#but now it’s like requiring effort gross

[electric-plants]

ooh boy started penacony in star rail and the way i already KNOW i’m going to get confused

[astonmartinii]

match my freak | yuki tsunoda social media au

pairing: yuki tsunoda x fem rugby player reader

there's only one person who can match the yuki tsunoda radio freak...

MAIN MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

.・゜゜・ part of the aston martini summer olympics ・゜゜・．

yukitsunoda0511

liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo and 384,098 others

tagged: yourusername

yukitsunoda0511: spa was fine i guess, time to spend my summer break in france (ew) supporting the love of my life (yay)

view all comments

user1: 'fine i guess' as if we didn't get YOINTS

user2: tbf if my gf looked like that, points also wouldn't matter to me

pierregasly: FRANCE (EW)??? DID OUR HOMOEROTIC TENSION MEAN NOTHING???

yukitsunoda0511: oh so when i diss france we had homoerotic tension but when i said we were boyfriends i went too far 🤨

pierregasly: diss me all you want but not the homeland?

yukitsunoda0511: fine, i will from 5pm tomorrow

pierregasly: ???

yukitsunoda0511: because y/n will be there and therefore it will be the ONLY country in existence

pierregasly: i give up

user3: i need a man this down bad for me asap

user4: maybe it's time to lower my height requirements :(

yourusername: it's not how tall you are but how you are tall

user5: idk what the fuck that means

yourusername: IT MEANS SHORT KINGS PUT IN A LOT OF EFFORT WHY DO I HAVE TO SPELL OUT EVERYTHING? WHERE IS THE MEDIA LITERACY? THE READ COMPREHENSION?

user6: okay i think i now know ^^ why y/n and yuki are so good together

user7: i need someone to edit together their most iconic on field and radio moments together please for my mental health

yourusername: that's a crazy coincidence because the love of MY life will also be in paris 🤨

yukitsunoda0511: well i bet i love my love of my life more than you love your love of your life

yourusername: NUH UH

yukitsunoda0511: yep :PPPPPPP

yourusername: u wanna fight?

yukitsunoda0511: yes actually!

yourusername: well soz babe i can't get all hot and bothered before competing 🤷‍♀️

yukitsunoda0511: BORING

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, pierregasly and 318,905 others

tagged: yukitsunoda

yourusername: seeing yuki again: 10/10 ... realising he's not allowed in the olympic village and there's only cardboard beds anyway -100,000/10

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user12: so i suddenly understand why they give out so many condoms at the olympics

user13: why do they all go so feral?

yourusername: have you seen my man?

yourusername: AND THAT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION TO SHOW OFF MY HANDSOME LITTLE MAN NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU BITCHES TO THIRST

user14: noted 😔

pierregasly: i'm the one with a bad digital footprint but you're out here being just as horny as me on main

yourusername: i am allowed to ?

pierregasly: and i'm not allowed to?

yourusername: no

pierregasly: so fuck me i guess?

yourusername: let me be a woman in a male dominated field (being gross online)

yukitsunoda0511: yeah pierre stop trying to minimise womens' voices

pierregasly: how am i the bad guy again?

yourusername: man ❤️

pierregasly: yuki is a man?

yourusername: he's MY man which means he's been closely vetted and is basically one of the girls now

user14: i know visa cashapp rb or whatever the fuck they're called hate to see them coming

user15: it's the fact she's taller than most of the mechanics and she is always watching over them

yukitsunoda0511: i missed you so much but i can't wait to watch you beat the shit out of the competition

yourusername: for you, anything

yukitsunoda0511: a gold? so at least one of us can be world champion 🥺

yourusername: i'll win gold for you and then schedule in a friendly visit to see helmut

yukitsunoda0511: i think your mere presence could give him a heart attack

yourusername: oh well

user16: so real of her

olympics

liked by yukitsunoda0511, landonorris and 1,209,678 others

tagged: newzealandrubgy

olympics: the women's rugby final saw gold go home to new zealand!

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user17: okay yuki i am SEEING THE VISION

user18: i watched this game to see her and i am a changed woman

user19: i am no better than a man

danielricciardo: my personal favourite moment was when y/n clotheslined that poor girl, laughed in her face and said if she tried to get past her again she'd make trinket dishes out of her knee caps

yourusername: why thank you, i think my wit is my least appreciated part of my game

danielricciardo: i think we should honestly get you in the commentary box

yourusername: i'd make mince meat of crofty, he'd never say anything about yuki's radios again

danielricciardo: can you tell them to stop telling me to retire while you're at it?

yourusername: sure, i'm feeling generous

danielricciardo: a gold medal will do that to you

user20: so they weren't joking when they said that her and yuki are just the same person in different fonts ?

user21: my commentary team apologised about 20 times for her swearing on the broadcast but then they kept bursting out laughing whenever she said anything

yukitsunoda0511: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

yukitsunoda0511: GOAT GOAT GOAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS THE GOAT

yukitsunoda0511: i'm so proud, i love you y/n 🫶🏻🥹❤️‍🩹

yourusername: i love you too boo

yukitsunoda0511: can they let me in the room now? i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(

yourusername: of course, i can't celebrate properly without you

yukitsunoda0511: 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

user22: picturing yuki waiting outside the team room is so cute

user23: the nz team instagram posted a pic of it on their story he had flowers and balloons (∩˃o˂∩)♡

yukitsunoda0511

liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 893,401 others

tagged: yourusername

yukitsunoda0511: she matches my freak :)

view all comments

user25: oh believe me we know

user26: i'm like a confusing mix of scared AND turned on

yukitsunoda0511: you keep that to yourself

user27: okay sir 🤨

yukitsunoda0511: you can look but you can't touch :P

yukitsunoda0511: actually don't even look

yukitsunoda0511: don't even think about her ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡)

user28: this man is insane, i love him

yourusername: you LIKE HIM YOU APPRECIATE HIM FROM AFAR YOU MAYBE HAVE A PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP YOU DON'T LOVE HIM THAT'S FOR ME AND ME ONLY

user29: oh they weren't joking about matching each other's freaks

yourusername: there's no one else i'd like to be a lil gremlin with :3

yukitsunoda0511: gremlins forever with you <3

yourusername: sounds like paradise to me !!

yukitsunoda0511: i'm on it ✍🏻

user30: is he going to propose ???

user31: hopefully (ㅅ •᷄ ₃•᷅ )

pierregasly: yeah i guess you guys are kinda cute

yukitsunoda0511: kINDA?

yourusername: i know this man ain't speaking on us

yourusername: kika is the face economy in that relationship

yourusername: her back must hurt from carrying the style in this couple

francisca.cgomez: well 🥹

pierregasly: WHAT ? HOW ?

yukitsunoda0511: don't call my girlfriend kinda cute then 🤨

user32: good lord

fin.

note: she's back !!!!!

[clonerightsagenda]

May I ask what the 'no sex in space' rant is? Zero G sounds like fun :<

The space sex rant is my passion. Possibly because I have no emotional investment in the act so when it gets broken down into weird biology and mechanics by the cruel forces of physics, I find it kind of fascinating.

Sticking this below the cut because it will get long. My primary source is Packing for Mars by Mary Roach, but A City on Mars gets into the same issues. Yes, at least two books have entire chapters devoted to the space sex problem.

