#but like...i'm writing pretty much every day. i have all year actually. but it's mostly been just a lil bit here and a lil bit there
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#the thing about writing fic in a language that isn't your first language is that when you go a little while without writing more than a--#--few sentences here and a paragraph there. you kinda...forget how to write ''properly''?#or. at least that's my experience. i'm sure not every single person whose first language isn't english don't share it gkfjhkf#but like...i'm writing pretty much every day. i have all year actually. but it's mostly been just a lil bit here and a lil bit there#and mostly things that don't require too much brain power to phrase properly. so a lot of dialogue and not-super-important descriptions#but i've been trying to write MORE lately. like...focusing on one or two fics and actually writing parts of them that adds to the--#--continuation rather than just jotting down bits and pieces of random future scenes here and there#and it's made me realise that having gone so long WITHOUT writing like that has deadass made me forget how to english just a lil bit#which is irritating but also an interesting realisation to have come to
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a word from our sponsors | knj
youâve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasnât stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistryâpeople have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny⊠until you canât stop thinking about it. đïž
pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: podcast, friends to lovers au; crack, smut, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact. warnings: parasocial relationships galore, a m*n with a p*dcast, author abuses italics, swearing, alcohol, reader uses a pseudonym/nickname (piper) because writing the meta fanfiction scene would've been too weird without one and i refuse to use y/n, dialogue-heavy but it is a fic about a podcast, everyone is down horrendous, mentions of social media & fake r*ddit posts, ex-boyfriend yoongi but in a good, healthy way. let me know if i missed anything but mostly this is just two goofballs not realizing they're in love with one another. smut warnings: kissing, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex (fiction), protected vaginal sex (nonfiction), a lil squirting, mild degradation, mentions of a p*ss kink but there is no actual pee i promise (...lest?), i didn't intend to write size kink but it's namjoon so it just showed up anyway, slight dom!joon, everyone orgasms. wordcount: 17.5k credits: this was entirely inspired by that one episode of the basement yard where frankie reads the smut fic of him and joe, so credits to both that author and that podcast. spotify, for their podcast name generator. astro-seek for helping me drag namjoon astrologically. an extra special, gigantic thanks to @effortandmore for writing the meta fanfic (3k of it, no less!) and not batting an eye when i said it could have pee in it as a joke. this is as much yours as it is mine. finally, @hot-soop and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over for me and telling me i'm funny. author's note: happy birthday, indigo! here i am to validate every fear you've ever had that the people you write porn about may one day read it. live and on air. :)
Youâve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years.
You can learn a lot about a guy in that amount of time.
None of it is especially salacious. You know all about his family and his dog and the brand of recycled paper towels he insists on buying in bulk. You know what heâd written his grad school thesis on and what heâd looked like in the thick of it, when he was staving off his fifth mental break of the week. You know how fidgety he gets when itâs closing in on Friday night and heâs got a dateâhow much he stresses over which restaurant to pick, which cologne, which expensive cashmere sweater to wear.
You also know what the internet thinks about him. Intimately.
Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is peak husband material. He has cheeks ripe for pinching and thighs small countries would go to war to defend. He has a lap that doubles as a seat and dimples people want to get baptized in. He has Instagram selfies with hundreds of thousands of likes and comment sections full of intelligible keysmashes, especially the ones he posts from the gym.
Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is a man written by a woman.
Looking at him now, you arenât sure thatâs true, you think people just need to raise their standards. Namjoon is just⊠Namjoon. Heâs intelligent and kind and up to date on modern feminist theory, is all. And, sure, maybe in the current political landscape that puts him far above the rest of men, but the way the internet has latched onto him is a little concerning.
âThereâs another post about whether or not weâre dating,â you say, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.
sooo letâs be real here, we ALL think theyâre dating, right?? Posted by u/pod-shipper 2 hours ago
Just like he always does, Namjoon huffs out a soft laugh, makes his way around to your side of the table. Puts his large hands on your shoulders as he leans in close to read from your screen, snorting every time he reads a sentence he finds particularly amusing. Whichever cologne heâd chosen this morning is, admittedly, very nice.
Itâs sooo obvious, especially in the episodes they film and post on YouTube. The way they look at each other?? I donât even look at my HUSBAND like that! (+1264) âł omg ur sooooo right! i could MAYBE buy that they arenât full on dating, but theyâve def at least slept together. Namjoon is so đ„đ„đ„ (+791) âł um how can namjoon be dating her when heâs already married to me đđ
(+3) âł For the millionth time, can we not speculate on their personal lives? This is weird and reinforces really harmful ideas that men and women canât just be friends. (-51)
âHow come they never talk about how hot you are?â
You can tell by the look on Namjoonâs face that he hadnât meant to say thatâor, if he did, he didnât mean to say it like that, with an entire pout, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. âCursed to be ugly and dumb,â you joke to ease the sudden tension, reading the comment that simply says youâd have to be the dumbest person alive to not sleep with Namjoon.
He scrunches his nose at that. Returns to his side of the table. âYeah, I donât think so, lots of people havenât slept with me.â Starts to unpack all the gear from his bag before he says, âHey, all that stuffâdoes it bother you?â
âWhat do you mean?â you answer, the corner of a protein bar stuck in your mouth. Namjoon always insists on recording at the most inconvenient times.
âPeople thinking weâre together,â he clarifies.
You shrug. âI dunno. Not really. Comes with the territory, I think, not to mention how much you love to overshareââ
âHello?â
âIâm just saying,â you retort, hands raised in self-defense. âThere really was no need for you to mention you blew your grad school stipend on a porn scam.â Namjoon looks affronted, like he canât believe youâd stoop so low as to bring that up. âOr that you lost your virginity at fifteen.â
âWe have a relationship podcast,â he states simply. âThatâs kind of what we do, right? Talk about relationships? And the spectrum of human sexuality is part of that.â
You slump back in your chair as you quirk an eyebrow. âNo one said it wasnât, I just said you overshare. Which you do.â
âAnd thatâs why thereâs a dozen Reddit posts a week discussing whether or not weâre dating? Because I overshare?â
âYeah, exactly. Thatâs the kind of behavior that leads to parasocial relationships. People latch onto that shit. Makes them think theyâre your friend.â He glares. âDonât give me that look, you know Iâm right. Itâs bad enough youâve word-vomited all this highly personal information about yourself, but to not even do it under a pseudonym? Itâs like youâre begging for trouble.â
Another comment he doesnât even realize heâs making: âI donât beg. For anything.â
To this day, youâre not sure why Namjoon asked you to co-host a podcast with him.
His reasoning had been simple: âYouâre my best friend and we donât agree on anything.â Hard to argue with that. Namjoon has seemingly endless patience, even in the face of things he shouldnât entertain, and you⊠do not, to put it simply.
Youâre not a cold person. Your fuse isnât short. Youâre just a little jaded, is all. Have far less propensity for bullshit than Namjoon does, so the two of you play well off each other. You end a sentence with a well-punctuated full stop and Namjoonâs right behind you to sigh and say maybe you shouldnât be so hasty, not everything in the world can be so black or white.
Except some things are. Somewhere along the way, the podcastâwhich Namjoon had affectionately named Place Him Gently in the Garbage, even though some people should be shoved in there with forceâhad picked up a following. A big one. And now, every week, youâre inundated with emails ranging in severity. Sometimes people just want to vent after their tenth bad date in a row or share funny stories, and Namjoon lets you take the lead on those, but sometimes itâs a little more serious. Thatâs where Namjoon shines, all that endless patience, and people love him for it.
âWhatâs on the agenda today?â he asks, accepting a thick stack of papers from Jungkook.
Ah, Jungkook.
You arenât sure what he actually does. Some kind of social media manager, which is obvious from the wildly out-of-context clips he posts of you to TikTok, and itâs his responsibility to go through the thousands of emails you get from listeners, but aside from that all youâve got are your suspicions that he just sticks around to swindle Namjoon out of more and more money.
âIâm in a silly goofy mood,â comes Jungkookâs reply, and you let out a witch cackle as Namjoon winces. Nothing good ever comes of Jungkook being in a silly goofy mood, and thatâs quite alright by you.
Fifteen minutes later finds you with a camera in your face that you greet with an unamused, flat stare. Jungkook is used to it by now. Just films for a few seconds before turning his attention to an unaware Namjoon. Head down, pen and highlighter going a mile a minute as he pores over the stack of papers with all the doggedness and eagle-eyed stare of a literature professor.
Thatâs the thing about Namjoonâhe takes this really seriously. So do you, but not in the ways Namjoon does. Heâs all skill and determination and youâre color commentary. It works. It clearly works, so you arenât too bent out of shape about it, but sometimes you worry. Namjoon takes this really seriously and sometimes you worry that he takes it too seriously, that he carries the burdens and worries of all these strangers, that heâs trying to solve and fix things that arenât his responsibility to solve and fix.
So he takes it really seriously and you donât take it as seriously as you maybe should, and everything is by design. Balanced.
Twenty minutes later finds you staring across the table at Namjoon, who asks, âAre you ready?â and does one last equipment check before he launches into, âWelcome back to another episode of Place Him Gently in the Garbage with Namjoon and Piper. Whatâs new with you, Pipe? Any fun news?â
Pipe. It drives you nuts. Feels like nails on a chalkboard. âI see you almost every single day,â you respond dryly. âBut for the sake of entertainment, Iâm thinking about getting a cat.â
âA cat?â Namjoon parrots, and his eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe because he knows what that means.
Youâve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, but youâve known him even longer.
Since your first year of college, which is also when you met Yoongi. Yoongi, your ex. Yoongi, the person youâd been with for six years and had planned a life around. Yoongi, now one of your closest friends, because the two of you still love one another but no longer in that way, which is fine. But alsoâYoongi, allergic to cats.
So, yeah. Namjoon knows what that means, and he has the good sense not to mention it. Unlike him, youâre intensely private and keep your cards close to your chest. Your listeners donât even know your real name, let alone that youâd gone through a breakup a year ago.
âWhat kind of cat?â he continues, like his entire world hasnât just been turned upside-down.
You shrug. âEh, I donât know. Probably one thatâs been in the shelter a long time, I guess. Iâm not too fussy, you know?â
âRight, a cat is a cat,â Namjoon says, thinking heâs done something. You and Jungkook gasp at the same time. âWhat? Why are you giving me that look?â
âBecause thatâs a fucked up thing to say! A cat is not just a cat. They have little personalities, just like people. Youâve gotââ
âBut you just said youâre not fussy,â he interjects. âAnd I know they have personalities and that you have to find one that suits your lifestyle! Like, you canât have one of those really cool cats that likes to go kayaking and shit, itâd never workââ
âWhat does that mean? Why couldnât I have a cool cat?â
âHey, all you cool cats and kittens,â Namjoon mocks, and you can tell he thinks heâs done something again, but his impression falls flatter than flat. An awkward silence fills the studio. He coughs. âAnyway. Do you have pictures?â
âYeah. I also have a list of candidates ranked by how cool their names are. Number five, Casserole.â
âThatâs cute.â
âMhm,â you agree, âbut Casserole is a kitten, and Iâm not sure Iâm ready for that kind of responsibility.â
âThey do say you should adopt kittens in pairs.â
âAnd thatâs how they get you. You want one kitten and they talk you into two, and before you know it youâve got, like, twelve cats. Number four, Party Girl.â
âSick name.â
âNumber three, Toddler.â
âToddler?â
âNumber two, Flat.â
âJust Flat? Understandable.â
âAnd, finally, number one: Human Torch.â
âYoooo.â Namjoon laughs. âYou have to adopt Human Torch. Let me see.â You pull up a picture on your phone and hand it over. âOkay, for our listenersâHuman Torch is a young, male Domestic Short Hair. He has stripes. I donât know what thatâs called.â
âTabby,â Jungkook chimes in.
âJungkook says heâs a tabby. Heâs cute. Adopt him.â
You return your phone to your pocket. âMaybe. I still think I want an older cat, but Iâll consider it. What about you, though? Any new dating horror stories to share?â
Ah, the dating horror stories. Your most dedicated shippers are convinced theyâre fake, that Namjoon just makes them up on the spot to keep them off your trail. If only. Not in the if only they were fake and Namjoon and I were actually dating kind of way, but the holy shit one of my closest friends is a fucking disaster and itâs a little embarrassing kind of way.
âNot really,â he answers. âIâve got a date this Friday, though. Trying to decide if dinner and a movie is too boring.â
âItâs a classic for a reason. What are you gonna see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3?â
âThree?â Namjoon emphasizes, truly sounding scandalized. âSince when are there three? I havenât even seen one or two.â
âOkay, first of all, the original is a classic and itâs a crime you havenât seen it.â
âAnd second of all?â
âThere is no second of all. Repeat point one.â
He snorts. âIâm not gonna see that, anyway. Maybe the re-release of Howlâs Moving Castle.â
âSubbed or dubbed, though?â
âAre you trying to get me canceled?â
âAbsolutely.â
âI like both,â he chickens out. âNow, letâs stop wasting time and get to the point of the show.â
âTalking about cats is a waste of time?â
âIâno, weâve just got a lot on the agenda today.â
âLike what?â
âWell, thereâs lots to talk about on the celebrity frontââ
Namjoon loves this part. As esteemed and educated as he is, not even he is immune to good old celebrity gossip. (Inside him there are two wolves.) Lives for it. Texts you about it at all hours of the night. Sends you links to Reddit threads with hundreds of comments. Has more opinions on Celebrity Big Brother than he does on Ludwig Wittgenstein, sometimes, and when thatâs the case you know youâre in for a long evening. Youâve never even seen an episode of Celebrity Big Brother.
But Namjoon loves it, so youâve become fond of it by association. Reminds you a bit of Yoongi and his love for sports and sports anime.
ââone should we start with?â
âWhatever you want,â you answer, because you havenât been paying a lick of attention and you arenât sure it matters anyway. Namjoon can talk to a wall on a good day, but heâs an entirely different beast once mundane, innocuous celeb gossip gets involved.
And even though you hadnât been paying attention, it seems like this was the right thing to say, because Namjoon smiles so wide his dimples crater his face. âCool. Letâs start with Taryn Manning. Did you see that bizarreââ
âWho?â
âWhat?â
âWho is Taryn Manning?â
Namjoon looks a little dumbstruck. Even Jungkookâs arching an eyebrow at you. âAre you serious? She was in Orange is the New Black and Crossroads.â
âThe Britney Spears movie?â
âYeah.â
âOh. Weird, okay. Continue.â
Your co-host shoots you a very pointed look. âI will, thanks. Anyway, she posted a video on social media talking about this affair she had with a married man. Like, she pulled over on the side of the road to record this. Said she canât stand the manâs wife because she called her a quote-unquote lunatic.â
âIâhuh, thought we werenât supposed to say that anymore. Alright.â
âBut wait, it gets even more bizarre. Listen to this quoteâand this is direct. This is a direct quote from the video, I canât stop thinking about it: âDonât you ever threaten me when your husband came to me to get his butthole licked.â Can youââ
âWhat? Namjoon, what in the fuckââ
âItâs crazy, right? She was gonna buy this guy a boat.â
âNamjoon, this is a family show, you canât just talk about ass-eating unprompted.â
âNo itâs not.â
âWell, you still shouldnât talk about ass-eating unprompted. Itâs unbecoming.â
âYouâre unbecoming,â Namjoon fires back, because he canât help it. The words are out of his mouth before he can think. âSorry, that was out of line.â
You sigh. Know whatever look Jungkook is catching on his camera right now is exasperated and pointed, the corners of your mouth probably tugged up just a hint. âUnbecoming, like I said.â Namjoon scoffs. âAnyway, so this actress was gonna buy this married guy a boat and was eating his ass?â
âYeah. Apparently it was her friendâs husband? They all went to a Taylor Swift concert together.â
âJesus, this keeps getting worse. Big year for Hollywood cheaters.â
âIt is, right? Cheaters and divorces. Something in the water, I guess.â
âI saw the astrology girlies saying a bunch of planets are in retrograde, soââ
âCan you explain that to me? Like, what does it mean for a planet to be in retrograde? Why is it causing divorces?â
âI donât know, Iâm not an astrology girlie. Thatâs why I said the astrology girlies. What are your big three, though?â
âWhatâs that?â
âYour sun, moon, and rising signs.â
âHow do I find that out?â
âUgh,â you intone, âdonât worry about it, Iâll do it myself. What time were you born?â
Namjoon rattles off a time.
You grab your laptop. Pull up the page, type in Namjoonâs date of birth and birthplace, and wait. Then youâre staring at a circle with a bunch of lines in it that also donât make a lick of sense to you. You roll your lips to keep from laughing and school your voice into something deadly serious. âBad news: it says youâre a virgin.â
âVirgo,â Namjoon corrects, not taking the bait. âI already knew that.â
You scroll a little further down the page. âYour moon is in Sagittarius. Oh god, listen to this, theyâve got you pegged: âThe greatest need is to always search for something. In order to feel safe you need a philosophy or beliefâââ
âHaaa, thatâs notââ
âââYou need to have a goal or mission that gives your life meaning. Your faith must be voluntary and it is a paradox that fighting against dogmas may lead you to other dogmas.â Yeah, thatâs you.â
âThat could apply to anyone,â he argues. âThere are seven-billion people on this planet; Iâd imagine a sizable amount of them would say that also describes them.â
âHm, sounds like your faith in astrology is not yet voluntary. Did you know youâre a Scorpio rising?â
âNo. Iâm sure youâre gonna tell me all about it, though.â
You smile. âCorrect. âPeople with Scorpio on the Ascendant need to fight against dark and destructive power in their life.â Is that true?â
âYeah, youâre the dark and destructive power. You keep sidetracking me and we need to get to the point of the podcast.â He grabs the stack of papers Jungkook had given him. Looks more highlighter than paper, if youâre being honest. âI guess Jungkook thought we needed a lighthearted kind of day.â
âThat was nice of him, considering what he gave us last week. I guess weâre allowed to have faith in humanity today.â
To your left, Jungkook scoffs.
âAlright,â Namjoon starts, putting on his Very Serious Podcast Guy voice, âfirst up weâve got a question from one of our listeners in Canada. It says, âHi, Piper and Namjoon. I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She said he was a bit old-fashioned but really talked him up so I thought I was in good handsâand then he showed up to get me in a â67 GTO and exclusively referred to me as doll. He didnât use my name once. Iâm torn, because he was really nice and I had a good time otherwise, but this is weird, right? Should I see him agaiâââ
âNo,â you interject.
âCan I finish?â
âYou donât have to. This guy sounds greasy.â
Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. âAnd why is that?â
âIgnoring the fact that this guy has arguably one of the lamest classic cars around, he didnât use their name once? Not once, in all the time they spent together? Thatâs really disrespectful.â
âSome people are just pet name people,â Namjoon argues.
âWith absolute strangers, though? Itâs really giving the impression that he didnât even know it, not to mention some people are uncomfortable with pet names. The whole shtick is super lame.â
âI agree it sounds a bit misguided, butââ
Ignoring Namjoon, you say, âSorry you had to go on a date with the ghost of less-cool James Dean. Into the garbage he goes.â
And, just like heâs done a million times before, Namjoon rolls his eyes and says, âIf you really like this guy and want to see him again, a bit of communication will go a long way. Tell him the pet name made you uncomfortableâif it didâand offer to pick him up for the next date. I donât think heâs completely destined for the garbage, yet.â
âYouâre just saying that because you donât have a license. You probably think a 1967 Pontiac GTO is the pinnacle of romance. Thatâs probably like picking someone up on a Specialized Aethos to you, eh?â
âThatâs a fifteen-thousand dollar bike, Iâll have you know.â
You groan. âOh my god.â
Ep: #183 - Namjoon is a Virgin
I think Namjoon had the right idea on this one. Sure, the car can be considered lame, but I think a lot of men are deeply insecure and therefore overcompensate when it comes to dating. Women are hard to impress when they have unlimited options. You have to stand out, so Iâm glad he advocated for him. Piper can come off like such a misandrist sometimes. (-649) âł just shut up bro namjoon would fuckin hate u (+204) âł Imagine caring about something like this when theyâre getting a cat together đ (+19)
You think about the cat thing for nearly a week.
Adopting a cat is certainly not the worst idea youâve ever had, and truth be told itâs been a little lonely, living by yourself. No more Yoongi in your space; no more Holly. So, having a new little friend around might do you some good.
Itâs justâ
Itâs a big commitment, and thereâs also the dog sitting-shaped elephant in the room. Ending things on good terms means youâre still Yoongiâs second-choice sitter whenever he has to go out of town, and while you love Holly dearly (the two of you had adopted him together, after all), heâs a lot like his father in a lot of ways.
Should I get a cat, you type out, and itâs only been in Yoongiâs inbox a few seconds before the most unflattering picture youâve ever taken of him is flashing across your screen.
âAre you dying?â you ask, because Yoongi doesnât call you for much else.
And you already know what his response is going to be. âWeâre all dying.â
âLighten up, Yoongi. One might say being so existentially nihilistic before noon causes wrinkles.â
Thereâs a split-second pause. âItâs nine p.m.â
âSure, but itâs before tomorrowâs noon, so it still counts.â
âWhatever. Listen, before you adopt that cat, I need a favor.â
âYou going out of town again?â
âYeah. Shouldnât be long, though. A week at the most, five days if Iâm lucky.â
âThatâs fine, bring him over whenever. Yijeongâs busy?â
This pause is far, far longer. âNo,â comes Yoongiâs eventual response, but itâs slow. Unsure. A two-letter word has never taken so long to say in the history of ever. âHeâs, uh. Coming with me?â
Oh, you think. This is where your ex awkwardly and hesitantly breaks the news of his new relationship. Youâve known this day was coming, and this is what you get for staying friends with him. âThis is a fanfiction plot,â you accuse. âHot, mysterious man moves into a gaudy apartment complex after ending a long-term relationship and meets his equally-hot and mysterious neighbor and they fall in love.â
âIâthatâs notâmy apartment is not gaudy.â
âYes it is. Thereâs a giant gold bust of a weird bird in the lobby.â
âWeird bird?â he parrots. âItâs a swan.â
âI see youâre not denying the in-love-with-your-neighbor accusations.â
âAm I on trial?â Yoongi retorts, and itâs such a Yoongi thing to say when what he means is, is this okay? He means, are we able to talk about this without it being weird? He means, I wonât ever say as much out loud, but your acceptance means a lot to me, and Iâd like for you to give me this.
So you lower your voice and soften the edges because itâs not really something to joke about, and you say, âNo, of course youâre not on trial,â and Yoongi knows what you mean. âAnd if you were, you'd get locked up for fifty years. You canât lie for shit.â
Thereâs a beat of silence before he clears his throat, mutters a thanks that is so quiet you almost donât catch it. âSend me pictures of the cats.â
Later on, once youâre freshly-showered and tucked into bed with a candle and a book (Eloge de lâamour by Alain Badiou at Namjoonâs insistence and request), your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongiâ
Yoongi: toddler is a fucking hilarious name for a cat but so is flat Yoongi: itâs a tie for me You: Okay well pick one đ Yoongi: yijeong says get both You: Both???? Is he paying my vet bills? Yoongi: kinda out of line to proposition him for money. flat is also good with dogs, js You: If heâs now being raised by you two, my perfect, well-behaved son is probably long gone. Does he even count as a dog anymore? Yoongi: me and yijeong both say fuck off Yoongi: holly too. he says he doesnât miss you anymore and heâs not coming over now Yoongi has added Yijeong to the group Yoongi has changed the group name to #ThirdWheelChat Yijeong: Please donât drag me into this. Also I did not say âfuck offâ You have changed the group name to People Who Have Seen Yoongi Naked Yoongi: fuck you
You shouldâve known something was going on with Jungkook, because itâd started like this:
(When you and Namjoon started the podcast three years ago, it was in the living room of his apartment.
Surrounded by books and plants. He loved to record in the afternoons back thenâNamjoon loved to say it was because of his grad school schedule, but youâve always suspected he just wanted to preen in the golden hour light, much like heâs doing now.
âIs this really necessary?â Jungkook whines from his spot on the couch. Heâs already swindled Namjoon out of two bags of microwavable popcorn and three cans of sparkling water. âItâs a Saturday afternoon; I could be doing something so much more fun than this.â
Namjoon scoffs. âAre you saying this isnât fun?â
âYeah. It sucks, actually. This couldâve been an email.â
And because Namjoon is accomplished, mature, and absolutely incapable of not taking Jungkookâs bait, the space between his brows creases as he sends a murderous glare Jungkookâs way. âStop eating my food, then. And drinking my drinks. And lounging on my couch like thatââ
âIâm not lounging,â Jungkook argues.
