#anyway see ya I’m gonna go and rewatch the roommates date

[jemmo]

his man 2 ep 8 and 9 thoughts!!!! I started ranting bc a lot happened and I didn’t cover everything (ill rewatch later with my mom and sister) so ill put it under a read more, but tl;dr

POETIC CINEMA ^^^^^^^^^

there is…. so much to unpack. but let me start of with YES and YES. yes to everything about sungho and junsung’s date, and yes to everything about minsung and hyungjun’s date. and having them sandwich the date between yonghee and seonwoo shows me even more how different the vibe and interactions are, bc yonghee and seonwoo together had like this melancholy… idk how else to describe it, maybe bc seonwoo planned for this to be with sungho, but he just felt emotionally removed. I get that he might’ve felt unexpectedly weird bringing someone to where he works and those worlds clashing, but even after, it leaves me with a bad taste that yonghee was so forward and sharing and honest and when he tried to ask seonwoo something he couldn’t get a solid answer in return. the whole point of these two dating was to determine whether there was something there, and still seonwoo can’t give him anything to be certain about. and just when I felt like yonghee could start to look elsewhere, he’s tied down to these unanswered questions bc of the possibility there is something there. we’ve made no progress, and it’s frustrating.

and completely 180 to that… god. i could gush about that sungho and junsung date forever. it’s the way it felt both comfortable and familiar but also new and exciting, like they were the same people they’ve always been and didn’t let the pressure that this is a proper date effect their behaviour, and instead just let it feel exciting, let it take it’s course and see what happens, and i love that. i love that they could take nonsense and bicker and also talk about more serious things and there was never any tension. and just the closeness, the ease in each others presence, not even doing anything, just going to eat and chat and walk by the beach, like they don’t need an activity to bring them together or break the ice bc they’re past that. god it just felt so electric and soothing and I don’t know how that’s possible but I adored every second. and i cannot believe they then left us on the cliffhanger of what that voicemail is and then gave us that preview bc I don’t want to think about all the other mess, pls just let me be happy for now.

and sticking on being happy for now, minsung and hyungjun. minsung and hyungjunnnnnnnnn god it’s happening all over again. he may not be showing it as boldly as junsung did to sungho, but I know that hyungjun is down for minsung just as bad. the way he watches him and just smiles and is so endeared, god it’s sickening to watch people in love. but again, their date was so comfortable, the way you could see hyungjun trying so hard to do everything he wanted and express himself properly after being misunderstood before, and minsung being able to mess with him and tease him, like I can see them both endearing themselves to each other so well, it’s so good. and don’t even talk to me about them dozing off, don’t even talk about the list, don’t even talk about the dumb couple rings, it’s just too much I could scream. and I love love LOVE how minsung approached hyungjun after agreeing to hyungjin after refusing him, hyungjun worrying about the situation and him just saying just give me a yes or no, as to say don’t worry about others, that’s my stuff to deal with, but I’m making this decision so just respond to that, like… how good is that. minsung i adore you.

as for hyungjin and jungwook… sigh. a lot happened but i almost can’t bring myself to talk about it. the date was lovely, but the whole time my heart was breaking thinking that jungwook had planned this for yonghee, after that first date and them talking about dogs, like he really wanted to further that connection, it meant something to him, and that breaks me. and it breaks me that this misunderstanding muddies the comfort and encouragement he felt from hyungjin bc it clearly moved him, even though there’s no affection. I do appreciate hyungjin for wanting to clear that up and not have jungwook misunderstand his intent, but I just think the way hyungjin approached it, and approaches things generally, he can come off very serious mostly bc I think he does like to have things resolved, he doesn’t want to have these worries lingering, but jungwook is very chill, and I don’t think he’s offended at all by hyungjin clearing up that there’s no affection bc I don’t think he felt that either. it was very clear to him that this was friendly, so that being verbalised I don’t think hurt him, but for hyungjin to say he wouldn’t have gone on the date after the fact, I can see how that would hurt jungwook after sharing so much. it did feel like hyungjin was stepping in to something much more intimate that he wasn’t prepared for, and like he was experiencing something he shouldn’t be, like it wasn’t for him, but in the face of jungwook doing that anyway and sharing himself, yes clear up that it wasn’t with affection, but don’t then backtrack. I get that he doesn’t want to take it back and their meaning does get lost when they talk, he’s saying he wouldn’t have gone bc he didn’t want to create a situation that can be misunderstood. the mission card says invite a crush and by inviting him, that implies something so he’s saying I wouldn’t have gone with you bc I don’t feel that way. there’s good intent there, and I don’t think it is that deep, I just hope it doesn’t leave either of them feeling bad.

