#but maybe that makes it more upsetting somehow
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Not addressing anyone here. Just adding my recent experiences and thoughts on this concept.
Way too many people genuinely act like you don't get to be upset with someone trying to treat your human rights like pineapple on pizza. I fully agree. It's shitty as fuck. Bigots get to say the most vile things and everyone they're targeting has to treat them with fucking kid gloves and it's fucking bullshit. You have no obligation to be kind.
However, it is an unfortunate fact that most people (who are still reachable) learn and change when they're faced with calm challenges to their position, vs getting their head bitten off which is more likely to drive them into the arms of extremist groups who take advantage of their stress and confusion to pull them in. I've been trying to develop the patience and strength lately to build tolerance of lighter bigotry so I can talk with the person long enough to plant some seeds. I see it as less 'be kind' and more "is this person an actual lost cause or are they just parroting whatever because they've never had to think in their life about any beliefs they hold and only ever get to interact with a select handful of flavours of humanity? Can I reach them, even a little, then let them go and see what happens?"
I had a 2 hour conversation with a guy the other day who "doesn't believe in" climate change, thinks Trump is morally 'neutral' and that maybe segregating Trans and POC people at the Olympics is the answer to whether or not Trans people should be allowed to compete.
Stupid and fucked up? 300%.
He also held a lot of normal progressive views and was queer. Cognitive dissonance galore in this man. (He also somehow genuinely believes it's the Democrats rolling back queer rights and was surprised when I explained to him how the Supreme Court works and that they're the ones attacking human rights because the Court is currently controlled by Republicans, not Democrats. He was actually surprised so I'm concerned where the fuck he's getting his information from, damn. It's always so much 'fun' trying to understand and then explain American politics as an Australian to other Australians. XD )
I actually ended up managing to challenge the majority of the fucked up bullshit he spouted in a way that seemed to actually make him think. I could see and hear the way he was talking was someone with a very limited pool of information not knowing any better and he even literally said "I've never gotten to talk to someone like you before" and had a generally positive demeanour toward me the entire time (while internally I was going yuck yuck yuck yuck hold on deep breaths remember you had really shitty beliefs ten years ago and even recently and probably still have some you have to work on that make other people go yuck yuck yuck yuck hold on just let him hear himself and hear you and let it germinate).
A year ago I would have walked away and also stopped engaging with him entirely.
But this time I experimented with a different angle and because I put the effort in to assume ignorance and offer him active listening I think I gave him a lot to chew on. I could literally see him thinking about things in a way you only get when someone is actively listening back (compared to how they behave and speak when their only goal is to clobber and belittle and bad faith 'debate' you into the ground about your own goddamn human rights).
People are scared, people are ignorant, people lack education and a wide enough pool of experience to engage with to develop their own critical thought and self-improvement, and bad faith actors are always taking full advantage of this, ESPECIALLY at the political and law making level.
Please don't get me wrong though. None of this is to say everyone has to suddenly stand there for 2 hours getting slammed with rancid takes about their own identity, culture, race, sexuality or whatever else the person is casually stomping all over with their 'opinions' because they've never experienced what it's like to be on the receiving end of their own bullcrap. And if you're personally part of whatever group is being stomped on then yeah, if you don't have the energy to educate every random bigot while being expected to have no negative responses to their behaviour, then absolutely walk away. And anyone insisting you have some kind of obligation to take that to the face just to teach some random who thinks so little of you can fuck off.
But if you do have the capability - be it because you don't personally experience the thing but know how to help educate about it, or have enough patience left to try with this person because you think they're worth your effort - and you won't be putting yourself in danger by standing up to them, then please do give it a try occasionally. Even if all it does is help to remind you that bigots aren't a monolith and can hold the most progressive views available then turn around and slap you with 'ok but maybe we should segregate sports again' while so damn sure that's somehow not racist as fuck because they genuinely believe racism is when you look at brown skin and deny service or something and that's the full extent of education they have on what it is. (And that type of limited education extends to their understanding of other marginalised demographics too of course). Re-humanising the enemy is always going to be helpful for combating them, so you can try thinking of it like that too if you do decide you want to try with someone like this and need something to help you get through the conversation long enough to plant some seeds and hope they grow. Better to add people to our ranks than to 4Chan's.
Many people have helped me break away from dangerous subtler shitty beliefs and mentalities throughout my life simply by taking me through my paces on it and patiently challenging and then letting me grow, and it's made me a much better person. I'm so grateful to all of them and I'm trying to learn the skills to pass that on. I hope other people out there who have the energy to try this see this and give it a go when they can. A multi-faceted approach is usually the best way to go, I think, and there are enough of us out here that not everyone has to do this, but there are some who can (especially if they have relevant societal privileges to help shield them) and will and that can have a huge impact on changing the tide. (Just pick your battles carefully and stay safe.)
“Be kind to each other even if you disagree about politics”
Actually no, I’ll tell you to fuck off if you tell me I shouldn’t have rights. Hope this helps!
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Guilty as sin?
natasha romanoff x fem!reader
summary: nat saves you from an asshole, you thank her by cooking dinner, smut ✨
Warnings: 18+, vomiting, violence, toxic man, sex, masturbation, caught masturbating, fingering, cunnilingus, nat's topping, writing in cum?
AN: i love Guilty as Sin? from TTPD, one of my favs 100%. also i saw someone on tiktok saying that they couldn't waterboard that information out of them that blondie's just confessing in her songs lmao. fkn love her ovulation songs hahaha, anyways plz enjoy.
word count: 4.7k
--//--
The gym was more crowded than usual, a lot of new agents having passed the first level of recruitment, which meant more people in the regular gym. Besides the ‘normal’ gym, there was a specialty gym that was more equipped for super humans in the basement, but you and a few others don’t like the atmosphere and prefer the natural sunlight this gym offers. Hence why one of the cocky new recruits was constantly pestering you.
“You should actually pull your shoulders back more.” He remarked, snide grin on his face as he let his weight fall against the machine you were using. “I think I’m fine, thanks” You muttered out. You wished he’d leave you alone, not in the mood to deal with shit like this today, but he was like a cockroach that wouldn’t leave you be. It’s actually baffling how this guy is still trying to make conversation, your giant noise-cancelling headphones not making it obvious apparently that you wanted to be left alone.
You huffed out in annoyance as he kept on criticising you, disguised as helpful commentary, followed by ‘flirty’ remarks that made you want to barf. He thought he was being slick, the way he kept on looking back to his friends by the weights station, then back to you with a revolting smile on his face. For a second you thought maybe he just wanted to use your equipment, so you grabbed your towel and water before leaving to the leg press. But he had just had to continue his boring, self-inflating, one-sided conversation about how he was top of the program, and that he’d be glad to show you “how it’s really done”.
