#but on the off chance they DO talk about future spock and kirk

[bardicious]

The only canon I don't want SNW to be good at is how Jim and Spock die. 🥺 Please, Paramount? Just a little canon rewrite? Please? 😭

[thevalleyisjolly]

Star Trek Beyond ramblings under the cut, because I love this movie so much:

I was just watching Star Trek Beyond again, and it’s really just such a good ensemble movie.  It wasn’t a Kirk-is-the-hero movie or a Kirk-and-Spock movie, it was an Enterprise movie.  Everyone in the crew had roles, not just isolated moments of badassery or humour, but actual places in the narrative that showed off their character and development.  I mean, we see:

Bones being a doctor, what that actually looks like apart from waving a scanner around and jabbing people with needles.  How he interacts with his patient, the brusque bedside manner that nevertheless goes hand-in-hand with his genuine concern, improvising treatments when he doesn’t have the advanced tools he normally does.  Damn it, the man is a doctor, and he’s a good one, and we get to see that!

Sulu and Uhura taking initiative, being leaders!  Uhura putting herself at risk again and again to do what’s best for the crew, Sulu taking a leadership role with the surviving crew members and trying to keep them safe.  TOS Sulu eventually becomes a captain, and you can really see the echoes of those leadership skills emerging here.  And Uhura, separating the saucer to give the escape pods a chance, breaking out of the cell to send a distress signal, asserting what’s right and standing up to Krall.  In many ways, she gets the hero(ine) role that in the past, has been given to Kirk or Spock.

Spock’s more introspective side.  He spends a lot of the movie considering his place in the universe, his responsibilities, the legacy of Ambassador Spock, mortality.  He doesn’t Vulcan-logic up a genius plan in the nick of time to save the day, it’s a softer, more measured Spock we see here, and it’s fantastic.

Scotty being a mentor and a father-figure, reaching out to Jaylah and being a figure of kindness and encouragement and concern.  He saves the day in a different kind of way than whipping up an engineering miracle or three - he saves the day by reaching out to someone who was lonely and being a person who cares.

Chekov alone had less to do in the movie, but we still see him taking on leadership during the attack, making sure everyone on the bridge got in an escape pod safely, being the second last to abandon ship, only after everyone else had already gone.  It’s a far cry from the childish, almost comedic role he’s had so far.

Jim being a captain, not a hero.  When Commodore Paris congratulated him on saving Yorktown and he said that it wasn’t him, that really rang true.  Kirk spends pretty much the entire movie affirming and reaffirming that his crew is capable, that they achieve things together, and it’s something the movie’s structure reinforces as well.  More on that later.

And yes, the ensemble structure means that individual characters don’t get a ton of time focused on their own arcs, but you don’t necessarily need a lot of time in an ensemble movie, you just need to make effective use of what time you do have.  Which I won’t claim every character had amazing character moments, but there was pretty solid and consistent characterization throughout, and the characters who did have time to shine shone brilliantly.

The whole theme of this movie is, as Uhura asserted to Krall/Eddison, “strength in unity.”  It’s very much not an action/super hero type movie, where a single extraordinary individual saves the day.  It’s the crew of the Enterprise, working together to their respective strengths, that succeeds. 

Conversely, Krall/Eddison is strong so long as he still has his crew with them, but once he loses them, he loses his power.  While he still has Kalara and Manas, his plans proceed well - Kalara ensnares the Enterprise, Manas helps him get away to Yorktown.  Without them, he has no support.  The contrast of that final confrontation with Kirk, Kirk with the entire crew of the Enterprise talking to him, giving him instructions, providing back up, and Eddison, standing alone, dying alone and in silence amidst the emptiness of space.

I mean, that scene when the U.S.S. Franklin is facing the swarm, if you watch, it’s literally the entire crew coming up with the solution together.  One person has a realization, another follows that up with a suggestion, another builds on that, so on and so forth.  It’s all of them, talking together, that solve the problem.  No one person has all the pieces to the puzzle or some sudden mastermind plan, it’s everyone contributing what they have.

And I think that leads me into another thing that’s so great about this movie, is that it recognizes the competence and the ability of these characters.  When faced with danger, everyone knows their duties, everyone performs their duties with competence and skill, they’re not just cogs in a machine, but well-oiled cogs.  The movie respects these characters, respects their capabilities and their foibles and their development.

Which goes into this movie and legacy, and honouring what came before while growing into something new.  We see the impacts of previous events on these characters, we see that they mattered.  Someone else has already pointed out how the escape pods are called Kelvin pods - the destruction of the Kelvin in the first movie mattered, not just to Kirk, it mattered to Starfleet and they made damn sure that their crews should always have a chance to live.  The destruction of Vulcan and Spock wondering about his potential duties to his people - of course that’s going to be something that lingers!  The horrors of genocide aren’t just the immediate loss of loved ones, of a planet, it’s something that continues to have an effect on survivors’ lives and futures.

(There are the good legacies too, the bittersweet legacies.  Ambassador Spock’s belongings, that picture of TOS cast, ugh)

((Also, the core of Eddison being that he can’t move forwards from the past, from the legacy he was a part of, that he helped build.  Wanting things to stay the same - and the irony is that in trying to keep the universe at war, he changes himself so drastically from what he was.  And to have his legacy, his crew’s legacy, be changed by his actions.  As Commodore Paris said, “For generations, we taught that they were heroes.”  Now they’re a tragedy))

It’s interesting because both Spock and Kirk have storylines around questioning their place in the universe, of living with legacies and living their lives now.  And we have Kirk and Bones having that conversation at the start, Bones very keenly pointing out that Kirk has been living for his father for so long but not for himself, and then the movie switches gears and works out these feelings with Spock.

(Love how both of them end up having these conversations with Bones, give the man a gold star friend award)

And we don’t really see Kirk working through this, except we do.  Kirk doesn’t talk about it outside of his captain’s log or with Bones, but we have Spock’s conversation.  We see the static-y legacy of the Franklin, we see Eddison’s despair and rage in his captain’s log, we see the crew of the Enterprise rising up to the task, confronting the past and saving the present.  We see Jaylah face the trauma of her memories and find trust and belonging in others, we see old meeting new, loneliness and despair but also love and hope.

We see everything except Kirk’s own internal struggle (save for Chris Pine’s frankly stellar facial acting), but maybe we don’t need to.  Because everything Kirk wrestles with is everything we come to realize through the movie, and as much as we are watching what’s going on, so is he.

(See?  It is a Kirk movie in a way, in that his internal conflict inspires the overall themes in the movie.  But Kirk is also the audience, watching the tragedy of Eddison and the Franklin, seeing the crew, his crew, work together.)

Also, loved the unconventional character groupings.  We have Sulu and Uhura as a team, Kirk and Chekov, Scotty and Jaylah, and the absolute genius of Bones and Spock.  I wish all Star Trek Beyond scriptwriters a very pleasant evening for giving us the absolute gift of Bones and Spock together.  We have been so blessed.

[cywscross]

From @lightveils on Twitter (free to use wherever!). I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. I definitely have enough fics to fill it lol~

-0-

A Fic You Love Without Knowing The Source Material:

I was born for this by esama (Assassin’s Creed | Altair x Desmond | M)

Juno did her best to lead him to her preferred fate, but the end is coming and Desmond has doubts.

A Fic With A Premise That Shouldn’t Work But Does:

Proposing To Strangers by moonstalker24 (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | G)

At the end of a strained relationship, crime novelist Stiles chooses to hide from the world inside a bar with far too many motorcycles outside it for comfort. Here he'll meet the man of his dreams, eat food and propose marriage, all within the first five minutes.

Peter doesn't know who this kid is, but he's cute and looks like he could use a break. So he feeds him. He's not expecting a marriage proposal, but with what comes after, he doesn't really mind.

A Fic You’ve Reread Several Times:

Hooverville by twothumbsandnostakeincanon (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | E)

Town to town, train to train, tent to tent.

By 1932, the dust had begun to blow and the jobs were gone.

Anonymity was a byproduct of looking for work, which made it both necessary and convenient.

Stiles had enough secrets of his own to know to look the other way when he saw something that shouldn’t be possible.

The ghost of a tail giving enough balance to disembark a moving train.

Near silent Latin whispered on the edge of a tent encampment.

A flash of burning eyes.

He had more than enough to worry about without adding the oddities of others, and besides- having unusually sharp teeth certainly didn’t make a man worse than the ones running from the wife and kids they couldn’t feed.

So Stiles kept his observations to himself. He kept his everything to himself.

Until he met a man. One with eyes so blue they seemed to glow- and then they did.

Stiles tried to look away, but for the first time he was stopped.

“Don’t be like that sweetheart. Aren’t you curious?”

A Fic You Still Remember Many Years Later:

All True-Hearted Souls by mardia (Temeraire | Laurence x Granby | G)

“For God's sake, if someone doesn't talk Laurence out of these constant heroics, I wouldn't bet a farthing on his chances; no, and not ours either.” Four times that John Granby helped save William Laurence's life. Laurence/Granby. Spoilers up to Empire of Ivory.

A Comfort Fic:

Nothing Improper by Bunnywest (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | G)

“How long since someone touched you, sweet boy?” Peter asks, his voice barely a breath in Stiles’ ear. “Days? Weeks? Months?” Stiles nods imperceptibly at that last one.

“After…after everything, after Allison,” is all Stiles manages to get out.

A Cathartic Fic:

Swing by ShippersList (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

Stiles wants to fly.

A Fic You’d Print And Put On Your Bookshelf:

Nose to the Wind by Batsutousai (HP | Tom x Harry | M)

While Harry had been content with his second chance, that didn't keep him from thinking what he could have done different, how many people could have survived if he hadn't been set on the very specific path he'd walked. Third time is the charm, though, right?

A Fic You Associate With A Song (x2):

Strange Duet by BelleAmante, thiliart (thilia) (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | M)

The past three years have been a series of shocking, or not so shocking, successes for 2018 Tony award winner and two time Grammy nominee, Stiles Stilinski. You don’t typically find classically trained opera singers singing alternative folk rock to crowds at Coachella. Nor do you find indie singer/songwriters winning best actor awards at the Tony’s for their Broadway debuts. Stilinski has made it his lifetime habit to defy and exceed all expectations.

-or-

A Steter fic loosely based on Phantom of the Opera

~

Full Circle by Nike Femme (FMA | Roy x Ed | T)

Edward Elric returns with amnesia. He has lived the past four years as Auric, a Gatekeeper. But there are some battles that only he can fight. Will his friends be able to awaken Ed, and what happens to Auric if they do?

A Fic That Inspires You:

Off the Line by esama (FFVII | Cloud x Vincent | T)

In which Cloud gets a Virtual Reality Dream Console – ShinRa's latest in virtual reality technology. Aaand everything pretty much goes downhill from there.

A Fic That Brought You On Board A New Ship:

Me and Mine by linndechir (Fast and the Furious | Deckard x Owen | E)

The last time they'd spoken, Deckard had told Owen that he was tired of cleaning up his messes. But the first thing he did after breaking out of prison was to take Owen to the other end of the world so they could lick their wounds and start planning their revenge.

A Fic You Wish Could Be A Movie:

Moving In (To Every Single Aspect of Danny’s Life, Including the Boring Bits like Dry-Cleaning) by westgirl (Hawaii Five-0 | Steve x Danny | T)

It felt wrong for Steve to sound unsure of his place in Danny’s life. His place in Danny’s life was at Danny’s side, driving him slowly insane. Steve should feel secure about that.

A Fic That Led To You Making Friends With The Author:

Begin and End by Rikkamaru (Log Horizon x HP | G)

This is how it begins: a boy rejected by his family, a boy reunited with his brother by his sister-in-law's intervention. A boy who found a family in an online game. But how will it end?

FREE SPACE:

Reverti Ad Praeteritum by Batsutousai (Fullmetal Alchemist | Roy x Edward | M)

Unwillingly forced to serve as a human trial for a crazy alchemist experimenting with time travel, Edward Elric finds himself standing across from Truth in the moment it takes his leg from him. Armed with the knowledge of what's to come and burdened with guilt for the choices he'd made as an adult, Ed sets out to fix every mistake he ever made and save every life they ever lost, no matter what it takes.

A Fic You’ve Gushed About IRL:

Designation: Miracle by umisabaku (Kuroko no Basket | M)

It's been three years since seven human experiments, called "Miracles," escaped Teiko Industries, alerting the world to the presence of super-powered children. Now they're finally integrating into society-- going to normal high schools, playing basketball, falling in love-- and trying to find out if it's possible to truly escape their past.

A Fic You Associate With A Place (have to self-rec for this one):

Safe Harbour by cywscross (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles x Chris | T)

Peter didn't think he'd find a home here. He certainly didn't think he'd find a home with two other men.

Chris and Stiles prove him wrong.

A Fic That Made You Gasp Out Loud (kind of? it was suspenseful):

Sanctuary by DiscontentedWinter (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | E)

The Hale Wolf Sanctuary isn’t just for wolves.

It turns out it’s for Stilinskis as well.

A Fic You Found At The Right Time:

slow increments by Areiton (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles)

Peter is enigmatic, egotistical, sometimes barely sane. He's sharp and cutting and takes more time to care for the pack than anyone.And sometimes, John catches him watching Stiles.

A Fic That You Would Read Fic Of:

if you try to break me, you will bleed by Dialux (Game of Thrones | Jon x Sansa | T)

It had been a slash across her chest from a White Walker’s sword that finally ended her life. Sansa’d landed in a puddle of her own blood, and she’d died quickly, quietly.

And then she’d awoken with a gasp, trembling, in a bed that had burned under Theon’s betrayal.

A Fic That Made You Laugh Out Loud:

The Path towards Unwilling Godhood by Sky_King (Bleach | Kisuke x Ichigo | G)

Ichigo has never had the most normal life, and this latest chapter of it is no different.

"I'm not a god!"

A Fic With A Line (Or Two) That You’ve Memorized By Heart:

Atlas by distractedKat (Star Trek | Spock x Jim | T)

Between what was and what will be stands James Tiberius Kirk, in all his fractured patchwork glory. Because saving the Federation was only the beginning.

A Fic That Gave You Butterflies:

The Rest of Our Lives by mia6363 (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

“I don’t know, as a kid I watched a lot of movies, you know? And at first I figured like… I’d be on some great adventure that would take me away from it all, you know? Like Indiana Jones comes around and is all, ‘Hey Stiles, buddy, come with me we’ve got to go save the world.’ Then… you and… everything happened… then I just… I figured I’d die before I was eighteen.”

A Fic That Embodies Something You Value In Life:

The Boy Sleuth by Shey (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

Stiles is eight when he discovers a box of his mom’s old Nancy Drew Mysteries in the back of the guest bedroom closet.

A Favourite AU:

Love What is Behind You by KouriArashi (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | M)

Basically what it says on the label. Hunger Games type fusion. Stiles doing way better than anyone anticipates. Peter finds him intriguing. Ruthless, devious assholes working together to ruin bad guys, as the Steter ship is meant to be.

A Fic You Stayed Up Too Late To Finish Reading:

Of Dwobbits, Dragons and Dwarves by ISeeFire (The Hobbit | Fem!Bilbo x Fili | T)

Bilba has been a slave her entire life. All she knows of the outside world is what she sees from time to time outside the gates of Moria and the stories her mother used to tell her. Stories of a place called the Shire where her mother once lived and a placed called Erebor where, as far as she knows, her father still lives. Stories of dragons a thousand times larger, and more intelligent, than the beasts the orcs rode and of a strange concept called freedom where one was allowed to live as they wished with no one to tell them what they could, or could not do.

The stories meant little to Bilba. The only future she had was to live, and die, as a slave as countless number had before her.

And then the orcs dragged an injured female firedrake through the gates, her rider screaming obscenities behind her as he fought to reach her side...and everything changed.

A Fic That Made You Feel Seen (another self-rec lol):

i am addicted to death (so remind me what it’s like to live) by cywscross (Teen Wolf | Peter x Stiles | T)

Stiles is sixteen years old. He has already died seventy-eight times.

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 6 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

So... The Naked Time. Probably gonna be another of those episodes where Roddenberry was in full “but on this planet they have a cultural taboo against pants!” mode, but that shouldn’t disqualify it on its own merits. And... wait, is this the legendary “Sorry, neither.” episode?

Let’s find out.

* And we open up on Space Antarctica, where Redshirt #23 gets himself infected with the Thing in record time. This is gonna be fun. ** But for Christ’s sake, guys. If a mannequin was all you could afford for the “woman”, couldn’t you have at least covered the face up with a sheet of snow or something?! * Spock in civvies cuts a surprisingly... fine figure. * Okay, now I’m starting to see why so many reviewers call the Spock-Bones banter in these early eps straight-up racism. * Alright, I know I’ve said this about half the preceding episodes, but this one’s plot looks genuinely foolproof. Kirk and co. need to perform a conflict-free - but still tricky - scientific mission, and an alien pathogen’s just happened to slip onboard. No leaps in the premise, no stupid B-plots to screw up the pacing. Let’s do this. * Peak Trek Aesthetic; using a punchcard to get your lunch out of the replicator. * See, Mr. RedBlueshirt? This is why we always use hand sanitizer after being outdoors. * Gotta say, this is pretty well-written “madness” for a ‘60s pop-adventure show. Just take a guy’s lingering survivor’s guilt and dial it up to eleven. No random obsessions or nursery-rhyme chants or anything. * Guys, it’s a freaking butter knife. That thing couldn’t stab through a- ** Oops. * By the way - some people might consider it laughably cheap, but as something of an amateur germophobe I really like how the pathogen’s mostly depicted as this thing nobody can see but everyone can feel slithering over their hands. * “A valuable study. We may be seeing Earth's distant future.” This line seriously does not get enough attention in Spock retrospectives. * Somehow it never occurred to me that Sulu is the closest the bridge crew has to a jock. * “Bones, I want the impossible checked out too!” “Damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a Scotsman!” ** Seriously, though - I like the general lesson here, that out on the Frontier you can do every procedure and double-check right and still get fucked over, because that’s what it means to explore the Unknown. * Bones why do you have bottles of Lysol just lying around in sickbay * Oh yeah. Shirtless Sulu o’clock. ** And now, The Line. Gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting Nichols to sound quite that... schoolgirlish saying it. * ... do you guys not have security on the bridge or ** Okay, I’ll never say no to a Nerve Pinch, but you’d think there’d be at least one Phaser around... * Ooh, 20 minutes before the gravity whatchamacallit flambes the entire ship. Now that’s pacing. * This guy seems a little too conveniently (and maliciously) competent next to the other infected crewmembers... I doubt they’re going to go with a “Oh, he was faking it the whole time, did everything of his own free will!” twist at the end, so here’s hoping he won’t be the antagonist for the entire rest of the ep. ** OTOH, Scotty gets to be a hands-on MVP for a change, and who doesn’t love that? * Spock, let’s have some more of those Nerve Pinches, chop chop! ** At this point you can count every “Jesus, I’m retiring from this show the first chance I get” line on poor Rand’s face. * Oh for the love of- Were you guys seriously examining Sulu without any protection?! * And now we’re throwing the nurse at Spock. Honestly, every face Nimoy makes here should be its own reaction gif. ** Ohhh, right, this is the Spock-cries episode, too. Really should reread that anecdote sometime. * “I can't change the laws of physics!” That’s quitter talk, Scotty, and you know it. * Jesus, Bones, did you stick him with a needle or a branding iron?! ** Oh, so this is why so many recaps of this episode just talk about everyone being drunk... the pathogen is just water that’s evolved(?) to a different molecular form resembling booze? Sure, fine. ** Insert stock you’d-expect-an-Irishman-to-hold-his-drink-better line here ** (Also, I suppose the crew is lucky that nobody's the go-to-sleep kind of drunk.) * Ahh, our first taste of Spock backstory. Let’s have that good good angst. * Not that I mind a little violence between friends, Kirk, but are you sure you want Spock doing supercomputer-tier calculations while smashed out of his mind? * ... hm. On the one hand, Spock being (temporarily?) shocked back into sobriety on seeing Kirk succumbing is both emotionally touching and narratively efficient. On the other: more proof that when all else fails, all you can do is appeal to a Vulcan’s ego. * Wonder how big the Kirk/Enterprise tag on AO3 is... * Cheap religious symbolism ho! * Took ya long enough to get him an antidote, bud. * Well, that was quick. ** Uhhh, I’ll assume imploding engines are a good thing in this context. * Wait, are you serious? Time travel stuff in the last three minutes of the episode?! * Sooo... our heroes literally get a clean slate from everything that just happened. I guess they still have to live with the memories of it all, but really?

I’m really torn about this one. There’s only the slightest slip of a Lesson here (beyond “don’t take your fucking Hazmat suit off on an alien planet”, I guess), but it’s probably the series’ best-paced episode yet, with tangible stakes and unobtrusive comic relief... right up to those last three minutes, which throws all that beautiful buildup into a woodchipper. Deus ex Machina isn’t even a strong enough word to describe it - probably nothing is.

Ah, well. We’ve got solid proof that the writing team can build a solid start, if nothing else. One day they’ll stick the landing.

Next: In the main study of an exclusive private school in New York’s Westchester County, a strange, silent man sits motionless... what? Wrong Charlie X? C’mon, how different can they be?

[ladyideal]

Our Love 3/3

Pairing: McKirk x Reader

Word Count: 11.5k (it spiraled away, I’m sorry.)

Warnings: Geez, where to begin. Lots of alcohol, lots of cursing, description of injuries, fighting, mild panic attack, major character death, really 95% angst, crying and sobbing. (Probably missed something, let me know if I do.)

Summary:  After three years with Leonard, and one year with Jim, both your boyfriends proposes to you during Jim’s bday. You said yes. With a new away mission, both Jim and Leonard were called down. Even though you had a bad feeling about it, you let them convince you it will be okay. It was not okay. Honestly, go read the story. 

A/N: Welp, here’s the end folks. And I’m quite at a loss of having typing down almost 12k words in this part. It’s long, but it’s worth the read, I promise. This has become my longest story ever, and I’m proud of it. Hope you like it still, @cuddlememerrick. I did tell you it was gonna break your heart. I chose “Close Your Eyes.” as my last prompt. You’ll only get 2k of fluff. That’s it.

Please get a box of tissues ready. I promise you’ll need them. 

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3

Jim confessed.

No, he wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t upset. In fact, he wasn’t feeling any of them. He loved you. He wanted you. He loved Len, and Len did too. After a talk with Leonard late one night, you and him agreed. Logically, two became three. 

Starfleet had mentioned no relationships with the direct superior, something that Spock continued to point out every time he gets the chance. Jim snorted, and waved it away. To hell with that rule, he said. There was no way that Starfleet could really enforce that rule without making several people upset.

Plus Jim was unorthodox that way. As a Captain, he wasn’t very strict with the rules, a more laid back attitude to them. Sure, it gave you problems and headaches when annual ship inspection came around. But it was worth it. 

It was worth having Jim as your Captain and now boyfriend. 

Since then, your relationships with your two boys have only gone up, and much better. It was double the fun, and double the love. It wasn’t easy to spend time together, especially as Captain and First Officer, your shifts were staggered in order to accommodate between the three shifts. All three accommodated the circumstances by working on the ship. 

You cherished the time together when you can. Whether it was going down to Engineering and almost always having a displeased Doctor yelling at you for being so careless or spending time at the holodeck or drinking at the officer’s lounge and passing out, it was good times. 

Especially since the horrible fight with Leonard, you and him had reconcile and found a better way to help convey your side of the opinion and then his. It took time to get back to where the relationship was previously, but with Jim on board, everything was seamless.

It was almost as if you were living a fairy tale dream. Your two princes and you all dressed up in a wonderful life. Leonard snorted at the idea when you mentioned it to him, but in his eyes, you knew he was pleased. Jim was the opposite, laughing and grinning at the idea. You even wondered if it was even a good idea to tell him that. By his shit eating grin to go off of, you knew that he was cooking up an idea in his head. 

You weren’t disappointed. 

Since Jim’s birthday was in a week, Jim had finally announced that he wanted his birthday party to be a fairy tale themed. Immediately, you and the doctor both rolled your eyes at his antics. The blonde pouted.

“Come on, Y’N,” He tried to convince you. “I know Bones wasn’t going to like it. But you? Please.”

Throughout the day, he’d begged you in all sorts of different ways. A message there, a message written on the foggy mirror, a sticky note on your computer, a frowny face on your PADD, and so much more. He’d even somehow got Leonard to jump on board, and help with his pleading. 

“Enough Jim,” You finally broke down, shaking your head at him as you sat across from him over dinner. “Alright, alright. I’ll do it. I’ll put something together for you, but only because you’re insufferable.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

You did it anyways. Swinging down to the education side of the ship, you spoke to the teachers there to organize an event with the kids. Draw some pictures of the Captain and even draw some pretty castles in the background, and make it a contest. It would be a nice background and decorations around the rec room when Jim was able to get off duty and judge who was best. 

Cake. You frowned in the kitchen of your quarters, looking down at the recipes that your PADD was able to come up with. Being on the ship was hard enough, much less had enough of the ingredients you needed. You sighed.

Replicator it was. 

While you were busy mixing the sprinkles within the batter, a pair of strong arms and the scent of bourbon enveloped you from behind. Ignoring your surprised squacks, Leonard gently planted a kiss on your cheek.

“Leonard McCoy!” You grumbled, swatting his arms away. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Good thing I’m a doctor,” The bastard smirked. “Baking Jim’s cake?”

“If you keep hugging me like that, I will never be able to get it finished on time,” You groaned, lightly pushing away from him. “Now come on doctor, get an apron on. Still need to get started on the cupcakes.”

You threw a nearby apron to his face, grinning back at him. Reproachfully, he pouted at you, but pulled the offered apron off his face, and rolled his sleeves up. 

“Where can I help, sweetheart?”

Rows of children’s drawings of Jim hung across the walls of the room, and a large “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPTAIN KIRK” decoration slung above them all. The large cake and a dozen or so frosted cupcakes sat in the center, and a modest pile of unopened presents sat tucked away in the far corner of the entrance. Officers milled about, all with a drink in their hands. Uhura was dancing with Spock, Scotty was already drunk and waving his arms around as he spoke to an equally drunk but interested Chekov, and Sulu was dealing out poker at another table.

“Thank you so much, Y/N,” Jim hurried over when you and Leonard finally entered. 

“Hey, what about me?” Leonard grumped as you were lifted into the air.

“Let me down, Jim,” You laughed, kicking slightly in the air. “Let me down!”

