#but my main goal is to keep my gpa from not dropping too much

[chronic-cynic]

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what th

[themostrandomfandom]

Hi! I found your blog the TKTD, and that fic and your theories have highkey gotten me back into glee :D your content is so interesting, thank you so much! I haven't read all of your analyses yet, so I may have missed something, but I'm still wondering a couple things 1. why did Brittany fail senior year? You've written a lot about her not being dumb (despite her intelligence being non-normative), and we know she's able to do at least very advanced math. It seems like her primary goal would be...

To move to the next stage of life with Santana, so why wasn’t avoiding failing out a bigger priority for her? Furthermore, as someone who was so involved with extracurriculars (Cheerios, glee), she must’ve needed to maintain reasonable grades to avoid academic suspension. So avoiding failing seems like something that would be on her radar? and 2. do you think brittany dropped the ‘if sex were dating santana and i would be dating’ line on purpose?

Hey, @savealtonrichards​​!

Sorry it’staken me so long to answer you! I don’t have much internet access these days.:p

If you’re infor a good ramble, it’s under the cut.

(WARNING:Here be griping about Glee writing—as one does.)

___

First thingsfirst:

Theout-of-universe stuff.

Glee is a show that’s difficult to categorize because while it ostensibly takes place withina realistic fictional universe (as opposed to say a fantasy or science fictionone), there are times when it noticeably deviates from reality.

Though thecharacters seemingly live in suburban Ohio in the early 2010s and areregular human beings living “regular lives,” there are certain aspects of theirexistences that absolutely strain credulity (even when one actively tries tosuspend disbelief).

Some ofthese breaches are obvious, like when Lord Tubbington is shown as being capableof using a computer. However, others manifest more as gaps in logic—the typesof minor “glitches” in believability that cause the viewing audience to go,“Wait a minute. That’s not how that plot development would play out in reallife.”

One exampleof this second type of breach is how between S4 and S6, the young charactersliving in New York, most of whom are supposedly tight on money, arenevertheless able to jet set back and forth to Lima seemingly every otherweekend, as if plane and train tickets are free and travel takes no time orenergy at all. Another is that Sue Sylvester could do all of the illegal,immoral, and just flat-out batshit insane things she does without ever being firedor prosecuted. Still another is that nineteen and twenty year-old kids likeBlaine, Finn, and Sam could be hired to coaching positions at their respectivehigh school alma maters, even though none of them holds a college degree orteaching certificate.

The breachin realism that is pertinent to our discussion has to do with Brittany’sacademic history—which as depicted in show canon is replete with gaps and holesand just doesn’t make much sense.

In episode1x07, we are told that for years Sue has been doctoring the grades of herCheerios, including perhaps Brittany’s. However, even after Will puts his footdown and flunks many of their teammates, the Unholy Trinity, including Brittany,continues to attend Cheerios practice. They are the only Cheerios who do.

How theyalone of the whole squad retain their academic eligibility is not clear.Santana may not be taking Spanish, as she’s not shown in the class. However,Quinn and Brittany most definitely are, so either they must be passing (whiletheir teammates are not) or else Will must have decided against giving them thefailing grades they would otherwise deserve, perhaps because he doesn’t want torender them ineligible for glee club.

WillSchuester is nothing if not a hypocrite, so honestly I wouldn’t put it past himto walk that particular low road.

In any case,the show never really clarifies to what extent Brittany may rely on Sue tomaintain a passing GPA.

ThroughoutS1, Brittany is reported to cheat off of Becky’s schoolwork in math class (seeepisode 1x09) and is shown attempting to cheat off of Quinn’s tests in Spanishclass (see episode 1x07), incidents which suggest that she does at timesstruggle with academic performance during her sophomore year. 

However, herstruggles are not explored in depth, and her continued eligibility for theCheerios would indicate that either she somehow manages to make passing grades,struggles notwithstanding, or else that interference from Sue renders herstruggles moot.  

Kurt alsoreports that Finn sometimes cheats off of Brittany’s math assignments (seeepisode 1x10). We don’t know if this cheating represents an isolatedincident or a pattern of behavior. However, if it’s the second option, then given that Finn maintains his academiceligibility for football even after having cheated off Brittany’s work, andconsidering that, unlike with Brittany, Sue is unlikely to have doctored Finn’sgrades, we can perhaps surmise that Brittany at least occasionally managesto earn passing grades on her own.

Even if Sueis pulling strings to keep Brittany on the field, come S2, the situationchanges, as in episode 2x11 Brittany quits Cheerios, at which point whatever“help” Sue had been giving her is almost certainly rescinded.

Shortlythereafter, in episode 2x13, Brittany remarks that hergrades are bad (“Totally. Most teachers think that by cutting class, I mightimprove my grades”), perhaps suggesting a drop-off due to a cessation in Sue’shelp. 

Even so, it would still seem that Brittany isn’t altogether failing, asshe apparently passes the eleventh grade and commences thetwelfth grade with the rest of her class.

The shownever specifies to what extent Brittany and the other glee kids must maintaintheir grades in order to stay in show choir. On the one hand, glee club is notan athletic program, so the rules for eligibility may be different than withcheerleading or football. On the other hand, glee club is seemingly anextracurricular activity in which students may “letter,” and it does have itsown governing board and competition requirements, so perhaps its eligibilityrequirements are similar or even identical to those for prep sports. To whatextent there may be “house rules” specific to WMHS as opposed to district orstatewide rules for all competitive show choirs remains unclear.

My guess isthat there’s got to be some kind of statewide threshold for eligibility,particularly as we’re told, per Jesse St. James, that the Carmel High kids in VocalAdrenaline cheat and doctor their grades in order to maximize their practicetime and minimize their schoolwork.

Whatever thespecific requirements may be, the fact that Brittany remains eligible toparticipate in glee club throughout her junior year is another point that maysuggest that even without Sue’s interference Brittany maintains a passing GPA. ThatBrittany is eligible to rejoin the Cheerios come her senior year also suggeststhat her eligibility remains intact as she finishes out the eleventh grade.

However,things seem to take a sudden downshift from there, both in terms of Brittany’sprospects and in terms of narrative sense-making.  

Come S3, we arefinally told that Brittany has a 0.0 GPA, though it’s never specified if that’sher semester, yearlong, or cumulative GPA. My guess is that it’s the secondoption, given that Brittany is told she must repeat the twelfth grade (asopposed to just making up a few credits during summer school or repeating multiplegrades).

That said,the situation surrounding her failure remains murky.

Prior to S3,Brittany has seemingly maintained a passing GPA, as is evidenced by heraforementioned progress through her freshman, sophomore, and junior years ofhigh school and her continued academic eligibility to participate in Cheeriosand glee club.

However, theshow never reveals how she has come by this passing GPA.

Our threemain options for explaining this phenomenon seem to be:

We can infer that Sue hasmanipulated Brittany’s grades in order to keep her academically eligible forvarsity sports.

We can infer that Brittanyhas achieved passing grades through her own efforts.

We can infer that perhaps somecombination of the above two options has taken place (i.e., that Sue hasmanipulated some of her grades, while others she earned through her ownefforts).

On the onehand, the show heavily implies that Brittany is a very poor student who wouldprobably be incapable of passing her classes if not for Sue manipulating thesystem on her behalf. On the other hand, given that Brittany maintains academiceligibility for Cheerios even when Will flunks many of her teammates in hersophomore year AND that she spends a significant portion of her junior year offthe Cheerios and still manages to pass, it would seem that Brittany is able tomake grades even during the times when Sue isn’t propping her up.

The questionsthen become: If Brittany can pass the eleventh grade “on her own,” then whydoes she fail the twelfth grade? Furthermore, how come Brittany is allowed toremain on the Cheerios and in glee club even once her grades start slipping?Why does her failure only come to light after it is essentially too late forher (or anyone else) to do anything about the problem? How come Sue, who hasnever had any qualms about manipulating her cheerleaders’ grades in the past,seemingly “allows” Brittany to fail her senior year? How come not a singleteacher or counselor at WMHS makes any efforts to help Brittany, even thoughshe is obviously struggling?

After all, Brittany’s 0.0 GPA seems to be a reflection of a chronic problem.

The firsttime we hear about said failing GPA is in episode 3x19, which is the sameepisode that features the WMHS senior prom.

For mostAmerican public high schools, prom takes place anywhere between March and June,which means that somehow Brittany is allowed to fail for at least one or two fullsemesters (or, more likely, given that many Midwestern American public schoolstend to run on the quarter system, two or even three full quarters) before Figgins tells her what’s up.

The school thenseemingly takes no action—at least as we see play out on screen—to helpBrittany course-correct for the final semester or two quarters of her senioryear.

She’s notput on academic monitoring or probation. She’s not assigned a tutor. MissPillsbury doesn’t set up any meetings with her to discuss her options or determineher future. No one writes her an IEP. She just crashes and burns until the endof the year, at which point she fails to graduate.

It strainscredulity that in today’s day and age Brittany could flunk out as “quietly” asshe did, without anyone—including her parents, coaches, guidance counselor,and/or girlfriend—realizing she was in trouble at any point along the way.

Where werethe midterm progress reports? The report cards? The summonses to MissPillsbury’s office? The failed tests that required the signature of her parent orguardian? Santana glimpsing an F on her Spanish essay and ripping Mr. Schue agoddamn new one because who is he to tell Brittany she isn’t conjugating verbsright when he can’t tell his own ass from an ñ?

Shouldn’tsomeone somewhere along the way have noticed something was wrong while therewas still time enough left to do something about it—and particularlyconsidering that Brittany is not only a student but a student athlete?

Per the OhioHigh School Athletic Association, a student must earn “passing grades in aminimum of five one-credit courses, or the equivalent, in the immediatelypreceding grading period” of athletic competition in order to be eligible toparticipate in a varsity sport, so in theory, after she fails that first term,Brittany shouldn’t be able to compete as part of the Cheerios squad at all, letalone be one of the senior leaders.

For therecord, the real life school districts in Lima, OH require a minimum GPAbetween 2.5 and 3.0 for student athletes.

One has towonder: Where is Sue in all this? How come she doesn’t intervene once she seesthat first bad report card?

After all,Sue has no qualms concerning academic dishonesty. By her own admission, she’s meddledwith her cheerleaders’ grades for years. Why shouldn’t she simply meddle in this case, too? Wouldn’tit be in her best interest to keep Brittany eligible to compete?

Come S4, Sueherself blames a “haze of pregnancy hormones” for preventing her from noticingBrittany’s S3 academic nosedive (see episode 4x02). Another contributory factor to her negligence may be her vicious congressionalcampaign against Reggie Salazar and Burt Hummel.

However,that Sue would allow Brittany to fail still presents a narrative problem, nomatter what her excuses for doing so may be, because the fact remains that academiceligibility is an issue that extends beyond her sole purview.

OnceBrittany fails the first academic quarter of the 2011-2012 schoolyear, shebecomes ineligible to compete in interscholastic competitions. The issue is outof Sue’s hands and into those of the Ohio High School Athletic Association.Some state official somewhere has the responsibility to mark her fileand bar her from any further participation in state cheer events.

—and yetthat never happens.

Somehow,Brittany remains a cheerleader (and member of the glee club) for the duration of the schoolyear, despite not passing a single class.

It’s one ofthose lapses in believability—those “Wait a minute. That’s not how thatdevelopment would happen in real life” instances—that takes Glee out of the realmof passingly realistic fiction and into the realm of exaggeration and camp.

There’s noway that Brittany could fail an entire year of school without facing anyacademic consequences—that’s just not the way that the American school systemworks, particularly when it comes to athletic eligibility.

How comeFiggins only notes Brittany’s failures in springtime? What is going on during the fall and winter?

For the record, episode 3x19 originally aired on May 8th, 2012. Within the universe of the show, the action of the episode may take place on the same date or at least a proximal one.

By allaccounts, someone somewhere along the way should notice what’s going on—if nota faculty member at Brittany’s own school, then some official on an athleticeligibility committee, or a college cheerleading coach scouting Brittany for anNCAA scholarship, or an auditor working for the superintendent, or a rivalcheerleading coach digging for dirt on Sue Sylvester’s stars.

Someone!

But no onedoes.

I mean,that’s what the show purports. 

Figgins knows enough to inform Brittany thatshe’s failing, but he doesn’t do anything to help the situation except to lectureher for neglecting her duties as the senior class president and badger her intoplanning the prom. 

Will and Emma, too focused on rescuing Puck from a similarfate, seemingly remain either oblivious to or unconcerned about Brittany’sacademic woes until she’s on the verge of failing her SECOND consecutive senioryear in S4. 

And Santana? She’s blindsided. Somehow, even though she andBrittany take classes together and meet up during every passing block and spendall of their spare time in each other’s company outside of school, she has noidea that Brittany is in academic jeopardy—not until Brittany springs the newson her at BreadStix just before what should be their joint graduation.

