#but nooooooooooooo nothing can ever be easy can it

[nothingweirdhere]

i give up. i quit. where’s the option to go back to art school, i don’t want to be a lawyer anymore. i’m done with defending this bitch, in fact i hope edgeworth gets the chair—that’ll serve him right for OBJECTING TO HIS OWN FUCKING INNOCENCE

[tsuki-sennin]

Episode 40 of HiroPre! A play wedding, how precious~! Now don't worry, despite initial worries about Toei making it weird, this is all above board and wholesome. Very wild of them to make this the episode there's a delay for though, but I guess life's just funny like that.

Spoilers, I guess...

-I see Sora likes BBC's Walking with Dinosaurs.

-Sagely studies~!

-Oh ye gods, weddings.

-Ohhhh, worldbuilding!

-An all night party following an announcement of engagement. Don't even need to dress up.

-Quite a fun time, actually, I wish weddings in our world were that easy. And it might just be you two up there next, Mashiron~!

-...I have to wonder how polygamy works up there.

-Y'know, now I've got much more PreCure knowledge accrued, I've noticed that the casts have gotten smaller over the years.

-It's not necessarily a bad thing, mind you! It certainly makes sense, as the teams get bigger you'll have less time to devote to big supporting casts, but this has a side effect of us feeling isolated to our heroes.

-We still have plenty of weirdos to go around in Hirogaru Sky, but having more of them stick around more often would be fun. How's Berryberie doing?

-Just sayin', we would've really benefited from a Masukomi, Kaoru, or even a Yuriko.

-Ah, the cake. All the motivation you need.

-Kinda like Booster in Mario RPG.

-Royal wedding, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

-I'm sorry Elle, I don't care how much cake we eat or how shiny your cardboard crown is, nothing can make me give a crap about a royal wedding. In my junior year of high school, people were really going wild for Harry and Meghan, and I had no idea who these people were so I just kinda had to sit there in the corner.

-I see Ageha disagrees.

-Tsubasa-kun, your bowtie is somehow a brighter red than your jacket's orange.

Ageha: You're doing great, boy~! Just think of the doves flying out~! Tsubasa: No talking during the ceremony!

-Best of friends!

-Ageeeeee~!

-That was nice, wasn't it?

-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand there's the rub~!

-I have to hand it to Murase, Tsubasa sounds genuinely terrified here.

-I don't think Yoyo can officiate anything, so

-You should marry Mashiro twice over, Sora.

-I suppose it's not too surprising Elle could develop a crush on Tsubasa, considering he's like... the only boy she knows. Still though, I get why some people were put off by this.

-Frankly, I'm really surprised Toei haven't been doing a Dipper and Wendy ship tease thing with Tsubasa and Ageha. Thank god they haven't, by the way, that was always the worst part of Gravity Falls.

-I guess Toei knew that would be a little much, especially with the (quite understandable mind you) backlash Nozomi and Coco's relationship gets nowadays.

-Nightmare time.

-King Bitchin' Mustache can add Shotgun Papa to his list of titles.

-Even his own parents!

-He has been left comatose.

-That looks like quite a heavy book, I'm impressed she can carry it.

-"Nooooooooooooo?"

-It's always the simplest sentences coming from a kid that kill you, huh?

-Ladies and gentlemen, the bird boy is dead!

-Ageha appears.

-In the pursuit of great knowledge, one has neglected their friendship. A tale as tragic and old as time.

-That uh

-Might've been a good thing to let him in on earlier, Ageha.

-Skearhead appears.

-A wedding beast.

-Majesty leads our charge today.

-Skearhead's not even talking today!

-Oh, nevermind.

-Aaaaand she's caught!

-That Wing, ever gallant a knight and pal.

-Oh cool, team attack. Paralleling the cake cutting.

-Knighthood is much more fun than marriage.

-Friends and family forever!

-I'm... perplexed! I was expecting 24 minutes of mid cringe comedy, and got a fun and sweet exploration of these two characters' friendship instead on top of well executed cringe comedy. What a ripoff.

-I guess if I had to bitch about anything, I think having them talk as Wing and Majesty more would've been a fun way to tie the battle into their conflict.

