#but not just anything I remember flowed so naturally from me in one morning it was one of the best writing experiences I’ve had and I made

[hwnglx]

pick a pile - your favourite things about your fs vs. your fs’ favourite things about you (detailed)

welcome back, dear reader. let's look into your favorite things about your future lover, and your future lover’s favorite things about you. note that this is a general reading, so not everything will resonate with everyone! it also highlights the positive sides of the connection. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. remember to take what resonates, and let the rest flow. *ੈ✩‧₊˚

𓂃⭑ pile 1 ⭑𓂃

your favourite things about your fs

your fs has this ability, to give you a push in confidence. to help you believe in yourself more, and see yourself as the queen or king that you are. they will quite literally shower you in sweet words, are amazing at flattering.

there's this major theme of “you are such a badass and you need to know about it” they will have the ability to change the way you look at yourself, due to them cherishing you so much.

like calling you beautiful no matter which state you're in; after you just woke up barefaced in the morning, while you're getting ready, while you're focusing on your studies or work.

one of your favorite things about your fs, is how supportive they are of you, particularly when it comes to your own individual pursuits and goals.

i can especially see this in regards to decision-making; you might be someone who can struggle making a strong choice and standing behind it at times. your fs has the potential to help you be more sure of yourself, and strongly push yourself forward in a way that gives you a lot of personal success.

in a “don't overthink it so much, just go for it.” type of way. you'll love how they can get you out of your head, and open your eyes to the power you hold.

i can see this translating into numerous areas of your life; career-wise, personality-wise, appearance-wise, socially. you're likely the type of person who just glows in a different way, when they're in love. your friends could probably see something about your aura shifting, in a ✨ beautiful ✨ way.

you love that your fs is quite literally your no 1 fan, the person who makes you feel special, encourages you, empowers you.

i can see them being quite open and unapologetic about their support too. your fs is immensely proud of being with someone like you, so it's likely most people will know about it.

they'll quite literally gaze at you with so much sparkle and admiration in their eyes.

you will love how your fs isn't a person who ever puts themselves above you. they're very fair-minded, and balanced in their approach to your connection.

let's say you gifted something to your fs, it's not unlikely you'll see a surprise present as a thank you on your desk after you come home from work. there's this feeling of always wanting to give back what you give them.

they seem quite generous in terms of their finances, like the type to willingly splurge on expensive things for you.

i don't see the connection being one of extremely clingy or obsessive nature, and moreso one where the two of you are each other's main sources of support, the person you can comfortably fall back on if anything ever goes wrong.

your fs will provide you with this feeling that.. “even if i fail everything in life, this person will love me regardless. life can still be beautiful.” this can give you a renewed and stronger sense of courage, to step out of your comfort zone and take the leap of faith you might've put off for a while.

on a deeper note; i can see your future lover also making you realize you're lovable in every way, regardless of the emotional baggage and wounds you can potentially come with.

there might be some reluctance in you when it comes to laying your soul bare to people and making yourself vulnerable; you might worry it could turn them off, or make them see you in a different light.

i heard the chorus of jb's unstable here “i tried to scare you away, showed you the door, you adored me anyway. when i was broken in pieces, you were my peace of mind.”

you'll love, how your fs will embrace your flaws lovingly, accept your mistakes and still cherish you throughout everything. also, they won't force vulnerability. they'll allow it to unfold.

a lot of deep and heartfelt conversation. i see your fs being good at provoding you with emotional safety, and facilitating an environment, where you don't feel ashamed to talk about your deepest, darkest secrets to them.

and sometimes, you don't even have to say anything for your future lover to understand what you're feeling - they just get it. they'll be at a point where they just know you that well.

your bond will continue to grow deeper and more intimate through the two of you, especially you, learning how it's okay to open yourself up emotionally to a person. they still won't love you any less, or see you as any less than you are.

even if there's problems in your relationship, the depth of your connection always remains. the two of you help understand each other in a deeper manner. there is a lot of significant and meaningful life lessons you can learn from each other.

your fs' favourite things about you

for some of you, you might've been the one who pursued your fs. and they loved that about you.

the beginning of the spread suggests that your fs deeply admires the way you go after what, and who, you want. boldly, unapologetically, and with purpose.

what they love even more is how you continue to show up consistently. you're not just passionate in the beginning; you put in the work to keep the connection stable and growing.

it's something that gives them a sense of security in the relationship. knowing that you're always striving, not just for yourself, but for your shared future.

your fs loves how you communicate and talk to them. a lot of them might find the way you text them very endearing, some of you could text in this very animated and playful way.

they love that you're so witty, and the way things rarely get dull when they're with you. you might poke and tease them a lot, unafraid of talking back in a sassy manner. you just keep them on their toes, and bring a lighthearted spark to the relationship that they adore.

they love how you balance your sense of humor and playful energy, with a strong sense of focus and work ethic. you're fun, yes, but also grounded, driven, and committed to bettering yourself. that blend of personality traits is something they find incredibly attractive.

interestingly, i mentioned earlier how they find your focused expression really cute, and that theme seems to be repeating. there's something about the way you concentrate, that they find completely adorable.

i could see you guys being younger in age than your fs, there could be a cute height difference too, which your fs could tease you about (like you having to go on your tippy toes to give them a kiss and them playing with you by pulling away)

the energy between you two is sweet and doting. your fs sees you as the most adorable person they know, someone who capable of making them smile constantly.

the two of you could potentially be a couple of two fire signs. i'm feeling leo and aries strongly. particularly sun or venus. this connection is vibrant, passionate, and full of strong personalities.

you two could also have 5h synastry.

your fs loves how you match, or even challenge, their fiery energy. you might even be the one humbling them with your sass and confidence. they love that you can meet their intensity without ever losing your own shine.

they also love how you allow them to be their own person. how you don't brake your fs from having their individual pursuits in life. you encourage their passions, support their goals, and celebrate their individuality.

also worthy to note, that your fs doesn't only appreciate that animated side in you, but also cherishes the sense of harmony you bring into you dynamic.

there's something about your energy they find to be very comforting, healing and soothing. like you're their comfort person and safe space, basically.

there's a little bit of this.. “you're the most precious gift of my life” type of love they have for you.

the connection never really feels like it settles or goes stale. even once things should've become familiar, once the spark and excitement should've started to quiet down the way it does for some couples.. somehow, it still feels new.

something about the way you love, or the way you show up in the relationship, constantly breathes fresh life into it.

your future lover doesn't just feel lucky to have met you. they feel lucky to keep meeting new sides of you all the time. they're continuously unfolding new reasons to fall in love with you, over and over again.

being around you reminds them that love isn’t only about fire and butterflies. it’s also about feeling safe, seen and treasured.

in addition, your fs admires your resilience. they love how you aren't one to allow life to break you down, but on the contrary, you find ways to rise above. whether it's through personal challenges, heartbreak, or difficult moments.. you don’t just let yourself be defeated. you keep moving forward.

they love that you're eager to use every lesson learned, as fuel to push yourself toward the next chapter.

your fs sees and acknowledges, how you've weathered your storms with grace, and it's not only something they deeply respect, but something that makes them love you, very dearly.

thank you for reading! i'd love to hear your feedback on what resonated for you <3

𓂃⭑ pile 2 ⭑𓂃

your favourite things about your fs

so to start off this pile, you give me the energy of an introvert, who's usually more comfortable in their own company. being with people might get tiring for you quickly, which is why you like to retreat into your own space at times.

what you will love about your future lover, is how adaptable they are. they're incredibly accepting, open-minded, and tolerant.

they aren't a person who's pushy, intrusive or stubborn; but a person, who's willing to match themselves to you. they'll be ready to adjust to your pace, your comfort levels, your boundaries, and approach you with a comfortingly understanding presence.

you'll appreciate how they rarely take offense when you need space or time alone. they aren't the type to guilt you for withdrawing, they'll simply leave you room to breathe.

your future lover displays an existence that supports you through your journey of finding your best self. someone who helps you understand yourself better.

there is a huge focus on comfort here. your energy is a little heavy. like someone carrying the weight of past pain.. many of you might've been through a lot.. emotionally, mentally, spiritually. perhaps some wounds from your childhood too.

i heard jungkook's seven “weight of the world on your shoulders, i kiss your waist and ease your mind”

this song is a little heavy.. but i somehow kept being drawn to ghostin' by ariana grande. “i'm a girl with a whole lot of baggage, but i love you”

your fs is someone who can help you let go of the past, that might've been weighing on you for a good while. it's almost like, you've been walking through life with all this emotional baggage on your back, and you just carried it by yourself, because you had to, and you didn't know any else. your future spouse will finally lighten it up for you. you will feel more free.

you'll love how your fs provides you with this beautiful feeling of “i finally found my person.”

they have a deeply empathetic energy, with high emotional intelligence. they're emotionally mature. someone who meets you with patience, not pressure.

even if you enter the connection still holding onto certain wounds or patterns, your future spouse won't run from that. they'll stay. they'll help you face what you've buried, and little by little, they'll walk beside you as you heal and uncover new sides of yourself.

they'll open your eyes to the beauty in the world.. in people, in connection, in joy. they'll show you that genuine souls do exist. that you're not too much. that there are people who simply love being around you for who you are.

they might introduce you to their circle, bringing new, healthy friendships into your life.

spirit gave me this metaphor of.. “you've been on the moon this whole time. i will introduce the sun to you now.” and you will be fascinated by the warmth. maybe because you haven't truly felt it in that way before.

it's likely for both of you to have significant water placements. i'm feeling scorpio and pisces strongly. perhaps you're the pisces, and they're the scorpio. doesn't have to be the sun. ofc you could also have conjunctions, and share placements.

there's also a libran way in which they love and approach the world, so i could see them having a libra rising, or libra venus.

i'm also sensing potential eighth house synastry, due to the transformative nature of your relationship. there's a strong theme of you constantly evolving within this bond, shedding layers and becoming more of who you're meant to be. (if you're a pisces rising, libra could fall into your eighth house.)

this person is likely to be more mature than you, maybe older in age. but with that maturity, there's also this sense of them being more in tune with their emotions, as in, they're more comfortable with their feelings.

while reading, i kept feeling the need to speak in a quieter voice, it was almost like there was a lump in my throat.

some of you might struggle speaking up at times, especially when it comes to how you feel. you may have been made to feel like your emotions were too much, or unworthy of space in the past. you may have gone through situations where your voice was purposely quieted. so over time, it became habitual..

this person's existence is like a warm hug, that'll find you right when you need it the most. your future lover will provide you with a sense of gentle compassion.

this love isn't superficial or based on shallow things; it's a love that goes deep, and loves in its entirety. your fs' love is one, that will embrace you with everything that you come with. even the things you yourself have always seen as unlovable.

this can help you to open up your eyes. it's almost like a butterfly, finally being able to see its own beautiful wings.

this union will feel like two people who were meant to be with each other, finally finding to each other, and beautifully completing each other's worlds.

your fs' favorite things about you

the way the two spreads aligned was so beautiful.. i may have shed a tear or two. (yes i actually did i got emotional lol)

so in the first part of the reading, there was some bittersweetness in terms of your feelings of loneliness, that you've carried within you throughout your life.

what's so sweet is, that your fs sees your independence as one of their favourite things about you. it's this feeling of, them seeing what you might condemn about yourself at times, as something genuinely beautiful from their perspective.

in your fs' eyes, there's just something so admirable, about how you've showed up for yourself till now.

you exude a calm and serene presence, one that makes it hard for others to truly get close. as if you're comfortably wrapped in your own quiet world.

this might've been one of their first impressions of you, and what drew them to you from the start.

the energy is strikingly similar to pile 2 from this reading. maybe you could look into it, in case you're more curious about their potential first impression of you.

i keep getting the theme of nature, so there could be a lot settings in nature for your relationship. maybe they first saw you in nature.

interestingly, i keep seeing flower fields and gardens in my minds eye. maybe your first date? or do you use flowery scents? also, something about animals. you might have a lot of love for animals and feel a special connection to them, which your fs finds wonderful.

your future lover might also be incredibly poetic. i could see them comparing you to a flower a lot, and saying slightly cheesy, but lovely things like that. they just see as so beautiful. like a piece of art you can't help but be in awe of.

they see you as immensely intelligent. your future spouse admires how much complexity you hold. how you're not someone who lives on the surface. there's this admiration of the depth your soul has, and how many layers there are to you.

your future spouse loves that you aren't easy to figure out. not because you're hiding, but because you've learned to protect your softness. every step closer to your heart feels like a gift to them, one they don't take for granted.

i can see you opening up to them slowly, and their love growing deeper with each layer they get to uncover. the more they understand you, the more they cherish you.

honestly, they love how much effort it takes to truly know you. might sound weird, but your fs actually enjoys having to put in the work to get past the walls around your heart.

they love it, because it's you. it feels worth it. being rewarded with someone they see as so precious, someone who brings such depth and richness to their life.. nothing else compares. it doesn't feel tiring to them.

random note, but i could see some of you having an earth venus, or maybe saturn in the 7h. in fact, the pisces risings watching this, would have a virgo (earth) descendant/7h 🫵🏻

your fs could have some strong earth placements too, in addition to the water placements.

your future lover's favorite thing to witness is those moments when you break free from your shell. when you let go of hesitation and fully immerse yourself in what brings you joy. they love seeing you light up, completely lost in the moment, expressing your passion without holding back.

if there's one thing they deeply wish to give you, it's the safety and encouragement to feel free. to let your light shine without fear of judgment. they never want you to dim yourself to make others comfortable.

in their eyes, you're a radiant, warm, and uniquely vibrant soul. they're drawn to the moments when your confidence sparks, when you choose your joy over your fears.

i was reminded of the bollywood film “kal ho naa hoo”, where the male lead quietly helps the female lead discover the beauties of life again. and watches her, as she begins to bloom in her own light. he doesn't rescue her.. he simply reminds her of the light she carries, and watches her shine.

note; i also kept feeling drawn to a few songs while being in this pile's energy, you might resonate with some of them:

glimpse of us by joji

just one day by bts

god is a woman by ariana grande

thank you for reading! i'd love to hear your feedback on what resonated for you <3

𓂃⭑ pile 3 ⭑𓂃

your favourite things about your fs

the main energy i'm getting here is that, you will recognize parts of yourself in your fs, which will give you this sense of familiarity with them. even if you don't really know them yet.

you know the feeling when you're looking at someone, and something about them just.. feels like you've known them for years. i could for sure see this being a past life connection too.

one aspect which i could see the two of you bonding over, is both of you being wrapped up in similar circumstances.

this is specific so, take it if it resonates. but when you meet your future lover, some of you might feel dissatisfied with where you're at in life, especially when it comes to the general direction it's going in. maybe your current job isn't truly emotionally fulfilling you.

there's a sense of apathy and emotional numbness. you might feel like you're at a point in life, where your life is just passing by you. nothing really feels all that exciting, it feels stale and stagnant.

this could also be rooted in past heartbreak. it could've caused you to grow more pessimistic, cynical and guarded.

meeting your fs, will feel like a breath of fresh air. they will come to you with a reassuring presence, like you're not the only one who feels this way.

the song the only by sasha alex sloan started playing in my head while reading.

you will love your fs' realistic approach towards the world. this isn't someone who escapes into their fantasy dream world, and has their head in the clouds. they're quite pragmatic, rational, and unafraid to speak the truth when it's necessary.

their lack of filter and honesty might come off as overly blunt to some people. but to you, it's refreshing. it's likely something that will draw you to them.

they're the person who's likely to point out the elephant in the room, while everyone else is walking on eggshells.

worthy to note though, is that i don't see this person being tactless, despite their outspoken attitude. they weigh their words out, but don't water them down.

you love how committed your future spouse is to the things that are important to them. they're the type of person who dedicates all their efforts to what they value, willing to show up, and put in consistent work to achieve their objectives.

your future lover is immensely protective. there is a strong sense of security they can provide you with. someone who just makes you feel like no one in the world can hurt you.

they're quite literally your human shield; the one who will place themselves in front of you, if anyone ever dares badmouthing or attacking you. they do lean towards the territorial side.

there's this feeling of.. after all i've been through, there's no storm i can't face at this point. now even more, with someone steady and loyal by my side, who resembles me in that regard.

in addition, you love the sense of wisdom your fs brings to the table. they might be an older soul, or simply person who's had significant life experiences for their age, which have shaped them into a person who's mature, and full of knowledge about life. they're introspective, and reflective.

this is something you could take note of, as the relationship progresses, and you engage in more deep and layered conversations with them. ones that go beyond the mundane and shallow topics.

i'm strongly getting earth energy, especially virgo or taurus. something mercurial about them, but also grounded and stable. additionally, there might be air energy such as aquarius or gemini, giving them a sharp intellect, wit and eloquence.

both of you read as being on the mature side, but your dynamic also seems very fun.

your future lover has the potential to bring out an inner softness in you, which might've been buried before. there's this sense of feeling younger, more playful, more free, and more hopeful when you're with them. like your future lover reawakening the inner child in you, that genuinely enjoys to live again.

in addition, you'll just feel like you can let loose when you're with your fs, you don't need to put on any act, or worry about what they'll think. you can be yourself in your entirety, and know your lover will adore you just the way you are.

this is random lmao, but you could literally burp around them, hang around with unwashed hair, no make up, pimples, whatever it is.. it'll just be comfortable, and come with a sense of ease, and lightheartedness.

i feel like your current environment might make you feel misunderstood. you might struggle finding someone who shares similar thoughts and outlooks as you.

what your fs can give you, is the feeling of being understood. they have similar principles and values in life as you do, and both of your life-paths align beautifully.

that mutual understanding has the potential to shift your perspective in a more positive light, and help you see things in a more optimistic manner again.

the emotional intimacy between the two of you will be special. there'll be things about each other, that only the the two of you know about. private moments, quiet nights, deep talks. your alone time will be meaningful, and the connection will be one that recharges you, instead of draining you.

i keep thinking of the sentence “being alone, together.”

your fs' favourite things about you

your fs will feel very attracted to you early on. they'll have this impression of you being a beautifully feminine and sensual individual. you'll awaken a lot of desire in them.

it's likely you'll shake up their world from the moment you enter their life. you'll just have a strong impact on them, from the beginning, they'll look at you as someone who makes an impression everywhere they go. like you enter the room, your fs' eyes are fixed on you. constantly. something about you they can't deny.

your future lover, will admire the strength you hold. they'll love that you're a person who can be logical and cut-throat when you really need to. they'll see you as intelligent, witty and strategic. someone who has a quick mind, a lot of intellect. you're just the type of person no one can really fool.

something about the way you communicate in particular, will intrigue them. you give them the impression of someone you can hold immensely interesting conversations with.

there's something about the way you bring a blend of several qualities to the table, which they adore. you can be very mature and rational at times, but they also recognize a down to earth, humble, and incredibly ambitious side to you.

your fs is likely to see you as a person who's always looking to learn more from life, and expand to higher places.

this is very specific, so it might not resonate with everyone, but some of your fs' might be your seniors at work, uni or school. so they look at you in this more “student” type of role.

for others, this could just apply to the grounded attitude you carry. how you're someone who's continuously looking to improve themselves. quite self-critical and hard on themselves, but also not easy to please in general.

your fs will love the sense of peace you bring into the relationship. they'll genuinely appreciate how you're someone who can provide them with the rest that they're in need of at times. solely being with you, makes them calm down.

your existence in itself is a source of comfort to them. their favourite thing to do with you, could quite literally be the most ordinary activities; like laying down at the end of the day, with candles lit, watching some random movie and cuddling. it's then, that they can finally exhale in a restful manner, and completely release their pent up stress.

i could see the both of you being career-oriented, and offering a type of outlet for each other. like you put your nose into your work all day, and look forward to spending the end of the day with each other, in order to just let go of the accumulated, inner tension. there's this beautiful sense of quiet, but strong support you can provide for each other in that way.

(this pile is sooo taurus coded..)

this is something i can see slowly developing as your connection deepens, but your fs is likely to genuinely appreciate you being a good listener. someone who just knows how to make them feel seen, and cared about.

as i said before, i can see the two of you bonding over shared experiences. this unique type of understanding you'll have for one another, is likely to bring your future lover a lot of healing.

the addition of you in their lives, can light their otherwise stressful life up in the most wonderful way. having someone by their side, who they share a genuine emotional connection with, will bring them this feeling of peace.

i just keep seeing this scene in my minds eye, of them looking you in the eyes, and feeling like.. okay, everything's fine again. you give them a sense of renewed hope, and inner strength.

what's worth to note for this pile, is that i probably had the hardest time tapping into the energy of your dynamic. there's just something remarkably private and intimate about your connection.

i really don't see you enjoying to share about it too much with others. when you're together, it feels as if it's just the two of you on planet earth.

the song my love mine all mine started playing on shuffle while i was writing this, might resonate with you guys..

thank you for reading! i'd love to hear your feedback on what resonated for you <3

[tojikai]

Sundered 9: RESOLVE

Pairing: Gojo x reader

• Part 1  |  Part 2   | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Alt. Ending

Genre: Angst

tags/cw: angst, babydaddy!gojo, babymomma!reader, motherhood, insecurities, arguments, mentions of abortion

word count: 7.8k

a/n: sorry, it took so long. i had problems lol mb

You can’t remember at what point everything started going right but you’re not complaining.

 “I don’t think I can continue like this. I don’t think we should continue like this.” 

“Like what?” You looked up at him, a look of worry filling your wide eyes. He stared down at you with an expression you can’t read. You felt his hands trail beside you, before cupping your cheeks, kissing your lips softly. “Toji, was I not-” And he was quick to quell you

“No, Y/N. It’s not on you, stop putting everything on yourself, baby.” He hates that the first thing you think when something fails is your fault. He hates that he’s making you feel like you’re the only one who needs to put in the work. 

After your arguments, Toji’s been thinking that his emphasis on how you’re being pointlessly jealous of a dead person is why you think you’re the only one who has to make big adjustments. That’s probably why you think you have to put in the most effort to make this work.

“Then, what is it? I thought we were doing well, Toji.” The worried look on your face mixed with frustration as you took a step back from him, rubbing your face with your hands. “We are doing well, Y/N.” He was firm with his answer, and you know he’s telling the truth. But why? “We work so well together. But this isn’t the relationship we deserve.” He sighed.