âYouâre manspreading all over the leather!â
âThis is how I sit!â
âWell, knock it off! My couch is only for fun and people who think Iâm fun!â
Jungkook rolls his eyes. âSo you fuck on it?â
âWhat?â
âWhat other fun things could you possibly do on a couch?â
Namjoon blinks. âWatch⊠watch a movie?â
Jungkook groans, throws himself backwards against the pillows as if heâs suffering a Victorian ailment. âJesus. No wonder you canât score a second date.â
âOkay, that was a little uncalled for. There are a ton of reasons a person might not want a second date, and no one is obligated to go out with meââ
âUh-huh. Anywayââ
You clear your throat. Try to hide your own can of seltzer youâd taken from Namjoonâs fridge in the midst of his and Jungkookâs bickering. âNot trying to be rude, but I have an appointment at the shelter at three. If, yâknow. You wouldnât mind speeding this up a little.â
âOh! Yeah, of courseââ
âOh, so youâll speed this up for her but notââ
Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. âShe,â he begins, jerking his thumb in your direction, âisnât needlessly complaining and actually has someplace to be.â)
It was just a quick little rendezvous in Namjoonâs living room to come up with a rough draft for the following monthâs episodes. He couldnât do it over text because heâd fallen down the steps at his office and landed on his ass on the corner of a step and his phone had been in his back pocket. Cracked clean in half. And he couldnât do it over email because heârightfullyâknew Jungkook would ignore them because he has his inbox set up to send all of Namjoonâs personal emails to the trash.
But Jungkook holds onto things like that. Grudges. Loves to let Namjoon think bygones are bygones and pop up a few days later with some evil scheme. Hence:
âWhat is this?â
Jungkook smirks. Rocks back on his heels. âItâs fanfiction.â
âI can see that, but⊠why?â
This is where Jungkook shines: the ominous, cheshire cat grin; the aw, shucks demeanor that gaslights Namjoon into thinking Jungkook couldnât possibly be fucking with him. âWell, you were having trouble coming up with ideas for episodes, and thereâs an email in there from someone whose partner reads really expliââ
âJungkook, this is fanfiction about me.â
You canât help the laugh that escapes you. Of all the weird shit youâve seen on the internet (and thereâs been a lot), fanfiction of people you knowâyour friendsâwas something youâd managed to escape. Probably by virtue of not knowing anyone famous enough to warrant fanfiction being written about them.
But you shouldâve known. You really, really shouldâve known.
âOh my god?â
Youâre not sure who says it. Could be you or Namjoon, but the sentiment is the same. He mouths a what the fuck at you thatâs met with a shrug. Youâre in uncharted territory now, too. âWhere did you even find this?â you ask, taking the stack of papers from Namjoon. âAnd why did you print it out?â
âBecause Iâm going to track down whoever wrote it and get them to autograph it. Then Iâm going to buy a nice frame and hang it on the wall behind him, so we never forget this historical moment in Place Him Gently in the Garbage lore.â
âItâs a podcast,â Namjoon deadpans, âhow can it have lore? And how much lore can there possibly be?â
âItâs the internet,â you concede. âThe lore possibilities are endless. Donât tempt them.â
Jungkook nods sagely, well-versed in the degeneracy of the internet. âYeah, thatâs how you end up with shit like 4chan.â
â4chan? Thereâs Space Jam porn on there.â
As the youngest, all Jungkook can do is roll his eyes. âSometimes explaining this shit to you feels like trying to teach old people how to rotate PDFsââ
Namjoon scoffs. âIâm not that bad. I know how to rotate a PDF.â
Wow, Jungkook mouths. âAnyway, back to the fanfictionââ
âI donât want to talk about it,â Namjoon interjects. He looks at you. âItâs weird, right? Like, itâs weird that people have written this about us?â
About us.
Your scope of the world narrows to the size of a pinhead. Itâd just been about Namjoon before. This is fanfiction about me, heâd said, and you hadnât been included in that. Now itâs written about us and youâre included.
âIâwhat?â
âItâs about us,â Namjoon repeats.
Jungkook rolls his lips. âItâs about the two of you fucking, to be specific.â
âCan you notââ
âFucking a lot,â Jungkook continues. âSo much fucking.â
Namjoon looks at you, and itâs all you can do to keep from laughing. The look on his face is pure bewilderment, both that Jungkook has cooked up this idea and is hell-bent on executing it and that he remains employed. And maybe itâs a little bit of nerves, too, because neither of you are ignorant of the risks. Reading fanfiction about yourselvesâabout the two of you as a couple, specifically, or at least two people who have sexâis weird. Not something you can unread.
And maybe itâs because youâre so determined to not make it weird that you send Namjoon a cheeky, exaggerated wink, shrug your shoulders, and say, âIâll need a couple drinks, but Iâm down.â
Jungkook throws his head back and cackles wildly, and that look of bewilderment on Namjoonâs face morphs into something else. Trepidation, maybe; definitely disbelief, because sometimes he lets himself get swept away in Jungkookâs schemes, but itâs rare that you follow suit.
As Jungkook continues to laugh, you wonder if you shouldâve said no.
Namjoon has two stipulations: the two of you have to film the episode completely alone, and he, too, needs to be a little drunk.
The latter? Piece of cake, considering Namjoon has become some sort of whiskey aficionado in recent years. His drinking is streamlined and to the pointâhe knows exactly how much and what to drink to get him where he wants to be. You canât say he isnât efficient.
The former, though? Borderline impossible. From the second Namjoon states his terms, Jungkook is having none of it. Argues that heâs the one who found the story and the one who cleared it with the author, so he deserves to witness the fruits of his labor.
âNo,â Namjoon repeats for the nth time, âno way. Iâll barely be able to do this with just her, let alone both of you.â
And thatâthat doesnât bother you, right? You force a laugh, because why would it bother you?
There are few secrets between you and Namjoon, except your respective sex lives have been staunchly off-limits. Namjoon could be a virgin for all you know, and as you study himâthe way he keeps bobbing his leg, the slight shake in his handsâyou wonder if thatâs the reason heâs being so weird about this.
Itâs just a story.
Fiction.
Most people donât have to worry about someone writing stories about them fucking their friends. If they do, you reckon even less actually read them. So, sure, itâs a little strange, but people from all over the world send in stranger stuff all the time, donât they? Itâs literally the reason youâre in this predicament.
Eventually Jungkook agrees. His whining has gotten him nowhere, so he just throws up his hands. Posts a cryptic little âu guys wonât believe what the next patreon ep is lmaoâ that sends the internet into a frenzy. Doubles your Patreon numbers almost immediately, and both you and Namjoon do a good job of pretending the pressure isnât overwhelming.
Jesus. You have to read explicit fanfiction about yourselves. On camera.
Namjoon gets caught up with work and isnât available until the weekend, so youâre forced to sit with the nerves for a few days. Not too bad at first, but youâre nearly coming out of your skin by Thursday with the need to know. Youâre well-versed in the world of fanfiction, but this is fanfiction about you: your name, your likeness, maybe even your personality.
What will they know of Namjoon, though?
Will they get it right, the way he looks with his jaw clenched? How impossibly deep his voice can go, both when itâs raspy with sleep and when heâs fully at ease? Will the Namjoon in the story be closer to the Namjoon you know, or the version of himself he presents to the public?
And youâve known him a long timeâlong enough that there are few secrets between you, but you donât know the most intimate parts. All the parts the internet loves to speculate on. All the little gaps that, apparently, need to be filled in by fanfiction.
Will they know what Namjoon looks like when he gets off?
No, you scold yourself, jerking awkwardly like youâve been burned, and neither will you.
Because you are not going to think about this. Your thoughts are not going to go there. Namjoon is your friend, and youâve listened to him scold an endless amount of men on the podcast for exactly this behavior. Sexualizing their friends. Youâre not going to do it, too.
Maybe thatâs why youâre kind of seeing double when it comes time to record. Namjoon needed an extra shot and offered you one as well. Youâd necked it without a second thought and now youâre here, trying to ignore the slight tilt of the room as Namjoon adjusts the camera.
âHowâs the shot look?â he asks, gesturing vaguely behind him at his laptop screen because Jungkook had refused to lend you his fancy cameras if he wasnât allowed to be involved.
Itâs a completely normal question.
Itâs a question youâve asked and answered a million times.
Exceptâthereâs something horribly distracting about Namjoon in this moment. The outline of his back muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. The way the sleeves are tight around his biceps. Heâs always been a gym rat, always carries around a protein shake that smells and looks completely foul, but you canât remember it ever being this obvious.
And you take too long to answer, because Namjoon straightens up just enough to send you a concerned look. Which does not help. You are not imagining what else might cause his brows to pinch like that, what might have his lips parting, have sweat dotting his hairline.
You swallow. Hard.
âLooks fine,â you manage to say. Heâs still staring. Are you on fire? You feel like youâre on fire, which would make sense. Would explain Namjoonâs sweating and concerned stare and the fact that he cannot stop staring at you. âMaybe a tiny bit to the right if weâre being picky,â you tack on, hoping itâll break whatever spell the two of you are ensnared in.
It works. âTo theâthe right, yeah, makes sense,â he rambles.
He moves it an inch to the left.
â
Things are tense, to say the least.
Recording hasnât been this awkward since your first episode, or maybe ever. Youâre sat across from one another like you always are, and usually Namjoon would be making quip after quip by now, talking endlessly until Jungkook shushed him long enough to get the intro filmed. Now, thereâs just silence.
âShould weâŠ?â Namjoon startles. Bangs his knee on the underside of the table and drops a string of curses. âSorry, are youââ
âIâm fine,â he says, cutting you off. He gestures vaguely toward the camera. âIâll just⊠yeah.â
Showtime.
You wipe your hands on your jeans, unsure of when they got so damp. Unsure of when youâd grown so nervous, too, because youâd been fine an hour ago. Had strolled in with two cups of tea and a little too much confidence, giddy at what you were about to do.
Maybe the nerves had shown up alongside the alcohol. This sounds reasonable, and you do not, under any circumstance or for any reason, think about Namjoonâs back. Or his biceps.
Namjoon makes it through the intro, dimples deep and wide as he smiles, and you also donât think about the way his voice cracks and gets a little breathy when he introduces you. Itâs only because heâd been drinking, and the flush on his cheeks attests to that. The same flush that creeps down his neck, still a little sweaty; disappears beneath the hemline of his shirt.
ââJungkook had. Right, Piper?â
Now itâs your turn to startle, and thereâs not much you can do to hide the obvious except ask Namjoon to redo the shot. Because itâs bad enough the internet already overanalyzes every move you make, every word choice, every instance youâve stared at Namjoon a second longer than they thought you wouldâthis is a blatant display of⊠affectedness.
âSorry,â you say, âI wasn't paying attention. Can we redo it?â
Youâre expecting a playful scolding. A ha ha, get it together, because thatâs what you usually get. But thereâs nothing aside from Namjoon studying you and nodding. Asking if youâre okay. Saying, âIs thisâthis is weird, right? Is it too weird? Maybe we shouldnâtââ
An out. Namjoon is giving you an out, and you should take it, you know you should take it, so thereâs absolutely no reason at all you shake your head and say, âNo, no, itâs fine! I think Iâm just a little, uh. Drunk?â
âAre you sure? We canââ
âItâs fine, Joon,â you insist. âBesides, itâll be good content, right?â
âGood content,â he parrots. âYeah, for sure.â He fidgets in his seat, runs his hands down the span of his thighs. Very, very thick thighs. âIâll grab us some water.â
You faceplant onto the table as soon as heâs out of the room. When did his thighs get so thick?
But the water helps. Cures whatever strange, insatiable thirst has come over you, because you feel much more human after a few glasses. Less drunk, too, which makes sense. Yoongi could barely escape your drunken, horny wrath when the two of you were together, so you chalk it up to a Pavlovian response.
Namjoon does the intro again. Introduces you strong and steady, not a hint of nerves, and explains, with a fresh blush taking over his upper body, what the episodeâs going to be about. âSomeone wrote fanfiction about us,â he says, scratching at the back of his neck. âItâs, uh, pretty explicit. Jungkook thought itâd be funny if we read it.â
You snort. âHe might get fired, depending on how this goes.â
âHe should get fired regardless,â Namjoon deadpans. âAnyway, we have permission from the author to read this so donât come after us, and, as always, weâll put all the credits in the video description.â
âSpecial shoutout to Jungkook, though, who was not allowed to be here with us for this momentous occasion.â
Namjoon laughs. âIâm sure heâs having plenty of fun at home.â You both pause. âThatâs notâIâm not implying anything with that! I just meantâyou know, like. Heâs hanging out and enjoying his day off.â
âUh-huh.â
âMoving on. I have two copies of this. Do you want your own?â
You grin, wicked and wide. âNah, just read it to me.â
âMaking me do all the work,â he huffs. âTypical.â
âThereâs a stack of papers in front of you that might say otherwise.â
Itâs clear you catch him off-guard. He cocks an eyebrow, opens and shuts his mouth a few times like a goldfish. An obvious question sits on the tip of his tongue: You think youâd be in charge? Instead he coughs, jerks his head to the side, and says, âI guess weâll see.â
It sounds like a challenge.
Thirty seconds is all you get before Namjoonâs shuffling his stack of papers and clearing his throat. Asking if youâre ready and jumping right into it once you say you are. Reads the first few lines like theyâre some old lecture notes, and theyâre conservative and safe-for-work enough that you start to relax.
And then Namjoon reads, âA louder one wonders if Namjoon is a pet name personâif heâd call her âhoney,â or âgummy bear,â âbabe,â or âbaby,ââ and you choke.
âGummy bear?â
Namjoon laughs along with youâthe weird one that almost sounds like a dog panting. âYou want me to call you gummy bear?â
âI want you to call me a Lyft,â you snark. âIâm leaving.â
He continues:
And thatâs how it starts, wandering thoughts, wandering fingersâthe first time Piper comes to the thought of Namjoon calling her baby, pushing inside her, showing her that he definitely doesnât beg, but she does⊠Well, sheâs a little ashamed. Sheâs apparently got a reputation to maintain, anyway, not to mention a friendship.
His eyes leave the paper and lock onto you. âOr maybe youâd prefer baby?â
âFuck off.â
Weeks after that first time, itâs become a habit, thinking about Namjoon as something more than a friend. Itâs confusing and a little mortifying and itâs starting to affect her in ways she hadnât expected. When they record, she feels fidgetyâsheâs jumpy when he gets close, has all the stupid obvious tells of an unwanted crush: her breath hitches when he whispers (why the fuck is he whispering in her ear, anyway? Doesnât he know what that does to a person?) inside jokes to her so Jungkook canât hear, her heart rate spikes when their fingers accidentally brush, she feels itchy and hot and a little embarrassed whenever he holds eye contact with her. Itâs terrible, and itâs only made worse by the way heâs doing all of those things more than usual. Or, at least she thinks he is, thinks sheâs not imagining the way his eyes linger on her more than she can remember happening before or the way sheâs caught him staring at her lips when she chews on the end of her pencil mindlessly.Â
Youâve completely forgotten how to breathe.
Namjoonâs staring again. You need to salvage this. Heâs only on paragraph three and youâre already squirming in your chair and imagining things that are not appropriate. So you roll your lips, return his teasing. âWell? Do you stare at my lips?â
It works. âNo,â he scowls.
âYou sure?â you joke, morphing your face into something half-pout, half-duck face.
âWeâre never gonna finish this if you keep making comments.â
âYou started it,â you point out. âGo on, then.â
Thereâs some dialogue. Some prose that hits way too close to home, has you wondering who on earth wrote this and how they plucked every single thought from deep within your psyche. A pang of fear that maybe you havenât been as subtle as youâd thought all these years. A moment to confirm to yourself that, no, you havenât been harboring a secret, deeply-buried crush on Namjoon.
Then he readsâ
And then he kisses her. Itâs greedy and hot, his lips like a branding iron. She moans a little against her better judgment when he licks at the seam of her mouth, and in return, she can feel Namjoonâs lips curve into a smile against her own. Itâs better than sheâd been imagining it, really. Heâs a good kisserâfirm at the right times, soft when she needs it, careful but not cautious. He holds her jaw with one hand and keeps her right where he wants her beneath him (as if sheâd want to move, anyway). When their lips finally part, he rests his forehead on hers. Itâs intimate in a way she hadnât expected, and he looks at her as if sheâs the answer to every question. Finally, he whispers, âWhatâre we doing, Piper?â His lips are still wet and pink and a little swollen from kissing, and she barely hears the questionâsheâs too busy thinking about kissing him again, about pulling his plump bottom lip between her teeth, teasing andâŠÂ âKissing,â she says finally. âWhat do you want?â he asks, sinking to his knees in front of her. And if that alone isnât an answer to his question⊠âWhatever youâre willing to give,â she replies. It feels like sheâs wanted this forever, this and so much more. Once she got the idea in her head, itâs hard to know if she ever felt differently, ever truly thought they could just be friends. Or, if in the back of her mind, in the dark corners that she never lets see daylight, she always knew she wanted Namjoon. Always knew she loved him.
âand everything goes right out the fucking window.
Namjoon sits with those words for a moment. Scans the paper in his hands and frowns a little when he confirms what you already know. âThe rest is, uh. Porn.â
âThat is why weâre here.â
âLast chance to back out.â
âIâm not scared,â you lie. âAre you? Youâre the one who keeps stalling.â
He huffs. âYouâre a pain in my ass,â he retorts, and then nothing is all that funny anymore.
Because Namjoon was right: the rest is straight-up porn. Heâs barely able to read the part where he goes down on you with a straight face, turning a deep shade of crimson. Stutters through the part where you pull his hair, and that is not something you needed to know about your friend. You think he loses his grasp of language entirely when he reads, âWhen he slides a long finger into her and brushes past her most sensitive spot, she arches into him and lets his name fall from her lips in a soft cry. Piper, notorious skeptic, is a babbling, trembling mess as she gets closer to her orgasm,â because all the words are garbled together, producing nothing but gibberish. You think heâs ready to keel over and die when he reads, âNamjoon pulls away briefly, lips slick with her juices, and licks over his top one, pausing to tell her how good she tastes before he dives back in.â
âThat was nice of them to include. I appreciate their attention to detail in regards to my personal hygiene.â
âThis is so embarrassing,â he whines.
You roll your eyes good-naturedly. âGimme. Iâll finish it.â He hands over the papers immediately.
Except you regret it immediately. The words youâre staring at are not words you ever thought youâd read or recite in your entire life. Not even for a million dollars. âOh,â you say instead.
âSee? Not as easy as it looks.â
âThis is really embarrassing,â you confirm. âI might need another shot.â
âY-yeah. Alcohol sounds good.â
Namjoon staggers forward obligingly, looks completely fucked out and pliant, willing to do whatever she asks. She remembers the sounds he made when she pulled his hair, wonders if he likes being bossed around, if he wants her to tell him what to do, to be a little mean to him. Maybe itâs different from her dreams, maybe he will beg her. She wants him so badly, sheâd do anything for him. So, she pulls his briefs down to expose his absurdly large member, already mostly hard, and slaps it. Gently at first to see how heâll react, and when he shudders and jerks his hips, she does it again, a little harder. âLook at you,â she whispers, âsuch a needy boy.â He whimpers at that, eyes pleading. âPlease, PiperâŠâ he whines.  âPlease what?â âPlease let me fuck you,â he begs. She wants to, wants him so much, wants to feel him stretch her open, and from the looks of his cock, thick and long and drooling with precum, he could. âShould I?â she asks. She musters all her confidence to keep the condescending tone up. It feels wrong given how desperate she is to get him inside her, but it also seems to be getting him worked up and equally as desperate. âDo you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?â Namjoonâs cock twitches, and he begs, âIâIâll fuck you so good, PiperâŠ. I know how, I promise. Just⊠please?â
âOh my god,â the two of you say in unison.
You so badly want to ask if this is biographical. How Namjoon feels about a little degradation; what heâd do if someone actually called his cock stupid. Ifsomeone has called his cock stupid. You dare a glance at him and conclude that someoneâs had to. Namjoon just has that kind of energy.
But you canât ask because itâd be weird, so you keep reading.
âHow do you want me?â she asks softly when their lips part. Thereâs a wild look in his eyes, like heâs processing all the possible options out of everything heâs considered. And then it occurs to her. âHave you imagined this before? Thought about how youâd fuck me?â she teases him as she stands, stepping into him. Piper pushes one hand through his hair, brushing it back off of his forehead and wraps her other around his dick, squeezing a little for emphasis on her words. âYes,â he groans as she strokes him, thumbing at the head of his cock. âTell me what you want, then. Want me on all fours for you? Want me to show you how itâs done, to let you lay back and ride you so you donât have to put in any work?â Namjoonâs breathing is getting heavy, pupils blown wider with each suggestion.Â
âI told you!â you shriek, laughing in between the words. âI told you IâdâŠâ And then your gloating tapers off, because what happens next has your brain malfunctioning.
âAll of that,â he whines as she lets go of his hair and brings her hand down to run a fingertip over his perineum. âWant all of that. Want to bend you over the table and fuck you right here. Hear your sounds in the microphone.â Even in her dirtiest thoughts about him, she hadnât considered the microphone, hadnât considered recording it. When she thinks about it though, it makes sense. Namjoon is exactly the kind of person that would get off to someoneâs voice. So, she does. She makes a show of turning around and slowly bending over the table, sliding her upper body across it carefully until she can reach her microphone and turn it on. When she says into it, âWhatâre you waiting for?â she sees over her shoulder the way that Namjoon shivers.
This is⊠not good. Youâre never going to be able to look at a microphone the same way, which is extremely not good for a person who supplements their income with a very popular podcast that requires them to speak into a microphone for extended periods of time.
This is very, very bad.
Namjoon must be thinking the same, because he lets out a strangled a-haaa thatâs less of a laugh and more a plea to God, the gods, the entire gamut of higher powers that might be able to save him. No oneâs going to, you think, staring down at the paper again. This godless piece of fanfiction will be preserved on the internet forever, will be seared into your mind forever, and no amount of praying is going to erase it.
âI should, uh. Just read the rest, yeah? Get it over with?â
âMhm. Yep. Yes, please.â
Donât say please, you almost say. You canât take it; not after what youâve just read.
So you put on a show. Steel your expression and your nerves and take it seriously. Use voices and sound effects and desperately try to stave off the awkwardness you know is inevitable because a smut fic is probably only going to end one way, and thatâs with you acting out Namjoon having an orgasm.
Maybe youâll have another one, too, if the author is nice.
Itâs sweet, she thinks, the way heâs easy for her, takes his time with her. Strokes his fingertips along her sides and kisses the back of her neck reverently. As much as she loves it, part of her hopes heâs not always like thisâhopes heâll give as good as he takes, hopes heâll put her in her place. She can feel his cock hard against the cleft of her ass, not even inside her yet, and still, she thinks about next time and the time after that. âStill okay?â He breathes into her ear as his tip rubs against her cunt. âYeahâwant you, Joon.â âNever thought Iâd hear you say those words.â âI never thought youâd record them,â she teases, eyes glancing up to the flashing light showing the mic picking up all of this as he starts his slow slide into her. Piper falls even further forward when he bottoms out, letting her forehead rest on the table. Heâs whispering filth in her ear, about how he has something to prove, how sheâll never want anyone after this, how no one can fuck her the way he does. She hates that heâs right. Each stroke brings a new sensation: sparklers, butterflies, nerve endings on fire as he fucks into her and licks and sucks at her neck, her shoulders, her ear. Piper canât even think, and this is what people mean when they talk about being fucked stupid, she decides. Itâs perfect. Every time she thinks sheâs getting close again, he changes something: fucks her a little shallower, moves his hips just a little, slows down, speeds up⊠Itâs driving her crazy. âCome on,â she whines. âIâm so closeâŠâ At least she can tell he is, too. No longer able to sustain the dirty talk, heâs breathing heavily, letting out broken moans and sighs of her name. Heâs moving rhythmically now, thrusts consistently faster. âOh, fuck, Piper,â he groans, âGonna cum.â One of his hands finds her clit and he rubs careful circles over her, bringing her to her peak along with him, no more teasing. When she comes, itâs with a loud moan into the studio mic, and that seems to be what tips Namjoon over the edge, too. His hips stutter into hers as he comes, her cunt clenching around him for what feels like forever.
