#but mm. thinking more on it gotta do some more research

[bearflowerr]

the true part of me wants to make LotusClan’s Bane take place in an old english portion of land where i can describe ruins and old stone buildings so it can fit the shakespearean vibes im trying to portray but the evil part of me is telling me to make this story take place in Florida

[jacks347]

(Is this stupid enough to be considered a crack fic?? Idk, we're going with it)

To say Hipswitch was surprised to see a woman sitting in his base next to Albus would be an overstatement.

Now, to say he was surprised to see said woman be so...dressed while sipping a cup of tea, that was accurate.

He'd never seen the demon bring back anyone who wore so many layers. Hell, now that he was really thinking about it, he hadn't really seen Albus bring back anyone at all. From the headscarf covering her hair to the skirt that brushed at her ankles and all the fabric and layerage of jewelry in-between, Hipswitch was getting warm just watching her.

The woman turned, smiling politely at him. She was rather pretty, warm brown skin with dark green eyes. Not necessarily someone he'd consider Albus’s type but everyone had their exceptions. "Hello there. You must be Hipswitch." Her voice was quiet and flowed like honey. She reminded Hipswitch of the ladies of the church in town, always speaking softly with inviting smiles. Definitely not Albus’s usual type. What, had he really gotten that bored?

"That I am. And who might you be?" Hipswitch took a seat across from the odd duo, eyes darting between the two in bewilderment. Albus huffed out a laugh, wrapping an arm around the woman's shoulders. "This is Faith. She a, ah, friend of mine." The woman, Faith, rolled her eyes with a small chuckle. "Mm, sure, friend. Let's go with that." She hummed as she took a sip of her tea.

Hipswitch nodded slowly, still going back and forth between them. It was very strange but he couldn't say he didn't appreciate the change. Hell, he welcomed it. Faith was polite, she was far more dressed than he expected, and she seemed very sweet. It almost brought a tear to Hipswitch's eye. "Well it's very nice to meet you. I've gotta say Albus, she's certainly a might better for you than the others from the whore house."

There was an audible beat of silence before it was broken by both a roar of laughter from Albus and a rather impressive spit take from Faith who was now coughing like mad as she tried to regain her composure while Albus was nearly doubled over in hysterics. Hipswitch was left rather confused, not exactly understanding why what he said had caused such a visceral reaction. "Did I say something wrong?"

The statement only made Albus laugh harder as Faith finally recovered, her cheeks flaming red and her face a heavy mask of embarrassment before kicking Albus in the shin. "Stop laughing! I've never been so mortified in all my life." She dropped her face into her hands, shaking her head before pulling herself back up. "How do I put this lightly..." Faith mumbled as Albus’s laughter finally petered off. "Oh Switchy, Faith is a sister paladin." He corrected, making Hipswitch raise an eyebrow in confusion. "A what?"

"A nun." Came a surprised voice, making Hipswitch jump as he turned to find the source of it. "Hey Doc, how long have you been standing there? Almost gave me a heart attack. And how do you know that?" The doctor leaned against the doorframe, staring at Hipswitch with a wide-eyed expression between shock and horror. "When Albus came on I decided to do some research on the medical practices of New Tennessee. Maybe there would be something there to help better treat Albus if I needed to. And well, most of the information was from or about the sister paladins. They're the main form of healthcare, they're essentially priestesses who learn medicine to take of the knight paladins. But they're known to treat anyone who comes to their temples." The realization slowly dawned on Hipswitch, his eyes widening as it did. No wonder she reminded him so much of the women of the church, she was one of them! Oh he fucked up. He fucked up bad.

"So, in case you missed it in that grand fucking speech, you just called a nun a hooker directly to her face." Albus clarified, though he really didn't need to. Faith sighed, the initial embarrassment fading into a kind of indignant rage. "Can I slap him?" Albus snorted a laugh, flashing a sly grin at Hipswitch. "Oo, watch out there Switchy. She's got a mean backhand and I'm almost willing to let her do it. You kind of deserve it." Hipswitch wished he could disappear. "I-I am so sorry ma'am! I would never think of implying you would be that kind of woman, I just assumed-" He spluttered an embarrassed apology, making Albus burst into another round of hysterical laughter as Faith cut him off with a shake of her head. "Don't apologize, I know you didn't mean it. You worked with what you knew, I can't blame you for that. Though I do still want to slap you. And you do kind of deserve it."

Faith got to her feet stiffly, fixing the layers of her outfit and narrowing her eyes at a still laughing Albus. "I think I've seen enough of Maya for one day. I've got to pick Kerano up from school." She leaned down to poke a finger into the warrior's chest. "Don't make me come back out here to check up on you. Had me worried sick for nothing." Albus’s laughter faded as he lightly smacked her hand away. "Gods, yes, I know. I won't, I promise." She nodded with a satisfied huff before turning to the doctor. "I'm glad I could help with your research, you know how to reach me if you have any more questions." "Of course! Thank you again, Sister. It's been very insightful having you here. I should go continue to look over those notes." He turned and headed back into his office as Faith turned to Hipswitch. "And you." Hipswitch gulped, expecting the worst. Maybe that slap Albus had warned him about. "Maybe actually talk to someone before assuming they're some kind of common hooker. I take my faith very seriously and even if I didn't, I'd be far outside of his price range." She smiled warmly before turning on her heel and heading for the door. "See you again boys!"

Albus’s head dropped back onto the couch with a snort. "Outside my price range, she's crazy." He muttered. Hipswitch quietly got up and moved closer to punch Albus in the chest, making the demon wheeze out a breath as his head snapped up to glare at him. "Fucking hell, what was that for?" "For not warning me! I made a damn fool of myself in front of a nun because of you!" "Well, she's not really a nun, she's a priestess." "Regardless! She's a woman of faith and I disrespected her in the worst way possible!" Albus waved his concerns off. "Ah don't sweat it. Give it a week, she'll be laughing over it. It was damn funny." "You're actually the worst, you know that?" "Oh I am well aware Switchy. You're not the first to notice." Hipswitch could only roll his eyes. Why did he have to care about this idiot so much? "Okay but tell me one thing." "Whatcha got Switchy?" "Have you actually slept with her?" "Would you be jealous if I said yes?" "Albus..." Albus chuckled lowly, shaking his head. "Sorry Switchy, this is one time I don't kiss and tell. That's up to you to figure out." He confessed with a shrug. "Out of all the escapades you've rambled on about, this is the one you keep quiet about?" "Faith is different, okay? She...she deserves to not have her story told. So I won't." He defended. Hipswitch sighed in defeat, stepping back. "I'll never understand how your head works." "Good, I don't either. So looks like we'll both be confused."

(...idfk how to end this so this is what you get. Yes I made this entire thing because there is a non-zero chance that Hipswitch would assume Faith is a hooker the first time he met her and that was so damn funny to me)

[good-chimes]

THE H.T.G.Y. FILES

Project team notes: Vat growth stage has been successful. Please note project is titled Human Tactical Ground-unit Y (H.T.G.Y.) and this is the only designation that should be used. Lab technicians who continue to use slang term hotguy will be written up. 

Senior researcher CUB-135 has been called in to consult. Please give him access to all non-sensitive files.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Well, hello there!

CUB-135: Hi. How’s it, uh. How’s it going?

HTGY: How’s it going? Huh, that’s the first time someone’s asked me that. Wait a minute. I know that one. How’s it going. Oh, oh, I got it. It’s going great!

CUB-135: …Cool.

HTGY: Yeah. Yeah. Isn’t it great to be alive and awake? How’s it treating you?

CUB-135: It’s magnificent.

HTGY: [laughing] Magnificent. Oh, I like that. Who are you, my friend?

CUB-135: I’m a consultant. Cub-one-three-five. The project team dragged me in because I wrote the genome.

HTGY: Consultant…. So you’re the one who does their thinking for them, huh?

CUB-135: [surprised laugh] Yeah.

HTGY: Well, I’m telling you, they need it. Buncha people prodding me to see if I can stand up! You can just ask that, can’t you? A man’s gotta have space, Cub. A man’s gotta do things under his own steam.

CUB-135: Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

HTGY: [conspiratorial] Here’s a question. Got a lot of things in my head, Cub. The ol’ memory’s all messed up. I’m new, right?

CUB-135: You’re new. That’s right.

HTGY: I thought so! How new?

CUB-135: Uhh… three days? Three days and two hours.

HTGY: Thank you! Finally. Can’t get a straight answer out of anyone here.

CUB-135: …you want your genome notes?

HTGY: Boy, do I! What’s a genome?

CUB-135: Uh. Okay. Let’s see what we can do. I need some files. A lotta files.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Oh, we have to stop.

CUB-135: Yeah?

HTGY: That noise means I gotta be somewhere.

CUB-135: Mm.

HTGY: Just more prodding and check-ups, I guess. Can’t take long. Come back, okay? I'll be here, at least I guess I'll be here. I've been here all the time so far. Tomorrow?

CUB-135: …

CUB-135: Alright. Tomorrow.

+

DEATH COUNT: 1

+

Project team notes: First trial (subject vs two skeletons obtained from Lab 2E spawner) did not meet expectations. Subject (H.T.G.Y.) is slow to grasp the basics of hand-to-hand combat despite neural implants. Speed below benchmark. Precision poor. Regeneration not fast enough to alter outcome of combat.

Although a disappointing start to the project, there are promising leads in some areas. Combat abilities expected to improve through repetition. Deficiencies in combat conversely allow better collection of regeneration data.

Subject observation: when returned to room, subject spent six hours seated and unmoving. Scheduling next test for tomorrow.

+

[CUB-135 OBSERVATIONS]

note to self, find a way to phrase: ‘he was a project for faster injury regeneration, you fucking amateurs, nothing in that genome makes him magically good at fighting’ in a way that doesn’t include the phrase ‘you fucking amateurs’. difficult problem. 

going back in. this one will be less fun.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Hey, it’s Mister Does-The-Thinking! Cub, hey, Cub!

CUB-135: Hey.

HTGY: You’re looking serious today. What’s up?

CUB-135: I’m good. I’m good.

HTGY: That’s what I like to hear. Can’t have the big-brain guy down in the dumps.

CUB-135: How was yesterday?

HTGY: Ohhh. Yesterday, Cub, yesterday. I don’t think I’m that good at fighting. There were a lot of very unhelpful skeletons, Cub. A lot of them! Really mean! I think it’s going to be regular. I am not looking forward to that.

CUB-135: Mm.

HTGY: Any chance you can make it, y’know. Fewer monsters? They hurt.

CUB-135: Sorry, man. I don’t set the tests.

HTGY: Naw, I didn’t think so. You don’t look like a guy in charge.

CUB-135: Is that right?

HTGY: You’re just, you know [hand gesture] … laid back. I like that about you.

CUB-135: Uh.

HTGY: So. Cub. Cub, Cub, Cub.

CUB-135: …yeah?

HTGY: I’ve got this thing in my head. The sky.

CUB-135: The sky? Like… all of it?

HTGY: I dunno! You people put some pictures in my memories when you made me, I think. Horizons, clouds—I know they’re made of water, but how does that work? I saw a bit during the fight and it was kind of grey? Talk me through clouds, Cub. You’re good at explaining. And the rest of it! Where does it stop? What’s above it?

