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theplanetprince · 3 years ago

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Fanfiction Review

I can already tell this is gonna be super confusing bc I've been writing fic since I was 12 but have since gone through so many identity changes. But let's play anyway!

Thanks for the tag @redead-red

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

My current library is 8. I don't actually write fanfic too often unless a specific idea intrigues me-- or something in the fanon just doesn't line up with me. I do have at least 4ish more stories planned and maybe a revised version of an ancient story from when I was young. 2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

166,451! Pretty neato!

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Uh, in no specific order,

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (lost to purging)

Doctor Who (you ain't gonna find these)

Sonic

NiGHTs into Dreams

Dead by Daylight (<3)

Danny Phantom (my beloathed) Supernatural (my other beloathed)

and uhhhh, I think a bunch of various other video games I can't remember. For the sake of brevity I'm gonna put the rest under the cut.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is actually pretty funny bc I have so few fics released. I only get emails for certain ones all the time, so I wrote this part out by guessing, but I ended up not needing to change it. (also, don't read most of these; they're old and bad)

1. Schrodinger's Adolescent, 337 Kudos (Danny Phantom)

2. Teen Years and How to Survive Them, 97 Kudos (Secret Trio)

3. Two Fake Feds Come up the Laneway the other dayyyyyy, 56 Kudos (Letterkenny/Supernatural)

4. Brother's Keeper, 40 Kudos (Halloween, DBD)

5. Beginner's Guide to Destroying the Moon, 37 Kudos (Sonic)

5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for?

I'll be real here, I still enjoy most of the work I did for both Beach House Bummer, and Beginner's Guide to Destroying the Moon. I just wish I got more love for the latter bc I might be inspired to finish it lmao.

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really try to! I love the long rambly comments I get on Schrodinger's because I can feel those people are giving me the same passion I put into my work-- Though most of the time I get the generic "post more" or "update plz" which I dunno I'm grateful for the interaction. Still, I don't really want to repeat like "I'm trying my best, dude." about 12 times a day.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I'll be real I only have two completed fics rn-- but I can tell you I had this one fic that I wrote when I was fourteen where the ninja turtles had to burn down a lab full of half-born mutant embryos, and like I remember writing that and then going to middle school the next day like "They don't know I'm a literary genius."

8. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Probably the Letterkenny/Supernatural crossover-- I feel very strongly about SPN and how people take it way too seriously, so when I found out it was filmed in Canada. It used famous Canadian actors from the show Letterkenny, it felt way too good to pass up. I do hope to write in that space again when I'm feeling less depresso-espresso.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah. It's probably a big reason why you'll never see the tmnt fics for a while. I also used to write a lot of OC stories, and this was back in 2014 so like those were def hit the hardest. I'm glad to say it's like... subsided for the most part. I don't get hate as much as I just get really confusing and creepy comments, which don't hurt my rejection-sensitive-ass as much.

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hahahaha, no.

I am kind of bad at writing it, and I don't really like writing it. Which yeah that makes sense. My friends sometimes when they find out I write fanfic as a joke they'll send me some of the worst examples smut they can find and to test my talent I'll try to rewrite it to make it some kind of titillating-- but alas it just isn't my forte. The cons of being an asexual I guess.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Uh, yes and no? I think I had one of my older fics stolen, retranslated, and then retranslated again to English? That was so long ago tho.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd love to give it a shot sometime.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, it's sonadow. I know it's cringe but I'm free, dammit. Outside of that I guess my favorite dynamic is jock/nerd, which you've probably gleaned from my resume here fhsdkjf.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I've been working on Teen Years and How to Survive them since I was 16, I only started making headway on it when I was 19-- so I feel like that speaks for itself hskjhg.

15. What are your writing strengths?

It's been told to me that I'm very funny and I write convincing dialog that captures a character's voice. Which is extremely flattering despite the fact that I feel like I'm tricking you all.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

probably scenery and landscape, if I'm honest. I also accidentally keep creating scenes just for the dialog instead of action or environment.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think as long as I can guess what they're saying from context clues, and the writer is courteous enough to include body language and the like, then it's mostly harmless. I love including a bunch of references in fic whether it's cultural, historical, or just like a quote from a movie or something so I have a bunch of tabs open regardless it wouldn't be too inconvenient for me to fire up google translate or something.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably Schrodinger's Adolescent, it really opened up a lot of doors for me in the DP fandom and I got to meet a lot of cool people because of it. It really cheered me up from a dark place. And despite me writing it initially out of anger and spite its grown into this soft thing that really means a lot to me.

20. What fic are you most proud of?

Honestly, I can't pick. I'm both embarrassed by them all and yet glad they bring people some form of comfort.

Uhhhh who to tag-- I don't really know

@ten0rreaper is the only one I can think of-- whoever else I guess can have at it. I'm not very good at these things lmao.

#tag game #txt

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monotonous-minutia · 5 years ago

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Favorite productions you’ve seen of as many or few operas as you want

wellll this could take a while :D

because it's on my mind I'm thinking of contes d'Hoffmann for which my favorite production is the Met's by Bartlett Sher (either the 2009 one or the 2015 one, I can't decide; both have bits that make me like them better so it's an indefinite loop) Both are SUPER GAY and the 2015 is EVEN MORE GAY but the 2009 one has better background action (for example, the lesbian couple) and I prefer Kathleen Kim's Olympia; Erin Morely is amazing and adorable but I think Kim got the movements down better. Hampson (2015) has the most diabolical laugh I've ever heard but Alan Held (2009) is a bit more subtle and I'm not sure which I like better. Also I kind of like the shots in the 2009 one because it catches the moments that interest me most and the 2015 has one or two parts where the camera is looking at things that aren't the focus so we know we're missing something. The best part is that Kate Lindsey is on both of them and her Muse/Niklausse kills me. every. damn. time. and makes me forget that some people can talk about Hoffmann without even mentioning Niklausse because they think he's just that simple background trouser mezzo obediently following his tenor and leaving when it's convenient. UM. NOPE.

for Don Carlo most of you probably have figured out that the Met's 2010 Don Carlo is my favorite of almost anything ever, but the ROH one of the same production gives it a run for its money, except I haven't seen the ROH one in forever (if anyone knows where it is plz tell me) I won't go into more detail because I scream about it on here relatively frequently

Barbiere also (not?) coincidentally Sher's version, the Met (forgot the year) with DiDnato, Mattei, and Florez because that cast was MADE FOR EACH OTHER and also for those roles like damn. Florez is the only one who gets me to like Almaviva and Joyce DiDinato slays everything she does. I lowkey would die for her. And Mattei as Figaro is DEFINITIVE and I want to steal his costume. I love how this production kind of makes fun of itself because the libretto and music do too (which is why Barbiere is one of my favorites)

Capriccio, the San Francisco 2003 one with Kiri Te Kawena because she slays, also Troyanos because she's classic, and Simon Keenlyside is Olivier which ROCKS and so does he and the set and staging are so intricate and fun. It was also the first Capriccio I saw and it was when I was a noob so it really left an impression on me.

Zauberflote: There's a somewhat obscure version from the Drottingholm Court Theater that I love because the set and costumes are so luscious (it's placed in the time of when it was written) and has less eccentricities than some others; it kinda just keeps things simple, which is nice when the story is outlandish enough. The staging is meticulous: no one is ever not doing anything (except Tamino sometimes, because Tenor) and I actually kind of like Sarastro bc Lazlo Polgar is so amazing. My favorite thing about it is that we see Papagena at the end of Act 1 among the villagers and she and Papageno get some decent flirting in before he's taken away, which makes the big reveal at the end more genuine imo. Pamina is so sweet and stalwart and she doesn't take anyone's shit and the Queen of the Night is so regal and scary and also she smirks a lot which is unnerving. The only unfortunate thing is the way they handle Monostatos, which I won't get into. It's hard to find an older production that handles him well. But aside from that it's fab.

Hansel & Gretel: Met 1982 (I notice I like a lot of Met stuff) because Frederica von Stade is THE most adorable Hansel ON THE PLANET and because it's old it's kind of grainy looking which to me just adds to the Old German Fairytale feel. Judith Blegen is also a very cute Gretel. It's in English, which is really interesting and the translation is pretty good. Like the Zauberflote I pointed out, it's more classic and looks (to me) exactly how you'd expect based off of most Grimm Brothers illustrations, and it's not far-out weird like some can be. The Witch is great, and fortunately she's not played by the same actress as the mom, which imo ruins things because this is basically the only version of the story where she's written as sympathetic and not evil. And though it's fun to have a tenor be the Witch sometimes, that can make things a bit more farcical which isn't my fave.

Nozze is the Garsington 2017 one. I didn't recognize anyone in the cast, but they're all AMAZING. This is the only Figaro imo that's on par with Mattei (although to be fair I haven't yet seen him in Nozze). The staging is fantastic, with a bunch of funny little things (the Count does a huge double take when he finds Cherubino on the chair, Figaro accidentally slams Basilio in the face with a door as he runs into the room, Antonio gives the Count a really funny look when Barbarina reminds him that he owes he for all the kisses). Also during "Non piu andrai" Figaro is shaving Cherubino, which is adorable because Cherubino obviously doesn't have any facial hair yet and it reminds us the Figaro is a barber and Susanna helps out and they both tease Cherubino the whole time and it's so cute. Plus the set is great--onstage it's a super versatile setup with doors and walls that they utilize really well, and offstage is a huge garden where they go for the last act, and when Cherubino jumps out the window we see him running through the garden pursued by Antonio.

This got really long so I'll stop now. But it was a great question and I think I'm going to ask you the same thing if you haven't been asked it already :D

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purecamp · 5 years ago

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Hi, I have a question about your mamma mia au! Is Pat dead on Here I Go Again? Because I was thinking that if she passed away before higa, Sharon and Willam would attend the funeral right? Wouldn't Sharon bring Trixie too? Wouldn't Willam go talk to her and get suspicious about Trixie? Is this me subtly asking you to write an oneshot about it just because I'm not ready to let go of this universe and also wanting you to write more Shillam? 😂

ahaha anon this tickled me tbh. first of all thanks for the love (!!!), so i’ll try to answer in parts

-unfortunately she has passed before higa because she would be 113, which is possible but... unlikely ahaha -ive been debating this since waaaay before u asked me bc its something i thought about a lot, like would sharon bring trixie or not? would she even go? lots 2 think about, decisions decisions -i would write oneshots for you in a second. plz feel free to request them at any time omg

anyway, i guess i’m gonna give it a go here!

