#but like. what am i supposed to do now. scroll my recommended page on fucking instagram reels???

[wolverinedoctorwho]

If we actually do lose Tiktok I won't be that upset about it, bc I really only recently got back into it so my friends and I could send eachother fun videos, but I am gonna miss my giant folders of bookmarked tiktoks that had writing references, gender envy, fun recipes, good self-care tutorials, etc... I've also been posting pictures from my walks to work on there and if the servers do indeed get deleted then those posts just. Disappear. I may repost them all somewhere but it'll be annoying.

The other thing is I posted a lot back when I was into Tiktok in college (when the pandemic hit) and I'll lose all of that. Again, not the end of the world, just kinda sucks.

The major thing I'll miss is seeing so many trans stories come across my fyp and coming to terms w my gender and like. Developing goals and whatnot? Like, the recipes and self-care and writing references I can find elsewhere, but where am I gonna randomly stumble upon something like the Emcee from the Ukranian production of Cabaret and go "holy shit, I want to be a guy like that"?

[gender-euphowrya]

there are things we know that have been said and demonstrated a thousand times and yet every time it feels like you're just learning this

[throatgoat4u]

hello, hello, hello, hello to all my lovely people out there. i wanna start of by saying happy valentines to every single one of you. whether you're single, in a relationship, or have just broken up, i hope you all enjoy this amazing day of love and share it with their loved ones.

today's not just about a romantic partner, but to people who you just love. tell your family how much you love and appreciate them for all they've done for you and if that's not an option, share your gratitude with your friends or people who have constantly been there for you and have made you feel loved.

do something kind for someone. give them a hug, write them a letter, compliment them, whatever. you don't have to make some big gesture or go all out, just let someone know you appreciate them.

but most importantly, make sure you love yourself. self love is just as, if not more, important than anything else. how are you supposed to put in your time and effort in loving someone else if you can't do that for yourself? so whether you want to go out and spoil yourself or stay in and take a nice bath and watch movies, make sure you're putting your love for yourself first.

but, loving yourself isn't just about spa days and self care (but like that shit's like amazing so like i definitely recommend a nice everything shower if you're not doing anything today.....) it's also about speaking to yourself kindly, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and acknowledging that you deserve just as much love as everyone else on this amazing day!

now, that being said, i'm gonna spread all my love to some of the most amazing people on this app! (this is where my formality ends, trust 🤞)

@onevison. i literally love you so much omg. you are one of the nicest people ever and you're actually so creative with your aus. i love talking to you and always enjoy when we chat. i love you!

@freshloveee. you're so so so good at writing and genuinely one of my favorite writers on this app. you're honestly so sweet and kind. i love you!

@chrepsi. you're genuinely one of the funniest people on this app, i cannot. i love your vibe and your music taste is just so ugh. you're so cool. i love you!

@muwapsturniolo. so you're literally amazing?!?! like you're so gorgeous and funny and such an amazing writer. idek how many times i've reread your shit but it's too many to count. anywho..... when's the next album coming out sza????? i love you!

@leoslaboratory. i just binge read your fics last night btw. you're fucking amazing and i love everything you do. dealer!chris is amazing and i absolutely love it. your fics for black history month are eating btw. i love you!

@phone4pills. so so so cool. you're theme is so cool, you're fics are so cool, you are so cool. i'm genuinely sooo happy anytime i've seen that you've posted a new fic or something and am always looking forward to when you write more. i love you!

@mattscoquette. you're just sooooo like awesome. i love everything you write and i love scrolling through watching you answer asks cause you're so funny. i'm still heartbroken over a change of heart (and the fact that you've ruined that song for me 💔). also like petition to bring back my man perv!matt. he doesn't get the love he deserve. anyways, when i was lurking here, i would always stalk your page and you were the first person i found on sturniolo tumblr. you were genuinely such an inspiration for me and one of the biggest reasons i started posting what i write. i love you!

@thenickgirl. you're my favorite nick girl out there. i love how you write for him and give him the attention he absolutely deserves. just cause he's gay doesn't mean we should leave him out guys 😞💔. you're such an amazing writer and you're so funny. i love you!

@t0riiiis. you're literally like so relatable and i feel like i can always talk to you without getting bored. you're there for me and you've shown your love for me countless times and i cannot even begin to say how much it means to me. i love you!

@oopsiedaisydeer. i'm sooo happy that we're like friends now because you're such a nice and cool person. you're an amazing writer and i love when i see updates on your ponyo au. you're so sweet and show me so much support on literally everything. i love you!

@bernardsbendystraws. dare i say that you're the mother of sturniolo tumblr?!?! you're genuinely such and amazing and funny person and make the tumblr fandom a much better place. i love how during that whole pedo scandal, you were there for absolutely every single person and were so helpful in the whole ordeal. you aren't scared of what anyone says about you and you're so confident, it's so admirable (this also goes for @muwapsturniolo, cause if i recall correctly she called her workplace or something like that which is honestly a boss ass move). your writing is also just amazing and never disappoints. you're like a breath of fresh air (that sounded better in my head but it's okay). i love you!

and i've saved the best for last, @snoopychris. idek what to say. like i'm being serious. i love you so much and you're my absolute favorite person on here. i love being able to talk to you everyday and ik you'll be there to listen without judgement. you're so funny (and a bit odd) and i love you for it. you're genuinely like a big sister to me in a way and i just feel like talking to you makes my day. whether it's about an au or just yapping (or saying some weird shit about chris) it always makes my day just so much better. i literally trust you soooo much even if we’ve only known each other for a short time. like when i say i trust you, i mean like i TRUST you. atp, i trust you enough to know what my face looks like, my actual name, and other personal info. like genuinely i feel so comfortable talking to you and you never fail to make me happy! you're such a fun person and so creative. also you're writing?!?! i literally love it. i love you 🧠!

obviously there are so many other people who i absolutely love, adore, and cherish with my whole heart, but these people stick out to me! anyways, i love you guys so much and am so thankful for everyone's constant support. i'm so happy with all the new friends i've made on this app and am looking forward to making many many many more! with lots of love...

toodles sluts :)

(i felt it was necessary to bring back sluts for this post...)

also the fact that i actually wrote that shit at the top from my heart impresses me….. like what?!?!

also one last note, if there’s some misspelled words or i’m just repeating myself like an idiot, please note that its still early and even tho i woke up over an hour ago, im still like half asleep

[joltai-showa]

Welp, Tumblr is back on the phone, and now my recommended page is absolutely fucked for no reason (but I still get funny posts about asoiaf so that's nice I guess)

still kinda recovering from the whole incident and what followed, but I don't intend to go into detail, I'd say a lot of it was on me and my reasonable expectations about other people that turned out to be way too high, I suppose. won't be making the same mistake again😘😘😘😘😘

anyway, on fanfiction news: finished the draft for chapter 10 of FQTP, it turned out to be like half of the events I actually planned for this chapter, but it already crossed 18k threshold, so I guess the major decision moment would have to come in the next one, Obito's too busy having a very important realization lol. This one is def coming on February 10, so stay tuned.

Instead of writing chapter 11 as I originally thought I would I actually got a bunch of ideas while lying in the bed for a week, too sick to do anything but scroll on my phone, so I guess I am doing an unrelated Obidei one-shot. I actually took time to reread Dealing with the Devil and holy fuck the me from the past had the sexiest and funniest brain, but this one is gonna be more... artitsy, I guess? Still sappy and fluffy as shit, but I gotta practice on my whole "Deidara ranting about art and stuff" thing, FQTP is entering its final stretch and following it we'll be back to Girldara's POV, I gotta train my writer muscles for the artist's ramblings💪💪💪🦾🦾🦾 (I have no clue about art and Deidara's canon rants put me to sleep, I just become a monkey with neurons activated that watches a blonde twink screaming and running)

regarding the personal stuff...

er, I got really lucky in Genshin this patch? I managed to get both Arle's and Clorinde's (get hers literally this morning lol) weapons and still have some savings for a guaranteed Furina, so that's real nice! Now I just need to fix my Arle's build because the crit rate stat on her scythe is way less than on Cyno's paddle (back to the Whimsy domain I guess. hooray. my own personal dungeon for almost a year. Hoyo let me out of here pls)

HSR was also pretty nice to me, so I got both Lingsha and Feixiao on this half of the patch and saved up like 70 pulls for Robin. this week finally finished up building my Ruan Mei (that I got during Firefly's first banner, yep, she's been collecting dust for a while at level 40 lol), now leveling Lingsha and gonna have a very pretty lady squad of Ruan Mei - Fugue Tingyun - Harmony Stelle - Lingsha. Yes, Harmony MC's traces are still ass, but my Fugue build is so fucking absurd it compensates for that (Phanty is gonna have her neck snapped next time my Fugue finds her lmao). I do not fear Erudition meta, Erudition Meta fears me.

Also finally made myself sit down and watch the Nier Automata anime and it's... absolutely fucking amazing??? what the actual hell???

honestly I can not thank Yoko Taro enough for this series, whenever I feel like shit I KNOW that if I open any piece of Nier series everyone is gonna have a worse time than me🙏🙏🙏🙏

But on a more serious note I once again got reminded of how much I love Nier. It's so cruelly beautiful and yet so gently ugly. It's insane. Absolutely hopeless world and still the characters choose to hope and suffer for it.

(I really need to finish my playthrough on my Switch lol)

I remember watching the announcements being made for the anime and being worried that it's A-1 pictures, so it's gonna look like ass, but honestly... yeah, I can see the limited budget, and remember that the production got terribly fucked over by Covid, but there's just so much love in it? The anime is a clear love letter to both fans and the series. It's not something that's aimed at someone trying to enter the series, but rather people who have played it for hundreds of hours and go fucking crazy from all of those tiny cute easter eggs left here and there. I LOVE how they tried to include as much content as possible into the anime, like 3847827384 minor characters from side-quests and adapting them into something of a cohesive narrative (I say something cuz it's Yoko Taro and honestly it's normal to not understand like 60% of the plot after reaching the canon ending lol). It's just very sweet and obviously everyone on the team worked really hard to bring this anime together.

(though I am curious about how they've adapted the [E]nd of YoRHa. the true ending can not be physically translated into another medium, it's something so uniquely video gamely(?) that I am wondering what did they do about it)

anyway random screenshots time because why not

they've changed the play bit into an actual scene, and for how goofy it is, it's still got some pretty raw lines

also props to anime for somehow making the Songtress fight even more unsettling than it was originally. like, A Beautiful Song still absolutely slaps, and the haunting scream bit at the beginning is still one of the most chilling things in the entire OST, but anime also got its own little creepy rendition of A Beautiful Song + the Songtress's story is a lot easier to understand with both 2B's and 9S's perspectives combined.

Well last but certainly not least is some words of wisdom from Yoko Taro lol

(and absolutely vital line of dialogue, truly the genius of our time)

[opticsel]

i saw the tags about mazeway and i've never ever read it i need to know what makes it so bad you've got me curious

okay fucking BUCKLE UP then, cause you’re in for a treat! since I legally cannot do anything by halves (adhd) get ready for an essay of a post methodically breaking down everything that sucks about this book so you never need to do yourself the disservice of experiencing it. if you happen to like this book and had a great, fulfilling time reading it, that's great! feel free to tell me all about how i'm wrong and why, because I did not :) spoilers ahead, all ye who enter here, although once again NOT A BOOK RECOMMENDATION !!!!

(i will say there are some actual recommendations at the end though. if anyone feels like scrolling for approximately seven years)

a little meet-the-author before we begin: jack williamson was born in Arizona in 1908. actually I say Arizona, but at the time Arizona wasn't a state yet- it was still a territory. his career as a science fiction writer started when he was 20, and he is (rightfully) considered one of the deans of sci-fi. along with writers like isaac asimov, williamson was among the writers who developed a lot of the new-wave concepts and tropes that are common today.

Mazeway was published in 1990, when our beloved author was 82. It is 262 pages long, and has 43 chapters. It was supposed to be the first in a series, and a second book was allegedly drafted, but from about this time to the end of his life Williamson flitted from project to project, which means several of his later books are also the first in a series which was never written. By then Mr Williamson was getting old and, according to my dad, "kind of losing his mind," which. With how this book ended I could definitely see that being true! And personally I am very glad this one ended up being a stand-alone.

Let me start by saying that this book is not all bad, it's just an overwhelming majority bad. Solid 83% bad. This actually makes it more frustrating, because those little nuggets of light in the darkness give me a glimpse into what the book could have been, and honestly it could have been pretty good. Actually I know you came here to hear about why this is NOT a book recommendation but I'm going to start with what I liked and get to the terrible steaming shit piles later.

First off, the concept for the overall main plot is pretty interesting. I couldn't engage with it as much as I would have liked (for Reasons), but the pitch my dad gave me when he recommended it to me made it sound like something I would like. In broad strokes, we follow a young human man named Benn who lives on a space station located somewhere far from earth. Despite the fact that humanity was rescued from earth after the skynet collapsed, the intergalactic alliance/organization taking care of them doesn't consider their species a part of the alliance, because they have never had a member of their species successfully complete the Game of Blade and Stone (henceforth referred to as the Game), so obviously they are incompetent and can't be allowed to make their own laws, have their own government, decide where to work/live, etc. Of course Benn decides that he is going to to go the planet Stone where the Game is held and compete so humanity can become a valued member of intergalactic society. And yeah by now in the year of our lord 2024 this is a story we've seen some version of a hundred times before, but 35 years ago it was a fairly novel concept, and tbh I am a simple bitch. It takes very little to get me intrigued.

Second, the magic/technology system. It was terrible, actually, and not a system at all, just kind of a collection of words that meant things and let people do stuff like fly through the vacuum of space. I still kinda liked it, though, and I feel like it had a lot of promise. It's technically not magic since it's biology-based and relies on made-up laws of made-up physics, and I love when creatures have special biological features that let them do magic-adjacent things, so even if I was annoyed by the way it was explained, I mostly enjoyed it. If you're a physics guy in any capacity it definitely feels like it was created by a guy who had no idea what he was talking about, but Williamson was solidly not a scientist, so I'm giving him a little grace here (for now, at least).

I also really really liked Williamson's aliens; very few of them were humanoid or even anthropomorphic, and one of the main species, the Hydrans, remind me of a fucked up Mr potato head in that they are a sort of lumpy blob that can just. create and move features across their bodies at will. Another was literally just a collection of particles working together like an amoeba. One of my favorites is Wing, who "was a thin triangular being with stubby tentacles jutting from her three corners. Her numerous eyes made a belt of bright black gems around a shining crown that bulged out of her slate-gray flatness." And Williamson clearly thought a lot about his aliens, because we get a lot of information about cultures and reproduction and relationships for a few species- mostly for the Hydrans, since they're a bit part of the story, but there's a few others we get a quick peek into throughout the book. Insert 'i just think they're neat' meme here and give me more freaky non-anthropomorphic aliens in media you cowards !!!

And... that's about it. That's all I liked about this book. General concept for the plot, some of the magic system, and the aliens. Calling that 13% of the book might be too generous but whatever, I'll give some extra points cause I really did love the aliens a lot.

Now, when I look for a book, I'm looking for a few key things. I need an engaging and coherent plot, well-rounded characters, and a satisfying conclusion. Honestly, I'll sacrifice plot for good characters, because if I can't connect with the people on the page, I don't care what they're doing. Sounds simple enough, but again, I am a simple bitch.

And yet, somehow, despite the apparent simplicity of my request- SOMEHOW this book managed to not tick a SINGLE ONE of my boxes. NOT ONE. In fact this book just decided it hated me specifically and needed to personally victimize me at every turn, because SOMEHOW it managed to do the OPPOSITE of those three simple things.

We'll start with characters, since that's my big thing. They were shit. They were bland and infuriating and had no consistency. Benn, who is supposed to be our knight in shining armor that we support at every turn, is literally the flattest fucking white bread ass male lead I've ever had the misfortune of encountering, to the point where I'm convinced has got to have been a self-insert. The other two protagonists- who I haven't even mentioned yet- were just as bad; one of them, named Don Diego Bolivar, was kind of (??) the villain, complete with some concerningly racist undertones, and the other, Roxanne Kwan, was the Sexy Woman With Knife that this era of sci-fi was obsessed with. Even though she's supposed to be cool and strong, she's about as useful as Benn is, and mostly spends the book being creeped on by Bolivar. She does not kill him even though she totally has the skills and would have been completely justified in it. None of them do much in the book other than react to whatever wacky circumstances they manage to find themselves in, and while it was annoying how little any of them knew about anything, it was infuriating how little motivation any of them had to actually learn the things they didn't know. To me, that's a sign that Williamson didn't bother figuring out most of the mechanics of this world, which is unfathomable to me as a writer whose favorite part of writing is worldbuilding.

Next let's touch on plot. Oh, you thought I liked the plot? WRONG. I liked the concept for the plot, and I was really hoping it would blossom into a beautiful story. Unfortunately, Jack Williamson apparently cannot write something comprehensible to save his life. Every single sentence was overwritten, forced to run on and on until all it could do was collapse from exhaustion and finally die. Core concepts were introduced in the last 10 pages of the fucking book, and multiple things happened for literally no reason. There were several plot threads that felt like they should be wrapped up and then just never were, which means I was just confused forever. Even if there had been more to the series, there were way too many things to smoothly bring them all into the second book. Character motivations were often dumb, convoluted, or just straight up never explained.

And Jesus fucking Christ, the pacing of the whole thing- or rather the lack thereof. The end of the book tried to make up for all the time wasted on flowery prose by whizzing through multiple plot points at a dizzying speed. We were constantly being thrown around through space and time- We're on this ship! No, we're on this planet! We're doing this thing, but actually it's time for a random unrelated flashback that will do nothing except confuse you, both now and later when some obscure half-remembered detail is brought up and you have to flip back to chapter 7 to figure out what the fuck is being talked about! Sometimes this would happen in the middle of a scene, which was always jarring. There was one instance early on where Roxanne finds her father's dead body, and instead of continuing this scene and preserving all the yummy built-up tension, we jump away to our favorite white boy Benn and get four pages establishing a b-plot that will never be resolved, and then go back to Roxanne at the exact same moment we just left off. Why did we leave?? To ruin the atmosphere and confuse your reader?? If so, great job! So much of this book was just me screaming What are you doing!! and then suffering some more.

Also, just as a quick aside- remember how the book is 262 pages and 43 chapters, which comes out to ~6 pages per chapter? Yeah. Since there wasn't enough happening already, every chapter the perspective changes between our protagonists, and most of the chapters don't even hit that magic page count; most land between 2 and 3. This could be fine, except that our dear author has apparently never heard of developing a character's voice, so all three of them sound exactly the same: flatter and drier than a stale Triscut, and with infuriatingly little knowledge about how the world around them works.

Back to the magic again, because I have more to say actually. Unlike a lot of other new-wave sci-fi writers, Williamson wasn't a scientist. That's why I gave him so much room with his shitty not-magic system, which I'm now going to explain to you just a little bit. He uses the phrase nanionic forces, which is the manipulation of sub-atomic particles called nanions, which are smaller than quarks. At the nanionic level, we reach a "horizon of reality" where nanionic particles flicker out of existence and back again, a trillion times in a trillionth of a Terran second. If that doesn't make sense, cool, it doesn't really matter, that explanation will never be brought up or expanded on again. But I really like the idea of a species that moves by interacting with a sort of "negative" matter so to speak, and I wish we had gotten a better explanation for how it works.

Like nanionic particles/forces, the skynet is also based on a real or theoretical scientific concept which is then heavily modified. This time, instead of something small, it's based on something big- a Dyson Sphere. Instead of surrounding a star, the skynet surrounded the Earth's outer atmosphere in a grid-like pattern. What did it do? Great question. People lived up there; in fact, most people seem to have lived up there, and the ones who didn't were all poor and stupid. There were elevators that connected it to the earth and let people move between the surface and the skynet. It maybe harvested energy from the earth like a Dyson sphere would do to a star, but it's not... really clear. And it will never get clearer, because when the skynet fell to earth, most people died, and the ones who didn't just don't ever talk about it. There doesn't seem to be a reason for that; I really think Williamson just didn't want to go to the effort of actually expanding this incredibly important aspect of his book whose destruction is directly responsible for everything that is happening rn. Interesting choice imo but only one of us is a best-selling author, so okay. Whatever.

But these examples showcase a pitfall of Williamson's: for some reason, he didn't do his research, whether because he didn't care or he didn't realize he needed to. Like, at the time, research was difficult. The internet didn't exist. You couldn't just pull up the wikipedia page on quarks or the Dyson Sphere. But it would have been so easy for Williamson, because all he needed to do was ask his friends who did know about these things. All the big-name new-wave sci-fi authors were friends, and they all worked closely together, and a lot of them were scientists, and all he would have had to do would be send a letter or, shit, pick up the phone, and he would have all the answers he needed. So he had the resources, he just chose not to use them, and his work suffered for it. And I fucking suffered for it reading his work.

Now, about that ending. Oho, the ending.

At the end of the book, Benn, Roxanne, and Bolivar find themselves in front of the judges of the Game (yeah they all end up competing don't worry about it). Benn has forfeit in order to be rescued after Bolivar threw him into a river, but he is still presented to the judges with the rest of the contestants in the ceremony where they learn whether or not they have successfully passed the trials of the Game. None of the three humans passed, and all three of them are ordered to immediately return to their home planets. Bolivar (who I did not understand was the villain until I read this section for the third goddamn time) does some stuff that essentially boils down to appointing himself as the ruler of Earth/the Sun Corporation, proclaiming that the other contestants who didn't pass are now considered citizens of the Sun, and threatening the judges and the entire alliance with his uber-powerful robot/EMP, in that order. In order to stop him, the judges arrest a bunch of people, and then. And then.

And then Benn looks into the robot's eyes and becomes the universe.

No, really. In chapter 43 of this godawful fucking book, Benn hears the voice of a great malicious entity called Conqueror in his mind, and then he falls into the darkness before time and space and experiences the birth of the universe as Conqueror itself. He, as Conqueror, watches stars and planets form, and chooses to be kind instead of evil, and coaxes different species to meet each other between the stars. He watches the skynet fall, and mourns for all the creatures that died during its destruction. And that sounds beautiful, right?

...Right?

I wish I could tell you the end of this book was beautiful and profound. I wish I could tell you it made up for all the overwritten bullshit I had to slog through. I wish I could tell you it made everything worth it. It did not. Instead, after 257 terrible, grueling, exhausting pages, this ending felt more like the book spitting in my face and telling me to take my hopes and dreams up the ass, because somehow this is what saves the day: Benn Dain making eye contact with the evil (???) robot. On accident.