After 15 minutes of his presence, Natasha walked in, and somehow time stood still as your soul felt the redhead walk in, eyes instantly connecting. You smiled for the first time that day, the mere sight of the redhead calming every tense nerve in your body. Her firm gaze softened upon meeting yours, to most people her expression looked unmoved but you knew she had a little soft spot for you. She nodded slightly in greeting before moving to the treadmills by the entrance of the gym.
The guy still hadn’t taken the hint. “You’ve gotta place your feet closer together actua-“ “Hey, dude I’m sorry, but I’m just trying to work out in peace here, if you don’t mind?” You kept calm as you removed your headphones to directly speak to him, offering a curt smile to try to not upset him too much. He didn’t seem to like that too much, raising his voice as he told you that he was just trying to help and make conversation. You frowned at that, stating that a conversation is between two people and that he’s been talking uninterrupted for the last 20 minutes.
Natasha took notice of the slight change in her surroundings as a lot of people became uncomfortable from his behaviour. She shut off the treadmill and walked over to investigate where the noise came from. “Whatever bitch, you’re just jealous that I’m fucking better than you, you were probably one of the last in the recruitment program anyway.” He spat. Before you could retort a very angry Natasha Romanoff stood in between you, staring him down.
He shrank slightly under her piercing gaze as she crossed her arms, but he still wasn’t backing down completely. “What do you want?” He scoffed, pretending as if he wasn’t about to wet himself. “Your name and recruitment ID.” She simply stated, posture unwavering. “I’m not telling you that.” “Oh well ok then, how about we spar for it?” She asked, head tilting slightly. He barked out a laugh “Hah, I don’t fight women.” You decided to jump in, you couldn’t wait to see Nat pound this guy into the floor. (although you wished that she pounded you into the floor instead, wink, wink)
“Aww, someone’s scared.” You pouted, hoping to rile this unrightfully smug guy up. “I’m not fucking scared of some chick! Alright then, fucking bring it on!”
-
The boxing ring quickly cleared out seeing the Black Widow and some temperamental 6’3”toddler approach, with you skipping just a few steps behind them. They each took their position across each other before the referee signalled they could start. The douchebag immediately went for the offense, Natasha effortlessly dodging everything he threw. Only futile efforts were made from his part. You could see the desperation in his fighting, using illegal techniques and effectively making the ref yell at him. You’re honestly surprised that Natasha hadn’t beaten him to a pulp yet, you would’ve knocked him out before the sound of the whistle could register in his head. But Natasha is a paradox, and she has her reasons.
He huffed loudly, frustrated under the watchful eyes of his buddies, who started laughing at his antics. “Come on, you dodgy bitch!” Echoed through the room, followed swiftly by a loud smack and thud. Natasha bent down to pull his ID from his vest pocket. “Tyler West, 1109.” She dropped the card on his face while he was still down, before hopping out of the ring.
“Why did you take so long, Nat, he could have been out since the starting whistle?” You joked, a large smile covering your face, while you collected your things to leave. “Now where’s the fun in that, Y/N?” She retorted. “No, but seriously thank you, I was this close-“ you accentuated by basically pressing your fingers together “to losing my shit completely.”
The rasp in her voice was audibly heard as she chuckled. “Anytime, Y/N.” God- that voice. You smiled up at her as her woodsy perfume entered your airways, effectively paralysing you. Piercing emerald eyes looked down at you. Your tongue unconsciously darted out to wet your lips, an action not unnoticed by the redhead in front of you. “I’ll make sure he gets fired for his behaviour, he shouldn’t even have passed the recruitment test with how shitty he was acting.” You looked down as Natasha still felt traces of anger flowing through her, but the touch of your hesitant hand grabbing hers calmed her down quickly.
“How about I cook you dinner tonight as a thank you?” You fiddled with her hand a bit before looking up again hopefully. Natasha’s lips quirked up, before nodding and stating that that would be lovely. You smiled again, a very tender moment that was rudely interrupted by West throwing up from the concussion. Your smile turned into a look of disgust. “I’m going to go now. I’ll see you tonight.”
-
As you were preparing dinner for you and Natasha, Wanda walked into the kitchen. “Hmmm, smells nice detka. What are you making?” You greeted the witch with a smile. “Some slow braised pork belly for ramen.” Wanda raised her eyebrows, “Wow, what’s the occasion?” You looked down with a blush spreading quickly to your cheeks as you thought about the earlier events. “Well, Nat helped me with something earlier today, so I’m cooking dinner to thank her.” Wanda grinned.
“So you’re finally confessing??” She exclaimed with joy. “NO.” You glared jokingly at your best friend, making her burst out in laughter. She is.. aware of your feelings for Natasha, to say the least. “Come on, how long are you planning to wait until you’re going to express your longings to her?” This time you laughed, “HAH, I’m keeping these longings locked inside a vault. For evermore.” Scoffingly crossing your arms to accentuate your point. Wanda rolled her eyes lightly before you spoke up again after tasting your broth. “Plus she doesn’t even like me how I like her.”
Wanda’s hand smacked against her face in frustration. “Y/N omg just ask her.” You took another spoon and dipped it in the broth, softly blowing on it to cool it down before handing it to the annoyed witch. “No.” You said as she sipped the contents of the spoon. “Damn, that’s good.” You smiled in victory as you stirred the pot again. “How did she help you to deserve such a delicatesse? I’m doing that next time.”
“She euhm- there was this shitty guy bothering me at the gym, and she knocked him out.” Wanda stared at you wide-eyed, thinking of taking you to a specialist ophthalmologist because you must be fucking blind to not see all the signs. “Oh, and she’s getting him fired.” You pulled your lips in a tight smile as you waited for Wanda to react. She turned around and left the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to say “Only your actions talk.” before walking off.
-
You had about 30 minutes until dinner, having agreed to eat at 7. Ok, ok. Pork belly is resting. Bowls are preheating. Soy marinated eggs are in the fridge. Chili oil is cooling down. Scallion: sliced. Yellow chili: sliced. Tiny bakchoi: prepped. Broth is simmering. Bean sprouts… are bean sprouting.. I feel like I’m forgetting something..
You looked around, everything was clean, you had a candle going on the table and everything except the bowls was already laid out. You looked down and saw the mess on your clothes.
CLOTHES! O M G. Ok shit what am I going to wear, what is she going to wear? Omfg how much time do I have left. I look like shit. ‘She’s going to laugh at me - Jezus she’s not going to laugh at you, it’s Nat. – Yes she is, who wouldn’t? look at me? There’s soy sauce on my pants! – Let’s fucking change first before she gets here! –‘
“Oh my god Y/N if you don’t stop fucking spiralling I’m going to hurt you.” Wanda called out in a sing song voice. You looked at her, a bit in shock, before realisation struck over you and you gave her a cheeky smile. “Sorry, I didn’t realise.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you towards your room.
