#but pepsi is still objectively better

[hazbinsponsoredbyvee]

Pepsi's sweeter. That's why Alastor likes coke better.

"Pepsi's still better."

"You have no taste!"

"Guess that's why I'm marrying you."

[idrawweirdstuffnominors]

Bill going on his first date

(Lol ay yi yi i tried to stick to his younger personality

TITLE: "One Combo Meal Away From Murder"

You regretted saying yes the moment you saw him.

Bill Dickey stood by the entrance of the fast food joint, arms crossed, wearing the same faded "Slave Leia" shirt he wore three days ago at the comic shop, stains and all. His cargo shorts were wrinkled, and he still had his laminated convention badge clipped to his belt like it was a Medal of Honor.

"You’re late," he barked the second you approached. "I got here fifteen minutes ago. You ever hear of punctuality? Ever hear of Manners?"

You blinked. “Hi to you too, Bill.”

He barely glanced at you before turning around. "I already scoped the best table—away from the TV so I don’t have to look at football, which is for brain-dead jocks who get scholarships for tackling each other. Come on, I’m starving."

You followed him in, wondering why you thought this was a good idea.

---

Fifteen Minutes Later

"I’m just saying," Bill said between loud bites of his triple bacon burger, "if you're a real girl into fandom, you’d know Kirk is objectively a better captain than Picard. Picard’s a French nerd who drinks tea. Kirk gets laid and throws punches. That’s what a real man does. That’s what I’d do if I were captain."

You stared at him. "I like Picard because he thinks before he acts."

"Pfft. Typical. Female logic. No offense, but that’s why girls shouldn't write sci-fi. Emotions and crap. They ruin everything. Twilight exists because someone let a chick near a keyboard."

You put your fries down. “Wow. That’s not offensive at all.”

"I’m just being honest," he said, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “God, I knew you were gonna get all sensitive. This is why I don’t go on dates.”

"This isn’t a date, Bill. This is me witnessing a trainwreck.”

“Oh please,” he scoffed. “You’re lucky to even be here with me. Girls at school don’t get me. They call me ‘weird’—well guess what, I’m a genius! I know more about the Expanded Universe than most published authors. You think I have time to learn which fork is for salad?”

“That’s literally just basic manners—”

“I’d rather die than become some tuxedo-wearing poser like Zack. Frat-boy trash.”

You threw your soda in his face.

He blinked, dripping Pepsi and fury. “Are you out of your mind!?”

"You’re an unbelievable jackass!"

He grabbed a fistful of ketchup-covered fries and launched them at you. You ducked, but they splattered onto the window behind you.

"HEY!" a worker shouted. "OUT! BOTH OF YOU!"

"You ruined my night!" you screamed as Bill stormed out ahead of you.

"You ruined sci-fi," he snapped back over his shoulder. “AND YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES!”

You walked the other way. It was better to walk home alone than spend another second near Bill Dickey.

—

[cannibalismyuri]

ok this post is very real and all that but im a nerd and also very obsessed w the pepsi vs. coke marketing techniques and research studies.

from what i remember from all the books and study papers ive read abt the blind taste test, there was an advertising ploy pepsi made to show ppl that pepsi was objectively better than coke and that was the one sip blind taste test. where ppl took one sip of both drinks from identical cups blindfolded and chose one and that one almost always turned out to be pepsi. and atp coke was Bigger than pepsi as a brand but they were losing sales to pepsi and wanted to know why so they also did this. but! the point of the matter was that ppl Hated the new coke. well. most ppl. coke sales had famously declined in the 80s w new coke.

this was bc of a fundamental problem w the ad technique that pepsi used that made pepsi sales shoot up and coke lose market share. in the business of tastebud+nerve psychology there were many speculations and studies abt this amongst the ppl coke HIRED even. the trained ppl who created the formula for new coke to make it like pepsi failed to understand the fundamental problem w the one sip test. which is that when ppl buy pepsi/coke/any brown soda they DONT JUST TAKE ONE SIP. they buy a whole bottle usually. and drink that. or a Can. point being; the slightly sweeter taste of pepsi compared to the more acidic tang of coke will Always be better in one sip methods. even to ppl who are avid coke fanatics; the first sip of coke is Never pleasant and pepsi IS. the reason pepsi always 'won' was this.

the main reason that new coke failed was that the already present consumers for coke drank coke BECAUSE it wasn't like pepsi, thats true. and by making new coke more like pepsi they failed to take into account coke's already Massive market share. which they lost some of. so the moral of the story was basically that one sip taste test methods are almost Always innacurate according to professionals. and also coke maybe has some drawbacks (the not pleasant first sip and the generally more tangy acidic taste) that pepsi remedies. but ULTIMATELY! in the LONG RUN! those qualities is what gives coke that Edge. those are the reason coke had such a big consumer base. and while pepsi was sweet and good at the first sip it slowly got Annoying if u finished a can bc the repeated sweetness becomes weird.

but the excecs at coke had no faith in their product and placed so much trust in the one sip taste test method that they forgot their USP. so while this post isn't completely accurate to the actual situation. the analogy still stands! even better after this clarification imho. coke being tumblr's configuration that has drawbacks but ultimately IS THE REASON coke had a large consumer base (tumblrinas). pepsi being new algorithmic social media sites that captured attention bc they complemented the drawbacks coke had. coke changing their formula to be more like pepsi (tumblr implementing more and more algorithms) and ultimately falling into decline.

we have LIVED thru it before PEOPLE. u guys know how this ends. the analogy is actually stronger than ever w the added info. the point is; TELL COKE HOW MUCH U LIKE COKE AS IT IS. NO MATTER HOW NEW AND SHINY AND AMAZING PEPSI SEEMS. COKE IS LIKED FOR BEING COKE. NOT for succumbing to the pressure of pepsi's steady rise in popularity.

that is All thanks for coming to a business and psychology double minor nerd's TED Talk.

You know that study that found when doing a blind taste test the majority of people prefer pepsi over coca cola so coke changed their recipe to taste more like pepsi, and people actually liked the new coke a lot less because the people who were buying coke didn't want it to taste like pepsi they wanted their coke to taste like coke. That's what a lot of the new changes tumblr is working on feel like.

[extragalaxtic-cosmos]

1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 34, 35, 37, 37, 38, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, and 100

Well thank you… whoever you are, you are a menace… but thank you for letting me answer them all 😆

1. Coffee or tea? Tea. I drink both, but prefer Tea!

2. Black and white or color? Colour (correct spelling 👀😈). Black and white is nice for somethings, but I prefer colour. Fun fact I was once involved the filming of a short film that we did in black and white, which was actually incredibly fun do, although challenging with lighting. Ah sorry… these are meant to be short replies 😅😆

3. Drawings or paintings? Ooohh hmm hmm but what about drawing with paint? URGH ok hmmm drawings. Final answer. I just find them to be more cute… which I like. Oh but… urgh… no… drawings… maybe… hm…..Paintings… actually… OK I DONT KNOW!

4. Dresses or skirts? - dresses 😁 you can get very cute and pretty ones. I don’t wear them though. Just as an fyi.

5. Books or movies? Movies for me. I like books, I’m just a slow reader.

6. Pepsi or Coke? Pepsi. I seem to have gone off the flavour of coke abit. Unless it’s with JD…

7. Chinese or Italian? Takeaway right? Chinese.

8. Early bird or night owl? Early Bird, but TO early recently.

9. Chocolate or vanilla? Hm hm I am definitely a chocolate person, I must say.

10. Introvert or extrovert? Oh definitely introvert

11. Hugs or kisses? Ah.. well… hugs. I get to hold the person… I like kisses though to.

12. Hunting or fishing? - oh two things I can’t stand. Hm. I probably hate fishing less because you can put the fish back.

13. Winter or summer? I think winter. You still get lovely sunny cloud free days which are warm but also you get to be cosey. It’s a different sort of warm.

14. Spring or fall? I think spring. I like seeing stuff come alive rather than die. But… fall is very pretty to.

15. Rural or urban? Rural. I can do urban. But I need to be in or close to countryside.

16. PC or Mac? HA Hm PC.. it is better for some things. One being gaming.

17. Tan or pale? Middle? 😆 pale.

18. Cake or pie? Oh that’s IMPOSSIBLE… oh I hate you (jokes) cakes good, but I think Pie wins 😁

19. Ice cream or yogurt? I definitely eat more yogurt so probably yogurt, less cold.

20. Ketchup or mustard? Ketchup

21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? Oh no… nooo… ohh.. Ergh… whatever the person I’m with likes 👍

22. Comedy or mystery? Comedy. I like to be happy. It’s a close call between the two though.

23. Boots or sandals? Boots. I refuse to be a person wearing socks and sandals.

24. Silver or gold? heh…. Silver, I love collecting silver coins, they’re more prettier than gold coins. (Mostly) golds nice… but hmm I don’t know… I get better feelings from silver objects.

25. Pop or Rock? Pop. This might sound stupid, but it changes, often. At the moment I’m listening to more pop.

26. Dancing or singing? Definitely dancing. I can do neither.. but at least dancing isn’t painful for everyone in the room 😆

27. Checkers or chess? Chess 😁

28. Board games or video games? Hm I actually love board games.

29. Wine or beer? Ohh wine… beer no.. to gassy, ale though… yes please.

30. Freckles or dimples? I honestly don’t have a preference both are just as nice.

31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? I think bbq sauce 😅 I’ve never knowingly tried honey mustard.

32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? Body weight exercises probably 😆

33. Baseball or basketball? Baseball… I stand more chance of hitting the damn thing

34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? Sudokus… they don’t show my actual stupidity 😆😆

35. Facial hair or clean shaven? Hm well…. I like my facial hair.

36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? Cubed ice… CRUNCH

37. Skiing or snowboarding? Skiing.. I enjoyed it for the brief time I did it!

38. Smile or game face? Smile!!

39. Bracelet or necklace? Necklace I think.. it can have more meaning being closer to the heart.

40. Fruit or vegetables? Vegetables!

41. Sausage or bacon? Love a good sausage 😆😆

42. Scrambled or fried? Scrambled!

43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? Oh… hmm… dark chocolate I think. Nice white chocolate is difficult to find.

44. Tattoos or piercings? Hm. It’s close hmm you can get some very pretty looking ear piercings… ok it’s piercings!

45. Antique or brand new? Oh antique.. brand new these days is mostly just boring or cheap crap which looks antique so….

46. Dress up or dress down? I actually prefer to dress down 😅

47. Cowboys or aliens? Aliens!

48. Cats or dogs? Oh… Dogs. Love looking at cats love petting at a distance never not been clawed by one in close contact 😅

49. Pancakes or waffles? Wafflessss

50. Bond or Bourne? Bond

51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? Sci-fi Fantasy 😆😆 hmm Fantasy.

52. Numbers or letters? Letters… some a very pretty.

53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Harry Potter!

54. Fair or theme park? Probably a fair… I’m scared at theme parks 😆

55. Money or fame? Money.. I don’t like being the centre of attention.

56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? URGH dishes I think.

57. Snakes or sharks?…. Snakes at a distance.

58. Orange juice or apple juice? Orange juice

59. Sunrise or sunset? Hm sunset…

60. Slacker or over-achiever? Probably slacker 😆 I don’t want to be that clever if I’m honest…

61. Pen or pencil? Pen

62. Peanut butter or jelly? Jelly

63. Grammys or Oscars? I really don’t care 😅 Dice maiden tells me I like Grammys 😆

64. Detailed or abstract? Detailed… I can understand it more 😅😅

65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? Multiple choice. Nice and simple. Getting a theme here? I really am quite stupid.

