#but like. is that really the thing i talk about. reaaally.

[wickjump]

HEY ARE YOU UNDER 18? TERRIBLE. BAD CHOICE. DONT READ THIS. THIS QUESTION IS NOT FOR YOU!!!!! this is for the grownups sorry not sorry

weow question under cut

howww would one even go about making an 18+ account if all my 18+ work is incomplete and also writing not art which isn’t inherently visually appealing. the fuck am i gonna do. nobody wants nerd in their porn and my job is nerding out. wtffffff

ive got a lot of not that kid friendly ideas to talk ab. it seems more twittery than tumblry but ill sooner die than use twitter again. would anyone even be interested in that. i wouldn’t even post that often. i never finish anything but ive got like 10k+ words under my belt of things i haven’t finished. also im ace and autistic so my perception of sex is both warped by ‘i don’t feel the urge to have it’ and ‘how the world treats sex is really weird can’t we just be normal about it yall so cagey and for what’. but like i just wrote 3k words of crepic porn. where else would i post unfinished sans vagina. what’s a girlthing to do

[popsicle-stick]

having a thought about eiffel where, like, despite being desperately alone and seemingly in charge of himself for most of it, his whole life just seems to have been guided by a series of choices-that-are-not-choices in any real sense of the word. be stuck where you are or join the air force out of high school. rot in prison or go to space and help your daughter. allow everyone and everything you love be destroyed by the very people you worked for or sacrifice your memories of everything you’re trying to save. even in plot, things are often just…..happening to him! pushed from one thing to another, no real agency. i think this is why i like the open choice he’s given at the end*: if his emotional ties are gone, if he really wanted, he could be someone else. live a different life. no pain. few regrets. but the hard thing to do is to go and be douglas f. eiffel. and is hard: his life was, well. an awful mess. it’s significant that he doesn’t have to do that, per se, but that it’s an active choice for him to make, should he choose it.

*it’s also interesting to note that on a meta level, that agency is also passed to us, as the audience, at the end. we’ve been through this whole journey with eiffel, and now he’s released from the grip of the narrative, so are we - we’re free to make our choices about what happens now. which ties it all in nicely, i think

[drkcatt]

is baya trans??

good question! she's afab and had little thought into her gender other than not being into femininity. she is butch. HOWEVER-- during shadowbringers she started having thoughts like "is it weird that i don't mind when people think the warrior of darkness is a man?" but mostly did not think too hard about them. and then after 5.0 when she Absorbs ardbert (trans man) she gets hit with very intense gender feelings and starts using he/him as well. i like to describe a'vaya's gender as "woman (enhanced)" because i wouldn't necessarily say she's nonbinary, it's rather that she like, installed plugins to her gender... ?????????? so no baya is not trans but she's not exactly cis!

[nochepsicodelica]

Toji who leaves hickeys all over you so often that you have to push him away when you start looking like you fought an octopus.

"Toji, you know these aren't always gonna be so small. They're gonna end up looking like bruises. Just look at the ones you already left."

"Mhm," he hums, already leaving another one on your shoulder blade, releasing your skin with a wet smack of his lips. He rubs his spit into the mark like it's some sort of salve that'll make it last longer.

"I'm fine with these," you say, looking at all the one's he left on your chest and below. "but my neck... i'm running out of makeup, baby. I won't be able to cover them if you keep this up."

"Then don't." He would just love that. Despite how nonchalant he sounds about it, it's a highly recommended suggestion. He would genuinely love it if you walked around with his marks all over your neck. People will automatically know that you already have someone you get freaky with.

"I have to go to work sometime. I wouldn't be able to take having my neck stared at by everyone I talk to. No more neck hickeys."

He nears your neck, again. The second you say he can't put another mark on it, he spots a clear area and leans in, lightly pressing his lips against it.

"Tojiii," you whine, leaning forward, away from him. "Leave it alone."

"But, it's clear. It's lonely without being marked like the rest of your neck." He scoots forward again, putting his enormous hands on your waist to pull you close. "I'll be quick. Just-"

"Mm-mm. No," you interrupt, brushing his hands off of you.

"I might just die if you don't let me do this, ma."

"Really?" You raise your brows in disbelief.

"Really," he responds, so confidently.

You scoff. "You're so dramatic. You won't die if you don't get to suck on my neck."

"Who knows? I might spontaneously collapse because of it. Weirder, more unexplainable things have happened."

He's so dumb sometimes. Your hunk is absolutely ridiculous, and yet you find yourself weighing towards his point in this.

"Would marking up that blank space actually cure you?" You feel as silly as him for asking the question.

"Who's to say?"

You tilt your head and deadpan. "Right. I guess i'll take my chances and just keep the random patch of unmarked skin on my neck."

"Hey, that doesn't mean we can't try. Come on, now."

You groan and roll your eyes before making your way back to him. He cups your cheeks, smirking as he looks into your eyes, before turning your head to expose the blank area on your neck.

"It's a reaaally good spot, doll. I think i'm gonna make it."