She was a good age, Sharon knew that. Spritely in nature right up until her last moments, Patricia Belli passed away in her retirement home at the age of ninety six.

Her letter had arrived in the post; a short and not-so-sweet note letting Sharon know that if she received this letter, then she had died, and the nursing home staff had actually honoured her request of them to send it to her. Somewhat of a doting grandma - owing to the fact that Sharon had no idea what Pat would be to Trixie if she even was related - she had attached some plastic-wrapped sweets and lollipops.

God, this was going to be difficult. On top of having to close the hotel, at least for a day whilst she attended the funeral, Sharon was going to have to explain the concept of dying to her three-year-old girl, who thought the world was nothing but sparkles and sunshine.

And that was without slotting in time for her own grief. In four years, Pat had transformed Sharon’s life, and she owed her everything.

Times like these were when Sharon wished she had a little bit of help. She needed to cry and sniff and weep into somebody, to wallow in the horrible feeling of finally being alone in the world with herself as the only adult to rely on. She needed to continue working in order to stay alive, and keep her home paid for and her daughter fed. She needed to sit down and explain to Trixie than Nana Pat was gone, and she wouldn’t be coming back. She needed someone else to bundle her up for once and tell her it was all going to be okay.

“You alright?” Maria broke her out of her thoughts, tapping her as she went past behind the bar to fetch a few more bottles of ale.

Sharon grabbed a rag and continued drying up the glasses - Maria had offered to extend the hotel into her bar, meaning Sharon now managed a hotel and taverna in one. “Yeah, just... Can’t believe she’s gone, you know? I always felt like Pat was gonna live forever.”

Maria nodded. “It will be strange, we miss her around here. She was regular for many years at this taverna. Party held here after the service, in her honour.”

“She’d like that. Everyone getting drunk for her.” She sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to have to tell Trix. She’s only young, after all.”

Shrugging, Maria offered a kindly smile. “Brave and strong, like her mother. Even if teeny tiny.”

Despite her heavy heart, Sharon laughed.

---

“Mama! You’re here!”

The same cheerful greeting that Sharon was met with every afternoon came at her once again, lifting her low mood a little. A flurry of pink shot towards her, Sharon noting a smudge of blue paint on her face and some scuffs on her shoes from a day of playing before she was tackled in a huge hug.

“I’m here, little pumpkin. Did you have a good day?”

“The best!” Trixie trilled. “We did painting, and running, and I played dolls with Kimmy and Pearl showed me how to draw hearts!”

Ever-suffering, her preschool teacher was stood by the door to the classroom, her gaze tired but still warm as her last student clung to her mom. It wasn’t too often that Sharon was last to pick up her little girl, but it happened enough that she knew to just sit Trixie down with some colouring and leave her to it. Today, the grief had slowed Sharon down, and she was behind on most of her maintenance.

“Sounds fun! Now, are we walking out of here or is mama carrying you all the way home?”

Trixie took a moment to think about it, before smushing her face into Sharon’s neck. “Mama carries me home.”

Sharon sighed, figuring that she needed to keep Trixie happy if she was going to deliver such bad news. “Okay, just this once. Say bye bye, now!”

“Bye bye, Miss Coulée!”

Just Sharon’s luck, the walk was roughly long enough for them to discuss the subject. She was careful not to let her own emotions influence Trixie’s too much, knowing that a sobbing little girl would be much harder to console when she herself wanted nothing more than to break down in someone’s arms. Curious and a little confused, she asked a few questions which Sharon tried her best to answer, all while avoiding the term “Heaven”. It felt like she’d done an okay job, all things considered, but the fact that she had to do it alone meant she was more than nervous. This wasn’t going to traumatise her into therapy as an adult... she hoped.

“Will she miss me?”

Fuck, this kid was tugging at every single one of Sharon’s heartstrings. It didn’t seem possible that she had been the one to give life to something so goddamn cute.

“Nana Pat? I’m sure she will miss you, baby. And we’ll miss her, too.” Sharon took a deep breath. “But she’s still with us, isn’t she? Because we remember her, and we always have our memories.”

Trixie nodded thoughtfully. She had begged and begged to sit on Sharon’s shoulders, so now she idly played with loose strands of her hair, the messy bun practically ruined from the day’s work anyway.

“But she won’t come back because she’s too old.”

The child-like ability to make the most innocent and heartbreaking of things funny was one that Sharon hoped Trixie held onto forever. Even with her own heavy sadness, she giggled slightly.

“That’s right, bubba.”

A pause. “Are you sad, mama?”

Sharon nodded infinitesimally, trying not to trigger her tears. “Lots of people will be sad. When we go to the funeral on Saturday, there will be lots of sad people wearing black who all love Nana Pat very much. Will you promise me to be a really good girl and just sit quietly with me? We don’t want to disturb anyone.”

Trixie leaned forwards, pressing her lips to the top of Sharon’s head in an awkward, well-meaning kiss. “I’ll be good.”

---

She was golden. Sharon had done all her crying in the morning, before Trixie scrambled into her bed, and she was relieved at how easily her toddler had gone along with everything. Getting herself dressed had been a breeze; she even tried brushing her own hair, which was unsuccessful but nevertheless touching. Trixie then scampered off to play whilst Sharon got ready, giving her a few more moments alone.

Smoothing down her skirt, she examined herself in the mirror. An uncomfortable possibility had dawned on her that night, as she tried to sleep, and it made her unbelievably nervous. After all, he was her great-nephew...

She didn’t look that different than the day they met, surely? But yet, staring at herself, Sharon started realizing how little she resembled that girl already. Only four years had passed, near enough, and at twenty one and a mom, there was almost nothing to anchor this version of herself to the similarly-burdened yet unrealistically carefree seventeen-year-old that Willam had known.

Her hips were wider now, one of the few permanent modifications that Trixie had given her, and for all her low income meant a reduced diet, there was still the remains of a post-baby pouch that stubbornly remained. Black dresses were slimming, Sharon reminded herself, not that the rest of her needed it, but she hoped it was enough that if Willam did see her, he wouldn’t notice anything different.

That being said, he was a man. The little things didn’t matter. The living, squirming three-year-old, however...

Sharon sighed and relaxed, not bothering to try and suck in her stomach like she had before. Willam definitely wouldn’t notice it, he’d be too busy staring at Trixie. The human that he might’ve helped her create. That she had opted not to tell him about. Even though she had an easy way to do so via his now deceased great-aunt.

Fuck.

They made their way up to the little old chapel on the island in good time. Pat knew and loved her home more than anything, so relatives had been flocking from around the world to a tiny chapel on a tiny island out in Greece. It was a difficult walk, and with every step Sharon had to face that she really was in this alone now.

Not wanting to intrude in spite of her invite, Sharon slipped into a pew at the back and bowed her head, clutching Trixie in her lap as more of a comfort than anything else. Thankfully, as more and more people filed in, Trixie seemed to sense that her mama was upset, and quietly played with her flamingo teddy.

He was one of the last to walk in, of course - he would have to make an entrance. Swaggering in, his expression mostly calm, and his sheer confidence was highly inappropriate for a funeral and god if Sharon didn’t sound like her fucking mother. He was young and hot and the swagger seemed to be a Belli thing, because no one paid him any attention. Somewhere, whether in heaven or in her coffin, Sharon knew Pat was cackling with laughter.

And, of course, he just had to speak too. Sharon lifted her head a tiny bit to watch him, trying to ensure his gaze didn’t flicker onto her.

“So many kind things have been said about my dear great aunt today, and whilst it has warmed my heart I’m here to undo it all.” Willam started, filling the room with soft laughter. “Rest in peace, Granny Pat. You were old as fuck, but we’ll miss your rottenness. She had an ego bigger than mine and a liver bigger than Dad’s, and she was the life of the party. We love you, Pat.”

Everything about him was so familiar. Sharon tried not to think about it, but her mind was flooded with him. He didn’t look different at all, but she supposed LA had treated him well. Tanned and charming as ever, he seemed to woo his family as easily as he had seduced her into bed with him... or at least, that was how Sharon chose to remember it.

This was going to be a long day.

---

In all honesty, Sharon didn’t go out much anymore. It came with the territory of being a full-time parent and hotel owner-manager-chef-bartender-maid, but she was tired almost all the time. When Raja and Jinkx came over she made exceptions, but on a day-to-day basis, once Trixie was in bed, Sharon was exhausted from exerting herself to make sure she could even be finished and home in time for Trixie’s bedtime story. So, being out in the taverna in the late evening?

Unbearable.

As soon as everyone came in, Maria offered to take Trixie and keep her entertained behind the bar - which probably wasn’t the most responsible choice Sharon had made as a mom, but she knew Maria would take good care of her as she always did, and insisted she needed to mingle.

Mingling was the last thing on her mind, but she reluctantly grabbed a drink and tried to remain casual in a room full of strangers. After all, none of them knew who she was. None of them knew what Pat meant to her, and everything the daft old woman had done for her. None of them knew that without Pat, it was likely that her beloved daughter would’ve been given up for adoption and Sharon would’ve had to return home to her mother with her tail between her legs. Pat had made it possible for her to live, and as rough as it was, it was nice to be self-sufficient at twenty one.

“Hey! I thought it was you! Hi blondie!”

Sharon clutched her glass a little tighter and turned around slowly. “Forgot my name already?”

There he was, right next to her, having made his way across the room with bright eyes and a shiny grin. LA really had treated him well.

“You’re unforgettable, Sharon, don’t play me like that.” Willam teased. “Good to see you again. I knew goodbye wouldn’t last forever.”

Sharon scowled, but it didn’t last. “Hence why I said we wouldn’t have one.”

“Good point.” He gestured to her glass. “Vodka?”

She shook her head. “Just coke.”

“Pffft. Boring. Pat would want you to have some vodka. Or gin. Or both.”

Rolling her eyes, Sharon took a sip from her decidedly non-alcoholic drink. “I have responsibilities to take care of, I can’t just get drunk.”

As she spoke, her gaze went searching through the throng of people, praying Trixie wasn’t about to run over and squeeze her legs in a damning cuddle. To her relief, she was that she was balanced on Maria’s hip, happily giggling away with her out of Willam’s eyeline.

