#but on iPad it’s exactly where I want it soooo
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I wanted to do an Alfons Mucha inspired piece since forever
#the locked tomb#harrow the ninth#harrowhark nonagesimus#harrow the first#harrow the 9th#tlt fanart#gideon the ninth#griddlehark#well kinda#hard to tell#things ive made#art nouveau#is that how it’s spelled#I pray to all gods that this looks good on other peoples screens bc on my phone it looks pretty bad colors wise#like so very dark AND unsaturated#but on iPad it’s exactly where I want it soooo#I’m trusting the iPad here 🤧🤧🤧
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looking for alaska by john green
as with all my review posts, *spoiler warning*
well well well folks. i am officially finished with my first year of college and my exams. since moving from my small town high school to an ivy league - i can now say that i am a mediocre student - at best. i went from someone who had all A’s during high school to having half of my transcript be B’s and B-. And even so, I still had the best time. I can’t wait to leave my hell hole of a house to go back in June, because I miss the city so much already. (I think it’s something having to do with the sun being out now, because I wanted to go home soooo bad when it got cold - i am not a cold person).
In my scrumptious 16 hour car ride back home, i took up one of my previous pastimes - reading. because I was in the car, I only had the selection of books which i had previously downloaded on my iPad - one of them being Looking for Alaska by John Green.
I have mixed feelings about this book. I reallyyy want to like it. I do. I really do. But for some reason I just can’t. I don’t like how the book is built around the one central point and it happens halfway thru the book.
We never got to see Pudge and Alaska in their moment. There was so much buildup and then suddenly it was gone. And Pudge got super annoying and thank GOD the characters were able to recognize this and tell it to him. However because the story is told from Pudge’s point of view, we have to put up with him.
Pudge is unlikeable. He’s lowkey narcissistic and a pick-me. He thinks that no one wanted to be friends with him in high school because he just wasn’t cool or because he was too skinny. This really bothered me.
Alaska is unlikeable. She’s manipulative, especially toward Pudge. She would get jealous when Pudge would be with Lara, but she wouldn’t want to be with Pudge. And she knew that she could control Pudge.
The only likeable characters were Colonel and the Eagle. I actually really liked the Eagle. And Takumi and Lara but they were so minor that they didn’t even add much to the story.
The story was too short. I feel like John could have expanded the story so much. It ended so abruptly. It felt like we were just finally getting to understand the characters and how they act with one another and then *boom* climax of the story and then its over. that was it. too short and too abrupt of an ending.
the climax didn’t make an sense. the story felt like John knew he wanted Alaska to die, but then wrote the story before he had figured out how. It felt like John didn’t even know how she died either. And i didn’t like this. I don’t like being in the same state of ‘not knowing’ as the author. I like being kept in the dark, if it means that the reveal is coming later on. It never came. I was still left confused. “Yeah but that’s the point, you’re supposed to come to your own conclusion like Pudge and Colonel” Shut up. Just shut up. You sound like you’re trying to justify bad writing. Shut up.
There should have been more buildup to the car crash. And the book would have been better if it was told from both perspectives of both Pudge and Alaska. Because it would be better for the audience to know exactly what was going through Alaska’s head.
The part where she just storms out and has to drive to see her mother at 3 am was so abrupt and stupid too. It made no sense. She would have been too drunk to even remember, which is what they made a point of at first. Also she never would have been able to drive straight. Her committing suicide made NO SENSE. and john made a point of that through the characters’ investigations and THEY EVEN SAID IT MADE NO SENSE FOR HER. this is why there should have been a perspective from alaska. it was just lazy writing in my opinion to have not had that.
i hate this book. i hate this book. it had so much potential and then it felt like john got in a rush at the end and rushed the ending. the buildup was so good and then he just ruined it.
rating: 4/10
it pains me to give this rating, can someone please make a fan version of the novel that is actually good, im begging.
#john green#looking for alaka#looking for alaska#the fault in our stars#john green books#book#booktok#book review#looking for alaska review#book tumblr#john green sucks#looking for alaska sucks#pudge#miles halter#alaska young#the colonel#takumi#lara
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not you responding to my ask and mentioning the ghostface!jaemin Scream ask bc both of those were me LMAO also now that you've mentioned the playgirl and stranger in my house fics THOSE ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAVES and I loooove the people you picked for them it was great visual aid and exactly how I'd want to picture those characters looking if that makes sense? I'm also the anon that mentioned that I love how you carry yourself so to add to that I think its kinda iconic to have this very whimsical bratz aesthetic blog and have both fluffy and dark content. Like it feels like it's for the girls and the gays and those who GET IT!! I was reading a while back the psychology of women enjoying reading/watching dubcon/noncon content and how it's not at all the same as if it was men who were watching it. Something about how women can enjoy a sexual fantasy that is dark because the purpose of it is it's a fantasy and that gives them control over it and that in turn can help heal some trauma. Idk about everyone else but I get deeply affected by any sort of news coverage or real stories that touch on that but I enjoy knowing in the female safe fantasy world we can have a safe space where were allowed to heal in our own way? Hopefully that made ANY sense lol And to answer you writing the characters another one of the things I love about this blog is were literally attracted to the same type of people so I never have to switch out a member in my head when im reading bc I love all your picks🫡🎀 IM SO SORRY THIS WAS LONG OMFG
hi hi hiiii welcome back to my inbox teehee 😁
TBH I KINDA THINK I KNEW IT WAS YOU I RECOGNIZED YOUR VIBES i added the parenthetical abt scream in the last message bc i wasn’t 100% sure it was you LMAO
pl4yg1rl was written at such an interesting time in my life whenever i think abt it i think abt how i used to go to the library like EEEEVERY day (a diff one. not the one i go to now) and i remember soooo vividly that while i was working on the fic i tried to update my ipad and the whole doggone thing shut tf down like an unresponsive, repeatedly rebooting block of metal. and i had to take this bus to best buy which was Fairly Far From Me and then they couldn’t fix it they were like “ur motherboard is fried” and i was like “ive had this thing for like a year and change. it hasn’t been that long” then they sent me to apple so i had to take a diff bus on a diff day to an apple store near me (read: it was not, in fact, near me at all) and the girl fixed it like immediately . (it had run out of storage and didn’t have room for the update but instead of Saying That, it just shut down. poor thing) she restored it to factory settings or whatever like she wiped it and made it brand new and i’ve been w my lovely baby going strong ever since 💖 but yeah that fic will always remind me of the time bc i was sooooo stressed and i was using my mom’s ipad in the meantime which just Felt Wrong :/ and unfamiliar :(
ANYWAY OMG THANK YOU i take finding my inspo photos veeeeeery seriously 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ i be hunting fr just. SCOURING google images, pinterest, instagram, u name it. the things i go through…..reDONKulous. smh my head
omg heehee thank you fr OMG BRATZ…… i never had a bratz doll actually my mom didn’t like the way they were designed she said they were too fresh :P but bratz are such a vibe i should actually lean more into bratz than barbie they’re like . serving cunt yknow? and tbh EYE would like to serve cunt as well 🙂↕️🙂↕️
and as for the psychology of it omg you just triggered something in me (i love psychology) (i’m literally going back to school for it hehe) i def get that !! like that makes a lot of sense 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ if i may be a bit tmi for a second i feel like for me….. i am into a very specific type of dubcon/noncon where . essentially … the victim is just like . worshipped and the aggressor gets so much satisfaction out of making the victim feel good and cum and whatnot 🙂↕️ like … think jav porn but like the . noncon ones . but just the foreplay mhm mhm. good stuff . i almost always exit whatever i’m watching as soon as a dick comes out i’m ngl 😭😭 and if i MAY psychoanalyze myself for a moment (ofc i can it’s my blog lol duh) i think it has a lot to do w like . the like . trauma from my childhood that like . has very much carried into my adult life to this day unforch :/ dark content can definitely be a source of comfort for people, myself included, and i just wish ppl were free to be more open about it without worrying about being judged :/ sigh
tbh i do not watch the news i do not keep up with the news at all actually …. i have a habit of despairing over things i can’t control and so i stopped looking at the news bc it’s almost always. Bad News 😭😭😭 and if i can’t do anything about it…. why do i need to hear about it…..you feel me? but you’re very valid your sensitivity to topics like that in the news like In Real Life is very understandable and honestly i would even say expected….
but yes yes i agree entirely 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ my personal way of healing via dark content is reading about and also writing very twisted takes on being loved/desired unconditionally 💖 (i wish i hadn’t ranted already bc i lowkey wanted to rant abt the specific genre of dubcon/noncon i’m into bc . well. *marge simpson voice* i just think it’s neat. but i also don’t want to reveal too much abt myself yknow? oh well soo la voo ig) it just hits different when the person doing the noncon-ning, like, Cares? about the person being noncon-ned like it’s SOOOO SICK N TWISTED BC SIR YOU DO NOT LOVE HER!!! UNHAND HER AT ONCE!! but they’re like dead set on making the person being noncon-ned enjoy it like they want them to feel GOOD ugh like they’re selfish…. but for your benefit….. but not…. are you following me??
OH PERIOD WE HAVE SIMILAR TASTE 🙂↕️🙂↕️ LOVE THIS FOR US HEHE and DON’T APOLOGIZE IT’S OKAY I LOVED READING YOUR MESSAGE AND REPLYING TO IT 😁😁
OKAY IM GONNA ATTEMPT TO LOCK IN SIIIIIGH WISH ME LUCK 💖💖💖💖
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COVID = Increased Availibility
For those interested, there’s a TL;DR at the bottom of this gigantic thing.
So, COVID, amiright?
Anyways, as I’m sure is the case with most of the world, Florida has been put under a “self-isolation quarantine”, and we’re having to practice the now infamous social distancing when we go out. Before that took place, my and my wife’s employer (a very famous Mouse) told us they were closing for the foreseeable future until the sitch with COVID-19 improves (unfortunately, neither of our jobs can be done remotely, but we still have them, thankfully—we’re actually still being paid through the 18th of this month, and will be furloughed after that until the Mouse deems it safe to reopen). As a result, the wife and I have been staying home almost constantly lately. If it weren’t for FaceTime and Zoom, we’d probably be going out of our minds with the lack of social interaction.
BUUUUT......On the bright side, that means I have a lot more free time to work on the creative projects that I’ve had little time for the past few months. There are a lot of them, but I wanted to cover some of the highlights here:
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My Kim Possible fanfiction universe, Plausible Possibilities, over at fanfiction.net/~americangecko
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Don’t worry about this ongoing project—it is FAR from dead. I simply haven’t had the time lately to work on it. Not to mention that almost everything I had as far as notes, drawings, and other notable materials pertaining to it, has been trapped on a jump drive that I can’t access due to my wife’s laptop not wanting to charge anymore. (If you’re confused, I actually have an iPad now, and am currently working on my projects on it for the foreseeable future—that’s actually where I’m typing this journal up at the moment.). However, I’ve been working on remembering as much as I can about where I wanted this stuff to go, and so far I’ve been remembering far more than I expected to. Hopefully that means I can have an update out in the very near future.
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Kim Possible fanart for DA for my fanfiction and other miscellaneous
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Again, still in the pipes, but also mostly stuck on the aforementioned jump drive. However, this might be slightly more difficult to produce in the near future, due to the previously mentioned computer problems. I’ve been trying to find a decent drawing app for the iPad, but seeing as I can’t exactly afford an Apple Pencil—big shock there, I know—I’ve been struggling with them since most have a feature of touch sensitivity that I can’t access. Or, you know, they cost money I can’t afford (damn, I hate being broke). But either way, I’m doing my best to add to my meager KP gallery
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Personal manga 1 – Working Title: Wolf Maiden Tsukiko
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Soooo…for those that don’t know me, I’ve always had this unusual fascination with werewolves/lycanthropes. And unfortunately, to my dismay, most of the time they are depicted as the bad guys or sidekicks to the heroes. And 9/10 times, when it’s werewolves vs. vampires, the vampires are the good guys while the werewolves are the villains. Hell, even things like the Underworld series (with the exception of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans) or the Twilight series cast werewolves in secondary or villainous roles
Well, I’m doing something about that. For many years, I’ve been toying with the idea of creating my own comic/manga/graphic novel where the werewolves are the protectors of humanity. And with the recent uptick in my free time due to the quarantine, that old train of thought has been rolling more and more on this idea. I’ve even started mapping out characters and story ideas for it, as well as the beginnings of layouts. So far, I’ve got Point A, Point B, Point C, Point D, etc., partially established, and now I just have to figure out how to get there. But at least the train isn’t stalled on the tracks anymore.
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Personal manga 2 – Working Title: HYBRIDS
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Blame my fascination with werewolves, but for the past few years I’ve become more interested in anthro-style comics and animations. You could also point the finger at Disney’s Zootopia, Dreamworks Kung Fu Panda series, or any number of “anthro-animal” cartoons I saw as a kid (proud fan of ‘80’s TMNT, Looney Tunes, Tiny Toon Adventures, etc.). I’ve also started re-watching one of my favorite classic anime, s-CRY-ed, as well as Netflix’s new Beastars (I absolutely love Legoshi, Haru, and Louis). Anyway, a few years back, when I first heard that Disney was working on the movie about Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, it jogged something from my brain.
