#but now that im trying to write myself im curious how important it is to other people

[spideypoolsupremacy]

(Asking as someone who can't stop cringing at my attempts of smut and will probably never write it)

Also kissing doesn't count as smut. You can argue about it BUT IT'S NOT

Also ALSO I know the answer might depend on the fandom u are reading so let's just answer in general alrighty

Reblog for larger sample size blah blah blah (but like really plz)

[drchucktingle]

Something I’ve been curious about if it wouldn’t break the bit: are you one buckaroo or several sharing a name and persona?

greetings bud thank you for asking FIRST OF ALL want to say to you or anyone reading this post that i am not upset over this question and i am not upset with you. you have kindness in your trot and i know you are just asking to prove love in your own way. buds reading this please do not harass this person in fact maybe give them a follow or a like, they are trying their best.

OKAY NOW THAT IS OUT OF THE WAY i will talk on my feelings of this with simple statement:

this is not a bit.

i understand it can be difficult to accept this for some, especially in world where absurdity and cynical humor is so popular, but i am very sincere. even though i make jokerman jokes sometimes, even in my writing, tinglers are not supposed to be funny as a concept. if you laugh at them that is TOTALLY OKAY i understand this way when confronted with something out of the box but that is not the point of them at all. the point is that LOVE IS REAL for everyone (there are other points but that is a broad one)

now on to why i trot my trot in this way. first off is to protect my privacy this is simple enough. when i talk on son jon or sweet barbara or any other way i am adding a layer of secrets by changing names or relations or towns but that is just a fancy outfit for the real truth. i am NOT creating a character, i am protecting myself.

second and more important is that when i TALK IN MY UNIQUE WAY i am expressing myself without masking, which is something old chuck does every single day out there in the world as someone on the autism spectrum. i am VERY GOOD AT MASKING you would probably not know chuck was autistic when talking to me unless you were a close bud. but unfortunately this masking way creates very real tension in my body. i have trotted with CHRONIC PAIN for most of my life heading to emergency rooms where kind and handsome t-rex doctors could not figure out what the heck was goin on. basically LIVED in the dang emergency room. eventually chuck learned i carried my body TOO TIGHT from masking all the time, but what i realized is that allowing myself a space to type freely without way of punctuation or other restrictions and LETTING MY HEART SING to just be myself without masking made this tension release. pain started going away. GRAND IRONY of course is that when im trotting as chuck i wear a pink mask to take off my OTHER MASK of a neurotypical bud.

that is why i protect my way of speaking freely as well. if someone says 'well you need to talk like this right now' i stand tall and say NO BUD THIS IS MY SPACE AND I WILL EXPRESS MYSELF IN THIS WAY AND YOU AN TROT ON IF YOU WANT. this is firm boundary for me and my health.

anyway buckaroo to sum that up again: yes i am one person and this is not a bit

if you want to know more about my way on the autism spectrum i wrote a tingler about how it feels to have others say you are 'playing a character' and not actually neurodivergent. i think tumblr buds might enjoy so i will add it down here LOVE IS REAL thank you for your question

NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS

[princessbrunette]

im not a big john b girlie but you write him so well! your most recent one w toxicex!reader n all was so well written!

you seriously nail dialogue so well, they feel so human and their dialogue conveys such nuance and glimpses into their personality and motivations. i'm genuinely such an impressed by writing and incredible skill, you have such a seamless way with words, painting a really charged, and clear image of these characters and scenarios.

p.s some questions if youre willing to answer !

what got you into writing fan fiction?

do you write your own original stories, or are you more happy and comfortable exploring these fictional worlds as is?

would you say writing is an outlet for you, from life, or drama, or work?

when it comes to dialogue, what do you think is more important - what is said or what isn't and

do you have any particular literary inspirations for dialogue (i.e a film with good dialogue like 'before sunrise' or a novel like 'normal people' or something) or are you more thinking of just real, conversations or straight from shows (like outerbanks, and etc) and watching how they talk rather than trying to emulate any other style?

sorry if this sounds like an interview or if this is a bit much or overwhelming. i've been reading your stuff for like a good year now, and i'm just curious!

adore your work, hope all is well sending hugs n love :)) x

this is literally so sweet <3 made me so happy tysm!! of course i’ll answer ur questions ♡

what got you into writing fan fiction?

well tbh i’ve been writing ‘fanfiction’ since before i knew what it was. i’ve mentioned a few times on this blog but i had this little notebook (that i still have!) where i’d write loads of self insert stories when i was roughly 9-10 years old. i would insert myself into my favourite disney shows with the characters i had a crush on etc. it was my favourite thing to do, id bring my notebook with my everywhere and it could keep me entertained for hours! that’s probably where i got my start.

do you write your own original stories, or are you more happy and comfortable exploring these fictional worlds as is?

on tumblr particularly i’m more comfortable adapting universes that already exist because i enjoy the community i can / have built off relating characterisations with other people on the internet. i can have some sort of semblance of whether or not im doing an okay job based on the feedback. however, i grew up writing for a stage / screen too, which i’ve recently gotten back into and i do deeply enjoy creating a universe from scratch.

would you say writing is an outlet for you? from life, drama or work?

not particularly! moments in my real life have absolutely inspired by writing but i’m not sure i use it as an escape. as someone with autism, routine is really important to me. i write as part of my routine mostly every single day whether i post something or not — and if i don’t write i actually feel pretty thrown off. i also write in other forms, for example i love journalling. i think if anything were to be an outlet it would be that.

when it comes to dialogue, what do you think is more important? what is said or what isn’t?

that’s a really interesting question and honestly i’m not sure! i think it varies from fic to fic. i do think what isn’t said can be very powerful, however i believe in order to grasp what is being conveyed without words the reader would really need to understand the character — and to my understanding not every reader does. not only do i know that based off requests i receive occasionally trying to force characters into boxes i personally think they do not belong — but not everyone is here to understand, period. some readers are casual readers, just here to thirst because they saw a couple of edits they liked (which is great, no problem with that!) in which case i like to make my writing accessible to everyone and i try to make their intention as verbatim as possible.

do you have any particular literary inspirations for dialogue (i.e a film with good dialogue like 'before sunrise' or a novel like 'normal people' or something) or are you more thinking of just real, conversations or straight from shows (like outerbanks, and etc) and watching how they talk rather than trying to emulate any other style?

not any that i can remember! i focus more on trying to make my characters seem like they stepped directly off the show even if it’s based in an au. i want readers to be able to hear the intonation in their voice, understand why they’d stutter when they did, see their facial expression as they say it in their head the same way they would if they were watching outerbanks. however, when i read over my drabbles — i often reimagine them as if they were adapted to a film instead. i would give anything to watch all of my drabbles on a private screen, each of them produced in a sofia coppola style of cinema. that would be really fun and girly and aesthetically pleasing i think.

i hope that answered your questions adequately !! 🩷

[darkcircles4lyfe]

hi hello ive just come from your enneagram 9 izuku post and i am just OVERWHELMED with joy & excitement after reading it, everything you said just feels so RIGHT!!

(i am a nine myself & have always felt weirdly attached to izuku in that he felt soso similar to me in such a weirdly specific way but i couldn't really explain why i just Got Him until now, so thanks for that little boost of validation lol)

with your post in mind, i couldn't stop thinking about this line from 412 and it got me curious if you had any additional thoughts on it/read it the same way i did:

the moment i read this line i immediately took a screenshot & filed it away in my Important Izuku Moments file, like idk! the wording of it, the way he's talking about shigaraki but could SO easily be talking about himself, that honestly devastating panel of the tears in his eyes...

we've gotten plenty of hints about izuku's emotional suppression (that 'heroes dont cry' scene with iida & todoroki, his flashback of all might telling him to 'stop being such a cry baby' during the afo fight, the whole 'control your heart' plotline...) but THIS line in particular feels so significant for some reason. maybe cause this could easily be izuku recognizing himself in/through shigaraki? maybe bc it is so close to izuku acknowledging the lid hes put on his own sad & lonely past? maybe bc this is the closest we've ever gotten to izuku saying i'm not okay, even if he isn't actually talking about himself yet?

im trying really hard not to ramble too much in your inbox lol, but everything you said in your post about tomura & izuku really hit home for me, i think you're so right about them. and this line in particular is what makes me think we really are going to see some version of tomura being the one to finally break through (Decay) izuku's emotional blocks & barriers (something something locked door imagery), and that just makes me really excited. for both of them :')

YAY!! I’m so glad to hear you resonated with it. It’s otherwise a bit of a “if you know you know” sort of situation, and it felt good to actually explain it.