66. Adventurous or cautious? Cautious. But adventurous with the right person and situation dependant.

67. Saver or spender? Saver. I get panicky by not having money.. I’ve come to realise.

68. Glasses or contacts? Glasses. *pulls glasses down nose*

69. Laptop or desktop? Desktop gaming 😎

70. Classic or modern? Hmm hmm in what sense? Situation really matters here.

71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? Personal Chef - Food = NOM

72. Internet or cell phone? hm? Internet?

73. Call or text? Text 😆

74. Curly hair or straight hair? Hehe actually both. Sorry.

75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? I want to shower in the morning, except for certain circumstances (ahem). Works means evening showers these days.

76. Spicy or mild? Mild.

77. Marvel or DC? Marvel.

78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? Paying a mortgage!

79. Sky dive or bungee jump? Oh god. Probably sky dive. There are at least 3 safety measures with that.

80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Oreo’s. What are chip ahoys?

81. Jello or pudding? Pudding!

82. Truth or dare? Truth 😆 unless it’s a different sort of truth or dare 👀

83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? Ferris wheel (sorry)

84. Leather or denim? Denim except for jackets. I personally like to weather leather jackets more.

85. Stripes or solids? Solids stripes make my eyes funny

86. Bagels or muffins? Muffins!

87. Whole wheat or white? Hm white I think..

88. Beads or pearls? Pearlssssss

89. Hardwood or carpet? Carpet upstairs hardwood downstairs

90. Bright colors or neutral tones? Mostly neutral tones for me personally. But I also like bright colours. I’m couldn’t for example have a bright yellow painted room.

91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? A lil younger please

92. Raisins or nuts? Raisins

93. Picnic or nice restaurant? Picnic actually 😅

94. Black leather or brown leather? Brown leather

95. Long hair or short hair? Short hair - long hair annoys me these days.. I hate it covering my ears.

96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? Ready aim fire!

97. Fiction or non-fiction? Fictionnn

98. Smoking or non-smoking? Non-smoking

99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? I try to think before I talk, I prefer that. Doesnt always work out though.

100. Asking questions or answering questions? Answering them! I think 😆😆I also like asking them though!

Thank you for asking me to answer THE ENTIRE LIST!! Whoever you are.. menace. It’s been fun though 😁😁

[anthonybialy]

Buffalo’s Frustration Levels with the Bills and Sabres

Letdowns hurt more the closer one gets.  That seems cruel because it is.  The fun part of life is presumably forthcoming.  Feeling crushed could be negated by ultimately succeeding, so forget it.  The Sabres and Bills disappoint on different levels.  Respective prototypical examples of shortcomings offer a chance to discover which version of failing spurs more torment.  Spare a thought for fans whose teams win championships, as jubilation doesn’t offer valuable life lessons.

Both teams exist to compete for championships.  Don’t laugh.  Okay: laugh a little.  It’s unfathomable to have one between the two even though they each get an annual chance.  Leagues award championships every season.  I just checked.

One is closer in the same sense Wegmans is classier than Tops.  The Bills offer a more dignified experience while the Sabres employ service desk representatives who’ll throw a bag of chips at you.  Like the difference between Cup contenders and Buffalo’s pro hockey team, it’s a gap so vast that it’s difficult to perceive from one vantage point.  The status of each might surprise Buck Rogers if he had been frozen from 2006 until now.  The Saints and Seahawks have each won one just like Vegas has at hockey.  Okay: let’s start at the beginning.

The runner-up could still drop.  Take how Dr Pepper just overtook Pepsi as America’s second-most popular sodie pop brand.  As with the unpalatable option that’s never okay, the Sabres are as arrogant as they are inept.  Asking the Bandits how to achieve must feel undignified.  It’s not to discount the successful lacrosse division.  But the two older pro teams are either holding a parade or not.  They can’t sort-of have one.

Similarly, you have a supreme banner or you don’t.  Results are binary.  The net result is that neither has done it all even if one has better betting odds to the degree they sound like mathematical errors.  One couldn’t rightfully say the Sabres are as successful as the Bills because neither has brought athletic fulfillment to fans.  The light switch is off either way.

The fact followers rely upon their teams to feel happy is sad to ponder, so we better just avoid such thoughts.  The absurdity of cheering for other to be better at moving the object makes the inability to succeed feel even more frustrating.  Trying to see that things can work out at least once just for the precedent is a sign of accepting what’s out of our control.

Following sports can make sense in a silly sense.  Liking the competitions themselves is valid in a vicarious way.  The games also seem to summarize life, which is not precisely a compliment about our stupid world.  We just want bounces our way.

The chance to engineer probabilities means results are not simply fate, which team employees hope nobody notices.  Decisions made during games and about who’s available affect what’s next.  We’re relying upon other humans to bring us athletic happiness.  If one of them is Kevyn Adams, we’re screwed.

Keep your story straight.  Announcing trophies are out for cleaning conflicts with claiming they were wiped out in the big trophy fire.  Many other clubs don’t need to fib.  The shortcomings of these two examples are throughly documented to the point we don’t need another review, which sadly reflects a semipermanently unchanging position.

Buffalo fans turn philosophical by necessity.  It’s psychologically obvious to cope by feeling we’re being taught about life’s inherent aching.  It’s not a particularly pleasant situation.  But it is useful.

People who waste their lives on different pastimes than sports bitch that chasing an object is pointless.  Of course they’re right.  But they miss the broader point that so is everything else.  Buffalo’s teams often seems to uncannily reflect how our hours here go.  The toughest time for the Bills came as the area’s two steel mills shuttered.  Now, potential gets wasted in an unnerving reflection of an area that took money from taxpayers to fund a multibillionaire’s business expenses.  It’s a real mystery why this market stays small.

The real ice and fake grass athletes share common ground.  They’re both based in or near Buffalo, have the same miserly owner, and chase titles that may as well be imaginary.  The thought that neither will ever be able to do so informs our understanding of this universe in a way philosophers dream of communicating.

It’s better to get closer aside from how thinking your dream will finally come into being is what destroys you.  The football side is more heartbreaking by being less disappointing.  Hope sustains as it crushes.  Sabres fans who’ve checked out by Thanksgiving can enjoy phone time while occasionally glancing at games.  Meanwhile, Bills fans into it past the new year only to be crushed close to Valentine’s know what love really does to those infected.

Victims of Buffalo sports find that we must be patient, and not just in the four-car Mighty Taco drive-thru sense.  The source is irrelevant whether we’re on the schedule of an omniscient power or if we inhabit a plane consisting of a random series of events that only seems designed to harm.  This world indifferently disregards human timing, which is why we’re presently not watching sports.

Letdowns are not assigned by fate.  I regret to inform people equipped with free will that we’re destined by our actions, or at least those of executives in teams to which we’re bound to follow.  The three alleged cursed baseball franchises throughout much of last century uncannily each had a combination of awful ownership and charming old-timey ballparks which hinder consistent play.  Neither the Sabres nor Bills can blame quirky playing surface angles, which means they must be inflicting semipermanent agony upon themselves.  Varying levels of downfall add variety without surprise.

[noellevanious]

woke up early. gave it a try.

Pilk Conclusion: It's just Pepsi if it looked more like a Float.

Background:

One of my favorite "treats" is going to my local Fast Food Location, and getting a Vanilla Milkshake, with some Pepsi Icee mixed in, almost like a sort of Milkshake Float hybrid. It's really fucking good.

And of course I've heard of Pilk, so I was curious how it would taste comparatively. Obviously, it's not going to taste similar to the actual Float experience - Milk is Milk flavored, not Vanilla flavored - but I also like Egg Cream (which is just milk, usually chocolate milk, with seltzer water mixed in), and I had the ingredients.

Taking Action:

If anything, it's probably an objectively better "pepsi exprience" - at the very least, it took away the almost acidic mouthfeel that you get from drinking pepsi without having had anything to eat.

The flavor profile is still Decidedly Pepsi. There's no noticeably sour or "milk"-like tinge added to the Distinct Pepsi taste. It also didn't really get any "creamier", and looking at the drink as it mixed, it's almost like the creaminess of the milk is dissolved by the pepsi.

Egg cream still does this better - the plain seltzer water helps accentuate the sourness of milk just enough to really make the drink "pop" compared to just drinking milk by itself. This is just Pepsi but you had some spare milk and didn't wanna drink it plain.

So yeah. it's just an overhyped meme thing.

Setting a reminder to try Pilk (Pepsi + Milk) tomorrow and report back with my findings

[polaris2469]

2023 Goals

So quickly, the first month of 2023 has already come and gone! The good thing is that this still leaves me with eleven months to fulfill some of the goals I have for myself this year. Although these are pretty common goals, I hope writing them here will resonate with others, and help me manifest✨ them. 

Spend Wisely: I consider myself to be a wise spender in the sense that I don’t buy outlandish things. However, it turns out buying food and “experiences” - think nightlife, restaurants, movies, vacations etc - is still very expensive. I’m going to spend less money this year by being very intentional about what I buy. I’ve heard just keeping track of your expenses can help you lower your spending, so I will try to keep my spending about $20 a day (maybe $50 on special weekends). I’ll also do more no-spend days, especially when I work from home. 

Become a Better Writer & Read More: I put these together because they go hand in hand. My job requires me to read and write all day, every day and I already feel my writing and reading comprehension getting stale after having graduated from college a few years ago. However, this month I just finished Sharp Objects, so already there are some promising wins on this front. Now to think about what my next mini blog post should be on this site…

Drink Less Sugary Drinks: Ugh I will miss you dearly Pepsi. But I already see a possible solution on the horizon. I have fallen head over heels for seltzer water, which gives me that same buzz without the excess sugar and calories. 🙂

(Finally) Learn How to Drive: This is more a necessity than a goal I personally am eager to fulfill. I am starting to sense how difficult it will be to navigate the world as an adult without any driving skills. For this, the first step is to get my drivers permit again, and for that I need to study tomorrow to take the test next week (ideally). 

These are just some of the goals I originally had in mind for 2023, but the truth is I didn’t want to overwhelm myself and end up taking an "all or" nothing" approach to these, as I typically do when i feel underwater. Instead, I will focus on these and give a progress update in April 2023. I’ll track my progress and hopefully convert some of the above into life-long habits!

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas- Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dressed to the Nines

Dad!Mob!Tom Holland x Mom!Mob!Reader Fanfic

-Pairings: mob! Tom Holland x reader

-Warnings: Language

-Words: 3.9K

Background Info- Tom Holland is boss of his mafia and Y/N Holland, his wife, is former mafia boss turned stay at home mom but still joined Tom on his business trips and meetings. They started dating at 19 and were married at the young age of 21, realizing they only needed each other. They have two kids together, both ages 16, Parker and Rosie Holland.

*Realistically to have two teenagers, Tom and Y/N are both in their mid/late thirties but they look like they are in their mid twenties/late twenties alright. What can I say, they have really good genes. I can guarantee that Tom will still definitely look as gorgeous as he does know in his 30’s.

Author note: I enjoy writing drama, so it’s hard to have constant fluff, mostly angst (I hope, at least what I consider angst). The more times where a character almost dies but doesn’t the better to me. This is my first fanfic, I wrote this story based on being married with kids because that is the part of my life I’m most looking forward to. Heads up but there is tons of dialogue, I find that the most fun to write.

Also I enjoy PDA and a personal goal of mine is to be married for 20 years and still want to jump my husband’s bones so there are a bunch of little hints like that through the fanfic. Sorry if your name is any of the characters, feel free to change them in your mind. I know it’s stupid of me to say that but whatever.