You deserve an award, you think. An Oscar. You didnât even groan when you had to read the word âcunt,â and thatâs a feat in and of itself.
âIs it over?â Namjoon asks, words muffled by the hands covering his face.
âNot quite,â you answer. âThereâs some aftercare, and at the end you ask if Iâll piss on you.â
Namjoon gags. âI asked you whatââ
âTodayâs episode has been brought to you by Stamps-dot-comââ
HOLY SHIT THE NEW PATREON EPISODE???????? Posted by u/pod-shipper 4 minutes ago NO WAY. NOOOOOOO FUCKING WAY DUDE THEREâS NO FUCKING WAY THEY DID THIS AS AN ACTUAL EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT HTE FUCK WHAT EHTU FKF DFGLKDG;L (+705) I wasnât sure if they were messing around before, and I was quite critical of the âshippers,â but now Iâm pretty convinced. (+423) âł weâve been telling yâall for YEARS đ€ (+197) âł Glad youâve seen the light, u/RandomAcorn2058! (+5) âł ugh. they werenât messing around before and they arenât messing around now. do you guys not listen to what they say? namjoonâs been dating, and piper got out of a six-year relationship just over a year ago. if theyâve had something going on for âyearsâ that means theyâre both cheaters, and thatâs a really shitty thing to assume about them. not to mention it makes the entire point of the podcast moot. (-63) Why do you guys think Jungkook âwasnât allowedâ to be there? (+314) âł So they could fuck lmao itâs so obvious (+329) âł because itâs awkward af? would you wanna read porn about yourself w all your coworkers in the room? (+2) âł the âitâs awkwardâ excuse is sooooo lame heâs the one who found it and is the one who edited the episode, heâs gonna see it regardless. (+15) âł Tbh Iâm more curious about how he even found it to begin with? Do they have a throuple thing going on? Like, why was he looking for smut fic about his bosses? (+38)
You do not get through recording unscathed.
You are very scathed. Perhaps the most scathed a person has ever been.
Jungkook texts the group chat sporadically throughout the week, cracking jokes and making memes at your and Namjoonâs expense which is par for the course and shouldnât have you off-kilter, but something inside you feels deeply wrong. Feels like someoneâs given you devastating news; feels like it used to back in uni when you knew youâd failed an exam and were just waiting to see how badly.
It both helps and doesnât that the internet is so invested. All the clips Jungkook keeps posting have re-doubled your Patreon numbers, and jumping up a tax bracket never hurt anyone, you included. But all of those jokes and memes largely went unanswered by both you and Namjoon, still too close to the incident to find the humor in it from the other side.
The two of you had sex.
Not literally, of course, but you figure you might as well have with the way youâre feeling. The way youâre avoiding one another. Someone wrote a story about the two of you having sex and you both read it and something about that, days later, feels really fucking unsettling.
In a bad way? You arenât sure. Itâs not like youâre mad or upset or any other synonym. You just feel⊠off. Itchy from the inside out, and thatâs far from the norm in your and Namjoonâs friendship. In all the years youâve known one another, youâve never once avoided each other, including the time youâd set him up with a close friend and he showed up 45 minutes late to their date and ghosted after.
(Unsurprisingly, that friendship had not lasted.)
Maybe itâs because Yoongi had always been there as a buffer. You arenât of the belief that men and women cannot be platonic friends, but being in a years-long committed relationship nixed a lot of awkward interactions and assumptions off the bat. Even Namjoon had known Yoongi first. Had introduced himself to you in your shared 100-level psych course with a, âHey, youâre Min Yoongiâs girlfriend, right?â because they ran in the same underground circles and Namjoon had idolized him from afar for years.
Pretty fucked up, then, that Yoongiâs off in Los Angeles with his hot new boyfriend and youâre on your couch, Holly at your feet, pointedly ignoring your texts.
âIâm gonna get a cat,â you say to the dog, trying to redirect his attention when he starts chewing on your sock again. Holly doesnât offer any input, of course, and heâs a lot like his father in that way. âI canât believe you have a stepfather. Youâre a proper child of divorce now, Min Holly.â
There are a pile of unread texts you continue to ignore in lieu of showing Holly pictures of adoptable cats. A few more memes from Jungkook, one from Namjoonâs new phone asking to move the recording date a few days because âsomething came up at work,â one from the food delivery service you admittedly use too much offering 10% off your next order, and two from Yoongi. This reminded me of you, the first one says beneath a picture of an ice cream cone on the ground, and another one of him holding a water gun that says send me a picture of my son or else.
You eventually reply back with a picture of your middle finger, Holly nothing but a blurred brown blob in the corner of the frame.
Thatâs how it goes for the better part of a week. Namjoonâs work issue lasts four days. He doesnât offer an explanation and you donât ask for one, you just wait for the all-clear text and try to quiet the nerves once you get it.
Youâve never been nervous to see Namjoon before.
The more popular the podcast became, the more money rolled in. The more money that rolled in, the more you could afford nicer things. That meant going from recording in Namjoonâs living room to a bona fide office space. Third floor, an expanse of windows and natural light, thirty-five minute commute by train.
Today, it feels more like thirty-five seconds.
You can hear Jungkookâs witch cackle from the stairwell, and your mind fills in the blanks of Namjoonâs exasperated sigh. It helps, your brain reminding you that you know these people. You know this is Jungkookâs late gym day, so heâll be in a pair of sweats and a hoodie that drowns his frame. You know that when Namjoon has work issues and feels like an inconvenience, he always shows up with two boxes of baked goods from the bakery near his place, and you know both of them will save the best donut for you.
So you walk in and Jungkookâs in a hoodie and sweats just like you expect him to be, and there are two boxes of baked goods next to the coffee machine. Both of them say hello and wave and, for all intents and purposes, everything is normal.
Except it isnât.
Because Namjoon looks⊠different.
Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. He almost always dresses nicely, always looks polished and put-together, usually because heâs either going to or coming from campusâfitted shirts, either of the tee or dress variety, and earth-toned cardigans; tailored trousers that are sometimes corduroy; polished loafers. Sometimes, if heâs feeling extra casual, a stark white pair of tennis shoes.
Today, he wears none of those things.
No, today torture comes in the form of form-fitting jeans and a t-shirt a little oversized so he can roll the sleeves. His hair is brushed back off his face instead of parted down the middle. Heâs wearing gold jewelry that glints in the sun. A pair of off-white Converse high-tops. And, much to your horror, heâs also wearing his glasses.
According to the internet, Kim Namjoon is peak husband material, which you can usually ignore, but not when heâs wearing glasses.
You avert your gaze, convinced youâll burst into flames if you stare too long, not to mention Jungkook will notice and thatâs a ribbing youâd rather die than take. So you avert your gaze and pointedly ignore Namjoon, whoâs talking about his work crisis to no one in particular. Something about a co-worker going on an unexpectedly early paternity leave, and Namjoon being asked to cover some of his courses until they could find a more permanent fix.
Jungkook asks a question you donât catch. Because paternity leave means his co-worker and his partner had a baby, presumably via old-fashioned methods, and itâs not a direct mention of sex but itâs close enough to send you into a coughing fit you have to blame on your donut. Neither of them buy it, but Namjoon is a good enough person to look genuinely concerned. Reaches out, probably to slap your back, but the thought of him touching you is just⊠too much.
So he barely gets out an, âAre you oââ before you choke down whateverâs left in your mouth and cut him off with a, âYep, all good!â before youâre scurrying off to the opposite side of the room like a little rat.
It doesnât get any better.
Both of you are so stilted and awkward during recording that Jungkook has to be the voice of reason and call it, suggest trying again tomorrow. Luckily he has enough b-side stuff he can release if need be, Namjoonâs work emergency providing a decent cover, and he sends the two of you home for the afternoon with all the exasperation and incredulity of a disappointed parent.
Thirty-five minutes back home.
Thirty-five minutes to sit in the embarrassment of not being able to do your job. Thirty-five minutes to catastrophize and wonder what youâre going to do if you canât get it together. Namjoon will keep the podcast, of course; youâll be replaced with someone else. Maybe someone less cynical, maybe someone more, but undoubtedly a man. After this mess, you canât imagine Namjoon would want another female co-host.
But as embarrassed as you are, your traitorous brain keeps thinking about Namjoon.
Thirty-five minutes to think about his glasses and his rolled-up sleeves and the way the denim of his jeans contoured perfectly to his thighs. Thirty-five minutes to think about, âPlease let me fuck you,â he begs. Thirty-five minutes to squeeze your thighs together and overanalyze the way he stumbled over his words today; how he could barely make eye contact. Thirty-five minutes to draft a dozen resignation texts and delete them all.
You groan, head thunking against the train window. Youâll take a cold shower as soon as you get home.
Thatâll cure you.
You get home and walk Holly so long he gives up halfway through and you have to carry him back to your apartment. You take a cold shower and actually find it pleasant once the initial shock wears off, so it doesnât work to keep all your rogue Namjoon thoughts at bay. You make a simple dinner and donât think about Namjoon sitting you on the counter and having his way with you. You tuck yourself into bed far too early and consider going back to therapy, because clearly something very, very bad has happened to your psyche.
Needless to say, nothing cures you.
But itâs a new day, and youâre determined to get your shit together. Yesterday was a fluke, because youâre so normal and so capable of being in the same room as Kim Namjoon.
Exceptâyouâre not.
Jungkookâs there when you arrive, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Barely looks up at you to say hello, and barely returns it when you do. You double-check the time, because you can count on two fingers the amount of times youâve shown up and Namjoon wasnât already there, jotting down extensively-detailed notes, circling and highlighting and chasing down Jungkook to ask questions.
âWhereâs Namjoon?â
Jungkook shrugs. âDunno. Not here.â
You roll your eyes. âSuper helpful, thanks.â
Jungkook rolls his eyes right back. âYou donât pay me enough to also be his handler.â
You bite your tongue. Arguing with Jungkook means youâve already lost the war. Not worth it. But it still eases your worries a bit that he doesnât know any more than you do. That Namjoon hadnât only texted him to say why he was running late because he didnât want toâor couldnâtâtalk to you.
So you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait. Jungkook lets you talk to people on his dating apps and tells you about his new gym routine until your eyes are glazing over. Orders food delivery for the two of you because he gets hungry after an hour and had already eaten what was left of the snacks before you arrived. Cracks a joke that isnât really a joke about calling the police, because Namjoon still hasnât shown up and he hasnât said anything and none of your texts are showing as delivered.
Youâre halfway to hour two when the office door bursts open and Namjoon stumbles through, soaked with sweat and stammering over apologies.
âI am so sorâI broke my phone again so my alarm never went off and then I missed my bus? And apparently theyâre not running the regular bus schedule today so the next one was a half-hour wait, but then IâŠâ
You donât catch the rest, because Namjoon is covered in sweat and breathing heavily and a week ago you couldâve survived this. A week ago you wouldâve cracked a joke and handed him a towel and told him to get to work. A week ago you would not have been paralyzed in your seat, transfixed on the sweat rolling down the side of his neck.
You are fucked beyond belief.
Jungkook elbows you in the ribs, bringing you back to reality. â...even paying attention?â You startle, face warming in embarrassment. Namjoon still isnât looking at you. âThis is so sad to watch,â Jungkook mumbles, and thankfully itâs only loud enough for you to hear. âLike some stupid shit you only see in nature documentaries.â
Well, you canât really argue with that, now can you?
But youâre a professional above all, so you hum an acknowledgment and take your regular seat. Pointedly ignore Jungkook. Wait for Namjoon to assume his position as well, and youâre surprised to see the space in front of him empty. No notes. No script. Thereâs just⊠nothing.
âAre you okay?â you ask, gesturing to the space in front of him when he seems confused. âI donât think Iâve ever seen you without a stack of notes in front of you.â
âI forgot them.â
âDonât think Iâve ever seen you do that, either.â
Your tone is light and airy, not at all accusing or confrontational, but Namjoonâs jaw clenches nonetheless. He scoffs, fires a shitty little, âWere you not paying attention when I was talking about what a horrible fucking morning Iâve had?â at you that makes even Jungkook flinch. A few moments of stunned silence, and then, âOh fuck, Iâm so sorry, that was rudeââ
âYeah, it was,â you agree, and all of a sudden you feel too big for your body. Feel like there are ants beneath your skin, feel like everything is wrong, and you donât want to be here anymore. âItâs fine. Letâs justââ
Namjoon looks like he wants to argue, but he just sighs and says, âIâyeah, okay.â
This is where Namjoon would usually launch into the intro, a dimpled smile already plastered on his face thatâd drop as he discussed another failed first date with that brand of self-deprecation that makes him so endearing. This is where heâd say what have you been up to, Pipe, and youâd try not to groan because how hard could it possibly be to add one more letter, another syllable, but Namjoon seems incapable of it. This is the part that, for three years, has been seamless and easy and instinctual, just two friends having a conversation.
Thereâs a red light on your microphones that indicates youâre recording. Itâs on and it mocks you, because Namjoon is not doing the intro or telling you about a failed date. He doesnât use that cringey nickname. He doesnât say anything at all. His mouth opens and shuts and no words come out. Whatâs worse is that you know exactly why he canât speak, because youâre thinking about it, too.
âSo, uh,â you begin, and Jungkook makes a gagging sound from behind you. âCome here often?â
Namjoon ignores you. âRight, right, the introâŠâ He sucks in a breath. âWelcome back to another episode of Put Him in the Trash, Iâmââ
âJoonââ
âNamjoon, and my co-host here isââ
âJoon, thatâs notââ
âPiper. Wait, why are you looking at me like that?â
âThatâs not the name of our podcast.â
âHuh?â
âYou said Put Him in the Trash.â Namjoon just blinks. âItâs Place Him Gently in the Garbage.â
âIs it? Since when?â
âSince forever?â
He looks at Jungkook, who is hiding behind his hands. âIs she right?â
A beat of silence. âI canât do this,â he half-shouts, half-whines. âAre you two going to be like this forever? Because if you are, Iâm quitting. Iâm so serious. Iâm gonna quit. I canât take it anymore. The two of you are insufferable.â Another beat of silence, before Jungkook stands at full height and lords over you and Namjoon. âForget today. Just go home and try again on Monday. This is soâIâm seriously gonna quit.â
Yoongi comes on Saturday afternoon to pick up Holly.
Yijeong isnât with him, which is almost disappointing. Now that heâs dating again, you were looking forward to seeing just how awkward it could get with the three of you in the same room, but he looks good. Refreshed. The trip clearly did a world of good for him, and you canât even bring yourself to crack a joke at his expense.
He, however, has no such hang-ups. âYou look like shit.â
âWeird way to say thank you.â You click your tongue and look down at Holly. âDo you see how your father treats me? You should bite him.â
âMy son would never. But also, thank you.â He flops onto the sofa. âYou do look like shit, though. You wanna talk about it?â
âNot with you, preferably.â
âOh, gross, is it a dating thing, then?â
âIâno.â You pause. Itâs not a dating thing, but you still feel like youâve got motion sickness whenever you think about it. How would you even begin to explain this to Yoongi, anyway? Someone wrote a porn fic about me and Namjoon. You remember Namjoon, right? Namjoon, that Iâve known and have been friends with since college. Yeah, that Namjoon. Anyway, someone wrote fanfiction about us having sex, and it fucked me up so bad I can no longer be in the same room as him.
No fucking way.
âYou look like youâre holding in a fart.â
âYou know, Iâm getting really sick of you. Did you just come here to insult me?â
He snorts, but his smirk dissipates a few seconds later, a familiar seriousness filling the void. âWeâre okay, right? Was the Yijeong thing too soon?â
âNo,â you answer immediately, leaning over to flick him on the forehead. âWeâre fine, and if youâre happy, then Iâm happy for you.â He still looks doubtful. âYou want me to start singing âI Will Always Love Youâ or something? Itâs just⊠weird work stuff.â
âDepends. Are you singing the Dolly Parton or Whitney version? And real work or podcast work?â
âPodcast work, and obviously the Whitney version.â
Yoongi seems surprised by this, eyebrows disappearing beneath his fringe. âLike, the podcast with Namjoon?â He presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek when you nod your head. âNot gonna lie, I didnât think that was possible.â
âLike I said, itâs weird. It wasnât, like, an argument or anything.â
âHow weird?â
âYouâre so fake, Min Yoongi. You act like youâre so distinguished and above drama, but really youâre just as hungry for gossip as the rest of us.â
He shrugs. âIâm not denying it.â
God help you, youâre going to rip off the band-aid. âSomeone⊠Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Someone⊠wrote? Fanfiction? About us.â
âAbout you and Namjoon?â
âYeah.â
âOh my godââ
âAbout us⊠uh. Having sex? Specifically.â
âOh my godââ
âJungkook found it and thought itâd be funny if we read it for an episode.â
âOh my god?â
âSo we did? And it was really weird, which I expected, because Iâve known Namjoon for a long time, and I never, ever thought about having sex with him because we were together and me and Namjoon are friends, so yeah, it was fucking weird. But now⊠I donât know. I canât stop thinking about it? And now we canât even be in the same room as one another.â Yoongi is a concerning shade of red. âSo our show is gonna get canceled, because we can only release b-side stuff for so long until people realize somethingâs up, and it was Namjoonâs podcast to begin with so obviously Iâll get firedââ
âOh my god, you want to fuck Namjoon.â
Yoongi sounds like a strangled cat when he says this, which does not help the way you feel like youâve been hit square in the face with a frying pan. âNo,â you argue, though it sounds more like a question. You do not want to fuck Namjoon. âNo, no. No. Itâs just because it was weird.â
âDid you forget I dated you for six years? I know what you look like when you want to fuck someone.â
âYouâre telling me you wouldnât be weird if someone wrote fanfiction about you fucking your friend?â
âNot if I didnât actually want to fuck them, no.â
âYouâre a liar. Get your dog and get out of my apartment.â
Yoongi laughs as he stands. Pats you on the back in the most condescending way youâve ever had someone pat you on the back. âLet me know how it goes. No need to give me credit for your moment of horny clarity.â
Min Yoongi is a bastard.
Unfortunately, as you come to find out, heâs also a correct bastard.
You want to fuck Namjoon.
Which is⊠not great, you have to admit, considering he can barely stand to be around you, so you take another cold shower and decide youâre going to take this to your grave. Youâre going to spend the rest of the weekend getting your shit together, and youâre going to show up on Monday and be a consummate professional. Youâre going to look at Namjoon and say, ha ha, isnât it so funny someone thought we would have sex? I donât think about it at all because I am so cool and normal about it.
Youâve got it all planned out. Youâre going to show up fifteen minutes early with your own box of pastries. Youâre going to look nice, if not a little pretentiousâmaybe a nice sweater. Youâre going to be prepared with notes of your own. You might even be nice to the villain of the week so Namjoon doesnât have to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at you.
And then someone knocks on your door.
You find Namjoon on the other side, and all your plans immediately go to shit.
Has he always been this tall? You canât remember. You canât remember a lot of things, including how to speak, because Yoongi had launched you into a crisis of epic proportions and now hereâs the source of it, standing right in front of you. With all of his⊠height. And thighs. And that heady, musky cologne he always wears, that you can still smell now even though thereâs an unfortunate amount of distance between you.
âUh, hi.â
You blink. âHi,â you parrot, and itâs a little insulting how one single word seems to have sucked up all of your brainpower. âNamjoon,â you tack on, not awkward at all.
âSorry to just show up,â he says, scratching at the back of his neck. Very bad idea; makes his biceps bulge. You barely swallow your whimper. âItâs justâmy phoneâs still broken, and it felt bad leaving things how we did? So I was hoping we could talk.â
Talk. Namjoon wants to talk to you. Normally: not a problem. Currently: big problem. You manage a nod, open the door wider to let him in, and you donât think about how jarring it is to have Namjoon in your space. You donât think about how your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden, or what itâd be like if Namjoon bent you over the couch, or the kitchen counter, or theâ
You cough. âDo you want anything to drink?â
âOh, sure. Maybe just some water if you have it.â
If you have it. What kind of person doesnât have water? But you tell him to make himself comfortable and get him some anyway, and you mull too long over the size of the glass. Ultimately decide on a smaller one, because if things get unbearably awkward you can excuse yourself to the kitchen to get more.
âI havenât been here in a while,â Namjoon says from the living room, and when you look up heâs sorting through a stack of books near the window. Some heâd lent you months ago, notes jotted in the corners, sticky notes in the shape of sea animals on important pages. âYou ever wind up reading this?â
The Idiot. Namjoon had raved about it when he was in the midst of his 19th century Russian phase, right after heâd read a bunch of Tolstoy and Pushkin. You shake your headâthough, judging from the title, you wonder if someone hadnât written your biography.
âItâs good. If you have the time, you should definitely give it a shot.â
âYeah, of course,â you say, handing over his water. You take a seat in an armchair, pull your knees to your chest. Namjoonâs still looking through your books, isnât looking at you, so it feels safe to say, âYou wanted to talk?â
âYeah.â He moves to sit on the floor, massive thighs spreading until heâs comfortable. Thank god he canât see the look on your face. âI just wanted to make sure weâre alright. Things have felt pretty weird since we filmed the, uh.â He coughs. âThing.â
âRight, yeah.â You realize heâs waiting for an answer, and you offer up a very rushed, âWeâre fine, Joon.â
âAre you sure?â
Yeah, youâre sure: sure you absolutely cannot be having this conversation in the safety and sanctity of your own home. Itâs tainted now, contaminated by all your uncontrolled horny thoughts about the man in front of you. Youâll have to fumigate. Might have to pick up and move, actually, or call an exorcist.
âIâm sure,â you assure him. âThe⊠thing⊠was weird, but itâs fine. Temporary.â
âDo you think we shouldnât have done it?â
Thatâs the million-dollar question, isnât it? Because, in isolation, reading a porn fic about yourselves wasnât a big deal. No one got hurt. Everyone who needed to be consulted was consulted. The episode made the two of you a lot of money, and Jungkook even promised to send some of it to the author, so your bases are beyond covered.
So, should you have done it? There wasnât a good enough reason not to, because the story itself was never the problem.
The problem is staring you right in the face. Itâs sitting on your floor, a book cracked in half at the spine and forgotten in his lap. The problem is looking at you like you hold all the answers to the universeâs secrets, and itâs no small thing to be looked at like that. The problem is that Namjoon is looking at you like that from across the room but youâre wondering what itâd look like from on top of you.
The problem is that youâve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, have known him even longer, and youâve just realized today that you want to have sex with him.
And you canât say that, can you, because Namjoon came here to fix things which really does not lend itself to a hookup. Namjoon cares about your friendship and your working relationship so much he came here to try and salvage it, so youâre going to keep your mouth shut. Youâre going to say, âI think itâs okay that we did,â and leave it at that. Because it is okay.
Because youâre the problem.
It feels like a small victory when Namjoon sags in relief. When he exhales and says, âOkay, good, because I think so, too.â
âIt made us a lot of money,â you tack on.
Namjoonâs eyes widen as he laughs. âRight? Like, that was almost too much money. Just to watch us read porn?â
âAbout ourselves. I think that was the selling point.â
He stands. You do, too. âNever thought Iâd be doing that,â he says, returning the book to where it belongs. âDefinitely the most embarrassing thing Iâve done for money.â
âBeing a man with a podcast wasnât embarrassing enough?â
He snorts. Gets closer to the door. âHey now.â Youâre going to survive this. âThanks for entertaining me, by the way. For a second there I was really worried weâd fucked it all up.â
Just the ending. Just one more thing to say and youâll be done with this, and then you can take your third cold shower in recent memory and triple text Yoongi with a full-fledged mental breakdown. Maybe heâll bring Holly back and you can register him as your emotional support animal.
And Namjoon must sense the awkwardness thatâs crept back in, because he tries to cover it with a joke. Says, âHaaa, like youâd actually piss on me, right?â
Except it sounds like heâs got a mouth full of marbles.
Itâs no wonder you mishear him.
