#but not to his face because if I ever met the guy I'd be terrified

[littleapocalypsekitten]

Okie, dokie. I went through the 3rd and 4th drafts of a letter to congresscritter, with the good help of some people on Slacktivist addressing how I should order it, and just sent off an email to Pennsylvania Senator Mr. Clean about the Israel-Hamas war. I know next to nothing about the complexities of the situation / how the U.S. really does the nitty gritty of foreign relations there, but I know attempts at ethnic cleansing when I see them, I guess. I am against terrorists...but also against targeting refugee camps and hospitals. I'm kind of shaky and nervous. I'm an introvert. I just don't contact congresspeople. I vote, but that's it. It is difficult for me to contact public figures, because I feel so small, and crazy, and poor and like a generally worthless person. This is also the kind of issue that people scream at you for on all sides, even if your position is a very "I don't like it when gobs of people die." I figure that Senator Mr. Clean is the guy to contact over my Representative. He's a Democrat and Progressive and loves doing the cool trollish stuff that I would do if I wasn't so introverted and position-of-responsibility averse to run for Congress. (My Rep is a moderate Republican).

[ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral]

Hello everyone! I'm back with another Merlin au idea! This story was actually supposed to be a part of my fic "What to do When an Eldritch God Decides That You're Friend-Shaped", but I decided that this idea didn't really mesh well with the rest of that fic and would probably be better off as its own separate story.

And I will say, in my opinion, that this is probably one of my best au ideas yet. I had so much fun just writing this! Also, heads up, this post is going to be very long because I really love this idea! So, I hope you all enjoy! :D

In this au, which is set post-Camlann, Morgana wasn't able to take Merlin's magic away before the battle, so Merlin was able to save Arthur and defeat both Mordred and Morgana without revealing his magic. He was also able to prevent Gwaine's death since he kept Morgana preoccupied in the battle. So, Camelot is saved, and everything is great!

Except, Arthur has some questions. He knows from Morgana's furious screams during the battle that she was killed by a sorcerer named "Emrys", but Arthur never saw him. And Arthur recognized that name from when Morgana taunted him years ago by saying "Not even Emrys can save you now."

Arthur knows that he owes his kingdom and perhaps his life to this Emrys guy, but he knows nothing about him other than that he's a very powerful sorcerer, more powerful than Morgana. This frightens Arthur, as he doesn't know what Emrys wants or why he helps Arthur. For all Arthur knows, Emrys could be just biding his time to take over Camelot and was simply doing away with his competition by killing Morgana.

After things calmed down after the battle of Camlann, Arthur decides that he needs more information on Emrys. Who he is, what are his motives, how can they find him, and a million other details that Arthur needs to ensure his people's safety. He first goes to Gaius for information, but Gaius can tells him that, according to the myths of the Old Religion, Emrys is the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth and is held in high regard by the druids.

Gaius's answer only heightens Arthur's alarm, as the prospect of having to fight to most powerful sorcerer ever is terrifying to him. However, he still doesn't have any good information on Emrys, so he goes to the next best source: the druids.

Thanks to Arthur making peace with the druids after promising the ghost of the young druid boy and permitting them to use their magic for peaceful purposes only, there were a couple druid camps not far from Camelot. Arthur picked the closer one and took a day to travel there alongside Merlin and a few knights in the hopes of finally getting some answers.

When they arrive at the camp, they're met with worried glances and panicked faces, but the druid elders welcome them into the camp nonetheless, offering them all a seat by their campfire and warm meal. Once they got settled and Arthur exchanged some pleasantries with Iseldir, the druid chieftain, Arthur was finally able to ask what had been plaguing him for weeks.

"Iseldir, I know that your people hold a sorcerer named Emrys in high regard, and it's come to my attention that he was responsible for Morgana's defeat at Camlann and possibly on other occasions. Please, I need to know more about him and why he's chosen to help me."

Several people froze and tensed at Arthur's questions, including Merlin. Arthur sighed internally at Merlin's usual panic. He knew that Merlin could become easily scared in the face of magic, so he should have knows that his friend wouldn't approve of Arthur actively seeking out a dangerous sorcerer.

After a short, tense pause, Iseldir clears his throat and responds.

"I'd be happy to answer some of your questions about the god of magic!"

Wait, did Arthur hear that correctly? God of magic?! Arthur, in his shock, blurted out,

"Emrys is a god?! I had heard that he was a powerful sorcerer, not some deity!"

Iseldir chuckled a bit before responding,

"Emrys is indeed the god of magic in the Old Religion, the son of the Triple Goddess herself! He is not simply the master of magic, but rather magic itself, its very incarnation!"

That... was a rather frightening prospect, and it confused Arthur even further. Why would magic itself fight against Morgana? Why take Arthur's side? And, perhaps more importantly, was Arthur going to have to fight a god in order to protect his kingdom?!

Iseldir continued before Arthur's hysterical thought could bubble up to the surface.

"As I said, I'm happy to answer your questions, but please know that there are some secrets that Emrys has entrusted our people with that we cannot divulge, and there are some truths that might be... difficult for you in particular."

Arthur frowned at Iseldir's answer, unsure of what to make of it.

"What do you mean it might be difficult for me in particular?"

Iseldir winced a bit, grimacing like he didn't know how to respond without warranting a negative response.

"Well, there are some elements of Emrys's story that intertwine with your own life in some ways that you might not expect or be ready to hear at this point. Your life and Emrys's are highly connected, King Arthur, even if you don't know the extent of it yet."

Arthur's eyes widened at this admission. His life was connected to this mysterious god of the old religion? How could that possibly be true? He had didn't even know that Emrys was a god until a few moments ago! However, as curious as he was about what Iseldir could be talking about, he had more pressing matters at hand.

"We can discuss how I am connected to Emrys later. For now, I need answers to more important questions. Why does Emrys help Camelot? What is he hoping to get out of it?"

Iseldir looked much happier to answer this question, speaking calmly with a serene smile on his face.

"Emrys had many reasons to stand against the witch. She frequently hunted down and killed more peaceful magic users who did not share her taste for vengeance and bloodshed, including our fellow druids and even the Catha, a small sect of priests of the Old Religion that followed Emrys's will. Emrys fought against Morgana to protect these followers of his from her wrath."

Arthur nodded at Iseldir's explanation. As odd as it felt to have something in common with a god of the Old Religion, he could understand very well the drive to protect his own people. If Emrys's people were also in danger because of Morgana, it made sense for him to join forces with Arthur, even if Arthur was unaware of that alliance. Seeing Arthur's understanding, Iseldir continued with his explanation.

"Emrys also fought against Morgana in order to punish her for her hubris and use of dark magic. There are certain dark arts that take the power that Emrys grants us and twist it into a horrible force, bound only by the will of its user. Such arts are expressly forbidden by Emrys, and he cannot control what sorcerers do with such magic after its been corrupted so thoroughly. Morgana frequently used such forbidden arts and claimed the title of high priestess while ignoring the will of the gods, even the one that she drew her power from. Emrys is normally slow to anger, but for such transgressions, he became furious with Morgana and sought to punish her for treason against magic itself."

Arthur understood that a little bit less, but he could also relate to Emrys's reasoning as a king who had also had to punish some of his own citizens for treason.

"I can see that Emrys stood opposed to Morgana, but does Camelot have anything to fear from him? I can understand why he might not be very forgiving towards us considering my father's actions during his reign."

To Arthur's immense relief, Iseldir shook his head slightly before providing an explanation.

"No, Camelot has nothing to fear from Emrys. He knows that not everyone in Camelot agreed with your father's actions, and he can see progress that you've made since the end of your father's reign. In fact, Emrys has assisted Camelot many times even when Morgana wasn't involved!"

Arthur reeled backwards in shock at Iseldir words. The god of magic, helping Camelot freely? Despite everything his father had done?! Iseldir's explanation forced Arthur to re-evaluate what he knew of the Old Religion.

He had always seen the Old Religion and its gods as monstrous and barbaric. However, that wasn't the case, was it? Emrys had saved the kingdom that sought to destroy him. The Disir had shown Mordred mercy, even though Arthur had rejected their offer. The White Goddess had restored Guinevere's soul at the Cauldron of Arianrhod and healed her of Morgana's curse. Were all of the gods and goddesses of the Old Religion so benevolent and kind? Had Arthur misunderstood the Old Religion for his entire life?

However, Arthur was still shocked at Emrys in particular choosing to help Camelot, supposedly with no ulterior motives besides a common enemy in Morgana. That was how Camelot had survived against such odds? How could it be that magic itself was on their side?!

As Arthur looked at Iseldir again however, he noticed that the druid chieftain's face had pulled into a grimace again. Arthur certainly knew that look, he had seen it on the faces of his council members frequently.

"There's something that you aren't telling me, isn't there? I know that there are some things that you may be hesitant to divulge, but please, I must know everything I can about Emrys, for the safety of my kingdom."

Iseldir paused again, sighing deeply. He sat still for a moment, as if pondering how to proceed.

"Truthfully, there is another reason why Emrys assisted you, but it involves what I spoke of earlier, wen I said that your life and Emrys's are connected in ways that you may not expect. I am willing to tell you such things, but these truths might be hard for you to hear."

Arthur leaned forward, his curiosity piqued again.

"I have learned many uncomfortable truths about my own life through the years, so I will ask you: how could my life be connected to the god of magic?"

Iseldir nodded at Arthur's words and began speaking with a serious, nearly grim, voice.

"I assume that you are familiar with how life is exchanged in the practice of the Old Religion? For any life give, a life must be taken."

Arthur flinched backwards at Iseldir's words, already recognizing what topic was about to be brought up. He had come to terms with the truth of his birth years ago, but hearing it again didn't make it any easier. Blinking back tears, Arthur responded.

"Yes, I... I know. I'm aware that my father made a deal with the priestess Nimueh to secure an heir, and I know that my mother was the one who paid the price in the end."

Arthur heard quiet gasps coming from the knights around him, while Merlin silently put a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder. Iseldir, after a moment, continued with his explanation.

"You are correct in your understanding, however, there is one part of the story that you are unaware of."

Arthur jolted in shock at Iseldir's words. There was more to the story of his birth? Frantically, Arthur started asking questions.

"What do you mean? What haven't I been told?"

Iseldir patiently and softly answered Arthur's questions, trying to soften the crushing revelation that he was about to tell Arthur.

"The balance of life and death is at the very core of the Old Religion. However, it is not the power of creation. The power over life and death was used by the high priestesses to resurrect and bring life to someone who has already passed. To magically create a new life, a new soul, from nothing is an act of creation, something that takes far more power than manipulating the balance of life and death. An act of creation takes the power of a god."

"I... I don't understand. What are you trying to tell me?"

"I am sorry that you had to find out this way, King Arthur. But in order to successfully ensure that your mother and father had an heir, Nimueh called upon the power of her patron god: Emrys."

This time, it was Arthur was gasped in shock at this information, hysteria rising in him once again.

"Are you telling me that Emrys was responsible for my very creation?! That it was his power that created me?!"

"More than that, I'm afraid. To create your soul, Emrys did more than just weave his own power into a life. He cut out a shard of his own soul and breathed life into it, thus creating you. While we don't know his reasons for doing so, Emrys created you from a part of his own being."

Arthur felt like his breath had just been punched out of him. What... what did this mean?!

Iseldir must have seen his panic, and further clarified.

"In the eyes of the gods, this made Emrys your true creator and, in the eyes of the magical world, your father."

At those words, Arthur stopped breathing entirely. Unbeknownst to Iseldir, who kept going with his explanation, Arthur entire worldview was collapsing in on itself.

Magic itself was his father?! What did that even mean?!

And oh god was he even a Pendragon? Did he even have a legitimate claim to the throne of Camelot?!

Arthur's panic was so strong that he could barely feel how Merlin's supportive hand on his shoulder was now clenching hard enough to bruise.

(Meanwhile, inside Merlin's panicking mind: WTF??! Oh shit I owed HOW MUCH to Uther Pendragon in child support?! Am I a deadbeat dad to my own best friend??)

"This is why you triumphed over any foe, magical or otherwise. Emrys forbade any magic from truly harming you, and he rose to protect you when you needed him. He will always fight by your side, as you are, in many ways, a part of him."

Iseldir paused, now noticing Arthur's hyperventilating.

"I assume that you have many questions following this news. Please, feel free to ask anything, there's no need to be scared by this!"

Arthur took a deep breath and tried to keep from laugh hysterically. No need to be scared?! His entire life had just been turned on its head!

"If... if Emrys is my true father, what about Uther? Do I even have a claim to my throne?"