How? Great question. Saves from what? Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy. Actually, I have many questions, all of them unanswered. What is Conqueror? Is it the universe? How did Benn become it? Why? Is that the robot's scary magic power- it gives you a trip so good you become a great cosmic mass and experience all of time? And what narrative purpose does this serve (outside of magically defeating a villain we have barely established)? Because as far as I'm aware (and I should be fucking aware at this point, having just read the entire book), at no point during Benn's journey was one of his objectives "learn what happened to the skynet". Also, again, how the fuck did that defeat the robot and/or Conqueror???

If someone put a gun to my head and told me to think of a conclusion to this story that makes less sense, I would not be able to. I wish I could, because at least the fact that it could have been even worse would be a silver lining to this shitshow of a book, but alas.

I'm sure at this point you're asking yourself, Finn, why did you even bother making it this far? Why didn't you DNF it the moment Roxanne's common sense shriveled up and died? Well, I would have loved to do that, but unfortunately I read this book for an essay worth 40% of my term grade, and we had already submitted our reading lists, and we were required to submit a reading log for every book on there. I was locked into reading this book whether I liked it or not. And good for you, isn't it? Because now we can all sit here together and have a grand old time listening to me complain by request on the internet. Joy.

OKAY I just woke up and I have a fever of 102 and I feel like absolute shit. let's finish this fucking POST so I can be FREEEE

That's the end of the book, but we still have shit to talk about; namely, racism and misogyny. This book treats POC and women like total shit the entire time, and that's honestly why I'm so adamant that this isn't a recommendation. Problems with characterization and plot and worldbuilding- those are all subjective. I'm sure somewhere out there is someone who would love this story and all of the things I consider flaws. But I cannot in good conscience tell people to read it with the way these topics are handled. I'm not going to try to get too far into it because it's been a couple years since I actually sat down and read the book, but I did skim it in order to write this, so here are the obvious things that jumped out at me. My brain is mush rn so I'm probably gonna miss stuff but you'll get the gist hopefully

Bolivar's mother is specifically stated to be from Ecuador, and the town she's from is described as a "squalid barrio." She fakes an ID so she can work as a prostitute somewhere in the skynet, and that's where she meets- and promptly has an affair with- Bolivar's father, who is a wealthy businessman. She dies when the skynet falls, because she's working in a nightclub at the time. Bolivar himself is prone to bouts of violence and rage, has no loyalty to anyone but himself, and is a power-hungry egomaniac. He's also a creep to Roxanne on several occasions, flirting with her incessantly even after she has told him multiple times to stop, and even tries to coerce her into sleeping with him when they are forced to share a hotel room. The other Latino character is treated no better; he's a fairly minor character, but upon meeting him Roxanne immediately has a Bad Feeling and doesn't trust him. She turns out to be justified in this when he kills her father and his best friend and leaves her in the desert to die. He and Bolivar are similar in many ways: they are both violent and serve only themselves. The only obvious difference is that Julio speaks Spanish constantly, in that jarring way that monolingual people write bilingual characters, where random ass words and phrases are sprinkled in with little care to whether or not it makes sense. I don't feel like I have to explain to you why these things are problematic, and frankly I don't think I would do a very good job if I tried rn, but, like. Oh my god.

Now, let's talk about the ladies. Benn's mother shows up for like two scenes, talks about how cool her husband is, talks about how cool her son is, and then is never mentioned again. She barely exists. There's nothing to say about her except point out how little there is to say. She's one of two women in the entire book, the other being Roxanne. Roxanne has her own problems, mainly inconsistent characterization and very little narrative purpose. She has two reasons to exist: one, to be the heir of the Sun Corps, since she's a Kwan, and they were like the ultra-rich bastards who owned the skynet or something, and two, to save Benn's life when Bolivar throws him off a cliff into the river. That is- and I am not exaggerating here- the one and only thing she actually does in the entire book. She has none of her own motivations and just ends up following Benn or Bolivar around, thinking vaguely about how hot they are, and being otherwise useless. Her skills also disappear when it's convenient; for example, she gets bad vibes about Julio, implying that she's good at reading people, but then when she meets Bolivar she doesn't get any bad vibes from him at all. She's a fantastic hunter, good enough that she earned the nickname Cheetah when she was young, but she still isn't able to kill Bolivar when it counts. Again, many problems. my whole body hurts and I'm mad and I want to be done and you're smart. Misogyny bad send tumble

That's finally it!! I'm finally done ranting!!! I'm gonna go take a goddamn nap!!!!!! Fuck this book to hell and I hope this sated your curiosity. don't read this, read, like, Set My Heart to Five (Simon Stephenson), which I read right after and is still one of the best, most moving things I've ever read, or, if you're interested in something new-wave, Decision at Doona (Anne McCaffrey) or Caves of Steel (Isaac Asimov) are both really great choices. If you're not super into sci-fi, Tamora Pierce is a really good fantasy author whose mcs are all well-written badass ladies, and Redwall (Brian Jaques) is a fun adventure with little animals. Just basically what I'm saying is please do not read this book. bye

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Beginnings (1/9)

Mammon x ace gn!MC x ace!Leviathan

Words - 12,000ish (total)

Content warnings - angst, some internalized acephobia, insecurity, polyamory, asexual relationship, lots of cuddles and fluff and comfort

NOTE - Mammon and MC have a 100% consensual sexual relationship. No details beyond that are given.

Prompt/inspiration - a new take on my existing headcanons and previous stories

Summary - One day you suggest a polyamorous relationship with Levi to Mammon, and he loses his cool. Will Mammon be able to make things right? And will Levi ever get a chance to tell you how he feels?

[ AO3 | Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

You and Mammon were practically inseparable.

From your first day in the Devildom it seemed, the two of you were always together. Of course, those first few weeks weren’t exactly while you were on the best of terms with each other. But soon your choice to spend time together came from a genuine interest in one another. And after awhile, you both had even fallen in love.

You just fit so well together. You shared a similar sense of humor, you enjoyed the same sorts of movies, you both even had a mutual love of spicy food. Physically, you felt the two of you were quite compatible as well. You loved how good he was at taking care of you, and nothing made him happier than having you shower him in affection and praise. And sure, his sex drive was definitely higher than yours, but you both were figuring things out and making it work.

Mammon wasn’t the only brother you were getting close to, however. While you enjoyed cooking with Beel and swapping book recommendations with Satan, your time with Levi in particular was special to you. He always had a way of helping you relax, and his desire to stay in the comfort of his room gave you an excellent place to unwind and decompress. Despite the fact he could barely contain himself when speaking about one of his special interests, he typically kept to himself when immersed in whatever activity had caught his attention in that moment, which made him excellent company when you needed peace and quiet.

For the longest time, you thought friendship was all you wanted from Leviathan. And Levi made it pretty clear on numerous occasions that he considered you his best friend and nothing more. Well, at least that’s what he said. In the past few weeks you had caught him staring at you more than once in a way that was reminiscent of the love struck look Mammon often got when he didn’t think you were looking either.

You had heard from Asmodeus pretty early on in your stay that monogamy wasn’t the usual practice for demons. He had made sure you were well acquainted with certain aspects of demon relationships, partly to gauge your interest, and partly to stop you from inadvertently making a move on a random demon at RAD. You and Mammon had never talked specifically about the idea of an open or polyamorous relationship, and you got the dinstinct impression that he would have trouble sharing, but the more you thought about Levi, the more you wanted to see if you could make it work with both of them.

One evening after dinner, you were relaxing in Mammon’s room, doing nothing in particular. He was reading some magazine about Devildom fashions (and where to buy them), and you were reclined with your head in his lap as you scrolled through Devilgram.

“Got somethin’ you wanna say?” Mammon finally asked with a light blush on his cheeks. Apparently you had been staring at him for the past few minutes and it was making him a bit self conscious.

“Wha? Oh, sorry,” you replied, giving him a soft smile before you nuzzled against his leg. You looked up at him again, only to find that he was now attempting to hide his face behind the pages of his magazine, hoping you wouldn’t catch sight of the smile that was tugging at his lips.

“Hey, Mammon. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure,” he was glad to have something to talk about that he could distract himself with.

“What do you think of polyamory?” you asked, raising one of your hands to comb through what you could reach of his hair. You just loved how soft it was, and it had quickly become a habit whenever you two were talking that you would run your fingers through it as you were doing now.

“Eh? I dunno. Why?” Mammon sat his magazine down to give you his full attention. This was definitely an odd conversation topic, if there ever was one. He thought maybe Satan had given you some weird book recently, because it never would have occurred to him what you were about to ask.

“Well...I was wondering if you’d be open to trying something like that…?”

“Pfft, like you’d need anyone else with the Great Mammon to keep ya company!” he teased with a cocky grin. It was simple - there was no reason for you to be close to anyone else like that, because he was so good at making you happy...right?

“Oh,” you tried to shrug it off and turn your attention back to your DDD. This wasn’t how you had hoped this conversation would go, though you weren’t sure exactly how you had hoped it would go either.

But Mammon noticed the look on your face, and a small seed of doubt had started to take root in his heart. Just a tiny twinge of pain. The thought of you being any less than satisfied with him was one he spent a considerable amount of effort avoiding, but now it was creeping up on him.

“Why? Didya have someone in mind?”

He had only meant it as a joke, really. He wasn’t expecting you to answer. Or rather, he was hoping you wouldn’t. And when you didn’t respond immediately the sinking feeling in his gut only grew.

You looked up at Mammon and could see the strain in his smile. He was trying hard to look unaffected, but it was obvious to you that he wasn’t too keen on this idea. So you sat up, tucking one leg under yourself as you turned to face him on the sofa. You were having second thoughts now about bringing this up, but you knew that if you tried to back out of the conversation now, Mammon would surely only get more anxious and panicked.

“Well, I was thinking about Levi…” you answered, cautiously, carefully studying Mammon’s face as you tried to gauge his reaction. You knew he never would have entertained the idea if you had said Lucifer, but a small part of you hoped since he and Levi were pretty close, he’d be more receptive to the possibilities.

You would, of course, be wrong.

In fact, you saw the exact moment Mammon’s heart broke and his emotions shifted from insecurity, to hurt, to anger. You went to open your mouth, to try to explain, but he did not give you the opportunity.

“Him? Why wouldya wanna go out with that weeb?” he asked, his voice dripping with disdain.

“Hey! If you don’t like the idea just say so! You don’t have to attack Levi!” you stared at Mammon, shocked at his reaction. Hurt and tears wouldn’t have surprised you, but this anger was something else and you weren’t sure where it was coming from.

“Oh so ya gonna defend him?”

“Of course I’m going to defend him. He’s my best friend,” you snapped back, your eyes narrowing.

“And what am I then? Huh?”

“Mammon, that’s…”

“What, ya got one Avatar so you thought it would be easy to snag another? Who ya gonna go after next? Lucifer?!”

SLAP

“Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare.” by now, angry tears had started to gather in your eyes, and you could feel your hands shaking, your palm still stinging from the contact, “If you don’t like the idea, fine. But don’t you dare belittle my feelings for you or your brother.”

You glared at Mammon for another moment before swiftly pushing yourself off the sofa and heading towards his door. When your hand touched the door knob you paused, giving Mammon an opportunity to take back what he said, but all that was to be heard was a deafening silence.

Without another word, you left, slamming the door behind you.

——————

In the days that followed, you made a point to avoid both Mammon and Levi. Even though Levi wasn’t at fault, you knew spending time with him right now would only muddy the waters further, and that was the last thing you needed. So, if you saw one of them coming, you were quick to adjust your course and head the opposite direction.

And you knew avoiding them both wasn’t exactly the mature thing to do. But you didn’t know what else to do either.

Was this it? Were you just supposed to break up with Mammon?

The memory of what he had said to you still made your heart ache whenever you thought of it, even if you knew he had been speaking from a place of hurt. You wanted to believe he didn’t really see you that way; that he knew how much you loved him, even if he didn’t know anything else, because you didn’t think you’d be able to stay with someone who thought so little of you.

So what was the alternative? Trying to talk to him again?

The thought was enough to make you laugh. You were certain that would go over like a lead balloon. It’s not like anything would have changed since the last time you had spoken to him. You still felt how you felt, and he was opposed. Which would have been fine had he been respectful about rejecting the idea. But he hadn’t, and instead lashed out at you in his typical tsundere fashion, just dialed up to 10.

You let out a sigh as you flopped on your bed, finally back in the safety of your room after an exhausting day at RAD.

Just what were you going to do?

[jalapeno-princess]

Clandestine Meetings and Stolen Stares

Physics Professor Mark Tuan X Reader

Word Count: 9.9K (Damn it felt longer haha)

Genre: Angst, smut

Warnings: Rated 18+, unprotected sex, breast play, (nothing too explicit), cheating

Summary: It was your junior year in college and you couldn’t wait for it to be over with. You wanted nothing more than to graduate and get out of the hell hole that is college. All you really cared about was your education, your job, your friends and your family. However, that all changes the minute your eyes land on your indescribably handsome physics professor and what you thought was just a unreciprocated crush on the older man, turned in to more; so much more. (Sorry guys I don’t want to go too deep in the summary and give away the entire story so I’ll keep it at that)

A/N: Hey guys! Look at me claiming I won’t have time to write stories and throwing another one out there like nothing. This is apart of the song requests imagines and I do have quite a few of them so I will try get them out as soon as possible (I don’t want them to be too short or rushed so please be patient me and thank you again for your requests!) This was requested by one of my favorite followers @yup-indecisive-girl-cece​ thank you for all your love and support with my page and my stories! I hope you enjoy! (I wrote this in a few hours so there might be a few errors but eh whatever hahaha) Based on the song “Ilicit Affairs”. Honestly the album is a bop and I listened to it while writing this I actually plan on writing a few stories in the future about some of the songs off the album once I finish the requests. Happy reading!

“Y/n—earth to y/n. Hey! Is everything okay?” 

If you could describe the current state of your mind, a mess wasn’t even half of what was going on up there. There were many different thoughts going on in your head; unfortunately they were all negative. You wouldn’t have even known you were tearing up if your best friend Yugyeom didn’t wave his hand in front of your face to break you out of your trance. 

“Huh? Oh—yeah. I’m fine. It’s just—I’m just tired I guess. Finals are coming up and I’ve been pulling all-nighters almost every night so I’m pretty exhausted. But don’t worry about me. I’m okay.” 

As much as you hated lying to the older boy, especially because he told you about every single thing that went on in his life, there was no way you could tell him the real reason why you were so distracted; why you were on the verge of breaking down in tears. He would never understand nor did you think he would want to continue your friendship if he were to know exactly what was clouding your thoughts. 

Thankfully he didn’t continue to press for more questions and turned his focus back to the chocolate shake you purchased for him half an hour ago. If you were going to tell anyone what was causing you so much distress, you’d be in so much trouble and so would he. Feeling your phone vibrate against your lap made your breathe hitch because you knew exactly who it was. 

The only two people who have been reaching out to you these days other than your parents to see how college overseas was going, was the outspoken yet gentle and child-like boy sitting in front of you and your physics professor Mark Tuan. He was the reason why you’ve been so uptight; so tense these last few days and unlike most of your classmates, you weren’t even nervous about any of your finals because most of your worries were caused by him. 

When you signed up for Physics 345 with Professor Mark Tuan, you didn’t think anything of it. Since it was your junior year in college, all you were focused on was passing junior year with flying colors and concentrating on your last two semesters in college, working on your senior thesis and graduating on time. What you weren’t expecting, was getting in to an affair with said professor that would go on for longer than expected. 

Everything going on in your life up until the point of meeting Mark for the first time was going pretty well. You and your friends were enjoying what was left of being college students; going clubbing on the weekends, having some drinks at the bar when school was getting rough, attending parties thrown by some of the most popular students in school and just hanging out at each other’s places when you all had free time. 

You had a part time job at the library which you were extremely grateful for; you hardly had to do anything, it was always pretty quiet and you got to work on your assignments most of the time so it was a win-win situation. Although you missed your family every now and then, you had quite a bit on your plate to really feel homesick. Little did you know, that word would have a different meaning to it a few months later. Walking in to the auditorium, you weren’t surprised to see that you didn’t know anybody in your class. 

Your campus was huge and from what you knew, none of your friends had any plans on failing a class so they all laughed in your face when you recommended it to them. If only you took Youngjae’s advice and signed up for Religion 315 like he did, you wouldn’t be in the mess you were in right now. But then again, you wouldn’t have met the man who changed your outlook on both life and love completely. You wouldn’t have met the man who now owned your stupid, stupid heart. 

Since you were notorious for making it to class earlier than most students in order to get a good seat, you decided to play a few games on your phone before scrolling through social media. After getting bored on twitter, you pulled out one of your notebooks and started to prepare your notes when you heard heels clicking against the tiled floor. 

You were never a believer in love at first sight. It was so cliche. How could someone be in love with someone just by looking at them and not knowing anything about them? There was no way and yet, when you took a look at your new science professor, you could physically feel your soul leaving your body. He was handsome, there was no doubt about it. In fact, that was an understatement. 

He was gorgeous. You didn’t think young science professors existed let alone one that looked like he came straight out of vogue magazine. All your science teachers from high school had white hair, glasses and wore suspenders. This guy was wearing a red flannel over a plain black v-neck, torn skinny jeans and vans. There was no way he was your professor; but as soon as he placed his briefcase down on the desk and looked around the classroom with a stupidly handsome grin on his face, you knew you were fucked. 

“Hello class, I’m Mark Tuan your physics professor. Please call me Mark. I’m fine with professor, but no Mr.Tuan. It makes me feel old. A little bit about me, this is my second year teaching physics. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in physics, went on and got my master’s in teaching and graduated with my doctorate two years ago now here I am. I’m one of those weirdos who love science, I love learning more and more about science each and every day. I’m thirty-one years old, I’ve been married for three amazing years and I have a one-year-old daughter named Ella. We also have a dog named Milo. In my free time, I like to play video games and watch the office. Well, that’s it about me. There’s about forty-five of you in here, so it would probably take the entire class if you guys were to introduce yourselves individually so instead I’ll have you get in to groups and you guys can just  talk amongst your peers.”

It was as if everything he said went through one ear and out the other. All you could pay attention to was his pretty pink lips and how soft they looked. You could also feel your heart flutter at the way he smiled when talking about his passion for science. However, hearing that he had a wife and a daughter brought a weird feeling to your chest but what did it matter? He was your science professor and this was only the first day you met him. You told yourself it was just his good looks that you were attracted to, but deep down you knew there was something else that got you thinking about him a little more than you should. 

As your classmates went around in a circle talking about what major they were studying, why they signed up for physics and what they want to learn in the class, your eyes began to wander around the room in search of your professor and you hated that you didn’t know why. You’ve seen and even been with a decent amount of good looking guys. Your ex-boyfriend was actually considered to be one of the best looking guys in your university, so you had a hard time understanding why you couldn’t take your eyes off of Mark. As soon as you found him, you felt as if your heart was about to jump from out of your chest when you realized he was already looking at you. 

You were sure if you were to look in a mirror, your face would be red from embarrassment. Was he watching you this entire time? Did he know you were practically ogling at him this entire time when you were supposed to be paying attention to your classmates? To both your delight and dismay, he sent you a flirtatious wink before making his way to your group. You felt like you were about to be sick. Feeling him stand behind you while placing his hands on the chair sent chills down your spine. 

Why was he so close? And why did you want him closer? When he was talking to other groups, he stood a few inches away from them but right now he was in your personal space and you couldn’t help the thought of wanting him even closer. 

“How are we doing here?” Your classmates hummed in content before they started going around and telling him their answers. “Okay, what about you? What’s your name, major, why you took this class and what you want to learn in this class.” 

He pulled his hands away from your chair and walked towards the other side of the room to give you eye contact and offer you his full attention. You didn’t know what was worse; him standing directly behind you giving off his intimidating aura, or him looking at you while you were for sure about to make a fool out of yourself. To prevent yourself from looking like an idiot even more than you probably already did, you brought your attention to your notebook and pretended as if you were reading off from your notes. 

“My name is y/n, I’m an English and communications double major with a minor in Spanish language. I—uh—I’m—shit I’m sorry what were the rest of the questions again?” 

He looked at you in curiosity before letting out a soft giggle. This man was thirty-one years old, how was he capable of such an adorable, high pitched laugh? And how could you butcher that entire thing? You only needed to answer three questions with two of them relating to one another. You were sure you made your attraction even more obvious if he couldn’t already tell by the way you were practically drooling over him. 

“What made you sign up for this class and what do you want to learn?” 

You softly bit your lip out of frustration and took in a deep breath before responding. Once class was over, you were going straight to the bar and getting drunk. This was only day one, you had five months with Mark as your professor and you fucked it up in less than half an hour. He was probably going to go home and laugh at your little breakdown. 

Although you had a feeling you weren’t the first to get flustered over him. If he’s been teaching for over two years, he had to have a few students that developed a crush on him. Surely you weren’t the only one. But that’s what it was and all it ever was going to be, a silly little crush. It was normal; Mark was handsome, he seemed very intelligent, very passionate about his field and was very energetic. He also seemed very child like and with the way he laughed at something you didn’t think was funny, you knew he was still a child at heart. 

“I enjoy science, I think it’s one of those intimidating subjects that people are afraid to take because they’re afraid of failing. I will admit I’m not the best in science and I’m sure I’ll probably be shit at physics, but I love learning and I’ll do my best in this class. Or at least try to. I want to learn more about motion, movement and the relative entities of energy and force.” 

The soft smile he gave you went straight to your chest; there was no way you’d be able to survive the rest of the semester if he were to continue looking at you like that. His wife was one lucky woman. What world war did she fight in her past life to land him as a husband? 

“I like that answer y/n. I look forward to working with you this semester. I’m sure you’ll learn a lot about force and energy in this class and if you don’t end up doing too well, I listed my office hours on the syllabus. Feel free to stop by if and when you need help—and I mean this to all of you. Don’t be shy to ask me for help, I would rather spend a few grueling hours teaching you about Newton’s law than to have you fail my class entirely. Okay, for the remainder of class, I’ll be going over the syllabus and luckily the school provides the required textbook so you can all save an extra $200. I expect you all to use that wisely.” 

There was a feeling in your gut telling you he meant more than what he was saying about his office hours, but then again you felt stupid for even thinking that. He was married for three years and he had a daughter. He was also ten years your senior and you didn’t think you were all that special for someone like Mark to look at you in that way. 

He was your science professor and that’s all he was ever going to be to you. You knew exactly what you were going to do with that extra $200 once you were finished with school. Once class was over, you hastily packed away your things before making a beeline towards the door. Right as you were about to walk out, you heard Mark softly whisper your name. 