Not untilit’s too late.

That’s canonas TPTB at Glee wrote it.

It makes nogoddamn sense, but it’s what we’re stuck with.

So.

Onto thesecond order of business, then:

Thein-universe stuff.

Returning toyour original questions: Why does Brittany fail her senior year—from asituational and character perspective? How come she doesn’t work harder not tofail?

Though earlyon, Glee at times tried to play Brittany off as an accidental or even dubiousgenius—such as in the scene in episode 4x22 where she’s first shown solvingcomplex equations for the researchers at MIT—they later fully committed to herprodigy, acknowledging it as the real deal.

By episode5x12, Baby Girl is shown as being capable of tackling the Riemann Hypothesis.Her work at MIT is serious. By S6, she’s doing complex math for fun, albeitwith kitty doodles drawn in the margins. The Brittany of episodes 6x03, 6x06,and 6x08 is able to slip in facts and impressive logical arguments alongsideher usual Brittanyisms and one-liners. Her intelligence is no longer subject todebate.

So what’sthe deal with her flunking out of high school? How can someone capable ofprocessing the most complicated calculus there is fail at high school algebra?

Here’s thething: While Brittany is indeed a certified math genius, there’s not always aneat one-to-one correlation between “raw intelligence” and “academicsuccess.”

Lots offolks who are plenty bright—including many who have impressive naturalaptitudes in certain areas—fail in traditional classroom settings, even inclasses that by all accounts they “should be good at.”

Some havebehavioral tendencies that are incompatible with the classroom culture. Others findthe course materials boring, either because they already know the materialbeing taught or else because the material is being taught in a way that isn’tconducive to their learning style. Still others learn at a different pace thanwhat the curriculum may allow for, working either faster or slower. Many simplytest poorly or have trouble focusing. Organizational issues, language barriers,home circumstances (which may interfere with one’s ability to complete homeworkor come to class rested and ready to learn), individual teacher-studentdynamics, problems with bullying at school, health or disability factors, etc.,etc. may also affect one’s ability to “make grades.”

Many of thesmartest people there are have failed in formalized academic settings. Conversely,many people of average or even below average aptitudes have found ways tosucceed in the classroom. Other factors such as one’s work ethic, connection toteachers and mentors, support networks, accommodations, etc. can also impacteducational success.

In Brittany’scase, there are myriad reasons why, despite her certified genius, she fails herclasses.

For onething, WMHS is a substandard learning environment, just to start out with.

Theatmosphere there is toxic. Bullying runs rampant, with the staff either whollyapathetic toward, powerless to intervene in, or even sometimes party to theperpetuation thereof. 

The administration routinely mismanages its resources,spending an inordinate amount of money to support the cheerleading and footballprograms, though lacking certain other necessities—such as a functional specialeducation department, adequate handicap accommodations, and up-to-datetextbooks.

They also hire teachers who are both underqualified (such as Will,who teaches Spanish for years despite not actually speaking the language) andfrequently abusive (such as Sue, who should literally be serving jail time forthe way she treats the student body). 

Multiple times, it’s stated that theirstudents test at below average reading levels. 

While only a small percentage ofwhat Sue says should ever be believed, her claims that she doctors the gradesof her Cheerios to maintain their academic eligibility to participate in avarsity sport are seemingly accurate, as Will and Principal Figgins aver that such is this case. 

Not a single permanentteacher, principal, or guidance counselor at the school, with perhaps theexception of Coach Beiste, appears competent to do their job.

The hijinks ofvarious staff members and students regularly interfere with the learning day.

Rememberthat old post about JennaB. Lacey, the Hogwarts student who just wants to get a proper education but isconstantly prevented from doing so because she has the misfortune of being inthe same year as one Harry Potter, whose adventures and misadventures areconstantly interrupting her lessons and preempting her exams? Just replace “Harry Potter” with “Rachel Berry” or “SueSylvester,” and you’re basically describing the life of your average WMHSstudent.

Though wedon’t spend a lot of time following the New Directions kids through theirregular classes, the few glimpses that we do get suggest that much of thecurriculum they are subjected to is either outdated or else straight upobjectively incorrect.

While theepisode plays the situation for laughs, Holly Holliday’s points about the sexeducation at WMHS being painfully inadequate aren’t at all off the mark. Mrs.Hagberg seems to experience episodes of dementia while teaching (and is aself-admitted painkiller addict). She frequently forgets her spatiotemporallocation and has on occasion been known to teach that the Nazis won WWII. Will speaksSpanglish and buys into racist stereotypes about Latinos. Sue promulgatesconspiracy theories and unsubstantiated revisionist history, purposefullyspreading misinformation as if she were the White House Press Secretary.

Later on, inS6, it’s shown that a complete overhaul is necessary to update the school’stechnology and curriculum in order for the students to start performing up tostandards on their state tests.

—and there’sBrittany, who learns differently than most people do, stuck in the middle ofall of this chaos.

Honestly,it’s a wonder that any of the kids at WMHS achieve any kind of mainstreamacademic success. That Quinn gets into Yale and Tina into Brown is kind of ascholastic miracle, all things considered.

So she’s upagainst a lot of impediments as barriers to her learning just as a baseline.

Then add inher individual difficulties on top of the other stuff.

Brittany’sis a unique mind. It is unclear to what extent book-learning and traditionaleducation work for her. She has a tendency to metaphorize concepts, suggestingthat she is an abstract thinker. Her flair for malapropisms also intimates thather mind is organized in “webs,” with various like-words grouped together byloose strings of associations. Though she is mathematically intelligent, she isalso emotionally intelligent and physically intelligent, as well.

Early on,her genius seems highly intuitive, as she is able to pull numbers out of theair, though she is not always equally able to explain how or by what means she hasdone so. In time, her methods seem to become more examined and deliberate, withtheory underlining what was once a more reflexive capability.

She isperhaps something of an autodidact, able, for instance, to teach herselfSpanish, though she apparently doesn’t fare well in the class in high school.

Though fewpeople on the show, save Santana, realize as much, she frequently runs abouttwo or three steps ahead of everyone else in terms of her conversations andsocial maneuvers. Her zany quips and seemingly innocent demeanor throw peopleoff, to the point where they don’t pick up on just how wily and keen she canbe.

On the onehand, this phenomenon affords her some social leeway—because, after all, she’sjust “Brittany being Brittany.” On the other hand, it sometimes results inthose who fail to understand her talking down to her, infantilizing her, andblowing her off. 

Frequently, both Brittany and the people who engage with herwalk away from their interactions frustrated, Brittany because she’s beencondescended to, her conversation partners because they find herincomprehensible and off-putting. 

So. 

Considerthat many of her teachers—including Will—seem to be confused by the way shetalks and find her irksome to deal with and so tend to be dismissive of herduring classroom discussions.

Because herintelligence is non-normative, a teacher talking about A subject can get her thinkingoff on a tangent about B subject, C subject, and D subject, and pretty soonshe’ll be blurting out a question or comment about Z subject, which from herteacher’s perspective does not relate to the discussion topic at hand and mayeven derail the lesson, distracting the other students. The teacher then eitherreacts to Brittany’s question or comment with annoyance, shutting her down(such as Ms. Hagberg does in episode 3x02); or reacts with bafflement, ignoring her andglossing over what she’s said (such as Will does in episode 1x10). Either way, Brittanydoesn’t get her questions answered or her comments responded to in aconstructive manner, which means that, invariably, she doesn’t get what sheneeds to out of class.

By the timewe first meet her as a sophomore, Brittany’s reputation as a nuisance and“numbskull” precedes her.

Her teachersmake no effort to hide their low opinions of her intelligence.

In episode2x04, everyone ribs Puck for crashing his mom’s car into an ATM and gettingarrested. Brittany joins in the fun, remarking, “He may be the dumbest personon this planet—and that’s coming from me.” Though the moment is generallyjocular, the fact that Brittany’s teacher Will says nothing to defend her toherself speaks volumes. The incident is also not an isolated one, as later inthe season, in episode 2x17, Will directly questions Brittany’s intelligence toher face (“I get the three of you being on [the Brainiacs], but Brittany?”).

Tack on allthe instances when he responds to Brittany’s comments during rehearsals (andeven her later “cries for help” during S4) with bafflement at best and disdainat worst, plus the way he clearly talks down to her as if she were a youngchild rather than a teenager, and there’s no question that he thinks she’s adolt.

And he’s notthe only member of the WMHS faculty who feels that way, either.

SueSylvester is likewise a serial offender when it comes to calling Brittany dumband infantilizing her. Ditto for Hagberg and Figgins. Though we don’t get tosee Brittany interacting with many other members of the staff aside fromSheldon Beiste, Holly Holliday, and Shelby Corcoran—the last two of whom areonly at the school briefly—it stands to reason that there are other teacherswho share the same negative attitude toward her that the featured teachers do.  

At onepoint, Brittany even says that her teachers have told her that her grades mightactually improve if she were to slough her classes.

Brittany’s“stupidity” is widely viewed as a given.

Time andtime again, the show depicts people taking her intelligence for granted andassuming the worst of her capabilities. Such attitudes undoubtedly influencethe way that her teachers approach educating her. If a smart kid like Quinn orArtie isn’t grasping a concept, then teachers will try changing their pedagogyup, teaching the lesson in a different, more effective way. The same is trueeven for an average student like Mercedes. If she’s struggling, a teacher’simpulse will be to show her patience because there’s a good chance thateventually (with some hard work and extra credit) she’ll get it. But not so with Brittany, whom most teachers seem to viewas an idiot. Why slow down a class for her? Why assign different readings? Whytutor her after school? Their assumption is that she is a lost cause.

Sue potentiallydoctoring her grades—and those of the other Cheerios—also exacerbates theproblem.

Thoseteachers who are aware of Sue’s meddling, and especially the ones who have beenbullied by her into being complicit, may feel a lessened sense of obligation toreally teach Brittany or attempt to accurately evaluate her learning because,after all, no matter how Brittany performs, she’s going to be handed a passinggrade in their classes anyway.

Conversely,those teachers who remain unaware of Sue’s meddling may believe that givingBrittany a failing grade will result in meaningful academic consequences forher, which will then lead to her getting the help and attention she needsvis-à-vis the systems that are in place to prevent kids from “falling throughthe cracks.”

Of course,because Sue changes Brittany’s grades after the fact, Brittany never receivesany such help.

The systemsdon’t attend to her. Nothing in her file gets flagged. No one pulls her aside.She just gets passed along from year to year and class to class without anyoneever really taking an interest in her learning.

Either way,she’s left ill-equipped to succeed in high school.

On top ofeverything else, Brittany may also have an undiagnosed learning disability,such as ADHD or ASD. Though of course the show never states that she does havea disability (undiagnosed or not), some neurodivergent fans see in Brittany a kindred spirit whose experiences inthe public school system resemble their own.

It’sdefinitely possible that she could benefit from some accommodations.

But as faras we know, they’re never offered to her—not only because, as we learn from Sueregarding Becky Jackson, WMHS doesn’t offer special education classes, but alsobecause everyone thinks that she’s just “Brittany being Brittany,” and she’s a hopelesscase from the get-go.

So howeversmart Brittany may naturally be, she’s got alot stacked against her at WMHS, including antagonistic teachers, theabysmally low expectations people set for her, Sue’s interference with hergrades (and then the sudden cessation of that interference), her non-normativelearning strategies, and other possible factors.

Add in thatduring her senior year, she’s also dealing with some extra pressures outside ofthe classroom, and what we have is a recipe for a disaster.

Note: Ofcourse, the show deprives us of hearing Brittany talk about the aftermath ofSantana’s outing, suspension, and disowning in her own words, but HeatherMorris’s nonverbal cues show that Brittany’s upset during this period is hardfelt. It’s a stressful time in Brittany’s life, and even after the initialwounds have healed somewhat, Brittany still devotes much of mental andemotional energy to trying to ameliorate the situation, to keep Santana in agood place, to help her smile, and carry on. That’s not to say that Brittana’srelationship or Brittany’s efforts to make Santana happy cause Brittany to failher classes. It’s just to say that Brittany’s senior year is one in which shehas a lot on her mind beyond the regular cares of just being a teenager.

Thesituation as it is, it’s perhaps unsurprising that she should struggle.

However, thequestion still remains: Why doesn’t she ask for help?

No one, includingher parents, teachers, or girlfriend, seems to notice she’s academicallydrowning until it’s too late. But just because they don’t notice on their owndoesn’t mean that Brittany can’t alert them to the situation, right? So whydoesn’t she turn to Mr. Schue and say, “I need some extra help on my historyhomework,” or confide in her parents that she’s just bombed another Englishexam, or ask Santana if they can perhaps study for chemistry class together?Wouldn’t it be in her best interest to do so? Shouldn’t she want to graduate sothat she can get on with her life (and follow Santana)? Why not just reach outto someone?