CUB-135: Oh, dude. Let me tell you… let me tell you about space.

+

To: +Team_Members_HTGY_Project

From: CUB-135

Y’all,

I looked at your trial notes. Project lead asked for my thoughts. My thoughts:

- inefficient; - could get the same regeneration data from tissue samples; - waste of skeletons.

You want to find another way. The combat unit thing was doomed from the start. If you want a supersoldier you should start over with a ravager.

have a real one,

Cub

+

Project team notes: One-month project milestone. Consultancy from CUB-135 has started to be more of a problem than an asset. Unfortunately he is the only one who understands how to process the regeneration data so assistance remains necessary for now. Upskilling of team analysts in progress.

Test continue. H.T.G.Y. has been given a variety of weapons and results range from abysmal (sword) to mediocre (bow). Subject has so far lost to every creature put in front of him. If the combat goals of this project are to be met, a better training regime will be needed.

On a separate note: great interest from sponsors in mid-combat regeneration data. A variety of tests has been requested.

+

New data storage links: EXPLOSION (creeper) – File CR93; FIRE BURN (wood) – File FR02; FIRE BURN (other) – File FR03; BLOOD LOSS – File IN20; VENOM – File VM07, UNCATEGORIZED – UN45-UN51.

+

DEATH COUNT: 23

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: You know what the problem is?

CUB-135: I can guess?

HTGY: I’m so bored.

CUB-135: Okay. Didn’t see that coming.

HTGY: I’m so bored. Honestly, I’m bored most of the time. Except when I’m getting killed, which isn’t great either. Or when you’re here—you know I appreciate you, Cub, you’re a great guy, don’t get me wrong. But you’re only around every couple of days, and it’s the bits in between.

CUB-135: Mm.

HTGY: Can’t you clone yourself, or something, and leave one here?

CUB-135: Nah, outside my specialism. Hm. You talked to Mumbo much? Mumbo’s always around.

HTGY: The lab system?

[null]: Hello. Can I answer a query?

HTGY: Oh, hi, Mumbo. Yeah, I’ve talked to Mumbo. But let’s be honest, he’s not much of one to start conversations. I can never think of things to ask.

[null]: What I can communicate to subjects on this level has been restricted by administrators.

HTGY: See?

CUB-135: Get him to show you… I dunno. Cat videos. Space stuff. Forests. They won’t have locked that down.

HTGY: Forests. Yeah! Okay. Mumbo?

[null]: I’m allowed to show pictures of forests. How’s this?

HTGY: Look at that. So green. So many trees! How close is that picture from here?

CUB-135: Kinda nearby, I think. Looks like a research shot from where they caught the spiders. Lots of the wild subjects in here came from close by.

HTGY: Amazing. Hey, Cub, can you get them to take me to a forest? Tree training! Beat the spiders in their own home!

CUB-135: Why not? I’ll ask.

HTGY: They’ll say no. But it’s good to think of it out there.

+

Project team notes: Six-month project milestone. Useful data continues to accumulate. HTGY has improved with bow and crossbow, and survival rate has risen to one in ten encounters.

Unfortunately, a new issue has arisen in subject cooperation. Most tests are set up to incentivize survival, making attitude irrelevant. However non-lethal tests require participation, which has previously been forthcoming from the subject, until yesterday when he refused to participate at all.

CUB-135 seems to have a rapport. Suggest he talks with subject to encourage better attitude. This would be the first useful thing CUB-135 has done in weeks.

+

DEATH COUNT: 97

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

CUB-135: Hey. What’s up.

HTGY: Oh. Hey.

CUB-135: Not feeling it today?

HTGY: I knew it. I know why you’re here. I know why they sent you to talk to me.

CUB-135: Try me.

HTGY: It was a cat, Cub. I’ll take the fights. I’ll take the training machines, they break half the time anyway. I’ll take the spiders and the skeletons and the creepers and the fact I know way too much about what my bones look like. But I’m not shooting a cat! I don’t care if it’s safe target practice. I’m not doing it!

CUB-135: Yeah. Okay.

HTGY: …

CUB-135: So what do you wanna talk about today?

HTGY: You’re not gonna try and convince me?

CUB-135: Naw.

HTGY: Cub, I’m not shooting anything that’s not trying to kill me.

CUB-135: Yeah, I know.

HTGY: You know?

CUB-135: I read your test notes. I can guess.

HTGY: Aw, you read my test notes? You care! Don’t pretend you don’t, I can see through it.

CUB-135: What can I say. You’re an interesting guy.

HTGY: I knew it! Oh, hey, Cub, you know what? I came up with a new name for myself. What do you think—[dramatic hand gesture]—Scar.

CUB-135: …

HTGY: Cool, right?

CUB-135: Scar. Yeah. It’s cool.

+

Project team notes: CUB-135 entirely unhelpful. Schedule escalation meeting with bioprojects lead.

+

[message log start]

Lead (bioprojects): Well, you got what you originally wanted. You’re off the HTGY project.

cub-135: wait, what?

Lead (bioprojects): You’re no longer permitted in the labs on that level. I need you to turn in your badge for reprogramming.

cub-135: oh man

cub-135: here’s the thing

cub-135: i lost it

Lead (bioprojects): You lost your BADGE?

cub-135: yeah i’ve just been following people through the access doors

Lead (bioprojects): That’s against all policy. I don’t think that’s even possible. How do you get lunch?

cub-135: cheat code on the cash register. up up down down A B.

Lead (bioprojects): You’re not funny. Find your badge and turn it in to get your HTGY level access revoked.

cub-135: oh yeah. i’ll get to that.

Lead (bioprojects): You’re lucky you’re good at your job.

cub-135: just trying my best here, man

Lead (bioprojects): No interference. If the team complain to me about you again, you’re getting demoted to junior lab tech. Leave the project alone.

cub-135: sure boss.

cub-135: you got it.

[Lead(bioprojects) has disconnected]

+

Project Team Notes: Eight-month project milestone. Sponsors pleased with regeneration data. Two papers have been published to modest but positive reception.

After period of progress with HTGY’s survival rates in combat, improvement has levelled off. Subject appears to have less energy for reasons that are unclear. Random observational checks found subject watching cat videos at all hours of the day. Changes in diet and test structure have been tested to no effect. Rest time has been experimentally increased.

+

DEATH COUNT: 167

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Hey, Cub! Long time no see!

Cub: Yeah, sorry, man. Some admin bullshit.

HTGY: Your badge looks different.

Cub: Made it myself. How’s the tests?

HTGY: Oh, let’s not talk about those. You know what, I actually decided I’m not going to remember something if it’s not worth it. All the fights are the same and they keep doing them. So! I’ve been thinking. Cub. Cub. I want a cat. Can I get a cat?

Cub: …

HTGY: Just a little one. I’ve seen some options. Mumbo has pictures. 

Cub: Dunno, dude. I can try. Might be tricky.

HTGY: [sigh] I guess you’re right. It…wouldn’t be happy, would it? Yeah. We can’t have that.

CUB: Sorry.

HTGY: No, no, it’s all right. I don’t want to make something unhappy. It was just a thought. 

CUB-135: What’s on the screen?

HTGY: [brightens up] Oh, this? Dude, I wanted to show you this! Mumbo has this drawing program where you can build houses. This is my idea for a forest house. I think you could do it with three kinds of wood and you could have, you know, all these trees over it. What do you think? I mean, I know we’ll never see a forest. But imagine it in your mind.

CUB: … You know what, my friend, you’re really something.

HTGY: Why thank you. You could say the same of yourself—come on, Cub, don’t be shy. Take the compliment!

CUB-135: I don’t—

[silence]

HTGY: Don’t what?

CUB-135: [abruptly] I dunno how much more I can take.

HTGY: …

CUB-135: I—what am I even doing? What are we doing? There’s nothing to change. There’s no way to change anything.

HTGY: … You could get me a cat.

CUB-135: I can’t! I can barely get around the access readers! I can’t even get into the project files! Ten years of research and I feel dumb, Scar, I could solve everything until I couldn’t. What would you do if you weren’t in here? Man, that’s such a stupid question. I don’t even know what I’d do if I wasn’t in here. My references are gonna be shot. Maybe I should have paid attention to something else, maybe I should have done anything else—

HTGY: I’d like to see some forests.

CUB-135: Huh?

HTGY: You said ‘what would I do’. I’d go and see some forests.

CUB-135: …

CUB-135: Forests, huh.

HTGY: Anyway, that’s not going to happen, so I guess we don’t want to waste time on it! They need you here. And you guys need me here. Right?

CUB-135: …

HTGY: Right, Cub-one-three-five?

CUB-135: Y’know something, Scar? Sometimes I think you do more thinking more than you let on.

HTGY: Huh? Naw. Why’s your badge gone red?

CUB-135: Oh shit. Shit. I gotta go.

+

[message log start]

cub-135: listen boss

cub-135: first you bump me off the HTGY project, and now i’ve just had my name taken off the ravager patent. that’s my own work.

cub-135: this keeps happening. it’s not okay.

Lead (bioprojects) : CUB-135, for the last time, this was what you signed up for.  It’s the same for all researchers. You have to put the time in while you move up the ladder.

Lead (bioprojects): Have you just noticed this is how the whole laboratory works?

cub-135: oh

cub-135: i’m noticing

cub-135: i’m noticing lots of things about this place

Lead (bioprojects): Good. If you have an issue, focus on your work and get promoted.

cub-135: yeah, see, actually

cub-135: if nothing changes, i’m going to leave. and i’ll take all my intellectual property with me.

Lead (bioprojects): Hah! Check your employment papers; you’re on a 10-year contract. It’s watertight. And even if you could get out of it, you’re banned from taking paper or data chips out of lab grounds.

cub-135: yeah?

cub-135: okay.

[cub-135 has disconnected]

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

CUB-135: Hey. Scar. Scar.

HTGY: Cub! What’s with the doohickey? It—oh, wow. That just zapped the light. Amazing.

CUB-135: Mumbo, lock transcript.

[null]: Transcript locked.

CUB-135: Okay. So. I made this thing to hijack the redstone gate down by the Drowned spawners on Lab 3B. It screws up the signal so you can get through. There’s a reservoir behind it. I put in a bubble elevator that will take you up outside the walls. I’ve got to stay behind to take out the cameras while you do it. Then I’ll get out with the evening shift.

HTGY: Wait, so I just take this and run? What if they find out about you?

CUB-135: If you do that I’m screwed, man. So don’t tell them.

HTGY: Yeah?

CUB-135: …Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. You could turn me in.

[silence]

CUB-135: Maybe you should. Yeah, all right. I guess, just—oh.

HTGY: Relax! Anyone would think you’d never had a hug.

CUB-135: …

HTGY: My friend. My friend, we are going to see some forests.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: The speed! The precision!

CUB-135: Whew. Man. You did nearly drown.

HTGY: What’s important here is that I didn’t, because I am an elite escape artist. And you got out too, so I guess we can share the title.

CUB-135: We’re not far enough to say that yet. I’d bet we’re still in range of the lab systems.

HTGY: Details, details.

CUB-135: You’re bleeding.

HTGY: Oh man, I know, that was from the last test. It doesn’t matter.

CUB-135: Give me that.