-Speaking of which, the battle was pretty dang weak, they... absolutely could've done more with that. And why pick a church bell, Skearhead? Like, diegetically. In-universe. Watsonian argument. I usually don't mind this kinda thing, but like... a bell and a holly wreath are very specific imagery to just conjure up out of nowhere, but I think it'd make a lot more sense if Skearhead weren't just... seemingly slapped into the script because they needed a monster fight that episode.

-Like, Skearhead happens to see Elle and Tsubasa's play wedding and considers playing mind games by preying on Tsubasa's worries about the whole thing, or hell, even just wreaking havoc at someone else's wedding to draw out Pretty Cure would've been good enough for me.

-Anyways, forget all that, we're celebrating a harvest next time!

-Hi, this is Mashipan. I'm out looking at the fall colors. Please leave me a message, and I'll call you right back.

-Monda jumpscare.

-Business as usual, we see!

-See you next tiiiime, maybe!

[bloomblitz]

Dracula Daily October 3

The longest email we’ll ever get, so I’ve heard? Under the cut it goes then!

Let me put down with exactness all that happened, as well as I can remember it, since last I made an entry. Not a detail that I can recall must be forgotten; in all calmness I must proceed. Didn’t....didn’t we start an entry with basically these same lines some months ago? It sounds familiar...

The patient was now breathing stertorously and it was easy to see that he had suffered some terrible injury. My god he’s still alive!

I thought that, somehow, Mrs. Harker had come into the room. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!OOOOOOOO!!!!O!O!!O!O!OO!!O!O!O!!!!!!!!!!!

"I didn't know that she was here till she spoke; and she didn't look the same. I don't care for the pale people; I like them with lots of blood in them, and hers had all seemed to have run out. I didn't think of it at the time; but when she went away I began to think, and it made me mad to know that He had been taking the life out of her." NOOOO! NOT MINA!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!

"Dr. Van Helsing, you love Mina, I know. Oh, do something to save her. It cannot have gone too far yet. Guard her while I look for him!" get yourself somebody who loves you as much as Jonathan Harker loves Mina

All the manuscript had been burned, and the blue flames were flickering amongst the white ashes; the cylinders of your phonograph too were thrown on the fire, and the wax had helped the flames. You’re too late Drac, everyone’s read those and between them all could easily recount every detail.

"Thank God there is the other copy in the safe!" ...that too. Take that, you damn vampire!

"except that the poor fellow is dead." Dammit I really wanted Renfield to eat Dracula

'First, a little refreshment to reward my exertions. You may as well be quiet; it is not the first time, or the second, that your veins have appeased my thirst!' Honestly by this point, between that mother back at the castle, the babies and Lucy, I thought Drac just killed people, and that Hollywood made up the whole ‘talking with his victims’ thing (Jonathan was a special case).

And so you, like the others, would play your brains against mine. You would help these men to hunt me and frustrate me in my designs! Even Drac admits Mina’s a smart woman

the whitening hair I know its to be expected, what with all he went through, but dammit he’s too young!

the very first thing we decided was that Mina should be in full confidence; that nothing of any sort—no matter how painful—should be kept from her. SEE?! If she had stayed with you guys that night none of this would have happened!

Now, Madam Mina, you are in any case _quite_ safe here until the sunset; and before then we shall return—if—— We shall return! Don’t doubt yourself Helsing

As he had placed the Wafer on Mina's forehead, it had seared it—had burned into the flesh as though it had been a piece of white-hot metal. !!!! Why?! Why is Mina affected so strongly while Lucy was fine with a crucifix?! Is there a quicker way to turn people, and Drac was acting fast as a way to get back at the Drac Attack Pack?

To one thing I have made up my mind: if we find out that Mina must be a vampire in the end, then she shall not go into that unknown and terrible land alone. ...are you saying you’d rather become a vampire in order to stay with Mina forever, instead of killing her as they did Lucy?

The last I saw, she was waving her hand in farewell. I really hope this isn’t foreboding in some way

Look out for D. He has just now, 12:45, come from Carfax hurriedly and hastened towards the South. Damn telegraphs are faster than vampires! (at least those in their weakened daylight state.)