When I was younger, I’d developed an idea for a cartoon that was a sort of hybridization (pun not intended, unfortunately) of s-CRY-ed and Marvel’s X-Men series, but featuring human/animal hybrids. I’d developed it to the point that I had determined it would follow twin brothers, both of whom could transform into the same hybrid (I originally thought wolves—blame the werewolf addiction), and who were recruited into a special law-enforcement-style group composed of other hybrid characters and worked to take down hybrid criminals and other threats. I even came up with a few of the villain groups, and determined that the brothers would have different experiences and thus reactions to their environment and those around them.
Now, also thanks to the quarantine, that train has also gained a little bit of coal in the furnace and started moving on the tracks again.
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A few…ahem…stories/novels of a Mature nature
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I don’t know if they’ll ever see the light of day here or over at DA, but I’ve been working on several written stories of a more…Mature nature for several years now. I may even eventually create another DA account to feature them, but that’s a colossally gigantic ”MAYBE” right now. Lately, however, when I’ve needed a break from one of the other projects I’ve been working on during the quarantine, this is what I find myself working on. These are actually the most developed of my various projects (apart from my Kim Possible fanfiction), and I’ve actually been looking at maybe sending one or two to an adult books publisher. Who knows if I’ll ever actually get one of them complete enough to follow through, but we’ll see what happens.
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Other various projects
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Of course, there are other projects I’ve been working on, but there’s so many that it would take forever to list them. So I’ll just include them here and say that none of them should be considered dead by any means. Life support, maybe, but they all can relate to Not-Dead-Fred (“I’m not dead yet! I feel happy! I feel…HAPPY!”) from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Monty Python’s Spamalot fame in that they’re not quite finished yet.
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ANYWHOOOO, that’s the update. So far, both the wife and I have avoided any big or life-altering complications from the COVID crisis, and hopefully this continues to be the case. Meanwhile I’ll continue moving these ideas along during the quarantine, and hopefully finish at least ONE by the time this crazy sitch has passed us all by.
Stay safe, everyone!
~ A.G.
TL;DR
The COVID quarantine, while not yet personally affecting my health, has left me with enough free time that I am resuming work on several of my creative projects.
#art#Kim Possible#Wolf Maiden Tsukiko#HYBRIDS#Mature Stories#Adult Stories#fanfiction#DeviantArt#FF.net#writing#Update
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Life Without You-After Michael
A/N: The first of my three Valentine’s Day Drabbles/non-drabbles. LOL This part is 100% from the reader’s P.O.V. Or at least that’s how I hope it comes off as. Enjoy!
Sam made it his priority to keep me unseen by Michael. Which was no problem anyway as he seemed more interested in torturing the hunters living in the bunker than seeking out his vessel's girlfriend.
I stayed hidden in one of the only empty rooms left since we had saved the Apocalypse world people and brought them here. The room was mostly bare, save for a bed and a chest of drawers. Sam had Maggie bring me a set of sheets and a blanket seeing as how no one knew how long Michael would be running amok.
I had to beg the young female hunter to go into mine and Dean's room to get me some different clothing. She wanted to respect our privacy, which was sweet, but I didn't want to be stuck in the same outfit for days.I didn’t know how long I would be hiding out, keep myself and my child safe from the archangel possessing its father.
One week. Seven days I stayed hidden. Michael terrorized the bunker for a few days before turning bored and deciding to go out and create an army. Or so that is what they told me when Sam finally deemed it safe enough for me to return to society. I was grateful for the extra lengths he had taken to keep me and his niece or nephew safe but being cut off from everyone had definitely not been fun. Everyone was working on finding a way to track Michael when Sam got a lead and him, Mary and Bobby took off to follow it. I wished them all luck and promised to return to hiding if, for some reason this was a decoy to lure the more experienced hunters away so Michael could come in and brainwash the newer generation.
When they returned, it had been quiet on the homefront. Sam had called ahead to let me know that they had found Dean. Not Michael, Dean! Apparently the archangel hadn’t been able to convert anyone and gave up. No one knew where he was and to be honest, I couldn’t care less. I was getting Dean back!
I was a myriad of emotions, waiting for their return. Of course I was still pissed as hell at Dean for saying yes and letting Michael take over, I was anxious to see him though...it had been forever since I had been able to look into his loving green eyes and I was worried! Worried that he would be upset about the baby growing inside me. This life wasn’t the type of life to raise a baby in and it hadn’t been like we were even trying but hey, things happen, right? When I heard the bunker door open I was undecided on what to do. Do I meet them at the bottom of the stairs? Do I sit here hiding the very obvious bump I was sporting behind the table in the library? If I had any inclination on how Dean was going to take the news of the impending arrival of our child I would know exactly what to do. I resolved to just stay where I was and hopefully be able to break the news to him slowly.
That went right out the window when Dean came rushing into the library, straight to me and pulled me up out of the chair and into his arms. “Oh my god! I have missed you so much,” he cried into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held tightly, relishing in the feel of being in his embrace once again. I had missed it more than I realized. Dean stilled and I knew then that he felt it; felt the barrier keeping our bodies from being flushed. He pulled away and looked at me before glancing down. “You’re pregnant?” he asked. I couldn’t determine if it was a happy tone in his voice, a wistful one or if he was just completely repulsed by the fact.
“Uh, yea. Due in about 15 weeks.”
“You’re having my baby?” he asked, a smile gracing his face. Oh thank god!
“I am. I was going to tell you once we defeated Lucifer, but--”
“But I said Yes and disappeared. Oh my god! Babe I am so fucking sorry. I didn’t know!”
“I know,” I whispered as I lay my palm against his cheek. “I know.”
He smiles again and then pulls me to him, kissing me softly but passionately. When Sam clears his throat to alert us to other in the room, we break apart looking sheepishly.
“Come on, babe. I need to change out of this monkey suit and cuddle with you,” Dean says, taking my hand and leading me down the hallway.
Sam walks up behind us, heading to his own room. Dean looks back at his brother and shutters.
“Would you please shave now? It’s just every time I think about it, you know. It's like a nightmare. I mean I can’t eat, I can’t sleep - it’s always just there watching me."
I wonder briefly what he is talking about until I hear Sam sigh and say, "Dean, it’s just a beard. I’ve been a little busy lately."
Dean doesn't let up though. He just keeps on, stopping in the middle of the hallway to continue his teasing. "Yeah well that’s not an excuse, cos you know Duck Dynasty called and they want it all back."
Sam is quick on the rebuttal, saying, "Some people say I look good." He straightens his stance and stiffen his shoulder.
"No Sam. No people say that."
I slap Dean's chest and look at Sam. "Hey! I think it looks nice. Very dignified."
Dean rolls his eyes and mutters "Traitor" and gives me a wink when I look at him.
Once in our bedroom, I sit on the bed and watch as Dean looks around, almost as if he is re-memorizing all the little aspects of our lives that he missed.
“Soooo?” I ask, not sure how to go about asking him if he is truly him and if he is actually okay.
“So, I don’t know. Michael bailed. I don’t know why and don’t know how: he just cleared out. Now as far as my memory goes, I mean everything from the second I said yes to the moment I walked through those doors is a blank. So, I’m good. I’m just really, really, happy to be home. Back with you. I missed you so much. I thought about you constantly.”
“I missed you too Dean,” I said trying to fight back a sob. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I had already adapted to the fact that I’d be raising this one alone. I’m so glad I don’t have to now.” I said smiling through the tears. “Mary has been a godsend, so helpful and teaching me things I never knew about pregnancy and after the baby is born. Speaking of her, where is she and Bobby?”
“They stayed back in Duluth to clean up--” he pauses, looking for the correct phrase. “-the situation. And speaking of cleaning up. I need a freaking shower. I don’t know what all that douche had me doing but I feel defiled! We’ll cuddle and you can tell me all about our child after?” I nod as I watch him pull out his regular jeans and a flannel and head off to the bathroom. Dean is back and happy about the baby! I lay back on the pillows to wait for him.
Finding the scar on his right upper bicep was a big surprise. Apparently something, somewhere had fought the archangel and whatever weapon they used was strong enough to injure his vessel beyond repair! So instead of staying to ourselves and cuddling, enjoying talking about the baby, we were now in the library with Sam, Cas and Jack. I sit beside Dean, holding his left hand as they all study the wound.
"Cas I’m going to need you to get in my head, do the whole Vulcan mind meld thing because if I can’t remember what happened I’m going to need you to drag it out of me, ok? " Dean tells them.
"Wait a second, you sure about this? " Sam, the ever present pessimist of the group asks. I can tell he is just worried about his brother and what having Castiel dig into his memories of his possession could lead to.
"Yeah, I can handle it." Dean squeezes me hand and looks up at his brother.
Cas stands behind us and looks conflicted. "Dean," he begins and it sounds almost like he is going to try to talk Dean out of doing this. But he knows, as well as I do, this needs to happen. We need to know what caused that injury on his arm.
"Cas, c’mon hit me, " Dean demands.
Cas sighs as he places his hands on each side of Dean's head and closes his eyes. He then places one on the scar and I watch as his eyes move back and forth behind his lids.
"Dean, who was that?" Cas asks as he takes his hand away, quickly.
It was determined that whatever the weapon was, it was a large sword with two large, thick prongs; like a big meat fork and wielded by a being from another dimension. Sam goes to call Jody and I listen in as they tell her Dean is back and then ask about the Bad Place, the other world they had traveled to trying to find Mary and ultimately killed Kaia, the one who had opened the portal. Jody tells them that she's heard nothing but that she has victims on her desk with the same injuries. Sam and Dean decided quickly that they were going to Sioux Falls to help Jody figure out what is going on; how whatever that being was how it got to this world and why it was attacking people.
Once again, I stayed back at the Bunker. Which truthfully, I didn't mind a bit. I was used to it, I liked it. Being able to be there if and when they needed information from one of the many lore books in the library or just a friendly voice to hear when the case was running long and difficult. I was worried about Dean going up against the one person who obviously had it out for him, or at least Michael. Would they pause long enough to see that the archangel was no longer in control should they meet up? Would I get Dean back just to lose him all over again? I busied myself with helping Cas and Jack deal with the young girl who one of the hunters had saved on a witch hunt.
We ultimately save the girl from the hex and the hunters who found her takes her back to her mother. When Sam and Dean get back they have even more questions than they had before they left. But Dean….Dean is bound and determined to hole up in our room with snacks and a marathon of cheesy horror flicks. He pulls me away from the crowd and we lay on the bed and veg out, watching villains take out their vengeance on their prey. We are on our third slasher flick when Sam enters. He has his ipad in his hand and looks uptight and on edge. Dean takes his eyes off the screen and is shocked to see that Sam has indeed finally shaved. The older Winchester mentions it and Sam acquiesces.
“Yes I shaved,” he says with a roll of his eyes.
“I mean, it’s so smooth. It’s like a dolphin’s belly,” Dean says and I can’t help but giggle earning us both a signature Sam Winchester bitchface. Sam pulls up the desk chair and sits down.
"Well I hate to disturb your marathon, but I think I found us a case."
Dean asks nonchalantly, "More Michael monsters?"
"No, killer toy." That gets both of our attention. Dean sits up and looks at his brother.
"What kind of toy?".
After watching the video Dean seems amused and interested."Thundercats? Seriously?"
"Yeah. But I mean, you’ve got your pizza, your girl, at least eight more of these movies so I’ll just leave you to it and I’ll get one of the other guys…"
Dean jumps up off the bed. "Oh, hell no, hell no. No, Panthro, that’s mine!" Then he looks back at me apologetically. "Sorry baby. I got to go check this out. We'll finish when I get back?"
I nod and watch as he follows Sam out of the room, asking a million questions. I sigh and get up, clearing the bed of empty wrappers and what is left of the pizza we had been munching on.
Dean was on an all-time high when they returned from Ohio; he had went up against and defeated one of his most favorite bad guys, the Hatchet Man. He came rushing into the bedroom where I was with a goofy smile on his face and made me lay beside him while he told me all about it. From dodging flying chainsaws to battling the ghost possessing a David Yeager life-size figurine.”I killed Hatchet Man, babe. Like kill-killed him! Dead. By. My. Hands!”
I giggle at his enthusiasm and then he jumps up off the bed suddenly. “Come on, babe. Let’s go out. Get dressed. I’m taking you out tonight.”
Dean took me a nice romantic restaurant where we enjoyed the food, each other’s company and talked about the baby. Although he was anxious and apprehensive about bringing a baby into this fucked up world we live in, he was enthusiastic about adding another Winchester to our lives. When we were finished eating, before he went to pay, Dean Winchester fully and thoroughly surprised me when he got down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant and took my hand in his. “You have been my only light in this dark world for so long and I don’t know what I would do without you. We have helped each other through the good times and the bad. You have been beside me every step of the way. And now, we are adding another to the mix. The love between us has given new meaning to the saying breath of life. You and this baby are the most important people to me and I don’t want to be apart from you ever again. Will you marry me?”
And if anyone asks, I was so totally not a crying, bumbling mess as I said the only word that question deserved.
