#but now i am reading it for realsies

[beannary]

guys im being so productive, i have a book review due in two weeks and im already reading the book instead of not reading the book and just bullshitting the whole assignment the night before its due

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Don't mistake my dislike of B/llford as being for any moral reason; I don't care what people ship and even have a few friends who enjoy it! I just think their dynamic is so much more interesting without any romantic interpretation attached, and I always get a little sad when I'm looking at something involving that and it veers into 'haha they're divorced/exes/whatever'. Like aww, aro-blocked :(

[cowboy-robooty]

now that wiener has changed me i can show my true colors to you all. this is the equivalent of me posting my little prince on the internet okay because i genuinely think this is cringe and stupid but i cant help it i have autistic rage and everyday i fight against it. anyways the reason why its so big i like wieners itapan is bc this is how i actually feel about itapan

its okay though because everyday i fight to cure myself of these aids (once i opened my social media app and saw itapan and my day genuinely felt significantly worse. ruined even. i am fighting so hard).

[flyingspicerack]

Okaaaay daydreaming time then sleeby nienie eveyone!!

[scrawlingskribbles]

.

[orion-nottson]

the comet did not reply | tfp!megatron x reader

A/N: my dualities of man: megatron smut and megatron angst 💀 this one’s literally crazy insane among us balls tbh so please proceed with caution if you choose to read!!! heed the warnings!

also, megatron probs comes across as a lil ooc in this, considering the ~premise~ i establish in the story (you’ll understand if you read it 😈) but for realsies i really really did try to keep him in-character/in-line with how he’d act/react in this scenario!! 😭

title is inspired by a line from and also with you by natalie shapero.

summary: you’re old, weary, and it’s hard to fight a war when you feel like you’re losing. and the mech you once loved love leads the other side.

content: 18+ ONLY, minors DNI, DARK, cybertronian!reader, gn!reader, suicidal ideation, past relationship, break up, lovers to enemies, referenced infidelity, war, violence, injury, major character death, no happy ending

word count: 4,925

~ * ~ * ~

~ * ~ * ~

Wherever you are on Earth, it’s raining. Again. It’s the fourth mission in a row that it’s been raining. The warm water patters rhythmically on your armor, wetting your wiring and gathering in seams and joints. Shifting on your peds, the grass and soil beneath sink in that strange, soft way that you’re still not quite adjusted to. Organic planets are peculiar and always will be.

Back on Cybertron, “rain” wasn’t composed of water, but of highly corrosive, abrasive acids that could eat away at a Cybertronian’s frame if they chose to stand in it for too long. Which never happened, because most ‘bots had the common sense (and innate fear) to run for cover once city-state alarms were sounded.

Once, when you were barely out of your protoform, you had gotten sprayed with the “rain” and it left shallow, yet surprisingly painful, grooves on your back struts.

Lifting a servo, you watch Earth’s tiny, harmless beads of nothing more than oxygen, hydrogen, and occasionally elements such as nitrogen and sodium, collect at the divots and seams of your palm or drip off the points of your digits. Mesmerizing little pearls, leaving shimmering trails, careless and directionless.

“Ratchet, I am at location. It seems undisturbed, but if I don’t report back in a breem, I may require assistance.” You say across the comm, still watching the rain make rivers of you. After a beat, the old medic replies with a gruff and secretly worried, “Affirmative”. Then you disconnect the line and it’s silent— save for the rain— once again.

Scanning your surroundings, you take note of your location at the base of a sloping mountain to your left, the break in the forest right before it, and the expanse of wilderness all around you. You’d have better coverage with the trees, so you stick to the treeline, quietly marveling at how, despite your towering height, they are still taller than you. 

In the air, the droplets mess with your sensors— not nearly as bad as falling snow does— and the reduced accuracy in spatial awareness and cloaking raises your guard. If you had a partner with you (especially Smokescreen or Bumblebee), you’d be doubly cautious for them, but this is an increasingly more common instance where a member of Team Prime is sent alone for a mission.

If you were truthful, you didn’t mind it. Silence was becoming more and more a treasure to you, and you’d admit you began to almost frantically seek it out. It was too hard now to be... around others. Being present, having to act as if nothing is so fundamentally wrong, pretending for the morale of the team— It makes you want to crash your own drives so hard it takes a week for them to reboot.

Yes, isolation is easy, it’s kinder. Being alone with your thoughts is easier than being in a room full of people— All talking, all watching— where you have to squash them deep down, down where each terrible, horrible thought festers in the circuitry of your processors like a virus. It pains you to no end that you can never tell anyone this, but this is war frag it— Who isn’t suffering?

A heavy, nebulous weight settles in your spark like an all-consuming void, where it started aching vorns ago and seems to have grown only larger. System diagnostics find little physically wrong, usually just slightly elevated Energon circulation, so you know it’s all psychological. The thought doesn’t help. 

Being so lost in your helm made you forget your purpose here, a living-metal titan amongst trees beneath a steady rainstorm. The Energon locator in your servo bleeps rhythmically, faster when you angle it towards the mountain. That’s where a deposit probably is, though that means there may be Decepticons as well.

A passing thought of requesting back-up crosses your mind, and you dismiss it— Along with Optimus’ inevitable disappointed reprimand should you get into trouble— faster than an optic blink. You’d be able to hold your own against Vehicon drones.

And it is a tremendous effort to ask for help; You don’t speak that language anymore. Haven’t for eons. Especially not from Optimus, whose optics are always sad when he looks at you.

At least it’s raining. In the short time you’ve been on Earth, you learned to like the rain.

~ * ~ * ~

At the far side of the mountain from where you emerge from the forest, the rock opens into a jagged cave entrance. Crouching behind an outcrop of stone, you survey the open area and see no immediate signs of Decepticon activity. Waiting a few clicks, listening to the soft rain, you stand up and hastily cross the small distance to the cave. Hiding at the mouth of it, you peek past the edge.

Dark, damp, and most importantly lifeless, the cave looks like it hasn’t been touched in some time. You check the locator as you step inside, a blip on the screen confirming Energon a little ways in. The light of the device illuminates the cave walls, though with your specialized optics, the darkness doesn’t negatively affect your vision.

As you walk, the cave tunnels seemingly endlessly, winding occasionally but steadily declining as you find yourself going deeper and deeper into the Earth. Eventually, the layers of sediment will afflict the range of your communications, and you’d have to turn back. Or continue and be cut off. 

You weigh your options. Your pedsteps don’t stop.

A break in the tunnel reveals a more open area, where a cave fractures into multiple systems of shafts that stretch in all directions. Stalagmites sporadically rise from the ground, uneven and glistening with calcium deposits. The Energon locator pings, telling you that there is a deposit somewhere beneath the clusters of mineral ore.

Somewhere, cave water drips from the ceiling and lands with soft plinks! into puddles scattered across the wet rock ground. It’s not perfectly rhythmic like the rain on the surface, but you suppose it’ll do.

plink!

You count to three, audials straining to listen.

plink!

Two this time. You shudder.

plink!

Four. It is so quiet down here, you think, I want it to be quiet forever.

plink!

In a barbaric shift in volume level, the tell-tale sound of a groundbridge crackling to life behind you sets you immediately on edge. You whip around, making short work of the three Vehicons that appear from the swirl of light, getting them each with a blaster shot. Respite wouldn’t follow, as the large, foreboding frame of the Decepticon Lord himself strides from the groundbridge just as it flourishes into nothingness behind him.

In the sheer darkness, Megatron looks like a living shadow, no light reflecting off his silver armor except the slimmest amount from the glow of your optics and weapons. His optics shine menacingly, bright enough to bathe the nearest rocky formations in red. It wouldn’t be something that any other ‘bot would catch— barring Optimus— but the brief flicker of genuine surprise that crossed them is almost too much for you to handle. He hasn’t been this close to you in vorns.

Briefly, the sight of him conjures another vision in your processor— One of being within the gloomy underbelly of the Pits of Kaon, of being introduced to a determined, yet kind, gladiator, of his optics aflame, twin stars in the dark—

— Then, the last time you saw him up close: A gladiator scorned, storming from the Council in Iacon that just renamed Orion Optimus Prime, the silver mech filling with dark, dark resolve—

You return to reality almost painfully, ignoring the deep, throbbing hurt in your chassis— An internal diagnostic check reveals nothing physical. The mech that stands before you looks similar to the one you knew eons ago, but this mech is changed. His faceplates have hardened. He’s darker, more violent. Similar, but different.

It’s a sobering thought to realize you’ve become much the same.

“Megatron.” His name passes your dermas harshly, like saying it was sharp and jagged enough to tear up your intake. You slowly lift your still-smoldering blasters, flipping one to your sword instead. Megatron takes up an untroubled demeanor, lifting an optic brow in a grand display of supposed boredom. His true intentions are divulged by the cruel glint in his red optics. On guard, you adopt an offensive stance, bristling.

He says your name like it’s meant to please you, like nothing ever happened between the two of you, and it makes you feel sick to your fuel tanks. Why did it come to this, you beg yourself and find no answer, seeing again that kind-sparked gladiator of Kaon, but now a warlord stands before you. Nonchalantly, Megatron regards his slain soldiers and dismal, claustrophobic surroundings then speaks, “It has been quite some time since our paths last crossed so... intimately.”

“Keep that word from your mouth.” You snap without thought, too blinded by the rage and hurt and regret to act reasonably. Memories become insinuated, memories you once found fond that now you can’t look back upon without flinching. It breaks your spark, makes the void grow larger, but you box them away and hide them in that deep, dark place to rust.

When Megatron’s sword slides from his armor with a clean hiss, you realize you are pitifully, utterly alone. Dread creeps in through the same cracks as guilt does.

“Are you truly so quick to discard our history?” The silver mech asks, dermas twitching up into a smirk that brandishes his pointed denta. It’s a visceral feeling to see familiar features you once loved bastardized, to see the softer parts of him sharpened enough to harm. Barely contained shudders threaten to disarm you as your processor is unforgiving in letting you forget.

I remember so much, you beg, Allow me to not, just this once.

“I washed my servos of you eons ago.” You lie breathily, as you remember the phantom touch of his servos tender and warm against your armor. Places where he once held you burn, fires igniting all across your frame like tiny volcanoes of sparkache and sorrow.

“A shame. You once promised yourself to me.” Megatron drawls, and the glint in his red optics is cruel as the familiar tickling at your spark, a sensation that was once new and curious and that you both tested on each other, rouses awake like an old god from their eons-long slumber, shaking off the dust of vorns of dormancy and misuse. The connection is near instantaneous, near overwhelming, as you feel him enter your spark. Megatron’s sudden emotions of righteous fury and long-withheld grief are unwelcome visitors to your processors.

He is reopening your sparkbond. 

And as a weapon against you.

“How dare you.” You seethe, coolant tears gathering at the edges of your optics, your spark aching in your chassis. Megatron no doubt senses your turmoil, but your servos quiver so hard you feel no satisfaction from the knowing wince that crosses his faceplates. Bonds go two ways after all.

