#i got an A in my discrete math class??

[chronic-cynic]

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what th

[tuunateeth]

hes doing linear algebra👍

danny design is mostly from the amazing @/nicktoonsunite !

[tornadodyke]

howwwwww did the class sections i need get filled completely up when registration isn't even open yet. like. girl. what. OKAYYYY THIS IS FINE WHATEVERRRRRR

[malarign]

told you so

(when you go on a date with your enemy, and he advises you against it)

synopsis: Being a target of taunting from your enemy was your daily struggle, and when you seemed to get used to it, all of your worries disappeared when you met your new friend. but what if old feelings still didn’t pass?

contains: bff!Heeseung x fem!reader | genre: angst with a fluffy ending (requested), high school au, college au, friends to lovers | tw! mentions of food, bullying, swearing, arguing, crying, kissing and touching without consent, mentions and attempt of assault, please read at your own discretion! y/n being oblivious and delusional, basically he fell first and harder 🤩 | wc: 7,4k

author’s note: while writing this i didn’t have any specific Jisung in mind, this name just popped into my head 😬 also this was originally written to be a mini series but it didn't get much attention so i’m reposting it as a one shot :)) enjoy!

reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated!!!

original taglist: @nicholasluvbot, @simpforsunwoo, @sweetjaemss

Morning, Wednesday, 9th January 2019

You watched as Jisung and his friends emptied your school bag and all your books, notebooks, documents and other personal stuff fall on the wooden floor. All of them laughed while exchanging mean looks. Jisung came up to you, lowered his head to the level of your eyes, and smiled viciously.

“You better hurry, Y/n. I don’t think you want to be late for math class, right?” he asked sarcastically and ruffled your hair.

Trying to keep calm you watched as he wandered off to the class with the rest of the boys he hangs out with. You looked at all the things he threw on the floor and sighed. He never seemed to let you breathe peacefully and lavished you with his nasty comments. Both of you used to be great friends back in middle school, but then he got into a pretty bad environment and became your worst nightmare. Every class you had with him was hours of suffering. You often thought about old times, wondering if there was a way to prevent this.

Crouching down to pick your stuff up you heard how the sound of steps behind you echoed in an empty hallway. You turned your head around to see who was coming. You tried really hard to recognize his face, but you didn’t think you had ever seen him.

“Hi,” he said. His lips slightly parted as he watched your belongings on the floor. “Let me help you.”

He crouched next to you and helped you gather your books and notebooks as you collected smaller items. He neatly put them into your bag and helped you stand up from a not-really-comfortable position.

“Thank you, I really appreciate your help.” You smiled and once more scanned his face to be sure you’d ever seen him.

“I’m Heeseung by the way. I’m new here,” he spoke as he offered his hand to greet you.

“Oh, I was wondering why I couldn’t recognize you.” You smiled sheepishly. “My name’s Y/n.”

Noon, Friday, 17th May 2019

You and Heeseung clicked almost immediately. Both of you had similar hobbies and musical tastes. Since your favorite subjects were his problem and vice versa you helped each other with homework and exam preparations, usually in the calm setting of your local library. He didn’t have problems settling into a new environment. Quite quickly he made a group of friends, bugging you to tag along every time they went out somewhere. His talent for basketball also didn’t slip by the team's coach, who didn’t waste time to make him join training.

Heeseung never failed to bring a smile to your face with his quick-witted jokes and interesting stories about his life before he moved to your city. Being with him healed you in every possible way, making thoughts of Jisung almost completely forgotten. After seeing you spend your breaks with Heeseung made him stop approaching you for some reason. Sometimes when you were alone, because he had to get something done or had different classes made you anxious. You knew that whenever he was next to you, Jisung wouldn’t do anything bad.

The bell rang announcing a long-awaited lunch break. You packed your stuff and looked at Heeseung. You opened your mouth to ask the usual question about your table, but he spoke faster.

“Coach said he needs me for a second, I’m pretty sure it won’t take long. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done, okay?” He didn’t let you say anything and just dashed away after gently patting your shoulder.

You stood there watching as he disappeared behind a corner and let out a shaky sigh. That was the first time you were going to eat lunch alone ever since you met him in March. You even considered waiting for him, just to not have to sit there alone. Then a sudden wave of confidence rushed through your body, thinking “What can go wrong? He said it’s not gonna take long.”

You made your way to the school cafeteria, looking at every student that passed by, praying none of them would belong to Jisung.

After you took your tray with a full meal you sat down at your usual table and watched the entry, nervously waiting for a familiar, friendly silhouette. What you saw was far away from that. You saw Jisung and his friend enter the cafeteria. He noticed you right away. His face showed anger, eyes sharp and fierce. His look made you quiver slightly, unable to look anywhere else. He took his tray and sat at the table behind you. You could hear every bite he took on his apple, loud cracks piercing your ears. You started to count second, wishing Heeseung would come back quickly.

Time passed and you still were sitting alone at the table. Some students finished eating while your tray was still full of food. As much as you tried eating you couldn’t muster up the energy to raise a fork to your mouth.

“Where the hell is he? What is taking him so long? He said he’ll join me.” Your thoughts were disrupted by a fine figure of a man hovering over your form. He leaned into you, his breath brushing your ear.

“Long time no see, Y/n.” His malicious tone sent shivers down your spine, and you could feel tears ready to spill out of fear. “You thought I was done with you just because you started hanging out with that asshole?” He said as he brushed away the strand of your hair. He leaned even closer to you and whispered straight to your ear: “You know I will never back off.”

“Well, maybe you should.”

You noticed Heeseung standing in front of your table.

Jisung came up to Heeseung and asked: “Or what, asshole? What you’re gonna do?” He suddenly collared him and shook his form. His actions were stopped when a loud voice echoed in the cafeteria.

“Choi Jisung!” Heeseung’s coach screamed, his voice in a humbling manner. Jisung let go of Heeseung still maintaining eye contact with him.

“I guess I don’t have to do anything in particular.” Heeseung smiled at him snidely and watched as he made his way out of the cafeteria. He then shifted his look at you who was still slightly trembling at an unexpected and not really pleasant encounter with one of your classmates.

His eyes softened looking at your form, his heart breaking from the regret of not coming to you sooner. He hesitated whether what he should do and finally rubbed your back with his palm in a comforting move. He felt as if you loosened up under his touch. Seeing you calm down he sat down next to you and tried to shift your attention from a bad experience with Jisung.

“You should eat, Y/n. I’m sure it’ll help.” He took a glance at your tray. “I know how you love that pudding,” he spoke and placed the box right in front of you making you smile.

Afternoon, Friday, 17th May 2019

“Y/n can we talk about today?” Heeseung asked. You were laying in his bed, surrounded by notes from your biology class.

You looked at him. His eyes were serious but soft at the same time. You felt bad that you didn’t tell him about your bumpy relationship with Jisung, mostly because you thought the problem solved itself when you met him. But today’s events successfully proved you wrong.

“About what?” You played for time.

“About Jisung and what happened in the cafeteria.” He got straight to the point. He moved his chair to be right in front of you. “Why didn’t you tell me he bullies you?”

“Because he doesn’t,” you simply stated shifting your gaze back to your notes. Somehow word ‘bully’ made your ego ache. You weren’t bullied, at least that’s what you said to yourself.

“Well his action said something else,” he firmly said making you snap.

“What do you know, Heeseung? You don’t know him at all, yet you’re accusing him of bullying.”

Your response took him aback. “Y/n you were literally trembling at his touch and the sound of his voice. Fuck it, you were almost crying!”

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Y/n don’t act like I’m blind. Besides, I know you well.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” you said and rapidly got up, gathering your notes into your bag and storming out of his room. Heeseung watched your irrational actions in utter shock. Why were you so offended? Even you didn’t know why you overreacted like that. Maybe it was because of your past friendship with Jisung? Maybe you still believed he would change for the better, and you would happily be friends like you used to be? Or maybe you would be more than friends like you always dreamt?

You walked downstairs and hurriedly started to put on your shoes. Just when you were about to go out you heard your friend’s mom.

“Y/n? You’re leaving so early?” She asked. “I’m preparing your favorite, kimchi fried rice.” She smiled warmly.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Lee, but I need to go early today.” You felt bad lying to her, she always treated you like a daughter making sure you were never hungry whenever you hung with Heeseung. “Have a great evening!” You quickly said closing the front door behind you.

Even though it was the middle of May, the weather was rather chilly. You still had your school uniform on, your short skirt not warming you up enough.

“Y/n!” You heard Heeseung’s voice behind you. Hesitating if you should stop or run straight to your house you finally stopped your tracks. Even if you ran he would easily catch up.

You turned around and soon, Heeseung stopped in front of you, breathing heavily from his jog. You let him catch a breath and didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you mad.”

You thought for a while, you really wanted to stay mad at him for a while, but as hard as you tried, you just couldn’t. You lowered your gaze and replied: “It’s okay. I know you meant well. But you don’t need to worry about me.” You assured.

Your answer didn’t seem to satisfy him, but he remained silent. He opened his arms, offering a conciliatory hug, which you gladly accepted.

“I should go home now,” you announced, still in his embrace.

“Can I walk you home?” he asked, knowing your answer.

“I think I would rather go by myself today. Thanks though.” You slowly pulled out from his arms and waved your hand in goodbye.

Heeseung watched you walk for a while. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything you said. Your words clenched his heart, almost making him tear up. He knew one thing: he definitely will worry about you, and won’t let this happen ever again.

Evening, Saturday, 1st June 2019

“Y/n! Heeseung is already here!” Your mom shouted from downstairs as you did the final touches to your hairstyle.

“I’m coming!” you shouted and hurriedly took your purse. Skipping your way to the hallway you saw Heeseung with a small bouquet in his hands as he talked with your mom with a warm smile. She noticed your presence first.

“Y/n come here quickly.” She gestured for you to stand next to Heeseung. “Let’s take a photo. Make a pose.”

Both of you tried different poses for the photo, from the normal ones to your usual, funny ones. After a short photo shoot, you made your way to Heeseung’s car and drove to have fun at prom.

You arrived at school quite late, as other students were already dancing in the hall. You were about to get out of his car when he stopped you with a soft hand motion. You were slightly confused but all the concern disappeared when you saw his jog around the car to your side. He opened the door gallantly and offered his hand.

