#and when i decided i wanted to do it in a different format. i spent like. a month going through and changing the format for all of them.

[rook2ii]

dude, why does accidentally messing up on RYM feel scarier that accidentally messing up on MusicBrainz :[

[miumura]

𖦹 ──── NI-KI AS YOUR ENEMY ! ⊹ ₊ ⟡ ⋆

( 엔하이픈 니키 ) ﹕ what it's like having ni-ki as your enemy

𝓹airing enemy!riki x gn!reader ⟡ 𝓰enre high school au ∿ academic rivals ∿ slight angst ∿ fluff-ish ⟡ 𝔀arnings ni-ki is a little mean ꕀ mentions of crying ꕀ ⟡ 𝔀ord count 1K+ ( 1011 )

𝓼oph’s 𝓷otes thank you so much for requesting — i’m truly sorry for the super long wait !! i really wanted to get back to my requests after putting them off for a while TT this is slightly different format from how i usually write hc requests, but i still do hope you enjoy it regardless !! ⟡

ENEMY NI-KI who started this unnecessary "beef" with you way back in elementary school for reasons you barely remembered—something about what little riki had told you. and even so, with his ongoing nasty behavior—as you would've liked to describe it—you decided to keep him firmly in the enemy category, feeding the rivalry as much as he did.

ENEMY NI-KI who simply refused to leave you alone, seemed to thrive on getting under your skin. nothing brought him more satisfaction than watching your lips curl down into a frown, knowing he had successfully pushed your buttons once again.

ENEMY NI-KI who couldn’t hide his annoyance every time you outdid him—which, to his frustration, you always seemed to manage. you never gave him a moment to savor his accomplishments, always securing that one spot above him. though both of you claimed it didn’t matter, it soon became a competition—each of you secretly determined to prove who could do better.

ENEMY NI-KI who never failed to shoot you a mean glare whenever you rolled your eyes and scoffed, only to find himself unconsciously mirroring your reaction.

ENEMY NI-KI who can't resist messing with your things—scribbling in your notebook or knocking your items off the table whenever your attention drifts elsewhere. every time he’s forced to sit next to you, he makes it his mission to push you away, hoping you’ll move seats. but, with nothing more than a few mumbled curses, you always brush it off, which only fuels his determination to see how much you could take before snapping.

ENEMY NI-KI who throws an exaggerated fit when the teacher pairs you together for a project, all because you happened to be sitting next to him—like he couldn’t have just moved to avoid it. as much as you hated the situation, you could at least tolerate it… unlike him, who just couldn't suck it up.

ENEMY NI-KI who was just annoying enough that you drew an invisible line between the shared space, instantly sparking a back-and-forth about rules and boundaries—just to get through the project without biting each other’s heads off. and as much as ni-ki would've liked to ignore it all, you strangely complied with the ridiculous rules he made up on the spot, forcing him to stick to them too.

ENEMY NI-KI who despite his reluctance, the hours spent in your company left him noticing the little habits you had—details that irritated him at first but somehow became things he couldn’t help but pay attention to.

ENEMY NI-KI who let a small smile slip when he saw how happy you were over the perfect score on your assignment together—something he quickly caught himself doing. His expression hardened almost immediately, a flicker of embarrassment crossing his face. Smiling because of you? It was just a moment of weakness, he told himself. Nothing more.

ENEMY NI-KI who finally managed to push you past your breaking point, leaving you so frustrated that all you could do was cry in anger. he stood there, completely caught off guard by your reaction, as if he hadn’t realized just how much his usual snide remarks had escalated—this time sharper, more aggressive, and far meaner than before. for once, he found himself speechless, unsure how to handle the mess he’d unintentionally created.

ENEMY NI-KI who couldn’t help but panic when you were absent for several days in a row, his mind immediately jumping to the worst conclusion—that it was his fault. the guilt gnawed at him, and before he knew it, he was awkwardly approaching your friends, asking where you were. his excuse? the teachers had asked him to check in since you were his seatmate, of course. but deep down, he knew that wasn’t the full truth. even so…it was normal for him to feel worried about you, right?

ENEMY NI-KI who felt an immense weight lift off his shoulders the moment he saw you walk into the classroom again. you quietly took your seat beside him without a word, and even though you were still avoiding eye contact, the relief washed over him. he eventually found out you had just been sick, but for some reason, he felt the urge to make up for all the snide comments and teasing. it was as if your absence had made him realize he wasn’t quite as indifferent as he pretended to be.

ENEMY NI-KI who suddenly toned down his usual insults, leaving you suspicious. while he still said a thing or two, it wasn’t with the same edge as before, making you question whether something had changed. truthfully, ni-ki didn’t want to hurt you like he had before. though he hated the thought of apologizing, this was his small, reluctant way of trying to make things right, even if it was just a quarter of an effort to make amends.

ENEMY NI-KI who becomes overly cautious around you, claiming it’s just to avoid your fuss from last time. but despite his supposed indifference, he starts noticing the little things you do. to his surprise, he catches himself mimicking those same things around his own friends, realizing that maybe you’ve gotten under his skin more than he thought.

ENEMY NI-KI who accidentally let slip a comment about noticing something new about your appearance, only to quickly backtrack and cover it up by saying it looked odd on you. even though he tried to hide it, his words betrayed his real thoughts, leaving you both a little flustered by the interaction.

ENEMY NI-KI who finally, genuinely but awkwardly, apologized to you during another forced group assignment. the timing was far from ideal, but the sincerity in his voice was undeniable. when you managed to accept his apology—whether you truly meant it or just wanted to focus on the task at hand—he felt an odd sense of relief.

ENEMY NI-KI who after seeing you smile, a rare sight for him, stirred something strange yet calming within him. for once, as you both worked together, there was a brief moment of peace between the two of you, and that weird feeling lingered inside him longer than he expected.

💬 : is this the start of me writing enemy!enha more often 🧐 spoiler alert — enemy!sunghoon has also been requested, so expect some time soon 🤭 if you want another member … or a specific dynamic … drop by in my inbox 👀

ENHA PERM TAGLIST (1) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @haruavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ml8dy @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @hyeosi @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @isoobie @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[in-another-april]

spencer being a menace and distracting his s/o while they're working because he's clingy and wants attention hehe

summary/prompt + genre - Spencer misses you while you're working :( | fluff

warnings - none

wc - 505

notes - aaaaa cute cute cute :( this got so longgg, im experimenting with different formats since i got kinda tired of just blurbs and hcs but if this flops i'll stick to what i know!!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

In Spencer's defense, he really does try to give you your space. He's spent the majority of the day on the couch, reading book after book to keep himself busy, while you've been holed up in the bedroom working.

He's a few pages into his 8th (or was it his 9th?? 10th? He's lost count at this point) book, when he reads something that makes him think of you. Smiling, he turns to your usual spot on the couch to share it with you, only then remembering that you're not there. Then it hits him.

He misses you.

He quickly decides to check in on you, just to see how it's going and make sure you're not overworking yourself. Yeah, that's it. No ulterior motive there at all, he swears.

He makes his way to the bedroom and knocks gently on the doorframe, shuffling in after hearing your "come in." Wordlessly, he climbs onto the bed next to you, leaving just enough space to not distract you while also satisfying his need to be close. He places a hand on your knee, entirely self-indulgent.

You ask him what's up, eyes never leaving your papers, and he pouts at the lack of attention. A part of him knows he should feel silly for being so clingy, but another, bigger part of him is too wrapped up in his love for you to care.

He only supplies a "missed you," casually shrugging his shoulders like it's the simplest thing in the world. You bite your lip, trying (and failing) to hold back a smile. Cute. He's so cute, and you're so tired, and god, a break does sound nice...

But, you really do have to finish this.

"Missed you, too, angel." You concede, placing your hand on top of his. "Just give me a few more minutes, then I'm all yours." You offer, and he nods quickly in return, eagerly awaiting the moment where he'll have you all to himself again. Your eyes shift back to your work, continuing where you left off,

His thumb brushes along your knee, hand trailing up just slightly, and you feel your resolve crumbling. Still you make a feeble attempt to stay responsible.

"Spencer." You warn, weakly glaring at him

"What?" He feigns innocence, voice soft. "I'm not doing anything." It's a lie, you know it, and he knows you know it. As much as you'd hate to let him win, one look into his soft, lovesick eyes makes you decide that if this is what defeat entails, you guess you wouldn't really mind losing.

You sigh dramatically, pushing your books aside and opening your arms for him. His doesn't miss a beat, moving to close the gap between you almost instantly.

He falls unceremoniously into your lap, wrapping his arms around your middle and burying his face in your neck. You give in, reaching to brush your fingers through his hair. You feel his victorious smirk against your skin and roll your eyes fondly.

Your work can wait, you���re sure.

masterlist | inbox ← requests open! ♡

taglist - @lover-of-books-and-tea @maskysluvr @aurorsworld @wisteriaspencer @radioactiveinvisible @mandarinmoons @spencereidapologist @lyd14k4y @luvkatryna @khxna @flow33didontsmoke (send an ask or message to be added/removed!)

[markrosewater]

You say that magic is ever evolving and therefore closer to its roots than it's ever been. I think the problem is, when people try to tell you adding spiderman is a bad thing, is these are the people who followed the very story Wizards took the time to create and to them it's something sacred. They're the people who either grew up with the Purifying Fire, or actually rooted for the Gate watch. The people who cheered when Nicol Bolas went down. I think those are the people who are sad to see Spiderman eating up that space. It's like your favorite series but the plot is totally different. It's the story people care about, whether told through the cards or the Wizards website. That Wizards made us care about only to then tell us it doesn't matter. Fans don't like it when that happens. I feel you must understand deep down.

I do understand why people dislike Universes Beyond. I am very invested in Magic’s creative. I spent time creating Magic story (The Weatherlight Saga). I’ve done card concepting. I’ve done names and flavor text. There was even a few years where I managed the creative team.

There was even a time when I shared those beliefs about what Magic’s creative should and shouldn’t be, and was firmly against outside properties on Magic cards. I understand you all because for a long time I was you.

But what Magic is and is not isn’t decided by any one person. It’s decided by the collective consciousness of all of us.

I don’t personally like Walls as a creature type. Commander isn’t my personal cup of tea. And as a player, I’m not a fan of discard. But those are all a part of Magic because the amalgam of Magic players wants it to be part of the game, and I respect that being part of the Magic community is letting each player have the ability to enjoy what they love about the game.

Note when we started Universes Beyond, we weren’t sure what the player response would be. We dipped our toe in slowly. We limited what formats it appeared in.

We then looked at the data. Most players just wanted access to the cards they wanted to play, and didn’t care what the creative that was on it, so over time we leaned more in that direction.

But look, if there’s a large enough playerbase that cares, we’ll respond. If you really want a Universes Beyond free format, make one. If it gets enough player support, we’ll follow suit.

Remember, we didn’t make Commander. The players did. When it got popular enough, we tried out a product, and the success of that product convinced us to make more.

We really do follow the will of the players. If what you feel is important to you, find fellow players who feel the same way. Get enough together and I promise we’ll take notice.

Right now the data that we see, says that isn’t the case, but I’m always happy when the amalgam of players shows us we’re wrong. If that happens, we’ll pivot. We always do.

[atomicladytimetravel]

Mirror Mirror

Summary: No Outbreak AU. After an upsetting encounter with a young girl at Sephora, Joel has to show his wife just how beautiful she is. Established relationship. No physical description of the character, just that she’s female and has hair long enough to gather into a ponytail. She = You. I just wanted to try a different format. Inspired by the many Sephora brat TikToks I’ve seen and my own depraved imagination. There may be a sequel later.

Warnings: Dom!Joel, Daddy kink (slight dd/lg vibes), throat fucking, choking, fingering, squirting, oral (m and f receiving), face sitting, spanking, mirror play, unprotected sex, creampie. So…just general depravity. 18+ ONLY. MDNI.

Word count: 3,692

This has been edited. I realized I missed a whole chunk of text 😩

“Joel, have you been using my good shampoo? I just bought this bottle and I’m almost out.”

Joel Miller’s wife appears behind where he’s sitting on the couch, shampoo bottle in hand. She walks around to stand in front of him, brandishing the mostly empty bottle.

“Oh…yeah,” he admits sheepishly. “I like the way it makes my hair look.”

“No wonder you’ve been extra irresistible lately,” she giggles, tousling his very soft hair. “I’m gonna make a run to Sephora to get more. I’ll just get a bigger bottle.”

She grabs her purse, gives Joel a swift kiss and makes her way out the door.

When she enters the store, she heads straight for the shampoo. She picks out the biggest bottle of Living Proof Perfect Hair Day they carry and starts to walk towards the checkout counter. She passes a Drunk Elephant display and notices that exactly one bottle of the coveted drops is available. She’s been wanting to try them and decides to grab one while it’s there. She reaches for the bottle, and her hand is about to close around it when another slightly smaller hand snatches it.

“Ha! Got it!”

She turns to see a girl who could’ve been no more than twelve holding the drops with a triumphant and smug grin.

“Wow, uh, okay. I was gonna buy that.”

“Looks like you’re not now,” the girl says. Before she struts away, she turns back and says: “By the way…no amount of makeup in this store is going to fix the ugly on your face.”

She’s taken aback by the girl’s unsolicited insult. She waits to see if the girl meets back up with a parent (or adult of any kind) but she doesn’t - she buys the Drunk Elephant drops and exits the store alone.

“Jesus, kids just do whatever the fuck they want now I guess,” she thinks to herself. She buys her shampoo and thinks about the interaction for the entire twenty minute drive back home.

Upon her arrival home, she kicks off her shoes in the foyer and makes a beeline for the bedroom.

“I’m just gonna put this away, I’ll be right back,” she tells Joel. She does put the shampoo away, but she can’t help but hold onto what the girl at Sephora said to her. Before meeting Joel, her confidence level was near zero. He spent a lot of time convincing her that she’s beautiful, but this little girl obviously saw something Joel doesn’t.

She stands in front of the beautiful antique mirror Joel had gotten her as an anniversary gift after she fawned over it at an antique store. She picks herself apart in the full length mirror, pinching skin between her fingers and looking for any sign of aging, no matter how subtle. The longer she looks, the more she hates what she sees. Her nose isn’t right, her skin isn’t clear enough, her pores are way too fucking big. Her bottom lip trembles and tears spill from her eyes. Defeated, she shuffles to the bed where she buries her face into a pillow to stifle her sobs. This is how Joel finds her. He rushes to her side, kneeling beside the bed and rubbing her back soothingly.

“Whoa, hey…what’s wrong love?”

She tearfully recounts what happened to her at Sephora and Joel’s face turns stoney. All the work he’s done to make her love herself, to see herself the way he does was all undone in an instant - and over a fucking bottle of overpriced skincare.

“It sounds like you’ve forgotten everything daddy taught you, huh little one? Maybe you need a reminder.”

She sits up on her elbow and looks at him incredulously through her tears.

“Does it really look like I want to fuck right now Joel? How can you even want to fuck me anyway? Look at me!”

“I always want you baby girl. Always,” he replies earnestly. Then, he lowers his voice and his tone becomes dominant. “And now, you’re gonna be a good girl and let daddy show you. Right?”

She can’t deny him when he speaks to her this way. His dominant affection for her never fails to get her going. She sits up fully and wipes her tears.

“Yes daddy,” she responds. He gets to his feet and takes her hand in his, leading her around to the foot of the bed. He stands her in front of the mirror and, standing behind her, slowly begins to undress her. He starts with her top, placing his hands at her sides and pushing the fabric up her body. She raises her arms so that he can pull the top off and he discards it somewhere to the side.

Next is her bra, and he makes light work of unclasping it. The straps fall off her shoulders and she lets the bra slide to the floor. He cups her breasts in his large hands, kneading them and pulling gently on her nipples. She moans softly, arousal overriding the self pity she’d been feeling. Joel’s eyes meet hers in their reflection and the look of pure adoration and love on his face makes her feel silly for her insecurities.

“Look how fuckin’ gorgeous my wife is,” he tells her, his lips right next to her ear. He kisses just below her earlobe and she tips her head to the side to allow him to nuzzle her neck. She shivers as he sucks her skin, leaving red splotches behind that will surely be purple later.

He hooks his forefingers into the waistband of her leggings (and, simultaneously, her panties) and drags them down around her feet. She steps out of them, kicking them away with the toe of one foot. He straightens up and admires her naked figure in the reflection.

“You see this body, hmm? I love this body.”

He brushes his fingertips up the curves of her hips and the sensation elicits another soft moan from her. He takes her jaw in his hand and turns her head for a kiss, his other hand dipping between her legs teasingly.

“Mm, wet already? And I’ve barely touched you,” he muses. He walks the two of them backwards until the backs of his knees hit the mattress. He sits and scoots back far enough to give her room to situate herself between his legs.

“I want you to watch yourself in the mirror while I play with your pretty pussy, okay?” he instructs. “I want you to see what I see.”

He rests his chin on her shoulder and she meets his eyes in the mirror.

“Look at yourself, not at me.”

Her eyes, which are still puffy from crying, shift back to her own reflection.

“Now, say ‘I’m a pretty girl.’”

She hesitates and he smacks one of her breasts. The action catches her off guard and she gasps, but an unmistakable pang of arousal follows the stinging and she whimpers quietly.

“Say it,” he commands harshly in her ear and this time, she obeys.

“I’m a pretty girl.”

“There’s a good girl,” he praises, now massaging the breast he’s just smacked. Soft, sensual kisses are pressed to her neck as his free hand squeezes the flesh of her inner thigh. “Spread your legs for me now.”

She opens her legs and he begins rubbing her clit slowly, teasingly. Her eyes flutter as pleasure takes over and he whispers a reminder to keep them open in her ear. She lets her eyes focus on her reflection and, to her immense surprise, she kind of likes what she sees. Her mouth is parted to let her breathy moans escape and her pupils are lust blown. Her eyes flit to where Joel is rubbing circles on her clit; his hands are beautiful and watching his long middle finger trace the sensitive bundle of nerves makes her eyes roll back.