Because he says like youâd actually piss on me but you hear like youâd actually kiss me, and there isnât a universe that exists in which the following makes sense: you, stunned into silence in the doorframe, Namjoon saying his goodbyes, you thinking fuck it, last chance and saying, âYeah, Iâd kiss you.â
Namjoon stops dead in his tracks. âWhat?â
Your entire body is on fire. âIs, uh. Is that not what you said?â
âI donât think it matters anymore what I said.â
âIâd argue that it does, for the sake of my digniââ
âYouâd kiss me?â Namjoon⊠doesnât look put off of the idea, which is surely a point in your favor. Interesting to note that his diction is crystal clear, now. Bastard. âYouâd kiss me right now?â
Thereâs also no explanation for the way you say: âItâs only been an option for ten seconds and youâre already begging for it?â
Youâd say thereâs no explanation for the way Namjoonâs jaw clenches, the way he repeats I donât beg for anything, but maybe the simple fact is: the two of you want to fuck each other. And, judging from the way Namjoon crowds your space, keeps dropping his gaze to your mouth, it seems very likely to happen.
All that fixating youâd done on Namjoonâs thighs was wasted, you think, as you take in the shape of his mouth. His lips. The way his tongue darts out to run along the bottom at the last second before he reaches out, tilts your head up, and finally presses his mouth to yours.
And youâve got to laugh, because no piece of written fiction could ever accurately portray what it feels like. How soft his lips are. The way he touches youâgentle, but still dominant enough to have you moving the way he wants, have you backing up into your apartment so he can smile against your mouth as he closes the door behind him.
No piece of fiction would get it right, the way youâre unsteady on your feet, breathless at the way Namjoonâs kissing you. How he only breaks apart long enough to ask where do you want me in that throaty, deep voice of his. How youâre so overwhelmed you canât decide: unsure if you want to waste the time itâd take to get to your bedroom, but if itâs only going to happen once, wanting to make it count.
So you decide to risk it. Plant your hands in the middle of his exceptionally broad chest and push him in the direction of the hallway, and if the two of you canât wait, canât control yourselves, well.
But the story had gotten one thing right: Namjoon does kiss like a branding iron, hot and greedy. Namjoon kisses you like thereâs nothing else he wants to do in this lifetime, and it makes you dizzy. Has you off-kilter, stumbling into the wall as you try to remember where the fuck your bedroom is and why itâs so far. Just like the fictional version of you, you also moan when he licks into your mouth.
âShould I do it the way we did in the fic?â Namjoon asks as the two of you cross the threshold into your bedroom, a cheeky grin on his face. âDo it like this?â he questions, pushing you gently until youâre on the back in the middle of your bed, chest heaving as you lift your head to look at him.
Namjoon is so, so big from where you lay, just hovering at the foot of your bed. Cheeks ruddy, bulge prominent. âWhatâd you say you wanted?â
Takes a second to remember how to breathe, let alone what youâd read. What do you want, Namjoon had asked, right before heâd sank to his knees in front of you. âWhatever youâre willing to give,â you answer.
Namjoon smiles. Puts one knee on the bed, and the way it dips beneath his weight is unsettling. Why does he have to be so fucking large. âThatâs right, baby.â Christ, you think, because thereâs another thing that fic had gotten right. No one on earth would be immune to Namjoon calling them baby in that tone of voice.
The riposte biting at the back of your teeth gets swallowed whole as Namjoon grabs your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed. âMay I?â he asks, hands poised above the waistline of your leggings. You nod, and Namjoon drags down your underwear with them. âFuck, look at you,â he groans, awe creeping into the edge of his words.
âYou want me to do it the same way? Hm? Youâre being awfully quiet; thought you were giving me shit about being the one in charge,â he chides.
Because youâre short-circuiting. Namjoonâs on his knees, just like youâd envisioned, and his mouth is dangerously close to your cunt. How can you be expected to think and speak under these conditions? But if Namjoon can find the brainpower to be a bastard, so can you, because what youâd read and the way heâd reacted can both never be forgotten. So you thread your hands into his hair and pull. The resulting moan is enough to sustain you for years.
âAre you gonna keep running your mouth, or are you gonna make me come on it?â
He blinks. âJesus Christ.â
Thereâs precedent. Fictional Namjoon ate you out like a man starved, like he couldnât get enough. Had fictional you writhing and insatiable, so itâs a lot to live up to, but it doesnât deter him in the slightest. He hesitates for only a second, giving you one last chance to back out before the two of you set every last boundary on fire, and then heâs settling between your thighs and making you see stars.
Now you know what itâs like. Now you donât have to rely on fiction, and it doesnât matter because itâd never compare to the way Namjoon feels as he works to bring you to your ruin. The way he flattens his tongue to lick long, thick stripes; the way his lips suction around your clit. The way it feels when he groans against your core. The way he says, âFuck, you do taste good,â like thatâs a completely normal thing to say. Like he doesnât know exactly what heâs doing to you.
But you need more and Namjoon knows it. His mouth doesnât leave your cunt for a second, but his fingers find your mouth, so you put on a show. Wrap your lips around them, suck on them the way heâs doing to you, make sure theyâre slick. Namjoon groans again, doubles his efforts. Slides one thick finger inside of you and barely lets you adjust before heâs adding a second.
In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Namjoon has you unraveling. Presses incessantly on a spot that has your vision whiting out. Has you trembling, a little panicked as you say, âJoon, fuckâNamjoon, waitââ as it builds and builds and builds.
You might black out for a second, because you come to and Namjoon looks⊠stunned. He looks like he canât believe any of what just happened, and you blink a few times, try to come back into your body, and when you regain enough consciousness, youâre extremely aware of the large wet patch beneath you.
âUmââ
âHoly shit.â
âNamjoon, thatâs notâthatâs embarrassingâcan you grab aââ
He shuts you up with a kiss. Presses the taste of you into your skin, and all those silly protests die in your throat, because if Namjoon was needy before, heâs desperate now. Covers your body with his own, hips dipping down low enough to press his erection into the juncture of your thigh, and the weight of him is delicious. Has you fisting the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer, has you pulling it over his head, his pants following. Has your hands skimming down every thick part of his body until you reach his cock, hard and aching and slick with pre-cum.
âI need to suck you off later,â you say, done with overthinking. Time to just be honest, and Kim Namjoon has a dick you need to feel down your throat. âRemind me.â
He whines, thrusts into your hand a little harder. âHow could I forget that?â
âDonât know. Didnât know if this would be the only time,â you answer. âDid you bring a condom?â Namjoon nods, fetches one from his wallet and rolls it on.
He hovers above you again. Looks nervous, all of a sudden, like he canât tell his lefts from his rights. All out of sorts. Youâre about to tell him itâs fine, you donât have to do anything he doesnât want to, donât have to do anything at all, when he says, âIt doesnât have to be.â You just stare. âThe only time.â
Thereâs a conversation to be had. You know that. Both of you clearly have feelings you need to talk about and sort out, but you reckon they can wait. Theyâll still be there in the afterglow, in the morning. So you nod, say okay, Joon, and kiss away the insecurities that still linger.
You think about the fic. Think maybe Namjoon would appreciate it if you cracked a stupid joke, just like heâd tried to do earlier. âHas anyone ever called your cock stupid?â
He laughs, breath fanning against your skin. âNo. Wanna try it and see what happens?â
Might as well. You try to remember the exaggerated tone of voice youâd used. Repeat the lineââDo you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?ââand wait.
Thereâs a beat of silence, and thenâ
Namjoon swallows thickly. âI, um. Unfortunately, I think that really works for me.â You laugh. Pull him closer. Wrap your legs around his waist as he starts to move against you. Has jokes of his own. âPlease. Please let me fuck you.â
You roll your eyes, laugh tapering into a giggle. âDo you know how?â Namjoon nods, looking all too much like a puppy eager to please its owner. âDo you promise?â He nods again. âOkay. Okay, come here.â
You expect him to move fast; expect the first time to be frenzied and a little awkward. It isnât. Namjoon lines himself up and pushes the smallest bit inside, and then heâs leaning down to kiss you. Threads your fingers together, squeezes your hand. Pushes further inside and mumbles praise just beneath your ear.
Itâs dizzying, the amount of care Namjoon handles you with. How soft he is. Does nothing to ease the discomfort of the stretch, the overwhelming fullness, but he talks you through it. Tells you how good you feel, how beautiful you look. Spills a lot of words youâd probably be embarrassed to hear and heâd be embarrassed to say if this was any other time, but in the heat of the moment it all just works to unravel you faster.
He bottoms out. âOkay?â he asks, and youâre rewarded with a dimpled smile when you say you are. Namjoon is a devastating kind of beautiful.
But, as he gives you time to adjust and you give him the all-clear, he also fucks like a demon. What once was hand-holding is now your wrists pinned to the bed, your body caged beneath him as he rolls his hips at a pace that has your eyes rolling back into your head. Youâve been deceived. Lured into a false sense of security.
Itâs almost a shame this isnât being recorded, because you want to memorize all the sounds Namjoonâs making. Want to hear them for the rest of your life. Donât want anyone else to be the reason he sounds like this, and as he ups his pace and presses his lips to your neck, you donât want to sound like this because of anyone else, either.
Maybe one of those times in the future, you can talk him into it.
Namjoon reaches down, rubs circles into your clit. Every time you think you might be close, he pulls his hand away, smiles like the devil. You let him have his fun for a while, let him think youâre keen to lie back and take it, and then you tighten your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back.
He doesnât think itâs very funny. Looks up at you all bewildered. âWhatâre youââ
âYou were taking too long,â you snark. âFigured Iâd take matters into my own hands.â
âYeah? Shit,â he says as you begin to move. âFuck, baby, like that. Ride me just like that.â
You do. Donât change a thing, because Namjoonâs cock is long and thick enough to hit exactly where you need it to. You can feel yourself clenching, feel yourself getting wetter, and the sight of Namjoon beneath you does nothing to stave off the inevitable. He looks even better than youâd imagined: skin flushed, eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, sweat-slick. You want to make him cry. Want to give him the entire world. You will.
Namjoon thrusts at the same time you roll your hips, and thatâs what does it. Has you crying out, has stars flashing behind your eyelids. Has you saying fuck, fuck, fuck as he drives you over the edge for the second time. Has you on the brink of oversensitive as he thrusts a few more times to chase his own end, almost delirious at the way Namjoon moans as he spills into the condom.
Has you swooning, just a bit, at the dopey way Namjoon smiles at you, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners.
âWas that okay?â
You snort. âYeah, Iâd say it was decent.â
âMaybe next time you could pee on me,â he jokes.
You whack him on the chest. âSure. Or we could record it.â
Has you a little shocked at the way his cock twitches inside of you at the mention of it.
On Monday, you donât wear a pretentious sweater.
When you stroll in, Jungkookâs already got the best donut shoved halfway into his mouth because heâs a shithead. He eyes you warily, probably hoping with all his hope that you spent the weekend finding God and getting your shit together.
And then he realizes youâve got on Namjoonâs hoodie and he nearly chokes to death.
âWhat the fuck are you wearingââ
Namjoon appears at that very moment, and itâs so hard not to take credit for the way heâs glowing, the dazed smile on his face. But Jungkook notices, because Jungkook notices everything, and his gaze darts between the two of you: your hoodie, Namjoonâs face, your face. He opens his mouth, something inappropriate bound to spill out, but Namjoon beats him to the punch. âReady?â he asks you, and you nod.
Itâs seamless.
No hiccups, no awkward stuttering. Namjoon gets through the intro without a hitch, and it feels exactly like it used to. Just two friends having a conversation. Itâs obvious Jungkook still wants to say something, but after suffering through last week, he stays quiet lest he makes it worse and sends the two of you back to the bad place.
âHow was your weekend, Pipe? Do anything fun?â Namjoon rolls his lips, tries not to laugh.
So you play along. âNo, not really, just some dog sitting. How about you?â
âOh, you know me. Had another first date on Saturday.â
âDid you? Howâd it go?â
âPerfect.â
Itâs a blessing Jungkook isnât filming this, because your eyebrows raise so far they nearly disappear from your face altogether. There isnât even a hint of hesitation in Namjoonâs voice, and although you wouldâve described it the same way, hearing him say it with such conviction has you a little stunned. âWow. You gonna see her again?â
âYeah,â Namjoon says, sharing a private smile with you. âI think I am.â
who the FUCK is namjoon dating Posted by u/pod-shipper 7 minutes ago This has honestly ruined my entire day. I thought all the stories he told about dating were a bit⊠Like, what kind of guy has a podcast about relationships but canât seem to be in one? But you could just HEAR it in his voice how much he likes this woman he went on a date with over the weekend and Iâm sick to my stomach. (+2195) âł bro you and me both đ i genuinely thought him and piper had something going on fr (+1302) âł Seriously might stop listening because of this! Any woman with self-respect would never let their partner host a podcast with someone theyâre obviously in love with. If he gets serious with this woman, Piper will be gone within 6 months, mark my words. (+927) âł I wouldnât worry about it too much! My cousin works at a really nice restaurant in the same city Namjoon lives in, and she said she saw this âdateâ on Saturday and that it wasnât anything serious. (+788) âł Piper got a cat and Namjoon finally got a second date. Face it, itâs over. (+325) âł cannot believe him and piper arenât dating.. do you think i should delete all my tiktok edits? (+4) âł this is unhinged lmfao i thought yâall hated piper? youâre in here bitching abt her being a âmisandristâ every week and now ur gonna stop listening bc namjoon isnât dating her? pick a lane and stay in it (-64)
Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and reblogs/shares are always welcome! I appreciate you very much~ âĄ
#namjoon x reader#namjoon smut#bts fanfic#bts smut#bts x reader#namjoon fanfic#namjoon imagine#namjoon scenarios#namjoon x you#namjoon x y/n#bts imagines#bts scenarios#jewel writes
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Some writing advice for hunting, bc I see a lot of hunting scenes in fantasy that make me itch. More under the cut. Don't read if you're sensitive to blood-and-guts discussion or animal death.
Finding game:
- I don't hunt much these days bc I don't feel like getting my ass out of bed at shitfuck o'clock every weekend during the season. Which you have to do, because much of the time you come home empty-handed. Successful hunts come about when you're out there often.
- You don't really have to be a good tracker to hunt, but you do have to know the basics of your prey and you have to be able to interpret the landscape even if it's unfamiliar. It's less likely a tracker is looking for "bent blades of grass" or whatever and more likely they are noticing game trails, sheltered areas where nests and burrows are, a spot of thick vegetation which would indicate a water source.
- Scat and footprints are useful too ofc but to varying degrees. If I'm hunting deer it's just confirmation that they're in the area; more often I use knowledge of their habits to actually find them. If I were hunting something elusive and solitary like a cougar I would pay more attention to the tracks but that's also a reason people hunt with dogs!
Actually hunting:
- Bows are not the only hunting weapons, though would be most common in ur typical medieval fantasy type setting. Spears and lances, slings with stones, and clubs would also be used. And knives and swords but in this hunter's opinion, FUUUUCK that.
- Lung shot is a quick death. Heart shot and head shot too but that is much harder. Other shots might mean tracking a wounded animal as it runs away. This is where things like broken twigs/bent grass are especially telling, and ofc blood. Small game bleed out faster and won't get as far but you might spend quite a while running after an elk shot in the flank.
- This highly depends on the prey but hunting often involves more sitting around than people realize. I bring a small pad for my booty ass bc sometimes you'll spend hours in a strategic spot waiting for the game to pass by. Also hides (the shelter, not the skins) are a thing and most hunters would consider shelter-building an essential skill.
- Hunting seasons are not entirely a modern convention -- there are better times of year to find different animals. But there would be less concern, historically, about killing animals during the breeding season than we have today.
- Even when I was hunting regularly and more confident, I got a huge adrenaline spike EVERY time I had an animal in my sights.
Big game:
- A deer has a lot of meat on it and though it's not a bad thing to leave a carcass for scavengers, your party of two or three adventurers probably will not go to the trouble of hunting deer unless they have some nearby place to cache, preserve, or trade what they can't eat before it spoils. Are they leaving it behind or do they have some way to take full advantage of such a large kill?
- If your character gets a large game animal they're probably going to field dress it: deal with all the blood and guts on site, then quarter it so it can be packed back to the campsite or whatever. My dad is a big burly mutant man and he cannot carry a deer by himself. You can carry game on poles or horseback too but field dressing is pretty typical in a situation where u can't just fling it in the back of the truck and hang it at home.
- I grew up eating bear and when it comes up I'm often surprised how many people don't know that people hunt bear for meat. It's tasty imo, especially makes a good sausage
- I can hunt deer alone, though company is nice. I wouldn't attempt hunting something more dangerous by myself. Large animals especially are better taken down as a group effort. In the TES context for example it would be kind of insane to hunt horker alone. Not that some folks wouldn't try.
Small game:
- A character who subsists mostly on hunting is going to be eating a lot of small game. They are probably going to use traps and snares in addition to actually going out on hunts.
- Look up "rabbit starvation." Small game is often (but not always) lean and going without fat for a long time can cause serious health issues.
- I joke that you don't hunt turkey, you just go get one. Game birds are kind of stupid. I plan a deer hunt, but I have gone out and shot grouse on a whim.
Processing:
- Draining blood, skinning, plucking, butchering, dealing with all the bones and guts, storage and preservation: pretty time consuming and involved. It's a good excuse for social activity.
- The moneyed classes likely would not process their kills themselves, unless they're doing some kinda randyll tarly masculinity flex for the symbolism. Kitchen staff or a local butcher would handle it.
- A good skinning knife is kinda wide and short. Some game knives have a rounded tip which keeps it from puncturing the skin in case of accidental slippage.
- Skinning is done with a light hand bc puncturing the digestive system means you've poisoned the meat. I will say it is less difficult than I expected it to be the first time I tried it.
- We don't eat a lot of offal in the US but a deer liver, for example, would be considered prime meat by many and eaten first. Bear, walrus, and seal liver contain toxic amounts of vitamin A and would be thrown away.
- I've been told every animal has enough brains to tan its own hide, but I think there are some exceptions. It's definitely true of deer and elk. With small animals like rabbits it's hardly worth the effort of getting the brains out and other things can be used but brain tanned leather is soooo soft and nice.
- Hides and pelts are useful and valuable and would be kept or traded if circumstances allowed. You can tightly roll a hide to keep it from drying out before tanning, or you can freeze it, basically indefinitely. You can also air dry it once scraped clean and soften it later, which is what fur hunters would most likely do for efficiency's sake. Tanning is also so so so fucking gross imo. Really slimy process, and tanneries REEK.
That's all I can think of for now and this is already hella long but the takeaway is that it is generally a pretty involved activity and more impactful on lifestyle than I usually see depicted. So there ya have it
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⥠Time after Time âĄ
⥠⥠Pairings ⥠⥠CEO! Satoru Gojo x Fem Reader
⥠⥠Warnings ⥠⥠MDNI- Just sexual tension in this chap hehe, more explicit as we go. Gojo is really a dick at first FYI
⥠⥠Word Count ⥠⥠4.2k
⥠⥠Summary ⥠⥠Satoru Gojo is your boss And you've been his head assistant for over two years now. You do everything for him, including and not limited to cleaning his messes, picking out his clothes, and writing his speeches. Sixteen hour days... night calls... You are tired of being overworked and at his beck and call. You decide you are going to put in your two weeks notice. He is shocked, and wants to try to keep you, because you're the best. But you know better. Right? . You really wanna fucking quit. You also wanna fuck him. Also, fuck him.
A/N (Kinda has 'two weeks notice' vibes a bit! No use of y/n.) Fully finished. This was my first gojo fic so maybe a Lil less put together than my current ones
Masterlist-
Chapter 1
You looked up at him from your desk. You were tired, so damn tired. You needed a fucking break, a long one. Your mind wanders to that vacation away from Tokyo that will never happen, not because you donât have vacation days or money. Nope, it was because you work far too fucking much, twelve to sixteen hour days sometimes. For him, your damn boss, Satoru Gojo.
Always asking you to stay late, always running his errands, saving his ass, covering for him. Writing speeches, making presentations, finding him dates even. When Gojo wanted something, he got it, and it didn't matter if it ruined every plan you ever had, you had to get it done for him.
He ran casinos, owned a hotel, a nightclub, you name it, Satoru Gojo owned it. Heâd inherited some from his family but mostly he was self made. Even the tower you worked in, Kamo Tower, was one of the best in the city. Everything Gojo touched seemed to turn to gold, or better yet platinum.
You had been so excited two years ago to be his intern, then ecstatic when you quickly moved up the ranks to be his head assistant. You made good money, enough to send home to your family and take care of them too. But you literally were constantly at that man's beck and call.
Your tired eyes lower as you rest your chin on your hand for a moment, for even last night at two am you'd had to run to his fucking rescue.
You were asleep, but the phone never stops fucking buzzing.
Dick boss:Â I need you.
You:Â no.
Dick boss:Â triple OT pay?
You:Â fuck. What is it?
Dick Boss: I'm in a bit of a bindâŠ
The bind? Three passed out naked women in his bed, and a room destroyed, that he needed to get fixed so he could sleep. Yeah.
The night before? Well he had urgently needed you to pick out his outfit for his soiree, he was too coked out to pick apparently. And Gojo Satoru had so many three piece suits, ties and shoes, it was actually disgusting.
Nanami Kento walks up to you, overworked from his own boss in the building, a trait you two share as head assistants. He hands you a cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup, with your name written on it in sharpie, clearly from one of the coffee shops nearby. If you had time to have a fucking life you would have flirted with him, for sure. Maybe he would have, too?
Dirty blonde and handsome, his suit stretched across his muscles just so⊠and fuck if he didnât look like he needed a damn vacation too.
âLong night?â Kento asked, grabbing you out of your thoughts, an amused and tired expression on his face. You sigh, nodding.
âThank you for the coffee. I owe ya one.â You let the sweet liquid hit your lips, eyes peering to Gojo's office. There was some lady in there, pretty as fuck in some crazy attempt at business stripper, but he for some reason was scowling at you. What, you dared to sip coffee and not work for two minutes?
âNot at all. Happy birthday.âÂ
âShit thatâs today?â You teased, but you did know.
âWe donât really get birthdays.â
âHaha no we donât. But thank you!â
âOf course. Take care of yourself okay? Gojo is⊠ugh.â Nanami looked disgusted as he shook his head, pushing up his fancy glasses. You couldnât help but giggle at that as Nanami walked off.
Your phone rings, because of course Gojo can't just come to you, you must go to him. Your eyes roll.
âYes, Sir?â You answer the phone, tapping your glittery manicured nails on your desk, the one treat you gave yourself.
âMy office.â That silken command may have excited most women, shit, most human beings, but it was a source of annoyance for you.
âComing.â
You sighed, hanging up the phone and sipping your coffee. The office coffee usually went cold daily with the amount of shit you had to do. You smooth down your dress, adjusting the buckle of your belt just a tad before walking towards the giant glass office.
Gojoâs office had floor to ceiling windows surrounding it that had a ridiculous view of the cityscape below. You all were on the top floor of Kamo Tower, after all. The air was filled with a faint scent, woodsy and fresh, a signature fragrance that lingered in the space, distinctive to Gojo.
As you enter, you see Gojo himself reclining casually in a lavish chair, his signature Gucci sunglasses on, covering those ridiculous blue eyes. Which you honestly appreciated because he made shit hard to focus, even after two years of working as his assistant.
âSir?â You stand there cautiously, thinking of just putting in your notice then and fucking there, like that dream you had in your two hours of sleep.
âStatus update on my meetings?â
âI sent you them all.â He smirked, arrogant. You grit your teeth. âYou have two meetings today, Sir, one for the new hotel partnership, then you have a meeting with Mr. Suguru about your casino. And of course, you have your event tonight.â
âSpeaking of that, I need you to come with me tonight for the charity ball.â You sigh, shutting the door behind you, resting your aching head against it.
âI asked for tonight off.â You murmur, and Gojo scoffs, grinning, damn fangs like some vampire glinting from the sun that beamed in. He stands, stretching his long elegant limbs, before he walks closer to you, making the scent of him waft through your senses.
âI'll pay you well. Plus youâll be going as my date for the event, not going to make you actually work. You'll get to relax and shit. Drinks and food.â
âAs your date?â You blink, pursing your lips.
âI know, itâs kinda a dream scenario.â He laughed at his own joke, a habit he certainly had.