-
After rummaging through your closet for a few minutes, you hadn’t found anything that felt right to wear. You were getting frustrated and you felt like throwing yourself to the ocean rocks. “Wait here.” Wanda ordered you as she walked out the door. She returned a few minutes later, with a stunning flowy green dress. “Oh Wanda you absolute angel! This is gorgeous, where did you get this?” You thanked her furiously, kissing her cheek until she pulled away in annoyance. “I had it laying in my closet, I was going to wear it on a date with an ex of mine, but we broke up before I could wear it so.” She explained.
“Oh, are you sure I can wear it? I can find something else?” You hesitated, trying to hand the dress back to Wanda. “Of course it’s alright, I can use this in my maid of honour speech when you guys get married.” She laughed as you rolled your eyes, thanking her again. She wished you good luck, leaving you to get changed and finish your look.
-
You finished in the nick of time, rushing back to the kitchen were you bumped into someone. Yeah, it was Natasha. “Woah there.” She held you upright as you almost fell. “Omg hi Nat, I’m sorry for crashing into you.” You finally were able to take a good look at each other. Natasha wore a tight black button-up and black suit pants and again her scent invaded your nose stronger than ever. You took a shaky breath, heavily affected by the sight and smell of her.
You failed the way Natasha’s eyes raked over you. “You look beautiful, Y/N.” Your gaze snapped up to hers. “I- well, I- Thanks Natty.”
-
You took the bowls out of the oven with oven mitts, carefully plating the ramen noodles, everything (culinary wise) was running smoothly. You ushered a curious Natasha to the table, wanting to surprise her with the presentation. It looked beautiful when you brought it to the table, placing it delicately in front of the redhead, then placing your bowl down. You took off the oven mitts and tossed them on the counter before sitting down to see Natasha entranced by the sight. “Y/N… this looks, and smells, so fucking good.” She groaned out in a deep and husky voice. Your mouth dropped open at her tone, it sent shivers down your spines and through your bones.
“Thank you so much, Y/N, you really didn’t have to.” She looked at you softly, entranced by the way the candle flickered in your y/e/c eyes. The window behind you was cracked open, letting in a soft early spring breeze that caused the occasional shiver to run over your arms. You nervously bit at your nail as you waited for Natasha’s reaction. She softly smiled as she lifted her chopsticks to her mouth.
Strangely this was the first time Natasha was tasting something that you cooked. She usually orders something, or Wanda brings her something, or Tony orders catering, stuff like that. But after tasting the ramen, she moaned.
Your face flushed quickly, so did hers after realising what she’d just let escape. She coughed nervously, “Wow, this is good.” You didn't dare look into her eyes as you thanked her, trying to hide your obvious blush from the watchful spy in front of you.
-
After you finished dinner you were saying your goodbyes. Natasha leaned down to kiss your cheek. “I hope I get the chance more often to taste your cooking.” You smiled and retorted “I’m sure that can be arranged.”
You talked for a few more minutes before saying good night to each other and going your separate ways, even though your rooms are next to each other. But Natasha had to go check on something in Tony’s office before she could call it a night.
-
You were laying on your bed, half naked. You took off the dress and your shoes after the ‘date’ and tried to cool off on your bed in just your bra and underwear. You dragged your hands over your face. But every time you closed your eyes, the image of Natasha in that tight shirt haunted you. This triggered a train of thoughts. Natasha in tight clothing, Natasha working out and sweating, Natasha taking a protective stance in front of you, Natasha’s gaze earlier. You must be seeing visions.
I’m going mad.
Every frame in your head made you hotter and hotter.
Natasha crashed through the door, her wild gaze found you and in only a few long strides she reached you, cupping your face before devouring you. Her hands gripped your waist possessively, roaming towards your back as you melted into her grasp. You let out an soft moan as her tongue explored your mouth. Your actions turned fast and desperate, messy top lip kisses as the sounds reverberated through the dimly lit room.
“Please.” You sighed out as Natasha moved her lips to mark your neck. She moved you backwards until your knees hit the bed. You fell and dragged Natasha on top of you. Her weight pressing you into the mattress was comforting and she pressed you further down as she devoured you. Her hand came up to grip your jaw, keeping you in place as she explored your mouth. Pulling delicious sounds out of you with every action.
Your hand travelled south, slipping underneath the fabric of your underwear as your eyes were forcibly shut close, trying to visualise the scenario in your head. “Oh, Nat-“ Your other hand gripped your jaw, like the way Natasha did in your fantasy.
“Please Natty-“ You pleaded, finally opening your eyes to look at her. Her eyes were hooded as she took the sight of you in. “What baby, ask nicely.” She said, mouthing at your exposed collar bone. “Please, take me.” She groaned against as soon as your words registered in her head. “Yeah? Want me to take you? Make you feel good?” You nodded desperately, pulling her face back in to kiss her. A high whine leaving your throat.
Her hand quickly pulled your underwear down, her face following quickly, placing open-mouthed kisses on every patch of naked skin she could reach. She wrapped her hands around your thighs, locking you in place before dragging her tongue through your sopping wet folds.
“OH, Oh – Oh my god Nat. Please- please” You were whimpering out, your fingers collecting your arousal before rubbing it on your clit teasingly.
“You taste so good baby.” Natasha husked out. She was building you up so slowly, but so strongly. It was like she knew your body better than you did. Your breathing became laboured, seemingly struggling to handle the way she was building you up to something that would feel like a supernova exploding through you. The redhead noticed of course, pulling away to place a kiss against on your hip. “Breathe for me, gorgeous.” She said as she inserted a finger into you. It’s like she wanted you to fail.
You gasped, one hand grabbing at her forearm as the other held the sheets in a white-knuckle grip. A tear slipped down from your eyes and into your ears. She felt so fucking good. “God you’re gripping me so tight, malysh, all for me.” You whined as she inserted another finger into you, slowly thrusting in and out of you. “Yours.”
The sight of you made her feral, your chest quickly rising and falling as she pulled so many delicious sounds and gasps from you. It came to a point where her tempo became unrelenting as all you could do was lay there and take everything she gave you. The sloshing sounds reverberated through the room and the atmosphere reeked of sex.
She moved up so she could kiss you again, missing the feeling of your lips against hers. You could hardly kiss her back, overwhelmed by the feeling of her skin against yours and her fingers unravelling you. “Hmm you’re almost there aren’t you? You wanna cum princess? You wanna cum for me?” She moaned against your neck, licking a stripe up to your jaw and then behind your ear before biting the sensitive skin there, which is what brought you over the edge. You shook against her, waves of pleasure crashing over you. It felt surreal, like your spirit left your body for a brief second. You thought this was the perfect way to die.
