#but more importantly i am pretty sad that it is the most well known shining force manga

[claire-starsword]

Authentic Story of the Shining Force - Saint Fencer Max - Chapter 6

Translation notes:

I got nothing, this is a very straightforward ending. I did retranslate the game's ending though, if you want to look at it.

[rendy-a]

Pretty late but congrats on the follower milestone! Hope you reach an even higher goal 🫶🫶

If you are still taking in the event requests then may i please request for a Floyd and Riddle rivalry in asking for a dance? Their interactions are pretty funny ingame so i thought it'd be interesting lol

Well, I'm not entirely happy with this but I've sat on it long enough so...I'm just sending it out! It ended up being far more about Floyd mischievously setting Riddle up with a date but I guess that's close enough!

“How dare you,” Riddle asks in a low and menacing voice.  Most people would find the severe slant of Riddle’s eyebrows, scowling expression and deep red flush to be signs of danger but Floyd only seemed further entranced by his anger.  Floyd’s eyes were blown wide with excitement as he spread his sharp teeth into an even wider grin.  “Speak up, Goldfishie,” Floyd drawls, “I can’t hear you from way down there.”  Riddle’s face screws up as he choaks down his words.  Under normal circumstances, you’d expect to hear the call for a collar come from his mouth but tonight was different.

Days prior, Crowley addressed the gathered assembly of Night Raven students to remind them of the importance of the upcoming Goodwill Dance.  “Nothing will reflect more upon you than your conduct among your peers at this dance.  More importantly, nothing will reflect more upon me.  So, that means you’ll watch your manners!”  Now, Crowley looks forlornly at his hands as thought overcome with sorrow.  “Ah, my poor reputation.  Tarnished by unscrupulous young persons!”  He wasn’t wrong.  The students of Night Raven had been known as troublemakers for good reason.  They delighted in causing mischief to their rival academy Royal Sword and were not selective about how they did it. 

A number of pranks and questionable deeds had already befallen the princely students of RSA.  The last one, a spectacle that resulted in a certain mer prince’s shining red hair being ‘accidentally’ dyed a shockingly bright purple, Crowley had gathered the wayward students of NRC to lay down the law.  “You’ve made trouble with our illustrious neighbor and, what’s worse, got caught!”  Several students snicker in their seats, understanding the clear message.  “In case I am not being heard, there will be no other instances of trouble until this Goodwill Dance concludes…OR ELSE!”   While most students took Crowely’s warning as a mere suggestion to be cleaver with their pranks, one took it as absolute law, for the rules are the rules.

Riddle clenched and unclenched his hands again to try to relieve his anger that the headmaster’s rule had made it impossible for him to vent.  And, oh, did Floyd know it.   He’d delighted in testing just how far he could push the red-haired dorm leader without having him boil over.  It was almost funny until you got dragged into the mix.  “Say, Goldfishie, are you going to ask the Prefect to the dance?  If you aren’t fast enough, I’ll steal them away from you and you’ll end up sad and alone.  Aha ha.”  You’d looked at Floyd in wide eyed shock at the statement before both you and Riddle had broken into sputtering.  “Wha..what are you saying, Floyd?” you stammered.  “Tha…that is a serious breach of etiquette!” shouted Riddle at the same time.  Your reactions had given the eel a certain amount of entertainment and he’d chosen to keep prodding Riddle about it all week long. 

You avoided both Floyd and Riddle as much as you could for the rest of the time leading up to the dance.  It’s not that you were angry like Riddle, it was just that Floyd had hit a nerve.  Perhaps it was silly after being isekai’d into a new world, but you’d still felt hopeful that you’d be asked to the dance.  After Floyd made a scene in the hallway like that, all over school, students were placing bets on who’d ask you to the dance; Floyd or Riddle.  Only, you were pretty sure that neither one planned to actually ask you, which threw a wrench in your plans.  The reputation of your fearsome suitors was enough to ward away other students; the rumored love-triangle robbing you of other options.  You’d been feeling really down about it too.  Unfortunately, the only one you had to complain to was Grim.  And complain you did.  Frequently.  Surprisingly, your furry partner actually seemed to listen.

“Hey, Riddle!” Grim demanded with his hands on his furry hips, “What did you do to my minion?”  The Teapot Tyrant let out a startled gasp and peered over the table in the library at the direbeast.  “Keep it down, this is a library!” shushed Riddle as sternly as he was able to in library volume, “Now, what is it that you want with me?”  Grim points accusingly up at the dorm leader, “They’ve been upset all week, grumbling and complaining about that stupid dance.  It’s interrupting my dinner.  My DINNER!”  With one final scowl, he accuses Riddle, “You’ve stolen the Prefect’s chance to get a date to the dance and now you have to make it up to them so I can eat my tuna in peace!” 

Riddle quietly assesses the situation, “The Prefect is upset over the dance?  And I’ve…stolen their chance to get a date?”  Grim doesn’t reply, merely crosses his arms and glares up at the red-haired boy.  “So…so you are saying that I should take the Prefect to the dance?” Riddle asks?  Then he flushes as he thinks it over, “Me and the Prefect, at the dance together?”  Finally, he tilts his head at a haughty angle and offers Grim a prim stare.  “Well, I suppose I’ll have to then.  Not!  Not because I want to!  But!  But I have to!”  With another deep flush coming over his cheeks, he pouts and declares, “According to Rule Number 53, anything stolen must be returned.  If I’ve stolen the Prefect’s chance to have an escort to the dance, then I must return it.” 

As much as Riddle tried, he was unable to avoid Floyd and find time to ask the Prefect to the dance.  As the day of the dance dawned, Riddle decided that it was just as appropriate to ask the Prefect AT the dance rather than before.  Yet, here was an obstacle, a 191 cm eel determined to stand in his way.  “I don’t have time to play with you now, Floyd,” Riddle hissed up at the smiling mer, “I only have until the end of the dance to make things right with the Prefect!”  Floyd’s eager smile prefaced his mocking retort, “Make things right?  That’s none of my business.”  Riddle scowled back at him, clearly believing it was Certainly! His! Business! after he was the one who started the whole mess.  Riddle choked back his anger and made an attempt to push past Floyd.  However, when he extended his hand to push him aside, a smiling Floyd instead grabbed it, “Why, Goldfishie, I didn’t know you wanted to dance with me.  Aha ha.”  Then, tugging the flustered Dormleader by said hand, he pulled Riddle out onto the dance floor. 

With a sharp turn, Floyd pulled Riddle into a waltzing hold and tugged him into the dance.  Riddle’s face twisted up in frustration, but he was too proper to break the etiquette of the dance and angrily fell into step with the eel.  Both boys were talented dancers and able to mostly ignore the dance steps and hold a conversation in angry whispers instead.  “What is the meaning of this, Floyd?” Riddle demanded.  “Night not going how you wanted?” Floyd asked with a long lazy smile.  “You know perfectly well what I’m trying to do!  Now, stop getting in my way!” Riddle answered the question in an angry huff. 

“I’m not the one getting in your way,” Floyd said calmly, “you’re getting in your own way.”  Riddle looks up at his dance partner incredulously.  “I most certainly am not!” he retorts sharply.  “Then why’d it take all this to get you to ask the Prefect to the dance?” Floyd replies as they finally fall into silence.  Why had it taken such extreme lengths to get to this point?  Riddle flushed a touch while he mediated silently on his feelings.  Finally, he looked back up at Floyd and asked in a small voice, “So what do you recommend then?”  Floyd smiles and pats Riddle on the head, earning him another scowl, before he leans in and whispers, “Don’t overthink it.”  Then he gives the shorter boy a shove that sends him backpedaling until he collides with another student.

“Ah!” you exclaim as you feel someone bump into you from behind, nearly sending you toppling over.  You regain your balance and turn to see who’d been so clumsy.  “Riddle,” you weakly observe.  He stares at you, seemingly frozen.  You had prepared a scolding for the rude person to bump into you but obviously you changed your mind about delivering such a speech to Riddle.  Instead, you awkwardly rubbed your arm and waited for him to say something.  When he doesn’t respond you start to turn away, “I guess I’ll go first then.”  Only a hand catches your arm before you can leave.  “Wait,” he calls softly.

You stop and look back at the flustered Dormleader.  He mumbles something while avoiding your eye.  “What was that?” you ask him.  He blushes a deep red, looks straight into your eyes and repeats, “I’d be very honored if you’d allow me to be your escort for the remainder of the dance.”  You give that a moment to process, “Are you asking me to dance?”  He gives a short nod and you break into a smile.  “It’s about time,” you say and hold out your hand.  He gives a start and stammers, “Were…were you waiting for me?”  You slip into a dance hold and look into his earnest face, “I don’t know.  Maybe I was.” 

From across the dance floor, two sets of mismatched eyes watch the nervous couple navigate their first dance.  “You know, I’m quite amused by this outcome,” Jade muses, “I thought you’d play with him far longer.”  Floyd shrugs, “It was getting boring, so I decided to help him out.”  Jade puts a hand to his chin, pretending to ponder that, “Oh?  Now you are becoming as benevolent as the great Sea Witch herself.  How very surprising.”  Floyd shrugs his shoulders, watching Riddle turn the Prefect in a spin.  Then he smiles at his twin, “I don’t know about that.  Maybe I was just thinking it would be far more fun to let him get attached more before I steal the Prefect away.”   Now it is Jade’s turn to smile, “I’ll look forward to it.”  The dance continued with smiles gracing the face of many a student; some lovestruck, some full of fun and others full of mischief.  Each one full of a promise of things to come.

[cuddlesslut]

Memories

Part three to Home

Suna x fem reader

Atsumu x fem reader

Tags: still angst, light fluff, just a lot of Suna simping.

AN// let me know if you want me to continue the story.

Part Two: Silence

Part Four: Chance Encounters

You were the most beautiful girl Suna had ever seen. When he saw you that first day of school it was like the clouds in his normally dreary day parted and he could feel the sun. You weren’t in the same class much to his dismay. That didn’t stop the middle blocker from searching for your face in the crowds of the halls or the cafeteria. Though it was rare he stilled catch some glimpses. In those moments a war waged in his mind part of him wanted to go introduce himself, he wanted to know your name. To just be around you. But another side of his brain forbid that. Stating that he was fine were he was he would just interrupt your day. What would he even say to you. Hi I’m Suna I’ve been watching you since the first and even though I know next to nothing about you I can’t get you out of my head..... yeah no. He’d just sit back and wait for opportunity to knock. Suna curses himself for his laziness. He can’t describe how his heart stop the day his friend brought you to practice and introduce you as his girlfriend.

Though he kept his composure he felt as though the air was stolen from his lungs. This is the closesest he had ever to been to you and it was overwhelming to say the least. You stood there at Atsumu’s side smiling and greeting the team memebers and when your attention drew to Suna he realized his favorite thing about you was your eyes. You beautiful (e/c) eyes shown with so much light and happiness. When you smiled you smiled with your eyes, always getting this cute little crinkle. He shook his head at these feelings. You were taken and by one of his friends no less.

From that moment on you presence was always close by joining the boys for lunch or stopping by practice with little snacks you had made the team. Suna almost resents how easy he gets along with you. How simple it is to fall into a banter with you. He hates how calming it is when you’d sit next to him and laugh as you showed him some meme. He wanted to be annoyed with you ever time you’d put your foot down and insist he let you wrap his finger after a bad block. But he couldn’t you were just such a caring person. He’d try and give you some petty insults, maybe if he caused a rift between the two of you he’d feel better, maybe then if there was more space between you he’d feel less guilty for always being enraptured by you. But you’d always snap back with something just as clever or petty. You could go toe to toe in trading insults but both of you knew neither of you meant it. You’d always break out into that breathtaking smile after a few rounds of back and forth. He realized soon that he’d much rather keep you in his life as a friend even if he could never have you because at least he’d still see that smile. At least as your best friend he’d still see your eyes shine bright and he could take a small pleasure in knowing he brought some of that happiness.

“You need to calm down,” Suna turned to see Osamu taking the seat on the bench next to him.

Suna's hands run through his hair gripping the roots in frustration as he let out a yell.

“How the fuck am I supposed to be calm, she could be hurt or missing, and that ass is just sitting there! Two weeks! Lord knows what could have happened by now.” Hes shaking part of him wants to go back up and give Atsumu a few more licks but he knows no good will come from it.

“YN is a grown woman and she’s smart and strong and you know damn well she’d bitch you out right now for thinking she couldn’t handle herself,” the former ace chuckled.

“I’d much rather her here bitching cause at least then she’d be here,” he groaned rubbing his hand down his legs trying to let out some of his nerves. “Did you know?” He asked the grey haired twin.

Samu gave his quick glare of offense. “Absolutely not believe me if I’d known I would have been the one to deck him , you just beat me to it.”

“The last i heard from her was her birthday, maybe if I’d had stopped by and brought the Onigiri myself I could have been there for her,” he sighs.

“We’ll find her don’t worry,” his friend pats his back, “and then you can finally confess,”he smiles.

“I’m that obvious huh,” he sighed.

Samu let a loud laugh “ OH PLEASE we all knew, well maybe not YN she can be kinda blind ya’know,”

Suna shook his head laughing. He has to see you.

They returned home today from nationals. The loss to Karasuno was really starting to sink in now that was Suna was home sitting in his room alone the house quiet. He laid there berating himself for balls he failed to block. If I had just done better maybe my team would still be playing. Maybe - he was disrupted from his thoughts by the chime of the door bell. His parents were out of town this weekend. They had assumed like many Inarizaki would still be out in Tokyo fighting for first place. It was fine though Suna was used to being alone. But that just confused him more as he made his way to the door. Who could possibly be here. All he can say is he’d never except to open the door and see you standing there. Like always you stole his breath away.

“What yer not gunna let me in,” you teased “and to think I brought you snacks!” He just realized now she was carrying a grocery bag that looked pretty heavy.

“Give me that ya Dummy,” he said taking away the snacks, he stepped to the side allowing her entry.

“I figured you were hungry, but try to save me some,” she giggled. Suna just rolled his eyes as she took a seat on his couch.

“What are you doing here?” He questioned taking his seat beside her making sure to leave a respectable distance. Though he wants nothing more than to hold you close. He dismisses the thought as he rummages threw the goodies waiting for your response. He smiles seeing the package of milk bread you bought. He took it out and tossed it to you knowing it was your favorite. You smile and give a slight nod as a thank you.

“I figured you wouldn’t want to be alone after the game, I know your probably thinking a whole bunch of nonsense right now aren’t ya?” She looked at him with a solem but knowing look. He cursed how well you knew him. Seeing as he had been doing just that before your arrival. His heart squeezed at the thought of you wanting to comfort him. It almost gives him a slight hope. What about Atsumu, he lost that game too.

“Why aren’t you with you boyfriend, he’s probably taking it harder than me,” he asks knowing he might ruin this little fantasy he has here with you. He sees a sad look cross your face at the mention of the setter. It’s not a look Suna wants to keep seeing.

“You’re right about that, Tsmu’s having a tough go of it,” she gave a soft smile. “But he said he didn’t want my pity and asked I leave,” Suna could see your eyes get a little glassy thinking back to the conversation.

“He’s an Ass.” The middle blocker states plainly.

“He’s just got a lot of emotions right now and wants his space, it’s okay.” But Suna can see your hurt. He knows it wont do any good to keep talking about it.

“His loss, now I get all of the snacks,” pulling out a bag of chips. “Want to watch a movie?”

That’s how the evening went the both of you curled up on the couch Suna had brought down some pillows and blankets and he wouldn’t lie he loved seeing you wrapped in his comforter. You went on and on about this anime you started and you nearly died when he agreed to let you show it to him, pumping your fist in the air going off about your favorite character and how he’s totally going to love him. Suna looks over at you and your wearing the biggest smile eyes wide with joy. This is will always be his favorite moment he thinks.

He’s right that moment still sticks out in his mind. He has plenty of great memories but that one right there is his favorite. He’s been thinking back on a lot of his memories of you lately.

It’s been seven months since your birthday and no one in your former circle new anything about where you were. You hadn’t talked to anyone. Your number was no longer in service and all of you socials have gone silent.

After a couple of days of looking for you Suna was ready to go to the Police and report you missing, ready to call every hospital and pray you are safe. At this point that’s all that matters to him. He can’t bare to think about anything bad happening to you but it’s hard to keep his mind out of the dark place. Osamu was the one to stop him. Luckily they had gotten in touch with their former captain and while Kita was sorry to hear about the situation and very disappointed in his junior for his actions. Every one was upset with Atsumu for his actions. Kita was gladly willing to help in the search. Still being in their home town he was able to pay your parents a quick visit. And while he was happy he could inform them both that your parents had heard from you the other day so your fine. That was all your parents could tell him, stating that you had requested to keep your privacy not wanting to talk to anyone. So while they knew the biggest detail they still knew nothing.

It hurt Suna the most. How could you just cut him off like that. You were the most important person to him how could you not know that. He fretted. He knows your hurting but why did you have to cut all of them off most importantly him. Part of him was so incredibly angry how could you not even say goodbye to him. Did his friendship really mean that little to you. But another part of him understood that he couldn’t possibly know what you are going through. All he knew is how much he missed your smiling eyes. He would give everything to see you again.

