#but nothing beats the insanity of bird squad missions

[cutechickdgaming]

The three horsemen of animal rescue children’s shows (also beloved by older people <3). Most of the Octonauts and WK descriptions came from that one post comparing the crews.

I grew up with all of these, though two of these are far more well-known than the other. Idk if all of the statements are accurate, but at least that’s how I describe the shows.

Bird Squad is so wack (committing grand theft blimp for frick’s sake), it deserves more acknowledgement and a second season. Yeah, it predated the other two shows (tho not the OG Octonauts books). Let me know if you recognize the show, because I’d like the fandom to grow. (We’re a little lonely)

Octonauts do be getting it’s 8th season (please I need the rest of Season 5, too) and Wild Kratts with 7th and they’re all fun.

Also have birb

And this

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Joker (Suicide Squad)

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Boy oh boy, talking about the Joker is always fun! Who are we talking about this time? We’ve covered Ledger’s creepy anarchist and Nicholson’s unhinged mobster, so who do we have left? Romero’s madcap clown? Hamill’s multimedia masterpiece performance? Maybe Joaquin Phoenix’s fresh new take on the most iconic villain in comics?

No… sigh… we’re talking about Jared Leto. Might as well get him out of the way. And while this is certainly not a Joker I like dwelling on, I think there is a fair deal to discuss in regards to this incarnation the Joker, in particular why he fails as a take on Batman’s most famous enemy and what could have been done to fix him, because really, it would not have been hard to make this Joker work.

Actor: Jared Leto is not necessarily a bad actor, but he is certainly not the kind of guy you’d expect to play someone like the Joker. Sure, one of his most famous roles is in Fight Club where he gets his face pulverized, so we know he’s good at getting the crap kicked out of him (a requirement for being the archenemy of a superhero who loves to beat up criminals), but that was a minor role. Here he’s taking on the one comic book villain that even people who have never read a comic could probably name, and I just don’t think someone who is better in supporting roles could pull it off.

Not helping his case is his extremely creepy on-set behavior, where he method acted in incredibly disturbing ways to the point he harassed his costars. Even more baffling is that all the weird, edgy stories of his method acting showed he had no understanding of who Joker is as a character; Joker is not some weird, cringey stalker who sends people dead rats, he’s an unhinged madman who would probably bake a dead rat cake and send it to someone’s house with a bomb inside that would explode at their kid’s birthday, raining dead rats everywhere, all because the kid’s dad cut in front of him at the grocery store. 

In all honesty, Leto is probably the biggest problem because of this. It’s the same problem Eisenberg had as Lex Luthor: he doesn’t understand or care about the character he’s playing, and it shows, because it is almost entirely off the rails from what one would expect, and not in a good way.

Motivation/Goals: The Joker in film typically has the goal of causing a ruckus, overturning society in some way, or just being evil in general… but with a fun twist. Joker is always supposed to do stuff because it amuses him. Nicholson’s Joker got this down the best, but even Ledger’s anarchist take on the character got this down extremely well.  Here though, Joker is pretty much a bit player in the story, and his entire purpose in the narrative is showcasing Harley’s origin and then showing him coming to rescue her. That’s about the extent of his being in the film: he exists solely to help Harley break free from captivity, which he fails to do until the very end of the film.

This is disappointing in an extremely obvious way: this is THE JOKER. This is a character who demands to be the center of attention. This is a character who hijacked the plot of every single one of the best Batman video games ever made. This is a villain who just won’t die. This is the archenemy to end all archenemies, and yet here in this film he’s playing second fiddle to a CGI witch. A lot of his scenes were apparently cut, which makes things even worse, because we could have perhaps had a better grasp of who he is. As is, Joker is really nothing but a satellite love interest to Harley.