I had a “!” moment with that panel too, and also when he says he’s determined to break through Tomura’s barrier, expose and acknowledge his pain.

My immediate thought was, “Oh hey, I’m definitely not making this shit up after all, because Horikoshi is obviously intending to confront the concept of bottling up your emotions/your past. He literally just stated it. We're on the same page.” While it didn’t directly confirm anything about Izuku, it's at least something he is aware of, which is an important first step. There's a line in Sleeping At Last's 'Nine' that I was thinking about a lot as I was writing the latter part of that post: "I'm just trying to find myself through someone else's eyes," which speaks to a need for Tomura to be Izuku's mirror, so that he can see himself.

Also, the revelation that Izuku is clinging to the idea that everyone has a "human heart" deep down is pretty clearly applicable to himself too, implying that he's dealing with a lack of self worth (a lot of Japanese fans were talking about this, and I think it doesn't come across as easily in English). I really love how Kudou clarified that Izuku is not naive for this. It's not the same as being blissfully ignorant to how cruel people can be. It's more like, "I need to believe in the worth of others or else I can't believe in myself." That's... so painful and beautiful.

I'm also excited for what comes next! Very soon!

[bp-zb1fics]

hi! it’s me the anon who requested best sellers such as “shy shy shy” and “the perils of dating you” (im gonna just call myself anon 🐰 since i’m in here all the time😭) but i’m back with another req!!

this time it’ll be

-gunwook x male reader

-gunwook having a crush (confession included) on reader

-fluff/humor

-same year/university au!

it’s readers birthday and gunwook has always had a crush on reader. they share a lot of the same classes and same friend group but he never had the chance to talk (or confess) to reader so this year he decides to leave presents on readers desks for his birthday leading up to his big confession!

maybe throw in some challenges for gunwook (like maybe an older brother sung hanbin oop🤭) but you can go about this however you want you always do a great job in your writing!

-🐰

The perils of confessing to you~

pairing: park gunwook x male reader

genre: university au on some crack (same verse as perils of asking and sunbaenim), fluff, humour

tw/tags: planning confession, pining, gunwook’s hyung and gyuvin ftw, pda, flirting, yes gunwook’s hyung is the scarier park brother, hanbin being equally scary, it’s giving overprotective but unhinged, cheesy messages (I also cringe), lots of banter, we’ll never know what the final gift was

wc: 1928

Summary: gunwook plans to confess to you on your birthday. The plan doesn’t exactly go as planned.

a/n hi 🐰anon! Tysm for sending such fun reqs, I really never thought I could write this much comedy bc I’m really not a funny person. This fic took a diff direction from what I had in mind but I hope you like it! And since it’s the same au, gunwook’s hyung and Gyuvin are dating, it is canon~

check my pinned for more fics!

It wasn’t that Gunwook was used to winning.

Sure, he had an impressive track record. Medals from debate competitions and football matches, consistent class president or vice president certificates for every year that he was in school. Sure he was successful. But that wasn’t because he won at everything he did, 100% success rate without trying.

No, it wasn’t that Gunwook was used to winning, it’s that he knew how to win. His strategy was foolproof, carefully tweaked and reworked to fit the goal he was trying to achieve.

And now? The goal was different.

It was, arguably, the most important of Gunwook’s life and he wanted to win desperately.

The goal? Confess to you with a 99.99% success rate of you saying yes.

And like any other goal that he’s had, Gunwook had to make a plan. A winning strategy. And no, it wouldn’t be long or complicated or fussy. Gunwook liked his plans to be as simple as possible. Simple is best, he’d like to think.

So yes, Gunwook’s plan to confess to you consisted of 4 simple steps. Sounds pretty easy, yeah? Well unfortunately, life is not that simple as Gunwook would soon find out. And confessing to you? Well it might get a little more complicated than he thinks.

1.Start Early

This step was fairly easy. He’s got about a month till your birthday. More time would be ideal but it was still a good number of days. He needed to collect intel, your class schedule for one, he did share a few classes with you. Your likes and dislikes, another important list he needed to make, nothing would throw a wrench in his plans like accidentally doing something that would make you angry or annoyed or upset. Huh, maybe he could-

“Gunwook?”

His laptop slams shut. Gunwook sends out a prayer to the universe that he looks normal and not at all scheming about how to confess to you as he lifts his head to meet your curious stare. You fidget a little, nibbling slightly at your bottom lip.

Cute, he thinks. No Gunwook, now is not the time.

“Sorry, is it not a good time?” You hesitate and he’s scrambling to reassure you. In his head, of course. No scrambling will be witnessed by you.

“No, no, it’s all good. I wasn’t working on anything important.” Spectacular acting, great job.

“Oh! Okay, uh well your hyung was looking for you and um, I think he said you weren’t answering your phone? Something about dinner, I think. And yeah, just happened to see you there.” You laugh a little as Gunwook’s unbothered expression took a shade similar to panic.

“Oh! Oh shit- uh, I mean, I’m sorry.” Cool, Gunwook, be cool. Come on. 

“It’s really no problem.” You assure him and wow, your smile is really nice. He wants to stand there in appreciate it for a moment but-

“Um, so would you need to go?” Ah shit.

“Right! Right!” You watch as he hurriedly packs his things, stuffing them into his bag and making to leave. Then, he pauses and turns back to you.

“I’ll see you around?”

You’re not quite sure why it’s phrased like a question but-

“Yeah, see you when I see you.” 

Gunwook doesn’t see the way you watch his retreating back, wishing that maybe you could’ve-

2. Form a Reliable Team

“So let me get this straight. You want me to help you confess to Sung junior?”

“...yes hyung.”

“And you want to do it for his birthday?”

“Well, I was thinking maybe it starts a little earlier than his birthday, one gift every day leading up to it for a week?”

“Mhmm and where will you get the money to buy all these gifts?

“...maybe 3 days before?”

“Okay, sounds reasonable.”

“Soo, can you help with this?”

“Wookie.” Gunwook looks at his hyung whose expression seems to waver between encouragement and exasperation.

“You know I love you and I will always support you especially when your feelings are so sincere. And Hanbin-hyung is one of the nicest people I know. Seriously, he is. But you do know that he gets a little crazy when it comes to his younger brother?”

“More like insane.” Gyuvin chimes in and Gunwook just remembers that his hyung’s boyfriend is there too. “Seriously I’m glad that I ended up-”

“You’re glad you ended up what, huh?” Gunwook and Gyuvin collectively flinch, all too familiar with that tone.

“Nothing aein~”

“Mhmm that’s what I thought.”

“Saranghae~” Ugh, right in front of Gunwook’s dinner? Really?

“I love you more Gyuvinie~” God, Gyuvin’s got heart eyes and he’s leaning and nope-

“Gross, hyung. We’re in public.”

His hyung raised an eyebrow, looking at the empty restaurant they were in, save for another couple tucked in the back corner doing exactly what his hyung and Gyuvin would be if he wasn’t sitting with them.

“Mhmm, public, you say. Wookie, you’re a smart boy, tell me, who’s paying for your dinner?”

“...you hyung.”

“And why are we eating here?”

“Because I like the food here.”

“And why should we let hyung do what he wants?”

“Because hyung loves me very much and he’s allowed to love his boyfriend as much as he wants too.” Gunwook recites dutifully.

“Very nice, Wookie, you’re so smart, that’s exactly what I thought.”