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[harrytpotter]

A 100 Years of Love — One-Shot

Plot: James Potter asks Y/N - his best friend - for advice on how to impress a certain girl he fancies, unbeknownst to him that she was hopelessly in love with him.

Pairing: James Potter x Fem!Reader

A/N: Here i am twice in the same day with a new James imagine, because that’s how obsessed with him I am! Hope you guys like it, and please keep in mind that English isn’t my mother language, hence any probable grammar mistake. :)

Being a sixth year at Hogwarts was bittersweet. As much as you were happy that studies were almost over and so were the anguish concerns about exams, grades and graduating, you were also undeniably sad as you could feel the end of it all approaching at a fast pace. To think you soon wouldn’t be able to wander through the castle’s hallways after curfew with your friends, feeling the thrill of not knowing whether you’d be catched or not; to think you wouldn’t party hard with them at the Gryffindor tower after a Quidditch win; to think you wouldn’t be surrounded by your friends 24 hours a week; and, lastly but most importantly, to think you wouldn’t be seeing him often, it just... hurt. Not that seeing him every single day didn’t hurt at all. Specially since the gossip that he fancied one of your best friends had spreaded like wildfire through the school about a year ago. Sighing heavily, you close your book and set it aside as you leant against the thick trunk of a three, staring at the sunny sky above you.

“Y/N L/N, just the person I’ve been looking for!” An overly-confident male voice shouted from behind you. You didn’t have to look to know who it was, feeling his arrogant smirk radiating through the air.

“What now, Potter? Lily isn’t here, in case you haven’t noticed,” you tease your friend, a grin on your face trying to mask the twinge of sad that hit your heart as you said that.

“I may wear glasses but it doesn’t mean I’m blind, you know?!” He shrugs, a grimace stamped on his face as he sat in front of you. “Would you help a friend out, love?” He adds with a wink.

“Well, I’ll regret saying yes to you, won’t I?” You frown with conformity. It’s not like you could say no to him anyway.

“Excuse me? Since when saying yes to me gets you in any sort of trouble, darling?” He smirks sneakily at you, his hand in his chest in mock offense.

“Aren’t you a complete arse, James Potter?!” You roll your eyes at him, but can’t stop a grin from taking over your lips.

“Oh, please, you know you love me,” he winks at you, causing you to get all flustered. That was the problem with James: he was a flirt by nature. That’s just who he was, he couldn’t help it. It was simply a trait of his personality. He would flirt aimlessly without even noticing he was doing so. He couldn’t be blamed. Still, it didn’t help to ease the effect it — and he — had on you.

“Just say what you bloody want already,” you sigh.

“So, there’s this girl I’ve been trying to impress for quite some time now but, bugger me, she doesn’t seem to give a single shite about me at all,” he starts, staring intensely into your eyes.

“Have it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, she’s not that into your arrogant self?” You tease, cutting him off.

“Merlin’s beard, would you let me finish before judging, woman?” He rolled his eyes at you. “As I was saying, I need to win her over before a git gets in the way of our love story.”

“Love story? Seriously?” You laughed even though you didn’t feel an ounce of amusement in your body. “James, look, i don’t mean to discourage you or anything, but are you sure it’s not the time to give up?” You shoot him a sympathetic glance. Lily really didn’t seem to care about him at all, just like he said. Of course you couldn’t know it for sure, since you were so bloody afraid to ask her if she liked him back, but you knew your best friend. She would’ve sent him signs by now if she too was interested. At least that’s what you hoped, since the last thing you wanted was to be head over heels for the same guy your best friend was smitten with.

“I’m not known to give up that easily, love. Besides, I can’t seem to back away from this, and believe me, I’ve tried,” he stated, his eyes distant as he was lost inside his own head.

You feel a sudden anger at him. Despite your deep infatuation for James and the friendship the two of you shared, Lily was your best friend and you didn’t like the sound of what he just said. “Oh, so that’s what it’s all about to you? A challenge? Some kind of game?”

“No! Y/N, no...” he quickly exclaims, snapping back to reality. “She’s much more than that. She’s... she makes me feel things, you know?! Things I’ve never even known that were possible to feel. She annoys me, teases me, makes me go mad of desire and despair every time she smiles at me and... Merlin, that smile! I swear to you that it’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Every time she walks in it’s just like... I’m staring at the sun, she makes everything so much brighter. She makes life so much brighter. She drives me nuts. Damn, I’m in love!” He blurts out, his face filled with devotion, admiration and a burning passion.

Every word that got out of his mouth was like a stab right into your heart. Hearing he say those things hurt more than you ever thought it would. This was the first time he had ever admitted his feelings towards Lily to you, even though you were his best friend. You stared at the grass whilst taking a deep breath, cautiously making sure you’d be able to hide the hurt in your voice and eyes before you could look at him or speak again.

“Well, sounds like you’re serious about her,” you smiled softly at him. It didn’t reach your eyes but you made sure he wouldn’t notice that. “Orange petals lilies,” you add after a while. “In some muggle cultures lilies are tied to 100 years of love. They are also tied to good luck. Plus they mean infatuation, attraction and admiration. Pretty much what you just said you feel. I think it’s very suitable,” you managed to squeeze his arm reassuringly, showing him he had your support. Afraid that you would be unable to keep repressing the sadness that threatened to take you over, you get up and start walking, leaving a thoughtful James behind.

“Thank you, L/N!” He shouts.

“Anytime, Potter,” you answer without turning back to face him, quickening your pace as the tears began to flood your eyes.

***

After your conversation with James, it looked like he and Lily were everywhere you went. Whispering secretively, giggling together in the corners of the castle. Painfully reminding you that you weren’t the one for him. Like now. You couldn’t stop but staring at them, not sure whether to feel happy or bitter.

“Seeing anything interesting?” Sirius snook up on you, whispering into your year, causing you to jump in fright.

“Merlin! You scared me, you daft dimbo!” You slap him in the head with the book you had in your hands.

“Ouch! I’m not the one you’re mad at, should i remind you!” He exclaimed vigorously, protecting his head with his arm.

“I’m not mad at anyone!” You shoot angrily, hitting him again with your book.

“Would you stop hitting me, for Merlin’s sake?”

“What’s going on here?” Lily asks. When you turn around to face her, you’re met by hers and James’ inquisitively stares.

“Just a little PDA, right Black?!” You smirk ironically at him, leaving before anyone else could say anything.

“What just happened?” Remus asked intrigued whilst approaching the little group of friends, joining Sirius, Lily and James in watching you disappear into the castle.

“That, my friend, is what jealousy can do to a person,” Sirius shrugged, a grimace on.

“What do you mean by that?” James asks, frowning in confusion.

“I mean that she was staring at you and Lily, mate,” Sirius winked at his best friend.

“But why would she be jealous at all?” He shrugged, even more confused.

“Boys can be so stupid sometimes,” Lily rolls her eyes at him, clearly amused at his obliviousness.

As James continued to look confuse, Remus intervened: “The rumors. About you and Lily.”

“Oh!” He opened his mouth in realization, soon looking confused again. “But these rumors just started because Lily and I were spending more time together as she was advising me to act on my feelings and confess them to Y/N!” He shrugged.

“But she doesn’t know that, does she now genius?” Lily smacked the back of his head with her hand.

“WAIT!” James shouts suddenly, gaining a frown from the little crowd. “Does- does it mean she... likes me?” He asks, his eyes twinkling with hope.

“Prongs... what have we been telling you for the past year, you idiot?” Remus shook his head in disbelief at his friend.

“Well, I assumed you were all just saying that so I could grow the courage and ask her out,” he shrugged.

“You’re more stupid than people give you credit for, do you know that?” Lily crossed her arms in front of her chest, rolling her eyes and smiling.

James stood there for a few seconds before speeding off towards the near mirror that held a secret passage to Hogsmeade behind it.

“Where exactly are you going?” Remus shouted at his friend.

“To secure myself a 100 years of love!” He shouted back, a wide grin shining on his face.

“Has he gone mental?” Sirius asked Remus and Lily, a brow furrowed.

“Hasn’t he always been?” Lily retorts, causing all three of them to explode in a laughter.

***

“Oi! L/N!” James shouted from behind you and you slowed your pace so he could catch up with you.

“Don’t you have someone else to torture?” You ask him, playfully rolling your eyes, once he was walking beside you.

“Probably, but I choose you,” he winks and stops in front of you, both of his hands rested on your shoulders.

“Lucky me!” You raise your brows ironically.

“Always so sweet, huh love?” He laughs and you can feel your knees trembling. “Anyway, just wanted to let you know that today is the day!” He winks at you suggestively before turning around and leaving you.

You stare at him in confusion and shrug before continue to walk to your destination. He could be quite weird sometimes.

***

As you approached the door of the dorm you shared with Lily, Marlene and Alice, your eyes spot a beautiful vase full of orange lilies inside. “Just wanted to let you know that today is the day!” James’ words crept back to your mind as you stared at the beautiful flowers. This was it. The day he would finally confess his feelings to Lily and ask her out. With your eyes filled with tears, you duck a little and pick up the vase, getting inside the dorm. You let out a sigh of relief as you realized it was empty, putting the flowers carefully on top of Lily’s nightstand and locking yourself into the bathroom, finally allowing the tears to fall violently down your face.

Casting a silencing spell so no one could hear you, you stare at your broken self in the mirror. “This is the last time you’ll ever cry for him. The last time you’ll allow yourself to feel anything other than friendship for him. He’s smitten with Lily and they deserve to be happy together,” you say to your reflection before prepping yourself to get into the bath to take a relaxing and long shower.

After changing into your pajamas and making sure you looked presentable and your eyes weren’t swollen of puffed, you remove the silencing spell and unlock yourself out of the bathroom. Lily was sitting in your bed waiting for you, the flowers and a card in hand. You pressed your lower lip between your teeth to suppress the wave of sadness forming inside of you once again. Of course she’d want to tell you that James had finally asked her out and talk about it, you were her best friend after all.

“Nice flowers,” you say whilst sitting by her side and pulling your pillow into your lap.

“I do think they’re nice myself, I just don’t understand why would you put your nice flowers on my nightstand,” she frowns with a smirk.

“I’m sorry? My flowers?” You ask her, confused.

“Well, aren’t you Y/N L/N?” She offers you the card.

“Yes, but... these are not for me! James sent them to you!” You raise your hands in denial, not even bothering to pick up the card nor look at it.

“Merlin help me! If you bothered yourself to look at the bloody card you’d see it doesn’t say Lily Evans on the envelope,” she rolls her eyes, swinging the card in front of your face.

Reluctantly, you grab the card from her hand and look at its envelope. It had your name in the back of it, written in James’ calligraphy. Your heart started pounding furiously inside your chest as you opened it in shock. Inside of it, there was a little note from him. You start reading it out loud so Lily could hear it, noticing the curious glare she was sending you.

“Hello, my little private sun!

If I, by any chance, make your life as brighter as you make mine, please meet me on the top of the Astronomy Tower at twelve o’clock sharp. I really hope you can make it, love. There’s something I need to properly tell you.

Yours and yours only, Prongs.”

You stood there staring at the parchment, your mouth wide open. Did it mean he liked you? What about Lily? What about the gossiping?

“Well...” Lily swing her head inquisitively. As you continued to stand still, staring at the note with a dumbfounded look, she adds impatiently, “just go, woman!”

Glancing at the watch on your nightstand, you jump out of bed. 11:50 pm.

“Damn you, Potter!” You exclaim before speeding off the dorm, hearing Lily’s screams of excitement behind you.

You ran through the castle’s hallways as fast as you could, as if your life depended on it. The paintings and portraits on the walls shouted words of annoyance as you passed by them in a blur with your wand lit up, but you couldn’t care less. You couldn’t care about being caught. You couldn’t care about Filch or McGonagall, let alone the detention you’d be rewarded with by her if any of them surprised you out of bed at this late hour of night. All you cared about was getting to James. He was always all you cared about.

***

James glanced at his wrist and let out a sigh, it was 00:05 am and you still haven’t showed up. Sitting on the floor, he stares at the stunningly starred night sky. He felt a tightening in his stomach. What if all of your friends were wrong and you only saw him as a friend? Before he could torture himself any longer with his despairing thoughts, he hears the door crackling open and gets up, turning around to face a breathless Y/N.

“You came!” He exclaims softly, gazing at you with relief.

“Where else would I be you idiot?” You frown happily at him, closing the door behind you and taking a look at your surroundings.

The walls had been enchanted by James to look like the night sky outside, a similar spell seen in the ceiling of the Great Hall. Stars were twinkling brightly all around you and the floor was covered in orange lilies.

“Wow, Potter, you really outdone yourself here, didn’t you?” You looked amazed at him.

“I might have had a little help from Flitwick and Minnie, you know, us being their favorite students and all...” James joked teasingly as he started to walk slowly towards you.

“I guess being the teachers favorites really has its perks,” you frown playfully, slowly walking in his direction as well. “I believe you have something you need to properly tell me?”

“Oh, yes! About that, I wanted to thank you for your help with the girl I’m madly in love with. It worked out smoothly!” He winked, causing you to laugh.

“‘m always happy to help you! Hope she‘s worth the trouble.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, she totally is! In fact, she’s so worthy that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to win her over.”

“And why all of this determination in winning her heart? If I’m allowed to ask,” your narrow your eyes, that held a burning fire inside of it.

“Because she’s all I can think about and all I care about. She’s in my head when I wake up and still is in my head when I go to sleep. She’s bloody stubborn and challenging and annoying and... Merlin, I love her,” he says playfully and tenderly as you finally are in front of each other, faces merely inches apart. He rested his hands on your waist, tightening his grip as he did so.

“That’s good to know,” you whisper, staring at his eyes, breathing unsteadily whilst landing your hands on his chest.

“And why is that?” He asks, his eyes swinging from your eyes to your lips.

“Because she can’t stop thinking about this arrogant, overly-confident stupid boy either. And she also loves him, so much it consumes her,” you answer, staring at his lips hungrily.

“Are you being serious right now? I mean, are- are you sure? I don’t wanna pressure you or-,” he starts, looking into your eyes nervously with a longing frown. Not even resembling the self-assured Quidditch team captain and most popular guy in Hogwarts.

You chuckle lightly at his adorable worried face and bite your lower lip whilst smiling sweetly at him.

“Of course I’m sure, you blind daft! Just kiss me already, for Merlin’s sake!” You exclaim, pulling him by his shirt collar into a passionate kiss.

[sssrha]

The Girl in the Kitchen

A-Li is five and she knows she should be dead, doesn’t understand why she’s alive—and tiny, too—but she decides to make the best of it, anyway.

Or: Jiang Yanli did not expect to get reincarnated as a street kid in Yunmeng. She definitely did not expect her younger brother—who is now a good three decades older than her—to take one look at her and declare “A-Li” his heir. She decides to roll with it.

[part two of The Lotus Cycle; part one (Tumblr, AO3)]

Read it below or on AO3.

-

A-Li would like to make it known that dying isn’t fun. She’s only five but she already knows that. Most people don’t, purely because most people haven’t died before, and that’s a good thing. After all, dying means a horrifying pain in your throat, tears in your eyes, words at the tip of your tongue that you’ll never get to utter. Dying means seeing horror in the eyes of those you love, and not being able to do a thing about it.

A-Li can say that, at the very least, her death was quick.

But none of that matters now because A-Li is finally alive again! She can wag her fingers and wiggle her toes, scrunch up her nose at the rotten fruit of Grandpa Wang’s stand, laugh in delight at the street performances that take place in Yumeng, and even run around with the other little kids!

Her clothes are old and tattered, and they’re not the deep purples or rich golds that she wore before she died, but they’re still nice and, more importantly, her mother made them for her.

She’s five but she knows that her mother and father are dead. She knows that her mother died on her own and her father died because he wanted to. Little girls like her aren’t supposed to know stuff like that, but she does. It makes her sad enough to cry sometimes because she really liked her second mother and father—guiltily, she admits to herself that she liked them more than her first set—and she really didn’t expect to be left alone so quickly.

The good thing is that the vendors of Yunmeng are really nice, so if she asks they’ll give her a little bit of food, or some cloaks, or even a few toys if she’s lucky. She keeps track of it all reverently and she promises every single one of them that, one day, she’ll pay them back. A lot of them tried to wave the promise away at first, but she insisted, and her first father always said that she was stubborn when she wanted to be, so they eventually relented. She intends on keeping her promise.

A-Li is five and she knows she should be dead, doesn’t understand why she’s alive—and tiny, too—but she decides to make the best of it, anyway.

***

The Man in Purple comes by a lot. It’s only been a month since her parents died and she has yet to figure out the way back to her house—she needs to clean it up because her first mother said that keeping things clean is important—but she’s taken notice to many other things.

The Man in Purple wears the same deep purples she’d worn before she died, and his face is sharp and severe like her first mother’s. When he converses with the vendors, she realizes he talks like her first mother, too, and he acts like her, and he plays with the ring on his finger the way her first mother once did. But he’s not her first mother—the set of his shoulders is different, the light waves in his hair are different, even the jerking of his gait is different. All of that is her first father’s.