Personality: What little we see from this Joker is mostly unappealing. He’s creepy, he’s crazy, he’s strange, but a lot of it feels recycled from other Jokers and not a unique spin put on by Leto. However, there is one aspect of the character that is truly great and deserving of praise: this Joker almost certainly genuinely loves Harley Quinn, in his own demented way. Finally, an adaptation brings Joker and Harley’s relationship back from “romanticized domestic abuse” to the Mad Love it excelled at being. The director’s cut actually added in a little bit more to really showcase these two do love each other, as crazy as the two of them get. It’s like the saying goes: She was fearless, and crazier than him. She was his queen, and God help anyone who disrespected his queen.

Final Fate: They make it look like Joker dies in a helicopter crash… but it’s Joker. You can count on one hand the amount of times his death actually sticks in any continuity. He survived and busts Harley out at the end, ending the film on a kind of sweet note, honestly. 

Too bad it’s one that’s doomed to be undermined by later films, as Birds of Prey is almost certainly going to have Harley kicking Mr. J to the curb and Jared Leto is seemingly cut from the DCEU, and even if he wasn’t it’s doubtful he’d ever be able to get out of Joaquin Phoenix’s shadow at this point. I can’t even jokingly say “Press F to pay respects” here, because neither I nor anyone else respects Jared Leto in the slightest anyway. 

Best Scene: I’m a bit fond of the scene where he dives into the chemicals with Harley, if only because it really reinforces that their love, while utterly insane, is genuine in their own twisted way. I honestly really like this take on their relationship.

Best Quote: This entire exchange, because as corny and silly as it all is, again, it reinforces what I think worked with Joker:

The Joker: Question! Would you die for me?

Harley: Yes.

The Joker: That's too easy. Would you... Would you live for me? Hmm?

Harley: Yes.

The Joker: Careful. Do not say this oath thoughtlessly! Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes power. You want this?

Harley: I do.

The Joker: Say it. Say it. Say it. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...

Harley: ...Please?

The Joker: God, you're so... good.

Final Thoughts & Score: Jared Leto’s Joker gets a lot of flak for things such as his design, his mannerisms, the overall performance… and I can’t really argue with much of that. While the base design isn’t terrible, the overdone tattoos, particularly the infamous “Damaged” tattoo, really don’t feel much like the Joker. His mannerisms for the most part just don’t scream Joker either, or at least not a particularly new or interesting take on him. And, overall, the performance in general is weak, lackluster, and inconsequential to the film as a whole. I believe even the director has stated Joker would have made for a better antagonist than the magical Enchantress, and frankly I have to agree, especially since it would have given Leto’s Joker more screentime as well as a more grounded threat for the Squad to face on their first mission. Really, considering most of the characters are just normal people with highly trained skillsets or mild mutations, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to fight off an insane gang leader clown rather than an interdimensional witch demon bringing about the apocalypse?

Combine that with what little is good about him in the actual film – namely, his genuine affection for Harley – and it may have actually made for a good, compelling plotline, with a conflicted Harley forced to choose between an insane relationship she loves and her newfound ragtag group of wacky friends. Not only would it have strengthened Harley and Joker’s roles in the narrative, it would have almost certainly given a better lead in to Birds of Prey. Leto’s Joker could have had more of a chance to exert his charm over Harley and perhaps even be more of an intimidating presence on the screen, maybe even use some classic Joker gags. As I said at the start, this character would have been seriously easy to fix. Just clean up the costume, give some better direction, and let him have a more central role that naturally creates conflict while allowing the Squad to develop closer bonds with each other.

Joker shockingly gets a 2/10. Yeah, I don’t think this is the worst abomination ever put to film, and honestly, even among bad comic book villains he’s nowhere near as bad as someone like Malekith, Weapon XI, or Fant4astic Doom; at the very least, this Joker has some redeeming qualities to him that I can’t ignore. He’s certainly one of the worst adaptations of the characters ever, but still, credit where credit is due, he does some things right. It was all just mishandled, as often things were in regards to the DCEU at the time.

