#but now i have to bc there are spoilers everywhere when i try to look anything up about the series!!

[zodiac-monkey]

[eggmeralda]

I need a massive sudden hyperfixation shock to happen again

[mariaace]

They're here. 'Yes, yes wait- WHAT?!'

A/n: BLLK SEASON 2!!! also haven't posted in a while hehe >< I hope you guys enjoy this!

Summary: Their reaction to seeing you at the Bllk x U20 match.

Warnings: Fluff, angst on Chigiri if you squint your eyes, also!! Spoiler for after the match obviously, a lot of sweetness, established releshionship, that's all I think

Pairings: Isagi, Bachira, Chigiri, Yukimiya, Otoya,

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Isagi

You?? Came to see him?? He is so proud of himself, almost as much as you are. The moment he saw you sitting next to his parents tho. Oh this boy panics. Then he suddenly sees you laughing and smiling with his mom, he can't help but smile too. Bachira immediately notices and smirks at Isagi. Always looks at you at the warm up, but again, trying to refrain himself from it, because of a few reasons. Tho the moment the match starts? Oh, he is as concerned as ever. His parents are even surprised and you have to be like 'Don't worry, that's normal.' After it all ends tho, ohh such a sweetheart with that smile. 'I wanna hug you, but I'm sweaty' type of guy🙏🏻. PLEASE say how proud you are for him.

Bachira

You came!!! Omg!!!!! Hii!!! Waving at you the whole time!! Smiling is as big as his face. Actually made you run to the bottom of the audience just so he could hug you from the court. Points exactly where his mom is and is like 'Please sit next to her!!'. He is sooo excited about the match in general, let alone when you two are watching him. Mhm, that's the biggest day in his life, he can bet on that. After the match, kisses you right in front of all the cameras. Everyone needs to see you!! But don't worry not without asking you. He's just silly like that.

Chigiri

Oh my love, please help this guy. Not only did his parents and sister came, but you too?? Oh boy, someone save him, he doesn't know how to react AT ALL. All of his teammates are like 'Who are they??' Otoya is ready to- Nuh uh, back up. So, usually he was still nervous because of his injured knee and everything, but now that he sees you and his family together... coming here to support him.. okay maybe you guys coming is actually very motivating to him. Now...after the match...we know how frustrated is bc of everything, but he is still happy because of the won, so comfort him and congratulate him at the same time. Somehow do it.

Yukimiya

Oh this sweetheart of a man. You came? He cannot thank you enough. He is actually proud of you to be honest. He is just like that. Giving you that sweet smile of his. Now I personally think that he would have already announced that you two are dating before the match so the media already knows, but he's going to show it again anyways. He is so proud you're his, he just can't resist. You cheering for him with his number on your back... The view is perfect, what can he say? After the match he does that with the picking you up and swirling you around. He is sure that he is the happiest man alive.

Otoya

A GIRL CANE TO SEE HIM?? HIM?? Nah, Karasu doesn't believe it. He had to pay you right? He is sooo smug about it. He has a girl and it's actually a relationship. Showing you off everywhere. Media, the crowd, to Karasu especially. Like he didn't already see you, but sure. He tries to act cool, but still is trying his best to impress you at the same time. Teammates are actually surprised when he doesn't flirt with other girls, because he is genuinely so whipped for you.

© mariaace please don't copy, translate, steal or claim any of my works!

@dazailoveschuuya

[williamrikers]

thoughts on the first episode of 4 minutes

everyone seems to be doing these now, so i'll join in bc i need a way to process what i just saw. putting this under a cut bc of spoilers—if you are familiar with boc's other works (especially kinnporsche and dff) i strongly recommend you try and avoid spoilers before watching! i watched this episode not knowing what was coming and That Scene made me shriek so loudly i probably scared my neighbours. ANYWAY.

okay let's get the big thing out of the way first. bas and fuaiz. HOLY SHIT. i was literally pausing the whole time to text my friend just "WHAT" over and over. They Did That.

let me break this down. boc took one look at the current politics regarding shipped couples in bl, said "yeah we're not doing that" and let bas and fuaiz have a whole entire sex scene. (while gmmtv, for example, let phuwin and thor not even touch lips on wednesday club because phuwin is part of a sacred Shipped Couple.) AND WHAT A SEX SCENE IT WAS!!! i am pretty sure we're gonna see everyone's bare ass over the course of this show. if this is what they're showing us in the very first episode for a couple who i'm guessing might not be endgame?? i mean. damn. what will jes and bible get up to??? mark me down as scared and horny 🫣

sex in boc shows is usually pretty explicit but in this case it's also. just a thing two people do? it's not romanticised. it's strongly implied that tonkla is having sex with korn because korn is paying him for it. korn is older and from an incredibly rich family, and while they were sweet with each other and obviously both enjoyed it, it did feel like a transaction a little bit.

what i found most impressive about this scene was that we got to see tonkla being left alone afterwards and then visibly dealing with that. we could watch him processing—i don't think i've ever seen this kind of post sex unhappiness depicted in bl, and it was so beautifully subtle! we don't yet know whether tonkla was just unhappy with how that particular evening went or if he is unhappy with the arrangement as a whole, but Something Is Definitely Up and it is so incredibly intriguing.

while we're talking about korn, the family dynamics in this show have me in a chokehold. bas and bible as brothers was a genius casting choice, they really do feel like siblings, they have a very sweet vibe together while korn is obviously worried about his younger brother. the whole deal with their father's illegal business of which korn only learns when he is supposed to manage it, the way korn treats his father in general, korn's mother having passed away shortly after his birth and korn being raised by his step-mother (great's mom), it's all so incredibly juicy. bas just has so much presence on screen, he is an absolutely wonderful actor and at this point, i am almost more invested in his story than in the main story 🤭

speaking of which: love that bible got one of his cats to act with him 😂😂 thailand's number one cat dad. but yeah, i am Intrigued, i am seated, i am so happy to be alive to witness this. i don't think there's a lot to be said on this yet bc most of the episode was exposition and great learning about his new powers, and also the narrative tying them to near-death experiences so that we know what we're dealing with going forward. (shout-out to job here bc it was so nice to see him again and also so weird to see him as a character who is actually smart haha 😂)

the production value of this show is off the charts. the first scene of great being pulled back in time was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING. literally the best i've ever seen out of thailand. boc are taking their craft very seriously and it is just such a joy to watch.

also, the numbers everywhere! it got to the point that i was like, oh of COURSE she is in room number 4, WHERE ELSE?? 😂😂

i am so seated for this show. like i cannot express how seated i am. BRING IT ON, BE ON CLOUD.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Here's a two-parter idea for hc (idk this time if it's a full or a Mini, I'll let you choose ;) )

1. How do the M6 hold babies? Who's a natural and who has the stiff "toddler who's meeting their baby sibling for the first time" hold? Who likes them & vice versa? Who's the person you hand a baby to & then immediately have to take it back bc something about their aura immediately made the baby freak out?

2. Similar vein; like the wands in Harry Potter, we all know kids pick and choose who they like & nobody has a choice in the matter. Which of the M6 do kids like? Who's a natural child repellent? Who do the kids always undyingly attach themselves to even though by all means that person seems like the last parson the children would fall in love with?

Feel free to include the courtiers or any other side characters too if you like, I think that'd be funny

The Arcana HCs: M6 with Kids

~ @themushroomgoesyeet this started out as a mini-hc and then I got so carried away I turned them into a full series. XD thanks friend! ^.^ - brainrot ~

Julian

Loves kids!! so young! so small! so full of life and energy!

Kids tend to be initially cautious when approaching him (he's so tall, and edgy-looking, and kind of loud)

But as soon as he notices them he's folding up his gangly legs so he can crouch at their level and make eye contact and ask them about their day and introduce himself to their toys

And oh my, the stories he comes up with - it's not uncommon for you to lose him in the marketplace and come back about thirty minutes later to find him seated on a crate, about fifteen children of varying ages sitting in front of him, hanging onto his every word with stars in their eyes as he props up a toddler with one hand and wildly gestures with the other

Depending on how enthusiastic his audience gets and how much time he has to work with, he may or may not teach them the basics of improv and catch them up in acting out his story

It's impossible to pull him away once he's appointed different kids to their roles and gotten them started on his fantastical adventure

Remembers all their names and faces and preferences and goes out of his way to wave hello to them if he ever spots them while he's out and about

Asra:

Kids love the look and smell and feel of them but they rarely approach them because of how generally detached they seem

He's quite fond of kids himself, and they will straight up worship him if he puts effort into connecting with them, but most of the time he's too lost in his own wanderings to get around to it

Has strong feelings about their well being though, and will drop everything if they see one in need of assistance and not receiving it

Always accidentally ends up in a teacher's role (it's his infinite patience), he's just bad at knowing what might or might not be a good idea to teach them

How to knit? Wonderful! Now they have a new, soothing, productive hobby and skill set

How to pick a lock? No!! Now they're going to apply their scary levels of creativity and tininess to getting access into spaces they really shouldn't be in!

Known to randomly distract them during scary public things (you found them putting on an impromptu magic show in an alleyway for all the kids in the street right after a nasty cart crash)

Has an easier time with kids than with babies. Babies can't talk, if something's wrong they just cry while you try to troubleshoot

Nadia

She regards them with distance and respect and they do the same for her

It's much easier to care for them with improved infrastructure and accessible education than it is to learn what kinds of bodily fluids are normal on a child and what kinds aren't

(spoiler alert - snot is normal. snot is expected. snot will be everywhere. snot can never be fully cleaned up.)

Kids pick up on this, and are generally more likely to admire the very pretty lady from a distance than they are to walk up and start talking to her

Every now and then, though, some precocious child will start following the trail of her perfume, which will lead them to her skirt, which they will bury their snot-covered face in because it's soft and smells nice

And every time, without fail, Nadia will pause what she's doing and bend down to politely introduce herself and ask for their name without a single though to the mess on her clothes

She actually does better with babies than with kids, because it's easier for her to hold and physically protect a baby than it is to try to have a conversation with a child and quickly discover just how different Toddler Logic is from Adult Logic

Muriel

Small children congregate around him in droves and he has no idea why

They are small, they are fragile, they are living creatures who do not deserve to be hurt or abandoned, why are they crowding around his feet instead of holding onto their parents???

From a child's point of view, it's quite logical

Man is tall. Man is quiet. Man stands still. Man has gentle aura. Man provides shade. Man is clearly a tree (for chilling next to, and attempting to climb on, and occasionally bringing flowers to)

If Muriel can muster enough courage to break his initial "freeze" response, he'll find a corner to sit in so he can be extra stable and not run the risk of accidentally crushing someone

You found him like this once at a party, sitting still as a stone, with two kids chatting with each other on his lap, one scaling the sheer cliffside of his back, one perched on his shoulder sticking flowers in his hair, and two more playing with his hands (which are easily the size of their faces)

He gave you the same look you'd expect from someone stuck with a cat sleeping on their lap

Will listen to and remember any story he gets told and mention it later in conversation

Portia

Loves kids!!! x2

Unfortunately, she tends to scare the shy ones off at first with her intensity, which does make her cry herself to sleep sometimes

She has both the physical energy and the delightful imagination that perfectly suits her to joining into any game the kids around her come up with and making it one of the most exciting experiences of their tiny lives

She's also brilliantly prepared to comfort a child through any burden their small souls carry

Runny nose? She's got a handkerchief. Skinned knee? She's got band-aids. Dehydrated? She's got a water bottle. Hurt feelings? she gives the best (seriously, the best) comforting hugs

Nobody can mediate squabbles like she can (she brokered a trade deal with Firent, she can easily handle playground territory fights)

Over the years she's become the confidant of many tiny ones and you've caught her more than once mending a torn skirt or fixing a broken toy for a kid who didn't want to have to confess to their parents and face the consequences on their own

Does she fill you in on all the little one's gossip and drama? Of course. Does she take it just as seriously as her job? Absolutely

Lucio

He likes kids more than he thinks he does. Unfortunately, they're not usually fond of him at first

When he looks at kids he just sees tiny people who aren't quite big enough yet to go to real parties or do anything interesting with him

That said, he also likes to help people. In the past it was partially to show off, but he genuinely enjoys making someone else's day brighter and knowing he was the reason for it

Plus, kids are considerably easier to impress than grown ups are

Children, on the other hand, are more likely to see a very loud blonde man with a scary metal arm and walk in the other direction

Lucio does not like it when anyone, child or otherwise, takes one look at him and walks away

He must convince them otherwise

Usually resorts to sweets (he's got his own weakness for cookies, even if he still has no idea how to make them)

You've watched him win the admiration of about thirty tiny people in fifteen seconds flat when he loudly proclaimed that he'd be buying any treat any children wanted from the baker's stall

To say that he was still talking about the stars in their eyes when they looked at him three weeks later is an understatement

[isaac--r]

I need help! (spoilers for Outer Wilds Echoes of the Eye)

I'd mentionned recently how I found a way to the Stranger's entrance but like, the OTHER side, the back door if you will. I couldn't get back inside the ship bc the door didn't work, and my own ship wasn't there, but was marked at 221 feet (meters?) away, on the other side of the door. I died when my oxygen ran out. I just couldn't activate the door's light mechanism. Also, the stairs leading to that door were different from the ones in the normal entrance, I don't remember exactly how, but that's how I knew it was different.

Anyway, I got there, I'm pretty sure, from a hole in a cliff, that lead to a dark room/cavern with an elevator just like the one at the dam, and before I got to the elevator that got me to the back door entrance, there was a raft on the floor in the dark room. I think there was a lowering mechanism next to the raft. I kinda wish I'd hopped on that raft, no doubt it would have lead me to a very interesting place.

After a few loops of trying and failing to find that cliffside hole, I decided to try to access the back door of the Stranger directly, by flying over the ship; I accidentally flew away from the dark cloak thingy, because I SUCK at flying, but I still managed to reach the back door; I am 100% sure that was it. Anyway I crashed my ship inside of course, and inspected the dock. Pretty sure I didn't find any elevator, which conforted my belief that I really was on the back door's entrance. I got to the door, the one that hadn't worked last time, and saw that the mechanisms were rotating. Yay! So I turned off my light, got inside the little circular room, then turned my light on again, and then I died like, INSTANTLY. Felt really stupid too. I apparently took a ton of damage, which means I either died because I wasn't totally inside the circular room and got shredded by the rotating pieces of metal when they started moving, or the Stranger just, like, went ''fuck you, you're not getting in from the back door'' and killed me one way or another. (Now that I think about it I should probably try to kill myself in the normal entrance of the ship by not standing totally inside the circular room/door and then activating the lights just to see if it's even possible to die like that.)

Anyway. I should try to get back to the back door directly, by flying over the Stranger again. But that takes flying skill, and I'm kinda lazy... I'll do it eventually, but first I would REALLY like to find my way back to the back door from the inside of the ship, from that cliffside hole, so I can investigate the back door again and more importantly, hop on that raft. I've tried looking it up online but it's way too specific, so I can't find any answer (and there's spoilers everywhere).

Maybe I just hallucinated this entire thing and am not making any sense, but I'm sure I'm right.

So. If anyone understood this rambling, and knows what I'm talking about, I wouldn't mind an intel on where to find that cliff hole please! (I don't want to know about the lore, I just need to know where that door is)

[mando-abs]

Preface: I am an 18+ blog, so minors don’t interact and keep scrolling

I know I was gonna do notes for the new Percy Jackson book, but in true Percy Jackson ADHD fashion, I stopped like a third of the way in bc it started feeling like a chore. And now I’m making this post days after finishing it 🤷🏻

But congratulations Rick Riordan on once again attracting his target reader audience

It was really good tho. If I wasn’t so bone tired lately, I would’ve finished it two days, but it took me like four lol. So if you have problems focusing on reading for long periods of time, this book is phenomenal (granted, I read oodles of college level books last year for my degree so middle grade is like a walk in the park but…my point still stands). This book is lower stakes than the original series, but if you love Percy as much as I do, this is great 😅😅 GIVE THAT BOY A BREAK

I’ll post a few spoilers below if you’re curious and nosey on what happens but don’t want to read the book. I encourage you to look up the general synopsis tho bc I’m not gonna write about that. This is gonna be my highlights.

Poseidon is a crocs and socks guy and I couldn’t be more happy. This is my biggest highlight. I’m not joking. Like of course he is. He’s also building an infinity pool in his underwater summer getaway which is just great. He’s trying to build a relationship ship with Percy so that’s great. Percy seems to be chill with that but he knows Poseidon’s gotta work for it.

Zeus being the reason why Percy’s gotta get 3 letters of recommendation. And why his first and only kite as a kid was struck down 😭😭😭

The existence of the restaurant Himbo Juice in this book surely means that Rick is aware of the femboy Hooters meme. Like I feel it in my nuggets

Percy and Annabeth sure are Percabeth-ing in this book and it gives me life. Like I can’t pinpoint an exact moment bc it’s everywhere.

I looooooove how Ganymede is painted as a victim of grooming in this book. Bc of course. And I looooove how Iris sympathizes with him bc she understands his situation and knows how he got an even worse deal than she did in his position. It’s also interesting how Riordan hops around this within the confines of middle grade fiction.

Also Ganymede feeling obligated to fill and top off everyone’s cups (demigod or not) was a nice touch

Iris has a demigod child that only loves monochrome and it’s killing her. Amazing

Sally Jackson is living her best life with Paul and is now a published author. AND SHE’S PREGNANT 😆😆😆😆😆😆 AND PERCY IS EXCITED TO BE A BIG BROTHER 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 oh I love it. Honestly, I could have a book just on that with him doing big brother babysitting.

Hebe has a Chuck E Cheese establishment called Hebe Jeebies where people can become younger as they play games and eat cardboard pizza. And she has killer chickens that will eat your flesh and conduct chicken fights. ALSO THE MAIN CUSTOMERS BEING BOOMERS BC THEY CANT GROW UP IS HILARIOUS. Burn.

When the trio was turned 8 temporarily, Percy was so anxious bc childhood trauma obvi. But Percy going “I don’t want to go through growing up again. I won’t. I’m so scared,” was owie.

In fact, Percy being so anxious he pressure washed (pressure bombed?) a cave is relatable. If every time I had a panic attack I became a pressure washer, my neighborhood street would be so clean.

The god of old age (whose name escapes me) being the one who stole the chalice made a lot of sense. AND PERCY EMBRACED HIM INSTEAD OF FIGHTING HIM BC HE WILL BE FIGHTING OLD AGE HIS WHOLE LIFE AND HE WANTS TO GROW OLD😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I was tearing up. I think this was really targeted toward the young adult/approaching middle age audience. Damn you Riordan

Percy broke into Zeus’ chamber in Olympus to return the chalice and the only god to notice him was Athena!!!!!! They literally went “👁️👄👁️ 👀” She’s more tolerant of Percy being Athena’s boyfriend now!!! It’s gettin serious

Hmmmmmmmm

That’s all I have to say about that

[lanternlightss]

ISAT anon here, assuming the big relevation about the king’s motives is the one in chapter 3’s ending and not some further relevation in act 4 I haven’t reached yet, revived deca having similar motives is so. Ough!!!! How have I not thought of it yet?? That is so diabolically evil I need to write it at some point. One of the main reasons I started playing was because I wanted to see if I could draw any lines between deca and the king and so far I am *not* disappointed.

Old mond finding out about the change belief,,, it would be so jarring for them to go from a “everything has to stay the same, the only way to break the dull monotony is to try something new but half of it is illegal now” society to a “do whatever you want forever :)” society. Isn’t the ability to change a personal freedom of sorts? I don’t know much about the change god itself yet but from what I do know Barbatos would approve of them.

I did not know you could talk to the change god but did you know once you fish enough times you can actually catch a fish? I know nothing about the odds or if it fluctuates over time but I found it interesting :D

RIGHT !!! RIGHT ????????

going to put the rest under the cut bc of spoilers but . pointing at you YEAH .

like . like . the Idea of decarabian, perhaps, finding This Mond so …. nice. it’s perfect. but he can’t shield it from the world, that didn’t go so well last time (and this new wind god would give him a piece of their mind if he so much as tried), but maybe. there’s another way to preserve this. there’s another way to keep everyone okay.

but THEN what if he tries that with old mond. my city, my people—they’re all gone. i have nothing. nothing to return to. the things left of me are passed down records, and ruins. what happened to our language? what happened to our beliefs? what Happened, please, tell me. when you all left, what did you take with you? (<- like how much would deccy Mourn. how much would he be in a similar position; of trying to grasp onto grains of sands.)

HONESTLY it would be so cool to see how decarabian would react to the king. both doing something … not so great, out of love, out of grief, out of protection, out of “it’s better this way.” put the two of them in a room what discussion would they have 🎤 (also 👀👀👀👀 revived deccy fic !!!!! looking !!!! and YEAH god theyre both so. shakes them !!!)

ALSO REAL !!!!! like that would be so jarring for them !!!! i wonder if they would spend a while waiting for the other shoe to drop—this has to come with a cost, right? you can’t just. keep. doing. things?? this information cannot be this easily attainable, right? eyes.. eyes and ears are everywhere. (also: nb encountering the list of names for when you change,,,) but YEAH vaugarde is so. mond coded. to not be shackled by anything, to be a helping hand. agh (also giggles !!! barbatos would certainly have many thoughts :3)

ALSO YEAH !!!!!!! ITS COOL, esp the dialogue for the event !!!!!!! sif buddy !!!!?! i dont remember the exact numbers, but i think the chances for it are really really really low ? which . is . Interesting 👁 (also . hey . Hey hey :) another thing. have you …. shown loop anything ………. if not you should Totally totally show them that silver coin sif has there a whole bunch <3)

[squonkinaswamp]

okay I just need to get all my thoughts out here because across the spiderverse?? and absolute masterpiece

SPOILERS!!!!!!! for across the spiderverse btw if you didn’t catch that /////

I absolutely loved and am blown away by just how different across the spiderverse is from into the spiderverse. I love both films so so much for very different reasons but it was so much more adult in their struggles and their problems. it wasn’t better, per se, but it was amazing in it’s own way. everything about it was amazing and I can’t even begin to imagine anything of what they’re going through. all of them.

the beginning sequence with gwen was so ANGSTY I loved how she introduced miles it was so good and then the fight with her dad was so bad I actually cried in the theatre it was that good. and then fight between MILES and HIS parents and then we find out he’s only 15?? and he’s already going through so much?? they expect so much from him but he started out as spiderman when he was 14 and he’s been living a double life since like fuck. I thought he was older than that. he’s so precious though and you can tell that the pressure if getting to him in some of the most humane scenes I’ve seen in animated media, which I am absolutely loving.

then when he found out why gwen was actually there and then AGAIN when he found out that she wasn’t trying to protect him but in fact earth-50101 because of the canon events with the cop, just the absolute BETRAYAL that he felt in that moment and how he just needed to get away and cope and deal but he couldn’t, because he was missing and can we just talk about how he found all of this out within a few hours?? like the whole movie took course over a couple of hours and we’re just expected to what. be fine with that? honestly how miles didn’t cry I don’t know. 

then when miles was going through the go home machine I was on the edge of my seat bc 42?? that's not his world huh?? and then he WENT there are rio had weird eyes and then it CLICKED and FUCK it was so good what the hell and THEN when he went upstairs and uncle aaron looked at his phone it was like. shit. oh god. so THATS whats happening. and THEN, PLOT TWIST, since there's no spiderman in that universe jeff died and miles became the PROWLER but it does raise the question  was he ever supposed to be spiderman? in the original universe of 42? or was he always destined to be the prowler but on a chance encounter ended up destroying the lives of so many people by becoming a second spiderman in a completely different universe?? because we KNOW that he's an anomaly and we KNOW that he wasn't meant to become spiderman and because he DID the 1610 peter parker died and he basically replaced him and screwed up 1610 because he inadvertently created the Spot(love what they did with the bagel) so. was he originally supposed to become the prowler??  in universe 1610?

and fuck how is he dealing with the knowledge that HE'S the reason that the universes are so screwed up and he can't fix it no matter how hard he tries. because what does it matter? he can't do anything. and it sucks. and now he’s stuck in another universe that isn’t his and he can’t do anything about it, he can’t even cope with any of the stuff he learnt in the past few hours because he’s got a fight to do, he’s got to fight himself and god what about jeff and rio? they don’t know anything, only that he isn’t safe, only that he’s gone and they have no idea that he’s fighting for his life, for their lives at the moment, after finding out he’s simultaneously destroying everything everywhere else. they just think he’s snuck out, they have no idea what’s going on. and they won’t find out, they can’t, because miles /isn’t there/. It’s messing with me god.

I’m actually crying though across the spiderverse was so good and incredible and I’m screaming throwing a fit throwing up it was so cool and so good and I can’t. I just. woah. holy fuck. 

but also characters I loved them all and the MUSIC was so good and matched the scenes so well and the OST WAS INCREDIBLE thank you daniel pemberton for this masterpiece and the ART. the art was so good. it was incredible and outstanding and amazing and holyyyyy shit so. I loved all the different styles they incorporated and yeah all the easter eggs were so cool but the art style overall was incredible.

cannot wait for beyond the spiderverse and the story they continue to tell.

[cbsxreader]

Halloween with Christian!

Halloween is his favorite holiday, nothing else compares to it.

Christian is on his knees to beg you to let him decorate your home for Halloween. Mainly because he has an excuse to put real organs, blood and bones everywhere.

"Please, love! I promise I won't make it too messy!" He begged with a hopeful look on his face.

"It's not the mess, it's if you get them down before they start to rot." You sternly said, crossing your arms over your chest.

"I promise I'll clean it up! Just please, give me the chance!" He put his hands together, fingers intertwining, looking at you with pleading eyes.

Spoiler, he "doesn't want to clean it up yet because the vibe hasn't even set in". So, you have to force him to clean up before it starts to smell and your neighbors start getting suspicious.

Christian thinks dressing up is a bit childish and if you want to have costumes he'll just go in his usual murder-attire. If you want matching couple costumes then you'll have to help him with it because he doesn't know shit about making costumes or make up apart from corpse paint.

Christian knows that there are assholes that kill black cats on Halloween because they're considered bad luck. So don't be surprised that there are a dozen black kitties following you two after he saves them.

If you have a sweet tooth and want candy then he will help with that, just unethically. Either that's taking someone else's hard-earned candy or snatching all the "take one" bowls for yourselves.

Of course, the night isn't complete without a few crime sprees. It is considered a night of evil, after all.

Isn't the best guy out there for pumpkin carving (bc that's Piss Cakehole's specialty) but still does a really good job because he's very coordinated when it comes to handling blades and helps you if you need it.

Brutal doesn't mind trying to summon demons or spirits and trying out some rituals. He knows it would piss off Christian Pure Spy, but he does try to see if the entity could be defeated so you aren't in too much trouble.

"Won't Pure be mad about this?" You had a moment of realization and stopped drawing the pentagram on the ground.

"Eh, says here just simple holy water can bring it down, we're good." Christian shrugged, looking over at the demon book.

Watching horror movies is a big must. Bonus points if it's something more disturbing like Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He really likes to get ideas or inspiration from horror movies so expect him to lowly chuckle to himself at especially gorey scenes. He loves it if you get scared and cuddle up to him.

Christian eats all candy, any candy. This is especially handy when you've eaten all your favorites and you don't want to throw the rest away.

I know it's not Halloween yet but I just wanted to write this now

Also, Happy Halloween!

[hickeygender]

so, uh... netflix avatar certainly is a show, huh? i just finished episode 1 and i'm gonna ramble on about it below. blacklist "#len watches natla" or "natla spoilers" if you either don't wanna see this shit or you don't want spoilers.

fair warning that i was relatively neutral going into the show, but episode 1 was... hmm. i'm still struggling to formulate words on it. i didn't love it, but it wasn't shyamalan levels of bad by any means. i'm gonna hop right into episode 2 after this post bc i've heard the pilot and the finale are the weakest episodes and i genuinely wanna give it a fair chance before i cast judgment.

so, they open with the air nomad genocide. i knew this going in, but it certainly sets a Tone, a Tone that does NOT feel like avatar. like, i understand they wanted to elevate the level of maturity a bit and make things more serious, but was it rlly necessary to see a shit ton of air nomads get fireballed to death, culminating in gyatso getting burned alive trying to protect a room of children, who also presumably get incinerated?? they didn't show that part, instead doing a hard cut to katara waterbending a century later (resulting in EXTREME whiplash for me), but them violently dying is the only way that ends.

also, minor quibble: the firebending looked normal to me, but the general who killed gyatso said smthn like "you might have beaten me any other day, but today we have the power of the comet!" but their bending doesn't look very different from zuko's bending later? it's a little more flamey ig, but in s3 when ozai gets juiced up the motherfucker is out here destroying whole forests from his airship.

onto the acting. gordon cormier's portrayal felt a little too rehearsed and theatrical rather than natural, but he's a kid and acting is hard so i'm def gonna cut him some slack, and he does seem pretty happy and earnest, even if his delivery is a bit forced. kiawentiio tarbell is pretty good, but her dialogue left a bit to be desired, which isn't on her and i'll complain about later. ian ousley gave the best performance imo, tho ymmv bc ik there's some controversy around his heritage that i don't feel i have the right to get into due to tribal registration being a complex topic, blood quantum being awful, and me being white. gran gran was barely there and just exposited everywhere in a weird callback to the og intro, so i don't really feel like she's that important even tho i liked her casting. uncle iroh... i'm not sure. he wasn't too prevalent, which is understandable this early on. i liked paul sun-hyung lee's warmth, but don't have much to say otherwise yet. and then there's dallas james liu. i think his acting was pretty solid, at least on the level of dev patel's performance (which i swear is a compliment bc he was the only good part of shyamalan's dumpster fire of a film imo). i think the issue i have with the performance is down to the writing, which i guess i'll get into now bc it's my biggest issue with episode 1.

the dialogue flow was mid, and there was a bit of info dumping from gyatso in his scene with aang which i found distracting. speaking of info dumping, gran gran was just kinda there to explain the last hundred yrs to aang and then have zero interactions with her grandchildren before they flew off, which was dumb.

still on the topic of writing: i mentioned the tone set by the opener, and i think that's bad, but it also fucked up the pacing by not starting at the same point the og did. by the end of the episode they shoehorned in the trip to the southern air temple with like 11 mins left (i checked) and so that made aang's grief triggering the avatar state feel rushed. i also thought the flashback to gyatso's earlier dialogue when aang saw his corpse was unnecessary. like bitch, i watched that 30 mins ago, i remember it fine! by the end, aang seemed waaaay more driven than he did in s1 of the original, almost as self-confident as he was in s3. like, he accepted being the avatar real quick. i'm pretty sure he'll display a bit more uncertainty later in the season (at least, i hope he does), but that still felt off to me.

my biggest complaint about the writing is zuko. i KNOW he's a brat, i am well aware of that as a lifelong zuko girlie, but was him trying to kill sokka necessary??? he was literally about to throw a fireball at him when he was lying defeated in the snow before aang stepped in. he also commanded his soldiers to burn the village to the ground at one point. i understand he's a villain and that they're attempting to corner the Prestige TV market here, so they've decided to make him grittier. i don't like it, though. in the cartoon, zuko is driven in his awful quest, but he's also honorable - in the village he nods his head in agreement when aang asks if he'll leave the village alone if aang goes with him. that little moment showed his honor, his true honor, peeking through. also in the cartoon, he's really bad at finding the avatar despite being very skilled in combat. i don't know how they're gonna have him show up very much in this season if he's gonna be more of a ruthless asshole tbh.

overall, i'm left just kinda confused with the tone and character writing of the show. i'm going to watch the whole season because it's only 8 episodes and i genuinely hope it improves somewhat, but i'd give it either a 6 or a 6.5/10, i can't quite decide.