Note that this is all assuming microgravity. Many of the problems go away if you have artificial gravity, which we haven't cracked yet beyond building centrifuges. Your Star Trek fanfics are safe. So without further ado, and in no particular order, reasons why you probably shouldn't have sex in zero gravity and it probably wouldn't be that fun if you did:

The infamous 'no boners in space'. Since we're evolved to live in gravity, our bodies compensate for it by putting more effort into getting fluids above our heart. In microgravity, that's unnecessary, so you end up with fluid shift - more fluids, including blood, in the upper body. Your total blood volume also goes down. This would make an erection more difficult, and in fact most astronauts interviewed for whom this would be relevant claimed they didn't get any. The outlier here is Mike Mullane, but having read his memoir, he is the kind of guy who would lie about that. Now, as I touched on while despairingly liveblogging Barrayar, that does not prevent you from having a good time. However less blood flow would presumably mean less sensation in general for anyone below the belt. Or if you stimulated too much blood flow, with the lower total blood volume, perhaps that 'got dizzy because I got horny' joke will actually come true.

In microgravity, body heat and CO2 don't disperse the same way they do in regular atmosphere. Astronauts have to make sure they sleep in well-ventilated areas and are also trained on symptoms of CO2 poisoning. If multiple people are in an area exerting themselves, that buildup will happen faster and would need to be taken into account. It would be super embarrassing to suffocate crammed into a closet for some hanky panky.

The laws of motion are not your friend here. I've seen videos of astronauts pushing themselves across the room with a strand of hair. If you're trying to hold onto someone, you'd either want a relatively small space (maybe not a great idea, see point 2) or hold on really well. One astronaut Mary Roach interviewed suggested duct tape. Perhaps fuzzy handcuffs are critical here. Still you're going to need to put a lot of thought into every move you make.

Space is gross. :( Right now astronauts just wipe themselves down with clothes and dry shampoo. "Skin flakes" is a serious problem. Also we're still not entirely sure why, but astronauts develop awful body odor. According to Mary Roach again, while armpits are famous as a BO source, apparently the crotch is as well, it's just that those regions are typically further from our nose. So idk if anyone's going to want to get that close and personal with anyone else while they're up there. Then again I'm sure people have hooked up in grosser situations.

I'm probably forgetting some tidbits since I just woke up, but in summary, zero gravity sex would need to be carefully choreographed, require some equipment (fan, fasteners), and probably wouldn't even be as enjoyable as its Earthnorm counterpart. It's a good thing that's not what anyone's up there for.

[dangermousie]

Male Lead-off: Xie Xingchen (The Blossoming Love) v Wu Geng (Burning Flames)

Ah yes, one of my favorite types of posts - pitting two hot tortured men against each other.

But, you may ask, why Burning Flames v TBL. Because despite the vast difference in tone, plot and perhaps genre, both the narratives possess a hero who is a royal in the oppressed human race who rebels against unjust gods and gets punished for that, who also has a sliver of himself running around separately and who also has a ride or die girlfriend who is a human version precious substance (crystal v pearl.)

So, let's go!

Enter competitor 1:

And competitor 2:

So, categories:

Daddy:

That's easy. XXC's dad was a pet bunny killer who looked like a prune with a beard, and WG's Dad was basically Spartacus who was hawt enough to nab a celestial wife and looked like this:

Winner: Burning Flames

Girlfriend:

Both of these ladies are ride or die who never waver, both can change the fate of the world, both don't care if ML is aspect, full being of prophecy, royal, not royal, whatever. But only one of these ladies literally stormed heaven for her man. Plus, I am sorry, the BF otp is cute but rather vanilla while between the drama and the novel scenes, we all know XXC and MXL sex life is so hot than it probably creates a fire hazard.

In general, TBL is a romance while BF is about other stuff, so the OTP in general is much more delicious.

Winner: The Blossoming Love

Gang of Friends:

XXC has his frenemy NXY, the Jade Himbo (tm @fake-married-my-dead-fiance), and Miss Gao, plus a bunch of disciples. That's all well and good, but Wu Geng has a lady who rides a unicorn, a hot uncle, an ambiguously evil prince, a cursed city lord (who was a deity hideously punished by other deities for falling in love) and this gentleman:

Also known as Mousie's favorite character in that drama, BDSM Demon Elf Nitian Erxing. I rest my case.

Winner: Burning Flames.

Demon Quality:

Demons in BF are actually noble and oppressed (see sexy gentleman in the cap above) but demons in TBL are awful but that is because SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER (hint - perhaps next time be less psycho, deities and take the deal offered.)

Winner: well, in terms of complexity, BF but in terms of twist and making fun characters to hate, TBL. So tie.

Bad Guys and/or Suckier Set of Deities:

Bad Guys in both dramas are not that exciting, but BF does has this gentleman as the big bad dude in charge:

Barefoot Jeremy Tsui playing divinity leaching color from the world? Oh yes, baby!

Also, while the deities in TBL are unpleasant to say the least, deities in BF are a whole other level of gross and make Romans in Spartacus seem benevolent.

Winner: Burning Flames.

Shirtlessness:

Despite the valiant efforts of Peter Ho's neckline and other assorted small treats, there is no comparison. Have you SEEN Zhang Bin Bin's torso and arms? Chosen of Heaven indeed.

Winner: The Blossoming Love.

BDSM Action (required in a costume cdrama, as per me):

Burning Flames provides plenty - ML becomes a branded slave at one point, BDSM Demon Elf likes begging for punishment etc:

I mean...

However, TBL makes most of its bleeding and tying up explicitly sexy and sexually charged (and if you read the novel, it's deliberate) so

Winner: The Blossoming Love.

FINAL RESULT:

Now that I have tallied these very objective and important categories, the official winner is:

US the Viewers!!!!!

[lunarayx]

another little drabble of Sebastian from SDV because why not lol

not proofread bc nothing of mine ever is this man rots my brain

It was the second year of the Spirit’s Eve Festival that you had attended. You had chosen a simple outfit, something easy enough and didn’t require much effort. You and your friend group had met up, that of which consisted of Abigail, Sam, and the man that you have had a crush on since you first arrived that was Sebastian. Everyone had agreed to meet at the tree near the sewer. Really, whose damn idea was it to meet near such a gross fucking place? You couldn’t remember, but you shoved that thought away.

The dress you wore clung to your waist, and not once had you caught Sebastian rolling his eyes to the back of his head at how fucking hot you looked. He watched as you played a game with Abby, mainly focusing on you and forgetting about the once crush that he had on his purple headed friend. You grinned widely as you beat her once again, and he was barely able to register Abby’s words when she complained to you.

He saw his opportunity to be alone with you once Abigail wandered off to Yoba knows where. Sam had retreated back to Penny for what might had been the nth time that evening. It left you both alone, having wandered to the front of the hedge maze.

“Let’s go.”

You were yanked by your wrist into the maze. Almost immediately you both ran into Harvey, then Sebastian’s half-sister Maru, who only bid you, and mainly you, good luck. By then you finally noticed that both of your fingers were intertwined, and you had been holding his hand by a near death grip. You both walked upon Abby, who barely acknowledged the fact that you were both practically holding hands because she was deathly afraid of the realistic spiders in the only walkway ahead of you. Sebastian knew better, and trudged along with you in tow until you both came to what seemed like a dead end.

“Fuck.” He grumbled as he let go of your hand, swiping that same hand down his face.

You looked around for a couple minutes until you eventually saw that there was a bit of a clearance within the hedge to your left.

“Hey, could this be it?” You questioned, not bothering to look at Sebastian as you wandered through it so easily.

You had turned to tell him that this, this was the right way when suddenly you were pushed against the tree you had your back facing towards.

“Finally.” He murmured between a heated kiss that you ever so gladly returned.