There is someone else the Man in Purple reminds her of: A-Cheng. A cute little boy, who grew up into a cute little man, who became a sad man, who became an angry man. (And those eyes—they looked at her before she died. They were crying. They held more sorrow at the prospect of her death than she ever felt.)

A-Li decides that she really likes the Man in Purple. He is hers, now. No take-backs.

He comes by frequently and she always follows him when he does, staring at him with wide eyes. Everything he does reminds her of things: a little pond of lotuses, a wooden sword in small hands, lightning on a clear day. No matter what he does, she can’t help but smile.

He’s a little rough and mean, but she doesn’t care. Actually, most people don’t. Most people laugh away his snark and quips, and she can’t help but feel more and more delighted because this means that everyone else really likes him, too. Everyone else can see the warmth in the furrow of his brows, the affection in the tilt of his head, the kindness in the dips of his voice. She’s relieved that people can recognize it all. (Finally. It’s taken much too long. He’s misunderstood; he’s the softest, sweetest person on the planet and if people had ever cared enough to look then they would realize it, too.)

Her hands are grimy and her hair is matted, but her smile is still cute enough to get her what she wants: three little toy dogs. They’re not of high quality—carved out of wood, badly painted, splintering a bit here and there—but they’re exactly what she wants. If she had ink, she would scrawl each of their names onto their backs: Princess, Jasmine, and Little Love. They’re pretty names—and funny, too. She can’t remember why.

When she sees the Man in Purple again—he’s walking through the streets on his own, dressed more expensively than usual, returning after a visit to somewhere else—she runs up to him and tugs at his robes. Afterwards, she realizes that she got dirt on the pretty clothes so she pulls her hand back, frowning sadly. “I’m sorry,” she says.

The man stares down at her with wide eyes. “You…”

When she realizes that the Man in Purple isn’t going to keep going, she raises her other hand and presents the three little dogs to him. “For you,” she says solemnly.

“What?”

“You lost your dogs. I’m giving you more!” The man snatches the dogs out of her hands, staring down at them. His fingers tremble as he goes to stroke them, but A-Li immediately grabs his wrist to stop him. “No!” she says. “No, no, it hurts. It’ll hurt you. Don’t do that.” She doesn’t want him to get splinters!

The Man in Purple looks endlessly confused, put there’s something close to hope shining in his eyes. A-Li thinks it’s better than how he looked at her before she died, but still—she wants him to smile. So, she forces herself onto her tippy-toes and tries to reach his shoulder, to stroke it gently like how she used to.

She realizes too late that she’s very tiny, and the Man in Purple is very tall, and she barely passes his waist. However, the man just shoves the three dogs into a pouch and promptly scoops her up. She squeals in delight—when was the last time someone held her? Ah, her second mother and second father definitely held her a lot, but her first mother and first father…oh, well, she can’t quite remember if they ever did.

A-Li likes being held. She wishes she’d experienced it more often. She decides to be picked up as much as possible from now on.

No, focus, she has a mission! Finally upright, she strokes the Man in Purple’s shoulder. She says, “You did good. I’m happy for you.”

To her dismay, he doesn’t smile—instead his face crumples and tears streak down his cheeks as he clutches her close, letting her head rest on his shoulder. He rocks back and forth, and A-Li feels giddy at the motion. Oh, he’s crying, but the look on his face—this man is definitely her A-Cheng.

She hugs him closer, and she doesn’t let go.

***

A-Cheng takes her to her first home. It’s exactly the same as she remembers it—just older. She lets out a gasp of delight as she spies the lotus pond in the main courtyard. “Lotus!” she yells, immediately running to it. She would have fallen in, too, if A-Cheng hadn’t grabbed her as quickly as he did.

She whines and clutches at his robes. “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad.”

“I would never,” he promises, and she believes him.

“I just…they’re pretty.”

“I know.” He pauses. “What…what is your name?”

Her smile is back, and it’s dazzling. “A-Li!”

“And your parents?”

That’s weird. A-Cheng knows what happened to their parents. After a bit of confused silence, she realizes that he’s talking about her second parents. Yes, that makes much more sense. “Mother died in her sleep. Father wanted to be with Mother.”

A-Cheng’s grip on her wrist tightens. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s…” It’s not okay. It probably won’t be okay for a long time, because A-Li is still really sad about it. It hurts to know that, as much as her second father loved her—and he loved her a lot, always showered her with affection—he didn’t love her enough to stay. But the feeling isn’t new, and she knows she felt it back before she died, too.

A-Li is five and she feels an awful lot of emotions to keep in her little body, but she’s working on it. She knows that, one day, it will stop hurting as much.

So, she says, “I miss them.” She walks more cautiously toward the lotus pond, A-Cheng letting her when he realizes she won’t fall in this time. When she kneels and plays with the water, she continues, “I hope they’re happy.”

A-Cheng dithers around her while she splashes in the water, taking delight in the tiny ripples on the water’s surface. The lotuses that sprout out of the pond are too far in for her to reach and she remembers that she used to be able to wade in and grab them with ease, but now it’ll be a whole ordeal and she doesn’t want to put A-Cheng through all that stress. She settles for playing with the water.

Eventually, though, she realizes how long they’ve been here. A quick glance upward reveals conflict slashed across A-Cheng’s face, and it’s an ugly thing. She’s seen too much of it and she doesn’t want to see any more of it. “You…want to say something?”

A-Cheng flinches backward. He looks like he’s about to turn away, but A-Li puts on her best “you can talk to me” expression. It always worked before she died, and she delights in the fact that it still does. A-Cheng looks so confused and sad but he still says, “A-Li, do you know who you are?”

“I’m A-Li,” she says solemnly. He slowly starts to deflate right up until A-Li continues, “And you’re my A-Cheng.”

A-Cheng smiles. He says, “I am. I’m your A-Cheng.” He asks, “A-Li, can I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to stay with me here? There’s warm clothes and food and a bed…whatever you want. Just like we used to?”

She remembers how it used to be. It was never perfect—her first mother and first father didn’t let it, at first, and then there was a lot of fighting, and then their brother was so sad, and then their brother ran away—but it was nice. It made her happy. And she liked it here much better than the tower of gold. There were only a few good things there—they were more than enough to make her stay happy—but now that they’re gone, she can’t see herself going back to the tower of gold.

So, she answers, “I’ll stay with you.”

There’s relief on his face. Then, a bit rushed, he asks, “Do you want to become Sect Leader Jiang one day? You could do it. I know you could. But only if you want.”

At this, she pauses. Sect Leader Jiang? She doesn’t remember ever thinking about it. That was always A-Cheng’s job. He’d grow up to be Sect Leader Jiang and she would grow up to be the lady of the tower of gold. She’d never questioned it, as far as she can remember.

Her becoming Sect Leader Jiang…the thought feels odd. Not bad. Just weird in a way that she doesn’t think she’s ever experienced before. “But that’s your job,” she disputes.

“It could be yours one day. I won’t be around forever.”

A-Li looks away. No one is going to be around forever, because everyone will die—unless they reach immortality. But won’t even the immortals pass, too, one day? Maybe so far in the future that they might as well live to the end of time…but time will end. A-Cheng will die. The thought immediately fills her with distress, and her face scrunches up. She turns and buries it into the cloth of his robes.

“Don’t say that,” she says. “It makes me sad.” Then, after considering, “It makes you sad.”

A-Cheng sighs. “You know me too well, A-Jie…”

A-Li looks up. “I’m younger than you.” Now, at least.

More emotions flicker over his face before he settles for, “A-Li.”

A-Li nods. That’s good. That’s her name. She likes it when he says her name—he never said “A-Li” before she died. It makes her feel warm and happy. She clutches onto him tighter and she realizes that she really, really wants him to be as happy as her all the time, and she’ll do whatever it takes, so she says, “I’ll do it.”

“You’ll…become my heir?”

“Yes!”

His face softens. “A-Li, you always manage to solve all my problems.”

A-Li smiles brightly. Solving her family’s problems is what she does best.

Now she just needs to find the rest of it.

***

A-Cheng wasn’t lying when he told her that she could have whatever she wanted. She wanted pork buns and she was given pork buns, she wanted the pretty purple robes and she was given pretty purple robes, and she wanted to spend the night curled up next to A-Cheng and he didn’t so much as hesitate before scooping her up and singing her the lullaby she taught him. It was different—she’d always pampered him and now she was being pampered by him. It’s…nice!

This morning, after waking up well before A-Cheng and scurrying out of his room, she hid behind a large pillar of wood before peeking out to observe the servants. They scurry along the hallways of her home, doing various tasks, too busy to notice her in her (very good) hiding spot.

Her eyes trail over them as they do their duties, until she latches onto something very specific: an entire line of servants with baskets full! Of! Food!

Obviously, she runs after them.

She’s quick as lightning, hiding in the robes of the servants until she’s safely deposited in the kitchen, and it’s different than she remembers. She feels completely upset. Her kitchen! It’s been changed! She immediately tugs on the robe of the nearest servant, and he turns to her with a small, “Oh!”

The left side of his face has a bark-brown scar that splays its way from under the collar of his robes to just over his eyebrow. A-Li couldn’t care less as she demands, “What happened here?”

The man stares. He turns. “Um, Madam, there’s a tiny child here.”

An older woman (oh! A-Li recognizes her!) ambles out of the depths of the kitchen and narrows her eyes at A-Li. “You’re the one Sect Leader Jiang dragged back with him.” She turns around and waves them away. “Let her do what she wants. She’ll be heir soon, anyway.”

“Oh. Okay.” The man turns back to A-Li. “Maiden Jiang, is there anything you need?”

A-Li stubbornly points at the far wall, where the herbs are stacked. “Coriander!” she exclaims. The man, confused but obedient, nods his head and fetches her some coriander. A-Li observes it with a critical eye and can find nothing wrong with it. Now a bit less concerned, she asks for ginger. Then cinnamon. Then basil. No matter what she asks for, the man retrieves it quickly, and it’s all in order.

It’s disconcerting. The kitchen was always her place; her first parents never came into it, and her brothers only entered when she asked for help. It was the one thing she had for herself, something she could share on her own terms. They’d even made an exception for her in the tower of gold! And now she’s tiny and her kitchen is no longer hers.

She promptly bursts into tears.

The man panics. “Maiden Jiang! What’s wrong? I’ll help! I’ll fix it!”

It’s not fair for her to make him panic, but A-Li is still five and something she really cares about has been taken away from her, so of course she’s upset. She shoves the herbs that she’s accumulated back into the man’s hands before dashing out of the kitchen, heading straight for A-Cheng’s room.

When she gets there, A-Cheng is midway through combing his hair, and a look of horror passes over his face when he spies her tears. “A-Li! What happened? Did someone do something? I’ll go—”

“My kitchen!” A-Li wails. “They—they took my kitchen, A-Cheng. What’s left now?” What’s left that’s hers? What does she have for herself?

A-Cheng blinks rapidly, confusion warring on his features right alongside incredulity. A-Li doesn’t like it. A-Cheng won’t understand—she’d tried so hard to make sure he’d never notice, after all. Because A-Cheng was her little brother—her tiny little brother—and he had other things to worry about. But now A-Li is the tiny one and she thinks she’s entitled to at least one tantrum.

She doesn’t remember ever throwing a tantrum. How should she do this? Throw a chair? She’s nowhere near big enough for that.

The image that it puts into her head is silly enough to stop her tears. A-Cheng is already by her side, scooping her up and whispering calming words into her ears as she hiccups. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. What did they do to your kitchen, A-Li?”

A-Li says, “They changed it.”

“Yes, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

A long time, she thinks. Long enough for her home to look more used and for only some of the servants to be familiar. And, of course, for A-Cheng to be so much older. Her fingers curl into A-Cheng’s hair and she gently tugs on him while asking, “How long?”

“Fifteen years since you…” he trails off. 

Wow. That really is a long time. She’s five right now, so she spent ten years dead. Dying is not fun, but what is it like to be dead? Boring, maybe. Just a lot of waiting before being shuffled into your next life. She waited for ten years, and all she really remembers about it is being really really sad. Maybe it’s good that she doesn’t remember that much of it.

A-Li just shakes her head. “I want my kitchen back now.”

“A-Li…you can go to the kitchen and ask for whatever you like,” he promises. “Just listen to them and stay away from anything dangerous—”

“No!” she protests. “I want my kitchen back!”

“The kitchen is yours,” A-Cheng says, perplexed. “You’re my heir. All of Lotus Pier is yours.”

“That’s not what I mean! I want my special place!” The one where she belongs, where no one will get angry about her presence, where she can help people by making food. It’s her thing. A-Li cooks and smiles and makes everything better for her family. “Give me back my kitchen.”

“It’s always been yours,” A-Cheng promises.

He doesn’t understand and A-Li, frustrated, (lightly) punches his shoulder. This is not going well. Not at all. “It’s not the kitchen!” It’s—what is it? A…a concept! The concept of the girl in the kitchen, always ready to help. That’s who she is! If she loses that, she’s just the useless daughter of the family! She can’t fight! She’s never been a scholar! What can she do? She makes lotus rib soup, and she hugs her family, and that’s that.

A-Li doesn’t realize she’s said it all out loud until words stop falling out of her mouth. A-Cheng stares at her with wide, horrified eyes. “A-Li,” he says, “no. You—you’re so much more than that. You’re my sister. You took care of me.”

“What else?”

“What?”

“I took care of you,” she agrees. “What else?”

“You made sure Wei Wuxian never felt left out,” he says. “You saw good in him. In Jin Zixuan, too. And you cared so much about A-Ling.”

“What else?”

For a second, A-Cheng looks at her. A-Li wonders if he really can’t think of anything else. She wants to have been more than that—more than a reassuring smile offering soup to others. Surely that’s not all. 

A-Cheng’s silence is telling. He sets her down onto the floor and then kneels until he’s eye-level with her. Swallowing, he says, “A-Li, I…”

“That’s all?” She can’t quite hold back the tears. She really likes making her brothers and parents and husband and son happy—no doubt about it! But her memory is so messy and foggy and she can’t remember anything else. There must be more. There has to be!

If not, then what is she now?

A-Cheng cups her cheek, lips trembling. “A-Li, I was a bad brother.”

“No,” she immediately denies. “You weren’t—I was just—”

“Please, don’t. I—how could I pay so little attention to you? I thought you were my world but…I never tried to know you at all. You were taking care of me as if you were my—my nanny! You’re so much more. I can’t believe I just ignored the rest of you.”

“Wasn’t your job,” she disputes. “I was your sister! I took care of you!”

“You shouldn’t have had to.”

A-Li can’t think of a way to deny that. She liked taking care of A-Cheng (honest!) but…when had anyone taken care of her? Her first parents didn’t—oh, they definitely liked her and protected her but, had they held her? She can’t remember. But she can remember her second parents doing it so clearly…

Probably because those memories are more recent. Hopefully.

Afterward, it was her taking care of A-Cheng because no one else did. And then it was her taking care of A-Xian, too. And then she got married and went to the tower of gold, and…and what? She can’t remember.

A-Li just turns away. She won’t be getting her kitchen any time soon, no matter how many chairs she throws, so the only thing she can do is find something else. And ignore the devastation on A-Cheng’s face.

***

“There was a man in the kitchen,” A-Li says. It’s the first time she’s said anything since her meltdown and she follows her words by shoving some more of her lunch into her mouth. She’s still chewing as she continues, “There was a burn on his face.”

A-Cheng frowns at her and reprimands, “Swallow before talking.” Then he pulls back, and A-Li glances down in shame. She never did that the first time around. But it’s just so hard. She does her best. “The man…he’s Zhu Feihong.”

“What happened?”

“He got hurt.”

A-Li lets out a little giggle. She remembers A-Cheng doing that before she died: talking in circles. “I know, but how?”

He puts a lot of thought into his words. “He was doing something bad,” he says. “He didn’t realize it was bad. It hurt him and gave him that scar. I helped him and told him what he was doing was bad. I brought him here to make sure he didn’t try to do it again.”

“Bad…” She thinks she knows what he’s talking about. No one really said things to her before she died—not in the way it mattered. But even she knew what her A-Xian was doing. “Demonic cultivation?”

A-Cheng sighs. “How much do you remember?”

She shrugs. “Not a lot.”

“Be more specific?”

A-Li doesn’t say anything because, even though a lot of the things she remembers are nice, a lot of them also aren’t. She doesn’t want to think about them, because they might make her cry again.

A-Cheng realizes it. “A-Li, you have to try.”

Try what? Try being a good little girl for A-Cheng? Or try being a good big sister? Or try to be a good mother even though she doesn’t know what a good mother should act like—

She gets a bad feeling in her stomach. No, no, no, there’s something important there. Even if it makes her stubby little fingers wrap too tightly around her chopsticks, she needs to remember it, because it feels so bad to not remember it. She just…just—

“A-Li?” He sounds scared.

Her head snaps up. “A-Cheng!” she shrieks. “A-Cheng, you’re mean! You didn’t tell me anything! Nothing!”

“What is it?”

“Where is A-Ling?” she demands. Where is the boy who was tinier than her that she held in her arms? The one that smiled up at her and chewed on her hair and made her feel so happy? Why hadn’t A-Cheng told her anything about him?

