#but my first drafts always rough so i dont post them right away

[elliscousland]

twirling my hair thinking abt the threads tht i have in my drafts tht have taken months to get to

[laddieseddiemunster]

The Lost Boys x Reader Who Has A Pet

Sorry that I haven’t been posting very much. I have two posts that are sitting in my drafts and they’re probably going to take some time to make. One is an ask and the other is an idea I came up with. By the way the anon who gave me a request about a 13/14 year old reader that the boys accidentally turn, I’m sorry that your request is taking so long. If you’re reading this then I will get your request out soon.

David

david doesn’t hate animals. no matter how much they hate him. it really just depends on the animal though. david likes animals mainly for protection. not so much for loveable purposes. that’s kind of the reason why he’s not too fond of marko’s piegons. how are those feather friends going to be able to protect them if hunters come after them. that’s right. they won’t.

you had kept your little secret from david for a while. it was until he offered you to move into the cave with him when you realized you were going to have to tell him about your secret. when you told him about your pet he wasn’t too upset about it. he was more upset about the fact that you didn’t tell him before. depending on what the pet would be, this is how it would go:

if it’s a dog that’s big or a puppy that will eventually become big then david has no problem with it at all. they could use a hound for protection anyway. of course, he wouldn’t change the dog without your permission, but he might have to anyway. since animals can sense a vampire as danger, your dog doesn’t really like david. so if you don’t let him change the puppy into a hellhound then it’ll just hate him. david would probably end up changing the dog anyway, since he doesn’t want a good protector dog to hate him.

if it’s a small dog then it’ll go differently. david doesn’t hate it. he just wishes it was a bit bigger. how is this little thing going to protect you? it’s just there for playing and cuddles. and david plays, but he doesn’t cuddle. (unless the other guys aren’t around). eventually, he’ll warm up to the little guy. especially when he sees that it makes you happy.

cats are a completely different story. david isn’t a cat person. it’s not because the cat can’t protect him. he just doesn’t really like cats. he’s definitely the type of person/vampire that’s never had a cat but says they’re mean little creatures. it’ll definitely be something he’ll have to get used to. the only thing he doesn’t mind about having a cat is there is a possibility the cat could kill some of marko’s pigeons. david won’t tell marko this, but sometimes those birds get on his nerves.

pets that live in a cage (birds, hamsters, rabbits, ferrets, etc.) he really has no problem with. if it’s a hamster or something similar, he’ll occasionally let it out of the cage since it can’t really do much damage. for some reason david likes watching it roam around for a little while before putting it back in its cage. if it’s a bird then david won’t complain, but it’s just another feather creature to add to marko’s collection. same goes with a fish. it can’t get out of the tank and bother him, so he has no problem.

if you have some sort of reptile (snake, lizard, turtle, etc.) it really goes in the same category as a pet in a cage. it can’t get out and mess with his things so he doesn’t mind. if you have a snake then david will be pretty impressed. most people hate snakes yet you have one as a pet! he’d always hold it in his arms while it slithers to feel the scales. your snake will end up being his pet too. he just cant get over how cool it looks, and that you aren’t afraid of it.

Dwayne

dwayne considers himself an animal person. size doesn’t matter to him. big or small they all deserve to be loved. he hates the fact that they can’t really have pets since most animals hate them. he doesn’t remember the last time a dog even got close to him without barking. dwayne is a fan of any animal with fur. he loves to pet them and cuddle them even though he hasn’t gotten that opportunity in decades.

you kept your pet a secret from him mainly because you didn’t know how he was going to react. you’ve never seen him interact with an animal, so you just assumed he didn’t like them. when dwayne found out about your pet he was quick to let you know that he had no problem with animals. then he had to explain the whole animals dont like him story to you. depending on your pet these would be his different reactions:

if it’s a big dog then he has no problem at all. he grew up with a dog so he already knows how to take care of it. since the dog probably won’t like him he’ll want to change it to a hellhound, but if you don’t want to then he’ll just try to win over it’s trust. once dwayne has the dogs trust he’ll treat it as if it was his own dog. he’ll take it on walks at night with you, and totally spoil it with toys. since the dog is big and can protect you it gives him one less thing to worry about. if your dog ever saves you from something, dwayne will treat it like it’s the best dog in the world.

small dogs basically fall in the same category as big dogs to dwayne. they’re just smaller. he likes small dogs because they’re easier to carry and cuddle with. dwayne won’t admit it, but he loves to cuddle with a furry friend. if it falls asleep on his lap or chest he will not move. he will wait for it to wake up. another reason why dwayne likes small dogs is its a good playmate for laddie. the boy is small and so is the dog, so it works out for both of them.

surprisingly, dwayne has no problem with cats. he thinks that the whole dogs are for boys and cats are for girls is bogus. they weren’t made for a specific gender, so who cares what other people think. he’s aware that cats are a bit more difficult to gain trust of unlike dogs, but he’s a pretty patient guy. if the cat doesn’t like him at first, then he’ll wait for the right time. dwayne admires how close you are to your cat. one time he saw you and your cat asleep together while cuddling, and he couldn’t think of a more adorable sight.

if it’s an animal that lives in a cage (birds, hamsters, rabbits, ferrets, etc.) he’s pretty interested about it. dwayne has never had an animal like that other than marko’s piegons, but even then he doesn’t really know how to take care of them. he’s eager to learn though. if it’s a bird then he’ll try to gain its trust. he’s always wanted to hold a bird on his finger. if it’s a fish then he’ll buy food for it, but he’ll be a little disappointed since he can’t really hold it.

pet reptiles (snakes, lizards, turtles, etc.) are on a different road for him. he’s not afraid of them, but he’s just more on the cautious side. the last thing dwayne would want is for your snake to bite you or hurt you in some way. even though the snake isn’t venomous, that still doesn’t stop his worrying. he also doesn’t want the snake to scare laddie. he’d feel terrible if the snake got loose and scared the poor kid. other than that lizards and turtles are fine.

Paul

paul likes animals, but he also likes to bug them. so when he was human, animals didn’t really like him, and obviously they hate him as a vampire. after a while he missed the affection that he received from animals even if they didn’t like him. at least they went near him. now they don’t at all.

when you told paul that you had a pet he was pretty eager to meet it. he also wondered why you kept it a secret in the first place. you told him it was because you didn’t know if he liked animals or not. he explained to you that he did like animals, and that he wanted to meet yours as soon as possible. paul does have a preference towards animals, so this is how it’d go depending on what pet you have:

if it’s a big dog or a puppy that’ll become a big dog, paul will want to gain its trust as soon as possible. he doesn’t want the dog that you love so much to want to tear him apart. he’ll start by giving it loads of treats and bones from people they kill. you’ll have to tell him to take it down a notch because you don’t want your dog to gain a lot of weight. paul would want to change your dog into a hellhound mainly because no matter how much he tries the dog still doesn’t like him and he’s getting impatient. if you let him then he’ll turn your dog right away, and they’ll become best friends.

small dogs are a little bit different for paul. they’re so little and all he wants to do is get on it’s nerves. after bugging your small dog he starts to realize that the dog has more reasons to hate him now. he won’t ask to change it into a hellhound because a small dog won’t really be much protection. so the only way to win over the dogs trust is for paul to use some mind tricks, and that’s exactly what he does. paul does learn the hard way that you can’t be too rough with a smaller dog. he gets a little disappointed when he can’t play fight with it.

if you have a cat then paul will actually want to get to know it. he’s never had a cat and he wants to know why everyone says they’re annoying. when he finds out that cats aren’t annoying and they’re just moody he’s kind of relieved. at least he knows that the cat isn’t staying away from him because he’s a vampire. paul had to be patient with the cat and that’s one thing he’s not. if that cat doesn’t start liking him after some time he’ll get disappointed and give up. you’ll have to help him get on your cats good side.

if it’s an animal that lives in a cage (birds, hamsters, rabbits, ferrets, etc.) with paul half the time it won’t be in the cage. he can’t help but want to take it out of its cage and let it walk around. if it’s a bird he can’t exactly do that unless it’s wings are cut. he can’t exactly play fight with any of these pets, so he’ll just help you take care of them. if you have a ferret then paul will sneak it into star and laddie’s room to scare them. after a while it won’t work because they realize it’s just a ferret and not a rat.

if you have a reptile (snakes, lizards, turtles, etc.) he’ll be pretty surprised and a little nervous. paul won’t admit it but the thought of living with a pet snake isn’t something he wants to do. of course he won’t tell you that because he doesn’t want to seem like a chicken. if you have a lizard or a turtle he doesn’t mind, but a snake...yeah he’s not a fan. he doesn’t understand how you can just live with something that could kill you. even if the snake has no venom that doesn’t stop paul from staying away from it.

Marko

marko has made it pretty clear that he has no problem with animals. he’s already befriended all of the pigeons that live in the cave. no matter how much david and the other boys complain about the bird poop everywhere, marko still somehow has them. he even has names for all of them and he can tell them apart. they’re now his family and he will be upset if one of them goes missing or dies.

when you tell marko that you have a pet he’s really excited to meet it. marko pretty much likes all animals, so he doesn’t really care if your pet is cute or not. all pets deserve love. marko has introduced you to his pets, so now it’s his turn to meet yours. depending on the pet this is how it’d go:

if you have a big dog then marko will treat it as if it was his own. the only dog he could really get to know is thorn, and even max’s dog doesn’t like him too much. even if the dog doesn’t like him sooner or later it will. marko has a way with animals. even though he’s a vampire he somehow gets any animal to like him. it could be mind tricks, or it’s just a gift he has. to your surprise your dog didn’t just like marko, it loved him. it was like it happened overnight. all of a sudden your dog was following marko everywhere, and laying its head in marko’s lap when he was sitting on the couch.

small dogs in marko’s eyes are no different from big dogs. except they’re smaller and easier to hold. he knows that he can’t be too rough with a small dog, so he’ll start by trying to hold it and if that doesn’t work then he’ll give it some treats. of course, the dog usually accepts marko’s trust pretty easily since every animal loves him. marko is pretty good at knowing whether your dog is sick or needs something. somehow marko just knows the look on the animals face when it needs to be taken care of.

you have a cat? well, now you might not. when you first told marko that you had a cat he was excited at first, but then he realized something. he has birds, and you have a cat. marko likes your cat, but it cannot visit the cave. he will not risk the idea of the cat eating one of his pigeons. if you do move into the cave along with the cat, things will be a bit hectic. marko will be constantly checking his piegons to see if one is missing, and if one is then he’s going straight to your cat to see if it’s eaten one. if your cat did eat one of his piegons then say adios to your cat. marko will not let it live there.

if you have a pet that lives in a cage (birds, hamsters, rabbits, ferrets, etc.) marko is eager to learn how to take care of it. if it’s a bird then he obviously already knows exactly how to take care of it. he’ll attempt to have your bird get to know his piegons, but they probably won’t like each other since they’re different birds. if you have a hamster or rabbit then marko will never let it out of the cage. the last thing he would want is for you to loose your pet in the cave, and most likely never see it again.

if you have a reptile (snakes, lizards, turtles, etc.) for a pet then marko would be super surprised. especially if it’s a snake. he’s not afraid of it. he’s just surprised that you aren’t. marko would hold it in his arms and scare star and laddie with it. if he manages to scare one of the guys then he’ll tease them about it until they die. a lizard pretty much goes the same way. marko loves to hold it and feel the roughness of its skin. he can’t exactly scare anyone with the turtle, so he’ll just help you take care of it.

[thetriggeredhappy]

yo whats good @engiespyweek this is a day late but like dont worry abt it

day 2: hurt / comfort

(warnings for injury, specifically from burns. takes place around Robots Time)

-

Back before the robots, they were expected to work regular hours. Normal days. Practically a nine-to-five, plus a couple of hours most days, but never too long after sundown—and unless they had a mission off-base, they’d get weekends off. It was the most organized war any of them had ever been a part of, to be honest. And it was taxing, sure, the pain and bloodshed, but at least according to Scout it still beat working in food service.

And it wasn’t even all that scary half the time—before the robots, the team was invincible in most senses of the word. It would take some extremely particular situations to kill them, situations they were rarely anywhere near. A doctor on staff, bars in town and a full liquor cabinet on base, a pay grade that few of them even dreamed of, it was a good place to be in their lives. They considered themselves lucky, most days.

But that was before the robots.

The sun was setting over wherever the hell they were. They were going on their second day here, which was usually about how long they spent in one place before they had to move again, following some fickle change of the wind to intercept the next few waves of automatons.

They were exhausted. They didn’t have breaks, truth be told, and only sometimes got to sleep—mostly on the drive to their next destination, sometimes woken up during the night by the distant metallic clanging that functioned as the trumpets of war. Modern era, and all.

Medic was truly running on his last legs. He half operated his infirmary out of the back of one of the trucks they used to transport their equipment, not seeing reason to bother unpacking most days. Soldier was in a tizzy himself, constantly checking and rechecking their supplies, inventory being the only job left out of the multitude he’d had on base before and therefore being one he did near-constantly, and his consensus seemed to be that they were running low on... well, everything. Raiding abandoned warehouses for ammunition and guns just wasn’t cutting it anymore. They’d started to send some of the mercs out hunting for scrap metal when they had the time, and the Engineer was left to work practically around the clock trying to feed it to dispensers and restock to have at least enough to be prepared for battle, and Heavy tended to take over when he absolutely needed to sleep.

But then there were the mercenaries who didn’t have much to do but sit and stew. Sniper mostly took to perching alone somewhere he could watch for the distant dust clouds kicked up by the tanks. Scout ran laps around the perimeter of wherever they were posted up, and on a couple of occasions the two of them were the only warning the team got before the robots showed up. Pyro fretted, for the most part, would sweep by the busy members of the team with something to eat and a supportive pat on the arm. But even then, it was obvious the rest were going stir-crazy. Wanted to help, to take some of the weight back, to help share the load if they could.

This was about the only way Spy could help.

Engineer was having trouble keeping his eyes open, but the fatigue fought against his need to eat the tin full of... something. Meat, some kind of sauce. Spy had cooked it, since they apparently had a stove squirreled away somewhere in this particular warehouse, rations, and the team needed something ‘real’ to eat by his measure. The Engineer managed to keep awake, keep shoveling food into his mouth. Distantly, he understood that it tasted very good, and it overcame the nausea he’d been increasingly plagued with ever since all of this started.

The food was one comfort. The warm weight of Spy leaned against his back was another, the man leaned against him as he ate. Outside there was a particularly vibrant sunset happening, that was a third one, the way the light poured through the window briefly driving away a sort of bone-deep paranoia about darkness. About fear. Apparently that was one reason his father always tried to work with the big garage door of the shop open—being in the sun from time to time was important for all types of health. Or, as Spy put it, he needed to get out of his terrible little machinery lair from time to time or else one day the team would find he’d begun transforming into some sort of mole man.

