#but now idk if ill be able to see him before i leave for second semester

[reidmania]

A thousand sorrys

miguel o’hara

summary : when you overhear miguel say some not nice things about you while under the influence, and pressure of his friends, you decide to distant yourself

warning: ANGST AGNST ANSGT. fluffy ending tho i think, mentions of swearing, overthinking, idk, established relationship, pregnancy

you walked around the HQ with a small spring in your step, which was nothing out of the ordinary really. you knew miguel had been working hard lately, and had been not doing a very good job of taking care of himself.

so being the caring person you care, you had brought him his favourite food, which was in the white takeout box in your hand, spa gift vouchers in your pocket, and a little something else, all that you wanted to give miguel tonight, you hadn’t been home in nearly a week, staying at your parents to help with your dad who had fallen ill

walking to his office, you see lyla there, “hey lyla, miguel in there?” you ask softly, she replies. “no, he is upstairs at the bar with a few friends” you nodded

you wondered which friends that was, but much to ur surprise when you walk into the bar, you don’t recognise them, they definitely aren’t from here, peering over you notice miguels glass empty, so you walk over to the bar without them noticing you to order miguel a new drink, close enough you can hear the conversation, but you don’t really pay it any mind

until your name gets brought up.

“so that little girlfriend of yours, y/n?” one of the guys said. “what about her?” miguel asked, you second guess buying the drink, you could hear the slur in his words, telling you he is basically already drunk, you can’t help but wonder why he didn’t correct the boy, you’re his wife.

“she follows you around like a puppy, clinging to you all the time” you frown, your back still turned to them. you loved miguel, of course you wanted to be around him.

“yeah- is that not really fucking annoying?” another guy pitches in. you wait for miguel to defend you.

but it doesn’t happen.

“yeah it is, she just- doesnt get the hint that i want her to leave me alone, so annoying” miguel slurs and hiccups all the way through his sentence.

you try to convince yourself its just because he is drunk, but you have always stood by drunk words sober thoughts. as the bartender meets you, you want to scram.

“hey y/n, what can i get for you” he says softly, the music is loud enough, you pray miguel didn’t hear him just say your name, but thankfully he didn’t. “you know. im okay actually” you mutter, he nods before moving on.

you walk away from the bar as quickly as possible. going back to yours and miguels shared home. however you find yourself taking a few things and walking to the guest bedroom.

did you really cling to him? it was something you always worried about but he told you he loved how clingy you are.

you we’re left to ponder your thoughts for a few hours.

miguel sobered up a bit once his friends left, finding his way back to his office now in his right mind, he didn’t even remember much but he knew he had a lot to drink to have to deal with them.

they just weren’t the type of people he enjoyed being around anymore, and when they show up unannounced and uninvited it made it difficult to avoid any longer.

“y/n was here, she left you something on your desk” lyla said as miguel approached. “y/n is here?” he instantly perked up, looking around, he had missed you so so much.

“she was, she said she looked for you but couldn’t find you so she went home” miguel frowned, normally you would wait in his office, but you mustve been tired.

“thanks lyla” he said, before making his way into his office, he walked over to his desk, smile making its way onto his face as he saw the takeout box, he looked down, picking up the pieces of paper, spa trips, together.

he felt himself relax more immediately, knowing he would be able to get that quality time with you after not being with you for so long.

he couldn’t wait to get home.

you had come to the ultimate decision after a few hours, if miguel thought you were so clingy, you would give him space, but the idea of being in the same house as him made your stomach churn, how could you look at him while knowing he thinks youre too clingy and annoying.

so you right a quick note, and leave it on the fridge with a magnet, taking fresh close, and leaving.

the note wasn’t a lie, everything on it was true, the only difference is, if you hadn’t heard what miguel said, you wouldve declined.

when miguel got home, he was disappointed not to see you straight away. he absolutely hated being away from you, he missed hugging you, and kissing you, and hearing your voice and seeing you smile.

he called out your name but couldn’t hear a response. he quickly went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water, noticing the note on the fridge, which wasn’t there before.

‘im sorry i couldn’t see you, mom called and said that dad had gotten worse and they still needed more help, so i got some new clothes and stuff and i’ll probably be home in a week or so, ill still show up to work because i know this is an extra week away, but ill be there, i just wont be home, i tried to look for you at the HQ, but couldn’t find you. the spa tickets with go out of date in a week, so you can find someone else to go with, im sorry”

be safe

y/n’

he frowned, feeling his stomach fill with a unfamiliar feeling, that he couldn’t explain. while he hoped your dad was okay, he missed his wife, so insanely much and he wanted nothing more than to hold you.

he reread the letter, noticing you didn’t add your ‘i love you spider boy’ at the bottom like you normally do on every note you right. he assumes you were in a rush.

he will see you tomorrow, at work.

you shouldve come to miguels office by now, he thinks. it’s almost noon and you come in at least a couple times a day just to sit and talk, but you haven’t, he hasn’t seen you, but he knows you’re there.

and lunch he decides to find you himself.

you feel a soft hand on your back, looking behind you, and up, you see miguel, you stiffen immediately. “hey bonita.” he mutters softly, “hey” you reply, moving away from his touch but you make it seem like youre just waiting to get the next food item.

“missed you” he says, wrapping his arms around you, from behind. you want to reply and tell him how much you miss him but you don’t. as you get the next food, miguel releases you from his arms, you face him.

“hows your dad?” he asked softly. “i think he is okay” you reply. miguel frowns, you don’t see happy to see him — but you have a lot going on, maybe youre just stressed.

“do you want to come have lunch in my office, missed talking to you” he says softly, grabbing your hand. “im sorry miguel, i promised jess id sit with her” you say, miguel frowns. “its alright, ill see you later?” he says, placing a kiss on your forehead. “sure- maybe” you mutter. “i love you” he says, but you just walk away, he tells himself you just didn’t hear him.

he doesn’t see you later that day.

the rest of the week is the same, you avoid him, always busy, doing something. he can’t help to feel like there’s something bigger.

he hears the front door open, late saturday night, he instantly perked up. for you, the last week has been filled with self doubt and hatred. finding it impossible to get out of your own head. youre mother had to actually kick you out, to get you to go home.

“baby?” miguel calls out as he leaves his office, he sees you in the door way, duffle bag over your shoulder. “hey” you say, as you continue walking to the bedroom to unpack your stuff.

“y/n” he says as you avoid his touch once more. “miguel” you say in the same tone, he follows you to the bedroom.

“whats going on?” he asks softly, wanting nothing more then to fix what he had done. “miguel.” you say, almost in a way that screams i dont want to talk about it.

“i know its more then just your dad, whats going on, what did i do wrong?” he asks, desperate for an answer. you run your hands through your hair.

“nothing miguel” you say. he frowns. “stop calling me that” he says.

“stop calling you your name?” you ask, sitting on the bed, looking up at him, you looked so tired miguel almost dropped it. “you never call me my name, its always baby or my love what did i do” he is desperate.

“oh sorry, am i being annoying?” you ask, miguel raised his eyebrow at your tone, “what do you mean?” he asks, pure confusion.

you shake your head. “i heard you miguel, in the bar with your friends, who obviously hate me. “im too clingy and annoying right?”

miguel feels a punch to his gut, but its not physical. “baby - no - no no no” he says, trying to grab your hands, but you pull them away.

“stop- miguel. i can leave you alone, i can stop following you around, and talking so much all the time”

“no don’t stop, please don’t stop” he is stressing, he fucked up and bad and he was losing you and he was panicking, “i love when you follow me and i love hearing you talk, i promise- i swear i do”

“obviously not”

“y/n- please just hear me out”

“i asked you so many times if i was too clingy or annoying and you said no, every single time and said you loved it, my biggest insecurity miguel- and you hate it, and you lied to me and said that you didn’t, but also talked about me behind my back, you’re supposed to be my husband” you say, shaking your head.

“i am your husband- i didn’t lie to you- i don’t- i dont hate it at all, i love it, i really do i love when youre close to me and i fucking hate when youre not” he says.

“stop miguel- i heard what you said”

“baby i was out of my mind drunk, you know why you have never met them, because i fucking hate them, i let them influence me every fucking time. they had been riling me up about going soft all fucking day since they arrived and i needed them to stop, im sorry, im so sorry i said it, i didn’t mean it, i didn’t mean any of it and im sorry.”

you frown, you do believe him, he had told you about these friends before and how they always have a way of getting to him before he can even stop it, and they weren’t important to him.

but you we’re still hurt.

“miguel- i need time” you say, he shakes his head, “youve had a week, please just stay home, stay with me and we can fix this”

“i know we can fix this miguel- im just extremely tired right now and i don’t want to be mean” you say, laying in the bed, on your side facing him.

“im sorry, im so so so sorry” he says, getting into bed next to you. “please forgive me, bonita, i miss you clinging to me so so so much, i miss having you in my arms and kissing your lips, hearing you laugh- i cant lose you.”

you sigh, half asleep as you listen to him. “you won’t miguel” you say.

the words linger on your tongue before you open your mouth, “im pregnant miggy” you say, before falling asleep.

when you wake up, you look to your side at the digital clock, gasping when you realise youre three hours late at the HQ, whats worse, is that miguel is in bed next to you, staring at the ceiling also late to work.

“miguel- we are so late” you mutter, sitting up. but miguel doesn’t move. “miguel- get up,” you say, “we’re not going, i called us in sick” he says, little emotion in his tone. “what- miguel what?” you shake your head.

“you’re pregnant” you forgot what you said last night in the last moment before falling asleep. “oh- miggy- i can still go in- so can you”

“you didn’t tell me” he muttered, frowning. “how long have you known?” he asks, you frown. “two weeks, im a month in.” you say softly.

“i came to the HQ, the day i came back.. i left the test in your draw but i guess you didn’t see it.” you say softly.

“we’re having a baby” he says, before he smiles. “we are having a baby, our baby.” you smile seeing his face.

“im sorry miguel, i shouldn’t have avoided you” you mutter, miguel shakes his head “no- you don’t apologise. im sorry, im so so so sorry that i said all that shit and let them get to me, im sorry i made you believe it.”

[brrrkdslek]

UM O E O

𖡎 youtube clips of ateez member, m/n that has atinys barking and rolling on the floor.

𖡎 ateez x 9th member! male! reader

𖡎 fluff, angst, idk slay???

𖡎 bullying, harassment, blood n gore(oop)

𖡎 2.8k

clip 1 — m/n standing up for ateez on variety show

ateez along with the mcs laughed at the jokes as they continued, "if i were a member of ateez, what position would suit me best?" the members looked around and whispered amongst each other before hongjoong spoke up, "i don't know, but i think you'd do great..."

everyone laughs at the captain's statement as he shrinks in embarrassment. the mc puffs out his chest, "i think i'd be able to handle m/n's position." jongho blinks in surprise, "you can handle being main vocalist and main dancer...?" the other mc retaliated, "yeah, he thinks he can! what about it!?"

you only smile, knowing how much these people underestimate your hardwork. wooyoung speaks, "but his position is very hard, m/n actually plays a huge part in our choreography too!" wooyoung nudges you, "tell them!" you giggle at wooyoung's excitement.

"okay. so, when our tracks release, let's say for our comeback song, bouncy. i would improv it once and record it, then i would mark down some move which i think would collaborate well with the song, and then i'd work out the full choreo with the choreographer-"

the mc cut you off, "i still think i'd be able to do it though! maybe even better than you!" it came out in a joke tone but you could hear the underlying saltiness the man had with you, why's he so reluctant on bullying you???

you brush through your long hair before breaking the awkward silence, "well, who's position on the team do you agree with the least and why?" the mc perked up as he spoke loudly, "i think i would be the visual." mingi had to physically hold back a snort from beside you, "i honestly don't think seonghwa should be the visual at all."

wooyoung held back a gasp as san glared at the mc from afar. yunho turned to seonghwa and he only blinked in surprise, jongho gulped as he sees your vessel popping out in your neck, the tips of your ears turning slightly red.

"hm, i see. then who do you think would be best for visuals?" mingi placed his hand in your lap, comforting you quietly as you sighed. "i think, maybe me?" the mc does some weird 'sexy' pose and the other mc applauses him while your members keep quiet.

you let out a loud laugh for a second before covering your mouth with your hand, "ah, i'm sorry!" the mc's face was blank, "what, do you think i can't be the visual!?" you look the man up and down, "are you sure you'll even make it past the audition?" 'oo's' and laughs were exchanged between your members as you and the mc only stared.

clip 2 — m/n toktoq live: response to the show

you were eating peacefully in your hotel room with your live on and singing to the atinys every now and then. "m/n, did you say that to the mc because you were mad?" you read out a question. pondering for a few seconds, you decide to answer honestly.

