#but not as hard as telling your family that you spent most of summer crying about my bod

[entitled-fangirl]

Girly, I'm ranting.

TW: Abuse

...........

If you were considering leaving an abusive relationship- If it even crossed your mind today- DO IT. Love isn't painful. And if it is, then baby, that's not love.

I spent two years with a man that was selfish. He never hit me. He never raised his hand to me. He never even threatened it.

But he did abuse me.

When I left for college, he pushed me to follow him to his own college. The college that accepted me was one of the best in the nation for my degree. And he still wanted me next to him. That's not love.

I was highly inexperienced when it came to sex. I wasn't interested in it, and I told him that. He asked me angrily, "Well, what am I supposed to do about me? What about my needs as a man? Do you want me to go find it elsewhere?" And he pressured me every time I saw him. That's not love.

I've been to my church almost every Sunday since I was 7 years old. He wasn't religious. He told me he wanted to become a Catholic. I encouraged him to follow his journey in religion but to keep in mind that a marriage with him would be difficult due to their rules about other denominations. He asked in anger if I would truly pick God over him. That's not love.

I have an absolutely adoring family. I told him that it's been a dream of mine since I was young to keep my last name when I get married. He said it "made no fucking sense." And told me I would "change my mind." That's not love.

I get seasonal depression in the summer. He told me that if I really loved him, I wouldn't want to be distant. That's not love.

On my bf's birthday, my dad had an accident and was in the ER. I was crying, and my bf called me to ask where I was. While I cried over the fear of my dad's life, he said, "I guess we both know where our priorities lie." That's not love.

My college had a safety situation, and I was stuck in one of the buildings until the threat passed. As I sat in fear, he berated me about how unwanted he felt since I wasn't spending time with him like we had planned. I cried more. That's not love.

I watched the light in my eyes fade slowly over those two years, beginning to hate myself. I thought that was what love looked like because if it was abuse, he would hit me. But he didn't. So I thought it was love.

Baby, I promise you it's not.

Real love encourages you, empowers you, makes you feel like you can pursue the things you want without fear. It doesn't gaslight. It doesn't berate. It doesn't hurt you.

If "love" makes you hate yourself, it is not love.

I promise you.

Please put yourself first. If no one seems to want the best for you, please be the first. You deserve the best. I swear it.

This is unlike anything I talk about, but I have a platform and I feel responsible for telling you that abuse is hard to see. But once it's spotted, you need to leave.

Now on the other side of leaving him, I can tell you that it was the hardest but most rewarding thing I've ever done. I lost friends. I lost a part of myself. It's been months and I'm still not through all the stages of grief. But I see the ways I've grown. The light in my eyes. And I wouldn't trade this for all the money in the world, because I know my worth now.

The sky has to fall a little sometimes. But that doesn't mean it's the end.

I'm linking the National Domestic Violence website here. If you're second-guessing the term "abuse", please look at their resources to help identify it.

It's so hard, but I promise you- I PROMISE YOU- You don't deserve abuse.

[dbnightingale24]

Christmas Wish List

A Johnny Storm One Shot

~~

Surprise @autumnrose40 !!  Okay, so I had planned for this to go with your gift, but as you can tell, that didn’t work out -__- . This is just a small thank you for being there for me all the time, and listen to me cry and vent about any and every thing. Also, I know that things are tricky right now, so I hope this brightens your day a bit! I love you tons and I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you, as always, to @fuckingbye​ for the moodboard and literally everything else that you do. I love you!

Word Count: 11,037 (don’t get used to this)

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+ Only!!!!!), Fluff, Angst, Bit of A Slow Burn, Drinking, Smoking, Swearing, SMUT, Insecurity, A Bit of Self Loathing, Bits of Depression, Shitty Ex BF...I think that’s it?

Song(s) That Inspired This Story: You’re Here, Where You Should Be

I do not consent to any of my works/stories being posted elsewhere.

~~

You try to get lost in the Christmas music you have playing in your office, trying to block out the music that’s being played from the ballroom down the hallway. It’s not that you don’t want to observe the festivities going on for the holidays, but you just feel that it’s not the best idea.

“You don’t have to keep working,” Susan Storm laughs, causing you to jump just a little as she enters your little office with two drinks in hand. “You should be enjoying the party with the rest of us.”

Or, Mrs. Richards. She doesn’t mind either.

“No, I still have work to do, it’s okay-”

“It’ll still be waiting for you when you get back from your holiday break,” she interrupts softly as she takes a seat at the other side of your desk. “Are you gonna go and see your family?”

“Um, no family to see,” you smile awkwardly. “Parents are gone, lost them in the attack on the towers, and I don’t have much a relationship with my siblings. I’m gonna stick to the tradition I’ve been following for about...six years, now? My friends and I make our favorite foods, have a big dinner, and exchange gifts.” “That sounds like fun,” she smiles, finally putting down the drink she brought in for you.

“You didn’t have to-”

“You work hard, Y/N. I know we don’t always acknowledge it, but Reed and I do see how hard you work, and how you come in earlier or stay later than you have to. You deserve a night of fun, even if you don’t stay for the party, you should enjoy being young. How old are you? 22?”

“You’re kind!” you laugh in disbelief. “I turn 28 this year.”

“Seriously?!”

“Good genes,” you smirk and she laughs.

“Well, no one is going to hold you to all of this work. If you want to, we’d love to have you at the party,” she says with all sincerity before getting up. She looks over on your desk and sees the picture of you and Johnny at the beach from last Summer and smiles before walking away.

The teeth he had pull to get you on that bike. Sometimes, his patience truly amazed you.

It’s not like you don’t want to go, but you’re trying to avoid him. Ever since the night you made a move on him, almost two months ago, you’ve made it a point to avoid Johnny Storm at all costs. It’s not like you didn’t try and stop yourself, but Johnny Storm is just that:

A fucking storm.

However, you didn’t want to be just a notch in his bedpost so, you did the only logical thing your drunk brain could come up with: you ran out of the room like a bat outta hell. You know it didn’t mean anything, so you’re not sure why you keep thinking about it. You were both drunk and said he said some things he couldn’t have possibly meant. Drunk men will do and say anything to get into someone’s pants, and why should he be any different? Because he’s a superhero? Because he’s your best friend? What the hell does that mean to you? Yes, like most women, you think he’s gorgeous and, even though you hate to admit it, you’ve spent more than a few lonely nights getting off to the thought of him and all of the things you’re more than sure he can make you feel.

Unfortunately, for you, it’s so much more than that.

You work for the Fantastic Four, and you have for fours years now. You get to see a side of them that the rest of the world doesn’t, and that’s what made you fall so hard for him. You’ve seen him triumphant and you’ve also seen him defeated. You’ve seen him being the sweetest guy while sober, and the biggest douche while drunk. You’ve seen the temper tantrums, while you’ve also seen him step up and take charge.

You have seen every side of Johnny Storm and you can’t help but love him. You know most people don’t see it (or think it for that matter), or believe it, but he is complex. He struggles with being a son his parents would be proud of (maybe that’s why him and Tony Stark get along so well), while also struggling with his own damn personality. Johnny is a fire by default (superpowers be dammed), and he can’t help but be a little reckless. He’s the youngest and has been spoiled since birth.

He doesn’t know how else to be.

That being said, you don’t know how to turn it off. You don’t know how to not want him. He’s nothing but chaos, but for you? Well, for you, he acts like he’ll move heaven and hell for you.

You don’t know how to stop being in love with him.

As you sip the whiskey neat Susan left you, you wonder how the hell you’ll be able to keep handling this job?

How the hell will you be able to handle Johnny Storm?

**

Johnny’s P.O.V

Why aren’t you here? I suggested this party just for you. It’s not like I haven’t tried to fight what I feel for you, but it’s...you. Of all the people I expected to fall for, you were who I least expected. Then, I saw you that night a year ago, and you’ve been all I’ve focused on since.

“Johnny, this club is beat!” my date whined before she took a drink of whatever the hell I ordered for her. “Lets go!”

“We’ve only been here for five minutes-”

“And it’s not gonna get any better!”

“Let me finish my drink,” I mumbled, irritated that it was taking me so long to get me to what I wanted.

That’s what I get for hanging around with the crowd that I do.

“Well, make it fast,” she scowled and I rolled my eyes.

It’s not like she was wrong. For a Saturday night, at 11pm, it was pretty dead. Of course, she was scouting for new candidates once I got rid of her, and I just wanted to see if it was anything worth revisiting. I was more than ready to leave as I started to down my drink, but then...

Then, I saw you.

“You can leave if you want. I think I wanna stick this out,” I told my date as I saw you dancing and laughing with your friends to ‘If You Dare’ by Jazmine Sullivan.

“Fine,” she huffed before she ordered another a drink.

I should’ve left, because there was no reason for me to stay. We were friends and I shouldn’t have thought of you in that way. You weren’t like the women I usually dated or flirted with, you stayed focused on your work at all times, you had your priorities straight, you had been through enough and didn’t need me complicating things for you.

You looked so happy and content, and it’d been so long since I’d seen you like that. Yeah, that was on me, but it didn’t matter in that moment. You always wore modest clothes, you never smiled like that while working, you were dancing so freely, and you looked like you didn’t have a care in the world.

I tried, but I just couldn’t look away. As the songs kept playing, and the drinks kept coming, you just became more and more carefree, and it just made me miss you even more.

It’s not like I didn’t believe in real love or relationships, I just didn’t believe in them for me. Seeing you in that moment though...it had me seeing things differently. However, if I’m honest with myself, it started long before that, didn’t it?

“Johnny,” Reed called, pulling my attention away from the X-Games on the screen in front of me, “this is Y/N. Be nice to her, she’s going to help with research and also acting as a receptionist.”

“Don’t tell me you found someone to keep you occupied while Sue is busy,” I chuckled as I looked you over.

You instantly froze at that.

“Johnny!” Reed snapped.

“It was a joke,” I sighed, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y-you too, Mr. Storm.”

“God no,” I groaned, “Johnny. Please, call me Johnny!”

“Will do,” you laughed softly, “it’s nice to meet you, Johnny.”

Something abut that small, innocent laugh made something stir inside of me. I made that remark about you keeping Reed busy while Sue was away, because you looked like the type of nerd he’d fall for. I won’t lie though, I did think you were cute. Shy, quiet, anxious, glasses that were slightly too big for your face, a beige sweater that was too big for you, and little black pencil skirt. You were the type of woman I would’ve secretly crushed on in High School.

From that day on, you did your best to stay out of the way. You were kind to everyone, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry or get angry, you were always two hours too early and stayed three hours later than you needed to, and you rarely ever asked for days off. The days when you weren’t in the building felt empty.

Lonely.

I think what changed things for me was how you treated me after the incident with the Silver Surfer.

“Johnny?” you called softly as you came out onto the balcony.

“Stay back, I might fuck you up too,” I scowled, grabbing another beer from the six pack I brought out with me.

“You didn’t fuck up anything, Johnny,” you sighed as you took a seat next to me.

That was the first time I ever heard you curse.

“Tell that to Reed.”

“You went after the Surfer because it was your job. You didn’t do this to yourself.”

“I almost killed-”

“But you didn’t,” you interrupted softly. “Accidents happen. Are you headstrong and cocky? Absolutely,” you smirked and I couldn’t help but scoff, “but you’re also a good guy who loves his sister, his friends, and wants to do what’s best for everyone else. It was just a bad day. All of this will get sorted out and it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do,” you smiled reassuringly before getting up, “I’ll get out of your hair so you can-”

“No....stay...if you don’t mind. It’s nice...having someone to talk to about this. It’s nice...talking to you,” I muttered as I offered you a beer.

We stayed out there for hours, talking about any and everything. That’s when I learned about your family, your awful money hungry siblings, your shitty boyfriend, your love of art, classic and horror movies, and how much you love to cook.

That’s when I learned that I was in love with you.

Fast forward two months and my luck seemed to change just a bit.

“You can’t be here, Tyler!” I heard you snap softly.

“You’re always here!” Tyler responded with a gruff tone that I didn’t appreciate at all.

How the hell could your boyfriend be getting angry with you for doing your job? Especially when he does nothing to contribute!

“It’s a fucking party-”

“Do you not see how many diplomats are here?! This is much more than a party! Deals are being made, help is being asked for, agreements are being-”

“Another fucking night that you’re not home! You’re coming home with me-”

“Let me go!” you almost yelled. “I have a fucking job to do! A job that pays our bills and keeps food in the fridge, since you lost your fucking job! Maybe, if you’d go out-”

“You little bitch! You know that wasn’t my fault! I-”

“You were drunk on the fucking job, Tyler! You got fired because you don’t know how to get your shit together!”

“You think you’re so much fucking better than-”

“Is there a problem here?” I asked as I made my way out onto the terrace.

“Johnny, everything is fine,” you scrambled frantically over to me, “you don’t have to-”

“Who the fuck are you?!” Tyler interrupted.

“A friend,” I warned as my hands flared up.

I didn’t even mean for it to happen, I was just that concerned and angry. God, what the hell were you doing to me?

“Jesus, you’re fucking the Human Torch?!” Tyler snapped.

“TYLER!”

“You need to leave,” I warned as I made my way over to him, “you weren’t invited and no one wants you here. Leave.”

“Johnny-dammit!” you snapped, touching my shoulder only to find my clothes damn near boiling.

“Fucking stay here if you want,” Tyler snapped, his laugh was condescending, “but I won’t fucking be around when you get back to the apartment. We’re done!” he spat as he stormed off.

“Are you okay?” I asked turning to look at you as soon as he was gone.

“I’m...I’m fine, I’m so sorry...you shouldn’t have had to...fuck!” you winced as clenched your fists, because you forgot all about the burn on your hand.

“Shit! Lets get you inside and wrap that up, okay?”

“No...you go back to the party!” you sobbed as you tried to fight back your tears. “You don’t have to-”

“Hey, lets get you inside, get this wrapped up, and have a few drinks, okay?”

“They’re so many people here to see you-”

“Who gives a shit?” I smirked which gained a small giggle from you. “I have something more important to take care of right now.”

You cried for hours that night and it broke my heart. You hide everything so well, all for the sake of a paycheck, that I sometimes forgot how much you had going on in your life. I forgot about the pain you hid in order to keep your head on straight, the stress you cried yourself to sleep over at night, and the anger you pushed aside so you wouldn’t lose yourself in it.

You make it so easy for people to forget, because you don’t want to inconvenience anyone. You don’t want to feel like you’re a burden, because so many people in your life have made you feel like one. I held you for hours, calmed you down, and convinced you to stay in my room that night. Of course, you protested (not wanting to put me out), but I eventually got you to agree when I lied and told you I usually sleep on the sofa anyway.

I didn’t want you crying all alone in your apartment, and if that asshole would’ve been there when you got home, someone was definitely going to get hurt.

And it wouldn’t have been you or me.

From that day on, I found reasons to be around you. Whether it was keeping you company when you stayed too late, or annoying you until you’d agree to go with me to get lunch.

I don’t know why I was so shocked by how funny you were, but you never failed to make me laugh. Whether it was an offhanded comment, your horrible impersonations of reporters who did stories on the Fantastic Four, or you singing some song you loved off-key, you constantly kept me laughing. You didn’t make a big fuss or catch an attitude when people would crowd around and ask for pictures and autographs, you just stood off to the side and waited for me, always asking if I was okay after all was said and done.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I scoffed as we got back to the building.

“I know that you love all of the attention that comes with all of this,” you said with that smart-ass smirk of yours, “but I also know that everyone has a limit. It’s a lot to be in the public eye all the time and, on top of that, you’re a superhero. I know how loud it can get in ones brain and I just wanna make sure that you’re okay. You know you don’t have to hide from me,” you smiled up at me, with those big beautiful eyes of yours.

Of course I had to hide from you. Everyone else could see what was happening, except you. I went from wanting to be in your space to needing it. You calmed me, as lame as that sounds. That ego of mine, that always seems to grow by the second, always seemed to come back down to earth when I was around you.

“Johnny, just tell her you like her,” Susan smiled one day when she caught me staring at you from the living area.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Cause women like her don’t go for guys like me. She’s too smart for me.”

“I’m sorry, do my ears deceive me? Johnny Storm thinks someone is too good for him?” Ben laughed as he made his way down the hall.

“You don’t have any fucking ears,” I scowled with an eye roll.

“Just tell her, kid. She probably feels the same way-”

“No, she doesn’t. She couldn’t.”

“She spends a lot of time with you for someone who doesn’t feel the same,” Sue encouraged.

“It’s better this way-”

“Just got off the phone with, Stark,” Reed interrupted as he rushed into the hallway, “he and Bruce have discovered a cosmic disturbance and it’s headed...did I miss something? Why are we all looking at Y/N? Is she okay?”

“This is the guy you chose to spend forever with?” I asked Sue with a cocked eyebrow.

“Trust me, I question it sometimes too,” she muttered with an eye roll.

“What am I missing?!”

“Just let it go, buddy,” Ben laughed, “what’s wrong with the world this time?”

After that, I did my best to stay away. It would’ve been best for everyone. I don’t know how to do relationships, and you deserve someone who isn’t emotionally stunted.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked one day as you cautiously approached the kitchen.

“What? No. Why would you think that?”

“You just...you seem far away. You don’t come and visit me, we don’t get lunch together anymore, you don’t stay with me after work anymore...”

“You’re perfect,” I sighed, hating how much pain was in your eyes, “I just figured I was becoming a distraction for you. Plus, I know there have been some rumors that we’re dating circling around, and I don’t want you getting hassled.”

“That’s outside. Even in here, you avoid me like the plague. I don’t know, I just feel like we haven’t spent time together in forever.”

“I’ve just had a lot on my mind. There’s a lot going on.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t wanna bother you with it.”

“Johnny, if there’s something I did-”

“It’s not you, sweetheart. I promise.”

God, I hated how sad you looked and I hated that I was the reason for it, but I really felt like it would be for the best. For once, I was trying my hardest not to be selfish. I buried myself in as much work as I could, I went back to dating random models and socialites, and I did my best to avoid you.

“You’re a real asshole, Johnny,” Susan scolded as she made her way into my room.

“Aren’t you supposed to knock before you start harassing someone?”

“Johnny, you’re breaking Y/N’s heart!”

“Stop being so dramatic. I’m sure she’s fine-”

“Then why did I just catch her crying in the research office?”

“Susan-”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You spent every waking moment with her, brought her flowers, her favorite foods, stayed late with her every chance you got, and now? Now, you’re back to hooking up with the same airheads and getting into dead end relationships!”

“Susan-”

“You finally found someone perfect for you and you’re just letting her go? For what? Because you refuse-”

“SUSAN!” I snapped, tired of hearing all of the wrong reasons I’m staying away. “Just stay out of it.”

“What am I missing here, Johnny?”

“It’s just better this way. She’s better off this way. Whatever she thinks she feels for me will go away.”

“Johnny-”

“Just stay out of it, Susan, and close the door on your way out.”

I could tell by the way her eye was twitching that she wanted to say more, but just nodded, before leaving and slamming my door shut.

It’s not like it wasn’t hurting me too, but I didn’t do relationships. I never knew how. I didn’t want my first real attempt to be with you, fuck it up, then lose you forever and all together.

You’re entirely too important to me, and if we’re going to be together, I want it to be forever.

So, I pretended to not feel your longing gaze on me when I would walk by, pretended that I didn’t hear quiet sobs at night when you thought we were all off doing something else, and I pretended that I wasn’t the loneliest I’d ever been in my life.

In response to all of the hell I brought upon myself, I was more irritated than usual, more times than not I ignored Reed and did what I thought was best (everyone loved that), I went to pointless parties with empty headed people, and I kept looking for comfort in women whose names I didn’t care to remember.

No, it wasn’t the best solution, but what else could I do? As much as I was pissing everyone else off, they didn’t say anything. Everything was fine until I saw you on that dance floor.

“Those things will kill you,” I smirked, coming up behind you outside as I snapped my fingers and made a small flame appear.

“Mr. Storm!” you gasped as you almost dropped it. “I...I didn’t know you were here.”

“Mr. Storm? Really?” I scoffed as you lit your cigarette with the flame I made you. “When have I ever wanted you to call me that?”

“Things are different now...” you trailed off before you took a drag of your cigarette.

“When did you start that?” I questioned, nodding towards the cigarette.

“Um two months ago? Maybe three, I’m not sure.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing really, just some shit with my siblings, it’s fine. You should get back to your date-”

“She can wait. What’s going on?”

“Mr. Storm-”

“Stop calling me that.”

“No, it’s better if I don’t. I got too comfortable before-”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. I don’t know, I thought we were friends-”

“We are friends. You’re my best friend.”

“Best friends don’t just randomly start ignoring each other.”

“I’m sorry. I was going through something and I didn’t know how to talk about it. I’m back though. I miss you.”

“Mr. Storm-”

“Sweetheart, please.”

“Johnny...that really hurt. You just left and you didn’t-”

“I really am sorry, sweetheart. I won’t do it again.”

“I should get back inside,” you sighed as you dropped your cigarette and stomped on it.

“JOHNNY! OVER HERE!” a photographer yelled as he started snapping away.

“Fucks sake-”

“It’s fine, I’ll head back inside-”

“Let me take you back to-”

“ARE YOU TWO BACK ON?!” another photographer yelled, “WHAT’S HER NAME?!”

“Lets get you out of here,” I growled as I hugged you close, covered your face, and got us a cab.

Once we got inside, you didn’t let me go, and it tugged at my heart more than I thought it would.

“I really missed you, Johnny.”

“I know, I missed you too, babe.”

“Don’t leave me again, please.”

“I promise I won’t.”

From that day on, we went back to how we were almost instantly. You even started inviting me over to your place. Once again, everyone was pushing me to ask you out, but being apart of your life again was more than enough for me. I stopped going out so much, my attitude went back normal (which according to Ben wasn’t much better), and stopped partying (which made Sue happy).

Every night that I had those feelings, I took care of it myself, your name softly leaving my lips every time. If all I could do was want you, that was fine by me. I still didn’t trust myself with you and I had no intention of fucking things up again.

At least, that’s what I told myself at the time. Then, two months ago, I ruined everything.

“Why are you still working?” I pouted as I poked my head inside your office.

“Because there’s still work to be done,” you giggled, not even looking up from the screen.

“It’s 11:30 on a Friday. You know you’ll come in tomorrow and finish up-”

“Maybe I’ll take tomorrow off, you never know.”

“Yeah, and do what?” I smirked as you shook your head.

God, you were so damn cute when you got flustered.

“I don’t know. Go to Ithaca and walk down a waterfall.”

“What the hell?”

“You can! I’ve done it before!”

“You’ll have to take me one day,” I laughed, “c’mon, close up shop and lets go.”

“Go where, Johnny? I don’t feel like going to a club, or a bar.”

“I’ll order us some food, we’ll have some drinks, and we’ll watch a movie.”

“We can do that any day.”

“Yes, but I want to do it today. So,” I started as I pushed myself off the door frame, “lets turn all this bullshit off and decide on dinner.”

“Johnny!” you laughed as I pulled you out of your seat.

“You know you’d rather be hanging out with me anyway.”

“You’re nothing but trouble,” you giggled.

“It’s your favorite thing about me.”

Everything was going fine. We ended up getting Chinese food, drinks were flowing, the conversation was great, and we ended up watching the ‘Philadelphia Story’.

At some point, you ended up in my lap, and I was holding you as if I’d never let you go. Yeah, we’d been drinking, but I should’ve known better than to let it get that far in the first damn place.

“Don’t you want that, Johnny?” you softly slurred as you laid your head on my shoulder.

“What? A bunch of tricks and schemes, and a failed wedding?” I laughed, just as drunk as you were as I brushed your hair out of your face.

“No! To rediscover your true love and make it work!”

“Is that you want?”

“I think I just want to find my true love,” you chuckled as your arms snaked up and around my neck.

You felt like home.

“What about you?” you asked softly.

“What about me?”

“What do you want in a soulmate? What are you looking for?”

“I don’t think I’m soulmate material.”

“Of course you are! Everyone is,” you promised sympathetically as one of your hands cupped my cheek.

I should’ve stopped it right then and there, but between the alcohol coursing through my veins and how bad I’ve needed you, I couldn’t have pumped the breaks if I’d wanted to.

“What would I want in a soulmate? Someone like you, I guess.”

“Someone like me?”

“You’re perfect,” I confessed softly as I met your soft gaze.

God, you looked so beautiful. When didn’t you?

“Johnny, you and I both know-”

“You’ve been everything to me for the longest time. If I were looking for someone to spend forever with, it would be you,” I admitted as I tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

In the blink of an eye, your lips were on mine and it felt like heaven. Everything that I had day dreamed of and imagined, came to life in that moment. When your fingers found their way into my hair, I did nothing to stop them. Even with how tight you were gripping my hair, it was still the closest to heaven that I’d ever felt.

“Y/N,” I moaned as you straddled me.

I had every intention to tell you to stop, but it just felt too damn good. Imagine your favorite dream or fantasy finally becoming real.

This was better than that.

“I’ve wanted you for so damn long,” I whispered as I started to trail kissing along the column of your neck. “I’ve needed you.”

“I’m all yours,” you whimpered as your hands traveled down to the hem of my shirt, “I’ve always been yours.”

You broke away for just a second to take my shirt off, and the whimper that left your mouth had me smirking. It was nice to know that you liked what you saw. Once again, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I should’ve stopped, but the thought alone was too much for me. Instead, I reached for your panties and ripped them off, having to remind myself not to get too excited.

“Johnny,” you whined, “thought about having you like this for so long!”

“Fuck,” I growled into your neck, trying not to get too rough when I bit your neck “you fucked this perfect little cunt thinking about me?”

“So many fucking times!” you confessed with a moan as you ground yourself against me.

There was no way I was stopping.

“Lift those arms, baby. Gotta get this fucking shirt off. I need to see all of you,” I begged with a husk.

And that’s when everything changed.

“No...no, no! What the fuck am I doing?!” you questioned as mortification showed all over your face.

“What’s wrong?”

“This is...this is all wrong! Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you almost sobbed as you got off of me. “Fuck!”

“Y/N-”

“I’m so sorry, Johnny. I have to go,” you sobbed before you ran out of my room.

Since that night, you’ve avoided me like the plague and it’s not like I can be mad at you. I never planned on it going that far, and if it were to ever go that far, I wanted us both to be sober. I can only imagine that you ran off because you didn’t want to be just another trinket.

Another trophy fuck.

Every time I tried to talk about it, you had an excuse not to. Sometimes it was work, other times it had to do with your friends, and sometimes you just told the truth and told me you didn’t wanna talk about it.

I tried to think of a way to make it up to you, but nothing felt right. Flowers felt too small, your favorite food felt like a cop out, and there was no way in hell that you were gonna wanna be alone with me again.I wanted to do something for Halloween, since I know it’s your favorite holiday, but I couldn’t think of anything you’d want to do with me. So, that just left Christmas.

“Sue, why don’t you throw a Christmas party?” I suggested nonchalantly as I sauntered into her office.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Y/N not speaking to you, would it?”

“She has nothing to do with this. She and I are just fine-”

“You’re a shitty liar when it comes to me, Johnny. So, don’t try it.”

“I just thought it would be nice. We’re invited to every party, but we’ve never thrown one ourselves.”

There was no way in hell that I was about to fess up and say this was all for you. The last thing I needed was everyone giving me unsolicited advice.

“I’m not buying it, but you make a good point,” she sighed as she sat back in her chair. “I’ll talk to Reed about it-”

“You’re not gonna let him be in charge, right?”

“Just because I’m in love with the man, doesn’t mean I’d leave him in charge of any social event,” she scowled and I chuckled.

“Thank you, Sue. I mean it.”

“Whatever is going on between you two will work itself out,” she promised with a reassuring smile.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard on anything in my life, or been so damn stressed. I made sure to have all of your favorite foods on the menu, your favorite deserts, and your favorite drinks. I’m more than sure I annoyed the hell out of Sue, but I didn’t give a damn. As long as everything was set up how you would like it, I didn’t care who I pissed off.

Now, everyone is here except for you. Going to see you won’t help anything, but even if you don’t forgive me, I at least want you to enjoy a party that was built around you.

“Johnny, standing in a corner and pouting won’t help anything,” Susan sighs coming up next to me.

“This is her favorite song,” I mutter as ‘Silent Night’ starts playing.

“Is that why three different versions of it are on the playlist?”

“I wanna make sure she hears it.”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“She’s still not here, Sue. Even if she doesn’t wanna see me...they’re a ton of people here and she’s still not here.”

“What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter.” “Johnny-”

“Just drop it, Sue.”

“Well, give it time. I went to see her and, while I can tell that she’s torn, I think she’s going to show up.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I can just tell. When something is right, it just works out,” she smiles before turning her attention back to the crowd, “Natasha! Bruce! I’m so happy you were able to make it!” she beams before walking off.

I pray that she’s right, because I don’t know what took me so long to realize that you’re the only person I’ll ever want to commit to. I know that I can be a real pain in the ass and difficult, but I’m willing to work on myself if it means that I can have forever with you.

I’m willing to do any and everything if it means I can make you mine.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed with the party. All of your favorite foods, you’re more than sure you’ve heard at least four different versions of ‘Silent Night’, every drink option that you love...

It has to be Johnny.

God, why did that night have to happen? Where the hell did your self control go? No, you don’t think Johnny would ever intentionally hurt you, but you also know that Johnny is shit with commitment. It’s not like the man doesn’t try, but you also know that the idea of him being with one person forever terrifies him.

However, that doesn’t change the fact that you miss him so damn much.

You came into the party with the intention of staying out of sight and out of mind, but Ben was in a good mood and pulled you into a conversation about latest research you were helping Reed with until Alicia pulled him away. You tried to get back to your corner of solitude, but somehow, you found everyone wanting to talk to you.

Unbeknownst to you, Reed and Sue had been talking you up. Telling everyone how much they appreciate all the hard work you do, how committed you are to your work, and how your attitude always brightens the mood, no matter how bleak things may seem.

Now, you’re being asked left and right if you’re willing to split your time, if you have any friends that are just as hard working as you, and where you studied Science at (in hopes of finding someone just as dedicated as you). As flattered as you are, you just want to stay in a corner by yourself, quietly scanning the room for Johnny (and whoever he brought as a date), and make sure that he’s happy. For as heartbroken as you’ve been for the last two months, that doesn’t mean you don’t want to see him happy.

Even if it is with someone else.

Sure, you could go and talk to him and put an end to all of this, but that would mean facing him, and you’re not ready for that just yet. Yes, you were both drunk and got swept away, but you don’t know how to handle it the way you think you should yet. The fact of the matter is: you love Johnny Storm. You have been for a while and you had been doing such a good job at hiding it. You’d seen the type of women Johnny fooled around with, and you knew you’d never live up to those standards. Yeah, he remember what he said that night, but he was also drunk and horny. No, he’s not a bad guy, but you’ve seen him play women before by drawing it out even though it was obvious to everyone else that he had no intention of sticking around. You’d like to believe that you were different, but once again, he was drunk and horny.

Accidents happen all the time.

However, you’ve been asking yourself the same question over and over again since the whole thing happened: if you could take any of it back, would you? You come to the same answer every time.

Hell no.

Having some of Johnny was better than having none of him, even if it was only for a moment. So, you told yourself that the next time you see Johnny, you’re going to apologize for your actions, promise him it’ll never happen again, and hope that you two can go back to the way things were.

At least that’s what you keep telling yourself.

After a few more uncomfortable conversations, you’re finally able to grab yourself a drink and make your way back into a corner. It seems silly to be in a corner of a party that seems to be catered around the things you love, but you just feel safer. Being in that room full of high profile diplomats and superheros just doesn’t feel right alone. It won’t feel okay unless Johnny is by your side.

“Why don’t you ever come to any of the parties?” Johnny asked you as he met you outside of your apartment complex. “You’re always invited.”

“Those parties are the last place I belong,” you scoffed as you put on the sunglasses he gifted you last week.

He told he got them for you because he was tired of you blocking out the sun with frames that didn’t suit your face.

“Why do you say that?’