Easier saidthan done.

Brittany hasspent her whole life being disparaged for “not being smart enough.” Is shereally going to admit she’s struggling to many of the same people who are activelycontributing to her struggles?

Sure,ostensibly, Mr. Schue is her teacher, and he’s supposedly an advocate for her.But can she really turn to someone who has routinely made her feel like anidiot and confess to him that she’s not understanding her classes—andespecially when she’s fully aware that, even if she were to ask him for help,he is probably not the best person to offer it, considering that he’s not actuallya qualified teacher?

The samegoes for Sue, who habitually preys upon Brittany’s vulnerabilities and has beenknown to blackmail students whenever she has any sort of leverage over them.Brittany would have to be an even bigger fool than the one people take her forin order to ask a favor of a megalomaniac of Sue’s caliber.

If Brittanywere to turn to her, the best case scenario would be that she would once againresort to doctoring Brittany’s report card—which is not necessarily an outcomethat Brittany wants. The worst case scenario would be that she would find someway to make Brittany’s life hell for having even approached her.

Brittany has to wonder: Is there any good that could come of prompting Sue totake action if she hasn’t already done so (unprompted) yet?

Not evenEmma is a safe bet, considering that she seems completely oblivious toBrittany’s plight, even though it is literally her job to be on top of it.

She doesn’t pushWill to include Brittany in his Saturday Night Fever competition alongsideFinn, Mercedes, and Santana (see episode 3x16). She isn’t present to participatein the “come to Jesus” meeting Figgins calls Brittany in for before the prom (seeepisode 3x19). Nowhere along the line does she show any concern for Brittany’sGPA, even though she has access to Brittany’s records and presumably has aprofessional imperative to counsel with her concerning her future.

If she can’tbe assed to take an interest in Brittany’s academic struggles even though she’sbeing paid to do so, then Brittany’s not going to beg her to get involved.

Her inactionhas already sent the message loud and clear: Brittany is on her own.

As for whyBrittany doesn’t turn to her parents or Santana for help, things arecomplicated on that side, too.

Since wedon’t know much about Brittany’s relationship with her parents aside from thelittle we see of it in S6, it’s difficult to say why she doesn’t approach themfor help. Maybe she fears disappointing them. Maybe she feels that they won’tunderstand why she’s failing. (They might assume she’s being lazy or goofingoff rather than facing legitimate roadblocks to her learning.) Possibly,they’re dealing with some kind of crisis of their own at the same time thatBrittany realizes that she’s failing, so she doesn’t want to “bother them” withwhat she’s going through. Perhaps she does approach them but they either can’t or won’t helpher.

There’s alsothe possibility that Brittany is reluctant to involve her parents in her issuesbecause she fears the consequences if they find out that Sue has been doctoringher grades for years. How can she explain to them why she’s gone from having apassing (and perhaps even impressive) GPA in years past to having a failing(and even abominable) GPA this year? She’d have to admit that Sue’s been fudgingher report cards to preserve her academic eligibility—and doing so might resultin her parents asking her questions that she doesn’t want to answer.

Either shewould have to say that she had gone along with Sue’s meddling (even though sheknew what Sue was doing was wrong) OR she would have to admit that Sue hasbasically been abusing and blackmailing her and the other Cheerios, making herscared to come forward about the academic dishonesty. The first option oversimplifiesthe situation. The second option is the truth but one that’s probably difficultfor her to cop to.

In any case,for whatever reason, Brittany either doesn’t bring her problems to her parents’attention or she does but they can’t (or won’t) help her.

WithSantana, things are different.

Brittanyknows that if she approaches Santana with her problem, Santana will not onlycare but also understand all of the extenuating circumstances. Santana knowsabout the Sue stuff. She also sees how teachers and other staff members tend toreact to Brittany. She’s fully aware of the injustice. She’s also fully awarethat Brittany’s genius is misunderstood—that Brittany is smart, though her smarts don’t necessarily translate to hertopping the Honor Roll every semester. Santana has the full view of thesituation, and there’s no question that she’d be sympathetic to Brittany’sissues and do everything in her power to get Brittany help, if Brittany justsaid the word.

The troubleis that Brittany doesn’t want to say the word—not when Santana has been dealingwith her own troubles, which, on the whole, from Brittany’s perspective, seem so much bigger and moreagonizing than Brittany’s own.

Brittanycan’t bring herself to interject, “Um, excuse me, Santana, but can we take a break fromdealing with you being outed the entire state of Ohio, suspended from school,disowned by your grandmother, and homophobically bullied so that we can talkabout my algebra test?;” not when she knows that if she points out that she isfailing, Santana will pump the brakes on her own plans and ambitions in orderto stand by her side.

She doesn’twant to hold Santana back when Santana is on her way out of their stifling, gay-bashingtown, onto bigger and better things. She doesn’t want to drag Santana herpersonal turmoil, not when Santana is just finally getting clear from theturmoil in her own.

—andespecially not when Brittany views her own failure as inevitable.

Yeah, shecould tell Santana, and, yeah, Santana would try to move heaven and earth tohelp her. But in the end, there’d be nothing Santana could do. Brittany wouldstill fail, not due to any lagging efforts on Santana’s part, but becauseBrittany has never been able to succeed in school no matter how hard she tried,because the whole system is rigged against her and always has been. No matterhow much effort Brittany expends to show people she’s got a fine brain in herhead—by winning a quiz bowl championship, writing for the school newspaper,becoming class president, dishing out wise advice, etc.—no one except for Santanahas ever been willing to give her a chance. They always see her as an imbecileor a child. Even Santana can’t change the status quo. So why drag her into it?

InBrittany’s view, it’s better for her to help Santana pursue her dreams outsideof Lima than to do anything that might cause her to turn back or slow down.

ThoughBrittany often projects confidence, the truth is that just like the other twomembers of the Unholy Trinity, she has some serious and deep-seated self-esteemissues. After so many years of people calling her an idiot and treating herlike a child, part of her wonders if they aren’t perhaps right (see her speech in episode 4x22). 

While shedoesn’t want to believe what the haters are saying, she also can’t help butfeel that maybe she is destined for Lima Loserdom. If so, then the last thingshe wants to do is drag Santana down with her—hence why she doesn’t mention herfailure to graduate until she’s sure that Santana leaving town and going toLouisville is already a done deal.

Is refusingto seek help from anyone a wise choice on Brittany’s part? No.

But havingdifficulty asking for help is a character flaw she comes by naturally. That agirl who’s been told “no” her whole life would be scared to ask anyone to takea chance on her and say “yes” makes sense. The behavior pattern is a consistentone that she displays throughout the show, such as, for example, in S4, whenshe stages not one but two separate public meltdowns in situations where sheneeds help but doesn’t know how to ask for it (see episodes 4x02 and 4x22).

Note: Thefact that Brittany actually brings herself to ask Santana if they can seekadult help regarding their relationship troubles in episode 2x15 shows just howmuch the issue means to her. Normally, Brittany would never suggest seekingoutside counsel, but in that case she wants so badly to set things to rightsbetween her and Santana that she petitions Santana to approach Holly Holliday.Her love for Santana outweighs her fear of making herself vulnerable.

Brittanydoes want to graduate high school. She does want to be with Santana andcontinue their relationship. She wants to escape Lima. She wants to prove thenaysayers wrong. She wants to start a new life somewhere where she’s notnegatively stereotyped and looked down on by everyone. She wants to livehappily ever after with the woman she loves. She wants all of these thingsdesperately, more than anyone really knows.

But she alsodoesn’t know how to get what she wants.

She feelsboxed in and like her situation is hopeless.

So she justtailspins until she crashes.

—and thetruly tragic thing is that nobody notices what’s happening with her until it’stoo late, either because they remain oblivious (like Santana) or because theyare apathetic (like Brittany’s teachers, coaches, and guidance counselors).

Per usual,Glee tried to play the situation for laughs, but there’s really nothing allthat funny about Brittany’s academic failures at all.

Like manystudent athletes, Brittany is a kid whose physical abilities have been valuedover her learning. As long as she’s helping the Cheerios to winchampionships—and make no mistake, like Quinn and Santana, Brittany is one ofSue’s superstars, whose dance and choreography talents are one of the main advantagesthat make the squad elite—then nobody cares if she struggles in her classes.It’s all about what she can do for the school and not what the school can dofor her.

Of course,in Brittany’s case, there’s even an added element of administrative apathy atplay beyond the usual “Just pass the girl so she’s competition eligible” bit.

Because ofthe way she thinks and acts, her teachers assume that she incapable of and/ordisinterested in learning. They allow their annoyance and exasperation with herto supersede whatever obligation they might feel to provide her with a realeducation.

The sad reality is that no one’s going to go out of theirway to teach a girl that they consider a) a nuisance to have in class; b)incapable of learning; and c) someone for whom grades don’t really matteranyhow, given that she’s one of the moving parts in Sue Sylvester’schampionship cheerleading machine.

So that’show Brittany makes it through grades nine, ten, and eleven: By being passedfrom hand to hand, with the faculty and administration turning a blind eye towhat’s happening because, ultimately, no one really cares about her educationanyway.

But thenBrittany enters grade twelve, and for whatever reason this system suddenlyfalls apart. Though she has previously made passing grades—some of themostensibly without Sue’s “help”—the coursework in her senior year gets thebetter of her.

Maybe thetwelfth grade material proves substantially more difficult than the eleventhgrade material. Maybe years of inadequate learning finally catch up to her. (Ifone never masters the basics of a given subject, then one can’t very wellnavigate more advanced material, after all.) Maybe the stress in her family andsocial life so distracts her from her schoolwork that she is no longer able to juggle it all, and she ends up dropping the academic ball. Maybe herteachers finally have enough of her antics and decide to grade her punitively. Maybea confluence of issues affects her.

Whatever thecase, she fails.

That no onein the WMHS administration takes an interest in her case is a tragedy. Thatshe doesn’t feel safe enough to ask any of her teachers or coaches for help isutterly heartbreaking. Particularly when we compare her story to Puck’s, thenumerous ways in which the system has failed her become painfully apparent.

No childshould flunk out of school because her teachers find her annoying.

—andespecially not when she is willing to learn, if only given the chance.

Throughouther time at WMHS, we frequently see Brittany taking notes in her classes andvolunteering answers during lectures, incorrect though some of those answerscertainly are. She isn’t a girl who sleeps through her schooldays or cutsclasses or goofs off. She’s trying her best. And as the way she really comesinto her own after she leaves WMHS proves, she isvery much capable of learning, albeit at her own pace and in her own way.

Imagine howvery different Brittany’s story could have been if even one teacher had realizedher potential—or had even just given her a chance of any kind. 

Not onlywould it perhaps have been possible for her to graduate with the rest of herclass, but her genius could have been recognized sooner. The entire course of her life could have been changed for the better.

As thingsare, Brittany eventually succeeds inspite of her experiences in the education system, not because of them.

Hers remainsa sobering story.

Anyway.

Then, toanswer your second question:

No, I don’tthink Brittany drops the “—if it were, Santana and I would be dating” line onpurpose. I honestly think it’s a slip on her part.

Here’s thething:

ThoughBrittana don’t get a lot of foreground development during S1, they do have asubtle subtextual, “in the background” storyline that centers on the tension between howSantana thinks they need to be versus how they really are.

Whilethey’re both truly happiest when they’re monogamous with each other, Santanacontinually insists that they maintain publicly visible sexual relationshipswith popular boys at the same time that they’re sleeping with each other—youknow, to project at least the illusion of “straightness.”

However,despite her interest in appearing “heterosexual,” Santana is never able to keepup her sexual relationships with boys for long. Puck inevitably cheats on her.Finn inevitably turns back to Rachel. She invariably ends up back in amonogamous sexual relationship with Brittany, who is more than happy with thearrangement, given that she and Santana are actually in love. The cycle repeatsitself ad nauseum, until eventually, between episodes 1x10 and 1x13, Santanaand Brittany fall into a prolonged period of exclusivity with eachother.

During thistime, they’re sleeping together, plus doing all of their regular “best friend”things—you know, like sharing meals and going out to movies and sittingtogether in the back of the class and writing each other cute notes andcuddling and linking pinkies and generally being, you know, GIRLFRIENDS—whichis why Brittany feels confused about the status of their relationship.

Santana hastold over and over again that just because you’re having sex with someonedoesn’t mean you’re also dating them.

But she andSantana aren’t just having sex. They’re also doing all sorts of relationship-ystuff. Plus, you know, they’re in love with each other.

So doesn’tthat mean that they’re dating?

That’s thequestion that’s in Brittany’s mind going into the infamous party line scene inepisode 1x13.