"Ah, there's no need to worried about that. While Emrys might be your father in terms of your soul, Uther is still your father in terms of blood. Do not fret, King Arthur, you are still of Pendragon blood and have every rightful claim to your throne."

Arthur calmed down a bit at Iseldir's words, breathing much easier now. This explained so many things about Arthur's life, how he had survived in situations that he by all means shouldn't have. Still, he had many questions for Iseldir.

"If I am truly the son of magic itself, am I even human, or am I some sort of demigod?"

At this question, Iseldir shook his head.

"That, I truly do not know. I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone knows the answer to that question except for Emrys himself."

Finally, an idea occurred to Arthur. He stiffened as he blurted out,

"Can I speak with him then? Is there any way to summon him?"

As soon as the idea took root in Arthur's mind, he couldn't get it out. Emrys had to have been looking out for Arthur for many years now, using his power to protect him. This notion of having a secret father who had been caring for him for years almost felt like having a second chance.

Arthur never had the relationship with Uther that he wanted. There was no affection, no bonding, and no comfort to be found there. Only expectations and demands.

But Emrys had apparently been helping Arthur for years with no expectations and no demands. Arthur had fantasized as a young boy about what it would have been like to have a kind, caring father, the kind he saw doting on their children in the marketplace. Now, it almost seemed like he had another chance of having a father, one who truly cared about him!

So naturally, Arthur wanted to meet him! Both the druids and the knights look slightly confused at Arthur's excited outburst about wanting to meet Emrys, but the druids tell him that they have everything that they need to perform a summoning ritual, but they'd need some time to set it up.

Arthur asks if they can set it up for him, and they nod and walk away to begin preparations. Meanwhile, Merlin and the knights ask Arthur if he's just lost his mind. They know that this must be shocking for him, but does he need to summon a god?!

Merlin shows the most vocal opposition to Arthur's plan, saying that they still don't even know if they can trust Emrys. All they have to go on is the word of the druids, and they seem pretty biased in Emrys's favor.

Arthur smiles and tells Merlin that he appreciates his protectiveness, but this is something that Arthur needs to do. He needs this closure, this chance to connect with his last living parent.

Arthur does take Merlin's concerns into consideration though, and orders for his men to leave the camp and take Merlin with them, so they're far away and protected if Emrys turns out to be untrustworthy.

(As the knights drag a struggling Merlin away, Merlin is frantically talking with Iseldir in his mind about what the summoning ritual entails and what it looks like. If he magically pops up next to Arthur right as Arthur does a ritual to summon Emrys, even Arthur would be able to put two and two together!

Luckily, Iseldir informs him that the summoning ritual will summon his soul, not his body, and Arthur wouldn't be able to recognize him. Still, Merlin tried to talk the druids out of the ritual, because Merlin doesn't want his soul to get yanked out of his body! But there was little that the druids could do with Arthur insisting on the ritual.)

After preparing the materials for the ritual, the druids take Arthur back into a tent to get him ready. Arthur's heart pounded in his chest with both excitement and fear as the druids walked him through what he had to do.

First, they gave him some plain but comfortable robes to change in to. They explained that Emrys preferred his followers to come to him in the garments of peace, not war, so his armor, chainmail, and weapons would have to be left in the tent.

After changing into the robes, Arthur felt strangely both vulnerable and comforted. As the druids rubbed some flowery smelling oil into his arms and then led him to a small wooden altar, Arthur couldn't help comparing this experience to approaching Uther.

Whenever he was meeting with his father, Arthur was expected to show no weakness, no flaws. He had to look the part of the warrior prince, trained since birth and hardened by battle. However, here with Emrys, Arthur was dressed in comfortable clothes and told to simply ask for Emrys's presence before the altar. He didn't need a sacrifice or penance or any sort of challenge to summon Emrys. All that the druids told him was to "call for him, and Emrys will answer."

Placing one hand gently on the wooden surface of the intricately carved altar, Arthur cleared his throat wetly before saying aloud to the empty space in front of him,

"Emrys, I'm... I'm not sure if you're here, but I'm your- your son, Arthur. You probably know me already, though, since you've been helping me and protecting me for a long time now. I- I wanted to thank you for your help. So, I would appreciate it if you could appear, so I could meet you and thank you in person."

There, Arthur thought that was a pretty good introduction! This was his first time meeting his new father, so he needed to make a good first impression!

Arthur stood, awkwardly shifting on his feet as he tried to push down his disappointment with each passing moment that Emrys did not appear. Maybe Arthur did it wrong? Maybe Emrys hadn't heard him? Or maybe Emrys had heard him, but was disappointed in Arthur and deemed him a weak son, just like Uther had?

As Arthur tried to swallow down his hurt, suddenly, there was a bright flash of light above the altar. It was so bright that Arthur had to throw his hand in front of his eyes and turn away, but his heart leapt at the sight.

Was this it?! Was he about to meet his creator and have another chance at having a father?

As soon as he could, Arthur lowered his hand and opened his eyes, anxiously awaiting his first glimpse at Emrys! As the light died down, Arthur was able to make out the outline of something...

As the light slowly dwindled, Arthur could see a bright, glowing ball of golden light, very similar to the one that had saved him from that cave so many years ago, floating above the altar. His eyes widened as he realized what, or more likely who, this light must be.

Emrys was a god after all, Arthur really shouldn't have assumed that he'd look like a human. The god of magic taking a human form, what a crazy idea!

Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Arthur called out to the light.

"Emrys? Is that you?"

At his words, the light floated down from the altar until it was hovering right in front of Arthur, an arm's reach away. Arthur fought the urge to reach out and touch the light, just to see if it was real and not just a product of his own wishful thinking.

After a couple seconds, the ball of light flashed, and Arthur heard what sounded like multiple voices coming from it, speaking in unison.

"Hello Arthur. I'm so glad to finally be able to meet you. I am Emrys."

(Elsewhere, Merlin mentally patted himself on the back for making his soul-self sound sufficiently inhuman and speak in a manner that was completely unlike his usual self. Arthur couldn't possibly figure his identity out now!)

Arthur let out a sound that was something between a joyful laugh and a sob. Emrys actually came! Clearing his throat, Arthur tried to calm down his excitement and nerves and put on his best diplomat voice. He needed to start off strong here!

"I'm glad that we could meet as well. It's come to my attention that I have many things to thank you for, including Camelot's victory over Morgana in our latest battle. You might have saved all of Camelot, and I owe you a debt of gratitude."

Emrys silently floated in place for a moment, making Arthur sweat with nervousness. Had he already blown his one chance of having a caring parent?

Finally, Emrys's... orb body (what else was Arthur supposed to call it?!) glowed again and spoke with his multiple voices overlapping in harmony.

"You do not owe me anything, Arthur. There are no debts between us. We are family, tied together by our very souls. You never have to feel indebted to me for protecting you and Camelot. I do it not for a reward or recognition, but because I care for you."

Arthur's eyes misted over as he took in Emrys's words. How many times had he wished to hear anything like that from Uther? How many nights had he lied awake wondering what unconditional love from a parent would feel like?

As tears started silently rolling down Arthur's face, Emrys drifted closer to him. Arthur was startled by this move and didn't really know how to respond. Hesitantly, he lifted his hands to ball of light, unsure of what to do.

Slowly, the light moved towards Arthur's outreached hands. Arthur almost expected to flinch back upon contact, but instead, when his hands finally touched the ball of light itself, he was only met with a warm, comforting sensation, and he instantly relaxed and leaned into it. The only thing he could compare it to were those warm hugs that Merlin gave him whenever he felt down, which he would never admit to Merlin that he enjoyed.

Arthur gently guided the light closer, until he was hugging it against his chest and that wonderful warm fuzzy feeling was spreading through his entire body. Arthur wondered if this counted as getting a hug from his father, and then immediately decided that the answer was yes. And his new father apparently gave very good hugs.

Arthur stayed with Emrys for several more minutes, until the sun was setting. From there, Emrys told him that he had spent too much time in the mortal realm and couldn't hold his form for much longer without taking time to rest. Panicking, Arthur asked if he would be able to see Emrys again, he couldn't lose his new father so soon after meeting him!

Emrys reassured him that they'd see each other again soon and that he'd be by Arthur's side the whole time, even if Arthur couldn't see him. Comforted by this news, Arthur bid his new father farewell, and the ball of light slowly dissipated.

Arthur then returned to Merlin and his knights, who had a million questions for Arthur. Arthur answered their burning questions as best he could, and they were relieved to see that Arthur was safe and not scarred by the experience of talking to the god of magic.

The next day, they returned to Camelot, and Arthur soon realized that even if he couldn't see Emrys himself, he could certainly the effects that Emrys had on the world around him.

Arthur never fell sick, his rooms were never too hot or too cold, his muscles were never sore from training, his attackers that snuck into the castle never managed to land a hit on him, his kingdom's crops prospered, and a million other things went right in Arthur's life, and for the very first time, Arthur understood.

Magic loved him. And, more importantly, his father loved him.

And it didn't escape other people's notice either. He had told the knights that he had brought with him to the druid camp to not discuss the revelation of his relationship to Emrys, but one knight got drunk at the tavern and told his friend, and someone overheard, and now everyone in the kingdom had heard the news that King Arthur was apparently the son of a god.

The fact that Arthur had secretly prayed for Emrys's help when Gaius reported about a deadly plague in the lower town, only for Emrys to immediately appear again as a ball of light in the middle of a council meeting in front of dozens of witnesses didn't help Arthur keep it a secret either.

(Meanwhile, Merlin hears all of Arthur's prayers for Emrys. He's able to take care of most of Arthur's concerns just as Merlin, but a very powerful/emotional prayer from Arthur actually summons him in his "Emrys" form, leading to some awkward moments, but he makes it work for Arthur's sake.)

On the bright side of Arthur's heritage being revealed, other kingdoms were now much more open to peaceful negotiations and trade deals.

And on one occasion where a very foolish king tried to declare war on Arthur, the enemy king's army only made it a hundred yards of Camelot's forces before the earth itself broke open into a wide chasm that started swallowing the leaders of the enemy army whole. No one was stupid enough to attempt an attack on Camelot after that.

Life goes on like this for about a year, until Arthur catches Merlin using magic for some mundane purpose. Arthur is shocked of course, but magic has been legal for a while now. When he questions Merlin on where he learned magic from, Merlin stammers and says "Well... uh, Emrys..."

Arthur cut Merlin off, yelling because apparently his father was teaching Merlin magic behind his back?! What was that about!

Merlin then decides to take this misunderstanding and roll with it, because there's no way in hell that he's looking Arthur in the eyes and telling him that he's actually Arthur's magical father.

Merlin spins a story about how Emrys had been slowly teaching Merlin magic so Merlin could help Arthur out and always have someone nearby with magic to protect him! Arthur accepts this story, but is secretly a little bit jealous. How come Emrys chose to teach Merlin magic and not his own son?

After Arthur asks Emrys about this, Emrys apologizes to Arthur, saying that he didn't know if Arthur would be interested. He then starts trying to teach Arthur magic (to pretty much no success). To further apologize to Arthur, Emrys gives him a gift! Emrys had apparently heard about how Uther had forbidden Arthur from having a pet as a child despite Arthur begging for one, so Emrys decided to remedy this by giving Arthur a baby dragon to take care of and to train to protect Camelot.

Everyone else is alarmed by this, but Arthur is almost moved to tears because he loves the little dragon so much already!

And this au is already wayyyy too long, so I'll cut it off there! I'm tempted to call this the "Arthur gets catfished into a healthy parental relationship" au lol!

I hope you all enjoyed this au! Sorry about it being longer than usual, but I had a lot that I wanted to write about this au idea! And if you want to see even more of this au, feel free to let me know if you'd like a continuation!

And, as always, thank you for reading through my (very long) ramblings! :D

[vpgoldenrod]

Aziraphale's Haunted Look: On Being Forcibly Outed and Exiled From The Garden

While we're all talking about Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss, I'm surprised by those who thought Aziraphale looked disgusted because that's not an emotion I'd seen in him at all. There's sadness, and confusion, and anger, but I couldn't remember seeing disgust. When I watched the scene again I realized there's something else going on that really struck a chord with me. It's an uncomfortably familiar look.

He feels exposed. And I know what it feels like to be exposed in such a violent and intimate way.

Stay with me, I promise this is relevant to my analysis.

I didn't know what being transgender meant when I was a kid. Being raised in a fundamentalist Christian house meant that I wasn't exposed to those ideas, so I lived my life feeling like something was always just kind of broken. It was like I was looking right through the problem at other things, trying to alleviate symptoms without understanding why they existed in the first place. I eventually met other trans people, who gently nudged me in the direction of my truth. I even became aware that I had experienced some minor dysphoria. Every time I came close to acknowledging the truth however, my eyes would once again begin to glaze over the problem. I always managed to subconsciously shove it back into a little box and move on with my life. It was like I accidentally “did a big miracle” and hid this truth from myself so well that I continually forgot it was there.