It was just an ordinary knock, such as is given hourly by thousands of gentlemen, but it made the Professor's heart and mine beat loudly. Now why would Drac knock on the door of his own house?

He held up a warning hand as he spoke, for we all could hear a key softly inserted in the lock of the hall door. Now that’s terror!

The first to act was Harker GO JOHN GO! FOR MINA! FOR LUCY! FOR YOURSELF!

The expression of the Count's face was so hellish, that for a moment I feared for Harker, though I saw him throw the terrible knife aloft again for another stroke. GO JOHN GO!

My revenge is just begun! I spread it over centuries, and time is on my side. Your girls that you all love are mine already; and through them you and others shall yet be mine Damn Drac can hold a grudge

True to our promise, we told Mrs. Harker everything which had passed Good, good!

That poor soul who has wrought all this misery is the saddest case of all. Oh Mina

assured Mrs. Harker that she might rest in peace ...poor choice of words, Helsing

there is no rest for me until.... Later.—I must have fallen asleep Falling asleep mid-sentence. Been there.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Friday Night Stabby best quotes (Tango birthday edition) part 18 (16/04/21)

Impulse: *zoomies into admin and stands by the table for about 3 seconds* Impulse: OH I don’t even have [the swipe card task]. *laughs* Etho: Uh… Impulse. I did kinda notice that. Impulse: I zoomed in here so fast I didn’t know I didn’t have a task. Etho: You ARE zooming around. Okay, I’ll let it pass. Impulse: *dashes to shields and does the task there* Etho: Actually, I dunno if I’m gonna let it pass. *leaves* Impulse: What?! I just did shields! Impulse, running after Etho: Etho! Love me! LOVE ME!

...

Endless: I think I might be invisible. Etho: Oh no, I was just ignoring you, Endless. Sorry. Skizz: Somebody say something?

...

Skizz: It has to be Mrs Tango. Mrs Tango: Why?! Skizz: It doesn’t have to be, I just feel it.

...

Impulse, running up to Skizz and Etho standing together on a task: Are you lovers? Are you lovers? Should I leave? Skizz: You know what, this is a monogamous relationship, buddy. Impulse: Do you need- Do you need help? Etho, if you are in need of help, wiggle twice. Skizz: *laughs* Etho: Well, he hasn’t killed me YET...

...

Evil: I found a dead Impulse in upper engine. Skizz: Cuz you killed him. Evil: Nope. Skizz: Cuz your partner killed him. Evil: Nope. Skizz: Cuz you called in a hitman and had him killed. Evil: ...Do you WANT me to vote for you, Skizz? *pause* Skizz: Cuz Joker killed him. Joker: Wow. Scraping the bottom of the barrel, there, Skizz. *pause* Joker: Just like that hair.

...

Joker: I wanna say it’s Skizzle cuz it looks like he’s wearing the head of Geoffrey the Giraffe’s sister. Skizz: Alright, listen. Listen. ‘Kay? You’ve gotten across how superficial you are. I know my hair is not to your liking, clown. Okay? You just sit over there and lemme be beautiful. Tango: Yeah, don’t be judgey.

...

*Brody’s body is reported* Endless: Aww, we miss you, Brody. Skizz: Eh. Let’s not get carried away. Joker: *laughs* I approve of this message.

...

*Skizz has a sheep accessory on his head* Evil: Skizz, are you feeling sheepish? Joker: DANG IT! I was gonna say that joke!

...

Skizz: Alright. I’ve disclosed myself as the spy so if I die, you know it was the imposter. Tango, laughing: If I die, an imposter killed me.

...