[thedcdunce]

The Penguin

“Where's the thrill in committing the perfect crime if nobody knows it was you?” - The Penguin

Real Name: Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot

Gender: Male

Height: 5′ 2″

Weight: 175 lbs (79 kg)

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Black

Abilities:

Genius Level Intellect

Cold Tolerance

Equipment:

Trick Umbrellas

Base of Operations: Iceberg Lounge, Gotham City

Universe: New Earth

Parents:

Tucker Cobblepot; father

Miranda Cobblepot; mother

Marital Status: Single

Citizenship: American

Occupation:

Businessman

Crimelord

First Appearance: Detective Comics #568 (November, 1986)

Last Appearance: Convergence: Batman and Robin #1 (June, 2015)

Abilities

Genius Level Intellect: From an early age Penguin was never very physically strong or appealing and this forced him to learn to live life with a keen intellect. It should be noted that his intellect is almost always sinister in nature even in the most mundane of decisions.

Business Management: Oswald's criminal operations would succeed without a hitch if not for the actions of Batman. Oswald has existed both above and below the law with his businesses; running a legitimate night club as well as selling drugs from within it.

Leadership: Penguin always travels with henchmen on any criminal mission or even to the zoo. He controls bodyguards, chefs, servants, gang members, villains and so on with masterful talent. Oswald has led both legal and illegal operations within Gotham City; under any conditions.

Avian Trainer: Penguin has used his knowledge of birds for criminal purposes as well as personal purposes. He shares a special kinship with birds, especially the African penguin.

Hand-to-Hand Combat (Advanced): Oswald dedicated part of his life to the martial arts, to beat those who mocked his appearance. Being a master in judo and boxing 

Cold Tolerance: The Penguin can tolerate sub-freezing temperatures longer than most people. He can spend extended times outdoors in the winter before frostbite, hypothermia or even discomfort begin. This ability is not superhuman; he is just at the far end of normal human cold tolerance.

Equipment

Trick Umbrellas: The Penguin employs an assortment of "trick" umbrellas, many of which can be used as weapons as well. A few of his umbrellas are equipped with motorized flight capabilities, and he often uses such devices in order to affect an expedient escape.

History

The Penguin is a fancy criminal and self-styled entrepreneur, who uses his business as a front to cover his criminal activities. Penguin started as many criminals in Gotham City, by performing crimes with a specific theme surrounding birds. Eventually, Penguin outgrew his hands-on crimes and became the mastermind of organized crime in Gotham, making him a valuable asset for both criminals and heroes alike.

Origins and Early Crimes

Born Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, the Penguin was bullied as a child for his short stature, obesity, and beak-like nose. These traits made him an outcast in his rich, high society family; their rejection drove him to become a criminal. When Penguin was a young child, his father died of pneumonia after being drenched in a downpour. Because of this, his mother became over-protective and forced him to carry an umbrella whenever he went outside — even on sunny days. In keeping with his family's tradition of wealth, the Penguin lives a life of crime, yet executes it with his own self-proclaimed class and style.

Unlike most of the villains in Gotham, the Penguin is a gentleman villain, in control of his own actions and perfectly sane, features that serve to maintain a unique relationship with his archenemy, Batman. During the early days after Batman's appearance, Cobblepot joined Harvey Dent AKA Two-Face, and several other Gotham criminals to bring down the crime family led by Sofia Falcone. Cobblepot was only with the group very briefly and was arrested after a firefight at the docks with Tony Zucco and Eddie Skeevers.

Later, Penguin managed to get a hold of a lethal drug developed by Ra's al Ghul, but his plans of spreading it in Gotham and use it to blackmail the city were stopped by Batman and Talia, Ra's' daughter.

Suicide Squad

The Penguin attempted to steal rare falcons from the Gotham University, but his plan was thwarted by Batman and he was arrested. When he was released on parole, he claimed to have fallen in love and gone straight. His new girlfriend wouldn't tolerate criminal behavior. Cobblepot ran a legitimate umbrella factory staffed by ex-cons, but he was sent back to prison because this counts as "consorting with known felons."

