#but me?
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why must I cry so much.
#vent#I don't mean this in a dramatic way or anything. I just. cry a lot.#and it's annoying.#my parents aren't the cause for it- school can be anxiety ridden but I get over it sooner#but me?#ohohohoho I blame myself for making me cry so much#i come up with the world's worst âwhat ifsâ and âwhysâ then I cry a lot and refuse to talk.#sorry for venting publicly. I wanted it out of my system.#might make this private someday.#it feels wrong sharing it to others.#this is half-humorous half-serious because joking a little makes me feel less bad.#I'm sorry.#also#thanks.
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I wish they let stewy cry once, I wouldâve gotten immense (completely NON SEXUAL (lying)) satisfaction.
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iâm still trying to figure out my âcalling.â i want to feel like i was made to do something â that itâs my purpose
#cynthia talks.#this is probably very niche#everyone in my life seems to have it figured out#they have that hobby or job that they could not live without#but me?#i feel so lost
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nothing makes me happier than a meal that makes my eyes water lmao
#and when ur nose is running. thatâs how you know the food is good đ#hello fresh has been nailing it lately I love a good spicy meal#my parents god love them are very stereotypically white in that they think things are over seasoned very easily#but me?#hello fresh: put in a pinch of red pepper flakes#what I read: pour đ that đ bag đ in đ#same with jalpeno the directions are always like: use half#me: what they meant to say was the whole thing#rose.txt
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Mathias:well yeah, fate is something we canât stop. All we can do is endure it. Even if it hurtsâŚ
Macaque: YeahâŚ
Macaque: But itâs kind of a useless abilityâŚ
Macaque: What kind of omniscient being can see through the future but not do anything about it�
#lego monkie kid#lmk au#lmk season four#lmk macaque#yeah#so this was inspired by JTTW!Macaque#wherein despite having future hearing he did nothing to prevent his death#some people think it was because he was too busy trying to steal Wukongâs life.#but me?#Iâd like a possibility where fate might have doomed him from the start.
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whats lovely here is how much ive internalized this sort of abelism. both times i tried to kill myself but especially the second time i had this entire twisted mentality (that i would never apply to anyone else) that like. bc im disabled and mentally ill and too traumatized and all this shit i should just kill myself (lonely too bc my brain constantly went "euthaize urself") so that i wouldnt be a burden on my family snd society and just a useless piece of shit who needed and took and couldnt give enough in return and survive in this hellish capitalist system. and that my family would be so much better off without having to deal w me and that ive wasted sooo many of their resources on my stupid ass. and that i should kill myself too bc with all my issues i should like,,,, doom myself to a life of solidarity and never having a romantic relationship or relationships in general bc id just burden ppl and that's not fair and they deserve better. and i had such a feeling that i was this useless waste of fucking space and air and time and resources. and i think it just rly hit me for the first time as im writing this that thats uhhhhh. internalized abelism like,,,, bad
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I just spent half an hour on the phone with my kid, who's 4 hours away from me, while a tornado went somewhere through the neighborhood. He lives with my parents, but they're visiting my brother on the other coast and aren't home.
He's telling me how loud the wind is, and how dark the sky is, and how much its raining, while hunkered down in the basement with his cat. He lives in New Jersey, which is not known for its tornadoes. This is the second one he's been through this year.
The next person who says climate change isn't real is getting throat punched.
#i kept wondering if i was going to hear the house being swept away#he lost power#but everything seems to be mostly ok#from what he can see without leaving the house#but me?#i'm having a fucking whiskey
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I was in so much head pain last night before bed. I had no idea why and advil wasnât working.
Then I remembered I felt hunger hours ago and thought âIâll go eat in a momentâ and never did. Ate something and felt better in over 10 minutes đ¤Ś
#blog in the woods#I always feed and take care of my cat tho#but me?#nahhhh what even is eating???#I need a significant other to remind me i swear man Iâd be in a lot less pain and be better taken care of đ#I canât be trusted with my own well being
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staff: our april fools joke this year is a silly feature that doesn't really do anything but give you a button to boop other users! they have to opt-in first though :)
me:
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the transition im crying
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Yâever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way opened to it?
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"This fic was ai generatedâ" Cool, so lemme block you real quick
#the ethics are whack but more importantly you didn't even want to write it?? who is it even for?? not you? not me?#you didn't even have enough interest in the premise to take a crack at it?? then who cares?#please don't populate in my search results I'm looking for things that people wrote because they liked something#ao3
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it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.
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Not socialist in a âI wonât have to workâ type of way but socialist in a âIâll still be working but I wonât be worried I wonât make the rentâ type of way. In a âbillions wonât be hoarded by one personâ type of way. In a âjanitors, fast-food workers, child care workers, preschool teachers, hotel clerks, personal care and home health aides, and grocery store cashiers, will live comfortablyâ type of way. In a âthe sick and elderly will be cared forâ type of way. In a âno child should workâ type of way.
#socialist#socialism#communism#anti capitalism#the belief that we wonât work under capitalism genuinely makes me so mad#like#you realize the goal of social reform is to abolish imperialism right?#there wonât be good just showing up out of nowhere without slavery and/or imperialism
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[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories
#đż misc#idk how to tag this#i just love making lists#and sorting things into categories#pinterest#??#this is part of what motivates me to write i just love making lists of scenes and then sorting them into categories#bangers
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