Then:

/No— How dare you./ Megatron sends the scathing message across the bond, his gravelly voice ringing somehow in your spark and not your audials. It has you gasping, blinking back tears, the burn of his voice branding rather than comforting. It’s been so long since you’ve heard him in this way.

“Do not act as though you are blameless.” Megatron snarls, and all the bond chants is Betrayal! Betrayal! Betrayal! as it throbs with his vengeance and pain. The accusation is hefty enough to shake you from your self-loathing and pity so that those ugly feelings get replaced by anger, which is easier than all of them. Rage hot beneath your chassis, you make sure to flood the bond with it.

“Betrayal? You don’t know the meaning of the word.” You hiss, the word’s mention wanting to make you laugh and weep, “We were not the ones that turned the revolution into tyranny! We didn’t cause Cybertron to die—”

“We! Precisely that!” Megatron exclaims angrily, and the words conjure images of Optimus Prime, of what your estranged conjunx believes you to have done with the Prime— flashes of curious, black servos, foreign dermas upon your own, promises made under guilty moonlight and secrecy— and your spark sinks deep, deep into your fuel tanks. Optics blown wide, you barely manage a horrified, “I never.”

/Have you?/ Distrust, cynicism, vexation.

“Pray tell, why else would you choose him over me?” Megatron jeers harshly, and it hurts to see the pain written across his faceplates as clear as a sunny day.

“Because I didn’t know who you had become!” You cry, gesturing vaguely as terrible memories start to resurface from the deep, dark place you ensnared them in, memories of Megatron after Optimus gained his title, of a glowering mech taking up arms under the name of the Old Guild, the birth of the Decepticons.

There were so many nights of fighting, of arguments that eventually forced you to make the terrible, spark-breaking decision to walk away from your conjunx as all that you fought for collapsed.

/And into the awaiting arms of Optimus Prime./ Bitterness. Contempt.

“NO!” You howl like some wounded Earthen animal, and you never used to be a violent person, yet here you are, charging with a sword drawn at your own sparkmate. A battle cry tears out of you like a demon let free, and you lunge at Megatron swinging your sword, the blade clashing against his with a metallic bang. A litter of sparks fly off the collision, more when your swords drag against one another, and you slide back defensively as you avoid a slash from him. Megatron sneers as his blade meets air, but gloats when his fist collides with your side.

You fly back, the shriek escaping your dermas abruptly stopping when you hit the stone wall. Pain receptors flare, a system diagnostic finding nothing severe enough that you’d worry. Just as you collect yourself, you dodge Megatron’s blade and he’d thrust it with enough impact that it imbedded itself in the rocks. As he struggles to free his arm, you swing your fist at his helm, connecting with his jaw, causing him to stumble on his peds.

This has the unfortunate side effect of dislodging his blade, and the silver mech wastes no time in charging you again. He roars, his hefty blade colliding with yours so intensely it sends shockwaves up your arm. You grunt, losing your footing, fully understanding now just how competent a gladiator Megatron was, and just how strong Optimus is to be able to best him.

“You know you are no match for me.” Megatron says as if he’s heard all of your thoughts— Which he probably has, in a sense. You glare at him and while your helm says I know, I don’t plan on winning, your mouth retorts headily, “You’ve never been one to be fair regardless.”

Swords clash, a kick is attempted, a fist is swung, you sail back hard against the wall— Again. Stone crumbles and falls around you, rocks bouncing off your armor and leaving knicks in your paint. Before you can stand, Megatron seizes your neck cables with surprising speed, and your groan warbles in your intake as he squeezes your vocal processors.

Pain flares as the silver mech heaves you to your peds by your neck, clawed digits digging into Energon lines at the base of your helm. Megatron is beaming widely as your gaze locks onto his, anger wild and crazed in his blazing optics. Your servos fly to his arm— At impact, your frame automatically disarmed— digits gripping at unforgiving silver armor. Your bond weeps in pain and terror, Megatron fights to meet it with indifference and coldness.

“Do not speak to me about fairness. It never existed on Cybertron, and it certainly doesn’t exist now.” The silver tyrant drops you like you’ve repulsed him, your peds nearly giving out as you manage to steady yourself. He has half the mind to look as though he’d strike you again, but he doesn’t. At Megatron’s side, his sword shivers, and with a twang! it retracts back into subspace like he wanted to keep it out and his body refused him.

“I cannot kill you.” He says after a beat of silence, while you barely manage to keep your footing, leaning heavily against the stone all around you. 

“Our— The bond won’t allow it.” You reply dryly, not looking at your conjunx, delicately touching your now-aching neck cables. The metal beneath is warm with pain, but not unbearable. 

“Then we find ourselves at an impasse.” Megatron’s stare bores holes straight to your spark.

“So we do.” You shrug, as if you could relinquish yourself of his gaze.

Megatron laughs then, humorlessly and clipped. His stare is a low glower, the type of piercing and forbidding better suited for a wicked animal than the mech you loved— love. His bond cackles cruelly at the word.

“Tell me why. After all that we experienced, all our trials and tribulations, all our toils and triumphs—” Megatron stalks like a pacing lion, then pauses so abruptly it gives you whiplash, “Why did you abandon me?”

— You see a gladiator beneath your window, your friend Orion Pax at his side, the two of them smiling grins that make you equal parts nervous and dauntless, Megatronus saying, Come with me, friend, we have a plan.—

“I already told you! I watched you change into something darker before my optics, become consumed, become… become…” Your mind frantically grasps for words and none fit, and you are rendered speechless and wordless again until, with horror, you ask, “How can you not see what you’ve become?”

Megatron does not answer, not verbally nor over the bond, and it’s then you truly have to come to terms with your reality and reconcile the past. 

“I thought you had love for me. I now know that I was deceived.” 

There was a time you loved Megatron— More than anything in the universe, when you both were far younger, more naïve, and things were different. Not better, obviously. You had met at the catalyst to the Revolution, when the unease and righteous anger of the under class imploded and burst the caste bubble. But it had been simpler: Long days of debating politicians, business magnates, nobles, and other close-minded bureaucrats, and even longer nights of replanning, reorganizing, and desperately invigorating your supporters when ideas of reform met deaf audials.

There were also rare moments when Megatronus and you lost yourselves in the quiet, tender aspects of a blossoming relationship. Progress has never been linear nor consistent, so throughout the early parts of the rebellion, when things were generally hopeless, it was easy to grow close for comfort.

Megatronus was intelligent, engaging, and charismatic. His drive to end the decrepit caste system on Cybertron showed you parts of him that were empathetic, angry, and even scared. He was also a mighty gladiator, so when he admitted his fears to you, it was beyond meaningful. You were given access to that heavily guarded spark of his, allowed to see the sensitive mech hidden within, the one that later proposed sparkbonding to you.

And you suppose Optimus loved Megatron too, and his fault is that he still does too much for him to let go. He may have all the wisdom of the Ancients, all the knowledge of the Primes, but he still has Orion Pax’s stupid, unshakable hope.

“Stop it.” Megatron says out loud, and you come to the realization he’s been sensing your melancholic nostalgia across your now open bond— And that you’ve begun to cry, coolant tears drawing rivers down your faceplates. He glares at you, servos flexing into tight fists and relaxing shakily. Air hisses from his vents as he shifts his armor plating in discomfort. He hates remembering just as much as you do. Hates seeing you weep.

“I did love you, Megatron. I believe I still do.” Your confession is quiet, and you must be an idiot too to still hang onto your love for your conjunx after all these eons of war, after everything he’s done. The difference between Optimus and yourself is that it isn’t hope that keeps you tethered to Megatron, but some intangible, senseless whatever that ties you to the idea of Megatron, the dream that your beloved Megatronus may one day return to you.

/I am still him. I have only just bettered him./

/No. My Megatronus died eons ago. You are an imposter possessing his body./

/You do not really believe that, do you?/

Shame brings your shaking servos up to your faceplates, hiding your tears behind them. Your processor fights to separate the image of Megatron from Megatronus and Megatronus from Megatron. The sound in your audials is like rushing water, faintly accompanied by a series of dull echoes, like rubble falling and falling...

“I lost you the moment you engraved that accursed symbol onto your chassis.” You bemoan, looking past your digits and at Megatron, at the sharp angles and harsh stare of the insignia on his chassis. You just missing the plume of dust that stems out from one of the caverns.

“I could say the same of yours.” Megatron replies bitterly, and he goes to say more, interrupted by the ground trembling, as if the Earth is grieving alongside you. For not the first time, you curse the Unmaker’s name for infecting poor, empathetic Mother Nature.

“Are you so jealous?!” You shriek, vocal processors high and shrill against the cacophony of noise in your audials, in your helm. Megatron regroups quickly, straightening his back struts and setting his broad shoulders, the perfect image of lordly crushing contempt.

“I did not intend on becoming so!” Megatron roars, the curl of his derma pulling his faceplates into an ugly, ugly snarl, “I was not destined for it! But you and Orion made sure that it became my fate.”

“Your own hubris made your fate.” You moan dolefully, anguished, stepping back as Megatron steps forward. You’re not sure if it’s the chaos of the situation or your pain that warps your perception, that makes the whole damned cave shake, but you’re not sure of anything anymore. Despair rolls off you in waves, and Megatron recoils from it, his bond slinking away like a cybercat back into the shadows that birthed it.

“Stop it.” Megatron hisses again, but you barely hear it over the sound of your own systems screaming at you, alerts informing you of an imminent drive crash, realizing too little too late that the stress, sparkache, anger, grief, and guilt of millennia has caught up to you. 

Megatron, despite blocking his bond, is hit with lashes of painful signals like a whip, his servos going to clutch his helm. Your spark is suffering, he opened the bond and now feels it too.

/STOP IT./

You do not.

Then there’s a grand and catastrophic sound of caves collapsing, of walls crumbling all around you, of the stony floor opening like the maw of a mountain god, and you fall.

Everything goes black and silent and still.

~ * ~ * ~

With a groggy start, your processors boot up and the immediate wave of white hot, steel sharp pain that hits you almost sends you into damage-induced stasis. Injury reports and survival statistics blare red and angry in your vision, alerting you to the widespread, lethal wounds you incurred in the sudden rockslide.

“You are awake.” Megatron speaks from... somewhere, and suddenly he is above you, and you are laying half propped-up by his lap. You aren’t sure how you got here, an unconscious diagnostic reveals that it’s been six Earth hours that you’ve been offline. The void in your chassis grows cold, your spark twisting with dread and confusion and...

There is a tell-tale sensation of Energon... leaving your body, pooling beneath you, slick and hot against your frame. Realization cuts swift and sharp through the haze. Experience tells you this isn’t a good sign.

“Did you pull me from...” The correct words escape you, your processor too busy sorting through the alarmed pain receptors, too busy with trying to operate properly as major Energon systems in your leg struts and abdomen give weak warnings. You realize that they shut down with extraordinary distress. 