Chapter 1: Dressed to the Nines

Words: 3.9K

You and Tom were a power couple. The Hollands, the ones with the most power and the most dangerous. A king and queen to their empire. Lately you had been tackling married life together and had been raising two kids. A boy named Parker and a girl named Rosie both the same age. But nothing could prepare you for what every parent dreads, their teenage years. All the hormones, mood swings and relationship drama that comes with it.

When both the twins turned 16 it was big turning point in your family. Rights of passage as Tom would say. You and Tom threw a massive gala to celebrate their 16 years of being alive. Tom as the leader of his own mob, money was no object and you coming from the family you did and being a former mafia boss, you both had truly opulent wealth. It was the night of their kids’ sixteenth birthday and everyone was invited from family, friends, business associates and even enemies. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer they would say. Tom and tried to keep as much as possible from your kids, trying to give them a normal childhood. Failing over and over again at that. Some nights Tom would come home bloody from beating up someone who crossed him. Or there would always been strange, bulky, built men surrounding your mansion for protection. It was hard to explain everything to the kids, but it was something they just had to do for family.

The party was about to begin, 7:00 on the dot, and the house was decorated to fit a very elegant yet youthful look. Caterers dressed in white carrying bountiful trays of appetizers. Tom and you adored the luxury of their life, even though they knew if they didn’t have all the materials they did they would be even happier. Their family is what mattered most to them. You were dressed to the nines, in a lace gold gown, with sparkly stilettos on. Her Y/H/C hair gracefully laying one her back, without a strand out of the place. And her Y/E/C eyes were beaming, if looks could kill they would. Tom couldn’t help but admire you.

“You know, it’s rude to gawk,” you said and Tom chuckled.

“I’m sorry but you’re just too beautiful not to,” he responded and placing his hands on your hips.

Rolling your eyes and smirking you said “tonight’s the night.”

“I know, should we do it now?” he questioned as his half smile turned into a frown.

“No, let him have this one more night. Without any obligation,” you had been dreading this night for years.

“Alright, darling,” he said as he kissed softly, he just couldn’t contain himself he

found his other half. The person that makes him want to be a better man. His soulmate.

Like any family there are skeletons in their closets but, the Hollands were a whole another story. Tonight was the night, one they had been dreading for 16 years, to be exact. You and Tom’s son, Parker would be tasked with the most difficult decision of his life. One that will rewrite his story. Tom wishes he would just turn it down and do what he didn’t have the balls to do when he was his age.

The day Tom’s dad brought him into the office, he knew his life would never be the same. Dom, his father and former boss of the Holland empire, made it very clear that if he turned him down, he could forget about being in this family. Tom just knows he won’t give the same ultimatum. Parker being the oldest and only son of Tom and Y/N Holland is the future of their family empire. Parker was quite popular, a playboy actually and very dashing. Wearing a black suit with a black tie and a white shirt he look just like his dad with his brown hair slicked back. Being one of the guests of honor tonight he had to look the part. Slowly made his way to the bar before his mother could find him. Desperately needing some liquid courage, he quickly poured himself a shot of vodka and downed it even faster. However nothing gets past, you, Y/N Holland.

“Parker Jackson Holland!” you fumed, catching her 16 year old son drinking.

“Hey, what’s with the middle naming me, it’s my birthday,” he responded a little startled.

“You should not be drinking, ever. You got two years, mister,” you explained.

“Alright, mum,” Parker sounded annoyed.

“Where’s your sister by the way, party is supposed to start in 10 mins,” you said as she noticed all the guest starting to arrive. A line of people already waiting at the door but everyone knew the Hollands preferred people to arrive fashionably late.

“I don’t know. Having a fit probably. Last I heard was screaming coming from her closet.”

“I’ll go check on her. Your father and I need you sober later. Understood?” You exclaimed.

“Yes, mum.” Parker was a good boy on paper but, enjoyed breaking the rules.

Right as you turned away, Parker then started to pour another shot.

“Don’t even think about it,” you said still walking forward. Parker chuckled and set the shot down.

You went to go check on her daughter. You knocked on the door when she heard something shatter. Rosie may seem timid but she definitely inherited Tom’s anger issues.

“Honey? Is everything alright?” You questioned, startled by the outburst.

“Yeah, mum. I’m sorry,” Rosie muttered seeming frustrated.

“It’s ok, oh honey!” You exclaimed, noticing the tears on her daughter face

“I know, this is stupid,” Rosie whispered trying to hide her tear stained face.

“No, no it isn’t. What’s wrong?” you said, genuinely concerned for her daughter’s well-being.

“I don’t know everything, this dress, my hair, my makeup,” she exclaimed frantically.

“Baby, you look beautiful.”

“Pretty enough that someone would want to dance with me?” Rosie whispered. You were caught off guard that your daughter could ever have thoughts like that.

“Yes of course, you are always gorgeous.” You hated seeing your baby girl beat herself up based on her looks.

“Thanks mom, I have a question?” You just nodded in response.

How did you get dad to fall in love with you?” Rosie asked inquisitively.

“Um, I guess was just myself. I didn’t put on a facade and I was very honest and transparent with him,” you answered a little taken back from the question.

“You were yourself? I find that hard to believe. From stories I’ve heard you seemed to be bold, brave and beguiling” said Rosie with a hint of sarcasm.

“Am I not those things now?” You asked, cheekily.

“No you are, just in a different way.”

“Honey, whoever you are trying impress, will love for who you are, ok?” You couldn’t stand seeing her daughter like this.

“Alright. Can you help me with my makeup?” Rosie asked because her previous makeup had been ruined by her miniature breakdown

“Yes, of course.”

Back at the party Tom was making his way around saying hello to almost everyone. He desperately needed to find his son. Tom’s and Parker’s relationship was interesting to say the least. As babies and toddlers Tom was there. He loved his kids so much but as they grew older they only noticed the times he wasn’t there. Only the missed recitals and football games, never all times that had dinner as a family and he tucked them in to bed at night. Parker is closer to his mother and his twin sister. Never really having that man to man talk with his dad yet. The time when fathers stop seeing their sons as boys and look at them as men. Tom approached Parker sitting there with his a drink in his hand, he hoped was a watered down Pepsi.

“Hey Parker, did your mom talk to you already?” Tom asked, not trying to raise too many questions.

“No, she might have mentioned something,” Parker responded.

“Ok, well after cake meet me in my office.” Parker nodded in response and noticed how he tensed a little at the conversation.

Their chat quickly ended when Harrison and his 16 year old son Henry came to wish happy birthday. Harrison is Tom’s right hand man, his consigliere and his best friend. He was more than that, Harrison was family. Harrison’s son, Henry was best friends with Parker and Rosie, ever since birth.

“Hey mate,” Tom said to his best friend Harrison.

“Hey, just came to wish this guy “happy birthday”” he said patting Parker’s shoulder.

“Happy birthday, dude” Henry said to Parker and he returned with subtle “thank you’s.” Parker slightly nodded to his dad to see if he could leave the conversation and Tom let him know it was ok.

“Come on, let’s go,” Parker exclaimed making his way to den where his other friends were.

Harrison was the first to speak up, “Have you told him yet?”

“No, Y/N and I are going to do it tonight” Tom uttered with a low toned voice.

“Geez, do you need me there?” Harrison asked, afraid Tom might say yes. Harrison was there when Tom went through the same process with his dad. Tom’s anger issues didn’t help the outcome.

“I think I’m alright, just family. Not that I don’t consider you family but I don’t even know if Rosie should be there.” Tom justified.

“It’s alright mate, I get it.”

They were both enjoying their night, making their rounds, Tom and Harrison went to get drinks, not beer this time but a scotch on the rocks as this was a classy night. Everything was dandy up until one of Tom’s men, William, came up to him informing Tom of a problem.

“Sir we have a problem,” William whispered to Tom, Tom nodded for them to follow them to his office.

“William, what now? Can’t you see I’m enjoying the party?” Tom exclaimed, closing the doors to his office.

“Sir, Daniel, was found dead at his post outside, shot by a tranquilizer gun, with a note taped to his chest, it’s for you.” William announced and handed the paper to the most important and dangerous man of the mob, his boss.

“What the fuck?” A long silence stayed in the air while Tom processed the news. Awkwardness had filled the entire room as they all awaited Tom’s response.

“For fucks sake, you need at least 3 guards posted outside. NOW!” He screamed as his anger continued to rise as read the note.

“Yes, Sir.” William said promptly.

“God forbid anything else happen tonight, but my wife and kids are the first ones to be escorted to safe house. Understood?” Tom explained as he only was only thinking about his family in that moment.

“Yes, Sir.” William said and quickly ran out before he could get the brunt of Tom’s upcoming outburst. Right on cue, Tom threw a glass ashtray at the wall, it shattering into shards.

“Calm down mate, what did the note even say.” Harrison asked with a worrisome look on his face. Tom showed Harrison the joy and his smile faded immediately. Tom for the first time, in a while, felt fear because he knew he had everything to lose.

Not wanting to deal with the life long headache that is his life. He looked for solace in, you, his wife as he spotted her over by the fireplace and made his way over to you.

“Have told you look stunning tonight?” He said instantly falling in love with you over again.

“Several times actually,” you said.

“Well I can’t help what you do to me, gorgeous.” He said placing a kiss to your temple.

“Hey, have you had the talk with him yet?” You said pointing a finger at your son getting very intimate with some girl.

The girl was Charlotte Owens. Parker and her had been together for almost a year, but you and Tom hadn’t met her formally yet. Your son was very tight-lipped the it came to his private life. She was tall, fair and had platinum blonde hair along with piercing blue eyes. Rosie didn’t seem to like her very much, constantly annoyed by her popularity status and reputation, used to be known for being with a new guy every couple weeks and don’t put it past Rosie to not give her the benefit of the doubt.

“No, remember we’re going to do it tonight. Is something wrong?” He said with concern, worried why you would forget something so important.

“No, not that talk, silly, “The talk”,” you responded. His lips formed an “o” shaped as he realized he would have to teach his son about how to be safe during sex.

“Oh, no. I’ve been avoiding it for as long as possible.”

“Why baby, you’re so good at it. You could give him a few a pointers.” You said, winking at him.

“Wow, love, you surprise me everyday. Speaking of beautiful girls, where’s Rosie. I’ve haven’t seen her all night,” Tom quickly trying to change the subject as they were at a party.

“I saw her a few minutes ago,” you said as a puzzled look grew on her face.

“Come on, let’s go find her and maybe you and I can sneak off for awhile.” He said cheekily.

“Tommy,” you whispered but eventually agreed. Slowly making your way out of the main ballroom to the secret garden next to his office.

Walking very slyly, you both made your way to secret spot near Tom’s office. Where ivy had grown throughout the brick and purple and yellow tulips lined the fence along with giant trees. There was a little wishing fountain that Tom had installed when you moved in, this was their secret spot. One where they could forget about all the violence and responsibility that tainted their lives.

Their intimate moment was ruined when Rosie walked by with some random guy named Connor, not the person she’d hope to bring there. All throughout the night Rosie seemed to be jealous of the attention her crush was getting at the party as he didn’t pay attention to her. Thus, she went find a distraction of her own.

“Oh hey, shh, look two people getting it on over there,” he whispered to her as she dragged him outside.

“Please don’t be my brother.” She murmured but felt like she wanted to throw up when she saw who it was.

“Mom, dad?” Rosie screamed.

“Oh shit, we’ve been busted,” Tom muttered against your neck.

“Hey honey,” You said while Rosie was completely mortified. Rosie’s potential hookup stood there mouth wide open.

