#but only if it's mine. or the person i have sexual/romantic feelings for.

[bruiisedfawn]

i wanna hear his bones pop🗯 so bad ngl

[malachitezmeyka]

Suiren is Aplatonic

[venuslarkspur]

Personal headcanon of mine that would like to share. Batsis!Reader was personally blessed by Aphrodite when she was little and it's why she can add to her growing harem without much struggle

Cassandra during a family meeting: Do you guys ever wonder how Batsis!Reader can get anyone, no matter the age difference, hero and villain, to hook up/date her?

Jason watching Batsis get flirted on by Roy for like the millionth time: Only god knows Cass. Only God knows.

Meanwhile 5-6 year old Batsis on the Manor's rooftop stargazing with Aphrodite

Aphrodite: You know what? I like you little human. You entertain me, I haven't felt this relaxed and at peace in centuries! And for that, I shall give you my blessing.

Cue Batsis!Reader getting her charisma maxed out and continue skyrocketing even after being maxed out. Also getting a sex drive that lets her sexually keep up with any partner she wanted, basically making her the best hoe out there without a doubt

5-6 year old Batsis: Ok :v

Omg yes, I fw this.

Warning: very minor nsfw but nothing that bad is mentioned, cuss words, mentions of addiction, not proofread.

Like Batsis is semi aware of her talents and charms and also has SOME control over them, but sometimes she can meet some dickheads who try and gain her attention after she’s madeit clear she doesn’t want them.

How some of the JL are charmed

- I feel like Diana is partly aware of this connection between Batsis and Aphrodite and that’s how Diana for the most part hasn’t surrendered to her charm. Diana just loves her for her for the most part.

- John Stewart is unique, he fell in love with Batsis for much more than just her beauty but rather how she conducts herself as a person, these two are my faves.

- Barry Allen pre his marriage with Iris did find Batsis attractive and very charming, though I imagine at this time she’s dating someone else. So nothing becomes of this despite Batsis knowing she could have him if she wanted.

- Zatanna and Batsis have always been flirty with each other, they charm each other quite easily, they are either besties or girlfriends there’s no in between, the two of them and John sometimes throuple as well so take that as you will.

- Hal Jordan was easy work, he was putty the day he met Batsis. This was in the early days when Batsis definitely wanted to piss off Bruce, so why not solidity it by not only sleeping with and dating his colleague but also the colleague he can’t stand the most.

- Yeah the vast majority are just immediately drawn to her beauty and grace. She’s matching all of their freak.

——————

- But if we are talking about Villains, Deathstroke is one of her past; he was an easy bag she didn’t even have to pull out any tricks. But when she gets a bit older and matures more she stops their dynamic immediately.

- For some crack however Batsis has contemplated how funny it would be if she married Ra’s Al Ghul, like Damian having to address her as grandmother? Bruce literally having a seizure if he finds out. This thought is extinguished IMMEDIATELY however. Although she does like a challenge and wonders if her talents on him would work.

——————

This girl struggles to find an end game that truly loves her, she’s had a few who have came and gone but never imagined someone she could call her romantic soulmate (bc we know Dick is her platonic soulmate!!), but if it had to be anyone it would be Roy. They’ve been through so much struggle together that eventually they would work out, Roy gets insecure and wonders if she could do better considering the men and women of her past he’s been podiumed with.

- Batsis had made the mistake of leaving him when they were younger over the pressure getting to her, like Lian coming along, his addiction, Ollie just being a shit mentor for the most part, but Batsis really calms down with her gift if she gets serious (even if she can’t control it 70% of the time), she finally has found something good and will stick to it. Yeah he was a nasty dog when they were teenagers but when they are older he just sees the only one (besides Dinah, Dick and Jason) who stuck by him.

My lord this got sort of angsty but yeah. She’s a girl blessed.

[schattenhonig]

The A in LGBTQIA+ doesn't stand for aspec because they're not repressed!

(please read the disclaimer at the end of this post)

Ummm, excuse me? Would you mind telling me what your definition of repression is, then?

Because I feel repressed when a doctor asks me about my sex life, and if I say I have none, it gets marked down as a symptom without being asked if I suffer from it.

I feel repressed when my gyn tells me I can't get a hysterectomy yet despite losing so much blood on every period that I need to take iron supplements all the time, because I could change my mind about not wanting children (which is a whole other post, I know, but it's most likely linked to sex).

I feel repressed if I can't use dating apps or platforms because my sexuality doesn't even exist there, and the one time I tried, I got called names because I didn't want to meet for because it was clear where this date would go, despite my explicit "what I'm looking for".

I feel repressed when I think about how recently a paragraph was finally abolished in my country that considered sex a vital part of a marriage, basically entitling the spouses to having sex with their partner (both gender neutral, because entitling people to having sex with somebody else by law is wrong. It's basically a rape permission).

I feel repressed when I can't watch any film or show without it being about love and/or sex, no matter if it fits the narrative and furthers the plot.

I feel repressed when I plot my own stories and automatically put a romantic couple in there as main characters, even though I have no idea why this would be important for the plot. Not even my own stories, my own thoughts are mine.

I felt repressed when I was asked accusingly in a relationship if I wasn't missing something before I even knew asexuality as a spectrum was a thing, and having to lie about this being a side effect of my medication instead of genuinely not feeling attracted to someone in this way.

I feel repressed when I can't tell people I'm not sexually attracted to them because they will take this personally no matter how well I explain myself.

I feel repressed when everywhere I look there's advertising relying on naked skin, suggestive posing and objectification. Why are expensive cars still presented by women considered beautiful and tempting? It's not like that's necessary to convince people of spending so much money on a thing that gets you from A to B. Couches with women in smart dresses and high heels. That's not what a normal person looks like on a couch. But the worst is a truck in the town where I live: it's from a small fruit and vegetable stand, so whenever I see it, it comes from the warehouse, delivering groceries. On it is a woman clad in very little, presenting fruit. I'm sorry, but why? Does a misogynistic picture convince you of the necessity to avoid scurvy?

I feel repressed when I tell people and get the answer "you just haven't found the right person yet", because there are two possible assumptions from that point: I'm either not trying hard enough (so it's basically my own fault) or something about me is not right, appalling even (which circles back to I'm not trying hard enough or frames me as a victim of my genetics, upbringing or circumstances to be pitied).

Do not tell me how I feel. Do not try to tell me everything is fine and I shouldn't complain or ask for acknowledgement if everywhere I look, I'm reminded of how odd, how weird and how not normal I am. How much it inconveniences you to even acknowledge my existence, let alone respect any of my traits, views and choices.

And while I can only write from my own asexual point of view, I wrote this with all kinds of flavours of aspec in mind, so I'm explicitly including aromantics, aroace people and every shade of the spectrum in this. Not all my examples may apply to you, but I hope you can find something to relate to.

ETA: please feel free to add your own experiences of repression!

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Masterlist & Request Guidelines

Requests are closed right now, but the Masterlist is always open! 🫶🏻

MASTERLIST

Olivia Benson (Law & Order: SVU)

Can You Stay?

Texts from Olivia Benson

Eyes Open

When Worlds Collide (x daughter!reader)

Alex Blake (Criminal Minds)

What You Want (18+)

Inside Your Head

Texts from Alex Blake

Haircut

Alex Cabot (Law & Order: SVU)

Alex Cabot x Reader Headcanons

After General Anesthesia

Alex Cabot x Casey Novak x Reader SFW Headcanons

What You Give

Texts from Alex Cabot (18+)

Carol Danvers (Marvel)

Forgetting

Find Your People (x sibling!reader)

Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

A Hard Day

Just Playing

Headcanons: Coming Out to Rosa Diaz as Transmasc

Passenger Princess

A Little Lunch

Penelope Garcia (Criminal Minds)

N/A

Lee Harker (Longlegs)

Cocooned

The Halloween Party

Jennifer Jareau (Criminal Minds)

The Dogs

The Intruder

Fight or Flight (x daughter!reader)

Texts from Jennifer "JJ" Jareau (18+)

The Aftermath

Johanna Mason (The Hunger Games)

Home Again

Casey Novak (Law & Order: SVU)

Clueless

Someone Will See

First Time (18+)

Sunday Mornings

She Likes You Anyway

Empty House (18+)

You're Safe Now

Home for the Holidays

Take Me Out to the Ball Game (18+)

I Need You To

Your Brother's Wedding

Casey Novak x Reader Headcanons

After General Anesthesia

Panic! At the DA's Office

Alex Cabot x Casey Novak x Reader SFW Headcanons

May the Fourth Be With You

Changes

With the Crack of a Bat

Just One Kiss

Texts from Casey Novak

They Go Low

Getting Older, Too

Interrogations

When Worlds Collide

Frozen Oranges

Maggie Pierce (Grey's Anatomy)

Just as Friends

Emily Prentiss (Criminal Minds)

The Surprise Series Masterlist

Coming Out

Let Me Keep You Safe (18+)

Emily Prentiss x Reader Headcanons

Shelter from the Storm

Don't Lie to Me

Burning (18+)

Tracing You

Tiny (x daughter!reader)

Doxxed

Control (18+)

The World's Largest Box of Condoms (x daughter!reader)

Touchy (18+)

Texts from Emily Prentiss (18+)

White Fang

Arizona Robbins (Grey's Anatomy)

N/A

Natasha Romanoff (Marvel)

N/A

Amelia Shepherd (Grey's Anatomy)

Sick Call

Aces

Tea for Two

Strap Up (18+)

Postpartum (18+)

Playing It Safe (18+)

You're Mine (18+)

The R Word

Left Unsaid (18+)

Texts from Amelia Shepherd (18+)

Callie Torres (Grey's Anatomy)

N/A

Cristina Yang (Grey's Anatomy)

N/A

REQUEST GUIDELINES

If you have requests for characters outside of the above, please feel free to send them on anyway! The above are just characters I've written for before. If I'm familiar with the character/source material and the request meets my parameters, I'll be happy to give it a shot!

PARAMETERS:

I only write for characters who are women. No men here. Sorry, folks.

I only write x reader. I don't really enjoy writing about already-existing relationships or character ships. I've done a couple of x daughter!reader and x sibling!reader fics, and I'm happy to do them, but to be honest I very much prefer romantic fics.

I only write for readers and characters with v*lvas. I absolutely welcome non-binary/gender non-conforming characters/readers. Just be aware that, where smut is concerned, I only feel confident writing about humans with v*ginas.

I don't feel comfortable writing dark!characters or smut that's degrading. Kinks and other smut-related requests I take on a case-by-case basis. But I absolutely will not write anything that even gets close to the line of non-consensual. No shade to you if the above are things you enjoy reading/writing, they're just personally not for me.

Autistic readers are so welcome! I love reading and writing x autistic!reader fics!

I do feel comfortable writing about the aftermath of trauma (sexual or otherwise), most mental illnesses, etc. I enjoy a good hurt/comfort fic and, as someone who's dealt with both of the above, I know it can be very comforting to read something that makes you feel like you're cared for and safe.

I also really enjoy writing headcanons, so feel free to request those as well! The same rules apply for headcanons that apply for fics.

Send those requests on, bbs!

[yeonbinwyd]

Can you do Heesung next? Thank you 🥹

of course!! rest of the hyung line next??

after party

pairing: sub fem!reader x softdom! heesung

synopsis: you had been friends with Heesung for some time. You always felt there was sexual tension between you two but he wouldn’t admit it. After one night out for an event turns into too much drinking, the truth comes out.

genre (w/tags): smut, minors dni, breeding kink, romantic?, mentions of alcohol.

a/n: I personally think heesung would be the biggest baby when drunk and begs for attention being all needy.

Word count: 1127

“Whats up with your phone? You’ve been blowing up all night.” You were at dinner with your best friend. She had asked in an irritated tone. “It’s just a friend. He’s super drunk right now and he wants to meet up” you explain.

“He??? Wants to meet up” she’s now intrigued.

“Stop he’s just a friend. I think he just needs some support. “ you continued. She pursed her lips together and shook her head. He was lucky you both were warping up dinner and were about to go separate ways. You two spilt the bill and went off your own ways. He had been in front of a boba shop that still open, hands in pockets, leaning against a bike rack. He was bright red, trying to cover his face until he saw you.

“Heeey” he coos “I’m so glad to see you! Let’s get some boba and something to eat! I’m starving.” Heesung requests throwing his arm over your shoulder. He puts his weight on you, standing over you. Managing him while drunk was going to be tough.

You listened to his request and got him his favorite tea with something solid to eat. When you brought them back to him, he was beyond excited, he even kissed your cheek.

“You’re a life saver! Thank you!! “ he doesn’t waste any time and takes them both in. You both sit outside since he was being obnoxiously loud but it was the one thing you really enjoyed about him.

