#but now im like. man. there is something here that i can use!!!! but its like im still in the mindset of writing as a young teen!!!!
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Vodka Girl
Pairing: jack schlossberg x fem!reader
Content warnings: +18 MDI public sex (im only noticing now that thats kind of my thing now lol), vaginal fingering, petnames (vodka girl, pretty girl, whiskey guy), orgasm, alcohol, casual sex (:()
Word count: 3.8k
Summary: Before Jack Schlossberg was the president of the USA and dated Y/N, he was a recent Harvard graduate and she was a Vogue photographer covering an event at the White House.
a/n: this is kind of a prequel to the president!jack fanfictions on my profile, but can also be read independently. repost and like it if you like it, also requests open for jack and spencer reid! and sorry i disappeared, i was kinda unmotivated and didnt have ideas. its on ao3 too
It had been only a few months since you became a photographer for Vogue and you still hadn’t gotten totally used to the fanciness and all the famous and important people you had to photograph, but tonight was especially important, you were covering an event in the White House, which meant having to be around a few of the most important men and women in the whole country. It’s been hours and nothing had gone wrong so far, so you decided to reward yourself with a little drink, who could blame you? You’ve been working for hours and hadn’t eaten or drunken anything so far. So you make your way to the bar and sit down, but before you could order anything a man sat next to you with a beer on his hand and as much as you tried to stay professional, you couldn’t help but notice he was really hot, he had dark hair, was tall, was wearing a suit, well, every men there was, but he looked better than all of them in it. He looked familiar, but you couldn’t quite put a name to the face yet, but considering this was an event for high-classed people, it wasn’t surprising people here looked familiar.
You probably shouldn’t have stared so much at his hands, because he definitely noticed, as he said: “No ring”, which really confused you, and he could see it on your face because he felt the need to explain himself “I’m sorry, I thought you were checking my fingers for a wedding ring or something, my bad” He said and chuckled embarrassed, making you join him in the laughter.
��“No, I was just impressed with how nice your hands are” the second the words came out of your mouth you wanted to die, why the fuck would anyone say that? Fuck. But somehow that didn’t freak him out or made him get up and leave, instead he laughed and said: “I’m Jack, by the way”
“Y/N.” You smiled politely
“Would you like to come with me, Y/N?” he said near to your ear “This party is so boring” he added. You didn’t know what to do, you were here for work, after all, but it’s been hours and you had taken more than enough photos already, maybe you could give yourself a half hour break. So you nod saying “Yeah, sure, why not?”
“Come on.” he softly laughed as he took you by the hand to the beautiful moonlit garden. He took a deep breath before stopping between a bench and a wall, looking around to check if anyone was looking. He then looked down at the bottle of beer and then at you, smiling before opening the bottle and taking a long sip, making a disgusted face as he pulled it away, “Ah, I hate this stuff.” He chuckled and passed you the bottle.
You take a sip from the bottle as well and agreed saying “Yeah, me too”
He laughed, grabbing the bottle from your hand, putting his lips where yours were just a few moments ago, before taking a sip again, wincing at the bad taste. “I'm more of a whiskey kind of man.” He said, looking at the bottle and then at you with the corner of his eye.
“I’m more of a vodka kind of woman.”
He chuckled again, taking another sip, “Vodka girl, uh?” he said, leaning against the wall and facing you, “Any particular reason why?”
“I like the way it goes down” you say with a smirk, trying to be sexy and funny to impress him. You weren’t usually like this, you tended to act natural around guys, but he’s just so hot you can’t risk being weird or boring.
He smirked too, crossing his arms on his chest and taking another sip before passing you the almost empty bottle. “No reason to be surprised you drink vodka, though, you have the look for it.” he teased, making an obvious look up and down on you.
You tilt your head to the side and raise your eyebrows before asking playfully, yet genuinely curious “What's that supposed to mean?”
He chuckled at your pose, taking the almost empty bottle from your hands before putting it on the bench next to you and taking a step closer. He looked at you up and down once again, a smirk on his lips.
“You look like you have a strong but soft personality, vodka is strong, and you make a soft impression. You also have a sharp gaze.” He said, looking deep into your eyes.
You chuckle, nervous with his sudden closeness “I'll take that”
He smiled, slowly stepping closer until you were pressed against the wall behind you, his hands on each side of you, against the wall, trapping you, but not making full contact with you yet. “So, vodka girl..." he said in a low tone. “What's the story? Here alone?”
“I’m a photographer for Vogue, I’m just covering the event. You?”
He chuckled, slowly resting the tip of his fingers on your hips, moving them slightly to the side, but still keeping a small distance between your bodies.
He looked into your eyes with a smirk on his lips, “I'm just here by myself, politics is a family business, you know?” When he said that, something clicked inside your brain and you realized who he was, he was Jack Schlossberg, JFK’s grandson. “I just graduated college, so now I’m being more active in these kind of events with my family.” His attractiveness was already making you nervous, but now there was his name to make things harder. A Kennedy? Is your dress pretty enough to be around someone like that? How do you even breath? You have to act cool, so you smile. He smiles back “So I see we are the same.” he said while softly caressing your sides up and down, “Both alone at this boring event, no one is wearing a ring, which means we are both single, right?”
