#but oof today was hectic at work

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/pynkhues/769443369506275328/i-actually-wouldnt-agree-that-louis-was-a-strict?source=share

This reminds me that I would really really really reallly really really really reallllly love to read your version of Louis and Lestat having full-on penetrative sex (lol I always feel oddly clinical putting it like that) for the first time post-reunion, preferably--since you write it so so brilliantly and we don't have enough of it in fic--with bottom Lestat.

It’s definitely on the list for the the Spell ‘verse, anon! It’s just a matter of when I get to it ☺️

[allo-frouto]

Horny levels still on 6? 🫣

7!

[br4tpr1nce]

Five Nights at Armand's Update (September 13th, 2024)

happy(?) friday the 13th! jesus christ has this been a hectic week and tomorrow will be no different, nevertheless, i have trekked onwards. simple stuff i did today: i added some functionality to the title screen, created a fade-to-black transition between the title and the main game, and i added some staticy audio for some ambience:

i also started some artwork for one of the rooms: lestat's bedroom (i promise i have a plan for why he has a bedroom in the house). note: i am not an artist and i started doing digital art (besides pixel art) less than 2 weeks ago so i will definitely improve as i go on:

idk if you can really tell from the low quality gif, but there are bright blue eyes in the doorway which will be how you can tell if lestat is there. here is the artwork i've done so far with no warping and static:

so that's basically all i have for today and as i said i will not have much time to work tomorrow bc i am volunteering for like 5 hours (accidentally double booked myself oof) but i will keep fleshing out the ideas i have and working on art when i can.

thank you so much for reading my long ass post!

[danpuff-ao3]

Work was supposed to be nutty today. And while it was, it was less hectic than I thought it would be. And so...I accomplished a lot!

Did some modly things for Chan Fest (and the rest to wrap up tonight!)

Opened HP Fruit Fest

Filled my first Astrology Analysis request!! Which was a lot of fun even though my brain is now fried. (You try to writing a 7k astrology reading in 1 day.) (Oof.)

Oh also I did work things. What work things I don't quite recall but I definitely did them.

Oh also continued typing Astrology Analysis when someone came into my office to ask me a question. She was suitably impressed by me looking at and listening to her while still typing. It's a small flex but I'm FLEXING IT OKAY.

Oh also???? Answered an Astro Sorting this morning!!!!

I'm kicking butt this Monday, basically.

[tolerateit]

Meg, bestie wish me luck, I'm metaphorically doing a marathon this weekend and am about to rant about it (I'm moving last minute, too many shitty things happened these last two weeks and I can not handle staying in this place any longer. Was gonna move next month, and take it slow, but plans change. Was it just life? Was it mercury retrograde? Who knows. What I do know is I've had enough. Fortunately, I'll get to save up a bit more money living with family, even if the client pays late again.)

I have to finish working by the end of the day, I'm hoping by midnight, and then pack up half the apartment in the middle of the night, wake up tomorrow to clean up the place as best I can, with some help of course, and then my parents are coming to help us move half the stuff. We're moving the other half next weekend. And then we have a bunch of things scheduled for Sunday, which means I shall be running on low food and sleep this weekend. I'd complain but my husband will have it worse because he's on a special diet for his health issues. At least I will no longer worry about roaches anymore (building got infested last month, and everyone in it can't agree on calling exterminators for whatever godforsaken reason so they've just been multiplying and arrived at our door last week. We spent last night, till 6am killing new ones that just hatched inside the casing of our bathroom door after one got inside it last week. I'm absolutely terrified of bugs so it's been me spotting them and screaming, and then my husband running in to kill them. The strongest drugstore chemicals we found are barely helpful to keep them away - we did the floors everywhere, so they started showing up on the walls. Aside from the bugs, the stove shorted and took two days to fix which meant "experiment with whatever you can find to eat" which is terrible for health issues reasons, the vacuum shorted a couple of days ago too, it started smoking and shut down (I think there's an electricity issue in the whole city but I don't have time to go into that now), and as if all that wasn't enough, I got sick and could barely function for a couple of days (am fine now), and just as I thought the roaches hatching in the door was the last straw, both elevators in our building broke down after two neighborhood-wide electricity outages earlier today, so we gotta take the stairs to the 6th floor (I feel bad for whoever's living on the 10th, I know there's people with babies up there) and I'm desperately hoping the elevators get fixed before we move tomorrow so we can have an easier time bringing everything outside and in the cars). Okay thank you for listening, I'm blaming mercury retrograde for all this, because last time it happened I was joking with my best friend that nothing bad ever happens, it's just nonsense, and this time around mercury decided to personally fuck everything up for me to teach me a lesson. I'd love to throw hands but it's a planet and I'm just human, so we just trudge on.

Love you! <3

Honestly fuck mercury retrograde it's really giving us such a hard time rn dffjjgddlkjh but oh god you got this bestie!! That's a super hectic weekend oof, I hope you're feeling a little better now 🥺 please take care of yourself bestie, ily <33

[vrnicky]

I'm with Lur rn (with Harold😌 ofc) work was hectic today

Oof Lur totally made you tea and offered you a massage

[sorryjustafangirl]

what home is

a/n: this is my submission for @antoineroussel 's summer fic exchange 2k21! thank you for organizing this all demi. i recieved @timstuetzle and i am so excited to finally share this! im sorry it's so late but i had a lot of fun writing for Tim and i hope i did him justice! i made this a gender neutral reader again, so please enjoy my take on some friends to enemies to lovers :)

pairing: tim stützle x reader

word count: 18k+ (holey moley)

warnings: some angst, set in no covid-universe, a few swears, an odd timeline

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! the banner is made by me, with photos found from pinterest and the transparent made by @art-and-the-hockeys (thank you!!!)

The start of the season was your favourite. The chill of the rink, the sound of skate edges on the ice, the smell of skate sharpening- it was all so familiar. As an analyst, the start was the best. There were new lineups, new plays, and a chance to try new things. Considering this was your first year as a real analyst, not just checking over others' work, you were excited. You got to actually help to build a Stanley Cup winning team.

What you didn’t love was how everyone seemed to lose their heads and decide to run around the arena. You’d been looking for the coach of the Ottawa Senators for the past twenty minutes. You’d think the man would be in his office the first day back, but no. He decides to take a stroll to who-knows-where and leaves you to follow invisible breadcrumbs.

Eventually, you found yourself on one of the lower levels. You continued down the hallway, entering an open space with concrete floors. The bustle of the new season was in full swing as you swerved between various people working like gears in a machine. You tried to do your best to stay out of other people’s way but you still ended up walking into a hard surface.

“Oof!” Shit. Hard surfaces don’t usually talk. You looked up at what you ran into and saw two men staring at you. Both were wearing Senators hoodies but one was a taller blond and the other a slightly shorter brunet. The brunet has a backwards snapback on but that wasn't what made you stop in your tracks. It was his eyes. They were soft and welcoming, something like a home cooked meal, but they had a glint of adventure in them.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I wasn’t really looking where I was going. I am so sorry.” You apologized to the blond you ran into.

“Hey, all good. I’m-”

“Number 7.” You turned toward the brunet. “And...number 18, right?” When they both gave you a weird look, you shrugged. “I’m an analyst here so, uh, you’re just numbers to me.”

“Okay, ouch but you are the reason we’re going to be winning more games this season, so I'll give it to you. I’m Brady, and this is Jimmy.” The blond gestured to himself first, before gesturing beside him.

“It’s Tim, actually.”

You introduced yourself to the two players, before looking around the hallways. “Um, would either of you happen to know where the coach is? I can’t find him,” You held up the file folders in your hands. “I’ve got new numbers for him.”

“Oh yeah he’s probably close to the ice, we’ll show you.” Brady started down a hallway, both you and Tim falling in stride behind him. “So Numbers-”

“-Y/n-” You glared at Brady for the nickname, rolling your eyes as he continued on. From your peripheral vision, you saw the corners of Tim's mouth turn up.

“-If you don’t mind me saying….either you look really good for your age, or you aren’t old enough to be working here,” He continued, giving a glance your way.

You looked down at your shoes and gave a sigh. “I get that a lot, and I am young-er than my colleagues but I assure you, I am qualified to work for this organization.”

“Wasn’t doubting that, just seeing how much I get to tease ya. Jimmy’s the rookie,” He elbowed him and Tim tried to swerve around it, only to bump into a stack of pylons. Brady and you shared a grin at his expense. “So he gets all the teasing. Same for the numbers people. You’re the rookie.” He shrugged

“Well, I’m not actually a rookie anymore. This is my second year here,” You mentioned, looking towards the two guys. Brady looked impressed whereas Tim’s eyes went large and his jaw slack a little.

“How?” He asked, and you laughed. The three of you turned a corner, and you walked slightly faster to talk.

“I graduated high school pretty early. And then took my statistics undergrad at the University of Ottawa. I minored in sports studies and I met your GM at a conference for the department. When he found out I was in Ottawa alone, he kinda took me under his wing, checked in every now and again. When I graduated two years ago, he offered me an analyst position and I was lucky enough to land it. I love working here, even if I’m way younger than everyone else. Last year, I stayed in my office a lot, double checking people’s work but this year, they gave me more responsibility. I’m excited for the challenge.”

“You are going to be great.” Tim said, meeting your eyes, his gaze showing that his comment was genuine. You ducked away from his gaze but muttered a ‘thanks’. The three of you rounded another corner, Brady ducking out to talk to a reporter, but Tim said he’d help you find the coach.

You settled into a comfortable silence as you walked beside each other through the chilled hallways. He abruptly took a left turn, cutting you off and causing you to bump into him. You immediately apologized, this being the second time today you’d run into a hockey player.

“‘S my fault, I’m still getting used to the new arena,” He said, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. He nodded his head down the hallway, as a silent ‘after you’ and you started walking. As you got further down, you realized Tim walked you out to the bench. The light became brighter, the air a little crisper, and the floor turned from a concrete grey to a bright red. Your eyes wandered up, admiring the view from down here. You’d be truthful earlier, you’d only ever visited your office. But from down here, you could see everything- the thousands of seats, the banners hanging from the ceiling, the crystal white ice. You stood close to the wall, as if to try to intimidate a fly on a wall, seeing everything as if you weren’t there. You could feel Tim could up from behind you, letting you take it all in for the first time.

“That’s Coach,” He leaned closer to you as he pointed across the ice towards someone in a tracksuit. You nodded and although Tim dropped his hand, he stayed close to you. The coach eventually noticed the two of you and started to skate over to the bench. Tim cleared his throat and you looked at him.

“I got to- I have to go now, but, um, I’ll see you around?” You nodded to his question, a soft smile on your lips. He rocked back and forth on his heels, as if he knew he had to leave but he kept getting pulled towards you. “Good luck with the season.”

“Good luck with yours too.” At that he turned away from you, and you turned to the coach, pulling out your file folder to talk with him.

***

A week or two later and the start of the season was upon the Canadian Tire Centre. The home opener was in a few days and your week had been hectic, trying to get notes from practices and implement what you saw into your analysis. After a morning full of spreadsheets, you decided to take your lunch break in your sanctuary. Last year, the arena felt too big to stick around in on your lunch break. So you had headed outside, where you discovered a small hiking trail about a ten minute drive from work. It quickly became a place where you went whenever you needed to clear your head. And after the morning you had, it was the perfect place to go, so you hopped in your car and started towards it.

At the top of the hill, you put the car in park, grabbed your lunch bag and started towards your spot. It was past the picnic tables that had a nice view of the suburbs, but it wasn't secluded. Your spot was off the beaten path, but there was a small ledge with a perfect view of the arena, highway, and surrounding green spaces. You turn the corner, ducking under a tree branch, ready to exhale the heck of the morning you had.

But there was already someone sitting in your spot. Their head was down, but you recognized the logo and number 18 on their hoodie. Cautiously, you approached him.

“18...Is it okay if I sit here?” You asked, and his head shot up. He shot you a small smile and quick nod. You sat down, placing your bag in front of you, taking out a granola bar.

“You can call me Tim, you know. That is my name,” You gave him a shy smile and you could feel your cheeks heat up at his comment.

“I didn’t think anyone knew about this place, Tim,” You mentioned quietly. It felt weird, to be honest, to be sharing your spot with someone, but it didn’t feel like he was intruding.

“My city in Germany has a lot of parks. There’s a forest near my house where I’d go when I needed a break. This is the closest I could find near the rink. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Just don’t go telling the whole team about our place,” you winked at him and took a bite of your snack.

“I can keep a secret, don’t worry.” He laughed lightly and sent you a smile.

“I don’t know if you remember me but-”

“You’re the analyst, you graduated super early right? Y/n, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” You smiled at him. “So, how are you liking Ottawa?”

“It’s alright, I haven’t seen very much of it. The ice is very good. My house is nice.” He shrugged and you gaped at him.

“That’s all you’ve seen? So you haven’t been to Parliament Hill or ByWard market or…?” you trailed off when you saw him biting his bottom lip and slowly shaking his head. “Well, you are missing out, you should go see the city sometime.”

“Do you think you could show me around? You seem to know all the best places,” He offered. You met his eyes and nodded. He dug his phone out of his pocket, passing it over to you. You raised your eyebrows at the gesture but he just pushed his phone closer to you. Silently, you imputed your number, placing a small graph emoji beside your contact name. You handed it back to him and a small smirk graced his face when he saw the emoji, before he pursed his lips at the device. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Sorry, it’s all good. Thank you. It’s- I have to go back now, but I’ll text you, yeah?” You nodded as he handed back your phone. He walked towards the parking lot, but turned around to wave at you before he disappeared around the bend.

Later that day as you sat in the stands, a clipboard and pen in your hands, you got a text from an unknown number.

Hi

It's 18 :)

You chuckled at his use of his number and texted him back.

i thought you said i could call you tim? :(

also it’s practice?? how are you on your phone?

It starts in a couple minutes

your teammates are already on the ice

Spying on me already??

it’s literally my job to watch you practice

Guess I'll see you in the stands then :)

Oh and I'm free this weekend for that showing of the city, team bonding’s on friday

i’ll check my schedule and get back to you

now get out on the ice or you’re going to be late :)

***

You had checked your schedule, and agreed to meet that Saturday. You said you’d pick him up since you knew more of the city. You didn't want to be late so you arrived five minutes early in front of Tim's place. He walked out in his signature backwards snapback, some curls poking out the front, and a monochromatic beige outfit. Waving animatedly at you, he jogged to the car, his ever present smile on his face.

The twenty minutes ride into the city was quiet yet comfortable. A few words were exchanged about how each other’s day was so far but nothing groundbreaking. The low hum of the engine filled the silence as you drove into the city.

After parking in a Superstore (‘Free parking in downtown Ottawa is hard to come by, Tim. We’re parking in the grocery store parking lot’) and walking a few blocks, you come to the far end of the market. Lined with local businesses and brick streets, it felt homey. Tim smiled as it reminded him of back home.

“So, what are we going to see first? Your school?” He asked as the two of you walked along the streets. You laughed and shook your head.

“Pfft no. It isn’t all that interesting. I figured we’d see some of my favourite places, if that’s okay?” He assured you it was and the two of you continued through the streets, Tim with his head down as you passed people. He wasn't famous just yet, but in Canada you find hockey fans at every corner. Soon, you arrived in a small plaza with coloured picnic tables and muskoka chairs.

“Ta-da!” You gestured to the large block letters that spelled ‘Ottawa’ in the middle of the space. “It’s not much, but you’ve got to be a tourist in your own city at least once right?” He laughed along with you and you got out your phone, ready to take a picture of him so he could send it to his parents. You thought he would want a picture of him but he was quick to insist you had to be in the picture as well.

“I’m sorry, but would you mind taking a picture of us?” You asked one of the girls who were taking turns with the Ottawa sign.

“Oh sure!” You stood beside him, between the two ‘T’s in Ottawa, his arm slung over your shoulders. You smiled and looked up at Tim to see him smiling as well- and not one of those classic boy coy half smiles, a genuine one. She took a few landscape and a few portrait ones before handing your phone back. “You two are such a cute couple!”

Before you could correct the girl, Tim answered for you. “We’re just friends actually.” She apologized profusely before rejoining her group. You shuffled your feet as an awkward silence overcame you for the first time since you’d met. Your body shivered and you promptly changed the subject.

“Hey, you hungry?” He shrugged and nodded. You nodded and led him away from the sign, through a few back alleys lined with a few merchants, home artists and such. You entered a building, bustling with people. It was long and narrow, with brick flooring and merchants on either side of the middle. There were lots of people, ranging from people doing their weekly grocery shopping to tourists looking for souvenirs. You weaved between strollers and friend groups, Tim grabbing your hand to avoid getting lost. He kept his head low, hoping it would disguise him enough. This day was about you and him, not you, him and the hockey world. Eventually, the two of you exited the indoor market and came to a small opening. Instead of staying in the opening, you turned left, tugging Tim across the street to two small shacks, one red and one blue. The red one had a classic fairytale vibe to it, with beige wainscotting, red painted window frames, and topped with a white and light brown canopy over the window. Underneath the canopy, there was a string of small Canadian flags.

“Do you trust me?” He arched one of his eyebrows but nodded. “I’ll be right back.” Confused, Tim stood there as you walked up the window, spending no time looking at the menu as you ordered. He looked above the shack to see in fancy lettering the word BeaverTails. When you came back, you were holding two paper containers and had a smile on your face. He looked at the sign and then back to the bags in your hands.

“A beaver’s… tail?” You laughed at him and handed him his BeaverTail.

“It’s not actually a beaver’s tail. It’s just a fried pastry that looks like one. They come in lots of flavours but I got you the best one, cinnamon sugar.” You could tell he was hesitant but bit into his and you took a bite of your own.

Almost instantly, he groaned. “Do you take every guy here? Wow. Oh my god,” He got cinnamon smeared over his chin and you laughed as he tried to wipe it off while holding his pastry.

“Hilarious Tim, but I’ll have you know you’re like my only friend here. So… no I don’t take anyone here.” He scoffed and you raised your eyebrows.

“You’re joking. How do you not have other friends? You’re great,”

“I started university as a 16 year math major. It’s not a surprise people didn’t want to talk to me. But it’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”

“Don’t you have people from home come and visit?”

You scoffed. “I don’t really get along with my mum. We moved around a lot when I was younger and I always sorta resented her for not seeing how it affected me. And then, when I got accepted to school out here, she sold the house and started travelling. Last I talked to her, she was in Tahiti.” He raised his eyebrows.

“What about your dad? Or brothers or sisters?” You swallowed your piece of BeaverTail before answering him.

“I have an older sister, Dani. But she’s eight years older than me, so we're not the closest. She checks in every week or so because she knows my mum doesn't. She’s never come out to visit though, she runs her own business back in Seattle.”

“It must be nice to have someone though. Especially when you were growing up. What about your dad?”

“I don’t- I don’t talk about my dad.” You picked at the pastry before changing the topic. “C’mon, you have to see this place.” You gestured to a side street and the two of you made your way towards your favourite destination. You exited beside a taller building and you pressed the button to allow the two of you to cross the street. As you were waiting for the light to turn, you turned to Tim.

“So, I’m guessing you don’t have any siblings then?”

“No, but the guys at the rink were like my brothers so it wasn’t bad.” The light turned red, and the ‘walk’ light turned on. You made your way across, staying close to each other as people walked both ways.

“Hockey tends to do that,”

“Is that why you picked to work in hockey?”

You glared at him as you made it across the street. “That’s personal.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends share personal stuff.”

“That’s… it’s just different.” You shook your head and lowered the volume of your voice. “Besides, we’re here.” The two of you had stopped in front of some shallow steps that led to a tall archway, with black statues underneath and on top of the arch. It had some engravings on it, both small and large letters. From where they were standing, Tim could make out some numbers, but not well enough to understand the significance. Behind the monument and slightly to the right was the green tipped roof and gothic architecture of the Parliament building.

“What is this place?” He tilted his head as he looked at the arch in the middle of the square. To him, it wasn’t anything special, perhaps another statue of one of the colonizers of the country.

“It’s Canada’s war memorial.” You whispered, and he nodded, clasping his hands in front of his body and lowering his head. “When I was going to school, I’d come here at least once a week.”

His head stayed where it was but he raised his eyes to meet yours. “Why?”

“I know it’s not exactly everyone’s favourite place...because I know so many people died for the country, but for me, it’s a place of silence. Of reflection. It reminds me to be grateful for everything I have. Some days school would be really bad, so this place was perfect to sit and remember that life isn’t bad at all. Not when I was in a safe country, not when I had an education, not when I had a warm house to go back to.”

He nodded. “That seems...perfect. Some days are too loud, there’s too many people saying stuff. I get that.” His voice was quiet as well, as he lifted his head to focus on the stonework and engravings. The two of you stood in silence in front of the memorial for a few minutes more before you tugged on his arm.

“See that building?” You leaned in close to him, your finger extending to point at a building in the distance, a little taller than the ones around it. “That’s the university’s mathematics and physics department. I had most of my classes in that building.” He nodded, leaning in closer to you, your heads almost touching. You lowered your hand and nodded with your head towards the way you came.

“C’mon, we’re not done yet. You’ve got to see the Parliament building.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed left towards it. You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him right. “I’m the tour guide, remember? Trust me, there’s a better view.” You dropped his hand as he started to walk in time with you but you had to shove it in your pocket to replace the heat his hands gave you.

A quick ten minutes walk later and you stood atop a hill overlooking the river. It was a large park with benches and an eccentric art installation in the corner. You walked close to the peak of the hill and stopped, breathing in the fresh air.

“There is Canada’s capital building. It’s nicer to see it from here than from the front where there’s a bunch of tourists. Besides, from here, you get to see more of the architecture.” The building was across the river, its massiveness more pronounced from your viewpoint. There was a dome nearest the river that was covered in flying buttresses, each support beam having intricate details that stood out. The clock tower and green tinted roof completed the gothic look.

“This view is better. Quieter. It reminds me more of home,” You bump your shoulder against his lightly.

“Glad you like it.” The two of you stood in silence until Tim shivered, at which case you decided you should start heading back. If the hockey player was cold, it was cold enough for you too.

The walk and drive back was uneventful, aside from the two of you passing jokes back and forth. When it came to drop him off, he unbuckled his seatbelt but didn’t make an effort to leave the vehicle.

“How much for our snack? I’ll pay you back,”

You waved him off. “It was my treat, don’t worry about it.” He pursed his lips, then shook it. He pulled out his phone from his pocket. A few seconds later, your phone dinged. You glared at him as you opened the text to see an e-transfer. Before you could protest, he cut you off.

“You never said I couldn’t pay for your gas," He laughed, and despite your annoyance at the loophole, you found yourself laughing along with him. He had that effect on you; he seemed to be able to ease any tension you held. “I had a good time today. Maybe we could meet again sometime?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you at the rink?” He nodded before getting out of your car, waving like he did that morning as you drove off to your place. When you arrived home, you saw a new text from him.