“Cause that’s not me...it’s you,” you motioned towards him.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You constantly save the world, and you’re ‘Mr. Personality’. That whole thing is your scene, not mine.”

“You’ve been huge help on all of those missions-”

“I’m a behind the scenes kind of woman, Johnny.”

“You don’t have to be. You could go with me,” he offered and you rolled your eyes.

“It’s all fun and games until you leave me for some model-”

“You know better than that, sweetheart. I wouldn’t leave you alone in a crowd, especially when I know how uncomfortable it’d make you.”

“You’d wanna be seen with me over some shiny model?”

“You’d wanna be seen with me over some fuckin’ book about space and atoms?” he questioned with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk as you let out a full bodied laugh. “Why wouldn’t I wanna be seen with you?”

“I’m not the kind of woman you’re ever seen with.”

“That’s because the only time you hangout with me is when we hangout for lunch.”

“When else can we hangout? You’re always busy or fucking.”

“We can hangout whenever you want, just say the word.”

“Yeah okay.”

“I mean it, tell me when you want to hangout and we will.”

“I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

“What are you doing today?”

“Lunch with you and then I was gonna do some more research on-”

“It’s your day off!”

“There’s always more work to be-”

“Yeah no, we’re hanging out. Your schedule has just been cleared. I know exactly what we’re gonna do,” he smirked as he pulled you along with him.

“Johnny-”

“Trust me!”

Usually, you hate Summer. You don’t like the beaches in New York, so there’s never one to go to. Sure, you can go to Jersey, but it’s always crowded and such a hassle to get to that, by the time you get there, you’re not even in the mood to do anything anymore. So, you usually stay in and do your best to avoid the heat, which is impossible because the city is always filled with too many people.

Summer hadn’t been something you’d enjoyed in a while.

However, that day that you spent with Johnny was one of the best days you’d ever had with him. He took you to one his favorite sports bars, spoiled you just a bit with new glasses and a necklace that he saw you eyeing while you waited for him to get off the phone with Reed, took you to his favorite casual restaurant for lunch, took you to the MET (you couldn’t tell but it made his heart so full to see you so happy), accompanied you on a stroll through Central Park, treated you to a movie, took you to dinner at Carmines (how he knew you’d always wanted to go is something you still don’t know), and ended the night with riding you around on his motorcycle (which only took about 20 minutes worth of convincing).

“See? I’m pretty fun to hangout with,” Johnny smirked as you both leaned against his bike, looking out at the view from the Brooklyn Bridge.

“I had the best day I’ve had in a while,” you smiled, laying your head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry about some of the hell we had to deal with today. The paparazzi and the fans-”

“It wasn’t terrible,” you shrugged. “Yeah, I was completely out of my comfort zone, but I felt safe with you.”

“Yeah, hanging with The Torch has the effect,” he said smugly and you burst out laughing.

“Never refer to yourself that way around me ever again,” you breathed once you finally caught your breath. “It has nothing to do with you being ‘The Human Torch’. I just feel safe with you...I trust you. I always have.”

“Yeah? Enough to go to one of these parties with me?”

“I will go to a party with you, I promise,” you giggled.

“Ready for me to take you home?”

“Lets stay here just a little bit longer?” you begged softy.

“We can do whatever you want, sweetheart.”

You wish you could just go back to that night. Everything was simple, and the both of you were so happy. Now, it’s all a fucking mess.

“Hey,” a familiar voice says softly from behind you. A voice you’ve missed more than you’ll ever be able to put into words.

You told yourself that you’d be gracious about the whole thing that you’d talk to him like an adult. Yet, the second you feel his breath on the back of your neck, you take off running like a deer in the headlights.

In fucking heels no less.

“Y/N! Please!” Johnny yells running after you.

Why are you running? There’s literally no reason to. It’s not like any crimes were committed and you didn’t murder anyone. All you did was almost completely give yourself to the one person your heart burns for.

No big deal.

You’re quick to get inside your office and start pacing, taking deep breaths as you try and calm your nerves. Why can’t you calm down? You can do this! You’ve talked to Johnny about so many things that were much more difficult than this, so what is the problem? You just want him back in your life, so you need to stop hiding from him (literally), and grow up.

“Wh...when the fuck did you...become a fast...fast runner?” Johnny breaths as he leans against your door.

“I’m sorry...” you mumble, toying with fingers and looking at your feet.

“Can you please talk to me? This is insane! It doesn’t have to be like this!”

“I know and I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about everything, but its turning out to be a lot harder than I thought.”

“Why? Yes, things got...heated, but we’ve always been able to-”

“We’ve never even kissed before, Johnny. That night...it’s not the same.”

“We’ve talked about more complicated things than almost hooking-”

“Johnny, I love you. I am so in love with you and I...I had planned on keeping it to myself, because you don’t do relationships, and that’s fine! I was fine with how we were, but then we kissed and said things...my panties came off...I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but it’s hard, because now you know. I made the first move, I said what I said...I wanted to talk to you, but I just couldn’t be around you yet,” you finish softly.

Wow, that came out a lot easier than you expected.

Since he isn’t responding you keep going, “I’m happy to just be your friend, Johnny. You’re always going to be my best friend, but I know we can’t be together, and I can’t take seeing you with other women yet and-”

“Why not?”

“Why not what? Why can’t I take seeing you with other women? Johnny, I just told you I’m in love with you-”

“No, why can’t we be together?”

“Is that a joke? You don’t-”

“I can-”

“Johnny-”

“For you, I can do anything,” he promises sincerely as you finally meet his gaze.

“Lets not do this-”

“I love you, Y/N. I love you and I have for a while now. I’ve had a crush on you since I first saw you, and the more I got to know you, the more all of it spiraled out of control. Why do you think I stayed away for those four months? I was trying to get over and distance myself from you, because I didn’t want to fuck all of this up. I didn’t want to ruin your chances with someone else by breaking your heart. I really did my best to leave you alone, but I was miserable without you, which I think speaks volumes about how much I love you. Even with Raye, which we both know it’s because of me that didn’t work out, I wasn’t all that broken up about it. Yeah, I hated that I hurt her, but you saw how quickly I bounced back from that. I can’t bounce back from you, Y/N. I can’t and I don’t want to.”

“Johnny-”

“I’m loneliest when I’m without you, I’m constantly in a shitty mood when we’re not speaking, whenever I’m out fighting to save the world I’m only thinking of saving you, your laugh is my favorite sound in the world, I listen to your voicemails when we’re not talking because it’s the only thing that soothes me, your touch is what I crave more than anything else in the world, I’m lost when you’re not around...I am so insanely in love with you. I love you to the point that it hurts.”

“Johnny...”

“If you don’t want this, that’s fine, but I think you do. I think you want this as bad as I do,” he states softly as he makes his way over to you.

“You don’t...you don’t like relationships. You said so yourself that they’re just not for you because you don’t wanna be chained to someone-”

“That was before and it was stupid for me to say that. I don’t know, I just...I don’t feel like that with you, sweetheart. If you want me to stay away, I understand and I’ll do just that,” he promises softly as he stands in front of you.

“I...I didn’t say that,” you confess, looking down at your fingers.

Using his forefinger, he gently lifts your chin so your gaze is on him, “tell me what you want.”

“I want to believe that you want this, because it’s all I’ve been thinking about for a while and...I don’t believe you’d ever hurt me, but I know you, Johnny. I know...how you act and that commitment scares you and I don’t want to be-”

“I wouldn’t say anything if I wasn’t serious about this. Serious about us.”

“Johnny-”

“There’s no one on this planet, or the others for that matter, that I find more beautiful than you. No one gets me like you do, no one cares for me like you do, no one...loves me like you do, Y/N. I don’t want to be with anyone else, I don’t look at anyone else, and I’m never gonna love anyone the way I love you. You’re the only person I’ll ever want to commit to and that’ll never change.”

“Say it again,” you beg softly as he leans in closer.

“You’re the only person I’ll ever want to commit to,” he breathes softly, his face a mere few inches from yours, “and that’ll never change.”

Before you have a chance to think of an argument, his lips are on yours and you’re gone. Yes, you still have your fears and reservations, but you miss Johnny. You already missed him when you weren’t around, but now that you’ve kissed him and felt his hands all over you in that way, you crave it more than anything else in the world.

You crave him.

“Johnny,” you moan as he kisses down your neck.

In all honesty, you wanna tell him to stop, but you can’t seem to form the words or remember why. Instead, you wrap your legs around him as he picks you up and places you on your desk. What’s the point of stopping anyway? You believe him and it’s starting to become very clear that you two are no longer able to keep your hands to yourselves when along together.

“I fucking missed you,” Johnny growls, hiking up your skirt then ripping off your panties, “never letting you go again.” “Fuck!” you gasp at the feel of his thumb on your clit.

You’re more than sure the warmth flooding through your body has nothing to do with his power.

“So fucking wet already? We’ve barely gotten started,” he smirks teasing your cunt with his fingers.

“Pl...please,” you whimper softly, “dreamt of this for so long!”

“Tell me what you’ve dreamt of,” he coos as slowly sinks two fingers into your desperate and greedy cunt.

Right now, you love him just as much as you hate him for torturing you.

“Having...having you all to myself, loving me, pulling me...apart, oh my God!” you cry out at the feel of him curling his fingers. “John...Johnny please!”

“Tell me more,” he pushes, picking up his pace just a little, applying just a bit of pressure to clit, which only makes you cry out in pleasure as you start grinding yourself against his fingers. “You’re a fucking dream, babygirl. Tell me!”

“Fuck! I’ve thought about...oh Johnny,” you moan, lulling your head back as you feel a warm sensation on your clit, kicking shoes off and curling your toes.

“Never thought I’d ever have you like this, baby. So fucking perfect, baby. Gotta tell me more or I won’t let you cum, and I can tell just how bad you want to by the way this pussy is squeezing my fingers,” he chuckles, easily sliding in a third.

“Jesus!”

“No, just Johnny,” he teases as he picks up his pace. “C’mon sweetheart, be a good girl and tell me more!” “Aht! I’ve...I’ve been dreaming of you on your knees eating my pussy while fingering my ass, want...wanna taste you so fucking bad, Johnny!”

“Fuck,” he growls, no longer teasing you, and you can tell he’s desperate to give you whatever you want. “Keep going, babygirl!”

“Dreamt of you fucking me hard and fast, claiming and making me all yours! I wanna feel you so deep inside my pussy, baby!”

“Give it to me, sweetheart! Be a good girl and cum hard for me!”

Your body has been ready to obey anything Johnny has to say for years, so you’re not surprised that you squirt hard on his fingers as the words leave his mouth. You’d be embarrassed, but you’ve wanted this for so long that you just can’t be bothered to feel any shame. All the cards are laid on the table now, so he may as well see every side of you.

Not just the parts that are work appropriate.

Johnny grips your neck with his free hand before puling you upright and crashing his lips into yours, “who knew my perfect girl was so filthy?” he broods once you two break apart, still fucking you through your high.

“Need you, Johnny! Please!”

“I’m gonna take care of you, baby, I promise,” he smirks, removing his fingers and bringing them up to your lips, “open.”

Keeping your gaze on him, you open your mouth and stick your tongue, your pussy clenching around nothing at the feral growl that leaves his mouth.

“Suck ‘em clean, sweetheart,” he commands, as he gets down on his knees.

You feel his breath on your core when you remember, “not here!” you mumble around his fingers. “The cameras!”

You hear him mumble incoherent against your folds and you whine in pure want, needing one of you to come with a solution fast. Thankfully, Johnny’s on his feet almost instantly, taking your hand in his while he removes his fingers from your mouth, and pulls you along with him.

“Follow me, sweetheart,” he broods, practically jogging down the hall.

At least he’s just a desperate for you as you are for him.

He pulls you into the elevator with him, hits a button without even looking at it, before pinning you against the wall and kissing you passionately. One of his hands snakes its way up your skirt, and you moan into the kiss as he starts fucking you with two fingers.

“They’re cameras in here too,” you giggle with a breathy moan as he starts biting and sucking on your neck.

“A little making out in the elevator never hurt anyone,” he smirks before licking the spot he just bit.

“And how about getting fingered?”

“They can’t see that, sweetheart,” he whispers in your ear before biting the shell of it.

Johnny Storm is gonna be the death of you.

When the elevator finally arrives at the floor he selected, you whine in protest when he removes his fingers, and is pulling you out of the elevator. In almost no time at all, he has you pinned against his bedroom wall and is kicking his door closed before getting on his knees.

“You don’t know how much I’ve gotten off to the thought of eating this perfect little pussy, baby,” he groans before licking your clit.

This must be what heaven feels like.

“Oh my fuck...Johnny! Yes!” you cry out, running your fingers through his soft brown locks, gripping them tight before grinding your your pussy against his face.

He easily slides two fingers into your soaked cunt, curling them as they give you a warm sensation. When you feel his lips pulling on your clit, you lull your head back and hike your right leg over his shoulder, granting him better access to your greedy cunt so he can fuck you deeper. His free hand travels up your side, finding yours, and he entwines his fingers with yours.

The small gesture makes your flutter and fall in love even more.

“I love you so much...Johnny! Need to feel you, please!”

Maybe it’s because it’s Christmas, or maybe it’s because he’s just as desperate as you, but your pleas doesn’t fall on deaf ears. He starts licking and sucking on your clit with such ferocity, you won’t be surprised if the whole hears you as you yell his name, a euphoric cloud washing over you as you coat his fingers and lower half of his face with your desire, gaining a grunt of approval from him as he fucks you through your high.

“I will be back down here tonight,” he promises as he kisses his way up your body, unzipping your skirt and letting it fall freely to the ground, “ but right now, I wanna get lost inside of you.”

“Please,” you whisper once he’s on his feet again, unbuckling his belt as quickly as you can.

“You sure you want this, sweetheart?”

“Too late to turn back now, and I don’t want to. I love you and I want this with you, I want everything with you.”

“God, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that,” he smiles before crashing his lips into yours.

Clothes come off easily, and they’re no sounds other than the desperate and hungry kisses you both are giving one another. His skin is heated and his touches are soft and, for the moment, you can’t remember what the hell you were so afraid of. Being here with Johnny, like this, and having him all to yourself is all you’ve ever wanted. You know the fear will come back later when all is said and done, but with the way he looks at you, the way he holds you, and has always looked out for you, it’s hard to believe that he would ever hurt you.

It’s hard to believe that this isn’t meant to be.

“Lay back, baby,” you tell him breathlessly as you softly push him back, “I’m gonna take care of you tonight.”

“You are nothing like I imagined,” he smirks and you laugh softly.

“Is that good or bad?”

“So fucking good,” he broods as you dip down lick the tip of his heated length. “Fuck,” he sighs as he grips the sheets.

“Just relax, baby. Let your good girl make you feel good.”

No, giving Johnny Storm (aka the Human Fucking Torch) a blowjob probably isn’t your best interest, but you’ve dreamed about it too long to not do it.

You smooth your hand over his abs, your pussy clenching around nothing as you try and figure out how you got so lucky, while you’re hand strokes him in an attempt to prepare yourself for his size and length.

“Just relax,” you coo before finally getting your mouth on him, moaning in satisfaction at the taste of him.

“Shit! That’s it, babygirl! Fuck, just like that!” he moans as you start to take as much of him as you can.

Your movements are slow at first, taking more of him bit by bit as you relax your throat to accommodate him, falling in love with the way that you’re making squirm beneath you and breathe heavy. Once you’re finally able to fully accommodate him, you’re unable to to control yourself when you pick up your pace as your hand starts to play with his balls.

“FUCK Y/N!” he proclaims, eyes clenched shut as he tries to control himself.

You run your hand over his his abs in an attempt to calm him, but it’s useless because you’re too worked up yourself. You turn your gaze up towards him to find that his gaze on you is intense and heated. In fact, you’re more than sure you see a little orange tint around his eyes, and it only turns you on more to see how much you’re playing with fire.

Literally.

“Not gonna....fuck, I’m so....FUCK!” he exclaims, filling your mouth to the brim, bucking his hips a little as he fucks all of it into your mouth.

You ignore the desperate longing between your legs as you do your best to swallow everything he has to offer, wanting to make sure you don’t miss a single drop.

“You okay?” you smirk once you’ve cleaned him to your satisfaction.

“I need to be inside of you right now, get your ass on top of me,” he growls as you giggle.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll do it,” you promise as you straddle him, rocking your hips against his, your soaked lips dragging along his cock.

“I want you to do whatever you want...whatever will make you happy, sweetheart. I’m yours to use however you want,” he moans as his hands start to travel up your body.

“I want to make you as happy as you’ve always made me,” you moan, adjusting yourself so you can align him with your entrance. “I wanna show you just how much I love you...SHIT!” you cry out once you start to slide down on him.

You’ve never been so full and you’re not even half way down.

“Oh my GOD!” you whimper, loving the delicious burn of him stretching you. “Fuck!”

“Never had a cock this big before, sweetheart?” he questions with a cocky grin, with his mouth slightly agape.

“N-no, but...I can t-tell you’ve never been in a pussy t-this tight!” you moan, finally settling against his hips.”Tell me how good it feels baby,” you moan, pressing your hands against his chest, the hairs a welcome comfort as you dig your nails into his pecs.

“Fuck, best pussy I’ve ever been inside of,” groans as he grips your hips tight, the heat radiating from his hands sending you closer to release. “Thought having you like this to myself for so long, and God, you’re better than any fucking fantasy that I ever came up with...fuck! That’s it, baby!” he encourages as you pick up your pace, rolling your hips against him. “So fucking beautiful!”

“S-so fucking close!” you whine, clawing at his chest, finding that spot deep inside that only ever seemed to exist when you used your vibrator. “Aht, aht! YES!” you cry out, squirting hard as you try and ride out your high.

You’re only left in charge for a second before Johnny wraps an arm around yourself, and sits upright which only pushes him in further.

“FUCK!”

“You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, did you know that?” he broods, gripping your hips before starting fucking into you relentlessly.

“Johnny! Please...feels too good!”

“I’ve been watching you for so long, imagining what it would be like to be worthy of you...your love...fuck, the way this cunt squeezes me!”

“Never felt this good!”

“Gonna spend all night showing you just how much I love you...how much I’ve needed you,” he mumbles into your chest, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and licking it.

“Fuck!” you gasp, running your hands through his hair as you try to hold on, still tying to recover from the last orgasm.

His tongue is deliciously vicious against your nipple, showing no mercy at your desperate whimpers and pleas, not even when tears start forming in your eyes. You’ve never felt this good in your life, and while you’re more than sure you’ll be sore tomorrow, it’ll be more than worth it. You’ve been waiting for this forever and there’s nothing that could make you regret it.

You’ll never regret giving all of yourself to him.

“Mmm Johnny! Too much!”

“I know you can give me more,” he encourages with a husk, looking up to see you in your blissed out state. “You’re fucking gorgeous,” he groans, his skin getting just a bit hotter, sending you over another euphoric waterfall.

At some point, you’re going to need to remember to invest in aloe.

“Ya know, I don’t think my bed has ever been this wet,” he chuckles, before getting you on your back and starting to fuck into relentlessly. “I think I wanna make this a nightly thing,” he husks, entwining fingers with one of your hands, while the other is planted firmly by your head.

“Oh my GOD!”

“What do you think about that, babygirl? Hmm? Be my good girl during the day....my filthy, desperate little thing at night?”

“Johnny...” you sob, that knot in your core tightening again.

He dips down and whispers against your ear hotly, “I think that’s exactly how it should be. Cause you were made for me, just like I was made for you.”

You feel your legs start to tremble as another orgasm starts to build, and you truly wonder if you’ll be able to last the rest of the night after this one.

“C’mon babygirl, I need it. Please,” he rasps into the crook of your neck as his movements become erratic.

“Too much! I...I...FUCK!”

“Y/N!” he shouts as he fills you with his seed, you squirting on his cock, only soaking the bed even more.

As you fade out of consciousness, you try to remember if you’ve ever felt so full and loved in your life, and you’re pretty sure you haven’t.

“You okay, sweetheart?” you faintly hear him ask, and you only have enough energy to nod. “Did I take it too far for you?” he chuckles and you giggle.

“No baby, I just need a minute, “ you smile up at him. He dips down and starts peppering kisses all over your face and you start laughing, “don’t tell me that you’re a giant softie underneath that giant ego of yours.”

“You know it’s only for you. Its always only ever been for you,” he groans as he pulls out, before laying down beside you and pulling you close.

“And why is that, Johnny Storm?” you question as you lay your head on his chest, feeling secure and like you’re loved.

“Because I love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you,” he chuckles before kissing the top of your head.

“I don’t know if I should even bother giving you the actual Christmas gift I got you,” you smirk as you start to press soft kisses along his chest.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he sighs, and you can tell he’s getting worked up all over again.

“Hmm? Why’s that?” you ask, propping yourself up on one arm, while the other softly stokes his chest.

“Because,” he starts, cupping your cheek and stroking it gently, “you were all that I wanted, and it’s been that way for a long time now, Y/N. You were all that I had on my Christmas wish list.”

~~

taglist: @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @emerald-evans​, @maroonsunrise83​, @whxre4cevans​, @sweetflowerdreams​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @companionjones​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​, @mazda098​

[madamescarlette]

A few years ago I did a full-length version of this tag, which I thought would be a fun thing to revisit for this NYE! (You should do this too, if you feel so inclined! count this as me tagging you.)

share your favorite memory of this year.

I can't really tell you anything but multiple flashes that I hold close to my heart-- my mother sitting up in bed laughing over something I said about my brother, my whole family dancing at my brother's wedding hand-in-hand, one of my friends saying wistfully it was so good to hear me & my teammate's voices on the phone, me driving home the first evening it felt like fall and watching the leaves swirl around the street, me seeing a tiger (!!!) in the spring. A beautiful year, if a hard one!

2. what was the highlight of your year?

Most likely my brother's wedding! It tinged the year in such a golden light.

3. list the top five books you read this year.

In no particular order (except for the Q love u Q), The Q, The Carrying, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, and the entire Frieren series tbh.

4. list the top five movies you watched this year.

Past Lives (movie of my HEART), Twisters, Miss Potter (my first rewatch since childhood and 😭😭), The Fall Guy, and tbh Return to Me (I think of it often!)

5. list the top five tv series you binged this year.

Hmmmm....this is always difficult! I would say, Abbott Elementary (my beloved), Psych (extra points for watching with my brother), Summer Strike (peaceful show of my heart), ??????, I rewatched Makanai which I love dearly but I swear I cannot remember off the top of my head anything else I watched, liked, and finished.

6. what is the one new thing you discovered this year (could be a place/hobby/song etc)?

I started learning SQL and that somehow to me was such a joy! And after reading The Hurting Kind book Ada Limón finally got into my heart for realsies this time and I think that's magical.

7. top three albums that you played this year?

I think I'm going to do a ranking on all their own, but peeeeersonally I think the albums that most were There for me were Charm by Clairo, Vertigo by Griff, Positive Spin by Gretta Ray. (Honorable mention to TTPD that has been with me through it all, it just feels too vast for me to really put a pin in it for just this year, you know?)

8. your spotify wrapped #1 song

These Walls – Dua Lipa, which I don't fully know what to say about it except that the shiny sparkly sound somehow makes me feel so bright and emotional at the same time.

9. your spotify wrapped top artist

Taylor forever.

10. your personal song of the year.

It's not even from this year! But You've Already Won by Gretta Ray song of all time to ME. It can simply hold a whole life in its hand and I love that so. Also a little shoutout to Down Bad which can still make me cry 8 months 10,000 listens later.

11. what is an achievement that you are proud of this year?

not necessarily any singular achievements. I'm proud of how much time I've spent with my mom, I think. I'm proud of how much I've grown in regards of my work. It's been a year of quiet (if grueling) growth and I'm proud of that.

12. what are your goals for the next year?

My goals? I think mostly that I'm setting some writing goals (daily journaling, quarterly chapbooks, 20k of a book draft) and I want to pick up boxing again as I've let it lapse this month.

13. any three book releases you are excited for next year.

I'm soooo out of the loop here, alas. There's new Maggie Stiefvater that I will read, there's new Emily Henry I will probably read.

14. any three upcoming movies/tv series that you are excited for next year.

tentatively excited for new Superman, tentatively excited for second half of Wicked, always excited for more Abbott Elementary.

15. if you could change one thing about the past year what would it be?

very little! I had to go through it to come out of the other side of it. (And when it shines out it'll shine all the clearer or something of the sort.)

16. did you manage to stick to your new year’s resolutions this year?

Not even a little! I was going to use this year to try to draw something every day, which I failed horribly at, but I think that's only to be expected. Still, I want to use my resolutions to create more little spaces of FUN in my life again. I've missed them horribly.

17. do you have any new year’s resolutions for the next year?

My only real, true type of resolution is simply to have FUN. While I've still had lots of big, beautiful joys this year, I've not delighted as I ought to, and I want to bring that part of myself back. Learn some new dances, learn to make sourdough, things along that line. Just get back into the motions of living and find myself swept up by the verve of it all. That's my one bit of resolve.

18. favorite meme of the year?

I could not tell you the name of a meme right now if you told me my life depended upon it. I love the bit we have of using substitutes because we don't do suicidal ideation anymore here babes. I love the resurgence of the children's hospital red meme.

19. which month was the most fun this year?

The most fun?! I mean, probably...October? It's hard to tell because there were challenges in so many! But I laughed the most in October so it must be then.

20. if you could tell yourself something at the beginning of this year based on what you know right now, what would it be?

I mean...I think more than anything I'd just want to reassure myself of the past that it's really, really okay, and you have more strength and power within you than you might think. Also, even though it sucks and it's uphill work, if you want this to be a place full of love you have to be the one to put it there, you can't just luck your way into it, you yourself have to put your heart on the line and become love itself to the people you're given to care for. And that's something wonderful to take part in!

21. favorite viral trend of the year?

I looooove the international Mikus with ALL my heart. They're what make life worth living 💛💛

22. list any three new things you learned this year (could be recipes, a new skill, etc.)

This is the hardest thing for me to recall. I learned how to make arrozcaldo at last? And I started learning SQL as I said. I started properly, FINALLY learning the different forms of poetry at the beginning of the year (I know, I know, I'm shamefully self-taught) but a lot of it has fallen out of my brain. I need to set it more in my bones, I think.

23. how would you describe your year in a word?

Enduring, is a good one I think. It's been quite a year for gritting my teeth and bearing it, alas. But it's also been a year of fruitful, beautiful friendship and fellowship, a year of becoming greater company to myself and to others. Luminous would be another fitting word, actually! There's been a lot of beauty and grace granted to me, and I am very, very grateful. There's something bittersweet in leaving behind any year, and this year just as much as any! I'll never live it again. But I can live a new one, and that's just as magical in its own right. I hope I'm brave enough to meet it!

[boundbyeclipse]

📬

alright, since i’m so open with you all on this app, i think it’s best if i talk about my struggles and let myself be heard. considering my previous post about my roommate/friend, this one will be exactly about our journey that began a few years back. i’ll warn you, this post is very open and honest, and also quite long. if you are willing to read everything - thank you for your time. now let me start.

so, four years ago, 2019, at the end of summer, we both moved in together to another city, away from our parents and out of our hometown. we have always joked about living together, but didn’t think it would come true. well, it did. i guess it was just meant to happen. everything was good for the first two years, we spent so much time together, even worked at the same place, until she met this guy. well, it was a messy situationship but i won’t get into details about it out of respect. the important part is, when she started dating him, there no longer was any proper girl time. whenever we decided to watch a movie, or do something together, it would just always end up with her dashing through the door just to see that guy. or he would come over and the “party��� would be over in a second. it always happened like that. and what hurt me the most, (i remember this like it happened yesterday) was one time, we were drinking wine, and dancing, just having fun. and me being an emotional person, (ofc the alcohol affected me even more) i began to cry so hard because i felt lonely (relationship wise). she patted my back, told me that i will find someone one day. but then, suddenly she gets a text from him and rushes to get ready to go to his place. so she leaves. i’m all alone. i’m crying sitting on the FLOOR. and it’s all because she was so naive and needed sex. i understand, first boyfriend, falling head over heels and all that stuff causes you to be naive, but it shouldn’t cross the line to the point where you totally ignore your best fucking friend who needs a person by their side. i felt so abandoned, so sick to my stomach, because the ONLY person i relied on and trusted so much did that to me. and even if i managed to kind of cool down and lowkey forgive her for that (i never actually talked to her about that night), i still remember it. i don’t think that’s what best friends do.

next, some time after that, i fell into a bad place again, i left that job, wanted to find a new one, and it took me a bit of time to achieve that. but during the time while i wasn’t working, my mom offered me to move out and go back to my hometown. i said no, because i didn’t want to go, i liked it here and i liked the fact that i had my private space and could explore a city that i wasn’t familiar with before coming here. she begged me to stay here because she would not have known what to do with the rent. and since we pay it in half, she would have to pay the full rent until a new person was found if i left. so i stayed for me and for HER.

two more years passed by, and i’m in a very similar situation right now. i haven’t gotten any luck with finding a new job. it’s a struggle. and what does she do this time? she tells me “this is the last month you’re living here if you can’t get a job”. and it’s not on me if nobody is interested in calling me for an interview, right? 11 applications, but 0 calls. am i at fault here? no. so now she basically threatens me with kicking me out?? no problem, i’m packing my bags day by day, because this is not what i want anymore. yes, starting life in a different location was always exciting, but i’ve gotten sick of it. i miss my family. i miss my home. and it doesn’t matter if i have gotten used to this city, this apartment, this lifestyle, i just feel like i don’t belong here anymore. my gut is telling me “go, you’ll be better off back HOME” and i cannot keep ignoring it.

i also just had her talk about me in the kitchen like i’m not home or can’t hear her. and what i hate the most is that she never talks to me about any issue eye to eye. it’s always behind my back or through the texts. if you are that unsatisfied with how things are going for me and how my mental health is, talk to me in person. no friend goes around and talks about their friend who’s so close to them behind their back. this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful.

so, i have been gathering my things and i am getting ready to move out. it’s time. and yes, i will have to start everything from zero, but if that’s what i feel like is best to do, i’m going to do it.

if you made it this far - thank you for your time. i just wanted to pour my emotions out and tell my beloved mutuals what i’ve been going through. thank you everyone 🤍

[number1mingyustan]

Bittersweet (epilogue)||k.mgyu + j.ww

Genre: neighbors to lovers, strangers to lovers, angst, smut

Warnings: fluff, they are sickeningly in L word, lowkey tension but they are so cute i can't

Summary: in which they all lived happily ever after

Word Count: 2.2k

series masterlist

_______________________________________________

Mingyu came home from university yesterday.

Of course, you're only finding out right now. Your name was just called so you could go up and receive your diploma. When you got up, eople cheered and clapped, but one voice was much louder than the rest.

You looked to the crowd and your heart rate picked up immediately. You could spot him even in the large pool of bodies. He towered over them and was cheering so obnoxiously loud. He was seated next to your family and even from a distance you could tell he was smiling.

You nearly tripped when you went to receive your diploma. Your heart continued to beat out your chest, he came to see you on your big day.

He's here. He's really here.

He's flown in plenty of times, Thanksgiving, winter break, spring break, but now he'll be home for the whole summer. And next time he leaves, you'll be going with him.

For the most part at least.

You're not going to the same school for university, however your schools are basically right across the street from one another. While you did love Mingyu, you didn't want to base your future entirely around him, especially when it came to your education. This way, you two could still be close while independently pursuing your own education.

The breaks he's visited for have been nice, but entirely too short. All the times he's come home it's been picnics, walks around the neighborhood and sneaky kisses.

When he came home from winter break, your families took a weekend trip up in a cabin to go skiing. He taught you how to snowboard and snuck into your bed to keep you warm every night.

When he came home most recently during spring break, he spent every single day with you. He took you on walks to the pond to feed the ducks and on midnight drives into the city.

It was always hard to say goodbye when he left, but you knew he'd be home again soon. He'd always come back to you.

You accept the printed document, heading back to your seat anxiously. He knows that you know he's here. Your heart swells when you think about him. You're restless in your seat for the remainder of the ceremony.