“You know you’re the only one I really trust when I’m like this.”

He confesses. You’re not surprised since you haven’t drank once during the entire time of their friendship.

“I’m so glad you’re in my life.” He adds while taking a bite of his chicken. With furrowed brows you glance back at your phone, shoving off his comment. He scoots closer beside you.

“I mean it” he whispers in your ear, wrapping his arm around your waist. You can’t take him seriously and laugh in his face.

“You can’t be for real right?

“You don’t think I can be serious?” He asks while giving the saddest eyes.

“Not in the slightest. At least not while you’re drunk. “ you set him straight but he doesn’t want to give up. Heesung scoots even closer, leaning in to kiss your lips. You let him, tasting the taro tea he had been drinking lingering on his mouth. He cups your face, trying to deepen the kiss but you pull away.

“No wait” you stop him.

“Too much?” He backs away to give you space.

“No I like it. ” without a second thought, you grab his hand, causing him to leave his snacks where you two were sitting. You two get in the backseat of your car and continue the kiss. He smirks while pressing his lips on yours, feeling victorious. Heesung hugs your hips making you to sit on his lap. His kisses turn into little nibbles, caressing your collar, nuzzling in your neck. His glorious moans.

“I really feel at home with you.” He admits hugging you snug. You give him a shy smile but he can’t see you in the dark backseat. You grab his chin, smiling into the kiss. Heesung takes the hint and holds you closer. Him being drunk have him the courage to make a move. He just wanted to gush his feelings for you nonstop.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

I want you to be mine.

Can we be together?

All thoughts of his running through his head. As his tongue dominates the kiss, he starts to shed off his clothes, while you do the same. You take off your shirt, exposing your breasts to him. His eyes widen in excitement. Heesung rotates your hips to grind against him. Throwing his head back, exposing his Adams apple, he moans lowly. He grinds back, forcing you to groan in return. He starts to bury his face in your chest while placing kisses, worshiping them.

“Can I fuck you baby?” He begged, face still red and flush.

“Please” you beg in return. You get off his lap to have him undo his pants. His hard on, soaked in pre cum was ready for you. Lifting up your skirt then shifting your panties to the side, you glide down. You were equally as wet, wanting him for so long too. You cry out at his massive girth causing you to not move yet. Concerned, Heesung places kisses on your cheek.

“Take your time” he instructs. You don’t give up and prop your hands on his shoulders. He leans back against the car seat, as you take control. As you ride him, he looks almost in tears, overwhelmed with the pressure he’s received. He grips your hips, helping you move up and down. Each move, bringing him closer and closer. He spreads your ass cheeks for a better hold. It makes you even feel even better than before. Your eyes rolling back, nails digging into his skin, leaving indents, he feels so good you don’t want to stop.

“That’s it you’re doing well” he encourages. He loves looking up at you, taking his cock like a champ. He knew you were the one, it solidified it for him. He laid you flat on your side, lifting your leg up to get in better. He grunts as he enters, feeling overwhelmed with pleasure again. Heesung hugs your thigh, while thrusting in you. He sinks himself into your neck, close to your ear. He feels himself getting deeper and closer.

“I’m keeping you. You’re mine now.” He demands as his strokes become stronger and out of control. You can feel his cock hitting your cervix. He whines lowly while his cum begins to pour out. You can feel him feeling you up but he doesn’t stop there. Heesung lays you flat, with both legs over his shoulders. He takes you in again.

“Make me cum again baby. Make me cum for you.” He commands as he doesn’t lose his pace. You just trying to catch your breath. You panting and wipe the sweat from Heesung’s forehead. Infatuated with you, he kisses your lips, biting down as you both groan for each other.

“I’m close baby. Cum for me” you request.

“Yes I’ll do whatever you want.” He goes so fast that he makes you squirt on the two of you. He cums violently after. He holds onto, not wanting to let go and pull out. Heesung lays his head on your chest in the most needy way. Covered in sweat he helps you get dress and glances at the time. At this point the fucking made him sober up.

“So we should talk huh?” He brings up.

[plaidos]

Reading all these posts and info from people discussing their own experience made me want to talk about mine (2 different experiences)

I dated a trans man for 5 years and it was the most emotionally and verbally abusive relationship I ever had. I was sexually victimized and yelled at regularly by him and in the vicinity of others, but nobody ever did anything to help me or protect me. Most every other person in our social lives drafted me into being a loyal caregiver/crisis manager because I "should be empathetic for his experience" because he had a narcissistic mom and uncontrolled BPD symptoms and because I was the person he let get closest. His "off glances" from strangers at the grocery store would trigger massive meltdowns where he'd more or less force me to mother him through his anger, but whenever I'd express that I felt dysphoric or unwelcome or fawned over in weird ways, especially in places that were dominated by AFAB experiences he would belittle and gaslight my feelings and claim I was "too sensitive" and trans men had it just as hard.

My experiences and my trauma were second to his, he demonized and shamed me for enjoying aspects of ageplay in kink because he was mortified that it would reflect badly on him would it come out that he was dating a nasty age player (even tho when he wanted to he would get what he wanted out of the kink himself).

When I finally had enough and broke it off he spread rumors about me to mutual friends that I was sexually victimizing him and that I had "tricked" him into a threesome with a mutual friend (surprise surprise the guy who coercively raped me is lying about sexual experiences).

(1/2)

(continuation of prev ask) This one would be way too long if I didn't make it short so. I polyamorously dated an AFAB agender lesbian for two years who tongue-in-cheek claimed to be "a chaser" because they "identified so strongly with the trans female experience". Even though we were dating, they would act disgusted or put off any time I would make a (gentle) move on them, even if it was something as simple as holding hands, and claim I was "moving too fast"; but then would turn around and come on to me so strong out of nowhere and basically expect me to snap to with no warning. Emotional intimacy too, was treated this way. I am not a massively romantic person, but even when I tried to seek out platonic kinds of comfort in them they would insult me for it. They identified as transmasc/GNC, but whenever it benefitted them, they would slip back into gender-conforming femininity like a comforting shroud while diminishing or dismissing my own experiences of gender or of feeling uncomfortable around their friends (all cisgender straight people lmao). Whenever I experienced traumatic flashbacks or needed support from them, they would criticize me for being "too needy". When we were in public they would get angry if I acted like we were together even in minor implications (like "oh we did that together" type language). When I expressed that I was annoyed that they repeatedly refused to communicate with me and routinely prioritized shitty cisgender men in their life (one who was an ACTUAL pedophile I learned) they would roast me via 10s of paragraphs in text of how "emotionally immature" I was and how I was acting "entitled to certain treatment from them". There was no love, there was no acknowledgement of my pain and my history, there was no acceptance of my femininity as a part of myself. I felt like I was treated like a toy. I felt like I was treated like a woman only nominally, and then I was treated like an intruder or a rabid animal when it suited their narrative. (2/2)

anon, this rings so true with my experiences dating similar people. i am so sorry that this happened to you, and that it it a common trend within transfems' dating experiences. the majority of my transfem friends who have dated TME people within the community have expressed similar experiences, and i have similar experiences too, like being coerced into topping/domming because that's what they "expect" from a 6ft tranny.

I'm so sorry.

to the TME people of the trans community: do better. this is not a coincidence, this is happening to trans women all across the trans community all the time. it could be happening to your friends, and you haven't realised it because of how normalised it is. you could even be treating YOUR transfem girlfriend this way.

it needs to stop.

[honey-tongued-devil]

I hate the latest episode... Now I'm stuck with silco on the brain

Imagine being a piltie that was doing research that required raw materials from zaun

Going to the bar to collect info, vander figures out that you're not from the lanes and asking silco to keep an eye on you

You can feel silco tailing you but you can't catch him. Eventually you tell him it's better to keep an eye out on you in person rather than remaining hidden... Feels like being part of a horror movie.

Overtime you and silco get along, you tell him about your research, you eventually get to know vander and Felicia as friends as well.

You get busy with your project so you don't come as often but still write some letters every now and then.

One day the letters stop and you never come back.

Cue the plot of arcane-

It isn't until silco starts gaining control over the undercity that he notices some pilties wearing/using the object you put all your research into.

What happened to you?

Turns out your research is being sold under the name of a man, a man that you were married off to, silco learns.

No one has seen you publically in over a decade.

It appears your family has sold off your research to someone rich in exchange for a wealthier life.

The agreement you have with your 'husband' is that as long as you continue to publish things under his name he won't try to be in a relationship with you, sexual or romantic.

Under Normal circumstances any potential relationship with silco would be long forgotten, but what happens when the shipment problems around the hexgates start affecting your husbands business? What happens when you decide to investigate it for yourself as an excuse to leave the house? What happens when you're kidnapped and brought before a man you haven't stopped thinking about ever since you were in your early 20s?

Sorry I just wanted to leave this here because I'm too much of a coward to actually write a full fic🫥

I’ll tell you the truth, my little friend—just days before, I was banging my head against the wall because I wanted an idea for a long fic with Silco. Then one morning, I woke up to your request, and even though it wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, it gave me the foundation to start writing the first story (which, as of now, only has the first four pages of the introduction and is set in the mines).

However, a week later, Episode 7 came out, and I found divine inspiration, so I started another one called “Everytime It Rains.”

That said, I have to thank you because your request was what made me decide it was time to finally start working on the long fic with Silco.

[harucchii]

Why ARE you proud of your asexuality, exactly? And how did and does it shape how you are as a person, having a natural lack of sexual attraction to anyone? What makes it important enough to celebrate? I'm asking genuinely because I don't understand and would like to. Thank you.

Hi! happy pride month :D

I am proud of my asexuality because is a part of me!! is something that affects the way i see people and for obvious reasons my relationships and trying to hide it or change will only lead me to be miserable

through my whole life i experienced things differently when it comes to attraction to people, i never seemed to develope crushes on my classmates or celebrities, cause i just.. didint care? to a point my mom got worried and straight up asked me if i was gay because my lack of interest "was not normal"

when i was in my first long term relationship my lack of sexual needs and desire was a huge issue that would lead on fights very often and my former partner to feel unloved as i would prefer just to cuddle or watch a movie. This back and foward with him and constant fights made me feel like efectibly was somethign wrong with me and transformed sex more of a chore than something im supposed to enjoy or want

thing which developed a huge sexual trauma on me but also helped me to understand that, that relationship would never work because i just could never deliver what he wanted and his needs were different than mine. we were just hurting each other

i also got sent to doctors by my mother as to find what was "wrong" with me as my lack of sexual needs was not "normal" for her

there is so much i had to deal and endure my whole adulthood because of this, because i experience thigns differently

now. more big and more mature i can confidently say, im asexual. I celebrate my asexuality because There was nothign wrong with me and the way i experience thigns is just different

i celebrate it and i mention it as an important part of myself because i know i will not be able to be in a fullfiling relationship if my partner is not aware of this fact or not willing to accept it

i celebrate it because doctors didnt found anything wrong in me and i just love differently. and asuming that lack of sexual attraction is part of an illness hurts people who might be dealing with this feelings!

I celebrate because in a hyper sexualized world i dont really seem to fit in, AND THAT IS OKAY, because the way i live my life should not affect others and they way they live theirs

i do feel romantic attraction! i can fall in love and love other person!! but i just cant deliver what most people would be expect in a relationship and that is okay!

And finally i celebrate to ensure online that the people who experience love differently just like me are not alone in this journey and will be okay :3. just a lil bit of emotional support for who might feel broken due what others say to them

I apologize if i repeat myself or i wronte something wrong as english is not my main language

have a good day!

[lucyandalexiafan]

Blow off steam | Alexia Putellas x reader | part 4

summary: aftercare

warnings: light angst (?), self-dubt, fluff (romantic sex at the end), Alexia feeling guilty, reader is confused by how he feels after the intercourse.

words: 2.9 k

I turn on my back.

She gets between my legs.

Her body on mine, her breasts against mine.

Her nipples are straight against my skin.

Is she horny? 

Her thighs are between mine, forcing me to keep them open. 

I look at her lips.

They compose a faint smile. 

The teeth that bite the lower one.

Ale handles the tie that kept my hands attached to the headboard of the bed for a few minutes in an attempt to untie the knot, probably now very tight due to the constant tugging.

She sighs in relief when she succeeds.

She throws the tie on the ground.

Her arms grab my wrists and kisses the marks she left.

They're sore like the rest of my body.

The orgasm was overwhelming.

It invaded every millimeter of my body. 

A level of ecstasy I'd never felt before. 

She asks me how I am. 

My eyes are clouded with excitement. 

From fatigue.

From exhaustion.