"yes, i was super mad, more that he insulted my members." you slurped the noodled as you spoke again, "listen, i don't mind if people insult or make fun of me. but i won't accept if anyone speaks ill of my members." you untie your bun, which had been messed up from how much you'd been moving around.

biting the hairtie between your teeth, you used your hands to fix a ponytail and spoke, "i can take any insults if it is directed to me," picking up the hairtie, you tie your hair into a bun and fixed your bangs, "but please, leave my members alone."

clip 3 — m/n going off at a saseang in the airport

you had your hood and mask on as you followed along your members in the airport. you always hated the airport since the amount of people surrounding you made you feel incredibly claustrophobic and annoyed.

you had just came back to korea from your long concert and is headed back to the company. during the trip, you felt someone poke you and turned around, "hyung..." jongho's face looks slightly paler, "are you alright, jjong?" you held onto his hand as he leaned onto your strong arm, "just a bit tired..."

you ruffled his hair, "let's get outta here as soon as possible, m'kay?" jongho nods as you kiss his head, following your other members.

as you neared the exits, the group began slowing down as more people surrounded ateez and pushed the mangers and even the members from time to time. you tsked and checked on jongho every few seconds to make sure he is still there.

you noticed a woman pulling on the hems of jongho's hoodie as you swatted her away, pulling his closer to you as you squeezed between the members. however, she came back and kept on trying to get his attention, making him incredibly uncomfortable.

you could feel jongho's hands tremble and twitch with every touch of the woman and you got increasingly angered. you even did as much as wrapping your entire arm around his waist and leaned your head on his shoulder, you know jongho likes when you do that, it made him feel relaxed and calm.

but of course the woman didn't fucking stop as san and mingi were trying their best to kindly push her off and not cause scene. you heard jongho continuously mumbled for her to get off but you weren't having any of it. you were on your last straw when she began pulling on his wrist, that's when you acted out.

you let go of jongho's hand quickly and went to the other side and shoved the woman, hard. she ended up tripping on her own feet and collapsing onto the ground. you could care less for the cameras that were capturing this moment, in fact, you wanted everyone to see.

"yah! what's wrong with you!?" the woman spoke as she fixed her hair and tried standing up, you used your feet to push her shoulder back down. "what's wrong with me? are you kidding me, lady? you had been touching jongho this entire time and you're asking me what's wrong with me?"

you let out a sarcastic laugh, "who do you think you are? did you think i wouldn't do anything cause there are cameras?" your members and managers made no move to stop you as they only watched, all silently agreeing that it is what she deserved.

you crouched down and leaned into her ear, "if there were no cameras, i would've beat your fucking face off. now get lost before i actually do that." the woman shifted away from you and scrambled to get up, running away in a hurry as she cried.

you got up and grabbed your bag before going back to jongho and holding his hand, "let's go?" he nodded as the managers lead you all to the van, the crowd becoming smaller after your sudden outburst.

as you got into the van, you never let go of jongho's hand as he leaned onto your shoulder, eyes getting heavier. "i'm sorry jjong. you must've been so scared..." he smiled, "but i wasn't." you blink in surprise, "really, why not?" he looks up at you and flashed that adorable gummy smile of his, "cause i knew you'd protect me."

clip 4 — angry m/n at kcon

you were performing as normal and was super excited for your upcoming high note part. you had a few lines before it and while you were singing, you found that your mic had disconnected or some shit, making you grumpy.

however, atinys thought you were doing a sexy concept and cheered excitedly watching you sing your part. the mic had become more and more annoying as you sang your part, proving to be useless.

during the few seconds of pause before your high note, your ripped the headset off and threw it onto the ground before hitting the high note perfectly, wowing the atinys at your impactful volume even without a mic.

clip 5 — m/n shoving paparazzis for getting too close

ateez was in america, dressed all nice for their interview with buzzfeed, and as they got off the van one by one, the members were bombarded with cameras flashing in their direction. it wouldn't have been a problem had they not been at hand's distance with the members faces.

you were the last to get off the van as one paparazzi had the audacity to shove his camera inside the van while you were getting off. so, being the good samaritan you are, you shoved the camera.

you shoved it forward so that it hit the paparazzi on his bald head, making the man scream curses at you as you walked into the building, smile never leaving your face.

clip 6 — yunho vs m/n

"yeah, and i got this last week-" "why does your hair look like that?" you turn to yunho looking pretty offended, "why does my hair look like... what?" yunho giggles, "like, like poo..." you deadpan to the camera before rolling your eyes, "why does my hair matter to you in the slightest bit?" he shrugs and bites into the dumpling.

"i dunno, i jus' think it looks better when it's down." you leaned down to slurp your noodles, "better than your crap coloured hair..." yunho's jaw drops as he tosses the wooden chopsticks on the table and stands up, "yah!"

you turn to him and look up, "why're you standing up??" he pouts, "my hair is NOT crap colour!" your forehead creases, "can you just sit down-" "at least i don't spend two hours every morning getting ready." you frown and stand up, growing more annoyed by the second.

"why're you picking a fight with me?" he rolls his eyes and cross his arms, mumbling something. "what'd you say?" looking down, yunho mumbles, "i'm not the one that throws headsets on stage..."

you had to blink a few times to process what he had said. "jeong yunho," the man stiffens and turns to you, "...what?" you stared at the man with the angry glare, making him shiver. "sit down right now and eat your food." as if on impulse, yunho's knees buckle and he plops back onto the armchair.

you side-eyed yunho for a few seconds before turning to the camera, with a large grin like you weren't just about to detached yunho's head from his body, "okay atinys, i think we have to cut the live short! have a good day!"

clip 7 — m/n noona revealed!

mingi bounced excitedly as he sat on the chair and waited for his questions, "has there been a time where your members has stood up for you?" mingi's eyes widen as he smiles, "yes!" he answers loudly.

"there was this time during a fansign when i was feeling really sick, m/n hyung noticed and tried to tell the staff but they wouldn't let me leave. i get it, cause they thought it would've been disrespectful and i told him that!

but he got so angry and only told me to take care of myself before he went back to the atinys. afterwards, he yelled and screamed at the managers!" mingi giggled, "it was really funny seeing them all just looking down like toddlers being scolded by their parents. i'm so grateful for m/n hyung!"

the other members including yourself smiles and giggled at the back as wooyoung spoke up, "you mean m/n noona?" you swatted the back of wooyoung's head as he only giggled, "that sounds so good!" mingi turned to look at wooyoung.

"right!?" "m/n noona!" jongho laughed, "m/n noona!" he leaned onto your shoulder as you only huffed, the rest of the members including hongjoong and seonghwa hyung also started calling you that.

clip 8 — fansign massacre!

it was a sunny day when ateez were in la, california for their fansign. hongjoong had asked the managers a few times for them not to do a fansign in such an area since america was a dangerous place as they could get stabbed and shot at any moment. however, the managers persisted.

the members were lined up in their seats in the order of their ages, with m/n squeezed between hongjoong and yunho. the venue was crowded with many atinys waving and screaming the member's names.

as the atinys sat in their designated seats, the fansign started. you were enthusiastic with a happy grin painting your face the entire time at all the pretty girls and boys that dressed up prettily to see you, it made your heart swell with pride.

suddenly, hongjoong leaned into your ear and whispered, "this one's sketchy, watch them closely." you blink in confusion before the next fan shifts in front of you.

you immediately get the memo as the person- you can't even tell the gender as their face was covered up with a mask and hoodie. you force a smile as you tried to bring up some conversation, "so, uh... how long have you been a fan?"

"i'm not," your eyes widen, "how long is each member?" you were shocked as it took you a second to respond, "f-five minutes." afterwards, you and the person only stared at each other before the time ran out.

you suddenly got a feeling in your gut something bad was about to happen. you were constantly turning to yunho who was on your left conversing with said person. why were they being so friendly with yunho only?

"are you alright?" the atiny asked as you brushed some sweat from your forehead and focused back on the fan, but making sure to keep an eye on yunho.

as the timer ran out, the atinys shifted seats again but the person never moved from in front of yunho. you felt your heart rate increased as the person stayed unmoving, the staff were already on high alert of this person after seonghwa's turn.

yunho's eyes widen in fear as the person abruptly pulled out a dagger and stood up, leaning forward to graze yunho. yunho leaned backwards, closing his eyes as yeosang reaching out to stop the person, everything was moving too quickly as m/n instinctively reached out.

yunho cracked his eyes open as he fell backwards onto his butt at the sight in front of him; you holding the dagger with your bare hand, gripping it so hard your veins were visible on your forearm. wooyoung almost threw up at the sight of your blood running down your arm.

everyone around you was panicked including the person as the crowd screamed and pushed around each other, but your face was stern. you stared straight into the person with half-lidded eyes, showing no sign of emotions even though your hand was burning from pain.

no one dared to move, not even the members or managers as you slowly spoke in english, "what," your eyebrows creased, "do you think you're doing?" your grip tightened as the person's grip on the handle loosened, stumbling backwards as he fell.

the staff immediately emerged from the shadows and pinned down the person, making sure to call the police. you violently threw the dagger onto the ground, making everyone jump as you wiped your bloody hand on your white tank top, eyes never leaving the attackers.

you squatted down and pulled their hoodie down, "if i see your face again," grabbing a fistful of their hair, you yanked the person so close your noses almost touched. they yelped in pain and gripped your wrist, "i'll kill you with this damn knife, got it?"

the person began to cry as you shoved their face away, grimacing as the staff dragged the person backstage. the manager came to you with first-aid and asked if you were okay. you brushed them off as you jogged to yunho, who was still sat on the ground.

you cup his cheeks in your hand as you turn his head left and right, "yun! are you okay? are you hurt?" yunho's eyes watered as his bottom lip quivered, "ah- i got blood on your cheek," you pulled your right hand away and wiped the blood with the back of your hand.

yunho stopped your movement and held onto your wrist, pulling his head into your chest as he silently sobbed, mumbling 'sorry's' and 'it's my fault's'. you kissed his head and patted his back, "no, i'm sorry i was a second too late."

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[oukabarsburgblr]

DAI WITH CONSORT AU WHERE HE GET A LETTER THAT (M/N) IS SICK AND WONT BE ABLE TO ATTEND A DINNER HE INVITED HIM TOO, OFC HE UNDERSTANDS GETS A BIT WORRIED SO HE GOES TO UR PALACE (or the place you live in idk ) BUT THEY TURN HIM DOWN TELLING HIM THAT YOU CANT SEE HIM UNFORTUNATELY DUE TO YOU BEING ILL AND ALSO IN FEAR OF GETTING HIM SICK AS WELL, SO HE LEAVES FEELING PRETTY DISSAPOINTED, HE SEND YOU SEVERAL LETTERS LIKE ALWAYS WAITING FOR A REPLY, BUT SUSPICIOUSLY THE REPLY NEVER CAME AND ITS BEEN ABOUT A WEEK NOW AS HE STARTS TO GET WORRIED SO OF COURSE AS THE CARING HUSBAND HE IS HE GOES TO SEE WTF IS GOING ON WITH HIS HUSBAND LIKE WHY ARE YOU NOT REPLYING????, but unfortunately he gets turned down AGAIN but this time he won't take no for an answer👊👊 as the maids outside your bedroom door try to prevent him from coming in he lets his knights handle them before kicking the door down only to find you with one hand chained to the bed and the other struggling to break free from a doctors hand who tries to inject whatever into you as you kick and scream, he Immediately runs towards you yelling at his knights to unchain you while glaring at the doctor like deadass glaring like he wants him dead followed by a "what...the fuck do you think you're doing to my husband..." his eyes bloodshot and all 😋😋 his hands twitching in anger as you crawl into his arms trembling with tears in your eyes, at first his anger was controllable like he would say to seize the doctor and possibly anyone who got you into this situation 🤌 but nah the second you latched onto him like your life depends on it his hands were flying straight to the doctors face no hesitation like it was natural

SORRY IF THIS WAS NOT UNDERSTANDABLE I TRIED 😭😭

does this have potential to possibly become..idk a fic🌚🌚 NAH TOO GREEDY MAYBE A SMALL DRABBLE😭😭 BUT OMG UR WORK IS SO DELICIOUS LIKE HSTHSTSHTDTBDTBDTB I JS WANNA SLURP IT UP, HELLO?? WHAT JUICE POWERS YOUR BRAIN TO BE ABLE TO WRITE LIKE THIS, GIMME THE SECRET MAGIC MAN 🫵🫵🫵‼️‼️

Hello hello. I love ur enthusiasm haha ure cute

Plot wise, i have some questions, as in like would the maids be working in cahoots with the doctor? Is the doctor evil? Id like it to be most sensible for my fics to work (as if logic was a priority haha) but ill think abt including it in my last chapter (last part abt the consort au, no more onesies)

And urm my writing? I just follow my imagination ig hahahhaha it happens any time. Yup yup

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Idk if you’ve gotten this but maybe mermaids or sirens?

Pairing: ShigaDabi

Content: Quirk Kink, Tentacle Sex, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Dry Orgasm, Wet & Messy, Anal sex, Double Penetration, Triple Penetration, Subspace, Dacryphilia, Praise Kink, Humiliation Kink, I fucked around with octopus biology and might have also given a more eel trait or two to help with lubrication… anyway. Tomura accidentally doses Dabi with a neurotoxin, no ill-effects are had and everyone is fine, but I thought I should warn just in case.

The lieutenants’ meeting wraps up without much fanfare and the former members of the MLA file out swiftly, leaving the lot of them alone in the room. As soon as they are, the others are glancing at each other but it ends up being Compress who decides to try, 

"Uh, Tomura?"

Duster doesn't even look up from the reports that they'd all given to update him on things he's missed while away with the doctor. "What?" And his voice is definitely shorter than it usually is. Doesn't usually have that tone with any of them anymore, not since the earliest days back in Kamino. 

Spinner tries next, "Are you good, man?" And even the gecko sounds nervous and he's usually pretty secure in the fact that he's Tomura's favorite, after himself, so Dabi ends up taking pity on them. 

"He's just cranky because he spent all night waterboarding himself in the bathtub."