Something bad in her head says, ‘Everyone dies.’ But no, her A-Ling wouldn’t die! He’s a tiny baby! Why would he die? He wouldn’t…would he?

A-Cheng says a word that shouldn’t be said around five-year-olds, immediately jumping out of his seat. “I forgot,” he mutters. “I’m so, so sorry, A-Li. I have to go.”

“What?”

“A-Ling will be here by tomorrow morning.” He looks straight into her eyes. “I will make sure that you meet your son.”

A-Cheng really has grown up, hasn’t he? She can’t suppress her blinding smile. “Thank you!”

Maybe this way, she can start picking up the pieces.

[joonluvv]

my knight in shining armor [2]

originally posted by armywithbangtan

summary: the school bad boy has taken a liking to flirting and asking you out during school, even after rejecting him. what’ll happen when someone else uses force?

pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: angst / fluff / skool luv affair! au / bad boy! au

word count: 2.2k

warnings: harrassment

A/N: i’m sososo sad this one got deleted tOO and like asldkalksdj i just wanna share my writing is that so hard !! that’s it i’m writing on google docs or smth

Taehyung was confused about a lot of things. He was confused about the math homework, why his alarm didn’t go off this morning, how to not get mad at his teachers, but recently and most importantly: you. He was confused about you and your entire persona. You were the cutest freshman, and person, he had ever met. Your loud laughter always brought a smile to his face and he had made it his goal to make you laugh more. He looked at you a lot, and he knew you would stare at him too. Whenever he flirted with you, you would avoid his eyes and blush, embarrassed out of your mind. But then, a few seconds later, you would reject him.

Am I doing something wrong? Maybe I’ve misread her intentions. He wondered to himself while walking to class. He had always been late to school. That is, until you showed up. With your dazzling smile, (e/c) eyes that sparkled when you talked about something you were passionate about. The skip in your step when you saw him. He was dazed in and out of class, but the teacher wouldn’t reprimand him. Though he was only a sophomore, he was still pretty strong and being the “bad boy” made you known for your scary nature.

The bell rang and Taehyung was the first one out of the class, desperate to find you. He didn’t even bring a backpack to school, so he was light on his feet.

“Hey Taehyung! Where are you going?” A familiar voice said behind him. Taehyung looked behind him to find Jimin running up to him while his other five friends walking leisurely in their direction.

“I’m going to find (Y/N),” he responded, looking at his friend like it was obvious. He hadn’t been able to see you this morning and it was already taking a toll on his mood.

His friend group laughed and Namjoon, one of the juniors in the group, asked, “Taehyung, that girl doesn’t want you. Why don’t you find someone else?”

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, and frowned. He didn’t think his friends would understand. He knew his group of friends had a bad history in relationships, how they were marked as the player bad boys. But he knew them better, they were good people. Albeit, a bit emotionally unavailable.

Taehyung tried his best to come up with and explanation but trying to stay respectful, he just responded, “Hyungs, you wouldn’t understand.”

He walked away from his friends to a particular tree outside, away from the lunch tables and everyone else. You two would usually talk there, without anyone interrupting or anything. It was bliss. Taehyung turned the corner, already feeling a bit happier about the situation.

“Hey, Y/N, I—” Taehyung started, only to find that there was no one under the tree. He paused, confused about where you could be.

Where could she be? He wondered, looking around but only getting more frustrated. Maybe she had ditched me?.

Dejected, Taehyung stuffed his hands into his pant pockets and hunched his shoulders.

I mean, it’s me. A bad boy, no one cares about me other than for fame. Y/N doesn’t care for me, like I do her.

Taehyung turned around and lifted his foot to walk away when—

SMASH

Taehyung froze in his tracks. His eyes widened and he slowly looked up. On the next floor, he could see through a window a girl with her back facing him. He knew that figure anywhere. It was you.

You looked like you were shielding yourself from something, probably whatever made that crash sound. But what was scarier to Taehyung was who he could see. A guy slowly approaching you.

Taehyung started to get mad. Whoever this guy was, he had no right to be near his—

His..his what? His girlfriend? No, she isn’t my girlfriend. I told myself that I shouldn’t get involved with her anymore. Taehyung scolded himself, trying to tear his eyes away from the scene. He closed his eyes and tried breathing deeply to calm his nerves.

He heard another sound, like something hitting glass and steeled himself not to look up. Taehyung knew if he did, he would storm into that class and it wouldn’t be pretty. Getting increasingly frustrated, Taehyung lost all his resolve and looked up to see you looking uncomfortable under the other guy’s glare and his hand trapping you. You whimpered and turned your head to the side and Taehyung caught a glimpse of a red mark. It was a cut from the glass and it looked painful.

Taehyung only saw red. He started running through the field and pushed at least a dozen people out of the way. But he didn’t care. All he could see was you, and your cut, and the way you looked scared.

He was halfway up the stairs when he heard it. Your scream. But you weren’t just screaming for help. You screamed his name.

“Taehyung!”

If even possible, he ran faster, almost tripping over his own two feet before he was outside the classroom door. He tried to yank the door open but it wouldn’t budge. He kicked it a few times before ramming the side of his body through and it finally gave way. He was panting and his hands were balled up into fists. In the room, Chin-hwa was still staring at Y/N but seemed annoyed at the interruption. His two friends had been trying to hold the door down to stop Taehyung from getting through and were now rolled on the floor. The two guys were looking up to Taehyung’s furious face and if looks could kill, they’re both be six feet underground.

“T-Taehyung,” You whispered, a little afraid after looking at his face. You tried moving towards him but your wrist was still trapped in Chin-hwa’s and the other was crushed by his body. Chin-hwa felt you moving and smirked before pushing you against the window again, resulting you groaning in pain. Taehyung walked over to the both of you and grabbed Chin-hwa’s arm.

“Huh, what do you—” Chin-hwa started before his body was ripped from Y/N’s side, falling onto nearby desks. He grunted in pain, before hastily getting up.

“What the—? Who do you think you are? Huh?!” He yelled, holding his head from the pain while his two friends were shaking behind him.

“My name is Kim Taehyung,” Taehyung spat, turning his head to face the junior and his fists becoming white from how strong he was holding them.

The three bullies all paled in fear. Though they were all older, the bad boy group called Bangtan Sonyeondan, or BTS, was well-known in the school to be the strongest and scariest boys. If you angered one, you would anger them all, and that would definitely not be pretty. The bullies, still shaking, shoved each other and ran out of the classroom as fast as they could. When Taehyung knew they had left, he turned around to face you.

He didn’t say anything and his face became expressionless, all he did was hold out a hand for you to take. Still shocked from everything, you slowly placed your hand in his. He slowly guided you forward and sat you down on a desk before letting go of your hand. He then turned them to see the fading red marks from Chin-hwa’s fingers and slowly rubbed them. Eyebrows furrowed and lips downturned, he then padded his finger to the cut on your left cheek. His finger burned on the cut and you hissed in pain, causing him to retract his hand from your face and loosing some warmth. Taehyung continued to help you and slowly the silence became awkward.

“Y-you came..” You said, surprised by how quiet your voice had gotten. You cast your eyes on your feet, feeling small under his gaze.

Maybe this is where he leaves.. You wondered and shut your eyes tight to stop the tears from escaping.

Taehyung gently smiled and took your chin into his hand and lifted your head slightly, making you open your eyes. You were looking at him with those beautiful (e/c) eyes but you had a frown on your face. Taehyung couldn’t understand why you looked so sad.

Did you not want me here? You called me, right? He thought to himself.

“Of course I did, Y/N. I saw you through the window and then heard your scream. I swear if that Chin-hwa ever even looks at you again, I’ll—“ He stopped in his tracks when he realized you had put your arms around him and were pushing your face into his chest.

He instantly wrapped his arms around your figure and held you there. You were crying and shaking like a leaf. It broke Taehyung’s heart. After calming down, you parted from his warm body but still clutching his shirt for comfort. You looked away for a moment.

“I-I didn’t think you cared about me. I was so s-scared when he came onto me but I tried being strong! Like you always told me to be,” You said, starting out a little shaky but gaining confidence with every word, “And he was so close. I-I didn’t know what to do. I thought maybe you returned my feelings..? And would come..”

“Y/N.”

“O-Oh, no. I’m sorry.”

“Y/N.”

“I-I should shut up now. It was wishful thinking that maybe you liked me back.”

“Y/N.”

“I-I’ll get g-going. Don’t worry! I won’t tell a-anyone and w-we never have to see each other again.”

“Y/N!” Taehyung scolded, still holding you in his arms.

He wiped away the stray tears that had passed your eyes. He lowered his hands from your arms and interlocked them with your hands and lightly brushed over your knuckles in comfort. He lifted his face and kissed your forehead.

“Not only are you the cutest person ever but also the most oblivious. Huh?”

“W-What? Taehyung, I’m so confused.”

“I like you, cutie.” He smirked, though there was a hint of blush on his cheeks.

You’re eyes widened and your frown broke into a smile. You yelled out in glee before wrapping your arms around his neck. Not expecting the sudden embrace, Taehyung fell backwards onto the floor but safely secured you in his arms before hitting the ground. He groaned in pain and looked at you to see you still smiling into his neck.

“Oh god, Y/N. You’re going to be the death of me.”

The both of you laughed and stayed there hugging for a while. Until you heard the school bell ring. You immediately got up and started panicking about being late to class. Taehyung watched you in amusement before guiding you away from the broken glass, handing you your backpack and grabbing your hand. The two of you walked down the main hallway when everyone that were passing by stopped to stare. People started to whisper and you put your head down from all the attention. Taehyuung looked at you once before smirking and tugging you towards him. He wrapped an arm around you and kept walking like nothing happened while you were blushing like crazy. He saw his friends around a few lockers and winked at them while some had their mouths open and others laughing and shaking their heads. The rest of the school day was basically just that.

The last bell rang and for the first time, you were the one rushing out of class with all the other students. You tried to get by through the crowd but you were tossed around. Out of nowhere, you were gently moved into someone’s arms and the sea of people suddenly parted. You looked up to see Taehyung holding you and walking you to the first entrance of the school before he stopped right outside the gates. He paused before taking both of your hands into his and turning to face you. He looked straight at you with a serious expression, confusing and scaring you for a moment, before his mouth turned into a boxy-smile that you loved.

“Well cutie, I guess we have to say goodbye.”

“Ahh, you don’t have to call me cutie all the time you know.”

“Oh yeah? Then how is anyone gonna know that we like each other, hmm?”

“B-Because! We’re now a couple..And that means you’re mine!”

Taehyung smirked, he was enjoying the newly shown confidence you were talking in. He wasn’t used to you being so straightforward, but he liked it. And he liked you.

“Oh yeah, cutie? Well, too bad. You’re mine so I can call you cutie.”

You smiled and stepped forward so your feet were touching. You looked up/down at his confused expression before kissing his cheek. It was Taehying’s time for his face to turn red. His eyes widened and he stuttered from the kiss, speechless. You giggled and took the chance to squeeze his hand before letting go.

“Bye, Taehyung.”

“B-Bye, Y/N.”

He waved at you while you walked away and was instantly approached by his group of friends. They patted him on the back and congratulated him for winning the girl’s heart. He laughed with his friends before looking fondly into the distance at your retreating figure, wondering what was in store in the future. But as long as he was with you, and you were with him, he didn’t have to worry.

© 2021 by cherryyjjk ;; all writings and other content on this blog are my intellectual property. you may not reuse, reprint, translate, repost, steal, or any other type of stealing of my works.

[hecohansen31]

I lowkey want (who am I kidding lol I seriously want it) another Fallon x Reader x Duncan. maybe like ... duncan's away and reader's being bad, so Fallon has to punish her like if Duncan were there, hmmm.... ANYWAY, your writing's amazingggg and I'm obsessed

(A/N): Hello there, lovely!

So thank you for saying that and I hope you’ll enjoy this!

Have a nice day!

I am also tagging @wickedlangdon and @melodylangdon because I know they tend to like this kind of stuff!

WARNINGS: Female-Female Action, Oral Sex (Female Receiving) And Fingering, Polyrelationship.

Fallon Carrington had too many problems, in her life: her father was slowly sinking the company which might have to pass onto her shoulder, once he was dead (which might happen sooner than later if he kept up this attitude).

Her newest evil stepmother was fighting with her sociopath of a brother, creating an atmosphere in their home that wasn’t in the slightest easy or breezy.

And lately, her girlfriend/lover had been moping around their shared apartment, being the most ridiculous brat in the universe, not to talk about a drama queen that would put to shame Sam.

And this was all due to their shared lover having delayed his return: the night before Duncan had said that some awful things had been going down at the Shepherd Foundation, in Washington and he had to stay there for a few more days.

“… but the event…?” (Y/N) had asked, her eyes shining, sadness sparkling in them, at the sole thought of Duncan missing the important event she had been organizing for an entire month for the Shepherd Foundation branch in Atlanta.

Fallon knew she had been working hard not wanting to disappoint Duncan, and the knowledge that Duncan wouldn’t be attending was rather heartbreaking.

Fallon knew it all too well.

But this didn’t excuse her horrible behavior: she didn’t seem to even care in the slightest anymore for the entire event, and if she wasn’t sleeping and moping she would be ordering around the poor maids, and worst of all…teasing Fallon, meanwhile she was at work.

Like that morning.

She had been busy in a rather important reunion, wrestling with Kirby for ‘Femperial’, when she had opened the message to reveal it to be a rather provocative nude picture of (Y/N), more importantly done in her lingerie, and not the old one she would never use… but the good stuff… the one she had recently bought.

She just couldn’t deal with all this treatment any further.

On her way home, since she couldn’t focus on anything that weren’t those nudes and the desire they had created in her, she had called Duncan, mostly because he might suggest her something to do in this case.

Unlike Duncan, due to the fact that they hadn’t known each other for much time, she was rather sweet and attentive with (Y/N).

She was almost afraid that any gesture might break her, bringing her away from Fallon.

And she couldn’t allow that.

So, many people in her life had left her: Alexis, Liam, Steven…

She couldn’t help but feel like it was some problem people had with her and her behavior, hence she had tried to soften it with Duncan and even more with (Y/N).

Although she hid a tougher personality, she was pretty shy and her relationship with Fallon, although went to an older date, wasn’t as smooth as Fallon’s with Duncan, who spoke business in and out of the bed and understood each other.

It still took a bit of nerves for Fallon to approach (Y/N), but she was getting better and she didn’t want this to make her back up in the entire process.

Duncan picked up the phone at the second try and seemed to already know the entire situation, which simplified Fallon’s mission, who straight up went to explain (Y/N)’s behavior, alongside the problematics of it on both her work and at home life.

“… I know that you can’t be back, but she is honestly going crazy, and she is crazy pissed with you” she mumbled, meanwhile she parked the car in the underground garage of their ‘little’ apartment, the one they shared whenever they were all in town.

“I’ll buy her a new pair of Louboutin” he mumbled, meanwhile Fallon exited her car, just to gently sit onto the front of it, not wanting to have this conversation in front of (Y/N).

She knew Duncan was joking and wasn’t taking lightly his absence, but at the same time she knew that a new pair of expensive shoes wouldn’t save him from (Y/N)’s anger.

“… that won’t be enough and that wouldn’t help me” mumbled Fallon “… I just… she is been intractable: a true fucking brat”.

“Then you know what brats deserve” spoke as if it was natural, Duncan “… they deserve to be punished, if you don’t want them to bother you anymore”.

“I am not like you Duncan!” she screamed, frustration coursing through her veins “… between me and (Y/N) there is no relationship like you and her… we… have a backstory different from yours and…”.

“Fallon” his voice focused all her attention on it, immediately and she huffed, calming finally her quickening breath “… do you actually believe that she loves you less?”.

“We don’t have the same happy relationship as you, two, do…” she huffed out definitely annoyed tht Duncan didn’t get her fear “… I was horrible to her in high school, I tormented her… and I am sure that she…”.

“… you think she hasn’t forgiven you?” Duncan’s voice was truly shocked that she hadn’t thought about it “… Fallon, she never was angry at you from the start! She might have been pretty vengeful with you but… she loves you, not more or less than me, she loves you exactly like me!”.

Although she knew all the obviousness Duncan was talking about was true, it didn’t settle in til he spoke about it and she could swear he was smirking at her silence.

“Ok, caught it boss… although I am pretty sure she loves me more, I am the one who got her that ‘La Perla’ lingerie set, last week” she tried to raise from the emotional outburst she had just had, trying to distract Duncan from it.

And he let her distract him indeed.

“… wait till I come back with my new Louboutin” he replied slyly, meanwhile she got up from the car, her ass having frozen there “… but seriously, Fallon, she won’t hate you, she is doing this to get a raise out of you; she hasn’t been receiving the same amount of attention since my trip started and she is just trying to regain it, through very bad manners”.

“Ok, I got it” she mumbled, biting her lips, meanwhile she adjusted her outfit, as she moved into the elevator to get to the penthouse “… wish me luck”.

“Tame that brat for me, sweetheart, and I’ll make you come so much next time we see each other that you’ll never know whether you are begging me to stop or keep going”.