“OH NATASHA!“ You screamed out in pleasure. Fingers rubbing tight circles over your sensitive nub. You were convulsing, wave after wave of pleasure coursing through your veins. Your chest was heaving as you rubbed your non-occupied hand across your body, hoping it would calm you down enough to remove the black spots from your vision. You felt hot, the sheets underneath you feeling like they’re on fire.
She pulled her fingers slowly out of you, so you wouldn’t be shocked into the empty feeling. While making hard eye contact she took her cum-covered index finger to write ‘mine’ on your upper thigh, before moving her fingers up to her face to suck them clean.
“Y/N, are your okay??” Natasha called out as she burst through the door. She wasn’t expecting the sight in front of her. You sprawled across your bed, hand in your panties, sweaty and panting. Your eyes shot open in terror. Natasha quickly realising her misstep as she made eye contact with you. You quickly covered up with a blanket that was laying beside you.
“Nat, omg, hi- what-“ You stuttered out, you don’t think you can play this off anymore. “Y/N, I’m so sorry but I thought I heard you calling my name..?” She looked at you apologetically. The blood rushed into your cheeks, tinting them maroon. “I- euhm, well-“ You stammered. Natasha being the professionally trained spy that she is, quickly put two and two together after her initial chock.
“Oh, you were calling my name then?” She crossed her arms and kicked the door shut, suddenly a lot more confident that you might return her feelings. You were sure that the amount of blood that rushed to your face was harmful. “This is an interesting predicament I have found you in, malyshka.. Screaming my name? With your fingers buried in that pretty pussy? Hmm?”
She inched closer to you as you didn’t seem to object. “Were you thinking of me?” Natasha asked. You saw the way her eyes were looking at you now, pupils dilated so much that her irises looked black. The way her mouth hung open slightly as she took you in. Maybe Wanda was right, maybe Natasha did like you. You didn’t want to leave her hanging any further, insecurity slowly creeping up the redhead’s spine, thinking she might’ve been dreaming that her affections were mutual.
You nodded slowly, and the spy beamed. “Yeah? You were? – Use your words, baby.” She asked as you started nodding again. “Yeah, I-I was..” You turned very shy, forcefully closing your eyes and gripping the blanket that barely covered you until your knuckles turned white. “Hmm, and what was I doing?”
“Y-you were touching me.. making me feel good..” She was standing next to you now, eyes looking down at you with an indescribable look of hunger. You looked up at her, and the aura in the room turned hot. “And how was I doing that exactly, sweetheart?” She asked as she sat down next to you, the blanket falling of your body slightly, exposing new skin that Natasha can admire.
If you were reading the signs wrong, you were going into the Canadian woods to throw yourself to the wolves.
“Like this.” You grabbed her hand with the one that you used to get off mere minutes ago, fingers still sticky from your arousal, and manoeuvred it inside your panties, before taking two of her fingers and sliding them against you.
Natasha looked absolutely and desperately feral now, swallowing the large lump in her throat to try and ground herself. She moaned as she took over control, rubbing her fingers up and down your slippery folds. You removed your hand as Natasha continued her administrations, using your other hand to grab hers to intertwine your fingers. “Y/N, baby, this wet from only thinking about me?”
You let out a whine while nodding, “Please.” You don’t know what you were begging for, your mind was already partially gone from your first orgasm, Natasha could take the reins. Maybe that’s why you were begging, begging for her to take control.
She brought your hand up, kissing each knuckle before pulling both of her hands away. You whined and shook your head. “N-No please don’t leave me, please I need you, I love you. I can’t-“ “Hey, hey, I’m not going anywhere. Y/N” Natasha interrupted you before it hit her. “Y-you love me?” There were tears in your eyes, suddenly overcome with emotions as you nodded again. You mistook her momentary silence as rejection as you started pulling your knees up to your chest, but they were forced down again as Natasha leaped against you, kissing you hard.
Rivulets kept streaming from your eyes as you kissed, fusing Natasha’s delicious taste with the saltiness from your tears. She eventually pulled away, breathing short and heavy. “I love you too, Y/N.” Your lips turned upwards and the sad tears turned into happy ones as you professed your love again. She pulled you in again, embracing you in her strong arms, as she placed gentle kisses to the side of your face.
You grabbed her jaw to move her lips to yours again. She immediately deepened the kiss, her tongue exploring your mouth greedily. She manoeuvred herself so she could lay between your legs, which wrapped around her waist. Natasha could feel the heat radiating from your core and she had never been turned on this much.
“Let me show you how much I love you.” She sighed out against your lips, her hand travelling south again to pull your underwear off. She nipped your collarbone as she shoved your underwear in her pocket, before slipping her fingers between your folds again.
“Oh, Nat.” You breathed out, and you felt her smile against you. She lowered her mouth to your breasts, which were still covered by your bra. This didn’t seem to bother her, as she simply dragged it down to free your breasts, instantly wrapping her lips around your hardening nipples. “Oh, oh, Natty, oh.” You were a whining, blabbering mess. Natasha unravelling you so delicately.
Just as she used her teeth to graze your nipple, she inserted two fingers into you. You gasped loudly, reaching down to grab Natasha’s back harshly with your nails. Even though she’s still fully clothed, she hissed from the sudden sting. You were clawing at her, the urge to feel her skin overwhelming but you couldn’t find the words, instead letting out desperate whines, in hope she’d understand.
Luckily for you, she did, and she took off her jacket and shirt, leaving your hands free to roam her skin. She kissed you briefly again before finally travelling down to taste you. She laid between your legs, grabbing a pillow and signalling you to lift your hips. She placed the pillow underneath you and grabbed your thighs to pull you down.
She sighed contently, placing a delicate kiss above your mound, followed by biting at your inner thighs. She took her time, placing marks everywhere she wanted while you were whining and trying to move your hips closer to her mouth. “Patience, malyshka, I want to take my time with you.” You couldn’t think, lost in the way her mouth feels on you. You couldn’t wait for when she’d finally delve between your folds again. Only breathless pleads left your mouth.
“Please- please” You chanted while searching for something to hold, Natasha offered her hand again and placed it on your lower abdomen, which you gratefully grabbed with both of your hands. Natasha kept teasing you until you finally looked down. She was already looking up at you, “Atta girl.”
A breathless moan escaped you, followed by high pitched whimpers, as Natasha finally dragged her tongue over your sensitive clit. She explored your sex, a combination of kissing, nipping, broad or pointed strokes of her tongue, inside, outside, everything. This woman was devouring you like she’d been starving her entire life. This felt like the beginning of the end, like you would die if she continued, but if she stopped you were sure you’d suffer the same fate. And dying with her tongue shoved deep inside you was better than any other option laid out on the table.