To quoteextensively from thispost:

During S1,Santana feels secure in her arrangements with Brittany as long as she maintainsa sexual relationship with Puck and he brags about it around school. As long aseveryone knows that Santana has sex with a hot boy and “likes it,” then Santanafeels safe to also have sex with Brittany, per her own druthers. Even afterSantana and Puck officially break up circa episode 1x03, things are cool becausethey still keep having sex and Puck keeps broadcasting the fact that they do totheir peers.

But then circa episode 1x10, somethingshifts.

Though Puck and Santana continue to haveintermittent sex, Puck ceases to boast of their encounters starting around episode1x10, when he begins to woo Quinn in earnest, trying to prove his worthiness asa father and partner to her.

When Puck ceases to brag, Santana getsnervous and feels as if he has rejected her. Is she doing something wrong?Doesn’t he like it anymore? Does he know her secret?

In episode 1x11, Santana sexts Puck in adesperate attempt to rekindle his interest in her, but her efforts don’t panout. Pucktana likely stop sleeping together between episodes 1x11 and 1x13,and, when they do, it likely causes Santana to fear immensely for herreputation.

Ironically, though the thing Santana mostfears in losing Puck as her beard is that people will find out the truth abouther relationship with Brittany, Santana can’t help but run to Brittany when shefeels Puck’s attentions waning. She panics her way right into Brittany’s bed,seeking the approval, affection, acceptance, and validation there that shedoesn’t get from Puck. In so doing, she probably reveals some emotionalvulnerability or even neediness to Brittany.

Considering that Brittany is in love withher, it’s hard for Brittany not to read significance into her actions and thinkthat they signal something big.

Hint: They do.

Brittany starts thinking more and moreabout what’s going on between her and Santana. Since Santana isn’t dating Puckanymore, maybe Santana could date Brittany instead.

It’s because Brittany has the idea ofdating Santana in her mind—and heart—that she blurts it out to the group in1x13.

“Sex isn’t dating.”

“—if it were, Santana and I would bedating.”

It’s Brittany voicing what’s in her heartbefore she can really stop herself.

That she has no premeditated intention ofouting herself and Santana is clear from the look on her face the second thewords leave her mouth and she realizes what she’s just said. She spoke what wasmeant to be a private thought aloud, and she’s scared to death about what theconsequences might be now that she has. She immediately glances to Santana,gauging her reaction, wondering how badly she’s just fucked up theirrelationship. Though the conversation quickly moves on from that point, herheartbeat most likely doesn’t resume a normal pace for minutes afterward.

Anyway, I’ve jabbered for a good, ol’long while now.

Thanks for the questions!

[thatrandogirl]

Real Advice For Freshman Year

By an incoming Sophomore

- If you need to memorize something, instead of cramming half an hour before, do it 10 minutes every day over the corse of a week, it gets in your long term memory and it's much easier to remember

- Drama will happen, being with people you care about for around 35 hours a week will inevitably result in some arguments and fights. Just try to not do anything rash while you're mad, remember to keep a calm head, apologize for things that you did wrong, and try to avoid it if possible in the future if you were in the wrong on something. But if you always have fights with someone or they deliberately argue with you for no reason, consider dropping them, you don't need that in your life. It doesn't matter how long you've known them, if they aren't good for you, drop them.

- Try not to procrastinate, it will be the death of you. If you have a 2 page paper due at the end of the week don't do the whole thing the night before it's due, work on it bit by bit throughout the week. But procrastination is inevitable. It's not the worst thing you can do but I don't recommend it.

- Get enough sleep.

- Aim to wake up at a reasonable time so if you're ever late you have time if you rush.

- About waking up, know when to wake up and know when is the absolute latest you can wake up without being too late, set an alarm for when you regularly wake up and a different alarm sound for the absolute latest so if you wake up at the absolute latest alarm you know to get the fuck up.

- Always carry pads with you if you have a vagina. Not just for you but let your other friends know you have them. The worst thing is getting your period and having no pad and it's a lifesaver if someone else can lend one so you don't have to suffer the whole day. You will be in that position a few times in your life and you will need to borrow a pad from someone so be that someone for others having an emergency. Guys this is also for y'all too, if you have friends who go through Satan's waterfall once a month and you can, keep a pad or two in your backpack and let them know you have one if they need it. Getting your period unprepared is the worst thing.

- Mind your manners, don't be rude

- This should go without saying but if you do drugs don't let your teachers know, this comes from experience, most of them really don't care if you smoke weed on your own time but if you tell them they have to report you. Keep it to yourself.

- Do your summer homework, it starts the year off on a good note, and it gives a good impression if you have it ready on the first day.

- Highschool isn't a bad as you think it will be, it's really chill, hang out with people you like, do things you like, and it won't be that bad. The best way I've heard it described is that it's just a bunch of sleep deprived kids trying not to get yelled at by their parents.

- Maybe it's different in your school but upperclassmen really don't care about underclassmen. They aren't going to bully you, they honestly probably don't care about you, they're just trying to get their grade and leave.

- Find a club you like and join it if possible. It looks better on college applications and it occupies you and gives you a sense of purpose.

- Do your homework, it really adds up if you don't do it and it will kick your ass of you try to make it all up the week before grades are due.

- Worry about yourself before you worry about other people.

- Talk to your teachers if you have a chance to, if they know you can be civil and normal with them they'll be better grading you. Remember they're normal people with lives outside of the classroom. If you don't particularly dislike them it's a good idea to befriend them in a way so they're nicer to you.

- If you need to turn something in and it's half way done, turn it in. Half credit will ALWAYS be better than no credit. Take the credit you can get.

- Highschool movies are lies highschool isn't really anything like that.

- Sounds cheesy but be yourself. You might have to put yourself out there a little bit just be yourself. In my experience if you're just yourself you will find others like you and you and people like you will gravitate to each other. They might not always be the perfect person but you might find some good people like that.

- A tip I've used is if you need to figure out something's symbolism, mainly in English, but if they ask you like what's an abject that symbolizes this character, look up flower language and just look for a flower that matches their personality and use that, it's quick and makes you look good.

- Have something to do in your free time other than your phone because sometimes you might not be able to use it but you'll have free time in a class so do your homework, or if you don't have any, have a book to read or a coloring page or something so you won't be bored out of your mind. Having to sit in a chair doing nothing for an hour is extremely annoying.

- Know where you're going in the hallway, stick to the correct side to avoid traffic.

- Physical fights aren't worth it, avoid them if they're not necessary but if you need to defend yourself don't hesitate to do so.

- Self care is important. Maybe buy yourself a bath bomb and save it for a particularly hard week and take a long bath. Maybe call your friend and talk to them after school. Maybe instead of starting on your homework as soon as possible put it off a few hours and read a book to destress. Life is twice as hard to get through if you're stressed the whole time. Take time for yourself if you need it. Know what your mind needs to stave off the stress that you will get about school, life, and family.

- Take a minute before you go to sleep and lay out your outfit for the next day. Especially if you need to wear something specific the next day like a uniform or a color. It saves you time in the morning and since you're not in a zombie fog after waking up you're less likely to forget something.

- HOMEWORK FOLDER. Get a folder, put it in your main binder or backpack or whatever. Label the left side "Unfinished" and the right side "Completed", when you get a homework assignment put it in the left side, when you get halfway through an assignment put it in the left side, when you finish a homework assignment put it in the right side, when your teacher gives you a worksheet and says "have this for next class don't lose it" put it in the right side. Put everything in there and you won't lose it. I can't guarantee you'll do it that's up to you but you'll know where it is. And it's so satisfying to see a thin left side and a thick right side.

- Just because you got all As in middle school doesn't mean you'll get all As in highschool, it's a lot harder and the grading is stricter. Don't panic the first time you get a B.

- Try to stay on top of your grades. It's a lot easier to maintain a good grade than it is to boost a bad grade. That is 100% personal experience.

- If you get a bad grade on something that you tried your best at or were proud of it'll hurt, but just remember that doesn't define you. It's easier to write off a bad grade if you didn't put in as much effort but seeing a grade you don't love on something you worked hard at is disheartening. Don't loose hope, it might not be with you it might just be the teacher was looking for something different or you just didn't do as well as you hoped. Take the bad experience and work harder and smarter next time.

- Stay on top of your easy grades especially. In my gym class as long as we dress in our uniform and do something we'll get credit, so it's my easiest class to get an A in. So if you get a good grade with minimal effort take it and it'll be a much needed boost for your GPA.

- Set realistic long term and short term goals for yourself. They'll help you, give you something to work towards, and put you in a good mood when you achieve them. For example my long term goal is to graduate highschool and get into a college I'm okay with with at least a partial scholarship. My short term goal is to do as much of my homework as possible and to get higher than a 80% in every class I can.

- Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard. Know what you're good and and know what you're not so good at, adjust your goals accordingly. If you're not very good at science don't set your goal for science class as a 95% or higher set it at 80% or higher. My goal that I go for is to try my best to get a B or higher in every quarter grade, the grades are good and it's not impossibly stressing me out if I get a bad grade on a quiz and it brings my grade down 2 points.

- Try to remember that as much as you have the right to drop people who are toxic or not good for you from your life, other people are allowed to drop you just the same. It might be your fault it might not. As long as they don't do it in a bad way respect their decision. I feel like this self care culture doesn't pay enough attention to that part of life. Sometimes you aren't good for people weather you did something or not and you're going to have to accept it. It hurts but other people deserve to be happy just as much as you weather you're in their happiness or not. If they do it in a bad way yes you can be mad at them, if they do it in a good way you're allowed to hurt, but keep it in mind.

- Try to find something that motivates you or inspires you. Maybe it's a song or a piece of art or an episode in a show you like, have that and look or listen to it whenever you feel lost or something important is about to happen. Mine is a speech by Neil Gaimen in 2012 called "Make Good Art"

That's all I can think of right now I'll almost certainly add more later as I think of them. Feel free to add more yourself if I missed anything. Good luck to all the freshmen! I hope this helps you

[sloblesbian]

been doing a new years resolution & reflection post every year since 2014 so im gonna continue that trend. 

personally this was a really great year for me. it’s very weird. things are objectively bad. if you think too much about the future things start to fall apart. there isn’t anything to rely on, outside of my own ability, and that’s limited in what i can do without support. but. it’s not hopeless. i dream a lot of finally graduating and getting a job that will keep me more than just barely afloat, and of what that could mean for me... i won’t graduate for at least 2 year (i need 56 more credits-- i think after 2 years i’ll have 2 more classes to get in, unless i manage either some summer courses or 2 semesters of 5 classes, both of which are unlikely) and even then i know finding a job is hard. theoretically i could start now but i find it difficult to work 30 hours a week and go to school. i’m also afraid that i might make less at an entry level job than at my current job... but maybe this summer i will apply at some bookstores & libraries. 

also... i really love my girlfriend. she’s coming to stay with me for 2 weeks in march and i am so excited. it’s been a good year for us. every day i talk to her and she really understands and like, gets me you know? i am amazed and i fall in love some more. 

also i accomplished a ton in 2017. maybe not the things i set out to (i finished 1 sock that i started last november, lol, and the only short stories i read were a few online and for school) but i transferred to RIC. i only took 2 classes because i couldnt register till june but i got As in both of them and my gpa is a 4.0 which has never happened in my LIFE. i’m excited about the classes i’m starting this month, and after i finish spanish & anthropology i should only have english classes from then on out. i wouldn’t say i love my current job but it’s miles better than working in retail. it’s less stressful and while i’m generally working less hours i am making a little bit more. it feels necessary & helpful as opposed to being in an endless capitalism machine that only exists to grind me down for unreasonable standards. 

but i did read 100 books which was real touch & go for a while.. the first couple months of 2017 i barely read & felt like i had lost my ability to plow thru a ton of books, then the middle of the year i caught up & jumped ahead... fell behind, etc. i finished my last book on the 28th though. i read a lot of comics; my page count for this year is way down, but it doesn’t matter. that’s still damn impressive. 

and for things i didn’t plan at all but still accomplished: i wrote 4 pieces of fiction this year. i mean. they’re all fanfiction, which isn’t really something i even read never mind write, which i think is maybe??? sort of even more impressive? i’m going to try and write some original stuff in the coming year but like. right after nanowrimo, my friends and i, who were previously in the fictional coalition of writers who don’t write, uh, all started writing. which is great. but i mean. i started writing in february? march? i wrote a 10k word fic, and then a short follow up, a short pjo thing, and i wrote another 6000 words this month but it’s not on ao3 cause it’s like... a complementary piece to something that isn’t finished yet, lol. overall about 20k words which isn’t too much in the long run but i like that i wrote 4 completed pieces. it’s nice because i had sort of let myself give up on writing because... i mostly don’t enjoy it. i don’t like scrounging for ideas. but i do like planning things out enough, outlining what i want to happen, and then writing the whole thing. it’s like writing a list and then accomplishing it which... as u know, i love. as far as i can tell uhh most people don’t need to do this. i really have to know like. the end trajectory of a piece before i start writing. i don’t have to know every detail but if i am confused to where it’s going i can’t write it. i’m not great at ideas but i am good at making things happen. it feels nice to accomplish something creative, when i basically haven’t since i uhhh dropped out of art school. 

also, i wrote 47 reviews, which, damn! i (read: my bff & roommate mags) put up a new website, even if it is going to come down this month (i think. i wanna transfer everything first) and i wrote a review nearly every week and a lot of them were good. like. that’s a lot of writing, between fiction & what have u, what category do my dumb reviews fall under. 