HTGY: Fussy! What are you, a grandpa? Ow.

CUB-135: If you don’t stop and let me fix it you’re going to lose that finger. And I can’t grow it again when we don’t have the redstone vats.

HTGY: You were never this fussy before.

CUB-135: Yeah, well. Who even did it?

HTGY: I don’t…

[silence]

HTGY: Huh. Cub, you know what, I don’t…remember.

HTGY: Hey, though. Who everything filed and stored like a nerd? Who needs all their memories where we’re going? We’re getting out! Onwards!

[silence]

HTGY: Cub. Cub.

HTGY: Don’t look like that.

HTGY: It wasn’t your fault.

[silence]

CUB-135: Scar, I dunno what I’m doing.

HTGY: I’ve never known what I’m doing.

CUB-135: [laughs] You are…something, my friend. You are something.

HTGY: We don’t know what we're doing. And that’s amazing. Because aren’t you excited to find out?

+

Author's note: Hey, thanks for reading to the end! There's a better formatted version of this on Ao3 under username glossyblue. I've got a lot of this au but thought this stood alone well enough that someone might enjoy it. Hope you enjoyed, have a great day.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Full Family AU Part 15

Camila sat at her computer, rocking back and forth in her rickity, swirly chair that's probably older than her at this point. She had her hands over her eyes, letting out a long dragged out groan, frustrated to no end by the torment that is doing her own research.

"Daddy's home!" Manny announced as he stepped into the computer room. "I brought home pizza and, good news, Vee loves it. I gave her one slice and she gobbled it down in seconds. Bad news, her puppy dog eyes are as irresistible as Luz's, so she had to have three slices. Hopefully that's fine."

Camila said nothing. She just grunted, not changing her position in the chair. She barely even acknowledged Manny putting a plate with her slice of pizza next to the computer.

"Take a break," he told her. "Your brain is fried, so enjoy some pepperoni, my Pepperoni."

Camila removed her hands from her face and gave Manny a quizzical look. "Your Pepperoni? What does that even mean?"

"...It means I was trying something."

Camila groaned some more as she took her pizza. "I've hit a wall, Manny. I've hit a major wall..."

"What are you even researching?"

"Well, after that...heartbreakingly tragic backstory Vee told us, we agreed, we have to let her stay here. Because, I mean, where else would she go, right?"

"Right, I know. I was there."

"Well, I figured that if she stayed with us, people would ask her who she was. I can't say Luz's cousin because what if family visit? What do I tell them? So the only logical thing I could think of is daughter."

"Makes sense."

"But..." Camila paused to take a bite of her pizza. "Mm, that is good. But I would have to prove she's our daughter. Because then people will ask, 'Why isn't she in school?' And I can't send her to school without papers or stuff like that. And I'm not her birth mom, so I don't have her birth certificate or whatever. So I thought, 'Oh, maybe we could adopt her.'"

"I mean, I'm not opposed to that," Manny said. "We always talked about having a second kid and Vee...needs a home."

"Of course she needs a home, I want to give her a home, but unfortunately I can't give her a home!" Camila takes a bigger, frustrated bite of this pizza. "MAN, this is good! Did you go far from town to get this?"

"There's actually a place by--Actually, let's circle back to that," Manny said with a shake to his head. "What do you mean we can't give her a home?"

"Because to adopt a child you need adoption papers," Camila explained, sounding exasperated between her bites of pizza. "And to get those, you need to go to the county clerk's office, petition for adoption, get that in the system, go to the judge, and let the judge approve your adoption and--GAH!"

She leans further back in her chair, munching the rest of her pizza.

"Can you get me another slice?" Camila asked Manny. "Mami needs more stress food..."

"I think Mami needs a breather," Manny suggested. He then went behind Camila and started giving her his signature shoulder rub, Camila responding with a light hum because of how nice it felt. "You're overworking your brain, trying to figure things out as soon as possible. We don't need an immediate solution. Just gotta take things step by step."

"I know," Camila sighed. "But you heard what Vee said. All those horrible things that happened to her. She needs us, Manny. She needs to...be apart of something that shows her what love really is. And I want to give that to her. But...all those fictional stories that just show a child that had no home to begin with being adopted into a family tends to leave out all the paperwork necessary to make that process legitimate."

"Of course," Manny said. "All that stuff is boring."

"Manny..." Camila whined.

"But we'll get through it. Focus on stuff we can solve right now instead of things that we'll have to consider in the future."

"Of course we'll have to consider that future stuff. We can't just ignore the other steps."

"I'm not saying we ignore the rest. Just...look at what we have to do and focus on what we can do right now."

Camila hummed in thought. "I guess...I guess one thing we can do is make sure Vee can change into other outfits. That sundress is adorable, but she can't just wear the same thing everyday. This isn't a cartoon."

"And we can easily figure something out." Manny gave the top of Camila's head a kiss. "Until then, how about I get you that second slice of pizza."

"That'd be nice...Where'd you leave the rest?"

"On the kitchen table."

"You...didn't make it easy for the other kids to get to, did you? Especially the one kid who apparently loves pizza."

Manny was silent. Loudly silent. Next thing Camila knew he ran out of the room, quick as a flash.

"That's a no." She chuckled, shutting off the computer for now.

That's enough research for tonight.

[umeoniii]

mmm thinkin’ about neighbor neet hange.

pt 2!

。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

the literal definition of a social reject. somethin about it is so sexy though.

doin nothing but sittin in her room all day occasionally relieving bordem by researching things that slightly interest her.

she cared about her old job so much to the point she didn’t care about anything else. that’s why they had to fire her

she did absolutely nothing all day, occasionally eating, taking a shower maybe twice a week, barley gettin sleep.

until one day her new neighbor comes over with cookies she baked. still wearin her tight pink apron covered in flour. hange couldn’t help but thank her neighbor by telling her to come in and have some with her. as she kicks over the various clutter all over her floors.

a girls over the rooms gotta look somewhat civilized, you don’t want her to run away thinkin ur a weirdo.

as you eat the cookies you tell her why you moved, your job and your crazy ex bf wouldn’t leave u alone.

she didn’t like the stories about your ex n’ told u if he ever tried to chase after u she’d do something about it. of course u chuckled and passed it off as a joke, but she was serious.

she waved you goodbye as you walked back over to your apartment.

the whole night all she could think about was u, ur laugh, the way your boobs bounced when you laughed, your adorable smile. she wanted u so bad. there was no way such a clean, pretty girl would like someone like neet hange.

u invited her over to ur house to talk some more, next thing u know youre sprawled out over your fluffy pink bed sheets whimperin’ and cryin.

“fuck… feels so… mm… good, han. keep goin.” u hiccup as she continues to lap at you puffy lips. she continued stuffing her tongue inside of you, rubbing at the pink grooves of your g-spot. your chubby thighs squeezing her face.

your warm cream coating her tongue and lips. she digs her nails into your thighs, as she continues to lick and suck your clit. u would’ve never expected something like this from ur neighbor. she licks at your pussy like a hungry kitten lapping up milk.

“awh you’re such a sweet one.” she purrs into your pussy, the vibrations making your brain go even foggier.

she works her hands up to your breasts squuezing them and your nipples, leaving them hard from the contact.

she wets her fingers with saliva shovin them into you n’ watching u squirm.

“fuck… you’re good… i didn’t thin-“ you sputter.

“you didn’t think i could what? eat pussy.” she scoffs still fingering your achy pussy.

you shook your head gripping onto your pink sheets. you didn’t want her to think you thought she was weird bcs she was a neet. she goes back to rubbing her tongue against your clit, bringing you closer to your orgasm.

“fuck, ‘m gonna cum… like for real.” you whine

“go ahead sweetie.” she looks up at you over her glasses.

you squeeze your thighs with her head in the middle still lapping at your pussy. squirming and crying out your neighbors name. she licks up all of ur cum and gets up. adjusting her tie.

“where…ya goin?” you pant on your elbows looking at her.

“job interview” she mutters.

[bomberqueen17]

Big Easy

I am on vacation this week in New Orleans. There are many reasons for this but mostly they're not about me. I'm just here for the ride. Hilariously the one thing I found on on my own that I was like "oh i gotta do that while we're here" is also the thing that has been recommended to me by literally everyone i've spoken to including the Lyft driver from the airport, which is the WWII Museum, and conversely the more people recommend it the more I'm like :/ I might not enjoy this that much. WWII history was a childhood hyperfixation of mine but I've found the shit I was into about it is not the stuff other people like about it. This museum features a movie narrated by Tom Hanks so I feel like it's going to mm emphasize the bits I don't care about a lot. BUT I am going to go and I am probably going to devote a whole day. The upside of this is that probably Dude will not be deadly bored by it. He does tend to have the issue of not being into what I'm into sometimes... but this will probably be fine.

My hip is doing okay, the one I've been physically therapizing for ages? But what's popped up is that as the bad hip heals, the "good" hip starts giving me trouble-- I have prettty bad sciatic nerve problems on that side, and I didn't notice them so much because the cartilage tear on the bad side hurt enough to distract me. But lately it's like-- a little electric current of Badness inside the back of my right knee. No fun. But I've been doing physical therapy exercises for about fifteen weeks now (I just counted), three times a week, so I'd damn well better have seen some improvement LOL.

But mostly I can walk around, and I have a better idea earlier on whether walking is going to be good for me or not, so idk it's progress.

So far I have had a few bites of a shrimp po'boy (in the Atlanta airport, where we ordered something else and the waitress didn't hear us and just brought better food, no regrets on our part), some amazing gumbo, a bit of really good crawfish etouffe, and a really good Hurricane cocktail, and have seen the steamboat Natchez going up the MIssissippi with a brass band playing on it. Oh yeah there was a live band at the baggage claim? Apparently there were Many Doings in the French Quarter last night because of Cinco de Mayo, our Lyft driver was explaining they'd barricaded a bunch of the streets and she was delighted they'd moved one barricade because otherwise she could not have dropped us at our hotel. But by the later evening when we were out and about it wasn't quite so crowded but there were police cars and sirens and apparently some kind of disturbance a couple blocks away from our hotel. We kept walking because whatever it was was Not Our Business.

I'm mostly here for the food. I brought mostly me-made clothes. I was wearing a nice button-up shirt to fly in, and i sat at the gate during our layover and hand-bound two of the last three buttonholes on it (I'd cut and overcasted them at home but ran out of time). Relaxing and chill, honestly.

There are a couple of fabric stores I want to visit but apart from that I have zero agenda. Maybe Dude came up with something. I think he's mostly been researching restaurants.

I did not expect this, though: I know the names of so many of the places here from the news coverage of Katrina, and when I saw the Superdome in person i started crying, and had to explain to the driver that I'd been an airport bartender during that time and so had been stuck in front of huge TVs with 24h live coverage, and I'd had a bunch of online friends living there and I didn't realize until this moment how much it scarred me, so I could only imagine for the people here, and she talked about how she'd been a cleaner in an apartment complex at the time (I'd sussed that she was my age or older so I figured she'd remember it as well as I do, because to my shock that was 20 years ago now) and how many people had just left and never come back, had abandoned their possessions and just never came back for them because the power didn't come back on for two or three months.

She said "Now I know, when they tell you to evacuate, you get the hell out."

