#but on here i will talk about math when i want to
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Let's talk about this a bit!
If a honey is legitimately labeled with a specific floral origin -- like the black locust honey I mentioned -- it means that (in the US at least), that the floral source must be predominantly the listed plant, and the producer needs to be able to demonstrate how they know.
Here's the US Food & Drug Administration honey labeling guidance:
and the specific floral origin policy:
https://www.fda.gov/regulatory-information/search-fda-guidance-documents/cpg-sec-515300-honey-source-declaration
So, how do apiaries know what kind of flowers they get for those labeled honeys? Well, usually they combine two methods: they control what the primary flower around the bees is, and they have the pollen in the honey analyzed. Both of these cost money to do -- to control the primary flower, you have to physically move hives, or else have established rotations of the floral crops you want (which requires long-term control of the land, and all the agricultural work that goes into maintaining it). Luckily you can sometimes combine this with an income stream of renting bees to farmers to pollinate their crops, if they have the right sort of crops. Wildflower honey is relatively flexible, as you can do something like many of the small apiaries around me do: you maintain a meadow space with your hives in it. But a lot of smaller apiaries or even larger ones where they don't do as much work to control sources just don't bother with the expense of tracking the floral origin. It's not necessary in order to sell the honey as honey or for it to be real honey by any measure, after all!
Honey and allergies is a pretty complex topic with a lot of ongoing active research. I took a look at a recent mini lit review from 2021 that inexplicably won't link: The Potential use of Honey as a Remedy for Allergic Diseases: A Mini Review by Poi Yi Aw Yong, et al. There's some research that a sufficient dose of a local honey, taken orally daily, helps alleviate allergic rhinitis (sniffles, congestion) specifically, but other research showed it didn't seem help with allergic rhinoconjunctivitis (when your eyes get involved). Why? One theory is the dosage needed! Math incoming! The rhinitis study had a dose of 1 g/kg of body weight daily, and the rhinoconjunctivitis study had 1 tablespoon of honey daily.
What's the difference between those numbers? Well, for a 100 lb human, that is 45.36 kg, so you need 45.36 grams of honey. Honey's density is about 1.40 kg/L.
45.36 g * 1 kg/1000g = 0.04536 kg
0.04536 kg / 1.40 kg = 0.0324 L = approximately 1 fl oz = approximately 2 tbsp
And it goes up from there. If you weigh 200lbs you'd get about 4 tbsp per day in the study where it worked to tamp down allergies. I love honey but I'm not eating all that.
Also, as the person whose tags I'm quoting mentioned, there's anecdotal evidence that sometimes, at least with some allergies, honey can cause allergic symptoms if the pollen in it is sourced from plants related to plants you are allergic to. Ragweed is a known culprit here -- if you have a ragweed allergy, and you ingest honey with the pollen of related plants in it, you can have a bad time. (Ragweed is part of a very large plant family called Asteraceae, and while ragweed itself is wind-pollinated, people with ragweed allergy can have allergies to the pollens from insect-pollinated members of Asteraceae. See https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4482820/ for some info on this.)
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*slams door back open and comes back into the room*
Ok you know what, no
You know what also doesn't make sense?? People are translating or clarifying the offer katsuki made and saying he was asking Izuku to be a SIDEKICK, and not open/partner at an agency.
But you know what, that doesn't really make sense either!
Bc they're also saying that in the MHA universe, sidekicks do not get hero ranked. And in the case of being katsukis sidekick, Izuku would be working under Katsuki.
So hold up!
You mean to tell me that Katsuki, who wanted to compete with Izuku, and race him to the top, who has long, LONG since gotten over his desire to put Izuku in his place/lord over him/boss him around,
You mean to tell me he wanted Izuku to be his SIDEKICK?
How can they compete like that?
Why would he want Izuku in a position where he couldn't compete on an equal ground? That was what he always wanted and worked for.
I'm just saying it's fucking weird that thats what katsuki asked for, because that's not what Katsuki has been trying to work for.
Isn't Katsuki wanting him to be a sidekick under him kind of defeating the purpose of his development, of the whole 8 hear process he went through to get Izuku back out into the field? Is this not inconsistent?