“Wow, so chivalry is really not dead, huh?” you remarked and smiled at him while getting out.

“Y/n, I’m afraid you forgot who I am.” He placed his hand on his heart with an injured look on his face.

“Lee Heeseung, I envy your future girlfriend, whoever she is,” you said and made your way toward the other students.

Heeseung watched as you go with dreamy eyes and a moony smile. He couldn’t stop thinking about how gorgeous you looked tonight ever since he laid his eyes on you at your house. And not only today, the day he met you he never thought you’ll get so close and make him fall not only for your looks but charming personality, versatile knowledge, and full of empathy heart. “Hopefully you won’t have to envy her,” he thought to himself planning on confessing his feelings for you today.

When you entered the hall, your ears were pierced by loud music and the stumping of hundreds of feet. Parties like those weren’t your cup of tea, but it being prom convinced you to try having fun along with your classmates. Besides, being aware that you’re not going to be there by yourself helped you harness your train of thought. It wasn’t the first party you attended with Heeseung, but it was definitely the biggest of them all, and most importantly it wasn’t just a house party.

“Shall we?” You heard your friend’s voice and smiled. You danced all night next to each other, jumping and showing off your moves with occasional breaks to drink something or just take a breath.

Both of you sat down on a bench and watched as your classmates were also getting pretty tired. You looked at the clock which showed 10 pm. Four hours of dancing with Heeseung passed in a blink of an eye. You were about to ask him when they plan on leaving when the DJ announced a slow song. Just when you were about to stand up and freshen up in the bathroom none other than Heeseung showed in front of you, his figure towering over yours.

“May I have this dance?” He smiled but his tone wasn’t playful, but serious. Almost too serious.

You simply nodded your head in response and let him guide you to the middle of the dance floor. He took one of your hands into his and placed the other one on your waist, pulling you a little bit closer to him, to the point you felt how his breath fell on your nose. You never were in that close proximity to him, apart from that one hug after your quarrel, but none of you felt awkward at all. The feeling of his hands on your body made you feel safe and at ease, contrary to what you experienced throughout the past few years of high school.

Heeseung looked at you with full adoration in his eyes as you struggled to dance with him, occasionally stepping on his foot.

“Sorry, I had never danced like this,” you confessed sheepishly.

“Don’t worry. Just follow my lead, Y/n,” he murmured in a low voice, sending shivers down your spine. You did as he said, focusing on making the correct steps. Heeseung pulled you even closer, making you both sway in an intimate hug. Hug too intimate for friends. You noticed how his face slowly came closer to yours, and when your foreheads almost touched suddenly both of you landed on a cold, wooden floor. You took a look around and noticed how the other pair fell on the ground, the boy frantically apologizing to you and Heeseung for pushing you. You saw how his jaw clenched and eyes sharpened.

“Well, you should be more careful,” he snapped.

“Heeseung, it’s okay.” Your voice made his face soften and shift his now calm gaze to you. He helped you get up and fix hair that loosened because of the impact. While he was busy fixing your hairclips you noticed a pair of eyes watching you like a hawk. His gaze wasn’t sharp and aggressive like in the cafeteria two weeks ago. It was rather interested and invested. He watched you calmly but your heart started its usual race at the sight of his eyes on your form.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked worriedly, noticing your distant gaze.

“Yes,” you answered shortly and quickly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Do you want to dance some more or sit down? It must’ve hurt,” he spoke, referring to your fall.

“Actually, can you drive me home?” you asked hurriedly. You didn’t want the situation in the cafeteria to happen again. And knowing Heeseung you knew it was very probable.

His expression dropped at your words, pursing his lips he nodded and lead your way to his car.

Contrary to the ride to the prom, this way was way quieter. None of you dared to speak. One because of regret and the other because of anxiousness. You looked at the trees that you passed by and how almost all windows were dark. You recognized your neighborhood and prepared to get out of his car when his voice stopped you.

“Y/n?”

You looked at him, your face painting a question, asking him to continue.

He debated for a while. “It’s this moment. Now or never,” he thought to himself.

“I had so much fun with you today, Y/n,” he simply stated, hesitation winning over his will to finally confess.

“Thank you, I also had so much fun.” You smiled and bid your goodbyes, leaving him in his car alone with his thoughts.

“Will you ever realize?”

Afternoon, Tuesday, 18th October 2022

The faint sound of keyboards’ clicking and soft whispers between students, accompanied by rustling scribbling on paper always helped you study. The whole atmosphere helped you compose yourself after long days of school and now college. Getting onto the major of your dreams wasn’t easy, but thanks to your investment in finals preparations and the help of your friends, you succeeded. Not only you studied what you’d always wanted, but you also weren’t as lonely as you were in high school. Because of similar interests, you quickly got in with them, spending breaks in each other’s company and having occasional sleepovers and other friendly hangouts. Thanks to them, accustoming to college life wasn’t as harsh and hard as you expected it to be.

Many things changed since you graduated from high school, apart from one thing - your usual friendly study dates with Heeseung were still a tradition none of you dared nor wanted to break. One would think that studying different subjects would break your friendship, but it only tightened the bond you had.

Heeseung reached for his backpack and took out a small box filled with white and red grapes. He placed it between you two so that you also could grab some. Seeing that you also took out your lunch box with walnuts and cashew nuts. You poured them into his box, knowing how he liked mixed flavors of grapes and nuts. He noticed that and immediately smiled in your direction, whispering a faint but still audible “Thank you”. You returned the smile and focused on your notes once again.

On the other hand, as much as he tried to, Heeseung couldn’t. His mind was flooded and confused about his own feelings for you, which only grew stronger as time passed. Ever since he tried confessing and getting closer to you during prom he didn’t dare to try again. The panic he saw in your eyes spoke for themselves. Fear of losing you overwhelmed his heart, he knew he wouldn’t be able to endure that. That’s why he tried ignoring all the love he had for you, usually failing miserably.

“What are your plans for the weekend?” you asked quietly, trying not to disturb other people around you.

Heeseung got back to his senses and thought for a second. “I have a basketball match at 6 on Saturday,” he replied, raising his one eyebrow. “You forgot?” he asked but it sounded more like a statement, not a question.

You pursed your lips together and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“No worries. Are you still planning to come?” He closed his book and turned around to face you directly.

“Of course!” you exclaimed in a whisper. “I never missed any of your matches and I’m not planning to change that. I like seeing you win,” you added, not knowing you caused his heart to flutter and a swarm of butterflies to fill his stomach.

“What if I don’t win?” he asked, unable to control a bright smile.

“I think we both don’t believe it will ever happen,” you remarked and a few people shushed you, annoyed by your too loud for a library conversation. Heeseung and you mumbled quiet apologies and returned to your books, trying to keep yourselves from laughing.

You called the study session off a little bit an hour later.

“You sure you don’t need a walk home?” he asked for a millionth time today.

“Hee, I’m sure. Besides don’t you have a training today? You better not be late again,” you scolded him and he raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

“Okay, but text me as soon as you get home.” He pointed at you and squinted a bit.

“I will, bye!” you assured him and waved at him.

Deciding to take advantage of the last warm days, you took a longer route home. You passed by many places you used to go to while you were still a high school student. Cafes you used to study in with Heeseung whenever there were too many people in the library, a park where both of you ate lunches during hot summer days, a basketball court where he taught you how to play and gave you tips on how to make a score. It made you realize that apart from memories with Heeseung you can’t reminisce about other ones, as if you knew him your whole life. You stopped by the cafe you studied in together for the first time, and remembered how awkward you were with each other back then. You smiled at the memory of the very much begging of your friendship. Now that same cafe was filled with couples, taking photos together or of each other and sharing sweet desserts. The sight of love made you question if your future partner is going to like Heeseung. But the thought of anybody not liking him seemed impossible for you.

You continued walking when you saw a familiar figure approaching you. A figure you didn’t expect to meet.

“Hi Y/n! It’s me, Jisung!”

Evening, Tuesday, 18th October 2022

“It’s been a while, I almost didn’t recognize you,” Jisung said in a friendly tone. You also almost didn’t recognize him. He wore the complete opposite attire to his usual pair of jeans and collection of plain T-shirts, now wearing a suit with elegant shoes.

“Yeah, me too,” you spoke and a sheepish smile with a hint of disbelief crept on your face.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in like ages!” Jisung kept on smiling and tilting his head to the right, an old habit of his.

“Jisung what do you want?” you asked quickly, scared of his reaction.

Seeing your expression he sighed and spoke: “Y/n, listen. I’m really sorry. For everything I’ve done. I treated you badly, and I regret it with my whole heart.” He placed his hand on the left side of his chest. “What I did was wrong and I want to sincerely apologize to you. I’m so sorry.” His words seemed to be genuine and truthful to you.

“It was a long time ago, it’s okay, Jisung.” You shrugged and smiled softly.

“It’s not really okay, unless you let me redeem myself. let me take you out,” he said nonchalantly.

“Oh?”

“Do you have plans on Saturday? There’s a new restaurant that opened a while ago, what do you think?”

Thinking for a while you slowly nodded. Your movement made a strand of your hair fall from behind your ear and he was quick to fix it, making you blush.

“Great. It’s a date then. I’ll come and pick you up at 7,” he announced and said his goodbye, leaving you dumbfounded.

You felt like your chest gets tighter and your stomach fills with butterflies. You turned around to look at him once more but he was already gone. Just when you thought you finally forgot about him and your feelings for him, that somehow buried themselves in the depth of your heart, all you could think about was him once again. The way he looked at you, the way he smiled at you, the way the slightest touch of his fingers brushing fragile skin on your cheek, it all made you feel like on shaky ground.

Then it hit you. You’re going on a date. Your first ever date. You almost let a squeal leave your lips, but stopped it on time by covering them with the palm of your hand. Excitement rushed through your body and you hurriedly headed home.

When you arrived home and were done letting out all excitement and thrill of your body by jumping all over your place, you took the phone out of your bag. You noticed a few missed calls, all from Heeseung. You remembered how you promised to text him when you arrive home, and now he must’ve finished his practice.