You chuckle, you were so nervous, but he’s so nice, so it’s suddenly easier to breath and so you say “I think so, I am at least”
He smiled once again, tilting his head to the side, “I'm single too.” he said, his voice lower and his eyes never leaving yours. He slowly and softly moved his fingers to your hips, “So both single at a boring event, we came here alone and now we are alone in the garden...”
You smile and say “It looks like it, what do you think about it?”
“I think...” he whispered, his fingers digging into your sides on your hips, “I think a pretty girl like you shouldn't be spending the night alone.”
“Oh, yeah? And how are we going to fix this?” you ask, finally thinking you’re being cool enough. He chuckled and finally moved his body fully in contact with yours, pinning you against the wall by your hips, “I have an idea.” he said in a low tone by your ear, his hands slowly sliding up your sides. “Hm, tell me.” you said, knowing you should stop it, but unable to actually do it.
He smirked, his hands now fully touching your body and his lips close to your ear, “I think we should spend the end of the night together...” he whispered, slowly letting his teeth graze the skin on your neck. You smirk “Sounds good to me” no, it doesn’t, what the fuck are you doing, Y/N? You’re working here, for fuck’s sake, why did you say that it’s good?
He smiled and slowly left a trail of kisses on your neck, his body pressing against you even more. “I'm glad you agree, vodka girl.” This nickname made you feel things that you probably shouldn’t be feeling right here, right now, but it’s impossible to contain it when a man this hot is around you. He slowly began moving his lips up to your jawline, “So we have a plan for the night, hm?”
“Yeah, we do, whiskey guy” you hope the nickname does the same to him as it did to you. He chuckled against your skin, “I love that nickname.” he said before putting his hand under your chin and tilting your head slightly to the side, allowing access to more of your neck. He began leaving a few more kisses on the side of your neck, his hand leaving your chin and slowly moving down your body, his fingers tracing your shape.
He began moving back to your ear, his hot breath against your skin as he whispered, “I have one rule, vodka girl.” His fingers played with the hem of your dress, slowly pulling it up and exposing more skin, touching it ever so softly. This was so, so wrong but so hard to resist, so you can’t help the words “And what is it?” from coming out of your mouth. He slowly lifted your leg up with his free hand, his fingers digging into your skin while lifting it and pinning it against the wall between his body and yours. So, so wrong. He looked into your eyes as he leaned closer, his face millimeters from yours, almost touching your lip, “You have to be silent.”
Okay, it’s beyond wrong, but it’s so hot. “What? You’re going to do me here?” You ask, still a little nervous and surprised. He smirked, taking your earlobe between his teeth and slowly started moving his hand further up on your leg, his touch leaving you craving more. “Can you be quiet?” he whispered, his lips just above your neck. Fuck it, you only live once or whatever.
“That depends on how good you are” you finally gave in to your desires. He chuckled, moving his hand even further up your leg, the thin fabric of your dress the only thing stopping him from touching you. “Oh, pretty girl, you don't know the limits to my good time.” he said as he started slowly leaving a trail of kisses from your neck to your jaw. “Then I can't promise i can be quiet, I might have to bite you to keep my mouth shut” you smirked. He bit his lip, moving his hand to your hip and pressing his body against yours, the pressure almost making you gasp but you somehow managed to stay silent. “Bite whatever you want, vodka girl, but keep quiet, we're out in the open after all. We wouldn't want to get caught.” He leaned his face closer to you, his nose almost touching yours, “Unless...” he paused, his voice low and seductive, “Unless you don't mind being heard, hm?”
That question brought out a seductive chuckle from you and you asked him: “Does the idea of me being loud out here in public risking getting caught turn you on?” He groaned lowly as he heard the question, his eyes closing from the sound of your chuckle, “You have no idea...” he said, his voice shaky now. His body was fully pressed against yours, and you can feel exactly how it affected him, especially on the spot under his belt.
You fake innocence while playing with his tie. He swallowed hard, feeling you slowly toying with his tie as he tried to form words in his mind, the heat of your touch making it hard to think. He needed no further invitation, the look on your eyes was enough to know you wanted him as much as he wanted you, so he picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you to a more secluded part of the garden, far away from any guests or cameras, making sure no one could see you.
“You asked for it, vodka girl.” He said as he gently sat you down on a soft patch of grass next to a wall, his body covering yours as he pinned you against the ground, his body pressed between your legs, and his lips just above your neck. He began attacking your neck with kisses, his tongue and teeth now on your skin. He whispered, his breath hot against your ear, “Now be quiet.”
You chuckle as you say “Whatever you say, boss”. He smirked as the sound of your words hit his ear, moving his lips to your ear, “That's a good girl.” He whispered into it. He started leaving a trail of kisses down your neck and across your collarbone while slowly moving his hands to the hem of your dress, slipping his hands underneath the thin fabric.