“Have a nice rest of your day y/n, see you Thursday!” 

Yeah, you were definitely getting plastered tonight. You didn’t even get to take five steps out of the classroom when you felt an arm roughly thrown around your shoulder. 

“There‘s my favorite science nerd. How was the first day of hell huh? Only two semesters left.” You let out a hysterical chuckle; as much as you hated school and couldn’t wait to graduate, you weren’t quite ready to enter the real world just yet. However, feeling the effect that Mark had on you knowing that it was only the first day toyed with your mind a little bit. You kept telling yourself over and over that he was just being nice, but you didn’t hear him saying anything else to any of the other students. 

Was he just picking on you specifically because of your little breakdown in his class? Your chances of passing physics with a grade higher than a C were already  pretty slim, what more now that you had a Greek God as your professor? You were doomed. The first couple of weeks went by better than you had expected. Sure, there was some material that you had a hard time learning but you refused to schedule office hours with Mark. Being in a class with him surrounded by thirty other students was already extremely overwhelming, you didn’t even want to know what were to happen if you were alone with him. You’d probably have to drop off the face of the earth from embarrassing yourself tremendously. 

A month later, you found yourself between a rock and a hard place. Physics only became more and more tough as the days went by and you cursed Mark for giving you so many difficult assignments. It’s as if he was taunting you. You did what you could first before you even thought about signing up to meet with him. Going to see Mark during his office hours was your last resort. First you reached out to a couple of your classmates; asking for them to explain the material to you but nothing worked. 

They were all very kind in trying to help you, but you still couldn’t memorize nor understand the seven branches of physics. Then you went along with BamBam’s suggestion to go get tutored but just like your classmates, the tutor couldn’t even help you which is why you found yourself emailing Mark to schedule an appointment with him. His response made your eyes roll, but it also sent warmth to your heart and you hated yourself for not being able to learn it on your own from the few sources you had around you. On one of your days off, you made your way up to Mark’s office and gently knocked on the door; patiently waiting until he welcomed you in. 

“Come inside.” 

You hesitantly walked in and sat down on one of the chairs he had facing adjacent toward his desk. You began to look around the room and smiled to yourself at how much his office matched him as a person. It was simple, yet the few trinkets and bobble heads he had on the shelf made the room a little more lively. 

“Took you a while to meet with me. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your grades for a while now, so I’m glad you actually came in for help. Your test scores aren’t looking too good y/n.” 

You released a long sigh; disappointed with the news but not surprised. Why did you think you were capable of such a complicated subject? Even some of the smartest students on your campus had a hard time with physics and you wouldn’t consider yourself dumb, but then again you weren’t the brightest bulb in the bunch. 

“I know. I’m sorry, I should’ve came earlier. I just—I didn’t want to bother you. I tried asking for help from tutors and other students in the class but nothing worked, so here I am.” 

He gazed at you with an unidentifiable look on his face and it made you nervous. You didn’t know exactly what it could have meant and the curiosity was eating away at you. 

“You know y/n, I commend you on taking this class. I know you took it as an elective and I’m sorry it’s probably not what you expected it to be. I’ve been told I can go a little hard on students sometimes, but I’ve been trying to make the work a little more easier than it was last semester. I couldn’t help but take notice though, you do amazing when it comes to the homework. You ace the lessons like nothing, it’s just the quizzes and the exams you’re not doing too great with and it’s probably because you take it in class, with me in the room.” 

Your eyes widened at his last few words but he gave you no time to ask what was on your tongue as he got up from his chair and sat directly in front of you on his table. 

“Am I a distraction y/n? Don’t think I haven’t observed the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking. It’s actually cute by the way—sexier when you bite your lip though. I guess this is the time to admit that I do the exact same thing, although I’m more discreet about it than you are. I love knowing the effect I have on you; if only you knew the effect you have on me princess.” 

Were you dreaming? You had to be, there was no way this was actually going on right now. There was no way Mark confronted you about drooling over him in class only to tell you that he’s been doing the exact same thing. What was going on? Was he messing with you? He had to be. Mark Tuan couldn’t have feelings for you—he had a family. And you—you were just a junior in college. His student to be exact; he had to be pulling your leg. 

Yet the way he was looking at you, so seductively with a charismatic glint in his eye sent warmth to your core. The way he was looking at you as if he was a lion and you were his prey, ready to pounce on you did wonders to your body. You couldn’t describe the way Mark made you feel. The way he made you want to do better, the way you wanted to impress him and be someone he admired. The way you wanted to be the reason behind his contagious laughter and breathtaking smile. 

There weren’t enough words to describe what Mark made you feel and when you felt his fingers grip your chin and tilt it upwards so that the two of you made eye contact, you were putty in his hands. As wrong is this all was, you couldn’t find it in yourself to stop. 

“What are you doing to me y/n? I have a family whom I love dearly, but I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve been on my mind every single day since the first day of school. I don’t know what is about you—well it’s obvious that you’re beautiful. Extremely beautiful y/n. But I’ve seen hundreds of beautiful women in my thirty-one years of living and I’ve never batted an eye at any of them. You were so flustered, so adorably clumsy on the first day but it was the eagerness, the enthusiasm you had in wanting to learn even if you may not be the best in science. You remind me a lot like myself when I was your age. You’re one of the most hard working and extremely intelligent students that I know. I—fuck. I’m aware that a few of my students have crushes on me in the last two years and I found it cute but that was it. They didn’t make me question the love I have for my wife and the status of my marriage the way you do. I really shouldn’t be saying things like this before knowing how you feel but I can’t help it. I like you y/n. I really like you and I know it’s wrong for so many reasons and please don’t feel like you have to reciprocate these feelings, please just don’t say anything.” 

Your mouth was dry and didn’t know how to respond to his entire confession. It was still taking you a while to process the entire thing. Not once in your life would you have ever pictured yourself in a situation like this. No, things like this only happened in movies. To both of your surprises, you found yourself smashing your mouth against his, silencing any doubts that he had about your feelings for him. His lips were soft and gentle against yours, but the grip he now had on your hips was rough and intoxicating. It was hard to believe that for the last month, you’ve been dreaming about how his pretty lips would feel against yours not knowing that here you would be a year later, lying flat on your back on top of his desk while he left multiple kisses along your neck and chest. 

“I—like you too—a lot—and if this is wrong—well fuck Mark I don’t want to be right.” 

It was true; you knew having an affair with your professor was taboo and you knew what you were doing was terribly wrong, but you were just going to have to deal with the consequences later. Now, you were going to show the beautiful man in front of you just how crazy he’s been driving you over the last month. He smiled against the inside of your thigh and made his way up to your soaking entrance, blowing some hot air against your core before flicking at your clit with his tongue. 

“Well, I’ll be your dirty little secret and you’ll be mine. Oh and by the way y/n, consider this a one on one lesson about energy, force, movement and motion. I’m going to drain you of all your energy, force my cock in to this pretty little pussy of yours, have you bounce on my dick like the professional cowgirl I’m sure you are and then I’ll bury myself balls deep inside of you while hitting it from the back. How does that sound?” 

The wanton moan that fell from your lips at the sound of his naughty words made the coil that was already building in your stomach tighten. The two of you spent the rest of the day exploring and learning each other’s bodies. You didn’t think that it was possible to explore the many different positions that the two of you dabbled in while being in such an enclosed space but you weren’t complaining. You knew that you wouldn’t be able to come in here again without reminiscing on the way Mark had your breasts pressed up against the window while he roughly drilled himself in to you doggy style.

Once the two of you both came down from your highs, he took a couple of tissues from his desk and wiped you down. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before he went searching for your clothes that he greedily ripped off of you and flew across the room in a haste to finally get inside of you. His breathless moans and grunts, murmured curses, kinky and naughty words and the multiple compliments that fell from his lips while you were loving up on each other were now etched in to the back of your mind. As you watched him pull up his jeans, you felt a pang of hurt hit your chest. 

What have you done? You just slept with your professor; a married man, it didn’t matter if he had feelings for you and that you reciprocated them, you shouldn’t have let your selfish desires and carnal urges take over. For all you knew, his poor wife who had no clue what just happened with you and her husband was sitting at home waiting for him to finish work, probably playing with their daughter and the image made you feel pathetic. You just allowed yourself to fool around with a little girl’s father. You could be the reason she grows up in a broken home because her mother found out about her father’s brief lapse of judgement. 

However, you didn’t feel as much as remorse as you did your feelings for Mark and if he was okay with having an affair with you, than who were you to disagree? Over the next six months, you and Mark snuck around to fool around with one another. If he wasn’t blowing your back out in his office, he was taking you up against the fridge in your apartment or having you ride him in the backseat of your car. After your first time together, he set some ground rules. You weren’t able to text him unless he texted you first in fear of his wife seeing your messages; which turned in to emails instead because it was easier to tell you of how much he missed having his face in between your pretty titties and how much he loves the feeling of you clenching around him. 

You also weren’t allow to mark him in any way which was a given, but that didn’t stop him from leaving a couple of love bites and hickeys around your body making it known that your bed was spoken for. He also didn’t want your affair to get in the way of your job or your studies, therefore he refused to meet up with you no matter how much he wanted to until you finished your work. You didn’t know how the two of you have been keeping this a secret for so long. You were no longer a student of his, but that didn’t stop you from attending his office hours. 

Unfortunately, you made the mistake of falling in love with him less than three months in to your secret little rendezvous but it was hard not to. Sure, most of your relationship was spent making love with one another, but there were times that you got to see the real Mark. There were days where you actually went to see him for some help on your assignments and he would always be so patient and understanding with you. He would also reward you with kisses every time you got an answer right and it made you want to try even harder. Sometimes when he would come over to your place, the two of you wouldn’t even have sex. 

You’d either cuddle and watch a movie together or bake something you saw on the food network. He was also pretty invested in the Xbox that you had and sometimes you’d find yourselves battling each other in halo or call of duty. It was in those moments, the moments where he asked you how your day was, where he held you in his arms for hours and comforted you when you found out your grandfather passed away, where he would buy you your favorite coffee drink and purchased things for you that reminded him of you. It was a mistake. How could you fall in love with someone who was on paper; unavailable?

Mark made you feel things that no one has ever felt before. He showed you things so beautiful that you could only see with him and he made you feel as if you were the most beautiful thing on this earth. When you were with him, you felt like everything was perfect. He made you extremely happy and you knew he felt the same way about you. But when you’d leave his office, or once he’d leave your apartment, you felt empty. 

There was a hole in your chest that he would leave every single time he’d have to go and return home; back to his family. To his wife, who wasn’t you. It would always cloud your mind; how could he continue to go home to her as if nothing was wrong. As if having an affair with one of your students and going back home to your wife was one of the most natural things to do? You didn’t mean to be so selfish and only think about your pain and your suffering, but you’d put yourself in her shoes every now and then. If it were you and you found out your husband were cheating on you, you’d be devastated. 

Over the weekend, you and Yugyeom were at the grocery store preparing for a movie night with a couple of friends to take your mind off of finals. The two of you were arguing on what type of chips to get when your eyes landed on a cute little baby sitting in the cart. She looked so familiar and you couldn’t exactly pinpoint where you have seen her before. It wasn’t until her mother turned the cart around that you knew she was Mark’s wife and that was her daughter. He had a picture of the three of them on his desk in the beginning of the semester and you couldn’t get over how pretty she was. 

She had long, silky hair, a petite frame and a gorgeous smile. The way she was looking at Mark in that photo was the same way you looked at him every day; with so much love and admiration. However, as your relationship continued, you were quick to notice that he took the photo from off of his desk and sometimes he even goes without his ring. It always made you curious as to why he did that, but you never had the courage to ask him. Seeing the two of them in person awoke something inside of you. 

Even if it was just a couple of seconds of seeing them, it felt as if a bucket of cold water was thrown on you and reality just slapped you in the face. For some reason, seeing them made you feel like you were about to throw up. You didn’t understand why you felt so bothered; you had no problem sneaking around with her husband for the last six months. But knowing she existed and actually seeing her were two different things. It made it all the more real that Mark was being unfaithful and that you were a home wrecker, slowly tearing their family apart. 

Only then did it occur to you that Mark wasn’t with them and you knew he was still probably sleeping because you tired him out in the back of your car the night before. You couldn’t allow this affair to continue; it was extremely stupid of you for letting it get this far and you were sure if you didn’t see the two of them that you would only get deeper and deeper in to a mess that you didn’t know how to get out of. That night, you found yourself at your previous fuck buddy Jinyoung’s house. You knew it was a big mistake, but you needed to know that there were other men out there who could please you. 

Other men that would find you attractive and love your body the way that Mark claimed to. Other men that would be able to take your mind off of the only man you’ve ever loved. You needed to know that you could move on from Mark; that he wasn’t the only man out there but as Jinyoung thrusted himself in to you and left wet, sloppy kisses in the crook of your neck, you knew that nobody could take Mark’s place. Nobody would ever be able to set fire to your bones and send your entire body in flames. Nobody could ever be nor replace Mark, and that’s what you were most afraid of. 

You weren’t surprised to see that Mark’s been trying to reach out to you for days. Ever since the day at the grocery store, you’ve been avoiding him. He’s sent you multiple emails over the weekend and thought that you were too busy with finals to get back to him so he understood. But when you didn’t meet up with him at his office that Monday and Tuesday, he knew something was up. You knew he was growing impatient and he must’ve known something was wrong. Mark never called you unless it was an emergency and even then, he would stick with emails and text messages. When you saw the two missed calls, you decided to finally give in and asked him if everything was okay. 

Come to my office in fifteen. We need to talk. 

You took in a deep breath and ignored the look of confusion on Yugyeom’s face before standing up and gathering your things. “One of my classmates are asking to meet up right now to study for the exam on Friday. If you’re not busy later, maybe we could go watch a movie or something. I’m sorry for leaving so sudden, but actually do some studying while I’m gone please? You have all the time after finals to focus on chocolate shakes Yugyeom. However, you won’t be able to afford to buy them anymore if you don’t graduate from college and get a decent paying job. I’ll see you later.” 

You slowly made your way out of the coffee shop to prevent yourself from looking suspicious, but once you left you quickly began making your way back to campus. Thankfully the coffee shop was only a couple of minutes away and it gave you enough to calm down your racing heart. You thought about what you were going to do the entire weekend. As painful and gut wrenching the idea of no longer having Mark in your life was, you just couldn’t keep doing this anymore. Sure, it was mainly because you hated being the cause of a broken home, but it was also because you could no longer be the other woman knowing you harbored feelings for him. 

She was his wife and you would forever be the whore that he only reached out to for sex. The closer you were to his building, the more you could feel the nerves building up all throughout your body. Surely he had to know you were staying away from him and not just focusing on your education in the moment. Even on the days where you were busy, you’d still contact him but you haven’t talked to him once the entire weekend. As soon as you made your way outside of his office, you took in a deep breath and gave yourself a couple of seconds to prepare your entire confrontative speech. 

To your dismay, as soon as you knocked on the door, it’s as if he was waiting right there; waiting for you to arrive because you couldn’t even finish knocking before he opened it. 

“Hi—“ the glare he gave you sent chills down your spine. He’s never looked so upset with you before. Was he really bothered with your silence? Why would he be though? You were just his play thing; you didn’t think not hearing from you would bother him in any way. He allowed you to walk in and closed the door; locking it just to be safe. There were a couple times where the two of you almost got caught because he forgot to do so. Luckily people always knocked before trying to open the door. 

You felt him before you saw him; he wrapped his arms around your lower waist and placed his chin on your shoulder. Many red flags were going off at the feeling of his embrace but you couldn’t pull away; this man took away your sanity. You put him before yourself so many times. You were afraid of the backlash that would come if you were to make it known that something was on your mind. 

This is your last time together y/n, make it worth the while. 

Feeling him leave soft kisses against your neck made you shiver. You began to think back to a few days ago when Jinyoung had you writhing underneath him. With Jinyoung, it felt so rushed and at the end, you felt so disgusted; so used. He didn’t even bring you to your orgasm. With Mark, your release was his number one priority. He wasn’t going to stop fucking you until you came and that’s what you were going to miss. Someone who genuinely seemed to care about you and your well being. Someone who made it his responsibility to make sure you were taken cared of. You were going to miss Mark, but you miss the person you were before stumbling in to bed with him. You were a young woman with morals; one who would frown upon cheaters, mistresses, adulterers. 

Time and time again, you told yourself you could never do that to someone but Mark Tuan broke down your walls entirely and got you to go against everything you ever believed in. Not anymore. Only for today, you were going to allow yourself to give in to him; to allow him to ravish in your body one more time. But once you were done, you were going to leave both his office and his life completely. 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” 

His voice sounded melancholic; as if he was sad that you’ve been doing so and it made you feel even worse. Why did you feel like you were the one ruining everything? When two people have an affair, the two are at fault. It takes two people to cheat, so why do you feel as if this is all your fault? Especially because he was the one to initiate it all? Why did you allow him to take so much from you? So much of your time, love, patience, spirit? Only for him to reciprocate it in sex? Why did you allow this man, this stupidly beautiful man, to own your heart knowing there was no way you could ever own his? 

“I’ve been busy with finals—“

“Bullshit y/n. Now tell me the truth. Why have you been avoiding me huh? Ignoring all my attempts in contacting you—did I say or do something to hurt you?” 

Yes, you broke my fucking heart. You fucked my body and fucked over my mind. You touched me, filled me up entirely and left me empty every single fucking time only to go home to a woman who isn’t me. Who will never be me and I refuse to let you have the power to hurt me anymore. 

“No. You didn’t do anything I’m just—I’m the problem. Don’t worry about me okay?” 

He released a frustrated sigh before turning you around in order to get a better look at you. He cupped both of your cheeks in his hands and gazed down softly at you. His gaze pulled on your heartstrings and now you were worried that there was no way you’d be able to leave now. Mark had that effect on you. He could make the entire world go away and your attention would be solely directed on him. 

“How can I not worry about you? You’re all I ever worry about—all I ever think about. I’ve missed you so much y/n. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong okay? Just let me take care of you.” 

He missed you? No, he didn’t miss you, he missed the sex. He missed your body. He missed the way you did whatever he asked of you. There was no way in hell that he missed you, he didn’t know what he was saying. It was his dick talking for him; you knew how easily turned on he’d get from past experiences. You knew his words were a lie, so why were you now torn on what you should do once this was over? 

He brought his lips down to yours in what started off in an extremely passionate yet gentle kiss. However, it didn’t take long for the kiss to get heated. He gripped at the back of your thighs and wrapped your legs around his hips and roughly shoved you up against the wall. His lips were rough and hot against yours, nipping, sucking and tugging on your bottom lip while playfully squeezing your ass in the process. Your hands absentmindedly made their way in to his hair; it was a habit you had every time you both would make out. 

The soft grunts against your mouth made it aware that he enjoyed your little ministration, and you continued as the kiss only got deeper. Kissing Mark was what you thought you were going to miss the most; he told you on a few occasions how much he loved the feeling of your lips against his and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t trace your lips once he was gone just to reminisce on your love making session. 

“Need to—fuck you—now—right now.” 

You pulled away from his mouth and began leaving wet kisses along his jaw as he carried the two of you over to his desk. He laid you down gently on the table and brushed away some of your hair before stealing one more kiss. 

“You’re so beautiful y/n. Breathtaking.” 

He placed another kiss on your lips; more delicate and feather like this time. You didn’t know which of his kisses you preferred but with the way this one made your heart flutter, his gentler kiss was your new favorite. Countless men that had crushes on you, all of your exes and some one night stands would always tell you of how beautiful they thought you were, but nothing compared to hearing Mark tell you how beautiful you were. 

Although you never thought too much of yourself, Mark never failed to make you feel like a goddess verbally and physically. He brought his hands inside of your shirt and squeezed both your breasts, causing a soft moan to fall from your lips. 

“You like that? I know how much you love when I suck on these big titties of yours. Let daddy get inside of you and then I’ll show them some love.” Your shirt was thrown across the room with your shorts pulled off right after. 

“Fuck—I will never get enough of this view.” 

Watching him bite his lip while looking at you caused you to cross your legs in order to get any sort of friction against your throbbing core. How could someone who talked about such boring topics such as the earth’s mantle and the crevice of the moon be capable of such a naughty mouth? Just like you, he was now in just his underwear and you found yourself admiring his body in all it’s glory. Who knew a physics professor would be hiding such an impressive six pack under all his flannels and band tees? 

“Wanna see just how much I’ve missed you?” 

He didn’t give you a chance to respond before he took off his underwear and you swore you could come just by the sight of his thick and extremely hardened cock. The tip was red and you had a feeling it had to be painful. 

“I’m hard as a fucking rock y/n. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time baby, but I’m gonna need your help in fixing this problem. You made daddy think you were ignoring him; now daddy’s gonna teach you a lesson.” 

He lined himself at your entrance and ran his cock along your soaking folds to lubricate himself before entering you. His hands made their way up to your chest and he shoved his palms inside of your bra, cupping and squeezing your mounds the same time he pushed himself inside of you. The two of you moan in unison; no matter how many times you’d make love, the stretch always drove the two of you insane. 

“Fuck—so tight—so wet—so, so good. Please—shit shit—tell me when I can move baby please—“ 

Another reason why you loved having sex with Mark was because he always put you first, every single time. He never failed to ask you how you were doing, if he could move, if he was hurting you, if the two of you could experiment in different positions. Although the two of you were commuting such a sinful act, he was always quite the gentlemen and it never failed to bring a smile on your face but they never lasted long. 

The second you nodded in agreement, he began roughly shoving his cock in and out of your cunt. His dick stretched out your tight walls deliciously. Each and every time he bottomed out, you let out a pleasurable sigh; his balls hit the back of your ass with every single thrust and you could feel his cock kiss your cervix whenever he’d return back in to your warm walls. He followed up his promise and continued fondling with your breasts and completely yanking your bra off so that it wasn’t in the way of him massaging your mounds. He flicked at your nipple and pinched the other before bringing your breast inside of his mouth completely. 

“M—Mark—mmm, fuck—your mouth—feels so good and your cock—f—fuck.” He giggled softly as he brought one of your nipples in between his teeth and nibbled softly. 

“What about my cock y/n? Tell me—my dirty little slut. Tell me how it feels? You love the feeling of my balls on your ass yeah? Love the way daddy’s long, thick cock feels going in and out of your slick walls, don’t you y/n? Because I do. Fuck—did you just get tighter—don’t do that y/n, you know what that does to me.” 