You dialed his number and didn’t have to wait for too long for him to answer.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Yes, oh my god, Hee! Everything is great!” you couldn’t contain your happiness and wanted to share the news with him.

“Woah, woah, what’s that excitement about?” he asked and laughed at your crazy behavior.

“Hee, I’m going on a date!”

For a while your painful silence submerged the call, the only sound was soft breathing on the other side of the line.

“Heeseung? Are you okay?” you asked.

“Yes, yes, uhm, I’m okay,” he choked out.

“Well, then aren’t you gonna congratulate me?”

“Y/n, I’m very happy for you, but do I know this guy? You‘ve never told me about him.” His voice was rather cold in contrary to his words.

“You know him! It’s Jisung, from our high school.”

“What?” Heeseung couldn’t believe his ears. “Choi Jisung? The one who bullied you?”

“You’re at it again? He didn’t bully me Heeseung! He used to be my friend. Besides, why would you know what type of relationship we had?” You were mad. He never had an opportunity to truly get to know him, yet he was talking badly about him. This made your blood boil, because you knew him, and he certainly wasn’t as bad as Heeseung painted him.

You thought you truly knew Jisung. And you did to some point in your lives, now living on the deluded picture of him made by your imagination.

“Y/n, he treated you horribly! You were scared of him, don’t tell me otherwise, 'cause your reaction said otherwise.” His voice was harsh, sounding like he was scolding you.

“He changed! He apologized to me. He knows what he did was wrong!” you exclaimed, now even more mad than before.

“Y/n people like him don’t change. And even if he did, he shouldn’t be forgiven and given any more chances. Especially by you.”

“Let me decide on that. Fuck you, Heeseung,” you said and ended the call. You threw it on your bed and went to the bathroom to take a long shower, in hopes it would help you calm down.

Your words rang in Heeseung’s head for a long time. He froze, the phone still near his ear as if he was hoping you would say you didn’t mean that. But as minutes passed he realized you certainly did mean your words, and that they were meant to hurt him. He sat on the ground and slumped against a wall. Feeling his eyes sting as they brimmed with hot tears, Heeseung quickly wiped them off before completely breaking down. He stood up after a while and reached into a drawer for his car keys, ready for a night drive.

Afternoon, Saturday, 22nd October 2022

You stood in front of your wardrobe wondering how you should dress for your date with Jisung. You tried hard to think of anything that would suit the vibe and atmosphere of a fancy restaurant you’re going to, but your mind was flooded with thoughts of Heeseung. It was the longest you went without contacting each other, but your ego didn’t let you reach out to him. He should be happy for you, for his friend. After you would be happy for him if he told you he was going to have a date. Right?

After what seemed like ages of wondering about your outfit you contacted one of your classmates, Jennifer.

“Jen, do you have a second you could spare me? you asked as soon as your friend picked up the phone.

“Y/nie, my love, for you I always have time. What’s wrong?” she spoke and brought a long-lost smile to your face.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you but I remember how stressed you were with your presentation, but…” you started, feeling guilty for not telling her sooner.

“Oh my god, what is it? You’re scaring me!” she raised her voice dramatically.

“Well, I’m going on a date and I don’t know what to wear. I still have lots of time left but I’m getting a little bit nervous,” you confessed.

“Oh my! Finally, I’m so happy for you, bestie!” You heard her clapping her hands excitedly. “How about me coming over and rummaging through your clothes?”

“That would be great, but Jen you don’t have to!”

On the other side of the line, you heard the jingling sound of her car keys.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, plus you need to tell me how that happened, so don’t try to stop me now!” she said, and soon after you hung up.

While you were waiting you sat on your bed, thinking of possible scenarios of today’s date. Will it look like it does in movies? Will it end up only on this one date or will there be more?

Suddenly, the silence of your room got disturbed by the sound of a notification. You took your phone and read a reminder: “♡ Heeseung’s match 6pm ♡”. This made you bite your lips, guilty of not keeping your promise. Sure, you were mad at him, but he is still your best friend. “I never missed any of your matches and I’m not planning to change that,” you remembered your words from a few days ago. You placed your elbows on your thighs and hid your face in your hands. Just when you were about to let out your emotions you heard knocking on your front door. You opened them and they revealed a smiling Jennifer.

“Let’s get to the work, shall we?”

Thanks to Jennifer, picking your outfit was filled with laughter and her anecdotes. This helped you deal with the anxiety caused by your upcoming date, but also, more importantly, stop yourself from thinking about Heeseung. Before you knew it, the outfit was ready, along with a bag, some accessories, and shoes. You still had some time before 7 PM, so you sat in your room and chatted for a while, enjoying each other’s presence after days of different schedules.

“Okay, but most importantly, how did he ask you out?” She waited for your answer with anticipation and excitement.

“I mean we met when I was having a walk in the neighborhood and he just asked me.” You shrugged but your cheeks filled with red tint.

“Oh my god!” Jennifer exclaimed, emphasizing the last word. “I thought he will never ask you out, at this rate. But finally, my prayers were listened to!” She raised her hands in the air, while you were, to say the least, confused and dumbfounded.

“What do you mean? Who are you talking about?” you asked.

Your friend’s smile faded and she lowered her hands. “About your friend, that Heeseung guy. Is he not the one that asked you out?”

“No, why would you think that?”

“So it’s not Heeseung you’re going out with?” You shook your head and noticed how disappointment filled her eyes.

“Oh come on, Jen. You’re not happy for me anymore?”

“I am!” she defended herself. “It’s just… Both of you already seemed like a couple or like you at least like each other. You always say he’s like an angel, that you can’t imagine your life without him, so I kinda just assumed you liked him. Plus the way he looks at you speaks for itself better than your constant love confessions.”

Love?

Evening, Saturday 22nd October 2023

The gymnasium hall was filled with loud cheers coming from both bleachers. Players were practicing shots and warming up before the first match of the season. Heeseung was one of them, yet the ace known for excellent aim failed to score almost anything. He kept on looking for you in your usual place where you cheered for him along with your friends. But that one spot was empty, soon to be occupied by some unknown to him student. He tried to push the thoughts of you away, but as much as he tried the more he failed. None of the players or the coach had ever seen this part of him.

The match barely started, yet your university’s team was failing like never. Mainly because something apparently preoccupied the mind of the captain of the team. This made a coach come to a decision of seating him on a bench, for the first time during his player days.

You waited patiently on the couch, ready to go out. The clock showed half past seven, which made you worried, if he will even come. What if he got into an accident? What if something bad happened to him. You anxiously were looking at your phone, waiting for some message from Jisung. You were about to call him when your phone screen lightens up, showing his caller ID. You answered almost immediately.

“Hello?”

“Y/n! I’m so sorry for being late, but I’m already near your place so you can already come out,” he said and you could hear the sound of the engine’s drone.

“No worries, take your time,” you reassured him but noticed that the call already ended.

You locked the door behind you and made your way to the elevator.

You spotted his car from afar and waved at him. Your heart almost sprung out of your chest and felt how your throat tightens at every breath you took. You got in and greeted him shyly.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he said, and before you could realize he left a quick and harsh kiss on your lips, leaving you shocked. Jisung on the other side smiled to himself and started the car.

“I thought we could go somewhere where we could be alone before eating, what do you say?” he asked placing his hand on your inner thigh, making you, to say at least, extremely uncomfortable.

You tried taking his hand off your body, but he only gripped your wrist tightly making you hiss. “Oh, Y/n. Don’t act so innocent.” He stopped at the side of the road. Looking around you couldn’t spot a single living soul around you nor any car passing by. “But I can assure you I’ll fuck you better than him,” he said bluntly and started unbuckling his belt.

Not really knowing what to do you slapped him across his face and hurriedly got out o his car. You ran as fast as you can, with stamina better than usual, due to a high level of adrenaline in your body. You thought of the place you should go to. He knew where you lived so your place wouldn’t work. Jennifer’s apartment on the other hand was far away from where you were. The only place that was near enough was Heeseung’s apartment. Looking at the time you thought he must already be home. You turned around once more to see if he was following you. Not thinking twice you continued running, still shocked not knowing what exactly happened.

The first thing Heeseung did after arriving home from his first-ever lost match was take a cold shower. He let the icy water cascade down his body while still thinking about you. What if he did something bad to you during your date? He knew Jisung was up to no good, yet he let you go out with him. He stepped out of the cabin and hurriedly dressed himself into comfortable clothes.

Where should he search for you? he should’ve at least asked you where you were going and now he had an entire city to rummage. Not bothering to dry his hair he grabbed his keys and opened the door only to see you, completely breathless, on the edge of crying at his sight.

Night, Saturday, 22nd October 2023

You stared at your reflection in a mirror, under the bright light of Heeseung’s bathroom. None of you dared to speak, both allowing you to catch your breath, collect thoughts and speak whenever you’re ready. He just let you in and gave you his T-shirt and pair of shorts you always wore whenever you paid him an unexpected visit and wanted to get changed into something more comfortable.

Heeseung decided to prepare a quick meal for you and took your favorite snacks he stored in his kitchen, just in case. Your state worried him to the point he didn’t know what to do. He knew one thing though. Jisung wanted to hurt you, and either he succeeded or his attempt stayed as an attempt. He waited patiently for you, giving you all the time you needed, and thought of all the possible scenarios and how he could comfort you.

You finally decided to leave the bathroom and took a seat next to him on the couch. For a while, the silence filled the room with hesitation and uncertainty.

“Do you wanna talk or eat first?” he asked, trying to sound as gentle as he could.

“Eat,” you simply whispered, voice cracking on the way.

Heeseung looked up at you. You hugged your knees, eyes mentally checked out. He raised his hand to rub your shoulder but stopped himself midway, instead he just nodded and stood up to hand you your bowl. You quietly thanked him and took a bite of still hot noodles he had prepared. Silence once again submerged the room, the only audible sound was an occasional noodle slurp.

Once you finished and placed a bowl on the table sudden realisation hit you. You were assaulted. Jisung wanted to hurt you and he certainly didn’t change. And that Heeseung was right. Your eyes brimmed with tears.

Your expression told him everything he needed to know. Guilt crept over him and all h could think was if it could be prevented. If only his pride and ego didn’t blind him if only he wouldn’t let his emotions stop him. But now it was too late. You, the person he loved dearly was hurt, making him feel helpless.