His touch was light and teasing, slowly moving up higher on your legs, “I want to hear those pretty little moans of yours, pretty girl.” he whispered against your neck, his fingers digging into the skin on your leg.
“Then touch me and make me cry out for you” you said, getting bolder and bolder as desire began taking over you, unable to contain yourself, even knowing the dangers of keeping it going, this was John Fucking Kennedy's grandson after all, your grandma probably had the hots for his grandpa and now he was here, about to fuck you.
“With pleasure.” he said as he began moving his hands higher, his fingers feeling your skin as they inched upward, slowly but getting closer to where you craved him. Thankfully you were wearing good underwear. He began sucking on your neck, leaving hickeys where your hair would cover later, thankfully, but still making sure he left his mark as he finally reached the edge of your underwear, “I want to hear you, vodka girl. I want to hear all the pretty noises you make when I touch you. But only I can hear it, got it?” You nod and beg: “Please.” He chuckled, his breath hot against your ear, "Please what, pretty girl?" he teased, his fingers tracing the edge of your underwear.
“Please, just touch me” you ask impatiently.
He smiled against your neck, enjoying the way you're melting under his touch. ”Say, please again and I'll give you exactly what you want.” he whispered, his fingers still tracing up and down the edge of your underwear. “Please, I need your fingers deep inside me” you begged, too horny to feel embarrassed. He smirked, his lips hovering over your ear, “That's a good girl.” He didn't make you wait any longer, his hands finally moving where you wanted him, a soft moan escaping your lips almost immediately as his fingers found your entrance and started moving in and out of you. He groaned as you let out a sound, his body still pressing against yours as much as it could “Careful, pretty girl. You don't want to be too loud.” He began slowly and gently caressing your clit with his thumb while still moving his fingers in and out of you, his touch soft but firm, making sure to build up the tension. His lips left your ear and you pull him in for a kiss to try and stay quiet.
He was caught off guard by your sudden pull but quickly melted into the kiss, his tongue slipping through your lips, tasting you, and exploring the inside of your mouth while his hand continued exploring your pussy. You moan softly through the kiss and he lets out a low growl, the sound of your moan only driving him further. He continued to kiss you, his tongue tangled with yours, while his free hand slowly moved up your body, touching and exploring every inch of you. He muttered between kisses, his voice low and ragged, “You taste so good, vodka girl. You made my night"
“Can you please fuck me?” You ask without thinking of the consequences, right now nothing else mattered, only having his dick deep inside you. He groaned at your question, his body reacting to your words and the sound of your panting. “What a polite woman asking ‘please’.” he said, his voice low and seductive, the sound of it sending a shiver through you. He whispered in your ear, “Do you wanna feel me, vodka girl?” to which you couldn't say anything other than “Yes, please.” He smirked, slowly moving his fingers away from your body, leaving you craving his touch.
He let out a deep-throated chuckle, his breath warm against your ear, “You're such a good girl, so I'm going to give you exactly what you want.” his words made your body build up with anticipation.
He began gently biting and sucking on your neck, but making sure not to leave marks where your hair wouldn't cover later, while his hands began to move down, slowly pushing up the fabric of your dress. “Do you have a condom?” you ask and he chuckled, slowly pulling away from your neck to look into your eyes. “I do." he said, his voice low and seductive, "I always come prepared.”
You roll your eyes playfully “To this kind of event? What a man whore.” as much as you were joking, you couldn't help but feel a bit of jealousy, you must be sick. He laughed, pinning you to the ground again, his body entirely covering yours, “I can't resist when I'm around a beautiful woman like you, vodka girl. You make me weak”
You pushed any jealousy away and asked “Then please fuck me already”
He moved closer to your ear, whispering, “When you ask like that, how can I say no, vodka girl?” and you take it as your sign to start unbuckling his belt, he lets out a sharp gasp at the feeling of your hands on his pants. “Eager, are we?” he said in a low tone, his breathing getting heavier with the way you were touching him. You roll your eyes and tease “Oh, shut up, we have to be quick, you know that” He chuckled “You're quite feisty, vodka girl. I like that.” He leaned in closer, his face hovering millimeters from yours, “But not that quick, though. I'm going to make sure you remember my name when we're done.” he said it as if you could forget him, but his words send shivers up your spine either way and you reply in a whisper “Just quick enough to make sure we don't get caught.”
”Don't worry, pretty girl. I'm used to multitasking. I'll make sure you're completely satisfied, and we won't be caught.” as he finishes that sentence he pulls out a condom from his pocket and pulls his pants just down enough to take his cock out, and fuck, what a dick, it was big and thick, and you knew it'd hit just the right spots. He smirked, his eyes fixed on you as he quickly rolls the condom onto himself, when he's ready he positions himself between your legs, his body pressing yours down, his eyes holding an intense look of hunger and desire, “Are you ready, vodka girl?”
You nod, not finding the words, but that was all the invitation he needed, as he slowly pushed your panties to the side and began pushing it inside you, when he felt how thigh your pussy was, he groaned, the sound deep and full of the need he had for you. Once he had already entered all his length in you, he started moving himself against you, his eyes locked on yours, “Say my name. I want to hear you.” You moan softly at his request “Jack, please”
His body shuddered from the sound of his name on your lips. ”That's a good girl” he said in a low voice. “Say it again.”
