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prodagustd · 2 months ago

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the road not taken 05 | myg

part five: new year's eve

Summary: The timer is counting down and it's finally time to confront Yoongi.

<part four

—pairing: lawyer!yoongi x actress!oc

—rating: +18

—genre: brother's best friend, one sided pinning (or both?)

—warnings/tags: slow burn, angst, FLUFF ❤️‍🩹, eventual smut, sexual tension!!!!! flashbacks, mentions of sex 👀Btw english is not my first language!

—words: 12.2k

—a/note: hi friends!!! i know i said i was going to go crazy with the word count but i had to divide the chapter because this part was going to have 25k words otherwise?? anyway!!! i went through ten different mental breakdows while writing this, i doubted myself like fifty times, but i enjoyed writing it sososo much, i hope you enjoy reading it as well!! like always, you are invited to discuss this part in the asks, feedback is always welcomed 🤠.

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Four years ago.

New Year’s eve.

You had lost count of the amount of times Minnie rolled her eyes, groaned or threw her hands in the air in the last two hours, but you were sure it was the same amount of times that you closed your eyes and sighed, trying to remain calm. She was sitting at the desk of your room, finishing her make-up for the New Year’s party as she listened to you list every detail of the last time you saw Yoongi, two days ago.

Minnie, not minding being hyperbolic, openly expressed that she thought that “Yoongi was a psychopath” for inviting to watch When Harry Met Sally, a movie whose main premise were two friends who are in love with each other but do not realize it. Then she proceeded to call him similar things, like he was crazy for grabbing your hand on the way home and borderline insane for not kissing you when he left you at the door of your home. You tried to agree with her, but you were too busy trying to keep your food down, fearing that you might vomit at the thought of confronting Yoongi tonight.

Needless to say, you were nervous. You had promised Minnie that, for your own sake, you would finally tell Yoongi to stop playing games and tell you what he really wanted with you tonight. You invited him to the party, hoping he would turn you down, thinking he probably had better plans with other friends, but he said yes, and now you were obligated to stand up to him.

“This is not my size.” You complained, observing yourself in the mirror as you pulled from the hem of your dress, attempting to cover your butt.

Your friend looked away from the tiny mirror in her hands to scan your body. You turned around, showing her the tiny black dress she let you borrow.

Minnie looked at you like you were joking. “It literally fits you like a glove.” She said, standing up from her seat to take a better look at you.

The dress was fine, it hugged your waist, your hips and every good part of your body, but you were too aware of it, you weren’t used to wearing dresses like this.

“What about my boobs?” You asked, covering up your chest with your hands.

“What about them? They look beautiful!” She exclaimed, and grabbed your hands to out them away.

You laughed “Aren’t they too out?”

“They’re perfectly out.” She responded, taking a good look at them “Like, enough, not too much and not too little, you know? If I had your boobs, I would display them just like that.”

You smiled like that was the biggest compliment a girl could ever hear. “Thank you Minnie.” You said, a little more relieved “I don’t know what I would do without you here.”

“You would be completely lost, I’m telling you.” She said, grabbing her jacket from her bed and her bag “Are we ready to go now?”

You reached for your phone, hoping to find a message from Yoongi saying that he was already here but it was not necessary, a second later you heard the motor of his car being parked in front of your house.

“That’s him.” You informed your friend, making her jump in her place like a little kid.

“Fine, let’s waste no time.”

You grabbed your jacket, already knowing it would be of no use in the freezing cold of the night, and left your house to meet Yoongi.

When you closed the door, you heard Minnie let out a little gasp, which made you look up at her.

"What?" you asked her, feeling her elbow dig into your ribs as she pointed at the sidewalk with her chin.

You turned around, meeting the sight of Yoongi, casually leaned over his car as he waited for you in the dark night. He was wearing his long black coat with his signature shirt, this time in black, his hair was slightly messy, the way you’ve always liked, and when he caught the first glimpse of your face he smiled, waving at you.

“Oh, my…” Minnie sighed, bringing her hand up to her face, fanning herself. “Is that the man who’s taking you home tonight?”

"Shut up," You muttered through gritted teeth, waving back at Yoongi.

“Is your mom coming home tonight, sweetheart?” She kept going “If I were you, I would tell her to stay somewhere else. You know, in case you and your boy…”

“Minnie, he’s gonna hear you.” You warned her, but she just laughed.

Still, in the back of your mind, you considered Minnie’s concern; no, your mom wasn’t coming home tonight, but you didn’t need to be thinking about that at all.

“Looking nice, ladies.” said Yoongi as you were making your way to his car.

“Likewise, gentleman.” Minnie answered “Do we have a resolution for the new year?”

Yoongi smirked, “Yes, we do.”

Your friend clicked her tongue, winking at you both and got into the back seat of Yoongi’s car, leaving the two of you alone.

There was a moment of silence, like he was waiting to hear the sound of the car door closing, and then, he whistled. “You’re all dolled up.” He noted, sneaking his hand under your jacket and grabbing you by your waist over your dress, pulling you closer to him.

“Is that bad?” You frowned, pretended to be annoyed.

“Maybe.” He considered “What if someone tries to steal my date?”

You snorted, softly punching his chest. “Oh, shut up.” You sassed “I can’t get rid of you, I’ve tried already.”

Yoongi bit his bottom lip, failing to hide a smile. “You look very pretty, that’s all I’m saying.”

By now, you’d think you could handle these kinds of comments—his lingering touches, or the way his eyes seemed to silently ask for a kiss—but you couldn’t. Your heart still jumped, your palms still grew sweaty, and your face still burned. Yet, you forced a smile as if you’d heard it a thousand times from countless men, as if he was nothing special.

“Well, you don’t look too bad yourself.” You patted him on the back, pulling away from him to go around the car to the passenger seat.

Yoongi’s gaze trailed over you as he turned to face you across the roof of the car, his eyes following every movement.

“By the way,” He wondered, stopping you before you could open the door “What do you mean that you’ve tried?”

You stopped for a moment, trying to understand what he meant, but you were immediately reminded of your previous comment. How clueless he was, he had no idea the amount of times you tried to exile him from your life with no success, the thought of him always crawled back to you as if he belonged there. Tonight you should be in your bed, or going to some other party to drink your weight in alcohol to try to fulfill the purpose of banishing him from your mind, but, like a thousand times before, you were with him.

You ignored his question, bursting into laughter as you got inside the car.

Yoongi stood there for a moment, hearing the echoes of your laugh across the street, tempted to chase the sound. What a shame, if you hadn't gotten into the car so quickly, you might have seen the stars reflecting in his eyes, the look that only a fool would mistake for anything other than love.

Present

The thing about small towns like yours was that they hardly ever changed—like the park in front of Minnie’s apartment, with its wooden benches and the path of trees leading to the fountain in the center, which had stopped working years ago. The never changing look of your hometown was one of the main things that made you want to leave it behind, it was ridiculous to admit how relieved you were now that everything was still the same as the last time you were here.

You set your bags down on the floor of your friend’s home and gazed out the window, watching the wind drag yellow and orange leaves, swirling them across the street until they crashed against the tall wooden doors of a building you recognized as The Alley. You remembered how, when you were younger, Minnie used to live fifteen minutes from there, but once she became an adult, she jumped at the chance to move directly across the street, staying as close as she could. You figured that people in small towns hardly ever changed either.

There was not much difference between the Minnie you knew when you were a teenager and the Minnie you knew in the present, she was still always at The Alley, except she was the one who called the shots nowadays. Over the years she gained the trust of the owners and now she was in charge of keeping everything in order, helping organize every activity and every area every day of the week, so you frowned when you saw that it was closed, especially in October, which was the most exciting month in The Alley; the Halloween plays, the Halloween movies and the Halloween parties were your favorite part of the year.

“Is The Alley closed?” You asked, turning around to see Minnie as she stuck her head in her fridge trying to look for something to eat. Your friend let you stay at her apartment for as long as you needed; it was the least she could do, considering she always crashed at your place in the city and acted like it was her own whenever she had to work there.

“Uh… yeah. It’s a whole thing.” She sighed. “It has all of us stressed out.”

“Why, what happened?” You walked over to her, sitting on one of the stools of her kitchen.

“The building’s having some issues with its infrastructure for some time now and it’s costing a lot of money.” She explained, grabbing a cup of yogurt and a spoon to place it in front of you as if that were dinner. “We thought it was just a few things, like the electricity and the plumbing, but the more we look into it, the more problems we find.”

Your frown deepened, more confused than before. The Alley had been an old building for years and years, there was always a thing or two that had to be repaired, but you never thought it was that bad. “That’s why it’s closed?” You continued to ask.

“That’s not the only reason. We had three inspections since the beginning of the year and none of them looked any good, we’re suspecting the town council might want to close it.” She rolled her eyes, but you could feel the hurt in her words.

“Close it?” You repeated it, feeling something stung in your chest “Just like that? Is it that bad?”

“Well, yes.” She affirmed, trying to appear composed but the discouragement filled her voice “Unless we fix the whole place, of course, but the repairs cost too much, so it’s going to take some time.”

“That sounds ridiculous, Minnie. What does Sid think?” You inquired. Sid was one of the owners of The Alley and the only one who was active in the community, he trusted Minnie with the management of the place more than anyone else.

“That prick.” She bitterly spat “Don’t even mention him, he’s acting like a jerk lately, he’s too old and too tired of running the place, he’s leaving everything to me. I’m trying to handle it with some other people but it’s too much. That’s why we’re closed, we’re opening just three days a week but that’s slowing down the process of collecting money.”

“Oh, Minnie. That’s horrible.” You lamented “Why am I just finding out about this now? Why didn't you tell me anything?”

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s not your fault.” She tried to wave off “You were busy and too sad to hear any of my problems, I didn’t want to bother with stupid stuff.”

“What are you talking about?” You said, shaking your head “It’s not stupid, are you nuts? I could never be too busy or sad to hear you. How come you’ve been carrying all of this without telling me?”

The feeling of guilt flooded your chest, filling with regret your whole body. You knew you were being a bad sister and a bad daughter, but you didn’t realize you were being a bad friend as well. If closing The Alley sounded horrible to you, you couldn’t imagine how bad must’ve felt for Minnie, who had dedicated most of her life to the place.”

“I mean it, baby, you don’t have to feel bad.” She assured you, squeezing your hand “My head’s been a mess lately, I was going to tell you eventually.”

“But it’s not okay, Minnie.” You insisted. “You could’ve told me how you were feeling, I mean, The Alley is your whole life, there has to be another way.”

“Yes, that’s what I keep telling myself, there has to be another way! And I’m trying to think of one, but when I think I’m close to finding a solution, my head starts to smoke.” She huffed.

You felt your heart clenching, Minnie was always trying to see the good side of things, you’ve never seen her so let down about something, especially something she cared about deeply. You both went silent, processing all the information for a minute. You wished you could do something, not only for your friend, but for the place where you had grown up, you couldn’t phantom the idea of The Alley disappearing, it was home of so many outcasts, it was your home for most of your teenage years, you felt like part of you was still on those walls.

“Have you thought about talking with a lawyer?” You asked, like some lightbulb lighted up above your head. “You know, I can talk with my brother if you’d like, he could help you save time.”

Minnie’s expression suddenly changed, she raised her eyebrows and slightly opened her mouth in surprise, but it wasn’t because of your offering, it was for something else, you just didn’t know what.

“Oh, no, honey. Don’t worry, it’s not necessary.” She rushed to say.

“How come it is not necessary?” You questioned. “Minnie, a lawyer is essential for this kind of stuff. I’m sure that Simon could give you some advice, if the situation is not good he could arrange a meeting with the council or something like that.”

You could see her doubting, the hesitating look on her face, looking at her hands as she tried to say something but couldn’t.

“You know that money is not a problem, I could talk to him about it.” You insisted, assuming that money was the reason for her doubt, she already said that they were struggling with the repair, you assumed that hiring a lawyer was too expensive to even consider.

Minnie pursed her lips, “It’s not about the money, actually.” She said, looking away from you. “And thank you, baby, it’s just that… uhm, we already consulted a lawyer.”

You sat straight in your chair “Oh, really?” You uttered, surprised. “What did they say?”

Your friend stood up from her seat, wandering around the kitchen while looking for something in the cabinets “He’s going through the documents for now, handling the legal stuff.” She trailed off, and you felt she was leaving something out. No, you didn’t understand a thing about law, but you could use a bit more information about the situation.

“How did you meet him?” You asked, curious. “Do you know if he’s any good? You know, I don’t trust lawyers.”

Your comment meant to be a joke, but the girl in front of you didn’t seem to catch it. Her tone suddenly changed “The only reason we have a lawyer is because it is a voluntary thing, so we don’t have to pay him. Otherwise, we would be lost, we couldn’t possibly afford a lawyer.” She went on, avoiding your question.

“A voluntary thing? You mean he is doing it for free?” You frowned, dismissing the fact that she didn’t answer what you asked, or even laughed at your attempt at a joke. “Why?”

“He’s from… here and really likes the place, I guess.”

“He’s from here and really likes the place?” You repeated, confused, you didn’t know many lawyers, but you were sure that was not reason enough to work for free. Minnie just hummed, not caring much to explain. “Do I know him?” The question resonated in the room, followed by a dead silence. As your friend pretended to be busy, taking the glasses out of the dishwasher and putting them back in their place, your words hung in the air, unanswered. “Minnie?”

“Yes?” You heard her voice.

“Who is he?” You asked again, but your gut told you that you already had an answer for that.

She turned back, looking at you with a warning look. “If I tell you, are you going to be mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?” You questioned, already feeling upset. You knew way too many reasons to be mad at that question.

“I’m not telling you, then.” She said, taking your answer as a yes.

“If you don’t tell me who you hired as a lawyer, I will start screaming.” You threatened like a little kid, pointing at her with the spoon as if it were a gun.

“Okay, no need to scream.” She tried to persuade you.

“Minnie…”

“I’ll tell you, but you must know that it wasn’t my decision alone.” Minnie took a step back from you, with her hands in the air. “And that I would have never said yes if we had to pay him, we barely have any money! How could I say no? Besides, he helps on the weekends with the repairs, he’s great with plumbing and everyone likes him, the guys adore him, the girls love him, everyone had already agreed before I could say a word, you understand-?

“Minnie!” You stopped her, waving your hands in the air “You are rambling, what are you saying?”

The redhead in front of you took a deep breath, composing herself. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” She breathed out “It’s just that Yoongi offered to advise us for free, and then he went on to…-”

The name ringed in your ears the same way it did when you mother mentioned the dinner the other night, the same way it did when you brother couldn’t stop mentioning his name the night you stayed at his house, the same way his voice interrupted the silence when he came looking for you in your mother’s backyard, only this time it came from your best friend’s mouth.

“Yoongi!?” You suddenly yelled, making her flinch. “What do you mean by Yoongi!?”

Minnie took another step back, afraid that you would use the spoon in your hand to take her eyes out.

“God, don’t be mad at me.” She pleaded, with her hands clasped together and her fingers intertwined as if she was begging for forgiveness.

You crossed your arms over your chest, shaking your head in disbelief. One thing was not to tell you of the fact that the town wanted to close The Alley because she was stressed and too tired to talk about it, and a completely different thing was not telling you that Yoongi, the only man who ever broke your heart, was involved, trying to ignore the fact that it was the place where you grew up. You couldn’t believe your friend didn’t tell you that Yoongi was trying to help to save the place that was directly connected to you and him.

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

“No, that was not the reason.” She tried to deny, but the second you raised an eyebrow, she backtracked “I mean, not at first, but I was telling the truth!”

“Half the truth!” You accused her.

“Okay, fine!” She threw her hands in the air, resigned. “Half the truth, I admit it.”

“But why?” You insisted.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart” She cried “ I don’t know… I was afraid you wouldn’t like the idea of him being involved in it.”

“I mean, it doesn’t sound thrilling, but I would want to know that it was happening, I don’t care if Yoongi was helping you with it.”

“I know, I know…” She trailed off, but there was still something she was keeping from you. Her gaze was fixed on her hands, she didn’t dare to look you in the eye. “It’s just…”

“What?” You kept asking “C’mon, Minnie… You don’t seriously think I’m still hurt by it, do you?”

The words came out of your mouth afraid to sound unsure, and the look she gave you finished to confirm it.

“Well, no-”

“Are you kidding? It’s been years, how could you think I’m still resentful?”

She raised an eyebrow the same way you did a second ago to accuse her, wondering if you were joking or not. “Don’t play dumb with me, you hate his guts.”

“I don’t hate his guts.” You scoffed, doing a very bad job at lying. In front of you there was the same woman who saw you crying for Yoongi all those years ago, the only person who you could talk shit about him with, you couldn’t pretend you were suddenly the most forgiving person when she was the only one who knew how much he hurt you.

Minnie laughed, making it clear that she didn’t believe you one word. “Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, maybe I still hate his guts.” You conceded “But that doesn’t mean I can’t tolerate him.”

You could feel Minnie’s eyes scanning every feature of your face, you could feel the weight of her doubt in the air. How could you convince her that you weren’t annoyed by Yoongi helping her when you didn’t even know the answer yourself? “Is that right?” She said, taking a step closer to you. You just nodded, but you didn’t know if that was even true. “So you wouldn’t mind, let’s say, being in the same room as him?”

“Of course not.” You replied right away, trying to appear confident. “Wasn’t I in the same room as him just a few days ago?”

“Yes, you were, you’re right.” She acknowledged “In that case, let’s say I believe you.”

“Yes, because I’m telling the truth.” You said in the same condescending tone she was using.

“And let’s say that I believe that you are more than capable of putting aside everything that happened between you and Yoongi just for the sake of The Alley.”

“That’s right.” You nodded, with your arms crossed over your chest.

“And if I were to ask you to help me with The Alley because you’re famous and you would help us raise a bunch of money, would you say yes even if Yoongi is there, helping too?”

You scoffed, a nervous laugh escaped you, thinking she was joking. But as you scanned her face for even the slightest hint of jest, a cold realization settled in your gut—she was completely serious.

“You have to call my agent for that kind of stuff, you know that?” You tried to joke, but she was not backing down.

“I’m not joking!” She pleaded “I was planning to ask you for a long time, but I didn’t know that you would want to do it since Yoongi is always around, but if you’re telling me you don’t care about him…”

You close your eyes shut. “It’s not only Yoongi- I mean, it’s not about him at all” You corrected yourself “I would love to help The Alley in all the ways I can, but I’m not sure if I want to play the superstar role right now.”

She nodded, immediately understanding “It’s fine, I get it, but I’m not asking you to play the superstar role, I’m asking you to be the girl I knew all my life, the one who’s passionate about theater and loves The Alley as much as me.”

A genuine smile spread across your face, feeling a warm feeling blossoming in your chest. “And the girl who’s also famous and would help you raise a bunch of money?”

She scoffed, “Well, you happen to be all of that too, isn’t that great?” You rolled your eyes, trying to hide a smile. “Look, I’m not saying that you should say yes right now, but you should at least go with me this friday and I can show you some of my ideas, what do you say?”

Friday was just four days away, that was not enough time for you to decide anything, but because you loved Minnie, and you loved The Alley, and honestly, because you didn’t have anything better to do, you agreed to think about it, only for now. “Fine, Friday it is.”

Four years ago.

New Year’s eve.

The last night of the year always felt as if something was about to change, even if it never did. You clung to that feeling of hope, as if time were real, as if the sun and the stars ruled your life and you weren’t the only one capable of controlling it, at least that way you weren’t able to blame yourself for feeling like something was missing when you came home at six in the morning, drunk and hopeless.

Change, future, and love were becoming curse words in your vocabulary, and if you saw a shooting star tonight, you would wish to forget any meaning you had ever learned about them. But if you stood in the street tonight, shaking in the cold winter air as you looked up at the dark sky, waiting for someone to give you all the answers, you feared your life would be wasted. Your life wasn’t ruled by the stars, it was ruled by you, it was about time for you to realize.

Tonight you didn’t need the universe to tell you what to do, what you needed was a drink or two to gather the courage to confront Yoongi, but the second you entered the silver room with the silver lights, you heard some sappy song from the 2000’s and for a second you almost forgot about his hands holding yours, or perhaps you were just desperately trying to.

“C’mon,” He called you, grabbing your hand to walk you to the dance floor “you must dance! Or they’ll kick you out.”

You laughed and rolled your eyes, but followed him as he made his way through the sea of people to reach the center of the dance floor. The room was packed, it smelled like cigarettes, weed and perfume mixed together, there was a huge contrast between the cold weather outside and the heavy and humid air from inside. Minnie was lost somewhere else, she was part of the committee that organized the party and wanted to check that everything was exactly as she planned it, so you and Yoongi were now alone, again.

Time spent with Minnie had a way of dissolving the anxieties that once clung to you when you first visited The Alley after coming home, you were no longer afraid of being recognized, in fact, when you came here the other day to watch When Harry Met Sally and some old friends recognized you, you didn’t try to run away, you took a second to hug them and catch up, you were also surprised to find out that none of them hated you like your imagination made you believe they did. Turns out, people grow up and grow apart and there was nothing bad with that. It was always a desire of yours to run away from this town, but only if you could make sure that you could return to The Alley anytime you wanted, it was a relief to know that now you could.

You had missed it, the parties, the music, the ten disco balls on the ceiling and those moments where the room was so dark no one could see how badly you were dancing, except those few lights that were were still shining in your eyes the same way your dress did every time Yoongi twirled you around. He didn’t miss any of that, he was paying attention, he observed your eyes, your nose, your lips, the way the straps of your dress rested gently on your collarbones, your body and your waist, his hands on your hips, how he couldn’t keep them away from you and how you wished you could just ignore it.

Yoongi was not shy, he was never shy when you were alone and tonight, even if you were in a room full with people, it felt like you were. He was dancing like you were the only one watching him, he laughed, he winked at you and drew you closer to him to whisper things in your ear in the middle of songs. You danced in the only way you knew: shamelessly, and when Yoongi said he needed some air you promised him to go outside with him for a moment, you were sweaty, your hair was sticking to the back of your neck and you knew you needed to check your lipstick in a mirror, but only after finishing dancing to Rock ‘N’ Roll Star by Oasis.

If there was a way in the universe that could stop the turmoil of your mind, that would be dancing, and it was working like a charm.

When the song was about to end, you began making your way out of the dance floor, but you immediately changed your mind when you heard the first chords of Sex on Fire blasting from the speakers. You stopped in your tracks, yanking Yoongi’s hand and making his body crash into yours.

“Stop!” You yelled “We can’t not dance to this song.”

“Pinky…” He whined, trying to complain, but you were already beginning to walk backwards, intertwining your fingers with his.

“You have to dance with me!” You insisted “You know this one!”

His lips curled into a mischievous smirk, the kind that could only promise trouble.