and finally, god I can’t believe I have to wait 2 full weeks to hear all these voicemails, but the ones we did get… wow. i was expecting hyungjin’s voicemail to be for either seonwoo or yonghee, and while I would’ve preferred yonghee bc I want someone to say those exact words to him, stop waiting around and explore other options, im also kinda glad it was for seonwoo, if only bc I want other people to play on his mind and keep him away from sungho, but then he does call him so I guess not. i mean… it’s pure opinion at this point, and I want seonwoo to keep away bc I like sungho with junsung so much, but I can’t exactly sit and complain that he’s sticking to him if he has genuine feelings, it just maddens me that I can never know what’s going on in sungho’s mind. I just know that when I hear that full voicemail of sungho to junsung next week I might cry. i mean… you’ve waited a long time??? god you know how to destroy both me and junsung. I’m just so glad junsung is actually getting these things now tho, that he has something to have faith and strength in that this isn’t all pointless. and the yonghee voicemail… I just adore him, and I can’t help feel like all his charm is wasted on seonwoo bc he is just so lovely, and I’m glad he is finding meaning and comfort in other relationships, and I’m so glad seonwoo didn’t get a voicemail from him bc it sends this ever so subtle message of he won’t go after you forever. those feelings can only be unwavering up to a point. look and sungho and junsung. idk if junsung would’ve given up if he got notbing back, but the fact he is getting signals in return gives him the faith to keep going. if seonwoo continues to not reciprocate in a meaningful way, I just need him to know that yonghee will not be there forever, and I hope that not getting a voicemail tells him that.

[bronanlynch]

recent media consumption summary time

could’ve sworn the last one was only two weeks ago but apparently it was three. sorry for becoming unmoored from the passage of linear time

listening: you know when you use a song lyric as a fic title and then you get that song stuck in your head for the next week? anyway Whirlpool by Sea Wolf sure is a song that I enjoy and also have had stuck in my head for a week. I feel like I should have smarted musical things to say here but I like Sea Wolf, they’re nice to listen to, they’re sad man with guitar music without being identical to every other sad man with guitar band

reading: finished my reread of Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, and my main thought this time around is that I love Kaz with my whole entire heart. also love a good multi-layered heist scheme. also also Wylan/Jesper is cute but I do think they don’t get nearly as much relationship development as the two m/f couples and like, I really like these books but that is very much a trend especially in sff YA these days

also finished Lord Seventh (Qi Ye) by Priest and. god I love the characters so much. a friend group can just be a bunch of horrible gay people pining for each other and betraying each other in order to save each other’s lives. extremely tasty. also,

