#but neither of them believe that they will be taken out regardless of the extent of the respect they have for their opponent. it's-

[achilleswishes]

I think the biggest difference between natehawk via death dependency goes something like

Nate: You're going to kill me? Do you promise?

Hawk: You're going to kill me? Whyyyyyyy? Why? ;w;

[agro-carnist]

not sure how any of this will be taken but it is all well-meaning and if i seem harsh anywhere it is probably the autism, because i don't hold malice toward you.

i appreciate your response to everything that's been happening. i must admit that it hasn't changed my opinions on the posts you've made or art in question, but i want to emphasize that suspecting someone is a pedophile or a zoophile is Never something i deprive joy or satisfaction from (it's just scary.), and hearing you explicitly say you are neither and explain why is truly a genuine relief.

i do believe you when you say you are neither. i am also appalled to hear that anyone has compared you to people like hypnotistsappho, i cant imagine how awful that would feel.

while my opinions (in regards to the art in question, the enjoyment of minor/adult relationships, or my belief that engaging with potentially dangerous paraphilias is indeed a bad idea) will likely never be changed, i did read what you've said in good faith and i will make an effort to atleast think over the points youve made. i also do not believe in thoughtcrime and do recognize that many of us can fall into black/white thinking regarding kink and the like.

i personally am also into kink, although it falls into "tamer" categories (for lack of ability to think up a better word), and to an extent i understand where some of what you say is coming from. i suppose regardless of my personal morals, in the grand scheme of things, as long as you arent hurting anyone (which you thankfully dont appear to be) it isn't my business and i don't need to understand anyway.

there is one post i wish you'd addressed but i can see why you didn't because it wasn't really in discussion much, and maybe isn't as big a deal as i am making it out to be. but as someone else with diagnosed ocd your post about (and forgive me because i do not remember the exact wording of your post. i promise i am not trying to put exact words in your mouth) "antis secretly enjoying the things that they claim disgust them" was really gut-punching to see and to be completely honest i felt a lot less open to hearing your side of things for a while after learning about it, because it just felt so mean spirited...

i know it wasn't aimed at other people with ocd but i wish you'd taken into account that other people with ocd would probably see that post before making it. especially since ocd is something you have personal experience with and know what it is like to suffer from. while we may disagree over the morality of much of what's being discussed, i am sure we can both agree as people with ocd that being told you secretly enjoy the thoughts that scare and disgust you or that go against your morals is never fun. it is a trigger for me but i think it is rude to imply this even to people without ocd. im not sure what i want to get out of sharing this. but i did want to be honest about how that post came off to me since i feel quite dissatisfied about it

all that really matters i guess is that you've provided clarification and were honest in your post. i really had no idea what else to think with what information and pieces we had beforehand, and now i simply hope we can all quietly avoid eachother in peace.

That's all I really want. I just want to be heard and understood. I really appreciate this. I'd rather be in civil disagreement than fight each other.

As for your concern on that post - I completely understand the concern there. There was a context for that image and I didn't expect it to be shared on other sites. I made that at a time when a lot of people were making "my favorite ship dynamics" tweets but using it to vilify other ships. It was kind of a trend to post your favorite ship dynamics with a doodle of generic blob people showing the dynamic. A lot of these were "problematic" tropes and a lot of people started a pushback trying to shame the original tweets. I was annoyed seeing tweets all the time that essentially boiled down to "the best and only valid ship dynamics are healthy and wholesome relationships." So I made that as a jab at them. I see a lot of hypocrisy among those types. I know a lot of people, including myself, would preach only what we deemed as healthy or unproblematic but had deeply repressed interests in the "problematic." And also heard of many instances where someone like that would be found creating and/or consuming equally nasty art. It was meant to point that out. I didn't mean to imply that everyone actually has secret taboo fetishes or that people genuinely upset by certain tropes are lying. I understand that can be upsetting and I apologize I made people feel that. Like I said I didn't think it would leave that context. It was just supposed to highlight a harmful attitude I kept seeing. In hindsight I could have made that clearer. I want people to accept their fantasies and not live like they're trying to cover them up by being a hostile moral crusader but I dont want others to feel hurt for that to happen. Again I'm sorry that it came to people getting triggered by what I said

[shellforbrains]

(this was kinda a point a couple people were misunderstanding on twitter so i wrote a clarifying thread about it. so i figured i'd post that here too.)

"i am of the belief that one of the big reasons that FM goes badly is bc stolas is off his meds."

i want to expand on this point more & (hopefully) explain myself a little better. my thread about Apology Tour got way more attention (on twitter) than i could have imagined & honestly when i wrote it, i just wanted to yap casually with people, not like... write a super in-depth meta lmao.

so to start things off: i want to clarify that when i say that i think stolas being out of pills will play a big part in FM going badly, i am talking about it from a NARRATIVE perspective & as a NARRATIVE tool.

while there ARE some people out there where missing even one dose of pills can fuck with their mental state some, i know FULL WELL that this is not always the norm. i take like 4 different meds for my own mental health. TRUST me. i KNOW. for me, the most i usually deal with after missing a day of my pills is a nasty headache once i take them again. and on the day that i actually missed them, i usually don't feel very different at all bc the pills have built up in my system beforehand.

i am NOT saying that i believe one day of stolas missing his meds is going to make him go off the deep end. NOR am i saying that if stolas is struggling to communicate well that it's solely the fault of him not having his pills.

what i AM saying is that the shot of stolas being out of his pills is CLEARLY supposed to communicate something to the audience. it would NOT be included in the duet if it wasn't important in some way or wasn't going to play some sort of role. that is just NOT how writing works.

my theory is that by showing us that stolas is out of his meds & him subsequently being frazzled for the rest of the duet, they are trying to communicate that stolas is NOT going into this meeting with blitzø in the best state of mind.

and what is mostly likely to happen if stolas is going into this meeting in a not-the-best state of mind? i think that it will be him having a harder time actually communicating what he wants to say to blitzø.

stolas already isn't SUPER great with communication & him being in a not-great state of mind is only likely to make things even harder for him! which is totally understandable! but regardless of the fact that it's understandable, it will definitely play a part in stolas & blitzø's discussion spiraling!

now, onto the next part that i feel probably needs to be clarified: NO WHERE did i ever say that i think blitzø will not also be at fault for their discussion falling apart. i've said multiple times (multiple on twitter at least) that i believe there will be blame on both sides for this happening. blitzø is ALSO not great at communicating.

putting two people who aren't the best at communicating together with a touchy topic that one doesn't even want to touch with a 10 ft pole is a recipe for disaster.

even IF stolas goes into their meeting feeling 110% & is able to at least start out communicating his point EXACTLY like he wants, NEITHER of them are masters of communication. it is very likely that under those circumstances, the conversation would STILL spiral to some extent.

the point mentioned in the Apology Tour thread (& the other threads i linked in it on twitter) were NEVER meant to be taken as, "i think that FM going bad will all be stolas' fault & he's totally off his rocker bc he doesn't have his pills."

the mentions of him being out of pills & being frazzled for the rest of the duet were to point out that i was noticing something that i think will play a VERY important part of the Full Moon episode's narrative. that is all!

if you disagree with me, that's totally fine! just PLEASE don't think that anything i said in those threads were meant to play into shitty stereotypes about mental health medication or meant to sling total blame at stolas. bc that is ENTIRELY false.

the idea of Stolas publicly humiliating Blitzø in Apology Tour needs, needs, NEEDS to be looked at through the lens of their class difference.

(this is an idea that's been floating around twitter. that stolas is going full diss track in the scene the above screencap is from.

and weirdly enough, there's been some people PRAISING or DEFENDING the idea.

so i did a thread about it on twitter & decided to post it here too bc why not. slightly edited of course bc i made typos in the original lmao.)

first off: i am of the belief that one of the big reasons that Full Moon goes badly is bc stolas is off his meds.

i think that both stolas & blitzø will share some blame for the conversation spiraling out, but i think the main underlying reason that this happens is bc stolas is off his meds & not communicating his point properly.

second: i think that if blitzø DOES cross some sort of line in FM & ends up really hurting stolas, stolas is obviously within his rights to be hurt & feel bad about that shit. and especially bc he's going through his second adolescence & feeling a lot of these intense & big feelings for the first time.

him lashing out in some way or being a little petty could be in somewhat understandable. he's not perfect & has flaws just like everyone else.

HOWEVER. i do not think stolas lashing out after FM or going so far as to PUBLICLY HUMILIATE blitzø is what will happen. doing something like this would kinda be major steps backwards in stolas' character growth.

he has done a lot of work on himself over the 1st half of season 2 but he still has a long ways to go, ESPECIALLY in regards to how he treats imps as a whole.

stolas, a very powerful and influential prince of hell showing up to publicly humiliate blitzø, an imp at the bottom of hell's class system, would be... very questionable at best. and potentially dangerous for blitzø at worst.

regardless of how hurt stolas could potentially be & what big feelings he's experiencing for the first time in his second adolescence, the position & privilege he still currently holds are things that always needs to be considered. especially since a huge part of his character arc is that he's starting to REALIZE the extent of that class divide & how he unintentionally took advantage of that with the Full Moon Deal.

i REALLY do not think that stolas will actually belt out a blitzø diss track. i think that he will be using this opportunity to attempt to communicate properly what he WANTED to say in FM but couldn't bc their conversation spiraled.

but i am still writing this to try to get people to look at this from an alternate perspective.

i love stolas. i relate to him so much & i don't want to make it seem like i don't think he's allowed to be imperfect or hurt by things. i am merely REMINDING anyone that reads this that the class difference between stolas & blitzø currently still plays a large part in A LOT of aspects of their relationship.

publicly humiliating blitzø with the influence he has would NOT be a girlboss moment. it would carry a LOT of weight on how blitzø & his company could be seen & maybe even have an effect on their livelihood.

which is exactly what stolas wanted to AVOID by giving blitzø the crystal in the first place.

he is giving the crystal so that I.M.P can keep going & growing, as well as trying to put blitzø & himself on ever-so-slightly more even footing. this idea of publicly humiliating blitzø would be the exact OPPOSITE of that.

[short-wooloo]

you couldn’t even competently slander a character felony

There is one silver lining of Tales idiotic ooc attempt trying to paint Mace as the "bad guy"

It's really really bad at it

For example the attempt at painting Mace as a snitch for telling the council about Dooku's more aggressive actions

It kind falls flat since the previous episode not only shows this is not the first time Dooku has done such, but he's actually done worse in the past, strangling someone (something SW has always depicted as a bad thing) and throwing his Padawan aside when he tried to stop Dooku (why does Qui-Gon just, not react to either? Is this... a normal thing? Does Dooku just frequently physically abuse Qui-Gon?)

And that's not the only thing

Mace clearly believes that Master Katrie would have helped bring the corrupt senator to justice if asked

But this is "refuted" with the guards/killers saying "the Jedi are lapdogs of the senate" but doesn't explain further or offer alternatives

And this is a case of "dead characters can't defend themselves"

Master Katrie is dead so we don't have her word on the matter and we're left to take the word of the anti republic assassins who murdered her

Clearly reliable sources on what Master Katrie would have done

And while we don't know the extent of their relationship, as a Jedi Mace would know Katrie better than these randos

And regardless of the senators corruption or what Katrie would have done, the guards committed murder of her whilst attempting to murder someone else who they would murder later

Katrie was a Jedi, she is sworn to protect all life, even criminals and the corrupt (criminals deserve rights too, and if criminals' rights can be taken away, then why can't anyone elses?)

And look, I understand wanting corrupt, evil politicians to die, believe me, there are plenty who I want to die

But you can't just kill people

You can't just take the law into your own hands and make yourself judge jury and executioner

Because if you can, then someone else can

And just because you killed a person doesn't mean you killed the system that made/enabled them

And even if we take Dooku's proposed "solution" of one/a few people have the authority to overrule everyone and deal out "justice" themselves as judge/jury/executioner how do you ensure that they only kill the "bad" ones? What checks and balances are there on these people's power?

This actually shows why what Mace did works

Dooku committed an abuse of power, and Mace reported it, checks and balances, accountability

This also further shows why Dooku's method won't work, as while in his system he would be undeniably in charge with few limits on his power, he would probably have a few people answering to him who he has a personal relationship with or trust in

Like Qui-Gon

Who, as far as we know, did not report Dooku strangling a person or how Dooku threw him around when Qui-Gon interfered

Good on Qui-Gon for finding a peaceful solution to the situation, but he probably should have stopped Dooku

And that's the problem

The people Dooku would choose to rule with him are the people who would be the least likely to challenge him

And there's one more idiotic thing I suspect filoni of doing with Mace in the episode

Given he seems to be on a "Jedi are cops" (1. ugh, 2. Inaccurate, they're warrior-diplomats) bit, I can't help but wonder if filoni was trying to liken Mace killing the guy to a police killing an unarmed suspect,

Which um, is spectacularly tone deaf, doing that with the Black character

It was also probably a half baked allusion to Palpatine's arrest that fails to understand that situation as well

In any case, whether filoni was trying for a "police killing" analogy, or a "look Mace is doing the same thing he'll do with Palpatine" bit, or both,

Neither works

Mace killed the guard after the guard took a gun and shot at Mace and he deflected the shot back

Mace similarly did not attempt to kill a weak defenseless Palpatine, the guy was faking fir christ sake how do people miss that?

Furthermore, both the guard and Palpatine have already killed people right then and there, the guard killed/was an accomplice to the killing of a Jedi and an unarmed senator, and Palpatine just cut down 3 powerful Jedi Masters with ease, HE. IS. EXTREMELY. DANGEROUS.