You huff, unable to look at him because of the way your head is turned. You feel his tongue slide over your neck, the gesture transitioning to his lips kissing the area and then it feels sharp. His lips leave a stinging sensation with every second that they stay on you.

"Ow, fuck, you vampire. It feels like you're actually trying to suck the blood out of me." You wince. "Are you done?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm done." He admires his masterpiece and smirks with pride. You have an entire collar of hickeys that he put on you, and the newest one looks mean.

"You look pretty. Could eat you up, mama." He swipes at the new mark with his thumb, looking at the color that will remain on your skin for the next few days.

"I can tell. You already devoured me. You're insane. Just look at all of this," you say, running your hand over your kiss stained neck.

"I was just nibbling on you," he speaks, into your jaw, before smoothly laying you down, onto the bed. "Just wanted a little taste," he says, taking your hands in his and pinning them above your head. "Am I really insane for that?"

"Um..." you laugh, making your flustered state obvious. "Yes?"

"Damn." He gives you a long, deep kiss, that makes you forget what you were talking about. "You think i'm crazy?" You hum, and he does it again.

"Haven't you played with me enough? I feel like i'm some chew toy for you." You giggle, feeling his lips on your cheek, trailing towards your jaw.

He hums, dismissively. "Found more blank space."

[reshinless]

hi!!! i hope ur doing well>< can u do kinich with a shy s/o but get reaaally freaky in bed?

art creds: @ sumi_noth on x

warnings: p in v sex, anal penetration, afab!reader (no specified gender), consent king kinich, freaky ass reader, handcuff usage, blindfold usage, dirty talk kind of, but mostly praise, oral(?, eating you out),

he didn't expect your interests to be... different from your actions, or at least in public. your shy grasps on his arm if ever you were anxious, or the habit of standing in front of you to intimidate

or the flushed expression that danced across your cheeks when he complimented you. it could be the arm that grasped your waist when he knew you were uncomfortable.

well, whatever it was, it was cute in its own way.

but looking at you and comparing to then—are you really the same person...? maybe you have a secret twin!

"n- nngh! kin— pleasef- I wan' it s'bad!" you whined, feeling him strike your insides for the umpteenth time. he really didn't mind but he could see how shaky your legs were.

"y'sure? you're trembling, baby." "mmn, need more, please?"

he simply tilted his head, you looked tired. he doesn't care too much about himself since his stamina sustains for very long. but yours didn't.

he swore this little thing of yours lasted a week each month. always telling him how bad you needed him with those pleading eyes. he couldn't say no, that'd be mean!

"whatever you want, sweetheart."

he'd give you the world if possible, but he cares for your safety, so he does end up not going through with your feralness in bed. no matter how cute your whining and begging might be- he doesn't want to take advantage of the fact that you want all of him more than just seven rounds.

one time you asked him to cuff you to the bed, and he asked more than just five times. you.. want him to use his elemental skill to tie you to the bed post? is that really safe?

well, he wouldn't complain too much, pulling on the vine line like a leash if he just decided on cuffing them behind you, or grasping your hair while you take him from behind.

as long as you're okay with it ('till he notices you're visibly tired). he learns to know your limits as well, no more how freaky you are. cause he isn't with you for the sake of sex, but for you yourself.

these moments with you were just a bonus. and in which he very much treasured. oh well, back to the blurb of him slamming you from behind.

he likes positions where he sees your face better. the one he usually sees hiding in the strands of your hair, or in the softness of your palms. he promises he doesn't have a corruption kink or whatever but damn he loved the way your expression would distort to something so naughty. fuck, he needed this as much as you did.

the sounds he long sought after for back when you both weren't even together yet, he didn't want to admit- but he did fantasize this. how the lewd mewls would spill like a river from the beauty and softness of your mouth.

he couldn't help but groan right into the shell of your ear. instinctively his mouth moves, to praise you of course.

"doin' s'fuckin well for me sweetheart, just keep taking me in like that yeah?"

you could feel yourself clench at the very end of his sentence. fuck you didn't know praise could feel this good, his movements matched with the quick, lusty grunts he let out.

even when he placed the blindfold onto your pretty head. he missed your pretty eyes, the way they'd look at him with a pleading look. he could barely see how your eyebrows furrowed.

that's alright, he liked how you seemed so vulnerable, not knowing where to place your hands, and you can't predict what he'd do, or where his touch would land next (which was your entrance)

placing his lips onto the soft folds, licking you up and down with tease. hearing you moan and sob, asking him to stop edging and get to the point, but he doesn't really like when you're being a little bratty.