It made him laugh. He missed laughing, he realized.

Once he had some food in his system, some calm, some time to sit in a position other than bent over a drafting table—and, hell, maybe the sun helped too—he started feeling remarkably more like a human being, started relaxing in increments. Started noticing little things. Dust mites lingering in the last light up above their heads. Distant talking, the distinctive laugh of Demo, Soldier barking something in reply. The sound of Spy taking a pull from his cigarette, quiet enough that he’d only really hear it this close. Quiet motion, like fiddling almost, which struck him as odd. Spy wasn’t much for fiddling and fidgeting. Broad, sweeping, dramatic gestures, those he did every time he got a good excuse—but not fidgeting. It was enough to draw his head up from where it was hanging, casting eyes back over his shoulder.

Spy wasn’t looking at him, apparently focused. “What’re you up to, there?” he asked, suddenly made aware of how rough his throat was. Probably from the near-constant full-volume shouting followed by stretches of silence he got up to these days.

“Simple first aid,” Spy said entirely too casually. So casually, in fact, that it took the Engineer a few seconds to realize what he’d even said.

“What?” he asked, turning more fully to look at Spy, at which point he blanched.

Spy had shed his jacket and rolled his sleeves up neatly a short way past his elbows and taken off his gloves and watch, and appeared to be almost done cleaning up and bandaging his left arm, having not started yet on the right one. All up and down his visible skin, and in particular across his palms and wrist, there were a series of mild to severe burns, speckles of dark red and black patching up his forearms, and the Engineer could immediately identify them as being electrical burns, not heat ones.

“How the hell did that happen?” he asked, deeply startled.

A huff of a laugh from Spy. “Mon ami, I go onto the battlefield and am expected to attack mechanical men with a metal blade,” he said, a note of amusement in his voice. “Electrocution is par for the course, I’m afraid.”

“You really oughta... find some way around that,” the Engineer said carefully. “Rubber hilt, or...”

“Most often I can only even tell I’ve caused enough damage to take down any given robot when the shock happens,” Spy shrugged. “It is not terribly painful, especially compared to gunfire. They simply begin to stack up after a while.”

A careful nod from the Engineer, even if it didn’t quite sit right with him. “Want me to help treat those?” he asked, nodding at where Spy was clearly having a bit of difficulty with bandaging his wrist one-handed.

“Our medical supplies are being too regularly depleted even besides superfluous healing of minor injuries, and as much as I would appreciate a moment sat beside one of your dispensers, I’m afraid it would not be very much in the spirit of teamwork to accept your offer, Laborer. If the remainder of our dreary little group is not allowed to accost the dispenser unnecessarily, neither am I, oui?” Spy asked, tone light.

That was one thing he’d started to learn about Spy, especially as of late. Lying and stealing were things he was well acquainted with, but never for something he considered important. To get on other people’s nerves, to get information maybe, but not something important on a whim. Getting on everyone’s nerves was a different beast than intentionally sabotaging them.

“Well,” the Engineer said, still not quite feeling right about it all. “If not that, I can at least lend a hand with wrapping those up. I know a thing or two about getting shocked. Ain’t a fun predicament to be in.”

Only a moment’s hesitation before Spy shrugged, turning to face him, and the Engineer picked up the salve and bandaging and set to work.

This was more his element. Practical problems. Practical solutions. None of the overarching dread, the waiting for the next disaster, the not quite knowing what to do with himself in the miliseconds before the next chore, the next job, the next drive. Just wrapping a wound. Just fixing a problem.

Distantly, there was the sound of something clattering, Demo cheering. The sun was now out of view, and he heard the sound of lights buzzing to life across the area. The light was getting low, and cold was starting to settle into place, more than welcome after yet another sweltering desert day. The smell of hot metal and sweat faded with each breeze that passed through, leaving only the smell of chilly night air, fresh and welcome. By the time it got dim enough to start making him squint to see properly, and he started to wonder whether he should just push through or get a light from somewhere, he realized he was done.

But instead of a twitchiness, an itch to find something else, the urge to keep moving and to find the next thing he needed to work on, he just felt satisfied. Clean bandages, neat wrappings. A vast improvement over before. And when he looked up to see how Spy felt about it all, the man was smiling, just a little, just enough to see even in how dim the room was.

“...What’s the smirk about?” he asked, feeling a bit embarrassed, as if he was missing something.

“Nothing,” Spy said easily, “I suppose I’m just glad you seem to be feeling better.”

A pause, during which the Engineer realized Spy was right. The tension was gone, the ache in his head was fading into a simple weight, and the nausea had settled into nothingness, leaving him relaxed, steady. He blinked.

“Apologies if I’ve overstepped my boundaries,” Spy said after a few moments of that stunned silence, searching his face. “It’s just that for the last several weeks you’ve been stomping around with the third most sour expression I’ve ever seen on you, and it seemed as though nobody else was going to bother stepping in any time soon. I thought that perhaps food and fresh air and polite company may remedy things somewhat, and you seemed determined to only interact with us when you deem it productive.”

“You burned yourself just to get me to sit in one place for a while?” he asked, taken aback.

“Oh, no, non, these burns are truly fairly standard by now,” Spy waved off easily, carefully pulling back on his gloves and watch over the bandages, “I simply prefer to tend to them on my own, the majority of the time. Non, simply a convenient excuse to need your help.”

A pause. “Of all the ridiculous things,” he marveled, blinking at Spy.

In the darkness, he could only barely make out the way Spy’s mouth ticked up into a smirk, watching as he rolled his sleeves back down neatly and reached for his suit jacket. “Well, believe it or not, Laborer, I have been known to stoop to such lows as doing what you call ‘ridiculous things’,” he said, doing his jacket up in an easy motion in the same moment that he rose to his feet, “when I find them to be the only way I can possibly break through to ridiculous men.”

He only had time to sputter over the comment for a second before a gloved hand found his chin, tilting his head up just enough for Spy to lay a kiss soundly to either cheek, and only had time to sputter over that for a second before Spy was snickering and cloaking, a puff of smoke in his wake as he disappeared into the increasing night.

His face felt hot, and he felt that restless energy again, but for an entirely different reason than before, because he wasn’t positive, but he was fairly sure cheek kissing was the sort of thing you greeted someone with when you only meant it in a friendly sort of way, and his brain was far too scrambled to remember it properly just then.

Well. Now he had something to think about besides the robots, at least. Damn shame it couldn’t be a nice, neat, practical problem, but despite his best efforts, he really couldn’t find it in him to mind.

Oh, damn it all.

[stiltonbasket]

Twelve Moons and a Fortnight wrap-up Q & A!

(brief note that this post does contain spoilers, so don’t click past the cut unless you’ve finished reading!)

__

1. Hi Stilton! I love you and TMAAF! The way you write the letters really feels organic and like people writing letters to other people in a time where communication wasn't instantaneous and thats a pet peeve I have with some fics that treat letters like text. I don't know if you've been asked this but what's your inspiration for the letters? Did you just make them up as they are? Did you look at old letters and studied the tone? @iwillbetrash4eva

I made the letters up as they are, but it was essential for me to keep in mind that the characters are all highly educated, and that Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, and Nie Huaisang in particular are very accomplished in the arts. Letters written by someone who composes music and poetry in their spare time aren’t going to be the same as emails and text messages written for the sake of raw information transfer, so I made sure to incorporate that into the letters; they’re written on pretty paper, usually in the sender’s best calligraphy, and it takes time to sit down and write them, so there’s an aspect of aesthetic reflection there that we rarely notice in modern communication.

I also felt that the characters would include snapshots of their lives and feelings while writing; this was more important with Wei Wuxian, since he throws himself so deeply into his daily life, but I also had to remember how important the past is to all of the characters and how enmeshed it is with their relevant current events. Ultimately, each letter serves as an extra look into the characters’ state of mind, which is something the narrative might not give us. 

2. What was your favorite scene in TMAAF, and which OC was the most fun to write? @keela1221

My favorite scene was Wei Wuxian’s departure from Lotus Pier in chapter 46, especially the part when everyone chased after him! I planned it several months in advance (sometime last summer, I think?) so finally getting to write it felt amazing.

Surprisingly, my favorite original characters to write (besides the main additions of Xiao-Yu, Yu Zhenhong, and Li Shuai) were the Jiang juniors. They love their Wei-zongzhu so much ;~;

3. What made you think of writing this fic? And would you consider a special epilogue because I don't think 50 chapters were nearly enough for me.❤ @avezevin

I think I just wanted to speculate about what cultivation politics might have been like after Jin Guangyao died, and TMAAF was born! And I most likely will be posting an epilogue, since I realized that the Zhenqing wedding works best as a coda instead of as a fic of its own.

4. what's your research process for tmaaf? the worldbuilding is so detailed!!

I read posts on tradition and culture and use them as sources if the chance ever comes along. A significant portion of the lore was entirely made up, but @light8828 helped me with some of the language, and offered so much guidance on cultivation worldbuilding <3

5. I really like the way you write the dynamic between Wei ying and lan zhan with their kids in all your stories. Xiao-Yu is a very lovable character and his relationship with his parents is something I go back to read many times. What do you use as inspiration when writing his, or any of his siblings, relationship with their parents?

Real life, I guess. Some of my older friends have recently had children, and they’re very good parents. :3

6. Where will you be going with the series? I need to prepare myself for heartbreak if the end is approaching, (its ok if you dont know tho! Idk is an optimistic answer, its just that you seem to have many things plotting away in that brain of yours)

Up next, I’m going to finish all the fics in the series that are still in progress, and then I’m going to write Lan Xichen’s fic, maybe a fic from Wen Qing’s point of view, a fic focusing on a reincarnated Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, and a fic from Jin Yun’s POV focusing on his relationship with LXC and the latter’s death and ascension. This doesn’t count all the fluffy wangxian oneshots still bubbling on the back burner, so I expect this series to keep me busy well into 2022. *sweats*

7. TMAAF Q&A: when did you decide you were bringing wen qing back? what led you to making her return a result of the soul-summoning array, rather than having her have survived by some other method? @mischief7manager

I decided that Wen Qing would be returning sometime between chapters 12 and 15, since that was when I knew I wanted her to be the one to cure Wei Wuxian. And as much as I liked the idea of Wen Qing surviving, I didn’t want her to be imprisoned for the 16-year interim; it was important that she appear in TMAAF as she was before her death rather than having over a decade of character development off-screen. But she wasn’t a fierce corpse that could just be put to sleep for all that time, hence the soul-summoning.

8. For the Q&A: Stilton, how did you come up with such an adorable perfect little child like Xiao-Yu?? You write him so well it really does seem like it’s a child talking!! @whereisyourcahier​

He’s partly based on a real baby I know. :P It might sound impossible, but he’s even cuter than Xiao-Yu is.

9. Thank you for doing this Q&A! Was Xiao Yu always part of the story? (Ilhim so much!!)

He was! I always wanted Wangxian to experience parenthood together, so Xiao-Yu’s entry was planned long before he actually appeared in the fic.

10. how did you deal with any writers block that came up?

By reading comments!! I have all of you to thank for that <3<3!!!!!!

11. What was the process for plotting each arc of tmaaf? & when did you decide on what the storyline was going to be? Did you know when you started or did you incorporate stuff as you wrote?

I hashed out the whole plot at once sometime last May, and that was when I laid down the rough storyline. The overall plot was finalized by the time chapter 18 went up, though I did add further details as I went along. In particular, the mini-arc of Wei Wuxian investigating the Yangshuo plague was mostly written on the fly.

12. how long have you been planning the wen qing lang xiyan reveal? has it been something set in stone from the start?

I’ve been planning it since last April, though the exact circumstances weren’t clear until around August or September. Originally, Jiang Cheng was going to ask “Lang Xiyan” to marry him after her mourning period was over, only for her to reveal herself as Wen Qing before accepting, but I soon realized that this wouldn’t fit either of their characters. Wen Ning recognizing her was the only way the reveal made sense (both emotionally and logically) so I had to find a reason to bring him to Yunmeng at exactly the right time.

13. I just want to ask two little things (well three). Where we will be able to read the wedding of baby Zizhen and A-Qing? Will there be Chengqing? And with the last question, if it's yes, will you write a one shot, drabble or something like that?? 🥺🥺🥺

I’m going to post a 51st chapter to TMAAF with the Zhenqing wedding as an epilogue, and Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing are married by then! Wen Qing will most likely be getting a fic of her own, focusing on the time between her revival and her engagement to Jiang Cheng.

14. I just finished reading your fic and let me tell you it's one of the best I have ever had the pleasure to read :) For someone who wants to start writing, how did you start the story? Did you wrote everything with a little scheme or you just leave your brain to work in the document?

I wasn’t planning to write fic for MDZS/CQL at all, and then I randomly ended up outlining, drafting, and posting the first chapter of TMAAF within the span of around two hours. When starting a story, I think it works best for me to just let my brain work in the document without worrying too much about how it might turn out--outlines and schemes tend to come later, after I’ve gotten a feel for how the characters act and laid down some dead-basic worldbuilding.

If you’re just starting out, make sure you’re having fun and that everything you write is as self-indulgent as possible! Enjoying the process is the most important thing, worrying about all the specifics can come later. <3

[bravescribbles]

Trouble in Paradise Pt. 2 Power couple pt. 5

Here comes the angst! Dont say I didnt warn you...!! I also made a post before this one about some spotify playlist I made about the pairings in this ship except for Dickinette and Brucinette just cause I don’t have a particular feel for their music amongst my collecetion. But if you want to ask questions or make any suggestions about music choices, please let me know and I will be more than happy to discuss about them. Now here comes the angst 

There was a shooting in Paris at an event that Sabine and Tom were catering at while at the same time Scarecrow attacked the post office where Mari was receiving a care package from her parents.  Marinette was infected with fear toxin that made her hallucinate that her parents died in front of her while having Damian appear and kill her whilst saying that he never loved her and the arranged marriage was a bluff for his affair with Lila Rossi

 While real-time in Paris they were shot at close-range point blank with a muzzled gun in the midst of the shooter rampage. Batman and associates arrived then gave her the antidote for the toxin but in the hospital where she is recovering she sees the news about Paris. 

"Among the fallen were award winning bakers Tom and Sabine Dupain-Cheng owners of Tom and Sabine Bakery which had multiple store locations though their original was here in the heart of Paris on Ducal St., they are survived by their only daughter Marinette Dupain-Cheng- Al-Ghul who is also more commonly known as the fashion mogul MDC This Paris News 7 with the latest update, back to you Paul in New York."