“That is actually so hot,” she moans. He grins satisfactorily.

“I know it baby. Got me hard as a rock back here.”

He slides his finger into her slowly and she begs him for another. She attempts to watch as he fingers her in earnest, but her eyes eventually slip closed. It’s hard to keep her focus on the mirror when he’s making her feel so good.

“Keep those eyes open,” he warns. “Don’t wanna miss the best part.”

“S-sorry daddy. It just feels so good.”

“Mm, I can tell. You’re fuckin’ soaked.” He curls his fingers and hits that spot inside her that would’ve made her eyes fly open if they weren’t already glued to the mirror.

“Oh fuck,” she swears breathily. “Please keep going like that.”

He can see on her face that she’s almost at her peak. He brings his other hand to her throat and gives it a light squeeze. She likes how she looks with his hand around her neck and his fingers inside her. It makes her cunt throb that much more.

“Oh god…daddy I’m so close, please don’t stop.”

“Got no intentions on stoppin’,” he says in her ear before nibbling on her earlobe. She feels the pressure building and with just a few more curls of his fingers, the coil snaps.

“Fuck!” she shouts. “I’m cumming…oh my god!”

He removes his fingers and a spray of fluid comes out of her. She squirts so hard that it hits the mirror. Her eyes roll back in spite of the effort she’s putting in to keep them open and her mouth opens in a silent scream. Joel rubs her clit furiously and doesn’t stop until she clamps her thighs around his hand.

“Jesus Christ baby, I love it when you do that,” he tells her before pressing a lingering kiss to her lips. “Did you see how pretty you look when you cum for me?”

She had, briefly. And she had to admit, it was pretty hot.

“Yes daddy,” she answers. She’s a little sheepish as she admits: “I kinda liked it.”

He chuckles at this.

“As you should baby girl.”

He kisses her and she reaches her hand behind her to squeeze the bulge in his sweatpants. He groans and she squeezes him just a little harder.

“Fuck, get on your knees for me,” he says. The two of them shuffle off the bed and she drops to her knees in front of him. He rids himself of his t-shirt and she yanks his sweats down. He’d forgone underwear and his cock springs free when the sweatpants go past his waist. He gathers her hair into a makeshift ponytail in his hand while she teases the tip of his cock. She drags her tongue along the vein that runs on the underside of his shaft and he hisses.

“Don’t fuckin’ tease me woman.”

She smirks, looking up at him and batting her lashes.

“Sorry daddy,” she giggles.

“Don’t let your newfound confidence get ya a punishment, princess,” he warns. Heeding this warning, she wraps her lips around the tip of his cock and takes him in until her nose touches skin.

“Ohhhh yeeeah,” he sighs, gripping her hair just a little tighter. “Love that mouth baby.”

She bobs her head back and forth a few times, pushing him a bit deeper down her throat each time. She gags just a little when he starts fucking her throat, but she’s able to recover.

“God, fuck yeah, swallow my cock baby. You’re so good at this.”

He thrusts forward a few more times before tugging on her hair and making her look up at him.

“What are you?” he demands.

“I’m a pretty girl,” she gasps, voice horse from having his cock in her throat. He taps her lips with his tip and she opens obediently, allowing him to continue fucking her throat. Tears spill down her cheeks as she gags.

“That’s right; and whose pretty girl are you?”

He takes his cock out of her mouth long enough for her to answer, “Yours sir!” before shoving it back in.

“God damn right. Good girl,” he praises as he continues to fuck her face. The ache between her legs becomes too much to bear and she slides a hand between them to play with her clit. Joel doesn’t miss this and he moans at the sight.

“You like getting your throat fucked, huh baby girl?”

She manages to make a sound akin to “uh-huh” and he chuckles through his nose.

“My good fuckin’ slut.”

She gasps for air when he pulls his cock out of her mouth, drool connecting her lips to his tip. He runs his thumb across her puffy bottom lip and smiles at her affectionately.

“Fuck baby, that’s a stunnin’ sight: red swollen lips and tears runnin’ down that pretty face,” he compliments. He bends down and kisses her roughly before helping her to her feet.

“I want you to come sit on my face,” he tells her. This is his favorite position to eat her out in and he insists on giving her multiple orgasms before even considering giving her (or himself) a breather. Not that she’s complaining.

“Don’t you dare hover,” he reminds her as he lies flat on the mattress. She straddles his face and lowers herself onto his outstretched tongue. He wraps his arms around the tops of her thighs, holding her in place as he flicks his tongue over her clit.

“That feels so fucking good,” she moans. Joel’s eyes are glued to her face in anticipation of the moment she falls apart. That moment is going to come sooner rather than later; it only takes about a minute of him swirling his tongue around her clit to make her cum. He doesn’t stop there, cleaning up one orgasm and reveling in the taste while simultaneously leading her to another. He laps at her pussy while she unashamedly rides his face, chasing her next orgasm.

“Oh my g - fuck, please I’m cumming again!”

He moans into her pussy and reaches a hand down to wrap around his cock. He’s so hard he can’t stand it any longer. He strokes himself as she writhes above him, being anything but quiet. She falls forward and grips the headboard to steady herself. Joel sucks on her now swollen clit relentlessly and she orgasms again. He feels an immense satisfaction as she ruts against his face, babbling about how she can’t stop cumming. After three consecutive orgasms, she feels that familiar pressure building and she knows she’s about to soak him down.

“G-gonna squirt,” she manages to warn him. She lifts off his face in enough time to not completely waterboard him with the spray coming out of her. She shouts profanities, her thighs trembling, and she hears the telltale signs of him jacking off furiously.

“God damn princess, you are so fuckin’ sexy,” he compliments through gritted teeth. She collapses onto her back with her legs squeezed together, trying to catch her breath and recover from the intensity of the last several orgasms.

“Are you good?” he asks, panting a bit himself.

“Yeah, I just need a few seconds,” she replies breathlessly. He sits up and rubs her leg soothingly as she recovers. When she’s ready, she relaxes her legs and lets them fall open. He settles between them on his knees and rubs her pussy with the tip of his cock. Her hips jolt upward, clit still sensitive. He does this a few times until she’s rubbing herself on him in desperation.

“Please put it in daddy, I need to feel you inside me,” she whines. He’s as desperate as she is and he fulfills her request without hesitation.

“Fuck baby girl, you’re soakin’ wet. My cock went in so easy. S-so good, so tight, fuck,” he babbles. She loves how vocal he is and it gives her a confidence boost to hear him whimpering because of her pussy.

“You feel how fuckin’ hard I am inside this little cunt baby doll?”

“God yes, you’re stretching me out so good.”

“That’s what you do to me - make me so hard it hurts. Why do you think I’m always pawin’ at ya, huh?”

The way he’s snapping his hips into her renders her unable to answer. All she can provide are pathetic moans, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. She registers a smack across one of her breasts; the sting is delicious but the smack is still enough to get her attention.

“Answer,” he growls.

“Be-because…I - oh fuck - cause I’m a pretty girl,” she manages to answer.

“Atta girl. My beautiful…sexy…fuckin’…bombshell.”

He punctuates each word with a snap of his hips and she cries out each time. He fucks her harder and harder and she knows he’s determined to make her squirt again. She holds her legs back so he can go deeper and he leans in for a sloppy kiss.

“C’mon sugar, squirt all over me. Gimme that fuckin’ cum,” he says into her ear, his voice low and gravelly.

“Now, gonna cum now,” she pants in warning. He pulls out and she explodes, fluid coming out of her like a fountain and splashing against his chest. He rubs her clit with four fingers to prolong her orgasm while she writhes and shouts underneath him.

“Oh yeeeahh” he grits out when a few more spurts of fluid come forth. “Gimme all you got baby girl. Such a pretty little mess for me.”

When her hips still, he spreads her legs open once more and stuffs his cock back inside, going at it full force. He holds her under the crooks of her legs and grunts wildly as he chases his orgasm.

“You ready for my load baby? Daddy’s gonna fill this sweet little pussy so full.”

“Oh god yes, please fill me up daddy! Wanna be so full of you.”

“Oh fuck, here it comes. You’re makin’ me cum so hard,” he moans. He stills and shoots his load inside of her, groaning and rubbing her swollen clit with his thumb. She feels his cock pumping ropes of cum into her and his orgasm lasts for what seems like thirty seconds. When he pulls out, she doesn’t fail to notice he’s still hard. He flips her over on her stomach and pulls her hips back toward him.

“You see baby?” he says as he slides his cock back into her. “I’m still so fuckin’ hard. You make me crazy.”

He gathers her wrists behind her back in one hand and smacks her ass repeatedly with the other. All she can do is whine and whimper while he pounds into her relentlessly.

“Fuck yeah, take this cock. Daddy’s pretty slut,” he mumbles. He reaches forward and grabs a fistful of her hair, pulling slightly as he fucks into her forcefully.

“Who’s it for baby, huh? Who does this little pussy belong to?”

“Y-you daddy, belongs to you.”

“Damn right darlin’.”

Her hands grip the sheets beneath her hard enough to pull them off the corner of the mattress as he brings her to yet another orgasm. She’s lost count of the orgasms at this point.

“Look at how fuckin’ good we look baby,” he grunts, directing her attention to the mirror once more. She looks at their reflection and the sight is erotic. Joel’s body is flush, sweat droplets forming at his hairline. One hand is in her hair, the other gripping her hip. Her breasts bounce with each of his thrusts forward and both of their eyes are wild with lust.

“Oh fuck…so hot,” she moans.

“Yeah? Does my pretty wife like watching herself take daddy’s cock?”

“Yes sir!”

“And you take it so well, too. God, you’re so pretty with me inside.”

“D-daddy,” she whimpers. “I’m gonna cum again.”

“Nu-uh baby, wait for me this time.”

“Daddyyyy,” she whines.

“Don’t you cum until I say so,” he growls. As he chases his orgasm, his thrusts speed up and make it almost impossible for her to obey him.

“Look at me,” he commands. She lifts her eyes and meets his in the mirror and it’s all she can do not to cum right then.

“Please daddy, please! I need to cum, fuck, please!” she begs.

“I know baby, I know. Doin’ so good for me. Just a little longer, you can do it.”

He lets go of her hair and grips both hips so that he can pull her back to meet his thrusts. He can’t stop watching his gorgeous fucking wife take his cock in the mirror. She’s biting her bottom lip, her expression a mixture of pleasure and concentration as she attempts to stave off the orgasm she so desperately wants to have. His cock twitches inside her and she knows that he’s close.

“Cum for daddy now baby. Oh god, let me see you cum.”

She relaxes and lets the coil snap. Her vision goes white as her eyes roll back. She cries out and she hears Joel saying filthy things while he pumps her full of cum again.

“Yeah, that’s right, take this cum. My little cum slut. Fuck, I’m cumming so much.”

When both their orgasms subsided, he pulls out gingerly, his cock sensitive and spent. Her pussy is the same, red and puffy and still throbbing. They both fall onto the mattress, breathing heavily. She flips so that she’s facing him and gives him a soft smile.

“Thank you,” she says. He returns her smile and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“For the confidence boost or the dick?” he jokes. She giggles.

“Both.”

“You always have been, always will be, the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he tells her sincerely. He places his hand on her cheek and kisses her sweetly. “The only thing I can think of that would make you even more beautiful is if you’d let me put a baby in here.”

He pats her stomach and looks at her hopefully. Her face breaks out into a grin.

“You wanna have a baby with me, huh?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“It’s settled then,” she says, snuggling into him. “We’ll try for a baby.”

[cozymoko]

Welcome back I was wonder if you could do a platonic yandere mukami's/sakamaki x like 13 y/o human sib that's yuis sibling and they're just like this is mine now

STEALING YUI'S SIBLING — PLATONIC YANDERE SAKAMAKIS

Note: Thank you.

Pairing: Platonic! Sakamaki brothers (separate) x gn! reader

Format: Headcanons

WARNING(S): Yandere themes, unhealthy, not proofread

Want more Diabolik lovers? → Masterlist! ★

SHU SAKAMAKI

Shu could not remember when he had grown so fond of you. A mortal sibling of hers, nonetheless. Shu his ponder his tenderness toward you, as there was nothing truly riveting about you on the surface. In his mind, you were a child and nothing more. An annoying, human child who can't help but stick close to its twice as annoying sister. But somehow your childishness weaseled its way into his cold heart.

He found his actions quite humorous, much like right now. Long, slender fingers glided along the pianos' smooth keys in fluid motions as though it was second nature. You rocked back and forth to the music, silently cheering for the vampire. A cold hand was placed on your head after the last keys were brushed, and instinctively you look to the culprit. Shu snorted, gazing back into your round eyes. It's decided, he will watch over your forever.

“Another one? Haah, just how needy can you be? Sit back down, I didn't say I wouldn't do it. Now, listen closely and try to keep up.”

REIJI SAKAMAKI

As a companion of the sacrificial bride, Reiji believes it's only fair that he treats you with the same respect he gives your sister. Which may or not be good or bad, it's a mere matter of opinion. Reji makes sure you are well-fed and up to date on all your homework and other responsibilities as asked of him. He initially had no desire to do anything more. But when proposed such innocent curiosity about his "work" how could he deny you?

Reiji often tasks you with lengthy assignments to ensure you don’t grow too close to others in the manor. It’s truly a shame that you happen to be the sibling of Yui, he’d much rather take her place if the opportunity presented itself. To say he’s a little envious of how reliant you are on the mortal woman is an understatement. Seething with envy would be a better description. Just put all your trust in him and perhaps he'll become more lenient with you!

“Have you completed all your duties for today? Not yet...I see. Do not deter from your responsibilities like that frivolous sister of yours, you have far more potential than you think."

AYATO SAKAMAKI

Unlike the others, Ayato is very easy to please. A few shots to his ego will do just the trick. Even as a juvenile, the vampire was very weak to praise; but when it comes from a kid it makes him swell with pride because ultimately, kids don't lie. Don't be surprised if he looks to you for validation at times, not even you are safe from his evolving ego.

When was the last time you hung out with Yui? Geez, you could not recall. Most of your days were spent with Ayato, busying yourself with whatever caught your attention. However, everything had its ups and downs. Every time you didn't acknowledge him, he'd throw a fit, demanding to know who could possibly replace him. Or even pestering you about the time you spent with his brothers instead of him. But who were you to complain? Free Takoyaki for you.

“The hell’re you talkin’ about him for? You’re in the presence of ‘yours truly’ so start actin’ like it. Tch, I’m better than all of them anyways!”

KANATO SAKAMAKI

Loud, whiny humans do not interest him in the slightest; and that's exactly what kids are. But you were different. You were somewhat whiny, like any young teenager, but not to an overwhelming extent. With your age you had the potential to be the perfect doll, and Kanato wasn't going to let such a perfect opportunity slip through his fingers.

You glared daggers at the back of Kanato's head in hopes of evoking a reaction. Your body was tightly constrained by these horrid fabrics many called clothes. Kanato, of course, paid you no mind, ruffling through the array of clothing he had designed just for you. You scowled at his blatant ignorance, tempted to strip the intricate fabrics that hindered you, but you refrained from doing so. After all, Kanato wasn't being too insufferable at the moment.

“Don’t move or you’ll rip it! You wouldn't want all my hard work to go to waste, would you? Fufu, good, now stand still and wait for me to finish.”

LAITO SAKAMAKI

Since the beginning, Laito had always been kind to you, though it wasn't always genuine. He only had an interest in your sister thus a middle schooler had hardly captured his attention. But you were different, somehow. Before he knew it, Laito was listening to you ramble about your day. Even sharing some meaningless advice, that you could've honestly gone without, solely to get a reaction out of you.

The sun had just barely met the horizon, signaling morning was upon you. Your cheek was pressed flat against the vampire's lean back, dazed and hardly awake. His hands were gently hooked under your legs as he busied himself with a heedless tune. Your snores brought him comfort, though they were loud. He should honestly thank you for your existence because for once, Laito finally felt like an older brother.

“My, what a heavy sleeper. Dragging me all the way out here just to be carried home. How cute~! I hope you don't rely on the others like this.”

SUBARU SAKAMAKI

It's likely that you somehow took interest in this ill-tempered vampire so you decided to tag along with him. Subaru was charged as your guardian and he was anything but pleased. Nonetheless, he did his job, from picking you up from school to treating you to your favorite cafes. Even growing rather protective along the way. At this point, he's more of your brother than Yui is your sister! One could even say he's arguably calmer than before you arrived.

You stood outside the school doors, waiting patiently for someone, anyone's arrival. The weather was especially chilly that day, nipping at the tips of your fingers. As if someone read your mind, a familiar man with ashen-colored hair was coming your way. His arms snaked protectively around your shoulders as he lightly tugged you to his chest. His heart was pounding at an alarming rate as he quietly sighed in relief. And despite the coolness of his touch, you were warm. Happy and oh so very warm.

“Oi, where's the kid? Ha, what do you mean 'at school' who dropped 'em off? That's my job damnit—! Tch, forget it; dont even think about pickin' 'em up either, I'll do it. ”

[stranger-opinions]

maybe it's not a writers-block; maybe you just need a break

creativity is a muscle, right?

you need to exercise it to keep it in good shape, to have it ready when you need it and don't we all love those hyperfocused sprints of writing where the words just spill out of our fingertips...

but muscles get sore when you overuse them, will strain when you force them past their limits, they need nourishment to stay healthy and in shape

fandom today has a competitive atmosphere. many wouldn't admit that; it's supposed to be fun after all. just vibing with our mutuals, playing with the blorbos having a fun time online to scratch a few itches.

but the truth is that it can become a lot of pressure rather fast.

putting out several k of (edited) writing a month, setting up painstakingly formatted posts with the right tags and a fun header we spent hours on to look effortlessly cool and eye-catching just to hit post and then feel... nervous. excited too, sure...

but damn, when will the next chapter be finished? or the next one shot? will there be enough time to put a few blubs in between so that the few people who actually seem to care won't forget about us and move on?

writing for writing's sake is a nice notion. the myth of the self-sustaining artist who needs nothing more than a passion and their tools of choice.

but shit isn't just created out of nothing.

what has that all to do with the title of this post do you ask?

very few people can just keep going and going making art like that without needing any breaks and a good portion of those people very likely have very different conditions than most of us have with full-time jobs, families, school and so on.