Your body was on fucking fire. Every soft area that his hands groped and squeezed at left a fiery path in its wake, desperate to feel what he had been yearning for since the moment he first saw you. You were so soft and he needed to feel every part that was you.

You were both on the ground at this point, making out as if you were both a couple of hormone ridden teenagers. The back of your dress was filled with dirt and grass stains, but fuck it, right? This hot man was practically on the verge of fucking you right there and right now.

Sebastian tugged down his sweatpants and boxers, releasing his cock from its confinements. You gawked, or stared more in disbelief at the sight of it, looking up at him as he roughly pulled down your underwear and looked at you, smug as ever. Of course someone as hot as him would know what he was packing underneath all of his stupid clothes.

He nearly shoved his cock inside of you, causing you to throw your head back into the grass and eliciting a loud moan that you barely had the mind to cover.

“So damn tight.” He moaned as he leaned down into the crook of your neck.

[mochinomnoms]

Thinking about the period stuff now and just thinking that the boys who would be total champs should Reader/Yuu be on would be;

Jamil - He's not only seen it all with his own sister, but has probably had to help Kalim's sisters at some point or another too. He's dealt with the worst cramps and flows to the "I didn't even notice I was on" girlies.

Ortho - Baby boys a walking Medwiki, has probably known your cycle before your first conversation with him. Would be more fascinated than grossed out by period stuff than most boys in the school.

Rook - Like Ortho, probably knows when you're on before you even realised you were and has a box of your preferred method of dealing with it in hand by the bathroom stall at the ready. Don't ask why he's in the toilet with you or how he knew what size pussy you wear, just be glad that in an all boys school, you have at least one (1!) friend willing to carry spare tampons/towls/mooncups/whatever for you.

Cater - Poor guys got 4 sisters and has been an unwilling student in all the "joys" of menstration. He'll look out for his favourite underclassman and bask in the praise of being such a reliable senpai/big brother type. But if his sisters are nuts normally, he's gonna have to work through some instense war flashbacks before he's any good to you.

Kalim - Most likely has a lot of sisters who are at the age where their dealing with this stuff, does his best bless him to take care of them but c'mon, it's Kalim. As soon as he tries people are calling for Jamil instead. That plus the sheer mythic level of cat fighting should any of his 30+ siblings syncronize means that like Cater, might be too scared to approach you at first but he makes it on this list for sheer effort and desire to help.

Of the human students, these all make a lot of sense! I def think the idea that Ortho already knew about your cycle before even knowing your name is super funny.

Little man's got a storage unit in him that has those stickable heating pads, pads/tampons, and pain medicine. One day, at a time that you know of Ortho, but never really spoken to him, he floats up to you. You're looking at him all confused before he opens up a compartment, takes out the above-mentioned supplies, and just hands them to you. He chirps about you needing them and lets you know that he's always well-equipped if you need anything else!

You're standing there with Ace and Deuce, confused. Your period doesn't start for another week, why did he—how does he even know your cycle? (That night, you notice that you started early).

And Rook? Fucking freak of nature he is. Why does he know your exact brand and period product preferences? Cause the man, similar to Ortho, is walking up to you one day, prattling on in poetic fashion about the beauties of human biology and reproduction (fucking weirdass). He hands you a small bag with your items, all the exact ones you get from Sam, down to the exact flow size. He tells you that you should consider heading to the bathroom now. Walking off, you freeze as you feel yourself get wet. You rush to the bathroom, finding that you started your period right at that moment.

Ortho is excusable, he's a robot. Rook's on thin fucking ice and is now required to stay 6 feet away from you at all times. If he wants to give you something, he can have Epel deliver it. He wins your favor back by buying you snacks, and you let him near you again. Just stop reciting poetry about the menstrual cycle, Rook I beg—

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my roommates to clean the bathroom in a specific way, or pay me to do so for them?

I (21F) live in student housing with 3 roommates, all 20-21F. We started living together in August and will continue living together until we all graduate a year from now. Our apartment has four bedrooms but we all share one bathroom.

When we first started living together we came to some agreement on cleaning things, like that dishes are the responsibility of whoever dirtied them, rotating trash duties, and importantly for this post we decided that we would alternate who cleaned the bathroom each week and posted a calendar that says who’s week it is with a place to leave a check mark when it’s complete.

This ostensibly works fine, as people are roughly on time with their cleaning and check off their name as they are supposed to. However. Each of our ideas of cleaning the bathroom are vastly different. For example when I clean the bathroom I scrub the toilet bowl, wipe down the toilet seat top, lift up the seat and wipe down under there, wipe the flusher and the back of the toilet because it gets dusty and gross, wipe down door handle as you have to touch it with dirty hands to get out of the WC to the sink, wipe down the countertop and and the sink, spray and then rinse the shower with cleaner, take hair out of the shower drain (bc they refuse to use a drain cover), vacuum up the insane amounts of hair that end up on our floor, and then mop the floor as well as take out the bathroom trash.

my roommates will maybe clean the inside of the toilet bowl and spray/scrub the shower before checking their names off the list. It drives me insane bc it means that I have to clean everyone else’s weeks of grime off the floor and toilet seat, and pull so much hair out of our shower. There have been weeks where I’m not convinced any cleaning happened at all, and I think people just checked their names off without doing anything. I’ve discussed this with my roommates both individually and as a group in the past but they say that they are cleaning the bathroom so there shouldn’t be an issue

This is where I may be the asshole: enter The Cleaning List. Basically I made a list of requirements for the bathroom cleaning. It’s formatted with headings of areas to be cleaned and bullet points underneath of specifics. (For example one heading is “TOILET” with the bullet points “-clean top of and underneath toilet, -seat scrub toilet bowl, -wipe flusher.”) I then took a picture of this list and texted the group saying that I would like to implement these as the new cleaning requirements and post the list next to our calendar of who’s turn it is to clean. I also told them that if they couldn’t commit to the time/effort that these new rules would add, they could pay me 30 dollars on their weeks to do it for them.

My roommates did not appreciate my idea for The Cleaning List nor the idea of paying me to clean on their week. They called me a controlling and said I wasn’t appreciating the work they do to clean the bathroom already, and just because I have ridiculous standards doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have to pay me. They said the current system works fine so we should just keep doing what we’re doing.

I don’t think I’m the asshole because I’m doing more work than everyone else to maintain the cleanliness of our shared space and I think we should either split the work fairly or that I should at least be compensate for making up for everyone else’s refusal to clean the bathroom in a way that’s productive. But I could be the asshole because I did ask them to put in more work to meet my own standards, or ask them to pay me to do it for them if they can’t even though their standards aren’t the same.

So, AITA?

Extra info: 1. it’s worth saying I have contamination OCD and cleaning other peoples grossness gives me intense anxiety but the anxiety is far worse when I have to interact with the grossness on a daily basis with no recourse. Some of my roommates are aware of this some are not. 2. When I claim I don’t think the bathroom is being cleaned properly, it’s not because the bathroom isn’t sparkling and spotless. It’s because there’s consistently pee stains on toilet seats, shit streaks in the toilet, a visible layer of hair strands on the floor, and enough hair in the shower that if I don’t clean it the whole thing clogs.

[esperderek]

After my last post about the Screen Rant response to Jenny Nicholson's Galactic Starcruiser video, it was pointed out to me that Gizmodo's I09 division also put out an article defending Starcruiser. I'm not going to spend as long analyzing this one.

It's the usual you've already heard: people were confused that it wasn't just a hotel, how you had to put effort into it to get results back, that the staff and Imagineers worked real hard on it, there were people who liked it.