If only he knew the real meaning behind his words. If it were anyone else calling you their dirty little slut, you wouldn’t have thought twice about it but since it was Mark and technically yes, you were a dirty little slut, it made your stomach hurt. It wasn’t like you’d clench around him on purpose. It was just so much for you to take. The sound of skin on skin clapping and both your quiet moans filled the entire room making the atmosphere extremely sensual and erotic. He pulled away from your breasts and intertwined both your hands together while placing it on both sides of your head. 

His thrusts only got harder and faster as the minutes went by and you were sure with the pace he was going that you’d both reach your ends here pretty soon. Though most people considered missionary as the most boring sex position, it had to be one of your favorites. You loved watching Mark’s facial expressions as he drilled himself in and out of you. You loved watching the way his eyes would roll to the back of his head as the tip of his cock would graze your clit. You loved seeing his cocky smile every time he’d force you to beg for him to make you come. 

But something in the way he was looking at you right now was different. He never looked at you like this before and you couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but he looked both fucked out yet soft with a hint of what you assumed was worry or curiosity. A small smile rose upon his face and he leaned down to steal a kiss from your lips. 

“You mean a lot to me y/n. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Fuck, baby please tell me you’re close, please. You always get me to cum so soon. Your pussy is just that good. Ah—shit—“ 

Feeling his warm, creamy liquid fill up your walls got you to release not too long afterwards and you sent him a soft, cheeky grin even though you knew the hell that was coming. He gave you a few minutes to come down from your high and put his clothes back on before cleaning you up and helping you put on your shirt. The pleasurable soreness between your thighs made your cheeks warm and you were sure your legs were probably jelly at the rate he pounded you in, but you wanted your last time together to be memorable. 

After Mark, you don’t think you’d want to be involved with anyone else for a while. Not when you experienced what you thought was the love of a lifetime. Once you were both finished making yourselves look more presentable, he ran his hands through your hair and pecked your nose. Since you knew of your next actions, you pulled his mouth down to yours and left a long, sloppy kiss on his lips. God, you were going to miss him. 

“Hey, y/n, are you okay? I didn’t hurt you too much did I?” 

You didn’t even realize a tear fell from your face until he wiped it up with his cheek. This felt like deja vu, Yugyeom did the same thing for you less than two hours ago but for the same reason. You knew he meant it as if he wanted to make sure he didn’t fuck you too hard, but you were in fact in pain. 

You did hurt me, but not in the ways that you think you did. 

“Should we take this back to your place now? I miss eating that pretty pussy of yours. Then we can order some take out tonight or something. I told my wife I wouldn’t be home until late because I knew there was a chance I’d be seeing you today, so we have a good amount of time together—“

The laugh of hysterics that came from the back of your mouth confused him. You couldn’t believe how he was acting so nonchalantly. He told his wife he was going to be late because he planned on sleeping around with another woman. How could he not feel wrong about that? 

“Mark—let’s stop this.” He looked at you as if you grew another head. 

“What are you taking about y/n? Stop what? I don’t understand where this is coming from. Baby—“

“Don’t call me baby! Are you forgetting that you have one? You’re married Mark! You have a wife and a daughter waiting for you at home while you’re out here kissing another woman. Spending time with another woman—fucking another woman! Giving yourself to another woman! Do you know how hard it’s been for me these last few months pretending like nothing was wrong? Fucking you and letting you fuck me knowing that you had a family waiting for your return? Do you know how many times I’ve cried over this situation? How many times I felt disgusted with myself because of this? You’re right Mark, I am a dirty little slut. I’m a whore—a mistress—A FUCKING HOMEWRECKER and I can’t let this go on anymore. I’m sorry.” 

He let out a scoff, but you could see in his eyes that he was now feeling remorse. Whether it was towards you or to his family, you will never know but it didn’t matter anymore. Your mind was made up and there was no way you and Mark could bounce back from this. Especially because your heart was at stake and you were now wearing it on your sleeve. 

“We’ve been fooling around for months y/n and it never seemed to bother you that I have a family. If it did, you would’ve never let it happen but you wanted me just as much as I wanted you. Still want you. Fuck—I meant what I said when I told you that there’s something different about you. You excite me y/n. You’re the only source of my happiness right now. You make me feel safe, you make me feel things not even my wife makes me feel. Please don’t give up on us—tell me what I can do to make it better. I’ll do anything.” 

Leave your wife. You hated that those three words were at the back of your tongue, but it was the selfish bitch inside of you, the one who loved Mark Tuan with every fiber of her being that didn’t care about anyone but herself that wanted him to give up his family life in order to be with her. But the realist in you knew that could never happen. There was no way he’d leave his two-year-old daughter and his wife of four years for a senior in college. He wouldn’t give up everything he’s worked so hard for to be with you. No one in their right mind would do that; especially not for sex. 

“Let me go Mark. It’s what’s best for both of us.”

“Speak for yourself y/n! I can’t lose you. Why only now? Why are you acting like this now? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

Your throat was sore from all the yelling and your chest felt dry. Your fists were tightening out of frustration and you were sure there were tears falling from your cheeks but you were too numb to feel anything. A part of you was ready to say fuck it and take him in your arms, but you couldn’t do that. You loved yourself too much to give in to him even if it’s all you wanted to do.

“Your daughter is beautiful. She’s a splitting image of you. Has your pretty brown eyes, light, curly brown hair and such a cute little smile. And your wife is gorgeous. I saw them at the grocery store the other day and seeing them, actually seeing them in the flesh rather than just pictures felt like a punch in the face. You have such a cute little family Mark. Why would you let it all go to waste for a college student you fuck on the regular?”

“Damnit y/n! When will you get it through your head? I don’t say it but I know you know you are more than just a fuck. This is way more than just sex between us and you know it! Fuck! I love you! I’m in love with you and I have been for a while now! That’s why I can’t lose you! You’re all that I want and could ever need in my life. There were so many times I came up with excuses to be home late so I could spend more time with you. You make me feel young, like a little child. All my worries and negative thoughts go away whenever I’m with you. You’re my favorite place y/n. My safe haven. You mean the entire world to me. I’ll do anything to get you to stay. Please—I’ll go insane without you.”

“I love you too Mark. More than I plan on admitting and that’s why I have to let you go.” 

His grip on your waist was tight and he pulled you against his chest in attempts to hide the tears that were falling down his cheeks from you but to no avail. You’ve only seen Mark cry twice in the last few months that you’ve known him for. Once while the two of you watched Christopher Robin and the other when your grandfather passed away. It was weird seeing him cry then, you didn’t think your tears hand any effect on him but it made you smile knowing they did. This time was much more different. It made you know that his words were sincere; that he really did love you and that he would go crazy without you. You’d probably go crazy without him too but it was what you had to do. 

“I’ll leave her. If that’s what it’ll take to make you stay, I’ll leave my wife so we could be together—“ 

You shook your head and gave him a sad smile. As amazing the thought of being with Mark sounded and knowing he was willing to leave his family to be with you made your heart flutter, you couldn’t let him do that. You wouldn’t be able to live knowing what you did. 

“Mark, please don’t. I can’t, okay? I love you, I really do and I probably always will. I’m sure I’ll regret doing this later on in life and I’ll miss you like hell—but it’s the right thing to do. What we had was amazing, but you and I both know we could never be together in the way that we want to.” 

You placed one more kiss on the corner of his mouth and you could feel him hesitating to reach out to grab you, but you knew Mark was aware that you were right. He could fight for you all he wanted, but he couldn’t fight your heart’s decisions. 

“Goodbye Mark. Take care of yourself.”

[twiceblackvelvet]

Username: xNotYourJoyx

A/N; hi. i have no clue where this idea came from. i don’t know why my brain always tells me to start more red velvet series’ randomly. but here is the latest spawn from it. this will have more parts to it because i’m interested in expanding on the dynamics of this trio plus i signed up for things that have since blown up my emails for this because i’m dedicated like that. anyway! enjoy. or don’t. idk anymore. 

It was only a suggestion.  A quick mention, really. “There’s this site, Seungwan,” is how it started. Except for that brief conversation spiraled rapidly into a whirlwind of curiosity and excitement. Perhaps, discussing the lack of sex life and the frustration that comes with that whilst you’re supposed to be busy working on the latest financial development wasn’t the smartest move, and yet, the conversation ended in a better resolution than she imagined when Joohyun had managed to pry the information out of her about why she’s been so on edge lately. 

On edge being both literal and metaphorical. Getting to the high is easy, however, toppling over into the rush of being able to feel the full experience of pleasure has been evading her for the last few weeks now. Nothing seems to do the trick and though you may think it’d be fun to simply keep trying, it’s starting to become an issue with the more extreme methods she attempts. So, it desperately needs to be fixed, just not in front of all of her colleagues who are idly typing away the dull workday. 

The rest of the day drags along. Nothing particularly interesting happens which Seungwan is grateful for, she could do without the extra stress. Though, she’s sure the new sponsorship to promote a dead-end product that everyone had warned their boss about will cause a headache in the future, she ignores the nagging feeling in the back of her mind. Joohyun was kind enough to buy dinner for the both of them which her stomach is currently grateful for as she’s certain her fridge at home is empty. But, watching her friend and colleague suckle on the ice cream bar she purchased for herself should not have resulted in her needing to press her legs together on instinct. 

Joohyun didn’t notice, or if she did, she didn’t say anything and continued to lap her tongue across the cold strawberry flavored ice cream. Probably for the best. Nothing good ever comes from getting too involved with people you have to work alongside every day, even if that person does look like Aphrodite herself. The awkward looks between you both, everyone else knowing that the two of you have slept together but are now deciding on which color scheme to use for an advertisement, it just isn’t something that Seungwan wants to deal with. So, she and Joohyun will have to remain platonic. Unfortunately.

It’s late by the time she gets home. The hallway lights leading up to the apartment door flicker every few seconds and the apartment across the hall has the television turned up loud enough that Seungwan is sure they’re trying to let those in hell hear the latest episode of whichever show they’re currently watching. The keys in her hand rattle as she unlocks the stiff door that barely wants to open anymore. The loudness doesn’t disappear once she closes it behind her but it’s home and somewhere she can erase the feeling of being stuck, in more ways than one. 

The latest routine of ordering in unhealthy food that is slowly destroying her insides, a cold shower to wash away some of the exhaustion, and then listening to the same songs for about an hour feels almost robotic but it’s what she’s grown used to now. Once the darkness begins to creep in across the apartment, cold air making the hairs on her arm stand to attention and the neighbors suddenly growing quiet, it’s the small bed in the corner of the room that calls out and the only thing echoing inside her head. 

Well, it would be, had she not suddenly recalled Joohyun’s description of a site where many people frolic and entertain those who perhaps need a little extra help with their more sinful needs. She moves on auto-pilot toward the jacket hanging on the coat rack and reaches into the left side pocket for the small piece of paper where only the web address is scrawled upon it in Joohyun’s perfect handwriting. The laptop she bought years before and barely runs anymore rests on the dining table she never sits at, closed, and with a line of dust taking up home upon it. Grabbing it, she plops herself down onto the bed after removing her dressing gown and the towel around her hair which has long since dried and throwing it into a corner of the room to be cleaned up tomorrow. 

Her fingers trace the keyboard idly, never pressing in a single key, simply going back and forth over the letters whilst her brain tries to decipher if this is something she wants to try out. 

“Fuck it.” She thinks. Soon enough, the site is loading, slowly, and asking for her to confirm she is of legal age to enter it. 

The screen finally loads and brings up a bunch of profiles under the “popular” banner. To say that the sight of all the various people before her is overwhelming would be an understatement. A sidebar reveals that she can choose a category as well as filter out specific things that are not of her interest. Some of the categories are the standard you would expect, for example, she immediately filters to only see profiles of women. However, others are a little more out there and specific toward what Seungwan assumes are people’s fetishes. A lot of them are things that she would never consider a person could find interesting sexually, and yet, the option is right before her. She ignores the curious voice inside of her head telling her to click on some of them. 

A screen full of women now presents itself in front of her. All of them are beautiful and there’s a whole variety to choose from. The profile pictures range from selfies where they’re simply smiling to some of them being without clothing whatsoever. She scrolls for quite some time simply admiring all of the choices before her until one, in particular, captures her attention. 

Wide dark eyes with hair of the same shade of brown, plump lips that are sporting a small smirk that’s both enticing and teasing. Part of the girl’s neck is on display for Seungwan to imagine herself kissing and biting softly. Without hesitation, she hovers over the username and clicks onto the profile. 

“xNotYourJoyx” she repeats mentally a few times. 

The next page reveals a sign-up box that doesn’t allow Seungwan to venture any further. She’s quick to type in her email address, a username not as clever as she would like and the same password she uses for everything else. The next step is to add her bank details in order to be able to subscribe to various pages. She hesitates at this portion realizing that it’s probably very easy for people to fall too far down this rabbit hole. Thus she promises herself not to subscribe to anything until she’s 100% sure. 

After completing her profile, she’s brought back to the girl she assumes is named Joy or at least uses that name here. Her subscription rate is the first thing to appear. Her price is low Seungwan thinks, around $10 when she was expecting something far higher based on the type of content Joohyun had told her the people on the site create. The next part is an Amazon wishlist with various items in it ranging from hair extensions, expensive perfume, and medical equipment? She must be a nurse, Seungwan thinks. 

Further down the page reveals a VIP service which is more expensive than the standard subscription but allows for you to request specific pictures or videos. There are rules that come along with it which Seungwan reads multiple times over. 

Don’t ask me to say or tell you anything personal about me, we are not friends. You don’t know me like that. 

No, you can’t have my Instagram or any other social media so don’t ask. 

Don’t be a dick. 

My amazon wishlist is not for me. I am not a doctor. But I’m down to dress as one for you if you’re into that. 

“Well, that clears that up I guess.” She thinks. 

For the next ten minutes, Seungwan simply scrolls through the free content on offer from Joy. A few shots of her without clothes but covering her body up with her hands or a sheet, all of which look professionally done which is surprising.  She’s captivated and drawn in by this girl a lot quicker than she thought she would be, she can see why Joohyun would recommend such a thing to her now. The possibilities are endless and there are no strings attached. It’s an ideal situation for both parties. 

Despite making the promise to herself, she’s quick to subscribe to Joy’s feed but ignores the large “upgrade to VIP” logo that’s glistening in gold below the payment button. It would seem strange or suspicious surely to her if someone new to her profile was suddenly paying for the premium option Seungwan tries to logic with herself. 

A few seconds pass as the page reloads itself before finally Joy’s profile is unlocked for Seungwan’s eyes to devour. The same type of photos as previously, however, without anything covering herself up. The same natural reaction to jam her thighs together that she felt earlier with Joohyun ends up happening again except this time she positions her hand under the waistband of her bed shorts. 

The further she explores everything Joy has posted the more the need to be touched becomes overwhelming Before she knows it her fingers are gently caressing her soft skin slowly yet with desperation. Many of the images have comments from other people praising the effortless beauty that Joy manages to convey with ease. Seungwan thinks that Joy must be someone with great confidence to display herself so openly like this. She wishes she too were able to picture herself in the way that Joy likely does. 

Her body aches for some release but once more she’s not able to reach the peak as the page of images suddenly comes to an end. Once more, the gold button for premium appears and tells Seungwan she’s reached the limit of what she can see. A blurring effect does a good job of hiding what follows next, however,  what it doesn’t do is stop her from being enticed further when she spots that Joy has also uploaded videos of herself, they are simply hidden from those on the basic subscription as her. 

Almost sub-consciously she finds herself going against every warning sign inside of her mind telling her that paying to watch Joy rather than just look at her is a bad decision, one she will definitely come to regret or become too attached to doing, and yet, it’s too late once she’s confirmed the upgrade and clicked onto the first video that appears. 

White background, likely a wall in her home, Seungwan thinks, until finally the girl steps into the frame with yet another smirk on her lips.  

“Hello, welcome to premium. Thank you for subscribing. I hope you enjoy all of the videos and pictures that only a select few of you will ever get to see. If you’re feeling even more generous please be sure to check out my wishlist. Now, let’s have fun together.” 

Her voice is silky smooth, Seungwan thinks. She replays the simple video a few times just to hear her make this decision sound like she’s part of an exclusive club where only she is invited, though, she’s aware that isn’t true at all. Joy likely has a ton of people paying to see the most intimate parts of her. The comments on this simple welcoming video are at 59 which means at least that many people have also fallen into the trap, though if Joy is the prize, Seungwan wonders if be tricked into paying extra like this is worth it in the end. 

She decides to read through some of them just to get a sense of how people communicate with her here. 

ksgeees says: can’t wait for you to send me my video Joy😏

canudoit2609 says: so hot🔥

r4bb1tfr13nd says: damn i should have subbed earlier🥵🥵🥵

speedzoom0408 says: YOU CAN HAVE ALL MY MONEY

HYUNSKY says: most beautiful girl ever 

Strangely, the latter comment is the only one Joy has bothered to give a reply to. 

xNotYourJoyx says: @HYUNSKY wow, thank you😳

The compliment is definitely correct and deserving of a reply, yet, Seungwan wishes she were the one to tell Joy such things and have her respond solely to her. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster and though she probably shouldn’t be feeling it toward a complete stranger, she does. The sound of the keys as she types out her own comment with her free hand that hasn’t been teasing herself is the only thing she can hear now. Not even the wind outside is able to pierce her eardrums and break her from this spell that Joy has put her under. 

Wannie2102 says: you are so perfect, Joy.

It’s simple and Seungwan hates it, but she simply must tell this girl something, anything, in hopes that she sees it and feels happy to be complimented. 

Silence now, nothing but the screen before her for light inside the cold bedroom. The list of videos, 71 in total, tempting Seungwan, taunting almost. Her left hand numb now from just resting against her own body whilst her right-hand clicks onto the next one in the list after the welcoming video. 

The same white background, however, Joy is positioned in the video as soon as it starts this time. Laying down on a black crushed velvet sofa in only her underwear. Her right hand gently caressing her breasts as she grunts out a few low moans. Her left hand in a similar position to where Seungwan is resting her own. The tired and slow circles in which she moves her hand causes her eyes to roll into the back of her head as Seungwan changes her own pace to match that of Joy’s on the screen. 

Her bed creaks with every movement of Joy’s that she mimics, the headboard bashing against the wall behind her whenever Joy quickens her pace and then sounds like a light drumming whenever she slows. The neighbor next door has definitely been awakened by the rhythmic sound of Seungwan rocking her body against her fingers. 

“You’re enjoying this, huh?” The words surprise Seungwan out of her reverie as it’s as if Joy is present and asking her specifically and knowing that she too is pleasuring herself as she is doing. Without even thinking she manages to gasp out a yes in reply that only she can hear, yet gains a response from Joy almost like she can magically hear her. “I wish I could watch you touch yourself to me.” she pauses to lowly moan. “For me.” 

The pressure rises between her thighs once more except this time her body allows her to release every bit of tension she’s had to keep trying to get rid of for weeks. Her entire body collapses against itself as she indulges herself in what she’s convinced is the longest orgasm to ever exist. Her legs shaking wildly as her arm tenses up and flex to make sure she feels every bit of her undoing. The sound of Joy finishing up her own continues to play in the background for further motivation but the deed has already been done. 

She rests momentarily, staring up at the ceiling as gentle pants fill the room both from herself and the laptop. Nothing else in the world matters at this very moment. However, once more Joy manages to surprise Seungwan with her telepathic way of just knowing somehow when to speak to her viewer. 

“Thank you for that, I hope you come back soon for more.” and then the video ends. 

A dark screen replacing the beautiful image of Joy just as spent as Seungwan feels. But, now she’s left to think about everything that has just transpired between herself, the screen and a girl she doesn’t even know. Guilt wells up in her chest and she slams the screen shut almost shattering the glass. “Why did you do this?” is the only thing that repeats inside of her mind. No longer focused on the pulsating feeling against her hand as she pulls it out of her shorts too fast and whips herself with the waistband which will no doubt sting in the morning.

Her legs shakily drag her body to the bathroom almost tripping over various clothes that have sat there waiting to be cleaned for way too long now. She turns on the shower for the second time tonight and steps into it, almost falling immediately. The cold water shocks her body into feeling something other than the after-effects of pleasuring herself. Scrubbing every inch of her body intensely and repeating inside of her mind that she’ll cancel the subscription tomorrow and never do anything like this ever again. She can’t. Joy is a stranger and she shouldn’t be doing these things.

By the time she’s finished almost burning her skin with the washcloth to make sure she’s rid herself of her sins and changing her fair skin to a reddish shade, the clock on the bedside table shows that there are only three hours before she’s due to wake up for work. The bed seems tainted now, so she grabs the blanket and sleeps on the sofa that is far less comfortable. 

Joohyun is definitely going to ask her about whether or not she used the site, definitely going to notice the dark circles under her eyes from the lack of sleep and will definitely draw up her own conclusion anyway no matter what her answer is. She tries her best not to think about any of this but there’s just a constant loop of the images of Joy, the sound of her voice, and the way she encouraged Seungwan to feel again. 

She dreams of dark hair and brown eyes that night and moans that could be the most heavenly sound in the world or a new addiction that Seungwan isn’t ready for but may not have a choice but to indulge in it. 

pt. ii

[ashenxvoid]

Bands That Don’t Suck!

SO.

2020 is the year that separates the boys from the men, and we’ve all seen how when the going gets tough, some of our fave bands don’t get going. Which SUCKS.

So I’ve started hunting for artists/bands that scratch my alt itch while actually feeling good to listen to. To no ones surprise it’s a lot of riot grrl, feminist punk, queer punk, etc.

So after listening to 2 whole Spotify playlists (this) and (this) and scrolling through WAY TOO MANY band instagrams, twitters, and Wikipedia pages, I have a list of artists YOU should check out.

They each fit at least 3/4 of these categories:

1. Good music about relevant topics

2. Have addressed BLM on social media/donated money

3. No evidence of being lgbtq+ phobic (in fact many are part of the community!)

4. Modern! Currently active, at least enough to have like an Instagram or something. Cause as cool as classic riot grrl stuff is, I just don’t have enough readily available info on the band members.

The playlists above have DOZENS of other artists if you want to check them out, I’m limiting this list to things I instantly loved and could find reliable evidence of being good people THIS YEAR. Cause what counted as feminist punk in the 80’s might not cut it in 2020 and even though I really love lots of old bands I’m not putting it on a public reccomendation list unless I have tangible physical proof... and I’m too lazy to look for it rather than Instagram or twitter. Do that yourself.

Here’s the list, which will be added onto in Reblogs as I find more playlists and more artists (next on my list is a queercore playlist Spotify recommended me, as well as a list of black-fronted punk bands I found on the Instagram of one of these artists! Not telling you which cause I’m trying to trick you into checking out their pages XD)

feel free to leave your own recommendations as well!