"take what i give you, or i'll leave you like this, 'kay?"

and you couldn't do anything but nod. his cold words sent shivers down your spine, combined with the kitty licks to your clit, the coldness of his ungloved palms that spread your legs apart, squeezing them every now and then.

really loves the way you taste though, loves how addicting it can get. you're the only drug he'd ever take.

once he's done "punishing" you, he goes right back to being the sloppy eater he is. his mouth basically attached itself to your soppy entrance.

doesn't matter if you're cumming or not—he laps everything up like a homeless man who's got food for the first time in forever.

he doesn't know what it is- maybe it's the scent, or is it truly the taste? maybe it could be the way it looks? or maybe how it feels? he doesn't get why he wants your essence so bad, but whatever magic it has he hopes it'll last him lifetimes (or at least last you a good orgasm)

overall is just "whatever you want, my love" and makes sure you get the best out of it! :)

[nickfurysrighteye]

college au!chase davenport x fem!reader

summary: you're a college student. you go on a date with adam, the campus' fuckboy, but you didn't know he had a brother...

cw: kinda nsfw!! swearing, mentions of sex/hooking up, heavy make out in a public place, you and chase get reaaally touchy, adam's an asshole (sorry adam). that's it :)

a/n: part 2 here!! this is not what i was going for when writing another chase x reader but i thought "fuck it, chase smut"

minors do not interract!!

"y/n guess what, this guy at the party yesterday told me he saw you on campus and wanted to ask you out so i told him we're roommates and he gave me his number." your roommate says, the morning after she went to a frat party.

"wait really? what's his name?" you reply with a mix of surprise and excitement in your voice.

"adam davenport"

"oh my god that fuckboy wanted my number?!" you say, kind of disappointed. frat guys weren't really your type and adam was definitely the complete opposite of what you want in a guy. he is known on campus for two things: his parties and being a total asshole to girls.

"i don't want anything to do with him, especially after my last relationship, i don't need a guy like that."

"you don't have to date him, what you need is a rebound to forget your ex. go out with him, hook up and then leave, that's what he does anyway." your friend's plan wasn't that bad, you take it into consideration.

"to be fair, adam is kinda hot and i do need a rebound..sure i'll text him, why not."

-

adam didn't live on campus, he had a small apartment downtown his father paid for so he didn't have to live in the dorms. after a bit of texting he asked you to come over to his place. you didn't expect much from this date, your idea was to follow your roommate's plan and you made sure to look your best in order to go through with it.

"hey, come on in." adam says opening the door for you. the apartment was small but tidy. you enter the apartment and make your way into the living room, which was an open space including the kitchen. sitting at the kichen island was a brunette guy with a black long sleeve tshirt, focused writing something on his laptop. he looks away from the screen the moment he hears your voice.

"hi, I'm y/n."

"oh, he's my brother, chase. we're roommates, don't pay attention to him."

"you're in college too, chase?" you ask.

"yeah i'm a physics major." he looks at you and slightly smile, a small dimple forming on his cheek.

"no way i'm a physics major too, how come i've never seen you at the lectures?"

"getting noticed by girls is not his strong suit. why don't we go to my room, we can watch a movie." adam says quickly, trying to get you away from his brother. it was clear he wasn't supposed to be there but adam couldn't do anything about it.

instead, you get closer to chase "what are you working on?"

"i'm writing a paper on the poly-exclusion principle. it's weird, usually the girls adam brings home don't do this much talking. they aren't physics major either. " he stops writing and leans a bit onto the table to get closer to you. he looks at you with that slight smile. his eyes were like watercolors, brown blue and green swirling together, framed by the fair mauve color of the skin underneath. he wasn't getting as much sleep as he should be.

you want to reply but his beauty his mesmerizing. his ruffled brown hair, his rosy lips, his hands, which had a dash of red on the knuckles from the cold weather. you just can't look away.

"ok that's enough small talk, let's go y/n" adam interrupts your brief conversation, taking you by the arm and slowly leading you to the corridor.

"if you're going to have sex please be quiet. i have a lot of work to do." chase says loudly as the two of you walk away.

how many girls does he bring home? do i really wanna be just a number? you think as you walk into adam's room. you start to reconsider your plan, you aren't so sure you want to hook up with him anymore.

-

adam's laptop is set on the bed, a movie playing in the background. you're making out but it's not leading anywhere, too many thoughts going through your head.

"so...you wanna hook up or..?" adam pulls away from the kiss.

"uhh..i-"

adam stops you mid sentence "it's ok if you don't, but if we're not gonna do it then imma ask you to leave."

"what?" his audacity baffles you.

"yeah imma be honest, that's the only reason i asked you out so if you're not cool with that there's no reason to keep this going. i actually have another girl i gotta call-"

"oh my fucking god you cannot be serious." you stand up, hastily gather your things and head to the door.

"what? i said i was gonna be honest." adam says suprised.

"listen i knew you were famous for one night stands but jesus fucking christ have some tact!" you open the front door and leave, swinging it close behind you.

"byee! have a good night!" chase shouts, sitting in the same spot with his eyes glued to the screen. "well that's a first! she was nice."

"fuck off chase."

-

the next day you decided to spend the afternoon studying at the campus' library. you arrive later than you usually do and hope to still find a good spot. after a some wondering around you see a familiar figure sitting at a table with a laptop open. the brown haired boy from the previous night sitting at the table alone, you walk over to him.