There still wasn't a label on your relationship. He knew you were his and that he was yours. And he made sure it was known even in university.

Obviously Mingyu caught the eye of many girls back at school, but he no longer entertained the attention he received. He was polite, but made sure it was known that he 'had a girl back at home.'

He never gave you any reason to worry or doubt. He called and texted as much as he could while he was away. You'd often fall asleep on FaceTime together while you studied together. You looked forward to the random texts you'd receive from him while he was bored in one of his classes.

For you, school was so different without Mingyu and the boys. You kept to yourself more, much like before you'd befriended the guys. You focused on your academics, but you were content with your life. Things were good and you were happy.

By the time spring had come around again you were still managing the baseball team. Mingyu was always the first to hear about how each game went and all about the freshman who was the new starting pitcher you teased was better than him.

When the ceremony finally ends you're quick to search through the crowd of people for him. It's loud and everyone around you is celebrating. However, his height makes him easy to find.

He spots you from a distance and smiles. You feel your chest swell with joy. You nearly jump into his arms and he accepts you with open arms.

"Hey kid," he beams, wrapping his arms around your frame tightly. "I missed you."

You swear you could cry right now.

"I missed you too," you say into his chest.

His heart is beating so fast, you can hear it. It's beating so fast it just might be in sync with yours.

"I'm so proud of you," he kisses your forehead.

You pull away from the hug, looking up at him. He looks down at you with pure love filling his eyes. He's staring at his entire world right now and she looks beautiful.

Your heart stops when he looks at you. You don't think you'll every fully get used to this feeling. You've been seeing his face, stared into those brown orbs millions of times over the years yet now, your stomach does cartwheels and it feels like you can't breathe.

It scares you, but you love it.

He finally lets you go so you can have a moment with the rest of your families. His mother hands you a bouquet of flowers she claims Mingyu picked out as they congratulate you. Your mom offers to go out for a celebratory dinner, but you politely decline and tell her you'd rather go home.

__

You and Mingyu were quick to rush upstairs into your room as soon as you got home. You jumped onto the bed where he joined you and held you close.

The two of you talk for a while, cuddled up against one another. You two lay at the top of your bed, his arm around yours as you both sit up against the pillows resting against your headboard.

"The boys are all coming back soon," he tells you as he plays with your fingers.

"Really?" you perk up.

He nods. "Yeah, Hoshi texted and said he's flying in today and I know Josh got back like two days ago. And everyone else has been and is continuing to come home this week. We'll all have to get together soon."

"Yeah," you cuddle into his chest. "That would be nice. I missed being with all of you guys."

He plants a kiss on your forehead. "I know, they all miss you too."

You look up at him, admiring the features of his face. He looks down at you, scrunching his nose as you stare at him. Staring at him for seconds felt like hours with how you got lost in him.

"What?" he asks.

"You still haven't cut your hair," you comment, allowing your fingers to comb through his curls.

"You told me you liked it long," he shrugs.

You smile. "I do, it looks so good on you."

He licks his lips. "Then I'll never cut my hair again, just for you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he smirks.

He doesn't break eye contact, not for a second. You begin to feel hot under his gaze. He's staring at you silently, admiring and taking in all your features. Fuck, he's so close to you.

Your stomach is twisting in knots. His lips are so pretty and kissible, so close. He's so fucking tempting. But he stops himself before anything can happen.

He can see the flicker of disappointment in your eyes, but you understand. He doesn't want anything to happen until you're officially together, he wants to do things the right way with you.

__

All the boys were finally home now and insisting everyone hang out. The groupchat decided on a barbeque at Hoshi's and a swim in the lake once it got dark.

It felt good to catch up with the boys. You hadn't talked to them as much as you did Mingyu while they were away at school.

Wonwoo even came to the function. There was no bad blood or anythgin, but you kept your distance. He did talk to you for a bit, told you about how school was going for him, even mentioned something about the girl he'd been seeing.

You were happy for him, truly. Didn't want to relish too much of the past, especially when you had a six foot pitching futre ahead of you. Wonwoo and Mingyu didn't really talk either, they managed to keep it cordial with no tension.

Life was good.

You couldn't complain about anything. You ate good food and shared laughs with your friends. They've become like another family to you, and for that you'll always be grateful. You're glad things still feel normal despite everything that's happened in the past.

You knew for sure you'd found your soulmates.

__

Mingyu's been taking pictures of you under the stars. You all walked to the park to look at the night sky, but you looked so pretty Mingyu couldn't help himself.

The night has settled down, aside from Dino and Minghao who seem to be chasing each other around the park.

You've finally come to join him, sitting down next to him on the blanket he has sprawled out on the grass.

"You cold?" he asks.

You shrug. "Not really"

He pulls off his jacket and wraps it around your body. "Yah, don't lie to me. You were shivering."

You giggle to yourself. "Thank you."

"Of course," he wraps his arms around your side, pulling you closer to him.

Your heartbeat is all kinds of abnormal right now. The night has become comfortably quiet, aside from the faint chatter and laughter of the other boys surrounding you.

You look up at the stars, admiring the view. The night sky is shining, stars illuminating the darkness above you. Your head lay on his shoulder and despite the beauty above him, the one beside his has all his attention.

He can taste the words on his tongue, all the things he wants to say to you. How you make him feel, how pretty you are, how much he loves you.

"Kid," he breathes out.

"Hmm?" you lift your head.

"I love you."

Your eyelids flutter at his sudden confession. You tilt your head so your eyes meet his.

"I love you too," you respond.

He smiles. "I know I told you this before, but I've felt this way about you since we were kids, before I could even understand what it was. And I've waited so many years to hear you say that, you've no idea how rewarding it is for me to hear that. However, I've waited too long for this,"

"For what?" you question.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks.

There's not a single trace of hesitation in your voice. "Yes."

He's smiling so hard right now. Years and years of pining. Girlfriends, boyfriends, meaningless hookups, and so much confusion. It's been frustrating, but it paid off. You're really his now, his girlfriend.

He'd held back so much with you. He didn't want to rush into anything without being ready, needed the security you deserve. Aside from the few stolen kisses from the other times he was home, he wanted to be on his best behaviour. He wasn't going to be like his old self, he wanted to put his best foot forward for you. You deserve it.

Last time he called you his girlfriend, you were 7 told told him 'ew.' But now? You can't wipe that smile off your face.

He's quick to kiss you, His hand lay on your cheek, thumb rubbing small circles as your lips move against one another. There's fireworks setting off in your body. His lips are soft and pillowy, filling your body with warmth.

You were intoxicating and he didn't want to stop. You were wearing strawberry chaptsick, he could taste the sweetness as he kissed you. You followed his movements like a mirror, kissing him back with just as much passion and love.

Your breathing turned shallow and you pressed your body closer against his. The heat of his breath agaisnt your lips was making a fire run rampant through your blood. Something fluttered in your stomach when he kissed you, it felt like you were floating.

You'd never been kissed like this before, not even by Mingyu himself.

And damn, did it feel good.

It's crazy how different it feels to kiss him now that you've come to terms with your feelings. Everything is so much mroe authentic and passionate.

He finally pulled away for breath, both of you panting softly with smiles that were hard to hide. He pecked your lips a few times before finally giving you space. Your head felt like it was spinning and you were sure you'd fall over if you stood up.

"Oh my gosh," you breathe out.

He licks his lips quickly. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of that."

You let out a breathy chuckle, allowed your head to fall back onto his shoulder. "Me either."

It felt like you were on cloud 9 and you never wanted to come down.

He laughs to himself before nudging you lightly with his shoulder. "You like-like me."

You scrunch your nose, pushing him lightly. "You idiot, we're way past that."

He pulls your entire body into his arms. "You like–like me!" he teases again.

"Geez Mingyu, how old are you?" you laugh.

"I'm just happy," he grins. "You make me happy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

_______________________________________________

aw we've finally reached the end!! i hope you all loved the story as much as i did. and if i ever feel so inclined (no guarantees) i might write a few bonus chapters/drabbles for you all . but i mostly wanted to thank you all for your love and support toward this story xx

-taglist- @knucklesdeepmingi @marksflute @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @heidilolx @listxn @misssugarlips @lizzylovesboo @haogyuslut @taestrwbrry @everyw0nu @luvthatleader-nim @luveveryonewoo @jakecaffe @xeezi @wasteitonserendipity @whyokoa @shapeofgyu @fixonbreakoff @notscoupy @boo-juns @superheros-and-others @mingkis-world @thesmolishbean @bobohumyonlyboo @deekayownsme

© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.

[all-risejd]

After Shine Part 1 (Damian Priest x OC) (Eventual The Judgment Day x OC)

Danika

June 16, 2018 - Dallas, Texas

She’d been back from Japan maybe five days, and was riding the uplifting high of being close enough to California she swore she could smell her momma's cooking. Tonight was going to be amazing, she could feel it in her bones, she wasn’t exactly sure why Cage had sent her on the road with his talent, when a group of them decided to work Ring of Honor, but she’d spent the last year touring with some of the most irritating bastards she’d ever met (she sort of loved it though). The move to New York almost two summers ago, alone and in the big city, had been disarming. She swore looking back she’d spent most of the first two months crying herself to sleep.

Danny Cage had been a friend of her fathers, sort of, and he’d ‘taken her in’ out of respect for how famous her dad really was. He hadn’t actually known what to do with an almost eighteen-year old girl who wasn’t at all interested in the limelight of the ring. It’s how she became an Influencer, she supposed, they traveled constantly, so she started a blog, and back then she could make little short stories with some of Cage’s younger talent. There was one man, Martinez, that she tended to stick close to. He was large and big, and just this side of dangerous, but he’d saved her ass more than once in Japan - she’d never forget the night he punched some handsy Englishman for copping a feel of her, when she’d come to collect them from a bar. 

The thing about Martinez was he didn’t want her around, not really. But she was always underfoot. She wanted him to win, he had the power and the drive, and fuck the charisma once he got stared in the ring - he was damn hard not to look at. The thing was, he was mean. And more often than not she suffered for her attempts at helping him, but there were days (sometimes even two in a row) where he would talk with her in Spanish about his home, about his familia, about who he wanted to be, and in turn she told him stories of her familia, of being adopted by a huge Latino family, and how lucky she was. Then there were rushed mornings, where she was tossing women (sometimes multiple) out of his hotel room, and running around doing last minute checks to see if he had anything, before corralling the still intoxicated, angry bull of a man toward the taxi.

“Hey, kid, you're dad’s on the phone!” Cage shouted, and motioned to his cell phone - her’s was dead.

“Thanks, Mr. Cage.” She hurried to him, around the pool, side stepping the large man in question who was drinking before ten in the morning, stretched out over a lounger, he shot her a smile, which made her blush. “Papi?” She said into the phone, a grin pulling at her face as the familiar noise of home sounded behind her.

“Hola, Danika, we are going to come tonight to the matches, Dominik wants to see you.” She smiled warmly, Cage was just going to love hosting the Mysterio familia. “How was Japan?” She launched into telling him all about the customs and their version of wrestling, and how she’d met Chris Jericho, and boy was he protective of her, she talked about the fashion and all the gifts she’d brought back for them, but mostly she asked about her younger sister Lainey, who Dominik had been visiting with while she’d been out of the country (six months in Japan was longer than she’d anticipated). 

“We are actually going to bring her with us tonight.” Danika’s heart soared damn near out of her chest. “And Cage has agreed, you need a vacation, so while we have custody of Delainey and are waiting to figure out what’s going to happen with your mom, you're coming home tonight.” She couldn’t help but grin even wider, after they talked a bit more, and she got off the phone, she wandered back to the pool, settling onto the lounge next to Martinez.

“¿Qué te tiene tan feliz, pequeña?”

She shot Martinez a look, she knew he knew English, probably more than he let on, she responded in kind, “Mi familia is coming to the show tonight, and I’m going home for a while afterward.” The man lowered his sunglasses to look her over, he shot her a toothy grin, it both unsettled her and made her want to vibrate out of her skin, “I might even miss you.” She admitted, after a long moment. 

May 21, 2020

Danika Wesson moved through her bedroom technically cleaning up, she’d finished her weekly list of projects from AEW’s Talent Development and had set up social media accounts for several new talents under him as well as worked with them to do their first videos and pictures. She herself had spent the day doing an unboxing of new Mysterio gear for YouTube. She had to have the whole bedroom cleaned and in top shape for the weekend because she was getting a weekend visit with Lainey. Now, with a pregnancy test clutched in her hand she was pulling all the laundry into her arms and headed for the bathroom she shared with Dom and Aalyah. Her room was still covered in more Mysterio merchandise than she would like, but she’d get over it. 

Living with the Mysterio’s had been… an adjustment in her youth. Now she was just the third kid in the second floor of the house who did laundry because it was Dom’s job to clean the bathroom and Aalyah’s job to vacuum their floor. “Dominik!” She called over her shoulder, Aalyah was mercifully in her bedroom ignoring them. Dominik appeared in his doorway, basketball shorts and a comfortable looking gray short sleeve shirt. “Help?” She gave him a curious look, he glanced at the maybe seven articles of clothing she was holding with a raised eyebrow. “I need your help, Dominik, in the bathroom.”

“Oh.” She watched as his eyes widened a bit, a mischievous smile on his face like he thought they were going to mess around (they were not doing anything remotely sexy with either Aalyah or Angie in the house, she had rules), then he was following behind her. She let him open the door, in their teen years they had spent a lot of time being fussed at for being in the bathroom together, and with old habits dying hard, Dominik immediately locked the door behind him as she tossed the laundry into her purple hamper. “So no period then.” He cocked his head to the side, looking down at Danika, who hadn’t really thought much about their height difference until recently. 

She cut her eyes at him, “Wow, Captain Obvious. Glad to see you have made it to the party.” She rolled her eyes, and stepped closer to him, “Do you really think I would risk moms wrath by sharing the bathroom with you otherwise.” She pinched his chest, above his left nipple, another holdover from their youth when they pushed boundaries of friendship often too far. Or at least Angie, their shared mother, had thought they were pushing boundaries back then, relatively speaking things had been pretty tame. Sharing food, Dominik reading to her while she was taking a bubble bath, tickling and shoving at each other, once they handcuffed themselves to each other, and there was a whole summer they spent reenacting scenes from Jackass.

Dominik snickered, “You could have just agreed. A nice yeah Dominik you're right I didn’t have my period this month would have been fine.” He had morphed his voice into something resembling a girl but it sounded more hilarious than accurate. 

“I don’t sound like that.” She huffed but grinned at him nonetheless, “And it’s been two months.”

“Well that’s a bit more serious than I thought.” He moved to sit on the sink, another thing Angie would have their asses for, sinks and counters were not made for butts. “Are you sure it’s not what happened when we were younger?” His voice was a bit worried now, “You went like five months without a period then had like… cyst or something.” Bless his heart, he was trying. 

She gave him an appraising look, “I mean I guess it could be but Dr. Keyes removed my right ovary and all that jazz.” She shrugged. “I have a test, figure we might as well do this now.” She brandished the test at him only for him to yank it out of her hand, he immediately tore into the box and started reading the instructions. Never let it be said Dominik didn’t love to know everything. “You gonna share with the class?” She pointed at the directions. 

“You just pee on the stick.” He shoved it back at her, “Once you do that, we just wait two minutes.”

She took the pregnancy test and narrowed her eyes at him. “I know we fucked multiple times but I dunno if I want you to hear me pee…” There was a bit of desperation edging into her voice. 

Dominik laughed, hard. “I can pee in the tub while you pee on the stick. We can pee together.”

“I hate you.” She snickered, “By all means pee in the tub, heathen.” She waited for Dominik to climb off the sink and slowly walk around her to head for the tub, he wrenched the shower open just as she pushed her yoga pants and underwear down. “How do you even…” She trailed off as she figured out how to hold the stick and not pee on her hand. Settling down over the toilet, pointedly facing away from Dom and the tub, she cleared her throat, “Together or whatever.”

It was weird. She was so relieved to drop the test in the sink and clean herself off, she closed tre toilet and sat on it, before pulling the test back into her hands, and folding her hands around it, protecting it from view, while Dom moved back to sit on the sink, his shorts back in place. “Two minutes.” He set the timer as he kicked his legs out looking like a much younger boy than the 23 year old man he was. 

“Two minutes.” She agreed, “So did you talk to Megan? Are you two gonna patch things up?”

“Negative ghost rider.” Dominik offered as he looked up toward the ceiling, “She uh, well she didn’t like me being on the road and she hated our friendship. Like how am I supposed to explain that my parents adopted you but you aren’t my sister when Aalyah introduces you as our sister to everyone.”

“Tough break, boo.” She offered almost sweetly. Megan and Dom had been on and off since they were in tenth grade. Danika was honestly happy to see her gone, not because she wanted to be Dominik’s girlfriend but because Megan had a tendency to make Dominik’s life hell. In fact Danika had only just managed to talk him out of marrying the monster the previous Christmas. 

“You get all your work done?” Dominik asked not so subtly to change the subject.

She let him have it, “You mean the unboxing for Rey and the stuff for AEW? Yeah. I got it finished.” She let out a long sigh, “I think Cody has more talent he wants me to fly out and meet.” She admitted, “So I can finish setting up the accounts and can finish getting everyone started on their socials, plus Cody wants me to do a series of soundbites for him.”

Dominik hummed, “You should have finished going to school for filmography.”

“Shoulda, woulda, coulda.” She hummed, impatiently, “How much longer?”

“Like a whole ‘nother minute.” Dominik turned his attention back to her, “Do you want kids?”

“That’s an odd question, considering we are sort of on a knife blade here.” Danika huffed, “I mean, yeah, I like the idea of kids, I don’t want kids that… I don’t want kids with someone who I’m not sure is going to be around, I don’t want a repeat of my childhood.”

Dominik was silent after that, contemplating what she had said, she would bet. He had wanted to be a dad since literally the third grade. His phone alarm went off, announcing they could look at the test, Danika didn’t move, her whole body was frozen, it felt like moving was impossible. Dominik, thankfully, grabbed the test from her folded hands. “Oh.” He whispered, before he climbed off the counter, and knelt in front of her, “Danika, am I someone who you think is always going to be around?”

She jerked the test out of his grasp and looked down, two pink lines. “Oh.” She let out a little giggle, “Well, Dominik, I think I made another one of your dreams come true.”

Dominik was silent again, “We don’t have to do this.” He cupped her face, “I want you to be happy too, we both know I’ve wanted kids since I was like seven, but…” He trailed off, “If you aren’t ready for this, then I’m not ready for this.” He assured her.

Before she could answer there was a harsh pounding on the door, “I have to pee!” Aalyah shouted.

“GO DOWNSTAIRS!” Dominik and Danika both screamed back at her.

“OH MY GOD, MOM, DOM AND DANI ARE IN THE BATHROOM TOGETHER!” 

“Dios, she gets older but does she get any more mature?” Danika hissed, but leaned into Dominik’s hands, “I want to have children with you, I’ll give you all the babies you want, I know we aren’t in love like that, but I do love you, unconditionally and forever. I know you won’t-”

“MOM!” Aalyah shouted, followed by, “MAMI!” 

“Dios.” Dominik grabbed the test and shoved it into his basketball shorts pocket, he hauled Danika to her feet, unlocked the bathroom door, and yanked it open to glare down at Aalyah, “Being the bratty little sister should end at eighteen.” He snapped, “We are both over eighteen, and can be in the bathroom alone or together if we wa-”

Angie had climbed to the second floor, and was looking between the three of them, “¿Qué son todos los gritos?”

“They were in the bathroom together, again, with the door locked.” Aalyah looked positively excited to say it aloud, Danika rolled her eyes violently from where she was hiding behind Dominik.

“Mom,” Dominik sighed, “I was helping Danika with something, yes it was in the bathroom, yes the door was locked, her belly ring got messed up, she lost the ball and we had to change it.” He offered unamused. “Now, if you could just move-'' He made to push around Aalyah, who pushed back, the jostling dislodged the pregnancy test which he hadn’t put into his pocket properly. 

Danika wanted to scream, she reached for the test at the same time Aalyah did, the younger girl snatching it out of her grasp, “OH MY GOD, YOU'RE PREGNANT!”

“Can we stop screaming?” Danika snapped, she grabbed the test and pulled it back.

Angie was talking in spanish far to fast for her to keep up with, but she caught the jist of it - Angie was bemoaning the fact that she’d let Rey talk her into adopting a street kid from the wrong side of San Diego, with a dash of the shame that Danika would bring to their name (although she largely used the Wesson last name publically, legally she had been adopted by the Mysterios, making her legal last name Gutiérrez). 

Dominik glared at Aalyah then looked directly at his mom, “Detener. Danika está embarazada de mi hijo.”

Angie looked for a moment like she’d been slapped, “You're child?” She clutched at her heart, “What?”

Dominik and Danika shared a look, with Danika shrugging her shoulders, Dominik had opened this can of worms so he could close it. “When Megan and I broke up I was heartbroken, Danika and I might have drank that bottle of tequila we told you we didn’t drink.” Her eyes widened, “And we uh, well…” He looked at Danika for support, she instead sent Jefe a text message, Rey would be home within the next few minutes, and she could tell this was going to be a fight the level of a Latino telenovela if the man didn’t come sooth his wife, quickly. “Look, before that we’d never had sex, and we’ve sort of messed around since then, but-”

“Eres hermano y hermana.” Angie looked close to tears.

“Legally, yes.” Danika agreed, “Biologically, no. We’ve tried to explain this to you multiple times. We don’t see each other as siblings, yes both of us look at Aalyah like our little sister, but Mom, we are best friends.”

Angie shook her head, “Tendrás que casarte ahora.” 

The front door opened and closed, downstairs, the alarm system pinged to let them know. “We are not getting married.” Dominik countered, irritated. “It’s not happening, we aren’t in love.” Dominik snapped, his voice going hard, “We are never going to get married.”

“Hey, now, we have an agreement about your fortieth birthday.” Danika wiggled her eyebrows at him, “If you haven’t gotten married by the time you're forty and I’m thirty-eight we will get married.”

Rey snickered as he joined them, “I remember this agreement, you two signed it in crayons.” 

Dominik looked between his father and Danika, “Ok, well, we aren’t getting married right now.”

“Why would you get married, mi hijo?” Rey looked perplexed.

Seriously, it was a wonder to Danika that they didn’t have a WWE themed reality television show. 

Aalyah chose that moment to cackle, “Because Dominik got her pregnant.”

There was a long stretch of Rey’s eyes darting between Dominik and Danika, with Angie sniffling to herself, and Aalyah pitched forward in a way that suggested she wished she had popcorn. Finally Rey cleared his throat, “What are we doing about this?”

“We hadn’t decided yet.” Dominik cleared his throat, “We were talking about our options and what we wanted to do when Aalyah started being her usual bratty self, and caused this whole argument.” Dominik explained, exasperated. 

Rey hummed, “Danika, cariño, what do you want to do?” 

“Jefe, I would like Dominik and I to talk about it privately, once we have a decision we will let you all know.” She cast her glance to Aalyah, “That’s my shirt, asshole, give it back.” 

“You’ll be too fat to wear it.” Aalyah sang as she walked back to her room.

“I thought you had to go to the bathroom!” Dominik snapped after her.

Aalyah cackled, “I never had to pee, I just heard you two talking in the bathroom and knew the door would be locked.” 

“Oh, you little-” Danika made to give chase, but Dominik caught her around her middle.

“Not so fast,” He tutted, “You're carrying my child, and I don’t want the little bean to inherit whatever ridiculous gene it is that makes you and Aalyah act like children all the time.”

“That’s rich.” Rey huffed, “You usually start their little fights.” Rey looked pointedly at Dominik, then at Angie, “We will support their choice, mi esposa, let them make it.” He took her arm and started to steer her down the stairs, “I will say, if you are going to give us grandchildren, at least let us do something Catholic for their birth.” With that Rey headed them down the stairs.

Danika growled under her breath, “Come on.” She tugged him back into the bathroom, and locked the door. She reclaimed her seat on the toilet, and motioned for him to kneel before her again, “Alright, take two.” 

He snickered, “Danika Wesson Gutiérrez, my best friend, my soulmate, my hero, and my ride or die, would you do me the honor of having my baby?”

She burst out laughing, unable to hold it in, she laughed until she felt the tears start on her cheeks, “If you ever propose to anyone let me write the script for you, boo.” She giggled, “Alright, let’s do this, we’ve always been good together, you are my knight in shining armor, I mean you did ride across San Diego to the scary part of town to rescue me, and you punched that guy in ninth grade who told me I couldn’t be a Gutiérrez because I wasn’t Mexican, and you-” 

He cut her off with a chaste kiss, just a press of their lips together, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” She nodded her head, their noses bumping, “Dominik, I’d be no one without you, I’ve always wanted to have kids, and if I were going to accidentally get pregnant, I am so glad it’s with you. Cause come hell or high water, as Uncle Adam says, we are always going to have each other's backs.” She nuzzled his nose, “Now aren’t you meant to be packing for SmackDown?”

He rolled his eyes, but stood, ruffling her red hair as he went. The both spilled back out of the bathroom, pushing at each other and laughing, until Dominik veered off into his room, no doubt to actually pack up for his and Rey’s upcoming flight. She headed back to her room, and gazed around the piles of Mysterio merchandise. Her life with the Mysterio’s might be a rollercoaster, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. She ran her hand over her flat stomach, mostly to reassure herself that there was a little baby growing in there. 

Dominik had promised her adventures, when he came to rescue her on his bike when they were eleven and thirteen (with Dominik being the older one), and he’d yet to disappoint. 

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

hiiiii lu beloved <3 6, 20 + 37 :3!

HIIII ATLAS ILY

6. A song that reminds you of a place you’ve been

ok this is probably weird but I literally have a playlist named after the Anchorage AK airport because I spent a NOT insignificant part of my childhood there (I grew up in AK until I was 16 and most of my extended family is from the Midwest so we flew a LOT when I was a kid). one of the songs I listened to a LOT while sitting at gates under big windows in the middle of the night, waiting for redeye flights, was Run by Addison Road so now I always associate it with ANC and the weird, dreamlike feeling of being there as a kid

20. A song that you’ve listened to on repeat recently

I've had City In A Garden on loop pretty much since my 2ourdust show bc a girl there traded bracelets with me and she have me an "I ❤️ u Chicago" one so every time I see it I get the song stuck in my head and it's SO good like wough I forget how good Lake Effect Kid EP is but it goes SO HARD.

37. A song that helped you through a difficult time in your life

I promise I don't rb music ask games just as an excuse to talk about FOB on main but genuinely Fake Out. all of SM(F)S but especially Fake Out. my brother and sister in law are my best friends, pretty much, and they moved away at the end of last summer and I cannot tell you how many times I listened to Fake Out on loop, laying on the kitchen floor and crying the night before we sent them off. I think if I looked back at my Spotify Wrapped that would probably show up as the day with the most listens lol.

but really... my pinned post over here is "the window was already open" bc the "but" in Fake Out is SO important to me. like I'm such a pessimist by nature, to hear "buried alive inside my dreams, BUT" is so important. bc that's what the inside of my brain is like. everything seems awful and downtrodden and depressing but that ISN'T THE END. there's a but and it's not the truth! my perceptions, my negativity, are not the truth!! there's a but and the window was already open!

[luk4695]

tw vent.

have you ever found yourself at a time in your life, where you should be resting and preparing for the future, but you just can't. I felt exhausted and burned out back in May, when college ended. I've had 2 months of vacation already, and have 2 more months ahead of me. I'm lucky enough to not have to work this summer. I thought I'd make the most out of my time. and yet here I am.

on most days, I'm fine. however, that feeling of "fine" is as stable as a horse without its fucking legs. I'm a fucking kid trusted with adult responsibilities like voting and driving, and good thing I have my antidepressants because I would be doomed otherwise. even with antidepressants I'm a mess. the smallest of things can trigger me. oh, I had a hard time driving this morning, guess I have to spend at least half an hour in bed doing nothing to recover, sorry ! and also now I'm too mentally drained to pretend I'm fine. oh sorry you coughed too loud or you were arguing about not receiving your mail so now I have to shutdown mentally. the lights in the supermarket are too strong but I really want to buy stuff so im going to go anyway and then be surprised I'm overwhelmed. sorry the dog is crying too loud. why are you trying to make small take while I'm driving and desperately trying to keep us alive? stop eating food that's been spoiled for a month. stop laughing at my food anxiety. stop deadnaming me when you think I can't hear. stop talking. I want to stay in my bed all day but I'm restless. I feel disgusting but I'm too tired to get myself in the shower. I try to take care of my piercings but I feel like I'm doing a shit job at it. my earphones aren't working right. I want to cry but I've squeezed all the tears out of my body I guess. I spent 2 hours vacuuming and mopping the floors but now my dog has her period. the trash stinks. dishes are piling up. the vape fumes are sticking everywhere. at least I'm alive. at least I did stuff. but it never feels enough. or it feels like I didn't do it good enough. there are people in my live which I love but I don't have the energy rn to be with. I'd be an asshole to them. I need to sort myself out but I have no idea how.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. just getting my antidepressants prescription renewed. I hope the tears will come then. I hope I'll be able to tell someone. anyone. how tired I am.

it's so weird. I'm not at rock bottom anymore. I'm good a lot of the time, but I have moments in the day where I'm just so tired. how am I supposed to go to uni next year? how am I supposed to prepare to study abroad? how am I supposed to learn Spanish on my own? how am I supposed to work a summer job next year? how am I supposed to act cis and straight around most of my family for the foreseeable future? how am I supposed to function in this world, when cleaning my room for an hour is enough to exhaust me? when it's enough to put me out of service for the rest of the day?

meh I'll figure it out I'm sure

[kristennichole96]

Only have eyes for you

You were the new girl coming to Hawkins this year and of course you were no stranger to being the new girl, or Hawkins, for that matter. You spent your winter and summer breaks in Hawkins spending time with your cousin Dustin Henderson and your aunt. Most of your life was composed of moving from town to town making it hard for you to make friends. Coming to Hawkins during your visits you got to bond with your cousin and his friends and feel like a normal kid for once. Such warm happy memories of this place is what you cling dearly to trying to settle your nerves. Today is your first day back in Hawkins sense you were twelve, you’re seventeen now, and feel like an outcast coming into a school of lifelong friendships and social click pyramids you were sure to fit at the bottom of. There is nothing more you want just to fly under the radar , to not be noticed until the next move, but that won’t be coming. The courts granted your aunt temporary custody of you until your eighteenth birthday so you were stuck in Hawkins like it or not.

(Time jump 6 months) You had never been happier in your life. Friends and family surrounded you, you had a support system, your grades were thriving and you were overwhelmed with joy to have been forced into your move to Hawkins. Being a senior in high school your days , not in school, our spent with your friends and for once in your life you finally have some. This particular evening you’re standing outside of your school with your friend Robin Buckley smoking a cigarette as you wait on the rest of your friends to find their ways to you as the school bell rang. “ Soooo you gunna tell ehm this time” Robin almost sang to you with a shit eating grin spread across her face. “ No I don’t want to get rejected, plus it’ll make things so awkward” you say ashing your cigarette on the bottom of your shoe. “ There is no way he would reject you , he’s constantly flirting with you MAKE YOUR MOVE GIRL” Robin says as she spots your friends Nancy, Steve and Max heading in your direction and dead’s the conversation. You scan beyond your friends searching for Eddie. The two of you made plans to smoke and chill after school which may not have been a huge deal to Eddie but to you it was. You have had the biggest crush on Eddie Munson sense you returned to Hawkins and you didn’t have the courage to tell him. You scan the faces of the passing by students until you find who you’re looking for. Wild Brown curls, black ripped denim jeans and his signature Dio vest,Eddie was a god,and that boy had no clue. Just then you noticed accompanying your friend Eddie is the Head cheerleader of the school ,little miss perfect Chrissy Cunningham, walking towards the tree-line behind the school . Eddie doesn’t notice you and you feel really hurt and stupid as you watched them fade into the tree line . You knew deep down girls like chrissy wouldn’t be got caught dead dating Eddie and that more than likely this was just a weed pickup but you cant help but have noticed how he held her by the small of her back and looked at her the way you wanted him to see you. Do you stay and wait in you and Chrissy or just go home ?You turn to Steve and ask for a ride home. “ what about Eddie??!” Robin insists.” I’ve just seen him and he seemed pretty preoccupied, I’m sure he forgot our plans if not he’ll find something better to do “ tears well in your eyes and you feel like such an idiot . Here you are crying over some guy and trying to play it’s so casual, your friends silently try to piece things together trying to avoid asking you why you were tearing up.