“Yes.” Megatron’s reply is too soft, sounds far far away. He looks down at you— /When had I laid down again? / You’ve been in my arms for a breem./— and there’s something like pity in his optics, but it’s less sympathetic and more guilty. Coolant tears, that you hadn’t even registered clouded your optics, roll down the sides of your faceplates.

/You’re injured. I have nothing to help you./ Comfort, anguish, regret.

/I know. It’s okay./ Thankfulness, sorrow, forgiveness.

Your mind must be going— You recall the most random thing.

“Do you... remember when we... visited the Crystal City?” It’s harder to speak now, each word is forced out your dermas like your mouth is holding them hostage. Your glossa feels heavy— Strange, really, because the rest of you feels lighter than air...

“Yes.” Megatron repeats. The rumble of his voice sounds even more distant, like thunder far on the horizon. Wherever you both have ended up— /The depths of Earth./— it gets darker, less focused and more opaque. Megatron becomes an incomprehensible figure, and only his faceplates remain superimposed in your line of tunneling sight.

“It was so beautiful.” You whisper, recalling the spires of crystal diamond, the walls of glimmering mirrors, the streets paved in quartz and prisma-glass. Megatronus takes your servo in his, clawed digits wrap around yours, encasing you in warmth and gleaming silver. You smile a small, sad thing that doesn’t reach your optics. Looking into your conjunx’s, you’re glad to see them as blue as oceans. Then you blink, and they are red. 

“It was.” Megatronus agrees, and although he’s warm and his EM field tickles against yours, your pain receptors cut off abruptly, signifying the start of what approaches.

Death is a commonplace occurrence these days, far more so after the Well of Allsparks went dark and Cybertron fell with it. It’s something every remaining Cybertronian has thought of, Autobot and Decepticon alike, of what can extinguish their spark, of when that invisible force comes to move them.

It’s all whether to fight it, to run from it, or to embrace it. There was a time you thought of returning to the Allspark, becoming one with your Maker once again, with unease and fear. It used to scare you, though now nothing does. You’ve found comfort and gratitude in the belief that you’d see lost loved ones yet again, once you’ve moved out of your frame.

“I loved you. Once.” You say, optics flickering as your body begins to allocate energy to more vital, still hemorrhaging, systems, “I never... lied about that.”

“And I was foolish enough to allow you to. Then and now.” Megatronus leans in and your spark sings as he places a wonderful, tender, sorry kiss on your dermas. His mouth is rougher than it used to be, but less clumsy and more assured. You smile into the kiss, wanting it to never end, so Megatronus lingers.

/You’ve changed. Your dermas have changed./ Delirium, realization.

/As have you. As have yours./ Worry, acceptance.

“I am not frightened by my ending.” You whisper after Megatronus has parted from you, and across your bond you hear And you never have been but Megatronus’ mouth says, “As no good warrior should be.”

His servo tightens its grip, his dermas in a hard line, the bond laments Acceptance.

“I will… see you again.” You say on your last ex-vent, and Megatronus is sure it’s a statement rather than a question.

/When you summon me, I will answer./

And Megatron watches your optics flicker, then not come on again.

~ * ~ * ~

Megatron sits with your body for another breem, taking in the beautiful stillness of you as he feels your spark diminish from his.

He’d always heard that losing a conjunx is beyond painful, that there were cases back on Cybertron wherein those that lost their sparkmates often suffered and died with them. Megatron doesn’t feel that; The severance of your bond with him is agonizingly slow and recedes like a fire dying out, but it doesn’t leave him in pain. You’ve left him empty. Hollow.

Megatron looks at your servo he holds. It fits perfectly in his palm, but now you are cold to the touch. His spark shivers once in his chassis, and now it too feels cold. You are gone. You are not coming back to him, not as anything living— Not as his friend, his conjunx, not even as an enemy.

Megatron invites the anger inside him like a welcome friend, letting it swell up from his peds to his chassis to his mouth where it smolders on his glossa like a curse. Red optics blazing, he tosses his helm back and roars, the way he did when some victories in the Pits meant only that he was still standing, still alive, until the scratch in his vocal processors confirms it.

After digging and clawing himself out of yet another Earthen grave, Megatron breaches the surface to find it is raining. He wastes no time, transforms and flies into the thunder-gray sky, where teardrops of rain slide forlorn and sleek against the silver of his alt mode until he breaks the troposphere, then the stratosphere, and leaves the rain, and you, behind.

~ * ~ * ~

[lynn-vdg]

HALLO!!! Im Reading the jjk manga right now so just checking in because it has invaded my brain and rraaaaaaaah jjk jjk jjk… 😭 I BLAME U FOR THIS (I love jjk)

First of all, I LOVE THAT LAWYER SORCERER, he seems genuinely cool and he just reminds me of ace attorney tbh, Edgeworth if he was a jjk character FOR REAL

And this panel is also SO CUTE ONG.. YOU WERE RIGHT YES I AGREE WITH THE FACT THAT CHOSO IS THE BEST. Yuji deserves his brothers for realsies, THEY ARE BOTH AWESOME. And I keep seeing stuff saying how Todo VS Choso would go down, but I kinda think Todo would respect Choso (and ask for his workout routine MAHAHAH)

I’m even starting to get MY FRIENDS to watch it. DeterminedFanartist, aka my pookie 4evahs, IS ALSO WATCHING IT RIGHT NOW!!! My irl bruh called Choso “Cheese” and they ALL SIMP OVER GOJO. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY IRLS SIMP OVER GOJO IT IS CRAAZZZYY…

Maki’s power up WAS DESERVED and oh mah lord… I’m on chapter 202 AND KENJAKU WAS MANIPULATING MAH AMERICAN GOVERNMENT IS KENJAKU 2024 REAL?!?!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩 He’d be my president 🫡🫡🫡🇺🇸🇺🇸🏈🏈🏈🌎🌎🔫🔫🔫💪💪💪

About to read chapter 203 and… no… wtf like IT IS ALREADY STARTING OFF LIKE THIS. A “you will die” IN ANY MANGA THAT ISN’T STATED TO THE MAIN CHARACTER IS NOT GOOD NEWS…

Praying… praying right now I know EVERYONE is dying in this series but pllleaaseee GEGE LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING PLEASE PLEASE DON’T TAKE HIIIMMMM PLEASE NO NO NO PPPLLEAASEEE 💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭💔🥺🥺🥺😢😔😔😱😱😢😢😔😔😔😔

Anyways you weren’t lying when you said you were in your inactive arc, hoping you join me back soon DON’T LEAVE ME HERE MICHAEL MICHAEEEEEEELLLL 🔥🔥🔥🔥

I AM ALWAYS RIGHT! MY TASTE IN MEN IS IMPECCABLE! 😈 And yeah you”re SO RIGHT I fucking LOVE Higuruma (Miles edgeworth looking ass.) I don’t know how Gege always cooks so hard when it comes to characters 😩, Yuji’s and Choso’s relationship especially, HE’S THE COOK WHO COOKED UP OTHER COOKS 🙏 And i’m glad my jjk brainrot virus is spreading throughout the utmv/utc or whatever the flippio you call it at this point-

Also my fucking GOAT Maki out here destroying those dumbass sexists is absolute GIRL. BOSS. BEHAVIOR.

Ya better read up, cause in 3 weeks JJK ENDS. actually crazy but it’s true 😭 I miss it already….

Also, another suggestion, if you haven’t watched or read it is Jojo’s bizarre adventure 🤑, outside of part 1 which I dislike and part 3 which was boooooring, part 4 onwards is absolute peak, ESPECIALLY part 7 and 8 (sadly no anime for those yet 😔)

As for my inactive arc, i’ll try to revive more often, because i’ve actually just straight up been DEAD outside of looking at some random notifications I got, ALSO WHAT RLLY PISSES ME OFF IS WHEN I GET A NOTIFICATION ABOUT A SPECIFIC POST AND I CLICK ON IT AND IT JUST TAKES ME TO MY FEED, Like bitch I came to look at a specific post not search up that specific account and go through their posts 😭

As for why i’ve been dead eeehhh it’s mostly just I forgot a bit about Tumblr and started using Discord a whole lot more, not to mention i’m working on utc games 🤑 (Oh fuck, i’m in the money! I love money 🤑)

Now, my final question before I dump my doodles on you…

“Are you brainrotted because you’re 3dogbones, or are you 3dogbones because you’re brainrotted.”

I would post more doodles but there’s a 10 image limit 😭

[turbulentscrawl]

Any headcanons for Embalmer and Andrew? 🥸

Oh yes! I am systematically working my way through most of the characters ehehe. I actually think I need to do some situational writing for Aesop as practice, he was a little harder for me to pin down than the other characters I've done so far.

As always, feel free to send me requests if you like my stuff <3 these are fun to do before work ;;

Identity(V) Headcanons: Aesop Carl

-With my current knowledge of the characters, I think Aesop is one of the more dangerous people in the actual horror-story telling behind IDV…. But I’ve been filling these under the game/stageplay setup where the manor is an unescapable, endless game and no one actually dies for realsies…so we’ll ignore his murderous training and tendencies for now.

-That said, he’s still going to be a very difficult guy to get along with. Aesop is confirmed as autistic, and most of his related struggles fall into social categories. He does not typically enjoy casual touch or conversations about anything other than his work. In fact, the longer the conversation is, the worse time he’s having. If there’s a lot of people around too?? He’s McStruggling.

-It takes him a very long time to become genuinely comfortable and friendly with someone, and only then does he start to explore them beyond his comfort zone. Luckily, since everyone is stuck in this would-be purgatory, you’ve got nothing but time!

-One-on-one time is best for Aesop, and while you’re first getting to know him it’s recommended you do not initiate this unless he’s in a public space. He’s mentally prepared to be approached at those times. If you try to barge in on his quiet time or safe spaces before he clears you to do so, it’s only going to hurt his opinion of you.

-He most definitely has long-stints of going nonverbal. At times, the amount of conversation expected of him is too much and he just shuts down completely. If he’s pressed too much during these times he may fall to tears or lashing out. He may, however, be willing to write out any answers that are very important or time-sensitive.

-The trustworthiness of the living and the dead are flip-flopped in Aesop’s mind. When someone is dead, they are a resting summation of all their deeds in life. He learns about who people were through the clues they leave behind: their health, their scars, their effects, the company they receive at their funerals. He considers these things to be more truthful than whatever the deceased would tell or show him about themselves. The living, meanwhile, are all actors, just proxies for what they want to be rather than what they actually are. This is a large reason why he feels closer to the dead than the living.

-Aesop’s favorite love languages are a little difficult to pin down, but I’m going to say Quality Time is his number one—especially when you’re good with parallel play and keep things quiet. This will foster feelings of safety and comfort in relation to your presence! He also likes Words of Affirmation, but mostly in the form of letters, as he’s a little biased for them from all the times he’s nosed through a patient’s effects. Even when he’s head-over-heels (or as close as he can be, since I honestly get AceAro vibes from him) he leans towards written communication but could learn to trust verbal praise in smaller doses.