“That doesn’t make sense, Toji.” You pursed your lips, emotions getting stronger. “If we work so well together, then how can you say that this isn’t what we deserve?” You sat on the bed, patiently waiting for an answer.

“We deserve to be in a relationship where we don’t have to remind ourselves how we should be constantly.” Toji mentally cursed himself for putting you in such a situation early in the morning but he doesn’t think he could sleep another peaceful night with everything in his mind. 

“Relationships are things that flow naturally, Y/N. You do not do things just because you have to, or just because somebody told you to do it. You shouldn’t feel like you have to remind yourself what to do.” He breathed heavily, sounding as if he’d been practicing this in his head for a while now. “Is that how you feel with me?” You tried him, only to get the question back.

“Is that not how you feel with me?” Your silence answered his question. There was a pool of hot liquid in your eyes that you wouldn’t allow to fall. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Think of the strain that you’ve been putting on yourself, Y/N. Tell me you had not once thought of letting it all go even just for a second.”

A sob erupted from your throat; one that you didn’t see coming. It’s a thought you always choose to ignore because you really want to try hard for him, for this thing to work. Now, you understand when they say that sometimes it’s more painful to hold on than to let go.

As if getting burnt by holding on to a rope too tightly, hoping that the other end would stop pulling away.

But right now, Toji’s slowly being torn away from you. And you can’t do anything about this unbearable pain that feels like it could tear you apart; limb for limb. You realize that even if he doesn’t pull away, you’d still end up being hurt for this rope that you are holding on to is too far out of your reach. 

“Toji… I don’t know, I thought I found something good with you. And now it just felt like I’m losing all of it like I’m losing—” Toji quickly shushed you, hugging you ever so tightly to him and it scared you. It almost felt like he was letting you memorize the comfort of his body against yours because this was the last time you’d be feeling it.

“You’re not losing me, love.” He consoled you and though, you can’t express it, the words brought you comfort. “I just don’t think we’re meant to be in this setup but that doesn’t mean you’re losing me.” And just like that, the pain was back again.

“Do I not deserve it?” You asked him, almost flinching at your words when you promised yourself you’d never ask anyone that. Toji sighed, taking both of your hands and bringing them to his lips. “Not this. You deserve more than this. You deserve to be genuinely happy without sacrificing anything, without feeling spent.”

You can’t remember, or more like you chose not to carve into your memory how that day ended. The only image you can see in your head is how he cuddled you to sleep, woke you up to eat with him and the kids, and went home. You remember him saying that they could always visit. And you hated yourself for doubting him.

“Mama, look it.” You heard your baby talking to you as she showed you the screen of your phone. It was Toji. It surprised you that you weren’t crying, or hurting as much as you thought you would. Maybe it’s because of the reassurance that you received from him. 

And it’s not something like hoping that you’d be back together again but it’s more of a security that you didn’t just lose such a good man in your life; even as a friend. “Yeah?” You answered, pulling your toddler closer to you just as she started to move near the edge of the bed. “Just wanna know how you're doing.” 

You chuckled, finding it funny that your now ex is calling you, indirectly checking if you’re still crying. It’s normal for him to expect that kind of thing but the difference between this and other breakups is that you actually ended on good terms and with valid reasons, seeking only the best for each other.

“I am a bit ok, surprisingly.” You answered, you heard a sigh from the other end of the line and a tiny laugh from Megumi, probably watching something on his iPad. You looked at your daughter, thinking if she’ll start looking for her little friend tomorrow and how you’re going to handle that. 

“I’m sorry.” You rubbed your eyes, humming at his words. “This is for the best, I guess.” You spoke, remembering how you used to tell that to yourself when you found out that Satoru got himself a new girlfriend; throwing all his promises out the window and choosing to move forward away from you. 

“You know Yui can still come over for play dates, right?” He spoke as if reading your mind. Toji knows of your concern about this matter as you expressed it earlier to him. Yui has spent a lot of time with Megumi and you know how she is with him because he’s her real first close friend.

“I won’t mind if she’ll be dropped off by Satoruf, he could even accompany her with you guys. I won’t mind, really. I know Megumi will ask for Yui.” He laughed lightly, patiently waiting for your answer, only to receive a hum.

“Y/N, you’re free to make decisions now—” You know that he’s talking about your reconciliation with Satoru but to be very honest, that’s not in your mind right now. You might be yearning for that whole family, and you can see Satoru’s progress but that doesn’t mean you can just bounce back like that. 

“I don’t know, that’s not how I really feel, I think  I should focus on building myself as an independent person for now.” You pursed your lips and you could just imagine him nodding his head to your words. “It’ll happen if it’s meant to happen.” You know that Yui needs her father, and you know that if she could talk to you right now, she’d probably wish for the two of you to be together with her.

But you want to know if this thing you’re feeling for Satoru is real or if it’s only because you longed to give your daughter that fulfillment. It’s not a bad thing to want that for her but you don’t know if you can handle another heartbreak for rushing things. “I’ll just let things be for now.” You added, sighing deeply.  

The conversation with Toji went on for a couple of minutes before you said your goodbyes. You know it won’t be like this every night and that makes your chest squeeze but it’d only feel like forcing things if you asked him for that. You’ll move forward. Like you always do. Your child is growing and maybe it’s about time she learns something valuable from you.

—---------------------------------------

“Da!” The little girl squealed as her father entered your apartment. She got up and ran to him, almost tripping on one of her toys. “Careful. I’m not going away.” He picked her up, kissing her cheek. You closed the door behind you, rushing to kick away the things on the floor. It’s still a bit messy because you’re trying to get her ready for the day before you head to work.

“You’re early.” You spoke to him, watching them sit on the couch. “I’m…uh, cooking something. Have you had breakfast?” You bite your top lip as you turn away from them. “I had coffee.” Yui was trying to put a clip on his hair, laughing when she thought she got it done. “Come, eat with us, then.” You picked your daughter up, heading to the kitchen.

“Mama! ‘Gumi?” You put her in her chair, sighing lightly at the mention of her playmate. It has been almost three weeks and you still haven’t told Satoru about what happened with Toji and you. He’s not asking either, but you can tell he’s curious, eyeing you as he enters the small kitchen.

“He’s at daycare. Maybe next week, when Mama��s not busy, alright?” You spoke, placing the food in front of her, and pressing on the plate to make sure that it was stuck on the surface. “Haven’t seen them around.” Satoru cleared his throat, playing it cool as he didn’t want to seem like he was intruding into your “love life.”

“They, uh, they won’t be around so much anymore.” You put the plates on the table, tucking a hair behind your ear as you turned. Satoru pursed his lips, not wanting to pry any longer but the next sentence made his eyebrows raise. “We kinda…Toji and I broke up. So, if not for the kids, we won’t-“ 

“Since when?” If it was before Satoru would probably be thinking about how this is a chance for him but right now, as he sat on that kitchen table, all he could feel was worry. He thinks that you really love Toji and he became your rock during the times when your baby daddy’s acting up.

“Almost three weeks ago. It’s, uh, nothing too heavy. The relationship just became too much.” Satoru doesn’t know if it’s right for him to say “sorry.” He’s scared that it might break you and he doesn’t want to see you cry again. 

He made you cry many times and he hated himself for it. He can’t help but feel like any anger he might harbor towards Toji would be… invalid.  “I didn't think dating when you both already have kids would be so different than when you don’t.” You chuckled half-heartedly. 

“We just don’t think it could stand in the long run, so…” You shrugged, finally sitting down after you placed the glass pitcher on the table. You peeked at Satoru, attempting to read the expression on his face. 

“Look, I know Yui’s always been our priority but if you need a bit of time for yourself, you know you can leave Yui with me.” He cracked his knuckles, not sure of how to help you with this. “You should take a break from work, if you think that’s what you need, I will-“ You placed a hand on his arm, stopping him.

There’s not much he can offer that wouldn’t make it look like he’s trying to take advantage of the situation. That’s the last thing he wants you to think. He thought you were a bit gloomy during the past couple of weeks and assumed it was just a lover’s quarrel or something.

“Thanks. But it’s alright. We’re good, we’re just…not dating anymore.” You let out a laugh, retracting your hand away as you reached for the towel to wipe your daughter’s food-stained cheek. “Megumi and Yui still play together, I mean they’re besties now, right?” Yui giggled at the mention of her friend.

“That’s nice, he’s her first friend.” Satoru smiled genuinely. Aside from Yui’s occasional babbles, Satoru and you ate in silence. Eating together at your home is beginning to become a normal, regular thing now. And for some reason, it doesn’t worry you anymore. 

Getting Yui ready took a bit more time than it should have when she wanted her Dad to pick her clothes. Of course, none of you could say no. You quickly brought out your phone to take a photo of her and her father, holding hands as they stood before the clothes she took out of her drawer.

“It’s chilly. You can’t wear that.” You commented on the shirt she brought out. With a pout on her lips, she continued to pull on her clothes. “We’ll pair it with something. Yeah?” Satoru consoled her, earning a smile from the little girl. “I’ll make the two of you fold all of that.” You joked before turning to pick up a few scattered clothes. 

You checked her bag one last time, counting all the things she needed in your mind. You can hear her laughing as Satoru struggles to put on her boots. She is the happiest when he’s in the house. You fear that she’ll soon start asking about why her father lives in a different house, unlike most kids. 

“You don’t have to worry so much if she left something. We’ll probably be here tomorrow, you know how she is.” Satoru laughed, lifting the child. It’s true that even during the days when she’s supposed to be with her dad, she still asks him to see you. There was one time when they showed up at your work and everybody thought that you’re back together.

“It could be something important.” You sighed, leaning in to give your daughter a kiss. “Be good.” She nodded her head, wiggling her brows in the process, knowing that it never fails to make you laugh. Satoru can’t help but stare, statued by how close you are to each other; paralyzed by the fact that this could’ve been better if he never did what he did.

“Don’t forget the face creams at night, please.” You reminded him, stepping away as you locked eyes. “Of course.” He took the bag, walking towards the door with you trailing closely behind them. “Buh-bye!” She waved at you from her car seat. You watched as Satoru made sure it was locked before closing the door behind him.

“See you in a few days, Mama.” He spoke playfully, and you know that he’s just trying to say it for your daughter but it made your heart swell for some reason, a blush forcing its way to your cheek. This has been happening a lot with him, even when you were still with Toji. You tried to convince yourself that you were just “caught off guard.”

Work kept you busy for the whole day. It wasn’t long until you found yourself on your couch, smiling at the video Satoru sent you. Yui was holding an elephant bowl full of ice cream, focused on the movie playing on the screen. Their matching lilac pajamas made everything more adorable. After sending a reply, you put your phone down.

Days and weeks went by fast. Megumi and Yui played at the park together last week. You thought it’d be awkward but it was pretty much the same with Toji minus the intimacy. He was still chill to be with and he was still very caring towards you. And you admired him for all of it.

“I ran into them at the mall once. I think they went toy shopping.” He spoke, looking over at the kids as they struggled to understand how to make the seesaw work on their own. “Oh yeah, he mentioned that one time.” You replied, before giving a warning to your daughter who’s now so ready to climb the metal board.

Your mind went back to the image of Satoru coming in with boxes and bags, and a little kid trailing behind him, holding on to the hem of his jacket. He couldn’t even carry her because of everything but she was overjoyed, showing off her new stuff. 

“You can’t leave all that here. Her room isn’t big, Satoru.” You sighed, picking your daughter up, “You already have so many toys.” You reminded her but she wasn’t listening at all. “It’s alright, I’ll bring them to my house,” Satoru spoke as he put them on the couch. 

Sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever save up enough to get a bigger space for you and Yui. Satoru once brought it up, offering help but you don’t want that. You’re not together, so to you, being able to provide and improve on your own for your daughter is a goal. You trust that things’ll get better for you, even if you’re alone.

“You two working it out?” Toji's voice brought you out of your memory. You looked at him for a couple of seconds, and he just stared back at you, like he just asked the most normal question an ex could ask. “N-no. He’s not even trying, I mean he never even explicitly tried to show any hint. I doubt that any of us are thinking about that right now.” You rambled and he just nodded.

You didn’t mean to blurt out something like that so casually. But in all honesty, that made you more comfortable and less tense about all of this. He doesn’t make you feel awkward at all. He doesn’t make you feel like you’re stuck in your past with him. It’s almost as if he’s just been a friend, a very close one, all this time.

There was a moment of easy silence between the two of you. You can only hear the noises from the other kids and the two in front of you. But it wasn’t long until it was broken by Toji. “He loves you, you know?” You feel like even the sound of your breaths paused. “I’m not saying that you should force yourself to try again with him. I just want you to know that Satoru genuinely loves you.”

Thinking about it now, you realize that you and Toji never really talked like this about your relationship with Satoru before. It’s always just the problems and the past that you always claimed to be only bitter memories now. 

Toji leaned back on the chair, not caring if you were answering or not. He’s good at sensing the atmosphere, and you’re not in a way bothered by the topic. You were surprised to hear it from him, of course, but you don’t feel troubled at all. 

“Satoru and I had a talk once, just the two of us. I was expecting less from him due to how he treated you before.” He crossed his arms on his chest, eyes wandering as he recalled, “But he was so sure with his words, I was kind of taken aback.” He chuckled, and you wondered what his exact words were.

“No offense, but I feel like that was the only time I really looked at him as a man; a grown man.” He laughed, shaking his head in amusement. “I know 'cause I’ve been there.” He nodded, sounding softer and you just know who he’s thinking about. “The resolve; the determination in him even when he knows that it’s impossible.”

“He has to work on a lot of things. He’s got so much to reflect on.” You sighed, unsure of how to react, not because you rejected the information but because it got your heart drumming in your chest. “We gotta grow as individuals. And if we’re meant to be together, it’s…it’ll happen on its own.” You chuckled, swallowing dryly. 

You don’t know if that scares you or excites you for the future. But you know that it’s gonna be so much better than before.

—---------------------------------------

6 Months Later

“Mama why? Mama why?” You heard Satoru laugh loudly at your daughter's words. She’s been repeating the same words over and over since you started getting her ready. Her hair was up extra nice today and she’s staring at her gown hanging near the dresser.

“Mama whats go on? Huh, Mama?” She asked again, sending Satoru into another fit of laughter. “Baby, I’ve been saying. It’s Yui Day today. Your birthday.” You smiled at her kindly, securing the cute hair clips on her head. “I don’t think she’s fully taken any of this in.” Satoru sat on her bed, looking at the two of you.

Her grandfather volunteered to take care of the preparations at Satoru’s house. The helpers arrived early in the morning and Satoru left him there to pick the two of you up and to help get his little girl ready. You’re still in your house clothes and you’re not even a step closer to being ready. 

“Go take a shower, I got her.” Satoru arrived just as you were fixing Yui’s hair. “Okay, the shoes are over there. Put the headband on after the dress so it won’t mess up her hair.” You reminded him as you stood up. “Yes, Ma’am.” The little girl jumped towards him pointing at her dress. You stepped out and got ready as quickly as you can. 

You were supposed to wear the dress you bought the other week. It wasn’t much and you were worried that it might not look that good, especially with the guests that will come over. You didn’t want to look cheap but you wanted to save so you went for something that goes in the middle. 

To your surprise, when Satoru brought Yui’s gown and shoes, he got another set with him. You thought it was for some outfit change but he soon revealed, albeit shyly, that he thought the dress matched the theme of your daughter’s party so he got it for you. It was a designer dress and a pair of shoes. 

“I’d…I’ll pay for this, alright? I can’t just—” He cut you off with a close-lipped smile and a gentle sight. “Y/N, I know it’s hard to accept this but I already had lots of shortcomings with you and Yui. This doesn’t mean anything, don’t worry. I’m not trying to, you know, I just want you to feel your best during our daughter’s birthday.” He spoke, nervousness still clear in his voice.

“B-but you’re free to decline it if you don’t feel comfortable, sorry, I can take it back to the—” This time you cut him off with a laugh, “I’m sorry this is just so… expensive. I don’t know how to feel if I just openly accept it from you.” You placed the box on the table behind you, sitting down in hopes of changing the atmosphere. 

“Okay, then…just consider this as a gift since I, uh, failed to get you one on your last birthday.” He breathed out the last part as if it was a heavy feeling in his chest that he couldn’t push past his lips. It isn’t as heavy as it was to you though.

Your last birthday was painful to remember, probably the worst one you had ever since you were born even if you never had a big celebration your whole life aside from when you were with Satoru. Last year, your birthday was on the same day as Satoru’s co-parenting schedule. 

That time you were hoping that he and Yui would celebrate it with you. But that morning, he came in with Naomi. With hickeys peeking from his jacket, messy hair, and swollen lips, they picked Yui up. You remember your daughter babbling about “Mama day” in a much less understood baby talk that Naomi still caught.

“Oh, is it your birthday? She said ‘mama day’, right?” Her bright eyes shined at you, dimples showing as she smiled but it didn’t lessen the ache in your chest. “Oh, sorry. Happy birthday.” Satoru spoke, proceeding to take his daughter’s belongings. “We should’ve picked Yui up in the afternoon so, they could spend time together.” She suggested, laughing awkwardly.

“What time did you book the Children’s Museum trip?” Satoru halted, his back turned to you. You were about to interrupt, afraid that you were starting to look too pitiful for the lovebirds in front of you and your child. “It starts at 10:00.” She spoke, adjusting the toddler on her hip. “It’s 9:19.” Satoru read his watch, biting his lips with his eyebrows scrunched together.

“We can’t really leave her now, the Children’s Museum isn’t open every day. You can…uh—” He tried to think, turning to you but you can’t take it anymore. “N-no. It’s alright. You—Yui have fun, baby, alright? We’ll go out when you’re back home.” You waved at the child and her smile soothed you. Almost.

“Happy birthday, Y/N, sorry.” Naomi smiled, avoiding your eyes and you hated it. You hated that she felt sorry for you. You hated that they felt sorry for you. “Enjoy your day.” She added, turning around as she urged your daughter to wave again. “We’ll get going, sorry again. Happy birthday.” He spoke lowly, earning a fake smile and a nod from you.

You closed the door before you could even see him put his hand on her waist and guide them to his car. It was supposed to be. That should be the three of you. You wiped the stray tear that fell from your eyes with the back of your hand. That day, you stayed at home, slept until your mother came and brought food, and refused to tell her the story. 

That night you stayed awake, wondering how many falls a heart can take before it turns to dust, never to be recovered again.

“Done?” Satoru’s voice brought you back to reality. Your eyes flickered to the reflection of the door in the mirror. You were about to respond when the door burst open, and your child trudged in, almost falling as she squealed. “Mama! Pretty Mama!” She pulled at her skirt, turning. “Wow, lovely. You’re so beautiful, baby!” You cooed at her as she hugged your robe-covered waist.

“Dada put this. Dada! This!” You can tell how excited she is by how she shows off everything; from her headband to her anklets and shoes. She even shows it to her father even if he’s the one who dressed her up. You chuckled in amusement, all the pain numbed as your eyes focused on the present.

You looked over at Satoru who tries to look everywhere but you. Your hair’s still wet from the shower, and you’re still in your robe, all bare underneath and you can’t believe it took you this long to realize that. “You’re so pretty, how about we take pictures downstairs? Or with your toys?” He tried to convince her, wanting to give you time to dress up.

“Mama come!” She pulls at you, “Mama has to wear her pretty dress too, so you’ll be twins.” Satoru quickly picked her up, smiling at you as her daughter babbled excitedly, allowing him to distract her as he closed the door behind them. You turned to look at yourself in the mirror once more, drying your hair quietly.

Thinking back on what Toji said, you can’t just believe them after everything Satoru has done.

—---------------------------------------

You can feel Satoru’s light touch as the three of you pose for the final picture of the day before the party ends. It has been such a long day. Yui happily walked around, clapping at the guests when they sang her a birthday song; quite the opposite of what you thought would happen. You and Satoru received a lot of statements and questions as you were greeting the visitors too.

“Oh, you’re back together again, that’s great!” His aunt said to which he quickly answered with a chuckle, “I’d love that, but no.” You smiled at the old lady, thankful for the understanding face rather than pushing.

“I knew you’d be back to Y/N!” His cousin winked at you, raising a fist bump which you couldn’t really reject. Satoru nodded his head, glancing at you awkwardly at how loud the man was being  “When did you guys get back together?” He elbowed him like he was so sure of the information. 

“We’re not…really back together. We’re…This is co-parenting.” Satoru took Yui from you. “Say hi.” And that’s how he changed that topic. He met Yui once when she was a baby and to say that he was mesmerized by how much she looked like Satoru now is an understatement. “How did you manage to turn yourself into a little girl.” He and Satoru laughed and you excused yourself to greet some of your relatives who attended. 

“I would be mad but, oh well, anything that makes that little doll happy.” Your grandma sighed, smiling as she hugged you. “We’re not back together. I’ll bring her here in a bit.” You muttered, pulling at your dress. “That’s a nice dress you have, it looks expensive, honey.” Your mother complimented.

“Yeah, Satoru got it…f-for me. So, uh, we could match the theme. He organized this.” You smiled nervously, worried at how her eyebrows raised. “I’ll be back, Mom.” You added with a little wave before going back to Satoru and Yui who were now looking at you in distress as she got taken by Satoru’s friend.

“Don’t take him back.” was Shoko’s first words to you as you reached them, making the whole table and you laugh. “Stop it.” Satoru grunted, “Give me my kid back if you’re going to be like that.” He rolled his eyes playfully before meeting yours. “He’s still far from that.” You replied, making them laugh again. Satoru knows that you aren’t joking at all.

It’s funny how the people around you have different views regarding reconciliation with him. And you, you don’t want to think of it. Or more like you’re scared to think of it. 

Because you fear that deep in your heart, you still yearn for all of it.

“Yui!” A voice called and when you turned around it was Megumi in his cut little outfit that almost matched Yui’s dress. “Oh gosh, you’re so cute ‘Gumi!” You cooed, hugging the little boy. He would look down at his shirt and back at you as if to show it off. Your eyes wandered around for Toji and you found him speaking to your Mother. You smiled as he waved at you.