Can you send those pictures you took today?

You tried to suppress a smile, sending them over to which he responded with a ‘Thank youuuu’. You set your phone on your nightstand and turned off the light. Despite your efforts, you fell asleep with a smile on your face from a perfect day with a great person.

***

“Hey, Numbers!” You stopped in your tracks and turned around to see Brady sticking his head out of the dressing room. He had taken a liking to calling you that, especially as you had started hanging around the house more. It was nice, movie nights and sometimes you’d take a pre-game nap with Tim, you had even stayed for lunch at Tim’s request. At this point, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Brady to shout the nickname from anywhere. Practice had ended and you had given your notes to the coach about what to focus on for the Toronto game. “You didn’t happen to see Jimmy, did you?” When you shook your head, his face scrunched into a small frown.

“Where’d he go? Didn’t media like just end?”

He shrugged. “He didn’t even bother to change from media, he just stalked out. He didn’t say anything to any of the guys, so I thought you might’ve seen him.”

“I’ll keep a lookout for him,” You told Brady before he returned to finish dressing and you returned to your office. But even after you’d settled back into your work, there was a feeling in your stomach you couldn’t quite place. Sending a quick text off to Tim, asking where he was, you dove back into work. But it only took five minutes before you were checking your phone, seeing if he’d read the text or responded. When neither happened, you gave him a call. It sent you straight to voicemail and you hung up before you could leave a message. The feeling in your stomach grew and you packed up your bag, knowing no more work would get done tonight. It wasn’t like Tim to sulk or get in his head; he was a generally happy guy. Something must have set him off for him to be acting this way -- even with you. And if it was something this big, there was only one spot he would’ve gone.

“Brady said you stalked out of media. Figured I’d find you here.” He turned around at the sound of your voice, his shoulders dropping a little. He shrugged, which you took as your cue to take a seat beside him at your lookout space. The sun was setting, the golden hour light reflecting on his stress lines, and the sky was littered with wispy clouds.

Your hands were in the pockets of your hoodie, your legs tucked together. Despite being here for close to six years, the Canadian chill always surprised you. You sat with your shoulder pressed to his, a silent symbol of you being there for him. With his head down, he mumbled something too quiet for you to hear, so you leaned your head down to hear him better. At your movement, he huffed and lifted his head.

“I’m supposed… They wanted me to come and make a difference and to help win games. But I’m not helping! I’m supposed to be putting up points and helping win games, but we’re still losing! Like, why do I suck?”

Your chest got tight at his words. “Tim…”

“You can’t deny it, the numbers say we’re losing.”

“Losing doesn’t mean you aren’t producing. This is your first year in the NHL, you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t think you were worth it. Hockey is a team sport, it isn’t just your job to win the game.”

“But they wouldn’t have gotten me right out of the World Juniors if they didn’t need me to start making an impact right away! They were counting on me. And I’m not living up to it….”

“You are nineteen years old. Nineteen. The five other rookies ahead of you in points are all at least two years older than you. Let that sink in. You have so many years ahead of you. And secondly, no one here is expecting you to turn this team around. McDavid’s first year he didn’t turn the team around. And sure, yeah, the next year, the Oilers had more success but guess what? They missed the playoffs the next three years. Hockey is a team sport, one person, not even McDavid, can completely turn a team around. No one is expecting you to turn this team around in one season. This isn’t on you.”

“But the numbers…”

“Are you going to trust the analyst on the numbers or the assholes on Twitter?” He glared at you but let you continue on. “If you really want to talk numbers, we aren’t last in the league anymore. We’ve beat the top team in the division a couple times now. You’re putting up points, you’re helping us win. Cut yourself some slack. You’re nineteen and living in a new country. This team isn’t expecting you to be Ottawa’s saviour, okay?”

“There’s pressure to be better though! Everywhere I go, I just see how I should be doing more, how if I don’t produce more, I’m going to be a draft bust. I’m the young guy, I’m supposed to be the new blood and be able to make a difference. I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” His words lingered in the sunset glow, a contrast to the darkness he was feeling. You fell silent at his outburst, the air feeling too quiet, even with his heavy breathing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

You ignored his apology, knowing he would never intentionally hurt you. “I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I didn’t have enough job experience but my grades were one of the only reasons I was able to get hired so young. My first year, all I did was double check other people’s stats and predictions, and it was okay. No one expected much out of me because I was young and they didn’t really give me any responsibilities. But this year… they’re looking to me more. Teams with more than two analysts are more likely to produce teams that make the playoffs. I’m number three; I should be helping make a better team. But I’m not. I’m not getting the numbers we need or the stats we need. I know more updated methods and technologies but...it’s just not working. I’m not finding solutions to problems that this team has had for years. And the board and my colleagues see that. I know I shouldn’t worry about them firing me, but I still do. I mean, I’m not producing, why would they keep me around? This wasn’t what they wanted when they gave me the job.”

“They won’t fire you, you’re doing your best. And you’re young, you graduated early. They have to give you a chance to prove yourself in the workplace before they fire you.”

“You wanna take your own advice?” He flushed at your words, but you smiled. “Thanks, though.” He nodded and looked out over the suburbs surrounding the arena.

“The pressure in this league sucks.” He said and you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. It does. But we’ll get through it right?”

“We’ll figure something out. Together.” He placed his hand on your thigh and the two of you looked out at the sunset, his touch lingering on your body until the sun disappeared behind the horizon. Silently, he helped you to your feet, and walked you to your car, making sure you got in okay, before he got into his car. On the drive home, your chest felt lighter from the conversation.

***

The final buzzer rang, signalling a 4-2 win for the Senators. You smiled at the scoreboard and gathered your papers. The game was nothing spectacular, but for you, it was a career defining game. Some of the lines you'd suggested were risky, but you had the numbers to back it up, and it worked. It worked. The conversation with Tim earlier last week helped with your confidence to take risks in terms of your analytic advice.

You went back to your office after the game, wanting to type up a report of how you impacted tonight's outcome. If it worked this time, who's to say it couldn't work again? But in a higher stakes game? You felt like you were finally contributing to the team, and damn, it felt good.

Your office was barely even that. It was small, but you had a desk, a window, and your name on the door. It was enough for your first major gig. You'd made it a little homey-er with a small succulent and some motivational quotes. You opened up your laptop and began to type up a document report. The words flowed from your fingers and you used the numbers you counted from the box to back up your findings. Time seemed to stand still as you typed, the document becoming longer and longer.

A knock broke your train of thought and you looked up to see Tim poking his head through your office door. He had a shy smile on your face and you shook the writing haze out of your eyes.

"Hey! Come on in," He nodded, closing the door behind him before leaning against the wall. "You played a good game." His cheeks flushed and he lifted his hat, running his fingers through his hair.

"Thanks, thank you. Anyway, did you eat yet?"

"I mean, I had an iced coffee before the game and a granola bar during the second period. So yeah?" Immediately he started shaking his head and he pushed himself away from the wall. You open your hands as if to say 'what’?" and he outstretched his hand to you.

"Coffee and a granola bar isn't a meal. Let's go get some real food, I'm hungry." He made a grabby hand with his outstretched hand and you sighed.

"I have to finish my report, I can't." He sighed, pushed your laptop shut, and grabbed your hand.

"That can wait. Besides, the boys went out and I need a ride home." He flashed you a shy smile and you rolled your eyes, before picking up your bag and leaving your office with him. You tried not to notice how Tim was still holding onto your hand, but as he tugged you along to a quiet area of the concourse, it was difficult to do. He stopped at a small table with two bar stools. He let go of your hand, cold enveloping you, and you hung your bag on the back of the chair. As you hopped onto the chair, he stayed standing, tapping his fingers on the tabletop.

“What do you want to eat?" When you shook your head again, he pulled out his puppy dog eyes. "Tim, seriously, I'm fine."

"I'm getting some fries and you will eat some of them. Deal?" Your face pulled into a frown and he repeated himself. "Deal?"

"Yes, Mom, deal."

He gave himself a self assured smile. "Great. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later he came back with a container of fries and two small containers. He set them down in front of you before he got seated. A closer look at the container showed one was ketchup and the other was…

"Is this mayo?" He picked up a fry, dipped it in the white substance, and popped it into his mouth. With his mouth full, he nodded. "You eat your fries with mayonnaise?"

"You don't?"

"No!" You shook your head. He took another fry, dipped it again, and ate it.

"You have to try it, it's good!"

“No, no thank you. You can keep your weird German eating habits to yourself." You laughed, dipping a fry in ketchup before eating it.

"Nope, you've got to try one. Please?" You scrunched up your nose, and he held out a white coated french fry. You gave in, taking it from his hands and shoving it in your mouth. You chewed it slowly, contemplating the taste.

"It's...not horrible." He raised his eyebrows at you. "Fine, it's alright." He gave you another look, a small smile forming on his face despite his efforts to hide it. "Okay, okay, I like it. Happy?" He let out a loud laugh.

"Yes! I knew you'd like it!" You laughed a little with him, before dipping another fry in the mayo and popped it in your mouth. The two of you ate in silence, the sounds of the zamboni in the background.

"Why didn't you go out with the guys? You had a good game,"

He shrugged. "I wanted something quieter. Besides, I was hungry and the guys wanted to go out to a bar. Bar food isn't exactly a meal."

"Neither is french fries,"

"Well, maybe, you're just better company than the guys."

"Damn right, I am." You smiled, tapped his fry with yours in a makeshift sort of 'cheers' way. When the two of you had finished your snack, you picked up the container and threw it in the compost bin near the table. You grabbed your bag off the chair, holding up your car keys. He got up off the table, joining you in a slow walk towards the parking lot.

You wished the custodians a good night as the two of you left the arena, the street lights in the parking lot illuminating the way to your car. Silently, you unlocked the car and you both got in. You gave him your phone, telling him to pick any playlist he wanted while you started the car. He picked one of your favourite playlists, a mix of relaxing beats and soft music, which was perfect for late night drives.

"You should have some lo-fi on here, it's a lot like this. I think you'd like it," he said, after you had merged onto the highway.

"Yeah?" He only nodded, allowing a comfortable silence to come back to the car. The rest of the drive was easy, the road being mostly empty and the music filling the car. He gave you quiet directions to the house, more points and here's than actual directions but you were able to find it.

"Thank you for the ride," He said, once you’d put the car in park.

"Thanks for sharing your food with me,” He shook his head and smiled at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“I’ll always share with you.” You caught his gaze, his brown eyes filled with sincerity. You could feel your cheeks flush and you waved him out of your car.

“I gotta get home too, you know.” You joked and he got out, popping his head back into the doorway for a second.

“Text me when you get home, yeah?” You murmured an ‘of course’ and he nodded, closing the car door and making his way to his front door. You waited until he entered the house before you drove away, turning on a lo-fi playlist from Spotify.

***

“Your turn to pick the movie, but no subtitles please, I’m too lazy to read today.” You handed Tim the remote for his TV while you pulled the blanket closer to your chin. The October chill had settled in his apartment and you hadn’t dressed for his room to feel like the arena.

“Jimmy!” Someone called from the kitchen and a loud clang dissolved any annoyance Tim had from his roommate interrupting his time with you. He rushed to the kitchen and you followed behind shyly. There were platters across the kitchen island, each with a different coloured dish. It looked like there was a salad, a couple casserole dishes, and some plates of desserts. A taller brunette was standing in the kitchen, frantically gesturing between Tim and a pot on the stove. There was a lid on the ground, a splatter of pinkish red liquid surrounding it. You entered the kitchen, picked up the lid before placing it in the sink. The other guy was still explaining to Tim what exactly he wanted to do, even though his head was tilted like a confused puppy. You brushing him aside llightly, grabbing the spoon Tim was holding to stir the pinkish red liquid on the stove. You sent him a small smile back over your shoulder and all you could see in his eyes was relief.

“Thank you!” The oven beeped and you noticed an embroidered #9 on the roommate's Senator sweats. You moved to the side to allow him to get another baking dish from the oven. He placed it on the stovetop and took off his oven mitts. “Thank you for doing that. I didn’t think he’d be that helpless in the kitchen.”

“I’m surprised anyone in this house can actually cook,” You laughed. The liquid that smelled of oranges and cranberries started to boil, so you reduced the heat and continued to stir it. You look at the baking dish that he brought out of the oven. “Are those brussel sprouts?”

“Yeah! My mom’s recipe; they’re delicious! Do you like them?”

“They’re one of my favourites! My recipe uses bacon though.”

“Oh nice! You’ll have to share it with me, I’d love to try it. And, sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Josh,”

“I know.” He shot you a look and you backtracked. “I-Sorry, it’s just-I actually work with you? I’m in the analytics department, so I know your jersey number and I saw it on your sweats and put two and two together. I’m not being a creep, I’m sorry.” The sound of laughter behind you made you blush.

“Not being a creep my ass. They did the same thing when me and Jimmy ran into them for the first time!” Brady commented, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing a nice pair of dress pants and a button up shirt. You shook your head before nodding towards his attire.

“Going somewhere nice?” He looked down at his outfit and shook his head.

“It’s Thanksgiving? It’s why they gave us the day off?” That...that would explain the amount of food in the kitchen. No matter how many years you lived here, you’d always forgotten that Canadian Thanksgiving was a whole month earlier. You placed the stir spoon on a plate next to the pot and wiped your hands on your pants.

“Oh! Um, right, well, uh in that case, I should be, I should get going. You guys must have plans. Nice to meet you Josh.” You made your way out of the kitchen to the foyer where your coat and shoes were without so much as a goodbye to the guys. You could hear Tim coming after you, his steps lighter and more graceful than Brady or Josh’s. But, he didn’t make a move to do anything except stare at you as you got ready to leave. It wasn’t until you were getting ready to put on your shoes that he spoke.

“You should just stay. We’ve got lots of food.”

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude…”

“Brady’s bringing his girlfriend and a couple other of the guys are coming over. You wouldn’t be intruding.”

“I really shouldn’t…”

“You should. Why won’t you stay?”

“I don’t know if you have this holiday in Germany, but Thanksgiving is a family thing, Tim.” You sighed. “Besides, shouldn’t I have brought something? Am I even dressed okay?” You looked down at your outfit - a simple pair of jeans and one of your comfiest graphic tees. He shrugged.

“Don’t worry about that. You look great, just enjoy the night with me. Stay? Please? C’mon schatz, you’re like my family to me.” The two of you maintained eye contact until you broke it and took off your coat. You could see Tim’s smile widen and when it came to walking back into the kitchen, he extended his arm. You took it and the two of you made your way back towards what would end up being a wonderful evening full of laughs and smiles shared between friends.

***

You had come over for a trashy reality TV binge after a particularly hard day at work. None of the numbers were adding up the way you needed them to and your laptop was having a hissy-fit all day. Soon enough, you called it a day and texted Tim, telling him you’d be over in twenty minutes. He greeted you at the door with your favourite chocolate treat, a box of Timbits, and “there’s popcorn in the microwave right now, it’s almost done”. You could’ve melted right on the spot. Instead, you made your way over to the couch where you collapsed and pulled the blanket he had already set out for you up to your chin. You breathed in the smells of pine and sock tape and felt your body relax. HGTV played in the background while you waited for him to bring the popcorn out when his phone dinged.

“Tim, your phone!” You yelled to him from across the living room.

“Who is it?” You sighed and moved from your comfortable spot on the couch to check his messages. You turned on the phone to see a message from Josh, saying he’s five minutes away. You went to lock the phone, seeing the unimportance of the message but something caught your eye. You swiped to clear the notification and his background came into focus. It was the two of you standing in front of the Ottawa sign at ByWard market, his arm around your shoulders and a grin on both your faces.

“Who was it?” He entered the room as he repeated his question.

“Just Josh,” you whispered, turning around to face him holding up his phone. “Am I your lock screen?” He blushes, opening his mouth stammering for words. “I am! I knew I was important to you.” You poked him a couple times for an extra tease when his face settled into a small pout and he retaliated by tickling you. You shrieked and hopped up from the couch, laughing as he chased you around the house.

“Stop doing that!” He laughed as you escaped his clutches once more. Your laugh echoed through the house as he tried again to try to tickle you, but you grabbed Josh and used him as a human shield.

“No fair schatz,” He relented his tickling and sat on the couch. You took a seat beside him, but kept your distance in case he decided to start his torture again.

“You know, you’ve never told me what that means,” You look over to him and he’s already scratching the back of his neck.

“What what means?”

“That thing you keep calling me. Like shats?”

Josh laughed and spoke up. “It means swe-”

“Friend! It means friend!” Tim interrupted loudly, his cheeks rosy. “It means friend.” You raised your eyebrows at his outburst and his explanation.

“You call your friends, ‘friend’?”

He scratched at his jaw and slowly nodded. “In my city, it’s common for friends to just call each other ‘friend’. It’s normal,” You managed out a ‘okay’ between breathy laughs, wondering why he was being so strange about it. It was just a nickname. But the blush in his cheeks didn’t diminish until well after Josh left the room, muttering under his breath about ‘idiots’, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe it meant more than Tim was letting on.

***

“Are you going to be at the gala on Saturday?” Tim asked you as the two of you ate (lunch for you, pre-practice snack for him) on the concourse. It was your first concourse snack since the All-Star break and you had missed him. WhatsApp messages and Instagram messages just weren’t the same as being in his presence. You finished your bite, and shook your head.

“It’s only for players isn’t it?”

“Would you want to come with me?”

“Like...as a date?” You looked up at him, your eyes wide. Maybe this was the clue you were waiting for.

“As friends?” Your eyes darted down onto the counter and Tim took that as a sign you didn’t want to go with him. “There’ll be puppies there.”

“Well,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, “If there’s going to be puppies, I need no more convincing.” You forced a smile onto your face and he returned the sentiment, before finishing up the food. You wished him good luck before the game, and left to go the the box.

Soon enough, it was Saturday night and you found yourself in front of the Fairmont Château. You gazed up at the stone walls and admired how the orange glow from the lights gave it such a warm feeling, compared to the shivers that were going up and down your back. You had found time to go and get a fancy outfit for the night, its gold fabric being a perfect fit on your body. Tim had told you he’d meet you inside, so walked upt the steps alone, avoiding the other guests in fancy attire. They looked like they belonged here. You couldn't relate. The front entrance of the hotel was exactly as you expected -- it had marble floors, crown moldings, and a domed ceiling. You followed the chatter to one of the conference rooms, someone offering to check your coat. With just your clutch, you entered the ballroom with the sound of your shoes following you.

You looked around to try to find Tim among the executives, easily spotting him when you heard Brady’s booming laugh in the corner. You made your way over to the group, including Brady, Josh, Drake, Tim and some respective dates. Josh waved at you and Tim turned around to see you walking towards him.

Tim stood there, memorized by the way the Senators gold fabric hugged your figure and the way your eyes had lit up when you saw one of the puppies. You came over to him, brushing his arm before joining the group. Hellos were thrown your way and it wasn’t long before everyone went back to their conversations and you were able to speak with Tim.

“You look handsome." You handed him your clutch, which he held unashamedly, as you adjusted his gold bowtie, letting your hands linger on the front of his chest. You gulped before snapping out of your trance and took your clutch back from him.

“Um, uh, thanks. You look...good too,” His voice was breathy and his cheeks had flushed a little. You smiled at him, before noticing another golden retriever stumbling around next to its trainer and darting off to pet it. Tim watched you go and he stood back, blown away by the way his heart was beating faster and how he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.

“You finally figured it out, huh?” He turned around at Drake’s voice. He had recognized the look on Tim’s face, it was the same one he had when he looked at his partner. Tim furrowed his eyebrows.

“Figured what out?”

Drake scoffed and took a gulp of his drink. “God, you already know and you’re denying it. You’re in love with them.” Tim shook his head, waving off the thought. You were his best friend, nothing more. “C’mon man, you can keep lying to yourself but it’s obvious to everyone else.” He was then swept away by a reporter, leaving Tim to his thoughts.

He wasn’t in love with you. He was sure of it. You were his best friend, his safe spot. It’s not like when he sees you his heart beats faster or he notices how your eyes crinkle when you laugh or when the sun hits your skin just right, you look like an angel. It’s not like the more he looks at your lips the more he wants to know if they taste like your sweet honey lip chap. It’s not like your smile could cure his darkest days or that he could see himself introducing you to his family as his partner.

Except it was like that.

Tim saw all of that with you. He saw more galas, more late night drives, lazy Sunday mornings. He wanted to see you after his games, not in your office, but in the tunnel where you’d be wearing his jersey and a special jean jacket. He wanted to take you home to meet his family, his hometown friends. He wanted to show you all the places that were special to him, just as you showed his places special to you. He wanted to meet Dani and see if she thought he was good enough to be your partner. As he stared at you petting the small golden pup, he realized Drake was right. He was in love with you.

He was in love with his best friend.

Fuck, what was he supposed to do now?

You didn’t give him too much time to think about that as you came up behind him, telling him everything about the golden retriever you just met. He smiled at you, and motioned with his head to find your seats as dinner was going to be served soon. You sat next to him, your leg brushing against his under the table. Even from that, he got shocks-- tiny lightning bolts trailing up his body. It was like every sense was heightened after he came to the realization that he loved you. How am I supposed to even act around them? He thought.

The meal passed without issue and while Tim went about schmoozing all the executives and donors, you stick with the other halves. You had already met Emma, Brady’s partner, and she introduced you to Dakota, Briar, and Marissa (she had also told you who they came with but that information had not stuck with you).

“Sooo… Emma, how’s the wedding planning going?” Briar asked. She had gotten engaged over the holiday break. She laughed and waved off the question.

“Oh, not at all! We’re just enjoying being engaged, it’s like the honeymoon phase all over again,”

“Just like you and Tim,” Dakota nudged you and wiggled her eyebrows. You coughed on your drink at her statement.

“What?” You managed to sputter. Emma looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. “What do you mean, like me and Tim?”

“Oh come on, it’s so obvious the two of you are in your honeymoon phase! Don’t be ashamed of it, you’re such a cute couple!”

“Ooh yes!! How his bowtie matched your outfit is like goals, I wish my boyfriend did that with me,” Marissa mentioned. Your voice felt caught in your throat and you were instantly aware of the breeze in the room and the sweat on the back of your neck.

“We’re just friends,” Your voice was small.

“I’ll believe that when pigs fly, babe. Oh, look, here comes your man.” Dakota winked at you before turning into her own date. You turn around quickly to see him walking over to you, laughing with Brady and Josh. Normally, the sight of him would calm you down. He was such a genuine person and you appreciated how you never had to shrink yourself to fit in with him. But with the girls’ comments, you suddenly couldn’t be around him. When his hand met the small of your back, you flinched before relaxing into his touch. It was just Tim, your Tim. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

“Timmy, I was just telling Y/n what a cute couple you two are!”