“We’re twenty one, Shar, and you haven’t seen me forever. Live a little!” Willam encouraged. “Seriously though, it’s good to see you. I didn’t know if you would still be here or if you still saw Pat around. It’s nice to see a face that I know she’d be happy to see, too. She hated most of the people here.”

God, the past tense. Sharon tried not to well up.

“You’re the only face here I know.” She admitted, her voice thick. “I feel a bit lost, honestly. If I didn’t have work, I’d be doing shots to loosen up.”

Willam laughed at that. “Right! I’m glad you know my face, at least. Familiar face, familiar arms, familiar chest, familiar d-”

“Stop!” Sharon shrieked, giggling in spite of herself. “Your great aunt has just died and you’re talking about our teenage sex? You’re disgusting.”

He shrugged. “I’m a Belli, it runs in the family. All this nonsense about her living to a ripe old age... please. She wasn’t ripe, she was rotten. It’s why we love her so.”

Sharon chuckled appreciatively. “I’m gonna miss her.”

“Me too. She’d be glad to see us brought back together, though.”

“Yeah. Although I’m not gonna sleep with you again.”

Willam’s laugh was a little too loud, attracting some disgruntled murmurs from surrounding family members. “Welp, there goes my weekend plans.”

It was surprisingly nice, talking to Willam. As much as Sharon had been terrified that the first topic of conversation would be them, and it would inevitably lead to a confession, they fell into a fleeting friendship as easily as they had four years ago. Determined to keep things light, Sharon steered away from her work or home life as they talked, but it was still nice to catch up.

That being said, she also kinda never wanted to see him again. Nothing personal, just... for Trixie’s sake, she had closed that chapter of her life and under no circumstances would she be reopening it. Not now, not in twenty years, not ever.

“I assume you’re breaking into stardom in Hollywood, right? I’ll be seeing you on movie posters?”

He laughed. “A star is born, baby. Keep your eyes open. And you, are you taking to the stage now you’re away from your bitch of a mom?”

Sharon shook her head. “Nah. I don’t... I don’t have time anymore. And with the girls gone, too...”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t need them. And we should sing together again sometime, too.”

At that, Sharon sighed. “There’s nothing keeping you here, Willam, not now she’s gone. We had fun, but... there’s no point holding onto that. I got over my exes, I have to keep living and so do you.”

Willam nodded. “A goodbye without a goodbye. I get it. It’s difficult, but we have to let go.”

Yeah, Sharon told herself. In more ways than one.

“It’s not a personal thing, you know I care about you as a friend-”

“I know.” Willam told her. “I care about you too. But I get it.”

He pulled her into a hug. “Needles, take care of yourself. You’re skinny, take advantage of the free food. Fall in love. Make music. Do things to make you happy. You deserve that.”

Speechless, Sharon could only nod as he held her. “I can tell you’re ready to leave, so I’ll say goodbye now. You’re a one of a kind, okay? Keep going, angel thighs.”

Pfft. The old parody nickname - trust Willam to remember that.

“Thank you, Willam.”

---

Trixie was fast asleep in Sharon’s arms. Her warm weight had settled comfortably into her as she walked home, and Sharon relished in the way her sweet daughter could fill her aching heart so perfectly. Her blonde curls were messy, just like her own were as a child, and she was completely tuckered out.

Her adorable girl had little outfits, a bedroom of her own and a roof over her head all thanks to the love and kindness of one foul-mouthed, gin-loving lady. As the sun started setting, Sharon realized she owed another Belli a lifetime of gratitude.

“Thank you, Pat.”

#uh maybe this got too long oops #higa #asks #shillam #this shouldve had a read more but they dont work #i tried

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leaves-of-three · 7 years ago

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How do you write Connor so well? Could you share some writing tips?

That’s really sweet of you to say. Honestly, it’s just me trying to pick up on every little thing we actually know about Connor and filling in my own interpretations of what they mean. We really don’t know that much about Connor. He’s only in the beginning of the play then throughout you get little snippets of his life from other characters…but it’s not that much to go off of. Even then, it’s how they saw him which can we a warped version of what he actually was. When I’m writing him, I try not to focus on Evan’s Connor because he’s only a projection of Evan’s own self. It’s important to remember that he’s not Connor. He’s Evan. That’s Evan’s mind talking to him using Connor’s face but it’s not Connor himself. He’s not a ghost coming back to talk to this random kid he’s interacted with once or twice. He’s 100% Evan’s mind projecting.

So then you have to focus on what you actually know about him. I’m gonna dissect it because I literally love analyzing characters it’s my favorite thing in the entire world. You didn’t ask for this but I’m doing it anyway yolo (im sorry).

The first time we meet Connor is at the breakfast scene. What do we know about that scene?:

Connor doesn’t want to go to school.

It is the very first day of his senior year. Not many people skip the very first day of school. It’s supposed to be a fairly easy, chill, exciting day to most people. Getting to know your teachers, seeing friends, catching up with people, not much work etc. I’m going off of my own school experience to analyze this bit: Skipping/Not wanting to go/Having anxiety over going doesn’t mean you’re lazy and don’t like work. It generally means that you feel uncomfortable, anxious, lonely, scared about having to navigate the world of school and your peers. Connor doesn’t have friends. Going to school, sitting in class, doing group projects, eating lunch, doing anything in school alone and without friends is fucking hard. It’s awful. It’s not a surprise he doesn’t want to go.

Connor is high.

Judging from typical school days, it’s probably somewhere between 6 - 7 in the morning. That’s early. That’s someone who wakes up and immediate gets high. AND it’s the first day of school. That’s someone who needs something to help them cope just to get through the day. He needs something to help him take the edge off of life because doing it without anything is a daunting thought.

Cynthia also says “I don’t want you going to school high Connor. We’ve talked about this.” Which implies that this a fairly regular thing for him.

Connor reacts negatively when Zoe speaks but ignores Larry.

Okay so I love this bit because my psychology loving self adores this kind of shit. It’s amazing and beautifully done and asdlhfal;ksd

After Cynthia tries to get Larry involved with making sure Connor goes to school. Larry says, “What do you want me to do? He doesn’t listen. Look at him. He’s probably high.” Connor stays quiet. Then Zoe confirms Larry’s statement and says, “He’s definitely high.” And Connor responds with a “Fuck you!”

Every time Larry speaks Connor stays quiet. His body language in the scene involves Connor resting his arm on the side of his head and, by doing so, is putting some sort of physical barrier between his facial expressions and his dad sitting next to him.

If I recall correctly, I don’t think Connor ever once actually speaks to his dad??? Larry talks at him but Connor never responds. No words are ever spoken from him to Larry. (I think, I could be wrong)

SO the point here is that Connor doesn’t say shit when Larry is nagging at him but the second Zoe opens her mouth to do the same he immediately responds with a big “fuck you” and puts his head down on the table.

The way I analyze that scene is that the fuck you was really meant for Larry, that he was pissed off at his father, but he took it out on Zoe. He redirected his anger onto his sister because it’s a lot easier to take advantage of a younger sibling then the head of your household.

Judging from how Zoe speaks about him later in the play, he probably redirected a lot of his anger onto her and it really messed her up.

Him not speaking up to Larry could also mean that Connor is potentially afraid of him?

The second time we see Connor is at school with Jared and Evan:

Connor cares what people think about him and he’s bullied.

Jared says, “Hey Connor. Loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic.” Connor responds by staring at him with this perplexed look of wtf dude seriously. He was just nagged at home, forced to go to school when he’s clearly uncomfortable about doing that, and then he gets there only to be antagonized by Jared who pretty much refers to him as someone who slaughters innocent people.

His ‘wtf dude’ look is totally justified in my opinion.

Jared then says that he was just kidding and that it was a joke. To which Connor replies with “Yeah no it was funny. I’m laughing can’t you tell.” His tone starts out light and sarcastic. When Jared doesn’t respond, he steps closer to him and voice raises. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” He’s clearly offended by what Jared said.

Jared calls him a freak and walks away.

He gets bullied by Jared so he turns around and becomes the bully to Evan.

Like he did with Zoe, Connor redirects his pain onto people he know won’t fight back or who he views as weaker than him.

Evan nervous laughs when he’s left alone with Connor. Connor can probably see that Evan is scared of him and uses that to his advantage. He says the whole, “What the fuck are you laughing at? Stop fucking laughing at me?”” Stop laughing at me. Not laughing at what Jared said. But specifically laughing at Connor himself. Connor doesn’t want people laughing at him because he cares what they think about him. “You think I’m the freak? I’m not the freak. You’re the fucking freak.” He yells at Evan and pushes him to the ground.

People have all obviously analyzed all these scenes before. I’m not close to the first one to say it, but obviously, these are words he wishes he could say to Jared and Evan is the surrogate for his rage.

And finally we have the very last scene that Connor is in which is the computer lab scene:

Connor is apologetic after he loses his temper.

He sees Evan, who has clearly been crying. I think it’s unknown how long Connor was actually in the room with him/if he overheard the phone call with Evan’s mom. I’m assuming that Evan wasn’t actually speaking out loud when he was writing his letter, that it was more for the audience to know what he was writing. So if Connor had been in the room and listening, he could have heard Evan’s side of the phone call and seen him quietly crying on his laptop while writing something then print it out. Since he was near the printer, he took the paper to give to him. He didn’t have to do that. He wanted to.

I think he wanted an excuse to talk to Evan again after he pushed him. He probably felt bad. I feel like he views Evan as someone who’s harmless and unintimidating, which is why it was easy for him to channel his anger onto, but then he started to regret that choice, so he tried to reach out.

He never actually apologizes with words and instead tries to do it through actions. I bet you that Larry does the exact same thing too but Connor probably never realized or picked up on it. (I could do a full character study on Larry too omg he’s a great specimen to take apart and a fantastically flawed character like everyone else in the show its beautiful fuck)

He’s got a dark sense of humor.

When finding out Evan broke his arm from falling out of a tree, he replies with a “That’s the saddest fucking thing I ever heard.” But he doesn’t say it in a mean way. He smiles and laughs under his breath.

HE WAS TELLING A JOKE. He was trying his best to be nice to Evan and lightly joke around with him but I doubt they have similar styles of humor. I think it’s the only time Connor actually genuinely smiles too??