“You too, Bones,” The Captain smirked over at the doctor, but reluctantly set you back down on your feet. 

“Happy birthday, Jim,” You and the doctor chorused, kissing the blonde and grinning as Leonard kissed his cheek too.

“How did you get the kids to draw all these?” Jim pointed at the pictures and models of him. 

You smirked. “All I had to do was say it was your birthday, and whoever draws the best picture or the best model wins a prize. Judged by you,” You spoke, watching as Leonard left the conversation to grab some bourbon from the bar. “You do have to give out three honorable mentions though.”

Jim laughed, and brought you tightly to him again. “Thank you so much, Y/N. You really outdid yourself this time.”

You beamed at him. “Anything for you, Jimmy boy.”

Jim eyed Leonard for a moment, and in that silent exchange, both men nodded.

“Alright, everyone,” The Captain spoke up louder this time, gaining the attention of those that attended his party. “Thank you for coming to my party. It was spectacular, much more than I ever expected on a ship, and away from home. You can thank Commander Y/N for planning and setting everything up.” He paused, briefly smirking at you again. 

“But I have a surprise of my own.”

You frowned slightly, confused at the turn of events. It was supposed to be you having the surprises, like the lingerie bag hidden underneath the bed, not the birthday boy himself. 

Leonard slid closer to you. “Close your eyes, sweetheart.”

With no other choice, you obeyed. Closing your eyes, you listened to the shuffles in front of you. What the hell was going on.

“Now open them.”

Your eyes widened at the sight of the box held by Jim and Leonard in front of you, and both your boyfriends on one knee. Feeling your heart leap inside your chest, your jaw dropped in surprise. Several officers around you gasped loudly. A surprise squeak bubbled out of your mouth, as you understood what was going on. Rather carefully, Jim pried your left hand away from your mouth.

“Y/N, when I first met you on the ship three years ago, I couldn’t believe there could be anything that shone brighter than the stars. I thought that this could be it, that you were the one that I was looking for. I have this ship, I have this crew, and most importantly I have you. I was scared at first. My reputation hasn't been the greatest, and thought that alone would scare you away from me,” Jim smiled tentatively up at you. "Being on this ship is scary enough all alone with no one beside. I know I make more mistakes than I have made right ones. But I promise to do my best to do it right for you, for Bones, for us.” 

You could only blink in response, wiping away tears with your free hand. 

“Sweetheart, when I first met you three years go at your cafe, you rudely barged into my life with no care at all,” Leonard picked up, pausing when you giggled. “You set my coffee down, made me eat those overly sweet cookies, and talked with me even though I was a total stranger. You didn’t know me, and I only knew your cafe because all my nurses were begging me to go and try your coffee out. You made me realize that there was still hope in the future, and that you were it. I know I can be temperamental at times, but you love me just the way I am. Joanna loves you, same with ma, and everyone else in our family and Jim’s. We want to spend the rest of our lives with you.”

“Will you do us the honor of marrying us?” The two spoke in complete unison. 

Tears streaked down your cheeks as you nodded. 

“Yes,” You spoke, clearing your throat. “Yes!”

With breathtaking smiles, you watched as Leonard pulled the snug diamond ring out of its confines and slowly pushed it up your finger.

You stared in amazement at the row of dazzling diamonds on your hand for a minute, before lifting your head up at the sounds of people cheering all around. Leonard and Jim beamed as congratulations were offered, and the party continued long into the night. 

"I can't believe you Jimbo, for pulling that off," You grumbled, but the smile on your face robbed you from being serious. "You too Len."

"Can't a guy have his tricks up his sleeve?" The blonde spoke, changing out of his regulation shirt into his pajamas.

"Besides Y/N," Leonard added on, digging through his drawer for some sweatpants. "You're not sneaky enough. We've known for quite some time about what's hidden under the bed."

You gasped out loud from under the covers, and groaned in frustration. "Come on! It was supposed to be a surprise." You pouted at your now fiancees.

"You don't hear us complaining, do you?" Jim wickedly smirked. Your eyes widened at his words, then swung over to an equally smug Leonard. 

It was going to be a long night for you. 

It was a day later when the Enterprise received a distress call from one of the Federation colonies. Jim being Jim insisted that he was going to go beam down, and somehow managed to convince Leonard to join him. 

“J, are you sure about going down? I can go in your place,” You punched a couple buttons on your PADD, entering his ready room without knocking. Frowning at the lack of response from your captain, you looked up in time to see Jim gently nipping at Leonard’s lower lip. You shook your head. 

“Close your eyes, Bones,” The blonde purred.

Of course. 

“Ahem,” You loudly cleared your throat. Immediately the doctor and captain bounced apart, faces red after the amount of making out they were having. 

“Good god sugar, there’s somethin’ called knockin’,” Leonard scowled, smoothing out his tunic. “You should try it sometime.”

Jim waggled his eyebrows at you. “How long have you been standing there watching us, hmm? Bet you want to join us.”

You rolled your eyes at the blonde. “While you went and had your fun,” you paused, glaring daggers at Leonard as though the make out session was all his fault.. “I really need to get this away mission sorted out.”

Jim shrugged, righting his shirt. “Just me, Bones, and some security is needed. They’ve got some injured, and need some supplies to be beamed down to the colony.”

 You frowned. There was a bad feeling about this mission, almost making you nauseous as your stomach rolled. “Jim, something feels wrong about all this. They want you and Leonard specifically. No other missions have been like this. You, yes, but not Len.”

Clapping you on the shoulder, you watched as the captain sat back down in his chair. “It’ll be alright, Y/N. It’s just a routine mission.”

“Now hold up Jim, you didn’t say that they-,” Leonard interjected.

You bit down at your lower lip, unsure. “You’re the captain here, I can go down instead. If something happens, it’s not only you anymore. The ship can’t lose its captain. It’s a gut feeling, J. Something’s wrong down there.”

“You said it yourself, doll,” Jim leaned against his seat. “It’s dangerous out there for you. Let me and Bones take care of it.”

You huffed in frustration, turning to Leonard once more. “And what about you? You’re hardly one that likes to go down for missions like this.” 

“M’Benga has gone down the last five missions that needed a doctor,” The doctor scowled at Jim. “And someone has to keep an eye on the infant. Heaven forbid that I look away from him for a second, and the next minute he’s sporting an injury.”

You threw your hands up into the air, done with the pair. “This isn’t over,” You grumbled, pivoting on your heels and storming out.

Needless to say, the next two days you needled and prodded at the two whenever you got a chance whether it was face to face or by via messages. You couldn’t believe your fiancees. If both went down, and god forbid something does happen, you would be losing one, or even both. Jim was always a risk taker, but what surprised you was the doctor.

Leonard was one to never go down on a mission, if he could help it. In fact, he would be turning to the other doctors and nurses to fill in the spot so he wouldn't have to go. Now, him volunteering himself to go down, was absolutely mind boggling. You didn’t know what else to do, but to badger them as much as possible. 

“Get some sleep, doll,” Jim spoke firmly to you in front of your shared quarters, and gazed into your eyes. “Someone out of us three have to be the alert one, and watch it all up from the ship where you won’t be in harm's way.”

“J, please. You have to listen to me, Something’s not right,” You pleaded quietly. “I can’t lose you or Len if something were to happen.”

“And nothing is going to happen, Y/N,” Jim gently brought you into a tight hug. You laid your cheek on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “I’ve got Bones beside me, and I’ve got you watching from above. It’ll go fine, I swear.”

You chuckled weakly. “You can’t make that promise, Jim,” You croaked, tears welling up in your eyes. You couldn’t lose him or Leonard or both. It would devastate you. “Not when every time you go down for a mission, something always goes wrong and you always land yourself in Medbay.”

“Tell me, baby doll, what are you wearing on your hand?” 

“A-a-a r-ring?” You stuttered out in confusion, flickering your eyes up at his face.

“A promise, Y/N,” He gently corrected you, rubbing comforting circles on your back. “My promise to you, and Bones’s promise too. No matter what happens. We will be back.”

You whimpered silently into his shirt, and closed your eyes briefly. Other officers walking along the same corridor skirted around you as much as possible, but some had lingering curiosity. You could care less at the moment. All you wanted, desperately hoped for, was for both your fiancees to return safe and sound. 

“Get some sleep.”

“You too, Jim.”

Leonard was already fast asleep on the bed when you entered. The lights were at 10% brightness, something he must have thought ahead for you. As softly as you could, you stripped off your uniform, threw it into the clothes hamper, and slowly squeaked out the middle drawer for your pajamas. 

After brushing your teeth in record time, you sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing your unshed tears away. The mattress squeaked when you sat down, but silenced as you crawled under the covers. As though the doctor could sense your body heat, his arms shot out, and gently pulled you in to him. 

“Wha took you so long?” He mumbled quietly, still sleep addled. An eye peeked down as you yawned, pressing yourself closer into your teddy bear of a doctor. 

“Jim,” was all you managed out, closing your eyes.

“It’ll be okay, baby girl,” Leonard replied. “We’ve got you.” 

Despite your fears for the coming day, you shoved your worries away for the meantime and let yourself drift away. It wasn’t long before the other side of the mattress dipped down and squealed, another pair of arms wrapped comfortably around your middle. You’d tensed up briefly, but relaxed again as Jim kissed your cheek, careful to not wake you. 

“I’m here, doll,” Jim settled himself right alongside your body. 

“Always.”

With that, you were lulled back into a dreamless sleep. 

Beep.

Beep.

As your alarm blared loudly from one of the nightstands, you were stuck between two furnaces of bodies, and limbs thrown carelessly at every angle. It didn’t take long before the men on both your sides groaned and whined unhappily.

“Someone shut the thing up,” Leonard grumbled unhappily from your right. You groaned this time, sliding deeper under the covers in an attempt to catch a few more zzs.

“J, please,” You mumbled, poking the captain insistently for a few minutes. 

He was awake in an instant, rubbing his eyes open. “Who set the alarm so early?”

“You told me to last night,” You replied from within the covers.

“Oh, shut up the thing first.”

Naturally, Jim stuck a foot out and tipped the blaring alarm over the edge and onto the floor with a light crash, finally ending the noise for good. 

“I’ll have Scotty fix it later.”

Leonard groaned again with a quiet finally. The three of you continued laying in bed for another moment before you reluctantly untangled yourself from both Jim’s and Leonard’s arms, and sat up. 

“Come on, you two. Can’t have the Captain and the CMO late.”

It took some prodding, and some veiled insults to finally get both your teddy bears up and out of bed. Even then, both seemed rather grumpy as everyone started their morning routine. 

As the two men hogged the bathroom, you hummed to yourself as you poured in some real coffee grounds, and then hot water into the coffee maker. After a moment, you steeped it, and poured a generous helping of coffee into three mugs. Knowing Leonard wanted his coffee black and bitter, you set his aside and concentrated on Jim’s next. With a little bit of sugar, into yours and Jim's, you stirred both mugs, and ending it with a splash of milk into yours. 

You adjusted your gold shirt in front of the mirror, rubbing your eyes every once in awhile. “Coffee’s ready,” You called out when the door to the bathroom opened. 

“That the real thing?” Leonard called from the bedroom, hunting down a new shirt to wear.

“Yup.”

“And you’ve been hiding it away from all of us?” Jim asked in feigned disappointment from the couch, trying to lace up his boots. “I could have had this kind of coffee a long time ago, and the actual caffeine would really kick in.”

“Only break it out on the harder days.”

“That’s not fair,” He whined. “You brought this from your cafe, didn’t you?”

“Dammit Jim,” Leonard emerged from the bedroom with some lingering bed hair left, saving you from explaining. “It’s too early in the morning for your yapping right now.”

You laughed. Leonard grunted beside you, and picked up his steaming mug on the kitchen counter. His arm snaked around your waist, and you smiled in the reflection. Before long, Jim stood on your other side with his mug in one hand, and the other on your shoulder.

“Okay you two ridiculous asses, it’s almost 8 and we’re still in the room,” You grouched after a moment of content silence.

“Look who’s talking first,” Jim grinned. “And I know you enjoy watching our asses in the regulation pants. Don’t deny it, doll.”

“Shut up, Jim.”

You chuckled, and grabbed your mug on the way out the door as you followed them.

Two hours went by as you and Jim sat on the Bridge catching up with the Gamma crew and then looking over at missed messages. You frowned down at your PADD, head bent down as you took another sip of your coffee.

“It’s some good grounds you got there,” Jim leaned over your shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of what you were working on. “Should pop it out more often. Coming for breakfast?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

You set your tray down beside Leonard’s and Jim’s across from yours. You’d finally give in after the prospect of replicating some chocolate chip pancakes and bacon was too tempting to ignore. The doctor eyed your breakfast with a scowl. 

“Isn’t that a mountain of unhealthy sugar and fat you’ve got there, Commander?” He pursed your lips at your choice of breakfast. 

You rolled your eyes at him, ignoring the snorts from Jim. “Want some, Doctor? It’s not bad at all. The replicator got it mostly right this time” You offered. 

“No thank you,” He wrinkled his nose, and went back to scooping his yogurt. 

“Your loss,” You shrugged, but said nothing when you let him steal a piece of bacon off your plate too. 

To most of the crew, it was a normal day. To you though, your worry gnawed at your thoughts. Halfheartedly, you worked your way into cleaning the plate in front of you. A lot of things could go wrong, and you weren’t sure what you would if this particular away mission went badly sideways. As though he could sense your thoughts, Jim grabbed one of your hands into his. 

“It’ll be okay, Y/N,” He assured you. “I’ve got Bones with me. He’ll keep me safe from the bad guys.”

You shook your head. “I can’t help it, J. Until you both are safely beamed back up, I won’t know what’s going on there. I’m letting my two favorite people down onto the planet with nothing else but phasers and others to keep you safe.”

“We’ll keep you posted at all times.”

You didn’t look convinced by his words. 

“Hey, hey sweetheart, breath for me. You’re turning pale,” The doctor watched you, setting his fork down with a clatter. “I’m still here, Jim’s still here. We’re not going anywhere. But I need you to take some deep breaths for me first.”

It took a moment for you to reign in your terror, and drawn in a deep breath. 

“There you go, you keep breathing like that,” Leonard encouraged you, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. You took another shuddering breath in, and smiled weakly up at him in gratitude. 

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, sweetheart. Jim and I will always be here for you,” He paused, scowling over at the Captain. You let out a breathy laugh, and returned to your breakfast.

“Once this is all over, we will be in each other arms laughing upon it tonight,” Jim smiled at you. 

“Just be safe, okay?” You looked seriously between the two men. 

“We promise,” Both your fiancees replied in unison, and you couldn’t help but tentatively smiled back. 

When you were full, and almost sleepy again, Jim turned away from the conversation with the other senior officers, and towards you and Leonard. “We should get going to the briefing, Bones, and you need to be back on the Bridge soon, Y/N.”

Half an hour went by before the Captain and the doctor reappeared by your side on the Bridge. Nothing much had changed, save for the medkit swung across Leonard’s shoulder. 

“How’d it go?” 

“We’re ready to head down to the transporter room, and have a rumble with them,” Jim answered first. You raised an eyebrow at his words, a habit you’ve caught on from no other than the doctor beside. 

“Okay okay, we’re ready to help them out, and get our asses back here with you,” Jim hastily revised his statement when he saw both the scowl on Leonard's face and your raised eyebrow. 

“I’ll go down with you,” You stood up, indicating for Spock to take the conn. “Let’s go before Len frowns the entire universe upside down.”

You made small talk with the two on the way towards the transporter room. It was mostly gossip, but it was something to fill the silence. When you reached the transporter room, you realized that the other members of the away team had already arrived and received their phasers from security. 

“Well, I guess this is it,” You turned back to Leonard and Jim, gazing up at their faces. 

“We’ll be okay, I promise,” Jim hugged you again, kissing you full on the lips. He lingered there for a moment before breaking away from the hug. “I’ll see you real soon, doll.. Take care of the ship for me. Let me worry about the mission, okay? I love you.”

You nodded. As Jim stepped away to call out the rest of the security going alongside him, Leonard approached you, face full of concern. He knew what you were going through, and understood the worry that spiraled you into a mild panic attack. 

“Hey, I know you’re anxious about this mission, Y/N,” The doctor delicately cupped your face with his palms, gazing down at you affectionately. “But I’ll be there to watch Jim’s ass and he’ll watch mine. We’ll be fast, I promise. Get ‘em fixed, get ‘em their supplies, and we’ll be back on the ship in no time.”

“You promise?”

“Cross my heart,” He kissed you, and you eagerly responded back. Staying in his embrace for as long as you could, you closed your eyes and leaned your cheek on his chest.

“I love you,” You muttered, just loud enough for him to hear your words. 

“I love you too,” Leonard murmured softly. 

You and him stayed in the embrace for the rest of the time it took the Captain to straighten out his team and up onto the pads. It wasn’t long before you heard the shuffling and rearranging of people when you heard the cough.

“Bones, we need to leave,” Jim regrettably called out. 

“Love you,” Leonard kissed you on the lips one more, this time in full view of everyone else. You kissed him back. Too soon before the doctor broke the kiss and stepped towards the pads. You smiled sadly at them all. 

“Energize.”

In a blink of an eye, they were gone. 

The Bridge was silent as you paced repeatedly from left to right, spin around, and back where you came from. It was nerve wracking being on the ship, and having your two fiancees down there on the ground. 

“Kirk to Enterprise. Do you hear me?”

“Captain, we read you loud and clear,” You replied immediately, stilling for once. 

“We are at the edges of the colony, but so far there seems to be no life.”

You frowned, resuming your pacing once more. “There’s no one?”

“No one in sight,” Jim confirmed. You heard the trace of worriness in his voice. “The sun’s up already in the afternoon, should be seeing movements and daily life by now.”

“Check a little further in, and see what’s going on.” Your pacing increased as did your worry. 

“Will do, Kirk out.”

You waited.

And waited.

And waited some more

“Bones, is it just me or something doesn’t exactly feel right?” Jim spoke, leading the front as he surveyed the quiet settlement in front of him. The wind screeched around the buildings, and echoed as the trees swayed, and rubbed branches against one another. The back of his hair stood up, and goosebumps traveled up his arm.. 

Nothing felt right.

“It’s too calm if that’s what you’re tryin’ to say,” Leonard too was on high alert, instinct screaming at him that he shouldn’t move closer into the eerie calm colony.  He sniffed the air, and stilled. The scent of copper was in the air, faint, but very noticeable. “Jim, there’s blood in the air.”

Jim looked over at Bones, and looked back towards the front. He squared his shoulders, as though he had made the decision.

“Phasers up everyone,” He instructed, pulling his out too. “We’re going to have company really soon.”

By this time, several hours had passed by and no other news was given. 

“Any luck you’ve got there, Lieutenant Uhura?” You shot at her, finally sitting down in the Captain’s chair after nearly exhausting the floor that you were pacing on earlier. 

“I’ve got their signals, but they aren’t picking up,” Your best friend spoke from behind, and you sighed, nervously running a hand through your hair.

Spock watched you as you turned into a nervous wreck, silently striding over to you. “Perhaps it is best we send the other team down, Commander.”

“I’m going down, and leading the back up,” You jumped to your feet. 

“Commander, may I remind you again that you are the First Officer aboard this ship. Regulations state that the Captain and First Officer can not both be present on an away team,” Spock spoke. 

You scowled, bristling at his words. To hell with the regulations. What with the dread curling tightly in your stomach and the lack of communication, you were beyond worried. 

“Starfleet can reprimand me all they want, but I would rather be safe than sorry right now. You’ve got the conn, Spock. I have to do this. Nyota, could you send a message down to Security to have the back up team ready in the transporter room in five?”

Once she’d given the affirmative, you swept out of the Bridge and into a turbolift without a backwards glance. Impatiently, you tapped your foot and crossed your arms across your chest. You should have never let them down. If only you were a bit more convincing, made both Leonard and Jim realize that they should send other people down and not themselves, you wouldn’t be in this current situation. When the lift doors opened, you hurried out towards the transporter room. 

“Scotty,” You turned to the Scot in front of the controls. 

“Commander,” The Chief Engineer glanced up, pausing his fingers on the network of buttons and levers and all sorts of gadgets there. 

“Could you comm Medical for me, and have them on standby?” You accepted your phaser with a nod of thanks at the Ensign. “Two teams should be enough. Send them down when I give them the okay.”

“Aye,” The Scot nodded, reaching for his comm on the side to do so as you ordered. 

Stepping up to the transporter pad, you counted the number of security heads going with you. Ten, you counted, making eleven with you. Should be enough, you reckoned. 

“Everyone ready?” You called out, stuffing your phaser away. 

“Ready, Commander.”

You took a deep breath, and loosened up your tense shoulders. Whatever happened down there for no one to radio back in could only spell one word: Death.

You would do whatever it took to save your boys, and your crew. And if that meant you were going to go in guns a blazing, then so be it. 

“Energize.”

When you and the team materialized on the planet, you swung your head back and forth in confusion. There were supposed to be fire starting, dinner cooking, sounds of little kids running around and chasing each other, sounds of the elderly complaining at the kids, and the rest of the adults out and about on their daily errands. It wasn’t easy as a newly found Federation colony, but the colonists worked it out after some adjustments.

“It’s quiet,” One of the lieutenants spoke from behind you after a moment. 

“Let’s see what’s going on. Phasers out,”  You ordered, taking yours out too. Slowly, your team descended down the small hill, and warily approached the settlement. Your eyes roamed around as far as they could, taking in the structures as you passed them. The wind blew unsteadily, and there were times you swore that there was an alien like screeching behind you. 

“Commander, look!”

You whipped around, halting the team at the exclamation. You furrowed your brows at the speaker, then looked down on the sandy ground where a comm was found smashed into broken broken pieces. Looking back up, you grimaced at the implication of what it meant. 

“They were being followed,” You indicated a couple set of distinct footprints on the sand, much different than the Starfleet issued boots that officers wore. Frowning down at it, you squatted down along with several others to better examine it. Carefully, you traced the prints with a finger.

“Romulans,” You spoke just loud enough for the team to hear. “Several of them too.”

The team glanced at one another, and you sighed, rubbing your temples. Straightening up, you tilted your head up high at the structure roofs. “Stick together everyone, and listen very closely. We’re going to have to have a fight on our hands.”

The next thirty minutes, you spent focusing on your task while doing your best to not let your mind wander away too much on the possibilities of where the previous team ended up. Dread curled tighter within your stomach to the point that you physically nauseous at the thought of your two boys injured, or even dead at the hands of your enemies. 

It was easy to give up the control, and spiral yourself into an endless variety of worry and what ifs. You took a couple deep breaths, in and out; a technique that Leonard taught you to steady yourself. Honestly, you were glad that you listened to him when he said so-.

“Commander, did you hear that?” Someone spoke behind you, and you frowned. Opening your mouth to reply, you caught the sound yourself. It was shrill, but muffled as though something was covering the sound up. It went silent for a moment, and at first you thought it was just part of your imagination. Then, it happened again, but now less discordant. 

Nodding your head towards the direction, the team headed left to investigate the sound. What you were greeted with was a nightmare beyond imagination.

Blood was splattered on the building and on the ground in front of you. Three security officers laid face down on the ground, and a landscape stained with a river of blood flowing in between the buildings on either side. Broken bodies shot dead with phaser wounds and other injuries could be seen laying in a row, executioner style. Men, and even women and children were all dead on the ground in massive pools of blood. It seemed like no one was left. Just beyond the corner though, you noticed a singed piece of blue fabric fluttering in the wind

“Double up, half of y’all scan the perimeter, 100 yards and report back here,” You barked, gulping as you approached the blue fabric. Please, please, please no, you begged, desperately wishing on any deity above that Leonard was alright. Rounding the corner with your phaser out, your eyes widened. 

Leonard was tilted against the wall of the building, as though he was shielding something away from harm. There were bruises and scrapes on the visible parts of his body, but it didn't seem like he was seriously injured.

“Len? Love?” You called out, crouching down beside his head. With a shaky hand, you placed your index and middle finger together, in an attempt to find his carotid pulse. Initially, you’d panicked when you couldn’t find it, but stilled gratefully when his steady heartbeat pulsed against your fingers. Weak, but it was there.

“Dammit, Len, you scared me. What the hell am I supposed to do without you and Jim?” You muttered, beyond relieved that at least one was alive. Before you could fish out your comm, a quiet gurgle could be heard in the crook of Leonard’s arm. Curiously, you gently moved Leonard onto his back, only to find a tiny bundle held tightly against his chest.

You gasped, ignoring the sounds of your badge going off, confirming the perimeter was secured and that the three other security officers were still alive. Softly, you lifted the infant up and into your arms, gently rocking the little boy. You ducked your head once more, and brushed your lips against Leonard’s.

“Come back to me, you hear?” You whispered, nuzzling his cheek with yours. “I’ll see you back on the ship, love.” 

 Cooing gently, you bundled the baby tightly in your arms, and returned back to the spot where your team huddled together. 

“Is that a-?”

“Yes, it’s a baby,” you interrupted the ensign. “Do me a favor, and get my comm out. Need to get a hold of the ship.”

Hastily, he did so.

“Commander Y/L/N to the Enterprise.”

“Spock, here. What’s the status?” The half vulcan answered. 

“Not looking good here, Mister Spock. We found half of the team unconscious and all the colony inhabitants dead,” You explained, shifting the baby again. “There is only one survivor at the moment; an infant boy. Have one medical team be beamed down at our exact location. Tell them to not go any farther into the city.”

“Any word yet on the Captain?”

You cringed. “None for now. We’ll keep locating for them. Judging by what we’ve seen, they were followed by Romulans. Doctor McCoy has been found, but not the others.” 

There was a pause. “Understood, keep us in touch, Commander. Spock out.”

You sighed, and cooed silently at the baby. One thing led to another, and now this was no longer a back up team. This was rescue, a complete 180 of what you were expecting to do.

“Ensign here, hold the kid,” You gingerly transferred the baby into the arms of a nearby Ensign. “Wait here for the medical team. They should be arriving any moment now. Get back up to the ship when they’re done. Everyone else, we’re going to find the rest of the team. Any questions?”

The team shook their head no, and with another concerned glance where Leonard laid, you took the front and led the team deeper into the colony. The warm wind howled as it twisted and turned between the buildings, and shadows lengthened as the sun slowly dipped down below the horizon.

Damn, you swore. It was bad enough that some of the team was missing, but it made the mission even more precarious as darkness enveloped the planet. You were running out of time. If you couldn’t find them with the last of the sun’s rays, it would take the team even longer to find the rest.