“Jack, we have to be quiet” you moan between thrusts.
He started moving a little faster, his body pressed against yours as he whispered, “You're just too sexy, I can't resist you.”
He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you against him even closer, “You're unbelievable, vodka girl.”
He continued to move inside of you, his body pressing against yours, both your breathes heavy and ragged. “You feel so good. I can't get…” He couldn't find the words to speak as the pleasure continued to build up between you. He was close, and he knew you were close to the edge too. He groaned, his body shuddering, “You're so perfect. I can't hold back anymore. Say my name once again”
“Jack” you moan softly into his ear and the sound of your voice mixed with your hot breath into his ear make his body shudder with release, and he whispers your name back in your ear over and over as the waves of pleasure wash over him.
He collapses on top of you, panting and trying to catch his breath, “You're incredible, Y/N. I wasn't expecting anything like this tonight.” You try to catch your breath as you pull the hem of your dress down again and pull your panties back to their place. He gently rolls onto his back beside you, still catching his breath, and turns to look at you as he removes the condom and pulls his pants up. He smiles, his eyes still holding a hint of desire and satisfaction. “You're quite the troublemaker, vodka girl.” he teased, brushing a loose strand of hair out of your face with his free hand.
“I could same the same about you, whiskey guy.”
He chuckled, rolling onto his side to face you. “Me, a troublemaker? I'm innocent.” he says, giving you an mock innocent look before grinning and reaching out to trace a finger along your cheek, “You're the one who got me all worked up, pretty girl.”
As a little bit of reasoning thinking washes over you, you say: “Maybe we should get back to the party now, we can't risk someone seeing us lying down on the garden.” He sighs, reluctantly agreeing “You're right. We can't risk getting caught.”
He sits up, buckling his belt and straightening his hair, before making a knot on the used condom and putting it into his pocket. “Well, this is kinda gross” he laughs and offers you the other hand. “But let's head back in and try to look innocent.” You take his hand while laughing and get up.
He leads you back to the inside, his hand still holding yours. As you enter the room again, you both try to act nonchalant, like nothing happened, but nobody seems to have noticed your absence either way. He whispers to you, trying not to attract attention, “We gotta act natural, vodka girl. Don't want to raise suspicion.” The fact that he’s worrying now when he’s then one that initiated the whole thing makes you chuckle and you say “I think we’re in the clear now”
He chuckles too, the tension of getting caught slowly fading away. “You’re right, looks like we’re in the clear” he agreed after looking around the room. “So, I think I should try to get back to the boring conversations, but before I go, can I get your number?” he asked and after you gave it to him and got back to work, he spent the rest of the night thinking about you, looking around the room, hoping to get a glance of you.
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how do you clone a fey? that's trick question; and fey love those!
@the-navistar-carol (<333) brought up a good point while I was talking about my changeling danny au with her -- Dani! How would she exist in this au? Danny's a changeling - a fae. How would Dani, a clone of him, be created? How do you make a fey? Not through any means that Vlad is doing; you can't make a fey through unnatural means, considering the Fair Folk are nature. And Vlad's not a fey himself -- he's a halfa, even if he could make a fey, it's not in his best interest too. He's a powerful ghost, but even the weakest fae can overpower the strongest ghost. He won't want a clone of Daniel to be more powerful than him.
(In a three tier hierarchy it goes Ancients -> Fae/Mythos -> Ghosts. They all live in the Infinite Realms, but on different Planes. The fae live above the Ghost Zone in the Fey Wild, while the Mythos live beside the Wilds or down in the ghost zone depending on where they are. Places like the Frozone, the Athens Acropolis, and other such large islands climb throughout all three Planes.)
(While Ghosts can travel into the Fey Wild, its generally advised against as the ectoplasm tends to manifest differently there due to close contact magic. It can make it rather disorientating for a ghost, and as human spirits, the Fae living there would jump them faster than they could blink. So unless you're willing to play mind games with 'steal thy name eat thy face' fae, most ghosts keep out of the way of the Wilds. Fey can travel down into the Ghost Zone, they just don't bother.)
That's of course, not taking into account if Vlad even knows Danny's a fae himself. Vlad doesn't ring me as someone who really cares much about ghost culture or the going ons of the GZ. He might be aware that fae exist, but the moment he realizes he can't use them for personal gain he just doesn't bother with them. The risk is greater than the reward, and he'd rather not get eaten. But lets assume he's aware by now that Danny is fey, and has to take that into account while cloning him.
So, how does Dani exist? Good question! Honestly; i'm not sure. She might not exist at all, or if she does, she's more halfa than fey. Vlad would need a lot of human dna and ectoplasm to balance out all that fae magic. He manages to steal DNA from Jack and Maddie to do it, and since Jack's fey ancestry is very dormant its much easier to use alongside Danny's DNA.