And Evan doesn’t really laugh. It’s more of a nervous “plz don’t hurt me again ur a lil scary” kinda laugh. So Connor backs off and changes the subject.

He’s observant.

He notices that no one signed Evan’s cast.

He noticed that Evan has no friends hence the “now we can both pretend we have friends” line.

He noticed Evan’s sad and alone so he’s making an effort to be nice to him.

He noticed that he printed a piece of paper and that it would be a good ice breaker.

He’s quiet and he notices things. It’s subtle but it’s there. I bet you Connor secretly knows everything about everyone.

The boy just wants a damn friend.

He’s lonely. Evan’s clearly lonely. Why not try to befriend him?

He’s signs his cast super big so it takes up the whole arm. For one, it gets a laugh out of the audience. But two, he kinda knows that no one else will sign it so he makes his name extra big so everyone will see and know that both of them aren’t alone/friendless.

This is also interesting to me because I wonder if Connor knew he was going to kill himself then. Often times suicide is something people plan out ahead of time. I wonder if he knew what he was going to do and I wonder if writing that on Evan’s arm was a secret way for him to leave something semi permanent behind. A way to be sure that someone would remember him when he’s gone. If that’s the case then that was some powerful shit to slip in and it hurts my soul.

He’s angry and paranoid and suicidal.

So obviously Connor reads Evan note to himself, thinks it’s about him, freaks out and leaves. That’s the last time we see Connor.

I’ve looked at this scene in a few different ways. The first way I see it is that Connor could of had symptoms of paranoia. He sees his sister’s name and his first thought is that Evan did this in a malicious manor. He views people as out to get him. It doesn’t take much to set him off. He’s got a lot of anger inside of him that he doesn’t know how to release in a healthy way so it ends up with him blowing up over the slightest little bumps in the road.

The second way I view it is a little different. If I’m thinking about my point before (about him already having plans to kill himself) then I wonder if he was just using the paper as an excuse to get angry and leave. He had already made his mark using Evan’s cast. His name was there. He technically didn’t need Evan anymore. Thus he “freaks out” over this paper and it helps fuel his desires to end his own life. As someone who has been suicidal in the past, I understand wanting to find every excuse you can to help end things, to justify what you’re doing, and to push people away. It’s a super fucked up way of thinking but, when you put yourself into that mindset, I don’t think it’s that crazy of an idea.

“Is this about my sister? You wrote this because you knew I’d find it.” (Hinting at the paranoia point) “Yeah you, uh, saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab.” (Mentally trying to convince himself to believe that Evan did this on purpose, even though it goes against everything he already knows about Evan) “So I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?” (here comes the anger) “Then you could tell everybody that I’m crazy! Right?! Fuck you!” (cue the storm off)

And then we hear from Evan that Connor hasn’t been in school for three days.

And eventually we find out why.

From everything that Connor, himself, has told us he’s deeply hurting. He’s quiet. Observant. He’s got many unchecked mental health issues. He doesn’t feel heard. He’s lonely. He uses coping methods to get by. He has little to no self worth. He carries around a lot of guilt. He acts out on people he know won’t fight him back. Probably because he needs to feel superior because everywhere else in his life he feels stepped on. He is both a bully and bullied. He had little regard for strong authority aka Larry. He craves personal connections but doesn’t know how to obtain them or keep them. He’s broken. So that’s how I try my best to write him.

THEN we have what everyone else tells us about Connor. This should all be taken with a grain of salt because everyone views people differently but their words shouldn’t be totally disregarded either. (Yes I’m going to go on longer even though you never asked for this I’M SORRY I CAN’T STOP NOW) So let’s see what little Connor character traits we can find out from other people that could be potentially used for writing him in the future.

The scene during For Forever tells a lot of about Connor through his family:

Zoe: Connor wasn’t very nice so that makes sense.

Cynthia: Connor was…a complicated person.

Zoe: No. Connor was a bad person. There’s a difference.

In response to finding out Connor pushed Evan. Zoe is shown to have no sympathy for her brother’s actions while Cynthia continues to make excuses for him. I see that as Connor having no mercy on his sister but probably playing his mom to his advantage with what he knew he could get away with.

Cynthia: Did Connor tell you about the Harris’? We used to go skiing together, our families.

Zoe: Connor hated skiing.

Not a sports, activity kinda guy. Doesn’t like things involving social gatherings. Not friendly.

Larry: Somebody had to be the bad guy.

In response to reading Connor’s emails. This one is a little iffy in regards to Connor’s character. It’s more a Larry thing. Because I don’t know if Connor was actually aware that his emails were read or not but either way it shows that he was completely not trusted by his family. Also that pointing out again that Cynthia was probably a push over when it came to Connor and he knew that.

Cynthia: We used to go to the orchard all the time. We;d do picnics there. Remember that Zoe?

Zoe: Yeah I do.

Cynthia: You and Connor had that little toy plane that you would fly. [to Larry, with sad laughter] Until you flew it into the creek.

Larry: No that was an emergency landing.

This is big. Things weren’t always hell in the Murphy house. There were good memories. Sadly though good memories are often overshadowed by the bad ones. Connor seemed to cast a huge shadow over this family. But it is important to note that Connor and Zoe used to play together as children. Things. Aren’t. Always. Awful. Connor wasn’t a reckless beast. He can be written to be playful and funny and sarcastic and sweet. Just balance it out with the angst. People are complicated and have tons of depth so try to write them that way if you can.

Other things said at random points throughout the play…

Jared:

“Connor Murphy is batshit out of his mind. Remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade because he didn’t get to be the line leader that day?

Connor has had anger issues since he was a child too.

Alana:

“Still can’t believe the terrible news about @ connormurphy. I wouldn’t say that we were friends exactly. More like acquaintances. We were in chemistry together. I’m pretty sure. Also he was in my English class in 10th grade. Almost positive. Yeah he was definitely in my English class. Three days ago Connor Murphy was here and now hes gone. If Connor meant something to you please retweet or private message me if you just wanna talk. At time like thees we could all use a friend.”

Honestly, this says way more about Alana’s character but it still mentions Connor so I’m adding it.

But what I do get from this was the Connor has/had a twitter (or some form of social media, but I’m assuming twitter since the “retweet” bit) and Alana followed him on it?

“He was one of my closest acquaintances. He was my lab partner in Chemistry and we presented on Huck Fin together in 10th grade. He was so funny. Instead of calling it, well, Huck Fin…[fades off]. Nobody else in our class thought of that.”

Again, speaks more to Alana’s character than Connors. But I also wonder if this is actually true or if she made this up in a similar fashion to Evan in order to put herself in the story…since she didn’t even recall if he was in those classes or not earlier.

BUT assuming that this was true, Connor doesn’t seem to care much for school. Or he could have been trying to make jokes in order to gain friends. If he worked with Alana on projects, her personality would have steam rolled over his. I think she would be the type of person he would sit back and let take control and tell him what to do then just go along with it.

Zoe:

“Just because Connor isn’t here, trying to punch through my door, screaming that he’s going to kill me for no reason, that doesn’t mean that all of a sudden we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.”

I mean…yikes.

“After all you put me through. Don’t say it wasn’t true. That you were not the monster that I knew”

This shit just breaks my damn heart. You are not the monster that I knew is one of my favorite lines in the entire play. In Zoe’s story, Connor is the villain. He hurt her. He abused her. And no one did anything about it to protect her or stop him. I haven’t really had a chance to write too much of Zoe into my writings yet but I know that if/when I do, Connor is not going to be a kind character to her.

Larry:

“We didn’t think Connor had any friends.”

All they found with Connor was Evan’s letter. I wonder how many times he reread it, if at all, before he died. Do you think he calmed down and looked at it again through a different light? This time maybe seeing how depressed and unhappy Evan was too? I wonder if he found comfort in that at all and that’s why it was still in his pocket. Of course that’s purely speculation on my part. He could have just shoved it in there and forgot it was there. That’s the beautiful thing about this play, there’s a lot that the viewer can piece together and take away on their own. Things are never fed to you. They present them simply and let you take what you need from it.

Anyway, yeah, Connor had no friends. That point was already kinda clear though.

“I gave you the world. You threw it away.”

Connor grew up in a well off family. They were rich. He literally could of had anything he wanted but he didn’t. I take that as Connor not giving a shit about material items. He probably has little regard for things. You could write that as him throwing and breaking near by items if he’s mad or simply tossing things around and not caring abobut them. Whereas someone who grew up poor, would be more likely to take care of their things because they know they can’t just get more.

“I didn’t realize Connor meant this much to people.”

In his father’s eyes, Connor didn’t mean very much. He was probably able to pick up on that and it would affect his attitude and behavior to other people. If he felt he didn’t mean much to his own father, then why would he ever be special to anyone else?

“He left it in the bag with the tags still on.”

Larry’s weak attempt at reaching out to his son with a baseball glove. It was probably obvious to everyone that Connor was not a sports person. He probably hated baseball. But Larry likes it so he tried to force his hobbies onto Connor. It was received by Connor not even opening the gift. From Connor’s perspective, he could have taken that as a ‘wow my father knows literally nothing about me wtf’ where as Larry would have viewed that differently but this is not about Larry asd;kfja

“Your dad must feel pretty lucky to have a son like you.”

Another great line in this play! It hurts my soul. Connor is a disappointment to his father. Larry wished Connor could have been something more than he was. Once again, this shit would weigh on Connor’s mind and fuck him up.

Cynthia:

“I don’t remember the last time I heard him laugh.”

That shit is dark yo. Connor doesn’t laugh around his family. He’s unhappy there.

“Connor didn’t get invited to any bar mitzvahs” [paraphrasing that quote]

Cynthia always had hope for Connor. I like to imagine Connor not being as nasty to his mother than everyone in the family. She really loved him and I hope he could feel that deep down.

And, of course, Evan:

“Over the summer I found this yearbook thing that our class made in 8th grade. Most people did collages of their friends. But Connor’s was a list of his ten favorite books.”

One of my favorite bits I like to write into stories is that Connor liked to read. For a middle school kid to have ten favorite books, and care enough about them to put them into a yearbook, is kinda of special. Books are methods of escapism to many people and I like to think Connor is included in that group.

