#but man i sometimes feel so shit about it :/

[vaguely-concerned]

The Wigmaker Job Reread thoughts

Feat. numerous bonus general Dellamorte boys thinky thoughts, because I can’t help myself when this particular brain state comes over me I will just. keep writing.*

SO I'm rereading The Wigmaker Job and folks, I uh. think Lucanis asked Illario to come along on this job mostly because he's incredibly lonely lmao. Not entirely sure he's recognized this himself and completely sure he would not have the language, ability or instinct to convey this to Illario in a coherent way if he did, but I really do think that's what it is. (He certainly doesn’t make it easy for Illario to actually pitch in meaningfully on the job itself at any point that’s for sure!) And what’s more, I think Illario does realize it, better than Lucanis himself… and did decide to go along with it, huh. I’ll try to show my work a bit later on in the post but for now, we have a lot of rambling ground to cover, let’s get going! 

(Obligatory disclaimer that these are just my personal impressions and reflections slash barely hinged stream of consciousness and if your read on something is different that is totally fine; as usual I am mostly talking out loud trying to explain to myself what the hell I’m thinking more than anything else lol. I’m going to be touching lightly on themes of suicidal ideation and child abuse in this, but only to the extent that is already present in the short story itself. I’ll mostly skirt around the body horror elements too, if those get to you!)

— “The man who’s taken the contract is no ordinary Crow,” Felicia explained, careful to keep her voice steady. 

Ambrose uncorked the wine with a wave of his hand and began pouring it into a crystal decanter. 

“He’s Lucanis Dellamorte.” 

The bottle clanged against the crystal. A crack splintered down the glass. 

“Ah.” Goose bumps pebbled the Wigmaker’s neck. He set the decanter back on the counter and sighed. “Shit.” 

*** 

In an unassuming inn, on an unassuming road, Lucanis Dellamorte sat with a whetstone in hand, his favorite sword resting across his knees. The monotonous movement of grinding stone against metal soothed him. Seven daggers of various size and shape lay polished and glistening on a rough wool blanket at his feet.

The opening mood whiplash of Lucanis’ name being spoken only in hushed voices among the Venatori, smash cut to Lucanis sitting there peacefully sharpening his knives (this is genuinely and unironically what he does for fun. This is his idea of a good time outside of work. Give him a cup of coffee to go along with it and his day is perfect. He’s been contentedly sharpening seven daggers and a sword while Illario gets dressed. Sometimes his attraction to Viago ‘I’m going to make a spreadsheet about who to kill about this I find that relaxes me’ de Riva makes so much sense to me.)? Of course amazing the first time around, but coming back to it now that I like. Know him. No actually that is exactly who and what he is huh got it in one fhsdkj. He’s wearing a sensible neutral toned knitted sweater beneath his brooding hotboi leathers and this is what you need to understand about him.  

I wonder if we were originally going to get more of the Erimond family in the game itself, other than just the notes we do find. It’s not every day a family produces someone even Cole can’t find a good word to say about, it would be fascinating to see what else it’s capable of haha. 

— This whole description of Lucanis’ sensory hypersensitivity especially to sound (hypersensitivity, as we see later, that extends to magic, despite describing himself as being as magically adept as a brick, however that works!) taken together with his, I feel I must reiterate, sharpening his knives for fun… I know diagnosing fictional characters is a flawed premise at the outset but as far as I’m concerned and with a whole game to add to my evidence pile this man is SO autistic and if you read him through that lens it does explain some things hahaha. 

— “Any excuse to primp.” 

“Hey—I’m only here because of you,” Illario grumbled. “We should be halfway home right now. Only ‘the Great Lucanis Dellamorte’ could delay a summons from the First Talon herself.”

Lucanis set his sword aside. Illario was generally thick-skinned— except when it came to their grandmother. “Caterina can hardly complain. She’s the one who beat into me my commitment to contracts.” 

Memories of sweat-filled days without food or water came unbidden. Lucanis’s back tingled from where his grandmother’s cane had bruised his flesh for letting his guard down or fumbling his footwork. For years, he’d hated her. But his time as a Master Assassin had since taught Lucanis that Caterina’s cruelty was her way of making sure that he was prepared for this life—that he survived. 

“All that effort training and grooming us, and the old woman still won’t step aside.” Beneath the bitterness in Illario’s tone was something rotten. 

“Your time will come,” Lucanis assured him. 

“Will it?” Illario’s piercing gaze met Lucanis’s in the mirror. “People talk. You’ve always been her favorite.” 

He’d heard the rumors. For all their secrets and intrigue, the Antivan Crows were a chatty bunch. 

“My talents lie elsewhere,” Lucanis said, gesturing toward the arsenal around him. “You’re the one with the silver tongue.” 

“So, if she named you heir to House Dellamorte, you’d refuse?” Lucanis opened his mouth to respond, when he realized someone was creeping up the stairs.

. . . 

“Lucanis?” Illario pressed. 

He held up a hand and clutched the worn leather grip of his sword. Illario’s pretty-boy mask slipped as a coldness flooded his features. A retractable dagger shot out from under his sleeve.

Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that — etc. but I want this exchange here in its entirety for stuff I’ll talk about later and also hey what the hell and so on. So much going on here. Lucanis’ acts of quiet rebellion by means of a sort of malicious compliance/competence — he’s following Caterina’s teachings to the letter and getting to have some in the spirit room left over for himself. He’s found a loophole to put off going home to something he dreads in an elegant practiced way, I definitely think this is a tactic he’s employed before.to claim some bits and pieces of agency. ‘How can she complain that I’m exactly what she taught me to be?’ suppressed anger/resentment under there. 

The fact that Caterina still hasn’t named either of them as heir at this point continues to be insane, of course, as is the fact that her blatant favoritism is a matter of public knowledge to the point of ‘As you know, Bob —’ connotations and neither of them even thinking to pretend to deny it. Wild shit. If she wanted to create an environment for seething toxic resentment, she couldn’t have done it better if she’d dedicated her life to nothing else lmao. Illario: I think I should be First Talon! Lucanis: I agree (please don’t make me talk to people)! Caterina: Isn’t there someone you forgot to ask? (Would Illario make a good First Talon? I don’t know, what does that even mean, really. But as has been said many a time before it would have been a much more natural use of their skillsets and natural inclinations to have Illario in the people-facing role and Lucanis to watch his back/stab anyone who disagrees, especially if what you’re after is stability. Oh well.) 

The special element of humiliation that it is a matter of public knowledge and tactical consideration across town that you’re the least favorite child… Illario’s obsession with winning the public opinion and being able to control his own image to the outside world is ah. Perhaps understandable.

Many thoughts and feelings about how they’ve individually made sense of/created narratives around the abuse in their upbringing. I didn’t end up going that deeply into that specifically in this post but it is an incredibly important element of their relationship. 

They come back to having this conversation again at the end — everything in this story right down to the structure of it is Lucanis desperately trying to avoid something and finding it implacably still there waiting for him no matter what he does. He’s playing for time as best he can and pretending that if he doesn’t think about it it won’t happen and he won’t have to deal with it, but no matter what happens in between it will be waiting for him at the end — Illario is not letting this go, and neither is Caterina. We open with it, and we close with it; it’s inevitable no matter how you bargain or try to go for the ‘well if I’m real lucky I could just die before that becomes relevant!’ gambit. Oof. Sorry Lucanis this isn’t something you can solve through stabbing no matter how good you are at it I know that’s terrible news for you but here we are my sincerest condolences 

— So cute to see their little double act of casual smalltalk/bickering as a diversion in action already here, in exactly the same way they break it out during the café meeting in Veilguard! Courtney Woods is really good at moments of establishing character like this, showing both the brewing conflict between them and how well they know each other and the ways they can wordlessly communicate because of it all in one scene. How unspeakably comfortable and uncomfortable they are together in ways only family can manage to be haha. 

— Illario complaining that Lucanis let him get a whole outfit made thinking they were actually going to the party and mentioning how long they (not he, they, Lucanis came along for all of that) were at the tailor’s (Lucanis, implied to be very dryly: “I recall.”)... listen. Especially once you hear the banter in the Treviso market about how Lucanis once sat around waiting for six hours while Illario tried on gloves to find exactly the right pair — that is clearly Lucanis making gentle fun of him, but he is also inadvertently revealing something about himself in that he stayed for six hours to keep Illario company through that. I think coming along on shopping trips where he knows nothing is expected of him except to hang out, make light snarky comments when asked for his opinion and wait might kind of be Lucanis’ idea of a good time socially hahaha. Nr. 1 shopping wingman in Thedas. His main ‘I’ll follow you to hell and back with only light complaining’ arena for Illario. This is part of the pattern of not telling Illario the whole plan and deliberately keeping him continually on the backfoot during this whole story — which clearly, not fair to him and not a great look, Lucanis, you’re not being very nice — but I feel like this is also another entry in the pattern of Lucanis desperately craving company and not quite knowing how to ask for it nor perhaps realizing that’s what he’s up to. Also I get the sense he thinks Illario finds getting ready for missions like this and picking out what to wear fun. Which to be fair he’s probably right about, if he just didn’t also go out of his way to make Illario feel like an idiot in the process lmao. 

— At the bottom, they found an elf in a scarlet coat guarding a large steel door. She greeted Lucanis with a cordial smile. “Master Dellamorte. And . . .” 

Her friendly façade faltered as she spotted Illario. 

“Master Dellamorte the Lesser,” Illario offered with a grin. 

“My cousin,” Lucanis clarified. 

Appeased, the elf asked, “Where does your business take you tonight?”

If you wear your self-loathing and resentment on your sleeve for long enough while everyone around you ignores it as a joke it becomes an accessory! And other Illario Dellamorte hot fashion tips in this edition of Treviso Weekly. Fhdskjas the things these two motherfuckers say that they consider completely normal and sane things to say — to each other and to say about themselves and each other in public… 

— Lucanis peeked over the side. No one looked up. One of the world’s greatest wonders is mundane to these people. 

“How do they get it to float?” Illario asked, tapping his boot tip against the aqueduct.

This is so quietly sweet to me. Illario does look up, because he is also a Crow. Courtney Woods is really good at creating these under-the-surface feelings — I love the small details she puts in to emphasize Illario and Lucanis connecting over their common background, over being two Antivans in Tevinter, in being Crows, in being Caterina’s grandsons. (...and also the places those connections fail or fall short. Ouch and owie.) At a point later in the story, Lucanis thinks to look up because he hears Illario’s voice in his head making a joke, reminding him. 

Moving in tandem, Lucanis and Illario dropped to their chests and shimmied to the edge overlooking the courtyard.

Lucanis seems to value these moments of connection through common experience because they don’t require him to speak or explain himself, which he clearly finds extremely hard to the point that he’d rather not even venture the attempt/doesn’t even know how to start. These are wordless ways he and Illario know each other, intimacy/connection that’s natural and effortless where that is clearly incredibly difficult for him in many other settings — body knowledge of another person’s company with the person he (thinks he) knows the best in the whole world, the most familiar and comforting presence in his life. They were boys together, they learned how to move together, they’ve eaten at the same table all their lives. In the Crossroads when he finds the smell of coffee and home there, it’s home because Illario was there with him. Hmghfsk. Agony. Suffering.

— “So, the Wigmaker.” Illario wiggled his fingers ominously. “Tell me about him.” 

“He’s weird,” Lucanis replied bluntly. He found the moments before a job crucial for focus, but Illario was never one for comfortable silence. 

“Specifics, cousin. No one hires us to kill normal people.” 

“I gave you a dossier.” 

“Yes, but I want your assessment.” 

“I wrote it. It is my assessment.” 

“Humor me.” 

Their dynamic in this is so heartbreaking to me in that like… okay this is going to be heavily vibes based and integrating some of the things we get to see of them in Veilguard so bear with me here while I try to explain this to myself. But what Illario is trying to do here is clearly to get Lucanis to engage with him outside of the professional sphere. Of all people in the world at this point in time, I think Illario is the one single person who best knows and also cares the most about Lucanis as a human being, not about what he can do for him. He loves his cousin, he wants to know what Lucanis is thinking, he wants to be engaged with him; he’s trying his fucking damnest to pick the locks to get to the person beneath the Crow, as it were! Maybe to a Lucanis he remembers from long ago, when they were children and the connection between them was effortless and open, not yet marred by all the ways trauma and the unequal dynamic enforced on them has forced them to shut parts of themselves down to survive. I feel there’s a where did you go that I couldn’t follow and when did it happen, why did you leave me here alone, come back sort of undertone to it, both here and in The Wake. As well as in Veilguard itself, come to that! ‘That is not my cousin, that is a demon, a stranger with his face’ is a sentiment that may, perhaps, have deeper roots than Lucanis popping back up from the grave like a jumpscare. Another metaphorical/emotional truth made mockingly literal, as it were, just like Lucanis’ Freeze response and deep sense of being a monster somehow in a way he can’t put his finger on is older than Spite or the Ossuary. (Zara thought making ‘the Demon of Vyrantium’ literal would be great value for shits and giggles, and this is also a Narrative Pattern in this corner of the story, the unspoken emotional metaphors in this fucked up little family heightened and made real through the literary device of magic. It’s good stuff. Veilguard does pretty solid work with metaphors overall, honestly.) 

Meanwhile Lucanis both seems to long for that connection too (there’s a reason he asked Illario to come along with him for this even though he refuses to like. Actually give him the information he needs to actively help out particularly effectively) AND to feel threatened/inadequate when Illario asks for it. I’m not sure he entirely knows how to give Illario the closeness he’s asking for anymore, and the pain both of not being able to give someone you love what they need from you and the feeling of something being fundamentally wrong with you that you can’t understand how to do that, as well as threatening the system of values Caterina has instilled in him so deep: the job always comes first, anything that could stop you from prioritizing that is dangerous, even love. (Especially love, you only get to keep that if you do your job perfectly first.) There’s also the resentment of ‘why are you asking me for more when I already tried to give you this information/closeness in a way I’m actually capable of, if only you’d be serious and pay attention for five minutes’, a feeling of not being understood or seen. A sort of I crave your company but every time I have it it only reveals how I’m fundamentally broken despair and stuckness as well, as we see the sort of fraught irreconcilably mixed emotions in all of Lucanis’ attachment relationships in Veilguard. 

Even at this stage, Lucanis’ is a psychology held together with workaholism and ‘I’ll just bottle this all up in here and then someday, on the bright side, if I’m lucky, I will die and not have to worry about it! If I can’t see it it can’t see me and it’ll be okay’ logic, and Illario’s attempts at breaking through, born of increasing desperation, love, and justified concern as they may be, are disruptive to those defensive structures and Lucanis instinctively rejects them. (Indeed, very much in the same way as Spite’s presence in Lucanis’ psyche works eventually, and eliciting the same initial reactions in him: avoidance, distaste, fear and anger. Davrin too refuses to stop poking and back off at subtler signs, and evokes a lot of the anger and rebellious little shitness for lack of a better word that Lucanis also has with Illario. Which I think ironically is also a sign that Lucanis kind of weirdly trusts him or at least trusts that he understands the parameters of their relationship clearly, it’s one of the few places he lets himself be openly angry right from the get go.) Thus the irritable pulling away/dismissiveness, and thus Illario’s (accurate tbf!) sense of rejection and dismissal and (I think inaccurate or at least incomplete) perception of Lucanis’ motivations for it. Though, again, who can blame him for reaching the conclusions he does with what Lucanis is able to give him to work with here. And so the misery carousel keeps going round and round.  

Illario and Spite speak the same truth to him: WE ARE TRAPPED. WE NEED TO GET OUT SOMEHOW OR IT’LL KILL US. (Inferred and indirect: HELP ME) And because Lucanis’ survival instincts naturally go towards Freeze, being asked for action of that specific kind is what he’s least able to deliver, because it’ll inevitably hurt someone he loves, no matter how he moves. So he just. Doesn’t. Rook finds Lucanis trapped in a chamber deep in his brain I think has existed in a less Fade-enhancedly literal form for much, much longer than the most recent barrage of trauma. The set dressing is new, the underlying logic is old and firmly established.

Lucanis’ instinct to keep the current patterns going as painlessly or numbly as possible, to ‘keep still’ and only work within the structures Caterina has set up for them — because in his mind a flawed yet stable status quo, yes, even a toxic one, is better than the risk of unbearable and irretrievable loss and chaos at its disruption, as they have in fact experienced before under traumatic circumstances — is incredibly destructive to the both of them, and it’s born out of an incredibly deep love and protectiveness. He’s trying to keep Illario safe, in exactly the same way he thinks he’s doing for everyone he cares about by staying in the Mind!Ossuary later, but it’s a child’s/survival instinct’s flawed logic and causing so much harm in the process. Logic that indeed is inherited from Caterina, whose solution to that same logic is what Lucanis is scrambling to protect Illario from the same way he tries to protect himself (if only Illario would understand that and stop rocking the fucking boat!!!, right…). Don’t struggle against the riptide, go limp, if you try to swim against it directly you’ll always lose. (And from Illario’s point of view: well, if you loved me you’d at least try, and not just wait for it to finish the job and finally drown us.) 

In this short story you can feel how they’re trying so hard to speak with each other in the only ways they know how, with the broken mangled tools Caterina left them with, and they can’t understand each other and very soon it’s going to be too late. I’m going to go lie down on the bottom of the ocean for ten thousand million billion years. 

— More observations of the patterns between them in this generally because it didn’t fit anywhere else lol: here’s the feeling I get. Illario makes bids for connection, Lucanis seems to bluntly brush him off even as we see from his internal dialogue just how fond he is of Illario — I think even some of the more dismissive comments he makes in his head is more along the lines of the affectionate amusement we see him have around people he cares about and their foibles in Veilguard too. If you listen to how he talks about Viago and Caterina especially, there’s that same laconic observation of their peculiarities as a part of how he loves them. HowEver. He and Illario do not have the tools or understanding to express to each other that ‘oof, no, that hit on something too tender, back off’, other than to try to jab back harder and sharper. And so resentments build and deepen on both sides without ever getting any outlets. A relationship where you don’t have the right or means to say ‘no’ is never going to be a healthy one, and saying ‘no’ is the one thing Caterina has most forbidden. In other relationships Lucanis solves this by creating distance internally — Caterina is in his inner world, but she’s the outermost lock, kept further away from his deepest self. He does not resent her ‘anymore’ (he says and probably thinks. I think he might ah. Have deferred it more than resolved it but that’s just me lol), but he has protected himself from her within the means he had to do it with and found a way to maintain his attachment to her in that state. And yet he is incapable of and/or unwilling to do that same process with Illario, to let go of the closeness he can maintain there. Illario is the innermost lock of his psyche, the person who has meant the most to him and as unguardedly as he’s capable of, who he’s held the closest all this time… even after finding out what he did. 