And that gets the rest of the League looking at him like he's grown another head and his lover glaring at him. "I was not waterboarding myself." He sets aside the papers and runs a hand through his hair, wearing his gloves today because he really is so tired and cranky that his control might not be perfect. "I awakened a new quirk during the last round of treatments that allows me to breathe underwater." He explains tersely. "However, I only can activate it when I'm close to drowning. I was trying to figure out how to turn it on and off more voluntarily so that it won't interfere with my treatments when I go into suspended animation." 

"So you... spent the night drowning yourself?" 

"Training--"

"Yes." Tomura glares at him. "Cranky." And Dabi is kind of delighting in that. Normally he's the cranky one and Duster delights in teasing him constantly, had definitely been feeling cranky last night when Duster refused to show him his new quirk until he could get it under control, but now he's feeling a little smug. Tomura usually has such meticulous and perfect control, and since this one isn't life threatening, it is kind of funny how annoyed he is about it. 

The others are less amused though and there's a beat as they try to come up with solutions of their own to the problem. "Is it a mutation quirk?"

"Yes, heteromorphic." 

 "Maybe you would be able to use it if you stayed in the water for longer and relaxed?" Compress offers carefully. 

"I tried that." 

"Huh," Spinner sounds like he's got the best grip on this situation given his own quirk, "Maybe it's because the water isn't deep enough, or because the tub is too sterile. Fish don't like being in little tanks, right? Maybe you can't turn without being stressed because your instincts know that isn't safe."

"Oh!" And Toga sounds excited. "What if we took you somewhere with like a big pool?"

"When did this become a group activity?" Tomura sounds more tired than annoyed now, seeming to resign himself to trying whatever the others offer which means he is very, very frustrated with the outcome of last night's activities. 

"We don't have any more meetings this weekend, please?" 

Shig sighs, "Fine." 

Toga is out of her chair like a shot, racing from the room the room in the next second. They all scatter for the time being, seeing to their own work before she inevitably comes back with whatever solution she's come up with. 

It's only a half an hour until she finds each of them, demanding they pack their bags for the weekend. 

///

Ending up at a hot spring resort was not what he expected when Toga had run off, didn't even know the PLF owned a resort like this, let alone could clear it out for a weekend for their use exclusively, but what the fucking hell? His life can't get any weirder. The resort has large public pools as well as, he's happy to note, private ones too attached to the nicest rooms, and of course their simpering lackies gave the Grand Commander the best room, which means Dabi gets the best room too. Duster still looks vaguely exasperated with the entire situation, but he also does want to test their theory about the new quirk so after they've all gotten a tour of the facilities, he breaks away to go to the private pool to see if he can manage the change while the rest of them get into swimsuits and head to some of the co-ed public ones. 

Dabi is pretty fucking sure Toga was just waiting for an excuse to get them all here because she had readily provided them all with bathing suits. He hates the fact that she'd given Twice a speedo, which the other man was embarrassed about in one breath and boasting about in the next, but unfortunately, her amusement had not wavered or shown mercy and it was that or nothing for the blond man. Whatever, it doesn't end up mattering much once they're all submerged in the dark, steaming water, the mineral scent of it floating from the surface and swirling around them. He's very glad that his seams have healed so much with the Doc's treatments and that he hasn't needed to overwork his quirk in a few months, because his seams are fully closed at the moment which means he can actually enjoy soaking in the pools with them. 

They shoot the shit and relax for maybe an hour before Dabi decides to go check on Shig. Just wants to be sure his lover hasn't accidentally boiled the fish parts or drowned himself due to his own stubbornness. The hallways are eerily quiet as he makes his way through them, made for the hushed hum of many guests behind closed doors and for plenty more to be walking through them. But there's none of that now, making the space seem unnaturally still. It sets his nerves slightly on edge as he goes back to their room. He opens the door and doesn't find Shig inside, which means he must be out in the private pool. 

This pool, while nowhere near as expansive as the one he'd left the others in, is still large enough that Dabi guesses that all six of them, and probably a few extras, could fit comfortably inside. Surrounded by bamboo and natural rocks to keep it feeling closed in and secure, it's a nice, quiet oasis-- that his lover is also not in. Dabi's about to start trying to figure out where else he could have gone when he sees the water ripple slightly. Hesitantly he moves over to the side of the water, kneeling down. The water is too deep and dark for him to see through, but Dabi tries anyway for a moment before he dips his hand into the pool up to his wrist. 

"You down there, Shig?" 

There's no reply for a moment. Then there are four fingers trailing lightly over the back of his hand. He flinches slightly, even though he’d been half-expecting it, not being able to see where the touch was coming from is still a little creepy. Gets a gentle, soothing stroke across the back of his knuckles before the fingers curl around his wrist and give a soft, but insistent, tug. Was just supposed to be checking in, maybe bullying Shig to come see the others, but he is curious and if anyone gets to see Duster's new quirk first it should definitely be him. 

So he eases into this pool and the hand retreats. Dabi settles against the edge, waiting for his lover to appear. And he doesn't. 

"Seriously? You're not like a shark or something, are you?" His breath catches in the back of his throat when Tomura's hands wrap around his thighs, spreading them wider as he pushes the leg of his swim trunks higher, before sharp teeth nip at the inside of his thigh. Dabi lets out a little gasp as a shudder runs through him. Expected he would be getting fucked in this pool as soon as Duster figured out his new quirk, but he didn't think it would be so soon. Really must have been the tub being too small if he'd figured it out in an hour. 

Dabi melts against the rocks at his back, spreading his legs a little wider, "Come on, Duster, I want to see." 

Doesn't get to immediately. Instead he gets that mouth pressing kisses to his thighs, up over his stomach, head coming high enough that he can sort of see Tomura's white hair drifting beneath the surface of the water. Really, really not expecting for something slick, smooth, and strong to curl around one of his ankles, slithering upwards along his leg too. Tomura keeps him still, which must mean--

"No, you are not a fucking octopus--!" He lets out an extremely unbecoming squeak as a few more of the thick appendages start to move across his body, two more replacing the hands on his thighs, one wrapping around his waist, and one, Dabi whimpers, curling over the front of his swim trunks and doing something. It's like a rippling, squeezing motion as the appendage presses against him, putting a gentle, teasing pressure all along him from root to tip, extending to around his balls as the tentacle presses even more insistently against his crotch. A strange, good sensation that has his breath leaving him in a harsh pant. 

Dabi fumbles, reaching beneath the water and managing to find Tomura's hair, tangling a hand in the long locks and giving a little tug. Duster obliges him this time, the movements of all his extra limbs going softer as he brings his head above the water and crowds into Dabi's space. His lover's appearance, from what he can see so far, is mostly unchanged, same pale hair and skin, same scars. The only changes he sees immediately are the gills running up the side of his neck, thin slits that are flushed a darker red on the inside, and slightly mottled with black pigmentation along the edges, and his pupils are now rectangular and horizontal across his iris. Doesn't see his sharper teeth until he opens his mouth,  

"And what if I am?" Expression and voice amused and teasing. The tentacles beneath the water stroke, and coil, and curl, moving all across his body, a few of the slick black limbs moving just enough so that the curves of them break the surface of the pool for just long enough for Dabi to catch little flashes of them. Tomura presses in even closer, lips brushing the side of his neck as he murmurs, one hand moving up across his chest as the other curves around the small of his back just above where one of his other appendages is holding him tight. "Would that really make you any less eager for me to touch you, pretty boy?" The tentacle against his crotch shifts and squeezes him again and Dabi lets out another little whimper as his cock starts to harden. 

"Tomura," his voice a breathy whine as his lover drags sharp teeth along the side of his throat. Tightens his grip in his hair, other hand curving over his shoulder because he has a feeling he is absolutely going to need something to hold on to if the tentacle prodding at his waistband is any indication of what's to come. 

"Do you want to stop, firefly?" 

His cheeks go hot. He is pretty fucking sure that he was not this adventurous or this much of a pervert before he started fucking Duster. Unfortunately for his dignity, there's no way he's going to be able to stop thinking bout this possibility if he chickens out now. "Are you going to put me in a schoolgirl outfit and keep fucking me while I cry and beg you to stop?" 

"Mm, didn't bring any of your skirts this time, princess," and Dabi walked right into that, face blushing hotly. "But I can make you cry and beg." The tentacles start to ease his trunks off, the one that had been stroking him though the fabric insistently curling around his naked skin. "Work you over until you can't move, and when the others come looking for us, I'll have to tell them you overheated again so you don't embarrass yourself when you can't stand." Dabi's cock twitches and is then engulfed by the tentacle, coiling completely around his length and pressing up beneath him, muscles tightening in a rhythmic pulse that has him moaning loudly and his hips twitching. Which sends fresh pleasure washing through him as grinding down on the bulge of prehensile muscle puts pressure everywhere he wants it. It has him gasping in an instant, cock completely hardening and any apprehension quickly banished from beneath his skin. "You want that, sweet thing?" 

He nods, pulling at Tomura's hair, getting his lover to press in for a kiss as his trunks slip completely from his legs. Tomura readily kisses him back, mouth as hot and hungry as his own and filled with sharp, sharp teeth that he's pretty fucking sure octopuses don't have, but Dabi won't complain about that if it means he doesn't have a beak elsewhere. Two of the appendages move to cup his ass and curl up over his back, supporting his weight and lifting him so that he's half out of the water, so that he can see the others as two more slither up his thighs. They are definitely slicker than he even thought they were with the water submerging his body, each one goes from nearly as thick around as his thigh to a tapered point of about two fingers. The underside of each lined with suckers. Dabi cries out when the one around his cock twists, shifting to put those along his length and they start to tighten and release in soft flutters that makes it feel like he has a dozen mouths kissing and sucking along his length. 

"Tomura!" 

His lover gives a pleased hum and starts to move that one again, mouth sinking back to his throat as his fingers move to tease at the barbells through his nipples. More tentacles-- he must only have eight, right? How can eight be enough to make it feel like they're sliding over every part of him?-- moving to catch his wrists and hold them tight so that all he can do is writhe as his lover does what he wants to him with his new appendages. 

The one around his cock moves slowly, but insistently, and Dabi watches as a little further down the length of shiny black muscle, it coils and twists, that bulge working up and along the length until it's meeting where the first loop goes around his cock. Thinks his brain might short circuit slightly as that knot smooths out and in its wake there is a thick pool of slick, viscus liquid that spills over the rest of the tentacle and is quickly worked down over his cock so that every slide, suck, and movement against him is so much messier and feels so much better. Fucking, trust Duster to have a new quirk for an hour and already have figured out how to use it for sex. Should have known breathing would only be one step higher on his list than figuring out how to produce his own fucking lube. And Dabi wants to be annoyed about that, he really does, but the problem is that it feels so good that instead of mocking him or bitching, all he's doing is gasping and moaning, rocking back up into every tight, heady stroke of the tentacle around his cock. 

Tomura chuckles against his throat, which must mean he sounds like a desperate whore as he's touched, but he really can't bring himself to care. Must be being loud though because that's usually when his lover pushes fingers into his mouth to muffle his sounds. Doesn't use his fingers today, though. Dabi doesn't even hesitate when the soft black skin rubs against his lower lip, opens his mouth eagerly, and Tomura fills it. The tentacle pushes inside, pushing all the way to the back of his throat roughly enough that it makes even his nearly-dead gag reflex twitch for a second before Dabi is moaning and swallowing. The skin is soft and smooth, filling his mouth completely, the suckers teasing at his tongue like his lover is toying with it, and it tastes... strange. Not bad, not quite like how he expects his Tomura's skin to taste. It has the mineral earthiness of the hot springs that has been a heavy smell in his nose, but there's a different kind of... tang almost. A flavor that he can't quite describe but that has his stretched lips tingling alongside his tongue and every part of his mouth where the tentacle is pressing. Not bad, strange, kind of reminds him of a tingling lube with the coolness of menthol. Numbs his throat and lips just enough for him to not have any qualms about swallowing hard around the appendage until Duster is feeding in another few inches, going deeper into his throat than even his oversized cock usually does, making Dabi's eyes roll back and flutter shut. Oh, he didn't know his throat could feel any fuller than that, but this is good, this is making his head float enough that he's not sure if it's the sensation or the lack of oxygen that's getting to him. 

Tomura fucks the tentacle in and out of his throat very gently as his other myriad limbs stroke every place across his skin that feels good, suckers kissing him everywhere. It doesn't matter that every movement against him is slow, everything is so much, and so overwhelming that it has his cock aching for release. Duster doesn't make him wait though, keeps the movements constant, shifting so one of the larger suckers is positioned directly over his head and suckling at it while more kiss along the length of his piercings, the whole tangle of the limb never stopping its serpentine, undulating movements along his shaft, until--

His moan is completely smothered by the tentacle in his mouth as his hips twitch jerkily in his lover's grasp as his balls draw tight and his orgasm overtakes him. Feels like Tomura drags out the waves of pleasure going through him as all of that sensation doesn't stop throughout it, and by the time he's blinking his eyes back open, he only gets a moment to be embarrassed at how obscene his spend looks seeping out of the tight coil of muscle around his cock, before the one in his mouth is kinking a few inches below where it meets his lips. He whimpers around the appendage when he meets Tomura's eyes as the kink works its way higher, but his lover just murmurs, 

"I know how much you like to swallow, precious, open wide." As if his mouth could be pressed any wider without tearing him open at the seams. But for as sinister as the words sounded, his lover doesn't force that bulge past his lips, instead just pressing the puddle of slick to his mouth. Fat drops fall down his chin and splash against his chest, but more of it does sneak past his teeth and Dabi sucks and swallows, the fluid thicker and more viscus than any cum he's ever had in his mouth and settling in his stomach with the same tingling sensation as was pressing all along his mouth. When he swallows everything that actually made it to his lips, Duster coos softly at him, pulling the limb from his mouth and gathering him close as he presses kisses to his cheek and temple. "Good boy. Do you still want me to make you cry, baby?" Strokes his hair softly, eyes so sweet and adoring on him. Makes him feel even better and more floaty in the wake of his orgasm. 