#the math aint mathing#what happened here#what is the truth#bakudeku#yhe epilogue continues to plague me#ugh i need to wait until the official thing comes out but dammit#retconning Katsuki??#if anything izuku should be a freelancer#until maybe some years and experience down the line that they want to think about an agency or partnership#idfk man this vexes me#why did hori write the ending like this#i can SEE katsuki asking him to be his partner.#but sidekick makes no sense after all his development.#BE MY SIDEKICK IZUKU was for back when they were children and katsuki had a superiority complex#i thought forsure that we were talking about a PARTNERSHIP here#or at least working in the same agenxt#bc it is unclear if katsuki owns an agency at this point or if he is working under an established kne#but hes still fairly young so idk??
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based on this hilarious post thank you @bidisasterevankinard and @aringofsalt brief timeline explanation: this is an au in which they broke up sometime in february instead of november. good? good, let's go also on ao3
They were here last year, holding hands as they strolled through the market, briefly stopping at every stall to browse the menu or admire the handmade crafts.
He’s on his third cup of gluhwein and it’s mostly lukewarm at this point, he knocks it back and throws the empty cup in the closest recycling bin and turns to go find Sal and the girls when his eye catches a baby in a stroller a few feet away.
Tommy blinks back the tears. He can almost picture Evan next to him, smiling at this adorable baby, pulling a face to make it laugh — and God, it was supposed to be them, they were supposed to be here together, and it’s been nearly a year since the breakup and Tommy still isn’t quite right.
That’s when he notices the baby’s dad straightening up from where he was digging around in the bag underneath the stroller and — it can’t be.
“Evan,” Tommy whispers, a rush of a breath knocked out of him like he’s been gut-punched. Before he can fully process what’s going on, Tommy’s making his way over, calling out Evan’s name louder this time, too loud to be polite.
“Tommy,” Evan says, and he’s surprised to see him, but there’s no anger in his eyes, nothing but fondness in the way he utters his name; Evan looks happy to see him.
Tommy loses half his mind. “When did — why didn’t you tell me?” Tommy demands in a shaky voice. He’s too drunk to do the maths, and he’s spectacularly bad at guessing baby ages — the kid looks about 6 months old, if you asked Tommy — but it’s the only explanation. “I’m so sorry, Evan, I wish I could have been there for you, oh my God, you should have told me!”
Evan is blinking at him, as is his baby. Tommy is trying so hard not to break down crying.
“Um,” Evan is glancing around nervously, and distantly Tommy knows he’s making a bit of a scene and attracting attention from the people around them but he’s too drunk to keep his voice down.
“You didn’t have to go through it alone! How far along were you when we broke up? I would have stayed if I’d known, why didn’t you tell me?” Tommy covers his mouth with his hand, then pushes it through his hair, mussing it up. “Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I don’t want to be a deadbeat dad, Evan!”
And then Evan is smiling and reaching out to grab Tommy by his wrist, squeezing gently. “Let’s go somewhere more private and we can talk about it, okay?” He takes Tommy’s hand and laces their fingers together and starts pushing the stroller one-handed, still smiling as they wade through the crowds.
Tommy lets the tears fall, blurring his vision, awkwardly letting himself be led to the parking lot. He’s a sniffling mess, wiping at his eyes and nose with the sleeves of his hoodie, and he wishes he could have taken this time to compose himself but as soon as they stop by Evan’s Jeep, Tommy turns and falls into his arms, and Evan holds him and squeezes him tightly and lets him cry it out.
“I think you got some wires mixed, babe,” Evan tells him when Tommy finally manages to detach himself from the man. “Did you really think you managed to knock me up? I mean, I know you gave it your best shot, but, Tommy, honey…”
Tommy's face falls. He blinks as he snaps back to reality.
He looks down at the baby in the stroller as Evan bends down to unbuckle the seatbelt and scoops it up in his arms. “This is Skylar. He’s a safe surrender baby. His mother dropped him off at the firehouse a few months ago. I'm fostering him.”
“So… he’s not…”
“No, he’s not our baby, you dummy. How much mulled wine have you had?” Evan is grinning at him and Tommy feels the embarrassment setting in, warming up his already flushed face.
“I’m sorry.” Tommy whispers.
Evan nods and unlocks the car, goes about securing the baby in his car seat and folding the stroller and putting it in the trunk. then he turns to face Tommy again.
“We’d like to invite you over for a coffee or a tea. Probably coffee to sober you up.”
