#but prepare for me to be annoying this week!!!

[mywritersmind]

ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR - LN4

↳ pt.4

summary : A week of not so secret flirting, drunken parties, and being surrounded by your best friends; it ends with a promise and a kiss.

og summary : Its the vacation of your dreams! With your best friends, rich men, live music, and flowing drinks, nothing can ruin it. Even if a certain Formula 1 driver (who seems to have an affinity for annoying you) is there every step of the sandy way.

listen up : suggestive comments!! kissing! language!! all done <33 thanks for all the love recently i truly love you all. final part pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

word count : 3324 + tiny bit of smau

⋆｡‧˚⋆

My feet are freezing but my torso is warm. My head hurts and when I move to sit up in bed, I'm yanked back down by a weight over my waist.

What? I eye the arm over me and trail it all the way to the man next to me. No.

I practically throw his arm off me but he doesn’t wake up, just stirs a bit and tugs on the blanket. It moves down his bare chest to reveal his tanned abs.

I’m in my pajamas. My hair is knotted. My head is pounding. I hit Lando with a pillow.

“Norris!”

He groans, turning away from me and mumbling. Once he realizes the person yelling at him is in his bed, he blinks at me. “What could be so important that you’re waking me up by pillow?” His morning voice is deep and scratchy.

“What the fuck am I doing here!?” I remember going out. I don’t remember making my way into Lando’s bed!

He rolls his eyes then closes them. I hit him again, “Hey!”

“Lando!” I yell again, then my hand goes to my mouth and my eyes widen, “We didn’t…”

He looks genuinely offended, “Give me some credit, Pretty. You’d know.” His arms go to the back of his head, a slight smirk on his face.

I screw my face up, “You’re disgusting.”

“You’re the one who brought it up.” I hit him again, “Okay! Okay! You came here to get your purse but you were shit drunk and wouldn’t leave.”

Shit. “Oh.” I do not recall this at all. I cross my arms. “You couldn’t have slept on the couch?”

“You crashed my bed!” I remember him calling me beautiful.

I groan and stand up, pulling my hair up and finally spotting my purse. The floor is freezing and I can feel Lando’s eyes on me as I cross his room.

“You really don’t remember anything from last night?” I turn back so see him leant over the bed, the comforter dangerously low on his waist.

I turn back and pretend to look in my bag, “I don’t remember anything after my third shot and you dancing with that girl.” I know it’s the wrong thing to say right as it leaves my mouth.

“Oh… So you got drunk because you were jealous.” I don’t need to turn around to know he’s smirking.

“Goodbye Lando.” I make my way to the door.

“You’re not denying it!” He yells after me.

I shake my head and grab the door handle, “Truce, Norris. Don’t forget it!”

⋆༺

My friends and I meet for breakfast, gossiping about the locals and everything that happened last night. “You didn’t answer when I knocked this morning.” Rebecca looks at me while stirring her coffee.

“Hot night?” Alex teases as I make eye contact with Lily who’s smirking.

“I must have just been asleep…” My tone is less than convincing and me being late to breakfast didn’t help either. “You can’t freak out.”

I tell them about waking up next to Lando, their jaws dropped and their hands paused on utensils. Lily is the least shocked but definitely the most disappointed when I share that I didn’t have sex with him.

“Ok i’m officially freaking out!” Kika drops her fork, shaking her head as I prepare for the million questions they have for me.

⋆༺

LANDO

“Last day!” Pierre claps his hands together as we walk down the streets of turkey. The girls’ absence is very noticeable because my friends are fully attentive this morning.

“I’m sad.” Carlos sighs, “I don’t want to go back to real life.”

“I’m excited to go back!” Alex shrugs, looking around the white buildings, “I miss my cat.”

“I don’t know.” I say, “I've enjoyed this trip a lot. But I do need a break from you muppets.”

Charles hits my arm, “You only enjoyed it so much because you finally stopped toying around with Y/n.”

“Truth!” Pierre laughs, “I think you two are a great addition to the group. I mean you’re already in it but now everyone has a couple.

I eye him. “We’re not a couple. She barely likes me as it is.”

Carlos shakes his head, “Mate… She definitely likes you more than ‘barely’. Y/n may be strong willed but I've never seen her blush so much.”

I roll my eyes and pretend like that doesn’t make me like her more. “We’re friends. I think.”

“You think?” Charles raises a brow.

“I guess.” I say.

“Lando!” Carlos practically screams and slaps his hands down on my shoulders, ���You need to ask her out.”

“I’m not asking her out! She’s scary as fuck.”

“Pussy.” Pierre and Alex cough at the same time as I side eye them.

“You’re just scared she’s gonna reject you.” Carlos says in my ear as I elbow him in the stomach, “Ow!”

“Fuck off and let’s go.”

⋆༺

YOU

I know he’s staring at me. I know he’s not trying to cover it up. I know he wants me to look back.

And I know I look good as hell.

“Norris!” Carlos calls from the water, “Come on!”

Lando doesn’t respond so I assume he shook his head because I don’t hear him getting up. I open my eyes and tilt my sunglasses down just as a smile breaks out on Lando’s face.

I suddenly understand the extent of why women fall at his feet. He’s got glasses on but his smile makes me want him to break my heart.

“Wanna go swim?”