Before he could think how can he comfort you, you were already in his arms. You cried your heart out on his shoulder as he just closed you in his warm and secure embrace, wanting to bring home to you, in such a crisis you were in.

“Hee, you were right!” you cried, choking on each word. “I should’ve listened to you, it’s all my fault!”

Heeseung pulled out t your words and cupped your cheeks in his palms. His eyes were full of compassion and regret, accentuated by tears that threatened to fall down his face. “No Y/n. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. I am here to listen and help you.”

His words felt like a soft Sunbeams that hit your skin after days of constant rain. You felt like your tensed body slowly relaxes at his touch and words as he spoke. Realizing how lucky you got, to have a friend like him you smiled as tears still blurred your vision. Nonetheless, you still noticed how he also smiled at you, eyes expressing nothing but pure love and will to protect you from everything.

“Plus the way he looks at you speaks for itself better than your constant love confessions,” you recalled Jennifer’s words now replaying all the memories you made with him during those almost 4 years of friendship.

How he never hesitated to help you whenever he saw you struggling.

How he never let you skip meals during exam season, sacrificing his own study time.

How he always managed to make time for you.

How he helped you live to the fullest during your high school days.

How he was the only person to truly know how to calm you down and help you relax.

How he was the only person to know your true self.

How he just stayed by your side, even though you were wrong, and hurt him with your insensitive words.

He truly does love you. How could you not see this?

What bugged you, even more, was how you didn’t realize you loved him too, maybe even more than he loves you. His compassion, passion, and kindness made him an angel you did not deserve.

“Hee, I’m so sorry.” You shook your head from disbelief at your own obliviousness and stupidity. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, for what I said a few days ago. I regret it and never intended to hurt you.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, he just smiled and invited you into his embrace once again. You gladly fell into his arms and melted in the comforting touch that helped you feel at ease. Your oasis. Your home.

Evening, Friday, 28th April 2023

The spectators were going crazy at the fierce match between the two teams. Your university’s players were currently losing by a few points but still were hoping to win regionals. While teams were discussing tactics with their coaches during a short break you were shouting words of encouragement along with other fans.

After the floor got cleaned players once again stepped on the court and started the last quarter. The ball relocated quickly between the hands of opponents when because of a small mistake of one of them it landed in your team’s captain, Heeseung’s hands. Your side of the bleachers screamed out of joy as he scored 3 points.

For a few minutes, none of the teams scored, raising the stress and emotions to the maximum. Now Heeseung’s team needed a final word to win the game and knock current front-runners off their pedestal. The tension in the air suffocated everyone, they were equally close and far from winning, because of the exhaustion of the other team.

The clock showed one minute till the end and a sudden rush of adrenaline overpowered Heeseung’s body. He had to lead his team to victory and he knew he could do it. He waited for the right moment and took the ball away from another player. He rushed to the hoop making an impressive buzzer beater leaving one side of the hall in tears of regret and the other one of joy.

The team surrounded him in a group hug, celebrating the victory and making it to the nationals, for the first time in your university’s history.

Seeing him so happy and smiley because of victory made your heart fill with glee and pride.

You saw how his teammates’ girlfriends rushed to congratulate them. That’s when Heeseung and your eyes met. He made a confused expression and you saw him say, barely audible because of the noise: “What are you waiting for?” and opened his arms.

You laughed and rushed his way to engulf him in a hug, not caring about the layer of sweat that covered his body and clothes. You pulled out, arms still wrapped around his neck, and kissed him, feeling salty drops on your lips. He melted in your touch and lifted your body while spinning around. You giggled against his lips and pulled away saying: “I’m so proud of you, love” making his cheeks and tips of ears turn bright pink. “I love you so much,” you confessed and looked deeply into his beautiful dark eyes.

“I love you more,” he said leaving a sweet kiss on your temple.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

[noiriarti]

The Arrangement: Armitage Hux x Reader (College AU) Ch. 3

Summary: A cuddle-buddies-to-lovers college AU.

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, [Ch. 3], Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6

Chapter 3: Four Knocks

He felt even more fucked the next morning. He had promised himself he would not fall asleep with you there, and instead spend the night on the couch. But he wanted five more minutes. And so he five-more-minutes-ed his way into falling asleep remarkably quickly. Unlike most other nights, he didn't wake up tossing and turning, or stare at the ceiling and beg for sleep to come. But that was a problem.

When he woke up, it wasn't to his blaring alarm clock. The room was silent, apart from the sound of your breathing. Right. Your breathing. He was in bed. With you. Maybe five more minutes wouldn't hurt. As he drifted off, he saw the clock he kept on his desk. It was fucking noon.

Armitage had very regimented days, and sleeping in until noon was not part of the plan. He usually loved days crammed with activities and tasks. They kept him on target, made sure he achieved all his goals, and prevented him from thinking too carefully about what he really wanted in life. Today, however, he found himself wanting to do none of his usual routine. He'd already slept through orgo and the gened he shared with Phasma--did it really matter if he didn't do his stupid MCAT flashcards?

After laying there for over half an hour, in and out of sleep while still holding you, he decided he should probably wake you. The very thought seemed cruel; you were so angelic like this, the frizzes in your hair caught by the morning light, your lips parted just so. Your hand had gotten under his at some point in the night, and he tentatively rubbed a gentle circle with his thumb over your knuckles. 

But he really should wake you, he reasoned. Armitage said your name and squeezed your hand (and decided not to process that he was holding your hand), but you didn't shift. He repeated himself, louder this time, and then again, which drew a groan from you.

"I'm up, I'm up," you grumbled. You shifted under his arm, turning around to face him with your eyes still closed. He found himself almost smiling at you, so clearly pretending.

"Alright, then open your eyes," he teased. You produced some sort of noise, obviously displeased, but opened your eyes to look at him.

"The good news is you got plenty of sleep, but the bad news is that it's 12:30," he said. Your eyes widened, and you bolted upright in bed and cursed, looking for your phone, or a clock, or something to prove him wrong. He was, unfortunately, completely correct, which meant that you had missed one class, and half of another. Goodbye, sweet attendance points.

"Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. Besides, I'm in Discrete Math and Algorithms with one of my friends, Dopheld, and he can send me the notes," you said. The silence hung between you for a few seconds. "Want some breakfast? I mean, lunch? ...Brunch?" Armitage nodded, and you hopped out of his bed to go back to your room and change.

Ten minutes later, he found you in the kitchen, making yourself an obscenely large bowl of Lucky Charms. You offered the box to him, and he hesitated. Usually, he ate two cups of Greek yogurt with rolled oats, a teaspoon of honey, and fruit, if someone else hadn't eaten it already. Lucky Charms were calorically inefficient, according to his stepmother Maratelle.

Fuck it. He poured the cereal into the bowl and covered it with milk, then went to perch on the couch. Millie, who had spent the night somewhere around your feet, came up to lay next to him. Gwen had sent him a couple of texts asking where he was, and then just sent her notes when class had ended. While drunk on wine, once, he had bitched to her about how little sleep he got, and, since then, she had been buying him melatonin gummies and encouraging him to sleep through his early morning classes. You deserve it, she said, although Armitage wasn't sure he "deserved" anything, really. Working hard was the entire reason he came here.

You sat down next to him, thighs touching again, and ate your cereal with a vicious speed. By the time you finished, he was barely a quarter of the way through, so you got up and made yourself another bowl. Between mouthfuls, you determined you would be the first to speak.

"So, we should probably talk," you said. Apparently, that was the best you could come up with. 

"Is everything alright?" Hux asked, although he really meant to ask what he did wrong, and beg you to give him one more night. The desperation with which he wanted to touch you, to hold you again was staggering. He didn't remember where it came from, and it shocked him. You didn't seem any the wiser to his generally panicked state, so you continued eating the cereal.

"Yeah, just thought we might want to establish some ground rules. Like, no sex, just cuddling." Armitage nodded. "And we can end at any time one of us wants to." He nodded again. "And we shouldn't tell Gwen and Kylo. They wouldn't let us live it down." Armitage chuckled, but nodded. "Finally, I think we should promise to tell each other if we catch feelings. And just, be honest in general."

"Agreed." The final rule worried him for some reason he couldn't quite place, but he let it go. "Perhaps we could meet later in the night, when Gwen and Kylo are asleep? They tend to sleep earlier than I do, so we could meet around 12:45? Oh, and we do not have to meet each night. Just text me if you want to," he added. You smiled at him, finished your cereal, and the two of you watched garbage Netflix shows for two more hours before going back to work.

And so, your arrangement was born. Most days, he'd get a text from you in the afternoon saying something like "see you tonight?" or "hang out later?" and he knew to expect you. At 12:45 am, almost on the dot, he'd hear it. Tap tap tap tap. Always four, always quiet. What you did each night varied. Sometimes, you wanted to be quiet and rest, but, on others, you'd go through your day and tell him about what had happened in class, and he found himself telling you about his day, too. About how he loved chemistry, but was terrified of med school. Of the responsibility. His medical ethics gened with Gwen was really scaring the bejeezus out of him. 

About three nights in, you turned to him and said that you should get to know each other better. Each of you would ask 5 questions of the other, you said. He answered your questions with ease the first night. Favorite animal? Cats. Duh. Favorite TV show? Doctor Who. Best friend? Gwen, probably. Last time he went on a date? A year ago. Why become a doctor? That one was much harder. Because it felt like the right thing for him to do, he said. Because he liked it.

He asked the same questions right back. Cats, Friends, also probably Gwen, last month, and because the pay is better in computer science. He tried not to dwell on the fact that you had been on a date recently (by his standards). He casually inquired if you were still seeing them, but you told him it didn't go well. He didn't ask more questions about it.

Night over night, though he found your closeness and warmth incredible, he realized he was looking forward to hearing about your day more than anything. The tap tap tap tap on his door meant he'd ask you five questions about you--not just the you that went to classes and put food out for Millie, but the real you. The core of you. One time, when your head was on his chest and he was trying to slow his heart down so you wouldn't hear it, you asked him about his insecurities (how pale he was, that he wasn't smart enough for med school). When he asked you the same question, you listed some that baffled him. What did you mean, your voice? Or your hair? Or that you felt like you were always behind everyone else in class? It broke his heart to hear you speak about yourself like that, which he immediately told you, and regretted. He whispered into the night that you had a great voice, and he thought your hair was very good hair, and that you had literally caught up to the compsci juniors in half a year, so you could be nothing short of brilliant. He didn't see it, but a tear or two slipped out.