Astro: Can we vote for Joker for many reasons? But mostly because- Joker: What?! Why?! Tango: Oh, Etho’s the snitch! Astro, continued: -he just zoomed by Etho. I just saw Joker swoop by Etho and kill him. Joker: I did not! I did not do that! Tango: That’s the first time we’ve seen snitch. Joker: I’ve been running this whole time! What’re you-?! Astro: Yeah, you ran right by Etho and killed him! Impulse: Wait… Tango- Joker: I DID NOT! Impulse: Tango, Tango. How do you know? How do you know we saw snitch? Tango: Cuz it says… snitch next to his name…? No…? Astro: Okay so Tango’s the other- the other imposter, cuz- Impulse: Ohhhh!!!! Tango: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Impulse: Technicality!! Joker: Well it’s Tango but it’s not me! Tango: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHYYYYYY?!!!!!!!!! Endless: Why’s it- Where does it say snitch? Tango: I mean- No, guys, we should work this out. There’s a chance- *mumbles* I got nothing… Astro: I still think it’s Joker but it’s definitely Tango. Tango: WHY?! STUPID MODS! Impulse: You’re the only one that saw the snitch reveal! Tango: WHYYYYYYYY?! Endless: C’mon, let’s do Joker first, and THEN get Tango.# Joker: NO, it’s NOT me! Endless, why are you pushing to kill me so quickly?! Endless: Because Astro called you out! Astro: But- But Tango called HIMSELF out, so I think he kinda deserves this. Impulse: Tango snitched himself!

...

*after the round* Joker: Goshdarnit, Tango! Tango: That was the dumbest round ever and it’s full of dumb and you’re all dumb. Impulse: Ouch. Joker: Tangooo! Impulse: Yeaaah, the snitch callout was pretty bad. Tango: I assumed that once it was revealed, everyone knew it. Astro: It’s revealed to the IMPOSTERS and- Tango: I GOT THAT. GOT IT. THANKS. GOT IT. Joker: Happy birthday, Tango :)

...

Mrs Tango: I just walked into the room and I watched [Tango] stab Astro. He didn’t even care that I walked into the room. Tango: Nope! Nope! Do NOT let her trick you, okay? Do not let this happen. I’m not saying anything else. Impulse: I’m gonna trust Tango cuz it’s his birthday. Mrs Tango: You should NOT trust Tango. He’s a dirty liar. Skizz: Oh man, she-! Impulse: And this is why I will never play this game with my significant other.

...

*Etho is claiming that Evil and Joker are lovers* Impulse: How do you know that, Etho? Skizz: Yeah, how do you know that? Joker: Yeah, how DO you know that, Etho? Etho: They confessed their love. Joker: I love everybody. I love you, I love Impulse. Dunno about Skizz, but… Skizz: Come ON, Joker!

...

Joker: Impulse, would you like to say what happened with Brody after you guys left together? *pause* Impulse, in a small voice: I know it looks bad…

...

Evil: So we start the game voting Tango out, right? Tango: Wait, what?! Why?! Brody: I’m down. Sounds good. Tango: Listen, I got a finger on my head and I’m not afraid to use it. Endless: You put that finger away, sir!

...

*a meeting is called, interrupting Joker and Endless’s conversation* Joker: What proposition? Endless: You missed out on the proposition. Joker: Endless is propositioning me and I dunno how to feel about it.

...

Joker: I’ll be honest, [Skeld] is my least favourite map. I absolutely hate this map. Tango: What?! Impulse: Skeld?! Joker: Yup. Tango: Joker, you are dumb with a sprinkling of dumb. Skizz: This is my favourite map. I like actually knowing where stuff is. Tango: Skeld is AMAZING. It’s so balanced. Endless: Joker’s favourite map is MIRA, so… Tango: Yeah, he just wants to get lost and press buttons and ride riders. Joker: I just don’t like this map. It’s too easy to find people together. I like it when people are spread out more. Tango: It’s perfect. Joker: No. I hate it. You’re dumb.

...

Skizz: You know what, Joker? I hate your hat. Joker: What? Skizz: I hate your hat. Joker: *scoffs* I don’t care.

...

Skizz: *changes his accessory back to the hair Joker hates the most* Skizz: BOOM. That’s just for Joker! Joker: OH! Oh come on, Skizz! NO!!! Skizz: You crawl inside this hair! Joker: Oh GOD no! Why would I do that?! Skizz: It stinks in here. Come on in, the water’s fine. Joker: Skizz, that’s the WORST thing you’ve ever said!

...

*body is reported* Evil: Why were you screaming, Tango? Tango: I just wanna say that when I see Evil approach me now, I pucker and I- I wait. It’s just- I have this thing now. Every time Evil approaches me, I assume I’m going to die. Joker: Hey Skizz? Can I use your hair to scrub my brain so I don’t have to hear Tango say “pucker” again?