OKAY IM GOING TO STOP THIS IS SO LONG I AM SO SORRY THIS WAS NOT THE RESPONSE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR I WROTE YOU A DUMB CHARACTER STUDY INSTEAD. THIS IS ALL HOW I SEE CONNOR SO IT’S HOW I TRY TO WRITE HIM YOU COULD SEE HIM SUPER DIFFERENTLY AND WRITE HIM DIFFERENTLY THATS WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT WRITING

#Anonymous #asks #connor murphy #dear evan hansen

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kohakuneko · 7 years ago

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The Best Anime You’re Not Watching: Princess Principal

If you follow me over on my main blog, you’ve probably seen me gushing/screaming/crying about this show for the past month or so (you’re probably tired of it by now and I’m not sorry). I knew from the premise that I was going to like this anime at least a little bit, but I really wasn’t expecting the huge emotional reaction I ended up having towards it and from what I can tell a lot of other people who watched this show feel the same way. Anyways, I love this show to death and more people need to watch it, which is exactly what the point of this blog is. And I really want to post more often here, so this seems like the perfect opportunity to talk about Princess Principal. (also I have a lot of thoughts about this show and absolutely nobody to talk about it with because none of my friends have seen it yet WHICH IS REALLY FRUSTRATING DAMMIT)

Princess Principal is set in Albion, an alternate steampunk version of late-19th/early-20th century England. Ten years following a civil war known as the “London Revolution”, a great wall separates the country into two opposing nations: the Commonwealth and the Kingdom. Though officially at peace, conflict is still high between both factions as each side sends spies to duke it out in the shadows. Our story follows a team of five undercover Commonwealth agents: Ange, a pathological liar and self-proclaimed alien, Dorothy, the team’s leader, getaway driver, and token sex appeal, Beatrice, a sweet sweet cinnamon roll with the ability to mimic people’s voices, Chise, a skilled samurai experiencing massive amounts of culture shock, and Princess Charlotte, a member of the Kingdom’s royal family who is totally Ange’s girlfriend. Every night for these spies is girl’s night out as they crash parties, take names, and navigate the mysterious underworld of espionage.

First thing we have to get on the same page about is the opening. Because it’s absolutely EPIC.

(i thought tumblr let you embed videos but i guess not? or maybe i screwed up? anyways there’s a link up there go watch it)

Moving on, let’s start praising Princess Principal (holy wow ALLITERATION) by talking about the setting. This show has literally everything I could ever want to see: steampunk, action, spies, and a kickass all-female lead cast… and lesbians, but more on that later. Probably my favorite things about the universe of Princess Principal are all the little gadgets the characters use, most notably Ange’s C-Ball that lets her float.

There’s also other things like the huge machinery we see in an underground scene, the cars that the team drives, the Kingdom’s airships… whatever the heck Beatrice made in episode 8…

(seriously we never get any kind of explanation for this thing and it never comes back again but this one little part is so frickin funny)

There’s also concept art/blueprints somewhere of some of the different vehicles and mechanical devices seen in the show. I can’t find them now (I wanna say they’re on twitter?), but I remember they were pretty detailed and it’s clear a lot of thought was put into the inner workings of everything no matter how big or small. And yes, there’s blueprints for Beatrice’s thingamajig too.

On the subject of detail and thought, a lot of that definitely went into the writing as well. There are a lot of mysteries and plot twists to unravel throughout the series that are very well executed. Most of it is based around sprinkling in little hints throughout an episode that come together within the final minutes and though they’re not completely obvious at first, they’re always right there in front of you in plain sight; you just have to pay close attention. Being able to pick up on all these things kind of makes you feel like a spy yourself, in a way.

The music for Princess Principal was done by Yuki Kajiura, which automatically gives pretty much every anime fan very high expectations going in. I think Kajiura really delivers in this series; in fact, this might be one of my favorite soundtracks of hers to date. There’s a lot of her signature style that we all know and love, complete with the epic vocals in the background, but in this OST she also adds a lot of jazzy pieces into the mix as well. It kinda gives it a bit of a “James Bond” type of feel, perfect for spies running around in jolly old England Albion, especially when the saxophone kicks in. Even the opening, while not composed by her, still gives off the same sort of vibe with the bass around the middle of the track along with, of course, some awesome sax. (oh boy don’t read that bit out loud haha if you know what I mean)

And now, finally, we get to the bit I’ve been most itching to talk about. The thing that is, in my opinion, the biggest strength of Princess Principal: its characters.

At first glance, we have a very typical action team setup. You’ve got the leader (Dorothy), the cool prodigious main character (Ange), the muscle (Chise), the sweet smart one (Princess), and of course, the lil’ cute one who supplies the moe (Beatrice). But as you watch the show, you find out very quickly that all five of them are developed much much further than those basic concepts and that none of them are what they seem to be on the surface, which is pretty fitting since they’re all spies. (yeah, I know I called Dorothy the “token sex appeal” earlier, but that was just for comedic purposes; don’t get mad at me plz XD) And as you just saw in the above image, they’ve all got really cool designs, too. (where can i get me Ange’s hat and cape i really want them)

Of course, this is a show about a team of spies, so it wouldn’t matter how cool they all were individually if they didn’t work together well as a cast. And they do. Ange, as the main character, is not surprisingly exceptionally skilled all around and in any other show she’d probably just be soloing every mission. But as good as she is, she isn’t at all invincible or OP; she needs the specialized abilities that all her teammates possess. Each of them has a very important role to play and none of them are at any point just dead weight. The other four team members don’t just exist to support Ange either; all five of them support each other as a single unit.

They also play off one another very well outside of missions and their team dynamic has clear development over the course of the show. And that development is not derived from the overdone “You’re getting a partner” “But I don’t want a partner” “Actually come to think of it you’re not so bad partner” schtick you see in all the buddy cop movies; they don’t do that at all THANK GOD. Instead, it’s a bit more on the internal and subtle side. At the start, while everyone clearly works together well and missions go very smoothly for the most part, you still get the sense that they have a very thin layer of trust towards one another and they may not all be on the same side, which, again, is very befitting of spies. Sure they’re teammates and they all work for the same people, but individually they each have their own goals and motivations, some more obvious than others. Because of that, they each occasionally withhold information from each other and sometimes even the audience (again, some more than others). But as time goes on and they figure out more about each other, they start to bond and form a genuine friendship. They begin to channel their individual goals into their work as a team and either open up about or put to rest whatever secrets they’re keeping. And again, all of this is very subtle, which is as it should be; we don’t need all this stated, we can clearly see their chemistry.

And SPEAKING of clearly seeing chemistry…. Ange and Princess are gay. Like, REALLY FUCKIN GAY. Like, I have no idea how they’re so good at stealth missions cuz they’re setting off ALL the gaydar alarms with how gay they are.

If you’ve been on either of my blogs for a while, you probably know that the only anime I watch have lesbians or at the very least a ton of yuri subtext. (okay that’s a lie I watch other things too… kind of…) So yeah, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that most of the reason I kept watching this show was because I ship these two XD. But in all seriousness, they are perfect together; their relationship is very well-developed both casually and romantically and easily one of the show’s highlights.

And what makes this pairing even better is that IT’S BASICALLY CONFIRMED TO BE CANON IN EVERY DAMN CAPACITY. I won’t spoil the show here of course, but they make it pretty clear that the two of them are in love. Also, if you’ve watched some of the livestream events with the main voice actors because you’re running away from responsibilities and don’t want to sleep (help me), then you’ll see that they all pretty much ship them too (especially Ange’s and Princess’s VAs). They’re all such cute lovable dorks and it’s clear they care about the show as much as the rest of us do, which is always great.

And lastly, good god, have you SEEN the promo art???

yep. das pretty gay.

So what have we learned today from this long-ass post? Princess Principal is a marvelous anime with an intriguing setting, awesome music, brilliant characters, and adorable lesbian spies. What more could you possibly need in a show? Please go give this anime the love it deserves; you won’t regret it.

#split this up because this post got LONGGGGG #i already cut a bunch as i was writing this and its still so damn long #this is definitely the longest post ive ever made here so far #i have a lot of thoughts about this show that i wanted to get out lol #TOO MANY #princess principal #if you actually read this all the way through thank you for appreciating all my rambling

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evenstevensranked · 7 years ago

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#31: Season 1, Episode 2 - “Stevens Genes”

Louis makes the track team! Not only that, he’s poised to be the new star runner! The only problem is that Louis runs as slow as a sloth. Sound confusing? Well, it’s all part of Larry Beale’s plan to set him up for failure and humiliation.

It’s only the second episode of the entire series and things are already starting to pick up amazingly. This episode is packed with memorable and quotable lines, many of which I still use to this day. This one continues with the theme established from day one: Louis trying to discover something he’s good at. I love this theme. It makes for some awesome character growth and it works really well here!

It opens with Coach Tugnut rallying up the boys in gym class, announcing that there’s an open spot on the track team. This of course, somehow segues into him worshiping Donnie Stevens and ranting about how much of a legend he is and what an asset he once was to the track team. Well, to every team actually. If Ren is the academic overachiever, Donnie is the athletic overachiever. Tugnut yells at the class army style to turn right and bow their heads. We then get a shot of this giant mural dedicated to Donnie excelling at every sport ever with patriotic music playing in the background. It’s incredible. It also includes one of the greatest unspoken quotes ever:

Donnie needs to give a TED Talk. Stat.

While this Donnie praise is happening, they make a point to show Larry Beale -- who I’m assuming is Coach Tugnut’s assistant since he’s not in Grade 7, looking visibly disgusted. He mumbles “Donnie Stevens is over. It’s my turn now” to himself. Oh, boy.

They head out to the track to do some timed sprints. Of course, Larry is the one with the stopwatch. Larry’s sort of taunting all the kids trying to motivate them to run faster. When it’s Louis’ turn we get a line that always gets a laugh out of me:

The thought of Louis “running” slow enough to take days to reach point B is great. Gotta love his self-awareness.

To everyone’s surprise, Louis is extremely fast. Even faster than Donnie’s best time. Could this be Louis’ “thing” he’s good at?! Don’t get your hopes up. Larry purposely clocked his time in at 18.25 seconds... which is probably a good 8-10 seconds before Louis actually finished lol. Tugnut is shocked and gives Louis the vacant spot on the team immediately.

Tugnut is totally kissing Louis’ butt now because he thinks he’s carrying on the Stevens Dynasty. Louis is seriously amazed that he’s so fast!! “I always knew you had it in you!!” Tugnut tells him. And then we get yet another line I love:

Legendary save, Tugnut. Legendary save. I literally use this quote whenever the opportunity arises.