I’m laying on my stomach so I rest my head against my warm arm and respond, “Go swim with Carlos.”

He rolls his eyes, “I don’t want to swim with Carlos.”

“Too bad. So sad.” I close my eyes again as I hear him mumble something under his breath.

“Wanna talk about your little jealously streak then?”

I sit up and face the water, “You’re one to talk.” He gives me a look to which I pull my sunglasses back on my head to fully look at him, “You gave that waiter a death glare!”

“He was being weird.”

I shake my head and laugh, “He was asking if I wanted parmesan!”

Lando does not look amused, playing around with his camera, “Parmesan is just where it starts…”

“So what? It’s cheese then asking to fuck me?”

He crosses his arms on the tanning chair, “Exactly.”

I breathe out, looking out at our friends in the water and the clear skies. “You shouldn’t care about that, Lando.”

“I can’t help it.” He shuffles around, snapping a few pictures as he nonchalantly says, “You looked good in my bed.”

I turn to him again, trying to actually see if he’s being serious but his face doesn’t crack into a smile. I’m speechless. And it’s embarrassing. “I- No.” I place my feet onto the sand and quickly stand, pulling off my sarong as I walk down the beach.

He follows me, of course he does.

“Don’t hide, Pretty. You blushing because of me is a lovely sight.” His fucking smile, god!

I’m frustrated that I can’t act cool around him all of the sudden, “Why don’t you look at the very beautiful ocean right in front of us!?”

He doesn’t even glance at the view, “I prefer you.”

My lips pull together in a thin line, “I can’t stand you.”

“I have a sneaking suspicion…” he steps forward and whispers, “that you can.”

I swallow and accidentally make eye contact with Lily who is smirking at us. I know they can’t hear what he’s saying but it still makes me nervous. “I’m sorry for last night.” It’s all I can think to say.

“I think we already established that it was no problem.” Right because he liked me in his bed! Kill me now. “Don't worry. We’ll have a redo soon enough.”

He starts walking away from me as I gasp, “A redo!? Lando what do you mean!?”

He starts walking backward, slowly. “One on both our terms? One with two sober attractive people?” He raises a brow.

I cross my arms but honestly want to laugh. I walk closer, “Keep dreaming, Norris.”

“It’s called manifesting, actually!” Is all he says before picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder. It takes me so off guard that I can’t help my scream.

“Lando!”

I can hear the smirk in his voice, his hands gripping my legs, “Scream my name, Pretty.”

⋆༺

LANDO

I’m looking at her again.

A little less admiring this time because i’m holding back a laugh as she tries to take Pierre down in a game of chicken.

She’s on Carlos’ shoulders while Charles has Pierre sat on his. Everyone is laughing around us as they watch the four.

I don’t even realize the man next to me until he clears her throat, “Hey man.” He’s american.

“Hi.” I think he’s going to ask for picture or something but then he looks up at Y/n and I get a sick sort of feeling that this is my karma for teasing her.

He looks back at me and gives me a cheesy grin, “I’m Nate.”

I nod slowly, “Hi Nate.”

“Mine telling me your friend's name?” Ok rude. He didn’t even ask for mine. I hate him.

“Carlos?” I blink, pointing to the man.

Nate laughs a bit awkwardly, “Nah man… The hot girl on his shoulders.”

“Oh.” I eye him, my disdain obvious, “That’s Y/n.”

“Y/n, huh? She single?” I give him a look to which he looks frightened at, His hand goes to my shoulder and I fight the urge to step back, “Shit! She’s not your girl, is she?”

“Um…” Everything in me wants to say yes. “No. No she’s not.”

He hums, “Right… I know that look. I’ll back off, I get it.” He’s grinning like he knows all my secrets, “Sorry to bother you.” I think he’s going to leave but he stops, “Man also- in my experience, it’s not a good sign, guys asking you about her.”

He leaves.

What the fuck? I finally get the girl to tolerate me and now everyone thinks I'm supposed to fall at her feet and beg her?

Yeah I'll do it.

⋆༺

YOU

The day has flown by, with the sun burning us one last time and our lunch at the best local place where the chef adores us. I’m sad to go. Even If we still have this last night.

Dinner is slow and quiet, we’re all pretty tired but comment on little things around us.

I’m in a long dark blue dress, my favorite for our last night. Lando’s next to me and by the end of our dinner, he rests his head on my shoulder. I say nothing because I like his closeness.

Kika clears her throat, “This was an amazing trip and I'm very glad I got to enjoy it with you lot. I’m very very thankful for everyone here, and how our little group operates.”

Pierre rubs her back, “I’m thankful for hotel beds. And mojitos and sunscreen.” I laugh as Alex starts.

“I’m grateful for fish and sunglasses.”

Lily shakes her head, “I’m thankful for my lovely friends and for all the amazing food we ate! Plus me beating Lando in golf.”

Lando groans next to me, “I’ll get you one day, Lil.”

I smile, “I’m grateful for the ocean! And boat rides and night swims.”

“I’m grateful for spas and books!” Alexandra joins in.

Charles smiles at her lovingly, “I’m thankful for friends and cooking classes.” God that seems like forever ago.

“I’m thankful for golf as well!” Carlos grins, “And wine.”

Rebecca laughs and squeezes his hand, “I’m grateful for morning yoga and sunsets.”