(FOOD/DIET warning i dont wanna put it in the tags of the post just skip this paragraph) oh also i cut dairy & eggs (& also gelatin & honey, i guess) out of my diet, & i feel very very good about it (also i think i lost something like 20 lbs-- i don’t weigh myself but uhhh thats good thats very good). when i stopped eating meat in 2010 i lived with my mom & my intention was to one day go vegan but like... i didn’t want to put the strain on her & also i sometimes struggle with food things. but it’s gone really well. it’s nice. feel good. love to cook. very good at it. 

so like...... a really good year for me. here’s what i want out of 2018

i’m cutting my reading goal down specifically because i don’t think it’s something that can grow exponentially and i think the main reason i was able to accomplish it was because i didn’t have too much school this year. when i started setting goals for myself in 2012 my original goal was 50 books; that’s what we’re going back to.

every year (except 2016 when i was realistic) i told myself i would read more short stories & knit more. i’m hoping that having less to read (which i prioritize over all other hobbies) will give me more time. also i have a desk & a chair set up which... idk... helps? i put some knitting stuff there & grafted the toe of a sock the other day, so i hope it does, at least. i read a short story yesterday so i hope that’s a portent for 2018. i want to finish the time travelers almanac at least. i have a lot of collections and i do enjoy them. it’s just easier to get through novels than anything else. 

if u follow my twitter you have probably heard me say this but: 2018 is the year of the video game for me. im, uh, terrible at games- im fairly certain i have dyspraxia, at least mildly (im wildly, wildly uncoordinated)- but for a while i was playing a few because i had done it enough that i had gotten better..... well, this year i played persona 5, which i really loved like. more than any video game in a long time. i know a lot of people were disappointed with aspects of it (rightly so) but i had never played another persona game so i think that probably shaped my opinion some, and also, i think p5 dealt with issues that i really love to see in fiction & generally don’t, even if it ultimately dropped the ball. anyway. it kind of revitalized my interest, and i want to play more. i have p4 that i want to get through. i never finished usum. i have a bunch of games on steam & mags let me sign into their steam library too & they have about 400 games (thats not an exaggeration). i wanna replay me2&3 for sid. i want to practice so i can play games that are more difficult than i usually do. (mass effect being the sole fps i can play, usually i can only play very linear rpgs (think pokemon & dragon age) and uhhh puzzle games, god i love puzzle games) 

so, more concretely:

read 50 books

try to read more short stories

knit more

play video games

do well in school

that sounds good. happy new year.

[frivoloussuits]

Not Just a Great Lawyer

At the tender age of 21 Harvey Specter storms into the Chilton Hotel, prepared to do battle. His weapons of choice are a well-tailored suit and a briefcase full of cat hair.

Word count: ~3k Rating: G Relationships: Gen

Written for @suits100​, prompt 85-- “Role reversal: lawyer!Mike and dropout!Harvey.”

Mike Ross, Pearson-Hardman’s newest senior partner, is mildly bored by his associate interviews.

It’s not that he expected anyone to match him for sheer intellect, but there are other sorts of genius, other qualities that can catch his interest, and these cookie-cutter Harvard kids haven’t got any of them. He toys with the idea of asking Norma to screen them and kick the least promising out but hasn’t got the heart to actually do it, so he resigns himself to another six unremarkable interviews.

And if he starts replaying movies in his head every time a candidate starts reciting an obviously rehearsed answer-- seriously, Mike recognizes one word for word from a years-old Glassdoor thread-- who would blame him?

The second-to-last slot of the day is empty, so Mike busies himself into one of his current cases. He’s half-way through scanning a patent specification when there’s a knock on the door.

“Rick Sorkin?”

“Actually”—the door opens, and a man swaggers in—“I’m Harvey Specter, and I’m . . . You’re not Louis.”

Mike’s new to Pearson-Hardman’s office politics, but he never imagined someone would be upset to find him in a room instead of Louis Litt. Still, Harvey’s smirk is fading right in front of his eyes. Mike looks him up and down-- he looks young, more like a college kid than a graduate of law school, yet he’s dressed in the smartest suit Mike’s seen today, his hair carefully slicked back, a briefcase in his hand.

“No, I’m Mike Ross. I know Louis is typically in charge of hiring junior lawyers and staff, but since these are interviews for my personal associate I asked to handle them myself.” He frowns for a moment, trying to identify why he knows Harvey’s name. “You’re not in my stack of resumes, though.”

“No, I’m not.” There’s something sharp in how he says it, though his expression has turned utterly impassive. “I’m sorry I bothered you, Mr. Ross. I’ll show myself out.”

As he turns to go, Mike remembers. “You’re from the mailroom, aren’t you?”

“Hang on--” Harvey whips back around with widened eyes-- “the memory trick’s real?”

Mike stares for a moment and then bursts out laughing. “You sure you can’t stay for a couple minutes? I suspect you’re the most interesting visitor I’ve had all day.”

He offers his hand. Harvey considers it for a moment, shrugs, and advances to take it. The moment they touch, the latches on Harvey’s briefcase give out, dropping papers, photographs, and a baggie of cat hair around their feet.

Harvey doesn’t look down, doesn’t even blink. He just keeps his eyes on Mike’s and sighs, “I think I just proved it.”

“This is a solid case,” Mike remarks, poring over the affidavits and transcripts and other evidence that Harvey has arranged on the Chilton desk, “And it shows that he’s opened the firm to multiple workplace harassment suits. How come Jessica hasn’t squashed this behavior?”

“Because nobody tells her,” Harvey answers. “Harold and the other victims of Mr. Litt are understandably terrified of all the upper-level management in the firm, they’d never report anything he does. The reason they talked to me is that I’m basically the polar opposite of upper-level management.”

Mike touches a record, complete with pictures and a bag of the offending material, of Harold Gunderson’s ER visit following a near-fatal allergic reaction to cat hair, and he murmurs, “This kid could have died.”

“Yep. Everyone knows Louis is out of control, but nobody’s actually put together a case.”

“Except you.”

“Well, Louis would say a guy from the mailroom is nobody. Only thing he uses me for is being a fake associate.”

Mike blinks and looks up at Harvey. “What do you mean?”

“He planted me with the first-year associates when they started work, had me pretend to slack off on my assignments, and then he fake-fired me to scare the rest of them straight.”

“Jesus!”

“At least I got a good deal out of it,” he snorts. “He bought me this suit so I’d look the part, just before he reminded me that this was the closest I'll ever get to being a real lawyer."

Harvey says this matter-of-factly, as if it doesn’t phase him, but Mike still winces. “Why’d you go to the trouble of investigating him? This can’t have been easy to put together.”

“Would you believe it was out of the goodness of my heart?”

“Not for a second.”

"Why-- because I tried to approach Louis with the case?"

"Yep. If you just wanted him to change his ways, you probably would have gone straight to Jessica, and you definitely wouldn’t have tried so hard to make sure all your key evidence could be admitted in court.”

"To be fair,” Harvey says, “I was actually going to ask him to stop nearly killing his coworkers."

"Maybe, but that wasn't your main goal. You were going to blackmail Louis into giving you something else." Mike narrows his eyes as he figures it out. "A job. What position, though? Legal Document Services, secretary, librarian . . .”

“Paralegal.”

“Do you have official credentials? A degree in Paralegal Studies?"

"Didn't finish college. What I do have, though, is the ability to interview even reluctant witnesses, and organize evidence, and figure out strategy, and find precedent,” he says, pointing to papers on the desk that demonstrate each skill. "I've also gotten pulled onto doc review before-- long story, and I don’t think I can legally tell you most of it-- and I got last year's summer associate to pawn off frankly staggering amounts of his workload onto me."

"That’s fairly impressive experience, for someone supposedly confined to the mailroom.”

“I’ve done a hell of a lot more in this firm than my job title would suggest,” Harvey declares, voice warm with pride. “Unfortunately, nobody rational is going to willingly hire a paralegal who didn’t finish college, so I figured I needed the blackmail to give Louis a kick in the pants.”

“And what if Louis heard this entire case, and then he just fired you anyway? Would you have threatened Jessica next?”

“I like being alive too much to try that,” he replies immediately. A few moments later, he adds, “I like Jessica too much, too. I’d have just turned the evidence over to her in the hopes that she’d somehow be impressed enough to hire me, and if not I’d go . . . and move on.”

There’s something earnest in his eyes as he says it, as he claims that he’d never actually make good on his bluff and sue the firm, and Mike wants to believe him. Still, he knows Harvey might only be backing down from that possibility because his master plan’s going awry right now.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mike says, internally flinching as he takes a hard line, “because I’m not going to let you blackmail Jessica. Hell, I’m not going to even let you go back and blackmail Louis, though I do intend to let Jessica know of the complaints against him so she can deal with them. If you go against the firm to advance your own career, I can and will bury your suit and then bankrupt you with a countersuit.”

“You just said I had a solid case--” Harvey protests.

“--against most lawyers, sure, it’s solid. I’ve already found six, no, seven ways to tear it apart.”

“What openings did I leave?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“You could just be bluffing.”

“You’ve heard about me, my ‘memory trick,’ as you called it. When it comes to sheer legal prowess, I don’t need to bluff.  And let’s just say the fact that you’ve explicitly put this forward for personal gain doesn’t do you any favors.”

Harvey doesn’t stumble or cower as Mike expected. Instead, he leans forward, apparently intrigued by the challenge. “If you’re going to turn Louis in, can I at least present the evidence to Jessica myself and ask for a job?”

Mike opens his mouth to answer that he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what the hell you’re supposed to do in a situation like this, but then he notices at the clock. “It’s 4:02, where’s my actual interviewee?”

“Oh, about that . . .” Harvey shifts in his seat, trying to put on a guilty expression and not quite succeeding. “I met with him earlier this morning and paid him not to show up.”

“What?” Mike splutters.

“I figured I might need the extra time with Louis, and anyway it’s not like Rick Sorkin was going to get the job.”

“Why-- why would you possibly think that?”

“Well, if his GPA didn’t disqualify him, the fact that he settled for half of what I was willing to pay should.”

He says it so straightforwardly that Mike bursts out laughing. “I can’t believe I just heard that.”

“I can’t believe I walked into a fake job interview with a briefcase full of cat hair,” Harvey smirks, “yet here we are.”

Mike looks at him, takes a deep breath, and then shakes his head. “Really though, what am I missing here?”

“What do you mean?”

"You're obviously smart, motivated, good with people-- maybe too good-- and the fact that you're in the mailroom suggests you're also detail-oriented and well-organized."

"So how does someone like me end up a deadbeat dropout?"

“I was going to phrase it more delicately,” he grimaces, “but yeah.”

Harvey's jaw tightens, like Mike’s genuinely caught him off-guard for the first time. "Look, I wanna get places on the strength of my skill and intellect, not because I have a good sob story."

"You sure about that? I've been told I'm a pushover for sob stories."

"Oh, yeah, you are. You actually cared about Harold Gunderson, which is not something anyone else in this city has managed.”

"I especially like sob stories where people face despair and horror and pain and come out on top. I like stories about the human spirit--” he pauses-- “and something tells me you've got an awful lot of spirit."

Harvey watches him for a second. "Tragic backstory it is, then. I'll give you the short version. My dad died last year, when I was twenty."

Though Mike doesn't say anything, something softens in his eyes, and all of the sudden the words come more easily to Harvey. "I was just starting my junior year of college, on a partial scholarship, and there was just enough money to make things work. Then my little brother got diagnosed with cancer." Something gives in Harvey’s poker face, and his frustration bleeds through as he continues, "The insurance premiums shot up, but we have to pay them somehow. My mom's an art teacher, we can't afford it on her salary, so I needed to get more money immediately. I dropped out, started working in the mailroom. Not what I wanted out of life, but I'm not going to sacrifice Marcus just for some degree."

"Can you explain to me how the paralegal job fits into this?" Mike asks, gently as he can.

"I can't pay all my bills on the mailroom job for much longer. Either I get something better here, or I quit and work retail and wait tables 16 hours a day.” When Mike raises an eyebrow, he adds, “Anything’s possible with enough Red Bull.”