Mace did not set out to kill the guards (he stops Dooku from doing so), he defended himself against someone who has already taken the law into their own hands and killed at least 2 people, and Mace did not initially set out to kill Palpatine, he intended to arrest him, it's only once he sees just how dangerous Palpatine is that Mace realizes this is not an option

Side note, Palpatine's arrest in ROTS shows how wildly out of character Mace was in tales

Tales (felony) tries to portraying Mace as some stickler for the rules, but ROTS shows that Mace will throw aside the rules for the greater good

[butwhatifidothis]

"Why does the context that makes this event look horrible matter? Just take it at face value and never use or gather any information from the other routes. Only information on CF matters when talking about things." Why are Edelstans like this?

It's an attempt to make it to where Edelboo totally isn't the villain - no, see, on every single other route in the game EdeIgard is absolutely nothing like she is on CF! Forget that neither of the other lords or Rhea have this apply to them, and that the routes that aren't their focus have them manifest aspects of their personality in different ways than their focus route does (for better or worse) for them - that doesn't apply to Edelgard! Without Byleth's guidance she is TOTALLY COMEPLTELY NOTHING LIKE SHE IS and anything off of her route shouldn't be taken into account when analyzing her!

Like, to an extent I get it, right? Cuz like, while Dimitri isn't not Dimitri on non-AM routes, it's undeniable that the fullest feel for his character is the one we get on his route. Same with Claude and VW, and Rhea and (the end of) SS. So like, yeah, sure, the best and fullest feel we can get for Edelgard would be on CF.

You know.

The route where she explicitly says that she wants to eliminate the Church, Kingdom, and Alliance.

And wants to make complete Imperial control of Fodlan a reality.

And lies about the Church blowing up Arianrhod and never comes clean.

And calls Nabateans creatures that merely masquerade as human.

And says that Rhea's "true self" (the Immaculate One, as in the form she can take specifically because she is Nabatean) is a "cruel beast."

And calls Nabateans something that has "plagued humanity."

As well as monsters.

And vile.

And, being generous, ignorantly calls a genocide a "simple dispute."

And proposes that Rhea and her family controlled Fodlan and humanity after killing Nemesis.

And can never spare any Nabatean in battle, unlike Byleth.

And says that she wants to kill Rhea and the Nabateans (more explicitly, in the JPN ver.), regardless of whether Byleth sided with Rhea.

And rejoices in the fact that there are no more Nabateans in her S support.

And gives control of the Alliance over to Count Bergliez, an Imperial general, after she kills/forcefully exiles its leader - something that is said to have been planned beforehand.

And lets Thales collect the Alliance Relics.

And doesn't reprimand Hubert in any way for suggesting they use their own allies as hostages against the Kingdom forces.

And implicitly denies the notion that she's ever "unleashed atrocities upon the world."

And lies about giving Garreg Mach time to evacuate - yes, one can surmise this even from just playing CF. Shamir's report on the other routes is not needed.

And still uses Demonic Beasts.

And orders the death of her friends.

All of this. In just post timeskip. Likely isn’t even everything. Is almost completely what specifically Edelgard does/believes (and the rest being what she condones). And exactly 0% of which she ever grows out of doing/believing, or redeems herself from, or apologizes for, or feels regret for.

Which is possibly what fucks me up the most about this idea that "You should just look to CF for Edelgard's character" because, even ignoring how the other two lords + Rhea don't get this treatment, CF is where we learn most of the still very evil things Edelgard does or believes. At best, you knock off the fact that we know she knows who actually committed Duscur (as that's AM exclusive) and so this scene has no real impact on Edelgard specifically. Oh, and that she Totally Feels Super Bad for murdering all of these innocent people. For her war that she admits is meant to put Fodlan back under complete Imperial control. After we add on all of the other shit CF reveals about Edelgard. Oh yeah, so much better than the other routes!

And also, it's just objectively bad to get the lore of Fodlan from just CF, because Edelgard says that her loredumps were based on what’s passed down from emperor to emperor. So, you know. She got her information from her father. Her father who is hard-confirmed to have lied to Edelgard about shit before. Vs getting Fodlan’s lore from Rhea, someone who was literally there herself while the shit was happening. Which is more reliable: something that AT BEST came from a thousand year game of Imperial Telephone (and AT WORST came from flat out lies), or something that came from a direct witness of the events in question? The take is just, like.. bad, all around lol

[fu-miruku]

I've always thought that Toshio isn't human anymore (I prefer thinking he's now an AI made out of human body rather than sexroid for my convenience) until one of the chapters when Shindou said to his colleague that things have changed now since his emotions are coming back. So is he actually still human inside just with prosthetic body parts? I wanna know what you think as you've read the original version and the original words the author used. Thank you!

Oh, that's not an easy question to answer, anon, haha. Prepare for a long post ahead.

So your question is: Is Toshio still human inside, even with his body modified, and his brain messed with, yes?

First of all, how would you describe a human? Is it having all flesh, mind, and heart, and all the innate characteristics we've identified with, to be intact? How much of a loss or defect of any of these are acceptable before you're not "human" anymore?

In the story, we can see the different characters treat Toshio in their own way, based on their own beliefs on what makes someone 'human'. To the others, they clearly didn't see Toshio as human, and simply treated him as a tool for their own benefit.

Because they tampered with his brain for this purpose, Toshio was even unable to comprehend that he is the one being taken advantage of; to see that he's the victim, and all of these people are using him. He clearly had a lot of work done on him to keep his functions carnal and simple, and we can only imagine he was at the mercies of the people in charge of him before Shindou came in.

Although it was reluctant at first, despite the state Toshio was in, Shindou treated him like human; taught him how to act like human. And thanks to that, Toshio was able to regain and respond with emotion that he probably was unable to display before, because nobody else treated him the same way. ...Or did he really lose the ability to feel these emotions in the first place?

"If you're saying this is human, then it won't be a matter of it having emotions or not anymore."

I think this is the scene anon is referring to (Chapter 7). It clearly shows that in this facility, the people here don't think of Toshio as human. Or perhaps that's what they just say to convince themselves. This particular sentence leads me to believe that they are well aware of what they've done, and because they already know they're in too deep in it, this is the only way they can tell themselves that they're not doing anything wrong. If they call Toshio 'human', that would make them question their moral standing, and a lot more complicated things right? So to keep things easy, they hid behind the excuse of treating Toshio as nothing more than an object.

This treatment may also be out of a sense of guilt, as we can see with Nakamura (the family friend/professional Shindou often talked with). He saw that Shindou was treating Toshio as human, and he believed that if Shindou continued to do so, he would feel responsible for Toshio as well, and then blame himself as Nakamura did. Nakamura said that "It is not human anymore. I made it that way." So he knew all the modifications done to Toshio. He probably saw Toshio as a lost case, and believed that there was nothing Shindou could do for Toshio anymore. But Shindou didn't have any of that, and continued to do everything he could for Toshio.

We don't actually know to what extent Toshio's body has been modified, but regardless of whether you believe Toshio only has an AI in him, having lost the ability to feel emotions due to his mind being artificially modified and was only able to learn them thanks to Shindou - or he actually still has these emotions innately and regained them with Shindou's help - do you choose to believe that the look of happiness he has when he's with Shindou to be real, and that of a human's, or not?

I think this work is certainly one that makes you ask these questions to yourself. The manga doesn't say it outright, so neither will I, but in this story with Shindou's narrative, do you choose to believe in Shindou who thinks of Toshio as human, or not? It's up to you to decide, I think.

I'm sorry for going all philosophical anon, I probably gave you more questions than answers, and for blabbering more than I probably should. Lol. I hope I gave you some insight at least! I'm sure the sequel will give more questions and perhaps some answers??

[forgotten-retrouvaille]

Jill Valentine had never known what it was like to slow down, think before she did something. Especially when it came to something like this - her ire was enough to rend the stars from the heavens , she was a wildfire that could scorch the very soil she stood upon.

The utter fury she had felt upon the first rumour she'd heard had been indescribable - she was just about ready to leave right there and then , track him down with cosmic mettle in her bones , make him pay for all that he had done a second time over . She had stopped herself , somehow - she'd directed that anger into launching her own investigation that had ended up leading her here .

She hated the fact that those rumours had been true - but at the same time , she finally had her own chance to do what had been taken from her . Chris and Sheva had killed him back in Kijuju , but something in her had wanted to do it herself, to stand above him and watch the crimson pool out onto the ground beneath them both - he could parade himself as divinity all he wanted , Albert Wesker could call himself a Messiah all he wanted , but even gods bled .

Jill knew of his capability - she'd never really faced someone who could compare to him, maybe she'd made the wrong decision to engage here alone , armed with her usual set of weapons - the B.S.A.A's artillery had been locked down as of late and she technically wasn't supposed to access them while she was still suspended for medical recovery even a couple years later , but she hadn't cared . If anything , it would be even a greater insult to the god among men if she brought him down with a mortal's weapon.

The challenge in his eyes is something that Jill doesn't miss - she doesn't back down , never averts her gaze . Her own piercing blue met hellfire , and she supposed that was accurate enough to what it really was . Terror did not infiltrate her bones , fear did not wring her muscles , no , instead it was rivers of fury , of her own sense of justice , of everything that had been done . Wesker was far stronger than she was , sure , but he wasn't the only strong one - her own capability had grown far more than he'd seen last , and he had been partially responsible for the strength she'd had .

Neither did she miss the way he took a step forward , then another - he wasn't one to back down either , and knowing him, he believed that he was the one in control of the situation, that he held their cards . It was a direct dare for her to try something - he wasn't going to be the first to initiate this unless he decided to . Either way , none of them were going to make it out of this unscathed , but Jill wasn't going to leave until she'd taken her pound of flesh .

A songbird against a rattlesnake , was what it was . That wasn't so say she didn't have her own venom though , and that exact thing was what tinged every single one of her words.

"My captain , is a dead man ." She stood her ground despite his slow approach - Jill wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cower - not that she would regardless . Acutely aware of every weapon on her person , her training far surpassed his , even if he was significantly stronger and faster than she was . Hell , she'd been the most qualified on S.T.A.R.S. since the beginning - Jill hadn't seen why she hadn't been pointman , but she had surmised that Wesker was far more aware of the extent of her capability than she'd initially assumed . She'd nearly put two and two together before the revelation at the mansion , and even before , when she was conducting her own investigations and felt something off. Jill now realized it had been a way to help Wesker cover his own tracks , move any of her questions to something else instead .

"You can take your fucking manners and shove it ."

❝ i'm going to send you back to the hell you came from . ❞

(from jill in his post re5 verse !)

"Do you ever get tired of these fools errands?"

Time was a fickle thing - it could change everything else in the world. But where he was concerned it stagnated and stayed rooted. Perhaps he could credit that to Uroboros. Or one of the many other strains he had acquired and used on himself in a seemingly endless pursuit of godhood.

Or perhaps it was all just luck. Poor luck - at least in Jill's case.

When he takes a few languid steps towards her, it becomes quite clear he isn't phased by their reunion. For some reason it had always felt inevitable. Futile really. Never once does his gaze faulter from her. The bright red of his stare emulates a potent glow. One that seems to dare Jill to try something - anything.

"Is that any way to greet your old Captain. My the years truly have waned your manners."

[distinguished-slacker]

Owari no Seraph — An Analysis of Shinoa and Mitsuba’s Friendship

(Warning: A long post that nobody asked for and I had to make the panels tightly packed into one image each due to the Tumblr 10 images per post restriction so I am not taking responsibility for any brain aneurysms I might cause. I am serious, it’s really LONG.)

(Why? Because this cursed manga needs more girl power.)

(Note: Friendship)

We always speak about friendships like the ones between Yuu and Mika, and Guren and Shinya but we rarely talk about the one in the girls’ side, which is the the friendship between Shinoa and Mitsuba. It is the only female friendship we actually have in Owari no Seraph since we haven’t seen Chess and Horn ever since Nagoya arc, and we barely get to see how Mito, Sayuri and Shigure act with each other as friends when the topic of conversation is not Guren.

I agree that Shinoa and Mitsuba’s friendship is cute and funny. However, as I reread the manga I realised that their relationship is deeper than that, that each contributed into the development of the other to a degree but at the same there is a wall that keeps them from growing closer but of which none of them is aware of, and how their distance has been exacerbated by some faults that makes me believe their relationship is deteriorating.

So I decided to make a deep analysis with some theorising about their friendship throughout the manga where I make it sound more complex than the sexualised joke Kagami has made of it :D

The first time we had a glimpse of their friendship is of course when Mitsuba debuted in chapter 8 of the manga as the fifth and last member of Shinoa squad. She is first seen complaining to Guren about why was she placed in a squad full of rookies being most visibly infuriated by the fact that the “sarcastic airhead Hīragi Shinoa” was chosen as the squad leader instead of her. When Shinoa appears, she addresses Mitsuba as “Micchan” (or Mi-chan/Mitsu/whatever translation) and mocks her, angering Mitsuba more and driving her to manifest her weapon to fight Shinoa. This scene shows that they have known each other before Shinoa squad was established. The question was when? Shinoa described her life before the catastrophe occurred as “living under a rock” and how she “didn’t see or speak with anyone at all” in the afterword of volume 17, which can be further proved by the events of the Catastrophe at 16 light novels. Shinoa and Mitsuba were bound to meet because of their statuses as Hīragi and Sangū respectively but Shinoa was always kept in the shadows by her family so it’s quite unlikely that they have met as children before the catastrophe.

