#but my brain is already on the hype train

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me: okay I told my professor not to point out my startle reactions and he tentatively agreed. he also asked me not to reflexively answer questions posed to the class every time. normal things. very polite. we’re chill.

Brain: he’s mad at you.

Me: no? he might be frustrated or annoyed, but he’s not mad.

Brain: he is tho. he just isn’t telling you. he’s stressed and he’s hiding it and he’s gonna explode soon.

Me: okay well that’s a him problem if that’s true. and he is very unlikely to explode around me, because he’s a professor and that could get him fired.

Brain: no he’s definitely mad at you. just like your dad. here’s a playlist I’ve compiled of every time your dad got really angry at you.

Me: no don’t-

Brain: *plays looped audio files of my dad screaming at me and pounding on the desk/walls out of anger* *plays looped memory file of my head being grabbed and shaken that one time* *plays looped audio file of my dad stomping up the stairs and that little ‘ohoho’ noise he does when he’s rly pissed*

Me: …goshdangit

[gaylotusthatexists]

my main take away from scar’s episode is. cub for life series please. thank u.

[megamindsecretlair]

Girrrlll a thought if you will but Terry Richmond the idea of a breeding kink with him. A thought that randomly popped into my unhinged brain for him. Cause GIRL! He’s already toxic in bed and just add that to the mix.

A/N: You sneakin a peek at my drafts????

I Swear I'll Never Leave

Pairing: Toxic Baby Daddy!Terry Richmond x Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. SMUT. PWP, cursing, PIV, angst if you squint, fingering (fem receiving), teasing, size kink, dirty talk, mean Terry, daddy kink, praise kink, spanking, breeding kink, overstimulation, hair pulling, manhandling, persuasion through the power of dick, all consensual. Sorry if I missed some.

Summary: See Ask. When Terry comes to pick up your daughter, you can’t help picking a fight with him. He sends your daughter outside to wait with Mike while he makes sure you understand a few things.

Word Count: 4,909k

AO3 Link

A/N: WHEW. I hope this lives up to the hype. This is close to the daydream I had. Ya'll know how hard it is to match it perfectly lol. This hurt ME so I hope you enjoy. Toss a coin to your blogger by leaving a comment, gif, or unhinged ask.

Loud banging on the metal door tore your attention away from your Kindle. You groaned and looked at the time on your alarm clock. It was past two. One of your biggest pet peeves about your baby daddy was that he was annoyingly on time. You were not.

You groaned and got up from bed, picking up the pace once you heard your daughter, Cadence, hopping up and down on your hardwood floors. “Daddy’s here! Daddy’s here!” She giggled, hopping in a circle outside of your room.

“Yes, baby, I heard him,” you said, hunting for your robe. You were only in a giant red sleep shirt while you waited for laundry to get done. The banging continued and you took your precious time finding said robe. That man would just have to wait. 

“Mommy, he’s hereeeee,” Cadence sang, bouncing on the balls of her little feet. 

“Yes, baby, I know. What did we say about patience?” You asked, grabbing your robe from your chair and putting it on. It was actually an old one of Terry’s that was soft and reminded you of him. 

Cadence sighed and stuck out her bottom lip. She looked down and sighed again. “Sometimes we have to wait for what we want,” she said, her voice sounding the complete opposite from what it was before. 

You chuckled and tapped her nose. “Alright now. Go get your things and I’ll let your daddy in, okay?” You asked.

Cadence’s smile returned full force, lighting up her face that looked so much like Terry. Like he spat the baby out and you just carried her. It was honestly disrespectful. Terry banged on the door once more, getting louder and more annoying with it.

You huffed and walked to the front of the house, opening the wooden door. “Can you stop banging on my door like you the police?” You asked. 

Terry chuckled and scratched at his beard. The stubble made him look more rugged and you fought a shiver as you took in the rest of him. He wore black sweats and a matching black tank top molded to his body. 

Tank tops were made for someone like him. Someone so chiseled and well defined. He still kept up his training, still made sure to spend hours in the gym keeping up his physique. It was annoying as hell. Like why couldn’t he let himself go? Couldn’t he make it easier to leave him alone? 

“If you just gave me a key…” Terry said, leaning against the metal door. His gorgeousness was disrupted by the metal screen and you took a deep breath. Facing Terry was like coming into contact with the divine. He was far from a saint, but he was so damn pretty. 

“Nice try. Can’t have you walking in if I have company,” you said, opening the door, finally. Terry’s ever changing eyes watched your every movement. He smiled once you were revealed and you tightened the string on the robe. 

“If you miss me, just say that,” he said, his eyes going lower and lower. You crossed your legs and your arms, communicating to him that you were closed for business. 

“I’m doing mighty fine without you, thank you,” you said. You looked behind you. For all her excitement, what the hell was taking Cadence so long? 

“Mhm,” Terry hummed, smirk curling his lips. You ignored him, tapping your foot on the ground. 

“It’s been four months. When are you gonna let me back in?” Terry moved to take up the entire door frame with his height and size. He wore a do-rag on his head, the ends tucked in. Dressed in all black as he was, he may as well have been a giant red flag.

“How about…October 32nd?” You asked, grinning at him. 

Terry chuckled. “That’s not what you said last time,” he said. 

“I was drunk last time. I would’ve said anything to get off,” you said, just as Cadence came flying through the living room.

“Dadddddyyyyyyyy!” She screamed and launched herself at him. He bent down at the last minute and caught her, giving her a giant hug and swinging her from side to side. 

“How is my little baby?” He asked. He hefted Cadence onto his hip and looked up at her. The grin on her face. You smiled and took out your phone to capture a photo of the both of them. Terry hung the moon as far as your daughter was concerned. As long as he remained a good father, you weren’t going to stand in the way of that. 

She was old enough to realize that daddy was no longer at home with her, but young enough to not fully realize why. You didn’t have the words to explain to her that you loved Terry, but you couldn’t be in the same room with him without wanting to commit bloody murder. 

 Cadence chattered away, telling Terry everything he missed since the last time he saw her. He listened to everything, casting glances at you. You shared a smile with him, admiring this beautiful, creative daughter you made together. 

“I can’t wait to hear more, baby, but I need to talk to mommy. Go play with Uncle Mike until we’re done,” he said.

“We don’t have to talk,” you said. If he went on and left, you could enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend doing absolutely fucking nothing. After laundry and the dishes, you planned on relaxing tonight. You just needed to decide on which type of alcohol to accompany you. 

Terry flicked his eyes to you and raised an eyebrow. You rolled your eyes. The fuck does he want? 

Cadence pouted as Terry put her down but she saw Mike leaning against Terry’s truck. He waved to you and you returned it, watching Cadence run into his arms with the same force she did for Terry. Mike scooped her up and gave her a big hug, tickling her. 

Terry stepped into the house like he owned it. Sure, both of your names were on the deed, but that didn’t mean shit. “Hey!” You called after him and then closed the door. 

Terry looked around and you spread your arms, following behind him. “What the hell are you doing?” You asked. 

Terry checked the living room and then turned back to you with a smirk on his lips. He approached you and you backed away. You realized what he was doing and then stopped, held your ground. Terry encroached into your personal space, looking down his wide nose at you. 

“I know you miss me,” he said. 

You laughed and shook your head. “The fuck make you think that?” You asked and crossed your arms. 

“You pick fights when you need some dick,” he said.

You sputtered as your brain stalled. You wanted to yell at him, curse him, and kick his ass out of your house. But your body was a traitor. You flushed with heat and you grew wet between your legs. 

Fuck. Tequila it was tonight as you threw on a good porno and got yourself off. You had been feeling restless lately, feeling like you wanted to chew through bricks if it meant getting some relief. Ovulation week was horrible. Nothing but dick on the brain and how soon you could get some. How he knew that was a damn mystery, but you tightened the belt on the robe to the point of pain and then re-crossed your arms. 

“That’s not true,” you said. 

Terry advanced on you, pushing you backwards with a few fingers on your tummy. Your back hit the door frame separating the front room from the hallway. Once he had you where he wanted, he pulled at the robe you had on. Your thighs tingled and he opened the robe to reveal your sleep shirt. 

“Laundry day?” He asked.

“How the fu–”

Terry leaned down and brought his lips to yours. He stopped just before contact and you smelled the fresh mint on his breath. “Don’t you know by now that I notice everything about you?” He asked. 

He curled a finger under your chin and lifted it until you looked into the deep pool of his eyes. His thumb stroked your chin and your pussy felt it. It throbbed and the wetness got worse. 

You licked your lips and huffed, giving him a shrug. “I don’t need any help, thank you,” you said. You pushed at his shoulder but he didn’t budge. Didn’t even pretend to. You sighed and tried a different tactic. “Cadence has been looking forward to today for a while. You shouldn’t keep her waiting.”

Terry’s smile was slow and near animalistic. “Speaking of, isn’t it time for us to have another?” He asked. 

You burst with laughter, the force of it stealing your breath. You shook your head and looked at him. His eyes were trained on you, tracking everything, before you burst into laughter once more. You wiped the corners of your eyes and shook your head. “Fuck no,” you said. 

“You sure? Remember how much fun we had making Cadence?” He asked. He kissed the corner of your mouth and then moved his hand from your chin, down around your breast, and then further down to your stomach.

He flattened his big hand across your tummy, giving it a squeeze. His palm was warm, seeping through your shirt. If you had on panties, they��d be ruined by now. You were too turned on. Too flushed with heat. Too down bad to continue even the smallest torture. And he knew it. 

He hummed as he sighed with satisfaction, like he just confirmed something he had been questioning. He blinked and that turned you on. That’s how you knew you were fucked. “Let’s make a son,” he said.

“So I can go through pregnancy alone? Again?” You asked. 