Til one day I had an encounter that changed everything.

We're friends now but oddly enough, it was only meant to be a fling. I won't go into too many details because it's not just my story, but it was a lovely time that culminated with us meeting and doing what adults do. The person I was with, a cis man, silently clocked me the minute we were face to face. For reasons I now understand, without warning and in the middle of our shared intimate experience, he decided to talk dirty to me as if I were a gay man.

No one had ever spoken to me like that before. It had never occurred to me to ask anyone to do that, or that anyone would want to. I was in an intimate space and filled with the typical emotions and endorphins one has during sex, but it was a fling. I had walls up. So for the first time in my life, in this incredibly vulnerable position, someone grabbed me by my lapels and forced me to face a deep truth about myself that I'd spent decades silently dancing around. It was a blunt, irrefutable truth and it hit like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. He saw me when I was very much not trying to be seen, and there's few things more terrifying than that.

Even now, years later, I have such a hard time putting into words the overwhelming emotions I felt that night. There were so many, and yet somehow I can see every single one of the emotions I felt in Aziraphale's face when Crowley lets him go. My heart breaks all over again seeing how exposed he felt. He can barely make eye contact until he stumbles onto the one emotion that gives him his agency back: anger.

Gabriel shows up to the bookshop completely naked. When a bewildered Aziraphale points it out Gabriel says, “Who told you I was naked?”

But that's not how the story goes.

God looks for Adam in the garden, but he hides from her. He eventually tells God, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid myself.”

Then God asks Adam, “Who told you you were naked?” And of course Adam knows he is naked because he ate the apple.

I've made jokes about Crowley being the apple that bit Aziraphale, but I forgot the bit that happens afterwards. He is aware of his own nakedness. He is exposed. To God, to Crowley, and to himself. As a result he is exiled from the safety of his Eden. Man, if this isn't the perfect analogy for being forcibly outed I don't know what is.

This show is so gay you guys.

[fishhawish]

Can I have a yandere Miss Circle and Mr Demi x Fem reader?

I seriously have like 5 almost finished requests and the writing block hit me so hard because the only thing I wanna write about is FPE rn

Anyways

Remember that it is not okay to act like this in real life and if you do feel this way I'd advise you to get professional help.

Miss Circle❤️

• She's already murderous as is. Now she's obsessed with her co-worker and murderous? That's wonderful.

• She wouldn't dare let You catch her harming a student for a failing grade. She needs to always look innocent in front of you.

• She always tries to eat lunch with you if possible, and she packs some of the weirdest lunches too.

• She gets upset when you call her demon horns a cat ears, but she doesn't show it and just giggles.

• Her confidence can get overwhelming, she'll leave notes for you on your door asking for a date with something like "You're pretty >:3" and stuff.

• Occasionally she tries to pack you lunches but her own lunches are questionable so sometimes you have to pretend to like it.

• She can canonically change her height at any time and usually remains at 9'7, but she's used her ability to change in order to spy on you.

• She probably has atleast one picture of you guys together from a teacher meeting or something

Confession

You turn around to see someone approach you in the teachers lounge while you're getting water. "Hello there, I was questioning about something." She says confidently. However after getting to know her, you could see she was slightly nervous. "Yes miss circle?" You look at her smiling politely. The faint blush creeping onto her face as she tells you how much she admires you and that she adores you. "I've never felt such emotions. I never thought I'd say this to someone like you, but will You go out with me?"

Acceptance

You look at her smiling, heart feeling like it's going to burst out of your chest at any moment. "Yes, I will." You say to her somewhat flustered. The 9'7 demon lady giggling in excitement, happy beyond what words could ever explain. "Let's meet up tonight at 7pm after school" she said before running out of the teachers lounge with her inhumane speed. Later that night she meets you at your house, dressed neatly for the occasion. The simple yet beautiful picnic in the sunset was definitely something she'd always remember forever.

Rejection

"I'm sorry Miss Circle, I don't reciprocate." You said looking away from her. She silently walks out of the room with no hint of any emotion or expression she's feeling right now. When you went home at night you couldn't help but feel like you where being followed. She picks you up from behind, using her compass to keep you stable off of the ground sandwiched between her and her arm. With her other hand she drugs you to sleep. You never had a choice anyway.

★

Mister Demi💚

• So shy when he met you, he tried to hide away to the library. Unfortunately for him you where in front of the teacher lounge exit so he had no escape.

• Fell for You when he watched how caring and compassionate You are with the students. He's seen what some other teachers do and he's not fond of it..

• Wrote a whole song for You on the piano but won't ever show you. He's to scared that you might dislike it or be uninterested.

• He doesn't know what he's feeling and so he panics, like, a lot. He talks to Miss Sasha about it and she tries her best to explain to him that he's having a crush but it just makes him panic more.

• A crush soon turns into infatuation and he's too deep in. He starts panicking immediately noticing that this isn't healthy. He's seen normal couples and none of them act the way he wants to act.

• Also cries to Miss Sasha about the unhealthy infatuation but she's ends up more concerned about his mental over his feelings.

• Gets urged by Miss Sasha to seek professional help so he gets therapy (which he's terrified about) but the feelings don't stop.

• Literally acts like a fan girl after you talk to him or even breathe the same air as him.

Confession

Miss Sasha walking up to you during lunch with second hand embarrassment, note neatly tucked away into the pocket of her shorts. She politely starts up some small talk with you before getting to the point. "Sorry to bother you but, Mister Demi has feelings for you. He sent me over with a note to give to you." She smiles at you handing over the note. The note says "I really like being around you, you're so pretty. Please like me back. I'm sorry"

Acceptance

"Miss Sasha, please tell him I feel the same." You say to her giggling. She's so excited to watch your and his new relationship blossom. Sasha does however tell you about the obsessive behavior and that he is getting professional help for it. Although you are very keen on staying with him to help him though it. She's so proud of both of you, and herself for being the amazing wing woman she totally is. She goes back to Mister Demi who's sitting across the lunchroom. When he hears the news he is joyus. But he also slams his head down to the table in embarrassment. He's really shy but gathers enough courage from Sasha cheering him on and you both exchange numbers.

Rejection

"I'm sorry Miss Sasha, I don't believe I know Mister Demi well enough to form an opinion or feelings." She smiles and nods understandingly. However she whispers to you about the obsessive behavior and warns you about it. You're absolutely shocked. Glancing over to him immediately feeling uncomfortable. Sasha returning to Mister Demi with the news and handing him back the note. His whole world falls apart in front of everyone. He can't handle rejection well. He goes into a depressive and desperate state. Changing everything about him so that you'll love him. Eventually you don't even recognize him anymore until you realized how shy he is.

[dragonrider9905]

Celebrating You!

Hi guys! I’ve been on here for a bit now and while I never had a follower goal, I do appreciate you guys who have decided to follow me! So now I’d like to celebrate you!

In light of TBB ending, and how much we'll be missing the boys, I thought this was as good as a time as ever!

Here’s the idea! I’m opening a prompt request for the dates of April 5th through May 5th, 2024 (you may start submitting now though!) and choose from the prompts below! You can choose one from each category, or just one category. It’s ok if it is just the prompt or the prompt and a brief idea. If you have a fun idea or prompt not listed, please share!

Rules: I only write SFW. I typically write for clones; I reserve the right to refuse requests which make me uncomfortable for whatever reason. I have had a few requests in the past that really unsettled me for various reasons. Or if I don't know the character. I'd hate to try to write something then upset the person because it is so ooc that it's cringy. (But if I said I would write your request and haven't yet, I just honestly haven't gotten to it :D I like to do well on the stories you guys entrust to me so it does take me a bit :D)

This is supposed to be fun so lets keep it fun!

You may submit as many requests as you'd like! The more the merrier!

Characters: Star Wars Clone Wars or The Bad Batch (as long as I know them. I know a lot of clones but alas, not all.)

Story genre:

Classic SW! (Pick an era if they exist in more than one if you wish)

AU of choice (modern, western, pirate, mermaid, time traveling, etc if I’m unfamiliar with the genre, I may have to change it or request more details)

Dialogue Prompts:

“Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

“If we’re going to do this we’ll need—“ “A plan?” “No! Code names! Cool ones!”

“I don’t need to be anything to you. I just want my life to mean more to you than my death.”

“You are playing a dangerous game without even a glimpse of the rule book.”

“I’ve never been terrified of death, til he set his sights on you.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” “Yeah, you’re not allowed to ask that in this situation.”

“Where’s your shoe?” “The giant mud puddle in the road demanded a sacrifice.”

“Love at first sight doesn’t exist.” “Then how else do I describe the feeling I got when I first saw you?” “You…love me?” “Apparently not, according to you.”

“A fate worse than death….” “They’re burnt cupcakes.”

“White paint has more color than your face.”

“Why is there a dragon in my fridge?” “It was hot.”

“Touch **, and you’re dead.”

“I am the law.”

“Do that again and I’ll throw you out the window. Wait, what are you doing?” “Checking how high the drop is; seeing if it’s worth it.”

“I’d rather have you hate me than loose you entirely.”

“I have a mission but don’t know what it is.” “Well that sounds incredibly counterproductive.”

“I would like to join you in acknowledging the difficulties in your life.” “You are the worst at this comforting thing.”

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this but I’m quite petite.” “Really? I had no idea in our twelve years of friendship that you’re shorter than I am.”

“But what is power?” “Loyalty.”

“Don’t you sign to me in that tone.”

“I’m with him/her for better or worse.” “It’ll probably be worse.” “I knew that the day I met him/her.”

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you." "It's fine, but next time you should try harder."

"C'mon, like I need an excuse to spend time with you."

"You're not as bad as everyone says you are."

"The only one who gets to kill you is me."

“blood loss”? well it’s not lost. I know exactly where it went. right over there.”

“How the mighty have fallen!” “It’s a dropped chocolate bar, stop being dramatic.”

“Shit, we’re gonna die” “Now I don’t want to hear that negative attitude, look on the bright side!” “Yay! We’re gonna die! Woo!”

“How do you do it?” “How do I do what?” “Pretend you are ok.” “I’m not pretending.” “Yes, you are. Every single day and it breaks my heart.”

“Hey, so I know things are pretty f**** shitty right now but I need you to breathe for me.” “Wha-wh-wh-” “You’re having a panic attack. It’s gonna be ok. Just breathe with me.”

“Please, my arms—I can’t wipe my tears, don’t let them see!”

"Smiles are contagious!" "Don't worry, I'm vaccinated."

"I don't want to get involved, it's too risky." "Please do it for me, you're the only one I can turn to." "It's not worth it. You really want to lose everything? 'cause I don't."

"Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself?" "No"---a long pause---"actually yes, at Christmas time"

"There is a reason I go through that door first, It's to make sure everyone else walks back out"

“I can’t leave you here!” “You can and you will.”

"OH! Are you alright? Are you alright?" "Apart from being trapped under here, and maybe suffering from broken bones and embarrassment beyond what I am capable of handling. . . I'm dandy, why do you ask?"

Oh no, are you alright? You're covered in blood!" "Yes, it's yours, Now will you please let me take you to the hospital?"

"What did love ever do anything for anyone anyway?"

"What the hell were you even thinking?!" "You told me not to think!"

"With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it was all worth it. There's no greater gift than love."

“'Temporary stitches' all stitches are temporary if you have a pair of scissors and aren’t a coward" "What do you....that better not mean what I think you mean......" "Am I just talking about sewing stitches or sutures too? Maaayyybe?" "NO! Absolutely not!"

"I made the calculations, and boy am I bad at math."

"It'll be over soon, I promise."

"Working together again, just like old times." "Well, not just like old times."

"I am many things but not your enemy."

Action Prompts:

Forehead kisses

Palm/hand kisses

Dramatic rain scene

Touching foreheads

Jealousy

Dancing

Last stand

Christmas/Life Day celebration

mistletoe

Accidental hand touch

First date

First kiss

Spending time with the family

Bad day cheering up scheme

Pranks

Going to a pet shop

Going to the movies

Always go after the girl

soft spoken person has loud, unnerving scream.

Lullabies

Nightmares

injury

amnesia

pretend/mistaken to be married/in a relationship

cooking

[crsssie]

from one admirer to another : easter?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as scrambled eggs // leon as christmas

CHRISTMAS.