The only possibility for them to have met is for military reasons rather than for family reasons. In chapter 3, before Shinoa squad was formed, it was revealed that Shinoa is part of the vampire extermination unit but we don’t know for how long. Considering that Mitsuba used the argument of joining the vampire extermination unit at the age of thirteen to explain why would she make a better squad leader than Shinoa, it’s safe to assume that Shinoa joined later than Mitsuba. However, Shinoa received Shikama Dōji as a weapon in 2012 when she was 7 (6 if Kagami could do maths but whatever...) so I doubt the army would let a capable and armed person have a relaxing life for so many years when she could be used for fighting instead since there is a shortage of soldiers (unless Shinoa used her power as a Hīragi, which sometimes works in her favour, to avoid military duties). Moreover, I doubt that the army would place an unexperienced soldier straight into the extermination unit, which is the most dangerous unit in the Japanese Imperial Demon Army, regardless of their status, especially a child. So even if Mitsuba said she joined this unit when she was 13, there is a small chance that she has been a soldier before that but was tasked with easier jobs like being a wall guard and the same thing could be applied to Shinoa. In other words, it’s likely that these two girls have known each other for a good number of years before the timeline of Vampire Reign began.

The reason why I want to believe that Shinoa and Mitsuba met a considerable time ago before the start of the series is because of Shinoa’s attitude towards her. Shinoa has lived a life lacking family love and social interaction which caused her to become apathetic and unemotional up until the formation of Shinoa squad. But somehow there is this girl, who is the only one whom Shinoa gives a cute nickname, has a lot of interest on teasing her and feels comfortable enough to barge into her shower and be seen naked when that is a situation where a person is really vulnerable. I mean, considering Mitsuba’s personality, it’s understandable why Shinoa feels so free to act like that around her but still it’s emotionally detached Hīragi Shinoa we are talking about.

(From top to bottom, and left to right: chapters 8, 9, 19, 29 and 43)

One thing that bothers me is how Kagami made it look like as if Shinoa was completely empty before being influenced by Yuu’s ‘kindness’ when that is not true at all and Shinoa was able to show a caring side before that.

One example of this is in the same chapter where Mitsuba debuted, shown in the top-left panel. In this chapter Mitsuba is acting so bossy and arrogant here that to be honest anyone would find her annoying. However, Mitsuba’s constant shouting about battle formation is to ensure that everyone adheres to the rules to avoid any danger, especially considering the reckless attitude Yuu has displayed here about killing vampires as soon as he sees them. In reality, Mitsuba’s behaviour is a defence mechanism in order to hide her traumas regarding the death of her previous squad members and Shinoa knows this well. Shinoa knows Mitsuba is a kind person on the inside, going to the extent of even calling “adorable” how Mitsuba feels that their lives are her responsibility, and that’s why she tells Yuu to bear with Mitsuba because Shinoa doesn’t want him to hate her.

In the panel below the first one which occurs in the next chapter when the girls are in the showers, Shinoa comforts Mitsuba telling her it wasn’t necessarily her fault that the entire squad got annihilated (as some of the members were already killed before Mitsuba made any reckless move, Mitsuba was too young and it was the leader’s decision to sacrifice himself for her). Speaking about this, Shinoa is the only one in the squad who knows about Mitsuba’s past and it makes me wonder whether Mitsuba herself told Shinoa about this or Shinoa discovered it since as a Sangū, Mitsuba must be well known in the army so her failure might have been spread around and Shinoa happened to discover it. It depends on how much of friends they were before the beginning of the manga; whether they were friends before that or they were somewhat distant but strengthened their friendship when the squad was established. After all, it is hinted that they live together in the chapter where they tried to cook for the guys though Shinoa said it was her room (but it wasn’t specified if it was Mitsuba’s too) so maybe Mitsuba decided to come over for that event. In the anime there was a bunk bed in the room next to the living room which wasn’t shown in the manga but still it doesn’t hurt mentioning it.

This one is a very subtle panel. In the middle panel that happened in chapter 29 after Shinoa and Narumi squad finished their mission of killing Lucal Wesker in Nagoya arc, Yuu realises that people really do die in these missions and Mitsuba replies to him with a “Your friends die. That’s the reality of battle...I...I’ve seen this...” while recalling her previous squad’s members deaths. Shinoa quickly picks up on this and touches her elbow in comfort, as highlighted by the green circle pointed by the green arrow, and gives a speech that reminds Mitsuba that she is not alone anymore and has people who are still alive for her to protect. I really love this moment because Shinoa was so perceptive of the little changes happening within Mitsuba.

In the right panel, it might look like Shinoa is throwing the bothersome job to explain the squad’s situation to Mitsuba, which might be true considering how Shinoa is sometimes, but I like this panel because it shows that Shinoa lets Mitsuba have her part and act as her second in command since being squad leader is what Mitsuba initially wanted. Mitsuba seems to be happy to act as her second in command which shows their relationship is more chill than what their first scene together in the manga made it look like.

Like Shinoa cares for Mitsuba, Mitsuba cares for Shinoa too. In the bottom-left panel which is taken from chapter 19, Kimizuki is suspicious of Shinoa after Yoichi and him were interrogated and tortured by the Hīragis, going as far as thinking she was using Yuu and saying that this is nothing but a “sickness” where he is forced to “play comrades”. Mitsuba quickly defends her by stopping Kimizuki because she knows Shinoa is only making them hide Yuu’s transformation out of genuine care for a comrade. Curiously, this scene parallels to a scene in chapter 99 that occurs after Shinoa makes Shikama Dōji submit. Kimizuki starts shouting at Shinoa thinking that she has been using them all while laughing behind their backs the whole time. This time Mitsuba doesn’t intervene. There are three possibilities for this: one is that Mitsuba is simply being relegated to the sidelines due to constricted space in the current events of the manga, two, that Mitsuba cannot act because this whole situation confuses her which is understandable, and three, that Mitsuba and Shinoa are becoming more distant, which I will explain later in this post.

I tried to find more panels of Mitsuba visibly showing care for Shinoa in the beginning and middle of the manga but it was hard but this is not Mitsuba’s fault, neither Shinoa’s. To be brief, Shinoa is a tough nut to crack. With her personality it’s hard to get emotionally close to her. Add to that that Mitsuba has her emotional baggage too which makes her emotionally constipated, this sets a wall between the girls so I hope Kagami will do something with it later in the manga where it breaks. Yuu already achieved it, so why not Mitsuba who is supposedly Shinoa’s only female friend and even best friend?

(Left: chapter 26 and Right: chapter 45)

When Guren knocked Mitsuba out during the squad mock battle and when Mitsuba was attacked by Crowley, Shinoa always jumped to protect her regardless of the risk. Have a look at Shinoa’s pained face when Mitsuba told them to leave her behind or Shinoa’s determined face when she told Makoto to follow Kimizuki and Yoīchi in order to rescue Mitsuba. That raw emotion. Seriously, is it me or ironically in the beginning of the manga Shinoa showed far more emotion despite being claimed to be initially cold?

(Top left: chapter 19, bottom left: chapter 26 and right: chapter 24)

Does someone else miss when these two girls used to team up to annoy the boys? These scenes might seem for pure comedic purposes but they are actually deeper than what they look like. When Mitsuba debuted, she was not only strict with others but with herself too. Due to her past failure and family expectations, she was forcing herself to grow up quicker, to be the perfect soldier and follow the rules even if that put herself under pressure. However, as she got more involved with the squad she became more free and Shinoa’s personality started started to rub off on her. There are two scenes where Shinoa starts with her pranks and Mitsuba follows with them. It’s vastly thanks to Shinoa that Mitsuba started to act like the teenager she is and that’s really wholesome. I mean, just look at how happy Mitsu is at the bottom left panel or her smirk, something unusual for her, in the bottom right panel when they abandon Kimizuki on the side of the highway (lmao poor Kimizuki). This duo have a great dynamic!

Interestingly, as the series progresses, you can see how both Mitsuba and Shinoa’s characters start acquiring qualities from the other. The always so stiff and temperamental Mitsuba becomes more laid-back and honest while Shinoa goes through the process of discovering more emotions within herself and expressing actual interest on other things. But the problem is that while Mitsuba’s change was influenced by the squad, Shinoa’s was primarily by influenced by Yuu.

(Top left: chapter 8, bottom left and middle right: chapter 48, top right: chapter 17 and bottom right: chapter 43)

It is known that Shinoa loves to tease Mitsuba. In fact, her favourite person to tease is Mitsu because in the fanbook Shinoa said that someone who gets bullied easily is “1. Micchan 2.Micchan 3.Micchan” and even Mitsuba said that she hears Shinoa talk about her a lot.

The first thing Shinoa does when they reunite in chapter 8 is tease her. In chapter 48 when they are talking in the girls’ toilet you can see Shinoa looking at Mitsuba with soft and sweet expressions. Shinoa is really comfortable around her and Mitsuba’s personality allows Shinoa to be herself. Shinoa even said “I really like you when you always react to me like this.” with a gentle laugh which is something rare for her to say.

However, there are times where I personally feel that Shinoa should set some limits to herself regarding how much she teases Mitsuba and with what topics she uses to tease her like when she joked about Mitsuba not being a virgin in chapter 43 because the combined blood of the squad that Mika drank was gross. Although I find hilarious how Mitsuba reacted with a “I am SO going to kill you someday!!” but limits are limits, especially if it’s in front of everyone.

Another panel that was used for comedic purposes that I find somewhat off is the one in chapter 17 showed at the top right corner. Before this panel, Mitsuba says with a serious face that she hopes “things go okay for Yuu” in the interview with the Hīragi family and Shinoa starts teasing Mitsuba saying that she is in love with Yuu. Shinoa teases her but her gaze is at the building not at Mitsuba, her focus is on Yuu, and so it feels as if she teased Mitsuba to cover something else. And what is that something else? Easy. This scene happens not longer after Shinoa confronts Guren in his office about him drugging Yuu where Guren asks Shinoa if she fell in love with him. Ever since this moment Shinoa started to doubt about her feelings and I feel that she teased Mitsuba about her being in love with Yuu to cover her own feelings and that is not a nice thing to do to a friend.

Shinoa annoyed her many times throughout, Mitsuba never really got seriously angry at her aside from an occasional initial outburst. Mitsuba shows great patience with Shinoa, unless there is something we don’t know since we have never gotten an inner monologue of Mitsuba but I will talk about this later.

(Chapter 17)

In the same chapter but some panels before, Shinoa makes fun of Mitsuba addressing her incompetence paralleling to how she made fun of her when they met in chapter 8. Mitsuba just got out of an interview with the Hīragis where she has been promoted, and Shinoa mocks her about how easily she can climb up the ranks just because she is a Sangū and not because of her abilities. On one hand, considering Mitsuba’s severe low self-esteem Shinoa shouldn’t be joking with this a lot but on the other hand, it’s because Shinoa is like this that Mitsuba is comfortable with her. Mitsuba doesn’t like it when everyone talks bad behind her back while praising her on the front, so Shinoa, who is the only one who is honest with her, makes Mitsuba feel at ease (let’s not count Yuu here because that guy is clueless about the weight that the hierarchy holds within the JIDA).

In the middle panel we can see how Shinoa talks about herself to Mitsuba and the same thing can be said with the toilet scene in chapter 48. Mitsuba is the only one out of the squad who knows about Shinoa’s life within the Hīragi family and some story with her older sister Mahiru (I know this is because those higher ranking family members have access to that information but nevertheless this gives Mitsuba an advantage when it comes to bonding with Shinoa). However, Shinoa is here just stating facts but doesn’t open emotionally to Mitsuba so that wall between them persists. Considering that they might have been friends for years, it’s mostly Shinoa’s closed heart the main reason that made their friendship stagnant. But of course, this is not Shinoa’s fault since she is a product of her terrible childhood.

When you look deeper into it, they don’t have the emotional bond and trust they should have with each other.

In the right panel, that’s where the real problem in their friendship starts. Please zoom and have a look at the section surrounded by the vertical amber rectangle. Have a look at Mitsuba’s expression. She is angry and not for comedic purposes. Shinoa has just asked Mitsuba how much information about Yuu she “bribed” the Hīragis with in exchange for her promotion. It doesn’t even look like Shinoa is joking here. She actually thought that Mitsuba, her closest friend, would fall so low as to sell a comrade for a promotion that she didn’t even want in the first place. Look at the region surrounded by the horizontal amber rectangle and you can see that despite Mitsuba already told Shinoa she did not say a thing, Shinoa keeps asking her if she said anything about Yuu going berserk in the battlefield as if she doesn’t fully trust Mitsuba. To be honest, Shinoa crossed the line here and I wouldn’t have noticed it if I hadn’t read the beginning of the manga since in the anime they made it different.

This is the beginning of the popular scenario where a friendship is tested when a guy comes in between.

(From top to bottom: chapters 57, 70 and 75)

In chapter 57, Guren reveals to everyone a shocking fact; Shinoa was born with a demon inside her because of a crazy experiment. Mitsuba is the one who looks the most visibly shocked and when she asks Shinoa what does he mean by that Shinoa instead looks away to where Yuu is even though he didn’t ask her anything unlike Mitsuba. To me, this where Mitsuba and Shinoa’s friendship officially entered the amber region.

Then, in chapter 70, Aoi starts choking Mitsuba, asking her why she is not dead and branding her as traitor. Shinoa didn’t try to stop it but it’s understandable since going against Aoi could be punished, especially because they are in JIDA territory, and that Yuu was already doing the job of defending Mitsuba. What I found curious about this is that the whole time Aoi was talking bad about Mitsuba being a traitor we get scenes with Yuu, and even a glimpse of Kimizuki and Yoichi as highlighted by the blue square but not of Shinoa. Shinoa is only shown just after Yuu says “I’m Mitsuba’s family” as if this choice in the structuring of these panels is implying that Yuu saying something nice to another girl gets more reaction from Shinoa than when said girl, who is a friend of Shinoa too, is in a problem. What hurts me the most is that even if there was no need for Shinoa to intervene, we don’t get any shocked or sad expression of her while Aoi puts her hands on Mitsuba’s neck or starts insulting her.