Steve’s car smells nice like men’s cologne and minty fresh pine. You take a deep breath from the passenger seat as you slowly open your wet , stinging eyes you notice Eddie and Chrissy exiting the woods heading in the opposite directions. Eddie heads towards your friends who somberly watched Steve drive you away. You wondered if Robin would say anything to Eddie, she’s the only one who would know what’s going on in my head , and you knew the girl wasn’t capable of a secret. Steve pulled up to your house and made sure you made it inside safely and you spent your night getting ridiculously stoned on your own and watching your comfort movie , Jeepers creepers,. The next day you woke up early to make yourself look as good as you can for Eddie . You thought about what you would say if he asked you why you bailed on him or if Robin opened her overly helpful mouth I could be in for a shitty day. You’re able to avoid Eddie and honestly most of your friends today just out sheer businesses and luck but now it’s lunchtime and you can’t avoid your friends any longer it was time to face the music. You walk into the crowded cafeteria grabbing a turkey sub and a chocolate milk and head over your lunch table . You squeeze between Eddie and Robin in your usual spot and conversation picks up normally and all of your fears began to subside. That’s when Eddie turns to you asks “ So why did you ditch me yesterday ?” You look at Eddie, trying to not to cry,” You seemed busy after school, I figured maybe you forgot”. Eddie stares as you for a second with and almost blank expression before leaning in to your neck and whispering “ was my girl a little jealous? “ You hate that he’s asking you if you’re jealous of Chrissy how dare he , ovcourse you were but you wouldn’t help but soak your as he called you “his girl.l” Eddie had always been flirtatious with you but you just consider it his personality and don’t read much into it but today it has your head spinning.” I can’t compete with a girl like that for your attention and I’m sorry I ditched you I guess I overreacted “ You blurt out just loudly enough for Edie to hear. The slightest bit of flirting from Eddie and you were throwing yours elf under the bud admitting my jealousy and childish attitude and I knew I would be in for especially when Eddie said he would be getting a redo on our smoke session tonight and didn’t acknowledge anything else you said.

The rest of the school day flew by and you felt sick to your stomach. You thought about playing the sick card but you knew Eddie wouldn’t buy it. When you exit the school building you spot Eddie leaned cup again his van lighting a cigarette and your heart wants to jump out of your chest and run , You freeze for a moment, suddenly you’re standing face to face with him and wondering how you got to him so fast , and why were you so nervous Eddie’s your friend technically he never acknowledged your comments about “ being jealous of Chrissy”. As far as you knew Robin had not spilled the beans either so this night had to the potential to go normally. “Decided not to stand me up again?” Eddie smirked down at you opening the passenger door for you as you hopped in. “ Well you didn’t have your hands QUITE so full today , I figured you could spare me some time”you replied to Eddie smiling and he buckles you in and hops into the drivers seat. The drive to Eddies trailer park goes by faster than you would have liked and you can hear your heart beat as he’s unlocking his front door for you two. “Wayne’s working tonight so it’s just us” Eddies wasted no time already rolling a blunt for the two of you to share as you leaned agent’s the countertop watching the way his muscles in his forearms flexed as he rolled and ground the bud. You pictured those same arms spreading your legs apart and devouring you. You press your legs tightly together looking for some friction, hoping Eddie doesn’t notice this , but he does.” Let’s smoke this in my room with the windows open, Wayne will kill me if stink up the trailer.” Eddie leads you back to his room and starts opening the windows above his unmaid twin sized bed. His room was a disaster, clothes and towels lined the floor and dressers and nightstands covered with dishes , cigarette butts, beer, food junk nonetheless. All you could really focus on though was the fact that you were now climbing into bed with your Best friend and Crush and you can feel your heartbeat and feel your sweat beading uncomfortably in your hairline. Your faces were dangerously close as he hands you the lit blunt you take a long drag and blow your smoke to the window using the time as an excuse to break eye contacts with Eddie who eyes had just been borrowed into your soul. As you turn back to Ed he’s still staring at you like a man starved. You hand Eddie the blunt and he takes a hit finally taking his eyes off of you and you felt extremely nervous. Eddie takes another drag from the blunt casually placing his hand on your thigh and begins rubbing the skin as he hands you back the blunt. You take a hit closing your eyes preparing yourself for what coming. When you open your eyes Eddie is going in for it. You attach lips kissing briefly before he makes his way to your neck and jaw line . When a soft moan escapes your lips your eyes shoot open out of embarrassment and you hand Eddie the blunt. “That was fucking hot , so responsive for me “ Eddie takes a final drag of the blunt and starts to laugh to himself “ care to share whats so funny Ed’s “ Eddie looked up at you while making his way back to your neck “ I just figured if you’re so jealous I could mark you up let everyone know who you belong too.” You’re internally freaking out “ belong too” you’re not complaining but you guys had always just been friends? Still you couldn’t deny how wet he had you.” Mark me and make me yours “ you say to Eddie between kisses and he wastes no time giving you what you want. Eddy bites and sucks into your neck working on hickey eagerly. Each bite on the sensitive bruise would elicit such sweet moans from you Eddie found himself rutting his hips into yours while you ground against his erection through hi jeans. Eddie reaches under your hips and slides off your skirt,leaving you your tank too and underwear, he rips you panties off with ease. “ Are you staying dressed?” You say almost under your breath due to your embarrassment. Eddie only smiles and begins removing his shirt and jeans and shoes while you slide your tank top off.

[1d1195]

SAMMMMMMMMM I CANTTTTTTTT !!!!! i read the protection blurb🥹🥹🥹 i’m literally about to cry they’re ADORABLEEEEE whew😮‍💨😮‍💨 i was cheesing sooooo hard the whole time I CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY WROTE A BLURB YOURE AMAZINGGGG AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH

i saw your post apologizing for the next part of Most👀….yea i think ima stay away for a littleeee bit longer HAHAHAHA i hate lauren🙄 (idk her)

IM ACTUALLY GOING ON A TRIP !! in the first week of august im traveling to see my sister and some other family (only excited to see my sister tho lmao) and that’s gonna be fun hopefully. not quite sure how long i’m staying but whtvr (i take back what i said, i wanna binge-read Most on the plane and then stress out abt the posting from a different timezone)

i have a new song! (it’s actually old ((and a cover)) but who cares) “Dance Me to the End of Love” The Civil Wars has been on repeat omg. i actually have this whole montage in my head that plays when i hear it of a tv couple and one of them is dying and this is playing in the background while the scene goes from their happy flashbacks to the present AHHH HANDJEIE THATS SO SPECIFIC IDK BUT DO YOU GET IT ?

“You Are In Love” BY TAYLOR SWIFT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MACY AND ELLIOT CODED IM SCREAMINGGGGGG !!!! that’s always been one of my all time favorite taylor songs bc it’s just so lovey dovey so ofccc but i just heard it again after reading love & other words and holyyyyyy ugh i almost cried😭😭 i meannnn “one night, he wakes, strange look on his face, pauses then says, you’re my best friend, and you knew what it was, he is in love” AFHKJEAGFOUEHJFL AND THE WHOLE BRIDGE ??? ITS SO THEM anyway, im still completely in love with that story n i think of them a lot (im trying to persuade my sister to read it, she’s being difficult)

IT. HAS. BEEN. STORMING. FOREVER. i kid you not we spent WELL over a week where it was raining and gloomy and gray nonstop BUT IT WAS STILL HOT. its sunny again now though and i am living purely off of iced coffee LMAO

LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOWS IT GOING ??? HOPE YOURE DOING AMAZING MWAH <333

~🎶

Of course! your inspo was such a good idea! I love to make Harry sound dramatic about safety and of course there's no better Harry than the one I wrote in Protection. 💕

That's awesome you're going on a trip and you get to see your sister! I'm sure that will be really happy and exciting. A no return date is so cool. I wish I could have that part of your life for sure 💕 My entire life is scheduled to the minute lol. I think by the time you are on the plane and in a different time zone you won't be stressing too much about Most hehehehe. I think most of the frustrating scenes and parts are all done (but we'll see what I come up with for the remaining parts)

What a beautiful song 😭 my favorite lyric is in the first verse "lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove" I TOTALLY see what you're saying about the TV montage. That's how I envision songs and see stories as well. Thank you for telling me about it! I have a couple songs I've also been listening to that are older. Go Solo - Tom Rosenthal, Where's My Love - SYML, and Acoustic - Billy Raffoul (the lyrics for this last one are a bit spicy but it sounds so innocent I didn't notice the lyrics when I first heard it on TV)

It's not a book for everyone! My sister didn't like it because she didn't like that she was engaged. Which I think makes me toxic because I didn't even CARE. I love Macy and Elliot. I think about them 20 times a day. Specifically the part where he calls her honey toward the end and consoles her. I'm a sucker for the comfort trope. But you're right, You Are In Love is about them.

It finally cooled down this past week (it's supposed to heat up again though). I'm doing well. This is the last week of summer school. Can't wait to be done with it. I read a trashy book this weekend and I'm hopeful I'll read another one this week. But I wrote Part 4, 5, and I'm working on 6 of Most so I've been doing literature things but I should be reading more. I need less screen time hahaha. I also watched Maxton Hall and I know it's probably a little young for me, but the enemies to lovers is my weakness.

There is nothing wrong with living off iced coffee 😉 Hope you have a good day! Do you have to pack a lot for an undetermined trip length? I think I would explode trying to pack for that 😭 how do you do it?

LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo

[amana-tells]

Entry 4

The summer I turned pretty felt like the weight of five men and their horses had been lifted off my skinny back. I stared long and hard at my reflection in the full-body mirror every day for a week, not out of vanity but out of disbelief. The feeling wasn’t happiness, and nothing in my appearance had really changed. That summer, I had an epiphany: many things changed while remaining exactly the same.

Growing up, I was weird, lanky, socially awkward, and not very "pretty." I felt like nobody's first choice, a passing thought at best. Not even I liked me; I’d find a million reasons why I was undeserving: stretch marks, hyperpigmentation, scars and dark spots, bad posture, a living skeleton impersonating a girl. So even when boys did like me, I never believed it. How could anyone like me when I was so flawed and awkwardly unbearable? These thoughts and self-loathing grew deeper, and I carried them like a cross throughout my preteen and teenage years. At fifteen, I knew something was wrong; I felt heavy, and life was crushing me. I had no one to talk to. I tried talking to my family but got brushed aside. A stressed-out, mentally ill teen isn’t something most Caribbean households think is possible. At sixteen, I was dragging my feet, with thoughts of suicide recurring daily. School was an escape from my neglectful household, but it was hard laughing and pretending life was fun. At 3:30 p.m., I’d be alone again, left to the irritating and disturbing thoughts that plagued my waking hours.

At seventeen, my panic attacks were frequent, and now my mother knew. After years of saying, “I’m not okay” and going unheard, she now knew. The tremors that racked my body and my hands that shook, clenching and unclenching, grasping at nothing, as she stood in my door frame with a look I’d never seen before: fear. I would have laughed if I knew how to breathe air in that moment, maybe given a defiant sneer if my heart didn’t feel like it would explode. I wished it would sometimes; I’d wish each panic attack would be my last. But this isn’t about her or the events that took place in the arc of 17.

To move the story to where it needs to be, I’ll tell you about the summer I finished high school. My future had never looked brighter. I had been accepted into seven universities and made my parents proud. I felt real accomplishment for the first time in my life. I was headed for Canada, where I’d study for the next three years, then intern at a publishing firm and hopefully land my dream job. I’d find the will to live once I was there, once I was close enough to touching the reality I’d envisioned. But it didn’t happen. Life sounded like the drop of your favorite mug hitting the floor. I was no stranger to disappointment. This was just another blow, a heavier one. Life wasn’t fun,I wasn’t grateful for it; it was messed up and ugly, reflecting me.

I moved onto the UWI campus a week before classes started, with little recovery time from the punch to the gut I was dealt. The summer I turned pretty, I was 20 and on summer break after fighting to finish my first year of university. I spent the first semester crying weekly and stressing, not making friends, and being too deep in depression the second semester to even care about my grades. The universe must have pitied me because it sent me amazing people who accepted me despite my pessimistic views.

That summer, my cousin came from Canada, and she was a joy to be around. But my mother ruined those feelings of joy. She got into it with everyone and said words to me that I’d never forget, words no mother should say to a daughter. That summer, I was consoled and pitied by my cousins. I spent a lot of time around women I admire, hearing their stories, seeing their flaws. I saw traces of myself in them. They didn’t wear it like I did, and staring at them, I could only see beauty. Staring at them healed a neglected part of me. I spent two weeks unlearning my dissatisfaction with my imperfection.

When I returned home after saying my goodbyes, I stared at my reflection long and hard. Though nothing had changed physically, I felt as if I was just seeing myself for the first time. Nothing had changed except my eyes. The windows to my soul that had been clouded were now clear. That summer, I felt weightless for a fraction of a second. Reality is always harsh, and though I could now see myself, I could also see the impenetrable wall of sadness that shrouded me. That summer, I discerned I was but a sad little girl yearning to be a realized woman.

[cravefiction]

Yellow Footprints

A young woman with shoulder length, sand-colored curls lay entwined in her lover's arms, a thin top sheet the only thing covering their bare bodies. With her left pointer finger, she traced a faded black and white tattoo on her lover's forearm. The Greek letters spelled out the Latin phrase 'Semper Fidelis,' which Dan had once told her meant 'Always Faithful.' Goosebumps erupted in the wake of her touch, and Dan shifted in his place behind her.

"What are you thinking about?"

He always knew when something was on her mind, and he never failed to ask after her thoughts. It was a stark contrast to her last lover, who had little care for her feelings, even when she was crying in front of him. The difference was jarring, and for a reason unknown to the young woman, she found it difficult to confide her true thoughts in Dan. It might have been the intimidating aura he gave off, or maybe it was their significant age difference that made her worry he would find her childish. Whatever the reason, Allison usually would end up telling him an edited version of her thoughts or blurting out something nonsensical and embarrassing.

"Nothing, really."

A blatant lie. Her head was so full of thoughts, she thought they might consume her. That wasn't new to Allison, and she had long convinced herself that Dan wouldn't want to be burdened with the truth of her storm-blown mind. Silence followed her lie. She ignored the little voice in the back of her mind that hoped Dan would press her for the truth. He didn't. As he settled against her back and drifted off, she shoved down her disappointment, both in him, and herself. Instead, she lay awake, and let herself spiral into her ever present anxieties.

The present semester had started a few months ago. Desperate to meet her family's expectations (namely her mother's), she had changed her major for the third time, hoping this one might inspire her to stick with classes. It hadn't. With half the semester left to go, she was already failing three out of her four classes. No matter what she did, Allison couldn't bring herself to attend classes past the first few weeks. They bored her, and the pile of homework was so overwhelming, it made a terrible feeling she couldn't name claw at her throat. She had struggled with school since sixth grade, failing enough classes to require summer school twice. With each failure, her confidence dropped until she became convinced she was just stupid. Her parents thought she was lazy. They became increasingly furious with what they considered her lackluster effort until one day, they blew up. Her father later said it was supposed to motivate her to pass. She'd made it through high school by the skin of her teeth. Now in college, his words had haunted her along with every failure.

If you don't pass your classes and at least get your diploma, you'll end up with no way to support yourself except as a prostitute! Is that what you want?

Almost four years later, when others from her class were just a few months away from earning their degrees, Allison had a grand total of nine credits and a score of incompletes. It made her want to scream and toss all her books out of her car window, but she was desperate not to disappoint her parents. So, she kept going, finding the time for classes in between her forty, sometimes fifty-hour work weeks at Turkey Hill.

The convenience store had been a much-needed escape from her tumultuous home life for the last three years. She worked hard and took on as many extra shifts as she could, so that she wouldn't have to go home until her family was asleep. Since she started getting serious with Dan, she spent most evenings in his bed, only going home to wash clothes. Unfortunately, she had secured a job for her ex-boyfriend at Turkey Hill after they had broken up. From a place of refuge, her job became another source of stress.

With a sigh, Allison forced her thoughts away from the man who had caused her nothing but pain and turned her thoughts to the one pressed against her back. She looked down at the arm wrapped around her waist, eyes tracing over the tattoo again. The words were Dan's tribute to his years in the Marine Corps. The way he reminisced with fondness about his former comrades, deployments, and the ridiculous and often dangerous shenanigans he got into as a young Marine sent an unfamiliar shiver of excitement through her. He had done and seen so much. Was that the reason for his quiet confidence and intimidating air? Would she be able to do amazing things? Could she also learn to feel comfortable in her own skin?

Then, the image of her mother's face, drawn, with once bright blue eyes listless and her lips stuck in a permanent reflection of her grief, rose in her head to combat the hopeful thoughts. At the tender age of three, Allison had watched as the paramedics rushed mommy to the ER to stitch up the bloody, too-deep lines carved down the length of both her arms. Her father dropped her off at the babysitters with little word of comfort or explanation of what was happening. Several other children played on the wooden play set in the backyard without a care in the world. She sat alone on the top deck of the pretend pirate ship, waiting with dread for daddy to come back and tell her that mommy was gone. She didn't cry. Couldn't. There was a strange hollowness in her chest that she'd never felt before, blocking the tears from coming. While the other children ran about the yard, fighting imaginary enemies with play swords, little Allison wondered what she had done to make her mother so sad that she hurt herself. All she had wanted was for mommy to unlock the door and play with her. That day, she promised to be a better daughter, to make her mom happy so she would never have to hurt herself again. Since then, she'd done whatever she could to keep Kelly from slipping back into that darkest of places, even if that meant keeping her own feelings locked away.

How could Allison even think of leaving? How could she be that selfish? And who would take care of mom if she left? Her brothers and father weren't up to the task, and Angie, her mom's new girlfriend, was too new to the family to be burdened with it. No. Joining the military was nothing but a selfish, fleeting thought that needed to be buried and forgotten.

For months, Allison thought of nothing but school, work, and her mom. Her relationship with Dan didn't last long, giving her another reason to put the Marines out of her mind. No matter how hard she tried, however, the idea pricked at the back of her mind again and again. Like the needles of a tattoo gun carving a picture into her skin, the image of herself in that tan camo uniform, hair pulled tight into a sleek bun, and sleeves rolled and pressed with a perfect edge, was inked into her skull.

She distracted herself with another lover, a man twice her age with four fire-haired children. He showered her with compliments, always reminding her of how beautiful or smart he thought she was. She almost believed it, wanted him to be right more than anything. He made her feel wanted. She adored the two youngest children, and the relationship between Chris and his teenage daughter had eerie parallels to her own relationship with her parents. The girl, who was only a few years younger than her, went back and forth between keeping her feelings locked away, to lashing out at her dad, who she blamed for their mother leaving. Chris responded in kind by coming down hard on his oldest child, treating the smallest of mistakes like they would ruin the girl's entire future. If Chris had some perspective from someone closer to his daughter's age, maybe she could help their relationship heal. It was selfish of Allison to dream of leaving everything behind when there were so many people she could help here.

But the dream persisted until the almost twenty-two-year-old couldn't ignore it any longer.

She had been sitting in the school cafeteria one morning with her laptop when it finally happened. She was supposed to be in Sociology (a class she detested almost as much as its teacher), but Allison was instead reading through every page of the Marines website: from the history of the corps to what boot camp would be like, to the hundreds of different jobs she could have. Once she navigated back to the home page, the stark white bold letters that read 'Request Information' were impossible to ignore. She gave in. It wouldn't hurt anyone just to learn more, right? If she talked to someone at the recruitment office, she could get the ridiculous idea out of her head. She would realize that military life wasn't for her and go on with her day.

Of course, that wasn't how it went at all.

A recruiter at the local office reached out to her within twenty-four hours. The next week, Allison sat in front of his desk, sorting a dozen little black rectangular tiles with words etched in white ink, arranging them from most important to least. Self-Confidence, Self-Discipline, and Self-Reliance found their way into the top three with little thought. Her manager at Turkey Hill, Ryan, had warned her that recruiters would spew whatever lies they could to convince Allison to sign her life away. She believed him. The marine corps was the smallest branch of the military, with the highest quotas and which met the most resistance from worried parents. Of course, recruiters would have to get creative.

Sergeant Wical was a handsome, charismatic man with a laugh that made you feel at ease. Experience taught her that men like that could lie with a grin on their face and think nothing of it, but she didn't need any pretty words or false promises from him. She had made her decision the moment her fingers brushed over the hopeful words etched into the cold ceramic tiles. What Allison wanted more than anything, in that insignificant moment in time, was to join the ranks of the few proud men and women who worked hard to earn the title of United States Marine. For the first time since she was a little girl who only knew how to want, Allison made a conscious choice, one that she knew might hurt people she loved, but that was wholly for herself.

That decision was the hardest of any to stand by. Almost as if the universe was challenging her resolve, it threw everything it could at her in the next few months to make the young woman change her mind. The most difficult was the revelation that her grandmother was suffering from late-stage throat cancer. Allison put her commitment to the Marines on hold as she traveled with Angie and her mother to visit her Grandma Grant, who they fondly called GG, in the nursing home. She sat at GG's bedside, trying not to choke on the smell of bleach, which failed to mask the noxious scent of vomit and urine. Her grandmother, who she remembered always having a bright grin on her face, turned to Allison with a pained grimace as she asked.

"How are you doing in school?"

Allison had bitten her lip, hesitant, but mustered up the courage to answer.

"I dropped out of college. I'm going to join the Marines."

     She had expected admonishment. Their family saw success as earning a degree and making good money. The military wasn't an option. Instead of scolding, or asking why, GG only cried. Allison watched the silent tears find their way through the deep lines of GG's face, dripping from her chin to the scratchy tan hospital blanket covering her lap with shock and a heap of shame. Never, in her almost twenty-two years of life, had she witnessed her GG cry.

Not when her grandkids knocked into one of her pain-ridden, sarcoid-covered legs.

Nor when Grandpa Gary disowned her mom for being married to a woman, and GG had watched from inside the car as Kelly and her grandkids got smaller and smaller as they drove away from the hotel they had met at.

Not even when Allison had lost her temper after being scolded for talking to her little cousin about her two mothers, screaming at GG that she was an awful person for shunning her daughter.

For her to make the older woman cry, she must have done something terrible. Guilt stuck in her throat, making it hard to breathe, and Allison rose from the chair and ran from the room before her mother or Angie could say a word.

For a few months after returning home, Allison avoided Sergeant Wical at all costs. All his calls went to voicemail. Emails and text messages went unread. They had made nothing official, so she had no obligation other than good manners to answer him, and the shame was still too fresh. What could she say to him? What excuse could she offer, other than she made her dying grandmother cry, that would justify her sudden choice to back out? He was practically a stranger. She wasn't about to tell him her sob story. He would give up in no time. There were plenty of other people desperate to get out of their dying, crime infested city.

She went back to school after a fourth (and final, she promised herself) change of major, determined to succeed this time. Everything was going right for once. Her high school boyfriend quit his job at Turkey Hill, so she didn't have to deal with him. She and her new boyfriend, Chris, were spending more and more time together. Her mom and Angie were talking about marriage.

Then she came home from work late one evening to her mother's wrenching sobs, echoing down the stairwell through her closed bedroom door. GG was gone. She had chosen, against everyone's pleas, to stop treatment and live out the rest of her days in the home she had built her life in.

At the service, everyone spoke of how generous she was, how she lived her life for others and in service to God. GG was the glue that held their family together, Aunt Patty said. The programs featured black and white pictures of one of her grandmother's paintings, and they had decorated the funeral home with them.

While her children, sisters and husband spoke of her generosity, sacrifice, and incredible strength, Allison couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if GG hadn't given up her career as a nurse to raise four children, or if she had dedicated more time to her beautiful paintings. Would Allison have been able to view one of her precious works of art in a museum? Or maybe she could have become the breadwinner for the family, with a long and fulfilling career at the local hospital. Allison would never know, because GG had put everyone before herself until her last days. It wasn't the wrong choice, but Allison at last understood it was the wrong choice for her. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life doing what would make everyone else happy, even if she hated it.  

Just days after the funeral, Allison walked into Sergeant Wical's office and apologized for blowing him off. She told him everything, about her grandmother's cancer and death, about her fear of disappointing her mother, or worse, not being there to pull her back from the edge. The young woman held her head high, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her sleeve, and met the recruiter's stare as she said, "There's nothing holding me back now. I'm ready. How soon can you get me sworn in?"

Sergeant Wical held her stare, looking for any sign of hesitation. When he found none, the amiable smile returned to his face as he answered.

"We can go through the paperwork today and get a drug test done. If that comes back negative, we can ship you up to MEPS to swear in next week. As long as you make it through the screening process up there, we'll be able to give you a date for when you'll be leaving for boot camp. Once you swear in, there's no backing out. Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes."

There was nothing but conviction in her answer. The following week, she rode for three intense hours to the processing station in Harrisburg with Sergeant Wical and two other soon-to-be recruits. He escorted them into the building and signed them in. He then turned to them; smile gone from his lips in favor of a stern expression as he gave them a last reminder.

"The job of everyone in this building is to weed out those who aren't fit to serve. Don't give them a reason to declare you unfit because it's difficult to appeal. Whatever it says on your paperwork, those are the answers you give to questions. If they catch you lying, you will be permanently barred from military service. They will put you under immense stress to get you to confess to anything you might be hiding, even threaten you with jail time. Don't let it scare you. When you're done, I'll meet you in the oath office."

The next few hours felt like a lifetime. They had arrived in Harrisburg just an hour after sunrise. By the time she made it through the grueling questions and terrifying threats and rejoined Sergeant Wical in the oath office, the sun had almost set. Allison knew she would fall asleep the moment her head hit the cold glass of the car window. The group was instructed to form four lines, facing an American flag hanging off one wall. A thrill swept through her veins, fighting off the settling weariness. Sergeant Wical stood at the front of the room, along with a handful of other recruiters, dressed in the signature pressed khaki blouse and royal blue trousers with the red blood stripe sewn along the length of the leg. The white vinyl caps with shining black brims were tucked under their arms.

Next to them, the oath officer explained the oath they were about to take, making them practice the words until every soon-to-be recruit could repeat the oath without stumbling. The officer called them to attention, and Allison snapped her eyes forward, arms tight against her sides with hands balled into fists, and brought her feet together, heels touching and toes pointed out in a V. Sergeant Wical had stressed before they left that morning when he taught them how to come into the position, not to lock out their knees. He would never let them live it down if any of them passed out. Allison took the advice to heart, keeping a slight bend in her knees as the oath officer instructed them to repeat after him, though with the way her heart was hammering against her chest, she might pass out anyway. Unable to shake her head to relieve the stress, Allison took a deep breath instead as she said her oath of enlistment.

"I, Allison Simmons, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."

It was done. The oath officer dismissed the group into the care of their respective recruiters, and Sergeant Wical let the amiable smile spread across his face as she and the two boys she came with approached him. He shook each of their hands and said,

"Congratulations, you are now official recruits of the United States Marine Corps. I'm proud to serve with you."

Her chest swelled, and joyful tears sprung in her eyes.

The month and a half before her ship date passed in the blink of an eye. Sergeant Wical and the other recruiters had kept her busy with grueling physical training. They ran miles through the forest in a line on Saturdays, passing a weighted baton back until it reached the last person, who then had to sprint to the front while trying not to trip over loose rocks or tree roots on the trail. She, who had always preferred music and sitting in a comfortable corner with a book, to things like sports, struggled to meet Sergeant Wical's high expectations, but she pushed through, determined to head to boot camp with the best possible advantage she could manage. 

 And so, here she was almost two months later, likely just minutes away from the goal she had longed for. Silvery rays from the moon filtered in through the bus windows as it made its way southeast, leaving the small town on the border of Georgia where her plane had landed, and across the wide expanse of South Carolina to the tiny island that would be her home for the next few months. The giant steel box and its driver were undeterred by the unlit, empty road, but a heavy, apprehensive silence oppressed its passengers. Around forty young men and women sat in pairs on the weathered leather seats. There was no way for the group to know their location, and yet they all seemed to sense that their destination was drawing near.

The group had filled the start of the ride with chatter. The recruits swapped stories of their childhood homes, their aspirations for the future within the military, and their reasons for joining. Each recruit had vastly different backgrounds and motives, and Allison wondered how the drill instructors would transform this wild, diverse gang, all just barely adults, into uniformed soldiers who obeyed orders without question. Now that the conversation had died down, the young recruits stared out the window or into their laps with anxious faces. They looked even younger somehow, even less like future Marines. 

She remembered the conversation she had with her recruiter just before he dropped her off at the hotel in Harrisburg. He said that every recruit had a moment where they asked themselves what the hell they were doing there. Why had they signed up for this hell? His own, like many, was the moment their own bus of recruits arrived at the recruit depot on Parris Island. The moment when the first of their many drill instructors, with their cold eyes under their signature olive green campaign covers with the extra wide brim, had stepped into the bus and screamed so loud that it echoed off the aluminum walls and nearly deafened him.

When would her moment come?

The bus slowed, then came to a stop. She peered out the window, trying to glimpse the island, but it was too dark. The doors opened with a hiss, and a dark-skinned mountain of a man with arms as large as tree trunks, wide-brimmed hat tipped low over his fierce eyes, stepped into the aisle and said with a booming rasp that rattled her bones, "What the hell are you looking at, piss ants? Put your goddamn heads down against the seats and listen!"

Everyone rushed to comply. Allison peeked at the terrified faces of her comrades from behind the leather seat back. There was no doubt. At least half of them were regretting their decision, a few even had tears welling in their eyes. Her heart was hammering against her chest again, but not with anxiety or dread. Excitement thrummed in her veins as she listened to the burly drill instructor scream instructions.

"You will exit in a single file line and make your way to my yellow footprints! You will keep your heads forward and your mouths shut. Do not move off those footprints until I tell you! If you take even a step off my footprints or whisper a word, you will regret the day you were born! If one of my drill instructors addresses you, you will call them Sir or Ma’am! When you answer a question, you will scream like your life depends on it! Is that understood? Scream ‘Aye-Aye, Sir!’"

"Aye-Aye, Sir!" the recruits answered.

The drill instructor's face screwed up in fury, and spittle flew from his mouth as he yelled.

"Louder!"

"AYE-AYE, SIR!"Some of the recruits' voices cracked as they struggled to answer.

"Now get the hell out of this bus and onto those yellow footprints! Scream ‘Aye-Aye Sir!’"

"AYE-AYE, SIR!"

Everyone scrambled to follow his orders, grabbing what little belongings they brought and rushing out of the bus. Allison shimmied into the aisle. On her recruiter's advice, she had chosen not to bring anything with her. It would only be taken and shoved into a brown paper bag with her name scribbled on it in black sharpie until she graduated. Even her phone was left with her mom. They would bring it to her when they picked her up on graduation day.

She kept her head forward as she followed the line, not daring to let her curiosity get the best of her as she stepped onto a small set of sun-colored footsteps painted onto the black tar. The girl in front of her shook like a leaf as several more wide-brimmed hats swarmed around them, their screaming blending together and the words difficult to pick apart. Her arms and legs trembled as well, but Allison suspected it wasn't for the same reason. It was all she could do to keep the grin off her face.

At last, after a year of doubt and struggle, she was here. The months ahead would be the most challenging of her life, but they were hers. Allison had made this choice for no one but herself, and the power that instilled in her drowned out any fear. She would hold that eagle, globe, and anchor in her hand and transform into a woman with strength and surety.