She also complained that nobody knows how to act, because it's all tourists. Which, fair.

... Anyway, anyone with recs for New Orleans feel free to tell them to me, I'm just here for the food and the vibes.

[lookinghalfacorpse]

Hi! I'm sorry for bothering but i just found your account. You're the writer of "in the wild all lessons last" right? Do you still remember your fic where techno like to dance with his friends? I believe it's called "one-two-three". I was wondering if you have more ideas for it, beacause i love it so much and crave more :) it's fine if you don't. I just really want to know if techno manage to teach dream tango after they got out. Do they dance regularly? Did dream become good at it? ,ect... anyway, love your writing style❤

you made my day ty :)

yes, i did write "in the wild all lessons last," and my first dsmp fic ever was "one-two-three" !!  i watched this video when i was doing research for it, and it made me decide to go with tango for dream and techno. something about the style always seemed combative to me, so i think the best fighters on the server would really vibe with it.

so, i do think dream would be good at it, but it might take him some time to get there...

-------

/dsmp /rp

Dream hasn’t left his bed in about 23 hours.

It’s not that Technoblade’s been counting or anything.  He’s been busy doing other things-- he cleaned the animal stalls and set out fresh hay (which took around 4 hours), trained with the Axe of Peace (about 3 hours), took an embarrassingly long nap (4 hours total, with a brief intermission for dinner which took an extra hour), and read (2 hours).  Combined with his approximate 9 hour night prior, that takes us to 23 hours of almost no movement from Dream whatsoever.  But, again, Techno was not counting.

With the sun low in the sky, and with next to no attention from his former cellmate all day, he headed up to the guest room himself.

He saw Phil take some extra blankets up to him earlier, and while many of them were stacked on top of Dream’s legs and torso, both which were entirely too thin, others were rolled up between his arms and held tightly in a half-asleep embrace.  His hair, overgrown and wild, was partially in his face.  Techno struggled to peer between the tangled strands to get a look at Dream’s face, expecting to see him fully lost in sleep, but was surprised to spot a pair of green eyes looking back at him.

“Oh, hey, roomie.”

“Hey,” came the hoarse reply.

Techno sat on the edge of the mattress, slowly and carefully, aware of how his weight might jostle Dream.  “I got a job for you tomorrow,” Techno said.

Dream gave him a suspicious stare.  Small and limp on the bed, he didn’t look capable of completing any ‘jobs.’

“Dog brushin’,” Techno continued with a smile.  “I’ve been puttin’ it off, so I’m makin’ it your problem.”

Dream adjusted the way his head sat on the pillow, burrowing himself into it more.  He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.  His skin was drawn taut over his skull, pale and sickly, and his eye sockets bore a heavy shadow.  They might’ve been bruised.  “When?”

“Whenever, really.  I can wake you up after I’m done feedin’ everyone, maybe?  I just gotta show you where the brushes are, and tell you which dogs need it.”

“Mm-kay.”

Victory for Technoblade.  He grinned.  “Cool, cool.  See you tomorrow, then, nerd.”

He was about to lift himself from the mattress when Dream’s voice stopped him.  “Wait.”  

“Mm?”

“You wanted to dance with me.  In the prison.”

“Correction: I did dance with you.  That counted.”  Techno folded a leg below him on the bed, getting comfortable again.  “And I’m still teachin’ you to tango, like I promised.  Then we’re gonna dance all the time.”

“I’m even worse than I was before.  I walked to the bathroom by myself earlier and I fell.”  Behind the mess of his hair, Dream’s eyes were wet.  “You’re not gonna be able to keep your promise.”

Moments of total silence weren’t common in Techno’s life.  Even in times of peace, quiet spaces were usually filled with whatever repetitive nonsense the Voices yelled at him.  The Voices seemed just as shocked at Dream’s rare display of vulnerability as he was, though, and the silence in the room was unbearable.  He heard his own breath.  He heard Dream swallow, hard.

“You underestimate me, dude.  Look, I can dance with you right now.”

Giving little space for disagreements, Techno shoved his forearms under the mass of blankets and lifted.  For as light as Dream was before, he seemed even lighter now.  A few more months of starvation will do that to a man, he supposed.  The blankets Dream held in his arms were left abandoned on the mattress, unraveling as they dropped.  Before he was able to let out more than a muffled ‘Mmnpf!” of surprise, Dream was fully cradled and supported several feet off the ground.

Like before, Techno started moving.

He swayed, keeping the movement relatively slow.  He still remembered the pattern they created in the cell; 1-2-3-left-1-2-3-left, and he started there, tracing a circle around the guest room with his hooves.  His steps were more resounding and rich here than they were in the cell.  There, the obsidian made a sharp sound, but the wood of the cabin seemed more appropriate for a dance.

All the while, Dream was simply along for the ride.  The corners of his mouth curved into a smile.

“Tango’s all about pacin’, right?  So here’s what we’re gonna do.  Five steps, and the first two are slow,”  Techno stepped forward twice, starting with his left, “then fast twice,” he stretched his right leg outward, bringing them to the side with two quick steps, “and slowly drag the left foot back to meet, see? Slow-slow-fast-fast-slow.”

----------

Tango is all about pacing.

An observer wouldn’t be able to tell who was leading the steps-- they seemed to switch at random, constantly shifting their footwork and adapting to one another.  Slow-slow-fast-fast-slow.  One moment, Techno was clearly stepping forward, and the next, he’d be led back by Dream.  The trick was in their hands, actually; when Dream wanted to lead, he’d press his palms forward into Techno’s hands.  Techno, unfailingly, would let him.

And, of course, there were the moments of agility that Techno knew his partner would be fantastic with.  He’d sweep ahead, blocking Dream’s feet, and looked forward to seeing what jump or flair he’d use to counter the movement.

“Your hair’s whiter than I remember,” Techno commented once as he lead them into a Grapevine spin, bringing his hooves close together to base himself as he lead Dream around.

“Don’t think about it too hard,” was Dream’s somewhat dismissive answer.  His voice, no longer as small and hoarse as it used to be, projected well over the record player.  Techno had a collection of different music styles and genres that he liked to pull out for different dances, and he had a variety that were good for tango.  Some were slow, dramatic, and elegant, while others were more energetic and lively.  This day tended towards the latter, though they still shared many slow, dark routines that harkened back to their earliest dances together.  Dream would come to him with a heartbroken look in his eyes, and Techno would know what to do.

“Weird bleach job?”

“Uh, yeah, we’ll go with that, sure.”

Technoblade was no idiot.  He knew his rival was up to something.  The guy always seemed to have some kind of agenda he wouldn’t talk about, but whatever it was, it didn’t involve Techno right now, so he didn’t push it.  The back-and-forth of a good dance could be enough for now.

After all, he did make a promise.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hi! Do you have any recs for rly good mafia romance? I'm trying to get into it but my friend recommends the TikTok popular ones that are just....not well written

Yes, but there aren't main. Like. Three authors. Two of which I already liked for other things. (I do REALLY want to read Annika Martin's dark books, which I think are Russian mafia or Russian mafia adjacent?)

I am very picky with mafia romances because a) I was a little ethically eh on reading them for a long time because b) based on where I've lived and what I've studied, I know a bit more about the mafia than your average romance reader I think, that's not a brag it's a nerdery c) a lot of them are based in America, modern, and I've gotta say, that's corny as hell because while there are absolutely VERY powerful criminal organizations mafia-related today, they! Are! Not! V powerful! In! America! The Italian-American mafia took a huge hit in the 1980s that hasn't really let up, and while they exist and they're bad... Tony Soprano ain't doing it like like the Camorra is doing it in Italy, today, y'know? The power isn't there, and when you see, like, the billionaire Italian-American mafia guys in romance today it's too much for me. I get why it's not too much for other people. I suspend my disbelief on MANY CRAZIER THINGS. I just can't with this lol.

(Also, I have a personal issue with Italian-American romance heroes who are like "I'm Italian". Lol no you aren't. You're Italian-American. You're usually Sicilian-American. You are EYETALIAN.)

Anyway, after that preamble of why my recs are limited:

Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy series. Literally some of my favorite books I've read in forever. Set in Italy, though the heroines are from Italian-Canadian extensions (which, like, Canada for sure has a more powerful presence than America, so I'm guessing that was smart research from Mila). I also love Mila's books because while they are crazy, they're not INSANELY dark, and tend to be more on the fun side. They're super, super hot. There are usually good grovels. The heroines are actually pretty bold and, aside from the last one, not virginal (which is an issue in many mafia books tbh). They break down to:

Mafia Mistress--Frankie is traded by her father to a powerful capo, Fausto, ostensibly to marry his son Giulio. However, two issues: a) Giulio is in fact gay b) Fausto ends up wanting Frankie for himself after she puts up a fight. But he doesn't want her as his wife--he wants her as his mistress. His MAFIA MISTRESS.

Mafia Darling--Direct sequel to MM, wherein Frankie and Fausto deal with their various issues, both mafia-related and like, relationship related. I also really love Fausto and Giulio's relationship, it's so sweet and takes time to work on, and it has a culmination here that made me tear up. Heads up: Frankie is 18 and Fausto is 38. I didn't care about this. Do with it what you will lmao.

Mafia Madman--My favorite, best read after the first two but can go solo. Enzo D'Agostino (king of my heart/body and soul as TSwift would say) was one of the villains of the previous books. He kidnapped Frankie, Fausto like cut off his finger and tortured him for a month, and he escaped to hide out on a yacht for four years like a Bond villain. Enzo is... incredible. He is the richest hero in this series because of his "computer business" (????) which @triviareads and I have concluded means he's running Nigerian prince scams and holding the economies of small nations for ransom. He and Fausto have a relationship that I can only describe as "Alexis (Fausto) and Dominique (Enzo) if they were mafia dons". The champagne is BURNT!!!!

Anyway, he randomly sees Gia, Frankie's wild, bratty little sister, and is all "a-HA, a foolproof plan I have just concocted within five minutes to get revenge and free myself from the prison of living on a fabulous yacht IS HERE" so he naturally invites her out for a drink, blows up the bar, fakes her death, and puts her in a cage on the yacht. Sadly for him, the only person who can match Enzo's crazy is Gia, and she starts doing naked yoga (queen of my spirit) and they promptly enter into an intense enemies to lovers back and forth in which ONLY ONE CAN WIN (her).

If you want an OBSESSED alpha... this is it.

Mafia Target--Giulio is back! He's on the run because he's Fausto's son and the mafia is hella homophobic (true). Unfortunately, the world's DEADLIEST SNIPER, disaster bisexual Alessio Ricci, has been deployed to kill him. Unfortunately for Alessio, Giulio is DUMB HOT and so naturally Alessio blows him in a club before Giulio realizes he's out to kill him, and they end up on a tiny Scottish island, trying to kill each other while also being like "let's take a month off of trying to kill each other... to.... do things...."

This is arguably the most outright SWOONY ROMANTIC of the books, I love it with all my heart. Giulio and Alessio have one of those relationships wherein it's kinda love at first sight, tempered by the whole assassin thing, and it totally works.

Mafia Virgin--Emma, the other Mancini sister, wants to be a doctor and is super sweet. She's forced to marry new don Giacomo, who doesn't want to be with her either. And, oh yeah, they have to conceive a baby in six months or less!