Shinoa’s priorities changed and this is further seen when she is turning into a vampire in chapter 75 and everyone is around the wheeled stretcher where Shinoa is lying on but she looks only at Yuu. I could say that maybe she looked at Yuu instead of anyone else because he was closer to Shinoa’s face but then when Shinoa is taken to the doctors and scientists the last thing she thinks of is “Yuuichi...ro” and only Yuuichiro.

(Chapter 86)

I guess we are going into the orange area now...While Shinoa changes, Mitsuba stays relatively the same. The panel where Mitsuba runs to Shinoa and hugs her in tears is the greatest proof of how much Mitsuba cares for Shinoa, which is impacting for the readers since we haven’t got much of their friendship for a long time up until that point. Now, if we compare Shinoa’s facial expressions in this chapter with the ones I have previously shown in chapters like 45 (when Crowley attacked Mitsuba) and 48 (when they talked in the toilet), you can see the difference. Before, Shinoa’s face was full of genuine happiness, care and worry but now she is poker faced. She completely disregards Mitsuba’s concern for her and crying. She doesn’t show a shocked face, doesn’t hug Mitsuba back or doesn’t even tell her “Sorry for making you worry, Micchan” or something like that. She turns the situation into a boob joke and Mitsuba simply replies back. Then, we get an emotional panel again of Mitsuba asking Shinoa if she is really herself again (and if you zoom to where the green arrow as pointing at you can see Mitsuba’s red eyes from crying a lot) but then Shinoa continues with the boob joke like nothing. Sure, I understand that Shinoa has fallen in love and her priorities are somewhere else, but could she at least show more concern for Mitsuba?

Now some people might tell me that I am making a huge deal out of it, that’s it normal Shinoa is not comforting her or acting accordingly to the situation because Shinoa is emotionally stagnant and dense but this is actually not true at all. Please have a look at this image below:

(Chapters 85 and 90)

The first and only person Shinoa thinks about after being freed from her possession in chapter 85 is “Yuuichiro” (or Yuu-san if the translators did it properly). She doesn’t think about the rest of her squad even though she is supposed to be the squad leader.

Then here is where we can make the comparison. In chapter 86, Mitsuba was crying because she was scared since Shinoa was ‘dying’ by turning into a vampire, Yuu got kidnapped, and Kimizuki, Yoichi and Makoto left her without telling her a thing when the war broke out. Mitsuba informs her of this. Four chapters later, in chapter 90, which probably happened like half an hour or an hour in the OnS universe after Mitsuba cried, when Yoichi says Yuu was crying Shinoa gets worked up saying “I have to rescue him”. Shinoa hasn’t even seen with her own eyes that Yuu was crying yet she is prepared to go and help him when she didn’t do it for the girl who was crying right in front of her just some minutes ago. This shows clear favouritism towards Yuu. Of course, there is nothing wrong with having the person you like as your first priority. It’s almost the natural thing to occur, especially considering that this is the first time Shinoa feels like this. However, it’s because of things like this that the possibility of Shinoa eventually losing the closest friend she has exists.

(Also if someone wants to object to that part saying that Shinoa didn’t comfort Yuu in the end I will just say that it’s not weird considering Yuu was acting all happy go lucky and on the outside he didn’t look like needed comfort even if he really did.)

Also, many people noticed the use of “I” instead of “We” in “I have to rescue him” and “Yuuichiro... Hang in there. I’m on my way.” even though she is with the whole squad and I especially find it more surprising considering that when she said this last phrase, Mitsuba was next to her (or behind her from our perspective) showing that Shinoa doesn’t think of Mitsuba as much as she used to in the past. This mirrors what Mahiru told Shinoa in chapter 56, even though Shinoa couldn’t hear her, about how “sexual desire and lust” (I am going to put “crush” here instead because this might be too far someone like Shinoa) “corrupts you” “to the point where you don’t care about the world and its future anymore” and this already started with Shinoa’s care for the squad decreasing at the expense of her care for Yuu increasing.

Additionally, if you are a fan of this manga art style you might have took an interest on its illustrations and might have noticed that ever since Osaka arc there have not been many illustrations of them together anymore. At most it’s just Shinoa alone. Whether it implies their distance or Yamamoto simply does not have the time of making complex illustrations again, I don’t know.

(Chapters 54 and 96, and volume 17 afterword ending on chapter 69)

Boob jokes. The worst part. Boob jokes. The first time I guess it was okay but it just keeps repeating and it’s not only in the manga. I even looked at the anime fanbook, and watched the CD Dramas and some clips of the game Owari no Seraph: Unmei no Hajimari (which all take place at the time before the squad defected the army) and I realised that there are more times where Shinoa makes a comment about Mitsuba’s chest. Some people say that this significant number of times Shinoa starts a boob conversation may indicate that rather than being jealous, she is obsessed and actually attracted to Mitsuba. But ships aside (I want to keep this post as ship-free as possible), it’s not nice that every time these two have an interaction, which is rare lately and so special because of its rarity, the topic is boobs. It’s not even funny and it degrades their relationship. Why Kagami cannot treat their relationship like the boys’s and give them scenes where they talk about their emotions rather than body parts? After all, the friendship between Shinoa and Mitsuba is not that different to Yuu and Mika’s or Guren and Shinya’s for reasons like sharing a past together. The major difference I can only find between them is their biological sexes and this is not an excuse for this bias.

But since I am the type of person who likes to looks deeper into every joke I am going to do it for these ones. The only thing that I find refreshing about these jokes is that at the beginning every time Shinoa made a comment about Mitsuba’s body, Mitsu was always embarrassed, exhausted and denying any claims. But because Shinoa started this topic of conversation so many times Mitsuba has gathered the experience and skill points to retort her insults😂 Shinoa has awakened Bad Girl Mitsu, and Dethroned Sass Queen is now on the losing end loool just joking.

It might seem that everything that I mentioned in this post until now it’s a lot for Shinoa and Mitsuba but remember that for them, ever since they arrived to the JIDA and all this mess started around chapter 70 they have been in the same day in the OnS universe (even if for us it has been years) and only two days passed at most ever since Shikama Dōji started influencing Shinoa’s views on Yuu in chapter 66 (although Shikama Dōji probably talked to her about him offscreen a lot of times before this chapter). It has been only one bad day, it’s okay, there is no need to panic, Mitsuba and Shinoa are still super best friends and will be...or that is what I would like to say because one, if in just one day Shinoa’s feelings became this crazy imagine how she would be after a longer time if no one stops her? And two, Mitsuba is starting to notice Shinoa’s feelings for Yuu:

(From left to right: chapters 10, 19 and 99)

As I mentioned in a previous post, the number of times Mitsuba is realising that Shinoa feels something for Yuu from afar in the manga is around 3 or 4 (I am not including the fourth since I am not really sure about it), with the most recent being the most eye catching. Now, you might tell me that Mitsuba is just jealous which I would agree since the first panel gives that impression by going with the typical cliché where the second girl is jealous of the first girl. But then if you look at the whole three panels there is nothing that exactly shows a jealous expression on Mitsuba’s face but rather she is just concerned or surprised. It’s hard to decipher her emotions here but if you look closely at the middle and right panel you might notice something in common: Shinoa is placing her hand on top of Yuu’s. So it’s more likely that Mitsuba is looking at this specifically rather than at the whole picture of Yuu and Shinoa together considering that these latter two have gotten scenes together many times but Mitsuba never looked at them and acted normal. Kagami is the type of subverting our expectations like when Yuu was supposed to be the main protagonist but sometimes he seems to be a cover and the real protagonist of the story is Guren (this is just my impression). For this case, Shinoa has been called a “dispassionate observer” by Shikama Dōji in chapter 72 but sometimes I feel that the observer is Mitsuba.

This could explain why we have never gotten a glimpse of Mitsuba’s heart and demon even though she is a main female deuteragonist and the only one unaddressed in Shinoa squad. It might seem that she is patient and a stagnant character, but all these subtle moments might be building up to a potential Mitsuba mini arc that will be about her relationship with Shinoa? After all, what Mitsuba cares about the most is her squad, so bonds is a likely theme. Moreover, in the fanbook Mitsuba’s favourite person was stated to be Shinoa (while for everyone else it was ‘Yuu’). It’s possible that she will confront Shinoa about this because Shinoa never tells her anything about herself so Mitsuba has to do all the guessing and Shinoa has grown distant from her. No way Mitsuba is fine with that. Looking at this, it’s normal we haven’t gotten much of them because looking at the current events of the manga, now is not the time to sit down (it’s not like they either have the time) and do something that might sever bonds anymore. This is why I came to the conclusion that if it’s not just bad writing, then Kagami deteriorating their friendship is something intentional.

Now, how will Shinoa and Mitsuba’s friendship proceed from here will rely mainly on two factors. One is whether what Shinoa feels for Yuu is genuine or a result of Shikama Dōji and Mahiru brainwashing her, and two, whether Mitsuba feels something for Yuu too or not. For one, I am not going to jump to conclusions regarding Shinoa’s feelings for Yuu and I will just say that regardless of whichever route Kagami chooses, Shinoa still has to cherish her friendship with Mitsuba. For two, it’s ambiguous as I can say as many arguments for Mitsuba having a crush on Yuu as arguments against. So let’s wait and see. However, I want to say that making Mitsuba crush on Yuu would be unwise considering that it’s already hard enough with Mika and Shinoa, so adding Mitsuba would mean pointlessly adding more fuel to the fire, especially considering Yuu’s personality and that he might not end up with anyone by the end of the series.

However, if somehow Kagami decides to take the route where one, Shinoa’s love for Yuu moves forwards and two, it happens at the expense of her friendship with Mitsuba and others, I will start calling Kagami a hypocrite. This is because we are talking about the guy who said that the focus of OnS is not romance, but family and bonds. Therefore, I would be disgusted at his bias of exploring only the theme of family and bonds within male friendships at the expense of destroying female friendships just for romance.

I theorise that this confrontation (not a cat fight) will happen around when Shinoa will entirely lose the strength to keep restraining Sika and become possessed again (unless Yuu is here to save the day of course). For this to happen we will need a scene with Mitsuba talking with Tenjiryū in which we can finally see how she feels in order to set everything up before this moment, and another scene that will be a flashback of Shinoa and Mitsuba meeting for the first time when younger so we can actually understand the magnitude of their friendship.

And how this confrontation will happen? To be honest I don’t think that there is any person capable of putting up a fight against a Shikama Dōji possessed Shinoa (unless the main character’s plot armor is used here again) so Mitsuba confronting Shinoa will be at an emotional level where Mitsuba might voice her preoccupations and will tell Shinoa to trust her more instead of keeping things to herself because they are friends. This will be a perfect opportunity for the wall that Shinoa put between them to break and for Mitsuba to be finally given the chance of paying back everything that Shinoa did for her.

The reason why Shinoa needs to be stopped is easy. If she keeps going like this, at this rate she will take the same path as Mahiru where she moves everyone out of the way in order to obsess over one thing, being alone with no one to give advice to her or stop her when she will be making dangerous decisions. All this emotional outburst Shinoa has shown recently is not healthy because she is being rushed instead of being allowed to do things at her pace. She needs to calm down, and realise that where she should be emotionally expressive is with her friends as a whole group.

If you managed to read the whole post, I am sorry aghjskwkashs but it’s just that I wanted people to give attention to this underrated friendship😭💔 It’s so underrated so that’s why I wrote such a long post because I wanted to include every single detail (I hope I didn’t miss anything🤔) and searched for as many images as I can for evidence (sorry for making it so compact that the images might look blurry due to Tumblr restrictions🤧).

P.S. When I will be a granny (considering the fuckin slow pace of this damn manga) I wish to go back to this post and assess whether I was an amazing analyst or an idiot for trusting Kagami😂

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk about ‘Friends’ by BTS

by Admin 1

Friends is the subunit song by Jimin and Taehyung (co-written and co-produced by Jimin) from Map of the Soul : 7 which was released in February 2020. Interestingly enough, the Korean title is actually 친구, a word that is only used for friends of the same age, which is how ARMY figured out that it had to be their subunit prior to the release of the album.

On a very surface level, Friends is about the bond between Jimin and Taehyung recounting different little stories over the years, including the now famous dumpling incident which was first presented to us as a conflict that merely took up a few hours. Actually though it was a conflict that grew big enough that Jimin and Taehyung barely spoke to each other for two weeks and it culminated in Jimin getting drunk with Yoongi and then meeting Taehyung at a park at 4 am to make up. Yes, the same park at 4 am that Taehyung and Namjoon sing about in 4 O’Clock. That song, like many suspected, really was about Jimin and Taehyung as well.

But, while Friends might seem simple and fun on the outside, especially due to the upbeat melody and anthem like chorus, I think there is far more to it than meets the eye. Stella Jang, who co-wrote the lyrics, said in an interview with K-Pop Herald that BigHit sent her an email which contained the song as well as long stories about Jimin’s and Taehyung’s bond and based on that she was supposed to write short lyrics. She also had a friend, who is an ARMY, help her truly understand the depth of their bond. That alone to me shows that this goes far deeper than most might assume, and others wish for it.

Hello my alien We’re each other’s mystery Would it be why it’s more special

This verse for me is very interesting, especially since Jimin reclaims a nickname that people used to call Taehyung by which he hated. Instead Jimin turned it into something endearing, something that now belongs to them instead of others. It’s also noteworthy that that specific line is in English, not Korean, and he says my alien, so basically telling the listener that he takes some kind of claim over Taehyung, connects them in a way that anyone would understand, and unmistakably highlights that he’s the only one to call him like this because Taehyung is special to him, much the way you’d call someone dear to you/someone you love by an endearment such as ‘my darling’ or ‘my love’. 