Illario is the safest, closest relationship he has… which also means that he is the one who gets parts of all the anger and resentment and frustration that cannot be there with Caterina in particular because that would be Dangerous Territory in a multitude of ways. I think Lucanis tries to mitigate this by more deliberately pouring that stuff into his job, but it’s still down there unresolved at the core, bubbling away, the fumes rising and infecting his interpersonal relationships in subtle ways. Even the ‘read the goddamn brief Illario’ move and refusing to budge is just another version of the malicious compliance/competence as rebellion that this whole mission is towards Caterina. (Unfortunately this is how it works sometimes when you’ve had to push things down that hard for that long; it comes out with the people we love the most and who deserve it the least.) And even then it’s mostly in undercurrents moving beneath the surface— it’s something that happens in an obfuscated and buried enough way that you can’t simply break it open all at once and let air in to stop the wounds from festering. If Illario did try to bring it up directly, I do not think Lucanis at this point would be capable of staying with it, he would flinch away and dissociate/freeze and deny it was even a thing at all (be unable to recognize it as a thing at all). And Illario clearly knows this too — you get the feeling that he’s been trying and trying and trying to get through here and found no way. He’s at the end of his rope, and not just about the First Talon conundrum.

Whenever they are speaking to each other, they are also speaking to Caterina through each other because you can’t really bargain with God directly (especially one that’s known to be a wrathful god given the provocation), but there’s enough of her and her meanings fused into you over the years that it’s almost the same thing when you talk. And sometimes it’s hard to see past her to your brother actually standing there with you.   

I’m going to SCREAM Lucanis loves Illario so much that he would prefer to die, would condemn himself to hell in his own mind forever rather than face having to lose him or deliberately harm him, AND YET!!!! AND STILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! He is letting him down and leaving him behind and making him feel small and stupid in ways so incredibly profound and sad without even realizing it all the time. No one in this family has ever been equipped to talk about anything ever and I doubt they’re about to start now and I need to tear into something with my TEETH

Anyway. Breakdown over, on with our regularly scheduled tevinter nights reread post with slightly less anguish lol. 

— [Lucanis] clapped a hand over the mage’s mouth and slammed his skull against the wall. “Knock it off.

What does he have to go and be so casually funny for at all times. The undisputed master of the perfectly tuned in levels of comedic mild exasperation. Stop stop I already love him. 

— Illario waited with a chair and rope. 

“Sit down.” He beamed. “Enjoy a little Antivan hospitality.” 

While his cousin secured their prisoner’s bindings, Lucanis retrieved his sword from the wall. e mage was coming to. His unfocused eyes took stock of his situation. 

“I won’t talk,” he spat. “Even if you torture me.” 

“I’m too busy to torture you,” Lucanis said, and ran him through with his sword. 

. . .

Illario frowned. “If I’d known you were just going to kill him, I wouldn’t’ve put so much effort into the knots.” 

“Check his pockets.” 

“Ah—” Illario said, pulling a scroll from the mage’s jacket. “Found something.” 

The seal was broken, but the imprint of two dragons was still visible in the wax. “Venatori.”

 “Thought as much. What’s it say?” 

Illario unrolled the parchment and scanned the page. “‘Gallant brothers and sisters . . . In our veins runs true Tevinter blood, passed down from the dreamers—’” Illario’s head snapped up as Lucanis began pulling his sword from the mage’s chest. “ Careful! Remember the tanner job? You ruined my best shirt.” 

Lucanis smirked and continued extracting the blade. 

Illario took two wary steps back, then continued reading.

Unfortunately I do love it when Lucanis is a troll fhsdkj 

— Lucanis’ inner logic that he can buy the tiniest sliver of autonomy and meaning by consistently offering up a sacrifice of perfection — that’s the silent deal he’s struck with Caterina, an exchange she’ll accept as long as he doesn’t try to get too clever with it, and his subsequent panic in Veilguard when he’s too worn down to be able to perform to perfection anymore (and with that, in this internal logic, goes his right to autonomy or freedom)……….. He really does make me so so SO sad. He needed so much therapy even before the Ossuary. Some deeply entrenched ideas about the basic transactionality in even the closest relationships here. (Where I think Illario is kind of his exception to. That’s an assumed mutual unconditional love even when some terms and conditions probably would be in order actually situation for him.) 

Also I think this is a useful look at how the Crows operating on ‘might makes right’ lines could be harnessed if you’re of a mind — basically anything goes, as long as you’re good enough to get away with it and/or don’t step on enough toes that the rest of the crab bucket momentarily team up to tear you down. And Lucanis chose to use that little loophole to go ‘well you see I’d sort of like to get to be kind sometimes actually’. Which, y’know. Eccentric for a Crow, to be sure, but are you going to be the one to tell the Demon of Vyrantium himself, Caterina Dellamorte’s most speacialest and scariest little murderboy, that he can’t keep protecting servants of the households he hits because it’s making the whole team look kind of soft??? The whole business runs on ‘I’m bigger and stronger than you so don’t try any shit’, and Lucanis has successfully built up the image of being bigger and stronger than anyone who’d think to try any shit well enough to get away with it, as Caterina has achieved for their house overall. (It’s not like him sparing witnesses gets in the way of the interest of other houses or anything anyway, he’s creating potential trouble for himself more than for anyone else which I hardly think anyone would feel compelled to protest against. If it’d been something that threatened anyone else’s bottom line, a completely different story, but I think Lucanis understands the system well enough to know where he can get away with it.) And again, all he has to do to earn it is to deliver unflinching inhuman perfection at all times! So that’s not a stressful set of psychological parameters to have to function under at all, especially when you feel yourself start to fail as you’re falling apart after horrible new waves of trauma lmao

Which I think is partially also what the ‘You think I’m not good enough?’/’Are you?’ exchange is about — it’s an extremely unhelpful and mean thing to say the way he does (especially in front of other people! Other people who, to Illario, are basically strangers!), but it’s also said out of howling protectiveness and a deep recognition of this stark truth. You can get away with it if you’re good enough, and if you’re not good enough you’re dead. Something Lucanis is blithely ready to risk his own life on all the time for perfect strangers, and is completely unwilling to accept when it comes to Illario’s life! Lucanis’ love has that light element of  possessiveness/proprietariness to it from time to time — the ‘he is ours’ sentiment that both he and Spite maintain for Illario in love and in hate. I have a lot of sympathy for it because it obviously comes from a place of painfully earnest love and fear in someone who has lost people in horrible ways at a young age, but there is something paternalistic in that protectiveness too, a lack of trust in Illario to take care of himself and willingness to cross lines in Illario’s own autonomy to ensure that he’s safe. (Not healthy or anything but considering the shit Illario pulls in this game… a little bit of can you fucking blame him I’d be three seconds away from an ulcer about it at all times too going on here haha). ‘It’s okay if you don’t agree or don’t forgive me afterwards, it’s all worth it if it means you’re safe, if it means you’ll survive’. Sins of the grandma dude. Sins of the grandma. The generational trauma starts coming and it won’t stop coming. 

— I also think it’s relevant that Lucanis can count on some things from Caterina consistently, as long as he upholds his part of the ‘deal’ between them to be her perfect poor boy slash best knife who’ll never let her down. However devastating the cost of her regard and support is, it’s only Illario who’s left completely to fend for himself in this family dynamic. A little bit of what the fuck does he have to lose going on here. Lucanis, I suppose. For a long he has Lucanis to lose, but Lucanis is starting to act an awful lot like he’s not that invested in living too much longer. So where does that leave you if you’re Illario. With a very dumb plan that was never going to work, apparently. 

— While hunting his mark, Lucanis had opened the wrong door and walked into an orgy. Getting out of that had been interesting.

Nothing of substance to add here except that the mental image is hysterical, of course, and only more so after having a whole game to get to know him. Also this is just my personal read but I don’t think Lucanis would use seduction, even as a tactic on a job, by choice — my feeling is that his act as a servant in Vows and Vengeance would be more indicative of the social stealth skills he’d use when that’s what gets him where he needs to be. (Very tired service worker towards the end of their shift might in fact be the role he was born to play he has exactly the vibes for it.) 

A good assassin knows his tools, and I think Lucanis realizes that flirting, even in a professional capacity as it were, is one of his blunter and more inflexible ones and so mostly wouldn’t use it haha. If he understood someone to be attracted to him in a way that required nothing much of him actively and would somehow aid the job I’m sure he’d use the opportunity it provided well enough, don’t get me wrong, but I just don’t believe it’d ever occur to him to go there as an opening move. The theoretical understanding is mostly there, the practical application… maybe less so. He knows he’s not very good at it and so wouldn’t rely on it if he could help it; that’s Illario’s sandbox to play in. Again this is just my personal opinion, so feel free to disagree of course, I know people have a range of reads on this element.  

— His skull felt raw. The backs of his eyeballs itched like he hadn’t blinked in days. Whatever magic Ambrose was using for his creations was tearing at the seams of the Veil. 

“Something’s wrong.” 

“Yeah,” Illario agreed, zeroing in on a group of half-dressed revelers, “we’re up here, away from the fun.” 

Lucanis snapped his fingers in front of his cousin’s face. “Focus.” 

“I am.” 

“On the job.” 

“To be fair, you never told me the plan.” 

Lucanis shrugged. “Find Ambrose. Slit his throat.” 

“Sounds complicated.” 

“It will be. The Veil’s thin here. Thinner than I expected.” He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “One wrong spell and this place will be swarming with demons.” 

“Then let’s kill the bastard and scram. I want to see what this city has to offer.” 

“Our ship sails at dawn.” 

Illario waved a dismissive hand. “Plenty of time for some good, old fashioned debauch—” 

“I see him,” Lucanis interrupted.

Lucanis does this really nasty thing with Illario where he first pushes him away and then punishes him for being disengaged with him/what they’re doing, or asks him for something he then rejects when he gets it. (I think he has some of this pattern in other relationships too but without the punishment or idk… familiarity/presumptiveness/feeling of natural entitlement to their attention part. Illario is his brother, the attachment there is safe/established enough that the part of him that doesn’t think he’s worth someone’s attention doesn’t kick in as it does in pretty much every other relationship. He’d never blame Rook or any of the Lighthouse crew for pulling away from him that same way, that’s a deep well of ‘well yeah valid I also don’t really want to have anything to do with me tbf :/’ self-loathing waiting to open up, ‘protecting’ him from making a presumption like that or imaging himself to have rights or worth interpersonally in basically any other context or relationship at the outset. But with Illario the love is always assumed. Both ways. You have a right to me on that level, and I have the right to you. The only person he takes for granted. Because that’s family. Oh boy.) 

See also: the way he barely acknowledges Illario greeting him when he comes back from the Ossuary and more crucially as far as Lucanis might expect Illario’s perspective to be beneath any repressed suspicions, from the dead — very understandably so, considering the Dire mood and implications and ‘...where’s Caterina’ of it all, but it’s also a larger pattern he has. I think he feels such deep love for Illario that he doesn’t quite get that he also has to like. Show that deep love for it to be understood by the other party. And it sure comes across as very dismissive from the outside, or if a person is perhaps primed to have that insecurity already by the entrenched family dynamics at play. Oh boy 2 electric boogaloo. 

Buddy you are setting the person you love the most up to lose again and again and again… and it would break his heart to truly realize that, probably, but I don’t know if he’d know how to stop doing it, either. 

This seems to be all completely subconscious, to be clear. These are clearly patterns established from when they were extremely young, and it’s hard for fish to conceptualize being surrounded by water other than when the absence of it leaves them gasping and dying, I suppose.

Shallower thought: So Lucanis is also not clean-shaven here! Probably a more casual didn’t bother to shave/not quite as meticulously maintained five o’clock shadow going on as with Illario, but perhaps a tiny bit of the pot calling the kettle black here, Mr. Lucanis ‘long black leather overcoat’ Dellamorte isn’t unconcerned with looking cool, in his more restrained way. (As we all know ‘looking cool’ is the foundational base of a Crow’s Maslow’s pyramid of needs to the point that Spite went ‘can do!’ immediately upon contact with Lucanis’ soul and never stopped dhfkjs.)

— “They’re never what you envision, are they?” Illario noted. 

“What did you expect?” 

“Hair, for one. Maybe a funny little dog.” 

That got a chuckle out of Lucanis, if only briefly.

The thing is that I love these two dumbasses so incredibly much. You see. This exchange of funny little observations is a huge part of how Lucanis interacts with Rook especially out on missions too, you can see where his patterns for having close relationships come from. Also restating my point from other metas that Lucanis seems to come alive a bit with collaborative humour, that’s clearly a social dynamic he finds soothing and also engaging, a way he knows how to take an outstretched hand. Since that seems to come from his relationship with Illario when it’s at its best… pain and suffering in my heart again needless to say

— Lucanis pays a lot of attention to people’s clothes and is very good at understanding what they’re trying to signal with their outfits. Overall he’s excellent at understanding people’s ways of thinking in the abstract/from a distance, as long as he doesn’t have to interact with them directly and interpersonally. Because then he falls to absolute pieces under the slightest pressure and runs. Again the best my particular brand of autism representation probably not even meant to be representation I’ve ever seen lol. 

— Camille had just taken a sip of watered-down mulsum, when a handsome stranger grabbed her glass and downed the rest. 

“Excuse me!” she exclaimed. The party drowned out her words, but Lucanis could still read her lips. “That’s my drink.” 

Illario simply smiled. “Guess I’ll have to buy you another.” 

Lucanis groaned—not only at the line, but that it worked. Even from his position, he could see Camille was hooked. He shouldn’t be surprised. This was old hat for Illario. But it was always amazing to see what one man’s smile could accomplish.

Lucanis’ mildly baffled and somewhat begrudging admiration for Illario’s social skills is so funny. As far as he’s concerned this is some kind of black magic beyond his ken. It must be a bit of pretty privilege involved in this case tho because what the fuck how did that land. Hey whatever works Illario you spent all that time on your outfit for a reason never let anyone tell you your slutty little unbuttoned shirt isn’t serving a tactical purpose I’m not about to tell you how to do your job

the fact that Illario is in fact a very good Crow. he's just not Lucanis. that's his original sin huh. never getting away from that one.

— Do u think Illario’s move with putting the keys on the tray instead of pocketing them and going back to Lucanis is maybe one of his small spiteful acts of rebellion. Ah. Family traditions. Truly they bind us together. 

— The Lucanis in this story is so much more… contained than the Lucanis we get to meet in the game, for good or ill. In Veilguard he is constantly fraying at the seams and cracking open under all the pressure he’s under, which for sure and of course is Not Great and causes him a lot of pain and distress — but also the whole that’s how the light gets in etc. thing, it also means it’s easier for things to find their way in to him and for him to let things out. Meanwhile here, there’s more the sense of immense tension —  a harder, more determined/deliberate lack of being able to move than the total helplessness of being stuck in the mind!Ossuary, but with some of the same quality. Illario tries to get in to find him and in his way I really do think Lucanis is trying to reach out to Illario as well as he knows how, but there’s a rigidness there that stops anything from really getting through or changing. Illario’s guilt trip letter after Sea of Blood saying that control is the quality he’s always most associated with Lucanis makes a lot of sense when you read this short story, even though I think Illario is mistaking ‘control’ for ‘deadening anything too vulnerable or ‘frivolous’ until I’m just a tool that can do a job’. That letter is transparently Illario deliberately pressing down on a bruise he knows to be tender, but it feels like there’s some kernel of truth to it beneath that which makes the sting all the worse. 

— Up ahead, Lucanis spied the servants’ entrance. If he could reach it, there was just enough space to wedge his body into the covered niche above the door. Not easily, of course, but nothing ever was. 

*Resigned Lucanis voice* Nothing is ever easy. (He does literally say this word for word in one of Bellara’s quests, and in exactly the tone you’d expect haha. He is my favourite person of all time)

— Lucanis thought about securing the entrance—leaving it unlocked could raise suspicion—but chose not to in case Illario decided to work tonight. He could already hear his cousin’s honeyed excuses— But seducing a beautiful woman is work! He snorted and pushed farther inside.

I do believe a certain amount of affectionate dunking is part of Lucanis’ love language and it’s too bad that’s kind of become a sore point/unequal power balance between him and Illario because it is frequently so funny fhdakj. Also kind of sweet to see the precedent for Lucanis sort of… keeping people he loves in his head like this, the locks in Inner Demons are clearly literalizations of a process he already sort of does naturally. He listens to the Illario and Caterina in his head multiple times during this story. I’m repeating my ‘this man is so desperately lonely in a way he doesn’t know how to solve’ point for emphasis. A common affliction in many of the Veilguard main cast, Solas of course being the most egregious and ongoing example. This game has Themes and it’s sticking to them haha <3<3<3 

— The cold opulence of the place reminded Lucanis of a Chantry rather than a home. 

Very interesting observation, now that we’ve seen Villa Dellamorte for ourselves! Is all I’ll say. (*Spite voice* Home? …Smells like linseed oil and dust)

Atlases bearing the visages of past Archons held up vaulted ceilings glittering with mosaic depictions of Tevinter’s golden age. The cost of such a commission must have been astronomical—both in coin and lives. How many slaves had gone blind gilding each individual tile? How many backs had been broken from hauling and placing stone after stone? 

There was patriotism and there was obsession. Neither was worth it.

Again. Very interesting observations from a man raised in a mansion built on spilled blood and with Crow decorations anywhere you turn right down to the wallpaper haha. Tevinter/specifically the Venatori lets him indulge in some ‘clean’ anger and disdain that he can’t have back home because it’s, y’know. Home. He may not have a lot of illusions about the Crows, but he also is deeply bound to them. Lucanis will sublimate his anger into ANYTHING including turning it on himself before he lets it touch something he loves. 