It's all the same defenses that clearly are hoping that you haven't watched the video, and probably they haven't either. Since, you know, the video basically dismantles all of those arguments one by one.

I will say it also attempts a slightly bafflingly progressive take on it, like saying stuff like:

"To many Star Wars fans who were able to check out Galactic Starcruiser during its short-lived existence, the attraction presented a chance to act on the frustration many share in their day to day lives of watching atrocities happen and feeling like there’s little we can do about them."

Which is pretty gross, right? Comparing 'going to a hotel on vacation' with 'fighting the good fight against the bad shit in the world'. I mean, especially when you consider one of the paths is joining with the fascists? Also it's owned by a billion-dollar corporation? Which even the article briefly points out...which is the point the article writer should of rethought their stance.

Now, more importantly, looking at the articles from Screen Rant and Gizmodo and I'm sure there's others, I'm sure people are wondering/thinking that Disney had a hand in this. And to be honest...

No, probably not. Well, not directly, at least.

Rather, these websites require access. Access to press releases, access to interviews, access to special events. So writing a puff piece defending Galactic Star Cruiser is a pretty safe bet to do, especially if you suspect that Disney is planning to still do something with the GSC. As has been pointed out, the building still remains intact, and a lot of the signage in the parks is still there. So if they reopen it as, say, a dining experience, then the website who wrote a puff piece defending the honor of the Halcyon is much more likely to be invited to opening night than Jenny Nicholson is.

Additionally, these days websites such as Screen Rant pay like crap, to the point where the only people willing to work on them are the true believers. It's like how game developers are some of the worst paid and most overworked dev teams, because the industry knows they can get true believers who want to Design Video Games in the doors.

So no, I doubt Disney is directly in anyone's ear about this. But rather, it's websites taking advantage of the situation to try and get into Daddy Disney's good graces. There are always useful idiots.

[ghostfanwriter]

Where you enjoy kissing Joel a bit too much.

💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖

Warnings: almost smut, +18 only please, Joel spits on reader's mouth, mentions of sex but no act itself, no use of y/n, age gap (I picture reader being around my age (23-28) on this one. Oh, also, you may have ruined underpants after reading this 🥴. Please tell me if I missed something, I couldn't tell right now.

A/N: Now, I don't know where this came from... I'm ashamed of myself. I always thought that spit and all things related were gross, but Joel Miller does things to me that I couldn't explain. I wrote this while laying in my bed this morning and I just want to marry Joel, help please.

A/N2: Did you notice the gif? Yes, it looks like he's just... You know, getting ready to do it. I lost it when I found it.

Word count: A bit less than 2k.

Hope you enjoy, loved writing this 💖

Good read ✨

💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖

💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖

You're lying on your shared bed when Joel walks in your room, freshly showered and smelling like the perfume you got him on a recent trip outside of Jackson. The sunlight brightens his figure on all the right places. You watch him with fond eyes. You just can't process how much you love the man.

He smiles at you and climbs on top of your body, letting most of his weight go and crushing you in a way he knows to make you melt. He presses his face on your neck and rubs his beard on it, knowing it will make your neck a little red for the day.

You moan softly and smile, enjoying the sensation of being with him. Even though you were together almost ever since he returned to Jackson (after Maria's best efforts to get you two to go on a date neither of you admitted you wanted to go to), the same feelings still flooded you every time you were close to him.

The sweaty palms, the flutter in your stomach, the dry mouth, the racing heartbeat. It was all still there. All the evergreen love, the passion… the lust.

All the overwhelming feelings made it easy for you to get lost on him. To not think straight when all you knew was him.

That was a common thing for you now. Everytime you were with him it was like that was all that existed. He could provide you enough to survive only by being next to you. He was all the oxygen you needed, all the nurture you needed. All your favorite smells, sounds, views and tastes came from him.

God you love how he tastes. Every single taste he has.

The salty taste of his sweat when you kissed his cheeks when he was helping out around the city. The easy to get used to (and crave) taste of his cum. Your own taste on his fingers or mixed with his saliva when he kissed you to bring you back to reality after an orgasm only he knew how to get out of you. The minty, whiskey-y and smokey taste of his kisses.

You were long gone, fully lost in your thoughts when his lips touched yours. He kissed you softly and you opened your mouth in a plead to taste him.

He rolled his tongue around yours, tasting you and groaning at how you shifted under him. You were lying with your hips on your side and your torso turned upwards. So his hardening cock was pressing deliciously against your hips.

He just knew you were already wet and burning between your legs. And the thought of it made him deepen the kiss.

It wasn't a desperate or hungry kiss, like most you shared before and during sex. It was a passionate, slow and savoured kiss, the type you shared on your kitchen before he left to help around town, or when you stared into each other's eyes for a little too long, or right after sex.

He kept kissing you for what felt like a whole, extremely well spent day. The burn in your pussy making you clench around air, already aching for him.

He pulled away. Staring at your mouth. Your lips swollen and a bright red. He smiled at you and kissed your neck again. You allowed him all the space he required, and turned your hips to fully lay on your back.

He groaned when your hips rubbed his clothed cock and looked back at you. You lifted yourself a bit to kiss him again, slowly laying back down, knowing he would follow you without breaking the connection with your lips.

You pull away and lick his lips, pushing your tongue into his mouth. He was usually the one to break in, but he loved everytime you were the one to start the invasion.

You roll your tongue around his the same way he did it to you earlier - was that five minutes or an hour ago? You honestly couldn't tell.

You gathered a bit of his saliva on your tongue and pulled it back into your mouth, breaking the kiss. He watches as you savour and swallow it. A hint of a smirk painting his Greek-God face.

He parted a bit more his already parted lips, a silent invitation for you to come back in. You do so, and once again, you gather a little of him on your tongue and drink it.

“I love you.” he said with a soft, low and passionate voice. “I love you more.” you smiled and he went back to kissing your neck. “Impossible.” he said between kisses on your neck.

“I love how you taste.” you don't know where it came from, but you said it and he looked at you. “Open your mouth.” he said looking at your eyes and your mouth. You do as you're told, immediately opening your mouth and sticking the tip of your tongue out for him to do whatever he planned with it.

Smiling, he goes back to your neck, gaining a soft moan he knows well enough to be a complain.

“You're so good to me. Open your mouth for me and you don't even know what for.” you run your fingers through his hair and his back. God you loved when he praised you. It made you feel special and never let any room for negative feelings. Joel could fuck your throat and, as long as he called you his 'good girl', 'sweet girl', 'favourite girl' or 'pretty thing' or said 'how good you were for him' during it, you were more than willing to just let him make all his desires come true with your body.

“There's two reasons you ask me to open my mouth. For one of them your hips are too far away, and for the other there's nothing on your fingers yet." You said with a half laugh, hoping you were right about what he wanted to do. “So it must be something knew. I love the new things you show me.”

He kisses you again, and you can feel his mouth more wet than before. Before you can process it you're almost slurping the old man's mouth. Moaning and kissing him like you've gone for weeks on a desert. Swallowing every drop of him you can get.

“Ask for it.” he says with a dark and lustful voice when he pulls away. “Please.” you say before he's even finished his sentence. “Use your words baby, tell me what you want.” he gives your lips a peck.

“Please, s-” you can't finish the sentence. Usually he gives you what you want even if you don't fully ask for it. But right now he has all the time on what's left of this world to wait for you to say it.

“Open your eyes, baby. Look at me.” you open them and he kisses you again, forcing your eyes closed. “C'mon, open them.” you do as you're told, your eyes dancing around the ceiling before you can focus on him again. “Now tell me what you want.” your eyes try to close and you force them open once again. “Joel, please.”