More below the cut:

The mystery part could refer to the early days of their friendship, the times when they were just getting to know each other and trying to figure out their dynamic and each other in a more general sense. We know they almost instantly became friends, stuck to each other and spent a lot of time together, despite constantly getting in little fights, but perhaps those struggles were what made the end result that much more special to them. Interesting to note is also how Jimin once said that when he saw Tae for the first time he experienced many different emotions (he didn’t specify which ones though), and how to this day he remembers Tae only wearing those red shorts and snapback and how even then he already looked like an idol/celebrity. 

But the line could also refer to something more recent, or something more overarching, like a secret about themselves that only they know about, that they share and guard together.

Someday, when these cheers die down, stay hey Stay with me by my side Forever, keep staying here, hey

and

Someday, when these cheers die down, stay hey You are my soulmate Forever, keep staying here, hey You are my soulmate

These two might just be the most important parts of the song, and the ones that seem to be the hardest to swallow for some. This is basically Jimin and Taehyung asking each other to stay together forever, even when (or especially when) their careers will be over and BTS won’t be such a main and overarching reason for them to stay by each other anymore, so to speak. It implies that what they have is something they want to last forever, that it reaches far beyond them just being two best friends inside a group, but that they are rather two people who found ‘their person’ in each other. They know they’ve found something one of a kind, once in a lifetime, and want to hold on to it, to each other. It’s also them proclaiming and reminding everyone once again that they are soulmates, that this isn’t just something ARMY made up, some shipping agenda or anything like it, but that it is truly the title they see most fit for each other, that it basically feels like their bond was destiny and they were always meant to be together. You are my soulmate is also in English, something that every listener will understand, something so important they specifically made it this way so you wouldn’t need to look up translations from Korean to get it.

Sidenote--somehow soulmate has become a very debated term in connection to vmin so lets look at the definition for soulmate that wikipedia gives us: A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust. Most of these are rather connected to the most traditional way in which people imagine soulmates, as in two people destined for each other, lovers perfect for one another. Of course there are friendship type soulmates, but those are far more rare in peoples minds. The point I’m getting at is that Jimin and Taehyung never defined which type of soulmate they are, and until I saw non-vminies have a fight about how they’re definitely just platonic ones, I never even really saw the word soulmate in connection with ‘platonic’. In a way you could argue that both sides are right, that they are both friendship soulmates but also romantic ones as well, their bond encompassing both. But in the end, of course, that’s something only they can confirm yet I thought I’ll mention it anyway.

Like your pinky, we’re still the same I know your everything We must trust each other Don’t forget Instead of an obvious thank-you, you and I — let’s promise that we won’t fight tomorrow, for real

These lines may seem so simple, short and sweet, but I think there is a lot of meaning to them, a lot that’s written between the lines and potentially only something they understand the true extent of. I know your everything is another reminder that they are each others secret keepers, each others closest confidants, their person to go to and laugh or cry or celebrate with. Jimin and Taehyung have something that is rare, one of a kind, and it’s something beautiful that should be regarded with respect and wonder since it’s close to a miracle that they met and formed their bond in such a manner. After all Jimin is from Busan and Taehyung from Daegu, chances are, if BTS hadn’t happened, they might’ve never met, though looking at everything BTS have said about each other, they seem to believe they were all destined to meet regardless if as members of BTS or as normal people. The same most likely would’ve also have been the case for Jimin and Taehyung, and Friends is a beautiful piece of proof of that.

Many dismiss Friends as just a song about their friendship, but I think once you truly think about the lyrics and the thoughts that must’ve gone into it, you might change your mind. Even more so when you take into account what Namjoon said about Friends in his MOTS:7 vlive, how he wouldn’t even dare try writing any of the lyrics because he could never, ever do them justice, and how just thinking about the bond Taehyung and Jimin have, he gets goosebumps. That alone already says a lot, implies a lot of different things, very deep and (in my opinion) potentially more than just friends type things. There was also a moment during Bon Voyage 3 in Malta where Namjoon and Seokjin were at a restaurant together and somehow they brought up Taehyung and Jimin and both just shook their heads at how they are just--something, something apparently meaningful enough neither dared to voice it.

Friends might not be something you’d call a traditionally romantic or love song by any means, at least sound wise, but I’d argue the lyrics tell a completely different story, one of a bond that binds two souls, that combines friendship and love (both the love you have for a cherished friend, but also the one you feel for a romantic partner, I’d argue). The song, as well as 4 O’Clock are far more than meets the eye, you just have to be open and willing enough to see it.

After all Taehyung did say: “95z is love.” The biggest clue of them all.

(Lyric snippets taken from 친구 (Friends))

[iersei]

i just. i can't make myself care about the finale. i can't make myself care about a lot of the recent stuff period. the stakes got so big with so little time to rest that each new development felt less and less like anything that i should be invested in. and like! it sucks! i still love these characters! i still love this world! but i just don't believe that the narrative loves them the same way anymore!!

i'm sorry, but you can't honestly expect me to believe a final speech about "you did it! you ended the cycle!" when there's been a severe lack of closure and emotional connection on several fronts from all of the core families. i have a plethora of issues about dood's goodbye in general, the biggest of them being the fact that i didn't feel anything about it. they didn't even get to leave on much of a good note, and it felt so unsatisfying when it felt like that was what the whole season was building up to! none of what was being said felt earned. none of it felt TRUE either.

even without going in-depth on my personal feelings about the writing of the close family and how they were handled in general (because believe me, i can), the end of their arc was literally "there's no fixing this" like you've gotta be KIDDING ME.

in a series where the core theme is meant to be intergenerational trauma and interpersonal relationships, those ideas have taken a major backseat in favor of throwing a handful of teens into situation after situation of increasing difficulty and it's felt less and less like there's been any good reason for any of it. a lot of the major stakes ended up centering the doodler specifically instead of the main families, and i honestly think this could've worked! but it's gotten to a point where neither idea was fully realized in a way that kinda destroyed the main messaging and any investment i had left in this series.

i want to care about dood. i love dood! i think they're such a cool concept for a character! BUT THEY BARELY GOT TO FEEL LIKE A CHARACTER! when the narrative disregarded so much of the relationships the teens had with their parents in favor of dealing with the doodler and then the PCs barely even acknowledge dood, it almost feels like it's all been for nothing.

and if i may say, i truly believe that hermie was the canary in the coal mine in regard to how the lack of care of NPCs was destroying this season.

forgetting all of the essential NPCs was bad enough as is, but with the power of hindsight, doing it so constantly and consistently to the one that's been in their party this entire time to the point that it became a complex for him (and then not even fully resolving that to the very end!) and killing him off without much closure or fanfare felt so unfair on so many levels.

if you don't have the patreon or didn't keep up with the news of why the cast did what they did (regardless of how i feel about their reasoning), hermie's death also came out of nowhere within the story itself. there was no roll of the dice. there was no check to make. there was nothing any of the PCs could actually do to prevent his death from happening. it happens so suddenly that you think it should be a fake-out, but it fucking isn't!

hermie had SO MUCH potential! his relationships with most, if not all, of the main cast should've been important after all this time! THEY'RE LITERALLY A BROKEN MARRIAGE WITHOUT HIM AND IT MEANS SO LITTLE! the narrative gave him a family and a hint of a complex relationship with them and it barely mattered! his relationship with normal is its own can of worms. and to an extent, so is his what-could've-been with scary. but the thing that really irks me is that he's literally taylor's family.

we're just going to completely ignore the aspect of him that directly ties to one of the main families? we're just never going to give any closure to whatever relationship that jodie and scam and hermie could've had? the clusterfuck that is the close/foster/freeman/swift/likely family line is built upon relationships that never had the chance to be realized from the lack of emotional vulnerability and all the time they can't have back, and it's all so deeply ironic to me that i have to laugh or else i'll start to cry.

there's missed potential, and then there's everything that happened this season. there are so many loose threads to pull at with the kiddads especially, and it's one of the reasons that they're my favorite group of characters in the series! but at this point, it's piled up so much that it's beyond frustrating. i hate that sparrow said that he can't wildshape and be a lovewolf anymore, and that's never been addressed again. i hate that the flashback of the betrayal was so glossed over before the lot of them were shoved to the sidelines once again. i hate how telling it is that they had to have nicky awkwardly state that his arm was shot off with magic bullets and that's why he can't regenerate at some point because it was painfully clear the PCs were never going to question it.

I HATE THAT LARK AND SPARROW BARELY GOT ANY INTERACTION WITH DOOD.

and on all that is good in this world, if any of the kiddads die arbitrarily next episode, then i just might drop this series for good. i can't live in a world that treats such essential characters as disposable. it has been treating them almost like they're disposable for the longest time, but wiping even more of them from existence like that will really be my last straw.

i just feel. really empty about it all. i feel like the parts of this series that i love and care about and that i thought were supposed to be important have been stepped on and snuffed out. and i still want to stick around and explore the space this series created because there's so much that can be explored.

but in regards to the series proper? i can't care anymore. i really can't care anymore. there's almost nothing left for me to care about. i'm just waiting for it to end.

sigh. with the dungeons and daddy issues season finale on the horizon, i feel like i need to say something but i need y'all to not eviscerate me on the spot for it.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Teddy Bear Anon has purposed yet another interesting addition to the Immune AU which gives me plot ideas! In particular, a scene that would really help give past Dream a strong push into his character arc. 

I like to image that immune!Dream’s character arc starts with the death of immune!Puffy. Sure, maybe he’s not sad yet, but he feels something for the woman who declared herself his pseudo mother. It’s what helps to crack the shell enough for the rest of the immune gang to start weedling their way into his heart. Immune!Dream after spending enough time watching the group he, starts to realize that yeah, connections to other people isn’t a weakness. It really is a strength. It’s something that takes time for him to come to terms with because Techno seems like a testament to the fact connections are a weakness. He was unbeatable until his horse got kidnapped. His only connection, his only weakness. But then there’s Tommy who seems to represent the complete opposite. 

Where Dream represents strength from caring too little, Tommy represents strength from caring far too much. Now I’m a sucker for bamf Tommy, and I like to personally imagine that maybe the Immunes hold out for a year or two before they cave and try to make the portal. So Tommy has what really boils down to a two year training arc on top of already being a child veteran (I like to canonize SMP Earth as well because personal preference and it gives me even more room to make Tommy suffer. SMP Earth being canon? God, so much fucking trauma considering how the others treated him, a 15 year old child, like an adult.) Anyway Dream slowly realizes connections with one another are what kept the remaining Immunes alive, and he tries to force his younger self to understand that. Tries, but doesn’t really get far. Up until what everyone else calls The Fight.

Tommy’s always just kind of screwed around in fights as long as there’s only a threat to him. We know he has a tendency to throw if MCC is any indicator. But then they time travel and maybe they spend some time in the past trying to get the situation sorted and the past’s Dream maybe just kinda does something to Tubbo. Doesn’t even have to be big, it just needs to clock as a threat to Immune!Tommy who’s already lost his Tubbo and refuses to let his younger self go through that. So Tommy goes completely ape shit on the younger Dream. Sure, it’s only been two years for this Tommy. He’s probably, like, 18 or 19 at most. Still a child as far as a lot of people are concerned. He shouldn’t be stronger than Dream or Technoblade, and in the few cross group sparing sessions they’ve had he isn’t. He’s stronger than his younger self but no where near these two demi gods of combat. But then Dream suddenly registers as a threat to Tubbo in Immune!Tommy’s eyes and he makes the mistake of mocking Tommy while he’s at it. He knows that immune!Tommy lost his Tubbo and maybe the past Dream is lashing out slightly or trying to get some kind of foothold in Tommy’s psyche. He isn’t doing anything near what immune!Dream has done, but it’s enough to piss Tommy off. So immune!Tommy challenges Dream to a fight and Dream immediately realizes the mistake he’s made when Tommy starts to destroy him. 

Say even Techno’s there for some reason or another and he realizes what’s going down so he tries to calm Tommy down, joining the fight just as Dream is loosing it. The situation quickly turns into the first time Techno’s ever gotten his ass thoroughly kicked by Tommy, leaving everyone spectating baffled (Tommy’s younger self partly included). They’re certain this kid is going on some rampage and none of them can stop him but the moment Dream and Techno are both taken care of (wounded, not killed, the older Tommy is always careful about that. He even throws a splash healing on them with some indifferent kind of disgust that hides the fact he does still care to some extent even hurting as he is.) Tommy immediately just switches focus to outright doting on Tubbo, ignoring any muttered Clingyinnits in favor of ensuring Tubbo is fine. Tubbo is completely find and just as confused, but the point stands and neither Tommy ends up leaving Tubbo’s side for the rest of the day. The younger Tommy, after all, is the only one the older Tommy’s told the full story to regarding the future (even when he couldn’t trust his own family he was always able to trust himself with the secrets that mattered, so he prepares his younger self in case the worst comes to pass.)

The older Dream, immune!Dream, he doesn’t get involved. He sit on the side lines and just kinda laughs, the sound drowned out by Sapnap’s loud encouragements and Sam’s half hearted attempts to get Tommy to stop (he could have stopped Tommy immediately if he’d stepped in. Sam is after all the only person on earth Tommy listens to without hesitation, but Sam lets it happen and pretends he tried.) 

Immune!Dream just kinda smirks at his younger self later that night and mentions something about attachments really making you weak. After all, it’s not like the only time Tommy takes a battle seriously is when someone he cares about is in danger. It’s not like Tommy would turn the world into a seared ball for Tubbo, and Tubbo would do the same in return. It’s not like they’ve watched the people they care about temporarily rebuke the Crimson just to give the Immunes those precious extra seconds needed to survive in a fight. Attachments, they’re just a weakness.

The younger Dream doesn’t know how to respond to that. It’s the first time he thinks about his older self maybe being right.