THE MAGAZINE??? YOU DIDN'T NEED TO. Ugh, that's so sweet of you. There's no way I know who you are since there are so many signatures, and the fact that they all signed? Crying. You ever ugly cried? because I just did. When I saw that package, I cried. You cried. We crode. How the HELL did you get Ada Wong to sign it too? You literally said she didn't sign it? YOU LIAR???? I'm going to kiss you.

Wow?? Face card so good that you get hit on in France? Where all of those super attractive people are too? Crazy. What I'd do to have someone fall in love with me at first sight like that. I think my face card is only good in the context of... editing? Who knows. My friend insists my face card is lethal like hers but I mean... hard to beat her face card at all.

Welcome back to Raccoon! Hope you got to enjoy France to its top potential. Take me with you next time? I miss only parts of it. Maybe a Europe trip would be better? Hm. Well, not my problem I don't think.

I took up dogsitting with another model from my agency the other day! Cute little guy ran up to me when I was touching grass laying under the sun and I decided to help the poor girl out haha. He was so cute! Full of energy just like his name suggested. Ugh, I miss the little guy already. I'd ask Claire who the owner is but I don't want to accidentally be set up with some random guy from our agency. Terrifying thought.

I shaped Sesame Bun's food into eggs today (she was not impressed) but my roommate got a photo of her little pouty face so I think everything's okay haha.

Best, steamed eggs SCRAMBLED EGGS (oh god)

"Sweetheart." Ada smiles, Leon's envelope in her hand. "I met your penpal in Paris."

"You did?"

"Yeah." She mumbles. "Familiar guy. I know who he is."

"I don't really... not your place." You offer her a smile.

"I know. I wasn't going to tell you. I just met him in Paris while he was writing to you."

"Is he a bad person?"

"By all means, no." She hums. "You want noodles?"

"Give me two soy sauce eggs and I'll call it a deal."

"That's bad for your cholesterol." She sighs.

"Please?" You huff. "For prying into my life. I know you do it for safety and because you're scared, but I don't appreciate it."

"I understand, but how does that have to do with your diet?"

"Because... I'm hungry?" You tilt your head.

"You really don't want to know?"

"Not really." You hum. "They'll tell me eventually."

"Alright..." She shrugs. "You might know them better than you think, though."

"Yes, love. Can I have my eggs now?"

"Yeah." She pauses. "It's the guy you kissed on New Year's"

"WHAT"

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[saintsir4n]

EXPLOSION

BRIAN was trying to help Letty. When everyone found out, it didn't go down well. Dom thought it was a lie at first and it ended up in a fight that Carson had to stop. Their feud was cut short when they had to get shit done. Braga kept gunning for them. Dom got shot, well grazed but that didn't stop Mia and Keelie from fussing over him. Carson grilled him and ranted about wearing a bulletproof vest but he was in too much pain to listen.

The days were getting more dangerous.

Carson fought one of Braga's men alongside Brian who was almost taken out and it terrified her. First Dom and now Brian could've been next. Every time she tried thinking about anything else she was reminded of what happened to Jesse.

Fuck.

She walked past the garage filled with the guys. They saw the worry on her face but she ignored them all.

Keelie begrudgingly let Brian follow her into the kitchen.

"You okay?" he asked, seeing her lean against the counter, staring out the window.

She sighed, turning around to face him, "You can't seem to stay away can you?"

"I wanted to check on you," he explained, readjusting his hoodie.

"So you and Dom made up?" she deflected.

A smile briefly graced his face, "I guess."

"Like some married couple," she muttered, fumbling with her hands.

"You did always say we had a bromance," he said, coming closer.

She hummed, "Got that right."

"You get a lotta things right."

She frowned, "No, no I didn't." I was wrong about you. That went without saying.

"You didn't answer my question," he pressed, worried about her.

"Why do you care if I'm okay?" Her face scrunched up, "It's been years Brian."

"Yeah, it has. But I haven't stopped caring. when you left town I was a mess. In Miami, I begged Suki to tell me where you were, just to see if you were okay," he now towered over her, caging her in against the counter like he did all those years ago. Brian knew what he was doing and she couldn't help but let it happen. "I haven't stopped caring about you because I haven't stopped loving you."

Tears pooled in her brown pools, "Don't say that."

His hands reached to cup her cheeks, "You love me too. I know you're still in love with me, and If you weren't, you would've let me take that bullet today. You didn't. You saved me when one of Braga's men tried taking me out." He could've died today. They both could've died today. Every second counted, every moment mattered. And he couldn't allow her to slip through his fingers like she did before. He needed her. "Just when I thought I couldn't love you anymore, Sonny."

"I told you what I'd do if you called me that," she mumbled, leaning into his touch.

"Want me to go and get my badge?" She couldn't help but laugh at that. "I think it's in the middle of some Ocean. I don't know."

"Really?" She asked quietly, heart beating out of her chest as their fronts pressed against each other.

"Should've seen me throw that thing like some pitcher for the mets," he kept joking.

Carson tried hiding her smile, but he could see straight through her.

"You've aged, you know that, right?" It was her turn to joke, but they both knew she was being serious.

His hair was shorter than ever. A few lines creased his forehead. But to her, he still looked fine as hell. After all, he was 30.

"Yeah, you haven't," he smiled, shocked that she still looked the same after 5 years.

"Obviously," She paused, "Your eyes have stayed the same. Still beady and shit."

"Beady?" he grinned, rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks, "I thought you said I was a pretty boy."

"Maybe."

"Maybe, huh?" he was leaning in, closer and closer. "We're pretty people."

"We are."

"Especially you," he whispered, tipping her head up, so their lips almost touched.

"You got that right," she murmured, "but there's something you need to know," he nodded, trailing his hands over her arms and down to the hem of her shirt. "You know that present you got me, the ornament thing? I dashed it out the window when I left LA."

Her confession didn't stop him from pulling off his hoodie.

"I'll get you another one," he promised, kicking the door shut and dragging a chair under the handle.

She gasped when returned to her and his lips peppered over her neck, “You’ll get me another one?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re gonna get me more?” She panted, letting him lift up her shirt.

“And more,” he nodded, pulling his shirt over his head, “and more and more.”

Her arms finally snaked around his shoulder, pulling him into a feverish kiss that both of them had been waiting for, yearning for. Years of love, hatred and wanting poured between them. It was hot and sloppy and they didn't stop. They couldn't stop.

Clothes dropped to the floor, and shoes were kicked to the side before he picked her up and set her on the counter, grinding against her.

"Fuck," she moaned when his fingers moved to pleasure her, nipping at her thighs and pushing aside her thong. She whimpered at his touch. He didn't care for silencing her. He wanted to hear more. She shifted forwards at the feeling of him pinching her clit. "God, don't stop."

"Wasn't planning on it," His eyes hooded when her back arched, letting a finger slip through her core. His pace sped up, drawing more delicious noises from her lips. "Look at me," his demand forced her fluttering eyes open, "That's it, look at me," he added another finger, basking in the arousal dripping between her thighs.

"More," she pleaded.

"More?" His mocked, pulling his hand away. Whining, she pouted with glossy eyes. "You'll get what you want, baby."

The pet name swelled her heart.

But the sight of him pulling down his boxers and feeling of him unclipping her bra made her spread her shaky legs.

Brian couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"Look at me like that, and I'll have the whole house hearing us."

"It's too late for that, Sonny," he chuckled, pulling her in for another kiss, moaning against her lips when she reached for his dick and lined him up against her, "You don't know what you do to me." With one deep thrust, she whimpered, and he grunted against her. "You're so beautiful. Fuck I love you," Words spewed out of his mouth before he could think. "So tight," he didn't pick up the pace, he was slow and passionate.

Her nails dug into his back as his head dropped into the crook of her neck, sucking and nipping against her skin.

His hands hooked around her thighs and angled her up, making his movements deeper. He couldn't stop, her moans fuelled him.

"Baby," he rasped, voice thick and breathy, it managed to turn her on even more, "You're close," he could feel it. "Let go," his thrusts were getting sloppier.

A minute passed and the pair were a panting mess, Brian had spilt into her without regret. Cresent-shaped marks dotted around his back and bruises scattered over her chest and neck.

"Claiming your territory huh?" she jested, to which he laughed at. "I love you," she admitted for the first time, taking him by surprise. "I'm still in love with you."

Their lips met once again in a gentle kiss.

"I love you," he repeated over and over again.

And just when he was about to clean her up, the door rattled, but the chair prevented whoever was in the other side from opening it.

"If I see a white ass or pale cheek when I get in, someone is getting shot," they heard Keelie scream, making them both laugh.

a/n:

sometimes when i write smut i cringe myself out but tell me your thoughts on sonny and brian making up.

[peterparkouryo]

no way remedy | ꕥ

before the storm | ꕥ

warnings: fluff. angst

word count: 3.7k

a/n: i just want to say this story was made in january of 2022 so the writing is horrible 😭 istg it’ll get better after chapter three

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ taglist

YOUR DATE WITH PETER WAS GOING AMAZING. You'd never would had thought someone like him could be such a romantic. Not that you're complaining, but given how long you've known the boy, it was hard to assume he could be the movie sort of romantic guy.

Your date consisted of a walk in Central Park ( a classic) and some ice cream from the local convenient store because fall was approaching rather quickly and the ice cream truck was no longer in season.

Now to be fair, you were never a hopeless romantic type, but when you had met Peter, he changed your life (in more ways than some). He had made you see the colour you were too blind to see because your life was always filled with darkness by choice. He helped you be more optimistic than pessimistic as you always were. You felt as if Peter was the sun to your moon, and sure that was probably cheesy but it was the honest truth.

Currently, you two were hand in hand, walking to your apartment instead of swinging, because you were afraid of heights and of course you trust Peter with your entire life, but being more than three feet above the ground was a terrifying thought.

When you had found out about your boyfriend being the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, it was when you and your friends were on the school trip that quickly turned to hell. You had always had an inkling that he was your city's hero, but you were never really sure. It wasn't until your sister Michelle, told you her suspicions as well, and you were eyeing him ever since. Of course you only eyed him for that one reason, well that's not true, you had eyed him because one, you wanted to know if he was Spider-Man, and two, you had an major crush on him.

It wasn't major per se, but every time you secretly read a romance novel, you'd picture the two main characters were yourself and Peter, an insane thing to think, but you couldn't help it.

After the school trip, and Mysterio's pandemonium, Peter confessed just how much he liked you, which was a total surprise to you. You had always thought it was one sided, and he had his eyes set on your sister, but it only seemed that way because the boy is truly just that awkward. 

You're glad things are the way they are for now.

"So, same time tomorrow?" Peter asked, swinging your hands back and fourth, the upcoming August wind blowing mercifully against your faces.

"A second date?" You quizzed, gazing at him with a small smile.

Peter shrugs.

"Sure, why not." He smiled back, giving your hand a soft squeeze.

Given this was your first official date after all the chaos that happened on your trip, you couldn't really say no to a second one, knowing that since this one went without problems and normality, the second one shouldn't be as bad.

"I'd love to." You beamed just as you two arrived at your apartment building.

"Awesome." Peter smiled, letting go of your hand, watching your figure walk to the building's doubled doors as you opened it, stopping in your tracks to turn around to give him a final wave, which he reciprocated. 

Your building wasn't fancy, not that you mind, and you were grateful you had a place to live, to be able to go to sleep in a nice warm not so comfy bed.

You walked up the stairs to your complex, and you would had took the elevator if it wasn't broken for the fourth time this month.

Your phone dinged with a notification, a text from Peter asking if you made it to your door okay, and your heart flutters at his thoughtful concern. You reply with a 'yes', grabbing your key from the back of your pocket and putting it in the keyhole before unlocking it.

Once you entered the abode, you're hit with a familiarity of books, the pages either crumbled or worn out with a tear. The soft noises of the TV in the living room filling your ears and being the curious person you are, you travel to the noise.

Your father is sitting on the couch, watching an old show made in the sixties, a habit you adored about him.

"Hey." You greet him, setting down the flower Peter had gave you when he arrived at your apartment, into an empty flower vase on the end table next to the couch.

"Hey hun, how was your hangout with your friend?" He asked, turning his attention away from the TV to look at you.

"Dad for the last time, it was a date, not a hangout." You corrected, rolling your eyes as you fixed the flower into the vase.

You had told your father about the date, and also about the fact you were dating Peter, but he was either forgetful or just didn't really like the idea of you dating anyone. Peter tried his hardest to make your dad appreciate him, but it was pointless, and that may be because your dad did not care about his attempts of overawe.

"Oh, right. With Peter?" He quizzed, raising an eyebrow.

You hum out your response, flipping over the ceramic flower necklace attached to your neck.