âSince when does CEO Satoru need a date? Especially me . I can just arrange you a date like I always do.â
âIt's a delicate partnership and I need someone who is smart. Not eye candy. I need you, law school girl. Plus youâre American, and a lot of the people there are too. So itâs a no brainer.â You sighed, the comment about eye candy biting.
Men hit on you pretty frequently, any time you werenât working, which you could not say was very often. But of course Gojo banged models on the regular, and you had no time to look like a model, you barely had time to slap on some mascara and concealer every day to hide how tired you were.
âSo you don't need anyone pretty⊠is what you're saying.â
He pauses then, frowning at you. âYou're very pretty.â He'd never said that. He'd barely complimented your work. You catch your breath; looking up at him, curious how he had gotten just an inch away.
ââNot eye candy.ââ
âWe'll no, you dress kinda boring⊠like business and shit. Not sexy at all. I mean Iâve never seen you not in a business dress unless itâs at night and I call you, then you wear pajama shorts and shit?â
You snort. âI would dress up if I had a life. All I do is work.â
âExactly, thatâs what I mean by not âeye candyâ. How you dress, not your looks. But I'll make sure your outfit looks killer, no need to thank me.â Gojo winks at you, lowering his shades, those insane cerulean eyes making you overheat against your will. Big and glittering with silver, the irises the prettiest blue that the earth could scarcely recreate. Eyes that made anyone do anything he wanted.
You were almost immune to that by now.
âIt's my fucking birthday and you want me to do overtime?â You demand, and frowns with those full lips.
âBirthday?â Gojo looks confused, as if you should not have one of them, for itâs inconvenient.
âYeah. Twenty-sixth.â
He evaluates you. âWhy did I think you were like twenty two?â
âIâm not sure. If I was I wouldnât even have my law degree yet, baby face maybe. But itâs my third birthday here, and you never give me the day off. I will absolutely not put in OT.â
âWhat, you have plans, hot shot?â Gojo chuckles, his tone mocking.
No. Sure don't. âYep.â You lie. He knows.
âCancel em.â He shakes a hand dismissively and you scowl.
âNo.â You cross your arms under your breasts, and his gaze darts down for the briefest of moments.
âNo?â No one turned Gojo down. No one ever told the gorgeous CEO no. His six foot four frame hunched as he placed an arm on one side of you, peering down, frown still on his handsome features. You bravely glare back up at him.
âNo. Gojo, I'm really exhausted, and I just want to have fun and actually relax for my birthday.â
âHave fun with me. And make killer money. Win win.â
âThat's work. Not fun.â
âHmm.â He tilts your chin up with his long fingers, making you peer up at him, surprised at the contact. âI'll make it fun. Promise. Then I'll give you the day off tomorrow. Deal?â
âI could find you a smart American girl? Eye candy too.â
âYou're my best, though, I need you.â
Bastard.
âUgh. Fine.â
He grins, and you catch a breath as he backs away. âGood. I'll have the outfit brought to your apartment later? Iâm assuming you donât have anything fancy enough for this one.â
âProbably not. Fine. Need my size?â
His eyes are drinking you in as he smirks. âYou think I havenât gathered your size by now?â Your cheeks overheat. Though youâre used to him, at the end of the day you still had a damn vagina, and it reacted to him. He chuckled deeply, turning away and waving a hand. âYou're dismissed.â
Just like that, your birthday night was just work. Work for Gojo.
***
âCanât wait to put in my two weeks ugh.â You grumble to yourself as you finish up your makeup, for once having fun with it. If you had to work your birthday you would absolutely look gorgeous for it. Lashes, winged liner, red lips.
The dress he had ordered laid in a satin box on your white day bed. You sigh, opening it finally, and you blink rapidly as you look at the gown encased in baby blue and white tissue paper, the colors of Gojo himself. You gently pulled out the gown and most of your irritation died off.
Black and decked with sequins, it glittered in the light, it was a velvety fabric, as soft as a caress. As you slid it on it glided over your curves, accentuating the nip at your waist, the arch of your hips. The neckline plunged ridiculously low, revealing a generous amount of cleavage that you typically kept under wraps at work. You wonder how Gojo knew you had just so much up topâŠ
Pervert is what he was.
Pervert with killer taste.
The dress had a slit that went dangerously up one of your well toned thighs, exposing nearly all of one leg, while the rest of the dress hit the floor. It was if he truly knew every measurement you had, for the dress could not have hit any better. Those damn analyzing eyes of hisâŠ
You spun to look at the back of the dress, which dipped daringly as well, exposing an expanse of skin, from shoulder blades down to the dimples on your lower back. You rummage through your little cherry wood jewelry box, eyeing to see what would work with the dress. Luckily, everything went well with black, so you snatched up a pretty silver cross necklace and earrings.
A text pops up, and you read it.
Dick Boss:Â Waiting out front in the car.
You:Â Just a few.
You slip on your shoes and spritz some body spray on, your favorite from Victoriaâs Secret you save for special things, then slide on a pair of black heeled boots, contemplating putting on underwear. Did it matter what kind? It wasnât like youâd had any dick since like college at this point. And you definitely werenât fucking Gojo, since neither of you were interested.
You because you saw the girls he fucked. Him because⊠you werenât âarm candyâ. Or a dumb ass bimbo. Sometimes you wished you were, since they seemed sweet and happy in life, while you drowned.
Dick Boss: Iâm waitingâŠâ
Fucking Gojo. Ugh. You decide to slide on some lacy boy shorts, just in case that slit did go too high youâd have some coverage. Peeking one last time at the mirror, you had to admit you looked beautiful. You text Gojo.
You:Â Coming now.
You locked up and headed down the stairs of the apartment building, and there was Kiyotaka, Gojoâs driver, opening the door of the black limo for you. Kiyotaka, who somehow was your age now. That boggled your mind more than Nanami. Gojo wore people out, very clearly, but even you had it easier than Kiyotaka.
âMy lady.â He said sweetly, and you smiled at him, sliding in, and there Gojo was across from you, long arms spread across the backs of the seat, his head rested back so that his throat was exposed. His head snapped down, and he looked right at you, no sunglasses, only those eyes. His lips parted, and you tensed, prepared for some lewd comment or rude one.
He blinked those white spiky lashes, arms sliding down as Kiyotaka shut the door, gaze taking you in ever so slowly, as if he had all the time in the world. You felt yourself holding your breath as it lazily traveled down and back up your body, clutching your little black evening bag tightly.
âYou lookâŠâ He trailed off, shaking his head a bit.
âThank you for the dress.â You cut him off. He exhaled, nodding.
âOf course. Consider it my birthday gift. You look⊠really fucking hot.â
You giggled at that. Not beautiful or breathtaking. But youâd take it. âThank you, the dress is so beautiful.â
âYour body is that banging and you hide it like that?â He was somehow right next to you now, and you shiver a bit at the nearness. âI should reprimand you.â
You roll your eyes. âI canât dress like this at work.â
âYou sure the fuck can. Iâm the boss, I say so.â His fingertips trailed down your shoulder, and it sent tingles through your body. Why was he so close? âIâm buying you a new wardrobe.â
âThe fuck you are. I like to be professional, unlike you.â You smack his hand off errantly, and your bare shoulder grew cold without the touch.
âYou do really look good.â You took in his outfit, a black tux, which fit his slim muscles perfectly. It was some shit Bruce Wayne would wear. Maybe Gojo was some super hero or villain. It would fit.
âYou do too. You always do.â
âI know.â He winked at you, leaning forward to snatch up champagne and pop it, pouring you both glasses. You took one, letting the bubbles tickle your nose, taking a sip of the sweet drink, moaning softly and shutting your eyes.
âDelicious.â You lick your lower lip and find him a breath away. You donât move, but youâre frozen, confused as he looks at you like he never has. âSatoru?â
âAre you really thinking of quitting?â He asked softly. You have never seen Gojo like this.
âHow did you know?â
âI know everything, baby girl.â He gently runs his long fingers through your hair, a rare frown on his lips.
âBaby girl? The fuck, Satoru. Yes I was thinking of it, an seducing me is not going to change my mind. Is that the point of this?â You demand, irritated, and against your better judgement, fucking horny. His eyes study your own seriously.
âIf that was my intention, youâd damn sure know.â Each word was bit out, distinctive, and his hand tightened in your hair, far too strong, yanking your head back. You scowl up at him, your hands clenched into fists.
âOh, would I?â You challenged him, notching your chin up a bit. He laughed but it was without humor.
âHow many women have you heard me fuck in my office? How many have you had to send home? You think I donât know how to fuck the shit out of you if I wanted to. You wouldnât even be able to walk.â
Gojoâs whisper was against your lips, and you could taste whiskey on his breath, mixed with his mints he constantly sucked on. He wasnât touching you, but he was so close you could feel himâŠ
âI wonât fuck you though, so whatâs the point of even joking about it. You donât want me anyway. Not your type.â He snorted, and one of his big hands came to your waist, touching the bare skin of your back and wreaking havoc on every sense youâve ever had.
âYou know my type?â You nod. His thumb brushed under your breast, an action that made the peaks of your breasts tighten, aching against the sequined gown. Damn if his gaze didnât drop down. You cursed yourself. âThe women who entertain me arenât necessarily my type.â
âHmm.â It grew difficult to focus. You sip your champagne, leaning back a bit, but Gojoâs grip stays. âIt doesnât matter. Youâre talking out of your ass. Too much cocaine tonight?â
His grip tightened, and it made you gasp, looking up at his darkened eyes in the dim light of the limo. âI havenât had any. Iâm just pretty fucking irritated my best assistant wants to leave. Youâre ungrateful.â
âUngrateful!â You snort at that, tossing back the champagne and grabbing at his hand, his wrist, trying to get him off of you. âHow the fuck, Satoru? I literally do everything for you!â
âAnd I pay you damn good!â
âI know. Iâd rather be broke somewhere than do sixteen hour days. Itâs my damn birthday and here I am!â
âAs if you really had plans. You have no friends and no life.â
âBullshit.â You grit your teeth, shoving at his hard chest. âThatâs because I have no damn time! You think I wouldnât have a boyfriend or something by now?â
âMaybe thatâs your problem, why youâre so bitchy and stuck up all the damn time. You need to get fucked good.â
You slapped him then. Slapped your Boss. Slapped Satoru Gojo.
His hand caught your wrist, brutally squeezing, pale cheek just hinted with pink from your mark.
âRing a little true?â
âI can get fucked if I want.â You yank your hand back.
âI didnât say that. Clearly you can get fucked. Itâs just you donât even want to and you blame it on my hours, as if you were the type.â
âIâd fuck Nanami Kento if I had any damn time.â Gojoâs eyes widened at that, and his grip on your waist became brutal. âYep. Sure would. Heâs built as fuck, oh and he remembered my birthday. If either of us had time I sure would. So does that answer it for you?â
Gojo bared his teeth at her, a little blue vein in his temple popping out. Your heart beats in your chest, brutally, the thudding loud in your ears. âYou⊠would fuck⊠Nanami⊠Kento?â
Each of his words were forced through his teeth.
Ah, you made him mad.
Good.
âWho wouldnât? Heâs hot.â You try to shrug casually.
âOut of anyone in the office?â
âMmhmm.â
âIncluding me.â
You open your mouth to say yes, but you know itâs not fucking true. Of course youâd have fucked Gojo, if he wasnât a dick boss, if he was just a dudeâŠ
Look at him.
âCat got your tongue?â His free hand caught your chin, forcing your gaze to his piercing one. You gulp, licking your lips.
âNo.â
âNo, what?â His voice was a wicked caress.
âNo⊠not including you. Goddammit. Is that what you want to hear? That Iâm not blind? Of course youâre attractive, and you know it, stupid!â
He scoffed. âYouâre childish.â
âYou!â You shoved at him again, and he let you go, grabbing your glass and refilling it, watching you like a hawk. âIt changes nothing. I am planning to leave. I will find a replacement, someone even better than me.â
âThere is no one better.â He sounded sincere, a rare thing for Gojo, emotion cracking in his voice as he downed his own glass.
âYou think fucking me will keep me as your damn assistant?â
âItâs worth a shot. Iâm the best fuck there is.â He shrugged, some of that casual demeanor coming back, and you wanted to yell at your body for its reaction.
âIt wonât happen.â
âYeah? Why?â
âYouâre my boss!â
âBut youâre leaving.â
âIâŠâ
âHmm? You seem at a loss for words.â You scowl, looking out the window as the lights flickered by.
âAre we there yet?â
âChildish.â
âSays you!â
âYou need a good orgasm. Or ten. Get you to be less of a stuck up nag.â
âI do not! And I am not!â
âYou do, and you are.â
âI orgasm plenty, thanks!â You felt your body on fire at that, and Gojo couldnât look more satisfied, like the Cheshire fucking cat, the grin as wide as it could go, running his hand through his silken white locks.
âOh, do tell.â He practically purred.
âCut the shit, Satoru. Youâve never talked like this in the years Iâve worked with you, where the fuck do you get off?â
âI get off in women. Or on them.â He shrugged, enjoying your open mouth, once again lost for words.
âYou know I did not mean that!â
âWhere do you get off? On a dildo maybe.â You blinked, eyebrows low in a scowl, wanting to hit him again. âNo, donât look the type. Maybe a rose toy. Hmm⊠or just these little things.â Gojo lifted your hand, already small but ridiculously small in his own, swallowed by him. âThey donât hit deep enough, do they?â His whisper shook you to your core.
You burned, breathless, as he held out his own hand to yours, fingers so fucking long they rivaled the length of a dudeâs dick. Likely larger than the couple of dudeâs in college, which was about all of your experience. He grinned as you stared on, palm hot and hard against your own.
âI⊠youâŠâ You wanted to cuss him out. Quit right then.
You also wanted his fingers in you.
âI could get you off, put you in a good mood. We donât have to have sex for that.â His hand took your own, putting your hand by your heat, between your thighs.
âWhy⊠are youâŠact- acting like this?â You managed to breathe out, but you had no energy to move away from him, or shove his hand off. Because if you were being honest with yourself, youâd love to ride your frustration out on him.
âMaybe I realize how much I need you to stay as my assistant.â Gojoâs supple lips kiss down your jaw, firm but delicate, as his hand brutally grabs yours and shoves it against yourself, moaning in your ear. âIs my assistant already hot for me? Are you that easy to get wet?â
âFuck off.â
Itâs a whisper. You want it. And you hate him. You hate that your pussy is pulsing against your joined fingers through the barrier of your panties, that the moan in your ear made you wonder what he sounded like when he came. Gojo slid his own finger against your panties, pausing, moaning again, pulling back to look at you.
He was gorgeous.
Your chest rose and fell with your breath.
âFuck.â He whispered, and something was just different. You saw Gojo with women, always so self assured. But something seemed surprised, vulnerable, when his long finger pressed against the damp sticky fabric, just grazing your clit. You arched your hips up, and his fingertip ran up slightly, pressing more, and Gojoâs lips were just a breath awayâŠ
âWeâre here, Sir, my Lady.â
Fuck.
You two shot apart, and you struggled to catch your breath, adjusting your dress, gulping down one more glass for good measure. Gojo adjusted his pants, not even looking at you, clearing his throat. You cursed as you saw his tie.
âYou canât tie a tie for shit, Satoru.â You leaned over to him, pulling it apart gently and re-tying it. You noticed his Adam's apple bob up and down. He was quiet. Satoru Gojo, quiet. âThere.â
âThanks.â He said gruffly, and your eyes met.
What the fuck just happened?
Kiyotaka opened the door, exposing them to some cool night air, and you got out, curious just how the fuck this birthday night was going to go.
Chapter 2
Completed fic on ao3, will post chaps on here as well
https://archiveofourown.org/works/55424137/chapters/140629990
#jjk smut#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo smut#jjk gojo#gojou satoru x reader#satoru x reader#jujutsu satoru#satoru x you#satoru x y/n#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#satoru gojo smut#jujustu kaisen#jjk fic#gojo fanfic#CEO Satoru Gojo
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Hi lovely, to celebrate the new year! I was wondering if you could please do a fluff/smut with Cirden.
Does not have to be hardcore smut only a taste!! thank you so much 4 taking the time out of your day and writing we all appreciate your work.
A/N: took it in me to get this done before January ended!! putting this man in the spicy is so bittersweet b/c it feels so wrong (but so right). And thank you for your kindness!! Lord knows I've been needing some grace. Thank you for being so sweet I'm glad people actually see my stuff <33
CW: NSFW/SMUT, public(?) doing the dirty in the woods, hunting, elf X reader, established marriage
WC:2.8k
Gender Neutral Reader X Male Elf husband
"Raagghh. I haven't caught ANYTHING..." One of your arrows lands in the dirt, it's blade skinning against the ground before it fell flat. You couldn't even manage to stab a lizard that blundered past you, it's skittering body running as your arrow slumped.
"Don't get discouraged," Cirdan mumbled with unmoving lips, focused on the prey only a few meters in front of him. "It's only your first time with a bow and arrow."
He still managed to whisk away your heart in his crouched battle stance as you curled on the forest floor, his arrow flying as it released with a snap. The harsh squeak of a cottontail broke the silence of the ancient trees, a fatal jump being it's last movement before it succumbed to the ground in a helpless flop. Your husband moved forward without you to slice it's throat. You looked away in shame; he had been hunting for your dinners ever since your joint movement into the cottage currently a mile away; he had cut the heads off deer and ducks while you sat back and covered your eyes. You couldn't even shoot down a bird, not only from your poor aim but your heart lurched everytime you saw its feathered breast beat with life, its beak release a hymn of song. Every now and again you could garner the courage to help him defeather or clean the bones of his latest catch but when seeing their heads or lifeless eyes, it made your insides churn.
It was dispiriting, knowing you couldn't provide in the way he had learned to do since he was a child. But by Gods and Goddesses, did he not look fine holding that bow and pulling back its string, showing the strength in his chest and the unwavering focus in his grey-blue eyes. You memorialized the image in your head, toes scrunching deep in your sewn leather boots (created by cirdan and his many talents) with your knees pushed together, gaze focused on the ground.
"Whats wrong?"
You looked up from your place in the dirt and dead leaves, your spouse like a pretty ice mountain that you had to strain upwards to see. He placed three dead bunnies by their ears into the sack that was once on his back; if he were alone, he would've just carried them by hand back to the cottage.
"Nothing, I was just... thinking. It's beautiful out here."
You looked up at the canopy of trees, dappled light speckling between the small empty holes that neither branch nor bushy leaves covered to block the evening sun.
Cirdan bent down, placing his sack on the ground as a warm hand came to cover the top of your head. A calloused palm pushed your hair back, patting you with deadweight.
You couldn't see the rest of him with his gigantic arm in the way, his voice like an omniscient invisible God of the forest.Â
"Don't worry if you can't hunt...I'll do enough for the both of us," His palm slid to your cheek in a messy fashion, attempting to be heedful of how firm his touch was, too used to handling his bow with untamed strength for the day. His hand was a pillow on your cheek as he pressed his thumb against your temple. "It's my job to take care of you."
He spoke as if mostly to himself, thin silver lashes disguising his eyes while he watches your lips with a small, almost unnoticeable quiver. But he didn't waver as you stared back, gaze running from his deep pupils to his strong nose bridge, down to his dripping jugular.
It was tension inside you and it was unbearable. It took choking yourself back to not scream "just kiss me, dammit!"
But elves weren't the hasty type,(especially your aloof husband), and you didn't know what Cirdan would think if you came forward so hungrily. Would he think you were just some lust-crazed old bat that replaced the careful spouse he once knew?
"Come, let's go back; the wind is picking up. I won't let you catch a cold."
The forest was all but blowing, a leaf tumbling every now and again but practically silent. And yet, who were you to argue with the seasoned elf who had survived in forests like this?
You took the outstretched hand cirdan put in front of you, allowing him to practically lift you to your feet as your bow held limply in your other hand with defeat. Alas, another day with no progress in conquering your woodland fear.
You let Cirdan lead you, following him past old oaks and emptied burrows, unable to keep your wide eyes off of him. It was nice, to distract your disappointed mind from your empty game sack to the hauntingly beautiful portrait of the manly elf before you.
"What is it?" Cirdan stopped, looking at you with those long locks covering his scarred eye, the other staring with a darkened brow.
"Nothing!" You'd repeat, looking away with your antsy feet bouncing, hoping he'd somehow read the growing need inside of you. And this carried on a countless too many times before you saw the clearing that led to the desire path back home.
What were you to say? That you wanted him here and now? That you wished he'd just smile and hold you and tell you to take off your hunting clothes and everything underneath as soon as you got back home? Yeah, right. As if the stoic beast that you married would be so forward, as hopeful and desiring as you.
You sneaked glances, learning better than before when aiming to witness the veins in his forearm that traveled to the hand interlocked with yours, the pants that fit his slightly toned ass just right. Gods, were you really so sinful? But, was it so wrong to want your husband, to think of him panting above you and his beautiful thighs encasing you with heartache and hunger?
Cirdan stopped again. You were about to tell him now this time you really weren't looking but he didn't face you, instead dropping his bag along with an unused set of arrows accompanying his bow.
"I think... I understand."
You tilted your head at him, maybe at a poor attempt to get him to look at your cute side.
"I'm supposed to do more than...be a a simple protector."
You would've pressed for more information, if it weren't for the oddly timed shove towards a nearby tree. Cirdan took the bag from your hands faster than you could ask "what the hell are ya doing," his sharp face only mere inches away and angled as if he was about to kiss you.
But maybe, that was just your imagination, your mind centered only on his smoothened pinkish lips.
"Is this what you wanted...?"
The elf brute inched down, nudging your nose with a deep exhale. His hands engulfed yours, holding them down at your sides as he pressed his lips snuggly to your cupids bow.
The sheer power of his face pushed your skull against the tree; along with it a warm, humid hand came from behind to press along the curve of your back. His pointer finger inched, massaging into your tailbone as the elf's thigh quickly entrapped you between he and the old oak.
That hand moved down to the waist of your hunting trousers, digging beneath them to reach more savory skin.
You almost jumped at the slight clutch of your left ass cheek, your husbands eyes shut as he rubbed his forehead against you.
Lost words were grumbled under his breath with a gentle rasp, his other hand leaving your fingers as they braced against the bark of the tree behind you.
"Cirdan-- wha," you tried to figure out what you were feeling, what the right thing to do would be. Which was, to tell him that this was not the right place, nor the right time. But that gentle nudge of his tented crotch against your leg made any thoughts of lucidity drift.
"Want you..." He spoke, barely above a hum. "Isn't this, what you needed? Looking at me, at my..."
"Don't finish that sentence," you warned, unable to meet his gaze as he softly squinted open his eyes. "Maybe so but--! Right here?? Right now? In the woods?! Even I'm not desperate enough to make us do it...here."
"No creatures come to the edge of the woods... too smart for that. We're too far away for any hunters to venture close enough." You could see even he wasn't one to normally suggest this idea; but if anyone knew this forest, it was him. "Besides, said I want to take care of you.. did you not think I'd follow through on that..?"
"But, wait, I mean-" you nearly whined, hardly able to contain yourself with the hand massaging your backside, the fat of his buldge grinding into your quadricep. He was almost as bad as the rabbits he so skillfully caught, their known libidinous currently rivaling his own.
It was still atleast a 15 minute walk back to the cottage when following the path directly back. Could you make it that long? If not, could you bare the anxiety of having him bend you over in the woods completely out in the open?
"I didn't know you were so... pent up." You choked. "I mean, you're not just doing this for me, right?"
Who were you kidding? He was practically rubbing on you like a fox in heat.
"Please don't make me beg." He looked at you directly, finding your lost-at-sea eyes that had been rapidly searching for any creature or holy figure nearby witnessing you and your husbands' immoralities. He wasn't whining nor desperate but rather asking you, to please, not make him put himself even lower at your mercy-- if that was even possible.
His directness caught you off guard; sure, you had been on the edge of ripping your clothes off and throwing yourself at him but-- to have him beat you to the punch?
You couldn't help yourself when he leaned in, his soft locks brushing against your shoulder as the tip of his pink tongue swiped your lower lip, his confidence having grown since the first time you made love to him in the dark.
You opened your mouth greedily, nearly starvingly so as you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders. How could you say no, when he asked you so genuinely, when your groin ached to be caressed by him?