A month into your arrangement, Armitage took stock of his life, and realized you probably knew him better than he did. Some mornings, he'd come out of his room and find a bowl with two cups of Greek yogurt with rolled oats, a teaspoon of honey, and strawberries. Just how he liked it. And he would grab you lunch right before the dining halls closed, so that when you arrived ten minutes later after class, you could still have food. 

It was little things that alerted Phasma to whatever you two had going on. The unsubtle mooning eyes Armitage was giving you across the living room were disgusting, but confirmation. You were making he same face at him when he was poring over his books five minutes later, which was doubly disgusting, but double confirmation. It was time to do something about it.

Two days later, when she had left class, Phasma sent a text to the roommate group chat, like she always did around that time. Lunch? Within 5 minutes, Armitage had sent a thumbs up, and you had liked the message. Kylo left it on read, which was Kylo-speak for yes. Thirty minutes later, you were gathered in the Holdo Dining Hall, eating a variety of carbs, as usual. Kylo was giving a replay of something that had happened at their last match (something about their goalman getting hit in the face by the ball?), when Phasma interrupted him with your name. 

"Yeah?" You asked nonchalantly. Gwen smiled like a predator about to catch its prey, mainly because she was.

"I've got some juicy gossip about you," Gwen singsonged. Armitage's head whipped around. He didn't even realize he had been staring at you. Gossip? About you? That was probably about some party you went to. You had skipped last Saturday, and, after surviving the bone-crushing emptiness of his room, you had told Armitage the next night that the party was absolutely insane and featured multiple friends-of-friends making out. His heartbeat accelerated. What if you had kissed someone there?

"I know someone who has a crush on you."

Armitage's heart stopped.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

AN: all four of them share a brain cell, and phasma has it 99% of the time

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i feel so high school (au) pt. 3.A: galex

watched the race late, had a small heart attack, projected my mental cacophony on tumblr and now i need to take a creative scuba dive so anyway here are some high school aus for my fav f1 rpf ships and an exploration of who knows how to ball, and who knows aristotle

(based off american high school setups cause of the song… honestly just getting silly with this one)

water polo!george/mathlete! alex: george knows how to ball, alex knows aristotle. i’m basing this one a little bit off my own high school (way back when) because when it came to sports we were almost complete obsolete, like the laughing stocks of the district because our funding to performance ratio was so ridiculous. but one thing we could absolute SMOKE everyone else in was water polo. we were the 2023 max verstappen in water polo.

so anyways this high school is dominant in any sort of aquatic sport. george plays water polo, he’s not the best on the team but he’s also on swim and he’s by far the fastest. the other sports aren’t too bad, but the frat boy/party king vibes are more limited to like football, basketball, etc. because there’s an elitist aura around the aquatic teams. they’re respected because of how much clout they earn for the school but they do sort of act like they’re above everyone (george included) so they don’t have a lot of popularity points within the student body.

for those of you who don’t know, mathletes is a math program in american schools (i’m assuming it’s only american) where the best mathematicians in the school actually compete in tournaments and competitions like a sports team. alex has always been a gifted kid, not valedictorian but outperforming a good portion of his class, but the area where he’s an absolute prodigy is math. he was taking grade 10 courses when he was 14 and he only got better. he’s really shy and doubts himself a lot, he talks too much when he’s nervous and because kids can be cruel he’s been called out for that more than once. he tends to overanalyze how people are reacting to him and overcompensates by being as quiet as he can, drawing almost no attention to himself. he feels the most comfortable doing math-related challenges and competitions, even if it involves public speaking, because at least it’s logical and formulaic and there’s a definitive right-or-wrong answer.

meet-cute? towards the end of the year, both teams (water polo and mathletes respectively) have gotten far enough in their own series that they’re both traveling more and more for events. it’s a small town, so they often end up going pretty far. one week the place for the mathletes’ next round is less than forty-five minutes farther than the water polo game, so to be efficient the school puts both teams on the same bus, dropping off the water polo team first. cue the most AWKWARD school bus ride ever as one half is chattering over each other running equations and practicing formulas and the other half is bored out of their minds and very much exuding “ew get me away from the nerds”. george and alex end up sitting together because alex needs to be at the front because he gets carsick. right away alex is super self-conscious being away from the people he actually knows and he’s scared he’s going to embarrass himself by being sick and the water polo team is being too loud around him so he’s just sitting stone-still trying to have a really discrete panic attack. george is the only one who notices.

he manages to sort of talk alex down eventually, not even mentioning the anxiety just starting light conversation and getting his mind off the nausea. and george is a really good listener, he’s the only person alex has met in months if not years who will listen to alex talk and not get impatient with him no matter how off-topic he gets. so they end up forming this surprising but enjoyable little connection on the bus until finally they get to the competing school where the water polo match is. everyone has to get off because they need to refuel the buses so the two groups have about an hour of lunch time and just hanging around before they split, george and alex spend most of it together with george buying alex a meal and alex spending the whole time like ???? cute guy being nice to me ??? WHA until at some point george is like “hey wanna go for a swim?”

and alex just turns sheet white and looks like someone’s threatened to strand him in the middle of the ocean and he’s goin “nononononono!!” and george gets confused and a little insulted and he’s like “come on mate what’s the big deal? i’ll let you borrow some clothes, come on it’ll be fun” putting a little bit more pressure than he should until alex straight up leaves in the middle of the conversation and hides on the bus even before it’s ready to go.

both teams lose that weekend. when they go back to home turf alex sits in the back of the bus, doesn’t talk to anyone, eventually does get sick. finally after a few days of trying to get back to normal at school george seeks out alex trying to apologize and also find out what he did wrong, and alex has been beating himself up over the tournament and embarrassing himself and he’s not sleeping trying to review the mistakes he made and he’s more vulnerable than he needs to be until finally he tells george: he can’t swim.

[sankiago]

Productivity Challenge 1/14

I've been struggling with consistency, and now I'm paying for it. Inspired by this math sorcerer video, I'll grind for 14 days straight to catch up on my classes.

I got 5 hours today, so my goals will be:

Study Set Theory (2h): Build whole numbers.

Study Probability (1h): Solve discrete distributions problem set.

Study Algorithms (1h): Learn about arrays (Visualgo).

Study Competitive Programming (1h): Try to solve an unsolved contest problem.

[marytamm]

Ok, so I'm a big fan of Gravity Falls, but also a math major and a huge nerd in general, so when I saw in Journal 3 that apparently Stanford Pines took a cryptography course in college, it got me thinking.

Why on earth would he even bother using substitute cyphers if they are literally the easiest ones to break? (Ok, Vigener's code is beter in that regard, but still... The man notes that he needs to conceal his writing from others, others including a guy inventing and using computers as well as an omniscient entity... Then proceeds to use a shift based code for the most part of his writing).

So I didn't take a proper cryptography course myself (yet), but we did dabble in it in our discrete math class, and among other things we discussed the RSA algorithm which basically allows you to easily encrypt your message, but deciphering it takes a while because prime numbers and stuff (may I at this point refer you to Wikipedia), to the point where it is basically unbreakable in a sensible amount of time even with modern day computers! (By the way, that's why it's still in use for online data protection, electronic signatures and stuff).

Oh, and an article by Martin Gardner explaining in detail how it works was published in Scientific American in 1977.

(No shade to show's creators, I understand that they absolutely don't have to know these kinds of things, I'm just nerding out from a watsonian perspective because I can)

So this leaves us with the following options:

a) RSA wasn't invented in the world of Gravity Falls (which is fine but I do wonder then how their internet security works);

b) it was invented, but like, five years later, so Ford simply missed it;

c) it was invented AND published in 1977, Ford just didn't bother to learn it (which is fair enough, I guess, but still 🌚).

So, want do you think?

Anyway, thanks for coming to my rant. I should really go and get a life now or something.

[asbestieos]

Nazuna Nito Idol Story - Kindness

Author: Asbestieos

Characters: Nazuna, Asta

Season: Summer

Location: Seisoukan Apartment Library

“Then again, that’s what happens when you pile too much onto your plate — you can’t eat it all, and what’s leftover goes to waste. Even if you pace yourself when eating such a large meal, being full is still being full.”

Asta: Grrrh…

Asta: Mmmnhhh…

Asta: Raaah!!!

Nazuna: …

Nazuna: Asta, maybe we should take a break…?

Asta: ! I was waiting for you to say that!

Nazuna: I’m hungry, anyway. We should go grab a snack. What do you think? Should we go out to a cafe?

Asta: Cafe break, cafe break! Let’s go to Café Cinnamon since I have an employee discount.

Asta: Yippie!!! All this mathematical work is frying my brain.

Asta: I’m totally useless at this calculus stuff. Don’t get me started on discrete math…

Asta: I feel like I’m just bothering you for answers at this point. We’ve been studying for hours, and I don’t have much to show for it.

Nazuna: Don’t be discouraged. It’s not so bad, is it? You have half of that sheet done! That’s progress.

Asta: Grrr.

Nazuna: Grrr?

Asta: Nana, y’ got all your work done, didn’t’cha? You’re just sittin’ there, typing away, pretending to be working, to spare my feelings of inadequacy.

Nazuna: Um… Yes, and no. I got my classwork covered, but right now, I’m technically doing more schoolwork.

Nazuna: Official stuff, like registering for next semester.

Asta: Ohh?

Nazuna: Actually, I’m also sending a request to drop a class for this semester.

Asta: Oooh?! Really? Which class?

Nazuna: My lab class for chemistry, eheh. Somehow, my labwork always ended up being saved for last, and on top of more important classes, I could never get it done.

Asta: Aah, I had to do that, too! As long as you contact the dean of the chemistry department, it should be fine. Make sure to CC them if you’re emailing.

Nazuna: Oh? I was just going to email the professor. I didn’t even think of the dean.