How lucky you were that Minnie wasn’t around. If she had seen the way you were looking at Yoongi at that moment, she would have slapped you in the face to snap you out of it. You were aware that you had an initial plan and that you weren’t anywhere near to pulling it off, you were aware that you were running off of excuses and that time wasn’t going to be on your side for much longer, but was it too much to ask for a few more moments like this? Those glimpses of something else, those evanescent instants where you didn’t have to wonder why you were dancing to this song with someone who was supposed to be your friend, with his lips threatening to brush with yours, his fingertips on your back, and his gaze fixed on you. You could hear your heart begging you to kiss him and your mind pleading you not to, but the only thing you understood was the way Yoongi sang each word to your face, so close you could explode.

You giggled and jumped to the rhythm of the song and sang back, forgetting all the words you practiced with Minnie, and all the things Minnie said and all the things you promised to do tonight. If you were to put an end to this now, you could at least have this moment.

“What is that?” Yoongi asked, observing you approaching him with a drink in your hands.

Going back to your own words, you hadn’t had much to drink tonight, you were too busy dancing or maybe it was the unbearable knot in your stomach that didn’t allow you to even think of alcohol before ending up throwing up. Ultimately, you decided to stay sober, this was only your second drink of the night and it was offered by Minnie, who you just encountered at the bar a few minutes ago. She yelled at the bartender, ordering a drink for both you and Yoongi. With a wink, she added two straws to the cup and playfully nudged you back towards the dance floor.

“It’s sex on the beach.” You mumbled without making eye contact with him. At least no one could say Minnie wasn’t funny. “A present from Minnie.”

“Two straws?” Yoongi said, leaning forward to sip the drink through one of the straws. “Isn’t she a matchmaker?”

Well, he had no idea.

“Buddy, if you want another drink you should buy it yourself.” You scoffed, drinking from the other straw. “You are the one who’s been drinking water the whole night.”

“I have plenty of things that I need to do tonight, I have to be sober.”

“Plenty of things?” You questioned “Like what?”

You joined Yoongi as he leaned against the wall, holding the cup between the two of you.

“Like driving you home.” He replied “What would Lila say about me if I show up drunk.”

“You never get drunk. You have the highest tolerance.” You laughed. “And even if you did, my mom would say that I was the one who got you drunk.”

“And maybe it would be true,” he snarked, leaning in with a playful grin, his lips brushing close to your ear. “I would tell her that you forced me to dance so much that the only way I could keep up was by drinking all the beer from the bar.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” you huffed, digging your elbow into his ribs to push him away. “But I bet she would believe anything you say.”

Yoongi smiled, cocky “I bet she would, yeah.” You rolled your eyes, taking another long sip of the drink before feeling your throat slightly burning. “What’s up with the slow music?”

You looked around, seeing a few couples slowly dancing in the middle of the room. The lights were red and Fade Into You by Mazzy Star was playing softly, the dance floor was less packed, you thought it could only mean it was about to be midnight.

You grabbed Yoongi’s wrist to draw it closer to your face so you could check the hour on his watch. “It’s about to be midnight.” You announced. “They start playing love songs before midnight.”

“Why love songs?” He questioned.

“So you can find the person you want to give your first kiss of the year.”

“Isn’t that a bit cheesy?” he teased, tilting his head with a smirk.

“Of course it is.” You said, chucking “That’s the point.”

Yoongi nodded and set his cup down on a nearby table, extending his hand toward you. “Fine, let’s dance then.”

You observed his hand extended to you, a bit hesitant. “You slow dance, too?”

“Tonight I do.” He revealed. You had no other option but to take his hand.

You’ve never been to a New Year’s party at The Alley, but since Minnie was heavily involved in the preparations you knew a thing or two about how it went down. When the lights turned yellow and Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer suddenly began playing, you knew you were just a few minutes away from the New Year.

You had never been much of a slow dancer, so you were not sure what to do, but Yoongi seemed to have no problem with it, he led the way without making you look pathetic. You knew he had more experience with romantic scenarios than you, and even if you’d had your share of romantic relationships, it all went down to boring boyfriends, bad boyfriends, and boys who didn’t want to be your boyfriend at all. As he laid his hands on your waist and his soft gaze upon you, you couldn’t help but wonder if this was a romantic moment at all—nothing had ever been as close as this.

“So… did you have fun?” You asked him, grabbing his shoulder in an attempt to keep yourself steady.

“I am having fun.” He emphasized, “Why are you asking as if the night is already ending?”

“I don’t know.” You said, a playful glint in your eyes. “I guess because... I always get the feeling that you’re about to slip away.”

He raised an eyebrow, moving slowly to the rhythm, pulling you with him. “Slip away?” he wondered.

“Oh, you know, you’re the kind of guy who slips away.” You smiled softly, enjoying the look of confusion on his face.

“I don’t know what that means.” He laughed.

“I mean… the guy who people always expect but always leaves early.” You tried to explain, but that didn’t do much for Yoongi’s understanding.

“Do you think I always leave early?” He inquired, making you laugh.

“You leave early sometimes.” You confirmed “Most times.”

“Well, I don’t quite enjoy parties.” He confessed, but you already knew that. When you were younger, you always followed Simon to parties. He tried so hard not to get annoyed at his little sister; annoying him was supposed to be your job. And as fun as it sounded, you were never really there for Simon, but to catch a glimpse of his best friend. Of course you soon learned that hanging out with Yoongi at your house was much more entertaining than observing him flirting with the prettiest girl of the party just to watch him leave with her an hour later. If you ever found Yoongi at a party, it was most likely because Simon dragged him to it, you guessed you weren’t so different from your brother.

“What about this one?” You teased him “Are you leaving this party early?”

“Mmm, no.” He shook his head “I won’t be disappearing tonight.”

“Is that so?” You asked, and he nodded, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his touch lingering for a moment. “What’s different tonight?”

For an instant, Yoongi's gaze drifted around the room, as though searching for a reason to stay, before finally settling back on you.

“You, maybe.” He asserted calmly, his voice steady.

You laughed nervously, feeling your chest tighten. “What about me?”

“Nothing, you look really pretty.” He simply said. “I wouldn’t leave a party if you’re looking this pretty.”

Your breath got caught in your throat “Yoongi…” you whispered, but he could hear your voice just right.

“Hmm?” He hummed.

“Stop that…” Your voice came out weak as you placed a hand on his chest, attempting to create some distance between your body and his. Yet, with his hand resting on your lower back, he gently drew you closer once again.

“Stop what?” he dared to ask,

That—this, whatever you had going on, whatever was happening between you and him—had gotten to a point of no return. All the cards seemed to be on the table, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to give a name to it. Yes, you could see it, you could feel it, but you were still afraid.

“Nothing, never mind,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

“C’mon, tell me,” he coaxed, cupping your cheek with one hand. A teasing smirk danced on his lips, making you want to punch him, but the hand you meant to push him away with gradually glided down his chest instead.

“That thing you’ve been doing.” You murmured, tilting your head to lean into his touch.

“What?” He scoffed, “What thing I’ve been doing?”

“Exactly that.” You pointed out. “Stop playing dumb with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said with a mocking tone on his voice.

You slightly punch his chest with your fist “That, too.” You pouted, feeling his thumb grazing over your jaw. “You’re trying to drive me crazy, stop that.”

“Am I doing that?” He smirked, the amusement in his eyes clear as he watched for your reaction. “How exactly?”

“Don’t piss me off…” You threatened, as if your threats had any value when you were wrapped in his arms, when your voice sounded so weak.

“You’re incredible, really.” He said “Aren’t you the one who’s trying to drive me crazy?”

You blinked, clearly not grasping the situation.

“What are you talking about?” You demanded to know.

Yoongi bit his lip, holding back a smile “Pinky…” He said like it was obvious, but everything was a blur, a cloud of smoke surrounding the both of you.

“Yoongi…” You spoke in the same tone as him.

“What? Am I insane or am I just imagining you pulling me in just to push me away later?” His words didn’t sound harsh, but there was a hint of resignation in his voice. You couldn’t help but frown deeply, bewildered.

“Are you serious? I’m not doing that.” You said, feeling your cheeks burn in embarrassment. The truth was that you weren’t even sure if you were doing that or not, but you were not willing to admit it. “You’re the one playing games with me.”

He chuckled, shaking his head in denial “I’m not playing any games with you.”

“Really?” You snickered, bitterly, but he was quick to deny it. “Not one?”

“No, not one.” He assured you, confidently.

“Yeah, sure.”

“What games am I playing, you say?”

“You know what I’m talking about.” You tried to dismiss it, too embarrassed to say it out loud.

“You are not being very communicative with me, Pinky.”

You scrunched your nose, it was only a matter of time for him to start annoying you “You…-”

“I?...”

You rolled your eyes. “You know what you did.”

“I actually, no, I don’t know what I did.” He jested.

“Yoongi, you tried to kiss me!” You blurted out, your words tumbling over each other. “Before Christmas, you tried to kiss me and a second later you acted like nothing happened.”

“No-” He tried to defend himself, but you were quick to interrupt him.

“Yes! You acted like I imagined everything.” You kept accusing, “You keep leaving me stranded, wondering if I just went mad!”

You felt your heart racing with each word you spoke, but Yoongi was unphased, completely calm, you could even see a glimpse of amusement sparkling in his eyes.

“Pinky, I did want to kiss you.” He admitted with a tranquil smile, as if sharing a simple truth “You weren’t imagining it, I wanted to kiss you so many times, I still do.”

It was like someone was playing a bad joke on you; the proximity of his face, the weight of his words, his gentle touch all over your body, it only made your breath hitch, your heart skip a beat, you felt like you were floating in the air in a different dimension, because this could not be real. It was like a force of habit, you couldn’t believe something good was happening to you even if it was right in front of your face.

“Then, why didn’t you do it?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, surprised that you had mustered the courage to wonder that out loud. “Why didn’t you come looking for me after?”

“I always come back to you, are you kidding?” he replied, chuckling softly, though his gaze held an unexpected seriousness. “But you looked horrified, that day in your grandmother’s house you stormed out, you ran away, what was I supposed to do?”

You couldn’t recall that day without feeling a chill running down your whole body. The sole memory of your bodies pressing against each other, his deep voice, his dark eyes and the embarrassing moment when you had to open the door to find your mother standing there was enough to keep you awake at night. The only option you had was to run away, you thought it was only logical, but now you felt your whole face burning red as Yoongi accused you of running away from him.

“Well, because you…! “ you dug your finger into his chest, exasperatedly trying to find the right words to put on a good fight. “You confuse me!”

“Do I?” He mocked you. “Am I confusing you?”

“Yes, you do!” you argued, ignoring his implications “You say and do all these things, you grab my hand, ask me to run away with you, you try to kiss me and then-“

“And then what?” He snapped, making you swallow your words “And then I give in, don’t I?”

“No!” You protested, squinting your eyes. “You disappear, you come back, you leave, you leave me hanging, you confuse me. How can I know what it is when I don’t know what you want, when it seems that you don’t even know what you want?”

“I’m not trying to confuse you, I know exactly what I want.” He laughed without humor.

“And what’s that?” You demanded, frustration boiling over.

“Pinky, I know that there have been people around you that tried to make you believe that you weren’t good enough, but that it’s simply not me.” He said “I want you, is that so difficult to believe?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but your thoughts were a mess. “That’s not- Thats…!” Your words tangled, and now you were barely making any sense.

“That’s the truth, I grab your hand, try to kiss you and when you push me away I come back home just to dream of you all night, convincing myself that I’m not completely insane.” He paused, his gaze locked onto yours, as if begging you to understand.

You squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head as if that would somehow clear the storm of emotions swirling inside you. His confession was overwhelming, every word sinking into your chest. You felt your head spinning, you couldn’t process all those words, not when your heart was threatening to escape from your chest and his hands were still on your face, demanding you to look at him.

“Because that’s what I’ve been doing since last summer, asking myself if I lost my head” He continued “And, Pinky, that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I have to be okay with it. Because I would rather watch you all night wearing that dress, wishing that I could take it off, than having nothing at all.”

A lump formed in your throat, your breath hitching as you tried to form a response, but no words came. You simply gulped, utterly speechless, trapped between disbelief and the wild beating of your heart.

“Yoongi…” you whined, barely managing to get his name past your lips. The words you needed were nowhere to be found.

And then, in the least convenient moment, the countdown started, the room filling with the sound of people shouting numbers.

He leaned in, his breath warm against your lips, his voice barely above a whisper. “What? What should I do, hm?” His lips grazed over yours, so soft that it felt like a question in itself.

“I can’t handle this,” you murmured, biting your bottom lip in an attempt to steady yourself. “This is too much. I can’t.”

He paused, his eyes searching yours, and then, as if trying to make sense of the situation, he asked softly, “Should I turn around and leave?”

You shook your head, quickly, repeatedly, without a second thought.

“Tell me, then.” He pressed, his voice almost a plea.

Still caught in the hazy blur of the moment, you could hear the countdown approaching its end, yet he still hadn’t pulled away. It felt as if you were under a spell, frozen in place, unable to move. You were breathing heavily, overwhelmed by the lights and the music and the people chanting, overwhelmed by his words, his body and his gaze fixed on your lips. The fleeting feeling that you were dreaming hit you for a second, but when everyone around you started counting four, that thought quickly vanishedYou heard three, and the realization that he was waiting for your response hit you like a bolt of lightning. You heard two and you got the feeling that if you didn’t do anything about it now, you wouldn’t do anything about it ever, you heard one and, against every rational thought, you pressed your lips against his, kissing him.

It was not a soft kiss, it was rushed, rough and messy. You closed your fists around his shirt, pulling him closer as he opened his mouth to search for your tongue in desperation, the way his fingers gripped your hips burned right through your clothes, driving you to the edge. You could hear people yelling and laughing, you could hear the fireworks outside, the song that started right after the countdown, but you were completely absorbed by him, by his lips, by the way he held you, no one had ever kissed you with such determination, with such dedication.

You had spent years dreaming about kissing Yoongi, but you never thought it would be like this—like your lips fitted just right with each other, as if in this universe he was made only for you. The moment was electric, igniting a fire deep within you, and all the doubts and fears that had held you back melted away, leaving only the warmth of his presence and the sweetness of his breath against your skin.

His feet carried him to the nearest wall, dragging you along until he pinned you against it, never breaking the kiss. For a fleeting moment, he pulled back to catch his breath, his gaze lingering on your lips before he devoured them once more. His hands traveled down your back, tempted to listen to his thoughts, to touch your body in the way he really wanted.

You laid your hand on his chest, gently pulling away “Is this what you wanted?” You whispered, excitement filling your voice.

His lips curled into a teasing smile. “Not even close,” he murmured, his voice low with amusement.

There were only so many ways you could imagine the night ending, that was what you thought before leaving your house earlier tonight. If you were lucky enough, you would’ve come back home in one piece, sober and with your heart intact, that would’ve meant that you didn’t dare to take any risks, you would've let the night finish its course without rushing it, finally accepting that you were a coward. If you were unlucky, you would’ve come home crying, drunk and with your heart shattered; that would’ve meant that you did take risks, but the universe simply wasn’t ready to take your side yet. You could’ve laid in bed and fantasized all you wanted, but none of those scenarios would’ve ever looked like this one.

As Yoongi opened the door of the entrance of his building, you caught a glimpse of the hour in the watch on his wrist. It took him half an hour and more than a few kisses to ask you to leave the party with him, two minutes to pick your jackets from the cloakroom, and only five minutes to drive to his apartment, and yet it felt like the longest car ride of your life. You thought that after twenty one years of life of never getting what you wanted, the universe should at least grant you the wish to skip the car ride to Yoongi’s apartment, because you had never felt so much tension before. You sank in the passenger seat and tried to avoid his gaze as much as possible, the mere thought of being alone with Yoongi was starting to give you goosebumps; the seat belt and the fact that he had to keep both hands on the steering wheel were the only things that were keeping him away from you.

The scenario was displayed right in front of you; he opened the door, letting you inside first and walking to the elevator with a cheeky smirk on his face. It wasn’t in your plans to leave less than an hour into the new year, and yet you were there, following the person you tried to forget so many times into his apartment, feeling like a handful of nerves.

You observed him opening the doors of the old elevator and then ran to get inside before him, crashing your back against the wall so it could keep you as far away from him as possible. You still didn’t understand what the fuck you were doing going into his apartment.

Yoongi got in after you, staring at you like you went mad, and honestly, it kinda felt like you did. You wanted to punch him when he laughed at you as he closed the doors, curiously raising his eyebrows. “Are you running away from me?” He asked, pressing the fourth button on the wall. It only took him one step to be as close to you as he was. You breath hitched, not feeling as confident as you felt when you were surrounded by people. “Still?”

You felt the sudden shift as the elevator ascended to the fourth floor. Yoongi and his mom had always lived in the same old building. The hallway walls were a dull brown, and the elevator had heavy accordion-style metal doors that folded inward and had to be closed manually. When you pressed the button to go up or down, the whole thing shook as if it was about to break down—but it never did. The mirror inside was old and smudged, you caught his reflection in the corner of your eye but you tried to ignore it, his presence alone was making you shiver.

You shook your head, unable to utter another word.

“No?” He kept insisting. He was teasing you, he had been teasing you for the whole night and you weren’t sure if you could take it anymore. You were tired of playing nonchalant, you just wanted to kiss him again.

He took a step forward, grabbing your waist to pull you closer to him. His fingers found each other in the small of your back, pressing you against him and taking you by surprise when he caught your bottom lip between his teeth and kissed you deeply. He slowly opened your mouth to slide his tongue past your lips, making it difficult to breathe or to even think.

You grasped his shoulders with your fingers in case he wanted to pull away but there was no need. You weren’t sure how many times you had tried to decipher whether you were caught in a dream or if this was reality, because there was no way Yoongi knew exactly how to kiss you to make every logical thought on your mind disappear, but when the elevator shook again you were pulled out of your trance, you were not dreaming, somehow this was real.

“Who knew this was the only way to get you to shut up.” He murmured, brushing his lips against yours.

“Fuck you.” You whispered, and you hated it because it doesn’t come out as an insult at all.

He chuckled, “Oh, there you are again.”

He took your hand to drag you out of the elevator, leading the way to his apartment door at the end of the dark hallway.

For Yoongi, your house was almost like his second home—but you could count only a couple of times you had been to his, like when your mom picked him up because Simon and he were going to a comic convention for the first time. You were ten, already with the worst attitude, mad that you had to go with your nerd brother and his nerd friend to some nerd convention. But when you arrived at Yoongi’s apartment, he took you to his room and—attempting to change your mood—showed you the keyboard his mom had gotten him for his birthday. You remembered that a few weeks prior, he had told you he was teaching himself how to play, and you asked him if he could learn "Last Night on Earth" by Green Day. That morning, before leaving, he played it for you under one condition: that you stop being mad.

When you walked through the door and saw the living room immersed in complete darkness, you couldn’t help but wonder if he still remembered how to play the song.

“Do you still have the keyboard?” You asked, unsure how to act around him alone. The air felt heaving, and nerves were still fluttering in your stomach. You had never been nervous to be alone with a man ever; it was usually the other way around, but not with him, never with him.

Yoongi smirked, not believing you were thinking about that. “Is that why you’re so quiet? You’re thinking about my old keyboard?”

“You’re pissing me off.” You warned him, digging your finger on his chest, but he’s quick to pull you close to him again, laughing at you. You, who were always so cocky and quick-witted with your insults, now you were standing there, struggling to find a retort. There was no way you were this nervous to be alone with a man you’ve known literally all your life.

“It’s in my room.” He whispered, brushing his thumbs over your waist.

You swallowed, feeling your heart drop to your stomach.

“I…” You tried to say, but he was still looking at you the same way he was observing you back in the car, it was probably the same way he had been looking at you during these past weeks, but you couldn’t help but feel it was different. “I didn’t mean that.” You managed to finish your sentence.

He quietly chuckled, shaking his head “You want to see the keyboard. What else could you mean?”

You pressed your lips together, holding back the urge to curse him again. Ignoring your red cheeks, he took your hand before you could say anything back, making his way to his bedroom.

Yoongi’s home hasn’t changed too much, except for the frames on the walls that now had pictures of a much older Yoongi, or when he graduated high school and pictures on family holidays. You took a second to look at them as you walked towards his room but you were distracted when you felt his fingers on your chin, gently turning your face towards him.

“I like that picture.” You pointed at your left, a picture your mom took when both him and Simon graduated. It was Yoongi and Nari, his mom. Yoongi had a fresh cut and some square black glasses that he changed as soon as he got into college. “I was really sad when you left.” You confessed suddenly.

You weren’t intending for your words to carry a touch of sorrow, but they still linger with a hint of sadness in the air.

“Were you?” He murmured and you nodded.

You had always wondered what would have happened if you and Yoongi had grown up at the same time—what if it had been you instead of Simon? You wouldn't have had to see them leave together; you wouldn't have felt so disappointed when they came to visit every other weekend. Maybe you would’ve grown up less angry. You came to accept what you had, Yoongi was there for every important moment of you life; he taught you how to drive, helped you pass your math tests, he was the one who talked you out of your relationship with your asshole ex boyfriend, he was there for your graduation, to send you off to college, he was everywhere but you, on the other hand, were just a tiny piece of his life.

He cupped your face, chasing away all those swirling thoughts as he kissed your lips softly. He walked backwards, guiding you into his room while deepening the kiss. As the door closed behind you, a quiet certainty settled in your heart: your past had led you to this moment.

You sighed, feeling the ghost of his lips when he pulled away to search for something.

The dim light of the lamp next to Yoongi’s bed didn’t do much to illuminate the room, but provided enough lighting to observe how much it changed since the last time you were there. It didn’t look like the room of a teenager anymore, most of the posters were no longer there and the action figures were replaced by books now, but his keyboard was still folded next to his closet.

Yoongi grabbed it and carefully put it at the feet of his bed. He sat on the edge, inviting you to sit between his legs.

You narrowed your eyes at him, hesitating. “You…”

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes, tugging at your hand and guiding you to sit on his lap, your back against his chest as you faced the keyboard.

And, by the way, have you mentioned how nervous you were? You took a deep breath, dreaming, hoping, wishing he wouldn’t notice, but you were a fool if you thought Yoongi couldn’t read you like the palm of his hand.

“Do you do this with all the girls?” You dared to ask, but the truth was that you didn’t want to know the answer.

He kissed your exposed shoulder, resting his chin on it. “C’mon, you’re the one who asked to see the keyboard.”

You turned your head to him, a bit offended. “Is that a yes?”

“That was a no.” He retracted himself, he knew you well enough to know that he shouldn’t play with you unless he wanted to see you walk through the door. “What about the keyboard?”

You decided to ignore the swift change of topic. “Do you still remember how to play?” You asked, touching the keys and jumping a bit when it sounded a bit too loud.

“I’m a bit rusty, but sure I do.”

“Do you remember when… I asked you to learn a song?”