With the odds stacked against you, you continued as best you could, eyes and ears opened for any disturbance. Out of nowhere, beams of orange and red could be seen and shouts were heard in the distance. 

With your heart dropping to your stomach, you indicated for the rest to run. The sounds of screams were good in a way, at least someone was still alive. The silence for the last couple hours was almost deafening, and there seemed to be nothing but death lingering in the air.  Hopefully, you could get them out of the sticky situation, grab the Romulans, and return without any trouble. But of course, the universe had other plans in store for you.

“Shit,” You cursed, docking behind a corner as the Romulans waged an all out phaser battle. You made sure the team doubled up, and the odd number left, stayed with you. Breathing heavily, you peered around the structure, observing the Romulans from up above some of the rooftops. You scowled, turning back to your partner. 

Already, you spotted some of the previous team members huddled together alongside the walls of another building across from where you were. When they finally met their gaze, they lifted their arms and gave a weak thumbs down. One indicated a body not far away from them, and drew a line across their neck with a finger.

You cursed again. One casualty already. Many more if you didn’t end this quickly.

“We have to take them out, or we’re gonna end up being sitting ducks,” You grumbled, breathing hard. Already you had accumulated some minor injuries, and the layers of sand and dust being kicked up by the fight irritated your throat making it hard to breathe at times, but you pushed on. 

Scurrying into the building you were laying against earlier, you hurried up the stairs and onto the second level. Dropping onto the floor to avoid being detected, you and the lieutenant wiggled your way towards the balcony. Placing your phaser through one of the decorative holes and aiming, you squinted. 

“Tell me, Lieutenant,” You spoke. “How long is the pause between each blow of the wind?”

The lieutenant hemmed and hawed for a minute. “About three minutes, Commander.”

“Count for me. When the wind kicks up, let me know. The sand will obscure our position, and I can take down more of them this way with less visibility.”

You took the silence from the Lieutenant as a sign of assent. Licking your dry, chapped lips, you patiently waited, all the while everything screamed at you to keep moving. You let out a breathy sigh, the only indication out of your features that chaos rolled within your mind. 

“Now.”

As the steady wind picked once more, you aimed your phaser again at the Romulan across from you that were giving the rest of the team a hard time. With your finger on the trigger, you pressed it. Screams of pain could be heard from the other side, but you swung your phaser to another, taking the three out in succession before anyone could comprehend what was going on. 

Wanting to help out, the lieutenant put up shop the same way you did, and started sniping at the romulans from those wanting to stage a surprise attack. A few phaser bolts came in your direction, forcing you to duck back down. You grunted in pain as some of them made contact with the wall you were hiding behind, wincing when a larger piece of rubble came down and smashed your other hand. 

“Commander?”

“No no, keep going,” You hissed out. “Can’t afford to stop now. They’re still pinned down.”

As the screams of pain got weaker and there was less resistance from the other Romulans, you closed your eyes briefly. You’d definitely broken one of your wrist, and you were 99% sure that a phaser bolt grazed your right leg earlier, and blood was trailing down your pants.

“Ground team got the rest, Commander,” The lieutenant spoke as the rest of the team threw a thumbs up at the balcony where you laid against.  

“Splendid, let’s haul our asses down and see the damage,” You weakly pushed yourself back up into a standing position. With the help of the lieutenant, you hobbled your way towards the street where the rest of the your team stood. 

You looked around their faces, studying them all. Scratches there, bruises, broken bones, but miraculously everyone but one was still alive. You could thank the stars for that. You already had two casualties on the list, and it was already one too many.

“Anyone seen the Captain?” You weakly coughed out. Your heart sank deeper as everyone shook their heads, and you shook your head. “Lieutenant, comm the ship. Have the second medical team be beamed down here. I’m going to go search for Jim.”

 Without waiting for an answer, you turned back towards the building once more, hoping you could get a better vantage point from up top. Squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to get a hold of yourself from the growing pain, you opened them up to look up at the starry night. 

Where are you, Jim?

A sparkle of gold from the edges of your eyes caught your attention. At the low lighting, you squinted in the direction. Visibility was low, and growing worse as the night went on. It wasn’t going to be long before a sandstorm kicked up, but you couldn’t leave Jim on his own. You couldn’t. When the moon appeared again from the clouds, you gasped out loud as you saw the moonlight bounce against his gold shirt on top of a building some distance away.  

Cursing, you hurried as fast as your legs could carry you. The medical team had already beamed down, and was tending to the more critical members. Some watched as you streaked past them, and those less injured attempted to follow you. 

~

One minute Jim was fighting close quarters with a Romulan and then the next minute, the second floor exploded, sending him several yards away. Orange red bolts of phasers repeatedly fired at both him and the rest of his ragged team. He assumed that the other half he sent away never made it back. Yet, everything sounded fuzzy to him, voices were going in and out like a broken record player. It was silent for one minute, and then loud screaming the next. They were all foreign and distant.

The blood gushing from his head and chest would attest to that. However, no matter how bad it looked, he didn’t feel pain. In fact, all he felt was utter bliss.

No. He wanted to see you and Bones again.

“Jim!” You screamed out, the same voice that soothed him on a stressful day; the very one that encouraged him on the harder nights. Arriving at where he was, you immediately knelt to the ground, desperate pushing your hands on his most critical injuries to put pressure on. “Jim? Jim, please. Open your eyes, baby.”

It was Jim. Your Jim in fact.

You just about died right then and there. Seeing Leonard was horrible already, but now this was a whole ‘nother level.

In the cool night, all the captain could think of was how beautiful your voice sounded, like the beautiful sounds of wind chimes swaying in the wind. For a moment, he imagined Bones and himself in handsome tuxedos, and you in their hands as they announced you wed in front of all your friends and family. For a moment, he let himself be content. 

“Hey doll,” Jim opened his eyes, instantly grinning at the sight of you. You were pretty in gold, he had always mentioned to you. That you were just as pretty as a wickedly gold star in the night sky. To him, you were his angel in gold. “You came for me.”

“Hey J,” You choked up, briefly pressing your comm badge to alert medical to get their ass up. “It’s not looking good though. You’re bleeding everywhere. And oh god, Len-Leonard isn’t doing too good either. Does it hurt?”

You felt stupid though. This was your first time comforting someone on the brink of death and all you could offer was if they were in pain. You weren’t a medic, and certainly didn’t have anything on you that could ease the pain. 

“Not anymore,” Jim smiled up at you, weakly bringing his hand up to your cheek. Automatically, you obliged him, nuzzling your cheek on his bloodied hand. “So beautiful, my beautiful star, my gold angel.”

For a moment, you let yourself smile. It was a familiar gesture that was between only you and Jim. It meant that he was okay, that you were okay. It broke your heart at the sight of his comforting hands. He was trying his best to console you, even though you were supposed to be the one doing it to him. 

“I love space. I love the planets. I love the new things, but nothing can compare to me loving you and Bones,” he whispered, a slight slur in his speech now. He gazed at you with the utmost adoration and love you had ever seen from him. “You and Bones are my love, and I love you all so so much.”

Then it hit you why he was saying all this now. This was his goodbye. 

Anxiety hit you like a semi truck, as you drew in a shaky breath. You knew it was bad, you knew that by the time the Enterprise could beam him up and rush him down to Medbay, it would be far too long to save him. Still you held onto hope. “Listen J, you are not dying on me and Leonard, okay? Hold on a little longer, and-and we can go find a priest or whatever and legally wed us, do you hear me?”

“Okay, Y/N,” He spoke, giving you his signature shit eating grin. You released a deep sob, nowhere near as happy as Jim was at the moment. This couldn’t be happening at the moment. This was the famous Captain James T Kirk of the goddamn USS Enterprise that took no shit from others, and believed in going out and doing right. “Doll?”

You raised your head a fraction upwards, meeting his baby blue eyes. His smile was gone, and all that was left was seriousness in those eyes. You had a feeling you knew what was going on. Intuition yelled at you to do something, anything to get him back onto the ship, but you could hardly move your limbs, let alone have the thought of moving him anywhere. Your eyes were glued to his gaze.

“I have one more wish.”

You shakily nodded at his request. The snot and your tears mixed with one another, and you hastily wiped them away as best as you could. “Of course, J, anything you want.”

“Close your eyes, Y/N. Tell me about the date again one last time.”

Each syllable destroyed what remained of the shattered pieces of your heart. That was his one last wish, his very last memory and he wanted to spend it with you in his final moments. And honestly, who were you to deny such a thing to him? 

“Yes, Jim. Of course, anything for you.”

Drawing yet another shaky breath in, you slowly laid down next to his body, despite the fact that the warm blood stained your entire body and hair. With a flip of your uninjured wrist, you opened up your comm, wedged it between your bodies, and closed your eyes as requested. Sooner or later, Nyota would catch on that this needed to be transmitted ship wide. 

“Alright Jim,” You gulped. “We were at the carnival back on Earth during one of the few shore leaves we had. It was getting dark, but you pulled your pout at the operator of the ferris wheel, begging him to let all three of us get on it one last time before the park closed. Eventually, he let us ride it again, but the time was halved. You didn’t care, Len didn’t look too happy at you at the thought of being stuck on the ride again. But we rode it. At the top, you pointed out the different constellations, the various other Federation planets, and the Spacedock where the ship was docked, wheeling around the planet.”

An audible gasp could be heard from your comm, but you ignored it. Some came from the stairs too, but you concentrated on your story as best as you could.

“It was then that you said you were ready to settle down. Find an officiant to wed us together, and we’d be happy forevermore. You said that all you needed was me and Bones, and that that was enough in your life. You had your captaincy, your ship, your crew, and us. You said that even if Starfleet took away everything, at the very least you still had me and Bones. Then afterwards, you took a couple photos of all of us together with the night sky in the background, and soon we were going back down again. Len called you a sap, and grumbled that he would never put up with your antics ever again. We all knew that was a lie though,” You trailed off at the end. Jim couldn’t help but smile at your words. Slowly, he closed his eyes, as the lights disappeared.

Once his breathing completely stopped, you tightly held his cold, still hands in a futile attempt to ground yourself one more time before you let go of consciousness.

“Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise, aged 28, lost his life in a fight against the Romulans.”

After that, you passed out beside him, letting the darkness overwhelm you. 

Beep.

Beep.

A rather annoying heart monitor beeped alongside your heart, and you weakly opened your eyes to the grey and white ceiling above. For a moment, you laid there in confusion. Why were you in Medbay this time? 

Then everything hit you all over again. You groaned at the thoughts, of seeing Jim’s broken body, of talking to him one last time. Your heart rate jumped as the memories endlessly cycled.

“Easy there, Captain,” A face leaned into your eyesight, blocking the harsh overhead light. For a split second, you thought it was Leonard that was speaking to you. Then frowned in confusion as Leonard stopped calling you by your rank unless it was for something official. 

“Doctor M’Benga,” You managed out, wincing at your desert like scratchy throat. “Where is Leonard?”

The doctor nodded to the bed beside yours, and you followed his gaze. Leonard laid on the biobed, looking peaceful as ever. For once, you were glad that he didn’t know yet. It was going to be a painful conversation when it did happen. 

“Leonard is alright, in much better condition than you are,” The doctor regained your attention. “Slight touch and go for a little while there with you. Couple of broken bones that still need a couple passes with the osteo generator, and a couple times with the dermal regen is what you need left.”

“Does he know yet?” You asked, voice trembling once more. 

“No, not yet, and it is best to keep it that way until both you and Leonard are in better physical condition,” The doctor shook his head. “He should be waking up soon though. Get some rest, Y/N.”

You frowned, and immediately put up a fuss about going back to sleep. You wanted to stay up, and wait for Leonard so he could be the first thing you saw. Apparently M’Benga disagreed with you, and eventually sedated you back under, claiming that there were enough injuries to heal and didn’t need more emotional ones to add onto it.

M’Benga was right though.

Soon, Leonard was up after an hour or two after you were sedated. Groaning, he opened his eyes, and sat up.

“Good to see you too, Leonard,” M’Benga moved over to Leonard, face impassive. 

“Geoff,” Leonard greeted, laying back down on the biobed. “What happened? Where’s the baby and Jim and Y/N?”

 Geoff grinned wryly at the other doctor, handing Leonard a glass of water. “Y/N beamed down with a rescue team, found you and the rest, and got you all beamed back onto the ship. As for the baby, he’s with Christine at the moment. The Captain is in another room, and Y/N was just sedated again right there.”

Lying in front of his superior was something he disliked doing, but for the meantime it was necessary. After all, it was still correct in a sense. 

“Doesn’t look so good,” Leonard replied, observing you from his biobed as you peacefully slept. “What happened there?”

“A phaser battle presumably,” One side of the attending physician’s mouth twitched. “Y/N was up before you, and wanted to stay up to speak with you.”

“So naturally Y/N made a fuss about it,” Leonard rolled his eyes, but felt the warmth that you were willing to wait for him. 

“Yes. Leonard you’ve got a mild concussion,” Geoff hurried onward. “Other than that, if no other complication arises, you should be cleared to leave the next time you wake up. Get some rest, Leonard. I’ll handle everything for the meantime.”

“Thanks Geoff.”

Couple hours passed before you woke up once more, looking even more exhausted than before. Geoff greeted you again with a faint smile, and had Christine speak with you while she ran the dermal regen on your more superficial cuts. 

“-And then it all just happened at once,” You mumbled, laying back on the biobed as though you’d exhausted all your energy.

“It’ll be eventually alright,” Chris assured you. 

“I still got so much to do, and I’m afraid of taking up command and breaking down. You know the regulation-.”

“Hey sweetheart,” A familiar southern gravelly voice interrupted you from the bed beside. 

“Len!” You brightened up, silently thanking the stars above that Leonard was alive and well. Slightly injured, but alive at the very least. You wouldn’t know if he couldn’t make it as well. 

“Thank god you're awake, sugar,” Leonard grinned. “Heard you gave Geoff a hard time.”

You turned red, and blushed. Turning away from him, you kept your gaze on Christine’s work. 

Geoff chuckled as he strode over. “Good to see the both of you more coherent.”

“Doctor M’Benga.”

“Geoff.”

“In this case, Leonard you’re free to leave whenever you’re ready,” The doctor then turned to you. “Y/N, once Chris gives you the thumbs up, you can leave also. I’ll have you scheduled with Leonard in three days for a follow up on your femur and wrist.” He gave you a nod, and a brief sad smile.

“I’ll wait, and take Y/N back to our quarters.”

You nodded at what Doctor M’Benga was mentioning at, and heaved a deep breath in. Oh boy. 

“Fortunately Leonard, the baby boy that we found,” The rest of M’Benga’s words were drowned out by you as you focused on the pale pink skin on one of your cuts. Jim’s lips were pink too, and soft, and pretty much everything you needed. Now, you didn't know what to do with yourself. 

“Alright, Y/N, you’re good to leave with Doctor McCoy,” Chris finally straightened, wrenching you out of your thoughts. “I’ll see you back here in three days, you hear?”

“Thanks, Chris.”

“You know Nyota and I will be here if you need a shoulder,” Chris gave you her knowing look, another sad smile on her face.   

“Come on, sweetheart, let’s go home,” Leonard took your hand firmly in his grasp, and led you back to your shared quarters.

“Len?” You mumbled on the bed, cuddling him. It was two days since you were down on the planet. There wasn’t any chance since then for you to cry it out, and Leonard still didn’t know. 

“Hmm?” 

“I-I want to speak to you about something important,” You pushed yourself up, wincing at the added pressure on your newly healed wrist. 

“What is it, sweetheart? Can it not wait for tomorrow?” Leonard sat up also, holding you close against his bare chest.

 You shook your head no. 

“It’s about Jim, love.”

“What about him?” The doctor quietly rumbled. “Geoff told me that he’s fine, and stable. A slight touch and go with the extent of his injuries, but we can go see him tomorrow.”

"Leonard,” You twisted around to properly face him, and caught his gaze. 

“Jim is dead.”

~

Later, you and Leonard insisted on seeing Jim. Volunteering himself, Spock had stayed by your side as he walked up towards the small line of silver body bags. Your hands clung to the edge of the table with white knuckles as the half Vulcan unzipped the bag slowly.

You bit the bottom of your lip as you let Leonard approach Jim first, wiping your tears away. Tearing your gaze away, you settled your tearful gaze on Spock instead. You knew that despite his stoic face, his gaze had softened a fraction from his usual rock hard sharpness. The broadcast was transmitted ship wide during a brief red alert, you'd learned afterwards, which meant all 465 crew members heard it all. 

The Bridge and the senior crew were all too close to him. Nyota, you, Spock, Len, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, everyone was affected in some way or manner. He was liked, and easy going. Everyone liked him. You could imagine Sulu holing up with his plants, Nyota crying in her quarters and Spock comforting her the best he could, and both Scotty and Chekov almost drinking their stash dry. 

“Y/N,” Leonard hoarsely beckoned you over.

“Hey J,” You croaked out, placing a gentle kiss on Jim’s forehead. “I love you, so so much.”

The letters had been Leonard’s idea. One from Leonard to you, another one from Jim to you, and the same with Jim. Leonard. Letters written in the event that in the event that one of you died, there would be final words in hopes of giving comfort to the others. Just like your will, you, len, and Jim would update it from time to time, always hoping that there would never be a need to open them. 

After speaking to Spock that you and Leonard would be taking the next day off, Len guided you out and slowly made your way back to your shared quarters. Leonard was a seasoned doctor, patients’ deaths weren't new to him. But to a loved one? He only felt cold and empty within, colder than he had ever experienced. 

You brought out three glasses from the kitchen, while Leonard popped open a new bottle of bourbon. With a nod from you, he poured a generous amount to each glass. You reached out for your glass, and paused. Sliding your gaze up to him, down to the third glass, and back up to Leonard’s puffy hazel eyes, he nodded in understanding. 

You both clinked the third glass, then to each other before tipping the glass upside down. You were on your fourth glass of booze before you even remotely remembered the letters inside the drawers. 

“Sh-should we then?” You nodded your head towards the drawers. 

Leonard’s gaze sharply brought back to your tired ones. He nodded. 

 With a huff, you slid out of your chair, and strode over to them. Rubbing your eyes again for the hundredth time or so, you slid out the bottomest drawer where Jim’s clothes were stacked neatly on top of each other. You’d remembered, as it was your turn to do laundry, and it was only you who would fold Jim’s socks that nicely. Pushing them away, your hands trembled as you gingerly took out the two letters. There was one more underneath, but it wasn’t for you or Leonard. Letting out an unsteady breath, you sat back down in your seat, giving Leonard’s his. 

Y/N.

You stared at his gold ink lettering, and reluctantly turned it over. Breaking the seal on it, you carefully peeled it open. Pulling the sheet out, you were surprised when two photos tumbled out onto the dining table. Curiously, you flipped one over and smiled despite your tears. 

You and Jim were skating on an ice rink. You were bundled up from head to toe and falling over. Jim was half turned to you in the middle of a laugh, while you were in the middle of falling. You hated the photo so much, and you remembered how much your hips hurt after that time on the open rink. He loved it though.

You sniffled, and felt your tears well up again when you turned your attention onto the second picture. It was you, Len, and Jim on the ferris wheel, the same story that you had spoken to him on his final minutes up on that roof. 

Whimpering, you tore your eyes away to look over at Leonard. He too wasn’t doing so well either. Setting the photo aside, he turned his attention to the letter now. Your tears streaked down your face and dripped constantly onto the table as you read. 

Hey Y/N,

If you are reading this, then I guess this is it. 

You’re sad and frustrated, I know. Sometimes I feel like I can read you more than I can ever understand myself. Whether it’s twenty, thirty, forty years before we’re united again, I can’t wait. But don’t rush back to me. Live your life the way it ought to be lived. Become the next Captain, have a life, and settle down with Bones when it comes time. My biggest regret in life is that it was so short, and cut off right at the time where I wanted to live through the most. Bones once told me that love was harsh, and unforgiving. When I met you though, you blasted that all away in a heartbeat. However, I’m not afraid of what life would be like without you, but what your life without me. 

I’ll never forget the memories that we shared together. The first hug, the first kiss, the first time all three of us enjoyed ourselves on shore leave, and the time we spent together on the ship. I’m glad that Nyota finally pushed me into getting to know you better. 

Take care of Bones, take care of yourself, take care of each other, and please take care of mom for me. She’s already lost dad, and it’ll be even harder when she learns that I’m gone too. I’ll be up above, watching over everyone. I’m not gone completely. You have memories of me, and my love in your heart. One day, it’ll all be okay. There are so many people in our lives that care about you and Bones. Let them heal you please. 

I love you and Bones, simple as that. Words can’t describe my love for you. Keep your head up high and make me proud, Captain Y/L/N. 

Love and forever yours,

Jimmy Boy

Bam!

Startled, you let the letter flutter down, only to find Leonard roughly slamming his glass down on the table. You heard a whimper, and you honestly didn’t know if it was coming from you or him. 

“One more?” You managed out, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand again. 

The doctor filled both glasses again with bourbon, and smiled tearfully at you. 

“To Jim.”

“To Jim.”

Leonard, Winona, and you were dressed in black as you held each other, watching as Jim’s casket was lowered into the ground on Earth. As a Captain, he was given full honors and rights and a minute of silence was held. You and Leonard wrote the eulogy together, and the senior crew took turns upon the podium to tell their tales of the wonderful Captain Kirk. When they were done, you sobbed into Leonard’s chest as one of the Admiral stood up and concluded the funeral.

You were made Captain of the Enterprise after a month into the three months shore leave. You were grateful for Starfleet giving you time to grieve for Jim’s loss. It was eventually going to be exciting, but without Jim by your side, you didn’t know if it was possible. 

Laying on Jim’s childhood bed in Iowa, Leonard cuddled you. You let out a sigh, and looked out the window and at the stars above. It was new, not having the rambunctious captain to not be poking out from a corner, and teasing you. Gradually as time went on though, you expected less of his appearances. 

“Could I get you two anything to drink?” Jim’s mom called from the door. 

“We’re all good here, mom. Thanks,” You called out, glancing up at Leonard. 

It only made sense to call Winona as mom since you were going to marry her son. She needed the warmth of a family, now that both of her husband and son were gone. You and Leonard were more than happy to step in. Jim would have wanted you to.

“Alright, yell if you want anything,” Winona left. You listened as her footsteps padded away from the door, and relaxed back into the embrace. 

“Will we be okay?” You asked in the silence. 

“Yes, sweetheart,” Leonard spoke quietly, but his voice was distant as though he had something else in mind. 

He was a doctor. He was trained to look for patterns, and he excelled in that. Something else was gnawing at him, and it troubled him. He wanted to speak to you about it, but he knew that it wouldn’t dissuade you. 

Christopher Pike, blonde hair, blue eyes, Admiral, dead.

George Kirk, blonde hair, blue eyes, First Officer, dead.

James Kirk, blonde hair, blue eyes, Captain, dead. 

Y/N Y/L/N, blonde hair, blue eyes, Captain. 

Star Trek Tags: @mournthewicked (Enjoy your day off!) Join the taglist!

Thanks for reading! If you want to read some fluffy fics to ease up from this sobfest, my masterlist is here. Or better yet, send in a request! (Always looking for ideas)

[toast-the-unknowing]

Lmaoooooo “when I grow up I’m going to have so much amnesia” pls just post whatever you’ve written over the last ten years I am so INTRIGUED

Well, the subject line is a Futurama quote, I can’t take credit for that, alas.

I am fond of several of the jokes in that story, but at the end of the day, it’s a mystery and I wrote 20k words of it without ever deciding what the answer to the mystery is. The odds I’ll ever bother figuring it out now are slim, especially since I look back and realize...you know...I’ve become a much better writer than I was 10 years ago and most of those 20k words aren’t great.

But some of them I like! So what the hell, why not, here’s some of my favorite bits from a Star Trek 2009 fic that will probably never otherwise see the light of day:

The whole thing with Kirk and Spock losing their memories on the same away trip is funny for a total of three seconds before it becomes utterly terrifying.

Okay, maybe there's about five minutes of Hikaru making himself sick trying to hold in laughter at the stunned stupid look on Kirk's face as he steps onto the bridge, the way that Spock mutters "what an ingenious invention" after they're beamed back to the Enterprise, but hey, Hikaru's only human. And now so is Kirk, stripped of that cockiness that comes from knowing he's survived all kinds of crazy shit that he shouldn't have, and so is Spock in a way, since he seems to have forgotten all his Vulcan mind-master training along with everything else.

And that thought is what wipes the smirk off Hikaru's face and has him exchanging sideways glances with Chekov, because they're right on the edge of Klingon space, Kang had sworn eternal vengeance against the entire crew the last time they'd seen him, and without Kirk's impossible ability to get them out of everything he gets them into, Hikaru doesn't like their odds of escaping a skirmish unharmed.

McCoy skips right over the part where anything about the situation is amusing and even skips over the "utterly terrifying" part and opts straight for angry yelling before the doors of the turbolift have finished opening to allow him onto the bridge.

"What the devil are you playing at now, Jim?" McCoy demands, striding up to Kirk and waving a tricorder at him that he can't possibly be reading, since he's too busy venting at Kirk's face to look at the machine.

The effect of this is apparently lost on the amnesiac Kirk, who looks over his shoulder trying to figure out who McCoy is talking to.

Right. No one told the Captain his name was Jim.

"We're doomed," Chekov whispers to Hikaru, who wholeheartedly agrees.

-

"More tests?" Hikaru asks Chapel. Hikaru hopes he sounds world-weary but in all likelihood he just sounds like a kid whining about not wanting to go to the dentist's. At least when he was a kid his parents would give him some candy to make the whole experience more bearable.

"You've failed them all so far," Chapel tells him.

"Doesn't being healthy count as passing?"

"Not in his Sickbay." She gestures over her shoulder at McCoy, who is ranting to the nurses that he washes his hands of Hikaru, complete with actually physically washing his hands, because McCoy has no concept of subtlety.

-

Maybe it was just the terrible psychological burden of working too long under McCoy that had made her a sadist. Hikaru had helped the med staff repair and restock Sickbay after a disastrous encounter with Romulans, and after two days of McCoy's crazy-eyes drilling into the back of his skull, he hadn't felt terribly generous toward his fellow sentient beings. Kirk, who always had to be perverse and do the opposite of what a normal person would do, had been invigorated by the experience and set some kind of mountain-climbing record on the next planet they stopped at.

-

McCoy must be having a field day, wherever he is; nothing makes him happier than a legitimate reason to be unhappy.