For many of us writing is a main outlet, an important hobby and a safe space but that still doesn't change that it is a creative hobby, an outlet that demands energy: emotional, mental and physical (typing for hours is hard work if you want to believe it or not) and that sometimes makes it impossible to accept that we just need a fucking break.

"writers-block", in my own experience, is my brain telling me that something is off and that it's on strike until I fucking fix that.

and sometimes it's just that I need a break.

that I need to recharge my creative batteries, take in things that inspire me, that make me happy and get me excited without having to make anything myself. to just be. take some walks amongst trees, watch a new series, read a new book, go into a deep dive of some random topic on wikipedia until I don't know where the fuck I started from.

sometimes I just need to log out, cut the overstimulation of a never ending dashboard, turn off what everybody else on tumblr is doing, how much everbody is putting out, get away from my frustration about "my flopped fic" or the latest fandom drama and reconnect with the real reason I am doing this.

the love for stories and the source material.

for some people those breaks can be as short as two days, for other is might be weeks or months and that is not only okay but totally normal.

sometimes you might realize that the reason you are not writing is that you actually don't want to. sometimes you just want to daydream without the extra work sometimes you're just not in a writing mood and it's not much deeper than that.

that doesn't have to mean you're done with your blorbos. it just means that there are more valid and fun ways to play with them.

don't worry, the fandom will still be there when you decide to pick up the keyboard again. maybe with less people, maybe with many different people but you will always find someone who cares. those who have moved on to different things not come back wouldn't likely have stayed if you had powered through.

fandom shouldn't be a you're in or you're out thing but a place you come to when you want to.

contentification of fandom has had a lot of negative effects on the way we create and so many people fade from their hobby because they simply burn themselves out to a point where it leaves a scar.

so. find something that makes you happy that does not require you to invest too much creational energy. rest those muscles as long as it takes.

nothing you can get on tumblr or ao3 is worth the sore brain, the frustration with yourself and the stress you add onto your mental health ontop of everything else in your life.

recharge, reevaluate, reconnect

have fun

[kisakis-boyfriend]

You find the Haitani brothers wearing a skirt

Pairings: Rindou x reader, Ran x reader (separately)

Warnings: Male!reader, dom/top!reader, thigh riding + being called sir/daddy + overstimulation (for Rindou), anal + teasing + denial + overstimulation + oral (for Ran)

Genre/Format: Smut; Oneshots

Author's Note: Both of the bros are 20+. Anyways here's a little something for my current obsessions. Can you tell where I left this as a wip for a month? 😅

Please check my blog title to verify whether requests are closed or not! Thank you!

You and your boyfriend were having a little couple's sleepover. The two of you had spent all day watching movies, eating snacks, and cuddling together. It was getting late and you decided to hop in the shower before dinner. You certainly did not expect what you'd find when you returned and found your boyfriend on your bed...

No one would have ever guessed that he was shy when it came to anything sexual. His demeanor around everyone else gave off completely different vibes, but you knew otherwise. That's why it was quite a surprise seeing Rindou wearing a pretty black and light blue plaid skirt, humping one of your pillows, wearing one of your hoodies, and panting like a bitch in heat

Clearly he'd been doing this the whole time you were showering. He was visibly trembling. Hips rutting into the pillow and staining it with precum. He was so into it that he didn't even notice you until you spoke

“If you needed me that badly you could've said something before I took a shower” you smiled, stepping further into the room

“Y-y/n?!” he gasped. “I'm s-sorry...aah...pl-lease help me out?” he managed between moans. A look of shame and humiliation from being caught evident in his eyes

“Of course, baby. But only because you asked so nicely” you said, taking a seat in the chair in the corner of your room. “C'mere”

Rindou hesitantly stood up and walked across the room. He stood in front of you fidgeting with his sleeves, unsure of exactly what you had planned.

“Sit.” you said while patting your thigh. Rindou hesitated a moment before straddling your thigh and grabbing your shoulders for stability. The tiny bit of friction caused his breath to hitch. “Now just keep doing what you were doing when I walked in.” you instructed, placing your hands on his hips

“Ah–” The blush on his cheeks only deepened from your command. “Yes, s-sir.” He slowly began humping your thigh, letting out quiet moans and breaths. “Mm...feels really good...” he whispered

You grabbed his chin with one hand and pulled him in for a kiss... which quickly turned into a sloppy makeout session. Rindou moaned as you explored his mouth, tangling his hands in your hair. After several minutes, you finally broke apart leaving a string of saliva still connecting you to each other. Then you began trailing your kisses down to his neck. His pace quickened with every kiss and mark you left on his sensitive skin. “Such a good boy for me” you cooed, sucking another hickey onto Rindou's neck. Further claiming him as yours.

“Ah...mmm...y/n...” Rindou panted. Heat pooling in his gut as he grew closer to his climax

“Go ahead, baby” you said with your face still pressed against his neck. “Let it all out for me”

With your sweet words still ringing in his ears, Rindou's thrusts became uneven and desperate until he finally released all over his skirt and your thigh. “Hah...ffuck that felt...hah aah...so good”

Barely a minute passed before you were gripping his hips and making him hump you again. “Nngh?! B-baby, wait I- aah~ ” Rindou pleaded with you, but you silenced him by grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling his head back

“You wanted me to help you, didn't you, darling?” You taunted, keeping up the relentless pace. “I'm just making sure that you're completely satisfied. After all...” You leaned in close to his ear and whispered “I'd hate to change another pillowcase later because you got desperately horny again”

Rindou whimpered, giving in to the overstimulation. It hurt a bit but, god did the pleasure make up for that. Everything felt so hot. Sweat made the hoodie cling to his back but he couldn't care about something like that right now. The feeling of his wet cock sliding against your thigh, the sticky coated fabric of his skirt rubbing against the head, and you making him move against you despite his body's need to rest.... It was all too much

Rindou's hips moved on their own as he chased his second release. His hands clung to whatever part of you that they could reach as his moans grew louder

“Ah! Daddy~ Aaah~” His eyes rolled into the back of his head as he twitched and spasmed in your lap, cumming all over your thigh again

You let him collapse onto your chest as you helped him down from his high. Cooing words of praise into his ear and rubbing circles on his back

“Now it's your turn for a bath” you teased. Rindou let out a small laugh, still a bit light-headed

“Whew, that felt nice after a lazy day of being covered in snack crumbs” you said, still drying your hair with a towel. “Mr. Throws his popcorn at his boyfr-”

“Mmm~ Done already, babe?” Ran said so casually, as if he wasn't fingering himself. On your bed. In a black skirt. When did he even buy that?

It took a minute for you to process what you'd even walked in on. It only took a second to realize that your dick was already hard and that the blood had already rushed to your cheeks

“Uh, yeah” cough “Got bored waiting, huh?” You tried playing it cool

“Mhmm. Since you, mmph~, clearly enjoy the view...” He paused to spread his legs further, hoping that it would entice you. “Why don't you come over here? Get some hands-on action”

All restraint flew out of the window as you quickly made your way over to your boyfriend. You wasted no time crashing your lips onto his while your hands squeezed his thighs. Ran let out breathy moans every time your lips parted, his hands instinctually tangling in your hair. You easily slipped two fingers into him, thanks to his previous actions

“Mm yeah~” He moaned, arching his back. You began scissoring your fingers, making sure he'd be nice and stretched out for you

You curled your fingers and hit juuust the right spot and Ran let out the sluttiest moan, biting his bottom lip and looking up at you as you smirked

“More... Please, baby...” He begged. “I need it~”

Before he could say another word you were already reaching for the lube you keep in the nightstand. Deliberately teasing him by slowly pulling out your cock and letting it rest on his stomach before you lubed yourself up. The sight of his skirt flipped up made you even harder

“Fuuuck...” Ran whined. The feeling of your already hard dick on his skin made the blood rush to the surface of his skin. Causing his cheeks, the tips of his ears, and his shoulders to redden. He watched you take your time, wishing you'd just put it in already. He feels empty just thinking about it...

“Ready?” You positioned your dick right at his entrance

“Mhm” Ran nodded

You slid into him slowly. Torturously slow. Too slow

“C'mon, baby, don't tease me like this” He pouted

“You think this is teasing?” Oh, you just had a wonderful idea! “I'll show you what real teasing feels like.” You finally bottomed out inside of him. Giving him a second to adjust to your full size before slowly pulling almost all the way back out, only to slooowly slide back in. You kept your pace nice and steady, holding Ran's hips still to prevent him from getting what he wanted

“Shit... ah... You're so mean” Ran breathed out, hands gripping the sheets by his head. He wanted more, needed more so fucking badly

You graciously increased your pace, though it still wasn't enough for him. He rolled his hips with the rhythm of your thrusts, hoping to gain some friction. Anything to alleviate the tightening in his core. Fuck, he was close already. Just keep moving and...

“Wait, w-why did you stop?” Ran cried. His hips chasing yours, silently begging for you to continue

You only smiled deviously in response. Cupping Ran's face as he nuzzled into your palm. You wanted to break him, just a little bit. Just enough to hear him beg for you like his life depended on it. Enough to see him so desperate for your cock that he'd do anything

Without saying another word you shoved your dick all the way back in, relishing in Ran's pretty cries as you began pounding him. Him throwing his head back onto the pillows, growing close once more. Don't stop this time. Please just- Right there, keep going...

You pulled out completely. “N-no...fuck... Why did-” He cried breathlessly. Frustrated with your continued denial

You grabbed his dick, the head leaking precum all over his stomach and soaking his skirt, and started gliding your hand up and down the shaft. Ran's back arched again, pitiful cries leaving his mouth as he grabbed your arm. The sudden, intense friction making his head feel fuzzy.

You made eye contact just as your thumb ran across his slit and Ran whimpered. It was way too hot in here... He begged you to keep moving your hand. “Hah... Don't stop. Don't stop, baby... G-gonna-”

With one last schlick sound you removed your hand from his dick. His body twitched, once again denied the pleasure of release. Tears pooled in the corners of Ran's eyes. Fuck, he was really cute right now.

You leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “Ask nicely for me?” You prompted

“Please... I need you” He said, practically giving you puppy eyes. Good boy

You lined yourself back up and pushed in once more. Quickening your pace and jerking him off at the same time. Ran wrapped his arms around your neck, pulling you close as he looked at you, silently asking for permission

“Cum”

That was all he needed to hear. His grip on your hair tightening as he came all over his own chest. The pleasure from being edged damn near knocked the wind out of him. Stars clouded his vision, hips still involuntarily humping into your hand and grinding against your cock

You allowed him a minute to catch his breath. Thanking whatever gods may be out there that this gorgeous boy was all yours

You pulled out, the empty feeling making him whine. He was so adorable

Then you leaned down and took as much of him into your mouth as you could fit. Pinning his hips in place so that he couldn't move away

“Hnngh?! Y/n?!” Ran squealed. “Wait, I just- Ah!”

Ran screamed while you bobbed your head up and down. Sucking him off with fervor. He wrapped his thighs around your head instinctually, squeezing hard. He tried fucking up into your mouth and you let go of his hips, allowing him to practically facefuck you

Composure be damned. You wanted to make him cum again no matter what it took and Ran wanted to cum again, despite the pain from being overstimulated

You hummed and the vibrations on his dick finally pushed him over the edge. Ran wailed as he came down your throat, your warm, wet mouth milking every last bit out. You released his dick with a wet pop sound, licking your lips clean of his cum

He went limp, collapsing from exhaustion. Panting and barely able to keep his eyes open anymore. There was one small problem, however. You hadn't come yet and your dick has been rock hard this entire time

You gently pulled Ran up and into your lap, letting him lean against your chest and bury his face in the crook of your neck. You lifted him a bit and bottomed out once more, groaning at how wet his hole felt around you

“Oh god... aah” Was all he could manage to get out. Too tired to move, all Ran could do was hold onto your arms and softly moan as you pounded into him again, chasing your own release

You kept your arms wrapped around him, supporting his back so that he wouldn't fall backwards. Fucking into his hole desperately. You felt the heat pool in your core, speeding up your thrusts until you finally spilled inside of him

Ran's tired moans mixed with yours and you kissed his shoulder as you humped into him. Fucking your cum deeper into him

You gently lay him down onto your bed, pulling out and watching some of your cum drip out and onto the sheets. Ran passed out immediately

You grabbed a warm, wet towel from the bathroom and cleaned the both of you up. Kissing his forehead before joining him for a nap

[gomapda]

sidewalks we crossed [side B: him.] (pt. 2)

this is broken into parts because tumblr has a limit of 1000 blocks.

side A found here! | side B (part 1) found here!

author's note:

part two of side b!

the final installment.

it's been a long journey to get here, and any messages or words i read in the tags of the reblogs were a source of comfort for me during these times. i'm glad that my words resonated with even just one of you.

and of course, thank you for being here.

✧⋆°｡☾☼꙳ ੭ * ‧ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ‧ ⨯ ς(>‿<.). ⁺ ✦ * . ˚ ⨯ ੭ * ‧☼☽⋆｡°✧

pairing: lee jihoon/woozi (seventeen) x f!reader

genre: romance, fluff

summary: an accidental like, an off-chance comment, a purposeful message. you were in an unrequited love with your childhood best friend and decided to run away from him and your feelings and years later you find yourself in the same city with the same feelings when he stalks your instagram.

rating: 13+

length: 30k (bro WHAT LOL)

tags: idol!jihoon, childhood friend!reader, unrequited love (but not really), reconnection through instagram, this is just different scenes pieced together (including a ton of flashbacks), reader’s nicknames are all bug-themed, reader has depression and it manifests as suicidal ideation sometimes, this is basically real life (aka seventeen exists and debuted 150526), but the years are a little bit off for the trainee period, jihoon left busan later and trained for shorter for the sake of my story hehe, cursing, pining, mamamoo + ateez are the besties of reader, member x member pairings, jihoon and reader are both dumbasses, reader is extremely book smart but has one brain cell when it comes to romantic feelings, jihoon writes music like he’s been divorced 12x, word genius lee jihoon, idk how doctoral degrees work, i only got my masters and it was a non-thesis track lol, also idk how trainee auditions work either, miss communication is a lady we all know too well, super cute soft shit too tho tbh, no beta we die like men, i spent 5 hours trying to format this for tumblr and i’m still unsure

inspired by “drivers license” by olivia rodrigo and “what kind of future?” by woozi

inspo spotify playlist found here!

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“Noona, I need help.”

Immediately, the older girl closed the book she was reading, a young adult romance novel and turned her attention to him. “You never ask for my help. What’s going on?”

“I… I like Y/N.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Yes.”

Jihoon balked. “What? Does everyone know this already?”

“Y/N doesn’t.”

He groaned loudly.

“Are you finally wanting to tell her?”

“I mean, yeah. I—I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I got just the thing for you, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon spent his time trying to come up with some elaborate and dramatic confession (per the advice of his noona). They sat in cafes, picking out different foods that the two of them knew you’d enjoy, scoping out different restaurants, going to the library and her handing him too many romance novels.

After a few weeks, “Noona, you sure this is going to work?”

“Nope.”

“What?! Then why am I doing this?”

“I was just curious to see how much you were willing to do for her. She deserves nothing less than the best, you know,” the girl grinned, now revealing her mischievous side, one that he has never seen before. “Jihoon, you really think that she’s going to want anything that’s a grand gesture?”

“Well. No, but I thought you would know her—”

“Jihoonie, there’s no one that knows her better than you, I think. You probably know her and see her for how she really is. More than she can see herself. All you have to do is just tell her the truth. That’s it.”

“…this was a waste of time.”

She hummed. “Hm, nothing came up for you?”

“What do you mean?”

He could see that she was fidgeting with her fingers. She let out a nervous laugh as she said, “I actually wanted to see whether you still liked me. Whether spending time with me was going to change your mind. Not that I wanted it to! But I didn’t want you to be wishy-washy. She needs stability. She’s already chaotic on her own.”

“You knew I liked you?”

“Just a tiny bit.”

He let out a dry laugh. “Would you have given me a chance?”

“Would you have tried?”

The two of them sat there for a moment, mulling over the weight of the words said between them. But they both knew that there was someone else in their lives who mattered more, who they truly yearned for. If Jihoon and his noona ever pursued something, it would’ve just been them trying to find comfort in each other because they couldn’t have who they wished for. They would’ve tried to shape each other to fit the missing puzzle piece, losing the essence of themselves.

Jihoon and his noona were only mere reflections of who they actually wanted, the illusion created because of how much time was spent together. And that image would’ve faded fast.

“No, I don’t think I would have.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Good luck with him.”

“Yeah… good luck with her. It’ll work out.”

──────────────────

Plenty of people could say that his noona was childish, that she should have picked another route to go down. That it all could’ve been left unsaid. But Jihoon was grateful for her choice to do what she did. Because you didn’t deserve that “what if?”. Neither did he. You both needed to be sure.

And he felt it, walking into the restaurant.

He immediately recognized you, even with your head down. He was so used to seeing you from afar that this was a sight that was unfortunately so familiar to him. He walked forward in hopes of closing the distance between the two of you.

“Jihoon! Hey!” Your cousin said, frantically.

Jihoon held back his laughter, the sight of his hyung flustered a rare occurrence. “Hey, hyung.”

“Oh my goodness, it’s our Jihoonie! Hi!”

He could see that her eyes were screaming: save us. Jihoon wondered if he’d be able to. “Hi, noona.”

Ah, there you went.

Your eyes finally met his.

God, so beautiful.

“Hey, firefly.”

“Holy fuck.”

Jihoon was startled. Since when did you curse? And the fuck word too? But it must be a new development considering the other two were making a huge commotion over it. But even in the midst of chastising, you didn’t break eye contact.