“Well, what do they say? Oh right, they complete me,” He sent you a wink and pulled you closer to his side. You went stiff in his hold, and he noticed, instantly letting you out of his grip. You muttered out an excuse about work and said quick goodbyes to the group before you were out of the gala as fast as your shoes could allow. Your cheeks were hot with...embarrassment? No, that wasn’t quite it. But they were hot, and the room felt small with Dakota’s teasing so just needed to escape. You needed to have fresh air in your lungs, needed to feel the cool Ottawa air on your arms. Needed to be somewhere other than beside him and his light teasing that left your stomach in knots.

But you hadn't even reached the front door and grabbed your coat from the coat check when Tim caught up to you. He watched you try to put on your coat, as he rocked back and forth on his heels like that first day you met.

“Do you… do you actually have work in the morning or were you just saying that?” You looked up and met his eyes, the orbs holding a certain vulnerability you hadn’t seen before.

“I got called at the last minute. I forgot to tell you, Jody’s kid got sick so I’m covering the game on Sunday but I haven’t prepared my notes or anything and you know me, I’ve got to be prepared or I won’t make a coherent analysis and then I’m really in trouble-” Tim cut your rambling off with a murmur of your name and you slowed your frantic movements to look at him.

“We’re okay, right?”

You smiled at him before you walked out the glass door. “Yeah, we’re alright.”

***

Last night was confusing to say the least. You could still feel the heat in your cheeks from...embarrassment? No, it wasn’t that. It was more like you couldn’t stand around to see what he meant by his comment. You couldn’t stand around why everyone else say you as a couple when you knew you weren’t. But you were okay with not being a couple weren’t you?

It’s like not you liked him that way. Yeah, a simple smile from him could turn your day around and your concourse snacks were the highlight of your week. But that’s because he was your best friend. It’s not like you wanted to spend every morning waking up to him or spend your afternoons running your fingers through his hair. It’s not like you wanted to take him back to Seattle to meet Dani or how you wanted to wear his jersey to call him yours. It’s not like you daydreamed about him gently holding your hand as you walked through ByWard market or how soft his lips would be as he leaned in to kiss you or what his abs felt like without a shirt separating your fingers from his skin.

Except it was like that.

And then came the comment at the gala. Did that mean he liked you too? But he said you were just going as friends. Did he mean it platonically? What if you read things wrong? Fuck, why were feelings so complicated?

Dani, you needed to call Dani. She’d know what to make of all this. She picked up on the fourth ring. “Thanks for calling Books By The Ocean, may you please hold?”

“Dani, it’s me.” Hold music filled your ear and you rolled your eyes. A few minutes later, there was almost certainly a hole in your rug from your pacing and she finally picked up.

“Why’d you resort to calling the store? I would’ve answered my phone eventually,”

“Yeah, eventually. I just really need to talk to you now,”

“Okay, so what’s up?”

“There’s this guy…”

“Is it Tim? Please tell me it’s Tim.” When you didn’t answer, she rejoined before reeling it in and telling you to continue.

“Anyways...we’re pretty good friends, I've known him since like the start of the season, and I don’t know, like I think he likes me? And I mean, I like him, he’s really great but, like, I just-”

“Can you get to the point please?”

“I want to take the next step with him. I want to be more than friends with him. I want all those things but… I just seem frozen. Like when I think about telling him, my body feels like it won’t move. It feels like I’m underwater. But I want to do more with him. I want that. Why won’t my brain get that and let me… I don’t know, let me act on my feelings?”

“You’re protecting yourself. You’ve never got hurt before,” You scoffed at her statement.

“What do you mean, of course I have,”

“Okay, sure, when you scraped your knee or when Nancy Peters called you dumb in second grade but you haven’t got hurt before. You haven’t opened yourself up to someone and let someone into your heart and let them see you for who you are.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but that’s because they might not like what they see,”

She sighed. “You can’t go through life with your walls up, kiddo. It’s hard, but you have to trust yourself. You have to let yourself feel. You have to let people in. When we were little and moved around a lot, maybe it was a survival tactic. But you’ve been in Ottawa for close to five years now and have unpacked all your boxes? Have you had any friends over? You’ve put down roots there but you’re still holding onto a survival tactic when you need to be living, not just surviving.

“I let people in--”

“No. You don’t. Has Tim ever been in your apartment? Has he seen that even though you resent Mom, you still have family photos of the four of us in your living room? Does he know about Dad? You might have told him stuff but you’re still living behind walls.” She sighed.

“Look, I don’t mean to be hard on you, but I want to see you thrive kiddo. I want you to experience life, and yeah, hurt is a part of life. You aren’t doing life right if you come out unscathed. And sure, maybe he’s a great friend. But in some instances, that romantic partner can fill a more emotionally secure place. People usually place more trust in their partner than just a friend. You’ve got to open up to him more than you already have if you want more from him.”

“How do I do that?”

“You’ve got to figure that out on your own kiddo, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to him. Honestly; no hiding behind your friendship.” You nodded to her advice, before realizing she couldn’t see you, and thanked her for her help. She hung up with the promise to chat again on Wednesday like you normally did. You threw your phone beside the sink and leaned your head against the cool counter.

Be honest with him

Okay, you could do that. Easy enough right? You just had to make a plan to tell him. You could do that.

***

You were walking through the halls close to the bench to deliver your latest stats to the coach. It was your job after the other analysts determined you “had the youngest feet” and could go scouring around to find the coach. You didn’t mind. Besides… if you just happened to bump into Tim while you were down here, well then that was a completely unplanned coincidence. Since the gala and your chat with Dani afterwards, you were feeling good about where you stood with Tim. And you’d made your plan. After the game, you’d meet up for after-game snacks like most home games and you had told yourself you’d talk to him then.

You had given the latest report to the coach on the bench, walking past the locker room towards the box when you heard Tim's voice.

“...I don’t know man, I just need a break from Y/n.” You stopped in your tracks. It wasn’t that you meant to be nosy, but at the mention of your name… you wanted to see what else he had to say. You hadn’t meant to smother him but you guess he saw it differently. Your shoulders dropped and you bit your lip.

“I only have a problem around them!” You could feel the breakfast in your stomach start to turn, the feeling of bile starting to rise up. A ringing started to fill your ears, the white static noise only being pieced by his once comforting voice.

“It’s just… We work together, you know? It’s awkward,” Where was this attitude when you were hanging out at the start of the season? Last week? If this is how he felt, why didn’t… what did he mean by his comment to Dakota?

His voice shook you out of your trance. “Like at the end of the day, I’m me… they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re...them.” At that, you rushed away from earshot. If that was how he really felt, then screw him. If he was the hockey star and you were just the analyst, then that’s what role you’d play. Nothing more, nothing less. And he wasn’t brave enough to say that to your face, you’d say it first.

This is why you didn’t open yourself up. If you were going to get hurt either way, it might as well be the least damaging option.

Over the next few games and practices, you kept your distance from the players. You avoided the bench, sending Jody to give reports to the coach. You kept your office door closed, the blinds closed, and you made sure to time your exits of the arena to avoid Tim. If avoiding him meant you avoided the inevitable conversation where he would tell you your flaws and point out every way you misread things, then you would do that.

After you heard that, you stopped going out of your way to pass by the boys in the arena. You went into your office, closed the door, and didn’t leave until you went home. When you had to sit in the stands for practices, you sat higher than you used to and ignored the waves and stared you got from the team. He sent the occasional text but you replied with an im busy too many times that he stopped trying. It was odd to you how he kept reaching out when he was the one who said he needed a break but you ignored that voice in your head.

It was a Friday when he finally confronted you. You had been so close to leaving the arena, just one more hallway, and you would’ve been out the door and into the parking lot. He had called your name and you tried to turn the corner without him but he caught up easily, grabbing your wrist to get you to stay.

“What’s up? It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever,” He let go of your wrist as you turned to face him.

“Well that’s what happens when you’re a bigshot NHL player and I’m a lowly analyst.” He squinted his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows at your statement.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t-- I don’t think we should be friends anymore,”

He slowly nodded, thinking your words over in his head. “Okay. Um...I think… yeah, that could be good. I don’t think we should be just friends either.” He shot you a shy smile with a spark of hope in his eyes but you frowned.

“Good. It’s settled then.” You turned on your heel and walked away from him, only wiping your teary eye once you had rounded the corner, refusing to let him see you cry. You missed the way he frowned as you retreated.

The weekend was spent in bed, repeat episodes of Loki playing in the background. Loki never hurt you the way Tim had, the way his words dug into your insecurities of being alone creating a wound like no other. You had turned your phone off earlier as it kept buzzing with messages from him. You didn’t want to hear his excuses of why and you didn’t want to explain that you’d overheard his conversation. But the season wasn’t over yet so you gave yourself two days to grieve. When Monday morning came, it was like nothing had ever happened.

Tim caught you in the main entrance way at the rink. It was close to 8am and you knew he didn’t have practice until 11, so it was obvious he was waiting for you. You walk right past him until he softly calls your name and you stop walking, but don’t turn around. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“You know why.” You whipped around and scoffed at him. “And you know what else? If you had a problem with me, you could’ve just said something. You didn’t have to keep hanging out with me.”

“What?”

“I think we should just keep this professional, 18. I’m nothing more than a background analyst to your hockey superstar, so let’s just stick to our jobs, yeah?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We work together, we shouldn’t be friends, you said it yourself. It’ll be better this way. Now, please, just leave me alone.” You brushed by him, bumping your shoulder with his, and you missed the way his jaw fell open at how quickly your relationship seemed to change.

He seemed to leave you alone after that. He didn’t check in and he didn’t send funny memes he found. He didn’t text you to tell you he landed safely on road trips and you didn’t congratulate him on a game well played. You could tell Brady and Josh thought it was weird but didn’t say anything, just gave you pitying looks when you passed by or caught their eye in the halls.

The Senators failed to clinch a playoff spot, thanks to an overtime loss to Winnipeg. The end of the season for you was nice. It meant a shift in your work to more prospects, and thankfully, a more flexible work schedule. You didn’t have to go into the arena and most of the players went back to their hometowns to visit. It was supposed to be a reprieve for you, knowing Tim wasn’t even in the country. It was supposed to be relaxing, going to all the places that had helped you in the past to regroup your thoughts.

But instead, it felt suffocating, strolling through the market. You’d been here thousands of times to clear your head, but this time the deeper you walked, the more the thoughts in your head swirled into a hurricane.

You’d never know what home felt like. You’d had friends tell you it’s having like extended family over around the holidays or it’s the peacefulness they felt at their lake house. You thought you had found it in Ottawa, its quaintness and history bringing you a sense of calm you hadn’t had before. But only with Tim did you feel that inner peace that home felt like. Only with Tim did you feel like you could take on the world. Only with Tim did you feel whole.

And that was scary.

Feeling like one person could complete you, like they had a piece of your heart you didn’t know you gave them, was scary. You were used to being on your own. You’d done it throughout your levels of schooling and throughout the beginnings of your career. And all it took for that strength to come crashing down was a bashfully confident German hockey player.

He couldn’t even tell you why. It would’ve hurt more to hear the exact reasons why you weren’t good enough for him, but it would have quelled your mind from picking on every single insecurity your mind could come up with.

Before you knew it, you were staring at the Ottawa sign. You glanced around to see couples waiting for their turn at the sign. Some of the guys had their arms around the shoulders’ of their girlfriends. Some of the girls had their hands clasped in their girlfriends’. Some people had their arms around the waist of their partner. But they all had a smile on their face, a fondness that was reserved for the love of their life.

Your eye caught the sight of a backwards Senators cap and your head whipped around. The person was tall and was wearing a grey hoodie. The man turned to the side and you caught a glance of the brown tufts of hair that stuck out of the cap. He threw his head back and the corners of your mouth turned up. Tim’s laugh was always infectious, even if you were upset with him.

But it wasn’t him.

He hadn’t reached out since the day in the hallway. As much as you knew you didn’t want to hear him say things more hurtful than what you overheard, you couldn’t help but wonder where you went wrong. The what-ifs tumbled around in your head, the possibilities of why suddenly your friendship was too much for him.

As you stood there in the market, the memories racing through your mind mixed with images of happy couples all around you, you knew you had to get out. You don’t really remember the rush of leaving, all you know is that the city that felt big for so many years now felt too small. You can’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, his smile, his laugh. How his eyes glimmer from the light of a movie. You drove yourself to the airport, knowing there wasn’t going to be a cab this early in the morning.

Before you knew it, you were standing outside of the familiar blue painted bookstore with your duffle bag in your hands. It was raining and overcast in Seattle, which wasn’t unusual, but even the fat teardrops felt melancholic. The sign in the window said closed, but you knew Dani would be in the back, organizing new stock. You knocked on the window, the sound rattling through the worn building. A few seconds later, her head of light pink hair came to the door, opening it. Before she could question your presence, you spoke.

“He didn’t want me,” you cried. “He didn’t even see all of me and he didn’t want me.” You dropped your bag as she pulled you into a hug. One hand cradled the back of your head as she pulled you out of the rain and into the store. You inhaled her scent, a mix of sea salt and the old bookstore, and squeezed her tightly. When she released you from the hug, she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, her fingers grazing down your jaw. She gave you a soft smile, before walking to the back of the store, where her apartment was. Your shoes squeaked against the old hardwood floors as you followed her towards the kitchen, where you could smell a pot of tea brewing.

She was silent as she poured you a cup, kissed your head, before whispering everything was going to work out. She slipped out of the room, giving you your space.

You didn’t even have to ask. Dani let you stay with her for the summer, as long as you helped out around the store when you weren’t doing your own work. She didn’t push you for details about Tim, she just let you be. You tried your best to be cheery around the customers but that facade only lasted so long. When you were alone, you didn’t try to hide the emptiness you felt there.

***

Too soon did the days start to get shorter, the nights colder, the pitter-patter of raindrops became more constant which meant fall was coming. The season was starting up again, and you had to head back to Ottawa. This summer at home was a nice break but you knew that running away wasn’t going to solve all your problems. You were packing when a text from Josh came in.

So when are you getting in?

i land at 9pm on the 20th. Why?

Can’t I wonder when my friend gets into the city?

we’re friends?

Of course we are Numbers! I don’t share family recipes with just anyone :)

good to know thanks :)

You continued packing, thinking about what he said. You knew the two of you were friends, but he was Tim’s teammate. His roommate. To hear him say, regardless of where you and Tim stand, that you two were still good was a relief. As much as you’ve enjoyed your time away from the city, you missed work. You missed sitting in the arena, a brisk chill over your shoulder, the sounds of scraping ice and whistles. You missed the quaintness of Ottawa and, as much as he’d never let you forget it, you missed Josh’s cooking. Nights with Dani didn’t compare to nights with Brady (and sometimes Emma) and Josh.

Dani parked in the loading zone of the airport. She got out of the car to help with your bag, even though you had only brought one.

“Hey, listen, um. I know you don’t want to talk about what happened with Tim but… I think you need to talk to him.”

“Dani...”

“No, listen. I think you need some closure. You ran away from a city you haven’t left in five years, a city you so obviously love, because it hurt to think about him. Maybe closure means you talk to him. Maybe it doesn’t. But you’ve spent this whole summer looking lost, like you’re waiting for something to magically appear and make everything better. You look like you’ve lost a piece of yourself and you don’t know how to get it back. And that’s not you, kiddo. It’s never been you; you’ve always been so straightforward and sure of yourself. I want you to feel like yourself again, that’s all.”

“What if…” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “What if the piece of me that I lost isn’t something I can get back?”

“Then you fill it. It might not be perfect and maybe you need lots of tape, and maybe you accept that there will be small cracks in it, but those holes make your souls yours. It��s a part of life, and you can’t avoid it no matter how hard you try.” You pulled her in for a hug, some of the tears in your eyes dropping onto her shoulder.

“Thank you Dani. For everything.” She pulled back to wipe the tears from your face, a smile on her face.

“You know I’m always here for you, kiddo. Take care of yourself, okay?” You nodded, knowing if you spoke again, more tears would bubble over. You walked towards the departures gate, walking towards the reality you ran from.

Several hours later, you were happy to be back in Ottawa. You had missed it, as much as it pained you when you were here. Tim Hortons, bilingual signs, friendly smiles, and oh god you could have real poutine again. Yeah, it was nice to be back.

Dani’s words mulled over in your head throughout the flight, and continued to as you made your way through the airport. She was right, maybe you needed closure. Accept what happened and move on. You’d lost friends when you graduated early, you’d lost friends when you moved away. You’d lost friends before and this was no different.

Except you knew deep down it was different. It was Tim; it was always going to be different with him.

You shook your head, as if to physically rid yourself of the thought. If Tim didn’t want to be around you, then you weren’t going to waste your time waiting for him to show up. You’d suck it up everything you had to look at a stat, but other than that you’d focus on work, focus on proving yourself in the company. You started to walk towards where you’d parked your car (without wondering how much the parking was), ignoring the happy reunions of students and families. You had been perfectly fine being in Ottawa on your own until you realized how much better it could be when you had someone.

A hand grasped your wrist and instantly, you turned around and ripped your arm from the stranger. You looked up, first to see a bouquet of flowers made up of peach roses, white tulips, and hydrangeas. Behind the colours of the flowers, you see a familiar face, eyes full of sorrow and hope. Even when you were ignoring him, he was still so easy to read.

“Number 18.” You struggled to keep your voice even, but you lifted your head to appear as if he had no effect on him.

“Hi Y/n,” He met your eyes, which you quickly darted away. “These are for you.” He tried to hand the bouquet to you, but you shook your head.

“How did you know when I got in?” The coldness in your voice surprised Tim, but he didn’t show it, swallowing slowly before answering you.

“Josh told me." You folded your arms, your hands gripping your bag in case you needed to get away from this conversation.

“Josh mentioned it or you asked Josh?” When he didn’t answer, you knew it was the latter and scoffed at his sneaky actions. You quickly turned away from him and moved faster towards the exit. You heard him sigh from behind you and before you could make a sly comment about it beneath your breath, he was ahead of you, blocking your way. You tried to side-step him, but hockey reflexes prevailed. You glared his way and tried again, silently begging him to move.

“C’mon, you have to talk to me sometime, we work together,” He commented.

“That’s exactly it. We work together. You’re the high and mighty NHL superstar and I’m the nerdy analyst. We have our places. They don’t mix, so really I don’t have to work with you at all. So, please, if you could just move, I have nothing else to say to you.” You tried once more to step around him, but he lightly grabbed your forearm to stop you.

“But I have stuff to say to you.”

“You had months to say it, so I’ll say it again, please let me by.” Suddenly, he was on his knees in the airport, the flowers still outstretched in his hands.

“Y/n,”

“What are you doing?” You hiss to him, your face darting around to see people starting to stare at Tim’s grand gesture.

“I need you to talk to me, and you won’t, so I’ll beg until you agree to hear me out,” You could feel more people staring, the shutter of camera phones, the eyes of everyone in the Ottawa airport (or what felt like it) easily making up your mind. There was a reason you were an analyst, away from the spotlight, doing your work behind the scenes.

“Get up,” you started to pull on his arm, but he just stayed anchored to the ground.

“You’ll talk to me?”

“18, I will do anything as long as you stop making a scene,” At this point, your cheeks felt as if you’d stood under the beating sun for an hour. He got up from his knees, the flowers still outstretched in his hands, and you let go of his arm. You grabbed the flowers from his arms, dropping them in a garbage bin as you stalked out of the airport. Tim caught up to you and walked by your side.

You said nothing as you reached your car, unlocking the doors. You didn’t even wait for him to have his seatbelt on before you were backing out of the stall and driving away. Thoughts were running wild in your head; you were angry and embarrassed at the stunt he pulled at the airport, appalled at the audacity he had to show up after what he said, and last of all you were reluctantly happy to be back in his presence again. So you went to the one place you knew you could think.

You put the car in park overlooking the suburbs. You turned it off and rested your arms on the steering wheel. You couldn’t make the effort to get out and walk to the lookout spot, the car creating a safe bubble for your thoughts.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” His soft voice broke the tense silence in the car and you scoffed.

“We’re not friends anymore. You’re the Senators star player and I’m just the nerdy analyst. There’s no reason for me to need to talk to you.”

“See, you keep saying that but I-I don’t get it! What does that even mean?” You furrow your eyebrows as you turn to face him, his own face scrunched up and his eyes hard.

“What do you mean you don’t get it? You said that! The last game against Montréal? I was walking past the locker room and… I overheard you talking with the guys.” You looked down to your lap, findling with your hands. You briefly saw Tim’s hand start to move towards you, but you shook your head and it stayed in his lap. “You said you needed a break from me. You said that ‘at the end of the day they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re.. them’. You said you had a problem with me. What was I supposed to take from that except that you didn’t want me to be in your life?”

He stammered for words but you cut him off. “No, I don’t think you understand how much it hurt. Hurt to have the one person who I thought understood me to talk behind my back about how I wasn’t enough for them. It hurt to know that the one person who I always wanted to talk to, didn’t want to talk to me. Hurt to think that you’ve only ever seen me as just some nerdy analyst who has no place in your life. I had been fine before, without you in my life, but then you came in and knocked down every barrier I ever had. And then left as if you didn’t just break my life into pieces!

“I left Ottawa because it hurt too much to go to all my favourite places, because I went there with you. I let you into my safe spaces, and when you left, you shattered that security. You tainted all the good I had there. I thought that Ottawa was home before I met you,” you scoffed. “Not even close. You feel like home to me. And for you to say that I was a problem in your life?” You shook your head at him and looked down at your hands. “I tried to get over it, believe me I did. But every single place I went I was reminded of you… and how everything we had didn’t feel like a big deal to you.”

“I never meant for that to happen.” His voice was quiet and strained, as if he was trying to keep his emotions within him.

“You know the hardest part? I didn’t just have to get over losing my best friend. I had to get over someone I fell in love with! I lost the single most important relationship with one tiny little passing conversation. And you acted like nothing happened! Like we were still friends, like you still cared for me-”

“Ich liebe dich du trottel!” His outburst caught you off guard and you gulped. His heavy breathing was the only sound in the car as you whispered.

“You know I don’t speak German…”

“You don’t need to know German to know what I said,” His eyes were hard, a look you had only seen during games.

“Oh.” You shook your head and looked at him. “Wait what?”

“I didn’t say those things you think I did! You didn’t listen to the whole thing! Brady was teasing me about me saying I don’t have a problem talking to people I like and I don’t normally but you’re the exception! I needed a break from you because everytime I see you, my heart starts beating faster and my hands get sweaty and I don’t know how to act! And the guys said that sounds like I’m in love with you-- and I am! I am! But when I finally started to do something about it, you ran away from me! I didn’t know what to do. Besides, if I fell in love with you...it could mess with our jobs. Because if for any reason, something happens, they’d fire you before they’d ever trade me. And you’ve worked too hard to have an opportunity like this be taken away from you because of me. So... I didn’t know what to do. And then you just kept ignoring me and saying those things about how you’re just a nerdy analyst…. It felt like we weren’t on the same page anymore and I didn’t know where it came from or what to do either so I tried to give you space. But then you shut me out. And you said we shouldn’t be friends. So I thought that meant.... you wanted to be more than friends? And the boys were saying that you being mean to me was just you having a hard time having feelings for me but then you… uh, yelled at me so I left you alone. But that doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about you.” He placed one of his hands on top of your tentatively, giving you the option to shoo his hand away. When you didn’t, he rubbed the skin on top of your hand. “It never meant I stopped caring about you.”