-

He winces and walks over to answer the door, to find Chekov's curly head bouncing around with an upbeat energy that makes Hikaru feel a thousand years old.

"What?" he asks. "Communicator doesn't work?"

"You didn't answer," Chekov points out, which is probably correct. Hikaru hadn't been aware of anything, much less the chirp of a communicator.

"You know," he tells Chekov, stepping back into his room so he can change into a fresh uniform, "when someone is annoyed with you, telling them how it's their fault doesn't make them like you any better. It just makes them more annoyed."

Chekov blinks big, hurt eyes at him. "You are annoyed with me?"

Hikaru just sighs and lets it go. "So what do I need to be told so badly?" he asks, slipping on a new pair of pants and pulling his shirt off. "I'm guessing that if it were good news, it could wait."

"We have Klingons," Chekov tells him, completely matter-of-fact, and Hikaru is never going to share with anyone, least of all Chekov, the fact that his immediate response to this was to think Russians really are that stoic.

His next thought is that he has to get to the bridge, now, so he sets off at a run with Chekov following along behind.

His third thought, that he never did finish getting dressed, takes its own sweet time occurring to him, specifically waiting until the doors to the Bridge open and Uhura looks at him, blinks her eyes at a momentary loss for words, and then smirks.

In retrospect, it will feel pretty good to have made Uhura happy about something in the middle of this whole clusterfuck. At the time, Hikaru just wonders how bad it could really be to eject himself out the nearest airlock.

"Had a disagreement with your uniform, Mr. Sulu?" Uhura asks. "Or have your just decided that today is a good day for swashbuckling?"

Hikaru plays it cool, because there are only so many options available for you when you show up to battle without a shirt on, and because there's an appreciative look in the eyes of more than one person on the Bridge that reminds him that his shirtlessness is not, in and of itself, anything to be ashamed about. "I wanted to be on hand as soon as possible to help with the situation, sir," he tells her, voice completely smooth. He falls into a formal at-ease position that draws the muscles in his chest tight, causing someone to whistle lowly.

The Acting Captain is actively fighting back laughter at this point; Uhura is going to give him shit about this for the rest of his natural life, but then again, Klingons, so Hikaru can't begrudge her trying to make the most of it now in case the rest of his natural life is only another ten minutes. "Mr. Chekov, please restrain your dramatics in the future," she tells him, and the ensign takes on a look of righteous outrage that is decades older than his face. "Perhaps you could have communicated to Mr. Sulu that another second or two's delay would not have been fatal."

"I thought it obvious, sir," Chekov says, primly. "No Russian would charge into battle in such a state of unpreparedness."

"Because they'd freeze to death on a summer's day," Hikaru mutters.

-

"How?" Uhura asks, with that same fake innocent tone she uses when she's trying to convince everyone at the table that she's got a shit hand, and dammit, Hikaru has fallen for that bluff too many times. After which he was often divested of an article of clothing, oddly enough, so the whole thing is starting to feel really familiar.

-

Kang is even willing to deal with someone who isn't Kirk, as long as Kirk is there to have accusations and insults hurled at him, which is some kind of horrible metaphor for command but Hikaru is still trying to force his jaws together and doesn't quite appreciate the many, many cosmic jokes that are unfurling in front of him.

-

Every single person on the bridge of the Enterprise who still has a brain freezes and darts their eyes to the view screen at the exact same second. Later that simultaneity would make Hikaru wonder why the hell the dancing had been so uncoordinated in the crew's performance of Pirates of Penzance, since clearly they are all psychically linked to each other. Or perhaps psychic connections require substantial motivational force. Few things are more substantial or more motivating than enraged Klingons, and – as every eyeball except two immediately takes in – they have one hell of an enraged Klingon on their hands.

"WHAT CHARADE IS THIS," Kang demands, spitting out 'charade' like it's the dirtiest word he knows. Apparently Klingon honor doesn't have much time for theater. Hikaru wonders what Klingons do for embarrassing social bonding in lieu of Pirates of Penzance.

-

"Oh, good, so we can tell them that we aren't responsible, they'll listen to that and act reasonable," McCoy mutters, before jabbing Kirk with something on the pretense of getting more brainwave readings. McCoy has been dragging Kirk around the ship with him all morning for reasons as yet unexplained. Hikaru's torn on thinking it's to cause more havoc, since every little thing that happens inspires a thousand pointless questions from the deposed captain, and thinking it's so he can stab at Kirk like some stress relief toy. It doesn't seem to be working, but modern science has not yet found a conduit big enough to channel McCoy's stress, so that would be asking a bit much to ask from a guy who needed help going to the bathroom earlier. (Hikaru made Chekov do it. That's what ensigns are for, right?)

-

Chapel had proclaimed the whole thing hogwash and said she would get around to it when she had a minute, and implied that that minute was going to be a long time coming, because apparently that attitude was handed down with command of Sickbay like the crown of a hereditary monarch.

-

Besides, there's the Klingons to consider, and even Scotty can't make hooch so strong it wipes out the memories of people on other ships. Probably. Hikaru will ask him about it when his memory is back, and they will write a paper together, "A Transwarp Theory of Moonshine", and it will ruin both of their chances of ever advancing up the command chain, which would probably suit Scotty just fine and would be the best thing to ever happen to Hikaru if it means he never has to deal with a mess like this again.

-

"When we get to the point where we're recruiting untested specialists from alternate dimensions to solve the problem, just leave me brainless," Chapel scoffs. "I don't want to know."

Hikaru scribbles a note to himself. Evil clones running the Enterprise becomes Plan Y; stealing versions of themselves from other dimensions becomes Plan Z. He thinks they have a better chance of un-fixing the teleporter to make clones again than of making it pull people from other dimensions.

-

Chekov bounds down the hall at him – speaking of teenagers – and apparently the gloom is rolling off Hikaru thick enough to strike down an enthusiastic ensign at fifty paces, because the spring goes right out of Chekov's step when Hikaru looks at him. His faces turns somber and he tugs on his uniform shirt like he's worried about wrinkles. Or maybe he just remembered that this is a catastrophe in the making and a little gravity is called for.

He nearly takes it too far, though, going for a salute and Hikaru thinks that if Chekov salutes him right now he will actually go insane. He intercepts Chekov's arm on the way up and drops it back down like its covered in nettles. Chekov looks a little confused about how to proceed from here, but hell, the kid's always telling them he's a genius, let him figure something out.

-

He picks up Chapel like a leech; when he refuses to stop in Sickbay she just attaches herself to him and starts talking every bit as rapidly as Hikaru is walking. He can't tell how she's breathing. Maybe she isn't. Hikaru feels a little bit like he isn't breathing, either, or that might just be his flair for the dramatic.

He gets distracted, too, by the nurse who is accompanying Chapel, holding several PADDS and a medical tricorder and struggling to hold it all and drop nothing and keep up on her rather short legs. Maybe they could slow down for her, but hell, Chapel's her boss and isn't worried.

Hikaru can't remember the nurse's name. That's a panicky moment, but no, it's just that she's new. Should he ask her name, he wonders, or would that be rude? As the captain, however temporary or inglorious the title may be, he should know everyone on the crew already.

At least the crew is making that easier on him by shrinking.

-

"Stress is every bit a real, medical problem, particularly among young men in high-pressure situations who think they're immortal." This comes with a side order of meaningful look.

"I assure you, Nurse, I am well-aware of my failings."

"And I'm seeing drastically heightened stress all over the ship. Heart rate, blood pressure, shaking, forgetfulness -- not amnesia -- emotional outbursts -- "

"Maybe the crew doesn't like having medical personnel hovering all around them." Hikaru jumps as the short nurse waves her tricorder over him, presumably getting a reading of his own heart rate, blood pressure, and emotional outbursts. "I'm open to any suggestions about how to lower the crew's stress levels, up to and including Ensign Chekov going door to door singing Russian lullabies."

"I'll put that down as Plan Z," Chapel says, and holy shit, can she read his mind? He makes himself think profusely repentant thoughts for his attitude the last two days and also for that time he sneaked a look at her hand at poker, just in case. Also, he probably shouldn't play poker with Chapel anymore, honest or otherwise, if she can read his mind.

-

That, that right there, is apparently what Chapel looks like when she is truly outraged and not just annoyed or sarcastic or feeling superior, which is a valuable piece of information and Hikaru files it away in the very sincere and fervent hope that he never sees it again.

"You know, just, some people," the Acting Captain of the Federation Starship Enterprise mumbles into his shoulder.

-

"How did we get here?" Hikaru mutters. He's barely even realized he's spoken, so it's doubly alarming when Chekov jumps up and grabs his shoulders, shakes them violently.

"Sulu, no, you cannot have amnesia, too," the kid starts babbling. Why is it that his accent gets easier to understand when he's worked up? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Unless, hang on, has the kid been faking his accent this whole time? "Then I will have to take command of the Enterprise and while that is a thing I have dreamed of doing, it is no good to me if no one is around to admire."

[mystery-star]

Threshold of Space - Chapter 3 Aftermath

Pairing: Spock x OC

Warnings: swearing, violence, molesting, mentions of death

Words: 6610

All Parts: 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 |  Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

If you want to be added to the taglist let me know!

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms!

-Her head was throbbing when she opened her eyes. Nevertheless, she tried to get up to look around a little and find a chance to escape. However, moments later she noticed that someone - she strongly assumed it was the Romulan who knocked her out - had tied her to a pole. Cursing him in her thoughts, she tried to free herself but quickly realized that it was of no use. Then she’d have to wait until someone came to get her.

She had no idea how long she had been sitting there until she was approached by one of her captors. Her heart started beating faster, one part of her was afraid of what would happen while the other was happy about a chance to escape. However, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do if she actually managed to get rid of him. After all she had no idea how the ship was built and all she knew was that she needed to get off it. Maybe they had escape pods she could use? By now the Romulan reached her and freed her arms. Somehow she had imagined he’d pull her with him, instead she was yanked up and pressed against the pole.

“Leave me alone” she hissed as she felt his hands on her hip, having an idea what exactly he had in mind. “I bet if your master hears about this, you’re screwed”

“My only order is not to kill you and bring you to Nero so that he can beam you down to earth when it’s being destroyed. I wasn’t told what I can’t do with you” His fingers laced in her hair and pulled her head aside.

“Earth’s got a much better defense than Vulcan. This won’t be easy. At all” she growled and winced when she felt his breath on her neck. Then she decided that was enough and knocked her head against his, simultaneously kicking her knee between his legs. Hoping the pointed tips of his ears were as sensitive as the one of Vulcans, she pinched it with her finger nails. He let out a loud scream and went to his knees, trying to get away from her hand. Carissa grinned “Perks of having a Vulcan boyfriend” she chuckled as she kicked him another couple of times until she was sure that he wouldn’t be able to follow her in the next few minutes. Since the red of her uniform was eye catching, she even stole his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. Maybe she wouldn’t be spotted from afar like that. She also took his weapon. After delivering another few kicks she ran away, looking around if she could see Pike somewhere so that she could free him as well. Without an idea where she was supposed to go, she just ran along the corridors, hoping she wouldn’t run into someone. But of course the ship wasn’t empty, so after a couple of minutes she heard footsteps. She hid behind a large machine, only focusing on the sounds. Luckily, it seemed to be only one person. Taking a deep breath, she raised her weapon and as she saw that the Romulan was almost past the machine, she lunged at him, knocking the gun against his skull. Before she knew it, her opponent threw her to the ground. A shriek of surprise left her mouth and turned into a painful moan as he kicked her stomach.

“Die, Starfleet officer” he growled. Much to her luck he must have dropped his weapon when she jumped at him, so he had to find other ways to kill her. He picked her up by her neck and squeezed it with both hands. Once again she went for the ears, making him loosen the grip enough so that she could tear his hands away from her. She went to her knees, coughing and holding her neck. She tried to crawl between his legs and hit his middle with her hand when she was in an optimal position. After she was past him, she got up and continued running. That was more difficult than she thought because her lungs never seemed to get enough air. Her hair was grabbed and she almost fell over. The Romulan from earlier shoved her against the nearest post with such a force that made her black spots in front of her eyes. A fist collided with her jaw and her head hit the metal behind her again. Her hand shot to her head and she felt his hands wrapping around her neck again. When she threw a short glance at him, she could she a small smirk on his face. This time she was too far away to hurt his ears, so she tried to get rid of his arms but to no avail. Suddenly, he let go of her and she tried to stagger forward and try to fight him again when she felt her knees sagging in. Before she went to her knees, she saw that the Romulan obviously didn’t feel any better and went to the ground as well. But in contrast to her, he lay there motionless. Before she could even figure out what she was supposed to do she heard her name being called.

“Spock” she choked out upon looking up and seeing him holding out his hand towards her. When she made no move to take it, he crouched down in front of her and pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Feeling tears of exhaustion in her eyes she leaned her cheek against his shoulder and tried to catch her breath.

“It is very pleasant to see you” he said quietly and she made a faint sound of agreement. “Have you been severely injured?”

“Mhh” she murmured “Not that much” he lifted her head and cradled her face to look at her, then placed his lips on hers. When he leaned his forehead against hers, she couldn’t help but smile a little. He rarely showed this much affection in such a short time. “No reason to rush things” she joked.

“Oh there you are. I thought you were crazy when you turned and darted away as if stung by… What the fuck?!” she glanced past the Vulcan to see Jim standing behind them, panting and supporting himself against his thighs. Much to her dismay Spock pulled away and helped Carissa up, ignoring the other cadet’s bedazzled look.

“We ought to leave” he urged, then looked back to his girlfriend “Are you in a state to run?”

“I’ll see” she replied. He gave a nod and jogged off, still holding her hand that she had no choice but to follow him. Only seconds later everything in her body was protesting but she tried not to show it. They needed to get away from here. After what seemed like an eternity, her boyfriend slowed down and Carissa saw a ship in front of them “Are we gonna steal that?” she asked “What about Captain Pike?”

“Cadet Kirk will take care of him”

“O-okay” she turned back to Kirk as they entered the ship. “Oh wow, I have the feeling that this isn’t a Romulan ship… oh hey, look at that cool bubble” she smiled and went to the middle of the ship where she had spotted the funny looking red bubble and had to refrain herself from touching it. She felt hands on her shoulder and was carefully pulled away from where she stood

“It is better if you keep a certain distance to the red matter”

“The red matter?”

“Yeah apparently that’s the thing that caused the black hole that destroyed Vulcan” Jim explained. The ship computer seemed to have switched on and welcomed Spock.

“Okayyyy?!” she glanced at Spock who stared at the ship in disbelief.

“Well that’s weird” Jim said with a shrug and went past them, while Spock asked the computer about his details. She frowned when it explained that it was commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy in the 24th century. Was there a mistake or did the ship really come from the future? Suddenly she found Spock gone and hurried after him.

“It appears that you have been keeping important information from me” he confronted Jim.

“And what’s that about you and Clarissa?”

“Carissa” she corrected

“Your question does not relate to the mission, therefore I have no comment on the matter”

“Fine. You’ll be able to fly this thing, won’t you?” Kirk inquired.

“Something tells me I already have” this confused Carissa even more. Until now she had just believed that Spock had already flown this ship but apparently not. So what was going on?

“Good luck” Jim walked away when Spock called his name.

“I would prefer if you took Carissa with you and kept an eye on her”

“What?” she crossed her arms “I’m staying with you, of course.”

“Carissa, the overall likelihood that our plan succeeds is less than 4.3 percent. If you go with him, your chances of survival are higher than with me”

“You do know you’re sending me back to the Romulans, don’t you? Beside, screw chances, I’m not going anywhere!”

“You being with him would also increase Cadet Kirk’s chances of survival in case he is confronted by Romulans”

“God, there are days I feel like I’m talking to a wall. Besides, when I am with them I probably have a higher chance of being harmed further so no thanks” she muttered and chuckled as she heard Kirk murmur in agreement.

“Look” he said “I don’t know why but obviously she wants to stay with you, so why don’t you let her?”

“This ship was designed to be administered by one person. Therefore, her presence here is unnecessary” she sighed.

“That’s not the moment to discuss this. I can decide for myself and I’d rather die than stepping one foot onto that Romulan ship again! And you see, I might actually die with you, so guess what?” Jim made a hand movement that said as much as ‘there you go’. Finally her boyfriend agreed and Jim left after assuring Carissa that she needn’t to worry because the plan would work.

“What exactly is the plan?” she asked after he had left the ship.

“We need to destroy the drill and draw the Narada away from Earth so that the Enterprise can beam us back on board before we launch the red matter onto the ship. Since Cadet Kirk needs to find Captain Pike, it is down to me to buy him some time”

“Oh alright” she watched as he steered the ship away from the Romulan one after blasting a hole into it. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No, as I already said, this ship was designed for one person so I am able to do everything myself”

“Okay. And should I… I don’t know maybe prepare the red matter so that we can use it afterwards?”

“That will not be necessary”

“But… how are you trying to launch it at the Narada then?” he didn’t answer and she started to figure it out “No. No, don’t tell me we’re crashing this ship onto theirs. That’s madness. They won’t be able to beam us back in time”

“That is why I wanted you to go with Cadet Kirk. Because the Narada has longer than this ship does” she shook her head

“Even if I had known that, I wouldn’t have changed my mind” he looked at her “And don’t you even dare telling me how illogical this decision was or whatever”

“I did not plan to comment on this at all” he started firing onto the metal cord that held the drill in place

“Oh” she watched how the drill finally came off and fell down. She only hoped that no one would be killed when it arrived at the surface.

“However, I cannot help but admit that a part of me feels a form of contentment due to your presence” she made an approving sound.

“I appreciate you telling me this. I know it must be hard for you to admit your feelings and talk about them” she placed a hand on his arm. He was about to reply when Nero’s face appeared on a little screen in front of them

“Spock, I should have killed you when I had the chance. But know that Carissa will be joining me at any moment and then you can watch her die” Spock looked at his girlfriend and she leant closer to him so that the Romulan could see her as well

“I don’t think so. Unfortunately for you I found out that Romulan ears are quite sensitive as well so I managed to escape”

“Fire on that ship! I want them dead. Dead. Now!” Nero shouted

“Bad kitty” she scolded him like she did with her cat when he did something he wasn’t allowed. The communication broke off and Spock moved over a little

“Sit down and hold tight” he said and Carissa followed his instruction, knowing he’d soon fly evasive maneuvers. That was the case but only a couple of seconds later he went into Warp.

“Do you think he’ll follow us?”

“He will. After all you managed to make him angry enough to forget about anything else. Which is our luck because he would never make the choice to follow us if it was not based on emotions like anger” she smiled.

“See, it’s good you took me with you so I could make him angry” she pressed a kiss to his cheek what made him look at her with something like amusement. Not much later, they went out of Warp and he flew a U-turn, directly towards the Narada that had dropped out of overlightspeed as well. “Do you reckon he’ll figure out what we’re trying to do?”

“I suppose he is not that ignorant” as it seemed also the computer seemed to have realized what they were doing and warned Spock that he was out to collide with the Narada

“Guess what, that’s exactly what we want, computer” Carissa chuckled “Ah it seems like Nero knows” again he was firing at them and again they got a warning from the computer that if the ship was hit, the red matter would be ignited. She looked at him “What now? We’re too far away from the Narada so it’ll only kill us” suddenly a ship appeared and blasted away all the Romulan missiles so that their path was cleared.

“Enterprise” Spock called the ship “Here is Spock”

“Here’s Scotty, Sir”

“I have Cadet Wiley on board with me and request you beam her back onto the ship”

“Aye”

“What are you doing?”

“Sir, I cannae beam her back alone. It’s either both of you or no one. Yer too close to each other” as the hull of the Romulan ship came closer, she dug her fingers into Spock’s arm and shortly after felt that she was being beamed somewhere. She only hoped it was the Enterprise��s doing, not Nero’s. When she realized that she was in the transporter room of the Starfleet ship with her boyfriend still beside her she breathed out in relief. Luckily, also Jim and Pike had made it. As it seemed, Spock was already on his way back to the bridge, pulling Carissa along when they almost ran into people from the Med Bay. When the Vulcan let go of her hand, she felt disappointed but knew why he did it. It wasn’t good if people saw them holding hands.

“There is no reason for you to come to the bridge with me” he told her without even looking back

“Firstly, I was assigned to the bridge for all I know. Secondly, I think I made my point obvious when I said that I want to stay with you” they arrived at the bridge only seconds before Jim, who ordered to hail Nero. Why was he giving orders and not Spock? After all he was made Captain. Then she got even more things to wonder about as Jim (whose real name apparently was James as she just learned) offered Nero to evacuate his people. She obviously wasn’t the only one who was confused as her boyfriend started talking to Jim (or James). Luckily, Nero already spat that he’d rather relive Romulus’ end over and over again than accepting their help.

“Oh that’s a bummer” Carissa said, glaring at him “I was hoping we could repay you your hospitality… then I have no choice but to say goodbye. I don’t know how you Romulans do it, so I’ve got to do it the human way” she showed him her middle fingers “Go to hell” she felt the surprised looks of most people on her and she took a step back with a sheepish smile. Where had that come from?

“I can only agree with Carissa” she smiled as he finally seemed to have realized her name was not Clarissa. “Arm phasers and fire everything we got” he walked away from the screen and sat down in the Captain’s chair as the Enterprise started firing at the Narada, which finally got swallowed by the black hole. She slightly raised her fist in triumph. But then all her enthusiasm wore off when she heard that they were too close to the singularity as well and would be swallowed by it as well. As it seemed there was nothing they could to, the ship was already on maximum Warp. Great. She was starting to get angry at Kirk for ordering to fire at the Narada instead of leaving instantly. But then Scotty from the engineering seemed to have an idea, detonation something and creating a blast that could push them away from the black hole. Only now she realized that maybe it was better if she sat down as well and quickly took a seat in the nearest empty chair, grabbing it as she had done before they left the dock on Earth. Somehow she had a feeling as if years had passed since then, but she knew that it probably was only about a day or two. She’d have to ask her boyfriend, after all he must have been able to keep track of the time. “Sulu?” Kirk said after he had made sure everyone on the bridge was alright “Let’s go home”

-oO0Oo-

For some reason, Carissa felt odd about being back. It was, as if everything had changed. At least she had heard the full story of what had happened by now: Nero was from the future, just after his home planet had been destroyed. And apparently a future version of Spock had promised them to save Romulus but came too late so Nero had sworn to get revenge. A part of her felt dumb for not realizing it, it was a plausible explanation and answered all her questions. However, shortly after she felt new questions arising. Did this mean that a new timeline was created? Was there a possibility to restore Vulcan? What would the older version of her boyfriend do, travel back to his own time or stay here? She soon realized that the easiest way to have her questions answered was talking to the time traveler. Besides, she had noticed that she still was in possession of the photograph Nero had thrown at her and she figured it was his and that he wanted it back. A doctor had given her a sick leave for the next day so she wanted to use it to talk to the older Spock. But before that she wanted to make sure her boyfriend was alright but as it seemed he could be found nowhere so she decided to do that later because she feared that his future self could leave soon. When she heard that he agreed to the meeting she nevertheless was a little surprised.

“Hi uh…” she greeted, trying her best to offer him the traditional Vulcan greeting “My name is Carissa Wiley and well… I was asking to see you.” he returned the greeting

“I know who you are, Carissa” suddenly she remembered the photograph

“Oh yeah… right” and she wasn’t even so sure if it was a good idea to come here “Sorry if I am bothering you… I actually only came because I think I got something of yours” she pulled out the photograph and saw how he raised an eyebrow as he carefully took it from her.

“I thought it gone when Nero took it from me” his index finger traced over the part of the picture that showed her. “Besides you could never bother me, I can even admit that it fills me with joy to see you again” This made her feel a twinge in her chest

“Did…did… was she... I-I mean was I, the other I with you on this mission? Did Nero… kill her?”

“No, she was not. I have lost her one hundred and two years before these incidents”

“Oh” she wasn’t sure if she felt sorry for him or if it was because it concerned herself “May-may I ask how it happened?”

“We were on a mission when another ship of the Federation appeared out of nothing. Of course we thought nothing by it, not even when our tries to contact them were not answered. By the time I discovered that the other ship had been infiltrated by the enemy, it was already too late” he looked at the photograph again “Carissa was in the engine room with a couple of cadets. They were all killed when the ship was fired at.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I mean not because it concerns me… and I know that you… I mean your younger self always said he doesn’t want compassion… but-but I can’t help it. Sorry”

“There is no need to apologize for your emotions. You are human and therefore cannot control them as we can. I am sure that my younger self is aware of this. He will need you, we both have lost so much. And I fear I am the one who owes you an apology, it was my doing you got into this perilous situation in the first place”

“If you’re trying to say that it is your fault that Romulus was destroyed or what Nero did because of that… it’s not. You wanted to help and you did everything to do so, I know that. It’s not your fault you weren’t there in time”

“That is one thing I have always loved so much about her, she always believed in the good of everyone and tried to help them. If more people were like you, the galaxy would be at peace. I am sure she would have made a splendid ambassador as well”

“Yeah, that’s something my diplomacy professor keeps telling me all the time. He believes that would have been more my thing than a member of Starfleet” Carissa shrugged.

“If I recall correctly, the reason for your visit was not just to give me back my property but to ask me some questions”

“Yes, unless you don’t want to…”

-oO0Oo-

All too soon she had to leave for dinner. She had to admit that she was glad that Spock wanted to stay in this timeline because she had grown very fond of him in the few hours she had talked to him about almost everything, from how her life had been in their timeline (though he didn’t tell her too much, it was still her own life after all). After dinner, she tried to find her boyfriend again but as it seemed he refused to see anyone and she couldn’t insist without making their relationship official. She knew that if he really needed her, he’d come to her even if he was a dickhead. But she could understand why he didn’t want to see anyone, she too felt the same way because she first needed time to cope with everything. And for him it was even worse. Spock’s future self had told her that they had lost their mother when Vulcan was destroyed. Besides, she knew that she would see him the following day in the lesson anyway.

-oO0Oo-

Her first day of school didn’t start all too well. When she arrived at the diplomacy classroom she was being pestered with questions about her ‘adventure’ in outer space and if what they heard was true. She tried to dodge the questions as good as she could.