-When he’s very close with someone, he can learn to enjoy a good hug now and then, or lend them his shoulder to lean on, but he always prefers to keep his arms uncaged so it’s easier to pull away. Unwelcome physical contact feels like bugs crawling under his skin. It’s obvious when he’s had far too much of it because that sensation leads to twitching and spasming, like he’s trying to shake it out.

-He likes to read! His favorites are mostly nonfiction. Biographies (not autobiographies) and other works of an educational nature are preferred, but he has been known to pick up some poetry every now and again. This is due in part to not having finished school and thirsting for all the knowledge he wasn’t allowed.

-He treats learning about his loved ones like reading these books; they are a list of facts and stories to be memorized. Small exceptions to any major preferences can be confusing for Aesop to keep track of, but in general he is very good at committing people’s likes, dislikes, and histories to memory.

-He doesn’t really care to celebrate his own birthday, but likes to help others celebrate theirs. The kitchen is far from his preferred workspace, but he’s actually a decent baker when the situation calls for it. The cake decoration….well, he’ll leave that to someone else. But the cake itself will taste good!

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, episode 3 part 2, mostly as cried about to @hotasfahrenheit while watching, with random additions.

Part 1 here

I am going to perish. Look at these soft, happy boyfriends? (She says as though she is unaware of the looking kidnapping)

Look at Ming being a competent boyfriend!

Help:

I'm gonna cryyyy

Joe, please stop undervaluing yourself

Ming.

He bought you a present.

The correct response is "thank you"

I TAKE IT BACK, YOU DID GOOD BABY

He is so happy about that watch 😭

Oh, ffs

HE SAID NO YOU FUCK

Mia: I lost it but I was just reading a post earlier where someone was basically like "what if part of what's actually happening is Ming actively choosing Joe over Tong just like he loves that watch, because he doesn't have to have the movie star, he can have the normal guy too" and 😭😭😭

Me: NO LISTEN

"I can like something normal"

While looking at Joe -- who constantly devalues himself and accentuates his normal-guy-ness -- with full heart eyes

Ming doesn't want a political marriage and to run the family business!

He wants a little house and a quiet life that he gets to choose

He wants *Joe*, specifically

And this is him telling Joe that! That even if he's not "special" (lies, Joe is incredible) he is still valuable, and loveable, and Ming still values him (in his fucked up little emotionally repressed gremlin way, BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT!). This is Ming looking at Joe and telling him outright "why can't I like you". The way he's looking at that watch? It's the same way he looks at Joe

Ffs I want to throw myself into traffic

May, no.

Let him say no

No one at this table is happy or comfortable

THEY WERE SO HAPPY A MINUTE AGO 😭 MING WAS GOING TO GIVE JOE THE MUGS 😭

Oh, I hate it so much more when it's Ming saying "stand in" than when someone else says it, and that already hurts my feelings so much

"I didn't know you were so close", bitch, you saw them making out in the bathroom, shut the fuck up

SOL TO THE RESCUE AND MING IS SO MAD ABOUT IT

Sol:

Ming, you already have so, so many problems, baby, please stop gulping down that wine

(I mean, I geddit, Tong sucks, but slow down)

May with the sister superpowers

May explicitly telling Ming that he should be with whoever makes him happy, after the shit show where they had to pretend to not be together is so necessary for Ming, but so ouch for me

He's smiling just *thinking* about Joe, help

Tong 100% knows Ming likes him, and asking him to stay to watch him propose to his sister is so unnecessarily cruel

Ming. You know he doesn't do his own stunts, come onnnn

My poor emotionally bereft baby

Baby, that is the back of the man you love-- like for realsies, not for safe emotionally unavailable reasons-- you should recognize him, but also you should not tear it into little pieces

Joe, put him on the floor in a blanket

Joe I'm so serious

It'll be good for him

Fine, fine, Mr Fancy Pants can get the couch

THE MUGS 😭😭😭

Oh no

The Realization

Ouch ouch ouch

No really, put him on the floor. It's better than he deserves right now

I'm losing my mind about this show

I knew it was going to consume my brain

[cartoonrival]

Wow that was quick and quiet. How was it. Were there any parts you liked. Any you didn’t. How do you feel about every character from su hating you

ok. so for anyone who doesn't know , the premise of kist is that yoon bum, who is sort of a loner pervert stalker freak, is obsessed w this guy he met once in the military (oh sangwoo) so he breaks into sangwoo's house because he's in love with him. but when he does this he finds a woman tied up in sangwoo's basement and sangwoo shows up and clonks him on the head then breaks his ankles so he can't leave. the story simultaneously follows sangwoo and bum's relationship as it morphs from a pretty basic kidnapper-kidnappee dynamic into something that would be love if it wasn't so much not that, and also a cop (yang seungbae) who is trying to catch a sangwoo but he's sort of disgraced so no one believes him. + porn is there also.

most of it was like ok..... i'm by no means unfamiliar with stories that are fucked up in a way that doesn't mean anything its just Did you see that shit? anyways im rod sterling. like considering i forked over the cash to watch terrifier 3 in theaters i am not the guy who thinks horrible plotlines need to justify themselves. so for the vast majority of the story it was just like .... it was vaguely interesting watching sangwoo and bum's relationship develop as sangwoo became less concerned that bum would try and run away and started to treat him less like a hostage and more like a lover (who is also a hostage). didn't care for the sex scenes because no part of me was reading the story for sexual reasons i was reading it to watch something fucked up happen. so bum's waifish appearance and behaviors were really starting to piss me off. but we persist.

as i mentioned in my halfway post, i DID find seungbae's perspective somewhat interesting because it let me view sangwoo from a perspective other than bum's terrified but smitten one. which i think those povs work best in tandem. the story would be boring if it was just one or the other.

a little background first for the insane twist that made me start posting for realsies: sangwoo's father was abusive, and he drove his mother into madness. his father died of poisoning by pills cooked into his food, it's unspecified whether sangwoo or his mother was responsible for this directly but even if it wasn't by his own hands sangwoo feels responsible. in the absence of his father, sangwoo's mother starts referring to and treating sangwoo (who looks like his father) AS IF he WERE her husband. like she calls him babe not infrequently, stuff like that. this freaks him out. the fact that he looks like his father makes the irrational part of her hate him. he starts to suspect that she's been poisoning him, so he starts counting the pills so he can know if she's been putting them in his food. he learns that she has. she ties him up and almost kills him in the basement, but he manages to overpower her and kill her before she can kill him.

Now. first relevant detail is that sangwoo has been living in his childhood home this whole time. this detail is known from the start. he vaguely references not wanting to be abusive in the way his father was throughout the story, but you aren't fully told what exactly led to the deaths of his parents until later. the point when you DO learn is after sangwoo and bum have gone on a series of outings together, with strange but seemingly innocuous details-- sangwoo buys them apples and seems strangely familiar with the stand theyre sold at, he has bum wear weirdly specific outfits (the main outfit being a striped shirt and long black skirt).

then, as backstory details about sangwoo are being revealed, you slowly realize that sangwoo has been REENACTING MOMENTS BETWEEN HIMSELF AND HIS MOTHER, WITH BUM AS THE STAND-IN FOR HIS MOTHER. HE HAS BEEN REENACTING THE MOST TRAUMATIC MOMENTS OF HIS CHILDHOOD. HE HAS BUM KILL THIS RANDOM GIRL AND TAKES HIM TO BURY HER IN THE SAME MOUNTAIN WHERE HIS MOTHER TOOK HIM TO BURY HIS FATHER. HE HAS BUM WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT HIS MOTHER WORE THAT DAY. there are more fucked up and uncomfortable instances of these parallels but i won't get into them because the specifics aren't necessary. the point is that bum is serving as a stand-in for sangwoo's mother, who mistook him for her husband and also tried to kill him. just a bizarre and insane revelation and the way it's revealed is honestly so effective. just repeated panels but this time it's his mother in the passenger seat type stuff. like WOAHHH OKAY.

and where it gets even crazier is that sangwoo starts becoming paranoid that bum is plotting to kill him like his mother was-- he starts counting the pills again and thinks bum has poisoned him when he accidentally spills them and miscounts. it's a bizarre role flip-- sangwoo is neurotic and terrified, and bum seems well adjusted in comparison. sangwoo steps on broken glass and CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE, putting HIM in the position that he'd put BUM in for the first portion of the story, the reason bum stayed long enough to get stockholmed to begin with. this break down and subsequent flipping of their roles is what made me sort of lose it. i genuinely enjoyed reading that portion, the reveal about sangwoo's mother and his breakdown afterwards.

the ending was honestly not much to write home about, lowkey dropped the ball a little. i think sangwoo and bum should've died in a double suicide situation. sangwoo did make bum promise that they would die together and that if sangwoo died bum would kill himself. sort of think they should've gone w that. but instead seungbae catches sangwoo and there's a freak incident and sangwoo ends up DYING in the hospital and bum is cleared of police suspicion in terms of being an accomplice rather than a victim. but then he goes sort of crazy about never being able to see sangwoo again (he already symbolically proposed to him but he wanted to give him a ring) and he goes crazy and then gets hit by a car and dies. lame! but it's fine.

tldr it was mostly mid and what you'd expect except for that one part which sort of knocked my socks off a little bit. but then it went back to being mid. i don't NOT get why it was popular and to be completely honest dressing up as sangwoo and bum would be like darkly funny if it wasn't for the fact that people see them as just like uwaa yaoi!!! instead of two really fucked up individuals who are like destined to die badly and stuff. i'm glad i read it but i don't recommend it. honestly having read it the "every character from steven universe will hate you" thing is even funnier like this isn't basic shitty toxic yaoi this is psychological horror. why do the characters in steven universe have an opinion on that. too funny.

[ashen-crest]

I am halfway through this garbage draft of ACC!! 39k of utter trash. 😌

Hoping to finish the second half in the next two weeks, then slow down and take on a chapter a day to dig in and actually for realsies write each chapter.

Right now, my garbage draft is a lot of stuff that looks like:

- Ambrose sighed and said I’m sad

- Eli: I can get you cookies from [X food stall]

- Ames; no that’s ok. He walked to the thing and sat

Word-vomit dialogue, placeholder text, absolutely no proper punctuation, grammar, or spelling. It’s all there just to make sure I’m jotting down the micro-structure of the scene, clearing out lingering plot holes, and testing the structure of my post-alpha reader outline.

Once I get to the end of it and am happy with the shape of the story (gods, finally) THEN I will finally go in and make it read like an actual book that is hopefully nice to read.

And then it will go to my line editor 🫣 then back to me for revisions, then to my proofreader 🫠 then back to me again for the final polish and read-through.