[eemcintyre]

A chronicle of my experience baking the Cruise cake

Spoiler alert: I ended up in my kitchen at 11:45 PM absolutely pelting the side of it with toasted coconut flakes

Started it at about 6:30 PM thinking “surely this will be plenty of time, why it will still be light outside when I finish it” the naive optimism, the hubris

Forgot several ingredients and had to run right back out of the house to the store

Drove home from the grocery store with an open cream cheese package and an open sour cream container in the passenger seat of my car; just literal loose dairy products in the passenger seat in my car facing the open air, trying to get them to come to room temperature faster

Got home w/o having to clean dairy products off the interior of my car <3

Video-called my bestie so she could bear witness to the imminent unhinged experience

Obviously I was wearing my Yankees cap

She got to see me spill cake flour on my leggings and seductively pretend to lick the very large knife I was chopping the white chocolate with (she did not like that)

Meanwhile she was telling me about weirdly specific graphic t-shirts and strawberry cow stuffed animals she was looking at online, and also trying to figure out what cybernetics is bc she’s been really into Warrior Nun??

For some reason I can’t remember I started singing that Macy Gray “I Try” song?

~I forgot to grease the Bundt pan~

Every other thing we said was this new inside joke we got- I told her about how the actual Doan’s Bakery cake retails for ~125 big ones, and we were like w h y, and so she proceeded to say, after basically anything I said (ex., “Don’t mind me measuring this with my hands…”), “That’s why it’s $125.”

Despite the dunce move of forgetting to grease the pan, God decided to do me a solid I guess bc the cake, by some miracle, still came out of the pan unscathed

Now recall the opening image of me absolutely throwing toasted coconut flakes at the side of the cake and they’re going everywhere and it’s almost midnight and I get up at 5:45 the next morning eeeheeee

Notwithstanding the tribulations and errors, 10/10 one of the best things I’ve ever baked, and ya girl has made a lot of things. Time-consuming but not actually very hard, especially when your deranged bestie emotionally supports you via a five-hour video call so make sure you do that if you undertake the venture

Just pls, make sure the ingredients are room temperature, grease the pan, don't overmix the batter, and if you're as messy and chaotic as me, maybe consider investing in some serial killer-type plastic tarps

The sacred texts:

Tom Cruise Cake Recipe (allrecipes.com)

[jjungkookislife]

SCREAMING and SPOILERS BELOW!!

“No fuckin’ way.” Your eyes find your brother standing rigid at your side, wrists tensed to hell and shoulders spiked. Did he not know he was playing, either? Judging by his smoldering question, you’re going to guess he wasn’t aware.  “Were they always on this team?”  “No.” “I don’t remember them being on any teams.” They? Them? So they recognize more from the court on that day you try to not think about. 

the PETTINESS of joining a TEAM instead of letting shit go! over a basketball game is WILD? Dalo Dude needs a job, a new hobby, and some THERAPY bc WHAT? you're WHOLE LIFE is focused on being an asshole to a girl he assaulted bc he got decked????

It’s Yoongi that looks at you first, eyes lowering to the hand you still have on your arm damn it you should be okay about that night already. But you can’t seem to let your limb go, your fingers covering it in a weak attempt at protection and resilience.  The blaze in his eyes makes you shake. Normally, you would slightly question why he wouldn’t just sit next to you. But this time, you’re hyper aware of what he’s doing—and why. It’s so obvious that you wanna reach out and grip his sweaty hand.  Yoongi absolutely sat there to shield you. And your heart burns and burns. If only he could do more, be more, show more. Because with a rattled ego and tainted mind, you’re already yearning for his touch, wanting him to whisk you out of here and bring you back to the comfort of his home—just like he did that night.  God, he makes you dizzy doing absolutely nothing. 

my BABY! I would also like to face off with Dalo Dude! and Yoongi trying to comfort her but not being able to without the brother noticing ughhhh my heart! He's doing his best but ugh I wish they could hold hands at least without it being odd but we all know brother would flip.

“Play.”  Immediately, all three of them snap their heads your way. Fuck, your arm is still…  One person cannot have this hold on you. There’s no way you’re going to let him control your every waking moment, and your determination bubbles into your commands. “Play the game and beat his ass,” you seethe, holding yourself together and aiming daggers everywhere. “Just make it quick.”  Yoongi gives you a look before Jimin snags him with an eyebrow raise.  “And you’re paying me double.”  Looking at the man beside you, it’s almost comforting seeing his attention fully on your face. If it weren’t for your ghost on the other side of the scoring table and your brother standing there, you wouldn’t hesitate to kiss him. 

she's trying her best! and Yoongi watching her to make sure she's okay ugh i love them! i wish she could kiss him. she must be feeling so vulnerable and terrified of what could happen :(

But one person seems to send a question without any words at all. In kind, you answer the same way, wings battering your stomach when all of them send thunder to the court with lightning in their eyes. Yoongi scoffs through a slant, carrying the air of someone you never want to mess with in your fucking life. “The fuckin’ nerve.”  Jimin hums, sliding a finger along his flexed to hell jaw. “Bold,” he adds. And his voice drop sends shivers when he turns to you, “Don’t worry, love.”  You stare. “This will be over soon.” 

oof, i would not want to be on the other end of their stares! and the silent communication, ugh my babies! and even Jimin is extra protective, they all love each other so much. and Jimin calling her love ughhhh please they're all amazing I'm gonna cry!

“Nice job, b—” Oh fuck you almost shout something that should never be public knowledge. Holding your tongue, you quickly switch it up with a hasty, “Let’s go!”  That was close. Way too close.  Get it together. 

The way she almost called him BABY!!!! my heart!!! I'm imagining her and Yoongi at their kids' basketball games, both of them cheering them on ugh :( they deserve all the happiness in the world!

But you cannot help it right now. Seeing Yoongi facing off against the man you both wanna square up against? And making it look easy? The fluttering you feel in your belly grows double. Triple. Tenfold. His gestures, the way he acts like it’s nothing, his shrugs at their failed attempts to stop him—everything’s making you scratch proverbial walls and kick bench chairs.  And it’s not just him—the whole team has been playing excellently. Each play seems intentional; every pass and movement is strategic. If you didn’t know this was a casual rec game, you would think they’re gunning for a real, prestigious trophy.  When it’s starting to be very clear who the better squad is, that’s when things start getting more than tense.  On a foul call, both sides start getting in each others’ faces. And you peg that as normal until someone on your team gets shoved and your brother immediately gets between the action.  Both you and the coach shoot up from your seats.  Shit, shit, shit. If there’s one thing your older sibling’s gonna do in this game, it’ll be finding any excuse to deck that man in the face. And once that happens, there’s no telling how many injuries are gonna walk off polished floors.

the absolute TENSION!!! i would not be able to sit and watch! it seems like things are heading south too quickly, especially with everyone's tempers elevated. and the shoving? ugh it's asking for a fight to start and i support brother decking the dude in the face. he deserves it!

And Yoongi keeps scoring. And scoring. And scoring.  Which lands him in a bit of trouble when the same idiot from Dalo pushes him during a layup. After he manages to make the shot, Yoongi immediately flicks him off—which gets a whistle blown. Ignoring the scathing remarks being thrown, he dumps himself next to you. And you immediately feel the heat roll off of him in waves, trying hard to focus on the game. “Don’t be stupid,” you jut out.  “Don’t be stupid. These guys aren’t worth it.”  “After what he did to you?”  The way those words leave his mouth ice you over, flares spiraling through every fiber of your being. Your reaction is so visceral that you can barely get your response out, “Yeah, but…”  The crowd is loud and the buzzers even louder, but they aren’t enough to drown out his bite, “I can’t let that shit go.”  “Sorry, doll.”  “Please just—” 

Yoongi absolutely destroying them on the court is amazing! ugh just imagining him is 💦💦💦 and him flipping them off ugh something about cocky!Yoongi just sends my brain into overdrive oof i cannot! being able to feel the heat radiating off him, man is mad MAD and protective fuck okay that's hot. and the DOLL you had to throw it in and I'm sobbing 💦💦💦

Why are they taunting? What the hell is making them so bent on making the other team pissed? Yes, all that went down with you, but nothing else had happened since then. And they clearly aren’t listening to anyone telling them to calm down.

I wonder if the brother was doing all this to lead to a fight now that i know what happens 👀

Yoongi gets straight shoved again as he goes for a layup, and you shoot up in your chair as he hits the back wall with a thud. While the players at your side are yelling and everyone on the court starts grouping in shouts, you stay rigid, solely watching Yoongi eye his attacker—the same idiot from Dalo. Fuck everything, you wanna rush into the fray and throw hands yourself because that looked painful. The only thing that’s stopping you is the chilling fact that Yoongi is… Grinning.  Wiping his curved lips, he waits while the refs break up the squabble, still looking triumphant as he walks to the line to shoot his free throws. When both of them are made, he stares directly at your assaulter—as you finally call it like it is—and doesn’t stop even when the coward looks away.

me on my way to defend Yoongi on the court! ^ I can't believe he got pushed, both sides were gunning for each other but I'm surprised a huge brawl didn't break out. and the cockiness oozing from Yoongi, especially to Dalo Dude, ugh he makes me so mad!

Your eyes catch Yoongi throwing a rudely lopsided curve across the court. Even when Jimin comes up to push him back in excitement, his expression doesn’t change.  And you find that wildly, unfathomably attractive. 

THEY WON!!!!!!

But the way you’re currently being surrounded as your guys converse hides you from plain sight, so you feel heavily protected. Even Jimin, who’s usually cheerful even when exhausted, wields sharp eyes as he keeps glancing over his shoulder.  Honestly? You wouldn’t know what to do without them. Both your brother and all his friends, good pasts or not, are great people. They didn’t need to shield you like this. But they’re doing it anyway, because they won’t give that lowlife another reason or chance to approach you.  Yeah. Your older sibling knows how to choose his circle.

I LOVE them ALL! they're so protective of each other, i know if it was jimin or the brother instead, they'd all still be doing the same and that's what's so great about this friend group :)

God, Yoongi’s so handsome. As Jimin leaves his side, he silently wipes his forehead of any excess sweat, hands and shoulders shining in the lights wait wait wait. Hold on.  And as he eyes your approach, you murmur with care and concern, “Is your back okay?”  “Yeah, it’s all good.” “You sure? That looked…” Of course he decides that now is the perfect time to rake his sweaty locks back. Speaking so low that only you can hear, Yoongi reassures with a fist full of hair, “I’m fine, doll.”  Mother fucker. 

the VISUAL oof Yoongi all sweaty and hot with his long black hair oof A WHOLE ASS DEMON!!! 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

 “You looked so good out there, by the way. I almost called you ba—” “What are y’all talking about over there!” Your mouth snaps shut as soon as you see your brother watching, but Yoongi is quick to fire off an insult, “The way you always take so long to pick something.” “I picked already!” “Then let’s go then.”

her little confession got interrupted but yoongi is ALWAYS so quick on his feet! I wonder if at this point brother still thinks Yoongi and reader are just friends? bc they're usually off together in one way or another 👀👀

In front of you, Jimin shifts his head to the side. “Still?”  And when you look at who he’s asking, you see Yoongi nod.  Weird. 

is this about Dalo Dude and the Dickhead crew he assembled to fight Yoongi and his friends? 👀👀👀

The man from Dalo. And all the guys from the court plus some.  Surround both Jimin’s and your brother’s cars. Fuck. Oh, fuck, there’s so many of them, standing and waiting and unflinching in the bursts of thunder inching closer and closer what the fuck are you gonna do—  “Taehyung.” “Get her out of here. Now.” To your horror, Tae’s already hauling you back, voice low and firm in your ear, “Come on.”  “No! What the fuck—”  “We’re leaving.”

Dalo Dude just can't let it go! To surround Jimin and brother's cars? did they just assume those were their cars or were they weirdos and stalked them to get the information about what car they drive and i remember brother was afraid that Dalo Dude would show up at their house while he was away? so I'm sure some form of stalking was involved :(

There are so many of them. So, so many of them. Panic drowns out your words and excess leaks out of your eyes, your own storm preventing you from seeing that your best friend is just as torn apart.  “Babe, we have to go now.”  “No, let me go!”  They’re outnumbered. What if they have weapons? What if the police are called? You’re screaming. Curses, their names, or whatever whatever you don’t even know what the fuck you’re saying because your toes are kissing the edge of madness. 

Poor baby and Tae too! Ugh, I'm sure they're way outnumbered. is it Jimin, brother, and Yoongi? ughhhh i'd be so worried too, hell i'd probably call the cops myself bc there's no way this could end well

Your friend steps away to fiddle with his phone, the light illuminating his beautiful features in the night. When he holds it to his ear, this is when you hear rain and the television in the living room, noticing that it’s playing a movie he watches for comfort.  Shit. He’s going through it just like you are, and yet he’s still finding energy to calm your nerves? What have you even done to deserve him? Guess you know how to choose your circle, too. 

Ah, i love the way you described how Tae was looking for comfort by playing his favorite movie. he must be so worried about Jimin as well, and there's nothing he can do other than make sure you don't head back there even if he might want to as well. He's still taking care of reader despite his own worries :(

Jimin audibly pauses on the line before having the audacity to chuckle. Irked and feeling ire bubble back to the surface, you seethe, “This isn’t funny, Park. Where the fuck is he?”  “Actually, you know what? Good. Now I can say you’re all idiots and immature as fuck.”   “Is this gonna happen again?”  That one your brother answers with finality. “They won’t be coming around anymore.” 

She was so worried for Yoongi! and her brother! and I'm glad she called them out but I'm also glad they took care of it bc none of them deserve to live in fear of their safety or reader's over a basketball game and an asshole who doesn't know when to quit. hopefully, this is the last of Dalo Dude :(

When you approach the bar, your actions speak pretty damn loud—the dish clank shoving out a question from your sibling, “Is there something you wanna say to me?”  “There’s a bunch of shit I wanna say to you.”  “It’s about Yoongi,” he asks, the absence of hesitation making your insides squeeze. “Isn’t it.”  “It’s about all of you! You say you wanna be there for me but what the fuck will doing this shit do?”  “If I lose them? Lose you? Because of something as stupid as a fight?” Your eyes search his, and your heart cracks when you see glassy sheen amongst his bruises. “What would I do then?”  “We know.”  “Do you?” “Yes,” he whispers, eyes lifting to meet yours with sincerity. “And we’re sorry.”

I'm glad she was able to confront brother! it was stupid what they did but they did it to protect her and keep it from happening again. i can't imagine the fear she felt not knowing if they were okay or not. I'm so glad they all made it out alive

Yuri: Outgoing Call “Hello?” “Hey, I’m not coming.” “You okay?” “I’m going to Yoongi’s.” “Yoongi’s? Why?” Ah, shit. Oh, fuck. She doesn’t know.  Banging the steering wheel, you smash your teeth, stressed as hell from braving the rain in the dark and now snitching on yourself to someone else.  “Because he’s the one,” you whoosh out, your vision quivering twice as much as it should. “And things went down after the game and now something feels wrong.” “Oh, shit. Is that why y’all didn’t come to—” “Please don’t say anything. Please.” “I won’t. Not about this.” “Thank you.” “Hang up, babe. Make it safe.”

She was so worried about Yoongi, she spilled her secret. poor baby she needs a hug and some comfort. and then having to inform Yuri about the fighting ugh my heart breaks for everyone

Yoongi: Outgoing Call What a strange emotion, wanting his reason for not picking up solely being because he doesn’t wanna talk to you. That is an answer you can deal with.  But you still can’t fight off the jagged pulses telling you it’s something else. 

HIM NOT ANSWERING MAKES ME ANXIOUS like i know he's upset over it and she's mad and ugh and then him not answering all the other calls. i wanna SCREAM AT HIM but i understand :(

After a haunting moment of silence, you decide to call one more time, head wet and bones shivering as you press the phone to your damp ear.  Finally. “Hello.”  “Open the door,” you jump into commanding, hearing nothing other than a voice that sounds so crushed and low that it crumples you inside.  “You’re here?”  “Yeah, let me in.” Fuck, your teeth are clattering against each other, whether it’s from the rain, the cold, or anger, you can’t tell.  But the reply you get is the coldest thing imaginable. And it sets your whole body aflame.  “Not tonight.” Hell no. Hell fucking no Yoongi is not going to get rid of you that easily. Not when you have a boatload of things to say and only one dock to dump them all on, “Yoongi, I swear to god—”  “Not tonight—” “—you don’t let me in I’m—” “Go home—” “I’m fucking staying out here until you open the goddamn door!” And this man still has the audacity to give you the stiff arm, silence on the line before he rasps out another short, “I’m serious.” “No.” “Go home.”  “No!”  He says your name. So, so softly, before a gut-wrenching,  “Please.”

my heart is breaking into pieces all over again! RYEN! i can't handle this, I'm just a baby when it comes to angst. ughhh I'm gonna cry again. she cares so much and he didn't want her to see him all beat up especially after what happened and her anger in the car. i just want everything to be okay again and i hope Dalo Dude fucks off for good and i hope him and his fucking little friends got it worse >:(

You can’t give up. Not when you have so much to say. Not when you have to check on him and make sure he’s fine.  Not when you give into the strongest premonition that you need to be nowhere else but with him tonight.  You will stay. Stay, stay, stay. Even if he doesn’t want to see you.  Voice trembling in rage and concern and everything in between, you feel your eyes sear through when they close, mission boiling down to one more desperate choice, “…No.” 

she deserves the world! she's there despite him wanting her to leave (but not really) and ugh i just love her! I want nothing but happiness for them too!

But you finally, finally, finally hear a sigh before a lock turn, and you try to prepare yourself for what you see but he opens the door and his face comes into view holy shit he looks like a wreck— “What the fuck ,” you grit out as you rush in with vision swimming, digging into your bag for the medkit you hastily stashed and swinging off your sandals because you gotta get something in the— A hand grips you hard, tugging you back before you even register what’s happening. As your feet stumble back onto linoleum, your gaze snaps to the ground.  And your breath cuts like it’s your last.  Thousands of wood and glass chips litter the entire open area of the living room.  And realizing where they came from strikes like lightning.  Fuck. Oh, fuck, what did Yoongi do? “I told you, doll.” “Go home.”

I can't imagine walking into that and not only seeing Yoongi's face but the absolute wreck of his living room. Like what was going through his mind? was it just the fight with Dalo Dude or was it everything else pent up? ugh he needs a long hug

“Stop.” “No.” “Just go, please.” “No.” This hurts.  This really, really hurts.  Yoongi has never, ever said these things to you and it feels like a knife jabbing into the same spot over, and over again. You almost prefer three new months of no contact over whatever the hell this is. Because you came here for a reason other than this mess. And he’s gonna have to do better than this to kick you back out into the rain. 

my poor heart CAN'T TAKE THIS RYEN WHYYYYYY I'm seriously going to cry again :(

But he only breathes hard with eyes closed, following your orders and carrying his dark clouds to the dining room.  In sweats and a shirt, he appears fine. But with a deep pang, you notice he’s slightly limping. Judging from those knuckles, you wonder if they’re red from the fight or from hitting another wall of his apartment.  Or from whatever the fuck happened around your feet.

"and carrying his dark clouds" ugh i love that! I can imagine him just distressed, frustrated, feeling everything at 100. and he's hurt to top it all off. he's vulnerable, too vulnerable and ughhhh i just need to hug him I'm so sad for him

“Do what? I’m helping you.”  “Who said I needed it?”  And in all the time you’ve spent with this man, this is the first time you’ve felt downright cold. “Yoongi, what?” Your eyes travel across his face, chest caving in when there’s barely any hints of vitality. “Are you serious?”  “You think I’m joking?”  “You’re kicking me out? What happened to saying you’d never do that, huh?”  “I say a lot of things.”  …Oh.

Oh. I think this is one of the hardest chapters to read, there's so much pain and hurt and i feel it in my chest but it's so wonderfully written i just want to curl up in a mountain of blankets and cry :(

“You know what? You do say a lot of things.” “Like how perfect I am.” Picking up his books from the now non-existent coffee table. “And how there’s no one else.”  As you give the volumes a new home on his intact tv stand, you turn to face him again. “Those are just words, too, huh?”  Yoongi kicks his head back with a smile, one that cuts instead of mends. “Nah… Not tonight.”  “Not tonight what.”  “We aren’t doing this tonight.”  “The fuck we aren’t.” It’s his turn to walk away, with a slow head shake that you really don’t like. “Where are you going?”  “Nowhere.” Yoongi shifts his head to the side, but not enough for you to fully see him. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want you to. “But you’re going home.”  Something’s off. There’s something completely off but all you feel is sadness and rejection in your ribcage. “So this is how it happens, huh. Now I’m just like everyone else.”  He finally faces you, miles away even though you’re just rooms apart. “You’re gonna go there?”  “I am.”  “Wow.” 

this scene hurt so much! i respect reader for not shutting down and letting it go because i would have. it hurts so much just reading it, like little pinpricks in my heart :( i can imagine the smile being almost vicious? mocking? his walls are up sky high and they're both hurting so much! RYEN WHYYYYYYYYY

“You think I wanted to come here? After what all of you did?”  “Do you even know?”  “No! But how the fuck would I? You don’t tell me shit!”  “That’s cus—”  Your response sears over his floors, “I can take care of myself. But none of you told me about that dude from the court. None of you.” “If I had known? That whole Dalo thing could’ve been avoided and I would’ve ran.”  For a person that you’ve come to know as so warm, Yoongi’s entire aura freezes you over as you keep talking. “And today? You know how fucking scared I was? If I… I…”  All he does is stare. Why isn’t he doing anything else? Is he really flipping the switch and choosing to legitimately let you leave this time? Fine then.  “You know what?” Giving up, you laugh—harsh, and breathy, and without any joy at all. “Forget it. You’re not even listening anyway.” “I swear to—I just said not tonight.” 

there are so many emotions running through them. i don't know who to hug first, I'm so sad and heartbroken. they've gone through so much already and they haven't even told Brother yet. my poor babies! i hope they have the happiest life imaginable after all this bc i can't handle them hurting much longer :(

Frustration from the game, fear from the ambush after, anxiety from not hearing from them. All of it coalesces into something you can’t even control anymore. Your buffer shuts off, the monster you created seizing the reins, “No, I get it. I do! You want me gone. Sure. See you in three more months.”  Stunned, Yoongi huffs in disbelief, jaw working overtime. “Are you serious?”  “Yes, I am. Trying to help you but it looks like you don’t even want that. So good fucking bye.”  And it looks like he has a beast of his own because his next response to your last attempt has you reeling back in shock,  “Who asked you?”  Dark liquid drips onto your soul. 

I don't think I've ever had my heart broken this many times in my life! Pain. Nothing but PAIN and suffering. I'm blinking back tears, and like that ugly sticky feeling of heartbreak just seeps into your pores, poor reader she's just trying to help, she was worried and it's all just too much :(

You can only stare, unblinking and feeling like you’re in an entirely different universe. “Who asked me? Who asked me.”  “That’s what I said.”  Forget the question of who asked you because… Who are you even talking to? Who is this person standing in front of you because it’s not the Yoongi you know. It’s so jarring and hurtful and strange that you truly feel thrust into the middle of a nightmare.  You’re gonna do it. You’re actually gonna leave this time.  “You know what? Kiss my ass, Yoongi.”  God, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts . You don’t even know where this is all coming from. All you know is that you’re angry and there’s no stopping the hot magma bubbling in your center.  Silence fills the room. And it rains. It pours.

my baby! :(

But finally, you hold a sob back before burning a shaky path to his door, wrestling with the lock before yanking it open— Only to have it shut back in your face, so thrown when you realize you’re getting spun. Air whooshes out of you before your shoulder blades connect with wood—   And this is the goddamn breaking point. The walls you haphazardly built to keep you upright collapse and tumble. It’s so potent and blinding that you don’t even realize your hands are connecting with his chest in the weakest, saddest ways and you are outright screaming .  “God, what the fuck! I told you to—We didn’t hear from you for hours and I—I didn’t know if you were okay—”  “Whoa, hold u—”  “I thought the worst and I—didn’t even get a chance to—I finally told you want I wanted and you— Fuck —”  “Just listen—”   “Don’t ever do that again! I don’t wanna lose you and today was so fucking scary and I’m not, fucking, leaving—” 

poor baby! it was scary reading about the fight! there were so many of Dalo Dude's friends/people to fight them. and Tae was also worried. and then to go from all that worry and stress to Yoongi being so cold, hurt, and his belongings destroyed? they both need hugs!

“Can’t fucking listen, can you?”  “No ,” you rip from your throat, shoving him back only to gravitate right back and lock lips again.  And he rips at your clothes, tearing the front of your shirt so far your chest emerges on full display. Before you can even react to the cuts on his face, Yoongi’s hand clenches around your throat, making you gargle just how you fucking want to right now.  “Shouldn’t even fucking be here.”  “When has that ever stopped us.” You groan as you get rapidly led back into something hard, and you realize it’s the dining table digging into your ass.  “He’s still home.”  “So?” “Shouldn’t you—” “Then kick me out!” you taunt. “For real. Let me go. Fucking do it then.”  Yoongi works his jaw before gripping tighter, making you groan and your gut flare into something primal. Nostrils flaring, he moves to grip your head hard enough to make your stomach flip but not firm enough to scare you.  Never to scare you. “You aren’t gonna leave me alone.”  Your eyes are ice.  “Are you.”  You solely watch in determination, breath harsh from your nose and billowing out like steam. Drilling your answer into his eyes, you charge the surrounding air enough to spark like the flashing sky outside.  And Yoongi cracks like lightning.  “God damn it.” 

the absolute whiplash! but also the choking! the stubbornness! the TENSION! not giving a damn that brother is home but i don't think he'd go to Yoongi's after everything but STILL! also, "Yoongi cracks like lightning" has to be one of my favorite lines! I can imagine everything perfectly in my head!

Things teeter and shake and clang with each impact, your storm disrupting everything in its path and creating a tornado of desire and thoughts in your brain.  Something swirls and twists between your souls, tightening and condensing into emotions darker than midnight. And as angry as you are, it’s slipping into a dangerous mania, and you’ve never been this excited for anything in your life.  “Stubborn.”  “Coward.” 

THE ABSOLUTE TENSION AND NEED! Ryen! I love your writing so much! &lt;3

“Want me to kiss your ass? Suck my dick then we’ll talk.”  “Fuck you. I give better head than you anyway.”  His words rival the deepest growl, “Prove it.”  “Make me.”

MAKE ME!! MAKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

You’re shoved onto your knees before Yoongi dives into his pants, and you’re already hungry and impatient enough to help him shrug his sweats down before he can do it himself.  “Choke on it,” he commands, holding his dick and watching as you note how hard he already is. When you waste no time taking him in, you elicit the deepest groan you’ve ever pulled from him when you fling spit onto his length.  Maybe his reaction is to your face. Because you’re still mad as fuck and you aren’t done letting him know that.  With a passing thought, you realize that this is all new. But you’re welcoming it because it’s working. Only Yoongi can bring out this passion even in anger, or maybe the two of you were going to get to this point no matter what.  “Fuck.” He steadies the bottom of your chin while you suck him off. “Uh huh. Got anything else to say?”  You flick him off, and he hums with a rumble, his cock reacting and hitting the back of your prideful throat.  “Fuck you, too, doll.” His talks devolve into hisses, grunts, moans when you slobber all over yourself, and your cunt is already dripping with your own slick. “There you go. Gonna take it all? Or are you gonna keep running that mouth?”  And you pop off before taunting, “Find out, pussy.”  And you’re swallowing him before he shoves you all the way forward, your body arching up in a gag but filled with him him him, your nose flat against his pelvis and his dick squeezing tears from your eyes and your throat overstuffed to hell and there’s no way he’s gonna forget this moment. You’re making damn sure of it.  Another middle finger raises as you’re tensing around him, and you can barely hear him above you but you do know he’s massively pleased. Tears stream down your eyes when you’re yanked off, gasping for air and being pulled off the ground.  “Holy fuck.” 