With the confession of your open mouth and the lewd noises of your labored breaths, Cirdan moved quicker than with the normal diligent pace he tended to do everything with. In a split second your leg was wrapped around his hip, his large hand rubbing gently at the front zipper of your trousers, reaching in deep between your legs to get a good cup full o' you.Â
You couldn't just ignore the cries of his loins as he lunged forward, desperate for your affection. You undid the two buttons holding the elf's own wood-colored slacks up. They drooped only slightly to show the clean grey of his happy trail, your palm digging in to reach for the stiff piece that craved a special touch.
It slid out so easily, his tip warm against your wrist. You couldn't help but watch him leak just a bit, slightly hard as a thin vein pulsed under your thumb.
"Gods please...I said t'not make me beg." He muffled in your ear, taken aback uncharacteristically as you stroked with the intent to milk him for all he had.
It was so cute and fat, the small grey-white hairs of the front of his cock leading down to his crowned jewels, making you appreciate the differences between humans and elves. His pointed ears twitched upward as he practically foamed at the mouth against your neck. A gentle palm came to push your shoulder against the tree with simplicity.
Without unzipping, cirdan shifted to pull your pants and undergarments down to your knees; in a matter of two seconds he managed to strip you half naked. Your hand was pulled away from the elf, interlocked instead with his fingers as your bare thigh was hoisted further up against his naked hip.
His chest pressed up against you as he slowed to get inside, looking at you with glazed over, hooded eyes. He didn't look away, he couldn't. There was something about the sweat at the corner of your brow, your slightly ajar lips that kept him going, entering inside of you with raw cock and raw determination, awaiting to see that expression of nearful ecstasy that would wash away all the neediness you had been experiencing.
You didn't know how he could do it, stare at you so intently without any break away while you sweated under his gaze. If he wasn't currently bottoming out inside of you right now, you would've felt like you were under interrogation. You both huffed simultaneously once your hole swallowed up the entirety of him, your right leg limp over his thigh as he pressed you up further against the tree.
"Feel okay?" Cirdan panted, and you could see he was barely keeping himself at bay. What a gentleman, controlling himself from fucking you blind-- not that you would've minded the latter, of course.
You responded in turn by grinding down on him, rolling your hips forward to have that needy, hungry and achingly thirsty spot become just a little farther quenched.
It was difficult to not throw your head back and scream, feeling so warm and full as you gripped the back strands of the elfs hair.
With the time you had spent with him you realized Cirdan wasn't much of a grunter, preferring unconsciously to huff and pant and wordlessly suck through his teeth when he was inside of you. If you were lucky, you'd get to see him furrow his brows in exasperation, frowning as if he was concentrating hard on something important and not just from rocking into you. The challenging part about being his first lover however, was that he was still learning not to finish in the first few seconds of plunging inside.
"Ill.. n'take care of yo..u" he muttered, lifting your hips as your bare ass scraped against the bark of the tree. "Take care so good..."
You would've laughed at his drunken fervor if you didn't find it so endearing, the urge to stick your tongue into his heated cavern of a mouth washing over you like a wave.
Cirdan accepted the kiss greatfully, placing a hand behind your head to grace your thump against the tree. You could hear the branches shake, a stray dead leaf falling on the top of your head as he rutted forward, your own pelvic floor pushing against his thrusts. The elf's nose smushed against the side of your own, lips practically consuming one another as his lashes brushed your cheek. Sweat formed on your back dripping to your legs, but you didn't care. It felt too good, your senses only focusing on where he was caressing or what would be next, the cold breeze reminding you that you were still outside.
That fear remained in the back of your mind, your eyes occasionally opening and scanning the forest that you could see beyond Cirdan. But there was nothing, nothing but the trees and dead fallen logs blocking pathways.
Your kisses drifted away as you saw a hunched over deer, somewhat 10 paces away with its head burrowed in a bush.
Cirdan slowed, the deep drilling inside of you now merely a thick discomfort of occasional thrusts. He could feel you were getting lost in your worry, your grip on his shoulders loosening.
"Maâsalâshiral," he grabbed your chin, turning you away from the fear of the forest. "Going to make you feel love unlike any creature has known;" he kissed you with wet lips, giving you breath and teeth. "So please, don't turn from me."
The horrible ache in his eyes, the twitch inside of you-- for how torturous it was for yourself, it was just as bad for him. You would've apologized, turned the mood even further south into sourness if he hadn't begun rocking again, holding your back to keep your sensitive skin away from the tree. He huffed into your cheek, pressing hard up against you as he cherished everything he could touch. The deer that once took over your thoughts was now pushed to the edge, your eyes half-shut now that all you could feel was the depth of your husband, his precum mixing with the heat of your hole. The crude sound of skin on skin, the slight slap of elf balls hitting your ass-- it nearly sent your mind into overdrive.
And even with the pain of tree bark rubbing against your skin, the stench of petrichor and sweat in your nose, you wouldn't trade this moment for anything.
This might even be better than the bed... Okay, maybe not. But that didn't matter with Cirdan so far inside of you he huffed with inclination, tempting to keep his orgasm at bay.
#honestly...would you do it? only the birds and the deer will be judging you#knives rants#writing#x reader#reader insert#self insert#male elf x reader#elf x reader#elf x human#Fantasy#Fantasy reader insert#monster fiction#Elf smut#Male elf X human reader#Gn reader#gender neutral reader#x gn reader#fem reader#female reader#male reader#x male reader#male elf#elf#kn1ves rants
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Hi, I have been absolutely loving your blog, mostly the Daddy!Bucky & Princess stories (but letâs be honest who doesnât love Bucky đ„°đ!) and I was wondering about something..
I had my birthday recently and was wondering how the 2 of them would celebrate? U can make it as fluffy or smutty as u would like, and itâs okay if it takes a while for u to write, I have one every year so it will be close enough to each of them đ
Keep up the good work and I cant wait to see more of your stories and imagination come to life đ„°
First of all @nicoline1998enilocin I am so sorry! This request is so old it's probably almost your birthday again đ«Ł but I kept it in my inbox because I really love it and I wanted to do it justice, which hopefully is done for you today.
And also, happy birthday đđ thank you for preempting my uselessness and for sending in a lovely ask!
So let's start with Bucky's birthday:
- You try your absolute best to wake up first so you can give him birthday head but I feel like he would also be happy at waking you up too.
- Either way it's an X-rated morning lol.
- You managed to sneak out of his arms long enough to rush out to the kitchen and grab the pretty cakes you made the day before.
- He appears in the living room to find you sitting amongst his presents, a little cupcake and a candle lighting up your pretty face.
- Kneeling down he looks at you for a moment before blowing out his candle. He cups your cheek in a warm hand and pulls you in for a kiss.
- I'm not sure what you'd get for a criminal CEO who has everything but you manage to get him some lovely gifts.
- Stationery is always good, and some books. Maybe a nice watch? Shirts? Sunglasses?
- Plus you have a few little bags filled with pretty lingerie and toys that you figured he would enjoy.
- The present unwrapping ends with him cuddling you and kissing you all over, snuggling up as he thanks you for all the wonderful gifts.
- But you are the best gift he's ever had.
- I feel like there would also be an unspoken agreement that any time the birthday boy wants to have his princess, he gets her.
- Doesn't matter where you are, or what's happening. He just grabs you, pins you down or presses you up against a wall and takes what's his.
- Without knowing when it's happening you spend the day in a state of giddy excitement and desire.
đ
- Daddy is the kinda guy who does big parties, but actually hates them when they are happening.
- He spends a bit of time chatting to his friends, opening some gifts and eating delicious canapes, but his mind is preoccupied.
- Because of you.
- You have dressed up in a little pink dress that looks exactly like a ribbon on top of a present. And he wanted to unwrap you right then and there.
- And perhaps in fact you told him that he could? As a special birthday treat?
- He'd managed to resist so far, but now he just wants his pretty present.
- He sidles up behind you and wraps his arms around you, pressing kisses to your shoulder and neck. You giggle as he tugs gently at the end of the bow.
- Much to both of your surprises it falls off quite quickly and drops to the floor. Some of the guests notice and clap, as you giggle twirling around and pressing yourself into Bucky's chest.
- "Much better I must say" he mutters into your ear and brushes his nose along yours before stealing a kiss from you. He deepens it as your arms wrap around him, holding you close.
- People actually sigh and swoon.
- Maybe you dance a little or maybe he just waves his guests goodbye as you walk with him up the stairs to the bedroom.
đ
Now let's talk about Princess' birthday:
- He wakes you up with kisses and surrounds you with presents on the bed.
- I also think he would get you a tiara because you are a Princess.
- All the presents are so perfect, he gets you all those little things that you have mentioned over the past few months.
- Maybe some nice jewellery, books, dresses, colouring books, a new phone? New supplies for arts and crafts? Teddy bears?
- Also he's taking you to Italy...
đ
- He spends the day pampering you, pleasuring you and treating you like the princess that you are.
- I think he would take you out for lunch, but he'd make sure the whole restaurant was booked so you weren't disturbed.
- He's gonna fuck you right there as well because you look so beautiful and happy and he can't resist you.
- I think you have permission to come anytime you want on your birthday. All you have to do is say, "Daddddy" and bat your pretty eyelashes and he'll be there to make you feel all better.
đ
- A similar party ensues, although probably a smaller crowd because you prefer it that way.
- You take your time opening presents, giving big hugs to all of the gifters and showing Daddy what you got.
- Despite a whole day of sex on tap, you still feel a hit desire for him. He just looks so divine and delicious.
- And he knows you are dying for him so he asks Natasha to give you your present as he drags you into his lap, pretty skirt of your dress covering your lap.
- You squeak as his hand slides up your thigh and into your underwear, rubbing and sliding into your soaked heat.
- "Just can't get enough can ya? I can feel how swollen and used this pretty cunt is Princess, and still you want more hmm? Such a good girl. God I'm so lucky..."
- His whispering all this filth in your ear as you unwrap your present. You do your absolute best to thank Natasha and focus on what she's brought you, but his fingers are curling and pressing into that magical spot inside that sends your brain into a fog.
- You basically stay like that until the party ends. Everyone gives you a birthday kiss before they leave and you smile and wave as they go.
- Leaning back on Bucky's chest you let out a little whine, as he continues to make a mess of you.
- "Ready for your last present?"
đ
- Much like his birthday the evening will end with something very special.
- I think he'd purchase something really kinky for his birthday, and something even kinkier for yours đ
- I also like the idea of it all being a bit silly. Like you have to sing happy birthday to him as he spanks you, and if you get distracted he starts again.
- Ooh what about those candles you can use in the bedroom?? He'd turn you into his little birthday cake, eating you out but you have to stay still otherwise you get wax on you?
- Or instead of a gag he puts a cupcake in your mouth and you have to hold it tight without eating it.
- Frosting.
- I feel like these would work for both your birthdays because let's face it, being Daddy's plaything is as much a treat for you as it is for him đ
- But always ending in cuddles, a nice bath and a reminder of how much he loves his Princess, how his life is better with you, how lucky he is and how he wants every birthday, every day spent with you đ
#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky imagine#bucky smut#bucky barnes smut#daddy!bucky#princess!reader#đ
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Emily Prentiss x Reader Headcanons
Mostly SFW, but a few lil spicy ones throughout (below the line).
Chews on pens/pencils when she's anxious or deep in thought and it's inexplicably hot.
Has a glass of very nice, very expensive red wine every night.
Fluent in Arabic, French, Spanish, and Italian. Passable in Russian.
Seems quiet and mysterious at first but is actually just a huge dork.
Breaks down crying every time before starting her period and will say, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm so emotional today," and you're like... "Babe, don't you start tomorrow?"
Usually a no-strings-attached-sex kind of person, mostly because relationships are hard with her job. You're the exception.
Will fold like a wet napkin for nice chocolate.
Notorious for ghosting lol. Sometimes even used a fake name. A bad habit from her undercover days.
Not subtle at all when coming on to you. Pretty much asked you for a date out of the blue.
Loves that you can talk about the deep, dark stuff, but can also make her laugh like no one else.
If for any reason you wake up in the nightâstomachache, nightmare, scary stormâshe is up with you. She'll claim she can't sleep either, but really she just wants to hold you and make sure you get back to sleep okay.
Watches you breathe at night. She finds it deeply comforting.
Takes you once a year to her grandfatherâs cottage in the French Alps, where she spent a lot of time growing up.
Grew up Catholic. Sheâs not religious anymore, but sometimes she still likes to listen to old hymns and chants, like they had at the mass she and her mom attended in Italy.
Opens every door for you always. In fact, sheâll be hurt if you donât let her open the door.
An incredibly good listener. She loves hearing about your day, no matter how mundane it was, because her days are usually filled with the darkest, most horrific things.
Has two tattoos. (1) On her ankle. A word from the Qurâan (ÙÙÙŰȘÙŰłÛĄÙÙÙÙÙÛĄÛ€) that roughly translates to âthat you may find tranquility.â She got it in Italy when she started to realize she liked girls, because girls were the only people in whom she ever found tranquility. (2) On her hip. A small asterisk a la Kurt Vonnegut.
Insanely protective. She will not let anyone touch you, say anything to you, even look at you with nefarious intentions.
Has a little note on her phone where she writes down your favorite thingsâtakeout, flowers, ice cream flavors, the brand of tampons you useâso she'll always remember.
âCall me when you get there.â Has to know where you are at all times. You gave up arguing and just constantly have your phone location shared with her. Itâd be suffocating except that, given her job, it makes sense.
Loves that you are so independent. Sheâs watched too many BAU relationships fall apart because their partner was frustrated with the demanding BAU work schedule. You donât really mind. Of course, you miss her, but you also really like your alone time, so things balance out nicely.
Puzzle fiend. Thereâs almost always a puzzle going on the coffee table.
Queen of leaving people on read. Itâs nothing personal, itâs just that texts usually fall by the wayside when sheâs in the field.
Secretly loves it so much when you brag about her. Sheâll act all embarrassed about it, but it means a lot that youâre proud of her.
A hipster in the sense that if something is popular, she automatically decides she doesnât like it. You make fun of her a lot for this.
Falls in love with you every time she notices one of your little gesturesâhaving a second go-bag packed and ready at all times, doing the laundry, packing little granola bars in her purse because you know she forgets to stop for lunch, returning books to the library for her, etc.
Incredibly stubborn. Thankfully, you are, too, so youâre well-matched. On the downside, sometimes it takes forever to make a decision because neither of you are willing to back down.
Swears like a sailor when sheâs not at work.
Kind of quiet with other people, but will talk with you late into the night, until you fall asleep. You love that you get to fall asleep to her voice.
Touches you like youâre made of gold, like you were made to be cherished and held on to.
Cheek/nose/forehead kisses. all. the. time.
Kisses you good morning and good night, every time, no matter when she gets home or when she leaves.
You would never guess it, but she lives for gossip. She doesnât want to be part of the drama, but she sure as hell wants to know about it.
Drives her wild (in bed and out) that you are 100% hers. It is not in your nature to cheat, you are wholly devoted to your person, and she is over the moon that sheâs that person.
Acts like a top, is a top.
Can drink coffee at midnight and be conked out twenty minutes later.
After a particularly hard case, sheâll come home and want to just hold you really tight against her chest, sometimes for an hour or more. You always let her.
Big spoon, always. She likes to feel like sheâs keeping you safe.
Favorite food is the sweet potato burrito from Muchas Gracias, but they only have them at lunch and she is never in DC at lunchtime, so sometimes you go buy her one and pack it for her for lunch the next day. It makes her day every time.
Honestly itâs a struggle when you have to get up before her because she has you in a ninja death grip that is almost impossible to get out of.
Her feet are always cold, so she has a huge collection of fuzzy socks.
Movie buff. Has a giant checklist of all the Oscar noms during awards season, and you watch one almost every night sheâs home.
Loves to shower with you. You will get clean, but youâll get fucked first.
A wizard with a wand (iykwim).
She still gets butterflies when you hold hands.
#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#criminal minds#emily prentiss fanfic#criminal minds fanfic#emily prentiss hcs#emily prentiss headcanons#criminal minds headcanons#criminal minds hcs
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more dad dabi head content?! you write it so welllllđ„șđ„șđ„ș
*sighs.* It's been a long day for me so im coping by speedrunign this. thanks for requesting, I appreciate you interacting with me more so than the usual like or comment.
Author notes under the cut as well as links
Warnings: FLUFF (mostly, 90%), not proof read, SPOILERS, minor swearing.
reader has blue eyes like Dabi's (she's a toddler, 3-4 years old)
Dabi calls reader bunny, Dabi is addressed as "Daddy"
---
Dabi would be such a good dad you cannot tell me otherwise.
I mean sure, some times he forgets things, that you have school the next morning, and most days he feels like shit for not being able to rent a proper apartment to house you in; forcing you to live in this tiny cupboard of drywall and rotten carpet because he simply canât afford better. Yeah sure, he sometimes loses his temper and tells you to go wait in your room when he has his "coworkers" over or when the bad man is on TV. But the moment he sees discomfort, prickles of tears in your eyes
He will shut the ever loving fucking up and back away.
But I think what makes him the best dad is his undying will to protect you, usually from himself. He'll lock himself in his own room or take it out on civilians and other villains before even thinking about coming to you in such a god awful state.
however it's also important to note that he'd do just as heinous things if he finds something that's more of a threat then himself. AKA, Endeavor.
(I just realized that by typing the rest of this paragraph, I'd be spoiling the plot of part three, forget I ever said anything.)
So rather than speaking of the devil we'll talk about how much of a worrywart Dabi actually is at heart.
He spends every single waking minute, and every unconscious second, to worry about you. This man lives in constant paranoia. Truly, deep down in his heart he wants to bundle you up in bubble wrap and tuck you under 10 blankets so you'll never be cold. So it's quite unfortunate that he can never quite express these feelings to you or anyone for that matter, trauma and internalized fear of emotional vulnerability and all that.
As a result, he will often express this through odd gestures of- I'm not quite sure what exactly it is.
What he'll do is he'll stare at you for prolonged periods of time, memorize your every schedule, demand to know all your friends, he emails your teachers once a week at least to ask them about your academic and social whereabouts. Everyone thinks he's a helicopter parent, no, he's a fucking psychopath.
he might as well have a GPS tracker on you. of course you barely get a say in this. he's your darling father, he's been like this since you were born, he only does it because he loves you and wants to keep you safe. he doesn't want to hurt you, even if he does, he's always apologized right after.
Dabi is also a cheapskate. the world's greatest in fact. despite the IRS never collecting his taxes he will forever never have enough money, he spends most of his "paycheck" the money stolen from innocent civilians on your college funds. He fully plans on starting a new life in Europe after All For One takes over and enrolling you into a top college so you can get your education (that is if the educational system is still intact.)
this is also why he is a Dumpster Diver and Pro Thriftier on the weekends! Everything, and I mean everything, is probably vintage and from goodwill. I have nothing else to say about that.
However, this did cause you to be heavily bullied and ostracized at school. A school in the pretty subarubs of japan where everyone's parent were either middle class or above, where you, you came from a different district, with the worn down shoes and the badly done hair, so excited to meet your new classmates. And it's quite sad really, never having many friends and all that. Especially if you aren't fully Japanese and were of color. (shout out to all my POC readers!)
and of course this wouldnât be a proper story without Dabi being a little shit, but that's the thing about Dad Dabi, he is never a little shit in front of his child. never had been and probably never will be. It primarily roots from this need of an acutal father figure that he never had (endeavor was more so a mentor and teacher and, of course, abuser rather rthan an actual father to him).
he's nothing but serious around you, hell, he barely even talks, only ever grunts and hums in response to whatever you're saying so you know that he's listening to you. you may think he doesn't care, but he remembers it all as best he can, scribbles it down in broken grammar on the back of newspapers because he canât afford a proper phone nor nice clean printerpaper.
Honestly, Dabi's a good father. But he's heavily insecure about it, he truly wants to lock you up in a castle like the princess you are to him and keep you there until the ends of time.
And on a simmilair note, he refuses to let you became a "bad" person.
AKA, someone who doesn't respect others, someone who cusses a lot, someone that doesn't show gratidute when given something good in their life. the reason he does it is because he refuses to see the current version of himself in you, he refuses to even think about you being tainted. Refuses. In his deluded mind that version of you can never exist lest they kill him.
He's genuinely the most strict helicopter parent to ever parent.
I'm talking monitors you 24/7, enrolls you in every after school club with even the tiniest bit of academic advancement (chess club, book club, math team), and he sits down with you every night to work through homework, he only ever buys nutritious meals for you; even though they take up the majority of his budget, and he only eats after you've eaten, drowning himself in the shitty dollar menu fast food.
Of course, he rewards you heavily for your hard work. Every day, he praises you for all that youâve accomplished,
âAww, good job honey.â
âA+, very nice.â
âYou got a B? Oh, you thought youâd get an A? Itâs okay, I know you tried. a B is good too.â
It not the most encouraging thing in the world but he wants your to know that he cares, heâll takes you out for ice cream at the end of every month and give you an allowance to spend 10 dollars for every A on your report card. (This takes a huge bite out of his budget, but he made you a promise⊠he can skip out on dinner a couple nights, itâll be fine.)
so far, you've been doing so well in school, one of the best students in your school, one of the more kind and respectful too. it's just that... you're so shy, you practically cower in fear when you have to talk to your classmates, especially after the incident. (Part 3, anyone?)
Dabi also puts this persona on for you, this persona of a kind man who is just a tad bit odd looking. he puts on the facade of being a normal civilian with a stable job and okay-ish income just so you don't worry. With you, heâs soft and trustworthy and only wants the best for you. Even if he does make you upset, he says sorry afterwards, always. He loves you, at least, thatâs what he tells you.
And though it's not something he really worries about now, he dreads the day you become a teenager, then you'll know why he spends his nights out when there's criminals on the lose, who fears the day you'll understand what the news means, the day you'll take the hero's side. He just doesn't have the resources to keep you hidden from the outside world long enough for this wretched war he's fighting to be over. For the mean time, he denies you of much context on what he actually does all day, it's quite easy to do such a thing; he only ever needs to divert your attention to something shiny or pretty, like those little unicorn toys that he bought you for your second birthday, bought them brand new unlike many of the other things he's gotten you over the years. But he doesnât know how much longer he can keep this up for, youâre smart, incredibly so, itâs only a matter of time until you know who he actually is,
another thing that he fears is of you growing up, caring for a small child is one thing, but he fears the day that you'll become a complex human being capable of properly understanding your emotions and failing to understanding that he truly wants the best for you.
he'll sit in the darkness of the living room some nights, you tucked neatly away on the other side of the couch, fast asleep, you never could finish a movie night without falling asleep half way through. his breathing's heavy as he runs his mind through the thousands upon thousands of theoretical fights you two'll have when you get older. How youâll want to distance yourself, how youâll cry yourself to sleep some nights because you think he doesnât love you. he can't handle it, he won't stand to be your enemy.
because one day, you'll be an adult, you'll want to leave him, and you'll never come back. he can't live with that, he simply won't. he sometimes thinks about killing himself so he won't live to see the day you no longer want him in your life.
OR, OR, ALTERNATIVELY.
ProHero Dad Dabi.
I have been thinking about Dabi's ProHero Au since forever now. think teenage father Dabi but he got a girl pregnant the moment he's out of high school. (those after graduation parties be crazyyyy) and now he genuinely doesn't know how to balance his home life and his career and his daughter.
and obviously, just obviously, he CANNOT tell his father, he's already worse than Shoto, he's not gonna go lower on the scale.
so despite being the highest climbing amateur Hero in the past 7 years, he takes the longest hiatus of his life just to figure all this father shit out. his first plan was to but the girl up for adoption, and then he realized it would fail the moment the media find out, then he thought maybe he could tell one of his friends to take care of her, one of the ladies who'd fallen head over heels for him back in high school, he'd charm them, marry them, and then make em' into a house wife to take care of his mistake child.
honestly, it was a pretty good idea until he truly did start to love his child. similar to the main timeline, ProHero Dabi realizes he wants to be a better father than the one he grew up with, he decides to keep the child and raise her as his own, etc.
But in this timeline, literally everything is reversed.
Dabi's loaded with that money that the government gives him or fighting off a couple measly thugs, pair that with the brand deals he gets offered every other minute, and the trust fund his daddy gave him to get him through the "rough years" as he called it, he's practically rolling in cash.
oh God, you are going to be such a brat growing up. Life handed to you on a silver spoon is nice. I'm talking luxury clothes, top private schools, an allowance bigger than the gods. and Dabi did It all cuz' he loves you.
and the media goes HAM over a teenage ProHero that already looks like a villain having a daughter with a stranger! the press goes wild over it, but the whole time, Dabi covers your little tiny face with his hand so the flashes of the cameras don't frighten you and calmly explains that he will not be taking any questions. he holds you tight to his chest the whole time.