This is probably the softest book in the series. Giacomo is not quite as hard as Fausto, Enzo, Giulio, or Alessio. He's like, the thinking man's mafia don (but everyone thinks he's stupid because he's big and fights!!!). And as it turns out, he and Emma are very, very into the whole making a baby thing.

Mafia Brute--This is an m/m Russian mafia novella, about Theo, Giulio's designer friend, who's fallen into a fling with the very dangerous Nikolai. A lot of hooking up on a yacht (again). A lot of very romantic sweetness fringed with violence. A lot of heat. Great!

Ummm I also love Kresley Cole's Gamemaker series! These are Russian mafia books.

The Professional--The heroine is adopted, and finds out the big scary guy who's been watching her is her biological father's enforcer/surrogate son... when he kidnaps her to take her back to said father. They immediately have an attraction, but he refuses to give in because if they get together (she's a virgin) he'll be like, obligated to marry her. While she's not so hot on the marriage thing, she WANTS him. She's a total brat, it's all very teasing and great.

The Master--This one has a billionaire mafia dude order the heroine, an escort on the run from her past. They have this insane hookup, major connection, it's amazing, but then he finds out she was trying to pull one over on him (or was she???) and he takes her captive. Also, there is a chastity belt. This one is amazing and has a fabulous grovel.

The Player--This hero is really more mafia-adjacent because the other two heroes are his older brothers, but he's definitely into some shady shit, and he is OBSESSED. He fixates on the heroine and is another SUPER possessive guy with a dark past. Has one of my favorite sex scenes ever (he fingers her to orgasm in front of a table of other people who are also getting off on it).

Run, Posy Run by Cate C. Wells--In this one, the heroine is the (American but it works here) mafia hero's longterm girlfriend, and she's basically always been around the life and accepts a subpar relationship because he keeps her comfortable and she thinks he loves her. Then, he's sent this video that makes it look like she cheated on him; and she realizes he's like, a sociopath and goes on the run. However... he then realizes that he can't actually live without her, and begins stalking/chasing after her lol. It's actually a good "fix the relationship" book, with an edge of kidnapping and a feeling-less hero learning how to have a feeling. I also really loved the heroine's development.

[ducknotinarow]

2k3/7 3 Mikey Yvonne - #

send me “#” for cell phone headcanons about our muses including:                        

"Aw man I thought I was done with these? Fine fine but Don't be weird about anything you find if you think Raph is scary? You never see my brother Donatello be angry and trust me you don't wanna see that. I can still hear the screams of his victims." He smiles trying to show he is either kidding or unconcerned.

- what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone

'Lisa'

"Yes I know my sisters name do don't even try it, see Vonnie sort looks like Lisa from Weird Science. Shes super pretty, shes super smart. I know Vonnie tends to be stone faced and look like shes always clam? But I find her to be very senstive I mean she tends to tune into my inner emotions after all. Like with the whole 'hey sometimes I feel like i'm a girl and sometimes I think i'm a boy, sometimes neither but I like to be pretty either way." He rambles a little "She also like all mm elegant? yes elegant just real classy at times not in a stuck up way just in you deff take notice of her sort of way. I dunno for someone thats all smart and acts like she wanna only focus on her big 'lets bring mutants and humans together plan' I feel she helps us all emotionally a lot. She seems able to help Don and she seems able to get past Raph and his emotionally constipated ass. So Lisa, cause she dose that too sure she was more like a sex bot but I think you can get my thought here."                  

- what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone        

[image description]   Von is clearly caught suddenly by the photo taken of her. Face seems to be covered in some gross looking mess. It's a face mask, a clay one but it had lost its pink coloring and start to turn brown as it was drying out getting ready to be washed off. There a blue light behind her and you just about make out the corner of one of the many TV screens Mikey insisted they had to have for the 'Ultimate' TV watching experience.                  

"It's from out first official girls night, April's is the same I snapped both their pictures that night. It was fun to just hang out the three of us. April was the one who got all the stuff for us. I know it part it was mostly for me what with me coming out and trying to understand and find my foot on this whole gender stuff. But It was also for Vonnie. She never got to do stuff like that. And I dunno. Sure my bros can be jerks to me and I can be annoying but to not have them at all? I don't know how I be with our fir day movie nights."

- what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone          

Method To My Madness   (couldn't find it spotfy a crime!)

There's a method to my madness It's something only time will tell There's a method to my madness Look inside my hell

  "Michelangelo?' you may be thinking 'How dose this song make you think of Von to a point its her ring tone?' you also may ask me 'it's not very Yvonne' You may also go to point out! But you would be wrong you see. I mean Von went and mutated herself for the sake of her research? I gotta say thats pretty mad wouldn't you? Shes kind of just as bad as Don can too when it comes to how far she may go too. I think its a good fit for her cause Von ain't gonna sit back shes gonna just do it. I like that about her."             

- my muse’s last text to your muse

[text] Vonnie Bonnie Ronnie !!! I ran out of rhymes ANYWAY!!!!

[text] Don't forget girls night! I got all the snacks and drinks ready, you get to just show up!

---

[text] Von Tell your Boyfriend to stop being a dick and let me play with the weapons!

-----

[text] Miss you. I'm gonna try and put together a movie night. No Leo still...

[text] Raph might skip out too so would just be the three of us.

-----

[text] hey Vonnie! Uhhhhh so I aint gonna be round the lair much

[text] top secret reasons

[text] nah i can't hide anything from you! I found an old green house seems just abandoned I'm gonna try and fix it up!! You can come by for the next girls night when it's ready!!!!

------

[text] Von Von Von!!!!

[text] image of a random butterfly on a flower of his sent

[text] Ish purple like you!!! I'm naming it Mini Von, like Mini Van!

[text] nah cause of you

-----

[text] I know there is no way you'll get this text you're like not here anymore? I dunno if it'll go through when we go back home but. I miss you. Don misses you and Ari a lot too. But Don can fix anything. Well be back home

[text] I just miss talking to you. People are pretty chill in the future though but no one to have my girl nights with so when we are back we should have a giant one! brings everyone Casey, Raph, Leo everyone!

[text] Raph and Casey could use them beauty treatments the most haha

[handelplayssims]

Oye. How many more days left with these vampires? 4 it seems. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Well, let’s look at Roxana’s whims. Prank and be mean to someone. As usual. Welp, pranking is easily done. Hey, Omar! Here’s this hand buzzer trick! Next is Omar who wants to have child, or get disliked by someone. Mm. They already dislike each other though. I’m going to refresh those whims and then have him focus on Harrison. ...the whims were to leave a note on the family bulliten board and become enemies with the person he disliked. -shrug- Emilie is up and at em and needs food, and it’s an hour until work and school. Let’s just wait out the time until we head back into work with Omar.

And here we go! Perhaps today, we might get that final surgery requirement. ...if I was mean, I would perform surgery on a patient that might not need it...but eh, let’s try to be a good doctor. WOAH, there we go! We got a guy who collapsed right at the front door. And he needs emergency surgery! There we go! And hey, the patient we’ve been working on also needed surgery. Nice! Finally! He’s got that promotion! And is now a specialist! Good for Omar.

Oooh, Roxana, while I did manage to queue and get her the plasma fruit salad she needed, she also just ran out and drank from a passing sim. Hee. Now she’s super-tense about drinking from others.  MAN. I keep forgetting about Emilie and the making-friends-at-school thing! Now it’s 8PM and I bet there would only be teens at the park at this time. Doing their teen hangout thing. Ah well, both parents have whims regarding kids so, I decided to have both of them lecture their kids about manners. They’re neat sims, they’d care about this sort of thing. And now the kids are asleep. I decide to have the parents chat about the struggles of parenting...and the struggles of being a vampire. But thankfully Omar has a very high logic and can logic away the stress of drinking from a random sim. And she has low fun so uh, let’s have a woohoo in the shower.

Harrison wants to meet someone new so lets see if any teens are hanging around the park at the moment. But if not, we’ll bring someone along because he needs to drink! Hmm. The Alluring Visage means he’s low on vampire energy now. Meaning he needs to sleep. But we just got here! But I guess we can go right back home.. because it’s pretty much time for-

Neighborhood Watch!

Devan Geiger in the Geiger household has died. No cliffhanger here; Devan slipped when rock climbing.

Hold on, let me check something…yep. This was the guy who just moved into a home. RIP!

Mack Newman in the Newman hosuehold has died. Mack tried to make cereal but it burst into flames.

Let’s see, it’s early in the morning, nothing much to do. The kids sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up but alas. Let’s make sure I actually remember to set Emile to make friends at school. Omar’s got work at 9 until 7pm. So that leaves Roxana alone to do her work. And we got a biography about a dude who very much wants someone to write about him. That’ll do. Huh, and evidently she’s excited about the project at least. So a drink break and then we head back to work. Annnd she’s sick. Stuffed up nose, it seems. Well, what is the recommendations, internet? Taking a steamy shower! Annd hey, it worked! Back to writing she goes! Kids are back from school and boy, are they tired! But Roxana wants them to volunteer with her and so what she wants, she gets!

Let’s see. Omar does want a promotion, again. Could think about just having him visit a library for a late-night study instead. Since hey, that does also work, in theory, for a doctor. You gotta research your medical stuff! Oh hey, we actually met a scientist, since we’re at Strangerville. There would be a scientist/doctor solidarity, wouldn’t there? Let’s play a game of chess, get the know the guy a little and then head home.

Home again, and Omar wants to eat some popcorn. It’ll go poorly but we can attempt to have some. Meanwhile Harrison wants another promotion. Which, fine and all but I guess let’s work on your charisma skill. Selena’s hungry and Emile, oof! Bladder failure! ...and Roxana’s whim didn’t clear because we left in the middle of it. Fair enough, I suppose! Also I am trying to have Omar mend his relationship with Selena but alas! She just thinks he’s creepy with that weird hissing all the time! Ah well. Anyway it’s time for-

Neighborhood Watch! Mizuki Maeda in the Maeda household has died. Mizuki was victim to a vicious chicken attack.

Ah man. She was one of my longest lived townies. Riiiiiip!

Akira Kibo in the Kibo household has died. Akira fell for a cowplant’s cake bait. He could not have his cake and eat it too.

Ha. I had a feeling this was going to happen to him sooner or later. RIP!

[mr-urple]

I'm just. Really??? Mad about this??? This person was following me for a long while now and I never bothered to check their account (I should really go through my followers and block all of the weirdos hhhgh) and I've seen them like some of my posts. One of their drawings (of rise mikey and donnie) came up on my dash, and it was just Mikey painting Donnie's nails.. but they tagged it as tcest??

....Which made me go on a research expedition and LO AND BEHOLD!!! I find this post. The more and more I looked at it, the more and more I realized that was me. That was my sona. Or at least a Donnie design HEAVILY based on it (though the second drawing has a part cut out of it that clearly shows that, yes, those are the tech markings of my old sona, even using the same scale and mask coloration... oh and also the neck scars. My old sona had neck scars.) AND??????? The fact that this is tc*st is bad enough. BUT???? USING ME??? EVEN JUST A DESIGN HEAVILY BASED OFF OF ME??????? WHAT THE FUCK?????