Terry winced and you immediately felt bad. That was below the belt. You sighed and leaned away from him, pushing at his hand. “This is why we don’t work,” you whispered. Terry made you bring your claws out. Wanting to hurt him. And that wasn’t what relationships were about. You shouldn’t want to hurt the love of your life. 

Terry kept his hand on your belly and brought his other hand to cup your cheek. “I know I fucked up. But we do work well together,” he said. 

“You didn’t! I was…” You groaned and threw up your hands. Once more, you tried to fight him. To move. To get out from under his influence. He was your worst drug of choice and you were too weak to stay away. Too weak to walk away. 

Terry stayed in place. He kept his hand cupped to your cheek, holding you in place, and moved his other hand from your stomach down to the edge of your shirt. You gasped as he lifted it, inch by slow, torturous inch, and then skated his fingers along the crease between your thigh and pelvis. His rough fingers felt too good and you leaned into it before catching yourself. 

Terry hummed as he moved his fingers between your legs, seeking between your damp curls, and then wiggling between your pussy lips. You hissed and held onto his shoulders, dug your nails in. 

Terry kissed your cheek. “This is why we work well together. The way you respond…you can’t fake that,” he said. He brought his forehead to the side of yours, fingers starting to play with your essence. He always stopped before he got too close to your clit. 

“We can’t build something on a foundation of sex, Terry,” you said.

“That isn’t our foundation. We still love each other. We’re still in love with each other,” he said, his deep voice was like a physical caress on your body. You felt it along the curves of your hips and the dip between your thighs. You spread your legs wider, giving him more access. 

Your skin felt like it was going to burn to a crisp. You sunk your nails into his shoulders and Terry groaned, rolling his hips forward. You looked down and saw the tent he pitched in his sweats, giving you a nice outline of his dick. His glorious, beautiful dick.

Your thoughts turned fuzzy as he continued to tease you. He’d definitely hit that spot. That deep spot inside that only he could reach. You were pretty sure he created that spot just for him, knowing damn well no other man would compare to his size. Compared to the way he took care of you in the bedroom.

Combined with your hormones going haywire, your knees grew weaker. Your clit throbbed as his questing fingers grew closer and you whimpered as he moved away, swirling figure eight’s with your essence. 

“Let me cum,” you whispered, moving your hips to chase after his fingers. 

“Let me back in the house,” he countered. You sighed and rubbed your head against his.

“Terry…” You said. 

He called your name and then moved his fingers to your entrance. You gasped and he lifted your chin. He pulled back to look into your eyes. Your eyelids were heavy, drooping on a mix of ovulation and lust. 

You were leaving half moons in his skin from your nails. You relaxed and rubbed the pain away. It gave you something to focus on other than his beautiful hands playing you like a damn fiddle. 

Terry pushed his middle finger into your pussy and you moaned, loudly, lewdly, mouth falling open and closed. You wanted to make another sound but fuck if you knew what it would be. 

“How long has it been since last time? Since I was playing in this pussy?” Terry asked. He stepped closer. You brought your leg up to rub against his thigh. It opened you up further for him to pump his thick finger in and out of you. 

In no time, he had you moaning and biting your lip. You were so close…almost there…and…Terry pulled his finger out. You groaned and looked at him. He smirked while he brought his finger to his mouth and suckled. 

“Get that sexy ass on our bed,” Terry said. He moved back slowly so you’d have a chance to lower your leg. 

You whined and stomped your foot. Terry tilted his head. You sighed and moved away from him, marching your ass to the bed. “This is the last time, Terry,” you said over your shoulder. Out from underneath him, clarity returned to your brain. 

You were saying yes for you. You were saying yes because you deserved it. You were saying yes because fuck, it’d been two weeks since he blew your back out and you needed that same loving to get you through the next two weeks. 

In two weeks, you’d be stronger. You’d be able to resist him. You’d be able to look across the threshold at him, picking up your daughter, and not feel that tug towards him. That glimpse into the man you fell in love with before he went into the service. You’d remain unaffected and in control.

Tonight, you were just ready to turn your brain off. Ready to fuck him like you missed him and then let him go after. You walked into your bedroom and moved your Kindle to the nightstand. Terry’s heavy footfalls sounded behind you, matching the beat of your erratic heart. 

“You said that last time,” he said. 

You smoothed out the comforter, in your favorite color, and rolled your eyes. “And I meant it. I mean it now,” you said.

Terry chuckled. “Yes, ma’am. And you’ll mean it next time?” He asked. 

Terry opened the cabinet in your hallway and took out a towel. You lifted your eyes at him. “Someone’s a little confident,” you said. 

“It’s cute when you try to act tough. Like you not drooling over this dick,” he said. He entered the room and took a look around. You wondered if he was comparing things to the last time he was here. Cadence was away at a sleepover and you broke down and asked him to come over to handle the heat between your thighs. 

“Drooling?” You asked and laughed. “If you desperate for this kitty, just say that.” 

“I’m desperate for it,” he said, flicking his warm eyes towards you. You snapped your mouth shut and stared while he laid the towel down on the edge of the bed. He finished and then crossed the room to you.

“You can pretend all you want, but if you didn’t want me? You wouldn’t have worn this,” he said and pulled off the robe. He balled it up and then tossed it to the chair where it usually resided. You licked your lips for lack of a better response. Because…fair.

“And, you would have put on some panties. Some pants,” he said. He lifted your shirt off in one rough yank and you gasped. Terry hummed and looked you up and down. “And you definitely wouldn’t have answered the door like this. Since you did, that can only mean you need me.”

“Need is such a big word,” you said. 

Terry slipped his fingers into your hair and pulled. You moaned and closed your eyes. He walked with you like that, fist full of your hair, to the edge of the bed. He made you climb on the foot of the bed and once in position, he moved you to face the corner of your room. 

The floor mirror showed your reflection, hair pulled up and away in Terry’s hand. He looked at you like he wanted to eat you alive. You absolutely missed this. Missed the way he looked at you like he couldn’t breathe without your smile in his life. Your body naturally bent forward, sticking your ass higher.

Terry locked eyes with you in the mirror. “Need is a very big word,” he said. He smacked your ass and moaned in the back of his throat. 

The pain in your ass blossomed, radiated with fire. Terry delivered a few more smacks. Each one stung worse than the last, but you started to look forward to his smacks. You lifted your ass higher, meeting his hand. Your pussy dripped with your essence. You moaned, pussy clenching as you looked at the focus on his face. The determination. 

His mouth was twisted and his eyebrows were furrowed as he painted your ass with his hand. You started to shake, started to tremble, before he stopped and smoothed his hand down your ass. 

You hissed and moaned, pushing your ass into his hand. Terry yanked on your hair and you groaned as you lifted off of the bed. 

“Look at me,” he ordered. You found his eyes in the mirror. He smiled as he lowered his sweats and then plunged inside of you in one rough thrust. 

“Fuuuuuuuck,” you gasped. Terry’s smirk grew wider. He held firm to your hair, pulling to the point of pain, while he kept himself buried to the hilt. Your nails dug into the sheets, pulled at the covers.

“Look so fuckin’ gorgeous takin’ dick,” he said. 

Your fist pounded feebly on the bed. You couldn’t move unless he willed it. You could only look at the satisfaction on his face. “Condom,” you choked out. 

“We don’t need one, do we?” He asked. He pulled out and then pushed back in. You felt every inch of him. Every long, beautiful inch of his dick sliding against your wet walls. 

Now was not the right time for another baby. You finally felt like you had a handle on Cadence. And she was plenty to handle on a good day. “She won’t forgive us for another baby,” you said, trying to come up for a good reason not to let him bathe your insides. At the moment, everything was coming up short. He and your body were working against your higher functioning. Breaking you down to the basest drive to fuck and make babies. 

Terry pushed in and out of you a few more times, letting your essence coat his dick. “She’ll forgive us,” he said and sped up, slamming his hips into yours. He tightened his hold on your hair, pulling your neck to the side so he could lean down and lick. 

You moaned and shivered, a tingle spreading throughout your body. He stroked, moving his hips, and hitting it just like you needed it. 

“Look how sexy you look,” he said. He pulled your hair and made you lift your face to the mirror. You saw your mouth dropped open, eyes at half mast, ass in the air. Terry hovered on top of you, muscles bunching and flexing beneath his effort. 

“Fuck, Terry, fuck, fuck,” you moaned. Your body raced towards an orgasm. There was no teasing, no playing coy or shy. There was just the feel of him inside of you. Where he belonged. Where he needed to be. You came in no time, embarrassingly easy, and you screamed your release. 

Terry kissed and licked your neck and ear, moaning. His breaths fanned across your neck, right where he licked, and it raised goosebumps on your flesh. 

“Missed this pussy. Missed the way you ride me,” he moaned. 

“Shh, you talk too damn much,” you said, waving him away. One orgasm only fed the next one, making your thighs shake on him. His thighs hit your ass, creating a perfect, rhythmic smack that was seriously turning you on. 

Terry yanked on your hair until you brought your hands up to clutch at his hand. You were on your knees, chest poked out, hissing with pain. Your pussy clenched around his dick, unable to hide how much it turned you on when he manhandled you. 

“I think you forgot who you’re talking to,” he said. He kissed your cheek and looked at you in the mirror.

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry,” you said. You shook your head. 

Terry grinned, showing off that beautiful, devastating smile of his. He grabbed your titty, squeezed the fuck out of your sensitive nipple, and then started ramming in and out of you. “Oh fuck, oh fuck,” you screamed. 

His dick speared you, slamming into your walls. Your very womb ached from his strokes. Wet, loud squelching filled the room. Terry moaned, cursing low and under his breath. Thank god for the towel. You were soaked. And you were flooding his dick with your essence, making you into a slip n’ slide. 