“I didn’t see you guys come in.” You spoke as you got close to them. “Sorry, we’re a bit late. He wanted to get another gift.” Toji laughed, nodding at Megumi’s direction who was now walking towards your table with Satoru and Yui. “Thanks for coming.” Satoru encouraged, a little awkwardly.

“Megumi wouldn’t miss his best friend’s birthday.” Toji reached over to fix his son's clothes. You stayed for a bit to talk with Toji and your mom, Satoru took the kids to the photo booth to play with the other kids at the party. 

And now you’re walking the last few of the helpers out the door, thanking them for the smooth flow of the event. Yui already fell asleep on Satoru’s shoulder, just like her little friend. Toji went home with a sleepy Megumi who refused to get carried by his dad and insisted on walking despite the constant stumbling.

Thanking Satoru’s Dad before he heads home, he gives the two of you a piece of advice: “I hope you two are not thinking too much of what to do with what you have.” You both didn’t know what to say. You don’t even get it at first but when he spoke again, it all made sense.

“It will happen if it’s meant to happen. Like before. When you were blessed with this angel.” He softly stroked Yui’s cheek, chuckling when her nose twitched. “Well, that’s all. You’re both doing just great. Satoru, stop worrying about the things with your mom. Leave that to me.” With that, he bid goodbye and left. 

You had to stop yourself from being too curious about what happened with Satoru and his mother. All that you know is that he broke up with Naomi and you thought that she probably tried to stop him, of course. What’s bugging you is the fact that his father had to comfort him about it. Would it be too much to ask?

“Let’s go inside.” He ushered, adjusting his daughter in his arms and patting her head as she wiggled a little before going back to sleep. “I’m glad we hired helpers. I don’t think I can handle cleaning after all of that.” He laughed, carefully sitting on the couch. “I don’t know how celebrities do meet and greets. I feel so drained.” You agreed sitting down on the loveseat.

“I can’t believe she’s three now. It’s like she was still so tiny a few months ago.” His whispers were low; gentle. You could hear all the love in his voice and the tired yet contented look on his face as he gazed lovingly at his child. She could be getting a sibling now, but you fucked around. You caught yourself thinking, biting your lip at the realization of how silly you’re being.

After a short conversation, Satoru decided to put her in her bed. You’re sure that she’ll be awake in an hour or two. You agreed to stay the night here since you considered that Yui might want to open her gifts by the end of the party. She already opened some earlier due to curiosity but got distracted multiple times and ended up forgetting about them. 

“Oh, shit.” You whispered, rummaging through the baby bag with her feet on your lap. You were trying to clean her a little but you ran out of wipes and you forgot to put the extra pack due to the rush this early morning. You carefully placed her feet down to get up and find Satoru. You saw him in his front yard, putting away some things that had been used earlier.

“Does she have wet wipes here? The one in her bag ran out.” You asked him, stepping out of the house. “Yeah, it’s in my bedside drawer, do you mind getting it?” He spoke, carrying a foldable table to the other end of the yard, “Okay.” You found his bedroom door ajar and let yourself in.

Did he specify which one? There are two bedside tables. You went to the closest one, opening the first drawer. You knew you were looking for the wipes and that’s why you came here, you mentally noted that anything in here does not concern you and thus, must not be meddled with. 

But right now you’re staring at the brown envelope with a hospital address and a name with the  “MD, OB-GYN” title plastered on it. You don’t have to have a degree to understand that. You can feel your heart slowly picking up a pace as you think of all the possible meanings of it.

Was Naomi pregnant and they decided to abort it? Did Satoru make her do it? What if he made her do it because of the fact that he still wants to be with you? You can’t really do anything if that’s why but it makes you feel…accountable. Is this why they broke up on bad terms that even his mother doesn’t want to see him anymore?

The envelope was staring back at you and you can’t help but feel like touching it; opening it. You can get your answer right now if you just read what’s inside this quickly. You won’t have to think about all of this anymore. The voice in your head silenced the approaching footsteps and the sound of Satoru’s voice calling your name.

A shadow was cast upon you and the paper. You looked up to see Satoru staring at the envelope with slightly wide eyes. He quickly closed the cabinet, swallowing as he avoided your eyes. “Sorry, I forgot to mention.” He moved away to get the wipes from the other drawer. “It-it’s here.” He walked quickly, urging you to get moving. “Let’s go before she wakes up—”

“What was that, Satoru?” You don’t care how this made you sound as you grabbed his arm preventing him from leaving the room. He wouldn’t have reacted that way; he wouldn’t have disregarded the matter if it wasn’t something to be hidden. Why did he look so alarmed that you saw it? Like you’re not supposed to know about it.

“It was an old test, I forgot to throw it away.” He rasped, staring at your lips; staring everywhere but your eyes. “I know how to read. The date it was delivered shouldn’t be far from the day the test was done, right?” You half blinked, breathing in as you told yourself to calm down. You don’t know how you’d feel if he told you that’s none of your business. 

“Was Naomi pregnant when you broke up with her?” Your voice was a bit more steady, “No.” He sounded small and you could tell that whatever was going on inside his head wasn’t easy to verbalize. “Then, what’s there to hide about it?” You don’t need him to tell you, you could tell that you weren’t supposed to see that.

“I fear that I might be getting a little too overconfident about your feelings for me but—” You lowered your eyes, embarrassed at how that sounded and a bit thankful for being cut off. “She was never pregnant. Sh-she tried…while I was intoxicated. I got her examined.” Satoru rambled, obviously triggered by your words. 

“She what?” You looked at him, brows furrowed and eyes wide, finding it hard to believe the assumption in your head. “I got drunk. She…she tried to…” He walked towards that drawer, pulling out the envelope and the paper inside. 

“Y/N, read it. I couldn't… I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to vent about this to you because that’s all I’ve been doing, I just want to give you all the good now. I’ll try, Y/N, I promise.” At this point, you don’t even know what he’s trying to explain to you but the welling tears in his eyes and the coldness of his fingers against your skin was enough to pull you to him.

The papers were dropped to the floor as you held him to you. His head was bowed down as he cried on your shoulder as if this was the first day he was allowed to cry about this; as if this was the first time he could hold on to someone while the fear, anger, and shame tore him to pieces.

He held onto you as he sobbed his heart out after holding it all in for so long.

He doesn’t deserve this. No matter what he did or said, Satoru doesn’t deserve this. After everything, you can see how much he’s trying. Despite not being promised anything, he’s giving his all. It wouldn’t be easy to forget and it won’t be easy to trust. But the love you feel for this man comes too naturally to be contained.

“You didn’t deserve that…” You hushed him, hearing him blame himself was shattering. Does his mother know? Why did she disappear as well? What really happened? ���Satoru, what happened with your Mom?” His breath hitches. The grown man in the room is now in the form of a child, looking for a hand to hold.

“She knew about it.” His cheeks were wet and his eyes bloodshot as he looked up, running his fingers through his hair. You thought there was something wrong that day. But you didn’t think it could be this bad. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t want to ruin this day, this is our baby girl’s day, I shouldn’t have-“

“Satoru, don’t talk like that. That’s beyond your control.” His breaths were shaky. You doubt that even his closest friends knew about this. “My dad and I placed a restraining order against them. I can’t look at those people the same way anymore.” His eyes were closed as he took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what you’d feel or think if you accidentally found out…like now. I should’ve explained earlier.” He was referring to your assumptions earlier. “I know it’s hard. I’m sorry, I jumped to conclusions.” You don’t know how long the two of you were staring into each other’s eyes but a voice took you out of the little world that you share. 

“Mama…” A cute, sleepy voice called out from outside of the bedroom. “I’ll get her. Calm your mind, Satoru. It’s over. We’re here.” You have no idea how big of an impact those words had on Satoru. He almost wanted to cry again, to pull you close and cry to you again. 

To see your back walking out of this bedroom door, but this time with the promise of being on the other side, waiting. 

He sat there for a few more minutes, releasing all the heaviness in his chest before getting up to wash his face. Leaning on the doorframe of his daughter’s room, he saw you putting on her little sweaters as you sat barefoot on the floor. “Gumi sing me.” The child spoke with enthusiasm. “He did? What did he sing?” You encouraged, fixing her clothes. 

“Can you sing me a song too?” He interrupted, walking in to sit down with you. It was all it took for Satoru to forget what happened earlier. Eating at home with the two of you always feels like an answered prayer. After that, you helped the child open her gifts until way past her sleeping hours.

Walking you to the guest room felt like the first time you lived together; awkward yet heartwarming. Of course, no boundaries were crossed. He wouldn’t try. And you won’t allow it. At least he got to wish you a good night and sweet dreams again.

—---------------------------------------

Days, weeks, and months went by fast. It’s already been 4 months since Yui’s birthday and now you’re walking with her and Satoru at a grocery store. “Yui, this is for the stuff we will buy, this is not a stroller.” You explained as she tried to get Satoru to put her in the pushcart. 

He wasn’t supposed to be with you here but it’s Yui’s pick-up day and you decided that you need to get some stuff. Satoru asked if he and Yui could join you since he doesn’t have anything planned except for an early movie night with his little girl. “You’re not a little baby anymore.” She hit Satoru’s chest as he pouted teasingly at her.

“Hey. We don’t hit.” You talked to her sternly, making her put her head on her father’s chest, whispering an almost inaudible apology. “Satoru, do not let her hit you, she’ll get used to doing that.” You reminded him, knowing that he can’t ever scold his baby girl.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He replied absentmindedly, bouncing the kid in his arms to get her to laugh. These days, you’ve been getting comfortable with things like this. You’ve been getting comfortable with compliments like “Oh you make cute babies” from old people who take a liking to your daughter.

You’ve been getting comfortable with Satoru pushing the cart for you as you look for what you need, reaching for the items on the top shelf, carrying your bags for you, and driving you home as you sit in the passenger seat.

Like right now.

“Her sleeping schedule got a lot better when she changed her vitamins, yeah?” You responded to Satoru with a hum as you chewed on your fries, handing a piece to your daughter as she kicked on her car seat. “Her doctor recommended that. I’m glad it works, she used to get up so early.” The car stopped in front of your apartment.

“Would you like to stay? I’ll be cooking.” You won’t deny that this isn’t the first time you asked, “I’d love to stay.” And this isn’t the first time he agreed. You don’t know why but you didn’t budge from the passenger seat, knowing that Satoru was rushing to open the door for you. You went to your baby and took her inside, not worrying about your things and the groceries you bought.

You can’t remember the last time it felt awkward with Satoru lying on your couch with your daughter. You also can’t remember how he had a pair of spare house slippers for him here. Walking past the fridge, you saw a photo of Yui and Megumi from their recent pool party. 

Satoru came to pick you and Yui up but you ended up staying for another hour. You can’t remember when Toji and Satoru shed a noticeable amount of awkwardness around them. At one point, you even heard them talking about business like they didn’t try to rip each other’s heads off when they first met. 

You can’t remember at what point everything started going right but you’re not complaining.

“Where’s her choccy-juice?” Satoru mimicked Yui’s words, laughing. “I told her we were about to eat in a few minutes but she won’t listen.” Taking the chocolate milk from the fridge, he stood beside you to fulfill his daughter’s request. “She’s not supposed to have a lot of that.” You sighed, “I’ll just let her have a taste so she’ll stop.” His voice sounded so much softer now.

“Dada!” She came running to the kitchen, holding onto Satoru’s leg as she tried to have a peek at what you were cooking. “Wanna see? Here’s your choccy.” He lifted her, letting her hold the sippy cup as they watched you cook. “Hmm…” Both you and Satoru can’t help but laugh at her reaction. 

You don’t know if it’s because a lot of things happened but they all feel like distant memories; some of which you can’t even clearly see in the back of your mind. Satoru felt like a new man and along with this, the pain of your past continuously fades away each time you see his face. 

You don’t want to name the feeling yet but, you know that all that’s meant to happen will happen. 

Like it did when you had Yui. Like it did when you got sundered. Like it did when you tried with different people. Like it does now, as you slowly, steadily fall back together.

PREV | ALT. Ending

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[pitch-black-angel-of-death]

Ghosted again, you throw your phone across the room where it lands in a pile of discarded crisp packets and cake wrappers. But you don't notice as you throw yourself face first onto your bed which creaks in complaint. You're fed up with fake feeders just buttering you up for pictures and then not following through on their promises of daily fast food and hourly snacks and milkshakes. You want to grow but no one actually wants to help when they hear that you've truly got no limits. Death is just one step too far for so many.

You feel the twinge of tears coming and you scoot up to your pillow to console yourself with the tub of chocolate next to the bed. Still a few tears escape, making the caramel centred chocolates now salted caramel and you let out a bitter laugh before saying "Why can't I just have what I want? I'd do anything!" up into the ceiling of your bedroom.

Chocolates and the weight of the rest of your day's work finally catch up with you and pull you into a dream filled sleep. Food is a reoccurring theme, burgers, pies, cakes, pizzas and more, and you eat it all, not one bit gets lost in the usual strange morphing nature of a dream. But strangest of all, you swear you can taste it. The salt covered fries tingle on your tongue, the melted cheese slips down your throat and the sweet creaminess of ice cream coats your mouth. It's beautiful, a true dream. You don't ever want to wake up, but...

You wake. The sudden heavy weight forces your lungs to exhale with a deep raspy wheeze that you never had before. You try to breathe in but you're struggling. As you peer into the gloom of the early morning, you can just about make out the fuzzy outline of me at the end of your bed, with my wings unfolded a little. Your eyes try to adjust to the dim light as your muscles in your neck feel far away and sluggish and you look around your room. The ceiling looks much further away now. Then your eyes drift onto yourself. Humped layers of flab that was your chest flows beyond itself to your tummy. Your belly is something else, it looks like an endless expanse and as you remember how to turn your neck you realise why the ceiling is so far away. One edge of your belly has tumbled from the mattress and is now resting on the carpet, the adipose well dimpled and soft. You're on the floor practically, your bedframe crushed beneath your weight. You turn your head the other way and realise not only the side of your tummy is on the floor but so is rolls and rolls of what made up your leg. It's just pure fat. It is simply a lard tank, not a leg now. Panic washes over you, this is a dream, right? But the quick beating pelt of your heart feels too real, as does the wheezing as you begin hyperventilating in shock.

"You're awake," I murmur warmly from the foot of the mattress. My voice reminds you of hot syrup over fluffy pancakes. Even now, so worried, your mind wanders to food. "Did you not sleep well, my pet? Nightmares? Don't worry you've got a full day of food ahead of you to make you forget all about them."

You try to reply but all that escapes from your lips is a loud and long burp. Relief washes over you as quickly as the panic had came. Food, all day? Your mind shows you snapshots of a life not unlike the dream but now they feel like memories. Piles of different favourite foods all lovingly, if insistingly, fed to you. Soft hands and soft wings brushing over a stretched out body ballooning with cellulite. Kisses in the crook of your neck where the chins meet the neck folds. Leg rolls tenderly sponged off and caressed.

Your stomach gurgles, the blanket of flab that is your body swaying as I make my way down to your face and I trail one dark wing over the metres of belly.

"Your angel is here, beautiful," I smile. My teeth remind you of fresh cream, pearly white. "You didn't wake at your normal time for your pre-breakfast so I know how hungry you're going to feel. I better get started with your favourite, Belgian waffles with clotted cream and chocolate."

Again you try to speak but you can only moan. You want it so badly, even though you have it every day, your brain reminds you. Everyday? No, you were just crying in your bed last night because... what was it? But the life you had before seems so distant now, your brain struggles to hold onto that memory. Was it your life?

You can't think for long as before you, resting on your pillowy body, was four helpings of waffles and a fifth in my hands. My eyes pierce through any worried thoughts and your stomach growls again as I bring a loaded spoon towards your mouth and on reflex you open it. You feel the flab of your chins squish against the rings of fat around your neck and layers of blubber on your chest as you do... just like it did yesterday. As you chew I touch your cheeks, which were beginning to get miniature rolls of their own, and you feel how worn and strong my hands are but here they are being so gentle to you.

"Eat up, my darling, I don't want you having that nightmare again about being alone and so so thin, just 270 pounds, so unwell," I whisper but there is an edge to my voice, a consequence threatened if you don't.

But there it was, an answer. That was the nightmare? You try to think of a time before you threw your phone across the room and sobbed into a tub of chocolates and there was nothing. All other memories were of eating under my watchful eye, growing, stretching out and feeling blissfully full.

You chew faster, finally satisfied to have gotten it straight in your mind and greedily open your mouth for more which you quickly receive from me.

"There we are, back to normal," I hum, keeping up to speed with your chewing and swallowing. My wings flap, cooling you as you work up a sweat from the exercise you are giving your fat laden jaw. Soon you're finishing your final helping, your arms uselessly twitch as I shove it between your cream coated lips, as if you could still feed yourself. Instead your bloated hands are just lost in rolls on the side of your chest, so swollen with grease and fat you can't bend a single finger.

You swallow and gasp for air as you feel the cream squeeze it's way down your gullet. Your chest has a dull ache which seems to be slowly spreading out, down through your arm and to your fingers where they start to tingle somewhere between the rolls of flab. You groan and open your mouth again, trying to remember how speaking works.

'Hhhh-" you wheeze. "Hhhhe, hhhnmt."

I grin, my wings surrounding you. The feathers are cool and soft against your clammy skin. "You haven't spoken in a long time, my pet. Is it that heart again? Maybe this time we've done it. Seven heart attacks in such a short time. You must be so tired, my darling."

"Hnggh," you splutter, cream filled drool dribbling from your worn out mouth. There's a ringing in your ears and its getting louder.

I swiftly leap and land on your endless chest. My fingers sink deep into the lard, irregularly laid down and raw stretch marks covered it. I shake your blubber and my eyes bare down your slack jaw, getting lost in the mound of chins beneath it. My shaking produces a long drawn out burp, but rather than satisfying and relieving your eyes squeeze shut in pain as a burning sensation rips through your chest.

There is nothing. Nothing but the distant hum of blood in your ears. You can't see, you can't feel. And then it comes crashing in like it never left.

"Hhh- hhhu- unn-nng-" you try. But I place a slender finger on your lips and you have no choice but to stop. I have a slight, but mischievous, smile on my lips.

I know, I mouth, while standing and stretching. The morning sun shines around me, highlighting my missing halo. You're hungry, I mouth again but this time with an eye roll, before leaving like the mist in the morning, fading out as the sun burned through me.

And in your blurry vision, over the mounds of flesh that make up your body, down at the foot of the broken bed, underneath mountains of wrappers, your phone lights up with a message from the person who had ghosted you.

Hey, you up?

Interpret this story however you like, I wanted to do something surreal-ish

[mybelovedwoo]

sound of love pt.2

hongjoong x f!reader

fluff, angst, enemies to lovers, work rivalry/ wc: 2.9k

warnings: arguments, kissing

note: part 2 is finally here everyone!!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics, you can apply here!

hongjoong masterlist - main masterlist

"Your sister?" Hongjoong repeated, his mind struggling to process the information.

The room fell into an awkward silence, the tension palpable. Maddox stood there, his fists clenched, glaring at Hongjoong. Y/n shifted uncomfortably, caught between her brother and the man she was just kissing.

"Yes," Maddox said, his voice tight with barely controlled anger. "Y/n is my half-sister. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't mess around with her."

Hongjoong's eyes flicked back to Y/n, who looked at him with a mixture of worry and apology. He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "I... I didn't know," he finally said, his voice softer.

Y/n stepped forward, placing a hand on Maddox's arm. "Maddox, please, it's not what you think. We were just—"

"Just what?" Maddox interrupted, his eyes never leaving Hongjoong's. "This place is important to all of us, and I don't want personal issues to interfere with our work."

Y/n sighed, trying to keep her voice calm. "I promise, Maddox. This won't affect our work."

Maddox exhaled slowly, his expression softening slightly as he looked at his sister. "Fine. But remember, Y/n, I'm watching out for you."

Hongjoong, his mind still reeling from the revelation, took a step forward. "This won't happen again," he said firmly, looking directly at Maddox. "I respect Y/n and our work here. I won't let anything jeopardize that."

Maddox gave a curt nod, seemingly satisfied with Hongjoong's response, and left the room, the door closing behind him with a quiet click. Y/n and Hongjoong stood in the silence, the weight of the moment hanging heavily between them.

-

In the days that followed, Hongjoong made a conscious effort to stay away from Y/n. The complications of their situation were too much for him to handle. He was mad that the truth had been hidden from him and the others, and he was mad that he liked her very much.

Every morning, Hongjoong arrived at the studio early, hoping to avoid any interaction with Y/n. He buried himself in his work, headphones clamped over his ears, eyes glued to his computer screen. When she entered the room, he barely acknowledged her presence, offering only curt nods and monosyllabic responses.

Y/n, noticing his cold demeanor, tried to reach out to him several times. She approached him during breaks, hoping to have a private conversation. "Hongjoong, can we talk?" she would ask, her voice tinged with concern.

He would look up briefly, his expression blank. "I'm busy," he would reply, turning his attention back to his work.

The distance he put between them was palpable. In team meetings, he avoided sitting next to her, choosing seats at the opposite end of the table. During brainstorming sessions, he directed his ideas to others, rarely making eye contact with Y/n.

Their once lively collaboration had become a series of stilted, professional exchanges. The creative energy that had flowed so naturally between them now felt strained and mechanical. The rest of the team noticed the shift, their curious glances and hushed whispers only adding to the tension.

Y/n, frustrated and hurt by Hongjoong's behavior, found herself constantly on edge. She didn't understand why he was pushing her away, and the more she tried to bridge the gap, the more he seemed to retreat.

One afternoon, she cornered him in the break room, her patience worn thin. "Hongjoong, we need to talk," she said firmly, blocking his way.

He sighed, avoiding her gaze. "There's nothing to talk about, Y/n. Let's just focus on our work."

"Don't give me that," Y/n snapped, frustration coloring her voice. "You can't keep shutting me out. What's really going on?"

Hongjoong's eyes flashed with anger. "You know exactly what's going on. This whole situation is a mess, and I don't know how to deal with it."

"At least let me explain the situation," Y/n pleaded, her voice softer now.

But Hongjoong shook his head, his expression hardening. "No, Y/n. I don't want to hear it. Just leave it alone."

Y/n's shoulders sagged with defeat as she watched him walk away, the distance between them growing wider with each passing day.