“It’s been a while.”

You blinked. “Um. Yes.”

He couldn’t help but smile. This was happening.

His brilliant and warm and fiery sun.

The reason behind why his own light exists.

His guide, his inspiration, his hope.

His firefly.

Close enough to reach out and catch.

But not quite yet.

“So, are you all done eating?”

“No, not even close! Only ordered one pajeon, but feel free to order anything that you want! Oppa will be covering,” his noona responded as she motioned for him to take the seat next to you. He did and immediately felt you tense up beside him. Jihoon mentally cursed at himself. He should’ve asked.

He decided to lean back in his chair to try to mimic the body language he hoped from you: relaxed. “Hyung’s the best.”

“One day, I’ll make you spend that idol money of yours.”

“Alright, it’s a deal.”

You must have recovered from your shock, since you piped up with a, “Wait. Shouldn’t you be careful about eating out? What if someone sees you here? Couldn’t something happen?”

Aw, you were worried for him. “This is a restaurant that’s frequented by SEVENTEEN. This specific table is so far removed in the corner that it’d be hard to get a good look at my face, especially since my back’s to them.”

You looked around and scanned the area, probably noticing the boisterous environment of hweshiks overpowering the casual dining you were partaking in. “Hm. Okay…”

“You worried about me?”

“No, I’m worried I’m going to end up in Dispatch with message requests from sasaeng fans.”

Jihoon felt the color drain from his face. “If you’re uncomfortable with me being here—”

You immediately shook your head. “That was a joke, I guess it was too serious of a reality for it to seem like one. Jihoon, thanks, really. But I’m scary good at ignoring people. Uh… I’m… I’m glad that you’re here. Seriously.” You paused for a moment, probably noticing the tension that he was too aware of. “Because we’re with two weakass eaters so it’s up to us to finish the job. Will you join me on our noble mission?”

He snorted out a ‘yes’ and the table laughed. Your cousin brought up a time where you were crying because you hated wasting food but the dish was too spicy but you were too stubborn to stop eating. You quickly reminded him that he was the one who tapped out first and left a 9-year-old to solve the issue (“Wouldn’t have been a problem for me if you didn’t create one, oppa!”). The four of you spent more time catching up than thinking about what to order until you were all brought back into the reality that you were at a restaurant and ordered nothing but a pajeon and drinks.

The older two let you and Jihoon decide, as you were both pickier eaters than they were. Once the food arrived, you fell into a rhythm of years’ practice. You pushed your portion of fish and beef onto his plate and he pushed his portion of bean sprouts and japchae onto yours. You both split the pork belly serving evenly between the two of you.

His arm would (accidentally) brush against yours but none of the tension remained from earlier. You didn’t retract, you didn’t run away. In fact, you poked his arm for his attention midway in the conversation and he never thought such a small thing could evoke such happiness.

──────────────────

Physical touch was never something that Jihoon craved. In fact, in most cases, he felt negatively towards it. So, the experience of being touch-starved was not something he knew anything about.

That is, until you were gone for two weeks at an academic competition.

Why the hell was an academic competition half a month? And during summer break? What did they expect middle schoolers to do? Solve world hunger with pi? (The number, not the food.)

You were spending your school vacation for the sake of more school.

What a stupid concept.

And you were on the same team as Baek Yunho, the star player of the baseball team and chemistry league. Jihoon saw the way that Yunho would try to come up to you after a game, but you only ever made a beeline towards Jihoon.

He didn’t realize just how much the two of you gravitated towards each other. Between class periods, he’d pinch your nose or flick your forehead or you would attempt to bring him to his knees by pushing your own into the back of his and fail miserably and he would roundhouse kick you in response. If the two of you had the time, you would go over to his house and dig your toes into his ribcage when he totally owned you during a game of Super Smash Bros. And during the summer, usually, you would be sprawled over him, back to back, as he would watch anime or play games on his phone and you would read your summer reading list.

But normal people wouldn’t consider that physical touch.

And yet here he was, genuinely touch-starved, because you were in Daegu with a whole seven days left.

He grumbled under his breath. Another day has gone by without seeing Baek Yunho during practice which meant another day that you were gone. Something that occupied his mind, as he opened the door to his bedroom, swinging his baseball bag onto his bed.

And he heard a loud, “ow!”

He saw you rubbing your knee on his bed, with a pout on your face. “What the hell are you doing here?”

That’s one way to say he missed you.

“I came back from my competition today to apparently get assaulted by my best friend.”

“I thought it was two weeks long.”

“The whole thing is, but I opted out of the award ceremony. Plus, I only competed in the writing and foreign language portion because that’s all they needed me for, which all happened in the first week.”

Jihoon’s mind didn’t catch up with his body as he reached for you. You yelped and threw a pillow at him, “Ew. No, you just got back from practice and you’re sweaty!”

“Firefly, you’re missing out on a rare opportunity.”

You paused for a moment, possibly recalling all the times he’s rejected a hug from you and realizing this indeed was very rare. “Can you at least wipe off your sweat?”

“Nope, not at all,” Jihoon snickered.

It was now a competition to see who would be the faster one, you rushing for the door or his arms. And of course, the athlete that he is, Jihoon won.

“You smell like the sun! Stop!”

He decidedly rubbed his neck into the shoulder of your shirt and you did your best to wiggle away, but failed. Your look of disdain was met with Jihoon’s satisfied one. “Lee Jihoon, you’re the worst.”

“I’m glad my punching bag is back.”

You pushed his hair back only to immediately retract. “Ugh! How does so much sweat just come out of you?”

“Does it matter when I have a towel right here?”

You pinched his ear as he pushed his sweaty forehead against the other shoulder of your shirt. You burst into a fit of giggles when he found your ticklish spot in the middle of your thigh, but soon enough, your ankle found purchase around his and pushed him onto the ground as you clambered away and into his closet, probably to find a shirt to change into.

He was left there on his bedroom floor, listening to your ramblings about his sweat, almost deliriously happy.

He was satisfied, no longer a starving man.

──────────────────

After the food was finished (thanks to the two of you), the four of you walked out of the restaurant, the couple saying they were so full they wanted to walk it off on the way to their hotel. They offered for the two of you to join them but you declined, saying the hotel was in the opposite direction of your home.

Your cousin felt uneasy leaving you to walk home on your own. But you pointed at Jihoon with your thumb and said, “Jihoonie can walk me home, if you’re so worried. But even if he can’t, I’ve lived here long enough. This isn’t anything new.”

As if your cousin completely ignored the latter half of what you said, he glanced at Jihoon who gave a quick nod. “I’ll walk her home. Don’t worry. Then I’ll take a taxi back myself.”

After much long-winded convincing, the two headed off to the hotel while you and him were left walking down the street, his own face masked up and covered with a baseball hat in case of anything.

“You know, you don’t have to walk me home.”

“I’d like to, if that’s alright with you.”

He noticed you adjusting the hem of your shirt. “Okay. It’s a little bit of a walk from here. Maybe 30 to 40 minutes or so.”

“That’s 30 to 40 minutes I’d like to spend with you.”

“…yeah. I’d like that too.”

This felt almost surreal. You by his side.

But also so natural, almost inevitable.

As if this was all just waiting to happen.

After a moment’s pause, you asked him what he was doing for the coming months, if there were any plans.

“There’s a concert that Bumzu’s holding in Busan, and he’s asking some SEVENTEEN members to perform, so I’ll be doing a solo piece for that one.”

“Oh, SIMPLE?”

You immediately made a face as if you got caught admitting something embarrassing and Jihoon grinned. “Ah, you know my solo song?”

“Hm. Maybe…” You trailed off, looking everywhere but at him.

Cute.

“It might’ve possibly made it as my top song of the year in 2016.”

Agh, even cuter. “I’ll tell Yoon Jeonghan that he’s not actually your bias and you’re actually a Woozidan.”

“You can call me a Woozidan, you’d just be exceedingly and astronomically incorrect, like always. Unlike me, who is right, quite literally 100% of the time.”

Jihoon laughed. “Hey, I’ll have you know I’m one of the brains in SEVENTEEN, alright?”

“That’s because you were forged in the fire that was your friendship with me. Of having to deal with my illogical thinking.”

“Ain’t that the damn truth.”

The mood between the two of you was solid and Jihoon felt his resolve flare up within him, gathering the courage to ask, “If I invited you to Bumzu’s concert, would you go?”

“Oh. The one in Busan?”

“Yes.”

“Uh. When is it? I’m supposed to start work in three weeks.”

He wondered how big of a Carat you were because he knew that most would jump at the opportunity, but he felt oddly reassured that you weren’t a fan who would shirk on your responsibilities. “It’s in two weeks. You can… uh, bring Hyejin?”

You blinked up at him. “You know her?”

“She, uh, is always on your Instagram.”

“That’s very sweet of you and she’s gonna freak out that you know her, but she’s actually going to be in Jeonju that entire week with Wheein-unnie because they’re visiting their family. And then none of my other friends know about me knowing you. But. You know what? What kind of Carat would I be if I turned down this offer?”

Great minds think alike. “So… I’ll see you there?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you will. I’ll sing the chorus of SIMPLE so loud I’ll overpower even your vocals.”

“You know, I never said I was singing SIMPLE.”

“Oh, what? What are you singing then?”

Jihoon grinned. “Guess you’ll have to come and find out.”

You let out a low whistle. “Wow, what an idol. Using your charm to convince me to use up my time and money.”

“You think I’m charming?”

“Enough that my wallet is in constant danger.”

“You know, I can always give you free things.”

“It’s okay. Buying your albums and merchandise and concert tickets have been the only way I can support you. And, well, I did promise I would be your number one fan.”

“‘S alright. That’s all in the past.”

Jihoon noticed you flinching at those words. Your voice was barely above a whisper, “…Is it really all in the past? It’s not that simple, is it, Jihoonie?”

He remained silent.

So did you.

You both walked, the evening stroll accompanied only by the artificial lights of the city, the sun having long since gone to rest and the light of the moon nowhere to be found.

You reached the doorstep of your apartment and you turned back to face him. “I think… We probably have a lot to talk about. But maybe the timing is off right now. I know I need to sort myself out, if that’s okay? I’m trying to do this thing where I think before I talk instead of just diving in and regretting something, you know?”

Jihoon nodded. He was all too familiar with that.

“But I just want to let you know that I still want to be a part of your life. And we can navigate how that will look like when we’re both not caught up in living our lives. Is… is that okay?”

He wanted to cry. “More than that.”

You smiled. “I’ll see you at the concert, Jihoonie.”

“I’ll see you, firefly.”

──────────────────

After that night, he was thrown back into his and SEVENTEEN’s work. Outside of Bumzu’s concert, they were working on their next album, aiming to release it in just two months, the theme centered around a youthful infatuation blossoming into a mature love.

He wondered what you would think of it.

One night, he was in his studio with Soonyoung again who looked over Jihoon’s latest solo for Bumzu’s concert.

“Jihoon, this is the saddest shit I’ve ever read.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Are you sure that this is what you’re wanting to perform? That this is what you want her to hear? In front of hundreds of people?”

“It’s… the most honest I can be. Yeah, it could scare her off. But I don’t think we can keep moving forward without addressing what happened between us. But I didn’t make this song to make her feel bad. I made it so I could let go of the pain I associate with the old her to be able to make space for the new her, you know what I mean?”

Soonyoung spared no expression. “Whatever you think is best, Hoon.”

“I’m just going to take a leap of faith,” Jihoon sighed. There really was no predicting exactly how things would turn out. You were different, he was different. There were too many unknown variables with the situation. “Hopefully she’ll be there to catch me.”

“Mm.”

“What’s up?”

“I’m thinking about how you’re going to be singing a ballad, pouring your true and genuine feelings, and I’ll be performing Hurricane in a tiger print shirt.”

Jihoon paused for a moment. “Duality of SEVENTEEN.”

──────────────────

You must have also been busy, as the only notification he got from you was on the day of the concert. It was a selfie of you at a gas station in the wee hours of the morning, no doubt filling your tank before your 4 and a half hour car ride, with a message saying, “i’m on my way to you! fueled by overpriced gas and cheap snacks!”

You were on your way. To him.

There was an electricity that was coursing through him that went beyond just nerves before a show. No, there was so much more riding on this, and as much as he wants to believe and trust that everything would work out in some way or another, there is the deep part of him that yearns for it to work out for the best. The most ideal cut.

He pressed his hands against his chest, as he tried to mimic compression.

But there was just too much bursting out of him to truly contain.

“Jihoon-ah, you alright?”

He must have looked like a crazed man to Jeonghan because the latter had an incredulous look on his face as soon as they made eye contact. “Do I not seem alright?”

“No.”

“Hyung.”

Jeonghan let out a low chuckle and moved behind him to squeeze the shoulders of the stressed man. “It’s okay to hope, you know.”

“It feels like hope is the reason I can’t breathe right now. If it weren’t for hope, I wouldn’t care this much. If it weren’t for hope, I wouldn’t be in this position.”

“You’re right. You wouldn’t be. Without hope, you wouldn’t be in SEVENTEEN. You wouldn't have become an idol, be our unit’s leader, become a producer, written songs, or even had the chance to reconcile with her. All of what you are would’ve been impossible without hope”

Jihoon bit his lip. “I feel like I’m going crazy, hyung. I keep going back and forth between whether it’s worth it. I haven’t felt anxiety like this in years. I know that lo–love–” Jihoon realized he never said that word so directly about her. He always found more poetic ways to dance around the word. “–can be a lot of work. But this? It makes me think that it’s not meant to be. When I see her and when I’m with her, it feels so right. But when she��s not in front of me, I feel like the best thing to do is to just run away.”

“Yeah, but you ran away last time, right?”

“And I wouldn’t be in SEVENTEEN if I hadn’t.”

“But you’ve still pined after her for all these years.”

“Maybe that’s just me being stubborn.”

“Yeah, and? What about it?”

“What happens if I’m pining after her because I regret hurting someone I cared about, my best friend. What if I don’t actually love her–”

Jihoon’s voice caught in his throat.

Jeonghan answered in a low whisper, and Jihoon is sure that if he turned around, he would see pity in his older member’s eyes. “Jihoon–”

“No, I know,” he quickly cut him off, sighing. “Ridiculous notion. Hyung, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t understand myself at all. Just yesterday, I was talking a big game about how I needed to trust her and take a leap of faith and now it feels like I’m going back on it.”

“So, you don’t trust her?”

“That’s… not it.”

“Then what is it, Jihoon?”

“I… I can’t…”

“It’s just you and me here.”

Lee Jihoon and Yoon Jeonghan.

The very two people who were in that room together when that fateful encounter on social media occurred.

Yoon Jeonghan, the island of SEVENTEEN.

“What if she doesn’t love me back?”

Jeonghan felt Jihoon’s shoulders tremble underneath his grip. The older began to rub gentle circles and stood there in silence as the younger buried his face in his hands. “...She could.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

“What if she does?”

“That’s not–”

“–How it works? Why are your worries more likely than your hope? Are they more logical? More based in reality? Listen, they’re all just thoughts driven by feelings. They both have an equal chance of happening, and yet you are convinced your worries are true. And maybe that’s your fault. Your fault because you keep suppressing your hope in fear of pain and rejection. So that later down the line, you can tell yourself that you knew it anyway. But guess what? This isn’t a game where you’re trying to come out of this as the least hurt.”

Jihoon felt lucky that Jeonghan couldn’t see his face.

“Just think of it as finally being able to let out the entire truth that you’ve been hiding for years, the truth that has been found in your lyrics, but is now finally going to reach the person you’ve hoped for so long that it would. She’ll be right there, listening to you. You’ve wanted it for so long. Don’t try to convince yourself all of a sudden that it’s not.”

“...Yeah.”

“Plus, they already have the line-up and backing vocals set up, so. It’s not like you can change it now. Go put your in-ear in. We’ll be in the audience. All of us.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“...I’m not sure if it means anything, but you’re a good man, Lee Jihoon. I’m proud of you.”

Jeonghan patted the younger’s shoulder before exiting the small space, leaving Jihoon to his own thoughts. Ones that no longer swirled over the possibility of pain or even the potential of reciprocation. Instead, he thought about his members. The ones he’s told he’s loved, both in teasing ways and genuine utterances.

And then he thought of you.

He’d like you to hear the same from him.

At least once.

(And hopefully more.)

──────────────────

Busan’s driving laws were nothing like the rest of Korea. 

Luckily growing up in Busan, you were aware of the way that the drivers swerved in and out of lanes, making illegal (?) turns any chance they got. The flow of traffic in Busan is so aggressively different from Seoul, that it felt as though you had to flip a switch to reorient yourself into the version of you that learned how to first drive in Busan.

Not long after the person you were driving to see had stormed out of your home.

You sighed.

You weren’t sure what to expect at the concert.

It felt almost embarrassing how much you daydreamed over him potentially singing a song to you. The reality is dangerously close to overlapping with the delusion that you found yourself trying to literally shake away the thoughts.

But how could you not be a little hopeful?

The love of your life invited you to a concert, with him singing a solo song.

Maybe he’d confess–

The honk of the car behind you pulled you out of your thoughts. You groaned loudly, slapping your forehead. “Get it together, Y/N!”

Jihoon had told you to enter the concert hall through a certain entrance, and that you wouldn’t need to wait amongst the lines. He recommended waiting until everyone else was seated, so you would still have 20 minutes to kill before entering the venue.

You drove, mentally fighting yourself every kilometer of the way, until you finally reached the venue. You showed the badge that Jihoon had given you and was directed towards the back lot where staff parked. You cut the engine and sat there, attempting to calm yourself down.

You immediately get a request for FaceTime on your phone.

You answer it.

“Bumblebee!”

“Unnie, I can feel myself eroding away.”

Hyejin rolled her eyes. “You’ll be fine.”

You heard Wheein’s voice in the background. “Is that Y/N?”

Hyejin answered, “Yeah. Wanna say something?”

Wheein popped into frame. You gave a weak wave. “Are you gonna confess today?”

“What? No. That wasn’t in the plan.”