“That’s your mum, god, she’s a babe.” Connor said.

“Connor, not helping.” Rosie exclaimed sternly as she pinched his side.

Tom spoke up, “Why don’t you guys go back and enjoy the rest of the party.”

Rosie just nodded and left as fast as humanly possible. She never wants to be that embarrassed again.

“Oh my god, we were gonna get it later.” You said.

“I know, we really screwed up this time. But have you had “the talk” with her yet,” Tom asked.

“Nope, we should both really get on that. What would I’ve happened if they hadn’t caught us?” You asked jokingly.

“I don’t want to think about that Y/N! She’s our daughter.” Tom exclaimed.

“Neither do I.”

“Enough of this, where were we?” Tom interjected immediately changing the subject.

“Well you lips were on my neck and you hand was on my waist, but I think the moment has passed and we should get back to the party,” you said rather seductively.

“Fine, I know you’re right. But fuck, I just want to make out with my wife,” Tom muttered frustratingly.

“Well you can later... in bed.” Winking as you chuckled.

“Man, that kid was right, you are a babe.”he said as he slapped your ass as you walked in front of him chuckling.

“Is it time for cake?” Harrison asks as he came up to Tom and you.

“I think it is.” Tom said and you nodded. Walking towards Rosie, who was desperately trying to erase her self from existence because of the embarrassment she’d experienced a minute ago.

“Hi, honey. Can you please go find your brother? We are going to cut the cake.” You said trying not to accidentally bring up the elephant in the room.

“Alright, fine,” Rosie muttered still a little peeved finding you and Tom like that. Rosie searched high and low for Parker.

Needing some assistance she asked Henry. “Hey, have you seen my brother?”

“Last I saw he was taking Charlotte to the green house” Henry responded.

“Alright, come on, let’s go find them” Rosie said rolling her eyes. Her hand slipped into Henry’s as she led the way. Making their way through the vast yet gorgeous yard. Rosie and Henry found Parker and Charlottes lips entangled together and bodies in a compromising position in the green house

“For fucks sake, how many people am I going to find sucking face at this party.” Rosie yelled, startling Charlotte and Parker.

“What the fuck do you want, Rosie? Can’t you see I’m busy.” Parker quipped annoyingly.

“Mom and dad want to cut the cake” Rosie responded.

“Ugh fine. Give us 10 mins” knowing he will be finished in that time.

“No, you can fuck your bimbo of a girlfriend later.” Rosie said, receiving a grimace from Charlotte.

“Don’t you fucking talk about her like that! Fuck off!” Parker yelled as Henry and Rosie left. Both of the kids had inherited Tom’s angry side.

“Well, you can explain to mom and dad you were late because you were balls deep in in your whore,” Rosie said walking away.

The moments leading up to the end of Parker’s innocence were fleeting. In more ways than one. He wasn’t a virgin even before that evening but, Parker could imagine the task he was supposed to accomplish. The 3 tier chocolate raspberry ganache cake had been cut and distributed to the guests. Happy birthday had been sung to Rosie and Parker. Parker tried to go off with Charlotte again, but Harrison stopped him and brought him to the Tom’s office.

“They’re in there,” Harrison whispered.

“Who?” Parker asked Harrison who was like his uncle.

“Just go,” Parker opened the door to see his mother and his dad sat behind the desk. The door shut behind him.

“Mom? Dad? What’s going on here?” Parker hesitated.

“Son, sit down,” Tom said, knowing this wasn’t going to be easy.

“We have to talk to you.” You interjected.

“Parker, as part of this family, there are certain responsibilities you have to take. It is a tradition in our family that at the age of 16, the sons are brought to light about the dealings of our family and what is expected of you,” Tom said as Parker grew wary. Not really understanding what his parents were trying to convey.

Throughout his entire life, he had his suspicions about his family. Wondering why men followed them everywhere, even on trips to the store for eggs. Why his parents went to work but have never seen their office, only heard it referred to as “the warehouse.” Why everything was always so damm secretive. Scared if he accidentally let some enormous family secret slip with his big mouth there would be repercussions. Never not scared of the harm that could come to his family.

“Your father, is the leader of a very powerful mob. I am part of it too, not just as wife but as his partner. There will be day when he will longer be in position of boss and you will take over,” you asserted playing off of Tom’s words.

“Our family is not only the owners of one of the world’s richest exporting company, we also do business with casinos and own multiple hotel chains. Sometimes our work brings us above the law, but the connections we have are what keep us alive.” Tom explained trying to preserve his son’s innocence.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Parker stuttered.

“Because it is time. Time for you to step up and take your place in this family. You’ve had 16 years of juvenile fun and now this is what has to be done.” Tom concluded.

“What if I don’t want this life. You don’t think I don’t know what happens behind closed doors here. All the times dad has come home with a black eye or blood on his knuckles. Why fuck isn’t Rosie here? She is the same age as me, WE ARE TWINS! Why am I the only one who has to do this. I don’t want to kill for sport like you and mom!” Parker screamed. He couldn’t handle this anymore. There was too much information he had to process.

“Do not raise your voice at your mother! Tom screamed.

“Dad, I had dreams and hopes. I wanted to go to college and travel. Find a nice girl and marry her. Experience the kind of love you and mom have. What you are asking me to do, flushes all that away. You are asking me to give up on my life.

So that’s it, I don’t have a choice,” Parker begged.

“Baby, you have a choice. Nothing is set in stone,” you said rubbing his arm.

“Y/N, you damm well know what will happen if he turns this down,” Tom yelled.

“Maybe this life works for you two, but I don’t want this kind of life. My answer is no. Find someone else.”

“Parker, you know I can’t do that. Take a couple days and think about it” Tom answered trying to stay calm.

“NO DAD! My answer is final, I’m not going to be your apprentice to carry on this heinous family legacy!” Parker exploded. It was too much.

“If you aren’t willing to do what is asked of you, then you can forget about being in this family!” Tom screamed. He did exactly what he said he wouldn’t, he gave his son an ultimatum. Parker couldn’t handle it anymore and left. Needing to forget about the fact he no longer had a say. He was stuck.

It was just Tom and you sitting in the study. They couldn’t understand where the conversation had gone. All their hopes for tonight went out the window along with potted plant Tom threw when Parker stormed out.

“Tom, you can’t force him. You can’t do what your father did to you to him.” You tried to say in a loving tone but it came out as stern.

“IM NOT, Y/N!!!” Tom screamed. He had fucked up. The words spoken tonight have rewritten his relationship with his son.

“Alright.” You whispered trying to calm your fuming husband down.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice, baby.” Tom’s tone immediately changed once he heard the softness of your voice. You just nodded in response

“Tommy?” You asked hoping Tom was now ok.

“Yes, love” Tom said.

“He’ll come around. I can promise you that.”

“I know, darling. That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what?” a look of confusion grew on your face.

He handed you a paper, the same one that was found on Daniel’s body, saying “Eclipsing of the Hollands. Let the show begin. Better watch your back.”

It was threat. A play to eventually be made on his life or the life of his family and you all had no idea who was behind it.

Guns, Glamour, and Goodfellas Series Masterlist

[lostwithart]

Reflection

Bugto, Gianne Karlo Red

Spoliarium

When we say “arts” I’m sure that the first thing that’ll come to your mind is “color”, only because it has something or it leads to “painting” and “drawing”. Based on my experience and observation, if someone said that he/she loves art, the other person will automatically say “ow so you’re good at drawing?”, “How about painting?”.

That’s where most people don’t understand that, arts don’t revolve around painting and drawing things. The arts, also called fine arts, are modes of expression that use skill or imagination in the creation of aesthetic objects, environments, or experiences that can be shared with others. There are different kinds of arts; literature (including poetry, drama, story, and so on), the visual arts (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.), the graphic arts (painting, drawing, design, and other forms expressed on flat surfaces), the plastic arts (sculpture, modeling), the decorative arts (enamelwork, furniture design, mosaic, etc.), the performing arts (theatre, dance, music), music (as composition), and architecture (often including interior design).

Our country has great artists, including painters and musicians. Filipinos are known all over the world as talented people of the Philippines, and they represented their talents with all their bests. Paintings are such beautiful creations, must say that I find peace and amazement when I looked at paintings, whether from the internet or museum’s. If we’re going to talk about painting, the only one that pops out to my head is the “Spoliaruim”, not the song of the band Eraserheads, but the artwork of the famous painter Juan Luna. Although it inspired the title of rock band Eraserheads’ 1997 hit song “Spoliarium,” which has been connected by many to the Pepsi Paloma rape controversy. The National Museum’s 360-virtual tour, which includes the “Spoliarium,” was launched in October and is still ongoing. —Arianne Suarez, Inquirer Research.

Luna was born in the town of Badoc, Ilocos Norte in the northern Philippines, Luna was the third among the seven children of Joaquín Luna de San Pedro y Posadas and Laureana Novicio y Ancheta. In 1861, the Luna family moved to Manila and he went to Ateneo Municipal de Manila where he obtained his Bachelor of Arts degree. He excelled in painting and drawing and was influenced by his brother, Manuel N. Luna, who, according to Filipino patriot José Rizal, was a better painter than Juan himself.

The Spoliarium (often misspelled Spolarium) is a painted by Juan Luna. Luna, working on canvas, spent eight months completing the painting. The painting was submitted by Luna to the Exposición Nacional de Bellas Artes in 1884 in Madrid, where it garnered the first gold medal (out of three). The reason why I adored Juan Luna’s “Spoliarium” is because it brought historical triumph not just to Luna but also to the Philippines.

“Spoliarium” was the name given to the Roman Colosseum basement where fallen gladiators were thrown in after combat, which is depicted in the life-sized piece. It is currently on display in the National Museum of Fine Arts, the 4.22 x 7.675-meter oil on canvas is considered the largest painting in the country. In addition, it illustrates two dead gladiators being dragged by Romans at the center. On the left, scavengers eye the dead men’s possessions while a Roman beside them raises a fist in protest. A woman mourns a loved one on the right side while an old man searches for a body amid the smoky haze. The depiction of Roman cruelty in the painting has been interpreted as an allegory for the state of the Philippines under Spanish rule.

Just like the paintings, I always fell in love with music. I’m just amazed at how it works, tThe sounds that are so good to hear with the help of musical instruments are very pleasing. With the numerous kinds of music, I love to say that I appreciate it all honestly. I strongly believe that all of us people can’t live the way we are right now without hearing and feeling the sensation and comfort of the art of music. For example, when we are sad and alone, listening to some of our favorite songs makes us feel better. Even if we’re happy and loud, adding some flavor of music can make the situation be the best it can be. There are many definitions of music, 1 : an arrangement of sounds having melody, rhythm, and usually harmony classical music. 2 : the art of producing pleasing or expressive combinations of tones especially with melody, rhythm, and usually harmony I want to study music in college. 3 : a musical composition set down on paper Bring your music.

A song is a form of music. Furthermore, songs are performed by living voices. There are a few techniques that make a song. A few instruments, devices and voices join together to form a song. It includes composition, lyrics, direction and amplification. I have my favorite song, and in addition, I love a song when the lyrics are just so meaningful and relate to me. Related to paintings we Filipinos made a name by being one of the best song performers in the world. From composing and singing we are relentless.

In our country we have our Original Pilipino Music (OPM), it refers to any musical composition with or without lyrics, originally created by a, Filipino, whether the lyrics be in Pilipino, English or other foreign languages, or any other Philippine dialect. This is where I reveal my idol, the maestro Ryan Cayabyab.