The drill instructors of November company worked hard to drive the moment of regret into her. The next forty-eight hours were filled with screaming, confusion, and zero sleep as they processed the newest batch of recruits. A pile of gear that she had no clue how to use was thrust into arms that had gone numb from the series of vaccinations needed to prevent illnesses that she'd never heard of. A giant rucksack was filled to the brim with uniforms, a bulky vest filled with ceramic bullet proof plates, magazine and grenade pouches, a gas mask, and a dozen other items which made the sack so heavy, she struggled to lift it onto her back. Coupled with her exhaustion, the hike back from the supply issue left her legs shaking. Once she was finally permitted to sleep, Allison collapsed onto the hard mattress of her bunk bed, one of twenty arranged in two parallel lines along the concrete walls of her squad bay. She could have slept for days, but four hours was all the time allotted to her before being ripped from a dreamless sleep to start the day's training. The glimpse of sky from the barred windows was still pitch black. It would be another two hours before the sun rose, but that didn't stop them from being herded into the chow hall to scarf down as much as they could in fifteen minutes before being led out to the grassy training grounds. In the dark, the multitude of fire-ant hills that dotted the grass were impossible to spot, and more than one recruit jumped up from their morning stretches with surprised shrieks of pain, only to be rounded on by their unsympathetic drill instructors for interrupting. 

By week four, the comfortable layer of fat on her body, formed by years of a sedentary lifestyle and lazy diet, was gone, replaced by lithe muscles in her arms, legs, and core. Even her face had thinned, high cheekbones more pronounced than ever. Her friends back home would be concerned by the rapid transformation, but Allison had never felt stronger. She no longer wheezed and lagged behind during runs, and the weight of her pack, which she had buckled under at the start, was little more than a school bag. She could throw one of her fellow recruits over her shoulder and run with them or hold them in place as she squatted during their morning exercises. The first phase of boot camp, designed to tear them down to nothing, had come to a close. Week five marked the beginning of the second phase, the build up, where they would learn the skills shared by all Marines. Allison had been looking forward to combat training more than anything else, and so couldn't contain her excitement the morning they were led to the dirt pits for their first instruction. 

The martial arts instructor's firm but uplifting lessons were a welcome break from the constant belittling of their usual wardens. They were still marines, but the black t-shirts in place of a pressed blouse and crisply rolled sleeves, and the lack of wide-brimmed hats covering steel eyes put them at ease. Allison listened intently, eyes never straying from the woman at the front of the group as she demonstrated a chokehold. They were then divided into pairs to practice. A tawny haired girl whose name she couldn't remember approached her with a relaxed grin, something that would have earned her a trip to the sand pit and a hundred push-ups if their drill instructors caught sight of it. She settled into a fighting stance, fists held too low to block a hit in time, and feet too close together as she said, "I'll go first. Just tap out so the instructors think we're doing it right. Then we can switch, and I'll do the same thing."

Allison raised a brow but said nothing, moving into her own stance, fists held on either side of her face and feet shoulder width apart. She crouched low, keeping her center-of-gravity close to the ground so she would be harder to push off balance. Her partner snapped forward, grabbing onto one arm to twist it behind her back while sweeping her feet out from under her. She hit the dirt, her partner's arm locked around her throat, but there was no pressure applied to her airway. The other recruit held her, waiting for Allison to tap out so they could switch, but she refused, and one of the instructors took notice and approached. She looked down at them with a scowl and said, "Let her go and both of you get up."

"Aye-Aye, Ma’am!"

They hurried to stand and come to attention. The instructor turned to Allison and asked, "Why didn't you tap out?"

"Ma’am! This recruit didn't tap out because she wasn't choking me, Ma’am!"

From the side, where the instructor couldn't see, her partner shot her a sour look, but Allison ignored it. She wasn't here to goof off or make friends, and fudging the training would only come back to bite her at the end when she couldn't pass the assessment. The instructor hid a snort of laughter by ducking her chin for a moment, a common tactic used when one of the recruits did something funny and they didn't want to lose their bearing, though the lack of a campaign cover to hide her expression made it less effective. When she looked back up, her face was blank again as she said.

"Switch and show her how to do it right, then."

"Aye-Aye, Ma’am!" Allison answered and turned back to her partner, who was flushed pink with anger and embarrassment. She tried not to feel too guilty as she shifted back into a fighting stance. It hadn't been her intention to get the girl in trouble. The instructor took a moment to correct her partner's stance before telling them to go. She surged forward, copying the grab and twist and locking her elbow around the girl's throat as she pushed her chest into the dirt, using her right hand to grab her left fist and tighten the hold until a satisfying choking sound was dragged from the girl's lips. She reveled in the feeling of her partner's stubborn struggling underneath her. The moment her partner's hand slapped the dirt, she let go and backed away, looking at the instructor for approval. She nodded with the ghost of a smirk on her face and said, "Good. Hart, you will practice with me. Simmons, you can work on your punches and kicks until we move on."

The boost of confidence from the rare moment of praise energized her throughout the rest of the day. Even when she messed up during drill and her primary drill instructor, known as the kill hat, pulled her out of the formation, ordering her to hold her rifle out in front of her until it felt like her arms were about to fall off, her mood didn't dim.

At week five, as they stood outside the chow hall waiting for their turn to eat, their senior drill instructor, referred to as Senior, caught Ramirez, their platoon leader, laughing as she conversed with the squad leaders. She was the second guide to be unceremoniously fired that week. The first time, Senior had chosen Ramirez from among the squad leaders to be the replacement. This time, she stood at the front of the chow hall as the recruits finished eating and asked for volunteers. For a few minutes, no one spoke. Then Henderson, their original guide, rose from her seat, only to be shot down before she had a chance to speak. Allison looked around the room at her comrades, waiting for one of them to step up. When no one did, she scarfed down the last bite of her bland lunch and stood, arms clamped tight to her sides as she said as loud as she could, "Ma’am! This recruit volunteers for the position, Ma’am!"

Senior, a beautiful woman with smoothe skin and dark eyes that were kinder than anyone's she'd ever met, stared her down. She raised a brow as she took in Allison's earnest, but unkept appearance. Her wild curls had proved impossible to tame, and Senior had threatened to make her cut it on multiple occasions. Unlike some of the other girls, she had no military experience, and struggled to force her hair into the signature slick donut shaped bun. Stray curls stuck out at all angles, and by the end of the day, her bun had often come undone entirely. Senior pursed her lips, waiting another moment for anyone else to volunteer, before she gave in and said, 

"Since you're the only one who managed to stand up and address me properly, you've got it. But your hair had better be perfect tomorrow morning."

"Aye-Aye Ma’am!"

She'd never struggled so hard not to smile in her life. One of the squad leaders was kind enough to gel and braid her hair for her that night after lights out, so that come morning it was flawless. 

Weeks six and seven were range week. Allison had never imagined she would feel so comfortable with a rifle tucked into her shoulder. The only experience she had with a gun was the one time at summer camp when they'd gone to the range and shot fake deer with a shotgun. She had been a terrible shot, not even grazing the target once. But as she lay in the grass, elbows kept tight to her body for the best support, and practiced her slow, controlled breathing as she took aim at a rusted steel barrel with several bright yellow targets painted on it through her scope, she was at ease and brimming with confidence. Her kill hat came up behind her. She tensed, waiting for the usual derision that accompanied her presence. The woman never had a kind word for her, not that she expected any. It came as a surprise then, when she only smirked down at her and said before moving on,

"I think Simmons wants to shoot. Maybe you'll finally be good at something other than hiking."

She almost slipped up and let her shock show on her face. That was two compliments in one sentence. Invigorated, she returned her eye to the scope, making sure to keep the other eye open as she breathed deep. She compressed the trigger with a slow, controlled pull as she exhaled. The empty rifle clicked, but she imagined a hole appearing dead center of the target in her sights. She checked to make sure no one was watching before allowing a wide grin to spread across her face for a moment, wiping it away as soon as her kill hat came back into view.

At last, after three of the most difficult months of her life, the second to last week of boot camp was ending as Allison led her platoon on the hike home, having completed their three-day long graduation assessment, the Crucible, and earned the right to call herself a Marine. She wasn't a guide or squad leader anymore. Her leadership position had only lasted about a week, but that was par for the course, and she didn't let it bother her. Despite not being a platoon leader, Senior had pulled her to the front of the formation because she was the best hiker in the platoon. She needed people who could keep the proper pace at the front for their return from the Crucible, which would be witnessed by nearly everyone on the island. Allison held her head high, no longer needing to hide her grin as she marched. Her tan camouflage utility uniform, with the painstakingly starched and ironed rolled sleeves, was covered in dirt, and she, like the rest of her platoon, stank of sweat. The smell had sunk so deep into her blouse and trousers and the dirt was so thick, she would have to soak the uniform in a tub of bleach to get the filth out. Her feet ached, and the soles of her boots were so worn she could feel every slap of her toes against the pavement. Still, as the sun rose behind them, bathing the platoon with its summer warmth, and they rounded the corner onto the main street that led through Parris Island, she joined her drill instructors and new comrades in their uplifting cadence, screaming "Marine Corps" after each line Senior sang.

A 1, 2, 3, 4

A 1, 2, 3, 4

A ARMY, NAVY WAS NOT FOR ME

AIR FORCE WAS JUST A TOO EASY

WHAT I NEED WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE

I NEED A LIFE THAT IS HARDCORE

PARRIS ISLAND IS WHERE IT BEGAN

A LITTLE ROCK WITH LOTS A SAND

I CAN'T FORGET ABOUT HOLLYWOOD

SAN DIEGO AND IT'S ALL GOOD

PT DRILL ALL DAY LONG

KEEP ME RUNNING FROM DUSK TO DAWN

A 1, 2, 3, 4

TELL ME NOW WHAT YOU WAITING FOR

A 1, 2, 3, 4

MOMMA NOW I'M GONNA SING YOU SOME MORE

FIRST PHASE IT BROKE ME DOWN

SECOND PHASE I STARTED COMIN ROUND

THIRD PHASE I WAS LEAN AND MEAN

GRADUATION STANDING TALL IN MY GREEN

TO ANYBODY WHO ASKED ME WHY

HERE'S THE DEAL I GAVE MY REPLY

I'LL BE A MARINE TIL THE DAY I DIE

MOTIVATED AND SEMPER FI

Her drill instructors timed the end of the cadence perfectly with the end of their hike as they came to a stop in front of the Iwo Jima Memorial. They scrambled to drop their packs and arrange them in four neat rows, before forming ranks five steps away from the stone statue. Senior took post at the head of the formation and called them to attention so she could give instructions.

"When I step in front of you, you will go to rest, receive your eagle, globe, and anchor with your left hand, and go back to attention when I move to the next person."

Her heart pounded as Senior made her rounds. What felt like an hour before the drill instructor stepped in front of her was really only half that, but her sore feet and sleep deprivation made the wait agonizing. At last, Senior arrived, and she addressed the drill instructor by her rank, a privilege earned along with her new title.

"Good morning, Staff Sergeant."

She held her hand out, heart stuttering as the black eagle, globe, and anchor, no bigger than a quarter, was placed in her sweating, open palm. Staff Sergeant offered her a secret smile as she said under her breath,

"Good morning, Marine. Congratulations. You earned this."

She stepped away. Allison snapped back to attention, clutching the little pin that she had worked so hard for in her hand. She kept the silent, joyful tears at bay until her drill instructor made it to the end of her row. A subtle glance on either side revealed that most of her comrades were crying as well. Their official graduation ceremony would take place in a few days, with just enough time to celebrate Independence Day with their family as new Marines. Her parents would get to see the results of all her efforts, and Allison was proud to show them. She couldn't wait to stand in front of them in her dress uniform, trousers pressed with fresh, perfect creases, shoes shined, and hair pulled back tight and sleek. Allison imagined their awe as they watched her march onto the stage, rifle held tight against her shoulder as she moved with her platoon in sharp, synchronized movement. For the first time in years, she was confident in the future ahead, so she took a moment to appreciate the men and women who came before her. Thanks to them, Allison would build a life that she could enjoy and be proud of. She would sacrifice her life if she was called to, but she would never again sacrifice her wellness for the sake of someone else's happiness. The bright yellow footsteps she had stood on three months ago were the start of a meaningful, fulfilling future, and nothing and no one would take it away from her. From that moment on, the words inked into Dan's arm, always faithful, would hold new meaning. Allison would strive to remain always faithful to her own heart.

This story was previously published in the 2022 Wild Women issue if The Tuliptree Review. I retained all publishing rights. Please do not post this anywhere else without my permission.

[mrkstyx]

Once upon a time, there were two cousins named Jed and Michael. They grew up together and were very close. They did everything together, from playing video games to going on family vacations. As they got older, they both realized that they were gay. They didn't talk about it with each other, but they both knew.

One summer, when they were both in college, they went on a family vacation together. They spent most of the time together, talking and laughing like they used to. One night, while they were sitting on the beach, Jed confessed his feelings to Michael. He told him that he had always had a crush on him and that he didn't know what to do about it.

Michael was surprised but also relieved. He had been feeling the same way about Jed but didn't know how to bring it up. They talked about it for hours, and in the end, they decided to give it a try. They started dating in secret, afraid of what their family would think.

For a while, everything was perfect. They were in love and happy. They would sneak away from family gatherings to be alone together. They would spend hours on the phone every night, talking about everything and nothing.

But then, something changed. They started arguing more and more. Jed wanted to tell their family about their relationship, but Michael was afraid of what would happen. Jed felt like Michael was ashamed of him and their relationship. Michael felt like Jed was pushing him too hard and too fast.

In the end, they had a big fight and stopped talking. They both felt hurt and betrayed. They had been so close for so long and now they were strangers. They tried to go back to the way things were, but it was impossible. They both moved on with their lives, but they never forgot each other.

Years went by, and they both found love with other people. They were happy, but there was always a part of them that missed each other. They would see each other at family gatherings, but they would only exchange polite hellos.

It wasn't until their grandmother's funeral that they finally spoke again. They were both crying, and they hugged each other tightly. They talked about everything that had happened and how much they had missed each other. They apologized for the things they had said and done.

In the end, they decided to start over. They knew that things would never be the same as they were before, but they were willing to try. They started talking and hanging out like they used to. They were cousins again, but they also knew that they would always have a special bond because of what they had shared.

============================

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[askthestans]

Dear Stanley Pines. Do your remember people's reactions toward Ford when he was shown to public with you for the first time? How does people in Gravity Falls think about him?

Stanley: Well, we already talked about Wendy in another post. She basically didn't care, which was kinda expected. Can't get that girl to care about anything, honestly.

Soos mostly stayed away from Ford for my sake, at first. Said Ford didn’t appreciate me enough, and told ‘im right to his face that he was lucky to have me as a family member, ‘cause not everyone has family that sticks around and works that hard to make up for their mistakes like I did.

Eventually Soos and Ford got along. I mean, now the kid makes Stanfiction with him as the main character, which is as puke-worthy as it sounds. By the end of last Summer, he grew to respect Ford, but he was not a Ford fan at all for a while.

Not sure if you've noticed, but Soos and I have a rather... complex relationship. He’s extremely loyal to me. I s’pose I should feel grateful, but it’s a little weird, honestly.

Stanford: Stan, we talked about this when we were on the Stan-O-War. It’s quite obvious that Soos looks up to you as a fath-

Stanley: Boss! He looks up to me as the world’s greatest former boss! D-don’t listen to Sixer, here. Ain’t nothin’ between me and Soos but a serious, coldhearted manager-employee relationship!

Stanford: Stanley, he left your room here completely untouched after he took ownership of the Shack. When we got back, he knocked over everyone - including Melody - out of the way to hug you and wouldn’t let go for an hour.

Stanley: See? I’m the best boss he’s ever had.

Stanford: He emailed you every day while we were out at sea, sometimes multiple times, asking you for life advice and telling you how much he missed you, with attached pictures of himself in your Mr. Mystery outfit and how proud he was to wear it. Never mind the fact that he emailed me every day, too, to ask me to make sure you were happy and came back home safe.

That’s not even accounting for how he’s planning on naming his firstborn son after you-

Stanley: Stanley is a common, classy name. There’s no relation whatsoever- Stanford: Stanley...

Stanley: What!? Soos had some actual taste for once in his life, is all I’m sayin’! Who said I cried when he told me he was namin’ his son Stanley!? I didn’t feel a heartwrenching ache in my chest for days afterwards, neither! Not at all!

Stanford: *Pulls out a camera. On it is a set of photos of Stan standing on the deck of the Stan-O-War II, a doofy grin on his face, eyes puffy from what must have been hours of tears, with the look of a man who finally feels emotionally fulfilled for the first time in his life.* Photo evidence, Stanley- Stanley: *Snatches camera from Ford and vigorously deletes them. Afterwards, he gives Ford a betrayed look.*

Stanford: *Chuckles and snatches the camera back.* Not to mention, the extra hour you spent at the store the other day debating between buying a baby blanket and bottles and toys, then - you of all people, Mr. Cheapskate Pennypinch McScrooge himself - bought all of them and more, then proceeded to grin the entire time we spent in the checkout and during the drive home. You even started crying aga-

Stanley: ANYWAYS! How’d the rest of the town react to Ford? Let’s talk about that instead! That’s far more interesting than mine and Soos’ completely boring manager-employee relationship.

Ford, talk about yourself! It’s your favorite thing to do, right? Tell ‘em how everyone in this hickdump town reacted to the mind-blowin’, plot twisty return of Stanford Filbrick Pines.

*Stan grabs the camera back again and furiously scrolls through all the pictures and videos, making sure none of them contain any incriminating content of him deeply caring about Soos. Most are a mix of very symmetrical, magazine-worthy pictures taken by Ford of supernatural creatures, landscapes, and the two Stan twins bonding, plus blurry shots or clips taken by Stan of random things like Ford getting chased by a werepanther, or Ford drunk off his ass while trying to slurringly explain why vampires are factually not sparkly and hot, but a few are targets for Stan’s deletion fury.

Except one. It’s of him, probably taken by Ford when Stan didn’t notice. He’s also drunk in this video, but unlike Ford - who can’t shut up and goes on angry, barely coherent rants when he’s got liquor in him, as if speaking to some invisible college lecture class (complete with wobbly chalkboard diagrams or bar napkin graphs) - Stan is a sappy, happy drunk.

He’s sitting at their table in the Stan-O-War II, a beer sloshing in widely gesturing hand, rambling about how Soos deserves better. The video jitters as Stan forces Ford into a hug, telling him that that’s exactly how he’s going to hug Soos when they get back, and that even though he never had kids, he considers Soos... well, close enough to it, and that Soos kept him company all those years. Without him, Stan would have been a much sadder, lonelier man, and he owes Soos his life.

Stan smiles at that one as Ford explains an answer to the asker’s question. He’s not gonna delete that one. Maybe one day... no, he probably won’t show that to Soos. Or will he? Ugh...

Stanford: Before I got lost in the portal, most of the town hadn’t seen me much, if at all. And Stan and I look alike enough that, when I left and he took my identity, most didn’t know better. Except Fiddleford. But Fiddleford was...

*Ford looks guilty.* Well, his memory was not in the best shape, is all I’ll say. Of course, the townsfolk eventually saw Stan and I together, side-by-side, after Weirdmageddon ended and everything had calmed down. That was the moment we got reactions...

---

Pacifica: Hey, why is Stan suddenly hot now?

---

Candy: Improvement of Stan?

---

Gideon: My oh my, who knew that the genius behind the journals was none other than the long lost twin and great uncle of my mortal enemies all along?

*Eye twitches.* I haven’t forgiven you for the way you write sentences, Stanford Pines. I almost died multiple times because o' your knack for placin' warnings not to do somethin’ on pages after you’ve already said to do them. That should have been my first hint that the Author was from the stupid Pines family!

Dipper: Wait, Journal 2 has sentences written like that, too?

Stanford: Just how many children were running around with my journals!? Also, I ran out of room to write!

Gideon: And you’ve run out of time to atone for your mistakes, Stanford Pines.

*After this point, Ford was sent countless curses in the mail with the return address matching the Gravity Falls maximum security prison. Even when he and Stan were on the Stan-O’-War II away from any mailboxes, they’d get sent the occasional demon or poltergeist visitor as well. Ford easily dispelled or exorcised most of these, but being woken in the middle of the night on the dark ocean with some horrific monster breathing into Ford and Stan’s faces was not easy to deal with. Ford eventually beat an answer out of them as to who kept sending their ilk, and started redirecting some back to the sender. This occult summoning war continues to this day.

Stan tried to convince Ford that a good broom to the face was all it took to get Gideon to scurry off, but Ford only put his hand on Stan’s shoulder, sighed, looked down for a while...

And then he said, “Stanley, I write sentences perfectly, and I will summon the entirety of the multiverse’s worst horrors upon that child to prove my point.”

---

Grenda: Teach me your deep voiced ways, Cave Johnson!

---

Lazy Susan: Hey there, handsome! Hey! I tried to date your brother, but he said it couldn’t work out because of all my cats. Are you a cat person? You seem like a cat person. Maybe you could come over and meet all of them? Oh, I bet Mr. Cat Face would love you! What do you say, Stanford? Wait, Stanley, why are you dragging your brother away from me? You don’t think he’d like my cats?

---

Sheriff Blubs: You mean to tell me that your brother was impersonating you all this time? So Stanford Pines did not, in fact, commit the largest list of felonies in Gravity Falls’ history?

Stanford: Yes. That is precisely what I’m saying. And Stanley’s technically legally dead. So Stanley Pines didn’t commit them either, nor should any law enforcement ever come after him again. You got it?

*Durland and Blubs glance at each other, looking disbelieving, but then Blubs glances at Ford again. Ford is glaring at them both with his trench coat opened, showing a gleaming assortment of knives, sci-fi weaponry, and Earth guns.*

Sheriff Blubs: Can’t argue with that logic!

---

Reginald: Now that we're finally alone, again, far away from Gravity Falls in this romantic, sunset sea cove off the coast of Japan... Rosanna, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you.

Rosanna: Oh, Reginald!

Distant Voice: Hey, other humans!

*A boat named the Stan-O’-War II pulls up to theirs.*

Stanford: *Battered, covered with green blood, a large kaiju baby tied down on the ship’s deck behind him.* Want to hear a joke? Here goes... My ex-eldritch cult from Dimension 8]2M still miss me...but their aim is getting better!

...

Their aim is getting better!

...

See, it's-it's funny because soul-bonding, ritualistic pacts are terrible!

*Reginald and Rosanna turn to each other, stare into each other’s eyes without a blink for far too long, then jump overboard, never to be seen again.*

[mclarensangel]

The Seal of the Dragon

Chapter one - Trials and tribulations

warnings: mentions of weight, AFAB character, mentions of female body parts, references to the weight of M/C, loosely based on my own research of the ancient Korean royalty system, message me if you feel I need more warnings

Y/N trusted her father. At least that’s what she tells herself. And it’s what she keeps telling herself day after day when each day her father disappoints her more and more. 

“I’m using this money for your future” he would say, whilst reeking of beer and stumbling through the door to their house. On particularly bad days, he would barely make eye contact with her as he tells her that his drinking was ‘all her fault’. Her father spent his days, after his fall from grace, drinking away the money that the rest of her family was trying so hard to cling onto, to hold them afloat in the noble status that they were barely a part of. 

There were few things that made her life feel just that little bit better, and that was her best friend, Hwang Yeji. Yeji had been her friend since she could remember, her own mother telling her stories of how you were practically raised by both sets of parents. There hadn't been a day that had gone by that Y/N felt loved and appreciated by her best friend.

Hwang Yeji, from the Hwang clan, was a beautiful woman, who was adored by everyone in the town. She had the warmest brown eyes that sparkled in the sun, and her hair was a similar colour to her eyes, only being lightened by the long summer days. Yeji was both taller, and skinnier than you, but she never let you feel like you were any less stunning than she was. Besides your mother, she was your biggest supporter. Pushing you to do bigger and better things with your life.

As much as she was your biggest supporter, she was also the person who worried about you the most. She despised your father, for what he was putting you and your family through, but she knew that there was nothing she could do, other than being there for you, to have a shoulder to cry on when your father spat his harsh words at her.

It was a lovely summer morning, at the beginning of June when the weather was warm, but there was still a calming breeze that swept through the streets, cooling you off as it passed. Today, Yeji had decided she wanted to drag you into the centre of town, where the hustle and bustle were found. You were donning a dark pink Chima with a cream Jeogri, your hair pinned back with a hair stick you had received for your 18th birthday, it was made of silver with a simple pink crystal, the metal details of flowers making the pin even more beautiful in your eyes.

Your white shoes made small sounds against the sandy ground, as you moved towards Yeji's house. It took a few moments for you to reach her house, and just as you were going through the gate, to enter into their garden, you walked straight into a chest. Looking up in anxiety, you see her older brother smirking down at you. a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Hyunjin! Omo! I am so sorry, I was in my head again, did I hurt you?" you quickly blurted out, as a soft pink colour swept across your face, your heart racing, worrying that you had in fact hurt the man that was stood in front of you, smiling down at your flustered state.

"Y/N! It's okay, I know what you're like, you've been bumping into me since you were 4, you never could keep your head out of the clouds could you?" he teased "Yeji will be out in a second, mother is finishing braiding her hair, as for some reason, the pabo can't do it herself" he adds. Before you could respond, he cut you off saying "Anyways, duty calls. Stay safe both of you" he finishes, but not before looking behind you. Hyunjin smiles behind you, and then at you before moving around you and out of the gate and down the street. You giggle slightly at the man's antics, he also has been a ball of energy. When you were younger, you had a crush on your best friend's big brother, I mean who wouldn't, he looked like he should be on a poster for everyone to admire. But you soon got over that crush, quickly realising that although you saw the man as attractive, the bond you had was definitely one of a sibling rather than a lover.

You heard quick yet light footsteps behind you before you felt two small and delicate hands rest on your shoulders. "Was he winding you up again?" she asked, a slight smirk on her small mouth, remembering when you told her that you had previously fancied her bother. Your face flushed again before responding "he was telling me that mother was braiding your hair, and calling you... what was it?" a smirk gracing your own lips, before carrying on "oh yeah... a pabo" you ended, looking up at your friend as a look of annoyance came onto her face. You knew she wasn't annoyed at you, rather she was annoyed at her elder sibling. The look that fell over her face next, brought memories back of when the two had been fighting and pulling pranks on each other that you soon got involved in, for both sides. You saw the same mischievous glint in her eye that you had seen in her brother's eyes just minutes before.

"I want nothing to do with whatever scheme it is you are building up in your head" you laughed, linking arms with your friend as you pulled her into the street so you could begin your mission of heading into the town centre. "spoilsport" she retorts, before beginning to pull the two of you into a skip. Smiles filled both of your faces, even as the townspeople gave the two of you quizzical looks.

"what's the plan t-" Yeji began before being cut off by shouts in the streets, as people ran through handing small pieces of hanji to passersby

"THE KING IS LOOKING FOR A QUEEN! THE SELECTION PROCESS BEGINS IN 7 DAYS" was the main sentence that was being yelled out from within the crowds "MORE INFORMATION IS AT THE TOWN HALL" others carried on

Yeji turned to you, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. And without. a word, she grabs your wrist, pulling you full-speed to the town hall.

[ateezmakemeweep]

playing with fire (part 1)

word count: 23k

fluff, smut (warning: age gap, infidelity, roommate’s father)

(series masterlist)

“is there any other way you could pay?” the woman behind the desk asked, stout and soft spoken with sympathy in her eyes.

she probably has to have this conversation with students a lot, tell them that their tuition payment didn’t go through or that they’re not eligible for government support.

or that the athletics department needed more scholarship money, successfully rendering you, one of the many photography majors on campus, unable to pay for your last semester of college.

“a loan of some sort or another scholarship, maybe?” she tried to help, “i could send over an e-mail of ones you might be eligible for.”

you swallow the lump forming in your throat, attempting to calm all the anxiety and stress violently making its way through your body.

“y-yes, that would be great, thank you,” you barely manage to get out, hoping and praying to some unknown force above that you don’t burst into tears.

you were nearing the end of the fall semester, the last fall semester you ever anticipated of having, when you found out just last week that you were no longer eligible for your scholarship.

in a short, curt e-mail explaining that, while you kept up your gpa and never strayed from the requirements, they’ve maxed out their amount of funding and are looking to use that money elsewhere.

“can they do that!?” your best friend and roommate of four years yelps, gucci sunglasses atop her head as she stomps around your shared, off-campus apartment.

“they can’t seriously do that! you’ve been a straight a student since you started and now they wanna take it away?! before your last semester of senior year?!”

“eunbi, it’s not ideal but i’ve already come to terms with it,” you explain gently, leaving out the part where you did, in fact, have a break down right outside the bursar office only an hour ago. “i’ll just save up money and come back in the fall to finish.”

“that’s so not right or fair though!” she whines, something about the concept of not getting what she wants unfamiliar to your roommate.

you first met park eunbi during freshmen move in day, your two raggedy luggages and beat up backpacks an embarrassing contrast to the multiple louis vuitton travel bags she lunged in.

you were intimidated for all of three seconds, before she looked at you with a smile and threw her arms around you like a long lost best friend.

it was obvious she came from money, the way she spoke and carried herself so confidently before her parents came in and introduced themselves.

they were both gorgeous and tall and looked far too young to have an 18-year-old daughter, covered in fancy jewelry and expensive looking clothing.

her dad, who introduced himself as mr. park seonghwa, didn’t seem to bat an eye at your more humble appearance. he reminded you a lot of eunbi, honest and genuine in the way he was kind and nonjudgemental.

mrs. park seemed nice enough, too, though you could see the judgement behind her pretty eyes.

the way she sneered at your bags and looked down at your hands, so different from her and her daughter’s not covered in diamond bracelets or acrylic nails.

“did we just miss your parents?” she asked, her voice just as pretty and rich sounding as she appeared; you bet if she laughed, she’d had have that melodic, care-free laugh all rich women seem to have.

“oh, uh, yeah, i’m sorry,” you apologized, lying through your teeth with a shy smile and averting gaze - you had to move in by yourself, the same way you traveled here all alone with no one to send you off.

“it’s okay, we just thought it’d be nice to meet them,” eunbi’s father interjects, the smile on his handsome face causing your stomach to swoop - how is he a dad?

“we were gonna take eunbi to an early dinner before we left. do you wanna join us?”

“oh no, it’s okay, i’d hate to intru-”

“no, you’re coming, c’mon!” your new roommate whined, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the door. “we’ll be able to get a lot of dessert out of them. probably the whole menu if we wanted.”

and you saw that over the years, eunbi knew she could, in fact, get whatever she wanted from her parents. they had the money and the means and the fondness in their hearts for their only daughter.

but it never seemed to get to your friend.

she was always kind and thoughtful of others and never said or did anything to suggest she was just a brainless, spoiled rich kid.

even in your guy’s second year when she found out you were going to school on an academic scholarship, she didn’t care. she didn’t turn her nose up or think you were lesser than her for not having the funds; if anything, it only made her praise you more.

that you were smart and ambitious enough to work under the strict guidelines of a prestigious scholarship.

“i know it’s not fair,” you mumble, not wanting to cry or have another anxiety attack over this matter. “but it is what it is. i’ll figure it out.”

she lets out a dejected, defeated sigh so uncharacteristic of the girl, plopping down on her pink, fluffy bed and bringing you down with her.

“we’ll sell feet pics over winter break,” she concludes after a few minutes of silence, wrapping her arm around yours and curling her body into yours. “you know how much money we can get from that? and we have pretty feet,” she says, sticking her leg up and wiggling her red, painted toes.

there’s a little less tightness in your chest and a little heaviness lifted in your stomach as you let out a giggle, looking over at your best friend who truly got you through the last four years of school.

you really don’t know how you’d still be functioning if it weren’t for her.

“you’re sick.”