— Brief detour away from the general/worldstate agnostic approach of this post to my personal shenanigans, but…. Lucanis ‘breaking into morbid nursery rhymes internally while on a murder spree’ Dellamorte 🤝 Ellaryen ‘absent-mindedly reciting funeral rites in his head in the middle of a fight to keep his rhythm and also start to get it out of the way ASAP while people fall like flies around him’ Ingellvar. Made for each other, truly. 

— Too bad we never got to see Lucanis using a garotte in the main game, that’s clearly one of his go-tos normally. I suppose trying to do stealth sections with Taash on the team is a tall order even for Lucanis Dellamorte. The Crows AXE their regards!!! ]>:D

— The dead weight of the first man pulled the second one up until they both hung around the limestone Archon’s nape like a loose cravat.

Once more, I love Courtney Wood’s writing style. What a mental image. The tone of light comedy as Lucanis 9-5s his way patiently through all these guards is pitch perfect. 

— Spread out. Lucanis mouthed the words as the guard gave the order.

This dude really is out here doing his job like it’s a video game level he’s done a hundred times before hahaha. He’d be skipping dialogue and sequence breaking all over the place if he could. (Speedrunner Lucanis for modern AU, there’s a concept anyone can have for free that’s hilarious. He does cooking videos, knife maintenance videos and insane video game speedruns interchangeably on his channel and never speaks a single word nor leaves a note through text in any of them god bless. He has three followers no update schedule goes years without making a video and has never spoken to anyone online. He is my babygirl.) 

— One for silence.

Two for surprise.

Three for good measure.

Four’s exercise.

Five for a slaughter. 

Six for the thrill.

Seven means more sovereigns.

“Eight marks the final kill,” Illario said, coming to stand next to him.

The whole nursery rhyme, and Illario coming in with the unspeakably sinister final line here, considering what we know happens not even that long after this job! Again the connection there is between them, though — they were thinking about the exact same thing, counting it out with the same old remembered words. 

“Do you still recite that old nursery rhyme? The one Caterina made us memorize during training?”

Lucanis moved to retrieve his throwing knives. “What can I say? It’s catchy.” 

“That’s a word for it.” Illario glanced at the swaying guards overhead. “You know, if the Vints ever learn to look up, you’re screwed.” 

“They’d have to stop looking down their noses.” He narrowed his eyes. “Your tunic’s rumpled.” 

Illario flashed a sheepish grin. “You weren’t the only one tussling with guards.” 

“Tussling, huh?” Lucanis shook his head. “That’s a word for it.” 

“I’m happy to kiss and tell, but shouldn’t we do something about this?” Illario wrinkled his nose and nodded toward the sticky fluid seeping out from underneath the slain guards.

My nebulous vibe has always been that they’re basically the same age with Lucanis a tiny bit older, but IMMENSE younger sibling little shit energy from him in this moment fhdksfas glorious. Sheepish grin is also a very fun look on Illario I wish they’d leaned in a bit more on that capacity for him in-game. If he read as more calculatedly bumbling it’d change some of the scenes a lot in terms of feeling, I think 

— “Never known you to have a soft heart,” Illario muttered. 

Lucanis’s right cheek muscle twitched. “She won’t talk.” 

“This isn’t Antiva. We’re not heroes here.” 

“We’re not heroes anywhere, cousin.” 

Illario rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. The Venatori already have your name. If they learn your face—” 

“I’ll grow a beard.” Lucanis smirked. “They’ll never see me coming.” 

Illario’s frustration deflated. He grinned reluctantly. “That cavalier attitude’s going to get you killed.” 

Lucanis turned the key until the bolt unlatched. “It’s served me well so far.”

a) so it’s Illario who’ll refuse to take things seriously if he doesn’t feel like it, is it, Lucanis lol, b) ‘I’ll grow a beard’ :’) well. He did. Do you think Illario thinks about that every time he looks at him now, c) owie owie owie the foreshadowing 

I think being a hero is not important to Lucanis at all, being a professional/being able to do the job is. (Being the perfect professional buys him getting to do hero things when his heart calls him to, but the role of hero itself is clearly not a priority or something he particularly wants.) 

Lucanis clearly mostly works alone — I wonder how often Illario has come along before. We know he has pulled ‘soft heart’ moves before this, from in-game banter, but probably without Crow witnesses. How much does even Caterina know about? Might be some proof in the pile of how much he trusts Illario that he’s so blatant about it here. 

— Lucanis gestured for Illario to follow as he slipped through the entryway. They stood for a moment, quiet and still, allowing their eyes to adjust. Ten paces ahead, a stairwell materialized in the shadows. eir descent was slow going. Wrought iron made for easy creaks and groans. Each step was a test of patience—and balance. Lucanis went first, showing Illario where to place his feet.

And 

“He was my cousin, but we were more like brothers, really. Always getting himself into every sort of trouble. And I was always right behind him, you know? Always.” Illario’s voice suddenly grew thick with emotion. “Now there’s nobody for me to follow.” (From The Wake)

:) ahahaha. Ha. 

Both of them independently using the ‘but we’re more like brothers’ phrasing exactly the same way too. Alright. Okay. I’m fine

— All at once, the room became aware strangers were present. One by one, they moaned a horrifying chorus of despair. Lucanis stumbled back, his mouth dry. Something inside snapped. Death’s too good for this bastard. 

Illario touched his arm. Only then did Lucanis realize how quickly he was breathing. He closed his eyes. Remember your training , he told himself, and suddenly, he could hear the tapping of his grandmother’s cane, the hard elegance of her voice. There is no place for emotion in killing. It’s sloppy. File it down. Make it useful.

Illario being able to notice Lucanis being incredibly upset when he’s too overwhelmed to register/be aware of it himself and bringing him back to himself with nothing more than a touch to the arm is not devastating to me at all. It’s fine. In Inner Demons, even Viago and Teia fail to recognize that Lucanis is about to come completely apart psychologically, but again… I think Illario really does know his cousin better than anyone in a lot of ways. (And less than anyone in other ways, but hey, that’s family for ya lol) 

Make it useful, he repeated to himself. With slow, controlled breaths, Lucanis flushed the rage pumping through his veins until he could think clearly. 

I’m actually so happy they went away from focusing on the concept of wrath/passion as the touchstone for Lucanis’ character and angled it more towards the interpersonal issues he has with anger and with his sense of self than his rage at cruelty and injustice like this — that starts to step on the toes of Anders’ narrative space as a bisexual possessed disaster without bringing anything particularly new to the equation, which would have been a shame. Also as I’ve made no secret of I love what they are doing with him in the game SO MUCH I can turn him gently around to gaze at him forever 

— “What are you doing?” Illario whispered. 

“Breaking their shackles.” 

Illario stared. “That’s not the job.” 

“Fuck the job.” 

I think Illario is the only person Lucanis would ever say that in front of at this point. (See also: his point about honesty in their line of work towards the end.) This is a BIG admission from him, that there could be anything more important than the work Caterina raised them to — than Caterina’s approval and recognition. And what a horrible hurt that must be for Illario — ‘you’re willing to risk incurring Caterina’s wrath for total strangers on a whim, and yet not for me??’. (They both seem to recognize that death is secondary as a motivator here, Lucanis would rather die than let Caterina down, that’s the easy way out, and he’s putting that on the table frfr with the shit he’s pulling here.) Also part of what makes Illario fear Lucanis is rapidly spiralling/hurtling towards the edge of a cliff, probably, this acting on impulse is clearly not an everyday sort of thing for him. We know he’s made decisions of his own on jobs before, but probably not on this scale/in front of another Crow. 

There’s going to be room for so much ‘...why could you change for them and not for me? (why are they worth choosing to live for, and I wasn’t?)’ hurt on Illario’s side towards Rook and the Lighthouse crew after the events of the game. Maybe not as much on the Minrathous route, but even there. Like he doesn’t have much of a right to that after pulling the attempted fratricide card (that’s going to be the refrain of the rest of Illario’s life huh :’) entirely self-inflicted yet awful to have to live with; the Illario Dellamorte post Veilguard story), which only makes it worse to contemplate! Fun times in viddy games.  

— A+ body horror writing going on here, of course, hate every single thing about this thanks for asking!

—To his right, Lucanis sensed Illario readying his dagger. He gently grabbed his cousin’s wrist and shook his head. Illario gawked at him, his jaw clenched. 

The Wigmaker began the walk back toward the stairs. A groaning lament followed as he passed. When he was close enough to touch, Illario tensed—as if to lunge forward. Lucanis tightened his hold, his thumb finding the pressure point at the base of his wrist. The dagger fell from Illario’s grasp. Lucanis swiped it up before it clanged to the ground. 

What are you doing? Illario mouthed. 

Again, Lucanis motioned him to stand down. 

Once they heard Ambrose climb the stairs and close the door, Illario wrenched his arm free. 

“Have you lost your mind? We had him!” 

“He doesn’t deserve a quick death.” 

“Did you forget the mess you left upstairs? What do you think will happen when Ambrose finds his bodyguards slaughtered?” 

“Hopefully he panics. I want him scared.” 

“He’ll flee,” Illario asserted. “And this contract will be forfeit. Your life will be forfeit.”

Illario ‘cousin I am trying to have a fucking INTERVENTION with you here why am I more concerned about whether you live or die than you are!!!’ Dellamorte. His cousin is seemingly losing his fucking mind and playing with the one thing Caterina values above all and possibly would sacrifice even Lucanis for: the integrity of their House among the Crows. He’s seeing Lucanis determinedly, near methodically setting himself up for death no matter what path he ends up going down. This would be. Stressful. To have to witness, I imagine.

I do think Lucanis is passively suicidal in the way that he would vastly prefer to die on a job before he’d ever have to face the impossible choice that awaits them with the First Talon title back home — where he’s forced to let down either Caterina or Illario, possibly to spend the rest of his life on something he doesn’t want and might cost him his relationship with Illario, and is unable to deal with the thought of it so he just Avoids for all he’s worth. And he’s worth a lot that way. Which Illario clearly also recognizes and might be part of this freakout — having to watch your cousinbrother casually preparing to fall on his own sword for what seems like basically no fathomable reason (for these STRANGERS and not for me!!?!?!) and not be able to get through to him no matter what you try... you know. It’s kind of just a bad time all round for Illario too. He goes and chooses to do all the wrong things about it, of course, his talent for making everything worse in every way he possibly could is unparalleled (affectionate and derogatory), but I have a lot of empathy for where he’s coming from emotionally in a lot of ways. While you exist I’m nothing, and when you are gone I am nothing. And after you come back. Guess what. I’m still nothing. Imagine that. The Illario Dellamorte story. 

(Lucanis has also seen a lot of really horrible shit on the job lately, Venatori bullshit being what it is. That stuff must start to build up after a while, him finally snapping here makes a lot of sense.) 

— “Illario—” 

But the other Crow wasn’t finished. “I thought the plan was to have a few laughs, slit some throats—not release a demon swarm!” 

“Plans change,” Lucanis replied. His gloved palm covered the door handle. 

“Well, for the record, I preferred the other one.” 

“Noted.” 

Aw. This is my main proof that Illario does in fact understand the plea for company behind Lucanis asking him to come along on this job. Possibly better than Lucanis understands that himself, which could perhaps be. Exasperating to deal with — but he did also come along and with only light complaining etc. I umm. love them both. Some more musings about how Illario has clearly been the person most responsible for/involved in Lucanis having any kind of social life before Veilguard times: 

Comment Lucanis has around some more party districts of Minrathous in-game: “The nightlife was always more Illario's thing. He said I should get out more. Fulfilling Crow contracts didn't count.” (Illario is a terrible little fuckboy murderlad but consider what he’s had to deal with over the years…braver than any us marine etc. he’s been the one trying to convince Lucanis to take care of himself and maybe even have a good time at some point for like 20 years, a monumental task we know it takes a village/Lighthouse to make headway with. A man who has had to say ‘hey we should do something fun. No not a job with extra garrotting Lucanis Maker’s breath I was thinking a party or something’ more times than any of us have had hot dinners) 

+

Lucanis, trust me! Take this contract and we’ll be the toast of Treviso. Would I lead you astray? But I can imagine your face at that question. A better question, then: Would you truly leave me to my own devices? What would I do without you? Come, cousin, it will be just like last summer. I’ll buy the wine afterwards. —Illario

Letter we find in the room in Villa Dellamorte where it’s implied Illario has been staying since staging his little failcoup — it’s right across the hall from where he’s imprisoned his grandmother btw and I have a pet theory that it’s Lucanis’ old room. Illario Dellamorte what is wrong with you (so many things).

Illario has seemingly been drinking and reading this letter — this letter that Lucanis kept after receiving it, so Illario must have found it among his belongings at some point after his ‘death’ and has also kept it around ever since — in the same room where there’s a burned letter from Zara in the fireplace, even though the house is filled to the rafters with the Ventatori and trying to hide evidence of that connection is thus uh. Well it seems a bit late in the game to be worrying about that, is all I’m saying. It lends some credence to the idea that him crossing out Lucanis’ name in the family tree and scribbling ‘DEMON’ over it probably does carry some real emotional charge and isn’t just a tantrum/uncomplicated show of jealousy. 

So historically Illario has gone out of his way to spend time with Lucanis, and he seemingly is usually the one to reach out/take initiative in that? Lucanis clearly appreciates it — he kept that silly little letter (I am INCONSOLABLE about it btw), that comment he makes about the blight-beached boat in the Hossberg Wetlands that ‘Illario and I went on a sailing trip once. The boat ended up like that one, minus the blight (paraphrased yet very dear to me)’. Social connection is a need Illario has recognized in Lucanis before and offered even when Lucanis himself wouldn’t think to ask for it, is what I’m trying to say. I think. *sigh* listen you’ve gotten this far in the post hopefully you realize I am not entirely sure what I’m saying most of the time I’m trying to nail light to a wall here please have patience with me fhaskj

— Lucanis seems to navigate by sound a lot (which makes sense, considering how much of his job happens in the dark). Spite navigates mostly though a sense of (supernatural) smell. They’ve got a lot of eye imagery around them, but sight is not actually the most central sense for either of them. Nothing more coherent to add to that just observations haha 

— you ever think about the fact that despite everything caterina is ultimately unwilling to let go of Illario, and Illario is unwilling to let go of her. Me neither. 

— “Where are the bodies?” Illario asked. 

Effe shrank into herself. “I moved them.” 

“Not by yourself, you didn’t.” He turned to Lucanis, a smug sneer on his face. “I told you she’d talk.”

Proof Illario is not in fact an idiot and recognizes the basic logistics of a matter, and why his ‘oooh I think Zara must be back in Vyrantium already how inconvenient…’ ploy must be extra ‘...uh-huh cousin’ sus to Lucanis in Veilguard fhdjask. Trying to keep his terminator grandmother safely under lock and key while his cousin is back from the dead and possibly is now a demon with his face because of you and also you have to keep track of what lies you’ve told to what people must be incredibly stressful tbf I wouldn’t be keeping a particularly cool head either 

— Back down the hall, something wet slammed against the studded door. 

Effe’s bravado crumbled. “What was that?” 

“Take her,” Lucanis told Illario. “Find the others.” 

“Other what?” His eyes darted to the elf. “ Slaves? Absolutely not.” 

Lucanis continued as if Illario had agreed, “There’s a statue with a passage—like the one we used before. It’s not far. You should be able to escape in the chaos.” 

Illario blanched. “Did you not hear me? I said—” 

“Athima will help you. She’s the elf we met earlier.” 

“I don’t give a damn what her name is. I’m not—” 

“Once Ambrose is dealt with, I’ll meet you at the docks.” 

“Lucanis!” Illario shouted. “We are not revolutionaries.” 

Lucanis inhaled, his nostrils flaring. Illario was right. The Antivan Crows were assassins, not freedom fighters. Back home, people liked to romanticize, but Lucanis knew what he was. Still, his fingers twitched. 

“They are not responsible for their master’s mistakes.” He locked eyes with his cousin. 

Illario tried to remain resolute, but it was like touching hot steel. Sighing, he cursed and turned to Effe. “Come on,” Illario snapped. 

She glanced toward Lucanis. He gave her a reassuring nod. 

“My cousin may be a snob, but he’s true to his word.” 

“Are you? ” she asked, referring to his promise about Ambrose. 

“The Wigmaker will die tonight,” Lucanis affirmed. “But you have to go. It’s about to become very dangerous.” 

How much do you want to bet Illario is going ‘fuck it’s like trying to have a staring contest with Caterina herself’ on the inside right here, with all the emotions that may involve lmao. Lucanis is getting Illario out of there before shit really hits the fan too, notably — where Illario might see mostly lack of respect for his skills/what he could bring to the fight (there’s not none of that from Lucanis’ side either, but less than I feel Illario might be imagining), I think there’s a protectiveness, an unwillingness to risk Illario when the real madness shakes loose. *Lucanis voice* I mean it’s fine if I die obviously. but you don’t get to. get in the fucking car illario  

I think Lucanis adds the ‘My cousin is a snob, but he’s true to his word’ to reassure Effe that she can trust Illario/make Illario seem less scary/intimidating to her — both invoking the familial connection and the gentle dig to show that ‘see, I trust him, I’m not the least bit threatened by him, you don’t have to be either’. I don’t imagine ‘snob’ would be particularly upsetting to Illario either so while it is another datapoint in the grand tradition that is Lucanis-led public Illario slander, this might be one of the least egregious examples of it lol. (Implied lack of skill would hit way harder than anything about their social standing, I’m imagining)

— Lucanis has such a desperate need and desire to care for someone, as evidenced by how he reacts when he gets a whole Lighthouse full of people to do exactly that and springs into action like he’s been born for nothing else. He is that predator turned sheepdog all anxiety all the time he transparently projects onto Assan in that one banter with Davrin. That instinct has clearly been deep in him all this time, waiting for the right ground to grow in. To further his parallel with Davrin in so many things, there is a big part of him that is a protector as much as the part that’s a hunter, and it has finally found its place.

And like… can you imagine being Illario seeing that. Or this. Obviously it’s the right thing to do morally but on the petty small emotional and interpersonal level. Unbearable fhjksa.  

— Lucanis felt no sympathy. They were, all of them, Venatori supporters, who either knew what Ambrose was doing or chose to turn a blind eye to indulge their own vanity. Ignorance is bliss, not innocence.