Lando doesn’t sit up when it’s his turn, just stays resting on my shoulder, “I’m thankful for my camera and all the pretty views I've captured.” His foot nudges mine.

I blink, looking down at him as he just stares forward. Kika grins and holds up her glass, “To us!” I join as we all hold up our respective drinks.

“To us!” We repeat and cheers, Lando’s head leaving my shoulder as he holds up his water.

“You know…” Pierre looks around at us, “I’m not very tired.”

Carlos grins and taps his finger against the table, “It’s our last night…”

Lily laughs and stands, “Beach bar!”

⋆༺

The thought of drinking makes me feel sick so I stick to water. Lando is nursing a drink but it’s the same one I've seen him with all night.

I catch his eye while he’s talking to the bartender, he smiles softly and makes his way over to me immediately.

“Hi.” Hi? I don’t think Lando’s ever said Hi to me.

“Hello…?”

He leans against the bar as the music gets louder, “Fun night?”

I nod, sipping my water as someone bumps into us. He drunkenly apologizes before Lando looks at me again, “Want to go for a walk?”

I find walking down the beach at night with Lando far too often… Not that i’m complaining.

His drink is gone and his shoes are in his hand as mine are in mine, “Accomplish everything you wanted to?”

“Accomplish?” I laugh, “Do you go to every vacation with a to-do list?”

He shrugs shyly, “Maybe a mental one. Like I knew I needed to jet ski. I didn’t know it would end up with an attempted drowning…”

I scoff and hit his arm, “I wish your dramatic ass did drown.”

He just grins, “You’re remarkably bad at lying.”

I shake my head, looking back at him, “It’s something about you… You call me out on everything.”

“Because it’s so easy to catch. Even if you’re joking… you bite your lip a bit. No matter the lie.”

I frown, “You notice things like that?”

He looks past me at the water, then back to me. His face is shaded but the moonlight helps see his features, “I notice a lot of things about you.”

“If you told me that a week ago… I would have laughed in your face.”

“It didn’t just start this week. You just avoided me at every chance you got before this trip, but you’re hard to miss.”

I’m walking backwards now, looking at his loose button down and his hand in his pocket, “Are you saying you watched me, Norris?”

“I don’t think you understand that you’re very interesting to watch.” I go to speak but he cuts me off, “And don’t you dare call me creep. I know you do it too.”

I smile, “I’m grateful for you, Lando.”

His brows raise, “Am I being pranked…?” He comes to a stop as I push his shoulder back.

“I am. You bug the good out of me.”

He sets down his shoes, the music and lights from the beach bar far away but still seen and heard softly. “I’m glad you think so.”

It surprises me when his hand goes to my waist, “What are you doing?” I say quickly.

“Humor me.” Is all he says as his other hand meets my waist for the second time. I move my arms to his shoulders, my hand behind his head.

“Do you dance with all your friends by moonlight?” We sway a bit together.

He smiles again, his eyes so bright even in the dark, “I can tell you in confidence that this is a Y/n special. But you hurt me a bit.”

I raise a brow, “What?”

“Friendzoned while thinking about kissing you isn’t a fun thing.” My heart rate starts up.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Go out with me. When we get back.” I watch him talk so close to me, “No hostess forcing us together or shitty small talk. Come on, Pretty. For real.” He’s so beautiful and so nice and so funny.

“We don’t live close. Lando, you travel-”

“Fuck that. I’m asking you on a date in Monaco because I like you, a lot. If nothing else was in the way, what would you say?” He seems almost nervous and it makes me smile because he never shows this side of him.

“I would say yes.” I can’t help it. “But those things are very real and…”

“And?” He raises a brow, a smile replacing his nervous face.

I can’t help but smile, “And I like you. Maybe too much…” this makes his grin widen. “But still!”

“I can fly. I don’t know if you know this…” he leans in closer to whisper in my ear, “But I have some extra money.”

I pretend to push away but he holds me tight, “One date.”

He nods, repeating my words, “One date.”

“Our friends will freak out.”

“They’ll love it.”

“I know they will.” I shake my head, “I swear this was just a ploy to get us together.”

He laughs, “It worked, didn’t it?”

I laugh with him because he’s correct. I started this week with a bad attitude and a need for sun. I’m leaving it with a pretty boy and tanned skin.

“You still don’t know a lot about me.” We sway.

Lando shrugs, our faces extra close now, “I know you can talk for hours. I’ll listen.”

And I know he’s not lying.

“I’m annoying a lot of the time.”

He nods far too theatrically, “Trust me, I know!” I step on his foot but he just uses it as a way to bring me closer. I can hear his breathing and when I meet his eyes again, they’re soft and kind, “One more thing.”

“Go for it, Norris.” I’m whispering but I don’t know why.

There’s no one around, just the faint sound of music and waves crashing. “Can I kiss you?” It’s something so simple that I want to cry.

I smile, “You’re lucky you’re pretty, Norris.” He gives me a look, “Yes, Lando. You can kiss me anytime.”

And so he does.

⋆༺

LANDO

She smells like coconuts and tastes like mint. Her lips are soft against mine.

Our first kiss was on this beach, but it was different. It was hungry and intrigued. I was drunk and she was ethereal.