“i’m serious,” she giggles out, flipping on her side and causing the bed to bounce under you. “you’re still good with coming tomorrow, right? i told my parents you were.”

she had invited you to her house for the winter break this year, the girl not wanting you to spend a month alone in the apartment.

you’ve shared with her how strained your relationship with your parents has been, really, since birth. never seeing eye to eye to them and feeling as if they never had your best interests at heart.

when most kids get full ride scholarships, their parents are immensely proud. bragging about how smart they are and telling them how proud they were.

but your parents were the opposite.

they didn’t want you to up and leave them to pursue an education. they thought you were gonna stay with them forever, not go to college like them and help run the family business back home in your tiny little hometown.

it was your dream to go to college and get a degree, though, so that’s exactly what you did for yourself; but they saw it as a giant fuck you.

saw it as you thinking you were better than them and basically told you to never come back if you thought you were so much smarter and better off without them.

so you’d spent every winter or summer vacation in the dorms, this year finally being the time you accepted eunbi’s invitation to stay over - reluctantly.

“i packed all my stuff, yeah,” you mumble, hands twisted into one another nervously. “but... are you sure they’re okay with it? i don’t wanna intrude or be there if i’m not wanted.”

“y/n, please,” she whines, “my mom may be a raging bitch but you know i make the rules in that house.”

“that’s not what i meant,” you mutter immediately, looking to the girl with a small frown on your lips.

although it was no secret eunbi’s mom didn’t ever seem too fond of you, always sneering at your off-brand items or questioning the logistics of why exactly you needed a scholarship to afford college, you always tried to remain polite.

smile at her and greet her happily even though there was always a thick, palpable tension between you two.

“oh but it is,” she chuckles out, the girl far too aware of what a materialistic snob her mother is. “it’s fine, i know she’s a bitch. my dad’s just coming tomorrow anyway. i told him to bring one of the bigger cars so we can lay out in the back.”

you have to bite back a snarky comment about the fact there are multiple cars in question, though the look in your eye certainly gives it away. she can only giggle and shrug her shoulders, flopping onto her back as she tells you about how excited she is to be reunited with her boyfriend.

eunbi and jiwoon have been dating since their second year of high school, going to colleges only an hour away from each other; he was just as handsome as he was kind and good to her, leaving you with no other option but to love and support the both of them.

and you try to listen to her rambling that ensues, you really do, but your mind is swirling with some slight anxiety about staying with her family for a month.

you don’t wanna make her mom even more irritated, deal with the side eyes and passive aggressive comments and overall feeling of just not being wanted.

you don’t want eunbi to feel obligated to be with you 24/7, act as a cock block to her and her boyfriend who haven’t seen each other in almost six weeks.

and maybe, you don’t want your tiny, small, miniscule crush on mr. park to make you feel any more awkward than it does, wondering how a married man who has a daughter in college is still so handsome and alluring.

it also doesn’t help that he’s just so incredibly kind, always making everyone feel so comfortable and welcomed, it’d be hard not to just develop a little, secret crush on him.

“eunbi, who is that sexy ass man who just dropped you off?” one of your suite mates asks your roommate, everyone gathering back in front of the dorm building after winter break.

it was sophomore year and you spent a month in the quiet, almost eerie college dorms alone (apart from the ra down the hall). you were grateful for everyone to return, no matter how loud or catty things were about to become.

“yeah, for real. is that your new boyfriend? he’s hotter than the last one and i didn’t even think that was possible.”

“uhhh.. no,” eunbi says, shooting the crowd of girls with lustful eyes and curious glances a look of distaste. “that’s my dad.”

and that’s when a chorus of disbelief and inappropriate comments erupted from the group of college girls.

asking how a dad could look like that while hoping and praying he’s single.

inquiring about just how much her dad’s on campus and when’s the next time he’s gonna pick her up.

about how he’s definitely hotter than her boyfriend, with a more mature and sophisticated look than these college boys.

“are they fucking serious! like how disgusting? he’s my literal father!” eunbi rages once in the dorm room, sharing a few curse words and vulgar phrases at the girl’s before stomping away from them.

“and for them to say that shit in front of me? did they think i want to hear that?”

“i know, that was so sick,” you agree, because even though you, too, think he’s attractive, it’s not something you would ever verbalize to your friend.

“like... i know he’s younger than most dads, my parents had me when they were teenagers, but shit! how sick,” she rants, throwing down her heavy designer bags and flopping on her bed.

you can tell by the look on her face how much it truly bothers her, everyone always noticing her dad and making comments like that. she handles it well, she’s always able to handle herself well, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s something that worries her.

people getting close to her to get to her dad, even if it was teachers or other moms in elementary school or her friends when she got to college.

it’s one of the many reasons you would never give away your little crush on him - because it’s not only inappropriate and uncomfortable for her to know but there’s also no need to tell her.

because it’s not like it would go anywhere.

he’s a married man and your roommate’s father, a twisted, dark, forbidden fantasy that will stay in the walls of your head and never see the light of day - no matter how thrilling and fulfilling being with him would be.

“eunbi, your dad’s gonna be here soon,” you yell into your roommate’s doorway, met with the sound of her groaned “five more minutes!” that you’ve been hearing for the past twenty.

she was on facetime with jiwoon when you went to bed around one, briefly waking to the sound of her girlish screams or high-pitched giggles three hours later; you wouldn’t be surprised if she only went to bed a few hours ago.

“you said five more minutes thirty minutes ago,” you say, stomping your way over before smacking her over the head with a pillow. she lets out a loud sigh before swatting you away, your surprisingly fast reflexes grabbing her wrist.

she peeks one eye open as a smirk covers her morning face, looking from you all dressed up and ready in your pink pleated skirt and white thigh high stockings, down to her wrist in your hold.

“that was kinda hot. and you look good. i don’t know how to act right now.”

“shut up and get your ass out of bed,” you demand, biting back a smile as you storm out of her room.

you’d been pacing around the apartment ever since you woke up at seven a.m., more and more unsettled about staying over her house as the time drew closer.

you checked to make sure you had enough clothes and chargers and skincare products for nearly an hour, finally settling the same purple suitcase you moved in with freshmen year near the door.

you hope mrs. park doesn’t notice, remembering the way she sneered at the wonky zipper and slightly stained bottom.

you also hope you can keep yourself in check, not get too nervous or flustered by eunbi’s exorbitant wealth or a new setting you don’t feel welcomed in or her hot ass father whose bones you wanna jump.

the knock at the door completely sobers you, jumping in your spot just in time to see eunbi fly across the living room to get to the door. there’s a big, happy smile on her face, ripping open the door and greeting her father in typical eunbi fashion.

“are those for me?” she asks, snatching the red box from his hands.

excitement bubbles inside the girl as she unveils twelve chocolate covered strawberries, a speciality at one of the local dessert shops just a few miles from her home.

“you shouldn’t have, dad, really. i’m much too tired to appreciate this.”

the man can only look at his daughter with a look of disdain and affection, waking up to an extremely passive aggressive text that she’d really appreciate an early morning treat from her favorite place ever and that it’d really inspire her to be ready.

but as he can currently see, given the state of her hair and pajamas pants, it didn’t at all act as a motivator.

“then maybe i should just-” but upon her father’s hand reaching out to grab the box of strawberries, the girl brings it to her body and runs away, yelling that her bags are packed and she’s just gonna wash her face.

he looks to you with a mock annoyed expression, your heart jumping in your chest as you send him a small, polite smile.

“how do you deal with her, y/n?” he asks, a smirk on his face rising as you let out a soft, slightly forced giggle - this man looks too good for his own good at ten o’clock in the morning.

“don’t talk shit about me!” she yelps before you can even think to say something, a smile lighting up his face again before he nods his head down the hall.

“i’ll bring down your girl’s bags,” he says, his tall, large frame coming toward you making your knees feel slightly wobbly.

you swear you see his eyes roam over you for the shortest of seconds, down to your shirt and exposed legs before back to your face, until he’s looking into your eyes questioningly.

totally not like someone who just checked out their daughter’s roommate - this is what you feared, your own delusionals and attraction making your crazy little brain see something that’s not there.

“her bedroom’s down that hall?”

you resist the urge to swallow nervously, begging yourself to snap out of it and remind yourself you have to deal with the man for a month. a month of his dark, piercing eyes and bright, white smile and skin so smooth and clear, it’s far too easy to forget he’s almost forty years old.

“yeah,” you barely manage to get out. “i-i can help and bring down mine.”

“no, it’s okay,” he insists, “help in getting eunbi ready. you know she’ll delay us thirty more minutes.”

you let out another strained chuckle as you nod your head, finally letting out the breath you’ve been holding when you hear his footsteps disappear down the hall and into her room.

as long as you distance yourself from him, not look him in the eye or let any sort of idea get in your head that an older, married man could want you back, this will be fine.

it’ll be a nice, calm, relaxed break actually full of interaction and socialization opposed to your usual lonely bubble of solitude.

eunbi’s not making that very easy though, when twenty minutes later, she’s opening the back door of her father’s black g-wagen and sprawling out on the black leather seats.

“where’s y/n supposed to go, eunbi?” seonghwa asked, the fatherly tone is his voice causing eunbi to let out a huff; the only time you see eunbi’s spoiled tendencies come out is around her father, the girl knowing he’ll do anything and everything for her.

and apparently, so will you.

sitting in the front seat of her car, next to her extremely hot father you’re trying to stay calm around, while she sleeps soundly in the backseat - if she didn’t invite to stay at her home, meals and bed and transportation free, you’d say she has to owe you.

“was she up all night talking to jiwoon?” mr. park asked, the past few moments of silence just as comforting as they were terrifying. it felt awkward to you, extremely tense and full of suspense, but you knew it was completely normal.

you bite down on your lip, looking back at eunbi sleeping soundly on the seat, even prepared with a fuzzy white blanket. you let out a soft giggle when you see her mouth open, the slightest bit of drool hanging from her mouth and threatening to spill on the dark leather.

“she might’ve been,” you mutter, a breathy laugh leaving her father that causes you to sneak a glance at him.

there’s not a hint of a wrinkle or imperfection on his glowing skin, black hair hanging in his face and red lips quirked into a content smile. that’s something you always noticed about him, despite his dark appearance and looming figure, he always appears to be happy.

smiles and laughs and never gives anyone without his same wealth a dirty glance - he treats everyone the same and that’s another reason you’ve taking a liking to him, not just because he’s the hottest man you’ve ever seen in your life.

“y/n?” he asks, your intrusive thoughts being ripped away at the sound of his voice calling your name.

your eyes move to his and he’s watching you in slight amusement, a rampant blush creeping up on your cheeks at the way you’ve been caught. you’re quick to look away, shake your head and let out an awkward chuckle and apology.

you miss the way his eyes roam your side profile, a delightful smirk and feeling in his chest blooming before he speaks again.

“how was your semester?”

“it was good,” you say, hands placed nervously in your lap. “a lot of work on top of an internship but it was good.”

“and you girls are almost done,” he hums lowly, one hand atop the steering wheel while his eyes focus on the highway in front of him. “eunbi’s been talking about a combined graduation party since the moment you guys met.”

you let out a small laugh as you remember eunbi’s plan since your second semester of freshmen year, ignoring the twinge of sadness in your stomach.

you could’ve never anticipated delaying your college career when you first received your scholarship, happy and proud and eternally grateful for the opportunity.

but you suppose you’re lucky enough to have gotten this far, and delaying one last semester is nothing compared to people who never get to go to college - but it still makes you feel upset.

you think you have the right to feel disappointed and sad, the lingering sick feeling in your stomach making you feel nauseous.

“is it okay if i open the window for a second?” you mumble to mr. park, the man looking over your face.

he presses down on the passenger window button immediately, your face met with cold air as relief floods through your body.

“are you okay? do you get car sick?” he asks, remembering how much eunbi used to get car sick (on the rare occasion she wasn’t passed out during a road trip).

“not usually,” you mumble, resting your head on the side of the door.

then again, i’m not usually freaking out about making tuition money or repressing my violent attraction to my roommate’s father.

seonghwa watches as you close your eyes for a few moment, allowing the cold, windy air to hit your face. he couldn’t help but notice the pinkish tint to your cheeks, suppressing the urge for his eyes and thoughts to wander.

you’re a college girl in the prime of her life and his daughter’s best friend, he’d be a fool to think you were blushing and nervous because of him - but he also doesn’t remember you looking like.... this.

so pretty and dressed up and pink in the face as you check him out with a soft and curious look in your eye.

“maybe try to take a nap,” he suggests, his gaze lingering back onto the road so he doesn’t look at your exposed legs. “i’ll pull off at a rest stop to get you ginger ale.”

“that’s not necessary, mr. park,” your sweet voice says, something about it causing his insides to jump - he definitely doesn’t remember you sounding like that. “i’ll be okay. just need the window open for a little longer.”

you spend the next few minutes with the cold, december wind blowing through the car, your back pressed against the comfortable seat behind you. a chill runs through your body, goosebumps rising on your exposed thighs, but it feels better than the alternative.

potentially panicking or vomiting due to current stress of your life.

your gaze shifts to the man beside you, whether it be to check him out or ask if he’s cold unknown to you.

“are you okay with the-”

the words are stuck in your throat when you see his eyes aren’t on the road but your exposed, goose-bumpy thighs, the white lace of your thigh high stockings and pink skirt leaving little to the imagination.

you wish you could see the look in his eye, if it’s judgemental and shameful or full of lust and curiosity. if he’s wondering what you have on just a few inches under your skirt and if that’s something he even thinks about.

or maybe he’s just looking because it’s there - your skirt blowing in the wind and him caught off guard by the sight right there in his passenger seat.

“um, i think i’m good now,” you mumble, watching from your peripheral as he shifts in his seat and tightens his hold on the steering wheel.

“alright, let me know if you wanna stop.”

you bite down on your lip as you nod your head, keeping your eyes on the view in front of you.

the faint sounds of eunbi snoring behind you act as a way to ground you, remind you that these thoughts and feelings you’re having can’t stay.

maybe you have to get it our of your system now, take all the looks you can and feel all the hopefulness your delusional brain needs until you act as if eunbi’s father is a mean, disgusting, grotesque man.

not someone who gets your heart and body pounding.

you’re not sure how many songs play on the radio until you both are talking again, seonghwa looking in the rearview mirror to see his daughter still passed out on the seats.

“do you think she’ll sleep the whole time?”

he hope for his sake, she doesn’t.

you look back at eunbi sleeping soundly, the drool previously trickling down her mouth successfully making a pool on the black leather.

“probably,” you chuckle out lightly. “i have a feeling she went to bed around six.”

“shit,” he laughs out, remembering the days he used to be able to pull all nighters in college or dreaded the idea of waking up in the morning. “i can’t remember the last time i was able to stay up past one.”

“you’re not even that old, mr. park,” you tease, not sure where you got the balls to say that and feeling, at least for a few seconds, that you overstepped; but then he lets out a deep, amused chuckle and it causes butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

“not that old, huh?” he quips, your tooth sinking into your lip at the tone of his voice. “you know i’m turning 40 in a few months, right?”

you crane your neck to look at the man in the driver’s seat, swallowing thickly when you see his eyes are already on you. there’s a certain type of lightness and teasing in them that you’ve never seen before, the man always happy and jovial but never like this.

never looking so... teasing and playful.

“yeah,” you say with a growing smirk, not being able to help your own nervous excitement. “that doesn’t seem too bad.”

the deep, low chuckle that leaves him causes your stomach to swoop, eyes wide and the small smile on your face causing him to look over you once more.

it’s shameless and bold but neither of you seem to care in that moment.

“i’ll keep that in mind,” he says, deep brown eyes piercing through yours before his face turns teasing and.. appropriate.. “the next time eunbi tries to call me an old man or something.”

“right,” you chuckle out, cheeks burning and heart pounding as you allow yourself to break eye contact.

the ride to eunbi’s house is just over two hours, hoping and praying that it goes by quickly - because you’re not sure how much longer you’ll be able to be alone, or mostly alone, with him.

you’re thinking too much into his words and his gaze and the way he makes you feel, making you silly enough to believe that, maybe, a part of him wants you too.

the second you arrived at eunbi’s, you had already felt unwelcomed.

not only because of mrs. park, who just about sneered at your presence in her exquisite home, but because of the dozens of other socialites in the immaculately white living room.

it looked and felt almost like a hospital. a white color scheme with black accents, extremely cold and spotless - the only bit of color was in eunbi’s room where it felt like you could actually breathe.

“i’m sorry, i told her not to throw her fucking gathering today,” eunbi complained, grumpy from her nap but still happy to finally be home.

“a bunch of stuck up snobs, i swear to god. they either have to get the stick lodged so far up their asshole removed or get dicked down by their lousy excuses of-”

“eunbi,” you hear her father’s deep voice reprimand, the girl not even feeling the slightest bit of shame or embarrassment for talking that way in front of her father.

“oh, c’mon, dad, you know it’s true!” she whines in a whispered tone. “they’re the worst! and she knew me and y/n were coming today, do you really think that wasn’t a coincidence?”

because, as far as eunbi thinks, she has sinking suspicions that her mom did this solely to make you uncomfortable.

she had already been hesitant to let you stay in the first place, had eunbi not gone full on bitch mode and stubbornly proclaimed she’d spend the break with you at the apartment.

but you didn’t have to know that.

“i don’t care, it’ll just be my first christmas without my family, mom, who cares about that,” she had said, all types of manipulative and toxic behavior that she learned from the best.

she’s sure her mother was sweet and good at one point in her life, she wouldn’t have ended up with her father in the first place if she wasn’t, but money changes people.

wealth and greed and having the power to get anything you want because you flash a stack of money around or write out a check.

“i told her to have them out by dinner,” he said, his eyes moving from eunbi to you, standing there with tense shoulders and a shy, uncomfortable look on your face.

“you’re more than welcomed here, y/n,” he said, his voice low and full of kindness as he stands in eunbi’s doorway. “don’t worry about it, okay?”

you resist the urge to pout at the touched feeling in your chest, looking from the man to eunbi who’s nodding at her dad’s words.

“thank you, mr. park,” you say, a phrase he swears has never effected him this deeply.

and because of that, he’s quick to haul ass out of there. tells you guys that dinner will be ready around seven and to come down whenever.

you and eunbi spend that time in her room to unpack both of your things and watch movies, her king sized bed nearly lulling you to sleep until her loud squeal and bounce of the bed causes you to jump in shock.

“y/n, don’t be mad at me please,” she whines directly in your face, all wide-eyed and cutesy as she looks at you with mock innocence.

“what did you do?” you mumble tiredly, pushing her away with the smallest of sneers.

“i’ll be back for dinner, i promise, but... is it okay if i go to jiwoon’s for a little?” she asks, cocking her head to the side before shimming closer to you. “i have to get railed so bad.”

“jesus christ, eunbi,” you snort, pushing her away again and burying your face in the pillow - you’ve never met someone who overshares as much as she does.

she plops down on her back with an unabashed giggle, popping right back up like an annoying little dog and looking at you with a smile.

“of course you can go, i’m not gonna hold you hostage here,” you say when she pulls your face away, looking at you so expectantly and sweetly, you couldn’t say no if you wanted.

“okay, but i don’t want you thinking that i’m gonna ditch you this whole time. i’m really not, y/n,” she pouts, knowing that was one of the reasons you were apprehensive about coming - that and her bitch of a mother. “i just miss him.”

a pout falls on your face as you look at eunbi and the genuine look on her face.

“bi, i’m serious, go. i want you to,” you insist, moving a piece of her tangled hair away from her face. “we were just gonna be up here anyway. i’ll probably take a nap, i was about to fall asleep before your loud ass-”

“thank you, thank you, thank you,” she says, pulling you into a tight hug before jumping off her bed and rushing toward her door. “i’ll be back a lot more calm and happy. oh, why, you ask? because i’m about to get my back blown the fuck ou-”

you thank god for your impeccable aim, promptly whacking eunbi in the face with one of her pillows.

“get out of here,” you groan, eunbi throwing the pillow back with a smile on her face.

“sweet dreams, y/n!”

you let out a sigh when she closes her door, falling back onto her bed with a soft plop.

you were definitely tired from your anxious pacing this morning but aren’t sure how much sleep you’re gonna get right now, tonight or for the rest of the month.

knowing that you’re unwelcomed by one person, extremely attracted to another and silently betraying the person you should be most loyal too - but as long as it just stays in your head, and you remind yourself that there’s no way mr. park could feel anything back to you, it’ll be fine.

you’ll just get by quietly and smoothly at dinners or in passing through the hallways, enjoy eunbi’s comfortable king-sized bed and the fact that you don’t have to spend yet another holiday alone.

reruns of drake and josh play in the background, keeping your giggles quiet as drake soaks his feet in lizard pee. you feel your eyes grow heavy the more episodes you watch, the shitty laugh track and loud, bickering brothers eventually lulling you to sleep.

it takes about five knocks on the door to eventually stir you, your eyes fluttering open to see mr park’s figure in the doorway. you can only stare at the man as you adjust to him, taking in his tall, slim figure just a few feet away from you.

taking in the way his white shirt clings to his body, broad shoulders and slim torso on display in a way that makes you wish you could see, just for a second, what he looks like underneath that a-

“sorry if i woke you,” his deep voice hums, the slightest bit of amusement in his voice that causes your cheeks to warm. “i didn’t think you’d be sleeping at seven p.m.”

“no, it’s okay,” you stammer out, sitting up in eunbi’s bed. “i... i don’t even know when i fell asleep, to be honest.”

he looks at the screen to see drake and josh playing, a smirk pulling at his lips as his gaze shifts back to you.

“it’s funny,” you defend with a mumble, a deep chuckle leaving his mouth that causes butterflies to erupt in your stomach - he’s far too handsome, everything about him is just far too attractive, even in his laugh.

“that’s what eunbi claims,” he says, remembering all the years of his daughter forcing him to watch ridiculous shows.

despite his daughter’s outgoing nature, she never had a lot of friends growing up.

there was once a small group of girls she hung out but they quickly drifted apart throughout high school, leaving eunbi really only with him and her boyfriend.

the boyfriend who seonghwa really didn’t wanna like out of principal but seeing that the kid really does love his daughter quickly coming around.

“speaking of, where is she? jiwoon’s?”

“yeah,” you tell him, settling back into the pillows and stretching your arms out in front of you. “she said she’d be back for dinner.”

“well she’s wrong, as usual, because dinner’s ready,” he quips playfully, the smirk pulling at his lips causing you to smile back at him. you swallow nervously when his eyes roam over your face, your own gaze trained on him before you see his mouth start to move again.

“do you want me to bring some up for you? or you’ll come down?”

he can see the apprehension on your face immediately, fear crossing your eyes and your arms folding into each other uncomfortably. he tries to ignores the way your soft white sweater dips by your chest, a hint of perky cleavage just barely showing that causes his dick to twitch in his pants.

he doesn’t know when this happened.

he didn’t know when he became a pervy old man who checked out college girls with his wife just downstairs and the knowledge that you’re his daughter’s friend.

“i’ll come down,” you say, surprising him just as he was about to insist he brings some up for you. “she’ll probably be back soon anyway.”

but five minutes pass by, then ten, then twenty and eunbi’s still not home - it’s just you, seonghwa and mrs. park at the long, glass dining room table.

white chairs with high backs and comfortable cushions to match the immaculate, hospital-like color scheme and environment; truthfully, you’ve never been more terrified to eat a plate of chicken parmesan in your life.

the sound of utensils scraping on the china and the crackling of the fireplace a room over are the only noises heard throughout the home, mrs. park taking a swig of wine and gently placing it on the table with a light clack.

“so, y/n,” she finally says, breaking the tension with her rich-sounding, nasally voice. “how has school been, dear? you’re an... art major, am i remembering that correctly?”

“uh, photography, yeah,” you smile tensely, trying to ignore the judgment in her voice.

“ah, so you never switched over to business then,” she hums, her wine glass back in hand as her dark, gorgeous eyes look you over.

you bite the inside of your cheek as you feel a pink flush cover your face, faintly remembering your roommate saving you a few semesters ago when her mom was grilling you about picking a more practical and useful major.

“she can do whatever she wants, mom,” eunbi eventually snapped, “whether she does business or photography or even liberal arts is none of your business.”

“no,” you mutter out, dropping your gaze to look over the intricate pattern on the table. “i thought about it but it wasn’t something i wanted.”

“so you didn’t want something practical? or useful?” she asks, using those two words yet again while cocking her head to the side with a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

“a business degree would’ve been great, y/n. everyone always has connections to somewhere, you could’ve found a job right out of college.”

you bite back the urge to tell her no. that not everyone has connections to multi billion dollar companies or numbers of ceos in their phones or the ceo of a tech company as their next door neighbors.

but instead, the same way eunbi defended you against her mother, seonghwa does against his wife. gives you a soft, sympathetic side eye before placing his larger hand on his wife’s.

“there are tons of jobs in photography too, honey,” seonghwa says, his voice so warm and soft and welcoming compared to hers even despite the slight edge in it.

“and she can travel to build her portfolio. it’s a fantastic opportunity to explore the world and make money. is there a particular type of photography you’d wanna do?”

you feel yourself relax slightly, a small smile on your face as you nod your head toward the striking couple.

“i would love to be a wedding photographer actually,” you mumble, a romantic at heart who’s read and watched far too many novels and romcoms.

“taking pictures of all those moments would be really fun, i think. like when the groom sees the bride for the first time or just everyone dancing and having fun. weddings are usually happy and i like to photography happy things.”

“that sounds perfect for you then,” seonghwa smiles, his brown eyes lighting up and making you feel even more at ease.

“i think you’ll do great, y/n. and you only have a semester left, right? maybe you and eunbi you could travel for the summer before you start your jobs.”

you ignore the swish of dread and anxiety in your stomach at the mention of next semester, instead choosing to smile softly and nod your head at the man.

“i think she’d love that,” you giggle out, knowing damn well your roommate already has an extensive list of cities she wants to visit before ‘real life begins.’

“and how do your parents feel about everything?” mrs. park asks, making your stomach twist with even more dread and discomfort. “are they proud?”

you wish you could fold in on yourself right now, swallowing the growing, nervous lump in your throat.

because not only is she making you incredibly uncomfortable right now, with her harsh looks and topic of conversation and snide little tone, she just mentioned the people you haven’t spoken to since you left home at eighteen.

you don’t know what to say, you have the slightest bit of concern you might throw up on her, when the loud, chipper voice of your roommate floats through the cold, silent house.

“i’m back!” her chipper voice yelps, sock-clad feet running through the house and sliding on the marble floor. “what’d you guys make?”

“you’re late, eunbi,” seonghwa mumbles warningly, an innocent smile on her face as she picks up her plate of food and plops down next to you.

“am i? or are you girls just early?”

“i’m not a girl.”

“it’s a figure of speech, father,” eunbi says, smiling playfully at her father before turning to you.

she’s able to tell the second she sees your face that you’re uncomfortable, the pink flush still lingering on your face and the tenseness of your shoulders making her frown.

“i’m sorry you were alone with them,” she whispers, genuine sorrow in her wide, mock-innocent eyes. “i got held up. or... down, rather, but i tried to leave on time. i promise.”

“uh huh, i bet,” you mumble back, fighting back a smile despite your discomfort.

because eunbi has always had something about her that made it impossible to stay mad at her, her carefree, unfiltered way of communicating that made being her friend so easy.

even if, sometimes, you wanted to kill her.

“so mom,” eunbi quips, turning her soft gaze to you before looking over her mother.

“what was with your little group of bitchy housewives today? you couldn’t have had them over any other day? what kind of christmas disgrace is that?”

“eunbi...” seonghwa chastises lowly, the girl with her brow already quirked and eyes narrowed.

“i can do whatever i want in my home, eunbi. are you forgetting how things work around here?”

“how could i, when i’m met with thirty middle-aged women with botox out the ass in my home the second i get back from school?” she asks, “you didn’t think me and y/n would wanna spend the break, like, resting?”

“you ran off to your boyfriend’s the second you got here,” mrs. park bites back, her glass of wine empty as she pinches the bridge of her nose. “left your friend all alone in your room. what did i tell you about leaving... guests unattended in the house?”

the accusation and direction of conversation is quickly making you feel uncomfortable, your head turned down in your lap and leaving your cheeks aflame.

she’s making it sound like you would steal something in her home for christ’s sake, like you’re not a guest who’s dreaded coming here due to this very reason.

you block out the back and forth between eunbi and her mom, a few more seconds of yappy feminine voices before a deeply spoken “enough,” echoes through the dining room.

you even look up at the sound, watching as mr. park’s eyes rest on you. his eyes narrow as he takes in the sight of your red cheeks, his gaze shifting from you to his daughter to his wife beside him.

“y/n’s here for a month and we’re gonna make her feel welcomed the entire time. if you two are gonna fight, don’t do it at the dinner table.”

“but dad, she totally-”

“maybe you should’ve taught your daughter-”

“no more,” seonghwa growls, a sense of finality in his tone that causes the room to go silent.

you can tell your friend is unbothered by the reprimanding, shoveling food into her mouth and sipping from her wine glass completely unbothered.

sometimes you wish you could be more like her, so unfazed by conflict or loud voices or the strained relationship with a parent.

eunbi was always open with you about the rocky relationship with her mother, saying more than once to you that if it weren’t for her father, she would’ve long cut off any contact with her.

she had never really been there for eunbi growing up, having nannies and chefs take care of her for most of her life - it was her nanny of fifteen years who taught her how to walk and talk, was there with her for all the milestones she met through infancy, childhood and even adolescence.

but even then, eunbi was nonchalant and carefree about it.

saying that she’s not gonna waste her time being upset over it when she knows her mom doesn’t think about her at all. it makes your heart hurt for eunbi, grateful that the girl at least has a good relationship with her father and boyfriend.

and you, of course. you consider her your best friend and you know she does the same - even if sometimes, you wanna pull her hair out.

“i’m gonna go the food store tomorrow, eunbi, so if you and y/n want anything, just text it to me.”

“oooh can we come!” she squeals, knocking her arm into yours like an excited kid in a candy store. “we wanna try making our cookies again.”

“you’re gonna bake?” the girl’s father asks, a look of doubt on his face that causes you to bite back a smile.

“no, we’re gonna bake,” she corrects with snark, “y/n measures the ingredients and stirs, i put it in the oven and watch.”

“right, silly me,” the man hums, a smirk pulling at his lips the more he sees his daughter get irritated. “but of course you girls can come,” he says, his eyes flicking to you for just a few seconds too long.

you can only look back with a small smile, a quiet “thank you,” leaving your mouth that you’re positive he doesn’t catch.

(he did).

you help clean your plate off before you and eunbi go up to her room later that night, once her door’s closed and she’s sitting down shooting her a look of disdain.

“i know you’re mad, okay, i’m sorry, i really am!” she whines, holding her arms out for you to come over. “i tried to leave but he wouldn’t let me. he just kept wanting to-”

“i don’t need the details you sick freak!” you yelp, going over and plopping down on her bed. “ugh, it was just... so awkward. your mom hates me. she was utterly perturbed that i didn’t switch my major to business.”

“ugh, she’s a crotchety bitch i swear,” eunbi says, falling onto her back and looking at you with sorrow in her eyes. “i’m sorry, i really am. i won’t leave you alone with her again, i promise.”

you quirk an unconvinced eyebrow her way, eyes full of doubt and distrust before she throws herself on you and squeals that, at least, now you can have a scary movie marathon without any interruptions.

it seems you also probably should’ve made her promise last night that you’d never be alone with her father either; it didn’t even occur to you at the time, not thinking that she’d really ditch you two days in a row.

but alas, jiwoon’s car pulled up when all three of you were walking out of the house to the g-wagon for the trip to the food store, her shooting you an apologetic look and whispered condolences in your ear.

“i’m technically not breaking my promise because my dad’s nice,” she mumbled, the feeling in your body more nervous and aroused than it is angry and upset.

but she could’t know that.

“and when i break your head? then what, eunbi?”