"hey, chase, right?" you remembered his name, matter of fact you thought about him a lot after leaving adam's apartment, there's something about him that just pulls you in you can't help it.

"hey, good to see you here." he smiles again, this time showing his pearly white teeth.

"mind if i sit here with you?"

"no, not at all."

"how's the paper turning out?" you pick the the seat right across him.

"It's driving me insane, i think i spent so much time writing it I'm starting to show signs of severe sleep deprivation. how about you? what are you studying?" he rubs his tired eyes and run his fingers through his already messy hair. that boy seriously needs to sleep.

"i'm just going over some course material. I've missed a couple lectures, not that the professor knows how to teach this stuff anyway." you say as you take out your books and laptop out of your bag.

"i can help you out if you want." he leans a bit to see what material you're going to revise.

"that would be great, actually. thank you so much."

a few hours go by and now the room you're in is basically empty, the only sound filling the deep silence is the quiet mormouring of you and Chase talking. the two of you are now sitting next to eachother, not really studying, you gave that up around half an hour ago.

"by the way i'm so sorry about adam, he can be a real asshole sometimes."

"don't worry about it. if i knew he had a brother i wouldn't have gone out with him." a light chuckle leaves your mouth as you finish your sentence, then you realize the words you just pronounced. you turn your eyes upon chase and see him with his head lightly tilted, a smirk on his face and his watercolored eyes gazing at you with a glimpse of amusement. he chuckles.

"i'm sorry, that was weird. forget i said that. what i meant was adam's not my type anyway." an even worse feeling washes over you, god why can't i just shut up your thoughts are interrupted suddenly by chase's low and soft voice.

"what's your type then?" so many words fill up your thoughts but none are coming out. you stare at his lips, his soft, plum, roseate lips that had a blood colored aura in the center. you want to know what it's like to kiss them, to bite them, to feel them all over you, to feel them brush against your neck as he whispers sweet words to you.

you don't say anything, your body leans closer to him and you slowly close your eyes, all of a sudden you feel your lips meeting with chase's for a quick moment. your eyes open again and your faces are inches apart. chase places carefully a hand on your cheek and gently places his lips back on yours. he moves with such care it seems if he kisses you any harder you're going to break. he kisses you so tenderly it sends chills down your spine. he's so gentle and warm, it's like cold was the only thing your body has ever known until he touched you and heated you up.

he brushes his tongue against your lower lip and haltingly pushing it into your mouth, making your tongue swirl together. you felt your body get even hotter, your heart starts to race, his tongue felt so good you didn't want the kiss to end. his hands start to wonder down your body, feeling every curve, caressing you, studying your shape with his fingertips. his hands go down until they reach your hips, then they slowly make their way back up. he stops right underneath your breasts. your body's craving more of his touch. you need to feel him. all of him. you move one of his hand up and he cups one of your breasts squeezing it, making you moan softly into the kiss. your sweet sounding moan makes his lungs clench and cheeks burn. as he starts to lightly circle around your nipple with his thumb your hands travel up his thighs and get closer to his groin. his pants are getting tighter.

just like that chase pulls away from the kiss and moves his hands away. "we're in public, i think we went a little too far."

you laugh, "yeah i- uh, i think so." you don't care, truth be told if it were for you, you'd be bent over the table with your pants pulled down and chase pumping his dick into you. you couldn't care less about someone accidentally seeing you, you need more of his touch. you've never craved anything more than this. you need him.

"It's getting late, we should go." chase starts to gather his things. "we- uh, we should study together again...sometimes."

"yeah, sure uh...here..take this." you rip a piece of paper from your notebook, write your number on it and hand it to him. "text me, or call me or whatever you want." you pack your things.

"sure i'll see you at the lecture, goodnight." chase leaves and as he walks out of the library he looks at the small piece of paper.

"adam's gonna kill me"

-

a/n: thanks for reading <33 PART 2

[adhdtsukasa]

tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.

[jongbross]

Hi, it’s boyfriends things with Exo😅🤍

Thanks

kim minseok:

cutest boyfriend out there

will take such good care of you 🥹

is literally a keeper

your family loves him, he just charms everyone around him

might be a bit difficult as sometimes he can't see why you're still with him

doesn't realize that you're the luckiest person for having HIM

kisses your nose a lot

holds your hand while walking on the street

listen to you vent and gives you the best advices

won't let you sleep in though, so good luck with that

kim junmyeon:

the personification of a gentleman

pulls chairs for you, open doors, makes sure you're with your seatbelt on, doesn't let you walk on the side of the sidewalk that's closer to the street, etc

has the warmest hugs

can literally hug you for hours if you let him

secretly plans to pop out the question in the near future

buys you anything you want. anything.

respects your opinions SO MUCH, it's ridiculous

has the boyfie vibe somehow, so people don't hit on him anymore

chanyeol can see how much he changed because of you, how he's much more bubbly now