But you know who as the most furious? ENJI. big guy cussed out Touya for 3 hours straight all while holding you, at first the refused to give his son any right to hold you let alone raise you! In Enji's eyes, his son is the most malicious thing to ever grace this planet, he drinks, he smokes, he has ten thousand tattoos and piercings along his burn marks to match, Dabi's essentially the devil, and he's not going to let him get anywhere close to his first ever grandchild and possible child prodigy that he can turn into his puppet! Rei and Fuyumi had to step in and try and convince Enji to let Dabi have you rather than file to take full custody of you with the promise if Dabi even showed hints of negligence towards you, he can take his son to court.
okay that the end of my rant. and please let me know if you want to know more about pro hero Dabi from me.
---
For those who don't know, this post is related to these
Pt 1, Pt 2
my stuff is right here: Bnha master list, rules for requesting, ask box
Note: YA'LL READ MY RULES FOR REQUESTING DAMN. I GOT 2 ANONS (more than my usual of 0) AND BOTH OF THEM ASKED FOR ROMANTICS (I DO NOT WRITE ROMANTICS)
please, please, read a writers rules, please follow them, and thank you to this anon who decided to be reasonable BECAUSE MAYBE THEY READ THE RULES BEFORE DECIDING TO ASK LIKE YOU"RE SUPPOSED TO THIS HAS HAPPENED NEARLY EVERY TIME I GET AN ASK.
taglist: @blurryperrtymoonlight @harkenizalone @lostiolite @rllytriedrn @mellyxqz @cupkiki @xxnessinessiellexx @dehlieee @frog-fans-unite @rian1023 @aikobabe @double-gs @mitsuki3123 @wolvwa @red4-0
#bnha#bnha x reader#bnha headcannons#bnha fluff#platonic yandere#child reader#bnha x child reader#dabi x reader#mha#dabi touya#dad dabi#dabi todoroki#dabi x y/n#dabi todoroki x reader#mha dabi#bnha dabi#dabi my hero academia#dabi#dabi x you#mha touya#bnha touya#touya todoroki#todoroki touya#touya x reader#touya x y/n#platonic yandere dabi#platonic yandere x reader#platonic reader#yandere platonic x child reader#platonic
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uh...hi?
[head pokes around corner]
so...
I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)
but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.
but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.
here's what happened:
in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.
no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.
tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.
now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.
anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.
I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.
it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.
but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.
OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.
but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."
well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.
but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.
I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.
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Heyy i LOVE your writing your my of my favs writers
was wondering if u could do like hc of tom with a reader like childhood bffs to dating only if you can â€
a/n: i love this trope so much so im so glad someone requested! imo it's one of the best and cutest tropes to ever exist. it's actually the one I'm using for my DR đ this is also kind of like a pt 2 for this post except with Tom instead of bill and there's not much mentioned of georg and gustav
childhood friends to lovers w/ tom
tom x fem!reader
âą you met tom and bill when your mom moved you to Loitsche when you were 5 years old, right next to tom and bills house. their mother met yours when their mother went over to introduce herself to you guys. that's when she mentioned that she had a daughter the same age as her sons.
âą that night, your mom brought you over there for dinner and you played with Tom and Bill. you guys had tons of fun and ended up becoming great friends that night.
âą after that, you guys hung out every day and hung out at school. you were their new bestfriend and as I mentioned in this post, you helped them switch back and forth and confuse the teachers.
âą the teachers were already used to their antics but with you, it just got worse and more complex. your mom scolded you a ton and ever had a fight with Tom and Bills mom because you kept getting into trouble but there was nothing they could do to stop you guys from hanging out.
âą it was really hard to tell them apart when they were younger so you got relieved as they got older and started to have their own style
âą you guys went bike riding all the time together and would ride for hours doing random shit
âą you, bill, and tom would always go to the pet store to see all the cute little animals
âą you would pick flowers for bill and make him a flower crown and even know tom refuses to admit it, he wishes you made him one too.
âą both bill and tom were very over protective of you, but tom mostly. if he ever found out that anybody hurt you in anyway, he'd be pissed.
âą you went trick or treating with bill and tom every year. (even though it wasn't too popular yet in the 90s in Germany)
âą sharing and switching candy with them was a must
âą you and tom were a bit closer than you and bill but you were still friends with both of them. it's not like you had a choice anyways.
âą you always slept in toms bed whenever slept over (which was pretty much almost every night) and you two were always cuddling.
âą bill and tom had bunk beds, so whenever you slept over you guys would put blankets around the edge of the top bunk and then tell scary stories
âą you guys would sneak onto the ice cream truck and steal as much as you could. you'd always end up puking after because of how much you ate.
âą you and tom would sit next to eachother every time in class and whine whenever you two had to move or got told to move because you guys were talking
âą tom has a massive sweet tooth and you guys would steal stuff from the corner store
âą you, bill and tom would hang out at the pool tons.
âą you and tom would practice playing guitar allllll the time
âą you were apart of the original "band" and played for weddings and other gigs with them
âą you helped their mom bake a cake for their birthday every year and you always had so much fun with her. she even taught you how to write their names on a cake
âą you went cd shopping with Tom for new cds and other old cds he didn't have.
âą when tom had his first kiss (WITH A 16 YR OLD GIRL AT 9 YEARS OLD đšđšđš) you didn't really know what to feel. you weren't even sure what you were feeling but you didn't like that he was kissing another girl
âą you never said anything though, what could you even say?
âą you and tom started out as just friends, no feelings at all not until you guys were pre-teens.
âą as you guys grew older, tom and bill started getting girlfriends. you never dated anybody though; mostly because of your insanely massive crush on Tom.
âą you basically just pined for him while he dated other girls. but you did feel nice sometimes. you got to see the side of him other girls didn't. you got to see how sweet and fun and nice he was with you. he was always different with you and if any girl had a problem with that, he'd drop them immediately.
âą you got to sleep in his bed and cuddle with him and stay up late and hang out with him 24/7. they didn't get to do that, you did. and that gave you a sense of security.
âą when the band started to actually become a band and you guys started getting more gigs, you and tom would always play next to eachother and even created your own style of playing with eachother
âą you helped tom pick out his red guitar
âą you and tom also have matching stickers on your guitars
âą whenever girls flirted with Tom, you'd always get jealous and sometimes even try and steer tom away from them. like if they started flirting, you'd come up to tom and say "we need to get to band practice" or "Bill needs you for something" etc. etc.
âą after a while, you'd come to the conclusion you just weren't his type and he'd never have feelings for you like you did for him.
âą when tom first told you guys he lost his virginity, your heart dropped. tom, your tom, lost his virginity. you wanted to cry but you couldn't, they wouldn't get it, they wouldn't understand. so you just laughed along with the guys and make jokes.
âą when durch den monsun came out, more and more girls were all over tom. but at this point, you'd gotten used to it. when you realized how many girls he was sleeping with, you just shoved all your feelings down and locked them away. feelings would ruin your friendship, right?
âą your hotel room was right next to toms so you could hear basically everything they were doing. it was absolute torture. why couldn't tom see your feelings, why didn't he feel the same way?
âą tom treated you like a little sister. it was awful. you wanted to cry everytime he called you dude or bro. he would never call you baby, or babe, or sexy. like he does other girls. he'd never see you like that.
âą when you guys are at clubs, you try your best not to watch him flirt with other girls. it's easier that way. but along with that, you just end up getting drunk.
âą tom would come running into your room at like 11 pm at night asking you for a condom. this became routine, and over time your heart shattered a little bit less only because you'd gotten used to this. used to him liking other girls.
âą one night, while you guys were out at a club. you got sloppy. when you were drinking you ended up stumbling over to tom and dragging him to another room. and that's where you confessed to him down you were feeling.
âą you ended up bawling your eyes out and saying how stupid it was because you know he'd never feel the same and that he doesn't want a serious relationship but you couldn't "help how you feel".
âą tom took you back home that night and cuddled you and rubbed your back until you fell asleep. little did you know he felt the exact same way about you...
edit: I'm super tired and wanna go to bed, but let me know if you want dating headcanons for this bc I will do it, I'm just so tired.
taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @spelaelamela @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @tokiiohot @bluepoptartwithsprinkles @saumspam @5hyslv7 @killed-kiss @memog1rl @80s-tingz @billybabeskaulitz @victryzvv9 @banshailey
#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz fanfics#tom kaulitz smut#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz tokio hotel#tokio hotel edits#tokio hotel fanfics#tokio hotel smut#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel#tokio hotel fanfic#tokio hotel imagine#tokio hotel tom kaulitz#fluff#smut#childhood friends to lovers#cute tropes#angst#x reader#x yn#tom kaulitz x yn
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Vigilante Book Club Part 2
Jason Todd x Reader
Masterlist - Join My Taglist! - Part 1 Part 3
Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)
Fandom: DC
Summary: After having an all-around terrible day, the only person who might be able to make it better is a certain book-loving vigilante.
Word Count: 1,562
Category: Fluff
A/N: This is the closest I've come all year to missing a Friday lol, but we got it done! Woohoo!
Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.
****************
I hummed to myself as I moved around the kitchen, dancing to the music I had on in the background while making sure everything cooked just right. I had a reputation to fix, after all, and I was determined to get it right.
After the Red Hood had broken into my apartment to return my favorite book last week, I'd convinced him to come back for a thank-you dinner and to talk about the book, which he'd been planning to read in the meantime. He'd also vaguely insulted my cooking, although I'd mostly forgiven him for that in light of him returning my book.
Tonight was the date we'd set for dinner and book-talk, and I'd spent the week preparing the perfect recipe. Even better, the kitchen currently smelled amazing, which had to be a good sign of success.
Right on cue, about the same time he'd shown up last week, I heard a knock on my door. I smiled, trying to ignore the way my heart sped up a little as I quickly wiped my hands on the kitchen towel and headed for the door.
I paused just long enough to look through the peep hole and, as expected, the Red Hood stood towering in my doorway. This time, instead of the whole-head helmet, he only had a red domino mask on. Thank goodness, since the dinner part of this whole evening would be ruined if he couldn't actually eat without revealing his secret identity. I swung open the door with a grin.
"Hi! I'm glad you came! Honestly, I was half expecting you to be at the window again."
He just grunted and shrugged.
"I wasn't sure you'd actually be home, or still up for this. Figured I'd come to the door and give you a chance to pretend not to be home."
"Don't be ridiculous," I said, waving off his concerns as I opened the door wide. "I've been looking forward to this all week. Unless, of course, you're here to hate on my favorite book. If that's the case, I think I'm going to have to throw you out."
He laughed. "Don't worry, I'd never do that. I know what a true favorite book means to a reader."
I gave him a little smile and a nod as I closed the front door, then headed past him into the kitchen. I gestured to the bar stools at my counter as I checked that everything still looked good.
"Have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?"
"A water would be great."
"Sure thing! Coming right up." I filled up a glass for Red Hood and myself, then fixed him with a smile as I set his glass down in front of him. "So... notice anything different from the last time you were here? Anything in the kitchen, maybe?"
He hummed, pausing and pretending to think. I put my hands on my hips and raised an eyebrow, and after a moment, he broke and grinned.
"I'll admit, the kitchen's looking much more promising than the last time you said you were making dinner in here."
"Thank you," I said, smiling as I turned around to start plating everything. "I told you, last time you were here was just a record-breaking bad day. A cooking fluke."
I could hear him hum behind me, at least pretending not to sound totally convinced.
"Next time, I'll make something. Everything you've got going right now looks amazing, but I'm a pretty good cook myself. I wouldn't want you thinking I'm acting like a critic out of nowhere."
I hesitated a second before turning around, trying to get my ridiculous smile and racing heart under control. I technically didn't know him very well yet, but so far, I'd started to really like Red Hood. I loved the idea of making this a regular thing, and I loved even more that he'd suggested it. I took a deep breath, then finally turned around, my smile still massive but at least a little more reasonable.
"Deal. Next time, you cook."
****************
I laughed, closing my book and shaking my head as I looked up at Hoodie. He looked back over the top of his own book, one eyebrow raised.
"What?" he asked, leaning slightly towards me. I shook my head, smiling all the same.
"Nothing. I just know why you wanted me to read this book so badly now."
"Oh yeah? And why's that?"
I cleared my throat dramatically and lifted Hoodie's copy of Northanger Abbey, which he'd temporarily loaned me, before starting to read:
"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
Hoodie grinned. "I'll admit, I may have levelled that quote at a family member or two. Although, I might widen the original to include stories in general."
I snorted. "And if one of those family members said they loved podcasts or movies or something, but not books?"
"No, they're the exception. They're idiots whether or not they enjoy a good story."
I laughed, and after a moment, Hoodie joined me. Since that first reading date, we'd made our unofficial vigilante book club into a weekly occurance. He always came over to my place, and we spent the evening talking about books, or reading together and then talking about books. We alternated who cooked, and this time, it was his responsibility. He had food cooking in the crock-pot, and the delicious smells had been temping me for the better part of the past few hours.
"So I take it you're enjoying the book?" he asked, laying his down in his lap. I nodded, mirroring his gesture and sitting up a little straighter.
"I am. I can't believe it took me so long to get around to reading it! I've loved all the other Austen I've read."
"Which is why we get along," he said with a grin. I nodded.
"I could never spend time like this with a man who didn't at least appreciate Pride and Prejudice."
"Of course not."
"But what about you? Are you liking your book of the week?"
He nodded, scooting a little closer to me on the couch.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have good taste in books. I don't think you've picked one yet that I haven't liked."
"...Now I sort of want to take that as a challenge."
Hoodie just rolled his eyes.
"Be careful. I've read some shit I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I can and will use it as payback if I have to."
I laughed. "I don't know, I've read some pretty unbeatably bad ones..."
"Oh yeah? Well how about-"
He stopped short at the sound of a ringtone. I raised an eyebrow as he grimaced. Not once, in all the weeks we'd been doing this, had either of us let a phone interrupt the night.
"Sorry. Vigilante phone," he grunted. "Just a second."
I waved him off to let him know it was no problem, and he shot me a quick smile before answering. To my surprise, he held it out in front of him and put it on speaker.
"What do you want?" he barked without a hello. "I'm busy."
"Yeah, so busy that nobody's been able to get a hold of you all night!" came an exasperated voice that sounded much too young for that level of exhaustion. "We started prepping for Alfred's birthday-"
BOOM! A loud noise that sounded too close to an explosion for comfort cut off the rest of the sentence. My jaw dropped open at the same time that the kid on the other end of the phone shouted out at the top of his lungs.
"JASON! What happened? Are you- oh shit, I think that was on my end." A brief pause, some scuffling, and the sound of an alarm in the background as Hoodieâas Jasonâand I sat frozen in place on the couch. "Just get back here as soon as you can to help!"
The kid on the other end hung up, leaving Jason and I in the ringing silence of my apartment. After a moment, the man on the couch next to me sighed heavily, and I decided to beat him to the punch on further breaking the silence.
"I am... so sorry," I said. "I know you probably didn't want that, like, getting out, and-"
"Stop," he said gently, reaching out to take my hands in his. I did, opting instead to chew on the inside of my lip as I looked at him with wide eyes. "Look, it's not exactly how I wanted this to go, and I wasn't expecting Timbo to use the vigilante phone to say my civilian name, but... I've been thinking about telling you for a while. I'm not upset that you know, and I've know you long enough now that I trust you to keep my secret."
My mouth dropped open a little as a thousand butterflies exploded in my chest. This was a major leap of faith and trust in the relationship we'd been building in our little book club. I squeezed Jason's hands, smiling as I leaned into him a little. He grinned back at me, then sighed.
"Now, if you hated Austen, maybe I'd have to be a little more worried about all this..."
I gasped. "I could never."
"Exactly. You're not somebody I'm worried about here."
We shared another, softer smile, and then I reluctantly dropped Jason's hands.
"Speaking of people you should be worried about... whoever made that call sounded like they could use your help."
Jason's eyes rolled back so far I couldn't see the pupils anymore.
"They're idiots who should never be allowed anywhere near a kitchen, but they'll survive without me for a little longer. At least long enough to do this."
For a split second, I expected him to lean in for a kiss, and my heart did a backflip in my chest. Instead, he reached up for the domino mask still sitting comfortably on his face, which somehow seemed more intimate.
Slowly, he pulled away the fabric, revealing the bright blue eyes it had been hiding. When he smiled, this time I could see the corners of his eyes turning up along with his mouth, and even from a few feet away I could see his gorgeous eyelashes. It took some actual effort not to swoon, even though his face didn't change significantly from when he'd been wearing the mask.
"Like what you see?" he asked, tone soft but joking. I huffed a laugh and let a smile make its way back onto my face.
"Yeah. I do."
"Good. Then... what do you think about going out? On a real date, with me, not Red Hood? No pressure if you're not interested, but-"
"I would love that," I said, my smile morphing to take up my entire face. "Jason."
He beamed back at me the second his name left my lips, the two of us gravitating towards each other until his vigilante phone started blaring again and Jason rolled his eyes.
"I better go. But I'll see you... this Friday? Pick you up at six?"
I nodded. "It's a date."
Jason grinned, his eyes darting back to me every few seconds as he collected his things. We agreed to just keep each other's books until Friday since we wouldn't get to finish reading them together tonight, making Jason the first person I'd ever trusted with my only copy of a book. Our goodbye took longer than it should've since he had explosions to deal with and we were seeing each other again in a few days, but neither of us could bear to part any faster. And when the front door finally shut, it was hours before I actually wiped the smile off my face.
Who could've guessed something positive would come out of one of my most obnoxious bad days to date, let alone someone as wonderful as Jason?
****************
Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen
DC Taglist: @gaychaosgremlin @v1ckycheesue
#sophie's year of fic#dc#jason todd#jason todd x reader#dc fanfiction#dc oneshot#dc imagine#dc x reader#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd oneshot#jason todd imagine#red hood x reader#red hood#red hood fanfiction#tim drake#alfred pennyworth#the waynes#gotham#dcu#red hood oneshot
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May I please have p1 dude x reader Headcanons đ I love him so much (sob)
Also I'm from the RWS server LOL
P1 dude/reader HCs
Iâm not gonna lie to you chief i am writing this in my lecture hall because i have no time otherwise LMAOO
Enjoy !!
ââââââââââ-
Heâs not very social so the fact that you two even met in the first place is lowkey a miracle. Heâll dwell on this a lot. Were it not for the fact that the two of you were coincidentally at the same grocery store at the same time, he doesnât think you wouldâve ever even have heard of him.
(this is more of a gen headcanon, but) adding on to his antisocial personality, itâs been years since the incident in paradise (however you may interpret it, whether it be just a dream or an actual, physical event,) that lead to his long-term hospitalization at the paradise psychiatric ward. He had been staying there for as long as he can remember, only being released very recently due to medical advancements with medication for mental health issues. Itâs not exactly a topic he likes to talk about though he may crack a joke that youâre not sure you can laugh at every once in a while.
Very schedule oriented. When you two began dating it was difficult for him to adjust to having another presence in his life. In the beginning he usually had to host dates at his place, just because he didnât want to adjust at all. Its a push and pull process but the two of you are working on a more relaxed, healthier schedule.
Youâll notice that he patrols the borders of his house every once in a while. His paranoia can get high and at times he feels unsafe in his home. Itâs mostly harmless behavior, and he doesnât mind if you join him.Â
You're going to be subject to a LOT of rambling about his weapons. He's a big collector, doesn't matter if they don't work, as long as they can look pretty. He keeps his ârealâ firearms and ammunition in safeboxes around his house. If you don't already know, he's teaching you how to use them.
As I've stated in other writings, I think that all of the dudes enjoy physical contact in one way or another. Unlike P2, P1 dude prefers to initiate physical contact and be able to pull away at any time. Donât get him wrong, he loves physical contact, but he can be overstimulated at times and would prefer to not be in a pissy mood when around you.
When you start getting him to go out, he prefers to be able to go out to somewhere more spacious and more nature oriented, (as stated in the dating HCs.) so he can bring baby Champ with him.
Speaking of Champ, that puppy is his fucking lifeline. I like to think that in this universe Champ is his service dog in training, and is the first thing he received when he left the ward. If you donât fw Champ, the chances of you two getting together are lower than 0%. On the other hand, nothing brings him more joy than when youâre lazing around at his home together and you start playing with Champ. He thoroughly enjoys it when you help him with Champâs training, he loves seeing his two favorites get along!
Does not like it when he misses taking his meds. Youâre going to have to assure him that missing one dosage isnât going to erase all of the progress heâs made. Dude would be more on edge on the days when that happens. Sometimes this will lead to a meltdown, and honestly (as somebody who has the same issues that he does,) there really isnât much you can do except be there for him.
Appreciates everything you do for him and will not hesitate to try to one-up you. Youâve offhandedly bought him food? Heâs treating you to dinner. Homemade. Take care of him when heâs sick? Flowers, chocolate, and a day out with Champ. He doesnât have the most money in the world but he wants to show you that he cares too.
Doesnât want to seem dependent on anything, so sometimes he might pull away from you. Heâs been independent for most of his life, so it hits an insecurity when he thinks he might have been âburdeningâ you with his issues. Heâs not exactly used to being treated with so much kindness.
Overall? Be patient with this man for the love of god. Itâll take him some time to open up and yeah, heâs got his issues, but in the end heâs just a guy trying to make the best of a life full of experiences he never asked for.
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I have now finally seen the Mario movie. It was Pretty Good. Here are my wordy thoughts on it. (I am going to spoil the entire movie. Duh.)
In many ways, the Mario movie does what I wish the first Sonic movie had done. They just took the characters and the premise and the world from the games, and made it a straightforward animated adventure movie. It's bright and colorful and remixes things JUST enough to include fun elements from multiple games, and it doesn't make Mario get adopted by James Marsden or whatever. It even has the music!
That's all you really need, right? Right...?
I'll get this out of the way up front. Chris Pratt was fine. He's fine
If anything, it really feels like they did the movie a disservice by letting us hear so little of the Mario voice in the previews. It took one scene for Pratt to disappear into the role for me. It was totally fine. If anything, I found Charlie Day's normal voice coming out of Luigi WAY more distracting, even if I did like him in the role.
Everyone else was pretty good, for the most part. Jack Black was obviously very good as Bowser, but I'm biased. Seth Rogen does the Seth Rogen laughs as Donkey Kong, but I thought DK was fun, too. (I liked his little rivalry with Mario where he was just constantly giving him shit.) The only casting choice I truly hated was Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong. I hated every line that came out of his mouth. He sounds atrocious. Just the worst. I swear to fucking god if they do a DKC movie and we have to hear him for 90 minutes
I did think Peach was lacking, but that was on the script, not Anya Taylor-Joy's performance. It's cool to see Peach fight, but it's one of those all too common instances where the writers put so much effort into making the main girl kick ass and be an effortlessly confident girlboss that they forgot to give her an actual personality. Not that I'd point to Super Princess Peach and its mood swing superpowers as positive representation or anything, but there's a happy middle ground, surely. Shrek was 22 years ago, just having the princess do flying kung fu kicks isn't enough.
Okay. With the voices out of the way, let's talk about the big picture:
It's way better than the words "Illumination Mario movie" implied, and I mostly enjoyed my time with it. The spirit of Mario is there 100%. But I'd also describe it as "ruthlessly efficient."
This was perhaps the main complaint critics had, and they were absolutely right. People have responded to these totally average reviews with "Well, what did you expect? Shakespeare?! It's MARIO!!" Like, yes, I would prefer it if the movie I paid to see had writing that was good instead of bad. What a shocker. My issue isn't that it's not "high-brow" enough. The problem is that it feels mercenary. It feels like an editor went through and deleted almost every line of dialogue that isn't some form of exposition, at the expense of the pacing. Any scene that's not a montage or some sort of action is kept as short as they could make it, with barely any room for embellishment, character interaction, or anything other than the bare minimum word count to hit all the typical Save the Cat Hollywood screenwriting 101 story beats to the letter. There aren't even as many jokes as you might think (and the ones that are there are extremely hit or miss, including a lot of the slapstick with Mario himself).