Now, she’s still beautiful but I'm not drunk. She’s soft. Does that make sense? It makes sense to me. She’s soft against me, his hands brush my neck and cheek, I can feel her smile against me.

Her kiss is something writers dream about and something I’ve imagined in a million different scenarios.

The start of this trip, my main goal was to tease and bug her until she broke. My goal now has been fulfilled with her promise of a real date and her kissing me like I actually mean something to her.

I like that I mean something to her.

She pulls back, her hands on my neck and in my hair, “You’re really beautiful too, you know.” Her lipgloss is smudged and her dress is getting wrinkled under my touch.

I take her in, every inch of her. I want to burn this moment in my brain forever. I haven’t stopped smiling for hours and it’s all because of her. “You’re amazing.”

She laughs, “You don’t have to one up my compliment.” I really didn’t mean to even try.

“I’m serious.” Her face tells me she understands suddenly, “Thank you, Y/n. You really are my favorite surprise this trip.”

She smiles, her hand on my chest, “I never believed our friends. They used to say how great we’d be together.”

“They’re geniuses and I owe them my life.” I shrug as she laughs my favorite laugh in the world: the one where I make her head drop and her teeth show.

“I’m sorry I ever was mean to you.”

“That’s alright…” I push back a strand of her hair, “Everyone needs a bit of foreplay.”

LANDONORRIS

landonorris DUMP FROM MARMARIS!! I miss it and I hate the rain.

username262 : TAN LANDO IS BACK

↳ username32 : he’s literally always tan i’m jealous

yourusername : 😊☀️

↳ landonorris :😋🫵

↳ username123 : what…?

username01 : who is the girl lando??

↳ username44 : his friend!! him and some drivers + girlfriends were on the trip

↳ username56 : interesting that they were the only single ones there…

pierregasly : let’s go back

charlesleclerc : alexandra is already planning another one (this time as a true couples trip)

↳ landonorris : WOAHHH SHHH

landofan4 : she’s sooo pretty istg how do these men pull these women!?

↳ username628 : they’re not even confirmed??

↳ username25 : trust me they will be in a month.

carlossainz : maybe you won’t suck at golf next time

↳ lilymunihe : not likely.

kikagomez : treat her poorly and i’ll punch you

↳ yourusername : punch him!

↳ landonorris : i haven’t even done anything?? and i wont!!!

maxfewtrell : thanks for the invite

alexalbon : I love the part of this dump where the only solo pics are of you and Y/n……..🤨🤨🤨🤨

↳ yourusername : funny alex my favorite part is the same thing😁😁😁

[derww]

DEVOTIONS WEEK DAY 5: ANGER/WOUNDS

CW Violence, death

He wakes up in a puddle of blood. The blood is his own. It's something new. He quickly finds that it was a well-aimed shot at point-blank range from the arrow cannon. It failed to kill him. Thrice.

All of his armor is broken, but he doesn't care – he already broke the only chestplate that was really important. The blood is his own, it feels like a whole liter, at first he literally squeezes out his clothes – and tries to rub it off, but it refuses to, and he cannot bring himself to care about it. He gets up. He gets to work.

He destroys any traces that they have ever been here from the spawn. He breaks down the path, burns down houses and covers up any traces of human presence with red sand. Like a respectful tourist, he cleans up the trash before leaving, because he knows that the end is coming soon.

His enemies, of course, come, and they poke at him with their blades, and they stitch him up with arrows, and they blow him up over and over again, but it only ruins his clothes. They are annoying flies, and he has to distract himself to stab them with his blade again and again and again, and they stay away, but do not leave, pestering him with idiotic conversations. He doesn't listen to them – he puts down sand, again and again, as now dead hands used to do. It takes a god to stop them and he eventually comes.

Wemmbu, the god chosen by himself, is looking – staring – at him. It seems that he sees more than Mapixx. Bigger, deeper, through – his brain, his insides, his eyes. He has a shiny netherite sword in his hand, which he threatens PBJ with, and they are forced to retreat in the end, knowing that the field is too unequal.

Wemmbu is chatting with him, smiling easily, laughing strangely and talking about the policy he will introduce this Saturday. It is a smart policy. His multiple eyes, making him resemble a spider, stare at Mapicc. Wemmbu never mentions his immortality again. Call me if they bother you, he says, as if they were teammates, and disappears in a sandstorm. Mapicc stares after him for too long for the norm before going back to work.

Mapicc learns that he is still immortal when his skull splits in two and immediately comes back together. It still hurts, but he's alive. With the attention of the soldier, he can mark a specific moment when the damage from crashing into the ground on the elytra became so serious that the hearts dropped to zero – and instantly began to regen back, as if nothing had happened. In a matter of moments, not even a trace of what was supposed to send him after his friends remains on his head.

He still feels like his arm has been cut off. With dead Bacon, with dead Zam – he is so used to relying on them that he continues to forget that they no longer exist: turn to the air, turn around, expecting to see familiar figures, start typing messages on his communicator and discover that a player with that name does not exist. Twice he almost kills himself, expecting someone to be behind him. It really happens once. His fractured rib cage converges back almost instantly.