...

Tango: It wasn’t Etho. I feel bad now. Skizz: You shouldn’t. I hate Etho.

...

Astro: *calls a meeting* Astro: I hit my button cuz at least I can now for two seconds use a non-vanilla role and be Button Barry. Tango: I like that the button was actually three feet away when you pressed the button there. Astro: Yup. Didn’t care. Tango: Nice, that’s- Well done. All you had to do was take three steps. Astro: I wanted to use that button. That’s it, that’s all I got. *pause* Astro: Enjoy the 40 seconds we’ve got left.

...

Brody: Astro, what are you doing? Astro: I’m following you. Brody: Why? Astro: I dunno. I’m done with my tasks. Impulse: Are you his… Are you his lover? Are you his LOVER, Astro? Astro: Nah, I did that once. We broke up. Brody: Awww, we did??

...

*after Astro sheriffed Skizz* Evil: But nobody died, so why are you trying to pin something on me? Tango: I’m tryina pin something on somebody. Brody: Ahh, that’s not a good thing. Astro: I killed someone. Evil, laughing: Well yeah, nobody died this round except the guy Astro admitted to killing.

...

Skizz: I hate Joker, Endless, Brody, and Impulse. Oh I’m sorry, I was talking to my chat. Joker: I didn’t vote for you!! Endless: Joke’s on you Skizz, I also hate me.

...

Tango: I’m trying to scan my bitties and you guys are all pressing buttons. Joker: Nobody wants to hear about your bitties. Tango: Well, they’re being scanned. Joker: I don’t care about your bitties, dude.

...

Astro: Did Impulse even say where [the body] was? Impulse: It’s between office and storage. Joker: I thought it was between electrical and office. Impulse: Electrical, storage, office. It’s kinda like in the middle there. Tango: What are you even saying right now? Impulse: Okay, okay. Pull up your maps, make a triangle between electrical, storage and office. The body’s RIGHT in the middle of that triangle. Tango: The triangle’s pointing to your name and *votes* OH! WHOOPS! Impulse: Isosceles triangle. What? Tango: Sorry, I made a triangle but clicked your name by accident. Impulse: Oh my gosh. Joker: I’m clicking your name, Tango. Cuz that’s weird. Impulse: What is happening…?! Evil, laughing: I don’t know, we’re jumping the shark. *everyone has skipped except Joker voted for Tango and Tango voted for Impulse* Impulse: Are you mad that you can’t make a triangle?! *everyone laughs* Joker: Tongo don’t make triangle! Etho: Tongo smash triangle!

[tellywoodtrash]

ebss 25.06.19 lb

i appreciate sonali running TOWARDS aarush to protect him from the gun.

also jai actively wrestling with the gun nearly pointed at him. jai and sonali really do love aarush huh? that's adorable.

aarush, the smartest person here, is just like MOM LET'S GTFO HERE COME THE F ON!!!!!!!

oh ho, bas bhi karrrrr meesni.

kavya giving dire warning. good. i want it to echo in their minds forever and ever and ever.

phew. i am so relieved. please leave and go live somewhere safe and peaceful. that's all i want for you two.

lol pachtaayega buddhe, and i can't wait.

Shady Smirky Sharma Sisters.

god fool, you're such a suckerrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i love when she wipes her tears and just gets tf on with her day. #goals

look at this poor idiot walking in all smileyyyyyy. oh kabir, it's times like these i really can believe that dhruv and you are related.