“Yes, I remember that,” He said, chuckling. “I also remember that the day I played it for you you were really pissed because your mom couldn’t find a nanny and had to hang out with me and Simon. You called me a nerd, very cruel.”

You squeezed your eyes shut. “God, I was such a terrible kid back then.”

“Well, yes, maybe.” He admitted “But you were also a really cool kid. You made us listen to My Chemical Romance the whole ride. I remember that your mom hated it, but it was the only thing that could keep you happy.”

You bursted out a laugh, remembering how big of a fan you were of My Chemical Romance, you still were. Your mom thought you were too young to be listening to that, but Simon bought you their second record for your birthday and she knew you wouldn’t take no for an answer, she had no other option but to let you keep it.

“I don’t know how my mom put up with me,” you said, shaking your head with a grin. “It probably drove her crazy.”

“Mmm, you always had that effect on people,” he teased, a mischievous smile dancing on his lips. “In both good and bad ways.”

“Is that really the impression I leave on you?” You shot back, raising an eyebrow playfully. He hummed thoughtfully, admitting it without hesitation. “And in what way is it for you?”

“In both ways,” He replied, his tone light and teasing.

You bit your lips, trying to hold back a smile. “You’re so whipped, it’s ridiculous.” You said “I wanted you to play the keyboard but I rather hear you compliment how cool I am.”

“Oh, shut up.” He huffed, gently slapping your thigh “What did you want me to play, again?”

“The song I told you!” You reminded him.

“Oh, right!” He laughed, “I remember it, it was easy to learn.” He said and began to play the first chords “It reminds me of you, how could it not?” You smiled, watching his long fingers make the room full with music, you sang the song in your head, being hit by a sudden wave of nostalgia. “I want you to play it with me.”

You frowned “But I don’t know how.”

“I know, dummy.” He replied, grinning as he halted the music and pulled his fingers away from the keys. “Like this, see?” He gently took your hands, aligning your fingers with his, his palms covering the tops of yours as he began to play.

You laughed, fully aware it sounded awful—nothing like when he played solo—but your heart had never felt so at ease. His laughter danced through your hair, his body shaking beneath you, and you lost track of when the sound might end, as if it were a never-ending loop. All you wished was for it to last forever.

After two minutes, he intertwined his fingers with yours, bringing the song to a halt. “You’re good with the keys,” he joked. “Not as good as me, but you’ll get there.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing as you turned to wrap your arms around his neck. It felt a bit strange to be so close, but when his hands glided up and down your exposed thighs, and he looked into your star-filled eyes in the dim light, it suddenly felt just right.

His eyes were shining under the dim lights, biting his lips as he grasped your hips to keep you in place.

“What?” You asked.

“Nothing, it’s just…” He said, somehow pulling you closer “I missed you while I was gone, that’s all.”

How much? you wanted to ask him, and when, for how long? And why? You wanted to know everything, to dive into the turmoil of his mind, to see yourself through his eyes.

You wanted to make an effort to hide how easily you melted when it came to him, but then again, why hide it? If you had the chance to grab his face and kiss him, that was exactly what you should do, and that was exactly what you did.

Your tights hugged his waist, and you tried not to flinch when his hands gripped your waist, slowly running his palms down the curve of your ass. He kissed you slowly, fingers tracing the line of your jaw as he deepened the kiss, slow and intoxicating. Each movement was controlled, filled with intent, as though he was savoring every second, every breath you shared. The warmth of his lips, the soft hum of desire between you, built gradually. His fingers teased their way under your dress, but they stopped there for a moment, as if he was playing with you. He pulled away, leaving a peck on your lips. “You aren’t so shy anymore.” He teased you, brushing his nose against yours.

“You’re so annoying,” you squinted your eyes at him.

He smiled, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “And…” his lips moved to your jaw, “…you are…” then to the curve of your neck, “…so pretty.” Taking advantage of how lost you were in the moment, he gently flipped you over, positioning himself between your legs, now hovering above you.

Yoongi sighed, feeling completely defeated. He, more than anyone, knew how beautiful you were: you were beautiful in the mornings, with messy hair and sleepy eyes; when you wore mismatched socks and a hoodie; in your pajamas; when you stumbled over your words,when you were shy and flustered, when you were angry and looked you were about to kill someone. Even if you hid in crowded rooms and always sat in the back of the class you couldn’t hide it, you had grown up beautiful, but specifically tonight you seemed to have stars in your eyes. All your makeup was smudged, half of the product of your lipstick was on Yoongi’s face and the dark shadow in your eyes was a mess, but he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

“You have the prettiest eyes, you know that?”

You felt your cheeks flush, heat creeping up your neck. “Are you trying to make me nervous?” You asked.

He kissed your lips before answering “Why, is it working?”

You shook your head in denial, lying shamelessly. You ran your hands from his abdomen to his chest, not knowing what to do next. Your mind and heart were racing, if you thought twice about it you didn’t even know what you were doing there, laying under him as he caressed your thighs, as he kissed your neck, as he pressed his body firmly against yours.

“Can you tell me something?” You whispered.

He gently brushed a few strands of hair away from your face. “What is this?”

“What was that thing you said about last summer?” You asked “What did you mean?”

Those words were still ringing in your mind since you heard them; that's what I’ve been doing since last summer. You wanted to know what he was talking about, but instead, he squeezed his eyes shut, groaning. “C’mon, tell me…” you chuckled.

“I was not supposed to say that out loud.”

“Why?” You insisted “Are you embarrassed?”

“I’m not embarrassed.” He firmly said “But there’s some things I should keep to myself.”

You rolled your eyes “Yoongi, tell me now…”

“Fine, okay, I’ll tell you.” He said, surrendering to your tactics, which consisted only of a warning glance. “Last summer we spent some time together, some time with Simon, some time alone, but always together. I began to see you differently, you were different, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty about it.”

“Why were you feeling guilty?” You cautiously asked.

He stopped for a moment, trying to find the right words. “Mmm… I felt I wasn’t supposed to look at you differently.”

You tilted your head, curious. “Exactly how different?”

“Well, different,” he repeated, a hint of playfulness in his tone. “I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

“What was it?” You frowned “Was it my eyebrows? I laminated my eyebrows for the first time last summer. Everyone said I looked prettier.”

Yoongi shook his head, amusement dancing in his eyes. How could you think it was your eyebrows?

“It wasn’t your eyebrows, but they suit you nicely.” He complimented, making you smile.

“Well, thanks.” You happily said “But then, what was it? I don’t remember being particularly diff-”

“It was your bikini, Pinky,” he interrupted, his confession coming out suddenly. Heat rushed to your cheeks as you tried to process his words. You blinked a few times, searching his face for any hint of teasing, but he looked serious—almost too serious. “There was this weekend where you were wearing a bikini with strawberries on it and… I gave you more than a few looks and felt like I was beginning to go crazy…” His expression remained sincere, almost thoughtful.. “I thought it would go away, you are a pretty girl, I supposed it was only logical to feel attracted. But then, I started to dream about you and that made everything worse, but that’s too much information.”

“No, I want to know.” You kept insisting, teasing him “Tell me what you were dreaming about.”

“You don’t want to know.” He brushed it off.

You reached for the buttons of his shirt, with a gentle touch, you unfastened the first button. “But I do want to know.”

Yoongi leaned in, kissing your lips softly as if that could make you forget the topic of conversation, but of course it didn’t, you were still looking at him, eager to know.

“Dreams, Pinky, of you… in that bikini… without a bikini, in my bed.” He said in a soft breath as he swept his palm on his face. He didn’t look embarrassed but you could tell he would rather not share that information. A single flashback of one of those dreams was enough to drive him to the edge. He thought that after leaving they would stop, but you keep appearing in the back of his mind like some kind demon, sent to earth just to torture him. You weren’t embarrassed either, you wished he could tell you more. “And the worst part is—that wasn’t all. I wish it were that simple. I wish I could just say that I’m only a man, and trust that at some point my dreams would stop. But even outside my dreams, you were still there, and you were funny and smart and you seemed to be the solution to all my problems. I don’t know, I keep wondering if I was nuts.”

You could only gaze at him, with your eyes wide and soft, absorbing every word. You had spent the whole summer with Yoongi and yet, you haven’t noticed his change at all. Yoongi wasn’t like other boys, he was composed, he knew how to controll himself, but you found yourself wondering what would’ve happened if he didn’t. You bit your lip, smiling. “And what about now?” You asked. “Did you come to a conclusion after all?”

“Yeah, a few” He nodded “I think I wasn’t crazy for dreaming of you, but I will be if I don’t take this dress off you.”

taglist: @kingofbodyrolls, @overtherainbow35, @namin13, @p34rluv, @moonchild1, @yoongisoftface , @namgihours @idkjustlovingbts , @yoongisducky , @bangtansmauyeondan , @tarahardcore @wobblewobble822 @secfir @ot72025 @baechugff @heroinanne @mortal-body-timelesssoul @hiii-priestess @wii-wii @jungkookies1002 @busanbby-jjk @acquiescence804 @yoongibaybee @hsbongwater @ot7stansthings @curiouslioncutie

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azullumi · 1 year ago

Text

“wine pon you” ; genshin men

summary — you play a little prank on him.

includes — various characters (w/gender-neutral reader) ; used ‘pretty’ to describe the reader once

tags — fluff, established relationship, not proof-read, all word vomit, a little bit suggestive ; scenarios

words — 1311

note — i am losing my mind school starts next week already

“stop,” you tell him, avoiding him as your lover dives in for a kiss, however, he doesn’t listen but rather, he goes in for another one. perhaps he thought he was going to be successful this time but confusion contorts his expression into one when you swerve and evade his approach.

“i have a boyfriend, remember?” you say to him whilst holding yourself back from laughing, before he realizes the act you were putting up. “so you can’t do that.” you added, grinning at him as your eyes sparkled in mischief.

he answered, smiling, “i’ll fight your boyfriend.” despite the nature of his words, there was no hint of malice in it, just playfulness lacing it.

“he’ll beat your ass.” you retort, a smug smile on your face and god, how much he loves you that he’s willing to play along with your antics. he adores seeing that amused expression on your face, the grin that you show him when you get the reaction you want, everything about you, there’s no inch of you that he doesn’t adore.

“oh, really?” he notes, voice low as his eyes gleamed with a dangerous light in it as he was getting more and more closer to you while you have nowhere to go.

“…don’t look at me like that.”

he hums, “like what? hm?” he didn’t even let you utter out a word of response before he pressed his mouth against yours without any form of interruption. satisfaction and affection oozing on his lips as he finally achieved what he had been wanting and his kiss was hungry as if he had been waiting for too long to taste you.

he tangles his hand in your hair, pulling you much closer to him and the moment where he picked you up in his arms was too quick for you to even realize it, not until he gently placed you down the bed. needless to say, you weren’t going to play such stunts on him anymore, not when he’ll tease you so much in return.

childe, kaeya, itto, dottore, kaveh, wanderer/scaramouche

“what?” he asks, confusion exudes from his words as he with his eyebrows knitted. he wasn’t sure if he was hearing you correctly or if his ears were playing tricks on him but it seems to be the former when you answered.

“i have a boyfriend,” you repeated, in a serious tone, emphasizing each one of your words as you spoke as if your boyfriend wasn't literally hovering over you on the bed with his arms placed on each side of your head and trying to get a kiss from you. “so you can’t kiss me.”

silence ensues and the gears in his head start turning as he realizes, eyes rolling for a moment. he finds it ridiculous but it’s not like he hates it, only choosing to indulge in your happiness, “he’s probably not that good.” was his response, his hand brushing a strand of hair away from your face to the side. the action itself was gentle and you would have just given in and kissed him but you can’t, you weren’t satisfied yet.

you counter, trying to keep the same tone of seriousness as you tried to put on a stern look, “he is. he’s the best i could ever ask for, he makes me happy.”

it was the truth, really. he’ll probably never know of warmth that spreads across your chest whenever you’re with him, or maybe he does.

“oh yeah?” he looked amused, happy even after hearing your response but he still continued, “he probably stinks.” he jeered which earned a chuckle from you, breaking the facade that you were trying to put up.

“he really does.” you say without faltering, almost like you were sincere. he exclaimed, rather loudly and disbelief, “excuse me?” and you couldn’t hold in the laughter that you were trying to contain in your throat, seeing nothing but only bliss and contentment in each moment that you spent with him.

kaveh, childe, kaeya, venti, wanderer/scaramouche

“i’m your boyfriend.” he answered, mimicking your serious tone as he spoke while he kept a stoic look on his face. he was stating the obvious, telling the truth, but right now, you were planning on messing around with him for a bit. why? you just wanted to see how he would react.

you immediately turn down his answer, “no, you’re not.” and hearing this only caused him to be confused and probably question himself, or maybe your behavior. doubt obviously seeps into his expression as he stares at your pretty face.

“i am. are you perhaps drunk?” concern drips from his words when he asked you the question, his demeanor shifting from an addled one to worry. but how could you be drunk? he doesn’t smell any alcohol from you and he hasn't seen you drink anything that resembles it.

“you’re not and i am not drunk,” you grin at him, by now, it should be clicking in his mind, in just a second now— “is this one of your so-called pranks once again?”

you took a second to answer, debating if you should tell him the truth or try to mess around with him more. “…maybe?” a hint of uncertainty was in your voice but also teasing in your tone as you dragged out the last syllable. he could only gaze at you with eyes full of warmth, “you’re so childish.”

“you love me though, right?”

“so much so,” affection dribbled from his voice while he was caressing your cheek gently. god, he will seek you among the stars and whisper ‘i love you’ to the infinity of your soul, he’ll hold you forever that not even death could bring you two apart, that’s just how much he adores you.

and you would have kissed him at that moment if not for the words he uttered next, “but i’m not your boyfriend,” he chaff, which earned a groan from you.

zhongli, xiao, alhaitham, cyno, dainsleif, albedo, tighnari

“oh really? does he kiss you like this?” he doesn’t take a second or two to answer, already knowing the intentions behind your words. he just knows you so much.

in line with his response, he pressed a sweet kiss on your lips, a short one but enough to convey his message. he holds both of your hands that were pressing against his chest with his own, tangling his fingers in yours.

he parts for a moment and muttered, “does he?” and even before you are given a chance to answer, he kisses you once again, this time much longer. the words you were about to say got lost in his tongue as he swipes it across your bottom lip in such a sensual manner.

it’s nice that he is willing to play along with you but archons, why does he have to be like this? getting back at you in such a cruel way—not like you hate it but god, you do. you hate how you love it.

he parts from your lips, breathing heavily and whispering, “does he get to see you like this?”

in opposition to your hate, he loves seeing you like this: sweet and lovely on the tips of his fingertips, and he knows he has you right where he wants you to be whenever he sees you in such a state. “hm? why are you not saying anything anymore?”

“…you’re so unfair.” you could only muster yourself to say, a pout seen on your lips after you spoke and he laughed softly at your response. he was weak, weak for you and you could say that he was putty at your hands—even if it’s not so obvious. you could ask him for anything and everything and he’ll give it to you.

“it’s your fault, love.”

diluc, ayato, kazuha, baizhu, pantalone, venti

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iluvapplesxh · 4 months ago

Text

⧽⧽⧽Behind The Scenes II. ⧼⧼⧼

✰ pair: billie eilish x fem!reader

✯ summary: The man you thought has finally stopped haunting you, suddenly gives you a call. And needless to say, he doesn't quite like it when you seek comfort from the one person you should've left out of this.

✰ warnings: stalking, a little bit of fluff, angst, blood, stabbing, intentions and attempt of kidnapping, mentions of vomiting, !ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! (5.8k+ words)

✯ part I.

✒ a/n: the fluff fics sitting in my drafts like: 😴. (I accidentally posted this when it was halfway done and almost had a panic attack)

The silence in your apartment was overbearingly loud as you sat by your kitchen counter. There was a glass in front of you, half empty, filled with some type of alcoholic drink you took out of your fridge. You hadn’t drunk that much, but your head was pounding while you rested it on your cold, clammy palms.

Gosh, why couldn’t you just get her out of your head? That stupid, worried expression she had been looking at you with a couple days prior. The soft crease in her brows, the pouty frown which had been so beautiful on those pretty pink lips. Or how her fingers had wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back against her. Close. So close you’d felt her breath on your skin before you’d painfully stepped away.

A long, soft breath slipped past your lips as you shook your head in hopes of making the thoughts vanish. But it was useless. You couldn’t just stop thinking about her. Not when the two of you parted ways so…stupidly.

But you weren’t in the wrong. You had a fucking stalker at the time. And you couldn’t just say no to him. Not when he had been threatening you with such things. But then again, you could have, no, should have told Billie. So why didn’t you? Maybe you were scared he’d find out somehow. Or maybe you were just a coward. Whichever, it wasn’t the right or your decision to make.

You perked up when your ears picked up the faint sound of your phone ringing in your bedroom where you had put it up to charge.

You pushed the glass in front of you away and stood with another heavy sigh. You slowly walked towards your bedroom, walking through the door and up to your bedside table where your phone was plugged in. But, when you stopped in front of the wooden furniture and your gaze fell on the bright screen of your phone -a tight contrast to the darkness in your room- and what you saw was; Caller ID: unknown.

Your brows knitted together and a lump formed in your throat at the realisation. Your jaw clenched tightly as you took a deep breath before picking up the device, unplugging it before accepting the call with a shaky thumb.

“Hello?”

Just about as soon as the word left your mouth, a dark chuckle came from your phone, making you cringe. “Hey, beautiful. How are you?” A rough, deep voice said. “Enjoying the single life?” He continued, a smug smirk noticeable in his tone even though you couldn’t see him.

You screwed your eyes shut for a brief moment before sceptical gazing towards your windows, covered by blinds. “What do you want?” You asked, your voice filled with confusion and anger. “You already destroyed my relationship. What else could you possibly want?” You all but pleaded in a desperate tone.

The man tutted loudly, a deep sigh leaving his lips. “Now, now. There are a lot of things I want” He paused dramatically for a moment before continuing. “You. for instance” He murmured lowly and a shiver went down your spine at his words. “But, not yet-”

You swallowed thickly around the lump in your throat, you gaze frantically shifting around your room. “Just…” You began speaking. “Leave me alone. Please”

Another dark chuckle followed your plea. “But, baby, I’m enjoying this way too much” You almost gagged at the pet name he used and your grip tightened around your phone. “And you will, too. In time” He said in a taunting tone. “Right now, you’re scared, sad, lonely…and alone”

Your whole body went rigid and all you could do was breathe heavily in and out your nose. “Not for long. Don’t worry, darling” He all but murmured into the microphone of his phone. “I’m coming”

Those words were the last thing you heard before the line cut off, signalling the end of the phone-call. You blinked multiple times, standing still for another moment or two before you turned around frantically, rushing out the bedroom and almost aimlessly going around the apartment as your chest started feeling tight.

Finally, you stopped in front of the dresser in the hallway and grabbed your car keys with a trembling hand. You took fast, big steps towards the chair you had been sitting on minutes before, your finger grasping the fabric of your sweater before pulling it on and striding towards your front door. Your phone slipped into your pocket and you hurriedly put on your shoes.

Your heart was thudding hard and loudly against your ribcage and with every breath you took it felt like it might be the last. You placed your hand on the door handle, hesitantly pushing it down before slowly pulling it open. You peaked your head out the barely open door, looking side to side in the hallway before letting out a shaky breath of relief when you saw nobody and heard silence.

You opened the door wider and stepped out of your apartment, your shoes thudding loudly against the newly renovated floor of the apartment building’s hallway, the sound echoing a little. You pulled the door shut behind you and turned around, locking it. You took another deep breath before pocketing your keys and taking hesitant but swift steps down the hallway.

Soon you were in the garage, anxiously glancing around as you took big steps towards your car in the far end of the building. Your hands were held in front of your torso, one grasping the other tightly. Your heartbeat echoed loudly in your ears, just as your ragged breaths did through the empty garage-considering the time-.

You were just about a few metres from your car when a loud bang echoed through the building, somewhere behind you. You turned around fast, eyes wide and heart beating in your throat as you eyes darted all over the place. The faint sound of footsteps approaching echoed and your heart almost jumped right out of your chest.

You didn’t think, you just swiftly turned back around, and ran to your car. You unlocked it and opened the door as the sound of the footsteps grew closer and heavier. Your hand shook as you placed the key to the ignition hole and twisted it before the same hand flew to the shift gear, gripping it and moving it. Your other hand pulled the door shut and moved to the steering wheel. Your foot stepped on the gas pedal hard and in a fast single motion your car flew towards the exit, tires screeching as you took the turn out onto the street before the car sped down the road.

It was only when you finally stopped at a red light that your heart rate slowed and your breathing became less ragged. You leaned your head back against the headrest and let out a shaky breath, shutting your eyes for a second.

You swallowed harshly before opening your eyes again, straightening up and placing both hands on the wheel, watching as the light turned green before you began driving again.

You didn’t know exactly where you were heading. You didn’t really care either. You just wanted to get away. Fast. So, did it surprise you when you ended up at Billie’s place? Kinda. Not really. After all, she's always been your safe place. A shoulder you could cry on. A pair of arms that would hold you close until your body stopped shaking in sync with your rough sobs.

Not anymore though. You’re not hers anymore. Not hers to hold. Not hers to comfort. You simply weren’t her problem anymore. And you didn’t know if rightfully so, but it hurt. So much.

But there were other things right now that you felt. Things that overpowered the feeling of hurt and guilt you felt whenever she was near you. Fear. A gnawing feeling of overwhelming fear and panic. You didn’t know if he was there earlier. You didn’t want to. And who knows, maybe he was, and he followed you here. And now not only were you in danger but so was the woman you loved with all your being.

Nevertheless, your car came to a halting stop by her home. You looked out the car window and a sigh left your lips when a couple of rain drops made the image of the house blurry. Your hand was placed on the key, and you twisted it once more, pulling it out as the dull rumble of your car’s engine stopped. Your bottom lip was tucked between your teeth as you gathered yourself before your hand reached for the door handle, pulling it and pushing the door open.

Immediately, as soon as you stepped out of the car, the now pouring rain drenched you. A shiver ran down your spine and you shut the door before locking the car once more.

A lump formed in your throat as you turned, glancing at the familiar house in front of you. The lights were on in the living room and you couldn’t help but let out a breath of relief. You took fast steps up the sidewalk then you approached the porch. Now, you stood in front of that door. Like you did so many times before. Of course, this was different. Because as your hand lifted, fingers tucked against your palm tightly and your thumb squeezed between them, ready to knock, suddenly you couldn’t.

It just didn’t feel right.

Maybe it was a horrible idea. Shit. What if he did follow you? No. No. You couldn’t be the reason Billie-...

Just as your fist dropped to your side again and your body turned to the side, the door swung open and you looked up with wide eyes. And you saw those blue eyes staring back at you, filled with confusion and a tinge of concern. Her brows were once again knitted together, a frown on her face.