It was a white astrantia flower, one of the petals cracked, but you didn't mind, it still had special meaning and gave it a sort of character, you suppose. Peter had given it to you shortly before his confession back in London on the landmark bridge. He rambled about what it meant to you and why he was going to give it to you and you only had smiled and gave his cheek a quick peck to shut him up.

The flower meant a lot to you, because anyone and everyone you met had told you how strong you were and how you would be the first to defend anyone you cared for. Your bravery was an inspiration to others, something Peter would remind you of any chance he got.

"Your sister should be home from her shift shortly." You hear your dad tell you as you make your way to your bedroom.

You say nothing, going to your bedroom and closing the door.

Your room wasn't much, just a room filled with shelfs of clutter and books, notes of affirmation attached to your wall near your closet, and Polaroids above the headboard of your bed that consisted of pictures from your trip and adventures with MJ.

Your favourite polaroid was your recent one with Peter, the two of you sharing a ice cream, but instead of the two of you being a cliche and licking it, you were holding up the cone as ice cream melted, a bright smile adorning your face as Peter reciprocated it, his hand also nursing the waffle cone.

You grabbed a pin from the drawer of the nightstand near your bed, your grip on the polaroid picture, closing the drawer and climbing on your bed holding the picture to the pinboard.

Before you could put the photo on the pinboard your sister practically bursts through your bedroom door, causing you to drop the polaroid, it slipping between your headboard and falling under your bed. You mutter a curse, getting off your bed and turning your gaze toward MJ.

"Sup, loser." She greets with a straight face, decorated in her work attire, her teal shirt with a hint of pink on the end of the sleeves the same pink colour also peaking from her collar, a mess.

"What happened?" You question, ignoring her greeting as you gestured toward her shirt that had a few stains.

"Some moron didn't know how to drink coffee, and I tripped with a donut in my hand." MJ shrugs, going over to your bed before laying down with a huff.

You nod, doing the same.

"Sounds horrific." You say, placing your hands on your stomach.

"How was your movie cliche date with spider boy?" MJ asked with a hint of curiosity. 

It made sense sister knew Peter was Spider-Man. You had nothing to do with her finding out, she told you how it was kind of obvious to begin with and she confronted him before things took turn for the worst during your time in London.

"It was," You started, pondering your thoughts as the curly haired girl expectingly looked at you. "Surprisingly great." You finished with a smile, your sister rolling her eyes.

"I always knew he'd turn you sappy." She sighed, sitting up from the bed, scanning your room.

You roll your eyes as well, staring at the ceiling.

"You're just jealous." You say back.

"I have Ned." MJ joked, causing you to chuckle.

"You apply to MIT yet?" She asked quietly, fiddling with her hands.

"Yup, just waiting for the letter." You tell her quickly, feeling your heart tighten in your chest at the mere thought of rejection.

You, MJ, Peter, and Ned had this almost impossible plan to apply for the same college, because you four were just that inseparable and even if you and MJ breathed being introverts, you were genuinely glad you met Peter and Ned. One being your best friend and significant other and the other being your best friend, but together, you'd die for them.

"Same." MJ says with a smile before the girl gets up from your bed and makes her way to your door.

"I'll be with Peter tomorrow for our second date." You tell her randomly.

"Gross." Is the last thing she says, exiting your room as the door closes.

You roll your eyes, dismissing her comment before turning off your light to enter a much needed slumber, anticipating tomorrow, your mind already filling with the things you and Peter could do.

peter parkour: omw, be thesr soon

peter parkour: thers

peter parkour: teher

peter parkour: nvm

you: don't swing and text :)

You quickly stuff your phone in your pocket after sending the message to Peter, warning him about his bad habit of swinging and texting. You were already nervous with the date you didn't expect, but adding him and his hazard swinging to the mix wasn't helping. 

Unfortunately for you, Peter had insisted that you two go on a swinging date, then go to Delmar's, which was at it's third instalment, and he promised for your third date that he would let you pick out what you two could do. You would hold him to that too.

You had hope that your current outfit was too much of a hassle for Peter to navigate with, because you know it would be difficult if he had to swing with you with the outfit you were wearing.

Your outfit wasn't plain, but it also wasn't extravagant either. You had barely just any energy when you were picking it out. You had borrowed a grey cable knit cardigan from MJ's closet, hoping your sister wouldn't notice, but given her observant personality, you doubt she wouldn't. You had paired it with a charlotte skirt you found in your closet with your black high top converses, because well, why not?

It wasn't that you didn't want to swing around with Peter, but you didn't, at all. There was nothing the boy could do that would convince you to do it, not anything that you knew would work. Somehow though, he convinced you anyway saying it would be fun, and a "one time thing only", which you only hoped was true.

A knock at your window broke you from your thoughts, your attention gazing over toward Peter, who was in his newly made suit, the classic red colour now assigned with black.

You send him a smile, going to your window and opening it to let him in.

"Sorry I took too long, there was this whole thing with Happy and May that I had to sort out, then it got all weird so I just left." The boy rambled, entering your room before taking off his mask.

"It's okay." You laughed, fighting the urge to fix his unruly curls.

"You look great, by the way." Peter adds quickly with a flustered face.

It always amazed you at how shy and awkward Peter could be at times when it came to complimenting you, or just giving you words of affirmation at any given time. It quite literally surprised you when he had the guts to ask you to be his girlfriend.

"Thanks, you too." You say just as shyly. You had no idea why you had said that anyway, he was only wearing his Spider-Man suit, but it was still the truth anyhow.

"I only wore this because I didn't want to go swinging." You admitted, watching the boy give you an eye roll.

"I promise it's not that bad, not unless you make it that way." Peter tells you, approaching your figure before taking both your hands in his spandex covered ones.

"And I promise to never let you fall. I will always be the one to catch you." He adds sincerely, and you swear your heart grows three sizes at his words.

Like you said before, Peter always finds a way to give you words of affirmation no matter what.

You give him a shy smile, your cheeks practically burning at his words, giving his left one a peck.

"Alright, let's go before I change my mind." You tell him, the boy letting out a breathy chuckle.

"Okay, okay." Peter says, tugging his mask back onto his face.

"Is MJ here?" He questioned as he exited your room, sticking to the building in front of your window.

"Yeah, why?" You ask, taking a hold of his hand he had it held out for you.

You wrap your legs around his hips, connecting your arms around his neck, clinging onto the boy for dear life and he wasn't even swinging yet.

"Just asking." Peter shrugs, closing your window for you.

"Ready?" He asked, one hand gripping around your waist.

"Never."

"Great!"

Everything happens rather quickly from you two being still at the outside of your window to Peter all too swiftly, without warning swinging you both through the city, your heart pounding wildly against your chest.

"Oh my god!" You scream, closing your eyes as you bypassed buildings, burying your head into his neck.

Your boyfriend seemed to pay no mind to your screeching. It surprised you, supposing you were quite literally screaming into his ear, which you hoped you didn't do too much damage to. However, your heart was no longer in your chest, instead at the bottom of your stomach, you felt like you were going to puke.

What really surprised you throughout this whole torturous swinging was the fact your skirt wasn't a problem at all, not that it would've been anyway because you were smart enough to wear shorts underneath.

"I'm not looking! I'm not looking!" You continue your whines, feeling the swift wind blowing wildly in your face, hearing Peter's cheers as you continue to navigate through the city.

Peter was keened on making sure you felt safe when swinging with him, though you did, it still didn't help with your fear of heights. Sure, you hated this, but you know somewhere deep down inside of you, you enjoyed this, maybe just for a bit though.

You let him be in the moment, him at one point doing some sort of trick where it seemed he was going to drop you, but doesn't, something that made you let out a loud throaty screech in fear.

After awhile though, the swinging thankfully comes to an end after your pleading of asking him to drop you in the middle of Times Square.

When he does, you two land near a lamp post, your hair that was in an up do, probably a mess from the rush of wind you induced. 

"You okay?" Peter concerns, watching your body relax as you catch your breath.

You nod, unable to form any words, your throat aching from all the screaming you did.

"Yeah, just-" You start, "never do that again." You warned him, watching him nod in understanding.

"Ever." You added, making him laugh.

"Alright." Peter reassures.

"You still want to go to Delmar's?" Peter asked unsurely, tilting his head in curiosity. 

You thought about his question for a moment. He did promise you he would, but in all honesty you really didn't feel like it, at least you thought you didn't. Plus Delmar's was all the way in Queens while you two were standing in the middle of Times Square, which wasn't anywhere near the deli.

"Maybe tomorrow?" You suggested raising an eyebrow.

"Oh okay, sure." He agreed.

"I'll just have my dad pick me up, because, you know." You tell him, hoping he caught on to what you were trying to get at.

"Right, understandable." Peter chuckles.

"See you tomorrow?" He questioned, and you give him a nod as your answer before going in for a hug.

You two mutter your goodbyes, you watch the spider boy swing to the lamp post you were near, causing the birds that were sitting there to fly away in alarm.

You were just about to pull out your phone to call your dad to pick you up, the spider boy also about to leave before something on one of the many screens in the Square catch your attention.

"This is breaking news." the anchor from a Led screen announces, dragging most of the civilians who were wandering the Square's attention, as well.

"We come to you know with revelations about last week's attack in London." An anchor on a big screen you were staring at says, Peter turning around to look at another one on a much bigger screen.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, curious as to what new information could possibly be provided.

"An anonymous source provided this video." The anchor says, your eyes gaze to Peter who was already looking down at you. It didn't take a genius to know that he was confused and fearful underneath his mask.

"It shows Quentin Beck, aka Mysterio, moments before his death." The man adds, a small crowd gathering near you to watch the screen.

"A warning, you may find this video disturbing." He adds.

Your head unknowingly tilts in confusion, watching the screen switch from the news man to a video footage of the former villian at the London bridge.

"I managed to send the Elemental through the rift." Beck says fearfully.

"But I don't think I'm gonna make it." He exclaims, and you almost could roll your eyes at his victimized act.

"Spider-Man attacked me for some reason." Beck lies straight through his teeth, you knew it was a bold face one, Peter as well, but you feared the many people that lingered around you who was either watching or not would believe him. You really hoped they didn't.

"He has an army of weaponized drones, Stark technology." He informs wearily, the video glitching every chance it got.

The ironic part about that sentence was that army of drones were his weapon, the same weapon the man used to try to delusion you and your friends, the same weaponized drones that he tried to kill you with. Somehow, he managed to make it seem like Peter was using the Stark technology for bad reasons, which wasn't the case at all.

"He's saying he's the only one who's gonna be the new Iron man." Beck spits out yet another lie.

Your face falls in disbelief, no longer in its curious expression as it was before, you glance at a couple people who had their phones out, recording the scene ahead of them.

The footage then glitches, or cuts to a new footage of Mysterio, or Beck, laying limp on the ground as Peter stood before him, talking to the AI glasses Tony Stark had given him, EDITH.

"Are you sure you want to commence the drone attack?" The AI lady's voice asked.

"There will be significant casualties." She warned.

"Do it. Execute them all." Peter tells, but from your knowledge you can tell the video is heavily edited, chunks of what actually happened cut out for reasons you weren't so sure of.

Gun shots were being fired in the video, most likely destroying the drones, but it probably seemed as if it was doing something way worst, you had no idea since Peter was the only one there, able to know what actually happened.

"This shocking video was released earlier today." The anchor mans says, coming back into frame of the screen, and you feared the worst.

"On the controversial news website." The man adds, and you figured it was probably the Daily Bugle, to which was true since the man says it anyway, the screen cutting to the news website, showing a grumpy old man known as J. Jonah Jameson.

"There you have it folks, conclusive proof that Spider-Man was responsible for the murder of Mysterio." Jameson informed.

You gave your surroundings a quick look over, the crowd that was small much more bigger.

"An interdimensional warrior who gave his life to protect our planet and who will no doubt go down in history as the greatest superhero of all time." You watch the bias anchor say, you were now starting to see why this news website was so controversial, your blood boiling at the praise Beck was receiving undeservingly. 

Peter once again looks at you, and if you weren't so focused on his reaction you'd miss his body demeanour practically pleading for the both of you to get out of there, not wanting to face the public any longer.

You were about to call out his name, but the next words from the screen stops you.

"But that's not all folks." Jameson exclaims, your head snapping back toward the screen in-sync with Peter's.

"Here's the real blockbuster." He says and your face turns into yet another curious expression, your eyebrows furrowed.

"Brace yourselves. You might wanna sit." Jameson warns.

The screen shows Beck once again, the video glitching more evident this time, due to the damage it had most likely faced.

"Spider-Man's real-" The man starts, the video footage glitching. "Spider-Man's real name is-" He tries again, looking around in alert before the screen glitches to black for a second, and your heartbeat quickens, hoping what you think was about to happen didn't.