"you made him worse!!" (joking)

zhang yixing:

nicest boyfriend out there

dude is just soooo chill, your friends adore him

shows you random stuff on your phone just so you can laugh about it together

hands you his jacket whenever you're cold, but scolds you for not taking one with you

calls you a lot whenever he's away

you'll have to take care of his cats, i'm sorry

does this thing where he kisses both your temples before kissing your lips when he has to say goodbye to you before traveling

passes out beside you on bed while you're talking about a nice recipe you saw on tiktok

doesn't bring up marriage if you don't

really, really hopes you do

byun baekhyun:

i hate him, but congrats to you, i guess

ugh he's just so sweet

takes you out EVERYWHERE, like picks you up at your place

always has a smile on his face when he's around you

asks you about your day and listens to carefully

holds your hand while driving

charms your mom with helping her on the kitchen, it's like a scene straight out of a movie

sings 24/7, so your house is never silent anymore (your neighbors hate you though)

has a whole way of talking that's for you and for you only

you can't trick me baekhyun, i know you must have at least one (1) flaw

kim jongdae:

sunshine boyfriend

let's you sleep in whenever you feel like it

clears some space on his wardrobe/drawers for your clothes and things

"jagi, can we cuddle?"

has so much fun playing with you, you're literally he's best friend

always places bets with you

lots of kisses on your cheek

randomly smiles to you because he knows it makes you happy to see him smile

likes to take you away for the weekend, just you and him

loyal af

park chanyeol:

the "it's okay, i got it" boyfriend

personal uber driver, takes you everywhere if you let him

really, reaaally stubborn

can't sit still, is always looking for something to do with you

"did you see they opened a new bowling place downtown?"

purposely leaves his things at your place

his house is way bigger than yours but he doesn't care

plays guitar while you cook dinner

kisses you everytime you feed him

loves when you sleep on top of him

do kyungsoo:

he's comfort embodied in a person

likes to have breakfast with you, it's like his favorite part of the day

bonds with your pet if you have one (and they love him)

saves new videos on youtube to watch it with you

is in charge of cooking, always

asks you to help him shave just because

gets excited whenever something good happens to you

is your number 01 supporter

loves when you cuddle closer to him in your sleep

shy forehead kisses whenever he can't find the words to express his feelings

kim jongin:

cutest, most caring boyfriend

respects you more than anything in this world

listens to you so carefully whenever you have something to say

is willing to fix some of his bad habits for you

needs constant reassurance that you love him, just because he loves you so much and can't stand the thought of you falling out of love

laughs so hard at your jokes, and they're not even that funny

pays for every meal but lets you pay for his coffee so you won't feel bad

helps you choose your outfits

loves when you play with his hair

wanna have a baby with you so bad

oh sehun:

gets offended whenever someone treats you badly

"why didn't you tell me?? i would've give them a piece of my mind"

smirks whenever he sees you wearing his clothes, he just loves it

calls you whenever he can't go see you

encourages you to go see your friends, especially when he can't be around

but let's be honest, he's attached to you by the hip

rolls his eyes whenever you baby him, but secretly loves it

stares at you dearly when you're talking to his hyungs or his family

lets you play with his fingers when you're bored or too shy to talk to people

dude is so in love it's actually sickening

[drewharrisonwriter]

Donor

Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Pairings: Bestie Henry Cavill x OFC A/N, Warnings: 18+, Talk of artificial insemination, peeing in a cup, sperm, and more. LOL I wrote this in an hour, IDK where I pulled this from. Not beta-ed. Also, I'm pretty sure this doesn't make so much sense in terms of plot, and being realistic. But come on, let this delulu queen live her life. You're welcome to join. Summary: You ask (beg) your best friend, Henry to donate--sperm.

I’m AO3, too as MoonDjarin ^_^

“Hank, pleaaaase…” You pleaded, dragging the last word. Henry laughed at your frustration but still could not wrap his head around what you’re asking of him.

���You’re going insane.” He jokes, causing you to drop your back on the carpet with a soft thud, covering your face with your palms as you landed.

“It’s just like peeing in a cup.” Your reply came out muffled. Henry just snorted and tried his best to stifle a laugh.

Nearly 18 years of friendship and here you are, seemingly at the end of your rope, asking your best friend to father the child you so ache for and he laughs at your ridiculous solution, telling you he’s not going to be responsible for a “turkey baster baby”.

“I don’t like peeing in a cup. Besides, why go the turkey baster way when you can go… au naturelle?”

“You know exactly why…” You said, sitting up, and gathering the profiles of sperm donors from the (sperm) bank. You and Henry had been going through each profile over the past few hours, laughing and making faces at the notes.

“And I thought Tinder was bad.” He commented earlier.

Henry got up and took the bottles of beer on the coffee table and walked back to the kitchen to open new ones.

“Tell me why won’t you do it?” You asked him, eyes round and glazed with tears that are threatening to fall any second.

He hates seeing you like this.