“Look, I’ve spent about one hour aboard the bridge of Enterprise, but passed out just after we got into Warp. Then I was abducted by a criminal Romulan who came from the future and he wanted to kill me because he sought revenge. He made me watch the destruction of Vulcan, I got hit, knocked out and one of them came too close for my liking and another one tried to strangle me twice before I was saved. Then I helped saving earth from being swallowed into a black hole by being part of a suicide mission before we were saved in the last second and then were almost swallowed by the black hole we created... So I hope you can forgive me if I don’t want to talk about ‘my adventure’ right now…” that helped and her classmates left her alone. But the real shock came when the lesson started. Nine seats were empty. The seats of nine cadets who had been on the other space ships that were destroyed by Nero. Suddenly she felt more hatred towards the Romulan and felt tears in her eyes. Her thoughts drifted off quite a lot during the lesson and she got two rebukes from the professor

“Oh, hey Wiley” someone called after they left the classroom. She sighed when she recognized Oliver, one of her worst bullies. “Looks like someone was naughty and is about to get punished” he shoved her “Suddenly your lover isn’t happy with you anymore” she moved away from him

“You’re just jealous that I’m better at diplomacy. But if I see you talking to a fellow cadet like this…. I can understand why you’re failing this class. Maybe you should get some… special tutoring if you know what I mean” she grinned as she turned around

“Oh yeah? If this was about failing you should get into closer contact with Professor pointy-ear”

“That sounds like a good idea” she replied coolly. “I should ask him” then she walked away, pretty surprised that she only felt annoyance at the suggestion.

Her problems increased in exobiology. She quickly discovered that she wasn’t able to finish the essay they were given last week and got a reprimand.

“Now, I want you to write me an extra essay for next week on the biological similarities and differences between Romulans and Vulcans” she started laughing.

“I can already give you my conclusion now: To sum it all up, the situation can be seen similar to different human species. While the Romulans stayed on the primitive basis of the Neanderthals, Vulcans have developed to Homo sapiens. And for all I know you set up an essay to get a conclusion, isn’t that right? Besides, I have been captured by Romulans only two days ago, so yeah… I guess I know more about them than the rest of the class and can’t be objective towards them. That’s also the reason I couldn’t finish my essay”

“Then it should be no problem for you to write that essay and present it to your fellow cadets. And I must warn you, Cadet Wiley, next time you will watch your tone” she looked down.

“Of course, I’m sorry, Professor” luckily he left and started talking about the contents of their lesson; the Romulan anatomy. At the end of the class she was pretty pleased with herself and her contribution to the lesson; now her whole class knew of the weakness in Romulans’ ears. As it seemed not even the professor knew of this what made her even prouder. On her way to the next lesson she was asked questions again, this time her classmates seemed to be in awe and probably had realized that the mission had not really been a picnic. Much to her surprise, Spock wasn’t in the classroom when she entered. Instead there was a professor she had only seen once or twice before.

“Professor Spock is tied up with business matters from the mission at Vulcan a few days ago” they were told.

“Tied up with business my ass” Oliver muttered “I bet he’s crying in a corner because his planet’s gone. No wait, he probably doesn’t even care”

“Take that back!” Carissa growled “What would you do if Earth was destroyed, huh? Besides, it was his doing that nothing happened to you”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, I have seen it with my own eyes”

“I thought you were captured by Romulans at that time”

“No, then I was already gone and helped them destroy the drill”

“You helped? Don’t make me laugh. You can’t even finish your homework properly, let alone save a planet”

“You know what? I wish that drill had hit you. Well, maybe it has, because I doubt you can be that stupid by nature”

“Cadet Wiley” she heard the professor’s voice “Is there something you would like to share with us?”

“I uh… Oliver Moore was making mean comments and jokes about the end of Vulcan and I told him that this is no laughing matter”

“That’s not what happened, uncle. Okay, I made a comment about the end of Vulcan but it only was a fact, not a joke or what she claimed. She overreacted and was the one who was mean to me and told me she wished I was dead”

“Is that true, Cadet Wiley?”

“No, I didn’t say I wish he died”

“You said you wanted that drill to hit me”

“Yes, that it knocked you out. Not killed you, besides that was just an expression of anger when you called me a liar”

“That is enough, Cadet Wiley, I demand to speak you after the lesson” she sighed. The lesson was bad but the talk afterwards was worse and left her in tears. She had the feeling that she was treated incorrectly and that the substitute teacher was biased because Oliver was his nephew as she had to find out.

All the stress and bad things that happened during the day only faded away when she noticed a message from her boyfriend on her PADD. He wished to see her in his office after dinner. Somehow she had the feeling this didn’t mean anything good. Nevertheless, she was looking forward to it and quickly ate dinner. Before she knocked at his door, she took a deep breath.

“Come in” carefully she opened the door and saw how he got up from his desk. Quickly, she closed the door and approached him, cupping his face

“Hey” his hands took hold of her wrists. “I heard you were busy today?” although she wanted to ask him how he was doing but she knew him well enough to know that she wouldn’t get an answer she wanted to hear.

“Yes, I had much work to take care of. What about you? How are your injuries doing?”

“Better. The medicine helped but I should go to the sickbay again tomorrow so that they can make sure everything’s alright again. As for my day… well” she started telling him of all the rebukes she had gotten in the morning, more than she had in all her time at the academy before.

“What is troubling you?”

“I just started to wonder if everything that happened in the past days has changed me too much”

“I doubt that it will have a permanent negative effect on your career if that is what you are afraid of. This presumably is merely the aftermath of the incidents, it is only natural that you are feeling different now”

“Yeah. I guess if I’m getting used to this again, everything will be normal again. A-and what about you? I mean… with everything that has happened… is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, there is not. In fact, no one can do anything against it. It has happened and I have to accept that” she nodded

“If you do need me anyways… I am here, okay?” she gently stroked his cheek with her thumb.

“I doubt that I will have to accept your offer but I do appreciate your willingness to help”

“It’s self-evidently” she replied as she stood on her tiptoes to peck his lips. To her dismay he quickly pulled away but a part of her understood. He obviously needed time “You mentioned that you had something to tell me?” she said, deciding to chance the topic. He nodded and offered her a seat

“After careful consideration I have made the decision to leave the Academy and join the crew of the Enterprise instead.”

“Oh. When… when will you be leaving?”

“They have not set a date yet, but it will take at least two months to repair the ship”

“So you will continue teaching in this time?”

“Affirmative” she nodded

“Well you being gone will take the only pleasant part of the class away…” she chuckled “Just-just promise that you will come back as often as you can. I-I mean don’t feel obliged to actually see me but just… I don’t know… let me know how you’re doing”

“Carissa, there is something else I need to tell you” she absolutely did not like his tone. She knew that she wouldn’t like what he was about to say.

“What is wrong?”

“There is nothing wrong. But I believe it is better if we ended our relationship”

“What?” she shrieked. “Why? Did… did I do something wrong? What?”

“No, it has nothing to do with your behavior at all. This is about me”

“Bu-but why? If you need time, that’s okay. I mean… I can stay away from you a little until you are feeling better if that is what you want”

“This is not what I meant either”

“Then what?” she only hoped he wouldn’t tell her that he didn’t love her anymore.

“I am not good for you”

“Nonsense!” he shook his head

“I have told you many times that I cannot give you what a fellow member of your species can give you”

“And every time I told you that I don’t care. I told you that I was glad you’re that unobtrusive because my ex was too pushy. You know I don’t mind that you have your own way to show affection”

“You may not care now. But as time passes you will want more and I am not sure to what extent I can comply with your wishes”

“We’ll find a solution. And if not, we can talk about breaking up then. But what is wrong now? Do-don’t you want me anymore?”

“Of course I do, Carissa, but…”

“Then tell me why! Because I don’t see a reason which means you’re being illogical, Spock” she crossed her arms

“I am not and once I have told you the facts that made me come to the conclusion you will be able to understand”

“I doubt that but go on” she murmured.

“When I was giving Admiral Marcus my mission report, I have made the observation that I was the reason for your capture.”

“If you’re trying to say that it is your fault that Nero was angry with you I can tell you that it wasn’t. It isn’t even your future self’s fault. He did everything he could and no one could have known Nero would want revenge”

“That is a conclusion I have made as well. However, it was my doing that you were on the bridge of the Enterprise, which made it possible for Nero to recognize and entrap you”

“Yeah but let’s not forget that you initially planned to leave me behind because you didn’t want me to get hurt. You only complied because I insisted and was supported by Pike”

“Yet, assigning you to the bridge was not the most logical thing to do, as seen by Starfleet standards. It made more sense from my point of view since I was hoping to be able to have an eye on you during the mission. Now I realized that I should not have done this because I have come to the realization that my decision was not solely based on logic”

“So that’s why? Because I make you show emotions and think illogically? Do you fear anyone could notice you’re… I don’t know affected by something primitive like emotions?”

“No, after all you have made the discovery that I can act as if there is nothing between us”

“Fine, then you’re fed up with pretending to not be with me…”

“Carissa, I would appreciate it if you stopped jumping to such conclusions and would listen to me instead”

“Then tell me” she got up and glared at him.

“The chance of you getting into difficulties because of me is higher than I have thought. Of course, I have never calculated the possibility before but its result was not pleasant”

“In other words, you fear I could get hurt because of you?”

“Not only getting hurt as both of us will have to expect severe consequences if our relationship is discovered”

“Wow, you used the first conditional… you think the chances someone finds out the truth is that high?”

“Yes, after all I had to tell Admiral Marcus about our relationship when he inquired the reason for Nero’s interest in you. Besides, Cadet Kirk knows about us as well and one day, he will let something slip”

“Oh come on, the Admiral won’t do anything about it, I mean... he didn’t tell you to end things, did he?”

“He did not. However, he did remind me to not forget that you are still my cadet in class”

“See. He’s fine with it. And what concerns James Kirk, we can still claim he’s jealous and spreading rumors because of it”

“Carissa, you know of my natural aversion to lying”

“Fine, then I tell them the thing with rumors and you can say that you have not realized he could be jealous but that you could understand a human doing this out of jealousy… That isn’t a lie. And you can claim that nothing inappropriate has happened between the two of us which is the truth as well”

“You are distracting attention from the fact that there are more reasons speaking against our relationship”

“Hate to break it to you but relationships rarely got anything to do with logic. They’re purely emotional. But fine, if that’s what’s bothering you, have it your way” she turned away from him “I don’t understand your decision and I don’t like it. But in contrast to you I accept your decisions” she walked towards the door and cut him off when he tried to speak again “Save your breath. I’ve heard enough. I’m your weak point, I’m what makes you show emotion and you don’t want that” she turned back to him with tears in her eyes “I hope you’re happy now. No, wait, I hope you’re not happy, because you don’t want to feel at all. I hope you’re not feeling anything. That’s what you wanted, right?” without another word she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

-

Next Chapter

[make-me-imagine]

Hollow

Sensory Prompts: ‘Hands gripping your clothes during a hug’ + ‘Hollow feeling in your chest when you are sad’

Requested by: Anonymous

Pairing: Jim Kirk x GN!Reader      

Triggers: Mentions of Death/Family Member death (cousin). 

*Angst + a Little Comfort. 

Request sensory prompts from here

**Jims POV**

He had noticed something was off for the last few days. You weren’t around as often. And when you were around you weren’t our usual self. There was something in your eyes and general demeanor that made it seem like you were hurting. He talked to the others as well, Uhura was just as worried, Spock noticed but said nothing, Scotty hadn’t noticed but became worried when the topic was brought up. And Bones suggested that you were sick. Jim wanted to talk to you about it but the last few days had been so hectic for him he never got the chance. Not until now.

Which is why he was making his way down the ships corridors towards your room. You were off your shift by now so he was hoping to catch you before you went to dinner. If you were even going too. He only saw you around at dinner once over the last few days. He began to wonder how much you had been eating. Worry bean to fill his gut again. He had grown very fond of you. The two of you were very close. Sometimes he thought you were more than friends, but he pulled himself away often, never wanted you to get hurt.

Maybe if he hadn’t pulled himself away, and instead encouraged your relationship, you would tell him what was wrong with you. Rather than hiding away in your quarters alone.

**Your POV**

The news hit you suddenly. It was the last thing you expected. I mean, you lived out in space, every ship got into battles or other dangerous situations. People died. But never people you knew. It kept you almost disconnected from death. Because it was never you or someone you loved. You were never really afraid that you would die up here. Not until now.

Your cousin, your best friend. You grew up together, you knew everything about one another. Being assigned on different ships during your missions never stopped you from finding ways to talk. He was like a brother to you. 

And now he was gone.

At first you got worried when he didn’t send you any messages over the course of a day, but you tried not to worry. It happened. Sometimes either of you got too caught up in work or went on a mission. But when he didn’t send you a message or respond after a few days, you really began to worry.

But then you got a message from his Captain. The second that message reached you, you knew it was bad before you listened to it. 

~Y/N L/N, I am Captain Bergard of the USS Valient. This message is a very hard one to send.... Patrick was a great officer and I can gladly say, a friend of mine. He talked of you often to me and the others on the crew. I thought of sending you a message earlier but I decided I should wait until I had news. Unfortunately, this is not the news I was hoping to inform you of....seventy-four hours ago our ship was attacked by a fleet of hostile aliens. In our retreat, there was serious damage. Patrick was down in engineering when the hostiles took fire. There was an explosion....after we escaped I found out that Patrick, among others, had been found alive but seriously injured. He was taken to the med-bay immediately, but....I’m sorry to say that though we have great medical technology, his injuries were too severe. And as of four hours ago, he died....I am sorry I have to send you this message. I have already informed his parents of the tragedy that occurred, but I wanted to send you a message myself, as I knew how close the two of you were. I do hope our paths cross in the future, I know Patrick would have liked that, and I wish you well on your mission among the Enterprise crew...Goodbye Lieutenant...and good luck.~

After you had heard the message you couldn’t process the fact that he was gone. You had so many plans, to meet after your next mission was over, to do so many things together. But now you would never get the chance. 

It had been almost three days since you found out, and you knew that people noticed you had changed. But no one asked. You figured people didn’t want to bother you. You didn’t mind too much. Part of you wanted to talk about it, but the other part was too afraid. As if talking about it made it real, as if he was still alive, and the second you would say he was dead, that’s when he really would be. 

So you worked, and you slept. Patrick was constantly on your mind. It broke your heart, and you weren’t sure what to do. Crying didn’t seem to help, though you did enough of it. You were surprised your eyes hadn’t completely dried up by now. 

You thought of telling Jim. He and Patrick had met the day you left on your mission. They got along and Patrick often teased you, having said you and the Captain would make a good couple. Jim knew so many stories about the two of you. Maybe he could help you. But he was so busy recently, you didn’t want to add onto his troubles. When he was around you tried to put on your best work-face. To make it seem like you were okay. You didn’t think it worked, you often saw him glance at you out of the corner of his eye.

You sat at your desk, your mind not really focusing on just one thing. The thought of getting food made it’s way into your thoughts, but quickly left. You hadn’t eaten much in recent days. But you didn’t feel hungry. The last few days had been hard on your body. But as you sat at your desk, your chest felt empty. You felt hollow, as if there was nothing left in your body, as if you were just a shell. 

As you stared at the wall, body still, you flinched at the sound of someone at your door. Remaining still for a moment you decided it was best to answer. It could be important. You rose slowly, not nearly as excited or curious as you used to be when someone came to see you. 

**Jims POV**

Before he knew it, he was in front of your door. Taking a deep breath he pressed the button to announce his presence. Most times before the door would slide open fairly quickly, as if you immediately bounded to the door. You would always be there with a curious yet happy face, ready to greet whoever it would be at your door. The smile on your face always stuck in his memory, and it seemed to startle him every time.

But this time your door didn’t open immediately, it took a few moments before Jim wondered if you were there at all. But as soon as his doubt rose, the door slip open. For some reason it seemed to move slower, as if it could sense your lack of energy. As your face appeared it wasn’t glowing in a smile, your eyes weren’t sparkling. Your face was straight, emotionless.

“Captain” your voice came out almost monotone, a faint sense of curiosity present, as if you were unsure why he was there.

Jim was taken aback. From afar he could tell that something was off, but up close, it almost broke his heart. Your eyes were tired, your body sluggish, as if you barely had the energy to stand. Not to mention the fact that you almost never called him Captain. You hadn’t called him Captain since your relationship grew from friends, to well...whatever it was now. Not a couple, but not just friends either. But now, it was as if you were distancing yourself entirely.

“Can I come in?” 

**Your POV*

He didn’t even greet you, his voice was low, cautious, and the worry on his face was evident. You nodded, moving aside for him to come in. You watched as he took a few steps in. The door slid closed and he rubbed the back of his head before turning to face you. You saw him study you and you wondered just how bad you looked.

“Do you need something Captain?”

“Yeah” he paused “I need to know what’s wrong with you” he saw the hesitation on your face so he continued “I’m sorry I haven’t come sooner, but... I know that something is off Y/n. You haven’t been around, you haven’t talked to anyone, I don’t even know if you’ve eaten. Everyone’s worried Y/n....I’m worried”

“Uh...yeah, I know, I wanted to talk to you about it but...you’ve been so busy I didn’t want to bother you”

A pained look crossed his face as he took a step closer, his arms rose up and he gently grabbed the sides of your arms as he looked into your eyes “Y/n, you know you can come to me with anything, even in the middle of the night. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

He saw a brief twist of pain cross your face before you sighed. You avoided his gaze as you began “It’s Patrick” you paused, looking up into his eyes, he could see how hurt you were “He’s dead”

Shock crossed Jim’s face “What?” He saw tears build up in your eyes “When, what happened?” 

You sniffled “The Valient was attacked and he died from his injuries after an explosion in engineering”

Jim felt tightness in his chest. He knew how close the two of you were, Jim had even talked to Patrick on multiple occasions. Not knowing what to say Jim pulled you towards him.

The second you felt his arms wrap around you and his your face pressed against his chest you felt tears spring from your eyes. The pain you thought you had gotten past built up in your chest. Your hands closed in fists, the fabric of Jim’s uniform clasped in your fingers as his grip tightened around you. His hand ran over the back of your head, fingers through you hair.

“I’m so sorry Y/n I can’t imagine what you must be feeling” he paused for a moment as he pulled away, looking into your eyes again, his thumb brushed across your face, wiping away the tears “Why did you stay so silent?” his voice was gentle “Why did you grieve alone?”

You sniffed again as you pulled away from him. You walked past him and sat on your bed, he followed, his eyes watching you closely “I think...I was too afraid to acknowledge that he was gone. I didn’t want him to be dead. I don’t want him to be dead Jim” a small sob escaped your mouth as Jim immediately knelt down and wrapped his arms around you “I’m so stupid for thinking that something like this could happen to someone I love.” You said with pain filling your voice as you rested your cheek against his shoulder. 

You could feel Jim sigh as he pressed his forehead to the side of your head, his voice quiet in your ear. “You’re not stupid Y/n, no one ever wants or thinks it will happen to them. And you have every right to be sad, or angry that it did.”

You breathed out wiping the tears from your eyes “I’m not angry...I’m scared”

“Why?”

“I was never afraid of dying until now.”

There was a moment of silence as Jim processed your words. Many of his crew had died during their missions and battles. But just like you, it was never anyone he was very close with. He imagined for a moment if you had died, and felt fear grip him. Pushing the thought away he ran his hand through your hair again, continuing to comfort you “I won’t let you die Y/n, not out here, not while I’m Captain.”

The certainty in his voice comforted you. Both of you knew that there was a chance he couldn’t save you if needed. But knowing that he would try his hardest lessened your fears.

You let out a small sigh leaning into him a bit further, as he tightened his grip around you “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you.”

“It’s alright...but I need you to know that you can.”

“I know I can...thank you Jim.”

He pressed a kiss to the side of your head “Anytime” after a few moments he spoke again “When was the last time you ate?”

You thought to yourself for a moment “Yesterday, I think.”

He moved to stand, grabbing your hand in his “Lets go get something to eat, and if you want, if you are ready, we can talk to the others. They’re worried too.”

Thinking for a moment you glanced over at picture of you and Patrick on your desk. Nodding you stood up, following Jim our of your quarters. As you walked down the halls you felt yourself begin to feel again. You would grieve forever for Patrick, but you could feel the pain of his death fading. And you knew that somehow he would be watching over you, and you knew that if he were here right now, he would be teasing you about Jim still holding your hand.

xx

*Re-read and edited on Aug 15 2021

[v-thinks-on]

We Know That We Need, But Not What - Part 6

First | Previous | Epilogue

“Gentlemen!” Admiral Kirk exclaimed at last, nearing the end of his rope.

Once all the formalities were over, the admiral, the captains of all four ships that had been called to the Romulan Neutral Zone, and Commander Spock, had gathered in the Enterprise’s conference room to discuss their plan of action, but so far all they had done was shout among themselves.

Only when the room had fallen silent did Kirk amend his call to order to encompass all who were present - his first officer aside - “Captains.” Then he began the meeting proper - “In the wake of the V’Ger incident, the Romulans have launched a silent invasion, we believe in an attempt to move the border of the Neutral Zone in their favor. We’ve discovered three Romulan outposts in Federation territory and suspect they’re being defended by at least six, if not seven cloaked Birds of Prey.”

Kirk allowed the captains a moment to take it in, but did not give them a chance to argue before he continued, “They think we’ve been weakened enough that we’ll just let them get away with it. We have to hit them hard and fast - let them know we’re still around and won’t give up without a fight.”

“You’re going to start a war!” Captain Ramirez exclaimed. He was an old man who had been on friendly terms with Kirk once, though he hadn’t taken too well to the admiral’s early promotion.

Before Kirk could argue, Spock retorted, “If we do not act, war is inevitable. The Romulans will attack at any sign of weakness, therefore, we must show no such weakness.”

Kirk motioned for silence and Spock complied, though he looked none too pleased with it. Kirk turned back to face Captain Ramirez. “Mr. Spock is right, the Romulans will only enter a fight they know they can win. If we shut them down now, they’ll know better than to push farther in the future. We have enough ships to destroy all of their outposts simultaneously. The Endeavor will destroy the outpost on Arctus VI, the Stargazer will take Iona I, the Republic will take Vecton IIX, and the Enterprise and the Valiant will destroy their key outpost on Gallia III. If you’re attacked, engnage and signal the rest of us to convene on your location.”

“It’s too dangerous!” Captain Hakim - the youngest captain present - exclaimed. “If they call reinforcements we’ll all be done for.”

“We need a larger fleet,” Captain Luo insisted, “Then we can face them outright.”

“We don’t have a larger fleet,” Kirk snapped. “I’m sorry, but you’re all I’ve got.”

“And why is the Valiant assigned to work directly with the Enterprise?” Captain Johnson demanded, clearly affronted by the perceived suggestion that he required supervision.

“What we really need to do is open up talks with the Romulans,” Captain Ramirez cut in.

“We can’t face them directly” - Captain Hakim pounded her fist on the table for emphasis. “We have to be discreet like the Romulans.”

“We don’t have a choice!” Admiral Kirk forced himself to his feet to reclaim control of the meeting. “We have to show the Romulans our strength and we have to do it now.”

Captain Luo stood to challenge him. “I tell you, we’re not strong enough! We need reinforcements from Starfleet.”

“We need to disable their ships, then we can worry about the outposts,” Captain Johnson argued, on his feet as well - and the others followed him.

The admiral could feel a tension headache coming on. Finally he snapped, “Those are your orders! You’re all dismissed!”

The room erupted into shouting, but Kirk just turned and left, motioning for Spock to follow. To his relief, his First Officer complied. They walked to Kirk’s quarters in silence.

Only when the door closed behind them, did Kirk let out a long, deep breath. For a moment, he just stood there, rubbing at his forehead. Thankfully, Spock seemed to know better than to comment.

Finally, he said, “Kirk to bridge - when the captains arrive at their ships, tell them to stand by and await further orders. Twenty four hours should be enough. I want everyone fresh and ready for combat by then.”

“Understood,” Uhura replied. If she had any inkling of what had happened, she kept it to herself.

“Kirk out.”

Only after the intercom gave way to silence did Spock remark, “Forgive me if I do not see the strengths of your human philosophy after such a demonstration.”

Kirk turned to glare at him, but it did not last. He glanced away with a shake of his head, and then met Spock’s eyes again. “Even I don’t have the ego to say I’ve ever given a good demonstration of humanity’s strengths.”

Spock gave him a skeptical look.

“Even when I was at my best, I was just trying to live up to your Vulcan standards. I don’t think anyone is good enough to demonstrate the value of being human.” Kirk hesitated before taking the plunge, “And if that’s what it’ll take for you to stay, I can tell you right now we don’t have a chance.”

“Captain,” Spock protested, though his voice quickly turned strident, “I merely intended to remark on the merits of human philosophy, not on your quality as a partner.”

Kirk sighed. “Spock, I can’t be your example of humanity. I wish I could, but it’s just not possible; no one can. I’ll never live up to your standards.”

“I am aware that no one can be perfect,” Spock replied, almost impatient. “How do you expect me to evaluate the merits of human philosophy without observing its outcomes?”

“It isn’t adhering to a philosophy that makes you human.” Kirk gave an emphatic wave of his arm for emphasis. “There isn’t a single ‘human philosophy.’” He hesitated. “Spock, you can act like a Vulcan all you want, it doesn’t matter to me, but you are half human whether you ‘act like one’ or not,” he said as gently as he could.

“I am aware,” Spock replied, his voice sharp.

Kirk let out a long sigh. “Spock, I’m sorry I haven’t been myself lately - for a while now. But don’t let that ruin your view of your own humanity, especially not when you can set a pretty good example yourself.”

Spock raised his eyebrows is obvious skepticism, but he seemed to consider Kirk’s point. At last he acknowledged, “Perhaps you are also owed an apology. I should not be so hasty to judge your behavior when I am not setting an impeccable example.”

Kirk nodded in understanding. He watched Spock, almost waiting for him to say something more. Instead, Spock observed Kirk in return, no doubt evaluating him.

Finally, Kirk forced his attention back to the matter at hand. “We have a plan to salvage. What were all the captains’ complaints?”

Spock rattled them off with Vulcan precision, which Kirk could have done without, but the point was clear - with only five ships against six or seven Birds of Prey, they didn’t have a chance in a straight fight.

After a moment’s thought, Kirk remarked, “Spock, could you rig something up that would look like a cloaked ship on the Romulans’ sensors?”

“Yes, I believe so,” Spock replied.

 "Is everyone in position?" Kirk asked without as much as glancing away from the helm.

"We're receiving a transmission from the Stargazer," Uhura reported. "They've spotted a Romulan vessel and are taking evasive action."

"Good, send acknowledgment and signal the others to standby. We want the strike to be as simultaneous as we can make it," Kirk ordered. He turned to look over his shoulder at the science station. "Spock, do you detect anything in the area?"