He brushes his thumb over your lips, opening your lower lip and pulling on your teeth to open your mouth. He finds no resistance and smiles at how much you actually want him to do it.

But you haven't said it, so he can't do it. He finds your neck again, making you grip him tighter.

“Please, Joel." he lifts his head just enough to give you a side look and looks at you when you keep talking, "S-spit in my mouth. I wanna taste you.” you can feel your pussy flood at your own confession. His cock pulses inside his pants and he lets out a deep, throaty groan.

“Good girl. Knew you could do it.” he kisses you, again a slow and passionate kiss.

“Open your mouth for me, baby.” you do as you're told and part your lips, sticking the tip of your tongue out and opening your eyes. He looks at you and swirls his tongue around yours, connecting his lips to yours, making you moan frustrated, what did you have to do to have him just... fucking... do it?

Your moan transforms into an actual one when you feel his tongue wet your mouth, bringing a bit of his saliva into it. He does it again, gathering his saliva with his tongue and guiding it into your mouth. You let it pool in the middle of your tongue and drink it as soon as he breaks the kiss, watching your mouth and your throat to know when you'd do it.

It earns you a groan from him, and he says again, his voice now fully lost in lust. “Open your mouth for me.” you happily do so, once again sticking the tip of your tongue out.

He stares at you for a second. You follow his eyes and surprisingly, you feel no shame at all. You knew Joel was too good of a man to go and tell anyone the things you'd let him do to you, like a young and stupid boy. You could do whatever he wanted, be the vision he always waited for, and you knew he would just love you more as you did it.

Even when he called you a slut, he found a way to make you feel good about it. ‘My pretty girl, such a whore for me, only for me, no one else. So special, so good for me, sweetheart.’ he would say when you'd let him fuck your mouth, or tell him you had nothing under your dress after dancing and teasing him at a party full of people.

You moan in anticipation when you see the muscles in his face moving. He was gathering his saliva to give it to you. You felt special knowing you were probably the first one he ever did this to. Knowing that he knew that only you would let him do it. He also knew he was the only one you'd let do that to you.

He does it. It's not an agressive spit. Rather he just opened his mouth in a spiting motion and forced it out of his mouth and onto your tongue. Your eyes gave in for a beat when you felt his taste on your tongue.

“Swallow it, baby.” you do so, sighing after you felt it slide down your throat. “Thank you.” you don't know why, but you say it. And after saying it you realize that you meant it. He just spit in your mouth and you were thanking him for it. God, he ruined you good this time.

“Anything for my sweet girl, my good girl deserves it all.” he kisses you again, finally touching your pussy, pushing your small shorts to the side and groaning at how fucking wet you are.

“Always so ready for me. My favourite pretty girl. The only girl I want, the only one I need.” he said when he put a finger into you, knowing that what he said was a simple fact.

You were all he needed. You gave him what he wanted and he knew he would burst if he loved you even just a little more.

💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖💦💖

Ooooh boy. Was this gross? Please be honest, I don't know. I would let him do almost anything to me as long as it brought a smile to his face. I love this man.

I would love to hear what you think! Reblogs are highly appreciated 💖

Also, I have another Joel fic right here. It's a smut pretty much set on the same little universe 💝

[bengiyo]

The Trainee Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Ryan woke up late and had to scramble to make it to the set, and added extra stress by accidentally taking the store's phone instead of his. On set, Jane tasked him with supervising the extras so they would remain on standby, leading to a lesson in ignoring age politics to do his job well. Pie did well executing the shots for Unit B, but kept looking for more to do because she felt all of their tasks were beneath her. Pah did well with his tasks, and helped teach Pie a few things. Ba-Mhee did poorly, and needed a stern lesson in the role account managers play in keeping a set functional. After Pie accidentally let an extra go home early, Ryan noticed a way to replace her, and Jane ate crow for Pie when the client was pissed about the overages. Ryan returned home after checking in with Jane to help his sister with the extra work from the phone issues. Ryan also tried to reach out gently to Pie, who felt really bad about causing problems.

I was happy to see Ryan interact with his dad, but now I'm nervous about Ryan bringing oil to work.

EP 4: Backup Files

I love when a show remembers its own drama. Ryan is sore from his first day required to work on his feet for extended hours, and Pie is still embarrassed about her mistake. She kept throwing Ryan under the bus before. Curious how she'll manage her fear of Jane.

Pah, please don't fuck up the invoices...

I'm glad Jane is getting used to Ryan's nonverbal tendencies.

Oh no, Jane can smell the oil.

Ba-Mhee should not have followed Tae to the same company. He's clearly trying to complete a task right now, and this drive is going to break.

This is classic intern behavior. You're afraid to admit you made a mistake, and now you're scrambling to try to make up for it. It's also something they do because they're bored. Pah is rushing off on a plan to fix something he didn't break because he's clearly avoiding the invoices.

The comedy of this whole plan execution is really quite stellar. They're hitting these comedic beats perfectly.

They're also cutting in the tension of being discovered really well, too. This is a lot of fun. I like that simple office nonsense is where we went after the high stress of a film set. In the grand scheme of things, the footage is probably already on additional backup drives. All this is unnecessary, and I'm hoping for a meaningful resolution.

Ew, this guy is gross. Both women and his coworkers have told him to stop and he keeps going. Disgusting. I'm glad they showed them scolding him further after the ladies left to change.

Pie is nervous about this meeting, but I'm sure it's about her actual work on Unit B.

I do love this moment between Pie and Ba-Mhee. It would suck if Ba-Mhee was only defined by her relationship with Tae.

Ah, there's our romantic moment of the week.

Of course Tae has helmet now.

Tae from another multiverse. Not a Vice Versa reference.

I love when a show and I are on the same page. Baimon asked generally about the day to see where Pie was about it, and she immediately unloaded about how she screwed up. They used it as a teachable moment about relying on your team, and revealed that they did see her talents, and that she did real work that mattered as a test for even more responsibility with a specific timeline. This hits especially hard because we had that scene with that gross man earlier, because we have two men she reports to validating her efforts.

It's actually refreshing to see a GMMTV workplace show where they understand the minutiae of the work itself. Their interns are making small mistakes that interns make that have manageable consequences for their organization, which allows for the appropriate scolding. Tae screwed up when he didn't report the broken drive, and Pah screwed up by bailing on his own responsibilities. Worse, Tae could have leaked client information. Reminding the interns that they have superiors for a reason, and the purpose of their internships, is going quite well here.

Aww, Pie is hugging Ryan.

Of course Jane was the one who insisted Pie be given another chance. He recognized how she had already beaten herself up about her mistake, and so there was no need to pile on. He focused on correcting the presumptions she had about working on a team as they move forward.

Well well well, the oil led to a cute moment instead. A win.

An excellent preview: they assured me we'd be dealing with the invoice paperwork next week, and that Ryan will still be dealing with Jane's curt nature.

We've been led down a lot in the back half of GMMTV shows lately, so I really hope this one holds together. The drama in this show is so well-balanced for the setting. I also am really enjoying the pacing. Last week was quite frenetic to match the energy of a film set, but this week was a bit slower as we dealt with post production issues. I've really enjoyed following the projects they've been working on, and am excited about the beginning of a new one next week. It's also really cool that the projects we've seen are rather small: first an ad, and now a music video. That feels like the right work for a production company that's trying to keep revenue streams going. A big show gets a lot of views, but you're hoping other producers want to hire your company for their projects too. This has been an awesome watch experience.