(I would say that missed opportunity is my one complaint but like. my actual main complaint is that as much as I love the characters, I think that if the racism in your text is blatant enough that I, a white american with very little knowledge of the specific racial coding happening can pick up on it, then it’s uh. probably pretty blatant and that’s Not Great)

also did some pride month impulse purchases at my local indie bookstore, including Molly Knox Ostertag’s The Girl from the Sea, a lesbian selkie graphic novel, which did so many things to my heart. first of all the art is so pretty

second of all, I too have been lonely and starting to realize that I’m gay while living in a beach town with a summer tourism economy, drifting apart from a friend group that I didn’t feel like I was part of and wishing I was literally anywhere else even though I loved the ocean. third of all, gay selkies

also read The Witch King by H.E. Edgmon which I enjoyed even though I am definitely not the target audience for first person present tense novels, even if those novels are portal fantasies about fae power struggles and arranged marriages. I really enjoyed the three main characters and their relationships, and the worldbuilding was fun, though the twist at the end (and lots of parts of the ending tbh) felt a little bit abrupt to me. also, and this is a personal thing, but someday I would love to read a fantasy novel with a transmasc character that actually feels like it reflects my experiences. I guess that’s part of the problem with looking for this in YA, but that’s where I tend to see transmasc protagonists so here I am. anyway, valid for anyone but especially trans teens to want to read a narrative about someone being loud and open about their identity but that’s not my experience. which I think is why I tend to construct my own trans narratives around characters who like, aren’t canonically trans but have themes about lying and hiding and being defensive about their image because *that’s* a trans experience I actually relate to.

I’ve started In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens, which is not a book I intended to buy but 1) look at the cover

2) I am weak for gay people on the sea. it’s fun so far, I’m not expecting any sort of in-depth anything about royal power but it’s cute and light and I’m having a good time. my main complaint is again a personal thing, which is not actually a complaint about the book itself and more about twitter discourse about how there should never be homophobia in sff that takes place in different worlds and how we’ve had enough of that so everything should take place in a world where it’s fine and normal to be queer. and again, that’s fine! I do enjoy books like that! I am currently enjoying a book like that! but again, I have a harder time relating to characters whose queerness isn’t mediated by fear the way mine is (this book sidesteps that by making the main character a very anxious person, which helps increase the relatability, but also. there’s this whole thing about how people distrust him and there are rumors about his ~perversion and yeah it’s about his secret hidden magic but. felt very weird to have that set-up and then not have homophobia play any part in the way other people talk about him, y’know? like please, stigmatized magic as a parallel for stigmatized sexuality is Right There)

watching: finished Nirvana in Fire and am having lots of normal and moderate emotions about it. belongs in my mental categories of “media I want to consume over and over again and take it apart and figure out how to write like that” and also “things I want to rewatch when I have enough energy to appreciate it” because I do think if I weren’t so tired these days I could’ve tried to have predictions instead of waiting for the characters to explain their plans to me, as much as I do love it when attractive people smirk at the screen and monologue about their schemes

also watched most of Castlevania season 4 (I have 3 episodes left) and it’s. well. it’s not Good but it’s a lot better than season 3. however, I only care about a few of the plotlines and everything else is kinda boring. I like Alucard’s plotline and I like Greta and I liked the two scenes where Hector and Isaac interacted and I liked the vampire lesbians deciding that being gay was more important to them than doing war crimes. cannot be bothered to care about anything else though, especially St. Germain. more importantly, Alucard’s new look fucks. love the whole cape + tits out thing.

finally got around to watching the end of the first season of Elementary and once again, I enjoy it when people explain complicated plans to me. love a good mystery. also, predictably, I’m in love with Moriarty. her first two dates with Sherlock are about art forgery and Roman artifacts in the London sewers, how was I supposed to *not* fall in love with her. also every time she interacts with Joan after the reveal has extremely homoerotic energy. ladies is it gay to become psychosexually obsessed with a woman who outplotted you

also, very importantly, my roommate realized I’d never seen Tsubasa OVAs, and they sure are an experience. I read the entire manga in like two days in a fugue state last winter and remember very little of the plot of the second half of the story, so the second OVA which is like. a random section of the late plot was kind of a lot to try to process at once, though I do appreciate one of the main ships doing a Gift of the Magi thing except instead of selling treasured possessions to get each other gifts they’re sacrificing parts of themselves. however the first one is my favorite arc, because it should not surprise anyone that the post-apocalyptic vampire arc is my favorite. also, I don’t need to remember the actual plot to remember and appreciate how much of an Eliot-core character Fai is. look at him. prettyboy ice wizard pretending to be flirty and performatively useless to hide his trauma. also he’s a vampire. he sets off the cosplay and gender envy parts of my brain so much