Much later, Amanda Waller recruited him to the Suicide Squad for one mission, in exchange for prison release. Penguin helped them plan a top secret mission where they rescued imprisoned author Zoya Trigorin from the Soviet Union. He was forced to accompany them behind enemy lines, because Rick Flag wanted him to have a stake in his own plans. They were forced to fight the Russian army, and Penguin was nearly killed. In the confrontation, Penguin realized Russia is not an appropriate country for him or his criminal activities and after a deadly mission, they escape the country.

Crimes and Affairs

Upon returning to Gotham, Penguin returned to prison, where he met Mortimer Kadaver. While in prison, they came up with a breakout plan and it all started with Penguin's sudden death. The Penguin was buried after his fake death, thanks to Kadaver who used hypnosis to send Penguin into a death-like trance. His henchmen released Penguin from his tomb and once he was revived, he was forced to accept Kadaver into his gang and they started a crime spree. Eventually, Penguin double-crossed Kadaver and shortly afterwards, he was stopped by Batman.

Penguin soon arranged his own escape from prison and located Harold Allnut, a mechanics and engineering genius who Penguin manipulated to create a bird controlling device. Harold's machine allowed Penguin to control large flocks of birds with microwaves, forcing the animals to create chaos and destruction in Gotham. Penguin's intention was to sell the machine to international criminals and kill Harold afterwards, but part of his plan was also the kidnapping of a notorious actress, with whom Penguin had become infatuated. Using the bird device, Penguin kidnapped the actress and attacked Batman in the Batcave. However, as he was selling the invention to other criminals, Penguin's plan was thwarted by Batman, who had deduced the device's mechanism, and Harold himself, who turned against Penguin, allowing Batman's ultimate victory over Cobblepot.

Legitimate Businessman

Penguin eventually established himself as a legitimate businessman in charge of his nightclub, the Iceberg Lounge. However, it was just a facade in order to control criminal activities from a privileged position.

After a while, Penguin organized a large criminal ring that consisted on kidnapping pregnant girls and sell their kids to adoption. However, Penguin was attacked by a strange villain and the penthouse of the Iceberg Lounge was bombed when his crime was revealed.

Penguin survived the explosion and learned that the people behind the attack were a new group called The Body. Penguin then gathered three helicopters and attacked a large group of members of The Body, saving Batman in the process. Before leaving, Penguin warned Batman about the new enemy.

When the great gang war broke out in Gotham, Penguin auctioned weapons he stole from the US Navy, as well as meta-humans and assassins among the many gang parties in Gotham. During this time, Penguin was confronted by Hush, who was looking for Riddler. Shorly after, Gotham was drowned in chaos and the police ordered a civil curfew for the entire city. Penguin took control of the Gotham Power Company and caused a massive blackout in the city.

Infinite Crisis

The Penguin becomes swept up in the events of Infinite Crisis. He is part of the Battle of Metropolis, a multi-character brawl started by the Secret Society of Super Villains. The Penguin, along with several other villains, are bowled over by the surprise appearance of Bart Allen.

One Year Later

While the Penguin was away from Gotham City, the Great White Shark and the Tally Man killed many of the villains who worked for the Penguin, and framed Harvey Dent. The Shark had planned to take over Gotham's criminal syndicate and weaken all his competition - Penguin included. Upon his return to Gotham, the Penguin continues to claim that he has gone "straight" and reopened the Iceberg Lounge nightclub, selling overpriced penguin merchandise. He urges the Riddler to avoid crime, as it's more lucrative in their current, non-criminal lifestyle.

Batman R.I.P.

Penguin was briefly approached by Slam Bradley who wanted information over Hush's current whereabouts.

When Batman disappeared from Gotham, Penguin was the first target of the vigilantes of the city.

Robin talked to Penguin and offered a large amount of money in exchange of information about Batman's whereabouts. Shorly after, Penguin showed Robin a picture proving that Batman was alive but somehow insane. Some days later, Batgirl attacked Penguin in order to learn Batman's location, but Penguin knew nothing about it. Furthermore and due to her aggressive attack on him, Penguin ended his partnership with Batman.