“So you want the paralegal job primarily for the money?”

"Pearson-Hardman does pay its paralegals pretty damn well, but that’s not the main appeal.” Harvey takes a deep breath before admitting, “I ended up working here in the first place because I wanted to be a lawyer."

"Wanted or want?"

"Want." He straightens up and raises his chin as he says it, no doubt or hesitation in his voice.

There’s a moment of silence.

Then Mike remarks,  "Did you know I'm admitted to practice in nine jurisdictions? New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, California, all four New York district courts and the second circuit. I’m also a member of the patent bar, but I can never decide how to count that."

He sees Harvey’s initial confusion at the subject change, and then he sees that confusion morph into amazement. “Whoa-- why?”

"I don’t mind tests, and it's convenient to be admitted everywhere in this area. I took New York’s bar exam right out of law school, New Jersey’s exam wasn’t hard to pass a couple years later, and I was admitted into the Connecticut bar--”

“--on motion, because you already got in with New York,” Harvey finishes. “Why California, though?”

“California just looks nice on a resume."

"You took the California bar because it looks nice on a resume," he deadpans.

"Yep,” Mike says, smacking his lips on the “p” before murmuring, “I've been in good standing with them for . . . oh, five years, now."

He says it quietly, casually, but Harvey’s eyes widen. “Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?”

“Depends. What do you think I’m talking about?”

“Division 1, Chapter 3, Rule 4.29 of the Admissions and Educational Standards of the California Bar.”

Their eyes meet, and suddenly Mike can’t repress a grin. “Per Rule 4.26, an aspiring lawyer can skip formal law school and instead enter the California bar by studying the law diligently and in good faith in a law office. Per Rule 4.29, Section B, the attorney with whom the applicant is studying must be admitted to the active practice of law in California and be in good standing for a minimum of five years.” He considers stopping there, but Harvey’s gazing at him like he’s walking on water and he decides to indulge and show off further. “He must also personally supervise the applicant at least five hours a week, examine the applicant at least once a month on study completed the previous month, and report to the committee on the number of hours the applicant studied each week, on the books and other materials studied, etc. etc.”

“You’d be willing to do that for me?”

“Hey, it wouldn’t just be hard on me,” Mike warns him. “This would be hard work. Long hours. Longer than usual when you throw in the studying, which I doubt either of us can count towards our billable hours targets, no matter how many loopholes we use.”

“You give me this chance,” Harvey replies, eyes bright and serious, “I will work to school those Harvard associates and be the best lawyer—law student—mentee you’ve ever seen.”

“You’d be a paralegal, my dedicated paralegal. If Jessica somehow approves this,” Mike says, pulling a face, “which somehow I really doubt . . .”

“Hey,” Harvey cuts in, “you’re a lateral hire, and an amazing one, too— I’ve seen the press releases. Jessica wants to show you off and keep you here, which means she wants to make you happy. Knowing Louis, she probably had to threaten to fire him to get you control of these interviews today, there’s no way he gave these up easily, and that already demonstrates that she’s giving you a lot of leeway.”

Mike furrows his brow. “I don’t want to take advantage of her—“

“So frame it as advantageous to her.”

“How do I do that?”

“First-year associates are utterly incompetent, you know that?”

“. . . I’m aware of this fact, yes.”

“Even the ones from Harvard, they by and large have no idea what they’re doing in a real corporate setting. I’m already better adjusted than a lot of them, with more applicable work experience, and that should make up for the fact that I’m not as familiar with law. All in all, you’re getting someone only slightly more useless than a first-year associate—“

“And at half the price, even when you account for my lost productivity.”

“Exactly. And if she still complains, just offer to take on some pro bono case as punishment.”

Mike squints at him, confused. “But . . . I like pro bono cases.”

Harvey just gapes back at him before groaning, “Please tell me you didn’t tell her that.”

“No, it hasn’t come up--”

“Good. Do tons of pro bono, but make her think you hate it and that you only do it to curry favour with her. She’ll love you forever.”

Mike leans back in his chair, chuckling. “Do you know why I’m hiring you?”

“I can make an educated guess.”

“Hit me.”

“You have two main reasons. First of all, I’m the only person you’ve talked today who hasn’t bored you out of your mind. Second, you love my sob story.”

“Both true—though how you manage to make the fact that I care about your family sound pathetic is beyond me—but there’s a third reason. I think you’re going to be a lawyer whether I help you or not.”

“That’s pretty unlikely—”

“Yeah, but you seem like someone who gets what he wants, hell with the odds.” Harvey smiles as he says it, and Mike knows he’s read him right. “And going by your investigation, and your deal with Rick Sorkin, and your advice on how to break this to Jessica, you’re going to be a great lawyer.”

He pauses, but for once the kid stays quiet, waiting.

“But,” Mike continues, “it seems to me like someone told you, at some point, that it’s not okay to deal kindly with people or to care. And so, for the public good, I think I should make sure that you become not just a great lawyer—“

“But a good one.”

“Yep. That’s why I don’t just want you strong-arming Jessica into letting you work for the firm, I want you working under me, and training to be as capable and ethical a lawyer as possible. That means, incidentally, that you’ll be assisting me on all my many, many pro bono cases.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Harvey says. He doesn’t put much effort into disguising the sarcasm.

Mike just laughs. “Well then, I’m emailing the firm I just found my new assistant.”

[thedefinitionofbts]

Our First and Last (Ch. 6)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | 

Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 (Final)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (MAIN) | Park Jimin x Kim Taehyung | Jung Hoseok x Min Yoongi | Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Soulmate Au, Scifi

Words: 3K

You were walking out of your fourth session with Dr. Kim, overall feeling the same as always, but one thing had really sparked your interest this time around.

This had been one of the most eventful sessions you’ve ever had, and it had nothing to do with the session itself. For one, Dr. Park had randomly burst into the room and you found out Dr. Kim likes to call him “Jiminie”. Two, it was the first time you ever saw Dr. Park, the guy who supposedly runs the clinic with Dr. Kim, and three, he happened to mention a new patient that sounded awfully like the famous researcher Hoseok showed you the other day.

You quietly close the door to Dr. Kim’s office as you leave, feeling the curiosity and hoard of thoughts and questions making their way into your head.

MD-PhD neurosurgeon named Dr. Jeon…. Could it be?

Overwhelmed by the thought of it and unable to contain the growing need to share this new information with someone, you quickly pull your phone out of your pocket and message the one person you thought of.

You: hobi, you won’t BELIEVE what just happened at the clinic

J-Hobi: some guy ran out naked and puked all over the floor????

You: what? NO! how is that the first thing you think of?

J-Hobi: LOL jk jk so what happened?

You: so that famous neuroscientist/surgeon guy might be the new patient at the clinic i go to. heard one of the psychologists mention a dr. jeon today

J-Hobi: dr. jeon jungkook? no way. there are plenty of doctors named jeon, it could just be a coincidence.

You: sure there could be lots of jeons, but how many md-phd neurosurgeons named dr. jeon! think about it man.

J-Hobi: …..i mean, yeah that’s a good point…..but he can’t possibly be struggling with depression, can he?

You: idk who knows….

“Good Morning Dr. Jeon” Jimin cheerfully greets Jungkook for the first time, despite seeing the obvious look of annoyance plastered over the neurosurgeon’s face. It wasn’t exactly what the psychologist had looked forward to upon opening the door, but he knew Jungkook had agreed to enter the clinic against his own will.

He had at least hoped an MD-PhD neurosurgeon would be more professional when it came to psychological therapy, but apparently even that was too much to ask.

“Do you have any specific goals for your treatment?” Jimin asks, after going through the list of basic questions in which Jungkook had half-heartedly replied with either one-worded answers to or just straight up bs-ed.

“Cut the crap. You know I’m only doing this for Yoongi” Jungkook finally says, after having enough of what he deemed as a “complete waste of his time”. He looks at the pink haired psychologist, eyeing his motions and scoffing every time he would pick up his pen to jot down notes.

“Right” Jimin sighs and nods his head, thinking this is going to be exponentially harder than he had anticipated.

There’s a knock on the door, and Jimin almost lets out a sigh of relief, knowing that, at least for a brief moment, Jungkook’s judgmental glare would stop shooting arrows at his soul.

“Come in” Jimin says, as he looks at the door, praying that it was Taehyung on the other side.

He feels another rush of relief as he sees the golden skinned psychologist peak his head in.

“Oh, is this not a good time?” Taehyung says when he sees Jungkook sitting across from Jimin, legs crossed and hands inside his pockets.

“Ummm” Jimin wants to say no, this is perfect timing, but obviously that wasn’t an option because of the clinic’s policy.

“It’s fine. I’m done here anyways.” Jungkook says, standing up, grabbing his trench coat, and walking out of the room. After he closes the door to Jimin’s office, Taehyung turns back to Jimin, with a questioning look spread across his face.

“Was that��?”

Jimin nods and covers his face with his hands.

“Applications are due soon!” Hoseok shouts as he runs into the library toward the table you were sitting at, with all your textbooks and notes spread out in a messy array as if a tornado had just swept through the area.

“Shhh, Hobi, people are studying” You whisper sharply, while looking around to see if people are disturbed by the noise, luckily everyone is too busy cramming. Hoseok gives you an apologetic look and sits down in the chair next to you.

“Have you applied yet?” Hoseok asks.

You nod. “Yeah, I turned my application in yesterday” You answer, thinking about how long it took for you to write a descent cover letter and brush up your resume.

“Have you?” You turn to Hoseok, whose lips have formed a wide smile.

“Nope” He says.

“What?! You didn’t apply?” Now it’s his turn to remind you to be quieter in the library. “But you’re the one who was so into his research, and now you’re not applying?”

“Yeah, so I thought about it for the past couple of weeks and realized I’m more drawn to the thought of caring for patients, so I’m just going to apply for medical school instead.” Hoseok explains.

“Well, I’m mean, you could do the whole MD-PhD program.”

“Are you kidding? Medical school is hard enough as it is, do you want me to die?!”

You laugh at his over the top response.

“Just be glad I’m dropping out of the game so your chances have gone up” Hoseok says grinning slyly.

“But were you really much of a competition to begin with?” You joke, earning you a playful punch in the arm by Hoseok.

“Well, anyways, I’m going to leave you to your studying. Keep that GPA up now,” He reminds you as he walks out of the library.

You had been reading for a little over three hours before the words on the page of your textbook start to fade out of focus, like your brain was refusing to absorb any more information. You look out the large glass windows of the library for a few minutes and see that it was a nice sunny afternoon. Some students had even opted to study outside, which looks really appealing right about now. You didn’t want to carry all your stuff outside, so you decide to just take a brief walk around campus and come back to study some more later.

You walk across the courtyard of the library and continue along the path that extends to the duck pond where students liked to go to feed their expired bread to the different species of birds around there. It was late afternoon, and despite the dense arbors of the trees that lined the path, the warm hues of the sunlight shone through the gaps in the leaves, casting mosaic shadows on the sidewalk. The sky was clear, so blue it looked like a painting and there was a gentle breeze that was barely strong enough to lift strands of your hair.

When you reach the duck pond, you notice that there aren’t as many students as there normally are, most likely due to the infamous finals week that signaled pending doom for most students who liked to procrastinate and cram a semester’s worth of knowledge into one week or even one night. There was, however, a girl, sitting on a bend at the edge of the pond, reading a book, and some older couples feeding the ducks.

You walk around the pond, watching the geese wobble around the grass and two swans, swimming elegantly on the surface of the dark water; one was porcelain white and the other was a deep cool-toned black. You were just about to turn your head to look at another part of the pond, when you stumble on an uneven part of the sidewalk. Losing your footing, you almost fall flat on your face, but someone catches you just in time.

“Careful there, are you ok?” You hear a familiar deep voice ask, as the man catches you before you hit the ground.

“Oh Sorry” You apologize while looking up and seeing the familiar handsome face of Dr. Kim Taehyung, your primary psychologist, staring down at you in surprise.

“Y/N?”

“Dr. Kim? Wha-What are you doing here?”

Your astonished expression must’ve seemed way too over the top, because Dr. Kim just laughs. This was the first time you had bumped into him outside the clinic, which also entailed the first time seeing him in normal clothes and without glasses. He was wearing a pale salmon colored button up that was tucked into his black slacks, and his cologne with vanilla hints was extra noticeable in contrast to the faint musky smell of the great outdoors.

“I’m waiting for Jimin” He says, before realizing he’s just casually addressed Dr. Park by his first name. He feels slightly awkward, but decides since it’s not working hours that there’s no need to be so formal.

“I see.”

“This is your university right?” Taehyung asks.

“Yeah, I’m taking a study break.”

He nods.

“So do you guys meet up here often?” You ask, wondering why they chose to come here of all places.