Terry groaned, getting lost in it, as he fucked you like a toy. “Takin’ me so well, you a professional, huh?” He asked.

You shook your head, unable to speak. Unable to hear properly. He found that deep spot inside, practically kissing your cervix, dick hitting it with precision. You moaned, low and long. You squeezed the hand that held your hair and he ignored you. 

“Keep this up, you gon’ make me bust. That’s what you want, right?” He asked. 

You nodded. Fuck, yes, you wanted it. You needed it. You needed his cum inside of you. You wanted to be the only receptacle for his cum. If it wasn’t in his hand, you wanted it all over you and inside of you. You wanted, you wanted, you wanted.

“Words,” he said. Both of you grew damp with sweat. Bodies sliding against each other. Grabbing onto each other for dear life. As if the moment you let go, you’d fade away forever. You’d drown and lose yourself and he was your only tether to the real world. It came down to you connected to him. 

“I can’t,” you moaned. You weren’t going to last much longer. You were close again. So fuckin’ close that it hurt. Your tummy cramped, the need to cum overwhelming. You also didn’t want to give in. Didn’t want to concede.

“Admit you need me,” he said. 

“Terry, please,” you whined. Terry slowed down his strokes. “No, no, no!” 

Terry moved his hand from your titty to lay across your entire chest. He kept you upright with his arm, hand grabbing your other titty so he could roll your nipple between his fingers. You whined and cried, tears gathering in your eyes. “Please,” you whimpered.

“Say you miss me. Say you want this baby I’m finna give you,” he said. He locked eyes with you in the mirror. 

He saw everything. Saw the way you were sniffling and pleading with your eyes. You squeezed his hand that was still clutching your hair but he refused to move. His dick throbbed, still lodged inside you, and you wanted to collapse. This was too much for you. Too intense. 

“Terry,” you begged. 

Terry kissed your cheek, the space beneath your ear, and then licked the shell of your ear. “I need to hear it,” he said, his voice low. 

You closed your eyes as you retreated from the edge. You groaned as you could feel it going away.

“I need to hear that you crave this dick. That you get flashbacks, times when I hit it well. That you wake up in the middle of the night, burning, wanting to call me but knowing that if you do, it’s just one more step to me moving back in. Moving back in and taking care of you, of Cadence, of this baby,” he said. He couldn’t help moving a little, rocking you up and down his dick once.

“Fuck,” you moaned. Your pussy clenched around him and Terry groaned. 

“I know that pussy want it. Hear how she talkin’? What she trynna say to me?” He asked. 

“Don’t stop,” you moaned, voice breathy. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” 

“What’s she really saying?” He asked.

“I want that baby,” you moaned. Fuck, how could you not? How could you not want another tether to him? Another way to call him yours? 

Your problems were in the back of your mind. You were tired of sleeping in a cold bed. Tired of handling Cadence by yourself. Tired of doing this shit by yourself. You wanted your man at home. Wanted him deep in your pussy whenever the mood struck.

“That’s my girl,” he said. He started moving again, slamming his dick in and out of you. He moved his hand from your titties to your stomach, stopping to squeeze your belly. You moaned and he squeezed again. 

You loved when he did that. When he touched you possessively. Hungrily. Like there was too much skin for him to get to at once. Like he wanted it all, wanted every last inch of you there was to have. You matched his strokes, throwing it back on him. 

Terry groaned and moved his hands to your pussy, pushing past your pussy lips and stroking your clit. He rubbed furiously, flicking your clit, and you made incoherent sounds. Sputtered through moans, groans, and “oh my god, yes, please, nut in me, nut in meeeee, oueee.”

Terry growled in your ear and that sent you over. The raw need in his throat. You twitched and jerked, moaning, promising him however many babies he wanted. His chuckle was cut off by a groan as he stroked a few more times before cumming. 

He rammed one last time and kept you plugged up while he came and came. Thick, hot ropes of cum painted your inner walls and your brain turned to mush as he did so. His dick throbbed. Your pussy ached. A deep hole was filled by him. By this beautiful, messy, fucked up, toxic man you called the love of your life. 

“Fuuuck,” you twitched on his throbbing dick. He groaned as he huffed and recovered from his orgasm, pulling out to watch himself leak out. He spread your ass cheeks, gave it a smack, and then reentered you.

“Ouee, shit,” you moaned, thighs tingling. 

Terry chuckled and bottomed out, keeping himself there. “I think we just made a son, baby,” he said and pulled you into a kiss. Your neck ached in this position but fuck it. You wanted his sloppy, wet kisses. 

He kissed you sweetly as he moved his hand from your pussy to your stomach, massaging it. You giggled and tapped at his shoulder. “Really mu’fucker?” You asked. 

He chuckled and pecked you on the lips. “Just increasing our chances. Get this sexy, beautiful body in the shower. You gotta start taking care of the both of you,” he said. 

You laughed and pushed at his shoulder with yours. “You get on my nerves!” You said, disentangling his hand from your hair.

Terry moved, pushing his cum deeper inside with shallow strokes. You hissed and moaned, loving the feeling of him. “I’m gonna take Cadence out to the park. And then we’re gonna have dinner tonight and explain that Daddy’s moving back in,” he said. 

You sighed heavily and rolled your eyes. But you didn’t argue. “Yes, Daddy,” you moaned.

Terry pulled out and helped clean you up, taking the soaked towel off of the bed and throwing it in the laundry room. He fixed his outfit and you watched from the bed, sorry he hadn’t gotten naked as well.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back tonight fucking that attitude out of you,” he said.

You gasped and he chuckled, running out of the house before you could call him everything but a child of God. 

The end.

You know I can't keep this man off the brain! The Secret Terry Richmond Files

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Coprophagic AI crisis

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TORONTO on Mar 22, then with LAURA POITRAS in NYC on Mar 24, then Anaheim, and more!

A key requirement for being a science fiction writer without losing your mind is the ability to distinguish between science fiction (futuristic thought experiments) and predictions. SF writers who lack this trait come to fancy themselves fortune-tellers who SEE! THE! FUTURE!

The thing is, sf writers cheat. We palm cards in order to set up pulp adventure stories that let us indulge our thought experiments. These palmed cards – say, faster-than-light drives or time-machines – are narrative devices, not scientifically grounded proposals.

Historically, the fact that some people – both writers and readers – couldn't tell the difference wasn't all that important, because people who fell prey to the sf-as-prophecy delusion didn't have the power to re-orient our society around their mistaken beliefs. But with the rise and rise of sf-obsessed tech billionaires who keep trying to invent the torment nexus, sf writers are starting to be more vocal about distinguishing between our made-up funny stories and predictions (AKA "cyberpunk is a warning, not a suggestion"):

https://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2023/11/dont-create-the-torment-nexus.html

In that spirit, I'd like to point to how one of sf's most frequently palmed cards has become a commonplace of the AI crowd. That sleight of hand is: "add enough compute and the computer will wake up." This is a shopworn cliche of sf, the idea that once a computer matches the human brain for "complexity" or "power" (or some other simple-seeming but profoundly nebulous metric), the computer will become conscious. Think of "Mike" in Heinlein's *The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Moon_Is_a_Harsh_Mistress#Plot

For people inflating the current AI hype bubble, this idea that making the AI "more powerful" will correct its defects is key. Whenever an AI "hallucinates" in a way that seems to disqualify it from the high-value applications that justify the torrent of investment in the field, boosters say, "Sure, the AI isn't good enough…yet. But once we shovel an order of magnitude more training data into the hopper, we'll solve that, because (as everyone knows) making the computer 'more powerful' solves the AI problem":

https://locusmag.com/2023/12/commentary-cory-doctorow-what-kind-of-bubble-is-ai/

As the lawyers say, this "cites facts not in evidence." But let's stipulate that it's true for a moment. If all we need to make the AI better is more training data, is that something we can count on? Consider the problem of "botshit," Andre Spicer and co's very useful coinage describing "inaccurate or fabricated content" shat out at scale by AIs:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4678265

"Botshit" was coined last December, but the internet is already drowning in it. Desperate people, confronted with an economy modeled on a high-speed game of musical chairs in which the opportunities for a decent livelihood grow ever scarcer, are being scammed into generating mountains of botshit in the hopes of securing the elusive "passive income":

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/15/passive-income-brainworms/#four-hour-work-week

Botshit can be produced at a scale and velocity that beggars the imagination. Consider that Amazon has had to cap the number of self-published "books" an author can submit to a mere three books per day:

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/sep/20/amazon-restricts-authors-from-self-publishing-more-than-three-books-a-day-after-ai-concerns

As the web becomes an anaerobic lagoon for botshit, the quantum of human-generated "content" in any internet core sample is dwindling to homeopathic levels. Even sources considered to be nominally high-quality, from Cnet articles to legal briefs, are contaminated with botshit:

https://theconversation.com/ai-is-creating-fake-legal-cases-and-making-its-way-into-real-courtrooms-with-disastrous-results-225080

Ironically, AI companies are setting themselves up for this problem. Google and Microsoft's full-court press for "AI powered search" imagines a future for the web in which search-engines stop returning links to web-pages, and instead summarize their content. The question is, why the fuck would anyone write the web if the only "person" who can find what they write is an AI's crawler, which ingests the writing for its own training, but has no interest in steering readers to see what you've written? If AI search ever becomes a thing, the open web will become an AI CAFO and search crawlers will increasingly end up imbibing the contents of its manure lagoon.