[ctimenefic]

this is not like a complaint or anything but i find it so fascinating that i've read maybe 5 different galex fics in the past 2 months where alex is dead/killed but maybe only 1 where george is the dead one. why do galex writers love to kill alex let my man live 🤧 (ofc not including three's a crowd which is a masterpiece and a subversion of the trope where we REVIVE alex)

is murdering your beloved blorbo not the sincerest form of desire?

Okay, I actually hadn't noticed this, dear anon, but it's a really interesting point!

In my defence i would like to argue the living and the dead also has a revived Alex (yeah okay fair point I killed him first) and stuck-in-production-hell James Bond AU has a deliciously dead George. Like mmm, the details on that one are so yummy 😋

For realsies I think it may be the shock value. Alex is such a gloriously alive human being - bike accidents can't get him, appendicitis can't get him, surprise allergies to common anaesthetics can't get him, not to mention the Williams car and its yearning for the walls. Killing him is a stunning blow. It subverts expectations.

Whereas George can often look like a Victorian urchin about three coughs from expiring piteously (this is less true since the curls and tan glow up, but now he poses like a Renaissance martyr, with all the implications that has). Keeping him alive is extending his suffering, and I for one am in favour of this.

But I pledge to kill George more from now on. Let's make Alex survive him and grieve, it'll be fun!

[ebonysplendor]

Perfect Love: Milo Change -- TS4 Edition

This is totally not becoming a Perfect Love fan page ^^;; I swear I'll shut up about this game after today...

...ANYWAYS! Show and tell time!

So, I made the Milos in The Sims 4, so that's cool, I guess!

Introducing OG Milo Change, "Deceive, defame, and deny" Milo, and "Always choose violence" Milo.

Peep the eye colors though; red for violence, blue for manipulation

This is pretty much it, but it you wanna see me ramble more and/or the other pics, you can keep going :)

Okay, so hear me out. I think these actually came out pretty okay?

First off, it's very hard for me to make faces. What I mean by that is, usually, whenever I recreate characters in The Sims, I find a base "face" and then I edit it. I can dress them, sure, but the "genetics" part kill me; I can't recreate a face to save my life, and I absolutely rely on other simmers for that. That being said...I was on my own this time, so just ignore the faces altogether if they look off, even though, this time around, I think I did pretty okay.

Now, I do feel like I did pretty damned good on the wardrobe, especially for my "always choose violence" Milo; that one was my favorite, and he came out pretty close to the actual sprite, which was a big "yay" moment. At least, I think it did. Am I being delusional or overly critical...? I'm not sure lol. Like, I'm not trying to drag myself but I def do not want to overhype myself because these probably could've been better, but I honestly don't know, like... how to make it better. Whatever though, I did it for funsies, and now, I have the option to put them in one of my playthroughs, which is super exciting.

Now, admittedly, I'm peeved that I couldn't find exact clothing, and that's my toxic trait when trying to recreate a character in sims. For some reason, if I can't find the exact clothes and/or hair, it throws the entire thing off for me. It's not as bad when I can find something relatively close, but if it's not pretty much it, it bothers the living hell out of me. That's just a thing with me, for whatever reason, and that being said, why, oh why, could I not find a damned jacket with the sewn on patches and why could I not find an accessory hoodie for the guys? I have a shirt with an eye on it. It killed me not to use it, but I used what was the closest.

Anyways, enough rambling and trying to explain myself. Please either enjoy or criticize these Milos that I made to feed my obsession for this game.

Big preesh for checking this out, brah.

Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around!

Until next time~!

p.s. Just in case you were wanting to play it, or you somehow stumbled upon this and was wondering what game I was talking about, here's a link to the Perfect Love visual novel. If you just so happen want to read my review and see me absolutely foam at the mouth over this game, here's a link to that as well.

Okay, I'm leaving for realsies now. Lol later~!

[doodle-do-wop]

Lowkey you aren’t a good person

I was gonna ignore this because I highkey don't give a fuck babes✌️🤪😂😂😂😂 Do you see any flying monkeys carrying my fucks to give because I sure don't. Elphaba do you see the monkeys?!🙊

like Okay???? whatever??? say this off of anon so I can ignore you better

I'm not for everyone babes and I don't promote myself to be but also like you're just some sleemo wearing sunglasses with zero guts to say it to my face like a real person. If you're gonna make a statement, stand on business don't crawl to my ask box you roach

I don't have to 'prove' that I'm a good person to pests. Cause unlike you who spends time on anon saying nonsense I've got friends I adore and can brainrot with while showing them this lame anon ask and laughing. I'm living my best life, you're gathering dust in an inbox, we are not the same

lmao like what were you even expecting? Omggggg!!! 🤩🤩🤩✨thx for noticing XD, 💖i like, would've never guessed ✌️🤪😘

get outta here dog

what gave it away?:

liking keeper of the lost cities (full of red flags right there, total bad person behavior🚩)

reading (ugh how scandalous, we should go back to illiteracy)

drawing (HARD PASS! who even needs art am i right guys?)

drawing hot guys to feed the fandoms im in (how dare I, one with a knack for creating scrumptious looking guys feed a fandom art!!! the audacity!!! (dont worry yall I swear I'm working on gethen))

being funny (comedy isnt even real)

supporting my friends (come on heather chandler get it together)

listening to music (RED FLAG!!)

liking Percy Jackson and the Olympians (ugh a MALE protagonist?!)

liking Gallagher Girls (ugh a FEMALE protagonist?!)

supporting Alina Lavanza (women aren't allowed hobbies such as being hot, sexy, power hungry, or singing)

dancing (tsk tsk tsk)

saying Sophie's birthday is August 16 (she's clearly a resses pieces rising moon star!)

wearing shoes (HARLOT!!)

not wearing shoes (WENCH)

burping (THE HORRORS!!!!)

I had my fun but for realsies now: LMAOOOO GIRL BE FFR WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE 🤣🤣😚 stay mad girly poo

[remedyturtles]

Hi. SO. I just read your newest fic, the human au one, and may i just say....

HOLY SHOT I AM PHYSICALLY IN PAIN MY GOD I AM HURTING SO MUCH LIKE FOR REALSIES

im not much for crying, but there were at least 5 distinct moments that make me full body heaving SOB, like i was reading the fist 1/6th or so in front of my family and then had to retreat so I could finish it in peace.

I know I'd be curious so the 5 parts were

1.) when mikey found Leo outside of Splinter's door and LEo couldn't hug him back so then Mikey hugged twice as hard. yeah that part had me weeping.

2.) When I realized that Leo was really giving up on Basketball, oh my god I had to take a lap my stomach physically hurt thinking about him being in that position and slowly realiizng that he did it to himself I was crying into my little turtle plushie just crying my god

3.) When the family had the little meeting after he offered Mikey the comics, I needed to take another quick little lap because they care about him so much and he can't even see that but they care so much and I just hurt so much for this poor boy

4.) When Raph said something about having a secret group chat MY GOD I literally had to close my laptop and go stim for a second like CAN YOU IMAGINE if they did have one, even one that was well meaning like in death wish just to talk about updates on his condition, if he discovered one that wa even well meaning it would have absolutly broken him

5.) When splinter immedietly ran to him during the reveal like oh god i think i literally just ugly sobbed into my pillow they love him so much good lord-

there was definitly more but those are the only ones i can think of off the top of my head. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I adore all of your fics so so much, I literally have a printed copy of death wish from my friends as a christmas present because i talked about it so much and all of your works just mean so much to me, you are quite literally my favorite author, period. not even favorite fic author, just favorite author.

But yeah, i wanted to make a special trip out to tumblr because you are truly my favorite fic author and to say thank you. I have struggled with a similar situation to Leo's before, unfrtunatly from tenagers and adults, and i struggle with a lot of the things that leo had on his list as well. the anxiety stomaches were also incredibly relatable and i just need to stop because ive been rambling for a while now, but just. thank you. this fic was incredible, much like all your others. thank you so much, i really needed something like this right now. thank you.

WAGHHGH im so glad u enjoyed i loved writing it

omg love that you have a copy :D and AKWAJGH i am incredibly flattered dude thank you so much???? cheers!!!

[thebookofeibon]

a sweeter alternative

Rating: T Chapters: 1/1 Words: 6868 Fandom: Ensemble Stars Ships: ReiKao Relevant "tags": blood time. uh sex mentions and allusions i don't write it though i'm not at that comfort level yet.

“You know how he uses it in place of blood?” Kaoru kept his eyes on Rei, catching Adonis’s nod in the corner on his eye. “Well the past couple of months, it hasn’t been doing the job.” “Huh? What do you mean past couple of months?” Koga eyed Rei. “He’s been drinking twice the amount he usually does, he’s been drinking different brands, and he’s still slow as if he’s low on energy.”

i'll add squidgeworld link when i post to there

for now u can read under the cut!

i suppose i can start putting my notes here in the mean time. uhhh this one's been in the works since october, just chipping away at it here and there. idr what the inspo was i think i just wanted to address the vampire thing.

his vampirism works how i want it to work bc it's a disability and i am also disabled and that's that. idc that vampirism isn't real

this is in my little series i had on ao3 where they live together in an apartment and i don't know the timeline for realsies i'm making shit up. this is actually the first one in the series to not have a pinocchioP title and it's bc. i couldn't find one. what can i say he doesn't have any vampire songs. the vocaloid vampire song also didn't fit but it was the working title of this.

i'll also make a page for this series on this blog since. gestures to no longer using ao3

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rei-kun.”

“Mmm.”

“Don’t ‘mmm’ me, you heard exactly what I just said.”

Rei doesn’t answer, entirely pissing Kaoru off. “You have had two large containers of tomato juice this week and you’re still falling asleep in random places. It’s not working the way it used to.” Rei’s grip on his pillow grows tighter as he really pushes the limits his face can go into it. “It’s 8pm, and I’ve been trying to wake you up for almost two hours.” He walked over to the bed to take the pillow, only to find Rei’s resistance to be much stronger than it should be. “This. Has been happening. For two months!!!” He tugged at the pillow with all of his might, though he really couldn’t get anywhere with it. “You need blood!” A final tug that still resulted in nothing causes Kaoru to let go, huffing as he caught his breath. “I don’t pretend to know your condition, but I fear that staying strictly with tomato juice isn’t going to work anymore!”

Rei stayed with his head buried in the pillow, only letting out a groan in response.

“You’re acting like a child.”

Rei mumbled a response into the pillow, completely inaudible.

“I can’t hear you.” A beat. Two. “You are impossible.” He huffed, walking with a little too much force out of the room.

Only when he was sure Kaoru was out of sight did Rei lift his head to look out into the living room. He frowned, eyebrows scrunched together in…it’s not anger, it’s not disappointment, dismay?

He didn’t really want to accept that Kaoru was right. Rei has known for a few months now that something was wrong with his juice intake, but he’d hoped that it wasn’t obvious, and it hasn’t really been to the kids. But Kaoru? Of course he’d figure out, it was dumb to even entertain the idea that the man he lives with and sleeps next to wouldn’t notice something was wrong. He laid his head sideways on the pillow, still looking out into the hallway. He was still tired.