His tongue feels a little numb, but he manages a nod. Tomura presses another kiss to his cheek before he's moving them through the water. He has enough limbs that he quickly enough has a few of the thick fluffy towels laid out over the carved stones that lead to the lip of the pool, and then he uses his too many limbs to coax Dabi back against those too, lifting himself out of the water once he's settled on his back dazedly. Tomura's body is mostly the same across his torso, though there is another set of gills cut across his sides. The real changes start where his belly button used to be, the skin transitioning into black and staying solid to where the top of his pelvis is before changing into the branching, too many tentacles that are all over him again once he's settled. Two pushing his legs wide, one still playing with his soft, oversensitive cock, another stroking at his seams, his hands running over his skin as well. It's overwhelming and when he tries to reach for Tomura, his wrists are easily bound and pressed back against the ground. Wants him helpless today and for the first time in a long time Dabi feels it as his lover brings one of the tentacles between his legs and starts to prod at his hole. 

He lets out a shaky breath as it teases and toys, slick, but not as wet as his fingers usually are-- at least, not at first. Dabi watches as he squeezes the muscles of that tentacle around themselves again, gathering more of his slick and pressing a thick glob of it against his hole, enough that it's dripping down his skin and making him squirm a little as his face goes hotter. The slick makes his hole tingly and sensitive like it did his throat and Dabi can't bite back the little moan that slips out as even just the very tip of the tentacle breaches his rim and pushes a little inside him too. It's smooth and tapered, the suction cups soft enough that all they offer is a slight bumpy texture as Tomura teases him open. He works slowly, eyes dark with his lust, and dragging over every part of him. Loves to work him up, and to make him fall apart over and over again. 

He toys and teases at his hole until Dabi is whining and moaning, his cock starting to harden again, and his hips trying to twitch back on the appendage to get it deeper. But as soon as he makes that movement, Dabi knows it was a mistake. Because Tomura's eyes spark, a smile curling slowly over his lips. It's such a pretty smile, soft and sweet. It's the kind of smile that would make anyone else doubt he's a villain. But Dabi knows that smile. Knows its soft, and affectionate, and filled with his joy because he's about to take some fresh sadistic pleasure from his body. He whimpers and that's all the sign that Sir needs before he's pressing the tentacle in, and in, and in. 

His hole stretches around it, the taper and viscosity of the slick making it much easier for him to feed it inside of his body. His muscles stretch open around it as it goes deeper, the base much wider than Tomura's cock, and so much longer. He thinks Sir gives him three or four more inches than he usually gets, and that is so deep that Dabi doesn't think he could push any further without carving open a spot all for himself inside of his insides. And he doesn't start to thrust the appendage when he does eventually figure out how to breathe and not tense. Realizes Sir must have wanted him to cum before so he would be too relaxed to be nervous or think about the fact that Tomura probably doesn't have a dick in this form. Maybe. He doesn't know what octopus biology is like. Those thoughts are delirious and fleeting as they flit across his mind, lost quickly enough when Tomura starts to undulate and twist the tentacle inside of him. He feels his hole flutter around him as his insides try to clench down on him as pleasure sparks across his nerves, his cock hardening the rest of the way. Tomura must feel that against him, draws the one inside him out just an inch or two before pushing it so deeply inside again and rubbing more. 

Dabi is panting and moaning constantly as his lover sets a rhythm to his movements that slowly has less and less of the tentacle returning to push along his insides on each slow, writhing thrust. Makes him feel so much emptier than when they started and soon enough he's trying to rock his hips back to make him give him more. Forgot the lesson he just learned about trying to get more that Tomura was ready to give him, and is punished for it when the tentacle draws all the way out until only the very tip is rubbing circles around his hole again. 

"Not enough, baby boy? You could have just said that you need more in your greedy hole. You know I'll give you anything you want, sweetheart." Knows he's in over his head when there's a second tip pushing against his rim then, and a fresh pulse of slick over and inside his stretched hole. A high wine fills his head as Tomura starts to press both inside, does it even more slowly, slick gushing inside of him and against him to ease the way as he goes, but he pushes them in, and in, and in, until they hit that spot inside of him again where they can't push any further. It takes a really long time for Dabi to realize that whining is coming from him. Takes even longer to notice that his cock hurts because it's so sensitive and softening rapidly in the wake of his second orgasm he didn't even notice approaching, body so lost in the sensation of being this full for the first time in his life, that the pleasure came and went with only the aftershocks making an impression. Tomura keeps his cock encased in his warm, tight muscles, wet from the pool, his slick, and Dabi's cum, but he doesn't torture him, doesn't stroke him or suck at him. Warms his cock the same way Dabi likes to do for him on occasion. 

He works the two tentacles inside him even slower and more carefully than he did the first, and Dabi can only lay there, lost in the sensation as his lover touches him everywhere else too as he presses kisses to his cheeks and lips, and strokes his hair. 

"You're doing such a good job, precious. You're taking me so deep, so proud of you, baby boy." 

Dabi embarrasses himself by mewling, his insides trembling at the words. Always wants to be good for Sir. Wants to make Tomura proud. 

"Do you think you can do even better? Do you want to take my cock too, firefly?" 

He whimpers, thought that Sir might not have his cock in this form. Doesn't know how he could possibly take anything else, he's so full already but... but he wants to be good. Wants to make sure that Tomura feels good too. His whole body is shaking but he still manages a little nod. Tomura gives him a soft kiss. 

"You know what to do if it's too much?" Another little nod, "Show me." And even with his wrists held in place, he can still snap his fingers. "Perfect, sweetheart." Then his focus shifts, the tentacles pulling slowly out of him, but the tips are more insistent around his rim, keeping him open, stretched. Dabi's face goes so hot when he feels how far he's spread and how the cooler air feels against his gaping hole as the tips of his tentacles tease him and keep him open. 

He expects to get Tomura's cock, doesn't expect a new tentacle to come slithering out from beneath the tangle of the others, this one stark white and shaped a little differently than the others, the suckers starting a few inches down from the almost spoon-like spaded head. But it's just as mobile as the others as it crawls up his thigh as the two that were already inside him ooze a little more of their slick into and around his hole, before Sir's cock is pressing inside. Dabi moans, voice raw with the sound, as Tomura immediately pushes in and reaches, crooking to rub against his prostate, the strange shape of his had almost cupping it as it rubs and presses and makes his whole body loose and tingly with fresh pleasure. 

Only gets that for a few strokes before the tips of both the other tentacles are sneaking in alongside his cock. Pull out almost all the way each time, but they do push in a little further each time they re-enter him, and soon Dabi is whimpering and trying not to squirm, as he becomes so full that he's surprised there's even room for air in his lungs. He has never been this full before. Pressure across every single nerve ending inside his hole, at his stretched rim, warm, slick, tight pressure around his cock. It's all so much. It's too much. Dabi doesn't know how he can even survive every sensation that is wracking his body. 

"Fuck, you feel so good baby," Tomura's praise makes him float even higher. "Didn't know you could be any cuter, but you're so pretty all blissed out of your mind. Have I finally found something that's enough for my needy size queen?" 

"Sir," his voice is so thin, and it was so hard to even get just that one word out of him, that Dabi doesn't even bother to try for another. 

"Stuffed you so full, haven't I?" Rhetorical, as he starts to move the members inside of him. Dabi's vision bursts with black and spots of white as that whining starts again. But if it was rhetorical, why is one of the other tentacles lifting his wrist from the stones. Tomura catches his hand with one of his own and brings it to his lower stomach, "There, precious, can you feel that?" 

Dabi's brain short-circuits. He has a flat stomach, never been able to put on much weight with his quirk, hadn't noticed anything strange before, but he can feel it now. That there's a pressure here too. Can't feel the tentacles moving from the outside, can't see them. But he's so full that just putting his hand here is such a strong sensation of added pressure that it has his breath catching in the back of his throat. Tomura chooses that moment to press a sucker to his prostate, and his breath breaks on the hitch of a sob. Oh. Tomura promised to make him cry. The tears fall fat and heavy as new pleasure overwhelms his body. He sobs and moans as Sir fucks him so slowly, and strangely, on his new appendages, the one around his cock squeezing and coaxing until he's hard again even though his body doesn't feel like it has anything else to give. 

"Oh, firefly, you feel so good," Tomura moans softly against his neck, the tentacles around his limbs tightening as he starts to move a little faster. Dabi's insides twitch and flutter around him, his muscles liquid from how stretched they gone. "Fuck, baby," and he laces together some of their fingers where he's holding Dabi's hand against his stomach. Dabi has no idea how long Tomura has even been inside of him, but he knows that, knows that means that he's close and there's no way that he'll be able to take any more. 

No sound comes out of him even as his mouth opens around a keen when Tomura starts to cum. His insides are even fuller, even wetter, as he does, because he's cumming in the same thick spurts as he was able to gather his slick. And he doesn't stop, Even his lover seems a little surprised, making a soft sound in the back of his throat as he rubs his tentacles inside of him as he keeps cumming. When they both realize that he's still got the same control over his cock as he did before even as he pumps Dabi fuller and fuller. He keeps moving them the way he was before, each one only serving to send more and more of his cum pouring out of Dabi's stretched, puffy hole. 

He thinks he might completely lose his mind then, just floats so high as his lover keeps using his body, that he can't even tell up from down, that he doesn't even know when Tomura stops cumming. All he knows when his other hand eventually touches his cheek and that he's so sticky with his bloody tears. Dabi blinks deliriously up at him and Sir's eyes are so warm, and a little alien with their strange pupils. 

"There you are, darling, thought you passed out for a bit." He might have, he really, really might have because the sky past Tomura's shoulder seems darker than it did when he first laid him down. 

The tentacle around his cock tightens and strokes him again, the suckers starting to toy with his ladder and Dabi manages to cry out then. Makes everything more when that also has him tightening his muscles, which tells him he is still full and soaked around the appendages inside him. He shakes his head desperately, tongue too heavy to find his words. 

"You can do it, sweetheart, just one more time for me." Words gentle and encouraging as the coils shift so that he can stroke along Dabi's cock like he would with his hand. Lets him see his flushed head peeking through the coils as he moves and moves, Tomura's cock shifting so that the strange head can cup his prostate again and rub and stroke there too. Dabi feels more of his cum ooze out of his hole and whimpers. Those warm eyes spark a little, and Tomura smiles that dangerous smile again. The two other tentacles draw a little further back too, making the stretch a little less, "Won't it feel so good to just let go, baby boy?" And then Tomura presses their joined hands a little harder against his lower abdomen. 

Dabi doesn't know if he's ever felt more humiliated than he does at the way he moans when the external pressure has Sir's cum pouring out of him, so wet that he feels it absolutely soaking his thighs, the towel, making a puddle beneath him and it still doesn't stop. He gives another hard sob as his cock twitches, somehow his body betraying him even more when his orgasm washes through him again, but is dry. Barely manages a single drop of cum and Tomura coos at him. 

"Oh, precious," Before leaning in to kiss him and lick away the blood on his cheeks as he pulls his tentacles all the way out of him and pushes a little harder on his stomach. 

Dabi might actually pass out as the cum spills out of his gaping hole. 

///

Absolutely fucking passed out, he realizes when he wakes up an unknown amount of time later clean, dressed in his pajamas, and tucked into the lavish too-big bed. His stomach twists a little, his mouth feels dry, and his limbs are very heavy, but not hurting. Might not be hurting though because Dabi's practically numb from the hips to his knees. Feels the echoes of an ache, like how it does when he has Tomura fuck him with his cock and a strap at the same time, but the tentacles were a lot more than that. He should really be hurting more he thinks. He tries to push himself up a little and he immediately hears movement in the dim room. 

"There you are, firefly." Tomura sits on the edge of the bed, turning the lamp light up to a higher setting. "How are you feeling?" 

His throat is thick and a little raw, "Like you fucked me six ways from Sunday. Fuck, what time is it?" 

"Late, baby." Tomura reaches for a pill bottle and a glass of water by the nightstand. Dabi doesn't need to be told, takes the offered pills and gulps down the water. Duster refills the glass for him and when Dabi has finished that one and set it aside he catches his lover's sleeve and pulls at him. Tomura doesn't protest, climbing into bed with him and wrapping him up in his arms. Dabi tucks his face against his chest, still exhausted. "Did such a good job pretty boy, so perfect for me, so proud of you." Words pressed to the crown of his head alongside soft kisses as Tomura strokes along his back. Turns him back into a puddle immediately. "Love you so much, firefly." 

"Love you," but his words are slurred and sleepy already. Barely manages to stay awake long enough to realize that his lover's libs are back to normal before he's out again. 

///

He is, decidedly, a lot more sore when he wakes up the next morning. 

"Yeah, the neurotoxin must have worn off, here, you can have another dose of pain killers." 

"Neurotoxin?" 

"It's just a mild one, Ujiko tested it, I didn't think it did anything unless it was more concentrated, but you said you couldn't feel your lips last night." He doesn't even remember that conversation. Doesn't know if he's ever been that high in his subspace. "Do you feel alright otherwise?" 