It's just. Maybe I'm overreacting idk but. It's very. VERY unsettling??? To see this???? There's no way this is a coincidence right. That HAS to be my sona. That's gotta be me. The tech wiring. The mask tails. The mech tail. The neck scars. Literally no one else draws mm donnie like that. That's me. That. THATS ME. AND. IT'S TC*ST.

Guys. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT MAKE TC*ST ART. EVER. I WAS GOING TO SAY NEVER MAKE TC*ST ART ABOUT ME BUT IT DOESNT MATTER WHO IT IS JUST DONT DO IT.... It's MESSED UP and BAD and FREAKY /NEG and PLEASEEEEE THINK ABOUT WHO YOU'RE DRAWING. I am a REAL PERSON, not some character for you to play around with like a doll. Drawing messed up shit about real people can affect them GREATLY and you really just SHOULD NOT DO IT.

I've calmed down about this a little I think, but I'm still very. VERY upset over this. Please block this person, and SERIOUSLY, if you support tc*st or any icky shit PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE for the love of god DO NOT INTERACT. BLOCK ME. I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR ME JUST PLEASE DO NOT ASSOCIATE YOURSELVES WITH ME EVER.

GUYS. PLEASE BLOCK THIS PERSON.

It's.... Tc*st......

and while I'm not sure if it's true THEY LITERALLY DREW MY SONA???? AT LEAST THEY TOOK HUGE INSPO????????

speculation under cut... im probably just overreacting but still

they drew this ON THE DAY I posted my sona redesign. And jsyk I posted my sona design VERY late (at like 11:30 pm or something)

same (if not similar) tech markings..

SAME MECH TAIL. THIS IS UNMISTAKABLE

They also drew the mask tails. VERY similarly.

Idk if they took heavy inspo from my sona or just straight up copied it. But wow holy shit.

AND HONESTLY it doesnt matter if they stole my sona ITS LITERALLY TC*ST THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH REASON TO BLOCK THEM

[liquidchocolatecake]

OKAY TIME TO COMPLETELY OVERTHINK THIS ONE SINGULAR PROMO IMAGE BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT'S HOW I ENJOY THINGS

two things of note aside from the rabbit hole that is birds now being followers because God The Implied Lore Of Birds Has So Much Potential

1. jack o lanterns

and 2. the blood moon, of course

blood moon first because i posted about it earlier and just based on How This Game Is and The Fact That It's Called The Damn Blood Moon Festival

so as i showed in the post earlier, term can mean a few different things

the one that ties into halloween specifically is the hunter's moon

if we get any big gameplay additions (and i'm not saying we will, i just like speculating), i feel like the most likely here would be a lunar cycle or the addition of seasons

the seasons thing i've ranted at @hanahak1-soup about in dms (do i have your permission to post the whole rant? because i did post a screenshot once but there's a LOT to that rant) so i won't go TOO into it here but if there's any mechanic that seems likely too be added to the game at some point, it's seasons (partly due to the whole farming thing)

and lunar cycle because like. it's the blood moon festival, with a name like that i feel like there's gotta be a good amount of moon stuff, right? and lunar events in media that usually has cults as antagonists generally use the plot point of "oh these cultists are planning to do this ritual on the full moon/eclipse/whatever celestial event and the world will end or something if we don't stop them"

especially because the blood moon in the image is specifically a lunar eclipse

i'm still doing research on this stuff and am in no way an expert so i'm not gonna bloat this post even more going into agonizing detail but

it feels more likely that they're just referring to a blood moon as in just the typical "red lunar eclipse" sense of the term, but given the themes of this game and how much christian imagery it uses absolutely everywhere i do think it would be interesting to see this referenced somehow (and it would sorta line up with the whole four horsemen of the apocalypse thing the bishops have going on)

now onto jackolanterns

during my last wikipedia dive this game made me do i more looked into cauliflower and beetroot because i swear anchordeep and silk cradle have SOMETHING going on, so i didn't find much new information on jackolanterns that time

but i did pull up the wikipedia page to include some information anyways

now this all in itself is very interesting information and i'm interested to see if mm will give some explanation for jackolanterns existing in this setting given the very different history (they probably won't but it'd be fun if they did)

but the mangelwurzel part got me immediately very interested because it's FUCKING BEETS (it's a bit more specific than that but this post is getting long)

i'll elaborate in a reblog since i've reached the image limit but God Damn It This Game Has Made Me Sift Through The Wikipedia Page For Beetroot So Many God Damn Times

[donutloverxo]

NO BUT LIKE CONCEPT: SMUT HC where mob!steve comes back from a rough night that leaves him very much outta it and ur the only one who can help him ... in more ways than one

Please note that my stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs are welcome. This blog and this story is 18+. Do not read, follow or interact if you are not 18+.

I'm making this a drabble cause I can't work with HCs. Thank you❤ Warmings -explicit sexual content, dom Steve, daddy kink, spanking, blood and wounds, bullets. Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

You put some distance between your poor ear and your phone upon hearing your friends loud screech, excited since she saw your Instagram post of your new engagement ring.

"It is so beautiful! And so unconventional and unique too!"

"Mm-hm," you hummed, applying a second coat of your fiery red nail paint, to make it more intense, you just knew it'd look amazing against Steve's pale skin, he absolutely loved it when you scratched him and were a bit rough with him.

You never gave him any pointers on what kind of engagement ring you'd like, only thing that was a bit too obvious - which you never actually needed to say - was that you loved shiny things. So he has gotten you a ring with a huge sapphire ruby and tiny sparkly diamonds adorning the band. It was everything you needed and more.

"Makes sense because our relationship is anything but conventional." Where he had never directly said that his job involved a few things that were kind of, sort of, illegal but you weren't an idiot, it didn't take you long to figure out.

You knew he was important and rich when he asked you out, not just because he wore fancy clothes, but the way he carried himself, tall and proud and an aura that dominated any room he was in, two bodyguards always around him, and when you both started getting serious he assigned Peter, who was sort of an intern or newbie from what you gathered, to always escort you places and take care of you.

Maybe it wasn't exactly the most rational thing to do - marrying someone who was as feared as he was respected - but all you knew was that he was a good man and you had faith in him, so you stayed away from that part of his life.

"You must be planning the wedding now," she beamed over the phone.

You scoffed, blowing on your fingers, "No, he's always at work these days. It's so annoying, if it doesn't change then I'm leaving and taking the ring with me."

You looked at it sparkling on your finger, it was too beautiful to part with. Besides it became yours as soon as he gave it to you.

"You're late, but there's nothing new about that," you puffed out your cheeks, hands crosses under your chest, as he loosened his tie and worked on taking off his shoes. He had been coming home past midnight for the last month, enough was enough!

"Doll," he groaned, looking at you and ready to tell you off and ask for some space, but then he saw you. In a satin babydoll that barely covered you, with lace trimmings that did nothing to hide your soft nipples, your toes and nails painted just the color he liked, and you were wearing those ridiculous fluffy slippers with bunny ears that he had grown to love.

His mouth opened and then shut like a damn goldfish, forgetting what he was about to tell you.

"Steven," you furrowed your brows.

He knew he was in trouble as soon as you called out his full name. "Yeah?"

"When are we going to discuss the wedding?"

"I'm sorry, doll, work has been hectic these days. But soon."

"Soon? Soon doesn't do it for me," jutting your hip and leaning against the door to your walk in closet, "I need an exact date."

"I can't give it to you right now, puppy," his jaw clenching as you rolled your eyes, "Watch yourself, sweetheart. I had a long day, you don't wanna get on my bad side today."

"You shouldn't have put a rock on it if you didn't intend on marrying me," rolling your eyes extra hard just to get on his nerves.

"I do want to marry you. But right now... you're sort of making me have second thoughts."

He regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth. Because you looked about ready to smack him.

"Fine then. I guess I'll leave and go live with my mother from now on. She would be happy for sure, she isn't too thrilled about our engage - " you stopped your rant as soon as you noticed crimson seeping through his crisp white undershirt as he took off his coat.

Your eyes as wide as saucers, your heart beating fast and hard in your chest and you could feel your eyes getting watery. You weren't handing out empty threats, you were definitely serious about leaving. Just to remind Steve of just how much he loves you.

It wouldn't be the first time. You had done it once before, when you went back to live at your apartment because he yelled at you for going out with your girlfriends without Peter. You didn't need a babysitter, especially not one who was several years younger than you. You had gathered up your things from Steve's penthouse and went home with a heavy heart. You loved him with all your heart, but there was no way you could make it work with someone who was that controlling and mean to you.

But he came to you, literally got on his knees to apologize and to beg for you to take him back. He even made you give up your apartment and got you a bigger house for you both to live in. Just so you couldn't take off ever again.

"Steve... your bleeding..." you said as you held back a sob. Any anger you had towards him was now gone.

"Oh, shit," he looked down to his side, "Must've ruptured the stitch or something..."

You walked over to him, holding onto his waist and looking up at him, trying not to look at his wound. You weren't that squimish around blood, it rarely ever bothered you, but this was your Stevie, and he was hurt. "What happened?"

"Its... It's nothing, doll. It was an accident."

"Yeah, I guess you slipped and fell on a bullet," you huffed.

"No, the bullet barely grazed me. And you know I don't like talking about those things with you."

"Why? I'm not stupid or weak, I have a right to know."

"Of course, not, puppy. You're my sweet, strong, smart girl," he cooed, bending a bit to peck your lips and then groaning. "Gotta, be careful with this," he said as your fingers worked on unbuttoning his shirt.

"If I'm so strong and smart then tell me what happened," you asked as you pushed his shirt off his shoulders. You didn't stop to marvel at his huge and perfect body like you always do, you looked at the fresh batch on stitches right over his hips.

"No, puppy. You're too good for that world, too good for me," he groaned as he sat down on the little pink couch he had put in the closet for you. Since you spent hours trying to pick outfits, he didn't want you standing too long and hurting your feet.

"Fine then don't tell me," you whimpered, rubbing your tears off with the back of your hand.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay. I'm right here, not going anywhere," he tried to pull you into his lap, usually he wouldn't even have to ask for you sit on it, but right now you were pulling away and refusing for some reason, "C'mere, doll," he almost whined. Not used to being told no by you anymore than you were by him.

"No, I don't wanna hurt you," you hiccuped, as your sobs started to calm down.

"You wouldn't. You could never hurt me. C'mere I wanna cuddle you and make you feel better," he tried to pull you into him again but you just shook your head.

"I should be the one making you better. Not the other way around. But I don't know how to..." you swayed from side to side, suddenly ashamed of your brash behavior from earlier. "I'm sorry, I was being such a brat earlier."

"It's okay, puppy. I forgive you. You were right, we need to fix a date and find a venue and get you a pretty dress. I wanna see you in one of those poffy gowns, like a princess."

"That's called a ballgown," you said proudly, having done your research now. You knew all about the styles of the gowns, sleeves, necklines, colors and everything. "And you're not going to be involved in dress shopping process. Grooms aren't supposed to see the dress before the wedding it's bad luck."

He hummed at that, a bit disappointed but he would eventually see it, and then take it off, so it wasn't a huge loss. "Yes, you're right. But, let's not forget, you were a bad girl."

You gasped incredulously, "Well, you were being a bad fiance!" Which earned you a swift smack to your backside, making you yelp and fall forward, holding onto his shoulders for support.