Unfortunately the screen glitches back to Beck, his face only getting inhumanly bigger on the screen as the worst came to settlement, his final words shocking everyone around you.

"Spider-Man's name is Peter Parker!" Beck exclaims, the video cutting to an familiar image of your boyfriend, being plastered on many Led screens in the Times Square.

"Oh, shit." You say with dread, hearing people gasp in disbelief, a few citizens pointed to your boyfriend who still remained sat on the lamp post.

What was supposed to be an innocent date, turned into something much worst. You had no idea what to do, and you figured neither did Peter, the one who surely whose head probably was exploding with a million thoughts.

[teamhawkeye]

i'm not sure if I'll share every story I have with Ted, still debating on it, because some are such special memories to me now - if you have me on Discord, you've already heard them, anyway, lol

but here are some highlights:

he was super excited to see me the first day dressed as Laura. he absolutely gushed about my cosplay, told me I was the best Laura he'd ever seen, and when he came around the table to take the selfies with me, he asked if he could take some from his own phone, so if you see me on his instagram at some point in the future, SHUSH! lmao

I only paid for one professional shot while dressed as Laura, but he insisted we take two - one "Quarry" pose he picked and then a "normal" pose so while I only got the one physical copy of the "arrest" photo, I got both through the digital downloads, so he essentially netted me a two-for-the-price-of-one on his own

he recognized me the next day when I came up dressed as Lisa and he complimented me on my cosplays and my obvious love of horror. he really likes Silent Hill too and talked about how terrifying the series is

he picked the pose for the Lisa professional shot as well, and told me "why don't you put your hand on my head, and then look down at your other hand like you're checking-" and I was so caught offguard that he wanted me to touch his face but I did my best not to shake as I put my hand on his hair and head xD

when i came back the third day just for an autograph at his table of my copy of The Quarry, he recognized me again and took my hand in both of his and held it while he said how awesome all my costumes had been, how he thought I was one of the best cosplayers there for dressing up all 3 days and doing a unique costume for every day, how rare that was for him to see and how cool he thought that was

we talked for like a good 12 minutes alone about westerns that last day, that was such a fun conversation to have with him, he even recommended me a radio program to look up later and gave me a full plot summary of an episode and midway through, looked over my shoulder at the people waiting behind me, waved dismissively at them and said "eh, they can wait" and kept telling me about the story xD

he also refused to let me pay for my third autograph, saying i shouldn't have to pay since I'd come up to see him every single day, but i had already paid when i first stepped up to the table, so he had me refunded

such an amazing guy - i'm still riding the high of having met him and having so many stories and memories to share of my experience ❤️

[fizzyxcustard]

Anything Is Possible (6)

Masterlist of fan fiction

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Fandom: Robin Hood (BBC TV series)

Pairing: Guy of Gisborne x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, brief smut, violence, mild sexual assault references, graphic depictions of being burned alive.

Summary: From the imagine, “Imagine you and Guy are in love but you are to be married to someone else. It feels like everything is keeping you apart."

Comments: If you would like to be added to or removed from my tag list, please let me know. Lord Edmund is based off Arnold Vosloo (from The Mummy)

It was just before daybreak and Guy lay in his bed, staring at the window. Those prayers hadn't been answered, and he highly doubted now that they would be. Guy would need to take things into his own hands if indeed the proposed plan didn't play out as expected. The concerns that you had voiced the night before had been in Guy's mind all night. Luck had never been on his side in life, so it was something that he had to go and make himself. This would be the last time he ever placed his trust in someone else...

Dawn began to break; orange and gold split through the darkness and spread slowly over the land. All he could think of was you. He could only imagine what your mind must have been doing, and all those questions you were asking and worst case scenarios that you were putting to yourself.

If one thing was going to happen that day, it was that you would be free of Edmund. One way or the other. If the plan went awry, then Guy would make it right, even if it meant him laying down his life to make sure you were safe and happy. He would do it. After all, that was what love was: sacrificial.

*

One of the seamstresses came to your house that morning and helped you with your dress. She was only a young girl, barely of age. Her name was Julia. She was funny and kind, telling you about her previous day when she had accidentally pricked someone with a needle. Despite your fear, you laughed. If only you could have been Julia: carefree, spirited. That side of you had been crushed when your wedding had been announced. Julia reminded you of everything you were when you met Guy, the woman he fell in love with. Now you felt as if you were a mere shell of that former woman.

Julia buttoned your dress at the back and then stopped, her hand pressed gently on your upper arm. "It'll be alright today, Miss," she said softly. Could she feel you shaking?

You couldn't help but lower your head and feel the stinging of tears behind your eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Julia cried out, as she saw your expression after moving back to face you, and pulled a handkerchief from up her sleeve. She offered the flowered cloth to you with a child-like smile.

You dried the tears.

"Word is you were meant to marry Gisborne," Julia said.

You sighed, trying to stop another bout of tears. "Word does travel fast, and yes, I would have hoped that it would have been him I'd be marrying. But Lord Edmund holds sway over my father; he always has. I just don't know why he chose me. Not that I'd have wished this on my sisters."

"Lots of gossip goes on at the castle, Miss. I also heard..."

"You do hear lots of things," you chuckled.

"That I do," she replied innocently. "I heard that Edmund wanted to marry your mother, and that was why he always held that power over your father, and maybe it's because you look the most like your mother as well."

"What stupid things you all talk about!" your mother snapped, entering the room. "Haven't you got lighter subjects to discuss, and not others' private business?"

Julia grew crimson; her cheeks were almost as bright as her red hair. "I meant no offence, Madam."

"Off with you!" your mother shouted. "She's already upset enough."

Julia dashed out of the room, terrified of your mother's temper.

"Was what she said true?" you asked. "Did Edmund want you?"

Your mother's dark gaze met yours. "Yes..."

"What happened?"

"Your grandfather stopped Edmund from marrying me. He allowed me to choose who I wanted. We were only but seventeen at that time, and I was already pregnant with your eldest sister. But I never realised how much of a coward your father is. I hate him for all of this. Because Edmund couldn't have me, he was adamant he would have one of you. When he saw you as a child, he always said you looked like me and chose you. And I was scared of him. I was compliant in all of this. I'm so sorry."

Your mother broke down into sobs, her arms around you. You held her tight and kissed her head. "It's alright."

"I know you have every right to never forgive me for what I did..."

"No, I've never held it against you. I never could."

*

You walked with your mother and father towards the chapel, your veil covering your face. Behind you were your sisters, all following on, holding bouquets of flowers.

The day was cloudy, threatening rain. If today had of been a sunny day, then what a sadistic irony that would have been.

Bells chimed in the distance, welcoming townsfolk to come and celebrate. And as you walked, the closer you got to the chapel and the weaker you felt. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest, your stomach was lurching and your body felt weak. Until you saw him, standing amongst a small crowd that had gathered outside the small chapel. The man you loved. Still dressed in black, as if mourning. From a distance and you could make out the quiver in his lips and throat, and the guilt rose in you. This was a sight you never, ever wanted him to see.

Guy took a deep breath, feeling everything within him crumble at the sight of you, garbed in a dress for another man. And behind your veil, he could imagine your expression. So much sadness.

The chapel filled quickly. Most of the guests you didn't know, with only your small family and Guy being those you recognised. And, of course, the Sheriff. He stood grinning, at the very front of the chapel, on the right hand side pews. For once, there was actually a man you hated more than Vaisey, and he would only seconds later appear.

Vaisey rubbed his hands together. "I do like a wedding," he exclaimed, and then laughed.

Edmund came towards you, his eyes dark and his lips curled upwards into a lecherous smirk. There was a dark bruise and healing cut on his temple, you noticed. Sign of your handiwork. However, not quite good enough.

Your heart thundered even louder, with pulsing in your ears and throat setting up pace.

Suddenly you noticed Mary come in through the doors and dash towards your mother. She looked scared, her eyes wide. Then you looked towards Guy who was a row behind Sheriff Vaisey. He too had clocked Mary's troubled expression.

Then it hit you: nothing was ever as easy as it seemed. Getting out of this marriage would be impossible now. Something had gone wrong.

***

Follow Forever tag list: @lathalea @xxbyimm @linasofia @middleearthpixie @knittastically @guardianofrivendell @luna-xial @meganlpie @eunoiaastralwings @rachel1959 @msjava1972 @lemond57 @missihart23 @sazzlep @quiall321 @the-fragile-heart-of-a-lady @littlebird-99 @glassgulls @heilith @absentmindeduniverse @asgardianhobbit98 @mrsdurin @evenstaredits @catthefearless @aliasauthor @solairewisteria @court-jobi @albionscastle @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms

Guy of Gisborne tag list: @whoooooisthis @puggledy-huggledy-is-not-a-pig @emmyspov

Anything Is Possible tag list: @purplerain85

[thewritersofdeceased]

"Lean on me. I won't let you fall."

(based on a roleplay I've done where race sprains his ankle because he's fucking stupid /aff)

(cough cough @thekingofny @local-ginger-snap I hope this was okay to tag ya in!)

Race didn’t think he’d really get injured to where it hurt like a bitch. That’s for sure. Trying to do a no handed cartwheel, or a one handed cartwheel to say the least and landing the wrong way wasn’t fun. At least it wasn’t on cement. But the grass portion just nearby. He was trying to show off his tricks to a couple younger kids, who seemed to have run off not a far distance from their parents. But it was worth it when it came to everything. They enjoyed it, even convinced their parents to give the kid a penny or so just for the tricks he performed. The kids enjoyed it, even saying how they'd "come back tomorrow for more tricks" if he had any.

And how badly was Race grateful for it. But after one final trick, the attempted one handed cartwheel, the poor guy landed wrongly on his ankle. And now, his ankle was killin’ him. So much for being able to hold himself up. Guess that was something he still had to practice working on. It wasn’t a surprise that the blonde could hold himself up during certain tricks, but one handed cartwheels weren’t something he practiced a lot. So here he was, leaning against the wall and calling out papers. Where he’d usually stand, people would see he had a limp. And he wasn’t trying to real with the Delancey brothers, who’d soak him at any given chance with his now busted ankle.

“Racer, what the hell’ happened ta ya?” A voice caught the blondes attention as blue eyes met brown. “Tesoro! Heyyyyy..” He tried to avoid the question, pushing himself slightly away from the wall before letting out a slight whine and hiss of pain. Like a dog or cat would. Whichever he would appear as. Probably a dog. He remembered being called a chihuahua by one of the other boys. Them ankle biters, he called them. Albert’s eyes were only narrowed as he looked at Race, watching the blondes face scrunch up in pain. But Race, being the bastard he is, forced a smile before crossing his arms and looking at his beloved, who was staring at him with a disappointed look. “Antonio. What happened.” Now there was the stern tone of voice Race was terrified of.

Albert and him had been together recently, and already, Race had a ring on his finger. Well- a band, but shut up. He loved it. He wouldn’t get rid of it. Ever. He would never get rid of it. Not even if it meant he had to die. He’d die with it on no matter what. That band meant the world to him. But hearing his husband’s voice made the blonde let out a nervous chuckle. “Tesoro!” He called out, lifting his head slightly at looking into the eyes of his beloved. But his slight smile that had formed changed real quick when seeing the stern look Albert held on his face. “Oh… youse’ either upset, angry or disappointed.” He spoke quickly, his Italian accent slipping out more than his New York one. Albert had pinched the bridge of his nose, looking down at his blonde boyfriend and letting out a sigh. "How'd you manage to do this?" He only questioned, crossing his arms and staring down at his beloved with a disappointed look.

"I was doing a trick for a couple kids and didn't think I'd injure myself." Race answered honestly, running a hand through his hair and having his shoulders scrunched up, like a kitten. Albert however only stared down at the man he called his fiance, his arms crossed still. "Íosa Críost, Racer! You have to be careful! Think of what'd happen if the Delancey's found ya like this." He knew how Race would be. Trying to fight Morris and Oscar. Even with a sprained ankle, Racer was known to fight whoever shittalked him or the other newsies, and Albert knew this.

Race however, avoided the eye contact between himself and his love, looking down at the ground. "You know I'd kick their asses! You know I'm a fighter, Al. I wouldn't let them or anyone stop me from selling papers!" That was true. At least about Race. He wouldn’t let anyone stop him from selling papers. Not even the Delancey’s. Sure, he might have to use someone to walk without falling back onto his ass, but otherwise he’d figure it out one way or another. “But I would. I’d stop you from selling your papes so that ankle of yours gets better, Race.”