He considers, "Yeah, I'm fine, Shig." Though his stomach protests with a loud growl. Makes his lover smile at him indulgently, and Dabi flicks him off. "Shut up." 

But they put on their robes and slippers and go to the private dining room that they were told would be set up for the League's use. He does not limp, no matter what that smug look his lover keeps giving him might say. They can hear the others through the door and they are all very pleasant when they greet them. Small talk, food, some work stuff, and Toga demanding that Tomura show them his new quirk if he's gotten it working. Shig agrees easily enough, and by the time they're done eating, have put their bathing suits back on, and reconvened back at the co-ed pool, Dabi is feeling mostly normal, though he's still a little sore and definitely not ever going to be able to look at takoyaki the same way again. 

Tomura gets into the pool and disappears beneath the water for a moment. When his head pops back out of the water he's blinking, his pupils horizontal once more and the gills on his neck twitching, opening wide before he gives one soft cough before he's turning his attention back to them. He moves a few of the tentacles out of the water and Dabi doesn't think he or Tomura were expecting for Twice, Toga, and Spinner to all burst into laughter. 

"Oh my fucking god, you were right! How did you know?" Toga is wheezing she's laughing so hard.

Spinner is trying to gasp for breath as he chokes out, "Only blow us off for sex. It either it worked and made them insanely horny or it didn't and sex was the consolation prize." 

"But tentacles? How scandalous!" 

"What other sea creature do you think Dabi would fuck?"

"I am going to burn you alive!" Means it too, his hands lighting up as he lunges for them, his face burning with his shame. Barely gets a step towards them though before slick coils of tentacles are catching him around his legs and his middle. And then gravity is gone as he's pulled from his feet. The hot spring water rushes over him as Tomura pulls him into the pool, dragging him in close so that his back is locked against the other man's chest, holding him in place with an arm as his extra limbs dart out to catch Toga, Twice, and Spinner before they can run out of his range. He drags the three of them in as well, making three loud splashes.

Dabi swears that he hears Compress mutter, "Children," as he gets into the pool more leisurely. He doesn't give a shit about being mature, he has a lizard to drown.  

Thanks for submitting!

[tmicouture]

Sword Catcher thoughts/theories

I really enjoyed this book, wasn’t sure I was going to read it until it came out and decided to give it a try. Being a big fan of Cassandra Clare’s Shadowhunter books I wasn’t sure how I would like reading a different world from her but it was so well written and the characters really draw you in and I’m invested now lol and already needing the second book!

Now I’ve got some thoughts or theories on some stuff that left me with ??? 🤔 (spoilers below)

There is some mystery with the King. And before I get to my possible theory, maybe someone can refresh my memory but I can’t remember if they specifically said if Jolivet (being the captain of the arrow squadron) was the kings sword catcher or not? The tradition with the sword Catcher wasn’t new with Kel and Connor, it was a Malgasi tradition that the king grew up in. It was mentioned that once Connor married and had his own kid, Kel would then lead the squadron and eventually have to find a new sword catcher for the new prince and basically the tradition continues. But if that’s the case wouldn’t that mean jolivet was the kings sword catcher? Again maybe I missed it and they had mentioned it but I can’t remember top of my head, but if they didnt, that leaves the mystery of who the kings sword Cather was which then leads to my theory…..

The king is apparently mad/ill but later on in the book he has this great strength that isn’t normal which makes me wonder how? What if he isn’t the original king? What if the entire time he was the kings sword catcher having never taken off the talisman and it could have had an affect on him driving him a little mad and giving him some side effects (weird strength).

It crossed my mind when towards the end of the book Connor left that note and Kel had to be him at the party to save face. With all the mystery around what happened with the king especially with Fausten…

Anyways random but a guess

Also does anyone else think Jerrod is Kel’s friend from the orphanage? Idk something about him seeing kel’s face and not killing him gave me the thought even though later on when asked about it he just gives another excuse. Plus he has a part of his face hidden so maybe Kel wouldn’t be able to see if it possibly could have been him, idk I feel like characters being someone different then who they were is a feeling a lot of people have with this book having seen some theories others have had on who the ragpicker king is or beck

[caffeiiine]

OK HI SODA HI HI HI I HAD IDEAS FOR THE V3 REWRITE THAT I WANT TO SHARE (IDK IF U WANTED TO SEE THE GENIUS IDEA FOR THE REWRITE WITH THE OC BUT ILL SEND THIS AND THEN IF U WANNA SEE JUS TELL ME) ANYWAY !!!

ok i dont acgtually have too much but!! but but but i do have some ideas right

as of rn ive got two survivors (korekiyo, kokichi), a potential mastermind (miu?), chapter 3's first victim (kirumi), chapter 3's second blackened (korekiyo), and chapter 5's victim (rantaro). idk if this is good or not biut like !!!! ebehebh !!!!

miu being the mastermind is something i had for my own rewrite like with my oc but also i really like the idea, we could also have her do something with kiibo at some point like install a virus on him or wtvr that would make him kill someone? because she operates on him in the game anyway so having her do so and then have that fall into place later but like not give him time to say somethingabout it is really fun to me

kirumi i dont really have a reason for her being the first victim other than im a sucker for kirukiyo and i think he'd be pretty distressed that she died (im being very self indulgent here but we can change this if u want to, idk ur opinions on kirukiyo so !!! its up to u), we could also do something where the murders happened at almost the exact same time so he could have saved her if he had just been somewhere instead of trying to kill someone for his sister to have another "friend" in the afterlife

kokichi i want to live because i love him. end of explanation

rantaro i wanted to die at some point but not at the start, in part bc i love him but also because i think itd be really interesting if he was killed in ch 5 instead of kokichi because he has a lot of importance too, right? so i think a killing with him could be just as good, he could have helped the killer because he wanted them to try to find out the mastermind during his trial or something idk. still in speculation but i think it would be cool

as for like, protagonists and stuff, i have zero idea, but !!!!!! i think it would be super mega awesome to have both kaede and shuichi survive but also that is like not possible because kaede's death made shuichi actually be able to be good and smart at things and not feel bad IDK WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT AT SOME POINT BUT HERES MY IDEAS SORRY THIS IS A LOT OF PARAGRAPHS

starting out i’m gonna be all over the place with this <33

first off: THE KIRUKIYO ISEA IS SO COOL THO honestly i never thought of that ship, and im not a huge shipper myself outside of bsd so im super neutral about most ships <33 so yeah!!!! we can ahve kirukiyo!!!! i like that!!!! :3 <- since you asked about my opinion on it

ALSO ARE YOU IN MY HEAD OR SOMETHING. MIU MASTERMIND!!! MIU MASTERMIND!!! or if not a mastermind, then in the very least a killer. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve ranted to my rl friends about how miu should’ve gotten to kill somebody. like ik in canon she was supposed to be the killer for 4 but that got swapped last minute but SHE SHOULDVE BEEN ALLOWED TO KILL SOMEBDIY and yes yes yes yes yes she should do something with kiibo that’d be very fun

YOURE SO CORRDCT ON RANTARO BTW his character generally suffers from the fact he was killed off way at the beginning, and ugshdh he could have done. so much. if he was left alive a little longer. i’ve said this before but that’s a common issue just in general with the type of game danganronpa is especially with the writers not adjusting the arcs for their allotted time which causes me PAIN. yeah leave him alive for longer for sure. and oooo i like rantaro, i think he could go either way being a killer or victim. especially if at the end of it all no matter how it goes down, hes wrong. whether he kills the wrong person, or if he’s caught in the middle of a planned murder and happens to be collateral damage/the mistaken victim while he’s trying to go after the mastermind and either way their only lead to the mastermind is now just gone

one of the things i do really like about v3 despite all my criticisms against it, is the fake-out protagonist. i’m not saying we have kaede die again or shuichi goes in her place, but i think it’d be cool to include something like that with one of the cast members? maybe kaito? idk im throwing things at the wall rn but basically im trying to figure out a way to have a character haunt the narrative like kaede did

yeah i ahev no clue about protags either yet, we can always just figure that out down the line sometime🎉🎉🎉

also side note but i propose to throw out the real fiction plotline or whatever it was called that v3 went down in the game, thoughts?

also also second unrelated side note: do we have to keep the 3 survivors? not like the literal characters, just the number. like obviously we wont have everyone survive, but idk let’s not confine ourselves to a number yet

for my input regarding cases: in no particular order/killer - ryoma -> victim/survivor ; himiko -> killer/victim [i think it’d be cool to have her as a killer but i’m not sure how she’d even go about it or even why] ; tenko -> victim ; tsumugi -> killer [i think her execution would be super interesting] aaaand i ahve yet to think about the rest

inout regarding survivors: idk i really want angie to survive and i am shooting you with shinounaga found family propaganda

anyways!!! give your opinion!!! sorry this took me forever to type!!!!!

[fabdante]

For the DMC reboot:

This might work better before they took down Mundus, and of course the twins would have to know one another better for this to actually work, but:

Dante switching places with Vergil for a day or two because Reasons and being shocked and probably more than a little envious of the sheer contrast. Not even just in how much more money Vergil has than him (tho Dante IS jealous of that; Vergil shows Dante how much he makes and how much Vergil has in his bank account and Dante's brain just kinda stops working for a few seconds, trying to process how big the numbers are), but in how people treat Dante-as-Vergil, compared to how they treat Dante-as-himself. Because yeah, some of it is down to the way Dante acts when he's being himself, and Dante knows this (he just doesn't really know how to be anything different/better, or if its even worth the effort- or if he'll even live long enough for it to matter)... but that's not ALL it is.

The money and status Vergil has helps, that's true, but even just. Being able to walk into a fucking room, say what (you're pretending) your name is, and not have demons or demon collaborators drag you into Limbo or have people otherwise hate and fear you as some monster, and/or treat you like they can tell you're "worthless gutter trash" just by looking at you is... Something. It sure is something.

Idk. I just think it'd be a fun concept to play around with. Especially if Vergil made himself look like Dante and spent the day (or week- however long this takes) running around fighting demons and dodging demon collaborators and probably living in shitty hotels or sleeping on the streets (if he really had to), too, just to really sell whatever ruse they're trying to pull here.

Hopefully this would bring the twins closer together, but I could see it causing problems between the two, too. Which hopefully they could work out, but still. Idk, I just think it'd be Neat.

Side note: They'd probably have to switch swords to make it REALLY convincing, so that could be fun too.

I do think the idea of the twins swapping would be interesting and possibly quite silly!! And it'd give them insight to each others lives!

However I don't know how convincing they'd be asdfghjk they are identical twins in the reboot as far but Kat would 100 percent figure this out immediately upon seeing one of them, which in itself is also very funny asdfghjkl like, beyond the fact Vergil in the reboot is just so insanely pale and Dante is not, it'd take so much work for them to get each others mannerisms down and they might be able to fool others at the Order but definitely not Kat. I can see her walking in on Dante pretending to be Vergil and just immediately like 'ok, where is Vergil, what are you two doing?' to which Dante is going to try and salvage this and fail spectacularly because Kat is not buying his Vergil act, especially now that he's talking asdfghjk I love this concept. I tend to imagine they all didn't leave the Order much at the Dante stage of the plan, but they'd definitely be more convincing around strangers then in the Order.

Flip side of this is also I can see Dante suggesting this for funsies and Vergil just absolutely declining, he does not want to live in Dante's life asdfghjk he is not built to be around dirt he will cry.

If he were to take him up on it though and had to live parts of Dante's life, I definitely think he'd be woefully ill prepared for that. Which might bring him a little more understanding as to why Dante is the way he is, but I do think it might further Dante's resentment towards Vergil because he is definitely just very jealous of how easy Vergil's life has been this whole time.

I also propose a funny alternative: which is Dante wandering around the Order pretending to be Vergil while Vergil is unaware as part snooping mission (he's trying to figure out information on the Order and his brother and Kat and if he can trust any of this) and part just for funsies to see what happens. Some of the newer members are buying it, none of the older ones are, he went on a caper to steal Vergil's clothes from his closet and everything, he acquired a wig, eventually Kat and Vergil catch wind of this and it ends with Dante, in full Vergil cosplay, in Vergil's office while Kat and Vergil are just like ???