Dream nails- feminist punk witch band!!!! I’ve only heard one of their songs “vagina police” which understandably had me iffy by the name but I checked out their Instagram and they’re totally chill! Like I’m pretty sure they’re one of the only bands I found that actively posts pride stuff! Vagina Police is a fantastic song too! I’ve just been on tumblr way too long to immediately trust anything with vagina in the title lol. But nah they just focus a lot of their lyrics on the policing of women’s bodies.

The Regrettes- I’ve yet to find a song of theirs I don’t like, its banger after banger! “Seashore” is one of my very favorite songs right now!

Lilac Queen- with a name like that how could you go wrong? “Ouch” hit me like a ton of bricks when I first heard it and I never looked back!

The Sonder Bombs- if you vibe with Paramore I have FANTASTIC news! The vibes are IDENTICAL, but it’s full of deep lyrics and relatable topics and why am I writing a pitch when I could just tell you to listen to ‘twinkle lights’ and cry your eyes out like I did because I’ve never heard a song that so clearly illustrates out societies consent problem while also being a GODDANG BOP

She/her/hers- again, you had me at hello, do I even need to SAY anything else? But even though the band name is more than enough let me cry about the SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE I had. Picture me, a four hours drive from my house, cleaning hub caps as an under the table job for my cousin, thinking about how I want to start an Etsy shop selling punk feminist patches I hand embroider, even though I have to hide most of the designs from my mom and lie about it and likely shoplift embroidery thread once in a while

. And what comes through my earbuds but ‘I’m not “supposed” to be anything” LIKE A BEACON FROM THE HEAVENS TELLING ME TO FUCKING GO FOR IT! This band WILL change your life. I don’t know how it’s possible to write songs that speak to such a specific experience yet apply to such a wide range of states of being. But it happened.

Dollskin- this is another I haven’t heard a lot of but what I did hear... this band REEKS of middle school in the best possible way. I DARE YOU to listen to “mark my words” and not start jumping around your bedroom like a over caffeinated squirrel. You can’t. You just can’t!

[talesofstyles]

I just really want some really nice cosy Harry fluff about chilling together and just loving on each other without sex. Please please please x

hi! i’m literally the worst person that you could send a concept to so i’m sorry this took forever! but hope you like it anon! xx

When Harry is in London, he has an additional—and most important if you ask him—profession; his wife’s personal chauffeur. Most of his business is in LA, so his schedule isn’t as tight when he’s back home in London. When he’s home, he wakes up bright and early every morning; sometimes he wakes up first, but most of the time YN has to wake him up. At first, she always wakes him up after she’s all set, dressed in her work outfit, and ready to go. But then Harry started to complain because he wanted to see her getting ready. YN laughed, and the next day she woke him up right after she took a shower so she was still wrapped in her towel. Of course, Harry being Harry, he tugged the only piece of fabric that covered his wife’s body and pulled her back into bed. They did it that morning, and for the first time in history, YN was an hour and a half late to work.

“Sodding fucking bollocking shit wank!” A train of curse words left YN’s mouth, making Harry burst in laughter. “An hour and a half! What am I supposed to say to my boss?!”

“Just tell ‘im your husband gave you a really big breakfast,” Harry teased his panic wife, grinning from ear to ear. “Took a while to finish.”

“Harry!”

Smiling to herself and shaking her head as she recalls the memory, YN looks at her reflection in the mirror to check her make-up one last time, before she stands up and walks towards the bed to wake her husband up. In the beginning, YN refused when Harry proposed his idea to take her to work and then pick her up every day whenever he’s at home. London traffic is no joke and she thought that Harry could just rest at home, but her stubborn husband wouldn’t have any of it and insisted to do it so she just let him.

“H,” YN whispers as she taps Harry’s shoulder gently. “Wake up.”

Harry stretches out his arms in response before he rubs his eyes. “Morning,” he mumbles, opening his eyes slowly. He pouts as soon as he realises that YN is already dressed and ready to go. “Y’didn’t wake me up earlier!”

“Sorry,” YN lets out a chuckle. “Got an important meeting this morning. Can’t risk being late.”

“I wanted to see you getting ready,” he grumbles like a stroppy child, making YN laugh.

“You’ll see more than that tonight,” she smirks at him to cheer him up. “Promise.”

“Oh,” he smiles instantly. “Gonna put on a little show f’me?”

“Maybe,” YN shrugs playfully, laughing at her husband. “Go and get ready. What do you want for breakfast? Eggs? Muesli?”

“Don’t worry about that,” he says as he begins walking to the en suite to get ready. “I can just take a fruit and eat in the car if you’re in a rush.”

***

“Indian or Chinese?” Harry asks YN as soon as they step into their home after Harry picked her up from work. It’s Friday and they always order takeout every Fridays.

“Indian, please,” YN replies without turning her head as she plops down on the couch in their living room. “And-”

“Get extra naan?” Harry cuts her off, smiling. They really know each other so well that they don’t even have to talk in full sentences for the other to understand.

YN chuckles, looking over her shoulder and smiling at Harry. “I was gonna say I love you.”

“I’m not buying that,” Harry rolls his eyes comically as he grabs the phone to order. “Know you too well, darlin’.”

“I’m not selling anything,” YN laughs.

Harry walks towards the couch after he put the phone down. It’s not that often for YN to sit on the couch right away after she gets home from work. Normally, she’ll take a shower right away or maybe just change into her loungewear, but on one of these days when she’s extra clingy—if you ask Harry he’ll want her to be that clingy every day—she’ll plop down on the couch with her husband. She’ll take the remote control from his hand, and begins scrolling to find something to watch on Netflix. The telly is always on, but they never actually watch it. She’ll snuggle up to his side, her head resting on his chest and he’s got one of his arms wrapped around his wife.

Harry knows that she is in that mood when he sees her sitting down on the couch waiting for him to finish their order. And he’s right; as soon as he sits down, she scoots closer and wraps her arm across her husband’s body, resting her head on his chest.

“Tired?” Harry looks down to her, kissing the top of her head.

YN nods before she lets out a yawn. “Very.”

“Take a little nap then,” Harry suggests. His fingers brushing her hair subconsciously because he always does it whenever she’s close to him. He knows how much she loves it when he does that. “I’ll wake you up when the food gets here.”

“Oh, I almost forgot,” YN says before sitting up and pinches Harry’s belly.

“Oi!” Harry exclaims, rubbing the spot that she’s just pinched playfully. “What was that for?”

“My workmate found your post-it!” YN grumbles and Harry instantly bursts out laughing.

It started with YN’s obsession with a post-it. She always writes little notes and put them literally everywhere. Most of them are in her work files, but if you open up her collections of books and even magazines, it’s most likely that you’ll find them too. Quotes that she finds on the page, recommendations of places or things from magazines, important things from work, she writes down everything.

So one day, Harry wrote something for her on a post-it and slipped it into her handbag. Then YN wanted revenge and she began to leave little surprises for her husband as well. In his car, his pocket, the back of his iPad, in his suitcase, everywhere she could think of.

And today is no different. This morning when YN was preparing a quick breakfast for him, Harry cheekily wrote down ‘Wanna break our record this weekend?’ on a post-it and slipped it into her files.

“Who?” Harry asks her, still laughing.

YN tries to keep her straight face to make it seems that she’s annoyed but Harry knows she secretly loves it. “Luke.”

“Which one again is he?” His eyebrows knit together, trying to remember his face. The name sounds familiar to him.

“Dark hair, green eyes. The one with a white button-up shirt at my office’s family gathering last summer. D’you remember? You talked to him.”

“Ah!” Harry exclaims when he remembers the guy that his wife is talking about. “The fit one?”

YN giggles and nods. “The really fit one.”

“Good then,” he replies. “Now he knows you’re married.”

YN rolls her eyes comically. “I’m married to Harry Styles. I think even Obama knows I’m married.”

“Tha’ Harry Styles you’re talking about,” Harry starts. “Is he cute?”

“Eh, he’s fine,” YN says teasingly. “Got a bit of a belly but I love it. Think he’s carrying our baby.”

“Oh, is it a girl or a boy?” Harry jokes.

“I don’t know yet but probably both,” YN giggles. “Think we’re having twins.”

Harry gasps. “How big is the belly?!”

YN laughs even harder and Harry pulls her closer to him again as he laughs as well, cuddling her. “Don’t make me laugh, I wanna take a nap.”

“Alright, alright, c’mere,” he says, playing with her hair. He wants to keep quiet but he can’t help himself. “Y’smell so good.”

“Ssh,” YN whines. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“Sleep,” Harry lets out a little chuckle and kisses the top of her head. “I’ll wake you up when the naan gets here.”

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Hello everyone! I have hopefully returned to your regularly scheduled programming.

Anon answers (and a question for you!) below! 👇

1-5. I was only a little surprised to say that Blush won by a goddamn landslide. Dom!Spencer just does something to people, I suppose, lol! Breathe got second, so Show Me The Ropes will just have to wait. I’ve still been writing a lot despite not posting, so whenever my Beta and I have time (please send her good vibes - there’s a lot going on for her!), you guys will be drowned in my content.

Sorry about that.

6. I do want to write more Lesley! Right now my only request for him is fluffy smut of Sub!Lesley making a sex tape. More goofy than sexy, IMO. I have an idea for Raymond and Wes I want to do first.

Actually, which appeals more to y’all?

Dom!Wes putting a leash on you, or Raymond fucking what he firmly believes is a ghost (you’re not, which he realizes later after he runs into you)?

7. I was SHOCKED to see Defining Family win by so much. Since it is so much longer than the other two fluff fics, we’ll see if we finish editing it first. I’m glad you guys are interested, though. I was worried (I’m always worried -  but my last three works weren’t well received, so I’m more worried than usual).

8. I unfortunately not only don’t read works, my memory is akin to a very specific type of chaotic 2008 Neopets fan page. I don’t even remember which of MY fics include that.

If you want suggestions for fics, I recommend asking @dreatine, who is extremely knowledgeable and would be more than happy to discuss fic recs with you. She’s a genius and she’s super nice.

9. Unfortunately that still doesn’t bring us any solace. I’m grateful that people have at least stopped sending multiple requests to me, but they still tend to send it to a bunch of “smaller” writers and then a couple “bigger” writers and that is just... the WORST feeling ever.

Because I’ll tell you what happens: people are scrolling through the tags and see a story summary line, and then go “I’ve already read this” and keep going. That writer loses the chance to share their work, and it makes them feel like garbage. It will always feel, to us, like you are just using us and don’t really care about the impact, even if you just don’t realize (which is why I talk about it all the time.

dontkissthewriter and I organized a fic swap, right? We had to create a posting schedule for everyone involved because we were scared that if we didn’t, the smaller writers would be buried and not get a chance to have their works read.

All I’m asking if that you respect writers. When they say something makes them feel used/like garbage, just try not to do it. It’s really easy to change up a request so that they aren’t the exact same. If you can’t, then only ask one person or at least tell us so we can coordinate. We just want to be respected for our time and work.

10. KEATON. Oh my god I love him. Also, I’m glad you liked It’s Not You, It’s Her. I absolutely hated writing that piece - lmao!  But I did get to write the rant that Spencer really needed to hear in the show, so.

I actually plan on incorporating a similar conversation in a fic eventually. Not sure which one, but I really hate how no one told Spencer in the show that he was idealizing the fuck out of a relationship that probably would have gone poorly, anyway, considering the little of their dynamic that we did see.

11. I’m so glad you enjoy it! I would give a preview of Part 19 but my writing is super chaotic right now. I am working on it! Promise! This chapter is going to be long.

12. Awwwe this is so sweet. I’m glad you enjoy my page. I really love you all and I love having the chance to entertain you and be part of your lives however I can.

Sending love back. I hope you have a wonderful day. Stay safe xoxo 💕

[artboitrash]

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini fanfiction) Chapter 1 - The Student

I tapped furiously at my keyboard on my computer. It's the middle of the night, almost 2:30 in the morning, and I have this stupid project due in the morning.

My head perked up as I heard my coffee maker beep. I sighed and decided a break was a break, at least.

I followed the trailing scent of freshly brewed coffee down the hallway to the kitchen. I felt dreary, and loopy, and ready to sleep. But my stupid procrastinating butt managed to "forget" to write the ending paragraph for an essay due tomorrow morning at 11:00 A.M.

Well, more like two or three paragraphs.

Well, maybe more than a few paragraphs.

Okay, the entire essay.

Fuck college, man.

I glanced at the time on my coffee maker. 2:38 AM. I have less than four hours to complete this essay before I have to leave for school. Then I have a two hour bus ride out to my college, then I have to work until 11, then turn in my half-assed essay. Granted that's if I manage to print it out in time too.

I groaned, rubbing my head as a headache began to develop. I walked to the fridge and grabbed some creamer, hoping to prepare my coffee quickly so I can finish this essay and get at least an hour of sleep to go about my day.

Grabbing a snack out of the fridge, I pour my coffee and make my way back to my room.

Today looks like it'll be hell if I don't play my cards right. . .

-

I walk into the gallery at 8:30 in the morning. I set my stuff down and go about turning on all the lights. I glance around and take in the paintings that have been hanging for the past month. I've seen them all already, not that I've memorized the artist's name or really care. He paints nude women or super imposes their nude photographs onto canvases and paints abstract work around them. Especially after listening to him talk at the opening night, it sounded more as an excuse to portray women's naked bodies for the pleasure of seeing them.

The art department doesn't always select the best artists, in my opinion. But then again, that's my opinion.

I rub my aching head as I recall his story behind one piece hanging thankfully out of sight. A photo of a woman standing with her legs together, hands at her side, staring at the audience, completely nude, blonde hair swept back so her breasts were exposed, no emotion in her face, body cut and pasted onto a picture of an empty street in front of a shop, stained with yellows and browns to give it all a dingy look to it. The story behind that piece was about the artist's family member knowing someone who's kid died of a drug overdose after doing too many drugs on the streets. The piece was supposed to be about how the use of drugs are bad and no one should use them, and the artist chose a young adult woman in front of a shop when the person who died was a late-teens boy that did drugs in an alley.

This most annoying thing to me is every piece in the room was over $1,000 each. Some with a price of $15,000 or more. It irked me because the work didn't feel like there was any soul put into it.

I either don't understand art myself, or the repetitive copy-paste models that look alike don't really shout "artistic statement" to me. Structure, okay. Composition, okay, but often messy. Subject, far too many young adult women with exactly the same body types. Colors, always very muted and very yellow.

I glance at some of the statues the artist did, having taken casts of all his models and rebuilt them using plaster and miscellaneous materials. I frown at the blue statue in the middle of the room, the fact it's a nude adolescent always bothers me whenever I come in here.

I really don't like this artist. Or his work.

"Ahem."

I leaped out of my seat and turn to look towards the door. A man stands there, with a friendly-looking smile on his face, leaning in to look at me despite the glass doors being propped open and being transparent glass.

At first glance, he seemed a little odd. He was dressed very nicely; formal pants and shirt covering his form perfectly, a matching coat left hung open to combat the cold morning outside. His fine clothes perfectly matched his face, a sculpted-looking jaw fit his face like he was a model for a fashion company. He looked like he could be in his thirties, crows feet just beginning to be visible by the eye I could see, but the one to my left - his right eye - was covered by his hair. It was combed straight over his eye, not his entire face. It caught my attention at first, a man in his potential thirties and still hiding his eye behind his bangs. Then I shook it off mentally, it was a college, and early morning college to boot. Literally anything goes.

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the office, ma'am."

A European accent danced across my ears and I perked up. My mind initially began to try and discern what kind it was, but I quickly brushed off the impulse and stood up.

"Sorry, I hope you weren't standing there too long." I said as I walked from the glass desk to the door.

"No need to apologize, I had just walked in. I wasn't certain who was hear this early."

I shook my head. "Not many people except for some early morning classes, unfortunately."

"No rest for the artists, to borrow the phrase."

I walked out the door and gestured he follow. As I pass him I notice a very nice smelling cologne, something I'm not used to in an environment of twenties-something college kids.

Across from the gallery entrance was a map of the large art building and all the different forms of art - save dancing - that were crammed in. I pointed to the second floor of the map and pointed to where we were standing.

"You got unlucky where you walked in," I chuckled to myself. "The gallery is literally on the other side of the building, down to the right here, from the office in the top left on the second floor."

"I see." He laughed too. "I'll have to keep that in mind. Which door is it, then?"

"Quite literally the last door across from the stair door. Right next to a giant window overlooking the rest of the campus. If you walk down this hallway you'll see a large staircase that will take you to the second floor. A little further down is the elevator, if you need it."

He smiled at me, wider than his friendly smile before. "Thank you, miss. You are quite a helpful worker."

I laughed a little. "Don't worry, you're not the first person to get lost in the arts building. You're certainly nicer than some I've had come in here."

"Have a good rest of your morning, ma'am." He said as he turned on his heel and began walking down the hallway.

A black leather portfolio caught my eye, tucked under his left arm, arm swinging slightly with him as he walked. His loafers clicked almost delicately along the linoleum, a strangely soothing and cathartic sound after hearing so many squeaking of tennis shoes through the halls. It made me realize how I had never seen anyone as well dressed or as well taken care of as him, walking along the hallways so casually.

I shook my head slightly as I turned to walk into the gallery again. I can't help my perceptiveness sometimes. I'll pick up on the slightest detail, which is helpful in some cases, but not often when I've just met someone - especially someone I doubt I'll meet again.

I sit back down at the glass desk, mind swimming with the details I picked up  from that man. I did not need this, not today. People are exhausting, and I don't need more exhaustion.

I pull out my laptop to see if I can review and fix anything else on my paper last minute, hopefully I can get the printer in the office working long enough.

-

I pull the pages off the printer and look over them. Crisp ink, warm and malleable pages, words neat and pristine looking back at me. I glance over what I've written once more, hoping to catch one last mistake or incorrect idea before the dreaded turn in time.

I let out a little breath and organize the pages, patting them all neat and precise in a pile. I set them on the desk carefully as I go to get the stapler I keep in my bag. Whatever is in the essay is in the essay. Everything is now up to the grading gods, i.e. the professor.

I pick up the small pile, tapping it in place to ensure all the pages are neat and perfectly centered together, thumbing through them one last time to ensure they are all in order, then tapping them again to even them out one last time.

I may have quite the issue with making sure everything is as it should be.

Or a neat freak, as some might call me.

The sound of the stapler is loud in the silent room. It reverberates off the cement floor and white walls briefly before silence consumes the room once again. I sigh internally, I do not like loud noises, even when I brace for them.

I sit down at the desk and put my essay along with my stapler in my bag, careful not to rumple the pages or catch the staple and tear anything.

I turn towards my laptop, closing out of the word program, out of the printing window, out of the pdf I was using for research, and the hundred-odd tabs of the same purpose.

I open firefox, having accidentally closed it, and go to YouTube. Maybe watching something will calm my nerves. But not too calm, I still have a class to go to.

I pull out my earbuds and plug them into my computer, scrolling down the recommended feed to see what I might want to watch.

A knock catches my attention.

"'Scuzé?" I hear from the doorway.

I glance up, seeing the man I had helped before standing before me. He no longer wears the smile from before, just a slight smirk stretching towards his ear.

"Forgive me for intruding again. I'm afraid the person I'm meeting with isn't here yet. Would you mind if I wait here?"

"Of course not! That's what the gallery is for, after all. It's meant to let people explore art at their leisure."

He glances towards the art I had been mentally critiquing all month long, and while he still held a smile I could almost see something of a grimace cover his face.

"Ah, thank you." He says, but the kindness has left his voice.

He takes a step inside, then glances around. He walks towards the desk I'm sitting at, holding his portfolio in both hands. The scent of his cologne washes over me as he approaches, and I'm embarrassed to admit how nice it smells. I'm not generally one for artificial scents, but his was oddly calming and comforting.

"Do you mind if I leave this on your desk while I look around?"

"Feel free!" I say, trying to sound enthusiastic and not sleep-deprived. "I know how it feels walking around holding onto portfolios or even large sketch pads with nowhere to set them down."

He laughs slightly, and sets the portfolio down on the desk gently, then turning and walking towards one of the canvases by the door. I feel my curiosity peak, making me want to look inside. I wondered if he's looking to be a teacher here in the arts department. Or maybe he wants to do a gallery show here.

Oh god, please let it be the gallery show. I have had such issues with this current installment, I'm almost certain nothing could be worse than this. Maybe straight up porn would be worse.

"Are these your works?" The mans voice cuts me out of my thoughts. I glance up to see him slightly turned towards me and pointing to a painted canvas with a nude woman lounging in a field of sorts.

"Oh, no, sorry." I bite my tongue, having almost said Oh god, no.

A weird look passes over his face. Almost as if shifting emotions or masks for an audience. Or almost as though relief had passed his face before he corrected himself.

"The artist's statement is on the wall over here," I point to a hanging piece of foam with a printed statement from the artist, "if you want to learn more about the artist."

The man smiles politely and nods. "Thank you, I will certainly get to that soon."

I sit back in my chair, turning back to my computer. I put in my earbuds, selecting a video I've watched a few times before, and just tried to keep my eyes open. I grab at my coffee thermos and sip gingerly from it. This much coffee was bound to make me sick, but I can't wait until I can go home and pass out for 12 or more straight hours.

The well-dressed man made his way around the room slowly, as though trying to study and absorb all of the pieces. I saw him in my peripheral either tucking his knuckles under his chin and supporting the arm with his other hand, or walking with his hands behind his back. It was obvious he took art and its imagery very seriously.

I would catch him glancing at me from time to time, eyes focusing on me briefly, but I couldn't discern - or care - if he was gauging whether to steal or deface the work. I made sure he knew I was keeping an eye on him; difficult not to when the desk has a vantage point of the whole small gallery.

He finally made his way to the piece I disliked most, and then to the artist statement. He looked over it carefully, reading each sentence thoroughly. He stood there, hands resting behind his back, almost motionless.

When I glanced at him, the smile he had been wearing had disappeared. A taught line on his lips showed what was either his fight against a frown or a grimace.

He hummed slightly, turning to the desk and putting his hand in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen, unlocking the phone and fiddling with it for a moment. Then he frowned slightly.

"What are your thoughts on the gallery?" He asked coolly, keeping his even and pleasant tone.

"My thoughts?" I pulled my earbuds out and paused my video.

"Yes. I'm curious how this gallery is being received." He pulled up a chair by the table. "Even if you are simply the attendant, you must have your thoughts on this work."

"I suppose it's all right." I tried to match his inflection, failing horribly.