Her free hand had loosened around your leg, and was actively travelling to where Nat was unfolding you. She removed her tongue, but quickly silenced your upcoming whines and protests by stretching you out on her fingers. You squeezed Natasha’s hand hard enough to bruise, and she pressed her hand down lightly to put pressure on your lower stomach. You felt so, so full.
She even started scissoring her fingers to fully rub against your walls, and you screamed out “NAT- OH, OH”. “I know my sweet girl, you are so close aren’t you, I can feel you squeezing my fingers, I can hardly move them.” You were aimlessly nodding to everything she said. “Yes, YES- PLEASE” She adjusted her head a bit, kissing your hip before wrapping her lips around your clit and sucking. “NATASHA-“ You let out a strangled cry, cumming around her fingers.
You were right, you died for a moment, you were sure of it. Your breath halted as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over your grave, your entire body convulsing. Natasha used the hand that you were crushing to rub over your hip and ribcage, hoping to calm you down. You finally gasped in a breath of air and searched for her hand to hold again. You were still breathing hard as you looked down at soft emerald eyes.
She slowly pulled out of you and sucked all except one of her fingers clean, using that one to write ‘mine’ on the place you fantasised about.
#natasha romanoff#natasha romanov#natasha x reader#natasha x you#natasha x y/n#natasha x fem!reader#natasha marvel#natasha smut#lesbian#lesbian smut#lesbian fanfiction#wlw#wlw fanfiction#sapphic#hpb.fanfics#hpb.natasha
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HELP ME FLEE THE USA
Hey all this is a promo post for my KOFI where I'll be fundraising an attempt to flee my country. I'm a US resident and have been my entire life, but my maternal grandmother was from Ireland so I'm hoping to claim citizenship somehow there.
In the short term I'm gonna try to immigrate to Canada but truth be told I've no idea what I'm doing. Help and knowhow is appreciated.
I do voice work and graphics. Peep my Kofi for samples. Anything raised beyond the goal will go toward helping others escape. I'll be signal boosting posts like this so if seeing this kinda stuff ain't your vibe just block the tag commissions or whatever.
I'll get my thoughts together better in the coming days and maybe make a more official post. Please signal boost with a reblog if you can, and remember that you are not alone and there are folks who will be justifiably upset about this entire ordeal.
#;;ooc#ahaha i really hoped i didn't have to do this but here we are#i am queer and disabled i cannot safely stay here with what project 2024 plans#i cannot believe we're in the darkest timeline#election tw
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Ranking the yandere rottmnt boys by how likely they are to kidnap their darling
Just a little crumb to keep myself from losing my mind while staring at google docs this late at night. Sorry if this is super bad, it's way later at night than I'm used to staying up and election night stressed me the hell out.
Donnie.
I have absolutely no doubts that he's going to at least try very very hard to kidnap you. And honestly, I doubt it would be too hard. He's a highly trained, mystic wielding, tech inventing, mutant ninja turtle. And on top of that, he's very fond of planning absolutely everything. And to finish it all off, I think it would be once in a blue moon that he actually treats his darling as an equal. He already thinks he's better than almost everyone, and when he gets obsessed, he has to make himself feel better about it somehow, so he decides to cope by thinking you need him instead of it being the other way around. As a result, he treats you a bit like a very glorified songbird, and songbirds.. well, aren't they usually put in cages anyway? You won't even care after a week or two of adjustment! (He will get upset if you aren't content with being kidnapped by then, by the way.)
2. Raph
The only reason Raph is behind Donnie on this list is because I think he would take longer to justify it to himself. He thinks you're fragile, that you need to be protected from the harsh world! I mean, he barely trusts his youngest brother, who is also a highly trained ninja, to do a simple mission on his own. How do you think he'll treat you after the obsession sets in properly? Not really as an equal, I'll tell you that. He's much nicer to you than Donnie would be, but he still doesn't respect you enough to let you handle yourself, even if that's not how he sees his behavior. At the same time though... isn't he supposed to be a hero? Do heroes kidnap their darlings? Or would this make him the dragon... In the end though, he'll decide that he's fine with being the dragon so long as he knows that the rest of the world won't be able to run their metaphorical (or maybe literal, depending on how unpopular you are in the area) pitchforks right through your heart.
3. Mikey
Mikey wouldn't just.. outright kidnap his darling, I think. I think it would start with a fun sleepover at the lair! Then he insists you stay just one more day! You're having so much fun, after all! Don't you wanna hang out with your best friend for a while longer? You agree, of course- him and his brothers have been nothing but nice to you ever since you met them, and their company is always a delight, so it's worth a shot, isn't it? Then suddenly, the weekend is over, and school's ready to chew you up again, so you do leave. Then it's finally the weekend again! You've heard of a fun game from your school friends, so you plan on trying it when you get home this afternoon- it's friday, after all- when you get a text from Mikey in the group chat with his brothers. He wants you to come over again- and, of course, you say "sure". Not like you can't just play the game on sunday, or when you go home saturday. The sleepover flies by, but you're a bit weary by the time you're pretty sure you're supposed to go home- but here's Mikey, and he's so sure that you promised you'd stay at the lair until sunday again! So, you give in. There's always next weekend, right...? I think you get the pattern, but eventually, he'll be keeping you at the lair 24/7, and you'll be rubbing at your weary eyes wondering how you got into this mess. Sometimes you can even see his brothers shoot you worried looks.
4. Leo
Leo would only kidnap his darling as a last resort, and I think it's because of two reasons. One, he's the brother who sees you closest to being an equal (Donnie and Raph constantly go against your personal autonomy and Mikey puts you on an extremely restricting pedestal), though to be fair, that's not a high bar to pass- and two he much prefers to have some sort of interesting conflict to be present because he finds it entertaining. His life is a weird, morally incorrect soap opera at this point, and he's the number one viewer. Kidnapping would only really happen with him if he thought you were either seriously leaving him (moving or getting into a serious relationship with someone else) or if the circumstances around him got too stressful and he needed something to cling to for any semblance of support outside his brothers (who, at that point, would probably also be super stressed). Think post movie, when the city is still recovering. Man, he was probably freaking out thinking that you might've died to the kraang.
#yandere tmnt#yandere rottmnt#rottmnt x reader#yandere#tmnt x reader#Strawberry's basket#oughhh im so tired#just have to add a little more to something....#then i can sleep....
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Not to mention the whole Puppet heavily psychologically abusing TEAPS!Sun thing. Because she thought she was right. In her mind, Sun needed to get over his agoraphobia and fear of Moon, so forcing him out of the Daycare by triggering his cleaning issues, then having absolutely no empathy as he's cowering from shadows and crying/screaming on the floor because he's so scared... is just fine, to her. Yes, Sun wasn't being fair, but showing no empathy whatsoever? And then forcing the issue when she just learned from her mistake that she admitted to with TSAMS!Sun, trying to force him to choose.