“i love you,” she giggles in your ear, the playful tone of your voice letting her know she got off the hook again. “it’ll be fine. my dad’s a good man. he wouldn’t ever talk shit to you the way my mom does.”

little does she know how much you want her dad to talk shit to you.

talk to you in a way that’s casual and playful and teasing, like the hints of it you’ve seen in the car or in eunbi’s room when you were alone last night. you just want him to look at you with the slightest bit of something, even though it’s wrong.

not only because of his wife, no matter how big a bitch she is, but because of-

“do you still wanna come with me?”

seonghwa’s voice pulls you away from your thoughts, looking to the man dressed in a long, black jacket and expensive loafers. he looks far too fancy and delectable for a trip to the grocery store.

eunbi is long gone by now, her giggles and carefree run down the driveway and into her boyfriend’s car leaving you and mr. park alone, with only the blue sky and crisp air as your witness.

him looking you over hopefully, with a twinge of teasing and longing in his gaze.

you looking at him full of nerves and excitement, biting down on your lip as you nod your head timidly.

“s-sure, if that’s okay,” you say, looking from him to his car just a few feet away. “it’d be better than sitting in eunbi’s room again.”

a handsome smile crosses his face as he nods his head, heart pounding and throat constricting as you watch him walk toward the car.

he walks around the front of a smaller, sleek suv, your own eyes watching in confusion until he opens the passenger side door.

you can only stare blankly, head cocked to the side as you really start to wonder if this man is about to make you drive his car costing more than your life.

“are you getting in, y/n?” he asks, an amused smile pulling at his lips - almost like he’s making fun of your nervous, intimidated disposition.

you shake your head of the confusion, cheeks flushing in the cold december air as you do an awkward jog toward the car. you dip in beside him as your body hits the cool leather, craning your neck to shoot him a small, grateful smile.

your faces are closer than you anticipated, breath catching in your throat as his gaze watches you closely.

he doesn’t say a word or move a muscle, taking a few moments for his eyes to roam your face and body before mumbling to buckle up.

you wish you knew how long the drive to the store would be, as it would slightly settle you and the thick, awkward tension in the air. it appears to be enough time for the heat to go on, warm air blowing from the vents before he asks if you want your seat heater on.

“oh, sure, thank you,” you mumble, a smile quirking on his lips as he presses down on the small circular button.

more silence lingers in the air as the trees outside you pass by, the bright winter sun and blue sky not making it feel like christmas is only a few days away.

you can’t remember the last time the holidays have actually felt like it, though,  all the lonely days blending into one and feeling as if they were the same.

maybe this year, because you’re surrounded by eunbi and her family, it’ll feel less lonely. maybe you’ll actually enjoy yourself and find that you’ve missed out when you denied her invitation each and every-

“i’m sorry about my wife last night.”

those are words you don’t expect so they shock you even more, looking at the older man beside you with a wide-eyed, confused gaze. his dark eyes are expressionless and casual on the road, one hand on the wheel while the other rests beside him.

“i... what do you mean?” you ask, knowing damn well you understand his apology - and given the unamused look he throws you, he knows you’re full of shit too.

“i don’t think she means to judge you so harshly,” he begins, his deep, smooth voice full of sympathy and softness. “it’s not her place to question your education or major, so i just want to apologize for her.”

“that’s not necessary, mr. park,” you insist, shaking your head as a small, breathy chuckle leaves you. “and it’s not like i haven’t heard it before.”

because no one is ever too confident in any of the arts being your main source of income or profession; even your own parents, although it really wouldn’t matter what you would have chosen, haven’t been supportive.

and you especially haven’t missed the looks of pity or distaste when you tell people on campus or at parties in the frat house, future business leaders or stem majors looking at you like just said the sky is hot pink.  

“well that’s just ridiculous,” seonghwa says, ripping you from your thoughts so you can roam over his strong, handsome face. “it’s a great field to work in and something you’re passionate about. that’s what matters most.”

he can tell by the way your cheeks flush that you’re slightly embarrassed and he can’t help but find it endearing, licking over his lips as his mind begins to wander.

wonder about what other parts of you could flush so easily or what else he could say to really make the pinkness deepen.

“i guess,” you mutter, shrugging your shoulders as you look at the passing oak trees and mansions.

“and... what you said last night about traveling to build my portfolio,” you begin, shocked by the words continuing to leave your mouth. “that’s something i’ve thought about doing. i think it’d be really fun, regardless if i did wedding photographer or not.”

“yeah?” he asks, the smile on his face causing your head to jump. “i think that’d be good, too. where would you wanna go first?”

your lips purse to the side as you think it over, a love for traveling anywhere you could but having an especially strong pull toward the tropics.

“cancun or the maldives,” you answer, the financial aspect of the trip leaving it most likely impossible for you. “it’ll probably never happen, because i’d have to sell my first born, but i’ve always wanted to go somewhere like that. somewhere tropical and fun.”

seonghwa bites his tongue about his multiple trips there, instead letting out a chuckle that causes butterflies to erupt. his eyes are too drawn to your body in the front seat, legs crossed and arms over your lap politely.

“you never know,” he hums, ripping his gaze away before you catch his gawking. “you might get there one day, after being the best wedding photographer the city has to offer.”

“oh, please,” you glggle out, cheeks flushing despite the absurdity of the comment.

you catch the smile that creeps on his face, the same handsome, carefree smile you saw in the car last time.

you try not to let it get to you, let your brain convince you that maybe he likes hanging out with you alone as much as you like it too.

“i’m serious,” he says, the earnest tone of his voice slipping into dad mode in a way he doesn’t even realize. “your parents must be proud.”

you bite down on your lip as you let out a soft, almost scornful, chuckle, a quietly mumbled “yeah,” leaving your mouth that causes his eyebrows to pull together.

he always thought it was a little suspicious that in the four years eunbi has known you, she’s never told him about your parents; as far as he knows, she’s never even seen them.

“she has her scholarship and stuff so she doesn’t really need them,” his daughter said one day, the two of them discussing why you were spending yet another break alone in the apartment.

“but they don’t want her home for the holidays? you told her she was welcomed, right?”

“ugh, about a thousand times,” his daughter groans in the seat, throwing herself against the window dramatically. “i basically begged her, dad, but she said she didn’t wanna intrude. i’m telling you it’s because mom is the biggest fucking-”

“eunbi...”

“you know it’s true!” she squeals, seonghwa biting his tongue in an effort to be the bigger and better parent. “i don’t even know why you guys got married.”

but that’s what happens with teen pregnancies and rich families. how they were destined to marry anyway, due to their parents companies and stupid business politics.

it was one drunken night at his dad’s company party and a broken condom that sealed his fate with finality - made him go from a single, carefree high school student to a married businessman with a child just two short years later.

his wife was good at one point he likes to think, remembering she was gorgeous and sassy and not like the other girls who would drop to their knees for him.

but marriage and a child and just life quickly caught up with them, already trapped in a loveless, pointless marriage by the time he hit 25.

he’d be lying if he said he didn’t stay for eunbi, that they both didn’t stay for eunbi throughout her childhood and now just grew too used to being an unhappy married couple who live separate lives.  

there was never any reason for them to divorce though, no one serious in his or his wife’s lives and the hassle of money and disputing houses and cars and assets far too draining.

“i don’t believe i’ve ever met them,” seonghwa says, pulling into the store parking lot to see it’s less crowded than he suspected it’d be. “what do they do?”

you couldn’t imagine anything more unbearable than disclosing to your friend’s hot dad who you may or may not have feelings for about the messed up relationship with your parents.

it just screams daddy issues, which might say a lot about your very attraction to him in the first place.

“they run a little restaurant back in my home town. it’s about three hours from campus, which is why i don’t really go home for breaks.”

seonghwa hums lowly, nodding his head as he looks at you at a stop sign.

you’re unnerved by the way his eyes roam you, like he can see signs of you being uncomfortable about your parents and wants to know why - but why would he care? you’re only his daughter’s roommate.

“do you miss seeing them?”

you lick over your lips nervously, watching as his eyes darken every so slightly.

he watches each and every of your movements carefully, so in tune with your reactions and breaths you can just feel yourself getting more and more worked up.

not in the slightest, you wanna say. i’ll probably never see them again and have no qualms about it, mr. park.

“i suppose,” you mutter, shrugging your shoulders as you apprehensively meet his gaze.

“you suppose?” he asks, concern etched on his face. “when was the time you’ve seen them? since your freshmen year?”

you avert your gaze as your teeth sink into your bottom lip, in no way wanting to have this discussion at ten a.m. when, much to your pleasure, an impatient car behind beeps at seonghwa’s mercedes.

his dark eyes move to the rearview mirror, narrowed and irritated in a way you can’t help but think is sexy, before he puts his foot off the break and turns into the parking lot.

“i think this person’s leaving,” you mutter when you notice another car go in reverse, seonghwa snatching the spot before the impatient, crotchety lady behind him could steal it.

you can’t help but smirk as seonghwa eyes her when you get out of the car, giving him a look that’s half judgmental and half amused.

“what? she beeped at me.”

“aren’t you supposed to be, like, an adult?”

he rolls his eyes as he takes a cart from the pile, nodding his head for you to go in front and “stop talking back to an elder.”

you can’t help but smirk at his playfulness, taking your spot in the front and pretending as if you always move your hips this much when you walk casually; you would’ve felt embarrassed, had you not turned around a few moments later to see his eyes already on you.

“where to first, mr. park?”

he has to bite back the groan threatening to leave his mouth, reminding himself to keep himself in check this month - starting tomorrow.

“depends, y/n,” he hums, voice far too deep and sultry to be surrounded by innocent bystanders in the grocery store. “what do you want?”

words are caught in your throat and you can only stare dumbly, your plan quickly back firing as he appears to do the same - but it’s gotta be in your head, right?

regardless, it quickly humbles you in the form of a small, unsure shrug.

it’s how you two start walking up and down the aisles, seonghwa putting in what he remembers and items on his mental list while also insisting you put in anything you want.

your arms bump ever so often, softly apologizing and acknowledging it the first few times before you both realize it may be happening on purpose.

you stick close to him when the aisles get tight and crowded, his deep voice telling you to “go ahead,” causing you to swallow shakily. you feel the presence of his hand just a few inches from your hips, lingering and hovering but never fully touching.

it’s finally when you’re in the bread aisle, seonghwa a few feet away talking to the man at the bakery counter, that you decide to put something in the cart.

you would usually never accept someone’s offer to buy you something, already feeling bad about staying with them rent free and eating their meals without compensating.

but the brioche loaf brand is one of your favorites, only sold on occasion at the corner store near campus.

you press up on your tippy toes to grab the bag of bread, stretching your arm up with all your might. the plastic slips through your fingers just as you’re about to snatch it down, letting out an annoyed huff as you pulled down your sweater dress.

you mumble your annoyances before trying again, back on the tips of your toes with your arm raising when you feel a hand on the small of your back.

it’s large and warm and seeping through the thin material of your burgundy dress, a snappy protest about to leave your mouth when you catch mr. park’s face in your peripheral.

there’s a content look on his face as he takes the bag with ease, holding it above your head as his hand moves from your back to your waist with a gentle touch.

you look at him with wide eyes and a pounding heart, his hand on your waist so foreign and strange but... good. something you didn’t even realize you’d been craving until it happened.

the strength and warmth of his hand, though if you think about it just enough, you can feel the weight of his wedding band through the fabric.

“is this what you wanted?”

his voice is deep and low as he speaks to you and you alone, your eyes raising to see him staring down at you. you can’t make out the expression in them, just the darkness in his eyes and the frantic beating of your heart.

you can’t even being to understand the context of his words right now because, yes, this is exactly what you’ve wanted - but he doesn’t know that, right?

“w-what?”

he can’t help the smirk that crosses his face, all sorts of pride and satisfaction and arousal coursing through his veins at your current disposition.

“the bread,” he says, stepping back and holding it out to you. “is this the one you wanted?”

your eyes narrow as you look at him, the smirk on his face, the amusement in his gaze, the playfulness that’s radiating off him - is he fucking with you?

“oh... i... yes,” you finally say, coming to your senses and not allowing yourself to think this way anymore. “that’s the one. i hope it’s okay.”

“of course,” he hums, placing the bread in the cart before going back to the front handles. “you can get anything you want, i already told you that.”

you nod dumbly as you follow beside him, seonghwa picking more things off the shelves and muttering the list to himself as you try to get your shit together.

because yes, you’re attracted to him and yes, you’ve found yourself alone with him for more than two days in a row and yes, there’s been some lingering looks and touches but that doesn’t mean anything.

you can’t let your own deluded thoughts and desires get in the way of reality.

the reality that he’s your friend and roommate’s married father and you’re a college student. he doesn’t want you just as much as you shouldn’t want him so what’s the problem here?

maybe it’s that you’re a 22-year-old woman who’s only been on a handful of dates.

that the last time you made out with someone was when you were drunk and dared to kiss the first guy that walked through the bar (luckily, somewhat attractive and surprisingly polite).

that, maybe, you’re so horribly touch-starved and aching for affection, you’re trying to find it in a hot father figure who’s just as kind as he sexy - and that, you think, is the second most tragic thing here.

because the first would absolutely be thinking that any of this, any of these stares or touches or coincidences of eunbi leaving you two alone, means something.

means that maybe this break is for you two is create an attraction and build some sort of bond and-

“y/n.”

you’re barely able to register seonghwa’s voice before his arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling your body into his taller one and having you pressed up right against him.

you were so lost in thought of him that you didn’t see the older women skirting her cart around the aisle quickly, phone pressed to her ear as she yells to her husband about the christmas ham.

you’re not even sure if she shoots you a look of sorrow or utters any apology, too consumed and distracted by the feeling and proximity of mr. park.

his arm wrapped around you, your body pressed flush up against him, his neck craned down to look at you with a building... something in his eyes. playfulness and teasing but also something darker, something that makes your stomach swoop and renders you unable to move.

“are you always so clumsy and distracted?” he mumbles lowly, his deep voice quiet for only you two to hear - like he knows even in a sea of strangers, he has to keep these interactions quiet.

“what would you do if i wasn’t here to help you, y/n?”

i wouldn’t have been distracted in the first place, you’re tempted to say - but you certainly don’t wanna open that can of worms, especially not in the middle of this grocery store with the way your heart is pounding.

“i... i’m sorry, i was distracted,” you mutter, playing up the damsel in distress just a little bit. “my mistake, mr. park.”

he licks over his lips, swearing his name just being spoken has never effected him like this. he doesn’t even know where this attraction came from, seeing you leave the dorm building yesterday morning and something in his body jumping at the sight of you.

maybe it’s just showing how unhappy he really is with his life, living day to day to just work. hang out with his friends and go to sleep alone - he doesn’t remember the last time his wife touched him, looked at him like she wanted him or made any move to be with him.

he just knows that you showed up, looking so pretty and wide-eyed and coy, and is now about to lose his mind.

“it’s alright,” he says, hoping you don’t hear the thick tension he hears in his own voice, like he’s some idiotic, hormonal young boy. “i think we only have a few more aisles left, anyway.”

he plucks the remaining items off the shelves before you both make your way to the self check-out, him scanning and you bagging because “eunbi says if my career as a photographer fails, i could be the best grocery bagger ever.”

“that’s just because she puts the bread on the bottom,” seonghwa mutters, a smile on your face as you nod your head - she squished one too many of your brioche loafs before you realized bagging just wasn’t for her.

your fingers graze ever so often, the coldness of his tips a stark contrast to your warmer ones.

a particularly big, bulk bag of vegetables proves to be a challenge for you, working through the packed bag with some difficulty. you let out an annoyed groan as you play a dangerous game of tetris, trying not to rip open the brown paper bag.

you finally get the box inside, a little bit prouder than you care to admit, when your precious brioche loaf is dropped right atop. you look up at seonghwa to see him already apologizing, your brow raised as you look at the older man in confusion.

did he think your hand was out? why would he just throw the food at you?

but it’s only when you feel a little more air than normal on your chest that you see what could’ve possibly caused the distraction, the white lace from your bra sticking out.

your cleavage in this dress was hidden for the most part, only becoming a little more obvious when you moved around or packed a shitload of groceries. it makes you bite back a smirk as you put two and two together, looking up to see his eyes still lingering over you.

two can play at this game mr. park.

“mr. park,” you begin, feigning a certain kind of innocence as you place your bread atop the other groceries and finally look up at him. “are you always so clumsy?”

it takes a few seconds for a smile to pull at his lips, the tick in his jaw not going unnoticed to you - so maybe this wasn’t all in your head. maybe he wants you too... possibly.

“you’re funny, y/n,” he mumbles, a smile pulling at your lips as he takes out his black card. “i guess i was distracted, too.”

you swallow the lump in your throat as you feel the slightest hint of arousal run through you, shaking it off and letting out a forced, girlish chuckle.

you pack the car a few minutes later without any lingering eyes or touches, seonghwa telling you about the meals they plan on cooking for christmas.

they usually don’t make their own food for holidays but decided to have a more traditional set up for you and eunbi’s arrival - he also hasn’t cooked a meal for his family in god knows how long.

“that’ll be great, thank you,” you tell him, clicking your seatbelt in as he backs out the spot. “i’m kind of a picky eater but i’ll eat anything you guys provide me.”

“and you have the whole brioche loaf,” seonghwa says, a giggle leaving your mouth as you nod your head.

“true. it’s really good.”

“i’ve never tried, perhaps you’d be willing to-”

his wife’s name popping up on his car dashboard acts as a way to bring you back to reality, brings a certain kind of silence over the both of you for a few seconds.

like he wasn’t just rubbing his body against yours and you weren’t just flirting with him in the form of smirking lips and snarky comments.

you watch a twinge of annoyance behind seonghwa’s eyes, gaze roaming over the screen as if he’s in contemplation before muttering “one second.”

“hello?”

“where are you?” her voice snaps in annoyance, “i told you we had that board meeting at one.”

“and it’s only noon,” his deep voice mumbles, not matching her level of irritation but sounding a whole lot different than a few seconds ago. “me and y/n are coming back now.”

“y/n?” she spats, like it’s a disgusting piece of food she wouldn’t dare put in her mouth. “what about eunbi?”

“she went off with jiwoon before i could get her in the car.”

“so it was only you two?” she asks, the snide judgment and underlying tone in her voice causing your stomach to churn. “did she ask you to buy a bunch of-”

“i’ll be home in twenty and then be on my way over,” he says, cutting her off and hanging up before she can even get another word you.

your stomach churns and a sick feeling comes over you, her utter dislike and disdain for you causing you to bite your lip.

because not only does she not like you to be with her daughter, she doesn’t want you with her husband (although, you suppose, you can’t really blame her for that one).

“i’m sorry about that,” seonghwa winces, the silence lingering between you two heavy. “you could’ve gotten anything you wanted, y/n. this is your christmas too. don’t feel bad about anything, okay?”

you swallow the lump in your throat, your gaze moving to his as he stops at the red light.

your eyes lingering over his and his doing the very same, hand twitching to reach out and move the piece of hair from your slightly flushed face.

and there was something about the way you were both looking at each other, eyes so focused and unwavering and honest, that had you thinking maybe all of this wasn’t in your heads.

but it didn’t mean either of you could act on it - they were just... feelings of lust and wonder and all things forbidden, not seriously believing that a relationship like this could unfold right under the nose of his wife, his daughter and your roommate.

unless the pull was so desperate.

so overwhelming and all-consuming and present between the both of you, little moments couldn’t help but happen.

strike one:

with none other than eunbi as a distraction, the girl promising she wasn’t gonna leave you alone anymore, you were able to take your mind off everything.

the tension-filled, heart pounding moments with mr. park that felt just as wrong as they did right.

you spent a few nights going out with her, jiwoon and all of their high school friends, a surprisingly nice group of young adults who you got along well with.

they were loud and crazy and did far too many shots but they also seemed to be genuinely kind. even the boy who was flirting with you all night, handsome and tall with pretty dark eyes, acted as a good distraction.

grinding up against him as the music pounded throughout the bar, alcohol coursing through your veins allowing you to forget about the older man who’s been living in your head for almost a week now.

“how have i never met you before, y/n?” the boy mumbled lowly in your ear, your head against his shoulder carelessly.

but it was right there in that moment, him saying your name, that the moment was over.

because it just didn’t sound like seonghwa, as delusional as that was.

it didn’t get your heart racing or lips quirking the same way it did when you heard the older man say it. the smile attached to his handsome, mature face and the deep, lowly spoken tone that always held a hint of teasing and sincerity.

“but danny really is so freakin’ nice!” eunbi squeals to you on christmas eve, the two of you in her immaculately white and modern kitchen prepping the chocolate chip cookie cough for tomorrow.

“and you two seemed to be getting along, i saw your ass all up on him.”

“eunbi, that wasn’t me. that was the vodka. i don’t know who that girl was.”

she throws her head back as a loud chuckle leaves her, telling you again that she warned you her snobby, rich little friends have been able to handle their liquor since middle school.

it’s how they cope, she had said, unloved kids with more money than god learning to deal with the world of limitless funds and minimal parental supervision.

“well he hasn’t stopped asking me about you, you know,” she hums, her eyebrows quirked suggestively as she mixes the bowl of ingredients lazily.

“and not just because of your newfound grinding skills, which by the way, are usually learned by the tenth grade.”

your eyes narrow at her comment, throwing a small ball of dough at her that she, impressively, catches in her mouth.

“he really is just, like, so taken by you, y/n. seriously. i told him that you’re graduating this year with a degree in photography and he nearly came in his pants. he loves the artsy girls.”

“you are so vile,” you snort out, shaking your head at the girl sitting criss-crossed on the counter. “and stop saying that. we both know i’m not graduating this year,” you mumble, her face falling pathetically.

“i told you we’re gonna find a way,” she whines lowly, looking at you with all kinds of sympathy and sadness in her eyes - she would offer to pay for you, if she didn’t think you would smack her upside the head.

“oh and what? is my new boyfriend danny gonna do that for me?”

“in exchange for more grinding and a photoshoot, i think. do you want me to try?”

she lets out another giggle despite the way you pinch her leg, peeking inside the bowl with a surprising amount of pride.

"this looks good,” you mumble, swiping your finger to collect some of the chocolate dough.

“hey!” she whines brattily, thrusting a spoon toward your hand just a second too late.  

“why are you whining in here like a child, eunbi?” seonghwa asks, walking through the entryway and the large, white island in the center. “what are you making? please don’t burn the house down.”

“haha dad, you’re so funny,” she mocks sarcastically, jumping down from the counter with her hands on her hips. “where are the baking sheets?”

a simple shrug from her father causes her to roll her eyes, grumbling about how she was really trying to avoid her bitch of a mother today. he holds back his smirk, about to reprimand her before she’s out the kitchen and shouting for her mother upstairs.

it’s only you and seonghwa in the kitchen now, a heavy silence in the air as you stand there dumbly - bowl beside you, cookie dough adorning the top of your finger.

“what are you girls making?” he finally asks, his body moving closer and closer causing you to swallow.

“i... uh, cookie dough. for tomorrow,” you say, lifting your finger and wiggling the tip full of batter. “chocolate chip.”

his eyes move to your finger before grazing over your mouth, his tongue peeking out ever so slightly as he reminds himself to act right.

he hasn’t been alone with you since that day at the food store, just seeing you in passing in the hallways or outside the house as you and eunbi went to and fro.

he hears your giggles at night and tired groans in the morning, quietly yelling at his daughter to wake up and get her ass out of bed.

and he knows it’s probably for the better, that you two don’t find yourselves alone with each other, but he can’t help but feel a rush of excitement right now.

you watch as he moves closer, with the same wide-eyed look you’ve been giving him since he first saw you in your apartment weeks ago.

“ahh, you’re making it from scratch? that’s ambitious.”

“yeah, we googled a recipe,” you tell him, finger still beside you in the air.

you don’t know what causes you to be so bold, maybe him attempting to carry out a normal conversation even though he’s looking at you with so much lust and desire, but you can’t stop once you start.

“how’s it taste?” he asks, his voice deep and slightly strained as he nods his head toward your finger.

you don’t even bat an eye as you slip the tip of your finger in your mouth slowly, swirling your tongue around as you take up all the dough on your skin.

it’s sweeter than you originally thought it’d be but it tastes good nonetheless, keeping your eyes on him as you reamin as innocent and unassuming as possible.

“it’s good,” you say, dropping your finger like you didn’t just make a show of licking and sucking it. “i like it better raw.”

you don’t even realize your words until you see the fleeting look on his face, tongue swiping across his lip and eyes hardening. they roam you so slowly and darkly, you can’t control the growing butterflies and swooping in your lower stomach.

“mm, me too,” he hums lowly, the hardening of his cock in his pants something he hasn’t felt in forever. it’s taking everything in him to control himself, from his eyes popping out of his head to letting out the deepest of growls in the back of his throat.

“do you want some?” you ask, cocking your head to the side questioningly.

he has to desperately hold on to his composure, not think about how easy it’d be to pin you against the cabinet right behind you. take just a few steps closer, have your back against the cold granite and let you feel just how much he wants some.

but he has to play it cool, push down these building desires and ignore your teasing because he’s almost fucking positive that’s what’s happening here.

“want some what?” he asks, his voice lowering just a tad.

he hasn’t played a game like this since college, watching as your eyes widen and brow quirks up.

but he sees that’s exactly what it is when you turn around and face the bowl of cookie dough to him, a smile just as sweet as the cookies on your face.

“cookie dough. before we put them in the oven and possibly burn them.”

the breathy chuckle he lets out leaves your stomach in shambles, his tongue peeking out and poking the inside of his cheek causing a swooping sensation to flood through you.

but before he can even think to say anything, before your eyes can look over his body and make you feel even more warm and bothered, eunbi floats back in and fiddles in the cabinets for the baking sheets.

“that woman is too much, i swear,” she grunts, whipping out the materials quickly before her head snaps to her father. “why are you still here?”

“i wanted some cookies. and to ensure y/n won’t allow you do burn down the kitchen.”

“it was one time, dad, and an accident. how many times do i have to defend myself in this house?”

you let out a giggle as you look from eunbi to seonghwa, your roommate turning her back to set up the practice baking session.

“let’s go bitch! i hope we didn’t fuck this up.”

seonghwa’s eyes roam over you for a few more moments, his tongue swiping across his lips before, finally, leaving the kitchen with his dick hard as a rock.

strike two:

christmas consisted of successful cookies per your and eunbi’s homemade batch, passive aggressive comments from mrs. park about your degree and a whole fuck ton of sexual energy between you and seonghwa.

you could almost always feel when his gaze was boring into you, when you got up to take more mashed potatoes or kept your attention on eunbi as she told her parents about what job she wants to start at next semester.  

it’s also when eunbi almost let it slip about your scholarships, had you not viciously pinched her arm and caused a pained cry to leave her mouth - if you ever thought jiwoon was gonna verbally assault you, it was certainly in that moment.

“why did you pinch me so hard?” she whined later that night, jiwoon passed out on the couch after five too many homemade cookies. “look at my bruise.”

a genuine frown crosses your lips as you look at her arm, rubbing her skin gently as you mumble your soft spoken apologies.

“i’m sorry but i just... i didn’t want your mom to know that,” you say back just as whiney and pathetic. “she already thinks i’m an incompetent idiot. knowing i have to wait a whole year because i’m broke is just too embarrassing.”

it’s an admission that, while eunbi already suspected that, still makes her feel bad - it nearly makes her wanna cry, that you don’t feel welcomed and loved in her home because her mom has to be a judgmental bitch.

“y/n...”

“bi, it’s fine, oh, my god do not cry right now,” you grumble, flicking her in the head lightly.

“i just feel bad,” she cries lowly, moving hrself closer to you and away from her boyfried. “it’s not fair, y/n. you worked so hard and now you have to wait. how could they do this to you?”

a small, touched smile crosses your face at eunbi as you shake your head, dabbing at her watery eyes.

if jiwoon wakes up, he’s literally gonna beat my ass,” you say, smiling when a wet giggle leaves eunbi; you don’t want this time to be sad or upsetting. “i thought he was gonna hit me at dinner.”

“okay if he’s hitting anything, it’s gonna be my-”

“no. no, no, no.”

the snort that leaves her mouth doesn’t help the sinking feeling in her stomach, looking at you with a frown still adorning her face.

“i’m sorry if my mom’s making you feel uncomfortable. she does it to every single person ever and i don’t-”

“it’s fine, please stop apologizing for her,” you say, the sinking reminder in the back of your mind that seonghwa had been doing the very same thing - apologizing for that woman.

“i know she’s stressing you out, too. we’re in it together.”

“that’s true,” she sighs, letting out a long, dramatic groan before resting her head on your shoulder. “i’m so bloated, i don’t think i’m ever gonna be able to eat again.”

and it was funny that, days after the holiday, eunbi was still convinced that she was bloated from christmas dinner.

“babe, i don’t even think that’s possible,” jiwoon consoled her, you and him sitting in her room as she gets ready to go down to the pool.

because, naturally, like everyone in this godforsaken rich town, they get ready to go to the pool that’s inside of their homes; when eunbi told you to pack a bathing suit back at your apartment, you looked at her like she was insane.

until she clarified that her pool is heated and, conveniently, indoors.

“just through the backyard,” she had said - and she truly meant it.

just a few yards away from the main deck area, with floor to ceiling glass windows that showcase the extravagant landscaping and, of course, the outdoor pool and jacuzzi just a few feet away.

“eunbi, this is insane,” you say, marveling at the sight before you.

“don’t you wish you came sooner?” she asks with a wink, your eyes rolling as you place down your towel.

you had the option to bring two bathing suits - a skimpy black one you don’t remember being so scandalous or a red one you remember eunbi insisting you buy last summer.

and you just knew it was because danny was coming, currently showcasing his impressive eight pack that, truly, just doesn’t do it for you - maybe if he was twenty years older, apparently, and somebody’s father and husband.

you shake the thoughts out of your head, walking a few steps toward the pool before eunbi tackles you from behind. you both land with a loud splash, followed by the excited shouts and loud splashes of her other friends.

you’d be lying if you said you could remember the last time you had this much fun, splashing and giggling and acting so carefree despite the many challenges you’ll have to face soon.

but that’s not any of your concern right now, currently sitting atop danny’s shoulders and trying to knock down eunbi in a game of chicken.

“you little bitch! get your nails out of me!”

“coming from the girl who literally just tried to choke me two seconds ago!”

“like it’s your first time being choked!”

and you don’t know whether jiwoon was shocked by you saying that statement or the fact that his girlfriend exposes all of her sexual kinks to you but alas, it did the trick in sealing you a victory.

a smug smile on your face as danny jumps up and down in excitement, your body bouncing and nearly falling over him had you not gripped onto his shoulders.

it’s at that time eunbi pops up from the water, hair a soaking mess and mascara running down her face. she’s about to open her mouth, probably to yell at you, before a volleyball is thrown through the air and just misses her face.

instead, it hits danny square in the head. the boy letting out a yelp before you promptly fall backwards in the water, hearing eunbi’s shrill squeal and giggle on your way down.

you pop up and throw her a dirty look, danny rubbing at the back of his side before apologizing profusely.

“it’s okay,” you giggle out, about to say you shouldn’t have been up there for so long before eunbi’s squealing in the air.

“dad, what the hell kind of aim was that!”

you feel your body stiffen before you quickly shoot around, none another than mr. park standing there looking as handsome as ever.

he puts the young men around you to shame, good-looking, muscular college boys who anyone in their right mind would find attractive - but they just don’t beat him.

his striking eyes or tall, lean stature or the fact that he’s just so fucking-

“got worse with age, bi, what can i say?” he chuckles, extra white fluffy towels in his hold that he places on the chair. “sorry, danny.”

seonghwa’s known danny for a few years now, one of jiwoon’s friends who seems... alright. not a bad guy but also not a good guy - just kind of there; but it didn’t occur to the man just how much he was bothered by him until he saw you on his shoulders.

because he could’ve put you in danger, of course. put you in danger at his house where if things got bad, he’d be responsible; as for the ball, it merely slipped from his finger tips.

“no problem mr. park,” the kid smiles, the other friends gathering around and looking at him expectantly. “we’re gonna play a round of volleyball. you in?”

“no. no dads allowed,” eunbi whines, seonghwa rolling his eyes at his bratty adult daughter.

“why not? because i’m better than all of you, eunbi?”

“oh please,” she grumbles lowly, rolling her eyes and grabbing you to lead you toward the stairs. “you know what, we’re going in the hot tub anyway. since she decided to rock my shit in chicken. enjoy my father traitors,” eunbi grumbles to jiwoon and his friends.