-

As fate would have it, the team had a scheduled work trip to a cabin retreat for brainstorming and team-building exercises. The idea was to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and focus on their creative processes in a peaceful environment. The entire group was excited, but the tension between Y/n and Hongjoong cast a shadow over the trip.

They arrived at the cabin in the early afternoon. As everyone unpacked and settled in, Y/n and Hongjoong tried to keep their distance. Their interactions were limited to polite, strained exchanges, and the weight of unspoken words hung heavily in the air.

While everyone was busy unpacking the car, Y/n approached Hongjoong, determined to break the ice. "Hey, do you need any help with the luggage?" she asked, her voice tentative.

Hongjoong, struggling to lift a heavy music device, glanced at her briefly. "No, I can handle it," he replied curtly.

Y/n watched as he continued to struggle, the device clearly too heavy for him to manage alone. Before she could insist on helping, Hongjoong lost his grip and the device fell to the ground with a loud thud, causing him to stumble and fall with it.

"Are you okay?" Y/n asked, rushing to his side to help him up.

But Hongjoong, his frustration boiling over, snapped at her. "I said I didn't need your help!" he shouted, brushing her off.

Y/n stepped back, hurt by his harsh words. Hongjoong stood up, wincing as he put weight on his hurt foot. Without another word, he limped inside, leaving Y/n standing outside alone.

Later that afternoon, the group gathered in the main living area of the cabin, the atmosphere a blend of camaraderie and creative energy. They settled into their respective corners with their instruments and equipment, ready to work on the music for the album. Drinks were poured, laughter echoed, and the cabin buzzed with the vibrant chaos of collaboration.

Y/n, seeking a bit of solace amidst the lively chaos, found a quiet corner with her piano. She gently pressed the keys, letting soft, soothing melodies flow through the room. Hongjoong, who was strumming his guitar nearby, glanced at her every now and then, unable to completely ignore her presence.

As the hours passed and the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a warm glow through the cabin windows, Y/n's playing grew more introspective. She began to hum, her voice blending seamlessly with the piano. The melodies were hauntingly beautiful, filled with emotion that tugged at the heartstrings of anyone who listened.

Hongjoong watched her from across the room, his curiosity piqued. He couldn't hear the words she was humming, but he could see the shift in her expression—eyes closing, brows furrowing, lips quivering. The music took on a melancholic tone, and Hongjoong's chest tightened with an inexplicable ache.

Suddenly, Y/n's playing stopped. She stood up abruptly, her face a picture of suppressed pain, and hurriedly left the room, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Hongjoong's heart sank as he watched her retreat up the stairs, disappearing into her room.

The room fell into an awkward silence, the previous joviality replaced with a sense of concern. Maddox, noticing his sister's sudden departure, frowned and glanced at Hongjoong, who looked away, guilt and confusion etched on his face.

"Should we check on her?" one of their colleagues asked, breaking the silence.

Maddox shook his head gently. "No, she just needs some time. Let's give her some space."

But Hongjoong couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to do something. He stood up, setting his guitar aside, and without a word, followed Y/n up the stairs. The hallway outside her room was dimly lit, the only sound the faint echo of her soft sobs.

He knocked gently on her door. "Y/n? Can we talk?"

There was a long pause before she replied, her voice shaky. "Go away, Hongjoong. I don't want to talk right now."

"Please, Y/n," he pleaded, his hand resting on the door frame. "I... I want to understand. Let me in."

The door creaked open slightly, and Y/n stood there, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She looked at him with a mix of sadness and vulnerability. "Now you want to talk?"

Hongjoong took a deep breath, his expression earnest. "Yes, now I want to talk. I know I've been distant and cold, but I care about you, Y/n. Seeing you like this... it hurts."

She crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe. "So why did you keep pushing me away? Why now, Hongjoong?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Because I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. Everything became so complicated, and I was scared. But I don't want to keep hurting you."

Y/n looked down, her shoulders trembling. "It's been so hard, Hongjoong. I thought we had something special, but then you just... shut me out."

He reached out, gently lifting her chin so she would look at him. "We do have something special. And I don't want to lose that. Can you tell me what happened? I want to hear your reasoning."

Y/n took a deep breath, her eyes searching his face for sincerity. "Alright. Maddox and I are half-siblings. We share the same mother but have different fathers." She paused, then continued, "We agreed not to tell anyone about our relationship. We didn't want anyone to think that I got the job because he is my brother. I wanted to show my abilities, what I'm capable of. I wanted to be respected for my work."

Hongjoong nodded, his expression softening as he listened. "That makes sense. But why didn't you tell me once we got close?"

"Because," she continued, "I didn't want you to think less of me or to think I was hiding something important. And by the time I realized how much I liked you, it felt like it was too late to explain. I was scared you'd be mad, and it turns out I was right."

Hongjoong sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I understand now. It just hurt to think that you were keeping such a big part of your life from me. I felt like I couldn't trust you."

Y/n nodded, her eyes glistening with fresh tears. "I get that. I really do. But I never meant to hurt you, Hongjoong. I was just trying to protect my relationship with Maddox and keep things professional."

He took her hands in his, squeezing them gently. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I was just overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle everything. But I want to try again, Y/n. Can we?"

A small smile broke through her tears, and she nodded. "Yes, Hongjoong. We can try again."

Y/n pulled him into her room, the soft lighting casting a warm glow over the space. Hongjoong's eyes widened in surprise as she closed the door behind them. She stood in front of him, looking down, her demeanor suddenly shy and uncertain. "Now can we talk bout that kiss that happened between us?"

Hongjoong took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart. "Okay, let's talk about it."

She looked up, meeting his eyes. "That kiss... it was unexpected, but it meant something to me. Did it mean anything to you, or was it just in the heat of the moment?"

Hongjoong stepped closer, his gaze sincere. "It meant a lot to me, Y/n. I didn't plan it, but I don't regret it. It made me realize just how much I care about you."

She blushed, her heart swelling with hope. "I care about you too, Hongjoong. I was scared that my feelings were one-sided, and that maybe you kissed me out of anger or frustration."

He shook his head, gently taking her hands in his. "No, it wasn't out of anger or frustration. It was because I couldn't hold back my feelings any longer. I've been pushing you away because I was scared, but I don't want to do that anymore."

Hongjoong stepped closer, his eyes locked onto hers with an intensity that made her breath catch. He reached up and gently stroked her cheek, his thumb brushing away a lingering tear. The tenderness in his touch made her heart flutter.

Without a word, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers in a soft, tentative kiss. Y/n's eyes fluttered closed as she melted into the kiss, her hands moving to rest on his shoulders. The world seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of them wrapped in the moment.

The kiss deepened, growing more passionate and urgent as their emotions spilled over. Hongjoong's hands slid to her waist, pulling her closer as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss further. Y/n responded in kind, her fingers threading through his hair, holding him close.

They stumbled slightly, their movements uncoordinated but filled with a desperate need to be closer. Hongjoong's legs bumped against the edge of the bed, and they tumbled onto the mattress, their lips never breaking contact.

Y/n found herself lying beneath Hongjoong, his body pressing down against hers in a way that sent a thrill through her. She arched her back slightly, her hands roaming over his shoulders and down his back, feeling the strength and warmth of him.

Hongjoong pulled back slightly, his breath ragged as he looked down at her, his eyes dark with desire. "Y/n..."

She smiled up at him, her own breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. "Hongjoong, I..."

He silenced her with another kiss, this one even more fervent than the last. His hands roamed over her body, exploring the curves and lines that he had only dared to imagine before. She responded eagerly, her own hands caressing and pulling him closer.

Time seemed to lose all meaning as they lost themselves in each other. The kiss became a conduit for all the emotions they had been holding back—fear, desire, hope, and love—all mingling together in a heady, intoxicating blend.

Eventually, they pulled back, their foreheads resting against each other as they caught their breath. Y/n's eyes were bright with unshed tears, but this time, they were tears of happiness. 

They lay in each other's arms for a while, enjoying the quiet intimacy of the moment. The warmth and comfort they found in each other felt like the beginning of something beautiful.

Hongjoong gently brushed a strand of hair from Y/n's face and asked, "What was that song you played earlier on the piano?"

Y/n looked at him, her eyes softening with affection. "Do you want to hear it?"

He nodded, a smile playing on his lips. "Yes, I'd love to."

They both stood up, and hand in hand, they walked downstairs to where the rest of the team was gathered. As they entered the room, their colleagues looked up, curious and slightly surprised to see the newfound closeness between them.

Y/n made her way to the piano and sat down, glancing at Hongjoong who gave her an encouraging nod. She took a deep breath and announced, "I wrote a song, and I'd like to share it with you all."

The room fell silent, all eyes on her. The atmosphere was filled with anticipation as Y/n positioned her fingers on the keys and began to play. The melody flowed effortlessly, capturing the room's attention with its beauty and emotion.

Her voice joined the music, soft and haunting, as she sang the words that had been pouring from her heart:

"In the quiet of the night, I found a melody, A whisper of the stars, A secret symphony.

In the shadow of the moon, I felt a gentle breeze, A story in the silence, A heart's sweet release."

Her colleagues listened, captivated by the raw emotion in her voice and the poignant lyrics that seemed to resonate with everyone in the room.

Hongjoong watched her, his heart swelling with pride and admiration. The song was beautiful, a testament to her talent and the depth of her feelings.

"Every note a tear, Every chord a sigh, In this song of love, We will learn to fly.

Though the path is long, And the night is cold, With this melody, We'll find our way home."

As she finished, the last notes lingering in the air, the room erupted in applause. Y/n looked up, her eyes meeting Hongjoong's, and she smiled, feeling a sense of accomplishment and connection.

Maddox was the first to speak, his voice filled with pride. "That was amazing, Y/n. Truly beautiful."

The others chimed in with their praises, each one expressing their admiration for her talent and the song's emotional impact.

Hongjoong made his way to her side, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You were incredible," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity.

Y/n's heart fluttered at his words, and she leaned into his touch. "Thank you, Hongjoong. It means a lot."

As the night continued, filled with music, laughter, and camaraderie, Hongjoong glanced at Y/n, her smile radiant as she interacted with their colleagues, and felt a warmth in his chest.

In that crowded music store, he had been so frustrated, so determined to get his hands on that last speaker. But now, as he looked at Y/n, he realized how glad he was that he hadn't. If he had, he might never have met the woman who had changed his life in ways he could never have imagined.

It felt like destiny, like some cosmic force had orchestrated their encounter, setting the stage for a symphony of emotions, challenges, and ultimately, love. The rivalry that had sparked between them had been the catalyst for something beautiful, a perfect harmony that resonated deeply within him.

Hongjoong knew that their journey was just beginning. There would be more challenges, more disagreements, and more moments of doubt. But there would also be more music, more laughter, and more love. Together, they would create something extraordinary. 

-

taglist: @engentiny @abibliolife @k-zuzu @dinossaurz @blushiguro @ateezswonderland

[thesophistiicate]

hey im 20 year old female. recently i have recognised that i practice negative self talk a lot. any advices how could i stop or atleast reduce it?

how to cure negative self talk 🤍💭

the way we speak to ourselves can majorly impact our self worth and ability to reach our goals. i remember when i first tuned into my inner monologue… i was shocked and disgusted at how horribly i was speaking to myself all day every day. i had no idea! so i began researching how to stop it and implementing as much as i could. it definitely takes a lot of active work but i’m happy to say that years later i currently hardly ever have negative thoughts about myself (or others) anymore, and when i do it’s really easy to catch and deal with.

1. tune into your thoughts

it’s common for negative thoughts to run wild through our minds without us actually even noticing. the first step is to take some time to tune in and really notice what you’re thinking. the best time to do this is in “trigger” moments, like when you’re stressed, facing something challenging, looking at yourself, reflecting on a social interaction etc. how you talk to yourself in these moments will be very revealing.

2. actively reframe negative thoughts

flip any negative thought you have into an opposite, positive thought and/or speak to yourself with compassion and nurture. a common one for me when i was stressed while working and feeling stuck was “ugh i’m so stupid!” i changed it to “i’m smart and capable of solving problems”. it will feel silly at first but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. with time you won’t have the negative thoughts at all.

3. journalling/writing morning pages

morning pages are from “the artist’s way”, which i recommend everyone read and try at least once in their life. but you write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts first thing in the morning (ideally). no self editing, anything that crosses your mind goes down. this is where a lot of your deep negative thoughts tend to spew out, and this allows you to see them, confront them, and view them as the silly little thoughts they are. your negative thoughts are from shame and fear; you need to express them and get them out. shame thrives in darkness but will shrivel under the light.

4. practice mindfulness and staying present in the moment

so often we spiral into negativity due to overwhelm. guided meditations helped me a lot (you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, insight timer etc). you’re essentially trying to re-wire your automatic brain response so you need to be able to stop running on autopilot and actually tune into what’s happening inside by gaining some control over your thoughts. it’s literally like training a muscle so is difficult at first, but you get better at it the more you do.

5. eliminate distractions and consider a dopamine detox

we numb and distract ourselves in a variety of ways. whether it’s constantly surrounding ourselves with people, scrolling social media, binge watching tv, over-using substances or other indulgences etc… these things are fine in moderation (and actually can be necessary to overall wellbeing, i think being constantly self aware can also drive you crazy and you’re allowed to have a break) but take note of how often you are actually numbing yourself out and promoting disconnection with your mind. you need to be able to face your thoughts.

6. notice how you think about others, too

i’ve mentioned before one of my worst qualities to overcome was the fact i could be very judgemental and arrogant. i actually found this was directly related to my negative self perception - after all, what we think about others is usually actually just a projection of how we feel about ourselves, our insecurities, our fears. so i also made an effort to stop judging others and instead find positives to focus on. this worked so well to overall retrain my mind toward positivity (and also started attracting much more healthy and positive relationships into my life too).

and consider tailored support if necessary

if you struggle with any of the steps on your own, a therapist, counsellor, coach, or other professional may able to be help with more personalised guidance 🤍

[pankowcrumbs]

Can I ask for Joseph Quinn x reader?

She's scared of drunk people and he knows it, but because of his job he must attend after parties where he sometimes gets drunk. They have a deal when it happens he sleeps in hotel room. One night however he comes back home, drunk. She's anxious, but tries to hide it. Next morning she notices he's not himself during breakfast, but decides she won't speak unless he does. He leaves home and come back quickly with flowers. He's all teary and shaky when he asks her to forgive him and don't leave him, because he loves her deeply and won't hurt her. She asks if he remembers previous night and when he says he doesn't really she tells him how sweet and cuddly he was, and reassures him she won't leave because she felt safe around his drunk self as never before.

Safe X Joseph Quinn

MasterList

Joseph Quinn Masterlist

Stranger Things and Cast Masterlist

Joseph and I had a deal.

Whenever he had a premiere or wrap party anything with free-flowing champagne and flashing cameras he’d stay in a hotel if he ended up drinking. Not because I didn’t trust him, but because of my past childhood trauma.

Drunk people made me anxious. Their voices too loud, movements unpredictable. It reminded me of things I didn’t like to remember. Joseph understood that. Never judged. Just held me gently, promised me safety, and stuck to the plan.

Until last night.

The front door had opened just past midnight. I sat on the sofa, book in hand, heart hammering. He stumbled in, coat halfway off, grinning at something unseen. And drunk. Definitely drunk.

“Hey, love,” he’d murmured, slurring a little, before collapsing onto the sofa beside me and resting his head in my lap like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I froze. But then… he didn’t yell or sway or sway again. He just held my hand. Mumbled about how soft my skin was. Pressed the tiniest kiss to my knee.

“I love you, y’know?” he whispered before falling asleep right there.

And oddly, I didn’t feel afraid of him. Just a little anxious but not scared.

The next morning, he was quiet.

He sat at the table, stirring tea he hadn’t sipped. Hair unbrushed, eyes on the edge of his plate. I didn’t ask. I just slid toast toward him and sat down opposite, pretending to scroll on my phone.

Ten minutes later, he left.

Twenty minutes after that, he returned.

The door slammed, keys hit the table, and then he was in front of me, hands full of a messily wrapped bouquet tulips and daisies and something purple I couldn’t name.

His hands were shaking.

“I’m sorry,” he said, eyes glassy. “I messed up. I didn’t mean to come home, I forgot the rule and I just I didn’t want you to be scared and think I didn’t care, because I do, I care so bloody much”

“Joseph.”

He stopped. Breathing heavy. Chest rising and falling like he’d run a mile.

I stood and took the flowers from his hand, setting them on the counter.

“Do you remember last night?”

His face twisted. “Bits. Not clearly.”

“You were drunk,” I said, stepping closer. “But you were… sweet. You told me you loved me. You fell asleep on my lap. And for the first time in my life, being near someone who’d had too much didn’t make me want to run. I felt safe.”

He blinked. A tear slid down his cheek.

I cupped his face. “I’m not leaving, Joe.”

“You’re not?”

“Don’t be daft.”

He let out a shaky laugh, pulling me into a hug so tight I thought I might break.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I pressed my face into his shoulder. “I know. I love you too.”

[miniar]

Volcanic eruption on the edge of town in Iceland

January 14th update.

Early this morning a crack opened up in the earth and lava started to spill out. This wasn't entirely unexpected but it's placement is the worst case scenario for a lot of people.

You, like the people who live in Grindavík, can watch the slow flow of molten earth towards the town live, on webcams that cover the area from a few angles, on either of these two links. Remember, these are people's homes, so, while bearing witness to nature's wrath is something we may want to do, know you're doing it along side the very people whose homes those are. Don't be a ghoul. Link 1 - Icelandic national broadcast

Link 2 - Morgunblaðið

Now let me go back a couple of days and cover some preamble.

A group of people have been working hard, building a low protective wall (think sandbagging but for lava, not water) and trying to fill in the massive crack in the earth in the Icelandic town of Grindavík when one of them went missing. His tools were spotted down the crack, but after a few days of searching, the authorities gave up on finding him. He's presumed dead, swallowed whole by the earth. This is the first death associated with the situation.

When the crack opened this morning it opened across the protective barrier they had been working on. Some effort was made to try and get the expensive machinery out, making several people watching on live feeds very very nervous, as the lava started running on both sides of this little barrier. A clear black split in the bright red heat of molten rock in the dark winter morning. No machines and no (more) workers were lost, but fear rose quickly. If the lava split the barrier then what of the town?

Before the question could even be asked "officially" enough to start formulating a swift answer, a second smaller tear in the earth opened on the town's side of the wall, far closer to the nearest street, the nearest home, than the previous larger crack.

People who had been struck with fear and a panicked hope that Something could be done to protect their homes watched as that hope was swiftly set ablaze.

The search for the missing man stopped just the day before yesterday, so this has been very quick, and while the previous situation was marked with repeated and intense earthquakes and a tiny spillage of lava that lasted less than a day, this was almost gentle. People didn't get a buildup of warning as pressure rose and the ground readied itself to spill forth it's contents, not the way they did before. It seems the pressure release of December just wasn't enough for a notable difference. The town of Grindavík stands empty right now. No one is in there, waiting for the slow flowing doom. But these are still people's homes. Everyone's been evacuated, but almost everyone had been hoping, and had begun waiting, to go HOME. They are watching this now. Wondering if their home will even exist tomorrow.

This is expected to be the worst volcanic event in Iceland since the eruption in Heimaey where a large portion of the settlement was entirely lost.

We rebuilt then and odds are we'll rebuild now, but everyone who's ever lost anything close to this degree knows that no matter how well you rebuild, no matter what well you replace what you've lost, what's lost is still Lost.

So, be kind, don't be a ghoul, and maybe take the moment to respect the fierce power of the earth we all have such tendency to take for granted, and be reminded of how even in places of peace, human life both physical and metaphorical, is so very, very, very fragile, that we should be treating it gently and not as disposable.

And if you want to donate to help the people of Grindavík, I suggest you donate to help the people of Palestine instead, or to a Transgender charity, or to any other people who are face man-made horrors instead. Your kindness is wonderful, but while this is a fucking disaster, it's one Iceland's familiar with, and it's only natural. You can't counterbalance mother earth, but you can counterbalance your fellow man.

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

Between You and Me

A prompt from @bloodgulchblog for the phrase "Between you and me, Big guy's a little shy." Very much inspired by this art from reddit user InvalidMedia - check it out.

-

If he closed his eyes, he could inhale the morning air and listen to the trill of insects and imagine he's home. He remembers the air of Charybdis IX away from Scyllion and other loud mining towns, full of life. Down from the wharf and up the river where the water made the air damp and the vegetation softened the sound of progress. Zeta Halo's air clings to him now. A second skin, or really a third, since he feels covered in dirt, sweat, and who knows what else.

There's no sound of a river. Only the slow flowing water swirling in the retention pond before him and a handful of other marines. Too perfect to be natural. Too clear to pass up. It was a bathing day. Some stood guard while those who drew the first straws bathed in the cool morning mist. He'd have preferred to have gone later or maybe in the midday sun when it wasn't so cold. But beggars can't be choosers, a little bracing water is good for the body.

And it would help with any stray thoughts about Chief as one of their lookouts. There wasn't anything going on between them except Fernando's twisted hope that he was worth caring about Chief and that Chief would learn to care about himself. It didn't matter now. It wasn't the time.

He wasn't the only Spartan on duty, but he drew the most eyes. Fernando almost wanted to laugh. He'd never bathed under armed guard before.

He stripped quickly a few feet from the shore and made his way into the water with little complaint. He couldn't help the hiss at the cold but he dunked himself under the surface quickly and came up with his teeth chattering. A quick bath then.

Scrubbing himself with a rag from his supplies and some sand from the shore made him reminisce about camping. They had to make do. He tried not to wrinkle his nose in disgust as the water turned filthy around him. Others were having the same issue, if the loud calls and splashing were anything to go by. He scratched at his beard and waded a little further in to dunk himself in a cleaner spot.

He wasn't expecting slippery metal beneath the silt and a sudden drop. He sank beneath the surface with a yelp and flailed back up clumsily. Just in time to notice the attention he attracted.

Chief was already past the shoreline and moving towards him when Fernando resurfaced and cleared his airways.

The cool water did nothing to stop the color in his cheeks as Chief nodded at him and returned to his post.