RYENNNNNNNNNNNNN! to quote Yoongi, "HOLY FUCK" this is so HOTTT 🥵🥵🥵🥵

Throat hoarse, you attempt speech but it doesn’t matter anyway, because his lips steal them all. And your cunt is slapped with a whole palm, making you flinch and shoot out a whine into his kiss.  Before you know it, your body hits the bed before he joins you, arms bulging as he rips your top open completely. You can’t even think straight as he teases your earlier efforts, “I’ve had better.”  “Oh, you fucking—Shut the fuck up,” you growl, a moan leaving without permission as he palms your cunt again. Just when you think he’s gonna top you, Yoongi hauls you up, hastily leading you around the bed until your back connects with another wall.  You love that shit. And you’re starting to think Yoongi is very, very aware of this fact.  “Take those fuckin’ pants off,” he orders. “And hands on the wall before I put them there.”  “Can’t make me do shit—” Fingers grip your chin before Yoongi gets right into your face, primal instinct making you go on full alert. As his tongue prods his cheek, your whole lower body quivers. “I can. And I will, if you don’t behave.” Tapping your jaw in a warning, he hums. “Now do what I fucking say.” 

this is THE HOTTEST YOONGI TO EVER EXIST OMG OMG OMGGGGGGGGGG he will live RENT FREE IN MY TINY LITTLE HEAD FOREVER 🥵🥵🥵🥵

see above gif oof

Now at the mercy of his tongue in close range, you hear his gravelly tone in your ear, “What’s my fuckin’ name.”  “Asshole—”  A hard smack to your tits has you crumpling with a whine. “Say it.”  “I’ll say it if I wanna say it—”  Another spank to your inner thigh and you’re gone. Eyes roll as he tweaks your nipple, and your words are almost garbled when he grips your chin from behind. “This what we’re doing? Hmm?”  You laugh breathy before you taunt, “Uh huh.”  “Mm…” Despite your laugh, you shake. “I wouldn’t do that, doll.”  “Make me. Bet you can’t.”  Tensed and veins angry, Yoongi grips both your tits before snarling, “That’s enough.”  Swiftly, he shoves you down into the sheets, muscular frame pinning you as he strokes up into you just right. Again. Again. It’s all too slow and too effective and you’re trying to stay mad but all you can feel is perfection, your back arching at his thrusts and mewling at his low growls in your ear.  “You wanted this.” Another thrust. “Talking shit.” Your jaw goes slack. “Pissing me off.”   Your groan is downright erotic. Why why why? Just knowing you’re making him this mad flutters your cunt and, from the sinister chuckle shooting into your neck, Yoongi definitely felt that.  “Fuckin’ thought so.” 

Your madness spirals into your curses, and he relishes in your despair, continuing to lick and suck and slap your thighs with patience. “What do you say?”  “Please!”  “Mm. Not loud enough.”  “Yoongi, please.”  “Oh, we’re saying names now?”  Fuck, fuck, fuck, it aches. It’s starting to borderline hurt. “I’ll be good,” you barter, beg, plead with a head spinning off its own axis. “I’ll do anything.”  “Do it yourself then.” 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Your hand is smacked away. And after you try to wrestle out of his grip, you are a flat out, blubbering mess. “Yoongi… Please…”  “Nah.”  This is torture. And you’re frightened at how much you’re enjoying it. “I’m so close.”  “You’ll come when I say you can.”  “Please! …Please..” “You done being a brat?”  “No! Fuck. Yes!”  “Then fucking come.” 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PART 2

Your name stabs you with a crisp shot, coupled with a firm grip on your chin, snapping you back to lucid. And Yoongi’s eyes are frantically searching your own. “Look at me.”  You do. Do you? You do. And his eyes…  They’re not angry at all. It’s pure concern. Steadfast concentration. And something reflecting your soul. “Breathe.”  “Oh, shit,” you whisper, coughing and reaching for oxygen you didn’t know you were denying. Air rushes back into your lungs as you inhale.  “There you go. Keep going.”  You do, gulping down air and hiccuping a breath or two. Your cheek is being caressed, you think. And with another pass, you know it is.  “Relax for me.” And you hiccup a sob. “Breathe, babe.”  You do, you do, you do. Yoongi kisses your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, and you breathe more and more through it all. “You with me?”  “Always,” you answer, filter off because you are hanging by a thread and he’s holding the top. “Please don’t kick me out ever,” you hiccup. “Please, baby, I’ll do anything for you but I—could—never handle that—”  You’re tenderly hushed before lips slide over yours, attempting to swallow your thoughts and your sobs and your oncoming tears. As you flood his bed with apologies, Yoongi keeps wiping them all. “I’m sorry.” 

i LOVETHEM SO MUCHHHHHHH

“Breathe , angel.” 

“I wasn’t kicking you out,” he slowly explains, kissing sweat from your forehead. His words feel like a calm, rock-filled river over your eyes. “I felt like an idiot and hated you seeing me like this.”  “Like what?”  “Just… Like this.”  “You’re perfect like this,” you hitch out, not caring about what flows out of your mouth. “So perfect. Always to me. I just wanted to help you, baby, I’m so sorry—”  He hugs you so tight more tears squeeze out.  And so do more confessions, “I… I care about you. I think a little too much. If I lost you, I wouldn’t—be able—”  “I’m here.”  “So please don’t push me away.”  “I won’t.”  “I know you don’t make promises but—”  “I promise.” Without an ounce of doubt, Yoongi places a firm, lingering kiss on your temple. “Promise. Fuck.” As he holds you tight, you feel him shake before you hear the tiniest sniff at your ear. 

my poor babies! we need to schedule an hour long group hug! :(

That doesn’t make sense. Even in your depleting haze, you know something doesn’t add up. “You can join me now. I don’t mind.” When you try to lift his shirt, Yoongi visibly flinches when you brush over his ribs. And all the murk around your head vanishes in a snap.  He kept his shirt on that whole time. Not once did your positions allow you to see his upper body fully. And now he’s not gonna get in the shower or take his shirt off?  Your voice lowers two octaves when you reach full clarity. “Let me see.”  Unblinking, Yoongi tries to back away, “Don’t worry—”  “Let me see it, baby,” you command, breath cut until he finally allows you to lift his shirt up holy fuck those injuries look so painful tears prick your eyes. “Oh, my god, Yoongi—”  “I’m fine.”  “You’re hurt.” You feel these wounds deep in your ribs, and you tell him to get your kit what the hell he fucked you while feeling those? 

HE GOT HURT! MY BABY! I'm gonna cry, I can't handle this :(

There’s another reason you were so upset. And it has nothing to do with any of them, but with yourself. The main reason you’ve been so riled up and frustrated is because… This is technically your fault, too.  But, unsurprisingly, he won’t let you take any blame whatsoever.  “You got hurt cus I said to play.”  “Nope.”  “I wore the outfit that day.”  “Doesn’t matter.”  “And lost my friends at the club.”  “No.” 

she blames herself? :'( okay, I am SO SERIOUS ABOUT THE GROUP HUG NOW bc my baby NEEDS IT (and me too bc i am so sad :()

“I love you.”  Time bursts. Your chest glows.  Everything starts to beat, beat, beat in slow motion.  And you don’t even feel like you’re in the room anymore. “…What?”  You need to hear it again. You need to need to need to, because if you heard him wrong, you will check yourself and bolt right out the door.  His eyes.  Despite the battlefield on his skin, they are dripping, and sparkling, and full. The whole world suspends as he stares right into your soul, caressing it with his wounded hands and cradling it in his bruised arms.  No matter how hard the moon will try—for years, and years, and years more—it will never outshine this single, shaken, solidified admittance.  “I love you, doll.”

I was NOT expecting this AT ALL! They're IN LOVE! HE LOVES HER AND HE TOLD HER!!!! and then you threw in the DOLL just to make it ache a little more!

“And you don’t have to say anything. I know I don’t deserve to.”  What? “I can’t be everything you want. Or need. Or whatever the fuck I’m trying to say. But I just needed you to know because I can’t fucking fight this shit anymore—”  You lunge forward before he offers his last syllable, careful to avoid his wounds and not mush his face because he would do the same for you.  And it’s all too much tonight. The lingering fear, the dying anger, the floods of relief, the joy . You can’t stop your sobs from coming out in bursts, your whole body wracking with overwhelming emotion as he grits into your skin, “God damn it, I—” “Yoongi—” “—so fucking much.” Yoongi loves you. He’s here. He loves you, loves you, loves you and the beats of your heart pulse orange and blue, blue, blue.  Nothing will ever compare to this moment. Nothing. You will bottle this one up in a jar to place next to all the others you have stored, and when you are lonely, or hurt, or even when you’re doing just fine, you will uncork it to surround yourself with this memory and know that everything will be okay.  He loves you.  Fuck, he loves you?  You choke out his name with a sob, and he squeezes you even harder. When you can’t reply with anything else, he buries his face in the crook of your shoulder, his tears taking root and blossoming into beautiful vibrant fruit all along your rib cage. He loves you.

he loves her! This is so cute! I wanna hug him, he just couldn't hold back anymore and he feels he doesn't deserve it but HE DOES! he totally DOES! and he's been fighting it for who knows how long! I'd love to see when he realizes! The first moment of "Oh, fuck, I love her!"

Giggling, you fight the heat from searing your cheeks as you smile. “You enjoyed it more than I did, I think.”  “I don’t think so.” Yoongi smirks, getting up. “Lemme get a cond—”  “It’s okay,” you halt him with a hand, and he freezes.  Full stop. No movement. Not even a breath. “...What?”  “We don’t…” You swallow, stomach fluttering at his expression. “We don’t have to this time.”  Because Yoongi’s eyes have not left your face. “You sure?”  Then something causes you to smile. Knowing that if there’s anyone you want to do this with, it’s this man right here and now. There’s genuinely no one else in the world with whom you would wanna share this experience, and the fact that he’s still asking makes you emotional. Cradling his face with the most tender touch you can imagine, you confirm, “Just for a little bit.” And you add something you think he needs to keep hearing. “I trust you.”  Gulping down any extra emotions spilling from your heart’s chalice, your words come out a little wobbled. “And I want to, if you want it, too.”  “I want what you want, doll.”  “Then it’s okay.”  

RYEN! i wasn't expecting THIS either! THE L word and the ummmm ya know! AHHHHHHHHH I know i say THIS a lot but SCREAMING CREAMING AND CRYING!!!!! i should get that tattooed somewhere at this point lmao!

“Yes, my love,” you wisp into his skin, craning up to kiss him and swallowing his last slice of doubt. Knowing you’ll say it again and again and again. 

MY LOVE!!!!!

As soon as you feel him—only him, solely him—you swell with a current of emotion. And it pulls you all the way under when he’s fully sheathed inside.  “Holy fucking shit.”   “Yoongi—”  “Fuck.”   Simply having him inside, with no barriers or obstacles in between? You’re already close. There’s no early explanation, but you already feel overwhelmed enough to come.  No no no. You want this to last forever, so you wait for Yoongi to gather himself because he appears to be fighting, too.  Chuckling, you ask, “You good, baby?”  And your lover snaps his gaze to your face, bangs sweeping across your cheeks and eyes unblinking. “Yeah, just...” He stares at your inquisitive expression before whooshing out a harsh breath. “Just this is about to make me bust.”  You burst into laughter before admitting you were just thinking the same thing, and his slow grin makes you want to cry. “We’re not good at this.”  “No. You’re too good at this. I can’t even move.”  “Yes, you can,” you whine. “You wreck my shit all the time.”  Feeling a twitch more prominent than ever, you giggle as Yoongi puffs out pained amusement. “Doll, if you keep talking like that, I’m pulling out.”  “Okay, okay,” you surrender, loving how out of sorts he seems. He’s fighting for his life and you’re enjoying the hell out of it.  “You’re a little too perfect right now.”

THIS IS PERFECT! THEY'RE PERFECT!!! IM IN LOVE!!!

“Taking me so well like this.”  “I—” “So fucking tight.” Fuck fuck fuck it’s habitual for you at this point, and you unhinge your jaw a split second before he smacks the side of your face. Desire lowers your lids halfway as you feel empowered, and you don’t even recognize your voice as you order him on the spot. “Do it again.”  Yoongi doesn’t stop his pace as he keeps his eyes on you.  “Do it again,” you growl, fully limp and a groaning mess when he does exactly what you want.  Fuck, the pain feels good. So good that you reach up and choke him out. But the back of your head is grabbed before you feel hungry lips smash into yours. You feel your wrists pinned again by one large palm, air chilling for a moment before a hot mouth captures one of your nipples. “Oh, fuck, Yoongi!”  “Uh uh.”  “Please—please—” 

THE WAY I WANNA HOWL AT THE FUCKING SKY!!!!! IM NOT OKAY BUT OOOOOOF RYEN!

“Baby,” you gasp. “I’m close, I’m—”  “Shit.” Air whooshes over you before you feel your arms freed and him yank himself out, and you freeze as he unloads right on your stomach, a sharp cocktail of pride and shock in your gut.  Holy fuck, Yoongi was that close? Did he hold out as long as he could? Shit, he’s breathing so hard his jewelry shakes as it dangles.  You’re still so surprised that your arms are still locked into bends, and he glances up at you from his kneeled state. “Fuck,” he laughs, and is that… Is Yoongi shy? “Thought I could hold out.” “No, no, it’s fine,” you assure through your own tiny chuckle. “Oh my god, I promise.” 

THAT's SO HOT! He thought he could hold out but he was so CLOSE AND UGHHHHH

“What, love.” 

“I love you, too,” you whisper, tears sprinting to your ducts as Yoongi freezes. When he looks at you, you can’t help but choke on a sob seeing his eyes get as red as the marks on his cheek. “And you deserve more than I could ever give.”  His eyes hold the heavens and the seas.  You’re right. Just saying it isn’t fucking enough. You’re already liplocked again before you can think, saltwater on your face and you don’t even know whose eyes it came from. Determined, Yoongi starts kissing a trail from your lips to your jaw, and you start to cry as he makes his own journey down the expanse of you.  All of you. Is this what it feels like? Is all of this actually, genuinely real? You hope so, because you feel devotion in each press of his lips, and every touch will be remembered in its own right. Its own pocket of time. Every single stop.

They both said "I love you" it makes me so happy! I'm sad Yoongi got hurt but I hope that's the last of Dalo Dude so they can just be happy with each other.

As Yoongi quietly gets up to get a condom, you’re amazed that he wants to keep going after everything that’s transpired. But, if he feels like you do, he’s ready to keep going until the sun comes up three whole times.  When he sits next to you, your better half appears shy as he bites the wrapper. “Don’t take this the wrong way.” “Oh, I already know.” “K. But god, I fuckin’ want to.” You bite your lip to hold back your smile, remembering what he said a long time ago and bringing it back full circle for the next thing you both wanna try. “One day.”

"Don't take this the wrong way" my baby lol he's a cutie! but also, I see what you did there and I will absolutely lose my shit if that "one day" happens!

“I’m sorry for yelling,” you finally whisper. “But I really was so mad at you. All of you.”  “I know.”  “I don’t wanna lose you.” “It won’t happen again.”  “That’s what you said last time.”  Yoongi stares, seeming to withhold something from you before he palms your cheek. “They were gonna follow us home if we didn’t, babe,” he reveals, snapping your heart back in two. “We all knew that.”  “Oh, fuck.” Everything hits you at once: why they stayed, why you and Taehyung had to leave. Why Tae didn’t bring you straight back to the house. And the burns at your eyes match the searing in your gut. “I didn’t… I didn’t think about that.”  When you start to cry, Yoongi sits up and hangs his head between his sweats. “You don’t need to think about shit like that,” he murmurs, sounding defeated as ever. “But we talked after you told us off. We won’t hide that from you anymore.” 

Nah, Dalo Dude needs to get a job, a hobby, a life and quit his stupid shit! who follows someone home? it's not that serious men are scary! I hope they don't ever have to deal with something like this again.

After dealing with all that and the tempest in his living room, this man still let you in. From the looks of things, there’s a lot that he had been fighting, and you’re more than appreciative that he opened his door. Not knowing how to put these feelings into words, you say the first things that come to mind. And for some reason, they feel heavier on the way out,  “Thank you for letting me in. It was raining really hard.”  Yoongi stiffens hard before holding you closer.  “Babe?” No response. Just another batch of weighted quiet.  Worried, you tilt your head. “Hey. Look at me.” If he stays right where he is, you’ll have to respect that decision. But he ends up pushing himself up, and as soon as you see moonlight catch on a falling tear, all your instincts reach for him, “Oh, fuck, come here.” You surround him with everything you have, wanting every single bit of warmth birthed from his love to fill his space instead of yours. Whatever he needs, you will give. “It’s okay, baby,” you whisper, holding him so close but not nearly close enough.  Never close enough. His face is buried in the crook of your neck, and you will let him live there whenever he needs to. “I’m not mad anymore, okay?” God, you hate how he’s still so silent. You get it, but you hate whatever made him default to this state. “I’m just glad you’re alright.” After light rain fills the room, your soul breaks at a sniffle, and you crush your love even tighter. “This isn’t about that, doll,” Yoongi finally whispers, burying wet eyes further into your shoulder. “It’s just…” It’s what? What’s he thinking about? Hopefully it’s not anything— “It’s so fucking better when you’re here.” 

Ryen! I can't cry again! Why must he suffer my poor heart!

“It’s so fucking better when you’re here.”  When you choke out a sob, his body locks, words pouring from nowhere and everywhere. “I sleep better. Eat better. Fuck, I even feel better even if nothing else changes.” “Yoongi…” “It’s true.” Sighing, he sniffles again before letting his weight drop onto you in resignation. Or relief. “I mean that.” “Then… Those three months…” “One day, I’ll tell you everything,” he offers, making you wonder what the hell he’s been through in the past. And if it has something to do with that guitar he smashed to pieces. “But from now on, you can be here whatever you want.” 

:( i'm so heartbroken

“My brother was the one that invited me. To come to those, I mean.” The way he blinks is comical. “Huh.” “I know.” It’s your turn to bring his hand close, kissing along his knuckles before you stare out the window behind him. “It makes me wonder if he knows.” “What if he does?” You snap your eyes right to his. “Does he?” Yoongi watches your lips linger on his fingers before he tells the truth, “No.” “Okay. But you’re sure I can stay?”  “Who do you think you bought those groceries for?”  Oh. Wait. “What?”  Grinning so sly, Yoongi reveals the plan he had all along, “I get you for a week, right?” Oh. Holy shit. You cannot quite possibly deal with what this man is saying. That whole time you were shopping for his list… No wonder he was already done with dinner when you got there oh you’re gonna get him back for that.  Light bursts from your center as you grit out through a grin, “You sneaky little—” Pulling his tilted mouth in for another kiss, your heart pulses little pink stars as he leans in with a laugh, and you meet lips again and again until he slowly, reluctantly stops.  “One day,” he murmurs out of nowhere, and you flick your eyes to his. “I’ll be better.”

I wonder if the brother knows or suspects. i mean who better to take care of your sister and love your sister than your best friend, I'm just saying lol but he is sneaky! he gets to have her for a whole week! i hope they enjoy it immensely! they deserve it!

You chuckle to yourself, deciding to keep talking because Yoongi is still so very quiet. “At least. Until the day I get to meet my cat,” you huff in triumph. “Then I’m running away with her.” It’s a perfect strike of a match. “Oh, yeah?” “Yeah.” You pretend to pout. “But I’m starting to think she ran away already and you won’t fess up.” Yoongi laughs so suddenly you flinch. After a playful scoff, he tries to make you feel better, “She’s still here!” “Lies.” “How much are you betting, doll.” “How much are you willing to lose, babe.” “This much,” he finally says, pinching your sides and hissing laughter when you scream. “Maybe I’ll make you leave after all if you’re gonna be a problem.”  “You did threaten to kick me out before.”  “Huh? When?” “That day I showed up,” you remind him through a chuckle. Thrown back to that first night, you start to see all the parallels between then and now. And how vastly different things have become. “Said you were gonna kick me out for hustling you.”  The glorious laughter from the depths of his belly makes you grin, and you cringe when his brows pinch in both laughter and pain. “I should’ve!”  He needs to get those hits healed. “You really should’ve.”  “Played me from the very start. You happy with yourself?” When you nod, Yoongi shakes his head. “Course you are.”  “You love it.”  “I do.” Your eyes meet, which proves dangerous for you because he bites his smirk before pulling you in for a kiss. “Thought I was gonna say it, huh.”  “No!” You lie. Because no, you certainly were not! “…Maybe.”  “Guess what.” 

I want her to meet the cat and get her a little bed inside! my babies are happy! Their banter makes me happy, I'm happy for them tho i might cry from the cuteness of it

“I just fucking love you, doll.” 

I LOVE HIM

“I love fucking you, too.” 

the little SNEAK

You feel a sigh wisp over your head before words that make no fucking sense follow it out, “I can’t do shit like this anymore.”  …What? No. No no no he can’t be done just like that you both just confessed everything you need to fight say something anything anything— “I wanna do this the right way.”  Oh.  Yoongi’s chest… It’s shaking.  Pushing yourself up, you search his eyes for answers. “What are you saying?”  When he looks at you, there’s a fire in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Or maybe it has been there all along, and he only needed a spark to set it ablaze. “I’m saying I’ll tell him, doll. Just me.”  Oh. Oh, shit . Didn’t he say not yet? Didn’t he say he needs more time? He said he’d figure it out what is with the sudden… Your tears are automatic as Yoongi roams his gaze from one eye to the other, and he’s swallowing before taking a step. A step you didn’t think he’d make. One you didn’t have the courage to take yourself.  When he utters the words, your soul lets rain fall just as the storm resides. And right as moonlight shines through his blinds. “I’ll tell him everything.”

Yoongi! I hope he does tell brother and I hope it goes well! I'm glad they're at this point bc my heart can't take more! especially this coupled with the events of the Halloween party :(

Ryen! Thank you for breaking my heart and putting it back together! I cried a lot but there were a lot of sweet moments to make it all better! I can't wait to see what happens next! I adore them so much! Thank you so much for sharing! 💜💜💜

broken, pt. 2 (3tan) (m) | myg

title: broken (pt. 2) pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) series:masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongi’s interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted | broken (pt. 1) rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff , smut ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au summary: the championship game lights up... and everything goes down. note: not too much to say other than thank you. this part is definitely another very, very close one to my heart. please buckle up and enjoy the ride. warnings: [spice warnings under the cut] language, angst, tension, alcohol mention & consumption, fights, basketball!yoongi🧍‍♀️, cocky!yoongi, jimin😳, tense situations, did i say angst?, long hair yoongi, crying, bro😀, reader is a real one i don’t make the rules, arguments, the chains stay on(???), …bad boy yoongi😀👍, saying softhours puts some of this lightly, bro🥲, blood/wound mentions, hurt/comfort, there’s just a lot in here y’all idek, taehyung being the best ever, …angst. drop date: february 9th, 2024, 10:37pm est word count: 17.7k my god

smut warnings: cursing, choking, light slapping, breast play, angry s*x a ha ha, crying, multiple explicit scenes y'all istg don't perceive me lol, c*nt slapping, penetrative s*x, brat!reader, protected s*x, edging, consent king ofc :), rough s*x, b*cksh*ts and a lot of them, ...unprotected s*x (yeah it's here and y'all better be responsible or so help me!!!), f*ngering, or*l (m/f rec), brat tamer!3tan yoongi!!!, reader loses themselves for a sec, but yoongi is a king, pain k*nk whewwww, kissing, so much kissing lmfao, c*m play, slight bond*ge (yoongi hands), spanking, aftercare ofc :'))

-

-

There’s no way.

How the fuck is he here? When did that horrible excuse of a guy even join a team? Had he been playing intramurals this whole time? 

“No fuckin’ way.”

Your eyes find your brother standing rigid at your side, wrists tensed to hell and shoulders spiked. Did he not know he was playing, either? Judging by his smoldering question, you’re going to guess he wasn’t aware. 

“Were they always on this team?” 

“No.”

“I don’t remember them being on any teams.”

They? Them? So they recognize more from the court on that day you try to not think about. Shifting your vision, you start gauge reactions under sounds of the growing crowd. 

It’s Yoongi that looks at you first, eyes lowering to the hand you still have on your arm damn it you should be okay about that night already. But you can’t seem to let your limb go, your fingers covering it in a weak attempt at protection and resilience. 

The blaze in his eyes makes you shake. Even as you swallow your pleas for everyone to just go home, he doesn’t look away. Instead, he walks over to stand in front of your knees, motioning for you to scoot over one so he can take the end seat.

Normally, you would slightly question why he wouldn’t just sit next to you. But this time, you’re hyper aware of what he’s doing—and why. It’s so obvious that you wanna reach out and grip his sweaty hand. 

Yoongi absolutely sat there to shield you.

And your heart burns and burns.

If only he could do more, be more, show more. Because with a rattled ego and tainted mind, you’re already yearning for his touch, wanting him to whisk you out of here and bring you back to the comfort of his home—just like he did that night. 

God, he makes you dizzy doing absolutely nothing. 

“What’s the plan,” he asks, eyes on the court and palms between his knees.

“Dunno yet.” Your brother shakes his head before looking back, eyes narrowing at the laughs on the other bench. “But I might get my ass thrown out if we—”

“Play.” 

Immediately, all three of them snap their heads your way. Fuck, your arm is still… 

One person cannot have this hold on you. There’s no way you’re going to let him control your every waking moment, and your determination bubbles into your commands. “Play the game and beat his ass,” you seethe, holding yourself together and aiming daggers everywhere. “Just make it quick.” 

Yoongi gives you a look before Jimin snags him with an eyebrow raise. 

“And you’re paying me double.” 

Looking at the man beside you, it’s almost comforting seeing his attention fully on your face. If it weren’t for your ghost on the other side of the scoring table and your brother standing there, you wouldn’t hesitate to kiss him. 

But you only nod, getting a huff and a lopsided curve in response before you watch him lock eyes with your brother, “What do you wanna do?” 

After a long, resigned sigh, your sibling finally relents, “Fuck this shit up.” 

Good. Yes. This is what you want—for you and them. “Exactly.” 

Scanning around the tight circle, you notice that you have everyone’s attention. 

But one person seems to send a question without any words at all. In kind, you answer the same way, wings battering your stomach when all of them send thunder to the court with lightning in their eyes.

Yoongi scoffs through a slant, carrying the air of someone you never want to mess with in your fucking life. “The fuckin’ nerve.” 

Jimin hums, sliding a finger along his flexed to hell jaw. “Bold,” he adds. And his voice drop sends shivers when he turns to you,

“Don’t worry, love.” 

You stare.

“This will be over soon.” 

-

-

The game is… just a game. For now.

No one’s taunted hard other than a few smirks and winks, and right now it seems as if both teams are just being competitive more than antagonistic. Which relaxes you to the point where you’re cheering from the bench with the other players—and their coach that arrived late—jumping and yelling and clapping when things go in their favor.

Your brother’s slamming down dunks. Jimin’s been playing amazing defense with his quick reflexes and high stamina.

And Yoongi? Has gotten sickeningly sharp. All those late nights at the rec center are paying off in this championship and, when he scores a hard shot, the pride you feel launches you to your feet. 

“Nice job, b—” Oh fuck you almost shout something that should never be public knowledge. Holding your tongue, you quickly switch it up with a hasty, “Let’s go!” 

That was close. Way too close. 

Get it together. 

But you cannot help it right now. Seeing Yoongi facing off against the man you both wanna square up against? And making it look easy? The fluttering you feel in your belly grows double. Triple. Tenfold. His gestures, the way he acts like it’s nothing, his shrugs at their failed attempts to stop him—everything’s making you scratch proverbial walls and kick bench chairs. 

And it’s not just him—the whole team has been playing excellently. Each play seems intentional; every pass and movement is strategic. If you didn’t know this was a casual rec game, you would think they’re gunning for a real, prestigious trophy. 

However. 

When it’s starting to be very clear who the better squad is, that’s when things start getting more than tense. 

On a foul call, both sides start getting in each others’ faces. And you peg that as normal until someone on your team gets shoved and your brother immediately gets between the action. 

Both you and the coach shoot up from your seats. 

Shit, shit, shit. If there’s one thing your older sibling’s gonna do in this game, it’ll be finding any excuse to deck that man in the face. And once that happens, there’s no telling how many injuries are gonna walk off polished floors.

Thankfully, everyone separates without a ruckus, and timeout is called on your side. The crowd starts to yell in favor of either team, and that’s when you notice that Taehyung has been joined by Shiv and your friends. From the looks of things, all five of them are laser focused on you. 

You hold a quick thumbs-up before you’re covered by hot and sweaty men huddling around the bench. And you immediately agree with their coach when he barks, 

“I need you all to calm down.” 

“No can do, coach.” 

“Not if they aren’t.” 

Shit. All of them look fucking livid, not giving any shits whatsoever if they’re willing to talk back to their leader. What’s really been happening on the court? Has it been even more tense than you perceived? 

Oblivious to the context behind this matchup, their coach keeps yelling, “Look, I don’t give a shit if you have something to settle. Play the game and leave it on the floor. Understood?” When there’s charged silence, he yells it even louder. 

And a smattering of agreement comes out before all of you hear an even bigger yelling session booming from the other bench. When you look over, it’s quickly noticeable that they’re getting reamed over there, too. 

Jimin watches before speaking, and it seems like your coach’s pleas fell on deaf ears, “Fifteen went for my legs.” 

“Saw that. Let’s switch cus he can’t guard me.” 

“K.” Park swivels his head to address someone else. “You good to keep playing?” 

Your brother responds with a nod, wiping his never-ending sweat. “Yeah, I’m good.” 

Huh. Even though you know he’s mad, the man seems… Calm. Eerily calm. It’s reminding you of the way he acted after you came home from Yoongi’s. 

And you don’t like it one bit. 

But the timeout is over, and both teams eye each other on their walk back onto the court. As it continues, the gym erupts into life again, with a bit of back and forth shots racking the scoreboard up. 

And Yoongi keeps scoring. And scoring. And scoring. 

Which lands him in a bit of trouble when the same idiot from Dalo pushes him during a layup. After he manages to make the shot, Yoongi immediately flicks him off—which gets a whistle blown. Which also means he has to sit on the bench for a second because his coach is pissed. 