playing: nothing new since last time, just more Tidepools and Beam Saber. maybe someday I will play a video game again

making: got to cook for just the two of us last week instead of having to find something that everyone would eat, so Zan and I finally got to make chicken marsala from this recipe and it was extremely good. next time we’re gonna double the mushrooms though I think, the recipe didn’t make quite enough compared to the amount of chicken

someday I will make non-food things again but unfortunately, when most of your energy has to go to either cooking and cleaning for other people or trying to get other people to cook and clean,

writing: posted three new fics: the Persona selkie AU, the Nirvana in Fire miserable sapphic makeout fic, and a slice-of-life Persona fic for an exchange, and worked on a couple of other things that are still secret for zine reasons

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, well today was pretty good. Fairly calm and fairly productive. I set my alarm for 1 so I could get a good amount of sleep and still have time to be somewhat productive. So I woke up then, and decided I wanted hard boiled eggs (my preferred way to have eggs) so I set to making those while also redoing my pill box which was very necessary. I then got to work during my hair which was so overdue, and I wanted it to look good for HVFF this weekend (even though it doesn't go with my cosplay, idc, I don't like wigs). I couldn't find my reusable gloves though, so I went the ghetto route and used plastic bags lol which made it a little more difficult but it mostly worked out okay. While that was processing I ate and went on my computer checking some things out, and decided to make an instacart order while I had some time because I was very out of food and I know I won't be able to go grocery shopping this weekend like I normally do since I'll be at HVFF. So I did that then hopped in the shower to get my hair dye out, which turned out very nice. I then started working on perfecting my appellate brief, making final edits to structure and adding necessary transitions and all that. Did that, got groceries delivered, then got ready and headed to school for crim pro. Class was fine, I got called on for the one fucking case I didn't brief, but she let me pass since we get one of those and it's been like 4 weeks since I read the damn case anyway because we're so ridiculously behind and it was just spring break too. But during it I mostly put final edits on my appellate brief. I had to add a paragraph about a case that I had emailed my prof about, because westlaw was insisting it was overruled, but that was by a different circuit??? Meaning it's not binding. It's a weird situation but somehow it remains good law so I had to add that in, and ended up like 100 words over (typical) so then I had to go back and cut words, which wasn't too hard since I had previously been stretching them out a bit to meet the word count in the first place. We finished around 8 which was good, headed home and watched Smash for a while with my roommate since she's rewatching it. I haven't seen it since it aired, which was quite a while ago. Jeremy Jordan is such a baby there haha but of course he's incredibly talented as always. Then we watched some of the office, which was classic. So I didn't watch tonight's Arrow, which I'm pretty indifferent to at the moment, lol. Not exactly going nuts to see it anymore. And yeah, that was my day. Tomorrow we have work, and the child death case is back up. Hopefully it will be the end and will result in the parental rights being terminated and the kids available for adoption by their foster parents. I'll tell ya, I've never been this eager to see parental rights terminated. Those kids have already been through hell and they deserve parents who will love and cherish them, instead of neglect them so horrifically. I'm confident the rights will get terminated, it's just a matter of if it happens tomorrow or gets dragged out a little longer. My supervisor was talking about arguments to make, and he said basically the PD's best argument was the kids are Hispanic and the foster parents are all white, but like, are you really gonna prioritize race over how they actually treat the kids? And it's not like they won't have other Hispanic influence on their lives (something specifically addressed at the last court date). So it's just a matter of time really. And then I'm going to the kickboxing gym for a class, then small group. Should be good. And now I'm gonna get some sleep so I can be fairly awake while doing all that (hopefully, anyway). Goodnight my fellow fangirls and boys. Have a lovely evening.