Gunwook shoves more food into his mouth, pointedly avoiding eye contact with either of them. Gyuvin’s eyes have gotten so wide that they look like they’re about to pop out of his head. He also looks either like he’s absolutely terrified or completely in love. Maybe a bit of both.

‘Gyuvinie~”

“...Yes aein?”

“Tell me, who’s the scarier Park here?”

“...You are, aein.”

“That’s what I thought.

Maybe Gunwook should rethink the whole confessing thing. If this was what a relationship looked like, he wasn’t sure if he wanted that. You do, a traitorous voice in the back of his head whispers. 

…Yes he does.

2. Form a Reliable Team 

Have semi-supportive hyungs that make you feel single and motivate you to confess even more

3. Make Thoughtful slogans and posters Gifts

They’ve got one class where the professor likes them seated alphabetically, mostly so she can call on someone and also look them right in the eye while she does. Gunwook hates it. He didn’t come to college to feel like he was in highschool again. The only good thing about it was he knew exactly where you sat and no one would be taking your seat by mistake.

His first gift is your favourite snack. He’s seen you eating enough times to deduce that. But also, you told him one day when he asked about it. Because past him knew that future him was going to need it, definitely so. 

Your face immediately lights up when you see it. Gunwook fist pumps under his desk. He watches inconspicuously as you carefully tuck the snack into your bag and take the note he left with it (type-written because he’s not sure if you’ll recognise his handwriting but also he’s lent you notes before so he doesn’t want to take any chances).

I noticed this was your favorite~ did you know you’re my favourite too? Enjoy! Sincerely, your secret admirer

Your cheeks flush a little and Gunwook resists the very real urge to jump up from his desk and do a little happy dance. Luckily the professor comes in and stops him from doing so.

The next day, he gives you a teddy bear.

Well, more like Ricky does. After much convincing, his hyung had gotten one of his friends from the foreign student society to hand it to you. Gunwook had to make sure it was someone neither of you knew well, you know, to keep it lowkey.

Here’s something to cuddle, hope I get to cuddle with you too~ 

His hyung outright snorted when he read the note.

“God Wookie, Gyuvinie says cheesy things like that all the time but this really makes me want to-”

He stops himself. 

“Well at least I know you really like him.”

“...Did you think I didn’t?”

“Ah no, not really, you always get this really stupid look when he’s around.”

That’s rich coming from someone whose boyfriend looks equally stupid when they’re around. Not that Gunwook would say that out loud. He values his life, thank you very much.

“Also you try to act cool, it’s funny. Ah, ah, don’t look at me like that, I’m your hyung, you can’t fool me Wookie.”

Yeah he really can’t.

The day before your birthday, Gunwook prepared your birth flower for you.

He’s still thinking of a way to pass it to you without giving himself away when Sung Hanbin corners him, a manic look in his eyes.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Ahh shit.

“It is.” Because honesty is the best policy. The older boy seemed to be taken aback. What? Did he expect Gunwook to deny it?

“You want to date my little brother?”

“Yes, hyung.”

“You think you deserve to date him?”

“I think I deserve a chance to tell him how I feel and whether he accepts my feelings is entirely up to him.”

“...your hyung wasn’t lying when he said you were smart.”

Now they’re just staring at each other. Hanbin looks a little less crazy so Gunwook takes a deep breath and says.

“I just really, really like him, hyung.

Hanbin’s silent for a moment. Then, he smiles. It’s absolutely terrifying.

“Fuck it up once and I’ll make sure they never find you.”

“Yes hyungnim.”

“Right. Good. Now where’s his gift for today? I’ll make sure he gets it.”

4. Prepare a Winning speech Confession

Somehow Gunwook manages to make it out of there alive, all limbs intact. It’s a miracle. But there’s no time to waste.

It’s today.

He’s got it all planned. A note’s been delivered to you saying that your last gift is waiting for you at the famous brick wall building on campus. He’s dressed a little nicer than usual. Your gift is tucked safely in his back pocket.

Everything will go smoothly. You’ll come over. He’ll confess to you. And hopefully, Gunwook really hopes you say yes.

He’s a little nervous. What if you don’t show up? What if he messes up his confession? (Yes, he spent days putting one together, it’s harder than doing a campaign speech, the struggle is real). What if you say n-

“Are you my gift?”

Gunwook looks up. You’re smiling at him, holding onto the note he sent. This is it. This is the moment he’s been preparing for.

“Please don’t feel pressured but I just wanted you to know that I really like you and if you accept my feelings-”

“I like you too.”

Wait what?

Well, there goes his speech. He stares at you, wide-eyed, mouth slightly open.

“I thought you were really cute the day our hyungs introduced us.” You tell him, a little flustered but pleasantly flushed. “And I wanted to get close to you but I’m not really good at that and it really took me a long time to convince Hanbin-hyung to stop hovering and I was really scared that he had scared you off the other day but he didn’t and you asked me to come here and I-”

You take a deep breath and Gunwook’s never been happier than when you say-

“I just really like you, Gunwook-ah.”

In a second, he’s closing the gap between you two, hesitating slightly before taking your hands in his, holding them gently.

“Happy Birthday~”

[therosevest]

hi everyone this feels wildly self centered and silly but i made a guide to my dyke drama/lore that i talk about in barely coded but convoluted terms. i love internet safety. doing this at the request of exactly one person and for the rest of u it's under the cut if youre curious and feel so inclined hashtag close friends <3 i highlighted my previous ways of referring to these people and important notes bc otherwise i just rambled soooo bad <3 and as much as im maybe romanticizing in some ways here i do genuinely care for and love (most of) these people outside of my weirdofreak brain and try my best to do well by them in our relationships. and maybe i just wanted to write beautiful things about my friends whatever

lydia: they're on here we met on here and now we're roommates. we met bc we were two of the only bitches posting in the muna tag and she was brave enough to reply to my one naomi video. and i was like um ok... FREAK.. and then yk we were mutuals but i was always paranoid they'd somehow know film girl or my roommates (or just. other ppl) bc i was being insane so that was awk but then i had a mental breakdown a little bit one night on here about my childhood and decorating for holidays and they offered to meet on campus and give me some leaves for my window and i was like aww (and we used them this year to decorate our shared apartment :')) and i remember i was wearing my black and white sweatshirt that i wore to go see dan live that ive since given away i think but it feels like. a sign u know.. or whatever.. and we do have mutual friends in weird circles including one that connects to steve (see later notes) so it's like chances are we couldve met in person but this just made it really special. we beef bad. but with sooo much love. and i do think we're better for knowing each other or whatever...

film girl: this was bad. i have a tag dedicated to anything i remembered to tag as part of the saga but it was so bad and beyond anything words can say... i'd give her another name but she could never be anything but film girl. it's like if u were there u know. if u weren't... let's just say i was crazy insane mentally ill bonkers jeff buckley lover you shouldve come over i know it's over. maroon 5 even about it. bad. but consider she leaned into me like she did her bf for their first kiss, said our night together when we went to our friend's party where she had dressed up as jennifer check (i showed her the movie it was a whole thing) and danced with me and talked right against my neck and grabbed onto me while walking and said she was maybe bi and i deserved someone really nice and im so swaggy etc and then going back to her place and making me food and watching himym on the floor (oct. 21st u will go down in herstory...) made her the 'happiest person in the world,' stayed over at my apartment until the following morning more than once, unwrapped her bruised hand and held it out to me to see/touch (absolute freaks moment like kill me actually. and that was the day i perioded myself. to use pj of bottoms' terms.) was just generally engaging in psychosexual warfare with me all the time. and we didn't even fuck. or kiss. and she had a boyfriend. who looked like a girlfriend (not that i personally had in february of last year but regardless..) i mean come on she was a straight woman she wasnt even allowed to say slay.. i genuinely still think we need to kill each other but it doesn't matter. how is she still linked to my life? well. we had a class this semester with steve and stede and lydia and scully (prof im in love with. this name is hilar), sort of friends with cool artsy queer girl group (hometown friends, one her best friend i almost met up with at muna concert (with her) one who looks a bit like jackie kennedy. ok not really but that's the one my one friend josh (woman) made out with last semester), had a class with steve and sam last semester with dave, our shared prof that steve told details of our first date and etc to.