Asta: Yeah, I didn’t think that neither. But there were a bunch of classes I had to drop ‘cause I just couldn’t do ‘em, so I learned through my own errors that dropping a class is easier if you go directly to a department head.

Nazuna: I heard you had to drop most of your classes. There’s no shame in it, y’know? Post-secondary education is super hard, and you gotta take it at your own pace.

Asta: Mmyaaah. I’m not ashamed, but it’s real frustrating.

Nazuna: Mhm. It’s like, ‘I can totally do this work if it was the only thing I had to do, but as it stands, I have so many other things to worry about that this has no room in my mind!’

Nazuna: ���There’s just no way I can catch-up with what I missed!’ and all. It’s not like I’m never taking the class again, but since it’s a general education class and we can take it later, I’ll fit it into my class schedule next semester.

Asta: What a long-winded way to put it! You’ve been thinking a lot about dropping this class, huh?

Nazuna: I guess so. Like you said, it’s frustrating. Even with all my determination, I just couldn’t keep up with this class.

Nazuna: Then again, that’s what happens when you pile too much onto your plate — you can’t eat it all, and what’s leftover goes to waste. Even if you pace yourself when eating such a large meal, being full is still being full.

Asta: What an analogy!

Asta: From one class-dropper to another, I’m not judging you, Nana. Besides, you’re juggling a lot between idol part-timing and college work. You’re amazing, y’know~

Nazuna: Well, my idol activities are extremely far and few between… But whenever Ra*bits requires a plus-one, I’m their go-to, and I try to leave my schedule open for them.

Nazuna: Don’t you have to balance work and school, too? You work as a producer, right?

Asta: Hah! Work as a producer! With what unit? Nyaaah, but it is kinda tough balancing my part-time jobs with schoolwork. Even though I now take like, two classes this semester…

Asta: Aaahhh, I dunno! After this semester, I might just take a leave of absence.

Asta: At Reimei, we had this philosophy that it’s okay to reach for your dreams, but it’s also okay to wait, you know? Like, Rome wasn’t built in a day, so if you don’t immediately get what you want, don’t sweat it.

Asta: Sooo~ It’s totally okay to take off from work and school if I plan on coming back later, right?

Nazuna: It sounds like an excuse you’re using to withdraw from everything, though—work, school…

Nazuna: Hmph, from me, too! Even getting you to study with me today was annoying. I mean, didn’t’cha basically ghost my texts?

Asta: Weh?! I’d never ghost you, Nazunyan…!! It wasn’t on purpose, I promise!

Asta: I just saw your messages when I was super depressed, and I thought ‘oh, I’ll respond when I’m feeling better’. But then I didn’t end up feeling better until way, way later…

Nazuna: (Grabs the ears of Asta’s headband)

Asta: Waaahhh?!?

Nazuna: That happens when ya overwhelm yourself, y’ fool! Ya can’t let yer frushtration an’ disappointment take control of ya!

Nazuna: Don’t take a leave o’ absence! Neither from work, nor school!

Asta: Okay, okay! Release me, fiend!

Nazuna: (He lets go) …From what I understand, you overworked yourself, right? Regardless of the classes you dropped, this life at present is the life you’ve chosen, and it looks like you’ve been coping well now that you’ve dropped the classes stressing you out. Compared to the life you had before, it’s not too much, is it?

Asta: Mmmh… It’s not too much. This math work is wayyy easier than the things I was doing before during my time at Reimei.

Nazuna: Right? Do you think giving up on what you’ve got now is okay, just ‘cause things are difficult? Is that fair to the you who fought to be here?

Nazuna: Hardship’s to be expected, so give yourself a break and don’t push everything away just because you don’t think you can handle it. If you need help, you’ve gotta ask for it, too.

Asta: Aaahhh! Raaah! Okay, meow! That’s sensible.

Asta: I gotta be kinder to myself. I’m really trying to do that. I didn’t get enough kindness from myself when I was young, so I’ve got to be nice.

Asta: Sooo…

Asta: For the sake of being kind to myself, could you teach me how to solve this matrix…?

Nazuna: Ah, this one? You know how to solve it! You’ve gotta arrange it like so first…

Asta: …Oh! Oh, I see! When you set it up like that, I just have to multiply across and then… Pop, pop, pop… (Focusing)

Nazuna: Right, then you just have to… ? Asta?

Asta: Baa, moo moo… (Focused)

Nazuna: Asta??

Nazuna: Woah, don’t write so fast, you’ll give your hand a cramp! You’re way too focused right now!

Nazuna: Can you even hear me…?

Nazuna: Aww… W-What happened to taking a Café break…

[random2908]

Here's a question I was asked over the weekend. How can space be quantized, when if you move one unit in x, and one unit in y, you're now more than one and less than two units away from your starting point along the diagonal?[1]

Well, first let me start by saying that I'm agnostic about actual physical space being quantized in the first place, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's more likely than not. But my friend's point isn't a problem for quantization at all.

To give a quick answer, the problem is my friend is thinking in geometry, and geometry is the wrong type of math for talking about quantum mechanics, even when talking about a problem that seems geometric.

But let's illustrate the problem being asked. Let's say you move 1 space-unit to the right and 1 space-unit up. The friend asking the question says you'd be farther away:

In this illustration, space is discrete and quantized. Each dot represents a place in quantized space, and you can't be between the dots. The distance between the dots is even in x and y, and you have to be integer number distances from your starting point, like 1 or 2 or 3 dots away. But in this hypothetical, where you've moved one dot over in x (blue) and then one dot over in y (red), if you measure along the diagonal (purple dashed line, which you did not directly travel), you are indeed farther away from your starting point than 1 space. By the Pythagorean theorem, you are √2=1.4 dot-spacings away. That's not 1 or 2, so shouldn't be allowed, right?

Similarly, you can choose to move directly along a diagonal away from your starting point, instead. There's no reason why not; the universe doesn't have a preferred direction. So let's say our diagonal directions are A and B, which are 45 degrees off from x and y, respectively. Of course you can move 1 unit in A just as easily as you could move 1 unit in x:

And that's the same unit distance you moved in x before, but now it's along A instead. All fair enough! But if you move 1 unit distance in A, how far did you move in x? In geometry, you can project onto x to see:

Here the gray dots are exactly our original x and y dots, while the black dots are still our A and B dots. The spacings are all the same, we just have two sets rotated 45 degrees compared to each other. Well, now we see that there's a problem. You moved 1 unit distance in A, very valid, but you appear to have only moved 1/√2=0.7 in x. That's a fractional distance; that's completely not allowed if space is quantized. There can't be any such thing as fractional distances. So there's a contradiction! Right?

Well, no, the problem is actually that the reasoning is all wrong. See, so far we've been taking a geometric approach. We've got our vectors, x, y, A, B, and when we project the vector A onto x and y, we get A=1/√2x+1/√2y, according to the Pythagorean theorem. That's all true, but we're interpreting it in geometry, where 1/√2x means we've moved to 0.7x. That's fine if our vectors are in a geometric space, but in quantum mechanics our vectors are not in a geometric space, even when we're talking about geometry. (They're in Hilbert space, if you care.) While we still use the Pythagorean theorem to switch between bases that pertain to geometry, so the equations all look the same, 1/√2x refers to a completely different thing than distance, in quantum mechanics.

In quantum mechanics, it's way more important than in geometry that you choose your orthogonal basis states carefully. x and y are orthogonal (perpendicular) to each other; A and B are orthogonal to each other; that's all fine in both geometry and quantum mechanics. But in geometry, you can set up a system where your axes are x and A. It'll be a bit of a mess to calculate things, because they aren't perpendicular to each other, but you can totally do it--and if you ever took trig in high school, you probably had to as a class assignment. In quantum mechanics, since x and A are not orthogonal, they are not compatible with each other and you can't talk about them at the same time. And when we say A=1/√2x+1/√2y, we're not talking about distances along x and y, we're talking about amount:

So in the above illustration, we've once again moved diagonally, to +1A. Now, what if, having already done that, we want to talk about x and y instead. Well, since we're switching from one basis to another, the result is that we're at both +1x and +1y simultaneously. We're at two places at once! That's the key difference between quantum mechanics' vector space and geometric spaces, we're not partway to x and partway to y, we're all the way at both but only partially. Since A is 45 degrees off from x and y, it projects the same amount to each one, so in fact we're half at +1x and half at +1y. If we were to check to see if we were at +1x or +1y, well, once a measurement is done we have to be in one place or the other to have interacted with the measurement, so we'll only be at +1x or +1y.[2] But if we repeatedly move to +1A and then measure where we are in x and y, we'll find that since we were in both equally before the measurement, we have a 50% chance of measuring that we're at +1x and a 50% chance of measuring that we're at +1y.[3] Now here's a fun thing. Let's say we have two measurement devices, one that measures x and y, and the other measures A and B. Remember that, since A is not perpendicular to x, in quantum mechanics we can't measure both with the same device.[4]

Let's say we start out at +1x. First we use our x-y measurement device and find that we're at +1x, duh. Then we use our A-B measurement device and we have a 50% chance of finding we're at +1A and a 50% chance of finding we're at -1B. Sure, all makes sense. But what if we do it in the opposite order?

Ok, we've again started out at +1x. We use our A-B measurement device, and we might find that we're at +1A or we might find that we're at -1B. If we find that we're at +1A we are now at +1A. Where we were before the measurement does not matter, that link is now broken. So when we measure where we are in x and y, from +1A, we find there's a 50% chance we're at +1x and a 50% chance we're at +1y. Likewise, if our first measurement gave us -1B, after the second measurement we have a 50% chance of being at +1x and a 50% chance of being at -1y. Even though when we started we were nowhere in y, we were just in x, now we might be in y instead of x! Now it seems like we've hit a real contradiction, finally--but actually we've just found something that may be stupid and wrong-sounding, but it's empirically borne out by a century of experiments. Yes, you really can start out in x and end up in y, not by actually moving, but through good experimental design. Because even when you're talking about a geometric question, geometry is still the wrong type of math, and the right type of math only barely cares that it was a geometric question to start with.

[1] We're going to leave aside all the misconceptions in the question, like the conflation of motion, position, and the quantization of space, which are three entirely separate concepts. For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to conflate them all in this explanation, too. In the real world, though, motion and position are conjugates, which is a whole special degree of being incompatible with each other. And then the quantization of space is simply unrelated to either of them.