Louis starts hanging out with Donnie more to get some sports advice. Donnie suggests the most ridiculous things like putting mousse in your hair for aerodynamic-ness and shaving your legs to run like the wind. Which results in a line you’ve undoubtedly heard: “Donnie, I’m running track -- not modeling pantyhose.”

We see that Ren has been assigned to cover sports for the school newspaper. She discovers that Louis made the track team, and is immediately suspicious. I’d be too, tbh. I mean, this is the same kid who gets cramped up and winded just from tying his shoes. Louis is pretty excited about this new-found talent, though. He’s finally starting to feel like a true member of the Stevens family. Naturally, this goes to his head and he’s already dreaming of becoming a multimillionaire Olympic athlete:

Do athletes just stand in the middle of a packed arena and get handed giant checks for 40 mil? Like... is that a thing? Not to mention, the check is from “Hoop Stars” and clearly shows a basketball player logo. Okay.

Around this point, we start to see Louis succumbing to peer pressure a bit. This happens a few more times throughout the series. Yet another symptom of desperately wanting to fit into his family. He ditches Tawny and Twitty at lunch to hang out with Larry and the popular jocks.

Larry is so fake. Louis is so pure. I’m so sad.

Ren stops by to get a quote from Louis about the big meet against Rockport and he gives the most awkwardly ridiculous and overdramatic statement. That patriotic music we heard earlier kicks in again. It’s great. The cherry on top is when he mispronounces Rockport “Rock-a-por.”

Later that day before practice, Louis takes Donnie’s mousse advice a little too far:

You’ve probably seen gifs from this scene. (Especially the gif version of the photo I chose for the cover picture.)

He shows up to practice feelin’ all suave with his moussed-to-death hair. There’s a “Staying Alive” knock-off playing as he walks towards the track. I actually love that this show basically never got the rights to use the legitimate songs. It sort of makes everything funnier, imo. That, and Disney Channel is cheap apparently and don’t permanently pay for the rights to popular songs. Dunno if I mentioned this before, but Lizzie McGuire was pretty much the channel’s most popular show and was super trendy/caught up in Early 00′s pop culture. Therefore, that show used SO MANY official songs. 16 years later, almost all of those songs are missing in the reruns and replaced with terrible stock music. An iconic scene like the “Us Against The World” music video is not nearly as impactful or nostalgic because they’re dancing to generic techno music now. It SUCKS. So, thank god Even Stevens never used any. Their stock music sort of works subconsciously. The song used here is totally not “Staying Alive” -- but it’s juuust close enough that it triggers your brain and you remember it as “Staying Alive.” Kinda cool.

Side note: It’s so difficult to not quote almost every line of this episode. There are so many good ones, I have to keep stopping myself from typing out a freaking transcript.

Anyway, Ren observes Louis and Larry practicing and it’s crystal clear that Larry is holding back for whatever reason.

Be a little less obvious, Larry. Also, sorry for all the gifs. I can’t help myself.

Ren puts the pieces together and figures out what Larry is up to. His plan is to set Louis up to fail big time at the meet. That way when he beats Louis, he’ll be able to gloat about beating “the fastest Stevens of all!” Makes sense. Ren tries telling Louis, but of course, he doesn’t believe her........ WE GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN ONE EPISODE LATER IN WHAT’LL IDOL DO, JUST REVERSED. God. Siblings not believing each other drives me insaaaane. I understand where Louis’ unwillingness to believe is coming from though. He insists that Larry is Ren’s enemy, not his, and he’s just so excited to finally have something to be good at. It breaks my heart.

Ren later apologizes and tells Louis that she’s proud of him. Louis rants again about everyone in the family having their “thing” and now that he’s found his he’s not gonna let anyone take it away. But, Ren tells him “You HAVE your thing. You’re... funny.” *Cue the emotional piano. Literally.* You can tell those words really mean a lot to him.

We’ve made it to the big track meet. Coach Tugnut gives the guys possibly the greatest motivational words ever: “Remember, it’s not whether you win or lose -- as long as you come in first.” Perfect. There’s also a great bit here where Donnie is stretching Louis’ leg and asks him when the last time he stretched was. Louis is clearly in pain and says “I don’t have a schedule with me right now... but if I were to guess..... uhh.... NEVER?!” - This is so me. I’ve also used that quote before.

We learn that Louis’ main rival is some dude Trevor Dunn. As the runners take off, both Trevor and Larry dramatically fall halfway to the finish line. Victory is within Louis’ reach... If he just keeps running, he’ll totally win! But what does he do?! He runs over to help them instead. The sucky thing is, Larry faked his injury and pulls Louis to the ground like “lol got ya” and wins the race. Louis stays behind and comforts Trevor, who has an actual sprained ankle. What a sweetheart. Louis is cracking jokes (”Talk about the agony of da-feet. Please, no standing ovations.”) and making Trevor laugh pretty hard. So, Trevor casually says “You’re funny.” :’) This time it means so much more coming from someone who’s not his sister.

Even though Larry won, the entire crowd is cheering “LOUIS, LOUIS!” for his good deed. Larry is fuming.

The final scene is a sweet mirror talk. I think I’ve mentioned enough how much I love and miss these. This one is a favorite of mine:

"The best thing that happened to me today? A kid called me funny. And as much as I like being on the track team and hanging out with my brother... I like being funny more."

This is so heartwarming. Because it’s obvious that comedy is truly his "thing." It’s nice to see him accept that. (Even though he still struggles later on.) This is another parallel with Shia, I think. He has suuuch a natural gift for comedy. I want him to embrace it more these days!!! *sigh* Plz god.

Louis also ends up getting Student of the Month and his picture is adorable lol

I really, really like this episode.

I feel like most people remember this one pretty well. If you watched Disney Channel during Even Stevens’ original run, then you most definitely remember a slew of quotes. Its quotability is the main reason I’ve ranked this towards the higher end of the list. I also have a soft spot for this episode in general and there’s some nice character development as well.

Like I’ve mentioned before, Disney hammers the first few episodes of a show into the freaking ground. I swear I’ve seen the same few episodes of Andi Mack and Raven’s Home on TV every single day since they premiered. That’s basically what they did with Even Stevens, too. It’s part of what makes Season 1 particularly memorable at times. There really isn’t much that I dislike about this one. Like most S1 episodes, it’s just a little slower. Since it’s super early in the series, the overall plot feels very Late 90′s Disney Channel. Similar to All About Yvette. (I feel like I bring that episode up constantly lol) There’s just a certain pure, old school, generic quality to it that simply cannot be accurately explained and somehow makes me feel a little neutral about it.

That being said, this is only EPISODE 2!!!! Considering that, it’s top-notch honestly. Right out the gate, we’re getting to see more sides to Louis Stevens. Naïve, arrogant/head in the clouds, caring, funny. And of course, we ultimately see what a good kid at heart he is. And boy, do I love to see that. :D

Thanks fo’ readin.

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bluekitsune · 8 years ago

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Late NDRV3 Chapter 6 + Epilogue impressions

HOLY SHIT ITS SPY BOY ITS SPY BOY ITS SPY BOY???? DANGAN RONPA 0 IN MY V3/???????????????????.... No It couldn’t be. He’s long dead. Yuto Kamishiro can’t be this “Makoto”. Is Normal-chan our Spoiler-chan? Hmm. I just have a gut feeling he’s a Despair idk why And if he’s so normal, how was he on Kibougamine? Was it the first or the new school??????? HMMM????????

KIBO NO Don’t........ I don’t want him to die noooo >:C DONT TOUCHY THE ROBOT ....... He might be disconnected from Naegey but he’s still our pinnochio. Kibo wtf plz

Ouma the ultimate fanboy of Movie Vilains. I stg (dem funny glasses omg...... Afro wigs, batcar? He’s a total fanboy) What the fuck is up with the DICE thing?

Oh I knew the Remembering Light was delayed. But what was the point? Hinder them investigating the Mystery of the school? That’s fuckign cheap. Is that the same Makoto from the initial flashback? I’m gonna bet my ass it is.

Is he calling “them” heroes because the Future Foundation members survived a Killing Game, if Tenjou’s game could even be called that? Hmm Did FF fall or not?

OMFG OUMA GRABBED AMAMI’S DOLL........ That’s gay

That horse mask wtf He was a closeted clown all along wow...... Is he a Joker fan? Crimes with laughter and no killing? Color me confused. I guess the Panta should’ve been a massive giveaway. Did he fall into despair after his crew was taken prisioner? I....

Now he’s gonna pull us by the nose again? Wow. OK

“Ro is Twins”? rantaRO? ShiROgane? Is this pointing to the Mastermind again? Like when he said the first one to die is related to the mastermind? Is that why we werent allowed into Amami’s room?

OH MY GOD THAT throwback. The nostalgia bricked me in the face. FUCK.... So it definitely wasn’t Kibougamine that erased their talents. Then, who was it? Was it the “Remnants of Despair” aka the SDR2 crew? Who enabled them to erase their talent and hide from the SHSL Hunt?

CHARGE THE KIBO POWER

Omg Ro is twins...... The Gemini dial! Uma is HORSE????? Horse head?????? How far into this did Ouma know? This started being written in chapter 2 no?

Oh so the weird background was Amami’s room... And he was talking to his future, memoryless self? That’s nuts;; Uhm....... I cannot hold all these wtfs. Did he survive a killing game....... Done with these same students? Done with other students? Because if I was right about them actually being revived and Mastermind redoing it over and over, then he could have survived one of the “previous” “same” Killing Game. But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself @_@ Trying to piece all this shit together is always nuts without the final reveal. But if that were the case, wouldn’t he have had another talent, the talent that got him into the SHSL category in the first place?

NO....... How dare you show me everyone being friends? How dare you shove that in my face

Not this twin bullshit again. If you tell me her twin is Monaka i’m gonna murder myself

Catch ALL THE BUGS. It’s kinda cute that Ouma planned something like that, even if he was the cause for Gonta’s death....... I’m guessing there’s some nanomachine that they mistook for bugs

MONOKUMA PLANNED PARENTHOOD omfg. That tacky as fuck room. Of course it has to be a Junko fan. And HO look at the bullshit murder again. Is it just gonna be “Amami was very conveniently killed by the mastermind instead of by Bakamatsu’s trap and she was executed wrongly everyone cries” thing? It’s funny Amami had the cheat map version, kinda like if you start Castlevania with the hidden places.