Mari after that loses it completely, she had to be restrained and held in a psychiatric ward for a bit just for the safety of herself and others around her. She had to be placed in a medically induced coma just to let her body heal properly. Damien, on the other hand, is about to destroy anything in his warpath, first his wife was attacked by the Scarecrow and was made to be seen Ra's only knows what terrors. Him not knowing that he, himself was part of the terror that scarred his wife. Second his beloved aunt and uncle was murdered. Though he has his suspicions that it may have been an enemy of the League who killed them. *T’was not*

 Hell was about to rise and no one was safe from his wrath. Once Damian gets to Gotham hospital, the doctors inform him about his wife being in the psych ward and her mental instability. Added punch to the gut she's pregnant. Only about 6 weeks but with everything that has been happening and her body being generally small the safest thing is consider an abortion and try later. Damian does not take the news well. 

There may have been mistreatment of medical equipment added to the bill along with threats of harassment against the doctors...

He finds his disregarded family waiting outside her room and snarls in disgust because how dare they try to show sympathy for his wife in order to gain his trust. Bruce, Dick and Tim are the ones outside of the hospital room with Babs and Cass coming from the cafeteria with coffee in their hands. 

“You have no business being here, this is an Al Ghul matter, which makes it a matter of the League.Not that is should concern any of you, leave now ibn kalb*” dismissed Damain despite protest from everyone. 

He walks into her room and sees all the machines hooked up to his queen, who looks like shes been to hell and more, he grabs her hand tightly and leaves a kiss on her forehead, whispers to Mari’s abdomen

" hello amira*, i am your alab*, your mother is asleep right now, you have to help me wake her so we can be a family together." 

Shes in a coma for about 2 weeks. There’s constant news coverage about her condition from the scarecrow attack along outpouring support from celebrities, actors, and average clients along with her Paris friends. Neither Sabine or Tom have any other siblings or family that collect their body. Gina has unforgettably passed away 3 years ago due to age, and decaying mental health. 

Damain doesn't leave her side the whole time, he’s there during visiting hours every single day, he’s relentless about his search for Scarecrow in order to enact revenge for harming his wife and unborn child. He has lost a portion of his muscle mass due to not working out and lack of nutrition, he also has a growing 5 o’clock shadow growing due to lack of hygiene. 

Though at night, Damian calls a truce with his father to take down the scarecrow, though on the other side of the world he has a secret op group that is hunting down the shooter that killed Sabine and Tom. They were not successful in that mission. 

When Marinette wakes up though, she wakes up in the middle of the night, precisely when Damian and batfam take down the Scarecrow. Though all the boys have to physically hold Damain back from not taking of Scarecrow’s head right off. So she freaks out again though this time due to her scarecrow vision’s making it actually seem Damian ran off with Lila. When Damian finally gets to the hospital, he has to calm her down without mentioning anything about the baby to not further stress her out. 

“Oh beloved I was so scared when I woke up, nobody was there and I thought you had left me alone”

“No my queen, I was taking revenge in honor of you, I’m ashamed that the disgrace of a father denied me my trophy but be rest assured that the enemy is contained.” 

ibn kalb-Son of dog, amira- princess, alab-father) These are the rough translations, i did some research about son of dog, appearantly is an insult, though i can always be mislead, the other translations are from google so in case they are  wrong let me know and I will adjust. 

So this Pt. 2 of troubles in Paradise but by no means is that the end of it. We still have to see about the baby though and who shot Tom and Sabine, what is their motive? Let me know what you think! (I swear I thought I posted this yesterday but my dumbutt forgot to change save draft to post now.... oops

Taglist

@lenamau @fandomfan @vixen-uchiha @vanillacoffee-bean @the-fusionist, @naimena @maribat-2k20girl23 @myazael  @winter-gardenflower @zestyzealot @moonlightstar64 @crazylittlemunchkin @dreamkitty25, @certainmuffinbagelcalzone @alexzandria-747, @damianette-is-life 

[peterpumpkinparker]

Shatter Me- Peter Parker x Starks Daughter! Reader

After the death of your father by the hands of Thanos, you are more than determined to risk everything to get the life you had before the Snap

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Hey lovelies! I’m so sorry it’s been so long since a story-I’ve just been so busy and hecktic with life! But hopefully I’ll be able to post more with summer vacation ☺️

Genre: Angst

Warning: mild cussing, some mentions of depression (not much, just some actions/ symptoms describe depression)

AU: Infinity War (but instead of Peter dying, Stark does)

Word Count: 2300

Also-sorry if this has wierd spacing, the mobile app of Tumblr is NOT enjoyable to use when trying to post a fic

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“Almost got it,” you mumbled, your mind completely overtaken on the task at hand. Your hands were sore and raw from working with the rough metal, the wires scratching your fingers, but you didn't cared.You didn’t care that you hadn’t eaten since yesterday. You didn’t care that you hadn’t talked to your friends, or your boyfriend Peter, in a month. You didn't care that you felt empty inside. That you had no life after what happened. That almost everything you loved was gone. Just getting it all back was what mattered to you.

You worked tirelessly in your dad’s old workshop, the Iron Man suits and parts laid around like he had last left it. It was yours now- well, until you got him back. All of them back.

The metal arm you were working on was almost complete, the exoskeleton reflecting your tired face. The dark circles around your eyes made you turn away, hating the world for giving you this momentous pain that you had to fix. The remaining Avengers had told you countless times that if you ever needed help, that they were there for you, that if you needed anything all you had to do was give them a call and they would show up. But what you really needed was your father-nobody could give you that except the monster that took it away from you.

And you knew they wouldn't help you with your plan try to defeat Thanos- you knew it was suicide to go on your own to defeat him- but you had to to at least try.

You continued to tinker on, not noticing the worried boy in the doorway. Peter stared at your arched back, your exhausted face, and wondered how he was going to even talk to you. Even though you and Peter were dating, you haven't called or seen him in weeks, and he just thought that maybe you were dealing with stuff beyond his control. Everyone mourns differently, he was dealing with it himself, but- he didnt realize it was this bad when Cap called him in. Now as he looked at you, he felt like he was staring at stranger; the snarky, smiling girl he once knew was seemingly lost in the ocean of grief she was quietly drowning in.

He knocked on the glass door, leaning on his shoulder to make it seem he was relaxed, but the clench in his jaw said otherwise.

Your head shot up, annoyance first riddled in you- but instantly disappearing once you realized Peter was the one that broke your concentration.

You brushed your hair out of the way, realizing you haven't washed it in a while.

“Hey,” you greeted aloud, your voice crackling a little from not using it in a while.

“Hey,” Peter repeated back. An awkward silence filled the room as you fumbled to tie up your hair in a quick bun. “Mind if I sit?” he asked, wondering how long you had been in here.

You shrugged your shoulders, and tried avoiding his gaze by inspecting a little bolt next to you.

Peter pulled up a chair next to you. “How are you holding up?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

You shrugged again. Saying too much would make him scared- too little would do the same thing. “Not amazing,” you sighed, “but nobody really is after what happened.”

Peter stared down at his hands. “That's true.”

Another awkward pause filled the air. You hated this. All of this. Everything was going great before- you and Peter had just started dating, and you guys had the best relationship ever. Stark was completely fine with it, even though he acted like he was super protective, you being his daughter. You guys were inseparable, always together, always able to tell each other anything and everything. Now, you couldn't even look at each other without feeling awkward, without feeling like you were back to Square 1. Everything just seemed so backward and messed up now, it was hard to wrap your head around fixing it. But you had to.

You turned away from Peter, putting in the last few bits and pieces into the metal arm. It was a crude weapon, built off of one of the unfinished inventions of your dad’s.

Peter began to look around the room, the awkwardness making him worry more. You used to be so bubbly and full of life, but now you had drawn into yourself, a shell of who you were. Peter didn't know how to bring you back out.

He looked around the workshop, noticing the disarray. There were objects everywhere, broken parts scattered on the floor, a makeshift bed in the corner, notes and paper strewn on different tables. He passed a desk, noticing the writing on the paper as yours. He picked it up, glancing up to see if you were watching. You were so intent in your thoughts, you didn't even notice Peter’s body leaving your side. He tentatively looked back at paper and at the words, the gibberious making him confused- all it talked about was about some weapon and the parts it needed. He turned the page, watching again to see if you were paying attention to him sneaking in your belongings before he looked. Once Peter finally looked down, he felt his heart sink- you had drafted up a replica of an Iron Man suit, with notes on the side for space travel. He looked at the notes in confusion, wondering why you would be go into space, until it hit him- your quiet moodiness, your concentration for building, your absence in any type of life outside you dad’s workshop. He realized you wanted revenge on your dad’s death.

He looked around, his heart beating frantically. Being Stark’s daughter, you were incredibly smart, so he didn't put it past you to make an Iron Man Suit, no less finish it in a month. He set down the paper as if it were a bomb about to ignite, and turned around, trying to see if you had finished the suit and left it somewhere. He had to see it for himself-he couldn’t believe that you would risk yourself so dangerously like this.

He began to walk again, looking for anything that resembled your drawing, until he came upon a tall object draped over with a brown tarp in a dimly light part of the workshop.

You looked up, the sound of Peter’s footsteps beginning to echo, which made your nerves tingle in annoyance. You loved Peter, you truly did, but right now, he was ruining valuable progress and wasting precious time. You watched him walk around the lab. You hoped that he didn’t realize what you were planning, and you lied to yourself that he didn’t. But deep down, you knew your deep connection with him was still there-he figured it all out before you even said a word.

You kept watching him, sadness turning into horror as you helplessly sat and watched as he raised a corner of the tarp-the tarp that hide your massive plan-and began to yell at him to stop. Instead, he ripped it off to reveal what you had been working on- a crude version of a Iron Man suit.

“Holy crap,” Peter breathed out in shock, his eyes wide as he looked at your guilty face.

He looked between you and the suit. “Did you…?” he asked hesitantly, pointing at it.

“I didn't exactly build it,” you said, answering his question sheeplessly. “They’re pieces of my Dad’s suits that he never really finished. I just pieced them together to make,” you raised your hand at your creation, “this.” Your hand came down, slapping your outer thigh,the sound ringing in the silence as Peter gawked and you sat back wearily,waiting for his reaction.

He swallowed, looking back at your creation. “So does it really work like an Iron Man suit?” He didn't want to ask you straight out your plans, because he didn't want you getting angry at him for snooping in your things. But leading you to saying it sounded a little better than being blunt at that moment.

“I dont know for sure,” you explained, your hands shaking, “but it should. I've learned enough from my dad just watching him make his suits. It took me forever though, and it's definitely not like his suits- its not as sturdy, but it should be okay if the power source is not tampered with. If thats broken,” you laughed sarcastically, “all hell breaks loose in it.”

“How do you know that?” he asked curiously, his arms folding in front of them stiffly.

“Well,” you smiled a little, “ I tried to readjust the router through the chest on time- thats were it at- and I got shot across the room like a rag doll.”

You two laughed, it being a little forced, but the air felt so strange that any type of dry humor was appreciated. You guys felt like total strangers, yet you knew each other’s secrets- Peter being a superhero, you at the moment, building a massively technological machine under cover for the past month.

But after the little bit of light heartedness it went back to tension and awkwardness.

Peter stuffed his hands into his pockets. “This is really- intuitive- and amazing y/n,” he smiled with concern, “but why?”

You sighed, dreading the question you knew he would ask. You looked down into your lap, rubbing the red mark on your thigh.

“My father died Peter. And almost everyone he knew, and I knew, are gone.Nobody has tried to do anything. Everyone's giving up. And nobody wants to try to fix this mess except me. So this is how I'm going to fix it”

Peter listened to you, scared at what you said. He was hoping that maybe this was a joke, that you werent really planning to go out and get revenge, but you were. Peter stared at you, trying to read your emotions. He had never seen you like this- so low yet so determined at the same time- and he was worried for you. terrified.

“What are you planning y/n?” he asked, his brown eyes boring into yours.

You looked back at your work table. “Nothing, Peter.”

‘Its doesnt look like nothing, though.”

“It's nothing.” you said with force, frustration spilling out.

“If you don't tell me y/n, Im going to tell the Avengers.”

“Like they care!” you spat angrily at him. “Like they ever cared! Ive been down here for God knows how long, trying to get back the life I had, trying to fix everything, and they havent done jack shit”

You knew everything you were saying was false and wrong. Natasha had been the one bringing you food and made you the make shift bed you sleep and eat in. Steve came to ask if you needed to talk every Friday without fail. Rhodey gave you the news that your father died, and gave Peoper and you his mask-and hugged you as you cried from the shock of losing your father. They did care and they were trying-it just felt good to yell at something, anything. You were angry that you didn’t have your father, and you were impatient for everything to be back as it was.

You shook your head, anger raditating off your body.

“Absolutely nothing! they haven't figured out a damn plan either. And if they had, they haven't let me in the loop.”

“Y/n their going to fix this,” Peter tried to reason.

“No. I'm going to fix this.”

Peter stared at you in disbelief, not really knowing you anymore. You were never this lost in your own head. He understood you were going through a lot of pain, but going after Thanos was usicide.

Peter stared at the contraption, contemplating what to do.

“Nobody has thought of a new plan,” you continued, “it's time for a change. Im sick of waking up every morning, and realizing everyone is gone. Im sick of waking up and feeling guilty- Like I couldve done something.”

“ I shouldve done something.” you said, almost saying it to yourself.

Peter felt empathy swarming his body. How could he tell you he felt the same way?

“But, y/n- you couldn't have done anything that day. None of us could- we all tried our best.”

“Really?” you countered angrily. “I did shit- I literally stayed home and watch my dad fly onto that weird spaceship. I watched you leave. Did I leave? No. You know why?

Tears began to brim in your eyes, your lids binking rapidly to hold them back.

“You know why?” you repeated, your tone getting smaller as your voice cracked, “because I was scared. You breathed out heavily, letting that new realization hit you like a ton of bricks. You didn’t want to admit this to yourself, but it was true to you. The day Thanos and his warriors came, you stayed back. The one time your dad yelled at you to stay back, you listened. You never listened to your dad-you always were the first to fly in and help save the day. But the one time your dad truly needed you, the one time the whole universe needed help, you didn’t do that. Seeing those aliens and that ships freaked you out- you were terrified you’d actually lose your life that time. And because of that, you didn’t die-but your dad was gone. You worked tirelessly every day to keep that evil secret away from your mind because it was too hard to come face to face with-now you had to work to fix that fatal mistake.

“I was scared because I had no idea what to do. I wanted to help, but I was too selfish about my own safety. I could have grabbed one of my Dads suits. I couldve flew up there with you guys. I could've helped. But I didn't.”

You looked up shaking your head, your lips pursed as you tred to will your body to hold back the tears.