Tommy hangs his head and stares resolutely at his shoes. This is so goddamn embarrassing and Evan’s inviting him to his loft for a coffee and he wishes he was sober enough for a real conversation.
There's so much he wants to say.
“I’d like that.” Tommy mumbles.
Evan steps closer to him. He grabs Tommy’s chin between his finger and his thumb and tilts his head so their eyes meet, and then he’s sliding his hand over Tommy's cheek and Tommy is weak but to lean into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. “I've missed you.” Evan says, voice soft.
“I've missed you, too. So much.”
“Come on.” Evan nods for him to get in the passenger seat. “We have a lot to talk about. Maybe afterwards I'll let you try to knock me up again, see if you have better luck this time,” he adds with another grin and Tommy groans and drops his head in his hands.
He’s never going to live this down.
#bucktommy#bucktommy fanfic#my writing#tommy kinard#evan buckley#yes breed no preg#-> for classification purposes
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I know this is a serious scene, but I really like how Mitsuki did her hair for prom. <manifesting> It reminds me of when she told Aya she liked her natural perm. She's trying to be cute for her date. <manifesting intensifies>
Ch. 111
Here we go! I guess the third volume (*does the math*) is ending around the events of the big night then?
Mitsuki is presumably either being driven to the train station or driven directly to the industry party.
Her hair looks like 18-20-ish year old Joe's did back in the day. Can't escape those genetics. The half of her that is non-Koga does not present at all. Maybe her nose. Unclear.
Joe indirectly pointing out how freak'n weird it would be to bring roses to where she says she's going. Mitsuki isn't telling him her plans, but she's definitely taking those roses to Aya. And she's handling it herself without his help.
TBF Joe has fumbled his own romantic life to the point he is going to be lapped by Mitsuki at this rate. She isn't getting advice from him this time.
Reading between the lines Mitsuki has grown up knowing that she had been the roadblock for them being together and that has to suck. No matter how much Joe didn't hold it against her. They've mutually tried very hard not to be a burden to each other, but they also have had nobody to share their feelings with about this in the process because the other is part of the reason things are as they are.
Now that it's happening AGAIN and she's not just older but in her own communication stunted relationship she has to feel the hurt even harder.
Wait. Could we be headed towards a double event? A prom AND airport get-your-girl-athon? Don't fumble this, Joe.
Mitsuki, who used to say there are things talking won't fix about those two, is talking about feelings. She's the only one who can say these things to him finally. The silent third person in the triangle has grown up.
["Wants to get mad, but couldn't catch up in time."] I've never felt more seen.
Mitsuki is not going where he's taking her anyway so this works out fine.
It kind of looks like she bludgeons him with the flowers. Not sure if she's given them to him or still has them. He might need them more with Kanna than she with Aya at this point.
If Mitsuki talked more this would be a shorter series.
But I get how she couldn't talk to him about Kanna until now that she's grown up and loved someone herself. Look at the stars in her eyes.
I get he's holding on to her youth out of love, but seeing that he'd choose to drive her to a party that she could get to on her own instead of making it to his absolute last chance with Kanna... it had to be Mitsuki forcibly removing herself from the equation for him to get to this moment.
He isn't wired to pick himself without outside help. Flashback to when Kanna turned up again. He had a second chance and it's at the 11th hour now. Hopefully she did give him the flowers to use.
Team Joe — Assemble!
#the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all#I write Mitsuki when she is with Joe or Kanna and Koga when she is with Aya#arai sumiko#green manga#yuri#manga#tgswiiwagaa#the guy she was interested in wasnt a guy at all#kinioto
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Do you believe Brooklynn has feelings for Darius?
Hellooo, I really don't think she does! (who's surprised honestly?) No but fr I need to stop writing essays on this topic 😂 Thank god i'm an insomniac.
I know people are convinced she loves him back because she didn't *actually* reject him and instead said "I'm not really ready for..." but if you look closely at the sequence, the way they animated her body language and facial expressions is much more telling than her words (at least to me), and it led to me agreeing with Darius' recollection of this moment (she tried to be nice about it but it was clear she didn't feel the same).
Like, I don't see how anyone can see that and think she's in love 😭 THAT'S the face of love according to this fandom???? She looks horrified at the mere possibility that Darius could feel anything other than friendship towards her.