The answer only lead a groan to escape Race, a noise of complaint if you'd say. He leaned his head back, feeling Albert wrap his arm around his own shoulders. "That's no fun!" The Italian complained, looking to his husband with a frown on his face. More like a pout, but same difference, some would say. "Yeah, yeah. Come on. Let's get ya to the lodge. So ya can rest and not bust your ankle again." The ginger mumbled to his boyfriend, rolling his eyes. Race was a pain in the ass, but he wouldn't trade the blonde for the world. "I'm movin." Race mumbled, slightly leaning his head on Albert's arm as he limped alongside the other.

[pearl484-blog]

Too Soon For Happily Ever After (London)

After Marinette returns from London, she comes home to find that Alya has made her debut as Scarabella, and a very nasty surprise.

My entry for Adrien AUGreste 2023: London

Ao3 fic

After Scarabella's debut -and Marinette's return from London- Alya had decided that Ladybug and Chat Noir needed to have a talk. Not just because Marinette’s poor planning had lead to Scarabella being near inches away from being Cataclysmed -which was terrifying- but because she and Chat clearly needed to talk about some of their issues, and maybe work out a plan to prevent the cataclysm to the face next time. 

Of course, Alya was Marinette’s best friend, so she knew just how hard these sort of conversations were for her, so when it was done, Alya did the responsible thing and asked Marinette how it went the next time the two were alone in her bedroom. 

"It went pretty good," Marinette told her, suspiciously upbeat for such a serious conversation. 

"Pretty good?" Alya repeated in disbelief. She looked over Marinette, who was unusually relaxed. "Okay. So are you going to make a plan now or did you two work that out right then and there?" 

Marinette blinked at her owlishly. "Make a plan for what?" 

"To keep this whole thing from happening again?" Alya reminded her. Had Marinette seriously forgotten? 

Marinette shrugged. "I mean it's not like it'll happen often. It was a last minute thing, and Chat Noir already apologized for getting so caught up in his feelings." 

Alya gaped at her. Caught up in his feelings? "He Cataclysed me!" Alya reminded her. Marinette froze.

"He did what?" she asked quietly. 

Oh. Marinette didn’t know. That’s why she’d forgotten. Alya could’ve sworn she’d told her, but looking back, Alya realized that she’d been avoiding saying it out loud. She’d been tiptoeing around it just as badly as Chat Noir had, and now she’d just put that on her friend with no warning. Oops.  

"What-? Why would he-?" Marinette looked so lost and betrayed that Alya couldn't help but hold her close. 

"I mean,” Alya said, trying to soften the blow, “think about it from Chat's perspective. Some random stranger showed up with the Ladybug Earrings, saying they were the new hero of Paris. What was he supposed to do?" 

"Work with you!" Marinette cried. "He's worked with a ton of other heroes before." 

"Marinette," Alya told her softly, "he thought that I'd attacked you and stole your Earrings. Why would he work with me?" 

"But, that's not right," Marinette insisted. "I was just going to London!" 

"Yeah, girl,” Alya said, resisting the urge to sigh at her best friend's expense. "You know that, and I know that, but Chat didn't. You didn't exactly leave any messages."

"I couldn't!" Marinette cried, the stress of this latest revelation obviously getting to her. "I thought I could get out of it, so when I couldn't, I basically had to cram everything in my suitcase and run! I'm lucky I managed to text you in time!"

"Marinette," Alya said flatly, cocking her hip to the side, "are you honestly trying to tell me that you didn't have any idea that you might be leaving soon?"

"I thought I could get out of it!" Marinette insisted stubbornly. 

"How hard is it to text the guy, 'Hey, I might be leaving out of the country soon. I'll try to get out of it, but if I can't, I'll have a friend cover for me. She'll be in a Ladybug suit and she'll say something like 'the crow flies at midnight''?" Alya asked, exasperated. 

"Yeah, but then what if nothing happened?" Marinette asked. "What if Paris was all safe and sound, but Chat Noir had to learn that I told someone for no good reason?"

"Wait," Alya held up her hand, "You mean to tell me that before he met Scarabella, he had no idea that you'd told someone?"

Marinette averted her eyes away from Alya, embarrassed. "Maaaybeee?"

"Girl, that's messed up." 

"Honessssstly," Sass said, appearing from some forgotten part of the room where he’d been doodling, "it's not ssssurprising he reacted the way he did, essspecially with what happened with hisss mother."

"You know his secret identity?" Marinette asked at the same time Alya asked, "what happened to his mother?" 

Sass flinched. "I've sssaid too much," he confessed apologetically. "You've made your wishhhesss asss the Guardian very clear." 

"No, no, no!" Marinette backpedaled, "I'm okay with this. If this is something that might affect our fights, I need to know." 

Sass hesitated. 

"Please, Sass," Marinette begged. "I need to help my kitty." 

"It shouldn't be too bad," Tikki reassured him, "as long as you're vague about it." 

"She's missing," Sass told them. "She vanished without a trace." 

"Oh," Marinette said, suddenly pale and quiet. 

"No wonder Chat freaked out like that," Alya said, with a horrifying amount of clarity. "We must've reminded him of what it was like to lose his mom." 

"I can fix this," Marinette said, that familiar look of determination that Alya so admired dawning across her with a new singular focus. "We just need a plan." 

"No," Tikki said, gently but firmly. "You can't." 

"If this is about you worrying about us misusing the Miraculous, we don't have to do that!" Alya told Tikki hotly. "We could use the Ladyblog! It has like a ton of views every day, I'm sure if we-" 

"It's not that," Tikki informed them softly. 

"No matter what you do," Sass explained sadly, "Thisss ssstory doesssn't have a happy ending. Chat Noir’sss made hisss peace with her misssssing by now. If you messsss with that, you could hurt him badly." 

"What?" Marinette asked furiously. "Are you saying he wouldn't like to see his mom?" 

"He's saying," Tikki said, regret across her face, "in a world with Shadow Moth, we can't risk a Black Cat being akumatized." 

Marinette froze, probably never having considered that possibilty, but Alya was well prepared. She'd read dozens of comics and she'd been a brainwashed hero once. So far Marinette, Alya could be the strong and inspiring one for once.

"Then, we'll make a vow, here and now," Alya declared. "As soon as we kick Shadow Moth’s stupid butt, we'll find Chat's mom, and whatever happens, we'll help him get through it. As a team." 

"Yeah," Marinette said, straightening herself up as hope spread through her like a wildfire. "Yeah. Let's do it."

[lisalay00]

Our 4th of July Hero-Steve Harrington

Our 4th of July hero 1/?

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

‘Hey sloth, get your ass down from my couch.’ Lucas groaned when took a sip of the Coke following a disgusting burping sound. I squeeze my nose in disgust; I grabbed the tape on the table to throw right up to his head. Meanwhile, Max went into the living room with a huge bag, rummaging it one hand with a tired face.

‘I'm tired of your fights, you guys!' She landed the bag, the sound echoed throughout the room accompanying the old fan sound. Mike needs to convince his family to buy a new one. Last time Dustin lost his balance and it was the only one standing for him. Steve's laughter leaked out in my mind I shook my head and tried to focus her.

‘Tonight we have girls’ night. Don’t tell me you forget again.’  I grabbed the Coke from Lucas's hands. I couldn’t handle his sound anymore. I turned to her when I threw the Coke out the window. Lucas screamed out rushing to the window. I smiled devilishly.

‘As if I am a huge fan of girl nights’ she rolled her eyes. She grabbed one end and tried to stretch it as much as possible. Lucas attempted to give a helping hand but she bounced off with an angry gaze. He trembled and stepped back.

Girl’s Night a classic is among Max, El, Chrissy, and the last member Nancy. And I was the one who forcefully attended the full-taken girl company. Every time I gave my all effort to create an excuse but I would find myself sitting on the bed and listening to their problems with their boyfriends. And bingo, I am the only one haven’t been taken yet.

They tried their best to do so, at first they created a blind date and told me that was a school dinner. I'd got frozen when I saw Sam sitting on the table with flowers. Flowers!

It wasn’t enough. Max tried to be Cupid. However, the arrow had stuck in the wrong place. As expected, she’d talked to Billy before our prom night. I was sandwiched between his Camaro and him. He was too drunk and he confessed everything inside of him. And it was not a fairly lovely Juliette story. He thought me Sandy from science class. She was passing there and she heard her name, he was yelling in my face. I found myself watching them aside from the park when they were eating each other.

Luckily, he moved back to California and I don’t have to be ashamed at least if I do not remember them at night.

And the current aim now was the one whom I was scared of the most. I’ve tried my best since then, even I took dinner with Jason and it was terrifying, just a terrifying memory.

Actually, He was not unexpected.

Steve Harrington.

It'd been thrown on the table by Dustin, it was February 14. I love the day so much because they are mostly busy with themselves. But this year they made the stupidest decision and gathered together at Dustin’s radio tower. I wanted to dig into the spot I was sitting. I remember his watermelon-covered mouth and his smile at me. Everyone was there, except Nancy, Jonathan, Eddie, and Christy. That means the most dangerous gathering ever for me. For four months I tried my best to stay away from him, I started to work with Eddie's uncle on motorcycle repair. It was so out of a girl's job but I love working with him. The more the better, I was quite apart from them.

I couldn’t feel the feverish anger on them or blame them to try their best to find someone for me. However, I don’t know how long I keep this feeling aside. All I can just keep them because when they find out, that is the day I die.

Eddie’s Uncle was out of town for a couple of months and he decided to close it for a short term. So that means I was unemployed until fall.

They started throwing their love arrows at me a couple of weeks.

Lucas grabbed another Coke can; I took it from his hands swiftly and thanked him for open. I took a sip when he kicked the empty D&D box on the ground. Eddie went in of nowhere.

Suddenly, the idea came to my mind causing the Coke to get into my throat. Our eyes met with Max who was finally zipped the bag. I coughed but I could talk.

‘Isn’t the fourth of July today?’

Eddie’s concern slowly faded, he sighed at me with a tired face.

‘So?’ Max mumbled.

‘What? It’s an important day for our count…’

Max’s hand covered my mouth I shockingly blinked, when did she reach here? Flew or something.

‘You are coming tonight, no excuse!’ She grabbed the bag and left us in Dustin’s living room.

I rolled my eyes and raised my finger to the boys who were sitting like angels.

Don’t bite it.

‘Everything’s your fault, why the heck happen these girls decide to stand against you!’ I roared as my eyes rimmed between the three. 

‘Mike started all of them and disappeared out of hell .’ Lucas mumbled. I sighed the three stupid Dustin suddenly stood up collided his hands, and kneeled in front of me.

‘I beg you Suzie came here too please do something, save us!’ I scrunched my nose as his voice cracked at the last word. Then Lucas kneeled beside Dustin and pushed him aside.

‘Please you are our hero today!’ My eyes widened Eddie followed them and kneeled on my feet I groaned in pain kick him to the couch.

‘You are a Fourth of July hero come on you got this!’ Eddie screamed out, rubbing his waist.

‘Fourth of July Hero!’ They cheered together I covered my ears frantically when they got higher.

‘Okay alright just shut up!’ I rolled my eyes, a grin landed on my face. I slapped my forehead as I grabbed the Coke on the table, and headed to the door.

I screwed up.

They were all team up feverishly singing Fourth of July songs and they were so drunk. I was the only one who didn’t drink. My eyes landed on the beer-filled cups on the table I sighed.

Nancy turned to me and yelled at me as if I was far away from them.

‘Why are you sitting here?’ She suddenly started to cry. Shit, she was literally drunk, and drunk Nancy means emotionally attacking you.

I rushed to them and put a fake smile on my face.  She held my shoulder and pushed me in the middle of the circle. I turned to their vicious smiles.

‘Today it’s your day!’ Max cheered while holding the cup in my hand. My eyebrow arched, I looked at the beer-filled cup and our eyes met.

‘You are only not taken here.’ She smiled when Nancy entered with a bottle. When did she sober up?

I made sat down on the ground and she landed the bottle in the middle of us. Damn, how did I let them gather here? If Steve found out, he tore us into thousand pieces with Nance. When she sipped the glass I take back my thoughts. He’s going to kill me only.

I took the cup from El’s hand she turned her angry gaze on me, and I shrugged my shoulders.

‘I don’t let you drink sorry!’ She tried to refuse to grab the cup back but Max’s voice interrupted us. She pointed to Chrissy who looks like waiting for the moment her entire life. She rolled the bottle and it stopped at El. I attempted to grab the cup again but Nancy held my elbow and sat me on the ground harshly.

‘Okay, you two don’t drink!’ She pointed to two teenagers when Max was about to insist she grinned.