Peter walked to you, his arms open and welcoming, but his expression full of pain. Every day he felt the same pain- that he could’ve done something more to save everyone he loved. It was the worst pain he ever felt in his life- it ate his insides, anytime it was quiet, anytime he allowed himself to relax; that guilt and sorrow and hate for his actions at that time ate his insides until he felt like screaming. Some days were better than others, and he'd been learning to cope with it. But he just never realized you were dealing with the same thing. And so much of it.

You looked at Peter, your lips quivering as a single tear spilled onto your cheeks. You looked down at your hands, terrified that talking more to Peter would make you break down. You had broken down so much in the last month that you thought that one more would destroy you.

Peter knelt down, eye level to you, sweeping the hair out of your face that was curtaining off your tear stained cheeks.

“Its okay, y/n,” peter said softly, “Youre okay.”

You looked up, your eyes full of pain. You shook your head, chuckling sarcastically as your smile quivered.

“Im not,” you whispered out of your throat, your voice tight with the effort of keeping yourself together. To not cry. To not show that life was really messing you up right now.

Peter wrapped his arms around you, the purity of the embrace and the warmth of his body making your shoulders shudder harder, your hiccups louder, your heart hurt more and less at the same time as you wrapped your arms around him. The waves of tears wracked your body,one after aother, the pain making you hurt. You grabbed the back of his shirt, the fabric balled up into your fist as you let all your emotions leave your body.

‘Its okay y/n,” Peter whispered, his voice low and soothing, “eveyrthing’s going to be okay. I know you wont believe me right now, but- youre going to be okay.”

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Requests open! If you’d like, Check the blurb list and send me a # and I’ll do your request as soon as possible!

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Taggings:

@accioparker @fratboievans @grandmascottlang @gayuwuenergy @flying-roomba @galaxy-parker @hollandroos @honeymoonparker @hazsterfield @itsholyholland @jupiterparker @naturallytom @revengingbarnes @starksparker @underoosstark @uglypastels @underoos-shield @petersshirts

If you want to tagged, please msg me! I’m happy to tag you in all future fics!

@just4muggles

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Happy a great night (or day) lovelies! I’ll see you in the next fic ❤️

[juupajaa]

hey!! I saw your post abt being open to giving advice and I was wondering if you have any tips on getting back into the school mindset™️. mostly just about overcoming procrastination? also ily and hope things are going great for you bby 💕💗💓💞

❤Hey things are going great thanks!! Ok let's do this!! ❤

So first things first, you gotta take care of yourself before you can get anything done. Pay attention to your sleep schedule and make sure you sleep enough and feel good about waking up. Also, eat something ffs. Drink something. You're not getting anything done while tired, hungry and dehydrated.

Getting back into School Mode is hard, but little things like buying a new cool pen or notebook can really give you a boost. Also, doing your homework will make you more comfortable at school and give you a massive boost in your confidence. The thing is... I hate homework.

Doing homework can be fecking tedious at times but u know what I did? I gave my sister a video call and we talked until I had done my homework. If you've friends or siblings or whoever you can call, it can really make it easier to get through homework if someone's doing it with you and I noticed I learned better when I did homework with my sister. Once you start doing homework, you'll feel better about going to class bc you come prepared and you're doing better than the slackers at the back of the class.

Speaking of that, if you can choose where you sit in the classroom try the front seat. I mean it, just try it. I used to sit in the back for the longest time until one day I realized that I can't hear anything anymore so I moved to the front and u know what? Legit, the best seat in the house. The teachers don't give a damn about the front row, they're always keeping an eye on what's going on in the back. Also, you can hear and focus a lot better if you sit up front bc all the noisy people are behind you and the teacher right in front of you. Also, if you know an answer to a question your teacher asks, fecking answer it. Raise your hand the feck up and tell it like it is.

Sometimes it gets really crowded in school life and you have like a billion exams, essays, assignments, presentations and homework to do. When that happens the easiest way to not freak out and give up is to make a to do list. Make it for a whole week if you have to. Write down every task in the order that they have to be returned/done. Do the most urgent things first and don't stress too much about them. Then do the easy things and lastly take on the ones that you might need emotional support for and don't be afraid to ask for it if you can't get through them on your own. Take breaks, don't try to get everything done in one day and for the love of god remember to compliment and reward yourself when you get to scratch one task off of your list.

Now let's talk about assignments!

When you get an assignment, the first step is to write down the due date. If you use your phone's calendar, mark down thw date and if you're very bad at checking your calendar, put down another alarm for week prior to your due date, so you remember that you have to actually do something.

Second step is to write down the instructions. Whatever assignment you've given, write the instructions down on paper, maybe your notebook. You don't have to know what you're doing yet, just make sure you know the instructions right away so it's not all brand new when you eventually start working on the assignment.

Ok so now you've slacked off for a few weeks and your alarm goes off. Oh feck u have the assignment due in a week. Well at least you had a heads up. You don't feel like doing it yet bc you've still a week left. How about you do the smallest thing imaginable? Open your laptop and open that new file. No need to even name it yet, just leave it open and go watch TV or something. Before you go to bed, check that empty file again and if you have any ideas as to what you should write on it, just spam them on there. Eye through the instructions again if they're not very fresh in your memory. Write the main topic on the file too, so it's always there. I recently had an essay to write and the topic had several questions that needed answers, so I wrote them all on the file and gave a rough short answer to all of them and that was pretty much my rough first draft. Ok now go to bed, but save the file first.

The next day you might not feel like doing anything but keep the file open just in case. At some point you will start to feel like you really need to write that shit down, and thankfully, your file is still right there, you dont even have to open it. Do the best you can. It doesn't have to be perfect and you don't have to give your arm for this stupid fecking assignment, but you have to finish it.

This was a long ass answer but hopefully it was worth it! Remember, school is not worth a burnout, no matter how much it tries to be 😎😎😎 Health always comes first.

[kosmicdream]

Your Comic Baby

You know that comic or story that you made when you were a teenager (or sometimes even younger) that propelled you to really WANT to create it. FOR REAL. You put all your energy towards it, for years, determined that it was going to be the one you HAD to make. But then something doesnt go right because, comics are hard-- so you start over and over and over and each reboot gets a bit more discouraging because you have SO MUCH planned out for this thing and you’re just stuck in the loop of redoing the first 5 pages every couple of years. But something about that story, you just cant let go of. You still want to make it happen because you’ve invested and dedicated so much into it. I know that feeling. I call those stories.. your Comic Baby.

You might have a lot of babies. I know I do. But there’s always this one certain comic baby that i struggle with more than the others. Its a difficult baby because I first made this baby when I was 13. And over the course of my highschool years, I was very outspoken about how i was going to really make this a real book for everyone to read. I was constantly working on it, even taking sketchbooks and clipboards to draw it or the characters in class. People were waiting to read this story because they could see how passionate about it I was. But comics were a lot harder than I thought they would be in my mind. I mean, i knew they would be difficult but it was like my art wasn’t as good as I knew it could be when i drew comics. I didn’t get it. And I’d learn so much and so fast that once i got one chapter finished and ready to read, i didn’t like it anymore.

This process went on until i graduated highschool. This dream of making a comic. Specifically THIS comic. I had a lot of stories i was planning on doing, but there was this one comic i really REALLY invested just. My maximum comic energy into. It was different from the other comics and stories. Not that the other ones werent good, they just didnt have the same bond with me that I had with this story. This comic baby was gonna be the thing i was going to be known for and be the first comic i would presented into the world. And in the end.. it actually wasn’t.

I mean, it was, in a way. Eggshells is a prequel to that baby comic. Set in the same universe. Part of the same story, more like a mini test version reboot of the One True Baby Comic. I decided to give the comics thing another try and started to work on eggshells in August 2011, then to ink in Febuary 2012 and finally started to post it in 2013.. sometime.

I took a really long break from comics between finishing highschool and starting eggshells. I would try here and there, but not getting this baby comic out when i was still IN highschool somehow made me feel like a failure of an artist. I was very hard on myself. I didn’t really know if i was even capable of BEING a comic artist because my comics weren’t coming out how i wanted and I couldn’t finish anything. Besides that, I didn’t even know if I could even make them as a career. (I still don’t know if I can but I know I’m going to continue to try.)

When I decided to start Eggshells, i decided that it would be another attempt at my favorite baby comic because I knew that if any of my stories had the emotional legs to motivate me to get through to the final page-- it would be that one. That special baby comic. I poured so much work into planning and preparing everything in a very tradition sense. Scripts, thumbnails, drawing layouts and props and character turn arounds.. ect ect.

Then the fire happened and I lost my ‘comic bible’ of sorts. The rough draft sketches of the entire thing. It was very sad.

But even before then, actually inking pages was not very fun. Because the process i made for it was .. not very fun. I was running into the same walls that I always had when rendering comic panels. It just was too slow and I couldn’t get a consistent look that i wanted. I wasn’t sure where to put detail (or balance the detail) so I would over render constantly. I would zoom in too much. I didn’t know how much to shade and word bubbles annoyed me. I wasn’t very satisfied and I would spend way too much time on each page.

I felt pretty exhausted after trying to ink it for one year and not even getting through the first chapter. Doubt and old dread of not being capable of a comic artist weighed on my shoulders. Of course then, when the fire happened, i just decided to put all that aside again. My life kinda was.. thrown in a loop.

Similarly, my life has been thrown in another one of those loops. A different kind but still, the same sort of disoriented “where the fuck should i live” kind of things. Some of these feelings have come back, the anxieties and unsureness but.. mostly just remembering about them rather than feeling the SAME things. I have acquired a sense of accomplishment in my art .. just with a totally different comic that came out of no-where. (the worm one, you know.)

My relationship with my art has changed so much at this point and I’m so.. not.. what i had predicted for myself?? Not in a negative way. its just odd. FFAK is such a different comic than i thought I would make too. I would describe the experience of working on FFAK as like, im in a shitty junkyard car and ive decided to slam on the gas as hard as i can and see how far it’ll go. Then it just didn’t stop. It took me on a fucking journey but at 90 miles per hour. No careful consideration, so much explicit violence and sex, aggressive confrontations and social commentary. Sex hat jokes. I really got to see a side of myself that this story continues to bring out. And as I worked on ffak more and more, I would sometimes look over at the passenger seat at the Comic Baby. Crossing their arms judgmentally at me and giving me a look like “Having fun? What about ME? Wasn’t I the important one to you?? Am I not special anymore???”

So sometimes i’d feel bad. And try to work on that one again.. but it didn’t make me feel good. I felt like i had to ride the FFAK wave because that was what was happening in the present and I was discovering too much about myself to go back to this older thing that i had a frustrating history with. It wasn’t that I didn’t LOVE the other story, it just didn’t feel right to work on then. So i just let myself focus on where my energy was wanting to go: The Worm Fucks. And the worm fuck comic is the one people read first. Its the first comic of my own i really got to.. read and experience more than just the first chapter. Its been amazing but its so weird. I feel like its a different kind of artist that makes it sometimes.

I don’t regret the worm fuck comic being the one I’m known for but its still funny to me how easily it might have never happened. If the fire hadn’t taken away so much of my work, I probably would be still slowly pushing out pages for eggshells. Or maybe I would have given up and moved on to do something else with my art career? I don’t know. All i know is what I ended up doing was this weird worm comic that is still going on for .. thousands of pages! and has no end in sight! I didnt even expect eggshells to last 1,000 pages but now I can tell my page-pacing is different than how i expected. I still haven’t even finished a comic yet. Its weird? Am I able to finish comics? I guess I don’t know yet because I haven’t. i might “know” endings to my stories but its very different when actually getting it done. I understand that life is more complicated than that and things like fires can change the circumstances in 10 minutes.

So I’m feeling a fear about this uncertain future I’m facing, I’m seeing that I have to make a lot of huge life changes for where I am going to live and what I have to do to make money to support myself. I’m scared that my routine ive established with FFAK will have to change. I wonder if I’ll never be able to replicate the same exact “throw it all into the wind” energy of working like I was able to.. at least I know I can’t right now, because I need to be careful and calculated again. My surroundings arent stable enough for me to dive headfirst into my projects.

With that I’ve noticed I’m drawing eggshells a little bit and enjoying it like I haven’t before. Is it what I need right now? It feels weirdly comforting to know that, no matter what the history i have with this comic, I’ll come back to it and continue to pick at it a little. it makes me feel like, no matter where I’m going to be in this world physically-- my comics will come along with me and they dont have to leave. they arent a product of circumstance. I can get right back on the horse. Its just part of my life that doesn’t have to go away or be taken away from me. Its a nice secure feeling that there’s this art thing isnt something I have to start over. I’d rather build on what I’ve got and it might take me a long time but I enjoy the journey. That feels good to me.

Anyway, even if I’m scared about where i’ll go from here I know i’ll have my car of screaming comic babies at all different ages that are demanding my attention. and some are more patient than others, i’ve totally ditched some babies along the way that i might pick back up later or merge with other babies through some horrific experiment. I’ll even make some new ones because life inspires me constantly and I have so many problems to sort out and what better way than to project on some cool anime characters. but i love all my comic babies!!!!!! and they love me. i have unique and interesting histories with all of them.

comic baby is such a creepy word but it really feels like they are your strange brain children that are also you. i don’t ever want children of my own, but i can see that i pour.. small small aspects of that i think that energy might be into my comics. (im not pretending its actually the same thing to be perfectly clear.) They take up all your time + energy and make you constantly lose sleep..and they grow distinct personalities that you dont expect and have to deal with.. people will judge you for them and how you “raise” them (make them), you’re endlessly proud of these babies and protective and shed tears for them and want them to SUCCEED and live on forever. you want other people to love them TOO and see the best parts of them, for all their flaws. You want em all to grow up as you hoped or planned but they wont at all. They’ll be totally different but also better than you could have imagined.

Comics & Art are such a special thing to get to experience. While i hope that i can make my dreams a reality with my art, I know that they’ll always be an integral part of my life + how i experience and see life and i’m so thankful ive decided to really let room for it there. Its amazing to me that i almost thought it wouldn’t. and i wasnt going to be allowed to be happy with my art because it wasn’t good enough and i wasn’t enough. but i am. and it is good.

Thank you for reading. -Kosmic

[i-love-marvel3000]

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20, 21-53, 54 ask game

1. Favorite place to write.

On the couch

2. Favorite part of writing.

It helps me be more creative 

3. Least favorite part of writing.

Emotions 

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

not really

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

other fanfic writer I guess? idk 

6. Favorite character you ever created.

never created an original character in a fanfic

7. Favorite author.

don't really have one since I'm not a big fan of reading unless its fanfic 

8. Favorite trope to write.

whats a trope?

9. Least favorite trope to write.

again, whats a trope?