Also important to note that she started saying "I just don't think..." before changing her choice of words, and to me it's a clear sign she was about to reject him more directly, but couldn't do it, so instead she went for an answer that would spare his feelings.
And when you add the shot of her putting distance btw them by moving her feet away from him as if she suddenly felt uncomfortable with their proximity... Why would you physically recoil as the person you *supposedly* love confesses to you?
To me if the writers had wanted to indicate that deep down she wanted to be with Darius, but couldn't in this moment because it was too soon (as she said)/for Kenji's sake, they would have had her say the same thing, but have her body instinctively move closer to him as a physical manifestation of her "true feelings" (...which it is, but it moved away, you do the math).
Also the fact that right after that she still asks him to meet with her for her investigation. I don't know, I think that if she felt anything towards him she would have been as embarrassed/uncomfortable as him, but here she brushed it off as if it was nothing. She had no problem with the idea that she would see him later that day, as if to her there was nothing more to be said/this "incident"/chapter was closed.
I already talked about the look during the plane scene so I'm not going to do it again.
From a story standpoint, it would be really questionnable writing if she suddenly fell in love with someone a week after her partner of 6 years dumped her.
And I absolutely cannot see them throw the "she was in love with Darius while dating Kenji" excuse at us, like, that's straight up character assassination. I know they made Brook morally grey but you can't come back from that 😂. Also, it would go against what they showed in the two first seasons because she looked really in love with Kenji (how devastated she looked when he broke up, how happy they were on the video on her phone, how physically affectionate she was with him in episode 3, the picture of them in her secret apartment...).
And this.
I didn't think my biggest evidence for Kenlynn would be some scribbles on a notebook, but oh well 😂
Like, one simply cannot explain this away. This was her attempt at telling them she was alive, and she only wrote to Kenji, not Darius. And it's not like she had to censore herself or to, idk, force herself to write to Kenji to keep up the appearances because those are only, as I said, scribbles on a paper, her raw feelings and thoughts, something she was never going to send anyway.
Like, if they want to make dinostar canon, why post that? Why not take this opportunity to add content/substance to the ship they *supposedly* want to make endgame? Having that letter addressed to Kenji only serves the purpose of showing us that Kenji's the one on her mind, because otherwise that was unnecessary. They could have had her write to the whole camp fam, but instead they decided to show us that she wanted to tell Kenji she was alive above everyone else, including Darius, the one who confessed to her right before her "death" and who Brooklynn most likely knew felt incredibly guilty for not showing up/for her death (Ronnie probably told her).
If she was in love with Darius she would have adressed the "letter" to him, I can't see any argument against that. Or maybe it's more that if she wasn't in love with Kenji anymore, she wouldn't have written to him, but to all of them.
Honestly, the most I can see them giving Dinostar as far as Brooklynn's feelings for Darius go is to have her admit that she used to have a little crush on him when they were on Nublar but that it completely disappeared once she started getting coser to Kenji. I have nothing to back up this theory, but I don't know, I thought that much wouldn't be too far fetched.
(oh, and I almost forgot but this goes without saying... pretty sure her getting attacked, alone at night, mauled by a dino and loosing her arm partly because he set her up would have killed any potential blooming feeling in her).