[jemmo]

his man 2 ep 8 and 9 thoughts!!!! I started ranting bc a lot happened and I didn’t cover everything (ill rewatch later with my mom and sister) so ill put it under a read more, but tl;dr

POETIC CINEMA ^^^^^^^^^

there is…. so much to unpack. but let me start of with YES and YES. yes to everything about sungho and junsung’s date, and yes to everything about minsung and hyungjun’s date. and having them sandwich the date between yonghee and seonwoo shows me even more how different the vibe and interactions are, bc yonghee and seonwoo together had like this melancholy… idk how else to describe it, maybe bc seonwoo planned for this to be with sungho, but he just felt emotionally removed. I get that he might’ve felt unexpectedly weird bringing someone to where he works and those worlds clashing, but even after, it leaves me with a bad taste that yonghee was so forward and sharing and honest and when he tried to ask seonwoo something he couldn’t get a solid answer in return. the whole point of these two dating was to determine whether there was something there, and still seonwoo can’t give him anything to be certain about. and just when I felt like yonghee could start to look elsewhere, he’s tied down to these unanswered questions bc of the possibility there is something there. we’ve made no progress, and it’s frustrating.

and completely 180 to that… god. i could gush about that sungho and junsung date forever. it’s the way it felt both comfortable and familiar but also new and exciting, like they were the same people they’ve always been and didn’t let the pressure that this is a proper date effect their behaviour, and instead just let it feel exciting, let it take it’s course and see what happens, and i love that. i love that they could take nonsense and bicker and also talk about more serious things and there was never any tension. and just the closeness, the ease in each others presence, not even doing anything, just going to eat and chat and walk by the beach, like they don’t need an activity to bring them together or break the ice bc they’re past that. god it just felt so electric and soothing and I don’t know how that’s possible but I adored every second. and i cannot believe they then left us on the cliffhanger of what that voicemail is and then gave us that preview bc I don’t want to think about all the other mess, pls just let me be happy for now.

and sticking on being happy for now, minsung and hyungjun. minsung and hyungjunnnnnnnnn god it’s happening all over again. he may not be showing it as boldly as junsung did to sungho, but I know that hyungjun is down for minsung just as bad. the way he watches him and just smiles and is so endeared, god it’s sickening to watch people in love. but again, their date was so comfortable, the way you could see hyungjun trying so hard to do everything he wanted and express himself properly after being misunderstood before, and minsung being able to mess with him and tease him, like I can see them both endearing themselves to each other so well, it’s so good. and don’t even talk to me about them dozing off, don’t even talk about the list, don’t even talk about the dumb couple rings, it’s just too much I could scream. and I love love LOVE how minsung approached hyungjun after agreeing to hyungjin after refusing him, hyungjun worrying about the situation and him just saying just give me a yes or no, as to say don’t worry about others, that’s my stuff to deal with, but I’m making this decision so just respond to that, like… how good is that. minsung i adore you.

as for hyungjin and jungwook… sigh. a lot happened but i almost can’t bring myself to talk about it. the date was lovely, but the whole time my heart was breaking thinking that jungwook had planned this for yonghee, after that first date and them talking about dogs, like he really wanted to further that connection, it meant something to him, and that breaks me. and it breaks me that this misunderstanding muddies the comfort and encouragement he felt from hyungjin bc it clearly moved him, even though there’s no affection. I do appreciate hyungjin for wanting to clear that up and not have jungwook misunderstand his intent, but I just think the way hyungjin approached it, and approaches things generally, he can come off very serious mostly bc I think he does like to have things resolved, he doesn’t want to have these worries lingering, but jungwook is very chill, and I don’t think he’s offended at all by hyungjin clearing up that there’s no affection bc I don’t think he felt that either. it was very clear to him that this was friendly, so that being verbalised I don’t think hurt him, but for hyungjin to say he wouldn’t have gone on the date after the fact, I can see how that would hurt jungwook after sharing so much. it did feel like hyungjin was stepping in to something much more intimate that he wasn’t prepared for, and like he was experiencing something he shouldn’t be, like it wasn’t for him, but in the face of jungwook doing that anyway and sharing himself, yes clear up that it wasn’t with affection, but don’t then backtrack. I get that he doesn’t want to take it back and their meaning does get lost when they talk, he’s saying he wouldn’t have gone bc he didn’t want to create a situation that can be misunderstood. the mission card says invite a crush and by inviting him, that implies something so he’s saying I wouldn’t have gone with you bc I don’t feel that way. there’s good intent there, and I don’t think it is that deep, I just hope it doesn’t leave either of them feeling bad.

and finally, god I can’t believe I have to wait 2 full weeks to hear all these voicemails, but the ones we did get… wow. i was expecting hyungjin’s voicemail to be for either seonwoo or yonghee, and while I would’ve preferred yonghee bc I want someone to say those exact words to him, stop waiting around and explore other options, im also kinda glad it was for seonwoo, if only bc I want other people to play on his mind and keep him away from sungho, but then he does call him so I guess not. i mean… it’s pure opinion at this point, and I want seonwoo to keep away bc I like sungho with junsung so much, but I can’t exactly sit and complain that he’s sticking to him if he has genuine feelings, it just maddens me that I can never know what’s going on in sungho’s mind. I just know that when I hear that full voicemail of sungho to junsung next week I might cry. i mean… you’ve waited a long time??? god you know how to destroy both me and junsung. I’m just so glad junsung is actually getting these things now tho, that he has something to have faith and strength in that this isn’t all pointless. and the yonghee voicemail… I just adore him, and I can’t help feel like all his charm is wasted on seonwoo bc he is just so lovely, and I’m glad he is finding meaning and comfort in other relationships, and I’m so glad seonwoo didn’t get a voicemail from him bc it sends this ever so subtle message of he won’t go after you forever. those feelings can only be unwavering up to a point. look and sungho and junsung. idk if junsung would’ve given up if he got notbing back, but the fact he is getting signals in return gives him the faith to keep going. if seonwoo continues to not reciprocate in a meaningful way, I just need him to know that yonghee will not be there forever, and I hope that not getting a voicemail tells him that.

[evildoombringer]

hi nakamura (i'm. not entirely sure which name you prefer to go by,,)

i. don't really know, personally, the depths of hurt that came from min leaving can't claim either. to understand what your going through right now

you both seem really close. it was always funny, to  read ur asks that you'd send i remember reading the "happy morning" one you sent and it had like this image of a smiling kid for some reason, for like a solid 5 months i just thought "oh cool, so that's what they look like:0" before i looked back and thought, "huh wait. they always added (very funny,  mind you) meme/pics to their asks. was that pic a meme too-?" and only then did i realize lmao

looking back on his responses, i can almost hear the amused tone or, however min would react. lol it was nice to see him talking to people who cared about him

im. not really sure what to say, without coming off as like.. pretentious.? but. if i can just assume for one second, from the asks they'd answer of yours, to everything i hear about min from all the people who know him, i. i. assume he really cared for you, and. i assume you cared for him as much.,

i dont. know your situation, at all. min had. already made up his mind when i even found his blog. so, just. i hope you'll be able to make a decision, you'll be. happy with

the future could get better. it could get worse i can't really see which one it'll be. i don't understand how close you and min were, at all but know. you arent alone im not sure, if you need to. understand or know someone to be there for them,but from the looks of it, min was. never really alone if he had you. so,i hope you also know your not alone there'are people here for you

im sorry. this is probably, meaningless to you in hindsight i just. yeah. in the end, whatever you choose is your decision but. your not alone im sorry if this comes off as assuming.  please. feel free to ignore this ask, if it oversteps in anyway or is just uncomfortable. i know sometimes one might just want- to vent and let it all out and the to have that acknowledged or responsded to might be. uncomfortable i. hope i didnt come off that way

but .yeah,

nice to. meet you by thw way. O(∩w∩)O (im sorry the kaomoji is so out of place jhsjsh i just remembered that one ask u sent hh)

hi custard

it hurts that he's gone, obviously, and i just haven't been on Tumblr for a minute, so seeing everything again is having a terrible effect on my psyche (ill live though haha). im just super weird about him and i realize that uhh nobody really knows that. but I'm super . . weird about him and uhhh yeah and um i regret everything lol

im surprised you thought i was a young chinese boy :sob: but. i understand how you could make that.... mistake.....

did you know the :smile: :sob: thing is a discord reference? :sob: is 😭 and :grimace: is 😬. if you're on a phone and u type the emoji out it should probably pop up, and the same thing happened on discord so he. um would do that when posting on Tumblr too out of habit, and i guess it eventually became a Min-Pal staple haha

and yeah he definitely cares about me, and im mad at him because he cares about me and left me his emails and shit to take care of and he did that because he knew im. weird and needed more than old messages and tumblr posts and i . m glad he did do all that and i love having some stuff to hold onto like his Spotify but. it's just upsetting i guess, since you know, id rather have him.

its really funny seeing how other people view him, to me, at least, i guess since i got to see not just him being bad-pathetic but him bad-bad in general (and I'm not going to explain further than this, as i, despite claiming to find it funny, am happier than not that he died with a t least a somewhat positive. Uh. Perception.)

idk I'm not like, a great persoj, and i did Just let him die instead of going to unimaginable lengths. and I regret that everyday, but he was so steadfast. he just didn't care anymore , and he had me to talk to but it was like he didn't care about trying (because once he decided he'd died, what really mattered past that?) Ssorry this is all so congested and contradictory and I make no sense

and, id love to believe you when you say stuff like "you're not alone" but it's terrible because I really am. like it's out of personal fault, but even the people I feel as though I could go to for help, I coukdnt bring myself to,, not when it's anything Too serious,, not to mention the fact I just got dumped because he said I was 'unhealthy' (after 10 months of reassuring me that its ok if I am cuz he'll help... but that's. A whole different thing and has nothing to do with min and I'm just bitter and bringing him up out of.... bitterness.)

and im glad u left the ask mikey i really am

idk it's just kinda sweet. now I feel more like angel and saki..... Auuuhhuhhh

i don't know what to do in any regard currently though so I think I'm just gonna continue mourning something that's been gone for a year now. Someone. and being bitter and upset, and reminiscing and trying his memory into music I like (and emailing my bf. [not considering him an ex] [email cuz he blocked my number] obsessively until he decides to take me back)

[beansnpeets]

I just wanna start by saying I know I don't deserve the way he treats me and I am working on leaving. I'd still like to vent here since I am unable to leave just yet. You absolutely do not need to read these, I'm just getting it out. This one is tw for talk of suicide. Not me, other people.

Jon called me this afternoon, mid meltdown. He went to install a new doorknob at his one rental because the tenant wanted one of those smart ones or whatever, but he shows up and she's lost parts for it so he can't do it. So then he sees that her a/c is dripping inside the wall. Goes to put a drain hole in the right place, does Too Much, like he usually does and wrecked the a/c unit completely. So now he's mad at himself and swearing and upset and in this spiral of "everything sucks, nothing matters, everything I do is fucked, the universe is fucking me" and I don't fucking know what to do because I've heard this meltdown a million times, and yeah, he does get fucked over a lot, but not because he's stupid or anything. It's because he takes on these massive projects, not realizing how massive they are, like owning a rental property, and then when something goes wrong the stress absolutely destroys him. Like I feel bad that he has to deal with as much as he does, but at the same time......he's the one that's put himself in this spot. Same as every other time. He can't handle the massive amounts of responsibility that is required of something like this. He thinks he should be able to just set it and forget it. That if he just takes on all these things everything will just run itself. Like no my dude. You're the one running the ship. You're ultimately responsible for it. It's up to you. And then he's upset because he has all this shit he has to do and all these things piling up and not nearly enough time or energy to deal with it all. My guy. You are chronically ill and disabled and you're taking on more than any able bodied person would take on at one time. No fucking wonder you can't keep up. Fucking STOP. And like he makes enough money with just some of what he's doing that he doesn't need to take all this shit on, yet he does. I don't get it.

Obviously I feel terrible that he feels terrible and I wish I could help, but historically nothing I say helps and so I'm to the point now where I just sit here and go "yeah that sucks ☹️" and that doesn't seem to be what he wants either. Like it's as if he's asking me to fix it or tell him how to or something, but I CANT. I've tried to tell him to talk to his dr about his mental health and he never does, just says he can't remember to or he doesn't know how to explain it. And I tell him to talk to his literal therapist and he says if he isn't actively having a meltdown he can't communicate to her what is going on because he doesn't remember it. And like idk if it's just bullshit? Like is he just trying to elicit an emotional response out of me or is it genuine because at this point I'm starting to wonder. But the dude just can't handle stress at all. His brother is exactly the same and he's seen the toll that has put on the family. Yet he does nothing to deal with his own issues. I think he thinks he doesn't have issues and that it's the universe that is at fault and not him.

And part of why it's taken me so long to make steps to leave is his mental health. I don't know that he wouldn't hurt himself when I leave. He keeps saying he's so depressed and what's the point and he wishes it would end, but like 🤷 the guy I dated in high school threatened to kill himself a bunch of times and scared the absolute fucking lights out of me over it so many times and when I finally broke it off he recovered and he's still alive, probably more fine than before. It just feels like I'm back in that with Jon. It's similar shit to what Alex put me through and I didn't fucking appreciate it the first time and I certainly don't the second time.

I know I can't let his mental health keep me in an unhappy relationship and I know that me being here makes no difference to his mental health, but once I do leave I know it'll be more fuel to the fire that he thinks the universe is out to fuck him over. But, again, he's put himself in this situation. I didn't do this to him. He did this.