Ignoring the scathing remarks being thrown, he dumps himself next to you. And you immediately feel the heat roll off of him in waves, trying hard to focus on the game. “Don’t be stupid,” you jut out. 

“What?” 

“Don’t be stupid. These guys aren’t worth it.” 

“After what he did to you?” 

The way those words leave his mouth ice you over, flares spiraling through every fiber of your being. Your reaction is so visceral that you can barely get your response out, “Yeah, but…” 

Leaning on his knees, Yoongi wipes his forehead with a crinkled to hell jersey, excess sweat pinging onto his sneakers. The crowd is loud and the buzzers even louder, but they aren’t enough to drown out his bite,

“I can’t let that shit go.” 

“Yoongi.” 

“Sorry, doll.” 

“Please just—” 

Yoongi leaves the bench before you can finish, and you whip your head in a rush, hands jutting out in a desperate attempt to hold him back. 

Only for him to be just out of reach. 

-

-

After halftime, it’s a whole different game. 

From an outside perspective, it’s as if everyone was using the first half to sniff each other out, circling around each other before deciding how and when to go in for the kill. 

And Yoongi isn’t the only one that you’re starting to worry about. Jimin, your brother, and even Rohan and the other guys are on edge, playing hard and doing everything they can to keep their scoring lead. 

Both you and their coach know you can’t stop whatever’s going on out there. And you’re starting to feel yourself getting angry at how your brother and them are egging the guys on. 

Why are they taunting? What the hell is making them so bent on making the other team pissed? Yes, all that went down with you, but nothing else had happened since then. And they clearly aren’t listening to anyone telling them to calm down.

If they end up starting shit you are going to—the fuck! 

Yoongi gets straight shoved again as he goes for a layup, and you shoot up in your chair as he hits the back wall with a thud. While the players at your side are yelling and everyone on the court starts grouping in shouts, you stay rigid, solely watching Yoongi eye his attacker—the same idiot from Dalo.

Fuck everything, you wanna rush into the fray and throw hands yourself because that looked painful.

The only thing that’s stopping you is the chilling fact that Yoongi is… Grinning. 

Wiping his curved lips, he waits while the refs break up the squabble, still looking triumphant as he walks to the line to shoot his free throws. When both of them are made, he stares directly at your assaulter—as you finally call it like it is—and doesn’t stop even when the coward looks away.

A whistle blows, and the game continues to be close. Too close, too close, too close. A couple more timeouts let you see just how laser-focused everyone is, and you’re a little shaken when it feels like they forgot you were even occupying their bench. 

What the hell is being said on the court? Even Jimin is brimming with anger. 

But after a few back and forths, Yoongi passes to your brother for a hard dunk, basket ringing from his throwdown and shaking when he lands. 

Thank god. Those points are enough. They’re gonna win. 

All the pent up anxiety you’ve harbored all game releases as everyone starts cheering, and your pride soars as your boys stare down their opponents while the clock winds down.

It’s over. The game is over, nothing too serious happened, and you can all go the fuck home to eat dinner and celebrate. 

Your eyes catch Yoongi throwing a rudely lopsided curve across the court. Even when Jimin comes up to push him back in excitement, his expression doesn’t change. 

And you find that wildly, unfathomably attractive. 

Then, as it goes, your brother comes up and they all share quick daps, eyes ablaze and not letting the losers out of their sight. 

Well. All of them are infamous for a reason. You would guess their energy altogether certainly contributes to that. Because the aura you feel oozing from them fills the gymnasium all the way up to your knees. 

And the sigh you let out mingles with their coach’s shake of his head.

-

-

Things are still tense as they all shake hands—or at least offer hands to shake—with the other team. The atmosphere is even a little iced when they receive their trophy. 

But the way you’re currently being surrounded as your guys converse hides you from plain sight, so you feel heavily protected. Even Jimin, who’s usually cheerful even when exhausted, wields sharp eyes as he keeps glancing over his shoulder. 

Honestly? You wouldn’t know what to do without them. Both your brother and all his friends, good pasts or not, are great people. They didn’t need to shield you like this. But they’re doing it anyway, because they won’t give that lowlife another reason or chance to approach you. 

Yeah. Your older sibling knows how to choose his circle.

It’s making you wonder if… 

Nah. 

That’s still too big a reach. 

When it seems like all of them and their cheering squad are gone, everyone starts making their way over to the bleachers—and you’re acutely reminded of what went down under similar looking ones the other night. 

Your shivers are overshadowed by Yuri’s telltale screams to Rohan, “You were so good, baby! Are you okay?”

Reia and Dom shake their heads before focusing on you, the latter being the spokeswoman, “So what was all that for?”

“Don’t ask,” you sigh, knowing exactly what she’s referring to. “I’m just glad they won and that we can go home.”

“You’re not coming to Yuri’s?” Reia asks. “I thought we planned on that, no?”

Ah, shit. Earlier this week, you did make plans with them without really thinking about what day they were gonna fall on. But now you’re so mentally drained that you kinda just wanna go—

“Is anyone else starving? I’m hungry as fuck!” 

Right. Food. Adrenaline made you forget you were starving. Glancing towards your brother, you quickly remind him, “Yeah, me. And you’re paying.”

“Ah, shit, that’s right.” As he lets out a hard groan and deals with Jimin and Yoongi’s comments, your sibling relents, “Alright, where are we going.”

“Up to you,” you shrug, stealing a little look at the man you want to kiss like hell for his performance tonight. 

God, Yoongi’s so handsome. As Jimin leaves his side, he silently wipes his forehead of any excess sweat, hands and shoulders shining in the lights wait wait wait. Hold on. 

Walking over, you toss any care about who notices you out the window. And as he eyes your approach, you murmur with care and concern, “Is your back okay?” 

Blinking once, twice, the man nods. “Yeah, it’s all good.”

“You sure? That looked…”

Of course he decides that now is the perfect time to rake his sweaty locks back. Speaking so low that only you can hear, Yoongi reassures with a fist full of hair, “I’m fine, doll.” 

Motherfucker. 

Pinning down your urge to reach out and smother him, you only breathe relief. And before you move away to put some distance between, you whisper, “Thank you.”

Yoongi looks your way again. “For what?” 

Swallowing what’s left of your anxiety, you sigh. “For not getting into it out there. I was about to get mad as hell, but.. Looks like they were all talk.” 

“Mm.”

Honestly? It’s a miracle. The game’s over without any hitches or brawls? More relief starts blossoming in your chest, prompting a smile to grace your features. “You looked so good out there, by the way. I almost called you ba—”

“What are y’all talking about over there!”

Your mouth snaps shut as soon as you see your brother watching, but Yoongi is quick to fire off an insult, “The way you always take so long to pick something.”

“I picked already!”

“Then let’s go then.”

Laughing, you join the whole crew as you’re all the last ones to walk out. Your friends and Shiv parked in another lot since one side was already full, so you tell them you’ll meet at the restaurant.

Some other teammates decide to join, with jerseys being shucked off as everyone heads out the door. Immediately, body odor swoops into your nose, making you welcome the crisp, fresh air of night. 

Scratch that. You smell oncoming rain. 

Conversations cease, which only leaves the sound confirming your observation: booming, rolling thunder. Stopping at the edge of the gym’s awning, multiple heads turn up at the rumbles, watching lightning crack the sky. 

In front of you, Jimin shifts his head to the side. “Still?” 

And when you look at who he’s asking, you see Yoongi nod. 

Weird. 

But it’s not raining just yet, so all of you make your way into the lot and to your cars. As you do, you check your phone while making your way over, aiming a question at Tae, “You know where we’re going?” 

“Yeah, it’s not far,” he responds, fishing out his own device. “I think we’ve been there before.” 

We? Looks like things are progressing nicely over there. Since you’re lingering behind the guys, you start to take a small jab, “We, huh? Cute.” 

Lips spread as tight as his eyes, Taehyung parries. “Cute? Look who’s talking, miss whipped.” 

“You’re whipped.” 

“No, you.” 

“No, you,” you giggle out, reaching out to tickle Tae’s side and laughing as he flinches away. You chase him for a few seconds before you see his whole body freeze completely, asking a small question before going quiet.  

And when you slowly follow his line of vision, your heart freefalls to your gut, smashing it so hard you feel bile sting the back of your throat. 

The man from Dalo. And all the guys from the court plus some. 

Surround both Jimin’s and your brother’s cars.

Fuck. Oh, fuck, there’s so many of them, standing and waiting and unflinching in the bursts of thunder inching closer and closer what the fuck are you gonna do— 

“Taehyung.”

Your eyes shake. 

“Get her out of here. Now.”

And you’ve never screamed so loud. 

Every word rips out of your mouth before you’re promptly shushed by large fingers, icicles pinging around your heart and holding it down, “Don’t fucking do thi—!” 

To your horror, Tae’s already hauling you back, voice low and firm in your ear, “Come on.” 

“No! What the fuck—” 

“We’re leaving.”

“Please—!”

There are so many of them. So, so many of them. Panic drowns out your words and excess leaks out of your eyes, your own storm preventing you from seeing that your best friend is just as torn apart. 

“Babe, we have to go now.” 

“No, let me go!” 

They’re outnumbered. What if they have weapons? What if the police are called? What if something happens that you aren’t prepared for?

You’re screaming. Curses, their names, or whatever whatever you don’t even know what the fuck you’re saying because your toes are kissing the edge of madness. 

Dragged a good distance away, your yells devolve into incoherency, your nose and eye sockets smashing into Taehyung’s solid forearm so hard it hurts. 

Make it out, make it out, make it out. For the love of everything in the fucking universe and beyond it, make it out alive. 

Some movements and backs straightening are the last things you see before getting pulled around the corner.

And when Yoongi calmly rolls one of his shoulders, you feel a wick of your soul burn out.

Panic. Worry. Panic and more panic. The car ride that Tae paid for is the blurriest muddy water you’ve ever waded through.

Truthfully, you don’t even remember blankets being pulled over your shoulder. Where even are you? Oh, you’re in a bed. Whose bed are you in because this isn’t yours. But what does it matter anyway what does anything matter anyway nothing matters there’s nothing you can do you gotta get up and go back over there get up get up go—

As soon as you yank his bedroom door open, Taehyung is there, holding you back and pushing your frantic energy back inside. “Tae, if you don’t let me—”

“Do what!”

“I’m going back!” Wrestling out of his strong hold, you bolt down his hallway, head clanging as your shoulder bumps into a wall. “We need to go back—”

“Stop!” You hear running as you burst through the living room, whizzing past the glowing television. “We have to stay here—”

No no no. There’s no way you’re staying here when you need to be back at that lot. Who the fuck would call for help if anyone needs it? When they’re gonna need it? Your vision proves so blurry you can’t even find your shoes—

Arms wrap around your waist and you fight back with a scream, “Let me go!”

“Stop and just think for a second—”

“Why aren’t you with me on this, they’re—”

“Dumb as fuck!” 

Your friend’s quick comment is so sharp it cuts your breath. As you still in his firm but comforting hold, you finally stop to breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe as you’re turned to level a look with his eyes.

Eyes that are red-rimmed and so, so raw. “They’re idiots,” Taehyung grits out. “But they will be alright.” 

From the shake of his voice, you find that neither of you think that for sure. 

“I need to.. To…” Your breaths are ragged, energy spent and head dizzy from your quick exit from his bed. As you come down from your volcanic high, every weight the world places on your back proves too much. 

“You need to relax,” Tae advises, guiding you further back inside. And you don’t speak as he leads you past the couch, past the pictures on his hallway wall, and into the dark of his bedroom.

Maybe it’s over. Right? Maybe someone will answer if you ring them up. “Call. I need to call…” 

“Shh,” he soothes again, walking you backwards away from his door. When the bends of your knees hit his bed, Taehyung lets you down slowly until you’re sitting. “I’ll do it.” 

Brain fried from hyperactivity, you can only nod. 

Your friend steps away to fiddle with his phone, the light illuminating his beautiful features in the night. When he holds it to his ear, this is when you hear rain and the television in the living room, noticing that it’s playing a movie he watches for comfort. 

Shit. He’s going through it just like you are, and yet he’s still finding energy to calm your nerves? What have you even done to deserve him?

Guess you know how to choose your circle, too. 

Going unanswered, Taehyung lowers his hand, thumb rubbing the homescreen before gripping the device hard. 

Both of you are in the same boat. So steer when he can’t do it anymore. Soft but assertive, you rise to your feet, offering your embrace while calling his name, “..Tae.”

When he turns, the man wastes no time in dropping his phone to bring you in close. “It’ll be okay,” he murmurs, and you hear his words on your head but feel the trembles in his chest. “Okay?”

Feeble fingers grab at his soft shirt, and you bury into his scent while soaked and tired eyes shut. 

You want to believe him. You do. You do. 

But hope may be a bitch. 

So you don’t. 

-

-

Forever passes while you both lie still in his bed, with Taehyung holding you close and keeping you subdued with notes of honey and wood. You both try to have conversation, but it’s disjointed and manufactured, so giving up is a group effort. 

You’re about to give up on a lot of things before you both jolt at Tae’s phone vibrating. 

The world shifts quick as you both sit up, the call immediately being accepted and a low greeting whooshing at your side, “Hey.”

With bated breath, you hear Jimin on the line. “Hey.” 

“You okay?”

“Yeah, we’re all alright, but…”

We. We, we, we, all of them thank the fucking world. As your breath is held, Taehyung’s voice is solid, “Say it.”

“My eye is pretty fucked. Yoongi’s face is cut up and he’s got some nasty bruises on his—” 

You don’t even remember yanking the phone to your mouth. “Where is he.”

Jimin audibly pauses on the line before having the audacity to chuckle. Irked and feeling ire bubble back to the surface, you seethe, “This isn’t funny, Park. Where the fuck is he?” 

“With us.” Us. Shit. “In the car.” 

Oh. 

“Your brother’s here, too.” 

“Ah.” That means they’re all there. They’re all heading home. “Am I on speaker.” 

“Umm.. Yeah.” 

As much as you’re relieved they’re all okay, stockpiled anxiety transforms into anger, your limit striking the thundering sky. “Actually, you know what? Good. Now I can say you’re all idiots and immature as fuck.” 

It’s your sibling that responds first. “Hey, wait a damn minute—” 

“I waited long enough!” you scream, ignoring Taehyung’s wide eyes. 

You know you need to relax. But you can’t help what’s happening right now and all you feel is pain. “I know this shit isn’t new to y’all, but really? You didn’t need to do this.” 

“He was gonna—”

“All you had to do was play the game! Why’d you have to make them mad? Do you even know what could’ve happened back there?” Damn it, you weren’t supposed to cry during this part, not when you just want them to know they fucked up. 

And the response is dead silence. Because of course it is. But if they won’t answer you here, they’re gonna answer another, “Just tell me one thing,” you plead. “Is this gonna happen again?” 

That one your brother answers with finality. “They won’t be coming around anymore.” 

Gulping, you give Taehyung a glossy-eyed look before staring at his lit screen again. Trying not to let your voice waver, you accept his response, “Okay… Are you okay?” 

“Me? Yeah, the hits I took were weak as fuck. I’ll get home soon so if you wanna order in tonight we can.” 

“Fuck that.” 

“Huh?” 

What an idiot. “Bro, you don’t even know how fucking mad I am,” you accuse through gritted teeth. There’s no way in hell you wanna deal with their bullshit. Ignoring your pleas and staring harm in the face? Forget it. “I’m going to Yuri’s.” 

“What? Nah, come home tonight and we’ll talk.” 

“I just—No.” Taehyung has to grip your shoulder before pulling you into a hug. And you’re still steel in his arms because you haven’t been this upset in ages. “I’m not talking to any of you for awhile.” 

And you mean that. 

“…Fine. But go asap then. I don’t want you out late on your own.” 

So you gotta listen to what he wants but when it comes to what you say, it’s crickets? Goddamn, you’re furious. “…Of course you don’t.”

And you hang up before anyone can say anything else. 

-

-

You open the front door to your brother leaning against the hallway wall.

Both of you eye each other, one of you with a perfectly fine face and the other that isn’t so lucky because he’s a fool.

And no words are exchanged as you trudge your frustration to the kitchen. 

-

-

Ice. Bandages. Dinner. Anger propels you through it all.

Whipping up a quick but hearty meal, you let your brother patch himself up after demanding he showered. The smells of comfort food waft through your nose as things sizzle on the stove and, through the whole process, you don’t think about anything except how upset you are.

They’re all okay. But like Taehyung so abruptly put it, they’re all stupid. 

As you turn off your burner, you transfer everything to a bowl, sighing so loud it seasons the top with fire. When you approach the bar, your actions speak pretty damn loud—the dish clank shoving out a question from your sibling,

“Is there something you wanna say to me?” 

“There’s a bunch of shit I wanna say to you.” 

“It’s about Yoongi,” he asks, the absence of hesitation making your insides squeeze. “Isn’t it.” 

But luckily for you, your rage is so potent that it overruns your fear. As soon as your brother stands up and starts to repeat his question, your correction clangs through the room, 

“It’s about all of you! You say you wanna be there for me but what the fuck will doing this shit do?” 

Freezing, the man waits in shock as you keep going, “Yes, that guy deserves hell. I was so scared when he grabbed me at the club.” You stop to swallow. “But I had them both there and we left.”

Fuck, this is hard. Having to relive that shit is difficult but you need your brother—and all of them, for that matter—to know how hurt you feel right now. Mustering up enough bravery to get to the goddamn point, you finally squeak out, 

“If I lose them? Lose you? Because of something as stupid as a fight?” Your eyes search his, and your heart cracks when you see glassy sheen amongst his bruises. “What would I do then?” 

You expect silence. And silence is what you get. It’s drawn out, loud, and telling. “We know.” 

“Do you?”

“Yes,” he whispers, eyes lifting to meet yours with sincerity. “And we’re sorry.”

Another moment passes between the two of you, the food you made left uneaten on the counter and the rest sitting still on the stove. But you know your sibling will eat it all tonight, whether you’re there or not. 

And you step forward at the same time he holds his battered arms out. 

Freshly showered, he still smells like rain and exertion. But his heart beats under your chest, he’s present, and back home—things you need to stop taking for granted. 

But you’re still mad. And getting things off your chest has only made you tired, so you decide that it’s finally time to go before you circle back to other scary territory brought up tonight. “I’m leaving now,” you announce as you step away. “But just think about that.” 

“I will.”

“I’m serious.” 

“I will.”

Staring, you take note of his cuts and injuries, wondering how the others are faring even though you don’t wanna deal with anything else. Because it hurts too much, and if you see who you’re thinking about, there’s no telling what you’d do if you were like this with your brother. There’s no telling how you’d…

No. You choose to go the easy route this time. Everyone can simmer in their sore, swelling consequences while you have a night of de-stressing with your friends. 

So you leave to go pack without another word. 

It’s raining. 

Hard.

And even though your car is heading to Yuri’s, your heart is beating backwards. Tugging you somewhere else and not letting up. 

With a ping of chill, you can’t shake it. Braking at a stop sign close to your destination, you sit in silence, letting the rain pelt every side of your vehicle and wondering what the hell to do. 

Truthfully? Your brother looked like shit. But your body isn’t telling you to go back to the house, which can only mean one other place. And you know for a fact you don’t wanna talk to him, either. 

So fucking upsetting. They did all that for what? You can barely keep your thoughts in a row because they keep yelling at jostling each other just like everybody did on the court. If anyone had to fight the dipshit, it should've been you. 

Fuck! Your head connects with the wheel, an inner monster rumbling with the thunder because you’re so fed up with everything that happened. 

Your brain is the one yelling. But your heart is begging for it to listen. Go to Yuri’s? Go to Yoongi’s. Find shelter in that warm bed of hers and sink in her plushies to comfort you? 

A sigh. Maybe you can at least call him to tell him off one more time. He needs to hear what you told your brother because if you ever, ever lose him—

Your eyes burn. 

Yoongi: Outgoing Call

No answer.

Yoongi: Outgoing Call

Pick up. What the fuck.

Yoongi: Outgoing Call

…Turn the fuck around shit, shit, shit.

Curses flying, you whip your vehicle in a flash, heart pounding so loud it’s blocking out the storm. Which is morbidly impressive considering how horridly it’s pouring. 

Thinking in leaps, you pivot and make another decision. Tell her and make it all quick. 

Yuri: Outgoing Call

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m not coming.”

“You okay?”

“I’m going to Yoongi’s.”

“Yoongi’s? Why?”

Ah, shit. Oh, fuck. She doesn’t know. 

Banging the steering wheel, you smash your teeth, stressed as hell from braving the rain in the dark and now snitching on yourself to someone else. 

Damn it. What do you say? What can you possibly even say when you’re so mad and stressed and conflicted and worried—

“Hello?”

“Because he’s the one,” you whoosh out, your vision quivering twice as much as it should. “And things went down after the game and now something feels wrong.”

“Oh, shit. Is that why y’all didn’t come to—”

“Yes.” When you say all this out loud, now it has weight. Horrifying weight on your chest and a block pushing down on the gas. You hear a bit of shuffling on the line, and you’re starting to get so anxious that you blurt, “Please don’t say anything. Please.”

“I won’t. Not about this.”

“Thank you.”

“Hang up, babe. Make it safe.”

“Okay.”

Go, go, go. Please, just get there. 

Letting up, you change your speed, hoping to everything good in the world that this feeling you have is only a feeling and nothing more. 

Yoongi: Outgoing Call

What a strange emotion, wanting his reason for not picking up solely being because he doesn’t wanna talk to you. That is an answer you can deal with. 

But you still can’t fight off the jagged pulses telling you it’s something else. 

After an agonizing drive, you finally see his complex, tensing harder the further and further away you have to park. 

Whipping into a spot, you screech into it before hauling your bag out, popping the trunk and desperately grabbing a plastic box you always keep inside. 

And the mad dash drenches you long before you seek cover, your bones shivering shivering shivering from the chill.

Yoongi has to be home. His car is here. 

But he still won’t pick up the fucking phone.

Skidding at his door, your knocks are rapid, knuckles singed from the ice cold wraps.

Answer, answer, answer. For fuck’s sake, he better answer. 

After a haunting moment of silence, you decide to call one more time, head wet and bones shivering as you press the phone to your damp ear. 

Finally. “Hello.” 

“Open the door,” you jump into commanding, hearing nothing other than a voice that sounds so crushed and low that it crumples you inside. 

“You’re here?” 

“Yeah, let me in.” Fuck, your teeth are clattering against each other, whether it’s from the rain, the cold, or anger, you can’t tell. 

But the reply you get is the coldest thing imaginable. And it sets your whole body aflame. 

“Not tonight.”

Hell no. Hell fucking no Yoongi is not going to get rid of you that easily. Not when you have a boatload of things to say and only one dock to dump them all on, “Yoongi, I swear to god—” 

“Not tonight—”

“—you don’t let me in I’m—”

“Go home—”

“I’m fucking staying out here until you open the goddamn door!”

Oh, you’re pissed. You’re so fucking pissed because this all could’ve been avoided if none of them were stupid. Or prideful. Or whatever the fuck boys decide to be when they can’t let something go. 

And this man still has the audacity to give you the stiff arm, silence on the line before he rasps out another short, “I’m serious.”

“No.”

“Go home.” 

“No!” 

He says your name. So, so softly, before a gut-wrenching, 

“Please.”

Breath shaken, you rest your forehead against chilly wood, hoping it quells the fire you feel rising from your rib cage. 

You can’t give up. Not when you have so much to say. Not when you have to check on him and make sure he’s fine. 

Not when you give into the strongest premonition that you need to be nowhere else but with him tonight. 

You will stay. Stay, stay, stay. Even if he doesn’t want to see you. 

Voice trembling in rage and concern and everything in between, you feel your eyes sear through when they close, mission boiling down to one more desperate choice, 

“…No.” 

You’re cold. And wet. But you will stand out here for as long as it takes him to let you inside—a night, a day, no matter what.

And for a moment. Or a few. You think he’s dead set on making you prove that. 

But you finally, finally, finally hear a sigh before a lock turn, and you try to prepare yourself for what you see but he opens the door and his face comes into view holy shit he looks like a wreck—

“What the fuck,” you grit out as you rush in with vision swimming, digging into your bag for the medkit you hastily stashed and swinging off your sandals because you gotta get something in the—

A hand grips you hard, tugging you back before you even register what’s happening.

As your feet stumble back onto linoleum, your gaze snaps to the ground. 

And your breath cuts like it’s your last. 

Shards. 

Pieces.

Thousands of wood and glass chips litter the entire open area of the living room. 

And realizing where they came from strikes like lightning. 

Fuck. Oh, fuck, what did Yoongi do?

“I told you, doll.”

You choke on a sob.

“Go home.”

Your breaths return before you straighten, tears flowing freely as you don’t know whether to start cleaning up the chaos or finally facing the one who caused it.

No, no, no. Get rid of it. 

Throw it out, all of it, all of it. 

A new fire roars to life, forging your steeling commitment as you wrestle out of Yoongi’s hold.

What did he do, what did he do?

Revving with smoke out of your ears, you burn a path to the kitchen, grabbing a trash bag before marching into the wreckage. Up go the biggest pieces first, chucked into plastic before the smaller ones follow.

Throw it all. This one, this one, and this one.

Yoongi isn’t even wearing shoes. He can cut himself up even more if this all stays where it is. 

Shit, this is everywhere. 

When you realize you’re gonna need a broom, you storm back into his laundry closet to yank one out and keep going. When you go to sweep, the sharpest voice cuts through your fingers.

“Stop.”

Your grit grips the tool even tighter. Because you won’t. Don’t dare look into his expression, either, because you know that one glance will melt every scream on your tongue. So you stay resolute and shoot rejection to the ground, “No.”

“Just go, please.”

“No.”

This hurts. 

This really, really hurts. 

Yoongi has never, ever said these things to you and it feels like a knife jabbing into the same spot over, and over again. You almost prefer three new months of no contact over whatever the hell this is.

But you have to keep going. Eyes clenching, lips wobbling, you must keep going. 

Because you came here for a reason other than this mess. And he’s gonna have to do better than this to kick you back out into the rain. 

“I got it.” 

“Let me do it.” 

“Your brother needs you.”

“Yeah, well, I already tore the fuck into him and I’m gonna do the same to you.” You harden your fist on the sweeper, tugging it more towards your shoulder with finality. And you gather all the energy you need to leave no more room for arguments, because Yoongi is going to listen, “So sit down.”

It hurts.

He wants to say shit. You know he wants to.

But he only breathes hard with eyes closed, following your orders and carrying his dark clouds to the dining room. 

When he finally leaves you alone, this is when you look his way. 

In sweats and a shirt, he appears fine. But with a deep pang, you notice he’s slightly limping. Judging from those knuckles, you wonder if they’re red from the fight or from hitting another wall of his apartment. 

Or from whatever the fuck happened around your feet.

Shit.

While he dumps himself at his table, you clean up the pieces of his rampage, mentally noting that one plan of yours has now changed. 

This one. These, too. A string here. A metal piece there.

You don’t know how long it takes you. All you know is that you’re burning inside, determined to clean everything and sweep this chaotic energy away. 

One more. Two more. Another one here.

As soon as you’re done, you lug the trash bag out of the front door and don’t give a shit what happens to it now.

Keep going. There’s more that you need to take care of.

The fuel inside of you rages on, anger conflicting with anxiety and past worries and sadness for something that didn’t even happen. As you spin, you vow yourself to keep pushing until you can’t anymore. 

Sniffling. Shivering. But staying strong because things could’ve gone a lot worse. 

Yoongi meets you by the table, messy, damp hair shielding his features. “You’ve done enough.” 

“I still need to—” 

“Just.” He looks away. “Go home, doll. I can’t do this tonight.” 

“Do what? I’m helping you.” 

That’s what you do for each other, right? You both help each other. But now you’re not so sure because Yoongi comes back with not an acknowledgement, nor a way of relenting. 

But ice. 

“Who said I needed it?” 

And in all the time you’ve spent with this man, this is the first time you’ve felt downright cold. “Yoongi, what?” Your eyes travel across his face, chest caving in when there’s barely any hints of vitality. “Are you serious?” 

“You think I’m joking?” 

“You’re kicking me out? What happened to saying you’d never do that, huh?” 

“I say a lot of things.” 

…Oh.

That hurt. That… That physically couldn’t have hurt any harder. 

Nodding, you look away, shaking your head in disbelief because you are on the verge of losing it. “You know what? You do say a lot of things.”

Walking away, you start rearranging pillows on the couch pushed askew. “Like how perfect I am.” Picking up his books from the now non-existent coffee table. “And how there’s no one else.” 

As you give the volumes a new home on his intact tv stand, you turn to face him again. “Those are just words, too, huh?” 

Yoongi kicks his head back with a smile, one that cuts instead of mends. “Nah… Not tonight.” 

“Not tonight what.” 

“We aren’t doing this tonight.” 

“The fuck we aren’t.” It’s his turn to walk away, with a slow head shake that you really don’t like. “Where are you going?” 

“Nowhere.” Yoongi shifts his head to the side, but not enough for you to fully see him. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want you to. “But you’re going home.” 

Something’s off. There’s something completely off but all you feel is sadness and rejection in your ribcage. “So this is how it happens, huh. Now I’m just like everyone else.” 

He finally faces you, miles away even though you’re just rooms apart. “You’re gonna go there?” 

“I am.” 

“Wow.” 

That’s what he comes back with? This is gutting you from the inside out and you have no idea what’s happening but now rage is flaring into your mouth, “You think I wanted to come here? After what all of you did?” 

“Do you even know?” 

“No! But how the fuck would I? You don’t tell me shit!” 

“That’s cus—” 

Your response sears over his floors, “I can take care of myself. But none of you told me about that dude from the court. None of you.” Breath shaken, you continue dumping out all your thoughts and previous concerns, “If I had known? That whole Dalo thing could’ve been avoided and I would’ve ran.” 