“Okay? Then change the plan,” Wheein said, as though it was the most obvious thing.

“I just want to be friends.”

“Forever?” Wheein asked.

“For now,” Hyejin supplied.

You rolled your eyes. “Listen. All I know is that I want to be in his life, and whatever that looks like is still to be determined, alright?”

“But what do you want in the long run?”

“You know I can’t plan for the long-term. Let’s just take things day by day, alright?”

“Okay, but what if he confesses today?” Wheein asked.

“He won’t.”

“What if he does?”

“I–”

Hyejin tapped Wheein’s thigh off-camera. “She’ll handle it if it comes up. No matter what happens, we’ll be here to pick up your call, okay? Whether it be to sort out your feelings or to just fangirl about the concert. We’ll be here to listen to whatever you’re willing to share. There’s not much to do here in Jeonju anyway, so. Just hit us up.”

“Go eat Jeonju bibimbap.”

“We did,” they answered in unison.

You let out a short laugh. “Alright. Well. Regardless of everything, time will continue to pass. I’m going to just bask in the fact that I was invited by a member of my favorite idol group to watch his performance.”

“And that’s already cool as hell,” Wheein nodded.

The three of you chatted about their plans for the week while you did your best to focus on the conversation while still paying attention to the time left until the concert. Not long after, you bid them farewell to once again sit in silence in your car, pressing your hands against your chest.

It was time.

──────────────────

Bumzu’s concert started off as nothing less than spectacular.

You always admired his musical prowess, knowing that he was the one who helped Jihoon form his own identity as a producer and songwriter. Bumzu was a titan in his own right, his lyricism and musicality rivaling plenty of others in the field.

Although his talent is impeccable, the venue itself was small. His transition from performing towards writing and producing had a hand in influencing the number of tickets sold. You also realized belatedly that the concert wasn’t advertised to include the SEVENTEEN members that you were promised.

Regardless, it felt like such an intimate space, you were thankful for it.

You were in the upper gallery, away from the rest of the concert attendees. There wasn’t anyone else nearby you, and you assumed that would stay the case.

That is, until you heard someone sit right next to you.

You glanced over, not wanting to be overt in noticing them (although, Korean culture lends itself to staring at others outside of Seoul and Busan), and you felt your breath hitch.

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I–yeah.”

“I recorded a video for you for your graduation,” the most beautifully ethereal man on this side of existence said. “Do you remember?”

“I–yeah.”

He flashed a brilliant grin. “Yoon Jeonghan.”

“I–yeah.”

“Congratulations on graduating.”

“I–” This time, his voice overlapped yours. “Yeah.”

You flushed. “Sorry. I’m just– I’m kind of taken aback.”

“I heard I was your favorite member, your bias.”

“Mm. That’s true.”

“Why is that the case?”

You paused for a moment, the vocals of Bumzu drowning out the sounds of your conversation. “They say that your bias is the one who’s most similar to you. And your bias wrecker is the one that you’d most likely want to date or be romantically involved with.”

“Oh, so, we’re similar?”

“In the way that we love others, I think? From what other members have said about you, the way that you love is both wide and deep. You love others in a way where you can be a home for them during times of hardship,” you said, sheepishly. It felt almost strange to claim you were as loving as you were, but. You knew yourself. You knew your heart. Even the bad parts. “Also, we both would cheat at games.”

“It’s the only way to play.”

“Winning is too easy otherwise,” you added.

“Exactly,” he chuckled. “Well. That makes me feel better.”

“That I cheat at games?”

“No. That you love in the same way that I do. Because if you love Jihoonie as much as I love him, I think I have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

“I do.”

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at you. “I’m sorry?”

“I do love him,” you said, unhesitantly. Perhaps it wasn’t the wisest decision to tell one of Jihoon’s closest confidants this information. But, it wasn’t a secret. It wasn’t ever meant to be a secret. It was simply a fact. “There’s no way that I wouldn’t.”

“You… You haven’t doubted your feelings?”

This time you raised an eyebrow at him. “Why would I? He’s easy to love.”

Jeonghan laughed. “You’re so right, Y/N. So. Is he your bias wrecker?”

“You mean the one that I want to date?”

“The very same.”

You saw the mischief in his eyes, and you felt yours bubble up inside. “I wonder.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m surprised you cheat at games, you don’t seem like a great liar.”

“Who said I was trying to?” You flashed him a toothy grin.

“It’s rather strange to see just how different the two of you are. And also, how human you seem. The way that he talks about you, you’d think otherwise.”

“Unfortunately, being human is all I know,” you said, trying to shove down the feeling of butterflies in your stomach at the mention of Jihoon speaking of you to his precious brothers.

Bumzu was now giving a ment, but you were still so focused on the man next to you.

He crossed his legs and looked out at the stage. He pursed his lips. “Y/N. He’s a bit of a handful sometimes, you know.”

“I’ve got two hands.”

He smirked at that. “Right. That you do. And if you and I really are similar, then. Well. I hope you really listen to what he has to say to you, even if it can be hard to hear. I hope you try to understand him even when he doesn’t make sense. And, of course, I hope you enjoy the rest of your life loving him.”

You felt some tears well up in your eyes. “I’ll try my best.”

Jeonghan looked at you softly and patted your knee. “That’s all I ask.”

He stood up and you gave a slight bow. He smiled and said, “Enjoy the show.”

Bumzu’s voice rang out: “And now, a special guest: WOOZI from SEVENTEEN.”

Your eyes snapped back towards the stage, barely noticing the figure of your bias move back out into the shadows of the concert hall. You were transfixed by the man walking out on stage, his pale skin glowing underneath the stage lights, his black collared shirt hanging loosely on his frame. The cheers could not distract you from the way he gripped and ungripped the microphone in his hand as he sat down on the stool.

He lifted the microphone to his lips and began speaking.

“Hello, everyone. I am SEVENTEEN’s WOOZI.”

His eyes were darting around, but only looking downwards, barely looking at the crowd. “Today, I’m going to sing a song that I’ve only ever sang once. Um. And that was by myself, in my studio. Not even the other members have heard it.”

The crowd were wowed at the prospect of hearing an entirely new song from a genius producer. Seeing the spotlight shine on him, you realize how bare he looked without his other members surrounding him. His vulnerability was amplified by the closer proximity of the space.

You knew he was the kind of person that would lessen the amount of lines he had solely to allow others to shine more. He wasn’t like the sun, the blazing fire that consumed the day. No, he was so much more like the moon, the one that would reflect others’ light, but in such a way that was never accosting.

Even on the stage in front of you, he glowed so ethereally, you wondered if he was always the fae that you believed lived near the winding tree at Old Man Park’s home. He was the guiding light in the midst of night, always present, but in a less overt way than its celestial partner.

The sun was stunning in its own right, life-giving, even, but the moon provided comfort to those who tread in the darkness.

And you’ve seen the way he has done just that.

Not just for you, but for millions around the world.

“This is, uh. A very personal song,” you couldn’t help but notice the way that his grip around his microphone tightened. “I’m not sure if many of you out there have been unsure about what the future holds. But, this song… captures that, I think. This is ‘What Kind of Future’.”

Your reaction to grab your phone to record was immediately cut off by the piano playing.

This… melody?

Your throat tightened. It sounded so similar to the lullaby he would sing–

As if nothing happened I told myself that it was all a dream. When I closed my eyes and opened them again, I wanted to wake up with a relief.

The melody was so familiar, but because of that, you could focus solely on the lyrics he sang. 

Was this song… about you?

No, your mind supplied. Don’t be delusional.

But what if it was?

Your heart began to pound loudly in your ears, and you had to take deep breaths so as to not miss anything that he had to say.

Our past that didn't line up If I could go back in time Rather than roughly, but warmly Would I be able to let you go?

Your eyes widened.

You thought back to that moment in your house.

Could it be–?

When we weren't over As I held onto whatever was left You let go of me as I refused Although I don't wanna see you, I miss you Although I hate you, I miss you I don't understand myself so well

You immediately recall the desperation on his face and the hurt in his voice that you couldn’t see until it was too late. It was shrouded by his anger and your desire to look away. To run away. Because, to a teen on the cusp of adulthood, that was easier than being honest.

This waiting It's not easy to endure If I forget that someday As if nothing is wrong Our future will be empty and It's not that I want to forget you

You never wanted to forget him. 

You couldn’t.

He surrounded you at every turn.

The best parts of you were things that you learned from him.

He softened your rough edges, quieted the inner criticisms, pacified the burning flames.

The idea of him never being a part of your life again was one that you could not fathom, even with all of your imagination. Because there was no way for the current you to exist without him. Not in a way that deemed him necessary, but in a way that his friendship, his love, for you shaped you into becoming someone you, yourself, learned to love as well.

Your future might have been filled with joy and happiness.

His, just as likely to.

But yours and his, as he said, our future, would be empty.

We were happy about us You, who isn't me anymore Although I don't wanna see you, I miss you Although I hate you, I miss you I don't understand myself so well

You tried to quell your tears as much as you could, in fear of missing even another moment with him. Because you realize now that the feelings you had were not one-sided. Of course, they couldn’t have been. The way that the two of you stuck by each other through thick and thin.

Why were you so adamant that it couldn’t be true?

What kind of future is coming before us? Even if the Heavens don't give us an answer I'm too stupid until the end So I don't know the answer

The love you had for each other was so simple.

It was so direct, so straight-forward.

But the two of you made it complicated.

Why?

You also didn’t have an answer.

The both of you, burdened by the decisions of the past, anxious about the potential of the future.

As his vocals rang out, as he cried out, the tears finally streamed down your warm cheeks. You buried your face into your hands, listening to his voice, but unable to withstand the sight of him holding his microphone with such gentle, yet firm, hands. The same ones that trembled at his side that fateful day. Your breath staggered as you wept for the past versions of you.

The ones who struggled and constantly questioned whether you were loved by the person you longed for. The ones who somehow convinced themselves that you weren’t, rather than trusting in the obvious truth that you always had been.

And still are.

As the song concluded with his smooth vocals, the crowd erupted into cheers. You raised your head and found him looking longingly up in your direction, and if you weren’t mistaken, at you. 

But how could he? 

The stage lights were so bright, you were sure it was impossible to see beyond the stage.

But with the way his gaze softened as your bottom lip trembled.

Maybe, just maybe.

As soon as the crowd settled down to a reasonable level, he began speaking again. “Thank you all for attending tonight. Bumzu-hyung is an artist that I admire a lot, so I feel really honored that I was able to share my music here. This song is… both personal and special. And I hope that, maybe, someone out there can understand what I was trying to convey.

“Carats, thank you always for your support. Remember to stay healthy; I’m always wishing for your happiness. We hope that you continue to love and support SEVENTEEN. I’m always humbled by Carat’s love for us, and I really wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

He began to fiddle with the microphone in his hands. 

“Did you know that…” He trailed off for a moment before he glanced up in your direction. Your breath hitched. “...If you dream of fireflies, they’re supposed to represent guidance and inspiration? Because they’re kind of like a beacon of light in the dark. And according to some, they’re also meant to represent taking a chance at an opportunity that’s right in front of you. And I, uh. I’ve been dreaming of fireflies for a long time. So, I think… that means that it’s time to try and take that chance. I’m not sure what it’ll look like, but…”

He shut his eyes for a moment, tilting his head backwards, looking as though he was allowing the weight of his words to really sink into him. He brought the microphone back up to his lips.

“Thank you again. I hope our future together is one of happiness.”

He gave a slight bow to the audience who cheered loudly for him. He, once again, looked up in your direction. You weren’t sure whether he could see your expression, so instead you lifted your phone screen at its highest brightness, open to the phone dial screen.

If he gave any semblance of acknowledgement, it was imperceptible.

Bumzu was welcomed back to the stage and squeezed Jihoon’s shoulder before the latter excused himself off of the stage.

Almost possessed, you followed suit, leaving the upper gallery to rush towards the restroom, out of earshot and view of anyone else.

Not even a minute later, your phone starts vibrating.

You answer immediately. “That was fast.”

“We’ve wasted enough time, don’t you think?”

“Are you… running? You sound like you’re out of breath.”

“Meet me outside. Staff parking lot.”

“I–”

“Security cleared it out.”

“Jihoon, I’m not fit like you! I’m not a runner.”

“I’m not asking you to be. I’ll wait for you as long as you need.”

Your heart swelled. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“I’ll see you soon, firefly.”

The sound of his smile filled your senses as the call ended.

Despite your complaints earlier, your feet were carrying you at a pace you haven’t attempted since your required physical education class. Your eyes were darting around, searching, searching, searching. The adrenaline rushing through your body was enough to keep up your strides. You were rushing forward, and then–

You saw him.

He pushed his hair back, his chest rising up and down, attempting to catch his breath. He was definitely winded from the running. But there was no rest for the weary as your eyes locked. You found yourself barreling forward, not even really thinking of anything other than: him.

And his arms caught you with ease as you slammed yourself into his chest. He spun you around to lessen the impact, but tightened his grip on you. “Firefly–”

“Jihoonie.”

You held each other for a while.

Long enough for both of your breathing to even, for your heart rates to synchronize.

As though making up for lost time.

He adjusted his face just slightly away from the crook of your neck to speak. “Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere you want.”

“Yeah, well. I’m the driver, so no shit.”

Jihoon laughed and squeezed you closer to him. You let out a grunt. “You call the shots, firefly.”

You disentangled yourself from him and pulled out your car keys from your person. “Alright, get in, my passenger prince. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, hm?”

──────────────────

“Hi! My name is Y/N. Here’s a seashell!”

The young boy’s expression contorted into one of confusion. You were completely unaffected. He looked around at the empty playground, save for a few pigeons here and there, before pointing to himself. “Are you talking to me?”

You knew for a fact that he was someone that the CU convenience store auntie would call a ‘cutie’. You’d agree! “I’d like to!”

“I’m… I’m Lee Jihoon.”

“Okay, Jihoon! Can we be friends?”

“S-Sure.”

“Awesome!” You clapped your hands together. “I don’t really know what friends do together, but let’s go on the swings! You can sit first and I’ll push you. I’m very strong.”

“No, it’s okay! I can push you—”

“You don’t think I’m strong enough?”

“No, no. That’s not what I said—”

“Get on the swing, Lee Jihoon!”

“O-Okay.”

──────────────────

“Do you remember when I pushed you on the swing so hard that you lurched forward and got a nosebleed from falling onto your face?”

“That was the first day we met, firefly.”

“Well, I wanted to know if you remembered.”

“To the point that it haunts me.”

“You were so small and cute back then. So shy.”

You half expected that the two of you were going to drive in silence, just basking in each other’s presence. But, remaining true to the dynamic you two always had, there was still so much to talk about. You told him about the drive down from Seoul and how Busan really needed to up its driving laws to match the rest of the country. He told you about how Soonyoung just finished performing “Hurricane” on stage and Jeonghan sent him the video.

You told him about how Jeonghan actually approached you.

“Aha.”

You couldn’t turn to see his expression, so you asked, “Why? Is that a bad thing?”

“He, uh. Might’ve witnessed me have a bit of a mental breakdown backstage, so.”

You took his nervous laughter as a sign to not push further. “Honestly, me on any given Tuesday.”

“What, your grad program?”

“Oh, man, I gotta tell you.”

And so the two of you exchanged both stories and banter until you finally saw the shoreline coming into view. Just a couple of moments later, you parked your car along the sidewalk at the edge of the beach. This was a more local area, far away from tourist spots.

“Ah, this place.”

“Lotta memories here,” you said. You shot him a big smile as you turned off the engine. “Let’s go make a new one.”

The two of you exited your car and threw your socks and shoes into the trunk of your car, just like you did with his parents’ car, when you were children.

As you both walked towards the edge of the water, you were very aware of the silence that had fallen onto the two of you.

There was an instinct in you that told you to remain quiet.

“You know,” Jihoon broke the silence. You smiled to yourself. “I’ve always admired how you were able to be so honest about your feelings, without worrying about what other people think.”

“That’s the nice way of saying that I don’t think before I speak.”

He laughed and you relished in it. “Maybe.”

You skipped forward a bit more, letting your toes dig into the now cooled sand, the sun long set. You had your back turned to him as you waited for him to continue speaking.

“I was always someone who kept to himself. Who never really shared my heart with anyone.”

You hummed as you turned to face him directly. “You did in your own way, I think. You just needed people who knew how to read between the lines.”

“I was never honest about the hard stuff though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I constantly asked myself if I was worthy enough to love you.”

You opened your mouth to retort, but he continued.

“You loved me in such loud ways. You honestly left no room for doubt, and yet my brain managed to squeeze in some anyway. But… you know what I eventually realized?”

“What?”

“I realized that if I were to give myself to anyone, to be safe with anyone in the world, it would be okay if it was you. You’ve always been honest. Your sadness. Your joy. I know I can trust it. Maybe that’s naive considering how long we’ve spent apart. But you’ve never been anything but honest. So this is me trying to do the same. Y/N, my light, my firefly, I love you.”

In his eyes you saw him searching for something, anything. He might’ve not been able to interpret the expression on your face, but there was no need to. You pulled the collar of your shirt down to reveal the ink forever etched into your skin, placed over your heart.

Art that was drawn on a paper towel a decade ago.

You knew even in the dim light of the street lamps high above you, he could see it.

His jaw dropped. “Wait. That’s—”

“I broke one promise in my life. Just one. And I told myself I would never do it again. No matter how stupid the promises were, no matter how mundane, no matter how old they were. I would never break another promise. Because breaking that one promise ended up breaking me. The promise that I’d always be by your side.”

“What are you—?”

“Because it’s you, it’s always been you. Ever since I gave you that stupid seashell from this very beach,” you gestured at your surroundings. “And it was stupid because you could easily get your own, but you kept it. Like it was a precious treasure.”

The rampant beating in your chest matched the rhythm of your words.