"I didn't mind you calling me out for that. I want you to be honest with me and tell me everything. But you threatened to leave me, again."

You pouted. Offended for being called out so blatantly. Yeah you always made empty threats, packed up your bags just for show, whenever you didn't get your way. Never considering his feelings when yours were hurt.

"Sorry," you mumbled.

"I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it. But I'll have to teach you your lesson. Just so you know better next time."

You nodded your head, which made him spank you once more, "Yes, daddy!"

"Good. How many do you think you deserve?"

"Um... Fifteen. Ten for threatening to leave, and five for giving you attitude."

"See, you're so smart. I'll punish you tomorrow though. I'm tired right now," he groaned as he sat back against the couch, squeezing your hips and admiring your figure, showing through the thin material of your nightie.

"Um, daddy?"

"Yes, angel?"

"Is there anyway I can make you feel better right now?"

"Yeah, you can give me a kiss. You didn't give me one this morning when I left, or when I came back."

"Okay, I'll kiss you. But I also wanted to do more..." you murmured, your face burned hot as you realised that Steve was going to make you say what you wanted to do.

"Like what?"

"Like, take your cock down my throat. Would that make you feel better? I'll try and be careful about your stitches." Truth be told you missed being intimate with him, you needed it as much as he did.

"It definitely would make me feel better. But I want to have you close to me," he stroked the inside of your thighs, hands dangerously close to your cunt, "Why don't you, come ride my cock. Just like I taught you, hm?"

"But - what if I hurt you..." you whined. But he wasn't having any of it, rolling your panties down your legs.

"You wouldn't, puppy, come on we'll be careful. Be quick."

You gave him a meek nod, unzipping him with shaky fingers, giving his glorious cock a couple of pumps before straddling his lap. You made sure to not put any pressure on his lap. Lining his cock up to your pussy with your hands wrapped around his neck, you slowly sanked down on him.

First giving him a nice and thorough kiss to make him for not kissing him goodbye or welcome home like you always do. "I feel so full," you say against his lips.

He hummed, squeezing your ass, "I was made for you, angel. As you were for me." He slid the straps of your nightie down your arms, exposing your breasts to him. He made sure to shower them with all his lips, sucking, kissing and biting and pulling with his mouth. You were making the sweetest of noises, trying to keep your moans in as he helped you bounce on his cock by holding onto your hips.

"You're doing so good. Being such a good girl for me. My sweet, best girl," he cooed, kissing your forehead, he knew how you were still vulnerable to be on top.

"Am I making you feel better, daddy?" you sniffled, his cock hiting you in all the right places, making it impossible for you to keep going and hold off your climax.

"I'm all better already, thanks to you, puppy."

[ptergwen]

written in the stars

w/c: 2.7k

warnings: jus (lots of) making out

summary: using your newly acquired knowledge of astrology, you test your compatibility with tom

a/n: i was planning on making this a little blurb for y’all but then i got really into it and here we are lmfhfksjks i promise you don’t have to know anything about astrology or birth charts to enjoy cuz i broke it all down + it’s not the main focus of the fic anyways! this is mostly a day in the life with tommy boy and i hope you like it as much as i do :,) also some of this might be wrong.. i’m not an expert so yeah

•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“right, so how does this work again?” tom watches your laptop screen with curious eyes.

you’ve been getting into astrology lately, and whatever you care about, so does he. that’s why you’re currently laid across your bed in sweats while you teach him everything you know. but first, you’ll need to do his birth chart. it’s the pinnacle of everything.

“you just have to tell me what time you were born, then it does the rest for me,” you grin, typing in the name of the website. you’d had to do some research to find a reliable one. “that’s it? you don’t need, like, my birthday or something?” tom quirks an eyebrow at the chart generator.

“i already know your birthday, babes.” you laugh softly and let your head fall onto his shoulder. “you crazy gemini.” ���‘m not crazy.” he smiles despite himself, leaning his head on yours. “just got a big personality, innit? charming, clever, lots of energy,” he lists off the characteristics of his sign, which you just taught him. that lights up your whole face.

“definitely not cocky,” you deadpan, tom scrunching his nose in response. “look at you, remembering all that. you really are clever.” “well, it’s interesting.” he drapes an arm around you, fingers running up and down your side. “i quite like the idea of the universe knowing me so well.”

tapping your fingers on the keys, you hum. “you’ll love your birth chart, then. tell me when you were born.” tom grimaces and squeezes at your waist. “i don’t actually know.” “how do you not know?” you flick his back playfully, making him flinch. he pokes you so you’re even. “i’ve never thought to ask. guess i’m not that clever after all.”

those are teasing words, but you press a reassuring kiss to his cheek. he gladly accepts it and gives you one on the side of your neck.

“no, your head’s gigantic. there’s gotta be something up there.” you knock on his skull for emphasis, your hand tangling in his hair. tom lets out a breathy chuckle. “hot air,” he explains as your fingers run through the messy locks. “you’re so...” you don’t even have the words. tom does. “hilarious? witty? amusing?” he tries to finish, tilting his head back to look at you.

“yeah, all of the above,” you confer and bring your hand back down to the keyboard. your lips curve into a smirk when tom whines. he’s the biggest baby, and he makes no attempt to hide it. “why don’t you text your mom and ask for your time of birth?” you suggest, tom pursing his lips in agreement. “sure, i’ll give mum a ring. i bet she loves this stuff, too.”

you roll over to lay on your back, tom still on his stomach. he pulls his phone from his pocket and opens imessage. “ah, nikki’s an astrogirl?” you wonder. tom makes a funny face at the term. “is that what you call yourselves?” “not really. well, not officially.” giggling, you loop your fingers around his wrist. “you can be an astroboy, if you want. or girl.”

tom sighs and leans over so his face hovers above yours. “god, you’re adorable. how are you so cute?” he gently pecks your lips. you’re about to kiss back, then he moves off to your cheek. after that is your forehead, chin, and finally down the bridge of your nose. it leaves you out of breath from laughter and with warm skin.

“i can’t answer that if you’re gonna launch a kiss attack on me-“

tom’s lips capture yours in a proper kiss, which you now get the chance to reciprocate. you hold him in place with your hands on his cheeks. his eyes instantly flutter closed and lashes tickle your face. the feeling draws another giggle out of you, and right into his mouth.

“absolutely gorgeous,” tom mutters against your lips. “anyone ever tell you that?” “you do, tommy. all the time.” your voice comes out gravelly, breathless, a grin painting your face. it transfers to tom. “mm, that’s right. my pretty baby.” he’s beaming down at you. he moves on top of you swiftly, his weight held up by his elbows on your sides.

you pull apart so you can go back in harder, hands situating in his curls again. tom grabs at your hips while the kiss deepens. your legs wrap around his waist clad in joggers and allow your bodies to be even closer together. the less space between you two, the needier you both get. “love,” tom parts his lips for you. “can i get a little more?” “course you can, tommy.” your fingers tug at his curls, mouth opening slightly.

his tongue skims its way across your lower lip, asking for access. you give his hair another pull to grant it. tom lets his tongue slip into your mouth, searching for your own as his hands continue to roam your body. he’s gone from gently peppering you in kisses to fully eating your face. no complaints, though. a quiet whimper escapes you when your tongues clash.

tom starts to push up your t-shirt, eyes opening to meet yours for approval. they’re completely darkened. you nod because you can’t answer with words. your tongue is preoccupied, intertwined with his. he sets his hands on your bare stomach, your nails scratching at tom’s scalp in a way that elicits a low groan.

“feels good?” your words come out muffled, barely audible. tom still understands them. “so good,” he rasps, calloused fingers dragging along your skin. they start to move up your body as you brush your lips against his. the kiss is light, and tom’s lips feel swollen as they move. his hands are nearing your chest, your legs tightening around his waist.

it earns another sinful noise from him. you want to see just how much he’s enjoying himself, so you peek up at him. what a sight that is. his faced twisted up as he focuses on kissing you, strands of hair stuck to his forehead from your playing with it. he’s so beautiful, and deserves to know. before you can tell him, you see his phone light up from the corner of your eye.

“tom,” you mumble his name. he’s too distracted by searching for your bra hook to hear. “tommy?” you’re louder this time, his mouth moving off of yours. “what is it, love?” tom exhales, hot breath hitting your face. “i think your mom texted back.” you offer a smile and run your thumb over his plumped lips. he only squints at you.

“about your time of birth,” you clarify. “for your birth chart.” “oh, that.” he kisses your thumb, nodding to himself. “forgot we were doing that.” tom tends to get a bit carried away with anything you related. making out can go on for hours and down many different paths, but it’s not the only thing. he’s a man in love, and the woman he shares that with gets all his attention at any given time. you’re so lucky to receive it.

you nod back and feel his racing heart as it beats against yours. “if you still want to, yeah.” “i definitely do. wanna hear you say more nice things about me,” tom jokes, a smug grin pulling at his lips. your eyes narrow. “who says they’ll be nice?” you challenge and earn a snicker from him.

“alright, missy. can you hand me my phone please?” he drops his head onto your chest, big brown eyes gazing up at you. “yes, sir.” you pat his cheek and grab his phone from next to you. tom’s contact name for nikki is set as ‘Ma x’, which brings a toothy smile to your face. “here you go.” you dangle his phone above his head. tom takes it from you promptly. “thanks.”

after leaving a couple of kisses on your clothed chest, he rolls to lay next to you. “let’s see, let’s see,” he murmurs, reading his mom’s messages. you scoot closer so you can look. “ooh, lots of crying emojis,” tom remarks. “i think you made her kinda nostalgic.” you pout at the screen. copying your face, he clicks on a picture nikki attached.

“she even pulled out the birth certificate.” he shows you his phone, and you zoom in to see when he was born. “big stuff here,” you say while you read. tom takes the time to get comfortable, resting his chin on your shoulder. “looks like you popped out in the middle of the night,” you conclude, giving him his phone back. he clicks his tongue at you.

“don’t say popped out.” feigning innocence, you glance over at him. “too late.” tom types out a reply thanking his mom before tossing his phone aside. “middle of the night makes sense, though.” he bites the inside of his cheek. “i’ve always been a party animal, haven’t i?” you turn onto your side and put a hand on his chest.

“it’s in your gemini nature. or really, your tom nature.” tom does an over exaggerated wink. “i like the sound of that.” he chuckles when you hit at his chest. “bring the laptop. let’s get this thing going.” you huff as you reach over him to grab it. you’ve switched positions so you’re laying horizontally on your stomach and over his legs, your laptop in front of you.

“if we find out there’s any scorpio in you...” you shutter. “hm? what’s wrong with scorpios?” tom wonders, watching you plug his birth time into the generator. “they’re literally insane, tom. like, serial killer insane. there’s statistics.” your eyes go wide as you hit enter. he leans his head back on his arms with a wince. “never mind, then.”

a small gasp leaves your lips, you squeezing tom’s knee. “it’s done.” “what does it say? share with the audience,” tom requests so you do your thing. you’re eager to get to it, turning the laptop to show him his birth chart. “ok, so.” you point at a box a few places down. “this is your rising sign, which is basically how other people see you.”

tom reads the chart, moving his own finger along the screen. “it says i’m a... taurus. what are those like?” “in one word? boring,” you summarize, tom only frowning. “kidding, kidding.” his frown fades into a small smile at that. “they’re known for being super nice and chill... also stubborn,” you tell him and prop your head in your hand.