Some other crew swam up to check on him as well and he tried waving them off, but to no avail.

"Chief's got his eye on you. Thought he was going dive in after you went down." One marine said, grinning goodnaturedly.

"I'd hope he'd take the armor off first." Another marine shot back.

"You're his pilot, right?"

"His pilot?"

"Yeah! One he calls in and brings us vehicles. You're that guy."

"Uh, yeah. That's me!" He chuckles nervously. He's incredibly aware of how he must look like a drowned rat.

"You must know him pretty well."

"I-I mean. He saved me? But he does that for everyone."

"Come on guys, leave the pilot alone. We got a few minutes left before we're out and some of you look as bad as you did before getting in."

That gets the small crowd to disperse and Fernando breathes a sigh of relief. Until he realizes there's one last hanger-on. It's some young ensign type, barely had any weapons training before it all went to hell.

"What's he like?" He nods to Chief and Fernando's heart speeds up. "He hovers around you. It's kind of funny watching marines follow him when he's always following you."

Fernando swallows. "Between you and me? Big guy's a little shy."

The ensign nods solemnly like he's being trusted with top secret info. And maybe in a way he is.

He swims off to trail after his buddies and leaves Fernando still thinking about his words. Chief stayed. He always comes back, or checks in. Even when Fernando doesn't think he's worth it.

[tobythewise]

toby!!!! so excited you're doing this uwu naturally gotta request fenders, anddd the dialogue prompt of “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?” stood out to me <3

Thank you so much for this prompt! I want you to know that I’ve been thinking about it all week 🤣 I was super indecisive on how I wanted to go about it because part of me wanted to go full smut but instead I went head first into introspective fluff! I hope you enjoy! 💚

Written for @dadrunkwriting

Gentle, barely there fingers run down Anders’ spine and a shiver goes through him. His body is pleasantly sated, his mind practically blank for the first time since he can remember. He’s not sure if that’s because of the thorough fucking he just received or if it’s from being in the presence of Fenris’ lyrium but either way he feels content. He knows it won’t last but he plans to enjoy it while it’s here.

For once, he embraces the moment of quiet that’s meant just for him instead of planning his next underground mission or the next page of his manifesto. They’ll keep until tomorrow.

The fingers running along his back are soft as they trace the spattering of scars they find. There was a day that Anders used to be embarrassed by the scars left behind in his skin. He used to keep them hidden from Karl. He used to attempt to hide them while sleeping with other people, always keeping them under him instead of behind him. Now? Now he doesn’t see the need to hide, especially from Fenris who bears his own marks of past oppressors.

Anders still can’t believe he’s here, naked in Fenris’ bed. By the Maker, how did they end up here?

When Anders imagined this happening, it was always a heated arguement that instead of coming to blows, came to heated kisses. Or maybe a drunken mistake they’d both pretend never happened the next morning.

Instead, it was comfort given during a trying time. It was a slow build of trust. It was leaning on each other when the others around them didn’t quite understand what it meant to find freedom and then hold onto it so tight it hurts.

In the past, Anders fell quick. His affection would come fast and it would burn hot and bright. This time it took him by surprise, growing slowly over the span of years until it was a part of him, the same as breathing or the same as Justice inside him.

“May I ask you something?”

Anders turns his head slightly so he can look over at Fenris. He’s sitting beside Anders with his one leg curled up to his chest, the other laid out in front of him. He has one land on Anders’ back, tracing over his scars, the other outstretched on his knee. The blanket covers Anders’ ass and flows over Fenris’ groin. He looks so carefree like this, so much so that Anders feels tears spring to his eyes. By the Maker, he’s getting sappy in his old age.

“Anything.”

“You have thought of this, haven’t you?”

Anders looks away for a moment, biting back his first reaction. In the past he would have made a joke to break the tension or sent out sharp barbs to keep himself safe from being vulnerable. He doesn’t want to do that with Fenris. Letting out a long breath, his eyes meet Fenris’ once more.

“Yes,” he says honestly, daring to give Fenris a soft smile. “It’s almost embarrassing how often I’ve thought about this, about you. I would lay awake at night, aching for you.”

Anders stomach swoops at the sound of Fenris sucking in a harsh breath. Fenris’ hand on his back stills, his palm laying hot and heavy on one particular scar. A mark left behind from a knife into his back. That particular one coming after he was joined with Justice.

The moment stretches and Anders waits, for once staying just as still as Fenris.

As Fenris goes back to touching him, this time playing with the ends of Anders’ hair, he finally responds. “Don’t be embarrassed by your desires. We have earned our right to have them and embrace them.”

Anders smiles up at him, his chest warm with affection. There’s something beautiful about being with someone who understands the magnitude of moments like this.

He reaches over and wraps an arm around Fenris’ waist, forcing him to lay back. Then he flips over, hovering over Fenris. Not that long ago Fenris would have fought him, pushed him away, snarled in disgust. They’ve come so far.

“I’m in love with you. I’m not sure if you realize that,” Anders says softly, “but I want you to know.” He cups Fenris’ face, his thumb caressing his cheek.

“Why does it sound like there is a but coming?”

“You’ve suffered so much at the hands of mages. It feels wrong to bind you to me when I fight for the things I fight for.”

Fenris closes his eyes, breathing through his nose. This close, Anders can feel Fenris’ heart picking up speed.

“I knew your fight when I kissed you. My eyes are wide open. I know of your plight, mage. That did not stop me.” Fenris swallows thickly while Anders feels hope blossom inside his chest. “I would still have you, Anders. If there is a place for me at your side, that is where I want to be.”

Anders can’t stop his smile from spreading. He rests his forehead against Fenris’ for a moment before taking his lips in a fierce kiss.

There’s so much coming that Anders isn’t sure he’s prepared for. There’s a storm blooming and one way or another things have to change. Who better to change things than a man with a limited life thanks to the blight inside of him who also has a spirit of Justice inside of him?

But right now he doesn’t need to think about that. Right now he’s allowed to just be Anders.

[timid-raccoon]

New Year's

Another New Year’s Eve had come and gone without you. I still remember our first one, just shortly after we had met. I remember you looking at me across the small crowd with that dazzling smile, cheeks rosy from the cold and the drink in your hand alike. Your warm eyes sparkled with the fairy lights that were wrapped around the pergola on our mutual friend’s patio. This was the night we shared our first kiss, under the flashing lights of the fireworks illuminating the night sky that mirrored the fireworks erupting in my chest.

A quiet walk home, memories of a lost loved one, and a snowflake.

Author's note: This is the first fic I’m releasing into the wild, so please be nice, but also, constructive criticism is appreciated, as this isn’t exactly beta read (other than me sending this to my sister and her saying she liked it). I recommend listening to the piano versions of the EP “One” by Sleep Token - especially “When The Bough Breaks” - while reading, which can be found here. 

Crossposted on AO3

Word count: 1.1k

I buried my head deeper in my scarf, pulling my shoulders up to shield myself against the cold gust of wind that tousled my hair. The fingers gripping my umbrella were starting to go numb despite the thick gloves I was wearing. The walk home was quiet, the fresh snow that was softly crunching under my feet laying a silent blanket over every sound, swallowing and muffling it. Hardly anyone was out on the streets – people were surely still sleeping or nursing their hangovers from partying until the early morning hours. It was only just after 9 a.m. on New Year’s Day, after all. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the crisp winter air through my nose to help wake me up, having only gotten a few short hours of sleep myself. The smell of the softly falling snow filled my lungs and I opened my eyes again, blinking into the bright white morning light as I exhaled a cloud of condensation.

Another New Year’s Eve had come and gone without you. I still remember our first one, just shortly after we had met. I remember you looking at me across the small crowd with that dazzling smile, cheeks rosy from the cold and the drink in your hand alike. Your warm eyes sparkled with the fairy lights that were wrapped around the pergola on our mutual friend’s patio. This was the night we shared our first kiss, under the flashing lights of the fireworks illuminating the night sky that mirrored the fireworks erupting in my chest.

It was only a few months later that we decided to move in together. From the very beginning, everything with you had just felt right. When Steven had first introduced us, conversation was immediately flowing easily, skipping the superficial small-talk and cutting straight to the deeper questions that life and the universe held. I was captivated by your intellect and the way you expressed yourself, going from profound philosophical musings to sarcastic remarks without missing a beat.

With you I had felt like a queen. You were very attentive, always making a point to remember every detail about what I liked or disliked, knowing what I needed before I even said anything. Like how once we had settled in our cozy 2-bedroom apartment with a small balcony and a beautiful view of the sunrise from the kitchen window, it was only natural to you that we would adopt a cat, just because I had mentioned once that I was bummed I couldn’t get one because my own 3rd floor studio apartment was too small for an indoor cat. When we went to the shelter just to look, it was love at first sight. He came straight up to us, happily meowing and pushing his head into your hand as you squatted down to pet him. I thought I might dissolve into a puddle at the sight. The two most beautiful creatures I had ever laid eyes on right before me – one with long auburn hair held up by a claw clip, eyes shining in utter adoration, the other mostly grey with barely visible tabby markings on his back, a white moustache, and the biggest blue eyes, purring contentedly. We took him home the next day after getting all the essentials and named him Frodo.

Sometimes you almost felt too good to be true and I was honored you had chosen me out of all people to do life with. The most mundane things turned into cherishable memories just because I had you by my side. Even the one New Year’s Eve we spent at home just the two of us because you were sick, cuddling on the couch with Frodo and watching old movies, felt special.

On our last New Year’s together I didn’t know you would be ripped from me just shortly after, leaving your own dreams and aspirations unfulfilled, leaving me and your friends broken and empty.

On that final morning when I left for work, I didn’t know I would never again come back home to you greeting me with the lightest of kisses on the tip of my nose, like you always did, making me scrunch up my face with a smile. Frodo kept searching the apartment for you for weeks, meowing at the front door, like he would when you were gone on tour, but this time I couldn’t console him by assuring him you would be back soon. Your office chair became his favorite place to nap in.

Nicholas and I still hung out every now and then, even though I only knew him because of you, him being your long-time best friend. We didn’t see each other often these days with you gone, but when we did it was always like greeting an old friend, being connected by the grief and pain we felt and a mutual understanding for it that was always there, without having to say a word. Even two years later I still saw little glimpses of you in him, tiny mannerisms and phrases he had picked up from you and I was sure you had left the same imprint on me for Nicholas to see. He knew, New Year’s was still just as hard for me as it was for him, that day being the last time he had seen you, so when he had asked me to come over for a small party with his closest friends, a sense of gratitude had flooded me. I wouldn’t be alone, I would be with people who understand, celebrating life in all its beauty and all its darkness.

I had left Nicholas’ place before most of the others had woken up, after roughly cleaning away the worst of the mess in the living room quietly, carefully stepping over the sleeping bodies on mattrasses on the floor and giving the still sleepy host a quick but tight hug goodbye, putting all my appreciation for him in it and promising to text him when I got home okay. The night had been fun, but with my social battery drained and the weight of everything still heavy on my heart, I just wanted to get home, take a hot shower, and spend the day wrapped in a blanket, cuddling Frodo.

When I arrived at the door of my apartment building, the snowfall had subsided and even the sun tried breaking through the tiny patches of blue in the otherwise still overcast sky. As I fumbled for my keys in my deep coat pocket, a lone snowflake flurried its way under my umbrella and landed right on the tip of my nose. A warm shiver spread through my body and I closed my eyes, scrunching up my face.

“Hi Noah,” I breathed into the air with a soft smile on my lips.

[doahaesunshine]

Chapter 8

Chapter WC: 4393

Tags

Idk man

Tristen Notes: Still on me Hoshi to Soonyoung Agenda

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I always knew when my friends were in pain. They were too afraid to talk to me, But I knew. Art is what healed us, We spoke through it And not a single word was needed.

The past month has been… interesting.  

Every now and then you have been feeling these motes of emotion. You knew this was normal, everybody felt things , but this was different.

One evening, you enjoyed some time relaxing with your roommates. The energy in the room was high and the vibes had everything flowing comfortably. That night, Vernon was a little…off, to put it simply. Jihoon and Soonyoung were deep in conversation regarding spell components which you only listened to due to limited knowledge. Drowning out their voices, you let yourself focus on Vernon who had become quieter as the night progressed. 

Overall, you were feeling good, you were happy and able to relax, however as you allowed your mind to focus on Vernon, you seemed to step into a shallow pit of sadness. The feeling itself wasn’t very intense, if anything the sadness was more shrouded in confusion and loneliness. 

Vernon’s brows furrowed together, a prominent crease evident of the action on his forehead. The sadness has shifted into stress muddled with anxiety, leaving an unpleasant taste in your mouth. Part of you wished to take Vernon’s hand and let him know that everything would be alright, that whatever was plaguing his mind would work itself out and he didn’t need to worry so much. 

A deep sigh resonated from Vernon as he looked up, smiling softly as he met your gaze. The moment he smiled the negativity was gone, he was content and worry-free. There must have been a moment of realization for him and it allowed him to sort out his emotions.

Another time after that, Soonyoung had been working on a ritual. He had mentioned something about Geomancy and how the ritual cast would help strengthen his bond with nature. Each time he attempted to perform the spell, it kept fizzling out and continued to fail for three days straight. 

Emotions were high in the house, tension thick enough to cut with a knife because of how unhappy Soonyoung was with his spellwork. His fuse was immensely short and though he snapped at people, he apologized each time. The longer his frustration lasted, the more it bled into you. Your patience was stretched thin and being tested with each turn. An insignificant misunderstanding had caused you to explode and you made a harsh remark to Jihoon due to it. 

The insult didn’t only affect Jihoon, but Soonyoung as well. He was within earshot of your comment and rushed into the room, a fire burning behind his eyes. Not long after, the simple misunderstanding had escalated into a screaming match. The irritation that had been growing within you made you want to cry, not to mention the outright hostility that spat between you three. Everything that was being said started to hurt a bit too much and all you wanted was for the arguing to stop. 

“Okay! We’re getting nowhere! Soonyoung, stop being so fucking mad all the time! And Jihoon, I’m sorry! So can we please stop yelling at each other?!” You remembered shouting at them.

You let out a haggard breath, only to watch as Soonyoung’s and Jihoon’s expressions softened, the room no longer heavy with tension. For a moment you all stared at each other in confusion. Though awkward, you each managed to apologize and went separate ways for the rest of the day. By breakfast the next morning, it was as if nothing had happened. Soonyoung was boasting about his final attempt at the ritual being a success and Jihoon seemed to hold no grudge against you. 

One night, you and Vernon were having your rather frequent balcony hangout and chat times when he brought up his emotional state.

“I don’t know. One moment I was really anxious and then it just washed away.”

Your eyebrow raised at the comment. That was odd…

“Maybe I just saw you and the others and thought now’s not a time to be sad.”

You let your jaw drop the slightest bit…Huh?

“And Soonyoung mentioned something about his anger just evaporating after that fight.”

What the fuck?

“That’s weird. I’ve been feeling everything lately.” You spoke your worries to Vernon. “Every time you guys start freaking out, I freak out and just want it to stop- and I feel it stop. Does that make sense?”

Vernon thought for a moment. “You must be really good at reading people then.”

The most recent incident was when Seungkwan, a Ward Mage so you were told, came to visit. He had walked in, saying he was going to ‘hang with everyone ,’ but you only saw him with Vernon. You had been sitting in what the others called the living room, more an open room with two couches, playing with Ruby when an unfamiliar warmth nestled its way into your chest. 

It was fuzzy and felt like hundreds of butterflies fluttered in your stomach. It was a new sensation, one you never experienced while in the dorms. Peering out into the hallway, you saw Vernon and Seungkwan chattering. Quickly, you picked up Ruby and held him close to your chest, sneaking towards the archway. 

Ruby softly chirped as you held him like a teddy bear, shushing him as to not alert the other two men of your presence. Investigating further, you saw no danger in being caught with how the two were only focusing on each other. They spoke in hushed tones, neither’s eyes straying from one another.

“No way-” You whispered to no one in particular but Ruby perked up at your words.

Seungkwan snickered at a comment Vernon made and another warm wave of adoration washed over you. Internally you gagged, wishing for the feeling to stop.

“Nonie?” You heard Seungkwan say in a worried tone.

Peeking down the hallway, you watched as Vernon started to walk away from Seungkwan. The former turned around, confused as if he had no idea why he was moving. Ruby chirped once more and this time it was loud enough for the other two to hear. 

“Sage?” Vernon asked, still puzzled.

“Uh- I wasn’t eavesdropping! If I’m being honest I didn’t hear anything- you guys were talking really quietly.” You tried to stop your rambling but the words kept falling out. “I just felt really weird and warm and-”

Both Seungkwan and Vernon stared at you in visible confusion, a light blush dusting their cheeks.

Seungkwan’s face lit up in realization. “Oh!”

“Oh?” You and Vernon parroted.

“This is good!” Seungkwan sauntered toward you, pulling you back into the living room.

He sat down on one of the sofas, bringing you down with him. Ruby settled into your lap and watched as Seungkwan took one of your hands. 

“Sage, I think your magic is manifesting.”

Your eyes went wide. “Wha-”

Seungkwan smiled as he released your hand. “It appears that you are not only able to read other people's emotions, but feel and morph them as well.”

Every word Seungkwan spoke sounded like gibberish and you had a hard time swallowing the information.

“Oh wow~” Your tone was sarcastic. “I’m an empath~”

Seungkwan sputtered. “I-it’s a little more than that. You might not see it now, but that gift has potential.”

You scoffed. “Hell yeah, I’ll be a master negotiator. No one will be able to resist my charm.”

Vernon laughed at your words while Seungkwan tried to remain serious.

“You joke like this now, but who knows? Maybe one day you’ll enthrall the cosmos!” There was a lightheartedness to Seungkwan’s voice.

He was right and you knew it. While the gift of empathy may seem lame in the moment, there may come a day where it could prove itself useful. There wasn’t any worry found in your heart, it was simply reading emotions and changing them some.

Where was the danger in that?

Wonwoo roused from his slumber as Cosmo’s warm snout nudged his face. He swatted the panther’s face away as a plea to let him get more rest, but she wouldn't allow it. Cosmo quietly leaped off the bed and bit on the end of the bed's countless amount of blankets. With little effort, she pulled the covers, only leaving Wonwoo with the pillows under his head.  

A low grumble resonated from Cosmo as she paced in front of Wonwoo’s bed, occasionally brushing against his arm that had draped off of the mattress. The soft shuffling of sheets stopped the panther’s movement as she watched her Arcanist rise from bed. 

“Good morning, Cosmo.” He said as he lightly scratched under the cat’s chin. 

She purred in delight as Wonwoo continued to pet her, he gave her one last pat on her head before he stood. There was calm stillness in the darkness of Wonwoo’s bedroom as dawn had yet to break. The Archivist reached into his nightstand, retrieving a chunk of fluorite, violet and green in color. A dull glow emanated from the stone as he held it.

“Lux.”

The dull glow radiated outward, blanketing the room in a dim, iridescent light. He gently tossed the light source up and the gemstone remained in the air, hovering around Wonwoo’s head. 

First, a bath was in order and he would have to do something about his hair, no amount of spell work was able to tame his bedhead. After freshening up, he brushed Cosmo, making sure her coat was sleek and prim. He fed her his own leftovers from last night, Mingyu had grilled salmon for everyone which Wonwoo was thankful for. Sure he was a powerful mage, but when it came to cooking… it wasn’t his strong suit. He couldn’t even conjure a slice of bread without it tasting like ash.

Deciding his breakfast could wait, he began his rounds of Diamond Hall. The archives needed to be checked at least once a day to ensure all of its knowledge was still in place. Next, the sealing wards would have to be strengthened, the week was coming to a close which meant the magic of the wards were dwindling. He would have to employ either Seungkwan or Joshua to recast the spells to guarantee the archive’s safety.

Once Wonwoo concluded that everything was in order in Diamond Hall proper, he set out to visit the rest of the grounds. Dawn had come, casting a cool blue hue onto the early morning mist that shrouded the land. The sun itself hadn’t peeked over the mountains yet, but Wonwoo could tell just by the air that today was going to be colder than usual. A shiver ran down both his and Cosmo’s spine as they were met with the frigid air. 

“Pallium.” Wonwoo spoke through chattering teeth and a heavy cloak with a scarf apparated in his hands.

Quickly he pulled his arms through the sleeves before kneeling down to wrap the scarf around Cosmo who grumbled in content at the warm cloth. The two walked briskly towards the plaza and down one of the many paths. One area of the territory was always warmer than the rest and he wished to warm his limbs.

Dino had enchanted the land and atmosphere around his cottage so that it would remain a comfortable temperature. It was more for the health of his garden than himself. Wonwoo knew this and was the reason why he would frequent the Alchemist's residence. 

He knocked softly, using the iron knocker on the old oak door. There was a moment of silence as Wonwoo and Cosmo looked at each other in discomfort. Even with the enchantment, the cold was beginning to bleed through their clothing. After another minute, Dino answered the door, wearing his nightwear along with a soft robe.

“Archivist Jeon? Doing your rounds already?” Dino rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he held the door open for both Wonwoo and Cosmos.

The Arcanist and his familiar quickly entered the cottage, not wanting to stand outside for any longer. 

“Yes.” Wonwoo answered. “It’s still winter. An early start is a must if I wish to finish my work before nightfall.”

He nearly sprinted toward the hearth, Dino had always kept the embers low in order to keep central heating. Cosmo rushed to the foot of the hearth, nuzzling her form into the warm stone and sighing in comfort. 

Dino chuckled at the sight of his superior cozying up to the fire with his familiar. It wasn’t the first time the Archivist had rushed to his home in search of warmth.

“Archivist Jeon?” Dino asked sheepishly.

Wonwoo turned his attention toward the young Alchemist. “You don’t need to worry yourself with formalities at this hour, Dino.”

Dino nodded as he understood and he approached the hearth to feed the flame. The embers began to eat away at the added fire wood, growing in size. Cosmos brushed against Dino’s legs as a thank you.

A chirping squeal called out from the stairwell as Kelpy descended the steps. Cosmos quickly retreated behind Wonwoo’s chair but the little otter was faster. The panther trotted away to try and escape the small creature, but Kelpy was relentless in his pursuit as he clung to the larger beast. 