“I don’t know what the future holds, Jihoon. I have no idea and I’m terrified. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know anything. Years at Yale, years at Seoul National, years spent in higher academia only taught me that I know so little. But you, oh, you were the worst reminder. I don’t get how you can make me feel so empty and filled at the same time. I don’t understand how you can make me feel at home with just a smile. I don’t know how you have such a hold on me. You’re just this strange enigma that I can’t seem to place, a riddle with no way to solve. But God, I so badly want to try. You’re a question I want to spend the rest of my life trying to answer. Because it’s you.”

He bit his lip and you wondered if you overwhelmed him.

“I’ve spent years, you know,” his voice barely above a whisper.

“Doing what?”

“Hoping that you would hear me. That my words would reach you,” he breathed out. His eyes softened as he recalled, “‘If a second life that’s different from now is to come to me, will I be by your side? Will you be by my side? I imagine things like this. Even if they’re words I mentioned as a joke. Will you believe me? Even if it’s a funny imagination. On a sudden day when I’m left alone, I’ll take my steps towards you again.’”

He stepped forward, hands reaching for yours, and you immediately took them, as soon as he was an arm’s length away. Physically, this wasn’t the closest he’s ever been, but it was the closest you’ve ever felt.

“‘You did this once before. Only by looking in your eyes I can tell. Whatever may happen, I want to know this emotion. When walking by my side, I don’t even want to let go of your hands. That flattering feeling is because of you, everything is so good.’”

He took another step forward, his voice dropped to barely above a whisper, hoping you could hear his words above his heart hammering in his chest.

“‘What can I do? Without you, my heart stops and it’s always cold. What can we do? Without me, you’ll struggle just as much, so what can we do?’” He paused, before recalling later lyrics. “‘I don’t wanna let you go like this. I don’t want to be scared with a broken heart. I’m the place you can come to. You’re the place I can go to.”

Tears formed in your eyes, but he brushed them away easily, now cupping your face within his hands, the tips of your noses brushing against each other, and you could have sworn he felt the fluttering of your eyelashes against him, dampened slightly by your watery eyes.

“‘I couldn’t express my feelings because I was too young. I wanted to be your tomorrow, so I lived today. Ever since the first day I saw you. In my heart, it’s always been you. These typical words, I’m only saying them now, but I hope these typical words will reach you.’”

You looked at him, your entire being filled and your senses flooded.

With him.

It was only him, him, him.

How could you not have realized?

His words, his feelings were so clear.

He had the kind of love for you that brings forth a melody.

His gentle voice drew you away from your own thoughts, “Thank you, firefly. For choosing me.”

“Always, Jihoonie. Always.”

He leaned in to close the distance.

You met him halfway.

──────────────────

Your hands were intertwined with his as you swung them lightly, back and forth, ebbing and flowing, like the waves almost reaching your feet on the coastline of the local beach where you would laze away during your adolescence and find adventure during your childhood.

The two of you fell into a comfortable rhythm, the sounds of the ocean and lull of the town around you, just basking in what felt like the stars finally aligning.

Jihoon squeezed your hand for a moment. “You know, I thought you left because you realized that I had feelings for you and didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I’m sorry, what?” You stopped in your tracks and turned to face him, still not letting go of his hand, the sea breeze weaving itself between his and your hair.

He raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was pretty obvious. Hyung and noona thought the same. They figured it out pretty early on.”

“Um.”

He blinked. “You had no idea?”

“I—I thought you were in love with noona—”

“Hey, I might’ve thought she was pretty, but you were the one that turned that into something it wasn’t.”

“What! What about the times we went to try and find out whether the mini golf place was fun enough for a date idea? Or whether the food stand near the beach was romantic enough?”

“Please tell me you’re hearing yourself.”

“I’m—”

“Jesus, firefly. Are you serious? Did I end up ever taking her there? Did I even try? All of those places, all of those times, those were meant for you. You were the one who kept bringing up noona and what she would like while I was trying to figure out whether it would’ve been weird to reach out and hold your hand.” His grip tightened on yours.

You flushed at that. “Okay, but like—you spent so much time with noona before I left.”

“Because she was trying to help me plan something to get it through your thick skull just how in love I was because obviously none of the other things I did was enough.”

“I—you—she’s better than me.”

“I just confessed that I was in love with you, and you’re focusing on her right now?”

You blabbered out incoherent sounds and he merely laughed in your face at your reaction.

(Or maybe at himself.)

“Dozens of songs of writing my feelings for you into the lyrics, and you still didn’t get it. So. I’ll try and say it as clearly as possible. I love you, Y/N. What can I do to get you to notice me? Because I’ll do it, firefly. I swear I will.”

You bit your lip.

“I got my driver’s license.”

He wasn’t expecting that. “Uh… recently?”

“No. A month after you left, a month before I did. I got my driver’s license and I so badly wanted to call you to tell you. Because we talked about late night diner specials and how uncrowded the park was at six in the morning and you said I’d be your chauffeur forever.”

“Yeah, why should I have to learn?”

“Jihoon.”

“I’m doing alright without one, thanks.”

You rolled your eyes, but continued, “I drove around the neighborhood several times, passing by the mailboxes we used to Sharpie, the stop signs we tried to run up and slap, the sidewalks we crossed after hagwon, the sewer where we were convinced a clown lived.”

“That was a you thing, don’t drag me into it.”

“And I realized that none of it mattered if you weren’t in the passenger seat.”

“So, what are you saying? That I’m just good company?”

You eyed him and knew he was teasing, but there was a hint of insecurity underneath it. Because he said those words you had yet to acknowledge, let alone, respond to. The corner of your lips upturned. “Yeah, that’s it. And if it’s alright with you, I’d like to be in said company for at least one lifetime. I love you, Lee Jihoon.”

“You’re missing the ‘too,’ since I said it first.”

“You’re annoying.”

“It’s been one of the only ways to get you to look at me, firefly.”

“Mm. I’m always looking.”

“Respectfully?”

“Most times. Have you seen the ‘Good to Me’ choreo?”

He bumped your shoulder as you burst into a fit of giggles, choosing to let go of his hand to wrap your arms around his waist as he pretended to stomp off. He stuck his tongue out at you, calling you a pervert, and you said, “Hey, you’re the one that’s in love with me, alright?”

He swept you up into his arms and rather than carrying you princess-style or even in a piggy-back ride, he threw you over his shoulder and you yelped loudly. 

“Jihoon!”

“Y/N!”

“Let me go!”

“Nope. Never again.”

You made a gagging noise. Who is this shameless kid?

“I’ll put you down though, my shoulder hurts.”

You smacked it once you were on your own two feet and ran as much as you could with the weight of your feet sinking into the wet sand with each step. He quickly closed the distance between the two of you and tackled you to the ground. You fell back, with his hand behind your head, ensuring no damage to your person. You giggled up at him.

The edge of the waves were mere centimeters from you, but seeing him against the endless night sky, with glittering stars, him, your moon, you could not bring yourself to care.

You had so many questions you wanted to ask him, about his life as an idol, about his pursuits and his struggles and his hopes and his dreams. You were so excited to fall in love with him again. You hoped that he would be just as excited to love the person that you’ve become, the one that is so wholly you, but has been transformed by him.

Leaving things left unsaid was a burden the two of you beared for far too many years, believing that you deserved the painful yearning of each other, to make up for the choices made as teenagers.

You breathed in the salt of the sea, as you thought about how, years ago, you were in the same city, letting this very person walk away from you. Shame washed over you, as it has for years, like the waves that were ebbing and flowing right beside you, and tears began to form in your eyes. It was almost embarrassing, how easily you let him slip away. He deserved so much.

“I’m a lot,” you choked out.

He smiled softly as he cupped your face gently, not moving to brush away tears that were threatening to fall. He simply held you, wordlessly accepting all that you were.

“Never too much, and always enough, firefly.”

You wanted to thank whatever higher power was out there.

Whatever one compelled Jihoon to search your Instagram page and accidentally like a post from years ago, a notification that could have been swiped away accidentally in the middle of the night by a bleary-eyed and half-awake you.

Because what kind of future would’ve come otherwise?

Would you have reconnected in some other way, more purposeful and intentional?

Or would you have convinced yourselves that living apart was something that was inevitable and it was better to have simply let the past be the past?

Or would you have yearned for each other in ways that even the potential of running into each other would lead to an eruption of nerves?

You breathed in slowly as you wrapped your arms around his middle, breathing him in, letting his heartbeat drown out even the sound of the crashing ocean beside you.

It didn’t really matter.

This future will be one that you build.

Together.

[끝.]

[tuliptired]

One-shot for Egon? Egon and the reader that constantly throws him off guard with their flirting?

Shut Up, You're Stupid, Just Kiss Me

Pairing: Egon Spengler/Gn!Reader

if you saw me post this to the wrong ask you actually didn't

better formatting on Ao3 😔

Another one of these benefit-things. Egon understood the whole spiel- show up and look nice so the city doesn’t shut them down and a few nonprofits can look generous. But they got repetitive quickly. He didn’t even know why they were invited to this one. But, Ray insisted that it’d be good for them- and possible investors. Everyday sacrifices.

Ray and Winston always handled the networking part of the night, while Peter sat next to him at the bar, absolutely bored out of his mind as he toyed with an empty glass, head in his hand. Egon didn’t drink, but for some reason these bars were the only seats in the entire ballroom. It never made much of a difference, as he always spent the majority of his time observing the guests or the bottles on the wall, or wondering what he’d do when he got home. 

“Egoooooon,” Peter whined for the 10th time that night as his head hit the bartop. “I don’t know what to do.” They’d been through this. 

“Do what you always do. Get drunk. Talk to women.”

Peter’s cheek lay against the wood as he turned to face him, eyelids lower than usual. “But I miss my girlfriend.”

“Halfway there.” Egon righted his forgotten glass as it threatened to roll off the bar.

“You don’t get it, man. I’m committed now.” If that was a solemn vow or a complaint, it was hard to tell. 

A pair of women stood next to them at the bar, giving quick apologies for the close proximity. Peter notices Egon’s shoulders square, and suddenly becomes very interested in tonight.

He perked up quickly, leaning into Egon. “Y’know what would make my night? Seeing you take a chance. Don’t shake your head- you know I’m right.” Egon shut it down silently, shrugging off Peter’s hands. Peter was right, he hadn’t “taken a chance” in what felt like forever. Peter’s voice continued to try and convince him, as it was tuned out into a low vibration of sounds. 

Romance- or love, didn’t scare Egon. He was a grown man, after all, and he figured he understood it well enough. But that was his downfall. Person A is attracted to Person B, and they start dating- it was a simple equation. Peter and Dana defied the equation at times. But they put themselves back into it. Louis and Janine bent the rules of the equation. Could he do that? Could he break the rules, make new ones, to law that evolves every moment? Peter’s voice turned into a ring. This didn’t matter. People didn’t look at him.

He first experienced that realization in high school, the week of a dance. Big ears, big glasses- but Peter had a date. Peter always had a date. Did he want a date? Someone to hold when it was dark? To blush with as they got dressed up together? He was only human. But would he ever get that? All signs pointed to no. So, he stopped worrying about it all together. It was easier to ignore while his nose was in a book. 

Peter was practically draped over his shoulders. “Do you want me to die, Spenges?” 

“Can’t you bother someone else?” He didn’t mean to snap. It was just an unpleasant moment of awareness, it always was. 

Peter was unmoved. “Oh, Egon. Is it ‘cause they’re girls?” He jumped from his stool as Egon decided to remove himself from the bar. “Sit, sit, sitsitsit. I’ll go and find Ray. I think you need a nap, anyway.” Peter disappeared into the crowd before Egon could join him. 

Loneliness. Maybe he really should start drinking. Or, coat tailing after Peter found Ray to get out of here sooner.

He couldn’t stew in his increasing misery for long, as he felt a presence behind him. As he turned around to be freed from tonight, to stick to Ray or Winston’s side like a lost kid, he was met with a different sight.

Oh god.

“Mr. Spengler!” Your cheery face beamed. “It’s been a while. Is anyone sitting here?” Not anymore, you were already lowering your butt into it. 

He remembers you well. He was required to take an Humanities class, something about ethics and morals in STEM students. You were a TA, the professor explained  not necessarily going into that field, but taking the opportunity anyway. Egon considered himself to be well-rounded academically. But you were near tyrannical. In a class of liberal arts, english, and history majors, he stuck out like a sore thumb. You picked on him relentlessly, engaging in back and forth discussion that the rest of the lecture watched on. Even the professor.

Independent analysis- each student assigned a poem and asked to dissect it. “But, Mr. Spengler, surely you’re not insinuating that the speaker didn’t grow throughout her poem?” Your voice was loud, though the hall was smaller than normal and his seat was much closer to the front than he remembers it being yesterday.

You were always on the side of emotion and subtext, him on the side of logic and literalism. “In 6 stanzas, she wrote about flowers. I’m insinuating that her perspective did not grow in those 6 stanzas.”

You turned your back to him, moving to the large chalkboard. “Are you sure you’re not dancing around the fact that your assignment was an allegory for sex?” The class broke, and his face flushed into a bright, knowing red, as you flashed him a bright, knowing smile.

Relentless torture. You’d stop him before he could leave the hall, a timed essay in your hands that you’d returned to everyone but him.

“Interesting topic,” you offered, after an hour of grilling him. As he reached for the paper, you pulled your hand back.

“Your writing is improving. You do exceptionally well when it’s something you enjoy.” You let him take it.

You start for your things by your desk, before calling out into the empty room. “And you’re cute when you actually try!”

So he decided that he hated you. It was the only plausible explanation. He left your debates cherry pink , stumbling over his own words. He could have sworn that he was beyond intelligent. But when he stepped into that room with you he became a bumbling idiot. And hate was a powerful thing. He found himself contemplating what would occur that day as he made his trek across campus. He was sure he’d understood the essay he was assigned to the point of being able to recite it. That would show you. But you shut him down, and up. No matter how calculated and practiced his responses were, you tore down his guard with your comments. How could someone who made him feel so stupid say such…things? He sat alone at night, pondering his ailment. You confused him to an intense degree. Sweaty palms, increased heart rate- this was hate, white and hot. 

The morning before he graduated, preparing to return in the fall for his doctorate, he appeared in the desolate classroom, as you cleaned out filing cabinets. 

You looked up from underneath the desk, the smile he’d seen for a whole semester spreading on your lips. “Your reception outfit is nice, Mr. Spengler.”

God damn it. Why was he here again? The grip on his bag tightened as he scoured through his brain for any recollection. You had a box in your arms, simply passing him.

“Don’t change,” and the door shut behind you.

How he hated you. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” you managed to order a drink while talking directly to him.

“Of course.” Sweaty palms, increased heart rate. 

You sipped your glass. “You finished your doctorate? No more school?”  

He adjusted to spontaneous conversation, albeit slowly. He didn’t face you as he responded. “No more school.” You let out a noise of surprise.

“Doctor Spengler. I like that.” His ears burned. 

“And you’re doing the ghost-thing?” Oversimplification. But he found himself not caring when the words fell from your lips. 

“Full-time.”

“I get your ads 24/7. You look great in a jumpsuit.” His long legs jerked against the underside of the bar, and he heard you stifle a laugh. His stomach soared. Vitriol.

There was a hand on his arm. That commanded his attention. If he wasn’t full of…rage then, he was now. 

You murmured. “I don’t still make you nervous, do I, Dr. Spengler?”  He couldn’t breathe. As he opened his mouth, the only sounds that came out were stammers. You just laughed, squeezing his arm as you rose from the stool.

“I’ve gotta get going. Goodnight, Dr. Spengler.” You were gone before he could blink.

Nights later in the firehouse, in the safety of his lab, he couldn’t focus. How ironic? As he trotted down the steps for fresh air, the phone rang out. Janine was out for her lunch, and the others were still on the road from a last minute job. He sighed.

“Ghostbusters.” 

“Hey, Dr. Spengler. I enjoyed seeing you again and,” He held the phone to his ear with two hands. “I was wondering if you’d like to get dinner tomorrow night?”

He hated you. He’d show you just how smart he was by hanging up, ending this (one-sided) college feud.

“We’re back,” Ray’s voice startled him as he leaned against the desk’s edge staring at nothing. “Did we get a call?” He looks to the phone, resting on the tabletop rather than its proper place. Egon swallows.

“Just one.”

“Okay?” They wouldn’t accept his answer. He averted his eyes.

He conceded, letting himself lean back against the desk again. “An old TA.”

Ray’s eyebrows shot up. “The one who used to needle you all the time?” Ray had never met you, but he recalled Egon’s bad moods after having left your class. 

“Egon’s got a bully,” Peter directed at Winston as he did something in his own open office, behind Janine’s desk. “What’d they want?”

He took a short breath. “Dinner.”

Peter whistled. “Gutsy,” Winston offered as he sent Peter a look of shared surprise. Ray kept his attention on Egon.

“Good on you for saying no.” Egon was silent.

Peter reappeared. “You said no, right?”

More silence. Egon was a weak, weak man. Peter put him in a headlock, pulling him in tight as Ray’s eyes blew out, wide, and Winston laughed in disbelief. 

“Spenges is a big fat masochist!”

A woman walked in for an in-person consultation, confused at the sudden spectacle.

“Would you be quiet?”

You were (fashionably) late. 5 minutes and 23 seconds, to be exact, but he wouldn’t mention it. Not while you were going on about losing your house keys before you were about to leave. As you talked, he couldn’t help but notice how nice you looked in the warm lighting of the restaurant. Jealousy, perhaps?

So he let you talk. And talk. But he didn’t find himself searching for other stimuli like he normally did with characteristically chatty people. You seemed nervous, cringing a bit after every poorly measured story or unintentional confession. He had a bit of an upper hand. He smiled to himself, albeit small.

“What?” You grinned back, probing him. 

“Nothing,” he took a sip from the water he’d been nursing in place of wine. His expression was smug, hidden behind the lip of the glass.

“How’d you stay single, with a face like that?”

He choked on his water, setting the glass down as he coughed into his elbow. You had your head in your hand, leering at him like he was food. “I beg your pardon?”