He even tried changing brands, thinking maybe his default brand was the problem, but after trying all the ones available on the market, something else that Kaoru for sure would’ve noticed, he also began to come to the same conclusion.

This vampire does need blood to survive.

He began questioning family members after the first month, especially those he knew took alternatives for blood. But he didn’t receive answers he liked.

“Yeah, it stopped being viable after I turned 25, like its good when I’m in a pinch but I don’t rely on it anymore”

“I stopped relying solely on tomato juice when puberty hit, it’s still my primary source but I do need actual blood every other month to be at top shape.”

“There’s no alternative that’ll provide you accurately with the amount of iron our bodies need. As an idol, I’m surprised you’ve made it this long before realizing the faults in your juice alternative.”

Rei’s brought out of his head by the sound of a loud “clink” on the bedside table and he looks up to spot Kaoru, placing a full glass of tomato juice on the bedside table.

“Decided to show your face after all?” Kaoru teased, ruffling Rei’s bed head.

“You just said the juice isn’t working.” Rei grumbled, eyeing the damned glass. He hates this brand, he’s learned. Too sugary for his tastes.

“Well, you have a whole thing still and you’re fighting this theory so it's the best I can do.” He shrugged and walked out again.

Rei watched him with a scowl. “Come back here.”

Kaoru turned his head back pensively. “Hmmm? Does his wicked highness finally see fit to have my offering?” He turned around with a grin and a bow.

“What’s wrong with me just wanting to have you near?” He didn’t let up on his scowl. “Senior year you would be appalled by this behavior.”

“Hmmm? Why are you so caught up with how senior year me would feel? This is nothing! What senior year me would be devastated by is the amount of time we spend making out. Or how much sex we’ve had.” Kaoru smiled as he walked back into the bedroom. “Seriously Rei-kun! My one time of being pissed off at you for biting me has been waaaaay overshadowed by how many times you have given me head in the last, what? Four years? Since that whole ordeal.”

Rei buried his face again by the end of Kaoru’s ramble, burning red ears all that’s visible of his immodesty. He was right, technically speaking. High school Kaoru is at this point a different person than his current partner, that Kaoru would faint if he even knew they lived together.

“Honestly, Rei-kun?” Kaoru was next to his ear suddenly, causing Rei to jump and look over to catch the smug grin spreading across his tan skin. “I think it’d be suuuper hot if you took my blood during sex.”

“Gross, did talking about my mouth get you horny?” Rei pushed Kaoru’s face away and reburied his own.

“Hmmm? You act like you’ve never thought about it~.” He can hear the grin he still has. Hands grasp at his shoulders and begin to rub. “Like you don’t linger when giving me hickeys, or when you can’t help yourself and still bite slightly too hard.” He pressed harder into the knot Rei had there, the vampire letting out a moan.

“You almost sound like you want me to feed on you for your pleasure more than my well being.” He grumbled into his pillow.

“I can bring up non-sexual examples too~” Another tight push against Rei’s shoulder has the vampire letting out a small whimper. “Whenever we cuddle, you always nuzzle into my neck at least once. In fact, it’s more rare that you don’t immediately bury your face into my neck. I’m always thinking, wow, I feel super vulnerable with how close his mouth is to my neck!”

Rei whined into his pillow, half in embarrassment, half in pleasure from the massage. He turned his head so he wasn’t talking into it anymore. “Really? Always?”

Kaoru laughed. “So you don’t even do it on purpose?”

“No!”

“When I wear my turtlenecks, sometimes I catch you staring at my neck when I move in a way that exposes more skin.”

“Kaoru-kun, this is embarrassing me. I’m going to cry. Do you want me to cry?” He pouted, holding back a whine when Kaoru removed his hands from him. “Why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?”

“Not drink my blood.” The pillow Rei had been attached to this whole time quickly left his hands and collided with Kaoru’s face.

-----------------------------

It was a bad day from the minute Rei woke up, but they had an important media interview today so he really pushed himself to get out of bed and face the day.

Honestly? It’s been a bad week for the vampire. With no real reason for his energy to be completely depleted, he understood what it meant. He really didn’t want to admit it though, he really didn’t want to have to rely on blood.

“Hey, Rei-kun.” Kaoru nudged at him on the couch, gaining only a groan from the vampire. “I know you’re tired, let’s try and get some food in you before we have to go.” Rei opened his eyes at that, already concerned.

“What time is it?”

“Really? It’s only been 20 minutes since you woke up.”

“…Really?” He almost wanted to cry at that, it’s felt like an hour.

Kaoru frowned at him. “Seriously…I know it’s an off day for you but even that’s a little concerning. Come on, let’s go eat.”

They stopped at a diner nearby that Kaoru likes, ordering something small each with some coffee. Coffee doesn’t usually work on Rei unless he’s really lucky, but it’s the thought that counts here.

“Oi-hey! No falling asleep.” Kaoru tapped on Rei’s plate with his fork to make noise, startling Rei from what he supposed was dozing. “Finish eating, maybe that’ll keep you awake.”

He stared down at his half-eaten omelette with a frown, picking up his fork again. Every little bit helps.

“We’re here, wake up.” Kaoru nudges Rei awake again. The cab had come to a stop and Kaoru was in the middle of paying her. Rei seemed to be only capable of frowning today, mainly at himself. Kaoru glanced to him, offering a smile as he started to push Rei out the door.

“This is the fourth time in the last two hours he’s fallen asleep.” Kaoru sighed. “I know I shouldn’t complain, it’s out of his control, but it’s really frustrating today.” Rei blinked his eyes open, watching Kaoru and Koga talk in the waiting room outside of the recording studio.

“Maybe once he gets talking he’ll stay awake.” Adonis shrugged beside Rei on the couch. “Oh, good morning Sakuma-san.” He smiled at him, and Rei couldn’t help but return the smile.

Kaoru sighed again, much more audibly than before. He dug into his bag and pulled out a juicebox, tossing it to Rei. “Please, this is just an hour and a half, Rei-kun.”

Rei fumbled to catch the juicebox, but he did nonetheless, and he carefully detached the straw and stuck it into the top. “I’m sorry, you know I’m not usually this bad…” He sipped slowly on the box.

“The weather’s kinda whack right now, more than usual, s’probably what’s affecting you.” Koga crossed his arms. “Plus the thing you were complainin’ about the other day with your juice.” He gestured at him with his chin.

“Yeah…” Rei deflated a bit into the couch, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

“What’s wrong with your juice?” Adonis tilted his head.

“You know how he uses it in place of blood?” Kaoru kept his eyes on Rei, catching Adonis’s nod in the corner on his eye. “Well the past couple of months, it hasn’t been doing the job.”

“Huh? What do you mean past couple of months?” Koga eyed Rei.

“He’s been drinking twice the amount he usually does, he’s been drinking different brands, and he’s still slow as if he’s low on energy.” Rei tried to shrink down as much as he could in the couch, trying to avoid eye contact. It’s embarrassing. Kaoru tutted. “You are so annoying sometimes.”

“Then…are you saying he needs blood?” Adonis tilted his head.

“Exactly. And he’s refusing to take any.”

Koga clicked his tongue, then finally brought his eyes off Rei to look at Kaoru again. “We can’t really force him.”

Kaoru kept his eyes on his partner however. “…No, I suppose not.”

“UNDEAD?” A woman’s voice called out, breaking the tension. “We’re ready to get you guys set up.”

-----------------------------

Rare, these days, for Rei to turn down showering with Kaoru when they got home, and with how his health has been, he really should’ve taken the opportunity to share the shower with him. But he wanted time alone to think.

He’d really been trying to ignore it, not even out of pride really. He’s grown accustomed to admitting when he needs help. He has friends willing to accommodate his needs and he couldn’t be more grateful for them because of it.

It’s not pride, it’s…arrogance. That’s it. The refusal to admit that he’s wrong. It’s been several months now, at this point the tomato juice hasn’t been helping longer than it has this year. It’s at least worth a try now to take blood, no matter how little he actually wants to do it.

It partly has to do with Kaoru’s refusal that Easter, the fear of hurting him always at the back of his mind, but a lot does have to do with how he just doesn’t want to drink blood. He’s trying so hard to be human, he’s doing everything he can to be human. Drinking blood is not a human activity!

And he hates the taste of it!!! That’s why he settled with tomato juice, because it actually tastes good!!! Why should he have to do something he can’t even-

“Your turn.” Kaoru walked past Rei brooding on the couch and ruffled his hair, drawing him out of his thoughts for the moment. He looked up, lifting his head out of his hands, just when had he slouched over? He probably looked just as crazed as he felt. “Don’t think too hard in there, you might overheat.” Kaoru smiled.

Rei huffed a laugh, relaxing his shoulders a bit. “Yeah, of course.” He stood up with a few joint cracks and began to walk up the bathroom-

“I’m serious though. Try to sit while you’re in there, and leave the door unlocked, okay?” Kaoru dropped his smile. Ah, alright.

“Mm, of course.”

The shower was nice, he supposed, though it would be quicker to stand, sitting at least gave him time to think again. He really could just ask. It doesn’t need to have some special occasion. Though it’s kind of embarrassing at this point to admit defeat, after being urged to do this from family and friends for so long now. And again, sometimes just the smell of blood was enough to upset his stomach, thinking about the smell is even-

A trail of blood running down the drain with the water appears and it startles him, jumping back a bit to try and locate where the bleeding is coming from, knocking some bottles down in the process. He lifted a hand to his face and sighed as he drew it back. A nosebleed. Okay, sure, this might as well happen.

The bathroom door opened a crack. “You alright?” Right. The noise.

“Yea-” A cough, “Yeah I’m fine- Nosebleed.” He breathed in, head going light. “Could you come turn the water off, dear.” He lifted a hand to his head. A vampire who can’t even look at blood, how inane.

Kaoru opened the door further and walked in, opening the curtain on the side closer to the valve to shut it off. “Are you alright?” He asked again.

“A bit lightheaded is all, mind getting me some tissues?” He did his best to keep his head tilted downward until Kaoru pulled the curtain back, sitting on his knees, with a few tissues in hand. Instead of letting Rei take them from him, he instead reached in himself to block the nostril the blood was coming from.

“I told you not to think too hard.” Kaoru laughed, using his other hand to cradle Rei’s head. Rei leaned into his touch instinctively, doing his best to keep his head lowered. “It’s hot in here too, were you trying to instigate a nosebleed?” 

Rei glowered at him, taking a deep breath in. It was a joke, he understands, and Kaoru simply chuckled at the stare. He pulled the tissue away momentarily to assess the bleed, then quickly repositioned it to a cleaner area to hold against the nostril again. Rei sighed, his health was never going to be easy, was it?