"Oh? Simply all right?" He pressed, smoothing his gloved hands over his portfolio, making me itch to see what was inside again.

"Well, the men seem to like it, for obvious reasons. The women tend to have issues with it for the same reason."

"And you?"

"I... it's generally not my favorite." I look over to the statues in the room. "While I understand each artist has their niche and style, this particular art I'm simply not fond of. The meanings behind the pieces don't resonate or come across, and the color palettes are just not my preferences."

He leaned forward as he listened, crossing one of his legs over the other as he got comfortable.

"Personally the pieces don't generally strike me as story telling or having messages behind them. They seem too... repetitive? Each picture is different, but the formula is exactly the same. Even the compositions seem similar each time."

A smile crossed the mans lips as he looked at me intently.

"Oh, excuse me." I put my fingertips over my mouth and forced a quiet giggle. "I didn't mean to ramble. I'm rather passionate about art. I have issues with too much repetition from artists sometimes, but it's not up to me to discern what's art or not. That's what makes things art, of course."

The man leaned onto the desk, elbow resting gently on it and arm crossed behind his portfolio. His polite smile was back, though something shimmered behind his grey-green eyes. His smile tugged to one side, showing the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes.

"Forgive me, I haven't introduced myself yet." He held out his hand across the table.

I extended my right hand, his leather glove firmly grasping my hand and shaking it. "I'm Rose. Rose Olian."

"I'm Stefano." He said smoothly, a gleam coming to his eye. "Stefano Valentini."

[rohobi]

Serendipity 04 | (M)

pairing— jeon jungkook x reader, friendwithbenefitsAU  genre/warnings— smut, fluff, slight angst, swearing NSFW AT ALL  words—7, 012 ↳ CHAPTERS → CHAPTER 5

chapter 4 summary: ❝O is for Oral❞ A/N: I’m sorry. Also, this is the last part of Serendipity and the following chapters will be called Reciprocity with a more detailed background of both reader and Jungkook. I was originally going to split this into two but thought against it because all of you are hell-dwellers anyway. In any case, happy reading/nutting. 

You haven’t seen Jungkook in two weeks. Which isn’t awfully different from your usual, being two working adults with parents who have exceptionally high expectations for your futures.

But this time, it was different.

You actually kind of miss him.

Jungkook, being the in demand academic, had been pulled into a rip tide of study, pulled under the murky waters of social isolation and into the perils of his education; a last minute assignment and a forgotten seminar on health and architecture that he had to attend. 

And you were left astray, turning to more immaculate reads through pages composed by Malorie Blackman instead of some 34 year old divorced woman discussing a dick drought during golden showers. 

Urban dictionary has this flip a coin feature of being on one side, completely comedic and on the other, bloody disturbing as it’s explanation of that saying has you immediately deleting your search history and leaving the fucking planet.  Humans are disgusting yet, creative and outlandish creatures. 

So in saying that, you hadn’t received any word from Jungkook until this very beautiful Friday evening, 6 hours post-hand in doomsday and 2 hours post-seminar where Jungkook had inhaled their hot horderves to the point of notice and had been kicked out in front of his superiors for excessive eating. 

And who did he call? Ghostbust-

-you. 

In pulling up to the side walk in your BMW, he hadn’t ushered another word about his shovelling adventures but you did ask him how many plates he had eaten when you arrived outside his apartment. 

“How many plates?” He had turned to you, a smirk accentuated by the orange hues of the streetlight. “All of them.”

And you were pleasantly not surprised this time.  

“You should’ve seen my professors face when I was dragged outside the seminar hall. He looked like he regretted ever forcing me to go,” Jungkook says, laying on his back, computer sitting hazardously on his stomach. “Seriously though. The system is fucking bullshit. Fuck them all. I just want to watch mindless movies and feel my brain leak out of my ears. If that’s okay with you.”

“People are dying around the world Jungkook, complain about things that matter,” You stammer. Laying next to Jungkook with a pillow under your knees, and his socks on your feet. You turn up your spotify playlist. “And, excuse you, what brain?”

“Ha ha, you’re so funny.”

“Just watch a korean drama. You’ll waste 2 days of your life binging it and you would’ve lost some brain cells in the process too. I recommend any drama Suzy is in.”

“What have you got against her? She’s so hot,” He snorts, scrolling through his netflix account. “And this is coming from your experience?”

You kick his leg. “She’s the same character in all of her dramas and it’s getting pretty boring. And, do you want to die?”

Grinning sheepishly at you in response, he continues searching through his recommended tv shows, cursor falling short of season 9 Rupaul’s Drag Race.

“Have you seen season 9 of Rupaul’s?” he asks, and you shake your head. “No, not yet.”

Scrolling past it, he says. “I’m not impartial to watching it if you want….”

“Nah not in the mood today.”

“That’s fine. If you don’t love yourself, hell the hell you gon love somebody else.”

He rolls his eyes. 

“Um, hey Jungkook, can I ask you something?” you ask, scooting closer to his side. “Please?”

He nods without looking away from his computer screen. “You just did.”

“Beside that?”

“You just did again.”

You slap his chest. “Can I ask you lots of questions?”

He snickers. “Sure, shoot.”

“Don’t laugh at me but what is fellatio and why do guys beg for it? Is it good?” you ask him and you hate how serious you sound when the next thing that you hear is a condescending rupture of cackles.

“What?” You watch Jungkook choke on his spit before jerking up and coughing. “What did you just fucking ask me?”

Your cheeks heat up. “I was just reading and they were talking about their partners begging for fellatio …it’s gelato right? Unless of course it isn’t …then just ignore me and let’s pretend I never said anything.”

“What makes you think it’s gelato Y/N?”

“Remember when we went to that new gelato place in town and we got their new flavours, you got their staccio and I got their fellatio with crunchy nuts on top?”

Jungkook laughs so loudly, you aren’t sure how to react. “Omg, I can’t believe you,” Ripping off the covers, Jungkook falls onto the floor laughing. You watch him roll around with tears in his eyes. “Fucking fellatio, omg.”

“What?” you ask, “Did I say something dumb again?”

Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he looks up at you on the bed. “Did you mean fragola?”

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I’ve had fellatio before! It was the one with the nuts”

“Are you kidding?” He laughs again. “I mean, you’re right about the nuts part but are you sure you aren’t thinking of pistachio? I don’t know if you’re joking.”

The realisation feels like you’ve been doused in warm water. “…pistachio?”

Jungkook cackles so loudly, he starts coughing again. “I can’t believe you thought fellatio was a type of gelato, you moron! You’re supposed to be a law student???????? How are you this dumb?”  

Sitting up in his bed, you lean against the headboard. “Well, are you going to tell me what it is or not you wanker?”

He wipes the tears away from his eyes. “Fellatio is oral sex Y/N, blow jobs you idiot.”

You make a silent ‘O’ shape with your mouth. “Oh, that makes so much sense. I was wondering why they were talking about techniques with your tongue. They even made a guideline. I didn’t even read it.”

“A guideline? I already sent you a load of information about oral sex?”

You nod. “Yes, but it all makes sense now.”

“For a smart person, you can be really dumb sometimes. And what were your other questions?” Jungkook asks, putting his phone on his side table to give you all of his attention.

“So if it’s not gelato and you haven’t found a movie and you probably won’t …can I do it on you?” You ask it so nonchalantly that Jungkook chokes on his saliva. Coughing into his pillows again, you pat his back. “Jungkook, you okay?”

He nods. “Yeaah, I am ffiinne,” he stutters, clearing his throat. “Just was not expecting that so soon. You want to give me a blow job?”

Hesitantly, you nod. “Right now?”  

“Hell fucking yeah, are you agreeing to have sex with me?”

You hold your hands up in surrender. “I said I’d give you a blow job and you go ahead and speed down the highway of jumping ahead. No Jungkook, just a blow job.”

Jungkook sits up, turning to face you. Grabbing your hands, he looks you straight in the eyes. “Y/N, you realise that if we’re going to do this every now and then, we need to make some rules okay. I don’t want it to feel like I am taking advantage of you.”

“Oh so, you’re in control of this?” Smiling, you say. “I don’t think so. You want to make rules? New Rules? Like… one, don’t pick up the phone …you know he’s only calling because he’s drunk and alone….”

Sitting up, he frowns at you. “Don’t you dare sing that song. Can you please take this seriously for once in your life?”  

Raising your fingers in a peace sign, you serenade him with the song of your people. “Two, don’t let him in you have to kick him out again.”

“Stop singing you butt.”

Pulling his arms with yours, you sing louder. “Three, don’t be his friend you know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning and if you’re under him, you ain’t get-ting over him. I got new rule-

Slapping a hand over your mouth, Jungkook pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “You’re a fucking cliche Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Is it a cliche because it works or because you feel threatened by my amazing talent?”

“I would hardly call that amazing,” he objects. “By rules, I mean, to keep you safe and to keep me safe. If we were to do this, it could become unhealthy. Almost all friends with benefits relationships don’t end well.”

You slap his hands away from yours. “Someone gets attached and if you think that is going to be me, I’m sorry to tell you first that I have a deep and intricate relationship with your netflix account only, not you. I’ve seen all the movies Jungkook I know all the possible endings, like-

“You’re going on a tangent Y/N, just sto-

“-you could get me pregnant or I drown you in the bathtub.”

Staring at you in horror, he sighs. “Rightio …which part of your small brain did that come out of.”

You smirk. “The same part that remembers when you used to like wearing my makeup and being called princess.”

“Okay,” clearing his throat, he holds his chin in a vice grip. “Let’s make some rules. First rule: Good communication. We tell each other what we’re feeling even if we think it’s stupid. Sound good?”

You hold your hand up to high five him. “Yasss boi, communication is the key to all good and healthy relationships.” He high fives you back. “Rule 2: Purpose. Sex is only happening if it’s for an educational purpose, for example, you think fellatio is a type of gelato and I want to show you why it definitely is not.”

You pout. “Fuck you, it sounds like a type of gelato though.” “It does but only you would think it actually is. Rule 3: No sleepovers after sex. I love having you stay over but it would make me confused if I were to wake up and you had your arms and legs all over me indisposed. So only sleep over if we’re watching Stranger Things or something.

You blush at the thought. “Rule 4: Reciprocity. You do for me what I’ll do for you. If you want to stick a plug in my ass, I’m sticking one in yours. And, we only sleep with each other. We want to keep this both emotionally and physically safe, I don’t want to use condoms if I know you’re on the pill and that we’re both free from sexually transmitted infections. Again, this is a recipe for an emotional disaster.”

You hold your finger up in the air. “And we both know that you’re a horrible cook.”

Frowning he shakes your comment away. “Those rules sound good?”

“Aren’t you going to say, Rule 5: No one falls in love with each other or this thing is over?”

“I’m not going to police your emotions and I hope you don’t police mine either. We are two consenting adults and we communicate together, if that’s something that ends up happening, we’ll deal with it then. Sound good?”

Sitting in front of him with your legs crossed, you push out your hand to shake. “Sounds exceptionally mature of you Jeon Jungkook.”

He puts his hand into yours. “So, to summarise this relationship. You can do whatever you want with me so long as I can do it back to you. You’re uncomfortable with something? Me too. I am uncomfortable with something, so are you.”

Tightening your grip on his hand, you grin. “It’s a deal. Want to start tonight?”

The smile that crawls across his face, is a one you haven’t seen before. It’s a mix between being given an early christmas present and wanting to steal your neighbor’s gopro when they’re on vacation. “Sure,” says, laying back down. “Ladies first.”  

“First to what?”

He laughs softly. “I’m going to eat you out first, ladies first.”

“Ew. Can you not say it like that you ugly mole rat?”

Jumping out of bed, he rips off his shirt before jumping on you. He falls on your knees, trying to wiggle himself between you legs.

“Um, Jungkook?”

“What?”

You push him away from you. “Ya girl is having a shower first. There’s things a lady needs to prepare okay?”

Jungkook groans before rolling back onto his side of the bed. “Well, will you hurry up then. It’s past midnight and I want to sneak an episode of something in.”

“Oh shut up, I need to prepare myself physically and mentally. I’ll be right back.” you snap. Jungkook doesn’t say anything as he watches you storm off towards the bathroom.

And he doesn’t say anything for the half an hour you take in the shower. He all but strips naked and starts watching the pilot episode of Dark while you do acrobats in the shower trying to get a perfect landing strip with his razor.

He doesn’t even notice you come back into the room until a slippers been thrown at his face when he feels the bed dip.

“Don’t fucking look! I’m moisturising my legs!” you shout, throwing your other slipper at his face. “Give me some privacy.”

“I wasn’t even looking at you and you’ve taken so long that I’m nearly finished this episode.” He grits his teeth, closing his computer and putting it on his bed side table.

“I won’t be long, I just want to make sure everything is right.” you whisper, moisturizing your neck.

Groaning behind you, he falls back into the bed sheets. “Stop being high maintenance, you always smell nice to me.”

“Who the hell said I was doing this for you?”

Turning to face you, he watches you dry the ends of your hair with the corners of his towel before letting the strands dangle down your back. You were wrapped in one of his old white towels sitting at the end of the bed.

“I’m just waiting for my legs to be dry now okay? I don’t understand why you’re in a hurry. Good things take time.” you mutter, feeling nervous. You had shaved your pubic area in the shower and had shaven a nice landing strip before your neck got cramped and then you sat on the shower box asking yourself why you even bothered with your pubes.

You’re a woman. Women have hair.

“Okay, I’m ready. How do you want me?” you say, turning to look at him over your shoulder.

“In the bed beside me please.”

“Your manners are sure nice, why can’t you be like this all the time?” Standing up, you slowly drop your towel down your body. You can tell Jungkook watched every inch of that towel disappear from your body, how could you not, you could feel his eyes scour down your body like two probes.

“Damn,” he whistles.

Ugh. You weren’t even trying to be sexy, just efficient.  

Slowly turning around, Jungkook stares wide eyed at your body. You cover your breasts, insecure of what he might think of them. “Can I wear a shirt?”

Jungkook stutters. “N-no, ggeett in. It’ll be too hot for a shirt.” Jungkook doesn’t know where to look. He hadn’t expected your body to be so feminine.

Walking to your side of his bed, you slip under the sheets, one hand still covering your boobs. “Would you stop staring at me? You’re making me feel insecure.”

Laying on his side, he smiles softly. “You really shouldn’t be because damn girl, you have a nice ass.”

“And it’s off limits Jungkook. Thanks though.”

“For now,” he laughs. “And, you’re welcome.”

An awkward silence hangs between you before you lean over to the bedside table and press play on the playlist you had been listening to in the shower. It hums softly on Jungkook’s speaker, filling the silence between you. Jungkook leans onto his side to turn off the lamp and turn on the fairy lights wrapped around his curtains.

The silence hovers uncomfortably as you grip the sheets up to your chin. You hadn’t thought of this part. Who makes the first move here? Do I? Should I just lean over and tickle his chin or something.

“Y/N,” he whispers, leaning his head on his arm beside you, face hovering above your. “You okay?”

You nod. Please make the first move, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Jungkook closes his eyes, feeling suddenly intoxicated by the smell of your passion fruit shampoo. It was his favourite, something he wouldn’t tell you on a normal basis but one he remembered to buy every time he shopped just in case you stayed over. He had used it before but it had only ever smelt good when it was on you.

Collapsing on top of you, he digs his face into your neck. “God, you smell so good, what the hell.”

You laugh as your rub his bare back. “Didn’t know this was apart of our agreement.”  

Pulling away from your neck, he stares down at you. There are no words for the feeling he suddenly has but other than the feeling of electricity tingling beneath his skin, he feels comfortable.

And all he knows is that he wants to kiss you.

“Didn’t know you being a smart ass was apart of the agreement either, but here we are?” he whispers, brushing his nose against yours. Filling the small space between you, he slides his soft lips over your warm ones without warning. You relax underneath him when he cups your cheek tenderly.

Separated by the thin layer of folded sheet, you can feel his cock begin to harden against your pubic bone.

Running your hands down his bare back, you imagine what Jungkook would look like with back tattoos. You didn’t want to tell him but ever since you saw him shirtless 4 months ago, you wanted to pin him down and tattoo a dragon on his back and across his shoulder blades. Nothing says sex appeal like muscles and tattoos. At the time, the morally good part of your brain shook that one right out of the nest and you decided that maybe just manipulating him at a later date would be more conventional. Jungkook remains on the fence with that idea.

Brushing his nose against yours, he tilts his head to deepen the kiss and if there is one thing you like about Jungkook, it’s the way his mouth is shaped and how you think his lips fit into yours like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. It’s a lame piece of poetry but when something feels right, it might just be right.

Jungkook begins to kiss the hell out of you. You aren’t sure what he’s thinking about or what’s gotten into him but you refuse to french kiss him when you know he hasn’t brushed his teeth. You can already smell his morning breath and it’s enough to make you reconsider this whole thing.

So when Jungkook tries to stick his tongue into your mouth, the most you do is suck on his tongue and then push it back into his mouth while clamping your lips shut. Shops closed Jungkook, I’m not taking any customers at this present time. Please come again at a later date when you learn what a toothbrush is.

“Jeon,” Angling his face, he kisses across your cheek, latching his mouth onto the skin behind your ear. “Why do neck kisses feel so good? It makes my fanny feel like a fire hydrant.”

He laughs against your neck. “What? I’m serious, you just kiss my neck and pow, I’m ready to do the boom boom.”

“I’ve only kissed your neck like once, who else has kissed you here enough for you to think that?”

You shrug. “Irene Bae in 7 minutes of Heaven at Taehyung’s party last year.”

“Wait,” He hovers above your head for a second. “You and Irene? Did you guys do anything else…”

You look at him in thought. “We just kissed, she tried to do things but yeah …I’m not interested in women.”

Jungkook looks at you in new found interest. “Did you guys use tongue? Was it super hot?”

“Not really, I had too much too drink and vomited all over her.”

“Are you serious?”

You stare in disbelief at him. “Of course not. We made out like normal people, admittedly, there was a lot of tongue I think but yeah, you’re still the best kisser I’ve ever had, now keep kissing my neck.”

You turn your head away, allowing him to work his magic against your neck. You don’t give two shits if he gives you hickies, you wore turtlenecks on the regular anyway.

Jungkook returns his lips to your neck, slowly dragging them across your sensitive skin. “Hey,” you moan, feeling it ripple desperately from the bottom of your throat when he rolls his tongue over your pulse points. “That feels so good.”

You can feel his growing erection against you as he grinds softly into you. Rubbing your feet together at the feeling of electricity, you’re embarrassingly wet already and you hate it.

Jungkook presses kisses down your neck, to over your collarbone before grabbing one of your breasts and lightly squeezing. Kissing around your areolar, he flicks his tongue over your nipple.

You slap his hand away. “Hey, what are you doing with my boobs.”

He looks up at you, tongue still touching your nipple before he quips “Relax hagrid, it will feel good.”

Latching his mouth over your nipple, he rolls his tongue and boy be damned. It actually feels good. Weaving your fingers through his hair, you hold him close to your chest.

When you were 14 years old, you had watched this film called Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging and you and your friends had sat on your hands for 10 minutes before fondling your own boobs. Jungkook had been on the end of the couch, completely confused as he tried to fondle the skin of his own chest.  Sure, it felt like someone else but when someone else actually touched you, nothing else compared.

And the feeling flowed straight down to your groin.

Lowering himself, Jungkook grinds his cock through your folds and the feeling is like electricity striking you down and melting you against the bedsheets. That’s a pretty shitty metaphor but there’s no other way to describe it for you, it just feels so good.

Scratching down his back, you open your legs wider for him. “Jungkook, I’m so wet, I’m sorry.”

He ignores you, as he grinds into you harder.

You wrap your feet around his waist, moving your hips against his. “Oh shit, not this again,” He bites into your shoulder, sensually rolling his hips against yours. “Jungkook, we need to reconvene, I’m too hot and you’re not eating me out and at this rate, we’ll have sex because your dingaling feels so good rubbing against me like that, that I’m very close to saying fuck this all and sitting on it. I want you but not like this.”

Jungkook moans loudly at your words, gradually halting his hips. “You make me feel like a 16 year old boy, I’m so close to coming already.”

“God, ew.”

Pushing him off of you, he falls into the sheets beside you. Perspiration drips down his forehead as he pants.  His erection stands at attention, pre-cum already leaking out of his slit. “You have a filthy mouth Y/N, a filthy goddamn mouth.”

Ignoring him, you gasp. “Christ, what is wrong with my vagina.” Looking under the sheet, you frown at just how wet you had become. “Hey, how about I get you off first?”

Putting his hands underneath his head, he whispers. “I’m not against that. Do as you please boss.”

Sitting up, you rustle beneath the sheets, sitting between Jungkook’s thighs. “You aren’t going to like that I’m going to take it slow so remember to take some deep breaths okay?”

With his eyes closed, he nods. “Did you want me to talk you through it?”

“Only if you think I’m doing a shit job.”

He whispers. “You won’t, but I can make you the queen of blow jobs if you want?”

“Fuck off Jungkook, i’m only doing this once.” Rolling your eyes, you lay down between his legs. You’ve always imagined being that person who takes it slow but considering how quickly you get turned on, you don’t think you’d ever have the patience.

Taking a deep breath, you start slow. “I’m just gonna get to know your body okay?”

He hums his response. “As you wish.”

Kissing the area above his knee, you press soft kisses up to his inner thigh. Jungkook hums with approval already feeling skittish when your hot breath hits his balls.

Caressing his thighs, you ask. “Can I suck on your balls? You can say no.”

“Fuck yeah, do whatever you want. Why would I say no to that.”

“I don’t fucking know. You were the one that emphasised asking because consent is important.” Kissing around his penis, you press open mouth kisses on his balls, taking each one into your mouth and sucking. You’re cringing as you do it because not only does he smell bad but because you’re so goddamn close to his butthole and you aren’t ready for that yet.

The reaction from Jungkook is explosive as he jerks against your face. “YoU’VE DONE THIS BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK.”

You cower at his expression. “Username Davidismydick94 told me to never neglect the huevos.”

Falling back onto his pillow, he says. “Well thank you Davidismydick94.”

“Can I continue…?”

“All night long.” he whispers and you lean back in. Pressing your fingertips on the underside of his cock, you lightly run your finger tips over the veins of his penis. It’s the first time you’ve been able to look at his penis in the eye but it’s enough to notice the slight curvature of it and the protruding ridges you think might feel good inside of you.

“What are you doing?” Jungkook asks, leaning up on his elbows to watch you. “Are you teasing me?”

“Are veins good or bad on a penis?”

He looks at you with an alarmed expression. “Why? are they ugly?”