It has to be easy, really: just end the server and everything will be fine again. Like, actually. He and Clown and Ro train together, but neither of them is prepared for it, and Ro constantly separates from the group, Mapicc expects Zam to cover his back every time, and the Clown, even if he hardly shows it, but clearly still sees Leo and Minute by his sides. It takes an absurdly long time, but these are habits that have been formed over the entire season, pressed through blood and sweat, and they just exhale and try again.

Mapicc doesn't want to. He knows that Ro made a mistake and is glad that Clown is with them, but he does not want to work with them instead of his day 1 and partner. It makes his teeth ache to think that that damn day was the last time they saw each other as part of the same team. He doesn't look Ro in the eyes.

He must destroy this world – this is his goal and their posthumous desire, and he smells of grave earth, and his cramped fingers are clutching a sword.

They come for Wemmbu, depriving him of his blessing and stabbing him again and again while he pathetically dies with the almost crushed spyglass in his hand. For some reason, they never come for Mapicc. He doesn't know why. Maybe they can't.

[otomes-and-tears]

♦ an unsung melody (is mine for safekeeping) (7/7) ♦

► tags/warnings: pregnancy, past character death, angst, childbirth

► words: 3812

► A/N: The long-awaited conclusion!

Part (01)  (02)  (03)  (04) (05) (06)

► Masterlist

“Oh, you’re finally home!”

Erika smiled, her voice carrying a cheerfulness that didn’t quite match the exhaustion in her eyes. It takes effort for her to stand up from their couch, waddling over to Nevra as he stood by the entrance of their little home.

Nevra rushes to close the short distance between them, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. His arms wrap tightly around her shoulders as he breathes her in, and his eyes flutter closed as he ground himself in her presence.

That was how Erika knew his day had been particularly difficult. 

With her due date approaching, and Eldarya’s growing unrest, Nevra more often than not would only creep into their new, shared home at odd hours of the night. If he came in at all.

Those days were usually the worst.  

The ones where she’d wake up in the morning and find the other side of the bed to be too cold. On the nights he did return, she could see how beaten down he seemed to be, carrying alone the weight of unspoken burdens. It has been a source of strife, lately. Nevra was too afraid of something going wrong to burden her with any more stress, and she refused to be so helpless, wanting to do anything to help.

“I would’ve gone over to you,” he murmured into her hair. “You didn’t need to get up.”

“I needed to move anyway,” Erika said lightly, squirming out of his embrace just enough to study his face, her eyes flickering over him to check for any signs of injury. “My back was starting to hurt from sitting so long.”

Nevra frowned, brushing her hair back with a tenderness that still made her heart flip. “I thought your back hurt if you stood too long?”

“That too.” She grimaced “Honestly, my back hurts regardless of what I do. My feet too— But having to rest so much is making me antsy.”

“I can tell.” Nevra locks the door behind him, double-checking all the locks to ensure the door is properly secured. Chrome complains about how often he has to herd you back home. Lately, just seeing you outside makes him nervous.

“You’re not that much better.” 

She chuckled. Despite it bordering on annoying, Nevra’s increasing protectiveness could be, on occasion, terribly endearing.

Karenn had taken some time to explain it: it was a vampire thing. Being this close to the due date, his instincts asked him to make sure she was somewhere safe and familiar when their child was born. He’d be more over-protective in the weeks following the birth, but at the very least his attention would also be focused on their baby instead of just breathing down her neck and stopping her from walking to their kitchen for a glass of water.

Personally, Erika believes Karenn made it up to justify his, and her , bouts of overprotectiveness. 

In truth, everyone around her had been on edge since she hit her third trimester.

The morbid part of Erika’s mind thinks they might be preparing for the possibility of death in childbirth.

Eyes linger on her even more often than before, and friends, old and new, seem a little too willing to stop by to reminisce. 

No one tells her, but she knows. She knows all too well.

Nevra’s hands find the small of her back, as he gently guides her to the couch again. 

He’s exhausted, but winding down with her at night is the best part of his day.

With her pregnancy, he has avoided missions that require too much travel. As Huang Hua’s right-hand man, it’s not like such things are often expected of him anyway. It’s easier to delegate tasks, but now that Erika is on the home stretch, and the baby can come at any moment now, Nevra has been spending long hours getting his affairs in order, ready to go on leave when their child is born.

He has no hope of being able to properly go on leave, but he wants to make sure the amount of work he has is minimal, instead of the mountains of paperwork he usually has to deal with.

“You know I can’t help it. And the closer we get to the date…” He trailed off, his eyes flicking to her rounded belly with a mixture of awe and anxiety. She doesn’t comment on it but could sense a nervous energy to him, simmering just below the surface, just barely suppressed.

“How are you feeling? Have they…”

He starts, the words winding down into nothingness as the hand previously on her back moves underneath her shirt, caressing the taut skin of her belly. Erika cringes slightly at the coldness of his hands. Nevra is likely doing this both to greet their child and as a ploy to warm his hands. He has always been attracted to her warmth, which is especially annoying when her base temperature has been up, she’s feeling unbearably hot all the time, but her beloved partner insists on being all over her like a sentient weighted blanket.

“The usual,” Erika replied, resting a hand over his. “They’re still too cosy in there to want to leave, making me miserable. I swear, If they don’t decide to come out soon, I’ll reach in and pull them out myself.”