steve: this is gonna be ex situationship from beginning of this semester - mid october. gets this name bc they're obsessed w that pirate show so like stede but i simply wont name them that and at this point im annoyed enough w their taste in things that steve feels fitting. anyway. was genuinely very kind and sweet but also got clingy soo fast and we were on very different pages. we'd met last fall (when they had a gf) and worked together on sets and in a couple classes, they kind of got caught up in my triangulation of desire for jane at her birthday party.. and i had fun flirting! um and they were genuinely again very very considerate and sweet but like. seemed to struggle to have a personality outside of their ex and maybe their siblings a bit. idk. just very passive. sowwy. also they were not a very good kisser. i do remember back in may being vindicated bc they also commented on film girl and bf

jane: naming her jane in a gay way. a jane austen way. in that i think we should write lifelong love letters to each other. holy shit shut up. so this is always 'friend im in love with' or 'a little in love with' or whatever. she is also girl with cool short hair and piercings and tattoos and a bookbag with tits on it so god forbid my infatuation. and i just love her voice and i think she's brilliant and so good at what she does and all around just like an awesome person she inspires me to be better and whatever. and she always dresses so cool and used to host house shows (i still never made it to one) (film girl did once) and when we first started talking we were at a film event and were supposed to be networking or whatever but instead we stood by the drinks together and talked abt how we both wanted to be friends in our writing class but never said it and thought the other hated each other a little bit but we were both just awkward and so we'd always make eye contact and laugh and banter together in class and i rlly was just in love with her. and this summer was crazyyy we were on steve's set together and i was a little freak just so obviously enamored with her but the thing is she was obnoxious too so i didnt even feel like a loser. she asked me to massage her arms once and said my half assed attempt was lame and we leg wrestled (also w steve. kinda funny. like yeah u would) and exchanged drunk stories and she said i needed better ones and then i beat her at stack cup at her bday and gave her her card and she hugged me and her lips were wet from the beer she just drank from and right on my arm and i was like wow. her kingdom (surrounded by people who she loved and loved her) for a kiss upon my shoulder. if u will. and i had to have a middle school Look Away moment bc she stripped in front of a few of us that night and i was far too intoxicated to not like lose my mind. also she was supposed to give me a book on set once but never did and im still bummed. and one random night she texted asking if id found a place to live and when i answered she never followed up and i still wonder what that was abt. if anything. um but she does have a boyfriend of like 5 or 6 years. from high school. the worst part is hes a semi cool dude but it's just like really. let her fuck a woman! just once even! jk they are both genuinely cool people first and i think it's great they found each other in this life. but also like fuck off ugh. yk. not to romanticize my life and friendships i just think in another life we were soulmates or maybe in a way we are now. but we also only knew each other for a brief time so maybe something else. we could've done backstreets

sam: friend i just mentioned recently who has a crazy name we shant get into it. i do have a different actual friend named sam but i havent seen her in forever. so i met them working on steve's senior film set and thought they were cool and they were one of the only ones to make it out to our post-wrap dinner/drinks and then we had two classes together this semester. and so we became sort of allies we'd meet up to go to the museum together and send each other the attendance and i went to see fnaf when he rented out a theater for a huge group lol and he helped on my film which meant a lot even if it was only for a bit cause of you know. the everything that was going on. with steve and etc. it wasnt easy to get there so like bless their heart. they also came up with the name for my film and we had that moment around the fire and well i do hope i'll continue to see them just as a friend even, and they're genuinely just the coolest they do a lot of drag and character/costume design and are genuinely just one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i know and they always have the coolest fucking outfits and hats and shit and omg they looked so good in their doc. just something abt the posture and the whimsy and the earnestness and look overall. woah. um when we were on steve's set my friend jackie leaned over and said 'i thought they were film girl for a second' so basically i need to redacted. but it's not like that bad of a resemblance. once again has a partner cause im cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress maybe or whatever. i havent even listened to that song more than like once but maybe it is real for me. anyway they were also in the class with steve and film girl with dave.

stede: im sorry this is so funny to me bc this person and steve go by the same name irl but spelled differently or whatever. we met and had a very energetic chat in the hallway at the beginning of this semester jim thought we knew each other lol. they're real cute and endearing and like i said kind of give butch. and we had two classes together but i had so much shit going on man i just. yeah. seemed like they were maybe a little into me but whatever. and well i think we should have a fling but who said that

jim: my buddy prof he's my buddy :-) he helped me so much sophomore spring as i was trying rlly hard to produce our class films and insane already over film girl (he didnt know that but it was omnipresent) and so close to dropping out and is just the coolest guy. he's a little bit like a father figure what who said that. i remind him of his youngest daughter a lot and ive lived in the same buildings as his older one. so just funny connections. i go to his office hours and such a lot with the film friends

grace: one of my film friends. (i just realized i do know a girl in film named grace but it's not her so anyway.) i am in awe of the way she commits to stuff and motivates people around her. she is just so game for anything to make the best of a situation. shes studying abroad this semester so ive only seen her on video chats/texted and missed the one day she came back for her bf's bday. well and she was the friend who said 'no he can keep himself busy' when we went to go see x together so she didnt make me hang out w her not even lame bf at first which was so nice. cause then i eventually actually did want to meet him. and theyre the least annoying couple ive ever met. and shes bi <3

jackie: another film friend. also love her dearly another stoner so we'd smoke together before class sometimes and just went on a walk with our other friend one night around the woods and stuff that was fun. i usually refer to grace and jackie collectively as 'the film friends.' we met in that spring of sophomore year (same class as film girl and jim). this one did have steve produce her senior film after they said they wouldn't work on mine bc of the ""situation"" i was a little sour that was an awkward um situation but it's whatever. i sometimes say film friends and mean a larger group of these ppl/a few extended but whatever

frank: ive just called him frank hes frank hes the coolest dude in the world i think everyone would be obsessed with him and i just think like man hes lived such a life. he's my short cool professor whos just so good at what he does. he's met so many people and done so many things. his van is so him he has a suction cup to pull his windows up in the winter and random albums in the front seat. im gonna try to work w him next semester. i was in that van last night feeling like i was in a gta level to go pick up pizza for our final class.

scully: my film comedy and tv analysis professor she is so everything to me... she loves women and evil women and gay people and camp and horror and comedy and tv and sex and just weirdo freak shit and shes so intelligent and quick on her feet and charming and just. an amazing lecturer. she said be gay do violence once. i felt seen. she said she used to pull her friends (favorite characters) out of the tv and carry them around in her pocket and i knew she understood... she saw bottoms and emailed me and lydia right away. and she's seen willow. and ofc so many other things. and she'll go 'this seems like the type of person/film/etc that you would be inspired by..' OK QUEEN I LOVE U. i want to do cocaine with her. huh. im taking gender and film with her next semester :333 im so excited

claire: friend from high school friend group who ended up ditching me and our other friend a lot that one summer and we almost lived together and we're just always kinda weird around each other but we were some of the only ppl the other hung out with fall semester 2020 so like.

drake and josh: i almost always refer to them together they're codependent a little bit roommates and i love them dearly and i met them thru claire sophomore year but ive hung out with them alone and stayed at their place when i got too drunk and that night i fell down the stairs. me and drake act a little homoerotic sometimes for fun. i cried at dinner over film girl once to her it was embarrassing. i miss going hammocking with them <3

dave: i had him last fall he's really cool he got me on a shoot w the mayor (and steve and jane) and was so cool about me not ocming to class a lot bc i kept in touch w him and hes my homie. film girl had a class w him then too and then last semester was the like news class that crew had together. and steve told dave all abt our first date and etc and got date ideas from him and i was like oh wow... ok lol

couch: couch roommate. theyre not relevant in my life enough to make a name but the couch story was stupid as hell and this one also left ground beef in the sink that one time and had a thing for a rugby girl that steve had a little fling with

jean: if i say 'one of my masc gfs' i probably mean them. sort of friends with couch like she was in my apartment once last year but um. yeah. had a crush on them for like a month at one point and we follow each other on insta and talked when we saw each other on campus the first time and thats like it. chances r ill forget abt this fake name and still just throw that in if i ever see her

[ask-outsiders-owen]

Deja vu? sometimes. not....often.

i mean.....i know i've seen this- er......there are some things i know for a fact are repeating. stuff i expect familiarity from.

and then there's....

that feeling of.....useing a name you know you only just came up with for yourself! and it being.....so....natural? or trying to come up with ideas and faintly having to ask yourself if you had already asked or mentioned it before....when i've only spoken to you on one other occasion.