HE IS (WAS) GONNA FORMALLY ADOPT AARUSH. MY HEARTTTTTTTT!!!!!! SHOW, WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME!???!?!?????

look how excited he is to give ice cream to his kid. HOW DARE YOU DEPRIVE ME OF THIS GOOD HEALTHY EXAMPLE OF A DAD???????

jai and sonali, poor things, have to be the bearer of bad news. hope they at least get that ice cream as compensation.

he bounded into the room calling aarush “chaaaaamp”. *weeping*

*sigh*

kabir's like I WAS LITERALLY GONE FOR LIKE HALF A FUCKING HOUR, YOU MOTHERF.....................

time for kabir's speech of the daaaaaaaay.

honestly the only redeeming point of the show these days for is to see kabir get all worked up in his righteous anger, coz mmmmhmmmmm, me likey.

yes boo, get all sassy. i love it.

dadaji is a big mood.

lmao he dgaf about being thrown out. dheent af. 

hee hee he indirectly called pk a dumbass. love it.

ah man, he's cryinggggggggg.

yes, ASK HERRRRRR. ASK HERRRRRRRRRRRR.  

"main jaa raha hoon kavya ko wapas lene."

snort. girl when you gonna accept ki tumhari dal yahaan galne nahi waali?

lol pk, shut upppppppp mannnnnnnnn. you're threatening to shoot an army waala? they're specifically trained to face that exact situation on a daily basis. fuck off outta here.

biiiiiiir: out!!!!!! laterzzzzzzzzzz, bitches.

oh finally. please tell me he dies. coz i really hate him.

lol yeh unkil toh apne alag hi trip par hain.

uff yeh mare nahi???

kabir is fully drunk on "i miss my wife and kid" juice and ugh, my heart.

what these papersssssssssssssss???? give us a looky look!

fully relate to janhvi not giving 0.023 fucks about dadaji. (he's semi-paralyzed now.)

amma warning janhvi ki kabir ko easy mat lo.

she's listening but not REALLY LISTENING. mehenga padega, bhaabiji.

baaaaaaaaaaaaabe, your faaaaaaace.

ofc, har aadarsh star plus bahu ka airbnb of choice: the local mandir.

was that vyom's dad??? now he's all worried? (only about aarush, i guess.)

lol he said it’s ambemaata ka mandir, aur mandir pe likha hai "raadhekrishna, hare krishna, shri radhe"....

sniff. i reallllllllllly like them together man. i really do. they have such an honest and healthy relationship. full of respect and support. WHY WON'T TELLYWOOD JUST LET ME HAVE THIS?????? IDC WHO THE ACTRESS PLAYING KAVYA IS, I JUST...... *sob, wail, weep, woe, lament*

her first question: pls tell me you're NOT here to take me back to that hellhole. please?

"ek aakhri request hai: us parivaar ke saamne, logon ke saamne, TUMHARA HAATH THAAM KE US GHAR KO CHODNA CHAHTA HOON." mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. he genuinely loves her (even if he's not IN LOVE with her...) and this damn show really be breaking them tf up......

kavya finally taking a stand for her mental health and is being like ohhhh hell no. i love you too, but HELL NO.

"tum, main, aur aarush; hum teeno, kahin door chale jaayenge." YES. PLEASE. GO.

noooooooooooooooooo, kavya nooooooooooooo.

"main tumhare liye sab kuch chodne ke liye tayyar hoon."

FUCK MAN, WHY ARE YOU FUCKING DOING THIS TO MY HEART????? YOU COULDA TAKEN THEIR RELATIONSHIP DOWN TO FRIENDSHIP AND MADE HER EXIT BEARABLE; INSTEAD YOU'RE RAISING IT TO HIM BEING SOLELY INVESTED IN THEM AND NOTHING ELSE?????// YOU BEST BRING KAVYA BACK FOR HIM, YOU FUCKERS. THIS MAN LOVES HIS GODDAMN WIFE AND KID. I BEG OF YOU, LET HIM END UP WITH THEM. HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY WITH THEMMMMMMM!!!!!! 

no kabir, actually your family is pretty shit. other than jai and sonali, they're all fucking assholes. you three should leave and live with kavya/aarush.

time to spill the truuuuuuuuuuuuuth!

whoop!

why's he calling her "janhvi" instead of bhaabi rn? like later, i get it, but rn??????

there it isssssssssssssss!

WHAT’S IN THE PAPERS!?!!?!?!!?!!!!!

hein? he believed her tooooooooooo quickly. like.... could have taken a minute or two more to let it sink in and ask for proof???

———————————————————————

oh daaaaaaang, kabir works faaaaaaast. he already got to amma!!!!! this should be interestinggggggggggg!