As much as I enjoyed it, it was definitely a long and difficult intercourse. 

A intercourse to which I am certainly not used.

My butt starts to ache from too much spanking. 

My breasts burn here and there, just like my pussy and inner thighs. 

How many times has she spanked me? 

I point my eyes into hers. 

"I... good," I whisper.

She kisses my lips. 

The forearms on the sides of my head on which she rests. 

"You're the best girl in the world, you know?" 

I blush, looking away. 

How do you alternate that sadism with this kindness? 

Is she sincere? 

My cheeks are on fire. 

Her fingers touch light them.

"Hmm?" 

I nod hesitantly, leaning against her hand. 

"Thank you, Ale" I whisper with a light and existing voice. 

The body is still caught up in contractions from time to time. 

I squeeze my thighs instinctively, pressing her body against mine.

She asks me again how I feel as she kisses my cheek a few times. 

I'm fine.

Stunned.  

Tired.

But fine. 

Personal Slut.

I chase away intrusive thought, trying not to dwell on it. 

Not to reflect on the meaning.  

On the words.

On what it can mean.

Why if I liked it so much, do I feel so humiliated by these two words?

Why just from them and not also for the other time she called me slut?

She smiles at me kindly, lovely.

Did she love calling me like this?

Does she think that i am just it?

"Maybe it would be better if you put some oil on the redness that you have almost everywhere on your body, what do you think? Or tomorrow it's going to hurt more." 

She chuckles at the thought of what she's done. 

I hold her in a hug.

I don't want her to go away.

I don't want the physical contact to end. 

I want her to stay here.

With me.

That she hugs me. 

I need her to stay here. 

To know that she's sincere. 

That she loves me.

That she cares.  

That I've been good. 

That I'm not just a slut, just her personal slut.

That I means something for her that is not only sexual.

Why have I so many doubts?

My legs wrap tighter around her torso.

"Stay here a little longer - I hesitate - please"  

She smiles not far from my lips.  

"I'm not leaving, baby, I'm staying here" 

Personal Slut.

I nod hesitantly while I hide my face in her neck.

It was all so passionate. 

So rough.

So dominant. 

I didn't expect it. 

Was I ready? 

Was I as good as she says?  

Maybe she says it to make me happy, to make me quiet and more open to do this other times.

To be her personal slut other times. 

I asked her to do this, to blow off steam on me, so why do I feel so insecure? 

I close my eyes shaking my head, the forehead rubbing the skin of her neck. 

"C-can you kiss me?" I ask hesitantly after moving my face away from her neck.

Like I'm scared she'd punish me again.

That she will be mad.

That she doesn't want. 

She smiles, innocently kissing me several times. Lips that touch lips. 

I'm looking for the deeper, more romantic, kiss.

The type of kiss that will infuse me her love.

She keeps the pace slow.

Lovely. 

Kind.  

Her tongue touching mine.

My hands end up in her hair. 

I touch them hesitantly. 

As to massage your scalp.  

After a few minutes she rests her forehead against mine.

"The best little girl in the world - she kisses my nose - My little girl" 

Personal Slut.

I close my eyes.  

Does she really think it? 

I tighten my arms around her neck again. 

Her head slid next to mine.

"I-I," I sigh, "can you hug me?" I whisp.

She turns the situation and she ends against the mattress.

Half of my body is on her, my shoulder that touches her chest, my leg between hers.

One of her arms is under me, and she quickly moves it on my back, near the other, to close me in a tight hug.   

She rests her head on top of mine.

She runs her nails lightly on my skin.

A steady but gentle motion.

As she's trying to comfort me.

She giggles when she hears my breath becaming quiet. 

Getting slower.

More relaxed.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. 

What should I do?  

What should I say?  

"My beautiful little girl" 

I sigh.

What should I tell her? 

She holds me close to her like she knows I need it.

She kisses me again.

"Someone's really tired, huh?" she whispers, teasing me before kissing me again.

I nod against her chest.

I tense my body to stretch it. 

The sound of a couple of snaps fills the room and she giggles. 

I blush, closing my eyes.

We pass a long time in this way.

Her hands touching my back lightly, my cheek on her chest, my fingers touching lightly her belly.

No sounds, no words.

Just my breath and her breath.

"I'm sorry to have lost control of my words baby - I open my eyes wide - To have lost control and to have gotten too much caught up in the situation" 

She kisses my hair. 

The tone of voice is low. 

Sad.  

I tilt my head towards her.

Her gaze is perhaps pensive.

I bite my lip.

Our eyes set. 

"I shouldn't have gone so far with degradation, not when it was the first time we did this kind of thing in this way - she pauses, her eyes almost veiled by guilt - Not when you asked me praises too" 

Is she sad? 

Mad with herself? 

What should I tell her? 

I don't speak.

I don't try to comfort her.

Am I selfish for this?

"I don't think those things baby... That you're a slut or the other things, you know it, right? - I nod against the mattress - The whole situation has taken hold of my head... It shouldn't have happened."  

I bite my lip harder 

It was not the first time that she called me slut or whore during sex. 

It happens at least three times every time we do this type of sex. 

But maybe... this time, this time she called me in this way too much time.

Or maybe because she was so rough and fake-lovely ad never before.

"I... - I hesitate - I really liked it" 

"But?" she whispers.

Is she insecure? 

Her? 

I look away.

"I didn't expect it," I whisper in a faint voice. 

Will she get angry? 

Will she be upset?

The image of her eyes calling me in that way by squeezing my neck is heavenly.

But it's a bit scary at the same time.  

Will she be disappointed? 

"I loved this. I-I asked you for it before, I wanted it - I say it hoping she understands that I am alluding to the intercourse itself - It was so perfect" 

I lick my lip.

I'm searching for the words, my mind still clouded by orgasm. 

"I... I didn't think I could like it so much the degradation" 

My cheeks burn with the humiliation of admitting it. 

Am I so submissive? 

So needy? 

Is this normal? 

"Maybe we could do it again in this way," she says hesitantly, "Without that word or so rough." 

I nod hesitantly.

"What you want Reina, you always know what I like," I chuckle at her expression, "I-I would have used the safeword if I hadn't... you know, liked it" 

She nods in a trance. 

"You've asked me so many times, the safeword, so I knew you'd stop in case" 

It's so hard to admit that I trust her.

Do I really trust her or am I trying to consoling her, to please her? 

She smiles at my words, knowing how complicated it is for me to say it normally.

She kisses my forehead.

"My perfect little girl"  

"Your perfect little girl... masochist little girl" 

She giggles knowing I'm repeating her words. 

"And innocent at the same time" she chuckles, "I'll never understand how you can be as ambivalent as you are amor." 

I smile embarrassed.

I don't know.

Have I to justify it?

"If I continue to rub your back for a while, will you let me put the oil on you?" 

I sneer.

"Maybe," I say, amused.

"Baby," she admonishes me. 

I laugh.

A shy, but pure, laughter.

I nod.

"Yes, Ale".

I turn, my belly against the mattress.  

Her nails run lightly against my back's skin.

"You're so beautiful baby - I gasp - So perfect" 

I tighten the pillow.

Does she really think so? 

She crawls her fingers long over my spine and I arch my back reflexively.

“Someone's ticklish, huh?” She teases me and then kisses my shoulder.

"You're all red baby, I really don't think you won't be able to sit down tomorrow" 

I close my eyes in embarrassment.

"Your butt is so red that only adrenaline prevents you from feeling pain" 

I moan.

She kisses my shoulder again a few times.

Light, kind, kisses.

"Please, forgive me, little one" 

I turn my head towards her.

"For what?" 

"For exaggerating" 

It's like she's in a trance, in a world of its own.

Does she feel guilty? 

Does she need to talk about it? 

"With words, with spankings, with orgasm denial... with everything" 

Did she not liked it? 

"I liked Ale, really - she sighs - I deserved the punishments... And then I didn't use the safeword." 

She smiles against my skin.

"D-did you liked it?" I ask hesitant.

Does she wanted more from me?

Does she not liked it because she was expecting more?

She kisses my shoulder.

"I loved it, baby, don't think something different - she bites her lip - But I shouldn't have exaggerated so much, I exaggerated and I hope you can forgive me"

She breathes deeply a few times.

"Luckily there are two days off and you don't have press work until after Christmas." 

I nod. 

We remain silent for a few minutes.  

My eyes are closed, my breath is calm, relaxed. 

Her fingers move over my body.

I pant every now and then.  

She kisses my hair.

"Can I put oil on you, baby? I don't want it to get worse." 

I nod.

Why is she so worried? 

She gets out of bed. 

I groan at the lack. 

"Will you be back soon though?" I ask, frightened by her absence.

"Of course, baby" 

If she thinks I'm ridiculous for being so worried about her absence, she doesn't point it out to me.

And it's like she said, a few minutes later she's back.

She sits to my right.

"Can I smear it on you?"  

I agree.

She pours some of it on my ass and then smears it.

The touch is gentle.

Lovey.

She brushes against my skin until it's completely absorbed.

"I'm afraid that tomorrow you will have bruises" she whispers hesitantly.  

Scared by my answer.

"I deserved it for being a brat" I try to console her while her touch is relaxing me.

She sighs and I don't know if it's because she's relieved or even more worried.

"Can you turn around baby? So I put it all over your front" 

I do as she asks, and we both giggle when some of my bones crack.

She pants.

"So Full of My Signs" she whispers, her eyes that are looking all my body.

From my collarbone to my inner thighs.

I look at my body.

It's only now that I realize how many bruises she made.

My chest is full of them, just like my pelvis and legs.

"At least now everyone knows I'm yours and if you forget it, I'll just take off my shirt - I chuckle - Or even take off some concealer" 

I try to lighten the mood with a joke, but it doesn't seem to have the desired effect.

Ale continues to look at my body with a lost, assorted look.

"So many bites... so many bruises" she runs a finger along my torso as if to join them by a rope, by an invisible thread, traced by her nail.

I arch my body instinctively.

The hornyness that starts to mount. 

"My little girl who loves to be marked," she sighs.

She shakes her head.  

"Ale - I call her and wait until she looks into my eyes - I really liked it" 

She looks at me for a few moments, trying to figure out if I'm sincere or if I'm saying it to make her feel better.

To calm that guilt that I know is growing in her for the fear of having exaggerated.

She nods and then pours some liquid over both of my breasts.

She spreads it.

Because of the contact with her fingers my nipples become turgid.

I look away in embarrassment. 

She smiles, grins, but says nothing.  

Then, when her hand goes down, I twitch my thighs.

I moan when it gets to my pubis. 

"You're so red here too, baby" 

I moan as I lift my pelvis to her hand.

"So insatiable" 

She passes the oil carefully around my hips and belly.

I swallow my saliva trying to control the hornyness that is heating my body, and she starts to touch my inner thighs where there are bites.

My attempt failed at the exact moment when they ended between my lips, on my clit, on my entrance. 

I loudly moan. 

"My baby who took three fingers," she says as she seems lost in her toughts and while she brushes her fingers over my cunt.

I nod.

I panting for the touch. 

"Did it hurt you?" 

I shake my head.

"You are always so tight"

"I... I liked it - I soaked the sheets - I felt full" 

I don't know if that makes sense, but my mind is too clouded to think lucidly.  

"Ale-" 

"My baby is getting wet" 

I nod.

I gasp.

Her fingers are now soaked with my arousal. 

"So Insatiable" 

I gasp as I squeeze the sheets. 

"I... I - I try to breathe - I'm sorry Ale" 

She smiles on my thigh. 

"Can I fuck you baby? - Is she hesitant? "I'll be gentle, I promise" 

Since when is she so insecure? 

"I want to make love to you" 

I nod.

I tell her it's okay, that I want it as much as she wants it.

I need to feel her loving me 

She kisses me.

A Slow Kiss.

Ale licks my lip, her are shaped into a smile.  

Her fingers moving on my clit. 

I moan in her mouth. 

"Can I touch you?" I ask insecurely.  

My hands still against the mattress, too worried to do something wrong.

To break the romantic, kind moment. 

The fear of making mistakes. 

"Touch me, baby," she gasps, "Let me come with you"

She grabs my hand for a moment, taking it away from my pussy, and bringing it against her.

"Baby, let me come with you" 

The voice is hoarse.  

Low.

I move my fingers hesitantly against her pussy.

Between her lips.

 On her clit.

Her fingers come back inside me.

"Can I... Can I add one more?" 

I nod. 

The third finger that goes into me.

I freeze for a moment because of a light pain inside of me.

It almost hurts.

She kisses my cheek. 

She asks me if it's all right.

I nod and ask her to not move for a few seconds.

To make me habit to her fingers inside of me for the umpteenth time of the night.