Raymundo Cipriano Pujante Cayabyab, known professionally as Ryan Cayabyab, is a Filipino musician, composer and conductor. He was the Executive and Artistic Director for several years for “The defunct San Miguel Foundation for the Performing Arts” and won a lot of awards on his career. He was born on May 4, 1954 at Sta. Cruz Manila, Philippines.

What I truly admire and has been the song that keeps on playing especially on Christmas Eve even though It is old and outdated was “kumukutikutitap”. This song doesn’t just add a playful skip to our walk, it makes us meander and enter the magical and most wonderful time of the year – Christmas time! The lyrics of the song are almost like yummy and delightful tongue twisters, matched with a bouncy and animated melody.

The song ‘Kumukutikutitap’ was originally for choir, so since the song wasn’t used, I gave it to the Singers’ Foundation to learn for their Christmas caroling fund-raising activity. The Singers’ Foundation choir included it in their repertoire starting Christmas of 1984.” Members of that group included many big-name OPM singers during that time – Celeste Legaspi, Basil Valdez, Leah Navarro, The Apo Hiking Society, Rico Puno, Marco Sison, Nonoy Zuniga, Eugene Villaluz, Louie Reyes, Pat Castillo, Jacqui Magno, Tillie Moreno. Even the duo of Subas Herrero and Noel Trinidad joined the group, plus the backup singers Babsie Molina and most of her colleagues, and these people are great singers and has been my idol when it comes to OPM. After “Kumukutikutitap” was performed, all the other choirs who heard the song asked for a copy of the choral score. As the years passed, the song became a staple of choirs every Yuletide season.

This song, made me feel that life isn’t that hard, although we are suffering individually for the problems that always been there. I want the people to go back, take a look or should I say listen to our music as Filipinos, appreciate and thank our artists not just on music, but all the artist in our country. Because what we have and what they did is a masterpiece that needs to remembered always.

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | myoxisbroken

Happy hump day, peeps!  This week’s spotlight is the queen of a historical fic, AU or canon.  The maven of food porn in a fic. And the reigning champ of teasing me with smut @myoxisbroken​ !  Let’s dive in!!

The Basics

MASTERLIST HERE

Any other names you want people to call you?

Miss Ox, myox, whatever you feel like!

How long have you been writing fic?

2 years.

What fandoms and/ships do you write?

MCU (Loki, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes), other Tom Hiddleston characters (Pine, Conrad, Sharpe, Buxton, Nicholls, Plumptre, and ever-growing), and just branching out into Pedro Pascal with The Mandalorian; I also have a few Doctor Who fics in my Masterlist (Ten/Donna Noble)

How did you get started writing fic?

I was reading a ton of Doctor Who fic and enjoying the Doctor/River Song stories. Then I rewatched DW season 4 and was so depressed about Donna's ending that I immediately watched the David Tennant/Catherine Tate version of Much Ado About Nothing. And then I started to ship the Tenth Doctor and Donna.

So I read a bunch of their fic and thought, "You know what would be awesome? If someone wrote a WW2 AU where Donna's a single mother and the Doctor is an injured fighter pilot that she takes in as a boarder." And then I started to get snippets of dialogue in my head, and ideas for scenes, and I wondered if I might be able to write a story myself. I hadn't written anything in years, but I decided to give it a try. And a few months later, I had my first story completed, a 14-chapter Doctor Who AU.

 After that, I had the writing bug and I haven't been able to stop coming up with ideas and working to put them into words!

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

It is honestly so hard to choose. I'm only going to choose completed works, because I always love the WIPs I'm working on. So, let's see: You Bring Me Home is one of them, because it was so fun to just jump into a sexy vacation romp with some playful kink exploration for James Conrad (Kong: Skull Island). With Brooding Wings was my first attempt at a vampire story using multiple Tom Hiddleston characters, and I really enjoyed playing with the dynamics of different personalities and settings in that world. 

 In A Restless World Like This Is is another, because I had such a great time writing a fluffy love story for Steve Rogers and an older OFC. It started as a spite project because of someone's objections to older characters and turned into such a lovely experience. It was one of the easiest I've ever written in terms of how quickly it flowed from my brain through my fingers. I'd loved writing for Loki (An Excellent Suggestion was my first Loki story, and my first time writing smut) and for Bucky (We Are All Victims of Physics Sometimes was my first dip into capturing Bucky's quiet reserve and depth of emotion).

I honestly could go on and on about stories but would only sound more conceited.

Which story are you most proud of?

I think A Pursuit of the Heart. It was my first time writing in the Regency/Georgian era, and I did a TON of research for it. It was also my first novel-length story, and I didn't even know if I could take on something that big or write a historical romance convincingly, in a way that felt era-appropriate and true. I was so proud of the finished product.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

Let Your Heart Be Light, a Bucky/OFC story with a Christmas theme - its companion piece, Kissing The New Year In, also didn't get much traction. But I loved writing them!

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first?

It depends on what actors and characters they like, really, as well as if they like smut or fluff or both. For a smutty one-shot, I'd recommend An Excellent Suggestion (which has a one-shot sequel). For a swoonier longer fic with smut, I'd recommend either You Bring Me Home or my fake relationship Steve Rogers fic The One Thing You Can't See. 

For fluff, An Unforeseen Outcome is a Loki one-shot with both fluff and a little emotional hurt/comfort. Interestingly, I've written more not-smut fluff for Loki than for any other character. I think I just want him to find connection and love and acceptance so much. 

And if you are a fan of historical romance, I'd recommend either my Thomas Sharpe AU A Compromising Situation, or if you like your fics with a healthy dose of angst, Beside Us When Beauty Brightens, my William Buxton (Return to Cranford) story about what happens after he loses Peggy.

Which Story did you do the most research for?

A Pursuit of the Heart, since it was my first one set in the Georgian era and I had a lot of catching up to do! I research for most of my stories, and definitely for my multi-chapter stories. Even if they're contemporary, I still look up resorts, locations, restaurants and local foods, things to do, etc. I can't help it. It's like I'm addicted to research.

Which Story was the easiest to write?

For a multi-chapter fic, In A Restless World Like This Is. For a one-shot, probably my Loki Christmas fluff All I Want For Christmas Is You.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

When a scene I've had in my head just flies out of my fingers and onto the page, and I can read it back and think, "YES! That's just how I wanted it!"

What is your least favorite part?

When my brain is too scattered and unfocused to actually allow me to do any writing.

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Well-researched stories that use the information to make you feel like you're there and that incorporate sweetness into even the smuttiest scenario. Also, food porn, and porn porn.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

For published novels, Mary Balogh and Sabrina Jeffries are two of my favorite historical romance writers, and I think that reading them has helped to make my writing better. In terms of fic authors (some of whom are also published), @nildespirandum​ and @caffiend-queen were two of the first I read in the Tom/Loki fandom and their excellent quality and intriguing plots are an inspiration, even if I will never be able to write plots as twisty as theirs. Also, reading @yespolkadotkitty​'s stories helped me push myself to get better at setting scenes and at incorporating the various senses into stories, because she is so good at both of those things and so much else.

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

I use Google Docs. I have also been dancing around buying Scrivener for an original novel I plan to write and shop around, so I'll be doing that soon.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Plotter, for sure. My brain would implode if I tried to pants my stories.

Do you write RPF or not?

I have a few chapters of a Tom Hiddleston RPF in draft form but haven't proceeded with it. I'd kind of like to write a Pedro Pascal RPF one-shot. I love reading RPF but feel odd about writing it for some reason.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Again with the tough questions! It might be Loki, because he is such a chameleon and there are so many hidden depths to him. I really want to write some multi-chapter Loki stories, because so far I have done one-shots and one 3-chapter short fic. I'd like to explore a longer character arc for him.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

Authenticity because of my research, realistically depicting emotions, and writing in a style that feels genuine to the setting and era.

What do you struggle with?

PLOT. I do think that there is plenty of room for all kinds of stories, and I like to tell stories about relationships. But I would like to get better at adding outside conflict and other types of plot to my stories.

Favorite Trope?

It's so hard to choose between There Was Only One Bed and Fake Relationship. I think those are my top two.

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

Write something. Anything. Even if you think it's crap, get your first draft done, because you can always go back and rewrite something that's bad and make it better. Also, if you're stuck on your WIP, write something else - a piece of another story or one-shot, a description of something you saw, a character profile, a bit of personal journaling. Keep writing and don't let a temporary roadblock turn into a long-term one.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

It's hard when something you wrote doesn't get a lot of attention, especially when you love it. We share stories in the hopes that other people will discover and enjoy them, but you have to at least partly do it for your own satisfaction, or it will get pretty discouraging if the likes/kudos, comments, and reblogs just don't happen.

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

Ladies' drawers (underwear) were not commonly worn until the mid-1800s. They were thought to be gentlemen's garments and it was thus vulgar for a lady to wear them. Yes, ladies of the Georgian (incl. Regency) era were generally commando beneath their skirts, petticoats, and shifts. But that was still a lot of layers.

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

My goal is to write an original novel (series) set during the Napoleonic Wars. My hope is to get it researched, written, and put in final draft form so that I can send query letters out before the end of 2021.

This or That

Fluff or Angst

Fluff AND Smut

Reader Insert or  OC

Canon Divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke (Neither: Cherry Coke Zero)

Coffee or Tea (Neither: Cocoa)

Sweet AND Savory

And that is it, until next week, remember to check out the masterlist here.  And your new fav fic is just around the corner!  Until next time, toodles!

[ladyeliot]

The headache

Based on  “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong” [80s]

Pairing: Teen!Tony Stark x Teen!Reader [Murph Lindon] / Teen!Natasha Romanoff x Teen!Reader

Summary: Alternative Universe. Who hasn't had a little note conversation with a friend during the most boring lesson? And how many times have you been caught?

Warnings: Sexual innuendos. Enemies to lovers.

Word count: 1438

A/N: I Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

Thursday mornings were Mr. Hoover's Geography class, one of the most boring classes the seniors had to endure during the week. The only thing that could ease Murph's suffering was that he shared it with his friends, but that wasn't enough to keep him from wanting to jump out the window and fall two stories down. The faces of each of his companions evidenced the same thoughts, but Natasha seemed to have found entertainment because of the smile on her face. Murph stared at her friend, who sat two rows ahead, diagonal to her, and it was at that very moment that her friend turned and threw with great aim a small circular piece of paper, which landed on her desk. That meant that the conversation through notes between Natasha and Murph was beginning.

"I'm still thinking about what you told me last night. I can't believe you're going to do it on Saturday morning ;)"

Her handwriting was tiny, she had a great ability to make it so that if someone picked up the note they could barely read what she had written. Murph frowned and denied to herself, crossed out Nat's words, so that if anyone picked up the paper they wouldn't know what the conversation was about, and wrote below.

"What are you talking about, who said 'it' was going to happen on Saturday?"

Murph's aim was not quite as accurate, but the note fell right at Nat's feet, who picked up the paper as Mr. Hoover turned away. Murph fiddled with the pen between her fingers as she waited for her friend to return the paper.

"Open your eyes, H. didn't invite you to his house to study, but to 'study'."

Again Murph denied to herself, though a goofy grin was professed on her face as she answered that note.

"Justin's not like that."

The moment he handed the note back to Natasha he realised that he had broken one of the main rules of inter-note conversations, writing a full name. Luckily Natasha got hold of the paper before anyone else did. It took Natasha only a few seconds to read the note and return it to Murph, but unfortunately she was not so good at throwing it that time, and it landed right at the feet of Murph's sidekick, Tony.