Extremely interesting thing to think for someone raised in the Antivan Crows! I do think he actually holds himself to that standard, though — he doesn’t consider himself in any way an innocent. Even in situations where he is actually innocent, like how he feels about his time in the Ossuary. It’s easier for him to conceptualize that the demons/spirits in there were as innocent as anyone else trapped down there than to accept that maybe he didn’t deserve what happened to him either.

We’re also seeing the groundwork here for one of my favourite aspects of his character: the fact that he has an enormous, nearly unstoppable and instinctive on a kneejerk sort of level capacity for empathy — something he uses to great effect as a tool in his professional life to understand and predict his targets and the people around them, and which makes him an extremely devoted friend in his personal one — and yet is much more sparing with his sympathy. Those are in fact separate mental processes! And it’s fascinating to see someone in which the divide can be so clean and stark. (Not to keep beating this particular drum, but something deeply neuroatypical going on with this man long before the whole demon thing, he’s just found his niche and functions to the point of excelling in his particular field lol. Uneven skill profile: can intuit the thought processes of Tevinter fanatics or how word spreads through a community (as seen with the inn owner at the beginning) to a T from about two casual glances and find a way to stab anything up to and including a god cloud, cannot for the LIFE of him have an emotional conversation with his brother who he’s known all his life or understand what he’s thinking, because that all falls apart at the drop of a hat when he has to actually engage interpersonally himself and understand and interpret his own feelings on top as well in real time. Relatable. Is all I’ll say.)   

— The mage’s jaw pulsed. “You think you can come into my Imperium and act as judge and executioner?” Lucanis opened his mouth to respond, but Ambrose anticipated his answer. “Don’t say, ‘ Sì! ’” 

That earned a genuine smile from Lucanis. “Normally, there’s no judgment—only a contract. But for you, Ambrose, I made an exception.” 

The Wigmaker raised a brow. “Oh? What makes me so special?” 

“You upset my delicate sensibilities.” 

It was Ambrose’s turn to laugh. 

“I thought a Crow could stomach anything—for the right price.” 

Lucanis leveled the Wigmaker with a pointed look. “Not red lyrium.” 

“Morality is not static. Right and wrong are a matter of perspective.” Ambrose’s words were practiced and tired as if he had given the same reasoning a hundred times. 

Lucanis continued his advance, refusing to engage in the Wigmaker’s rhetoric. Nothing irritated him more than self-righteous excuses. If you’re going to do something terrible, just own it.

For your bounteous amounts of fuckery you have been promoted from the ‘contract’ category to ‘enemy’ category! Congratulations Ambrose it’s your special day. Also this makes a lot of sense with how he seems to feel about Solas too. 

— Hopelessness flooded the mage’s eyes. “One day, someone will turn your work against you. Only then will you have some semblance of the emptiness you’ve made me feel.” With his good hand, he gathered what was left of the wigs, hugging the locks to his chest. 

Lucanis experienced a twinge of disappointment, kindling for rage. He expected more fight from a high-ranking Venatori. He thought of the Wigmaker’s workshop, of the prisoners, their bellies full of poison, hanging like butchered pigs in stale, suffocating darkness. “Get up, Ambrose,” he growled. “You don’t get to do that—you don’t get to quit.” 

…

Panting heavily, Lucanis regarded the creature’s collapse without joy or anger. A vermilion fire engulfed the carcass, leaving nothing but a brittle husk. The other abominations stirred. 

“You have your vengeance,” Lucanis rasped. 

But his words did not reach them. They stared, snarling and ready. He squeezed the grip of his sword, preparing for another fight—then the pressure behind his skull eased. Without the Wigmaker, the demons had no anchor in the waking world. Gradually, the abominations disintegrated into ash. With the source of their anger gone, the spirits of vengeance returned to the Fade, allowing the dead to rest. 

Only then did Lucanis exhale and let relief wash over him. 

“Contract complete.” 

Again I’m glad they didn’t go with building on that in the end because I like what they did do with him so much better, but you can see here where they were laying the groundwork for more of a ‘righteous wrath’/outward facing central pillar for Lucanis’ character here. I’m on record as adoring the internal angle/more of the focus on disrupted self, and I think they also built really well on the subtextual family dynamics going on through this story, that’s a much more fascinating angle for me personally. This instinct for/longing to indulge in stubborn opposition sure does still exist in him, though, that’s such a fun part of him to make externalized as a whole little guy riding shotgun in his soul 

— That’s one way to make a point, Lucanis thought, coming to a stop.

Have I said enough about how much I love him. Because I do. One of his early very good ‘...wtf’ moments, so plenteous and marvellous in the game itself. (Not including all the body horror he’s actually looking at here b/c it’s truly disgusting and upsetting, excellent job as always Courtney Woods) 

— Sensing its weakness and spurred on by the demons of vengeance within, the other abominations began to surround it. 

That’s it, Lucanis smiled encouragingly. Good little demons. Turning his sword over in his palm, he cut across the roof.

Lmao. It’s interesting that Lucanis has a slightly… odd relationship with spirits/demons already here, for a non-mage and someone from an Andrastian culture — he’s able to think of them sort of as a natural part of an ecosystem that you can turn to your advantage if you’re careful and respect their unpredictable nature as part of the natural landscape as it were, and he extends his remarkable capacity for empathy to them in the way that he thinks about what their motivations and drives are in the same way he does with people — ‘you have your vengeance’. The baseline Chantry doctrine about spirits is basically ‘Always Chaotic Evil, Stay Clear’, but Lucanis seems to think of them as like… fellow predators. You know the way wolves and ravens will sometimes ‘team up’ and have symbiotic relationships? Kind of like that. Which is very him hahaha I mean sure Crows hire people for things all the time and if you can pay them in just doing your job anyway… it makes a lot of sense that this is the dude who’d think to earnestly strike a deal with a spirit despite the cultural narratives he was raised with, is what I’m getting at

— Lucanis reached the docks just before dawn. Knowing Illario as he did, he passed their ship’s allotted berth to check the nearby taverns. After a quick glance up and down the harbor, Lucanis settled on the Nug Queen purely because it was the cleanest establishment of the lot. When he entered, limping and bloody, the barkeep glowered. 

“Walk out the way you came,” the dwarf instructed. He had a tawny mustache that was twirled and waxed at both ends. 

“I’m looking for my cousin,” Lucanis explained. (🥺He’s literally just looking for his cousin…)

. . . 

Lucanis prepared to leave—then he heard Illario’s silvery voice flattering one of the waiters. 

“Oy!” the dwarf called out as Lucanis staggered toward the row of booths lining the left side of the tavern. “Exit’s that way!” 

His bellowing drew Illario’s attention away from the handsome servant. Upon seeing Lucanis, he jumped to his feet. “Andraste’s holy cabbage, you look like shit.” 

“Get that man to stop yelling at me,” Lucanis said. He plopped down in the booth, taking a moment to rest his eyes, while Illario soothed the irate proprietor.

‘Get that man to stop yelling at me, Lucanis said’ is my favourite line in this whole short story and always has been fhdskjfhsa it’s just so good. ‘Illario snooze that guy for me I never figured out how to do that non-lethally’. And Illario drops everything and DOES get to work on snoozing that guy. They’re headed right for disaster but I. adore them.  

Andraste’s holy cabbage HIGH on my list of extremely good Andrastian oaths btw thank you Illario. 

I wonder if this inn was supposed to be an in-game location at some point, it gets such a striking (and hilarious) description.

‘Silvery voice’ :’) well that got lost along the way haha. I honestly think the dialogue as written in the game could have landed differently with some changes in voice direction — if the actor wasn’t doing quite so much of an obvious Ze Evil Voice performance, the read on him might be slightly more ambiguous. (His immense susness would still be the same, of course, that’s just built in structurally, but I maintain that that storyline is more about chipping away at Lucanis’ denial that he’s been holding on to for so long down in the Ossuary until it has to crack open and crumble, less about the whodunnit of it all. We know who dunnit and so does Lucanis deep down basically from the first moment, I believe, he just can’t bear it. Not unlike the way Harding deep down knows what the red shade haunting her is, but is unable to accept and take that in until she confronts it, actually! Lucanis and Harding have some parallels going on in the deep there. People pleasers grappling with how to hold on to their healthy anger. Lovers of turnips. *Lucanis voice* Everyone likes turnips.)

Lucanis shambling around bleeding and absent-minded on post-adrenaline autopilot after that utter horror show (again I sheltered you from the body horror here but. Holy cannoli) until he finds the safety of Illario and then collapsing into the booth and almost nodding off b/c Illario will take care of it he knows how to talk to people, even though Lucanis never really relaxes he very nearly does here…………. You see the trouble is that the love is very much there. It just makes everything worse, but it is there. Always. And I’m afraid not even the Ossuary could change that, even when it changed everything else.  

Like… From Illario’s perspective Lucanis just sweeps in bleeding and limping with an imperious demand after shooing him away before — because he doesn’t have the inside view that the bluntness is because Lucanis feels safe with him. This is the sort of ‘pls solve this thing I don’t understand and find overwhelming and annoying’ a child extends to a parent/attachment figure ‘imperiousness’ to me, not an order from a superior. From which I think you can read some things about their dynamic growing up, aside from my ‘Illario has been 80% of Lucanis’ social skills most of their lives’ running joke lol. 

Both of them can form surface relationships with other people, mostly with transactional elements to them — Lucanis with the Villa Dellamorte staff growing up and people he meets and helps on the job, the ‘friends’ Illario sarcastically accuses him of making earlier in the story, and Illario clearly leaving a Necropolis-sized graveyard of shallow connections both romantic and otherwise behind him without ever getting deeper into it himself, gratification and a feeling of control and competence and entertainment all in one with no true intimacy behind it — but I think Lucanis is right when he tells Rook that Illario has been his only actual friend, before them (and the team, obviously). And for all his extroverted fuckboy antics, I think Lucanis is Illario’s only real friend too, I doubt any other relationship has ever reached him at the core but Caterina and Lucanis. They have been. SO weirdly socialized, they struggle so very badly to make real connections outside the family in their individual ways, feast or famine as their approaches are. And part of that is that in their childhood they’ve been forced to try to meet their emotional needs with each other in ways that were doomed to fail; things you should get from a safe parental figure and a group of peers, community, not your brother who’s basically the same age as you and just as traumatized and psychologically malnourished. Things they will not get from the Crows, a community that is also the constant threat that ate everyone else in the family, and not from Caterina, who aside from the general cultural Crow brutality in overseeing their upbringing is too busy negotiating with the ghosts of five children, eight grandchildren by making sure her last two grandsons survive, not realizing that it means she has not taught them the first thing about how to live. Or, perhaps as likely, that is just not particularly a priority to her, she values her control over them and thus perceived control of the future and continuance of House Dellamorte way beyond their happiness. (God it’s all such a real-feeling mess because the love is also there and real, it’s just that that makes everything worse and even more tangled. Family!!!!) 

Caterina has set up this dynamic of Lucanis as the golden child (he can do no wrong and thus is allowed to do no wrong nor want anything for himself she didn’t let him have; never making a mistake in life is something that is normal to demand of yourself and possible to achieve etc.) and Illario as the fuckup kid, the lesser one, we keep him around for sentimental value of course he’s family but he’s largely ornamental lol. (Sorry about your life, Illario. I’m not sure whether being her favourite or not being her favourite leaves someone with the worse deal psychologically long-term, but your situation is particularly undignified and thankless I will grant you that.) Illario is much more faithfully the Crow Caterina raised him to be, where Lucanis uses his competence and Caterina’s personal affection for him to get to keep and protect some of the parts of himself the role of Crow should forbid. And she STILL openly and unabashedly loves Lucanis more, while Illario cannot do a single thing that pleases her no matter what he tries. Lucanis at least has Caterina’s recognition and affection, what does Illario have? What does he have that could make him anything in this Crow eat Crow world? 

Which is why Illario needs Lucanis to choose him over Caterina with an intensity and psychological urgency that again, is more like a child needing a parent to put them first or treat them like they matter to develop the sense of a worthy self. (Or Caterina to choose him over Lucanis, but that’s never going to happen while Lucanis is still alive, and probably not even if he really were dead.) Lucanis can’t give him that, because he is unwilling and unable to give up either of the two attachment relationships he has left, even if it means he has to mangle and push down his own self to maintain those bonds. He will freeze to hold on to what little he has, even when what he has also hurts him and they are hurting each other. At this point in the short story I think Lucanis wants Illario to be honest with him the way Lucanis is honest with Illario (which unfortunately also means Illario gets some of his more unpleasant sides), and Illario can’t give him that because when he tries Lucanis straight up refuses to listen — can’t listen, because what Illario is saying would disrupt everything Lucanis is trying so desperately to hold together at any cost. Again, Lucanis asking Illario for something he then punishes or ignores him for actually giving. They’ve had to be everything to each other and they just can’t be. Not even through any fault of their own, that’s just how it works. And Lucanis starts to find his way out of that during the game, make other connections that do help, but I'm not sure Illario does or will. Don’t look at me and don’t speak to me I’ll never be okay again 

- “Drink?” his cousin offered, returning with two glasses and a bottle of wine. “It’s expensive.”

 Lucanis accepted with a faint nod. 

“Some say a bribe spoils the vintage,” Illario mused while pouring, “but I think it tastes all the sweeter.” 

“Effe and the others. Did you get them to—” 

“Yes, yes,” Illario snapped, “I did my good deed for the year.” 

The two paused to sip their wine. 

Lucanis rolled the liquid over his tongue. Bribery had not spoiled this bottle, at least. 

“Camille didn’t make it,” he said finally. 

“Who?” 

“The guard captain.” 

“Ah,” Illario said, nodding in recognition. “Well, that does free me from promises I didn’t intend to keep. And Ambrose?” 

“You have to ask?” 

“Fair enough.” 

THANK YOU, LUCANIS!!! THAT IS THE THING YOU SHOULD BE SAYING!!!! THANK YOU FOR GOING ALONG WITH MY NONSENSE THAT I JUST SPRANG ON YOU ILLARIO!!!!! I’M HAPPY TO SEE YOU AND THAT YOU’RE ALRIGHT WOULD NOT BE OUT OF ORDER PERHAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD I love him more than anyone in the world but he’s infuriating sometimes especially when dealing with Illario fhdskja. You can tell how much he does trust/value Illario because this is the first time he relaxes a bit in the whole story — the mental image of Lucanis standing there with his huge puppy eyes dripping rivers of blood onto the floorboards in his fucking… batman ass getup like ‘🥺is my cousin here’ is so. It’s so much — but again you have to SHOW that somehow too Lucanis he can’t read your mind. I think it’s what he’s clumsily trying to do with telling Illario about the guard captain, a little bit — that’s an olive branch/trying to give Illario the peace of mind he just gave to him about the fallout of the mission, even if it’s a sadder outcome — but that’s also a sign that he’s completely missed on understanding what Illario would value here. (For Lucanis someone he flirted with being torn to ribbons five minutes later would be a big deal no matter what, probably, for Illario it’s all just business. Whomst??? Oh her lol.) Illario tries to fall into their pattern of companionable bullshit because that seems to be as much as Lucanis will accept from him as a show of care, but even that Lucanis breaks him off on, with what to Illario seems like doubting his skills/ability to carry out the job Lucanis handed him (Lucanis seems to want to know for his own peace of mind more than that, tho, from my vibe here; he did make a promise to Effe). 

“That his?” [Illario] gestured toward the dark stains on Lucanis’s coat. 

“Mostly.” 

His cousin’s brows drew together. “Do you need a healer? The ship will have one, but if you can’t wait—” 

“I’m fine,” Lucanis stated. 

“All right,” Illario said, topping off his glass. “We’ll just pretend that’s wine you’re dripping all over the table.” 

“What do you want me to say?”

How many times do you think Illario has had to rock up to Thedas emergency care with his cousin like ‘well he says he’s fine and to not worry about him, which in my experience is Lucanisese for ‘I’m about to bleed out and die on the spot’.’ As someone who has now been on that side of Lucanis’ ‘*actively bleeding from the eyes* I’m fine don’t worry about me’... y’know I’m not saying Illario was right or anything (he never is (affectionate) that’s his charm) but I do have a certain amount of sympathy one does start to lose one’s mind after a while. Yeah I am making silly jests and japes to avoid talking about this part because it’s so painful to me to contemplate thanks for asking. To be serious, though: being forced to watch Lucanis do this to himself, and then being asked to pretend he can’t even see it to enable it… that’s a big ask and one you should not be making of him, Lucanis. He’s not doing it intentionally, and it’s because he is also in so much pain over this that he has no idea how to handle, but it doesn’t stop it from being fucked up and unfair. 

‘I don’t understand what you want from me/I don’t know understand how to give it to you’ and ‘So we’re just going to pretend that nothing’s wrong and you’re fine and nothing needs to change, you can keep going like this indefinitely?’ 

Illario’s gaze grew hard. “How long are you going to keep doing this?” 

“Doing what?” 

“Caterina’s bidding.” 

The wine turned in Lucanis’s mouth. “Illario. Stop.” 

“If I was in charge, you wouldn’t have to do this anymore,” he cajoled. “You could quit.” 

Lucanis stared at his cousin. “I don’t want to quit.” 

Illario sat back. The distance between them suddenly felt much wider than a table. 

“Even if it kills you,” Illario whispered. 

“Death is my calling,” Lucanis stated, matter-of-fact. “Just as yours is to become First Talon.” He smiled, hoping to ease the tension, but Illario’s posture remained taut. 

“And if Caterina disagrees? If she thinks you’re the better man for the job—” 

“I don’t want it, Illario,” Lucanis insisted. 

“But you wouldn’t refuse.” 

“It’s impossible to refuse Caterina,” Lucanis admitted reluctantly. “Only prolong her, until she sees reason.” 

He knew it wasn’t the answer Illario wanted, but it was the truth. And in their line of work, honesty was hard to come by. 

Illario exhaled and lifted his wineglass in salute. “To reason, then.” 

“To reason,” Lucanis echoed. 

The two Crows clinked the rims of their glasses together, then prepared for the long journey home

Sobbing and crying and dying. So much stuff going on under the surface here. This particular conversation clearly haunts Lucanis for a long time after, it’s where most of the Illario lines in the Mind!Ossuary are taken from. ‘You’ll choose her over me every time, even if it means death and leaving me behind alone. No matter what I do I’m never going to be good enough for her or you, no one is ever going to choose me or put me first or think I matter at all’. Delicate overtones of ‘You love even the work more than you love me’. The more mundane layers of jealousy, of being the unfavorite, the Cain and Abel of it all. The I can’t grow when you always get all the sun.  