She smiles on my skin when I beg her to move them. 

She does it with a slow pace.

How to get used to it. 

As if she understood that it hurts. 

I start touching her again. 

My fingers move inside of her hesitant, trying to figure out if she likes it.

She's so wet. 

Ale moans against my ear.

She kisses me, moaning in my mouth.

"So perfect little girl," she groans, "Please, faster" 

I try to speed up the pace while her hand gets more and more furious. 

Touching her is heavenly.

She screams and me with her.  

She cums on my hand.

I'm coming on hers. 

She collapses on top of me. 

Her fingers still in me.  

Her orgasm in my ears. 

She's so beautiful.

—————————————————————

Hi! I’m sorry I needed so much time to edit, correct and publish it

Hope that you will like this fourth and last part! At first I was trying to do something more fluff, but I loved this quite angst end

I swear that I’ll write something about the request that some of you asked at the end of the next week and if you want ask me things/fic. I think I’ll be more present at the end of the next week🫶🏻

[tangerinesgirl]

Frank (Abigail) NSFW Alphabet

Rating: 18+, explicit

Notes: this is made with a Fem!Reader in mind, obviously spoilers for Abigail (2024), some mentions of CNC and various other kinks.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Aftercare for Frank before being a vampire wasn't really his thing, the most he would do is offer you a drink of water. However, after being turned, he felt more possessive over you and is way more attentive, making sure if he hurt you at all, since he can't really control his new abilities yet.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Frank pre vamp liked his general physique and mind the most, he would work out regularly and always liked being in charge and had to keep his mind sharp and how he could manipulate people. Post vamp he liked the fangs, how they looked on him and how they looked biting you. He couldn't keep them off you, making sure everyone could see who you belonged to.

His favourite body part on you is your neck obviously, but he's also partial to your breasts and ass. As long as they're covered in bite marks.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Frank loves seeing his cum over your chest, and watching you lick it from his fingers. It felt like a power trip to him seeing you helpless and covered in his cum.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Frank, even though always the dom, secretly wants to be pegged. He never ever shows this, but sometimes when you grab his hair and he moans, you kinda knew occasionally he wants to be topped, at least.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Frank is very experienced, he absolutely knows what he is doing and how to make a girl cum, but he would only use sex as a necessity, he would never get attached or think anything more of it. One night stands, only when he needed to. So he was never any good at the affectionate side, it was never really in his nature.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Post vamp Frank will fuck you into next week and wants to try every position, everywhere, he does not care. If he has to pick, it would be doggy, so he could bite your ass occasionally, he also liked how deep he felt inside you this way.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Frank is a very serious person, sex with him is always calculated and rough. You couldn't joke with him, even if he would accidentally do something silly during the teething stages of being a vampire, he would hate you laughing at him and shut you up immediately.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Frank always prides himself on appearance. He has a little bit of hair down there that's well trimmed and aethetically pleasing. His chest has a few specks of hair. He's particularly fond of his V line and his light snail trail, and how you would lick down it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Frank isn't the most intimate or romantic kind, he's purely sexually driven. Sometimes he buys you things from when a job has gone particularly well, or take you out to dinner, sometimes a holiday if he's feeling generous.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Well if you've read this fic of mine, Frank likes it when you masturbate together when you have turned into his puppet as you can both feel each other through his powers and giving you instructions.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Apart from the obvious domination and masochism, he loves to humiliate and objectify you. Anything that gives him power over you. He's also an exhibitionist. Even though he's smart, when he's horny and needs you he doesn't think twice, he just has to have you there and then. Post vamp Frank is also determined to try mirror sex to see if his reflection vanishes (he's seen too many vampire films).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

You don't really stay at home a lot, Frank likes to get hotel rooms when he's on a job, and wants you there when he's particularly worked up over it to unwind. Post vamp Frank wants to try it in a church, to see if he'll burst into flames or not.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Frank never really shows you PDA himself (apart from hickies/bites), but you do it subtly to him. You like to slide your hands up his thighs under a table, and he goes WILD. It's a sure fire way to get him to fuck your brains out in the public restroom. He also loses his mind when you dress particularly well: whether it's a figure hugging ball gown or a new lingerie set he's bought you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Frank is very possessive over you so isn't a huge fan of the idea of groups/threesomes, but he is pretty sexually open otherwise.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Frank typically is more of a receiver than a giver pre vampirism. Post vampirism, he gives a lot more, he can't help but nibble a little on your thighs on the way. He also loves to give when it's your time of the month for obvious vampire reasons.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Sex with Frank is always rough, he loves to see you come undone under him. He fucks deep, fast and hard, you can feel it for days afterwards.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Frank is a big fan of quickies, especially during a job, it adds to his feeling of being in charge. Quickies are quite a regular occurrence, he tends to be the one to initiate them. When you initiate them, he likes to humiliate you through it, calling you desperate, whore, slut... But you like it and only turns you on more.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Frank is always game to experiment, especially with his new vampire powers, even if you're a bit apprehensive. Even though Frank can be a little scary sometimes, and caught up in the moment, but you have safe words, it's very well planned out, and he always listens.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Frank pre vamp normally just lasts one round once a day, he tends to see sex as an obligatory job rather than a relaxed activity. Occasionally he does more if he really needs it. Post vamp Frank has an insane amount of stamina, he could honestly fuck you an entire day and not get tired. You have to beat him away with a stick sometimes when he fucks you too rough and you need a day to recover.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Frank likes to buy toys for you when he goes away before a job. He likes to ring you to make sure you're using them and how they feel. He likes watching you use them too.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Frank is a HUGE asshole for this. He LOVES to tease you, work you up, then deny orgasms from you. He has a way with words that really gets you going. When you tease him in revenge, he hates it, he absolutely MUST be in charge and will show you a lesson.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Frank is VERY vocal, he likes to talk through exactly what he's going to do with you, even in public he likes to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, as well as the occasional derogatory pet names, and a "good girl" on a particularly nice day. He likes seeing how wild his voice drives you. He also moans an awful lot, especially in your ear, when fucking but also when feeding from you, saying how good you taste, which sends you into overdrive. It's honestly his hottest feature in your opinion.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Frank loves seeing you tied up, as well as the occasional CNC where he would kidnap you and have his way with you. Another roleplay favourite of Frank's (and yours too) is being chased in the woods and hiding from him. He likes to smell the blood and the wetness coming from you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Frank is average girth wise, but is slightly longer than most. He likes it when you choke on him from oral, and when he can see the bulge in your stomach when he fucks you against your cervix.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Frank post vamp has an insane sex drive, he loves using his vampirism, especially for sex. Not exactly that he misses you, he more misses the effect he has over you. He is a walking red flag, but the sex is great.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Frank doesn't sleep an awful lot. He never really switches off from work, so he would leave you in peace to go work or do some last minute planning in a different room, and end up falling asleep there.

[choccy-milky]

oh boy anon, you’ve activated my trap card. GET READY FOR A SEBASTIAN CHARACTER ANALYSIS ESSAY BELOW LMAO

ok so first off I know im obvs biased, but I don’t actually think my seb is that ooc, AND PUT DOWN YOUR PITCHFORKS IMMA EXPLAIN WHY. but im also gonna explain why I don’t think the other more friendly and lighthearted renditions of seb are ooc either. bc theres so many aspects of seb we get in the game that can be interpreted in so many diff ways, and so this is how i see it/landed on MY rendition of seb:

PROTECTIVENESS/POSSESSIVENESS: this is one of the main aspects of him, imo. his entire questline is about wanting to cure anne, and how he’s not giving up, and how he believes that HE is the only one that can do it, because “she’s MY sister!” seb is super tunnel visioned and has a one-track mind when it comes to this, and I headcanon that he’s this way because of their parents deaths. he’s the brother, the boy, he’s gotta be strong for his sister, and ofc when their parents died, he tries to comfort her and be there for her/be the rock, and it happens again when she’s sick. shes his sister, his responsibility, and he’ll die before he gives up on her and her safety.

SO, I just transfer all those aspects over to a romantic relationship instead. you just replace “shes my sister” with simply, “she’s mine/my gf/my wife/etc.” and in the same way I think seb tries to be strong and reliable and protect anne because he’s the brother, I think seb would be the same way in a relationship, because he’s a boy and she’s a girl and its 1890 and he’s chivalrous and he just sees it as his responsibility. I think the death of his parents and his dynamic with anne has baked this sort of mindset into him, and its even MORE intense in a romantic aspect, because then hormones and puberty and sexual tension and attraction is involved (plus the fact that seb in my fic is 17, so he’s older and has even stronger raging hormones and testosterone LOL.

JEALOUSY: who can forget the lines “between the two of you, I’m starting to feel left out” and “ominis simply needs a moment with you and he’ll change his mind. is that it?” the first one is more playful but I feel like the second one really showcases sebs brand of jealousy, and how biting and uncharitable it can be.

AGGRESSION/VIOLENCE: yet another iconic line with: “fine. but ominis knows, I won’t step back from a fight.” LIKE... the fact that apparently ominis knows this means its come up more than once…and im not saying seb is some unruly aggressor who flies off the handle at anything, but he defs has a capacity and is willing to get violent if HE believes the situation calls for it—basically the same way he feels about the dark arts. he felt justified using imperio to protect anne, and taking the relic to save anne, and so he would have fought ominis to get out of the catacomb. and with MY seb, while he doesn’t go picking fights with any boy who looks or gets close to clora, he’ll definitely be willing to beat up or lay hands on a creep who bothers clora/who is in the process of bothering her LOL.

SO YEAH, that’s pretty much it, and I’ll be the first to admit I definitely ramp up these traits further because he’s older in my fic and i think these traits would only get more intensified with age + being in love and also bc IM A TWILIGHT GIRLIE!!! what can I say. there are so many moments in my fic where you can just replace seb with edward and it wouldn’t seem out of place tbh LMAOO so blame twilight, it was a formative experience for me BAHAHA

BUT like I ALSO said, I don’t think peoples more lighthearted interpretations of seb are ooc either. because even all my earlier above examples, you can just focus on diff aspects of them. like his tunnel vision and obsession to cure anne? instead of seeing it as over the top protective and possessive, you can just view it in a more wholesome determined selfless sort of way. like I said we got so many nice little bits and ingredients of his personality that we can turn into anything we want, really👌just pick which flavour of seb u like best and use what we got in game to create it HAHA

AW TYY QUEEN BAHAHA💖 and aw im always so honoured when ppl tell me they consider my stuff canon that’s like the best compliment I can get, tysm 😭 and im glad you like my fic and art so much (enough for your friends and family to unfortunately know💀 LMAOO)

im adding your ask to this because it kinda ties into my seb essay. LETS GET INTO WHY A SWEET BABY ANGEL WOULD LIKE SOMEONE LIKE SEB. the answer ISSS: the same reason WE’RE also all into him I guess?? BAHHA

ok but to start off im gonna defend my seb, not only cause of what you said anon (i dont want you to feel like this is targeted to you!) but also bc I got an ask recently asking me to summarize seb and clora’s relationship since all they see from my art is that “they fuck and seb is possessive” LMAO, and I feel like ppl who JUST see my art and don’t read my fic have a warped image of my seb.

this may be shocking but I don’t consider my seb a red flag LMAO. I joke about how hes more of a pink flag tbh, but even THAT i dont even really believe, and don’t even consider him overly possessive. like yes he keeps an eye on her when shes hanging around other boys, but I feel like that’s normal (esp for 1890) and all of his most possessive moments have been when theres been a threat to cloras life/coming from a place of love and protection (especially since clora is so self-sacrificial, she’d have killed herself by now if not for seb LOL) so to me id actually put Sebastian as being PROTECTIVE as his first and foremost trait, followed by the possessiveness.

and yeah he gets jealous, but unless a dude is actively trying to get with her/hitting on her/harassing her, he’ll otherwise just kinda be unhappy about it/let it play out/ watch on unhappily LOL. and even when lawley was blackmailing clora and getting in between her and sebs relationship and lying about how close he and clora were, seb demanded answers from CLORA on what was happening between the two of them, but he didn’t touch lawley or tell him to stay away. bc seb thought that was what clora wanted, so he let her drift away. if he was TRULY a red flag, in this instance he would have just beat up lawley for taking what was "his"/not allow clora to leave him/immediately go to lawley instead of clora, and tell him to stay away despite what clora might want. (and clora even WISHED seb had interfered and done this. she was like 'why is he letting me drift away and go off with lawley i WANT him to fight for me...but she couldn't actually say anything thanks to the blackmail)

clora doesn’t just 'put up' with sebs more possessive and protective behaviour though, she actually likes it HAHA. just bc shes a precious baby angel, we all like a bad boy, even back then. just look at jane eyre, and how popular the dark and brooding and assholey mr. rochester was.

she tells seb at one point that she likes those things about him, even his immature competitive side, and his darker sides, and that he shouldn’t try to hide them or change himself because she accepts them. and even putting aside all of the stuff they’ve been through together that has bonded them (like the main canon quests + annes curse and then CLORA being cursed, and then clora being kidnapped and seb saving her) clora thought seb was roguish and charming and witty and intelligent and good looking from day 1. add to the fact that he’s just so devoted to her in everything he does, that even if he CAN get a bit overbearing at times, how could you NOT fall for someone like that😩 someone whose possessive behavior just stems from wanting to protect you and love you and want to keep you safe and cherish you like DAMN…. GET ME A SEB, TOO. WHERES MINE!!!😭😭

clora also realizes in ch 32 WHY seb is so protective of her (the trauma with his parents and wanting to be there for anne) and that she accepts it, and enjoys it, and that she might even MISS it if seb were to ever get less protective of her/might get lonely LOL, and then sebs like "i’ve "spoiled you, have i?"

so YEAH I don’t think sebs protectiveness and possessiveness goes into any toxic territory or red flag territory PERSONALLY (and the time that it DID get toxic was because of the relic, and clora DID put her foot down)

but my normal seb? whose dream in life is to whisk clora away into a tower and lock her up to keep her safe and keep her all to himself, but that he’d never ACTUALLY do because he knows its insane and unreasonable but jokes about wanting to do it anyway bc he would if clora agreed? clora finds that endearing and cute and is touched by how much he loves her and wants to keep her safe.