Tony had been keeping a close eye on their conversation, for as mentioned earlier, this was the most boring class of the week. Thus, he only had to extend his left foot a few centimetres to draw the note towards him. A heat flooded Murph's body, and he threw a kick in his direction, trying to hit his shin, but his partner on the right deftly dodged it, catching the note between his toes.

"Don't even think about reading it Stark, you read it and you're a dead man." He whispered through his teeth, noting the wide grin of arrogance on Tony's face.

"Why not?" he asked quietly with the paper in his hands. "What is it that's so interesting that keeps you two so entertained?"

Slowly and without wiping off that lopsided smile, he unfolded the little note. Murph found himself tense, under the watchful eye of Natasha, who had realised what the situation was. Mr. Hoover's voice had become background noise, he barely remembered his presence. She gripped the table tightly, having faith that Tony wouldn't do it, but he did, Tony's fingers increased their speed as he opened the paper and turned his gaze to those letters.

She couldn't help it, finally leaping up at Tony, trying to knock the paper out of his hands, starting a fight in the middle of Geography class. The scuffle brought noises with it, catching the attention of their classmates and also Mr. Hoover, who stopped writing on the blackboard and looked at the two of them.

"What the hell is going on!" he exclaimed, dropping the chalk on his desk. "Miss Lindon! Take your seat immediately."

Though her fight was austere, Murph was finally able to get the note completely out of her hands, for which she was proud of herself. Mr. Hoover directed her steps towards them, prostrating himself between the two tables and holding out his palm.

"Give me right now what you just took from Mr. Stark," he said sternly.

It took him a couple of seconds to consider what other alternatives he had, it even crossed his mind to eat the damn paper, but it would probably make it worse.

"Mr. Hoover I-" Natasha started to say, but the professor's stern look silenced her.

"Miss Lindon..." he asked again, holding out his palm to her.

She finally gave in and placed the note in the palm of her teacher's hand, who was quick to put it back together and read it carefully. Murph stared straight ahead, avoiding making eye contact with any of his classmates, while biting his tongue to vent his inner anger.

"Miss Lindon, I'm glad you're meeting Mr. Hammer to study on Saturday, but I'd like you to attend to my lectures during my class time.

As Murph listened to those words his face grew pinker, in the background he could hear how most of his classmates seemed to be amused by the situation.

"Since you have been entertaining me during my two hours of class, I hope you will inform me that you will not be able to keep your appointment with Mr. Hammer on Saturday morning,'' he said, ''I want you in the detention room first thing in the morning.

Those words brought a smile to Tony's face, who was one of many who seemed to be amused by the situation.

"And you don't smile so much Mr. Stark, because you're going with her."

"Excuse me Professor, but I-" suddenly the expression on his face changed.

"Any objections?" asked Mr. Hoover, looking at him intently, to which Tony chose to bite his tongue and deny with his face, giving him a broad, false smile. "Great."

The only person who didn't seem to grasp what was happening 100% was Steve, who watched the situation from the outside with a frown on his face, while Natasha, who was standing next to him, tried to explain to him what had happened. The class continued and Murph's anger at Tony's stupidity returned.

When the two and a half hours were up Murph gathered his things, getting up from his seat and slapping the back of Tony's head with his book before heading for the exit door of the classroom.

"Hey!" exclaimed Tony.

"Idiot," Natasha retorted before walking out of the classroom.

"You better not talk," her friend reproached. "I could have ratted you out."

Murph made it to the lockers and a second later Nat landed beside him.

"How can you hate a person so much?" he asked rhetorically. "It's unbearable, it's the sight of him and I get a headache, like a pain that comes and goes you know?"

Natasha looked at her guiltily, listening to her friend's rant as she helped her put her books away.

"Murph, I'm so sorry about what happened..."

"No! It's not your fault, it's that idiot Stark!" she slammed her locker shut. "I swear, if I could, I'd make him disappear from the universe right now."

After those words she let out all the air in her lungs, trying to relax. They both headed towards the cafeteria, where Steve was already holding his seat.

"Can someone explain to me what was in that note?" asked Steve in annoyance.

"You know you're the only one who attends class?" said Natasha looking at him.

"Hey, I thought today's class was interesting," he defended himself, but returned to the initial topic. "Hey, what was on that note?"

Murph shook his hand in denial, downplaying the fact that it had happened, he needed to change the subject otherwise he knew his bad mood was going to be there all day.

"You'd better not push it, Murph has headaches that come and go," Nat commented with a smile.

At that moment Tony made his stellar entrance into the cafeteria with a broad smile, greeting a few students at various tables and giving a kiss on the cheek to one of the cheerleaders.

"Look, here comes the headache again." Nat smiled opening his can of Pepsi watching as Tony approached from the distance.

You can follow the story at  “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

[zet-sway]

3, 6, and 12 for the fic writer asks?

!!! Thank you for the ask :D

3. Because i know we’re all egocentric, have you ever made yourself laugh out loud or cry with a fic you wrote?

I can't stop thinking about this WIP I'm working on where Shepard says "God fucking damn it you insubordinate reptile, you know what I want." Because Thane's been teasing her for just a bit longer than she has patience for (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

6. What is your favourite sense to incorporate in your writing and why?

Tough question actually. The cop-out answer is touch, because hahaha I'm a smut writer first and foremost. But I think it's worth considering that I don't give enough attention to other senses, like taste and sound and scent. I personally don't have a very strong sense of taste or smell - I can't honestly tell the difference between coke and pepsi, for example - so it's kind of hard for me. What the fuck do space lovers smell like? My favorite description is in this fic by orchidcactus: "he smells like leather and spent heat sinks." How could I hope to write something better than that? Omg

Still, I should make more of an effort to include other senses to round out my writing.

12. what headcanon will you keep implementing in your fics, even if canon ends up contradicting it?

Ok before I begin, I'd like to say that these are just my headcanons. I don't have any kind of vendetta against writers whose headcanons conflict with mine. I love reading different takes on this stuff and sometimes, those other ideas are very inspiring!

Mature themes inbound. 18+ headcanons.

Headcanon: Drell women without boobs. I know some people don't agree with this - my intention isn't to fight with them. This is my headcanon and what I choose to represent in my writing.

Headcanon: Thane's dick is purple 💜 because I like it. Actually this is inspired heavily by the afamed masskink anon (*ahem* "florid magenta spike" yes please - link is extremely smutty) and that mshrios artist who drew sheploo going down on Thane. I used to have their work on my blog but then Tumblr went all prude so... :( But drell are so colorful, why not have colorful genitals too? Also, bonus headcanon for the ole' genital sheath. I also fully embrace pretty much all headcanons about hemipenes because I'm a fucking savage, but I don't write about them for a few reasons. For one, I'm lazy and it's enough work keeping track of one dick. Another reason: I (usually) keep descriptions of Thane's 'nads vague so the reader can proceed with their own headcanon.

Headcanon: "drell venom" is present in bodily fluids and transmitted most easily through mucous membranes. Basically: Shep could be getting high by kissing Thane, getting head, or uh, swallowing or otherwise "taking a load" lol. I know Mordin says "oral contact" but I dunno it's just more fun to think of Shepard tripping balls because Thane didn't pull out. Ok I've said too much lmao (• ▽ •;)

Headcanon: Thane enjoys killing. Before anyone freaks out, I don't mean he's like, a serial killer or gets off on it or whatever. But I think he finds a certain kind of comfort in knowing what he's good at. I don't agree with his statement that "a weapon doesn't choose to kill." He's a man with a conscience, he knows what he's doing. And he can probably justify it fairly well as long as his targets are objectively evil people. But otherwise, I think he makes excuses for himself because he struggles to come to terms with his disturbing level of comfort in taking out targets. If you take him to Tuchanka he makes a comment about how the krogan have almost childlike innocence and are "at peace with the urge to kill." I think it's kind of unfair he was trained at such a young age to kill, and I think that affects a lot of how he sees his job. I also think people are right to be critical of the Hanar. At least he's trying to do good deeds by the time you meet him? I dunno but he needs to figure his shit out.

Headcanon: there's a black market on Rakhana for drell lungs. However, that's all I'm gonna say. More on that as I continue my Thane survives AU.

Dang that was a lot ok. Thank you for the ask! I had fun with this :D

[bird-in-a-cage]

Hey, guess what, its a sequel that absolutely no one asked for but I’m forcing upon you anyway because I got really into this idea and one google search led to another and I needed to get this out of my brain!

Part one is here. Probably best to give it a read first so you know what the hell is going on. But, for everyone who has already done that here’s part two of California Dreamin’. Enjoy some spectrophilia!

Lucid

The adults only section of Family Video was always a hive of sleaze. Most of the time though, thankfully, it was empty. Steve could always tell when someone would first walk through the door if that was their intended destination or not. They would stop, check out other titles, pick up a case of two from the shelves and roll it over in their hands, very visibly debating with themselves, all the while slowly but surely making their way to the back corner where it was all hidden behind a thick beaded curtain to give the illusion of privacy. The reality was it was never private. There was a camera in the top corner, blinking red and bright. A deterrent.

That didn’t stop some people though.

Robin was on Twizzler duty again, now doing it everyday to piss Keith off, seeing how far she could push until he snapped but in her own way. A drop of water slowly breaking through a mountain. It was kind of fun really, to watch her loudly eat the red candy but not give any eye contact to him as he walked around the store every now and then, giving all her attention to a copy of The Turning of the Screw. It did mean Steve was on return box duty again though while they had their little silent war. Robin mouthed thank you as he went off to start, then went back to being as unbothered as ever.

Steve took the two cases that were left after he’d done the rest of the store and dipped through the thick beads. Thankfully today the room just smelt like hot plastic rather than suspect body odour. One side of the small room was horror movies deemed too graphic and violent to be put on public display. Video Nasties. Steve had rented a couple a few times, they weren’t all that scary or good, but then he was probably just biased to that situation, having dealt with real life monsters that wanted to eat him and kill everybody and take over the world. On the other side were pornos. 

Why anyone would publicly rent a porno tape he would never understand. Maybe some people just didn’t have an imagination. Watching one was just fine, no problems with that at all, and it was common practice for a dirty magazine or two to be passed around the locker room as a joke, but actually walking into a store with the intention of just renting a tape to jack off too? No, Steve couldn’t understand that. Probably because the shame of having to do it would burn him alive, but that was another matter. He slotted a case into a mid level shelf, a Terminator parody so wittily titled Penetrator, all these tapes had such awful names, when a case lower down started making its way out from the shelf. Steve rubbed over the pendant under his shirt, it was ice cold.

Of course he’d visit now.

With a grin he couldn’t hide even for a second, Steve nudged it back into place with his foot. Another title further up poked out. Mad Max: Beyond Thunderbone. Steve shoved it back home too.

“Cut it out,” he muttered low only so no one could hear him if anyone was close by. He was still grinning though, so much his cheeks started to burn a little. Another case slowly wiggled free and stuck out at eye level. For Your Ass Only. Steve bit his lip so he wouldn’t giggle and give the specter that followed him the satisfaction, pushing it back in place with two fingers. A final case at shoulder height was brought out into the light of day. Risky Jizzness.

“You wanna tell me why this looks like you pretty boy?” The voice floated around Steve’s head, deep and sultry. Billy was in one of those moods. Steve pushed it back into place and kept his almost whisper tone.

“Because my boyfriend is a ghost and I’ve gone completely insane so staring in a porno was the next logical step, obviously.” Steve felt a warmth envelop his chest, leaving his arms free to rearrange tapes and put the final one from the box back in its place. It was instantly comforting and a little tight. Easy to imagine Billy just stood behind him, holding him for real in the middle of his work day, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder and being a distraction from the monotony of stacking video tapes in alphabetical order.