It was useless to say that when she faced the porter, she was red as a tomato.

Fallon found (Y/N) waiting in her room.

Although (Y/N) had a shared room with the biggest bed she had found, she still needed some private room for herrself, which was either Fallon’s office or in (Y/N)’s case, her own design project, since she quite liked decorating it with the small things she found.

Not only their penthouse was stylish, but it held some kind of familiarity to it.

(Y/N) was quite proud of that effect and both Duncan and Fallon appreciated it.

But it was strange to find the other in some room that didn’t belong to them, but Fallon could see why she wouldn’t want to hang out in their shared bedroom: it was probably making her remember of Duncan’s absence.

But she wasn’t only in her room, she was also wearing Fallon’s expensive robe, treating it as if it was merely a rag, meanwhile she looked through her dresses.

And she would have found it adorable, had she asked to try out the outfit.

(She still found her adorable, but… she was pissed).

“What the heck are you doing here?” she called out (Y/N)’s attention who was rather surprised by her appearance but didn’t let it stop her from snooping even more in Fallon’s luxurious clothes, grabbing a miniskirt by Fendi as if she was in some sweatshop.

“… just grabbing some options for the event of tomorrow” she mumbled, although embarrassment was true on her face and in her tone, evidently realizing that what she had done wasn’t exactly… proper.

“Well, you know that if you want to do such thing you have to ask me before, little girl” she tried not to sound too angry with her, focusing her tone on stern, meanwhile she set down in her ‘mommy’ persona, seeing (Y/N)’s body immediately reacting at her.

“… I didn’t think you would mind it honestly” and then your voice held some kind of cutting tone to it “… it isn’t like you seem to be caring about what I did, lately”.

She then turned around, discarding Fallon’s robe away from her body, revealing the rather racy lingerie she had been wearing and in which she had taken the pictures that had teased Fallon with, during that reunion, and tried quickly the gown, adjusting it with her fingers.

But Fallon had had enough and, with no care for that gown (she had never liked it truly) she discarded it onto the floor, from her body, without a second thought, hearing (Y/N) squealing under her rough ministrations.

“… this doesn’t authorize you to act like a brat” she said, meanwhile she spread (Y/N)’s legs apart, teasing her over the silky panties, moving the little pearls that were set in the middle as a decoration over her most tender skin, avoiding her clit.

Fallon felt (Y/N) nervously tremble under her, already excited by the ministrations and he kept them up, with the barest of touches.

“… to act like a brat, to forget your place and your duties and more importantly…” and she let her tongue glide onto your panties, moving those little pearls onto the (Y/N)’s clit, who moaned loudly, but was immediately shocked when Fallon slapped lightly her thighs, taking her back from the pleasured state she was “… to fucking tease your mommy when she is busy”.

An unamused expression appeared on (Y/N)’s face, and she just tried to roll her eyes at her, but Fallon wasn’t having any of that.

She immediately raised up on her feet and grabbed tightly her face in her hands, pushing it up so that she could be at eye-level with her, which definitely stopped a bit that brattish attitude.

Although attentively, Fallon lightly pushed her onto the bed, where she fell definitely ungracefully, making her smirk softly, but she didn’t keep that attitude up as Fallon came back with lace ropes, although she still managed to send her an annoyed look.

“…oh, are you going to also get the blindfold out?” she tried her, pushing her buttons and Fallon tried not to give in.

“No, I love seeing your eyes rolling back in your head in pleasure, but because you are being a brat… I might get a gag, if you keep on speaking back at my, little girl” she mumbled, meanwhile she tied her arms over her head, into the bedframe, and then proceeded to block each legs open, securing each of them to the opposite footboard.

She immediately shut up, at the mention of the ‘gag’, making Fallon coo at her teasingly, meanwhile she pushed her clothed body onto hers, pushing her hair away from her face, as she pushed her hand down her body, till it cupped her sex in her hands, making (Y/N) moan lightly, shushed by Fallon’s lips.

She continued the teasing till her fingers finally slipped beyond the elastic band of the silky panties, as Fallon’s hand raised up to her breasts, gently kneading them, over the fabric, as (Y/N) pleaded with Fallon for something more, for more skin to skin contact.

And Fallon didn’t make her beg for it much more…

…yet

She gently lazed her hands over her wet folds, using it as a lubricating to softly let her fingers in her deepest secrets, making her huff a bit at the sudden penetration.

“…are you enjoying it, sweetie?” she teased her, raising her hand to reach her chin to tilt it softly so (Y/N) could look at her face “… because this is your punishment”.

Fallon knew that, from the way (Y/N) smirked at her, she had thought she had won, that Fallon was just going to give her the attention she been begging.

But wait till she discovered that Fallon’s plans were pretty different from hers.

Fallon continued teasing her, with her fingers, meanwhile her thumb went over her little pearl teasing it softly, before she intensified the thrusting of his finger and the movement onto her clit, decidedly making her reach that ecstasy…

… that she stole from her, interrupting any action that she was delivering on her pinky nest.

“… you wanted attention, well now you have all my attention” smirked Fallon, before she lowered between her legs, delving exploratively her tongue between her folds, meanwhile she screamed, the oversensitivity between her legs definitely coming handy for this punishment “… now don’t mind mommy’s teasing, I just want to make sure that your amusement doesn’t end up too quickly”.

And it certainly didn’t.

Now you would finally know better than to act up like a brat.

… maybe.

[tviseverything]

Okay guys, hear me out.

After the mess that was part 2 of Crisis, I wanted to fix or include a scene that definitely should have been in there. Sorry for the long text, I’m on mobile.

I was pretty much upset that Barry of all people agreed to bring back Oliver using the Lazarus Pits because as much as he was grieving, he would have enough sense to not go through with it but he did.

For this scene I took inspiration from Sleeping at Last’s song “Touch” which is such a heartbreaking song to listen to. You can listen while reading this!

The scene starts like this:

The song starts:

When will I feel this

As vivid as it truly is,

The whole team is separated around the legends time ship, everyone still reeling from Oliver’s death and Kara grieving the loss of her whole world.

Fall in love in a single touch,

And fall apart when it hurts too much?

The camera pans to Barry, tears still visible on his face looking down, disappointed in himself when iris comes from behind and hugs him until they’re both crying. They talk as the song continues to 1:06

“This is not your fault, Barry. You did all you could do”

“How is any of this fair. He shouldn’t have made that decision for us, he had no right to choose to die for us without me and Kara knowing.” Barry pauses before speaking brokenly, “I should’ve done more. I shouldn’t have been late to the Crisis”

Iris doesn’t say anything and only pulls Barry closer and cradles his shaking body.

The camera pans away to Sara and Mia drinking in the Library

The song continues:

I know, I know - the sirens sound

Just before the walls come down.

Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman

Predicting God as best he can,

But God I want to feel again.

Sara tries to comfort a grieving Mia Smoak while trying to keep it together at the same time. The scene continues until the short instrumental break at 1:33

“Back in the day, your father and I had done crazy and reckless things.” Sara takes a deep breath “ I have seen many versions of him, Jerk Oliver, Lian Yu Oliver, Vigilante Oliver and now Parent Oliver. Let me tell you that I never expected Oliver to fit into the title so well.”

Mia chuckles at that part and smirks as she takes a gulp of her beer. Sara grabs the Russian vodka that seemed to appear out of thin air and pours one for Mia and herself.

“Your father was many things, Mia. Most importantly...” she looks over to see the tears that pool in Mia’s eyes. “Most importantly, he was a hero. Prohcnost” (I don’t know how to spell it, but its a homage to Oliver’s toast)

They both drink and the camera pans away.

During the small instrumental break the camera quickly pans to Clark and Lois holding baby Jonathan with sad smiles on their faces. Their happy that their son is alive and healthy and happy but they are of course sad about Oliver’s death and losing their whole world. But all that matters right now is Jonathan. The camera pans away as the lyrics start up again at 1:50.

Rain or shine, I don't feel a thing,

Just some information upon my skin.

I miss the subtle aches when the weather changed,

The barometric pressure we always blamed.

Ray walks up to Kate sitting in silence (where Kara and Kate had their talk at the end of Crisis part 2) and he is holding two beers and gives one to Kate. Ray sits down next to Kate heavily and sighs. They simply sit there until Kate speaks up.

“Apparently I’m supposed to be the paragon of courage.” Kate starts. “How stupid is that. How am I supposed to find the courage to fight against a Crisis like this? I didn’t lose my whole world like Kara did and yet she was able to find hope in herself again.”

“Well...considering I’ve only known you for a day or so...it seems that you need a catalyst or inspiration to spark up that courage, Kara found her hope again after visiting your cousin, Bruce. Did you?”

Kate looks ahead, deep in thought. She nods slightly before drinking her beer again. Ray takes that as a yes and looks ahead as well, sitting in silence yet again and the camera zooms out. The music keeps playing from 2:33 to 3:00 until we find Kara sitting down on her own.

Invisible machinery,

These moving parts inside of me

Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time,

Leaving only rust behind.

Well I know, I know - the sirens sound

Just before the walls come down.

Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman

Predicting God as best he can,

But God I want to feel again,

Oh God I want to feel again.

She is slouched and when the camera turns to reveal her face, her mask is breaking. She takes off her glassss and replays her life over and over again. Losing Krypton, losing her aunt, losing Earth-38, losing argo and her mom again, and losing Lena. She doesn’t even know if Alex and Lena are even alive. She keeps replaying everything until she breaks. She lets out a sob and another and another until her whole body is shaking and she wants to scream but she can’t. A dark figure comes out of the shadows, observing Kara. The figure moves into the light and reveals that Lena did make it out alive. She sees Kara’s shaking body and quickly forgets of all the bad blood between them. Hesitantly she walks over and sits next to Kara. She doesn’t notice Lena yet due to the pain blocking all of her senses and the tears blurring her vision. Lena doesn’t say anything but she reaches out and grabs Kara’s hand and a lone tear falls out. It’s a small gesture but it’s a start. The touch startles Kara and looks over to find the culprit only to find out it’s Lena and she breaks even more. Lena quickly wraps her arms around Kara and brings Kara’s head to her heart. She can feel her shirt getting wet from Kara’s tears. Kara is frozen and can only clutch Lena’s arms and bury her head into her. Lena thinks she can hear a faint, “you’re alive” from Kara but she dismisses it and just rocks Kara back and forth, her own tears fall and she repeats over and over again “I’m okay, you’re okay, we will be okay”

The camera cuts to black while the last two lines are sung and the words “to be continued...” appear.

WOW I JUST BROKE MY OWN HEART HERE. 💔💔

[maddiicake]

Dear (people listed below)

@miss-mary-grace

You pretended to be my friend just so that you could “sleep your way to the top”. You’re only friends with that certain group now because of me. I never got any thanks, except just some “I know what I’m saying will hurt your feelings” Well, bitch, if you KNOW, then that just shows your colors. Again, you KNEW--you said YOU KNEW--, yet you still did it because YOU KNEW. You didn’t stab me in the back. You stabbed me in the front while you were smiling and pretending to be the “innocent soul” that you have everyone believing you are.

I was Miru’s sister first, by the way. We even endearingly called each other “hermana” just as such. So, sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, you weren’t her first “sister”. 

If I could go back in time, I would refrain from commenting on your poor excuse for art—talking about how “cute it is”—, and completely disregard you as a person, much less an artist. You only advanced and grew as an artist BECAUE OF ME. And I, unfortunately, got to see you true colors when you decided to indirectly admit that you were using me. 

Now, I’m used to people pretending to be my friend. But this was the first time someone had done so just so that they can get to where they are in life now.

So, just remember... You’re only Nova’s “little sister” because of me. You’re only friends with all of them because of me. You’re only where you are now because of me.

~~~

@zorakschicken / @zoraksrambles

Fuck you.

During the entire year where you had family member after family member (and your dog) die, I would drop messages here and there checking in on you. I didn’t bother you with messages every single day, like I’m sure you like to think (because “Big Bad Saki/Kura” is constantly and daily harassing people, apparently -__- ). Yeah, I vented to you now and then, but, compared to the times where I sent messages of support to you... those spurts of venting were SMALL in comparison. But, obviously, me venting was just oh so much more outrageous than the supportive messages that heavily outweighed everything.

“I won’t block you. I just think we need to take a break.” That was what you said before we agreed to take a break. And what happened? YOU FUCKING LIED! You blocked me on every single social media outlet that we share. Now, I don’t have a problem with being blocked--I could honestly care less if I got blocked--; what I’m pissed about is that you LIED ABOUT IT. Now, I blocked you first, because, for half a month after our agreement to “take a break”, you would snoop around on my dA (I track IPs, and have your name listed as such every time you pop by, so I know it’s you). It was really creepy and sus af, so I very briefly blocked you because “if you want to take a break from being friends, why tf are you snooping around...? >A>;;” So, you could back off. And then what? You block me for no reason? I didn’t fucking snoop around on you, like you did to me. WTF, dude...

And another thing that always bugged me... you Commissioning Nova. yeah, she’s your friend--but SO WAS I (at the time, at least). And you even mentioned to me how interested you were in my commissions, which were marginally cheaper than hers. So, for someone going through “financial issues”, you certainly are a hypocrite. Not to mention... it shows who you really saw as a “friend”, and our friendship meant nothing.

“Saki is always so negative. I can’t handle such negativity. It’s toxic.” You have an entire blog dedicated to hating some version of a series. What’s your excuse? Nothing but a double standard, if you ask me. Imagine being so high on your horse that you dedicate your time to something that upsets you. (That’s not me being hypocritical. That’s me saying “Hey kettle. You’re black just like me.”

You have schizophrenia. So what? I have Borderline Personality Disorder, but you don’t seeing me play that card as an excuse for my fucking behavior. I never have used any mental illness to excuse my behavior, which, let’s be real here--I’m fully aware of my negative track record, but not once did I play the “mental illness” card. I’ll use it to explain my behavior, yes, and emphasize that that’s the main reason why I’m Public Enemy Number 1 in the FMA Fandom and the reason why everyone left. But, I don’t use my mental illness like some “Get Out of Jail Free Card”, or to make people pity me or anything.

You may think that me making this call out post is the worst thing I could have done to you, but I could have done much worse. Remember: We shared phone numbers. I promptly deleted yours after we agreed to “take a break”, because I’m not that type of person to do shady shit with people’s personal information, unless it’s 100% necessary. 

At the end of the day all I can say is this: Fuck you, you lying ass two-faced piece of shit.

~~~

@novanoah & @mari-m-rose 

Despite what you may think... I do have screenshots. Or, “Proofs” as you like to call them (because “proofs” is totally a word, and not the incorrect use of “proof”... -_- ). The most recent screenshot is of Nova in 2017 committing libel against my friend with a one-sided no-”proofs”-used-to-back-up-her-claim post on Tumblr just to use her mob mentality and further show that she’s the type to use her popularity against people who are smaller than her. (Those “proofs” I have, by the way, and can show how full of shit she is).

And, it still disgusts me to this day that you are “happy” that I was told to kill myself. Are you kidding me? And here I thought I was the one that was fucked up in the head, and all I’ve ever done to all of you was stupid petty shit. To be “happy” that a person you don’t like is told (by numerous people) to kill themselves though...? What the hell is wrong with you? In that case, I’m sure you were crossing your fingers and praying for my death when I was diagnosed with cancer--only to have your little celebration party canceled when it wasn’t a severe type. But, I’m sure you got all ecstatic afterwards when the YouTube Ranters went out of their way to find my mailing address for the sole purpose of “Making [me] so stressed out that [my] cancer comes back and kills [me].” By your logic, you should be in absolute euphoria from that -__-

Sorry to disappoint you all, but the harassing, petty, little twat that bothered you all and gave you a hard time for a decade to the point she made you all (and every other single person) leave the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom is, unfortunately, hard to get rid of.

Speaking of Nova committing libel... let me just say that your little fanbrat Retreat coming after me last year wasn’t unnoticed. I knew it was sketchy af the moment they first appeared—it was no different than Cheery’s fanbrats Vixx_Der coming after me on Twitter for no reason and completely out of the blue just a month prior. So... Nice try at attempting to “give [me] a taste of my own medicine”. Committing borderline Tortious Interference... yeah, okay. That’s totally not something I could sue for. If not--defamation (which, had I known was a suable offense at the time, I would have totally done against Mayou back in 2016). 

And, like I mentioned in Mary’s little snippet up above... she’s only your friend and “little sister” because of me, so you’re fucking welcome. And, if it turns out that she’s using you the way she used me... I will laugh my ass off.