You look up at him before wrapping your fingers around the base of his cock and using the tip of your tongue to lick his up his veins. “Not at all. I like it, very sexy like your arms.”

Flattening your tongue, you don’t stray from his eye contact when you lick from the underside of his balls to the tip of his leaking head. His eyes are hazy from the feeling of your wet hot tongue and his heart is pounding at the innocent doe of your eyes.

“Jesus.” he moans.

“Why are you thinking of a man when I’m licking your balls?” you ask, blowing hot air on his balls. “Got something to tell me?”

“Says the one on her knees.”

“Touche and hell no am I trying to make you soft, getting you hard again would give me neck strain.” Swiping your tongue across the tip of his cock, Jungkook hisses at the feeling.

You focus your mouth on the tip as you hold the shaft with both hands. You’re confused but you don’t want to admit it. “How the fuck do I …do I just shove it in my mouth and suck on it?”

“Basically.” he replies.

“Well okay,” you reluctantly, open your mouth taking him in until your nose hits your fingers. Sucking, you hollow your cheeks before bravely moving your head down on him like how the movies do it. You massage his shaft with your tongue as you do it and Jungkook hums as you do it.  

“Oh fuck.” he whimpers.

Taking your mouth off of him with a pop, you begin pumping his shaft as you lick down to his balls again, sucking on them gently. “Y/N, seriously fucking hell. You’re doing so well baby, so well.”

Licking back up to his head, you suck on him again, bobbing up and down to a nice rhythm. You’re thinking about what food to eat after this and why blow jobs are called blow jobs if you’re sucking on and it not blowing, when Jungkook moans your name loudly, pushing on your head to take more of him in. Sinking down to the base of his cock so your nose hits his pubic bone, his dick painfully hits the back of your throat.

“Oh fuck, your mouth feels so fucking insane, so good, so fucking good.” Tangling his fingers in your hair, he fucks into your mouth.

You continue to bob up and down his shaft and for a terrifying second, you think you might vomit on his dick.

Abort. Abort. Abort.  

Quickly returning your hand to the base of his cock, you continue to safely massage your tongue around his head. Keeping a nice rhythm, you pump his shaft while sucking on the tip.

“Use your tongue. Like you’re sucking on your thumb, try that.” He suggests and you do exactly that.

He quivers against you, feeling a desperate need to fuck your mouth again. “I want to fuck your mouth so badly. Can I?”

Pumping him harder and faster, you stammer. “No way on this planet will you be fucking into my mouth again Jeon. I will vomit on your dick.”

“I don’t care what you do baby, you’re so damn beautiful when you do anything.”

You cringe at that. “So bloody entitled.”

Rolling your eyes, you lower your mouth to swallow him down to your fist. You feel comfortable with this as you let him thrust into your mouth. You never signed up for this amount of exercise and your body was beginning to ache at the effort but if you just lay like this and let him do all the work, it still counts right? Pulling a leg over Jungkook’s leg, you grind against his leg, desperate for some form of friction as you suck on his dick.

“Fuck, Y/N. I want to cum.” he chokes. He sounds like he’s tethering across a threshold and everything inside of you just wants to push him off already, no matter how insanely fucking sexy he sounds moaning your name.

Jungkook looks like a mess. You’ve never seen him so desperate to cum in his life. Then again, you haven’t seen him desperate to cum before.

He whines, stuttering his hips.

“I think I’m going to cum.” he says, wrapping your hair up into a ponytail and pulling tightly on it. You hum around his cock and Jungkook moans loudly, making you grind harder against him.

Removing your hand, you take him in as he thrusts down your throat. In a perfect world that wouldn’t be painful but as tears fall down your face, you can’t wait for this to be over.

“I’m going to cum. I’m coming.”  

He tries to take his cock out of your mouth, but you slap him away, letting him finish in your mouth. He doesn’t deserve it but you know for a fact Jungkook would cum on your face if you didn’t.

He’s moaning recklessly before he cums down your throat and you’re goddamn thankful you didn’t eat before this because the taste of Jungkook’s abandoned children is not one compatible with the residual afternoon food in your stomach.

Falling into the sheets, he twitches in oversensitivity when you pull your mouth off with a pop. Patting his shaft goodbye, you roll over Jungkook’s leg to climb into the sheets beside him. Your heart’s pounding and you think you can hear Jungkook’s heart pounding too as he lifelessly lays beside you.

“You okay?” you ask.

Jungkook turns to you. “You’ve got cum on your face.” Wiping your face with the back of your thumb, you suck the residue off your finger. All Jungkook can do is stare at you as you do it.

“Why did you let me cum in your mouth? Not many girls like doing that?”

You roll your eyes, didn’t he want a compliment or something? “I can see why they wouldn’t. Did you know that you’re cum tastes fucking awful. I can already feel my blood pressure rising from how salty it was.”

“Really?”

You watch insecurity wash over his face. “Why are you looking at me like I kicked your dog?” 

“Does it really taste bad…”  “It just tastes …different from the inside of a kinder surprise is all,” you smile, trying to reassure him. “I swallowed because I read in this random academic text that semen was full of protein and I think I’m deficient because I keep saying really dumb things so I thought, why not two birds with one stone.”  

He laughs before turning on his back. “Man, I’m pooped. I’m glad you got off too though, I nearly blew my load when I felt you grind your clit against my leg.”

“Who said I got off? You moved your leg when I was about to. Don’t judge me, I just like it when you moan and I needed some good o’l friction on me private parts, your leg was all I could reach. You sound so hot right before you cum by the way. I feel good about myself when you’re vocal when it feels good.” you admit, smiling at the ceiling.

“Speaking of,” Jungkook grins, before jumping between your legs. Grabbing his duvet, he pulls it over his back, before settling on his stomach between your thighs. “Rule 4: Reciprocacy. My turn.”

“You don’t have to Jungkook, seriously,” you push his sweaty head away from you. “It’s okay.”

He shakes his head. “No, I want to. I want you to feel just as good as you made me.”

“Fine,” you sigh, grabbing his pillow, you put it under your knees for him. There’s a moment of pure silence as Jungkook stares at your lady flower.

“What are you doing?” you ask, unable to decipher the look on his face. “Jungkook, why do I feel like I’m getting my pap smear?”

“Please don’t take offence to what I am about to say,” Jungkook looks up, staring at you. “But did you shave your vagina for me?”

Your cheeks glow red. “What? The vagina is the entrance, you know, the inside of the pink part.”

“You know what I mean,” he says, running a finger through your labia and over your clit. It makes you jolt. “But you did right?”

“I tried my best. I didn’t know if you liked pubes or not and frankly, I don’t give a fuck if you do or not. I wanted to be neat and fresh for myself and if you don’t want to eat me out because of my hair than you’re already missing out because she’s-”

“-shut up, will you. It’s your pussy, your rules. Just, be you and that is all I can ask for.” he smiles up at you and you cower away from his expression.

It was too intimate.

His hands were hot. Two furnaces as he pressed his palms on knees, slowly caressing up the soft skin of your thighs. Leaning his chin on the pillow half way under your ass, he presses soft kisses on your pubic area -much like how you did to him.

Pulling your legs wider, he plants your feet outside of his shoulders. Making himself more comfortable. “Yeah go on, make yourself at home down there.”

“I plan to,” he admits. “You smell good.”

“Those comments make me feel awkward.” 

Shoving a fist in your mouth, you whimper against your knuckles as he tenderly kisses just above your slit. “Don’t be.” 

Dipping his tongue between your folds, he cups his mouth around the top of your slit, pushing his tongue against the hood of your clit.

“Oh good lord,” you whisper. He repeats the movements of his tongue in figure 8s when your hands fly to his hair as you quiver beneath him. You like this image, his head between your thighs, his large hands around your thighs. “Right there, keeping doing that thing. Spell out Micky Mouse or something.” 

Rolling his tongue up and down, you buck your hips against his mouth in a loud half whimper half meow. Obviously, you hadn’t expected to make such a noise and when Jungkook looks up at you with your juices glistening on his chin, you get embarrassed immediately at that stupid look on his face. 

He grins. “What was that?”

“No idea,” Biting your lip, you shake your head as you look left and right. “Wasn’t me.”

Smiling in amusement, he adjusts your legs, so each one sits on his shoulders now. With both hands gripping your thighs, he dives back in. It’s more passionate now, he wants you to finish just as good as you did to him. 

You stare at the ceiling, never wanting this feeling to stop. It feels like you’re breaking and you don’t ever want to get fixed if this is how good it feels being broken. 

He licks every part of you in every pattern and motion your brain can be bothered to form in your mind. If you focus hard enough, you think he might be spelling out his name but who knows, who cares anyway.

“Jungkook.” you moan, closing your eyes. Sucking your labia into his mouth, he twirls his tongue all over it, trying to find the spots that make you moan the loudest.

He growls when you whimper his name again.

Arching your back off the bed at a particular spot, he tilts his head to the side, bringing your lips into his. Gently sliding his tongue all over it. He looks up at you, eyes clenched closed, hands grippin the sheets for dear life. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen and his heart fucking implodes at the sight. 

Flattening his tongue again, he dips his tongue between your folds. Incoherent high pitched moans flutter aimlessly from your lips, slipping past the fist you shoved into you mouth trying to make yourself shut up.

“Does this feel good?” he asks, and you shove his head back as a response. 

“Of course it does.” you whimper, biting down hard on your bottom lip.  Using his other hand, he trails his finger down your clit. “Can I finger you?”

“Like, put your fingers in my vagina?”

“Yes.”  

“Be my guest homeboy.”

Slowly pushing in his index finger into your entrance, you quiver at the weird feeling as he pumps into you. Keeping a rhythm with his tongue, he suddenly flattens it, you grind your hips against his wide flat tongue as he inserts another finger into you.

“Shit, that’s a weird feeling.”

“Is it bad?” he asks.

You shake your head. “Nope, it’s a good kind of weird.”

Hooking his fingers up inside you, he slowly pumps into you with a smile on his face. It’s messy and it’s loud and you’re thankful that you put on music because you’re so wet and the sound is gross and you don’t want to remember it when you wake up from this stupor.   Leaning forward, he moans as he covers your clit with his mouth, sucking on it gently. Massaging your g spot, he pumps his fingers into you faster and harder as he licks, feeling your walls clamp down on his finger. God, you’re so tight. He can only imagine how you might feel when he pounds you into his sheets and even that thought is enough to make him hard again.

“I think I’m going to cum. I think.” you choke, becoming restless beneath him.

Jungkook groans against you as you whine, bucking your hips against his face. Using his thumb to massage your clit, he thanks the heavens for his gamer fingers as he pulls his fingers into a “come here” expression inside of you. He puts all of his energy into doing that quick and hard inside of you as he watches your hands grabs out to your breasts, squeezing them for dear life.

“You close? God, you look amazing.” he says, rubbing the pad of his thumb over your clit. You pant, feeling your orgasm sneak up behind you. You’re so close you can feel it breathe down your neck.

“If this is what you’re like with my fingers, oh man, I want to fuck you so hard, you’ll see stars.”

“Jungkook you fuck.” you scream, arching your back as high as you can, reaching a blinding white peak of your high. You quiver underneath him as he removes his fingers, gently suckling on your clit. 

You whimper his name again, writhing beneath him as you cum on his face.

Falling back to the bed, your thighs shake as Jungkook laps at your juices. Feeling oversensitive and gross, you languidly push him away. 

You’re still on that high when he pushes himself off the bed, standing up to grab one of his clean basketball shirts.

Wiping your thighs, he licks his lips as you watch him through tired eyes. You’re still panting. Your heart is still racing. And your groin is still recovering.

Falling onto his side of the bed, he says. “I’ll let you stay over just because I know how wrecked you are but if you fuck me up tomorrow morning, just know that it was because you stayed and broke the rule.”

Punching his arm, you frown heavily at the brown haired boy. “Shut the fuck up Jungkook, don’t ruin this for me.”

“Did it feel goood?”

You nod. “More than good. I think I just had my first orgasm. I mean, I don’t know if I did but yes, it felt really really good.”

“You had an orgasm?” Raising his eyebrows, he pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “Well, I am that good.”

“Fuck, you can’t be humble for even a second of your life,” you twist yourself out of his bedsheets, sitting up on the side of the bed. “I’m getting an uber.”

“Hey,” he asks, sitting up behind you. Placing little kisses over your shoulder blade, he whispers into your skin. “It’s late, just stay here. We can have cold pizza in the morning and we can make out in the shower.”

“As much as I like the sound of that idea …I’m going to pass on that,” grabbing your phone, you open up the uber app. “I like kissing you and if you keep doing it, I’m going to want to do it all the time.”

“Really?” he asks, leaning his chin on the junction between your head and your neck.

You nod.

“I’m fine with that.” Jungkook slaps your phone out of your hand and you watch it fall to the floor before you could even confirm your pick up destination. Pulling you back to the mattress and against his chest, he quickly grabs the blanket and throws it over you both.

“You’re staying,” he whispers, rubbing his nose against your cheek. You turn to him, rubbing your nose against his. “Oh my god Jungkook, you were the one who made the rules. What are you doing?”

You can feel him smile before he closes the space to kiss you. “Rules were meant to be broken anyway.”

“Oh for fuck sake Jeon. Get your shit together.”

[jonesywrites]

Hey, I love your writing! I think I've consumed everything at this point. Do you have any favorite stories you can recommend? I may have blasted through all the fic updates of my own faves and just looking to see if people are reading stuff I might have missed. Looking forward to your next updates! No pressure!

Anon!

First, I am so very sorry it’s taken me so damn long to answer this. 

I actually did answer it - I wrote a very long, very beautifully gif’d post and then accidentally scrolled left on this stupid macbook and I lost the entire fucking thing and I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window.

::calming breaths::

Let us pray that doesn’t happen again this time (I am a klutz, so it’s a definite possibility). Secondly, I decided that now is the perfect time to recreate this answer because a) there are some goddamned talented ass writers out there killing the game rn, b) there are also haters out there trying to steal our joy rn and not only is it not going to work, I think now is a good time to spread the love as far and wide through Richonne as possible, so reblog the shit out of this and get reading if you haven’t already and c) I don’t have time to write the way I want at the moment so I hope this makes up for it.

I also really really need a list I can return to b/c I signed up to read a lot and am still verrry slowly getting through it.

So! Here goes…

Current Favorite Richonne fics…!

1. Round After Round by @nattah-gudgrrl

ZA Canon - Rick and Michonne after 6x10, being domestic and sexy af, round after round.

Holy crap, Anon. I was hooked from the first few words. I’m not finished yet, but this is incredibly sexy and beautifully well-written. Nattah’s writing is hypnotic and poetic. She drops precious gems throughout each chapter with her words, the way she phrases things is so original and addictive. Rick and Michonne are pitch perfect, but so is everyone else (and she’s hilarious, btw). She includes music to score her amazing writing, and trust me, listening to her suggested tracks while reading will only suck you deeper into the tantalizing atmosphere she’s created with these two. AND THE SMUT. HOLY SHIT. Prepare yourself. I love opening up to a chapter and letting myself fall. I almost feel like I need to smoke a joint, turn out the lights, and close my door reading this, no joke. (no seriously, i’m not joking, be alone b/c you will feel thangs down there)

2. Musings of Rick Grimes by @nyese3529

NonZA AU - Rick as a NYC photographer slowly falling head over heels for a charismatic college student Michonne as she becomes his muse.

OKAY. I’m not sure anything I say here will do this amazing piece of fanfiction justice. I’m not even caught up, but the chapters I have read so far are PURE FIRE. Nyese is a master at unfolding a real, atmospheric, moody, sexy, intense, and totally riveting Rick and Michonne for us to fall in love with from the start. Rick’s attraction to Michonne leaps off the page, as does she. She is so damn cute and sexy and seeing her through Rick’s eyes the way Nyese has written them is just to die for. Nyese also NAILS New York City life, especially as a southern transplant and artist (I feel you Rick) AND as a young, gifted black woman looking to make a difference while everyone else covets her light (I feel you Michonne). It’s a beautiful read, and I encourage you to ASAP. The smut is off the chain, as in every fucking moment of it had me squirming around wishing I had me a Rick Grimes here in NYC damn you Nyese you’ve ruined me!

3. The Art of Control by @avintagekiss24

NonZA AU - Rick as a sexy, wealthy contractor Dom and Michonne the comic book shop/cafe owner as his sub in Atlanta (bonus: featuring probably the best version of Maggie I have ever read)

GOTDAMN. Let me tell you something. THIS IS THE SEXIEST RICK GRIMES OF ALL TIME FOR ME. Every fucking word Miss Kiss wrote for him to utter had my panties wet and my brow sweating, do you hear me? This fic is hot as fuck. Even before Rick Grimes shows up in the story, I was feeling hot and bothered about his mere existence, just like Michonne. The way Miss Kiss writes the buildup throughout their relationship is simply riveting. She’s a very visual writer, just like Nyese, so I can see, taste, feel, and ground myself in this stunning world of money, undeniable attraction and absolutely delicious sex. AND DID I MENTION HER MAGGIE IS SEXY AF, FUNNY AF, NAUGHTY AF, AND GODDAMN IT I WOULD SO BE HER PLAYTHING?? The plot is really good, too, like really good. Screw 50 Shades of Garbage. Miss Kiss’s sub!Michonne and Dom!Rick Grimes are what you want, what you need, what you deserve. Go forth, and savor every moment of this. In fact, I need to catch up, myself. Hell yeah.

4. Sirens of the ZA, by @isisnicole

ZA AU - Michonne and her two sisters, fierce, trained fighters, find and protect Carl. Richonne begins to develop once Carl is finally reunited with Rick three years later.

Sigh, I love this fic. Miss Isis hooked me with her stellar opening, and the plot just got more and more compelling the more I read. Carl is still very Carl, but he’s got that “loved, protected, and taught to survive by three amazing black women” vibe to him that makes my heart melt. Ila, Luna, and especially Michonne are just everything in this. EVERYTHING. Their relationship is tight af, they keep it real, they are badass warriors (trained, medal-winning warriors, mind) and even though your heart yearns for Rick and Carl to reunite and for Richonne to soar, you cannot help but fall in love with the family dynamic that Miss Isis has written for them with Carl. The tension between Rick and Michonne is even more intense in this than in canon when they first meet, I’d say, but deliciously so. And once they both start to realize the business, it’s time to pull out the popcorn because the buildup is sooooo good. And did I mention an alive Shane and Merle, also written so well you kinda sorta forget they didn’t make it in canon? Yeah. Read this.

5. Red Dirt Road by @siancore

NonZA AU - Young!Richonne in southern af King County, Georgia, teenagers that fall in love one summer along a red, dirt road.

Honestly, this fic is just perfect. The world is real. I can smell the dirt. I can feel the heat. Rick in this is juuuuuuuust….! He’s everything we think of when we think of a teenaged Rick (but not underage of course). Kind, responsible, stoic, patient, respectful, and sexy. Michonne is a vessel for us all, transporting us back in time to when we went to our grandmama’s house and she bossed us while loving us like nobody else could. The whole gang is there and they’re all written to perfection, especially Shane. He’s as shady and selfish and yet completely charismatic as you’d expect a young Shane to be. The story is so sweet and the pacing is comfortable, fun, and easy, just like those summers we spent messing around with our friends, falling in love, learning to drive, staying out after curfew. I adore Sian’s writing and this is by far my all-time favorite of hers right now. It’s a must, must read! 

To Continue Reading, So Help Me…!

1. HALO, by leeeel

Holy smokes. I have only read chapter one so far and it is absolutely amazing. AMAZING. I reeeeaalllyy need to get back into this one. Rick and Michonne meet under dire circumstances, and the mystery begins. The writing transports you, and I actually got chills reading this. CHILLS.

2. Deception by @severelybabykryptonite

YO. I HIGH KEY LOVE “THE BODYGUARD” AND THIS IS THE RICHONNE VERSION AND IT IS EVERYTHING. Rick as a no-nonsense bodyguard to Michonne’s sexy, vulnerable star is a dream come true. I really need to catch up on this one, it’s just so good and it’s visual and it makes my geeky movie+Richonne loving heart soar. 

3. The Day I Met You, by @chezza3009

I almost don’t know how to describe this one. It’s dark. It’s riveting. It’s nothing like I’ve ever read in Richonne before. Rick and Michonne in the aftermath of an affair that leaves Michonne devastated and Rick a mess. I don’t recognize this version of Michonne or Rick, but then I need to continue reading. What I’ve read so far makes me very, very intrigued by this story. And it shall have my undivided attention ASAP.

4. The Beginning, by @vegasloversteel

Once again, Vegaslover has an uncanny ability to hook you with great story telling, dialogue that flows like “how is she doing this??” and chemistry between Rick and Michonne that vibrates off the page. Richonne is hot hot hot in this. Set in their college years with a great plot and fun with all your faves. Gotta catch up!

5. Palm Trees, by @cake-by-thepound

I AM SO UPSET I CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN ANY OF THE JUICY FIC TALK GOING ON ABOUT THIS STORY RN. Arrrrgggh the spoilers I’ve seen alone are killing me not so softly. I just loooove the way Cake writes Richonne’s worlds. Rich, grounded, dramatic but in a real, honest-to-goodness “that could totally happen to me” way that makes me want to stand up and cheer. I know this is going to be a beautiful ride, so far everything I’ve read is perfection, as usual, so I’m really looking forward to the day I am finally caught up and I can (too late, of course) dip into the forums and be like “GURL. BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT PART WHEN…” 

You Thought I Was Done? LOL.

These are the stories I haven’t gotten to yet, but that are also on my list. I’ve heard nothing but good things and I am hoping to get to them soon!

Right Where We’re Supposed to Be by @tigerwalk3 - I’ve read her mini-fic Sparklers and I cannot wait to dive into this one. Her characterization alone is amazing, and the way she puts phrases and details together makes me low key jealous.

Honey Bees by @cranesinthe-sky - I don’t get enough Michonne and Judith in my fandom diet and I’ve heard some really awesome things about this one. I’ve heard nothing but praise for Lady Cranes’ writing, so I’m excited!

The TWD Chronicles by @yellehughes - I read Yelle’s Richonne Secret Fantasy fic and loved it, and I actually feel rather ashamed that I haven’t gone back to dive into this epic Olympian take on Richonne!! Allow me to correct this, with the quickness. 

The Hunter of Screams, by @codename-me - I started this, and holy crap is it amazing so far. Like me, Lady Codename has a thing for sci-fi and fantasy, and her writing is rich and detailed and visual, which totally turns me on. 

The End of Wanting, by @glowysweetfab​ - I have started this, and love this period AU, it’s immersive and the plot is so interesting I’m not even all that fussed to get to the romance bits (well that’s a lie, of course I’m trolling for smut but I’m really enjoying the ride).