[whotookcheesuschrist]

Some excerpts from the playthrough

I was pretty close to getting chills from that intro. That is the most atmospheric video game intro I’ve experienced thus far. All the way from the menu to the actual game. Fucking damn. (Apart from maybe Dragon Age Inquisition.)

Made it through the first part on the first try. Saved. It didn’t save as far as I thought it would and I had to do it again, failing four times. :-(

“Behold, my amazingly rendered abs. And flat-ass face.”

You can tell this is game was a first attempt in many things; such as delivering awkward, awkward lines.

There is a mission briefing mimicking VHS tapes and I fucking love it.

Whuh... COLONEL DID YOU KILL HIS DOGS? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

So... that was intensly antagonistic of a character who have up to this point been delivering barely any support apart from diet-coke Sun Tzu.

Speaking of Sun-Tzu...

As of writing I’ve finished MGS2, and there’s a certain related part of that that I will get into on a later date, but this one, more than what’s to come, reminds me of that police interrogation in The Venture Bros.

YOUU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

In the most threatening way possible, say the words: Follow the mice.

These controls are hUaORRIBLe

In one way, yes, it adds to the difficulty without being forced, but good fucking god, trying to figure out which direction I’m supposed to push the stick while pressing up against a wall is a nightmare. And having to stand still while shooting and not being able to move while aiming at all is... not very user-friendly design. Thank God for auto-aim

In a similar vein, a third-person shooter with the camera angle being from what we Norwegians call bird perspective is a bit of a challenge

The game play is still pretty dope though

Bee tee dubbs, the ex-Fox unit is hereby dubbed the Suicide Squad

(I would totally play a super-hero video game with that kind of lay-out of the villains and the hero. I think this could actually transfer to comics as well, the way the villains are set-up, introduced and used.)

First meeting with Metrosexual Noodle Eastern.

"I love to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber." — Revolver Ocelot, Metal Gear Solid.

I bet you do, Ozzie

This game is not complete without a ninja.

There’s a masturbation joke lying in there somewhere.

So far this game has been surprisingly Not Gay. Except from Snake’s sick abs, but then comes Otacon and fucks my shit up on so many levels.

Johny’s grand introduction: Face down, ass up

Meryl... I really like Meryl, but she is so obviously one of the “not like other girls”, tomboy-ish archetype that isn’t really all that useful. It’s pretty sad, because we see her kick ass. We know she can, so it’s a little sad that she isn’t properly utilized.

Poor Otacon.

The ninja was depressingly easy to best. I know the TWEETHT!! that comes later with this guy, but man, you’d think it’d be more of a fight.

OH. MY GOD. Let me count down how many ways Otacon’s introduction is gay.

After being saved from death by katana, Otacon stares at Snake downward-up. When the camera stops, we get a damn good shot, yet again, of Snake’s Sick Abs.

“You’re uniform is not like the others...”

The disappointment in Otacon’s voice upon learning that he was not the goal.

The symbolism of Otacon literally coming out of the closet.

Snake sitting with legs crossed like a fucking femme fatale as he and Otacon catch up to speed

Snake inspecting Otacon, crotch on up

Snake walking up to Otacon until he’s one foot away, laying his hand on his shoulder and asking “you okay?” in an uncharacteristic, caring voice: and Otacon being weirede out by it, commenting: “What’s wrong, getting all friendly all of a sudden...”, to which Snake just awkwardly backs away and says “uh nothing, just... glad you’re okay”

Forget Meryl, Hal’s your love interest and we all know it.

“I’ve been therapied into not having an interest in men and no one can break the spell at all none at all nuh-uh...” And of course Snake is going to prove them wrong. Eww. Call it a product of its time, but still, gross.

Bee-tee-dubbs, Otacon and Snake discussing Meryl’s low-pixelated ass strikes me as hilariously “no homo”. I’m pretty sure, given how Hideo is on the subject in later games, that all of it is intentional. Subtext included.