[glassiscompletlyempty]

tbh i think movies and fandoms misuse the word family pretty often and brozone is a prime example.

think about what a family member is really its someone who you have had life experiences with both good and bad both great and terrible

its someone who cares about you its someone who's there or at least tries to be there for you when you need them and yes even when you fall out which you do a lot its still made clear they care.

brozone are only family to branch in the very old fashioned sense of they were birthed by the same person they didn't share many if any life experiences with him he was literally at the start of his life when they left.

they didn't show much if any care for him at the time ( except for floyd ) they didn't show any care to bother trying to come back to see him ( except for john which is rather ironic )

they aren't very pleasent to him in present day they don't care about his feelings and only care for his presence when its easy and requires no effort from them.

hence why they were all happy to see him at the start because they liked the novelty of having a cute baby brother again but quickly lost interest when they had to put actual effort into the relationship.

and of course turned verbally abusive on him at the slightest push back of him not accepting their ways which angered them.

yet people still call them famiy?

i'm sorry but that's a gross misuse of the word it'd make more sense calling poppy family giving everything they've been through and experienced together and how they've both picked each other up when they were down.

and they just are overall nice to each other and consider their feelings on a regular basis that's what a family member is not whatever the f brozone are.

its just a bad misuse of the word family to call them that to branch they are basically strangers to him he hardly knows them and what little he does know is all very negative

you wouldn't put up with half of this mistreatment from a total stranger and you shouldn't put up with it just because the stranger happens to be related to you by blood.

its just a very old fashioned toxic mindset and i can't believe its invaded this franchise and its fandom really makes me sad tbh.

trolls always had its problems but it was mostly a wholsome franchise with nice messages and themes but now its literally trying to encourage kids to put up with abusive people and telling them its on them to fix them.

and that blood entitles people to mistreat you and take stuff from you whenever they want while never showing basic care about you.

the third movie ruined this franchise tbh it would have been better had it ended with holiday in harmony.

[turtlebitez]

Rottmnt Oneshot (WIP) !!

Okay so I saw this headcanon on Pinterest talking about how the turtles all meet each other in the kitchen at like three in the morning, and I wanted to try and write something about that.

(Keep in mind it's still a draft so it's not perfect)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Donnie’s fingers move swiftly over his keyboard, the constant sound of typing almost lulling him to sleep. His eyes struggle to stay open as he stares at the screen right in front of him, reading every line of code he’s written. Hoping to find the outlier that’s stopping his attempts at moving forward in his work. He’s been at it for hours, the majority of his day was spent cooped up in his lab, sitting here with nothing but unsuccessful efforts to show for it. He lets out another defeated sigh as he runs his hands over his face, sinking back into his chair. “Sigh.. ughh I give up..” he mutters to himself as he stretches his arms above his head, letting out a tired groan.

His hand moves out across the table as he reaches for his T-phone; deciding on taking a couple moments to himself before he spirals over something that doesn't really require his energy at all. It was supposed to be a quick pet project he picked up for the hell of it, but it proved to be more of a painstaking task than he expected. The keyboard was pushed back closer to the monitor, donnie replacing it with his elbow as he props his head up onto his hand. As he turns on his phone he’s brought back to the reality of how late it really is. 

The chair rolls back as Donnie pushes himself away from his desk, swirling around before he finally stands up; making his way out of the lab. “Sheldon, turn off the lights and initiate-..” he trailed off as his hand came over his mouth, covering a yawn that forced itself out of him. He doesn’t bother finishing up his sentence as he continues out of the room, the metal doors slamming shut behind him. 

It’s becoming routine for him at this point; working himself to the brink of exhaustion then taking a short break, before ultimately starting the cycle all over again. The others keep telling him it’s unhealthy and downright miserable, but when he’s focusing on his scientific endeavors it’s like he’s been possessed by something otherworldly (or so Leo claims). He’s just passionate about what he does, that’s all.. 

Donnie made his way across the dimly lit lair, the only sounds coming from his soft footsteps against the cool concrete floor, and the occasional creak of the pipes above. Everyone was fast asleep by now, and he’d prefer to keep it that way; enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasts. As he reaches the kitchen he makes his way over to the coffee machine; one of his most used inventions apart from his battle shell. Unfortunately for him the coffee pot was still discarded in the sink where he left it earlier, now sitting in gross, murky water along with the other dishes used during dinner.

[cheemscakecat]

Can’t find it, but I saw someone draw Fiddleford erasing Ford’s memory into goo and it gave me pain. Here’s my reasoning for why that didn’t happen/wouldn’t happen.

Fiddleford isn’t nearly as athletic as Ford. Now, there are probably Blind Eye members more capable of chasing after Stanford if they were trying to forcefully erase his memories, but that doesn’t mean they’d be successful. The man may be depriving himself of sleep, but he’s built up enough brute strength and endurance to escape. He made it home after collapsing in a truck stop parking lot, and managed to fight Stanley in the portal room.

The Blind Eye members wouldn’t know the layout of the forest and mountains as well as Ford. He spend years out by himself in nature, trying to drink in every detail. Even the members who know the forest because they grew up there haven’t looked at the forest the same way as him. These are people scared of the supernatural who willingly joined Fiddleford’s memory erasing cult. They aren’t going to be experts in Gravity Falls guerrilla warfare.

The memory gun eventually made the Blind Eye members forget who their founder was, and the forced use on the townsfolk made everyone stupider. The young people like Soos and Wendy haven’t had their minds erased as often, so they aren’t affected like the adult population. While pre-portal journey Ford would be up against the first generation of cultists before they forgot Fiddleford, I still feel like the effects of the memory gun would hamper their efforts to hunt him down. Especially if he goes into the mountains and woods full of creatures these cultists have been trying to forget.

Bill would be annoyed like a bratty toddler if Stanford lost his memories, so he’d oppose it too. Not out of care for the man [shipping them is extremely gross], but because he’s impatient to get that portal running, and takes too much delight in tormenting Ford. Knowing this group of people is afraid of the supernatural, should Ford be captured by the cult somehow, Bill would intimidate them into letting him go. Or beat them up using his body.

5. Ford was becoming aware of Fiddleford’s use of the memory gun before he left the project. He was already getting [rightfully] paranoid about Fidds before the reveal that Bill was evil, but that paranoia only got worse after the fact. He’s no coward about it; the man still went into town and was chasing Blind Eye members to try and find out who they were. But yes, Ford is smart and anxious enough to watch his back in town, in case the Blind Eye tried to get him.

6. Fiddleford wasn’t just the founder of the memory erasing cult, he was also the most addicted to using the machine on himself. Which explains why he lost his mind and became homeless so quickly, while the other members like Ivan are still sane enough to run the cult. Pre-portal journey would also be the time when memories about Bill were the freshest, so it’s safe to assume Fidds was using that ray on himself plenty. Even though both men were in a deteriorating metal state, Stanford was not as unwell or near the point of insanity.

7. Ford was always better at dealing with the stress of dangerous anomaly attacks and horror, which served him well in those thirty years beyond the portal. He also survived for 30 years while an outlaw, homeless, lost, and still at risk of possession [until he met the Oracle]. If it got bad enough in Gravity Falls and the cult was looking for him, Ford could survive in the wilderness just fine. Or escape to another town in Oregon or the surrounding states. But he’s probably return as soon as he thought they had given up to make sure the portal was secure.

8. For Ford to be turned into a shell of himself like in the drawing, he’d have to have something integral to his identity erased. Something like “the supernatural” or “weirdness” itself. But A. That would probably break the memory gun or require an hour’s worth of memory canisters. And B. That would so obviously send the poor guy back to when he was a toddler that Fidds would immediately realize he messed up. Why a toddler? Because he hadn’t met the bullies at school yet, and extended family would find him more cute than weird.