This problem has been a long time coming. Just over a year ago, Jathan Sadowski coined the term "Habsburg AI" to describe a model trained on the output of another model:

https://twitter.com/jathansadowski/status/1625245803211272194

There's a certain intuitive case for this being a bad idea, akin to feeding cows a slurry made of the diseased brains of other cows:

https://www.cdc.gov/prions/bse/index.html

But "The Curse of Recursion: Training on Generated Data Makes Models Forget," a recent paper, goes beyond the ick factor of AI that is fed on botshit and delves into the mathematical consequences of AI coprophagia:

https://arxiv.org/abs/2305.17493

Co-author Ross Anderson summarizes the finding neatly: "using model-generated content in training causes irreversible defects":

https://www.lightbluetouchpaper.org/2023/06/06/will-gpt-models-choke-on-their-own-exhaust/

Which is all to say: even if you accept the mystical proposition that more training data "solves" the AI problems that constitute total unsuitability for high-value applications that justify the trillions in valuation analysts are touting, that training data is going to be ever-more elusive.

What's more, while the proposition that "more training data will linearly improve the quality of AI predictions" is a mere article of faith, "training an AI on the output of another AI makes it exponentially worse" is a matter of fact.

Name your price for 18 of my DRM-free ebooks and support the Electronic Frontier Foundation with the Humble Cory Doctorow Bundle.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/14/14/inhuman-centipede#enshittibottification

Image: Plamenart (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Double_Mobius_Strip.JPG

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[demonslayedher]

Checking fic details means I was spending more time back in the Infinity Fortress and ahaha unnnnngggghh it hurrrrrttttssss but these movies are gonna be soooo goooood

So anyway a thought

You know how we have a "Song of Kamado Tanjiro" and "Song of Kamado Nezuko"? What if we get a "Song of Agatsuma Zenitsu" and a "Song of Hashibira Inosuke"?

Pacing-wise it might be hard to fit them in if they are as long and slow as Tanjiro's and Nezuko's, but a little bit of lyrics would be nice. I wonder how they'll incorporate a pinky promise song, or up the drama of Zenitsu's Thunder Breath BGM?

I'm really not ready to hear what new arrangements we'll get of older theme music. Waaaaaaaah. Anyway, playing with more thoughts about the movie adaptations:

Here's how I would break up the movies:

First off, Sunrise Countdown is getting its own that doesn't get announced until after these three air. There's just too much content to picture all of it squeezing into three movies.

First movie:

Takes a little time on set-up and exposition--they will have to assume some people are watching and don't know the backstory, or only watched Mugen Ressha. Not a full backstory, but enough to remind us of the Kagaya and Muzan encounter and everybody dropping in. The manga has us checking in Hashira upset over Kagaya's death, after all.

Gives us Douma's back story

Shinobu's last stand, probably with a very sad spin on her theme music

Builds up Zenitsu vs Kaigaku as the climax (and if it's treated as the climax, that's an excuse for a special intro song)

Ends with Tanjiro battling Akaza, Akaza affirming that Tanjiro has gotten stronger and Tanjiro reaffirming Rengoku's worldview

Movie 2

Exposition to remind us all where everybody is (poor Kanao has been battling Douma in the background of a volume's worth of manga and is already bloody by the time we check in on how she's doing after the Akaza, after all--Douma crying about Akaza finally GAVE HER A BREAK)

Full on Akaza battle, starting with Giyuu attaining a mark (and this also gives us some set-uo for Inosuke's role in this film since Tanjiro has him in flashbacks)

Akaza flashback

Kanao and Inosuke finish Douma off, with Shinobu coming back in for the climax of this film.

Although Inosuke's glory is shared with Kanao and Shinobu, giving him a special insert would balance his role with that of Zenitsu's in the first film.

Leave off with a reminder of what everybody else is up to, especially Tamayo running out of time with Muzan

Movie 3

Tanjiro is more of a framing device in this one rather than actively involved, it starts with him getting Senjuro's letter, so we already have Sun Breath on the brain

Bam, it's Koku vs everybody

Bam, the Nakime battle for some brevity

Baaaaam, it's Koku's backstory (I got this idea years ago, and I still would love to see his backstory staged as Shin-Kabuki)

Baaaaazzzzammm, more characters are dying and we are in paaaaainn, but Koku's defeat is well-earned climax shared among Genya + Hashira

OHHHH HELLLL NAAAAH IT'S MUZAN AND THE CORP MEMBERS ARE GETTING SLAUGHTERED

Maybe or maybe not ends with Yushiro crashing the fortress, maybe or maybe not ends with Tanjirou looking like he's died of Muzan-blood

It'll at least include Tanjiro getting pissed off at Muzan and then Ufotable announcing they are still gonna get more movie moneybout of us the following year because the hype train in infinite.

Also, through--maybe they'll slip in more of the excessive Taisho Secret details that Gotouge had no room for, like details about Hakuji's rival who poisoned the well, or Kaigaku rejecting Jiichan's haori,or Tamayo's efforts to avoid consuming human blood? How long will the run time on these things be, anyway??? My butt is ready for marathon movies, Ufotable.

Anyway. Man, I've had a day. This arc is wild and it's going to make for phenomenal animated scenes. Not only pain!! There will be coolness beyond the pain! But dang it, there will be SO MUCH PAIN

[king-crawler]

OK I DON'T KNOW IF EVERYONE'S ALREADY NOTICED THIS OR IF IT'S INSIGNIFICANT BUT I'M ON THE BRAIN ROT TRAIN.

I was watching Wreck it Ralph with my family and when the final screen happened where Ralph and Vanellope fell into the chocolate river thing I thought I saw something in the corner of the screen. But I thought no that's just wish full thinking but I played it back and...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ClNTCYkZI2s

3:23 (If you don't wanna use the link you can just search up the scene on YouTube)

WHAT IS THAT???? IT'S 100% SOMETHING FALLING IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER. IT CAN'T BE A CYBUG BECAUSE THOSE THINGS JUST POOF OUT OF EXISTENCE BUT IT'S PRETTY BIG SO???

I’m 90% sure what ur talking about is the kart Vanellope used to rescue Ralph, which is now in the background falling from the sky cuz it separated from them ?? but it’s a REALLY SMALL DETAIL I understand the hype

[keeponquinning]

some joseph quinn rpf talk, if you're not into that shh shh shhh, scroll away. right away. do not go under the read more, this is for the joe rpf folks. but. 18+ adults only. smut.

i haven't written here with me series in a long while bc life and other interests and how the way things go HOWEVER. i always have thoughts and thots and sometimes i wanna make a side blog just for that series so i can drop random bits and stuff for those that like it or maybe just for me idk i'm my own hype person for that series HOWEVER...

joe with the shaved head and training in boot camp in my mind and heart is the most unhinged and horny he's ever been.

now he and reader are already always horny for each other let's not get this twisted. but when he's spending his time training, tired and exhausted and he goes back to his flat and reader is just THERE, chilling, writing, doing her tiktoks, trying to catch up with her bestie back home, all of that, he's just absolutely feral over her.

like i don't know, maybe with being physical all day, he wants to just get lost in her. lost in her cunt. hearing the little moans and whimpers as he drives his cock so deep in her they both get lost.

any form of daddy kink he has goes up tenfold and he just fucking melts when she calls him daddy in that desperate, strained and whimpering voice.

he gets so HANDSY even, she's just walking around in nothing but one of his old shirts and he just grabs her, wraps his arms around him and brings her to his lap like.... "Fuck, I need you right now..."

and she's more than happy to oblige, she's been missing him all day and while the buzzcut was a shock at first, she's quickly fallen for it, fallen for him, because it's joseph how can she not. kissing the top of his head randomly, followed by his lips. then he lets out a growl and she melts, shudders and her brain turns off, bouncing and riding his cock until she feels him twitch inside and then the feel of his cum coating her insides, so thick and plentiful that they both know he's made a mess of her.

taking his cock inside her mouth, tasting the both of them after. hearing him moan, whisper her name, calling her a good girl that only makes her go faster and suck harder. Hearing him panting and moaning, whimpering he's so fucking close, nails digging into his hips, and he can't help but fuck her mouth and throat a bit, hearing how wet her throat is just for him, telling her he's going to cum so hard for her...

the afterglow amazing, kissing each other deeply and just lost in each other's arms. Touching and tasting, biting each other's necks, she can't mark him but he can mark her and he does, teeth catching and tugging on the skin and it hurts but feels so good that she begs him to do it again.

she's in a daze after, feeling his fingers trace over the marks, kissing them lightly, whispering about how much he loves her, adores her, glad to have her with him.

and then they do it all over again 😩

[atinystaypixie]

hey pixieee

can i request sub!connie who's dominate in public but in priv its a wholeee different story

-🦋

My 🦋 nonnie!! Hii, baby! If you see this, I need you to message me please! Hope you enjoy this!

18+ MDNI!! Yall know it's not proofread frfr

WC: 2.1k+

Connie had a tone to his voice that made many listen to him. So when he tells you, “Baby, listen when I’m talking to you,” and your head snaps towards him your friends don’t think it’s because he just made your eye twitch. They think it’s because he has you trained to be an obedient pup for him. He even goes as far as grabbing your chin when you turn to him to make a show of keeping your attention.

“Damn, Connie. I want a girl like yours.” You hear Jean speak, making a mix of agreements ring out of the males in the friend group. Connie has a smug smirk sitting on his face as if he really is the one running you. The boys hyping him up and the ones sitting with their girlfriends giving approving nods to the reaction he drew out of you.

None of them saw how your eyes slightly slanted, the corners of your mouth dropped from your small smile you were once wearing, nor how there was now a darkness swirling in your eyes. The same male that they were telling he was doing good with keeping his girl in line is the same male who just felt his heart skip two beats and a sweat breakout on the back of his neck. They didn’t know the smirk that was sitting on his face was to mask the nervousness that just overtook his whole body. He knew he just messed up badly and would be dealing with the consequences.