He sighed. “I guess I see now that I should not have given you space. I should’ve been better for you because that’s what you deserve.”

“I could’ve been better too, this isn’t all your fault. I said some mean things.”

“I promise you, that when we’re together I’m not a NHL player. I’m just me… just Tim from Germany who likes hockey. You have always seen me for who I am, and that’s...that’s something I love about you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. Love… was a big word. Love was for confident people. Love was for those who didn’t understand the weight of that four letter word. Love wasn’t a word you threw around. Love was scary. It asked you to place your bandaged heart in someone else’s hands and hope they didn’t drop it, shattering the pieces into smithereens. Love meant letting down those walls that time and time again had proved that needed to stay up. To protect you. To avoid the heartache of broken trust.

And here he was, throwing that word around as if the implications didn’t matter. As if he didn’t leave. As if he didn’t call you a problem. As if he didn’t know the months you spent trying to forget him and the fragments he left behind.

As if he still wasn’t understanding.

“I… I can’t do this.” You go to open the car door only for it to lock. You gasp, and you whip your head around, your eyes sharp. “This is my car, you can’t do that!” His eyes went wide and you tried again, only for it to be locked again. You gritted your teeth and he spoke before you could reprimand him again.

“Don’t shut me out again! You say you can’t do this, okay, but tell me why. We’re supposed to-to talk to each other! We would’ve had no mess if you had just talked to me after you heard what I said! So.. talk to me,” You met his soft eyes, your resolve breaking with just one look. “Please, schatz.”

You slowly pulled your hand off the handle, letting it fall into your lap. You picked at your fingernails while trying to compose your thoughts, Tim’s concerned eyes never leaving you. He murmured your name and you took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

“I’m sorry I just- I don’t know if I can jump back into where we were. I know that… it’s different than I thought but I can’t-” you cut yourself off before you said something you regret and a cold chill ran through you. “It still hurts. I can’t just unhear those things you said. Especially when they came from you. So, I’m going to need time to process everything.”

He placed one of his hands over your fidgeting fingers and you lifted your head to meet his soft eyes. “I’ll give you some space. Just let me know when you know, yeah?” Before you could nod your head, he had opened his door and got out of your vehicle. You quickly got out to question him.

“What are you doing?” He turns around at the sound of your voice.

“I’m… I’m giving you space?”

“How are you planning to get home? Uber?” He shrugged before nodding, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Uh, no. No. Get in.” He raised his eyebrows and you sighed. “It’s almost 11pm, we’re in a dark forestry area, and you are the least threatening person I know. I’m not going to let you get stabbed by some murder psycho; you still mean something to me, you know.”

At that he came over to the car, and the two of you got settled back into your seats. After you buckled up and started the engine, Tim broke his silence.

“Did you mean that? That I still mean something to you?”

You swallowed slowly and took a while to answer his question, your hand resting on the gear shift. You put the car in reverse, and looked over at him. “You’re always going to mean something to me. Just what exactly you are changes.” You backed out of the parking lot and started the drive to his place. He was quiet for a few minutes, pondering your answer, but when he spoke his voice had the quiet confidence he always carried around with him.

“Can I ask what I am right now?” Streetlights illuminated his face and out of the corner of your eye you see him slightly turned towards you, his face unsure.

“No. I’ll keep you updated?”

“Good enough.”

The rest of the drive back to his house was quiet, aside from the lo-fi beats you had playing in the background. Despite the tension, the drive felt comfortable. When you parked in front of his house, he cleared his throat.

“Um, thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around I guess,” He unbuckled his seat belt and placed his hand on the handle.

“Goodnight Tim.” Despite your smile, Tim really hoped your goodnight didn’t also mean goodbye. He got out of your car, walked up the steps to his door, unlocked it and gave you a small wave before he went inside.

Tim was true to his word. He gave you space. He didn’t go back to the lookout spot or the war memorial, knowing those were your sanctuaries before they were his. He didn’t ask for updates, he didn’t stop by your office, he didn’t ask Josh how you were doing.

And you appreciated it. The time and space left you alone with your thoughts and you often visited the lookout spot or the war memorial, trying to find some peace, but those spots were now shared with Tim. So, for the first time in a long time, you spent time in your apartment.

When you moved in, you hadn’t done anything to the place. Spaces were temporary in your experience. It was more hassle than it was worth to try to make the space your own if, in a year everything was a clean slate. But Dani was right. It had been close to six years now since you moved in. Six years. You had a stable job, you had friends here, it was time to accept that maybe this was more than temporary.

You started by unpacking the last few boxes that were stacked in the hallway. You replaced the command hooks hanging your picture frames with nails. You got new paint to liven up the living room from the basic beige it was before. You put the work into making your apartment really yours. You had to stop living behind walls and this was a first step.

The next step was to really open up.

***

You were waiting outside the dressing room for Tim to get out. You came down as soon as practice finished so you knew you wouldn’t miss him. You leaned against the cool concrete, trying to control your bouncing leg. He was one of the last out of the dressing room and you shyly smiled at the other players who left. When he came out, you popped off from the wall and stood in front of him.

“Do you still want to know why I picked hockey?” You could tell your question caught him off guard but he nodded nonetheless. “You had asked and I brushed it off...because it hurt to think about. Because it was my dad...He loved hockey. Everywhere we went, there was a team he could cheer for, but he always wished that his hometown team would win, no matter how bad they were. He took me to a game once. I had asked why he liked it so much, it was cold and loud and people were drunk and I’m pretty sure our team was losing. We were down in the crowd and he said to me, ‘Hockey is this great sport. It connects people. It creates families right before your eyes. Enemies can become teammates. This...this sport can be a family for you, anywhere you go. I hope one day you can find something that does the same thing for you.’ Two weeks later, he had a heart attack. So, I held onto the one thing that he found belonging in. I liked my math, it made sense, and I’m good at it. But when it came to doing something with my life, I just- I wanted something to make my dad proud of me, you know? I wanted to feel connected to him.”

Tim was silent but he pulled you into a hug, your head going into the crook of his neck. His arms went around your waist and he held you for a minute. “Your dad would be proud of you. I know he would. Why’d you tell me now though?”

“Well, friends share personal stuff, right?” You pulled away from the hug just enough to catch his eyes. You looked up at him hopefully, and he smiled.

“Yeah, they do.” He broke the hug, but kept an arm slung over your shoulder. “C’mon, friends also eat brussel sprouts for each other.” You laughed at his distaste for them and the two of you walked out the parking lot together, his arm still slung around your shoulders.

***

You looked up at the ceiling, your bedsheets twisted beside you. It had been about two weeks since you told Tim about your dad, and since then, the two of you had been exchanging texts daily. It felt familiar, even though both of you knew it was different. Not a bad different, just… different. You’d been over to his place a couple times and he came over for your place for a ‘welcome back’ dinner.

You were nervous to show him your apartment, but you knew you had grown into the space. It was no longer generic beige walls and command strips. The living room had an accent wall and you put nails in the wall to hang your family photos in the hallway. Tim took his time looking around your space, spending extra time in the hallway. He stopped in front of the picture of your family, all four of you, and smiled.

“My parents are coming into town when we play the Caps in December, if you want to meet them?” He had said when you sat down to eat. You sputtered your drink a little and set down the glass.

“Only if...you meet Dani when we go to Seattle in January?” His face broke into a grin and he nodded.

“I’d love that.” The rest of the dinner had no issues, just two friends catching up and getting familiar with each other again.

But he wanted you to meet his parents. He wanted you to meet the people who raised him, his family. And you didn’t have any hesitations. You wanted to meet the people who made Tim who he is.

This past week solidified that you knew what you wanted. You wanted to meet Tim’s family, you wanted to show him around Seattle, you wanted to be with him. If he still wanted to be with you.

If.

He had been pretty clear where he stood on his feelings, but the voice in the back of your mind taunted you with that one tiny two letter word. He might have seen how you reacted, how unstable you were, and how you weren’t ready to jump into things as a sign you didn’t want this. He could’ve taken your steps to being friends again as being just friends again. He could’ve-

You weren’t going to wait around to let what-if’s and might of’s and could’ve’s waft around in your head. You needed to talk to him, needed to see him. So in your pajama pants and a hoodie, you braved the Canadian night and drive to his house. You parked the car, rather haphazardly, but it could wait. You skipped a step walking up to his door and quickly phoned him.

You paced back and forth on the small porch as the phone rang three times before he picked up.

“Hallo?” His accent was thicker in his native language, the harsh constants sounding so soft from his lips.

“Can you come open the door?”

“What?”

“I’m outside. Can you open the door?”

“What? It’s like...early,”

A sigh escapes you. “Tim. I know. I know now.”

“Well if you looked at a clock before you left your place, you would’ve known earlier. That would’ve-”

“Tim.” You gulped and your voice trembled slightly. “I’m ready. I know what I want.” The tone of your voice dropped its lightheartedness and that alone was enough to shake the sleep from his mind. But your words? More than enough to get him out of bed and racing (as quietly as he could in the dark) towards you.

He opened the front door in his sleep joggers to see you pacing and shaking your arms. You hadn’t noticed him yet, so he took the opportunity to admire you. The way your hair fell, your Senator pajama pants that Brady gave you as a gag gift, the way you bit your lip between your teeth.

“Hey.” His voice broke you out of your trance, your head whipping around to see him standing in the doorframe.

“Hi.” Your voice was quiet, the nerves getting the best of you. You stood there for a while, just looking at each other. His hair was a mess and he was wearing the grey hoodie you knew for a fact was his favourite. “Oh, right, I have to go first. Um...Are- are you still sure about your feelings for me?” He nodded. “And-and they’re for sure, good feelings?”

“… They’re such good feelings.” You nodded and gave your body another shake through, as if to dissipate the nerves racing throughout your veins.

“I know it’s taken me a while to kinda sort everything out but… I like you too. That’s why hearing those things hurt so much. That’s why I had to take some time. I've been alone for most of my life and it was scary to let someone in so easily, unknowingly. You just waltzed in and made yourself at home in my heart and it felt like you belonged so I… I didn’t even realize you could hurt me. And when I heard those things, it hurt more. It just solidified that I should’ve stayed alone. You can’t get hurt if there’s no one to hurt you right? But every talk, every late night drive, everything we had...it was worth all the hurt. So I’m ready. I want to do this with you, even if it hurts. I don’t know if I can do life without you.” He pushed himself off of the doorframe and came to stand in front of you, his hand cupping your cheeks, soothing the skin under your eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you and I don’t plan on doing it ever again, Y/n, you have to know that.” You nodded against his hands and you could feel some of his tension fade from his body. “Does this mean… we could be more than friends?”

“I want to be much more than friends with you, Tim.” You bit your lip to try to stop your smile from growing so wide, but it broke through when you saw how wide his smile was and how his eyes crinkled with joy.

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?” He asked softly, already leaning in. He left space between the two of you so you could decide but you easily leaned into him, your lips meeting. It was gentle but it was loving. You moved in sync, Tim’s hand moving to the back of your head to push you closer to him. Eventually, you pulled away for air.

“Schatz…” He breathed and you laughed lightly.

“You know, I don't think you've told me what that really means,” You said with a cheeky smile.

“Would you like me to say it in English, sweetheart?” He brushed his nose with yours.

“Hmm, German is fine,” You tilted your head upwards, almost brushing your lips with his. With your teasing, he let out a groan, bringing you in for another kiss. This time he broke for air, his eyes still slightly closed.

“You know, you cured my homesickness. I never felt like I missed home because I found home in you,” He whispered. Your heart melted and you brought your lips together with a passion he hadn’t seen from you before. Your hands tangled in his hair and he chased your lips as if it was a breakaway. When you broke for air, the two of you were breathless.

“As much as I want to keep doing that, it’s also very early and I am tired. Can we go back to bed please?” His arms were still around your waist, but he leaned back enough that you could see his face, puppy dog eyes and all. You nodded to his request with a soft smile, and went to remove yourself from his arms and go back to your car, but he tightened his grip.

“I got you now, so I’m not letting you go.” You buried your head in the crook of his neck and slowly the two of you made your way into the warm house. He led you through the dark hallways to his bedroom, giggling and sneaking kisses where you could.

You fell asleep so easily, the quickest you have the entire time you had lived in Ottawa. And it wasn’t only Tim’s warmth, or the way his sheets smell like hockey tape and his peppermint shampoo. You had finally opened yourself up. You had found that belonging your dad always wanted you to. And you found that in Tim; whether he knew it or not, he was home.

let me know what you think! thanks for reading!

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[archived-and-moving]

so i had an exam today..

I have another one tomorrow..

And one on Saturday as well..

Then more exams from Monday to Wednesday..

i hate this so much

(literally school is so hectic, first i have to get to the examination hall by 7:30 am and then i need to give my exam till 9:30 am and i can't just go back home after that cause nooooooooo that would be just too easy and my school likes to make lives difficult, so then i have to attend classes till 1. and in all those classes we just revise for the next exam cause the syllabus for December is complete and do the teachers have any idea how hard it is to study in a loud class room on an empty stomach? Cause i swear to hell they don't)(like i would be way more productive at my house in my room with the kind of environment i can actually study in )

Oof bestie I'm so sorry your exams sound so terrible actually. Also hold up please.

I maybe be a stupid American but.

Do you have school on Saturdays? /genq

I was not aware that was a thing in other countries, as we have both Saturday and Sunday off no matter what (We do have saturday school for ppl who want to work of detentions but that's still only like. three hours long at most.)

[arrogantsonofabiscuit]

Late night walks with them

Feat:- Semi, Mattsun & Suna

Genre:- fluff and mentions of pet names

A/n:- This is my first time writing these characters. I hope you enjoy <3! ( a long post 😅🙂)

Semi Eita:-

putting your phone in your pocket you grab your jacket and head downstairs . You open your door to see Semi with a small notepad in his hand. He looks at you and smiles sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.

“I am sorry it was quite impulsive decision I made but can you walk with me for a while?”

“Sure Semi let me lock the door and let’s walk cool?”

“Yeah”. You lock your door and start walking side by side. You met Semi in your last year of high school and ever since graduation you have been dating him.

You guys both were new to this relationship but you always understood whenever he was nervous. You understood that he is nervous because he has the habit of fidgeting with his fingers and tapping his leg.

“Semi are you nervous about your gig?”

“Is it obvious?”

“Yeah well kinda you are fidgeting with your fingers and you look worried”

“it’s my first time performing our band’s song and I am nervous whether ppl would like it. What’s up with you how’s your work?”

“Oh it’s good just getting to know my colleagues first they seem to be nice”. You spot a tree below which a bench was placed.

“Would you like to sit here y/n?”

“Okay” . You guys settle on the bench and observe the stars in the sky.”it’s beautiful isn’t it?” you ask semi as you observe the stars.

“Yeah” Semi wasn’t looking at the stars he was loookibg at you and how beautiful you looked . Your lips your eyes were so pretty. He clears his throat and pulls out his phone from his pocket. “Would you like to hear the song Which we made?”

“Sure!” ,Semi hands you his earbuds and plays a audio. You closed your eyes tu focus only on the song and nothing else. Semi observed you and how lips quirked up into smile , how you would hum to the music and gently tap your hand on the bench. He felt light, he felt less nervous and was smiling with the most love struck expression. You were indeed what he needed.

“Semi?”

“Eita”

“what?”

“It’s Eita for you.”

“Oh, Eita it is so good you will do good I just know!”

“Thanks baby” he pulls you in a gentle kiss. Just as perfect as him.

Matsukawa Issei:-

The whole damn week felt so hectic. You hardly got time for yourself plus your boyfriend too. You and Mattsun were dating for about a month or so. He seemed like a very chill person and his personality was amazing. You guys clicked with each other and after two dates or so you guys became official.

You would always go out during Friday nights and may stay over each other’s house for the weekend. But this time you couldn’t because of the workload and the deadlines were around the corner.

Mattsun had one of the worst day today. He got up late, almost missed his train, his favourite coffee wasn’t available oof 😣. Yep worst day ever. As soon as he got home he fell asleep on the couch because of today’s work .

His phone dinged with notifications popping on his screen. He took his phone in his hands and was about to switch it off only to read a message by you. He got up from the couch groggily and re-read whether it was you who texted him. It was in fact you.

The door bell rings and he walks towards the door to see you wearing a hoodie and sweat pants with your hair tied up in a messy bun. Adorable he thought.

“Ma-I mean Issei , did I wake you up?”

“I was taking a nap to be honest, come in”

“ It’s fine but could I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“would you like to take a walk with me?” “Oh?”

“Nothing is wrong Issei it’s just that this entire week we couldn’t get to see each other and I wanted to meet you so .... I know we couldn’t go out as well but would you mind some time with me?”

“Let me grab my jacket and let’s head out okay?”

“Okay” ,Issei has his hand in his pocket whereas you were quite fidgety. You guys have held hand together that’s not a problem it’s just that you wanted some form of PDA right now. You kept on walking side by side looking at the scenery it was quite pleasant, no noise , it wasn’t that busy.

“Where are we going y/n?”

“To the park Issei”

“we are here 😅”

“oh already?!”

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing?”

“Y/n I can understand when you don’t pay attention to where you are going when you overthink , c’mon spill the beans”

“Issei I don’t wanna sound clingy or anything but I would like to hold your hand 🥺. It’s been a week since we last saw each other and work has took a toll on me . I hated that we couldn’t meet and I like it when we spend time together.”

“Doll I do too, I was nervous whether you’d like holding my hand . Don’t hesitate to do that after all I am yours” Your heart was pounding loudly you were sure he would be able to hear that .

You tiptoed and placed your arm ok his shoulder for support as you pecked his lips thanking him. He brings you closer to him and hugs you tightly.

Suna Rintarou:-

You and him have been dating since high school and were still going strong. I mean why wouldn’t you ? You guys were so cute together. You were very proud of him when he said that he wanted to continue volleyball and not give up on it. He was proud of you as well because you worked hard to get the post you are currently in right now.

As a pro Suna was always busy with practises and used to come home very tired. But he always made sure that the weekends would be the time he would spend time with you , cuddle you and literally do nothing.

Today was no different. He was tired that’s for sure but he had something else in his mind.

“I am home”

“Welcome Home Rin! How was practise?”

“The usual what about you?” He places his duffel bag on the floor and takes off his shoes. “Um it was good everything went well in my meeting today!” you reply as you hug him and kiss his cheek .

“Btw get ready I want to go out for a walk, I don’t wanna sleep early today”

“Oh okay what should i wear?”

“My hoodie its cold outside no other reason”

“Mhmm” you tease him and he tsked to it and enters the bathroom to take a quick shower. After taking a quick shower Suna wears his comfy clothes and enters the living room where you were scrolling through your phone humming to a tune.

“Are you ready to go baby?”

“Jeez yes omg Rin you scared me !”

“That was the whole point”

“Anyways where are we going?”

“Remember last week you were talking about the ice cream parlour which opened nearby?”

“yeah?!”

“There is a park there we are going there”

“Rin!!!!😫”

“ Come on”you walk out of your house with Suna standing next to you who was looking at his hand.

“Do you want me to hold your hand?”

“Yeah” you hold his hand and walk slowly with him. He kept his pace normal because he did not want the time to pass by quickly he wanted to make some memories. You guys enter the ice cream.

“Rin what are we doing here?”

“ Since I promised my baby that I would take them here , so that we would buy that ice cream they wanted plus we can go to the park” You smile at him and order your favourite flavour and wait for it patiently after 5 minutes or so you had your ice cream in one hand and your boyfriend’s hand.

You made it to the park and were looking at the night sky. It was indeed so pretty but what was more pretty was the sight beside you. Suna held out a ring and showed it to you. You gasped looking at it and started to sob.

“Hey why are you crying?”

“Nothing Rin”

“If it’s nothing would you pls say yes or no? My knees are hurting”

“YES 😭”

“Okay my Angel” he placed the ring on your ring finger and kisses it. He gets up and places a chaste kiss on your forehead thanking you for accepting him and his love for you.

Thank you for reading! Take care<3

Reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[secret-kpoplibrary]

In Your Dreams Pt. 9

Pairing: Baker!Seokjin x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: oof the girls are fighting- nothing too bad- they curse- they hurt feelings cuz they upset

Genre: angst because it had to come eventually

Summary: You wouldn't necessarily call yourself cynical or pessimistic, but when it comes to the topic of soulmates, well you're certainly not the most agreeable person. It's not that you don't believe in love but, when your career exposes you to what happens when 'love' isn't enough, when being soulmates doesn't bring your happy ending- it can be hard to put your faith in such things. Still, just like everyone else you have the dreams, the ones of your soulmate's memories. The ones you'll continue to have until you find them. Unfortunately for yours, meeting him does little to change your outlook- at first. He's certainly got his work cut out for him.

***

You're working your way through your weekend chore list. Laundry, done. Kitchen cleaned. Living room swept. Your last item is to go grocery shopping which you decide to do later. After a short nap. You swap your t-shirt and shorts for a sweater and some leggings, it's still wintertime so even though you were hot while cleaning you know it'll be cold when you leave later. Just as you settle into your bed for your nap there's a knock at your front door. You groan knowing there are really only a handful of people that would show up at your door unannounced so you force yourself up to answer it. When you pull open your apartment door Lisa walks in.

"Oh good you're alive. We're going out today." She announces.

"What do you mean 'oh good you're alive' of course I am." You roll your eyes.

"We've barely spoken all week!" She huffs at you.

"Sorry Lis, work has been kind of hectic lately. We got some new hires and- it's been a time." You mutter.

"Which is why I'm here. We're hanging out today." She tells you.

"Alright so what are we doing?" You ask her not even bothering to put up a fight about it. As much as you wanted that nap, you miss hanging out with your friend.

"I need to go shopping and I'm taking you with me."

"That's fine but I need to go grocery shopping later so we can't be out too late or I won't be able to get it done." You say.

"We'll only be out for a few hours at most. Plenty of time for you to grocery shop." She waves you off.

"Okay let me grab my phone and keys." You tell her heading back to your room for your phone.

"I'm driving!" She shouts after you.

"Good because you're forcing me to go out anyway!" You yell back grabbing your phone from your dresser. She laughs as you come back down your hall to grab your keys from the kitchen.

"yeah yeah- you love me." She says.