‘If you drink this cup, why not?’ She pointed the cup in front of me half spilled on the ground. I looked at El was already looking at me. I grabbed the cup and raised my finger at her.

‘If I see take an even small sip, I’ll kill you!’ I uttered as she nodded frantically. I turned to Max, she’d already thrown the cup aside in the room.

‘Alright, I start!’ Max crumbled in front of me and I momentarily leaned back when she came closer right to my face. Seriously she started to scare me for some reason.

‘You like someone, you know?’

‘Are you serious? I should have known that!’ I attempt to stand up but her words drifted me to my place.

‘Steve? Maybe…’ My head frantically spanned, she stood up and opened her two sides.

‘Maybe I should call him and chirp something.’

‘You got the phases your brother, God shut up!’ I mumbled she walked to the other side of the room, grabbed the handset, and looked at me.

‘You don’t know his number, damn stop blackmailing me!’

‘Oh I am not sure, I guess.’ She looked at Nancy, my stomach jumped to my heart. I got up quickly and hastily took back my balance, one of the cups fell to the ground, beer scent spread to the room.

‘So you like him?’ She rolled up the phone to the other side of the table and climbed on it. I jumped on the beer river, but I missed the other one. I dodged another falling. I raised my finger to her.

‘Stop this no sense, Max!’ She flipped over the table when all the junk fell over the ground. God, her room turned into a battlefield. She started to dial the number looking at the paper in her hand, Nancy and Chrissy set a fresh wall in front of me. I rimmed the room and quickly noticed the bookshelf on the wall.

I grabbed one of the books maybe the only books she had. I threw it out to them. She dodged it to grab it with a smile formed on her face following the other book.

Then a door knock interrupted the world war third, I turned to quite surprised faces at me.

I walked down the stairs silence was killing me now even though it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I grabbed the doorknob but hesitated to open it weirdly. I was pretty getting used to kind of girl’s nights ended up when one of the main topics of gossip barged into the company.

A glass-shattered sound took me back again; I heard groans and Jonathan’s mumbles. When I heard my name I hastily opened the door. The last person I hoped to be standing in front of me and so drunk.

‘Steve?’

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

[spookysushi]

So...I got tickled ☺️😅

And omg it was SO MUCH FUN 😍 If you're anything like I was before 2 days ago, the idea of actually having a session is maybe a little terrifying. But if you dream about tickling/being tickled by somebody IRL this is your sign to take that leap and go do it! It's so fulfilling and with the right person you will have such a good time ❤

I might do another post breaking down precisely where I'm ticklish/what tickles the most 🤭 (edit: linked here) but for now, here's some thoughts I have on the session, and tickling in general:

It makes such a difference to be fully comfortable and friendly with your session partner, BOTH AS A LEE AND A LER. I got pretty lucky in this regard, as I hadn't actually met my partner in person until that day, but he walked me back from the station and he was super kind and funny 😅 and really considerate, too, of not pushing me into anything I was uncomfortable with. Obviously I was still super nervous about being tickled but 5 seconds in and all those nerves were gone 😊 I didn't feel awkward making dumb noises and giggling like crazy in front of him, nor embarrassed to tickle him back or tease him about his sweet spots. If I ever have a session with somebody new to tickling, I hope I can make them as comfortable as he made me.

Following on from that...I didn't hate being tickled by a guy! Actually it was really fun, especially because of the above point, but I was really worried I'd find it awkward or just wouldn't enjoy it. But we both had a great time ☺️ I don't really feel like it influenced my sexuality, as we didn't exactly get very intimate (that'd be quite a lot for a first session) but 10/10 would tickle/get tickled by a guy again.

Getting tickled like that...made me feel quite a bit more positive about myself and my body 😅 I'm not exactly a 10, but watching a ler delight in tickling me until I was red-faced and giggling, feeling him trace my body and find the spots that make me go wide-eyed, was actually very securing. Similarly, tickling him right back made me feel a lot more comfortable about my reactions and laughter too. Might be cringe, but I left the session feeling pretty great 😁

Holy hell I am so much more of a ler now 😁 While I'd enjoyed the idea of tickling a lee before that day, it was more from an angle of giving pleasure to my lee, knowing how enjoyable being tickled half to death is. But this time? I felt good tickling my partner because I was actually loving it myself 😁 it's so much fun to have that power over somebody so ticklish, to gentle graze the sweet spots that make them scream, to explore every inch of soft, smooth skin and tease them about how giggly they're getting. Man I can't wait to get my hands on a willing lee again 😁

On the flipside...eeeek I'm so ticklish 😆 Thankfully there was never a time I had to safeword (that shouldn't be the aim of a session unless agreed imo) but it did NOT take much to turn me into a mess of giggles 🤭😅 I knew I was ticklish but scrolling through tumblr and seeing tickling posts is so much worse now I can imagine those sensations on my body. Apparently I was much more ticklish than my ler was expecting too AND IF THAT'S NOT FLUSTERING I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS

Tickling is a WORKOUT and a half 😆😅 at least if you're a squirmer like me, and probably even without it. After the session my tummy ached so much. It was a good ache and I had a huge smile on my face, but I was pretty drained. A good friend recommended I stretch beforehand and I'd highly recommend it.

[blink-blank-bliss]

Hey Blissy your turn. I hear you are: "Neural Nets and Pretty Patterns owned voice actress and pleasure puppet"

Some odd questions for you:

Would you desrcibe yourself as being in a bdsm relationship that uses hypnosis as a tool like a Dom-sub relationship + hypno, Or a Hypno-Domination H-D/s relationship? Just curious how you'd define it - because you seem happy and you guys are still going strong, or is it a Hypno relationship +D/s?

Could you say please what the most important part of the hypnotic relationship is - like the thing that makes the hypnosis most effective for you?

Could you also please say what submission means to you, what are the core components for submission to be happening?

Thank you in advance x x x

Hi Doll! It's always a pleasure to hear from you and I'd be happy to answer your questions, I apologize to any reader who actually plows through this whole thing for what may be a little too much of a glimpse behind the curtain at Actual Me and not the public face of Bliss, but oh well, I don't really get a lot of serious questions and I am delighted that you've asked me, so buckle up here we go.

I don't think I would use any of those terms to describe my relationship with Neural. We are primarily romantic partners and best friends, and we work together to create weird kinky artsy audio porn stuff. He's the creator, but I do a lot behind the scenes to help keep the content coming and I take my job as Cunt Muse seriously. Yes, we have kinky sex and it's fucking great, but it's just a small part of a relationship between equals. He has, however, spent a lot of time inside my mind, as I have in his. It's given our relationship something that I guess I would call ...mental intimacy? haha that sounds gross idfk. But I've never really had this before and can't imagine having it with someone else. The content is a part of it, I love acting and he just writes me the most fun roles to play. haha in the one we are working on now I play the most sadistic nun ever, it's so cathartic, I swear I'm healing generational trauma doing it haha. Getting to explore all of that together is really sexual and really hot but it's not like ... hypnosis. I love having wild kinky trancey scenes with him and he is a wonderful dom, knows how to push my buttons just the right way to take me apart and always makes sure to put me back together after, but it's not as important to me as it is that he has made me laugh every day for over 5 years without fail or that he can write me a part to play in a script that will both highlight my talent and turn me on.

I think the most important part of the hypnotic relationship is trust. I trust him and he trusts me. I know he is committed to being good to me and good for me, as I am for him. He's proven it to me through haha some honestly insane shit storms of life and I know I have proven it to him. And we've been at it long enough that we've seen the proof, both of us are better stronger people than we were before we met. This is what makes us equals, but it's also what makes it possible for him to slide inside my mind like he's coming home and make me into nothing but his. For a time at least.

ok so this is a two-parter. Part 1. What does submission mean to me? So ok I am old. I came out as queer and kinky in a world where to be kinky you had to put on a latex dress and go in person to what they called an "S & M Club". It was terrifying but thrilling. But as far as kink goes, I'm a little jaded at this point. I feel like I've literally seen it all. I've been to at least 50 kink conventions of all varieties. I've taught classes, hosted infamous dungeon parties, demo dollied, bootblacked, partied with all manner of kinky people. but like.... I'm fucking old and I did it already. Now yes, I am still submissive, I am still a masochist, but I just don't have anything left to prove to myself or anyone else about it. Submission has been a part of who I am for more than half my life now, but at this point, it's pretty much just a sex thing for me. I mean yeah I call Neural Owner or Daddy when we play, and yeah it was hot as hell when I asked him to choose my new hair color, but it's for fun and a sex thing. Part 2 is pretty cut and dried. I'm jumping over the safety speech part here and just say that I'm only talking about power exchange that I would consider RACK. But for submission to occur there has to be some kind of agreement that you are going to give up your power to another for a period of time in some agreed upon way. That's what we mean when we talk about consent really. it's what makes healthy power exchange possible, without that it's all various degrees of abuse and codependency and people making each other into less than they are. Gross. I'm also going to answer a question that you didn't ask, but my advice to any submissive but especially those getting into it: -sit down with yourself and really decide what your values are, what your limits are, what your needs are, physically emotionally mentally before you go giving your precious self away to a dom. - Sub frenzy is a thing, it's crazy, I've been there, but it is Not Real and it will fade, take your time in establishing relationships and making commitments no matter how hot the scenes are. -No matter how much you worship them, your doms will remain human. Humans have limits on their time and their energy. Humans are not all-knowing. Humans get sick. Humans make mistakes. Don't put divinity level expectations on your human partner. It's a set up, no one can live up to it.

[thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask]

Lowkey, I find it crazy how my brain works now.

In the past I'd be terrified of my abusers name or presence, now I can say his name freely and him being around still gets me all shaky, but I can still function almost perfectly.

I haven't seen him for a while, bur I feel like if push came to shove, I'd be ok around him again

Sometimes I picture nyself being friends with him again. What would he be like now? Would he treat me like an actual person and be an honestly good person, or would he still treat me like utter shit and sexualize me? I wonder that often.

One of my friends have been getting a lot of guys getting crushes on her, and this is what triggered me to have these thoughts.

Without my wife to kinda keep me grounded, I've been just lost in thought.

I'm scared of when he sees me again, what he'll say or do.

I'm in my glow up Era rn because I'm getting my shit together, and I'm scared in all honesty.

But, sometimes I wish I wasn't getting better. Like, I'm getting better right, haven't have an episode in weeks, but sometimes a trigger comes in.

I still don't like touch. Sometimes my friends grab me and my fight or flight response kicks in and I fucking grab their thoughts. This happens when someone touchs my legs, arms, shoulders, or just anywhere under my neck. One of my friends likes to touch the back out my neck because I'm super sensitive there and if someone touched me there I shoot up like a rocket. I'm fine with that because I find it funny.

I remember when a new kid in my class grabbed my chin unprovoked. Mentally I was ok, but my eyes started water and I was shaking like crazy. Mentally I was normal, but my body was shaky and terrified.

There's also one thing I've noticed about my crush.

He's Dominican. He reminds me a lot of my abuser, not in looks tho, in the way he presents himself. His resting face I'd so similar to his that it's terrifying. Like it's a pissed off numb face, but his smile is what makes me like him so much. It contradicts the reminder of my abuser and I feel fine again.

Mentally I've been a lot happier, but my temper and emotions have been everywhere.

Im a lot more moody and easier to piss off, and a lot more intrusive and going back to old habits.

I've noticed that I've been aexualizing myself a lot more recently. Idk if it's a confidence boost in my appearance or what but it's mostly when I'm alone.

but overall life has been moody. It's mostly my mind contradicting it's self.

Like, my scars have completely faded and I miss them because I felt like it made me prettier, and I feel incomplete without them.

And then my classmates and old volleyball teammates are all fucking annoying. And then random niggas I don’t know are getting on my nerves.

Sometimes I wish I could go back, but Sometimes I wish I could stay. Contradiction this, Contradiction that.

I want something bad to happen to me, or least remember my trauma. I only remember snippets of what happened between me and my abuser, but I'm 95% sure he never like, SA'ed me or anything. But, my reactions stuff, especially sexual shit, I don't think it's only him, something else had to happen.

I have a guess, two actually. One of them is definitely not true because, no.

But, I have a really vague memory from when I was little, before I met my abuser.

I think it was 2nd grade, and a family member from my mom's side picked me up. I don't remember if it was a dream or reality.

All I remember after that though was my parents being fucking pissed at him, and my mom telling me that if he ever came to pick me up, don't go with him.

And my dad was pissed at him for years. Even saying to never let him in our house, even after he died.

Just, so much confusion and so little conformation.

I have memories of me being picked up from my bed and being taken to lord knows where. Memories from a house my parents had when I was a little babu.

I just. I just wanna remember the full picture.