“Negative, sir,” Spock replied. “If I detect anything, I will inform you without delay,” he reassured Kirk with a touch of irony.

Kirk grinned, perhaps a little sheepishly, and turned back to face the viewscreen ahead. “Any word from the others?” He asked.

“All clear,” Uhura said. “Republic requesting permission to proceed.”

Kirk frowned - he knew he was pushing his luck. “Have them hold on just a little longer. Status of the Stargazer?”

Uhura shook her head. “Last word was evasive action.”

Kirk tossed the options back and forth in his mind, arguing this way and that, but he knew they didn’t have the time to waste. They were working on borrowed time already, practically waiting for the Romulans to find them. It was either attack or pull out and try again. Finally, he said, “Tell the Stargazer to use one of the decoys to lead the Romulans away from the outpost, we’ll come in and attack while they’re distracted.”

“Captain,” Spock interjected, “With all due respect, the Valiant is smaller and faster than the Enterprise and therefore better suited to this task.”

Kirk pursed his lips, but answered with a nod. “Right you are Mr. Spock.” He turned to Uhura - “I want the Valiant to get to Iona I as fast as they can and get in position. Do everything they can to stay out of sight unless the Stargazer is directly under attack.”

“Orders acknowledged,” Uhura reported.

“Mr. Sulu, get us into position to fire,” Kirk ordered,.

A tense silence settled over the bridge as they rounded on the planet. It was by all appearances barren, with no evidence of sentient life on its surface, but if they aimed their sensors at the horizon just right, they could detect some disturbance indicative of a cloaking device. They just had to wait a little longer...

Kirk kept glancing over his shoulder at Spock, who sat unperturbed at the science station, his intense gaze fixed upon the sensors. He was sorely tempted to ask yet again if Spock detected anything, but knew better - if anything so much as sneezed within their sensor range, he wouldn’t need to ask.

As though he could sense the captain watching him, Spock finally turned around just long enough to meet Kirk’s eyes and convey his pointed disbelief - a silent suggestion that perhaps the captain ought to have better things to do than watch his first officer work.

Kirk couldn’t help but give him half a smile in response.

Their gaze held for just a moment too long, as though they were each waiting for the other to look away.

Spock deliberately returned to his duties, and Kirk hastily returned his attention to the front.

“Word from the Valiant?” Kirk asked.

“The Stargazer has successfully led the Bird of Prey away from Iona I. The Valiant is entering the system now,” Uhura replied. “Another request from the Republic to proceed.”

“On my signal,” Kirk said, a hand raised to tell them to wait, though no one was looking at him. “As soon as the outpost is destroyed, get out of there at full speed.”

“Acknowledged,” Uhura said, with a hint of impatience.

Kirk met Chekov’s eyes for an instant before he declared, “Now!”

A bright green beam burst from the Enterprise’s forward blasters and hit the planet’s surface, creating a plume of smoke. It swept across the ground until, at last, Kirk raised a hand to signal it to stop.

As the smoke cleared, it revealed the ruins of a small outpost.

“Mr. Sulu” - Kirk didn’t even have to complete the order.

“On it, sir,” Sulu replied, and took the Enterprise out of orbit. They fled out into open space before the Romulans were any the wiser.

Kirk glanced over his shoulder to share a grin with Spock, who was watching him with faint bemusement.

“The word from the others?” Kirk asked.

“Success,” Uhura announced with a smile. But before the rest of the bridge could cheer their victory, her face fell and she held a hand up to her ear to better hear the incoming transmission. “Word from the Endeavor, they’ve been spotted by a Romulan Bird of Prey and have no choice but to fight.”

“We are the nearest Federation ship to their location,” Spock remarked.

Kirk nodded in agreement. “We’re on our way. Tell the others to get there as fast as they can, but stay out of sight when they arrive.” He turned to Spock - “We need to scare them off, and fast. If we show up, they’ll just call for backup if they haven’t already, and we can’t win in a head to head fight.”

“An entire fleet is at your disposal,” Spock replied with a trace of a smile.

“Good,” Kirk said. “We just need to make them think we’re invisible too...” He abruptly turned to face Uhura - “Tell the Endeavor to lead them into a star system if they can - it doesn’t matter which as long as it’s uninhabited.”

“They’ll try,” Uhura said after a moment’s pause.

Kirk turned back to the helm. “Get us there as fast as she’ll go, but slow down just before we’re in visual range. Mr. Spock, as soon as we’re in sensor range, turn on the ‘fleet’ and calculate the trajectory we need to stay out of their line of sight.”

When the Enterprise entered the star system, they found the Endeavor in distress, surrounded by two Romulan vessels.

Throwing his planned cautious approach to the wind, Kirk declared, “Spock, turn on the ‘fleet,’ attack formation. Tell the Endeavor to retreat as soon as it gets the chance.”

The Enterprise charged past the Birds of Prey at warp, blasting them with phasers and a wave of photon torpedoes as it passed. Before they could turn to return fire, the Enterprise darted behind a bright blue gas giant.

“Romulan vessels closing,” Mr. Spock reported.

“Try to use our ‘fleet’ to distract them,” Kirk ordered. “Mr. Sulu, Mr. Chekov, let’s give them another run.”

As their invisible entourage shifted around them, The Enterprise darted out from beneath the planet and blasted past the Romulan vessels in a barrage of phaser fire, before it slipped back behind another planet.

“Mr. Spock, cover us,” Kirk said as they waited just out of sight.

A burst of phaser fire flew below the Enterprise, passing through where it had been just moments before. Another followed shortly after.

But neither Bird of Prey came into view.

“Romulan vessels closing on the Endeavor,” Spock reported.

“Again,” Kirk declared.

Again, the Enterprise bolted out of hiding, blasting the Romulans as it passed on its way to another shelter. The Romulans fired after it, but it seemed the invisible ships were enough to distract them.

Kirk was about to order another attack when Uhura spoke up from communications, “Captain, the Valiant and the Stargazer are entering the star system.”

“Tell them to keep out of sight, but to attack if they see an opening,” Kirk replied. To the others, he said, “Let’s give them that opening.”

As the Enterprise charged past the Romulans, another phaser blast came from just below a nearby planet. Spock identified it as the Endeavor just before it retreated back behind the planet.

Once the Enterprise was likewise sheltered behind yet another planet, Uhura reported, “Receiving a transmission from the Valiant.”

“Put them on,” Kirk said.

Captain Johnson appeared on the viewscreen, seated in the center of a bridge that almost mirrored the Enterprise’s. “I request control of the simulated ships.”

“Why?” Kirk demanded, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Bluntly, you’re not doing anything with them,” Captain Johnson replied, torn between defiance and discomfort.

“And you have an idea of how to handle them better?” Kirk insisted.

“Yes,” Captain Johnson exclaimed.

Kirk frowned. He glanced back at Spock as though his first officer might hold the answers, but Spock’s face remained impassive as ever, as though watching Kirk to see what he would do.

Finally, Kirk nodded and said, “Then they’re yours. Commander Uhura, tell the others to inform the Valiant when they plan to attack.”

“Thank you, Admiral,” Captain Johnson said and signed off.

“Another hit!” Mr. Chekov announced as their view of the inside of the Valiant was replaced by the planet ahead. “The Romulan vessels’ systems are faltering. They won’t last much longer now.”

“Shall we do the honors,” Kirk suggested.

The Enterprise charged out at the Romulan Birds of Prey once more.

“Another Romulan-” Spock began to say, when the ship shook from the impact of a phaser blast from behind.

“Get us out of sight as fast as you can,” Kirk ordered.

“They hit the warp engines,” Uhura reported. “Severe injuries, but no casualties.”

The Enterprise shook from another blast just as they slipped behind the nearest planet.

“Damage reports?” Kirk asked. “Spock, are they still on our tail?”

Spock was the first to reply, “Negative, Captain.”

“Sir, it’s the Republic!” Uhura exclaimed with a grin, “They caught the Romulans from behind!”

“What’s the word on the engines? Are we up for one more attack?” Kirk asked.

“I think so, sir,” Uhura replied.

“Tell all the captains to attack on my signal,” Kirk said.

“They’re all standing by, sir,” Uhura said.

“Now!” Kirk declared.

The Enterprise dropped just below the planet, so they could see the Romulan Birds of Prey on the viewscreen, huddled together as though surrounded by invisible ships. A barrage of phaser fire came from all angles - the Enterprise only one of a small fleet.

And then the Federation ships vanished back behind the planets to prepare for the next round.

“Open a broadcast channel, code 2,” Kirk ordered.

“Ready, sir,” Uhura said.

“Let them go,” Kirk said, and then signalled her to close the channel with a sharp wave.

Almost immediately, she spoke up again, “Receiving a transmission from the Republic.”

Kirk nodded and the view of the planet was replaced with Captain Luo, sitting on the bridge.

“Admiral, with all due respect,” Captain Luo protested, “We can’t let them go now! You know the Romulans, that’ll be a sign of weakness as sure as surrendering!”

Kirk tensed for a fight, but the real battle was already over. He let out a long, steady breath and answered, “I don’t want to destroy them if we don’t have to. And this way they can go back and tell their Empire how strong the Federation is - make it clear it wasn’t just some fluke.” He smiled a little - “We went through all that effort to put on a good show, it would be a shame for it to go to waste.”

Captain Luo frowned. “And what if they discover it was all a show?”

Kirk nodded in understanding. “It’s a risk, but that could happen whether we destroy them or not; there are still more Romulan ships in the sector. Hopefully, this way we’ll scare them all out in one go, and next time they’ll think twice before attacking us again - and if not, at least next time the rest of the fleet might not be so busy with the Klingons.”

Captain Luo didn’t look entirely convinced, but replied, “Understood,” and signed off all the same.

Kirk let out a breath of relief as the viewscreen darkened, showing the planet in front of them once more.

“Captain,” Spock reported, “The Romulans are retreating.”

“Good,” Kirk said, a smile spreading across his face, “Convey my congratulations to our fleet.” He glanced around the bridge - “This crew especially has performed outstandingly on a less than ideal mission. Thank you, everyone. She may look a little different, but the Enterprise is still the best ship in the fleet.”

A cheer went around the bridge.

As everyone else stood and chattered away to let off the steam of a stressful battle, Kirk ordered Mr. Sulu, “Get us to the nearest starbase.”

Finally, his duty done for the time being, Kirk stretched his arms over his head. He forced himself to his feet and was drawn, perhaps inexorably, to the science station, where Spock sat, still pouring over sensor readings.

“Any sign of the other Romulan ships?” Kirk asked, a casual hand on the back of Spock’s chair.

“Negative,” Spock replied, finally glancing up from his work. He quirked an eyebrow at Kirk.

Kirk smiled at the familiar expression. “We’ll probably be waylaid at a Starbase for a few hours anyway, you might as well take a break while we can.”

“I would advise the same of you,” Spock remarked, though he made no move to take the advice.

They watched each other, as though waiting for the other to make the first move.

Finally, Kirk suggested, “Dinner?”

Spock obliged, pushing himself to his feet. His hand just barely brushed against Kirk’s.

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Lost in Translation

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: Lemon

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, possible smut down the line, FLUFF!!!

Summary:

    “Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.” 

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Special Thanks: wanted to give a huge shout out to my girl Katie, AKA @goingknowherewastaken for being a huge inspiration for this fic as well as for being a huge help (especially when it comes to putting up with my frantic ramblings lol) you're awesome boo <3

A/N: So this is a work in progress but it’s basically finished and I’ve been making great headway with this recently, so this will be the first fic I’ve ever finished! Woohoo!! And I'm thinking that I’ll probably stick to a Sunday post schedule.

    Also a little note for y’all to keep in mind while reading. I have tagged this fic “possible eventual smut” and that’s because right now I don’t have any planned buuuuut… I'm going to leave that option up to you guys! Between the readers here and AO3, if you're still with me by the end of this fic, leave a comment and let me know if you would be interested in an epilogue or end scene with smut. I’ll post a reminder at the end, but keep it in mind while reading.

    And if anyone is interested in being tagged for future posts for this fic or any others I may post, please let me know and I’ll add you to the list! Thanks for reading <3

AN: Sorry this is so late... I’ve had a shitty shitty weekend. But now it’s up and I cant wait to see what you guys think of this one!

SO MUCH FLUFF IN THIS CHAPTER! SO MUCH FLUFF!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 6

“Damn it kid, look what you do to me.”

    Leonard ran his thumb gently across the back of the hand he was still holding. He remembered waking up that day in the sickbay, he remembered his conversation with Uhora, remembered the feeling of acceptance that washed over him but also the fear of possibly never being able to admit that to the person who actually mattered.

    He looked over to Jim still unconscious in the bed, as lifeless as he had been when he was being rushed through the sickbay after Spock had finally found him.

    “Jim,” he began, nervously, “kid… you gotta wake up. You heard the log, I’ve got a lot of things to say and I want to be able to say them to your face. I don’t even care if you don’t… if you don’t feel the same, I just need to say it. I need you to know the truth. I don’t want another chance lost on us like this Jim, I-”

    Tears clouded his vision and a lump filled his throat as he squeezed Jim's hand a little tighter. What were the words worth if Jim couldn’t even hear them?

    The padd in his lap prompted him with a new log, this one belonging to Jim again, and a shaking finger touched the screen allowing Jim's voice to fill the room.

    “Kirk’s log, stardate 2264.97. I buried them today Bones, all of them. I buried fourteen rookie cadets, kids, in the sand, on a planet we don’t even know, a planet that’s not even federation! Kids, Bones, they were all kids!” Leonard heard a muffled sound through the padd, he was sure it was a sob Jim was trying to cover, “I couldn’t just leave them lying there like that, it didn’t feel right. So… so I took a piece of metal from the wreckage and used it yesterday to dig out fourteen graves. The metal tore up my hands pretty bad but… a small price to pay for the indefinite price those cadets paid. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be found, but at least this way, whatever happens, I know I did my best to make sure those kids have some kind of peace. And if you do find me, Bones, or if somehow this comm makes its way back to you, will you let their parents know that I tried. I tried my best to keep them alive long enough but I just… I couldn’t do it. Not with the supplies I had, I just… god, Bones. Kids, they were all just kids…”

~~~~~~~~~~~

    After a full day of digging fourteen graves, Jim laid down for one last sleep in his battered shelter, surrounded by his fallen crew members. The next morning he woke with the sun and began finally laying his cadets to rest.

    He started with the first fallen, Trever, their pilot. Then moved on to the second, VooHook, then Amanda, and Kent. One by one he pulled their lifeless bodies into their far too early graves, with ripped apart hands and still limping on his injured knee, until all fourteen graves were filled. And one by one he filled in each and every one of them.

    When he was finished it was mid day and Jim stood panting before the graves in the blazing hot sun. He stared down at them, the fourteen bumps of freshly turned ground at his feet, and fell to his knees in a crying lump. “I'm sorry,” he choked out around the uncontrollable sobs, “I let you all down and I'm so sorry. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for this. You all deserved better then me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

    After Jim had said his goodbyes and cried until he couldn’t cry anymore, he gathered what little he could from the shelter, shoving it into the now empty medkit, and started making his way towards the lonely mountain.

    As he was walking he pulled out his comm and began talking, trying to keep his mind off of how far the mountain really was. “Kirks log, stardate 2264.97. I’ve started walking, Bones. I'm making my way towards the only other thing I can see besides desert, the single mountain. It’s definitely going to take me much longer then I was hoping with my injured knee, but I'm trying not to think about that so much.”

    Jim paused, continuing to limp towards the mountain as he thought back to better times. To his times in the academy after Pike had finally set him straight, and to think on it now Jim realized he had a lot more then his captaincy to thank his mentor for. He thought back on meeting Bones on that shuttle in Riverside, to the first time he laid eyes on that grumpy old doctor who seemed to worm his way right into his closed off little heart in the blink of an eye. To the ship, his ship, and the crew that came with it, his family. To the good times and the bad times, and the times he managed to drag Bones’s argumentative ass along on away missions, just so he could hear the doctors ever present negative outlook on whatever crazed idea Jim had come up with. In fact, now that he really thought about it, a lot of his memories involved Bones.

    “Hey, Bones,” he chimed, glossy eyed as he sunk back into the memory, “remember when we first met? You were hiding in the bathroom on the shuttle in Riverside. I was bruised and covered in blood after Pike just pulled my ass out of an epic whooping, and you were drunk off your ass and fighting with the attendant on the shuttle, rambling on about your aviophobia.” He scoffed as he continued, “You know, I’ll never get over the fact that a man as terrified of flying as you ever joined Starfleet to begin with… but I'm damn glad you did. And on the bright side, you never did throw up on me.”

    He chuckled at the thought. The entire flight to the academy was spent listening to the man beside him ramble on and on about everything and anything that could go wrong in space, sharing the flask the man had hidden in his jacket pocket, and praying that he wouldn’t end up with a lap full of the mans lunch by the end of it. But regardless of the fact that he was the most down trod man Jim had ever met besides himself, he couldn’t help but feel right away that they fit together better then any two beings in the entire universe. And he missed him so much right now.

    “Remember,” He laughed trying to remember the exact words, “remember what you said to me that day, Bones, how you described space. You said, “space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence,”” he did his best to imitate the mans gruffy southern accent and looked around him at the vast amount of nothing before him, “ain’t that the truth. But no matter how this ends, Bones, I want you to know that I am thankful for you. I'm thankful for everything that brought us together in the end. For your ex wife who took the whole damn planet in your divorce, for the flight attendant who forced you to sit next to me on the shuttle, for the rooming snafu that ignored your request for a single room and landed you with me as a roommate instead, for being suspended and having my pouty ass hypoed and snuck onto the Enterprise by you. I feel like every being in the universe was always trying to bring us together, Bones, and by some god damn miracle we finally managed it after all those years. I just hope… I hope it doesn’t end on this sour note. I hope we pull off another miracle and I can find my way back to you. We’ve got a lot to talk about that’s for sure.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Hey, Bones.” It had only been a few hours since his last log, but his injured knee was starting to ache even more with the walking and Jim needed some kind of distraction, “Remember first year, it was second term, and you were all riled up about passing the shuttle exam? And you killed me in the shuttle crash?! I know I never let you live it down but you have to admit it was pretty damn funny.” He trailed off, laughing at the memory of it. “It was when we were just starting to become really close, closer then we already were at the time. And despite the fact that you crashed our shuttle a bunch of times it’s a really great memory for me. When we were in that shuttle together, alone, just the two of us, it was the first time we really touched, we… we held hands for the first time. And when we were in there together, I thought for sure… Bones, I thought you were going to say something, I thought you were going to tell me that-” he sighed, still not quite able to say it yet, “but you didn’t. Anyways, I uh, I was just thinking about that memory. I hope you remember it, Bones.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Just ease the shuttle out of the port, Bones.”

    Jim sat beside Len, the two of them in their casual grey academy sweats and matching oversized hoodies, just the two of them after class hours. Len was in the pilots seat, hand wrapped around the control stick in a white knuckled grip as he did as Jim said, and tried to ease the shuttle out of the port. Jim gripped the arm of his chair as the shuttle stuttered out of port, past the few docked shuttles around them, and into open space.

    “Good,” he nodded, “a little shaky, but good. Now, accelerate forwards at a nice pace and head for the planet’s surface.”

    Len nodded without taking his eyes off the view screen, focused on his task while trying not to have a mental break down mid flight, like he had while his instructor was in the passenger seat a few days prior.

    The shuttle continued at its slow and not so steady pace, and Jim was sure the planet was actually getting further away from them instead of closer. “Speed up a bit grandma or else we’ll die of old age before we even get there.”

    Len's fingers gripped tighter around the control stick as he ground out around clenched teeth, “Jim, this is stressful enough as it is!

    “Easy there, Bones” Jim chuckled, “but you do need to go a little faster, we’re in open space, and stop shaking so much, everything’s fine.

    Len tried to take a steadying breath but what came out was more like a stutter. He chanced a glance down at his hand still clenched tightly around the control stick and noticed just how much he was shaking.

    He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “You know I hate flying, kid. It’s not as easy as you make it sound to just relax while I'm holding not only my life in my hands, but now yours as well.”

    Jim let go a small smile as his eyes travelled over to Len’s still shaking hands. Before he could stop himself he stretched his arm across and let his fingers trail gently down Len's arm, starting at his elbow and stopping at his wrist. He let his fingers linger on the back of Len's hand for a moment, tracing small circles on the skin there, before wrapping his hand around Len's and running his thumb soothingly over Len's and pushing the stick forwards into a slightly faster speed.

    Without looking up he spoke to Len again, in an almost whisper, “You know I willingly give you my life, right, Bones.”

    Len scoffed, “As a doctor, yes, but as a pilot you shouldn’t.”

    “It wouldn’t matter the situation, Bones, I would trust you with my life regardless.”

    “Kid,” Len shook his head again, “I'm the worst pilot the academy’s got. You’d be better off never getting into a shuttle with me, it’d probably be a hell of a lot safer.”

    “You're not a bad pilot,” he continued to ease Len's hand forwards bit by bit as he continued, “you're just a little too high strung at times and over worrisome. You’ve just got to learn to let things go, whatever’s going to happen will happen, and as long as it happens with you and I together, then I'm ok with it.”

    For the first time since they entered the shuttle Len took his eyes off the view screen to look at Jim. He didn’t know exactly what to say…well that was actually a lie. He did know what to say, but what he struggled with was how to say it. “Jim…”

    Jim still refused eye contact, eyes focused on their hands as he whispered barely audible, “Yeah, Bones.”

    “Jim, I-” before he could get it out the shuttle rocked violently to the side. Len's eyes widened in panic and Jim sat straight up in his chair. He removed his hand from Len's and kept his eyes fixed on the view screen. “Jim, what was that?!”

    “You’re the pilot, you tell me.”

    “I thought you were supposed to be helping me!” Len was in full panic mode. His hands flew across the controls, trying desperately to locate the source of the hit, and stop the deafening alarms from going off around them.

    “I am helping you, Bones,” Jim’s voice remained calm and collected, and it flustered Len even more, “this is a great time for a lesson.”

    “It sure as hell is not!”

    “It sure as hell is!” Jim shot back full of enthusiasm, “Now tell me what's happening, and quick before we’re hit again.”

    Len's hands continued to move across the controls before he sat back, face pale and eyes wide, “We’re in an asteroid field!”

    “Yes we are!” Jim sat back and crossed one leg over the other, turning slightly towards Len, “Now what do you do?”

    Len turned to Jim, annoyed at the very collected and undisturbed kid beside him and growled, “How are you so calm?!”

    Jim merely ignored the question and asked the same one again, “What do you do, Bones? I know you know the answer.”

    He huffed a breath and searched his memory, thinking back to class and what his instructor had told him before stuttering out, “I… I pull up a view screen of the field to help navigate through it and then… land on the nearest safe surface until I can get aid.”

    With out so much more than a nod Jim said, “Then do it.”

    Len turned back to the controls and brought up the view of the asteroid field on the screen, and quickly tried to navigate a path through the debris towards the planet he was originally headed for. His frantic movements caught Jim's eye and he reached over and placed a firm hand on Len's shoulder.

    “Relax, Bones.”

    “Kid…” Len was sure that if he gripped the control stick any tighter with his right hand it would mould to his skin, but he just couldn’t bring himself to the calm level that was Jim Kirk.

    Jim gave his shoulder a light squeeze, “You wanna get through this asteroid field then you have to have a calm steady hand and a clear mind. Just breathe.”

    “Kid…” Len could feel every muscle in his body tensing despite Jim's words, “We’re gunna hit that huge asteroid!”

    “Reverse thrusters, Bones, you can get through this field easily.”

    Len found himself completely frozen as the asteroid was coming closer and closer. He couldn’t move any part of his body no matter how hard he tried, no matter how loud his brain yelled at his hand to reach across and activate the reverse thrusters, nothing was working. All he could do was stare straight ahead and think about the inevitable.

    “Kid…” was all he could manage to choke out.

    Jim gave Len's shoulder another squeeze, leaning closer to him, “You know how to do this, Bones, reverse thrusters.”

    “Jim!”

    With Len completely locked up, the shuttle crashed hard with the large asteroid, shaking the entire shuttle as the view screen went black. The shuttle around them filled with a deep red hue and the alarms were replaced with a robotic female voice.

    “Away mission to class M planet, Maldova, failed. Shuttle destroyed on impact, all life forms aboard perished. Simulation end.”

    The red hue was then replaced with the normal glow of artificial light as Len slumped back into his chair with a huff, rubbing at his eyes with both hands.

    Jim shook Len's shoulder where his hand still held him tightly, as he breathed with a smile, “It’s ok, Bones.”

    “No, no it’s not, Jim!” He threw his hands up in frustration, “I have another simulator test coming up in two weeks, and if I don’t pass this one I won’t be allowed to move into the next semester with you. I’ll be held back until I can pass this god forsaken test! Not to mention if this was a real life situation I would have killed you!” he sighed, “I'm a doctor damn it, not a pilot! Why do I have to learn how to fly?!”

    “Every member of a ship has to know how to fly, no matter what their position is, everyone has to be certified. It’s Starfleet regulation. If something happened and every crew member was unable to fly except you, then we would all look to you to pilot.”

    Len groaned, not even wanting to think about such a mess, “I'm never going to pass this test. I'm going to be held back and you’ll move on without me.”

    Jim shook his head, “Not a chance, Bones.”

    “Jim,” Len began in a firm voice, “you are not halting your education or dream of captaincy because this old man can’t pass a damn simulation test. It just means we won’t graduate together.”

    “I'm not walking that stage without you.”

    “Kid-”

    Jim stopped him, looking Len directly in the eyes as he spoke his next words with sincerity, “Bones, I meant what I said before. No matter what the situation, I willingly lay my life in your hands.” Len could only stare at him in awe as he continued, “I would never give that trust to anyone else, only you. And I can’t do that if I'm in space and you're still grounded. No one else on any ship, or anywhere in the universe, would be worthy enough of that trust, and I don’t want anyone else, I only want you. And if that means that I have to stay here with you for another year and wait while you pass the test, or two years, or ten years, even if we never leave earth, I will wait right here beside you, Bones. I am not going into space without you, do you understand?”

    Len didn’t know what to say. All he could do was stare and nod to let Jim know that he did understand, but what he wanted to say was how much Jim's words had meant to him. After a hardened childhood and a shitty marriage followed by an equally shitty divorce, Len was starting to think he would never know compassion again. But sure enough, Jim Kirk had some how managed to flip his entire life view around and flutter his heart like a love sick teenager, despite the hard exterior he worked so hard on.

    “Good,” Jim smiled, leaning away from Len, “but I'm not going to let you fail. We are going to work on this until you feel comfortable with it.”

    While Len continued to stare at Jim, he turned away and started rebooting the simulator to play a random mission. While his hands worked the controls Len reached forwards and caught Jim's hand in his, holding it firmly, linking their fingers together and giving them a squeeze. Jim stopped all movements and looked to Len, waiting for him to say something.

    “I...” He began, “Thanks, Jim, for sticking with me, it means a lot.”

     Jim returned the squeeze and smile, and when Len let go they both found their hands feeling very empty. A want to pull back and never let go washing over the both of them, but neither knowing how to go about that. So Jim decided instead to turn back to his work and busy himself with rebooting the simulator, and less then a minute later they found themselves looking through the view screen at the now very familiar port.

    “Ok, Bones,” Jim settled back into the chair once again and explained Len's new mission, “this time you're rescuing a stranded four man crew stalled in open space. You’ve got to locate them, bring your shuttle to rest beside them without jostling them further into space, and engage the boarding tube so they can safely leave their ship and board ours. Got it?”

    “Got it,” he confirmed with a nod.

    “Great.” A smirk quickly found its way onto Jim's face as he turned to face Len, “And this time don’t forget to watch out for oncoming debris or danger, don’t get distracted while ogling my fine self again.”

    Len just reached over and gave Jim's shoulder a shove. Jim burst out laughing, and as much and Len tried to give the kid his signature scowl he just couldn’t, and ended up laughing along with him. He spared him one last glance, Jim's face bright with laughter and Len couldn’t help but think how much he loved that smile on Jim kirks face, what he wouldn’t give to have it always there and only for him.

    As the shuttle pulled further out of the port he returned his eyes reluctantly to the view screen. Taking the shuttle out into open space, this time with more confidence and less of a shake to his hands, as Jim's laughter beside him filled the shuttle.