I just don't know what to do. When he's melting down and upset and trying to get interaction out of me at those times I do not know what to do. It's been over 5 years and I can't figure it out. Even this morning, he was angry as he was leaving and made some comment and when I didn't reply he scoffed and said something else, in reference to me ignoring him, and then stormed out. Like dude. I'm not going to engage with you when you're ragey and pissy. And he does that all the time. I used to engage, but I just ignore him now and he fucking HATES that. But nothing I do say makes any difference anyway. Sometimes it just winds him up more. Idk what to do. Idk how this guy can be helped. And I know it isn't up to me, but I wish I could at least tell him where to go to get the help he clearly needs. It's just been increasingly frustrating and the more I disengage from the relationship the less tolerance I have for his shit.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary457

12/26-27/24

thursday - friday

very long night,

we left the house at 4, now we're finally getting to relax / be out of a social situation 12 hours later, but the last couple hours were basically cheating, my gf and her bestie / one of her besties were sitting on the couch watching instagram reels. it was rather nice, she was pretty sad about dumping this guy it feels like, or not sad, just complicated and weird, because she's so not used to this whole thing.

however we started the day in the house normal, and were walking around chinatown for a bit before her friends got there, we got boba before and it was like... she did a funny surprise, the place was this chain doing an omori collab, which is very funny to me. i'm not a hater of that game, i played it expecting to hate it, and then i ended up liking it, it charmed me somehow, i think it had just about everything going against it but it won out. it was cute, the milk tea was good but i think the milk made me feel ill, before i started feeling ill, we went to this cute stuff store basically, i found this miku who is making a face like every time you are held captive in a conversation with a guy:

there was also like a little artist alley type deal in that store, which was cute, too much sonny angel trash in there though. i've come to hate those stupid babies. and the green smiski cunts. fuck them.

then we walked to the shanghai plaza area of chinatown, and went into a skincare/makeup store (i suppose i ought to say 'beauty store' instead?), my gf got some makeup and stuff, she just decided to order the skincare off amazon though better prices, mostly. sometimes i feel bad, when she buys stuff, i feel like i wish i wanted more or something or like i should want something so i don't feel stupid being there, or like, i don't know. isn't that stupid? it's pointless and best to not waste money aimlessly. the effect though, is that i feel bad, and want something and don't know what i want, and also i guess i'm worried about running out of stuff we need, and that fear stems from things re: self image and fear of not being able to 'maintain' my face as if it's going to fall apart over night. but i do sometimes think that way, like a curse is going to come for me, bad karma and sin is going to wash over me and make me ugly and expose how evil my soul is or something. some kind of dorian grey deal. or is it gray? no matter, in that store we also saw some other stuff, they sell really excessive japanese sex toys in there, not just like, abstract holes or vibrators, but now like, one is supposed to be a face / mouth / head you throatfuck? and then there are the couple anime girl fake vaginas, it's rather scary, that they're just out, people walk in not knowing that's there... i imagine kids must see them. it's very very strange. the other things were these:

this second my melody has to be the best rendition of her ever... good packaging...

then we walked around more, went into miniso which is a store i basically hate and i started to feel sick in there, and then i had to leave and go sit on a roof and wait to not feel really sick, like i'd puke or something. that went away and her friends slowly started to show up, except one but he showed up late cuz he woke up late and stuff, which was a little sad. we ate at a japanese curry place, it wasn't my favorite really... i've had better curry + katsu elsewhere, but it's nice as an option i suppose? idk. it's fine. i think i was disappointed because i was waiting all day for that... i wanted it to be super good. instead it was just fine.

then we walked around some more, her friend showed up late, her friend who is back from shanghai for a bit just talked about her recent woes and stuff, and stories with her friends. some of my gf's friends have some things they say/do that bother me... like when they hear people do drugs or something they're so shocked, or, i know the guy my gf's friend was with blows, i don't really like him, but him being unemployed is treated so... it frustrates me, it just bites idk, it's an unpleasant way to deal w/ people i think. they're very nice though, i shouldn't give such a shit.

then we went for icecream, i didn't get any because i thought i'd be home sooner and eat some of the pie we have left but we got home really late, because her friends decided to sit in the icecream place for like... 2... 3?? hours?? and it was basically okay but i felt like i was falling asleep and by 11 we left to go home, her friend and her talked a while here, which was nice, she's very good to talk with/ joke around with. we got this dumb huggy wuggy thing from a gacha on the way to la, when we last took a trip there. it was really funny to see so i felt like we had to get it. she kept playing with it, fidgeting with it, in a way that made her seem very nervous or sad. hopefully that dissipates.

here's something odd i saw while out, a man overspraying perfume on himself in his car, to go out i suppose, or maybe to cover something up for his wife? i guess now i think, what if he's cheating, and masking another woman's smell? or maybe he's masking something else, for anyone else, or he really might have been trying to go out... or masking the smell of cigs... anything... could be anything.

when she left i had her hold a cig because it was funny, she looked like a small detective holding it, because of the jacket she was wearing. she dresses very cool, sometimes.

anyhow, here are some photos i took of myself today, i really liked the outfit, kind of strange but cute:

here is a song:

not a lot done, i got a tiny thing written in the notes app though, for something much longer.

what else... idk. tomorrow i will go back to sitting inside all the time and probably not seeing people a lot, it's sort of nice to have all this right now, wish we could all hang out more but the holidays being over will also make seeing some other people easier, my friend will come over and watch me play games soon probably, and we'll just talk about whatever. that's something to look forward to. oh, my gf's friends talked about starting a minecraft server... worried about that. i imagine they'll decide it's not worth the hassle. i don't know why i'm worried. i guess like, what if i like it too much, or something. sometimes i feel so dumb when i play videogames. unless it's like a good one, which really just means it's good in the ways i need things to be good, which makes me kind of a psycho.

oh well,

that's basically it,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kusundei]

aside from that i keep feeling this weird. generalized insecurity. appearance wise.? ive never teally considered my appearance ever since like 7th gradei dont think. but its slightly. affecting me. i dotn knoe why im being insecure? ant why now??? maybe its the thing where i dont feel like i am. attractive perchance. it keeps aidinf into the thing of like. he likes me??? maybe its because i think hes so pretty to me. appearance was never truly an aspect in my eyes but hes just so gorgeous jt neger leaves my mind. perhaps im insecure ab that. and perhaps im neber truly going to beat the ed allegations because mayhe i am focusing on my weight agajn slightly. im trying to fight it i swear, it jsut pops into my head and i fuck myself over by checking my weight every so often. as slightly upset as i was over my mom starting to lock her door (half of it affecting me as in . the conversation i pverheard that day that ruined my relationship eith my mom for the second time, or the other half where i just cant weigh myself) its so odd. perhaps my lhpne too. the horrible camera quality?? idk. just feeling veey odd lately. like i am the ugliest person pn the planetfor no reason but i dont believe anyone is truly ugly. its just so. odd.? its not even a dysphoria thing thjs tjme its jhst. me. me hating myself again for no reason. god forbid im too insecure,,

its just like. god. i want to be evrrything for him. i cant truly elaborate nor explain how truly infatuated i am with him. fhe shit id sacrifice. how i want to spend truly every moent eith him. how id drop anything and everythint in a heart beat to just be there. but then i feel so selfish. i feel like too much and j feel insecure and i cant fight the feeling. its horrible rifht now because im jist. laying here. in his hoodie. typing. listening to my tweaking playlist but not crying anymore. i just. want to be there. as selfish as it sounds i just want to be there right now because i want to hug him. i want him to tell me ill be okay and im not selfish or a burden. that im okay to feel things. that i can be vulnerable with him and id truly believe it without a doubt in my mind. to just cry. and feel it. to be treated with a gentleness ive never experienced before. to be comfortable. he fills me with a comfort ive never felt before yet im so scared to embrace it whole heartedly. im afraid. im always so scared and im sick of it, but i cant stop feeling that way. to trust him as blindly as i did with jd because i know he truly cares im just. so scared pf driving him away.? god forbid i am truly selfish and horrible at my core , he just doesnt know it yet anf im scared to show that. scared to show who i am truly. but then i think ablut it and rationalize and realizd no im not horrible? but i keep going back and forth. its just so. tiring. i want to be there for him because i know . i know and i understand . and i want to only be there for him. to not have to burden him with me and my feelings but i also am just . a selfish person .

i know it poebablt doesnt sound very selfish truly i just. feel that way. anything i do for myself is so selfish to me. ive been selfish my whole life. called selfish when all ihe ever tried to do is be selfless and cate for others. tp put others first before everything. to not tale up space. to just be but to not truly exist. to impact people but not leave my footprints behind. to care but not to be loved. i am sick. i feel sick. i feel selfish. i just want to be able to feel things without condemning myself i think. fo leabe the insecurity behind and be pkay for you but im . so scared. sososo scared. its terrifying. i just. truly. i wishyoy were here. i wish you were but im also glad youre not. that youre not seeing me like this. as pathetic as i can get but i also want you to. i want you to help me, but not eben just help i just want you. i want you over and over again and i think this is as selfish as ill ever truly get. thag i want you this much. that it physically hurts me. i just am feeling so torn now. and so. so tired. inwant to cry but i cant. i want to cry in your arms but thats so selfish. i wish i could stop being such a selfish person perchance, but god forbid i just. need you. and god forbid youre texting me and telling me you love me truly and im jsjt. god. all i want sometimes (all the time) is to just bury my face into your neck. to feel your arms around me and to intertwine myself against you too. to take in every inch of you. to feel your heartbeat against mine - to pull back and have your touch and your smell still linger on me. to feel truly at peace despite how bad i can be sometimes. how selfish i am to want to be anything at all for you. to want you. to need you. but its all i can truly think about always

i feel fucking awful

no bcuz i dont know whatsbhappening. i felt it halfway during photography and i just assumed i ws really tired and i am but god. osmethjng horrible js happenjng . god forbid i am connected to my boyfriend and we r linked. doomed to tweak atthe same time. and i feel awful bcuz why do i feel so shit when he does too. and wby does my mom keep pesterjng me??? i come in to be lashed and j expected it but also like god fhckjng forbid i feel awful. leave me be. why are you lashing me? and why do u leep bringing yp joanthan? like yeah him bekng upset eill sway me but god i just fuckinf cant. and she forced me to eat and i feel horrible because i am so full. god flrbid i will never beat thjs. i am doomed to have such a horrible relatiknship with food and j am doomed to hurt over and over again and god why do i feel so sososoawful??? i need them to leave. they said they would for the ultrasound. i need them to go so i cantweak in peace and just. cry. i want to cry so bad as much as i hate saying jt cuz its so embarassing but god i neeed. to sob. or somethjng. tweaking (winter) playlist is playing anyway and i feel so awful i need to. maybe it really is jdjt be feeling really tired but i need thjs to go. i nedd it gone i sont want to fesl like this chat

[quackywastaken]

.

[w0nnielov3]

enha hyung line - calling them another members name

layla's note

hehe ,, someone suggested this so here I am :p (these are kinda long ,, and i got carried away with jakes ...heh)

warning!!: lowercase intended ,, curse word (one) ,, not proofread :)

Heeseung

heeseungs is in the middle of playing video games with the younger members when he hears you shout from the kitchen "hey jay- heeseung...sorry- can you come to look at this." he doesn't realize the slip up at first as he makes his way towards the kitchen. once he reached you it fully registers what you just said: "did you just confuse me for jay?" doesn’t really take it to heart since he knows you and jay have been hanging out quite a lot lately since you both found out that you had a common interest in cooking. apologizing about the minor slip up you quickly show him what you got him from the art store. "I got you this,, and jay said you might like it a lot." okay so maybe heeseung did take it a little bit to heart ...you hung out with jay way too much. "you've been hanging out with jay a lot ...you should hang out with me I mean I am idk YOUR boyfriend, now I want you to think of doings and reflect on them, and thank you for the gift ill put it up on our wall." taking the gift you got him he kissed you on the cheek and walked back to your shared room with a little grin on his face as he saw your startled look before leaving.

Jay

you and jay are currently shopping for his family ,, they invited you guys over and you wanted to get them the best gifts in the world. "okay so sung- JAY- heh ...what do you think your grandmother would like?" hearing his members name slip out your mouth he quickly shot his head up and looked straight at you in confusion. trying to play it cool you looked around at the clothing that was hanging on the wall. he helped you pick something out for your grandmother without uttering a word about your slip up ...that was before you guys exit the store that he turned towards you; "stop hanging around sunghoon so much , you somehow manage to mix our names up ..which I'd like to say aren't even close to similar , nor do we look alike." he then held your hand and walked towards the food court like he didn't just scold you for mixing his name with his members. even though jay wouldn't admit it he would be a littleeeeeee jealous at the name mix up but not too much because he knows your his and vise versa.

Jake

"niki !!" snapping his head up jake looked around to see if he would spot his member too who you just called out to. before it hit him ...you guys aren't in Korea why would his member be there? looking towards you as you walked his way, he replied ...or questioned: "yess?" he was a little lost on why you called out the younger boy instead of him. he tried to brush it off as a mistake but ...the names aren't even similar? but you have been hanging around niki a lot recently so maybe that's why? but you haven't seen niki in a week so that doesn- "Jake!!" snapping out of his little daze he blinked at you. "yeah?" he looked over at his dog, layla, who was now sitting next to you playing with a toy bunny you got her at a dog store before leaving Korea. "you dazed off ,, what's wrong?" he thought for a second thinking on either or not to confess his feelings. thinking it through he couldn't really lie to you since he knows you will be able to see right through him. "why did you call niki's name and not mine? is it because you've been hanging out with him a lot? It would be odd since you haven't seen him in a week? is he bett-" you cut him off by tackling him into a bear hug with layla joining into the hug right after ..even though she just jumped on top of you guys. you laugh at Jake's rambling. "Jake you're saying nonsense ...niki is like my brother and i said his name on purpose to see your reactions ,, I'm sorry love." will only accept your apology if you give him a dozen kisses.

Sunghoon

At the ice skating rank with sunghoon you’d randomly come up with the idea of miss calling your boyfriend. "sunoo come help me please." probably doesn't realize you said someone else's name instead of his ,, you guys were in an empty skating rink ...why would you be speaking to someone who isn't him? He made his way towards you unbothered while helping you back on the ice making sure to hold both your hands securely to make sure you don't fall. It doesn't hit Sunghoon till maybe ten minutes later that you called him by his members' name. "wait .. why did you call me sunoo?" is kind of confused at your actions but just lets it slide while he continues to glide on the ice still holding onto your hands. after a few ,, he probably notices your disappointed face after you said it was a mistake and you didn't mean to call him someone else's name ,, which more than likely made him realize you said his members' names on purpose and not because it was an accident ...you were very close to sunoo but why would you ever mess their names up? sunghoon wouldn't believe such bafoonery. "you did that on purpose right?" will probably let your hands go and skate away from you once you nod your head at his question ,, "good luck not busting your ass." ...he was joking he returned in less than two minutes because quote on quote "your hands might get cold ...and next time you forget ,, im sunghoon the one and only love of your life."

