#but like... literally 5 whole ass years

[delsinsrowes]

favorite Detroit: Become Human things

[7/∞]: Tie-less Connor

[covington-shenanigans]

christ alive I love my parents and I'm glad I got to see them but they are just. so fucking exhausting

[toxooz]

me emotionally switching from 50 year old dad to middle schooler every 5 minutes this entire year bc the hormonal imbalance is desecrating my rat brain

[girlcockholmes]

now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off

[outerspacious]

8 more hours at this job and I’m freeeeeeeee

[giantkillerjack]

"Oh, Jack. You silly boi. You know that help at the top of the stairs is no help at all."

---

Art piece i may delete later about my parents offering money to me and my sisters to pay for either grad school (a thing I don't want and can't do with my disability) or my wedding (also a thing I don't need/want), but not for anything that would actually help me escape poverty and find stable housing and income.

Like, I recognize the privilege of being able to complain that my parents have offered me a bunch of money but in the wrong way.

But also if that money is on top of a flight of stairs that I can't climb (but my sisters can), then I haven't really been offered money, so much as I have watched money I need be placed somewhere I can't reach it. Which tbh feels worse than if it was never mentioned to me in the first place.

I was gonna send this art to them and i wrote this big long message to go with it, but then I decided to wait until my therapy session on Tuesday to talk it thru with her first, since I've literally never regretted doing that.

Besides, both of my parents are lawyers and right now they're providing me and my friends with a lot of free legal advice about this property we're trying to buy together, so I don't want to rock the boat currently.

I just wish I knew if I had access to that money as a poor person in need of stable housing and quality disability care, and I wish my parents weren't world-class hLepers who have a long and triggering history of engaging me in rigorous debate about the kind of help I should be allowed to receive from them as a disabled person.

Nothing like having to provide an argument that would hold up in court every time I'm sick and need help! Love that! Love that I can't even talk about money with them now without having invasive thoughts about it for days to come due to past incidences in which this repeated behavior of theirs literally endangered my life!!

Not like I need that mental capacity for working on the largest and most exciting opportunity of my life that also happens to line up with my hopes and dreams for the future!! It's fine!! What do I even need mental capacity for anyway?????

This wouldn't even be the first time this little Distrust Fund has caused problems for my relationship with my parents. They are very opposed to that money being used to help my disability and it has caused PROBLEMS for us that we have never quite recovered from.

It's just difficult to be reminded that although our relationship has gotten better (mostly thanks to me setting boundaries), that doesn't mean they now actually believe what I need for my disability when I tell them.

They really do love me, and they have only ever acted with the best of intentions . But good intentions cease to matter when the impact is harmful and repeated. And they have proven to be repeatedly incapable of providing non-ableist support for me again and again and again. They've even genuinely tried to learn; and sometimes it really seems like my mom has made progress with her therapist (who is disabled), but who knows when I can so jarringly be reminded of how quickly that toxic ableist thinking can show its ugly face.

It's so clear to me and they don't even know it's there.

It feels like I'm in a horror movie when I try to get them to understand their own ableism, and that is a good good sign that I may want to consider an approach that minimizes my mental damage instead. Even if it means I don't get their stupid, deeply-conditional-and-yet-the-conditions-are-SO-vague-and-they-won't-admit-it money.

[crowrelli]

i binged 13's seasons in prep for the release tomorrow. and um. um. why did no one say how freaking insufferable she is...

[seenthisepisode]

personal post time

[malkaviian]

i am having a great time here on life dot com

[cintipede]

why literally i make 3 million billion typos in everything.. Sorry to world at large

[honey-skulls]

Surprised that after a whole year of more than 15+ doctors appointments, now's the first time i leave crying

[ventingbit]

.

[nomairuins]

so funny civilization . im friends with 6/7 of the other leaders and the one guy im not friends with looks like this in the diplomacy panel

[justonefeather]

Ok y'all I'm posting this here because I have fucking nobody I can talk about this with easily but I need to know if I'm crazy or not like I feel like I'm not in my right mind for thinking these things but maybe I'm semi reasonable I don't know anymore

So I'm starting to really be down bad for a guy I play XIV with. And it's driving me up a wall. But I don't think he's uhh like reachable? Like I don't think it's work. But I'm not sure if he's very gently (or.. at a low level? Idk how to word that) flirting with me or not. I'm so bad at knowing these things. Anyway

So, background for those who don't play. Healers have a skill/button called Rescue. It targets one other player and brings their character to where the healer is. It's jokingly called the baby leash because it's used to bring people standing in bad to a safe place. There's also an meme about a Craigslist post of some guy looking for other guys to jack off with and there's like crystal necklaces, so any "tether" can be a "JO tether".

Now we fuck around in voice chat ok? Like the whole group, we have fun, we are silly. But like this uh. He fucked me up a bit tonight. He "rescued" me because we were chatting and I lost focus for just long enough to possibly get hit by something that would kill me. Someone else said, oh he (referring to me) was there but then wasn't what happened?

Him: "oh, I leashed him". Me, laughing but trying not to be obvious that it's my nervous laugh: "uhhhh maybe that wasn't the best wording it was a little sus". His reply: "oh, you didn't appreciate that? Would you rather I called it the JO tether?" Idk I can't type the way he said it but I feel like it was said in A Way. Maybe it's just me but idk y'all. It fucked me up.

Like BRO don't make me think about this while we're fucking raiding man. I died to a mechanic almost immediately after because brain empty except for the thought of him putting a fucking collar and leash on me and oh god oh fuck i need to not think about being so very fucking ok with that- oh wait I'm dead

Like I'd say we're close, out of the group I'm probably closer to him than I am to anyone else. We DM a bit, share memes, he helped me more than once with real life stuff. I enjoy talking to him a lot. I'm also the only one who knows his full name and his kid's name ;3

But. He lives halfway across the country, has a wife and child and stable job, and like. I'm me lol. We also don't know what each other look like. He does know that I'm poly and bi and trans and all the other various little things, and he's not weird about any of that. I also am pretty sure he's bi he didn't say the words but he *did* say smash on a few male/masc enemies when we played smash or pass in the group chat one night 👀

Anyway idk if I'm reading into it too much and I'm trying not to allow myself to have hope or think of him that way because like what if that's weird. Is it weird? Am I thinking too much? Obviously like if someone is in a monogamous relationship then I'm not gonna interfere with that, and I don't "know" that's the case but usually when people are married it is. There's also the other stuff.

I'm trying to arrange a small group meetup at a con, and I'm not sure if I'm worried or not about meeting him. Like part of me is worried I'm gonna see him and be like oh no he's hot and I'm going to have A Bigger Issue, also worried if it *were* mutual when we met, what then, like he's got a LIFE, my partner might be more ok with it but idk about his wife like..

Ugh idk I'm fucked up over this shit rn

[eddiestattoos]

My birthday is 2 months away and I'm already coming up with my excuse for how I'm going to book it off work that isnt simply "it's my birthday and I don't want to work"

[ayyponine]

not me wanting a relationship just so i can have a diff place to sleep every now n then