~~~~~~~~~~~

    Len ran his thumbs over Jim's fingers, his hand still tightly held in his while Jim still lay unconscious beside him. “How could I forget, kid,” and how could he.

    He remembered that day perfectly, as if it were yesterday. The day Jim had not only sent a whirlwind of shivers through his body with his touch, and held his hand, but it was also the day that Jim had given his whole self to Len. After knowing Jim for close to a year at the time, Len knew that Jim was not one to trust others easily if even at all, and for Jim to openly and completely give that trust to Leonard was a feeling he could not explain. Jim's declaration of trust meant more to him then the universe itself.

    Looking at the padd revealed yet another one of Leonard's logs. He pulled Jim's hand into his lap, still not letting go, and opened the next file.

    “CMO’s log. Stardate 2264. 98. Its been two days now since lieutenant Uhura found me in a heap in my room. One day since I woke up in the medbay an absolute mess. I will admit that… that Jim's disappearance has taken a huge toll on me. I’ve never been this long without the kid and once we get him back, and we will get him back, I will do everything in my power to personally make sure Jim never leaves my side again. Protocol be damned! But after yet another hard day with news of another planet coming up empty, it was the lieutenant’s words that helped me get through the night without another incident. Uhora was right, we can’t help Jim if we can’t even help ourselves.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I warned you... FLUFF!!! ok, getting into some flashbacks now as Jim’s journey across the empty planet begins... more good times to come XD

Let me know what Y’all think <3 Love you guys!!

Tags: @goingknowherewastaken @weresilver-in-space @medicatemedrmccoy @bi-e-ne @flaminglupine @resistance-is-futile81 @0dannyphantom0 @haveyouseenmymind @jimboy-mccoy

If anyone wants to be tagged let me know <3

[pherryt]

Supernatural Sci Fi Rec List

This is the second rec list in a series I’m making (first was the Destiny Fic Rec List). The art for this list was made by me ( @dragonpressgraphics​ ) for Colliding Worlds

By Pherryt/Me

What’s the Truth?: Wordcount: 8256, General, Destiel  Android!Cas, Android phobia, Secrets, Explosions, Angst, Hurt/Comfort Summary:  Dean has never made a secret of his hatred for AI's - especially androids. His whole world is turned on it's edge when he finds out Cas has been hiding something big from him since they met... and before he can even come to terms with it, he almost loses Cas for good.

Colliding Worlds: Wordcount: 54009, General, Destiel   Crossover with Doctor Who, Canon Divergent Season 11 Summary What happens if the Doctor meets our boys? When the supernatural meets the other wordly? Can the boys expand their worldview to include aliens?? A fun exercise in colliding worlds...

Crossing Fantasies: Wordcount: 6839, Teen, Destiel  Crossover with Star Trek, Bunker Fic Summary  Dean's minding his own business in the bunker when 3 very impossible people show up in his room amid a glory of sparkles. There's no way he could be facing down Captain James T. Kirk, Doctor McCoy and Commander Spock - they're fictional characters from a TV show for fucks sake, right? So why was he holding a gun on the very real presence of three strangers claiming to be just that in his own bedroom at a supposedly impervious Bunker?

You Stole My Line!: Wordcount: 2888, General, Destiel   Crossover with Doctor Who, Season Codas up to 12  Summary  Because really, Dean's gonna brag about killing Hitler, and that's going to make some people a little jealous...you know who I'm talking about right? And then in the end, it helps Dean open up a little bit more...

Midnight Adventures: Wordcount: 8992, Explicit, DCJ  Crossover with Doctor Who, Coitus Interuptus and feels  Summary  Dean, Jimmy and Cas had moved to the middle of nowhere for a reason. Relationships such as theirs were hardly ever understood to begin with. Throw in the fact that, well, Dean's boyfriends were related to each other, and it causes quite an outcry. So. Middle of nowhere. Lots of land and privacy. And all they wanted to do was celebrate their anniversary in peace. And sex (definitely sex). Of course, time traveling aliens with their magic box kinda put a damper on that. But that's okay - he makes up for it in the end.

The Replacement Engineer: Wordcount: 3061, Explicit, Destiel  ABO, Non Trad, Omegas Cas and Dean, Switching  Summary  Dean's the doctor on Charlies ship, and he's just met Castiel - the replacement for their previous engineer. Nobody expected them to take such an instant liking to each other. After that, it was only a matter of time before Sam was scarred for life and Charlie needed to give the ship a few upgrades. But it wasn't really their fault!

Humanities Second Chance: Wordcount: 3076, Explicit, Saileen  ABO, Post Apocalyptic, Omega Sam, Alpha Eileen, Switching  Summary  The world changed after the Earth rose up against humanity. Disaster after disaster struck, decimating the population, but as humans have always found a way to do - they survived. They might have changed a little in the process but, they survived. Not that the new generation of kids knew anything different. They hear the stories, the tales, but to them, this is the new normal. And Sam is about to embark on the next phase of his life - getting mated

Solitary Flights and Second Chances: Wordcount: 7415, General, Destiel  Astronaut Dean, NASA style Summary  All Dean's life, all he wanted was to go into space. He's sacrificed a lot on the way to that dream. Now he has it and he realizes... he sacrificed too much. Way too much. Sabatoge, injury and an aborted trip are a strange way to get back the things he lost... that most precious thing of all... but if he can salvage something good from all this, he'll take it. he just needs to get back home alive, first.

More Recs (Not Mine)

Purgatory: Population 1 By  @jhoomwrites​ : Wordcount: 13165, Mature  Destiel, Mark of Cain, Crashlanding  Summary:  While helping out a group of terraformers, Dean ends up with a mysterious Mark on his arm that gives him the urge to kill. After giving up on the idea of a cure, Dean comes up with the only solution he can think of: he takes his ship, picks a direction, and flies until he’s so lost no one will ever find him. And for a few years, it works. Dean has a planet full of monsters all to himself, monsters he can kill and maim and satisfy his dark impulses. At least until a stranger crash lands on his planet. Will Dean be able to resist long enough to help this man leave? And what if he doesn't want him to leave?

Well Build Ourselves by @reallyelegantsharkfish / : Wordcount: 5420, Explicit Destiel, Android Summary: An android walks into Dean’s shop. (italics)

I'll Cross the Sky for You by  Superhoney  : Wordcount: 33364, Explicit Destiel, Top!Cas, Bottom!Dean, Courier/Captan Cas, CoffeeShop Owner Dean Summary: Castiel thinks it sounds ridiculous: a spaceship that’s also an Earth-style coffeeshop? But upon his first visit to The Family Business, he quickly realizes that the owner, Dean Winchester, is incredibly handsome, the pastries are delicious, and the coffee is out of this world. One visit leads to another, and before long, Castiel is completely won over by both the coffeeship and its owner. It’s hard to maintain a relationship when you’re constantly flying across the vastness of space, but for the sake of both his heart and his stomach, Castiel swears he and Dean will make it work

And then there were five by @feartheophanim : Wordcount: 5969, Teen Destiel, Spaceflight, Ship to Ship Battle Summary: Dean is the best engineer on base, and his father keeps refusing his requests for off-world assignments. Pissed off with the same old-same old, Dean goes for a drink and meets a stranger who offers him a job on his ship. Things are harder than Dean expected, out there in space, but things soon take a turn for the strange. He is left with far more than he bargained for.

the light of falling stars by by @procasdeanating : Wordcount: 4980, Explicit Destiel, Alien!Cas, Battles Summary:  … when Lieutenant Dean Winchester and the two ships under his command engaged in combat with a Seraph squadron. Two army ships were destroyed, while one fighter, presumably Lt. Winchester’s, made a forced landing on a nearby uninhabited class D planet after triggering the emergency protocol. The ongoing search has not produced conclusive results. Lt. Winchester is classified as missing in action…

The Ark by  @pimentogirl : Wordcount: 2776, Explicit Destiel, reunion, hurt/comfort Summary: The Ark, a triple class interstellar craft, offering the opportunity to travel between colonies regardless of Tier Status... ...and the last place left to look...

Because of Harrison Bergeron by  @nachsie : Wordcount: 5249, Not Rated destiel, sabriel, Android Summary: In the year 2081, amendments to the Constitution dictate that all Americans are fully equal and not allowed to be smarter, better-looking, or more physically able than anyone else. The Handicapper General's agents enforce the equality laws, forcing citizens to wear "handicaps": masks for those who are too beautiful, radios inside the ears of intelligent people, and heavy weights for the strong or athletic. When Harrison Bergeron in an attempt to overthrow the government is gunned down, the strongest able to break from the control start a rebellion that leads to an all out war. One rebellion group lead by Harrison's baby brother, Sam in it's attempt to destroy the government runs into a sleeper citizen base, running into by fate a sleeper teenager called Castiel

Real Skilled at People by Astarloa / : Wordcount: 1456, Mature  (This reminds me of a Robert Heinlein short that I loved but can’t find anymore. If anyone knows where to find it, I’d love to know!)  Summary:   In an alternate future reality there's a black market doctor named Robert and a man who yearns for wings.

Looking to the Sky to Save Me by raths_kitten / : Wordcount: 8693, Explicit Destiel, Bounty Hunters Cas and Sam Summary: Sam and Castiel are bounty hunters. When a warrant is out for Dean, Sam convinces Castiel to catch him. Loosely based on Killjoys.

Dreaming in Digital by @ltleflrt : Wordcount: WIP (80k +), Explicit Destiel, Sabriel, Post Apocalyptic, Androids, Bounty Hunters Summary: When Dean finds a deactivated sex bot, he knows it's his lucky day.

Qualia by @imogenbynight : Wordcount: 26600, Explicit AI, Bring Tissues, Destiel, Sam/Jess Summary: When Sam & Jess move into a smart home, Dean finds an unlikely match in the AI that keeps it running.

Lost and Found by @destieltrashland : Wordcount: 22928, Explicit Destiel, Sam/Jess, Nod to Space Seed (Star Trek), Character Death (not Team Free Will) Summary: When he reached the hatch door he looked through the small window, shining the light from his helmet inside. The cargo area was cleaner than the front of the ship, due to being sealed off from the tear in the hull, and it still held a sizable number of items within. The items floated under nets keeping them tethered to the floor. “What strange readings?” he asked as he pointed his own tricorder inside. “Power signatures and –“ she paused, pressing buttons on the screen as if to confirm her assessment, “life signs.”                                                       ----- Castiel and crew find something unexpected while recovering an ancient spaceship. Dean and Sam struggle to adjust to life 300 years in the future.

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S5 Watchthrough Episodes 6-9

The Game: Alright, took a few days off but it’s back to business now! In this episode, Wesley is back on break. Gonna be honest, the show was pretty much unaffected by Wesley going so haven’t really missed him much, so I was indifferent to him coming back. But how did his guest star episode go overall? Eh, it was alright. So Riker got brainwashed via the titular game device on Risa (Dear Lord that place must be cursed) and he does the same to the crew upon returning. So yeah… we have a ‘Wesley Saves Everyone’ plot, albeit I can forgive it since it would be kinda pointless to bring him back and not be major and the brainwashing plot gives a good reason. It does a good job making me paranoid of video games cause haha… yeah the brainwashing process just from that is wild. They don’t even act brainwashed, which makes it even scarier. Wesley and the Ashley Judd character have some good chemistry, although I doubt it’s gonna ever come up again in Wesley’s other appearances. It is irking that while they did have an excuse for it this time we had to make everyone out of it so that Wesley can play hero and is still overly competent, but to be fair he DID still get caught at the end of an admittedly tense chase scene and he had to get Data back up (he got taken out since the game otherwise wouldn’t have affected him) to save everyone. Which the crew forcing the game on Wesley… that was legit horrifying. It was a fine episode, if you’re a fan of Wesley it’s one that I recommend… but as I’ve made it clear that I’m not, I’m just meh about it. But because of the scenario they used, it’s very much Wesley’s best episode, but we’ll see how his other guest appearances go. 3.5/5.

Unification P1: While this isn’t a final two-parter, I’m still gonna do an overall rating and that will be the one I use if this makes it onto the Best/Worst of S5 list. So… I have been so excited for this one! Why? Well in this episode, an ambassador has gone missing on Romulus… Spock. Yep, you read it right. Spock is back! Why has he gone to Romulus and did so without authorization likely knowing what would happen if Starfleet found out? Well, we’ll go into that later. But because of it, he’s been marked a traitor and Picard has been given the unfortunate duty of informing Sarek. Which if you recall in Sarek’s episode, he melded with Picard so… let’s just say that Picard has a stronger understanding of things than normal. But it gets worst. Sarek is dying. Yep, his condition has taken its toll and indeed, he dies in this episode and never sees Spock again. The whole scene when Picard goes to talk to him is just… Dear Lord that was just agonizing to watch. I know that technically he had The Undiscovered Country as his final appearance, but this would be Mark Lenard’s final go in a series and he did an amazing job. It’s so clear how much regret, pain, and love towards Spock that he had and the fact that they weren’t unable to reconcile in the end is just heartbreaking. Hell just seeing him in the state that he was in at that point was hard to watch. Picard talking to Data about it when Data questions why they never reconciled… well they kinda did during the films but eh. Still, a very sad moment but one executed very well. We’ll go more into Sarek and Spock for Part 2. Back on the plot, Picard and Data go undercover on Romulus ala Kirk during The Enterprise Incident only he only had to go on one ship, they have to go onto a whole planet. Actually, there are a good few similarities with that episode. Spock has seemed to go traitor, the captain has to go undercover, and it involves Romulans. Albeit Picard didn’t have to act like he’d gone insane as Kirk did. Thus for the first time, we see the Romulan homeworld… and it doesn’t take long for Picard and Data to get found out… and brought to the figure that they are seeking. This brings us to… oh right first the rating, 4/5.

Unification P2: SPOCK! AAAAAAHHHHH!!! Oh God, I knew that missed him, but I did NOT realize how much until the end of P1. I’m just so happy to see him~! Alright, back to seriousness. So… why is Spock on Romulus? Why did he risk being labeled a traitor by going to the planet of what may be Starfleet’s greatest enemy at the moment? Simple, a mission of peace. As it turns out, not every Romulan is an evil asshole and there is a movement that wishes to reunify with their Vulcan brethren. Hence why Spock is there, a decision that he made on a personal choice to avoid what happened in The Undiscovered Country when he was involved with the Klingon efforts and it landed Kirk and McCoy in prison from happening again. First, Leonard Nimoy is as perfect as ever. Mind you this was apparently being made about the same time as Undiscovered Country so he was already in top form, but still. Spock is very much older, but he carries a lot more wisdom and maturity here since he’s since long come to terms with his issues. Sarek’s about the only snag left, and… we’ll go into that soon. It’s kinda hard to watch because if you’ve seen AOS you know how this is ultimately going to end, so it makes it feel like Spock’s efforts are… kinda pointless. Still, it’s very much Spock would likely do even if he did know how it would end and it’s best to try than do nothing. It can hopefully inspire better things in the future despite what we know happens. The talk between Spock and Data was also really good and Thank God they they pointed out the cardinal difference between them: Spock is half-human who chose the Vulcan way of life, Data is an android who wants to be more human. Also hilarious that Spock says he has no regrets when he outright said that he went to Romulus on his own essentially because of what happened to Kirk and McCoy when he involved Starfleet. Ah Spock, never change~! The ending. Picard allows Spock to meld with him so that he may see his father’s final moments. Which his reaction… yeah it’s… it’s just sad. Spock never got the chance to reconcile… but he did get to see that yes, Sarek loved and respected him. After all those years, he got that closure, and Thank God that he was allowed that. It was good. Not perfect, we’ll go into the snags here in a bit, but just seeing Spock again and him being as great as always made watching it worth it. 4/5.

So overall, it was good! Not perfect, but good! The highlight of course is Spock’s return and allowing closure to him and Sarek at long last. Which those scenes were handled very well and Spock is very much the best part of this episode. But while the episodes revolve around him even when he isn’t in P1, it doesn’t feel like he overshadows anyone. Picard and Data were good and the Spock and Sarek conflict is used to allow some good moments like Picard's history due to the mind meld and Data questioning things like why they didn’t and about wanting to be more human. Not obviously they didn’t know about how the 2009 film would go about when they made this, but the chance for Romulan to reunite with Vulcan and showing that there are Romulans wanting change is really good. Now like I said it’s not perfect. The pacing does drag a bit and honestly, the rest of the Enterprise gets nothing to really do. You could cut most of their stuff and it would barely impact anything, but you can’t just cut them out so… at least they got something to do. Sela comes back… and not only is this apparently her final appearance, but they have her be an utter idiot by locking Spock, Picard, and Data… in a room with a computer with no guards in the room… uuuhhhhh WTF? Y’know had they gone with that ‘brainwashed Tasha’ suggestion that I made I could make sense of it, but again this is Sela’s final appearance so wow, what an utter waste of great character potential. Then finally again knowing that the 2009 movie will essentially make Spock’s efforts null and void… well it sure as Hell makes me even less endeared to the film than I already was. It’s those kinds of snags that stop me from giving it a perfect overall rating. But still, I really enjoyed it~! The plot was interesting, the growing of the Romulan conflict was good, the scenes involving Sarek were very well done, Spock… well I made that clear, and of course, Spock at last getting the closure that he needed was sad, but satisfying to at last have. So while not perfect, it felt like a genuine tribute to Spock and his character, and I can appreciate it for that. 4/5.

A Matter of Time: Oh joy, more time travel. Hooray…So we have a time traveler from the 26th Century arrives on the Enterprise for historical purposes.I thought the guy playing the professor sounded familiar… and it turns out he voiced Panic, Hades blue-colored minion, in Hercules. Welp, THAT was not a voice that I expected to recognize XD So… it was alright. Maybe it’s just because of how hyped about Unification I was, but the episode just kinda caused me to zone out. The actor playing the professor was fun. I don’t wanna give away the big plot twist but long story short,t he professor isn’t who he says he is and Matt Frewer portrays the conman-like attitude very well… though his creepiness towards Crusher is ugh… creepy. But Crusher handles it soundly, hence why I love her. Apparently the episode is supposed to show the darker aspects of the non-interference clause of the. Prime Directive, the professor withholding information that could potentially save a dying planet but he won’t budge. If that is true… then the plot twist kinda ruins that since without giving anything away, it really muddies up the intent.. Like I said, I kinda just zoned out. It was fine, Matt Frewer was the best part of it, but nothing to write home about. 2.5/5.

[janeykath318]

The Leather Look: Kirk x Reader

Prompt: “I audition to model in your music video and we end up hitting it off.” “Alright, Y/N. They’re ready for you. Good luck.” The manager gave you a thumbs up and you nervously nodded. You took several deep breaths and tried to fight against the flip-flopping of your stomach as you approached the set where the audition was being held. You were here to try to do some modeling work in the music video for pop star Jim Kirk’s new single. It would be a nice little payday and allow you to get a few toes in the door, so to speak: that is, if you didn’t freak out and ruin everything. Jim Kirk was, well, stunningly good looking to say the least and the prospect of being in the same room as he was was causing your inner fangirl to pop up at the worst possible time. You really needed to act natural. The last thing he’d want is just another groupie. 

You’d been given instructions to slowly stride onto the set, lock eyes with Kirk, who was standing in the middle, and brush past him with a smirk, which was Easier said than done, wearing three inch heels, but you were used to walking around in such crazy heights, so as soon as you got your cue to approach Kirk, you pinned your eyes on him and walked in his direction. He slowly turned around to face you like he was supposed to and your eyes met for a long moment, before you flashed him a sultry smile and walked past. Holy crap, he was hot! The fake blonde was gone and he’d grown a bit of a beard, which was immensely flattering. The eyes were definitely just as pretty in person, and they looked right back at you with curiosity, that swiftly turned to interest. Were those leather pants? You thought as you moved past him, not daring to turn back around. “Cut!” Called the guy filming the clip. “That was fantastic. Can we get one more take at a slower speed?” “Sure,” you responded. “Same path as before?” “Yeah, only this time kind of brush against him as you go past,” the director suggested. Gulp. You looked at Kirk. He nodded approvingly, showing that famous smile that had fangirls everywhere gushing over it. So, back you walked toward him, this time coming much closer. Heart pounding, you tried to look cool as you edged closer, letting your fingers brush up against his as you passed. Again, you felt the full force of his blue gaze on you, and it sent tingles up your spine. Kirk really was unfairly attractive. He made it incredible difficult to concentrate and not break character. Somehow, you managed to keep your cool and parade across the rest of the set like you were on the red carpet. “Very nice!” The director, a ruddy, roundish headed man with some kind of lilting accent exclaimed. “What d’ya say, Jim?” He asked the singer. “She’s perfect,” Kirk said. You couldn’t help but blush as you were beckoned over. “Wow, That was great, Miss Y/L/N. I think we have a winner. You’re a natural.” “Why thank you. It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Kirk,” You said nervously, shaking his hand. He really did make the black leather and white T shirt an incredibly sexy look, but he seemed like a friendly guy, so you tried to relax. “Call me Jim,” He declared. “I can’t tell you how excited I am to finally find the right person for the job. We’ve had to turn down quite a few eager fangirls who had obviously never done anything like this before. You look like you’ve had experience.” “I have,” you confirmed, proud that he’d been able to tell that. “Mostly just for young up and comers and such as I try to break into the scene, but this is a whole new level and a good challenge. Not that I think you’re a challenging guy to work with,” you hastily added, trying not to let your eyes wander. (Those pants left nothing to the imagination.) “Oh, I can be VERY challenging,” Jim demurred, eyes twinkling at the director, whom he appeared to be good friends with. “Can’t I, Scotty?” “Aye, You can, lad. But you’re not a diva, so it makes things so much better. I’ve worked with some people who let their ego swell to the point they couldn’t take a lick of advice. I’ll make sure the lass has fair warning of your quirks before filming.” He winked and you Decided you liked him. “Want to hang out while my people talk to your people?“ Jim asked. “Okay.“ You replied, mouth speaking before your brain could catch up. You just agreed to hang out with Jim Kirk? Like you were casual acquaintances? Were you crazy?” As it turned out, Jim Kirk was as gifted a charmer and conversationalist as he was at singing. He didn’t even try to hit on you, only gave the occasional mildy flirty compliment. He asked you about your career and where you worked and what your goals were and you asked him how he got where he was and how he coped with the pressure and spotlight of fame. “I didn’t handle it well at first,” he admitted. “Which is why the playboy reputation stuck. Luckily, I have good friends and family to keep me grounded and kick my butt when I need it.” “Like Scotty?” You hinted. “Yes,” Jim confirmed. “And Chris Pike and Leonard McCoy and Spock.” The names he dropped were all big ones in the industry and you were pretty impressed. “Wow. Friends in high places.” “They’re great people though. Stuck by me through thick and thin. I hope you have the same. I hear modeling can be a tough gig.” “It can be, especially when you don’t fit the body type Standard,” you told him, still a bit hypnotized by how blue his eyes were up close. “I want to be the person to an open peoples minds and show them that anybody can do it, whether or not you  can see their hipbones.” Jim laughed. “That’s awesome and I like you even more. I hope you live your dreams and change the industry. A lot of companies don’t seem to know the difference between fit and emaciated.” You talked a little more before the hiring was completed and you went over the schedule with your agent. They even took measurements for the outfits you were going to wear. “So, I come back here in two weeks for the filming?” “Yes, ma’am,” Jim’s assistant told you. “Thank you so much for agreeing to this. If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to call me.” “See you in two weeks, then,” you told Jim, shaking his hand. He smirked a bit. “I’ll be looking forward to it.” On the specified day and time, you made your way back to the set and donned your first outfit, which was a sassy black mini, aqua t-shirt and awesome heels that you actually cooed over when putting on. There was a stint in the hair and makeup chair and you were pronounced ready. Jim was sitting in a folding chair, strumming his guitar and singing softly. You listened for a few moments, admiring his gorgeous voice before he looked up and noticed you. “Damn.” He said admiringly. “Looking good, Y/N. Just so you know, I did not pick the outfit, but it’s fantastic on you.” “Thanks, I think,” you replied. “Please tell me you’re wearing the leather pants.” “I’m wearing the leather pants,” he confirmed proudly, standing up to prove it. The filming took several hours and involved multiple clothes changes, ending up with you in a breezy yellow dress and Jim in khakis and a blue button down. The song was pretty cute and you heard it quite a bit by the time filming was finished,  going over to compliment Jim and wish him success. At the moment, the bad boy singer looked more like the kind of guy you’d bring home to meet your mother: wholesome, kind, and very handsome. “It was great working with you,” He said. “I almost hate that it’s over. You think there’s any chance we might run into each other again?” Trying to be casual you shrugged and answered lightly, “Don’t know. You’ll probably forget all about me pretty quickly. I’m just another girl.” “Aww, that’s just not true, though,” he protested. “I genuinely enjoyed working with you and talking with you. I’m not just trying to get in your pants.” “Speaking Of getting into pants,” you deflected, “How in the heck did you get those leather things on? They look like they were a second skin.” “It’s not easy,” Jim agreed. “It’s a lot of slow inching and pinching. You liked them?” “Maybe,” You hedged coyly. “Another possible reason to see me again,” he suggested. “Good point. Tell you what, if you’re still thinking about me in three months, call me. Your assistant has my number. If I’m just a pretty face to you, you’ll forget, life will move on.” Jim thought about this for a minute, expressive face going through a myriad emotions. “You drive a hard bargain,” he said at last, “but it’s a deal. Going to mark the date in my phone calendar right now.” He pulled out his device and started tapping away swiftly. “There! All entered. I’ll talk to you in three months,” he said confidently. “We’ll see.” Your tone was cautious, But you smiled at him hopefully. You left the studio with a nice paycheck, possible future opportunities, and a tiny possibility of a date with a star. Three months later, Jim made good on his promise and called you, which led to a date and then a second one, and a third, and you found yourself falling hard for Jim T. Kirk—even without the leather pants. 