That’s why he is desperately apologizing now. His knees were sore, skin coated in a shiny sweat, and his cock was angry and dripping. “I’m sorry. I’m so-mmff”

“I didn’t tell you to speak.” You talk to him low as you push his head back to your pussy. Your fingers cupping his low cut head as you stood above him. You had been edging him since you left the hangout with the crew. You drove as you took him out his boxers and pumped him till he was close to cumming. You did that three times, denying the teary man his sweet release, leaving his dick twitching and throbbing. Connie was a whining mess in the passenger's seat with his hips bucking in the air every time you would take your hand off him so he could come down from the nut he almost had.

Now you’re here, both naked in the bedroom while you’re standing while his knees dig into the carpet with your juices running down his face. You made him place his hands around your thighs so he wouldn’t try to stroke his dick while he was being punished.

“I got to listen to you Connie? Are you the one in control of me?” You talk pouty to him as you hold him closer pushing your pussy in his mouth. All he can do is give “nggh uh” as an answer because he can’t talk. His response makes you scoff and let him go so you can push him to lay down on the floor. “I didn’t quite catch that.” Before he can even gather the brain to catch what you’re saying to him, you’re already lowering yourself to hover above his face. 

“You wanna taste more of my pussy, baby?” You tease him. The position gives him the perfect view of your slick drooling out your hole, your pretty clit, and the folds surrounding it. You’re so exposed and open that he can’t help but moan at the sight. You grab his face when you see he is too far gone, “listen when I’m talking to you.” You repeat his words from earlier. The same ones that got him in trouble.

“Please. Please. I’ll be so good. I won’t do it again.” He places his hands back on your thighs remembering how he would get in more trouble if he even accidentally touched his dick. He couldn’t take being edged again, even the air in the room was causing him to almost splatter himself in his cum. It doesn’t help that you haven’t given his throbbing cock any attention since you got out of the car. Then you go and put your pretty cunt in his mouth? Connie was a finger touch away from losing his mind.

“You’ll be good?” You mockingly whine at him. “Should have thought of that before you did that shit at the hangout. Now watch.” You keep hovering over his face as your fingers spread your folds open. Connie’s eyes are glued to your movements, watching with drool sliding past his pretty lips. He hadn’t even cleaned his face from before and the sight was making your pussy wet. The man that everyone listened to was laying on his back on your floor almost cross eyed in a pussy drunk haze. His eyes were glossed over and dick laying against his stomach leaving a pool of precum on it.

Taking your time, you inserted a finger in your wet cunt feeling your walls move as you pushed in and out. You moved in and out till your juices coated your finger. When you felt your finger had collected enough of yourself, you took it out. 

“Say ahhh.” Connie immediately opened his mouth and pushed your slicked up finger into his mouth. You would have thought Connie hadn’t tasted you in years from the way his eyes rolled back and the moan that buzzed around your finger. He was sucking on it like his life depending on it, like you hadn’t taken your cunt out his mouth a few minutes ago. “Stick your tongue and don’t move.” You finally lowered yourself to his face. Moving your hips back and forth you got a feel of the wet, pink muscle hanging between his lips and nose of his pretty nose. Connie loved when you fucked his face, but with his balls tightening at every inch you moved he couldn’t take it right now.

The whine he released was so high pitched anyone would have mistaken it for the sound of needing serious help. But really it was just the sound of a desperate, pussy dumb man almost busting because his girl is riding his face while he just lays there. His nails are digging into your thighs and you feel his grip tightening. You look over your shoulder and see his hips lifting off the floor fucking into the air. This drew a moan out of you. It didn’t matter how many times Connie landed himself in this position, it would never fail to make your cunt leak. “Let me use you real good, pup, then I’ll see about touching that needy dick of yours.” 

You were picking up pace on his face. Your juices leaving a trace of you every time you slid his tongue between your messy slit. When you reached your entrance you would circle your hips enjoying the feeling of the pressure you felt from the movement. Your high was getting close making you lower your top half almost laying down as you rubbed your cunt over the man’s face. Connie never wanted his dick in his hand so much. You were just using him as a pleasure machine and his brain was turning to mush knowing that you were feeling good.

It was when your cum spilled onto his awaiting that he started flicking his tongue instead of just holding still. He felt like a dehydrated dog needing to get every drop or he would die. He was working you through your high but he couldn’t put into words how it made his dick hurt even more when he finally got your sweet release. But this wasn’t for his enjoyment, he wasn’t being rewarded right now. With the source of his favorite nectar disappearing from his tongue and his hand being taken from your thighs, Connie felt tears fall from his eyes.

“No, no, no! Come back please! One more taste!” He couldn’t even properly enjoy the view of his vision trailing up your legs to your pretty cunt as you stood to full height over his laying down body. “Don’t forget that wasn’t for you Connie.” The buzz cut male licked at his lips trying to gather the rest of your essence to sooth the need to taste you more. If you would let him, he would stay between your legs all day everyday. “Now go sit against the headboard.” He scrambled to do as you said. His hard dick bouncing when he walked and chest rising and falling for how much he needed you.

You sat in front of him and placed him in your hand causing him to let out a hiss. “Act like you're running shit but you're about to cum and all I did was stroke your dick a few times.” He had his eyes squeezed shut trying his hardest not to let go. “Sorry.” He drug out the word doing his best not to fuck into your hand. Every nerve in his body begging for even the slightest amount of relief. 

“Who run this dick?” You ask as you cup his heavy balls. The whimper he releases causes  your pussy to start leaking again.

“You do, mami. It’s yours.” You lean and slowly swirl your tongue around his dripping tip. “Mmm fuck! Shit it’s yours! Please!” The twitching of his cock reminds you of how he made your eye twitch when he decided to show out earlier. It makes you laugh at how there is nothing powerful in his voice when he is in these four walls with you.

Removing him from your mouth, you place yourself right above his cock. You wrap your hand on the underside of it and start dragging him between your slit. Connnie throws his head back as his mouth drops open. His dick needed attention for so long and it is taking everything in him to not cum before you give him permission. He feels like his senses are heightened. Your thighs touching him, the way your breasts are pressing against his chest, the way the bottom of your feet are tucked underneath him as you sit so pretty on him. Fuck, you drive him crazy.

Halting you actions when you reach your wet hole, you circle his tip at your entrance. “You think you deserve to be in this pussy?” His head lifts so quick it’s comical how he can’t get his words out quick enough.

“Mami, please! I do! I do- Fucckk!” His hands snap to your hips as you slide down on his dick in the middle of him answering. He’s panting from how good you feel, promising he’s hearing bells from getting to finally being in the slick, warmth of your walls. His arms wrap around you so he can bury his face in the crook of your neck to hide how loud he just got. “Don’t move, yet. Please, I don't want to cum so quick.” This causes you to coo at him.

“My pathetic little slut can’t handle being inside of me? And you want to go around acting like you got me under control.” You pick up pace not caring how sensitive he was. You were bouncing on his throbbing member causing Connie to let out porn worthy moans. His mouth hung open and arms holding onto you as his mind start flashing different colors, not a single thought there except his dick was being fucked by your wet pussy. “You gonna cum for me slut? I can feel you inside of me.” Connie only lets out a string of whimpers and whines which makes you pull his head back. “Use your words.”

“Y-yes. Gonna fill you u-up so well.” He barely gets out his sentence. He’s leaning back and planting his feet so he can fuck up into you. His rhythm is nonexistent and he’s not in control of how hips are bucking. His body is moving on its own to chase the pleasure that you are finally gifting him. “G-gonna cum, mami.” When he says that, you reach behind you and toy with his balls. The stimulation causes him to thrust deep into you from below and empty every drop of his long awaited high into you. His eyes closed so tight he sees white, voice whiny and no real words escaping from his lips just sounds of ecstasy. You run your hand over his hand helping him through it all knowing how long he waited for it. This is the man you knew. The man who is crying into your chest because he is so pussy dumb that he can’t think straight. The man who can cum just from licking your clit. Connie’s voice never had a single hint of commandment when he was alone with you. It was too busy whining for even the slightest amount of attention you gave his needy body.

Thoughts of a Slutty Virgin - 🧚🏽‍♀️

Ommgg!! I'm such a sub so it was so fun to try to write as a dom! I didn't even have anything to trigger dom thoughts so this was like so fun to write. It might not be great but Imma love it cuz it was a nice challenge for me

ENJOY!

Pixie's Masterlist

Wanna join taglist?

Taglist: @444ghosty @un-lawliet @witchbybirth @tophamhat-kyo @nobianna

[pianokantzart]

My take so far on Luigi's Mansion 3 (just beat the security guard ghost)

I can easily see why the file size for Luigi's Mansion 3 is twice that of Luigi's Mansion 2. The details and animation quality of the characters and scenery live up to the hype. No surprise at all it won an award for its animation.

Whoever suggested making half the props vacuumable/destroyable needs a raise. Whoever suggested Luigi be able to body-slam ghosts into those props (as well as other ghosts) needs a raise too. While in LM2 you feel like you're only able to slightly jostle things around you, in LM3 it feels like you're in complete control of your surroundings. While that makes for a less creepy and claustrophobic atmosphere, the game makes up for it by just how much fun it is to screw with everything in your search for money and gemstones.

On a related note, one of my favorite elements of this game so far is the set design. I've barely scratched the surface and there's already so much stuff I could spend all day looking through. (I especially love all the ghost/boo merch on the mall floor.)

I know there is absolutely no chance of Nintendo releasing files of all the different little objects they have laying around in this game, but I would like to know just the sheer number of things the animators had to model.