You felt a raindrop run down your face as you turned, it felt like hours until the silence was broken. Her voice was just a little louder than the thudding of the rain against the roof of the porch.

“What are you doing here?”

The softness of her voice almost made you break down right then and there. You cleared your throat, suddenly finding your reasoning ridiculous and cowardly. You stayed quiet for a moment longer before the words formed in your brain and came out of your mouth.

“I-…He called me”

When the words left your lips, Billie’s heart rate sped up. A lump formed in her throat and she acted fast. “Alright. Alright. Come in” She grasped your arm gently, her fingers -now ringless- wrapping around you in an almost timid way. She pulled you inside and wordlessly shut the door behind you. Swallowing hard around the lump in her throat before she cleared it. She took in your drenched form and a shaky sigh left her lips.

“Uh, I’ll get you some clothes…” She said slowly, the awkward atmosphere suddenly overwhelming her. “You-...you can take a shower.”

You nodded and looked down beneath yourself, seeing the small pool of water around your shoes. “Yeah. Okay” The words were muttered silently and you hesitantly pushed off your shoes and began walking to the bathroom. When you arrived, you gently pushed the door open and stepped in, closing it behind yourself.

Billie’s eyes followed you as you took cautious steps towards her bathroom. When you disappeared out of her sight, she huffed and inhaled deeply. Then turned around and locked the front door in a swift movement.

Soon she was rummaging through her closet, searching for something for you to wear. In all honesty, you would happily wear anything she owned just to feel that comforting scent around you again even if just by wearing her clothes.

Billie’s hand ploddingly halted on one of her big T-shirts and she lifted it carefully, her breath catching in her throat when she looked at the article of clothing. Honestly, it wouldn’t have been anything special but, the way her mind almost immediately took her back to the numerous times you had worn this shirt of hers. It was a simple grey T-shirt with a small symbol on the left side of the chest area.

Billie gently placed the T-shirt on the bed behind her after shaking the thoughts out of her head and she turned back to the closet, now going through her pairs of pants. It didn’t take long before she settled on a pair of soft material blue baggy jeans and placed the folded clothing next to the T-shirt on the bed.

She decided you would need something for your bare foot, too and just simply placed a pair of socks next to the already laid out clothes. Then she closed the doors of her closet and when she turned around, her eyes were set on you. And her heart leapt into her throat as she took you in, standing there, just in a white towel around your body.

Your eyes shifted towards the bed slowly, a pang making your chest tighter when you see the grey T-shirt layed out on it. You heard Billie clear her throat and you gaze went back to her, watching as her hand flew up and rubbed the back of her head.

"Uh, you can change into those." She began, her eyes now burning holes into the wall next to you. "I'm gonna be in the living room" She walked to the door where you stood. You nodded your head silently and stepped inside.

You heard her footsteps disappear down the corridor and a soft sigh escaped your lips as you tilted you head back.

Your thoughts raced as you sat down on the bed. The mattress under you so soft and comfortable. The memories which came flooding back made your heart ache. You felt like you couldn't breathe for a second and it just got worse when you once more cast you gaze down at the clothes laid out next to you.

Tears brimmed your eyes but you blinked them away. God, you missed this. Seeing her. Wearing her clothes. Being with her. In this house. Home.

A shaky hand reached out and picked up the T-shirt, holding it up in front of you. You let out a shaky exhale before dropping the clothing on your lap and unwrapping the white towel from around your body. You quickly slipped the T-shirt on, it's sleeves reaching down to your elbows and the end of it bunching up a little around your hips.

Then you stood and slipped on the baggy jeans, too, pulling it up to your waist before buttoning it and putting on the pair of socks. When you were done, you turned and took a look at yourself in the mirror.

You hated this. You hated this because you looked like hers again. Looked like nothing ever happened. Like there wasn't a man out there, waiting for you to be alone. Her scent developing you like it has so many times before. It was so comforting, making your breath calm and your heart rate slow down.

You felt your eyes burn with unshed tears once more and you squeezed them shut for a moment.

It was so wrong. You shouldn't feel like this right now. Like you were hers. You weren't. She's just a good person. That's all there was to it.

You exhale loudly and open your eyes once more, not letting your gaze fall into the mirror in front of you, instead turning your body and beginning to walk out of the bedroom.

You made your way towards Billie’s living room, looking around the corridor. Pictures of Billie at various events or with her family adorned the walls, but you noticed a couple clearer spots in between them, like there had been pictures there, too, previously but it had been taken down. And you knew. Of course you did, after all it was so painfully obvious. Said pictures which Billie took down were of the two of you.

Your throat tightened up and you struggled to breathe for a long moment before you took a deep breath in through your nose and swallowed harshly. You continued making your way to the living room after.

When you arrived, you saw Billie looking out through the blinds, looking for something. Someone. You halted your footsteps with a tight, gnawing feeling of guilt in your chest. She shouldn’t have been in this situation. She shouldn't have to be worried, anxious that there was someone out there, lurking and waiting for you. Or her. But she was, and once again, you were to blame.

Billie’s head snapped back when she heard footsteps and let out a soft sigh when her eyes locked with yours. She let go of the blinds and turned around fully, taking in the sight of you in her clothes. Again. God, how she had missed this. You, coming over, sharing a wonderful evening with her and then getting comfortable on her sofa in her clothes, watching some random teen show on Netflix.

Billie cleared her throat and snapped her gaze away from you. “Uh…” She rubbed the back of her head, fingers tangling into her silky dark hair. “Would you like something to drink?”

The awkward politeness of her question made you want to run out of there and never come back. “No, I’m good. Thanks” You managed to mutter out while your eyes darted all over the room nervously.

A small silent ‘alright’ left Billie’s mouth before she looked to the side and gestured towards the L-shaped sofa which was pushed against the wall. “You wanna sit?”

“Sure”

The words abscond from your dry lips after a moment of hesitation and you turned, taking a couple steps towards the sofa and softly slumping down onto it. Billie followed suit, sitting down next to you at a respectful distance. Her shoulders were tense as she leaned back against the soft cushions. Your knee bounced up and down in an anxious and annoying manner, catching Billie’s attention.

Her hand twitched with the instinct to reach out and put it on your knee to stop the nervous habit, but she didn’t. And maybe it was for the better anyway.

After a long minute of stillness, Billie spoke up. “Can you tell me what he told you?”

Her words made your heart pick up its pace and you swallowed around the forming lump in your throat. You nodded reluctantly after a second. “Yeah” Your voice was a little hoarse and you shifted in your seat. “Well, uh he called me and just…I asked him what he wanted” You started, hearing the man’s words echo in the back of your mind. Billie tilted her head, brows knitted together while she waited for you to continue. “He said,” You cleared your throat. “There’s a lot of things he wants. For instance…me”

An almost inaudible gasp slipped past Billie’s lips before she bit down on her lower lip. “He what?” Her words were harsh, her blood boiling. You cast your gaze down at the rug and exhaled. Billie’s head shook in disbelief. “A-...and then?”

You took a deep breath before continuing. “He told me that I-...” Your tongue darted out, moistening your dried lips. “I won’t be alone for long…and he was coming”

Billie exhaled loudly and brought a hand up to her face, her index finger and thumb pressing harshly against her temple. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke. “Okay…” She started, swallowing hard. “Then you stay here and…we call the police”

Your head turned to her at the mention of the police. “What? A…-and say what? There is no valid reason for them to actually do something” You argue, clearly -and understandably so- frustrated. “At least not permanently.”

Billie screwed her eyes shut and groaned, running the hand down her face and letting it fall against her thigh. “Then I don’t know! I-...” She took in a deep, ragged breath. “I’ll talk to someone, okay? Tomorrow. Until then, you stay here.”

Your eyes studied Billie’s expression and your jaw clenched before breathing out slowly. “Alright…” You softly nipped at the inside of your cheek for a moment. “Thanks”

Billie’s expression softened and she nodded. “Of course. You’re welcome”

Soon after, Billie offered for you to spend the night in the guest bedroom of her house and you reluctantly agreed. So now, you stood by the door of the room, eyes watching Billie’s every movement as she set up the bed. Your thoughts were once more racing. What was going to happen after all this is over? Were the two of you going to go back to being distant and awkward and just overall strangers? Would this whole thing ignite a spark of fire in the both of you, and the next thing you know you’re resting in her arms again every night? Will you just become friends? Gosh, the seas of questions and possibilities made your head pound and your breathing unsteady while you stood by the door with your arms folded over your chest, your fingers mindlessly fumbling with the soft material of the grey T-shirt.

“Are you okay?”

The feeling of a warm touch on your arm made you snap out of your head and your eyes locked with Billie’s. You cleared your throat and glanced down at her hand on your arm for a moment before looking back up at her. “Yeah, uh…I’m good”

Billie’s own eyes went to her hand resting on your arm, your skin soft against her palm and she swallowed harshly before taking her hand back and letting it rest by her side. She turned her head back into the room as she nodded. “The bed’s set up”

You also nodded , a wave of disappointment flooding you when her touch no longer warmed up your skin. “Thanks.”

“Yeah…” Billie turned back and ran her hand through her dark hair. “I’m going to bed now, alright?” When you nodded your head again and stepped aside, she slipped past you and stood in the corridor for a moment, her eyes burning holes into the wall, staring at one of those empty spots before she glanced down the hallway and to her own bedroom.

“If you need anything just…come to me”

Her voice was soft and just above a whisper and it felt like pure heaven to your ears before you replied. “Okay.” When you responded, Billie hesitantly turned and began walking down the corridor.

You didn’t wait until she was in front of her door, instead you went right into the guest bedroom and shut the door behind you.

When Billie heard the door shut, she turned around a little, her eyes looking at the now closed door with sadness in them before a sigh left her lips and she turned back, walking to her room and also shutting the door behind herself.

To be completely honest, neither of you got any sleep that night. Billie laid in her bed, under her blanket and stared at her ceiling. She was worried. Scared, if you may. But not for herself. She couldn’t care less about that right now. There was a pervy psycho out there, hunting you. Well to be fair if she did get involved, she possibly could also be a target. All Billie wanted to do was to hold you close and never let go again, keep you close to her, hug you tight and keep you safe in her arms. To Kiss you reassuringly before whispering to you that everything was going to be okay.

But she couldn’t. Because you simply weren’t hers anymore. She had no right to hold you that close, to kiss you until you felt safe again. The only thing she could do was keep you safe. And she was going to. Maybe even until she draws her last breath.

You were just about in the same situation as Billie. You laid on the guest bed which felt a little rough, uncomfortable due to the lack of times it’s been used. And you could feel just about every molecule of the damn blanket on top of you and it made you sweat and your heart beat fast in an incredibly intolerable way. Your ears picked up on every sound that came from outside on the street, but it also didn’t quite reach your brain as it was clouded with overwhelming worry. Not for yourself, of course. All for Billie.

You didn’t get it. She was so insistent on you staying. She didn’t leave any room for argument after she suggested it for the first time. Even when you voiced your worries for her own safety. Why? Why? For what reason was it so important that you stay? For you, if it meant she’d be at least 5% safer, you’d have been out of there the moment she had pulled you inside from the pouring rain.

But, obviously, you didn’t. Not when she looked at you like that. Such sadness, worry and firmness etched onto her expression. So you stayed. And maybe, just maybe when or if the man would come, you’d be able to keep her safe. Out of reach for him. God, how you would just give your life for someone who possibly doesn’t even care like that anymore. But to be fair, you couldn’t be more wrong about that.

In the morning, your restless sleep was interrupted by the sound of knocking on the guest bedroom’s wooden door. With a painful groan into the pillow, your aching body got up from the concrete-like mattress and walked to the door, opening it up. Billie stood in front of you, now in a different outfit than last night which was quite possibly her night wear. Now, she was wearing white long sleeved T-shirt with red running down from its shoulders and to the end of its sleeves which reached just about the middle of her hands. A pair of baggy men’s shorts, its checked bottom hems reaching just past her knees and there was a small distance of skin between the shorts and the socks that were pulled up high. When your eyes went up again, noticing the red and black cap resting on her head, your eyes locked with her blue ones and you felt heat creep up your neck when you realised you’ve just checked her out.

Billie cleared her throat and nervously adjusted the thin, frameless glasses which sat on the bridge of her nose. “Hi.” Was all that came out of her mouth as she felt her own face heating. “I uh…did I wake you?” Okay, stupid question.

You shifted your weight from one leg to another and glanced back at the bed you’ve been laying on before looking back at Billie. “Oh, yeah. But it’s fine. I wasn’t exactly having a great time in my head” You tried to joke but when Billie’s expression softened your jaw clenched and you cast your gaze down. “What’s up?”

“I was just coming to tell you that uh,” Billie tapped her now once more, ring covered fingers against the side of her thigh. “I was called in for some work so…”

You looked up again and nodded, folding your arms over your chest. “Oh. Okay”

“I was thinking you could tag along”

At her suggestion, your brows furrowed and you hesitantly shook your head. “I-...I just don’t think that’s a good idea.” You struggled to voice your thoughts. “You know, the crowd” You muttered.

Billie inhaled sharply and nodded, shutting her eyes tightly for only a second before they met yours once again. “Right. Of course,” she nodded. “Sorry”

You bit down on your tongue harshly and swallowed hard. “I’ll just stay here” Billie nodded her head to your statement with a soft sigh.

“Yeah, good idea.” She took one last look at you before turning to the side. “I’ll be going then. I should only take a couple hours.” Her expression softened again and her hand itched to reach out. To take you in her arms and hug you goodbye. Maybe plant a kiss on your soft lips before walking away. “Call me if anything weird happens, alright?”

“Yeah. Okay. I will”

With those words of affirmation, she took a deep breath and walked down the hallway, turning and walking towards the front door. She slipped on her shoes and took her car keys before stepping out of the house with a heavy heart and a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.

–

Remember the words; ‘couple hours’? Yeah well, now it was 6PM and all you got was an; ‘hey, sorry I might be a little late. Lock the doors please’ from Billie. Your throat tightened up at the thought of being alone for so long. That message was 3 hours ago and now you were in Billie’s kitchen, having tried to eat something but the uneasy feeling in your gut pushed it all back right up so now you’re just leaning against the counter with your back to the entrance of the kitchen.

Something just didn’t feel right. And suddenly, you felt like you should’ve gone with Billie to the studio.

Or wherever it was she needed to go.

As you were dwelling in your thoughts of worry and uneasiness, you didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings. So, you didn’t even bat an eye when footsteps echoed down the hallways, growing closer and closer at a tauntingly slow pace. You could only feel the uneasiness grow and you shook your head in hopes of just letting it go, but you didn’t, not when suddenly you felt a presence close. Your body tensed suddenly and your eyes widened.

You hesitantly turn your body to the side and your heart jumps into your throat when you see someone. You couldn't see his face, there was this weird mask-like thing on his face. Then, you heard that disgusting chuckle rumble through his chest and you backed up as you shook your head.

“Hey, baby”

You swallowed hard as tears of fear welled in your eyes. You heard a quiet scoff leave his lips before he began taking large steps towards you. “Oh, are you not happy to see me?” His head tilted to the side and you just stood against the kitchen counter, frozen in place. The man exhaled loudly and tutted. “I thought I told you I was coming…why are you so surprised?”

Your breathing grew heavy and fast. “No…what do you want from me?” You pleaded out in a broken voice and the man now full on laughed before stepping close to you.

“You. Of course…”

Your head shook side to side rapidly and you tried to step away but when you felt the feeling of something cold and metallic against your midsection through your shirt your head shot down, the edge of the sharp knife glistening back at you as the kitchen lights hit it just right.

“It wasn’t a fucking question” He practically growled out into your face. “Not after you came here” He scoffed and took his gaze off you, looking around. “To that bitch’s house. Have you learned nothing, little girl?” He looked back at you and you could see the anger flaring in his dark eyes, you let out a whimper when the point of the knife pressed into you harder.

“Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry” Tears fell on your cheek as you begged. “Don’t hurt her, don’t-...”

“Shut the fuck up!” You flinched and nodded, heart thudding loudly against your chest. “Whether I hurt anyone or not…will simply depend on your decision, baby” His voice was once more low and somewhat calm when he spoke. “But whether I have to force you or not, you’re mine. Not hers. You understand?”

When you felt the tip of the knife press against your flesh through your shirt, piercing it, you whimpered again and nodded. The man chuckled again and nodded. “Good. Good. Such a good girl, aren’t you?” You grew nauseous at his words and you swallowed down your sobs.

“So,” He began speaking after a couple moments of listening to your helpless sobs with a satisfied grin behind the mask-like thing on his face. You felt his free hand wrap around your forearm, holding it tightly. “You’re gonna come with me…without as much as a squeak”

You were about to nod when both of your attention was drawn to the sound of an engine rumbling lowly and lights shone through the window as Billie’s car parked in the driveway. Your eyes widened and the man almost growled out. When his grip loosened and he took a step away from you, your whole body was trembling as you saw him move towards the front door which Billie was no doubt approaching.

No. No. No. No.

You didn’t think. Your body moved on its own and leapt forward, pushing the man into the counter. He let out a low groan before looking at you. “The fuck. Oh you wanna be disobedient?” He asked angrily before stepping towards you. Your heartbeat in your ears as you shook your head and sobbed, taking a step back before fleeing towards the living room.

The man didn’t waste a second and ran after you, and you didn’t get far before he tackled you and you were pushed face down onto the cold floor. You cried out when you felt your nose crack and blood almost immediately gushed out. The man swiftly turned you around as he got on top of you.

“Oh would you look at that?” He chuckled lowly. “I always knew you’d look even sexier with blood all over you” His thumb gathered some of the blood from your chin then put it against your trembling lips. “Come on” He muttered and you shook your head, tears mixing with the blood on your chin. He scoffed and forced his thumb into your mouth, harshly gripping your jaw and bringing your face up.

“Any moment, that little pop star of yours will walk in…” He whispered against your face. “And I will be long gone. But don1t worry. Not for long” He chuckled and pushed your face down roughly. Then you watched with blurry vision as he brought the knife up with his other hand and traced it on your side. “This is just for good measure, baby…this way she’ll know you’re mine” He growled before you felt the knife being brought down against your side, plunging inside fast and your vision blurred more as you screamed out in agony. The skin around the knife burned when he kept it in for a few seconds before pulling it out and you felt the as it was pulled out of your flesh, a disgustingly slushy sound leaving the wound as blood immediately poured and gushed out.

The last thing you felt was his weight lifting off of you while you laid there. You didn’t see where he went. Then you heard the front door slam and hurried footsteps approach before a loud voice shouted.

“Oh my God”

✒ a/n: oof...it got a little dark there. Anyway, the way 'Guess' ft. Billie has been on repeating on spotify is honestly unhealthy (i don't regret anything) Ahh the ending is so rushed. so sorry guys 🙏

➥ part III.

#billie eilish x reader #billie eilish x fem!reader #billie eilish fanfiction #billie eilish x you #billie eilish angst #Spotify

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genshinluvr · 2 years ago

Text

Caught in the Crossfire 3

Pairings: Kamisato Ayato x fem!Reader

Summary: You and Ayato were having a tea and snack break when you started to feel strange. You end up falling "ill" (although you felt fine despite having to visit the bathroom to empty your stomach every time you eat), and Ayato calls a doctor to get you checked up to see what was the cause of your sudden sickness.

Note: I was going to make a smut for this part, but I didn't have the time to type it out because of schoolwork, and because I was busy 🥹 Also, holy crap, I realized that it's been a year since the last "chapter" of Caught in the Crossfire 😭 well, this is the finale of Caught in the Crossfire! I might make an extra fic that has a smut, but I'm not 100% sure if that'll happen 🤔 Idk why I've been making fics that involve babies and pregnancies lately. But the mini-fic that I'm posting after this won't involve babies or pregnancies! I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: Mentions of vomiting, menstrual cycles, talks of infertility and pregnancy

Word Count: 7.3k

Caught in the Crossfire chapters: [1], [2], [3]

It’s been a few months since the incident with Yuki and her attempt to assassinate you. Ayato tightened security at the Kamisato estate and double-checked the servant’s backgrounds, making sure they weren’t spies working for the Takahashi clan. You weren’t allowed to leave the Kamisato estate without having security following you everywhere you went.

No matter where you go, without your knowledge, Ayato has the Shuumatsuban keep an eye on you in case anything happens while you’re not in his presence outside of the Kamisato estate. So far, Ayato’s plans have been going well. You’re unharmed, you’re safe, and nothing poses a threat to your safety.

You’re sitting in Ayato’s office, having tea with the head of the Kamisato Clan, who is also your fiancé and soon-to-be husband. The date of the wedding is getting close, and the both of you have the wedding venue, the decorations, and the flowers picked out. You’re supposed to go out into Inazuma City and have wedding gowns picked out next week. Needless to say, you’re excited but also anxious.

“Is there something on your mind, my love?”

You snap out of your thoughts and look at Ayato with wide eyes. Ayato looks at you curiously while taking a bite from the Dangos Thoma brought for your and Ayato’s tea time. You give Ayato a sheepish smile and grab the teacup, taking a sip. Ayato crosses his arms over his chest and watches you closely.

You put the teacup back on the saucer and dab the napkin over your lips. “Oh, forgive me, Ayato. I have some things occupying my thoughts at the moment,” you say softly.

Ayato looks at you curiously. “If you don’t mind me asking, what is it that’s occupying that pretty head of yours, dear?” Ayato asks, propping his elbow on the table.

You purse your lips. It’s not like Ayato is going to shame you or brush off your worries. The wedding is close; the closer the date gets, the more anxious you become. Sometimes you wonder how Ayato manages to keep his calm exterior when it comes to significant events such as your and Ayato’s impending wedding.

“I’m worried about not being able to find the perfect kimono on time before the wedding and dress rehearsal,” you reply. “Ayaka and I are supposed to go out into Inazuma City next week for the kimonos, but I worry I’m going to be too picky and end up not finding what I like.”

Ayato gives you a sympathetic look and reaches for your hand across the table, placing his hand over yours.

“It’s normal to feel this way, [Y/N]. If it helps, I can always have someone come over to the Kamisato estate with kimonos picked and ready for you to choose,” Ayato offers, smiling at you.

You purse your lips and chew on the inside of your cheek. “As tempting as that sounds, I don’t want you to get a peek at what kimono I choose!” You say. “It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

Ayato pulls away and crosses his arms over his chest with a defeated sigh. You snort and rest your chin on the palm of your hand, giving Ayato a triumphant smile. You know Ayato. He has been dropping not-so-subtle hints about wanting to know what kimono you’ll be choosing and wearing on your and his wedding day.

Ayato huffs softly, his bottom lip jutting out. “It seems like you know me too well, my love.”

You grin at Ayato and reach for the mochi. “Lord Ayato, as your soon-to-be wife, it’s my job to know my husband well, right?” You tease, taking a bite of the mochi.