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my 42 favorite quotes from code bc i’m avoiding homework again
“‘I re-jiggered the settings to ignore trash metal. No more false alarms.’ ‘No more anything. It just beeps.’” (12)
“‘This game is popular?’ Ben was sitting on his tackle box in the shade of a large elm. ‘Sounds pretty nerdtastic to me.’ ‘We can’t all practice birdscalls like you.’” (18)
“‘This watch is low-rent. Plus, I’m getting a new one for my birthday. But you owe me, Stolowitski.’ ‘Owe you what?’ Hi said. ‘Who wears a wristwatch anymore? Cavemen?’” (22)
“‘Coop really doesn’t like that box.’ I knelt and rubbed the edgy wolfdog’s snout. ‘It better not be stuffed with dead squirrels or something.’ … ‘It’s not a rodent coffin!’ Hi huffed. ‘This cache is legit. You’ll see.’” (22-23)
“‘Don’t use up too much drive space,’ I warned, watching the screen from over his shoulder. ‘We bought this stuff to research parvovirus, not so you can watch “Boom Goes the Dynamite” twenty times a day.’” (53)
“Frustrated, Hi rose and wandered to the computer. ‘I’m going to check my email.’ ‘I’m going to kill myself,’ Ben muttered. Shelton ignored them.” (56)
“Soooo many dorks,’ Ben muttered, his coal-black eyebrows forming a steep V. ‘A giant nerd army, digging up plastic boxes they hide for each other.’ ‘Like everything you do is cool,’ Hi snorted. ‘Still have that ninja costume you wore to my twelfth birthday party?’” (62)
“‘Wait.’ Ben glanced from face to face. ‘We’re actually going to pursue this nonsense? We suddenly care what this fruitcake hid in a box somewhere?’” (65)
“‘We’ve got over an hour before dark.’ I yanked my hair into a ponytail. ‘Let’s show Mr. Gamemaster how quickly Virals solve puzzles.’ … ‘We’ve got to work on our decision-making process.’ Shelton was shaking his head. ‘Right now, we just follow Tory over every cliff.’” (74)
“Hi called into the black. ‘Your cache is mine, clown! I’m coming to getcha! Uncle Hiram’s got the scent!’ His words echoed in the darkness as he scrambled through the opening. ‘Zip it!’ Shelton hiss-whispered. ‘This building is struggling to hold your buck-sixty. Don’t yodel the roof down on our heads.’” (82-83)
“‘This is stupid.’ Shelton started toward the doorway. ‘Let’s bounce. We can toss that iPad in the freaking harbor.’” (90)
“‘Watch where you’re going,’ Ben snapped. ‘I am,’ Jason said dryly. ‘I’m going to chat with Tory.’” (100)
“‘Hey, check this weirdo out.’ Hi was inspecting a bust on the mantel. ‘This face is ninety percent eyebrow. What do you wanna bet he owned slaves?’ Scowling to match the carving’s expression, Hi spoke in a gravelly voice. ‘In my day, we ate the poor people. We had a giant outdoor grill, and cooked up peasant steaks every Sunday.’” (106-107)
“‘State your business.’ ‘To see my father.’ A beat. ‘That’s usually going to be my business, FYI.’” (112)
“Hudson’s eyes narrowed. ‘Dodgeball?’ ‘District champs.’ Hi pounded his chest. ‘I’m a gunner. The key is to reach the balls first, and then throw with a little touch of spin, so that—’” (113)
“Jason had attended debutante balls. Knew the drill. My crew would have to conduct research on YouTube. Jason was popular on the cotillion scene. My guys weren’t even on the radar. Asking Jason would get Whitney off my back. Inviting only Morris Island boys might plummet her into a depression.” (132)
“I wore a white tank and jeans, shooting for ‘sexy-casual.’ Hoping it wasn’t ‘left farmhouse, got lost.’” (170)
“‘It has to mean something!’ Hi slapped a knee in frustration. Shelton glanced up from his iPhone, but when Hi didn’t elaborate he resumed surfing. … ‘Care to elaborate?’ I was sitting between Hi and Shelton in the stern. ‘Or was that a yoga move I don’t know?’” (233)
“Hi looked at me strangely. ‘We’re a little busy Friday night.’ ‘Busy? Doing what?’ The boys exchanged a look. Hi snorted. ‘I don’t know about you,’ Shelton said, ‘but I’m escorting my friend Victoria to her debutante ball.’” (235)
“‘Your advice, remember? No fear?’ Instantly regretted. I didn’t want Chance thinking about last summer. ‘Oh, I recall.’ Chance smiled thinly. ‘I haven’t crashed on your floor so many times that I’d forget.’” (240)
“‘I found something interesting,’ Marchant continued. ‘Are you free to meet? I’m headed out for a caffeine fix in thirty minutes.’ Um, what? Did this guy not understand I was fourteen? Bolton wasn’t big on students popping out for midday lattes.” (245)
“‘Ben, stop the boat.’ He looked at me funny. ‘We’re in the middle of the ocean, Victoria.’ ‘Stop the damn boat!’ Ben rolled eyes, but eased off the throttle. Sewee decelerated until we just bobbed along with the current. ‘Did you want to jump in?’ Ben asked dryly. ‘Water’s pretty cold in October.’” (251-252)
“‘Okay, people.’ Ben crossed his arms. ‘Care to share?’ ‘No big deal.’ Shelton’s tone was nonchalant. ‘Just a quick stop at Mepkin Abbey to get a new headshot of Mr. Dead Guy.’” (260)
“‘Options?’ Ben asked as he pulled out onto the highway. ‘I think some charitable work might be in order,’ Hi said. ‘I’m not a Jesus man, but I’m pretty sure getting ripped a new one by a monk is bad karma in any religion.’” (264)
“‘Oh man, she really did it this time!’ ‘Should we call the nurse?’ Panicky. ‘An ambulance?’ ‘And say what, exactly?’ hissed a third. ‘That our friend passed out after some bad telepathy?’” (271)
“‘She’s coming around!’ The roundest shape coalesced into Hi. ‘Tor? You okay? If you’ve gone vegetable, blink at me.’” (271)
“My splitting headache had proved the experiment had been dangerous. Had I learned my lesson? Probably not.” (273)
“Hi, naturally, had opted for flair. His tux was crushed purple velvet with tails, accented by all white silk—tie, vest, gloves, and suspenders. He completed the outfit with a freaking top hat and cane. Whitney had nearly fainted on seeing him.” (279)
“‘Those who enlist complete a rigorous program combining academics, physical fitness, and military discipline.’ … ‘So—book learning, push-ups, and war games.’ Hi ticked off fingers as he spoke. ‘Check, check, and check. Plus gray is my sexy color.’” (279)
“‘Paging Miss Brennan.’ Chance waved a hand before my eyes. ‘You okay?’ No. ‘Yes. I’m just…surprised I’ll be first.’ ‘I’m sure you’ll dazzle. Until then.’” (286)
“‘Gamemaster?’ Jason looked confused. ‘Search the basement? What are you talking about?’ ‘Oh, we’re, um, playing a pretty fierce game of Dungeons and Dragons,’ Hi stammered. ‘I’m, like, the head…unicorn master, and Tory has to find my magic…beans. Seeds.’” (299)
“‘Always trapped!’ Shelton actually stamped a foot. ‘Always underground! If we get out of here, I’m moving to a high-rise on a mountain-top. Penthouse! And y’all ain’t invited!’” (304)
“‘I assume there’s no antique cash register in need of special oil?’ Jason said. No one bothered to answer.” (331)
“He launched into an improvised tale of woe and misfortune. We’d found ourselves in the dark. Flustered and disoriented, we’d blundered through an emergency exit. Then we’d tumbled down a staircase in a complicated domino sequence that incorporated each one of us. The story was bizarre, confusing, and wildly improbable. They’d bought it without hesitation.” (333)
“‘Yet you four ripped the grate from its tracks. Then you ripped the tracks from the wall, bending the metal bars like they were drinking straws. How? How is that possible?’ ‘I read once where this guy in Ulan Bator powerlifted a Chinese tank after—’ ‘Can it, Stolowitski. Let Tory explain.’” (335)
“‘You look ready to chew nails.’ Shelton grinned at me from his own stoop. ‘There’s a certain murderer I’d like to chat with.’” (340)
“‘You okay, Tor?’ Shelton had a sandbag on one shoulder, hauled up from the beach. ‘We don’t have time for an ER run.’ ‘We could amputate,’ Hi suggested. ‘Shelton, get the whiskey.’” (342)
“‘I called Marchant’s office and left a message. Less than a minute later, my cell rang and March—’ I gritted my teeth, ‘—the Gamemaster asked me to meet him at City Lights Coffee. So I did.’ ‘So dumb,’ Hi muttered. ‘And it really was a murderer.’” (350)
“‘And you know this how?’ … ‘I dreamed it.’ ‘Aha! You dreamed it.’ Hi yawned and rubbed his eyes. ‘I think it’s time we get you medicated.’” (352)
“I turned on Ben and Hi. ‘What about you two? Ready to bail? There’s a deranged psycho out there who knows what your mothers eat for breakfast. That cool with you?’” (353)
“‘Any plan for that bit?’ Shelton asked dully. ‘You keep glossing over how we’re actually gonna make the citizen’s arrest.’ ‘Of course.’ I chucked his shoulder. ‘We’ll improvise.’ ‘Great. Well thought out.’” (362)
“‘You’re a hot, steaming ball of crazy,’ Hi said. ‘You know that, right? Freaking Looney Tunes.’” (373)
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Imma answer these ‘cause it’s fun
In the beginning:
1. When I was around 13 years old I think
2. Through Wattpad and Deviantart... (I was a 13 year old, what did you expect?)
3. Never did. I only had a Wattpad and Deviantart account, that I made in 2015 or 16. FFN is too confusing to me, and I’m always a guest on A03. I mostly write one shots, which I find easier to just post on Tumblr now. I’m not bad at writing, but I’m just not very good at writing consistently, or long fanfics, so I’m content with just posting my stuff on my art Tumblr account
4. -
5. I really don’t remember xD
6. I also don’t remember that. Do y’all know how many THOUSAND of fanfics I’ve read? How am I suppose to remember the first?!
7. Same as 6 and 5
8. Technically, it was a Youtuber fandom of two different German Youtubers I found very nice, though in a kinda romantic stan way that I’m really ashamed of and luckily have quickly (with 14) learned is wrong soooo... *We Do Not Talk About This*.
My REAL first fandom was Kung Fu Panda
9. Tigress and Po from Kung Fu Panda when I was 14: Since I’m Ace, it was pretty hard sometimes to pick up cues and only when I was 14 did I understand to kinda read into stuff
10. Don’t remember (like I said before: I read A LOT of fanfics and I can’t possibly remember my first encounters with other fans etc)
Best of the best:
1. A03, ‘cause it’s organized the best. I also like Tumblr fanfics and stories, but when it has several chapters, finding the other chapters is often hard to find, especially if the author didn’t link to the other chapters
2. Lazy days, evenings where I just need to calm down before sleep and bad days where I need comfort. Let’s be honest though: Technically, every day is a good day to read fanfics
3. I always read fanfics on my phone or IPad. I like that best
4. I don’t have one
5. I read a couple of Beetlebabes, hooked Wayfinder and Stonegrot one shots, though I couldn’t name all (or any) of them, ‘cause I’m bad with names and titles
6. I like Angst with fluff at the end the most. It’s not an actual trope I think for fanfics, but imma just make it into one
7. I don’t know what this question exactly means tbh? I’m just gonna interpret as “What character from what show”, and to that I’d say, I love most to read about my ships and my fictional crushes the most. Or honesty: I ONLY read fanfics about my ships and my fictional crushes xD
8. I’m a fandom slut that jumps from fandom to fandom pretty frequently and most of the time, I don’t come back. I however have my two exceptions, which are the transofmers fandom. I gave up on it, when I found another media that inspired me more and after I pretty much just read and did everything in the fandom that I could come up with at the time. I returned for it because of the Bumblebee movie and when I started shopping Charbee. The other fandom was Trollhunters (in which I am rn). I also gave up on it, just because I found, yet again, another media that then inspired me more etc. I came back to it after rewatching Trollhunters again just one or two weeks ago
9. I got a bunch: Hooked wayfinders, Beetlebabes, Charbee, Broppy and Stonegrot
10. Idk
Worst of the worst
1. I HATE “miss communication” trope, in books and in fanfics alike. That’s just bad. It’s bad, not because miscommunication doesn’t happen, it does, but because miscommunication is THE plot in those stories and it just gets tiring: Let them communicate like a good couple does! Also: Love triangles... just don’t
2. Someone calling someone else “Baby” or “Daddy”. I hate that shit, it makes me extremely uncomfortable
3. When I notice, that it’s only angst. Give me angst, but give it some fluff too! I want some angst for feels, not a whole drama! Also: PLEASE tag your stories with “character death” or “unhappy ending” when there is one. Most people do, which is really good, but I’ve also had one or two cases where that didn’t happen and it really triggered me so yeah... tag your stuff please, ‘cause I’m someone who believes in freedom of fanfic writing a lot, but please be respectful to those who try to navigate the internet correctly, by not bothering people about their writing
4. Slow burn fanfics: I love slow burn in shows and movies, but I hate it in fanfics, ‘cause I mean: I read fanfics to live the dream about my ship being together or me, shamefully shipping myself with my fav character, so why would I let myself suffer by waiting FUCKING YEARS, until the thing I wanna see happening rn, happen like 2000 chapters later
5. Oh there are BUNCH (Imma trigger a lot of people, but remember: those are just PERSONAL opinions. This is not objective at all): In The Dark Crystal AOR, there are a lot of people who love Kylan and I don’t... understand? He’s barely in the series? Also, Gurjin is a nice dude, and I actually understand why some people like him a lot but I just, can’t. I dunno why, I just can’t.