In turn, it results in a little girl whose more human-ghost hybrid than clone. With that little extra boost in fey magic making her not a fey, but still relatively powerful. Dani is less of a clone and more of a lab-grown little sister. It's a rather tedious, complex process that has Vlad tearing his hair out trying to figure out. But he does eventually figure it out.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#changeling danny au#danielle fenton#danny phantom#still no mention of DPXDC yet so i'm adding the DP tags if thats alright lmao#how do you clone a fey? trick question! you can't. you can only make something that's not-quite fey but has ties to them.#dani's fey ancestry is an ounce of water compared to the bucket of everything else. which is more than the drop in the pond compared to jac#but not quite as powerful as changeling daniel. whose more fey than human at this rate. which is very fun to think about in terms of#his rogues haha. imagine going into the human realm about to cause chaos only to come face to face with a baby fey. a changeling.#i'd simply pass away a second time. where is your parent. human raised or otherwise?? are they nearby??? shit i thought fey hated urban#cities. what are YOU doing here baby man. im going to get eaten holy fuck. that's so many teeth.#. oh. oh you think you're a ghost. hm. hmhm. i can work with that. lets just. make sure you keep thinking that okay :) great :))#like jumpscare dude. i just saw my afterlife flash before my eyes. hello unsupervised fey child. holy fuck are you teeny tiny.#vlad probably uses some of his own dna to get the halfa effect so really dani's more of a lab grown *half* sister. Danny's gonna end up#stealing her anyways in the end. his sister now :). non-human danny my beloved#catch me using fey and fae interchangeably. my bad#some food for thought sorry if its hard to understand.#steal thy name. eat thy face fey
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Talia saying Jason with 24 hours and a survival kit, fresh from the pit, couldn't be tracked by Ra's is interesting
And oopsies I liveblogged all of lost days in the tags of this post
#lot more words of being pit mad floating about. wonder how to weave that into my interpretation of jason well#and without getting rid of all his choices#because it IS interesting. but its such a shame when its used to take away everything from jason himself#also WOW! He looks so small#dc liveblog#immediately going in to explode batman no hesitation at all dang#he found out the joker was alive and got to work#oh that is impressive patience to get to the Batmobile#love when jason gets written as calculated and patient for his plans. heart emoji#not sure how to feel about jasons insistence on wanting to kill bruce yet. need to figure that one out#need to chew on the idea more#Ra's AND talia thinking hes a curse on the world..... and hes only like a few days or something post pit. guy of all time#oh talia convinced him to do guns in order to stall him thats fun#oh no talia what are they doing to you#i am actively updating these tags while reading through#oh! fun! i love when jason sets everything on fire and is one step ahead#im liking lost days more than i thought. if i ignore the bad parts#theres bad parts#jason is a fast learner but man is he a fast learner here#teachers: surveillance. small arms. close combat. bombs. sniper/guns#toxins. how to main/kill in a fight#and about a month on all of em usually#we should talk about the fact jason can vomit on command more#oh hey his iconic knife is meant to be a replica of Ra's#thats neat#and add in the annual 25 dialogue where where one theory was the pit made him like ras#thats an interesting line. dont think they went down that path though#jason with a beard or stubble freaks me out. something wrong there#and i do believe theyre comparing him to the joker at the end there thats fun#wonder if i should watch the utrh movie now
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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Man nobody told me the comedown from a manic episode lasts like a year
Makes sense now I guess lmao
#1st month or 2 of ed edd n eddy obsession was pure mania btw lol#im at the uhhhh coming back up from the bottom of the mariana trench part of that whole process#you shoulda seen me in january it was bad lol#well i suppose yall did its not like i went anywhere#idk#too much info? idk maybe#well it was either that shit from december that lastes 2 or 3 months or a few weeks ago#i think a few weeks ago was something different tho idk#too much info#fuck it whatevr#i always send these posts 2 the drafts#too much shit happened between then and now jeez#you shouldve seen me when i was first going on my deviantart crusades#i was at the height of my entire fuckin life for the 1st few hours and then id find out about some sort of eene lost fan-media#and i would just BREAK down#and i did this over and over until something in me just broke#idk it was weird for a minute#ill take it aw a win though because my art improved a SHIT ton from that#gotta get back on that rapid improvement thing that was crazy#i think ive gotta start actually leatning stuff now lol#my ass has just now realized i can do thumbnail sketches#ive literally been publishing my first pass on all my ideas up till now#like maybe. i should try using effort....... waow#i need to go to ART CLASSES fuck#man you have to be an arts major to take any of the art classes its totally lame#STEM AND ARTS GO TOGETHER INHERENTLY!!!!!!!! STOP GATEKEEPING CREATIVITY ILL KILL YOU sorry#mildly hyperbolic here#graghhhrrr#i hate being employed theyre using up my entire brain#better not frizzle out before i finally get the chance to make cartoons
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😵