“You should have mentioned that was your end goal, I’d have been more than happy to hold the camera.”

“Uh huh, sure, cause that’s all you would be holding.” He could feel Billy’s dirty grin burn his cheek, heat pressing and creeping up along his jaw like slow kisses.

“You know it baby.”

Steve still wasn’t sure on a lot of things about this, whatever this was. Whether anyone could hear what Billy was saying was a big point. He tended not to come out if there were other people around so it wasn’t as if Steve could test it. Even if he could he would look totally crazy, which he still wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t anymore. His mental state was one of those things he didn’t think about too hard. Like the Cold War, or being sucked back into dark, monster filled tunnels. Their presence was always there but it didn’t affect his day to day life so much. If anything, Billy following him around some days made Steve happier. More at peace. Of course it raised a lot of questions like why and how, and why and how again because there would definitely need to be several rounds of why and how before anything even started to make sense. 

Then there was the where. Billy didn’t think he was in hell, was pretty sure he wasn’t in heaven, and wasn’t entirely sold that he was in the middle place either. They spoke about it sometimes when Steve slept and was whisked away to either the quarry or the beach, wherever Billy wanted to be that night. Steve kind of liked the beach more, it was always bright but not hot, calm and tranquil. It felt almost like a little vacation away from Hawkins. They would always lie next to each other on brightly coloured beach towels. Steve had never seen Billy in the lime green board shorts he liked to wear on beach nights, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. Even if Steve was stuck wearing what he wore to sleep and looked ridiculous by comparison. There was never anyone else there to judge.

That was just another thing they hadn’t quite worked out yet. Turns out no one gives you an instruction manual when you die and become a spirit just floating around, stick in limbo. You kind of just have to figure things out yourself. Billy had worked out how to change his clothes and the landscape of where he pulled Steve too. He hadn’t yet worked out how he did that though.

“I just, think, and here we are.”

He’d worked out how to pick things up and put them down, push and pull and throw. Steve would sometimes leave objects on the kitchen counter for Billy to touch and move, getting such a thrill just seeing an empty Pepsi can be flipped onto its side and rolled away with a hollow clatter into the trash can on the other side of the room. Steve had suggested that maybe Billy was stuck until he found his purpose, but neither of them could think what that would be. Max was fine every time she came into the store to just hang around, get a break from the noise of the arcade next door, and let Robin suggest scary movies she should watch even though she wasn’t old enough to rent them yet. There was never a mark on her, which is what Billy was worried about but would never say out loud. He always pretended to be such an asshole and that he didn’t care, when he was blatantly obvious he did.

“Maybe you have to save a baby or something? You know, push a stroller out of the way of oncoming traffic?” Steve suggested while they were on the beach. Billy pushed himself up off his towel printed with lavender stripes onto his hands to look down. The sun was shimmering off his forever perfect body.

“This isn’t the 30s. And I’m pretty sure that only happened in silent movies,” he smiled like Steve was an idiot. An adorable idiot. His adorable idiot. Steve reached up to cup Billy’s jaw. That golden skin still felt numb under his fingers. They would need to work on that.

“Pretty sure that us being here right now means anything is possible.”

They’d both worked out that the pendant turning icy cold instead of just its regular cold meant Billy was close by instead of just in the general vicinity, still invisible sadly but his presence was there. Small steps. They were slowly piecing it together. It wasn’t as if either of them had any time limit on it all. But really, a manual would have been helpful. Even a small information pamphlet written in Chinese was better than the nothing they had.

---

Billy was still in that mood that night. Even as Steve’s clock ticked around to three am and he still couldn’t sleep. He lay on his stomach, staring at the hands move slow around the face. He wanted to sleep so badly, he could feel the gentle pull around his chest come see me, I miss you but no matter how hard he tried it just wasn’t happening. Maybe it was too warm out, the air too soupy to properly relax into sleep and drift away. The sheets were long kicked to his ankles. He could feel Billy getting restless. The pendant felt like it was frozen, trapped between his chest and the sheets. Steve tried one more time, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping to just be hypnotised by the soft monotonous tick tick tick. But five minutes later he was as awake as ever. He kept his eyes shut though. Wishful.  

The warmth left his chest and became more direct, felt like a hand stroking his back over his t-shirt, drifting up, rubbing the back of his neck and through his hair. Steve couldn’t help the small purr that gathered in his throat. He was a sucker for having his hair played with. By anyone. With permission obviously.

“I’m sorry Bill,” he mumbled into his pillow, head still turned towards the clock. “I’m trying...”

Steve didn’t get a response. He wasn’t really expecting one, sometimes Billy didn’t respond, couldn’t respond. It was just another thing they hadn’t worked out yet. In truth he wasn’t sure if his words were more for his spector boyfriend’s sake or his own. The hand pressed firmer. Steve easily imagined those tan fingers rubbing the little spot behind his ear. It definitely felt real enough to fool his brain that the other side of his bed wasn’t completely cold and empty. A gentle pull on his shoulder had Steve laying flat on his back, eyes still closed towards the ceiling.

“You’re making this harder you know…”

He felt heat on his cheek, across his jaw, over his lips. Kisses he couldn’t reciprocate no matter how much he wanted to. One hand became two, felt over his chest like they had done so many times before. Steve knew their pattern. What those blue eyes once liked to see. He chuckled and peeled his shirt off, tossing it to the floor.

“There. Happy now?”

Steve didn’t get a verbal response. Instead the touches became hotter, drifting over his skin with purpose, invisible fingers raking through his coarse chest hair, pressing and circling slow around his nipples. The heat left his face and worked its way down, across his now exposed collarbones one by one, his skin prickling as they crossed his body in two perfect lines. With his eyes closed it was so easy to imagine Billy was there. He kind of was. Steve moaned softly for him. One hand continued its way down, pressing over the waistband of Steve’s briefs. He chuckled again, putting his hand where he felt the pressure, slipping his fingers under the material, plucking them off his hip and circling towards his middle.

“You want these off too?” 

Steve giggled a little, feeling nibbles on his earlobe, the phantom hand rubbing slow and firm over his lower stomach, through his happy trail. The air felt thicker still as his body got excited from all the direct but indirect attention. Steve definitely felt like he was being watched. He kind of liked being watched like this. He kicked his briefs off into the bundle of sheets at the foot of the bed, already half hard. He pictured Billy’s smirk, his tongue poking out from between his teeth in approval and arousal. It made Steve grin in return to the empty room as he flopped his arms up above his head to touch the underside of the headboard, reminding him that this was real, he hadn’t drifted off to sleep quite yet.

That seemed to get Billy’s blessing. The kisses placed to the side of Steve’s neck were searing. It felt so real, felt like sucking and that wicked tongue lapping over his skin to make bright red marks everyone would see, high under Steve’s jaw. They caused his dick to kick. He groaned feeling a hand suddenly around it. Thick and strong, pumping up and down with little abandon. The friction was delicious. Impossibly so. He was soon completely hard, pointing up towards his stomach, the first few drops of pre hitting his skin. Everything felt so real. The kisses moved back to his lips, desperate and pressing and wanting. Steve opened his mouth and felt a tongue slide along his own, dragging out sounds from his throat that sounded alien even to him, as he kept getting stroked and played with like a toy. Hips bucking up into a memory of Billy’s hand, tight and firm, thumb pressing along an underside vein.

Then there was nothing. Steve panted in the dark, left teetering on the edge of almost there but not enough. But then there was pressure on his shoulders, hands hanging on, thumbs rubbing in circles where his collar bones ended. Steve gripped the headboard tighter before his cock was pressing into an ever familiar tightness he could never forget. Even with his eyes shut they still rolled into the back of his head, a groan escaping his lips before the tongue was back, capturing and swallowing his sounds of pleasure. His cock sunk further and further until there was nothing more to push into.

“Jesus…” Steve managed to get out somehow, voice ripped and cracking deep. “You gonna bounce for me baby?”

He could picture that grin, a deep flush high on those freckle covered cheeks, eyes dark with desire and want before the movement happened. Steve felt his brain just about stop. It had certainly stopped trying to make sense of what was happening to him. Billy bouncing on his lap was one of his most favourite things. The way his chest glistened with sweat, the way his stomach pulled tight, pushing his abs further on display, the way his hair would stick to his forehead, the way his athletic thighs would clamp around Steve’s hips. Even though he was taking Billy was still definitely the one in control.

Steve moved his hands from under the headboard, felt fingers lock between his own almost immediately as the drag on his cock got faster, more desperate, less rhythmic and far less precise. He started muttering things to space that’s it baby, just like that, keep going I’m so close, his head started swimming as the heat low in his gut started to pull tight and impending. Steve wanted to keep going though, keep feeling all of this for as long as possible. The hands heavy on his own. The scorching kisses over his cheek and neck and lips. The impossible warmth and tightness around his cock, dragging and pushing quicker and harder. To just keep picturing Billy’s strong hips working and rolling, his thick cock aching and desperate to be touched but keeping Steve pinned so it couldn’t be, pre pooling into his belly button.

Steve came over his stomach with a cry.

The kisses over his jaw were warm instead of hot as he panted hard, chest heaving and heart rapid, skin shiny with exertion. One hand holding his own was the only feeling that remained as his cock fell lip over his hip. An unmistakable smell of smoke suddenly filled the air after what would most definitely have been two clicks of a zippo with a homemade etching of a skull on the side. Steve couldn’t help but laugh tired and worn out.

“God you’re an asshole.”

Warm arms clamped on around Steve’s chest again, the gentle pull. Come see me, I miss you, I love you. Steve was just about tired enough this time to fall.

[unculturedswines]

So, I did a “which greek god’s child would you be”, back when I first started this blog and since Percy Jackson is getting a revival I thought I would put it out there for anyone else to use. The second set of numbers in parentheses are my previous scores. Still a Child of Demeter!

Zeus/Jupiter

[ ] You are a natural leader

[ ] You are interested in meteorology 

[x] You would love to be able to fly

[x] You’re not afraid of/you love thunderstorms

[x] The ability to control air and electricity is appealing to you

[ ] Eagles are among your favorite animals

[ ] You get angry when people ignore you or don’t listen to you

[ ] Pride is one of your biggest flaws

[ ] You can sometimes be a bit overdramatic

[ ] Even though you try to be fair, you sometimes come off as hypocritical

3/10 (4/10)

Poseidon/Neptune

[x] Swimming and/or canoeing are among your favorite things to do

[x] You love taking trips to the beach

[x] You get along well with horses, or you love them

[ ] You have often wished for the power to breathe underwater

[ ] The ability to control water sounds awesome

[x] Your loyalty to the ones you love is your weakness

[ ] You can be a bit moody and temperamental at times

[ ] You are interested in seismology or marine biology

[ ] Dolphins and sharks are your favorite animals (or one of your favorite animals)

[x] You have an overall caring personality

5/10 (5/10)

Hades/Pluto

[ ] You tend to make people feel nervous around you

[ ] You are interested in Geology or Forensic Science

[x] You sometimes feel a bit lonely

[ ] Your weakness is that you tend to hold grudges

[ ] Most people don’t see your kinder side because you hide it by being cold

[ ] You crave power over darkness and the dead

[ ] You are drawn to gemstones and precious metals

[ ] When you are in a relationship, you are deeply devoted to that person

[x] You often feel like you don’t belong in the group

[ ] You can be quite cynical at times

2/10 (2/10)

Athena/Minerva

[x] You value intelligence and wit highly

[x] It is a bad idea to get in your way, because you will never give up until you are finished

[x] You prefer to think things through, rather than start working on a problem immediately 

[ ] You tend to let logic get in the way of your emotions

[ ] Owls are among your favorite animals

[ ] You like sewing, crocheting, and other types of arts and crafts 

[x] You are interested in architecture

[ ] You don’t like the idea of someone else being better at something than you

[ ] You usually regret losing your temper after you see the damage

[x] You have arachnophobia 

5/10 (3/10)

Ares/Mars

[ ] You pick fights with other people a lot

[ ] Dogs or wolves are your favorite animals

[x] You like learning about different types of weapons and famous wars

[ ] With a few exceptions, people generally don’t like you

[ ] If you had a power, it would be to have the best fighting abilities ever

[ ] You have a short temper

[ ] You charge into situations without thinking things through

[x] You love playing first-person shooter games like Call of Duty and Halo

[ ] You love violence in general

[x] You are brave and very protective of your friends

3/10 (1/10)

Hermes/Mercury

[x] You have always wanted to/ you love to travel

[ ] You love playing pranks

[ ] You can be very sneaky

[x] You try to help other people a lot 

[x] You are pretty accepting of others

[x] You’re good at using phones and the internet

[ ] You’ve been known to try all kinds of things

[x] You often rely on your sixth sense or intuition

[ ] If you wanted to, you could steal something without people noticing

[ ] You love watching sports competitions or even participating

5/10 (5/10)

Aphrodite/Venus

[x] People have told you that they think you are beautiful/handsome.