AND THE "YOU'RE GONNA DIE IF YOU DON'T CHOOSE TO SHARE" THING OH MY GOD. That whole interaction was so, so hard to watch. Literally psychological torture at that point, on an animatronic who might as well have been a child. I'd say it's like she learned nothing from TSAMS!Sun's situation, except that she openly acknowledged and took responsibility for handling that situation poorly and pushing Sun too far, which just shows me that somehow she can perceive her failures but not learn from them. 'Cause the dilemma she insisted on with EAPS!Sun & Moon was so much worse. (I still wish she and Eclipse had experienced real, lasting repercussions for that.)
And seeing Eclipse there, acting in the same way because of course he is, traumatising and brute-forcing people into submission has literally always been him M.O., but he just started learning better habits with Earth, and so to set the tone for the next chapter in his life with the person who wants to help him get better egging him on to horrifically abuse Sun? It was just a stomach-drop moment of, oh, nothing's really changed, has it? Eclipse still doesn't have the opportunity of good role models. He still doesn't have anyone showing him a healthy way to act.
It really feels like Puppet gets into this pattern where she decides that someone needs to change, how they need to change, what they need to do to change... and then gets upset at them when they don't comply and it doesn't work perfectly immediately. And she doesn't learn that people don't work that way, no matter how many times it blows up in her face (which isn't a complaint with the writers, I'm just upset at the character).
There's just... a fundamental disconnect with Puppet. There always has been. She tries, but I think maybe she doesn't fully know how to empathise with people. Something doesn't compute. Which sucks, 'cause then how do you help someone like Eclipse, who struggles with empathy, when you yourself don't know much about it? (Though, I'd say Eclipse struggles more with expressing/acknowledging empathy than feeling it, whereas Puppet seems the opposite.)
On a non-Eclipse note though too, I felt all the way back in the Monty and Puppet Podcast episodes how unempathetic she could be. Like, she's marginally better than Monty (though the bar is in Tartarus there) in that she actually somewhat cares whether the guests have read and agreed to the consent form. But that doesn't stop her from putting up the episodes, and as much as she apologises after the fact, she never starts holding Monty accountable to actually make them read it (I'm aware this is a bit, but that doesn't change the literal interpretation of her actions). Also, I know it's a bit, I get that, but playing Lunar's own death for him, repeatedly, after he asked her to stop, repeatedly, is such a callously cruel thing to do. And she plays it for a bit, like it wasn't one of the most traumatic things to happen to Lunar. And she laughed. Because it's funny to her. That always rubbed me the wrong way; her entire demeanour in the podcast episodes does, really.
OKAY SO IM NOT THE ONLY PUPPET HATER?? THANK THE GODSSS ITS SO RARE TO FIND REASONABLE HATE ON PUPPET
I NEED THAT WOMAN DIVORCED!!!!!!
ALL LOVE / NO HATE
Actor of puppet, you’re wonderful. Love you, love your acting, love your lore, BUT I NEED PUPPET OUT OF ECLIPSE’S LIFE BEFORE HIM OR I CRASH OUT. /SILLY /NSRS
Look…it’s expected for me to hate on everyone because…sigh…I’m an eclipse kinnie…I gotta hate everyone…it’s…it’s my…my OBLIGATION, if you will…
no, I have genuine reasons and actual arguments for every character I love, and every character I hate. I think that Puppet is just very emotionally close minded like 80% of the characters despite trying to be sympathetic to Eclipse. She’s trying, she is, but like…girl please…this ain’t how you do it…
I also genuinely haven’t looked at her previous lore or anything, so I can’t say I’m 🤓☝️ “super educated” or anything as I am with Eclipse. However, based off all that I’ve seen in TEAPS, I simply have not been given a reason to like her for any reason. Sure, she’s /trying/ to help Eclipse which is MORE than ANYONE ELSE IS DOING, but at the same time she’s being slightly harmful to him.
WHICH, YEAH, IT’S FUCKING /ROUGH/ TO DEAL WITH THAT MAN
But the way she problem solves and tries to help is just generally problematic and headache inducing. Like…
puppet…if…you’re trying to get someone to participate in games…DON’T. INVITE. THE PEOPLE. THAT HE HARMED, OR GOT HARMED BY.
I FEEEEEL LIKE THAT’S COMMON SENSE.
IS THAT…NOT…COMMON SENSE????
Of course, out of character, looking at the writers and VA’s, they could’ve just really wanted them to play games together. Fair. Reasonable. But I’m looking at them IN CHARACTER. And in character…Puppet kinda sucks.
Bwomp! :(
#eclipse sams#sams#puppet sams#sorry for the rant#I've disliked puppet for a while now#I appreciate the subtle consistencies in how she's written#they just make me really not like her as a person
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I get rly jealous of painters (digital and otherwise but mostly digital) sometimes bc they have the skill and knowledge to be able to do style studies of famous painters, and I frequently have the urge to do some kind of leyendecker study but I patently CANNOT paint, at all, I don't even rly render I am a flat colors and cel shading kind of artist so it would just be kind of useless to attempt bc the style I make art in just isn't the kind that I can do those kinds of experiments in and it feels Bad
#sighs#its not even that im unhappy with my style or my work ive rly come to like my own art a lot#its just like. painting is this thing i cant do (ive tried. dont) and it feels like im never gonna be good enough to get any attention#ive stopped applying for fanzines altogether bc im always gonna get beat out by ppl w more complex styles and rejections r rly discouraging#i dunno. sad. and this isnt even a career for me im a pure hobbyist#but maybe that makes it more upsetting somehow#i just want to make nice things that ppl like but i draw slow and cant render and im tired all the time#its another thing in a long list where i fall in the middle and being Just Okay at stuff uhhhhh really sucks. a lot. at times#theres nothing wrong w being normal or Just Okay but just once id love to be extraordinary! at literally anything!!!!#sorry to anyone who read all of thst its way past mt bedtime and my stress over school is manifesting in weird ways#ill be fine in the morning but rn i am sad :(#and z speaks
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some of you are in a monogamous relationship with eternal misery. the way you manage to find negativity in everything is exhausting. you are not being a realist. you are just going out of your way to find the bad where it does not exist.