#why do I feel like I'm slowly becoming Kenlynn's spoke person#lmaoooo#I mean I think it's a mix of me loving Kenlynn and me loving to argue#pretty sure everyone can see that I love to argue because why the hell am I physically incapable of writing two lines replies#I can't with me#anyway#chaos theory#jwcc#jwct#kenji kon#brooklynn#camp cretaceous#darius bowman#yasmina fadoula#sammy gutierrez#jurassic world camp cretaceous#brooklynn jwcc#kenlynn#dinostar
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Ok i'm definitely late for this but i will not lose any chance to talk about character team building. So just let me hope that i'm fashionably late or something
For my girl Nobara:
• Pdgeotto or Fletchling/Fletchinder. I think she deserves a small but cute bird pokemon, she has some stuff about being powerful but still feminine and i think a cuter pokemon is a good way to show it's not just about power and a good start for her team
• Mienfoo or Fraxure. The "strength" of her duo, I wanted a more pretty pokemon for this but i think Fraxure still makes for a good pick since axew is cute and Haxorus would fit well whit a scarred adult Nobara. Both pokemon are powerful-ish whit equaly "fighters" types to mach her fighter spirit
Megumi (my emo boy):
•Marshadow
• ANY DOG POKEMON. Really, any works, which one depends if you going whit a no jujutsu au or not and of they still jujutsu sorcerers regardless of pokémon, but Growlithe is aways a good choice (megumi whit big doggo)
• Umbreon or Gligar. I just think Umbreon and Gligar fit him well really
Yuji my beloved:
• Bewear. It’s a fighting type and pink, it's literally him at the start of the show
• Riolu. I think Yuji deserves a dog pokemon and just imagine a mega lucario fighting beside Yuji
• Infernape. If we going to the show timeline, i just think a infernape would work really well for after Shibuya City. It also would be poetic, a pokemon whit a burning fire like the fire Sakuna used to destroy the city (bonus point if the pokemon was originally Sakunas or a gift from Sakuna in a ealier stage)
Gojo:
• Silvally. I think Gojo should have one pokemon from Geto and what better pick that the man-made God, or the attempt to make one, this pokemon lookwise just fits whit Geto. But you can say it's aways as Gojo's, a god-like pokemon to a god-like person
• Cetoddle or Goodra. Newer pokemon but well fiting in my opinion, both are big friendly babies and thats about it.
• Shiny!Gardevoir. That man needs a shiny, and i think Gardevoir shoul be the one to be shiny, they elegant and powerful and shiny mega Gardevoir would be perfect whit in
• Galarian Cursola or Hisuian Zoroak. This one may feel odd but i picked them for one reason, both can represent death, and i thinks this could be a good nod to the fact he is dommed by the narrative and in my headcanon that he slight suicidal but is too powerfull and needed to die
•Dragonair. No reason, i just think it would be neat
Pre death Geto:
• Type-null. Evolves to be Gojo's Silvally or makes par whit Gojo's Type-null. They mathing! How romantic!
• Reuniclus. My man is a genius and i think a psyquic type mets beiology book can show that part of him and fits his astetic
• Frillish. Pretty ghost for pretties man. Frillish is brutal in his hauting and a good fit, also a ghost type
• Mimikyu. I will not lie, i dont know Geto that way and i'm runing out of juice here
• Male!Meowstic. Yes
After death Geto(aka Kenjaku):
• Bombirdier. This pokemon is a dark type for a reason and is because of that reason that he is here
• Hisuian Arcanine. Ancient pokemon to ancient man. Every villian can need a guard dog
• Galarian Slowking. I like to think that this one has whit him when he had Yuji. That woman feels like she would own one of theres, shoul also have a out of there nickname, like Sea Star or something
• Murkrow. Small and quick. Steals stuff for him and works as a spy
Hypothetically- (Despite the fact I need to continue working on my current stories lol)
If I was to do a JJK & Pokemon crossover, with SIkuna... What pokemon would everyone have you think?
(That also does include ancient individuals such as Uraume & Kenjaku, alongside modern like Gojo, Geto, Megumi, Etc)
#jjk x pokemon#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen au#pokemon#pokemon crossover#pokemon au#jujutsu kaisen crossover#jjk crossover#I have run out of juice#Anyone can feel free to use and chage it as they please#I tried to limit de among of pokemon#Since a kid raising 6 pokemon is not really realistic#Tell me a kid that could feed a dog as big as arcanine#Much less 2 arcanines
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🌻
omg hey!!