“You’re correct, my love. I can’t believe I thought I could get past my intelligent wife,” Ayato bemoans.

You stare at Ayato, sitting back in your seat with your lips puckered. Ayato leans on the table, gazing at you through his long lashes. Archons, Ayato is so breathtaking. It’s almost unfair how your soon-to-be husband is an ethereal beauty. You can see why Yuki, ugh, Yuki, has a thing for your fiancé. Your expression sours almost immediately when Yuki comes across your mind.

“What’s with that expression on your face, dear? Are you thinking about Yuki again?” Ayato teases.

You huff and look away from Ayato. “That and it’s not fair that my husband is beautiful. His beauty outshines the seven wonders of Teyvat,” you murmur.

“It’s a pain to be a beauty sometimes. The burden I carry on my shoulders can get intense, and it’s not for the weak,” Ayato jokes, brushing his hair over his shoulder with a dramatic sigh.

You and Ayato snicker before continuing to eat the snacks Thoma brought for you and the Kamisato heir. While Ayato is talking about what he was doing before your arrival to have afternoon tea with him, you begin to feel strange. There’s this weird feeling in your gut, making you adjust yourself in your seat a couple of times, trying to see if the feeling would pass. You reach for the teacup and take a sip, hoping the tea will wash down the feeling of discomfort bubbling in your stomach.

“Dearest?” Ayato asks, grabbing your attention.

You look at Ayato, continuing to drink your tea. The two of you stare into each other’s eyes for who knows how long. You put your teacup on the saucer and wipe your lips, clearing your throat.

“Yes, Ayato?”

“Are you alright? You seem uncomfortable. Does it feel stuffy in the office?” Ayato asks.

You give Ayato a tight-lipped smile and shake your head. “No, no! The temperature in the office feels fine! Although, there’s this strange sensation in my stomach. I can’t explain it,” you say, rubbing your abdomen.

“You’re not getting sick, are you? How are you feeling right now?” Ayato asks, preparing to get up from his seat to be at your side.

You squint your eyes. “That, I’m unsure of. The Dangos and mochis taste divine as always, and I’m sure they’re not the reason why I’m feeling this way,” you reply.

Ayato looks at you closely. You do seem noticeably paler than usual, and your look almost sunken in. Ayato hums and gets up from his seat while you look at him quizzically. Ayato walks around the table and to your side, removing his gloves before pressing the back of his hand against your forehead.

“You feel a little bit clammy. Are you sure you’re not sick?” Ayato asks, pulling his hand away and putting his gloves back on.

You nod. “I’m sure I’m not sick. This strange bubbling in my stomach is making me want to….” you trail off and take a deep breath.

He hums and strokes his chin. “How about we end it here for today. You should get some rest. Maybe you’ll feel better once you get some rest,” Ayato suggests, holding his hand out.

You reach for Ayato’s hand and let him assist you. You weren’t sure why you were feeling ill all of a sudden— it’s strange and so sudden. You felt fine the day before, and the bubbling in your stomach came out of the blue.

You’re certain the Dangos and mochis didn't make you feel strange. You had Dangos and mochis for a snack the day before, and you felt okay! Whatever it is, you hope it’s nothing serious and that it’ll go away by tomorrow. You and Ayato walk to the door with your arms linked together and you almost leaning against Ayato. The door slides open, revealing Thoma holding a plate that contains more snacks.

Thoma’s eyes widen, and he takes a step back. “Lord Ayato and Lady [Y/N]! May I ask where the two of you are going?” Thoma asks, looking at you and Ayato curiously.

You snort and shake your head. “Thoma, you’ve always called me [Y/N]. Why the formalities now?” You ask, giving Thoma a small smile.

“That is false! I called you ‘my Lady’ once!” Thoma says, propping one hand on his hip while grasping the snack tray with the other. “Now, uh, where are you two going? You two didn’t finish the snacks I brought in previously,” Thoma says, peering over your and Ayato’s shoulders and peeking inside Ayato’s office.

Thoma moves out of the way when you and Ayato step into the hallway of the Kamisato estate. Ayato gestures for Thoma to follow along while escorting you to your and Ayato’s shared bedroom. Thoma follows you and Ayato in silence. Thoma couldn’t help but watch how Ayato is holding you. It’s cute how you and Ayato have gotten close since the first two incidents with the Takahashi Clan— well, the Yuki situation, to be more specific.

Thoma’s glad that you and Ayato are closer than ever and that there isn’t any awkward tension between you two like the first time. Approaching your and Ayato’s shared bedroom, Ayato slides the door open. Sunlight peeks into the room through the thin curtains, illuminating the once-dark bedroom.

You sit on the edge of the bed and take your slippers off. Ayato sits beside you and watches you get under the covers and snuggle into the pillow. Ayato brushes the stray hairs away from your face and gives you a warm yet concerned smile. You smile at Ayato in return and place your hand over his, giving his hand a light squeeze.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Ayato. I’m sure I’ll be okay once I get some rest,” You murmur.

Ayato lets out a long sigh and gives you a strained smile. “I know, sweetheart. Can you blame me for worrying about you?” Ayato chuckles.

You stare at Ayato, keeping your hand over his. Your gaze falls to Ayato’s lips, watching them tremble. You toss the blanket off your body before sitting up and pulling him into your arms, pressing your lips against his jawlines. You rest your head on Ayato’s shoulders and close your eyes, breathing in his cologne. Ayato wraps his arms around your waist, kissing the top of your head and forehead.

You whisper, “I don’t blame you for worrying about me, Ayato. But I can assure you that I’m okay! If that doesn’t quell your worries, then you can have Thoma bring medication for me if you want,” you suggest.

“What medication should we give you when we don’t know the issue?” Ayato frowns.

You shrug your shoulders, laying back on the bed and pulling the blanket over your body. “I don’t know. Medication for my stomach? It’s still bubbling, but I’m hoping it’s those diarrhea bubbling,” you comment.

Thoma snorts before laughing while Ayato tries his best to keep a straight face. Ayato sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, looking away from you while holding himself back from laughing with Thoma. Ayato takes a deep breath and turns to look at you while you look at him with a sheepish smile.

You clear your throat. “Now that I think about it, the feeling can be from me eating too much spicy food last time,” you said, scratching your cheek.

Thoma nods in agreement. “That’s a huge possibility. We did have a hot pot challenge last time, too, and you know how that ended up for me,” Thoma says with wide eyes.

Your face pinches up, and you nod. “Yeah, you had stomach pain for the next two days,” you reply.

Ayato looks at you and Thoma worriedly, rubbing his temples afterward. You did eat a lot of spicy food not too long ago, and the strange bubbling sensation in your stomach is most likely from the amount of spice you’ve ingested. There’s nothing more than that, right? Ayato’s praying to the electro archon, hoping it was the spice that’s affecting your stomach and not something worse.

“Well, even if you did eat something spicy, I’ll have Thoma bring medication and some water for you after you wake up from your nap,” Ayato says, tucking your hair behind your ears.

Ayato gets up, ready to leave the room, but you grab his arm to stop him. Ayato looks at you curiously, and you pout, pointing at your lips. Ayato chuckles, leans over you, and presses a soft kiss on your pouty lips. Thoma looks away and clears his throat as if he isn’t in the same room as you and Ayato.

Ayato pulls away from your lips, pecking your lips one last time before walking to the entrance of your and his shared bedroom. You snuggle into your pillow and close your eyes after hearing Ayato slide the bedroom door close.

Ayato and Thoma walk through the estate’s hallway in silence. Ayato sighs and crosses his arms behind his back, stopping in his tracks and turning to look at his blond retainer. Thoma stops beside Ayato and looks at him curiously.

“Please get some medicine for [Y/N]’s, I’m assuming, tummyache. Have her take her medicine once she wakes up from her slumber,” Ayato instructs.

Thoma nods. “As you wish, my Lord!” Thoma bows to the Kamisato heir before walking off while Ayato returns to his office.

Since that day, the rumbling in your stomach seems to have worsened. You can barely hold down your lunch and would take frequent stops to the bathroom to empty your stomach. Of course, Ayato wasn’t there when you were throwing up. You didn’t want to tell Ayato about it because he already has too much on his plate, and if you were to tell him about barely holding down your lunch, it’d stress him out even more.

You would rather tell Ayato about it once he’s not stressing out about paperwork and meetings with other clans. Ayaka, however, wasn’t too pleased when you told Ayaka to keep it a secret from her brother. It’s not like you wanted to keep it from Ayato. The man already has so many things to worry about, and your health shouldn’t be one of them.

Ayaka sits across from you in your and Ayato’s shared bedroom. You didn’t have the energy to leave the bed this morning because you felt nauseous. Thoma noticed that you didn’t leave your room and tried to get you, but you refused to leave and asked Thoma to tell Ayaka to stop by your room.

“[Y/N], you must tell my brother. You’re his fianceé! If you continue to hide it from Ayato, it’ll make him question whether you trust him or not,” Ayaka says.

“I do trust him! I don’t want to be a burden like last time.” You say, frowning at the girl in front of you. “I don’t want to be a distraction from his duties, nor do I want him to neglect his job to be at my side.”

Ayaka sighs, slumping in her seat. “[Y/N]... this week is when you’ll be picking out kimonos for your and Ayato’s wedding. We can’t have a sickly bride be out and about away from home. Just what will the citizens of Inazuma think when they see the wife of Kamisato Ayato faint in the city?” Ayaka asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

She has a point there. If your condition worsens, many people will spread rumors about you and Ayato. People might assume he’s a neglectful husband who only cares about his job more than his wife’s health. You can’t have his reputation ruined because of you. You sigh in defeat and nod, gesturing for Ayaka to get her brother.

Ayaka gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before getting up from the bed and walking out the door. You press your back against the headboard, pulling the blanket up to your mid-torso. Not long later, Ayaka and Ayato walk into the room. Ayaka gives you and Ayato a smile before walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Ayato sits at the edge of the bed beside you, grabbing your hand. “Ayaka told me you wanted to see me and that it’s an urgent matter,” Ayato says.

Well, shit. If Ayaka said that it was an urgent matter, then this is going to put you in a difficult position. Kind of. How are you going to tell Ayato that your health has been declining since the last time you and he had afternoon tea in his office without freaking him out?

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Ayato’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts.

You give Ayato a weary smile and squeeze Ayato’s hand. “I don’t know how to say this without hurting you. I don’t want you to get upset with me, but if you do get upset with me, it’s understandable,” you murmur.

Ayato looks at you with confusion. “Well, whatever it is, I’m not going to get upset with you.”

“I haven’t been feeling well recently. I feel fine? But I haven’t been able to hold down my lunch. Whenever I eat, I have to,” you make a gesture, “throw it up. I can barely eat without having to empty my stomach not long after.”

“Dearest, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Ayato asks.

“I didn’t want to distract you from your duties, Ayato. You have important responsibilities to tend to, and I didn’t want to be a burden.”

Ayato cups your face and tilts your head up. Ayato stares into your eyes with a frown before leaning in and kissing your forehead. Ayato pulls you onto his lap and strokes your hair, resting his chin on your head.

“You will never be a burden to me, my love. I would rather have you tell me what’s going on than you hiding it from me as it worsens. Please don’t keep anything from me, [Y/N]. I’m your fiancé, your soon-to-be husband. As your husband, it’s my duty to protect you from any harm,” Ayato says.

You snuggle against Ayato and close your eyes. “Like how you have the Shuumatsuban follow my every move when I’m out of the Kamisato Estate?” You ask, peeking up at Ayato.

Ayato freezes and slowly looks at you. You give him an expectant look, waiting for him to answer your question. Ayato gives you a fake smile and tightens his grip around you, pressing a kiss on your head once more.

“Oh, will you look at that? I shall go fetch the doctor to get you checked up. I don’t think it’s too late for the doctor to come over. After all, it’s still early in the morning, and the sooner you get the check-up, the sooner we know what’s going on.” Ayato clears his throat.

He gets up abruptly and walks out of your and his shared bedroom without sparing you a second glance. You snort and plop on the bed, tossing the blanket over your body. At least Ayato didn’t get upset over the fact that you hid your “sickness” from him. While laying in bed and waiting for Ayato to return— well, you’re not sure if he’s going to return to the room or not— the bedroom door slides open, and Thoma peeks into your room.

“Hey, [Y/N]! How are you feeling? Ayato looks stressed out,” Thoma says, entering the room.

You sit up. “Stressed out? What do you mean by stressed out? He seemed fine when he left the room to call the doctor,” you say.

“Oh! So that’s what he’s stressing out over! But to answer your question, Ayato ignored me when I tried to speak to him not long ago. He was muttering something about you, and then he didn’t respond after I called him before he entered his office,” Thoma replies, shrugging his shoulders with a sigh.

You hug your legs to your chest and rest your chin on your knees. “I’m not sure if Ayaka has informed you about it, but I haven’t been feeling well lately. I can barely keep the food down when I’m eating.”

Thoma nods and leans on the wall. “Yes, Ayaka has made a passing comment about it, but she never really told me the situation. She only mentioned you not feeling well,” replies Thoma, “Anyway! You never answered my question.”

You shrug your shoulders. “I feel meh? If that’s an accurate way of describing how I feel right now. Other than having to empty my stomach whenever I eat, I feel okay. To be honest, I’m not even sure if ‘okay’ would be a good way to describe how I feel.” You mutter, closing your eyes.

“I’ll let you rest.” Thoma pats your head and gives you a sympathetic smile before leaving the room.

Once Thoma left the room, you collapsed back onto the bed and closed your eyes. A wave of nausea hits you hard, causing you to yank the blanket off your body before you sprint to the bathroom to empty your stomach. Even if you emptied your stomach a while ago, you somehow still managed to vomit something. You flush the toilet and close the lid, resting your head on it with a defeated sigh.

You didn’t keep track of how many times you’ve vomited, but you know it’s not normal to be throwing up this much. Especially when you’re a healthy person with no illness. You get up from the ground and walk slowly back to your and Ayato’s bed, plopping face down on the mattress. Your abdomen feels sore, and you just want it all to stop. You close your eyes and drift off to sleep, still face down on the bed.

When you come to your consciousness, you see Ayato hovering above you, gazing down at you worriedly. You blink at him and rub the sleep from your eyes. For some reason, your arms feel heavy, and you can barely lift them to your face.

“Archons, my love. You’re making me very worried,” Ayato sighs, pressing his forehead against yours and exhaling through his nostrils. “Are you alright?” Ayato murmurs, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

You shake your head and stretch your arms above you. “Before I fell asleep, I threw up again. My abdomen is also sore from how many times I’ve thrown up.” You reply, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and sitting up with help from Ayato.

“The doctor will arrive shortly. Do you think you can remain conscious until he leaves?” Ayato asks, brushing your hair away from your face.

You nod. “I’m sure I can.”

You lay in bed with Ayato at your side, holding your hand while talking about his day and the paperwork he filled out before Ayaka called him to your and his bedroom to speak. You can’t help but stare at Ayato’s pretty face. The mole under his lips, his long eyelashes, and the soft gaze he has whenever he looks at you. You feel your heart melt each time he asks you if you’re okay, stroking your cheek with a gentle yet worried smile.

After what felt like forever, a knock came at the bedroom door. Ayato gets up from his spot and walks to the door, sliding it open. Thoma gives you a smile from over Ayato’s shoulders before looking at Ayato, nodding to the blue-haired man.

“The doctor’s here. Do you want me to let him into the estate and walk him to the room?” Thoma asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Ayato shakes his head. “No, no, it’s fine, Thoma! Thank you for offering, but I will be the one to do it.”

Thoma nods and moves to the side, letting Ayato leave the room and walk to the entrance of the Kamisato estate, where the doctor and Ayaka are conversing. You roll over to your side and hug the extra pillow to your chest, looking at the calendar on the wall. You only have two days left to mentally prepare yourself for the search for a kimono. A week has nearly gone by, and you’re still feeling unwell.

You’re going to have to stop by the shrine to pray and make an offering to the electro archon and hope for the best. The wedding is so close, and you refuse to be sick on an important day. That, and you’re also hoping you won’t have to stop by a nearby store to throw up— that would be embarrassing.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Ayato enters the room with the doctor following behind. The doctor gives you a polite smile and bows in your direction. You smile at the doctor and awkwardly bow back to him. The doctor sets down his bag on a nearby chair before walking over to where you’re sitting.

“Hello, Lady [Y/N]. I am Doctor Sato. It’s nice to meet your acquaintance! Your husband has informed me about your sudden illness,” says Doctor Sato, putting his glass on.

You nod. “Yes, but I’m not sure if I should consider it an illness. While I feel physically fine, I haven’t been able to eat anything without vomiting it back up.” You said, taking the blanket off and turning to face Doctor Sato, now sitting at the edge of the bed.

Doctor Sato nods and strokes his chin, looking at you and Ayato. “How long has this been going on for?” Doctor Sato asks.

You gnaw the inside of your cheek. “It has been going on for nearly a week,” you reply.

“Are there any other symptoms aside from vomiting?” asks Doctor Sato.

You cross your legs and hum to yourself, tapping on your legs while trying to remember if there were anything else aside from vomiting. You can’t really mention a sore abdomen since it’s caused by you vomiting more than you would like to.

“I have been feeling quite fatigued lately. No matter how long I slept, I would wake up feeling lethargic. Sometimes I would feel a little bit sore, but it would go away after a few days. Some of these things happened prior to me vomiting and not being able to hold down the contents in my stomach.”

Doctor Sato nods and taps on his chin as he listens to you explain your situation and the symptoms you’ve been experiencing for the last, maybe, two weeks. Your symptoms didn’t sound severe, but it’s not normal for you to be throwing up often.

“When was the last time you had your menstrual cycle, Lady [Y/N]?” Doctor Sato asks suddenly.

You jolt at the sudden question, and your face heats up. Did he really need to ask you that out of nowhere? Then again…. When was the last time you had your period? I mean, with you going through the traumatic events with the Takahashi Clan and Yuki, you’ve been stressing out a lot because you’re constantly looking over your shoulders.

You shrug your shoulders. “I can’t remember when was the last time I had my cycle. I didn’t keep track of it, really.”

Doctor Sato sighs and tucks his hands into his pockets. “Alright, well, since we don’t know when was the last time you had your menstrual cycle…. When was the last time you and your husband had sex?”

Now it’s your and Ayato’s turn to become flustered. Ayato looks away, coughing into his fist, his cheeks bright red. You press your lips into a thin line and tap on your lap. You try to think back to when you and Ayato got physically intimate. It wasn’t that long ago. Although it certainly didn’t happen the day you had that stomach rumbling for sure.

You and Ayato try to think back to the last time you and he had sex. It was before your stomach had this strange bubbling in your stomach. It was when you were feeling fatigued and sore all of a sudden. Or, at least, that’s what you can recall so far.

“We…” Ayato clears his throat, looking away from Doctor Sato while trying to keep his composure, “We had sex almost two weeks ago.”

Doctor Sato hums and nods. “Interesting…. And you didn’t have your cycle then?” Doctor Sato asks, turning to look at you.

“No, I didn’t have my menstrual cycle then.”

“I might have an answer to what could be the cause of your sudden ‘illness,’ but I don’t want to assume.” Doctor Sato mutters.

The older man walks to his bag and begins digging through it. Ayato walks over to where you’re and sits beside you, placing a hand on your knees and giving your knees a light squeeze of reassurance. You give Ayato a weak smile and rest your head on his shoulders after scooting closer to him.

Doctor Sato pulls something out from his bag and walks to where you and Ayato are sitting. Doctor Sato stops before you and holds out an object in front of you. You grab the object and inspect it. A pregnancy test. Your and Ayato’s eyes widen at the sight of the pregnancy test in your grasp. You look at Doctor Sato, speechless. Ayato stares at the stick in your hand, refusing to take his eyes off the item.

“Your symptom sounds eerily like pregnancy. While I am a doctor, I can’t take all of your symptoms and narrow it down to pregnancy yet because menstrual cycles do have similar symptoms as well. While many women don’t vomit when they’re menstruating or close to their menstruation cycles, some do. I would know because my wife is one of them,” says Doctor Sato.

You turn to Ayato. “Could it be?” You whisper.

Ayato shrugs, still focusing on the stick in your hand. “I don’t know, my love. You tell me,” Ayato murmurs. “Whatever the results are, I just want you to be okay.” His eyes flickered up to your face, leaning in and pressing a kiss on your cheeks.

It didn’t matter if you ended up being pregnant or if it was a pregnancy symptom. As long as you weren’t being poisoned or targeted in any way, Ayato didn’t care. He needs some kind of confirmation that you’re not being attacked. You give Ayato a small smile and kiss his cheeks before getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom to use the pregnancy test.

You close the door and lock it. The pregnancy test looks intimidating, and you can’t help but wonder if being pregnant is a possibility. It would make perfect sense! Plus, you and Ayato did have sex a few times after the Yuki situation, and your period is late.

You quickly take the pregnancy test and set it on the counter before flushing the toilet. You unlock the bathroom door and step out of the bathroom. You nearly shriek when you see Ayato leaning against the wall rather than sitting on the bed waiting for you. Ayato cracks a smile and walks to you.

“Did I scare you?” Ayato asks sweetly, blinking at you owlishly.

You huff and lightly whack his arm as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, swaying you side to side. “Yes, you scared me! I thought you were sitting on the bed waiting for me.” You grumble, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Apologies for that, my love. I didn’t want to wait on the bed.” Ayato murmurs, pressing his lips on the top of your head.

You look around the room, only to realize the doctor isn’t in the room. You look at Ayato with a questioning gaze while Ayato looks at you. “Where is Doctor Sato? Did he leave already?” You ask.

Ayato shakes his head. “Doctor Sato has excused himself to use the bathroom in the hallway. I had Thoma show him where the bathroom is,” replies Ayato. “It would be odd if the doctor leaves before we know the result of the pregnancy test.”

“What are you hoping the results be?” You ask, pressing your cheek against Ayato’s chest. “I’m just hoping the vomiting stop because the lack of nutrients in my body is making me feel very weak.”

Ayato kisses your head. “The results don’t matter to me, but….” Ayato trails off.

You look at Ayato curiously. “But….” You raise your eyebrows at him.

“I hope you’re okay, and it’s not something I’m fearing,” Ayato says, letting out a shaky sigh.

You didn’t question him. As much as you wanted to know what he’s implying, Ayato looks stressed out and worried. If you were to press him about it, it would stress him out even more. He has paperwork to complete, and you have shopping to do for your and Ayato’s impending wedding ceremony. The bedroom door slides open, and Doctor Sato walks into the room with Ayaka and Thoma trailing behind him.

“Oh, Ayaka and Thoma! What a pleasant surprise to see you two accompanying Doctor Sato.” Ayato says casually, tightening his grip around your waist while giving Ayaka, Thoma, and Doctor Sato a smile. Doctor Sato walks over to where his bag lays and begins going through it while Ayaka and Thoma stand before you and Ayato.