A few days later, Penguin was pleased to let the meta-human criminals of Gotham get rid of Intergang for him. Penguin even applauded Man-Bat after he massacred some men of Intergang, who had been using the Iceberg Lounge as a meeting point.

Battle for the Cowl

After the death of Batman, Penguin became one of the main crime lords in Gotham. Around this time, Penguin was informed that someone had damaged Two-Face's crime ring and he was taking the blame for the hit. When Penguin learned that the responsible was a new Black Mask, he hired Riddler's service as a detective to find the criminal. However, Black Mask struck first by sending Firefly to kill Penguin, but the pyromaniac was stopped by Catwoman. Penguin's forces were weakened but the crime lord emerged unscathed.

Some time later, word about Vicki Vale's discovery of Batman's secret identity was spread in the underground of Gotham and Penguin started looking for the reporter to capture her. When a couple of amateur criminals wanted to join Penguin's crew, he sent them to kidnap Vale and bring her back to him, but they failed miserably.

During a meeting with members of the Penitente drug cartel, the Penguin was attacked by Red Hood who nearly killed Cobblepot and Gabriel Santo.

Convergence

Penguin and Gotham were taken by Brainiac and Telos and were trapped for a year. Cobblepot attempts to force Ivy to work for him, but he is foiled by, Batman, Robin, Red Hood and Scarlet.

Fun Facts

The Penguin's corpulence and short height causes him to waddle when he walks, giving credence to the distasteful "Penguin" sobriquet that has plagued him all of his life. Adding to the unflattering pseudonym, Cobblepot also has a distended, pointy nose which closely resembles a bird's beak.

[btsarmy-eyes-blog]

Less than an hour.

It's all happening in slow motion. The eyes are charging at me and it's like I just can't move fast enough to disarm the man. When the man was almost on top of me I knee him in the stomach and he doubled over only in acknowledgement that he was struck, but barely hindered. Everything is coming back to speed. He chuckled and stood, and right before he could charge again the room filled with light.

Suga burst into the room with almost inhuman strength and began beating the man with fury in his eyes. Moments later Jin was right behind him trying to pull Suga away.

Suga barked at Jin "Damnit he was going to kill him!! Let me go!!" As he fights to get away from Jin.

As Jin holds onto Suga strongly, I rush to the beaten man and put zipties on his wrists. And almost as quickly as it started it was over, and several other men came and apprehended the man. But as he was being dragged away he yelled.

"You will not win. The jungle will be your end, for she commands it."

I don't know what his mental state is but it doesn't seem like a damn thing could help him. I see nothing but a walking threat.

"You will meet your fate soon, as I will see you again... Goodbye.. for now". He with smiling at me but with the eyes of insanity.

What the hell!!

His eyes just went from glowing green to brown!!

"wha....what happened? Where am I?" The man hunkered over to finally feeling the strike I had given to his stomach.

"You are coming with us back to containment. Don't resist or fight. It will only make things worse. You already attacked an asset of this base, so shut your mouth and walk." Shot one of the petty officers and he began to lift him up.

"Wait... No! I can't stay. We all need to go! I lost my men! You'll lose yours too!! DON'T SEND ANYONE IN THERE!!" He screamed. He looked to me with a look of horror and fear.

As he is being dragged away they put a gag in his mouth and I can't help but almost go blank until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turn so see Jin holding my shoulder and suga death glaring the man for the last few seconds before he was lead out of the hall.

"RM... Are you okay? Did he hurt you" Jin asked

I can't help but to think of all of the other squads who did go in before we do. They didn't come back but the few survivors.. What is really going."

"RM!" Jin raised his voice. "Are you hurt damnit!?" He looks me over and was about to say something until General came around the corner.

"Jesus Christ what happened!?" General is looking at all three of us. "Is everyone alright?"

"Yes. He attacked me but I am okay, thanks to Suga. And thanks to Jin, he may not have made it out of Suga's attack to save me."