-----------------------------

Rei lie on his back on the bed, shirtless as he didn’t want to risk staining any shirts, fingers interlocked over his chest as he stared up at the ceiling, wad of tissue paper plugged up his nose to get the remaining blood taken care of. Kaoru entered the room after a few more minutes, bringing with him some tart slices that he had bought earlier that day.

“I got one for both of us~! Recovering from a shower nosebleed seems fitting time to eat it!” He smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. “Usually eating in bed is against our rules but what’s the harm in bending this once?” He set the plate down on his lap and patted the spot next to him. “Come, sit.”

“…I…” Rei squinted with tightly knit brows, not looking away from the ceiling.

“Hm?” Kaoru was already picking up his slice to eat.

Rei stayed silent a moment before finally shifting his gaze to Kaoru. It softened when he saw how content he was with the bite he’d taken, a small smile stretching across the blond’s lips that he probably didn’t even notice he had. He opened his mouth again, then closed it when nothing came out and turned back to the ceiling.

Kaoru’s head tilted. “Babe, I’m not a mind reader, and if I was, your’s would be impossible anyways.”

“…” Rei turned his head completely away, embarrassed just a little. “I need blood.” It was quiet, small, not meant to leave this one piece of furniture. He refused to look in Kaoru’s direction. He could already feel his gaze on him and he wasn’t really keen on the teasing that would follow.

But there wasn’t a verbal response, he heard some movement, likely Kaoru setting the plate down, then felt the bed move as slowly his light was obstructed. Kaoru’s hand landed next to his head and he frowned, still refusing to look up at him.

“You open yourself up to me and yet refuse to look at me? You wound me, Rei-kun.” Kaoru sighed. Using the hand on the opposite side of Rei’s face, he lifted Rei’s chin to face him upwards, smiling a little at the blush covering his cheeks, then frowned when Rei still focused his gaze on the wall. With a huff, he pulled his waist up further onto the bed and placed his legs on either side of the vampire, sitting down onto his stomach. “What’s a guy got to do to get even a glance, huh?” He scowled as he watched Rei’s gaze shift not towards him, but upwards to further avoid looking at Kaoru.

Rei’s hands fidget on his chest, unlocking themselves to tap idly without thought. Kaoru clicked his tongue watching them, evidence that Rei isn’t entirely spaced out from the moment. In one swift motion, they’re taken from their place on his chest and pinned above his head, taking Rei off guard enough to finally look back at him with wide eyes.

“There we go~ All I had to do was surprise you!” Kaoru grinned, releasing his grip on Rei’s hands to lean in and place a kiss on his lips. “I don’t like being ignored, you know~” To punctuate, he pulled the tissue out of Rei’s nose, only taking a moment to examine how fresh the blood on it was before tossing it to the floor.

Rei watched the tissue fall to the floor with a frown. “Gross.” He couldn’t help but laugh, though, when Kaoru tried to go in for another kiss. “Hold on, hold on.” He placed a hand in front of his face to catch Kaoru’s, laughing when Kaoru still tried to push through. “Down boy!” He jokingly raised his voice.

Kaoru grinned. “Down?” The glint in his eye was mischievous. Rei sighed as Kaoru took the hand placed against his face and laced his fingers with it. “Easy command~” He followed through and started to kiss down Rei’s neck, hovering when Rei’s laugh bubbled out.

“You’re going to agitate my nosebleed, then I’m going to get blood all over the bed.” He squeezed Kaoru’s hand, using his other to slide into his blond hair.

“Oh you’ll be fine.” Kaoru hummed as he trailed further down. “We have tissues in here if it comes back.” He paused at Rei’s collarbone, glancing up at him. “It doesn’t help when you’re encouraging me, either.” He smiled, free hand aimlessly wandering Rei’s chest. Rei grinned down at him, then gripped his hair and pulled back with enough force to pull him away. “Ah!” Kaoru laughed. “Hey!”

“As much as I’d like to continue,” Rei let go of his hair to dramatically drape his arm across his forehead and closed his eyes, “I am oh-so tired from losing blood-”

“Then take some of mine.” Kaoru narrowed his eyes playfully.

Rei opened his eyes to peek down to him again. “Aside from the tart, have you eaten recently?”

Kaoru blinked, then looked up in thought. “Uhh…”

Rei clicked his tongue with a smile. “No blood drinking tonight then, dear.” He lifted his arm off his head to cup Kaoru’s cheek. “Thank you for the offer, though.”

“Come on, we’re in bed, it’s not like I’m going to go on stage right after.” Kaoru pouted.

“No, you’re still wanting to fool around though, which is still quite a rigorous activity, don’t you think?” Rei’s thumb brushed against Kaoru’s lips, which only prompted the blond to open them and take the digit into his mouth. “Kaoru-kun.”

“We can always stop if it gets too much~?” Kaoru leaned down again to be just in front of Rei’s lips. “I can be the one resting?” He lowered his voice as he lowered himself to brush lips.

Rei ran over the options in his head, subconsciously wetting his lips. Their hands let go of each other, Rei’s landing on Kaoru’s thigh and Kaoru’s coming to Rei’s face to tip him far enough to close the distance.

He still wasn’t keen on the idea of drinking blood, thinking about the taste is almost enough to make him pull away from the warmth of Kaoru’s mouth in disgust. He could feasibly take only a little bit, work himself up slowly to drinking more over time. He slowly pushed himself to sit up, Kaoru taking the hint to help ease the transfer of positions. They parted from each other temporarily to allow Kaoru to lie down and Rei to climb on top of him, then came back to each other as quickly as possible. Rei shuffled his hips further down on Kaoru so he could trail down his neck with ease.

Were they not idols, in some other universe, Rei would love to mark Kaoru up as much as possible, he hesitated in one spot on his neck and debated if it was too high up to cover with a turtleneck before deciding it was. He moved lower before taking the skin in his lips. Not biting, not here. A sigh leaves Kaoru’s mouth as Rei’s hand travels up underneath his shirt. Makeup would definitely need to be used to cover this one, but it won’t be as noticeable.

“A bit high up, don’t you think?” Kaoru carded his fingers through Rei’s hair.

Rei took a moment longer before pulling away, using both hands now to pull Kaoru’s shirt up, which Kaoru obliged and lifted his arms to remove the article. “I just wanted to do that one.” Once the shirt was removed, he moved back to where he was and traveled further, pausing once again in a spot, but this time to try and gauge where to bite. “I’ll only take a little…I’m not exactly…fond of the taste.” He hovered around a general area around Kaoru’s neck and collarbone.

“Alright, fair enough.”

“Don’t be offended if I don’t like it.”

“You’re still human, I think it’s rather normal to dislike the taste of blood.”

The reassurance was nice, it was almost the push that Rei needed to dive in. He checked the pulse in one spot and took a deep breath in before pressing his lips to the spot, then lightly placed his fangs against it. It’s not like he hasn’t bitten Kaoru before, or drawn his blood from a bite either, but those were different. Those were just bites to bite, this is fairly common practice in any couple. This bite was different, this is…

Kaoru’s fingers slowly brushed through Rei’s hair and it almost made Rei laugh. Why is the guy getting blood taken from him in such a monstrous way more relaxed about this than the one taking the blood?

No, he can’t be anxious about this when he’s already poised to strike. With another deep breath taken through his nose, he bites down, incisors piercing through Kaoru’s unblemished skin. Kaoru lets out a grunt at the bite, fingers gripping somewhat tighter into Rei’s hair. It takes everything in Rei to stay biting and let the blood into his mouth.

It wasn’t as bad as he had been dreading, not necessarily good either, but he isn’t immediately repelled by the taste and texture. It tasted like blood, that’s for sure, but perhaps it’s the thought that it’s Kaoru’s blood that has Rei thinking that it has something unique to it, a sweetness that Koga and Adonis’s blood didn’t have. The indifference didn't last for much longer, however, as the texture on his tongue began to become too much for him to handle and he released Kaoru, licking the puncture wounds as he had been taught in the past.

He pulled away completely to look Kaoru in the eyes once he was sure the blood wouldn’t flow too much more. Kaoru looked at him with a smile, eyes only slightly distant. “Are you alright?” Rei broke the silence first.

“I am, I think if you had gone any longer I would’ve had a problem, though.” He chuckled. “Are you alright?”

Rei nodded, returning Kaoru’s smile. “I am…I’m sorry, I should’ve stopped sooner, I spaced out.”

“I thought you didn’t like the taste?” Kaoru clasped his hands together to rest on his chest, mirroring Rei’s earlier pose.

“I…didn’t really. But it tasted different than I thought it would.” Rei huffed, averting his gaze. “I was distracted by that thought for a moment longer than I should’ve been.”

Kaoru chuckled. “Perhaps the necessity of it is what changed your thought process?”

“Perhaps.”

“Rei-kun.” He unlaced his fingers and slid his hands to Rei’s thighs, Rei’s gaze coming back to him. Kaoru’s smile widened, eyes squinting. “Ready to resume where we were?”

Rei blinked, then grinned back at him. “Wasting no time at all, are you?”

Kaoru’s hands traveled up Rei’s thighs to his hips. “What can I say? You’re like, glowing right now, and it’s kinda hot.”

Rei chuckled, then leaned back down to kiss him.

Kaoru doesn’t tell him that he still has blood on his chin, and when Rei’s nosebleed does come back a few minutes later, it covers up the prior blood when it leaks onto Kaoru’s face mid-kiss, making Kaoru laugh. They absolutely have to clean the sheets after this.

-----------------------------

It’s immediately apparent the next day at practice that Rei was feeling better. He was more energetic, more aware, more talkative. Koga and Adonis didn’t comment on it until Kaoru entered the practice room late after leaving his badly scheduled photoshoot and changed to a t-shirt, revealing just enough of his neck that the bite marks are visible.

Koga almost growled at him. “Why do you need to wear a collar that loose?”

He grinned. “It’s easier to practice choreography in loose clothing, isn’t it? Besides, don’t I usually wear shirts like this to practice?” He started his warm up stretches, eyeing Koga.

“So you let Sakuma-san take your blood?” Adonis chimed in to try to break up the tension.

“Mhm~ Though it’s more like he let himself take my blood.” He switched to a new stretch as he talked.

“That’s good.” Adonis smiled and looked over to Rei. “You seem a lot better.”

Rei returned the smile and began to start talking when Koga cut him off.

“Should Hakaze-san even be at practice today then?” He said it almost accusatory, pointing with his thumb over to him.

“He didn’t take a lot.”

“Mm, as Kaoru-kun says, I only took a small amount to ease myself into drinking blood. As you know, I don’t like the taste.” Rei nodded. “But yes, even that small amount did make me feel much better than I have in a while.”

“What made you decide to do it finally?” Adonis had shifted onto the floor to help Kaoru with his last stretches.

Rei hummed, closing his eyes in thought. “I am tired of feeling so weak. Kaoru-kun had me sit in the shower last night because he was worried I’d faint standing up and hurt myself. Then when I was in there, I got a nosebleed that usually wouldn’t be a problem, but since I’ve been this way, it nearly knocked me out.” He opened his eyes. “I need to do what is best for my body, I suppose.”