In the Moana fandom: It’s the crab guy, who’s name I actually forgot, I don’t... understand. He’s not that special and is also barely in the movie. His song is fine I guess, but not amazing. I dunno what the hype is about
The Trollhunters fandom: Stricker... I mean, he’s interesting and all but I just... don’t understand. He isn’t that special tbh, to me at least. (I might be killed for this, but ya know: I respect your opinion, and I get where you’re coming from, but I just can’t vibe)
The SU fandom: Spinel and the diamonds... just why? They are all either egoistical, annoying or straight up just shit people
6. I hated Spinel so much and was so dissapointed in the Su Movie, I was really resilient of watching the last season... I did anyways, but I was close to quitting
7. Maui/Crab guy, Charlie/Memo (nothing against Memo, he is fine as a character, but it’s obvious he was just in the movie to make people not ship Charbee, but they failed miserably and just... ugh) and Gunmar and just anyone... to be he really isn’t a ship-able character at all, though I still tolerate Gunmar/Morgana and Gunmar/Dictatous, ‘cause I get where people come from, but I just don’t think Gunmar is a character that I can see with anyone. I like it better to read fanfic about people who made up the story of Gunmars pats mate with whom he had Bular
8. Miscommunication
9. Atypical and American horror story. That’s it I think. I had this more with movies I couldn’t watch. Though there are a couple of shows I didn’t even try watching, but I just didn’t want to watch, which are She-Ra, Kipo, Game of Thrones and just any show with more than 4 seasons
10. Harry Potter... No joke. And I know I’m gonna get killed for this. I’ve been able to watch the movies, and I do admire the world of Harry Potter, but I just could never get into the story that much. And I HAVE TRIED reading the books, before anyone says anything, but I didn’t like the writing. I know that’s a reaaaaally unpopular opinion, but ya know: I can’t change the way I feel and I stay by my opinion that Harry Potter is overrated
Present day:
1. Today before lunch. It was a Stonegrot one shot
2. I don’t really get fanfic recs, so I got no answer to that
3. A03
4. A03, dunno why I haven’t made one tbh
5. Dunno
6. Dunno as well xD
7. I left it ‘cause I felt the person deserved a nice comment for this amazing fanfic. It’s called “Of the Undefeated and the Broken” by @trollhunters-fanworks (thanks for your amazing work, again. I’m M btw on A03) and it reads as follows:
I’m honestly not sure what to write but: I love this story! I began reading it when it only had around 6 chapters and was hooked! I however am someone who jumps from Fandom to Fandom a lot and lost track. I have However rewatched Trollhunters recently and went right back in! Especially concerning Gunmar. He is an absolute asshole and vile as can be, but I just can’t help but be fascinated by him in so many ways, and your story just conveys all of this so SO well! I also absolutely love the effort you put into the world building etc, it’s incredibly fascinating and gives the whole story another layer of depth that makes it all the more enthralling. Thanks for giving us this story, it’s really good! Also: Lotsa love to you and stay healthy! I appreciate your effort to write even right now
8. For The Dark Crystal Aor, Moana, Transformers, Trolls and Trollhunters
9. My best friend
10. Human soulmate you cannot kill for Gunmar
That’s it, I hope, whoever reads this, didn’t get too triggered by my unpopular as shit opinions
Ask a reader meme
In the beginning… ( Questions A1-A10)
When did you start reading fanfiction?
How did you find your first fic?
When did you get your AO3/FFN account?
What is your AO3/FFN username? Has it always been that?
Who was the first author you subscribed to?
What is the first fic you bookmarked?
Why did you leave your first comment? Do you remember what it was?
What was your first fandom? Are you still in that fandom now?
Who was your first ship?
Who did you have your first fanfic-related conversation with? What was it about?
Best of the best (Questions B1-B10)
Which one’s better for reading fic: FFN, AO3, or tumblr? Why?
What’s the best time of day for reading fic? Why?
What’s the best device to read on (phone, laptop, tablet…)? Why?
Who is your current favourite author? What is their best story?
Which story have you read more than any other? How many times?
What is your favourite story trope? Why?
Which character is your favourite to read about? Why?
Is there a show or a book that you gave up on that you went back to later? Why did you come back to it?
Who is your OTP?
What is the best plot twist you’ve ever seen?
Worst of the worst (Questions C1-C10)
What trope are you tired of reading? Why?
What word or expression always makes you cringe when you read it?
Is there anything that makes you nope out of a story? What is it?
What thing that fandom loves do you actually kind of hate? Why?
What character that fandom loves are you just kinda “meh” about? Why?
Is there anything in canon that made you want to quit the show? What was it? Why did you hate it?
Who is your NOTP?
What is one plot twist you wish people would stop using?
What show did you really try to watch, but you just couldn’t?
What book could you just never get into, no matter how hard you tried?
Present day… (Questions D1-D10)
When did you read your last story?
Who/Where did you get your last fic rec from?
Which did you log into more recently: AO3 or FFN?
If you don’t have an account on AO3 or FFN, do you want one? Why or why not?
How many authors are you subscribed to?
How many bookmarks do you have?
Why did you leave your most recent comment? Will you share it with us?
Which fandoms do you read fic for?
Who do you discuss fandom-related things with most often?
What is one story idea you really want to read but no one has written yet?
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Astro in DC~
Hello! I’m here to give you my complete fanmeet experience to the best of my abilities~ I’m going to preface this by saying I’d been feeling ill the past few days, so it took a lot of my willpower just to keep myself standing for a fair chunk of the show…. Which means 1) my memory is a bit fuzzy and 2) I just did not have the brainpower to focus on every member, so this is a very Jinwoo-biased fan account (not that any of you should be surprised tbh).
P.S. I’m sorry I wrote a literal novel;;; this is largely to help me remember it all both now and in the future, but I also wanted to share!
(rip mobile users someone please teach how to actually make readmores work on mobile edit: never mind my iPad did the thing! Bless)
The Beginning:
The girl who did the cover dance absolutely rocked it, and the crowd had no problem hyping her up - she performed Again and we were fanchanting and everything~ And then when she finished the lights dimmed, she left the stage, and we all waited very anxiously for the real show to begin.
Now. I knew going in that Jinjin would be the first on stage with his dance solo, but that did not stop him from still completely taking my breath away (like I actually gasped and put my hand on my chest/over my mouth). It was the moment of realization that he’s real! And really here!! And he’s doing his thing!!! Like I’m still processing the feeling of seeing him in real 3D space, seeing his body as a real human body, with depth and warmth, not just a flat image (I hope that doesn’t sound weird??). And man did he kill that solo. I always love when he gets a chance to bust out his house dance skills 💕 (I should actually check cams from the other shows to see if he was doing a set choreo or going freestyle 👀). And then, of course the Rocko man himself came out, and proceeded to just destroy us all (and booooy was the crowd Rocky biased - the screams for him were REAL yall).
Once that section was done the rest of the boys came out and!! Myungjun was in just a black tshirt and jeans!!! How dare he attack me so soon into the show!!!
They performed Again which was stellar as always, and then they segwayed into Baby. And things got LIT. Their demeanor changed, the crowd energy changed, it was just. Exactly the mood you’d expect from Baby~ The boys got really smiley and just looked like they were so happy! Just rainbows and sparkles all around haha
After baby finished they did their intros! Jinjin went first and of course intro’d himself as the leader and main visual. Eunwoo said a good bit in English but so help me if I remember any of it 😰 Moonbin gave his whole intro in English too! And you can seriously tell how hard he worked to be able to do so!! Like he really said a lot and you could tell he was thinking carefully as he was talking, I was so proud of him :’) He’s adorable, his voice is adorable, hearing him say ‘puppycat’ is deadly 😂 Mj introduced himself as the happy virus, and I unfortunately don’t remember the rest of his or Socky’s intros :( After intros, the staff brought out chairs and they sat down for q&a time!
Q&A:
If you had drawn a line directly from my seat to the stage, that’s where Jinwoo was sitting :“”“”“”) So basically I had the perfect view of him (even if I was like 12 rows back). I cant remember everything that was asked/said (im sure there are 100 fancams anyway) but some highlights include:
♥ The first question was who pays for meals the most, and they did the 3-2-1-point thing; everyone pointed to Jinjin. Then they said some stuff I couldn’t hear/catch, but it ended with Jinwoo saying something (in English!) about no longer having access to his mom’s card 😂😂
♥ Someone asking Bin his workout routine, and him genuinely telling us lmaoo And every time he would name an activity (running, weights, etc) Jinwoo would be in his chair just miming it out like a NERD 😂 (Jinwoo was just generally very animated and interactive, and he was smiling soooo muuuuuch you could just tell he was in a good mood!!)
♥ Someone asked what the members needed to have when traveling. Rocky said mask pack, Jinwoo said Arohas love 😑, I didn’t catch what Eunwoo said??, I think Bin also said Arohas love, MJ said contacts and something else genuine, and Sanha said?? He brought Jinjin??? And Jinwoo was just like ???????????????? What are you talking about 😂😂
♥ Someone asked who’s the best cook/who cooks the most and what do they make. Immediately Sanha just goes “not me!” and everyone laughs. They said they really don’t cook much at home, but Bin likes to cook and wants to make food for the upcoming birthdays! :’)
After the q&a they introduced/moved into Run which, again, Jinwoo’s position was DIRECTLY in line with my seat for a lot of the song; I was #blessed. Also at the very beginning when they were passing the mic down the line, Eunwoo teased Sanha and almost didn’t give him the mic in time - the baby got a little flustered 😝 (P.S. Sanha is the most adorable and pure being on this earth, and I’m pretty sure his giggle could cure cancer. I still can’t believe I got to hear it in person.)
So Run was good, the crowd def didn’t know the lyrics as well as the other songs but the spirit was still there! And then then segwayed into Crazy Sexy Cool and for some?? reason??? I have very little memory of it…. I do remember the fanchants being STRONG though, esp for rapline haha
After that I think they took a short break while the MC did his thing, then they brought the boys back out for gaaaaame tiiiiiiime 😀😀
Game Time:
The first game was the mystery box one, and the members were divided by staff into Hyung line vs Maknae line. The grandpas being on the same team were, of course, being goofy and extra af lmao (And Eunwoo just stood there laughing as usual). They r/p/scissored to see which team would go first - it was Jinwoo vs Rocky, and Jinwoo decided to be Extra™ and do it by turning away from Rocko and sticking his arm out behind him. Rocky won, and I’m like 99% sure he totally cheated and waited a split second for Jinjin to throw his hand before showing his own….
But either way, Maknae team won so they made Hyung team go first. Before they brought out the box there was some hyping/smack talk~ Eunwoo said (approximately) in English “Just one thing: we win >:)” and then our precious child Sanha goes, also in English (approximately) “Just one thing: You lose!” It was seriously the cutest ah my heart 💖 So they brought out the box, and the thing they had to guess was…. Raw egg 😫😫 Maknae team peeked at what they’d have to guess and omg their reactions 😂😂 They were thoroughly grossed out and excited for the other team to suffer lmaoo
So Jinjin went first, and he took off his jacket and rolled up one shirt sleeve and he;;;; has a very nice forearm;;;;; You should find fancams for their reactions tbh bc there’s no way I could do them justice, but watching Jinwoo’s face distort in discomfort and hearing him let out a small scream was sure something 😂😂 Because it was raw egg it was suuuper wet and drippy and gross and you could seeee it dripping off his fingers when he took his hand out of the box 😣😝 (the staff had towels at the ready, don’t worry). He removed his hand from the box, wiped it off a bit, and then smelled his fingers and as soon as he did that we was like “…aaaaaaaaah 😈😈” so he probably figured it out right away. Mj was next and of course he had to be a little extra when putting his hand in, walking his fingers around the opening a bit before diving in. And then as soon as he touched it he just full on screamed 😂😂 And he kept screaming and making weird noises for a bit, then he got a little used to it and was like “ooooh 😳” I can’t remember anything he might have done after that 😩 Eunwoo went third and was def the most anxious. He stuck his hand in and I can’t remember if he even touched it or not before he freaked and pulled his hand back out 😂 Again that’s really all I can remember from him 😢 Then they had 15 seconds to collude as a team and settle on their answer, and they guessed it right!! Also once the crowd heard what it was they had touched we were all just like “eeeeww oh noooooooo!! DD: ” And then. And then the Extra Bros™ Myungjin start acting like chickens =w=;;;; There were fair amounts of butt wiggling. (MJ started it of course).