The distance between them suddenly feeling much bigger to Lucanis… in a way I think that’s Illario’s side of ‘it wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was the truth. And in their line of work, honesty is hard to come by’. Just for a moment Illario drops the act, he stops trying to reach out to try to find him again, to do his ‘job’ in the relationship of smoothing it over and pretending everything is fine or at least sustainable, and the distance that has slowly grown between them over the years is laid bare. Lucanis would ignore that forever if given the chance, but here Illario finally refuses to play along and forces him to feel it.

After a whole story of Lucanis being ruthlessly competent at his job to the point that he turned it into a challenge run for extra style points just because he can (and because it would be quite emotionally convenient for him to die before he has to go back to Caterina and probably be named her heir), we see him try to (avoid having to) have ONE real conversation with someone he loves and he’s so awkward. He’s reduced to pleading for Illario to stop. (There are notably no please and thank yous between Lucanis and Illario — mutually, also notably  — but that ‘Illario. Stop’ carries big helpless ‘please don’t’ energy)

I’ve talked before about the way Lucanis speaks of Caterina like she’s a weather system, or an act of God — something that can’t be resisted, only navigated with immense care and a hope for the best fear for the worst attitude. He expects Illario to have reached the same conclusion, raised side by side and in the same household as they are… but he hasn’t. They are different people by nature and the roles within the family have given them different perspectives — on what’s possible, and on what’s sustainable. It’s. hey. It’s a lot. 

— God. can you imagine being Illario when Lucanis returns from the grave with some FUCKING RANDO Caterina dragged into the house five minutes ago, and not only is he, surprise surprise, already entrenched as their favourite and they don’t like Illario (they don’t even know all the reasons why they shouldn’t like Illario yet, they just think he has rancid vibes! Which to be sure he does he’s big enough to admit it it can’t be helped the rot will out!! but STILL!!!!!), on a Treviso saved run Lucanis also lets them waltz through all the locked doors in his mind that Illario has been clawing his fingers bloody against for decades while screaming for him within the span of a goddamn afternoon’s work of Fade shenanigans. and through all of it they are *throwing up noises* FLOURISHING together whether as friends or something else in a way that practically shows like a healing glow around him. Rook ‘steal your cousin-brother (you kind of lost the right to stay his favourite when you y’know. Murdered him)’ Dragon Age swooping in to end this poor pathetic little man’s entire career in the last way he hadn’t already managed to ruin it himself. You know what. I kind of get it, Illario, that would send me finally stark raving bonkers insane too. After all that I think I too would have marched over to the ancient elven mean girls like ‘sure I’ll join you in burning down the world if you spare me some gasoline I need to do something hugely self-destructive and unwise and take everything down with me’. Obviously Illario sucks in many many-faceted and inventive ways but holy shit dude. In his shoes could you sit through the café scene without choosing violence.  

— Do I have to put in a disclaimer here that even though I have understanding and empathy for just how shitty Illario’s situation is pre-game and am expressing myself with comedic hyperbole about it, what he ends up doing to Lucanis is obviously extremely bad not justified and not okay in any way etc. and I do not endorse cousin murder as a way to solve your interpersonal problems, nevermind entrusting the task to your known mad scientist girlfriend with blood magic benefits if you did mean for it to be a clean quick death. Lucanis did not deserve any of what happened because he’s an imperfect communicator and like any of us has some less than perfect interpersonal patterns, and he’s still an intensely loveable character to me with these flaws. Is that something I have to state for the record after writing 12k+ words about him like this. One would hope not but you know. I’ve been on this site for a long time now and I am carrying around some stress fractures of the psyche about it, at least this way I know I’ve done what little I could to make myself perfectly clear in this our how dare you say we piss on the poor public square lol 

— The hilarious/hopeful thing is that I don’t think this relationship is necessarily doomed because of the very specific ways Lucanis is nuts haha, he has not willingly let go of anything he loves one single day in his life and he’s not about to start now — if Illario can bring himself to take that outstretched hand and do his part of the work I feel there could be hope for it. Not for it to ever be what it was before, of course. But to be something, still. Once Lucanis recognizes some of his own shortcomings in the dynamic I think he would try to work on that on the Forgive route at least, Illario matters that much to him. 

— rare W moment for Illario towards the end here and we simply must grant him those: Zara clearly meant to merely use him as a means to get to Lucanis, but he did seemingly somehow manage to get her properly wrapped around his little finger for real eventually. Enough for her to be very bitter about it after death, at least. Listen Zara play too close to the fuckboy fire and get burned to a crisp puh-lease this man is a professional. If he’s your amatus why is he obsessed about what his grandma and cousin are going to think of him after this and killing you mid-sentence. Smh 

— god I have said so much in this (...obviously. my face is in my hands why am I like this this is my curse), but I’m still not sure I’ve managed to get at what I was actually like. trying to say. Oh well. At least this chunk of thoughts is out of my head now, maybe I’ll get some room in here for something else and maybe even sensible for a while (doubtful but one should live in hope) 

*in a 'that's a threat' kind of way. also well done for making it all the way to the end you're a real one

[monotonesmile]

Hi!!!!! Can you write a Jason Todd x reader where the reader is planning a surprise birthday party for Jason with Dick but Jason gets jealous and thinks the reader is cheating on him

Surprise!

[Jason Todd X GN!Reader]

[Word Count: 1946]

[Warnings: Accusations of cheating]

[Fic Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst]

[Notes: Goddamn, y’all just want to hurt this man, don’t ya? Well, I’m here to oblige. Enjoy.]

———————————————————————

They were taken out of their concentration while working on some papers when their phone started to ring on their desk, looking at the caller ID, they saw the name Dick Grayson, Jason’s older brother, confused, they picked up their phone and answered.

“Hello?” They were a bit confused as they answered the phone, waiting to hear why Dick was calling them during the middle of the night. Jason was out on patrol as Red Hood when this happened so they don’t know if he was calling for Jason.

“Hey! I’ve got a question for you.” Dick’s voice came through the speaker on the phone, cheerful as always, he definitely seemed excited about something, if they could see him, he'd probably be bouncing off the walls with excitement about this mystery question.

“Uh…sure? What’s up?” They raise an eyebrow as they look down at the papers they were working on, setting the phone down and putting him on speaker so they can continue their work, wondering what he is so excited about.

“Do you want to help me plan a surprise party for Jason’s birthday?” Dick enthusiastically asks, practically vibrating with excitement through the phone.

“Oh shit! Yes! Absolutely!” They were immediately infected by his excitement, they were more than happy to help plan a birthday party for their boyfriend, why wouldn’t they! They love him so much, they would be overjoyed to help surprise him for his birthday!

“Awesome, okay, so where do you want to meet up to go over this stuff?” They could practically hear Dick grinning through the phone, he was just so happy to surprise his brother for his birthday, it feels nice to act like a normal family sometimes.

“Oh! There’s this little coffee shop downtown that I go too, we can go there to plan something out if that works for you.” They chime in, offering one of their favorite little coffee shops to meet up at, it’s quiet and out of the way, perfect place to plan a surprise party.

“Perfect! Does Saturday at…maybe two work for you?” Dick hums, excited to start planning this thing, who else would he plan it with? Jason’s own partner is perfect for the job!

“That works for me, see you then! Stay safe, have a nice night!” They nod, writing the date in their calendar so they’ll remember before bidding him goodnight, hearing him say his goodbye before hanging up the phone. They’re smiling, excited to do something special for Jason, the man they love so very deeply.

———————————————————————

Multiple Saturday’s had passed around by now, Jason’s birthday slowly creeping up on them, but now they have to get ready, pulling on their socks before they run out the bedroom in some casual clothing, sliding past Jason as they gather different items to take with them to the small cafe. A small notebook, pen, stickers for the fun of it, just the things they’ll need as they had started planning the food that’ll be at the birthday, besides cake of course, that’s a given for a birthday.

Jason was watching them run around their apartment with a confused expression as he sat on the couch watching tv, his eyes tracking them as they grabbed seemingly different items for something he has no idea about, he didn’t even get a clue on what exactly they were doing, it’s obvious they were going out but he doesn’t know the reason why, they hadn’t told him anything, just leaving him a confused mess of a man as they slid on their shoes.

He was going to ask where they were going but he didn’t get the chance as they pulled on their coat, saying a quick love you and goodbye before the door shutting echoed through the apartment. Well…that was a very fast exit. Now he’s even more confused about what they were doing, something in his gut telling him to follow them, so he slowly got off the couch, grabbing his keys and following out the door.

Jason quickly put on his helmet when their car left the parking lot of their apartment complex, got onto his motorcycle as it revved to life, pulled out of the lot and followed from a distance, sometimes his training as a vigilante is really helpful in everyday life. He followed them through different streets before they got to downtown Gotham, seeing their car park, he had parked a few blocks down to keep his cover and distance, silently following them as they headed into a small coffee shop, he could recognize it as one of their favorites.

He is just even more confused now, why were you here? Are you meeting with a friend? Studying maybe? Is that why you came out here? He can’t blame them if that’s why they were here, it’s a nice place, and for a moment he was tempted to go inside before he spotted an all too familiar face from behind the window, his older brother, Dick Grayson. His eyes had widened in surprise, his mind doing backflips on trying to think of a reason he would be here, until they had sat down across from him. So that's why you were here. He watched as the two spoke, smiling and talking excitedly, although he can’t make out what either of you are saying.

Jason didn’t know how to feel about it, while he was more than happy that they got along with his family, it was always something he loved about them, but this makes his stomach churn in jealousy, his mind racing with confusion and concern, and a thought he wished never crossed his mind came into though. Had you been cheating on him with his own brother? It was something he didn’t want to believe, but he could see how ecstatic they were when with Dick, and it hurt more than he thought it would.

He didn’t want to believe what was in front of him, oh how he wished this was just a nightmare or Scarecrow's fear gas, but no, this was reality, and it hurt him more than anything else could, he wanted to barge in and confront them, but he couldn’t, he can’t deal with that pain right now, he could be wrong about all of this, he hopes he’s wrong. So, he turned back to his motorcycle, getting on, and driving home in complete silence, his mind running wild, giving him a headache.

———————————————————————

The door shut behind him with a thud, Jason had his breathing heavy as he entered the living room, pacing around as his arms crossed, his fingers gripping tightly onto the fabric of his shirt, he mind was running completely wild with theories, none of them comforting or good, the longer he paced, the more he feared that they were actually cheating on him, he doesn’t think he could handle that kind of pain and betrayal.

But of course they’d cheat with Dick, why wouldn’t they? He’s everything Jason can’t be, he was charming, flirtatious, he could actually give them the life they wanted, a stable life with a vigilante, something Jason could never give to them due to his own demons and past. It hurt to admit that he truly thought they were too good for him, maybe they’d be better off with Dick, they’d have a good life with him.

Jason’s thoughts were interrupted by the door opening and closing, how long had he been pacing? He doesn’t know, but he knows that they’re home now. He glanced over to see them tugging their shoes off with a smile on their face, he had to take a moment to catch his breath and calm his breathing before he walked over to them as they were shrugging off their coat and about to put it away.

When they spotted him walking over they were quick to greet him, “Jason!” They had chirped, smiling up at the larger man, usually hearing them call his name and cheerfully greet him would make his heart flutter but this time it made him feel sick to his stomach due to prior thoughts and his fears.

It hurt seeing their smile but he took a deep breath before asking the very question he dreads the answer to so much.

“Are you cheating on me with Dick?” Jason tried to conceal the pain on his face by keeping a stern look and his head up but it was obvious how much hurt he felt, his eyebrows twitching as his eyes told the entire story, they were sad, glossy eyes, filled with pain.

“Wh-what!? No! God no!” They sputtered as their response was almost instant, they whipped around, dropping their coat with their surprise at his question, their face was a complete look of shock and confusion, they had no idea why he would even think that!

“Hold on! Before you say anything else! Here, you can look through our texts!” They were quick to pull their phone from their pocket, practically shoving it into his hands after unlocking it, they had wanted to prove their loyalty, confused but truly wanting to dispel his suspicions and fear,

Jason hesitated but looked down at the phone, afraid of what he’ll find, slowly scrolling through the many messages the two had sent over multiple days, their activity had spiked as of recent, and he still has no clue why.

“I swear, I would never cheat on you! Me and Dick were…we were just meeting to plan a surprise for you, I’m so sorry Jason…” They sigh quietly, fidgeting with their hands as they look down, feeling bad as they admit the reason for their many disappearances over the few weeks.

“I hadn’t realized I was ignoring and neglecting you, I never meant to do that, I was just so excited to surprise you.” They felt so guilty for their oversight, they should’ve just told him that they were going to talk to his brother rather than say absolutely nothing at all to him about where they were going, they can’t blame him for his worries, they made a mistake and are owning up to it.

Jason practically deflated when he confirmed their words with the texts, they had just been talking about the former surprise and what they were planning for it, it made his entire body relax so much, he was so glad that his fears and suspicions were incorrect, they weren’t cheating, they were trying to do something sweet for him.

“God…I’m sorry.” Jason sighs, running a hand through his hair as he handed their phone back to them so they could put it away. “I shouldn’t have just accused you of that, I should’ve trusted you more…” Well now he felt bad for a completely different reason, he just accused his loving partner of cheating on him.

“No! It’s fine, I understand, I should’ve known better, probably should’ve told you where I was going…” They cut him off with a hug, feeling his strong arms wrap around them in response, holding them close as he sighs again, happy to have them in his arms after such a confusing and stressful day.

“So…what exactly is the surprise?” Jason hums, now curious and a bit cheeky as he asks, he wants to know what they’re planning since they had already told him that the reason they were meeting his brother was to plan some kind of event.

“Jason no, it’s supposed to be a surprise!” They huffed in response, hearing him laugh at their grumpy reply, he knew they wouldn’t spill, a pity.

“Yeah yeah…love you, Doll.” He chuckles, kissing their forehead gently.

“Love you too, Red.”

———————————————————————

[Requests are open!]

[lilybug-02]

Ngl Asriel is a bitch in the Chara timeline. I don’t mean this as offensive to you I’m talking about the character in general how bad it is character wise not writing wise (like how Jax is in TADC. He’s a bad guy but not a bad written character).

Asriel pisses me off so fucking much like bro I would’ve dumped his ass ages ago. First off he really doesn’t understand Chara because yeah he hasn’t gone through the shit they’ve gone through and on the soul entity topic. CHARA GREW UP BEING TAUGHT THAT THESE THINGS WERE GOOD- bro should’ve have a little understanding on why they would be a little bit upset.

Oh and let’s not talk about his reaction to when he found Kris like brother immediately thought Chara did something his best fucking friend and that pisses me off- IF HE THINKS THAT LOW OF HIS OWN FRIEND THEN HE SHOUDL FUCK OFF.

I am in no way criticizing you or your writing I love the Chara timeline but I the urge to punch that stupid “good boi” goat is so strong. Chara deserves so much better than him, I know even they have their flaws but Asriel is so much worse.

Damn! I have yet to read a comment so brutal! But I appreciate your insistence that it's not my writing (even though it may be at times lol) and I appreciate that very much. ❤️

Asriel's whoosy attitude IS intentional (and sometimes accidentally unintentional) in the comic. I started fleshing his character out more later in the comic bc I had focused so much on Chara's and Kris'.

I've drawn him to look more as a lovable cartoon goat-man, but he certainly has his faults. He butts heads with Chara a lot because both of them have very different ways of trying to solve solutions.

Asriel is hesitant, thoughtful, and/or a pushover. While Chara can be brash, spiteful, and/or assertive.

I tried my best to match their personalities to their Undertale ones (from my perspective, of course). Chara thinks killing themselves is a good plan, while Asriel goes along with the plan and backs out at the last second.

I make the two fight multiple times in the comic to illustrate their rough friendship. It's not perfect, just like in Undertale, but maybe in this Universe they can have time to develop it in a healthy way.

You are free to choose how you feel about it though!

[serpentface]

What do Brakul and Janeys see in each other?

(I wrote some of this in quasi-character voice/pov on impulse (in brackets), though don't take it as actual dialogue. They wouldn't outright say most of this.)

WHAT JANEYS SEES IN BRAKUL:

-[He is just objectively beautiful. There's no way around it, this is just a material fact. He has the prettiest brown eyes and a cute gap in his teeth and he's 6'2'' and he's big and strong and hairy and well endowed (balls) and sooo virile and 6'2''. This is the ideal male body at peak performance so it's just inevitable to be wildly, painfully attracted to it. There's probably tons of other people who want to shove their face into his armpits.]

[But they don't get to.]

-Janeys is significantly more at ease with him than almost anyone else. He doesn't feel such an acute need to posture and put on performances, or as devastating shame when the performance 'fails'. The psychological factors that motivate this to begin with don't just like, magically go away, but they're much less acute. He feels like he can just Exist around him. It's nice.

-Thinks he's a really funny, smart and interesting person general. Very pleasant to talk and amicably argue with. Janeys finds a lot of things he never would have given a shit about suddenly very interesting because it's coming from him. Like 'yeah he's not EDUCATED per se but he has a fascinating repository of knowledge about like, cheesemaking and birds and freakish snow vampires and the many nuances of highland seasonal transhumance.'

-Janeys sees a lot of things in Brakul that he finds lacking in himself, and experiences a sense of being more complete, better, stronger, via this partnership (somewhat literally, sharing blood Is sharing spirit). He feels genuinely more confident around him, not just in his typical "I'm Confident that my family name and Odonii bloodkin status can force some deference out of you" way but like legit confidence. Not the healthiest way to develop self esteem and not put to the best uses but it is what it is.

-Matches his freak and exceeds it in strange and compelling ways

-Meshes Fairly well with his clingy attachment style (it causes friction sometimes though) and meets his substantial needs for physical affection and casual intimacy (at least in private).

-[He's a really, really, really good kisser]

-[He is my closest and most trusted friend, my brother. He's like how the most florid love poets describe their wives, except if a wife was a man and wasn't someone you had to marry. No one has ever loved a man like I have. No one has shared a spirit like I have. The concept of life without him is no longer imaginable, he is carved into my very skin, he's in my veins, mouth, hands. He is my natural compliment and easiest companion. My beloved, my heart, my blood, my other face.]