He sighed and admitted, “If I were to have any children of my own, I’d rather have them borne out of love and not out of… desperation after a really bad break up.”

“But I’m not asking you to be… a father. Just a donor.” You countered.

"Darling, please. Reaaally think about what you're asking of me."

"I have! I wouldn't be asking you if I haven't. Come on, Hank..."

"Right, not more than an hour after dropping sperm bank Tinder and you've thought this through." He said sarcastically and you pouted.

"Well, think about it, too!" You asked of him. "It's the ideal situation."

"How? Tell me exactly why it's so ideal." He said, running a hand through his face and resting his chin on his palm as he waited for your brilliant idea.

"Well, first of all, we love each other. So the child won't be borne not out of love." You began, mocking his accent and his statement from earlier. He snickered and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Jesus," He muttered.

"Plus, I won't ask you for anything, Hank. No child support, no emotional support. You don't have to see them. You're not even going to be on the birth certificate."

Henry winced at each of your points. "Darling, you know so well that I'm always your emotional support. And d'you really think I can go around just being Uncle Hank?” He replied with an eye roll as he took a sip of his beer.

"Yeah, how hard could that be?" You exclaimed.

"Very." He said sternly, looking you straight in the eye.

"Y/N." He began. "You know so well I won't be able to sit here with you holding a child knowing it's mine and not be involved in all ways."

“God, you’re too emotional.” You rolled your eyes at his response as you drank from your beer bottle.

“I am! And I’m sorry, darling. I can’t just give away my children. They’re not the meals you make for me every week.”

You laughed at that. "So you admit it, you don't like the meals I prep for you?"

"That's beside the point."

You'll get back to that later. You sighed out loud as you both drank.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why do you desperately want this?”

That ought to get you thinking hard.

You sighed and asked yourself the same thing, reflecting on what started this vision of yourself with a child, and what turned it to longing and aching, then desperation.

Growing up without present parents, you basically become an extended Cavill sibling. The sister they never had, or as the youngest Cavill, Charlie, would like to joke, the no-choice sister. That family took you in like their own kin, having you over for dinner almost every evening, and spending weekends and vacations with them.

It's not that you're not well off, financially. Your parents were just really successful actors who don't pay you much any attention but showers you with plenty of lavish gifts and an American Express Black card. Which, Henry's mother found really heartbreaking and his father pitied you on.

You were 15 when you met Henry. He was already a budding actor with a couple of productions and a movie or two in his portfolio. You were a bright and young singer-songwriter from Italy, about to break it into the English-language audience with a catchy single that Henry happened to star in the music video of.

It was easy falling into a friendship with Henry. He was kind, funny, a little nerdy, but he's also such a gentleman, and treats you and talks to you like an equal despite the five-year age gap.

It didn't take long before you met his family when he invited to his birthday party. You didn't know exactly how the events played out that day, but somehow, at the end of it all, you walked out of their home being a part of it.

You got along so well with his brothers, you and his mother already sharing secrets. You figured she was excited to have a girl in the house as none of her children would bring their girlfriends for them to meet. His father was so easy to please, a couple of jokes here and a few football arguments there, and you won his heart. Not like you were even trying, but you were glad that you got along with all of them.

Henry drove you home that night and when he parked in your empty driveway, he jumped out to open the door for you. You cried in the passenger seat with the door open and he stood there, leaning on the doorframe as you confessed to him your jealousy and longing for that kind of family.

He pulled you in and wrapped you in a tight hug beneath the street lamp.

"Hank, you know so well there is nothing I want more in life at this moment than to have a family."

"I don't get it, Y/N." He said quietly, "You're definitely the smartest person I know. You're a literal genius..." He thought of your first few conversations on the set of your first English-language music video, and learning that not only you spoke several languages fluently, but you are also about to start university at such an early age. It impressed him so much.

"You've accomplished so much in your career, you're still young, there are so many things you can do with your life, why do you go back to this?" He asked and you just shrugged.

"I feel incomplete. What can I say? A dream is a dream."

"Gerry was a dream, too." He said and you looked at him surprised at bringing up your ex fiancé.

He was indeed a dream. You met Gerry at an evening talk show as a fellow guest. He didn't hide the fact that he was so enamored by you and that he's such a big fan of your music. You, being a fan of him, too, was just so happy to hear him say all that in person.

It was an instant connection, and it didn't take long for you and Gerry to start a long, and at the time, seemingly, lasting and perfect relationship.

"Sorry." He muttered. "But it makes me wonder, you never talked about it, just casually said that things didn't work out. Knowing you, things don't just not work out like that."

And he's right, you know he's right.

Gerry loves you a lot. You love him, too. But for all the years you've been together with the high-profile action star, the talk of kids almost never came up, at least the serious talk about kids. Until you brought it up soon after he proposed, and he confessed that he had a vasectomy shortly before you met.

You were not mad. You understood, vasectomies are reversible. But Gerry didn't want to have it reversed, ever. He admitted that the reason he got it in the first place was to not accidentally have kids as he fully intended to be childless.