Before I go I wanna leave you with two more ideas for the Immune AU

First up, Wilbur is eight years older than Tommy give or take. Wilbur had Fundy when he was around 16 and Tommy was around 8. Tommy was the best damn uncle he could be and for a while Tommy and Fundy were really stupidly close. They were both apart of the raised by Wilbur club and Wilbur was trying his damn best. Fundy aged/matured (physically and mentally) faster than a regular person for a while. They believed it was because he was a fox hybrid and Wilbur was ready to lose Fundy too soon. When Fundy was equivalent to 18 in human years though his aging process suddenly slowed to a crawl and his tail split into two, at which point the group realized he was actually a kitsune and it was just those first 8 years that passed by quickly (and Wilbur had a lot of questions for the now missing Sally who he’d thought was a salmon hybrid, genuinely, but became exceedingly less sure.) His family knows he’s a kitsune, but Fundy hid it from most of the rest of the server. A good thing considering later events. 

Fundy was part of the Immune group for a while and I like to imagine that he and Tommy had a falling out during the Pogtopia era but after the egg started to take over they started bonding again and acting like, well, family. Unfortunately when it came time for them to activate the portal, Fundy ended up getting separated from the group and getting caught. The eggpire didn’t actually know Fundy was fully immune or a kitsune so he just kinda pretended to get infected, using his illusions to make his fur look crimson. I personally like the idea that Fundy at some point managed to get back to the time machine and being a little code wizard manages to get the thing working and yeets himself in. He shows up a little late but after fixing his appearance manages to catch up with the rest of the group.

Fundy is underrated. Tommy being a good uncle is underrated. Sam would absolutely adopt the traumatized fox baby in Eret’s honor. What’s not to love?

The last concept I wanna bring up that I really like is hybrid Tommy. Tanuki would be good since it’s another reason for the Sam Nook bit. Maybe Sam specifically picked Sam Nook since Tom Nook was Tommy’s favorite character on the grounds he was the only representation Tommy had ever gotten and it made the kiddo happy. However, I also personally really like phoenix Tommy and it would make an interesting plot point. Tommy accidentally losing his third life at some point and realizing he’s an immortal creature of fire would have led to him taking a protector role for his new family. He can’t die, but he can burn anything around him, why not send him out to get supplies when the worst the eggpire could do would be capture him. Even then he just literally cannot hear the egg. Which could lead to both some interesting comedic moments and some really good angst if Sam agonizes over his desire to protect Tommy and let him be a child suddenly being at odds with the fact Tommy is literally the best person for the job so to speak. Not to mention Sapnap, who I headcanon as a Blaze hybrid, would be even more attached the moment he found a new fire proof friend to burn forests with him. Regardless of which hybrid type he is, I could see him hiding it from everyone except for Fundy when he was a child and only ever admitting it later to the other Immunes once they become a found family.

Personally I like the idea of Tommy being part tanuki hybrid and part phoenix hybrid, but is that too mary sue? Is it just a little bit too cheesy to have him be both? I will never not try to incorporate phoenix Tommy into my fics but also tanuki Tommy would be such a mood for this au.

Like image Tommy just builds a den that’s in reality a vault/panic room a la Techno and he hides it under Church Prime since that is The Safe Spot in Tommy’s mind.

~Snapdragon & Firefly

[sorcerersofnyc]

The Last Thing Left (Zemo x F!Reader) 9/9 - The Epilogue

If it wasn’t so painfully ironic (and hilarious to watch,) Helmut would find the relationship between Sam and James a little sad.

Ghosts weren’t enough to hold two people together.

While they wait for Torres to locate Donya Madani, Zemo brings Sam and Bucky to the home he once shared with you.

You reunite and he reflects upon his relationship with you (his wife’s friend and his friend’s wife) and your journey from being people with mutual friends to partners.

Part Nine: You Carry On

Angst, brief allusions to sex, I use Serbian Cyrillic as a stand-in for Sokovian.

Note: Main Character is neutral in most regards, but the story was written with my own cultural background in mind. (In other words, I won’t say what she looks like but I envision her as being black.)

First Chapter | Previous

***

You watch him go.

You watch him leave you once again— watch him go off into some dark, unknown future you can never be a part of.

And it hurts.

It hurts to know how much you’ll miss him, hurts to think you'll never see him again.

You take a deep breath (and another and another and another) but the pain only spreads faster as dread closes in all around you.

You feel lost in it, drowned by it, changed by it—but you won’t surrender to it. You’ve walked this road before and you know the way forward. So you take a step, then another, and you turn away from the outside world with a heavy, ragged breath.

The kitchen is far too cheery now. The sun streams inside through the open curtains, and the smell of coffee lingers in the air. Helmut washed the dishes before he left, leaving only his favorite mug behind. It stares at you from its place on the countertop, its dark ceramic gleaming in the light.

You don’t feel your knees buckle or your hands shake, you don’t feel the mangled sob rising up from your chest, you don’t feel the tears that gather at the corner of your eyes and pour down your cheeks like heavy rain.

Your body lurches forward. You reach out to steady yourself but somehow manage to knock the mug over instead. It strikes the title with a sickening clink that echoes through the air.

It chips, but it doesn't shatter. The coffee spills from the mouth and spreads fans out in every direction, staining the tiles on the floor.

Helmut would never know you chipped his favorite mug—but you cry about it anyway.

You cry for the life you could have had together, one where you dumped the stale remnants of his coffee every morning, one where your first kiss wasn’t also the last, one where he held you every day, and you healed your hearts together instead of apart.

You cried because your feelings had no place else to go.

*

Time passes.

*

Time passes.

*

Time passes.

*

You’re alright; you don’t break, or bend, or toil beneath the weight of your grief. The world moves forward, and so do you:

Anežka returns. (“How was the Baron?” She asks you. “We’re the two of you able to… become familiar with one another?” You wish.)

You learn Helmut was taken to the raft. (You order his affairs and have his things sent over to him.)

Sam Wilson becomes Captain America. (He gives a speech that inspires the world to do better.)

The Flag Smashers are killed in a car bombing. (‘No suspects as of yet,’ the report says and your heart tightens at the thought of who might have been responsible.)

You carry on.

*

You receive a package in the mail one day, a thick brochure from The Raft outlining the specifics of a Prison Work Rehabilitation Program.

The front photo was disturbingly picturesque, framing the facility as less of a prison and more like a seaside resort.

'Propaganda,’ you think as you flip through the glossy pages. The program is endorsed by some guy named Thaddeus Ross. You think he was a general or a secretary or something but you aren’t quite sure.

The back of the brochure displays an image of a happy family reuniting and you roll your eyes. Prisoners on the Raft don’t get to go home to their families.

You toss the brochure away without a second thought.

*

A few weeks later, you’re sent flowers after an art show. It’s a beautiful arrangement; twelve thick-stemmed roses wrapped in gold foil.

It adds a classic touch to the modern look of the Visiting Artists’ Office, standing out amongst the dark tables and chairs. But it’s the card that catches your attention; it was left completely blank.

You aren’t sure how you feel about having a secret admirer but you take the flowers home regardless. They’d look nice in a vase near the window, the bright reds mixing with the autumn leaves.

The trip home is short and uneventful and you thank your driver on the way to the door.

You slide your house slippers on and are surprised to see Anežka’s pink one’s by the door as well. You can hear her in the kitchen, opening and closing the doors of the pantry as the air grows warm with the spices of her favorite tea.

“Anežka,” You call out, “I’m home!”

You set the flowers on a side table, barely conscious of the soft footsteps trailing in from the kitchen till Anežka sets her mug down on the coffee table.

“Look what I’ve got. A 'secret admirer’ sent them. Should we put them here or downstairs?” You take an artful picture of the arrangement.

“Neither is a wholly appropriate place.”

You freeze.

Your mind draws blank as it fails to process the words you heard someone other than Anežka speak.

You turn around quickly, knocking the flowers off the table as you do.

“Helmut?” Your voice lowers as a million feelings bubble up inside of you. They threaten to explode.

Helmut is there—right there—dressed in nothing but a bathrobe and his house slippers with a cat-like smile stretched across his handsome features.

He strides forward with confidence, stopping so close you nearly reel back.

“These are special flowers, драга, brought all the way from Ecuador.” He kneels before you, the hem of his robe splitting at the knee to offer a very seductive glimpse of his thigh.

He reaches around you, grabs the fallen bouquet, and sets them gingerly on the table as he stands. “We should place these in your bedroom so you may admire them every night.”

“What’s happening?” You finally manage to ask him, “what’s going on?”

“I’m home,” Helmut teases, speaking as though you failed to notice his soft brown eyes, his damp hair, or the heat that surges between you as he stands close enough to touch, to kiss if you wanted.

He brushes a hand against your cheek.

“Helmut,” you whisper again, but your voice is stern and more controlled this time. “How are you here? You’re supposed to be in Raft.” Despite your words, you lean a little closer, resting both hands against his chest, near the opening of his robe.

“It seems someone of great influence decided my sentence was better served outside the walls of the prison.”

“Like civil service?” You ask, but then you remember the brochure you received in the mail— the propaganda, or so you believed. “Or… Prison Work Rehabilitation?”

“Something like that. There’s a team,” he makes a flippant gesture with his hand before bringing it to rest on the curve of your hip. “Though I needed time to address the matter of my… financial limitations.”

“Limitations?”

“Of course.” He pulls you closer, encircling you in his arms. “The holder of my assets is quite a formidable woman. I thought it best to pay her a visit, to request access to the full extent of my resources. As stubborn as she is, I assume it will take a great many visits.”

“That would be wise,” You nod slowly, a wide smile coming to your face.

“I can’t be with you always, драга,” he tells you, “but I will be here.”

And you don’t quite remember what you promise in reply (or if you promised anything at all) because he kisses you.

Your fingers slide down his chest, brushing past his chest hair and the little charm he wears around his neck.

You don’t know how long you stay there, kissing, and sighing, and melting in the arms of the man you love, but you’re vaguely aware of being walked back against the wall, of the front door opening and closing at some point, and of Anežka pausing by the threshold, groceries in hand.

“Anežka,” He greets her, but his dark and hungry gaze lingers on you, only you.

“Hello, Baron… It’s good to see you.” Her voice waivers, but the sentiment is real. “M-Miss,” she nods in your direction.

“Hi, Anežka.” You’re not quite sure what to say.

“Why don’t you take a few days off?” Helmut suggests, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll take care of things here.”

“O-of course, Baron—Thank you.” Anežka glances between you one more time before setting the bags down near the door. “Good luck, Miss!” She calls out before leaving.

And as her footsteps grow quiet and hush in the distance, his eyes meet yours and his kiss finds its home upon your lips.

(And later when Helmut comes undone beneath your gaze and the rocking of your hips against his, you bring him home once again.)

And he keeps coming home to you.

***

And so we've reached the end. Thanks so much for reading! I appreciate all the support. This was my first fanfic in many years and I'm glad I could bring it to a close.

The end is a bit of wishful thinking on my part but I wanted to end on a happy note.

I'll probably write one or two bonuschapter that's basically just smut. So if you're 18+ and would like to remain on the taglist (or be added,) just let me know!

Taglist:

@actuallyanita, @fillechatoyante, @viviace, @buckyandlokicanhaveme, @sapphiredreamer26, @robur-bellicum, @apparrio

Previous

[pilfered-words]

Say more about this Baoshan Sanren conspiracy theory? :0

I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

So, the thing about Baoshan Sanren is that she's a mythological, fairy-tale figure. She's surrounded by rumor and legend and the one time she comes in contact with the main plot, it turns out to be completely made up. And we know what MDZS as a book (and CQL as a series) thinks of the reliability of rumor.

Maybe she existed once upon a time (in CQL, she basically must have, Lan Yi is probably not lying), but died a long time ago. Maybe she was made up from the beginning. We don't know much about her origins, even in the series, and nothing at all in the book. Neither do we know much about the first student of hers said to have left the mountain.

Then there's Cangse Sanren. She was WWX's mother, and she is said to have had a personality like his. Imagine for a second someone like that, who was largely self-taught, picking up cultivation a couple lessons at a time from anyone willing to teach her, coming into contact with the elite sects, their rules and their snobbery.

"Cloud Recesses holds lectures," a fellow rogue cultivator tells her. "Not for the likes of us, of course, you have to belong to a sect or at least have a famous teacher." And just like that, Cangse Sanren has an Idea.

She leans in closely to her acquaintance, and murmurs in a confiding tone, "I didn't want to mention it, my teacher does not want us dropping her name all over the place if we leave, but as it happens, I do have a teacher who is rather well known. She lives apart from the world, not wanting people to bother her, but do you think the Lan sect will let me in if I tell them that my teacher... is Baoshan Sanren?"

She drops the same question into a few other strategically chosen ears, and after that, she barely even needs to assert it: everyone already knows. All she needs to do is discourage anyone who tries to find out more or catch her out or ask her for favors. "Oh, no, I'm afraid I cannot ask Master Baoshan that, I can't ask her anything. You see, Master Baoshan does not like it when we leave the mountain. She says that if we are stupid enough to leave, we must never return."

Then she dies, and not even her son knows that the famous story is a lie.

(...this is getting long.)

Xiao Xingchen is somewhat more difficult. He does have a streak of mischief in him, but not this kind of mischief. I rather think he was actually raised by a recluse on a mountain. She just wasn't Baoshan Sanren. Or immortal. It's even possible that she wasn't a cultivator, and he picked up cultivation elsewhere.

Perhaps they quarreled and she forbade him to call himself her student; perhaps she had a bad reputation and forbade it for that reason. Something surely must have happened for XXC not to honor her publicly as his teacher. Because here's what I think happened:

I think XXC came down the mountain and fought some monsters, and when he was asked where he was from, he said that it was a mountain refuge, and that he asked that they not inquire further.