#this goes for both daniel AND max fans now somehow#this is not a vague post about anyone in particular because its just so common amongst SO many people#you’ll track down articles from unreliable sources saying things that will upset you despite having no factual basis#then share it for everyone to panic over because you refuse to be alone in your obsessive unending panic over things you cannot control#you’ll share positive articles from reliable sources and still manage to add some pessimistic little caption onto it#please. go outside. talk to your friends. go to therapy and get medicated maybe.#i’m not even saying that for my benefit because i can unfollow and block you#(even though you make your pessimistic panic bleed out into the beliefs and attitudes of the mass populous)#but for your own benefit: you dont have to live like this#it’s so much more fun to be happy#i know you can’t just buy happiness at the store#but feeding into it by posting the negative articles you find and writing that shitty caption that brings everyone down is controllable#realism is fine but this behavior is not realism#*
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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Proseka friend told me that both God-Ish and All I Need Are Things I Like are being added to the game on JP covered by Nightcord (God-Ish) and Wonderlands x Showtime (All I Need Are Things I Like) and oh boy am I scared. They're also adding (Not) a Devil but it's not covered so I'm not worried about that
#look. I didn't like the nightcord non-breath oblige cover. I don't think I ever went into detail as to why but I really don't like it#I think. Non-Breath was a bad choice for them to cover music wise. I think God-Ish is better. because it's not as energetic#not a bad thing!! God-ish feels whispery which is so Nightcord's thing. Non-Breath was too high energy for them to pull off good#...so I'm gonna be double upset if they fuck up God-ish actually. I don't even care for God-Ish that much#Like I cared for Non-Breath so much. so it stung when they kinda missed the mark with it ^^:#I'm like. a little less worried about about WxS. Because they made like. The one Pino cover In the game I actually like#Ignoring the Saki and Tsukasa Cosmospice cover. I hate that cover so much sorry#But also like. All I Need Are Things I Like is one of THE PinocchioP songs of all time. to me. so like#I hold the same sort of attachments towards it as I do to Non-Breath. So if they do fumble the net with it I'm gonna cry#Also. I know. there's a possibility that TikTok. Will pick up on it#And I don't think I'm gonna mind too much. If they run with God-Ish more. because I think it's kinda hard to miss the thing with God-Ish#But if they make some fucking trend audio with All I Need Are Things I Like that completely misses the point of the song somehow.#I'm going to riot. I never got TikTok 'ruining songs'. Until both Non-Breath and Anonymous M became like. funny trend audios.#I made a better post on my main blog about this I'll reblog it here maybe#Guys I promise I like Proseka It's just my liking of PinocchioP comes before that#I like being a little hater also tho#pinocchio p#pinocchiop#vocaloid#pinocchio-p#project sekai#proseka#doushiteworld.txt
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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Opals and Moonstones
AKA Smol Once Again Uses Birthstones And Birth Flowers To Do Character Analysis. This time we have a twofer, as we'll be looking at Nishiki AND Kiryu! (with a bonus Yumi!) (this is gonna be another long one so please do check out under the cut)
Let's start with Nishikiyama.
His birth date is October 8th, 1968, leaving him with the birthstones opal and tourmaline (originally specifically pink tourmaline but now includes all types).
Now, apparently, tourmaline is the modern birthstone for October, and was made so in 1952 with the approval of the American Gem Society and the National Retail Jewellers Council. I will expand on this stone in another post, because it's the opals I really want to focus on (although it's worth noting that both stones are apparently good for emotional stabilisation, grounding, and healing. :) )
You see, the reason they threw in pink tourmaline as new birthstone is apparently because "In October’s case, the opal was seen by many to be too feminine in appearance and there were questions about its durability". Opals are a very delicate stone, with a water content of 5-10%, which leaves them very vulnerable to cracking under very dry conditions or sudden changes in temperatures. It can even cause them to shrink or expand, so they need a bit more care and maintenance (although you can apparently improve them by wetting them with a lil bit of water, which, idk, I find that fun because fish live in water, 'nishiki' is a koi, you get me?)
We all saw how Nishiki handled suddenly having most of his family and support network ripped from him plus the added pressure of running a new family full of people who very openly disrespect him and see him as some useless weakling they're all obligated to deal with. I'm not the only one who sees the opal parallels, right?
So, opals are a soft, feminine, easily damaged stone, but they also represent love, passion, luck, and healing, and associated with channelling strong emotions. In Roman times it was called the Cupid Stone, and was well-sought after, so overall has a lot of positive meanings and connotations...until a random-ass novel accidentally lead to them being considered bad luck. How dandy.
Now, Kiryu. And by extension, Yumi.
Kiryu's birth date is June 17th, 1968, and Yumi's is June 30th, 1971. (I find it very amusing that Kiryu forgot about Yumi's birthday when it's only a couple of weeks after his lmao)
This means that these lucky ducks actually get three birthstones: alexandrite, pearl, and moonstone.
Alexandrite apparently brings luck, intellect, and prosperity, somewhat similar to tourmaline (it can even be a similar colour to it). Pearls on the other hand symbolise wisdom, especially wisdom gained through experience, as well as calmness, integrity, and loyalty.
I think this is very fitting for our favourite dragon, isn't it? A man whose experiences help him grow from a naive kid into a man who stands by his principles and does whatever he can to help and protect his loved ones althoughitcanbearguedhowmuchhelearnsbutthatsapostforanotherday
But again, there's a particular stone I want to look at, which is of course the moonstone.
It's another stone associated with good luck and fortune, apparently considered sacred in India. It's also a stone of new beginnings and inner growth and strength. Again, fitting for Kiryu's return to Kamurocho after 10 years in the joi- behind bars. However, the reason it interests me is its connections and similarities with opals.
See, at first thought/glance, the two stones are very similar. They're (usually) a white colour but reflect an entire rainbow. And yet, they do so differently; moonstones has what's called 'adularescence', a faint glow akin to the moon shining on the ocean's surface, whereas opals are, naturally, 'opalescent', which is more glittering specks of colour.
Both stones are associated, of course, with the moon and the ocean (as are pearls). Both are considered good-luck charms, are meant to ground emotions, and are associated with femininity. Like, look at this:
Doesn't this sum them up? They're similar but different; Kiryu's calmer, grounding presence combined with Nishiki's more emotional, passionate nature. No wonder the two of them make such a great team!!!
And then I saw this:
:)))))))
It's just....if we keep up with the birthstone imagery/parallels, this means that the two people Nishiki loves the most are 'spiritually' incompatible. That, and the fact that opals are "softer and more easily damaged compared to moonstone" (see how Kiryu handles adversity vs Nishiki handling his struggles). Yknow despite this long-ass post I really don't know quite how to articulate what I'm trying to say, but I'm hoping you see what I mean?
The two men need each other and are stronger together however this strength is so amplified that when the two are separated Nishiki looks so much weaker in comparison, at least in others eyes. He cries, he gets overwhelmed, he lashes out and yells when he's angry, he makes his emotions known. He cares so much about image and how he presents himself to the world, but he has the bad luck of being next to a man with freakish levels of raw brute strength and a naturally stoic outward appearance that he just isn't as impressive in comparison, even though he's NOT unimpressive or incapable! I'm pretty sure that of the two, Nishiki actually knows what the fuck he's doing!