#guysssssss..... im sentinelbrained again.........#maybe next time ill get into something a single other person likes too but today is not that day#i feel bad yapping about this show to anyone directly cause it really is not that Good but. i am having sososo much fun with it#its such a good time#im on the third season and well it turns out the main character stoic cop guy has an evil toxic dad and some major daddy issues#and in this ep hes doing like. the whole 'you didnt want me to be different you made me feel like a freak but this is who i am this is me'#and like. yea its about the sentinel thing but u are also the man living with your Super Special boy bestie#who serial killers use as bait to lure you out like weekly and who you got a soul bond with and stuff so. could be nothing really#all the acting in this show is so like. i mean its not Bad bad but its very exaggerated at times fshsjsj and its so much fun#every episode has a 10minute chase scene#and these gaudy half fade commercial break title cards#so sillyy its so sillyyyy aagh#my post#anyways#you guys are lucky the sentinel tag here is so hard to navigate cos otherwise youd be getting another spamming of gifs right about now#theres a bunch of scenes where you only realize halfway through that sandburgs there too cos jim and simon are so tall compared to him#and he doesnt get any lines anyway. and it always makes me laugh#every single ep has a side charcater with one ear pierced. sandburg has one ear pierced. jim has one ear pierced. everyone does its the 90s#the music is so obnoxious and theyre playing it All the time and its the funniest thing#and the sound bites when jims using his Sentinel Senses are even funnier#anyway ye its not a good show and its not anywhere and nobody knows it but. i like it soso much#the constant slo-mo when something Dramatic happens too omfg can we bring it back
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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boutta start ordering rocks online again just to feel alive
#im joking#but also man my days are so boring right now#struggle to wake up at 5;30 stumble out of bed at 8 maybe if i'm lucky#stare at computer screen listlessly and maybe get stuff done#most exciting part of my day is when i get to chat with my bf for a little bit in the afternoon#and then when people get home so i get to say hi for a few minutes b4 they're off doing stuff (fair)#and then i get ready to go to bed at 9:20pm after i feed my cat and it begins anew#i have got to get back into one of my hobbies or something the tedium is getting to me rly badly#need 2 get that work desk so i can do crafts in the craft room or make one idc#also the weather has been truly abysmal since we moved#hot and in the 90s and obscenely humid so i can't really muster up the willpower to want to go on a hike#augh#personal stuff#i think it's also bc i was just on an amazing fun 5000 mile road trip where i was constantly looking at new stuff and talking and having fu#and now im home and its boring here and i can't look at mesas and kiss my boyfriend and do fun activities all day every day#its like my brain is a rubber band that was stretched to the max over the course of that trip by sheer amount of enrichment#and now that i'm back home the amt of enrichment is so so much less that the brain rubber band is just loose n floppy#at least for now while it gets used to what is a much more normal amount of enrichment
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know that if i ship a character with one incarnation of the doctor, it automatically extends to all of them. i can’t be held back.
#this is why war/river rotstes in my brain constantly#its like. this is the part of himself he drove out of his mind. out of his history. locked down so tight because he couldn’t look at it.#and so much of river is. so much of her she cannot look directly at. she can only use it. she was trained as a child assassin? then she’ll#use that to get herself out of any situation. because she couldn’t. once upon a time. she couldn’t. but she can now.#but that gravity well of the inescapable past that hurt you worse than anything ever could. they could find something there.#common ground. perhaps. and the war doctor is rough but he is not unkind.#he did not close his eyes and think of the children that would be lost and make the choice with a cold heart.#he could not save them on his own. and river could not be saved. but they must go on. they must.#and in the same way that river knows the doctor’s name. the fact that she carries a picture of this face alongside the others. that she#knows this part of him exists is important to me.#also she should get to kiss that old man#but mostly its about the shared understanding of how they were shaped into the person they are. the thing that would make someone look at#their past and decide they have to be Other than a person. an oncoming storm. or a psychopath. because how can you be just a person and live#with what happened to you. better to give yourself a word for others to view you as. rather than let them see something you didn’t plan for.#there’s much to dig into here i swear im not insane
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goddammit all that LV worldbuilding has lead me to creating a scene in my head that now has me wondering if i have to put a plot-important sex scene in what will be a main-storyline arc instead of a fade to black or disconnected easily-skippable oneshot
#theres a point where the guy HAS to get some energy out and the bf is RIGHT THERE ...........................#sigh. a bit ago i made a lil agreement with myself that actual sex stuff wouldn't really be in the main plot outside of allusions#and that anything Real would stay in epilogue fics & oneshots#but now im like. man. there is something here that i can use!!!! but its like im still in the mindset of writing as a young teen!!!!#too scared to make other ppl uncomfortable with MY OWN DAMN STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHEN will my brain catch up that other people finding selfcest weird is a skill issue on THEIR part fucks SAKE!!!!!!!!#laying facedown on the ground . as if thats not the entire reason i made this blog in the first place 😔#every time i go on atbb and the pinned rules reminds me of a time that is not necessary anymore#im GROWN NOW !!!! I NEED NOT RESTRICT MYSELF ANY LONGER#but my AUDIENCE..................#ppl said it was refreshing that i had selfcest where everything wasnt about sex and obv it still wont be but that is IN MY BRAIN FOREVER#AUUYHGHGHGHGH SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THIS 14 YEAR OLD OUT OF MY HEAD SO EDGE CAN FINALLY GET DICKED DOWN COME ONNNNNN