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

@stark-spangledbanner​ and idk but something probably cute and fluffy

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

umm its different every time I write, I mostly tend to start a fanfic by write the beginning then end up bouncing to the end then filling in the middle

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

read peoples comments on my fics 

13. How do you deal with writers block?

listen to music and read other fanfics till inspiration hits

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

lol none, I will make shit up before I research stuff or just ask a friend if I have a question 

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

everywhere, other fanfics, tv, conversations I have, songs

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

my fans/ readers 

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

I tend to either bust out a whole one shot or I drag it through the mood for like a week, there is no in between 

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

re read it to find errors, then have a friend re read it and give me there ideas if I should change anything 

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

Bucky was sitting at home waiting for you to arrive and to see your face when you saw the meal he had made.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

An hour passed and there was still no word from you. Bucky was starting to panic now. He called you, no answer. He called again, no answer. He sighed in frustration and called one more time, no answer again, he left a message, “Doll, I’m really worried about you. I’m coming to see if you’re alright.” Bucky slid his phone in his front pant’s pocket, grabbed one of his jackets and headed out the door in search of you.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

Bucky instantly pushes him away from him, “don’t touch me.”

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

2

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

both, sometimes it needs multiple povs but sometimes it only needs one

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

umm idk, what prose?

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

both, depends on the situation, sometimes you need to throw a flash back in the middle of a story 🤷‍♀️

26. Standalone or series, and why?

standalone, because I tend to lose inspiration when I do series and then never finish them

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 

sometimes, if I need help with something

28. And who do you share them with?

a friend / one of the fams

29. Who do you write for?

self / school / everyone who reads my work 

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

Theres a moment of silence and then Bucky’s eyes widen, “holy shit, y/n am I high?” (from Pot Brownies)

31. Hardest character to write.

so far wanda

32. Easiest character to write.

Bucky

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

yes, always

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

both, mainly typed though

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story ________.

anon didn't specify a story 

36. A spoiler for story _________.

anon didn't specify a story

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

“`writing is just as powerful as reading to boost your vocabulary” (an elementary teacher I had) 

38. Have you shared your outline of your story ________ with someone? If so, what did they think of it?

anon didn't specify a story

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

nope, well not yet, I haven't done any Sebastian Stan fics yet, just Bucky

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

fanfics

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

right now I only have 2 going, but normally about 3 or 4

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

its fanfic so its based of the characters, sometimes for clothing I just look up the person then find a pic I like and describe the clothes in the pic

43. Are you an avid reader?

not really

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

I dont really get feedback but when people are like omg that was so amazing can you tag me

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

again I dont really get feedback so none

46. What would your story _______ look like as a tv show or movie?

anon didn't specify a story

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

plot

48. Favorite genre to write in.

don’t really have a favorite, cause when I say ima make this story blah blah blah (like fluffy or angsty) its ends up going the whole opposite way

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

definitely the middle

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

probably Satan’s Poop 

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story _______ in 5 sentences or words.

anon didn't specify a story

52. How did writing change you?

it hasn't really changed me, probably just made me more creative 

53. What does writing mean to you?

writing is one of my ways to cope with emotions 

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Never quite writing, even if you don’t think people want to read your stuff, because there will always be at least someone who wants to read your creations and those creations can inspire someone as well 

[mercenarypark]

“ hotaliens said: WHEN U CAN talk about medic and his birds, red scout and blu scout mayhaps, ANDdddddddddddddddd what the mercs do on the weekend “ hey guys remember how i said i was gonna talk about hcs well let me finally get around to that hours late here we go

[Medic and Birds]

[these go for RED and BLU medic]

-Medic’s mother had a cockatoo, she absolutely ADORED him even when he was a baby, though ofc his mother made sure to monitor their interactions together; and even as an infant he always treated that bird with surprising gentleness, never pulling or prodding hard. that cockatoo never bit him harder than a warning nip, and she would somehow always know how to calm him down from a tantrum.

the bird died of illness right around the time the war started, and to this day he believes that somehow, those were connected. 

-medic stole his flock of doves[technically homing pigeons] from a wedding in England, not realizing that the catering van he’d stolen had an entire flock of birds and a makeshift aviary inside. the method with which he retrained them is,,,,,,, unconventional and spoiler-y for some things i have written but not published

-he holds full conversations with birds, often- not just his own, but birds in the trees, on the street, in pet stores and houses.

-the flock is mostly his homing pigeons from his stolen wedding flock, and their children; with a couple of fancy pigeons stolen from pigeon shows[because lord knows the poor things need some help, esp the ones who’ve been bred to fit a certain standard at the cost of their health and ability to function], and a few feral street pigeons he’s adopted

-the flock mostly refers to him as “papa”, “Vati” or “Opa”

-he speaks to them in German, Yiddish, and English- they understand all three

-he cries every single time an egg hatches. every time. sadly he cant let EVERY egg that they lay, hatch, because he’d never be able to care for them all, but the flock understands this and lets him remove eggs as he pleases, and in return he gives them all as much love and attention as he can

-medic’s office is his makeshift aviary, though he very rarely keeps them cooped in there- for the majority of the day they have free roam of the base. they all know where home is

-heavy, pyro, and scout all are allowed to play w/ medic’s birds whenever they want, heavy and pyro both have a key to medic’s office so they can get into the aviary without having to ask [scout WOULD have one but she’s notorious for losing keys]

-----

[RED Scout BLU Scout]

-for clarities sake, again, there are a lot of things i[and gabby+em]’ve written but not published that i dont want 2 spoil, and the reason that theres two of every merc is one of them; but i will say that yes, there are two versions of scout who mostly have the same backstory shit, but things differ when theyre hired as mercs

-[also, both scouts use she/her and occasionally they/them]

-both scouts have a long standing hatred for the other, and absolutely target each other on the battlefield

-this is at least a LITTLE BIT because of self loathing, IE “im gonna beat the shit out of the person who looks exactly like me”, though neither of them realize that

-RED scout is the one who comes to terms with the fact that she’s trans first and that just amplifies how much she HAAATES the BLU scout

-but RED scout is also the first of the two to go through character growth and become a genuinely better person, as she slowly comes out to her family and friends, finds support in her teammates, accidentally adopts medic as her unofficial dad, unlearns a lot of internalized bullshit,

-which infuriates BLU scout because suddenly RED scout doesnt seem to really care about fighting her anymore 

-and then BLU scout overhears one of RED mercs refer to RED scout w/ she/her pronouns and has a fucking crisis of confusion [but also validation]

-and after a lot of internal turmoil brought on by the UNBELIEVABLE Mental Fuckery that has got to come with realizing that the alternate version of yourself is openly trans while you’re still confused and closeted,

-BLU scout decides yea u know what. im trans and im not gonna hide it anymore, esp since apparently all the RED versions of my teammates are accepting so like, the BLUs should be too right???

-and they are

-BLU scout and BLU medic aren’t as close as RED scout + RED medic, for multiple reasons, but in both cases the scouts came out to the medics first [because, Hes Doctor] 

-after BLU scout starts going through her own Character Development[tm] and mellows out, both scouts are pretty chilled on the battlefield towards each other, even joking with each other about their teammates, nowhere near as violent and vicious as they were before

-most of the time that they DO fight its more casual and more like rough-housing, with bullets and also spiked baseball bats

-sorry this mostly turned into Gender Stuff hdfjghh but i took that prompt to mean “both scout’s relationships 2 the other” and the answer to that is, well, “fight” ----

[weekend]

[some of these are specific to the RED versions of everyone, sorry, though most are more general]

-demo is usually working one of his other jobs- piano gigs at fancy establishments, art commissions[hes a pretty fantastic painter, he prefers more abstract pieces and he has a very distinct style with a strong sense of movement and fluidity], and some volunteer work at the ol’ kitten orphanage [he’d work at the regular human orphanage next door, but, well. he’s got bad experiences with those. and hes scared of messing up around children]

basically even when hes technically off duty, hes still always working- its the degroot way, whether he likes it or not

but when he can relax, he usually spends as much time as he can with his parrot, keeping her entertained and socialized and happy; he also spends a lot of time in engies workspace watching him build and repair stuff while they drink together, with pyro playing whatever game they’re hyperfocused on at the moment, and, in the old days, he would spend a lot of time sneaking out to be with BLU soldier... Those days are gone in the times of WAR, of course

-engie, of course, is usually still working as well. honestly he doesnt even notice the fact that its the weekend half the time unless someone tells him, he’ll just keep pouring over blueprints and fine tuning designs. 

if you do pry him away from his work table long enough, though, he will crash on the nearest soft surface and sleep for 15 hours. rancho relaxo time motherfucker

-medic becomes a cryptid every goddamn weekend, unless you check one of four places: his bedroom, heavy’s bedroom, his office/aviary, and the morgue. you will not see him literally anywhere else. he is also only seen with at least 5-6 birds on his person at all times, as opposed to his usual 1 or 2.

he spends most of the time on the weekends being v overaffectionate with both his birds and heavy; and the rest of the time cutting open dead bodies in the morgue and injecting them with weird shit

-heavy spends a lot of time reading and writing on the weekends- editing older drafts of books he’s written, translating things to and from English to practice his skills with the language, and just, reading books he’s had recommended to him or old favorites. sometimes he reads out loud to medic while medic is busy with other things [IE he’s distracted by birds or corpses]

-spy? literally just this textpost by gabby.

http://thefrenchiestfrytisi.tumblr.com/post/161502800096/ok-before-i-go-to-sleep-though-this-image-from

 you dont need any more info than that. this is perfect. spy spends like 5 hours in the bath every saturday and 6 every sunday and its always like this

-pyro is the other cryptid at the base, no one can ever find them unless pyro WANTS to be found so they can show off a drawing they did, or a card trick they learned, or just so they can hang out w/ someone for a while

-scout is either playing Video Games[tm] from the moment she wakes up until she passes out, or she is outside jogging for 3 hours straight and then she impulse steals a golf cart, there is no middle ground here -every single saturday, soldier doesnt realize its the weekend, gets completely ready for battle, runs outside, and only sees the other soldier. and they just both fight each other for the next couple hours until someone gets them both to come inside. the rest of the weekend she’s “taming” her raccoons and planning for the next fight

-i dont care about sniper

[ecotone99]

[FN] The Day of Night

little aside here, but hello! this story is one im quite proud of, and was in fact written for my writing fiction class at university. i hope yall like it, but it is a pretty rough draft so to speak; i know it can be fixed up, but i dont know what to change, so thats why i want to share it with yall. thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy!

The Day of Night

O, darkest day, O, Day of Night,

Thine Terrors bring man's nobl’st fight.

The rain will flood lands of no lords,

As legions arm with spears and swords.

O, darkest day, O, fearful night,

What reason have you for this blight?

As children die and soldiers tire,

You watch us suffer in your fire.

O darkest day, day of no light,

Your reign will cease before our might!

O, darkest day, O, Day of Night,

Your death is now! Behold our light!

- Ancient Ipiarian Hymn

“Tonight,” bellowed a cleric, “The Malice will bestow itself upon our humble lands, wreaking havoc in its wake! The day of darkness, the Day of Night, is upon us!” The cleric’s words were heard by all within the capital city of Grendar, as the Ipiarian man’s sun-soaked skin housed a practiced lecturer’s booming voice.

The vendors stood behind their wares with anxiety as the mothers herded their young ones out of the central marketplace. Soldiers hesitated as they climbed the stairs of the central dais to the old, white-robed man. They rest their hands on the swords mounted to their hips, but do not draw. The old cleric ceases his preaching.

“Oh my, I must be going, by the looks of things,” he chuckled.

“Don’t move!” Shouted one of the soldiers, drawing his longsword and pointing it to the old man’s nose. “We can’t just let you go free. This is not the first time you’ve scared the citizens with your… your… your terrible sermons!”

The old man stroked his snowy white beard and mumbled to himself, “Not terrible, per se, but I suppose they can be unpleasant…” He perked up and pointed his finger to the sky as he exclaimed, “I will no longer preach in the square. I apologize for the inconveniences I have caused. When you perish as victims of the cataclysm, beg not for my help!” With that, the old man began laughing hysterically, sending echoing reverberations through every home and alleyway before he snapped his fingers and— Poof! The geezer was gone.

The soldiers sighed and returned to post. It had been a long day, but the sun was now directly above; they were halfway home to their wives’ home cooking and… well, one is familiar with the home life. The day was looking to become much easier, until another Ipiarian man arrived at the square, stood upon the same dais as the cleric had before, and drew a sword from his hip.

The sword was like none the guards had seen; it had been set ablaze! — or rather appeared as such, anyway, as its silver blade shined brilliantly in the hot, golden light of the sun. The gold hilt had been ornately crafted, bearing swirls and small spikes in a beautiful, symmetrical shape further adorned with radiant jewels embedded into the fiery metal.

The man appeared similar to the old preacher who stood previously on the dais: a long, white robe, common leather sandals, a red rope serving as a belt tied around his waist, and the distinctly rich, desert-baked skin of an Ipiari. The man’s face, however, looked like that of a fairy-tale prince, with a firm, sharp jaw and blood red irises in his sky-gazing eyes.

The guards followed suit, looking to the sky above them. Now, where the sun once flew, a dark hole pierced the sky. The sun disappeared as its crown of light transformed into a swirling maelstrom of darkness. The black streaks whipped through the sky, revealing streaks of brilliant colors in the now violet sky. Deep blues and reds stained the heavens; gashes of brilliant yellows and greens cut through the sky above. The man then pointed his blade skyward, and shouted thus:

“O, Malahasi, fateful blade of legend, grant me the power to confront this evil! O, darkest day, day of no light, your reign will cease before our might! O, darkest day! O, Day of Night! Your death is now! Behold our light!”

As the you man’s voice rang in the ears of every man, woman, child, and beast, he gripped his sword with both hands and held it to his face, the blade dissecting his image. He let out a roar that pierced the heavens and the earth before his blade was struck by a blinding flash of purple lightning that hurled itself down from the center of the dark portal in the sky. The man began glowing a with a vibrant light and proceeded to levitate above the city.

“Soldiers! Now is your time! Gather all of your strength, all of your hope, all of your love, and use it to vanquish these armies of shadows as they approach. Defend your world, defend your country, defend your city, defend your family, defend us all!” spoke the flying man. The soldiers were dumbfounded by his command, but quickly obliged when They came.

The sky wept. A furious tempest suddenly arrived in the city, falling from a dark, cloudless sky. From the portal in the sky, quick jolts of black lightning came striking down all around through the city streets, leaving behind tall, slender silhouettes that bore sharp claws. The figures, known simply as “Them,” began running toward anyone they could find quickly tearing them down.

The front line of soldiers had all but become fodder for the armies’ bloodlust. The rivers that rushed through alleyways and down boulevards due to the unfathomable downpour became streaked with crimson as the blood of soldiers and innocents alike fell into the water. Thankfully, the remaining soldiers knew what they were to do. They drew their various arms – swords, spears, axes – as did the civilians –their hoes, rakes, pitchforks and knives. All as one, soldiers and their families began to grapple with the dark armies, with Them.