So yes. i'd say i feel it. but its not....really important is it. No- no-. I appreciate the question but were here to learn about you! i should start getting better about talking about myself less at the start of these messages. Anyway, i have a few question im curious about, just to get some bearings. Who was the most recent new person to enter the clearing? What do you plan to do when you escape? What are...3 things you can remember. Annnnnddddd what are your thoughts on Rasbi! I like to write. Like really like to write its my favorite hobby, and to write you have to understand people, consider my questions from more of a....reporter standpoint than a friend. Although don't be afraid to be emotional or share secrets lol. - Salt Voice

i swear i've never used that name before i know i haven't but why does it sound so- shit im still talking-

* Owen has exited the underwater cave with his findings, sat back on the bank to dry off

I can tell something is somewhat different for you voices, if only I could understand that more. It is odd how you all work though- do you choose a name or simply come with one? What are you exactly? Just something in my mind, or your own beings?

And you say there are things you know to be repeating- so there is a certain knowledge gap? You voices know things...?

I'm happy to hear you talk, Salt voice. There's no need to apologise.

The person that just came up was Apo. He's off with Graecie now so she can explain the finer details. If nobody else offers him a place to stay for the night and my flooring is finished, I'll probably give him a spot in my base.

I'm...

...not sure what to do when I escape. I suppose I want to stay with everyone here and protect them, but things may change if I eventually remember where I'm from and who I can return to.

I remember... fire, singeing my fingertips. Holding weapons in my grasp- many different types, but mainly... a sword? I can remember the scent of blood, and the sensation of... hunting? Chasing something, I'm not sure what.

Rasbi is nice, I want to be able to protect her. Both of us are still so clueless- I want to be able to help. I'm not sure why she and I came up together, or why she's got horns or blackened sclera.... But she's my friend. Something within says it's important to build connections in here, to be kind and friendly- and that was already my intention, so why not continue with that?

I'm not sure if I answered in the way that you wished. I'm sorry.

It's hard to speak the words I mean, but maybe if you're in my head already you can understand with a bit more success.

I couldn't catch your last bit. I'm sure you can clarify if needed, though!

[ifuckingloveryoshu]

Self Indulgent Ryoshu X Vocalist!Reader

HCS (Or How I Got Myself into A Vocal Rabbit Hole)

This is self indulgent because one day I think I'm going to try to work on a project moon oc from the streets of music who sings. Also I'm too lazy to read all of this right now but it seems like a cool research thing and I will get some ideas from this. X Im blatently picking and chosing whatever. I'm also so out of the loop and like, I'm not reading all of these fully. I am an illterate Project Moon Enjoyer. Trust and go at your own discression.

I treat this like singing would help out with the lungs but the article claims that reseach on this area are poor and few.

(also feel free to give me constructive critisim because i want to learn how to write Ryoshu)

Just three bullet points in and fuck. I was just searching about neurotoxins a few moments ago. Aughhhh. If I find out me embedding links didn't work, I will gut someone.

Wall squats. Y/N is doing wallsquats to better train their lungs and Ryoshu is supervising. May god have mercy on your soul. She does it too sometimes and you both compete who can stay there the longest. Y/N also has to sing while doing wall squat. Ryoshu is exempt but sometimes she'll do it with you.

Y/N and Ryoshu run laps around the area together.

Y/N regularly takes waterbreaks with Ryoshu and the both of you are well hydrated. Hydration is very good for the human body. X

Y/N is not stopping her nicotine reliance but singing and doing exercises like this helps offset the lung damage. X

Just for a moment, when your together working like this, she puts down the cigarettes begrudgingly.

Its annoying but she must admit, it shows results. It's also quite usefull being able to hold your breath, pretend your momentarily dead only to suprise the enemy, or go in for an ambush.

As far as Y/N knows, their walking on eggshells. Ryoshu's not going to do anything though. She's not going to tell you this, she takes amusment in Y/N's underlying feeling of never being completly safe? There has to be some sort of unspoken trust to keep you two relaxed to sing well enough and the excersising helps. Respiratory tension gets removed when you've been running laps, huffing for air.

If Y/N lets her, she has the skill to cut into cut into Y/N's chest and neck, carefully showing how the things expand and the vocal folds narrowing, seeing the airflow. Its disgusting but also very useful information. (warning, graphic videos) X X

Sinner karaoke night. Ryoshu refuses to sing with the other sin-gers. Y/N can not force her. When everyone's packing up to go to bed, she stays behind and sings to herself a gentle lullaby she used to sing to Yuzuki. She knows your there. Tell anyone and Y/N gets a B.E.L.C.A.N.T.O. (Beat Entirely, Left Concious, and Neck Totally Offuscated) wrung out from their lungs.

Y/N and Ryoshu have excellent posture. Sometimes, to improve singing, Y/N and Ryoshu get to sit on the floor together and lay down, backs on the ground and heads touching each others. This is called breathing into your back. X X X

Other workouts include sit ups, proper breathing exerices, core muscles exercies, stuff that removes tension on your upper body

Being relaxed is also very important for singer's not to sound bottled up? The only reason she can momentarily stop smoking is because the singing is a sufficient enough distraction for the moment. X X

Ryoshu has a deep voice because of the cigs. She can still sing well though. X X

If Ryoshu's somehow gets a high or so into music herself, this is a possible thing that can happen. Y/N's job now is to try and make sure she takes breaks or chills out somehow because through this, she's still smoking her cigarettes. X

Sinclair is just with Y/N and Ryoshu sometimes because Ryoshu bullies him into it. The moment the other sinners got curious, she stopped. Indecisive if she stopped for good or stopped roping Sinclair in with Y/N. She just loses interest when other people start catching on. Sorry.

After that, she brings Y/N to her room sometime and you two only do the working out part together. Singing part is done on Y/N own time.

Put this somewhere idk (images of inside the vocal fold)

[cosmicswritings]

im gonna ramble about a lost light megatron/starscream au for a story i plan to write. sorry for errors i am tired!

I think that in an AU or whatever Starscream would actually be very curious in this "new" Megatron on the Lost Light, and would actually believe that he's changed. Prior to this, Starscream had only known Megatron to be violent, powe rhungry and abusive and that is not the Megatron starscream fell for. The one he fell for however, is the one that has changed, that is peaceful and that has found a different life among the Lost Light crew. So he wants to meet him and see him aboard the Lost Light, just to see if he's feelings are true. And he's not afraid of Megatron, he's eager to see him.

On the other hand, megatron is happier now, he's living a better and happier life. He has friends and family and he's left the Decepticons and their ideologies behind. Most important he's left harmful people to him in his life. When he finds out that Starscream has requested to see him, he reacts badly. When Starscream comes to visit him, their meeting is very hostile and Megatron wants nothing to do with him. There are a lot of 'you aren't going to ruin the happy life i've made for myself'! and that just turns out badly when starscream meets him again. Of course, a plethora of emotions arises between the two of them and starscream who is attempting to be a better person, lashes out and he's immediately reprimanded by the crew.