-[He's 6'2'']

---

WHAT BRAKUL SEES IN JANEYS:

-[He's very good looking, in kind of a subtle way. Like you don't necessarily notice at first, but he's got this sort of... sturdy yet gracile handsomeness to him? Like a deer, or a small to mid-sized bird of prey. Except attractive and a man. Very attractive. He has such a nice smile and the most gorgeous legs, and a cute little trail of hair up his stomach. Nice hands. And feet. Sturdy. Lovely hair. His eyes are just kind of scary but, otherwise.]

-[He's actually soooo nice when you get to know him. He is one of the sweetest and most caring people I've ever met, actually.]

[Sure he's kind of an asshole. To most people. On most occasions. But have you considered that THEIR vibes are, very often, simply bad and offputting, and maybe it's sometimes their faults for being irritating? Yeah. Think a little.]

-Brakul distinctly likes being one of few people Janeys likes and one of much fewer that he actually chills out around. He likes that he gets to see sides of him that are almost completely reserved for himself. He feels special.

-Overall sees him as someone who is often difficult and frustrating but ultimately deeply lovable. He finds him to be very caring, admirably loyal, genuine, and funny. Good to talk to, and good to sit in comfortable silence with. He sees him as a very different person but someone who compliments him well. Natural choice of companion.

-Has a generally realistic outlook on Janeys' abilities but considers him to be more capable than most people think and fairly talented in some respects. He would note him as skilled with the spear, pretty decent with the lyre, a good dancer and very beautiful singer.

-He absolutely likes that one of Janeys' 'love languages' is giving him gifts. He loves being the spoiled male wife of a nobleman. He was made for this shit. The gift-giving on Janeys' part initially made him nervous (on the presumption that it was indebting or otherwise transactional) but he is LONG since over it.

[Everyone was always saying, "Brakul you're kinda lazy and annoying, you lost all your mother's cattle in a really pathetic way, you strained the alliances between multiple clans to a breaking point by being a fuckup, you abandoned your firstborn," etc etc but look at me now. I'm so loved and I have 200 cattle and 12 khait and eat meat every day of my life.]

-Doesn't Fully match his freak, but does where it matters most. Sub/switch masochist for a dom/switch sadomasochist. Peace and love.

-Easily flustered in a way he finds cute/hot.

-Really likes his intense and earnest enthusiasm for physical affection/intimacy. The other people Brakul has had romantic/sexual experiences with in the past have been substantially less touchy-feely, and he prefers being able to show affection this way. Expressing this shit verbally can be difficult (with or without having to translate), it always feels a little insufficient. Lengthy and complicated sessions of making out/cutting each other/blood consumption/frotting/doing weird shit with cum/still vaguely sexual wound cleaning with vinegar/cuddling/etc have turned out to feel like a more comprehensive form of romantic expression. And not a lot of people are into that kinda thing, so this is pretty special.

-[He makes me happy. Sometimes I'll look at him while he's asleep or just sitting next to me or whatever, and still get hit with that new love, 'I'm going to throw up but in a good way' feeling, even after all this time. I'm glad to have found him. I'm glad to share my life with him. I'm glad we belong to each other. I've never found an adequate describe it, 'brother' is easy but completely wrong. It just is what it is. I love him.]

-[He does some crazy shit with his mouth]

[tkdbimagines]

Hey so... Me Again lol (which one? You'll never know). I had to come back to your inbox since I enjoy reading your stuff A LOT! and I had a thought. Cockwarming... Who enjoys it, who can stay like this for hours, who can't and instead ends in boomshakala with, ect? Or just with one ghoul of your choice as a little os. Go wild. Go creative. I just love your stuff

A/N: alright yeah i can work with this, lets see what we got here

Cockwarming Headcanons

Stays For Hours

Jin: I'm a lil torn here actually but I think he'd definitely use it as some sort of punishment at the very least, and if that's the case he's got all the patience in the world. He'll probably snap at some point but he's making damn sure you do first and he'll still make you wait after.

Tohma: Probably the best at it honestly, he's nothing if not a patient man AND he likes annoying you and causing you problems. He just likes seeing your frustrated face and lil sounds and it just makes him want to make you wait even longer :c.

Alan: He's got better patience than I think even he will give himself credit for, honestly. Though, I think he's mostly in it for the intimacy's aspect, not the sexual one. He just likes how close you feel because of it. That being said, if you start squirming around and teasing him, I cannot guarantee your safety.

Sho: Oh he's a bastard sometimes, he'll do it just to tease you. This is a source of amusement for him, he thinks its hilarious seeing how worked up you're getting just by him being inside you. Don't think whining or complaining will help it just finds it even better. He'll give in at some point, but it'll be a while.

Ren: Honestly put a game in front of him he might even forget he's inside you to begin with. It's probably some sort of cute bonding activity except for the you know. cockwarming aspect but it's fine. However he is one you can easily goad into fucking you if you move around a bit so have fun!

Ritsu: I feel like he'd just check out and start thinking about the cases he's working on JHGHJKJHJK. Like he's a lil insane like that but it helps keep him calm and patient which is good because otherwise you might be driving him insane, it's so fine. Probably another one you can goad by moving around just not as easily.

Subaru: Sweet sweet boy just likes feeling close to you, this is definitely 1000% just for the intimacy aspect he's not trying to tease you or anything he just likes feeling you :c. That being said he will never deny you anything so if you want him to do something he will but if not he's perfectly content staying like this for as long as possible!

Haku: Kinda similar to Tohma and Sho here, he's definitely doing this because he likes teasing you KJHGHJKLKJHG. He'd be the type to whisper filthy shit in your ear too while running his hands across your body to really rile you up while he was at it. He's a lil insane sorry to say but don't worry even he has his limits KJHGHJKJH.

Ed: This annoying ass vampire pretends he's too old to move. You know he's not, he knows you know he's not, but he's just like this he's irritating. That being said he'll also hold you in place so you can't move, wrapping his arms around you because 'you feel so nice he doesn't want to let go'. He will not let you win and is probably the one most likely to go literal hours godspeed.

Rui: I'm a lil torn on him too because I'm not sure how much he's really doing this to begin with, but I think he could if you wanted him to. Living with Ed gives you a lot of patience after all but the second you want more he's all for it so he's really just going by whatever you want.

Jiro: I mean, are we really surprised by this? He's so chill about everything so naturally he'd probably have an insane about of patience regarding this as well. And if he gets to enjoy seeing you squirm and let out little noises because of him, well, that's just a bonus c:.

Gives In

Luca: I think he would give it an honest try. I think like Rui he wants to do whatever it is you want him to, and if it's cockwarming, well he might not quite get it but anything for you! However, the feeling of you wrapped around him is so... He apologizes but quickly asks if he can move pretty soon after, though he does last a little bit at least!

Kaito: Alright we all knew he was going here, I'm not sure he'd last even a minute before having to move. He'd want to give it a genuine try, he would, but well. You probably both knew how this was gonna end when you asked him it's fine. It's worth it in the end anyway you both get to enjoy it <3.

Leo: Okay much like Sho, he's a bastard, even more so actually. However, he also doesn't have a lot of patience. So what I think he does, is he talks big, acting like he's not gonna move for hours or that he'll edge you for just as long, but in reality he does just enough to drive you insane so that you'll beg for him to move and it'll look more like he's giving you what you want rather than him giving in.

Haru: Don't do this to him, he's already stressed out as it is. Plus, he's got so much energy I don't think he could sit still long enough for it if he tried. If you do try to do this expect him to try to work you up even more, to convince him to let him move that way he can make both of you feel good :c.

Towa: I don't think this is Towa's thing honestly. Maybe as a more relaxing thing than anything else but I don't think he gets anything out of it. He much rather prefers moving inside you or maybe you moving on him, the specifics don't really matter much just anything other than staying still.

Romeo: Ha. Another one to talk big only this time he actually tries to follow through but can't. It's not his fault you feel so good clenching around him! He'll blame you for him not being about to last without moving, thrusting into you roughly while complaining about how insane you drive him.

Zenji: I think he's like Kaito, he'd want to try it for your sake but in reality, he just can't do it. He'd apologize like a thousand times for not being able to give you what you want but well, it's not like you're mad at this outcome either. He'll more than make up for it with multiple rounds as well so ! Alls well that ends well.

Lyca: Oh, poor boy does not get what the appeal is. He'll tell you straight up too when you ask him, he does not see what's so great about it. Once he tries it he gets it even less, why would he torture himself like this when you feel so good and he could be moving right now to make you feel good too? Yeah the frustration takes over on this one but it's so fine.

Yuri: Romeo part two, he talks so big and acts so tough but like. He's giving in we all know he's giving in. Once again he's very frustrated with not being able to live up to what he was saying, but well. Now you get to make up for it since you've wasted his time he could've spent researching for this nonsense. Either way do you really lose?

Weird Taiga Category

Taiga: It largely depends on how Taiga's feeling at that exact moment. Sometimes he won't bother with it at all and just starts thrusting rapidly the second he's inside you. Other times, he's got you close to tears before he even so much as moves a single inch, laughing at how pathetic you sound. You really do never know what you're gonna get with him which is why he had to be in his own category.

[jjsfavgirl]

˚ʚ [J. m • holidays]ɞ˚

Summary: you and jj are dating, but one thing you keep secret from the pogues is apart of your sex life, is that you dress up for each other during special holidays.

Warnings: dressing up during sex?, p in v, probs no protection cuz jj goes raw.

୨୧┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈୨୧

It all started when JJ was messaging you about how bad his shift was at the mechanic shop, he was messaging you about how bad he just needed to fuck the stress out on you.

Since it was Christmas time, you wore your red panties set, paired with a red bar and a fluffy red skirt with a white trim and a black belt with a gold buckle. You sprinkled the bed with rose petals and sat waiting for him.

JJ slammed the front door shut, shrugging out of his coat, which he threw onto the floor as he walked into the bedroom. His steps stopped as his jaw dropped when he saw you lying on the bed. “Holy-” He trailed off, eyes widening at the sight of you in the skimpy outfit. A smirk began to spread across his face. “Looks like Christmas came early this year.”

You giggled, smiling widely at the man you loved, and the man you who was about to fuck the shit out of you.

JJ's eyes roamed over you, taking in the view. He couldn't help but smile, a low whistle leaving his lips. “You look...” He paused, shaking his head. “I don’t even have words.” He walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge, resting a hand on your thigh, his touch possessive. “And all for me?”

“All for you jay” you purred, standing between his legs, before continuing with a flirty and teasing tone, “Have you been good or bad this year?”

JJ chuckled, running his hand up your thigh, closer to the short skirt. “Depends on what you'd call good or bad, darlin'.”He leaned in closer, the scent of his aftershave almost intoxicating. “I've been known to toe the line a few times.”

With a heart-felt giggle, music to JJ’s ears, you grabbed him by his work shirt collar before turning him around and pushing him into the bed so you can crawl on top of him and get started.

JJ let out a surprised grunt as you flip him onto his back, his body bouncing slightly on the bed. A grin forms on his face as he looks up at you, eyes darkened with desire. “Mmm, you play dirty, don't ya?”

Afterwards, the bed sheets were messed up and creased, liquids on practically every inch of the grey fabric, your fluffy red skirt hiked up as you and JJ panted together in rhythm.

JJ's chest rose and fell with each breath, his heart pounding wildly as he lay there, utterly spent. The sheets were tangled, rose petals scattered on the bed. His hand reached over, lazily tracing the exposed skin of your thigh. “That,” he panted. “Was...something else, darlin'.”

You giggled and immediately teased, fixing your messy hair, “ No round four, then?”

JJ chuckled at your suggestion but shook his head. “As much as I'd love to, I think I need a minute to recover here,” he said, grinning. “You're gonna be the death of me, y'know that?”

JJ propped himself up on his elbow, lazily watching you. The aftermath of their encounter was still clear in the mess they had made, the air filled with the scent of sweat and desire.

Despite his earlier exhaustion, JJ couldn't seem to take his eyes off you. His gaze wandered over your flushed body, taking in every curve and contour. His hand, still resting on your thigh, gave a soft squeeze as he spoke. “You're stunning, you know that? Absolutely stunning.”

As JJ spoke, his thumb gently began to rub circles on your thigh. His tone was soft and sincere. “Sometimes I still can't believe you're mine. That I get to be the one who gets to touch you, to kiss you, to make you feel good. It's like I won the damn lottery or something.”

You and JJ made this a tradition, every holiday you dressed up for each other and made love.

The weeks seemed to fly by, and each holiday season, JJ and you continued your tradition of dressing up for one another. Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and even Valentine's Day, the two of you would surprises one another with sexy outfits, eager to see each other's reactions. Even as time went on and the world around them changed, the tradition stayed the same.

“You’re a fucking leaporcaun?” You spoke in disbelief, unbuckling your jacket as you looked over your boyfriend, who was wearing a cheap ginger wig, green hat and stuck on beard. He paired it with some green bottoms, a brown belt and a satchel full of fake gold coins.

His chest glistened in the sun coming from his bedroom window, he was so sexy.

JJ stood in the hallway, dressed in a ridiculously stereotypical leprechaun outfit. Green top hat, green tights, suspenders, the whole shebang. He struck a pose, his face adorned with a wide grin. “Yep, I'm a feckin' leprechaun, darlin'!” He spoke in a really terrible Irish accent as you giggled at him.

You laughed loudly, holding your stomach, “I don’t want to fuck a leprechaun!”.

JJ feigned offense, a hand dramatically pressed against his chest. “Ah now, don't be like that, lass. Don't you know us leprechauns are lucky to the touch?” He took a step closer, a playful glimmer in his eyes.

“Lass?” You laughed again, raising a brow as JJ walked closer, “Plus, your accent is horrible.” You added with a smirk.

JJ laughed, throwing his head back. “Come on now, I'm doing the best I can here. Can't all of us have a perfect Irish accent like you.” He winked, before breaking into an intentionally bad Irish jig. “Let's see how lucky you are today, lassie!” He chuckled in his Irish accent as he yelled and threw you over his shoulder while you squealed and mirrored his laughter.

JJ's strong arms scooped you up off the ground, effortlessly tossing you over his shoulder. His laughter filled the air as he carried you into the bedroom. “I'm taking you to me pot o' gold!”

Afterwards JJ sprawled out on the bed, panting heavily, his chest rising and falling. His leprechaun outfit was disheveled, the green tights tangled around one of his legs, the top hat sitting comically askew on his head. The money sack was strewn to the side, emptied of its ‘gold coins.’ He looked over at you, his eyes sparkling with exhaustion and satisfaction.

You fixed his hat and smiled, “sexiest leprechaun.”

[tavolgisvist]

The Lovers That Never Were

(for @i-am-the-oyster because)

As for you, you sit there playing this game You keep me waiting

(The Lovers That Never Were, 1987)

Don't keep me waiting here Lead me to your door

(The Long and Winding Road, 1969)

Linda: The sad thing is that John and Paul both had problems and they loved each other and, boy, could they have helped each other! If they had only communicated! It frustrates me no end, because I was just some chick from New York when I walked into all of that. God, if I’d known what I know now… All I could do was sit there watching them play these games…

(Paul and Linda McCartney, Dec.1984, interview with Joan Goodman for Playboy, 1984)

All of the clocks have run down Time's at an end

(The Lovers That Never Were, 1987)

But in a final tender moment, the Observer said, Lennon wrote under a photo of himself with McCartney: “The minutes are crumbling away.”

(Associated Press: Lennon’s resentment of McCartney reflected in book notes, July 20th, 1986)

So you, you must tell me something,…I love you, Say goodbye or anything

(The Lovers That Never Were, 1987)

And I won't go away until you tell me so No, I'll never go away Yes, I know what I feel to be right

(No More Lonely Nights, 1984)

When all of the clocks have run down All over the world We'll be the lovers that never were

(The Lovers That Never Were, 1987)

In another world we could Stand on top of the mountain With our flag unfurled In time to come In time to come we will be Dancing to the beat played On a different drum

(Tug of War, 1980/82)

We had the whole musical universe to choose from – a rock and roll song, a love song, what would it be? – so I said, “Well, let’s start with Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. Let’s think of them”, so we started off and ‘The Lovers That Never Were’ came out. It was our first song together.

We did a nice but very, very rough demo of it, just Elvis and me, but when we tried to record it properly it didn’t really work out. So I ignored it for Flowers In The Dirt and decided to try it again for this album. And we thought of bringing in a 4/4 bass drum over a 3/4 song ~ this is for the musicians among you – which just makes it swing. It’s an old rhythm trick but it made it come alive, and we then had a version that we liked.

(Paul McCartney, 1993, Club Sandwich)

It was a waltz and not working, until Paul said, How about putting a 4/4 on top of this thing. And that was so complicated, waltz and 4/4 at the same time, but I tried and Paul’s looking at me saying, You all right? I’m struggling (claps in fours, stamps in threes), but I say, Just give me five minutes. A real head twister, but it was such a groove. Made the song happen.

(Blair Cunningham, from the “New World Tour”)

Baby’s In Black we did because we like waltz time – we used to do If You Gotta Make A Fool Of Somebody, a cool 3/4 blues thing. And other bands would notice that and say, ‘Shit man, you’re doing something in 3/4.’ So we’d got known for that. And I think also John and I wanted to do something bluesy, a bit darker, more grown-up, rather than just straight pop. It was more ‘baby’s in black’ as in mourning. Our favourite colour was black, as well

(Paul McCartney, Anthology)

“Baby’s in Black” was recorded by the Beatles on 11 August 1964, and was the first song recorded for Beatles for Sale. Lennon and McCartney sang their vocal parts simultaneously through the same microphone. This was done at their own insistence in order to achieve a closer feel to the performance. (x)

It was very much co-written and we both sang it. Sometimes the harmony that I was writing in sympathy to John’s melody would take over and become a stronger melody. Suddenly a piebald rabbit came out of the hat! When people wrote out the music score they would ask, ‘Which one is the melody?’ because it was so co-written that you could actually take either. We rather liked this one. It was not so much a work job, there was a bit more cred about this one. It’s got a good middle.

(Paul McCartney in Many Years From Now by Barry Miles, 1997)

They performed Baby’s in Black live during their appearances from late 1964 until their last tour in 1966. In 1996, a live version of Baby’s in Black was released as a B-side to Real Love, the second single from their Anthology project.