Nevra’s lips quirked into a small smile, but his lilac eyes betrayed him, still soft with worry. He didn’t speak for a long moment, his thumb tracing slow, rhythmic circles across her skin, following any tiny movement he could feel in her belly. 

He used to complain about how sombre she could be. About all the what-ifs that tormented her, the dark jokes she made at her own expense as a consequence of her past, and all the terrible misfortune that coloured their time together.

Things got much better after her pregnancy progressed and she got too focused on their move, obsessing over every little detail of their shared home, to concern herself with these things. It felt like a burst of optimism, being allowed to focus on the future for once rather than being tethered to her painful past.

But as her due date approached, it seemed like things became sombre again.

The light dimmed, a heavy fog settling in between them. She could only walk towards the light, hoping that it would lead to something good, rather than more tragedy. 

“I started writing in the baby book again,” Erika said, breaking the silence. Her voice was light, almost casual, but there was a tremor underneath it. Nevra’s hand stills for just a moment before he forces himself to continue tracing shapes in her belly.

The rhythm is broken, however. Too stilted to seem natural.

“Just little things,” she murmured, looking away. “The way you hum when you’re stressed. How you always bring me fruit for breakfast, even though you hate how it smells, the lyrics to lullabies from back home…”

“It sounds like you’re writing a farewell letter,” Nevra said softly, his voice tight.

She swallows, hard, there’s a beat where the conversation dies, too long, too uncomfortable when things around him felt so easy beforehand.

“Maybe I am.”

His grip on her tightened, his fingers curling protectively over her stomach. She distantly recognises the shapes he’s tracing as protective runes.

“You shouldn’t,” Nevra pleas, and she can’t bring herself to look at him. “You’re going to be just fine.”

“I just… want them to know me,” she said, her voice breaking. “In case I don’t—”

“You will,” Nevra interrupted, his voice firm. “You will know them. You’ll be there for everything.  And if you can’t finish that stupid book, I will. I’ll fill every single page... They’ll know you, Erika.”

She nodded, her throat too tight to speak, and leaned into his shoulder. He held her, a little too tightly, as the baby stirred between them, both of them lost in their thoughts.

—

It starts gradually.

She never expected labour to be like this. It doesn’t really matter how many baby books she read, or how many times medics walked her through all the steps of labour, the idea of it that always seemed to come to mind came from all the movies and shows she watched back home.

Things always start suddenly. A sharp pain, then your water breaks, then all hell breaks loose. In a neat twenty-one minutes, you’re holding your perfect, healthy, clean baby.

Reality is much, much more painful than fiction.

For starters, there’s a lot more waiting involved.

Waiting and counting.

Waiting until the contractions get strong enough, waiting until they’re timeable. Waiting until they’re close enough apart and last for long enough. 

Waiting until the water breaks, until her cervix is dilated. Until they can give her something to manage the pain.

Waiting, waiting, waiting .

It’s worse than the nine months that came beforehand. The wait seems far longer, heavier, and more anxiety-inducing.

Nevra was there the whole time. Labour lasted far longer than either expected, but he refused to leave Erika’s side, or their shared home until his firstborn was safe in his arms. He must’ve snapped at Eweleïn three times, begging her to do anything to do anything to mitigate Erika’s pain, before she threatened to kick him out and only let him back inside once it was finished.

He was much more compliant, then.

The early morning hours blurred together as Erika gripped the edge of the bed, her breathing ragged. Each contraction tore through her with an intensity that made the world tilt, and yet it wasn’t the pain that filled her with dread—it was the knowledge that this might be the end of the road.

The room was silent, save for the occasional rustle of fabric and Eweleïn’s hushed instructions. Erika can only barely process the flurry of movement around her as nurses and healers rush into position, getting vials filled with colourful potions into a table and preparing the station where her child is going to be examined. Why they hadn’t bothered to do so in the hours she was waiting for her cervix to dilate enough for her to be able to push was beyond her.

Erika’s laboured breaths filled the air as she clung to Nevra’s hand, her grip tight as she bordered on desperation. The birth had been harder than anyone expected, threaded with extreme caution. Her mind felt too hazy to properly process any words that weren’t “ push��� and the vague notion that she had lost a little too much blood. 

She was exhausted and hungry by too many hours of labour and in terrible pain. Nevra whispered soft assurances into her skin, which made her feel a little better, even if she couldn’t understand them.

“Almost there, Erika,” 

Eweleïn said, her voice firm but gentle, though even she looked strained. As exhausted by the experience as they all were.

Erika nodded, her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat. She couldn’t waste energy on words. All she could think about was the fragile life she was bringing into a world that had never shown her mercy.  

“You’re doing amazing,” Nevra said, his voice trembling as he pressed a kiss to her damp forehead. “Just a little longer, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

She nodded, her grip tightening on his hand. 

“Nevra,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “If I don’t—”

“Please,” he cut her off, his voice sharper than he intended. He softened immediately, brushing her hair back, guilt flashing in his eyes. “You’ll be just fine. You’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever known, and you’ve come so far..”

Erika closed her eyes as another contraction hit, her scream muffled against his chest.

Eweleïn’s voice broke through the tension.

“One more push, Erika. You’re almost there.”

Part of her wanted to scream at her old friend. It seemed like she was insisting that it was just one more push for hours. 