IN CLOSING: I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOUR AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER👩‍❤���‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

[the-unconquered-queen]

I had a realization about my Blades MC x LI dynamics which means absolutely nothing but has been living rent-free in my head all day regardless. Here goes:

TyrilMC/AerinMC - Lovers who happen to be best friends

MalMC - Best friends who happen to be lovers

Ramble I had to add under a read more because it was originally going in the tags before I realized I was approaching 30 tags with no end in sight (it's gonna show):

Look, I can't speak for y'all's MCs and pairings and playthroughs, but that's literally how it is in mine. And I'm not favoring one type of dynamic over the other, it's just a difference I've noted and this is how I finally put it into words. And I can't speak for all LI/MC dynamics either, which is why I'm limiting this to the LIs I personally romance.

I was just thinking that Mal's scenes often feel like they have a bit more of a friendship element to them even when they're romantic compared perhaps to the others, if that makes sense? I mean, MC is literally said to be Mal's best friend regardless of whether you're on his route or not, whereas for my other two LIs, there is definitely a strong friendship, but it feels like it is strengthened by their relationship with MC.

The more obvious example of the two is Aerin. Lbr, who is his best friend if not MC. And I feel like being on his route emboldens his being intimate with MC, and I'm not even referring to physical intimacy, just in an opening up kind of way, an expressing himself more freely kind of way. 'Cause if you're not on his route, there's no real reason for him and MC to be particularly close as a duo within the larger group, and they are not portrayed as one by the book either. MC is often not even particularly nice to him outside of his diamond scenes. So while my MC does genuinely enjoy Aerin's company, I know their bond is harder to justify on canon alone if they're not dating.

And then in Tyril's case I think his romantic relationship with MC really propels their specific Kilvali, even though I think there'd be a special kinship between them regardless if he and MC are the only elves in the party (which is the case in my pt) and they nevertheless would grow closer by virtue of him being a link to MC's lost culture and heritage that he enjoys teaching her about, but I think their love is what makes them such a close duo and therefore reinforces their friendship. I mean, consider how long it took for Tyril to recognize his relationship with MC as Dinvali vs how much longer it was for Kilvali, even though they had a blossoming friendship before it turned sexual.

Meanwhile, with Mal, it's like their relationship was the natural progression to their friendship, making it the other way around for MalMC—as in, their friendship strengthens their relationship. Because if I take away all romantic elements of my MC's relationships with them and leave only the platonic—and also strip personal headcanons about their dynamics and personalities to focus on what the books actually wrote (because, for example, you can hc an MC who has basically the same personality as Tyril/Aerin which is why they get along so swimmingly, so maybe a sarcastic, blunt MC for Aerin or a cool, sort of stoic MC for Tyril, who then is a perfect fit for their respective LI, but that doesn't mean that's how the writers wrote MC, who, like it or not, does still have a canon personality that is closer Mal's and not much like the other two), anyway yeah, so strip all of that and Mal would likely be the one of the three MC is closest to. I think that canon MC personality is a big reason why the MalMC dynamic is pretty effortless, while I feel like if I don't make the active effort to include TyrilMC/AerinMC in my playthrough (with romance being the more effective method imo, bc it leads to coded moments instead of just vanishing entirely as soon as a diamond scene is over), the game will not do it for me and they will not be as prominent.

And this is something that I think works for these LIs' personalities! Because Tyril and Aerin are more reserved characters who need to be close to someone (in this case, through a relationship) before they are comfortable letting loose and truly being themselves. As in, you have to get past their initial lack of charm to get to their actual charm. Whereas Mal is the opposite because he is very charming and charismatic right off the bat, so you don't need to tease that out of him, but it's within the relationship that he can be more real, such as him admitting to MC after a b1 hookup that (before her) he wasn't used to wanting certainty, a home, and someone to share it with, plus the rest of that vulnerable conversation. So then, instead of Mal starting out more serious and having the relationship show him how to let loose, he starts out casual and the relationship emboldens him to be serious, I think is a way it could be put.

Aside from personalities, it's possible that the timelines play into this as well, when you think about it. Yeah, all three of these LIs have stated at different points throughout the series that they were attracted to MC upon meeting her, but Mal was the one who was a friend the longest before the dynamics took a turn for the romantic. Because while Mal's and Tyril's relationships with MC were both taken to another level that night they had their first kisses in the lodge, Mal had been traveling with MC longer (consider how long it takes the group to get from one location to another off-screen) and therefore had more time to grow platonically before something else was added to the mix.

And Aerin, of course, took the fastest track, given that MC could kiss him the very day they met, and, if romanced since book 1 (which is the case in my playthrough) at no point has their relationship ever been solely friendly as a result, and even when they grow back together in book 2, MC learning to be friends with him post-betrayal happens simultaneously as MC and Aerin rekindling their past romance. Considering his characterization, I'd like to point out that Aerin seems to have an easier time with romance than friendship, as (so far—shoutout non-VIPs) he doesn't really show hesitance when it comes to being with MC romantically (aside from worrying—completely reasonably, may I add—that she wouldn't want him after the stuff he's pulled) and does often take the lead in that regard, but it's the idea of budding friendship that sent him running for the hills. Even now, as of b3 ch 11, he's said he's "not there yet" about his closeness to the party, but didn't even hesitate before proudly introducing MC as the "love of his life" to his mother. In his case, it's definitely the relationship helping the friendship progress.

To finish this off, I'm not saying all of this stuff I've been pointing out is exclusive to the romance routes. Certainly someone who's not romancing these LIs can have moments in their playthroughs where they let down their guards to their MCs, but I feel that, within my playthough in which they are romanced, this is how their dynamics appear, and this recontextualizes scenes and dialogues that any player can get outside of their romances. So yeah, I'm not trying to minimize whatever friendships other people's MCs might have with these LIs and I'm definitely not implying that either friendship or romance is inherently better or more profound than the other. But just that ever since I came to the conclusion that the MalMC friendship feeds and elevates the MalMC romance while the TyrilMC/AerinMC romance feeds and elevates the TyrilMC/AerinMC friendship, I feel like I'm seeing their dynamics in a new light.

[merp-blerp]

TW: Discussion of sexual assault and suicidal ideation

I've been seeing some debate about Calypso and whether or not she sexually assaulted Odysseus and I want to throw in my two cents.

I'll say straight out of the gate that I don't currently like her much. I feel pretty icky about her personally.

Comparing Ody's behavior in Epic prior to "Love in Paradise" vs during the song feels so... clearly different. He seems very traumatized by whatever has been happening on that isle. It almost feels out of character for him to consider dying instead of fighting to get home alive like he had been, but putting myself in his shoes I can see how he came to that through what's textually known. He has been trapped on that isle for 7 years—that's nearly a decade, with no way to get out, everyone he knows and loves dead or far away with no way to know where he is or if he's alive. While I obviously would never think that's a good decision, I can see how he got to the point of wanting to end it. And if he's been sexually assaulted like he was in The Odyssey, I understand it more due to how that can warp a person's mental health.

I've seen some say, "Calypso is just a sweetie who doesn't know how to love properly" (paraphrasing of an actual comment I've seen). Even if she really just doesn't know how to care for a mortal, as many of the gods seemingly don't, I think she understands her power over mortals with her "Bow down now to the immortal Calypso" comment. She also understands that Odysseus doesn't want her, with the first part of her response to Ody's threats being "Oh handsome, you may try". She knows that he may try to escape by killing her (even though she can't die). Honestly, why would she feel the need to trap him if she didn't know good and well that he would want to escape her? She knew what she was doing was something that would make him want to run. Calypso being a goddess automatically gives their dynamic a power imbalance of course. Even though the assault is only implied, the fact that she's trapping Ody against his will, super infatuated by him, and still says "Soon, into bed we'll climb and spend our time", makes me feel like the indication is clear. What's stopping her from trying to have "sex" with him (sex isn't sex without consent)? She's already ignored all his declines. She seems to think that forcing her "love" onto him will make him love her. Yes, she uses lovey-dovey language so I doubt it would've appeared violent, but sexual assault doesn't have to look violent and the perpetrator doesn't have to appear aggressive. It's telling that I've seen some say, "Save that energy for Antinous" because Antinous is much more obviously bad, but this kind of thing isn't always obvious. That kind of assault is still extremely traumatizing whether it's sugarcoated as if it's love or not. It's dismaying that some reactions to Calypso bypass her potential assaulting or "She's weird, but she seems to care for him!" And since the sexual part of the assault is technically subtext (for now, who knows about later), I'll say that even if Calypso didn't sexually harm him, she still forces physical and verbal intimacy onto him and traps him so he can't leave. We see that. That's still assault. The only reason why I don't feel similarly about Epic's version of Circe is that her intent wasn't to have sex with Ody but to distract and throw him off with talk of sex so she could stab him as he's vulnerable; Circe never wanted to have sex with Ody in actuality. Calypso's intent was romantic intimacy and she didn't care if Odysseus said no, she completely bypassed it. Calypso saying "You're mine, all mine" feels as threatening as Circe's "I've got you" was meant to be.

Anything can change between now and the next two sagas. It could either be fully confirmed or denied that sexual assault took place. I actually don't expect either, as I don't think Jay would go too deep into such a traumatic concept in Epic, but then again I also didn't expect suicidal ideation to be brought up at all and it absolutely shocked me when it was, so I could be wrong. But whether it's confirmed or not, I don't blame any Epic fans who don't like Calypso or even hate her over what she did and what it's implied she did. It's icky watching some fans tell others they shouldn't hate Calypso because of this or that as if this isn't a sensitive and complex topic. It's creepy. I don't think we should tell people not to hate a character associated with sexual assault. The sexual assault might be subtext, but subtext is important and sometimes is implemented intentionally. Not every part of a story is going to be given to you at face value. Just because "Epic didn't say that" doesn't mean that the implication doesn't matter. People interact with stories in different ways, so you can disagree with others—no one can take that from you, but you don't get to tell someone they can't feel a certain way about a character. I don't like saying this because I really shouldn't have to put it in this perspective for it to be understood, but I can't help but feel like if Calypso and Ody's genders were swapped some people would treat this implication differently. Sexually or not she hurts him.

Normally I don't like taking lore from The Odyssey and automatically applying it to Epic, as Epic has changed a lot of rules from The Odyssey because Jay wants to tell this story his own story. For example, I personally choose not to assume Eury and Ody are brothers-in-law in Epic like they are in The Odyssey because that hasn't been stated in Epic so far. But to me, the implications of Ody's sexual assault are there enough for me personally to think that it might take place in both stories. Jay seems to want Epic to be accessible to many people, so it doesn't surprise me that this element of The Odyssey was brought up in a more subtextual/"hinted at" way.

Calypso is a very interesting character, maybe the most out of all the Epic antagonists so far for me, but we don't have to think of her as not doing anything wrong in order to enjoy that character, her songs, her cute physical character design, or Barbara Wangui's beautiful voice.

[The remainder of this post contains potential spoilers for the unreleased (to date) Vengeance Saga under the cut]

[Edit: Now complete with some post-Vengeance Saga release points]

Another defense of Calypso I've seen is that in the snippets for "I'm Not Sorry for Loving You", Ody says he loves Calypso, but not in the way she wants him to. This could mean they're friends and therefore doubt about the sexual assault could be cast.