@yourtropegirl @kirkaholic123

@kingarthurscat @taylorjacksonandtheolympians 

[theantisocialcritic]

Archive Project - February 7, 2014 - Avengers Lineup

2012's Avengers movie is too easily forgotten as a miracle of modern film. What was once considered a film that could and wouldn't ever work, with a lot working against it, managed to become one of the best movies of the early 21st century. This is due largely to the miracle casting of Joss Whedon as director. Prior to selling his soul… I mean future career prospects to Marvel/Disney, he gained extreme nerd credibility for his work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and Cabin in the Woods (which premiered around the same time as Avengers). Joss Whedon's strength as a director has always been inter-character dynamics. By that I mean, he is able to establish a large cast of characters with differing personalities that all interact with each other differently in fascinating ways. This, I imagine, was largely why he was chosen for The Avengers. His touch really does show through as we see certain characters get along and bicker. For example, Tony Stark immediately gets along with Bruce Banner, but clashes with Steve Rogers. Ultimately though, I will admit that The Avenger's as a movie suffers from 1 flaw: an overall lack of depth.  Joss spent all of his time working the movie developing the character's personalities and interactions, but the resulting script was pretty much a standard action movie with little to say about people, life, the universe, etc. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it doesn't detract from the movie, but what it does is two things. The first is that is keeps the movie from really standing out as potentially the greatest Superhero and Action movie of all time (though I will say it easily get's second best for me personally). The second is that it makes me really worried for the sequel, 2015's Avengers: Age of Ultron. Joss has stated in interviews that his influences for making this movie are The Empire Strikes Back and The Godfather Part II, which I would take as good signs if that actually was some sort of signifier that the movie's inspiration was other good movies. What he has also seemed to have done is to take nearly every single fan request for a character appearance and stuck them into the script while simultaneously making the story darker and more complex. I'm nervous because the last time I saw a movie that tried this strategy, making the movie darker, more complex, with more characters, and taking inspiration from another great movie (in this case Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan) was the unfortunately complicated misfire that was Star Trek into Darkness. I'm not saying that Joss Whedon is going in a bad direction with Avengers 2 or that he isn't talented at what he does. In fact if there is any director I would trust to make this movie work.. IT IS JOSS WHEDON! I'm just worried too many people out there are already convinced that Avengers Age of Ultron is predestined to become some sort of modern cinematic masterpiece when there is just as good a chance that the whole experiment could fall apart on itself if it makes a severe misfire. Overall though my main fear, as I mentioned briefly before, is the casting. Reading the cast list for this movie on Wikipedia makes me really afraid that Joss Whedon might be a bit over his head here and that he could be biting off more than he can chew. Lets look back of his record so far: Ok.. Firefly: 9 central characters, plus rotating cast of antagonists The characters had great dynamics and the show had a deep emotional core with a fully realized world. Avengers 1: 10 central characters, plus 1 primary antagonist One of the best Superhero-Action movies ever, kinda weak story but REALLY awesome!!   Avengers 2: 9 Protagonists, 5 antagonists remains to be seen.. So maybe it doesn't sound like that much, but 14 main characters are a lot to throw around, especially when you are balancing multiple bad guys with different goals and story lines. Again, thats not to say it can't work. The first Die Hard movie had 12 villains.   So the question is, how do you balance a two hour movie with fourteen or more characters. My best guess: do it the way they did in the old Star Trek shows: create a diverse cast of personalities but keep the focus primarily on the important figures. In old Star Trek, the stories usually revolved around Captain Kirk, Commander Spock and Dr. "Bones". Yah, characters like Uhara and Scotty got screen time but it wasn't guaranteed in every episode and was less significant than the main trio. If Avengers: Age of Ultron keeps it's focus on the right characters and gives screen time where it is needed then it really could end up something of a great movie! But it's important to approach this cautiously, as this could very easily turn out to be an X-Men: The Last Stand level disaster if the ball is dropped. Or alternatively, it could be a Man of Steel 2… I mean Batman vs… I mean NOT Justice League level screwup. The saving grace here is that we have hope. At the helm of this movie is an incredibly talented group of actors, directors and special effects artists who genuinely care about the material. The Avengers movies are one of those rare little treats where Hollywood figured out that they could make a lot of money by honoring the source materials people care about and making genuinely great, light hearted and fun action movies out of such odd, out there concepts. Who would have thought a movie about The Norse God of Thunder or Ayn Rand in a robot suit would become to most dominating movies out there. What i'm really hoping for is that the huge cast that Joss Whedon is collecting is for a greater purpose for these movies. The fact is, sadly.. these actors aren't going to be around forever. Eventually Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evens, Robert Downey Jr and the rest will get tired of the roles and try to retire the characters. We almost saw this with Downey in Iron Man 3. By making such a huge cast, maybe Joss is preparing for the ugly reality that we will all have to face at some point, that Chris Hemsworth as Thor really isn't immortal. That the invincible Iron Man really isn't. Just looking ahead at Marvel's Phase 3 movies, you can really see this. Marvel/Disney is currently in talks right now for potential movies for Dr. Strange, Black Panther, Ms. Marvel and Blade. Not to mention the Netflix Original Series' coming in 2015 for Luke Cage, Iron Fist, Daredevil and Jessica Jones. Don't take this as cynical. If anything, the untold possibilities with these films has me more excited for them than anything else! I'm not nearly excited for stuff like Star Wars VII or The LEGO Movie as I am for Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man and Avengers 2! And in the meantime, I can confidently say that the characters we know and love will be around for quite a while! Thor 3 and Captain America 3 have already been announced! Take from this a sense of cautious optimism. These are the movies we will hand down to our children. Even if things crash and burn from here on out, we still got 8 amazing movies out of this deal! And I can say with confidence, that we will probably have more than 8 of these films to pass on. :) Thank you for reading! Live long and prosper!

[leadandtreesdocx]

High Hopes

Fandom: Star Trek (2009)

Word Count: 2,202

Summary:  An alternate timeline begs for more differences, and this story explores one to do with Spock. Or, why the Spock in this reality is so emotional. Hint: It has to do with a girl.

Before Spock was born, the doctors and specialists loved to tell her of her chances to conceive. Or rather, lack thereof.

“Though similar in many aspects,” They would drone, trying to be delicate and tiptoe but at the same time firm enough to get the point across to this obviously simple human. “Vulcan and human physiology isn't compatible in this way. A naturally conceived child is highly improbable.”

Naturally, Amanda was upset by this. She had two sisters growing up and had always imagined children of her own. Little ones that would feel loved and cherished under her protection. When she got married, the vision was only slightly altered as she now wanted children with her husband. She approached Sarek with this topic, his response being irritatingly logical, as always.

“When we decided upon pursuing our relations, many possibilities came to the forefront of my mind. One of those was children and the rarity it is for humans and Vulcans to be suitable in a reproductive capacity. This is something I accepted early on.”

“But what if we grow to want children? What if I want to be a mother?” Amanda argued, growing exasperated by the unflinching nature of those around her. She didn't want complacency, she wanted solutions.

“As always, there are options. Besides adoption, cloning therapy has gone a long way in producing healthy offspring. However, I understand that many humans oppose this option for ethical reasons.” Amanda rolled her eyes and left to find a different opinion, her husband pondering on what, exactly, he had done wrong.

After this talk, as well as talks with her parents, siblings, and others, Amanda had given up any hope for a child of her own. She wanted a life with Sarek, and if this couldn't include a life with a child from both of them - she could live with it. She had just started to look into the options Sarek spoke of (boy or girl, Vulcan or human, none of the above?) when she went for a routine checkup and found herself three weeks pregnant.

Nine months passed and Spock was born, a tiny, wailing infant that came into the world in the spring. He had her eyes and Sarek’s ears and both of them were in love, even if it was only Amanda who showed it outwardly. They had a family.

And that was all Amanda ever wanted.

“Mother, what does this mean?” Amanda and Sarek paused their discussion and turned around to see a four year old Spock clutching the datapad they were currently discussing, one from her last medical appointment. He had a slightly alarmed expression on his face, not having learned to block out all emotion, especially at home. “Are you ill?”

Amanda laughed gently. “Not at all, dear.” She sent a warning look to her husband before leaning down to be on Spock’s level, smiling kindly. “It means that you're going to be having a sister.”

Spock blinked.

“You are… with child?”

Amanda laughed again, because his father had said the exact same thing the hour before when she told him. Sometimes their similarities couldn’t be more apparent.

“Yes, Spock. Are you excited to have a baby sister?”

Spock blinked again as his face settled into one of deep contemplation. His parents looked on as his young mind tried to formulate what he was (or was not) feeling.

“As an older brother,” Spock glanced up hesitantly at his father. “What do I have to do?”

Sarek thought about the answer before answering his son with his usual seriousness. “Older kin have a duty to pass on any and all knowledge to their legacies. In doing so, you have a responsibility to this person - one to protect them. Do you understand?”

“I,” Spock faltered, his face scrunching up a little in his confusion. “I believe so.”

Amanda positively beamed at him before kissing his head. “You'll do brilliantly, Spock. Like you always do.”

Spock blushed green, but preened under his mother’s attention.

“Why do they make fun of me, Spock?” Spock closed his book with a snap.

“Who makes fun of you?”

“My classmates, the neighbors, practically everyone that I pass in the hall.”

Spock looked pensive for a moment before simply saying, “I see.” And returning to his book, trying to play it off as if it was a trivial matter. Darda knew him better than that.

“I don't need any help,” His sister was quick to deny, and continued before he could respond. “I just don't understand.”

Darda had this annoying tendency to try and understand everything. Despite the irrationality of this, Spock found affection for his little sister in her passion. But this was matter he found need to discourage her from, because of her almost naïve, kind hearted nature. So he gave her a rare smile, one that spoke of bitterness and affection, before telling her the honest truth.

“And you never will, ko-kai.”

Her face started to crumble so he inquired about her studies, which she could prattle on about for days. As her mood soared with each detail, Spock felt a glimmer of satisfaction in the back of his mind that he would not acknowledge. Like his father had told him to do, Spock was protecting his sister in the only way he knew how. Never mind that he had the same doubts and questions, he was able to help her forget, even if just for a moment.

Spock had come to the conclusion quite a long time ago that though he could logically understand other Vulcans’ disdain for them as half-breeds, he would never quite be able to grasp the why involved. But some mysteries are meant to remain unsolved, Spock reasoned as Darda started talking about her recent lessons in history, this must be one of them.

“How big do you think Starfleet is? Is it bigger than the Academy?”

“Guessing is not productive,” Spock remarked without inflection, scrolling through the book he was reading. “You possess a data pad. It is within your reach.”

“Guessing is a game, kaisu. It's not meant to be productive, it's meant to be fun.”

“Regardless, it ceases to be a game when you already know the answer.”

Darda had done well in her studies, advancing beyond what anyone on Vulcan had predicted for her. She bypassed the Academy in favor of a school that would better help her attain the qualifications needed for her chosen field. Darda wanted to be an architect of all things. Inspired by the history books of Earth and the current marvels of Vulcan, she was already rising through the ranks due to her unique insight. There were not a great many things in which her knowledge surpassed the men in her family, but she was determined that this would be one of them. Whenever a single building was mentioned in a conversation, Darda most likely knew the exact dimensions and structural problems from her research. Starfleet had been no exception.

“Did you know,” Darda began speculatively. “That the Golden Gate Bridge has only a small portion of its original self still intact? When they set out to preserve it, they found so many of the original materials outdated or dangerous that they couldn't rationalize building it the same way. The original portion in no way helps the structural integrity and is held aside from visitors.”

“Fascinating.”

“I thought so.” They were both quiet for a moment, content in the silence before Spock glanced up from his book at the time and saw that he would need to leave now if he wanted to arrive home with enough time to check his bags before sleeping.

“I must leave to pack the rest of my belongings.” Spock started to collect his things and didn't see the heartbroken and slightly panicked expression on Darda’s face.

As Spock turned to leave, he heard her soft voice.

“I will miss you, you are aware.”

He turned back and allowed their eyes to meet, hers glassy and his a tad soft.

“I am.”

They both paused for a moment, the realization that this would be their last, real moment together a sobering one. He would be leaving Vulcan, leaving her the next day. Tomorrow would be spent around others and they would have to maintain the formalities expected of them, unable to give a last parting word without justifying the Council’s words. This was it for them, until they could meet again in the future. Due to their different life choices, that could be years.

Spock lifted his hand in the customary goodbye.

“Live long and prosper, ko-kai.”

Her lips wobbled into a smile as she raised her own hand.

“Live long and prosper.”

“You never loved her!”

Days after the dust had settled and hours after the most pressing meetings had been attended to, Spock sat in his room, a data pad on the table beside him and James Kirk’s words ringing in the air.

The doors slid open with a near silent whir, and Lieutenant Uhura stepped inside. She didn't say anything, just came and sat beside him. She saw the data pad lying on the table and wordlessly, Spock handed it to her.

Lieut- Nyota scrolled through the article.

“Did she build this?”

A nod.

She smiled, looking back down at the picture shown of a gorgeous cathedral. “It's beautiful.” She admitted. It was made to liken one of the older Roman cathedrals, but with better materials and a more practical layout. It was quite impressive, especially for her first project, not to mention -

“It's mediocre.”

Nyota started at his break from silence and his harsh words. She looked up at her love to explain. He didn't look at her but sighed as he stared off at some unseeing tragedy.

“She had so much more she wanted to do. Grand monuments, sprawling cities, ingenuous irrigation methods…” Spock trailed off before he spoke again, frustration coloring his words. “It's an insult that this was the only thing that came to pass. A waste.”

Nyota stared in disbelief at the irrational rational she had just been witness to. Spock was hurting, but his attempts to distance himself and by proxy belittle his sister’s life’s work enraged her. Instead of saying this, she was quiet for a moment before putting the pad in his lap, the picture of the church still enlarged.

“Can you really look at this and tell me that?” She pointed harshly at the work, hoping to draw Spock from his stupor. “From what you told me, she was dedicated but never did anything without truly meaning it. So logically, she couldn’t believe it to be a waste, otherwise it never would’ve been made. Your sister made this, Spock. Take time to appreciate it.”

She left him at that, to contemplate her simple words and hopefully find some closure. He did think about what she said, but he couldn't justify the beauty that was this church for the brilliance that was his sister. He had always held Darda in high esteem, sure of her as he was of anything. Darda was going to help so many in this universe, of that he had never a doubt.

But now she was gone and he just couldn't understand how this church could still stand with her absence.

Spock knew contacting his elder self wasn't a very thought out or pragmatic plan. But he wanted to know how Darda’s life would've played out without the destruction of Vulcan. Without the attack that he indirectly caused.

But when her name was brought into discussion, his alternate self could only stare in confusion.

It had never occurred to Spock that, in an alternate reality, his parents only miracle was him. In the original timeline, Amanda and Sarek never produced another child, but were quite happy with Spock as their only child together. Amanda died old, Sarek remarried, and the only ‘Darda’ Spock knew of was from Earth’s Bible.

The anniversary of his planet’s destruction was a rather somber affair. The captain had made arrangements for them to travel to New Vulcan, but a few violent Klingons delayed their trip.

So instead, they were having a small memorial on the ship. The mess hall had a shrine of sorts with pictures of loved ones messily taped on along with the new flag hung in the background.

Spock, having a year to think about it, put her cathedral there alongside a picture of his mother.

Kirk sidled up next to him.

“Who’s the church for?”

Kirk didn't mean it as an insult, but it smarted somewhat that hers wasn't a work so easily recognized. Instead of snapping with his newfound temper, Spock reflected on what the photo represented, especially to him.

“A remarkable woman.” Kirk looked at him in surprise, not expecting him to answer and unsure of the connection she could have with the Vulcan. “If you would excuse me, Captain.”

As Spock left, James realized that he hadn't really answered his question. But looking at the worn photo of a hauntingly beautiful cathedral hanging next to the pristine portrait of Spock’s mother, Kirk decided it was better not to ask.

Translations: ko-kai - sister kaisu - sibling

[brayinghorses]

Her Boots and the Sun

Written for Star Trek Femslash Big Bang 2017 @sapphicstartrek

Christine is in love with the sun.

Nyota was like the sun, in that Christine never could look directly at her, having to sneak glances, being hot and flustered when she was here, and complaining when she was gone. Christine could only ever see her clearly when Nyota left the room, and it was to bemoan the fact that she never truly appreciated how beautiful the sunset is.

Christine saw her the first day of college. She was resplendent, glowing in the sunlight as she walked up the stairs. She had smiled at Christine, and walked inside. Christine thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

As they became friends and grew closer during those years, Christine came to the conclusion that Nyota was also the most brilliant woman she'd ever have the pleasure of meeting.

When they graduated, Christine was going into bio-research and Nyota was assigned to a ship. Christine was sad to see her go, but then she met Roger, and she fell in love.

Roger disappeared. So she went to find him.

She had to join Starfleet. She could do that.

She was given a blue uniform and black boots. Blue for her medical background, boots for her future expeditions.

They’ll last a long time, the girl at the counter said. Mine have lasted countless moons.

Christine dons the blue and the boots. She is assigned to the Enterprise, under the command of Captain Kirk. She is the head nurse who works with the head doctor, Doctor McCoy.

She meets Second Officer Spock, and thinks he’s rather fancy. She begins to suspect she might fancy him.

Spock had shown her around the Enterprise on her first day, maybe that’s why she became so attached to him. But she owes him her life, because she walked straight into another girl, distracted she was by the windows and the view they provided. After getting up and helping pick up the scattered papers, she looked up at the girl, and felt her heart skip a beat.

It was Nyota. She had a red uniform and black boots, boots that’ll last countless moons.

Christine shook her head, rising so that she can hand Nyota the remaining papers.

“Oh, thank you,” Nyota said, taking them back. She smiled at her, having to look up even with the slight heel in her boots. “I’m sorry for running into you like that.”

Nyota didn’t recognize her. “Oh no, I’m the one who should be sorry, I was distracted by the view,” Christine explained, gesturing to the grand vista the windows offered. Nyota smiled fondly at the stars, and Christine felt all her old feelings resurging. The sun, the light, the warmth – Christine didn’t think she’d ever feel sunshine ever again.

“Oh, it’s fine. Every once in awhile, I remember to look up.” Nyota did just that, and it seemed that the stars shined brighter for one of their own.

“Uhura, I was just showing Chapel around the Enterprise. If you will excuse us, we will finish the last leg,” Spock said, smooth voice like velvet. Nyota looked back at him and nodded, smiling at Christine.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. Welcome aboard, Ms. Chapel,” Nyota said, and continued on her way.

Christine bid her adieu and saw her go. Spock neared her and asked, “Do you know Lieutenant Uhura, Ms. Chapel?”

Christine looked at him and nodded. “It seems that she doesn’t remember me. We were friends, best friends, back in university.”

Spock thought about this. “Perhaps she didn’t initially recognize you. It has been several years since you two have last seen each other. Just give her some time, and I’m sure that her memories of you will resurface.”

Wow. “Thank you, Mr. Spock. Now, shall we continue?”

“Oh yes, thank you for reminding me. Now, this floor has…”

A few days. A few days and Nyota will remember her. That’s all it’ll take.

They missed each other for a month, and the only reason why they even saw each other at all was when Christine brought Kirk papers to sign off medicines. While the Captain spoke to his Second Officer (and conveniently forgot the papers), Christine walked to Nyota. She was listening intently to static fuzz, and had to touch her shoulder to get her attention. Nyota looked as if shaken from a stupor and was elated to see Christine.

“Chapel!” she exclaimed, setting down her headset. “How have you been?”

Chapel. It seems that they’ll need another month.

“I’m doing well, thank you. I’m here because the Captain needs to give us the okay for some vaccines.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. What have you been up to?” Christine leaned on the rail, propping her face with her hand. Nyota smiled at the sight, finding her adorable. She leaned close to the rail and said, “I’ve been listening to static and trying to see if I can hear any incoming messages to relay to the Captain.” They both looked up at the Captain who suddenly got up, put Sulu in charge, and headed out to the elevator.

Christine sighed.

“I guess we have to illegally heal the sick engineers.”

Nyota’s laugh could have cured the lepers.

After that, they found time for each other. They’d walk to the rec center together, eat together, stargaze together. Any time McCoy needed papers signed or had to give reports to the Captain, Christine offered to go. She’d take any chance she could to see Nyota again. It had gotten to the point where Sulu would momentarily stop his work to make noises at the girls. Nyota slapped his shoulder, and Sulu went back to driving the ship.

For Kirk, she was a welcoming presence. She had even become a good friend to him. When he’d asked her why she joined Starfleet, she had to remember.

“To find my fiance.”

Has he disappeared? Yes. How long? Five years. What was the last you’d heard of him? He was on planet Exo III. One day his messages just stopped coming.

Would you like help?

… “That’d be very kind of you, Captain.”

“Please, call me Kirk.”

“Kirk.”

He’d promised her they’d get there, one day. Christine thanked him and left. When Nyota asked her later on why she was so different today, Christine told her she was engaged to a missing man.

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

After the Psi 2000 fiasco, the Enterprise managed to reach Exo III. Kirk and Christine beamed down, and found Roger. But it wasn’t Roger.

Back on board, Christine sat in her room and felt tears falling down her cheeks.

She decided to stay, with the Enterprise and her crew. She liked seeing things to an end, and now that she became a widow, she had nothing tying her down.

She had one thing.

It was as big as the sun.

Spock became her friend. Well, she thought they were friends. She had to direct her grief somewhere, and to her surprise, it was directed to Spock. Spock seemed like such a nice man, sarcastic and witty. He was rather fond of her, too. He’d give her guidance and advice on how to navigate the ship. She’d thank him.

Christine had seen him. Seen the way he looks at Kirk. The man may claim to not have feelings, but she saw him.

The tragic thing is, she’d also seen how Kirk looks at him.

They reminded her of how she looked at Nyota. No one had said anything about it, and Nyota seems not to have picked up on it. Christine, though regretfully, thanked the Heavens that she didn’t. Even though she wants the sun to look at her, she is but a dwarf.

One day, Spock pulled her aside, and said, “Ms. Chapel, it seems to me that you are afflicted with something. May I ask what it is?”

“Oh, I’m fine, Mr. Spock.”

“Are you sure? Because it seems that whenever you come to the bridge, you’re very happy and even have a bounce in your step. But during the time you’re there, you become nervous and agitated. Then when you leave, you walk quickly.”

Christine blushed under the scrutiny. “I do?”

Spock nodded. “Do you have any problems with the bridge personnel to cause such reactions?”

She looked away and shook her head.

“Because if you do, it would be best to confront the crewmember and tell them how you feel.”

She looked up at him at that. “Tell them how I feel? What type of advice to come from you, Mr. Spock.” She grinned at him and he sighed.

“Ms. Chapel, it’s illogical to keep things to yourself. If someone makes you feel a certain way, the only clear thing to do is to tell them, regardless of consequence. That way, you’ll be able to come to a solution, together.”

“Mr. Spock, then wouldn’t it be logical to talk to the Captain?”

“Why would I –” he stopped, realizing what she meant. He closed his mouth and straightened his posture.

“I will speak to the Captain once you speak to the Lieutenant.”

Christine raised her eyebrows.

“My dear Christine,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. He never touches anyone.

“Don’t be afraid to seek out the Sun. I know I have gazed at the Moon fondly enough to be filled with wonder and enchantment. Just because you can’t see the Sun doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

He patted her shoulder and left.

Christine was left in the middle of the hallway, thinking about stars and moons and celestial bodies and their movements.

The sun is sometimes too bright.

Christine was sitting by a window, looking down at her dark black boots. She had messaged Nyota to come see her, if she could spare the time.

“Of course I can spare the time!” Nyota had eagerly said.

Christine looked up at the sound of boots clicking on the floor. Everyone had boots, but these were special.

Nyota glided and it seemed she beckoned the light to her. Christine felt the urge to fix her hair. She stood up instead and held her hands to Nyota, who took them and smiled at her.

“Christine, hello, what happened?” Nyota led them to where Christine was originally sat. Christine looked down at their clasped hands, closed her eyes, and decided to look at the sun.

“Nyota, do you remember me?”

Nyota’s breath hitched. “What do you mean?”

“Nyota, when I first saw you, I was struck by the memory of you. We were best friends in university, then you left for Starfleet and I went into bioresearch. Then I met Roger, and we fell in love, and he left, and he died, and it doesn’t really matter, because even though I joined Starfleet looking for him, I stayed in Starfleet to look at you. And –” Christine paused, feeling her face already red with embarrassment at her own words. Nyota looked at her with adoring eyes.

Christine gulped. She could drown in the brown abyss that are her eyes.

She looked into the stellar abyss instead.

“Do you remember me?”

A moment passed. Christine felt a hand holding her cheek, guiding her to look back at Nyota.

“I never forgot you.”

“No?” Christine perked up at that.

Nyota shook her head. “No. I knew who you were, I didn’t know if you remembered me?”

“How could I forget the woman I love after only a few years?”

Nyota raised her eyebrows. “You love me?”

For once, Christine didn’t know what to say. So she nodded.

Nyota held her hands, and made Christine the happiest woman in the world by saying,

“I love you too.”

Later on, Kirk was the one crying when he married them. Christine and Nyota kissed and the room applauded for them. They were happily married, and would continue to love each other for the rest of their years.