Unfortunately for both of them, Starscream is stuck on the lost light due to a prior injury and no transport is available to pick him up in that moment. So at first life is not easy for Starscream on the Lost Light because everyone kind of hates him, and being Leader of Cybertron is not helping him. Surprisingly, the only person who likes being around him is Tailgate because he knows how insecurities and loneliness feel, even if Starscream denies he feels this way. Starscream is trying not to be bitter- again he is dedicated to being a better person but for the first few days Megatron refuses to speak to him until the two of them get stuck in a room or something together but their convos are frigid.

The tide changes when the Lost Light goes through a bad meteorstorm or something like that (or they are attacked), and Starscream insitvely jumps in front of Megatron and takes a blow for him, and almost dies. Ratchet is able to fix him but he's in a slight coma. Starscream's biggest fear as he is in limbo basically is that no one will miss him if he dies, and that everyone will be happy, especially Megatron.

Luckily, Starscream wakes up and to his surprise, Megatron is waiting in medbay with him as he recovers. That's the first person Starscream sees and he is so confused, but he discovers that Megatron has been waiting there for him for days. They talk when Starscream is feeling a bit better, and Megatron explains that he initially distrusted Starscream which is why he was angry. Megatron goes further to admit that he feels extremely guilty for how he treated/abused Starscream when he was leader of the decepticons. Megatron himself has committed to a life of peace and is really trying his best to uphold those ideologies.

Seeing someone that he treated so violently from his past, someone who was loyal to him, made him remember just how awful he was and he was terrified of ever becoming that person. However, he was also guilty because he never apologized to Starscream. So they apologize to each other, and to Megatron's surprise, Starscream has already forgiven him. He knows that the megatron sitting in front of him is not the same one from the war, and while he never forgets what he did to him, Starscream forgives him and genuinely wants them to be friends.

He is just as eager to meet this new Megatron as everyone else is. So Starscream wants to actually have a real relationship. Megatron apologizes for unintentionally getting the crew to act so coldly toward him and he thanks Tailgate for being Starscream's only friend. Starscream recovers for a bit of time on the Lost Light and he gets a lot better and he and Megatron get closer and closer to the point where, given they are so affectionate people assume they are together (and they're correct). Megatron thinks their relationship will end when Starscream goes back to Iacon but it doesn't, and they are even stronger. And both come to visit one another quite often.

[ultimatefartwizard]

Agonies of a Late Homestuck Reader Pt.3

Wiz is here for the hell that is this work, and now we start off with Act 2, we begin with a mysterious vagabond wandering a desert. He like... finds this underground bunker type thing with a lid that has the same symbol as the cruxtruder? Quite interesting!

Jumping back to John, since he seems to now be in like floating purgatory type situation yet alive and well.... as well as a just now 13 year old boy can be after just nearly dying from a meteor hurdling towards him and his father's house.

Am I insane and used RPGmaker XP too much? Or does the wind sound in it sound like one of the wind effects RPGmaker XP use (specifically using it as an example as I've never used other rpgmaker programs)

I downloaded Ruffle (a in-browser flash player replacement) to circumnavigate the "flash player no longer supported" issue since I wanted a true genuine experience as it was intended, and thankfully it works! For those wanting Ruffle, you can find it -HERE-

I played the segment with John looking around his house, and was amused by this sort of omnipotent narrator type character (soon revealed to be the vagabond, having gone down into the bunker and is using a computer to communicate) that would order commands at him and just call him "BOY."

Various Vagabond antics; makes me think of how Kratos calls his son "boy" continually in Ragnarok.

As I further mucked about, John's father seems to be missing and some sort of oil substance is everywhere. I originally thought his father got whole ass slaughtered and had him bleed out like a pig, thankfully not... maybe? I haven't read far enough yet.

I immediately thought of John Kramer talking through Billy the puppet when I read this clicking on the cabinet. And considering the species of "Cherub" in Homestuck is based on the puppet, I wouldn't put it past Hussie to make a (slightly butchered) reference.

John talks to Dave, and.... well I won't show the image of the exact things he says when he starts rapping cuz 1. I can't put a clickable censor on images and 2. not comfortable posting that but OH MY GOD. HUSSIE... HUSSIE! NO STOP HUSSIE DONT WRITE THAT YOU ARE WHITE OH MY GODDD.... DON'T MAKE THAT CHILD SAY SUCH THINGS AND MAKE MORE WEIRD AND BORDERLINE RACIST COMMENTS.... Why are you obsessed. Why are you especially obsessed with black presidents and, in conjunction, Obama??? Do you have some sort of weird crush on this man because you think about him too much. (joking around with myself to save my sanity, im dying here, also note i feel these negative ramblings are important especially when looking at this piece of media in a critical light)

Please I pray the comments like this calm down... though knowing the later stuff ik Hussie doesn't stop being weird or finds new ways to be gross and weird. I also made the mistake of reading the "sweet bro and hella jeff" comic Hussie linked on Dave's segment and my god this explains the later incident with..... a certain Homestuck 2 character. DO NOT READ THAT FOR YOUR SANITY BTW.

Back onto the story itself, watching Dave manage his sylladex and how his captchalogues/uncaptchalogues stuff makes me realize how stupidly complex his is, and it's the most complex thus far. I still don't understand it but that's for another time for rambles. Also rather curious out of the three revealed human children so far he's the only one who's not apprehensive to his family member's collection of themed stuff; in this case, it's his brother's puppet collection. I swear to god there's got to be some sort of underlying reason for these, there's no way that these are all presented to the reader and somehow don't have any strong significance or meaning.

It cuts over to Rose again, who's trying to get out to the generator in the rain so she can boot up her computer to pair up with John again and escape certain doom due to a meteor shower hitting the forest she lives in and is engulfed in flames. She seems to have a lot of contempt for her mother, not sure if it's the same back towards her but they are noted to have some sort of one-uping competitions. Both John and Rose seem to compete with their parents while Dave nods and seeminly respects his brother's stuff, which is interesting and definitely will try to investigate this phenomenon as I read.

I leave off on page 374, certainly to return later for more reading! -Wiz

[celestie0]

ellie did you hear about the solar storm thing thats been going around?

my friend gave me a detailed explanation abt what it is whats going to happen n all n honestly i am TERRIFIED.

like it genuinely seems so real that i cant even convince myself that this is another one of those silly things that go around each year

the fact that research for this solar storm has been going on since 2019 is ???? scary ????

makes it seem more believable tbh bc if it was not real it wouldn't have been going on for so long

IM SO SCARED 😭 genuinely cried when my friend was telling me ab this and she also said thwt we'll get to know ab when the solar storm is going to hit about 30 minutes before AND NOW IM PARANOID BC IT CAN HIT ANY MOMENT NOOOOO

and to top this off my mother told me that not many ppl will survive till 2027 i have no idea where she got that from but she scared me even more

this is so bad.

hii my love yess ive heard of the solar storm, i know that solar flares in general have been talked about a lot for a while now but i didn’t know that there was recent news about it!