“Would you like some tea? It’s Minghao’s blend.” Dino offered.

Wonwoo smiled softly as he watched Cosmos and Kelpy play. “Yes, tea would be nice.”

It didn’t take long for the kettle to begin whistling, the noise causing Cosmo’s ears to tilt in every direction. Dino placed a teacup filled with pale golden herbal tea in front of Wonwoo, despite his physique he held the cup delicately. 

“Are there any elixirs you need?” Dino asked as he sat across from Wonwoo.

Wonwoo procured a small notebook from his cloak and scanned its pages. “A few mana elixirs would be wonderful, but I won’t be needing them for a while.”

“Are you working on something?” There was an innocent curiosity in Dino’s eyes.

Wonwoo shook his head once. “Nothing in particular. I prefer to have the potions nearby in case I am practicing heavy spell work.”

There was a moment of silence as the two Arcanists enjoyed their tea. The subtle sound of the hearth’s flames and the occasional howling wind filled the room. Cosmos continued to trot around the room as Kelpy chased her. Eventually the small otter was able to climb on top of Cosmos’s back and the large panther decided she had no more fight left in her. She curled herself into a ball at Wonwoo’s feet while Kelpy remained nuzzled in her fur.

“Oh!” Dino exclaimed as his eyes glimmered with excitement. “Did you hear the news?”

Wonwoo cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “News?”

A bright smile spread across Dino’s face, showcasing his perfect teeth. “Sage’s magic manifested! Seungkwan didn’t tell you?”

“No, he forgot to mention it.” Wonwoo’s mind filled itself with endless curiosity. “Do you know the details of their magic?”

“Seungkwan said it was associated with Empathy. Apparently Sage can feel other people’s emotions and they said they can influence them too!” Dino continued to smile as he spoke. “I’ve never heard of anything like that, have you?”

Wonwoo thought to himself for a moment. Empathy was a very rare gift and many Arcanists were fueled by envy to try and replicate the magic. It had no recognized school, there was no way to teach it and no formal spells attached to the subject. Empathy was completely natural, if an Arcanist really wanted the magic they had to be born with it.

“Empathy…” He pondered the term. “It’s an esoteric practice, not many Arcanists can say they have mastered it.”

Dino’s eyes widened. “Woah~ Does that mean Sage is some sort of big shot?”

“Big shot?”

“Oh- sorry. It’s a term Sage taught me.” Dino chuckled, self-conscious of his word choice.

The room was blanketed in silence once more as Wonwoo considered the possibilities of the new human who had joined their realm. This required research, a lot of it, and that made Wonwoo internally groan.

“I may need those elixirs sooner than expected…”

Grand Archivist or not, Wonwoo was still an Arcanist and he knew he was going to exhaust himself with research.

Learning to control your new found gift of Empathy was proving to be very difficult. No Arcanist specialized in Empathy or anything related to it within the Diamond Hall grounds and it frustrated you to no end.

Even studying the tome was fruitless. Any Empathy Arcanist, or Empaths, were long gone. They were either exiled, disappeared into the ether, or simply passed away. 

Sitting at your desk, nose deep into the tome, you let out an irritated groan. You methodically bashed your head into the aged paper, not enough to damage yourself or the pages, but enough to tame the annoyance growing within you. Needless to say, it didn’t work. You sat up and scanned a few more pages, only to find nothing, prompting you to drop your head onto the tome. 

You roared out another groan, springing from your chair and closed the book. Pacing about the room, you lost yourself in thought. Nothing was really making sense regarding your new found ability and it was slowly eating at your mind. 

A soft knock interrupted your brooding.

You sighed. “Come in!”

Gently the door to your room creaked open and Vernon poked his head in followed by his black wolf familiar, Shadow.

“Everything alright in here?”

You flopped onto your bed, breathing out a loud sigh as you laid on your stomach.

“This magic stuff is hard.” You whined but the comforter muffled most of your voice.

Shadow leapt onto the bed and sniffed at your face, his cold nose ticklish against your cheek.

“Thanks, bud.” You muttered as the wolf licked your cheek.

You felt a dip in the mattress as Vernon took a seat on the edge of the bed. Shadow laid down, leaning his weight against Vernon and keeping his muzzle rested next to your face.

“I’m sorry, Sage. I wish there was someone around that could help you.”

“Me too.” 

Vernon was quiet as he pet Shadow, the wolf closing its eyes as it relaxed into its Arcanist.

“Have you checked the archives?”

With your head still sunken into your blanket, you shook your head.

“Why not? There’s so much information there, I’m sure you’ll find something.”

Your ears burned with humiliation. “It’s intimidating.”

“What is?” Vernon’s face lit up in realization. “Don’t tell me Archivist Jeon scares you-”

“No!” You shot up from bed, answering a little too fast. “H-he doesn’t scare me, he’s just hard to read.”

Vernon snickered. “If the Grand Archivist was easy to read, I don’t think he would be very grand. ”

With a little convincing from Vernon and big puppy dog eyes from Shadow, you agreed to search the archives for information.

As promised, Vernon accompanied you to Diamond Hall. Shadow stayed close, nose to the ground and ears alert as he followed . If you were being honest with yourself, you haven’t ventured out to Diamond Hall since your initial meeting with Archivist Jeon. The thought of running into him didn’t scare you per se, but you wouldn’t know what to say or do if you were met with the Archivist. 

The archives were just as dimly lit and maze-like as you remembered. Vernon navigated through the halls with relative ease and led you to a small room that was filled with rows of tall bookshelves. Looking up, they appeared endless, each had its own ladder to help reach the highest shelves. 

You stopped and stared upward, skylights lit the room from above while floating globules of light danced along each row of bookcases. 

“It’s over here!” Vernon called out. 

He turned one last corner and you were met with a stone archway, letters engraved into the structure.

“Antique- scien- does that say science?” You attempted to pronounce the words but gave up quickly.

“Antiqua Scientia, it just means ancient knowledge, or at least that’s what Seungkwan told me.” Vernon said as he neared the opening of the archway, but was stopped hard as he ran into an invisible force. “Ouch- That’s weird.”

You tried to reach out toward the opening and were met with the same solid surface. The longer your hand lingered, the colder it felt.

“That wasn’t there before.” Vernon mentioned as he rubbed his forehead, a red bruise slowly growing below the skin.

“Are you two in search of something?” 

Both you and Vernon jumped as the low vocals of Archivist Jeon surprised you. 

“Oh- Archivist Jeon! I was just showing Sage the archives. We were hoping we’d find some knowledge about their magic here.”

The Archivist looked between you and Vernon, expression unreadable. Cosmos prowled out of the darkness, yellow eyes glaring at Shadow. 

“I see…” Archivist Jeon trailed off.

There was a twinge of something, uncertainty. It didn’t linger and it was gone within a second but you felt it nevertheless.

“I regret to inform you that some of the archive’s knowledge is missing. I’m currently working on a solution, but until then the Antiqua Scientia is warded off. I apologize for the inconvenience.” His words were sincere and he bowed with his apology.

“Do you have any idea where it went? It’s not like books can fly away. Wait- can they?” You knew that almost anything was possible and soaring parchment was in the realm of possibility.

“I am unsure.” Archivist Jeon addressed you directly. “Another Arcanist could have borrowed the tomes and merely forgot to return them.”

“ Tomes ?” Vernon emphasized the fact that the term was plural. “What’s missing?”

Archivist Jeon paused for a moment. “Tomes on Hemomancy, blood magic.”

You winced at the thought. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Not particularly.” Archivist Jeon said as he shook his head once. “Hemomancy isn’t illegal by any means. It is merely a tool, just like any other class of magic.”

“But it has the potential to do some messed up things…” Vernon muttered though it was still heard.

“That indeed Vernon, but all magic has the potential to be dangerous, you of all people should understand this.”

Vernon nodded his head and remained quiet. A strong sense of shame radiated off of him and you couldn’t help but be a bit curious as to what the Archivist meant. The room grew eerily silent, enough to make your heart pound with nerves.

“Okay… Uh- Vernon!” You exclaimed, trying to fill the awkward silence. “We should head back to the dorm. I’m sure Jihoon needs us for that crazy spell he’s working on.”

Vernon perked up. “What spell-”

“Uh- The one that creates a bunch of big fireworks! Let’s go!” You said as you locked arms with Vernon and rushed him out of the area.

Shadow sprinted ahead of you, the poor wolf must have been just as uncomfortable.

“This is exactly why I haven’t gone to the archives since I got here!” You raised your voice as you paced in the living room.

Vernon was lounging on the couch with Shadow, absentmindedly stroking the wolf’s fur. He had been unfocused and quiet the entire trip back to the dorm. Shadow rested his head on Vernon’s chest as the man scratched behind his ears. Jihoon sat on the floor with his spellbook, meticulously scribing formulas on the paper while Ruby nested in his lap.

Soonyoung on the other hand had his full attention on you as he and his orange tabby familiar, Tigris, tracked your movement about the living room.

“He’s so cryptic and creepy and- and-” You were at a loss for words. “What’s that term for someone who bothers you?”

“Um- Annoying? Irritating?” Soonyoung offered.

“No- it’s more than that.” 

“Aggravating?” Vernon handed out another term.

You shook your head dramatically.

“Obnoxious.” Jihoon stated with confidence.

“That’s it!” You proclaimed as you clapped your hands together, waking up Ruby and startling Shadow.

You winced. “Sorry boys, I’ll be quieter.”

“Hey!” A raspy voice called out in the hallway. “Are you guys hungry? I brought- Am I interrupting something?”

Mingyu appeared in the archway carrying multiple containers in his arms. Yucca, his fennec fox, was also carrying a small container in his mouth. Both Mingyu and his familiar froze as they made eye contact with you.

“Is this like a family meeting or-” 

Jihoon closed his spellbook. “I’m hungry! I don’t care what you brought, I just want food.”

“Okay, well, come to the dining room, you’re not eating on the floor.” Mingyu said as he walked down the hallway.

Dinner didn’t last long. Mingyu served steak with roasted vegetables that got devoured quickly. After your meal, you washed up and bid your roommates goodnight as you returned to your room. 

Before going to bed, you returned to your desk and opened the tome. There wasn’t a particular question you had in mind but flipping through the pages was relaxing. 

You stared out the window across from you, taking in the night sky. Vitidel, the main moon, was not present in the sky but Gi-Enos, the smaller, blue moon was in a waxing state. It still astounded you that there were two moons in this realm. They both were beautiful, Vitidel was always a shade of orange unless it was full, in which it became silvery in color. Gi-Enos was always a shade of blue no matter its size.

Clouds slowly obscured the light of Gi-Enos and rain began to patter lightly against your window. Closing the tome, you sighed and stood from your desk. You dove into the covers of your bed and bundled up as you fell asleep to the sound of rain.

The sun’s light bled through the curtains, shining directly onto your face. With a grumble you rose from bed and rubbed your eyes.

“ By the Stars you sleep a lot.”

A breathy, melodious voice rang clear in your ears.

Your eyes shot open in search of the voice. At the foot of your bed, sitting up right was a huge and striking snow leopard. Its crystal blue eyes stared straight into you.

“Your room bores me. How about we take a morning walk by the stream?”

“Oh what the fuck-”

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[niallerspayno]

Between the Lines - Chapter Two

Masterist

Series Masterlist

…

The hotel room is quiet, the distant hum of city life outside barely audible through the thick windows. You sit cross-legged on the plush bed, your notebook balanced on your lap and a pen twirling between your fingers. The day’s events play on a loop in your mind—the roar of the crowd, the flashing lights, the boys’ infectious energy.

You’ve written pages already, but your thoughts refuse to settle. Instead, you find yourself staring at the half-empty page in front of you, your pen hovering over the paper.

What’s it like to live at the center of so much noise? you scribble, then cross it out. It feels too heavy, too abstract. You let out a frustrated sigh and toss the pen onto the bed, leaning back against the headboard.

A soft knock at the door startles you, and you glance at the clock. It’s well past midnight. You pad over to the door and open it to find Niall standing there, dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, his hair a little messy.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says, holding up a bag of snacks like a peace offering.

You smile, stepping aside to let him in. “Join the club.”

Niall drops the bag on the bed and sits down, looking around the room. “Nice digs. Bit posh for us, though, don’t you think?”

You laugh, settling back onto the bed beside him. “I’m not complaining. But you’re right—definitely a step up from your mum’s couch.”

He grins at the memory. “Hey, that couch was top-tier comfort.”

You both fall into an easy rhythm, reminiscing about old times as you share a bag of crisps. The conversation ebbs and flows, and soon you’re lying side by side on the bed, the notebook forgotten at the foot.

Niall glances at you, his expression soft. “You’ve been writing nonstop, haven’t you?”

You nod, staring up at the ceiling. “I just… I want to get it right, you know? This whole world, this life you’ve built—it’s bigger than anything I’ve ever known. I don’t want to miss a single detail.”

“You won’t,” he says firmly. “You’ve always had a way with words.”

His voice carries a warmth that makes your chest ache. You turn your head to look at him, smiling. “Thanks, Ni. I needed that.”

He smiles back, but there’s something in his eyes—something you can’t quite place. Before you can think too much about it, he shifts closer, his arm brushing against yours.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asks, his voice quieter now.

You hesitate for a moment, but the answer comes easily. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Niall doesn’t move to the couch or grab extra blankets. Instead, he climbs under the covers beside you, as natural as breathing. This isn’t the first time the two of you have shared a bed—there were countless sleepovers growing up, late-night talks that stretched into early mornings. But there’s a comfort in it that feels different now, more grounding than ever.

You rest your head against his shoulder, your eyes growing heavy as his familiar warmth surrounds you. “Thanks for being here, Ni,” you murmur, your voice thick with exhaustion.

“Always,” he whispers, his arm draping over your waist in a way that feels protective and safe.

For you, it’s the reassurance you need to finally drift off, your mind no longer racing with unfinished thoughts. For Niall, it’s something else entirely—a moment he knows he’ll hold onto, even if it means nothing more to you than an old habit.

As your breathing evens out, Niall presses a light kiss to the top of your head, his heart full but aching all the same.

...

The sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains pulls you from sleep. You stretch lazily, momentarily disoriented by the unfamiliar room. Then you feel the steady warmth beside you and remember—Niall.

You turn your head to find him still asleep, one arm slung over his stomach, the other resting just inches away from yours. His face is peaceful, soft in the morning light, and for a moment, you simply watch him, a small smile tugging at your lips.

“Niall,” you whisper, gently nudging his arm.

He groans, his eyes fluttering open. “Mornin’,” he mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.

“Morning,” you reply, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “We’ve got a big day today. Soundcheck, remember?”

Niall stretches, groaning as his joints crack. “Already? Feels like we just landed.”

“You didn’t have to keep me company last night, you know,” you say, giving him a grateful smile.

He sits up, tousling his hair. “Didn’t have to. Wanted to.”

The look in his eyes is so earnest it makes your chest tighten, but you don’t let yourself dwell on it. Instead, you swing your legs out of bed and grab your notebook from the nightstand.

“Let’s get moving. I need to capture every bit of chaos this band throws at me today,” you say with a grin.

Niall laughs, following your lead. “You won’t be disappointed.”

...

After breakfast, the group piles into the van heading to the venue. You sit sandwiched between Niall and Louis, your notebook open as you jot down the energy buzzing around you.

Louis peers over your shoulder, his breath warm against your ear. “What’s the verdict so far? Best boy band ever, or just the funniest?”

You smirk, tapping your pen against the page. “Still deciding.”

“Better make up your mind, love,” he teases, leaning back in his seat. “But don’t forget to mention my dance moves. Showstoppers, they are.”

“You? Dancing?” Niall scoffs, rolling his eyes. “That’s a stretch, even for fiction.”

Louis gasps, clutching his chest in mock offense. “Really, Niall? I expected more loyalty from you.”

The back-and-forth banter has you grinning, your pen flying across the page to capture every witty quip and exaggerated gesture. You can’t help but notice the way Louis leans into your space, his charm effortlessly drawing you in, while Niall’s presence beside you remains steady and grounding.

...

The venue is colossal, the kind of place you’ve only ever seen on TV. The sheer size of it sends a shiver of awe down your spine as you step inside. Your eyes sweep over the rows of empty seats stretching endlessly into the shadows, the towering stage already illuminated by an array of lights that flicker and dance as technicians adjust them. The air hums with energy, an electric anticipation that clings to every surface.

Crew members bustle around like cogs in a well-oiled machine, shouting instructions, hoisting equipment, and darting across the stage with purpose. It’s organized chaos, and you can’t help but feel like a small cog dropped into this massive engine.

Your steps falter as you take it all in, clutching your notebook tightly against your chest. This is their reality—something the boys must see nearly every day. To you, it feels like stepping onto a movie set. It’s larger than life, and for a moment, you feel an odd pang of detachment, like you’re intruding on a world that’s not yours.

The boys, on the other hand, move with the ease of people who belong. Liam’s already deep in conversation with someone near the soundboard, Zayn hangs back watching the crew work, and Harry grins as he saunters toward the stage, cracking a joke to a passing tech.

“Overwhelmed?”

The familiar voice pulls you out of your thoughts. Niall’s beside you, his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets, his expression soft and knowing.

“A little,” you admit, exhaling as you glance back toward the stage. “It’s just… a lot.”

He smiles, nudging you gently with his elbow. “It is. But you’ll get used to it.” His gaze follows yours toward the stage, and for a moment, you both stand in companionable silence.

“Come on,” he says, breaking the quiet and gesturing toward the stage. “You can sit with me during soundcheck. Best seat in the house.”

He starts to guide you toward a cluster of seats near the front, but before you can settle in, a familiar voice cuts through the air.

“Actually,” Louis calls out, sauntering over with his trademark grin, “I was going to show her the ropes. You know, give her a proper introduction to how things work.”

Niall halts, his expression shifting ever so slightly. His jaw tightens, and his grip on your arm loosens. “She’s good, mate. She’s with me.”

Louis raises an eyebrow, his grin only widening as if he’s enjoying every bit of the exchange. “Relax, Horan. Just trying to be helpful.”

The tension between them is subtle but palpable, an unspoken standoff playing out in the glint of Louis’s eyes and the set of Niall’s jaw. It’s almost enough to make you uncomfortable—almost.

Before the moment can stretch too far, you step in, forcing a smile. “I’m fine with either of you showing me around. Just point me in the direction of the chaos.”

Louis chuckles, his grin transforming into something warmer as he slings an arm around your shoulders. “See? She gets it.”

Niall mutters something under his breath that you don’t quite catch, but he doesn’t push the matter. Instead, he trails behind as Louis steers you toward the stage, his protective presence lingering even as Louis takes over.

“So,” Louis says, his voice animated as he gestures toward the towering speakers and rows of equipment cases, “this is where the magic happens. Well, most of it. The rest is just us being devastatingly good-looking.”

You laugh, the earlier tension melting away as you fall into his rhythm. “Devastatingly good-looking? I’ll have to see the reviews before I write that down.”

Louis gasps in mock offense. “Are you doubting my charm? You wound me, love.”

You shake your head, biting back a grin as you glance back toward Niall. He’s a step behind, watching quietly, his eyes flickering between you and Louis. There’s something guarded in his expression, something that makes your chest tighten.

“Don’t mind Niall,” Louis whispers conspiratorially, leaning in close. “He gets a bit territorial, doesn’t he?”

You glance at him, startled, but he’s already pulling away, his grin as mischievous as ever.

“Come on, let’s get you a closer look at the chaos,” he says, gesturing grandly toward the stage.

Niall catches up then, his hand brushing yours as he falls into step beside you. He doesn’t say anything, but the quiet tension between him and Louis lingers, an undercurrent you can’t quite ignore.

As the three of you approach the stage, you feel caught in the pull of something you can’t fully name—Louis’s playful energy on one side, Niall’s steady warmth on the other. Both of them seem to orbit around you in their own ways, and it’s both thrilling and unsettling.

For now, though, you push the thoughts aside, focusing instead on the dazzling world unfolding before you. This is what you came here for—to capture the story, no matter where it takes you.

...

After soundcheck, the boys scatter to their dressing rooms, and you take the opportunity to grab your notebook. You’ve spent most of your time so far with Niall and Louis, but there’s an entire band to get to know.

You find Zayn in a quieter corner of the venue, tucked away on a worn leather couch, his sketchpad balanced on his knees. His head is bent in concentration, the pencil in his hand moving with a practiced ease. It’s the first time you’ve really seen him on his own; he tends to hover in the background, quiet but always observant.

Taking a breath, you approach him, your notebook clutched tightly. “Hey, Zayn.”

He looks up, blinking as if pulling himself out of a daydream. When his eyes meet yours, there’s a brief flicker of surprise before he offers a small smile. “Hey. What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you’d mind if I interviewed you for the book? Just a quick chat about what it’s like being part of this madness.”

He hesitates, his pencil pausing mid-stroke. “Uh, yeah, sure. I mean… if you’re okay with boring answers.”

You laugh, taking a seat on the couch beside him. “I’m sure you’re not as boring as you think. Besides, you’ve got a front-row seat to one of the wildest stories ever told.”

That earns a soft chuckle from him, and he sets his sketchpad aside. “Alright. Fire away.”

Flipping to a fresh page in your notebook, you settle in. “Okay, let’s start simple. What’s been the biggest surprise about all of this—being in the band, touring, the fans?”

He leans back, his gaze drifting upward as he considers the question. “Honestly? How fast it all happened. One minute, I’m this kid auditioning for The X Factor because my mum thought I should, and the next, I’m in a band with four strangers. Then… boom. World tours, screaming fans, no privacy.”

His words are measured, thoughtful, and you can hear the weight behind them. “It must’ve been overwhelming.”

“Still is, sometimes,” he admits, his voice quieter now. “Don’t get me wrong—it’s incredible. But it’s a lot. I think we all have moments where we’re like, ‘Is this really our life?’”

You nod, jotting down notes. “Do you ever miss how things were before?”

“All the time.” His answer is immediate, and there’s a raw honesty in his tone that makes you pause. “But at the same time, I know this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You can’t really go back, you know? You just… move forward.”