Taehyung chuckles and looks down at his feet for a moment. “We come here on this day every year.” He says. “It was where we first met, back when we were students here.”

“Oh, this is your alma mater?” You ask, surprised to find out this new piece of information.

He nods again.

“Taehyung!”

You hear someone call Dr. Kim’s name from behind him, and soon you see the pale pink hair of the petite psychologist pop up from behind as he jumps on Taehyung’s back, unaware that you were standing in front of him.

“Oh, Y/N, I didn’t see you there” Jimin says when he spots you. He quickly hops off of Taehyung, and puts his hands in his pockets, composing himself again.

“Hi, uh, Dr. Park” You say, nervously waving at him.

“Ehhh, feel free to call me Jimin. We’re not in the clinic, and we don’t have a patient-doctor relationship anyways.” Jimin says, giving you a smile.

You notice Taehyung give Jimin a wide-eyed look, perhaps warning him that they still have to be somewhat professional, but Jimin shrugs it off.

“So Y/N, has Taehyung told you about this place yet?”

“Yeah, he was sort of explaining that”

“I told her about us meeting here and attending university” Taehyung cuts in, probably before Jimin could blurt out too much.

“I mean, it wasn’t our first, first meeting-“

“Jimin!” Taehyung cuts him off.

Jimin looks at Taehyung giving him a nervous, apologetic smile. He always wore his heart on his sleeve, and was never good at keeping secrets or being confidential for that matter.

“Anyways, we’re going to see a movie later, if you want to come” Jimin says, trying to change the topic after noticing Taehyung’s change in expression.

“Uh thanks, but I have to get back to studying. You guys have a nice day!” You say hurriedly, as you wave and begin walking back to the library. You didn’t want to barge in on anymore of their privacy or take up more of their time.

After you had distanced yourself from the pair, you turn back to see if Jimin and Taehyung are still there. You faintly see their figures in the distance, walking side-by-side and holding hands. Although you can’t physically see it from where you are, you can perfectly imagine the boxy smile on Taehyung’s face and Jimin’s eyes that were probably forming half moons by now as they enjoy their little date of sorts.

They always seemed like a couple with an interesting story, and you were glad they decided to share a small piece of it with you today.

“Jungkook-ah, I’ve looked through all the applications for you, but you’re ultimately going to have to be the one to decide which of these recent graduates you want to accept into your lab.” Yoongi says, as he walks into Jungkook’s office. The latter was busy writing up another project proposal for funding his latest research. There were a pile of papers stacked on his desk, and an old cup of coffee that had gone cold ages ago.

“How many did you narrow it down to?” Jungkook asks, slowly spinning around in his seat and turning his attention to the med student, who happens to be his close friend from college and doing clinical rotations at the hospital he works at.

“There were a total of 520 applications, and I managed to narrow it down to 27” Yoongi explains. “I mean, I could cut it down more, but I thought you might want to take a look at these yourself.”

Jungkook nods. “Very well” He signals for Yoongi to place the pile of applications in the empty clearing on his desk.

“How’s the proposal coming along?”

“Good.”

Yoongi nods, his lips forming a line as he fights the urge to ask about Jungkook’s visits to the psychology clinic, knowing that the neurosurgeon despises talking about it.

“Thank you, Yoongi” Jungkook suddenly says, surprising the humble assistant. “You’ve saved me a lot of time filtering through all those applications. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Yoongi feels a brush of warmth spread through his chest. It wasn’t everyday that Jungkook would express his gratitude so openly, but whenever he did, it always felt extra special.

“Hey man, no prob” Yoongi says as he pats Jungkook on the shoulder and walks out, leaving the genius to go back to work.

“Hobi, you won’t believe what just happened” You say as you walk into the coffee shop where Hoseok has his head buried in his Organic Chemistry II textbook. He looked like a mess. The dark circles around his eyes was something you weren’t used to seeing on a daily basis, but being the biochemistry major he is, looking like a panda around finals week was the norm.

“Patient Dr. Jeon is MD-PhD Dr. Jeon?” Hoseok lifts his head, eyelids droopy but opening fully as he sees you walking toward the table by the window he was sitting at. There’s a faint coffee stain on his white t-shirt and what looks to be a drool mark on the side of his mouth running down his chin.

“Well I still don’t know about that, but this is even better”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow, not knowing what kind of exciting news you were about to break to him.

“I got accepted!” You shout as you pull out the letter that came in the mail that day.

“Whhhaaaaa!!!!” Hoseok’s face immediately lights up, and it was like his dark circles just disappeared. “This calls for a celebration!” Hoseok says all giddily, forgetting about the test that’ll determine if he can even graduate in a couple of days.

“Ok, but lets do it after our final tomorrow” You laugh.

“Dr. Jeon, are you feeling ok?” Jimin asks as he stares at the neurosurgeon sitting in front of him who has gone silent, mind spacing out, and looking detached. This was the first time Jungkook had walked into the clinic without a faint trace of hostility in his eyes and a standoffish attitude, and it concerned Jimin because such a sudden change in a patient’s demeanor meant something had probably happened. And at this moment, Jimin didn’t have a clue what it was.

“I’m fine, probably just tired” Jungkook says, voice sounding airy and loosing the firmness it used to have.

Jimin was not convinced. For one, Jungkook was always tired, and that never put a stop to his sharp words or glaring eyes. And two, the detached look in his eyes was something Jimin had never seen in any of their sessions, no matter what mood Jungkook happened to be in that day.

“Did you perform another long surgery?” Jimin asks.

Jungkook just shakes his head.

“Any new developments at the lab?” He continues to prod.

Jungkook shakes his head again.

“How have your… dreams… been recently?” Jimin asks, desperate to get something more than just a headshake from the troubled neurosurgeon.

“I stopped having them,” Jungkook says, finally bringing his eyes to meet Jimin’s.

The pink haired psychologist looks at Jungkook with surprised expression. Although he’s been working at the clinic for years, Jungkook had been one of his most challenging patients, if not THE most challenging, not only because of his guarded personality and self absorbed attitude, but also because his case was nothing like anything Jimin had dealt with before.

“They stopped at the one where I was sitting under a large oak tree, listening to a child tell a story.” Jungkook continues to explain, face still void of any emotion.

“Were you able to see the child?”

“No.”

There was a moment of silence where neither man spoke, and the only sound that could be heard in the office was the scratch of Jimin’s pen on paper.

“I can, however, feel that it’s the same person”

Jimin stops writing, and slowly lifts his head to look at Jungkook who is clearly still deep in thought.

“I just don’t understand why he or she seems to be aging backwards”

...

[saintkimora]

ok so i have lots of things to say so im just gonna put it all in one post. its how school has been going, how my relationship w caleb is going, my rpdr pre season rankings, my thoughts on bbcan5 even though i havent watched a single episode, and my progress in botw

so first its school. so i literally failed my orgo test yesterday. i gave up on the last 2 synthesis questions bc i just didnt know what to do so thats like 30 points off right there. i most likely got this other synthesis and a mechanism question wrong so honestly i prob got like a 50. he drops the lowest test grade so i just need to step it up after this but like...rip. i studied but i got all the reactions and reagents and stuff mixed up in my head bc theres so many different things yet theyre all super similar so i just couldnt keep the information straight. so rip to my gpa this semester i guess

today sociology was cancelled so i just had psych and anatomy. i fell asleep in psych and anatomy was boring 

so today i had a date w caleb and it was v nice. BUT he asked if we could bring leeann along again!!! like wtf its been not even a week since that disaster of a date and you already want to bring her again??? like he really just does not get it smh but i said yes bc i didnt want him to think i was being difficult. luckily she was busy so she couldnt come anyways

we had lots of fun in the park! he like undid my jeans and started playing w my dick while we were sitting on some concrete block and it felt like i was in one of those porn videos that take place in the woods or something. there was like no one else there obv

he did say one thing that really got me pissed though. and i didnt think too much of it at the time like i was kinda :/ but then when i got home and thought about it some more i got a little upset about it. he called me on the phone to talk as usual and i told him about it and he felt really bad about it. he didnt think much of it in the moment but after i told him it bothered me i could tell he felt really bad and honestly? good! i hope he did feel bad about it bc he was being a dick for absolutely no reason

also i found out the stuff with alex! and like its so weird bc caleb has previous interactions with like 4/6 of the other guys ive been with. so ya apparently they both worked at mpowerment together and caleb just didnt like him lol. so today alex sent me a friend request on fb and followed me on insta bc he found both bc hes friends with/follows caleb on both things. and caleb posted a pic of me on insta w a bf goal type quote but once again it was NOT a good picture of me!!! i looked sooooooo pale bc of the lighting and my facial expression idek 

so i saw alex liked the pic and THEN tonight during our phone call caleb told me that alex messaged him on fb asking if him and i were together and caleb was like yeah and alex didnt respond so caleb asked why he was asking and alex just replied with “...” like he really is cracked! idk if hes like offended or something but like idk why he would think he has any chance with me after ive literally ignored like at least 10 total texts/messages/etc from him! like smh every time i think hes finally given up he tries to come back into my life like it was a one night thing stay away! *naomi campbell/naomi smalls voice* check your asshole before you come and talk to me

so yeah. that all w that. caleb wants to take me to the movies on saturday for our next date. but also another issue im starting to have is that caleb is starting to talk a LOT about eating my ass and fucking which is getting on my nerves bc i told him that it will be a while before we get to fucking and he keeps bringing it up its like being w freddy all over again

anyways. heres my final rpdr s9 pre season rankings

KIMORA >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> aja > shea >>>>> valentina > eureka > peppermint > alexis > nina > jaymes > trinity > sasha = farrah > charlie

literally the only 3 i actually like and am interested in are the first 3. valentina i dont like that much but i feel like im gonna end up ironically liking her. the middle ones idc and sasha farrah and charlie get on my nerves. alexis was in my top 3 when the cast was first revealed but after seeing some other stuff on her idk i dont think i like her. aja moved up to second bc shes funny on twitter. kimora is my fave obv. shea i like but im kinda worried shes gonna get a boring edit

and now for bbcan5! the only bbcan season ive seen is 3 but i am officially team ika and gary! idk which one i like more but those are my top 2. sindy is 3rd karen is 4th and i guess cass is 5th. i didnt like her on s4 but from what ive seen this season i think i like her. idc about the rest. tbh i dont plan to watch a single episode i just want ika gary or sindy to win 

now for zelda botw. i just finished the vah medoh quest. so i have 2/4 divine beasts done and im going for the gerudo one next. im just hoping to finally find some cute armor in the gerudo town bc i am sick of only finding ugly clothes! for the map i think i just need 1 more tower to finish it. i also killed my first guardian today which was satisfying but not really bc i didnt even know what i was doing bc it all happened to fast lol. ive also been kinda reckless w my horses bc i wanna see what happens in one dies but they are resilient! my horse accidentally got hit w the blast from a bomb arrow when i was trying to hunt and it caught on fire and still survived! i dont wanna straight up kill it bc thats weird but i want one of these horses to die already! i feel like it would add some drama. so ya my main focus rn is just exploring while slowly doing the divine beast quests

[shapeshiftingcryptus]

My classes

I decided to make a post about the classes that I’m taking and my goals in each one. 

German:

Since I live in Germany I had no choice in this one. This is a subject in which I never had to study a lot in order to get good grades. Usually I would get a 3 on my exams, but at the beginning of this year I decided to get up my grade and started to actually study for it. On the last exam (the most important one) I reached a 2 which made me really proud. I’m hoping to get even better in this school year; but since its a new and more difficult school I’m also aware that this will be very difficult and that I’ll maybe even get a lower grade at first.

English:

In Germany you usually start getting teached English in 3rd grade. Till like 7th grade I’ve always been more moderate in this subject and couldn’t talk fluently. However, I decided to improve my English skills through watching movies and reading and now usually get a solid 2 on my exams without studying. I’m not sure how I could improve so that I’ll get even better grades but I will continue doing my best and hope that I will improve more through the now more advanced lessons.

Dutch:

This is the first year now that I’m taking this class. I actually wanted to take Spanish but there weren’t enough other students that took that class so I’m stuck with dutch. I will make the best out of this though. So far I haven’t really understood much but learning a new language is always difficult. On the first vocabulary test we wrote last week I scored a 2 and in three weeks we will be writing the first exam. I’m looking forward to it and hope I will do well!

Art:

Since I had to chose between music or art and I suck at music while I can draw pretty good I decided to take art. I usually always got a 3 in this subject, not because I’m necessarily bad at it but rather because I always disagreed with the teacher and didn’t stick to the instructions. I’m not doing any exams in this subject so I will have to do my very best in the lessons and maybe do what the teacher tells me when it comes to the main instructions. I do like the teacher though, so I’m pretty positive about this school year.