Above all else, and most importantly, my view of you both and the rest of the FMA OC Matriach is, has been, and always will be the same. I made a vow to “knock [you all] off your throne(s).” And I still plan to keep that promise. Because people like you shouldn’t be using that “I have a big number of subscribers/followers/watchers on my page, which makes me better than you~” mentality like you all have been. You’re all--every single one of you--are nothing more than HUMAN BEINGS. You’re not better than anyone one else, and you never will be. Guess what, snowflakes? Outside of your little cyberspace “safe place”, you have no power. Stop acting like you’re better than everyone else, especially to KIDS who are HALF YOUR AGE, and you think it’s right to make some stupid tumblr post (that has no evidence backing up your claim, and can be considered defamation, if not libel) painting that CHILD as an “evil person” and to order everyone to block them just because they said something you didn’t like. “I respect people who have different opinions than me” is the most obvious lie you have ever told. You’re nearly 30-years-old. Act like it and grow up. Stop bullying kids by abusing your power. You’re a HUMAN, just like the rest of us.

~~~

@mayounnaise / @sharkynnaise

Don’t know if you have a tumblr on here or not, but I couldn’t care less at this point. Let me go on the record of saying this:

Commit defamation against me one more time. Commit Tortious Interference like you did with (commissioner, who I won’t mention) again one more time. I dare you.

I WILL sue your ass, knowing what I do now--that what you did is a suable offense.

~~~

@miru-p 

I could say some pretty fucked up things right now, but I’m not that terrible of a person. I mean, I am a terrible person, but I’m not terrible enough to say fucked up things like: “Your family member deserved to live, and both of your positions should have been swapped over the holidays during that time. I’m sure your family member was a much better person than you.”

So, I’ll just simply say this: Vete a tomar por culo.

~~~

@hitantenshi

You are one of the most hopelessly optimistic people I know. The fact that you believe that people can change for the better is just absolutely sad. I mean, hello, have you seen my track record? I’m the bright and shining example and living embodiment of the reason why people don’t change. No matter how badly they want to. And if it’s because of a mental disorder, well, it sucks, because that diagnosis came too late and the damage was already done.

So, you’re all going to have to deal with this monster while I’m still around.

~~~

And to make it clear to every other single person reading this:

I’m not excusing what I did in the past, nor am I trying to make any excuses. I’m fully aware of the things that I did. However, that doesn’t mean that fakers should get some “get out of jail free card” and get away with it just because “they’re popular” or “friends with popular people”.

I’m fully aware of what I am. And, I’m fully aware that I’m hated because I’m a narcissistic, selfish, heartless, backstabbing, toxic, indifferent annoyance, harassing, ungrateful, apathetic, hurtful, manipulative, bullying, dramatic, sensitive, arrogant, petty, spiteful, over dramatic, drama whore, lying, shady, sociopathic bitch.

I’d constantly tell myself and others that “I’m changing” or “I’ve changed”, when really... I was just lying to them—and to myself—to make myself feel better. Always running away from some imaginary monster, and trying to be the perfect innocent souls that could do no harm. For a long time, I had actually believed that; fooling myself as much as I did everyone else.

Just want to make that perfectly clear. I’m not making excuses or using my mental disorder as an excuse or whatever. I just feel like I have to keep repeating myself all the time when it comes to stuff like this -__- (especially when people tell me otherwise).

[forestwater87]

A big box o’Gwenvid AU ideas: A is for "Aww” and “Angst” and “AAAH”

This post is fucking rad as balls, and I started thinking of fun AU ideas . . . until I remembered that I already have approximately 2 billion WIPs already and don’t necessarily know if any of these have legs as actual fics. But it was fun to think about, so here we are! This is the first of . . . presumably 26 of these? Who knows, but this post we have:

Accidental Marriage AU

In which Campbell convinces incredibly wealthy investors known for their focus on “family values” that the Camp is a sweet family business run by a husband-and-wife team of counselors. The problem, of course, is that it isn’t sweet and its head counselors aren’t married. Campbell only has enough booze to fix one of those situations. 

He’ll figure the rest out in the morning. He thinks better with a hangover, anyway.

(Yes I think this one would be awesome in Campbell’s POV. You cannot change my mind on this.)

Actor AU

Okay, real talk this would just be @whiskyarts​‘s gameshow AU. Because I kinda love the idea of Jerk!David who just pretends to be a sweetheart for the cameras. Except I would cover it with my filthy Gwenvid hands and make it shippy in that antagonistic-hatemance-eventually-turns-into-something-resembling-feelings. There would be lots of angst and snark and sparkly clothes and I would love it and probably no one else would.

Alien AU

An Interplanetary Anthropologist, Gwen, manages to land a position on the Campbell after years of education and networking and plain old hard work. She is an employee of the most impressive warship in the galaxy -- sure, it’s gone to seed a little bit in the last few decades, but it still has its shine if you look at it sideways and squint a little -- and more importantly, it’s work experience! Paid work experience . . . as a janitor.

When the Campbell picks up a POW that the ship’s commander plans to (illegally) sell to the highest bidder, Gwen decides to treat it as an opportunity to build a real-life case study on one of the universe’s rarer life forms while it’s within arm’s reach. But the more she learns about the strange, sunny alien who was his platoon’s only survivor, the more uncomfortable she is with letting him disappear into her captain’s nefarious dealings and -- 

Oh fuck, this is The Shape of Water, isn’t it? I mean, I’ve never seen The Shape of Water but I’m pretty sure that’s what this is. Fuck. Goddamn it. Fuck.

Amnesia AU

David takes a rogue bus to the . . . well, everything -- something that’s more or less routine by now -- and hits his head hard enough to knock him out for almost a full day. When he wakes up, he’s the same cheerful David the camp is used to . . . except for three strange new things:

He doesn’t know where he is or what he’s doing -- doesn’t, in fact, remember anything after some vague memories of childhood.

He’s completely terrified of the forest, and especially of Spooky Island.

He has no idea who Cameron Campbell is, but he’s quite positive he hates him.

Android AU

Actually @ciphernetics​ and I put this idea together a little while ago! Basically Camp Campbell has a state-of-the-art off-brand helper android named David, who is a perfect camp counselor, childcare provider, and comes equipped with the finest Forest Survival software Cameron Campbell could find for free online in half an hour.

Gwen, the new (requisite human) hire, hasn’t ever really interacted with androids, and doesn’t especially want to now. David is used to the distrust, even outright hostility -- very few of the campers seem to like him, and he knows that his presence can be unsettling to humans, and look, it isn’t a D:BH AU okay? It just looks like one, and acts like one. And is one.

Angel/Demon AU

Um the perfect Angel/Demon AU literally already exists, but they only wrote one chapter back in 2017 and never updated, and that makes me absurdly sad. Regardless, David being very bad at being a demon and Gwen being very bad at being an angel is the ideal setup for this kind of AU, in my humble opinion. 

However, David being an angel trying to reform his fallen ABFEL (angel buddy for eternal life!), who probably became a demon over something stupid and probably horny, also sounds extremely cute. They’re still friends, even though that is against literally all of the rules, and they secretly meet and hang out. David is convinced he can bring her around, and Gwen insists that she hates having him hanging off her nonexistent wings all the time. 

Honestly, probably neither of those things are true. Gwen wasn’t cut out for heaven -- and probably, neither is David.

Apocalypse AU

Cameron Campbell was probably doing something dangerously stupid in the hopes it could make him money. That, or the Quartermaster was doing something dangerous for reasons only he could ever understand. Hell, maybe that’s what that weird Daniel guy’s cult was trying to do. Whoever was doing what, they ripped a hole in their dimension at the bottom of Lake Lilac, and all sorts of awful things start creeping through.

There were signs, of course -- that weird fish-monster certainly didn’t come in through customs -- but an inopportune explosion, or wayward firework, or the rumblings of Sleepy Peak Peak, or something ripped a hole in the fabric of reality big enough for Lovecraftian monsters to start crawling through. There’s no stopping it. Really, there’s no chance of even fighting it. 

The second the rift opens, the story becomes one of just trying to stay out from under the Elder Gods’ feet.

Arranged Marriage AU

I think the easiest way to make this one work is by making either David or Gwen Campbell’s actual biological child -- maybe an heir, albeit to a highly illegal fortune and a mountain of credit card debt. But Campbell gets in trouble, the kind of trouble where he’s gambled everything and the only collateral he has left is a kid he got saddled with because their mother had better lawyers. A kid he’s been more than happy to put to work for the last 20-something years, who happens to have caught the eye of a ludicrously wealthy magnate -- not for her own sake (though Campbell would’ve been open to that too) -- but for her child, one she loves more than anything and keeps carefully shut away until the Right Person comes along.

His kid isn’t necessarily the right person, but for the first time in his life Cameron Campbell has a genuine treasure on his hands.

And, like all the fake treasures he’s passed off over the years, he just has to find a way to shine them up and make him a fortune.

Artist AU

Gwen is a starving artist living in a rat-infested hovel in the city, scraping by on a series of uninspired landscapes she paints on postcards and the goodwill of friends, family, and significant others. One day, a bright young man bounces up to her “studio” (it’s a cardboard box outside the park) and tells her excitedly that he’s been looking for her for weeks; he thinks her postcards are the most beautiful things he’s ever seen, and he would like to know if she’d be interested in moving down to a cabin by the lake. He runs a summer camp, he explains, and he knows they’d all be honored if she would teach them art lessons -- and of course paint in her spare time! The views are indescribable, and he’s sure she’ll have no shortage of inspiration.

She weighs the cost of what little artistic dignity she has remaining against room, board, and a steady paycheck for three months, and takes the job immediately.

Art Student AU

Put them in an art college -- maybe condense the ages so that the campers are like, younger students? -- and have Gwen as the Serious Art Student who cares a lot about theory and form and doing things right, and she’s constantly irritated by her classmate David, who sits at the same table as her and has declared them art buddies, and is convinced that the point of art is just to have fun and do your best! Maybe force them to do a group project together and really see them clash.

(Alternatively, there is the infinitely more shameless route of one being an art student and the other being a newd model for figure drawing. I am obviously much too classy to ever insinuate such a thing, but if someone was really looking for a way to write smuht . . . it’s sitting right there. On a table. nekkid. I HAVE TO CHANGE THE SPELLING TO MAKE THIS GO IN THE TAGS ARE YOU KIDDING ME)

Athlete AU

There are 4 major ways this one can go, I feel like:

Basically HSM: Gwen is a small part in her school’s musical (techie, maybe, or the orchestra) and lanky jock David -- which is the most hilarious phrase ever but he’s probably a runner or tennis player, something light on muscles and heavy on speed and springiness -- who’s well-mannered and cheerful but not the brightest, is put into the show as an extra-credit way to bump up his GPA so he can keep sporting his sports, and it turns out he’s both very good at and super enthusiastic about it.

A little like HSM, but as grown-ups: Gwen is the head of the drama/art department, which has just faced heavy cuts to support the superstar sports program, and she furiously storms over to the head coach’s office to let him know exactly what she thinks about him and his stupid meathead jocks. Of course, when the man who opens the door is a sweetheart beanpole with big eyes who already knows her name, she finds it hard to keep up her righteous indignation. And when it turns out that he was completely ignorant of the hit her department took from the budget cuts (or maybe not ignorant, just terminally oblivious) and is almost as upset as she is to hear about it, she’s forced to reconsider everything she’d assumed about Coach Greenwood; maybe he’s not the enemy after all, but someone with whom she can formulate a new battle plan.

Reporter/Famous Athlete AU: Either Gwen is a professional sportsball person and David is the shy, bumbling photographer eager to prove himself, or she’s the plucky, intrepid reporter and David is a good-natured professional athlete who she’s determined to interview.

Teammates AU: Professional or amateur sports team, and they’re just trying to scrape their way out of the bottom of the league without killing each other. 

Author AU

There are a lot of potential interpretations of this AU, but my personal favorite is Gwen as a novelist with two distinctly differing careers: as G. E. Santos, the high-concept writer whose books are critical darlings in the maybe 3 publications that care about such things but whose sales can’t quite crack the triple digits; and as Annabelle Elizabeth, whose steamy erotica regularly tops the bestseller lists and is reviled by all of G. E.’s colleagues as “populist genre trash.” 

The only person alive who knows about her Jekyll-and-Hyde author personas (besides her older sister Audree, who plays the part of charismatic and sensual Annabelle flawlessly) is her editor, David. He’s an odd choice, as her colleagues in both fields have pointed out -- reading her romance novels with his pen in one hand and the other covering his eyes, peeking through his fingers to write tremulous notes in the margins; stumbling through her ponderous literary works with a dictionary in his lap and his tongue between his teeth, poring through them like he’s learning a new language -- but he’s the only person Gwen will allow to touch her writing. 

Maybe it’s because he always seems like her biggest fan. Maybe it’s because she’s known him since they were at a summer camp together years ago. Maybe it’s because he believes in her in a way no one else does -- in a way she absolutely doesn’t believe in herself.

David is, for reasons she’s not entirely sure how to explain even to herself, the only person she trusts.

Avian (Bird People) AU

Centuries ago, it was said, avians were a rarity, an aberrant mutation to be locked up and intently studied but never trusted. Some people thought they were antichrists, a sign of the end times, when all normal humans would be destroyed and only the strange bird-people would remain.

In a way, maybe they were. Because when the earth’s crust ripped open and flooded the planet with magma and boiling water miles deep, avians were the only ones who could take to the sky.

Not all of them, certainly. In fact, most were locked up in detention centers and laboratories when the Swamp formed, and were unable to escape in time. Considering the people who could get to high enough elevations to escape the deluge, there were decades afterwards where the decimated human population outnumbered the avian one. Those were periods of tension, outright war and tentative alliances -- even romances, the kinds of great love stories that dragged both avian and human populations a few generations along when one or both of them should’ve died out.

That was over two hundred years ago, however. Now the Swamp is a murky expanse of scalding water and the boiled remains of civilization transformed into unrecognizable muck, with islands of “land” cobbled out of what remains. This is where the avians live, now. And humans don’t live anywhere, not anymore.

At least . . . that was what they thought.

[kpopgerapitico]

End of Year Review 2018: K-dramas Part 1

A/N: I had to break this into two parts, hence this being the starting point, and being posted today.

This year was a year of dropped dramas this year. I dropped more shows than I watched to completion, and more than you would expect. I think I finished maybe a total of 10 shows over the course of the year (9 of which are on this list), and most of the ones I dropped I will be leaving abandoned (except for the 1 that finished up this list). Suffice to say, I was underwhelmed by this years taking. And honestly, my top 10 only has like 3 or 4 shows that I don’t have major problems with, mostly in the back half of the shows.

My format takes a page from the very good Josei Next Door (if you like anime, her end of year lists are a must read, and hold many of my current favorites), and then follows my own loose commentary structure, because I can’t be bothered to organize half the time. So, anyways, here we go with the bottom half (i.e. good shows I enjoyed but I don’t love)!

Bottom 5: These shows are unordered, because I honestly had no clue of what order to put them in. So, alphabetical it is!

Come and Hug Me

Episodes: 32

Station: MBC

Director/Writer: Choi Joon Bae (The Sons), Lee A Ram

This is the only show on this list I haven’t finished. And that is in no way a comment on the show, because I really loved this show. It is the most dramatic show that I watched this year, and I was strung along for the whole damn ride. I cried, multiple times on this show, in the same episode.

Chang Ki Yong is someone I have known since his first ever role on It’s Okay That’s Love. And 4 years later, he has grown into a totally different actor. The first few episodes, I was pretty sure he was a really bad actor who had managed to get the lead role of a show on a big channel. Instead, he had his character so integrated that took a long time to reveal the layers of that character. Jin Ki Joo is beautiful and delicate and wonderful. She was completely believable from moment one, and carries tragedy so well. She also has one of my favorite clapbacks of all time (that I gifed way back when).

This show is a heart wrenching and does not let up. And I don’t usually go for shows that are quite that sad. But dammit all if this show didn’t draw me in and refuse to let me leave.

Fox Bride Star

Episodes: 32

Station: SBS

Director/Writer: Shin Woo Cheol (Gentleman’s Dignity), Kang Eun Kyung (Romantic Doctor, Teacher Kim)

In A Sentence: The trials and tribulations of the daily life of airport employees.

Okay, I will talk a bit about the main characters in the show. I love Lee Je Hoon, even if I don’t like any of the projects he has chosen since Signal. And I love Chae Soo Bin, ever since I’m Not A Robot. And they sort of mostly totally have chemistry. And the whole robot arm/leg thing is something interesting I guess.

Can you tell that the leads weren’t the reason I watched this show? Well, now that that is out of the way, let’s talk about the part of this show you should love. The Security Couple. Kim Kyung Nam and Lee Soo Kyung have enough chemistry to run the whole show, and they have the cutest storyline by a lot. I was rooting for them throughout, especially since Lee Soo Kyung’s character felt a lot like Lee Min Ki in Because This Is My First Life. Also, I need Kim Kyung Nam in a drama as the leading man in a sort of mob boss in a rom com sort of show. Because he would kill it.

The machinations of the show were often weird and didn’t fit. But the security couple. The whole asshole brother plot line was unneeded. But the security couple. Now maybe you know why I included this show.

Judge vs. Judge

Episodes: 32

Station: SBS

Director/Writer: Lee Kwang Young, Seo In

In A Sentence: The trials and tribulations of the daily life of judges.

The first half of this show is something special, and the second half is not the worst, so it deserves to be mentioned. I love the case of the week style, and more importantly the whole mentor-mentee relationship of the judges. And Yeon Woo Jin is adorable as a serious judge who plays by the book, and across from Park Eun Bin’s emotional judging. It is so redeeming after the crap that Yeon Woo Jin had to fight through last year.