So! They guessed right! Which meant if Maknae line couldn’t get theirs then they would have to do a punishment. So. The staff brought out the next item, which was white and round and squishy. Hyung line snuck a peek and they were just standing there poking it 😂😂 And then freaking troll Eunwoo said to the other team “guys be careful! Its moving! Its alive!!!” And Myungjin went along with him on it lmao Maknae line didn’t really know what to make make of them lol
Rocky went first, and he really Did Not want to stick his hand in there - you could just see the classic suffering smile on his face. He definitely yelled several times when touching it (not a scream, but a very Rocky yell haha) Once he was done he seemed to have an idea what it was, and started whispering in Bins ear. Sanha went second and he was… well…. Sanha lol Very squirmy, very screamy. Bin went last (I think, he and Sanha might be switched aaah I’m so sorry), and I don’t really remember Bins reaction while his hand was in the box at all. I do know that he was like full-on squeezing the thing and the MC was losin it at him, and after he took his hand out he sniffed his hand and then licked it =w=;;;;; and all of us were just like Bin no!!!! Then he went back and there was more Moonrock ear whispering.
Once all 3 went they had their 15 seconds to decide, and I didn’t understand what the answer they gave was (it was hard to hear Rocky and the MC didn’t repeat what he said for us) buuuuuuuut it was wrong! The right answer was a ball of mozzarella cheese~~ Hyung line of course started taunting them for losing (mostly led by Jinwoo) and even got the whole crowd involved 😂😂 And thus the losing team was introduced to their punishment: they had to spell their names. With their butts. Sexily. (And I was like you’re going to make the Maknaes do what?????). So Bin went first and he pretty much died of embarrassment one letter in, but he powered through! Rocko was next and he was also internally dying (and externally yelling 😂) but the dancer part of him took over and booooy does he have balance and body control. I’m pretty sure after he was done he ran and hugged Bin to deal with his embarrassment and the crowd LOVED that 😂 Sanha went last and the MC had to torture him!! And make him do his full name!! 😭😭 Of course it was more awkwardly cute than sexy, and him saying the letters as he went was unbearably adorable. (I honestly covered my eyes/turned away to laugh/cringe for most of the punishments =w=)
The next game was guessing the song based on choreo. They split up into teams by randomly selecting colored papers and somehow!! Binu still managed to be a team!! How many times has this happened now????? The other teams were JinHa and RaMyung. They were deciding who should go first and Bin said the “maknae” team should go first (referring to RaMyung) and literally everyone was just like what are you on about????? 😂😂 Fake Maknae MJ strikes again! They r/p/scissored for team order again and I’m like 80% sure Rocko cheated again 👀👀👀 But either way the order ended up as Binu, RaMyung, JinHa. Binu actually did really well!!! with Bin dancing and Eunwoo guessing, but I have to shame Woo for not getting Sistar’s Shake It like boy come on! I think they got 6+ right? RaMyung were…. less successful, but it was honestly more on Rocky??? I think he just like panicked and couldn’t straighten out in his brain what he should actually be doing with his body, then the ones he did actually do the dance to MJ was pretty hit or miss 😂 But they still got a few!! Aaaand then came JinHa… For some reason they decided Sanha should do the dancing, and well…. He passed like every other one, and I don’t think Jinwoo was able to guess a single one 😂 It was just a lot of panic and failure lmaoo So needless to say their team came dead last.
It was decided both losing teams had to do punishment, and that punishment was 40 pushups per team. However the MC said they could divide that any way they wanted, for example Sanha could do 1 and Jinjin 39. JinHa team went first, and Sanha volunteered to do his share first. And the kid got down, wiggled into position, did 1 pushup, and stood back up like “all done!” 😂😂 We got to witness Jinwoo’s legendary ‘possibly contemplating murder rn’ face 😂😂 But then Sanha got back down - and as he was going of course Jinwoo was starting to take his jacket off to prepare for his half but then we reached 20… And 21… And 22… And Sanha kept going all the way to 40! So Jinwoo didn’t have to do anything, and he seemed really pleased :) and was like *shrugs* alright then and put his jacket back on. Mj went first for RaMyung team and bless his heart he did the whole 40 too so Rocky didn’t have to.
The final game was random play dance and there wasn’t much to it really, they just ran through the point parts of 2 other group songs (BTS Dope and Apink No No No). They all did fine for BTS of course, but Binnie KILLED it with Apink lmao to the point where the rest of the members kinda stopped and just let him shine. The final song was one from Dream Part 01 but I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was 😩 I want to say Dream Night or Dreams Come True?? (Watch it be neither akdbsj)
And that was the end of game time! I think they maybe took another quick break, but maybe not idk;;; and then we segwayed into Breathless!
And boy let me tell you, Aroha get PUMPED for Breathless. Confession too tbh, like I don’t remember much from CSC but I definitely remember people just going hardcore with love for these songs haha And I’m pretty sure the boys could feel the passion for them too~ Also during Breathless when Moonrock have their dance bit and then it switches to a rapline dance bit, Jinwoo’s shirt came up a little bit and idk why that suddenly affected me so much but I literally like gasped said “oh my god” out loud 😳
They then moved into the final ment, which worried me at first as I thought maybe we had to skip You & Me due to time or something, but nope they just did the ment first!
Final Ment:
I don’t really remember much of what they said, but I do know Eunwoo said that when he was younger DC was one of the cities he dreamed of visiting, and that it was a beautiful place~ And I think it was MJ(??) who said DC Aroha are the best of the 3 shows so far of course~ 😂😂 Omg and Rocky, when he was in the middle of his ment (I think that’s when this happened anyway aksbaj my awful memory) he just stops like mid-thought and goes “I can’t see” and does the most epic hair flip to get the hair out of his eyes, then just stands there for like 10 seconds basking in his new-found vision. It was so majestic and unexpected I doubled over laughing 😂😂😂 They also said they know it’s hard for us to see them and they were grateful to us for waiting for them, and they would be waiting for us in Korea as well~
For You & Me they first asked if everyone knew the choreo, and enough people said yes that the were like “alright then, show us what you got!” and the music for the chorus played and we all did our darn best to remember the choreo (I failed, I didn’t refresh my memory beforehand and couldn’t remember it well enough =w=;;;) They seemed genuinely impressed by how we did overall though! After that they had Sanha teach us how it goes cutely, and yeah, it’s exactly what you’d expect from that sentence 😂 Once everyone had learned from Captain Sanha and practiced a couple times, they started the song for real! And I already posted about it, but it really is softest, warmest, sweetest experience. To have everyone in the crowd doing choreo and interacting with their neighbors whether they knew them or not it just, i don’t even know how to describe it, it’s just nice?? And lots of people were giggling and smiling, including my right-side partner, which was so fun to turn to each time 💕💕 I definitely got a little emotional during it (but I didn’t cry! Go me!) Edit: Also I forgot but when Jinwoo started to move to the front to do his rap, MJ pushed him out of the way and did it instead! Jinwoo was hyping him up and laughing his butt off 😂😂 And MJ genuinely did really well
After Y&M they gave their official goodbye and left the stage, and almost immediately the crowd started chanting “encore!” and as expected, after a bit they came back out~
Encore:
Our encore was I’ll Be There and they were throwing out bags of gummy bears. Also for the encore a TON of people rushed the stage, including like everyone to the front and right of me. Soooooooo~ When Jinwoo threw some into our area, there was nobody but me to retrieve it :’) (I maaay have accidentally body slammed the seat in front of me trying to catch it 😅) In my wildest dreams he threw it to me on purpose, but in reality he never actually looked at me so I doubt it (it’s nice to have dreams though 😂) Some people who were up at the stage got some great footage of Jinwoo getting right up into their camera’s business so I look forward to seeing those 👀👀
Once they ran out of candy and the song ended it was officially time for them to say goodbye 😢 They gave their last “Wanna be your ☆” and took a bow, then headed backstage to chill until perks began!
Hi-Touch:
The staff decided to do hi touch first, and since I had both perks it took me a hot minute to realize I needed to get in line too (since I was sitting in P1 and nobody around me was moving lol) The girls I was in line with were very cute and nice - one of them was newer to the boys so she had a hard time telling Myungjin apart haha We tried to help her get them straight~ The line moved really quickly and when it was my turn my brain switched to auto pilot……
Jinwoo was first bc apparently the universe likes to see me Suffer. I don’t even remember what he looked like, all I remember is him seeing my shirt and saying “aaaah, slow~ 😉” and all I could get out was a “yes!” 😂😵😵😭😭 Sanha was next in line but my brain was so busy processing the first interaction I have absolutely 0 memory of him, if I even managed to hi five him at all akdbaj like I completely just blacked out for a few seconds. Eunwoo was third and I regained myself enough to actually start looking at their faces, but I still couldn’t make my own sentences, so instead I started parroting what I was hearing from the members which was “thank you” - which is a fine thing to say and I wholly meant it, but I do wish I could have said a bit more… Bin was third and I also Do Not remember him, like, at all 😣 I’m so disappointed, he deserves better. But then came Rocky. There really must be something just inexplicably striking about Rocky, because I remember him pretty damn clearly all things considered! He had his big Rocko smile and it was strikingly beautiful 😪 Finally was MJ and I remember seeing him and thinking “I have to make sure he knows I genuinely love and support him!!” So I looked really hard at his face, but my brain was still *static noises* so all I could say was thank you :“) I tried to really sincerely say it and show him with my eyes that I meant it though!! And then it was over, and I took a big ole breath as I made my way down off the stage and back to my seat. And thus began the waiting for group pic. (The girl I had been sitting next to laughed when I came back 😂😂
Group Photo:
The line for P2 was pretty much a free for all, but the line for P1 was specifically done row by row. I was at the back of Orchestra Center, so I wasn’t first by any means but I was probably in the first 1/3. The setup was there were 8 chairs, and the boys stood behind the chairs. They were all doing different poses and switching it up for each pic while I was waiting in line (I’ve been told staff made them stop later on which is dumb af if you ask me like people are supposed??? To pose for pics??? Also have you met Astro aksbaj but ANYWAY).
Jinwoo was last this time, which meant if I wanted to be in front of him I had to be #1 in the group of 8. Well, they counted us, and I was #7. The girl behind me was 8, and her friend ended up being #1 of the next batch. The two clearly wanted to go together, and I wanted the #1 spot, so when staff wasn’t looking we quickly switched! And I got to sit directly in front of him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he of course remembered me from when I did the hi touch like ~10 minutes ago lol I made sure to look at all the members again as I was walking up, esp Sanha since I missed him the first time! And again I’ve got Nothing on Bin (rip 😢), but Rocky’s smile seared itself into my psyche yet again 😂 When I finally walked up to Jinwoo I said “I get to sit by you! :DD” and he was like “yeah!” We sat down (god I wish I had actually clearly looked at his face, I have no memory of it from either interaction 😢😢😢) and I kinda tried to do a hand heart with him but he had other plans and was like “let’s do this instead!” (retrospectively I think maybe the girl behind me was also a Jinwoo stan so he wanted to do something with us both). So he LEANED DOWN BETWEEN US SO HIS FACE WAS SEVERAL INCHES FROM OUR EARS and made finger hearts for the first pics, then he said “cheeeeese!” (or it sounded like that to me anyway) and switched to peace signs for the second. I honestly have no idea what my face was doing the whole time soooo the pics could be fun >w>;; (I WAS JUST FOCUSED ON THE FACT I COULD FEEL HIS PRESENCE/BODY HEAT HOVERING OVER MY SHOULDER AND HIS HANDS WERE RIGHT NEXT TO MINE AKSHAJ). And then we were done! And I think I turned and smiled at him one last time as I was heading off the stage, and I think he smiled back, but who knows!! Certainly not me!!!
And that was that.
I went out into the theater hallway and just….existed for a bit (and yelled into all my chats lol) and more than one fan came out hysterically sobbing :( I think it was a mixture of happy and sad tears, like some people overwhelmed with happiness and others crying cuz they didn’t get the place in line they wanted.
All in all it was an amazing night, and completely worth being absolutely nuts and dropping everything to fly literally halfway across the country to attend. 100/10 would give all my money to these boys again (I mean they already own my heart and wallet anyway)
Also I didn’t know where to fit these tidbits in, but the members overall:
Jinjin - I mentioned it already but he was just a goofy happy boy! So many smiles, so many silly actions. I didn’t think I could love him even more and yet :”)
MJ - He sunshined a number of times but overall seemed really tired, which is COMPLETELY understandable (I really feel like he’s an introvert, and I can imagine how draining an international tour would be) and I just hope he’s feeling ok and was able to enjoy himself!! 😣
Rocky - He was also quite lively and just giving fanservice left and right! I didn’t watch him too much but even then I could see him waving and throwing hearts and smiles to people 💕
Eunwoo - I really didn’t watch him at all but I’ve been told he was also giving out just tons of personal fanservice~
Sanha - My favorite son, he just had us all cooing and giggling the whole night. He really did seem to be in good spirits!
Moonbin - I’m sorry Bin stans….. I’m sorry Bin….. I don’t know why my brain just decided to completely block him out but 😢😢😢 I barely remember anything he said/did besides what I already talked about. His muscles were probably too powerful 😣😣
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Day 47
Thurs 20th Feb
Phil up super early (a bit hungry maybe?) and was keen for breakfast. We had our usual and Phil suggested we walk round to the bay one up from ours. As the official tour guide of ‘Phil & Jess do Africa 2020’, I couldn’t really argue. We found a path on the end of the beach and followed the coastline edge to see where it took us.