[x] You are good at convincing people to do things

[x] You can read relationships very well

[ ] You believe in spreading love (not necessarily romantic) and beauty

[x] You can speak French 

[x] You can see possibilities more clearly than other people

[x]You like pretty things

[ ] You may have been described as a “girly girl” or in a boy’s case, “cute” or “hot”

[x] People sometimes underestimate you

7/10 (6/10)

Hephaestus/Vulcan

[ ] You are good with your hands

[ ] You like tinkering with things

[ ] You prefer inanimate objects over human company

[x] You wish you had the power to summon and control fire

[x] You fiddle with things in your hands when you are nervous

[ ] You have built a robot or some sort of contraption before

[ ] You tend to fall in love with people who you feel are too good for you

[ ] You are afraid of heights

[ ] You have a bit of an inferiority complex

[ ] You love creating things

2/10 (2/10)

Apollo

[ ] You love sunbathing

[ ] You like archery and/or are very good at it

[ ] You like writing poetry and/or songs

[x] You know how to give first aid

[ ] You are good at anything involving launching projectiles (i.e. basketball)

[ ] You can play an instrument

[x] You are afraid of the dark

[x] You sometimes have premonitions about things that are going to happen

[ ]Sometimes you can be a bit of a flirt

[ ] You have sharp senses

4/10 (5/10)

Demeter/Ceres

[x] You like gardening

[x] You would love to have the power to control plants

[ ] You can be a bit bossy at times

[x] You argue with other people a lot

[x] You love flowers 

[x] You are passionate about nature conservation

[x] You eat a lot of grain products

[x] Poppies are one of your favorite flowers

[ ] Geckos or snakes are your favorite animals 

[ ] You feel an unusual sadness as summer changes to fall and then to winter

7/10 (7/10)

Dionysus/Bacchus

[ ] You’re a real party animal

[x] You like grapes/grape juice/wine/kool aid/diet coke/diet pepsi

[x] You love the theater

[x] You think leopards are the coolest animals ever

[ ] If you could have any power, it would be to literally drive people insane 

[x] You become a bit hyperactive when you’ve had too much of your favorite drink

[ ] You like playing Pac-Man

[x] You believe that a REAL party is an extravagant one

[x] You hate being restricted in any way

[ ] Sometimes you tend to go overboard when you are planning things

6/10 (6/10)

[lovemesomesurveys]

What may I call you?  Stephanie or Steph.

Where are you right now, exactly?  In my room on my bed.

Over or under 18?  I’m well over 18.

Have you been watching the Stanley Cup play-offs? (GO BRUINS!)  No.

Ever believed your house was/is haunted? If yes, why; what happens? Nah.

The building you live inside; how long ago was it built? I think early 80s.

Ever travel internationally?  I’ve been to Mexico once.

If you could go anywhere RIGHT NOW, where would it be? And why? I don’t want to go anywhere RIGHT NOW. 

Do you fancy someone currently? Tell me about them!  No.

Ever have a big ol' crush on someone you've never met in person? If so, did you ever tell them you did? Well, on celebrities.

What makes you feel luxurious? I don’t feel luxurious.

Do you enjoy drinking scotch as much as I do?  I don’t enjoy drinking scotch at all. Or any alcohol.

What have you done that makes you proud of yourself? Meh.

What makes you envy someone? Someone who seems to have their life together. I know everyone has their struggles and hardships, but there’s people who manage to push through and handle things better. They’re able to function still and are doing something with their life. I envy people who despite their hardships have a strong, positive, can-do attitude. I envy people who are passionate about things and do what they love. I envy talented, creative, and intelligent people. 

For you, is jealousy something that makes you more sad or angry-feeling? Depends.

Do you get the munchies?  Natural munchies sometimes.

Every been to Germany? If so, what part? Nope.

Do you buy newspapers just for the puzzles? No, I don’t buy the newspaper for any reason.

Describe any tattoos or piercings you may have...? I just have my earlobes pierced. 

When's the last time you smacked someone's butt? (Or been smacked :P) I don’t do that.

Do you enjoy making art? If so, what's your style like?  I don’t make art, but I like to color.

Were you a shy child? Very. Now I’m a shy adult.

Ever wanna run away with the circus?  Uh, no.

What is the closest object to your feet right now?  My feet are near the edge of the bed and my bedside table is nearby.

Reach behind you- do you feel anything? What is it?  My pillow.

Is English your second language? No.

Have you ever designed and constructed your own clothing? No.

What's the very last digit in your phone number?  Nah.

Is your house an odd or even number? Odd.

Do you have a favorite superhero? Who? Iron Man, Spiderman, Star Lord, Ant-Man.

What power would you like to receive, if given the option?  >>I don’t know. The power of brain that work good. <<< Ha, yeah that would be nice.

Ever punch someone in the nose?  No. Or at all.

...will you write me a haiku? Nope.

What was the last thing that really delighted you? Hmm.

Do you wear skin-colored clothes?  I have a pair of pantyhose that are like the color of my skin.

Ever eat German cuisine? If so, what'd ya have? No.

Do you have conversations with any animals?  I always talk to my doggo.

Do you have a little sibling? If so, are you protective of her/him?  Yes.

Recommend me a good book? I don’t know what you like.

Can you sleep on your back? (I can't, I feel too vulnerable!)  I can, but I prefer to sleep more on my side.

What's the last special thing you did for someone? (Buy, cook, etc.) Hmm.

Did you cook something today? If so, what was it?  Ramen.

Ever baked ALL day? No.

Can you recognize the smell of death?  Gahhhh, I’ve smelt dead rodents.

Ever known a mortician or a coroner?? (Now you do!) No.

What makes you feel good about yourself? Nothing?

Could you ever be some type of counselor for kids/teens?  No. Funny how that’s actually what I wanted to do for a long time when I was younger.

Do you enjoy getting dressed up for no real reason? No.

What are you afraid of?  A lot of things.

Ever been to a maximum security prison? You, or just visiting?  No.

Do you think mint toothpaste is too minty?  I use a light minty one for sensitive teeth.

How is a raven like a writing desk? I still haven’t figured that one out.

Are you currently eating or drinking something? If so, what? I’m finishing up my Starbucks energy drink. 

Do you own striped socks? What colors are your favorite ones?  No.

Black Metal ist Krieg. Agree or Disagree? >>  I had to Google that and apparently that’s a name of an album of a metal band, but I’m guessing you’re asking if I think black metal “ist krieg”, which for me no it’s not my thing.

Are there any numbers that have significance to you?  The number 8.

Do you know how to read palms or tarot or anything else like that?  I don’t believe in those things.

Do you own any bones or other preserved organic ..things? Unfortunately not. Accepting all bone donations. <<< That made me chuckle for some reason lol. I’m lacking those things as well. Well, I do own the bones in my body...

What do you think about internet piracy?  I can’t say I’ve never partaken... I haven’t in several years, though. 

Do you know anything about Nordic runes?  No.

How do you feel about children?  They can be cute and they can be annoying, ha. 

Whatcha looking forward to right now? Summer being OVER. This triple digit heat wave needs to goooo. We’ve had power outages the past couple times and it will probably happen all this week, too. D:

How do you feel about clowns?  I like Pennywise.

Are any of your friends clown by profession? I’m a clown. I majored in clownery. 

Do you put grated cheese on popcorn?  I’ve never tried that.

Do you thing anyone ever actually gets in trouble for having milkcrates?  What? Why would they get in trouble for that?

Do you tip street performers? (YOU SHOULD.) Not usually. I didn’t ask them to be there, I have no obligation to them. I’ll do it if I feel moved to (and if I happen to have cash, which is the other important variable here). <<< “I didn’t ask them to be there” hahah I love your answers.

What are your virtues/morals?  Ya know, stuff like honesty, being loyal, taking responsibility for your actions, being tolerant of differences, treat others how you wish to be treated, forgiveness, no cheating, respect, don’t commit murder, don’t steal.... stuff like that.

What do you smoke, if anything? I don’t.

Does being an addict make someone a bad person, in your opinion?  No.

Have you ever experienced any type of detox? No.

Ever been institutionalized? ...was it because of just one pepsi?  No. And I don’t get the Pepsi thing?

Tie up, or be tied up?  Neither.

Ever shoot a gun that wasn't a handgun? Rifle, shotgun, etc? No.

Is your mother a really cool lady? Yes, she’s awesome. Everyone loves her.

Ever suddenly find a friend very attractive but had to keep it to yourself?  I’ve liked a few of my guy friends, but I told them.

What time is it right now? 7:35AM.

Last time it's rained? I think back in April. Feels like forever ago. 

Ever been through a deadly natural disaster? No.

What do you do when you lose power?  Ugh, we’ve had that happen the past 2 days during the hottest time of day. It’s been high triple digits and inside my house has been 90 degrees, 92 when the power goes out. D: It’s horrible. I go and get my little battery fan and a wet washcloth and mess around on my phone and/or talk to my family until it comes back on. And complain about how hot it is.

Do you have a boot fetish too?  No.

Have you ever done home-repair stuff? No.

Reason you last used a knife?  I eat my spaghetti with a fork and knife.

Ever tattoo or pierce yourself? What, and how did it turn out?  Nooo. I’d be terrified to get either one done, I certainly couldn’t do it to myself.

Have you ever assisted in a birth? No.

Have you ever had a bad trip?  I’ve had a bad weed trip before and an actual trip.

Do you ever yell at your TV/computer/video games? Ha, yeah. Maybe not yell, but definitely talk back to it or comment out of frustration.

How long do you take in the shower? 30-40ish minutes.

If you could ask someone ONE thing & get 100% honesty, what would you ask? I don’t know.

What's the best thing you've ever found in a thrift/second hand shop? I don’t go thrift shopping.

What's one skilled craft you like to learn? Uhhh.

How do you feel about magicians? It can be pretty cool to watch. Some are really clever.

What do you smell like right now?  I smell my laundry detergent on my clothes. 

Tell me about the last person that made you laugh. He’s intelligent, funny, and cool.

Who was the last person to really make you feel special? It was nice receiving birthday comments from family and various people on social media and the birthday gifts from my family.

[redandfranticfeelings]

okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique. 

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!