Honestly, there are so many more stories I have favorited/followed that it would take me all night to list them all here. But I will do more posts like these as I finish fics and move on to others, it’s important to me to show the same support for all of these amazingly talented writers that they have shown to me, and to spread as much positivity as possible because they deserve it. 

This fandom is chock a block full of major talent, huge hearts, astonishing intellect, and abundant passion. No one can deny that, and anyone who does is lying. 

READ AND WRITE ON, RICHONNERS!!!!

Thanks for the ask, Anon! 

-Kendra

P.S. I promise I will get back to updating as soon as I can. I’m in the middle of preparing myself to move across the country and transition to a new career. But my beloved fics are always on my mind, and boy do I have such glorious Richonne in store for you! Thanks for sticking with me! I promise you won’t regret adding a few of these ladies to your reading list, either, if you haven’t already. 

[kjammofficial]

OP from FB

So apart from watching youtube videos and sharing some reshared content on facebook, I haven't actually been socially active lately.

My messenger is blowing up and I haven't responded to a lot of messages. So, it's not that I'm not replying to you. I'm not replying to EVERYONE. Apart from asking some recommendations and replying to some pages who I need to get in touch with since I have a transaction with them. Other than that, anything else that's personal has just been lying around in my inbox.

Anyway, I've been pretty much out for the count, especially after what happened last time. I'm still pretty bummed out by it so I'm trying my best not to pass on my shit to anybody else. This is definitely going to be a looong ass extensive posts. Coz' here' what I thought, instead of making multiple posts about my shit, I'll just sum it up into one big pile of shit, right?!

First off, if you're selling something, right. Like, you're not a store, but a person just trying to make a living, selling your services, be sure to know how to treat people right. I was speaking with someone about getting some shit done and since I'm not familiar with the process, I had to ask, right? This mofo started laughing and proceed to tell me that I... "should come back and talk to him when I know what I was talking about." In this particular case, pricing. Holy shit the nerve of this dude. Okay, so I lost some money recently, that ain't no secret. But the audacity of this person, telling me, as if I ain't got nothing to pay for the shit I'm asking. You sir just lost 1 good possible customer. You seem to be doing well on your own anyway, but FUCK YOU anyway for looking down on me. I'm not a rich guy, but I know how to work around my finances and I CAN BUY SHIT THAT COSTS WAY MORE THAN WHAT YOU THINK, FUCKER! So yeah, I'll gladly tell more about this via PM if you're interested to know what this is so you too can avoid the person. The lesson here is, don't talk shit to potential customers. Whether you know or just think that they could probably afford shit or not, never straight up laugh at your customer. NEVER!

Alright, so that's enough screen time for that fucker. Next, sooooo.... I forgot what's supposed to be next. I think I was gonna write something about what happened. Oh, right. So, I recently lost my entire paycheck due to some issues around the house, right. This one's a bit too personal and even on private messages, I won't go into details about it. But, here's the thing that's annoying. You know how you prepare for your shit, and even though you're not good at planning. You desperately try to plan things out, just to make sure that you won't astronomically fuck things over by yourself, since you know how much you can get screwed over by your own. Right?! Well, la-dee-daah, look who screwed me over. Someone who didn't prepare for their own shit and now, for some reason, I had to deal with it. What did it cost me? 2 months worth of planning go poof, and 1 month of unpaid debt (cash loan). So, I'm still figuring out how to get back from that. I seem to have enough time until when my next paycheck comes, I haven't planned it yet though. Who knows what the fuck might screw me over by that time. I'll just have to sit it out and improvise.

Partially ditched my (closest) friends again, over a video game dispute. I mean, shiiiiiit I loooove me my video games. I can even say to some extent, it's all I have, next to them. And they just keep pissing me off for some stupid reasons. Like, yeah it was pretty dumb to be mad about it, but in my point of view, I was pretty certain they were aware. Like they were aware of how I am with games and probably not with any other games, but this game in particular. I'm not gonna state what game it is just for... whatever. I just don't understand... Okay so here's the thing, whenever I go dark, they eventually come to a point and ask "what's going on? Tell us what's wrong." So after you tell them what's wrong, you get that security that, these set of people are aware, they know how they should deal with your BS. Right?! Then here comes me throwing shade, and they just give up instantly. Like, I don't understand the point of me explaining to them what's wrong with me if they immediately, instantaneously give up, right?1 Like what's the point of telling a story, if after saying the lesson the reader just goes "let's do it again." I hate to say it but, while it is true that most of the time that we have "the talk" is between alcohol, but I gotta admit... it's sad when they just seem to pretend to listen. It's stupid how it started from video game dispute to not listening, right? Like I'm some kind of moody s/o or something. But that's how I feel, I mean, that's the best that I could explain how it feels. So, Idk, I'm not exactly writing this other than for my own pleasure so, eh... Not my problem if you can't translate.

Also, I've been unfollowing news outlets and skipping anything I scroll past that's political or covid related. I've actually been doing it ever since like April, but this time I'm almost hard committing to not getting involved. I mean, sometimes I get into flame wars in the comment section just for the heck of it. But I try to go into flame wars that I know I'm certain to win haha. Like, fr tho. I don't wanna get burned too much. But then again, I still also do my best to stay away from anything related at all.

As I'm writing this I actually paused a game I recently received as a gift. NieR:Automata™. I've been wanting to play this for a while now, especially when I found out that this is basically a bigger story-centered version of Stanley Parable did. I was like "oh shit, I gotta play this game." I'm not sure if I have been spoiled already when I saw reviews before, but hopefully, my description of the game here, doesn't ruin it for those who haven't played it yet too. Also, you have some dedication reading this post if you've made it this far. If you did, do send game recommendations. I like the ones that have an absurd number of multiple endings. I blame Stanley Parable for this, but I just really fancy the idea. Or at least a confusing one, like Control. I haven't played it yet but it's been out for a while. I know I wanted to play it since it was teased, but I never got the chance to grab the game yet, when it recently dropped in Steam. I was indeed spoiled about something about the ending, so, probably after NieR, my lists are as follows. (I'm not gonna make a bulleted list coz it'll be easily seen when anyone clicked "see more" and people be like "meh, just a bunch of lame gaming posts") So my lists is, for big title, I'm waiting for WD: Legion and CyberPunk 2077. Then comes Detroit become human, Control, Beyond: Two Souls. I have a bunch in mind that I wanna play but these are my focus for now. That's after I finished NieR.

Well, you've made it. You somehow read through this entire thing. I gotta say, I  actually had a lot of negative shit to posts. But I think my YouTube-ing, actually helped. I have been watching Smosh Pit. Holy guacamole Smosh is hella different than when I was first watching it back in 2010-2012. Anthony has long since left, and Ian has just been awkward to watch, sometimes. He looks like "when the boss tries to look quirky like the employees" whenever he's in a video, lol. But him and Anthony did establish the whole thing up, he probably got stuck to it after Anthony left. Since, you can't really just leave your legacy to a bunch of other people, right? Anyway, idk why I'm talking about that so.... You know the unfortunate thing is, after all this, nobody still really cares. Doesn't matter how much effort I put into socializing with people. After everything that I've gone through, once it's all said and done. At the end of the day, all I really have is myself. I think I've come to a point now that I've been doing self-love too much, that I've taken myself for granted. So, I'm just like "whatever" now. Nothing matters, we're all shitty people, we're all just a bunch of gas moving around, we're all gonna die, nobody's gonna know us as soon as 5 years after we died.

This is probably the only time I'm gonna say this on facebook or any of my other socials as I'm gonna try to hide it. I'm gonna do my own vlogging again. BUUUT it's not gonna be on anything that can be monetized. It's gonna be just my personal vlogs. I'll have it in my tumblr, what's my tumblr, that's for you to figure out. I've missed vlogging, and not the modern fancy ass vlogging that you see in YouTube. The vlogging I grew up with is literally just a video-blog/vlog, like a diary. So you take a video and you keep it somewhere. I didn't wanna upload it actually, I was gonna have it as a keepsake. But just for the heck of it, I'll put it in the internet so it's there forever. Unless tumblr gets taken down or do a friendster/myspace. So, yeah, I haven't posted anything yet, nor had taken a video. But as soon as I started rolling, I'll post it there and it'll just be a memory of me.

So yeah guys. Idk why you're reading this but thanks for your time anyway. Ya'll have a good one. I still don't feel like socializing but for my sanity's sake, I'll try to get back into responding into your messages. It's probably good for me too (I think). Byyeeeeeeeeeee~

Fin

[earlywrites]

there’s no place like 127.0.0.1 commentary part I: ‘looking back’

Hey gang! Here’s part one of my commentary on my Angela & Robot fic there's no place like 127.0.0.1, a.k.a. A Weekend At Angela’s, a.k.a. Mr. Robot’s Day(s) Off. This will contain spoilers through Season 3 of Mr. Robot.

To start off, the title of the fic itself I got from a fun piece of set dressing in 3x05:

...which (and I'm probably stating the obvious here, but either way) is a play on 'there's no place like home' from the Wizard of Oz, as 127.0.0.1 is the 'localhost' of any given machine.

“Dolores… Haze?” she says, frowning [...]

I believe this is the codename Elliot would have Darlene stored under on his phone, since it’s a handle she’s used in other areas -- recently, as the name of the network she and Elliot used in the arcade during 3x09:

Somehow, he both feels like he’s been hit over the head with a truck, yet at the same time had the best sleep he’s ever experienced in the scattering of days where he’s been the one in charge. The sleeping pills on the side table aren’t a name he recognizes, and the instructional lettering is all in Chinese, but holy balls did they knock him the fuck out. Seems Angela wasn’t kidding when she said she was committed to keeping Elliot out at all costs.

I did a bunch of reading on DID and several people on the forums suggested sleeping pills as a method to prevent alters from switching over in one's sleep. Ambien and melatonin etc all seemed to also promote sleepwalking as a side effect, especially when combined with alcohol (and this is more relevant in part II), so I took artistic licence and made a fake drug that essentially knocks you out with zero (known) side effects, lol.

Residual self-image. Everyone has a face that only they can see, projected outwards into the mirror. A false idol of confidence, of ego, or a shell of dysmorphia and despair – either way, a lie repeated for so long it manifests into your own monster. Or maybe it’s something as little as a smaller nose or a slimmer waistline, look, ultimately, people like to reject reality and see what they want to see – for better or worse, ‘til death do us part, until every feature is stripped back and washed away, and that face in the mirror is just a skull the world has finally fucked. Technically, his own projection is long dead, but reanimated for a greater purpose – a divine one, even, according to Tyrell and his whole wackjob microreligion thing he’s got going on.

Residual self-image is indeed a term from The Matrix, which Morpheus describes as the 'mental projection of your digital self'. Here, it's a literal way that Robot describes how he and other people see themselves, even if in reality it can be very different. The major theme of this fic was perception versus reality, in that both Robot and Angela are focussed so narrowly on their specific ideal outcomes of Stage 2 that they omit or ignore any signs that the plan will not go exactly their way. This is the first area where I start to address that, and basically continue to hold up a sign in big black lettering that goes HEY ISN'T THIS IRONIC THAT THEY'RE SAYING THIS GIVEN WHAT WE KNOW NOW for the rest of the fic.

Still, he only gets wrapped up in this metaphysical bullshit when he’s in the driver’s seat for an extended period of time, because situations tend to arise that take him on a stroll through Uncanny Valley. For example: he showers and then shaves, but no stubble leaves his jawline. He changes into fresh clothes that Angela has left him, but the label on his jacket still proudly proclaims Mr. Robot: Computer Repair with a Smile! (still not his name, no matter how much Elliot tries to pin it to him). Sometimes he can squint through the mirror, rearrange his focus a little bit, and see this analogue of Elliot staring back at him – eyes half-lidded, the pinched anxiety on his face smoothed out. This is what they all see, which really is a poor substitute for the damn good-looking guy he’s facing off with in the bathroom vanity this morning.

Like, I've always wondered about this. Elliot is always clean-shaven after Robot's been in control for longer stretches of time, so Robot must shave, but we know he always has stubble -- how does any of this work, really? Is the fact that we see Robot's face in the mirror just a product of Elliot's overarching control over what is depicted in the show, and Robot actually sees 'Elliot's face? Who the heck knows, Sam sure as hell probably isn't going to explain it, so I'm sticking to this interpretation for now. And, also, no, Robot's never actually referred to himself as Mr. Robot in the show, going so far as to laugh at the idea of Elliot calling him that name when Krista brings it up in 3x02, which is why I have him rejecting it in here.

He tries watching TV, for a bit, but nothing particularly engaging is on basic cable on a Saturday morning – crappy cartoons (they really don’t make them like they used to), some more bullshit presidential candidate Donald Trump (seriously. This, if anything, is why Stage Two is an absolute fucking necessity to get the world back on track) has regurgitated about taxes or something is being picked apart by no less than twelve ‘experts’ on CNN, and the hysteria continues on four other channels. Only one news channel is actually covering the upcoming UN vote, which is quintessential Americocentrism - like, holy shit, the UN is going to sell a fucking country to China, and all people give a shit about is some failed reality star who can't, apparently, do math beyond a grade-school level. The next channel he tries is airing a repeat episode of Teen Mom, which is about the point where he gives up and switches it off, tossing the remote somewhere down the couch.

I don't know what was on US basic cable on that September weekend in 2015, and neither do you, probably. I do know that, around this time, Trump unveiled his tax policy at a press conference. It wasn't on a Friday/Saturday, but then again, September 29th wasn't actually a Monday, so whatever, I'll take some wiggle room on that.

[...] Darlene doesn’t know about the arrangement between Angela and himself, all he needs is plausible deniability for the knock – sleeping pills on the side table, that’s it, that’s the play, if he bunks down on the couch she’ll believe he was so far under he didn’t hear any of it. Wake up, fidget a bit, Elliot-style – keep it vague, let her fill in the blanks—

I would've loved to have seen the Robot v Darlene route, where Robot plays as Elliot and finds out about Elliot's plan to have him followed, and how things might have played out differently from there, but, that would then diverge from the canon series of events I was trying to keep within. I guess we'll never know!

“I know, that’s why I set up a contingency, give me some fucking credit here,” he argues. “It’s a little self-destructive sequence, a ransomware mimic – forget to key the password into the dialog box that pops up every five minutes and you’ll get locked out, and all the files on this laptop will self-encrypt. Only I have the keys, so even if – if – he manages to resurface, he wouldn’t get far.”

I'm sure this is wildly inaccurate, since I know pretty much nothing about programming, lol. We can't all be Elliot, okay!!!

“Is it possible for you to not be an asshole for like, five minutes?” Angela mutters. “Fine. I’ll—wait, hold on.” She brings up the Netflix home page, typing ollie.p.parker@gmail.com into the email field. “Let’s see if he – nope, hasn’t changed it. Why am I not surprised.”

“This is your ex-boyfriend’s account,” he clarifies. Angela hums the affirmative as she scrolls through his recommended titles – fucking hell, there’s at least three different Adam Sandler flicks alone. “Well, good to know he’s still a fucking moron. You sure dodged a bullet there. Or,” he pivots, reconsidering the context, “I suppose, given how that all played out, got that bullet lodged in you removed before it was too late.”

Fuck Ollie, this is the least of what you deserve, you dickwagon. I had a further scene that I ended up cutting because it dragged down the pacing, where Robot convinced Angela to let him 'hijack' Ollie's Netflix account by changing the email address and password and then getting into his email account to verify the change and delete the notification emails. Anyway, he's probably suffering in the post-5/9 economy, so, suck it dude.

He wrinkles his nose. “Oh, that guy’s in this?”

“Who, Christian Slater?” Angela says, looking up over her phone as the monologue continues. She finishes her text and slides it back onto the coffee table. “Not a fan?”

“Of his works? No, I like them well enough, Heathers is great,” he says, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air. “There’s just something about his face that makes me hate him. You know, when you look at a guy, and he has a face that’s just asking for a fist? This guy. He always looks so smug.” He points an accusatory finger at the TV. “What have you got to be so smug about, huh? Besides the fact that you’re probably jerking off to that fat royalty check in the mail every month. I mean, we all know that’s what all the Hollywood schmucks are doing, tugging it to their stacks of cash, but you don’t have to wear it right there on your face so I’m reminded of the fact every time I see it. And it doesn’t help that he spends half the movie miming the act, it just makes it so stupidly meta, Christ, I need to build a fourth wall in my brain and kick over a bucket of bleach – also, by the way, what the fuck, I can’t believe you actually watched this as a child, you—”

This was probably the most self-indulgent thing I got to write. I love that Christian Slater exists in Robotverse, so that I can exercise the 'character played by actor, who also played a character in another thing, thinks this character sucks/is ugly' trope. If you missed it, here's Pump Up The Volume on VHS in Angela's childhood home in 3x06:

She’s silent, for a moment, and the movie plays on. “It helped, in a way. With my mom. There’s a line, that’s always stuck with me – ‘the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.’ See, they don’t approach death in a way that’s nice, and polite, and full of platitudes – it’s angry, and messy, and it’s okay to want to just—” She suddenly leans over to the laptop, clicking forwards a few times.

“I’m sick of being ashamed. I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it.” She mouths along with him. “I mean, you look around, and you see nothing is real, but at least the pain is real. You know, even this show isn’t real? It’s just me, I’m using a voice disguiser, I’m a phony fuck just like my dad, just like anybody—”

If you haven't seen the movie, basically Slater's character is reacting to the news of a teen committing suicide, after they had stated the intention to do so on his show - you can watch this scene here. This is, of course, not a movie a young child should watch, but Angela has always talked about her anger regarding her mother's death, and I thought (aside from the self-indulgent aspect of Robot v Slater, lol) it would be interesting to explore how she might act out, a little, like kids sometimes do to cope with grief and pain, secretly watch a Movie Definitely Not For Kids, and within it find a helpful way to release the anger she bottled up. (Also -- she would've loved the lizard. What a cute little friend.)

Somehow, they keep this train chugging along until well into the night. His pick is next – he chooses Snakes On A Plane, just to fuck with her a bit, but it turns out she just loves snakes, because of course she does, so that backfired somewhat, aside from the fact that Snakes On A Plane is actually pretty fun if you really embrace the hammy acting and ridiculous plot. Angela parries, picking a recent release called Jupiter Ascending, a large proportion of which he spends loudly trying to work out at what point in time since The Matrix Trilogy were the Wachowskis secretly killed and replaced by doppelgänger hacks, as Angela sips her appletini and coos over werewolf-angel(?)-in-rollerskates Channing Tatum. He then counters with Sharknado 3, which is definitely a mistake, and then they have to both suffer through all excruciating ninety-five minutes of it because neither of them are willing to budge on their unspoken cinematic war. A victory for him, maybe, but a Pyrrhic one nonetheless.

Angela does canonically love snakes, so this wasn't intended to be a jab at her manipulation of Elliot this season, but, of course, interpret at as you will. This great piece of characterisation is from the Red Wheelbarrow tie-in book for Season 2 (which is an awesome read, definitely recommend):

Second, the 'cinematic war' is totally one-sided. In my mind, Angela actually enjoyed all the films they watched, while Robot basically fucked himself, lol. Look, Jupiter Ascending is a wonderful, whimsical film, that should be taken at face value for the work of art that it is. Space paperwork! Bee princesses! Eddie Redmayne whisper-screaming as he tries to marry his mother! It's an absolute cinematic treasure. I can't say the same for Sharknado 3, but, well, all in good fun.

“First off, the entire concept of monogamy is bullshit,” he replies, and yes, he is going to actually give her a serious answer. “It’s an archaic evolutionary tactic to boost survival rates among Neanderthals that has no place being the gold standard in 2015, in the same way that we don’t kill a mammoth and spend the rest of the year eating hairy elephant ass for every meal — newsflash, supermarkets exist now, there are like fifty different varieties of beans, literally just beans, so it makes zero sense to pledge your undying commitment to a can of Spam, I mean, shit, even if it’s something you actually enjoy, you’d get absolutely sick and tired of eating it and nothing else until you keel over and die. So, on that note, it’s pretty obvious why most of our parents spend the rest of their lives fucking hating each other if they’re not a part of the fifty percent who cut ties before it’s too late, because, yes, alongside the great lie of the picture perfect nuclear family, the modern factory-line industry of marriage is just a capitalist cash cow where everybody thinks they’re getting milk, but in reality? That sure ain’t a teat they’re sucking on.”

This also comes back to the Red Wheelbarrow tie-in book, and specifically, to this scene in it, where Robot rants to Leon about monogamy in the context of Mad About You:

This is probably my favourite scene from the book -- I love the idea of Leon and Robot having long-winded debates on media, and it's a pity we'll never get to see that acted out, lol.

[...] “Fuck Gosling, fuck Stone, kill Groban. Done.”

“Wow,” Angela replies, leaning back, one hand against her heart. “Wow. You’re such a dick. How can you kill Josh Groban?”

“Breaking news! What a scoop. Angela Moss, come and claim your Pulitzer,” he says. “And, to answer your question: very easily. Groban is clearly the least attractive of the three, and so by the metric of this game it condemns him to death.”

“The correct answer,” she says firmly, barreling over him as if he’d never spoken, “Is fuck Ryan, marry Josh, and, well, if I have to kill someone, I guess I have to kill Emma, but I’m sure she’s lovely. Actually, no, okay, if you get two fucks then I do to. Fuck Ryan, fuck Emma, marry Josh.”

I love Angela's love for Josh Groban nearly as much as getting to see Elliot in that 'Property of Josh Groban' sweater in 3x01. It's never been explicitly stated on the show, but my interpretation of Angela and Robot's sexualities is that they're both bi as fuck, so there you go.

“And, you know what? I don’t want to live in a world where everyone’s as cynical and jaded as you, old man. Because,” she hiccups, ending it in a giggle, “That’s what you sound like, you grumpy fuck, like you’re pushing eighty, not long until you start yelling at kids—” and at this, she cups her hands over her mouth, imitating a megaphone, “Get off my lawn, you capitalist piglets!”

“Okay,” he says, shaking his head, grinning in spite of himself as she yells out “you bourgeoisie microscum!” in a shitty imitation of an elderly man [...]

This is my favourite piece of dialogue in this entire thing. 'Bourgeoisie microscum' fucking kills me every time I read it. Originally I also had 'pushing fifty' as a sly wink at Christian Slater's real age, but no middle aged man has quite the curmudgeonly attitude to pull off 'bourgeoisie microscum'.

That's it for part one, folks! Thanks for reading, if indeed you still are. Click here for part II :D