Adonis nodded. “I understand, I’m glad you feel better then, even if it requires doing something you don’t like. It’s like taking a medication with a bad taste.”

“Exactly, Adonis-kun.” Rei smiled.

Kaoru stood up with one last stretch. “And with Rei-kun feeling better, we should get on our practice, hm?”

“Agh, yeah we need to catch you up.” Koga groaned. “Alright. We’re moving on then.”

-----------------------------

As spring began rolling in, it became harder for Kaoru to cover up the bite marks on his neck, and they weren’t exactly keen on flaunting their relationship so publicly since they’re idols, so problem solving began. Because of Rei’s vampirism, he was able wean himself off of taking from Kaoru as often as he was—which was only every other week, changing it to every three weeks—and was able to play off his new fatigue as a sun problem, which wasn’t entirely a lie either. Supplementing it with tomato juice offered some extra relief, even if it wasn’t as good as blood.

Thankfully, there are other places to get the best blood flow that also weren’t dangerous for Kaoru. In a pinch, Rei could go for the inner elbow as if he was a doctor, though it’s not easy to bite there. If he’s well aware of what clothing Kaoru will be wearing for the next week and a half, Rei can go for practically any spot that’s likely to be mostly covered.

But the best area that is a catch all for privacy and decency, they found, was the thigh, which unless for some reason Kaoru wanted to wear more revealing swimwear, was completely hidden. Unfortunately, this required proper planning ahead, as it wasn’t something they could do last minute in a public place by sneaking away for a few moments.

“I suppose it was only a matter of time before we had to start planning our sex lives out.” Kaoru laughed as Rei dragged him to the bedroom.

Rei snorted in response. “It doesn’t have to end with sex every time, dear. We watched a movie after the last time.” He lightly pushed Kaoru to sit on the bed. “Besides, we’re not completely scheduling that out, this would be an outlier.” He lowered himself to his knees and scooted towards Kaoru’s legs.

“I suppose you’re right.” Kaoru grinned down as Rei unbuttons his pants. Rei looked up at him as he slid the jeans down. “You’re so pretty.”

Rei hummed, slipping his fingers into Kaoru’s waistband. “I’m beginning to think all this is just a means for you to get off instead of a means of me getting energy.” He slid his underwear down, revealing both thighs, one of which was still very bruised from the last feed. He heard Kaoru laugh above him.

With his own teasing remark and the bruised leg in sight, Rei hesitated as he really took in the severity of the situation again. He rested his hands on the inside of Kaoru’s thighs as he sat back on the balls of his feet with a frown. A minute passed and then there’s a hand on his chin, tilting his head to eye level. He looked past Kaoru, unable to meet his eyes all of a sudden.

“This is for you, babe.” Kaoru moved his head to try and catch Rei’s gaze. “I’m playing it up a bit, I’m sorry if it came out serious.” He smiled.

Rei still avoided looking him in the eye, staring at his forehead instead, then looked back down to his bruised leg. “Perhaps we should bump the frequency down to once a month…” He mumbled. “Or drop it entirely for the summer…”

Kaoru frowned. “It’s your life, if that’s what you want to do, we can. I’m just concerned about your energy levels if we were to drop this entirely, you’ve been much more active since we started doing this.”

He couldn’t fight the claim, this is the most awake he’s been since before the war, it’s kind of nice, all things considered. The bruises are turning green as they get closer to healing. “I don’t know.” It was hard for him to admit, he’s so accustomed to having to know everything.

Kaoru watched him for a moment, then sighed, sitting up. “Come here.” He held his arms open. “Let’s rest today, then. We have no other responsibilities until tomorrow afternoon.” Rei stood up, wrapped his arms around Kaoru, and immediately shifted all of his weight on him, causing them both to fall back on the bed. “Whoa!” He laughed, patting Rei’s back. “Hold on hold on my pants are still down-“

“Just kick them off.” Rei mumbled into the crook of Kaoru’s neck.

“Not when you still have pants on! The sensory problems I’ll have are chilling to think of!”

“Then take mine off.”

Kaoru laughed. “Fine!”

-----------------------------

As the weather cooled down again, Rei permitted himself to go back to two feedings a month, as Kaoru had begun to wear higher collars again. There was something about feeding from his neck that Rei didn’t have problems with like he had with the legs. Perhaps it was the cliche of it, or the intimacy, or the way it looks when he’s done.

It was frustrating to him how much he clearly needed the blood, life could never be simple for him. He pulled away from Kaoru with hesitation, watching the blood trickle down his collarbone for a moment. Kaoru’s hand in his hair ran through his curls lightly. It was the intimacy, he decided, that drew him more to the neck than anywhere else.

“Still find blood gross?” Kaoru whispered, not so much for privacy as they sat alone in the meeting room, waiting for their juniors, but more so from the lack of energy after having given it to Rei.

Rei licked at the wound, peppering light kisses around it. “A bit.” He murmured back.

“You’re not fooling me, you know. Perhaps you just like my blood~ I’m your exception now~.” With his other arm available now, he pat Rei’s back.

Rei chuckled and sat back, looking down at Kaoru’s face. “I didn’t take too much, did I?” He brushed some of Kaoru’s hair out of his face.

“I didn’t eat necessarily well today is all, no worries.” He let his arms fall to Rei’s thighs.

Rei idly fixed Kaoru’s collar to cover the bite, mainly to make sure it’s coverable. “And you let me drink from you? Bad Kaoru-kun.”

Kaoru opened his mouth to speak when the meeting room door opened, Rei quickly threw himself down next to Kaoru on the off chance it wasn't Koga and Adonis coming in. Koga paused at the door at the sound of Rei hitting the couch quite heavily.

“Should I be concerned?” He eyed them, watching Rei sigh.

“No, I was just being safe.” Rei smiled.

“You have blood on your chin, it wouldn’t have worked.” Koga sighed as he walked in, followed by Adonis, whose eyes widened at the sight. Rei bristled and lifted his sleeve to wipe at it, lightly slapping Kaoru’s arm.

“I wanted to see how far into the meeting we’d get before you noticed.” Kaoru grinned. “Thought it’d be funny.”

Adonis sat down across from them. “I fear it wouldn’t have lasted very long.”

Koga closed the door before sitting beside Adonis. “You two are disgusting.”

“You say that yet you haven’t complained about Rei not being active recently, so you have to pick~” Kaoru shot him a very cheeky grin.

“What is this, a game? I have 0 control over you freaks.” Koga scoffed. “You know, when you stopped flirting with girls I was glad because it made you less annoying, then you immediately began flirting with Sakuma-san-“ He squinted. “And you just dropped the honorific! Shameless!”

Kaoru cackled at his response, throwing his head back as his chest shook for a moment.

“Oh my, you did drop the honorific.” Rei smiled, a hand coming up to his face to try and hide his smile.

“Both of you! Disgusting!”

Adonis smiled, letting out a small chuckle before speaking. “As fun as this interaction is, we do need to discuss funding.”

Rei beamed. “Yes yes.” He clapped his hands twice. “Serious mode everyone!”

-----------------------------

Adonis and Kaoru left the booth to go to the bathroom while they waited for their food to arrive, leaving Koga and Rei sitting across from each other. Rei hummed a song he had been fine-tuning for the last week while watching the direction of the bathroom. He faded out his humming as he glanced to Koga, feeling the other’s gaze piercing through him. “What’s on your mind, Koga-kun?”

Koga bristled for a second before sighing softly. “Are you happy? With drinking blood?” He frowned. crossing his arms.

Rei blinked, turning so he could look properly at his friend. “What do you mean?”

He slanted his lips as he thought of an answer. “You hate blood. Is it worth the energy?”

Rei thought for a moment, humming softly as he did. “I wonder the same thing, sometimes.” Is what he comes up with. “It’s different, having all this energy again.”

Koga huffed. “I don’t really think that answers the question.”

Rei closed his eyes, picturing the image of blood running down Kaoru’s neck. A year ago it would’ve made him queasy to think about drinking it, but now he felt indifferent towards it. “I guess I just don’t have an answer. It’s complicated.”

Koga was quiet, glancing to the bathroom’s direction again. “If the two of you weren’t dating, would you still do it?”

That was something that hadn’t really occurred to him. Would he? He can’t even imagine another reality where he was in this situation and he wasn’t in a loving relationship with Kaoru. He thought then about the possibility of it being Keito, or Wataru, maybe even Shu or Kanata. In each scenario, he could see it happening so long as they loved each other. “Hm…” But then again, would Keito be willing? The other oddballs would be different for sure, each one of them would have a different relationship to the act of blood drinking that just aren’t the same. “No. I think I’m only okay with it because of our relationship.”

Koga hummed. “Okay.”

“Any other questions?” Rei watched him as Koga tapped his fingers against his opposite arm. “You’re still curious, I can tell.”

“…Hakaze-san is fine with it?”

Rei laughed. “He was begging me to drink his blood, actually.”

Koga’s lips twitched almost into a smile before he caught himself. “Okay. That’s all I wanted to know.”

Rei opened his mouth to respond, only to close it as Adonis sat back down next to Koga and Kaoru next to him.

“Still no food?” Kaoru sighed. “I’m sooo hungry.”

“You went to piss, there’s no way the food would’ve come out in such a short amount of time.” Koga barked, uncrossing his arms.

“A man can hope! You’re hungry too, right, Adonis-kun?” Kaoru looked to Adonis pleadingly.

Adonis blinked, then raised his hands in defiance. “I am, but he’s right, we weren’t gone long enough.”

Rei smiled, watching the three of them bicker. It was strange to think about how distant the four of them were during school, he couldn’t imagine a world where they went their separate ways after graduation. The possibility of that was so real at one point, but now he’s sure only death would separate them, both as a unit and as friends, and these days, Rei didn’t feel that impending doom as hard as he once did.

“Rei, I can feel you thinking.” Kaoru nudged him out of thoughts. “Anything of note?” He smiled.

Rei hesitated to answer, then shook his head. “Just having my regular old man musings~ Pay me no mind, Kaoru.” Even though he had practically been waiting to drop the honorific since graduation, it still felt strange coming out of his mouth.

“Hmmm, I’ll have to pick your mind later then~” Kaoru glanced at the others, grinning when Koga made a disgusted face at them. He opened his mouth to say something more before the waiter finally came with their food. “Oh sweet!”

Rei kept his eyes on Kaoru, only glancing up at the waiter to give him a smile as his food was handed over.

Yeah, there’s no one else he would ever consider relying on for this. The only reality he cares about is this one.

“Are you not hungry, Sakuma-san?” Adonis didn’t necessarily sound concerned though, he surely understood Rei’s hesitance. He looked over to Adonis, then shook his head.

“My apologies, I was still caught up in my thoughts.” He put his hands together, said his thanks, and picked up his chopsticks, catching Koga shake his head at him out of the corner of his eye.

No other reality would be better than this one.