[2] I did a discussion of what a measurement/observation means in the reblog of this post, although I only used that language a bit toward the end: https://random2908.tumblr.com/post/649828868848582656/random2908-ac-ld-hopefully-tumblrs-tagging

[3] Of course we can pick any bases we want. We could pick some new ones that we'll call C and D, which are 30 degrees off from x and y, respectively. If we moved to +1C, well, again by simple trig, C=√3/2x+1/2y. The amount we're in one or the other is the square of the coefficient, so the math is actually easier than it looks. So in this case we're 3/4 in x and 1/4 in y, and if we were to measure in x and y we'd have a 75% chance of measuring that we're at x and a 25% chance of measuring that we're at y.

[4] Well, obviously in this geometric case, we can use the same device to measure both x-y and A-B if we tilt the device by 45 degrees--that would be really stupid if we couldn't do that. But then it's effectively a different device as far as quantum measurement theory is concerned--at least in this context, anyway. And in the general case, where the relationship between x-y and A-B is something other than geometric, we sometimes really do need a different device. The important thing is we can't measure both x-y and A-B with the same device at the same time. (Or even with different devices at the same time, for that matter.)

[koppiki]

gah, I HATE how long chapter 30 is taking to get out, and I also hate that my ability to translate more chapters is directly tied to my sureness that it will actually COME OUT at any point, given how things are going, it's not really anyone's fault, but when stuff takes so long I start feeling like it'll never happen again y'know?

doesn't help that my cleaner has gone what I would charitably call "minimum contact," so I got NO fuckin' clue what the progress/situation is on ANY of that, I would get more cleaners but I have known this man for like SEVEN YEARS (since high school) so like... I feel like I can't do that

oh also still looking for a typesetter for Q, What is Love, not that anyone here would necessarily interface because of that, but I figure may as well say it anywhere that I can

especially since it seems I can't actually make a damn CHAPTER ANNOUNCEMENT when the chapter ain't gonna be OUT

thankfully takeshino works pretty quick (and is communicative) so at least once the cleans are done (as they are now) I get some gosh-darn EMOTIONAL SECURITY for once, feeling like it'll actually get done

I also just feel bad for leaving people on cliffhangers, I guess- chapter 29 is a real cliffhanger, after all. Chapter 30 is not. On account of being... the last chapter of the volume. Those don't tend to be quite so cliffhangery. Except in romcoms. Which this is not. It is a com, though. Solidly a com.

OH I also read a gl that I thought was quite good called "Throw Away the Suit Together." With the period and everything, in the romanized title. I really liked it. The art was great, and was used to good effect in expressing the emotions and whatnot. Good stuff. I also just tend to like any gl that isn't just... schoolgirls. Since, y'know, over-saturated, and not relatable, and tends to have all those issues of like... implying that bein' a lesbian is just a phase, or some weird pure thing to be put on a pedestal, or anything like that. This doesn't have that. It does have explicit imagery though, so don't read it if you don't like that sort of thing. If you don't mind it, though, this is expressly a recommendation to go and check it out.

my sleep schedule has been slipping. I need to get up at 8 now, which means I need to go to bed before 12, and I am not doing that now. I was doing it for a while. Today and yesterday, not so. Probably still fine. I'll get used to it.

Oh, I also started reading the Kamonohashi Ron mango that my dear mutual headinabox posted about, since it looked interesting, and it certainly is! Deeply fun manga. Really enjoying it so far.

I ALSO read Futari Escape (very good), My Solo Exchange Diary (excellent, and I didn't know it existed until just recently), Mizuno and Chayama (quite good, if disjointed- the artistry made up for it though), Hello, Melanchoic! (fun one)... and started and dropped some other stuff that wasn't so good.

When I read My Solo Exchange Diary, I read it in math class. This would've been a bad call if the math teacher was good, because it meant I would've missed out on Crucial Learning, but (un)fortunately he is a very not-so-good teacher (who I have had the misfortune of having before) so... is good. But it was also STILL not a good call, because that mango made me cry, and crying is not really what I want to be doing in Discrete Math. Usually. Really good, though. Sorta wish I had read it at home so I didn't have to tamper my emotional responses.

Also back to the ron mango, I read that one in modern physics. Which was actually a bad call, as that class calls for pretty active participation, so I got in a little bit of trouble. I blame the mango, for being too enjoyable. How dare it distract me (I guess). Ha.

I wanna talk more about mangoes with people. I don't get a ton of opportunities to do it? I mean, I do get opportunities. I got the fishcord, and that has discussion aplenty should the situation arise. I guess I just meant... vocally. In person. That sort of thing. Don't know a lot of in-person folks that share my hobbies, or at least that aspect of them. I got folks I play games with, certainly, and they know me well enough now (and are comfortable enough with their sexuality) for me to talk about that sort of thing, but the mangoes (especially translation, and any gls and bls) remain pretty solidly outside of their zone. Not that that's a problem. I'm content on my own, in this specific case. Mostly. Though I guess half the reason I read these things is to fill that on-my-own-edness, so... sort of a... catch-22? I want to talk about the things I read, but I read the things I read because I don't have so many folks to talk to. Not really an exact cyclical relationship (cuts out a lot of middlemen) but it sorta is? If you squint?

Oversimplification is a bad thing to do, but sometimes it's all you can do.

Anyways, if you actually read all this, hello. How are you? I hope all is well. Enjoy your day, and all that. Reading my solo exchange diary kinda made my brain go funky (in a good way, I think? somewhat?) with respect to conceptualizations of relationships and interpersonal reactions generally. Makes me both... want to try talking to people, and more okay with the fact that I don't talk to as many. Though she is certainly right that it's important to have a variety of people to spread the load amongst, as it were. Can't get all my social interaction (even though I don't necessarily need a ton) from just the same one guy. I imagine it's bothersome, somewhat. Much like this would be if I actually said it to someone. That's why typing is a magical thing. I don't need to say it, and there's no obligation to read it. It just is, and if someone reads it, that's on them. It's not like it's addressed to anyone, it's not like there's social expectation... though I guess on the other side of things, it makes it all that less likely to actually be heard or responded to.

Which, I think, is sort of half the point of saying anything in the first place. So, whatever.

[r3d-f3rn]

my study habits

i haven’t been focused or motivated recently, but once my schedule picks up again i’ll probably be doing better.

Pomodoro 50/10 - ok i didn’t know there was a name for this until yesterday, but this is the timing method i find best. 50 minute study, 10 minute break. bonus is on that break, i make sure to get up and move a bit. occasionally, and if my walking buddy is out of class, i’ll take a full hour and force them to go on a walk with me.

Body doubling - i only recently discovered this one, and i don’t exactly hate it. for those who don’t know, some smart person somewhere was like “hey, people especially with neurodivergence (such as i) typically do better focusing if someone is also focusing on a similar thing” or something like that. i tried this both with another person (i love my walking buddy) and following along a youtube video without music (reason why is following). i think, personally, it’s best i do it with other people in-person because even if they don’t listen (they usually do bc i have awesome friends), i’ll recount the information, which often leads to some connection i wouldn’t have made otherwise.

Music - what a shocker. for me, my music depends on the day: i recently got over a break-up so i’ve been playing a lot of shit-talking music (waterfalls coming out your mouth by glass animals <3) but i constantly make new playlists to keep in fresh. also, i just recently bought a pair of noise-cancelling headphones because they were 40% off, but if you can’t afford them you honestly can just play white noise very quietly behind your music (or ambiance idk i know ppl use rain noises). it works better for headphones, but earbuds work too. but yeah that’s how noise-cancelling things cancel said noise, life hack ig.

Environment - on really bad days where i need more than just a coffee and literally spend 2+ hours trying to focus to no avail, i’ll go to a local café (SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS !!), order a redbull spritzer and a cheap plate of food (to make up for the ~$8 well spent). then, i force myself to sit down for at least 2 hours. i think it’s me romanticizing being mysterious, but if it works then i’ll do it. if i need a break, ill give myself 5 minutes to discretely people-watch. once, i saw my middle-school math teacher while i was doing this and i just- i think seeing teachers in public is fascinating, but i think everyone’s a lil interesting so idk.

RITUAL - i think this one is most important, especially if your schedule is too chaotic to set out a decent study schedule. mine starts off with filling a bottle with cold, infused water (trying to reduce my sugar so i’m not always tired) and lighting a candle that i associate with studying. mine used to be this lemon scrub from bath&body, but i ran out so now i’m using some rose water one.

part of my lack-of-studying recently is that my study space fucking sucked ass (tiny desk, don’t ever get wall-mounted desks) but i have a new desk coming in on Tuesday so i just have to cope til then. plus, i just got a 60+ year old lamp from my honorary grandma and i’m just too excited that i get to rearrange my room. :D

[asispsyche]

About to finish my first year of university and want to commemorate it

Here are my takeaways:

Living on campus is incredible. Getting away from my family has been great for me and I've got my dorm back for next fall. I'm going to start working this summer in hopes of being able to get an apartment or something in the city for next summer instead of going home

I've learned so much about romantic relationships! Not from being in one! From witnessing my roommate's. Excellent example of what not to do.

I am not opposed to having a guy for a roommate. But 3 people in one room is not a good arrangement. Yes I mean the boyfriend

I. Love. The. City. Part of the reason I chose my uni was bc it's in a city. When I first visited, we walked around some and I loved that you could do that. You could just walk everywhere because everything was so close together. Also I don't have a driver's license. I grew up in a normal suburban area where it was all houses and then businesses were just far enough apart that you had to drive to get anywhere. There were crosswalks, but they weren't safe. Here, I can use a crosswalk and have complete faith that the cars will stop.

Public transportation!!! Buses are awesome!

I think I have ADHD. I've known it was possible for a while, but it's really starting to make stuff difficult. Spring semester has not gone great. Had to drop one class and I'm honestly expecting a D in another. I need to start looking into a diagnosis.