"What, like Baoshan Sanren?" someone asked, remembering the stories of CSSR.

"Something like that," XXC answered, laughing a little at the comparison.

And that was all rumor needed. The next thing XXC knew was that he was getting letters addressing him as "the illustrious student of Baoshan Sanren."

"What do I do?" he complained to Song Lan.

Song Lan shrugged. "Don't correct them. The elite sects hate being wrong. And it could be useful. It's not like Baoshan Sanren will bother coming off her mountain to catch you out. You don't have to actually claim it, just don't deny it when someone says it."

XXC gets used to the thought remarkably quickly. He feels guilty about it, but it doesn't actually come up all that often, and what's the harm, really. Unlike CSSR, he never accepts anything that is offered him only because of his supposed pedigree, and this soothes his guilt.

Then Xue Yang kills everyone in Song Lan's temple and blinds Song Lan. XXC takes him to a doctor they know. She says it's impossible to save SL's sight, but something about her hesitation makes XXC press.

She says that the only thing she can think of would need someone else's eyes to be damaged, and that is the kind of surgery that would ruin her reputation. "People are uncomfortable with someone who might harm them to heal someone else. I know my neighbors. They would admire my skill, but they would not trust me ever again. I am no famed immortal who can do miracles and live apart. I need to live with them."

"Then we will say that Baoshan Sanren did it," says XXC, and after some persuasion, the doctor agrees.

There are definitely some flaws in this theory. In the series, XXC says his teacher was Baoshan Sanren when he talks to WWX and the rest of them, even when WWX asks about his mother. I think he panicked. I think he saw members of the most elite sects out there, and just went with the story. He might have taken it back when WWX started asking about his mom, but there is no way he could have known her, even if the story was true, so he is able to extricate himself without more lies. And he does feel a connection to her, by now, this woman who might have been his shijie, who at least shared the experience of being raised on a mountain and coming down into a world that is richer and dirtier and happier and more miserable than they could have imagined. (She did not, in fact, share this experience, but he doesn't know that.)

In the book, he never actually says he is Baoshan Sanren's student in so many words. We hear it from LWJ, but he only knows it from rumors. What we do get is a story that he tells in Yi City, about an immortal who lives on a mountain and forbids her students to leave, and her students who have left anyway. The descriptions of Yanling Daoren and Cangse Sanren are unmistakable. But A-Qing cuts him off after CSSR, and we don't know what, if anything, he would have said about himself.

When I first thought of this theory, @irrealisms objected that this story is followed by XY's story about Chang Cian, and that it's thematically correct for XXC's story to also be very personal for him. That's... not false, but I think that it has become personal for him. Most of what he says is about Yanling Daoren and Cangse Sanren, who he did not know regardless. I have already said I think he feels a connection to them, and I think their story is almost as personal to him as if he really was their shidi. (XY, of course, believes XXC definitely is Baoshan Sanren's student, to the extent he thinks anything about it at all.)

So there it is. It's definitely not the intended reading, but there's something remarkably compelling about it to me anyway. (It's about the narrative parallels.) So: conspiracy theory.

[chibifuyuu]

Levi vs. Zeke & Why Isayama Focused on that Conflict Analysis

Wanted to talk about "The Promise" (aka Levi's vow to take down Zeke) because a) I see it critiqued a lot as a narrative choice for Levi post-time skip, b) I don't think it's well understood as a narrative choice or even what it means in canon by the fandom, and c) I haven't seen people analyze it and thought why not me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So why did Isayama have Levi focus so much on the promise, and by extension Zeke, post-time skip?

1. Levi and Zeke are set up as narrative foils

This is established super early and is pretty evident even before we know much of anything about Zeke. In his introduction in the "Captain Levi" side chapter, Levi's character basics are quickly established, and one of the very first things we learn about him is how much he values the lives of his comrades and wants to make their sacrifices/deaths meaningful, regardless of any personal connection he has or doesn't have with them. We also see Levi very concerned about the Trost citizens starving in the Uprising arc, which leads Dimo Reeves to say in a pretty on-the-nose dialogue that Levi is "awkward yet kind" and trying to save Trost even though he "doesn't really have to".

By contrast, something hammered home to us very quickly is that Zeke is relatively indifferent to lives lost in his quest to achieve his goal, the euthanasia plan. That isn't to say that he's completely devoid of empathy so much as he views the lives lost as inconsequential or necessary and doesn't dwell on them because he doesn't even really understand the value of life- "I saved them, the lives of those children from this cruel world" is what he says to Levi about turning his squad into titans. There's also moments like when Colt begs Zeke to hold off on screaming so that Falco could be spared, Zeke acknowledges that pain, understands it, and then screams anyway.

We get a panel post-time skip to quickly establish that contrast right away:

This indifference is actually what drives a lot of conflict between Levi and Zeke- Levi makes it clear he doesn't trust Zeke partially because as he says to him, even if he is unsure if Zeke wants to help Paradis, he can tell that Zeke doesn't really care about Ragnako village (and keeps bringing it up because he can tell "[Zeke] doesn't have a speck of guilt... those people's lives meant nothing to [Zeke]"), that he doesn't respond to the idea that his grandparents may die, etc. Levi also responds violently to the idea that Zeke "saved" his squad by killing them. The euthanasia plan is something that is so opposed to Levi's values that these two were always going to be in conflict- it's almost like Zeke's goal is the exact opposite of what Levi fights for.

This is kind of important for the overall themes and story for a couple reasons like:

Zeke's character arc is partially developing an appreciation for life's purpose beyond procreating and the small moments of connection and joy that make up the human experience, as evident by his conversation with Armin and actions in 137; the contrast and callouts by Levi help establish early on this inability to appreciate the inherent value of life before we even know Zeke's end goal

Indifference towards loss of life as long as it fits your personal goals is kinda contrary to what the story wants to tell you via the Rumbling and protecting lives that have no value to you is treated as a narratively good thing

There's also the fact that both of them have parental/fraternal relationships with Eren. They're both protective of Eren and give him advice; Eren also in turn has sought their knowledge as they are more experienced than him in certain areas (Levi as the Survey Corps vet, Zeke as the one most knowledgeable about titan/Ackerman history), so it's a mentorship relationship, too. Eren also takes their advice and knowledge in ways that I'm pretty sure neither intended (like I doubt Levi was thrilled that him encouraging Eren to make his own decisions turned out this way...)

There's also a contrast there- Levi calls Eren a "monster" who won't let anyone stop him from doing what he wants to do early into their relationship (correctly identifying who Eren is at his core) whereas Zeke sees Eren as a victim that Zeke needs to save for a really long time (which is how Zeke ends up so easily manipulated by Eren despite being so intelligent).

2. Levi / Zeke parallel Mikasa / Eren

While the relationships are very different, Levi/Zeke and Mikasa/Eren actually do parallel each other- there's a kind of Ackerman vs. Yaeger contrast set up. Despite the different relationships, they both end very similarly: Mikasa and Levi behead Eren and Zeke respectively in something of a partially wanted mercy kill that is necessary to better the world (stop the Rumbling, end the titan curse). There are even more parallels there, like how both Ackermans experience a moment of understanding of the respective Yeager before killing them, how both of them had recently had a moment where they were thinking- for different reasons- that they couldn't kill the Yeager brother and then ended up doing so, etc., but the point is the moments appear back-to-back (137 and 138) and are treated as pretty narratively similar.

There's a lot of reasons we could speculate as to why Isayama did this- I don't think it's an Ackermans are amazing, Yeagers suck message for the record- one of them could be as simple as illustrating the similarities of the Ackermans vs. Yeagers by generation 

Or it could even be because Mikasa as a character reflects Levi in many ways and her character arc is partially illustrated by her evolving opinion of Levi. She begins as someone with no appreciation for authority and prioritizing her own people/interests (usually Eren) over the greater good/mission, which is illustrated by her respect, or lack thereof, of Levi. She lashes out at him, ignores his orders and then gets saved by Levi in the Female Titan arc, then in Uprising she doesn't want to at first and can't help but be snarky about it but she shows how she's able to see a bigger picture and respect Levi's leadership by defending it to Jean, Connie, and Sasha and allowing Levi to gamble Eren to make his deal with Reeves, and by the time of the Rumbling, when Levi tells her they can't be concerned about Eren's safety, she doesn't lash out and while upset, doesn't even argue.

It's not really a surprise that Mikasa is the one shown comforting/checking in on Levi right after he kills Zeke and Levi is the one spurring Mikasa on, saying "there the only ones left who can kill Eren" before she finds her resolve to do so (and also literally clears the way via thunderspear so Mikasa can kill Eren).

3. Levi's narrative purpose- or what even is the point of Levi post-explosion?

I've seen like ten thousand posts or comments saying something to the extent of "Levi should've died in the explosion, he has no point afterwards". I completely disagree, but beyond how dumb of a death that'd be for a character that's the most featured (most "screen time"/panel time) after EMA pre-time skip and EMA+Reiner post-time skip and story contributions that Levi brings (like leadership and direction for the Alliance with Hange dead after Armin is taken), Levi as a character embodies certain important themes/narrative messages for the story. Several of them are illustrated through his conflict with and contrast to Zeke.

His desire to protect people and preserve life even if they are strangers, or even in conflict with him, is highlighted through his juxtaposition to Zeke as discussed above

"Your deaths had meaning, at last I can prove it."

The big thing about the promise is that Levi wants to make the deaths, all of the sacrifices (Erwin but also all of the recruits that charged to their deaths), mean something. All of them sacrificed themselves to give Levi the chance to take down Zeke and Levi is tortured with guilt that he didn't finish the job because he views it as making their sacrifices meaningless. The promise serves to remind the reader that Levi cares so much about giving meaning to the fallen Survey Corps members' lives.

In his intro, Levi says to the Survey Corps rando that his death isn't worthless and it's not the end of his contributions to humanity because Levi will take up his resolve, that his death will inspire Levi, and Levi promises to end the titan threat with that resolve. One could argue that the promise is to remind us why Levi does what he does, what's driving him, the pressure of living with the need to make every sacrifice worth it- and in turn how Levi views/viewed ending the titan threat, a "world without titans", as the ultimate way to prove the sacrifices of the Survey Corps had meaning and his fallen comrades' lives weren't wasted. That's important because of Levi's ending, after the titans leave the world partially because of his efforts and him having seen through that mission until the end and getting a sendoff to the fallen Survey Corps members.

His focus on the next generation

A big theme of AoT is about protecting the next generation, and all of the OG Survey Corps believed this- we see many vets die to ensure recruits survive- but we see it articulated through Levi a lot. He seems to have a soft spot for children in general (getting concerned over the starving mother and baby in Trost, supporting Historia's orphanage plan, saving Ramzi after he pickpockets him, etc.), but he is also shown thinking about "getting the brats to the sea" as the purpose of the OG Survey Corps in 136, aka serving the dreams of the future/next generation- that's part of an internal monologue that begins with Levi focusing on Zeke and the promise.

The euthanasia plan is sharply at odds with Levi's "get the brats to the sea"/next gen protection mentality given it prevents a next generation of Elidians.

The contrast of Falbi and Zeke vs. Falbi and Levi. Zeke callously calls Falbi "miscalculations" in front of them- and Levi- not long after Levi meets Falbi for the first time, Levi spends the end of the Rumbling arc with Falbi after they arrive and they're the only two with him when Zeke calls out to Levi to end his life, Levi and Zeke actually discuss Falbi in the forest, etc. There's a weird sort of arc here since Falbi admired Zeke and felt betrayed by him (and he was indifferent to them when he screamed and knowingly turned Falco into a titan, killing Colt in the process, while Gabi desperately screams for Falco) while Falbi see Levi for the first time in the terrifying staged takedown of the Beast Titan and then end up spending more time in the end of the Rumbling arc fight with Levi than anyone else and Levi's last panel has him depicted as being with them, kind of like a reversal.

[vintagesoda]

Why Larry Isn’t Out Yet - Fan Theories in A Masterpost  (ALL THEORY - NO FACT)

DISCLAIMER - This is all theory and none of it is fact. Tone insinuating fact if for grammatical and point purposes only. I am in no way affiliated with anyone mentioned in this post. 

THIS IS IN NO WAY SAYING LARRY IS REAL. LARRY STYLINSON IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY AMONGST ONE DIRECTION FANS AND NOT FACT. THIS POST IS JUST COMPILING REASONS FANS THINK LARRY ARE NOT PUBLIC IF THEY ARE TOGETHER.

Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors too.

-

Larry Stylinson (the speculated relationship between performers Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson) has been a fan theory for over a decade now. Thousands of One Direction fans believe the pair are, or at least have been, in a relationship. There are an array of posts and videos with ‘proof’ the pair are together but as of March 2021 there has never been any conformation. Louis Tomlinson is with his long-term partner , Eleanor Calder and Harry Styles is reportedly dating director and actress, Olivia Wilde.

‘If Larry is real why haven’t they come out yet?’

Closeting...

Assuming Larry is real, neither Harry or Louis are out. Harry stated in 2017 that he has never felt the need to label to state his sexuality whereas Tomlinson, as far as we know, is straight. Before the relationship could become public, both parties would have to be open about their sexuality to a certain extent, otherwise Louis sexuality would also be questions during the relationship becoming public. It would lead to fan confusion and many questioned being posed on the both of them, which is expected something that they would probably want to avoid. 

Fans believe that One Direction’s management company - Modest! , closeted the pair when they first began their relationship, so that they could market the whole boy-band as available heart throbs who had appeal to their young fans. Having two members dating would not only damage the image given to the band and the boys themselves, but also draw attention to the pair at all times instead of the band as a whole, and would cause issues if the pair were to break up. 