The conversation flows easily after that, Zayn gradually relaxing as you ask him more about life in the band, his creative outlets, and how he stays grounded amidst the chaos. He opens up about his love for art, how sketching helps him clear his head, and the way music has always been his escape.

“You should draw something for the book,” you suggest at one point. “It could be cool to have something visual alongside all the stories.”

He tilts his head, considering it. “Maybe. I’d have to think about it.”

“Think about it,” you echo, smiling. “No pressure.”

As the conversation winds down, you close your notebook and glance at him. “Thanks for doing this, Zayn. I know it’s not easy to talk about all of this sometimes.”

He shrugs, but there’s a warmth in his expression now. “It’s not so bad. You’re good at asking the right questions.”

Standing, you tuck your notebook under your arm. “I’ll take that as a compliment. And if you ever want to talk more—or need a break from the chaos—let me know.”

“Will do,” he says, picking up his sketchpad again. “See you around.”

As you walk away, you feel a quiet sense of accomplishment. Getting Zayn to open up feels like a small victory, a reminder that beneath the fame and chaos, these boys are just people, each with their own stories to tell. And you’re here to capture it all.

...

Soundcheck winds down with the boys finishing their final run-throughs, the crew making adjustments to lights and sound as they wrap up. The venue feels quieter now, the earlier chaos giving way to a calm-before-the-storm kind of energy.

"Alright, lads," Paul’s voice booms as he walks toward the stage. "You’ve got a few hours to rest before we need you back here. Don’t go wandering off too far.”

The boys groan in unison but start to gather their things. You’re hanging back, scribbling last-minute observations in your notebook, when Niall appears at your side.

“Fancy heading back to the hotel for a bit?” he asks, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “Could use a break from all this.”

“Yeah, I could use some quiet,” you reply, glancing at the stage one last time before following him.

As the group piles into the van waiting outside, the chatter is light but filled with anticipation for the night ahead. Niall sits beside you, his leg pressed against yours in the cramped space, while Louis occupies the seat on your other side, his energy still buzzing despite the long day.

“Big night ahead,” Louis says, nudging your arm. “First time seeing us perform live. You ready?”

“I think so,” you say, laughing. “Though I’m starting to feel like I should’ve brought earplugs.”

“Good call,” Zayn says from across the van, smirking. “The fans get loud.”

“They’ll love you,” Harry adds with a grin. “Bet they’ve already spotted you in the crowd and decided you’re part of the gang.”

“Or the queen of it,” Louis quips, leaning closer. “Careful—they’ll be writing fanfics about you in no time.”

Niall gives him a playful shove. “Alright, mate, leave her alone.”

Louis raises his hands in mock surrender, his grin unrepentant. “Just saying.”

The hotel is only a short drive away, and before long, you’re stepping into the lobby, where the boys are greeted with knowing smiles from the staff. It’s clear they’ve stayed here before, the ease with which they move through the space a sharp contrast to your own slightly overwhelmed steps.

Back in your room, you drop onto the bed with a sigh, your notebook landing beside you. The adrenaline from the day is wearing off, replaced by a sluggish sort of exhaustion. Still, your mind buzzes with everything you’ve seen, every interaction you’ve had.

You try to rest, but after a few moments of staring at the ceiling, you give up and grab your notebook again. There’s too much to process, too much to write about before the memories blur.

...

Across the hall, Louis knocks on Niall’s door, leaning casually against the frame when it opens. Niall stands there in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair slightly disheveled from a failed attempt at a nap.

“Hey,” Louis greets, his grin lazy but his gaze sharp. “Just thought I’d check in on our lovely new travel companion. She settling in alright?”

“She’s fine,” Niall replies, leaning against the doorframe with crossed arms. His tone is even, but his body language is guarded.

“Good,” Louis says, stepping into the room uninvited and glancing around as if he owns the place. “Wouldn’t want her feeling overwhelmed. That’s our job, yeah?”

“Louis.” Niall’s voice carries a warning now, but Louis either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

“What?” Louis says, his grin widening as he sits on the edge of the unmade bed. “She’s fun. Talented. And, you know… cute.”

Niall straightens, his arms dropping to his sides as his expression darkens. “She’s not some fan, mate. She’s not here for your games.”

Louis raises his hands in mock surrender, though the smirk never leaves his face. “Relax, Horan. I’m just being friendly.”

“Friendly with you usually means trouble,” Niall shoots back, stepping closer. His voice drops lower, more serious. “Just stay out of her way, alright? She doesn’t need your chaos messing things up.”

Louis tilts his head, as if considering the statement. But instead of backing down, his smirk deepens into something more mischievous. “Why, Nialler? Afraid I might charm her away from you?”

Niall’s jaw tightens, his nostrils flaring slightly. “I’m serious, Louis. Don’t mess with her.”

“Interesting,” Louis says, drawing the word out like he’s savoring it. He stands, stepping closer until he’s toe-to-toe with Niall. His gaze is light, teasing, but there’s a flicker of something challenging behind it. “Didn’t know you cared so much. Or is there something more you’re not telling me?”

“Just leave her alone,” Niall says firmly, refusing to rise to the bait.

Louis studies him for a moment longer, his grin never faltering. “Alright, mate. If it means that much to you…”

But the glint in his eyes tells a different story, and as Louis saunters back toward the door, he pauses to glance over his shoulder. “You know, Niall, sometimes a little chaos is exactly what someone needs.”

And with that, he’s gone, leaving Niall standing in the middle of the room, his fists clenched at his sides and a sinking feeling in his gut. He knows Louis too well to believe he’s really going to back off. If anything, he’s just issued a challenge—and Louis never could resist one of those.

…

Next chapter

[dozing-marshmallow]

A BURNING STAR- Chris McLean x Reader

The beginning

Success was a funny thing. Are people born to it or do they make it themselves? Do they burn from the pressure to blow up when least expected or are they sealed under the skin, like of a woman, who walks down the pavement like the normal?

Lightning bolt earrings and pink silk scarf, it had been another wonderful day for (Y/N) at the studio. Though it did cut into some of her studying time as a nineteen year old, nothing threaded life in her veins faster than tying her salmon shoelaces to head out for a morning of singing. Summer was especially motivating, every step surfing like a symphony, where she’d hoped that year she’d find a bigger reason to separate her curtains further.

Passing by the usual shops and crossing the correct roads, a ringing noise builds its way into (Y/N)’s ears, which was not part of everyday. She pauses, not sensing pain, merely strangeness. A make belief she first had was that it came from her place of work, however discovered it to be way up ahead. Naturally, she skipped towards it and clocked what it was- a guitar and...singing. Where was it coming from though? The by passers around her weren’t fazed at all, was she the only one that could hear it? Distant, but longing...

It wouldn’t hurt to get a closer listen, right? Aw what the heck, she had nothing better to do anyway.

So she went, crossing the unusual roads and passing by uncertain shops, finding herself in an alley where the ringing had diverted absolutely into a higher volume of outside music and synchronised voices. She was very close. One more turn and she would practically find the source. 

But she didn’t want that. It sounds like...a boy band, in the middle of a song. Their young baritones enhanced melodiously by a bass and a hitting drum set. Bar lines meant for a rhythmic dream girl, she’d feel not only flustered, but guilty if they found a stranger getting nosey and messed up their performance because of it. Oh, the awkwardness.

Hence why, she peered around the grimy wall as discreetly as she could, and what does she know, it’s exactly as she thought.

I stand against the wall, waiting for you to ask me to dance, my heart is in your hands!

It was quite a thing to come across on a typical day of travelling home. There were four of them, one that proved her attention to bass and another proving the presence of a set of drums true, with the other two being the core singers. Whether it was an instrument, a microphone or a drumstick they held in their hand, all of them had stage presence in a place that lacked quite technically that, with a choreography that flowed very smoothly with the tempo. Even the sun was amazed that the quartet was pulling off a song in a dodgy passageway where anything of nature could happen, through its selected support to fall its gold upon them, ethereal, magical. And while the judgement of the golden yolk that hanged above them was justified, (Y/N) couldn’t help but center her attention around one of the singers, the one with black hair and a clean face...only because he...was also wearing something plaid, a flannel, red too, alike her dress, her nice cozy dress. As he finishes his note, he brings his view down from the sky and presumably reopens his eyes where he freestyles around for this segment, the very man she had been gazing at catches sight of her hem that naturally pulls him into making eye contact with her. 

Oh, uh...! Dang it! Just what I...! Before the warmth of exposure took full effect, she snapped the trance and quickly walked off as though she hadn’t come the particular way to feed her curiosity. She didn’t remember the route being this long...

That vaporised to the least of her concerns when a moving silhouette of a tower dashed towards her from the side. Needless to say, when the light spontaneously disappeared, her mind flashed the worst possible thing to sight, may have jumped or ga-

“My bad,” The thing had spoken.

Huh? She turned around and visibly gasped:

It was that singer?,“Didn’t mean to scare ya, my fault for not making myself known earlier.” He advanced, ironically owning a speaking voice shyer than his consuming shadow sprawling on the ground.

(Y/N) remains silent to take in his figure, now that she was watching from a closer distance. His messy black hair mahogany in the sunlight, ripped grey jeans that were a bit too big for his ankles, right arm used to bear a transducer behind his head, stumbling in continuation,“I...noticed you watching our performance...and I wanted to hear what you thought about it. (This is also my first time meeting a fan!). Sorry, if this was sudden.” The second to last part was mainly for himself, but she’s glad it was external.

Makes it easier to clear up the misunderstanding,“Oh, no... I’m the one that should be sorry. I could have distracted you. I...was just curious.” She had never been more thankful for sunshine,”The music was really nice, so I wanted to check out where it was coming from. I didn’t mean to look for that long.”

But the male wasn’t insulted,”Ohh, I know where you’re coming from. Don’t worry, I wasn’t distracted,” He stops to look at her,“...I know it’s not conventional, having a guy talk to you in a place like this, but if you don’t have anything else to do... Want to talk for a little bit?”

Though he was well built and looked marginally older than her, (Y/N) didn’t have any alarms swirling in her stomach; the sun did flow well on his red, a shade of rose rather than blood.

“Uh...” she hastily looks to the side, not realising that alternative shortcut from whence he came upon her first arrival,“Sure!” 

“Really? Alright then!” He was acceptive of both choices?,“And don’t worry about the others coming in on us, they all go home the other way.”

“G-Gotcha!” Isn’t it wonderful that he who she laid eyes on was he who came for her?

Nothing like a sunny afternoon with a singing stranger surrounded by brick walls dried with graffiti.

“So, do you always come here for rehearsals?” She asked, sitting up next to him on the recycling bin, closing the lid beforehand.

“Nah. We kinda did just start, so we haven’t done this kind of practice in a public setting like this before. Normally, we’d go to one of our garages.” His silver ear piercing aligned similarly to his teeth.

“Makes sense. What’s the name of this band?” 

“We’re Fametown!” His response great with energy.

“Okay Fametown. What kind of genre do you make? Love songs?” She teasingly presumed.

His hand immediately slaps onto the side of his neck, sheepishly confirming it. Aw, who knew! “It may sound cliche, but with the talent of all the other guys in the band, we’ll get a record deal sooner or later!”

That’s the spirit of a fellow singer she likes to hear! The more belief you have in yourself, the sooner you’ll reach your goal!... Albeit, to (Y/N)’s disappointment, the other supposed singer in the alley didn’t reciprocate her enthusiasm,“Actually about that...” he begins, shifting closer to her in means to whisper as though he wanted nobody else to hear,”Don’t tell my other bandmates about this...but I’m actually not all that big about singing.”

“Really?” She blinks. With a voice like that, it was hard to believe he lacked passion.

He nods,”It sounds deceiving, but... I just... I really want to be famous. And singing to me is one way where I can be guaranteed fame, even if, I’m not sure if it’s what I like.”

I see. She had to hold in her sigh. Just when she thought she found an opportunity to connect and befriend another musically inclined soul. At least he was honest with himself,“Then...maybe, if it’s not what you like, you should quit. You can get famous by doing anything nowadays, especially if you love it.”

“Quit?” He repeated, as though it was a bleak suggestion. Man, he wasn’t giving (Y/N) a lot to work with,”But... I want to give it more time to see if it’ll grow onto me. If not, then I totally will.”

What does this man like otherwise?

He looks away with sparkles in his dark eyes,“I’d love to get into acting again...maybe even start my own show!”

“You acted before?” She smiles, interested. Had she accidentally stumbled upon a hidden celebrity?

With that asked, he blew up with excitement,“Uh huh!” He rapidly nods at the same speed as his enjoyment in the conversation,”You know that talking cats movie from about a year ago? I played a huge role in that one!” Almost as though it wasn’t often.

Maybe (Y/N) knew why after hearing his description,“Really?” He wasn’t talking about that movie, was he-

“Yeah, one of many! You know CATostrophes?”

...Yep. He was talking about that movie. The one everyone kept making fun of back in tenth grade... She decided to keep that part to herself.

“Ohhhh! It was you who made that! Wow!” Her false smile slowly returning sincere. Sure, it was terrible- so terrible, it’s funny,“Who knew I’d get to meet the...star of that movie?” Hidden was a lot more appropriate.

“And who knew I’d get to meet such a beauty after my rehearsal?“ He winked, causing her to playfully roll her eyes,“I plan on getting into another, maybe a sports movie!”

“A sports movie?” She repeated in puzzlement, not realising how much correlation there was,”I guess boys like their sports... Are you in any clubs?”

“Back when I was in high school. Are you?” He rapidly redirects the question as though it was a topic he wanted to avoid.

“Just coaching for singing.” She hummed dully. It was only fair.

“Oh, right... How long you been singing for?”

For some reason, she wasn’t expecting him to ask an organic question, so it was relieving that the instinct was false,“Since I was younger, like thirteen.”

“Oh wow... Yeah, you for sure are more passionate than I am...” he sways his feet back and forth,“Did you need to pay for coaching?”

What kind of question is that? Still, she answered calmly,“Normally, you’d need to pay about two hundred dollars monthly, but because my high school provided it as an option, it was free until I left, where my teacher was kind enough to reduce it to fifty dollars.”

“Impressive...” he commented, genuinely intrigued.

How come? Didn’t he go to at least one voice coaching lesson before joining this band?

He was reeled from his admiration,“Not really... Unless bandmates count.”

“Mm,” She’d give the benefit of the doubt,“Relying on the feedback of your bandmates isn’t necessarily advisable for constructive criticism. But you know what, there are lots of singers from around the world that are self taught, like uh...Elvis Presley.”

“Elvis Presley is a generous comparison...” he added, in a way that spoke incomplete attention, not long after he checks his watch,“I better get going now.” he leaps off the bin,“Does the lady want to exchange landline numbers? No pressure, I enjoyed the conversation.”

“Sure! You seem like a pretty good guuuy...”  she dragged out as though trying to recall what his name was. When connected the dots, the man face palms.

“Oh, how forgetful am I! I’m Chris. Chris McLean.”

Has a nice ring to it,“(Y/N) (L/N),” she smiled.

“(Y/N) (L/N)?!” He suddenly jumped back in disbelief,“You’re...that singer (Y/N) (L/N)?”

“Surprised?” She didn’t think it was a big deal.

“O-Of course... I lis- Would it really be okay to get your number...?” Aww!

She isn’t that light!,“Why wouldn’t it!” She fishes out a paper from her handbag to give him, seeming that the contact of it cured him of his shock.

Now over the plot twist, he quickly scans over it and grins at her as a result,“You...just had it on your person?”

She vertically waves her hand,“Oh please! I always carry my landline number on me in case I happen to find a groovy man with a voice as hot as the sun! Nah, I wrote it beforehand.”

“Soooo you were planning on giving it to me way before I asked?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Don’t get the wrong idea.” She firmly averred.

He gives a light chuckle, then extracted a receipt and a pen from his interior pocket. He looks around for a surface to write it on and ended up leaning over the bin. Two steps ahead in memory.

“Have you given your landline number to a girl before, by any chance?” She smirked as he scribbled it down. From this angle, his attire suited the bricks perfectly.

“Sure I have! To chicks from high school, chicks from the streets...” Straightening his posture, he gives the crimped complete paper to her in exchange,”Call me soon alright?”

“Desperate?” Her smirk not fading. Did he say that to all the others?

“No! Not at all. Just...let me know when you get back home.”

“Sure will.” She made sure he watched her slip it into her purse.

And she did and had herself, twirling the wire and kicking feet in the air, marking meet ups with him on her neglected calendar and lyrics in their flesh. Her house had never felt so empty while her hand was the furthest thing from that. She never would’ve guessed that this relationship she composed with a dreaming guy from an alley would get serious, but despite all these dates and growing intimacy, she never let the case of being another simple chick from the street in his eyes fade from her mind. But their frequent visits and very little mention of other girl names, soon morphed into a question of What made her so special?

“Double doubles are my favourite!” The musician exclaimed, having a jolly sip. Here, they were much more civilised, with napkins on their laps and paying lunch. (Y/N) wasn’t wearing a dress this time around, rather baggy jeans, similar to what Chris had on.

“Meh, soy lattes are way better.” The former one claimed with less spirit, drinking from said preference while sitting in front of her.

“So! You left your band?” She put out in reminder, twirling her fork around her spaghetti.

“Yep, and it was for the best. You should’ve seen how ticked off they were! I mean, I gave it my best shot and that’s how they react? Unbelievable!” He scoffed, gesticulating with knife in hand,“Whatever, I don’t care about them anymore. I’ll find new people, way more awesome than them. And that starts off with a new dream.”

By this time, he had hair prickling all over the lower half of his face and took sensible measures with the hair on his head; gel was never let out of his cabinets again.

“Yeah! Like the badminton movie you landed! And you got the lead role? Doooope!”

“I hope you can be the first one to see it!” He points excitedly.

“Aw, I absolutely will!” Red coloured her cheeks,“You should come around soon you know.”

“Heck yeah I will!” He chimed, slipping a forkful of food into his mouth,”After I’m done filming, there’ll be plenty of time for us to hang out... I still can’t believe I’m talking to someone as cool as you.”

“Aw, give yourself more credit, Chris! You were the one that took the chance to start talking to me.” Her eyes gleamed in its beautiful (E/C),“Could we go to the ice cream palor first? It’ll be so fun!”

“Who am I to reject that? Unless I don’t feel like it that day.”

Only makes sense! It’s his movie they’ll be celebrating after all. He lets her know she has a coffee stain on the corner of her lip, and she’s warm, not from humiliation, but from the enrapture. The pink, purple aura of this diner really did fit with what was starting to sweeten the air- their desserts, of course!

Not only that, (Y/N) would realise, finding herself cooing, a year or so later, to the same ambitious man, tugging onto his collars one day,“You’re as handsome as ever... That stubble looks great on you.”

“What doesn’t!” He twitted, before kissing the tip of her nose.

Chris was now investing time in his show, alongside the adoption of a signature necklace tied around his flawless neck- meanwhile, (Y/N) had finished college and debated on whether university had her best interest or not; she was already doing well with music, and whatever money she would have had was mostly reserved for the apartment they rented together anyhow. Call it a wild decision, to move in with a guy she met in an alley and hasn’t known him for the same amount of time it takes one to be a sixth grader to graduating as a senior, but who cares! It was bound to happen, finding their primary strength relying on that neither of them had ever met one like the other before. It was only a matter of time before her honeysuckle chorus was made real.

“Alright!” He cleared his throat, finger pointing upwards,”Today marks the day of the pilot episode of my cooking show, Keep it Plain with Chris McLean!” 

“What dish did you make for it?” She had faith it would be mind blowing, something she hadn’t heard bef-

“White rice!”

“Just that?” ...She didn’t think he meant it literally.

“Before you go all judge-y, hear me out!” Now that he stopped singing, his voice was at liberty all the more,“I have to start off basic and simple, then I can make my way towards more complicated dishes, like lasagna and poutine!”

She’s a bit doubtful of his way of thinking, but didn’t want it to get in the way of her ability to support him,”Alright! Just...please be careful. I did have to pull strings with the company to make this possible, so if this fails, it also looks bad on me.”

“You worry too much, baby! Just leave it to me, I know what I’m doing!”

...

“A show about watching paint dry would be more entertaining than this.”

“Worst twenty minutes of my life!”

“Did he already run out of ideas to make WHITE RICE?”

“Desperation at its finest.”

“If that’s what he chose to make for the first episode, I don’t even want to know what he’ll make next. Hot water? Peeled potatoes?”

“It was okay, nothing too particularly exciting, but something my grandpa liked.”

“Even my mom with dementia knows how to cook better rice than this weirdo.” 

“I just know someone got food poisoning listening to this.”

“He didn’t even mention seasoning... Yeah, I wouldn’t ever let this guy come into my kitchen, eh?”

“You know the show is doomed when your sister that wants to be a chef turns the tv off whenever this comes on.”

“Sorry man, but this really wasn’t a good way to introduce your show.”

“Honestly, reading all of these reviews on one hand makes me relieved that I’m not the only one who thought this show was embarrassing for McLean, but on the other hand, I feel bad for him.”

“He’d be better off as a commentator because what was this recipe?”

“Just stay an actor, no one wants to see you cook.”

“Man makes dish everyone and their babies know how to make! Yay!”

It hadn’t even been a month since his first episode aired. Shame graced on one harder than a swinging bat. Switching her sight back and forth between the letter and Chris’ reaction, (Y/N) saw the love he had for his show burn. The paper gradually twitched in his hands as more time passed where they should’ve by now reached the final nail in the coffin on how the show would permanently be removed from the network’s listing. He had never seemed so close to tears.

People can be so horrible.

“Chris...don’t listen-“

“It’s fine.” He bitterly interrupts, scrunching the acidic letter up into a sphere,”They just don’t know true art. None of them do. An artist is never understood in their era.”

“Hey... You’re not okay. Let’s go outside, to the park, okay? I’ll grab a few things we’ll need.”

“Whatever!” Without warning, he yelled, hurling the ball of humiliation to the floor with (Y/N) watching from a frightened frame,”It’s just like how people reacted to my first film! Nothing was ever good enough! I am so done with them! What in the name of television standards do they want? I’ve tried everything! Everything!” He was dangerously close to ripping his hair out.

Lord! She didn’t expect him to suddenly lash out! She needed a minute to recollect her senses. 