For a person that you’ve come to know as so warm, Yoongi’s entire aura freezes you over as you keep talking. “And today? You know how fucking scared I was? If I… I…” 

All he does is stare. Why isn’t he doing anything else? Is he really flipping the switch and choosing to legitimately let you leave this time?

Fine then. 

“You know what?” Giving up, you laugh—harsh, and breathy, and without any joy at all. “Forget it. You’re not even listening anyway.”

“I swear to—I just said not tonight.” 

Frustration from the game, fear from the ambush after, anxiety from not hearing from them. All of it coalesces into something you can’t even control anymore. Your buffer shuts off, the monster you created seizing the reins, “No, I get it. I do! You want me gone. Sure. See you in three more months.” 

Stunned, Yoongi huffs in disbelief, jaw working overtime. “Are you serious?” 

“Yes, I am. Trying to help you but it looks like you don’t even want that. So good fucking bye.” 

And it looks like he has a beast of his own because his next response to your last attempt has you reeling back in shock, 

“Who asked you?” 

Dark liquid drips onto your soul. 

You can only stare, unblinking and feeling like you’re in an entirely different universe. “Who asked me? Who asked me.” 

“That’s what I said.” 

Forget the question of who asked you because… Who are you even talking to? Who is this person standing in front of you because it’s not the Yoongi you know. It’s so jarring and hurtful and strange that you truly feel thrust into the middle of a nightmare. 

You’re gonna do it. You’re actually gonna leave this time. 

“You know what? Kiss my ass, Yoongi.” 

God, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

It hurts.

You don’t even know where this is all coming from. All you know is that you’re angry and there’s no stopping the hot magma bubbling in your center. 

Silence fills the room.

And it rains. It pours.

But finally, you hold a sob back before burning a shaky path to his door, wrestling with the lock before yanking it open—

Only to have it shut back in your face, so thrown when you realize you’re getting spun. Air whooshes out of you before your shoulder blades connect with wood—  

And this is the goddamn breaking point. The walls you haphazardly built to keep you upright collapse and tumble. It’s so potent and blinding that you don’t even realize your hands are connecting with his chest in the weakest, saddest ways and you are outright screaming. 

“God, what the fuck! I told you to—We didn’t hear from you for hours and I—I didn’t know if you were okay—” 

“Whoa, hold u—” 

“I thought the worst and I—didn’t even get a chance to—I finally told you want I wanted and you—Fuck—” 

“Just listen—” 

“Don’t ever do that again! I don’t wanna lose you and today was so fucking scary and I’m not, fucking, leaving—” 

Your lips are smashed to hell, his lips bruising so hard you feel it in the back of your skull. And it’s a whole storm as Yoongi pins you against the door, leg wedging between yours and his hands gripping you like a vice. It’s intense. It’s overwhelming. 

“I swear to—” 

You don’t know what to do. What to do what to do what to do, and all your madness jangles as you’re yanked and slammed against another wall, breath leaping into his open mouth before you tug at his hair, digging anger through his shoulders. 

“Can’t fucking listen, can you?” 

“No,” you rip from your throat, shoving him back only to gravitate right back and lock lips again. 

And he rips at your clothes, tearing the front of your shirt so far your chest emerges on full display. Before you can even react to the cuts on his face, Yoongi’s hand clenches around your throat, making you gargle just how you fucking want to right now. 

“Shouldn’t even fucking be here.” 

“When has that ever stopped us.” You groan as you get rapidly led back into something hard, and you realize it’s the dining table digging into your ass. 

“He’s still home.” 

“So?”

“Shouldn’t you—”

“Then kick me out!” you taunt. “For real. Let me go. Fucking do it then.” 

Yoongi works his jaw before gripping tighter, making you groan and your gut flare into something primal. Nostrils flaring, he moves to grip your head hard enough to make your stomach flip but not firm enough to scare you. 

Never to scare you. “You aren’t gonna leave me alone.” 

Your eyes are ice. 

“Are you.” 

You solely watch in determination, breath harsh from your nose and billowing out like steam. Drilling your answer into his eyes, you charge the surrounding air enough to spark like the flashing sky outside. 

And Yoongi cracks like lightning. 

“Goddamn it.” 

Everything happens at once and in quick succession. Teeth grit to hell, Yoongi pulls you upward before fast stepping you to his bedroom, slamming you through the door before you shove him right into his desk. 

Things teeter and shake and clang with each impact, your storm disrupting everything in its path and creating a tornado of desire and thoughts in your brain. 

Something swirls and twists between your souls, tightening and condensing into emotions darker than midnight. And as angry as you are, it’s slipping into a dangerous mania, and you’ve never been this excited for anything in your life. 

“Stubborn.” 

“Coward.” 

Your back stings as you’re pushed back into his door, the wood smacking into the spackle of his wall. Rough lips smother yours as you claw at his shoulders, neck, hair, and you hear him growl into your mouth, 

“Want me to kiss your ass? Suck my dick then we’ll talk.” 

“Fuck you. I give better head than you anyway.” 

His words rival the deepest growl, “Prove it.” 

“Make me.”

Whirlwind. Storm. Tempest. At this point, it’s a whole goddamn high. Your body is thrumming and the only way to feed your anger is to channel it through actions. 

And truth be told, you need this. You both do. With all the high strung emotions that had nowhere to go until you collided?

This is liberation. 

You’re shoved onto your knees before Yoongi dives into his pants, and you’re already hungry and impatient enough to help him shrug his sweats down before he can do it himself. 

“Choke on it,” he commands, holding his dick and watching as you note how hard he already is. When you waste no time taking him in, you elicit the deepest groan you’ve ever pulled from him when you fling spit onto his length. 

Maybe his reaction is to your face. Because you’re still mad as fuck and you aren’t done letting him know that. 

With a passing thought, you realize that this is all new. But you’re welcoming it because it’s working. Only Yoongi can bring out this passion even in anger, or maybe the two of you were going to get to this point no matter what. 

“Fuck.” He steadies the bottom of your chin while you suck him off. “Uh huh. Got anything else to say?” 

You flick him off, and he hums with a rumble, his cock reacting and hitting the back of your prideful throat. 

“Fuck you, too, doll.” His talks devolve into hisses, grunts, moans when you slobber all over yourself, and your cunt is already dripping with your own slick. “There you go. Gonna take it all? Or are you gonna keep running that mouth?” 

And you pop off before taunting, “Find out, pussy.” 

And you’re swallowing him before he shoves you all the way forward, your body arching up in a gag but filled with him him him, your nose flat against his pelvis and his dick squeezing tears from your eyes and your throat overstuffed to hell and there’s no way he’s gonna forget this moment. You’re making damn sure of it. 

Another middle finger raises as you’re tensing around him, and you can barely hear him above you but you do know he’s massively pleased. Tears stream down your eyes when you’re yanked off, gasping for air and being pulled off the ground. 

“Holy fuck.” 

Throat hoarse, you attempt speech but it doesn’t matter anyway, because his lips steal them all. And your cunt is slapped with a whole palm, making you flinch and shoot out a whine into his kiss. 

Before you know it, your body hits the bed before he joins you, arms bulging as he rips your top open completely. You can’t even think straight as he teases your earlier efforts, “I’ve had better.” 

“Oh, you fucking—Shut the fuck up,” you growl, a moan leaving without permission as he palms your cunt again. Just when you think he’s gonna top you, Yoongi hauls you up, hastily leading you around the bed until your back connects with another wall. 

You love that shit. And you’re starting to think Yoongi is very, very aware of this fact. 

“Take those fuckin’ pants off,” he orders. “And hands on the wall before I put them there.” 

“Can’t make me do shit—”

Fingers grip your chin before Yoongi gets right into your face, primal instinct making you go on full alert. As his tongue prods his cheek, your whole lower body quivers. “I can. And I will, if you don’t behave.” Tapping your jaw in a warning, he hums. “Now do what I fucking say.” 

Holy shit, he’s not playing around. Which only heightens your desire to peaks previously unreached, and you’re shucking your bottoms off while he yanks his drawer open for condoms. Hurrying, you fling your clothes away before planting—

Yoongi smashes his whole front against your back—pinning your whole body against the cold, rough wall—before intertwining long fingers with yours. “Good girl.” 

Hitching your hips back, he sticks your ass out as you slip, and you feel his cock tease your entrance. Groaning, you grip your hands into fists as he continues to rub your cunt but never enter. Denying, denying, denying. Smacking your pussy and still not letting you feel him inside. 

And it’s maddening. “Please!” 

“Please what,” he asks, giving your ass a spank that has you flinching into the wall. 

And, without any shred of mercy, this goes on for longer than he’s ever held out. It’s so sickening that tears start flowing from your eyes, and you devolve into saying anything to get him to fuck your brains out. Between spanks on your ass, slaps on your tits, and aggravating kisses on your back, Yoongi doesn’t let you phase him for minutes. 

It’s when you choke on a sob that he finally, finally squeezes inside of you, checking for your nod before wrecking you completely. 

“Oh, fuck—” Your eyes shut tight as you try to keep yourself upright, hands pushing against the wall as your legs shift with every thrust. 

“This ass. Fuck.” Yoongi’s pace is relentless, hands bruising your hips and your cheeks smacking into his pelvis over and over and over. “It’s a goddamn problem.” 

You’re trying so hard. So, so hard to stay on the wall. But your hands are too sweaty; they're starting to slip with each attempt. “Bed,” you command. “Bed now.” 

And he obliges immediately, pulling out and yanking you back. Mouth to your ear, he both checks in while making your legs jelly, “You tapping out?” 

“Break my fucking back,” you rasp in return, hearing him growl in satisfaction before burying you facedown into his bed. As he plunges inside again, you grip at his sheets, driven to the brink and reveling in all the things he’s saying to you while feeling him in your stomach. 

Suddenly, you feel your arms pulled back, and you yell into his mattress as he buries himself even deeper. Everything you’re screaming makes no sense, but the phenomenal sensation you feel as you go limp renders you speechless anyway. 

Yoongi knows exactly what he’s doing as he pushes his thumb into your asshole, because you clench so hard around him that he chuckles darker than dark. Careening into space, you kiss the edge of euphoria before he inconveniently pulls out, launching a sling of insults from your mouth. 

“What was that?” 

“I said fuck you!” 

“Thought so.” 

Not done in the slightest, Yoongi hauls your thighs so flush against him that you have to use your fingertips for support. Just as you’re about to argue, he rams into you from a new and impossibly enticing angle and holy fuck it feels so good you want to weep.

“Put that fucking hand down,” he growls, smacking away the fingers you didn’t even know were on your mouth. “If you wanna talk shit.” 

“Fuck—!” 

“Uh huh. Let it out, baby girl.”

You’ve never felt this out of control. This wild. This out of body. Your head is yanked back, your back pressing into the front of his shirt before you feel him so far into your guts that you quiver. 

Now at the mercy of his tongue in close range, you hear his gravelly tone in your ear, “What’s my fuckin’ name.” 

“Asshole—” 

A hard smack to your tits has you crumpling with a whine. “Say it.” 

“I’ll say it if I wanna say it—” 

Another spank to your inner thigh and you’re gone. Eyes roll as he tweaks your nipple, and your words are almost garbled when he grips your chin from behind. “This what we’re doing? Hmm?” 

You laugh breathy before you taunt, “Uh huh.” 

“Mm…” Despite your laugh, you shake. “I wouldn’t do that, doll.” 

“Make me. Bet you can’t.” 

Tensed and veins angry, Yoongi grips both your tits before snarling, “That’s enough.” 

Swiftly, he shoves you down into the sheets, muscular frame pinning you as he strokes up into you just right. Again. Again. It’s all too slow and too effective and you’re trying to stay mad but all you can feel is perfection, your back arching at his thrusts and mewling at his low growls in your ear. 

“You wanted this.” Another thrust. “Talking shit.” Your jaw goes slack. “Pissing me off.” 

Your groan is downright erotic. Why why why? Just knowing you’re making him this mad flutters your cunt and, from the sinister chuckle shooting into your neck, Yoongi definitely felt that. 

“Fuckin’ thought so.” 

When he reaches to grab your breasts, the last thrust has you crying out in a flurry of pleasure. 

Every single thought is Yoongi, from beginning to end in a biblical cycle of debauchery. Exertion leaves you slick, sweat coating the expanse of your skin only to press into his bed, your mess your mess your mess. At his hands. The smacks of his cock. The rolls of his hips. Are you gone? Are you here? If he’s bruised then you feel like you are, too, and you welcome the temporary pain as Yoongi’s fingers dig ever deeper into your waist fuck one’s now pinning your head down. 

The moans you let out are unending, and your thighs shake when all you get in response is a laugh of condescension. 

“Look at you. Can’t even stay mad.” 

“Fuck you!” You’re close, you’re close, you’re close again. Release is at your fingertips, but Yoongi yanks himself out to rip it away from your outstretched fingers. “No!” 

“What, doll.” 

“Please!” 

“Nah.” 

Body sore, you’re flipped over with no mercy as something else presses against your cunt. 

Fucking hell, he’s eating you out now? Shaking, you feel Yoongi’s tongue swirl around your thrumming clit before he sucks, edging you to the point of tears and heartbreak. And it proves too much as you grab at his head, yank at his hair, because he lets up when you’re close. 

Every. Single. Time. 

Your madness spirals into your curses, and he relishes in your despair, continuing to lick and suck and slap your thighs with patience. “What do you say?” 

“Please!” 

“Mm. Not loud enough.” 

“Yoongi, please.” 

“Oh, we’re saying names now?” 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, it aches. It’s starting to borderline hurt. “I’ll be good,” you barter, beg, plead with a head spinning off its own axis. “I’ll do anything.” 

“Do it yourself then.” 

Later, when you look back on tonight, you’ll be embarrassed and shy to hell. But right now, you’re so over any shyness that you don’t hesitate, reaching down to rub at your clit and moaning when it’s so sensitive.

And Yoongi gets a front row seat. 

His groan is gutteral. And it doesn’t take you long to quicken your pace, bucking your hips and whining to the ceiling. You’re so so so close it’s right there—

Your hand is smacked away. And after you try to wrestle out of his grip, you are a flat out, blubbering mess. “Yoongi… Please…” 

“Nah.” 

This is torture. And you’re frightened at how much you’re enjoying it. “I’m so close.” 

“You’ll come when I say you can.” 

“Please! …Please..”

“You done being a brat?” 

“No! Fuck. Yes!” If you weren’t so far gone, you may have deciphered a tiny smile of amusement. But it won’t be for months later until you’ll realize that you were wrong. 

Because the menacing flash of teeth you see is much too wide to be anything other than pride. “The fuck did I say? Use your words.” 

You know you’re still upset. You know Yoongi is still upset. But for some reason, you feel closer to him than you have in awhile, and you wonder if lust and madness are two sides of the same coin. “Let me come. Please.” 

Yoongi finally obliges with something he hadn’t pleasured you with yet. And your vision blanks as you yelp at the sensation, his slick fingers pistoning into your folds so fast you’re arching so taut. From between your quivering legs, you hear one final command, 

“Then fucking come.” 

And you burst, so hard you almost feel like something threatens to spew from your cunt. But all you can do is shake and thrash under his grip, so erratic that you feel like Yoongi’s starting to pin you down. Gone, gone, gone, you’re sure the veins of your neck threaten to break through your sweaty skin. 

Then you feel his cock thrust inside of you, and you whip your head forward only to get your airway cut off. “Again,” he calmly repeats, flinging you back to the last time this happened. 

Only this time, there’s even less room for you to make any other choice. 

“I said again.” 

Your body cannot fathom disobedience, pulsing and milking his perfect fit. Over, and over, and over. You hear rumbling from a dragon above, feel breaths of steam whooshing as it watches you come undone. 

“Yoongi—” 

A light slap to your cheek is your only warning before your chin is tugged, lips smushing into yours to swallow your straining sobs. Fuck, fuck, fuck, your body is still thrumming, inundating around his cock until your emotions spill from your core. Toes. Fingers. Everything is straining and locking in place. 

“So fucking hot.” He rips your soul right out. “Shit.” 

You fly through time and space, gathering emotions and feelings and spiraling spiraling spiraling. Crying. You’re crying. Full on crying you’re so overwhelmed with everything truly you were so mean to him you upset him holy fuck you should’ve left when he told you to—

“Baby.” 

But you cannot stop crying, choke choke gasping on sobs. 

“Babe.” 

“I—I—” 

Your name stabs you with a crisp shot, coupled with a firm grip on your chin, snapping you back to lucid. And Yoongi’s eyes are frantically searching your own. “Look at me.” 

You do. Do you? You do. And his eyes… 

They’re not angry at all. It’s pure concern. Steadfast concentration. And something reflecting your soul. “Breathe.” 

“Oh, shit,” you whisper, coughing and reaching for oxygen you didn’t know you were denying. Air rushes back into your lungs as you inhale. 

“There you go. Keep going.” 

You do, gulping down air and hiccuping a breath or two. Your cheek is being caressed, you think. And with another pass, you know it is. 

“Relax for me.” And you hiccup a sob. “Breathe, babe.” 

You do, you do, you do. Yoongi kisses your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, and you breathe more and more through it all. “You with me?” 

“Always,” you answer, filter off because you are hanging by a thread and he’s holding the top. “Please don’t kick me out ever,” you hiccup. “Please, baby, I’ll do anything for you but I—could—never handle that—” 

You’re tenderly hushed before lips slide over yours, attempting to swallow your thoughts and your sobs and your oncoming tears. As you flood his bed with apologies, Yoongi keeps wiping them all.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry for.” 

“I’m really sorry.” 

“Babe.” 

“You told me so many times—” 

“Breathe, angel.” 

You blink at the change in name, and it makes you focus just a bit stronger. Floating down from the precipice. 

“I wasn’t kicking you out,” he slowly explains, kissing sweat from your forehead. His words feel like a calm, rock-filled river over your eyes. “I felt like an idiot and hated you seeing me like this.” 

“Like what?” 

“Just… Like this.” 

“You’re perfect like this,” you hitch out, not caring about what flows out of your mouth. “So perfect. Always to me. I just wanted to help you, baby, I’m so sorry—” 

He hugs you so tight more tears squeeze out. 

And so do more confessions, “I… I care about you. I think a little too much. If I lost you, I wouldn’t—be able—” 

“I’m here.” 

“So please don’t push me away.” 

“I won’t.” 

“I know you don’t make promises but—” 

“I promise.” Without an ounce of doubt, Yoongi places a firm, lingering kiss on your temple. “Promise. Fuck.” As he holds you tight, you feel him shake before you hear the tiniest sniff at your ear. 

Oh. He doesn’t need to be like this, too. You try to move your hand up between your bodies to comfort him, but your whole limb feels gelatinous. So you simply whisper, “It’s okay, baby.” 

You can’t tell how long you lie like this, with his beautiful weight on yours. But time is irrelevant when your mind is unwinding from hours of whirring, starting to finally accept the fact that everyone is okay and you don’t have to be angry anymore. 

“Come on,” Yoongi rasps, voice cracked and airy. “Let’s go.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Shower.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

You’re so thrown and dizzy from what just happened that even getting to the bathroom is a blur. What you kinda feel is Yoongi holding you upright when your legs buckle, but you don’t remember when he leaves your side to turn the water on. 

As he flips on the light, your eyes squeeze until they adjust, and you watch as he tests the water while fully clothed. Air conditioning starts to give you a chill, but the shower warms up just in time because he reaches out to guide you inside. 

Wait. Is he not joining you? Bleary, you grab at his shirt when he steps away, eyes pleading. “Are you coming in, too?” 

Yoongi stops before he gives a shake of his head. “I’ll take mine when you’re done,” he says through a slight smile. “We’ll take care of you first.” 

That doesn’t make sense. Even in your depleting haze, you know something doesn’t add up. “You can join me now. I don’t mind.” When you try to lift his shirt, Yoongi visibly flinches when you brush over his ribs.

And all the murk around your head vanishes in a snap. 

He kept his shirt on that whole time. Not once did your positions allow you to see his upper body fully. And now he’s not gonna get in the shower or take his shirt off? 

Your voice lowers two octaves when you reach full clarity. “Let me see.” 

Unblinking, Yoongi tries to back away, “Don’t worry—” 

“Let me see it, baby,” you command, breath cut until he finally allows you to lift his shirt up holy fuck those injuries look so painful tears prick your eyes. “Oh, my god, Yoongi—” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re hurt.” You feel these wounds deep in your ribs, and you tell him to get your kit what the hell he fucked you while feeling those? 

Attempting to alleviate your stress, Yoongi decides to strip fully and step into the shower, ignoring your pleas to grab your med kit and promising you can take care of him when you’re done washing up. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, doll.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Promise.” 

And when his arms wrap around you, this is when you finally let go. Huge, chest-wracking sobs echo around tile, and Yoongi stays quiet through your cathartic release. 

There’s another reason you were so upset. And it has nothing to do with any of them, but with yourself. The main reason you’ve been so riled up and frustrated is because… This is technically your fault, too. 

But, unsurprisingly, he won’t let you take any blame whatsoever. 

“You got hurt cus I said to play.” 

“Nope.” 

“I wore the outfit that day.” 

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“And lost my friends at the club.” 

“No.” 

Sniffling in quick succession, you think about one other option. Some form of closure that can double as compromise. Voice soft, you suggest the last resort you have, 

“How about we share it.” 

Yoongi blinks twice before he clarifies, “You wanna share the blame?” When you nod, he huffs through the tiniest smile of confusion. “Mm. Then it’s our fault.” 

“Okay.” 

After shaking his head, he closes his eyes, molding his forehead with yours. “What are you doing to me.” 

A sniffle. “Wrecking your water bill.” 

His laughs join yours as you barely get your sentence out before giggling, and to feel him so close and present and here makes your worries slink down the drain. 

Hands trace down your arms, walking along falling rivers before creating ponds with your fingers intertwined. “Gonna clear me out someday.” 

“Duh.” 

He’s himself again. 

And after a whole night of chaos, you feel like yourself again, too. 

That’s all you both need to feel peace. 

-

-

You keep that tranquility carrying you through his room, peeking into his closet to grab the biggest shirt and sweats you can find before drying your head. 

But no matter how much water you can dry, your body will keep being washed in relief. And it’s the calmest feeling, watching as Yoongi does the simplest things near his bed. 

Your lips curve when he pulls up his pants; your heart beats when he grabs a tee. It’s in this moment that you admit that these outfits of his are your favorites, and you gravitate to him as he slips cotton over his damp head. 

“Come on,” you softly offer as you turn. “I’ll make food and get you some ice.”

Again, Yoongi just stares with a faint smile. But his eyes are alive again, so you’re more than fine if he just follows your lead without a word.

In the kitchen, you pause amongst the appliances, the cabinets watching as you utilize your phone to find a good recipe. “What shall we eat… Stew? Or, wait—” 

Looking up, you eye him in thought before choosing to focus on something else. “Actually, let’s figure you out first.” 

Opening yet another tab to add to your hundreds, you type away before selecting a good starting point. “Okay, let’s see. You’re breathing fine, so no bruised ribs. Umm…” 

Scroll, scroll. 

“It looks really bad there, though. You sure you can move right?” 

Despite asking, you go right back to your phone before Yoongi can even respond. Scrolling and clicking and reading again. 

Scroll, scroll. 

“Okay, so no bruised ribs, and according to this you don’t have any broken bones. And nothing fractured, either, thank god—”

“I love you.” 

Time bursts.

Your chest glows. 

Everything starts to beat, beat, beat in slow motion. 

And you don’t even feel like you’re in the room anymore. “…What?” 

You need to hear it again. You need to need to need to, because if you heard him wrong, you will check yourself and bolt right out the door. 

His eyes. 

Despite the battlefield on his skin, they are dripping, and sparkling, and full. The whole world suspends as he stares right into your soul, caressing it with his wounded hands and cradling it in his bruised arms. 

No matter how hard the moon will try—for years, and years, and years more—it will never outshine this single, shaken, solidified admittance. 

“I love you, doll.”

You don’t know what to do. You don’t know what to fucking do. 

Why is Yoongi saying this now? Why is he choosing now of all times to make you the happiest person in the universe? 

No. 

Happiness isn’t even close to what you feel and you’re pretty sure you’re crying but nothing makes sense and your vision plunges under sunlit waters. 

“And you don’t have to say anything. I know I don’t deserve to.” 

What?

“I can’t be everything you want. Or need. Or whatever the fuck I’m trying to say. But I just needed you to know because I can’t fucking fight this shit anymore—” 

You lunge forward before he offers his last syllable, careful to avoid his wounds and not mush his face because he would do the same for you. 

And it’s all too much tonight. The lingering fear, the dying anger, the floods of relief, the joy. You can’t stop your sobs from coming out in bursts, your whole body wracking with overwhelming emotion as he grits into your skin,

“Goddamn it, I—”

“Yoongi—”

“—so fucking much.”

Yoongi loves you. He’s here. He loves you, loves you, loves you and the beats of your heart pulse orange and blue, blue, blue. 

Nothing will ever compare to this moment. Nothing. You will bottle this one up in a jar to place next to all the others you have stored, and when you are lonely, or hurt, or even when you’re doing just fine, you will uncork it to surround yourself with this memory and know that everything will be okay. 

He loves you. 

Fuck, he loves you? 

You choke out his name with a sob, and he squeezes you even harder. When you can’t reply with anything else, he buries his face in the crook of your shoulder, his tears taking root and blossoming into beautiful vibrant fruit all along your rib cage.

He loves you.

Why can’t you seem to say it back? What the fuck is wrong with your tongue?

Maybe it’s because saying it doesn’t feel like enough. Like it’s laughable that there are words for this feeling because they don’t nearly represent what you harbor in your very being for this man. 

There’s no way any words are enough. Not for him. Nor for you. Because right now, Yoongi needs something more. And you’re going to give him more than everything. 

“Yoongi, I—”

He captures your lips in his, and you let him push you against his counter and consume you everywhere he wants to. Between his claims, your sobs have room to breathe. Which makes for a horrible showing of your attempting to say what you want to. “I… I can’t… Yoongi—”

Fingers press into the back of your head, a forehead smushing into yours and shutting you up completely. “I’m sorry,” he says, words rolling down the tracks your tears have walked. “I won’t ever be able to say that enough.” 

“Baby,” you hiccup, resting a hand over one of his. “It’s okay.” 

“It’s not.”

“It is.” You squeeze his hand, feeling the lovely digs of his knuckles in your palm. His scent wafts around you like an embrace, and you know there’s nothing quite like it. At all. “You’re okay, so I’m okay.” 

After he plants a warm kiss on your temple, you feel his hands ball into fists at your ears. “I just—fuck.” 

There’s no telling what he’s thinking about in that brain of his. But you need him to know that there’s nothing more for him to be sorry for. All you care about is that he’s present, responding, and himself. 

“Babe,” you whisper, still not believing those three words coming out of his mouth. “I’m here.” 

“I know.” He sighs, smushing into your lips and holding you so tenderly, yet so tight. As he laps at your tongue, you’re more than sure he can taste your rainfall. 

None of this is real. Because you can’t believe it at all. Even as Yoongi continues his journey across your neck, your shoulders, your jaw, your face, you still can’t piece together that this is truly happening.

When you feel him hard on your pelvis, you remember that he didn’t get the same release you got earlier. But you’re not gonna be the one to suggest going again, all of this will be what he decides. 

And what Yoongi decides is to pull you closer, breathing you in while you do the same. His kisses are never ending, and your hands roam languidly along his shoulders, his hair, stretching across the expanse of his back. One that has held the weight of the world and then some.

His name leaves your mouth in a sigh, your back arching as softly as the kisses being planted along your breasts. 

“If you only knew,” he whispers, laughing to himself as he wraps an arm around your side.

“Knew what?”

“Nothing, babe.” You gasp into his next rough press to your lips. “You’re so—fuck.”

You said you’d let him lead. But as Yoongi starts to walk you into his bedroom again, you think about his injuries and feel more concerned after knowing they’re there. So you quietly stop him as you reach his bed, “Are you sure?” 

“I’ll be alright, doll,” he whispers, lowering you down and smiling so tranquilly your heart lurches. “As much as I think you enjoyed the first time, this time will be better.” 

Giggling, you fight the heat from searing your cheeks as you smile. “You enjoyed it more than I did, I think.” 

“I don’t think so.” Yoongi smirks, getting up. “Lemme get a cond—” 

“It’s okay,” you halt him with a hand, and he freezes. 

Full stop. No movement. Not even a breath. “...What?” 

“We don’t…” You swallow, stomach fluttering at his expression. “We don’t have to this time.” 

Because Yoongi’s eyes have not left your face. “You sure?” 

Then something causes you to smile. Knowing that if there’s anyone you want to do this with, it’s this man right here and now. There’s genuinely no one else in the world with whom you would wanna share this experience, and the fact that he’s still asking makes you emotional.

Cradling his face with the most tender touch you can imagine, you confirm, “Just for a little bit.” And you add something you think he needs to keep hearing. “I trust you.” 

Gulping down any extra emotions spilling from your heart’s chalice, your words come out a little wobbled. “And I want to, if you want it, too.” 

“I want what you want, doll.” 

“Then it’s okay.”  

Clothes on or off, you still feel so shy underneath him. 

But this time, you vow to shove those feelings of unworthiness to the side. Because you are fully invested in this moment above all others. And Yoongi deserves more than you can give. 

When he slowly tugs his sweats from your legs, you’re already choking back tears. As he climbs on top, you await the connection you never in your dreams would’ve imagined. 

And when Yoongi stares at you one more time, you know exactly what he’s asking. 

“Yes, my love,” you wisp into his skin, craning up to kiss him and swallowing his last slice of doubt. Knowing you’ll say it again and again and again. 

His brows pinch as he kisses you—slow, purposeful, understanding. Then he positions himself, and you can physically feel his hand brush your cunt as he does so. If he ever asks if you felt him shake, you will deny it. But only for a year or two. 