Ayaka smiles and rubs her arm shyly. “Thoma and I heard that [Y/N] took a pregnancy test. We got curious and wanted to know the results,” says Ayaka.

Thoma scoffs playfully and nudges Ayaka. “We? Last time I checked, it was you that came up to me and asked if I could go with you to ask Lady [Y/N] what the results are,” Thoma chuckles.

Ayaka grumbles and looks away from Thoma, huffing and muttering under her breath. You and Ayato trade look with each other.

You give Ayaka a sympathetic smile. “I haven’t gotten the results yet, but when I do, I’ll let you all know what it is.” You say, nodding.

Everyone sits around your and Ayato’s bedroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to give you the result. While waiting for the results, Thoma is about to get snacks and drinks for everyone as you’re all waiting around, but Ayaka stops him and tells Thoma that eating in a bedroom would attract ants into the bedroom.

You walk to the bathroom and grab the pregnancy test without looking at the results. You walk back to the bedroom with the pregnancy test behind your back, giving Thoma, Ayaka, Ayato, and Doctor Sato an anxious smile.

“Are you guys ready for the results?” You ask, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet.

“Ready as we’ll ever be!” Thoma replies, giving you a thumbs up and a big smile.

You hold the pregnancy test up to your face and read the results. Negative. You’re not pregnant. For the first time in a while, you feel your heart sink into your stomach. Ayaka frowns and is immediately at your side, placing a comforting hand on your back. Ayaka looks at the results and at Thoma and Ayato, shaking her head.

“The results are negative. I guess the symptoms I’ve been feeling for almost two weeks are menstrual cycle symptoms.” You murmur, letting your hands fall to your sides, the pregnancy test still in your grasp. “And not pregnancy symptoms.”

“At least we know what the cause of your sudden ‘illness,’ right? I’ll make you some ginger tea for you if you’d like me to.” Thoma offers, getting up from his seat.

You give Thoma a fake smile and nod. “That would be nice. Thank you, Thoma.”

Thoma bows to you before exiting the room. Doctor Sato ends up leaving after instructing you on what you should and should not do when you’re close to your menstrual cycle. You drown out the explanations, nodding your head and acting like you’re listening even though you aren’t mentally there.

Ayaka excuses herself to give you and Ayato privacy after Doctor Sato leaves, leaving you and Ayato alone in your shared bedrooms. You collapsed on the bed, slumping over and covering your face with your hands. Ayato wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you against his chest. You rest your head against Ayato’s chest, listening to his heart beating against his chest. One day, it’ll be the baby’s heartbeat you and Ayato are hearing.

“I’m not pregnant. So there’s that.” You mutter, looking at the pregnancy test in your hand. “At least we know what’s going on with me.”

Ayato rests his cheek on your head, closing his eyes while rubbing your back. “Tell me what’s on your mind, my love. I hate seeing you heartbroken.” Ayato whispers.

You run your tongue over your teeth and shake your head, refusing to answer. You’re afraid if you tell Ayato that you’re disappointed that the results weren’t positive, you will burst into tears. Your biggest fear, other than losing Ayato and someone putting a target on your back, is not being able to have children. While it’s not your duty to have kids, you want to have kids.

“Sweetheart, please don’t keep it to yourself. You’ll only hurt yourself even more,” Ayato whispers, tightening his grip around you.

You bury your face against Ayato’s chest and take a deep breath to calm your nerves. You love Ayato, and you’re going to be his wife very soon! But being a wife of a prominent figure in Inazuma and not being able to produce heirs and heiresses? People in Inazuma will talk, and some will say that Ayato will need to find another woman that can give Ayato children or suggest Ayato have a concubine. You’re not infertile, or at least you’re hoping you’re not infertile.

This is the first negative pregnancy test. It’s not like there will be more negative pregnancy tests after this one, right?

You pull away from Ayato and wrap your arms around yourself. “If I’m not able to… bear children, are you going to divorce me and find someone else that can?” You whisper, looking at the ground.

“Sweetheart, I’m not going to do such a thing. I don’t care whether you can bear children or not.” Ayato says, cupping your face in his hands and wiping a stray tear that made its way down your cheek. “You have nothing to worry about, my love. I won’t do such a thing, ever.”

You laugh weakly and place your hand over his, giving him a weak smile. “I… was hoping the results came out positive. But to my disappointment, the results came out negative.”

“It’s okay to feel disappointed, my love. Please don’t assume the worst because of one negative test result. There’s always time for us to try,” Ayato gives you a reassuring smile.

You stare at Ayato, trying to read his facial expression. While he has a smile on his face and is comforting you, you know this hurts him as much as it hurts you. You can see the sadness in his eyes, his lips slightly quivering while trying to keep a strong front. You wrap your arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

“Ayato?” You whisper.

Ayato clears his throat and strokes your hair. “Yes, [Y/N]?”

You bury your face against Ayato’s chest and breathe in his cologne. “I love you.” You peek up at Ayato and reach up, stroking his cheek.

“I love you too,” Ayato hugs you tightly and kisses your head. “I love you so much.”

Your “illness” ended up going away a few days later, much to your and Ayato’s relief. You went to the famous kimono shop in Inazuma City with Ayaka and a few securities at your and Ayaka’s side. While you and Ayaka were out in Inazuma City buying kimonos for your and Ayato’s upcoming wedding ceremony, you couldn’t help but feel self-conscious due to the number of stares you and Ayaka received.

“I never understand why people like to stare at others. It’s rude,” you mutter to Ayaka, your eyes scanning the kimono shop, searching for the perfect one. “I don’t know if I can stay out any longer if the staring progresses.”

“I know how you feel. I always feel nervous when I’m in Inazuma City by myself. People would approach me, stare at me, and whisper about me to the person they’re with. It does get uncomfortable,” Ayaka says, giving you a sympathetic smile. “Anyway, if you’re not able to find a kimono for the wedding, we can always hire someone to stop by the Kamisato estate to get your measurements and make you a kimono.”

You hum and tap on your chin. “I think I like that option better. As much as I loved looking at the beautiful kimonos on display, I don’t think I’ll find the perfect kimono for the wedding here.” You sigh, turning to look at Ayaka with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for wasting your time, Ayaka. We came here to search for a kimono for my wedding, only to come out empty-handed.”

Ayaka shakes her head and links her arms with yours. “Please don’t apologize for anything, [Y/N]. You were feeling uncomfortable because of the number of stares we were getting, and you’ve been going through a last the past two weeks. Let’s go back to the estate! I’ll have someone come by tomorrow to get your measurements,” says Ayaka.

Later that night, you’re sitting at your vanity, brushing your hair before going to bed. You hear the bedroom door slide open. You look in the mirror to see Ayato closing the door behind him. You put your hairbrush on the vanity, resting your cheek on your fist with a sigh. The wedding ceremony is so close, and yet you still haven’t gotten your kimono. You pray to the electro archon that the tailor will make your kimono on time before the wedding.

Ayato wraps his arms around your shoulders and leans down, pressing a kiss on your neck. “Ready for bed?” Ayato whispers, gazing at you through the mirror.

You rest your head on Ayato’s chest and close your eyes. “I am. Are you ready for bed?” You ask, opening your eyes and tilting your head up to look at him.

Ayato hums. “I am,” Ayato replies, pressing another kiss on your cheek. “Ayaka told me what happened today.”

You sigh and got up from your seat, pushing the bench under the vanity. “I feel bad for wasting Ayaka’s time. We only looked around. We didn’t get to pick anything out to see or buy for the wedding,” you mutter, turning to Ayato.

Ayato pulls you into his arms and peppers kisses down your neck. “I’m sure Ayaka doesn’t mind, my love. After all, she did inform me that tailors will be coming over for your measurements tomorrow. There’s always a solution to every problem, sweetheart.” Ayato whispers into your ears.

You wrap your arms around Ayato’s waist and snuggle up against his chest. You close your eyes and run your hands up and down Ayato’s back. “Ayato?”

“Yes, my love?” Ayato brushes your hair from your shoulders.

You pull from Ayato’s arms and look at him, playing with the hem of his shirt. “What would you say if I want to try for a baby?” You ask.

Ayato chuckles and pinches your cheek. “Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to it.” Ayato replies.

“Let’s try for a baby.” You blurt out.

Ayato looks at you with wide eyes. “Right now?” Ayato asks.

“We can try any time, really. We don’t have to do it tonight.” You shrug your shoulders, looking away from Ayato.

Ayato tilts your head up and presses his lips against yours. You press your hand on Ayato’s chest before slipping your hands under his shirt. Ayato presses your body against him, slowly backing you up to your and his shared bed. The back of your knees press against the edge of the bed, and Ayato lays you down on the bed, his lips ghosting over your neck while caging you against the bed.

“Remember to keep your voice down. We wouldn’t want to wake Ayaka and Thoma from their sleep.” Ayato whispers into your ears, kissing your jaws.

Note: Sorry, I had to end it there ;v; I'll make a smut spin-off for this fic if you're all interested in that. If not, I'll just keep it as it is and finish Caught in the Crossfire here. This week has been nothing but tests, essays, and memorizing my lines for my and my partner's presentation. A lot has been going on, pretty much. I'm about to be in the middle of the spring quarter, and more things are going to pop up soon for school 🥲 Anyway, I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Taglist for my overall fics: @chirikoheina, @deartoru, @luminarymoonlight, @exhaustedcommunist, @mompt2, @hispasian-otaku, @juuuuuj101010, @samarill, @testsubject0012, @irisxiel, @kazuhaprnt, @emilymikado, @vinnie-w, @bajifairyy, @blesstosuisen, @goldeneclipsedragon, @jjvr4yxc, @vox34, @skyyyyackerman, @undecidingfate, @nightlysunn, @faeryminnyx (Accounts that I was unable to tag have been removed. Those who don't want to be tagged in certain stories are not tagged in this particular post. Remember to check your settings if you're allowing people to mention you/tag you in posts or not)

Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

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astral-the-space-traveler · 3 months ago

Text

Okay, y'all. I present to you, my first ever fanfic. I did my best and I hope you like it :)

Zelink: Blessings from the Goddess:

(This story takes place about 6-8 months after the events of Tears of the Kingdom). Slight NSFW warning btw.

The sun was rising in Hateno Village. Its golden rays shone along the hillside bathing the morning in a warm, radiant light. Unfortunately for Zelda that light would shine directly into her face, waking her up from a very strange dream. She would sit up, hair falling over her face as she wiped her eyes.

That previous night Zelda was visited in her dreams. The visitor was someone very familiar to her, almost like a mirror. A tall woman with features nearly identical to her own, standing before her dressed in an elegant white robe. The woman said nothing but simply placed her hand on Zelda’s belly, a delighted expression firmly on her lips before the dream was ended by the morning light.

Needless to say the princess was filled with questions, none of which she knew the answer to. Realizing that she was getting nowhere she decided to get up and start her day. Meanwhile Link was downstairs, a tantalizing aroma could be smelled throughout the whole house.

The two of them had already grown quite a bit closer after the Great Calamity and that went triple for after her return post-upheaval. Fate brought them together through sacrifice but that time was finally over. The great evil that plagued Hyrule was finally eradicated once and for all. The time had finally come that the hero and the princess could truly come together in loving union.

“Good morning, Link. That smells wonderful, what are you making?” Zelda would sleepily ask, walking downstairs and peering into the kitchen where Link was quite busy frying a whole carton's worth of eggs.

“Good morning, prin-I mean good morning, Zelda. I'm making some omelets. Would you like one?” He stammered. He'd grown so accustomed to referring to her as simply the princess that he had to begin deliberately calling Zelda by her first name at her request. She would chuckle a bit, knowing that he was doing his best. Frankly she was happy that he had become significantly more talkative after his amnesiac period years ago.

“I would love one. Thank you, Link.” Zelda said, sitting at the table just as the hearty omelet was set before her. She didn't quite understand why but she felt a lot less hungry than usual, not only that but her stomach was feeling strange. She wanted to eat but her body seemingly wouldn't let her. She managed to eat a few bites before needing to excuse herself to vomit.

Meanwhile Link had already finished his omelet and was growing concerned, both for Zelda’s wellbeing and less importantly, for his cooking skills. Zelda would return about ten minutes later, a sickly expression on her face. Link took notice of this immediately, nearly leaping out of his seat to see what was happening.

“Zelda! Are you alright? Was it the eggs? Goddess, I'm so sorry!” He would ask apologetically as he wrapped her in a hug which she returned in kind. The princess herself didn't know what was happening but she was sure that it wasn't the food as Link was diligent on all food related matters.

“No, no. I'm alright. I just need to sit down. Save the eggs for later, okay?” She would ease herself back onto her chair, her head spinning slightly. “I know it's not because of food, at least.”

Link meanwhile, did as the princess asked and stuck her plate in the cold box before returning to her side with a glass of water and a towel. “That's good at least but I'm concerned. Should we see a physician in town? I can carry you if you can't walk.” He said with a genuinely worried tone. This was the first time the princess had even been sick like this around him.

“No. I don't think that will be necessary. I just need some rest and-” before she could finish, Zelda would shoot up out of the chair and bolt out the door to vomit again out the back door. “On second thought, seeing someone wouldn't be a bad idea but the physician in town is a quack so I don't know.”

“Doesn't Purah's lab have exam equipment? Maybe she would know something?” He asked as he took off his tunic to give to the princess as her shirt had yesterday's lunch on it. “I'll wash that later. Hope this fits.” He said, handing the tunic to Zelda.

“O-Oh, I have a few more clean shirts but thank you. I will go see Purah though, it seems like the only option.” Zelda picked up the Purah Pad on the table, setting warp coordinates for Lookout Landing. “Are you coming?” She asked as Link placed his hand on her shoulder both to provide his answer and so he would warp with her. Blue light enveloped them both before their view shifted to the sprawling settlement before them.

“Good, we made it. No complications this time.” Zelda remarked, bracing herself for what was to come. She liked Purah for sure but she could be a handful, especially her ego. However before she could think to do so, Link had already knocked on the front door of the Lab followed soon after by the sound of crashing and a small “boom”. The door opened and a slender woman in goggles stepped forward.

Purah stepped outside to greet the two of them..“Oh, Linky? And the princess as well? What a surprise, I didn't expect you two to be such early birds. Is something the matter?” she asked, glancing over at the princess's nauseous expression.

“She's sick! Please help her.” Link pleaded. He didn't know what was going on but he knew it was serious enough to be worried and frankly he was terrified of the thought of something happening to the princess again. Meanwhile Zelda just nodded at Purah.

“Oh my, this does sound serious. I'm no Great Fairy but I may be able to help. Come inside and I'll take a look. My new Purah Pad might have just the thing we need. An examination rune! Tells you everything you need to know with a simple “snap!” Purah said, beaming with a sense of accomplishment.

“Linky, you wait here. This is private. Maybe Symin needs some help, be a dear and check would you? We'll come find you soon enough” Purah would ask, motioning for him to head over to Lookout Tower while the exam took place. Link nodded in acknowledgement before giving Zelda a quick kiss on the cheek and heading off.

“Now come on, princess. Let's see what's going on with you.” Purah said, ushering Zelda inside and onto a nearby chair. “This shouldn't take long, just hold still and let me see if this works.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you, Purah.” Zelda would do her best to make herself comfortable as Purah fiddled with her new pad, cycling through various functions before arriving at the desired examination rune. A blue light emitted from the back, feeding information to the display. Shining the light over the princess, Purah gasped at what she saw, nearly dropping the pad.

“What's wrong?! Did something happen? What did you see?!” Zelda asked frantically, now worried about the seriousness of her illness. Staring up, she met Purah’s gaze. Her expression was one of bewilderment but also a sense of relief at the truth of the situation. She would give the princess a soft smile and placed her hand on her stomach.

“You mean I'm…oh sweet Hylia, how could I be so oblivious. I suppose it was bound to happen eventually.” Zelda would clutch her belly, her mind racing with more emotions than she could handle at once. She felt tears run down her cheeks as Purah wrapped her in a hug.

“So you and Link, you've been…” she made a dirty gesture with her hands to save her the embarrassment to which Zelda nodded. “...yes, frankly we haven't been able to stop ourselves. We just start touching and everything gets all hot and he starts to…aagh!” she began to fluster herself with memories of nights past with her beloved to which Purah laughed.

“No need to be embarrassed, princess. This is perfectly natural, you know. I may not look like it but I have a century's worth of stories of my own so you don't need to worry.” She continued to laugh as she set her pad back on the table and pulled up a chair in front of Zelda.

“You love him, don't you? He's a good man, I'm sure he'll be just fine.” She snickered, awaiting a response from the princess. She hesitated, stumbling on her words. “Of course I do! More than anything!” Her face turned red as she blurted out her answer, burying her face in her hands right after.

“If that's the case then I think you'll do splendidly. Now come on, we'll run and grab a few potions for your morning sickness and go find Linky.” Purah said, helping Zelda out of her chair and to her feet.

“Thank you, Purah. For everything.” Zelda said with a soft yet sincere tone. Purah was glad to be able to help the princess and would do everything she could for her. “Don't worry about it, it's the least I can do. Now come on, let's get out of here.” she replied to which the princess obliged.

About an hour later Purah and the princess would spot Link being fired out of the top of Lookout Tower though neither of them could tell if it was for land surveying or if he just asked Symin to do it because it was fun. They both waved to him to get his attention as he was landing and he nearly sprinted to them as soon as he did.

“Zelda! Thank Hylia, I was worried. What's going on, are you going to be okay?” Link asked, looking at the princess, now rejuvenated thanks to a potion drank minutes earlier. “Y-Yes, I'm alright I just…well…I'll tell you later. Come on, we have to go.” Zelda replied. Her words confused Link but he was relieved to hear she was okay.

“Yes, of course. Where are we headed?” He asked, mentally preparing for how they would reach their destination. Meanwhile Purah had already left with a wave, knowing full well that her job was done and that the two of them had some catching up to do.

“Satori Mountain.” Zelda replied succinctly, refusing to elaborate further. Link could tell this wasn't a typical journey so he decided to go along without questioning her. He nodded and the two of them set off southwest for the mountains.

By the time they arrived at the mountainside stable the sun was already near setting so they needed to hurry up the summit. Thankfully the mountain path was an easy journey and the two of them finally stopped to sit under a sakura bloom at the peak. Night had fallen and all that illuminated the night sky was the moon, a galaxy's worth of stars and the occasional bluepee on the ridge below.

They stared out at the night, encapsulated by the view. Both Link and especially Zelda were exhausted from the journey, leaning on one another to prevent each other from slumping over. The entire time Zelda was racking her brain, thinking of how she was going to tell him. After all, it was the whole reason they came out here in the first place. After about half an hour of silence Zelda finally spoke.

“Link. I need to tell you something.” She leaned forward to look at him as he stared back, eyes full of anticipation meanwhile hers will filled with anxiety about how Link would react. Deciding to throw caution to the wind she let it all out at once.

“I'm…I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant and I know that it's your child, Link. I just…I just hope you don't hate me now. It's my fault for refusing contraception, I should've-” she was interrupted by a sudden and passionate kiss. Link's arms wrapped around her in a gentle embrace, she could feel teardrops falling onto her shoulder.

“I could never hate you, Zelda. Never.” He clung to her just as she clung to him, their touch keeping each other stable. “I need to take responsibility too so don't blame yourself, okay.” He pecked her on the cheek before wiping his own. A tear filled smile ran across his face. “There's no one I'd rather be a father with than you, Zelda. I promise you I'll be there every step of the way.”

His words triggered something in Zelda, like a flood of relief washed over her all at once. She let out a sob and buried her head in his tunic. “I'm so happy to hear you say that, Link. I was so scared. I am still so scared. What if I'm a bad mom?” She ran through all her hypotheticals, meanwhile Link waited until she was finished before giving her another kiss.

“I know you'll do great, now let's stop worrying for now. We can cross that bridge when that day comes.” He caressed her face gently, wiping her eyes as well as looking into them. “Tell you what, how about we spend the night up here. It's a clear night and no one will bother us up here.”

The princess smiled and pulled Link into another embrace. “I would like that.” She looked back up at him, her eyes filled with a certain hunger that only could be satisfied by her beloved. “Besides, even if the Purah Pad says I'm pregnant, I just wanna be 100% sure. I'm sure you understand.” She winked to which Link gave a chuckle.

“Oh yeah, and how should we do that?” He asked, slowly removing his tunic, to which Zelda responded by doing the same. The moonlight shining on their skin as they looked at one another. Zelda began to run her fingers down his body, finding their way to exactly where she wanted them.

“I have a few ideas, also I'm keeping this. It's comfy.” Zelda laughed as she lost another layer as Link followed suit, setting his boots next to hers and their clothes in his bag. They gazed at one another for a while before pouncing on one another, the two of them unashamed and filled with the deepest of loves.

Hours passed and the sun rose once again and once again. However this time it was Link who was woken up by the light. The two of them fell asleep entangled with one another and he refused to break away from that, though one thought kept running through his mind.

Why did Zelda look so much like the woman who simply smiled at him in his dreams? He didn't know, but he was content with that because he knew everything he needed was right here in his arms. Nothing would ever separate them again. They would build a new life together filled with prosperity and joy. A blessing from the Goddess they had received and neither of them would ever take it for granted.

#fanfiction #fanfic #the legend of zelda tears of the kingdom #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #loz totk #loz #loz link #loz zelda #princess zelda #link #totk zelink #zelink #totk zelda #totk link #tears of the kingdom #zelink fanfiction #I'll put this on ao3 when I can

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crimsonfluidessence · 3 months ago

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Prompt 1: Steer

Content Warning: Fantasy Racism, mentions of vomit, Endwalker Spoilers

There were many good things about Esredes choosing to have joined the Contingency and push himself north to Ilsabard. He saved people, he got to join a new organization, he saw more of the world- even if it was a hellscape- and most of all, he made new friends.

Making new friends was usually a good thing, but they could be very... eccentric, sometimes. Perhaps Esredes should have known better himself when he took the Pureblood former chief medicus of a legion he met in the Contingency to an Ala Mhigan and Radz-at-han fusion cuisine restaurant and insisted everyone try the spicy curry challenge. The discussion had been on Chocobos, and then it had quickly devolved.

"They are scary creatures," Andromeda, the defector medicus, had remarked about them. "I can't imagine what kind of strong will you must have to tame one... I think I'll stick to my car." Esredes tensed up at the mention of a car. "Speak for yourself." He said, quickly. "I'm not going near those evil devices." "Oh! You still have yours?" Ryousei, the half-Garlean, said to that. "I lost mine back home..." "I do! Well, scraps of it... it was pink! I named her Ladybug!" "Id love to take a look at it some time... i-if you don't mind. I used to work on mine with my... dad." His expression deflated. "What's a car?" Added Fiachna, one of the newer members of the network. "An unsafe metallic abomination." Esredes explained. He knew. Oh, did he know about cars, enough to say he never wanted to be near one ever again.