Our robed hero saw from above; the city had begun fighting back before he flew away into the portal in the sky. Even he, our hero of legend, knew not what lay before him through the unholy gate, but he knew he must pass through.

The hero had never before known a pain so severe as that which he felt passing into Their realm. His limbs were torn off tenfold, despite being visibly attached to his body. His eyes were blinded not by light, but by a maddening darkness that consumed all he could see. A piercing, deafening silence rang through his ears. As he felt these pains, he felt his very soul being torn from his body. Had he met his end? Had he come all this way to fail?

But, as quickly as he experienced this eternity of pain, it disappeared. He was standing on the stone dais in the center of Grendar again, red rain pouring down while bright, black flames consume the landscape around him. They, however, were not to be seen. The townsfolk were nowhere found. All that was before him was a silhouette.

He gazed at the shadowy figure, trying to understand what it was. It on another stone dais, opposite to himself, and held a longsword in its right hand. Clutching his own blade in his own right hand, the hero called out to the figure.

“Who are you? Where are we? What is happening?”

The figure stood silently and opened its eyes, revealing glowing, crimson irises in its eyes as its mouth formed a sly smirk.

The figure spoke with a gravelly tone, “Merle, my boy, you know exactly who I am. You know exactly where we are. You know exactly what is happening.” As these words graced our hero’s ears, the shadow around the figure dispelled and revealed a terrible face.

Merle, our hero, gasped as he realized that he does, in fact, know who this is. It was his father, Gundren, the creator of the Malice in which they stood.

“You knew this day would come, didn’t you, Merle? The time has come for you to make your ultimate decision: will you surrender and die in dignity, knowing you can’t defeat me, or will you fight and die in humility after I smite you for daring to oppose me?”

Merle spoke defiantly to Gundren, “Father, you told me when I was a boy that, when confronted with an ultimatum, I can always forge a third option of my own.” And, with those words, he did.

Merle and Gundren leapt toward each other at impossible speeds, their swords ringing with a loud clang! as the blades meet between their glowing vermillion eyes.

“So, your death will be in vain, I see! What a spectacular son I’ve raised!” growled Gundren as he stepped back and reset his sword.

“No, father, yours will!” Merle lunged toward his father, blade pointed out at Gundren’s heart, when suddenly Gundren raised his sword to parry. Just as their swords are to connect, Merle invokes Malahasi’s magic powers and suddenly appears behind his father, swinging at his father’s exposed rear. Merle, however, is familiar with their weapons’ magical powers and swiftly turns around to block his son’s strike.

“That’s my boy! No matter how futile, you stand to your opposition with bravery! It’s just like when you were a boy,” shouted the deranged Gundren with glee. “To die in vain is impossible, is it not? Futility breeds honor!”

The son continued his attempts to teleport around his father, to swiftly redirect a feigned blow, to overpower his father’s raw strength, but to no avail. Merle found himself on an equal playing field with his father, their strategies always the perfect counter to each other’s. Whenever Merle would attempt to land a blow, regardless of the new fashions to do so he would formulate, his father always seemed to block or dodge in the nick of time, remaining unscathed. However, Merle was able to do the same vis a vis his father’s offense, always deciding the perfect way to avoid taking a hit.

The father and son exchanged swings, dodges, parries, and counters with their blades for a time immeasurable. Their lightning-quick dance of lunges, stabs, swings, back steps, flips, teleportation, and strategy continued for what must have been eons, or perhaps only minutes, before finally coming to a fateful close.

Merle and Gundren found themselves on their respective daises again as they once had when their battle began. The leapt toward each other once again, blades meeting directly in front of their faces as Gundren spoke to his son.

“Merle, when will you give up?” Gundren sighed before he continued, “No matter how honorable, how righteous, how glorious, how heroic your actions may be, they are still futile.”

Merle stepped back and lowered his sword, sulking on the dais he arrived upon. With a heavy sigh, Merle spoke with remorse, “I suppose you are correct. Malice truly is power. Had it not been for my own reservations, had I not refused to give in to my anger, my malice — perhaps then I could have won.” Merle tossed his sword to his father’s dais, landing with the blade pointing directly back at Merle, the handle ready to be clutched by Gundren.

“Son,” Gundren spoke softly, “It is time you join me.” As soon as he finished his sentence, Gundren lunged almost instantly toward his son, the point of his blade near to penetrate between Merle’s eyes. He would kill his son and claim Merle’s power as his own. Gundren would transcend his humanity— he would become a god!

As Gundren’s sword landed on his son’s skin, Merle disappeared. Gundren quickly swung himself around to face his rear, bringing his blade with him to cut down his son. To his surprise, however, his blade cut through only air and Merle’s blade was through his heart before he had time to even notice what happened.

“I’m sorry, father,” Merle whispered into his father’s ear, twisting his sword. “You were so close. Did you really think I would strike unarmed?” Merle chuckled as he asked his father the ridiculous question.

“No, son,” Gundren choked as a tear rolled down his cheek from one of his glowing eyes. “I am sorry. What kind of father am I to attempt my son’s own life in the name of— what, power? Some cosmic good?” Gundren sobbed as he continued, "I am not a god, I am a fool.”

Gundren ripped his son’s blade out his chest before throwing it aside and sitting down calmly on the ground. Before Merle could protest, Gundren smiled and closed his eyes before falling over limp.

The city – no, the entire world – fought back against them in a fierce war for an equally imperceivable amount of time. How long had these soldiers fought? To some, they felt as though the Malice arrive with Them merely moments ago, others must have been fighting for centuries. They were all but extinct, only a few shadows continuing to slaughter the humans with particularly futile determination.

Then, the storm stopped, the sky no longer weeping to forge rivers. The flames extinguished themselves instantly. The vivid colors staining the sky all retreated into the terrible portal high above, the violet hue following as the sky became a gentle blue once more. They fell to the ground and disappeared, leaving no trace of their monstrous form.

Men, women, children, and beast rejoiced as the darkness faded away, as life was restored to its true beauty. Citizens of Grendar whooped and cheered as Merle descended onto the central dais with angelic wings outstretched.

The Ipiarian man disappeared as quickly as he arrived. Nobody knew, nor has anyone known since, where he went. However, while Merle of Ipiar was never seen again, he would be immortalized throughout the ages as a mysterious, legendary hero who fought a foolish god before becoming a god of his own.

Posterity treated Merle’s likeness as nothing but sacred and awesome. Statues of his stature were raised in every temple and city square, novels were written recounting various authors’ own versions of his journey in The Malice, paintings captured the image of Their arrival and the final confrontation between Merle and his father, the once revered cleric and preacher Gundren, who once warned the world of the very evils he would later incite. Merle had unified the world and ended his father’s reign of terror.

O darkest day, day of no light,

Your reign has ceased before our might!

O, darkest day, O, Day of Night,

Your death has come from our light!

- Contemporary Ipiarian Hymn

submitted by /u/dtmijfeu [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2Iyvg74

[innerheadstories]

My First story post and a very very rough draft.

"Why in the hell did we have to take this route" One of the merchants asked as they pushed threw the thick forest path that had becomes so overgrown in recent time the path was nearly gone. So even with the strong hourses they had for travel it was still hard to get threw with there carts.       "Stop ya belly aching" The other merchant grumbled. "Your the one who wasnted to spend all your time drinking and whoring around in the last village and cost us all that extra time. So if we dont take this path we wont be able to reach Isenberg in time for the festivle" He said annoyed.         The other growned as he led the horse threew the trail having to give it a little extra tug as the wheels had a hard time getting over some of the larger tree roots. "YA but isnt this path notrious for badit attacks. " The other man rolled his eyes. "Oh they say that about every forest path its always badits or mosnters or somthing its nothing more than fear and cowrdice" he said as he contued on.       Of course even thought he said that it didnt mean going threw this path didnt put him more on edge. He kept his dagger close at hand and his ears open.  Although thinking about it now. It was qiet errily so. There was no sound of small animals scurring threw the bush and no birds chirping near by or making calls looking for a mate.  He looked around trying to hear anything that signaled any sighn of life.  

        As they got deeper into the woods and the day grew later it got harded to travel thats when finally they herd it. Snapping of twig. Turning quickly towrs the sound the merchant saw giant of a man coming into view. He had a sick grin as he held a large bloody mace in his hand "Well well what have we got here seemes some travlers got lost in our woods mates." He cuckled as more snapping could be heard and men began coming out of the of the foiliage and from the tree branches above one man had a bow drawn with a arrow aimes right at them. "what a pitty." He said       The large man looked at them ."Well we can show you the way out of course....you have to pay the charge for passing threw our territory" The merchants both huddled close to there items. "Please ...please just let us go" He said as he looked around ath the large number of men gathering. "We are only simple merchants we dont have much but we will give you our money to pass." The other merchant looked at him. "What are you saying." the other one turned quickly to glare at him. "Shut up we can make more money cant make any money if we are dead."          The larger leader laughed as he started forward. "Smart man" He grinned ."And if you dont have enogh we will also be taking your wares." He siad. But before he gotwith striking distance a arrow shot down from the tree tops and into the ground in fornt of him. All the badits looked aroound the one with his bow shooting a arrow back in the direction of that the other ahd shot from but all that could be herd was tthe arrow passing threw tree leaves and branches. .  "what the hell was that " The leader of the group growled.        Suddenly a new voice was herd laughing . "My my what greddy little men you are moeny and their wares how bothersome." The voice seemed to come from the woods themselvs. "And what was about your woods." The laugher was deep and harmoic even the voice was smooth and deep and seemed to resenate  "Please no mere mortal could hope to own these woods or any woods." The voice said. "This forest as all forest is home of the elven people and belogns to no one." Finally a man dropped down from the foilage and landed on a tree branch. He had a bow and arrow quiver on his back as he held a staff in his hands. Although it seemed to be a simple wooden staff it had a beautful red wood color to it with a small blue crystal knessled inside the top of it.  His black hair was long and held small braides near the top to keep it somwhat pulled back behind his ears. His ears were pointed and his skin was a deep copper tone and completly umblemised and looks smooth as silk. His green eyes seemed to dance with amuzment and mischef. "Well well what a truly distubing sight." He said with a grin.     The leader of the bandits glared at the elf. "Who the hell are you."        The elf smiled "How rude of me not to introduce myself Galland at your service .....Well not your service" HE smiled "Morley the service of ....well the whole world I would assume I dont imagin anyone will miss you but the world will be better with you gone from it." HE said. THe man laughed "You gonna do us in little man with what that little stick of yours." He chuckled as he grabbed his crouch. "Me cocks bigger than that little thing." He said "But Ill tell ya what come down here and Ill shove that stick right up your arse and let you wobble home." He smiled befor shaking his head. "Nah Think Ill just use me little stick here to rip your guts out  instead." The man glared as he looked at him then singlaed at his bowman "Kill that little fairy and be done with him." No sooner had he spoke than the man kniocked another arrow and fired at him. The elf grinned twisting and his body and snached the arrow from thre air. "Your quiet good with that." He smiled "But Im better" the man growled and quickly knoked another aroow firing at him and in one swift motion the elf had droped down and using his legs swung around hanging upside down from the treelimb he knoked the arrow he had snacked from the air and shot it back at the man The arrow planted in a tree behind him.    The bowman laughed "Cant be that good ya missed" AS he went to knock another arrow thogh he relesed the elf had actully shot the sting of his bow. His eyes wideneed as the elf grinned "Oh did I" He let got and twisted his body landing on the groud ad putting his bow back on his back. "ALright enogh of this get him boys." The leader gorlwed as they all began converging on the elf. He laughed "Oh dear. He quickly grabbed his staff and blocked the first man to get to him twisting it and knicking the mans blade away before using the end to jab him and knicked im to the ground as another man came at his back he shoved the staff back hitting him in the gut as well with ther head before twisiting around and knicking him from his feet. All this before the gang leader moved over raising his mace. "Try and stop this pretty boy" He snalred swinging his mace down with enogh force that it would snap any nomral weapon in half But just before it connected with the stafft it hit someinviable wall and a shokwave blasted out knocking everyone back. The elf spun his staff around with a laugh "What was that about little twig." HE grinned as he swung it in a wide arc and the jewl in the top glowed as the roots and vines began to come out of the ground and twist around the badnits. The men grolwed and all began wilding choping and slashing at the vines and roots that seemed to have taken a mind of their own as they tried to contrict and wrap around them.The badit leader rared ripping the roots away from him as he rushed the elf. "My my you are a strong one. The male said in a cocky tone as the leader swung wildly at him. The elf smiled as he twisted and ducked around the manes wild swings while the leader tried to keep his feet it seemed the more vines and roots he ripped from the ground focing himself onward the more wrapped around him and tried harder to pull him down. The elf smiled "Seems you having trouble there."  The badit leader swung at him one final time and the elf hoped back holding his hands out he flicked his fingers at the man and the vines wrapped around his writs and arms pulling him to the ground. All right eveyrone time to rest for now."  constricting them and  covering there mouths as the forest itself seemed to suck them into nothing ness as they were pulled into the ground.  The badits thrashs and swung there weapoins widley trying to stop themselves from being pulled into the ground screaming and crying out for mercy. Untill only the badit leader was left. HE strugled agest the vines as he grabbed and tryed ripping them away. "G...god damnit im....im not gonna die to some little fucking elf "  The elf lagughed. "Well I would love to see how your gonna stop me." HE told him as he watched him. BEfore the vines finally took him underground and sucked him into the earth like a living burial. He smiled before turing back ot the merchants who were brushing themselves off and getting to their feet. They looked fearfully at the male elf     "P...please sir we dont want no trouble we just be passing threw."            Galland laughed "Please Im not gonna hurt you." He smiled "Wouldnt have made much sense to save you if I ment you harm" He smiled as he moved his staff to his back and walked over to them with his hands behind his head. "If you keep on the path here you should find the village by tomarow morning ....midday if you stop to sleep for the night." He told them. The both smiled before the one in back came forward. "Please sir if there is anything we can do for you just say it." The elf waved his hand dimissivly before thinking ."Actully Im fresh out of wine so if you could spare a bottle of summer wine I would be most thankfull" The mechant laughed "your in luck I got a wonderfull selection of summer wine just for the festivle" He smiled as he went back to his cart and opened the carrage before pulling out a large bottle of red wine. "HEre a wonderfull wine from the east lands."  The elf smiled as he held the bottle up to the light "Ahhh this lookes eccelent" He smiled "My deepest gratidute." He said AS he began to walk away.     "Wait." One of the men called out "Why not travle with us to the festivle I am sure there would be plenty of other summer wines and we would gladly compensate you for guiding us and protecting us from danger"      The elf shook his head. "You shall be fine this lot was the only badit group currently in the area.' HE smiled "I may see you at the festive" He held up wanted posters "But for now I have bounty to collect' He told them with a chuckle. "Thank you for your help by the way saved me the trouble of having to find them. Oh one last thing could you tell the gaurd in town that they need to come collect these gentalmen." He laughed. agin AS he jumped into the trees and was soon gone from sight..        As instruced once the merchants reached town they went directly to the town gaurds to inform them of what had happened and the gaurds only smiled and nodded thanking them for their information.           As a unit of gaurd entered the forest the had hauled along a large empty cage that was used for prsnor traspoert.       "Captain how far into the woods is this elf."    The captain laughed ."I forgot your new to the regiment arent you." The gaurd nodded as the second one laughed. "Galland is one of the best ounty hunters in this part of the world" He told him as the captain nodded ."While normally elfs only creat problems or hold a sens of self importance Galland is a decent enogh ort he hunts for money and enjoys our festivles." He smiled "Never a bad drinking compainon either. The one gaurd rolled his eyes ."Please eveyone knows elefes look down their noses at us and every other race." He said almost annoyed That was untill they herd the soft melody of the violen that seemed to be carried by the wind into the tranquil forst.      The captain smiled "Ahhh we are getting close." The other gaurd rased a eyebrow, "Is he the one playing." the captain nodded as the contued to move.        Sure enogh they soon came to the area the merchants had left hours before. And sitting atop a tree branch was the male elft he had one leg on the branch with him while his other dnageld care free from the brach while he placyed the violen he held in his skilled hands. his eyes where closed and the soft melody of his instument seemed to only make the forest that much more tranquiel. It was only being so close one would notice the sliet movment of his lips. He was ...singing the elven voice travles threw the trees and with the music in such a way it wouldnt be until you saw him singing that you even relised there were words to accompany the melody.       The new gaurd began to move forward as if he were going ot adress the elev before the captain placed a hand on his shoulder. "Dont worry he knows we are here."    ...It was a moment or two before the male finished his song. As he did he opened his eyes though looking down at the men. "Ahhh captain wonderfull to see you as always." He said hopping down from the tree and landing skillfully on his feet in front of the men.            "Good to see you Galland I hear you have a prisnor delvery for us"     Galland smiled "I may do you have a bounty for me" He asked raiseing his eyebrows playfully" The captain chuckled as the other graurd cleared his throat. "Captain we dont have time for this besides I dont even see any bandits around here" The elef smiled looking over the captain at the one who had spoke. "But my lad they are in ground in the trees cant you sense them all around you"      THe gaurd looked at him "What kind of elf nonsens it that we came to collocet prsnors not hear some natrulist proverbs about eveyone being connected." He glared      Galland laughed "My my captain your new man dosnt seem to like me very much" The captain laughed "Well you are more of a aquired taste" The elf looked offdendn playfull "Oh you wound me sir and I thought we were frineds." HE smiled as he clapped his hands out ouf of the trees and from the ground the bandits were reveald all their hands and legs bound with vines "Mabey I should give thses to someone eles then." The captain laughed as the new recutte jumped as one came up almost form directly under him. Motioning to the two the other gaurd patted the new guy on the shoulder and helped him beging loading the badits into the cage while The captain pulled out a small bag of gold coins. "As always you never dissapoint." The elf smile "I live to please" He smile taking the bag and shaking it before putting it in his shirt. "Your a man of your word I dont think I should need to count it." The captain shook his head. "That attidufde will get you killed somday." Galladn grinned "Yes but today is not that day" He smiled as the captain shook his head while he and his men turned the cart around and began heading out  "Allow me to play you off" He smiled as he jumped back into the tree picking up his istument agin and before long the gaurds could hear the melody of the elves playing once agin accompining them on their way out of the deepe woods.