It's hard to assess this because the saga's not out yet, but it's worth remembering that abuse can come out of care, in a complicated way. You can care for someone so much you end up hurting them, usually out of wanting to control them. Calypso seems to fit that concept. And most Epic snippets don't give full context, naturally, so who knows why Ody says this at the moment. Maybe he means it, or maybe he's bluffing to guarantee he'll get what he wants (which is to be set free in this instance), like when meeting Athena, or to appease a god, like when "apologizing" to Poseidon in "Ruthlessness". And of course, victims don't have to hate their perpetrators if they choose not to. Odysseus can care about Calypso and she can still have hurt him really badly. Both of these things can be true.

The way I read it, Calypso doesn't love Odysseus like she thinks she does. She's infatuated by him and cares for him enough to not be obviously cold like all the other obstacles Ody faced initially are. She declares that she loves him as soon as he wakes up on her isle without knowing him at all. She didn't even know his name. The washed-up person on her isle could've been anyone and she likely would've "loved" them. Calypso only loves Ody because he stops her loneliness, not for who he is. When she begins to state that she loves him she doesn't even know him. Over the 7 years, she seems to have potentially gotten to know him a bit, saying "I know your life's been hard", but Odysseus himself asserts that she doesn't really know what he's been through. You can call someone (against their will, let me remind you) "my dear, my love for life" all you want, but that doesn't mean you love them. Ody's her first companion in years if not ever, of course she cares for him on a basic level. She won't kill him or let him jump off a cliff. But she doesn't love him or treat him like a human and obey his boundaries and wants. She treats him like an object or pet she owns and has to guard.

In "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" Calypso says that Ody is all she's ever known because she was abandoned. It's understandable that she would latch onto a living creature after being alone for so long. But that's not necessarily love, at least not to me. If I love someone I wouldn't bypass their refusal to do something. And I wouldn't trap them with me and not let them go, even when they're about to jump off a cliff because they see no way out. I'm not sure if Calypso means to bring malice, she at least says she "bring(s) no pain", but she does regardless or if she intends to. Calypso hasn't had anyone in her company, let alone someone to love, for so long, maybe in her whole life. That's why she doesn't know what love is, so of course when she catches fickle feelings for Odysseus she assumes that's love and has no clue what to do with her "love", as she admits in "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You". Calypso's actions are understandable, but that doesn't mean they're excusable or not abusive. What she does to him is understandable, but selfish and only serves herself, which isn't what you do to someone you love. Note that the way I use understandable here does not equate to forgivable, it just means conceivable. And her apology to him really waters down the magnitude of her actions, saying she "pushed" him, "came on too strong", and that her love might've been "too much" for Ody.

I apologize for this being such a long rant, but I wanted to cover all the excuses for Calypso I'd seen and speak my mind on why I think they're misguided at best.

Post-Vengeance Saga Edits:

Now that The Vengeance Saga has been released, I can comfortably say that I still don't like Calypso, and I think this saga just encourages me to do that. I wasn't anticipating the entirety of "I'm Not Sorry for Loving You" to basically have been featured in the snippets. I was expecting the official song to give more context, maybe showcasing Ody and Calypso having a dialogue, but no! That was really it. And I'm honestly happy for it. It seems like the show recognizes that Calypso is in the wrong, with the way we aren't meant to really ruminate on Ody leaving her. The excuse I talked about above using the theory that Calypso and Odysseus would turn out to have been friends because he said he loved her? I just don't think that held much water by release. I particularly want to point out the way @gigizetz drew Ody's face as he leaves in the commissioned animatic from Jay's stream:

While I can't say for certain that he doesn't mean the "I love you" in some way... he doesn't look like he means it to me. There's no lovey-softness in his eyes, like you might have when you look at your friends when saying I love you. He looks beaten down. Tired. Above, I proposed that Ody might just be blowing smoke to further get what he wants from her. I don't think there's quite enough insight for me to say I was necessarily right on that, but Ody doesn't actually appear that attached to her, certainly not enough so for me to confidently say that I think his "I love you" is genuine. He doesn't even look like he'll miss her, he looks beyond ready to go as she shouts, not pained by her tears. Honestly, Ody might've just said that so she'd stop talking so he could leave. Now there is one more saga left, so maybe he'll wistfully mention or remember her, but I'm not really expecting it based on the official visuals that Jay okay'd. Humbly, I'll say that I don't think Odysseus feels much for Calypso. We don't get happy moments of them together and not even a proper goodbye filled with mutual pain. We just get her backwards apology that basically says, "Sorry I hurt you, but not fully. Shut up and let me talk about me and justify why I trapped you. Wish you'd stop rejecting me despite the fact that I've hurt you. Let me shout that I hate that I fell for you—only because this hurt me unlike I wanted when I kidnapped you—who cares if it hurt you." This moment is not at all a redemption for Calypso. It's her downfall. Her negative character arc. She didn't want to be alone so bad she trapped a person against his will and now she is alone forever (in this show). She can't even have Ody as a friend (and she won't accept purely his friendship anyway based on how the song ends). Who knows how different things would've been if she had just been more... normal when he washed up on her isle? The situation was tragic for them both in different ways, but I'm not sorry for Calypso. Calypso is so interesting as a character. Side-lining her actions just bards us from being able to assess her.

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞. | 𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐬 & 𝐰𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐬

⬷ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬

pairing: felix x fem!reader (afab) // chan x fem!reader (afab)

genre: nonidol/collegegrad!felix. waitress!reader. college au. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. friends to enemies to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining. cheating. abusive boyfriend/ex. drama galore. the sexual tension is REAL in this one.

content & warnings: brief depictions of violence/a person getting jumped, and the aftermath of that. smut that includes: unprotected sex, breast play, dirty talk, riding, slight breeding kink, creampie, lots of making out, y/n and felix are basally two switches in this ngl. please take care in reading.

word count: 6.2k

summary: ever since you were born, all you've ever known is living a simple life in the small australian coastal town of bridgeport bay. you're content with working at your parent's beachside restaurant angel waves for the rest of your life, and you're happy with your place in the world - you have good friends and an even better boyfriend. that is, until everything comes to a standstill when a familiar face from the past visits town for the summer. and in the wake of his return, lee felix upturns everything you thought you were content with here in your comforting little beach town.

a/n: you guys, I swear to GOD that I did not fucking forget about this fic!!! 💀 trust me, I see all of the msgs and comments in my inbox across my platforms. I've just been too busy and tired from my daily life to keep up with writing much these days. on top of that, I don't feel particularly inclined to write straight-coupled smut rn. plus, my long-distance girlfriend just left from her weekend visit, so besides uni and work, she's been keeping me quite busy. 🤭 anyways, I hope ya'll enjoyed the end of this small series of mine, and thanks for all of the love you guys have shown it over the past year~!! 💗

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

The worst thing about the next two weeks after your moment with Felix in his bedroom was that the entire time, Chris didn’t even reach out once. 

 There were no calls, no texts, no emails, no letters. 

 Just… nothing. 

 And that hurt the most out of everything else. 

 Pretty soon after your night spent over at Felix’s house, you came to terms with the end of the relationship. With the cheating and all the other shit. 

 But the one thing you couldn’t shake was the fact that there was complete radio silence on his end. 

 He didn’t even try to fight for you. 

 Didn’t even do his very best to get you back. 

 Instead, he just kept living his life, while he continued to fuck your best friend. 

 Yeji, on the other hand, had texted and called you at least a dozen times. None of which, you replied to. 

 She was acting like you two were in a romantic relationship. Like she was Chris in the situation. 

 It took her showing up to Angel Waves on a busy Friday night to finally be your breaking point. You were fed up with her bullshit. What ensued was a huge blowup between the two of you at the front of the restaurant. 

 But mostly, it was just you screaming. You who was the one who yelled at the top of your lungs, the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. 

 For the most part, Yeji stayed silent. Just standing there and taking the brunt of all your hatred and disgust. And finally, when you told her you guys were done… that the friendship was officially over, that’s when she started to protest. 

 Soon, she was yanking on your hands, begging you to ‘not do this,’ and to ‘think it over some because-‘ But you had heard enough. From the moment you saw that long-ass text thread between her and your boyfriend, it had been over. 

 And just like that, the friendship was broken, and you were having your father escort her out of AW. Before you knew it, he was telling her never to come back again, and never to grace the doorstep of your house, otherwise he’d press charges. Since you had told your parents about the breakup and everything else that had happened along the way, they were fully on board with protecting you from the people who had hurt you so much. 

 Thankfully, Yeji didn’t go any further. As quickly as she had shown up at the front door of Angel Waves, she was gone. Forever. Good riddance to her, you said to yourself as you watched her walk down the side of the restaurant and towards the parking lot. 

 Perhaps the worst part about those two weeks after the breakup was the fact that you hardly got to see Felix. Between you grieving the relationship alone late at night in your room, studying homework, and waitressing at AW, you hardly had any free time to yourself to reach out to him. 

 But because Felix was… well, Felix, he made it a point to text you every single morning and night. Checking up on you and letting you know he was always there, rooting for you. That his door was always open in case you wanted to talk. 

 And for the most part, you found that you were doing okay. You wanted to be left alone in your thoughts. At least, for a little while. Yet, late at night, when your eyes were puffy from crying and your throat was scratchy, you’d look out of your bedroom window and watch the dark tidal waves ripple in the distance. 

 The changes in the blue colors of the ocean felt like your feelings throughout that time. One moment they were crystal clear, the next they were the deepest shade of cerulean. Through it all, you were lucky to have Felix by your side. Silently supporting you from afar. 

 That’s why, when Han Jisung showed up one random Thursday night to Angel Waves during a lull, you were confused out of your mind. He had already been served and was chowing down on a huge burger and fries. When you walked up to him, already smoothing down your apron and dress, he didn’t even pay you any attention. 

 “Uhm- Ji, what the fuck are you doing here?” You asked incredulously. Because although you guys were friends, he hadn’t frequented the restaurant much, quoting that it was ‘much too bougie for his taste.’ 

 At the sound of your voice, he looked up from his plate and flashed you a wide grin just as he stuffed a couple of fries into his mouth. “Goddamn- this shit is good… did you know that, Y/N?” He laughed as he took another bite out of the burger. 

 Rolling your eyes at him, you looked around the restaurant to make sure you weren’t needed elsewhere before you sat down in the booth’s seat across from him. “Yeah, because my parents own the fucking place.” You deadpanned, raising an eyebrow his way as he grinned at you from behind his burger. “But I don’t think you came here tonight to devour a burger. So… what’s up?” 

 He took a swig of his chilled bottle of coke before finally answering your prodding. “Did you know that Chris is in the hospital right now?” 

 And just like that, your entire world stopped. 

 Everything came to a standstill. 

 The noise, hustle and bustle. The energy flowing throughout Angel Waves honed down to a single point as you focused on Jisung’s words. 

 Because… what, the actual, fuck?

 Leaning forward in your seat slowly, you could feel your heart beat wildly against your ribcage as your eyes grew in shock. “I’m sorry- what?”

 Jisung shrugged nonchalantly like this news was completely mind-blowing. “Yeah, Jeongin texted me last night, guess he visited him in the ER yesterday. Rumor has it he got jumped or something…” Then he was leaning forward too, eyes floating around the room before locking onto yours and dropping his voice down into a whisper. “But c’mon, a jump in Bridgeport? No fucking way. My bet is, he got mixed up in the wrong crowd involving drugs or some shit.” 

 “Chris. Got. Jumped.” You said slowly, shaking your head in disbelief as your mind started spinning with millions of thoughts. But the one that came to the forefront, you blurted out immediately. “How bad is it? It must be pretty horrible if it landed him in the ER.” 

 Jisung was busy stuffing his face with more burger and talked between chewing. “Beats me- Jeongin mentioned something about a few broken bones and some really bad cuts, but I’m sure that fucker will survive no problem.” Since everything that had happened between you and Chris within the past few weeks, Jisung had also cut all ties with him and officially hated his guts. “Serves him right, honestly, from the kind of freakish shit he pulled with you and Yeji…” 

 After that, Jisung kept talking. But you couldn’t hear him, couldn’t pay attention to him any longer. 

 Because all you could think about was what Felix had told you a few days prior. How he had to go out of town for the weekend to complete some “interviews” for a dance instructor position he was interested in. He had mentioned something about it being a few hours away, but so suddenly, everything was clicking. 

 How he told you not to worry if he didn’t reply to your calls and texts. 

 How he said he’d be back late at night that Wednesday. 