You understood that, too. But it broke your heart.

Regardless, you had a clean break up, but never felt the need to tell people, even your friends or family as to why. Just that things didn't work out.

"Gerry didn't want to start a family." You told Henry.

"What?" He asked, surprised. His brows furrowed and his mouth hung slightly open at your revelation. You just nodded.

"I don't understand, you were to be married." You just nodded again, and took a sip of your beer. You told him the truth about Gerry, and Henry felt his heart breaking for you.

Henry reached for your hand from across the coffee table, enveloping your tiny hands in his big ones.

"And that's a deal breaker for you." He said softly, coming to the realization.

"Yeah." You replied. "So... there you go."

"But you know what comes after the last one, right?"

"What?"

"The next one." He joked, trying to make the air in the room lighter. He smiled at his success when you snickered.

"I'm tired, Hank. Tired of getting to know new people. I've been with Gerry for four years, and before that... well you know." It was Henry's turn to snicker.

He knows so well. All the heartbreaks, disappointments, even the rebounds, met most of them. He was always there at your highest of highs, and always down with you when things didn't work out.

"I get that." He finally answered, thinking about his own strings of ex girlfriends, and an ex-fiancé. At one point, you both feel very proud of the situation you found yourselves in, both engaged to beautiful people at the same time.

You even toasted to it last New Year's eve, not knowing that both promises of a lifetime of love would fall apart in a matter of months. He, too, wanted what you wanted. A family of his own, being the only one amongst his brothers to be single and childless.

He thought he might have had that with his ex fiance. Telling him she was pregnant when she caught a whiff of him about to break things off. He was caught off guard when she told him and he didn't even waste a moment to put a ring on her finger, falling for her lies.

Maybe it was not so bad, making your dream come true. You can always discuss co-parenting, he thought and he's sure you'd allow it.

He pondered on it some more.

Henry rested his head on the cool glass top of the coffee table, his hand never left yours. He let out a breath, fogging the glass beneath him as he gently squeezed your hand.

He shut his eyes tight, and muttered to himself, "Please don't make me regret this."

"What?" You asked, not quite hearing what he said.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, I'll do it. I'll--be your turkey baster baby's donor."

With that you burst out crying and he stood up, took your hand and guided you to his arms. He wrapped you up in that big, warm hug, that you always find comfort in.

"Set an appointment in the morning, darling." He whispered and you cried some more and muttered a yes, thank you.

18 years of friendship with Henry Cavill, and this is where you find yourself: at a crossroads that neither of you could have predicted.

The weight of his decision settled between you like a tangible presence, and as you hugged each other tightly, you knew that this was a turning point in your relationship, an uncharted territory.

Read next part: Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[takotakigum]

summer, night — itoshi sae

characters: itoshi sae x gn!reader

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, established relationships, sae and his skincare, absolute word vomit, sleepy reader, and idiots in love.

word count: 1.3k

synopsis: itoshi sae loves two things: listening to you talk and doing skincare with you.

note: the nicknames/callsigns “mi corazon” means “my heart”.

aged up characters | please read at your own risk!

when out after a long day, a quick shower would certainly suffice enough for you to comfortably rest, right?

not really. at least, not when itoshi sae is your partner.

“do you want to do a face mask tonight? we’ve been out all day.” sae states—not ask; like it should be. “no. i want to sleep.��� you whine when sae places you down on the counter near the bathroom sink, gently clearing away the bottles and containers of moisturizer out of the way. “you can sleep in a bit. i mean, after this.” as your arms try to hold onto sae’s nape for longer, stray droplets of water acting as a bond between the two of you for you to decide that you can’t let go; however, sae easily breaks the embrace apart to look at you directly with his eyes.

much to your weak protests, sae takes two identical hair wraps to secure over your hairline, his fingers dropping slightly to soothe over your pouting cheek. “pink suits you.” a smug smile itches to widen on sae’s mouth, but his gaze is as still as ever. “‘cause it’s your color, right?” his lips now form a smirk, his eyes half-lidded as he takes in your face blooming a casual smile.

your own fingers mindlessly play with the loose threads of sae’s towel, and despite your exhausted demeanor, you grab the other headband from sae’s free hand and prepare to place it on his. however, even though it’s a quick process, you move with slow steps. your palm hovers over sae’s forehead while your fingers diligently comb through his damp hair, untangling some fractions of hair—but ultimately—messing with sae’s blunt bangs.

“that’s enough. i thought you were tired?” now, he pouts; and sae drags your hand away from his ruffled, messy hair. “i am. reaaally tired!” sae listens to your exaggerated complaints, one hand holding onto yours as he rummages through the miniature refrigerator on the other side of the countertop in which he stores his face masks. “mhm,” sae hums to you until he finally finds a perfect mask for the both of you to relish in.