It was a cute little path and within 5 minutes we spotted something in the distance that was a bit of a surprise.
Four camels were stood at the top of a hill, grazing on the plants and seemingly free to roam. Alrighty then...
We walked through a little bay and up the hill to get closer and being the ace ventura pet detective that I am I could instantly identifying them as one hump camels 🐪🐪🐪🐪😎.
After enjoying watching these absolute weirdos eating with their sideways mouths and standing on their extremely long legs, we continued trying to find the path to this unknown destination.
I found a route that looked doable and we found ourselves on a derelict concrete site with a big abandoned swimming pool that now resembled a pond. It was right on the edge of this new bay and would have been an amazing spot for a hotel or holiday home. I wondered what had happened to get it to this sorry state.
We found some steps to lead us down to the beach and thats when we noticed more derelict buildings on the land overlooking the beach. They ran all the way along the coast. There were so many empty concrete huts and buildings, it looked like the kind of place you’d make into a paintballing site,. We spoke to some locals who said it was a popular resort in the 60s-80s but there was a ‘money problem‘. It was a crazy amount of wasted space on a beautiful beach with lots of tourists around. Seemed mad to think it had gone from hero to zero in such a popular destination.
Anyway, the water was crystal clear and we could see the tide was out and we could walk to the mini islands and beaches a short distance away. Despite having a bag to carry (good exercise that though Phil) we walked out to sea and is was soooo niiiiiiiiiicce.
The water was cooler than in our bay which made it so much nicer and we reached a little beach next to a big rock island. I did my sea cow impression again and then let Phil have a try (he was surprisingly good at it). We left our stuff on a sand bank and tucked it towards the rock so it was nicely in the shade. And bloody lucky we did too, as the tide came up SUPER fast without us realise it. We casually went back to get our stuff and as we got closer we realised we were about 3 minutes away from it all getting soaked. What a save.
We went to head back and I figured we’d have to walk round the coast again (plus I was missing the camels obvs) but Phil wanted to trying and walk through the town. Hmm I was not convinced this would be the fastest, but Phil was adamant he wanted to try it. The street was dusty and empty and I had a lot of sand stuck to my feet (it may surprise you to know that I really hate sand on my feet unless I’m literally on the beach) and it did not look like a quick way home. But I saw a guy on a bike nip down a little alleyway and thought Hmmm so had a little check on Phil’s phone to see - and by jove it appeared to be that Phil was absolutely right and this would soon get us to the village quick sharp. WHAT A JOYOUS OCCASION THIS WAS TURNING OUT TO BE.
It really was one of the best shortcuts of recent times and I just want to formally take this opportunity to thank and praise Phil for making it happen. Girl loves a shortcut.
As soon as we got back sweaty from the walk, we didn’t stop and walked straight into the pool to cool off. But obviously the water is always boiling in the pool so we quickly got out to hide in the shade.
Hunger appeared rapid though so we went back to the restaurant street to visit our new favourite Swahili place. Big sign saying CLOSED. Oh god DEVESTATED. In a panic, we went to the nice pizza place - Makuti - but they forgot to put cheese on my pizza which was ANNOYING. How could this happen!? So I had to wait for another one. Phil’s marinara with onion and garlic was good though so I ate a load of that.
I went for a walk to buy myself a dress (NOT REALLY that was just a cover story, god I’m so clever, I walked off to see my mate and collect Phil’s shirt).
It was ready on the table when I got there. Very nicely made it was too. But they’d added some hard material to the collar to make it stiff...and it was really quite an orange yellow colour...the pocket material that I’d chosen had also been added round the collar as a detail and it looked a bit like a 90s Paul Smith summer shirt reject...god I’m really not sure he’s going to like this one but we shall see on the 24th 😂
Seeing as these tailor folks were on a roll, I decided to order a few headbands for him too as he’d mentioned he needed one for running. Another present in the bag oh yeah. I found a few scraps of material in the shop and couldn’t decide which one was the least rank, so ordered 3 different ones for $5.
On the way back, I saw some nice trousers (for me) but they must have been children’s sizes as I couldn’t get them over my arse. I did find a square bandana material for $1.50 and it was exactly what Phil was looking for as a neck cover so grabbed that as a little pre-bday gift. I gave it to Phil as soon as I got back and he was really pleased with it. As soon as I saw it on him though, I got a flashback and realised it might be a little bit...gay. I’m not saying that in a derogatory sense, just in a factual sense - I had a vague memory that this type of scarf was a sort of gay symbol. So we sent a video to Nick and Louis quick sharp and awaited the results.
Before dinner, we went to the beach for a drink and I took my iPad to try and do some art. Of course within minutes, some kids came over to look and suddenly we had 10 children surrounding us. I didn't fancy letting them have a go to be honest but Phil reminded me about the face warp photo booth app and so I put it on and faced the camera to the kids. Honest to god, these kids lost their shit. They were HOWLING with laughter. A local bloke came over (tipsy for sure) and they got him to look at the camera and when he saw his warped face, he was so shocked that the kids went wild with laughter. 😂😂😂 It was very very funny.
we walked back to town and crossed our fingers the Swahili place would be open. It wasn’t, so we just went back to Makuti and decided to give a pasta a go. After some entertainment of a stroppy old Italian man refused to move tables and stormed out of the restaurant, we had a pizza (WITH CHEESE) and spaghetti arrabiata with our signature blob of mayonnaise to accompany each dish. We successfully managed to avoid eye contact with any Italians in close proximity while consuming said mayo with their beloved cuisine. Look, its better with mayonnaise I swear. While sat there, a troop of 3 men appeared in the street and did some mental circus tricks and acrobatics. It was incredible, at one point a man was upside down with his head balanced on another mans head and NO HANDS. Evie & Meg would have looooooved it.
Walked home past the little beauty salon at the end of our street and noticed on the sign they offered a service called a MANCURE. Wondered what this treatment entailed and how much they charged for it, as I knew quite a few people who might benefit.
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An issue of trust.......
Recently I have really struggled to find God. It’s been so dark, lonely and hard. I forgot and indeed, chose not too, look up. I sulked and got really pissed off at God, to the point I was treating Him with contempt. I knew it was wrong. I didn’t really want God to go away. But I told Him too. Over and over in my anger, and under that was pain. In cursing. I told Him to get lost and leave me alone. That I was too tired and I didn’t care. (One of my self curses, sadly, keep defaulting when I’m pissed off….) I was talking to a friend on Sunday, whilst being driven to church. And I was really letting it out. She told me I was being childish. But I didn’t care. The night before I had lost it, yet again, with God. And been incredibly hurtful to Him. And I knew I needed to go to church on Sunday to sort myself out. Even so, I only text one person for a lift. When they didn’t text back, I announced to myself I did not care, and would not go. Even though I was on coffee duty. If I couldn’t get a lift, sod it. I wasn’t going to try harder.
BUT, even with no reply, I set my alarm anyway. I got up and dressed and put dinner in the slow cooker…I KNOW! How organised is that? Clever me! I was soooo grateful to get home and know dinner was ready! Well done Miss Red Slow Cooker extraordinaire! At one point I had a tiny panic, what if no body came. But I was still sulky and angry. So when I saw I had not one, but TWO text from people about a lift, I had two reactions. One was pissed off I hadn’t got out of it…….. So there I was, venting, as I have said before, I am learning to say how it is. Believe me, my friend was left in no uncertain terms as to how it was……. And I finally said, as justification for being like a two year old, ‘At least I’ve come! I wasn’t going too..’ partly anyway. In side I knew I must come. So marched into the kitchen, did some of my duties. No biscuits really. Marched to the cupboard. Announced a hello to another friend, who asked me how I was….wrong move. ‘Crap and holding on by my finger tips, AND my nails are broken.’ I announced. She asked me to repeat it……I did and carried on marching to the cupboard. I got there, and the cupboard was bare, in the words of Old mother Hubbard. Actually it wasn’t. But it was a bit thin…so I exaggerated to make this sound better, as it came to mind just then…..sorry……so one box, with odds and ends. I took out the nice ones and marched back. And began putting them PRETTILY in the basket.
Someone had tried. But to my mind, especially then, not hard enough. Cad! Upstart! I saw somebody that I particularly wanted and indeed, needed to avoid. So called another friend over to ask for protection. WOW, I really have lots of friends! She got out a gun….no she didn’t. But that would have been really cool if she had! And as I asked her help, my voice started to get upset, as I told her, in a few sentences, the state I was in. She was in one too! Heck! I said ‘Don’t worry. I’ll put you in the chair later, fiend! How dare you be in a state when I am in such need! Selfish! Horrid! No. I didn’t. I sympathised. For which I expect a chest of Gold in heaven. Such sacrifice in my time of need! So it was just worship this Sunday. Which had already put me off. Just worship? No preach? OMGoodness. Whaaaat? Boring! But on one of the songs, I decided to go down on my knees and tell God I wanted to be sorry. But that I didn’t have one. I was there a long time. Isn’t it embarrassing making the decision to do that? You think EVERYBODY is looking! And you are already trying to figure how to get up with dignity and so nobody notices! Anyway. I did manage it. And I thought I’d look at my phone to see some psalms. With a view to saying one.
The one that jumped out was psalm 91. I struggled with this. This was more about asking for help for me, and reminding God of my need. So how could it fit? Service was about worshipping Him! But I KNEW this was the one. So I dawdled for a bit. Had to get my nerve up…on a digression, God gives me pictures, so I don’t shut my eyes so He can’t do it……you just HAVE to share it when He does don’t you? And I don’t like that bit…. So anyway. As I said it, at the mike my voice started to wobble. Because my spirit was being reminded of Who my God is. What He does for me. Asking angels to uphold me, so I don’t trip…..so when you DO actually trip, is it their fault? Or does Gods understand the capitalistic state we live in, and help those that make plasters…? I realised this was excactly…can’t spell it sorry…spell check doesn’t even know what I’m on about….hope you do, or this is a little pointless….anyway…it was what I needed to hear. And at the end I confessed to Papa God I had held Him in contempt and I wanted to be sorry. And that I knew He was in charge and He would rescue me, and I would trust Him, now. I went back to my seat and my friend said, ‘THAT was maturity.’ And I just cried. And cried. And I told her I hurted …..not a word before….is now.
Weird thing, but reassuring thing was, a few people came up and commented on the psalm I read out. So ’twas definitely right…. So when I got home, I had to remind myself of this, which was hard, because I had hardened my heart and was not used to this. So today, I heard that the person I need to stop trying to take me out, has no intention of stopping. So I emailed my pastor and filled him in. He emailed back this eve and said it was a good thing. Cos we are moving forward to the end of the situation, now. But I had to stop being negative…yup, told him just how I’d felt…..so I told him I was trying. And reminded myself God was in charge. Which I had been doing all day, on and off. And crying. So tonight I had a shower. Normally I am scared of showers cos of Phyco……I know, but I’m not perfect. Didn’t even watch the scene and it still freaked me out! Just read about it, and this was over TWENTY years ago, and I’m still scared, although it was reinforced by a stupid episode of the Young Indiana Jones. I watched the Dracula one, and kept thinking, it will make sense in the end. Blood dripping down the walls, and at the end the woman…there’s ALWAYS a woman with old Jones…..said, ‘Something’s just don’t make sense!’ AHHH! Whaaaaat? Left like that? So me was freaked out. Also a disgusting chain letter that had gone round Facebook about a shower. Again silly or rather STUPID of me…..was going to say stupid me, but realised that’s a self curse, so the grammar is a bit screwed there…sorry…had thought it would have a happy ending…. it didn’t. And I messaged the person concerned and told them to remove it and reported it to Facebook. Who did jack shit cos they are thick and blind as two thick planks. Why do people say that? (Who had planks that are thick? What if it had been thin ones?…..) One day someone will sue them for emotional damage. Hope they get fucked right over.
But I damn well REFUSED to send that letter on. And so me still get a scary cat in the shower. Anyway. Digression ended. So I did what son 4 does and decided to take in my iPad and play some moosic. Yup I know it’s a wrong spelling..AND? I put on Jenn Johnson ‘Come to me’ mix and there I was under the shower, and I felt ok. The fear tried to come. But I imagined the shower like giliad, you know, the water that comes from Gods throne. I can’t spell it but you get my drift? Sorry if not. Just imagine…Gods throne, water of life pouring etc…. and the song did me. Cos it was a song about rain, bad rain, in a storm, and God being in the middle of it. And calling to me. So I cried. Then came on ‘No longer a slave to fear.’ That did too. And I curled up in the shower, imagining Gods head was the wall and I cried. Lots. I could feel the chair I was sat on, and it felt like He was holding me in the storm. THEN ‘I’m in over my head’ came on! Just as I’d turned the shower off! So I put it on again…water waste? Nope. Heaven sent I’d say. Cos that is EXACTLY where I am spiritually. I saw I had ASKED God to remove my fear. I had ASKED God to walk on the water with Him…NO, not literally water, I mean SPIRITUALLY…..and I was moaning cos that is exactly what He was doing. I realised He actually WANTS me. He wants a relationship with me, and He is really serious! WOW. God wants ME! Why? A question I can never answer. And I said to Him, don’t ever let me walk away again. I never want to lose You. Because without you I have nothing. And You are ALL that matters. And that is a choice I have made. One I will have to chose everyday. Until I KNOW God is for me. And if things go wrong now? Well, I will chose to trust He knows it all, and He will do what He said. He will rescue, resettle and rehome me, with bounty. And this waiting, and seeing things drag on, is somehow here to teach me. To wait. To be patient and to trust. And I will. Thank God He doesn’t give up on me. And thank Him that His mercies are new every morning. I so need His help to stop my heart getting hard. I find it so easy to hate and blame. What ever it takes God. What ever it takes. Do it. Amen.