"Sure I guess." You gesture for her to head out the door and follow her out of your apartment. Lisa takes you to the mall, first to buy some design supplies, then for some new clothes. With the holidays having passed stores have mostly returned to their regularly scheduled programs but there are still some festive touches here and there since it's only early January.

"Lis- are we shopping for clothes for something specific or just in general?" You ask her as you flip through one of the racks.

"Just in general." Lisa shrugs.

"Alright." You mutter.

"So- how's life in paradise?" She asks.

"What are you talking about?" You look at her.

"You and Jin obviously. How're you feeling being all cherished and shit?"

"It's fine. Jin's a fantastic partner so far." You shrug.

"Ready to admit that the whole soulmate thing isn't so doomsday?" She asks.

"Well I never said it was doomsday- but if you're referring to my skepticism regarding it then no. I've seen more than enough soulmate relationships fall apart to say it's statistically probable."

"You're so pessimistic." She frowns.

"I'm not pessimistic. I'm realistic in a way that comes from having a job that is basically dealing with what happens when reality comes crashing through the walls of your happily ever after like the fucking Kool-Aid man." You say. Lisa can't help but snort out a laugh at that.

"The Kool-Aid man? Seriously." She laughs.

"I love how that's where your focus went." You shake your head. She shrugs.

"It was funny but the Kool-Aid man isn't raining on your parade."

"Not yet but statistically it's too soon to rule out rain."

"Dude you talk about your relationship like it's a sample in a study you're conducting." She tells you.

"Well I don't mean to. But in all honesty I've only been dating him for a few months. We don't know each other too well. The rose-colored lenses could easily come off down the line. It's too early to tell." You say.

"There goes that pessimism." She rolls her eyes.

"I'm not saying I want things to fall apart Lis I'm just- my job teaches me that even when hoping for the best I should be prepared for the worst. Minimizes disappointment. Even now I'm working on divorce for a couple that's been together for over thirty years. A few months is nothing compared to that." You say.

"As long as you're happy-"

"I am. Like I said Jin is an amazing partner. No complaints." You shrug.

"Well that's pretty much all I need to know. As long as he keeps you that way I'm satisfied and you should be too. Not waiting for doom to come knocking at your door." Lisa says. Her attention shifts to the clothing rack she's at once more before she takes the pile in her hand and makes her way to the fitting rooms.

The two of you kill almost three hours in the mall before Lisa reluctantly brings you back home at your request. You still have groceries to grab which you make quick work of before returning home for the night.

***

You glance at yourself once more in the mirror as you hear the knock on your front door. A cute pair of black jeans and an off-shoulder sweater. Satisfied with you're outfit you go to the door and open it to Jin standing on the other side.

"You're here!" You smile at him.

"Of course. You look amazing by the way." He says wrapping an arm around you to kiss you deeply.

"You don't look too bad yourself." You say breathlessly when Jin finally pulls away from you.

"You ready to go?" He asks as your phone rings from your bedroom.

"Hold that thought I'm gonna answer that. You can come in though, it shouldn't be long." You say running into your bedroom where you grab the phone to answer it. It's Jessie.

"Hello?" You say.

"Hi y/n- I know you said not to call because you're taking the day off but Lewis called freaking out about a deadline that got moved up and he desperately needs you to review a document for him." She explains. You sigh.

"Alright forward me the document and I'll have it done within the hour." You tell her.

"Already did it." She says.

"You're amazing Jess, I'll email it back to you once it's done." You tell her grabbing your laptop.

"Alright." She says hanging up the phone. You grab one of your notepads and jog out to the living room where you place your laptop down.

"Well that was quick. What was the call about?" Jin asks coming from your kitchen with a bottle of water.

"Urgent call from work. One of the new hires needs me to review something because his deadlines got moved around." You explained.

"Seriously? I thought you were taking the day off." Jin frowns a little bit. You walk over to him and place your hand on his cheek. You were taking the day off so that you and Jin could spend it together. He wouldn't tell you what exactly he had planned but he promised it would be worth it.

"I know. I am. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't important. It'll take me less than an hour and then I'm all yours I promise." You say. He sighs.

"Alright." He says.

"Thank you." You peck his lips and slide over to your coffee table, crossing your legs under you as you sit on the floor.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" He asks.

"Easier to work on the coffee table when I'm level with it." You say opening the document. "Jin darling do you mind grabbing me a thing of sticky notes? They should be on my desk." You ask him.

"Yeah sure." He says walking off. You're working quickly through the document as you wait for Jin to return. It's only a couple of pages and you know that you'll be able to knock it out in no time.

"Did you find them?" You ask without glancing away from your laptop when you notice he's standing in front of you. Jin tosses a folder onto the table beside you.

"Am I meant to take that as a no or-" You trail off with a frown lifting the folder without looking at it so you can continue working.

"What is this?" Jin asks.

"It's- one of my client's files, which isn't why I asked you to go into my room so why did you bring it out here?" You glance up at him.

"It was on your desk." He clips.

"Yes that's where I tend to put files when I bring them home. What's the big deal?" You place the folder down without really looking at it.

"Why is my mother's name is on that file?" He asks. You pause for a moment, closing your eyes briefly before you respond.

"Your mother is one of my clients." You tell him.

"What for?" He huffs. You think for only a moment before you decide it would be worse to lie to him.

"She and your father are getting a divorce." You admit.

"And you didn't want to tell me?!"

"Your mother asked me not to." You shrug.

"I'm your boyfriend! Your soulmate!" He shouts.

"And she's my client. If my client asks me not to divulge information I don't do it." You maintain a calm tone as you talk.

"She's my mother Y/n." He says incredulously. At this point you stand up, getting frustrated and feeling trapped sat on the floor between your couch and coffee table.

"Exactly Jin. She's your mother. This is her business to tell. Not mine. If you have a problem with how this was handled I suggest you take it up with her. There's a level of confidentiality that I owe all of my clients your personal relationship to them aside. This is my job Jin, if she asks me not to tell you I owe it to her not to tell you." You explain.

"This is more than just work y/n."

"No Jin, it's not. I understand that you're upset, these are your parents after all, but for me this is the job. This is what I do for a living. My client told me not to share information so I didn't share, that's all there is to this."

"You make it sound so impersonal." He scowls.

"Jin, I'm sorry you're upset, your parents getting divorced is probably really difficult for you-"

"Don't! Don't try to act like a shrink right now. I don't want to hear whatever placating nonsense you tell the divorcee kids."

"I'm not a shrink. I wasn't trying to act like one I was trying to comfort you as someone I care about who's clearly upset." You frown at him.

"I just can't believe you kept this from me."

"I did what my client asked me to do." You say.

"Whenever I brought up my parents and how their relationship was the reason I believed in what you called 'soulmate nonsense' this whole time you were helping them get separated. You probably thought me a fool." He paces back and forth.

"Woah. Jin. First of all I do not think you foolish for believing in your parents' love or their relationship. Second of all your mother came to me before I even met you. I had no idea they were your parents. Not until your birthday last month. Similarly they had no idea I was your soulmate until then and she asked me to let her and your father tell you themselves. What would you have had me do Jin? Ignore your parents' wishes?"

"You should have told me. They're my parents."

"And they asked me not to tell you. This is my job Jin. It's not about you."

"I can't believe it's that easy for you to compartmentalize this as if it's no big deal. Makes me wonder if you have a heart at all." Jin frowns.

"Well if you have to ask yourself that question maybe we just shouldn't be dating." You scoff. You're defensive now. You couldn't believe he could say something like that.

"I think you're right." He says.

"Great then we're on the same page and in that case you know where the door is. See yourself out Jin." You wave your hand dismissively, as you sit back in front of your laptop, turning your attention to the work you were doing before this argument started.

Jin pauses for a moment at your outward nonchalance but he turns to leave and it's not until the door closes that you let any tears fall.

"Fuck." You sigh with a dry chuckle as you swipe at your face. "You have work to finish." You mutter to yourself as you force yourself to stamp down your feelings in favor of finishing what you set out to do for Lewis. "You can cry later if you so wish." You add on.

***

Part 9/???

[iamsuchi]

Oof where do I start from? Ok so the last year was a pure hectic for me and so many bad things happening and the thing is that I didn't recover from things that happened last yr but now I have alot of new problems to worry and cry over .I just want to go to my old self who was happy, confident , inspired, knew what she wanted, didn't care if others tried to discouraged or didn't even care abt the freaking circumstances. I'm so tired tbh my friends are so toxic and all my friendships are one side its always me putting the efforts to carry the convo I lost so many funds too ...I just wanted some nice people and some good relationships and people that I can trust blindly... tried to take advice but it made things worse .things r so bad rn Idt they will ever improve will they ? Mental health was bad too so I wasn't able to focus on my goals or just be in rt state and recently I got rejected by my desired school ..feels like I don't have any reason to live for . I had fight w my bff but she was the one who was wrong and now she is pretending 2 be the victim and ignoring me

WOW, I AM SO SORRY ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU NO ONE DESERVES THIS! If you need a friend I am here my inbox is ALWAYS open, send me a DM if you feel the need. Trust me I need what this is like it's a hard mindset to live with there's so much to unpack here... I want to explain it to you in the best way possible without sounding like victim blame because I don't want you to feel bad or blame yourself any further. The best way I can say this is that your assumptions leading up until now that what's happening to cause all of this and I am assuming that it's probably a happening on an unconscious or subconscious level. PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF HERE, THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION IT IS NATURAL FOR SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO US AS HUMANS AND WE GET INTO A BAD THINKING PATTERN OF THINKING ONLY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO US - BELIEVE ME, I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE. A FEW YEARS AGO I DIDN'T WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE. I HAD TO DO ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT OF MENTAL REPROGRAMMING BY MYSELF ONLY WITH THE AID OF A FEW VERY CLOSE FRIENDS AND BY FEW I MEAN MY BEST FRIEND AND LIKE 2 OTHER PERSONS. MY FAMILY DOESN'T TAKE MENTAL HEALTH SERIOUSLY SO I HAD TO DO IT ALONE. AT THAT TIME I DISCOVERED PEOPLE LIKE ALAN WATTS AND NEVILLE GODDARD AND THAT'S THE CATALYST FOR ALL THIS TODAY AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I AM STILL NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE EVEN MENTALLY, WORSE I AM STILL IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE I DONT REALLY FEEL HAPPY IN. LITERALLY, MY ASSUMPTIONS ARE CARRYING ME DAY TO DAY MOST TIMES. I KNOW THAT HORRIBLE FEELING AND I WISH IT ON NO ONE SO PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME IF YOU CAN WE NEED TO WORK ON THOSE ASSUMPTIONS WE NEED TO BACKTRACK THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS, LIFE IS WORTH LIVING EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL THAT WAY RIGHT NOW! TELL YOURSELF IT WILL GET BETTER, IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER, I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE THAT IT WILL! IT IS WORTH THE FIGHT YOU'RE ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON, THIS IS YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE YOU CAN MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL ONE! YOU CAN BE THAT BEAUTIFUL CONFIDENT PERSON YOU WERE I BELIEVE YOU STILL ARE THAT AND MORE MAYBE YOU JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH GETTING THERE AND I AM HERE FOR YOU! I AM REALLY SORRY AGAIN THAT ALL THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REACHING OUT! PLEASE DM ME IF YOU CAN IF YOU NEED A FRIEND I AM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately not all the people we meet in our lives are there to benefit us and it sounds like you met some real messed up ones and again I'm sorry about that but there are good people out there, I'm sure there others like me who would love to see you flourish in life. So please don't let the few assholes you've met so far stop you from meeting even more amazing people out there. (GUYS IF YOU READ THIS FAR AND YOU CAN - PLEASE ADD SOMETHING ON TO THIS ASK PLEASE LET THIS PERSON KNOW THEY AREN'T ALONE - WE ARE ONE GUYS! YOU ARE ANOTHER ME - WE ALL SHOULD WANT HAPPINESS AND A WONDERFUL LIFE FOR EACH OTHER.)

Also please mental health is veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery important, if you need to cry let it out don't bottle up your emotions, AND PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF YOU ARE HUMAN YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL AND EXPERSS YOUR EMOTIONS - LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES BUT I BELIEVE YOU A RESILIENT, YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS! take some time for yourself, try doing things that make you happy - watch funny vids, eat your favorite food, take a nap and if you can I'd recommend speaking with a therapist or licensed professional when it comes to your mental health. I am sending you so much positive energy and all the love and support I can from where I am, things will get better I believe they will.

[bigskydreaming]

After the surgery will you have to stay at the hospital for a month? Is it going to make you not open your mouth at all for month? I hope you find good distractions for the time, get better quickly so you can speak and laugh!

Oof that would be horrific, thankfully no! I only have to stay at the hospital overnight and then I can go home, curl up under the covers and hopefully just blip forward a couple weeks til I can get my jaw unwired and open my mouth again, with periodic wakeups to suck down a smoothie through the side of my mouth lololol. Then I have a couple weeks of physical therapy though tbh I'm not a hundred percent sure what that entails or what my general state will be at that point but my doctors have said I should be back on my feet by next month.

I'm expecting to be mostly incommunicado for the next month, so I've queued a bunch of fic stuff up, but I might be scrolling tumblr and reblogging stuff periodically while just lying in bed or whatever lol. Nobody read too much into it though if I don't engage with replies, asks or responses this month though as its likely I just don't have the energy beyond that at that particular time. But I'll be playing it by ear as well. *Shrugs*

I should be around today and tomorrow intermittently, other than when I'm at work, and then if I POOF and vanish as of Friday, not to worry, that's what's supposed to happen, lol. I don't know how hectic things are gonna get the next couple days while I prep for the hospital and do everything I want to get done before not expecting to get anything done for the rest of the month, so I'll still be posting some more today and tomorrow, but because I honestly don't know if I'll think to make an actual 'okay this is it, going radio silent' post when I actually head off to the hospital Friday, like....if I don’t, just know that I’ll be back to regular posting and more as of the new year!

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Stand In Chapter Seven

Masterlist Summary: Your finally home! comfortable and confident in the familiar surrounding's at least you are until Henry helps scout the woods for shooting location's and manages to get you alone and you both find out that admitting feelings is tough, but misunderstandings are much worse. Warnings: Implied Smut?, Innuendos?,  Angst, Fluff, Swearing A/N: so here we go chapter Seven!! I'm super happy with how this has ended up but its very long...very long like 1300+ words so get ready!!  This is mostly fluff and angst!!  And a special Thanks to @ayme301​ for helping my with the idead of Joey!!! I hope you all enjoy it xx Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @thummbelina @sofiebstar @jellicorn05 @m3anwhil3misha @thefangirlsblog @al-wiisa @healojane @goodpeoplegotohellanyway @heybitchhhh @britty443 @ayamenimthiriel @crazyandanonymous4u @rebel4fandom @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo @angelofthorr @harrysthiccthighss @loserrlauraa @tumblnewby @singeramg @cheeseman​ @lundelorient @isitmine @tinabean37

"You ready?" You asked grabbing your phone checking the battery quickly. Eighty percent good enough. Freya smiled nodding it was time to get going! "Yeah lets go...This is a cool car its very you..Does it have aux? Bluetooth? Can I connect to it?" You chuckled nodding to her sitting in your baby. "Yeah go ahead! she has a killer sound system if I do say so myself~...Use the aux its better on your battery life its in the glove box" she clapped her hands excited as you moved tucking your phone in to the door pocket. She squeeled when she saw found the aux cable and gushed over how neat and cute your car was, you smirked, you thought your baby was cute to. "Oh my god! It's so so small but comfy! like its not cramped in here at all!" you shook your head. As she moved her seat back and streatched out. She was right looks were deceiving you had a black Peugeot 207cc, not to fancy but it was a convertible and all yours. You both fiddled about getting seat belts on and Freya popped her bag on the small bucket seat in the back letting her stretch out her feet in the foot well completely unhindered. You brought the car to life, a deeper growl than she should have thanks to your little customization's. Freya looked around it getting to grips with the stereo you moved your hand down to the roof controls pulling back and she flew, jumped about a foot nearly hitting the roof as it peeled away then began laughing loud. "Holy shit it's a convertible?!" You smiled nodding smugly to her as she leaned back already connecting her phone to the stereo. "I've so hit the jack pot today!" She called as suddenly her music came through the quality speakers you'd had put in.

You swore lightly as you crawled along the motorway in first gear. This was a shit day you should of known Mathew was a bad omen. Here you were nine nearly ten hours into what should have been a seven hour drive. Roof down in the blistering thirty four degree heat!!. The air con was on cooling your feet but that was little constellation to the burning on the back of your neck. "So here is the down side to a convertible no protection in the fucking heat!" You said trying to laugh off the brutal situation at least it was automatic and you wasn't shifting gear every few mineut's or so. Honestly your feet weren't even on the pedals the car did all the work crawling down the tarmac. Things had been great until an hour ago you'd been cruising,  blasting tunes,taking selfies with Freya even a video for her instagram story which over the course of filming you'd been involved with. Joey had also convinced you to make your own which was cool. But during this drive things had been just laid back and fun! Especially as you weaved in and out of the Witcher entourage singing along to the likes of queen, little mix and Rhianna as you went, having a proper girls road trip. Freya received a text from Joey who was in a car behind you at some point begging you to change the song when Freya decided to blare toss a coin once she spotted him waving in the window. Even Henry who was in the bus you were overtaking had popped his head up and called a few words out the window laughing as you passed him head bopping like pigeons to Joeys strumming. Naturally once you'd got those reactions the song was put on repeat and turned up. You'd even slowed down to be along side Henry's bus and trap Joey's car behind you for a few verse's or so the second time round before shooting off and pulling in infront of the bus. Then a lunch pit stop which included you and Freya following Joey singing toss a coin loud and off key to irritate him. But he laughed along with you, he found it quite flattering that you both knew all the words because you both had it on your phone..I mean what Witcher fan doesn't? After lunch the other trucks had caught up with you and you all set of again for the next few grueling hours of the drive. It was only one more hour of plain sailing until bang. Fucking traffic an accident by the looks of it, you were all trying to check the news but it had only just happened and nothing was being released about it. but by the amount of police and ambulances it was very bad. "Fuck me we will get there quicker reversing!" You groaned slumping Freya giggled finding the whole situation a laugh a mineut she moved opening a bag of crisps holding them out to you letting you take a few. "No no its fine besides I get to wear this fashionable hat~" she posing for anothet selfie in the large floppy sun hat that you kept in the car for this type of situation the hat covered the back of your neck. She scanned her phone and sat up from her slouched position seeing the traffic news. "Oh fuck they just put inline about the accident...We're on the M40 right?" You nodded to her and frowned what ever was online didn't seem good for her to frown like that "Says here tail backs are for a few hours...Accident was two lorries caused a ten car pile up at junction eight... looks nasty five fatalities." You squinted junction eight?! That was fucking miles away from where you were sitting. You moved to reply but was interupted by her phone going off. "Hold on its Lauren...Hi...You saw it to?...Hold on I'll ask her" she moved turning to you. "Are we close to the accident? Lauren said you'd know better than anyone" you shook our head at her letting the car crawl faster as someone pulled oof into the lay by getting out to have a piss. "Not really... About twenty minutes in normal traffic. I know a short cut the smaller cars and vans can take to avoid it busses can't tho just tell them to follow me" Freya recited that to Lauren who seemed to consult Tee the put the phone on loud speaker. "Really? You can get us there quicker around the traffic?" You heard the hope in Laurens tone as she asked you. "Yeah you just gotta trust me I know this area....Might cut through country roads near home okay? tell them to follow me off the motorway after the next junction A404 then down to the M4 the bigger trucks and busses will have to go on to A329 then to the M3 they should come off at towards blackwater and hawley...think its the A327or skmehing its an okay work around but the rest can fit in the smaller roads with me" you heard Tee speak up moving to the phone getting louder. "You thinking of going around ascot? The old back roads around the ferns and the old showground?" You smiled as she guessed correctly and nodded you could hear the smile in her voice. "Yeah then we can be in the woods from the back near the chocolatebox house just past the sand pitt" you explained knowing you and Tee were the only two who had a clue what you were talking about. In all honesty you wasn't that far from the woods it was just the motorway though a pain and longer in miles was usually faster. "But don't we need to be on the other side? We were setting up set on your side of Brian's woods...Better access" She questioned you huffed smiling she forgot it would all be cornered off for you. "Yeah but snake lane is gonna be clear with us booking the whole wood so can use that to cut through there" you grinned hearing a decisive hmpf and a chuckle fro Lauren before Tee spoke up again. "Alright smart ass" she said grumbling "I take that as a compliment~" You and Freya eyed one another giggling both knowing Tee was gonna pout. "Okay well it sounds like you have a plan could you text me the directions so we and text them to the others." Freya nodded and confirmed saying she'd text them over "Its better actually we still need to walk the woods and find exact locations...We panicked and had to book anywhere we could after the covid shenanigans.. But we trust you girls you seem to know where your going~" you quickly thanked Lauren and she hung up giving Freya the time to text over the directions so everyone could be informed of the new plans.

Thanks to your short cut you and a few others managed to be home within 45 mineuts as apposed to the trucks and busses that were still another hour and twenty mineuts away others had also figured out the new work around. Much to your surprise Henry and Kal were also here managing to wrangle themselves into one of the small people carriers with Joey to practice lines. Currently you were walking through the woods near camp with Tomasz and Lauren looking for locations to shoot. You didn't really need to accompany them but after sitting in traffic for so long you all needed to stretch your legs. Freya had stayed behind with kal and Tee finding themselves a spot on a blanket under a huge tree just relaxing enjoying the soft breeze. It was the calm before the storm, the few days of relaxing and slowly throwing your base camp together before jumping right back into the hectic filming schedule. You walked along the trails completely at ease eyes roaming the familiar woods you were home. Not that you live in the woods but..You lived across from them literally you parents house was just over the field, across from the main entrance and base that was currently being set up on the small worn dirt car park enough to just squeeze everything in to. Although this wood was close to Hawley wood it wasn't apart of it. This was a private working woodland with hacking paths and logging areas. You looked down scanning the area out of habit, you did it automatically drilled into you from exploring and playing in these woods. You saw it, your trained eyes locking on the slim body and quickly without hesitating yanked Joey towards you causing him to yelp as you pulled him off his footing. The others stopped looking at you as Joey began creating a fuss. You pointed down to wear he nearly placed his foot. Joey had nearly stood on a fucking snake an adder to be more precise. "There's a fucking snake Joey?!" Suddenly there were 'manly' screams as Joey bolted around you away from the snake coiled on the floor by his foot. He was hysterical freaking out with frantic twitches with every brush of twigs and grass. "Joey its okay see he hasn't moved..He isn't bothered he wont bite you...He would have had you stepped on him" You noticed everyone suddenly paying close attention Henry came closer looking in awe fascinated. He went to pick up a stick making to poke it but you stopped him. "No Henry! Fuck no! That’s an adder..." he looked at as if to say and?...Oh yeah most people don’t know. You sighed motioning to it. "Venemous Henry...Their Venemous you do not want to be bit by it...Fucking nasty Levi got bit once painful business" you moved ushering everyone on before the snake got to aggravated you knew how fast they can move you were all in striking distance. As you moved across the trail everyone now seemed to watch the ground carefully as you walked through the sparse area before reaching camp. "But seriously a fucking snake!? I didn't think we had them over here!?" Joey said clutching at your arm eyeing the floor still twitchy you linked arms with the panicked man who looking around warily eyeing the sticks treading carefully. "Yes we do, a couple actually some grass snakes, smooth snakes worst are the Adders...Its rare to see them in all honesty Adders especially they are the only venomous snake in this country not life threatening though" You almost laughed as the others stuck close to you each making sure you were still eyeing the track.