The one real complaint I have about this game is how hand-holdy it is compared to Luigi's Mansion 2. Not only does E. Gadd keep reminding you what your objective is if you spend too much time exploring (at least in the beginning), he'll get overly-aggressive with his hints. I was wandering around trying to figure out how to open the door to the barber shop (my brain had latched onto the idea that the solution had something to do with getting Gooigi through the overhead vents), and then E. Gadd called in like "Did you already forget your training??? Don't forget you and Gooigi can both vacuum at the same time!" and it completely gave away the answer to the puzzle. I knew then that I had to look for something vaguely fan-shaped and sure enough, there were the two flowers on the sign of the barber shop.

I know I'm not great at puzzles, but I would've felt better having to google it and feel stupid then have the game all but call me dumb to my face.

Luigi's Mansion 3 an interesting balance of being both more ambitious in everything it does and accomplishes, while at the same time feeling like it's aimed at a younger audience than Luigi's Mansion 2. But the combat's still fun, the mechanics feel great, and even though the atmosphere isn't all that spooky compared to 1 & 2 it definitely has atmosphere in spades!

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Adhd Sanzu propaganda because I want to, I already convinced someone:

He's a chaotic gremlin (Not need to explain that).

Same way that happened with Kakucho and Izana. Sanzu's days and life revolve around Mikey (I don't think I need to put examples here). Mikey is Sanzu's special interest and I'm saying it without shame! (Maybe a little bit of shame only)

Sanzu doesn't have sociallization skills. At all. But in a specific way that gives me adhd vibes (putting the trauma a part). Sanzu as a kid is sweet but weird. We can see him not reacting to Baji's tantrums in a way that yeah, can be bc he's used to, but also, his focus is not there. He's awkward in a way that makes me think that he's used to not fit in, to be look as a weirdo every time he talks. So he does the "I'm not gonna talk at all because when I do people hates me". Then, as a teen no division wants him because he's "a wild horse". Excuse me? Have you seen half of Toman? It's because he's weird and doesn't fit in, the wild part would not bother them so much on it's own.

Sanzu doesn't have a middle point. He's always extreme. When he followed Muto became extremly quiet and calm, almost like a shadow (again, it could be literal thinking of the orders Muto gave him).

His weird poses once he's not hiding himself anymore. All the Bonten scene, he's just doing his show, talking too much, too loud and too fast.

All the energy he have also in Kanto Manji. He's so hyped with being with Mikey. Acting loud, being weird and saying things that are only funny in his head bc he forgot to explain the joke (besides the cryptic timeleaping things I mean).

I know in Bonten and Kanto Manji Sanzu is unhinged, but there is something in the way he does it, not caring at all if people gets him or not. It screams adhd "fuck you all i'm not masking anymore" mood so badly!

The katana. The freaking katana is so over the top and so dramatic. And he obviously cares about his katana a lot, he never drops it in the fight against Toman, not even when Taiju sends him flying.

The teatricals of his plans in general. He kills Mucho with a katana in the place where the Kanto Incident took place. And he takes his mask after doing it. Such dramatic and aesthetically pleasing way of killing people.

The train. Hello? This is not NT thinking. Killing everyone, okay, sure. But with a train? What? And he brings his katana just in case? No middle point legendary level here.

He plans chaos. He literally thinks for days how to do the most random and chaotic unhinged thing ever! (The train, the train!)

He have literal thinking. Mikey told him to "smile" so he does it once he's finally serving his king. A big grinn all the time.

His addiction. Since adhd brains don't have impulse control, we tend to be addicts more than the average (I know this part doesn't prove it but it checks too).

The way he have so much beef with people that is happening only in his head. Yeah, he's a hater. But also, I can see a lot of rejection sensitive dysphoria and overthinking because he's mind is telling him everyone would reject him.

He was childhood friends with Mikey and Baji. No one is neurotypical there xD

Visual stimulation. Bright pink and so many vivid/strident colors. C'mon, his bike is pink and pretty! That aesthetic makes my adhdbrain happy. He's obsessed with pink in a not at all NT way.

He's hypersensitive and can't handle some smells (Takemichi, I'm so sorry for you).

Twisted sense of danger over here too. But different than Kakucho. Where Kakucho runs towards danger, Sanzu is the one causing it directly.

Sanzu being banned from meetings in the final timeline. Because he doesn't know when to shut up since he never did masking here.

THE UNMASKING METAPHOR! I left this one for the last because I just realized yesterday and it's beautiful. When he enters the 5th Division, he stops being loud and wild (he's still weird bc Sanzu). The same moment he starts wearing the mask. There is something there, a ND teen who doesn't fit, who is tired and just want to be like the others, being told to "just do that for not driving so much attention on you". And he does it. He wears the physical mask and he starts acting different, doing masking (not literal this time). Until he frees himself of the physical mask. And he stops masking his symptoms, his full personality. He doesn't give a shit anymore about getting too much attention, he's so sick of hiding, that he thrieves in attention now (even in the final timeline does that, he's a youtuber). Unmasking legendary level! (And hardcore masking when he does it)

Edit bc I was sure I wrote this but apparently not: Sanzu has no interest in forming new relationships either. Like Kakucho with Izana, he only does with Mucho because Mikey told him to. But even if he has zero interest in forming new bonds, he's still the center of attention (after unmasking), still being there loudly, being a big part of what marks the dynamic of the group. The "I don't wanna make new friends" but "I can't stop talking and being loud in a group", also a classical adhd mood!

So... I think that's all I can't think for now. It's probably messy and chaotic but hey, it's a post about adhd, so that's fine, right? ����

@just-sp-in-inginthevoid spreading adhd!Sanzu like I promise.

Ps: here is the Autistic Kakucho Propaganda in case someone is curious. This two are a pack and they hate it so much 🤣

[respectthepetty]

Yooooooooo, your theory of Playboyy as an Only Friends AU is absolutely brilliant!

Your brain just, holy fuck, wow!

If you're hitching a ride, can I hop on this theory train with you?

Because if so, I'm dropping the following baggage:

First and Soong as Ray and Sand

I mean... let's take a look at the list...

- rich kid thinking money can buy anything and everything, check

- rich kid finds a partner he pays first and then starts a fwb, check

- first there is the issue of mutual exploitation before it becomes more; we can't quite say yet, so we'll leave that open, but the signs are pointing to check.

- then the issue with addiction (with Ray alcohol and drugs, with First sex)... yep. Check.

I am not connecting anything rn because we also just had an EP Playboyy, but holy CRAP... there really could be something to your theory.

(Yes, we have more couples than in OF but seriously, if the writers had crammed all the stuff that's supposed to happen into 8 characters... Good night, I think the thing would have exploded0.0)

Anon, it's not my brain. @lukaherehelp has been hyping up this show since Earth was created, and the writer, Den, stated in a few tweets that Only Friends and Playboyy were basically the radio edit versus the album version but as television shows. One was Disney channel and the other was Cinemax.

Between the two, I already like that unlike Mew, who was shown to view his virginity as a prize to be won, Zouey seems more touch averse, which could also connect with a desire to remain in control. As a self-identified slut, it makes sense to me that he would be more open to giving than receiving, so he could remain in control of the situation. But I really don't want to compare hotdogs to hamburgers.

However, know that I also see Ray and Sand in First and Soong, and I also wanted Sand to be a sex worker in Only Friends much like I wanted Top to be.

I had theories for days for Only Friends! I wanted sex workers. I wanted a dead body. I wanted police involvement. I wanted the poor stealing from the rich.

I WANTED IT ALL!

And I just might get it in Playboyy.

First calls Soong a "whore" when?

[m1ckeyb3rry]

FR it’s actually crazy where are the itoshi non enjoyers at…im crying is your latest reblog also in ref to him bc if so you’re so real

REAL the lives are all connected the multiverse just is like that yk (pause yuki protag and he regains his past memories that kinda cooks) LMAOO because he would be so hyped like “oh yeah im that man the super cool ninja ladies love me fish (idk what equivalent would go here) fear me”

SIBLING GOALS PLEASEEEE LMFAOO king of kalos yuki…its giving insane aura

No because im just hella paranoid LMAO fortunately tumblr seems a lot chiller than other platforms but SHSJSB THANK YOUUU even a a tumbler inactive acc I’ll be the number one Mira defender o7 call me Oliver aiku the way I defend LMAOO ok Twitter is actually insane like INSANE insane I fr only use it because some official accounts like to update there and there’s also some really nice art there but other than that absolutely 0 interacting because that’s like reddits younger sibling

LMFAO no actually Nagiy/n just gatekeeping the love sorry only room for one couple!!! /j but so real it adds depth to the whole world if people don’t get that they can leave!! IM CRYING nagi outing Reo like that is so funny

It’s like Isagis the angel and aikus the devil of the little consciousnesses consultants (bro what are they referred as ykwim like when they pop up on your shoulders) LMFAOAOAOAIAH THE BIKE LINE IM CRYINGGFGG stop that bright back so many memories I can’t

Your brain working so hard it’s foreshadowing for you LMAOO before I even read I was already thinking “I bet he’d be annoying af but eventually their daughter warms up to bug boy and they fall in love” HAHA wait why is he lowk giving igaguri vibes though….like not for igaguri to be inserted in as him but just purely on a vibe comparison standpoint….(grandfather nagi he alr acts like one NOW /j)

I was fr laughing so hard imagining that like it’s a classic poorly drawn picture done from like five colors of crayon but because of Barou gyarados and defeated Mr Mikage it’s almost 75% red LMFAO THE TEACHER PLAYING CPS IS CRAZY and she finds out like “wait your the former champions kid??????” OOOOH OMG no wait they have their son and readers like “omg he reminds me sm of my cousin…maybe this is a sign he’s always with me” BYE I started at new kiyora so long I forgot what s1 kiyora looked like LMAOO I see the vision!! It’s even funnier when you think about how Nagi and kiyora beef with each other now LOL