As soon as you feel him—only him, solely him—you swell with a current of emotion. And it pulls you all the way under when he’s fully sheathed inside. 

“Holy fucking shit.” 

“Yoongi—” 

“Fuck.” 

Simply having him inside, with no barriers or obstacles in between? You’re already close. There’s no early explanation, but you already feel overwhelmed enough to come. 

No no no. You want this to last forever, so you wait for Yoongi to gather himself because he appears to be fighting, too. 

Chuckling, you ask, “You good, baby?” 

And your lover snaps his gaze to your face, bangs sweeping across your cheeks and eyes unblinking. “Yeah, just...” He stares at your inquisitive expression before whooshing out a harsh breath. “Just this is about to make me bust.” 

You burst into laughter before admitting you were just thinking the same thing, and his slow grin makes you want to cry. “We’re not good at this.” 

“No. You’re too good at this. I can’t even move.” 

“Yes, you can,” you whine. “You wreck my shit all the time.” 

Feeling a twitch more prominent than ever, you giggle as Yoongi puffs out pained amusement. “Doll, if you keep talking like that, I’m pulling out.” 

“Okay, okay,” you surrender, loving how out of sorts he seems. He’s fighting for his life and you’re enjoying the hell out of it. 

“You’re a little too perfect right now.”

Maybe one day you will agree with him. But that day is far from reach, your head shaking in quiet disagreement.

“You are.”

“Nowhere close,” you whisper.

His nose brushes against yours. “Say that again and see what happens.”

“Is that what you tell all the others fuck!”

His shove up your cunt makes you see stars. “What did I fuckin’ say?” 

“What—”

Another launch has you careening through space, lip bitten and suppressing a hearty whine. “You think there’s someone else?” Again. “Hmm?” 

Again. 

You’re so dazed and mind-fucked to pieces that your speech is barely audible. But your chin is grabbed as you’re snapped straight, and your eyes try their hardest to focus on slitted ones above. “You’re gonna regret saying that.” 

You just laugh, whine pinging sharp into the ceiling as he shoves forward so hard your whole body shifts upward. “Oh, yeah?” 

Yoongi doesn’t respond with words, thrusting up again and sending you twisting and winding towards the edge unbelievably fast. “Uh huh.” 

“Make me then,” you gasp out. “Make me really sorry.” 

The sound Yoongi makes comes from deep within his stomach, the rumbling hum shooting right into your veins like liquid fire. 

And the full-on attack he bursts into renders you completely speechless. Everything Yoongi does pulls you deliciously in all directions—his thrusts, his chain hitting his chest, his grip on your wrists, the way he snags your chin. Everything. 

“Taking me so well like this.” 

“I—”

“So fucking tight.”

Fuck fuck fuck it’s habitual for you at this point, and you unhinge your jaw a split second before he smacks the side of your face. Desire lowers your lids halfway as you feel empowered, and you don’t even recognize your voice as you order him on the spot. “Do it again.” 

Yoongi doesn’t stop his pace as he keeps his eyes on you. 

“Do it again,” you growl, fully limp and a groaning mess when he does exactly what you want. 

Fuck, the pain feels good. So good that you reach up and choke him out. But the back of your head is grabbed before you feel hungry lips smash into yours. You feel your wrists pinned again by one large palm, air chilling for a moment before a hot mouth captures one of your nipples. “Oh, fuck, Yoongi!” 

“Uh uh.” 

“Please—please—” 

You’re still tensing as he devours your chest below his shirt, strokes now slower but just as powerful. 

Your arms still haven’t been freed, but there’s something about being under his control that has you loving this position. Without question. Maybe it’s the fact that you can see him now, losing himself just as he saw you washes in the throes of passion. 

And he licks, sucks, lolls his tongue all over your tits, whispered praises sinking through your bosom as he keeps a grip on your wrists. 

“Baby,” you gasp. “I’m close, I’m—” 

“Shit.” Air whooshes over you before you feel your arms freed and him yank himself out, and you freeze as he unloads right on your stomach, a sharp cocktail of pride and shock in your gut. 

Holy fuck, Yoongi was that close? Did he hold out as long as he could? Shit, he’s breathing so hard his jewelry shakes as it dangles. 

You’re still so surprised that your arms are still locked into bends, and he glances up at you from his kneeled state. “Fuck,” he laughs, and is that… Is Yoongi shy? “Thought I could hold out.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” you assure through your own tiny chuckle. “Oh my god, I promise.” 

He leans down to plant a heart fluttering kiss on your lips, but you hate how he looks pained on the way down. 

Those hits he took… Now you kinda understand his perspective. Because now you want to avenge him in five hundred thousand ways—almost half as many ways as you want to show him how you feel. 

“Stay there, beautiful,” Yoongi orders as he moves to get off the bed, wincing in passes. “I’m not done with you.” 

Damn. He looks even more exhausted than before. “Baby, are you sure?” 

But Yoongi walks right to his bathroom to retrieve a towel, and your eyes may as well transform into hearts when you watch him come back to you. So handsome, even now. Even when he’s simply holding a washcloth, hair completely mussed, soul sparkling and face bruised. 

As he sits to clean your face before moving to your stomach, you can only observe his eyes. So experienced. Calm. At peace. When they drift to yours, it’s instinct that has you shying away. “What, love.” 

Another reason to crumble inside. “I just… nothing,” you whisper. 

And Yoongi finishes with the cloth before tossing it somewhere. “Tell me,” he says, lying down on the ribs with more damage. “I wanna know.” 

“Come on this side,” you tell him, and he obliges without a word. “It’s a secret.” 

“A secret?” 

“Mmhmm.” 

Yoongi settles before lifting your chin, rubbing an affectionate thumb over any tears still persevering on your cheeks. “I can keep those, you know.” 

Smiling, you fold way too easily. “Okay, I’ll tell.” 

When he leans in, your nervousness and excitement to tell him almost spoils your ability to do so. Like someone gifting a present while wanting to say what it is before it’s even opened. 

“I love you, too,” you whisper, tears sprinting to your ducts as Yoongi freezes. When he looks at you, you can’t help but choke on a sob seeing his eyes get as red as the marks on his cheek. “And you deserve more than I could ever give.” 

His eyes hold the heavens and the seas. 

You’re right. Just saying it isn’t fucking enough.

You’re already liplocked again before you can think, saltwater on your face and you don’t even know whose eyes it came from.

Determined, Yoongi starts kissing a trail from your lips to your jaw, and you start to cry as he makes his own journey down the expanse of you. 

All of you.

Is this what it feels like? Is all of this actually, genuinely real?

You hope so, because you feel devotion in each press of his lips, and every touch will be remembered in its own right. Its own pocket of time.

Every single stop.

It almost feels divine when his mouth reaches your folds, lapping at your essence and swirling around your clit. When you say his name, Yoongi says nothing, instead palming your thighs and eating you out like he has all the time in the world. 

Swelling, you already feel close. 

But the way he gets you to fantasia is so natural that you slide into your quivers seemlessly. The transition into your heaven flows like a stream, and your waves engulf his tongue and coat his mouth without trouble. 

This is what it feels like. What it feels like with Yoongi. 

And you wanna keep making love until only sleep can take you from him.

Your hands jut into his hair, gasping as he keeps his pace, and no matter how you squirm he is dead set on holding you down until holy fuck you’re coming again. 

How? What’s happening to you? This constant stream of release is shocking you to the point of crying out, and Yoongi groans into your orgasm and prolongs it with the whole press of his tongue.

“Holy fuck, baby—!” Another wave overcomes the next, and you outright quake in his hands, eyes rolling and vision blinking white. Muscles lock as you can’t keep up with the pleasure, and you’re mercilessly let go only for lips to descend on yours.

Your tears spill into your ears as you kiss him back, wrapping tired arms over his shoulders and raking in deep. 

“Fuck.” And you feel his cock lodge against your entrance, and you’re amazed how hard he is again. 

Does he want what you want? Is he ready again? 

As Yoongi quietly gets up to get a condom, you’re amazed that he wants to keep going after everything that’s transpired. But, if he feels like you do, he’s ready to keep going until the sun comes up three whole times. 

When he sits next to you, your better half appears shy as he bites the wrapper. “Don’t take this the wrong way.”

“Oh, I already know.”

“K. But god, I fuckin’ want to.”

You bite your lip to hold back your smile, remembering what he said a long time ago and bringing it back full circle for the next thing you both wanna try. “One day.”

Yoongi only grins. 

And for the next hour, your lover, your secret, your home gives you everything he has, and you come for him more times than you ever have in your life.

Every time, he drags your pleasure out, expertly tearing you down with his movements and building your confidence up with his words. He tells you you’re perfect, and he disagrees when you disagree. When you find tears on your face, he kisses those away, too. When you feel along his silver, he simply watches you in silence. 

No sadness, doubt, nor anger to be found. 

After you physically can’t do any more, Yoongi lies at your side, silent as you play with his hair. You do your best to stay still, not wanting to accidentally push into any of his injuries that you’re gonna beg him to get checked in the morning. 

Once he’s healed? That’s when you’ll never let go. Because you want to crush him into you completely. Mold into him, just so he can feel the brevity of your highest affection. 

“I’m sorry for yelling,” you finally whisper. “But I really was so mad at you. All of you.” 

“I know.” 

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

“It won’t happen again.” 

“That’s what you said last time.” 

Yoongi stares, seeming to withhold something from you before he palms your cheek. “They were gonna follow us home if we didn’t, babe,” he reveals, snapping your heart back in two. “We all knew that.” 

“Oh, fuck.” Everything hits you at once: why they stayed, why you and Taehyung had to leave. Why Tae didn’t bring you straight back to the house. And the burns at your eyes match the searing in your gut. “I didn’t… I didn’t think about that.” 

When you start to cry, Yoongi sits up and hangs his head between his sweats. “You don’t need to think about shit like that,” he murmurs, sounding defeated as ever. “But we talked after you told us off. We won’t hide that from you anymore.” 

Sniffling, you whisper out a thank you. But you don’t want Yoongi to feel like he has to distance himself, so you untangle him—slowly, gently–-before bringing him into your chest. 

After dealing with all that and the tempest in his living room, this man still let you in. From the looks of things, there’s a lot that he had been fighting, and you’re more than appreciative that he opened his door. Not knowing how to put these feelings into words, you say the first things that come to mind. And for some reason, they feel heavier on the way out, 

“Thank you for letting me in. It was raining really hard.” 

Yoongi stiffens hard before holding you closer. 

“Babe?”

No response. Just another batch of weighted quiet. 

Worried, you tilt your head. “Hey. Look at me.”

If he stays right where he is, you’ll have to respect that decision. But he ends up pushing himself up, and as soon as you see moonlight catch on a falling tear, all your instincts reach for him, “Oh, fuck, come here.”

You surround him with everything you have, wanting every single bit of warmth birthed from his love to fill his space instead of yours. Whatever he needs, you will give. “It’s okay, baby,” you whisper, holding him so close but not nearly close enough. 

Never close enough.

His face is buried in the crook of your neck, and you will let him live there whenever he needs to. “I’m not mad anymore, okay?” God, you hate how he’s still so silent. You get it, but you hate whatever made him default to this state. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

After light rain fills the room, your soul breaks at a sniffle, and you crush your love even tighter.

“This isn’t about that, doll,” Yoongi finally whispers, burying wet eyes further into your shoulder. “It’s just…”

It’s what? What’s he thinking about? Hopefully it’s not anything—

“It’s so fucking better when you’re here.” 

When you choke out a sob, his body locks, words pouring from nowhere and everywhere. “I sleep better. Eat better. Fuck, I even feel better even if nothing else changes.”

“Yoongi…”

“It’s true.” Sighing, he sniffles again before letting his weight drop onto you in resignation. Or relief. “I mean that.”

“Then… Those three months…”

“One day, I’ll tell you everything,” he offers, making you wonder what the hell he’s been through in the past. And if it has something to do with that guitar he smashed to pieces. “But from now on, you can be here whatever you want.” 

Many things have shifted tonight. As if an earthquake had upturned everything between the both of you, only peace has settled in its wake. A peace you had never felt before. As you brush fingers through his hair, you joke, “So I can come to those parties you host, too?” 

“Those weren’t my idea, by the way. Jimin made me.” Kissing your shoulder, Yoongi continues to admit, “He was worried. And hoping you would show.”

Oh. That’s news to you. 

“I knew you wouldn’t. But.” He exhales before nestling in further. “I did hope to see you, too.” 

“It’s okay.” You rub the back of his neck, your fingers feeling nothing but warmth and the softness of his clothes. “It would’ve been too obvious.”

“What would’ve.”

“That I wanted you all to myself.”

“You already have that.”

When you stiffen, your words are tiny. “You know what I mean.”

Yoongi laughs soft, taking one of your hands in his and bringing it up for a kiss as you blurt, “My brother was the one that invited me. To come to those, I mean.”

The way he blinks is comical. “Huh.”

“I know.” It’s your turn to bring his hand close, kissing along his knuckles before you stare out the window behind him. “It makes me wonder if he knows.”

“What if he does?”

You snap your eyes right to his. “Does he?”

Yoongi watches your lips linger on his fingers before he tells the truth, “No.”

“Okay. But you’re sure I can stay?” 

“Who do you think you bought those groceries for?” 

Oh. Wait. “What?” 

Grinning so sly, Yoongi reveals the plan he had all along, “I get you for a week, right?”

Oh. Holy shit. You cannot quite possibly deal with what this man is saying. That whole time you were shopping for his list… No wonder he was already done with dinner when you got there oh you’re gonna get him back for that. 

Light bursts from your center as you grit out through a grin, “You sneaky little—” Pulling his tilted mouth in for another kiss, your heart pulses little pink stars as he leans in with a laugh, and you meet lips again and again until he slowly, reluctantly stops. 

“One day,” he murmurs out of nowhere, and you flick your eyes to his. “I’ll be better.”

Of course he will. You have no doubts. But, just like he always does for you, you’re gonna start offering the same reassurance out loud, even if he knows it’s there. 

And you can’t contain your little laughs at your own joke, despite him just staring into your face right after you crack it, “Don’t make it just one day, silly.” 

Even if you’re very serious, it’s in your nature to lighten things up. Especially after hearing such wonderful news for what’s coming. Clutching a little bit of his shirt, you whisper with complete devotion, 

“We’ll make it as many as we can.”

You hate how you feel him freeze, knowing what that means, what plaguing little thoughts are embedded in that tiny shift. 

Yoongi’s still hesitant to accept.

Because you are, too. In many ways. But this man has been picking you up and making you stronger day after day—in both his presence and absence—that you can’t help but fight to do the same. 

Does he ever think about you? Does he know that you’ll always be with him? No matter how close or far apart you are? You hope so. Because it’s so true that your heart is searing that promise into your soul, branding it as a reminder to reciprocate all this genuine love you’ve never been given before.

He loves you?

You still can’t accept that as fact.

…Maybe one day.

You chuckle to yourself, deciding to keep talking because Yoongi is still so very quiet. “At least. Until the day I get to meet my cat,” you huff in triumph. “Then I’m running away with her.”

It’s a perfect strike of a match. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You pretend to pout. “But I’m starting to think she ran away already and you won’t fess up.”

Yoongi laughs so suddenly you flinch. After a playful scoff, he tries to make you feel better, “She’s still here!”

“Lies.”

“How much are you betting, doll.”

“How much are you willing to lose, babe.”

“This much,” he finally says, pinching your sides and hissing laughter when you scream. “Maybe I’ll make you leave after all if you’re gonna be a problem.” 

“You did threaten to kick me out before.” 

“Huh? When?”

“That day I showed up,” you remind him through a chuckle. Thrown back to that first night, you start to see all the parallels between then and now. And how vastly different things have become. “Said you were gonna kick me out for hustling you.” 

The glorious laughter from the depths of his belly makes you grin, and you cringe when his brows pinch in both laughter and pain. “I should’ve!” 

He needs to get those hits healed. “You really should’ve.” 

“Played me from the very start. You happy with yourself?” When you nod, Yoongi shakes his head. “Course you are.” 

“You love it.” 

“I do.” Your eyes meet, which proves dangerous for you because he bites his smirk before pulling you in for a kiss. “Thought I was gonna say it, huh.” 

“No!” You lie. Because no, you certainly were not! “…Maybe.” 

“Guess what.” 

Suddenly paranoid, you give him a look, already expecting to be tricked again. 

But Yoongi captures your lips without warning, curling your toes into sheets you’re now achingly familiar with. After a few passes, he shifts above, planting a hand at your side and letting his chain slide against your chest as he slots a leg in between yours. 

Yet again, you think about that first night, that first time. The first of apparently, surprisingly, wonderfully unexpectedly many. 

Who would’ve thought rain and a broken ego would bloom into something good? Who would’ve believed a person so close to your roots would be your home? 

As he lets up with one last slow stroke of his tongue, you whisper, “What were you gonna say?” 

At this, Yoongi spreads closed lips, taking his time planting a peck on your nose. “I just fucking love you, doll.” 

Oh. He’s a menace and the most annoying tease on the planet. 

When you can’t do anything but flee into his chest, Yoongi immediately laughs, forcing you back out of your little shell. “You can’t hide now, babe.” 

“I can!” 

Leaned forward in your struggle, you give him no choice but to swoop his head into your neck. Which backfires on you immensely because he decides it’s the perfect time to rasp deep against your ear, “I love fucking you, too.” 

His name flies out of your mouth in disbelief and embarrassment, and his heightened amusement puffs into the burning column below your chin. 

This is the moment something comes over you. Slams into you. Washes you in present nostalgia like lingering footsteps on a balcony. 

And it hurts. It really, really hurts. 

Instead of laughing along, you come down from your high, squeezing him like the pillow that couldn’t replicate his warmth for months. “I miss you.”

After a second, Yoongi questions, “How? I’m right here.”

You know that. You do. But with every hello there’s a goodbye, and you don’t want that this time. Especially now that your heart knows that his beats the same. 

Breathy and shaken, you rest your head in his chest, hoping he doesn’t hear but does at the same time, “I still miss you.”

Strong fingers weakly press into your sides, and while you can’t see him, you know for a fact that his smile is gone. Because he also knows goodbye is coming again, and you can’t stay here forever as long as this is all a secret. 

You feel a sigh wisp over your head before words that make no fucking sense follow it out, “I can’t do shit like this anymore.” 

…What?

No. No no no he can’t be done just like that you both just confessed everything you need to fight say something anything anything—

“I wanna do this the right way.” 

Oh. 

Yoongi’s chest… It’s shaking. 

Pushing yourself up, you search his eyes for answers. “What are you saying?” 

When he looks at you, there’s a fire in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Or maybe it has been there all along, and he only needed a spark to set it ablaze. “I’m saying I’ll tell him, doll. Just me.” 

Oh. Oh, shit. Didn’t he say not yet? Didn’t he say he needs more time? He said he’d figure it out what is with the sudden…

Your tears are automatic as Yoongi roams his gaze from one eye to the other, and he’s swallowing before taking a step. A step you didn’t think he’d make. One you didn’t have the courage to take yourself. 

When he utters the words, your soul lets rain fall just as the storm resides.

And right as moonlight shines through his blinds.

“I’ll tell him everything.” 

-

-

tbc. :)

-

so... how did it go! | join the server!

a/n: so. here we are, over two years and 250k+ words later. thank you for sticking with me if you're still here, and thank you for being the most amazing readers a writer could ever, ever ask for. if you can interact or let me know what you enjoyed/like, i would be eternally grateful. these two parts took all of me, and i'm gonna take a break for a little bit before starting on the next part. a/n 2: thank you for also being here despite the highs and lows! things have really weighed on me for awhile, which prevented me from working on this part forreal. but my mental feels a lot lighter now, and i am ready to keep running with y'all. so thank you for your support and encouragement, no matter how you show it! ++ feedback box: ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as you’d like! ⇥ here! ++ more links: ⇥ masterlist  ⇥ three tangerines masterlist

[ampersand-antics]

Hello again folks, welcome to part... 4? Part whatever-this-is of me rambling about my adventures in totk. Since my last update I've done quite a few new things. Spoilers for late(r) game adventures down below!!! !!!!TOTK STORY AND GAMEPLAY SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!!!

So I should have completed the Goron questline by now. Butttt I haven't. I just. Don't like the fire temple. I really like the ideas that I've seen so far, and the way they make use of the minecarts, plus adding Yunobo onto there to serve as a missile launcher. But it's dark and ominous and hot, three things I don't really like lmao. Plus I kept getting all confused. I got one of the locks and then just put down the travel medallion to keep my progress and left. I have the full Sheikah set now!!! I'm currently trying to upgrade it all to lvl2 to get the night speed up boost. The way I play totk, I'm mostly out at night sneaking around, so it'll be helpful. I'm also planning to go grab Sheik's Mask soon. I have the Sheik amiibo so I did a little time-travel-fuckery last night trying to get it. Imagine my surprise when I got paraglider fabric instead!! I looked it up to make sure the mask was still there (because, you might not know this, but I am a huge fan of Sheik) and I got a glimpse of where it is before I closed out. I'm probably just gonna follow a walkthrough to get it honestly because I want it Soon. I've sworn to myself not to follow any walkthroughs for totk but I think this time I"ll allow it. I also got the full Yiga set!!! It was so fun being able to go into the hideout and see them as people you can talk to and not just as nameless faceless enemies. I mean... they are still just nameless faceless enemies... but now they're nameless faceless enemies with a little bit of pizzazz. Also the earthwake technique?? AMAZING. Now I haven't used it in combat yet (bc I'm bad at remembering to use special skills in combat, sue me) but I love the way it was implemented into the game. I love the fact that it was implemented into the game in the first place!!!! AMAZINGGGG. Also I was Not expecting to get an off-brand Thunder Helm there what the fuck that's so col. The Yiga get so much more development in this game and they're even slightly more capable. Not by much tho.

I also have a newfound love for Lookout Landing. It's the first settlement of the game (if you follow the story path) and over time in the game it populates with members of other races??? As we all team up for one united stand against the newest apocalypse??? Amazing I love it. I loved seeing Bularia and Muzu and Harth there, but the most emotional I got was when I talked to this random Gerudo guard at the gate, who said something along the lines of "You helped us save our home, now it's our turn to help you save yours. You just focus on your goals and know we've got your back." From a story sense that is just so fuckin sweet, since Link has been forced to do everything all on his own carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Except now he has help. (also pls I want that for me ;-;) And the music in the Lookout Landing just. it vibes. I don't really know why it hits me so hard but it does. There haven't really been many songs in the totk soundtrack that stood out to me yet (though I think once I start studying the ludomusicology of all this, that'll change, just like with botw). But I really love the Lookout Landing music. It's so hopeful compared to everywhere else. One thing I wish they'd done was make it so little elements of the different culture's soundtracks got implemented into it when they came to the landing, like it did in Tarrey Town. Maybe it does do that and I just didn't notice but I definitely noticed in Tarrey Town so.... Speaking of! Another place with music I liked! I finally made my way into Hyrule Castle proper. Like, the one in the skies. I don't know why I always thought it was so off-limits, this is a sequel to Breath of the Wild of all things, I shoulda known I could go up there. But anyways. The music there? Oh. My. God. I didn't think there was a version of Hyrule Castle theme that could freak me out and make me on-edge more than the BotW Hyrule Castle did. Boy was I wrong. It's so creepyyyy. I still like BotW's Hyrule Castle more (I miss Zelda's Lullaby ;-;) but this is definitely more fitting to the themes of this game (creepy floating ruin) and botw's is more fitting to it (ruins of a great majestic power that's now a shadow of its former self)

uhhh yeah i think that's all i have to say for rn. tune in for part 5 in a bit!

[mackenzielovee]

ambivalence epilogue: falling - rafe cameron

a/n: omg wish i could tell you how nervous i am about this shit lmao i really hope you guys like this , pls leave me a comment as always and let me know what you think! sorry its so long oops

Summary: Rafe Cameron gets everything he's ever wanted in twenty short minutes.

Warnings: swearing, underage drinking, mentions of blood, mentions of a car accident, many poorly researched little things that i won't put here bc spoilers

Word Count: 9.3k

series masterlist

my writing

"Rafe?"

You yell out for him the second you enter the foyer of Tannyhill, shopping bags in one hand and keys in the other. He'd given you a key months ago, under the pretense of watering the plants in the kitchen during the days that everyone is at work. Rose had raised an eyebrow at him and Ward had rolled his eyes, but they didn't protest. They love you too much.

"Y/N?"

Rose steps out of the kitchen and into the hall, smiling when she sees you.

"Hey, Rose," you smile, walking toward her.

"Hey, girl. Come on in. He's out back, he said he'll be in soon."

You follow her into the kitchen and set your shopping bags down on the counter, placing your hands on your hips and giving her a look.

"His project, again?" you question.

"Oh, yeah. Ward and I have been officially banned from the entire backyard."

You laugh, "At least you know what he's doing. He won't tell me."

Rose smirks, then raises her hand to her mouth and acts like she's locking it up. You take a deep breath and shake your head, failing miserably at persuading intel from her.

"Sorry, honey. Swore me to secrecy," she smiles sadly.

"It's okay, I get it," you sigh.

She chuckles at your dramatics, then steps to the fridge and pulls out a drink for you and one for herself. After ten months of being with Rafe, you still can't get over how he keeps the fridge stocked with your favorite things, even though you've told him a million times that it's unnecessary.

"So, what's in the bags?" she asks.

"Midsummers prep," you take a deep breath, reaching for one of the bags, "I picked up the necklace Mom ordered for me, and I had to get Scott a tie bar. Oh, and look at what I got for Rafe."

You reach into the bag and pull out a box, handing it to Rose. Her eyes widen when she opens it, glancing up at you with a sappy expression.

"Y/N, these are beautiful. Does he know that you got these made for him?"

You shake your head, "It's a surprise. He hates the cufflinks he has now."

"He's going to love them," she gushes, "You should see the way he's freaking out over his tie. It hasn't arrived yet, and I think he's about to go into cardiac arrest."

"It's over a week away," you laugh.

"Try telling him that."

You grin, reaching down and opening your drink as you both hear the back door open. Rose snaps the box shut and discreetly slides it across the island, watching you place a bag over it without drawing attention.

"Hey, sweetheart," he greets.

You take in his attire; old shirt and athletic shorts, paint splattered about everywhere on him. His forehead holds a bit of sweat, enough that his hair sticks to it. You smile nonetheless, watching him walk across the kitchen and to you.

"Hey," you smile.

He leans down and gives you a kiss, then looks over at the multitude of bags on the counter. His arm snakes its way around your waist, pulling you into him.

"Did you buy out every store? I thought you were just picking up a few things," he questions you, grabbing once and glancing inside of it.

"This is a few things," you shrug, "And, anyway, it's not all for me."

"Oh, right," he snorts, "Scott's tie bar is in here, too. The rest is yours."

"Okay," you raise your eyebrows at him, "Are you going to be sassy, or can I give you your present?"

Rafe's lips curve up into a smile as he looks down at you, licking his lips to try and hide it. Rose snickers across the island, unable to contain her excitement about it.

"You got me something?" he asks.

"Yes, I did," you tell him, then turn in his arms to get the box.

"Did you know about this?" he asks Rose, who immediately shakes her head.

"All Y/N," she says, then, because she can't help it, adds, "You're going to love it."

"I don't doubt that," he replies.

You smile and turn back to him, holding out the box in your hands. He looks down at it and furrows his eyebrows, then moves his glance back up to you as he takes it.

"Not wrapped. Sorry," you mumble, but he shakes his head, as if that couldn't matter less to him.

He removes his other hand from around you and guides it over the top of the box, giving you one final look before he pulls it open. He swallows when he sees them, and when his mouth falls open, you lick your lips nervously.

For months, you'd been trying to think of something to get him for Midsummers. You wanted it to be perfect, but he's such a hard person to get presents for because he always refuses to tell you anything he wants or needs. When he briefly mentioned how ugly he thought his cufflinks are, you'd made up your mind then and there.

You'd customized them for him, getting his initial put into them. The color had been a decision you agonized over, finally settling on silver because you knew it would match your Midsummers coordination, and most, if not everything, he uses them for in the future.

"Baby," his voice is barely audible, still staring down at them.

You wait for a moment for him to say something else, and when he doesn't, you glance at Rose. She smiling, watching Rafe admire them.

"Do you like them? I wasn't sure about gold or silver. White was an option, too, but I didn't really like them, but if you'd rather do the gold-"

"No. I like these," he stops you, finally dragging his eyes up to yours, "I love these. I can't believe you had these made for me, baby, they're perfect."

"I'm glad you like them," you smile triumphantly, blissful feeling settling in your stomach when he returns his hand around your waist.

"Ah!" Rose exclaims, clapping her hands together, "You two are going to look so cute at Midsummers."

"If my tie ever comes in," Rafe grumbles, eyes flickering down to your lips.

Rose clears her throat, "I'm actually going to go check on the shipping status. I'll let you know what I find out."

She chuckles as she picks up her drink and starts out of the kitchen, both of you too wrapped up in the other to fully process what she'd said in time.

"Thanks, Rose," Rafe halfheartedly calls after her, glancing down once again at his gift.

"I think she was just trying to escape us," you tease him, grinning uncontrollably when he pulls you closer.

"Oh, she definitely was," he nods, "I have the tracking information."

You laugh, the moment only becoming more perfect when he presses his lips to yours, setting the cufflink box down on the counter and placing his other hand on your hip.

"Thank you for the present," he whispers against your lips.

"You're welcome."

"I didn't even get you anything, sweetheart," he pouts, "Still have a week, I suppose."

"You could just tell me what your project is, instead," you say, watching him smirk and shake his head.

"All in due time," he replies, devilish grin on his face, "What do you wanna do for dinner?"

You consider his question for a moment, response being interrupted by the back door being pulled open roughly.

"Hey, Rafe, what color did you want the-"

"I'll be out in a minute," Rafe holds up his hand, stopping the man from speaking.

"Shit, sorry. Hi, I'm Alex, nice to meet you," Alex holds up a hand to you, "Hear a lot about you."