"How'd you spot it anyway?" You shrugged at him as you continued this particular path was a large c and you were close to the carpark by now. "I grew up here you learn to keep your eyes peeled...A little advice though they coil up in sun spots, so the clearer the canopy the more likely they are there, flat surfaces to he was just sunning himself...Just watch your feet and you'll be fine...They leave around October to, gets to cold" you tried easing the frightened man he nodded and relaxed his hold before trying to laugh it all off with some typical Joey-esque bravado and Jaskier worthy scoffing. "What else should I worry about Tinks? foxes? Wasps!" You shook your head laughing at him cutely patting his arm breaking away making him quickly clutch at you again. "Haha no foxes are skittish round here...But we do have a few vespa hornets...And badgers...Badgers are worse... Don't go poking around any borrows" you smiled smugly and slipped from Joey's hold properly he whined looking around still jumpy from the snake incident. "Fucking wait a minute what do i worry about more the hornets or badgers?" You hummed and weighed up the time. The vespa hornets are scary as fuck buzzing around you and they are few and far between you just brought them up to make him squirm...What can you say today you were just in that type of mood, besides your and Joeys whole friendship was annoying one another with banter. But you loved each other when it came down to it. You tapped your chin making the man wait with baited breath. Aw bless he looked so uncomfortable. "Badgers, I was pissing about with the hornets they haven't been spotted for a few years" you said finally putting Joey out of his misery. "Really...Badgers aren't they like tiny...The size of a house cat?" You smiled turning to face him shaking your head. "Wait a minuet you've never seen a badger? Like ever?" You asked completely struck with the fact he might never have seen an animal that to you is common, there is a burrow near your shed for christ sake!. "Nope...Never but really they can't be that bad" he said you gaped at him.Well I'll be damned. Never seen one, you were gonna fix that! "Joey hun they are bigger than a cat like neary a meter long and chubby big claws" he gulped looking around even more wary making you burst out laughing. "Joey, they are knocturnal you wont see a badger...Or a fox the most you'll see is squirrels, rabbits maybe some snakes or slow worms-which look like baby bronze snakes but are harmless nothing to deadly I assure you" he seemed to calm down at that.

Once back at set you watched Lauren and Tomasz frustrated talking with each other trying to pick out spots for filming, they were under strain trying to find the perfect locations. But they seemed underwhelmed with the area ,You heard the word ritual and magic. You could see they were getting frustrated. Trying to think you snapped your fingers the gate! "You wanted a magical type place for filming?" You asked incredulous they nodded to you hoping you could pull another win out of the bag today "Wish you'd just said! I thought you were looking for some trail for Geralt to walk or something!...Follow me! I know a spot it's one of those things if you don't know about it you wont find it" You marched off slipping off the trail leaving no room for thought. Henry was the first to shrug following followed by Lauren and Tomasz. Joey had stayed behind this time wandering over to Freya Tee and Kal not willing to risk another snake encounter. Henry eyed your back as you walked on through the scrub leading once again Knowing exactly where you were off to for the second time today. He followed behind the two directors calling out to you as you lead them seemingly deeper into the woods. "Tinks are you sure we should leave the trail!?" You waved Henry off making him heave a sigh.

"Trust me! I know my way around these part this is home turf!" Was what you called out over you shoulder as you marched on wards, you continued leading them deeper into the woods away from the main trails ten minuets later you stopped looking down a steep bank, the ground broke of suddenly into a six foot drop a small clear trickling stream as the base you smiled...It was still standing. "Here this is it!! I used to play here as a kid I almost forgot it was here! It was only when you said magic I remembered" You quickly launched yourself down the bank that had seemed much higher as a kid. It looked much older now the over hanging roots now thick and looping out and in the dirt towards the old structure below. It was a stone moon gate on a flat pebbled bank that peeked out of the tiny stream that bended around it making the structure have a small five to six inch deep moat. A few larger trees had fallen but it actually did a favour opening up the canopy of trees letting larger streams of light frame the scene. Tomasz and Lauren smiled quickly speaking amongst themselves about how they could make this work as 'Geralt’s camp' and the small ritual Yennefer was going to do.

You walked over to the lightly Aged stone smiling remembering all the times you played here as a kid. You were glad it was still standing. "You know I broke my wrist trying to climb this as a kid... Didn't even notice to much thought I sprained it...Mum went mental when I got home and she realized Id been playing on it for hours despite it being black and blue the size of a grapefruit...knocked me out of competition for a while to...I was always down here best place to find tadpoles!" You muttered as Henry crept up behind you smiling you turned eyeing him cautiously and quickly flicked your gaze to the stone again and pointed to one at the top. "That’s the bugger I slipped on! Everything seemed much taller then" he followed your gaze and sighed, it must have been something being raised around here. "Well I doubt there’s much difference now~" he smiled poking playfully at your height as he stood tall. Henry moved to the side eyeing the large stone circle. You whined at him giving a sweet pout before huffing stepping towards the small stream. Henry did a slow walk of the little make shift island in the stream taking in the tall aged trees, the canopy of leaves was high so the equipment would get in here fine without causing much damage...And the bank gives a good overview of the area. He turned one slow sweeping motion eyes landing on you who had tucked down letting your hands dip into the shallow water you sunk them to your wrists letting the cool water wash over them you sighed happily. It was good to be back home. To Henry you were a vision, the light hitting the water lighting up your face as you closed your eyes and smiled taking a deep breath just enjoying the moment. You were sexy and stunning, cute all in one you just seemed so? "Perfect" you looked back up to him shyly his soft eyes were glowing in the fractured light reflecting off the water. You swallowed unable to stop your staring the man was sunning his face was relaxed a small lopsided smile across the perfect jaw he licked his bottom lip and smiled wider, he was always happy to capture your attention. "I think its perfect here to!...The gate isn't that old though...Only like twenty odd years...Which does us a favor Brian had it put in when his daughter was at university studying photography and cinematography... She used it for her final project-" Henry shook his head with a chuckle You'd missed his point. He crouched down beside you angling himself to face you holding eye contact then slowly moved caressing your face lightly tucking the short lilac strands behind you ear in a sweet gesture. You gasped unable to hold eye contact for long looking down to you hands in the water trying not to squeak at him being so close. Yet so far? It was bittersweet. The object of your fantasies. Man of your dreams was right here. In touching distance constantly flirting and making almost romantic gestures. Yet he was still out of your reach. Out of your league. Your face dropped and you faltered.

There you go again. Something crossed your eyes making you pull back. Nerves? doubt? Unease? Henry couldn't tell but he really wished he could stop it. Wished you'd stop getting yourself down. Its like when you acted but instead of a mask it almost felt like a wall. You slammed up a guard between you and he wanted nothing more then to tear it down. To comfort and reassure you, but it was hard to try and reassure you when he didn't know what was wrong. 'Maybe now's the time?....Yes! That’s it right come on superman pull some courage out of your ass...Tinks go out with me....No no that's not-your not giving her a choice she'd say no just to be stubborn...Right...Tinks I'd be honored if you'd accompany me on a date....What the fuck? Honored,accompanied? What is this a fucking marriage proposal?...Well not yet-WHAT THE FUCK HENRY? YOUR NOT EVEN DATING HER YET!! Right okay okay new plane ,new plan ask her out or?...Or just tell her you like her bingo ask her out and if you fail tell her you like her!..I mean fuck sake. AcOmPaNy Me On A dAtE. It wasn't a question either...Come on henners...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!? its never been this difficult...So that means she's the one right?-So I cant afford to screw up!...No pressure then...Right just say Tink's would you like to go out with me?...Yes that’s it straight to the point....Would you go out with me? Would you go out with me? Right okay...Okay deep breath here we go' After Henry hyped himself up plans A and B all ready to go. Oh god. He moved his hands into the water it was a tactical move. His palms were sweaty. He took a deep breath watching his own hand dip into the cold stream sighing contentedly 'yes right now just ask....Ask her out...Move your lips say Tinks would you go out with me?...That's all you need to say! FUCK SAKE SAY IT! ASK HER?...Hold her hand first' He moved his hand through the water before stopping and wrapping his hand around yours, then brought the other to hold it to. Enveloping your hand with his own making your breath hitch you went to ask what he was doing but froze getting trapped in his eyes.

He was staring intently almost like when you first met him but there was something deeper like he wanted to get something out. It looked almost painful was he worried?

"H-henry? Are you okay? Do-don't you like this place? Do you think it wont work?" You asked panicking it was clear you were already trying to think of other places and little groves the wood has.

"No! No it's I....This place is perfect but...It's just that...That’s not quite what I meant~ I wasn't talking about ah... I was talking about...Well" you froze cheeks tinting pink as you cottoned on as he continued staring at you...That he had he been talking about you... He smirked feeling more confident watching as you became all shy realization crossing your face. You quickly looked down to the crystal clear water suddenly finding the colored stones that made up the stream bad interesting. You occupied yourself by curling your fingers in his hand gripping him as he squeezed it lightly reassuringly. It was more for him to reaffirm his resolve. You were here alone now. Time to do this go Henry go!

"You-your so beautiful do you know that?" You smiled and chuckled at him waving your free hand to him⁸ nervously voice getting caught in your throat. 'Oh my god? Is this really happening!? Shit girl he is looking right at you,lovingly? IS THIS CLASSED AS ROMANTIC!? OH MY GOD IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT....Fuck fuck okay don’t scream...Don't scream or panic...Not to be one to toot my own horn but he is lost in your gaze like one of those fucking mills and boom romances...Was he meaning to look at you like that? All sweet and endearing...But no! Stop it!...It will never happen your just letting the others get to you...But then why is he saying this? If he didn't mean it? He doesn't seem the type to say things for no reason...But oh fuck wouldn't that be something?...This gorgeous sweet man thinking you were beautiful....But no, you can't afford to fall for it no matter how tempting' you swallowed looking away from him trying to distance yourself. This was a fantasy! He will never be yours. He was... Entertaining himself is all. You took a breath looking at him trying to slowly pry your hand from his but he wouldn't allow it, he was frowning at you lightly. "H-henry you don't..Don't have to...Mathew isn't here you don't have to say stuff like that...Don’t have to protect me from him" you muttered the words quietly unsure if you really wanted to hear his reply. A part of you liked to pretend that he was interested, that he could like you and he wasn't just doing all this out of some strange misplaced feeling of responsibility. You held your breath waiting for him to confirm that that was all it was. He felt responsible for you. He shook his head releasing a deep breath before speaking and even serious tone. "Tinks would you...Fuck okay no...Right. Tink's. Would you like to..." Henry turned his head squeezing his eyes shut and cursed angrily. You frowned at him he looked annoyed and upset. You knew it! You fucking knew it! It was just him taking responsibility for you! He was just being kind...To kind to even let you down easy. Your chest clenched horribly tight and your wind wipe constricted pulling in the most awful of ways. You felt so stupid for ever building your hopes . Of course he didn't really like you....This was Henry Cavill the incredibly handsome actor who'd never have looked twice at you if you hadn't been working along side him. You felt crushed and looked away as tears gathering in your eyes. You were so pathetic a silly little virgin with big ambitions. Maybe Mathew was a safer bet. You tried to slip away from him but he wouldn't let you instead of releasing your hand he moved circling your wrist in a firm grip.

Henry swore under his breath.What the fuck just happened? One moment he had stammered out half of his admission, began to literally ask you out. Then the next you were all but falling to pieces in front of him trying to run off. How? Why?...No he'd fucked up along the way and he couldn't figure out how he'd shot himself in the foot this time. He held your wrist in on hand the other firmly interning  hi fingers with your despite you trying to wriggle away. "Whoa there-hey Tink's?....Whats the matter love?..Y/n could you look at me...Please love?" He asked softly tip toeing forward trying to inch closer but not fall ass first into the water, he settled knocking knees with you. Slowly you sniffled and put on a smile it was clear to see it was a forced one it didn't reach you eyes. He winced seeing the beautiful emeralds clouded by tears. His guts churned he had done that. He didn't like it. "Hey there gorgeous~ what's gotten you so upset?...Look love I was trying to say...That I-I know that I don't have to but I want to...I love complimenting you. You deserve to be told how incredibly beautiful you are" you frowned at him what? But that doesn't make any sense? You tilted your face slightly turning to him trying to conceal your unshed tears not wanting him to think your pathetic. It was a pointless endeavor he was looking right at you holding eye contact he could see them alright there was no denying that. But strangely it was his cheeks that were pink for once and with a lopsided uneasy smile on his face he looked like a little boy trying to dig himself out of a very big hole. He continued stuttering slightly stumbling over his words trying to find the right ones. "I...A-and I was trying to find the words..pfft still am...I-It's just that I'm finding this....Hard? harder then usual for some reason...I just really really wanted to tell you that I...I was serious the other day Tinks, about a possible relationship" His brow was twitching worriedly a he spoke and he still seemed completely out of his depth but he carried on clearing his throat. "I...Y/n I meant every word. I? I'm not just doing these things to protect you from that little prick...hehe That's just a bonus.. I just wish you knew what you did to me...I-Fuck me come on Henry!...I really like you Tinks..Like like" he finished with a small chuckle and sagged his shoulders in relief so glad to have that off his chest he didn't even notice you freezing holding your breath even.

You just gaped at him in that moment everything stopped. 'What? but how? Why? That was why he...It wasn't because he didn't like you? He was nervous and couldn't find the words because he did?...OOOHHH SHIIITT HE WAS FUCKING WHAT?? HE WAS-NO NO no calm...That’s it breath and think...he liked you, he liked you!. He was serious....babe he was MOTHER FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I? WHO AM I?... He meant it, he meant it this is just...wow Henry has meant all these things holy fuck...Oh my god, now that really does change things.GET IN THERE GIRL YOU CLAIM YOUR HONEY BUN!! Hehe more like Claim your sexy bun's...No...No not yet fuck play it cool shit your freaking out and he can see it! Stop it...ouch why do my lungs hurt? Oh I'm holding my breath yep that'd do it now breath...Any time now one big gulp of air should do it....Oh for the love of god! Breath it's not that hard! Just-just calm down and fucking breath!!...Oh fuck he is serious you weren't going crazy!!...Henry Cavill...Want's you? Like holy shit mind blown...Now how do we go about it? How do you start The dating process? Shit this would be so much easier of he didn't still take your breath away!' Henry cleared his throat nodding to himself a reassuring smile on his face and stood taking you with him you were having a meltdown that was clear so there wasn't much you could do. You were to lost in your own thoughts to fight him as he stood with you pulling you closer. He seemed pleased to have gotten that off his chest. He moved holding your hand by your fingers curling them until your hand was held firmly in a princess hold your hand trembled ever so slightly, palm growing sweaty...You hope he didn't notice as he pulled your now cool hand to his face placing another sweet kiss to the back of it snapping you out of your little tizzy finally he pulled away with a wink and grin now seeing you were back from where ever you'd gone to. "I love it when you zone out and glow like that, face all cute and red it normally means I'm doing something right~" you stuttered at him as he spoke in a low easing tone. How he can go from nervous and stuttering to cheeky and confident in seconds always caught you off guard. The man was blessed in so many ways...To many if you were honest.

It was after that a silence fell over you both as you stole glances each other. You shivered meeting his increasingly nervous gaze. Shit this was getting awkward real quick. You shuffled around each other daring the other to ask. Willing for one another to ask the all important question. Do you want have dinner with me?. That's all a simple question. The air felt fragile, neither of you wanted to speak nervous and quivering. Your eyes roamed him questioning. Should you? Was he waiting for you to ask? Or was it to early?  Was he just letting you know?

Henry bit his lip. He was freaking out he had hoped his last comment had lightened the mood and it had, but you were still frozen blushing unsure where to put your face he began panicking. 'Shit. It was to much to soon. Was it? Were you not interested? Did he fuck this up...Fuck sake Henry you just had to be an eager beaver and now you've cocked up royally...Quick change the subject or-or ask...Ask her out dammit don't let this chance pass you by!!' He grunted and took a small step towards you grasping your hand again running his thumb over the back of it. But in the end it was fruitless just as you peeked up at him Lauren had called down to you both. You twisted your head nodding and moved walking over to the bank, but you didn't let got of Henry's hand, instead you interlocked your fingers squeezing trying to get across just how you felt in the tiny gesture. If you didn't have the courage to say anything you could at least try to show it? Lauren and Tomasz began speaking as you and Henry sauntered back to them looking up. Tomaz smiled knowingly at the interlocked hands but chose to say nothing. Instead he rose an eyebrow as you both had pink tinted cheeks. Henry was grinning like a Cheshire cat you were holding his hand! You held onto him and you wasn't letting go! So it meant you were interested, you were just to shy to ask him out. But what did he expect? He'd just sprung it on you- did he really think a shy inexperienced gorgeous young woman who was a self confessed fan was going to ask him out? What a dick!? Well at least he realized his mistake even if it was to late...There was always tomorrow. "Its time to head back it's six already!" Lauren said she was right the sun would be setting soon ,not that it was a problem but after today you all just wanted to sleep. Henry moved pulling you towards the bank releasing you holding out his arms out ready to catch you as you began climbing up the bank. Once you were up and away from the edge he moved hoisting himself up.

The trip back to the base camp was fairly quiet. Henry had fallen instep beside you capturing your hand in his again making you smile as he rubbed his thumb absentmindedly over it. You grinned and swooned inside 'HOLY SHIT TODAY HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A DAY....And oh my fuck He is holding your hand!...Like fuck me! This is insane Henry cavill-superman, Geralt Is holding your mother fucking hand after confessing he likes you in the woods.....And its not a scene THIS WAS REAL FUCKING LIFE AAAAHHHH!!...He is just- Fucking hell! This is just to surreal! And his hand is so big and warm and strong...His fingers are so fucking thick and ugh! God I wonder what they'd feel like if he was to-NO! NO THE SNEK INCIDENT WAS ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY YOU RANDY LITTLE PRAT.... Y/N DON'T YOU FUCKING GO THERE!...But gurl two finger would be the sizze of your mini rabbit...Now there was a though~...Like you had no qualms of him getting a little freaky...Or a lot you'd fucking die on the spot! UGH SHIT YOU FUCKING WENT THERE!!' You tilted your head looking at him again he gave a shy smile as he followed the others in the direction of camp. You and Henry both walked side by side fidgiting both unable to say anything. There was many things to be said but you were both to nervous...And for the first time you both sort of clicked thatthe other was nervous Henry couldn't stand it much longer so spoke up clearing his throat. "H-ahem...How'd you know about the snakes and moon gate?" you smiled quickly jumping to answer his question thankfull he had broke the silence. "Well I grew up here...Once at the set if you look across the road theres the cottage just over the field, with the blue windows? Thats my parents house." You explained  Henry nodded he had seen it when they pulled into the carpark earlier he smiled brightly. And twisted his body useing his interlocked fingers to usher you before him through the slim pating in the younger thick trees. You smiled blushing as his hand skimmed your ass face flaming. 'Did he do that on purpose? Was he trying to feel your ass and mor importantly...Did he like it? Was it to small? To big?OH MY GOD DID IT WRIGGLE AS YOU WALKED!!??' It used to be a pert little ass with all your training and shit but since you'd stopped competing it had gotten a little chubby... Youwwre pulled from your thoughts "The chocolatebox house?" He asked moving his other hand pushing some of the lower branches out of the way as to walked up the hill to the trail that you'd been on earlier. "That’s the one! Born and raised in that house" you explained eyeing him casually he rose his eyebrows looking a little shocked then let out a chuckle under his  breath. "Wow I knew you said we were going to your home but is didn't think we'd be that close, so I suppose we will be meeting your parents then? I can imagine your mummwantingnto come and visit...shes missed you"  henry moved slower not wanting this to end he wanted to drag this out because as soon as you reached the trailers youd both part ways. "Uhuh...Probably at some point she's gonna sneak over. Not today though I texted Mum that we were here late because of traffic so she said to pop by tomorrow to see her, she can't wait for a proper catch up..But dad is on a fishing trip so wont be back for a few days still he has been itching to get out on the lakes again he had to give it up over lockdown he really found it hard" henry nodded he could understand that the lockdown had been tough on everyone. "I bet he is making up for lost time...I didnt understand why they stopped fishing? I mean arnet ou normally alone and far apart do you dont tangle lines or so,thing you looked down with a grim look. "He is trying to, poor sod hasnt cuahgt anyhing in this heat" you explained with a giggle it was just his luck that when he finally got out for a few days the fish wouldn't bite, you could only imagine how irritated the man must be. "But as I was saying these are pretty much my woods in all but name...my brothers and I grew up playing in it I can navigate it with my eyes closed!" You gloated twisting swinging your intwined hands lightly he tipped his head back looking to the trees "Oh really you'll have join me and Kal on a walk sometime? Give us a tour?" You faltered then smiled shyly nodding that sounded fun. "Alright then it'd be nice...There are some hour long walks I wouldn't let Kal off though at this time of year, not with the snakes around I'd hate to see him bit" you offered out casually as you both crept up on the set lights seemingly moving slower but once you were both out of the woods you smiled shyly. Before both releasing hands slowly like a couple of  crushing school children and went your own ways. You were both clear with one another...Weren't you? 'Oh fuck! I didn't reply!? Fuck fuck what if he thought you wasn't interested? That he took your silence as refusal!! OH MY GOD NO NO NO PLEASE GOD NO!' You turned suddenly to him taking a step towards him as he walked away, swallowing curseing yourself for being so shy. Once again you'd held yourself back from what you truley wanted.No! No more, you'd over come this shit for him. He was worth the risk, worth the fear. "Henry! Wait a moment can I just?" He stopped frowning and stood still you jogged the last few steps to him body shaking like a leaf as you aproached him, he stood frim shoulder trembling with his own nerves. You finally made stood befor him gulping watching him with panicked wide eyes. Was he expecting the worse? "I er...Its probably obvious but...I sort of...Kind of...Well fuck it...Ireallylikeyouto" you muttered out your admission and with a rush of forced adrenaline you quickly surged forward darted up onto your tip toes one hand placed on his bicep the other on his chest keeping your balance and just li,ethat your lips connected with his jaw leaving a quick chaste kiss his light scruff...You were aiming for his cheek but the man was huge and your short ass only managed to place a kiss to the side of his mouth. You stood back twisting your hands back into your own top nervously, already regretting kissing the man for many reaons. One of which being now you'd had his skin below your lips you knew no one and nothing will ever compare and second...He was just standing there shocked wide eyed and a flush crept up his face before splitting into a painfully wide grin his eyes despite shocked were twinkling with an almost childish glee. You placed your hands on your own burning cheeks and quickly spun on your heels and all but ran in the opposite direction not stopping to see his face. It wasn't until you'd shut yourself in the trailer you peeked out of the porthole window on the door he had moved, was walking to his own trailer with a spring in his step...He was almost skipping.