Mario and Peach's little arc together in the front half of the film is probably the worst example of this pacing. Even having read reviews that complained about how fast Peach goes from meeting Mario (by her admission the first other human she's ever met) to deciding to train him as the new savior of the Mushroom Kingdom, I was SHOCKED at how fast it was. They don't even lampshade it.
Peach takes Mario straight into the big training sequence where he learns how to use mushrooms and jump over platforming obstacles. Peach is apparently already a hypercompetent platforming pro and a great fighter, so there's no clear reason why she's taking the time to train this random guy to be half as good as her when the world is in danger. Then they set off on their adventure, Toad joins them, and we get a VERY brief travel montage. It's about thirty seconds total - just long enough to give Peach a line about how she wants to protect this beautiful world of hers to try and give her some stakes. We get the genre-mandated nighttime campfire heart to heart, which is exactly long enough to have Mario say he misses Luigi and to have Peach give the two sentence summary of her origin story and not a second longer. Then they reach the Kongs, and their big journey is complete. (They barely interact for the rest of the movie.) So much of the movie is like this - always ready to get on to the next scene as soon as a new one starts.
I'm not criticizing the script because I expect The Super Mario Bros. Movie to be a prestige drama - although there are certainly halfhearted attempts at a dramatic arc. The stuff with Mario's family was a fun enough idea, but again, ruthless efficiency. We get one quick scene with them at the start to give Mario some pathos, because I guess Save the Cat said he's gotta have some pathos. And then Mario gets his dad's approval amidst the action of the final battle in Brooklyn to resolve his arc, just so the movie can end as quickly as possible once Bowser is defeated. (Despite now having the approval of their family and their community back in Brooklyn, Mario and Luigi move to the Mushroom Kingdom off-screen without a single word dedicated to this decision, because that's where they live in the games.)
Look. I am not comparing it to The Godfather. Don't give me that shit. I am not asking for an extra half hour to explore Mario and Luigi's childhood trauma. I am not asking for the complex inner workings of the Mushroom Kingdom monarchy. I know this is gonna be a basic Hero's Journey adventure for kids. It just feels like it's turning down so many opportunities to have a little fun with the characters, to let them interact and play off of each other, to let there be some adventure on this adventure. This is the first time we've gotten to see these characters interact with fully voiced dialogue in a very, very long time! "Yeah, it's not High Art, but it's FUN!" Stories are fun! Character interactions are fun! The script could be having so much more fun!! It is adamantly against making the Story parts of this story-driven movie any more Fun than they functionally need to be!!!
Mario, Peach, and Toad's journey to find the Kongs is shorter than the training montage that precedes it. After the opening, Bowser mostly just sits in his castle and waits for the third act to start. Luigi's there, too, but he only gets one scene with Bowser and then the movie mostly forgets he exists until the climax. He doesn't even get to try and sneak out of Bowser's castle and get up to hijinx. He's just there to be a motivation for Mario, so he sits in a cage for half the movie. It's the bare outline of a script with action scenes added in.
Aside from the fact that it's Jack Black singing as Bowser, I feel like this overly-efficient script might be part of the reason why the "Peaches" scene stands out so much. It's a moment that didn't strictly need to be there to keep the plot moving or to provide an action setpiece. It's not even a reference to another Mario thing. It's just a fun and memorable little character moment that's there for its own sake. That's what the movie needed more of. To stop and smell the roses more often. To play in the space.
To be clear, this isn't a unique problem with this movie. Critics have been noting for years that second acts are disappearing from big Hollywood movies in favor of the Act I plot setup and the Act III action, even though Act II is supposed to be where you get to explore your actual premise. And lots of animated movies give me this exact same vibe of being too "screenwriterly," or feeling like they had an executive breathing down their necks and demanding changes based on focus testing. But these common issues are why I come away mostly feeling like the movie is on the better end of "average," rather than totally blowing my mind. You have seen this movie many times before, just not with Mario in it.
And, of course, there's the music. The score by Brian Tyler based on various classic Mario and Donkey Kong tunes (frustratingly all attributed to Koji Kondo) is absolutely beautiful, but it's unfortunately frequently overshadowed by the licensed music. Everyone already complained about things like the use of Take On Me in place of a lovingly arranged DKC medley, but it feels illustrative of the tug of war the movie is caught in the middle of, between wanting to be a lavishly faithful Mario movie and wanting to be a generic tentpole animated adventure movie. Every single licensed song used is the most obvious, overused song they could have picked for the scene. It reeks of cynical executive meddling and it took me out of the movie every time.
But there really was a lot of care and love put into this movie - more than probably any other video game movie ever made, not that that's a high bar. I don't want to underplay that too much amidst all my complaints spurred by the absolutely insane response to the reviews.
Aside from the countless background references that people will be picking apart for years, touches like the Captain Toad tune playing in the background of Toad's introduction or the Mario Kart 8 menu music playing in the kart garage really help bring it to another level of authenticity. I also enjoyed seeing some more obscure Mario enemies that felt like they were picked more for being fun to animate than for being nostalgic and marketable. No matter how many times I sarcastically pointed to the screen and deadpanned "reference. reference." I am not immune to noticing these things and smiling. I am not immune to the DK Rap. These alone don't make the movie good, but it's nice to have a video game movie that feels like it was made by people who like video games.
Most importantly, the animation is great throughout. It's leaps and bounds ahead of other Illumination work, and it's the best the Mario cast has ever looked. They even made Donkey Kong handsome, somehow. They're all so squishy and expressive, and they move so fluidly - especially in the action scenes. I particularly liked the more kinetic ones like the aerial Banzai Bill chase and the Mario Kart sequence. Truly, the Mad Max-inspired car battle on Rainbow Road where Mario literally does the speedrun shortcut is this movie firing on all cylinders.
Other, more hand-to-hand fights nail the Popeye-esque vibe Mario should be going for. He's an underdog who gets the shit kicked out of him by bigger, stronger opponents until he gets his signature powerup and turns the tables on them. My favorite animation of all probably came from the use of Cat Mario to turn the tide in the DK fight. They had so much fun making Mario move like a cat. Again, it feels like a choice made because it'd be fun to animate rather than just a nostalgia move.
It's that animation and that attention to detail that carry the film, really. They elevate it from mediocrity into being a fun watch for a fan like me, albeit one I couldn't help but pick apart with Anthony as we watched it at home. I'm glad I saw it, but there's a lot of room to improve with the inevitable sequel. I hope they do. I can't deny that I had fun with the movie, but I hope next time that fun is partially because of the script instead of in spite of it.
Stray thoughts:
Overall, I would say I enjoyed the movie a lot more than Sonic 1, but probably not as much as Sonic 2. Not that these movies need to be pitted against each other.
I hated the Luma. I hated how hilarious they clearly thought the Luma was. They have the fucking Luma break the fourth wall to end the movie and start the credits. This is going to be a deep cut for fans of bad animated films, but the whole time I was just thinking of the little fish from Romeo & Juliet: Sealed With A Kiss who's just the director's kid saying random nonsense. You know I'm right
I rolled my eyes at the "our princess is in another castle" joke and several other jokes that would have been dated in a gamer webcomic 20 years ago but I guess they had to be there
How much of Brooklyn did Bowser's giant floating castle take out? We know 9/11 happened in this universe because the Freedom Tower is there, hasn't New York been through enough
I can't believe there's a Diskun easter egg
The dog is the most Illumination character design in the movie. It felt like it wandered on set from The Secret Life of Pets
Mario being a gamer and playing Kid Icarus of all things just made me remember this tweet:
Yes Anthony did get mad at me for being thirsty for Bowser
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Jewel, I know your requests are closed but I desperately need to hear your thoughts on who in BTS would do this: https://www.tumblr.com/writing-prompt-s/739417828719034368/you-a-powerful-demoness-have-just-been-summoned
and why is it Namjoon (the potential for crack with this 148 IQ man who is also way more innocent than we think acc to one park jimin just takes me out)
i'm so sorry it took me so long to finish and post this but thank you so much for sending it bc i have been cackling about this scenario ever since.
the prompt: you, a powerful demoness, have just been summoned to earth. this man, this human, wants you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a few days so his parents will get off his back about it.
the gang summons a demon
pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: supernatural au; crack warnings: reader is a demon and engages in demon behavior, swearing, namjoon makes mention of not being straight, heteronormative parental expectations, jk learns about arcane things on tumblr (which is not an original idea; i read a fic ages ago where taekook are tumblr witches but i cannot find it, so credit to that author or whoever came up with it first), unedited so any mistakes are mine. rating: e for everyone wordcount: 2k
Itâs been years since youâve been to Earthâeven longer since youâve been to South Korea.
âI havenât been here since 1910,â you say, staring at the gobsmacked man across from you. Heâs tall, with tanned skin and a bleached buzz cut; a smattering of tattoos dotting his toned armsâwhites and rich hues of blue, imitations of some kind of ceramic art, you think; a golden hoop through his nose; cheeks with dimples so deep youâre sure theyâll crater. âPeople here definitely didnât look like you back then, so Iâm going to assume weâre pretty far into the future.â
âItâs 2024,â he answers, seemingly still a little dazed. Heâs staring at you with wide eyes, jaw dropped. Normally itâs nice to be looked at like that, with all the reverence and awe you deserve, but Earth is not your favorite place to be. Doesnât even crack the top fifty, if youâre being honest. âDid you say 1910? As in the beginning of theââ
You sigh. âUh-huh. Hey, if you wouldnât mind hurrying this up, Iâve got things to do.â The man continues staring. Could be a trick of the light, but you think heâs turning paler by the second.
Minutes tick by. Nothing but silence.
âAre you even listening to me?â you snarl, quickly losing patience you were never given. âI said Iâve got shit to do. My scheduleâs booked solid for the next eight centuries, so I really donât have time to be dilly-dallying in mundane human affairs. Your problems are always so boring.â
More silence.
Which is irksome, sure, but whatâs worse is this stupid fucking circle youâre trapped in. Drawn crudely on the floor of (seemingly) this human manâs actual apartment, which wouldâve told you all youâd needed to know, if youâd taken ten seconds to take in your surroundings upon first being summoned. This place has got books stacked floor to ceiling in every available inch of space, but youâre certain this person is a fucking idiot.
âHello?â
The man shakes his head. âOh, sorry, I justâIâm Namjoon? Kim Namjoon.â
âI donât care.â
âRight, right.â He sucks in a deep breath. âWell, youâre probably wondering why I summoned you here todayââyou roll your eyesââand, uh.â Namjoon scratches at the back of his neck, anxiety oozing from every pore on his body. Definitely paler. âI am too, to be honest.â
âYou whatââ
âI didnât mean to!â Namjoon hurriedly adds, all of that anxiety shifting quickly into pure panic. âItâs justâit was a joke! Mostly! Jeongguk said it as a joke, because everything he says is a joke, and I shouldâve known that, butâI donât know! Iâve tried everything else, and the longer its gone on the more desperate Iâve become, and suddenly what Jeongguk said as a joke didnât sound so much like a joke anymore! Iâm sorry! I didnât think itâd actually work!â
It takes your brain a minute to translate and decipher the useless slush that just came out of his mouth, but when it does⊠oh, when it does, you feel absolutely murderous. âYou summoned me as a joke?â
Namjoon must see it, too. Thereâs no way youâre looking cool, calm, and collected right now, because youâve seen the faces of others that have witnessed your wrath, and they were almost always on the brink of (if not outright) shitting their pants. This stupid, clueless human in front of you doesnât appear to be faring much better.
So you continue, just to watch him squirm. âDo you have any idea who I am?â
âUm,â comes his brilliant response. âYes?â
âAnd who am I?â
He holds up his pointer finger and digs through the back pocket of his jeans. Pulls out a crumbled scrap of paper, nearly soiled from ass sweat and time, and his eyes squint as he tries to read it. âIâwell, itâs probably not an accurate translation, you know, sinceââ
âWhat does that piece of parchment say, Kim Namjoon?â
âNothing,â he lies. âI canât read it anyway, so⊠a-haaaâŠâ
Patience officially worn thin, you snap your fingers, delighting in the startled shriek that escapes him as the paper goes up in a plume of smoke. âI am going to give you one chance to be honest with me,â you explain slowly, leveling him with a look. âWho do you think I am, and why am I here?â
Namjoon pales further. Looks like heâs trying to melt right through the floor into a puddle of useless slush, and youâd be more than willing to speed up the process if it werenât for this god forsaken demon trap.
âCan Iâcan I sit down for this?â
Kim Namjoon, you learn, has a friend named Jeon Jeongguk.
Jeon Jeongguk, you also come to learn, has learned magic from a website called Tumblr.
âThere, uh. There are definitely blogs for that sort of thing,â Namjoon explains, tattooed fingers scratching at the back of his neck. He takes a very quick glance at you. âClearly not very accurate ones.â
You hum. âThatâs the only smart thing Iâve heard you say since I showed up in this shithole.â
Namjoon gawks. âHey, my apartment isnât a shithole! Itâs the best I could afford, alright? There was just an article in The Business Times about how archaic of a system jeonse isââ
âUh-huh. And this⊠website?â
Namjoon goes red. Coughs into his fist. âOh, right, yeah. Iâm gonna be honest with youââ
âI already said thatââ
ââmy parents are coming to visit from Ilsan in a few days and I need a girlfriend.â
You blink. Once, twice, three times. Long enough to replace the rug that had been pulled from under you, because youâre pretty sure you heard this human man allude to having summoned you so you can pretend to be his girlfriend.
All things considered, youâre impressed by how calm you are. This is not a trait most demons have, you especially, and it makes you nostalgic for the days you used to rip men apart limb by limb for less.
âAre you insane?â you ask simply.
âIn my defense,â he explains around a wince, âJeongguk said it was a love spell.â
âA love spell.â Namjoon nods. âAnd you wound up summoning a demon.â
âIt⊠appears I may have done that, yes.â
âAnd you want a demon to meet your parents?â
âI mean⊠when in Rome, right?â
âIâve committed at least four-hundred and sixty-seven separate atrocities there, so no, probably not when in Rome.â
Namjoonâs jaw drops. He tucks his knees closer to his chest. âChrist, thatâs a lot. How did you have the time?â
âIâm immortal,â you deadpan.
âRight, right. Anyway, to answer your question: yes.â
Your eyes narrow. âHow bad are your parents that youâd want me to meet them?â
âTheyâre fine, mostly. I just⊠am not what they expected in a son? Like, I have the hair and the tattoos and I dropped out of my engineering program in university to pursue art and poetry, so the least I could do is find a wife and settle down and give them grandchildren, but I donât even know if I want to ever settle down. Iâm also not⊠heterosexual? Entirely? Do you see that a lotââ
You sigh. âMisconception. Not to launch you into some kind of existential crisis, but the gods really donât give a shit who you humans sleep with.â
âGods? As in plural?â You snap your fingers. Namjoonâs fingers immediately go to his temples. âDamn, I have a really bad migraine all of a sudden.â
âYeah, that was me.â
âWhatâd you do?â
âMade you forget something.â
âOh. Whatâd I forget?â It takes a second. âOh, right, yeah. Um. What was the last thing I said?â
âYour parents wanted you to be an engineer and have a ton of kids but you like art and also not-women, sometimes.â
He flushes again. âIâyes.â
You sigh, arms crossed over your chest. All you want to do is sit down, or open a window. This apartment smells far too strongly of patchouli. âLook, I havenât been to this place in a long time, but surely you arenât undesirable by your societyâs standards.â
âAre you saying Iâm attractive?â
You scowl. âNo. Iâm saying there had to have been easier ways of doing this, and also can you open a window?â
âItâs February.â
âThat means nothing to me.â
âItâs really cold outside.â
âIâm literally from Hell. Go put on a sweater, then.â
With a roll of his eyes, Namjoon stands and moves to the window. Cracks it open a millimeter, just enough for the cold to seep in, before heâs stalking off towardâyouâre assumingâhis bedroom. You think heâs shoving a garment over his head when he calls out, âYou know, youâre really fucking bossy for someone stuck in a trap.â
You vow to kill him as soon as youâre free.
It isnât often youâre held hostage.
Usually you can spot a trick coming a thousand miles away, but since Namjoon hadnât meant to summon you at all, youâd been caught unawares. Doomed to be stuck in a demon trap, just like heâd said, which meant you didnât have a ton of bargaining power.
At least thatâs what youâre telling yourself, because as you sit across from Namjoonâs parents at some fancy restaurant, you arenât convinced he isnât a crossroads demon himself.
âSo,â his mother begins, turning her attention to you, âwhat do you do for work?â
Namjoon elbows you beneath the table, giving you a silent warning to stick to the script. Youâre only here under threat of forceâbecause Jeongguk had stopped by Namjoonâs apartment, saw you in the summoning circle, and nearly fainted before going back to Tumblr to find a binding spell.
Except that one wasnât great, either, because it only bound you and Namjoon together for three days instead of forever. And, as penance for all the chaos youâve sown across the universe, Namjoonâs parentsâ visit fell within that time frame, so here you are.
Out to dinner. With humans.
Youâre pretending to be someoneâs girlfriend.
Youâre in for the most embarrassing ribbing of your existence once youâre home.
âI work with idols,â you respond, as convincingly as possible, because Namjoon had thought itâd be really funny. Get it? heâd said. Like false idols? You hadnât laughed. âItâs very secretive, of course, butââ
You donât finish your thought, because Namjoonâs mother looks delighted: face lit up with mirth, smile blinding, eyes half-lidded under the weight of her happiness. âOh, how exciting! Has he told you he used to do performances to old H.O.T songs? Namjoonie, what was that one song you likedââ
âEomma, pleaseââ
âWasnât it âCandyâ?â Namjoonâs dad offers from behind his menu. Itâs the first thing heâs said all evening.
Namjoon whimpers, foregoing all social decorum and lectures on posture to sink further in his chair.
You do not, under any circumstances, feel a hint of fondness.
(Which dissipates not even twenty-four hours later.
âThe blog was deleted,â Jeongguk says, eyes wide as saucers. âIâthe blog is gone, I donât know how toââ
âWhat do you mean the blog is gone?â The poor kid is overcome with panic and fear, tries to stutter out a response that makes no sense to you at all through his sobs. âJeon Jeongguk, what do you mean the blog is gone?â
âIâitâsâI had it bookmarked, I swear! Once the binding spell wore off I was gonna send it to Namjoon hyung so he could send you back, but the blog is gone so the post is gone, too. I donâtâwhat do I even search forâoh my god, please donât kill me, I think Iâm having a panic attack, Iâm gonnaââ
And then this human man vomits all over your feet. Namjoon sighs as he goes to fetch a bucket, and you think itâll be a miracle if any of these peopleâyourself includedâlive to see the end of the week.)
#namjoon x reader#bts x reader#namjoon fanfic#namjoon imagine#namjoon scenarios#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts scenarios#jewel writes#jewel answers
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please help my baby get his ear surgery done<3
thank you for clicking read more :)
so after months of testing the vet informed us a few days ago that our cat does, in fact, have skin cancer. to get more specific it's actually squamous-cell carcinoma.
(text is in spanish but im sure google lens can translate pretty well.)
it's affecting the tip/side of his left ear and hasn't spread to his nose or the other ear, so the vet recommended surgery to get the ear removed as soon as we possibly can. this would be on september 2nd, this monday.
exams like x-rays and biopsies have already been pretty expensive so i'm making this post to hopefully offset the cost of his pinnectomy (ARS$180,000->USD$189) even just a little bit. the whole thing has been really stressing and adding to that a messed up family situation where i can't ask them for help, please trust me when i say i wouldn't do this if i didn't need to.
details for the fic commissions:
my ao3 account for reference
right now im working on stuff for supernatural and formula 1 so that's where my brain's at, mostly, but ive done a lot of writing for jojo's bizarre adventure (im Very fluent with jotaro and all part 3-4 characters) and for the argies in the room, i've even written stuff for los simuladores and el marginal. i have no issues writing in spanish (rioplatense).
im also comfortable writing for genshin impact. been playing for years and im familiar with the lore up until fontaine. i've been itching to write something for a while :)
im Very Very familiar with x reader fics and will do OC x Character or OC x OC gladly as long as you provide character art or detailed descriptions to help me capture them best.
im comfortable writing pretty much every ship for the fandoms i named and can do gen, teen, mature and explicit works. im open to all kinks and have a history of doing incest and age-gap pairings. im comfortable with most dark themesâ will write dub-con, non-con, cnc, and want to hear your weirdly specific skinks. in general, it's easier to say what i will not do than what i will. no judgement, as long as you respect
what i will not do:
horror
gore
necrophilia
violent non-con or explicit non-con (mentioning it in the story is fine, but i will not write the actual scene)
scat
vore
race play (hateful imagery/racial slurs)
kidfic
for formula 1 im simply inept at doing maxiel and c2. in general, i struggle with max and carlos. won't write anything for lando, sorry. anything else from 2010 to 2024 is fine, and im open to AUs of any kind as well as gender bending :)
pricing
Tier 3 â USD$5 for 500 words. 5 slots open
Tier 2 â USD$10 for 1k to 3k words. 2 slots open
Tier 1 â USD$25 for 4k to 10k words. 2 slots open
if i exceed wordcount in any case, it's on me. i'm a yapper.
contact me here or ask for my gmail in tumblr dms ^^
i can only accept ppal for USD$. if you're in argentina and you're interested, dm me for mercadopago info :)
(if you just want to donate that's totally cool. i just felt weird asking for money without anything to offer. it's a me thing)
ppal link
if you read this whole thing, thank you. here is the boy himself. he's almost 11 years old, incredibly grumpy, manipulative, called ugly by almost all my friends, has already gone through eye surgery so that's why his eyes look Like That, and on the rare occasion he sits on my lap i literally cry.
please put sunscreen on your cats, especially if they have white hair like aki. we didn't know for the longest time that exposure to the sun could cause skin cancer on cats and by the time we knew and started doing it, it was too late.
#edited bc i accidentally posted prematurely oops#anyways pls reblog it means a lot to me#cw pet health
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- title - love letters.
- pairing - yuta okkotsu x reader
- characters mentioned - Toge Inumaki, Panda, Maki Zen'in, Satoru Gojo, Rika Orimoto
- word count - 361
- summary - a valentine's day letter from your darling Yuta.
- tw - reader is referred to as pretty, mentions of food, lmk if there are any to add!
- a/n at the bottom!
- For Yuta Okkotsu's darling's eyes ONLY!! -
- Please refrain from opening until February 14th. Sorry! <3 -
Hi darling!
I know this letter must be odd, considering our daily video calls. But it is a special occasion after all! Happy Valentine's day, my love. I wish I could be there to spend it with you, but it's hard to get much time off while training over here. But I'll make it up to you, I promise.
On that note, I really really miss you, pretty. I can't wait until I can be back in your arms, and I can finally fall asleep with you again (side note: Melatonin has some side effects I do NOT recommend. I think it messed up my sleep schedule more...).
Inumaki, Panda, and Maki told me you all are going out to dinner to celebrate. Please make sure to eat well and stay hydrated! And please take lots of pictures for me. I can't wait to hear all about it during our call tonight.
Anyways...with your permission, I'd like to get a little mushy with you. Mostly, I just want to tell you how grateful I am for you. For how you've shown me just as much love as if I was there with you. It means the world to me. And well...I also wanted to tell you that I love you. A whole lot. And I really do mean it when I say I miss you. I'd do just anything to be able to wake up next to you again (despite Gojo's teasing about "whatever came the night before,") and spend today with you - every day, for that matter. And, if you'll have me, I'd love to spend Valentine's day with you properly next year. And the year after. For forever...if you'll have me. Forever...just as our souls are entwined for just as long.
I have to go now, but please know that every word written in this letter comes straight from my heart, and I'll repeat everything for you later, or as many times as you need to hear it to be able to understand just how much I love you. Thank you for everything, darling. Kisses!
Forever yours,
Yuta Okkotsu
P.S., Rika says hello!
pumkin speaks: hello, hello! hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the fact that i'm ACTUALLY writing! it's nice to get back into it. shoutout to my 6 followers who stuck it out fr. not much to say this time...except that i really really love yuta sm. hes so đđđ okay thats basically it. thanks for reading!
likes, reblogs, requests and feedback are vv appreciated! divider credits go to r0se-designs. have a nice day!
#x reader#pumkin writes#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#okkotsu yuuta x reader#okkotsu yuta x reader#yuta x reader
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