Once regained, (Y/N) carefully rubbed his back,“That’s why, we’re going to take a break from people.”

A sulking man and a thoughtful woman. For a sunshine day like this, (Y/N) was surprised there wasn’t a lot of families outside especially from the area they lived in. Though, it was probably because it was a working weekday, so she didn’t really pay mind to how empty it was, aside from the ordinary dog walkers.

“You think I’m some sort of kid?” Chris murmured, trailing behind.

That got her attention,“What makes you say that?” he gestured gloomily behind her- the unused climbing frame, set of swings and roundabout that had lived there longer than they had was all the answer she needed,”Huh? You think I chose this park so you can go on the monkey swings? I mean, we can if you want to. Though we’ll have to do it before we eat.” She wiggles her finger,”Can’t have you feeling sick!”

“I’m good... Let’s just find a spot already.” He proposed morose, hands still stuffed in his pockets, obvious that the sunshine hadn’t brightened his mood yet.

“Hm... How about you pick it, dear?”

He seemed taken aback, but soon accepted the idea by taking a hand out to pinpoint one, near a hill, absent of sheltering trees. Not a typical spot, you could remark, but it was the spot he chose in the land of countless spaces and that was enough for her to beam and approach while watching him slowly come out from under the raincloud. 

She set the blanket down and followed him to the ground.

“How did you have all this ready?” He asks, watching her take out a different variety from her basket to the blanket.

“I went shopping yesterday. I was hoping this could’ve been a celebration of your new show... But you know what, let’s still make that happen, while add it on as a way to cheer you up.” She takes out a bottle filled with red liquid,”I noticed you’ve been drinking tomato juice a lot more recently. So I made special note to buy that. Don’t drink anything right from the bottle, I brought cups.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)...” he lets out, watching his finger stroke the body of the bottle,”Y’know, I feel like I barely pay attention to you anymore.”

“Don’t feel that way.” She didn’t want him to be in an even worse state,“Sure, it’s...true. But you’re not doing it on purpose. You had a script to memorise, and you were the host.”

“I know that...but seeing how people are reacting to it, maybe I’m not fit to be on TV, so I feel like I wasted time even bothering when I coulda just been with you.”

A frown collapsed on her lips,“If you really don’t feel like hosting again because you don’t think it’s what you’re made for, I’m in full support of that, not because of a few negative comments. You’ll get those no matter what you do, in any business. Don’t let other people decide what you can and can’t do.”

“But that’s the thing, I need other people’s opinions, don’t I, (Y/N)?” Whether he intended it or not, his interpretation addressed like ice,”I need people to watch me, to have their eyes on me, to give me the worthy name. I need people to praise my work, to praise me. I need the world to go to the stars.”

“Oh Chris...” she responds, rocking her head to him. Besides from occasional pauses of tomato juice, Chris hadn’t touched any of the food,”You can’t make everyone happy. And maybe there were more people that liked your show than you think, but the radio station only decided to include the negative parts in the letter. Besides, you did achieve some of that reputation, didn’t you? Like from your badminton movie you did?”

“A big mediocrity that could’ve gone a lot better...” he was quick to counteract,“The storyline, the setting, the other themes... No wonder why you don’t hear people begging for a sequel like Child’s Play…” he grouches, relying the weight of his ponderous face on his knees,“I’m hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. Is there any point bothering anymore, (Y/N)? Maybe I’m not meant to be famous...”

“My love…don’t say that.” She couldn’t eat after hearing that. Was that really how he thought? The clouds won’t go away easily, will they?,“I think you might just need to breathe…and accept the outcome of your cooking show. All the successful people you admire was in your position once...even I was. They pour their time and heart into something, but still witness it not getting as popular as they wanted.” She scooted closer to him,“Tell me, do you have a passion for cooking?”

He gives a thoughtful glance,“Well... I guess I’m okay at it, but it’s not something I can imagine doing for the rest of my life.”

Figures! She knew from that pace he didn’t,“Now, let me ask you. If it’s not what you’re passionate about, why did you start a show on it?”

“I guess... It just seemed easy. Truth is, I still don’t know what it is I exactly want to do, so I figured if singing or acting wasn’t my feel, I could try hosting. And cooking shows seemed good enough to suck up for... I didn’t think people would see through the pretend if I had thought more about the joy of being famous rather than...” He trailed off, appearing to ingest the messy thought process behind it...

There. She sits up, after leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek,“See? That was the root of your failure. There was nothing wrong with your charisma nor you in general, Chris, but don’t undermine your audience- they can tell if you’re doing something that doesn’t come natural to you. There’s the bigger absence of soul, and we all know what atmosphere a dead body sets. Hearing that you didn’t like it to begin with, I’m honestly happy that it failed. Imagine if it blew up and you were stuck doing it for months, years, just for reputation sake? Why make a misery out of your life when you can be famous for something you love instead?” She takes a munch of her sandwich,”In other words, yes, there is a point bothering. Remember what I said? You can be famous by doing anything. There’s no point wasting it on something that just happened to be convenient. You just have to reflect, hosting, what kind of show do you want to host? Acting, what genre do you want to star in?”

Chris doesn’t respond right away. For a second, (Y/N)’s stomach drops as though she had said the wrong thing- taking sight of the expression knitted on his face, however, she found that it wasn’t the case of searching for a verbal answer to give her- but an answer to himself. In spite of his eyes already being the darkest colour possible, a wide range of heavy thoughts had glimmered from his strange brain in them, taking her word of reflection to the next level extremely.

For what felt like an hour of listening to the wind whistling and strands of hair dancing, the epiphany (Y/N) casted on him was alas put to rest as Chris drops his body onto her lap, groaning,“I’ll think more about it later... Right now, I...think I really just need to take my mind of it.” Guess he realised he had tried exploring so many methods at once, he had forgotten to use himself as the starting point.

Warmly, she locates her accepting arms around him,“Hang in there, baby. Your time will come along.”

After that, Chris got a lot more attention. Better attention, from other actors, singers, producers. He never told her what he did that led to it. Whether he used (Y/N)’s connections or found some of his own, it worked, and now, smiling had never been more permanent on his face.

A pink balloon to her wrist, (Y/N) hopped in circles on their carpet. Even their Venus flytrap was greener for happiness was alive and well, evident by Chris’ current calls for his sweetheart one day, the ecstatic voice followed by rushing footsteps, the more it repeated, the closer it would seem he’s gotten to her, racing with a grand smile carved in his face. Before the woman at urgent request could verbalise, he gripped onto her waist to swing her off her feet out of this pure excitement,”I got it, I got it, I got it! I got the job!”

Who could not have smiled at such an act?! This along with what he said was definitely a time of good news! 

“Woooo! Where, Chris, where?!” She laughed with him as he put her back down.

“Hosting! I’m going to be hosting a brand new reality tv show!” He announced, hand to chest, the words flying out faster than he can think them.

Oh my God.

Her eyes widened.

This really was a miracle.

“Oh my God!” she squealed recklessly loud, her go to tighten her arms around him,”That’s incredible Chris! Oh I’m so proud of you!” No wonder why he was so happy! He was going to have a second chance at one of the best positions in the industry!

“Thank you, (Y/N)! This is totally going to be my breakthrough! No way I’ll get fired now! And...” his voice tones down for a crucial confession,“I want you to be part of it.”

“Huh, me? Meeee? Lil old me?” she had caught her own wide smile, letting go of him. 

“Uh, yes! I can’t have you in the shadows when there’s the whole world to shine for!” He explained as though it was obvious.

“Ohhh I don’t know...” the beloved lady puts a considering finger on the side of her face,“I won’t be as good as you with being on live television, and... Well, I want you to be the centre of it all, not me by accident.”

“Ohohoho...” he laughs, lightly squeezing her face,“Don’t worry, you for sure won’t be stealing my spotlight. Come on... It’ll mean the world to me! And it’ll be my way of saying thank you for believing in me. Pleaaaaaaaaase?” He grasped his hands together in front of his face.

“Hmm...” What was really stopping her? She had the confidence for it and she’d get to really celebrate Chris’ success on landing such a good job by being a part of it,”Alright! If it’s for you, then absolutely! How should I apply?”

“Apply?” The soon to be host with the most repeated, confusion narrowing his beautiful features, before cracking up at such inquiry,”I already signed you up! It was actually the producers’ idea to get someone like you on the show!” He puts his hands forwards, cracking knuckles, no going back,”Prepare for showbiz Y/N, cuz we’re in for the ride of fame!”

[third-time-charmed]

(I am not going to follow that up by asking about your works now since you said you don't mind before-)

You've mentioned a couple times now that the idea of These Golden Regrets came to you rather spontaneously. I personally love hearing the backstage of working on most anything so I was wondering if the idea started with a base line that quickly snowballed into the full idea or if it was a combination of prior ideas or what inspired the sudden thought?

I absolutely do not mind at all! Thank you so much for asking!!

It literally came to me in a dream:

I do not know what it was that caused it, or what I had actually been dreaming about. I think I had recently seen something here on tumblr (and fuck me if I can ever find it again)(FUCK never mind I definitely found it OF COURSE it's fucking havanillas.... this had to have been the catalyst) that was like "oh what would happen if Aven's sister was still alive but she was fighting against the IPC" that probably mixed with a number of other fics I had been reading at the time (I can't remember if I had first read comet of your mind before or after this) and a lot of my own thoughts and musings about what his sister might have looked like. But somewhere in dozing in and out between alarms that morning, it literally just played out in my head.

And most of it WAS already there, or the major plot points were anyway. A lot of the negotiation/interrogation scene was most of it, with Aven recognizing her from the language she was speaking. The gala that is (supposed to be) coming in chapter 4. The Kakava festival. All the way up to The Big Climax where the deception all comes crashing down.

The very first thing I did was go looking for a similar fic, because surely someone had already written it, right? But I could not find it, and the more I let it stew, the sharper the details became, and I knew I had no choice because the seeds were embedded and the idea was not going to leave me alone. So I sat down to start hashing out a general outline to string together the major points I already had and add in some more structure.

This is not the norm for me btw, this has only ever happened to me once before, and it was a piece of original work from back when I was just out of highschool. I generally don't have such lucid dreams, and even if I do they rarely make much narrative sense. So this one really seemed special and I wanted to hold on to it.

Obviously a lot of the finer details have changed, most notably the actual interrogation scene is a bit different from how it was originally envisioned, but that's going to happen naturally just because adding more detail and nuance to the narrative redirects the flow a little bit. And if I'm not mistaken, the signal system was added in after the fact, which sort of changed the trajectory of the scene as well (though it was one of the earliest details that got added in, so it's always been an important aspect of that scene). A lot of the character study aspects of the story came from me trying to logic my way through why these plot points would occur and how to make it all work in a believable fashion. So when I say that the plot is a bit contrived, that's what I mean. I was handed a premise (by who, I don't know) and now I'm trying to make it work however I can, and sometimes that is requiring a little bit of a stretch lol.

But yeah, I don't really know how else to describe it, other than it literally came to me in a dream somehow and now here we are refining and developing it into a coherent and (mostly) cohesive story. I haven't actually dreamed about it again since, but it now takes up a lot of my idle thoughts and musings during waking hours. I am constantly rotating ideas and scenarios, mulling over specific scenes and details, and comparing notes every time I have the urge to watch through the 2.1 story quests again. And even though I have almost all of it generally outlined, I don't know where it ends just yet. That part is still a little bit open-ended in my head, so we'll see where we get to in the meantime.

[drarrygirl27]

Hello Peeps!

I haven't been on here in a long ass time once again. At this point, I think it's just to be expected of me. LOL! 😆

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last posted. So... First of all, Nezuko is doing well. She's already a year and 4 months old already. Where in the hell did the time go?! She hasn't gotten too much bigger though which is why Doug and I both refer to her as our forever kitten. She's on the lean and petite side which is pretty common when it comes to female cats. She has recently gotten fixed, but if her surgical site looks like it is mended at least for the most part (It's been healing very well from what Doug and I have seen throughout this week.) by the time Doug gets back from work today (This is officially her 7th day of recovery since we had her fixed.), she'll finally get to be completely free and not have to stay in a relatively well sized dog kennel for most parts of the day anymore which would be awesome for all because she's missed her freedom to do as she pretty much pleases in the apartment and Doug and I have missed her and her kitty cuddles and such and she has missed that as well. We have fairly recently allowed her some supervised time out of the kennel in our bedroom with the door shut so she can get a little exercise and such which of course she has really liked and just yesterday, she went back and forth here and there between where Doug was at and where I was at in our bedroom to get some good quality time and get nuzzles, snuggles, and cuddles in too as well.

Second of all, we've had another cat for probably about 2-3 months now considering that he was estimated to be 6 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days old on May 30th for when him and Nezuko both got fixed. His name is Tanjiro. Unfortunately, with a lot of things that were going on at that time and the time before then, we couldn't seem to find the time, money, and or energy in some cases to get some things done including getting both Nezuko and Tanjiro fixed at technically a good or decent time so that by now, they could have been properly socialized and such, but recently we've been getting some things going and prepared which is good because of the 3rd really big thing that has been going on for a long while now. However, before I get to that, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for when it comes to anything and everything pertaining to all of these crazy changes. We are most definitely going to need it for many reasons. You'll see why for when I mention the 3rd and biggest change that is very life-changing in and of itself that is happening in the Jones and Filkins household.

Third of all, I'm pregnant! Doug and I both have been trying to get pregnant from June 1st of last year. I officially stopped taking my birth control pills on that day after we discussed it with my OB prior to that. I started feeling mild nausea for about 3 months starting in August or September I want to say in the early morning hours to about late afternoon hours of the day everyday and around that time and sometime after my period had started to regulate naturally, my flow was starting to fluctuate in quantity here or there (I made myself some charts that went from that specific pack of my birth control pills, including listing the last day I took one, and the day I stopped taking them altogether, that I was stopping on to June of next year because that's what my OB suggested for Doug and I to do before looking into our fertility and such like that (Not the detailed month charts. Writing down the month charts was my idea to keep track of things.). Then there was some spotting here and there happening more and more frequently as the months went by until there was almost nothing to absolutely nothing really showing up sometime in September or October if I'm remembering the months correctly so Doug advised me to take some pregnancy tests. I took the first two from the package on Nov. 5th and both the digital and + or - said positive. Well I did my due diligence just to be on the safe side of things and waited exactly a week after Nov. 5th to take the second two from that exact same package (a digital and + or - one) relatively around the same time in the morning that I took the first two and both of those also said positive.

We both were pretty sure that I was pregnant given my symptoms and the 4 positive tests that were taken exactly as the directions written in the pamphlet, but whenever we told his immediate family about it, we did both say that it's still just a possibility that I could be pregnant and that this wasn't technically an official announcement and that we won't know for sure for sure until getting it officially confirmed with my doctors so to please not say anything about it to anyone else until we get confirmation on it. They were of course very excited just like we were about the real possibility that I could be pregnant.

Fast forward to Nov. 28th, where we get told by my primary physician that the pregnancy test that they just did had come back positive. So... By that point, we have 5 pregnancy tests in total all saying positive which in and of itself was incredibly surreal, but nothing and I mean absolutely nothing could have prepared me for how more surreal things could get until I went to get my first out of 4 total ultrasounds I've had done where I got to see my baby for the first time right there in front of my eyes on the screen and hear their heartbeat on Dec. 7th. No words that I could ever think to say would be able to describe even a little bit of the feelings that I felt hardcore while I was seeing this little human inside of me and hearing their heartbeat especially for the first time. That was the moment it felt incredibly real, but still so surreal at the same time. After trying to conceive for just a small number of months, Doug and I were officially on our journey of parenthood.

So... As you can see here a lot of changes are heading mine and Doug's way and any day now I'll be having our baby because I am now according to the What to Expect App, 39 weeks and 5 days along and the estimated due date is literally this Sunday, June 9th which is insane because my own birthday is this coming Monday. Either way, you look at it Doug is going to be dealing with not only two Geminis (We be crazy sometimes. We're fun, but things can get crazy with us here and there.), but two female Geminis. May the Lord and all the highest, bless him and his soul is all I have to say. LOL! 😆

So... Yeah those are the biggest changes from last year to now that has happened and or is happening still. Oh and Doug and I both have a raise coming up in September and it's actually a really good one to be honest especially his because he gets paid more as a Plumber for the school district than I do as a Custodian for the school district, but what I have coming my way per hour is pretty damn good. I'm not at all complaining about it. Oh and another thing, whenever I get back to work from my maternity leave, I'll be at a different campus. I'm going to miss my boss and my co-workers and the people I've cleaned for and such, but I have to do what is best for my daughter which is why I'm being transferred to a different campus so I can work the morning shift while Doug works the evening shift. I'm a bit nervous and anxious about it, but a tad bit excited too because while the morning shift custodians get paid a little less than evening shift custodians do, it's also usually from my very little experience doing it at other school campuses a bit easier cleaning wise so that's a plus in my book especially being a new mom and all. My new work shift will be 6 am-2:30 pm instead of 2:30 pm-11 pm, but I know I'll be all right. I adjust to different work shifts relatively well. It'll take me, mind and body wise probably at most 2 weeks to adjust to that time difference especially as long as I allow myself enough time to eat a good breakfast and enjoy a cup of coffee before getting my work day started.

Well... I believe that just about covers it really at least for now. Have a good day and Ttyl, Peeps!

Sincerely, Kendra E. Jones

[tanjir0se]

The Ghost of You, ch. 4

New full chapter up now on AO3!

Giyuu heard someone curse and blinked. Beyond Sabito, as if there was anything beyond Sabito, as if the world didn’t start and end with his well-remembered fluff of peach hair and eyes that were only gentle for him, someone was shouting in pain. He watched as blood sprayed against the snow.

Sabito smiled at him. It was not Sabito’s smile. For the first time since seeing him Giyuu felt like he’d just woken up; the more he looked at the vision the more he could see beyond it. From peach hair to white, to scars, to angry, narrowed eyes. He couldn’t save Sabito. But he could save Sanemi.

“Eleventh form,” Giyuu began shakily.

“Giyuu?” Sabito implored, as if betrayed. “What is it?” Not Sabito.

“Giyuu!” Sanemi screamed, his voice choked.

“Dead calm.”

“Knock it off, Sabito!”

The other boy barked out a high laugh, like a fox’s cry, and refused to move from where he was, planted down cross-legged on Giyuu’s chest, wooden sword in hand. Giyuu squirmed and shoved him, struggling to breathe beneath his weight.

“I said make me!” Sabito beamed down at him, nearly silhouetted by the sun, his nose wrinkled deeply. “C’mon, be a man!”

Giyuu set his jaw and took a deep breath, the way Urokodaki had been trying to teach him. It was hard with Sabito’s weight on his chest but he managed to take a slow, measured inhale, let the air flow all the way down into his still-bandaged fingertips, and felt the strength it granted him growing. Baring his teeth with the effort, Giyuu swung the wooden sword at Sabito as fast and hard as he could, forcing the other boy to raise his own sword in defense. The action knocked him just slightly off balance, but enough to allow Giyuu to buck his hips hard to the side and throw him off.

He stayed on his side in the dirt for a moment, breathing deep and hard, while Sabito giggled behind him.

It was still his first month of training; his mornings were spent in one on one lessons with Urokodaki and in the afternoon he trained and drilled with Sabito to help him catch up. Every day his injured hands became stronger and stronger; every day he thought of his Tokyo relatives less and less. In no small part because working with Sabito was such a handful.

“Alright, get up!” Sabito said, having already gotten to his feet himself. “Let’s go again.”

Giyuu groaned but prepared to obey him, having learned by then it was no use to argue. As he began pushing himself up from the ground, a hand appeared in his field of vision. Sabito’s reaching down to help him up. He blinked at it, then up at Sabito, who was grinning—if a little wickedly. Though, Giyuu supposed, that wrinkle in his nose nearly always made his grins look wicked. He took Sabito’s hand with his own bandaged one and stood.

“There! Took you long enough.” Giyuu brushed himself off and gave him the most venomous stare his naturally neutral face could muster. Sabito meanwhile was lowering himself to a fighting stance and raising his wooden sword. As difficult as the training had been so far, Giyuu knew he could not, would not stop. Every night in the dark he remembered what Sabito had told him about the monsters, about how they were afraid of their Sensei, and had resolved not to stop until they were afraid of him, too.

He mirrored Sabito’s stance the way Urokodaki had taught him and gripped the wooden hilt of his sword. Immediately Sabito frowned at him and nodded at the sword.

“Farther apart.” Giyuu adjusted. “No, not that far.” Giyuu adjusted again. Sabito sighed and dropped his own hands to his sides and approached. “Here, like this.”

Giyuu watched as Sabito placed his hands over his own on the sword grip. His voice sounded impatient, but Giyuu couldn’t help but notice how gentle his hands were as they slid his into the correct positions. Ironic, considering how rough with fresh callouses they were.

“There. Now I can kick your ass properly.” Sabito murmured. He grinned once more and took his place across from him.

*

The boys knelt beside one another with their chests high while Urokodaki slowly wound the bandages away from their healing wounds. If Sabito winced, Giyuu sat up a little straighter, as if competitively, and when Giyuu flinched, Sabito puffed his chest out a little higher.

While Urokodaki had his back turned, Giyuu let his gaze slide over to Sabito beside him. On his cheek, the angry brown-red scab was slowly dwindling and giving way to pale pink scar tissue that twisted and pulled his flesh in strange directions. Giyuu winced on his behalf, but Sabito kept his jaw tight and eyes forward. It seemed like it didn’t bother him at all. Giyuu dropped his eyes to his own hands, the dried frost burn blisters on his fingertips that were scabbing over, the new blisters from training on his palms.

“Those hurt?” Sabito suddenly asked. Giyuu looked up in surprise and for a moment was unable to tear his eyes from Sabito’s scar. Sabito was looking at Giyuu’s hands.

“Nuh uh.” Giyuu managed bravely.

“Good.” Sabito responded with a nod. “Mine doesn’t either.”

Urokodaki returned with a small pot of his ointment balm and dabbed a bit onto Sabito’s cheek. Sabito closed his eyes, and while his face remained neutral Giyuu could see him grab a fistful of his pants and squeeze it so tightly his knuckles went pale.

READ THE FULL CHAPTER NOW HERE!!