© w0nnielov3

[megsironthrone]

Shy

Based on this request: Could you write something with Oberyn? idk something along the lines of you being a Lannister and usually being brave and outspoken, but everytime Oberyn is close by, the reader just gets like really shy, and Oberyn is like teasing them. ^_^

Here you are! *Familiar Characters are NOT mine!*

Warnings: Slight angst, Surprise kiss??(consent is hot, people!), Oberyn is a warning all on his own.

Pairings/Characters: Oberyn Martell x Lannister!reader, Oberyn x Ellaria

Like most Lannisters, you had no trouble letting your opinions be heard. You were outspoken and headstrong to a fault. Every bit the Lannister lion. That is until he came into your life. Oberyn Martell was the only person in the world that could turn you into a shy, stuttering mess. And he knew it too! He never missed an opportunity to point it out.

"Such a proud lion brought to silence by the Dornish viper? I never thought I would see the day, Flower," he teased you, earning a laugh from Ellaria and a half-hearted glare from you. In truth, you couldn't help but clam up around him. His whole demeanor just oozed sensuality and power. You were drawn to it, but were powerless to actually do anything about it. Your tongue simply wouldn't work around him.

Oberyn was a lot of things. Brazen, crass, and handsome. He could have anyone in his bed in a matter of minutes if he wanted to. You knew that. You wanted to be like that. To be so bold as to tell the gorgeous man that you wanted him. You wanted him in your life more than anything at this point. But your family raised you differently (though Tyrion was the exception to that). Maybe that was why you were actually so shy around Oberyn.

Something else Oberyn was, was observant. He noticed how your face would light up when he entered the room. How you would open and close your mouth several times before summoning up the courage to talk to him. He saw the way your pupils dilated when you were close to him and how you seemed to gravitate to him even though you couldn't speak very much. Oberyn hated to be the reason anyone was ill-at-ease, especially someone he admired the way he did you.

Oberyn asked Ellaria to give the two of you a moment and he dismissed Baelish's employees. They all left, leaving only you and Oberyn. "Something is troubling you," he stated, "Have I offended you, Flower?" You looked into his eyes and shook your head. "You could never," you whispered. He smiled before reaching over to take one of your hands in his.

"Tell me what troubles you, my Y/N." You blinked in surprise. Oberyn had to hold back a chuckle at the effect his words had on you. "I think I may-that is, I think I might-" you couldn't get the words out and you groaned. Oberyn took a step closer. He hooked your chin with his fingers, making you look at him. "What is it?" he asked quietly. You surprised him for a brief second when, in a moment of uncharacteristic boldness, you leaned in and kiss him.

Before Oberyn could respond, you pulled back with a soft noise. "I'm sorry," you said and then? You were gone. Oberyn hardly registered the fact that you were no longer right in front of him. It wasn't even the fact that you'd kissed him. It was the intimacy of the kiss that had thrown him. He'd shared many kisses in his life with many people, but none had felt as soft and pure as the one you'd just bestowed upon him.

So why were you apologizing? Was it the fact that you kissed him without asking first? That could be it, but he'd often told you how much he'd wanted to kiss you. Perhaps you'd thought he had been teasing. Or maybe you were angry with yourself for feeling anything for him at all. Oberyn didn't know, but now that he'd felt your lips once, he wanted to feel them again.

His brain took about 20 seconds to catch up before he was on his feet, desperate to catch you before you left the brothel for good. Lucky for him, you didn't move quickly as to not draw attention to yourself. Oberyn was able to catch up and gently grip your wrist.

"Wait, please Flower," he asked. You turned back to him and he could see tears forming in your eyes. "Come with me, please?" Not wanting people to think he'd hurt you, you nodded. He lead you back to his empty room and poured you a goblet of the Dornish wine he'd brought with him to King's Landing. "I'm sorry," you said again, "I shouldn't have-" Oberyn gently soothed you. "You've nothing to apologize for, Y/N. Nothing at all. I am unaccustomed to you being bold. Your gesture was not at all unwanted, though I appreciate your consideration of my feelings on the matter. I know it is important to you. I have wanted to kiss you for weeks now. I thought I'd made that clear."

For moment, you simply stared at him. Oberyn was a notorious flirt after all. How did you know he wasn't teasing you now? "What happens now then?" you finally asked. Oberyn's grin grew. "Whatever you want. I can take you to bed, we can leave King's Landing together, or you can tell me to leave you alone and you'll never see me again. I leave the choice to you, Beloved."

"And what of Ellaria?" Oberyn chuckled. Of course you would be considering everyone else's feelings above your own in this. "For a moment, forget about her. If she were not in my life, what would you want without hesitation?" he asked. You bit your lip but replied that you would want him to take you away from King's Landing.

"Does that change when you picture Ellaria?" You shook your head immediately. While you didn't harbor the romantic feelings for Ellaria that Oberyn did (at least not at the time), you knew you couldn't destroy another person's happiness. You weren't like the rest of your family that put their needs and desires above others. "Then there is no problem, my love. Ellaria knows who I am. She knows that I love her, but that I have room in my heart to love more than just her. If you wish for me to end my relationship with her, I shall. You have been forced into unhappiness for too long and I wish for you to see joy in life."

Once more, you shook your head. "I-I think I can accept that you will be with both of us. But only us. And I do not wish anyone to come between you two anymore than I want Ellaria or anyone else to come between you and I." Oberyn drew closer to you and slowly wrapped his arms around your waist.

"I can agree to that. And if Ellaria cannot, then she is not the woman I thought she was. I love you and I want your happiness, just as I wish for hers. You are the only two people who matter to me besides my children. Nothing will change that." It was your turn to smile shyly and Oberyn laughed softly as he rested his forehead against yours.

(a/n: I hope this is what you were looking for!)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @brewsthespirit-blog @etherealpotter @line-viper @frozenhuntress67 @cd1242 @gruffle1 @smalltownbigheart @igotmadskills

[tealenko]

Okay

I've been saying that I wanted to write this for a while now, so I can read it whenever I catch a cold. What better day to write it than N7 day!! Hope you like the soup!

Summary: Shepard has the flu and needs to deal with the fact that, despite what she thinks, it's okay to let others take care of you once in a while.

Fandom: fShepard x Kaidan Alenko Words: 1416 Rating: idk, there's fluff and they kiss

Read in AO3 -> [link]

---------------------------------

“Shh…” Kaidan grabs her by the wrist to softly pull her hand down. “Let me do it.”

He leans forward and, with all the care in the universe, slides one of his hands to cup the back of her neck.

“I don’t need any…” Shepard attempts to say, but her voice quickly fails her. 

“See…” He smiles at her for a few seconds. “You don’t have to do all by yourself, Shep.”

She smiles back at him and finally surrenders, which allows him to move her a little forwards to place a new pillow behind her head.

“Now, was that so hard?”

Shepard hits him playfully, which she regrets instantly, investing an amount of effort in the whole movement that she shouldn’t have.

“Auch…” Kaidan sighs and caresses her arm before dedicating her a new smile. “I know, I know… You don’t have to say it.”

A wave of cold runs through her body, making her shiver. She huffs and turns her head to stare at the ceiling, extremely mad at her own body for not being able to avoid catching an illness as basic as the common human flu.

“I wasn’t going to…” Kaidan grabs a new blanket and tucks her in before getting up from the sofa, leaving her room to lay more comfortably on it. “Do you need anything else?”

“No.”

Shepard rolls over herself, becoming one massive burrito wrapped by many blankets, giving her back to Kaidan, who can’t avoid smiling at the whole situation.

He stares at her for a few more seconds before his eyes travel somewhere else. 

Once his focus is not only fixed on Shepard he’s able to take in the current state of her room, and quickly decides to do something about it.

Kaidan spends a few minutes picking up her clothes from the ground and throwing away all the used tissues she’s been leaving behind for the past few days while she was trying to convince him, and herself, that she wasn't sick at all.

Once he’s finished, he gets closer to where she is, and squats next to the sofa to be at the same level as her.

“Sure you don’t want anything?” He almost whispers, not sure if she’s fallen asleep while he was cleaning. “You no longer have a fever, so if you want to e..”

“It’s okay.” She interrupts him. “I’m okay.” She lies, not very sure which of them is that sentence trying to fool. 

“Okay then…” Kaidan sighs and stands up. "I'll let you rest." He replies, knowing perfectly well what he needs to do next to have his own way in this matter.

He walks all the way to the door, grateful that she isn't looking at him, knowing he would be unable to hide the smirk forming on his face. 

"Oh…" He says the moment he reaches the doorway. "I almost forgot… I was about to make my dinner, you mind if I eat it here?” Kaidan fakes a moment of hesitation. “I hate eating alone…” He adds in a mellow tone of voice. “But I don’t want to bother you…”

One moment of silence.

Two moments of silence.

Three moments of silence.

“It’s okay… ” She finally replies, almost whispering. “I don’t mind.”

Shepard feels so tired that she’s under the impression that her eyelids have a will of their own, insisting on closing despite all her efforts to stay awake. 

They succeed without any difficulty.   

The feeling of Kadan’s hand combing softly her hair is the last thing she registers before losing the battle, and she is fully asleep by the time that he stands up and leaves the room.

Her dreams swallow her right away, as they always do, dragging her into the darkness of the deepest corners of her mind, to fight the only battles she hasn't discovered how to win.

She’d usually spend the whole night trapped in them, jumping from nightmare to nightmare until her demons vanish along with the twilight, allowing her a daylight of calmness before they attempt to drown her all over again when the sun goes down.

Nevertheless, this time around, something is different.

She is uncertain if it’s been a few minutes or a few hours since she fell asleep, but she knows that the day it’s still the same because, what wakes her up this time around, it’s not the daybreak, but the herby and sweet smell of something inside her room.

“Hey there…” Kaidan greets her, once she’s able to sit up on the couch, after a long minute of her struggling to get rid of all the blankets. “Feeling better?”

“Hum…” Shepard replies as she wipes her eyes, getting used to the light in her room as she comes back to reality.

“Good.” He says back.

Once she’s fully awake she takes a moment to look around, quickly finding the source of the smell that woke her up.

Kaidan is having his dinner not too far from where she is, sitting in a chair with a big bowl of soup and, as her head keeps moving, she finds, in a nearby table, another one for her.

She stares at him for a while, but his eyes stay focused on his meal so, after a few moments of hesitation, she grabs the bowl and starts eating.

They dine in silence, enjoying the warm soup, the chicken and the noodles and, once both of them have finished, Kaidan picks up their bowls and spoons.

“I’m gonna clean this and I’ll be back in a sec…” He tells her. “Need anything from the outside world?”

She shakes her head a couple of times.

“Okay.” He replies before heading to the door. “Be right back.”

She looks at him as he starts to walk away, and something inside her, without any kind of warning, decides to talk before consulting her brain or the usual mechanisms in charge of filtering all her thoughts.

“Wait.” Shepard says, surprising both herself and Kaidan at the same time, who turns around to look at her with a dumbfounded expression on his face. “I…”

She struggles to talk, as she always does, but he’s used to it by now, so he gives her all the time she needs, placing all he was carrying on top of the table and sitting right next to her to do as he was asked, wait.

“Thank you, Kai.” 

She finally says, blushing a little. 

“I’m… I’m not used to relying on someone… On anyone, and… I know I’m not the easiest…”

Kaidan interrupts her mid sentence by pulling her closer into a hug.

“My pleasure.” He whispers, as his arms wrap softly around her waist. “I like to take care of you.” She feels a tremble in his voice as he finishes his sentence. “For as long as you need me.” 

He smiles and pulls back a little to look into her eyes, dedicating her the biggest and purest smile she’s ever seen in her entire life.

“Erm…” Shepard freezes for a second before pushing him a little, unable to hold his gaze, as she does her best to hold back a rogue tear from falling through her face. “Right.”

“What?” Kaidan teases her, getting closer. “Now you can’t look at me?” 

He laughs and moves a couple of times, trying to regain eye contact with her. 

“If you want me here you’ll have to get used to this kind of moment, Shep.”

“...” She rolls her eyes and looks away for a few seconds.

“I mean, after all we’ve been thr…”

“Okay.” She is the one interrupting him this time around, taking one last moment to regain all her courage and finally look at him.

“Okay?” He asks her, both marveled and confused by her statement. “What’s okay?”

“I’ll get used to it…” Shepard’s words travel fast to hit right into Kaidan’s heart, who wasn’t expecting to hear them at all. “...Or at least I’ll do my best.” 

She grabs one of his hands before smiling at him, using her thumb to caress him while her words do everything they can to catch up with her feelings. 

“You know that these sorts of things aren't really my forte…”

She leans forward a little and Kaidan finishes the movement for her, sharing a kiss, soft and tender, that lingers for a few seconds on their lips after it fades away.

“But for you, Kai…” She adds, without hesitation, as their eyes meet again. “For you I’m willing to try.”

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Yeah, as I said, tons of fluff. It's me, what were you expecting? ehehehehe Happy N7 day!! ~~tea