History:

I took this class because I found last years History class really interesting when we were doing the subject second world war. So far I’m not finding the lessons very interesting (we are talking about humans reacting to strangers shown on the example of Roman and Germanic people) and am not sure if I will take this class next semester too. I do have to write an exam this year so I’m gone have to do my best for now and hope it will get more interesting.

Social sciences:

This is the first year that I’m taking this class and so far I think I’m doing pretty good. The first few lessons we talked about the Bundestag elections. I’m very much interested in Politics so I had a lot to say. I’m not writing any exams in this subject this semester but I’m planing on writing one next Semester so I can write my final exams for this subject instead of for history.

Philosophy:

Also a class I’m taking for the first time. Mainly I chose it because if I didn’t I’d have to do religion which does not interest me at all. I’m really liking it so far though. The teacher is nice and there are a few really cool people in my class. I’m writing one exam this semester and I’m pretty confident about it since it’s the kind of subject where thinking out of the box is not only tolerated but also required.

Mathematics:

I’ve never really been good at math and if I wanted good grades I had to work really really hard. The first exam is next week and I’ve already started preparing a lot for it so I think I’m gonna do good, although I’m really worried at the same time.

Physics:

The main reason I’m taking this class is because I started to evolve a big interest in astrophysics at the beginning of the year and am considering to become an astrophysicist. However, I’ve never been interested in physics before which means that I never really paid attention in classes I had to take before. I would really like to be good at this though, and hope that I will find a way and time to catch up. Since I’m not writing any exams I’m going to ask the teacher if I can do a presentation for extra credit should I not be able to get the grade I want.

Biology:

I have taken this class as a ‘main subject’ on my old school. Which means I had to write exams in it instead of just tests. The school I’m visiting now is not offering it as a main subject, which means that I have more advanced knowledge than my classmates. This makes it a lot easier for me and I have better chance at getting good grades. Since I enjoy biology and am pretty good at it I’m positive that I will get good grades.

P.E.:

I have always hated P.E and I will always hate it. I’m not very active and due to my many health problems I’m not able to reach the same level as my classmates. I am also sometimes not able to do everything and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to tell the teacher I need a break many times during the lesson on some days. As far as I can tell I had very much luck with my teacher and have gotten one who understands that not everyone can do as much as the rest. I’m going to do as much as possible but I’m also not going to worry about bad grades because my health and well being is way more important than a grade.

'Vertiefungsfach mathe’

I have no idea how to translate this into English but it’s basically an extra class for people who are not as good in math. I’m not getting a grade in it which is good because it really sucks. My teacher for this subject tends to yell a lot while explaining things and I tend to get triggered by getting yelled at. I’m luckily not having trouble with panic attacks but I do get small flashbacks and might get close to crying. So I will need all the energy I have to keep me from crying and to keep my thoughts off overthinking and I will not be able to concentrate on the subject at all. I will try to drop this class as soon as possible but I will probably not be able to do so before the next semester. I really don’t like skipping class but I will definitely use every excuse to not attend that class as often as possible.  

All in all I think I will get a good GPA this year. I do worry about my mental health since I have noticed feeling depressed more often again since school started. I will definitely be fine but this year WILL be hard for me. If anyone has some advice on how to deal with your mental health during school feel free to drop them by I will be very thankful for all of them!

[ronaldmrashid]

Why I Wanted To Build A Real Estate Empire

In 2002, I was one year into my new job in San Francisco when I decided I needed to build a real estate empire. The dotcom collapse was traumatizing and I wanted to own real assets with more stable cash flow.

After a couple years, my desire for real estate narrowed so I could retire early and live off the income. But then the housing crisis hit, ruining my confidence that I could one day be free due to rental property.

Now things are lollipops and roses. Rental income is strong. Valuations are at all-time highs. Mortgage rates are still close to all-time lows. Yet rental income has dropped to below 10% of my overall income. At the same time, owning physical real estate has become my main source of stress. Given my life is relatively stress-free, any type of stress is ironically magnified.

To maximize lifestyle and profits, I should rationally sell all rentals while valuations are at all-time highs and focus my attention on building an online business since it’s more fun and profitable. Further, online media valuations are still relatively low, meaning there’s tremendous upside, although Vice Media raising $450 million at a $5.7B post-money valuation might argue otherwise.

Despite the logic, I refuse to sell my entire rental property portfolio because of one main reason: insurance against a difficult life for my child.

Life May Get Brutally Difficult For Our Children

Follow any college admissions acceptance record and you’ll notice a steady decline over time due to a rise in competition. Average GPA and SAT scores for elite schools have never been higher, yet getting in has never been harder. Kids of all races are realizing the frustration Asian kids have been going through for years now.

90%+ of you won’t get into a prestigious university, and that’s OK.

Read any media publication, and there will be articles droning on and on about how prohibitively expensive it is to live in any major city. It gets incredibly depressing, especially for young people looking to establish roots.

Observe who gets a job at all the sexiest startups and highly coveted organizations. They all come from the same elite schools over and over again, yet many still complain how they are just scraping by.

Life seems like it’s only going to get MORE competitive with globalization, not less competitive. Our children need lots of luck and parents who plan way in advance for tough times.

By definition, only 10% of the working population gets to be in the top 10% income earner bracket. And only those in the top 10% earn an income of at least $115,000 a year according to the IRS.

I could choose being in the top 25% ($68,000) as a income goal for this article, but it’s very hard to get ahead living in a big city when you need to pay $2,500+/month in rent or $1.2M+ for a median priced house. Of course nobody needs to live in an expensive city to get ahead, it’s just nice to give our children as many options as possible.

Related: How Much Do The Top Income Earners Make By Percentage

Given there’s a high chance my son won’t get into a top 25 college, won’t land a job at a top 50 company, and won’t make a top 10% income, he might get thoroughly bummed out with all the rejection since he’ll grow up with peers who will.

Further, there’s a chance my son will have a vision disability that might make it tougher for him to learn or be treated well by others. It’s too early to tell, but I’m hopeful his nerves and cells are just slowly developing and he’ll turn into a completely healthy boy

It’ll be incumbent on me and his mother to encourage him that it’s OK if he attends city college, works at Macy’s, and makes minimum wage so long as he’s tried his best. I really don’t care what type of career he has so long as he’s helping other people and finds his work rewarding. But I fear that even with our reassurances, he may not be happy.

Life has an incredible way of beating the most optimistic of us down. We like to compare our progress to others, which inevitably makes us unsatisfied.

Two Reasons For A Real Estate Empire

Once you have your living expenses covered, you can live in any of the most expensive cities in the world and be OK. By being able to provide subsidized housing (if necessary) for my son in an expensive city like San Francisco, it’ll open up more opportunities. I know so many people who are deterred from moving to places like New York City or San Francisco because of high housing costs. What a shame to be unable to pursue a dream due to cost.

After being away from the workforce for the past five years, my #1 joy from not having to work is not having to commute. It would be nice if he didn’t have to spend three hours on the road a day to work at a job he doesn’t love.

90+ minute commutes have risen due to the cost of housing increase

The second reason for owning multiple pieces of property is to give my son a job if he one day ends up jobless. I have this fear that he might not even be able to get a cashier’s job at Macy’s because Macy’s might not even be around in 23 years. Perhaps the robots will eliminate the need for most lower income jobs we have today.

Also, what if the Macy’s hiring manager is prejudice? What if his disability keeps him from getting ahead? We always hope for the best for our children, but the reality is we seldom achieve our best lives without a little bit of luck and help.

Related: The One Ingredient Necessary For Financial Independence

By having a rental property portfolio to manage, I’m hoping that if all else fails, my son can take pride managing a family asset that might one day be his. He’ll learn about real estate, negotiations, property management, people management, market trends, and so much more. I will be the most patient and loving mentor to him. From there, he might be able to build his own real estate empire.

Less than 50% of the population can afford housing in the coastal regions where many of the jobs are

A Parent’s Job Is Never Done

Nobody really told me how much you worry as a parent. It’s rather debilitating if you can’t get past thinking about all the things that could go wrong with your child, especially things that aren’t fixable due to genetics. The only thing we can give our children is lots of love and support.

As parents, perhaps the right thing to do is focus on living our best lives now so that our children can also have the best lives possible now and in the future. It’s counterproductive managing a rental property for a couple decades so my son can one day use if it’s taking quality time away from us now. Having all these hopes and dreams for our children without giving them a chance to explore on their own is unfair.

I just don’t want him to fall through the cracks. Perhaps gutting it out at a miserable job will build character. But maybe all a miserable job will do is make him a an aimless vagabond who is bitter at the world. You should see the Twitter feeds of real estate reporters who rent. It’s just misery after frustration after indignation.

It worries me if he has to go through all the things I went through to get ahead. I don’t think I could do it again if I had to start over. Further, so much of my accomplishments were directly attributable to luck. Good thing our children are more resilient than we think.

Of course I won’t tell my son of this escape hatch plan until he’s ready. Then he might get completely demotivated to make it on his own.

Only when he’s tried his best and is down on his luck will I invite him over for a beer one evening and say, “Surprise son! Everything will be OK. We’re so proud of you. We’ve got something awesome that we hope you’ll enjoy doing.” He’ll have no idea what’ll hit him because he’ll have grown up in a regular old house with frugal parents.

Related:

Real Estate Is My Favorite Asset Class To Build Long Term Wealth

How To Invest In Real Estate If You Don’t Want To Own Property

Readers, what are some things you’re sacrificing now for the sake of your children? How do you contain your worries for your children? Any parents have children with a disability? If so, how did you/do you deal with the situation? I’d love to read stories of inspiration. 

from http://www.financialsamurai.com/why-i-wanted-to-build-a-real-estate-empire/

[growinggirlmusings]

2017 - The Year of Me

Two weeks ago, a rather large glass ball dropped in the middle of Times Square, New York City, New York, and declared the beginning of the New Year. People around the globe hugged, kissed, drank, and began to pray that 2017 would not be as horrible as its predecessor, 2016. Being worse than 2016 is a hard thing to accomplish; a ridiculous amount of incredible and inspiring celebrities died (Alan Rickman’s death hitting me the hardest), the worst mass shooting in United States history occurred in Orlando, Florida, as well as several global changes in politics that genuinely frightened a lot of people. 

Personally, however, 2016 wasn’t the worst year. I turned 18, graduated high school, got to commit to attending my top choice in collegiate learning, successfully complete my first semester at said college with a 4.0 GPA, continued working at the best camp on the planet, celebrated one year of dating my best friend, and started a blog that, thanks to many of my friends and family, has extended far beyond where I thought it was going to reach. Overall, not too bad of a year for Izzy Wellman. 

Since it is only January, the year has so many directions it can go in. My main New Year’s Resolution, however, is to ensure that the only direction my life goes in 2017 is up. I’m making personal commitments to myself, including working out 2-3 times a week, introducing a better morning and evening routine into my schedule, applying for a job on-campus that both interests me and will find ways to challenge me, and taking more pictures to remember how good of a year it was in the future. I’m making it a personal mission to improve my mind, body, and soul so that I am happy with myself. I want 2017 to be my year.

Unfortunately, most New Year’s Resolutions never truly come to fruition. January has the most sales in gym memberships of the 12 months, but a lot of people don’t commit to actually going to the gym to improve their health. People can go and purchase healthier foods from grocery stores, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to eat them. How do I know that by February, I won’t just be resigned to my bed in my dorm room doing nothing all day? I’ve had resolutions before that have never been implemented; what makes this year different?

This year, I’m holding myself accountable and focusing on the positive. Instead of complaining about how out-of-shape I feel when I work out, I’ll be proud of myself when I finish my workout because I actually worked out. When I complete all of the items on my morning and evening to-do lists for an entire week, I will get a reward. I am keeping a mason jar and writing down one positive thing I took away from that day so, on January 1, 2018, I can reflect on how awesome 2017 was. I’m organizing my life so I’m as on top of my personal life as I am my work for school and extracurriculars. I’m doodling and creating so I can make a little more money on the side. I’m going to be doing things for myself rather than other people. This year, I’m focusing on my happiness, because that’s what matters most.

After this year, who knows? Hopefully, the things I’ve implemented throughout this year will continue and help me become a healthier person, both mentally and physically. I have a good feeling in my gut that this year is the year that my life begins to come together. I don’t know why that is, but I’m excited to see where the world will take me, and I can’t wait for you to join me on that journey.

Here’s to a better year than the last, and may all of your resolutions come into fruition.

--

*Author’s Note: Thank you so much for an incredible 2016! Without your constant support, I would not have been able to reach so many of my goals, including being published by a major media outlet! To read my article for Kveller, click on the “Published Works” link in the sidebar, and for Growing Girl Musings merchandise (and other fun stuff), click on the RedBubble link in the sidebar! Thank you again for everything you do, and here’s to an amazing 2017!