“When you were post-grad? Guys and girls lined up outside your office to speak to you. And it wasn’t for your brain.”

You were messing with him, like you always were. But he’d bite. “They were eager to learn.”

You drew your hands up, incredulously. “Yeah, eager to learn what you looked like naked.” For the first time in his Jewish upbringing, he felt compelled to utter the name Jesus Christ.

The night went on for a bit longer. Against his better judgment, he started to find you funny. And witty. And incredibly alluring. You strung him along for 10 minutes about a classic of fiction, only to reveal that it was a personal story of your sexuality. And then you did it again, this time making a comment about his rear end. He couldn’t help but be startled every time.

You let him go on a tangent about his studies at one point, watching and listening intently. He felt the feeling rise in him again. This must have been full revulsion, because he couldn’t stop bouncing his leg. His cheeks began to grow sore from prolonged, uncontrollable smiling- what he considered to be himself reverting back to primal reactions from how hot his hatred burned. You fell into your old ways, going back and forth about a classic he’d read between then and college. He felt like he did in that lecture hall, temperature increased and body leaned towards yours.

“Assine point of view, Dr. Spengler,” you crossed your arms. The name made him feel like he’d collapse onto the floor every time you said it, however the scene was made in a fancy restaurant. 

Begrudgingly, he spoke up, voice weaker than it had been in hours. “You can call me Egon.” He absentmindedly picked up his glass.

You shook your head, twice. “Dr. Spengler is fine. It's pretty fun to say in bed.”

The glass in his hand shattered in his white knuckled fist. That’s how you both were escorted out the establishment, partially for the glass now strewn into the carpeting as well as his palm, in addition to his failure to react to the staff shaking him around. You guided him outside, the cool air doing him some good as his hand was wrapped haphazardly in white napkins.

“Sorry. About your hand.” You broke the silence, assuming an arbitrary direction as you continued in the path of your apartment. 

He was in his own world. Nay, his own universe. He stopped you as a cool wind blew through the sidewalk, rustling a nearby tree. 

“I don’t understand. I don’t know what I know anymore. I hate you. And you hate me.” 

His face was one of desperation, while yours was one of dismay. He continued.

“When I talk to you- when I see you. I feel the intense-st emotions, most of which I never thought I’d experience. I sweat. Too much. I forget what was on my mind. I look like an absolute moron. And- I never knew what that meant. So it had to be hate. That’s why you treat me the way you do- you laugh and smile and call me an idiot while calling me handsome because you hate me, too.”

He never vomited his soul out like that to anyone. Only a handful of times, really, to his closest friends. You only blinked, before a new expression drew over your features. Your face melted into a smile, to his surprise, as your arms suddenly found their way around his neck. 

“Come inside, Dr. Spengler.”

He woke up the next morning- in your bed as you slept soundly. How he hated you.

[janmisali]

FAQ

Q: wow, you're on tumblr?

A: that's not a question, but yeah, this is the Official blog of youtuber jan Misali. I also have my main blog @hbmmaster where I reblog stuff and make more low-effort text posts.

Q: wait, you're on youtube?

A: yeah, I make videos. for new viewers I recommend checking out the best of jan Misali playlist. for people who already watch and enjoy my videos I recommend watching my inspiration playlist, which is a curated selection of videos I personally keep finding myself coming back to.

Q: can you put your name and pronouns in this FAQ?

A: you can call me Mitch, jan Misali, or Misali. "jan" works too, just make sure not to capitalize it. I use he/they pronouns, with no strong preference between the two sets.

Q: when is [video you've announced] coming?

A: by asking this, you have delayed it by another month. sorry!

Q: when is [series that hasn't had a new installment in a while] returning?

A: when I want to go back to working on it, and no sooner

Q: are you going to make a video about [thing you mentioned in a post]?

A: no. some things are just posts

Q: I want to make something based on something you made. is that okay?

A: I'm not a cop. I broadly approve of any stuff people make that's derivative of my own work, as long as I'm given the appropriate amount of credit for it and you tell me about it once it's posted somewhere so I can see it. the only exceptions to this are if you're like just fully reuploading something I made (not cool!) or if it's something I'd disapprove of even if it wasn't derivative of my work (do not write fanfiction with me in it, or like, south park character AI covers of song translations I've made).

Q: you're into languages, right? how many languages do you speak?

A: none

Q: what font do you use in your videos?

A: Noto Serif

Q: what software do you use to make videos?

A: Google Slides and Audacity

Q: can you reblog the scoobypost again?

A: only if you ask nicely.

questions about "the /hj tone indicator is worse than useless" (March 2023)

Q: I think what /hj (half-joking) is supposed to mean is...

A: the reason I find /hj confusing is not, in fact, that not enough people have told me their own personal definitions of what they think it means. I do not need or want to hear any more, thank you.

Q: I think I get what the /oj anon was saying, it's something like...

A: I am not exaggerating by saying that I spent years coming up with interpretations of what the /oj anon could have meant. there is a 0% chance that I haven't at some point considered the exact interpretation you're suggesting. if you want to share your interpretation with someone, find a different person who thinks they understand it and tell them instead of me.

questions about "how many Super Mario games are there NOW?" (May 2024)

Q: will you release the full survey data?

A: no. the full survey data includes the anonymous comments of 5500 random people on the internet who didn't sign up for that.

Q: will you release an edited simplified version of the survey results?

A: I already did! it was in the form of a video called "how many Super Mario games are there NOW?"

Q: will you release the full survey data, but without the open answer sections?

A: no. the raw numbers are not in a comprehensible format, and it would take about as much work as it took to make the video itself to get them into a comprehensible format. I'm not doing that myself, and I'm certainly not going to allow other people to do that on their own just so they can find out what I decided wouldn't be worth mentioning in the two-hour video. if you have a specific question about the results, ask that question instead.

[ask-the-bone-boys]

ATBB's Future

Hiiii y'all, its uh. been a minute huh

Now that it's been a bit over a year since I put this blog on hiatus, a loootta stuff has happened and changed and i've been doing a loootttta thinking!

Looking back on it, like really really looking, my biggest reason for the hiatus was that at some point the blog just kinda became more of a chore than something I wanted to work on for fun. Ask blogs are a lot of work, even when you're just using talking portraits rather than drawing out every individual answer, and with how much ask culture on tumblr has died out over the years there just wasn't really enough payoff to make it feel worthwhile to keep burning myself out.

I think it's a really good thing I stopped it when I did, because having to deal with all that in my senior year of high school would have been a nightmare. I've actually just finished up my first semester of college now, and there's no way in hell I would've been able to keep up at any rate! With all of this in mind, I've gained a newer perspective about how to approach things going forward.

I'm still really attached to this story. With how much time I've spent thinking about it and developing it in my head, I can't let it go, even if the blog isn't really working out anymore. I keep thinking of different ways I could fix the decisions I made early on, as well as the super cool directions I could take it in in the future, and I just. I GOTTA.

So, I've decided to reboot it entirely as a fic series!

This means that, unfortunately, there won't be nearly as much artwork to accompany it, but it's far more likely for the story to actually progress! Writing is way less draining for me and once I get going I can do it much quicker than art anyway, even though I do still sorta wish I had the spoons to just turn it into a full-blown webcomic instead haha

This DOES mean that updates won't be nearly as linear as they were here, seeing as right now I've mostly been working on backstory fics that took place before the blog's main story, but that can at least give you guys more context for how the characters interact with each other! I'll also state that while I do write faster than I draw, I still do it a hell of a lot less, so updates will still probably be pretty infrequent. But at least they'll happen at all, right?

As for the state of this blog itself, obviously I'm going to leave it up! I still love looking back on the old interactions you guys had with my characters and your reactions to certain plot points (your reactions to Fluff tagging along with the rest of the group were my favorite by far) and I think it would actually kill me to erase them. I'll be posting the fic updates here too, just like I did for Self Hatred!

And even if it's not going to be an ask blog anymore, because of how much I still miss that kind of interaction with you guys, I think I want to do a sort of "last hurrah" event, to finally send off the asking format with some good vibes.

You see, there's a character I made up around this time of year two years ago. He's a pretty cool guy, but he doesn't actually show up until a specific turning point later in the story. I've been excited for you guys to talk to him since the day I made him, but a little bummed lately that you may not ever get the chance. I still need to get a lot of stuff prepared, so I'm not quite ready to announce or start anything just yet, but there's a reason I waited until my winter break to start thinking about this seriously.

I think you guys would really like to meet him.

But anyway, that's about all I wanted to say for now! This is a very long post already so it's time I start wrapping it up. As always, thank you all so much for sticking with me, even though I really haven't been consistent through the years. I hope this change doesn't come as too much of a disappointment, and that you'll keep sticking around for the reboot!

[chloeangelic]

Why does it seem like everything you've put out lately is just trying to rip off netherfeildren? Like the art, the plots, the aesthetics... Especially weird since you used to seem to always hype them up

I went back and forth on responding to this but I’ve decided to because I don’t appreciate having my integrity questioned. I kind of expected that I'd get something like this because there are some thematic similarities between Seeking and SWITBOSH. However, I won’t respond publicly to anything else like this cause I think we’re all very over The Discourse, and tbh it’s a massive fucking insult to accuse me of ripping someone off when I’ve spent seven months writing ca 200k words of fic and developing my own unique style of writing. If you can’t see the difference between two writers, just because they write emotional depth and full sentences, then please read an actual book and not just brainrot fic. I’m gonna properly address everything under the cut - anon domming is back on the menu today. 

That being said, because this feels weird and uncomfortable for me and likely for Vic, I’m turning off anons for the time being and I’m taking a posting break to decide whether I want to continue posting here at all or continue posting purely on AO3. I post there anyways under the same name. If you still have a bone to pick with me or my writing, please message me directly. Please do NOT pester Vic about this, I know very well that she does not enjoy The Discourse or any sort of drama. Everyone is sick of the copying discourse - please have some trust in writers’ self awareness. 

Firstly, the words “recently” and “plots” should be defined here - I personally don’t see how stepdaddy Joel, pornstar Tim, sex addict Dieter, baby daddy Javi or any of Love Me back is similar to her works at all. The Seeking teaser I posted yesterday was similar to her Pink teasers purely because it had text on a photo - my text wasn’t even from the fic, it was a quote that represented the series as a whole and the quote that finally made the series crystallize in my head. It’s the quote I want people to have in the back of their mind when they go into reading it - it’s from the song that I consider the series theme. Our formatting is not the same. Yes, I have quotes at the beginning of the chapters - my friend sent me a bunch of poems and a couple, I felt were relevant to the story so I wanted to add them somehow. Several writers do this. I stopped putting in previews above the cut cause it was making it difficult for me to write the beginning of the chapters. My masterlist art is the same as, like.. Everyone’s else’s masterlist post - the norm on here is to have an artwork from Pinterest, the title slapped on top and the writer’s name. I literally just loved Pascalisbaby’s masterlist art so much I decided to do it too. 

When you say plots, I’m assuming you’re drawing parallels between Seeking what is desirable and Someone’s Wife in the Boat of Someone’s Husband because cheater!Joel (or maybe even Pink cause DDLG, but I’m literally in a DDLG-type dynamic irl and I decided to incorporate it into a fic for once - there were CLEAR ddlg undertones in Love Me Back, it just wasn’t explicit. I also wrote several chapters of Seeking before Pink even came out, and I wrote a cheating + father in law oneshot this summer). 

The MC in Seeking is based on myself and my own life, moving away from my parents in order to live with my boyfriend at the time very far away, who ended up being extremely absent and shitty. MC+Jeremiah relationship is based on Adam and Hermine from EXIT, Jeremiah is based on Tony Soprano, Gwen is based on Janice Soprano + a story I heard from my cousin about how his wife let him do all the childcare while she went on a women’s retreat. They are not in a marriage of convenience, the MC doesn’t feel bad about the affair at all, she never pushes him away, and Gwen has no plans on leaving. Sarah and Ellie are both 16 and living with Joel in Seeking. The MC does not have similarities to Sarah like she does in Love Me Back (which was also literally based on my own life) or Someone’s.

MC is a teacher who cheats with Joel - so is the MC in my post outbreak series I wrote many months ago. They're drawn to each other immediately cause I hate slow burn fics and I didn't feel like writing two chapters of him fucking someone else this time around. She goes out intending to cheat, and he thinks it'll sustain him for the next several years. The first thing I thought up in this entire series was Jeremiah - I had his character crystallized in my head for weeks before I planned anything else.

Of course Joel is unhappy in his marriage - neither Vic or myself would write a Joel who cheats for fun, that’s just not something either of us finds interesting. It actually started as a Sopranos AU, but I decided against going that route cause I don’t know enough about white collar crime. Also, if you are familiar with my writing you’ll know I love writing infidelity - it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m writing a series with this as the central theme. The central question for Seeking is when is it okay to cheat? That’s what the entire fic is about. It’s not about him finding the love of his life after marrying someone else (like the summary of Someone’s), it’s about two instances of cheating and how we justify those two scenarios. Of course it has a happy ending - I’ve used up my non-happy ending quota for the year. 

I’m not sure what you mean by aesthetics - Vic actually edits really nice graphics for all of her Mando chapters. She spends a bunch of time on those, and you’re doing a disservice to her by overlooking how unique her artwork is and how much effort it takes. She also made really cool teasers for Pink. I’m way too lazy for any of that, I just slam a moodboard together. I started doing 3 slot moodboards cause the 6-7 slot ones were a hassle. The fact that only art pieces are used in this series is half coincidence, half me being sick of trying to fit Pedro pics into the moodboards when the colors are often wrong. 

I literally texted with her when I planned this series, saying I was afraid people would accuse it of being a ripoff of Someone’s, purely due to the Joel infidelity + uninterested wife factor, and she did not think the overall plot was similar enough to be of concern. I still hype her up, she just doesn’t post as often now so I don’t reblog as often, that’s pretty simple. I’ve also asked Iris, my editor, SEVERAL TIMES if it reads too similar to Someone’s or anything Vic has written - she is extremely familiar with both of our works and she did not think so. What exactly am I supposed to do when I’ve gotten the green light from everyone? 

This specific anon didn’t mention the actual writing, though, which is funny and it makes sense because I don’t write like Vic and I don’t try to. Her vocabulary is way larger than mine, the diction and syntax are not similar at all. She actually uses metaphors, I use them very rarely and only when it’s super dramatic. My writing isn’t poetic, it’s not flowery, it’s not formal - it’s literally just how I think inside my own head. When I read my own writing, I imagine Charles Gross doing a dramatic reading. I learn like one new word every month and eventually I’ll add it to my writing when it’s something I’m confident using irl. She has a lot of depth to her fics, I also try to write with emotional depth - I’m sorry if that’s unfamiliar in a landscape of dbf porn with no plot and 5 word sentences (I’m shading my own first series here). Seeking reads more similar to the first series I ever wrote, which I never posted, than anything else I’ve written. Half of Seeking is also straight up daydreaming sequences cause that’s literally how I think - the MC lives a boring life and daydreams, so do I. 

I’ve learned a ton from reading Vic’s stuff - I don’t read that much irl cause I rarely find English novels captivating, but her writing has really made an impression on me. I talk constantly about how much her writing makes me cry, and it really does. Reading her stuff has absolutely influenced me to be more confident about weaving in actions and little plot points that are more vulnerable and personal to myself, and that adds a lot of depth it otherwise wouldn’t. I’m very inspired by her, of course I am - but I know the difference between being inspired and trying to leech. 

I’m sorry my writing style has developed. I’m sorry I no longer write like I did in April, with matter-of-factly short sentences and little emotional depth. I have short series and long series because some plots deserve more emotional depth and some don’t need it. I wouldn’t bother writing anymore if all I did was shady lawyer Joel or Father Joel and I never improved. 

If you don’t enjoy my writing, please just unfollow. I’ve seen other fics on this platform that read similar to mine, some that have exactly the same plot points/origin stories, and at no point have I thought they were ripping me off. At some point, this specific fandom needs to realize that it’s possible for two writers to have similar ideas without it being one person copying the other. My personal opinion is that if you copy someone’s plot, you won’t be able to execute it well because you don’t have the ideas necessary to actually flesh it out. If you’re familiar with my writing, you know damn well I’m capable of coming up with my own ideas and plots. I feel zero need to rip other people's in order to gain traction - I have enough followers and idgaf how many notes anything gets. Please don’t overestimate my ability to give a fuck about my popularity in this fandom. 

Anyways, thanks for making me want to vomit, anon, you truly made me feel like shit today and I hope you have a great night! I’m not sure how much I’ll be checking tumblr for a while so feel free to message me on discord under the same name.

[nikakistos]

Did Mikasa (re)marry?

Exactly three years ago, i wrote a post with the title "Mikasa will kill Eren". I haven't written a lot about AoT since then. I still keep AoT in my heart and i read news and posts about it daily. Although i do not participate that much in discussions about it, i still read what other people have to say. This is about to change. Yes, i know that the anime ended 3 months ago and i know that AoT's time in the spotlight is probably gone for good, with very few events ahead of us. In time, people will move on to other works. That is the cycle of life for fans of stories of any medium. And yet, now, more than ever, i want to start writing about AoT and my favorite characters (Mikasa, Eren etc) again. I will begin by offering my view on whether or not Mikasa married or, more accurately in my opinion, remarried after Eren's unfortunate end.

Why remarry?

Why do i use the term remarry? After all, Mikasa and Eren were never officially married. There was no ceremony, no rings, no nothing. If anything, in the physical world, the last time Mikasa and Eren spoke was when Eren told her he hated her. That is indeed true. However, Mikasa and Eren spent quite some time in the paths together (be it months, years, or a few minutes). The realm of the paths is (was) not a dream place. It wasn't something fictional. It was reality, just like Armin described it in chapter 136. It is a different dimension where time goes by very differently compared to the physical world.