It was another cold night in Garlemald with the light of the full moon, and he had a mission. A mission to deal with a stray roader attacking carriages between camp and Tertium over the past several nights. That by itself made sense to him- destroy the moving target. He had some means of doing that with assistance, so it should be entirely doable. And then the rescued Garlean in charge who was all too trigger happy told them *how* they would lure it out.

With cars, as they called them. Several of them had been prepared for the task. Esredes stood by the lineup of them and just stared the metal carriages down. He'd seen so many destroyed ones among the wreckage that he didn't register there was a functional version in any form. And there was no Chocobo, but it wasn't an airship or manacutter, so how would it move without the air? He didn't know, and he wasn't exactly eager to find out. Knowing Garleans, it had a self-destruct mechanism for no reason just to kill more people upon destruction. What was a Garlean if not to kill everyone without a pearl on their forehead? Needless to say, Esredes was very reluctant to step into the passenger seat after fumbling to figure out how to get inside, but the task asked him to, so he reluctantly did. And it wouldn't be long before he regretted that choice.

Fast. Too fast. Whatever this thing was, it was entirely too fast, and he was used to flying. But something on the ground should never be able to pick up the speeds the thing accelerated to almost immediately. Esredes was all at once hopeless and helplessly trapped inside the vehicle, as trying to get out would most certainly kill him, but he could do nothing to slow it down as it drove across snow. Even worse, when they did find the target, the roader was covered in armor and opened fire on them with several guns, causing Esredes to yelp and duck down in the abomination to avoid being killed on impact then and there, only managing to raise up the metal on his gauntlet up to protect the driver from the bullets. To deal with the open fire, the car spun for a long moment to evade it. Esredes' urge to throw up increased as he gripped onto the seat for dear life. Another member of the party, the insane lunatic, thought it would be a great idea to jump onto the roader and take care of it that way. He was proven very wrong when the thing threw him right towards Esredes, the impact slamming his head into the back of the seat. The world quickly faded to static and limited sensations as he slid down and didn't get back up, not until the throbbing in his head began to alleviate enough for him to try and scramble up in the seat. For a small mercy, he managed to avoid emptying everything he had that day into the snow. But the moment the car stopped, he fumbled with the latch in a desperate escape to get out, and stumbled and half-tripped onto the pavement. He managed to pull himself back up into a stumble across camp until he could throw himself into bed and try not to focus on how much his head hurt.

"I see." Fiachna said to his comment in the present. "I'll avoid it, then." Andromeda, unfortunately, did not take the hint. "Cars are great! I have to take you for a drive, Ser Esredes!" "No," he said harshly, immediately. "Not. Ever. Throwing up once was more than enough." "What?" Ryousei said. "Aw cmon, car rides are a great way to relax honestly..." "It can play music and go REALLY fast!" She went on. "Ladybug had a V8 engine! She could really burn Ceruleum!!" "It can play music? Can I race a car?" Asked Fiachna. "I want to race a car. I can go faster."

Esredes sighed and kept eating the kibbeh appetizer they'd ordered. And yet, they kept going. "I loved racing!" Andromeda declared. "Oo, and obstacle courses! Spinouts... All sorts of things!" Ryousei chuckled. "Go figure, of course you're a speed demon, doc." "Did you know cars can go so fast the tires burn out??" "We should race." Fiachna declared. "Of course!!" Andromeda said. "Nothing better than pushing magitek to the BRINK! Once, I almost crashed into the side of a mountain!"

Esredes couldn't believe what anyone was saying right now. Garleans were truly insane, even the reasonable ones like her. Why were they like this. Why were they so wired to destroy themselves and others with their horrible contraptions. Between the creepy sounds playing from those devices that protected people from tempering, these things, and their traffic control having guns, Esredes was convinced good Magitek could only come from Ishgard itself. Not from the ones who wanted to destroy everything with it constantly.

Fiachna went on about wanting to race a car, until everyone's spicy curry they ordered for the spice challenge arrived. This relief gave Esredes the excuse he needed to hold a hand up. "All right. Enough car talk. I propose a countdown." It was time for everyone to die. When he hit zero, everyone took the first bite of the unreasonably spicy curry. Only Esredes and one other made it past the second round, only to meet their match. It didn't take long for both Andromeda and Ryousei to be freaking out about the heat. Andromeda grabbed Ryousei and declared, loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear,

"We are GARLEAN. WE WILL NOT SUCCUMB."

And that is how Esredes felt a big wave of secondhand embarrassment in the middle of the Ala Mhigan Thavnairian fusion cuisine restaurant for who he came along with. This is what you wanted, he reminded himself. For Garleans to be refugees in Eorzea and learn to be human by exposure and monitoring. So in the middle of the Ala Mhigan Thavnairian fusion cuisine restaurant, Esredes leaned back and sighed to himself. It would continue to be an ongoing process, to try and fix a defective peoples. But if he didn't try, what kind of follower of Shiva- and friend besides- was he?

So Esredes continued to listen and watch their theatrics in the restaurant, but when the embarrassment finally faded, he smiled a little. As per usual, these were his works in progress. And it was his duty not just to watch them improve, but to have some fun in the process.

#ffxivwrite2024 #writing #in action #andromeda #fiachna #ryousei

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bookwormcosplays · 6 months ago

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SSRI Withdrawal Journey

I wasn't going to do this because I'm a very private person and I don't like talking about my mental health on social media, but I decided this is very important for me to remember how this felt and to give people a frame of reference.

I've been on lexapro for a year which I always knew it was going to be temporary because I was having a lot of mental breakdowns and I just needed to get through school. I told the psychiatrist I just wanted to get through school and she still prescribed me this. I was aware of the withdrawal, but I was under the illusion that it should be fine if I tapered.

Why not continue take it? It didn't really help me out a lot. It had more cons than pros. All it did was make me less angry and eat more which is something I'm capable outside of medication. The breakdowns though were affecting my school life that a round of therapy wouldn't help and this helped to minimize it, but now I graduated.

Fast forward to current day. I told my primary doctor I wanted to come off of lexapro, couldn't talk to my previous psychiatrist for other reasons, and my DOCTOR said "oh lexapro is easy just split your pills in half take it for a week then stop." I was on 20mg. I said I'm really concerned about withdrawal could I get 5mg pills. She said "okay" and gave me only a week of 5mg. Mind you I was already running out of my original pills. So I had no choice, but to follow her advice.

1st Week (10mg): Insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, nightmares, and mania. I was very manic. I kept acting out of character, talking a lot, and pulling out old projects to work on. I was exercising. Doing a bunch of things even though I was running on very little sleep (2 hour naps basically). I also had some dizziness, but it wasn't too bad. I thought I could definitely handle withdrawal because I felt on top of the world.

2nd Week (5mg): Continued insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, and nightmares. New symptoms-- I crashed hard after the manic episode. Headaches (24/7 they will not go away with no type of medicine), joint pain, nausea, vomiting, no appetite. Can't drink water. Makes me sick. Dizzy spells get more intense. Static in vision. Can't walk straight. Bumping into walls. Falling more often. Can't look at phone or laptop without unbearable head pain or nausea. Migraines. Flu like symptoms (don't have flu, haven't been outside the house in a week). Sore throat, congested, fever. Increased sweating and what feels like hot flashes.

3rd Week (nothing): Continued insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, and nightmares. Headaches, joint pain, nausea, vomiting, no appetite. Dizzy spells, static in vision, still can't walk straight. Still bumping into walls and falling more often. Can't look at phone or laptop without unbearable head pain or nausea. Migraines. Flu like symptoms, sore throat, congested, and fever. Increased sweating and hot flahes. New symptoms-- Fatigue, try to sleep but nightmares keep waking me up. Yet I also don't want to sleep because the nightmares are so bad. Exhausted. In bed all day. No brain zaps yet? Noises make my head hurt. No matter how small. Cabinets closing, music playing, etc.

I will update the third week as we finish it up then make a new post as this goes on.

I don't know how people deal with withdrawal while working. If you want to take an ssri or lexapro specifically, I suggest you intend to stick with it. If you're just trying it out, figure it out within the first month. If you want to taper, do it with someone who understands the consequences of withdrawal. I seriously don't understand how this withdrawal is not different from opiods or any other drug. If I wasn't in a situation where I can't take it anymore, I would get back on it to stop this. Needless to say, I do not recommend lexapro for short term use or honestly at all (but also I'm in pain rn and very irritated).

#personal post #not cosplay #lexapro #lexapro withdrawal #my withdrawal stories #my withdrawal journey

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blurredcolour · 2 years ago

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What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

Austin Butler x Female Reader

Summary: The loss of your job, and most likely your career, in the middle of December has your parents sending you to the Bahamas in their place. Your intentions for a quiet retreat are interrupted when your path unexpectedly crosses with Hollywood’s favourite pretty boy – though you seem to have a lot more in common than just a distaste for frat boys. Will the pair of you be able to overcome your respective difficulties to ring in the New Year together?

Warnings: Angst, Job Loss, Grief, Moping, Crying, Non-Disclosure Agreements, Several References to Christmas, Alcohol Consumption, Mental Health Struggles, More Crying, Language, Intoxication, Catcalling, Reference to The Scottish Play, Fist Fight, Blood, Vomit, Hair Washing, Austin Takes Care of Reader, Hangover, Bruises, Mild Injuries, Kissing. Rating – T.

Author’s Note: Circumstances dictate the reader has at least shoulder-length hair, but no other descriptions apply.

Song Suggestion: What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – performed by Ella Fitzgerald

Word Count: 8125

“Have you ever been dumped by 875 people?” You murmured tearfully and a glance over at your new companion made you laugh self-deprecatingly.

His angelic face, crafted with a heavy potential for sin, was the very picture of confusion. You dabbed at your brimming tears with the cuff of your light cotton cover up.

When the bells all ring and the horns all blow And the couples we know are fondly kissing Will I be with you or will I be among the missing?

It was remarkable how a five-minute meeting in a conference room with people you barely knew could so efficiently nullify the last three years of your life.

You had been ambitious. Set on your career path. Confident that it was where you were meant to be. And you had given it everything since day one. Your vacation days had accumulated unused, and – at most – four sick days had been taken. You’d missed most holidays and family events, and the few that you had managed to be present for…it was more of a physical presence than anything. Sitting in a room full of celebrating friends or relatives as the chatter bounced around you, either deep in thought over the latest work crisis or thoughts completely blanked by a bone-deep fatigue, you were never really there.

So dedicated to making this position work, you had let your organization chew you up and now. Well, now they had spit you out. Words like ‘budget cuts’, ‘restructuring’, and ‘severance’ ricocheted through your brain as your numb body had relied on ancient recall and took you home. Not to your empty, barely decorated apartment. No. To your parents’ house.

Using the key you’d had on your keyring since junior high, you had unlocked the back door and shuffled in dejectedly. Your mother had looked up from the newspaper she was reading at the table while drinking her coffee and looked you over in shock.

“I lost my job, mom” You had breathed, and your face crumpled as the reality of it crashed into you with the force of a runaway train.

It had taken a lot of hugs and some homemade soup to stem the sobs, but at this point in your life your mother was an expert in this. Your father, upon arriving home from coffee with his friends, had soothed your ego by ranting.

“You’ve given that damn place everything and this is how they repay you?! Five days before Christmas?!”

Needless to say, your holidays had been far from merry and bright. There was comfort in helping your mother finish up the baking, but the astonished looks and questions from your relatives were wholly draining. And all of it was painted with the bitter brush of rejection. Honestly you had poured every ounce of yourself into that job, and it had been taken away by cold, impartial consultants.

The ache of loss was remarkably similar to a break-up. Not that you’d had time for any sort of interpersonal relationship over the past few years. It was shocking, honestly, how much you had built your life, your identity, around that job. And now you were lost. Adrift in a sea of get-togethers as the frenetic energy of the holidays washed over you.

Your gifts to your family had thankfully been purchased prior to the ignominious end of your burgeoning career. You definitely had a stubborn streak, and after consulting with a lawyer, you had refused to sign the non-disclosure agreement required to secure your severance and ensure your economic future for the next few months. You refused to allow them to control your life for one second longer.

As you had pulled on the end of the ribbon wrapped around your present from your parents, you could not help but notice the expectant look on their faces. You had raised an eyebrow curious and tore into the wrapping, opening the box to reveal a homemade voucher for one vacation in the Bahamas. You looked up at them with wide eyes.

“You guys I can’t…”

“Yes. Yes, you can.” You mother had interrupted with a warm-yet-firm nod.

“We already had the room booked, but your mother and I found a cheap deal later in January. You go now, we’ll go later” Your father added, pulling out his phone to forward you the confirmation email for the flight and hotel.

“But I…” In what seemed like a constant occurrence these days, you had felt fresh tears welling in your eyes.

“Go, darling. Go and relax on your first vacation in years and then come back ready to move forward.” Your mother had nodded, her own eyes shining with tears.

There were hugs and more tears before they had shooed you off home to pack as the flight left early the next morning. Digging out a few bathing suits, sun dresses, and other summer clothes, you located your long-abandoned suitcase and packed it all in with a healthy selection of books. You had wished you could feel more excited about the prospect of this trip, but everything felt so hollow and Christmas dinner had just tasted of failure that evening.

With a flight departing at five in the morning, you had needed to be there for three and seriously debated even trying to sleep. In the end, you did end up dozing a little before your alarm woke you and you headed down to the waiting cab. Check-in had been uncharacteristically smooth, and in what felt like no time you were sipping your complimentary beverage at 36,000 feet.

The stunning blue of tropical waters had come into view outside your window as the plane began its descent and you felt some vaguely akin to a smile lift the corners of your mouth. After checking in, you immediately went for a swim before settling into one of the lounge chairs on the beach. The resort was stunning, well-appointed, with a gorgeous view and delicious, included, food and drink.

After reading the same paragraph for the fourth time, you had sighed heavily and lay your book down onto your lap. It did not seem to matter where you were, all you could think about was the fact that they didn’t want you. Frowning bitterly, you abruptly stood to take a walk and clear your head. That ungrateful organization did not deserve another second of your time. You had grit your teeth as you pulled on your cover-up, tucking your book beneath your arm, and set an aggressive pace through the sand.

You had found this quiet spot, tucked back in the treeline, around a bend from the rest of the resort. It had called to you as a welcome, secluded, peaceful spot. It was where the blonde man now sitting beside you with a look of pure bewilderment on his face had found you.

“Oh I’m sorry, is this your moping spot?” You had sniffed, wiping a fresh crop of tears roughly as his shadow stretched across the sand before you.

“Not at all, but…are you alright?” He had knelt down in front of you, concern etched on his sharp yet delicate features.

“Oh...well…no but it’s nothing that time won’t fix…” You had offered a watery smile. “It is an excellent place for a mope, plenty of room if you’re in need.” Lack of sleep and the potency of those two drinks with the cute umbrellas had taken away your filter, it seemed. Or maybe it was the fact that he was a complete stranger, had no idea what you’d done in the name of that position.

He had chuckled softly and settled down to sit beside you, looking out at the waves quietly until you had blurted out your puzzling question.

“I…I cannot say that I have?” He answered hesitantly and you chuckled weakly.

“I got restructured right out of my job…right out of my career I think…I’m here out of my parents’ pity…” You clarified.

He frowned down at you softly.

“I am so sorry to hear that…that…probably feels exactly like breaking up with hundreds of people at once…” He nodded, finally understanding your question.

You nodded and slowly exhaled through pursed lips, emitting a prolonged ‘huuu’ sound as you tried to stem the flow of tears. Once you felt sure your voice wouldn’t shake, you turned and introduced yourself. Your mother had instilled good manners in you after all. He took your outstretched hand in his large, warm one, shaking it gently.

“Austin Butler. Very nice to meet you, despite the circumstances.” He smiled to you and your eyes widened as your brain actually registered the face right in front of you.

“Oh!” You exclaimed softly and cleared your throat, immediately feeling idiotic. Maybe they’d actually had a reason to let you go. “I loved you in Elvis, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He smiled warmly and lay his other hand over yours, squeezing softly before releasing your hand gently.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” He sounded so truly touched, it made you swallow thickly.

He must hear that every damn day and yet here he was, responding as though you were the first person to ever say that to him.

“At least it’s beautiful here…” You turned back to look out over the cerulean blue water lapping at the white sand at your feet.

“Hmmmm.” He intoned in agreement beside you. “Though in all truth, I did come here for a mope…” He murmured softly and you found yourself swallowing painfully again.

“I can leave, if you’d li…”

“No. No, truly you got here first today, I can just…”

“No need!” You cut him off quickly in return. “As I mentioned, there is more than enough space…”

He nodded in agreement, leaning back against the base of one of the trees beside you. You did the same, enjoying the companionable silence with only the sounds of nature around you. Until he gave a long, heavy sigh before clearing his throat.

“I thought I needed some quiet time. The press, the appearances, the filming…it’s just all been so much since June. Got here last night. Never felt more alone in my whole life. So…I appreciate the group mope.” You noted that Tennessee twang haunting his vowels and glanced at him with a half-smile.

“Everyone else is so excited to be here and in full vacation mode.”

“It is a lot.” He agreed before falling quiet again.

There were further sporadic conversations between the pair of you – he recommended the place he ate dinner at last night, you shared that the drinks had remarkably generous pours for an all-inclusive. But mostly you enjoyed the sounds of the water lapping at the shore, the fronds of the palms rustling above you, the birds singing further into the jungle. It was calming, soothing. The shadows grew longer as the sun sank lower in the sky before you until it was almost slipping below the sea.

Eventually your stomach refused to suffer your willful denial any longer and emitted a voracious growl that had both of you laughing softly.

“I’m going to go grab some dinner.” You admitted defeat, shifting to stand carefully.

“I’m going to stay here a while longer…but I’m sure I’ll see you around?” He finished his statement of surety with a question, forcing a ghost of a smile the flit across your lips.

“You will. Have a lovely evening.” You nodded and he smiled and nodded in return before you made your way back.

Dinner was delicious, just as he said it would be, and the bed wasn’t bad either. You felt a little more rested the next day, and maybe just a little less frayed at the edges. It was reassuring, in some odd kind of way, that even those who were happy in their careers still experienced strife. That you were not the only one on this tropical island feeling less than your best.

Maybe it's much too early in the game Ah, but I thought I'd ask you just the same What are you doing New Year's, New Year's eve?

After breakfast, you settled by the pool this time, wanting a little more shade than the beach seemed to afford. It was a woeful misjudgement as the high-pitched excitement of children gave way to lower pitched excitement of a pack of frat boys on winter break. It was an environment utterly inconducive to reading your book, but that stubborn streak of yours reared its ugly head, and you sat there forcefully reading that book. That is, until an over-sized man child did a cannonball into the pool nearby and sprayed you and the woman beside you with the water displaced by his body.

“god damnit” You hissed bitterly and frantically blotted at the water quickly seeping into the pages of your book, making them warp before your very eyes.

You felt a pressure on the back of your lounger and snapped you head back, expression immediately softening to see Austin standing there gripping the cushion with one hand, carrying a tray of coffee and smoothies in the other. He was so utterly gorgeous in his Anaheim ducks muscle shirt, shorts, and baseball cap that you once again felt incredibly moronic at not immediately recognizing him yesterday.

“Morning. If you are looking for a quiet poolside to read at, my villa has one that is completely empty.” He offered quietly and you raised your eyebrows.

“Are you….are you sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude?” You swallowed.

“I think you’ve more than proved that you are not intrusive yesterday. In fact, you proved that I made quite a mistake coming here alone…” He trailed off quietly, eyes clouding over a little and you nodded quickly, collecting your things and following him.

He wove his way through the courtyard and down a quieter path towards the waterfront. Close behind, your eyes widened as you came to a row a villas, decently spaced with foliage-covered privacy walls separating them. Austin pulled out his key card and swiped at the lock, holding the door open for you.

“Straight back through the kitchen.” He smiled warmly and you slid past him, the distinctly fresh scent of his cologne tickling your nose. Your eyes adjusted to the change in light from brilliant sunshine to sheltered indoors and you took a moment to cast your eyes around the thoughtfully designed room. It was bright, luxurious, and just the right mixture of welcoming and immaculate. Well, except where his suitcase sat in the corner with clothing spilling from it, and the scatter of books and the guitar laying on the crisp bedspread. Refraining from comment, you continued through the space, passing the spa-like bathroom before reaching the kitchen at the back of the space. Opening the massive sliding door, you gasped at the infinity edge plunge pool looking out over the ocean. Silent, as promised.

“Thank you again, this is…so lovely of you…” You hesitated as you looked over the two lounge chairs, uncertain which he would prefer.

Answering your unspoken question, he set the tray of drinks down on one, and thus you settled onto the other.

“Not at all.” He waved off your gratitude easily, stepping back inside to grab one of the books you’d seen on the bed.

You settled back onto the chaise, eyeing the landscaping that somehow obscured the view from the beach but allowed a gorgeous vista from where you sat. You looked up to see a covering over the small patio and sighed happily as you had secured your peace and your shade. Austin settled onto the chaise beside you and opened up his book. You smiled warmly before doing the same, settling into the story finally…until you came across a line that had your mind spinning and circling back to your newfound unemployment.

Staring out over the water, thinking of everything and nothing at all, you jumped as Austin spoke beside you.

“You seem pensive…” He said gently and you looked to him sheepishly.

“It’s…it’s funny. It was ‘just a job’ but, well, I’m getting that feeling like.” You felt as though you were groping for words in a dark room. “Like how can the rest of the world keep going on when mine has ended? Like when someone dies.” You scrunched your nose at yourself. “How overly dramatic is that…” You muttered with a sigh.

“What you feel doesn’t have to be rational” He replied gently. “If you feel it, it’s valid and real…”

You looked over to him softly and swallowed at the tightness in your throat.

“Thank you.” You nodded.

“What was your position like?” He coaxed you into speaking more about yourself than you were honestly accustomed to.

Maybe it was easier to speak so freely about it all because you barely knew him. Or perhaps it was because of the intense focus he bestowed upon you; the most attentive listener you had ever had the pleasure of speaking to. Whatever the reason, you took his simple question and launched into an in-depth introspection on your career and time with your former organization. It was revelatory, and more than once had tears springing to your eyes, but it was also cathartic. A eulogy of sorts, for what had been and what might have been but now would never come to be.

A distant rumble of thunder pulled your focus back outward and you looked out over the ocean to see clouds building.

“I’m…I just talked the best part of the day away, I’m sorry…”

Austin shook his head with a comforting smile.

“The storms come midday; the sun comes out again in the afternoon. But. You must be hungry, should we have some lunch delivered?”

You nodded dumbly, watching as he stood smoothly from the chaise to tower above you.

“I think I have the menus in here somewhere…” His voice floated behind him as he stepped back into the kitchen to dig out a set of menus for the restaurants that offered delivery to the villas.