“i did not,” you protest weakly, feeling two pairs of eyes on you as you make your way out of the pool with your friend.

the first thing that strikes seonghwa, apart from the major twitch in his pants, is how skimpy your bikini is.

red bottoms with thin straps holding it up, a matching red top showcasing cleavage and beauty marks on your chest and all the things that are proving to drive him fucking crazy upon seeing you every day.

it’s taking everything in him to control the growing ache in his shorts, your eyes looking at him so coyly and attentively that you’re ignoring the college boy gawking at you right in front of him.

there’s a certain sort of twisted pride in his chest, you giving him attention and seemingly reciprocating his interest, when there’s someone younger right there for you.

younger and unmarried and more suitable for you. someone you can actually be with where it wouldn’t be considered dirty or wrong or secretive; but maybe that’s why you’re both drawn to it in the first place.

that, and because you’re both really hot.

“he’s literally hot, y/n! why don’t you like him?” eunbi whines to you, the two of you sitting across from one another in the hot tub outside.

the december air is crisp but feels nice comapred to the steaming water you’re gratefully submerged in. anything to take you away from mr. park shirtless and wet in the pool right now.

“i do like him, bi,” you mutter, trying your best to convince her and now seem suspicious.

“okay, yeah, as a person but who cares about that!” she whines, flopping her hands dramatically in the water. “you don’t want him to rail you.”

“eunbi!” you squeak, splashing in her direction as a warm, embarrassed blush rises to your cheeks.

“i’m serious y/n. you’ve never been railed before and danny’s such a good option. he’s hot and he’s sweet and he’s so pathetically into you, it’s a little sick.”

you don’t know what to say so you don’t say anything, shooting her a look that screams can we please not talk about this because you don’t know how much i actually wanna be railed by your father so let’s stop this discussion.

but she only rolls her eyes, moving herself closer to you so she can tug at your arm annoyingly.

“is he just not your type?” she questions, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion for a few moments before utter shock crosses her face.

“wait, what is your type? it’s... men, right? have i been hooking you up with the wrong gender this whole time?” she asks in disbelief, “could we have been hooking up this whole time?”

you press your lips together so you don’t burst out laughing, dryly replying “yes, eunbi, i’m into men.”

but the more you think about it, the more you think maybe you don’t have a type.

“and i’ve... never really thought about it before, to be honest. i just know i’m not into like... frat guys or whatever.”

because any party you’d been to, any douchey college guy wearing a backwards hat or cut off shirt, you had never been more disinterested. you couldn’t ever picture yourself falling for someone like that, romantically or sexually.

the one time you remember thinking someone was hot was when you took film and lit with your 31-year-old professor.

“so older guys?” eunbi concludes after hearing that, a smirk on her face as she raises her eyebrows playfully. “we gotta scope out some golf courses or retirement homes?”

“please,” you scoff, a giggle leaving her mouth as she throws her head back gleefully.

“okay, really though, i’ll tell danny you’re not interested and to stop trying so hard if you’re really not interested.”

but maybe danny as a distraction will be good.

will make you see that, perhaps, someone single and your own age and not your best friend’s father will be good thing for you to explore.

so you shrug lightheartedly, the smirk on your face causing eunbi to let out a low “oooh shit.”

you look over at her and your smile only widens when she knocks your shoulder, saying that you’re looking to be a play girl and drain a rich, lovesick man of some christmas presents.

“yeah, right! why drain a rich man when i can drain my best friend,” you tease, looking around her yard and still in astonishment that this is really her life. “i mean, two pools? is that really necessary?”

“three actually. there’s one behind the guest house on the other side. a small one. very humble.”

“oh, a small one, okay. great.”

she lets out another giggle, the two of you talking over plans for new years eve.

you might go up to jiwoon’s parents house in the mountains for the weekend, spend the time drinking with the small group of friends you’ve come to genuinely like over these past few weeks.

“it’s only two hours away so it won’t be that bad either,” she says, getting up to shake the hot water off her arms. “i’ll be right back, i have to pee.”

you nod your head, grateful she didn’t piss in the pool and allowing yourself to sit there, eyes closed, body relaxed, in the silence.

you can hear the faint screams of the boys from the indoor pool area and the swish of the hot tub filter, peeking open your eyes when, suddenly, you think you hear a boom of thunder in the distance.

you watch the sky darkening and clouds coming in, signaling a storm is coming in soon and quick. a sigh leaves your mouth, enjoying your last few moments of peace before finally standing in the hot tub.

the crisp winter air blows and sends goosebumps up your arms, a shiver running through your body as you attempt to splash some hot water on your upper body.

you don’t know how you know someone’s watching you but you do, some sort of strange intuition within you looking up to see none other than mr. park standing a few feet away from the hot tub.

his dark hair is wet and hanging in his face, swimming trunks soaked and his exposed chest still dripping chlorine water.

you press your lips together as your eyes roam his chest, a hint of abs on his lean stomach that causes a small, strangled groan to leave your mouth - you will never understand how this man is pushing 40.

but the same way you’re looking at him, he’s looking at you.

water covering your body, currently hunched over trying to warm the rest of your body; but it’s when you stand he really starts to gawk, your figure standing full and tall and giving him a perfect view of your hardening nipples from the cold crisp air.

you can see the lust in his eyes the same way you know he can and you’re about to do something to just make him crack. mistakingly untie your bottoms, catching them at the last second so he thinks he’s about to get a peak.

or undo the back of your top and pout at him, ask him to please tie it back for you because it’s way too hard to reach behind and do it yourself.

or maybe you’ll just drop to your knees right there, try to see if there’s any hint of a bulge in his swimming trunk bottoms and-

his body is gone just as fast as he arrived, confusion covering your face before you shake your head of your perverted thoughts - dropping to your knees when his daughter and wife are right here, what the fuck is wrong with you today?

you blame eunbi, all her talk about getting railed when you’ve been wanting to jump her father’s bones.

you carefully make your way out of the hot tub, not wanting to eat shit and scarp your leg on the concrete.

it feels like you’re about to freeze in the cold, another shiver wracking your body before you turn to stick your cold, goosebump-ridden arms back in the hot tub. it warms you for just a few seconds, a low, satisfied hum leaving your mouth before you hear footsteps coming up from behind you.

something in you tells you it’s him again.

whether it be the way your body heats up and feels prickly, the obvious feeling of eyes burning into your exposed back causing you to remain still and oblivious.

but you can longer remain oblivious a few seconds later, when a tall body is just a few inches away from completely pressing against you.

“you forgot a towel,” is all he says, placing it on the wet rim of the hot tub.

when he leans forward to place the white towel down, he’s careful and meticulous with his movements. brushing up against you every so slightly and carefully that you can feel his hard bulge on your ass for a few seconds too long.

at first you think you’re crazy, feeling what you were trying to envision in your head, but then you absolutely know it there’s.

you can feel the wetness from his bathing suit on your legs, his cock right there resting on the thin, red fabric of your bikini bottoms and if you were as weak as you felt inside, if he stayed there just a little bit longer, a moan would’ve absolutely left your mouth.

if you pushed back just a little to feel more of his cock on you, grind your ass his hardness just enough to hear him let out a low groan or maybe curse a little.

but he moves away, almost like he knew the perfect amount of time before that happened and almost like he did it by accident - but when you turn around and see the look in his eyes, you know it wasn’t.

the same way he can see a palpable desire and surprise and tension in your gaze, causing him to suppress a growing smirk. it makes you wanna tease him back in whatever way you can but you know that eunbi’s due back from the bathroom at any moment.

so you only cock your head to the side, lick over your lower lip carefully as you grasp the towel in your hands gently.

“thank you, mr. park,” you say, your voice as airy and sweet as you can possibly make it without sounding like an idiot.

“you’re welcome, y/n,” he says, taking a few steps back as his eyes lock on you. he stays there for a few moments until he hears the door to the pool house open.

you watch his lustful, dark expression change right then and there, a towel wrapping around his lower body and his face stretching into a happy, father-approved look.

“so you’re good with anything for dinner, y/n?” he asks, his voice loud and clear enough for his approaching daughter to hear. “i know you mentioned you were picky.”

“let’s get pizza!” eunbi screeches through the air, telling seonghwa that everyone’s staying over and they’ll need at least four boxes.

but you can’t even think about pizza right now, not when this moment right here is solidifying the crazy thought in your head that your best friend’s dad wants you just as much as you want him.

you called him out later that night around one a.m., after eunbi and jiwoon were the last to pass out to your scary movie marathon.

the others were sprawled out on the basement floor, an intricate array of blankets and pillows on the floor that you attempted to weave through, both, skillfully and quietly.

there was a dryness in your throat that could only be settled by a cold glass of water, making your way through the house quietly and praying you don’t run into mrs. park.

she’s been just as passive aggressive as she usually is in front of people so you could never imagine being alone with her. wondering what the hell she’d say to you without seonghwa and eunbi as buffers.

you were relieved when the lights were off in the kitchen, padding your way to the fridge to take out a bottle of water. you twist and turn the cap off to gulp down the cold liquid in the refrigerator light, a quiet gasp leaving you as your thirst is quenched.

you briefly consider going up to eunbi’s room to sleep tonight, not sure how you feel about being squished in with eunbi and jiwoon cuddling on the couch, when the light suddenly flicks off.

it causes you to freeze and halt all thoughts, fear running through you for all three seconds before you see seonghwa’s tall, familiar figure pass you. you watch him carefully in the dim light of the fridge, his shirtless chest yet again right in front of your face.

leaned back against the counter across from you, giving you a perfect view of his toned chest and gray sweatpants.

“midnight snack?” he asks, the smirk on his face almost causing you to roll your eyes.

instead, your lips quirk into a small smile. raising your water bottle by your head and shaking it, the water swishing in your pounding ears.

“just water,” you respond quietly, matching his low tone. “i hope that’s okay.”

“that you took water? of course, y/n,” he says, amusement in his gaze as he looks you over.

you’re freshly showered and in a pair of pajamas, matching pink sets that eunbi got you for christmas one year - he remembers because he was with her when she bought it.

a soft smile crosses your face, your back getting cold from the open fridge but not daring to move a muscle. not with him looking at you the way he is and with his body just a few feet away from you.

a silence lingers in the kitchen, you not sure why he’s looking at you and him waiting to see if you say something, before he bites the inside of his cheek.

“i wanted to say sorry about before.”

your eyebrow quirks up, interest so clearly peaked as you cock your head to the side.

“what do you mean?”

a smirk crosses his face as he watches you play dumb, head cocked and eyes wide and everything about you with such mock innocence, he thinks that’s what’s driving him the most crazy.

that you do this shit and say certain things with almost complete unawareness and innocence, if it weren’t for the hidden look of desire and teasing in your eyes.

“you know,” is all he says, his voice dipping and eyes twinging darker, it makes your lower stomach swoop.

a part of is positive, even if you ask, he’s not gonna say it aloud.

he’s not gonna say or acknowledge any of this aloud and make you guys play this game until you leave in a few weeks.

and then when you leave, unsure about your next prospects of college or education or even living arrangements, who knows if you’re ever gonna see him again.

so you only hum lowly, closing the fridge behind you and leaving you both in darkness. the only source of light is from the moon outside, lighting up half the kitchen from the large bay window.

it leaves you both incredibly exposed, anyone from the outside able to see the two seemingly innocent bodies standing toe to toe with each other; but they don’t see the lustful looks and eyes full of desire, both of you so entrapped by the other, it’s obvious with the tension in the air.

“oh, well, then... it’s okay, mr. park,” you say with a smile, taking a step back as your eyes roam his chest one last time. “i didn’t mind.”

you’re about to say goodnight when you see his arm reach out, shocked but oh, so ready ready to give into your desire and feel your body crash against his or your lips connect finally.

moan into his mouth and feel more of his hardness against you - but he only takes the water from your hand, presses his mouth against the plastic rim and swigs down a big gulp.

you watch with wide eyes as his adam’s apple bobs in the moonlight, head tipped back and body perched calmly on the counter as he takes a swig of your water bottle, spit exchanged and his mouth right where yours was.

he pulls back with an unreadable expression, licking the excess water from his lips before simply closing the cap, holding out the bottle and smiling at you with the most wise-ass smirk you’ve ever seen, you’re not sure how you’re ever gonna one up this man.

"sweet dreams, y/n.”

strike 3:

your new years weekend get away turned into an extended stay that consisted of sleeping on a lumpy air mattress, five extra guests and so much alcohol, you’re positive you’re still hungover three days later.

“it wasn’t that... we only did a... i mean it wasn’t like we were....” eunbi says, the two of you laying on her bed nursing headaches and body aches to the severest degree.

“okay, it was pretty bad. we were kind of rowdy and out of control.”

“you don’t say?” you grumble, never one to black out and get that shit faced and then doing it nearly every night - maybe to deal with danny’s pathetic soft looks or whispered sweet nothings to you.

“nothing is working either. not advil or water or greasy food. we might’ve fucked ourselves for life, bi.”

but if there’s one thing that always helped for eunbi, it was a nice, long bath. steaming hot water that burned her skin and the prettiest bath bombs to make the entire bathroom smell of strawberries and cream.

so even though you didn’t want to, nothing more comfortable than eunbi’s king size bed and warm, fluffy comforter, you allowed the girl to drag you to the bathroom down the hall to set up ‘your last resort, hangover paradise.’

it consisted of every type of bath bomb and lotion and bubble bath the luxurious could dream of, sending her out immediately when you saw her sneaking in with a glass of champagne.

“are you crazy?” you ask, dipping your toe in the water to test the temperature. “that’s what started this disaster.”

“fine, more for me!” she squeals happily, turning down the lights and pressing the bluetooth button for your phone’s music. “enjoy. i’ll see you in an hour, completely hangover free.”

“we’ll see about that,” you grumble, your words falling on deaf ears as she locks and closes the door to makes her way back to her ensuite.

and as much as you wanna give eunbi shit for her pompous tactics and techniques for everything in life, you have to say that this is certainly helping.

soaking in the steaming hot water, with cucumbers on your eyes and quiet music playing through the ceiling speakers. the jets in the tub also added another layer of relaxation to it, healing your sore muscles from days of waking up on a hard, wooden floor.

the mirrors were steamed and the room was boiling by the time you got out, stepping on the fuzzy bath mat and drying yourself off with a towel. you had tried not to get your hair wet but it proved useless, your relaxed body sinking further and further down until nearly your whole head was wet.

you stretch your arms above your head as you let out a content groan, feeling the best you’ve felt in three days and ready to take a nap.

but it’s at that moment, looking around the large steaming bathroom, that you realized you didn’t bring a change of clothes in. meaning you’ll know have to walk done the hall and into eunbi’s room in just a towel.

it’s fairly late, almost 11:30, so you’re hoping that her parents are in their rooms and fast asleep by now.

you peak your head out, feeling like a spy in a cheesy action movie as you look up and down the hall. you turn off the light once the coast is clear, walking quietly but quickly down to eunbi’s room - or wing, as it could be considered

you’re almost out of the gate, just a few more steps until you round the corner down eunbi’s hallway, when seonghwa’s tall figure is coming right up the stairs.

his head is down as he looks at his phone, still in his dress shirt and tie from his long day at work. you noticed that after the holidays, he’s been around the house less - working from home when he can but also needing to go into the office more often than not.

he’s at the top of the stairs when he finally notices your figure watching him, wrapped in a towel with a flush on your cheeks and your wet hair dripping on the floor.

it seems to be the thing to break him right now, not able to tear his eyes away or think of any fun, flirty comments to keep you from suppressing the need to roll your eyes.

because his days have been long and stressful and the only thing he needs right now is to just get off - and then there you are like something his prayers have answered, standing there quiet and awestruck at the sight of his loose tie and messy black hair he’s been running his hands through all day.

“h-hi, mr. park,” your quiet voice says, sweet and soft-spoken and utterly apologetic, like you’re embarrassed to be caught in just your towel - and he supposes that would make sense, to feel embarrassed about getting caught like this your friend’s father.

but he can’t find it in himself to care right now, two seconds away from dragging you down to his office so he can finally fuck you over his desk - but he knows that would be the worst decision in the world, for countless reasons.

“hi, y/n,” he grumbles back just as low, leant against the railing with a voice that sounds defeated and gruff.

“are you okay?” you ask, something about his voice and demeanor off.

he has to hold back a strangled laugh, his lips quirking up before he bites down on his lip.

“i’m... i’m fine, thanks. work’s just busy,” he says, a certain part of his chest warming at the fact you even asked - he knows his wife won’t when he walks in their bedroom in a few minutes.

“oh, okay,” you respond, twirling with the end of your towel nervously. “well... i’m sorry to hear that.”

he allows himself to let out a chuckle this time, shaking his head as he looks over your bare, wet face; you’re too pretty for your own good, he’s not even sure you realize just how pretty you are.

just how much he really wants you and just how much he’s coming to like seeing you in his house everyday.

“it’s alright, that’s why you gotta do something you love, right?” he quips, his long fingers up to recreate a camera, pressing down as if to snap a photo.

it cause you to let out a soft, genuine giggle, nodding your head and easing the slight embarrassment of him catching you in a towel.

“right,” you say with a smile, shy smiles and gazes shared until you finally look away in fear of your cheeks warming again.

but it doesn’t stop him from admiring the view of you, your bare face and exposed chest before the towel covers up all the parts he wants to so desperately explore.

he pictures dropping your towel and hearing it fall to the floor with a plop, take in the sight of your perky boobs and hard nipples in the air.

drop his mouth just a little bit to your neck, pressing small kisses against your skin as his fingers knead your nipples, all the quiet moans and breaths to make sure you two don’t get caught shooting right to his cock.

he probably wouldn’t be able to control himself, sliding a finger into you right then and there in the middle of the hallway, pressing your back against the wall to have you trapped against his larger body.

he’d pump his finger in and out of you slowly and tauntingly, hearing how wet you are and feeling how tight you are. it’d be similiar to how this past month has just been both of you taunting and teasing and beating around the bush, occasionally letting his fingers curl to his your g-spot or graze your sensitive clit.

and then he’d drop to his knees to taste you. make sure he sucks and licks and takes your clit in his warm mouth that you’re-

“i should get back to eunbi,” you finally say, breaking the silence and ripping him from his dirty, hidden fantasies. you can’t take the lust and desire in his eyes that you see when he looks at you, an painful ache building between your legs more and more.

“goodnight, mr. park.”

you nearly run into eunbi’s room and slam the door had you not seen her sleeping form, passed out right there in the middle of her bed wearing a baby pink robe.

you look beside her to see an extra one laid out, a silky lilac one that causes a small smile to cross your face.

you’ve never felt material like this on your skin, basking in the feeling of the smooth, silky material as you clean up her room quietly - both to tidy up and distract you from the ache in your legs and last encounter with her father.

for eunbi growing up with housekeepers and nannies her whole life, it always surprised you how clean and tidy your roommate was; the sink was never full of dishes and you alternated vacuuming the living room carpet.

but it’s obvious all of that is a facade because since the moment she got home, her messy ways have shown through - you find it endearing, though, and it’s all very eunbi: a homey, lived in mess of luxurious items and articles of clothing worth more than your childhood home.

the girl in question had moved to the right side in her sleep as you cleaned, a quiet chuckle leaving your mouth. you look to see both your water bottles are empty, deciding on the brave decision to go downstairs to grab two new ones.

the last time you’d done that, you thought for sure mr. park was gonna jump your bones - and you know you were gonna let him.

your mind is littered with memories of that night as you make your way through the dark house of twists and turns, carefully going down the stairs as you walk toward the kitchen.

there’s a room with beautiful double doors on your left, a room you’ve walked past hundreds of times throughout your stay here. eunbi told you it was her dad’s first floor office, where he usually worked and had his meetings from home.

the first thing you notice from down the hall is that the door is slightly cracked open, a peak in from the dimly lit kitchen showcasing some fancy decor of a globe.

as you make your way closer and closer, your ears are met with a quiet, strangled groan that causes you to stop in your tracks; your mind begins to race with a million different scenarios of what you could be walking past right now.

your first thought is that you’re about to see mr. and mrs. park in a very compromising position over his desk - and, as sick as it sounds, as delusional and crazy and absurd as it sounds, that prospect makes your stomach sink and twist painfully.

but that would be normal, you suppose; they’re a fucking married couple after all and seonghwa had seemed stressed from work. obviously he was gonna ask his wife to help calm him down and relax him.

get all of his stress out in the form of-

you shake your head before you can even think about it, forcing your feet to move past the office doors.

and it’s like you can’t even stop yourself from peeking in, confirming to see if your thoughts are correct and you’re about to be gutted, when you take in the sight before you.

seonghwa still in his loose tie and white dress shirt, pants around his ankles and his head thrown back in his office chair as his own hand jerks his cock off.

everything about it is dirty and wrong and you know you shouldn’t be looking in but you can’t stop.

you can’t stop watching the way his hand works around his cock expertly, long and thick and so fucking nice it nearly makes you drool. the thought of you on your knees before him, taking him in your mouth and licking and sucking around the tip, making you bite back a moan.

you can’t stop your eyes from looking at his face, his head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut with his neck on display - perfect for you to bite and give hickies, if you were on top straddling him.

you can’t stop the painful ache and wetness seeping in your thong as you watch him get off, his groans and grunts and heavy breaths making you wanna whine out in arousal.

and it’s that suppression right there, getting so worked up and horny over the sight of your peeping tina activities, that cause you to pull yourself away.

because as much as you don’t want to and as much as you wanna help him, you can’t.

you can only scramble into the kitchen and get water as fast and quiet as humanly possible, scurrying past the office and up the stairs with the stealthiness of a lion.

you can only lay in bed with the thoughts of your roommate’s father and the noises he makes, the sight of his cock and the hand movements replaying over and over in your mind.

and you realize that night, with only a few more days until you both have to leave for the spring semester, you can only hope to never see mr. park again.

let this flirtation and fascination and utterly screwed up infatuation with your roommate’s dad be nothing but a dirty memory you’ll keep to yourself for the rest of your life.

because if it’s not, if you have to see him again and have him in your daily life again, you won’t be able to hold yourself back.

your lust will turn deeper and you’ll find yourself in a much bigger issue than damp underwear and secret, forbidden moments with mr. park seonghwa.

you should’ve known with only two days left of your stay that eunbi was gonna let the news slip.

you were at least grateful for the fact that mrs. park had a charity ball with her clan of “botox getting, bitchy sounding gold diggers who need to desperately get laid,” successfully riding her of your last friday night dinner.

“so you girls don’t want a new apartment then?” seonghwa asked, glass of wine in his hand as he looks at the two of you questioningly. “that building’s looking for a new owner, eunbi, i think it’d be perfect for you both.”

“dad don’t be ridiculous, we can’t own the building!” eunbi says, swatting her dad playfully as she shovels a piece of food in her mouth. she’s casual and comfortable without her mom’s prying eyes and biting tone, her foot resting on the white fabric beneath her.

“and besides, i might be alone in there soon. we still don’t know if y/n is gonna be starting her-”

you kick the girl under the table roughly, her face pulling into a wince as a cry leaves her mouth.

“ow, y/n! what the he-”

but it’s upon seeing your white face and annoyed expression that she realizes what she said, her mouth falling open and silent as she looks at you apologetically.

“oh shit...”

you can only shoot her a pained, sarcastic smile, daringly looking at seonghwa who’s watching the two of you with a curious expression.

“what do you mean?”

silence hangs in the air, you and eunbi sharing side eyes and dejected looks with her dad before he cocks an eyebrow at the both of you.

“girls... what do you mean?” he asks, his voice deeper and more serious, taking on a dad-like tone eunbi isn’t used to hearing from her relaxed, playful father.

and that’s when, before eunbi can open her big mouth any further, you calmly and regretfully explain the situation with your scholarship.

how you got an e-mail a few months ago about alternate funding for the art department and that you were one of the many students who, while keeping up your end of requirements, could not be awarded money.

“it’s awful that they can do that,” seonghwa says, his eyes full of the same sympathy and outrage eunbi’s held - except he knows that this happens all the time. that it’s unfair and sick and a big ploy in the education system that needs incredible reform.

especially when it hurts students like you.

“yeah but it is what it is,” you say, trying your hardest to steer the conversation to literally anything but this (in fear that you’ll scream or start crying or have yet another anxiety attack).

“i can just finish up in the fall, it’s no big deal,” you lie through our teeth, a sad smile on your face as you look at eunbi. “i’m just sorry it messes up our combined graduation party.”

a frown crosses eunbi’s face as she smacks you in the arm, pulling you closer to her just so she could cuddle herself into your arm.

“i will wait for you,” she proclaims dramatically, a pout on her lips and starry-eyed look in her gaze. “i will wait as long as i have to. if they delay it any further, father, you will simply have to sue the school.”

“father, huh?” seonghwa hums lowly, his lips quirking into a smirk.

father is the term eunbi uses when she wants to use him and his money, whether it be blackmailing unfair teachers or shitty students or calling for him when her and her mom are fighting.

“yes, father,” she says, looking to you with a sweet, apologetic smile on her face.

“i’m serious, y/n. we got your back,” she quips with a wink, a pained smile on your face that she knows means you can’t wait to let her have it when you two are alone.

“you had one job, eunbi, and you were doing so good,” you say in her room later that night, pacing back and forth as she sits on her bed like a scolded child. “literally two nights left and you let it slip out!”

“i’m sorry, okay!” she whines for the ninth time, a pout on her face as she plays with fingers; you wanna roll your eyes seeing it, knowing for a fact that’s something she does when she’s in trouble with jiwoon.

“i didn’t mean to, it just slipped out!” she begins to defend, “and it was only my dad! he wouldn’t dare say a bad word about you, y/n, he loves you.”

you ignore the twinge in your chest when you hear her say those words, feeling a tad guilty at the bodily reaction you have about her own father. how much you’re hiding from her and that you have these suppressed feelings and secret moments in the first place.

“loves me or not, bad word or not, it’s still embarrassing, eunbi,” you say, a frown on your lips as you start to hear the situation aloud. 

“i still can’t pay for my tuition and have to wait almost a whole year to take a degree in fucking photography. like how embarrassing is that, all of this just for me never find a job and live in a box.”

you’ve only seen a flash of anger on eunbi’s face a few times in your life, the incident with the dorm girls and her dad and when a sorority girl tried to kiss jiwoon at the bar.

and you see it right now, her small but mighty frame jumping off the bed and lunging toward you quickly.

“are you kidding me!” she squeals, smacking you in the arm and pushing you down on the bed.

“what the hell do you mean a degree in fucking photography? or living in a box? you’re gonna be the best photographer in the world and shoot every event in my life and charge me quadruple the amount!”

a smile pulls at your lips as you hear her go on and on, hype you up and build up your confidence and tell you to never talk that way about yourself again. how there’s nothing embarrassing about not being able to afford thousands of dollars when you were alerted about the expense on such short notice.

“okay, okay, i know that,” you eventually give in, letting out a sigh as you flop down on her bed. “it’s just.... stressful. i can’t move back home but i also need to get like, a real job. a job that’s gonna pay well so i can save up as much as possible.”

“and we’ll find you that when we get back,” she says, assuring with a confident look in her eye and her hands in yours. “i can promise you, with or without my father’s connections, we’re getting you a job.”

her words prove to reassure you for the remainder of the night, when, after she kisses your ass a little more, asks if she can go to jiwoon’s for a little.

you spent that time in her room looking at nearby job offerings and building up your resume and cover letters, working well into the night hours with a text from jiwoon that she fell asleep and will be back in the morning.

you stretch your arms above your head with a quiet groan, noting it’s almost one o’clock and you’re fucking parched yet again.

it’s no surprise to you when the lights in the kitchen are on, dimly light and no noise around as you pad your way to the fridge.

you almost expect the footsteps that come in a few moments later, when you take a sip from your water and close the fridge without hesitation.

“have you told your parents about tuition?”

you’re confused by the statement that leaves seonghwa’s mouth, brows pulled together and a sinking feeling in your stomach at this conversation again - because as if tuition wasn’t enough, he just had to bring up your parents.

but you don’t wanna beat around the bush any longer; you two seem to do that enough.

“me and my parents don’t talk,” you say, straight forward and quiet as you look right at him.

it’s the first time he sees you look a little broken and defeated, a certain kind of sadness shining behind your eyes that makes him wanna pull him into you. it feels like a protective instinct he’s used to, caring for the people in his life and not wanting to see them struggle.

“they wouldn’t help me anyway.”

this protective instinct feels a little different in this moment, something else tugging in his chest that he hasn’t felt in a very long time - not until he started seeing you more.

“but it’d be a shame if you didn’t finish, y/n. you got so far and you’ve done so well for yourself.”

you smile a little at the praise, tongue rolling over your lips in a way he certainly doesn’t miss - but this moment isn’t about that. it’s not something he cares even a little bit about right now.

“thank you, mr. park, but i am gonna finish,” you say with finality, the confident and sure tone making a strange sort of pride swell inside of him.

“i just have to save up money and i’ll start in the fall. it’s really not that big of a deal,” you tell him with a smile, taking a few steps back so you don’t feel too crowded by him.

“eunbi’s gonna help me look for jobs when i get back,” you say, a teasing smile pulling at your lips as you look at him. “a big girl job. something real and hard, that’s gonna make me super stressed and agitated.”

so much so that i have to get off at the thought of you.

a deep chuckle bubbles out of him that you match with ease, the two of you sharing small smiles and quiet giggles in the middle of this spotless, white kitchen.

“can’t do what you love quite yet, i guess,” seonghwa says, his eyes roaming your face so slowly and carefully, it makes you a tad bit nervous.

you hadn’t realized how natural and easy this conversation was between you two, like you were talking to someone you’d known your whole life opposed to someone you’ve barely known for four years.

his hand itches to reach up and touch your hair, tuck the soft, silky looking strand behind your ear and watch your cheeks heat up when your skin touches; but instead, he smiles down at you, inching closer until he’s just looming over you and staring down at you with a soft, undetectable look in his eye.

“but it’ll be worth it in the end, i think. it’s just gonna... take some time.”

you lick over our lips, throat and mouth suddenly so incredibly dry, as you nod your head.

“yeah, i think so, too,” you say, your lips smushing together nervously before you open your mouth to speak again - this could be one of the last times you’re alone with him.

“thank you for letting me stay with you guys, mr. park. it’s been... really nice spending time with people for the holidays.”

he feels his heart twinge in his chest again, his eyes falling down to your lips and swearing he’s never wanted to kiss someone so bad in his life.  

“of course, y/n, it’s been a pleasure,” he says, a smile quirking at his lips with a hint of something you just can’t quite make out. “maybe we’ll see each other again soon.”

it was five days before classes started that you got the confirmation e-mail - a message confirming your tuition for the spring semester was paid in full and your current balance was $0.

you had to look over the message for three whole hours making sure you had read the e-mail correctly, even going as far to call the bursar office to make sure they had the correct address.

but they had confirmed with surety that your balance was paid off, urging you to quickly sign up for the classes you need before the day was over.

“okay, you will never believe what interview i was able to score for you,” eunbi says the moment she walks in the apartment, shopping bags up her arm and gucci sunglasses perched atop her head.

“i’ll admit, the vibe was a little off with the coworkers but i think it’d be a great opportunity to-” her eyes catch your laptop screen on the school website, a list of classes and times on your screen that causes her eyes to widen.

“oh?” she squeals, running over and throwing herself down on the couch beside you. “what the heck are you doing? are you... did you...?”

the lie came way too quick and easy to you, excitedly blabbering out that there was a change in the system and your scholarship was approved - “i think they felt bad that i was a graduating senior,” you said, eunbi’s face pulled into the happiest smile you’ve ever seen.

she clapped and danced and bounced around in excitement, proclaiming you guys just had to go out and get drinks to celebrate the fact that your surprise party was back on.

but you could only sit there with your thoughts and suspicions and this overwhelming feeling deep within your stomach that, while eunbi definitely doesn’t know, her father might’ve just paid your college tuition in full.

(part 2)

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