Also, the whole plot line with the assistant and the judge friend was adorable, and made me giggle every time I saw their interactions.

This show is nothing to write home about, but it does well as a whole, and has a few shining moments that make it noteworthy for me this year.

My Secret Terrius

Episodes: 32

Station: MBC

Director/Writer: Park Sang Hun (Romance Full of Life), Oh Ji Young (Shopping King Louis)

In A Sentence: He is in hiding, as a nanny, because reasons.

This show was mostly a vessel to have So Ji Sub be endearingly cute the whole time. And I for one am not complaining, because that is wonderful. So Ji Sub needs to be in rom coms for the rest of his life, and I will accept nothing less.

The plot of this show mirrors that of the writer’s previous work, with quirky characters who do weird things with almost no reason and a ton of heart. And it again brings a lot of heart to a show that has no right to have any. From nose kisses with the kids, to cops that are incapable while the neighborhood moms group can catch a kidnapper, no problems. Kang Ki Young is a scene stealer when So Ji Sub isn’t on screen, and brings out some of Terrius’ funniest moments when they are together.

This show has no depth, nor should it. Enjoy it for the silly pleasure it is, as the spiritual if not actual successor as Shopping King Louis.

What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim

Episodes: 16

Station: tvn

Director/Writer: Park Joon Hwa (Because This Is My First Life), Jung Eun Young

In A Sentence: His secretary quits to live her life, and he fights to keep her.

I love the idea of this shows plot. The whole ‘my secretary quit because I’m a dick and she realized that she is worth more’. I love the adjustment to the plot that the show makes over the course of its show to ‘my secretary quit even though she realized I’m not a dick because she wants different things now’. Did the love line make sense from the start? For him sure, but definitely not for her. But once the show got past that initial weirdness, it settled into a much cuter place.

Park Seo Joon is great, because he always is, and Park Min Young is equally great in hers. They play off of each other so well, which is incredibly important for a show that is all about 1 relationship.

Do I wish that they dropped the second lead? Do I get confused by why Chansung doesn’t get more screen time as a hilarious side romance? Yes and Yes. But there is great stuff in the middle, and a solid cast in most of the roles who do great work. Don’t expect depth, but expect a nice ride.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Ready Player One review

People who say “The book is always better than the movie!” tend to be foolish people who view literature as an inherently flawless medium incapable of doing wrong. To say that, you need to ignore literature that is objectively better than the source material to the point even the authors prefer it, such as Fight Club, Jaws, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, or films that greatly improved the work they’re adapting by trimming the fat, such as V for Vendetta and (oh boy I’m probably gonna get shit for this) The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Today’s film is one such film in the latter category, directed by a man behind one of the films mentioned in the former category, a film no one except me thought would be as good as it is: Ready Player One.

The book is easily one of the most contentious novels I’ve ever seen, a truly “love it or hate it” affair. I liked the novel; I read it when I was going through a really rough time back in 2012 or so, and a lot of its themes resonated with me. It’s a cheesy, charming book that unfortunately has a few really cringey bits of writing in it and unfortunately due to its medium spends a lot of time explaining references you wouldn’t see otherwise. I’d put the book on the same level as Eragon; it’s cheesy and has some dumb writing here and there, but overall it’s enjoyable. But even I realized a film could help trim a lot of the fat of this novel and polish it into something grand, and when I heard Spielberg was at the helm I slept a lot easier, figuring that would be the case.

And it was. This movie is a lot better than the book in most regards. But let’s look at the plot first:

In the year 2045, in a world where things seem bleak and joyless, people turn to the virtual reality world of the OASIS, where they can be anyone or anything they want. Its creator, a man named Halliday, created a contest for all the people of the OASIS to take part in after he died, in which the goal was to find the ultimate Easter Egg. Whoever found the three keys and then the Easter Egg would become rich, powerful, and most importantly they would own the OASIS. Wade Watts, known in the OASIS as Parzival, is an average guy who eventually stumbles across the answer of how to get the first key. But he’s not the only person gunning after the prize; the corporation IOI and its douchey head honcho Nolan Sorrento are after total control so they can spam ads and basically make the place a microtransaction nightmare. Can Wade, with the help of his best pal Aech, his love interest Art3mis, and his buddies Daito and Sho manage to stop IOI or is this end of line for the users?

WARNING: THERE’S GONNA BE SPOILERS BELOW.

So I’m gonna go over some of the things I didn’t like in the adaptation first, which honestly mostly amount to nitpicks. The diminished importance of Rush is a bit sad, though it’s kind of understandable since all of the challenges were streamlined and simplified for the movie. That doesn’t suck as much to me as the complete cutting of the Ladyhawke segment, as this book is what introduced me to that movie and I was hoping to see some reference to it. Changing up Aech the way they did kind of diminishes the impact of her reveal, and speaking of which, a lot of characters and backstory are glossed over or ignored, most egregiously Ogden Morrow. The book went into a bit more detail into Morrow, co-creator of the OASIS, and Halliday’s relationship, but in the film Morrow is seemingly shunted aside for much of the film. I don’t think any of this really ruins the film per se, but it certainly makes it a different beast from the book.

Now, time to sing the praises of this film: the visuals are stunning. The OASIS is a major focus of the movie, as it should be, and we get to see so many creative visuals and ideas take place, as well as insane amounts of crossover characters. You’d need to freeze frame every single crowd shot to catch them all; just watching it as I did I saw Duke Nukem, Jason Voorhees, the Battletoads, Hello Kitty, Harley Quinn, the Joker, Batman, and more among the crowds. It’s a lot like Wreck-It Ralph in that regard. Frankly, I kind of wish the entire film was just in the OASIS, because all of it is just so fascinating and fun and visually appealing… special props need to go to the extended trip into The Shining, which was recreated with eerie accuracy up until the parts where things go off the rails. I think this movie may be Spielberg’s greatest achievement visually speaking.

The parts of the film that take place in the real world aren’t nearly as good, but I don’t think they were necessarily bad either. They definitely had their good moments, and they certainly helped progress the plot forward as well as being important to the film’s overall message of “Don’t ignore reality in favor of escapism, because reality is where what’s most important really is.” And a good message that is, especially in today’s day and age. Still, some of the acting in the real world can be wonky, mostly whenever Wade is having romantic moments with Samantha AKA Art3mis. They do get better as the film progresses, but their romance arc in this movie is easily a weak point with how rushed and awkward it is. Guess Ernest Cline’s co-writing credit is really shining through there.

Our main characters themselves are all fairly well done, in OASIS and outside of it, though again, Wade and Samantha’s relationship in reality is a bit awkwardly written, and it’s not much better in the OASIS though there’s some more cool visuals to help you stomach things, but overall those two are enjoyable protagonists. Aech is still as cool as ever, though I am a bit disappointed they changed her character so much it made the impact of learning she’s a black lesbian (the latter fact is there but glossed over) a lot less impactful, as instead of her avatar being a white dude, it’s a hulking cyborg ogre. Still, I can’t deny Aech is still as cool as ever. Daito and Sho are also cool and have their roles expanded a bit from the book. Better yet, Daito does not get killed, so no awkward seppuku references that will make you cringe!

The villains are pretty cool too. First up is the OASIS insider I-R0k, played by T.J. Miller in his first act of penance for The Emoji Movie. It’s so fucking funny seeing this hulking, menacing death lord with skulls and shit all over him talk in the most nerdy voice imaginable. Still, he manages to shockingly be a menacing and capable threat, unlike his lame book counterpart. Then w e have the new villainess, F’Nale Zandor, a new character created for the film who serves as big bad Nolan Sorrento’s right-hand woman, acting out his evil schemes in the real world. She’s pretty cool and badass, and plays her role well enough; she’s sort of like a low-tier Bond henchman. Then we have Nolan himself, and while he is a stereotypical 80s corporate villain – a fact that even he lampshades – it’s hard not to appreciate a villain whose online avatar looks like Senator Armstrong and who calls forth Mechagodzilla as his ride in the final battle.

Speaking of the final battle, it is absolutely epic, but there has been a bit of contention due to the inclusion of the Iron Giant, and how it somehow goes against the non-violent themes of his titular movie. Well, you can rest easy in knowing that it’s just a giant mecha being piloted by Aech, and mostly what it’s doing is protecting everyone else from Mechagodzilla. The Iron Giant vs. Mechagodzilla is the greatest matchup I never knew I wanted.

Spielberg managed to do exactly what I expected him to do: he distilled everything that was good about the book, filtered out what didn’t work, and made a fun movie out of it. I can’t really justify totally calling this a style over substance film like I could with Batman v Superman or Miss Peregrine’s, because there actually is enough substance here to be serviceable and it has a very good message about the dangers of escapism and how allowing corporations to take away the neutrality of things is bad, but it’s definitely a movie you’re gonna wanna see for all the visuals more than anything. It’s a lot like Doctor Strange in that regard.

This is a great movie. Yes, great. If you love some really fucking cool visuals and can handle tons of cheese, this is the film for you. Honestly, it’s weird, but I’d really recommend this to everyone who disliked the book; you may find in a lot of ways that this is the book done RIGHT. As for people who love the book, this may be very much a love or hate affair; me, I loved it. I honestly can’t wait to watch it again and see what other secrets and cameos I pick up on, and just to bask in the glorious visuals of the OASIS. Leave it to Spielberg to polish something like Ernest Cline’s writing and produce a diamond, or at least a gemstone of significant value. It’s not a perfect film at all, but it IS a fun, enjoyable, and exciting one… kinda like a lot of the 80s films that inspired it.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 29th April 2018

30/4, Cactus Drive, charts are live! Charts are live!

Top 10

“One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is somehow still holding steady at #1, without a video. I mean, sure, it has a lyric video, but I refuse to believe this is really succeeding this much. I haven’t heard this song more than once or twice on the radio. I don’t think this’ll last.

We have our first massive top 10 debut, with “No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande. I’ll say for now that I’m happy this has a shot at the top, but I’ll elaborate later on.

“Nice for What” by Drake appears to have stumbled a spot from last week, now at number-three, and, sadly, I don’t really think this can rebound. There’s something about this song that really isn’t very “hit song” to me.

Nono Nono by No Nono featuring No No fortunately has backed down a space to number-four.

And so as “Paradise” by George Ezra, now down to number-five. Who really cares about that song though?

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith somehow moves up a space to number-six, off of... nothing, really. I suppose people gravitate to mediocrity.

Am I happy that “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane has jumped a whopping 11 spaces to number-seven? No. No, I’m not. Am I mad? Nah, not really. Do I care? See above.

Our second massive debut here is “2002” by Anne-Marie, breaching the top 40 at number-eight. Sadly, this is probably one of the worst songs on her album, Speak Your Mind, but we’ll see how this goes with the album boost next week.

“The Middle” by Zedd and Grey featuring Maren Morris continues to make moves, three positions up to number-nine this week.

We also have the one-spot dip for “Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign to number-ten, which will quickly rebound next week because of the album Beerbongs & Bentleys finally being released.

Climbers

Two of last week’s debuts, “German” by EO and “Like I Do” by David Guetta, Martin Garrix and Brooks, have scaled up six and eight spots to #24 and #32 respectively. One’s trash, one’s treasure, but that’s the only notable thing about the climbers here. There’s only two notable jumps outside of the top 10, so let’s get straight to the falls.

Fallers

There was a damn massacre here with so many undeserving songs being destroyed this week. But I suppose for every “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Macklemore and Dan Caplen falling 10 spaces to #15, we have a “Let Me” by ZAYN dropping 17 spaces to #37 after the debut. Other falls include “God’s Plan” by Drake down six to #23, “Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie and “Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man both down 19 to #25 and #27 respectively (yikes!), as well as “Look Alive” by BlocBoy JB featuring Drake (bad week, huh?) down eight to #28, “Be Careful” by Cardi B down 11 to #35, “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa down 10 to #38 and “SAD!” by XXXSPECIALLYTERRIBLEPERSON down 10 to #39, hopefully dropping out next week. The song’s tolerable, but less X on the charts, the better, and I think everyone can agree with that.

Dropouts

As I said, absolute massacre: “What I Wanna” by MoStack from #34, “Sanctify” by Years & Years from #35, “All the Stars” by Kendrick Lamar and SZA from #39 and “Breathe” by Jax Jones featuring Ina Wroldsen from #27.

Nicki Minaj had a particularly bad week: “Chun-Li” from #26 and “Barbie Tingz” from #31.

The Greatest Showman as well, with “A Million Dreams” and “Never Enough” from #33 and #36.

Also, we have a very big milestone here for the UK charts – for the first time in ever, we have NO ED SHEERAN IN THE TOP 40! “Perfect” dropped out from #38, meaning Ginger Satan is no way near the charts... for this week only, I imagine, since the music video for “Happier” just dropped, to my dismay. Let’s enjoy it while we can, I suppose. There’s something else we’ll have to enjoy for this one week, but we’ll get to that in a bit... well, actually, right now.

Returning Entries

“I See You Shining” by Nines returned at #40. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s discuss the tragic death of pioneering and innovative DJ and talented EDM producer Avicii, who committed suicide at the very young age of 28. My heart goes out to his family, friends and fans, but I’ve grieved on Twitter, so right now, we just need to talk about the songs that returned this week, excluding “Hey Brother” because it barely missed the top 40.

#36 – “Levels” and #26 – “Wake Me Up!” (featuring Aloe Blacc) by Avicii

Out of these, “Levels” is definitely my favourite for its beautifully bright synth tones accompanied by neat handclaps and the burst of energy you come to expect from good EDM drops. It’s a simply fun, bouncy dance track that has been in rotation ever since it became big, known for its almost eerie vocal sample of Etta Jones that was later wasted by Flo Rida in his own hit song. No matter how somewhat creepy the isolated vocal sample can feel, the lyrics about getting a good feeling really put you in the mood for a head-bopping party jam. Then all the random synth tones appear and it gets somewhat all-over-the-place, and it’s just fantastic. Despite my preference, I still have to give props to “Wake Me Up!” here, with its vocals from soul singer Aloe Blacc and guitar from Mike Einziger of Incubus of all people, for defining Avicii’s signature folktronica sound, with that quickly-drowned out pumping guitar melody and Blacc’s great crooning over what seems like a simple folk ballad until the handclaps come in and you realise that this isn’t your typical folk song. No, this is an Avicii song, with the iconic synth line in the drop and a pulsing beat that shows how even though Avicii’s music was new, interesting, unique and different, he could still drop the bass as well as a bigger EDM producer like Calvin Harris, David Guetta or Tiesto. Both songs are some of the best modern electronica I’ve heard, and I’m pleased that Avicii’s legacy will live on via his catalogue of greatness. Rest in peace, Tim Bergling.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “Familiar” – Liam Payne featuring J Balvin

As much as I can’t really be bothered with the 1D boys anymore, I’m glad this charted because otherwise, despite it being a busy week, this would have been pretty boring for me. I’ve heard all of these songs before, and I don’t really care for many of them either, so I apologise if my reviews seem rushed. I’ll admit to being a broken record, especially when half of these debuts are from J. Cole, or kiLL Edward or whatever he’s going by these days. Anyway, that doesn’t matter – what do I think of Liam’s follow-up single?

I think it’s hilariously bad. There’s this autotuned mumbling from J Balvin trading vocals with Liam Payne with his Godawfully weak falsetto over this non-descript Latin pop beat. There’s one absolutely awful moment here – J Balvin, drowned in autotune, says “brain” in harmony with Liam’s less-effected voice, so it creates an unlistenable millisecond. Then J Balvin’s rap verse, because of course, where he once again mentions “Mi Gente”, his last hit. A bit desperate there, JB? This is unbearable if you want to take it seriously, but if you don’t, this is hilariously incompetent. I’d recommend this if you want a good laugh.

#30 – “Photograph” – J. Cole

J Cole went platinum with no features, and he’ll probably do it again looking at his album’s numbers... and look, the dude’s a talented MC, he’s great at the mic, and brings some great delivery and flow to the table, but most of the time, his music, especially the production, is really boring. Like, REALLY boring. I gave his most recent album a 3/10 simply because it made me not want to hear J Cole or his pitch-shifted alter-ego speak another damn word again. Is this any different?

Nope! Probably even worse, honestly, as we start with a skittering flat trap beat under J Cole’s “singing” before he starts admittedly decently rapping, despite repeating a lot of his lines – seriously, his first verse is four bars then two shorter verses that are repeated for no reason – and going somewhat off-topic (if there ever was a topic), with a delivery that seems way too infused for such a downbeat instrumental. Even Cole’s second verse is full of rhyming words with themselves and line repetition, before he repeats the second part of his first verse... Jesus, these are the worst bars I’ve heard from this guy probably ever. For someone who is big for being lyrical, this is lazy, uninteresting and most importantly, trash! Ed Sheeran’s “Photograph” is so much better, and yes, I’m endorsing Ed again and I hate myself for it.

#28 – “ATM” – J. Cole

If Cole can copy-paste verses (and songs for that matter...), does that mean I can copy-paste reviews?