"Well I'm glad you guys are okay, but you know you guys still have a mission to complete. I know this is a traumatic experience but we will have to worry about it when you return. We don't have the time as you know. I'm sorry I wish it wasn't like this." He is a truly great man, concerned as he is, we all know this a time of action and we need to get moving.

"RM, we have to keep moving." General almost whispered to me.

I look up at him and he seems to be slightly shocked my the look on my face. "What is actually going on here?"

"Exactly what I told you. There isn't much to say other than that this is a battle we are losing. So finish up and head out." He's lying. I know he is. "Suga, Jin, head out to the birds and start getting ready. You guys leave in less than an hour. I'll see you all when you return." He sternly looks at us all, we salute and he leaves.

"Okay well RM, Suga and I are going to get the bird ready and we will be waiting for you. Unless you need help?"

"No, I've got it, I'll be there soon." I give a reassuring look. When really I don't know how I feel about everything.

"Alright." Jin turns to Suga. "Let's go. Much to do with little time." Suga just looks over at me as to ask with his eyes if I'm sure as well.

I just nod then Suga followed Jin down the hall and out of the door.

As I stand there I can't help but feel.. off.

I don't feel well. But I chalk it up to the stress of today and the lack of sleep. I just know General is lying to me and I can't do a damn thing about it.

As I turn to the armory to get the supplies, I only worry what this mission has in store for us.

But I know I'll protect my boys with my life.

[geekade]

Pokemon Propitiation: Day 819

The importance of saving one's game can not be overstated. 

I may have mentioned here before that my son has gained an affinity for Rhythm Heaven. As it turns out, an excellent new Rhythm Heaven game recently came out on 3DS. 3DS is also where I've been playing Pokemon Blue, and lately, I've been hauling ass. I've gotten into a nice rhythm of playing again on a regular basis and have without a doubt surpassed my previous attempted playthrough's progress point. I'm seeing new stuff, and I've got stories to tell. But a few days ago, my beloved son wanted to play Rhythm Heaven Megamix with me. So he went into my room, grabbed my 3DS, which had my current Pokemon game suspended, opened it up, and somehow managed to quit the game without saving (he's only 3 and doesn't really know how to operate my 3DS) effectively killing about 3 days of progress. Considering that this is day 819 and I've only just beaten the 3rd gym leader, you can see how losing 3 days of progress is pretty painful. I'm also just now looking at a list of gym leaders, and I certainly have a long road ahead of me. Anyway...

Before my game got bumped back, I found myself in Vermilion City. I had dealt with the Team Rocket asshole who robbed that dude's house and decided to just chill in the backyard instead of, you know, going anywhere. Now it was time to see the sights. I went through a suspicious tunnel because some guards told me they were thirsty or something. No really, I have no idea what the living shit that was about. They aren't even blocking the way. I could just leisurely stroll past them and they'd never catch me. They're behind giant desks. Ugh, whatever. Just let an unaccompanied minor traverse some underground tunnels to get to the next town. I swear, I don't know what's weirder, the people of this world or its geography. Once I made it out of the tunnel, I came across some grassy patches, and wouldn't you know, there was a whole group of assholes just standing there in the grass waiting to challenge me to a duel. Well, jokes on you jerks, because I've been grinding my Pokemon like a motherfucker, and I am ready to kick all of the ass.

My Wartortle still looks like an fool, but he's a powerhouse. Also, I've managed to bring my entire team up to his level, so I've got a bunch of fairly strong dudes ready for almost any situation. I've got my Geodude who as long as there's no water around seems nigh invincible, my Pikachu for equal parts ass kicking and adorability, and my Ratatta, my first buddy, ready to kick ass and take names. And ass I did kick. These fools didn't know what hit them. In hindsight, I'm pretty fortunate I got the chance to do this part over again, because it's these idiots who are the real treasure troves of experience points, and I was about to get my first Meowth. I don't know why, but I like this little guy. I don't understand his payday attack, but he does some decent damage, and he's cute. When I had to start over and re-catch Meowth, I did it without challenging any of these jokers to a fight first, and was able to get him a nice little boost of XP in a short period of time. 