AHAHAA guys so im actually reader like ACTUALLY now /j this’ll be a very immersive read but LMAO on the flip side imagine reader also just trying to catch some random pokemon and for whatever reason she’s separated and just not with her own pokemon (idk maybe she’s setting up their campsite so everyone left to gather supplies or train or whatever so she’s just alone with all their traveling stuff) and some pokemon pops up that she wants so she just eats through Karasu’s entire quick ball stash and eventually catches it on like the last ball and Karasu comes back like “BRO WTF” LMAOA ok but another tally for a Karasu L HAHA first it was hioris ducklett now it’s the quick balls (maybe yayoi made fun of him before in a sibling way like this is why I’m gym leader not you cuz you suck)

AHAHA dumbass x dumbass power of friendship imagine his abomasnow also has a bunch of moves that inflict confusion on itself LMAOO or it’s just general super susceptible to anything that might inflict that status because it’s already confused 24/7 but WAITTTT this should just be a real series atp THE OVAS fr just have an entire expansion of the verse we all cheered if you have the time/motivation PLEASE MAKE THE OVAS wait this is Lowk becoming orv orv also has side stories (i haven’t read them oops) wait im laughing imagine hiori in a full safari zone fit BUT why not combine both ideas…hioris pokemon have a dispute INSIDE the safari zone LMAOO maybe he goes in to settle a dispute in there and while he does that his pokemon have to wait outside to which they start throwing hands (probably swanna starting it like we should go in and look after him and protect him from the pokemon inside or sth and they can’t figure out who they should send in to follow since a full team of 6 is too inconspicuous and then that just spirals into plain old fighting) WAIT I WANT A TABIEITA DUMBASS EPISODE does this warrant another notion folder (idk how notion works so I hope ykwim)

BAROU VERSION IN THW WORKS WOOHOOOO YES NIKO INTRO homeboy Niko coming in clutch, as aiku would say LMAO

HSGDJSS guys why’d she phrase that like peregrine and hollyhock are already dead….guys??? Ok but it’s ok someday I trust it’ll come into existence!! Speaking of did you end up deciding what you’re doing for the event?

Barou would truly appreciate the graphics “thanks for honoring my death maybe you’re not a donkey” LMFAOOEO sorry I’m having too much fun with this au and I’m not even the one writing it

BLLKS2 TRAILER!!! YES I DAW bruh the up close and personal screen of shirtless sae sends me but LOWK THE CHARACTERS LOOK PRETTY GOOD FOR THE MOST PART?? Omg Karasu our man got his justice!!! I agree I love how he looks!! Glow up from some of his initial manga panels LMAO I’ll admit the cgi somehow looks even more cgid (specifically the zoom in on Isagis feet with hiori in the back) and some animation sections feel very screenshot additional time-esque but WHATEVER (they also looked really oiled up in that one top6 shot like why are they sparkling like that) like you said s1 wasn’t unwatchable but some parts of the trailer feel even choppier, specifically with the lip syncing? Like when Nanase talks and when Rin and Shidou are beefing it’s giving like Pac-Man ass mouth but I’ll live with it the Karasu moments are saving me (the last shot of otoya in the trailer where he’s staring into our souls has me rolling though he kinda looks like he’s ON something but it’s ok) WE’LL LIVE

STOP NOT THE YOTD NAME DROP IM CRYING but FR!!! At least we have content and I bet for panels it really matters it’ll look fire! The way they did otoyas aura was kinda cool too!! But THATS WHAT IM SAYING where’s all the money they’re raking in going?? Like what….i kinda wish they’d splurge and go with a bigger studio but maybe they’re contractually bound to eightbit ugh but im sooo excited for s2!!!!! Maybe after this s2 they’ll finally put their eightbitussy into it

Im still kinda losing it over the fact that it’s 14 eps though? I’ve seen some people speculating saying maybe they’re doing another two cour division and it’s just for cour 1 but we’ll see….if it’s just 14 eps of super crunchy quality I won’t be as ecstatic though LOL but I think there’s also a chance they’ll refine it before release? Because actually the end credits scene for epinagi got refined in the Amazon prime release iirc so they gave Karasu and hiori a glow up (that locker room scene) and they look a lot less crunchy so manifesting…

- Karasu anon

YESSS IT WAS ABOUT SAE DHKSDKSJS i’d drop a piano on him in every life 🥲🙂‍↕️ nah because the itoshis occupy the same space as nanami jjk in my mind like i can see where the appeal comes from but they need to be humbled so i must hate

pursuit otoya def has a hat (he probably got it from karasu let’s be real) that just says “women want me magikarp fear me” but then reader’s magikarp loves him and no women want him thereby proving the hat completely wrong 😭

nah because king of kalos yuki…i need him tbh…he’s another one (kinda like reader when she retires) where he had to give up battling for personal issues so nobody’s ever beaten him in an ACTUAL league battle either 🤩 like lowkey bro could’ve been champion too the world will never know!! so he def commands insane respect (makes tabieita slandering him even funnier like do y’all know who you’re talking to rn)

all of my mutuals post relevant twitter screenshots so i get it secondhand HAHA avoiding the bad and receiving the good 😏 agreed it has mega reddit vibes for sure i’m scared of it…PLS you are the aiku of this verse we love to see it

imagine nagiy/n dueling tullireo “this town ain’t big enough for the two of us” FJSKDJJS real talk though i agree when a story is this long it’s impossible not to have background dynamics going on!! it adds to the fun anyways people who don’t get it just will have to miss out ig!! PLSS nagi has 0 chill he does not gaf he’ll out anyone…imagine reader asks reo for recommendations afterwards or smth LMAOOO he’s like how did you know you don’t even have any psychic types and she’s like uhhh my aegislash?? which is technically correct but from then on reo is super paranoid around aegislash because thinks it can read his mind 😭

HAHAHA wait shoulder angel/shoulder devil isagi/aiku goes so hard (consciousness consultants is cracking me up) their dynamic is so funny…wait this means aiku HAS to know barou in the past ☝🏻 maybe since he’s the one who gives reader her keystone after seeing her houndoom with its houndoominite he’s like “i knew this asshole with a houndoom who also had houndoominite what a coincidence” and reader’s like “not really that’s barou we’re related” and aiku’s like???

okay lowkey i was thinking niko but igaguri fits so well i’m crying 😭 pursuit sequel where it’s an igaguri x reader and we’re nagiy/n’s daughter real and true (new it trio reader + igaguri + kurona) /j ofc HAHAH but fr i think it would be so cute imagine her bringing him to meet nagi and reader and reader’s just like “i’m so proud of you for continuing the ‘dating losers’ trend in the family” and nagi’s like “yup 👍” because he’s accepted he’s a loser atp LMAOO omg nagi would def be that grandfather that lets you get away with whatever when he’s babysitting you and gives you like caramel candies or smth KFCJSJKS PLSS him sitting on a porch in an ugly ass sweater (from when reader or reo attempted knitting and used him as a guinea pig) in a rocking chair with tea i’m crying

sometimes a family is a man, his wife, his best friend’s father who his wife destroyed in battle, his wife’s vaguely homicidal hellhound, and his wife’s cousin watching over them disapprovingly from heaven 🥹❤️ i hope you like mr mikage’s mustache and barou’s hair i worked hard on them /j LMAOAAOAOO anyways i was crying making this i hope you appreciate it (also the ribbon on houndoom is because her mega stone is tied on her neck with a ribbon by barou when he gives her to reader but obviously nagiy/n’s child exaggerates things and yassifies houndoom to the max…the teacher pulls up expecting some cute weak little puppy pokémon and is met with THE houndoom who killed the leader of team x himself i bet she pisses her pants)

HAHAHA I LOVEEE GIVING KARASU L’S he truly cannot win…okay wait that’s so pokémon anime coded her using all of karasu’s quick balls to catch her phanpy and karasu comes back and is like um?? so he makes reader repay him but she doesn’t have that much money and she has to go around battling random people for enough cash and that’s how she gets to know phanpy LFJDJSJFH karasu’s gentle parenting at its finest he’s like “i hope you learned an important lesson today 😐” and she’s like “yeah apparently my phanpy knows rollout 😄” karasu just gives up atp 😭

ZANTETSU WITH A PERPETUALLY CONFUSED ABOMASNOW IS SOOO FUNNY TO ME AND SO CANON!! lowkey the side stories would be so fun especially because we could show more characters like zantetsu who don’t appear in the main story…maybe yuki taking his pokémon to aryu to get groomed or smth 🤔 PLSS THE HIORI IDEA I’M CACKLING 😭 imagine the tabieita ova is just otoya trying to teach karasu how to rizz girls up but he keeps getting rejected so karasu’s like bro you suck let me try and he gets a date on the first try FHDJDJSJ omg or we could have one of yayoi and karasu as kids…i had an idea for an otoya one but tumblr deleted half of my response for some reason?? like i had literally responded to your ENTIRE ask and just went to look something up and when i came back tumblr was like lol fuck you redo the entire thing 😰 WAIT possibly the same otoya one or maybe a diff one but just an ova of him being a chris prince stan and trying to follow the chris prince regimen ™️ but his muscles give out and his pokémon are like HELL NO or it’s like him just buying chris prince merch for an entire chapter 😭 or a tullia and loki ova when they go on a date and it’s just tullia being like “huh i wonder what reo’s doing rn…hold on why do i gaf…” (sneaking in the tullireo agenda as always) LMAOAOA NO FR i never read the side stories either but this is literally orv pokémon edition like maybe we WILL reach that 1.5 million word count /hj

AIKU IS VILLAINOUS IN THE BAROU VERSION HE’S SLANDERING EVERYONEEE so far lorenzo, barou, and niko have caught strays his inner monologue is cracking me up though 😭 fr homeboy niko ALWAYS comes through for the gang we love him!! aiku would be nothing without him