With a final, desperate cry, Erika bore down with all the strength she had left, and then there was silence. 

For one agonizing moment, the world seemed to hold its breath, Erika’s heart pounding in her chest as a familiar dread washed over her, until the piercing, shrill, wail of her newborn shattered the stillness.

It’s like they all breathe a sigh of relief. 

Her body slumps back into the pillows, finally allowed to relax after what felt like an interminable effort, but she is still trembling from the aftermath.

Then she cries.

Out of relief they both shared, that the worst was over. That she managed to overcome the biggest hurdle and they both pulled through. All those months of dread, all those nagging thoughts that tainted every happy moment were finally proven wrong.

Nevra let out a choked laugh, his own eyes wet as Eweleïn finally handed the baby to Erika.

Her hold on the newborn is a little awkward, but with her Eweleïn’s assistance, she’s able to hold the baby securely in her weak limbs. Her dear friend wipes away her tears with a proud smile, holding back her own tears through a thin veil of professionalism.

"It's a girl"

The elf announces, her giddiness is as infectious as her smile. Eweleïn lingers around the new parents for a brief moment, the three old friends relishing in the victory of a battle well-fought, before she leaves them, caught up again in the flurry of activity inside of the room. Their time with the newborn right now is limited, before she's weighed, cleaned and thoroughly examined, but Erika is glad to have this little moment of privacy. To be inside of this perfect little bubble with Nevra and the child she finally gets to meet.

The vampire regards them both with awe, his eyes lighting up as he watches their tiny, bloody little baby squirm in her mother’s arms. 

“You did it,” he murmured, his voice raw with relief. “You’re both here. You’re both safe.”

Maybe in a few years, when this is all long past them, Erika will manage to feign being offended at his blatant disbelief, but right now, she echoes the sentiment. 

They’re both there, and safe .

She had grown too used to things being good, too good , and then being ripped away from her.

In her eyes, the past few months, where she got her life back with Nevra, was an anomaly. She lived in fear, waiting for her time to run out, for the inevitable other shoe to drop, for another world-ending event to wipe away all of those she had loved.

But now she holds her baby close. Her precious little girl, with her father’s pointy ears and her mum’s nose, allowing herself to enjoy the moment with no reservations. No catastrophising. Even if it doesn’t last, and the fear of their future crushes her again, she allows herself this one thing.

The weight of her survival was heavy, but for this moment, it was worth it.

For her.

—

The stars were scattered across the night sky as Erika sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the forest, weeks later. The baby, swaddled and asleep, was cradled safely in her arms. The aengel had insisted on being left alone, though Nevra had hovered like a shadow at the edge of her vision, reluctant to leave her or their daughter’s side for even a moment.

She allows him to walk the familiar path with them, a few steps behind. It’s a little game— He can join, just as long as he stays out of her view. If she spots him directly before they reach their destination, he needs to go home.

There isn’t much one can do with a child this new, but Erika manages. As soon as she could, she started taking her baby on little walks around the HQ, strapped to her chest, covered in soft clothes she hated to wear. Her walks usually happened at night, when the baby couldn’t stop crying and she needed to do something to keep herself sane when everyone else was asleep, and they were both away from prying eyes and well-meaning advice she frankly did not want.

She started by walking to the centenary tree, sitting by her own statue, talking to an old friend who was long gone, hoping the dim lights and her soft voice would soothe her child to rest. Later, when she was strong enough, her feet took her to the same cliffside that had shaped so much of her recent life.

Erika was no longer fragile from the delivery, but she wasn’t whole either.

The same powers that had once healed her so quickly now seemed sluggish, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something about them had changed , evolved, much like everything else in her life.

Her bond with Leiftan still existed, and on the worst nights she could still sense him, sending her comfort in the only way he knew how, but he had mostly blocked her off. Her senses had grown mostly attuned to her child, helping her understand her daughter’s needs without fumbling as much as she feared she would. 

It’s strange to think that she’s a mother, now.

It only feels real now that her baby is in her arms, but it’s still an adjustment to be given this new title, to the way that people now perceive her.

Nevra joined her without a word, sitting close enough that their shoulders touched. He said nothing at first, allowing her a moment of quiet if she wishes, or to tell her what has been bothering her.

He just wanted to be nearby.

“Funny, right?” Erika’s voice cuts through the night, barely above a whisper, not wanting to wake their child. “We were sitting here, seven months ago. In this exact spot. And I told you I was pregnant.”

He smiles, almost despite himself, filled with a sudden nostalgia. She knows he’s just as exhausted as she is.

“The best, most terrifying night of my life.” 

Nevra announces, which makes Erika laugh, almost despite herself.

“You didn’t seem scared .”

“I was.” He admits “I still am.”

Why wouldn’t he be, after all?

Parenthood was scary. The moments leading up to it were, and the reality hit her much worse.

She loved her daughter more than words could say, but sometimes she felt like she had a hard time truly bonding with her. Feeling like herself again.

It’s a strange thought, that defined so much of her time after she woke up from her sacrifice. Others perceived her as a saviour, as a living legend.

The last Aengel.

Her friends regarded her as a long-lost friend, someone they loved but couldn’t quite remember. An echo of a different time.

She was always so lost in the different expectations. In all the titles she was given, and how much they clashed with the reality of who she is. Or at least she perceived herself as being.