i’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety regarding it :””( yeahh ive heard that solar flares are near impossible to predict in advance for a lot of reasons, so that can definitely heighten the fear

hm idk if it makes you feel better but i remember nasa n other news outlets were talking about solar storms the exact same way about a year ago (i just remember telling my dad ab it cuz he works in aerospace n figured his company might’ve been discussing it) but nothing happened at all within the six month period that the news had been freaking out about LOL. i panicked a lot then too n my dad said it was just fear mongering lmfaoo 💀 (he’s kind of a cynic though haha) but yea i just bring this up because it’s not the first time this sort of news has been sensationalized

following any sort of space stuff can be scary for sure n it’s super easy to get lost in article rabbit holes that can really disrupt your quality of life in the present :( but i think there have been multiple instances of space phenomena that have been hyped up in media (even by a lot of reputable news outlets) that have not really affected daily life as much as it was thought to (like the never ending cycle of news about new asteroids, the whole aliens thing, etc)

i think it’s important to remember that the scientists that are actually behind the research are completely different entities than the people writing up articles about it online, so you always have to take the news with a grain of salt or maybe try to look into accounts from the actual researchers behind the findings (who, more often than not i’ve found, don’t even panic about their own research to the level of extent a lot of media ppl do online haha)

i’m not saying i don’t believe in the possibility of a solar storm or anything like that lol i just think there’s a lot of tendency in news these days to scare tf outta people for no reason

also correct me if im wrong but the largest danger of a solar storm would be disruption of radio & internet frequencies right? i thought they werent actually powerful enough to cause any sort of biological radiation harm ;0 loss of internet access would definitely be a weird thing to see and could put stress on more developed countries, but a lot of the world doesnt even have internet access to begin with so i’m not sure how much it will actually affect livelihood (i’m aware that it’d affect a LOT of things for sure, but i’m talking ab dangers like life or death situations, n i just cant imagine that being the case? but if you’ve looked into that more than i have n have more to share then lemme know i’m really curious)

sorry, im just bringing this all up in hopes it helps w your fears, n not to invalidate them! bc i totally get it, it’s scary stuff esp when it’s stuff you feel like you have no control over. but there’s a lot of things in life we have no control over, i think it’s best to just focus on what we can control n just try to enjoy today :)

thank u for ask bb <3

[likegemstone]

tempo

I am realizing that, for me, when making art of any kind though specifically for me it's mainly writing and drawing, tempo is key

You know those days when you sit down to write and the words beg aching, painful effort to come out and when they do they're all warped and stuck together at odd angles, so reading them back nearly gives you a headache?

And those days when you pick up a pen or brush and instead of making a scene, a figure, a Piece that is more than the sum of its parts, you are only making marks. Disjointed, stiff strokes that are completely separate from each other, but WHY IM DOING THE SAME THING I ALWAYS DO, WHY HANDS NO WORK???

For me I can even switch in and out of the awkward, bumbling creative stage several times in any one session. And I feel like I'm doing the same thing the entire time, so why sometimes the hands work, the words come, and sometimes it's like I've suddenly regressed years in my creative abilities?

tempo.

this is just what I call it because I once watched a Sinix video (art youtuber/streamer, makes incredible art and super helpful videos) and that's what he called it. It's been a year or so since I watched it I think, so I don't remember exactly how he defined it, but what I mean when I say tempo is when your body, brain, and soul are working in tandem. Your soul feels a Thing and your brain turns it into an Idea and your body makes it into Art.

In that Sinix video, he talks about some art exercises to get you back on tempo and it's great advice, really valuable info and I feel like kinda the heart of the exercises can be translated into writing/other art exercises as well with a bit of thought.

I might talk about that more if anyone is curious but rn I just wanted to mention how one thing that is super important for me in once again finding my tempo when I'm all out of sync is: being kind to myself when I'm in that place.

It's totally natural, understandable, valid to be frustrated when the Thing Isn't Working and There's No Clear Reason Why, and me personally, my first instinct is to beat myself up. To spiral. To quit. I've done it before, why can't I do it again?

But when I take a step back and look at the full picture, I notice this is just a thing that happens. It's part of being a creative. The tempo comes and goes, so while it might be gone now, I know that it will come back.

Not only that, but I have some of my own little practices that I have found help me get things back in sync, so now I have a list of things to try! Tools to use. Instead of sitting there trying to force the tempo back and beating myself up when I can't, I switch focus onto something proactive--using one of my tools.

And on top even of that, I have learned to pay enough attention to my process, my tempo, what helps and what doesn't, that now I can recognize little things I do that tend to get me *off* tempo, so I can check and make sure I am not doing any of those things, then try again~

[dedbuny]

hi :) im bunny and im a chronic maladaptive daydreamer :)

ive been doing it for about eight years now and im curious to see how many others do it too !

my (only moderately depressing) maladaptive daydreaming story/timeline is below the cut, if that interests u at all :) id love to hear urs as well in the notes !

my first memory of maladaptive daydreaming (aside from playing house and stuff as a kid) was in 2014 when i was in sixth grade. my friend and i would pretend to be certain characters throughout the whole school day, even writing the characters’ names on our schoolwork and calling each other by those names. the most common characters were always sam and dean, which is .. something . sometimes it was the 5sos members. then as the years went by the chosen characters changed depending on my hyperfixation at the time.

in grade eight i had moved on to kpop. this is the worst it gets i promise. mostly the same continued, except this year i realized something revolutionary: i could include myself in the daydream ! so i started pretending i was whatever kpop idol i was interested in on any given day’s friend, every day, for the next five to six years. this is where it became an addiction i guess.

grade nine was more of the same but with some drag race girls sprinkled in. grade ten was more of the same but with some video game characters sprinkled in. as those five to six years went by i continued daydreaming about myself and any chosen person or character i liked, except i realized one other extremely important thing: i could also just make up my own characters…..

so i did . technically the first original character i ever made was in eighth grade, named jacob. as much as i’m now trying to slowly distance myself from the maladaptive daydreaming and all the characters that were born from it, jacob really feels like my friend. they’ve evolved with me every step of the way — they’ve gone through a whole appearance change, their personality has changed, their gender and pronouns have changed, their world views have changed, all alongside my own, so it really does feel like i’ve found a lifelong friend who just gets me. and upon realizing that i’m purposefully creating my own blorbos from my mind to perfectly match my needs and wants and behave exactly like i want them to, i started feeling extremely self conscious about it all.

over the last five to six years i’ve created roughly 23 different characters, all with intertwining relationships and backstories and personalities and interests and styles. it’s been really fun actually, to be able to essentially create an entirely made-up friend group and make up their relationships with each other and watch them all grow. the issue lies in the fact that i’m spending more time imagining i’m them and/or imagining i’m with them than i am actually being in reality.

because all these characters behave in the exact ways i want them to and understand me perfectly inside and out, i’ve become much more easy to irritate. i find myself having a much shorter temper with my friends and family. my ocs know what i’m thinking and always have the perfect answer, because they are me. they know what makes me uncomfortable and avoid doing so, because they are me. they never question anything i say or challenge any of my beliefs, because they are me. in other words , uh oh .

this has all made me extremely paranoid, extremely insecure, extremely anxious and extremely depressed. it’s gotten to the point where i don’t really know who i am anymore, because i don’t really feel like i’m the one who has evolved or grown over the years. i feel like a side character to all the ocs i’ve made who are living my life for me. it feels like all my decisions are made by whoever it is i’m daydreaming as in that moment. i’ve had multiple breakdowns due to remembering that none of this world i’ve built in my head is real, and none of it ever will be. but it all feels unbelievably real. and i feel like if i ever stop i’ll be punched in the face with the consequences of letting what is essentially my imaginary friends control my life for six years.

i’ve thought it might be either evolving into or had initially stemmed from schizophrenia or ocd or did or something similar but i don’t even know anymore. right now it just seems like a combination of having autism, depression, severe anxiety, an extremely vivid imagination, and being chronically lonely.

i truly feel like i’m suffering alone here. i know there are other people who maladaptive daydream but i’ve never heard of anyone who does it like me. if anyone reading this understands what im going through i’d love to hear from you !!!!!

if u got this far into reading, thank u for hearing me out :)

love, bunny (...and jay and marcus and darius and veronica and luca and hiroki and minki and advik and hannah and hanna and nayeon and shauna and joslyn and thomas and christian and jack and claire and marion and peter and frances and oskar and felix and frederick and svante and shaelynn and heather and more)

[thefinalwitness]

i slept all day and im still severely hurty but i think. we're getting there. o|–< im including a readmore to catch up new ppl who are curious bc ive found being open about my chronic pain has helped inform others to their own so!!!! i like sharing

i've had a gradually worsening chronic illness since 2019-2020—it's hard to say for sure when it started, but my physically demanding job at a retail store slowly went from perfectly doable to 'i cant even survive a four hour shift without multiple episodes of hiding in the bathroom just to let some of the pain subside'.

i ultimately had to quit that job in early 2021, and at the time had a writing job that i thought, surely this will be okay! i was wrong. it was so hard to work as consistently as was needed of me. i spent so much time just writing and then sleeping so i might recover fast enough to do more writing. i was ALWAYS late on deadlines no matter how hard i tried.