Following after him, you made some food choices and he submitted the order using the provided tablet. You looked up at a much closer rumble of thunder and dashed out to collect your books and towels before the skies opened up in a downpour of huge, heavy raindrops. Leaning on the doorjamb, you listened to the soothing sound, inhaling the fresh scent.

“Twenty minutes” He spoke softly, coming to stand beside you.

“Amazing. Thank you very much…”

His only reply was a gently squeeze of your shoulder before he unburdened you of his belongings. A resort employee dashed through the rain to deliver the food right on time and you sat together at the kitchen island to eat with the background noise of the storm outside. As the rain tapered off, Austin suggested a walk and you happily agreed, exploring the beach in the opposite direction from yesterday before parting ways for the evening.

It became a habit for him to fetch you from the poolside in the morning, spending hours talking and reading and walking. By Wednesday, he was no longer holding back – giving you a full and honest picture of the stresses and strains of his exploding career. How difficult it was to just breathe, to live his life…some days, to just leave the house. The storm came every day as he predicted, before clearing to a once again beautiful afternoon. Sometimes you would swim in his private pool, or wade in the ocean. On more than one occasion, you caught him sleeping on his chaise, book lain on his chest; his sharp, handsome features eased to a boyish softness.

It was one such moment on Friday evening, the sky above you darkening into rich sunset hues, that you tried to sneak out to let him rest. You had not been able to help noticing how tired he seemed when you met him four days prior. Now, all his dozing was leaving him refreshed and glowing. Not to mention he was tanning deliciously from the beach walks and ocean swims. Today you had both felt rather low energy and had opted to watch a movie that afternoon before heading back out to read poolside.

It would be untruthful of you to claim you did not harbour a fragile blossom of attraction for him. It would be impossible not to fall for this man at least on some level. And his proximity on the small sofa while watching the movie had created a shimmering electricity across your skin. It was not something you were looking for or expecting at all, but it was not entirely unwelcome.

Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night Welcoming in the New Year, New Year's Eve?

Gathering your things, you slid your feet into your sandals and shuffled over to the door, frowning as, in your haste, you had not left yourself with a free hand to turn the doorknob. Juggling awkwardly, you swore under your breath as you felt your metal water bottle slip from your grasp and stood very still as if that would somehow dampen the sharp clang as it struck the tile floor.

Turning to try and scoop it up and stop the metallic ringing as the bottle continued to vibrate, you winced as you saw a very drowsy Austin stumbling toward you.

“I’m so sorry, I’m such a klutz. I was trying to let you sleep…” You apologized as you straightened with the bottle secure in your hand once more.

He inhaled deeply, shaking his head as he scrubbed the last vestiges of sleep from his features with his hand.

“No, no it’s fine…I.” You watched as he licked his lips and rocked a little on his bare feet. “Would you…like to stay for dinner?” He managed to ask.

And suddenly everything felt different. With that one question, your alliance forged to enjoy a quiet vacation was transformed into something more. Your palms were quickly damp, the newly secured grip on your water bottle once again tenuous. Your heart skittered against your ribs, completely forgetting its normal rhythm.

“S…sure.” You smiled, hoping it wasn’t too bright and your voice was not as high pitched as it sounded to your own ears.

You noticed his shoulders relax as he smiled radiantly, heading back to the kitchen to grab the menus. You followed quickly, setting down your belongings before you dropped anything else, and nearly smacked yourself when you realized you were fussing with your hair. He set the dinner menus out in front of you on the counter and you leaned in to look them over with him, shivering as the skin of his shoulder brushed against yours and sent a wave of goosebumps down your arms. Silently, you pointed to your choice, not trusting your voice. While he input the order, you carefully folded your towel and properly stacked your things.

“I’m just going to change out of my swim trunks, did you want to eat outside at the table on the patio?”

You nodded quickly with a smile and went out to make sure it was clean, turning on the outdoor lights. Even the lighting scheme was thoughtfully designed, the pool glowing with light from below the waterline. You stepped back into the living room and located the pillar candles you had been fairly certain you spotted earlier, and set them in the middle of the table, lighting them with some of the complimentary matches.

Austin re-emerged in a pair of shorts and short-sleeved, collared shirt, making you feel remarkably underdressed in your sundress layered over a swimsuit. He didn’t seem to mind though, smiling brightly at the set-up. Digging in the fridge, he found some beverages and once the food arrived, the pair of you sat down to a thoroughly enjoyable meal.

“I don’t think I’ve once been disappointed by the food here…” You leaned back, shaking your head in awe.

“It has been a real treat to confidently pick from the menu and receive something that exceeds expectations.” He nodded in agreement, wiping those plush pink lips clean with his napkin.

Realizing you were staring at his mouth, you quickly gathered up the dishes, carrying them back to the trays waiting in the kitchen. As you turned to rejoin him outside, you jumped with a gasp to see him standing right there. His hands quickly steadied you, wrapping his fingers around your biceps.

“Sorry…just wanted to help or…something…” He murmured distractedly, his eyes notably lingering on your mouth this time.

You could feel the thumb of his right hand sliding up and down the inside of your arm, making your breath shaky. Looking up at him through your lashes, you gulped painfully to see the heated ocean blue of his gaze boring down into your eyes. You swayed closer, watching as he leaned in before pulling back a little, biting his lip as he fumbled with something in his breast pocket.

“I just…need you to sign this…” You heard the rustle of paper before he held out a folded sheet to you.

Hesitantly, you reach out to take the offer paper, laying it flat on the counter before reading it over. The effect of the words before you was remarkably similar to someone injecting ice water directly into your veins, instantly quashing any flicker of desire that had been building within you seconds before.

“Austin…you want me to sign an NDA? Just for the privilege of kissing you?! I wouldn’t sign one of these to get thousands of dollars in severance, and you’d think I’d sign one now?!?!” Maybe if your heart wasn’t so bruised you would have been more understanding, but that was not the state you were in. “Clearly you don’t trust me, and I have no interest in building a relationship without trust. You’re just a fuck boy with fancy legal papers.” Not daring to look at his face, you grabbed your pile of possessions and stormed out of the villa, leaving the offensive paper on the counter behind you.

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose I'd ever be the one you chose Out of the thousand invitations you received

You had not realized where you were headed until you were halfway there. Clearly rest, relaxation, and whatever your relationship with Austin had been had not helped you process the devastation of your job loss. It had been time to try copious amounts of alcohol.

Three shots and one-and-a-half glasses of prosecco later and all you were was drunk in addition to angry and sad. You settled into the sunken lounge next to the swim-up bar and sipped at the remainder of your second glass of prosecco. It was quiet out here, the majority of the resort guests either inside at the indoor bar or in their rooms. Sighing deeply, you looked out over the perfectly smooth pool surface right beside you at shoulder height.

You supposed you would have to strike alcohol off the list as well, but there was no sense in wasting good prosecco. You could feel the effervescent glow of intoxication spread from your stomach and out to towards the tips of your fingers and toes. Slumping back against the plush seat, you sighed heavily, looking up at the stars that were doing their best to shine despite the light pollution of the resort. As your thought pattern devolved into some rather muddled philosophy about that phenomenon, you failed to notice the hoots and hollers of the approaching frat boys.

In fact, you weren’t aware of their presence in your sanctuary until a cold wave of pool water was driven over the infinity edge behind you and cascaded rudely down your back. Gasping sharply, you bolted upright and glared back at the oblivious, and clearly intoxicated, pack. Paradise lost, you gathered your things and set the empty glass on the bar before making your way up the stairs. Slowly. Your legs were full of interfering static, and you were not very confident your neural messages were getting through. After a somewhat shaky climb, you found yourself on the pool deck, and in the firing line of a series of rather offensive catcalls.

Tugging at the back of your sundress, trying to ease its revealing cling on your backside since its saturation with pool water, you did not even recognize how unbalanced you were. Frustrated and annoyed by the jeers, you were focused on the problem of your dress and not putting one foot in front of the other. Suddenly the world was tilting sideways at a dramatic angle and gravity had you in her cruel clutches, hauling you down into the pool with a bit of a shriek.

Utterly disoriented, you flailed for a few moments before your feet settled on the bottom and you surfaced sputtering not unlike a rabid cat. Thankfully you had fallen into water that only reached your chest. You clutched your belongings tighter to your body and started plodding your way towards the stairs. The sharks were already circling.

“Hey pretty girl, knew you wanted to get to know me better.” One particularly bold, and dramatically muscled, man-child blocked your path with open arms.

You eyed him coldly and shifted to continue on your way. He shifted in turn, continuing to be an obstacle.

“Please get out of my way.” You ground out. “I am not interested.”

“Oh come on now baby, you know you don’t mean that. Let me show you what a real man can do. I promise I’ll be better than that twig you’ve been hanging out with.”

He closed the distance between you, and you tensed in a perfect imitation of prey as a predator was closing in. There was a difference between you and a helpless herbivore, however. You knew basic self defense. Once he was close enough, your arm shot forward, slamming the heel of your palm up into his nose. The bloom of red blood pouring from his hands clasped in front of his face, combined with his howl, was soothing to your soul. Perhaps violence had been the answer all along.

“You goddamn, mother-fucking bitch!” He wailed and surged forward.

You quickly began to pedal backwards, fear prickling at your heart as the water slowed your progress. You heard a splash off to your right but did not dare break focus on the imminent danger to your safety.

Yet who would have thought the man to have had so much blood in him, you silently marveled, as scarlet painted its way down his chest. Your eyebrows arched in wonder at your brain’s decision to supply you with a line from The Scottish Play. You shook your head to clear it like an etch-a-sketch, trying to focus on the threat, until suddenly a collared-shirt-covered back obscured your view. Wait…you recognized that shirt…

“I am quite confident she asked you to leave her alone.” The man shielding you spoke.

You recognized that voice, too.

“Out of my way, Hollywood, someone needs to teach that whore a lesson.” The still-bleeding man roared, and you watched Austin’s fists clench at his sides just beneath the waterline.

Oh! It was Austin. You felt a sudden rush of anger again and, aided by the alcohol-induced lack of inhibition, opened your mouth to voice your frustration at the male sex.

“EVERYONE WITH A PENIS CAN JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF!”

A stunned sort of silence fell over the occupants of the pool. Your exclamation even halted bleeding bro’s companions’ progress through the pool. After a few heart beats, the men started closing in again.

“You gonna take that from her you shitty little pretty boy?” Bleeding bro snarled; voice notably altered by the injury to his nose.

“I’ll take anything from her. And nothing from you, you drunken lowlife. Now go…fuck right off…” Austin growled, muscles on his arms looking markedly more pronounced than you had ever seen them.

Your eyes widened as a bloody fist swung at Austin’s head. He easily dodged, before blocking the man’s other swing with his forearm.

“I’m not interested in fighting a drunk idiot, just back off.” He spoke more forcefully dodging and blocking as the man’s back up was nearly there, yielding space in the name of remaining defensive.

As Austin backed up, so did you, until you felt something at the small of your back and shrieked before you realized…it was the edge of the pool. Austin glanced back at you quickly and paid for it with a blow to the jaw that had his head snap further towards you painfully. Growling, he turned and went on the offensive, slamming his fist into the cheek of his opponent with a sickening thwack. His opponent wobbled in the water, blood loss and the hit compiling against him. Austin wound up for another strike, and you rushed forward, throwing an arm around his chest from behind.

“Don’t! Don’t, he’s a piece of shit, don’t let him fuck up your life.” You pulled on his torso, trying to separate them.

Thankfully the man’s back-up was feeling the same as you and collected their woozy friend, forcibly pulling him to the stairs at the other end of the pool.

The two of you stood there in silence, chests heaving, before Austin lowered in the water and reached behind to lift you up onto his back. You gasped and clung to his shoulder, cradling your stuff between your bodies as you wrapped your legs around his waist and let him carry you out of the pool.

“Room?”

“4…417…” You murmured, a bit stunned and shivering now. You pressed your face against his shoulder as he carried you, the alcohol turning decidedly sour in your stomach.

He set you down at the door to you room and you blinked up at him blearily.

“Ah fuck my card...in my phone…the key…where’s my phone...” You struggled to express the situation, but the English language seemed to have dumped you as well.

You watched in stunned silence as he reached into his shirt pocket and produced your dry, intact phone.

“I was going to take it to the front desk when I saw you fall in…” He muttered softly and retrieved the key card from the slot on the back of your phone, holding the door open for you to lurch and stumble your way inside like a newborn giraffe.

You did not notice the deep frown on his face as he followed you inside, gently extricating the items from your arms as you stood, wobbling and dripping, in the entry way.

“How much did you ha –” His question was cut off by your palm pressing to his chest as you pushed away from him, stumbling into the washroom as your body decided to rid itself of the burden of the alcohol still sloshing in your gut.

You managed to get the toilet seat up before you crashed to your knees and evacuated pure fire through your mouth and nose. It was horrid and you could feel it soaking into your hair, but you were held in place by the waves of stomach spasms.

You became somewhat aware of your hair being pulled back from the firing line; of a broad, warm palm rubbing soothing circles on your back until your stomach was completely and entirely empty. You sat up and turned to rest your back against the edge of the tub, watching through tear-flooded eyes as Austin flushed your sick and washed his hands before gently cleaning up your face with a cool washcloth. He offered you a glass with an inch of water in it.

“Small sips.” He advised as he dabbed as your damp eyes with a tissue and you obeyed wordlessly, shivering on the tile floor in your airconditioned room.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” He murmured after you managed to keep the water down and leaned over you to get some warm water running. He cast about until he found your hair products and guided you to rest the back of your neck on the edge of the tub so he could wash your hair.

You stared up at him with somewhat glassy eyes as he treated you so gently and so kindly after all the cruel things you had said to him. There seemed to be a smudge on his jawline and you blinked rapidly to clear your once-again damp eyes, gasping sharply as the angry red mark came into focus. He froze above you, looking down into your eyes.

“Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry…” He murmured and you shook your head, staying still for him to finish rinsing before he wrapped your head in a towel. You quickly hurried to the minifridge and grabbed a handful of ice from the freezer, looking around comically before your eyes fell on the plastic bags wrapped around the drinking glasses to keep them sanitary. You freed one and dumped the rapidly melting ice into it before hurrying over to a bewildered Austin, watching you from the bathroom doorway.

You reached up and pressed the ice to the side of his jaw a little more firmly that you intended, making him hiss.

“S…sorry…” You murmured sheepishly and felt your bottom lip start to tremble uncontrollably, your only warning before the tears started flowing. “Oh god I was such a bitch and then you got hurt because of me and, holy shit here you are being all sweet and fuck me I am so drunk.” You rambled with markedly less than clean enunciation.

“Breathe, breathe…” He rubbed your shoulder gently with his free hand, the other cradling your ersatz ice pack against his face. “Deep breaths…” He repeated until he was satisfied that you were in fact taking in a healthy amount of oxygen. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes, ok?” He squeezed your shoulder before heading over to your bed to find the folded set of pajamas. He carried them into the bathroom before guiding you in there. “You got this?”

You nodded pathetically, sniffling as you shuffled into the room and closed the door, striping off the wet articles before toweling off half-heartedly and pulling on the pjs. You blew your nose loudly before stepping back out and making a beeline for the bed. Bed was the only place you wanted to be. You crawled under the covers and nestled in on your side. You were vaguely aware of Austin fussing with the bedding around you, but you were quickly unconscious.

Ah, but in case I stand one little chance Here comes the jackpot question in advance What are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve?

Consciousness returned rudely the next morning, presenting you with a throbbing headache and a mouth full of cotton. You cracked open a reluctant eye and winced at the daylight, quickly closing it again. After a brief regroup, you tried again, successfully keeping it open long enough to see Austin sleeping on a makeshift bed of towels and couch pillows on the ground beside the bed. He had changed into one of the complimentary robes and you realized he had been just as wet as you last night. You tried to roll onto your back and looked over your shoulder in bewilderment at the resistance, only to find a stack of pillows and clothes preventing your movement. Keeping you safe in case you had anything left inside you worth throwing up.

What had you done to deserve such a saviour? Well… you’d called him a fuck boy and told him to fuck right off for having a penis. You smothered a mournful moan with the back of your hand and carefully extricated yourself from the cradle of bedding before padding over to the Keurig machine to make coffee…a peace offering…the start of an apology for the mess you’d made yesterday.

You put the bed back into order, setting a mug on the bedside table above him before leaning down to cup his good cheek gently.

“Austin?” You said softly, biting your lower lip as his hand rose to cup yours against his face, those stunning lashes fluttering before his eyes opened the look up at you sleepily. “morning…” You whispered. “Come up here, there’s coffee…”

You swallowed tightly at the sleepy smile he cast up at you and slid back to make room for him to sit beside you. You cradled your own steaming mug, sipping at it slowly as he settled back against the pillows and looked to you slowly.

“I’m sorry” You blurted out before he could say a single word. “For the way I spoke to you, the shit I started, that you got hurt…” You trailed off, angling your head to eye his dark bruise and frowned. “For making you touch my vomit hair and deal with that and then you slept on the floor? I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, trying multiple times to interrupt but eventually gave up and waited for you to finish.

“I am sorry as well, for springing that…fancy legal paper on you…I really could have handled that better.”

“But I get it.” You said quickly. “It makes perfect sense and I’m sorry…”

He shook his head again.

“It still was not fair to you. I’m sorry.”

Your lips twitched a little and your pressed them together as you watched him take a sip of his coffee before he snorted a little and you laughed softly before wincing at your head.

“Did you take painkillers?” he asked and you nodded.

“They should kick in shortly…”

Silence fell as you sat there together, drinking your beverages. You eyed his swollen, marred knuckles and almost apologized again before sighing deeply and changing the unspoken subject.

“God I can’t believe I’m going home in two days…what am I even going to do with the rest of my life…”

Austin swallowed his latest mouthful and looked to you.

“Let’s start small then. What are you doing New Year’s Eve?” He asked with a sleepy hint of mirth.

“What, like tonight?” You blinked slowly.

“Yeah. Tonight. Might I tempt you with some non-alcoholic bubbly and an excellent view of the fireworks?”

You stared at him in stunned silence, your desiccated brain finding it quite difficult to process the fact that he ever wanted to see you again.

“Or…not… “ He awkwardly sipped at his coffee and you shook your head violently.

“Love to, sounds wonderful. I’ll just need about eight hours more sleep.” You nodded and he looked at the bedside clock.

“So I’ll see you at five?” He grinned cheekily.

“Make it seven, I need to fix this.” You pulled on the towel to reveal your epic bedhead, earning a chuckle.

“Sounds perfect. See you at seven then.” He swallowed the last of his coffee before squeezing your knee and sliding from the bed. “Drink lots of water.” He reminded you in a motherly way before heading out.

You sat there for a good ten minutes, immobilized by the thought that he wanted to spend a rather important evening with you. Especially after your messy behaviour over the past twelve hours. The sound of a happily giggling child running down the hall jarred you out of your mental trap and you shifted to your feet, hanging the do-not-disturb card on the door handle. Using the pants hanger from the closet, you pinched the curtains shut and put on some white noise on your phone. Setting the alarm for five, you slid back into the bed and easily fell back asleep.

The next time you woke you were much more rested. Not fully yourself, but no longer a mere husk. You went through the shower and took some time to get ready. There was just one clean sundress left in your wardrobe, so your choice of clothing was made for you. You arrived at the villa, right on time, and had barely knocked before Austin opened the door with a warm smile.

“Hey.” Your smile echoed his automatically, as your eyes drank in his white linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up and accompanying pair of dark slacks.

“Hey, c’mon in.” He stepped aside and you slid past him, smiling as the space was lit with candles and you were pretty sure Elvis was playing over the speakers. “I made a bold move and ordered dinner, let me know if you hate what I picked?”

You stepped out onto the patio and looked it all over.

“It looks amazing, Austin. Thank you.” You nodded softly and the two of you sat down to enjoy it.

The playlist did indeed include Elvis, but there was also some Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline and more greats included as well. Conversation between the two of you flowed easily despite all that had transpired. Once dessert was finished though, a serious expression seemed to arrive on his features.

“I know I’ve shared with you…how difficult it’s been these past few months. I’m…well at heart I’m just an average person, but I’ve chosen a very public career and it comes with costs. And I do anything I can to protect my privacy, because I don’t particularly enjoy people discussing my coffee run or if my relationship with so-and-so is real or PR. That’s why I have the NDA. My publicist got it for me, and I’ve used it in the past with very different women. You…you are nothing like them. So, I need to apologize fully and try to explain and…” He trailed off as you reached out to squeeze his hand carefully.

“Truly, it was…a shock but it was not the worst thing that’s happened to me. I, I am just so very reactionary right now. And I…exploded from a very selfish, knee-jerk place. So, I need you to know that I’m extremely sorry for what I said to you last night.” You looked to his eyes earnestly, the corners of your mouth lifting as he laced his fingers through yours warmly.

You watched as he lifted your entwined hands to press his lips to the back of yours gently.

“Thank you. I will stop now before I apologize again.” He smirked a little. “I found a box of dominoes, do you know how to play?” He started to collect the dishes and you immediately helped.

“I play like once a year so a refresher or the rule book will be necessary.” You laughed and worked with him to set up the table for Mexican train dominoes.

“The kit seems to have lost the markers…do you have anything to use?” He asked, pulling a ring off his finger, trying to smother a wince that you definitely noticed.

“Uh…” You looked around and spotted some white quartz in a planter beside you. “I am ready.” You grinned.

The next few hours passed during the course of several highly competitive rounds of dominoes. He beat you soundly, winning five of the seven games, before you admitted defeat. After the game was packed up, you were on your way to put it back on the shelf when Ella Fitzgerald’s rendition of What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? started playing. You looked to him with an astonished grin and he glanced at his watch, nodding.

“Right on time…dance with me?” He offered his hand, and you took it gently, glancing at the clock on the microwave to see it was four minutes to midnight.

“Did you….time this playlist?!” You breathed in awe as he pulled you close, swaying with you on the patio.

“You bet I did.” He grinned down at you proudly and you swallowed visibly at that renewed proximity to him. “May I kiss you?” He barely whispered and you inhaled sharply.

“But I didn’t sign – ” You stuttered.

“Fuck publicists and their fancy legal papers.” He breathed, his lips just inches from yours. Struck speechless, you nodded wordlessly.

As his silky, soft lips settled against yours you sighed contentedly through your nose. His arms pulled you tighter as the distance sound of cheering echoed across the water. The first thunder of fireworks startled you apart, and you took a moment to appreciate the fireworks reflecting across the water before turning back to resume your tender kisses.

The strains of Auld Lang Syne, punctuated by the boom of fireworks across the ocean, sounded around you. And for the first time, the end of your old life felt like it might be the beginning of a new one.

Ah, but in case I stand one little chance Here comes the jackpot question in advance What are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve? Oh, what are you doing New Year's Eve?

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