[axetivev]

— Summary: Y/N, Dick and Conner were best friends. Unlike them, Y/N was a civilian who just often helped both heros. But sometimes, he went curious about their patrol, and he asked them about it. Which went rather ugly at best.

— Warnings: Angst Hurt/Comfort, Dick, Conner, and Reader are best friends, you can see them as lovers if you want, civilian!reader, male!reader.

— Words: 1.4k.

— A/N: Okay! For the Anon. I don't really know if you want this to be a ship, or platonic. So I'll make it platonic but it's possible to be seen as poly if you want, I'll be on a hiatus for a while... I'll be on hiatus in March. Probably back in the end (30-31) I'll be back. But hey! Regardless, I hope everyone has a nice day and enjoyed this fic!!

— Pairing: Dick Grayson & Male!Reader & Conner Kent

That very day where Y/N met both of his friends, Dick Grayson and Conner Kent. Everything changed significantly about his life.

How he met them was odd, perhaps. Coming to Metropolis City for meeting a friend, Y/N find the Kryptonian bloody after a battle Y/N’s memory itself felt blurry. What he could recall was seeing Superboy being thrown roughly to one of the building on Metropolis after winning the battle. Perfectly next to Y/N who watched everything with widened eyes.

Feeling empathy—he did whatever he could to helped the hero, even after Superboy himself said there’s no need for. But Y/N insisted, cleaning every blood and wound like a doctor treating a patient, while the Kryptonian just watched every move, every wound.

“And… final wound.” Y/N muttered under his breath as he finished wrapping an injury around the Kryptonian’s arm.

As for Superboy, he took a look over the medical tape—covering the wounds which surprised him. Specially for some civilian who was dumbfounded seeing him just fighting. The Kryptonian nodded to himself before standing up.

“Thank you… erm…” Superboy gave Y/N a hand, which he took. “It’s… nothing. It’s M/N.” Y/N looked down to their hands while they shook hands.

“Ah, yeah. M/N, thank you.” Both male’s hand just, shook. Neither of them stop while they make eye contact. It’s awkward at most. “Are you a civilian from here?” Superboy added. “N–No. I’m from Blüdhaven. I’m just visiting a friend.” Y/N immediately spoke as their hands parted.

Superboy looked up, placing a finger to his chin as if he was thinking of something—a light bulb lit up, remembering the city name. He thanked Y/N again, before with a single blink, somehow the Kryptonian was gone. Y/N was looked around, he didn’t expect an half Kryptonian to just be gone with a single blink. Yet—he didn’t ask further, he just walked to his destination.

“Shit no way, you actually saves a superhero!?” One of Y/N’s friends spit his water with jaw dropped, while some where gasping silence.

“I mean, yeah. Why?” Y/N shrugged as one of his buddies slapped the back of his neck. Shaking his head while interject with a smirk. “Oh boy, you really helped an Kryptonian? No offense man but really!” His friend drunkly laughed while tapping his glass of alcohol to Y/N’s water.

How Y/N met Dick is like those stories in fanfictions he often read.

Living in Blüdhaven, the name “Nighwing” was known to be a hero. How Y/N actually met him? It was just a casually evening and a fight happened. He stayed inside of his apartment, knowing he cannot do much. He just chilled in his living room, do absolutely anything he could to kill time—when he heard his window was opened, Y/N nearly froze. Going to the kitchen to get a knife, he prepared himself for whatever what’s to come—only to find Blüdhaven’s hero, getting into your apartment from Y/N’s very window.

“HOLY—” Nighwing jolted, nearly falling. Just in time where Y/N helped him, preventing the Vigilante from falling.

After quick explanation, Nightwing said he mistaken Y/N’s apartment was his. A light chuckle escaped his lips, Y/N then eventually welcomed the Vigilante, until he saw a wound on Nightwing’s shoulder. Y/n raised an eyebrow.

“Are you alright there, sir—Night...Nightwing?” The Vigilante slightly jolted and looked at this left shoulder, his suit—somehow gets perfectly sliced, of course Nighwing brushed this off.

But Y/N isn’t having it.

Going to the bathroom to get his first aid kit. Y/N gently treated the wound, giving it alcohol—brushing and cleaning any dirt before giving it a bandage.

“You… seriously—you don’t have to.” Nightwing shook his head while smiling with amusement, turned his head to look at the bandage. He nodded. “Honestly, thank you a lot…”

Y/N just smiled, as Nightwing gave him a hand for a handshake—a gratitude. Which he accepted, and with that, Nightwing was off. Giving Y/N a wave.

And after that, Y/N with both males actually had a good relationship. Him and Conner would occasionally met, with the Kryptonian and Y/N talking about life, him and Dick often talked together on top of Y/N’s apartment complex—knowing both identities of both of his close friends. It was sure an unexpected—more to Y/N knowing both best friends of his were best friends themselves.

After patrol, He’ll met them on top of his apartment’s building. Y/n, Dick, and Conner would chat about life, talking over treats and drinks.

But sometimes, you just wanna know about their lives being a hero, saving many civilians—Y/N and many others might be curious. Especially Y/N would helped them with injuries, Y/N never asked—he kept every question to himself. But curiosity will eventually catch him.

One night, Y/N came with some treats like his usual. But he found Dick and Conner all clean without wounds he didn’t asked—he just placed the treats. Both male thanked him, Y/N smiled.

“Curious…” Y/N started. “How’s life being a hero? What happened in your guys’ patrol?” Dick paused biting his sandwich, Conner just froze. They both exchange glances. As If they were communicating on their minds as they don’t want Y/N wanting to know their life.

“It’s… nah! Nothing, it’s a hero thing y’know? You’d probably won’t get it as much.” Dick swallowed a lump after finishing his words, “Yeah. I mean, it’s not that easy to explain it to someone like you.” Conner let out an almost—awkward chuckle. Y/N? He just stood there hands on his sides—into fist. Looking at both heros. He smiled again.

“Is that so?” His voice was barely a whisper. Both heroes gave Y/N a nod. Processing to continue. Y/N was just beside them. Silent from the start and end, after Dick and Conner finished, they said their goodbyes then gone.

Y/N felt something—his heart twitched with something. He doesn’t knew, but the fact both of his friends—somehow he able to consider beat friends said he wouldn’t understand, hurt. It hurts in a way he cannot explain, Y/N knew he’s a strong man with emotions. But this? It felt… shattering.

After that, Y/N came to his apartment. Crying in silence—putting his phone in silent mode the whole day. As Dick’s words and Conner’s response stuck to his mind. “You’d probably won’t get it as much.”, “it’s not that easy to explain it to someone like you.” He kept thinking to himself; is this friendship just a lie? Or is it something else…?

Those words echoed like music—Y/N felt like those words and some music notes circled him each time he opened his phone to find neither Dick nor Conner texted him. But Y/N ignored all of them. They even called you in some point, making you answer them with a simple yet somehow make people asked more; “I’m fine.”

Dick and Conner would exchange glances with Y/N’s answer. There’s not elaboration. They hang out less, and both heroes missed that laugher and smile of their best friend. What should they do? They expect where their answer about the day Y/N finally asked about their patrol after what felt like an eternity.

And they took matters to their own hands.

Since Y/N barely came out from his apartment, or even if he did. He'll just came out quick and never to be seen again. Dick and Conner didn’t think coming to his house could put them to trouble. Their solution? Give Y/N gifts infront of his apartment door. Simple gifts but meant deep, even a small note they’ll left, usually filled with their apologies or just a small vent about patrol.

Weeks of neglected gifts. Eventually, the spot where the group would meet up for a hang out, Superboy came first to find a plate of treats, and a small cake. Superboy called Nightwing. Y/N isn’t out yet—but from this, they expect at least, there’s a small progress of change.

Soon—they’ll left small voice notes about patrol, not much in detail. But it was short and clear of their night, but if made Y/N felt better.

At night, Nightwing came to their usual spot. He still expect Y/N isn’t there. But there he was, with Conner with that smile felt so familiar it warmth Nightwing—as he goes down to met with them.

Y/N at first somewhat distant. Both heroes. Dick and Conner looked at each other, with the slow breath. They hugged Y/N—their bestfriend to a tight hug, nearly suffocating him. But Y/N chuckled as he tried to hugged his friends back.

[divinedelusional]

tons of sex - jack schlossberg

jack schlossberg x fem reader

synopsis: it's been a while for reader and jack sooo they finally get down to it

warnings: smut so minors dni!! 18+ oral f receiving, vaginal sex, slightly sub jack

a/n: that was my first attempt at writing smut and first fic for jack too, inspired by this, obvi

You woke up to a smell of freshly brewed coffee. You hugged the pillow and opened one eye noticing that Jack wasn't by your side, but he appeared soon with a mug of coffee and a tray with food for you.

"You look so beautiful, honey" he said putting coffee and tray aside and gave you a slow kiss.

You indeed look amazing. Morning sun illuminating your frame covered in milky white sheets.

"Hey" you said looking at him with adoration. "Up so soon?" you asked taking a glass of orange juice he handed to you.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't reschedule the meeting, I forgot to tell you. But it won't be long I'm just meeting this guy about a podcast I agreed to do"

You smiled at him as he kept going.

"But after that I'm all yours. It's a little make up for it" he added pointing to the tray with your food. He made you an avocado toast with beacon on a side and an egg.

"It's great Jack, thank you so much" you said lifting yourself to kiss him. When you pulled you touched a small earring on his left ear.

"I still can't believe you pierced your ears" you chuckled.

"You like it babe?"

"Mhmm of course, you look hot as fuck"

You guys didn't see each other for the day, as Jack went out of town and you had been busy the day before. He came home on the evening when you were already half asleep. You greeted him and saw the earrings and wanted to wait for him, but you were asleep like a baby when he came from the shower.

"Would show you how much I like 'em babe, but what can I do if you're leaving me for a morning" you sighed dramatically.

"Then I'll make sure this meeting goes fast because holy shit..." he kissed you. "I want you so bad you have no idea" he kissed you again, slipping his tounge into your mouth. You almost moaned but didn't wanted to rile him up and make him late.

"Easy easy, we'll have a whole day once you're back" you chuckled.

Jack sighed and smiled at you, kissing your forehead quickly and got up from the bed.

You were eating your delicious breakfast and when he was already bundled up for nyc's cold weather he called to you.

"Bae you know what?? I haven't show my new look to the world yet"

He already posted a tiktok he recorded couple days ago, coming back from his break from social media.

"Well, give the people what they want hm?" you told him.

You saw him quickly checking himself in the mirror and then he pressed record.

"Soo basically I pierced both my ears andd" you heard him talking to the camera "I look like I've had a ton of sex in my life"

You were glad he stopped recording bc you snorted at the last part.

"What?" he asked

"Nothing babe, go you're gonna be late" you said laughing.

God, this man, you thought. He was unbelievable sometimes, but one thing you knew, you'll make sure he'd have sex today. A lot.

You've been reading your book, patiently waiting for your boyfriend. You couldn't focus on the plot as once again your thoughts drifted to the things you wanted to do with Jack. You haven't had sex for almost a week now. Both of you had really busy schedule and then Jack went to Boston. He was feeling down lately with the whole shutting down JFK's library thing. You loved how passionate he was with serving his country but you wished he could relax more. You were there for him of course, comforting him and he was so grateful for that.

But you felt like you both needed different kind of relaxation now. And God, you couldn't wait for it. You felt a growing need in you lower stomach, putting a hand over your mound and pressing lightly. You wanted to put your fingers into your cunt but decided not to. You and Jack didn't have this rule that you couldn't touch yourselves without the other, but you just wanted to wait for him. You could make yourself cum, but you were too needy today. You just knew your fingers wouldn't be enough to satisfy you. You wanted your man's cock. Badly. You wanted him to fuck you so deep you'd see a bulge in your belly.

"Oh fuck" you moaned at the thought and you knew your pussy was already soaked.

Just then you heard keys in the door and sighed with relief. Your torture was bout to end. You heard Jack taking of his shoes and water running as he washed his hands in the bathroom.

"Hi" you said when you came to him, wrapping your hands around his waist.

"Hi" he said, turning around and he pecked your lips. You didn't let him go as you sucked on his tounge. He let out a small moan and opened his mouth wider for you. Still in his embrace you pushed his chest and you walked to the kitchen, while kissing, well more likely licking all over your lips.

"Are you hungry?" you asked, pressing your hips to Jack's.

"Mhm" his voice an octave lower "not for food tho" he said and picked you up, turning around and sitting you on a kitchen island. You squealed at his action and sensation of a cold marble under your thighs. He kissed you, less sloppy this time, and you spread your legs wider when he moved to your neck.

"Jack" you moaned, when he sucked a hickey on your neck, licking over his piece of work.

"As much as I would love to fuck you here..." he said, voice muffled when he started to kiss the other side of your neck, massaging your left boob. "...i can't have my girl sore so early" he took your shorts of when he said that. "My, my what do we have here?" his eyes widened at the sight of a wet spot on your panties, one of his favorite pairs. It was thong made of cotton, burgundy red shade, with lace hugging your hip bones.

"Baby..." you whined quietly when Jack traced his finger over your clothed pussy.

"What honey? Don't be shy, what do you want me to do?"

"Jack, please, do whatever you want to do with me, please, I can't wait anymore"

"Oh baby, I don't wanna torture you. I missed this tight pussy so much. What was that, like four days I haven't felt her?" he was kneeling down, taking off your panties.

"Five"

He started by kissing your ankle, going up with his feather light kisses. He reached your thighs and wanted to tease you a little bit longer but his mind went blank when he was met with the sight of your glistening cunt and her delicious smell. His head empty, only a primal need and hunger left in.

"Fuckin shit, I can't wait any fucking longer" he panted and dived in.

He held your thighs in place, tho he knew he's going to let them go in a minute and let you crush his head with 'em. Usually he started slowly, giving kitten licks to your clit, teasing a finger at your entrance, but he was hungry today and he wanted to take what was his.

His tounge pushed through your folds, going straight for your hole. He pushed it as deep as he could, without a warning and you pulled his hair immediately.

"Oh my fucking... god, Jack please" you moaned. You loved when he tounge fucked your pussy. He would have the stupidest shit eating grin on his face if he wasn't thrusting his tounge in and out of you with such force.

God, his tounge will hurt, you thought to yourself, though you couldn't care much, when your boyfriend was making you feel like this. You were already getting close, to fast for your liking, but you knew you couldn't blame yourself. You pussy was starving for attention and your boyfriend was always so fucking good with his mouth. You were about to tell him that you're gonna cum, when his tounge slid out of you. You wanted to protest, but in the blink of an eye you felt a whole different sensation when Jack had spit directly onto your clit. High pitched whine escaped your throat and you buried your fingers deeper in Jack's hair. His mouth instantly went back to your pussy, his tounge danced on your clit, giving it just the right amount of pressure. He knew you were seconds away from cumming when your nails scratched his scalp harder than before. You were a mess above him and you screamed his name, when with one final flick of his tounge you came all over his face. He lapped at your spasming hole and his nose was pressing against your sensitive bud.

"Jack, Jack, stop, I can't anymore..." you whined and he listened to your pleas and stopped the assault on your pussy.

He lifted himself up, positioning his body between your legs. You were propped up on your elbows and were looking at his face soaked with your juices, when he leaned in.

"Taste yourself, pretty girl" he murmured, before pressing his lips to yours. Your mouth opened right away, letting him in. You kissed so agonizingly slow, but you loved when he got sloppy with his kisses, like he didn't want to leave any part untouched.

Kisses might have been slow, but movements of his hips were getting faster with each second. Suddenly you became aware of your boyfriend's raging erection, grinding on your wet pussy.

"Jack, wait"

"Nnghh, no" he mumbled pulling you to himself again, but you pushed him back before he could kiss you again. He watched you, shocked for a second, his frame resting against the headboard right know. His pupils widened when you climbed on top of him.

"You deserve a big thank you after what you just did Mr. Schlossberg" you breathed to his ear and start to suck a hickey on his jawline. He let out a small moan, as you kept talking. "My baby, did so good for me that his girl didn't even notice how hard you were... you must be already leaking, huh honey?" you asked him palming him through his boxers.

"Please, baby, I'm so, oh fuck, so hard for you, please let me..." he tried to switch your positions, but you restisted. You took his boxers off, letting his cock free.

"Remember what I told you this morning?" you asked, lifting your hips up and lining your entrance with his dick.

"Uh huh" he noded through his gasps as you began to sink down onto him.

"Yes" you hissed with satisfaction and leaned down to bite his earlobe. "Need to show you how much I like your new look, how fuck, how hot you look, Jack" with this words you fully sank down, his dick filling you completely.

"Fuck, fuck, y/n, be a doll and fuck me, please"

"Oh baby, don't worry. You have to live up to your new look right? I'm getting sure, you'll get that ton of sex you talked about this morning"

Jack shot his head back, panting your name.

Already a mess, you thought to yourself, and he has no idea that you just started his fun with him.

reblogs and comments highly appreciatated♡

[cybershock24601]

Figured out a 100% foolproof way to fix whatever the hell Illario has going on. Let him be a pirate.

Treviso is a port city and the Antivan Crows and Lords of Fortune already have a working relationship, so sometime post canon Taash comes to Treviso with the lords and Lucanis is born to be a host so he absolutely will not let Taash stay at an inn when they could just use a room in the guest house. This inevitably leads to Caterina having to sit down for dinner with Taash and they would be so blunt about calling her out when she talks down to Illario. Just an immediate “you can’t talk to your grandson that way, that's fucked up” that I’m not sure Caterina would know how to handle

I just think that Taash and Illario could be good friends post canon. I think Taash would get not ever feeling like you’re enough or being able to measure up in the eyes of your parental figure and that Taash would be really good at calling out Illario’s own shit and not letting him get away with his bad behavior. Over the course of their friendship, Taash realizes how fucked up things are for Illario and that things are not going well with the Crows and offers to let him join up with the Lords for a bit because they can always use a good rogue and no one cares who you are with the Lords anyways.

Anyways, I think some swashbuckling adventures on the high seas and getting out of the shadow of being the Lesser Dellamorte would be good for Illario. I also absolutely think Isabela would make that man pull a Bharv every time he tried some shit which would help straighten him out, and that Isabela and Illario would likely end up hooking up at some point.