 You were shooting up from your seat after that, checking the current time on your phone. It read just a little past eleven at night. Hopefully, Felix was still up. Hopefully, he was home. 

 When Jisung noticed you moving away from the table, he grabbed ahold of your hand to stop you in your tracks. “Where are you going?” 

 “I think I know who did it.” You began, giving him the look. Jisung’s eyes searched your entire face, and for a moment, you automatically knew when it clicked in his mind. When it registered, with stark clarity. 

 “He did what he had to do.” 

 “It’s fucking illegal, Ji.”

 Shrugging nonchalantly for the second time that night, Jisung took a dainty sip of his coke. “I mean, if it was me- Chris wouldn’t even be alive at this point.” 

 You pushed on his shoulder, scoffing lowly. “Well then, good thing you’re not in the same position.” And with that, you were fleeing from the restaurant entirely, ripping off your apron and throwing it on a nearby barstool as you made your way out the back entrance. 

 Felix’s house rose against the horizon in the distance. You broke out into a run, turning breathless fairly quickly from the adrenaline and worry running through your veins. As you got closer to the white-wooden paneled house, you noticed how most of the lights were switched off. 

 Save for the one in his bedroom. 

 Taking in a deep breath of relief, you made to climb up the porch and hoist open his bedroom window. Just like he had taught you all those years ago when you’d sneak into his bedroom after curfew during high school. 

 The fucking pane wasn’t even unlocked - figured, since he trusted the police officers a little too much in Bridgeport - and soon, you were climbing through the window and sitting down at the edge of his bed. 

 The nearby bathroom light was on, the warmth radiating from the crack of the door near the floorboards, and you could hear water running just behind the door. 

 Holding your breath, your hands twisted together with your nervousness. The air suddenly felt so fucking stifling and warm, yet you could feel the gooseflesh running down the lengths of your bare arms as you sat there. 

 Perhaps you shouldn’t have worn such a thin white tank top when it was on the chillier side of a summer night. Looking down, you realize just how short your ripped shorts were. They rode up your thighs as you sat there across his bed, and you hastily pulled them down to save some form of modesty. 

 Before you could fix up any other part of yourself, the bathroom door was swinging open and the trapped light was flooding across the entire dimly-lit bedroom. The warmth cascaded across your skin, and when you looked up from the ground, Felix was illuminated by it. 

 He was… shirtless. 

 With… messy, dripping wet hair and a pair of loose black sweatpants haphazardly thrown on.

 “Y/N- uh, what are you doing here?” He asked hesitantly, running his hands through the back of his hair in the way he always did when he was taken aback. “I just got back from a swim, I didn’t-“

 “Is it true?” 

 “Is… what true?” He raised a dark, perfectly manicured eyebrow your way as he neared his desk. Reaching out, he squirted out a tiny bit of lotion onto his delicate fingers and gently patted the product onto his skin. 

 “The fact that Chris is in the fucking hospital right now.” 

 “Oh. That,” he didn’t even seem surprised to hear your words, meaning that he had already heard about it. He rubbed a small amount of emulsion onto his cheeks before flashing you with a tiny grin, staring at you through the mirror. “Minho told me this morning. Heard it’s pretty bad.” 

 “Show me your hands, Felix.” You said, voice low and icy against your tongue. For a moment, Felix stopped his movements at the desk. He just stared at you from the mirror that was hung on the wall in front of it. And when he made no sign of moving, of heeding your words, you pressed again. “Felix. Show me your fucking hands.”  

 Felix raised an eyebrow your way, as he closed the bottle of lotion and placed it back on its glass holder atop his desk. “I’m at no liberty to do what you say. You can’t tell me what to do, angel… As much as you probably want to.” 

 The way the pet name sounded coming from his mouth did something funny to your insides just then. The way it twisted around his tongue and came out softly yet a little bit harsh, too, twisted up everything inside of you and made you want to scream out loud. 

 But you didn’t know if you wanted to scream at him, or for him. 

 And before your heart could catch up to what your brain was doing, you were standing up from the bed and your legs were stretching across the floor. The length between the desk and bed frame wasn’t long. And before you knew it, you were just beside Felix, taking ahold of his hands and bringing them into your line of vision. 

 They were… 

 Bruised. 

 Badly cut. 

 And various shades of violent reds and purples. 

 Half of his hands were bandaged up, the other halves were completely open. 

 “Felix… what-”

 Yanking his hands out of your hold, he ran them through his unruly blonde locks, sighing heavily. “He’s lucky I didn’t fucking kill his sorry ass. I almost did, that night on the highway- when I saw him hit you like that.” 

 Reaching out, you grabbed onto one of his hands again and squeezed it slowly. “You could go to jail for this, Lix. Chris- he’ll… he’ll press charges. You know he will.” Your voice sounded strained and desperate. And you could feel the tears pricking at the corners of your vision at the sheer thought of it all. 

 Of Felix going and seeking out your ex just so he could beat him to a pulp so much, he landed the fucker in the hospital. 

 Because no, not your Lee Felix. 

 Not the boy who was known throughout elementary middle and high school as the sweetest human in the entire world. 

 Not the boy who couldn’t hurt a fly. 

 Not your sweet, pretty… Felix. 

 Shaking his head slowly, Felix’s eyes met yours through the reflection in the mirror. “He won’t press charges, trust me. I made sure to fuck him up enough that he wouldn’t. Chris is too much of a coward to ever show his face around these parts again.” He flashed you an easy grin, squeezing your hand faintly in reassurance. 

 And you actually believed him. 

 Because if it had been bad enough to land Chris in the hospital, and leave such nasty wounds and scars across Felix’s entire hands, you were pretty sure your ex would never face either of you again. 

 “But… why? I don’t understand why you’d do something like that?” You began, getting choked up again. Chest heaving slightly, you leaned into his side, breath hitching in the pit of your throat at just the thought of Felix being taken away from your side because of a stupid fight and breakup. “Why would you do it when you know the risks? I can’t fucking lose you, Felix, I- not again. Please.” 

 At that, Felix was turning completely. So that he was facing you. And then he was pulling you towards him, wrapping his arms around your waist as you buried your face in his bare chest. His warm skin against your lips lit a fire in the pit of your stomach, but at that moment, you couldn’t see or think about anything past your tears. That were steadily flowing down your face. 

 “I’m not leaving you, Y/N. I’ve done that once, I promised you I wouldn’t do it again.” He said in a soft voice, as he carded a few fingers through your hair in a soothing gesture. 

 “Why? Why did you do it?” You cried out softly, nestling your face into his naked skin. Your body was seeking out any kind the warmth, from the way that the fright was wrapping around all of your senses in that moment. 

 For a few beats, everything was silent. The only sound in the entire bedroom was your quiet sniffles. And Felix’s breathing. Then, he spoke in that deep voice of his. “Because I care, angel. A little too much, it would seem. I care way too much to sit idly by and let a man like that walk this earth without having any consequences.” 

 “Us breaking up was a punishment enough.” 

 You could sense Felix shaking his head above you, as he held you close to his half-clothed form. “No. He never deserved you, from the very beginning. That’s why I got so angry- on graduation night. Because you couldn’t see what I saw in him… which was absolutely nothing.” As he spoke, you could feel him tensing against you. And only then, did you realize that the tears had stopped. And instead of listening to your sobs, you were listening to what he was telling you. “I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you with him when I knew he was a horrible fucking person. I couldn’t stand the thought of hearing you talk about him on our calls once I went to Korea. I couldn’t stand the thought of any of it. That’s why I cut everything off.” 

 Moving away from his chest just slightly, you stared up at him and met his gaze. “You could’ve told me all of this, you know. And I would’ve understood.” 

 Raising a noncommittal eyebrow down at you, he scoffed lowly. “Really, Y/N? Because your actions from the past say something very differently.” 

 And without even thinking about it, you were raising your hands, brushing a few strands of his loose blonde hair behind his ears. “Yes, really. Because I love you and I value your opinion so fucking much.” 

 “No, don’t say that.” 

 Felix’s words came out deathly quiet, making your heart stop beating in the pit of your chest for a few seconds. Frowning in confusion, you pressed your lips together in a displeased line. “What do you-”

 “Don’t say you love me, because we both know that if you did- you never would’ve been with him in the first place,” Felix said slowly, in a breathless kind of way. But despite his words, he was already moving slowly. Hands reaching up, his slender fingers tracing the line of your jaw. Eyes watching the way you breathed out in a shuttering kind of way at the movement. 

 “So tell me that you don’t. Tell me that you don’t love me.” He continued, even as his hand was slipping behind your neck and his other hand was finding its way onto your hip. He yanked you a little closer to his form. 

 Swallowing down a mixture of a moan and scream, you met his gaze. And there, you found a myriad of emotions. His eyes were hooded and searching, as they wandered across your face, picking up on every one of your emotions. There, you found love and… desire, too. 

 “I love you, Lee Felix.” 

 “That’s not what I told you to say. That’s the opposite, actually.” He said in a gravelly voice, the sound of it rumbling out of his chest and cascading down your entire body. 

 Shrugging just a tiny bit, you offered him a sly kind of smirk. “Guess it’s opposite day then- because I-”

 Instead of words, his mouth was the thing that cut you off next. 

 The kiss was so abrupt and sudden, that your brain had hardly any time to process it. Then, all of a sudden, you were melting into the feeling of it all. Of his lips pressed against yours, fervently seeking you out. You nearly fell into his arms, if it wasn’t for the fact that he was holding onto your waist with one hand, and the other was wrapped in your locks at the nape of your neck. 

 “F-Felix-” You moaned out softly in the split second that he pulled away to allow you time to breathe. Then his mouth was back on yours with a searing vengeance, as his tongue prodded at the line of your lips. 

 And just like that, you let him in. His warm tongue slipped between your teeth and soon you were exploring each other’s tastes in a heated, frenzied kind of way. Almost like, without the two of you even realizing it, your mouths had been craving each other from day one. 

 Felix pulled on your hair a little bit harder after that, tilting your head back just enough as his lips parted from yours. And when you were about to protest from the lack of his mouth, he trailed his head downward, making a path of gentle kisses down the side of your cheek, across the line of your jaw, and towards the column of your neck. 

 When he stopped just above your breastbone, where the top of your ruffled tank top started, he stared up at you with wide, imploring eyes. “Too much?” He asked in the gentlest of voices you had ever heard come from a man. 

 But already, you found yourself shaking your head vehemently. “No- never.” So you let him take control. You let him move you two backward until he was sitting down on the edge of the bed and you were cradling his hips with either of your legs, sitting atop his lap. 

 “I’ve wanted you like this for so fucking long, I don’t even know what to do with all of the thoughts I have right now…” He whispered, hands coming up to your shoulders and massaging the skin there. 

 You dipped into his presence, pressing a few feverish kisses against his lips. “It’s okay- I can tell you what to do,” you mumbled in between kisses, tasting him and catching his scent of body wash and salt water. “Take off my top, Lixie.” 

 And surprisingly, he did what he was told. Soon, he was helping you shed your white tank until you were down to your light purple bralette. Sitting there, on his lap, you watched all the emotions dance across his brilliant face. “You’re so fucking beautiful- I have no words anymore-” He mumbled, eyes roving across your half-exposed chest and catching on the way that your hands stretched behind your back. 

 Soon, you were unclasping your bralette and throwing it off to the side. You stared back at Felix, your gazes locking. Almost like, he couldn’t bear to move his focus anymore downwards. Like if he did, the moment between you would break and he’d wake up and realize all of it was but a mere dream on the horizon. 

 “Kiss me, Felix,” you whispered, but the deep, cloying tenderness of your voice suggested to both of you that you weren’t talking about your lips. And just like that, he was leaning forward, beginning to pepper featherlight kisses down the column of your neck and onwards. 

 Carding your hands through his damp, shaggy blonde hair, you pushed his face a little closer to your skin, guiding his mouth until his lips were hovering over your chest. Then he was looking up at you again, eyes gaping wide open almost like he was asking for permission yet again. If he didn’t get the all-clear from you for the millionth time that night, the entire thing would be ruined. 

 “Open up, baby,” is all you said in a soft voice. The whispery sound of it floated out into the darkness of the room, wrapping around the two of you just as Felix did what he was told. Like a good boy. 

 Unhinging his jaw just the tiniest of bits, he easily fit his lips around one of your pebbled nipples. And like magic, like some devilish sex faerie took ahold of his mind, he was sucking on your skin within the next breath. Sucking so good, soon you were throwing your head back in pure ecstasy. Fingers wrapping around his blonde locks a little more, you pushed his face closer to your form. 