Eren brought all of his friends in there to speak to them and reveal his true intentions. With Armin, he also went on a journey, visiting all the places they wanted to see. With Mikasa, after talking to her about his plan, they decided to forget it all and spend their time together. They replayed the "What am i to you" scene from chapter 123 and Mikasa chose to express her true feelings to him, while also telling him to run away together. Eren then grabbed her arm and they escaped to the mountain cabin. From the way they act towards each other, it is easy to tell that they viewed themselves as husband and wife. This is also showcased by what Mikasa wrote in Eren's tombstone. The last word is "あなた", which typically means "you" in japanese, but, when used by a spouse to her husband, it means "sweetheart, dear etc". So, it is obvious that for Mikasa, Eren was her husband and the same holds true for Eren. This means that if Mikasa were to marry, it would be her second marriage, or, at the very least, this is how it would seem to her. For all intents and purposes, Eren and Mikasa were husband and wife in the Paths and after his death, Mikasa is presented as a widow.

The extra pages and the songs

Anyone who was reading the manga during its run knows that the original ending, the one shown in the Bessatsu Shonen Magazine, had Mikasa thanking Eren for wrapping the scarf around her while the bird was flying away. The bonus pages expanded the original ending and showed Mikasa visiting Eren's grave again and again, once with a man and a newborn child, still young, and once accompanied by two couples and their young children, while old. The difference between the two is also reflected in the episodic format of the anime ending, where the bonus pages do not appear and the closing song is different. Instead of "二千年… 若しくは… 二万年後の君へ・・・", which played in the special version, the episodic format uses "いってらっしゃい".

The episodic format provides an emotional closure for the relationship between Eren and Mikasa. The lyrics of the song reveal that Mikasa wants to and believes that she will meet Eren again. The original animation of the ED song implies that Eren and Mikasa do meet again in the afterlife after Mikasa's death. They are now free to be with each other for eternity.

The special format represents the theme of "life goes on". Wars never end permanently. They are just interrupted by long periods of peace. The same applies to Mikasas' life. In the anime, Eren's grave is visited by all of his friends, exactly 3 years after his death. Exactly 11 years after his death (7 winters and 8 springs after his friends visit his grave, slow it down as much as possible and count the season changes), Mikasa visits his grave with a man and a child. This scene has 2 very popular interpretations. One is that Mikasa married someone (Jean) and had a child with him and the other one says that Mikasa remained single and virgin forever and that the kid is adopted and that the man is Armin.

Let's start with the second option. The major arguments are that (in the manga) Mikasa still covers her Hizuru tattoo with the bandages and that she she offers roses to Eren's grave and that the number of the roses signify that she never found someone else. Some people also argue that Mikasa loving someone else romantically goes against her character.

I do not agree with this interpretation. Covering her tattoo does not mean that she didn't pass it down to her children and even if she didn't pass it down, it doesn't mean she didn't have kids. Also, in the anime, the flowers she offers are not roses. I would agree that it would be out of character for Mikasa to find someone else, but only as long as Eren was alive. It would probably take her a very long time, but if the right man appeared, maybe she could fall in love again.

During Eren's crying tantrum about Mikasa to Armin, he mentioned that if she were to find someone else it should take her 10 years at least. The anime went out of its way to show Mikasa appearing with her new family, a man and a newborn kid exactly 11 years after his death. This points towards Mikasa remarrying. The anime also added a ring to her left ring finger during her funeral scene. The lyrics that play during Mikasa's visits to Eren's grave with her new family are these "時が運んだ 穏やかな日々 手向けた花のように秘めた言葉は 誰にも告げず逝く". This means that the time brought gentle days to Mikasa and she kept her feelings for Eren to her heart, with the flowers and the words on the tombstone revealing their true extent. In my opinion this showcases that Mikasa spent peaceful days with her new family, but she kept her feelings to Eren deep in her heart, as shown by her constant offering of flowers to his grave and the words she wrote in the gravestone.

For me the biggest indication that Mikasa did remarry is the fact that these scenes exist in the first place, both in the manga and in the anime. Isayama felt the need to show these images, when the Magazine ending was very open to interpretation. There would be no point to adding these scenes, only to make the ending more ambiguous. The bonus pages are there to clarify what happens to Mikasa's life and the island in the long years after Eren's death, not to muddy the waters. If Isayama wanted the ending to be completely open to interpretation, then there would be no reason for the new pages.

Why Jean?

Shipping wars are part of most fandoms and the AoT fandom is no exception. During its run, the biggest rivalry was the one between the EM and EH supporters. Now it is between EM and JK fans. EH was never a thing in the story, but the relationship between Eren and Mikasa was the most important in the story. The entirety of Attack on Titan is built based on the relationship between its male and female leads. They are the backbone of the story and without them there would be no AoT. Of course, a tragic conclusion for them hurts people. Especially when Mikasa eventually gets married to someone that, during the duration of the plot, she didn't show any interest. But, this is not really relevant. The moment Eren died, the plot pretty much ended. The plot does not follow Mikasa's healing process and family life, because it doesn't affect anything. Also, it is so far into the future that the characters involved are practically different people. Maybe in the future Isayama will show this development in a short story, like he will do with Levi in vol. 35, but, for now, this is just an additional detail that is only 3 panels long.

Even without mentioning the physical aspects of the man shown next to Mikasa, Jean, throughout the story has been presented as the "Eren-lite". He is second best to Eren and he compares himself to his "rival". He is jealous of how much Mikasa cares about Eren, he places directly under him in training, he views him as more courageous, strong and cool than him. On the other hand, Jean is presented as a mentally stable person, while Eren is not. Jean of course can never be as passionate as Eren and he can't match Eren's kindness when Eren is kind, but he could also never be as cruel as Eren. He disguises as Eren throughout the story and he is presents himself as the best successor for Eren's titan. Most importantly, Jean shares a special connection with Eren, he understands him and he loves him.

So, it is no suprise that Isayama would have him end up with Mikasa after Eren's death. There really is no one better for Mikasa. Jean is the best option if she can't be with Eren. He cared for her throughout the series, protected her once and he even tried to paint Eren in a better light after the latter offended Mikasa. He is also the only one who can understand her love for Eren and still be with her without getting jealous over the fact that she would never be able to love him as much as she loved Eren. This is something that even Jean's voice actor expressed in the recent Attack on Titan festival that celebrated the 10 years since the beginning of the anime. He felt that Jean got to be with Mikasa and he was comforting her, but he knew that he could never replace Eren in her heart. Yui Ishikawa, Mikasa's voice actress, also said that for Mikasa, no matter how many years pass and how many things she experiences throughout her long lifespan, Eren will always be the number 1 in her heart.

Does that diminish her love for Jean? Does that mean that she never truly loved Eren? No. It simply means that Mikasa fell in love again, 10 years after Eren's death, with a man who is as close to Eren as possible. Jean most likely won her over. She didn't marry him out of some desparate need to be with a man, but because she found the strength in her heart to love someone again, even if it wasn't to the same extent as before. That doesn't make her dirty or impure, like some fans want to believe. This obsession with virginity is frankly stupid. First of all, Mikasa, by the time the she remarries, is, probably not a virgin. Unless she only spent a few minutes with Eren in the world of the paths, the two of them probably did more things than just talking and fishing. Even if she were, virginity is nothing special. Mikasa marrying someone else and having kids with him does not mean Eren got cucked. It doesn't mean that Jean won against Eren Mikasa still loving Eren does not mean that Jean got cucked by a dead man, nor does it mean that he got damaged goods. These points of view are ridiculous and are only expressed by very immature individuals and/or incels. Jean is probably somewhat sad that Mikasa and Eren didn't get to live the life they wanted together and he is probably thankful to Eren for giving him the chance to live his dream life. Jean is not the type to gloat or ridicule his dead comrade, nor the type of guy to be bitter, because Mikasa loved Eren so much.

Mikasa moved forward with her life (not moved on, widows hate this term, because it is closer to forgetting your previous spouse), without ever forgetting her big love or changing her feelings for him. And in the end, after spending many decades with her new family, she passed away peacefully and reunited with her most beloved person in the world in the afterlife. For some, Mikasa reuniting with Eren in the afterlife means that she didn't remarry, because her husband should be her soulmate and if she is with Eren she didn't have a second husband. I disagree here as well. There is no information about how the afterlife works and making assumptions about it based on real world theology is dumb. People can love more than once. If your last spouse is your soulmate, then what happens to people like Grisha? The only thing we can do is go by what is shown and what is shown is that Mikasa both remarried and met Eren in the afterlife.

The same goes for those who believe that Mikasa should not meet Eren in the afterlife, because Eren is a criminal. Attack on Titan does not pass judgement to the actions of its characters that much. Of course, Eren's actions are horrific, but the entirety of the cast and the narrative tries to shift the blame to many more people than just Eren. Eren is not the only one responsible for how things turned out. All the characters sinned. Not to mention, Mikasa expressed her certainty that she would meet Eren again in the end in the final ED song and this is what is shown. Furthermore, after Mikasa's death, the lyrics that play are these "レクイエムレクイエム檜には君た花を 罪を散すなら 暁よ照らせ". This means that if sins are to be forgiven, then dawn will illuminate the flowers under the cypress. Eren's sins by the time Mikasa died have, probably, been forgiven. In any case, repeating my previous words, we can only go by what is shown and what is shown is that the two of them do reunite in the end.

What is the point of the debate?

The debate is probably meaningless. Whether or not Mikasa married does not affect the story in any way. It simply concludes Mikasa's story. Of course, this means that i wrote close to 3 thousand words for nothing, LOL. Nonetheless, i find it ridiculous that large amounts people still debate about the frankly obvious context of 1 panel. This toxic debate should have stopped long ago. What matters is that Mikasa got to live a long and happy life with a person who loved and respected her, just like Eren ultimately wanted and she then reunited with her most beloved. Sure, it hurts that we couldn't see more of Eren and Mikasa as a couple, after being introduced to them from the very first page of the story, but this is no reason to slander other parts of the fandom or the voice actors who did their best to portray these characters for over a decade. Mikasa was lucky enough to be loved so much by two men. She got to spend her time on Earth with one of them and infnity with the other. Despite all of her shortcomings and the bad luck she faced in her life, Mikasa rose stronger from each challenge and earned her happily ever after. This is what's important. In the future, we might get to see more of her family life with Jean and the time she spent with Eren in the paths and her next meeting with him.

[lilis-palace]

WORK-IN-PROGRESS : A Secretaire desk

Not really a guide, but can be interesting for those who would like to know how I create an object or a set. Originally I wrote this essay for a course at my uni but I translated and simplified it.

💡☝️ INSPO

The secretaire desk is an iconic piece of Biedermeier furniture. My fascination with the elegant yet straightforward style is beyond measure.

🧊🕸️ MODELLING

I used Blender for modelling. (I made it when I was still using the old 2.7 version.) The design process for the object consumed a significant amount of my time, spanning a total of three hours.

After I finish making the model, I need to do something called "unfolding." This means turning the 3D object into a 2D mesh. Once that's done, I "burn" the shadows onto it, which gives it the final look you see below.

🎨🖌️ TEXTURE

After that, I use the Sims 4 Studio program. This is where I make sure that the object looks right with its texture and I decide how it should act in the game.

To create the special intarsia effect, I use patterns that I've already prepared in Photoshop. I carefully rotate and arrange them until they fit just right. It takes a lot of time, but the final outcome is totally worth it.

🌐✨ NORMAL & SPECULAR MAP

The Normal map is really important for objects with low levels of detail. It determines how light behaves on different surfaces. With the Normal map, even a surface that looks completely smooth can actually appear uneven when light shines on it. This creates the illusion of more intricate details without slowing down the game's performance.

In the game, they use a simpler version of the Normal map called the Bump map. To make it, I use a plugin in Photoshop and save it in a specific format called .DDS. I have to tweak the channels and choose the right settings to get it just right.

When I apply the Bump map to my Biedermeier writing cabinet with shelves, it creates small shadows at the edges of the shelves when light hits the center. This makes the shelves stand out from the flat surface and adds depth to the object.

The shine of an object is controlled by the specular map. It determines how reflective the surface appears, whether it's a shiny metal, a glossy glass, or a completely matte material. By adjusting the color values, we can create different types of shine.

In this project, I want to achieve a specific type of shine that looks like wax or honey. Fortunately, I already have a template ready for this. I just need to find it and apply it to the object in the program.

📊📐SIMS 4 STUDIO SETTINGS

After that, I need to make a bunch of tweaks to make sure the object works properly in the game. It involves doing both small and big adjustments. For example, I add tags to make it easy to find in the catalog, figure out how the surface should look, find the right spots where other objects can connect to it, decide where chairs and writing surfaces should go, and more. The first picture shows how things are set up by default, while the second one shows the changes I've made.

Throughout this whole process, I have to carefully figure out the exact positions for different parts using a coordinate system. It can be a bit tiresome and take up a lot of time.

📈 💼 WORK IN PROGRESS

First, I made a work-in-progress picture. This is how I announce the new collection.

💃🎞️ GIF

In the post, there's a gif that demonstrates various color combinations. Creating this gif involves a careful and detailed process. I have to take individual photos of all 16 color combinations for each of the two cabinets. Afterward, I need to carefully match and merge these photos together. Finally, I use an online Gif maker site to edit and finalize the gif.

📷🖼️ PREVIEW PIC

I spent a good 2 hours setting up the scene, and it wasn't easy finding the right items and creating the perfect environment. Editing the image also took me another 2 hours, as I paid close attention to every little detail.

Out of the three images you see above, the first one is the default color scheme generated by the game itself. The second image, on the other hand, was created using a program called Reshade. It's an extra tool you have to install separately, and its main purpose is to change the lighting inside the game. It adds depth and creates a whole different atmosphere. As for the third image, that's what it looks like after I adjusted the colors in Photoshop. And finally, I added shadows and highlights to the image to give it a more three-dimensional and immersive feel.

I hope you enjoyed this post and see you soon. The release date of the set is tomorrow!

[wayward-dreamer]

Experimental

Square/s Filled: Sex toys @spnkinkevents / butt plugs @spnaubingo / FREE @anyfandomkinkbingo

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Word count: 795

Summary: As a casual relationship develops into something more, Dean and Y/N find themselves comfortable to express secret desires to each other.

Warnings: Swearing, implied smut: dom/sub elements, rough sex, sex toys, implied anal sex

A/N: I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. It's all been stop/start for me, but I'm hoping that changes soon. Happy reading and enjoy! :)

**A/N 2: After battling formatting for nearly an hour and a half and nothing saving, I've decided to forego tags for this post because it just wouldn't let me do it. I'm beyond frustrated rn, and I need to find a new way to do this, I feel. Probably a library blog, that seems like the most common fix to this issue. So stay tuned for that I guess!!**

Dean didn’t have time for a traditional relationship. Neither did she.

Well, that’s what they told themselves and each other when things started up between them months ago. As time passed, and they spent more time together thanks to his friends embracing her into the group, they got closer. They talked about anything and everything that came to mind, told each other things from their pasts that they hadn’t shared with many people, and shared certain secrets they would never voice to anyone. Some of those secrets were ones that neither of them would ever speak of again, and others were ones that they were both willing to act on if the other was just as keen.

When they started sleeping together, the sex was incredible, to say the least. They explored each other in ways neither of them had properly experienced, and soon it was established that they were both adventurous, wanting to try new things in the bedroom that they hadn’t with other partners.

Dean learnt that there wasn’t much Y/N was opposed to. He had tied her down, blindfolded her on several occasions, used every toy she had on her, spanked her ass raw, choked her, used that incredible mouth of hers, called her every degrading name in his vocabulary (which really drove her insane), and contorted her into every position she could handle. Bringing her pleasure in every sense of the word had been incredibly satisfying, and if he could spend the rest of his life doing that he would.

Y/N learnt that Dean loved giving her the attention she craved, but every now and then he needed something for himself as well. He hadn’t been brave enough to voice those desires, until she finally got it out of him one night exactly what he wanted from her.

It started off simple. Holding him a little closer, a little tighter, running her fingers through his hair, telling him how amazing she felt because of how he fucked her, telling him how good he was. Some days he relinquished control completely, letting her dominate him in ways he had never been comfortable with before, until now. She had tied him down just like he had her, blindfolded him too, exploring parts of his body no one else had. She used her talented fingers, her skilled mouth and tongue, breaching the ring of muscle and sending him over the edge sooner than he was expecting.

It had felt amazing, on a different level, leaving him comfortable enough to ask her for more as time went on and their relationship continued to grow without either of them realizing it.

“You okay?” she asked, her lips lightly pressed against the bare skin of muscular back.

“Yeah,” he answered breathlessly, nodding quickly.

“You know, you don’t have to-” she started to tell him he could back out, but he glanced back at her, his gaze cutting her words off.

“Hey, I’m nothing if not experimental, sweetheart,” he reassured her, wiggling his eyebrows as he smirked. “Let’s do this.”

She smiled briefly before she shifted closer to him. “Okay…”

She brought the item in her hand up to her face, opening her mouth and dragging the length of the plug against her tongue, sucking softly as she continued the slow pace of her fingers in and out of the puckered hole. She pulled it out of her mouth as the same time she removed her fingers, bringing it down between the globes of his ass. She watched him shift against the sheets as she inserted it, gently, giving him time to get used to the feeling until it was completely buried inside.

He groaned, the sound turning into a rough chuckle as he choked. “Fuck.”

“How does it feel?” she asked, softly, worried that he might be regretting the idea to do this.

“It’s uh… it’s different,” he grunted, his eyebrows creased as he looked back at her.

Before she got a chance to speak, his facial expression eased, the initial discomfort giving way to pleasure. His eyes sparkled with a new glint, and she knew they were going to have a great time exploring that.

“Good different?” she questioned, biting her lip as she saw his face.

“Oh yeah,” he whispered, smirking.

She beamed as she shifted back, letting him turn onto his back, a soft growl escaping him as the plug moved within him. She straddled him, her hands pressed into his chest as she leaned down, kissing him sensually. He breathed deeply as she pulled away, their darkened eyes meeting as they smiled at each other. Something was changing between them, and that should’ve been scary, but their complete trust in each other outweighed that.

“This is gonna be so much fun.”