The truth, she found, is that she, herself, doesn’t know the definitive answer.

Perhaps it was presumptuous to once think she did.

She’s a mixture of everything and nothing at all. Beyond all the suffocating titles, the weight of expectations, her fears and her story, she’s Erika .

The only way to feel like herself is to be herself. To stop pretending like she’s okay and like she isn’t afraid for the sake of others, to stop acting like the perfect sacrifice. The heroine they all craved.

It’s who she wants her daughter to know her as. It’s something she’d known for a long time, what was harder was to be that person, not just simply write down those words in a journal.

“She deserves more than this,” 

Erika said finally, voice barely above a whisper.

“More than what?”

Nevra tilted his head. 

“More than a mother who will probably leave her before she learns how to walk,” Erika replied, bitterness lacing her words. “More than a father who has to juggle the world’s problems with raising her.”

Nevra didn’t flinch. He had always been steady like that, even when everything else felt like it was crumbling. He was just as scared as she was, she often reminded herself, and only recently had grown comfortable in expressing those fears to her.

“You’ve survived everything thrown at you so far,” he said, his voice firm but kind. “I know you don’t want to be the saviour again, but you’ll do it. Because you’re you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

She looked at her daughter’s face. As how her plump cheeks are squished against her mother’s chest, deeply asleep, so serene, so full of life, and felt her heart ache. How could she bring herself to love this fiercely again, knowing it could be taken from her in a second?

Nevra rested his hand over hers, where it lay against the baby’s form. 

“She has all she needs, Erika. She has parents who love her, and people from the HQ and beyond who’d lay down their lives for her in a second if asked.” That makes her chuckle. “And most of all, I know that if something were to happen to you, you’d fight like hell to come back to us. You have before, back when you had much less to fight for.”

He said simply, the weight of his sincerity breaking through her walls. He’s right, she knows he is. She just needed to accept it.

She closed her eyes, letting the tears come.

When the sun rose, Erika stood at the edge of the forest, her daughter in Nevra’s arms as he waited nearby, shielding the baby’s eyes from the bright light. The horizon blazed with gold, and for just a moment, it felt like clarity.

It was her lighthouse, her way out of the fog that obscured her vision, out of the darkness and weariness that had once consumed her.

Erika spent so long fearing her death that it was hard to accept that, for once, she was allowed to live.

Things wouldn’t always be easy, and the calm she now knew wouldn’t last forever, but there was no use in suffering for what might be and losing all the joy of the life that she painstakingly built for herself. She had her happy ending all along, but in her fear, she didn’t even realise it.

She was tired of losses and of every single milestone being tarnished by her fear of the future. So, for now, she looked to the present. 

Erika turned back to them, her family , and smiled through her weariness.

“Just a little longer,” 

She whispered, more to herself than anyone else. When she smiles, she finds it to be sincere.

The road behind them was filled with darkness, perhaps, but she looked to the light that guided them. 

For her child. 

For Nevra. 

And most of all, for herself.

[digyoman]

today is the three-year anniversary of the day that i watched the stand (2020) for the first time!

[born-to-lose]

I GOT AN INTERNSHIP YEEHAW

[skitskatdacat63]

Okay I finally have some finished drawings of them haha. I swear I have a regular art style, chibis are just easier okay!!!!

+

[betweenblackberrybranches]

I just need to rant for a second :)

Screaming into the void please dont judge me

[babsvibes]

3, 17, 19, 30!!

Thank you for the ask love and so sorry I missed it earlier!! Can I blame it on holiday preparation? I’m going to

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Most proud of is a hard one, but if we’re looking at fics with little kudos/hits then I loved branching out with Taffy Covered Kittens. It was guaranteed to not interest people (platonic fic about side characters in a screenplay format??), but it made me laugh so I love that!

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore more of next year?

(posts the exact same picture as above)

Kidding kidding, I really want to branch out into more rare ships like tinimeke or Harley/Millie! That’s why I’m excited to host @seemoreseymoursbay, an event for rare gems, ships, dynamics, etc. so it’ll give me an excuse (and a deadline) to work on those fics!

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Cheesus the Meatsiah. Like the fic in general was a surprise because I didn’t know I could write boblin smut, but I really love it looking back

[sirensea14]

Me with who

I trusted, Let you in

Let you see through my broken skin

Let you tell me, People would love me

Not get sick of me, Get rid of me

I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.

[todayisafridaynight]

took a modern japanese history class just to flex on everyone that the only reason why i know so much about the meiji period is because im mentally disturbed about a franchise about criminals and they just so happened to make a game specifically about the meiji period

[sleepy-vix]

WHO THE HECK put my life on hard mode all of a sudden??

[magnetic-dogz]

I love being an adult! *said through gritted teeth*

[smilesobrien]

doing another trek merch production run zz. picker notepads are coming back for anotha round ofc but mainly i think im probably best off focusing on voy... who does everyone most want merch of

[hischierlovebot]

In case anybody missed me: your girl is still alive :D (I was well and fine and now even better than before! Just couldn't stare at screens)

[apilgrimsprogress]

i accidentally ordered beads without seeing that they were 6mm instead of the standard 8mm size and got super disappointed

but then I had the thought.......... miniature rosaries..........

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

vashie in the hotel bed....