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Unfortunately that kitten had to go back to her foster mom who. I am pretty sure is going to be fired from the shelter we work with because holy fuck she was The worst -_- god she was cute tho im glad i got to spend time with her today
#like at first she was here with her mom who was a beautiful grey cat#but. she was not doing well. something was very wrong. she didnt move at all the entire day#she had brown pus in her eyes#her breathing was uneven. all she could do was move her eyes around really#so we called her to say we need you to come pick her up and get her checked out because she is really sick#and this bitch snaps at us like 'okay well actually shes fine' and just complains at us for making her come back to get her#and we're like. ok man like your cat is very ill sorry for being concerned about not only her health but her babys health too#let ALONE the health of allll the other animals that come into our store + families petting her that may bring back the illness to their own#animals...#anyway so they finally come back to pick her up and its two of them. one is level headed and the other was the bitch lol#like my coworker had taken them out and was sanitizing the cage and she goes 'well thats STUPID theyre from the same home'#and we start to explain that it doesnt fckin matter were doing what we can to keep the kitten as healthy as possible#but luckily het sister or whoever it was cut her off and was like 'nono thats what they should do. thats what vets do im glad theyre doing#that' and then she was like yelling and yada yada yada#anyway. they FINALLY turn to leave but just before she turns around and goes 'oh by the way i brought another cat to replace the mom.#just dont expect him to be bubbly since you expect cats to be so energetic. hes 9'#like. first of all. its fucking insane that you briught another cat in the first place cuz what happens if the kitten is already sick now#second of all. she adds 'also they havent met each other yet. bye'#LIKE WHAT!!!!!!! THE FUCK DO YOU M3AN THEY HAVENT MET EACH OTHET#YOU JUST LEAVE US WITH ONE POSSIBLY INFECTED KITTEN ANNND A SENIOR CAT THAT HASNT EVEN MET THIS KITTEN???!?!?!?#and were supposed to just leave them together overnight and hope for the best???? BITCH#so yeah anyway we ended up having to call the shelter who called the foster mom Again. thankfully her sister showed up to take them both#but then her fckin sister didnt even tell her she was supposed to take bith cats it was sooo. what a night man#just wow lol#thank u 4 coming to my pet store rant
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Quite honestly, i think people just dont like to acknowledge how many times i have been victimized bc it doesnt work for their narrative of the Scary Bad Trans Guy With No Regard For Others And Likes To Kick Puppies And Doesnt Know Real Pain Or Trauma
#bc otherwise yall would have to feel bad about putting me through way more additional unnecessary trauma on here#and i swear its yall who believe everything my abuser says about me. you need to tell yourself its true that i did the shit they accuse me#of and theyre just this pure uwu innocent pewson who doews no wongg umu#yall dont wanna except ive been through hell bc then you gotta accept youve put me through additional unnecessary hell that only warped my#perception worse of a community i thought i was fuckin part of and accepted in but apparently tf not#like you only have yourselves to blame for that shit. for why i hate online queer spaces now.#man it would just suck so so hard for your narrative if i was actually abused as much as i say and my abusive x was actually lying about me#bc otherwise how will you pretend trans men never ever experience any issues ever?#like i dont need to look. ik im one of the main blogs yall like to target and put on blast for transandrophobia stuff bc im super fuckin#outspoken about my shit (nevermind that yall never directly confront me). i already know thats how it is bc theres ppl on here who have a#apparently deep interest in constantly hating me and trying to find reasons im wrong. so when i say something is bad they habe to act like#its good actually somehow. and ik it all roots back to my abuser. there is literally no other reason i can think of that would mame ppl#that invested in hating me unless they believe everything my ex says. so undoubtedly theres ppl in my exs spaces who believe#transandrophobia is fake men arent oppressed ever etc etc. i digress. but ik its yall who've propped this whole shit up#ik its yall who put me on blast for this first and triwled to spread it that i was one of the Big Bad Names in the transandrophobia spaces#so ik yall use me as an example. ik you tell people i lie about everything. ik you tell people i exaggerate. ik you tell people im crazy#ik you tell ppl they cant trust me or rely on me and spread all the bs my ex says about me and even spreads their abuse toward me further#by even doing that shit. yall NEED to keep believing that im the Big Bad Trans Guy that you think i am bc otherwise your whole worldview#falls tf apart. everything you've been standing on online about how trans mascs who believe in transandrophobia are bad would fall apart.#if i am really as fuckin abused and victimized as i say. suddenly you dont get to use me as the example for Bad Transandrophobia Believer#and I KNOW thats the only reason yall choose not to listen or believe us. its LITERALLY just because you're choosing a side in a personal#relationship situation. ik it has nothing to do with politics for plenty of you. you're taking a side and shitting out reasons for why you#did after the fact.#if you really care about politics n shit you should listen to ALL THE OTHER TRANS MEN TALKING ABOUT THIS#besides using one person as your example for why you shouldnt believe people who believe this is a thing.#i mean. even aside the fucking fact that its all bs. if yall dont wanna believe me. whatever. you can get traumatized by them if you want#idefc at this point. if you actually care about politics as much as you say you gotta engage w people in good faith and uh maybe try n#listen to the SWATHES of other trans guys who also talk about this shit and thinks its real.