eventually that job closed down in general, so naturally i lost it, but i know in my heart i would have had to quit within 6 months otherwise. that was late 2021. i've been unemployed since, with no disability because despite ongoing, regular visits with doctors, we dont know WHATS wrong with me, therefore i do not have a diagnosis, therefore i cannot qualify for disability in my area. yippee!

so that's the backstory! i started pain meds last fall and theyve helped A LOT. i can have fun sometimes! i went to pride this year for the first time since 2019!! there's definitely still something wrong, and lately i do believe it's still worsening (at a slower rate than before i was getting treatment at all), but i've gotten through a lot of the guilt for being 'an unemployed, unproductive human being' and have learned how to be kinder and patient with myself. it's not my fault i'm sick. it's not my fault 'my best' doesn't look like other people's. my family loves me not for what i can do for them, but because they just love me.

it's hard to feel your ability to Do Things slip away. how i cant go to amusement parks anymore bc the trip would wipe my ass out for weeks. how i cant even go to a barbecue next door some days bc everything just hurts too much. the simultaneous RESILIENCE you build, the tolerance for your own pain that makes you second-guess if it's even real. it took me so long to realize what i was feeling was NOT normal, that most people don't have to RATION their activities, their chores, their BASIC HUMAN MAINTENANCE to make sure you don't screw yourself over for tomorrow by being in too much pain to move.

today was bad. i had a really stressful day yesterday, and woke up in so much pain it was literally all i could do to sleep. couldn't eat, couldn't go to the bathroom, couldn't sit up, could BARELY speak. it was like my body was screaming at me, "we should be in a COMA right now, we should be UNCONSCIOUS, this is not something humans were designed to consciously endure." and that's WITH 6+ months medical pain management. it genuinely scares me imagining what this would've felt like today if i WASN'T on my meds.

i'm still very in the woods, but i'm trying to make the most of my situation! i'm open to questions if you want to learn more about this, as one of the biggest things that made me realize i needed help was OTHER PEOPLE being open about their chronic condition. it's not pretty, by any means, i've left out the grossest realities here, but i think it's important to share, in case i can do for someone what those people did for me.

thanks for reading!!!! i appreciate being heard on this too. it's scary, i still worry people will think i'm lazy or a crybaby, so it means a lot when people take the time to try and understand.

<3

[taegularities]

okay HELLO AGAIN MY LOVE!!!

i read the jk pov in one sitting and omg... my poor heart 😳

it was so incredibly moving! you write pure art and im always in awe with each new piece you drop ❤️ i felt like seeing his perspective definitely eased some of the anger i had towards him (i always knew he was just misunderstood yall ‼️) i am 100% upset at oc for MISSING HIS BDAY AND ART SHOW! I ACTUALLY AUDIBLY GASPED AFTER READING THAT PART 🫡

im rlly glad you showed his and taes interactions, having a support system (even when you dont want it) is so important and im glad he put his ego aside and vented (if only he could do that to oc smh) im still upset at his whole savior complex tho, like bitch i promise ur only HURTING MORE PPL BY DOING THIS ‼️🤨

im super curious as to how this is going to play out in the next chapter honestly. is oc going to completely avoid jk at all costs? will he keep trying to talk to her?? i hope he's a fighter, but at the same time i want him to SUFFER 🤭 i rlly just want him to get so tired of chasing that he snaps and spills his guts to her (do i hear an "i lo*e you" being said 🤭) but maybe im just missing the enemies to lovers trope too much 💀

either way, I CANT WAIT FOR THE UPCOMING CHAPTERS! but please take your time! i know uni can be stressful (and your job is starting soon as well) so don't forget to relax! ❤️ we want you HEALTHY!

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️

OKAY HELLO, I'M HERE NOW !!! reading it in one sitting is quite something babe, considering the wc and the heaviness of its content.. means so much to me 😭

yes. YES. it was supposed to ease the anger !! i was so sad when everyone was mad at him, like ugh, we just need to understand him a little, you know :((( man is just trying to navigate through his feelings, but doesn't know how. upset at oc? let's see if it changes after cmi8 🤣

mmmh, the saviour complex is fucking me up, too, but... it really helped to put down those conversations he had with tae, eun and his mom. idk, i love those little moments with their friends, and i truly hope everyone else adores them just as much as i do <3

very good questions you ask, wifey, very good indeed. there's so much planned for cmi8 that i might have to split it, but god i can't wait for the emotions. AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN AN "I L*VE YOU" 💀 outrageous !!!! but we shall see eeheheh

i'll definitely take care of myself as much as i can, and i really hope you do as well, babe. so good to hear from you again <333

[jokeringcutio]

2, 3, 12, 12, 30 from the ask game? ^^ im a curious person asdkfljsdfk

[ Answering to this game ]

Thank you so much for asking :) ♡

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits? Top five are: Reader-Insert (9) Angst (8) Older Man/Younger Woman (8) Age Difference (7) Dubious Consent (6) And well, they do on this account :') . Not quite what I wrote in the past. I have gone from humor and romance to disturbing dark romance fics, I suppose? Though the older man/younger woman age thing has always been my kink, I mean, even in real life.

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Polite/kind Reader. I know this isn't in any tags, but my standard/basic Reader is quite polite. Doesn't curse as much as I see readers do in other fics, doesn't fight as much as I read in most fics. Might react atypically to what you might expect in certain situations - which is excellent when writing villain/bad guy fics because they will expect the obvious and need to re-adjust their reaction when the reader surprises them. It could just be why the Reader is kept alive and survives. My basic go-to Reader is usually inspired by the thought "now what would I do when I was caught in this situation?" Though, when I am writing for a friend, I will make the character react more like they would. Which is even more fun than imagining myself in such a situation. "I am a worrier, not a warrior." (JokeringCutio ) - and yes, you can quote that with my name attached to it - I worry. A lot. And I try to solve things without fighting but by talking or finding solutions. Unless otherwise requested, I try to come up with reactions for the reader by placing myself in their situation. My basic Reader won't fight as much on instinct, I can't even slap someone if they ask me to (Yes, that has happened). But apart from the reader's depiction, you can find details in fics that derive from this as well. When I imagine myself in situations, important questions arise: where are the toilets? Is there anything I can use when I get my period? But who will feed the hamster? If there's a window, how can it be that no sound escapes the room? Expect things like bathing, using the toilet, menstruation, getting dirty, getting hurt and fearing infection. They are basic human things that I worry about and that I have noticed are quite often glossed over in movies and stories, but that make it all the more grizzly to read. Other details: Look for: A feasible ending. I like my stories to have a happy end, unless otherwise requested. But because I try and imagine how it would be if I were really caught in that situation, that ending might not be "they married and lived happily ever after". I mean, with a villain, murderer, slasher, or mentally ill person, happily ever after might just end a different way. Look for: Girls are better friends. Most of my recent fics have had a female reader involved with a male villain. But if you look closely you will see I often can't help a lesbian crush or relationship added to the mix, even if not open or explicit. 12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you? Reader-Insert. Used to hate them. Now I want nothing more but to write and read them. Hear me out, I like to perfect my reader-insert skills and try to avoid all that irritated me in the past. So I try to avoid mentioning specific things like the length of hair, body shape, skin tone, and background information that could trigger or put a reader off. And yes, in some cases you can get away with it, no problem. It's looking to find that balance. I failed with my multi-chapter Grabber fic. I wanted to avoid mentioning hair on the reader for a specific reader I have seen lurking around the fandom but it slipped in a few times anyway. If you are that reader and read this, please feel free to request a hairless reader fic/hair not mentioned fic. I would love to make it up to you ♡ 30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Yes. The first smut I wrote was (as a virgin at the time and totally not into the kinks requested) very much out of my comfort zone. But I had to look up a lot and learned a lot new terms. Ahum... I like to challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone so, we'll see what the future brings :)