NOOO THEY’RE NOT DEAD DEAD i’m just pursuit brain rotted so once i get more of the oaeu and requests out i’m going to work on that for a while!! HAHA dw i’m having sm fun with it too it’s such an entertaining au with so many possibilities!! PLEASEEE barou’s like ok i guess it’s acceptable because it’s aesthetic you get a pass this time 😒

SADLY NOOO NO IDEAS YET actually ykw a pokémon theme would be really fun and in character atm!! i’d have to think of how to go about it but that is def one option (it’s coming up too AHH so i have to get to cooking for real!!)

agreed it’s not as awful as people are making it out to be!! a lot of the trailer was still frames too so it just looks choppier because it’s not an entire scene in motion yk…the budget is apparently higher than s1 so i doubt it’ll be worse than s1 if anything it’ll just be the same!! AND KARASU LOOKED SOOO GOOD THEY DID HIM JUSTICE i can’t wait to see him in action…i will forever mourn the thought of him with jet black hair and pretty violet eyes though 😩 purple/black karasu you will live on in our memories/99% of fanarts + colorings 😭 i feel like the blue falls a bit flat like he’s kind of just giving “isagi’s sexy cousin” atm HAHAHAHA but it’s all good he’s fine either way!! tbh yk me i’m just waiting for s2 for the edits anyways and if editors can make fire stuff out of manga panels they’ll def cook with whatever the anime gives us!!

speaking of edits do you know those tik tok sounds with the usa eagle screech i NEED people to start editing karasu with it because yk bird LMAOAAOOA JUST IMAGINEEE i don’t think he gets a bird aura panel until NEL (this is what i went to look up when tumblr glitched out for you to get a sense of how far i got) but i am investing i need people to get to WORK idk how no one has seen the vision yet!!

hmm i think if it’s only 14 eps they’ll definitely either go crazy or they’ll do two cours 🤔 tbh more content is more content i’m just hype to see my boys back on screen 🤩 the animators always yassify nagi so i’m chilling because there’s a high chance he’ll look good for the most part JFKSK i’m worried they might mess up barou because they seem to be allergic to him slaying but i still have faith!! ACTUALLY YKW i’m waiting for everyone to crawl out of the woodwork remembering how much they like nagi once they’re reminded of how cool he is…like NUH UH go back to the kaiser glazing hole you scrabbled out of leave nagi ALONE i have been here through everyone slandering him he’s MINEEEEEEEE (insert wolf ripping its shirt open meme) /j

anyways if it seems like i missed anything i’m sorry tumblr hates me so i probably thought i responded and didn’t LMAOAOA i think my og response was more fleshed out but alas…😓💔

[uselessheretic]

i feel like every other month i'm tapping the morally motivated networked harassment but i guess one more time for the people in the back

you can read the paper here!

it's not an easy habit to break, but people in fandom have got to get out of this mentality of justifying their behavior through thinking they're on a moral crusade or whatever. there is no reason in the world to verbally abuse a black fan with racialized comments in response to me saying a white person is stepping out of their lane and doesn't know what they're talking about. even if you disagree with me, the mere act of challenging a white fan's knowledge on antiracism where you can go back and check the original reply where not once did i name call, and to have someone reply saying i want to be the head negro of izzy fans and that i'm trying to do a jig for white attention with the implication that i'm an uncle tom for what? disagreeing with a white fan?

and then to have white fans reblog those comments and laugh while simultaneously saying they're listening and learning (but also why r u so mean to me uwu) like that's insane.

it's how the internet works, where we are trained online to dehumanize and abuse others. but god i wish people would use their brains and consider the context for when they think a line has been crossed for the acceptable time to get a pass on reblogging slurs. where it's worth interrogating the way people view others as losing their humanity over internet arguments.

it's just like funny at this point. how many ways can fandom find an excuse to abuse poc while making it out to be a moral necessity? what does it say about the way we engage with critique where our first response is to look to the nearest discord or group chat for validation? where we start out from a place of reifying group dynamics, and dehumanizing the other person. where even if someone concedes that the person has a point, it's incidental to the fact that they are already an enemy combatant who's threatening the safety of [insert something or someone agreed to need protection.] and it's all memes and jokes, hyping each others takes up and building off of one another, reminding everybody that you can't come for someone without coming for an entire group. like it's just... so fucking dumb??

and i guess that's the cue for "i'm doing this for my friends of color!" because even criticism of a white ally becomes synonymous with a racist attack.

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

[bouquins]

love at first check: a tale (pt. five)

finally, an update!

I | II | III | IV

It is safe to say I never once imagined that I would one day escort one of the most recognizable figures in American sports to an outdoors chess club in Baltimore a scant few days before said astronomically famous man was scheduled to play against longtime franchise rivals at their home turf. Yet, here I am, scurrying through downtown Baltimore to attend the early morning iteration of an outdoors-only chess club, right outside War Memorial Plaza, with a hulking man beside me hellbent on checkmating a king or two. Only a few weeks ago I had told him about a few chess hotspots in town, and he jumped at the chance to attend one before his own much more physically demanding match later.  

As we scan across the plaza to find the club, I look back on how I came to this peculiar junction. Joe and I, after much earnest exhortations on his part and hesitations on mine, finally managed to create an itinerary he could squeeze in among his professional obligations. In between Joe's questions on why Baltimore loves flamingos or comments on how the Ravens should be the Crabs, and even advice from Alice on how to dress to impress, I somehow managed to keep my cool even when the MARC train left D.C. and pulled into Baltimore that sunny October afternoon. It wasn’t hard to spot Joe at the station; although he wasn’t dressed as flamboyantly as his earlier public appearances, being the tallest and bulkiest person in the vestibule made him stick out like a sore thumb as I saw him pace on the tiles, waiting for me to arrive. Any sense of calm I tried to cultivate was destroyed the moment he made eye contact. His intense gaze towards the arrival clock at once transformed into a soft smile once he became aware of my presence.  

“Hey, you! I thought I’d pace a hole in the floor before you got here,” Joe joked and motioned to hug me. I melted into his chest as he squeezed my back. “I finally met the chess queen in person,” he said into my ear, and the rumble of his voice made me look up into his eyes and smile.  

“Well, maybe if the train got delayed for an hour or two, then maybe you’d make some headway.” Joe met my gaze and laughed. The chuckles made my nerves fade, but the air was still full of tension. I couldn’t help recognizing it as the same friction one feels on a first date-nervous, yet hopeful, and hoping neither one shows a bad hand.  

Wait—a date?  

Alice would be happy to hear that her insistence that this occasion ought to be considered a date had finally wormed its way into my brain.  Now the mere friendliness we had just shown each other had taken a more romantic tinge: was Joe’s smile only a smile, or did I see him lick his lips in anticipation? Was his gaze filled with longing?  

Joe broke my musings when he asked, “So, where’s the chess haven you’ve been hyping?”  He still held me, and I was distracted by his hands which still caressed my back. I felt my face redden when I finally remembered we were still standing in the middle of a train station. “Oh, it’s the War Memorial Plaza just up the way—we can just walk up there if you don’t mind some walking.”

“It’ll be the easiest exercise I’ll have all weekend—of course I don’t mind!” Joe gave my back one last pat before releasing me and followed me to the exit. I was about to open the door myself when he grabbed it before I had a chance, giving his best impression of a doorman.  

“After you,” he said with an exaggerated bow. I couldn’t help but giggle when I curtsied back.

Not a bad start at all, I think as we leave the train station and start our pilgrimage to the War Memorial Plaza. Not bad at all.

_______________________

“If I get beat up by a bunch of Ravens fans, I’m definitely going to blame you,” Joe mutters as we reach the center of the plaza, already bedecked with upright folded chairs and portable chess sets warming in the sun.

“Well, you not wearing Cartier helps you blend in,” I say as I elbow Joe in the side as we approach the group clustered towards the plaza’s center. As we search for an open table to play, a familiar voice calls my name just behind me. Joe and I turn around to find tall, lanky man wearing a Carhartt beanie and oversized glasses approaching us and narrowing his eyes toward Joe in curiosity.

“Hey, Keevy—uh, and guest—glad to see you could join us!” The man offers his hand to Joe, and they shake hands before I formally introduce my friend.

“Hey Eli, this is Joe—he's visiting from Cincinnati for the weekend. We met playing chess online, so I’m just showing him around town.” I gaze up at Joe, and he looks down at me with a soft smile and gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Joe, Eli runs the chess club!”

“It's always great to see new faces out here—I hope Keevy won’t give you too much of a hard time!” Eli nudges Joe in the ribs. Joe frowns down at Eli in confusion and I can’t help but snicker a little.

“Anyway,” Eli continues, completely ignoring the look of annoyance on Joe’s face, “you two have fun!” Eli turns on his heel and walks off to a pair sitting near the limestone horse statue, overlooking their moves.  

Joe and I look at each other and I give a small shrug. “Time to play some chess, I guess.”

[alexbkrieger13]

I didn’t realize Kuhl is 21 now until the anon mentioned it. Anyways, agree with the anon…being a training squad club player who doesn’t get actual game time doesn’t warrant a NT call-up. The exception is if she was an elite player coming off an injury.

She’s fortunate 🇩🇰 doesn’t seem to have too many midfield options and to some extent her hype is still there. At the moment though, it’s Snerle who is cementing her place in the 🇩🇰 starting lineup whereas Kuhl is cementing her place on the bench. She and her management team need to make better footballing decisions. Get her out of Arsenal! They’ve already wasted two years of valuable development time for her.

yea I thought she was 19. Had to Google to check with my brain couldn't compute that she was a year younger than me. Yea my opinion when it comes to younger players they should be at a team for at least the first few years of their 20s where they're going to be getting a significant amount of minutes. It's not always going to be the best team but if they're getting significant minutes it's one of those things where you're getting experience