And that's the thing, people think Nishiki is nothing without Kiryu, himself included, but what is Kiryu without Nishiki? The man loves his brother, and I think he's the only one who seems to have an inkling of Nishiki's worth. The two banter and he's like "oh, like you know so much" about being a yakuza and how one should act, but I do think Kiryu trust Nishiki. He goes along with what he says for the most part because he 'knows' that Nishiki knows what he's talking about. He looks up to Nishiki. He sacrificed his freedom to protect him. After those 10 years he wanted to see his brother again.
Unfortunately, a lot changed in those 10 years. The opal cracked under the pressure. Its power and influence grew but its sense of self and stability shrank, leaving it both far too big and far, far too small for its setting. All it needed was a bit maintenance, a bit of care. But it didn't receive that. And instead, the moonstone ended up alone.
#smol plays yakuza#smol speaks#akira nishikiyama#kiryu kazuma#yumi sawamura#long post#i will make one with all of the info like on Yuko's post later#also when i say 'love' im not talking romantically so don't start with that#ALSO ALSO sorry i got oddly prose-y with that last bit unfortunately i am a pretentious bitch sometimes. maybe. am i? idfk man lmao#look i thought about this months ago and im finally writing it up. 5 likes and i'll make the zodiac charts like Yuko's#i wrote this up cause i finished Kiwami again and i am SORE i am UPSET this somehow hurts MORE
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not a sad ‘woe is me’ post so don’t send me weird messages but: the thing abt cycling through every ED possible and being bulimic for like 10 yrs & making yourself vomit up to 10x times per day on ur worst days is that your teeth and gums will eventually give out on you (bc it doesn’t make a difference if you’ve been good & it doesn’t matter how well you’ve taken care of your teeth for the last x years) and u will be 30 years old crying to your very sweet and kind dentist when she tells you about the 1 million things that are wrong with ur teeth
#anyway i feel strongly compelled to quit my job and dedicate my entire life to speaking out abt eating disorders#& doing research & writing & advocating for people who are suffering#women who are suffering#i think this is honestly my life’s calling!!!! i just don’t know where to start#you know movies glamorize having anorexia & it’s always like: she is the most beautiful girl in the world…but so sad…she doesn’t eat :(#i need to make movies that have scenes like that one chapter of i’m glad my mom died:#where jennette has been throwing up like 15 times a day and her tooth falls out#and she’s literally just like: yeah i’ll deal with that later#& instead of writing about a beautiful skinny white girl who is upset about eating carrots at inpatient#i would just force people to read/watch the things in this thread:#https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/s/H1C3JZyvFK#because that’s the reality#the one comment in that thread ‘i ate something poisonous because i hoped it would make me puke’#like yeah same. LOL. & i always thought i was the only one so fucked in the head#anyway society is very cruel to women and i need to do something about it. genuinely whereeee do i even begin#i guess i have been writing a lot abt my personal experience and all the disgusting things ppl like to avoid talking abt#and how my mother made me this way etc#i could def make a memoir out of it. maybe i’ll do that.#i would love to have more options than just. trauma porn.#ah anyway maybe i’ll open a nonprofit. IDK. i just need to make a lot of noise somehow
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really,
truly,
deeply,
wish i was not like this
#had an interesting therapy session.#felt like crying the entire time. the discussion?? for the whole hour?? being on time for sessions. im always late.#and somehow that made me worry about losing my ``last'' deep and meaningful connection (my therapist). and that's what we talked about.#i wish i could be normal about other humans beings but man it is so hard. and having a name for it makes me all the more upset#am i making progress? maybe. but im so much more aware of the knots i twist myself into and the tried and true response of#``well obviously you should kill yourself'' is getting triggered more and more. never acting on it. but reminding me!!! that i am broken.#FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#do i wish i had someone close to me? maybe. but also i wish that everyone would stay away forever.
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idc if this is controversial but if you say you genuinely want all people of a certain, uncontrollable category (sexuality, race, gender) dead or you hate them, that's just gross. yes this includes straight people cis people white people men. just because it isn't homophobic or systemically racist doesnt give you a free pass to be an asshole.
#i get getting upset at specific people or societal norms. saying ''i wish all men were dead'' or ''i hate all straight people'' or w/e#isnt a healthy way of thinking#yes people get upset and yes we say things we dont mean when we are upset. but if you genuinely think this way. post these things a lot#or look down on certain people bc of smth they were born with#well maybe thats more on you.#somehow it is controversial to say ''maybe we shouldnt make posts saying how we hate/want people dead#because of how they were born''#and before i get bad faith interpretation#this is not me saying to never talk about oppression. of course not.#this is not me saying the average - say man - will likely unknowingly hold misogynistic views that never need to be addressed#this is me saying that wishing harm and hate on these random people is counter productive and doesnt accomplish anything#you dont hate men. you hate the patriarchy. you dont hate straight people. you hate heteronormativity#etc etc#''ohh its just my personal post oh its just a joke oh i just said it when i was upset i dont REALLY mean it''#<- that line of thinking is what led me to becoming a borderline radfem when i was much younger#doesnt excuse anything.#;noxiatalksia
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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HUNGRY. I WANT FOOD. WHAT DO I WANT. I M TIRED. I NEED TO BE HELD.
#I HATE BEING ON PREDNISONE I HATE BEING AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND FOR SO LONG I HATE SLEEPING ALONE#I LOVE MUSIC BUT I DONT WANT TO FEEL STROBGLY RIGHT NOW BUT I DONT WANT THE SILENCE BUT I DONT WANT EMPTY NOISE BUT I CANT CRY#I AM BOTH EUPHORIC FROM HOW MUCH J LOVE MY BF AND EXTREMELY UPSET THAT IM SEPARATED FROM HIM WHILE MY PARENTS ARE TOGETHER BUT STRUGGLING#AND I KNOW HOW TO HELP THEM. THEY JUST NEED TO BE FORCED BACK ONTO THE SAME PAGE. I THINK I KNOW HOW TO HELP. BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO#I WANT TO HELP. BUT I AM SCARED I'LL MAKE IT IRREVOCABLY WORSE SOMEHOW.#AND I WANT MAC N CHEESE GODDAMNIT#WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND I NEED TO BE HELD.#ALSO I REALLY WABT TO EMBROIDER RIGHT NOW BUT IM SCARED THAT IF MY HANDS ARE SHAKY RIGHT NOW I MIGHT ACTUALLY IMPLODE#maybe ill watch one of my shows and try to embroider something simple bc this ween patch is kicking my ass#(im making it way more complicated than it needs to be bc of how simple the original design is)#((i should have made this a painted project. or made it smaller. but ill learn something from it!!))#idk im gonna go look for a snack and see if i feel better after i eat something#i probably won't bc this dumbass medicine makes it impossible for me to feel full#itll get my weight up which is always good for me but i just hate food. i dont mind that i gain visible weight i just hate eating
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