You sat down on the floor on the trailer feet down the entrance steps holding a hand to your chest feeling therabbit li,e heart beat leesa thumping morea hum from how frantic it was pumping...It'd be justyour luck the haveaheat attack now you gulped and began laughing smoothing your hands through your hair. 'Holyfuck...I just...I just kissed him!I JUST FUCKING KISSED HIM ALMOST ON THE MOUTH!! AND AND SHIT!...Fuck thatwas just so- his scuff was amazing and and hedidnt thrlwme off him?! He let me he was happy and and...OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE DIDNT EVEN FLINCH... AND AND I KISSED HIM!' you flopped back to lay on the cool lamented floor arms stretched wide laughing and squeeling kicking your legs on the steps you couldn't contain your fangirl! You were blown away. 'I kissed him...And he accepted it...He smiled and was fucking skipping! And he scruff on my nose and cheek UGH~ FUCK YES BEARD BURN? PLEASE DADDY!' You rolled from side to side squealing still far to excited to even think of getting up and moving. It wasn't long before yourveiw ofthe ceiling wasblurred by tiny tears. You sniffled still laughing whilst wiping away atthe tears that trickled free from your eyes, tears of relief and joy. A life time's worth of silly worries releasing when the reality settled in. You were enough for someone? Pretty enough to be liked? Good enough for someone and of all the people he liked you...Henry Cavill liked you back!...Just having someone admit that they liked you would have meant the world to you, let alone someone you looked upto and were crushing on. It was silly but you always felt there was something wrong with you to get this far in life without having a boyfreind or a lover. Fuck all your freinds were married with kids and you were just left on the shelf so to speak. You knew it was mostly due to your brothers but after they left for the armed servicees a girl couldnt help wonder why no one looked her way?...Start to question yourself, your worth. And for the first time thats what you felt worthy and dareyou say desired.

Later on Joey was in Henry's trailer watching the man pacing back and forth in a mess once again. It was deja vu. But this time Freya was here to witness the mental breakdown...Was it a break down sure the man looked worried but also ecstatic! It was a weird combination tosee. Henry was trying to explain bless him but he was cutting himself off with tonnes of mumbled what if's and maybe's. Basically the man was over thinking. "Soo...You want to tell us whats got you so frazzled or what??" He asked but Henry stopped facing the two sat at the table shook his head making one more legnth of the bus and finally stopped paceing and sliced his hands through the air. "I err ...Well...She kissed me...." Headmittd slapping his hips as he lowered his hands to his sides. Joey through his head back scoffing shaking hksheadin disbelief. "Bollocks" Henry sighed ans stopped before the smaller man arms out at his sides palms up shrugging trying to get across he was being deadly serious. "No no seriously Joey...Listen she fucking kissed me!" Henry explained ruffling his own hair as iffinding it hard to be.ive himself... "Fuck off you want me to belive our tiny shy little Tinkerbell just waltzed right up to you and snogged you?" Joey through out in to the trailer letting the words linger. Henry nodded to him then looked to Freya who had been quiet. "There must be more to it then that?" She added wanting to here the whole story behind this one. "When we were in the woods things were great! Then bad then catastrophically bad; Which I'm still confused by how that happened? But the then I clawed it back, climbed out of a hole in put myself in somehow? Still not sure how and once we got back here she kissed me! Likei waswalking back to my trailer and she just called me running uptomesaid he liked me and beforeIcould doanything she kissed me..." freya and Joeylookedateach other quietly beforesquealing and bouncing on the spot clapping each others hands a s they did so. "OH MY GOD! Henry thats great! Was it on the lips? Did you smooh back?....Oh no...No no no what's with that face? For god sake tell me you put some sugar on her and snogged her back!?" Henry sighedrubbing the backof his neck as Freyas excitement drained from her words. She slammed her hands on the tableas joey head butted it grkaning shaking his head. "Henry please pleeeaaasssee tel, me you didnt throwher off!?" He added whining pitifully tAnd rose to face the now twitching darkhaired man. Henry sucked threw his teeth and took the joy with it. "Okay right, she was fast and I wasn't expecting it and I just froze!" They both deflated groaning smoothing their hair out of their faces. "No! No no no Henry nooo you don't- you didn't do that?! Henry please tell me you didn't?!" Joey brust out throwing his hands up in theair as freya shook her head just as exasperated as Joey. Henry held up his hands as if calming a wild beast. "Hang on! Hang on I started the whole thing! Okay just bear with me okay its a long story...I tried to ask her out...It seemed perfect okay? We were there by the little stream...Just me and her okay? Lauren and Tomasz were on the six foot ledge eyeing the setting...and wewereat the moon gate shewas letting the water cool her hands and i just...It seemed perfect" Freya nodded to him it did sound perfect and romantic, she tried not to swoon.

"I...er choked , I couldnt ask her out it...My nerves got the best of me...And she got upset, she looked like she was going to cry...I didnt understand and i just- i quickly calmed her down and admitted my feelings...she didnt say anything back though...I thoughs i'd ballsed it up but then she held my hand and wouldnt let go as we came back.." they both listened carfully to henrys as he explained it took a few moments for them to really take in al, he'd said but once it clicked they looked to each other and grinned Joey spoke fisrt. "Soo? You took our dear little Tink's out into the woods with and admitted you loved her? And then walked back hand in hand?" "And then when you got back she kissed you, but you like a prat didnt kiss her back?....But seriously was it on the lips?" Freya asked leaning her face on her palm eyeing Henry with a sly grin trying to get the details to relay to Tee and Anya no doubt. "No..No it wasnt I think she was aiming for my lips but she's short...and missed but It counts! And i was there grinning like an idiot when she pulled back but what do you expect! Shes fucking gorgeous and she kissed me! I almost had a heart attack when she did it-OH MY GOD IN A GOOD WAY IN A GOOD WAY!!" Henry explained makingnthe both of them laugh. "Okay and what happened in the bad bit in the middle?" Joey pried wanting to kmow the ins and outs. "I just...I fucked up okay I fucking bottled it! I complimented her and she...She sort of freaked out...W-well not freaked o she was all like you dont need to say that Mathew's not here and then I was like I know but I really like you but I waited to long to say it...Couldnt get the right words and I think she was expecting the worst" Freya leaned forward and shook her head. Henry sat down with a huff petting Kal who'd come over to comfort him. "When I choked...I panicked and Instead of asking her out I just said I was serious the otherday" he explained to them Joey held a hand up. "Wait wait wait. What other day? what did you say the other day?" He asked confused. Ah yes, Henry hadn't mentioned what happened the otherday. Shit. "I asked about her and Mathew and sort of pointed out he liked her...Well long story short she tried laughing off the idea of me and her ever making a go of it and I sort of..Well I said why not? And she was...She was shocked when I said that I could see us getting together-that I thought we'd be a perfect couple"Henry said stuttering he yeyed Freya and Joey cautiously as they bpth gapped and him Joey dropped his hand slapping the table. "How the fuck did you miss that out!?" Joey exclaimed Freya nodded wonder just when Henry had managed to keep that quite?. The man was so excited about anythingnthat included Tink's he gushed like a schoolgirl. "Well yeah...I err it crossed my mind...It's just...She seemed open to the idea! But then today I-she seemed upset when i couldnt get my act together...do you think I fucked up not Kissing her back? Like she did see that I was happy! So everythings fine right? " Joey eyed Freya asking her to take this one she was the girl, Joey could only guess so much afterall he was a man. Freya hummed she  could see Henry was really out of it this time he was so flustered. Freya looked on as he ran a hand through his hair he was at a loss. "Well, from where I'm sitting you made it clear you liked her and she held your hand and had a wonderful walk through the forest...Which is pretty romantic~ and she kissed you admitting she liked you back so I'd call that a win Henry, so what if you didn't get an official date but a walk in the woods counts!" She said cheering him up Henry noodded slowly a bright smile creeping across his face. Freya smiled to Joey and winked. Oh yes she was good at this, her and Joey were the fucking dream team!! "I hadn't thought of it like that..It was romantic overall and we both spoke more on the way back and he nabbed another walk in the woods which could be classed as a date? If you squinted." Joey slapped henry on the back smileing like a maniac. "Thats the spirit! You go get her tiger~" he said all three chuckled for a few breaths henry bit his lip looking down then quickly turned to Freya as she began speaking. "Yeah and for the record Henry...Tink's and I were speaking in the car today and she well just...Shes worried of reading the signals wrong...The woman is in love with you we can all see it! She's just shy and doesnt know how to go about it...I'm sure she wanted to ask you out but just couldnt!" "Exatly just like Freya says you are both as bad as each other~but she must really really like you if sheovercome her own shyness to kiss you...Just try to kiss her back next time...Or even instigate it yourself girls like a man who take charge just walk up to her look her in the eyes and give her a big old smooch! "Oh in front of Mathew!" Freya spoke upand Joey hi fived her agreeing gasping to Henry who was laughing out loud already. "YES! Snog her infront of Mathew!...Or like make out! Go the whole hog" joey added making henry roar up slapping his knee imagineig Mathews face when he first kissed Tink's in frontnof him...With any luck he wont have to wait long.

After an almost full night of fangirling the next morning after breakfast you found yourself outside in the shade sat on a soft blankets. You'd all sprawled out under the large tree on the edge of the woods trying to escape the heat, it was nine in the morning and the temperature was already twenty eight degrees. You huffed waiting untill ten to coss over to see your mum. Anya ,Freya and Joey all laid around on the blankets relaxing on your phones or in your case reading the new scripts you were handed this morning.The silence was broken by a high whine and Joey flopped back and huffed. "Its so fucking muggy! I feel gross already!" He cried out you all nodded grumbling but then after a few moments you spoke up. "Its not to bad today" you added eyeing Joey who scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well its alright for some! you can go home and have a proper shower!" Anya nodded groaning along with Freya muttering somthing along the lines of a decent shower with proper water pressure. You could relate washing hair in these fucking trailer showers were a pain you thought yourself lucky to have short hair, fuck rinsing the long locks the girls had. "Look I'm just gonna pop to mums now...If you want to borrow the shower I don't think she'll mind Joey" you offered up, Joey rolled over to his front eyeing you cautiously as you unlocked your phone checking the time nine thirty five, she wouldn't mind if you went over early would she? You didnt think so...Not if you brought Joey, she loves Jaskier! "Really? She'd let me do that?" He asked grabbing the attention of everyone. You shrugged to him standing brushing yourself off. "Well yeah can't think of a reason she wouldn't,between me and you when she watched the first season she had a little soft spot for you so I'm sure if you asked nicely she would do anything for you she thinks your super sweet and adorable...She may demand a hug though" Joey got up locking his phone. "Really what about me?" You jumped and did a ridiculous side step as Henry crept up behind you out of nowhere. You flushed a bright red and giggled nervously...He smiled waitin for his answer and you swallowed quickly scrabbling for words..Preferably english and somehing that makes sense. "I-i  Err well she erm..She feels the same as the rest of the witcher fandom does" whew! 'Good girl you pulled thag out of your ass...Were things gonna be akward between you?.. it didnt feel akward... did it? Maybe no-No it wanst you were just skittish is all!' Henry shifted on his feet crossingnhis arms overnhis chest raisingnhis brow. Damn his beautiful biceps drawingnyou in like a moth to a flame. Your mouth became dry despite wantjngnto drool over him. He was dressed in his costume going fpr an small shoot nothing much just some horse whispeing scenes. "Oh?~ And whats that then?" You could have cursed him, didnt he know how hot he looked? How was you supposed to fucking concentrate when he was out here like a fucking witcher sized lickable snack...Damn you were thirsty more so now that you'd gotten away with kissing him last night. The temptation was just to great.'Be cool be cool be fucking cool!!! Nothing has changed, he is still the amazingly handsome fuckable snack he has always been....and He is your friendly neighborhood crush?? WHO FUCKING LIKES YOU BACK OH MY GOD?!?! HE ISN'T AVOIDING YOU!! YES YES YES GO GIRL WOOO YOU DIDNT FUCK UP!! THINGS WERE OKAY...Right now tone it down and answer the man- calmly like normal be cooool don't think about the kiss...The kiss that you stole...That was definetly the hottest kiss of your life and he didn't even do anything, god his skin was so hot and rugged and NO!...Right right cool as a cucumber-NOPE no long cylindrical objects today thank you very much!!...Well...Maybe later...Never say never~' Henry's lip twitched he could see you were stuck in your own thoughts probably godsmacked he was acting so casually, if only you knew he was loosing his shit inside quivering with the fear of things being awkward....But they didnt seem to be ad for that he was thankful. "Well she thinks th-that Geralt...Needs a good slap for how you treated muggin's here..." you said finally managing a fw breaths to in what you hoped helped you manage an even tone nodding to Joey. He looked away biting the inside of his lip growling softly clenching his fists. "..Fuck." he growled looking mildly concerned, you wiped your sweaty palms on your shorts taking his distraction as a moment to calm yourself and even your breathing you quickly spoke to Joey. "Joey go get your stuff quick and we can go visit mum" he nodded and left in the direction of his trailer. You eye'd henry and he seemed worried? Like he it was important to him that your mum liked him. You placed a hand on his tense bicep squeezing quickly. He looked to you golden eyes lighting up and he place his palm over yours in an attempte to keep it there. You flushed when he stepped forward casually letting your bodies lightly graze one another. You looked to Freya and Anya who were no help watching from the sidelines giggling between themselves, the words cute and adorable being thrown around. "I-if it's any constilation...She loved you as Superman...And man from uncle, she didn't want to watch it with me at first because she didn't like the tv series but in the end she was over the moon and got it on dvd that day incase Netflix ever deleted it...So I'm sure if you wanted a shower she'd let you" He quickly perked up standing taller squeezing your fingers lightly and sighing relaxing the worry on his face melted away. "So she does like me?! Oh good god thats a relief!" you didn't really understand why he'd got upset...It was almost as if he wanted to have impressed her. He looked over your head seein Joey return a small wash bag, towel and a bundle of folded clothes to change into. Henry patted your hand and released you letting you take a step back. "Well I will let you go, tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't meet her today but I look forward to it soon..I best get back before they send a search party" you smiled cheekily, the look caught him off guard but he tilted his head ready to listen to what ever little comment you were about to make. "Yes Geralt You mustn't keep your little pony waitng~" you stated giggling as he rolled his eyes sighing as everyone laughed. He pointed at you as he walked back wards. "I'm warning you~ one of these days girl~" you thighs clentched and you almost whined. 'Fuck why was that so sexy?...Oh god why is he still teasing you? Is it worse today? It felt worse already!...I wonder if he'd call me that again if I asked...Like Henry that made me wet say it again!...Dont think about girl in the bedroom...dont ou-ah fuck he would definitely call you Iittle girl...and fuck me if he does I'm gonna fucking drench through like omg daddy pu-lease~"  you swear sometimes his whole misson in life is to fucking ruin your undewear and make you squee! You squinted at him as he smirked oh her thought he was getting away with it? Not today! "Oh I'm so scared Big boy, what you gonna do ask your little pony to run me over?" The others oooed as you stepped up for the first time playfully snapping back as the man. Henry faltered tiltjn his head slowly  in what could only be seen as 'Oh?...what was this? Tink's is trying to play?' He grinned devilishy and spoke loud and clear hands on his hips. Your body ceased and you rubbed tyour thighs together subtly as Henry stood tall and  began making more of an anouncement then a bit of banter. "Boy?! why you little?-Just you wait Tinks one day I'll show how much of a big boy I truly am, then you'll be singing a different tune I guarantee it~" he called out you gapped at him shrinking and flushing your tummy clentched and body shuddered as his shouted words carried across the open space of the car park. So much so that even the passing crew had looked over and had a chuckle 'Oh fuck me!? He had to go there HE JUST HAD TO DO IT!! He fucking went there sexy kissable lickable mother fucker...And thats a record-knickers destroyed before brunch...He is getting more efficient WHAT A DICK!.....yes what a dick indded~ How do I even respond to that?...There is no response to I'm gonna fuck you up with my MASSIVE DONG and mad you Sing...It not much of a threat either~FUCK NO DONT THINK ABOUT IT-BUT FUCK YES YOUD LOVE THE CHANCE, RIDE OR DIE BABY! WOO!' You flushed and growled trying to contain your embarrassment but there was no where you could put you face you just had to let this one go you bit your lip and turned away from him as he winked and turned back around...He knew he had won.

Henry 1 Tinks 0 Once Henry was out of sight the others stopped laughing and Anya spoke up first thankfully letting the whole Henry threatening to fuck you silly blow over. unlike Joey who was nudging and winking at you as if you say 'Get in there girl! You go get yourself some lovin~' you slapped at Joey's stomach and pointed at him making him wriggle his brows as Anya spoke. "So what about me? Think I could wrangle a shower?" You opened your mouth to speak but Freya quicklly pitched in. "Yeah me too!" You smiled at Freya and Anya and nodded to them both who grinned wide thankfull that they could finally have a real shower. "Of course you can we have two so one of you might have to wait but I'm sure she'll feed you in the mean time...Go get your stuff..." you all jumped when Joey through his head back with a victory cry! "Feed me? I'm getting a shower and food!? Oh my god your mother sounds like a saint!" He said sounding genuinely excited to get to your house.

It was no longer then ten mineuts before you had all crossed the field and entered the back garden passing the well manicured garden and veggie patch to the kitchen door. You didn't bother to knock instead walked right into the medium sized cottage kitchen. You ushered the other three in through the door and called out for your mum. "Mum!? I'm home!" You heard some mpvement and claws scratchingnon the floor the excited yippjng of Nemi your jums dachsund you crouched and opened your ar,s catching her as she flung herself at you wriggling and crying "Hey there Nemi baby~ oh my love? Look at you you little chunky pudding? how ae you sweety? Such a good girl~" you cuddled her and then placed her back down "Go! go find mummy got get her baby~" true to form she raced off into the house barking he head off. You smoled to the others seeing they had been cooingmover the small dog. Then your mum came through the door and swallowed you up in a hug. "Oh gosh y/n sweety!! Come here let me look at you?!" You flushed as she held you at arms lenght before reaching forward again squishing you tightly to herself. You winced at how tight she held you and tried wrigglin free. "Mum whoa okay...wow I missed you to hey come here let me introduce you...This is Joey, Anya and Freya, Sadly Henry had to go over a few shots and couldnt make it, he feels bad and said he cant wait to meet you" you mum quickly gave them each a hug..Joeys lasting a little longer then the girls, she was biased and couldn't help it. She pulled back and crossed to the kettle ready to make some tea. "Henry?" She called over her shoulder you sighed, you'd tried bot to gush ablut him to much...but she should knlw who he is by now..Especially since youd been crushing on him since forever! "Oh fuck Geralt he plays Geralt mum...The white haired one" she smiled wide nodding finally placing the character. "Oh now I gotcha well im sure I will see him soon. Anyway Its nice to meet all of you~ y/n has told me all about you!" She said you could see she was excited about having these famous people in her house and you couldnt blame her, you were to when you first met them all. It was sweet seeing her all giddy. "Good things we hope mrs l/n" Freya spoke up politely and your mum waved her off rolling her eyes as the young woman. "Oh god none of that call me Terry...Gosh you must be famished! That long trip down here nothing but nasty greasy take away food, and I doubt you ate well last night here sit I will whip somthing up!" She said getting ready to race arou d the kitchen and make some snacks. You stopped her before she became to hurricane you knew and loved. "Actually mum they were hopeing for a shower" you said and all three nodded sheepidhly each adding ther own pleases and 'if its not to much trouble' you mum widened her eyes and nodded. "Oh of course of course, how silly of me! I dread to think what those trailers are like! But ladies first in this house I'm afraid young man" Joey held up his hands and smiled. "That's no problem Terry I can wait" your mum smiled and quickly ushered him to sit down at the table and then started rustling through the cupboards for some biscuits. "Right well he looks safley occupide so we should be safe to leave him you guys follow me we have a bathroom upstairs and down" you said leading them through the kitchen to the hall.