ANOTHER hidden passage in the bathroom...... I’m not even surprised.

I KNEW IT. There WERE lies in the Remembering Light. The question is how to tell between them. Saihara why u not look through all the directories god dingit U friggin detective bitch

Kibo is so cool :C He’s just so damn Megaman cool. Fuse Megaman and Raiden and you have Kiboo

Ok so..... maybe instead of clones, there’s... the one that has some sort of Time travel would be? The mastermind? Kaede’s twin? Time for some 999 SteinsGate bullshit. But then why would they say they can bring back the dead? How would that even work?

Oh no .... I was just thinking Shirogane had very little spotlight moments and even less character development. Now everything points to the Mastermind being a student

:CCC WELL..... It’d make her switching clothes with Akamatsu even more ironic. Also again it’d be a twin with blonde hair and a twin with blue hair. What IS IT with this combination???

SMH..... The passage in the bathroom completely fucks over Shirogane. Because she’s the only one that was in the girl’s bathroom for a long time. I shouldve known better than to let myself like her......... Nooooooooooo

53 generation bullshit? What the dicks is this? Hmm. V3. 53 huh. They screwed us over a lot

Yeah so if the memories were indeed false now we proceed to question everything. Is this false too, is this false too? For all we know the world could still be fucked but not from asteroids. But what would be the point if they weren’t even from Kibougamine? That would just be lame.

Are they in a simulation again?????? Suddenly Hinata?????? What

Now that’s just shitposting. They’re gonna pull the “it’s fiction” card.

Well. This is extreme shitposting. Are they calling the fanbase sick sadistic fucks? “u guys watching these poor people kill each other” or something?

I cannot hold this level of meta. All these wall breaks

I CANT BREATHE, LOOK AT THE TITLE SHITPOSTING???? It’s exactly like series that go on too long

So is solving that one case what landed Saihara in this? Or are their talents actually fabricated as well? <_> Are the people dead or alive?????? TEll me gonta is alive plz Nope they’re dead. They’re all dead for the sake of Tsumugi’s OCs........... GHHGJHDSGJH

Yep we were played hardcore. All the first appearances were the real appearances.

I really REALLY missed the DR1/2 voices DAMN. Fujisaki :C Ishimaru..... Even Celeste FUCK. Was Sayaka’s voice always this amazing? I love how harsh Peko’s voice is,,,,,, I love the DR2 crew so much....... cries on hands

So many out of character sayings. I’m sure the characters would loathe seeing themselves say some of those things lmao god

I think they got a real point. How you can suffer and be in pain with a “lie”, a fiction, but also how you can feel joy and hope out of the same lie/fiction.The dillema of fiction, of experimenting with taboo topics, in this example the killing, and questioning how much it plays a part into the reality side.

But in this case, it’s going to another level. Like questioning human existence in SOMA. If you take a real human mind and place it in a robotic body, can it still be called a human existence? Can humans scanned and preserved in a “fiction” still be called human?

The ideas are very fucking smart. Kodaka trolled us hard while also questioning the entire fanbase and his series base. And dang, all those inside jokes. They really took a good long look at the fandom and how we think; But it’s still hilarious it’s all orchestrated by a greedy company, ran by a delirious cosplayer fangirl and feeding the masses that want both the negative and the positive points of the plot/characters

Kaito was in it for mundane reasons and ended up with the meaningful “protag” role huh. I wonder what bullshit Korekiyo said to earn himself such a shitty background story. I like his character. Just..... I wish his reasons were not bad writing. Tsumugi u done fucked up

Robot Bondage? I strangely approve of that

Shirogane waving goodbye with mascot,. throwback to Chiaki....... CRIES

:C Well I was right in not expecting Kibo to live. But still he’s the best survey processor ever. My favorite quiz boy. I will pretend you’re alive and well flying up the clouds cuz FUCK IT

In a sense, it’s like they’re blowing up a literal hole into ending the series and opening a path to direct the fans back to reality, or per say, the outside. “Go out there, do the thing, hope out there.”

In a world where your identity and truths and lies are uncertain, you have to pave a way for yourself taking the best out of it all? I’m sure someone will reason this game ending and the analogies way more eloquently, but anyway.

I really enjoyed the story. The extra effort they put on CGs really enrichened everything. I’m not sure how I feel about the big big big plot twist yet. I guess it’s something to slowly digest over time. Can’t say this is my favorite.

Was the time travel thing a misunderstanding by the fans or a prank by Kodaka? I kept expecting it and it was nowhere

I’d say in most to least fav, I’m still with SDR2, DR0, DR1, and last? DRAE. I still don’t know how to feel about Another Episode or the animes TBH

So this was me going through this rollercoaster. If you read this so far, then I hope you laughed at my stupid at least once. I’m gonna go and reblog a fuckton of fanart now. Bye

#drv3 #ndrv3 #ndrv3 spoilers #new danganronpa v3 #kitsune adventures #spoilers yadda etc bladibla

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ellerevelle · 6 years ago

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polyamory

or is it just hookup culture

both exist. i dont think what im involved in is deep enough to be considered a polyamorous relationship, because i dont think this guy likes me enough to consider me a person he’s in a relationship with. I’m in that point where I’m afraid to ask him anything for fear of scaring him away. Which isn’t healthy at all, I realize.

We went to a BDSM dungeon party friday night. I admitted to him that thats extremely intimidating to me. New places in general, new bars, new friends houses, new places freak me out and make me feel anxiety. So this was definitely, obviously, in that vein as well. But we went in, and my confidence felt normal. I wasnt buzzing with comfort, I didnt feel myself glowing (I miss that feeling) but it wasnt scary. If anything it felt neutral. And I felt okay because he and I were together. Hooking up with him wasnt frightening or anything at all, I felt safe because I felt wanted by him. It was liberating. Then again, there wasnt a ton of competition, he even said the next day that he didnt really think anyone else there was attractive. So I wonder if things wouldve been different had there been sexier women there.

I have no idea how to feel right now.

He just messaged me via facebook and didnt ask, he simply said “i'm gonna spend the night with my new friend Ali tonight,”

and continued on, “ does that make you feel any particular way to hear me say?”

And I hesitated in a major way. To be honest, my stomach dropped. Same way my stomach dropped when I was over there Friday night before we left for our event and found an open condom at the foot of his bed. I mean, I know we’re not exclusive, I’ve known that from the start. And have been down with it from the start. I had sex with someone else, too. And definitely dont hesitate flirting or carrying on with people when he’s not around. Which is why I’m not sure how I feel right now. Its a double standard, right? That I’m imposing? I want to be the apple of his eye, of everyone’s fucking eye... I want to be the only one, but yet I want to have the freedom to do what I want and not be judged or managed or shamed...

But I like legit hate this feeling now. I hate that he’s with somebody else, that he’s excited to spend time with some new other girl. I’m trying to be confident, to know that humans are humans and we all have different things to offer and she’s not me and I’m not her, and that there are things about me that are very special and that him sleeping with her doesnt negate anything about how rad I am.

But like, if he thinks I’m rad and likes me, why not just... ask me to hang out tonight? It makes my insecurities skyrocket. Like, am I not interesting enough? Not pretty enough, funny enough? Was I not as cool as I thought I was? Am I being TOO clingy now that he and I are getting more comfortable? Am I setting myself up as the hookup BDSM group party friend? Because although I am excited about exploring that without judgement or slut shaming, my HEART NEEEEDS so much more... I’m scared. Multi level scared, like... He asked “does that make you feel any particular way to hear me say?”

I wanted to type YES YES IT DOES MAKE ME FEEL A PARTICULAR WAY AND I DONT LOVE IT. but like... fuck man, like... does that ruin everything? he wont reconsider hanging out with her if I dont like it. I feel like he’d just still hang with her and reconsider ME.

I want to be special enough for someone to prioritize. I guess maybe him deciding to ask me IS showing me he respects me? But it kinda feels like a trick question sortof? I mean... he wasnt asking me if it was okay for him to sleep with her. that part of the message was a statement of fact.

The question was, does it make me FEEL something. that feels like a trick question. Does he want me to feel jealous? I kindof wish he did... Like, if he felt jealous of some other guy I’m sleeping with, I’d feel flattered. And consider trying to be more monogomous to consider his feelings, tbh.

So what if I’d said, yes that makes me feel jealous?

And then like... what if thats bad and then my jealousy scares him off or bothers him or makes him worry that theres pressure on him now and all the other things women do to men and men do to women in relationships...!?! I know he’s afraid of expectations, he said so in a voicemail and has never brought it back up... which I find quite telling. Its clear he’s scared. Which is kindof what I considered, warp speed, before I typed my reply to him on facebook fucking messenger.

Because, you know, conversations of the heart deserve a rich and immersive platform, LIKE FACEBOOK FUCKING MESSENGER -___-

I replied to him with two gifs.

One was a “eehhhhh I dont knoooooowww about this....” squidgy eyed shrug sortof face.

Then the next one was a “go for it girl” wink from The New Girl.

Then I wrote

“ i think polyamory is great, the experience with you has been my first foray into it and so while i have pangs of hesitation, all in all im confident in myself and fucking love our chemistry and feel a smoothness to it all“

I dont totally feel a smoothness to it all. What I really wanted to say was, “just help me feel special. as long as I feel special to you, like, you show me that I matter to you, I’m down with other women in your life. Just dont make me feel like I’m just a consolation prize or a second thought or like, a back burner sort of person. Make me feel special, that you know I’m awesome, and I’m okay”

But I dont know if that would have read well.

With my ex, that didnt go well. I didnt articulate it in a manner he understood and I guess I came off sounding like a controlling diva princess. Which I still dont totally understand but, hey, we’re all biased to whats in our own heads. Our own words and opinions always make sense to US because theyre OURS, right? So yea. I didnt type all that.

I tried to come off as cool. Hesitant, but confident. So I hope that he like... sees that and like, sees me being cool and KNOWS that I’m special. Because I imagine not everyone would reply like that? Fuck me man. FUUUCKK, see!? all this big long post... I’m not cool about this.

Who is she? Is she hotter, funnier, cooler? better in bed? is it a psychology thing, like shes a NEW person so thats intriguing? Younger? Harder to get? I’ll never know unless we talk about it but I’m concerned talking about it I’ll slip up and say the wrong thing and lose this whole situation, then he’ll DEFINITELY sleep with other people and DEFINITELY put me on the back burner and OMG insecurities suck.