[keppa-nero]

hey there!!! i read ur bill fanfic and GAH DAYUUM im so excited to see more of ur works in the future😫 i was wondering if you could write an arthur morgan x m!reader fanfic and how he'd feel being inlove with a man just as rugged as him, especially how he'd feel conflicted considering how he thought he only liked women bcs of his past relationship with mary?? THANK YOUUU

Thank you for liking it 🌞.

ALSO I'M BACK YOU GAYS/GUYS. (I'm starting the other ones I said

I would do, I promise I won't

dissappear completeley aiaia)

Arthur Morgan x Male! Copy of his,

Reader

TW: Short Headcannon \ Gay Shit

After what happened between him and Mary, losing Isaac, just losing pretty much everyone he once loved, Arthur just stopped searching for another thing to replace them.

He didn't believe someone or something would, or could, replace what he ever felt for Mary, how desperately he wanted her to leave the business with her father and simply run away to go with his gang, how much he had loved her, the way his heart had beat all fast. He quite missed it.

He didn't like the fact that the closest thing to that was you.

Arthur was the workhorse, dammit, it was all he promised to himself that he would be, that he'd forget about the stupid love bullshit that only clouded his mind with little fantasies that would never be true. But this one felt a bit too true and familiar to him.

You were... Quite like him, in all honesty.

You were more of the errand boy, just doing what Dutch or others asked of you and getting little in return, yet of course didn't let yourself be completely used or stepped over either. You got along with everyone, or at least tried to.

Everyone was comfortable around you, not like they would be around Micah for example, and you also listened to the ladies' troubles if they felt bad, even if you never spoke about your own things when you needed it.

You were really his complete other half, just maybe more depressed.

Arthur didn't mind though.

He's started to do little things more usually.

Like offering you to grab some thing you needed when he went on trips so you didn't get a headache walking around all the time.

Getting you a cold beer when the gang hanged around by the campfire.

Or just asking you how your day has been when he either saw you in a better mood, or more upset, and listened to your small, not-so-complete explanation about your problems.

So the day he finally gave up on fighting his own feelings and realizing what he felt for you, he did the most reasonable... Er, not approach you.

He wanted to see if it was temporary and if it'd go away when you realized he was avoiding you, if you got mad at him he'd be relieved, give himself a reason to not beat himself over the subject no more.

Arthur didn't last long with that plan anyway. He was feeling pretty lonely and was serious about it this time.

So after some more procrastinating on that stubborn head of his, and writing all his feelings ok his journal, like he usually does. Scribbling your face or how he sometimes saw you helping around the camp- Which he wouldn't admit even if Tilly or Mary-Beth had already realized and called him out on his daydreaming, staring.

He went with two big balls, and spoke to you, for real this time.

"Hey, you, this... Uhm... Yeah- Ya don't happen to be busy this afternoon with any job of yours wouldn't ya? We could have a... Nice chat just the two of us, if yer free..."

His confidence seemed to have fell down the second you turned his way to listen, and he could only hold eye-contact for few seconds before glancing away awkardly, not liking how you took some time to contemplate.

Of course, giving what he usually did and the fact most times he asked for a private chat with someone was to rob them- Made you stop for a second, but you knew him well, he wouldn't do that to you.

"No... Nothing I can remember now, huh, yeah we could, ya just, remind me of it later" You then answered casually, shrugging slightly at him.

Arthur couldn't keep back a little hopeful and excited smile that he had to live down as to not weird you out, letting a sound between a chuckle and a grunt as he nodded, letting a hand drop on your shoulder as he pat it on what he hoped seemed like his normal manner.

"Sure I will... See you later then, hm" He hummed to himself because it seemed awkward, no person ever had made it so difficult for him to act normal, he was so nervous right now even he didn't believe it.

He walked away like you did when he said that, thinking of how he sounded and if he was going to regret this when he spoke to you. That was if he didn't chicken out first.

Afternoon came after a while, and when he saw you didn't look busy, he called you over and the two walked a bit away from camp, sitting on one of the big rocks near the cliff there at Horseshoe Overlook. Arthur leaned onto the smooth rock and looked down as he started a little conversation to keep going, just when he went a bit silent.

"Weird question right here, yeah... What do you, like, think about a man liking another man?... As in how Williamson is"

Yeah this was his logic now, as what you thought about his feelings indirectly, and if you didn't mind then just confess. Desperate needs come from desperate times.

You took some time to answer as well, but looked at him a certain manner that told him you didn't expect something like that out of him, and chuckled a bit too.

"Oh, I don't mind a lot myself. However a man is happy and they don't hurt nobody" And you shrugged again.

Your answer, if Arthur had his heart on his throat already, now you might as well just made him throw it up, as he gulped, looking around.

He was still getting all the positive thoughts he could think of run to his head, that you wouldn't mind since you weren't... The type to. Yeah this was getting stressful and repetitive even to him, and he just spat it out.

"Okay, listen to me then, I... I'm-" He took a small gulp and looked into your eyes, taking his hand to yours and holding it gently, not noticing the way he squeezed it when he kept going.

"I think I love you, man I... I really think I do. I'm getting the same feelings I did when I was with Mary, you're a- A good man and I like being with you a lot... I mean a lot alright- I-I think that if you could give me a chance and all I could... Get you to love me too... I know I ain't likeable either, but I'll treat you right like I've been doing, and won't tell the rest about it, they don't need to care anyways..."

Arthur had almost said everything without taking a breath, but his tone had shifted from nervousness, to more confidence, then to affection, and back to nervousness. The look in his eyes was just telling you he meant it.

You though, were clearly just- Flabbergasted, that Arthur of all people would confess his love to you.

You, again, took some seconds to process and form an answer, but even then you could feel a similar hard thud in your chest like Arthur was at the second.

"Yes?… Uhm- If you mean all that, then I could... Give you the chance, Arthur, I know you're a good man" You laughed slightly, but your tone had a waver to it too.

"I don't really care if yer a man, if I'm being honest, anyway..."

That put a start for you and Arthur's little relationship. Arthur was in fact a very sweet man when in private too, just more vulnerable and like he really was.

He usually just hugs you or gives you little compliments since it's his love language, but still asks you from time to time if he's being extra or if it feels weird for him to do that, mostly when it's more private.

He really doesn't know how to touch another man, but he's really trying, and he's genuine.

Oh Arthur.

[infernal-ism]

I apologize but I feel like I'm talking largely to myself tbh. it usually doesn't bother me, but I'm gonna say — and I'm sure it's gonna disappoint plenty of people. yes, Saint is bi-gendered. and this does, in fact, mean that he can switch between the physical characteristics of either, but that I spent so much of his conceptualizations hyper-masculinizing him to a point, especially trying to fit into a type of dynamic where I feel like people expect masculine muses to fit. yes, he can and is able to be the more dominant participant, but let's clear up what the fuck that even means to both him and to me:

it does NOT mean, you should expect him to take on the characteristics of the masculine ( ie a penis ) just because the other character has the same equipment he feels like having these days. you'll bump uglies as far as I'm concerned.

no, he won't change it because it's possible. he'll do so when he feels like it.

yes, he's perfectly capable of being dominant while getting dicked. please broaden your horizons on dominance and submission.

dominance / submission ≠ top / bottom.

as someone who's had to play a shorter male muse, the tall tree men on main ( Saint included ) doesn't automatically mean a shorter muse isn't completely comfortable with their height. the same way taller femme's aren't upset about theirs. I know I tease people about it, but only if I've seen it bother them. Saint's just like that.

it makes me side eye when someone says “oh, but you could just change”. yeah, and the moon rises at night what of it.

if I read a character is gay man or a straight woman, I hesitate to consider shipping, because shit is complex and he's got parts that align in some ways more than others. and yes, being of both genders and being able to switch at whatever time he feels ( I mean he has a male animated ( bc I think the way the females are drawn are incredibly cookie cutter and make me 😬 ) and a female rl ( because it's hard to find a male that I like vs a female, ironic it's the same issue in reverse ). if I could depict how fluid he is, I would.

let me sit you down when I say this, SAINT HAS A PUSSY NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN. do you understand what 2 : 1 means? goddess during the day ( morning and evening ), only considered a god at night. his Venus ( the feminine ruler and divine feminine) is a raging influence during the day, while Mars ( the masculine ruler and the divine masculine ) is largely in the night. it might feel is insignificant, but it's a major energy shift.

I take into consideration the energies that effect him, how he feels ( this man has been hyper-masculine for more than half of his conceptualized and roleplayed life, it effects his mentality ), and how these things factor into his aus even.

I just mean this to say: if you have issues with feminine muses, or even the mention of pussy, there's a door for you.

and for my feminine muses, Saint isn't your daily dose of male attention. he's more like your best friend that wants to eat your coochie and get off on watching you do the same. idk. I would like to interact with more, but there needs to be a bit of an understanding, do you feel me?

I feel like these are things that can sometimes shift away from a character. you need to understand that he's not going to shift and change to scratch your itch of being dicked. he'll do it if he wants to, and only then. and if he's comfortable with you, he will. if he feels like you're not after him for one thing, it's likely to happen because he does enjoy being connected to you this way.

[godmodebeginswithlesbians]

a woman gets isekaiied into a fantasy world as a heavy armor knight, finds her long hair is too tedious to care for and gets in her face way too much and cuts it short, and slowly collects a group of friends from this world that in typical isekai fashion, form a guild with her. however- her voice is deeper than the average woman's, her figure is generally pretty androgynous even without the armor, and her behavior is read by these people as more masculine than how the same behavior would be read in her home world, so all of her friends think of her as a man. she finds that she doesnt really mind, which is helpful as the government in this fantasy world is like, really weirdly fascist, and if she revealed her gender there is the chance she would be reported and then killed for crossdressing. as she grows closer to her guild, bits of her backstory are revealed, she was killed/isekaiied the normal way (hit by a car or van or smth) while on her way to visit her terminally ill sibling in the hospital and feels really guilty about "leaving her parents to deal with that alone" or some shit. all things considered though, she's pretty ok otherwise. now, she's also pretty genre savvy, and realizes pretty quick what happened, and notices that the cast of characters around her tend to be flirty women, tho sometimes they arent flirty, and sometimes they arent women, and somethings they're neither, and kinda panics about it. she considers her options, which prob consist of like. a catgirl, a mage girl, a healer dude, a warrior guy and warrior girl (twins?), a knight in shining armor girl, a rogue/theif girl, a regal woman who's totally not a deposed princess from somewhere or another, and a younger brother type figure, and figures, y'know, she probably would've known by now if she were attracted to ladies, and they all seem to have eyes for each other rather than her, anyhow. so she decides to go after healer dude, he's cute and kinda nonassuming, and she won't be getting in the way of whatever kind of situationships the rest of her guild have found themselves in that way. so, she starts to act on that, and over the story realizes that hey maybe she should've cared more about politics in her old life, this fascist regime is killing children and people who were nice to her all because they didn't fit the mold of what they were supposed to be, and hey! maybe "she" didn't really fit either, and only thought of a future that was pushed on "her" because there wasn't really another option that immediately presented itself - an easy and nonconfrontational future with a "normal" husband and "normal" kids working a "normal" job and, and, and.... and he comes to a few more realizations along the way, learning to be happy as himself, with the people he cares about, and discovers that maybe there is some truth to that old trope that queer people tend to converge around each other and exist in groups after all, and subtly helps them get together (or apart from people/futures they don't care about) all while making plans with them to overthrow the fascist regime so that everyone in this world can live safely and happily. i figure the eventual get together between our armored protagonist and the healer is in the last couple chapters before the endgame, and has some statement about finding love and belonging and happiness, and moving on from old grief over his sibling and worry for his parents - there's nothing he can do to change the past, after all, he can only work to improve the future - and idk how it ends except that healer dude says he'll wear a dress at their wedding because he generally just loves being a feminine guy, and happily ever after and whatnot, reinstallation of a citizen-decided government or smth like that.

[entries-byemambo]

The LIs Going to the Nail Salon: A Headcanon

So after talking with my best friend @space-of-sk in our private thread on Discord cause our friends know we're crazy for this game, I was sitting at my salon today and thinking about how each LI would conduct themselves if they spent time at my salon. All they're asking for is a manicure and it ends up being my turn to service them. I don't know them nor do I know where they're from in terms of existing in a video game. This is for shits and giggles because being a nail tech is my day job that I consider a side hustle (because I'm actually an illustrator/artist!)

Xavier

First off, he would be in awe of how our salon is decorated. My manager decorates our space based on the passing seasons (since Valentine's is over, we're moving onto St. Patrick's Day!), so he'll definitely point that out to me. My manager is using green star shaped balloons for the decor so he'll definitely get a kick out of that just like I do, they're so cute and plump.

Because our salon is pretty big, calling for our clients when it's their turn can be a nightmare sometimes, and luckily for me, I'm calling his name multiple times because he is literally dozing off in the front lobby despite all the noise. When I finally get his attention, he's having a hard time understanding my directions to get to my station towards the back of the salon, so I'm gesturing him to just GET over here please because now everyone's staring at how awkward our interaction is.

I first gauge that he might not want to talk too much during the service since he's spending so much of that time looking around and being intrigued by all the stimuli going on (the machines, the pedicure stations, the clients chatting up a storm, did someone say they want a mimosa?), but after a few minutes, I ask him the basic questions: have you been here before? is this your first manicure? are you enjoying the session so far? what do you do for work?

Once this man starts going on and on and on about all the various side quests he has, I start trying to recognize the pattern (thank you ADHD) and while not being able to find one, I interrogate him about why he has so many job experiences despite being so young. But once I realized that it is inappropriate to ask someone that out of the blue at the drop of the hat, I change the conversation by asking him if he plans on eating anything after our session is over. Which is how I learned that he burned breakfast earlier and opted for hot pot for the fifth time that week.

Zayne

Although he works overtime at a hospital, I feel like people underestimate the stimuli in my salon: the volume, the smell of the various chemicals, the chatter, it's ultimately very overwhelming for many people (just from me asking clients for the many years I've been working at this place). I think he would first try to block out as much of the noise by listening to his own music, which after getting his attention and working on his nails in the meantime, we can both listen to our own music at our own leisure.

However, I notice just how incredibly stiff this man is while I'm working on his service, which is common amongst many of my clients who work in these very strenuous occupations (medical, corporate, etc.). The concept of "relaxing" is simply out of their grasp so I know that I have to gentle parent them into relaxing as much as they can, especially because so many of them don't even realize that they're doing it in the first place.

Once I'm able to get Zayne's attention by softly tapping his hands, at first, he'll tense up even more out of confusion, but after informing him about relaxing in a playful manner, he realizes what he's doing and eventually releases his tension. After attempting to make small talk and hope that I can make him more comfortable by distracting him through conversation, I learn about his cardiac surgeon experience, while gives him an avenue to yap about his medical experience. I also take this opportunity to ask him questions I have about the medical practice, which helps him further relax in an unfamiliar space.

Rafayel

First off, having someone so luxurious at my salon would intimidate me right away because why are you here in my presence? I feel honored, not gonna lie. And immediately take him in for the service. He would definitely ask me about my tools and what they're all used for, since I have experience of many male clients who ask such questions to familiarize themselves with the foreign environment they're in. After asking him what he does for a living, I immediately tell him about also being an artist, which becomes our main point of interest during the session.

What kind of materials do you use for your painting? Have you tackled digital art before? I'm also traditionally trained and became an artist ever since I was young. I also enjoy nature as my muse and main subject, but I haven't tackled ocean or water before in my work. How did you discover the ocean and aquatic life to be your main focus? Oh, you're from an area close to the ocean? That's really cool!

And with a little nudge, he asks me if I do designs on nails (quick answer: yes, but not all the crazy stuff and not every single time I come to work because it's very tedious!) After asking him if he wanted to do his nails today, with an excited nod, I smile and open my Pinterest app so we can get started on what he'd like on his nails. We went with some chrome line art with a more cool toned color palette consisting of blues and purple. This man ends up skipping to his car in the parking lot after paying and bidding me goodbye.

Sylus

Again, why is such a luxurious man doing here in my salon and I'm honored but scared? After he puts his coat on the back of his chair and tries to sit comfortably, our legs are definitely bumping each other under the table because of how tall this man is. It sounds cute but no, it actually sends chills down my spine because holy shit I'm so sorry, I'm not trying to play footsies with you. And then I'm tense as fuck trying to keep myself from touching him unnecessarily.

He definitely picks up on my tension and actually starts the conversation first, asking me how long I've been working here and if I'm from the area. After realizing that he's just trying to make me more comfortable, I start to ease up and answer his questions, asking him if he's from the area and what he does for a living.

This man sells fruit? Well ok then LOL. I'm thinking in my head because with that face card? Please. Keeping myself from trying to make corny jokes, I keep myself from asking further about his job, moving on to asking if he has any hobbies he engages with in his free time. When I heard that he's a collector, we then talk about music and the like. Realizing that this man is not only charming, but sassy without even trying amuses me, and allows me to finish his service with no issues. AND THIS MAN TIPPED ME $200 DOLLARS ON A $37 TAB??? I THOUGHT YOU SELL FRUIT?

Caleb

He to me, would be the most amusing and fun to work with. Not only does it seem like he knows his way around the salon, but he immediately starts a conversation a few minutes after we sit down and start the process. I have no problem answering any of his curious questions, since he's asking from a genuine place. I then learn that he has a female friend that grew up alongside him as a family member, always smiling while talking about her when he talks about the past.

After some moments, I'm getting suspicious and ask him if he likes her at all. Noticing how his ears got red and he's trying to change the subject because I asked straight liquor, no chaser, I immediately shut up while scolding myself because why you being so vô duyên (iykyk). But then my ears immediately perk up to "it's that obvious, huh?"

HELL YEAH BOY. And then I immediately start doing what I do best: this man spills everything about how much he likes this girl and how much she means to him. To which I'm just there like "ASK HER OUT, YOU DOOFUS?" Of course, there he goes again worried about ruining the relationship they currently have and not wanting to cross boundaries. Or that's what I thought until he shows me a picture of them at his graduation with her kissing him on the cheek like ok girl...(endearingly cause go get your girl)

[shadowhaert]

TRAVIS MARTINEZ in Yellowjackets (2021-) [insp]

[bixels]

I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...