"Y/N, nice to meet you, too," you smile.

"I'll be right there," Rafe repeats himself, urging Alex to leave with his eyes.

When the door closes, you look up at Rafe, raising an eyebrow and watching how his face falls at the thought of explaining without spoiling anything.

"So, this isn't an independent project?" you ask.

"No, it is."

"Oh, okay," you nod, running a hand up his chest, "It's just, Alex."

"He's one of the contractors I work with. He's just...helping me out with some things."

"Helping you out with some things," you repeat, "But, these things are secret, no?"

"Let's play twenty questions later," he sighs, pecking your forehead.

He pulls himself off of you and steps toward the back door, ready to help Alex with whatever was so important. You roll your eyes playfully at him, which just makes him shake his head.

"Think about what you want to eat. I'll be in in a bit."

You nod your head in agreement, then turn back to your bags. You smile when you see the cufflink box, still open, on the counter. You'd fretted and worried for nothing. You should've known, anything you get for Rafe, he'd love it. Simply because it was from you.

Rafe's tie arrives two days before Midsummers. You'd thought for sure that you'd have to go out and buy him one, or just have him wear something he already has, which had made him grumpy. Seeing that tie arrive had made you almost as happy as Rafe.

The morning of Midsummers, Rafe has to sneak out quietly to go home and get ready. He'd spent the night at your house, arriving late after claiming he'd been working on his project. You'd told him it was silly to drive over at almost midnight, but he'd rolled his eyes and reminded you that he can't seem to sleep well without you.

Your mother had reminded you five times that you all have to meet the Cameron's at the Club early for pictures. You get ready quickly, navy blue, strapless dress hugging your body perfectly. Scott helps you to the car with your heels, then helps you out of the car once you arrive.

You spot Rafe, leaning up against a pillar outside the Club and watching as Scott help you from the car. He grins when he sees you all dressed up, hair high on your head in a ponytail. His tie, the one that had stressed him out so bad, matches flawlessly. A breath of relief leaves him.

"Sweetheart," he greets you, holding his arm out for you to grab onto, your heels disagreeing with the gravel of the parking lot, "You look so good. So beautiful."

"Thank you," you smile, "You look great, too, Rafe. Your tie is perfect."

You reach up and adjust it against his neck, loosening it just a bit because you can tell he made it too tight worrying about it being perfect. He exhales gratefully, nodding to tell you that's exactly what he needed.

"Guess what?" he says.

"What?"

"Finished my project this afternoon."

"You did?" you grin, "I want to see it! Can you tell me what it is, now?"

"No," he shakes his head, biting back a smile, "You'll see tonight. Take you home after this silly thing and show you."

You nod quickly, "I can't wait."

"Mad I couldn't pick you up," he grunts. His eyes settle on Rose, who's pulling out her camera and urging Scott and Wheezie into a photo together.

"It's ten minutes, baby. Wouldn't have made a difference," you shrug absentmindedly.

"Yes, it would've," he insists, "Ten minutes I could've been kissing you. Now, I'm all wound up and annoyed that your dad is right there."

You smile, feeling your cheeks heat at his words. When you look up at him again, it's different this time. The look he's giving you, the admiration overflowing in his eyes, makes your heart stop in your chest for a moment.

"Do you think they'd notice if we-"

"Y/N has to use the restroom We'll be right back," Rafe calls.

Scott furrows his eyebrows, "Hey, man, I think she knows where it is-"

"She doesn't," Rafe grunts in response, then under his breath, "Idiot."

"Hey," you warn, laughing immediately after.

He turns around, leading you inside before anyone else can protest, "I'm going to kick your brother's ass, I swear."

"Maybe he deserves it," you shrug.

Rafe snickers, walking slowly and carefully so you don't feel rushed. He holds the door open and guides you inside, gesturing toward the hallway with the bathrooms. The Club is buzzing with people, too many people, and he knows he won't be able to kick everyone out of the restrooms.

"Let's go to the locker room," he says, and you just nod in agreement.

Once you enter, you can hear a few men on the other side of the room talking to each other and most likely using the restroom there. Rafe leads you over to a quieter spot, setting you up against the wall.

"Hi," he whispers, eyes zeroing in on your lips.

"Hey," you reply.

He grins, only for a moment, before his lips touch yours. His actions turn hungry, as if he's trying to squeeze as much as possible into the few minutes you two have. You reach up and grab ahold of his cheeks as he kisses you, moaning in your mouth as his hands roam, feeling what he's felt a million time but still being driven crazy by it.

"My beautiful girl," he whispers, initiating another kiss immediately following his remark.

You tangle your fingers in his hair, but stop yourself when you realize you can't mess it up. You move one hand down to the nape of his neck instead, using it to support you while he weakens your knees with his needy kiss.

"Can't believe you're here with me," he mumbles, lazily kissing you once more, "After all these years, baby. Finally get to kiss you at this stupid fucking thing."

"Rafe," you gasp, feeling him kiss the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, then down your neck. His neck kisses have always been your weakness.

"I know," he says, but doesn't slow down at all, "I'm trying. Just hard to control myself with you."

You laugh and nod, giving him a minute to regain himself. He does so, even if he doesn't want to, and eventually leans back.

"Beautiful," he whispers, "Even if you have no lipstick anymore."

You chuckle, and he does the same. You reach up and use your thumb to wipe remnants of lipstick from the corner of his mouth, hoping nobody will notice the lack of it on yours.

"I didn't expect it to last long, anyway," you inform him.

He grins, "Damn right. C'mon."

Your families are entering the Club just as the two of you emerge, and Rose immediately starts making a plan for how she'll get pictures of the two of you. Rafe just nods absently in agreement with whatever she's saying, trying to figure out the best way for the two of you to break free politely and go get a drink.

"Hey," Scott mutters to you, earning your attention.

"What?" you ask.

He smirks, "Didn't you have lipstick on when we arrived?"

You roll your eyes, punching him in the chest. Rafe's eyes widen, trying to figure out what Scott had said to you. Instead, Scott leans in and nods at Rafe.

"That's a good color on you, Cam," he teases.

"Shut up, Scott," you groan.

"Aren't you still single?" Rafe retorts.

"Oh, yeah," Scott nods, and you already know what he's going to say next won't be funny, "But, I've had a crush on this girl for a while. It hasn't been thirteen years, though. Guess I can't do anything about it."

Rafe rolls his eyes, "Can I please kick his ass?"

"Go for it," you shrug.

"Oh, come on, Cameron," Scott chuckles.

Rafe drops your hand and acts as if he's going in for a punch, letting the wrestling begin.

"Boys!" Rose hollers immediately, "We're in public. Please."

"Sorry, Rose," Scott mumbles, shoving Rafe off of him.

Rafe reaches up to adjust his tie, then runs a quick hand through his hair. They both chuckle when their eyes meet again, which makes you smile, too.

Sarah sees one of her friends and breaks off from the group, and soon, Scott does, too. Rafe tugs on your arm, inching you away from the adults. You nod your head at Wheezie, trying to get her to follow.

"I'm waiting on someone," she whispers.

You nod, then blow her a kiss and break away with Rafe. He leads you outside to the bar, quickly placing an order for both of you.

"I do want a picture of us," you tell him, "We'll meet up with Rose later."

"Of course, baby," he agrees.

His thumb runs up and down the top of your hand, and with the way his gaze is focused on the deck and the bar, you wonder if he even knows he's doing that. You smile at the motion, the sweet, tender motion.

"There she is!"

Suddenly, you're lifted off the ground. If it weren't for Topper's distinct cologne, you'd be more concerned for your physical safety.

"Put my girlfriend down, Top," Rafe grumbles.

"It's so easy to make you jealous, Cameron," Topper snickers.

He sets you down with a smirk, watching your boyfriend roll his eyes. Kelce steps forward and wraps his arm around your shoulders, looking down at you playfully.

"It is, in fact," Kelce agrees.

"Back off," Rafe shoves Kelce's shoulder, shaking his head.

"No," Kelce replies, "She's hot. Need her to make me look good."

"Guys, stop," you laugh, shaking your head, "He doesn't deserve the teasing."

Rafe nods appreciatively, instantly feeling better when you reach for his hand and pull yourself into him, off of Kelce's arm. He wraps both arms around you, swallowing up in his scent and his touch.

"Yes, he does, Y/N," Topper mutters.

"You're no fun anymore, girl," Kelce moves on to teasing you, "I'm about to go to college, we could just-"

"Shut up, Kelce," Rafe grumbles, kissing your forehead.

The bartender sets your drinks down in front of Rafe, who taps your shoulder twice to tell you to stand up straight so you can have your drink.

"Nah, actually, your dad was looking for you, Rafe," Topper says, shoving his hands into his pockets, "No bullshit," he adds when Rafe raises an eyebrow.

"Might be a work thing," Rafe mutters, more to himself than you guys.

"Go," you encourage, picking up your drink and removing your hand from his.

"Come with me."

"No, I'm okay. The boys will keep me company," you promise, giving him a smile.

"Oh, yeah, we will," Kelce nods, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Rafe when you turn away.

"That's what I'm afraid of, baby," he grunts, then looks to the boys, "Hands off. Both of you."

Topper raises his hand in defense, while Kelce opts to stay completely silent.

"I'll be fine. Go," you say.

"Twenty minutes. Save me a dance," he whispers, then picks up his drink and presses one last kiss to your cheek.

"You know I will."

He struts off to find his dad, hurrying through the crowd to try and make this as fast as possible. Topper and Kelce waste no time honing in on you, ordering drinks themselves and teasing you about how you and Rafe can't seem to be separated for long.

After Rafe has been gone thirty minutes, Kelce watches your eyes frantically search around for him. You hadn't mentioned it at all, but he knew you were starting to get worked up.

"Will you dance with me, Y/N?" Kelce asks. Something in his voice and his expression is different; he's not fucking around right now.

"I'd love to," you smile, choking down your worries and taking Kelce's hand.

He leads you off the deck and down to the gathering of people. From there, you have a better view of the entire deck, and spot Rafe beside Ward, chatting and laughing with some other men. It's business, you know it is. He even has a full glass; his second drink, you're sure.

As if he can feel your gaze, his eyes flash up and meets yours. His face falls, only for a moment, when he sees you preparing to dance with Kelce.

I'm sorry, he mouths.

You shake your head, giving him a timid smile, I love you.

I love you, he mouths back, then presses his glass to his lips to hide his smile.

"You okay?" Kelce asks.

"Yes," you nod, meaning it. He places one hand on your hip, the other holding yours.

Dancing with Kelce is easy, and you do have fun. He makes it fun. He spins you around often, watching you laugh. He tightens his grip around you under the pretense of luring your boyfriend over, even though you want Rafe to do what he needs to.

After a while, you tell him you need another drink. He nods and leads you back up to the deck, back up to Topper.

"Don't you two look like a cute couple," he teases.

You roll your eyes, "Stop."

You wait another hour before you feel those hands snake their way around your waist. You grin, wider than you ever thought possible, and spin around to face him.

"Finally," you whisper, pressing your lips to his before he can even speak.

He pulls away after a moment, "I'm so sorry, baby."

Your face falls at his expression. He's not here to stay. He's not here to dance. You nod, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay," you smile.

"No, it's not," he shakes his head, "I just - I have to-"

"Rafe," you set your hands on his chest, "Baby. It's okay. Do what you need to do."

"God," he groans, throwing his head back, "You are - I'm so in love with you. Thank you, sweetheart."

You lean in and give him another kiss, "Don't thank me. You work your ass off."

"Yeah," he agrees, "Still."

He signals to the bartender to get him another, then moves his gaze back to you. He takes in every little detail, scanning up and down your entire body.

"Later," you whisper, as if you know exactly what he's thinking.

"Later," he agrees, "I gotta get back. I'm sorry."

"Stop," you demand, "Knock 'em dead."

He kisses you one last time, then swipes his drink and rushes off again. You sigh as you watch him go, knowing it's what he needs to do but wishing he was with you instead.

After another hour, Kelce seems to be pretty far gone. Topper, the driver, had only had two drinks. You'd followed his lead and done the same, not wanting to get so drunk that Rafe has to take care of you on top of his work. The last thing you want to do is potentially ruin something for him.

"I think we're gonna head out," Topper tells you, "Gotta get some coffee in Kelce. Do you wanna come? Buy you pancakes."

The offer sounds enticing. When you turn, you spy Rafe once more, having just refilled his glass and is now settling back into his seat. A new drink means this isn't close to being over.

"Sure," you agree, "Chocolate chip."

Topper grins, "All right. I'll collect Kelce and you tell Rafe. Meet me out front in ten?"

"Okay," you agree. You down the rest of your drink, which is now mostly water, and then hurry off in Rafe's direction.

He clocks you when you're about five feet away, clearing his throat and leaning forward to set his glass down.

"Excuse me," he says quietly, standing.

He meets you halfway, warm and greeting smile on his lips. No sign that you'd done wrong by interrupting.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes. Are you?"

"I'm fine. Just miss you, you know," he grabs your hand.

"Me, too," you nod, "So, listen. Top is taking Kelce to sober up and I think I'm gonna go with them. Is that okay? I'll have him drop me at your house after."

"Is that what you want to do?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"Okay, baby. Of course. Have fun. I should be done here in about an hour," he guesses, glancing back at the men.

Ward waves to you overhead, and you smile back.

"See you soon," you promise with a squeeze of his hand.

"Be careful," he lectures.

"I will."

He releases your hand and starts to step back, eyes not leaving you once, "I love you."

"I love you, too," you smile.

He gives you a smile back, then takes his seat. You hurry outside, finding Topper trying to persuade Kelce to get in the car.

"Thank God," Topper sighs when he sees you, "Help."

You chuckle, "Kelce?"

"Y/N!" he cheers, "Hi, beautiful. Still dating Rafe?"

"Yes," you laugh, "Will you sit in the backseat with me?"

"No," he shakes his head, "Not if you have a boyfriend."

"Kelce," you sigh.

"Fine, if you're gonna beg," he agrees, diving into the backseat without a second thought.

You shake your head at Topper, then scoot Kelce over so you can climb into the car with him. Topper closes the door and then rounds the vehicle to the drivers side, hopping in and starting it up.

"Can't believe your boy ditched you tonight, Y/N," Kelce slurs, "How could any man keep himself away from you?"

"You manage to do it just fine," you tease him.

"Ha ha," Kelce grunts.

"Hey, man. Might wanna cool it with the flirting. Nobody else in this car is drunk," Topper warns him as he exits the Club.

"Y/N used to flirt with me all the time 'fore she started dating that tool."

"That tool?" you question, letting out a laugh.

"He's a fuckin' piece of work. Talking about you and shit. Like, Christ, man, we all have a crush on her. Shut up."

You laugh again, patting Kelce on the chest.

You intend to let the conversation die there, but Kelce does not.

"No, his feeling were always different. Like, I just wanted to fuck you. No offense. But, Rafe, he wanted to know your favorite movie and shit like that. You deserve him, Y/N."

You bite your lip at Kelce's omission, his words swimming around in your head. Although you'd known by now that Rafe's love for you had always, always been more than just sex, it felt weird to hear his best friend say it.

"No, I don't," you say quietly, "I don't deserve him."

"Yes, you do, Y/N," Topper speaks up, stopping at the red light ahead.

"You're good for him," Kelce says.

"Thanks, boys. I sure am crazy about him."

"Ugh," Kelce groans, "Wish you weren't."

You and Topper both laugh at that, and you register when the light goes green. There's hardly anyone on the road, and yet, nobody sees the headlights coming at the Jeep until it's too late for Topper to swerve.

Rafe Cameron had denied doing track when asked to be on the team in high school. He'd claimed it was a waste, because when would he ever need to sprint? Or, run in general?

If his head had been clear, he's sure he would've thought of this as he sprints from the parking lot to the doors of the Emergency Room, panting wildly as he tugs at his tie. Once he enters, he doesn't stop. Doesn't even slow down. He almost knocks into several people, but doesn't have time to apologize.

He swears as he nears the doors, he can feel her. He knows where she is simply by the built in radar engraved in his brain. Flustered, he freezes when he reaches a lengthy hallway, feeling her presence but not knowing which exact room. He swallows, his throat completely dry, and runs a hand through his hair as he steps to the nurse's station.

She asks for the name of the patient. His voice doesn't sound like his own when he says her name, unable to believe he's standing here, in a tux, with a tie that matches a dress he'd let his girlfriend leave in.

How could he have let her leave without him? He should've told his dad he's taking the night off. He never should've left her alone.

The nurse gives Rafe a room number, and he takes off once again. When he rounds another corner, his steps falter when he looks up and finds Topper standing in the hall. His jacket is off and there's blood on his white dress shirt.

Blood.

"Rafe, man, I'm so sorry. The car came out of nowhere, the light was green-"

Rafe just shakes his head, all of his hope drowning in a sea of worry now that he's seen blood. He grabs onto Topper's shoulders, his stare intense.

"Are you okay, Top?" he asks weakly.

Topper nods, "I'm fine. I'm sorry, Rafe. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Okay," Rafe nods, choking down a sob, "All right. Relax. Where is she?"

"She's okay, she's down the hall, the last door on the right-"

Rafe doesn't let him finish, he just pats him on the shoulder and takes off again. His eyes need to be on you right this moment or he might go into cardiac arrest.

Topper stays behind, watching Rafe start up running again. His eyes settle on the doorway of the room Topper had instructed, and he doesn't look away from it for fear it might disappear somehow. He doesn't even notice the tears he'd shed until one gathers on his jaw, and he aggressively wipes it before he enters the room.

You feel him when he enters. Your back is to the door, and yet, the hair on your neck stands up. You turn just as he rushes over to the side of the bed your legs dangle from, taking your face in his hands immediately.

"Rafe, I'm-"

"Don't," he says, tears streaming from his eyes. If he notices, he doesn't wipe them, "I just need a minute to look at you, please. Don't say anything."

You nod against his hands, your own tears welling at the sight of him. His tie is almost completely undone, the knot hanging low around his neck. His hair is far from perfect, far from how you left it.

"My baby," he whispers, "My girl. God, you scared the shit out of me. You're beautiful. Tell me you're okay."

You swallow, letting a tear slip from your eye. He wipes it before it can get past your nose.

"I'm okay," you tell him, "It was an accident. I'm fine, not hurt."

He looks around your body for injuries despite your words. He checks your arms, your torso, your legs, then finally nods in satisfaction.

"Why are you in here?" he questions.

"I hit my head. They did some test on me, y'know, the one with that big machine?"

Rafe nods, although he's not sure which test you're talking about.

"Anyway, the doctor wants me to wait here for the results."

Rafe nods again. His tears are stopping, but his breathing has grown more uneven. He's starting to leave shock and enter into panic.

"Rafe," you say, pressing your hand over his heart. It's beating insanely fast, "Baby, c'mere. I'm okay. Come here."

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into you, caressing through the hair on the back of his head and squeezing him tight. He lets out a sob, pulling you impossibly closer.

"I'm okay," you tell him again.

"Baby," he says, repeating the word when he realizes he gets to. That he doesn't have to stop.

"Mhm. Right here. Not going anywhere."

"Promise me," he whispers, tears wetting your shoulder.

He nuzzles his face into your neck, inhaling your scent and pressing kisses anywhere he can.

"I promise you, Rafe," you say.

He relaxes after a few minutes, after your touch and smell overwhelm him and he feels intoxicated off of you. He pulls back and looks at your face, using his hands to angle your head just where he wants it. He kisses you so passionately that you swear you'd jump on him, had you been anywhere but here.

"Baby girl," he says when he pulls away, "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," you nod.

"Can I get you anything? Hungry? Thirsty?"

"No," you shake your head, "Can you check on Kelce? He was bleeding."

"I will," he promises, but makes no attempt to leave. He just wraps himself around you once more.

You two stay like that for a while, neither of you wanting to move. You scratch his back while he holds you, doing your best to relax him. You know he'd been losing his mind.

The doctor enters the room after a bit, and you two reluctantly break apart. You smile at him, waiting for him to tell you about your head. He glances hesitantly at Rafe, who looks to you.

"I'll step out," he decides, "Check on Kelce."

You nod, "Thank you."

He kisses you again, not caring that he's putting on a show for the doctor. You give Rafe an encouraging nod when he pulls away, which is the only thing that makes his legs work toward the exit. Once your boyfriend is out of the room, the doctor clears his throat.

"You have a minor concussion," he announces to you, "Nothing to worry about, though. You need to take it easy for the next two weeks. Stay away from physical contact sports, keep your stress level low, things like that."

You nod, "Okay. I can do that."

He gives you a sympathetic smile, one that makes you raise an eyebrow.

"Y/N, I do have to ask you a question."

"Sure," you reply.

"Are you aware that you're pregnant?"

You swear you feel your heart stop in your chest. You stare at him, wiping your now sweating hands on your dress, and waiting on him to burst out laughing. He'd yell 'Gotcha!', and you'd laugh, even though it's not funny.

That moment doesn't come.

"Come on, big man. You're all right. Y'know where we are?"

Rafe helps Kelce out of his truck and onto Kelce's driveway. Kelce, who sobered up at the hospital but still seems a little out of it from the accident, clings to Rafe as if he couldn't stand without him.

"Live here," Kelce murmurs, "Oh, my God!"

"What?" Rafe asks.

"Where's Y/N? Is she okay?"

You smile and hop out of the passenger seat, against Rafe's orders to stay in the car. He sighs when he sees you round the truck, but he knows it's useless to say anything.

"M'fine, Kelce," you say.

He smiles and nods, holding a hand out aimlessly in the air for you.

"Good. Scared me. I gotta lay down," he sighs.

Kelce's parents come shooting out of the front door then, and you squeeze his hand before you let go and get back in the truck. Once you're sitting, you subconsciously place a hand on your stomach. Unable to believe there's something in there - someone in there. Someone who's a perfect mix of you and Rafe.

Anxiety swirls around your stomach, and you can't help but wonder if that's bad for the baby. The baby. It's not a word you'll ever be able to get used to.

Rafe climbs back into the truck once Kelce is with his parents, promising to come check on him tomorrow. When he looks over at you, he furrows his brows.

"Does your stomach hurt?" he asks, "Did you tell the doctor?"

"No," you shake your head, quickly removing your hand, "I'm fine. Really. Let's go home."

He gives you another hesitant glance, but eventually nods. He doesn't put a hand on you while he drives, and while this usually means he's mad or frustrated at you, you know it means something different tonight. He's anxious about driving with you in the car.

Rafe helps you out of the truck and onto his driveway. You two had stopped by your house to convince your parents that you're fine, and you'd insisted you just wanted to be with Rafe. They ultimately agreed and Rafe packed you a bag.

Nothing feels like it used to before. Not now. Not to you. When your mom first laid eyes on you, you swore to yourself she could see it. When your dad looked between you and Rafe, your cheeks burned. He knew, he had to.

They didn't. Nobody did, except you and the doctor.

You couldn't even bring yourself to tell Rafe.

"Are you sure you're okay? I should've asked the doctor if-"

"Rafe," you groan, "Please. Stop. I'm fine."

He nods, inhaling sharply at your demand. He wraps his arm around your waist and lets you lean your weight on him, guiding you toward the house.

Your thoughts torture you. Pregnant? Now? How is that even possible?

Well, you knew how it was possible. You just really aren't sure how you're supposed to feel about it. You need something to take these thoughts away. To distract you from the way your life seems to be spiraling out of control.

"Baby," you stop him dead in his tracks, "Let me see your project. It's done."

"No," he shakes his head, "Tomorrow. You need to rest."

"Rafe," you fight, "Please. I want to see it."

He licks his lips impatiently, shaking his head at you. You need to rest, be in his bed and have him get anything you could possibly want. You need to keep your stress levels low, even if that means making his high.

"Sweetheart, I really think-"

"Please."

He sighs, "Okay. This isn't how I planned it, though."

You fight rolling your eyes, having heard that statement from him a million times. One day, Rafe Cameron will learn that life does not go according to plan.

He leads you through the house and out the back door, supporting you as you walk across the backyard. He guides you to the guest house, pulling a loose key out of his pocket and shoving it into the door.

"The guest house is-"

"Hold on, baby," he ushers.

He guides you into the dark guest house, hand flexing on your waist from anxiety as he flips the lights on.

He'd completely remodeled the whole thing. It looks like an apartment now, complete with fresh paint and beautiful light fixtures. You gasp as you walk in, tugging out of Rafe's grasp so you can observe everything he'd done.

Down the hall from the door opens into the living room he'd created, complete with a big TV and a stunning couch. There is a framed picture of the two of you sitting on one of the side tables, which makes your heart tumble into your stomach.

"What is this, Rafe?" you breathe, looking back at him with wild eyes.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, "I - shit. I restored it. I made it into a livable place. It took a lot of work, I mean, there wasn't even proper electricity-"

"Why?"

His eyes shut briefly, "For us. I thought, maybe, we could live here. At least while you get familiar with your job and we can save and look for a real place, you know? It sucks that it's close to my parents, yeah, but it's totally ours and they're fine with it, plus it's free. And, if you don't want to live here, that's fine, too- are you okay?"

Your hand is covering your mouth when he looks up. You can feel tears welling in your eyes at the thought of living here with him. Your breath starts to quicken; the overwhelming sense of everything changing so immediately making you feel like everything's closing in. You step back and reach for the couch, eyeing Rafe as he rushes over and helps you sit down.

"Baby, I told you this was too much, I'm sorry-"

"No, it's okay," you say, voice weak and breathless, "I just - are you sure? I mean, Rafe, there's things that could change your mind, and I-"

"No, baby, nothing you could say will change my mind," he assures you, running his hands up and down your thighs as he kneels before you, silently assessing your features to make sure you're okay.

"Rafe," you sigh, emotions tumbling around in your chest, "If this is some fantasy fulfillment thing, I just need you to tell me-"

"Fantasy? Where is this coming from?"

His words are weak, and although he's trying to remain calm, you can hear his worry rising.

"I'm just worried," you finally sigh, "This is a big change, and - what if I don't live up to what you have in your head?"

He scoffs at the accusation, "Sweetheart. Come here."

You swallow yours emotions and scoot over when he moves up onto the couch, pulling you into his lap.

Him cradling your head in his hands to make sure to be careful with you does not go unnoticed. Instead, it makes a tear fall.

"I know this is a big thing. I shouldn't have shown it to you tonight. I'm sorry. You've been through enough without having this put on your shoulders as well. So, I'm gonna let what you just said slide. Because, I know that without a concussion, you wouldn't have said such a thing."

He watches as you frown, clenching your jaw and doing your best not to cry.

He presses on, "There is no alternate version of you that exists in my head. It's only ever been you. There's no real version of me that exists without you. I realized that tonight, when I had no fucking idea if you were okay or not -" he pauses, swallows, "Alive or not. I'm not me without you. I'm sorry to put that on you, and it terrifies me that I could lose you somehow, someday. I can't control the world, I can't put you in bubble wrap or keep you safe all the time. I can try, though. I want to give this a shot. A real shot, baby. Me and you."

You sniffle loudly, earning a look from him. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and rubs your back, doing his best to swallow his own emotions.

"I'm sorry I worried you," you whisper, reaching up to stroke the skin on his cheek, "But, I'm with you. You know that. Even if it scares the hell out of me, I know you'll be right there. I love you, Rafe. More than I've ever loved anyone before."

"I love you, too," he smiles, pressing a kiss against the tears running down your cheeks. He kisses each one away, kissing away your fears and doubts with it. He feels you relax in his arms, which makes him relax, too.

"Will you show me around?"

He hesitates, knowing you need to rest, "Are you sure?"

You nod and stand, not giving him any time to try and talk you out of it. He shows you the kitchen first; white cabinets and beautiful countertops stunning you. He even completes the room with your favorite candle resting in the center of the counter, and although you don't tell him, you notice it.

He shows you the bedroom next, then the bathroom. Although he'd told you that you didn't have to live here, you notice the second dresser he has in the bedroom, as well as the makeshift vanity he'd created for you in the bathroom.

Lastly, he shows you what he calls his office. It's a little small, but it has a big window so he says it will get a lot of natural light. You swallow as you look around the room, picturing something completely different in it, instead.

"I can't believe you did all this," you practically whisper.

He leads you back into the living room, pulling you down on his lap once again as he sits on the couch.

"It's small," he admits, "But, it's enough for the two of us."

You cringe, and he notices. He presses his lips to your shoulder, then turns you around in his lap so he can see your face.

You try to hide, which he also notices. He brushes hair back from your face, trying to get you to look at him.

"I should've never let you leave with them," he tells you, voice full of an emotion you've never heard from him before, "I should've come with you. It was a huge mistake-"

"If I hadn't been in the backseat, it would've been worse," you say suddenly, voicing the information like a robot, "Apparently, if there had been someone in the passenger seat, they could've been killed. One of the cops told Topper that. I'm glad you weren't there, Rafe."

He swallows, "You should have been with me. I should've taken you home."

"Stop," you sigh, "You can play the blame game all night. It doesn't change anything. We have way bigger problems now."

Rafe furrows his eyebrows, trying his best to get you to meet his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Um," you hesitate. The voice in your head is screaming at you to tell him. You're sure he'll be happy. You're sure he will be graceful and understanding and the man you know he is, "I don't know."

You chicken out, because the thought of looking him in the eye and saying that scares the shit out of you. You're not as strong as him. As capable. As grounded.

"You're scared," he observes, just assumes incorrectly about why, "It's okay. We can take it as slow as you want. You don't have to stay every night-"

"It's not that, baby," you say softly, leaning over and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. He accepts it, grateful for it, "It's just... complicated."

"It's not to me. I love you. And this is what I've wanted for so long, and it's not fair of me to always say that I've loved you forever, because I know it's only been ten months for you. I could see how it may feel fast for you. But, nothing has to change. We'll still be us. It's just, the thought of coming home to you, spending every night with you, it excites me. We have this whole life ahead of us-"

"I'm pregnant, Rafe."