If the pair were to come out, one of the main questions would be ‘when did the relationship begin?’ Assuming the pair  began dating while in the  band, they would either have to lie, or be truthful and explain every relationship they had while in the band and the ingenuity of them all. Harry and Taylor, Louis and Eleanor etc. Management would have to explain all of it, which could lead to questions to if Larry is even real or if its a PR stunt. 

Then there is the issue of beard relationships. A beard relationship is the relationship between two people where one, if not both are them, are not the sexuality they are fronting. A widely speculated beard relationship is Eleanor and Louis. Many people believe that Eleanor is a beard employed by Modest! for Louis and that they aren’t really childhood sweethearts. Little information about Eleanor is public, wit no traces of life before dating Louis and really nothing to go by, fans think that Eleanor being a beard is completely believable.

Again, if Larry were ever public, questions would be asked about Louis and Eleanor’s relationship and what it really was if nothing more than a contractual thing.

Privacy...

Being a mainstream celebrity, privacy is a right you give up the second you step into the spotlight. Fans of the pair can be respectful, while others over-sexual and invade their personal lives. The aspect of privacy the two may already have would be lost if they were to come out, every move they make  being over analysed and not being able to leave the house together without being bombarded. All of this already happens now, while they are not officially dating , so the scale that it is already at would dramatically increase if they were to come out which is something they may not want to face, hence the lack of knowledge publicly surrounding their relationship.

Management... 

Another fan theory is that the reason Larry are not out yet is due to management. During the early years of One Direction, Louis and Harry always seemed to be closer to each-other than any other of their band mates, and fans picked up on this quickly. Due to this, people believe that management forced some form of agreement between the pair and separated them in public. Another theory is that Louis gave up his freedom so Harry could be true to himself, as many people noticed a change in Louis after a particular date. Again this is all speculation and should be taken as such.

Liars...

Next we face the issue that some fans may feel morally betrayed by - the fact they were being lied to. What people need to consider is that everyone is entitled to privacy, regardless of how famous they are. People have a right  to decide how much of their lives they keep to themselves and how much they display to the public. Some fans have publicly stated they would no longer support Louis or Harry if they were to come out, which is their choice.

Celebrities become a huge part of peoples lives and its natural to feel betrayed by someone who lied to you over certain things. However their personal lives  should not be one.I put emphasis on this because they are people. Normal people who leads not so normal lives. Through no fault of their own, their privacy gets disrespected daily. If they were ever to come out, great. Don’t say ‘finally!’ - be supportive. If they never come out and aren’t together, respect that too, its their lives. Not ours 

The Industry as a Whole...

Closeting is a common thing in the musical and acting industry. Men are sold as sex symbols who want to attract as large of a female demographic as possible, whereas women are sold as gorgeous and model like figures that little girls should aspire to be and women should be jealous of.

Larry Stylinson coming out would be huge. Multiple news articles, days of press and maybe even a few news stories. This would cause a ripple effect. Other Couples would be put under a microscope, analysed and questioned about their relationship and sexuality. 

The perfect Hollywood ideal for a figurehead amongst the stars is fit, attractive, straight or an LGBT icon they can market and profit off at every opportunity possible.

To put things simply - the industry would go crazy. 

Glass Closet...

Some fans like to refer to Harry being in a ‘glass closet’ in regards to his sexuality. Meaning that even though he is able to express himself in a socially deemed feminine way and go as unlabeled, he is still not able to truly be himself. Louis, on the other hand, is still completely in the closet, unable to be who he truly is at all. 

The glass closet means that while he is still in the closet, people can see the real him in some aspects. People believe he is in a glass closet due to management or contractual silencing, however it may just be to privacy if it is true. 

In Conclusion...

While Larry may be real, they are yet to be out. We may never know the truth behind the conspiracy of Larry Stylinson but we may know the reasons at to why we will never know. If they want us to know, one day we may find out.

Please do not send hate to anyone mentioned in this post and remember to take everything as speculation and not fact. These are real people who can make their own decisions and who will tell us what they want, when they feel comfortable. Do not try to force information out of them through boundary breaking or harassment and respect their privacy.

Lastly remember to always treat people with kindness <3

May :D 

[atendersun-archived]

Who are some of Muu's closest friends? And does he mind to be friends with kids, old people? Neither gender is not an issue for friendships?

For simplicity reasons, I'm breaking this down into different points:

Muu's main goal in life is to experience having friendships (and even romantic relationships as well) that are built on a strong foundation between both parties it includes. Although he may be the type of person that needs to be explained the same thing over, and over again until it reaches a point in which it is more frustrating than anything else, he is not so dense that he is oblivious to the fact that he isn't exactly ideal friendship material. He's not really great at making other people around him aware of the fact that he deeply cares about them, since he seems too interested in talking about himself than hearing about anyone else, his interests are not incredibly age appropriate or all that interesting, s, and he is far more sensitive than what is probably necessary for a twenty four year old man. With all of that being said, however, he is so self aware of the downfall of his differences that he wants more than anything to give everyone a chance at being his friend as a way of bettering his odds of finding people that will actually have the patience and willingness to keep him around.

With that being said, anyone and everyone is indiscriminately treated by him as someone he is eager to get to know and get to like him. Age, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status, etc. None of it particularly matters to him just as long as he either receives kindness from them to some extent, or he THINKS he can earn said kindness by pleasing them in some way. This has understandably led to a lot of toxic friendships in which the other party has made it clear they want nothing to do with him, or they make it abundantly clear that they are only utilizing him for some sort of manipulative gain, and yet he knows there is still some chances that he might repeat those behaviors. Something he's learned from spending too much of his free time on Tiktok, though, is that the anxiousness that presents itself with attempting to receive something other than neglect or abuse from someone that will never give any proper praise is addicting to the brain. That it begins to feed off of the fear and uncertainty in those moments so frequently that it begins to crave it. In a way, he knows that is why he tends to find himself placing himself into purposefully dangerous situations, or back into the company of people he knows won't truly respect him as a person. It is because not only does he subconsciously feel that negative attention such as that might be the only thing he truly deserves to have instead of selfishly asking for unconditional love instead, but also because he thrives off of the abuse in some way. Lately though, however, he really has made nothing but really wonderful friendships with people that have made it very clear that they genuinely enjoy his company, and want what is best for him, so it has really been a challenge in rewiring his brain to expect that condition of living instead of slipping into a state of survival mode that can make or break how he is treated that day.

In the past, Muu would have definitely stated that he preferred male friendships on the basis of having someone he could turn to for protection and security as someone that wasn't particularly very strong physically and emotionally. As time shifted to places in which that security and protection was not offered to him, or was overstepped completely when placed into very dangerous circumstances involving himself and another man, Muu found himself gravitating more towards women. To him, they are safer company. They tend to respond to his emotional needs in a way that is more caring instead of belittling him, or responding aggressively. Also, even though a lot of his friendships with women typically cross a line into something more than friends with the addition of sexual intimacy, he has not felt an underlying sense of predatory behavior like he has with some of the men he claimed to be his friends in the past.

Trigger warning for the information ahead. Basically, the most condensed version of the answer to male vs female friends that I can offer to old & new muns alike is: Muu doesn't have the same experience of being able to state that he's been consistently emotionally, verbally, physically, and even sexually abused by female friends as he can with the men he admired to the point he blindly trusted them through some really difficult times, so, therefore, he just generally feels safer around women more than men. He's really trying to work through that though, and bring himself to a point in which he can really let go of all of that in favor of having the strong male friendships he always wished to have growing up.

I am basically just rattling off names at this point. I am sure I can locate more as well, but it is getting late here so who I am able to think of at this hour is under the cut:

Adrian and Gael of @romantxcxsm quickly come to mind because both have, right from the gate, been nothing but genuinely very kind to him. Muu assumed to really only consider Gael as a threat in the sense of having to fight him as an act of making himself the most dominant person the room from taking down the biggest guy he saw, but he never anticipated him and Adrian actually being the most emotionally intuitive people he's ever met. Muu could probably listen to Adrian just chatter on about being this seemingly extroverted person who takes people in on a whim without a second guess for hours. Same as he could just stare at Gael in knowing that even though they only seem like a tall, quiet to the point of almost being mysterious, they actually very sweet and sensitive underneath that exterior.

Hannah @kannojo. aka his wife at this point. This woman right here is his absolute ride or die. She's put up with his ass since they were just teenagers that got into petty fights that he always started. At any point, she could have easily beat his him to a pulp, but she didn't. Instead, she fell for him against all the odds. For her to hold out for him to stop talking about men that struggled to even provide him the bare minimum in a relationship is astonishing. Out of everyone he's essentially knew since he was sixteen up until now, she has been the person he could always go to no matter what. When day after day he faced an absurd amount of ridicule from people in his social circle that berated him and beat him over him being himself, and for wanting to be their friend regardless of it all, it was Hannah he could go to when he needed some to cry to. Her love has carried over from the time he was an annoying young man that was only obsessed with boys and himself, over to when he was so down and depressed that he believed he had no worth as a person based on how others were treating him, and it still exists today as a very queer man just trying to work through an asinine amount of trauma. that's his lady right here ♡ fucking hetereos

Neff @cosmicstardreamer This lady is too all knowing that it baffles him how quickly she can figure things out about him before he can even say it himself. Never would he have guessed for them to become so connected so quickly that he can basically safely tell her anything. Aside from Hannah, who was always just an arm's length away from him telling her everything as it was happening, Neff is still the only one of a few people that know the existence of the assaults he has endured, even if she may not know the specifics of them. While he can not explain it in words, there is at least a particular feeling that he experiences in her company that he feels very rarely in the company of other people. And, to him, that feeling is of completely safety. While she might be off the hook of having to hear him go on about his ex every five minutes, she is unfortunately not out of bounds of having to hear him chatter on about how Tiktok has made him want to learn how to read tarot cards.

Hisao @angstiism. He can't quite put his finger on it, but there is something about the anxiousness that has kept him drawn to him throughout the entirety of them knowing each other. There has been a shift in their relationship as friends, though, as in the past Muu actually looked to the younger male as if the roles were reversed. Almost as though he was seeking safety in them as he saw Hisao as someone very mature and more understanding of things than maybe he felt his other friends were. Nowadays, though, he just keeps trying to make sure Hisao knows that he is the one being taken care of now. Hisao was also someone present in his life when shit was DARK so he has that to navigate as an adult male trying to move beyond a lot of it. Trigger warning again: Though he might have no intention of actually verbally acknowledging it at where they stand as mature adults, having that one friend to show and discuss the children's books on the topic of sexual abuse during a time when he was so very concerned with / very much so craving validation on whether or not being molested in his late, late teens was his fault. It is a memory he holds very dear to himself within the confines of his own heart.

Pchan @nvrcmplt. This right here is his alien. Muu has always found him to be interesting on behalf of the fact that he was sure he had never met an alien before he met this one. Surprisingly, he has never really taken too much of an interest in finding out more about the exact species and abilities the extraterrestrial as up until maybe recently. He's kind of vaguely known them to have something to do with sex as he's been aware of the kinds of friendships and interactions the other has, but since he himself has very conflicting opinions on sex he really never opts to dive deep into learning more about how something unhuman experiences coitus. Now that their friendship has moved well beyond teenager / young man and his alien buddy to an adult man finally taking the time to actually get to know his friend in ways that don't feel as though they underlyingly childish, he feels almost like a whole new sensation when in the company of the alien. He would describe it as wonder mixed in with comfort. As in he is more apt to actually effectively comprehend experiences the alien has had that make up their personality as being something other than "that's my alien friend. he has lots of sex and is nice to me". Also, Muu has no apologizes for trying to beat up Sergio on Pchan's behalf, even if he didn't actually know the circumstances behind the man informing him that he'd hurt his friend to begin with. He'd gladly attempt to bite that bastard again if given the opportunity.

THERE'S SO MANY AAAAAAAAAAA

Yukio and Kuen of @silvxcs even if he thinks they are buttholes sometimes. Kuen with his inability to communicate effectively and always falling asleep while he is talking to him lol. And Yukio for somehow flipping the script on him and becoming more like a caretaker than he ever anticipated. Also because he specifically paid this man to tell Akatsuki to tell him that he's proud of him while possibly holding him for a moment. He had not paid the other male to rat him out and inform Akatsuki of his concerns about the older male being mad at him. Muu still thinks he is stinky for that.

There is Sully @tximidity and Alex @dis--parity. One he may have known for a long, long time to the point of recalling who they were prior to transitioning, while the other is a new face for him, but he both loves them very dearly. Mainly because both Sully and Alex are soft individuals that have been put through the wringer, and therefore he can talk to them about difficult conversations that he would be concerned going to anyone else about. Alex, for example, is someone he can go to and either talk or listen to gender related issues without any concerns. Sully, on the other hand, he finds interesting in the sense of they are this enigma of manhood like himself even if it is in different ways. Also, Sully is basically required to be his friend at this point because he won't let someone who witnessed him cry about skin cells get away so easily.

he love the muppet @goneborne, shinya is his snuggle buddy and he is not taking no for an answer @floriogrxphy, nich @bclasaeg is a meanie that has a crush on him but wont let him see his boy boobs the same way muu flashed his without any concern. god he really values so many of his friendships with people that i can't fit them all here even though i want to so bad

basically everyone that works at Komachi @welivetoserve is unfortunately trapped into being friends with him, but he has his blatant favorites. In the event he is ever in a life threatening situation where he is only given one phone call to make, he has already decided on Ayumu. That one is very nice, so he likes that one. We all know who the absolute favorite within any association to the club is because he never shuts the fuck up about him, but that sucks on account that I would rather mention how Muu will never not get a kick out of being a tiny bit mean to Mamoru as a means of establishing dominance over the man that could very well just ban him at any moment.