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So passed the sword of the Barrow-downs, work of Westernesse. But glad would he have been to know its fate who wrought it slowly long ago in the North-kingdom when the Dúnedain were young, and chief among their foes was the dread realm of Angmar and its sorcerer king. No other blade, not though mightier hands had wielded it, would have dealt that foe a wound so bitter, cleaving the undead flesh, breaking the spell that knit his unseen sinews to his will.
#lotr newsletter#eucatastrophe#this is something I've always loved about Tolkien. ok 'no man can kill' the witchking but because of his love for theoden#there's a halfling here with a sword that just so happens to want his blood like nobody's business#and a woman with her own issues and her own love for theoden ready to stab that sob in the face whatever the consequences#it's not a magic answer to a magic problem but a natural progression of these characters' journeys that they are here now to do this#and its not narrative 'magic' that they kill the witchking but his own arrogance that he forgets that he cant outrun who he used to be#lol im so tired and 5 days behind. i hope that makes sense XD
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Looks up wikihow for what to do when you realize your office has 5x the amount of budget of every other executive office combined
#fun fact the president gets the least! reaffirming the idea they do jack shit#maybe i shouldnt condemn gabby to that but also sorry maam you are not being evpsa as long as our nepo baby linenof succession#has anything to say about it 😔😔 maybe you could be dod one day#like i am the outlier that only happened because the ACTUAL nepo baby backed out last minute#so they had to speedrun my nepo babiness#anyways the genuine nepo baby route (me) is one i’d like to aboid because as one of the people involved it sucks !!!!!#anyways sorry abt my boss telling you could do it even though youve already been elected to senate and my boss terms out in 3 days!#(and ????????????)#but thats a conversation i dont want to have so it will be unsaid unless you talk to me ! sorry i will be prioritizing those whove been here#and doing the work for 2+ years i think thats actually how this is Supposed to work when you don’t make all your core staff seniors @my boss#i’ll be real they were insane for that like im insane for swinging the exavt opposite way but ALL YOUR CORE STAFF???? you left your juniors#in the fucking DUST man now you have nepo baby times and everyones like but you can do it SHUT UP im a nepo baby#to be fair its good we didn’t fast track the person we did bc WHEW issues but the thing is the person who got left with all these issues is#ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not any of the people whove been dealing with them for 3+ years so THANKS IG!!!!!!!!!#some ppl really dont grow up with the ideals of making sure you are leaving something for those after you huh like dont get me wrong#the work we DO considers those who comes after us bc thats how advocacy works but our OFFICE has none of that in terms of like#staff and stuff like some of the staff choices this year were 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 everyone went into fall confused as hell#bc WHO TF WAS GOING TO RUN like even before i was properly involved THIS ISSUE EXISTED !!! you guys just got lucky i existed#and lucky that im a pushover that does whatever those around me tell me too like i am remembering i DIDNT WANT THIS JOB!!!! it took both#the person i consider my mentor and the person who i consider who i want to be when i grow up telling me to do it b4 i even considered it#so DONT TELL RANDOS THEY CAN HAVE A PLACE IN (MY) OFFICE!!! I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!!! do you know what a bitch hiring is going 2 b#anyways :’) can everyone tell i am So Excited for this job :’)) if it turns out we’ve had a budget of 300k this WHOLE TIME like#i had been SAYING WE DID bc its my JOB to Know it and it was THERE and we’ve been acting like we had 150 i’ll lose it#v.txt
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standing in the kitchen doing daily training stuff with my dog thinking about how in iron age egypt someone probably specialized in training working dogs and we'll never know what they did or what their names were. but we know in places with large amounts of livestock bones theres also countless dog bones.
#tongue#i keep having these existential moments where i think about people#maybe its bc ive been reading and watching a lot of stuff about anthropology lately#but its so easy to look at paintings and releif carvings and just feel nothing#theyre so far removed from us#but rheyre still us#they loved and lost and were stupid and awful and loving and brilliant#and we loved dogs so much that we domesticated them likely before we were even homosapians#dogs look to our hands when we talk they bond with us like our own babies bond to us#theyre eager to learn and we knew that we could tell even when we dont speak the same language#dogs became more expressive because humans became like bonded to the canines that were#the ones that sat with their ears back and eyes trained on yours with a wagging tail got more people food#and now my dog is sitting here with his ears back all smooshed against my legs begging for my poptart#i love humans man im literally sitting here crying while typing LMAO#like i made a post forever ago on my old blog anout onfim and like#and you can tell neanderthal parents lifted their babies to the roofs of caves so they could paint something up there too#I GET LIKE THIS EVERY TIME I GET INTO ANTHROPOLOGY IM SORRY#PALEONTOLOGY ALWAYS LEADS ME BACK THERE BUT I LOVE DINODSURS MAN I CANT STOP MYSELF
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