I’m running out of relevant things to say so i will say something irrelevant…sorry
But I’m actually having so much fun with this sideblog bc i feel like i can post whatever i want and that yall are here to see me and not just content i produce
love yall <3
#like on my main i do feel some Pressure#not a lot but some#bc i have a bigger following than i used to#so I’m like#trying to only post what i know people followed me for#let’s be real nobody followed my main to hear me talk about math#but on here i will talk about math when i want to#and yall just click that like button even tho you’re probably not interested#but i appreciate it#ask game#asked and answered
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me
#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life#I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever#my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified#and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn#in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc#don’t get me started with math#I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did#(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class#throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe#to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah#like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think#I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late#without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car#anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related#adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of#when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc#depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress#I’m not sure why im making this post#kibumblabs
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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the popularity of that calculus book or whatever and the accompanying comments show me how many people do not know how to learn. the book is worder in a, as my philosophy professor would say, debil friendly way, yes, but also, how did you not figure that out by yourself when the teacher's explanaiton did not suffice and then when you couldn't do it by yourself, why didn't you try and find one of the million and one free online courses of people also explaining shit in a debil friendly way
#i am not talking about people who did not want to get it i am talking about “if only my professor explained it like this” people#cause i had a shitty math professor and decided that ok well if you're not gonna explain i'll figure it out by myself and then when#i couldn't i got toni milun to explain it to me on youtube for free#like what was the issue here exactly#learned helplessness#that's what it was#ura.txt
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i spent 7 hours studying for one subject today no problem and even had fun doing it + im trying to imagine what middle/high school would’ve been like if i’d been properly medicated
#imagine the academic weapon i could’ve been if anyone had noticed i needed help…#rly no point in dwelling on it but i’m just angry that my mother never noticed#i’d been struggling with turning things in on time due to executive dysfunction pretty much forever#like i can remember it happening in third grade#and none of my teachers or anyone ever thought there might be a problem bc i guess i was compensating too well#that’s what i get for being a highly intelligent girl with adhd instead of a boy that acts out in class ig🙄#i just wish i’d had someone advocating for me#like my mom advocated for me to be put into higher level classes#but when i nearly failed 3 virtual math classes in a row in middle school bc i wasn’t doing any assignments but still acing tests#she just told me i had to do all the assignments and gave me an incentive to do it#instead of ever asking me WHY i wasn’t doing assignments#it wasn’t because i didn’t want to it was because i was literally incapable#and there’s a million other examples exactly like that scattered all throughout the parts of my childhood i still remember#wish it didn’t take me so long to realize i have to advocate for myself#using tumblr as a journal where there are people stuck in here forced to listen to me talk about my mom
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in theory my bisexuality is split pretty evenly re: preference for men vs. women. maybe 55/45 in favor of women. and then i actually interact with men.
#(i'm attracted to nb folks too but idk how the math works out when i include y'all)#like. there are so many guys out there who would be so wonderful to be around if they could dial back the male entitlement#oh my goddd i told this dude multiple times i don't want to have anyone over at my apartment bc it's messy#like let's go take the ferry or go to a movie or something like we LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT DOING#literally the last 10 minutes of our “date” was me trying to convince this man i don't want to go to anyone's apartment next time we hang#“let's go see a broadway show” “let's go to a park ANY PARK outside”#eventually i landed on “ok i will LET YOU KNOW”#the next day: “so here's a list of documentaries we can watch at your place” -_-#documentaries was a CONCESSION like that is my least favorite genre of film. “spooky documentaries” was all we could agree on asldfkj#i've been making a concerted effort to not ghost people but i'm making an exception bc i cannot#this whole experience. y'all i was never interested in this guy! he asked for my number after our meetup event and i was like ????#we talked a bit but i didn't think we vibed at all. but i'm trying to meet new people so i was like fuck it let's hang#next time i'm telling people i don't text and they can catch me at the next meetup event lmao#m.txt
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if my main goal was to get into arguments about people who aren't real, and explain for the millionth time that reading comprehension and critical thinking are actually useful skills that you should know, you do realise that i just wouldn't bother with the whole writing thing, right?
#its so funny to me when anons come into my inbox ready to get in a fight#like..... you must realise that i have the home turf advantage here right?#an ask full of half-hearted roasts and unusual spelling is not going to convince me that i am wrong and evil#i like to spend my time on the internet doing things that are fun and that don't piss me off#so why exactly do you think i'm going to waste my time dunking on you when i don't agree with you?#if i don't like what you have to say the quite frankly i don't have to talk to you on my blog#in the same way that you owe me nothing - i actually owe YOU nothing as well#i am not entitled to your time and attention and you should not treat me as though i am#and in the same way - you are not entitled to my time or attention either#if you have something to say and your first thought is 'i have to be on anon bc i don't want anyone to know who i am'?#then know that i am laughing at you very hard#say it with your whole chest and own up to that being your opinion - or sit down and stop talking#actually i have a better idea - BLOCK ME and THEN go and do whatever else you were doing#i assume it's maths homework or a book report or something#we don't need to agree - and to be honest i don't really care what your hot takes are about people who don't exist#do enjoy your evening
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