The other thing I started doing before the great deletion was check out the S.S. Anne. The great and powerful Bill had given me a ticket after all, so why not have a look around. It was here where I had my first genuinely reasonable Pokemon battle. The first room I walked into had an old man in it. I walked up to him and he basically just freaked out at me for walking into his room uninvited. You know what? I'd yell at me too. I had just become so accustomed to everyone being completely insane in this game, that when this dude was like "What the fuck are you doing in my room? Get out or I'm gonna kick your ass!" and threw his pets at me, I genuinely felt bad about winning. What kind of asshole wanders into a stranger's room on a cruise ship? Apparently, this asshole. I truly am one with the world of Pokemon now. 

As I traveled from room to room, I came to understand that this boat was just chock full of shit heads just waiting for people to walk in and challenge. Me, being on a mission to level up my Meowth, kept tossing him out and seeing how far he could get in battle. Every time his health got low, I'd walk all the way back to town ad heal him up at the pokemon center. Time consuming? yes. Efficient? Fuck no. But it's the only option that doesn't involve me blowing all my cash on potions, so whatever. On one of my trips back I realized that I was walking on a long dock to get to and from the ship. I also remembered that some dude gave me a fishing rod at some point. So I gave it a shot and what do you know? I'm in a battle with a Magikarp!

I'm pretty sure I had one of these bastards the last time I played this game, but I can't for the life of me remember how I came across it. All I know is that I wanted him to have a good life and get strong, so I trained him as best I could. I did not, however, have a Magikarp in my roster this go around. I immediately threw a Pokeball at this little guy and made him my own. It was shortly after this when my game got zapped. Again, it was a blessing in disguise because this time around I caught the Magikarp before going into the ship in the first place, and by the time I was done with the S.S. Anne, my fishy friend was leveled up enough to actually throw an attack at someone! Not an effective one, mind you, but an attack nonetheless. 

At some point when I was  going back and forth to various places grinding or healing, I found some dude who wanted to trade a bird for a duck. I don't remember the name of the thing, but it had an apostrophe in its name, which sounded exotic, so I went for it. I'm glad I did, because it seems to be the only pokemon I have that can learn cut, which I can finally do. I learned it from the captain of the S.S. Anne. He wasn't feeling very well. I met him after beating up a bunch of sailors. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I'd have an occasion to write that string of sentences. 

Fortified with my cut ability, I cut down a branch and checked out the gym and its leader, Lt. Surge. The thought occurred to me, how did all these people get into this gym if that plant was in the way? Can everyone in this game besides me just walk past things like trees? Whatever. It's gym leader time. I had my group all set and ready for a fierce battle. The few times I've fought gym leaders before this were long yet ultimately winnable battles. I was ready for the long haul, but instead I beat his ass into the ground. See, by this point, I had not only leveled my guys up enough to be a virtual murder squad, but my Ratatta had managed to evolve into a Raticate. AND SHIT GOT REAL. I love this guy. If I was in the game, I would have yelled at my squirtle and said "Look at this motherfucker right here. This is how you evolve. Not with those dorky ear wings or whatever they are!" Oh man, I feel like every time I pull this guy out the pokemon on the other end is crapping their nonexistent pants. Raticate looks fucking terrifying. I love him dearly. So with Raticate on hand, and the rest of my crew, Lt. Surge (who looks an awful lot like Street Fighter's Guile) went down. Even his Raichu, which I will admit was kind of intimidating at first, but the whole fight was like nothing. Weird. 

After leaving with my shiny new badge, I headed in the only direction I hadn't gone yet (mostly because I have completely forgotten what the plot is at this point) and came across some more assholes with nothing better to do than toss their pets at strangers, and something called Diglett's cave. I walked around in there for about 5 minutes and called it a day. 

I have less than 200 days before I hit 1000 days at this. Do you think I can do it? I certainly hope so...