I just want somebody to see me as awesome as I feel, and say nice things and want to be around me the way I want to be around them. I want to share and make music and food with someone I love and tell them theyre great and make out and make love and be proud to hold hands at a party and have no one else because we’ve got all we need and aint nobody gon’ step to our awesomeness because we’re royalty. Like having a best friend. Like a beeeeeest friend.

I asked him if shes coming to his New Years Day party. I’ve been looking forward to going for a few days now, but now I’m realizing I wont necessarily be the apple of his eye. I’m horrible at competing for attention, especially in a blatant way. Plus I think it puffs up men’s egos too much to like, fawn for attention. I know I just have to be myself and if he sees me and notices and comes over to give ME attention then thats great, and if not I’m still just present and being myself and thats as pure as it has to be...

But I have a knot in my stomach now. Im trying really hard to be cool while still dropping hints of like, Hey I want you to treat me like a lady and maybe kiss my cheek and tell me its all gonna be okay, so to speak.

I dont want to need to be coddled. But I’m not that indifferent of a person. I want to KNOW how people feel about me.

I guess it could be cool tho, to like... be sexy and sexual and know he’s into me but okay with me expressing myself with other people. That is actually pretty cool, if thats whats happening.

But then why am I having such a hard time turning it around and being happy for him and confident for him and psyched for him to be with other people?

I feel like, ideally, I want to be with someone super hot and sexy and JUST into me, but to have the same intentions of like... kicking ass and taking names TOGETHER. Like, having threesomes or group sex and dominating the room, having everyone love us and fawn over us, but KNOW that we’re a TEAM and that without a single down we kick ass TOGETHER and are only in love with each other. That we can be physical and enjoy other people but at the end of the day we’re the ones in charge, our love is untouchable and although other people are fun and part of the mix, that nothing can reach the pinnacle of awesome that is us.

THAT would be tight. But I dont think he’s in that frame of mind. Nor am I sure that I’d even want that with someone I’m not in love with. And I’m not in love with him. Not yet any way. There’s so much more to learn first. SOOOOOOO much more to learn first.

Our “relationship”? does feel more mature though. At least for me. I am (contrary to this journal entry) much more brave about saying things out loud to him. I feel like I can confess and be more truthful about my opinions and what I need. Not entirely, but definitely more than with my ex.

uuuugh I feel sad and weird. Probably gonna clean my room and pirate some version of Spirited Away offline.

He just sent me a last little thing, because I said “have a good time tonight, be safe plz (implying please use a condom) and I’ll see ya next year.”

To which he replied “I absolutely will. Sending love hunnybunch.”

So he’s sending love...

Thats at least a smidge of ease off the knot in my stomach. I just wanna feel special :/ I hope she knows about ME. I want some manner of authority here. Although I dont tell other people I flirt or hook up with that I’m sleeping with him... But should I? Are we stepping into actual relationship territory?

I feel like if I knew where he placed me in this then I’d have more solid footing. But how the fuck do I ask that without sounding like a total dweeb/ or Nazi / or chaperone / or old lady?

FUUUCK I feel so dumb!

How can I feel less dumb?

No one is gonna read this far.

Goodnight.

#polyamory #Help #journal #rant

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tumblunni · 8 years ago

Text

Alright I guess I’m watching the two-parter first cos lol I cant just let that spoiler stew in my head for half an hour. Bunni’s commentary below the cut, woooo!!

* I love steven’s postman song * Oh so maybe this is the thing we saw in the mysterious promos where the human characters suddenly go missing for some reason? But i’d think if Jamie didnt show up to work then they’d just send a different postman to deliver steven’s route, I mean we’ve seen that sadie’s mom sometimes delivers instead of him. * where did amethyst even get soda can beans * damn i hate beans and i still really want soda can beans now * PEARL AND GARNET MADE A SANDCASTLE HOUSE FOR CRABS, THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST ADORABLE SCENE IN THIS WHOLE SHOW GODDAMMIT * THEYRE JUST SO HAPPY ABOUT IT * AAAAAAAAAAA * anyway, continuing on... * or not, here have a pic first

* NOW, CONTINUING ON! * OH NOOOOO. man, that scene with sour cream putting up missing posters for his brother is so sad! I’m not a massive onion fan but still, he’s just a lil kid T_T * Okay, i do like that they did actually bring back sadie’s mom the postman, even if it was in a different way than I expected. I dont like the joke about her making secret copies of sadie’s keys though, thats just not funny when we had a whole episode about her being an abusive mother and now its like we’re saying she didnt actually learn her lesson after all. I know it was meant to be a joke tho, but it wasnt very funny so its easy to take it as serious... * I also liked that they brought up the island adventure episode as an idea for where sadie might be. Man that thing was still one of the darkest things ever, yikes... * Tho I do like that sadie’s mom is the first one to take steven’s concerns seriously, and she clearly has changed a bit cos she’s so fired up to save her daughter now. I hope you continue appearing more and continue with this good character development, sadie’s mom! Less dumb abusive parent jokes plz! * I really like aquamarine’s design, yo! She seems kinda like onion’s unique art style? and its cool to see that she’s clearly of the same kind of ‘caste’ as lapis and even shares the same colourscheme but she’s also a very unique variation. Its a shame that the ‘my dad’ thing was what got spoiled for me tho, cos I could imagine I woulda got attatched to her and assumed she was a lil kid if I hadnt seen that part first. * HAPPY MUSHY STEVEN AND CONNIE FRIENDSHIP TIME! while surrounded by the growing dread of all their friends potentially being dead! HOORAY? * okay i laughed way too much at Connie: *crumples up a leaf and watches it blow away* well, we know there’s wind just the overdramatic way it was animated, lol these two really arent very good at detectiving, this episode probably aint gonna end well.. * I also like how much empathy they both had for aquamarine even though they know nothing about her. and the various silly theories of how she has a dad, I totes agree that I’d wanna see a movie about aquamarine as batman! * Steven: *leaning into a tree* JAMIE! You in here delivering packages to some peat moss? WHY AM I LAUGHING SO MUCH * Also a bit late but let me say I loved everyone’s bad attempts at drawing aquamarine. Connie’s super anime version was ADORABLE, and omg pearl doing this uber complex Mucha style thing and going ‘oh im so bad at drawing lol’ * CONNIE YOU ARE MAYBE NOT HOLDING THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF SUSPICION HERE. “Jump down and I’ll shield your fall with my body!” connie please stop being so kind and perfect for once in your life * also its a bit silly that connie is the one who starts to cotton on that this is a tad confusing and suspicious, when steven just had the whole episode with Ruby. You’d think he’d know now not to assume that childlike gems are all instantly good :P * okay NOW he gets suspicious! after he somehow got himself stuck in a tree and connie is right in the grasp of this potentially evil gem. BAD SENSE OF TIMING, DUDE * I know she’s kinda meant to be terrifying but I LOVE TOPAZ ALREADY. Can we plz get like.. a large buff gem who isnt evil for once? Its starting to become an odd pattern. But yeah topaz/topazes hasnt even got a line yet and we dont know anything about her or how that weaponized fusion thing works but its just REALLY COOL and she looks really cute and I would love to hug her if she didnt absorb me into her skin like a horrifying death monster. That SLIGHTLY lowers the huggability factor! Slightly! But seriously she’s like a silent mook to a boss thats really rude to her, so i can totally see a big opportunity for her joining the hero side, yo. * also i like that aquamarine’s weapon is a magical wand that can turn into a hair ribbon. thats just very neat! also reminds me of syndrome from the incredibles * SO YEAH! DAT TWIST! Its cook that they made a callback AAAAAALLLL the way to a stray line of dialogue in peridot’s very first episode! Apparantly steven accidentally caused them to target his friends, cos he talked about them once and homeworld was receiving peridot’s logs back then. And the whole ‘are you my dad’ thing was just because they literally thought greg’s name was ‘my dad’. * Topaz using the captured friends as shields against the heroes = further proof that topaz is more smart than her jerk boss gives her credit for. But also a total dick move, yo! It was funny having the callback to jamie’s crush on garnet tho * same as I said with Navy-ruby, I LOVE that we’re getting more actually detestable villains to root for our heroes to defeat and all. the show was slowing down for a bit when we didnt have any villains or any threats left for like half a whole season. Aquamarine is SO SCARY! ‘they didnt specify the humans have to be alive~ hee hee~’ Yes I am 100% for cliche ‘innocent’ looking characters being evil villains, now can we please have the cliche ‘barbarian mook’ ones be good guys too. PLEASE GIV ME TOPAZ REDEMPTION. I dont know why i want this so much when she’s only been onscreen for 4 dialogueless minutes!!! * okay she’s kinda gonna crush jamie’s skull in the palm of her hand but im still gonna hope for dat redemption yo *STUBBORN TIL THE DAY I DIE* *PROBABLY BY ALSO BEING CRUSHED BY TOPAZ* *BUT WHATEVER* * I cant believe ‘her body is so thicc’ was actually said. Wonder how long until people take that out of context, lol? * I love that the bigger threat than topaz is apparantly jamie’s poetry about being killed by topaz. HURRY UP STEVEN!! * LARS U PIECE OF SHIT! can we just fuckin kill him off already? i’ve had SO much patience for this guy, I just hate how they keep cockteasing us with him learning a lesson or being sympathetic in some way and then keep taking it back and making him EVEN WORSE. Now he’s literally running off and leaving sadie to die! JUST STOP, SHOW. Or at least stop giving him so much screentime if NOTHING IS EVER GONNA HAPPEN IN IT. I started off amoungst the people who thought he was potentially redeemable, yo! >_< * Okay, very good cliffhanger that everyone else escapes but they take steven back to homeworld. Again. Well, hopefully this time will be quite different to the zoo episode? Also it seems lars running away was just a plot device to get lars stuck on the ship too in the end, which *UGH* means he’ll probably get more screentime next episode :P fuckin hell ive given up all hope you’re gonna make him an interesting, fully rounded character ever :P * still hoping for topaz redemption arc * seriously kill lars and bring her back in his place * or just give me a whole episode of topaz slapping him til he becomes a better person * same for aquamarine * everything is solved by topaz’s backhand

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