Psycho Mantis, stop dissing my game stats

Poor dude. Seriously, that is a sad and solid backstory for a character

“Riussiain lieady rieportyingk in on wieapions” I like her tho

Man, this game... In all of the silliness it is STILL on-point with its social commentary. Nastasha’s talks about the START programs, nuclear disarmament, the money involved, the ultimate plan of the Foxhound members, nuclear programs made for short-range launches... All of these are things that I’ve seen in the news this week, and what goes on in the game takes place in the year 2005. Not to mention us becoming more and more desensitized to violence and warfare. It is frightening to behold. I wish I had it in me to talk about all of this at length, because there is really a well of subject matters to discuss here.

Once again I experience a video game trying to impose on me that, in the story, something is urgent, but in reality, I have hours of backtracking if I want to.

I... kinda like the voice they gave Sniper Wolf. And that she’s Kurd; it is nice to see that Hideo remembers a little history. And it brings a little variation in a very formulaic artistic industry.

There is nothing so jarring as video game characters talking specifically about the controls on your PS controller. Abs are still sick. I like the little touch that this death will be different from the others, and set you somewhat back in progress. Not enough for it to make an impact, but I appreciate the effort; the game is present even on its own metalevel

Otacon, you sap. Oh and thank you for massaging my arm, Naomi

If Johnny were ever to be in a Rambo-parody the first movie would be called Johnny - First Brown

My old enemy... Stairs...

OTACON DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SUBTEXT MEANS

My tactic for handling this: laying down land mines whenever possible and run like a pussy.

Sniper’s demise, the entire scene for all parties involved, is pretty heartfelt still you two should kiss

I have literally played Die Hard.

HUHHHH! THE PLOT THICKENS! WE’VE BEEN BETRAYED!

Vulcan Raven has no sense of humor. I am big man McLargebeef. Fear me.

One of the greatest things about this game is the boss fights. All of them are different and interesting, fun to play. Same goes for the rest of the game: nothing ever gets to the point of being samey.

I mentioned atmosphere earlier, and oh how I do love this for keeping it throughout. This feels like a beautiful tribute to the 80′s action movies, in tone and spirit as well. This is what the 80′s style tribute that we’ve seen lately really ought to be: specs of hilarity and ridiculoussness mixed with complete sincerity and genuine, dark depth, without getting to caught up in aesthetic.

Metal Gear Chicken.

How can anyone survive working on that thing.

I wonder what Ocelot really thought of Liquid.

GAAASP! MILLER IS BRITISH! OH NO!

Liquid is just an asshole, but if that was his upbringing I feel a little bad for him. No wonder he hyper-compensates.

Snake takes these news surprisingly well

Snake being made into a weapon, robbed of information that he really needs: this game makes his feelings and responses, however douchy, feels quite earned

I am fighting a giant mecha and this is STILL a stealth game.

Okay that... that surprise from Gray Fox actually was a surprise. And what the fuck is he MADE of.

So Richard Dawkins is to blame...

           OF COURSE-

SHIRTLESS BATTLE! OVER A WOMAN!

“MACGYVEEEEEEEEEER!”

Surprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

Liquid’s death is surprisingly evocative for me. I really do feel like Liquid’s plan is more important to him than anything, because he that desperately needs to prove himself in the light of his “father”.

...

                    ...

          ...

          ...

          ...

          .                           .                         .           

          WILL YOU           SHUT UP

BTW I made it through without sacrificing Meryl. I’ve learned what happens in the other ending, and it is pretty dumb how that one leads so much better into the next game than the other. And while on the subject

Woah, yet another twist. Although knowing what I do about Ocelot now it is hardly that surprising. The impact of this is still satisfying and intriguing, because there are things in the game that for someone who isn’t already completely familiar with them seems a bit weird. The reveals here makes some things falll into place, and I am surprised that the game actually did specifically build up to a sequel

It strikes me that I haven’t talked once about the performances. While there are a lot of them that don’t go all in, you gotta give David Hayter props for this, as well as several of the others. This must’ve been so very strange to work on for all of them: not quite a translation from a japanese work, not quite American either, giving this exposition-heavy dialogue a unique life of its own

And the game naming Snake after him is a very cute touch, one that I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t thought of before. And no one could give Snake the layers of believable capability and apparent ineptitude better than he. IQ of 180 my ass.

GOD that ending dragged on.