[astraltraveller]

not an end to all the endings.

so i guess the last time i made a post about this, it was late aug ish. early sept maybe. i remember being crushed after. i remember feeling used because rarely does a guy want to have sex with me and not want to date or try someting. especially when the guy seems like a good guy. and i remember so fondly of the hope that surged the night of. when i got that apology msg and actually felt like maybe there was something there. my heart lept. it surged. it was a rushing and hopeful feeling, the feeling I had rarely exdperieneced from my history of being with someone who didn’t nkow hwo to appreciate me or apologize for their mistakes. itw as such a breath of fresh air and deep down inside i had a feeling that he was going to do a 180. i din’t think he would ask me out to date me, but i knew it would be at least asking for a second chance. and a second chance it was. i remember not expecting to go to a nice place at all. i remember walking agood 15 min to a nice, hipster, refreshing, new start place. I wanted to say that iwanted to go back ot that time but i dont know if i really do. I dont know if anything will change.i rmember tryign ot put off the conversation because i knew what was coming and my heart was saying this is it and my head was saying this is too good to be true. And i had just finished being hurt, i didn’t think there would be a second call. I just didn’t want to deal. When it finally poured out what was really up, intnerally i was jumping for joy because it was even better than waking up from a bad dream. It was as if you turned back time and could change it all. Coming out of a bad dream means just that. It doesnèt affect what actually hpapens. Fror me on that day, something actually changed. Iwas happy. I was grateful. I never felt that way before about a guy being so forward with an apology. it felt so nice. it felt so mature. for a while i believed this was something different. it was like a fresh start. I felt hopeful, I felt liked. I felt like someone made a mistake and was trying to get me back. it was like with soumil but … more raw. without such a big long mistake. it was a short pinch, an injection with an old school vaccine. rough and hard but it’s so fast it really barely has time to make a lasting impression. it doesn’t leave longing. it leaves soreness that feels good, that feels like life experience.it was thrilling. i remember it was suhc a heart to heart. i was quite happy in that moment ot hear, even indirectly, that this person had in fact not meant what they said, that they actually would consider dating me, and that they made a grievous mistake, grievous enough to backtrack and fix it right away. to swallow one’s pride.

I did find it strange shortly after that there was some distance. there was chatting, but i recall it as not quite on the same wavelength. they didn’t show up often. it wasn’t reliable. i would later find out that it was a tooth infection, being sick, and being busy.

bad liars always lie.

I believed him though. i believed it because those things happened. i lamented to amit about it. hwo annoyed i was. how at the coffee shop he had suggested going for lunches and then going to drinks. (never dinner, oddly). to which i always said yes. was always thrilled. was on the defense and never offered first because i had jsut been hurt and was cautious. even initiating of messages was liek that. i was playing this weird game wherei would avoid talking last because i noticed he would always type a message after. i woud also rarely initiate, a what’s up, etc. pictures became less frequent.

a side note. i will talk about this more later but i actually spent most of my train ride today pondering why things ahd changed. wondered if is houd say something. not sure waht to say, so i scrollled through all the messages from the beginning. realize that he talked on an almost daily basis. lots of talking points. long messages. lots of pictures. i don’t know where that went. if anything, wouldn’t your interest be piqued and you feel more comfortale sending them later?  iremember when i went to visit mill in canaidan thanksgiving. i remember awaiting messages. i even played the mute game because i ddint want to know. evenutally i got a reply ot a picture i sent pretty promptly but i didnt ralize til a day later. i was internally a little devastated because i remember that during my interview trip, he had messaged a lot, not only to check in on how i was, but also to send pictures. liek the blender bottle. and stuff from the cottage. and i don’t know why i epxected that to happen again. but even by then things had changed. this was after the coffee. i was thinking to myself, what did i do wrong? where is this clarity? i knew deep down my gut instinct to message him and send one of the few tumblr drafts i had just didn’t come off right. it evolved from

I don’t want to be saying this because you don’t owe me an explanation, but I think it should be noted that the way you’ve been treating me has really been

I didn’t want to say this, but I think it needs to be said because it’s just straight up not respectful.

did i say something wrong? I feel you’ve been quite shunning lately and I’d appreciate if you were more straightforward. i feel really confuse and it’s making me a little uncomfortable

did I say something wrong? I feel shunned and it’s confusing

it doesn’t feel straightforward

did i say or do something wrong? based on how conversational you’ve been, I don’t think I need to tell you why I’m asking

did I say or do something wrong?

I was looking relaly intnetly at the messages to see when mine had been seen. i knew something was up when i looked and saw that he was active and just didn’t view it. and then he saw it, almost an hour later. and that was 10 min after i opened to check. my heart sank. i messed up didn’t I? I said that I do’nt like excuses. but it was prefaced by omething he brought up. and i didn’t talk about his exucses lately. but what i really wanted to say was, care to explain? the day after the hotel, you saw i sent snapchats but didn’t open them for hours. finally oepened it to send a message. nice, but short. a couple of smileys. i then sent a text reply. unread for 4 hours but was active on fb. then i sent a video which got seen quickly. then a reply iwthin 10 min. then i knew by then that the shunning was on so i decided not to engage fully. no smileys, short. no furahter conversation.

with each iteration, I projected less and less blame. partially becuase it sounded caustic. partially because i didn’t think itw asrigiht. mainly because he’s leaving to the new office probably by next week. did i want to leave my last imrpession, with no smeblance of possibly hanging out, as an awkward, hanging-in-the-air immaturity, act of pointing fingers, blamingand blaming, the same way as i had done shortly after the coffee confession (when I said i went too easy on him) and after I scalded him for being a flake? was that the impressi on ireally wanted to leave? any possibility of spending time would be nill. and we’d never see each other by necessity.

i didn’t want to take a shower and give it a thoguht. i wanted to press enter and be done with it. i wanted to tell myself that maybe he would message. maybe he would fall asleep arleady and he just wouldnt see it and id have to stare my message in the face knowing that i couldnt change it. becuase he wouldn’t reply ot it right away. iknow this from experience.

but i did. i took a shower and really thought about it. it became, very quickly, “did i say or do something wrong?” because this was short, curt, a genuine question, not salty, not inflammatory, and not incendiary. it was a genuine short question.he would either answer yes or no.

and then it hit me while i thought about it. do i need to send this message? what will i learn from this that i don’t already know? nothing. i already know everything i need to know. i was just trying not to face it. hojin told me. and it makes perfect sense. if you like a girl, you don’t play gamees like that. and you certainly don’t backtrack 100% and go from snapchatting how im doing and dinners and food and leading to naughtier talk and quick responses to how im feeling, to not sending a single picture except a certificate. to taking 8 hours to open a snap. to open. messages. that takes a special kind of potential to use. it’s the kind where all you just want is to get laid. to satsify the curiosity that i probably had sown by sending my vibes. and a freaking snap story wit hthe blue one. i’ll awlays wonder if that woudl have happened if i had just not sent those. would there still be more of that excitement, that ambiguity? did i give it away too early?

I really enjoyed the time in the hotel. i really enjoyed that night. i was really, much like myself when i had the coffee that time. i was so thrilled that he wanted to have dinner with me and offered the whole takeout thing. it was relaly sweet. he was kind. and oh was he horny. i mean we ate for an hour and talked and … and oddly enough, after the sex iteslf it was so… almost relationship like. it was strange. it was … intimate? i remember things that i won’t say in detail, but esentially the fingering at the movies, the asian pr0n, wanting to fuck me since we really started talking,the kissing at the end as if he couldn’t get enough. and me, in a daze… “see you on monday”.

what was i really thinking? i was giddy. i did notice as well, there was no messaging when he got home or i did. not even a simple one. to ask if i had gotten home safe would be silly, i didn’t leave. but was that not his role? wouldn’t it have been strange of me and extra clingy and oxytocin-highed  to ask if he was home safe?

perhaps it would have been. and perhaps i should be glad i didn’t. i was surprsied to see that i didn’t get any messages from him after my lsat. he didn’t owe me any. but i just didn’t expect that. i thought, surely if he was so intent on having dinner, snapchatting so often, messaging, heavliy flirting.. saying that he should have kissed me the time penney gilbert came by… all the while (not drunk)... surely.. a message? a good luck? a “i hope it’s going well”. nothing relatoinship-y. i mean, clearly i didnt need to say that because i was writing a test taht started well early in the moring, which is why i was in the hotel in the first place. and i didn’t finish till 1. at which point i promptly snapped a picture. and i walked with baited breath and worked half-aware, waiting for that vibrate. waiting that maybe there would be some interest in me, in my work, in my day, in hearing from me. but there was none. not till much, much later taht day. so late in fact, that it was 11pm on saturday night and i was pissed enough t odecide not to open it and wait till morning. i was pretty devastated. had it all crumbled so fast? what did i last tell him before i left? “how is this different from last time?” “because if i didnt have to go, i would stay”. oh really? says who?

I was hurt, yea. I didn’t think that i fell off the radar of being important so quickly. it went from me being “slow” replying in 15min, to him taking 5-8 hours while during awake hours and being clearly active elsewhere.