It was ten mineuts later you found your mum in the living room watching Joey munching on a toastie haveing the time of his life with three tiny dachsund puppies? "Oh my god! mum? you didn't tell me Nemi had pups?!" You admonished quickly kneeling down to the floor cooing at them Joey smiled rolling the ball to you and they dutifully chased it yipping the whole time pouncing at one another. "Yes well it wasn't really planned... Harriots boy got her...He was only nine months old so we didn't think nothing of it....Then she got fat and here we are five pups" you stopped looking to her seriously placing a hand to catch the lighter of the three as they climbed up making a rather loud noise begging for attention. "Five but theres only three...Did the others you know?" You quickly glanced down to the pup in your lap tickling its tummy placating them. "Oh goodness no they have gone to their forever homes! The black female is a surprize and we are holding her here untill the little girls birthday at the end of the week and the males family are organizing travel from devon neither can drive they should be collecting him next week if not Euan said he will drop him off they seem like a nice couple recently retired and want a little pup to love and spoil" you smiled feeling better as your mum explained things, atleast they were all going to loving homes. "Aww their so sweet I wish I'd been here to see them born I bet they were so tiny~ is that a dapple?" You were interrupted by a squeal and turned seeing Freya standing at the door fresh in set of clothes looking relaxed. "Holy fuck puppies! Come come! Gimme! Come to aunty Freya! Oh look at that little pudding~ yes awoo to you to baby!" You laughed as Freya moved faster then you'd ever seen her move batting Joey away. "I left it on for you Joey go go! And I will take that!" She said snatching the black and tan pup from Joey and sitting down on the floor cooing and playing with the tiny dog.Your mum got up quickly heading to the kitchen and returned with two plates. "Yes shes a beauty isn't she?" You looked to the dog and smiled agreeing with your mum as she nodded to the colorful dapple puppy in your hands, she definitely was a pale beige grey with a mix of bright coffee and dark grey splotches. You rolled her over to her back tickling her chin and she quickly arched up closing her eyes enjoying the pamper. She would be a spoiled little madam that much was certain~ "I had her throughly checked out at the vets, apparently dapple's are more prone to problems but she is perfectly healthy and called a black tan brindle dapple...Cute huh?...Here you go dear eat up!" You watched as your mum handed Freya a plate with a toastie on it. "Its sweet, cherry pie filling" Freya smiled thanking her and quickly began nibbling it whilst playing with the pups who now licked at the sugar on her fingers. You leaned over the tiny dapple giggleing blowing a little puff of air on her tummy making her jump tilting her face at you yipping playfully trying to bite and paw at your hair. "She really is beautiful and her eyes their so blue...So gorgeous and cute~ get a decent amount for her I suppose" you moved to put her down sighing wishing you'd been here a litter of puppies must have been fun right? Playing with puppies all day? Why couldn't she have had pups in lockdown? "I would but...No shes a gift" your mum sighed watching as the small pup tried to wrangle your attention again. "Oh Really? Like for the fathers family?" Your mother smiled softly and leaned down scopping up the tiny pup, and she was tiny smaller then the other two she was the size of your mums cupped hands, the tiny girl whined softly then was quickly placed back in your lap. You cooed at her again making her jump up trying to give you kisses wriggling her little butt wagging her tail. You giggled leaning down to her as she yipped again then began nipping your nose. Your mum moved in kissing your head. "Happy late birthday sweet heart" you froze looking at her you could hear Freya gasp watching from the other side of the rug. "What? You can't be serious? Mum you can't give me a puppy" you asked but cuddled the tiny pup to your chest wanting to keep her so bad. But you couldn't accept...Could you? I mean Henry had Kal on set so? Doesn't that mean you can have a puppy in your trailer? "Oh I am...You looked after your father and I during that whole lockdown shitshow, sheilding just as carefully as us so you could take him to chemotherapy and do all our shopping and prescriptions...We missed your birthday so we decided this is our thanks...We know she's in good hands and you'll take good care of her...Besides now that your a big time actress you'll need a companion for on the road. Like your friend's doggy cow was it?" You laughed wiping at your eyes tears welling just overwhelmed with the idea of getting to keep the tiny dog. You shook your head at her believing kal was called cow. "Kal mum k-a-l you know...Like superman?" You mum clapped her hands and laughed out loud. "My god that makes more sense! I thought it was cow...Like you know 'Moo'...Your father and I couldn't figure it out~ Any way your puppy is eleven weeks old and vaccinated chipped-all using your details... We got her a bed and collar lead food ect for you to take so once you set off for london you can take her with you! Shes why we didn't tell you about Nemi it was a surprize" you looked down at your new puppy who was howling her little head off throwing a fit over the fact you stopped paying her attention you grinned at her and moved down kissing her little head , she jumped up pawing at your hair pulling and mouthing on it. "Oh I must warn you shes a bit of a singer...Needs to be center of attention and if she isnt she'll let you know about it!" You giggled she reminded you of Joey you smiled holding her up. Freya snorted "Now who does that sound like?~" Freya snorted and you chuckled "Who does what sound like?" You all looked up seeing Anya enter the room and smiled Freya was quick to hold up a puppy "Anya look! Puppies!" Anya grinned and quickly sat down taking one off Freya petting it cooing softly. "Oh my look how cute they are!? They are so tiny~ I need one to snuggle daily!" Freya smiled and nodded to you who was still quite emotional trying to think of a name for your cradled pup. "Well your in luck Terry gave that one to Tinks so we're gonna have one onset! For real to steal and snuggle" Anya smiled so that was what had you choked up. They watched as you looked up a grin on your face and held up your yapping puppy. "Anya here you go a cherry pie toastie~" you mum called out handing the second plate to her, she smiled greatfully and bagen eating face lighting up at the taste. Both women watched as you held your new found baby coddling her and playing completely awe inspired by the size of her. "Joey...Shes my baby joey! My little Jojoba~ my very own bard yesh you are oh thats right! Mummys gonna spoil you rotten yes I am my baby little sausage!" Your mum lifted a small blanket as Freya and Anya laughed out loud moving to put the two dogs back into the playpen still eating their snacks.Poor Joey. He was going to love this.

"Go go show her off but remember she cant go on the floor yet...Not that I imagine your going to put her down" you smiled and turned facing the door and bumped into Joey you grinned at him and held her up to his face as she started 'singing' as she wasn't being snuggled correctly. "Joey meet Joey! The best little singer in town" Joey stuttered and moved to pet the small pup then tilted around her looking at you shocked only just relising what youd said. "What the-is that one yours?" You smiled at him nodding proudly and pulled he rto your chest letting her snuggle in you your boobs rubbing her chin. "Uhuh! Mum gave me one! My Joey!" He smirked watching you fawn over her and chuckled. "Aw he's so cute....Right thats it I accept Tinks we now have a son! Its official I shall teach him-" you snorted and interrupted his dramatic announcement. "Her" he faltered and frowned tilting his head. "What?" he asked not sure he heard you correctly. "She's a girl Joey" you giggled and he shook his head baffled looking between you and the dog. "Then you cant call it Joey...Its a boys name....Call her Josie or Joyce" he offered alternatives which made you cackle this was pay back for the whole tumblr thing...And every other time he's embarrassed you and Henry...Oh yes revenge was sweet~ "Her name is Joey and thats final, you should be happy listen she makes a lot of noise, she sings just like her uncle Joey~ don't you like her singing?" You teased holding he out to him again making him wince at how high pitch the sound was you could hear Anya and Freya laughing at him from behind. "Shes got a set of lungs on her I'll give her that much" he said still wincing and patter her head in a hopes of shutting her up. "Well I think she had a perfect singing voice~ See shes singing for her mummy...Arent you princess oh come here my baby~" you said cradling her again completely in love with her already. "Well she is cute...When she isn't making all that racket" Anya scoffed trying to bite back a laugh and Freya smirked saying outloud what you were all thinking. "pfft could say the same for you...Definitely Joey" you all walked past him making your way outside. Your mum had conveniently packed Joeys puppy pack in a small box for Anya to carry and a slamm princess bed was tucked under Freyas arm...she stopped by Joey and thrust it into his arms. "Come on then you time to earn your keep~" he stuttered but sighed as he soon found himself lugging the box Anya was carrying to. "Joey~" you called trying to get her used to her name as you walked across the field. "Yes Tinks" Anya and Freya shared a look then bellowed a laugh and so it begins. Joey sighed but smiled secretly excited to have a little pup about he was definitely gonna steal her for cuddles.

[unreachablevoice]

Hello...

...okay, I can explain *dodges a flying tomato*

I know I've been gone for a pretty long time *catches a flying shoe*

umm... can you also throw the pair of this? I need a pair to be able to wear this *dodges a flying toaster*

Hey! That's dangerous! *dodges a flying fork* pLEASE DON'T KILL ME

... *awkwardly coughs*Anywho, how have you all been? I hope you're all okay and well. If not, then, I hope you get better!

Life's just been pretty hectic. The last time I posted, I had exams lining up and a lot of homework and projects. Right now, my schedule's finally been pretty lenient and honest to God, my finals is just around the corner (my left brain: lol you call this lenient?) and after that I'm pretty much FREE! WOOHOOOOOOO

...uh yeah, that's that.

I'm also really sorry that I basically just went on like a semi???? hiatus???? but like not really????? I dunno???? The point is, I'm sorry for disappearing all of a sudden. I'm not dead don't worry (lol I wish). I'm still pretty much kicking and alive XD

On another note, I now have Patreon! :D

With this, you can have early access to chapters and some artworks. Honestly, I don't even know why I decided to create one. Just thought it'd be neat to you know earn income hahaha plus, with this, I think I'll finally stop being lazy (My right brain: but we need lots of breaks! My left brain: no) and at least try to post regularly/with a schedule ^^;

Okay, I think that's all??? I'll be posting approximately ummm 1 or 2 days from now??? I mean I already posted there on Patreon so umm yeah there's at least a one/two-day difference. But only today... or like the next few days??? Because the schedule that I came up with is like each chapter that I post, there's going to be at least a three/two-week space between and I'll post first on Patreon, then I'll post here on Tumblr and ao3 and wattpad after another week.

So, with that, I'll at least have some semblance of an organized life lol

Oof and also, I can see that people umm dmed(??? is that the right term????) me and oof okay I'm sorry I didn't answer, again, because of reasons, and I might answer umm later??? because I'm kinda nervous because I dunno what to say and why did y'all even dm(is? this? correct? or? not????) me but yeah I'm still pretty happy and if you wanna talk then go ahead and explode on my uhhh chat??? haha

So, yeah that's it. See y'all next time and stay tuned (for about like 2 or 3 days???) for the next chapter of Wear Your Heart On Your Wrist And Together, We'll Soar To The Sky (gosh I really have to stop giving my fics long ass titles or at least give them an acronym) although if you can’t wait and want to be able to read it already, it’s already up on Patreon! byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[retrievablememories]

style | jaehyun

title: style pairing: jaehyun x black!reader genre: fluff request: “I was watching the bts for the photo shoots for neo zone and made think about how fun it would be on set with them. Do you think you could write something more jaehyun centric about being like a new makeup artist on set. It can be a black reader as well if that’s cool with you” word count: 2.8k warnings: none that i can think of except some cursing a/n: oof okay my mind somehow skipped over the “new” part so the reader in this fic is actually pretty experienced w/ being a makeup artist. i could rewrite it but i didn’t want to wait any longer to post this fic since it’s already been a couple weeks since the request. i’m sorry if this is not what you were looking for anon, let me know 🤕

Being a Black makeup artist in a mostly Korean music industry can be weird at times. It’s not the life of roses and perfume that many others at the beginning of your career would’ve had you think it is, but you have managed to carve out your own niche. You have friends and people who support you, and a nice apartment you’re able to pay for with the salary you receive from SM, which is enough for you.

It also doesn’t hurt to be surrounded by pretty men all the time.

You worked for many different groups and solo acts before landing a steady job at SM Entertainment—some were nicer than others, and some were straight-up assholes. You can’t say you miss those days much, especially when you were just starting out and not always certain of where your next paycheck was coming from. Now, your most consistent clients have been NCT, which you are grateful for; they’re always pleasant and fun to work with.

Your latest work with them involves NCT 127’s new album, Neo Zone. You’re coming in today for the first day of the album jacket photoshoot, which you’re excited about; you haven’t seen any of the NCT members since you worked on Coming Home. You don’t mind doing makeup for the other SM acts, but there’s a certain connection you have with this group that you just can’t explain.

With your makeup bag on hand, you enter the studio where the boys are going to be shooting today, already taken aback by the loud orange checkerboard pattern on the floor. There are even garish deer heads and hooves mounted up on the walls; SM has really outdone themselves this time.

“Y/N, it’s you!” Jaehyun looks excited to see you, and his enthusiasm rubs off on you; you shoot him a welcoming smile back.

“Hi Jaehyun,” you say, walking over to where he’s standing. Jaehyun doesn’t hesitate to open his arms to give you a hug, and you appreciate the soothing smell of his cologne before pulling away.

Jungwoo and Mark run up to you too, crushing you between them in a hug, and pretty soon you end up embracing all of the boys as they come over for your attention.

“Wow, that is some hairstyle…” you say as you pull away from Johnny. You reach up to pinch one of his twists between your fingers, examining it with a look halfway between mortification and amusement.

“Do you like it?” he asks, an equally awkward grin on his face.

“Um…I’m sure the fans will love it.” You can only chuckle and pat him on the arm before making your way back over to Jaehyun to start on his look for the shoot. You pull your supplies out of your makeup bag as Jaehyun watches you from the chair; his attention is eventually drawn away when Taeil comes over to show him something on his phone.

When you have everything ready and have pinned his hair out of the way, you start painting his face.

Jaehyun only has one AirPod in his ear; you’re not sure where the other is, but you figure it must be with Taeil or one of the other members. You think he’s just listening to music without paying you any mind, but he says suddenly, “I like when you come around.”

“Oh, really? Why is that?”

“I dunno, your makeup just looks better…” He lowers his voice as if he doesn’t want the other makeup artists to hear, and you laugh inwardly.

“Maybe it’s because I know how to use the right foundation shade.” You both laugh openly at that, and Haechan takes notice, dropping in beside Jaehyun.

“What are you two laughing about? I wanna laugh too,” the younger man says, his eyes round and mischievous.

“Just the fact that it’s no fun to walk around with makeup looking like Casper the Ghost,” you say, and Haechan scoffs.

“Try telling that to….” Haechan’s eyes dart around, and you suspect the makeup artist he wants to throw shade on must be at the shoot with them right now. “...nevermind, that’s a discussion for the group chat!” Instead, he goes over to Taeyong to bother him.

“Group chat? I feel left out now,” you say jokingly, continuing with Jaehyun’s makeup.

“You don’t have one with your stylist friends or something like that?” he asks.

“Yes, but I wanna know what you guys are talking about…” You raise your eyebrows. “That’s just nosy me, though.”

“Nothing interesting,” Jaehyun replies, though you can tell by the look in his eyes that that’s far from the truth.

“Mhmm, sure.” You purse your lips together and shake your head. “Don’t let me find out you’re on some fuckboy shit.”

“If I was, would you punish me?” Jaehyun says this loud enough to draw a few mildly scandalized glances from the stylists and makeup artists standing nearby, and you duck your head, feeling equal parts tickled and embarrassed.

“You’re a mess, Jaehyun. I’m trying to keep this job, okay?” you reprimand him, but there’s no seriousness in it at all.

“Of course, you’re right—I’d never want to see my favorite staff member gone.”

“Shiiit, now I’m just a staff member?” You put a hand over your heart, acting hurt. You both laugh and joke around for a while longer until you’re done with his look for the photoshoot.

Once you finish with Jaehyun’s makeup, you do Mark and then Taeil, chatting casually with them all the while. Taeil is still a bit quiet with you, but he’s incredibly funny when he wants to be, and you can always appreciate a good joke or two. You know Jaehyun “flirts” with you noticeably more than the other members do, but you’ve gotten used to all their subtle differences and you don’t think to chalk it up to more than innocent playfulness—or over-playfulness, maybe.

You’re always somewhere nearby in the background, ready to jump in and retouch someone’s foundation or redo a highlight whenever necessary. You sit back and watch Jaehyun take his solo pictures, admiring your good work on his makeup—or maybe his handsomeness all on its own. He has a good face, you think, and try to convince yourself that you’re only thinking about it in terms of how easy his features are to work with.

Your front row view of the show is interrupted when one of the stylists comes over to ask you a question, and you’re pulled to another area to handle an issue. There’s never not something to do on days like these, though you don’t really mind it; being busy doesn’t bother you as much when the work is fairly fun. 

The other boys continue playing around on the set as they wait their turns for solo photos and then group pictures. You eventually end up back in front of Taeil again, fixing a spot on his foundation with a Q-tip as a hairstylist fusses over his strands.

You sit on one of the couches on set for a moment’s break after finishing with Taeil. Johnny comes creeping over to you with the polaroid camera he’s been carrying for the past half-hour, and you can already guess what’s about to happen. You hold your hands up, blocking your face.

“I know you’re the aspiring photographer and all, but can you give me and my visage a break?”

“Just one?” Johnny begs, giving you his best pout. You give him an unimpressed look and cross your arms, but your face eventually cracks when he keeps throwing you exaggerated pouty expressions.

“It’s not happening! I’m not even prepared for pictures today,” you insist. Your complaints are interrupted when Haechan slides onto the couch beside you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“Don’t you want to take a picture with me, at least?” He tries to press his cheek against yours and you gently chide him about his makeup, not wanting to create more work for the other girls on set who’ll have to fix it. “I knoww, I knoww. If you take a picture with me, I’ll stop!”

You sigh in mock distress. “Fine, one photo! Can’t keep these paparazzi off my back, can I?” You and Haechan end up striking multiple poses for Johnny while he pretends to be an enthusiastic photog capturing a celebrity couple.

“Hope Jaehyun doesn’t get too jealous,” Johnny says absentmindedly, holding one of the shiny polaroids between his fingers. You cock your head at that.

“Now why would he get jealous?”

“Because that’s how Hyung is,” Haechan replies, quickly getting off the couch and trying to usher Johnny off the scene. He acts as if the older man has just said something he wasn’t supposed to, and Johnny belatedly notices his “mistake” with an awkward shrug. Before he leaves, he hands you one of the polaroids of you and Haechan.

“Put it in a scrapbook or something!”

“Sure, Johnny.” You stare at the small photo in your hands, though Johnny’s words stay floating around in your mind well after the first day’s shoot is over.

The next day is hectic, much like the last, though the set is quite different this time around. You definitely feel a bit better about having more space to move around in without other staff members practically standing on top of each other. Johnny’s hair is back to its normal state, though now Taeil and Haechan have braids; you can’t help but squint your eyes at that, though you say nothing. It’s not worth falling out with the hairstylists again—you learned early on that these companies are gonna do whatever the hell they want.

“You look really good today—all thanks to me, of course,” you tell Jaehyun after he finishes recording his part for the BTS video. “Aren’t I magic?”

“Don’t knock the hairstylists, they wouldn’t like to hear that,” he snickers.

“I’d like to do more than knock them, but we ain’t got time for that.” You wave your hand and change the subject. “Did you enjoy yesterday’s shoot? I dunno about you, but I think it went pretty well. Hopefully today is the same.”

Jaehyun nods his agreement. “It was great.” Then he pauses before casually mentioning, “I heard you and Haechan were getting close yesterday, though.” You notice Doyoung and Yuta out of the corner of your eye, lingering around as if they’re waiting on their turn for photos, but it’s clear that they’re eavesdropping from the looks on their faces.

“Yes, so sue me for hanging out with an NCT member that isn’t you, how could I ever betray you in such a way?” You cover your mouth in faux horror and the other man shakes his head, grabbing your elbow.

“I don’t know if my heart will ever recover,” he says, going along with your act. He pulls on your arm and brings your hand to chest. “Feel it—it’s broken!”

This feels like a bold move even for him, and Doyoung makes a noise in the background that confirms your surprise. You whip your head towards the other two men and they immediately scatter, finding other things to preoccupy themselves with to avoid your scolding.

Jaehyun’s heartbeat is a little faster than it should be under your palm, and at this point you can probably guess why. Johnny’s words and Haechan’s near panic come to the forefront of your memory again. You behave as casually as you can, drawing your hand back to your side and quirking an eyebrow at him. Someone calls your name from the other side of the room, and you go to see what they’re hollering about, but not before calling over your shoulder,

“Your heart rate’s elevated, might wanna see a doctor about that!”

You end up having to retouch Jaehyun’s makeup more than usual throughout the shoot because of his playing around with the other boys, whether it’s riding in a shopping cart or trying to pedal a damn bicycle up the wall, and you almost have to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose.

“You’re really gonna make me work for this job, huh?” You put your hands on your hips after finishing your quick fixes.

“Maybe.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“So, you admit you think I’m cute?”

“What do you expect me to say? You certainly ain’t ugly...don’t let it go to your head, though.” You pat his shoulder and steer him towards the cameras. “Now go on! Don’t make me have to stay past midnight fixing your makeup all day.”

The rest of the jacket shooting goes smoothly—as smoothly as anything can on a busy set, anyway. Yuta even manages to get you to dance with him to one of the songs blaring over the studio’s speakers, though you scurry off again as soon as you see Johnny coming with his phone in hand. You know his blackmail folder must be huge at this point, and you’re not trying to become a part of the collection.

The boys come over for their hugs again as you pack up your makeup bag. Pretty soon, the only one left without an embrace is Jaehyun.

“Saving the best for last?” you ask as he watches you. He really does do that a lot, you realize.

He shrugs as if he’s unaffected by your compliment, but his dimples peeking out give him away every time.

“You can just say it, you know.” You look around and lower your voice. Though the playlist is still cycling through as loud as ever, you’d rather not have anyone else’s ears in your conversation right now.

“Say what?” he whispers back, still smiling.

“Hello! I think we both know.”

“You want to hear me say it that bad?”

“That’s rich coming from you! I’m not the one who pulled a move literally out of a kdrama earlier.” As you speak, you accidentally knock over a bottle of setting spray on the table, and both of you reach for it at the same time. 

Jaehyun’s fingers linger on yours, sending little sparks of excitement up your arm and through your body. You risk a look at him, and although you’re supposed to be keeping it low right now, you feel as if you’re the only two left in the room. He leans closer, and his familiar scent hits your senses again, threatening to wrap you up permanently in its hold.

“You’re right. I like you.”

Jaehyun picks up the fallen bottle and presses it into your hand, and it takes you a few seconds to react and put it back in your bag.

“I knew it,” you lie. You’re not sure why you feel so nervous about this, or why you feel like you’re doing something you shouldn’t. It’s not uncommon for idols to date their stylists; after all, they’re around each other all the time. But that doesn’t mean the company or anyone else will approve.

“Yes, Detective, you’ve figured out the big mystery.” You glare at Jaehyun for that, but he remains unphased. He turns around and leans against the table, giving off a casual air when he’s really checking to make sure no one is heading in your direction. “So...what do you say?”

You decide to draw this out a little longer just because you can. “To what?”

“I know you like me too.”

“Maybe,” you say, mimicking his earlier answer. “What are you gonna do about it if I do?”

“Make you my girlfriend, duh.” He says it with all the confidence in the world, but then backtracks a little when you give him an amused look. “Only if that’s what you want, though; we don’t have to do anything if—”

“You’re overthinking it!” You shake your head as you put the last thing in your makeup bag and zip it up. “I want to. Really. But you’re gonna have to take me out first.”

“Just tell me where you wanna go. I’ll take you anywhere.”

You sling your bag over your shoulder and sigh. “Have you always been this good with words? Or is it just because I like you?”

Jaehyun pushes himself off the table and steps closer, crowding into your personal space. “You tell me.”

“Don’t be so obvious.” You step back when you notice one of the managers’ eyes lingering where you two are standing. “Just...text me. You know how to reach me, right?”

“Of course.”

You continue stepping backwards towards the entrance, not wanting to let him out of your sight just yet. You smile and wave with both hands, still playing the role of “makeup artist to a super-famous kpop idol” and not “departing girlfriend” like you want to. “Then we’ll talk next time! Bye, Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun waves back, and you don’t turn around until you’re well into the hallway and one of the other boys has called him to hurry up. Leaving the building, you lean against one of the outside walls to take a breather before you head to your car.

“Holy shit.”

[canaryatlaw]

oof I'm tired. today was fine. I woke up with cramps and not feeling well so I decided to work from home, which was okay because my work buddy was going to be in the office. another long morning in court, but it was productive at least. we also got 3 clinic cases in, so that was good. but yeah, overall pretty hectic. one of the cases went a bit off the rails so I was kinda upset about that, but I know there really wasn't anything I could've done to fix the situation. Roommate came home and we chilled for a bit, and then at 7 we recorded our podcast episode. after that I just chilled out on my computer for a bit longer until I decided to shower and start getting ready for bed, and now I'm here and like I said quite tired because it's almost 1:30 am and I stayed up too late watching random youtube videos, so I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight friends. Happy weekend.