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I don't know why, but lately opening twitter fan account doesn't spark joy anymore. I feel like there are too many new information about exo on every minute. It feels like there are always new pictures to save, new votes to do, new music video to stream till billion times, new contents to update. Too much things to know and to catch up with all of that just feels too exhausting.
Funny, when usually I open twitter every minute to know what's the latest update from exo and this fandom world, but now I am too lazy to even know what happened to my favorite group. Yes, I still enjoy so much what they post on their social media, or the songs they release, or music video they make. But when I open twitter and see soooo much updates about them beside the one I mention, I feel like everything is too much.
Does it mean I stop liking and fangirling over exo? I don't know. But what I know is, fan account used to give me so much joy, and now I am just too tired to look at it and process all the information there. And it actually is not just because of exo. I just realized that in this world that called fandom world, there are so many things that makes you feel so fucked up and just want to stop. How people attack each other. How people assume they know exactly what happened inside the management building or how members feel about everything. How people think they have freedom to give opinion here and there and want the opinion to be heard in a very rude way. How people point out other people that they are not voting enough, not streaming the music video enough, not complaining about the mistreatment enough, not fighting and struggling for the members enough. How people keep talking down other member to lift up their bias. How people keep thinking that the one who works hard for the member is only the solo stans as if the other exo-l means nothing to them. How people keep asking to give so much more to exo as if we don't have another life beside twitter and fandom. And I am so tired of seeing this over and over on my timeline whenever I open twitter.
And I know maybe the problem is me. Cause lately in twitter I feel like I am being a superficial person. Like this syndrome of being likeable is coming back again, but instead of real life it is happening in online world, with people I never meet my whole life. Isn't it pathetic? I want to be liked by people I never meet my whole life. Wow, what kind of mental state I have right now? I wonder it myself. But now in twitter I keep worrying if my grammar good enough when I tweet about something. I keep worrying if my opinion is make sense when I reply to my mutual. I start questioning my existence and contribution in this fandom (who the fuck think about this kind of thing?). I start feeling envious seeing people who write fanfic, who draw fanart, who translate the content, or who edit video cause I feel so fucking useless and talentless compare to them. I start thinking if my words I throw in this platform is cool enough, or smart enough, or comforting enough. God, why I care so much about whether people in internet like me or not? Why I really want to know how people on internet see me and think about me? And the safe space where I think I could be true about myself, where I could meet my own people, where I could write what I think and how I feel, is turning me to someone I really don't want to be. It's no longer safe. I never thought I will feel this miserable towards twitter, my favorite apps on earth!
I know, maybe it's only a me problem, but yeah I just feel like hell being in there. So I decided to take a break today. I deactivate my account for a while and I even get rid of the apps from my phone (something I never done since I have this phone, so yay little progress). Yeah I know the app is still on ipad and I still have another account (I need all the bl contents and recommendations on twitter, okay?), but a little progress is still a progress. Maybe it could make me realize that I need to do something with the way my coping mechanism works. Maybe it could make me realize how I should really live my life. Maybe it could make me realize that there are so much to my life more than just my favorite kpop group. Maybe it could make me realize that yes I love this group but girl you need to do something about your messy life first. Maybe.
After always being on twitter every time for so many days, what do I do when this twitter burn out happened? I watch a lot. Thank you so much netflix. I finish so many series from last year that I stop watching in the middle. I read more bl manga, manhwa, and manhua. I meet few friends and have intense conversations with them. Not much tho, I still not touching my thesis, still not journaling consistently, still not figuring my life out, but it is a small step. From now on, I hope I could watch more (films, dramas, series, animes, tv shows), read more (online comic and physical books), and write more (on journal and here in tumblr). I hope this bring me into something that light up my way there. I really hope.
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Every Wednesday I share a review of a book. The book is chosen for me weekly and I cannot refuse the book, I have to read it and I have to review it. And I love doing it. A couple of weeks ago I was handed Marie Kondo’s ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying’. Considering it is, in its own way, a self-help book, it was an interesting one to review. Where normally I’d discuss themes, characters, writing styles and my personal feelings towards a book, this time I was a little stuck as there was nothing I was given to observe, analyse or discuss besides Marie Kondo’s actual method of tidying, so why not? I reviewed the book and the review can be found here, this post is my experience with the KonMari Method.
Prior to reading her book, I checked out goodreads to see what others had been saying about the book and I found some of the reviews hilarious – I too was slightly disturbed at the thoughts of my socks having self-esteem issues because I ball them up! As I began reading her book I felt a sense of anger towards Marie Kondo – her writing style was so persuasive. She was convinced her method was a gift from above and her confidence and assurance really bothered me initially, there’s something about self-assured people which just really gets to me. (I’m not jealous..)
Anyhoo, I began to find myself nodding in agreement to the parts where she discussed the different types of hoarders and how, even though you could spend an entire day cleaning and rearranging, the room/house will still end up messy within a week – for as long as I can remember I would spend hours or days working hard on perfecting my bedroom. Growing up we moved quite a bit, so I’ve tried perfecting at least 6 bedrooms of different shapes and sizes, but within a week my floor would be buried under a pile of clothing, shoes and books. Whether it was a box room (like the one I’m in now) or the huge one with the 7 wardrobes (I miss that room), I always found a way to make my bedroom look like the aftermath of a tornado.
Under my bed, before the gutting began.
Before beginning the transformation, Kondo recommends you imagine your ideal lifestyle (there’s a higher chance you’ll rebound if you don’t, apparently), once you’ve visualised that ask yourself why you want to live that kind of lifestyle and when you figure that one out ask yourself why a couple of more times.. “Before you start tidying, look at the lifestyle you aspire to and ask yourself: ‘Why do I want to tidy?’” So that’s exactly what I did. What kind of lifestyle did I want? A positive, relaxing and feminine one. Why? I want to meditate in a peaceful surrounding, somewhere I can light candles and read a book or listen to music and draw, somewhere I can blog and study and research, somewhere I can access my clothes/make up/jewellery without searching through bags and baskets and boxes. Why? To have my own space. Something just for me, a haven. Why? I’m independent and enjoy my own company, my mind tends to race
Clothes EVERYWHERE (never mind what was stowed away in the hot-press and attic)
quite a lot and as many of you who read this post will know, I can’t always control the ups and downs of my life, and really I need somewhere where I know I can wind down undisturbed, but also somewhere that can bring me joy – Then I looked around at the 3 metre x 3 metre room cluttered with everything from shoes older than my siblings to books older than my parents, as well as bags upon bags of clothes – with a decent amount still unworn and with their tags.
Basically, the KonMari method summed up is this: If it doesn’t make you happy, throw it out. Treat everything as an individual. Feel your clothing, feel your books, and unless it “sparks joy” and you firmly believe it will be used again in the future, discard it. Don’t just dump it though, you must thank it for serving its purpose in your life. I thought I’d feel ridiculous as I did this, but I knew much of what I got rid of would be going to charity so I thanked my old possessions for serving their purpose in my life and wished them luck in fulfilling another purpose in someone else’s life. I’ve read some fairly harsh opinions regarding the method but when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Keep what makes you happy! By donating the rest you’re sure they will bring joy to someone else.
The KonMari Method begins with the visualisation, then categorising your belongings (sort by category, not location!). Belongings should be categorised and then sub-categorised if needed. The categories are as follows: Clothes, Books, Papers, Miscellaneous items and Sentimental items. Begin to clean by category, clothes first. My bedroom was littered with everything everywhere, I had clothes in bags, boxes, drawers, under my bed, stuffed under things and it was much the same for every other category, nothing really had its own designated area.
Things were left in the most random places.
I spent 4 hours powering through my all my belongings, putting any miscellaneous items I found in one bag to sort out later, same with any sentimental items, electricals, make up, etc. I was really surprised at how much I’d gotten despite the lack of music playing, which I would normally play loud enough for the neighbours to hear as I tidied my room but KonMari says no. Focus. By half 10 I was lightly banging my head against the wall as I sat under a pile of clothes, books and bags of rubbish, at 11:05 I managed to clear a path from my door to my bed – I wasn’t getting this done in one go.
I was working the day after I began to tidy, so I didn’t get the chance to continue it until half 6 that evening. Luckily, I got to start off with the papers which pretty much all went into the bag for rubbish. By this time, I had accumulated 2 large bags of bin-worthy rubbish and 3 bags of clothing donations. Next came the misc. items – Komono, as they are referred to – miscellaneous items are anything from CDs, DVDs, passports, stationary, to buttons, cables and make up. The exact range is as follows: This was the category I enjoyed the most, I had soooo many little knick knacks all over my room, some I kept out of guilt, some because I am a hoarder. A horrible, dirty hoarder. They all pretty much went bye-bye anyways. Sentimental items came next – this wasn’t so enjoyable. I won’t lie, a lot of the belongings I had in this category I kept. I can be quite a big softy at times and ended up spending over an hour just going through old photos, letters, notes and gifts and reminiscing. Swear I didn’t cry over how tiny my little brothers and little sister used to be! Though I kept most of what was in the ‘sentimental’ category, I organised them well in a photo album which I can now proudly display!
Finally, I got the chance to store my belongings (discard first, store later). I couldn’t get over how easily I found places for what I had left, now everything I own has its own home in my bedroom and, with exception from a few books, they’re all visible.
‘Appearance’ Area
My clothes, make up and jewellery are all stored within reach of each other – my ‘appearance’ area. My shoes are all together, my blog folders, iPad, laptop and printer are altogether at my desk – my ‘blog’ area.
blogging/shoe area
My books are stored under my bed in two drawers, one for study books (psychology, Italian and self-help books) and one for my Spirit & Destiny magazines, stationary and some novels. Sentimental items are stored on my top shelf, a few more books I’d use more often on the second and candles and cutesy decorative things on the bottom shelf. That’s it – that’s my bedroom.
Before & After
Before, I had clothes balled up on top of each other and about 5 items per hanger, I tried to designate drawers for sub-categories but I never stuck to them until now. Now I have one item of clothing per hanger, separate drawers for underwear, socks, pyjamas, tops and bottoms – and they all fit! Did you know you’re folding your clothes wrong? Yeah, Marie Kondo explains a really good theory as to why we stack them on top of each other when really, we should be stacking them beside each other vertically. It really is way easier to access them. Also, rid yourself of trackies. Loungewear is now considered taboo. Oh right.
Socks also have a specific way to be folded. Do you ball yours up? I did, I always have. Even when I had odd socks, I’d ball them all up together until I found their missing partner. Of course that’s the wrong way to do it though, to store your socks you should put them lying flat on top of each other and roll them from the top towards the toe, storing them upright to leave you with a little swirl (like a cinnamon bun!). Balling up your socks causes the elastic in them to stretch which is why sometimes they roll down. Kondo noted in her book how she longs to tell students she sees with their limpy socks how they should be storing them, so for everyone’s sake just roll them up instead of potato-balling them. By the way, was I the only person who stored my socks and undies together? ‘Cause now I have a separate drawer for my socks and tights and I feel really pretentious but I love it. Tell me I wasn’t the only one who stored them together.. and if there are people out there storing them together – stop. Trust me. Being able to say ‘my sock drawer’ makes you really cool.
How To: Store your socks!
step 2
step 3
cinnamon swirl!
It has been over a month now since I cleared out my room and I’m absolutely delighted to say it’s still just as clean as it was the day I completed it, vacuumed and all. The first thing my Mam noted about it was how bare it was – which is exactly how I wanted it, I just wasn’t fully aware of it. The brightness in my room now is unbelievable, it’s unfortunate positioning left it with a lack of natural lightning but with the light-coloured furniture and bare walls I can make the most of the daylight. Since I was a teenager I had a need to fill up my bedroom walls with posters, quotes, concert tickets, pictures of friends and family and so on, I carried this need with my in this bedroom, behind my bed are some of my favourite photographs hanging up pinterest style, and facing across from where I sleep in my bed was a wall filled with tickets, signs, and political declarations. I still have my photographs up but in time I could replace them with the kinds of pictures which belong on a vision board (therefore this will be my vision wall, always gotta get one up on everyone else..). My opposing wall is completely empty however, bar two decorative quote thingies my Step-Dad picked up for me when I wasn’t feeling the best. I think this wall was the biggest change in my room, it has a calm influence on my bedroom now.
In total, I filled 5 45-litre bags for donating to a local charity and 3 45-litre bags of rubbish. I won’t deny the touch of separation anxiety I felt in the days following the clear out, wondering if I’d been too strict with what I discarded or not but if I genuinely miss an item that much I’ll just go source another one. Thankfully there’s nothing I’m missing, and a couple of days ago I filled a plastic bag with some more donations of bits and bobs that I was unsure of whether I was ready to let go of yet or not.