I chalked it up to being busy. I didn’t want to be insecure. but there was something inside of me that was realizing i was being shunned. it hurt. it was so drastic it was so.. fast. it was so soon. it was so ruthless. it was so deliberate. it was so uncalculated. it was done so easily, like it was clearly his only choice. “why would i do anything else?” it’s like the coffee conversation never happened. it was like the no-words version of “what are we?” “i’m not ready to date”. i thought things were different. not that i expected to date, no that i expected any dramatic proposal… but .. never did i think i’d be shunned. it’s like i got whipped around really quickly and was scrambling for the first explanation.

but when you’re in defense and cautious, you don’t think of pragmatic solutions. you think of comfortable solutions. you think back to the first time we went out after i mentioned how this was a shitty situation. we went to duke’s refresher and bar and it was a good time. we talked about everything, but specifically about christmas market. it was really nice. i had a great time. that’s what makes all this so jarring. i know this is the case because i messaged him first for the snapchat on sat, the vid on sun. and then the facebook link about russia being outted from peyonghcnag on tue,then wendesday about meetings on wednesday. it’s clear. i think i was in denial. and it really didn’t truly hit me until about an hour ago. it was when i raelized, that usuually after good sex and a good connection, i like to replay the situation in my head. i only had one chance to do that while still giddy and no semblance of a change was present. and taht was the 4am morning i woke up on the morning of lsat. i couldn’t sleep after and i rmeember lying between those king bed sheets and thinking that i was so lucky and happy. on the bus ride home, i was tired. i was sad. i didn’t get any messages back. they weren’t even opened, which somehow hurt even more. i didn’t masturbate since that night. I just don’t feel it. it doesn’t make me horny. it makes me sad. it makes me horny only when i feel that the enjoyment is reciprocated, that we’re both equally giddy and excited about what went down. i couldn’t do it though. I haven’t been feeling it. because i know that something didn’t sit right. it didnt’ feel like last week, or any week before that. conversations were short, blunt, cut off by other people without returning, and nothing was initiated.

i think this is the beginning of the end.

it make me sad because we went on proper dates. we went to the christmas market, which was a great time. it’s a romantic, couply place. i like looking at it on instagram, other peple posting pictures fromit, becuase it’s so sweet. Ifeel like part of me won’t be able to handle christmas markets the same. it feels like a sham. i felt something, i felt wanted, enjoyed, shown around, in a pretty romantic, couply, festive, really one of a kind environment. ther’s really nothing like it. the crowds suck but i had lots of laughs , like when i took some poor pictures for some people in front of the christmas tree. like when there was a light tunnel with a heart at the end of it that we were awkwardly dodging. like when we had mulled wine, hot choclate, cider. like when we had a nice walk there and back. and while i write this i just cant help but think, did i do something wrong?

the dinner, c’est what. it was nice. good chats and it turned a turn as usual. blew off other skype calls for me. it was nice one on one time. time just flew by. i really liked it. we chatted about everything. like always. i like talking to him. i like his humor. he said he liked me, and he still does. and i gave him a second chance. and i gave in. and we did it. and this is what i get? i really don’t feel like i deserve this. but what  can i say?i don’t have to ask what it means. i know what it means. it’s just that up to an hour ago, i didn’t really want to admit it.

coudl i ahve not been salty about excuses? maybe. but i didnt say that to him. it was pretty benign. maybe he just really didn’t have anything to say. i mean, when he mentoined the coffee thing, i already said that that was really nice of him and i appreciated it. but i think it was a nice way of me mentioning that i know what’s up. he wan’st oblivious. i also could have done a “oh no questions, it was easy :D” and asked what he was up to… but let’s be honest. what did i just go over? i’ve been shunned. was i gonna play dumb and act like none of that ever happened? it bothered me. ti’s been bothering me since i looked at my phone on saturday… and was genuinely surprised. taken aback. didn’t expect that in a milloin years. nothing. and nothing on monday.

sometimes i get twinges of , “ should i have said something?” but i realize the only thing I’d be showing is that I can be petty, that i complain. actions speak louder than words. there is no explanation that would do his choice of actions justice. it’s self-explanatory. it’s not an accident what he chose to do. its clear that i knew what was going on. i was not oblivious. “I don’t like excuses”. in fact, to drive that home, I made the right decision to not say a thing. because im not interested in hearing what excuse there may be. i also don’t really need an explanation for whether or not i said or did something wrong. what would it tell me? maybe it’d tell me if I actually did somthing wrong (and the shunning was really self-inflicted), or if not, it was a change of heart on his end. but me wanting to hear from him was less of trying to get an answer to my question, but rather to get a response. to let him know that i know what’s up. but it’s already evident. I said I don’t like excuses. and really my actions in the next while will say more than i think. I won’t be as smiley, I’ll be friendly but guarded. I get it. he’s just not that into me. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

I’ve been counting in my head, the presence or absence of him, by the days of the week so carefully in the back of my head, every week. especially those since starting in september.

my days became marked by whether or not i saw him. what we talked about. did he come visit? did we chat? not even just if we flirted, but if he dropped by. for how long? were we alone?

i feel like i’m mourning. i’m mourning because there’s a beautiful office down the hall that’s almost done, that’s almost able to be moved into, december 12. that’s next week. he said another thing , that it’d be nice to come and visit. im scared. i’m scared that after that, there’s no reason to catch up, there’s no reason to chat, there’s no reason to check me out or pass by each other, or to get coffee… there’s no reason. different rooms with keys that don’t work. down the hall but yet barred apart. ther’es just no reason. talking ot him now is like pulling teeth. granted, him asking me to drinks and things was done over messaging, but we’re going to become those sort of people… that sort of friendship where you check in once every 2.5 months to ask how life is. and that makes me sad. because that can happen as soon as 5 days from now.

we talked about something on the 11th. his mom’s going to costa rica. that was the plan, to go to his place, to essentially have sex. you know, wiht privacy and stuff. but that requires an invitation. and i was trying to warm up to it by initiating messages. even though he’d try to chat in person… it would quicly become something else. something...clinical. something that woudl be interrupted. my excuse comment would ahve just been maybe, something he just didnt have a response to. wouldnt’ be the same time. but if the week goes as it already has been since last saturday, there will be no meetup next week. which is ok. i am not really sure i want to have sex. im not in the mood as of now. I’m really not dying to. what i want more than anything is a chance to talk without talking about the possibiility of a relatoinship, just to talk about what has been. he did say we could hang out before then, but that was, of course, while he was horny.

and thisis minor, but him playing dumb at me reutrningthings at eaton center was a little jarring. he’s not an idiot. he knows what i was returning. and he acted like he didn’t want to say a single thing about it. or bring it up. it’s like it’s being suppressed already. and i dont get it. you don’t have to love me. i don’t love you. but are you sure you’re not using me? this hurts.

[briinleyisms]

LMAO HEY MTV IT’S MARCY WELCOME 2 MY CRIB

“LMAO” AKA “ ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) #squadgoals”

ok so lowkey have had this muse for like ten years (ive been rping since i was seven fucking beat me) but every rp i bring her 2??? drops after like??? five days likE LISTEN THAT IS NOT HOW U RUN A RP LISTEN!!! UP!!! PUT UR BACK INTO IT!!!

anyhoW ok unlike ivan since i was still figuring out his bg w rosie when i posted his ‘intro’ i actually got brinley figured out and there’s a long version and a short version. imma put the tl;dr up here ok bc the non-tl;dr is overwhelming. personality is like.... toTALLY POINTLESS WHO CARES ABT PERSONALITY but it’s at the bottom i guess :\

TL;DR:

ok basically she was born into a death cult in aliso viejo, california (tbh i just looked up rural places in ca and chose the most recently established one i could find lmao) called ‘the children of the revelation’ bc im extra. lots of fear-mongering revolving around the idea of The End of Days™. leader was a total prophet and totally abused his prophet power. planned out ritual for end of days was lowkey highkey terrifying (‘let’s go die in the river of miracles’!!!!!! [too extra help me]) and one of the ‘apostles’ was like ‘i quit’ and left iN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!! and lowkey basically kidnapped a few ppl including BUT NOT LIMITED TO brinley and they wound up in hillsboro and ‘apostle luke’ eventually left and now she’s in the oikos house. fin.

also sik tattooz bro.

ACTUAL VERSION THAT IS LONG(ER):

TW: cult (ofc), death, violence

firST it’s of note that i considered being rly fucking extra by putting quotations around her name bc her birth name is genesis like the book of revelations which brings me 2

my Extra™ title for this cult: “The Children of the Revelation”

so it was like a commune located in some place in CA that’s apparently rural and has only recently been established called ‘aliso viejo’ and lmao watch one of yall live there

but yeAH OK commune not just a church like the church of scientology like full on “u chose this life time 2 prove ur dedication”

alright so just full disclosure that i really really want to get this right and i know no one who has ever been in a cult (let alone a death cult) and i myself have not (as is likely expected) so i have already done research but i plan on doing like 100x more since this is a really serious subject. serious to the point that i’m not even using text slang (although i will when i get on with the intro post i just gotta).

anyhoW w that info out of the way time 2 get 2 the actual like point of the cult

first of all her mom joined the cult before she was born (ofc) and she was the gift!!! between her mom and one of the leader’s ‘apostles’!!!

so!!! 

basically: “lmao ur not leviticus enough 4 us.” (probs their slogan)

ok but obviously that’s scratching the surface like the real fuckery lied w/in two thing:

literal death cult (will get to that)

also doomsday cult

which sometimes go hand-in-hand anyhow

ok so the doomsday thing is what was more prominent in her life since she was 16 when she #escaped and never rly disobeyed (so many things 2 get 2!!!)

the leader’s name was ezekiel (cheever this is actually salem circa 1690) and he perceived himself as a prophet and naturally.... had prophecies. one of the most prominent ones was that the rapture would occur at 11:59PM on December 24th, 2011 (take away four days and add a year and u got the end of the world according 2 misconceptions abt the mayan calendar!)

the idea was that if u obeyed what ezekiel told u 2 do (he believed he was the fourth reincarnation of christ) u would end up going 2 heaven on judgment day but if u disobeyed...... yikes.

it depended on the magnitude of the ‘crime’ but for the most part if u disobeyed more than two times u were killed. u were hung or drowned and u were made an example of.

if u disobeyed less than two times and ur ‘offense’ wasnt worthy of immediate death dw!!! u can scrape by w torture!!! and also be made an example of!!!

so basically u were at ezekiel’s beck and call. every little bit of labor he asked u 2 do was like.......... if u didnt do it yiKES!!! ofc children werent expected 2 perform any laborious tasks rather just 2 listen and take in everything ezekiel and his apostles told them.

his ‘apostles’ who (as u can infer) served as his right-hand men were the fathers 2 all the children who would be born inside the cult. they kept ppl in line. they taught the kids when ezekiel was busy. those sorta things u kno???

ok so imma skip over some of the details that are like.... worse??? like theyre all bad but like these are the things i j feel like shouldnt be brought up in an intro post but theyre in the hella long rough-draft bio here that i went ahead and put up for this purpose rly

SO THAT BEING SAID THIS WAS SORTA A WAY 2 SHOW THE SORTA ENVIRONMENT SHE WAS RAISED IN AND IT SOUNDS FUN AND I WOULD LOVE 2 BE A PART OF IT.

so ok imma try 2 make this next part go quicker

basically the ‘judgment day’ was closing in and ezekiel’s plans were rly like no thank u ( (TW: SUICIDE) ’hey guys! 2 make sure we get into heaven not only do u have 2 follow all of my commands since im jesus’s fourth reincarnation but we all also have 2 walk into a river with rocks in our pockets at the time the world is supposed 2 scorch with hell’s fire!’ (END TW) fun christmas activities for u and ur bae.

as it started closing in it was basically all ezekiel talked abt during his ‘sermons’ like wtf??? what a church service.

‘apostle luke’ (i hate myself) was like “ok..... ok the more u talk abt this the less believable it sounds..... like wtf jesus’s fourth reincarnation??? pics or it didnt happen.” and after some months he wound up concocting this plan 2 #escape bc honestly??? 

so he eventually eSCAPED in the deAD OF NIGHT and basically kidnapped ppl like ok sure luke

one of said ppl was brinley which i kno is unexpected. (honestly i think this is like??? maybe the third time i brought her up in all of these bullets??? honestly @me

“wAS NOT WILLING 2 GO!!! WAS NOT HAPPY 2 GO!!! WAS NOT READY 2 GO!!! NEEDS SOMEONE 2 FOLLOW!!! DOES NOT KNO WHAT 2 DO!!! DOES NOT APPRECIATE THIS!!! IS SHOOK!!!” - everyone luke fucking kidnapped then basically had 2 serve as a stand-in ezekiel for

they ended up in hillsboro after like 84 years and he was like “OK EVERYONE GETS NEW NAMES!!! :D” and tbh he probs just pulled out one of those baby books pointed 2 a random name and bam!!! that was their name

so even tho i’ve been calling her brinley this whole time just 2 make it??? not confusing??? genesis became brinley and she was no longer a book of revelations she is apparently a name that’s most prominent in utah

over time ppl pce’d out (not rly bc they wanted 2 but bc they needed 2 like u get what i mean.)

it ended up j being three ppl in their shitty apt!!! one luke one brinley and one kid who has a name but 1) i havent mentioned it yet and 2) i dont want 2 go look for it in the bio tbh

doomsday came and brinley was shook!!! rly rly shook!!! trying 2 find out what 2 do that would be similar enough 2 what thE CHILDREN of the corn would do!!! and luke was like ( x )

a lot more climatic than im acting like it was but this is so long i dont want 2 spend too much time on anything anymore but ok minor point is homemade inkin’ machine (legit mainly bc ryan ashley -dave navarro voice- [has/had] what it takes... to be ink master. -end voice-)

ok luke left eventually and idk so did the kid idk that’s in there and at first she was like “lmao idk what 2 do ig imma squat [man ivan and brinley #parallels] and keep doin what im doin” and she did and ok

aFTER ALL OF THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE she wound up w the oikos (bc honestly u can only squat for so long and who the fuck would be like “yes! i would like 2 be inked by a kid on the street who doesnt rly have anywhere 2 put anything! yes!” [i would be like that #exposed]) and is now somewhere where ppl dont think the world will end soon wtf

personality but who cares abt that:

WOW THAT WAS LONG

ok!!! so i never rly had a clear definition of her personality i just like... waited 2 see (BEFORE THE RP CLOSED FUCK THAT) but then i watched a long-ass chipotle commercial (theres this one part where a cow is basically abt 2 be slaughtered and idk it’s so sad it was rly playin up that pathos i wanted 2 cry) and i was suddenly like!!! a lightbulb!!! “aha!!! basically fiona apple’s cover of ‘pure imagination’”

SO 2 GET ON W THAT

it’s been five years since she escaped and started desocializing from that lyf she knew but like............ five years compared 2 sixteen i mean which one’s gonna weigh the other out tbh (i just typed ‘way’ i cannot believe myself pls send me back 2 first grade)

so ok literally LITERALLY it is this song like im tryna think of how 2 explain it???

like the lyrics of it are (u kno willy wonka) v bright (albeit a bit ??? during that spin part) but the bg in fiona apple’s cover is so??? dark??? and honestly fiona apple’s voice just makes everything seem darker (i love fiona apple shes such a queen)

so it’s a v contradicting song

and she has a v contradicting personality

like ok one big thing that fits this contradiction is she feels like she needs someone 2 follow??? since that’s how it’s been almost all of her life??? (come 2 think of it i wouldnt be surprised w my subconscious if that’s the reason she’s still in the oikos house [asides from jobless but]) but at the same time like??? she WANTS 2 be independent??? she WANTS 2 be able 2 build a life for herself and around herself and not someone else but??? it just doesnt work that way???

MORE CONTRADICTION!!! bc of that whole ‘death/doomsday cult’ thing she is a p paranoid person??? but??? at the same time??? c h i l l ??? i mean in any case shes always gonna be lowkey paranoid but she doesnt??? rly act that way most of the time??? this could also be filed under “very curious about the norms of this brand new society but also very wary and prefers 2 Not™”

MORE!!! lmao ok religion idek what 2 do here honestly it’s so fucked. she knoWS IT’S SO FUCKED IT’S SO FUCKKING FUCKED but 16/21 years like??? v hard 2 get over that??? buT IT’S SO FUCKED. like no hate no discriminate (speaking of no discriminate highkey bi i love wlw) but also “everyone is a sinner and so am i we are living in sin we are going 2 burn it is only a matter of time satan where u @???” so like??? scared and wary??? but also??? fucked.

A LOT OF FUCKING FUCKERY. 

A FIONA APPLE SONG.

THANK U AND GOODNIGHT

if u would like 2 plot pls do feel free 2 like this or hmu

and if u actually READ that all then holy shit ur a saint u would make it 2 heaven on rapture day