“so, that makes no sense. those are complete opposites,” tom comments, slipping out from under you. he settles by your side. “i don’t get how i can be a gemini and a taurus, either.” “weird, right?” you sigh in content as his hand comes to stay on the small of your back. “very strange. do you think it could be wrong?”

“are you questioning the universe’s plan?” you tease, tom drumming his fingers on you. “yes, i am.” “see, you’re stubborn! taurus things.” you scroll down to his moon sign before he can protest. tom sticks out his tongue and tries to lick your cheek, which you stop by putting your hand in his face. “next is your moon sign,” you laugh out, ignoring his boyish behavior.

“that controls your emotions and private thoughts,” you elaborate and look presently surprised when you see what tom’s is. “yours is sagittarius. that’s a cool one.” “is it? how come?” tom sneaks a few kisses down the shell of your ear. “you guys are really open-minded and into things that challenge you.” he nods, signaling for you to go on. you turn onto your back so you’re looking up at him.

“you’re all about your freedom, though. it’s hard to hold you down for too long.” grinning, tom brings his face into your line of vision. “that must mean you’re a real force because i’m not going anywhere.” he nudges your nose with his, lips ghosting over yours. you return the smile and meet him halfway for your lips to connect. “anytime soon,” tom adds on in a whisper, kissing back easily.

this one doesn’t last long, but it doesn’t need to. it’s just one of those kisses that makes you feel each other’s love, no matter how you go about it. they’re essentially your own made up love language.

you’re still smiling when your lips detach, fingers combing through tom’s tussled locks. “now that we’ve done the big three...” you preface. “androids, aliens, and wizards?” tom jokes, you breathing out a laugh. you’d thought he had a soft spot for sam and bucky. your suspicions were correct.

“cute, but no. your sun sign, moon sign, and rising sign,” you explain to him. “sure, sure. what about them?” tom toys with the hem of your shirt while you think. a mischievous glint in your eyes, you suddenly sit up. “since you know yours, and i know mine, how about we test our compatibility?”

tom is well aware of what that means, and he isn’t so sure he’d like to do it. he’s someone who believes in cliches like soulmates and fate, so he’ll take your results seriously. after the lessons on astrology you gave him, especially.

his heart will always hold a special place for you and you only. nothing will change that. but, what if the universe says you can’t be together? where do you go from there?

“um,” tom presses his lips into an uncertain line. you’re already getting your laptop. “i mean, do we want to know? what if we’re not...” you come back over to him with both eyebrows furrowed. “compatible?” “yeah” he hesitates before answering, which tells you he’s nervous.

“it’s just for fun, tommy,” you assure him and press a quick kiss to his lips. “besides, if anyone could defy the odds, it would be us.” tom perks up a bit, sitting up next to you. “you think we’re that strong, huh?” “absolutely. do you?” you’re already sure what he’s going to say. he pulls you into his lap, kissing at your hair and letting it linger. “one hundred percent. i’ll do it.”

you put your laptop in your own lap with a grin. tom’s arms hold you by your middle. “ok, here we go,” you mutter, searching for a good compatibility calculator. it doesn’t take long to find one. “remember, this all a bunch of theories. our love goes beyond what a stupid website tells us, okay?” you remind him, his arms tightening around you.

“okay. i love you,” tom speaks into your hair. “you’re so good at saying exactly what i need to hear. how do you do it?” “i love you too, and that’s a secret i’ll never tell.” you take one of his hands and bring it to your lips. tom’s leg bounces while you plug your three signs and his into the calculator. before hitting the calculate option, you look at him over your shoulder.

“ready?” your finger hovers over the cursor. you know how much these things mean to him, so you want to be positive that he is. “can we do it together?” tom asks shyly, which is highly uncharacteristic of him. “sure, baby. on the count of three.” you wait for him to place his hand over yours. he grips it tight, then you start to count. “one... two... three.”

the two of you click calculate at the same time, your results taking a few seconds to load. “love, i’m so nervous. i can’t look.” tom dips his head down so yours is blocking his view. you lightheartedly roll your eyes. “it’s fine, tom. i’m sure we’ll-“ the screen changes to display your compatibility rating, you cutting yourself off. he slowly creeps out from behind you.

“oh, god. are they in? what’s it say?” tom grabs onto your waist, feeling vibrations from you giggling. you shake your head at the website. “it’s really good... almost a perfect match. told you we’re meant to be.” he joins in your laughter, an endless amount of kisses going down the side of your head. “now, it’s written in the stars. we’re untouchable!”

he’s flipping you over so he lays above you, lips colliding messily with yours for the millionth time today. you don’t mind, though. you could do this a million more. “a power couple,” you continue for him between another peck of his lips. “always have been,” tom corrects and shuts you up again with his mouth on yours.

your hand reaches up for him, but doesn’t make it as the passionate kiss he’s giving you takes your breath away. he locks your fingers together instead, whispering one last thing.

“always will be.”

[thefanciestborrower]

Saw that character asks post, and now I gotta know more about these lads!

May I perhaps ask 1 and 12 to Ben,

And 1, 7, and 14 to James?

Also, I’m very curious if #84 had any special significance, and why you chose it!

Ben:

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself!

Sup guys! I’m Ben, and I’m one of the craziest people you’re ever likely to meet. No really, I’m pretty sure I am. I mean, not many other guys would be willing to sing on a table in front of all their friends or dive down a giant’s throat, and therefor that makes me special. I love acting, gaming, and hey if you’ve got YouTube then you should totally check out my stuff because I am ALWAYS looking to up that follower count. It’s mostly original shorts and things, but I think if enough people start spreading my work I could really make it big. What else what else...oh! I can play harmonica, which is a skill few have mastered and I am very proud of it. 

12. What’s your favorite part of being nommed?

Well what’s not to like! I mean, sure some of my friends think I’m a bit weird for enjoying it so much, but I think they’re secretly just jealous I’ve got the best spot to nap and play splatoon between classes. It’s warm, soft, and call me crazy, but even the slime is pretty fun once you get used to it. Plus I get to mess with James and listen, seeing how embarrassed I can get him with a few simple little pokes to his stomach is always a highlight of my day.  

James:

1. Alright, pred, tell us a little bit about yourself!  

Hey everyone, my name is James, and I guess the most interesting thing about me is that I play football. It’s...more of a hobby than anything really, but I love the exercise and it’s a great way to make friends. My favorite thing to do if I ever end up with some free time though is taking care of my plants. It’s a little silly and boring sounding maybe, but for me it’s also very relaxing. Which I think is important you know? I mean, I like hanging out with my friends, but I need my alone time as well from time to time. I also really like cooking and eating new foods. Again, that’s also more of a hobby than something serious, but there’s just something so fun about creating, well, art, with something most people take for granted. 

7. How does your favorite prey react to being eaten?

Oh, you mean Ben? He’s practically crawled down my throat on multiple occasions and I think that about sums up how he feels about the whole process. He’s pretty wiggly too, and while I’d be lying if I said the movement didn’t feel nice, sometimes it makes him a little hard to swallow. Mm, he’s also loud. Like, really loud. The second he realizes he’s about to be eaten he either launches into extremely dramatic ‘oh woe is me’ mode, or starts cackling like a madman. Not great for when I’m trying to avoid attention I’ll say that much. Even after I’ve got him down he practically never stops moving or talking, even in his sleep, and it can be pretty distracting when I’m trying to study. Would not recommend eating him before a test I’ll say that much. 

14. When being a pred, do you take your time?  Or do you like to hurry the process along?

Well, I suppose I tend to take my time. That is, I don’t really like to eat someone as fast as possible often. I’ve done it before of course for games and such, but sometimes that means they’ll get stuck or I end up with a sore throat, and it just...isn’t a fun experience. But I definitely eat faster than some other friends of mine, so maybe I’m somewhere in the middle? It’s hard to say. I do enjoy savoring Ben in particular when I can though. He tastes so good and...gosh this is embarrassing, but sometimes I’ll get cravings specifically for him you know? And when that happens I definitely go a lot slower than normal. 

Okay okay now get ready for this dump of American football knowledge I gained through my extensive hour of research lol and my reasoning behind choosing #84 for James’s jersey.

So apparently, those numbers on the players jerseys actually tell you what position they play! I thought it was like, idk, a way to keep track of how many people you had in the whole team or something hwjhfdhbd but NO! 

Anyways after talking with a friend of mine who is very knowledgeable about the physical attributes you need for different sports ball positions, we decided James is a tight end. Basically, in the most basic terms possible, they’re the players that are big enough to block linebackers and defensive ends but athletic enough to run fast and catch passes. They also tend to be on the taller side. So the number on his jersey is basically just there to tell you what he plays

I think there was some change that happened in 2021 that redid the number system but honestly I don’t care that much lol. Most stuff said 80-89 is the correct range for a tight end so I went and picked 84. Idk why that number specifically, it just felt nice 

[pdaliceliveblogs]

Yeah, I feel that. Not gonna lie, I’m a sucker for redemptions especially when what the person did was actually bad and they have to actually fight to change, so I do like the plot we got in and of itself, it just doesn’t feel like it jives with how it was set up before and I would have liked what I thought was coming even better, you know? 

True enough, yeah! Seeing Alador kind of collapse into following Odalia’s lead would have upset Darius in more ways than just his own broken heart. 

Mm, I do think Graye subverts an element of illusions, in that he’s deeply uncreative. I don’t think we ever saw him make an illusion that wasn’t just a replication of an existing person, and he repeatedly totally failed to find the words to express what he wanted. Compare that to Gus’s shenanigans at the Graveyard, or even his day-to-day signs and confetti and such. I do 100% agree with you that he’s a total fraud and that suits his ‘illusion’ of competence. I also found it really interesting that the points where he was most threatening were when he was hands-on— when he tried to Abomination-seal Gus, and when he knocked Hunter over and stood on his back, and grabbed Gus by the arms. He’s not nearly as magically powerful as some of the other Coven Heads, but he’s also a merciless asshole, and that’s threatening in and of itself. 

Ah, nice! I gotta watch that someday. 

Not weird at all, I think that’s a really great parallel. It’s a very cool example of their difference in character— and all the way back in the beginning I found it odd that people referred to Luz’s oddities as being unable to separate fantasy from reality, as that didn’t seem to be her issue, but it is Belos’s— he can’t see any way that this new world isn’t the evil fantasy he was told about as a child. 

I mean, they definitely have movie posters on the Boiling Isles; I remember that review of a human-based horror movie when Luz was doing research in the library. So he can totally tell it’s a poster. I bet he’s sat there for ages making up his own plots for The Thing, based just on what’s on the poster and his own imagination….

Yeah, I’ve been really enjoying that too! In that episode especially, but I think all over they’ve been ramping it up, even in little things like making the Steves have different body types and such. 

Makes sense— taking an image and making it solid. 

Fair enough lol. Maybe Eileen just has very nutritious eyedrops she absorbs through the membrane…?

Haaaaaahahahaha oh god. I’m not ready. 

I’m about to start, though.