 His teeth grazed your goose-flesh skin, licking every part of you that he could get his mouth on. And when he came up for air, the sound of saliva popping off of your cool tit, Felix was smiling a devious kind of smirk. “Your skin tastes so fucking good…” Then he was eyeing your other nipple, that had been left untouched as of yet. 

 Peering down at him with a slightly raised brow, you moved across his hips. The single shift in position made him groan out loud in pure agony, a tinge of crimson bursting across his cheeks as you ground down against the hardness between his legs. “Then why the hell did you stop, Lexie?” 

 And just like before, he was heeding your words. His mouth came around your other pert bud, sucking and licking and kissing. Meanwhile, his hands were busy roaming across your entire body… tweaking your other nipple, grasping onto your hip before skirting up the length of your spine. The entire time, you slowly moved your waist against his, feeling the tent growing just beneath the thin fabric of his black sweatpants. 

 Each time you danced a little bit closer to where you needed him most, he let out a string of filthy groans against your skin. Your movements prompted him to suck even harder, to drawl out as many heavy sighs as he could from deep inside your chest. His bare chest heaved with breath, as he rarely came up for hair. Muscled pecks and abdomen flexed, constricting every time you edged him a little bit closer to the edge. 

 When it finally became too much for him, he was pushing away from your wet, pebbled tits. “N-Need to be inside you, right fucking now.” He was practically whining, in that deep voice of him. It was really adorable if you were to be truly honest with yourself. “Please… need to… I need to…” 

 But the words didn’t make it out of his mouth in time. Instead, you were pressing up into his space, imprinting kiss after heated kiss to his swollen lips. And when you were done, you pulled away just slightly to tuck a lock of messy blonde hair behind his ear. “What do you need right now… baby? Tell me, and I’ll give it to you.” 

 “Need to fuck you,” he started, breathing heaving so deeply that his shoulders shuttered with it. Sparkly eyes peering up at you with a wide, deer-in-the-headlights kind of resemblance. “Need to breed you- fuck you raw, for Christ’s sake…” 

 He said the last of his words with a kind of venom you had never heard from him. Almost like… 

 “Felix… are you, jealous?” 

 Surprise dawned across his entire face then, as the crimson of his cheeks only deepened the freckles smattered across his skin. “W-What? No! Why would you even-”

 “Lee. Felix. Are you mad that Chris got to fuck me raw?” 

 “Well now, how could I be when I don’t know if-”

 A tiny smirk started to pull your lips upwards, as you said “Oh no, we definitely did. Most of the time, actually.” 

 Utter shock burst across his face at your confession. And for a few moments, you felt somewhat embarrassed. To admit such an intimate detail about your sex life with your longtime boyfriend. Especially to the best friend you had known since you were a little girl. 

 Flabbergasted for a few seconds, Felix raised a finger in the air in a snooty kind of way. “First of all, that is incredibly risky. Second-”

 “And like you wanting to do it now isn’t incredibly risky and dangerous too?” 

 Your snarky comeback threw his argument right back into his court. And he glared your way, rolling his glittering eyes dramatically. “Okay, but this is fucking different. I’m not gonna-”

 “Cheat on me with my best friend and then slap me across the face when I try to break up with you?” 

 “God- will you let me finish, woman?!” 

 You liked riling him up. It was fun and you had always taken great pleasure in it, ever since you were a young child. So you sat back a little bit, pushing away from his hips somewhat and folding your arms across your bare chest. “I mean yes- eventually, I am gonna let you finish tonight. But okay, make your argument.” 

 Running a frustrated hand through his silky, damp hair, Felix’s eyes searched the room for the words he wanted to say. “I don’t wanna fuck you because I think you’re easy and then I’m gonna be done with you after tonight. I wanna be with you because I fucking love you. I have, since day one. Since we were little kids, I had a raging crush that grew into an uncontrollable fire and then into a monster.” By then, he was staring right back at you again. Gazes locked, it was like he was searching into the depths of your very soul. You could see so many emotions written across his face then… love, anger, passion… “The only reason I wanna- wanna come inside is because I wanna make sure you know you’re mine and that I’m yours.” 

 For a few beats, everything was completely silent. Save for the heavy breathing on both of your ends. 

 Then, a sly kind of grin was flashing across your face as your hands hastily made their way down to your hips, ripping off your shorts at record speed. Way faster than your fingers had ever done in the entire time that you had been intimate with Chris. 

 And before you could even say anything, before any words were even spoken between the two of you after Felix’s passionate tyraid of love, you felt movement underneath you. 

 Between your legs, you could feel hands moving. Across your thighs, they danced- spreading, opening, caressing. Until they were pressed up to your very centre, drawling a loud moan from you as they played around your clit. In mere seconds, Felix was slipping two digits into you, opening you up gradually. 

 “Fuck, your pussy is stretching so nicely for me…” He grunted, leaning into you and pressing feverish kisses to your lips. He bit down on your bottom lip just slightly, and each time he hit his fingers up into that gooey spot inside of you, you swore you saw stars. “Gonna be fun to fuck this tight, pretty thing.” 

 You twirled your hips across his fingers, shivering in pure bliss each time his thumb caressed your enflamed bundle of nerves. “L-Lix… I… need…” But all semblance of forming words fled from your body entirely, as the heat of arousal overtook your entire form. 

 “You need me, hmm?” Felix mused in a deep voice, the one he knew drove you up the fucking wall in a subtle kind of way. “Okay then.” He said, and soon, his hands were yanking away from your cunt altogether, as he pushed his sweatpants down and off of his hips. 

 In mere seconds, he had his fingers gripping your bare ass, nails digging into the flesh there as he helped move you into position. Holding your breath after that, feeling it widen across the expanse of your ribcage, you slowly began to sink onto his cock, which was glistening with precum. The tip sunk in with ease, and when you finally sunk to the base, a deep wave of pleasure ran across the length of your spine. 

 He was a lot bigger than you had originally thought, and you could feel the tip of him reaching into the very depths of you as he slowly helped guide you back up his length. 

 “Shit- you feel so goddamn amazing, princess…” Felix panted out loud in a thick tone, and with that, he was gripping your hips and helping you sink back down onto his cock with keen precision. 

 With each movement of your hips, he thrust up into you, nails digging into your ass cheeks while you leaned into him, grasping onto his chiseled pecks with the force of each long drawl you took. Nothing else needed to be said between you, as you focused in on the passion that was both thrumming through your veins. 

 Every hit of his cock up into your tightness made the blood in your body boil, and each breath that you took through your constricted lungs brought you a little closer to that blissful cliffside. You cracked your eyes open just a tiny bit to watch Felix’s gaze. The way it was serious and pointed towards the point where your bodies met. 

 The sounds of skin slapping against skin, of your wetness mixing with his girth, almost sent you over the edge countless times. And each time he sheathed himself back inside of you, you could feel his length growing tighter.

 “I-I’m really close, Lix- fuck…” You cried out in a broken tone, throwing your head back as you danced ravenously across his lap. His tip reached up so far into you, that you could practically feel it in your tummy. 

 Felix shuttered in a deep, cloying breath. And when your eyes widened to focus on him again, he was smirking up at you. Pearly white teeth flashing against red lips, he made to kiss you through the wave of pent-up arousal that was flooding your entire system. “Let go for me, my perfect, pretty princess… it’s okay, you can cum around my cock. I don’t mind.” His words made your eyes cross a little bit in bliss. 

 And just like that, your body was moving on its own accord. Thigh trembling around his hips, a strangled kind of scream ripped free from the deepest parts of your soul. Within seconds, you were crashing down from your high, the orgasm lighting every part of your closed vision. Otherworldly visions and galaxies splashed across your mind, taking you to another place as you rode through your high. 

 The entire time, Felix soothed you with beautiful words of praise. And when it was finally time for him to cum, you were only pushed further over the edge of your orgasm. The feeling of him shooting himself deep inside of you made your eyes cross and made you bite your lip in pure ecstasy.

 “Goddamn- your pussy feels so fucking good pulsing around my cock like that- milking me dry-” Felix was spewing half-nonsense as he rode out his own high, thrusting up into you and fucking the cum back between your walls. You were incredibly glad that you hadn’t used anything for protection because you knew that your first time with Felix wouldn’t have felt as special if there was plastic between the two of you. 

 When the two of you finally came down from your highs, it was only a matter of time before Felix was pulling out of you. Groaning at the absence of him, he positioned the two of you so that you were both lying down on his bed. 

 “Was that… too much?” He asked, turning onto his side to peer into your eyes.

 Mimicking his posture, you traced a few fingers across his freckled cheeks which were still warm to the touch from arousal. “Baby, no. It was perfect because you’re perfect.”  

 He giggled like a little schoolboy at that, grabbing ahold of your waist and yanking you close to his form. He brought his face close to yours, whispering in the lightest of voices, “I’m so lucky to have you in my life again. From the moment we first time, I never wanted to be parted from you, Y/N.” 

 “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Felix.” You murmured, just as he leaned in to press fleeting kiss after kiss against your lips. Then you were pulling away from his affection, offering him a smirk. “Now help me clean myself up.” 

 “Why? You don’t wanna carry my baby?” He was pretending to be offended, furrowing his brow and frowning in a sardonic kind of way. 

 Punching his bare shoulder playfully, you rolled your eyes in only a slight bit of annoyance. “Not right now, stupid.”

 “Okay, but that leaves the future up for interpretation…” 

 For a few seconds, you let the silence fade between you. And you could feel the tiny smile crack across the corners of your lips as the realization entered Felix’s mind. That quite possibly, one day, when the two of you were much older, you’d want to carry his babies.

 Then, in the blink of an eye, he was grasping your hands and pulling you up from the bed. Leading you open to the bathroom with a bright grin flashing across his lips. “Let’s get you cleaned up, princess.” 

 And you let him take the lead. 

 You let him, knowing in the back of your mind that no matter what- he would always have your back. 

 No matter how much time you spent apart and how much shit happened between the interim. 

 He had always been the only person there for you, and we would continue to be for the rest of eternity. 

 Through thick and thin. 

 First, as a best friend. 

 And second, as a partner and the love of your life. 

Fin.

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[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

While I'm on a kick of being really open about my sexuality, lets just start throwing shit out there and seeing how people interact with it

People who have followed me from the beginning will know that most of my partners get some quippy little nickname assigned to them in place of a name for the internet, and I want to name that this actually DOESN'T come from where might think (or rather it's still infosec, but it goes beyond "don't post the actual names of people you fuck online"

In the scene I have most cultural context for, people often came to group play sessions with an alias (I have one too lol, and it's the only name I ever introduce myself to partners as, mine has been static for going on a decade now). You would introduce yourselves to playmates under your alias, and often you would continue to use it as a marker of in-scene vs out-scene topics of conversation (e.g. sometimes people will talk about their aliases in third person as a whole entity with their own motivation, life, and power, my mom used to talk about "her friend [redacted 1]" if she ever needed to be able to reference a thing without naming explicitly that she and [redacted 1] were the same person, and there are friends of hers who still call her exclusively by that name in private because they have loved each other for going on 50 years now and [redacted 1] is still their partner and love even if mom isn't and vice versa).

So for example, on here, I will refer to any metamours by the plural-inclusive term The Metamour with very little discussion of which one or how many there are or whatever. But in person, I call one metamour [redacted 2] and another metamour [redacted 3] because they were introduced to me by their aliases first, and I genuinely DID NOT KNOW THEY'RE ACTUAL NAMES until after we had become real friends lol.

Anyway, Youtube Boy doesn't know that his nickname here is Youtube Boy, and that's not his alias in scene, nor his actual name, but critically these terms allow me to side step early uncertainties around terms like "boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate/etc" which may imply a degree of romantic entanglement I'm genuinely uncomfortable with. On occasion during this round of posting, I have gone "well it's CLEARER tho" and tried to type out "my boyfriend" about one of my current partners (partner does not carry this same issue for me, as I have always carried dual connotations of Romantic Oartner and Play Partner, so I feel no discomfort/cognitive dissonance with it's implications) and every time I do it I physically cringe away from the screen and delete it. Maybe he wouldn't feel the same way, and hell maybe I won't forever either! But I have almost never been willing to use a word like boyfriend without fairly explicit conversations about commitment, meaning to each other, and boundaries that just don't come up all the time in play partnerships for me you know?

Anyway, what I'm saying here is that sometimes the point of being a slut is to get to be every iteration of yourself that you love being independently from each other in a space that adequately facilitates that iteration of you. I like the people I play with to each get absolutely all of me that is available to them, and I **LIKE** that this often means I get to spend time as different important aspects of self, wholly and without self-doubt or minimization.

And hell, sometimes I even name the iteratioms and let them become something bigger than just a "version of me" and that can be fun too.