But yeah, if Ford started talking like a 3-4 year old who thought he’d been kidnapped, there’d be no way to argue that he’s okay. They’d have to try to sort through his dense paranormal memories in that pile of canisters, trying to undo the damage.

9. If they did mess up Ford’s mind that badly, Fidds would feel terrible about it and try to fix it. I imagine Stanley would be contacted using Ford’s old mail, and knock some sense into the cultists on his way to revive Stanford’s mind. And the erasure wouldn’t stop Bill from being terrible to Ford, so it would once again prove that Fidds was wrong to erase his mind in no uncertain terms.

10. Even at the height of his cult arc, I doubt Fiddleford would be so full of it/stupid that he erased “the paranormal” from Ford’s mind. They knew each other for years, he should know that it’s something Stanford cherishes, and has ever since he was a child. Which ultimately means there’s a nil chance of Ford getting lobotomies via memory gun, even with Blind Eye Fiddleford on the prowl.

So yeah, TDLR I must not be over that ancient AU where Dipper gets his entire mind wiped and the cult just keeps him like a servant. Kidnapped a 12 year old boy. [Ivan wasn’t that evil bro].

[cherry-bomb-ships]

U-Uhm, goodness... Hi there, Mo.jo! Name's Cri.cket.. J-Jim.iny Cri.cket...

Y-You're actually uh... friends.. I believe with Fu.zzy, right? Well.. I know Berry and Fu.zzy are pretty close and it got me thinking..

Despite being a... well, villain.. what made you start liking Ruby in the first place? I'd assume a villain such as yourself would have a pretty tough heart to crack! P-Pardon for being nosy, heh..!

Asked from @berryshipbasket

🧬 Puny bug, you take far too long to get to your point! And the stuttering!! It is surely intimidating to be in the presence of such an awe-inspiring evil presence such as my own, but you must speak more like me, Mojo Jojo - for I speak in sentences that are clear and concise! I deliberate the purpose of my statements quickly, with no arbitrary additions! In a moment I will be answering these questions that you have asked me to answer, but let this be a warning to you, and all others who may be reading to not waste the precious, valuable, and important time of Mojo Jojo! 🧬

🧬 Now then, while I am aware of that brutish backwoods bonehead and his pathetic insect partner, to call them "friends" of mine would be a gross exaggeration. Their caliber of evil falls far below the fearful feats of Mojo Jojo, for there is nothing more evil than me, especially not that simple hick and wanna-bee villain! Not to mention, they obviously let their infatuation for each other stand in the way of their true potential as villains. Meanwhile I, Mojo Jojo, have achieved the perfect work-life balance! I manage the time spent on plots and schemes and time spent with my partner, Cherry Coading, with little to no effort! I prioritize the labor which is required of my evil plans, while also regularly ensuring that my dear Cherry receives the attention they require! I do this because I, Mojo Jojo, am not only the greatest villain in the world, but also the greatest boyfriend in the world!! 🧬

🧬 Seeing as there is no greater dating option on the face of the Earth than I, Mojo Jojo, it is obvious that Cherry would fall for me the moment we first locked eyes - which they did, of course! And as evil as I may be, I would be a fool to ignore the clear advantages of reciprocating such feelings, especially the feelings of a slightly remarkable human such as Cherry Coading. After all, their intellect, at most, is at least half of my own - which is higher than any other human could hope to achieve. They are also unusually dedicated to ensuring that my plotting sessions do not stretch on for too long, and it is good for morale to keep someone around who will always be impressed by my plans and machines alike! With all the obvious benefits to a partner such as Cherry, I can stand to bear the sickeningly saccharine sensibilities that they insist on exhibiting. 🧬

[nightfallgame]

(NSFW) SHORT — Viktor Lucero (03)

Originally Written: 07-29-21

Prompt: Fluffy comfort sex with Viktor.

Tired is the best way to describe it. Viktor is always tired, but some days, it’s worse than others. The persistent feeling of weights on his shoulders and cold cotton fluff filling up his head never really wants to fade. It pushes him to be lazy and sluggish, to not care about much at all. 

On bad days, he lies in bed and doesn’t do anything else. Eating isn’t worth it. Brushing his hair takes too much energy. If it requires more effort than rolling over to grab the water bottle beside his bed and take a messy chug, he can’t make himself do it. Even when he thinks of you and how disappointed you’d be to know he’s neglecting himself again, the lead in Viktor’s limbs makes it impossible to do anything to change it. 

He stays in his dorm, in bed, and daydreams about all kinds of things. Good things, like marrying you someday in the distant future, and bad things, like if you ditch his sorry self before that can ever happen. Thinking too hard makes his head hurt. He buries his face against his pillow and heaves a whining sigh. Sleep sounds good, but he’s already slept all of the night before and half of today, and his body seems to have decided that amount is more than enough. He’s wide awake no matter what he does. 

When the door creaks open, Viktor doesn’t bother to roll over. There’s only one person who’d visit him, and although the thought of you makes his heart pound, he can’t work up the energy to try to look presentable. 

“You okay?” your soft voice says. Viktor shivers at the sound. 

“Fine,” he mumbles. On days like this, he feels more like the distant self he was before meeting you. He feels detached from everything. 

“Don’t look it. Can I sit down?”

Viktor makes a quiet, affirming noise, and you settle on the bed beside him. Your weight is comforting. It makes him feel less alone. Viktor heaves a shuddering sigh. He wants to roll over and wrap his arms around your waist, but his body isn’t listening. Instead, he inhales the musty scent of his pillow and silently hopes that you’ll do something for him. Something warm. 

Just as he’s hoping, your hand finds his shoulder, buried under the thin layer of his sheets. You rub a couple of slow lines over the muscle and bone. Whatever you’re seeing right now, it has to be pathetic beyond words. 

But... he wants you. Even when you’re seeing the worst of him, Viktor wants you. Nothing makes him feel as alive as when you’re by his side. If you told him to, he’d fight the weight in his chest with everything he had, just to see if it would make you smile. You’re the only thing that matters in his life, better than anything, and when you touch him, his whole being lights up with warmth that hardly feels fair. How he managed to deserve someone like you, Viktor’s not sure. He probably doesn’t. He can’t. 

“Poor thing. Today’s bad, isn’t it?” you question. Your touch stays. 

Viktor nods. You rub up and down his shoulder again and again. He closes his eyes and tries to sink into that touch. To think about nothing but how good it feels to be wanted by the one person who makes living worth it. Maybe he’d waste away if it wasn’t for you. He wouldn’t really care if he did. 

And then, you lean down and press a soft kiss to the side of his head. It makes him wince. His hair is greasy and gross. You don’t seem to care. 

You do it again. And again after that. Rolling Viktor over like he weighs nothing, the next kiss lands on his forehead, then his temple, then his cheek. His eyes go wide. Showered with affection, a warm, light feeling finds its way into his chest and surges. Your smile, when he sees it, is glowing and fond. The crushing feeling hanging over him ebbs just slightly, and when you land another kiss on his cheek, a smile tugs at his lips all on its own. 

“That’s better,” you grin. “Smile. I like it when you’re happy.” And you flop down over him and kiss him again and again. By the time those kisses make it to his lips, Viktor is smiling in a way he can’t stop at all. 

However, the tone soon shifts. Viktor kisses back desperately. He deepens it from the light press of lips you started, and when you try to pull back, he grabs at you desperately to keep you close. You hum. You lick into his mouth and let one of your hands slip into his hair. Viktor wants just like he always does, and you seem ready to give him what he aches for. 