To go with that, I've changed my major to undecided. I went in as Computer Science bc I took CS courses in HS and I was pretty good, so I figured that would be my thing. It is not. I did those courses for 3 years and every time they'd say we we're going to learn new stuff this year and then we never did. Counting my first semester of uni, I've learned the basics of java 4 times. Then second semester rolled around and I realized I did not want to do this for the rest of my life

Started a studio art minor. First course was art history, which I thought was going to be boring but I ended up enjoying it so much that I'm thinking about making it my new major

Took a course in scifi movies. Probably the best 8am I'll ever take. Would absolutely do again

Archeology course!!! Another strong contender for my new major

Morning courses really aren't too bad when they're a 10 min walk from my dorm

Ugh textbooks expensive

Signed up for summer courses

Laundry is relaxing. It helps that the machines in my building are free

Study rooms are great. Big windows are high on my hierarchy of needs

Dining halls 10/10

I don't like when the buses are crowded so I've started walking everywhere most of the time and it's great

Pretty buildings

Nice trails

Cool crystal shop in the city

I don't recommend getting sick during finals season. Especially in December. Laundry rooms are lovely when you suddenly become cold blooded like a lizard

Wish I'd joined the sailing club. Had fun at the interest meetings but didn't work with my schedule

What I took Fall 23:

Anthropology (tombs)

English

Comp. Sci pt. 1 and lab

What I took Spring 24:

Art History (Renaissance to Present)

Spanish pt. 1

Discrete Mathematics (it is math without numbers) (I miss multivariable calculus) (this is the one I dropped)

Comp. Sci pt. 2 (regret, but it was necessary)

What I'm doing this summer:

American History

Spanish pt. 2

What I'm doing next fall:

Color Theory

Jewelry Making

Astronomy (lab at night!)

Spanish pt. 3

[tornadodyke]

did my comp sci final today and i don't think i did too terribly bad on it (won't get my full grade back until my professor grades the written code portion of it). but my discrete math final is at 8am tomorrow which means i have to wake up at 4:30 in the fucking morning to wake UP enough to not get into a wreck on the roughly 50-minute highway drive down there at 6am. and i'm studying for it right now in a panic. ALL I NEED IS A C AND I'M DONE WITH THAT CLASS. ALL I NEED IS A C!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!! on the bright side my prob/stats grade shot up to a solid A because of all the bonus points i got. so i'll be fine on THAT final tomorrow (WHICH STARTS AT 8:10PM AT FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE HATES ME) but anyway. Anyway. Discrete Math Final My Beloathed

[the-pessimists-paradigm]

Into the Abyss

Chapter Three

(TW: depictions of vandalism, risky behavior, themes of rebellion. Reader discretion is advised.)

In my junior year, my misadventures with Aurora continued as tension escalated in her family life. Her mom started dating random men, as guys were brought home like a cat bringing a dead mouse to its owner. She described several of these stories to me daily, clutching my shoulders as she spoke exaggeratedly. We went from stealing wallets and skipping school to meeting older guys, (I never realized how bad that was until what happened to Aurora), which eventually put a stop to the fun-loving girl I once knew. One of these times remains fresh in my mind.

We were ditching class for the fourth time, walking through the plastered halls, makeup with fancy jeans. However, whenever we went out she would always glare at whatever guy chose to talk to me, tracing her fingers along my wrist, nails digging in as she smirked at them.

But instead of going out to a diner, or a park downtown, we stayed in. Her blue eyes were glittering with mischief, as she recited her plan, her usual smirk painted on her face with a slight blush. The leather purse had an extra weight to it, not simply due to drugs (Benadryl, cocaine, Percocets, and sometimes a cigarette or two), but an aerosol of black spray paint.

She had a motive that surprised me. The math teacher had failed her for speaking out about how stupid his lesson was. Fair, because when will I ever need to know calculus? I agreed with her in that class and called him a phony. Anyways, he failed her, her mom found out and was planning to kick her out her senior year. “I just can’t deal with her anymore, she criticizes me for questioning the curriculum, while she gets drugged and assaulted by old guys on the daily.” She stated when she saw me look down. “I hate this school, I hate the teachers, but you, Hannah, you’re like the only one I care about. And that’s why I’m doing this with you.” My smile softened, still a bit worried.

Her hand let go as she took the spray can out of her purse, clutching it until her hands turned slightly cherry. She signed an A, meant to look like a star. I put a heart with an H inside, as she bumped me with her hips, laughing. She tossed the can aside, running and dragging me by the wrist, chuckling. Until we felt the cold hands of security upon us.

The office was cold as the principal eyed us down with an unrelenting stare. Like many teens, we had a reason that they never believed, which prevented us from ever opening up again. Aurora couldn’t ask for a welfare check, because her mother would lie to the workers and neglect her even more. She yelled at that bitch. Holding my hand as she tried to tell him just how much he sucked, her subtle pink lips glowing in the afternoon light.

For once, I was glad that he had an office with a window. Thank god. Sunlight looked so good on her. But at the end of the day, he had made his decision, she was suspended for vandalism, while I just got a warning. The principal’s wide nose only amplified the humor in his pig-like face.

We left together, sighing as we stomped out, her eyeliner running as she held my arm. The frigid air punched us as we stepped outside, sitting on a bench nestled in the outskirts of a cafe. Everything but our hearts were cold that day, eyes averted. I got her a coffee as she shuddered in fear. Her deadbeat mother would be pissed, “I-I’m not scared of her, I promise.” She sobbed into my embrace, as I held her like it was the last time. “It’ll be okay, I’m sure. We can get jobs.” I replied, I hoped I was true, but I was mostly wrong, again. “What jobs can I get? Fast food? Hooters? Drug dealing? Oh, maybe I can follow my mother and become a wreck.” She laughed, frustrated.

One of those choices, however, cut off her life short. I wish I had discouraged her, or at least changed her way of thinking.

-> Previous Chapter

-> Next Chapter

[panchams]

long time, no see

happy 2024! the website layout on here has changed so dramatically that i can barely recognize it. i hate to admit that it took me a couple of minutes to find my followers...

anyways, hey! it's been a while. i jumped ship off of here... god... who knows how long that was? i genuinely feel like it was a permanent move circa 2015. but that's not what im here to talk about.

after the loss of twitter circles, i've struggled finding a place to put my thoughts. don't worry, this blog definitely won't be it but i thought it would be fun to put a little reflection on here as my final post (probably forever?) on this funny blogging website that i decided to use back in 2009 (I'm pretty sure my archives go that far back.... which is certainly something i cherish to see how much I've changed)

so many of you either have known me as eddie, edward, mukuro, bajime, hajime..... lord knows this list goes on. im eddie! or if you want to use my online user, i go by haunter now. a lot has changed since i stopped using this platform regularly! i think i hard quit tumblr maybe around 2016? you can see on my profile that i came back and reblogged some things, but i think it was around the time of my twitter bot's birth (@nintendoqt) when i really stopped using it permanently.

i'm writing this as a reflection of where i've been and where i came from when i first started using this funny website. im officially a couple of months away from graduating college with a bachelors in computer science! that means I'll be a real deal certified software engineer this coming may.

but don't you worry! i got some real time experience as a software engineer last year, right before my senior year began. i worked as a software engineer for the military/government! yeah, that's right... tumblr user Panchams was a military scientist (intern, but it counts). crazy right? and in just a couple of months i'll be hitting the biggest milestone of my life so far which is college graduation.

back when i began this blog, it was towards the end of 2009 and my myspace girlfriend at the time karina recommended i join because the community from our beloved myspace was jumping ship. i jumped in and well, the rest is history.

2009 eddie was a fidgity, undiagnosed autistic relentless kid. it's kind of crazy looking back on that era because i'm so proud of kid me going out of my way to socialize by going to conventions at every possible event he could go to. i would even wear cosplay and force myself out of my comfort zone to talk and take pictures with complete strangers.

to summarize my academic journey to save some space here, i really sucked at math. my math classes were so horrible, i actually got placed senior year in high school in the lowest math possible for seniors (something like college math help course or something, while the other kids were doing calc 1 or 2). but look at me now, baby! i went from pre-algebra all the way to calculus 2 in college, as well as discrete mathematics (possibly the hardest math class anyone outside of a math degree could ever take). i passed them all! it wasn't easy. i failed calculus 1 on my first try. my community college professor even told our entire class in a very vague way that we should commit suicide via bullet if we didn't pass it cuz we would never pass if we couldn't pass his class lol.

caught myself yapping there for a second. anyways, i really just wanted to say that i was a fidgety autistic child with such huge dreams and wonders. you can see throughout my entire blog's lifecycle that i've felt a special connection to characters like pokemon's red, sasuke from naruto, mukuro from katekyo, cloud from final fantasy 7 et etc.... you get it!

i think my life could've easily been one of complacency and laziness. after all, i am the only one in my immediate family to have attended college or even be in STEM whatsoever. my father was a horse trainer and my mom did random odd jobs/cleaning jobs as a kid. i could've easily been stuck forever in poverty and never aspired to do anything with my life. outlets like tumblr, gaia, twitter, youtube, the list goes on but these shaped me in ways that i am beyond thankful for.

as well as pokemon and the other games i mentioned, they gave me a lifeline. those characters i hooked onto as a kid which basically shaped how my personality is... i genuinely wouldn't have it any other way.

what is blud yapping about!!!! i end this weird ramble yapping session to update where my life is and where im headed. I've mentioned graduation (LETS FUCKING GOOO!) but i am beyond excited to be a big boy software engineer (no intern in the title!)

i'm pining for the bay area after graduation. i know, i sound like a lunatic going straight to san francisco as a new grad but.... you only live once! how cliche right, a new software dev moving to san francisco... the story writes itself.

don't worry, i have backup plans! if i can't make enough I'll be sure to live amongst the cows in arkansas (maybe oregon?! who knows.) big things are coming into my life, an entire chapter of my life finishing (the college years? academy saga?) and i'm just happy that i kept pushing. i'm glad i kept trucking on and will have some form of a tangible life that i will create with my own two hands.

happy new years! i don't think anyone will read this but... thank you! thanks tumblr for everything. maybe one day I'll go through and read my #priv or whatever i used to signify as my private posts here eventually. that day won't be today, but maybe when im in my SF apartment?!

have a great year, a great life, and so on. i don't think I'll ever update this blog again. thanks for everything and much love from me!

linktr.ee/haunterz