I wasn’t lying about the bags 🙂
A part of me still feels like it isn’t going to last, it is genuinely the perfect room for me and I’m fully in love with it, every time I use something I put it back where it belongs and I may or may not have taken to thanking my shoes after a day of wearing them..
Testimonies included in the book state how the tidying has improved people’s lives, I have felt a lot calmer recently and have been more productive with things that I pushed to the bottom of my to-do list – such as fixing up my poor car which has been sitting out the back untouched for over a year! Hopefully not much longer until she’ll be road-worthy again! (Would this be something you’d be interested in following along with? Let me know!) I made jokes in my review about OCD, but I genuinely recommend this method to everyone. Most of her steps are listed on pinterest, if you just search “KonMari” you’ll find all you need. From my experience, if I had to describe the KonMari Method in one word, it would be ‘relief’. I have a brand new bedroom, the one I have always wanted with a unique space for blogging, a beautiful candle display across from my bed, a proper home for my shoes and a perfect blend of happy yet calming colours. Pity I’m planning on moving into my own place in the near-ish future, but at least then I can apply the method to my own home, having it on point from day one!
So I decided to apply the 'Kon Mari' method to my bedroom... Every Wednesday I share a review of a book. The book is chosen for me weekly and I cannot refuse the book, I have to read it and I have to review it.
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all the questionsss :D
Top of tha mornin to ya, anon! I guess you DO wanna know something! Is it you that wants to know everything? If not, thats a pretty popular view, hahaha! But i like your hutzpah, kid! 1: Full name : Madison Grace
2: Age : I am nineteen
3: 3 Fears : I mean, I dont really have but one fear, but I suppose silence, darkness, and opening up to people, but those are just due to inner issues and are things easily fixed that i deal with on a daily basis.
4: 3 things I love : I love Paul and dinosaours and my family!
5: 3 turns on : Passion, no fear of social standards, hilarity!
6: 3 turns off : Common camo, no consideration of others, my ex bf!
7: My best friend: all of my friends now??
8: Sexual orientation: ?????????
9: My best first date: That is by far this last one i went on! It was incredible, i will never forget it!
10: How tall am I: Smol standing at 5′6′’
11: What do I miss: I miss traveling. I cant do it so much anymore as of this exact moment, but i do what i can
12: What time were I born: I was born exactly on the dot at 8:45 in the morning!
13: Favourite color: ALL THE COLOURS!
14: Do I have a crush: Nope!
15: Favourite quote: I dont really have one, but ill just put the last one that i shared. I came across it by accident and it is actually a lyric, but it says: “We make each other better, we may not be perfect, but we are perfect together” and its such a sweet, aweome song and it made me too emotional than i am confortable with.
16: Favourite place: I do not have one, actually!
17: Favourite food: How could you ever pick just one? There is so many delectable things out there!
18: Do I use sarcasm: Wha-whaaaattt! Pshhhh, haha, do i, do I use sarcasm?!?!? Hahahaha, noooooooooooooooo.
19: What am I listening to right now: I just have The Office playing in the background, ive gotta shower here soon, but I am tryna crunch out these questions first!
20: First thing I notice in new person: Existence?
21: Shoe size: That is a tricky question, but the shoes i am wearing today are a 9.5H
22: Eye color: As of rn, they are lightish brown!
23: Hair color: Browwwnn
24: Favourite style of clothing: I mean, i dont have an answer for this, but eccentric?
25: Ever done a prank call?: I mean, do middle school girls do dumb things at sleep overs?…yes.
27: Meaning behind my URL: I have used this url for soooooo many years now, it is basically my signature username. I came up with this in,,,a round fourth grade time, and that was when i was really noticing my connection to mother nature and i was the weird kid and so ‘different’ stood out to me, (”different” being a good connotation and “strange” being the opposing) and ‘dove’ was a nice word, showing a bit of religion and peace and so i feel they fit together very nicely! It also turned out for Morning Dove to be my first larger role, and my ancients gave me this bag of random jewlery from all over and it had a beautiful handmade dove in it with beads.
28: Favourite movie: N/a
29: Favourite song N/a
30: Favourite band Really, how does one pick these things?
31: How I feel right now: I,,,I feel, not necessarily happy, but, almost. Content?
32: Someone I love: Rachel
33: My current relationship status: Single and ready to fla-stay that way.
34: My relationship with my parents: Nonexistent?
35: Favourite holiday: I dont have one! I really kind of like all of them! Well, except for valentines day. Thats so stupid, im not even gonna get that soap box.
36: Tattoos and piercing i have: Sadly, i just have my lobes pierced, but i want soooo many more piercings that are underway. I want too many tattoos, and i cant really get them, so im just gonna deal without.
37: Tattoos and piercing i want: Well, the next is my conch ear pierced. I have an ear map of ones that i want.
38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I mean, this is not my original tumblr, but it was actually my friend Tahlia who suggested it. I was making really cool art out of fruit at lunch and she wanted me to post it, and so she told me about it and i cant remember what that blog was, but i will remember eventually. But i joined off of her recommendation and here i am!
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No, i mean,,, he hurt me beyond belief and its really something ive been trying to get the heck ut of my life, but no, i dont hate him. I know he despises me, but i feel what i feel and as much wrong as he did me, i do not hate him.
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: I meaannn, technically yes, but ive not gotten a “good morning” text in a good while. I tend to talk to people very late, and so we will say good bye n good night, but not really, no.
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: I have not.
42: When did I last hold hands?: Goodness, that is a time ago, huh. Thats not something ive thought about in a good while. I held a mannequin hand earlier, but a human, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: It depends, anywhere from and hour to five hours.
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: HAHAHAHAHAHA
45: Where am I right now?: I am sitting on my couch in the living room. My home.
*the part where i shorten answers, sweet and simple. AKA i didnt realize how long this was and i want to get them all, but im on a time crunch*
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: Then it would be whichever friend is there. We have good care for one another. Or the DD
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: Suuuuuuuuuuper loud, man.
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: Ugh. Unfortunately.
49: Am I excited for anything?: I am excited, yes. I get to give a gift tomorrow and get ready for KCACTF.
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: Theres not really anyone, of any gender, that i have told everything to.
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: too much.
52: When was the last time I hugged someone? I hugged this guy today…
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I mean she IS married, soooo
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: Huh? No?
55: What is something I disliked about today? I should have gotten something different at the restaurant, i didnt know it would be huge.
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: The frozen head of walt disney
57: What do I think about most? Theatre? God? Honestly, my thoughts are nothing to mess with
58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can,,,uhhh, I am great at champagne towers?
59: Do I have any strange phobias?: Nope. But my friend is afraid of two things. Whales and jello.
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Boooooth
61: What was the last lie I told?: Im hanging out with Shelby and Ariel.
62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Both is pretty cool. Talking is easier for my situation (more available, etc.)
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yep. YEP.
64: Do I believe in magic? Of course!
65: Do I believe in luck? Yes, but sometimes you have to make your own luck.
66: What’s the weather like right now? It is actually starting to snow! :D
67: What was the last book I’ve read? A Meisner book by friend lent me.
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Overall-yes. but i hate pumping gas, and thats really the only time i smell it.
69: Do I have any nicknames? Not particularly, no.
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Probably my heart, itm.
71: Do I spend money or save it?: I am trying to balance.
72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? Yes, i can, actually.
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: My ipad has pink in the case!
74: Favourite animal?: None. All of them.
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Dude. Freaking out over Gravity Falls!
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: Uhhhhhhh, what? (McBadguy)
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: I mean, all of the musics. Ooh lala? By ginger minj.
78: How can you win my heart?: I dont know you, it depends on you. But i feel my sparkling personality is a shooin.
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: “Theyre not dead. Theyre never gonna die, but still chipped in for a cool tombstone, TAKE THAT DEBORA.”
80: What is my favorite word?: I dont have one, but there is this thing where people say a word and it just sounds perfect with their voice. My freshman english teacher had one. And its just strange and itll stop me in my tracks.
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: Theres so many great ones! I highly reccomend lots of my mutuals, theyre all perfect hoomuns.
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Made you look.
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: Not that i know of.
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: The power to have every power.
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: Really anything on my personal life.
86: What is my current desktop picture?: I dont have a desktop.
87: Had sex?: Regerts. So many ragreeerrrts
88: Bought condoms? Nope.
89: Gotten pregnant? Nope.
90: Failed a class? Yes. And it is not hindering me.
91: Kissed a boy?: yes i have
92: Kissed a girl? Yep
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? No.
94: Had job? I have, i need another, though.
95: Left the house without my wallet? Only all the time.
96: Bullied someone on the internet? Of course not. Thats never okay.
97: Had sex in public? I mean, technically, but no, not really. If ever.
98: Played on a sports team? Yeah, several actually.
99: Smoked weed? The devils lettuce. That gateway drug? THe wacKY TOBACKEE?!?! Yes.
100: Did drugs? Yep.
101: Smoked cigarettes? No, goodness no. And thats not gonna happen. ick
102: Drank alcohol? Yep.
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Never had this question before, i am vegan, yes!
104: Been overweight? Never not
105: Been underweight? HAha, yeahright
106: Been to a wedding? Yes! I love weddings! My last one ive been to was my dear friend Kelley.
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: Minimum.
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Childs play.
109: Been outside my home country? Yes and i cannot wait to go back
110: Gotten my heart broken? Hahahahaha only a lot.
111: Been to a professional sports game?: A few actually! I love it
112: Broken a bone? No, knock on wood
113: Cut myself? Yes. Dont do it.
114: Been to prom? Twice. Prom ruler yoyo
115: Been in airplane? Yes! Its great, good memories.
116: Fly by helicopter? Gosh i wish. I had an opportunity to at school, but i didnt learn until after the fact, They didnt think id want to. WOULDNT WANT TO. PSSSHHH. HA.
117: What concerts have I been to? So many. THe last big one was P!ATD and FOB in Georgia
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Maybe?
119: Learned another language? I am working on it, yeah.
120: Wore make up? I am actually wearing it at this very moment.
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: Ugh. Regeerrrtttsssssss
122: Had oral sex? Nope.
123: Dyed my hair? Nah
124: Voted in a presidential election? Sadly i have not. not yet.
125: Rode in an ambulance? No, actually. And i hope i never will. Unless its just a fun parade-type thing. Or a car chase.
126: Had a surgery? Besides oral surgery, no.
127: Met someone famous? A few, yeah. Shout out Fanboy
128: Stalked someone on a social network? Mildly, yeah.
129: Peed outside? So. Hard.
130: Been fishing? Nah
131: Helped with charity? Yeah, i love volunteering!
132: Been rejected by a crush?: Yuuuppppppp.
133: Broken a mirror? ……maybe a little
134: What do I want for birthday? Is surprise party a bad answer? Ive always wanted oneee
135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? Ahhhhhh, who knows. Not present Madison. Thats future Madisons problem.
136: Was I named after anyone?: No, but who knows.
137: Do I like my handwriting? Yes. Its changed so much and is all over the place, but its great.
138: What was my favourite toy as a child?: Iiiiiii, i dont know.
139: Favourite Tv Show? N/a.
140: Where do I want to live when older? Nowhere. I want to keep traveling and live in cast/crew housing and yes.
141: Play any musical instrument? Clarinet, beginners piano, beginners cello, beginners bagpipes.
142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Ive not one on my right leg, four o’clock from my knee that i got from my kittens the last time i saw them…
143: Favourite pizza toping? Vegan thingssssss (a rare commodity where i live)
144: Am I afraid of the dark? Not teccchnically, but i cant be in it.
145: Am I afraid of heights? Nooooo, theyre wonderful!
146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Nope. Its only illegal if you get caught.
147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? School is being a dumb dummyhead.
148: What I’m really bad at. Everything, really?
149: What my greatest achievments are. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…?
150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me. Honestly, i have those stored atm and really couldnt tell you.
151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery. MADE SURE I CASKED THE TICKET ASAP. THOSE THIGNS HAVE A QUICK EXPIRATION DATE.
152: What do I like about myself. Uhhhh,,,,,,, my minds not there atm. Come again.
153: My closest Tumblr friend. Teccchnicaly its @shelby ashley 3, but idk if thats cheating.
154: Something I fantasise about. Fantasise? Idk if you know me, but thats a vvv tricky subject.
155: Any question you’d like? Well, you didnt specify for this, so i suppose were finished! You might have noticed by now, but i am not able to answer every question in the ‘traditional’ way, but i hope you had fun reading these and you learned something new! I enjoyed answering them! I hope you have a wonderful day!
#anon#ask me more things#my inbox is always open#anon asks#me answering#ask games#love these#gross#cool#some questions are so trickkyyyyy#plus#being on a laptop i cant do upside down question marks#which sucks#but this post would be chamged so much#oh well#live and learn#ah no#no no no#tough day#anyways#thanks agai-...nope#thanks anon#i wish you the best#have fun reading these#most of them can be elaborated and spurn new conversation#so if you wanna know more#you can always send me more asks or a message#all under our discretion#cooll#well
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