The words hang in the air for far too long without being followed by anything. Both of you just silently trying to figure out what this means for both of you. What a child, relying on the two of you to take care of it, means for you.

He clears his throat once, then twice. His voice is hoarse when he speaks, "Could you repeat that, please?"

"I'm pregnant," you choke on the words as they come out.

He swallows visibly, gaze never leaving yours, "You're pregnant."

You nod, your eyes filling up yet again. For a split second, you wish you could take the words back. Stuff them back inside and not tell him, just keep it to yourself.

He's frozen, just staring at you with his lips parted. As if he's trying to figure out what to say. Instead, you feel yourself calm down when he moves his hand from your waist to your stomach, splaying his fingers along your shirt.

"You mean," he swallows, voice hoarse when it comes out, "My baby's in here? Our baby? You and me, we made a baby?"

You nod, "Yeah. We made a baby."

"Holy shit," he whispers, "No fucking way."

All at once, he picks you up and then turns, placing you back on the couch. He remains standing, staring down at you.

"Can you excuse me for one second?" he asks, breathless.

"Um, yeah," you say. You're confused and he knows it, so he just holds his finger up to you to tell you to wait.

He rushes off in the direction of the bedroom - your bedroom, now - and closes the door behind him out of precaution. You exhale and try to calm your nerves, having absolutely no fucking clue what Rafe is thinking.

You consider him climbing out the window and running away. The image only makes you laugh.

When the door opens again, you note immediately how he's brushed through his hair and put on a clean shirt. His hand shake slightly as he brings them up to rub his face. You take a deep breath, watching him cross the room and stand in front of you once more.

"Um, so, just as a disclaimer, this wasn't planned. I mean, it was, just not like this. I think our thing is just fucking up everything I plan. I don't mind that."

You nod, a small smile tugging at your lips, "I don't either."

"Okay," he agrees with a small nod. Clearly anxious.

You sit up and reach for his hand, which he gladly accepts, "What is it, Rafe?"

He sucks in a breath, then tugs his hand away from yours. His other hand tucks itself into his pocket, wrapping around something. He kneels then, and every thought leaves your mind.

"So," he starts, voice shaky. He pulls out the box and you swear you don't breathe, "I bought this last October. I wasn't trying to rush it, I just knew. I mean, I've known. Fuck, I've known since I first laid eyes on you at six years old. To be honest, I don't know if this is what you want. I have no idea what you're thinking right now. But, I'm all in. I'm in love with you. And, now, we're having a baby. Please, Y/N. Marry me. Marry me, sweetheart."

"Last October?" you gasp, knowing that's not the response he wants. Quickly, you shake your head and try again, "I'm so scared, Rafe. I have no idea how this is going to work."

He opens his mouth to speak, but you stop him, licking your lips impatiently.

"But," you continue, "If anyone can make it work, it's us. I love you. Yes."

His jaw fall open partially and he blinks twice before he speaks, "Yes? Like, yes?"

"Like, yes," you confirm, grinning.

"Holy shit," he laughs, then pulls you off the couch and into his arms, "Holy fuck. I love you."

"I love you, too," you say, tears spilling for the millionth time tonight.

You'd dreamed of your engagement many times. Pictures scenarios, ways Rafe might surprise you. And, while he'd certainly done that, your visions had never been like this.

However, this feels more perfect than anything you could've ever dreamed up.

"Baby, holy shit," he laughs in relief, the sweet sound filling your ears, "Wait. Let me put this on you."

You hadn't even seen the ring yet. You don't care; you'd marry him without one. He pulls open the box and bites his lip, suddenly wondering if it will be good enough. You, however, feel your heart stop in your chest when you see it.

The band is twisted, wrapping up to the 18 karat diamond in the middle. It truly is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

"Rafe," you gape, "Oh, my God."

He laughs, wiping away a stray tear from your cheek, "It looks like something you deserve to have on your finger."

You cry even harder at that, "I love it. It's so beautiful. Oh, my God. I love you."

He kisses you like he's never kissed you before, your future solidified between you two for the first time. He breaks away, silently telling himself to hold on, and slides the ring onto your finger.

"I'm never taking this off," you whisper to him.

"That's fine with me," he smiles, then presses his lips to yours once more.

You kiss him for what feels like forever on the floor of your new living room. You never dreamed when you got ready for Midsummers, that this would be how it ends. You're instantly grateful that life doesn't go according to plan.

"I love you so much," he says when he pulls away.

"I love you, too, Rafe," you say, sniffling.

The grin on his face is incomparable to anything you've ever seen in your life. He pulls you into his chest, hugging you tightly. You press kisses into his cheek and neck, unable to wrap your head around the fact that everything between the two of you changed in a matter of twenty minutes. And yet, you're still the same two people that had walked through that door.

"I hate to say this," he sighs, because he's really enjoying you kissing him the way you are, "But, you really need to rest. Would you be more comfortable in my room, or-"

"No," you shake your head, "I want to stay in our room."

He smiles widely at the words, then nods. Before you know it, he picks you up in his arms, laughing when you wrap your legs around his waist.

"We really suck at keeping your stress levels down, huh?" he jokes.

You laugh, "Yes. Does that mean we can't have sex?"

"The doctor told you to avoid extreme sports, baby."

You roll your eyes, but can't help the laugh that escapes your lips. Rafe grins cheekily, laying you down on the bed once he reaches it.

He climbs on top of you, pressing gentle kisses to your lips. You return them, smiling against him.

"You made me a home," you whisper to him, "You bought me a ring."

"I did," he confirms.

"You're going to be a dad."

His eyes close, and you watch his throat work, "Say that again."

"You're going to be a dad, Rafe," you whisper sweetly.

His lips pull up into a smile. When he finally opens his blue eyes again, they're filled with love. Admiration. Hope.

"Can't believe it," he tells you, "Not just the baby. You. I got the girl. I'm marrying the girl. Holy fuck."

"You're cute," you smile.

He nuzzles his face into your neck, kissing you once, twice, three times.

"We need to sleep before I get carried away," he mumbles against your skin.

"I'm fine with you getting carried away," you inform him.

"Kelce is going to shit a brick when he finds out," Rafe laughs, "Top, too."

"Yeah, I feel bad, breaking Kelce's heart like that," you tease him, and he grazes his teeth along your skin in response.

"I don't," he grunts.

"Oh, come on. Just playing," you giggle.

He laughs, climbing off of you to peel off his shirt and turn the light out. He steps back over, pulling the comforter back and watching you squirm underneath it.

"Rest, baby. Celebrate tomorrow," he promises.

His body instantly molds to yours in the bed, wrapping around you just the way he likes. You hum contently as you feel his skin. Not realizing how tired you are, you feel the sleep start to pull at you. Faintly, you register his hand make its way down to your stomach, pressing his palm into your skin as if to protect the baby inside.

"I love you," he whispers into the darkness.

"I love you, Rafe," you reply. It sounds more like a promise than a declaration.

You love him now. You love him in a year. You love him forever. That's what you promise him with those words. With your entire heart, you know he feels exactly the same way. Which is the only thing that dissolves every fear you have. No matter what plans life wrecks, how much shit it puts you through, you have this man to help pull you through it. That puts a smile on your face just as you drift off.

Tags: @hollandsour @flowerkidlxrry @kookkyra @pogueslandia @sarahwasfound @fuzzyhumanpersontrash @rafecameronn @rafeswh0ree @outerbankies @morganwilliams @lilgoddesshines @proactivetypeofperson @abrunettefangirlnerd @the-chaotic-cow @absolute-fcking-chaos @dontstopxx @kaatelyyynn @hayley1623 @riseabovetheexpectations @divanca2006 @jordynsharum @dudinhahoff @anonymousobxfan @blue-4-55-readinglist @premixed-margarita @444f4iry @alularae3 @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo @hopebaker @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @sk8rcal @ims0golden @princesspogue @gasolinesavages @outlaw-abby @samcaniglia @marveloussensations

[louscartridge]

mileven x reader

cw- semi un-edited bc im not doing this rn, violance, angst, i (kinda) changed some things, STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 SPOILERS!!, swearing, i forget tbh i wrote this like a month ago im trying yall.

​

request/sumerry-  When you get a chance can you do a one shot with mileven x reader but in season 4 where instead of max, vecna goes after the reader instead and mike, Jonathan, will and eleven are there with Steve, max , Dustin and Lucas and they are there trying to help like the same thing with what happened to max at the cemetery but with the reader and they are visiting her dad that passed . And while Dustin was calling for nasty he gets in touch with mike and they are already back in and weren’t too far and then they see the reader begin to float and mike and el panic. Mike gets really angry because of what happened and fearful and that they should have came back sooner and basically fluff and angst. (Sorry this is a lot)

-----------------------------------------------------------

the ride to the graveyard was painfully silent, you sat in the middle of el and mike, dustin in the passenger seat and steve in the driver's seat along with jonathan, will, max and lucas following behind you guys.

“turn here.” you said bluntly, staring out the window.

dustin turns his head around from the front seat to look at you “here?” you nod you head in response as he keeps looking at you for a few more seconds as steve turns into the graveyard.

“y/n?” mike hurriedly ran towards you with el following closely behind.

“guys please just wait in the car.” you yelled to them but this only served to make them run faster.

“y/n just wait! y/n, please.” mike pleaded while you kept walking up the hill to your dad’s grave.

“guys just wait-”

“just listen to me. just- please” mike pleaded, the two of them running even faster now.

“i know something happened back there with your mother.” he stated but his tone revealed how worried he was. there was a pregnant pause, everyone quiet for a moment.

“was it vecna?” el asks quietly trying to make eye contact with you, but you look everywhere that isn’t her.

she carefully studies your movements, the way you avoid eye contact with both her and mike more than usual, the way you chewed your lip anxiously, the way you absentmindedly fiddled with the zipper on your jacket.

you notice your actions and decide to look up at el. you held the eye contact for as long as you could, but you had to break it away.

“i told you; im fine. okay?” you can feel the tears welling in your eyes.

“i mean, im as fine as someone who’s hurtling towards a gruesome death can be.”

you trailed off, brushing the stray tears that fall off of your cheeks. quickly blinking the tears away, you look at mike, then down, then back to your left. it was quiet again for a second and you could see el going to move but she changes her mind.

“y/n.” mike says again but doesnt say anything after, nor do you.

el then decides to move again but goes through with it this time, pulling you into a hug. you dont hug her back but she still stays there, he arms wrapped around your torso tightly. when she doesn’t remove herself after a while, you open your arms, unwrapping hers from you. she thought you were going to hug her back but when you didnt she steps back to where she was before, next to mike.

“you know you can talk to us.” mike assures you.

“yeah, i know that.”

“okay, then why do you keep pushing us away?”

mike huffs when you don’t respond.

“okay look,” mike pulls a letter out of his back pocket, motioning to el and she quickly does the same.

“we dont need a letter. we dont want a letter. just talk to us. talk to your friends. they’re right here. we are right here.”

“okay? we’re here” el adds.

“just wait in the car. i wont be long.” you ignore both of them and run to your father’s grave.

————-

you swear you had been staring at your dad’s grave for hours now but surely you hadn’t, steve would be nagging at you to come back down.

“dear ronnie. i dont even know if you can hear this but i’ll say it anyway. two years ago i would have said ‘that’s ridiculous, impossible.’ but that was before i found out you would be dragged into me and my friend’s dangers, so.... im just going to get to the point. so much has happened since you left. me and mom started getting into fights. bad fights. i dont think she could stand being here without you. so she left. and she didnt leave me much. ive been living with my boyfriend and i got another job with steve. basically ever since you left, everything’s been.. a total disaster. and the worst part is, i cant tell anyone where you’ve gone. that you saved el’s life. that you saved my life-”

you stop for a moment, the tears welling up in your eyes blurring your vision.

“i play that moment back in my head all the time. and sometimes i imagine myself running to you, pulling you away from it all.”

you stopped again to wipe a tear.

“i imagine that if i had, that you would still be here.” you continue to read the letter you wrote for him about 2 hours ago, inbetween sniffles and sobs.

“everything would be right again. i imagine that we- that we couldve- that we couldve had a good, or at least better relationship. like- like a real father and child. i know that’s stupid. you hated me. i hated you. but i thought maybe. maybe we could try again.”

at this point you could feel steve, el, and mike intensly staring at you so you looked over to them but they all turned away and dustin started talking to steve acting as if they weren’t all being the nosy-ist people alive right now.

you roll your eyes irritably, looking back at your dads grave and down to the paper in your hand and continued reading your painfully long letter.

“but thats not what happened. i just- i just stood there. and i watched. for a while i tried to be happy. normal. but i.... i think a part of me died that day too. and i haven’t told anyone this. i- i just cant.”

you flip the letter over taking in a deep breath, ready to finish this. you cursed to yourself, annoyed at how long you had made this, hoping you didn’t make everyone else’s as long.

“if you can even hear this; i really hope that you can... im sorry... im so so sorry ronnie. love your shitty child y/n.”

as you closed the letter you could hear thunder  crashing above you and the sky began to darken quickly.

then you started hearing... clocks? you were outside, there are no clocks?

“y/n...” a familar voice drags.

———

steve looks at his watch, impatiently tapping his finger on the car door.

“alright, its been long enough.” steve says firmly, walking up the hill to y/n.

“steve just give her some time.” mike protests.

“i have.”

“y/n!” steve yells making his way up to you but you dont respond.

“time to giddy up, yeah?” he pants lightly hitting your shoulder, but you still don’t respond.

he steps in front of you seeing your eyes glossed over with white, your body completely frozen. he grabs your shoulder, shaking it roughly.

“y/n? y/n. y/n! y/n!” each time he says your name the panic in his voice rises.

“y/n…” the familiar voice says.

the voice is distorted, preventing you from knowing who it could be, all you know is that you’ve definitely heard the voice before.

“i’ve been waiting to hear those words, y/n.” you cant pinpoint where the voice is coming from. it surrounds you, almost like it’s coming from you. you slowly stand up and walk around in a circle, searching for where it could be coming from. you were still in the graveyard, except you cant see anyone who had come with you.

“i waited so very long.”

the voice starts to manifest itself in front of you, and you see someone slowly walking up to you.

“dad?”

“wake up!” steve shakes you still trying to get you out of your trance-like state. “hey!” he lets go of your shoulder to clap next to your ear.

“hey, are they ok?” will ask jonathan who is sat next to him. they still haven’t gotten out of the car.

“what do you mean?” max laughs behind will, sitting sideways facing lucas because they had been playing pattycake.

“nice job letting Jonathan answer!” lucas snickers hitting max’s hand harder than before.

“no, shut up. listen. do you hear that? that’s steve yelling.”

jonathan rolls down his window and sticks his head out.

“hey are they ok?” he shouts to everyone infront of him. he doesn’t wait for a reply, quickly getting out of the car.

dustin looks up from above the car, standing on the bottom of the door, lucas slowly getting up off of the hood of the car, and mike and el get off the trunk of the car looking up to where you and steve are.

“ohh something is wrong” el whispers, steve calling your name still echoing throughout the graveyard.

“guys!” steve shouts to everyone at the bottom of the hill, waving frantically and motioning for them to come up and help. el was the first one to start running, and the first person to reach the top of the hill.

———

time. time seemed to be going by so slowly. you felt like you’d been in this place for hours but your logic told you that you couldn’t have been. you assumed you were in the upside down, your surroundings were familiar and you recognised them from the last time you were here. all of a sudden the sound of the chiming clocks stopped, and all that could be heard was your heavy breathing and the cruel words and assumptions your dad spat at you.

“you have sometimes wished to follow me.” he growled. he just wouldn’t stop. one thing after another but then he pauses, the sound of clocks starting up again.

“follow me into death - that is why i am here y/n.” you rapidly start shaking your head and start saying ‘no’ over what he’s saying, trying to drown out his voice.

“to end your suffering once and for all.” he boomed.

you didn’t even realize he was walking closer and closer to you and you were walking backwards until you fell, you breathing getting heavier.

looking back up to your dad - suddenly he didn’t look like your dad anymore. instead this creature was a lot taller than him, wider too. it looked as if he didnt have the first few layers of skin. all pink and purple and covered in veins. you stare at the thing in fear and confusion, unable to take your eyes off it.

it was vecna.

“it is time y/n” it says tauntingly slow with more distortion than before.

“time for you to join me.”

you quickly get up, tripping and contiue to run as fast as you can. where? you dont know. but you just ran.

———

“y/n! y/n you gotta get outta there!” mike says shaking your shoulder roughly.

“can you hear me?” el speaks into your ear, stood next to mike waving her hand infont of your face.

almost everyone was yelling frantically, desperate to try and wake you up.

however steve wasn’t. he kept pacing back and forth behind everyone, and jonathan watched him pace until he remembered a certain someone.

“oh my god nancy! did anyone hear from nancy yet? is she ok?” jonathan quickly says, now pacing himself as steve stops to look at him. nancy and robin. they were supposed to be talking to victor creel about this to see if he could help.

“call nancy and robin!” steve yells out of nowhere pulling dustin’s shirt, and pushing him towards the car.

“go get ‘em! call nancy and robin! go!”

the continued shouting drowns out the sound of dustin rolling and falling as he heads for the car.

“shit!” “shit shit shit! shit shit shit!” he curses, running faster than he had ever ran before.

this is his best friends significant other and he was not going to let them die. no matter what.

after missing the walkie a few times he finally got it. “nancy? robin? do you copy? this is a code red. do you copy?” he yells into the font of the walkie talkie. “shit. robin!” he yells even louder, still not getting a response.

———

you’d been running so fast, your legs ached and you desperately tried to pull air into your lungs. you stop, hiding behind a brick wall. leaning on the wall, you slowly peek around the corner and see the vecna again. you whip your head back around suddenly.

“you cannot hide from me y/n” vecna continued to threaten you.

———

“robin where the hell are you? this is a code red! i repeat! this is a code red!”

“dustin it’s robin. we copy.”

“holy shit finally. please please please tell me you have this shit figured out!” he exclaims in frustration and relief. if anyone were to see him now they would think of a baby throwing a tantrum.

climbing onto the roof of the car, he balls his hand into a fist and jumps up and down. “guys i got nancy!” he yells over to everyone even though he wasn’t sure anyone could even hear him above the sound of their own screams.

“ok so long story short-” robin was cut off by jonathan.

“nancy!”

“jonathan?”

“oh thank god you’re ok!”

“no no no! now is not time for this! robin please continue.”

———

“mike! el!” you yell still running. you have no idea where your running you just have to run.

“mike please help me! el!” you soon come to a stop, the air turning red and rapidly making its way towards you. you look around, deciding that you have no other choice and walk straight into it.

———

“music?”

“music!” robin and nancy tell dustin that if they find out y/n’s favorite song it should snap her out of her day-dreamy state. dustin hurriedly gets down from steve’s car and runs over to jonathan’s.

jonathan watches the boy for a second while being confused. “what are you doing?”

“max’s backpack. i need max’s backpack!”

“it’s in the back somewhere”

dustin quickly swings open the door and gets her backpack.

“found it!” he grabs it, tipping it upside down and dumping everything out onto the seat. he gathers all of the cassettes and the cassette player in his arms and runs up the hill, jonathan following him. a few of the tapes fell from his arms but jonathan made sure to pick them up.

———

you walk carefully through the red fog, sounds of creatures snarling around you and leaves and branches snapping underfoot.

in front of you was a horrible storm, but there was no rain. just  booming thunder and crackling lightning.

the entire place was almost as dry as a desert, the only moisture being the pools of blood on the ground. you began to hear screams and saw a building coming into view before you, similar to a castle.

it’s daunting, but you make the decision to walk further towards it, hoping one of the doors in the building could be a way out. you had come so far already, right?

———

dustin and jonathan finally return to the others, gasping for air and dropping the tapes on the ground in front of everyone.

“what is this?” el asks, somewhat startled from the two boys’ sudden approach.

dustin wastes no time in getting to the point.

“what’s her favorite song?”

“why?”

“robin said if she listens...”

as dustin explains as quickly as possible, steve looks at jonathan, slightly flailing his arms about. jonathan is still panting and warm from the run up the hill, and peels off his black jean jacket and disposes of it on the ground before walking up to him.

“do you think it’s gonna happen to me too?” will asks, his voice shaking as he stares at the group with tears in his eyes.

“huh?”

“i mean..what if it already happend to me? this has happened to me before remember? a few years ago. it was one of my episodes. mom came to pick me up from school and i was in the middle of the field, pretty much like this.”

“i- i cant hear you” jonathan speaks loudly, unsure if his brother can hear him over the yells of dustin and the others.

“what! is! her! favorite! song!”

———

slowly lifting up your foot after hearing a rather unpleasant crunch, you look down to see a bunch of white balls and tiny spiders crawling out from under your shoe.

vecna was saying things to you but you couldn’t even fully hear what he was saying, sounds were just fading in and out.

you turn around quickly, sensing something but soon wish you hadn’t.

chrissy cunningham, bones all broken and twisted, eyes drooped down and big black tenticals wrapping around her and into her mouth.

you soon realised this was more than just chrissy. it was everyone who had suspiciously died. mangled and broken and tied around trees that surrounded you. 

all of a sudden you started turning back around but not willingly. it felt almost as if a force was dragging you, forcing you to turn around. 

“would you like to join them, y/n?” vecna said, still in the same distorted, taunting voice. 

you couldn’t move. you couldn’t run. you couldn’t walk. just blink and breathe. 

“i’ll give you a head start.” and with a snapping sound you could move again. not wasting a second you immediately started running. 

“el! mike! help!” it was no use. you knew it was. you were in the upside down and were going to die and you knew it. “will! someone help! please!” you sobbed more and more with each word. “wi-” your words were cut off by one of the vines coming up and wrapping around your ankle, pulling you down to the ground, dragging you back to where vecna was. you had never screamed this loud before. you could only hope the sound of your screams could be heard by someone or rip a hole in the upside down somehow. once you got to the nearest tree you were too wrapped around it, your airway being cutoff, breathing becoming increasingly more difficult. the horrifying realisation that you would die here began to sink in. there was only one difference between you and the people around you: they were dead. you were almost there. 

--------------------------------------

after el finally told dustin y/n’s favourite song, dustin and will started flipping through the cassettes, hoping that max has the tape.

“which one is it?” dustin asks helplessly to no one in particular.

 “did she say running up that hill?” max whispers to herself.

“what?” will responded quietly.

“i think i have the tape they’re looking for.” max says moving her arm, shuffling things around in her pocket. “please please please...yes!” she says triumphantly. “dustin?” max shouts, waving the tape in the air.“guys!” she shouts a little louder.

el turns her head. “what?!” lucas, mike, dustin, and steve all yell together, looking impatiently at max.

 “oh thank god.” lucas whispers but barely enough for anyone to hear it.

“where did you even get that?” mike asked anxiously, breaking the silence.

 “i was listening to it earlier.” max commented, passing the tape to dustin.

“thank you” el slightly smiles, looking over at max.

“okay! headphones!” steve clapped making dustin quickly place the headphones on y/n

.“now!” dustin yells, signalling for mike to press play on the cassette player.

----------------------------------------

the straining sounds coming from you were fading, your desperate movements of trying to shift the vine from around you began to slow down. the sound of kate bush could be heard and a hole seemed to be burning its way into the air. it was like a portal, you could now see into the graveyard through it and hear sounds from the real world, the voices of your friends, the sounds of people talking and birds twittering too. you could hear them yelling to you, 

“y/n wake up!” and “come on y/n we’re right out here!” can be heard coming from the portal.

“they can’t help you, y/n.” vecna says as the vine starts tightening around you even more. you were getting lightheaded from the lack of air. “theres a reason why you hide from them” he continues, inching closer to you. 

thunder in our hearts

“you belong here. with me.” “you’re not really… here” you manage to cough out. “oh but i am, y/n. i am” before you could even process what he had said, he lifted his big hand and stuck his long, sharp pink fingers into your face.

and if i only could, i’d make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places

“wh-why is she floating?” el stutters.

“isn’t that what eddie said happened to chrissy before she died?” will said, fear in his voice.

“y-yeah” lucas breathed.

“y/n!” el cried. she had only just gotten you back. you had just stopped ignoring her and the attention you were giving them isn’t the nicest, but you were getting somewhere. she cant lose you again. she can’t lose you for good. “y/n please! please dont die, y/n!” el continues to scream and sob.

 the entire time, throughout everyone’s efforts, mike just looks on silently. he says nothing. he felt like he was gonna pass out as if he had been screaming for ages when in reality he hasn’t said anything. he takes el’s hand and pulls her towards him and she latches onto his arm still crying incoherently and calling out your name.

you could see the little people you knew as your best friends through vecna’s fingers. they looked so tiny but you could see them. you could hear them. you could see and hear el. “y/n please! please dont die, y/n!” you heard the sobbing of el. you felt so bad, you had been ignoring her and being a bitch to her, you regretted it so much now. you don’t want the last thing you ever said to her to be “just wait in the car. this won’t take long.” you were pushing her away. not just el but mike too. you were pushing away everyone.

 “we don’t want a letter. we’re right here.”

“this tastes so good!”

“oh! i like this dress a lot!”

“y/n… friends don’t lie”

you started thinking of memories that you have with el, mike, you and the rest of the party hoping it would snap you back or something.

let me steal this moment from you now

“mike did you hit play?” dustin asks impatiently, looking back and forth to his bestfriend and then to his bestfriend’s s/o.

 “yes i hit play!”

 “so if the music is on why isn’t it working?”

 “i dont know! you’re the one with all the information!” 

“guys we can’t do with this arguing right now!” steve interrupts making the two of them go silent besides some heavy breathing.

come on baby, come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now

“see? zoomer.”

“the movie was complete shit but the popcorn was good so it’s whatever”

“oh- i… i dont know how to dance”

“i don’t want you to go”

“you’re doing great!”“

“this is your first time having ice cream?”

memory after memory replayed in your head, eyes closed, the vision of all the memories of your friends along with the voices of your friends and your favorite song. you felt.. airy? floaty? you couldn’t describe how it felt but you know it felt good. digging your nails into the vine on your right arm, you heard a squelching and a squeak and pressure being lifted off of your arm, signalling that the vine had released itself from you. you confidently brought your hand up to vecna’s neck and dug your hand into his neck, causing him to grunt in pain and fall over.

the rest of the vines then released you from their shared pain. you fell down off of the tree and fell on your side hearing a soft crack and a sharp feeling in your rib. 

“i hope the injuries i get in here aren’t mirrored in real life’ you thought to yourself. 

pushing yourself up, you wince in pain, but immediately start running towards the portal-type hole. almost there. however, before you could get too far away, vecna got up and started making a gravestone fall almost on top of you. you fall and wince at the pain again but get up only to be covered in someone’s blood from the puddles all over. 

and if i only could, i’d make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places

you were so close now, but it was taking you so long to get there because of the gravestones and now fenceposts that were being thrown at you. you had so much blood covering you the leaves were sticking to the soles of your shoes, causing you to slip a few times.

be runnin’ up that road, be runnin’ up that hill, be runnin’ up that building

“are you sure this is their favourite song?” max asks nervously.“you didn’t see any of the other tapes in there that might be it?”

“no no this is it!” el was so sure that it was. 

“then why is it taking so long?!” mike snaps tighting his grip on el’s waist. she tries to step away from him. el was irritated. she understood that a lot was happening right now and how everyone was under so much pressure and stress. she just wished she still had her powers to try and do something to help. something more than just tell them a name of some silly song.

say if i only could, i’d make a deal with god

 so...close…you were so close you could see yourself floating and your friends under you yelling your name. you let this spur you on, you ran faster and faster, or maybe it was just time making it seem that way? 

“y/n!” everyone was yelling for you, dustin being the loudest of course.

 suddenly you gasp and everything looks normal again. well, everything but the height you were at. you quickly fall down onto the ground and everyone spreads out away from you and away from eachother. even mike and el. but no one stayed far apart for long when they heard you gasping.

 “y/n! y/n!” you hear at the same time as you feel someone grab you by the arms and lift you up. you yell at the sudden contact, unsure of who was touching you. 

“it’s steve! it’s steve! you’re okay!” he says while quickly letting go of you. the touch was soon being replaced by a pair of arms wrapping tightly around you, who you soon realised was mike when you saw his familiar t-shirt. you expected your rib to be aching from mike’s arms being wrapped around you but it didn’t, nor were you covered in blood. you didn’t seem to be physically injured at all.

 you keep gasping in shock and not used to the sudden normal amount of air into your lungs and grip mike’s lower arm with your hand to steady yourself.

 “its ok. its ok. its mike. ok? its me mike” he whispers into your ear a few times, helping you to slow your breathing back down.

 “el. el! where’s el?” you asked desperately, still panting. you detached your arms from mike and turn around.you see el standing behind you, tears silently slipping down her cheeks.

“i thought we lost you” el starts sobbing again as she speaks, her bottom lip folding.

 “no, no i’m right here. see?” you pat your body and spin around, displaying to her that you had come back.

 el lets out a breath she was holding in despite her sobbing before quickly running up to you and giving you the tightest hug either of you would ever experience. 

“its hard to breathe to begin with el” you wheeze and laugh a little. 

“right. sorry.” she lets go immediately but you can see the relief present in her face. “i’m kidding, it’s okay. hey listen, i need to tell you this quickly and i wanna talk to you more about it along with mike too but im so sorry.i don’t know why i was ignoring you guys and being an absolute bitch when i wasn’t ignoring you. you guys probably would’ve helped me through everything and im so sorry.” 

“i love you, please give me another chance, even though we never actually broke up but-” your ranting was cut off by el awkwardly pulling your shoulders towards her and kissing you. despite the awkward hold she had on your shoulders the kiss was extremely comforting

.“of course i will and im sure mike will also. and i love you too” 

no matter how many times you had heard it from her or mike it never failed to give you butterflies. 

“hey! i walk away for two seconds and you guys are making out? what’d i miss?” mike jokingly yelled to you both while jogging over to you guys as if you didn’t almost just die.

 you and el turned and looked at eachother and started giggling then look back at mike. “what?” he chuckled.