By the time you pull away, he’s hard. Because Viktor is easy at his core, it doesn’t take much. All you have to do is touch him, and his body responds. Deep kisses leave him longing. He can’t stop it even if he tries. 

“Do you want me to take care of you?” you whisper. He nods. 

From there, it’s a mess of you kissing him stupid and tugging his willing body into your lap when you lie back against the bed. Viktor winds up sprawled out on top of you, cuddled up close. Your fingers find his waistband and work his pants open and down around his hips. A hot touch trails over the stand-out line of his hip bone, and you hum, pleased, when he instinctively twitches into it. His cock is already straining against his underwear, hard and ready, and you smile fondly at the sight. 

You tease him. For a long minute, it’s just your fingers rubbing sweetly at whatever skin you can reach. Viktor buries his face against your collarbone and whines. He wants so much. Every time your nails drag over his skin, his dick twitches helplessly. He’s already panting lightly. 

When you work his underwear down to his thighs, Viktor’s hard enough that his cock slaps wetly up against his stomach. You laugh something about him being easy to please, and his face flushes with both pride and a strange, flustered feeling. It makes you happy. He doesn’t care how embarrassing it is, so long as it makes you smile right at him. 

You trail two fingertips up the underside of him. Viktor moans raggedly and bucks up into it, but that just makes you giggle and pull away. 

“So eager,” you croon into his ear. “Do you feel better? I want to help you, sweetheart. I’ll take care of you until every bad thing goes away.” The words are said with so much love that Viktor shudders and closes his eyes. 

He needs this. He needs you. 

He whimpers something that might be a please. You just rub at his tip with your two fingers, light and teasing. That torturous touch continues until Viktor is whining and twitching his hips against it, and it’s only when he’s reduced to shaking all over that you give him more at all. 

As your whole hand wraps around him, Viktor cries out. His back arches all the way down his spine, and sparks burst across his vision like miniature fireworks. You stroke him a few times, grip light, and that’s enough to have him keening for you. Viktor nuzzles into your shoulder and tries to breathe. You jerk him off like you have all the time in the world. Viktor shudders and sighs and moans, and in no time at all, your fingers wander down to his sac and cup the tender area oh-so-gently. 

“Pretty boy. So sweet. I’m so happy I can be here for you.” Endless praises pour out of your mouth. Your touch finds the space beneath his balls and presses in just right to make him spasm like he’s been shocked. 

Even without any further touch to his cock, Viktor’s pretty sure he could come. You’re nudging up against the spot inside of him that drives him crazy, and that’s probably all it’ll take. His dick jerks against his belly, neglected and desperate, and you rub against that place over and over again until the closest thing to words he can manage are gasping little moans. 

Your hand returns to his dick. Viktor bucks into the touch. You whisper that you love him right in his ear, and that’s the last thing he needs. 

He spills all over your hand with a soft, sharp cry. 

Viktor comes down feeling like he’s floating. You stroke him all the way through the aftershocks and let him cuddle into you. He clings so tightly it probably hurts, but you don’t complain. You just squeeze him right back. 

“Do you feel better?” you ask. 

When he thinks about it, he does. Maybe it’s because he got off. Probably, it’s because you’re there at all, holding him close. Either way, some of the cold lethargy has bled right out of him. He feels a little more alert, a little more alive, and warm deep in his chest while you rub his back. He mumbles to you that yeah, he does feel a little better. You squeeze him. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Viktor silently hopes that this will never end. He knows you’ll have to pull away and get him cleaned up eventually, but right now... he can pretend like you’ll be able to hold him forever. 

[mariacallous]

Owners of Spotify's soon-to-be-bricked Car Thing device are begging the company to open source the gadgets to save some the landfill. Spotify hasn't responded to pleas to salvage the hardware, which was originally intended to connect to car dashboards and auxiliary outlets to enable drivers to listen to and navigate Spotify.

Spotify announced this week that it's bricking all purchased Car Things on December 9 and not offering refunds or trade-in options. On a support page, Spotify says:

We're discontinuing Car Thing as part of our ongoing efforts to streamline our product offerings. We understand it may be disappointing, but this decision allows us to focus on developing new features and enhancements that will ultimately provide a better experience to all Spotify users.

Spotify has no further guidance for device owners beyond asking them to reset the device to factory settings and “safely” get rid of the bricked gadget by “following local electronic waste guidelines.”

The company also said that it doesn’t plan to release a follow-up to the Car Thing.

Early Demise

Car Thing came out to limited subscribers in October 2021 before releasing to the general public in February 2022.

In its Q2 2022 earnings report released in July, Spotify revealed that it stopped making Car Things. In a chat with TechCrunch, it cited “several factors, including product demand and supply chain issues.” A Spotify rep also told the publication that the devices would continue to “perform as intended,” but that was apparently a temporary situation.

Halted production was a warning sign that Car Thing was in peril. However, at that time, Spotify also cut the device’s price from $90 to $50, which could have encouraged people to buy a device that would be useless a few years later.

Car Thing's usefulness was always dubious, though. The device has a 4-inch touchscreen and knob for easy navigation, as well as support for Apple CarPlay, Android Auto, and voice control. But it also required users to subscribe to Spotify Premium, which starts at $11 per month. Worse, Car Thing requires a phone using data or Wi-Fi connected via Bluetooth in order to work, making the Thing seem redundant.

In its Q1 2022 report, Spotify said that quitting Car Thing hurt gross margins and that it took a 31 million euro (about $31.4 million at the time) hit on the venture.

Open Source Pleas

Spotify's announcement has sent some Car Thing owners to online forums to share their disappointment with Spotify and beg the company to open source the device instead of dooming it for recycling centers at best. As of this writing, there are more than 50 posts on the Spotify Community forums showing concern about the discontinuation, with many demanding a refund and/or calling for open sourcing. There are similar discussions happening elsewhere online, like on Reddit, where users have used phrases like “entirely unacceptable” to describe the news.

A Spotify Community member going by AaronMickDee, for example, said:

I'd rather not just dispose of the device. I think there is a community that would love the idea of having a device we can customize and use for other uses other than a song playback device. Would Spotify be willing to maybe unlock the system and allow users to write/flash 3rd party firmware to the device?

A Spotify spokesperson declined to answer Ars' questions about why Car Thing isn't being open sourced and concerns around e-waste and wasted money.

Instead, a company rep told Ars, in part: “The goal of our Car Thing exploration in the US was to learn more about how people listen in the car. In July 2022, we announced we’d stop further production and now it’s time to say goodbye to the devices entirely.” I followed up with Spotify's rep to ask again about making the device open source but didn't hear back.

At this point, encouraging customers to waste nearly $100 on a soon-obsolete device hasn't resulted in any groundbreaking innovations or lessons around “how people listen in the car.” In their initial response, Spotify's rep pointed me to a Spotify site that searches Spotify's newsroom for “how to listen to Spotify in the car.” One of the top posts is from 2019 and states that “if your car has an AUX or USB socket, using a cable is probably one of the fastest ways to connect by using your phone.”

As for Spotify, using customer dollars for company-serving learning experiences isn't the best business plan. And for regular users, it's best to avoid investing in an unproven hardware venture from a software company.

As Redditor Wemie1420 put it:

Doesn’t feel great that there is literally no alternative other than trashing it. Feels like we’re being punished for supporting them. Dissuades me from buying anything Spotify puts out in the future. I feel like there would be some way to approach this without being like, ‘yeah we’re done. Just throw it out it’s a waste of money now.’