After a bunch of spoken vocals from the woman who appears a lot on this album, we have what is assumingly a sample nasally singing for half a minute, until we get to J. Cole once again repeating himself as if he were a broken Tickle-Me-Elmo, with that monotonous “count it up, count it up, count it up, count it” hook over rattling hi-hats and other trap-rap clichés, and subtly autotuned verses, until there’s a complete silence... and the beat doesn’t even change. That’s not how a beat switch either works or is supposed to impress, Cole. Typically, there’s a transition and you know, an actual production alteration. Come on, learn from Kendrick and get James Blake on the phone. I think you need him. Oh, yeah, after this beat “switch”, he also discusses abortion right before saying his Rolex is scorching, because consistency in the verse’s topics don’t exist, apparently. Once again, I get the appeal, but I don’t want to bore myself anymore. Thankfully, J. Cole debuted another track which I actually quite like.

#17 – “KOD” – J. Cole

This is the title track from his latest album, which is fitting because it encompasses what J. Cole does throughout the album – repeat himself over trap beats. However, this time, Cole repeats himself over trap beats incredibly well, with straightforward spitting and a really catchy hook that ends up just being a slightly flawed trap banger. The second verse repeating itself a lot was a bit unnecessary, and the brief racist slur was... questionable, but he definitely had good intentions there, I think. No matter what he’s doing, Cole succeeded once in this album to make a song that bumps without being boring or even having deeper subject matter. It’s just a great, fun song – the only one we’re getting from Cole this week. Oh, yeah, and the female vocals come back on the outro with kiLL Edward for some kind of weird interlude thing on the album. I’m not complaining, just questioning.

#8 – “2002” – Anne-Marie

Boring pop singer with Caribbean inflections shoehorns references from some of the 1990s’ and 2000s’ biggest pop songs (none of which came out in 2002, by the way) to write a somewhat cringeworthy chorus, with nothing else of note in the verses or instrumental. Do I really need to say anything else? I mean, there’s awkward guitar loops, trap hi-hats, ugly synth tones and fake handclaps as producer Steve Mac’s pathetic excuse for a beat, I suppose... but yeah, this is nothing more than a short interlude on a mediocre album, that probably should not have been released as a single. Like the album, the only real comment I have on this is that it exists, and my life would not change if it didn’t.

#2 – “No Tears Left to Cry” – Ariana Grande

The lyrics here are pretty vague, and I’m not really a fan of the initial effects on her voice, but yeah, this picks up with a funky synth melody and a fast seemingly ‘90s dance-influenced drum pattern, while Grande doesn’t bother enunciating yet somehow still performs fantastically, even on the hook which has much less variation from the verses for my taste, yet is still decent, and the choruses after the first definitely try to improve that with some extra synth noise, but for now, I think I’ll continue to like this for pretty much no reason other than how great the instrumental is on the verse and how much I love Grande’s vocal performance here. I’m indifferent otherwise, and I have no real comment on this. It’s still good, though, I’m not sure entirely what to think of it or its longevity. Sorry for this review being a bit scattered but I’m kind of conflicted here. In fact, I’m sort of confused. Let’s just say that this is decent and move on before I get an aneurysm.

Conclusion

I really want to give Avicii Best of the Week and Honourable Mention, but that’s not how this show works so I guess it goes to J. Cole for “KOD”, with Honourable Mention going to Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left to Cry”. The Dishonourable Mention is probably “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin, which is entertaining in its lack of quality enough for me to rank it above the Worst of the Week, “Photograph” by J. Cole. What do I predict? Hopefully Janelle Monáe, probably Post Malone. Hopefully Green Day fans can get “American Idiot” to return in time for Trump’s UK visit, probably they’ll fail miserably. We’ll see next week. Goodbye!

[solyoga-blog]

I Have Seen the Light

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I wasn’t always so woo-woo - talking about love, consciousness and connection! But yoga has worked its power on me.  I went for it.  Hard core. 

But not right away.  I LOVE this talk,  First the Pain, Then the Rising, but Glennon Doyle Melton, Author of a book called Love Warrior.  She asks the question, what if we didn’t run from our pain?

And of course, the reason I like this talk is because its wonderful to talk about pain, after the pain has stopped. 

When we left Frederick at the end of 2013, I did not want to go.  It was a real life surrender experiment and a deep meditation to put my own desires aside, pack up my homes, throw my babies over my shoulders and embark on this adventure to New Caledonia (if you were like me and had no idea where that was, click here) 

My body left Frederick that snowy winter day, but 95% of me stayed behind for a long, long time.  

And that separation has caused a great deal of pain.  Living in the past, wishing what was in front of me was different and navigating a lack of perceived control - all thrust me into an opportunity for growth.  

I go internal to process.  Classic sort of shut down and hole up type.  And lucky for me, yoga has meditation.  It’s no accident that I started a daily meditation practice almost precisely before I learned we were moving.  I had just had a baby.  I was losing my mind (for the third time), sleep deprivation, thoughts of leaving my cocoons and oh my god, the NEEDS of small babies, my business, my home, my body, etc.  It was all just crushing.  Crushing.  

And I had no time. 

Not 1 minute to myself.  Not with a newborn. 

But something inside me knew this was important. So I started.  20 minutes everyday.  It wasn’t always 20 min straight, or sitting up even, or happy or easy, or anything that you might think.  

But four years of meditation has really been 4 years of processing shit.  Some days, it’s just replenishing the well before I go pick up the kids.  Some days its running from my fears.  Some days it’s facing my biggest fears. Some days its making friends with reality. Shedding expectations.  Dissolving boundaries.  Witnessing myself in action.  

Long story short, moving abroad has been a pain in the ass, a dagger to the heart and the most incredible growth opportunity I have ever had.  

And we are not talking the kind of pain that I am curled up in a ball and wailing, or the kind of debilitating body pain that some people have.  But the kind of chronic pain, that just keeps you under the water. The dull ache of mediocrity, the angst of feeling out of alignment or incongruent.  Sadness and depression.  The kind of pain where everything ‘is fine’ Lackluster.  A headache, a back ache.  Dissatisfaction with other people.  Tiredness.  

But I made it hard.  I did that to myself.  Because the truth is on Instagram. (of course).   It really does look that way.  New Caledonia is a fairyland of white sand and turquoise beaches, beautiful French women and attractive Polynesian men.  We have a coconut, paypaya and lemon tree in our yard. The sun shines almost all the time, the coral is alive, my kids are healthy and have happy lives and my husband loves his life.  

Those Instagram pictures capture THE PRESENT.  But our minds can so easily live outside of the present. Behind or in front of that moment, that image.  Its easy enough to be surrounded by external beauty, but not there at all. 

Fortunately, I did allow 5% of me (the part that my husband knew he could appeal to) to arrive in New Caledonia and welcome the fairyland of white sand and turquoise beaches.  A postcard view everywhere.  

And that 5% grew and grew and grew.  Every single time I would lean into the present, I would get a nice gift. 

And so I started leaning more.  Trusting in the unknown, which is only found in the present.

About 19 months in, I realized I wasn’t thinking about Frederick so much.  But that realization alone was terrifying.  Some part of me wanted to stay stuck.  Stuck in longing. If I let go, what did that mean?  Did it invalidate my love of Frederick, my family, my job?  And worse, did it mean that my husband was right?!!  

The dissolving continued for a while.  The pain persisted, but there were cracks.  My body, which held chronic pains for so long was beginning to heal.  

And it should be noted, that I am not just sitting alone in a cave. I have been an active seeker. I have coaches, mentors, teachers, therapists. I take trainings, listen to lectures, read books, study.  I go to a proper yoga studio, practice yoga asana and pranayama, live Ayurvedically,  get accupunture and shirodhara, workout, get massage and see osteopaths.  And perhaps most importantly, I have deep, nourishing relationships.  Sitting alone for 20 minutes everyday does not cut it.  I would just be wallowing around in my own funk if that were the case. 

My trips home to Frederick would start to reveal that I could indeed love more than one place, more than one life.  It’s like that fear you have before you have a second child.  Worried that you might not love them as much as the first.  Which is absurd, but your mind thinks its possible. 

And that cracking open to the possibility of loving two lives was a radical opening to the vast expanse of the cliché notion of ONE LOVE. Maybe Bob Marley was on to something after all.   I could love ALL OF LIFE.  ALL PEOPLE. regardless of circumstance or time or place.  Duh.  My resistance to change and narrow set of beliefs had me in my own little prison.  

This awareness is like a tree that’s fallen, or a glass that’s shattered, the knowledge can’t be un-known.  

And so, first the pain, then the rising.  

The rising is fun.  The awakening is a rebirth.  Supercharged.  Manic even. 

Supported by the powerful community of Sol Yoga that inspires me every single day to live my yoga. I’ve had the pleasure of a spiritual re-awakening these past few years.  LIVING my yoga off the mat has been radical and liberating.  Sharing that experience with other seasoned practioners in our Advanced Yoga Teacher Training program and all of our incredible leaders (the celebrated ones and the unknown ones) has allowed me to really begin embodying the deeper limbs and practices of yoga.  

When you realize you can simply change your mind, release a belief that is holding you back, choose love instead of fear, not react even though you are triggered as hell, have the faith to say yes even when you are terrified - wow. It can be euphoric.  Life goes from lackluster to alive. 

 I’ve wasted a lot of my life trying to control what goes on outside of me. My schedule, my husband, my children, my body, etc.  Its pretty normal I think.  We desire security and order and we are led to believe if we try hard enough, we’ll get it and everything will be fine.  In a sense, I’ve been Looking for love in all the wrong places.  But the practice of yoga has done what it does.  For me it started with the body, the asana, and has taken me deep inside to the place of perfection that is irrespective of the outside.  Its perfect there. And here’s the MOST beautiful thing.  It’s in you too.  And I’ll meet you there, as Rumi says. 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Rumi.

Namaste, 

The light in me, sees the light in you. 

Love,

dorcas

[goamiranada-blog]

Dear HFTF...

Hi again! Guess this is going to be a very long post. You may bear to read or just skip it out hehehe. I am specifically grateful to be surrounded by my amazing friends, HFTF.

Well, HFTF stands for Hope For The Future social project which we were first gathered up back then in 2014. With them, I find that to be happy is a lot easier, I can just laugh as easy as open my mouth up and giggling. Yup this because of their level of craziness is beyond compare. Hold on, we are not only having fun all along because we always have something positive to discuss every time we meet.

For me, as an ISFJ personality, I could not get along with many people. It took me ages to finally open myself to these bunch of people. I really can be myself as easy as I am with them. Now, no wonder that I only have few real friends who I can always count on. I will always thank every single individual in HFTF, they all contribute to my development in their own way. They are really bright and inspiring person. So yeah I just want to write how I feel about having them. Anyway, if they happen to read this, enjoy! Here you go.

1.    Dessy or Barbara or I call her Dut.

I have known her ever since the second year of college I guess. I still remember that we contacted each other by DM twitter, huh? Back then, you really unconfident of her capability in handling things. But now, I know she’s been transforming a lot! She becomes a very confident and bright person. I know it took her ages to finally reach to this point. It has been almost a year, she becomes Pemuda Penggerak Desa in Desa Marikapal, Halmahera Selatan. She took much courage to volunteer there, get disconnected with the prosperous life she has in Bandung, and contribute to teach the kids at the edge of Indonesia. I could not be more proud of her. Even though her unconfidence come over and she feels down, I am sure she will always stand up and move forward once again. I thank you for always inspiring me, Dut! You are definitely my companion in going through that suck pre-quarter life crisis that we always talk about.

2.    Faiz Abdul Karim

Guess I also still remember vividly how we met for the first time, it was in his faculty which I had to visit for my project. That day was really sucked until I happened to be crying in front of the room, and he passed by asking me why. Was it really you, Iz? Or did I mistaken haha that was embarrassing tho. The second meeting was when he visited my faculty for applying for AIESEC and you wore your red t-shirt if I’m not mistaken hahaha. Long story short, you become one of us in HFTF. Well, the more I know him (because we talk a lot about almost everything before he moved to his hometown), I notice him as one of the brightest people I know. I don’t really get it when he is oftenly feeling down because he said he is not good enough. Even though I know he’s been struggling a certain battle only he knows how to deal with. But you know what? He is in fact very smart to the point of capable of doing anything. He is sooo good in designing, engaging people, and so advanced in English. He’s also so damn good in writing (he is about to publish his novel soon I guess, aamiin!) he knows exactly what he wanna do in life. I remember one thing from him for sure, that I already got everything in me, I just have to believe in myself. As you know, I don’t have that high confidence as his. Yeah anyway, good luck for anything you fight for, iz!

3.    Tanto Hariyanto or I called him Tans

I also clearly remember how I met this guy the first time, it was 4 years ago I guess? The first impression of him was that his arrogance to the point of I talked about him with Barbara. Then, the more I know about him, he is not that arrogant. He changed so so much! I know and notice that he is learning how to respect others more. Oh, if I can compare, I can’t believe that I can get along with that kind of guy. But you know, we oftenly misjudged people most of the time. It is not because of a person is bad, it is just we need more time to get to know each other and understand him/her. And that is what happens with me and Tanto. If I can mention, he also really knows what he wants in life and after life. He is aware of what things that can help him for his after life; always be beneficial for others. He always gets bright ideas to contribute more to the society, not only thinking of how society give back to him. As I know, he’s a family man, he knows how to treat people, engage people and spread the positivity. He’s one of the ambitious people I know. I am really glad that now he listens to others more than that he did in the past. It is always so good to talk to him personally. I always get insights even though the very basic but essential. You’ll leave soon, won’t you? So yeah take a good care of yourself, Tans!

4.    Pia Fildzah Vania or I called him Piaw

She is one of my college classmates actually, so I know her long before I know the rest of the members. She’s also very bright, super creative, a good mediator, a good cooker, a thinker (to the point she over thinks almost everything, you know this is not good, don’t you Piw?. She’s a very good listener (but you’d better meet her in person, cause if you tell her stories via chat, don’t expect she’ll respond in a long sentence, guess that her virtual skills are not so good haha). She is also a dreamer and very idealistic but at the same time lack of confidence (in some cases only tho). I have ever clashed with her once in college time, but that’s what make us get closer to each other I assume. I can only say that, what ever happens to you right now and in the future, I believe you’ll always beat it, Piw. I know that. So, don’t be overthinking, okay! Allah knows the best for you!

5.    Tresna Firman Erlangga

I basically remember the first time I met each of HFTF members. This one, I met Tresna for the first time in front of the library for AIESEC application. Could not imagine that we close to each other up until now. I worked with him on some projects and he’s really smart and passionate. Despite the craziness he brings up for the team, he is really caring. Even though he is childish, but he knows exactly what he wants in life and me proud of him. He’s pretty much annoying tho, because Tresna and Puput tease me a lot but that’s fine because they both bring happiness to the team. He is also really really fashionable! If you want to know recommended places in Bandung, you should ask him haha. I envy him that I have never been once caught him in a bad mood, sad face or whatever it is. I guess he’s able to manage his emotions very well. Tres, don’t forget that New York or London are waiting for you. Yuk belajar lagi IELTS nya hahaha nahloh...

6.    Annisa Utami Putri or Puput

Puput is actually my classmate but we get closer because of this team, whereas I remember I clashed with her too once in the college. She is in the same level of craziness as Tresna (fyi, they can laugh for nothing for so long! In spite of able of knowing what she wants, she should be reminded by others otherwise it will take her too long. I envy her for being able to stay cool and not thinking of what others’ think of her. She’s good at managing and leading people cause that’s what she loves. Well, good luck for the dream job and dream man you wish for, Put! Bet you’ll nail it. But please, finish that last duty you promise to your parents and yourself. You can do it, I know that!

7.    Andi Hilman Fahmi

He originally came from Lampung but also half Tasikmalaya. I don’t know if my memory of first time meeting him was right, but I guess it was in the angkot after one of AIESEC event. He was happened to go to the same college as mine, so we talked, and long story short he also became one of these people I write about. He basically crazy cause in his silent he usually pops up some garing jokes. He runs a coffee business named Berudu coffee originally from his hometown, Lampung. Andi is really kind and also strives for excellence as he will have his graduation this August, earlier than I thought. Good job, Andi! I wish you won’t give up with your IELTS and get in your way to continue study in Aussie!

8.    Wine Anita Tesa

Last but not least, the youngest member of all, Wine! She is incredibly bright and awes many people as always. She frequently challenges herself for the opportunity in front of her. She initiates social projects named Garis Tawa which concerning in education and soft skill development. She’s been abroad for some times and that was really cool! Recently, she is selected as Juara Kedua Duta Bahasa Jawa Barat 2017, congrats! She always fights for excellence which makes us proud. Go forward for whatever it is you have ahead. Heard that you are heading to Vietnam soon, good luck Wine!

Sooo, that very very long writing comes to an end. I am writing this as my personal reminder (as you know sometimes I easily forget things). I know, not all of you will read this, but that is what I am thinking of you guys. More importantly, if you are happened to be on your lowest point of your life, you might think of this as a boost up spirit from me. Cause you all guys are amazing! Moreover, we should also accept the fact that the older we get, the more limited time for us to have a proper meeting. We might not cross path as often as we used to be, right? I want to say, wherever you are, keep shining! I thank you a lot for being with me these past years! I really cherish you all, I really am.