“you had fun though, didn’t you?” while sae opens the packet, he awaits for your answer. his knuckles graze over your cheek to ensure that your skin is dry, although sneaking in a subtle boop on your nose as he passes by it. “i did have fun, lots of it.” and as your grin is competing with your droopy eyes from the memory of the day, your body suddenly jolts and your eyebrows scrunch together. sae curses himself, perhaps—because he frowns at the realization that he wasn’t able to glance at the possibility of that toothy of a grin you might’ve showed. however, when his fingertips softly start to smoothen out the creased material, you start to relax: eyes fluttering for a few more moments before fully closing as your lungs let out a deep sigh of breath. so, somehow, it makes up for the lost smile.

“you were saying, mi corazon?” with the excess moisture of the face mask left on his fingers, he rubs it on your neck as if indicating for you to speak. “it’s so cold, it’s like you’re purposely trying to wake me up.” you mumble, head feeling heavy when you tilt your head up to look at sae from your eyelashes. “you- i meant about you having fun today, stupid.” sae pokes at your side with a sting of annoyance, and once more you jolt, letting out a sore squeal. “it was really nice, i missed going on long dates with you. well, you know, when it’s that peaceful. it was…” as you’re reminiscing, sae starts to open up the second face mask for his face; and you only realize because of the cool fragrance making it’s way to your senses in unintentional attempts to wake you up.

your arms feel light—or perhaps heavier than usual, you can’t really tell at this state—when you reach up at sae’s bare face. your vision dims, it goes so blurry that the only illuminating figure in front of you is sae. right now, he looks ethereal. sae’s features—the overly gentle ones you are exclusively only allowed to see—staring right at you. your breath hitches, and it almost stops. because sae’s face looks like it’s inching closer, his own breath of air being shared with your proximity.

“yeah? come on, tell me more.”

and so you do.

you tell him how nice the weather was, how surreal the day was because everything you stumbled upon seemed purely out of luck. then, you tell sae how you felt the whole day, how you had to stop yourself from doing little jumps of excitement when he took you to the multiple local street vendors all around the area where you both had the main date. and you continue on, recalling every little detail you had felt, remembering every little gesture sae had done—all of it, you tell to sae.

somewhere along you babbling on, sae’s already removed the lukewarm face masks from both your faces and disposed of it already. and when you finally notice, you’re beyond hyperaware of sae’s light, gentle fingers massaging the excess hydration serum that came with the face mask all over your face.

it’s so soft, you realize. warm, too. your eyes follows the subtle movements of sae’s wrist as you feel all the precise motions sae does on your face. “and…uhm…” even your voice starts to drift off, your head going blank as it weighs itself completely on sae’s palms. “mi corazon,” sae calls out once, and it echos through the bathroom much like a whisper from a dream. “everything you said wasn’t a lie, no?” sae’s voice keeps getting quieter, but you’re still aware that you’re not yet asleep, only heavy eyes are your challenge. “‘s all the truth, loved it so much.” sae now removes your hair wrap with a level of caution he’s never even known is possible, afraid of disturbing such a moment with you.

“…i see. would you like to go on a date like that again?” soon. sae also hopes. and his own excitement bursts through the limits when he feels your head attempt a weak—but repetitive—nod on his hand caressing your cheek. “mhmm. but,” you murmur so timidly it worries sae. “but? what’s wrong, mi corazon?” sae stops himself from pinching your cheek for an immediate answer, so instead, he waits. he waits for over what feels like his whole life as his thoughts come circling over his mind invasively.

“but i’m really sleepy right now.” it’s laughable, really. at least, for sae it is. because his cheekbones are so evident, he doesn’t know if he wants you to see his less composed self or if he wants to keep the feeling a secret for the time being.

“i know you are.” with sae’s tender smile not faltering, he leans into you a bit closer, grabbing something from behind you. “let’s skip everything else but this for now.” sae wants to laugh, truly. because you nod, even if you didn’t know what he’s talking about. with exactly four pumps of his moisturizer, sae carefully spreads it all over your face until it’s perfectly coated all over. quickly, sae does it for his own face before abruptly stopping when you weakly whine for wanting to go to bed to finally fall asleep properly.

and so, sae complies. he picks you up from the countertop, securing your legs around his hips as he walks you both to your shared bedroom. thanking sae, you bring your head away from his shoulder to place a feather of a kiss on his cheek. “thank you,” once more, you kiss his porcelain skin. “for always taking care of me.” sae slowly descends you onto the bed, you back immediately sinking on the mattress as sae’s body hovers over you. his parted lips dare not leave a mark on your cared for face.

“why wouldn’t i care for you?” is the last mumble of words sae releases into the solemn moonlit night as his body delicately cuddles on top of yours with a body and soul all mended for you.

© takotakigum | do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works.

[milliesfishes]

Omg hiii I hope you're well. I reaaally like your writing so here is my silly little ask.

You know the song 18 by Anarbor? Well that but with billy and 1870s version.

She's the daughter of some rich people who obviously disapprove of people like billy. They become friends, and soon become something... More. But billy is certain that she's only with him to piss off her parents and doesn't actually love him so he's a bit distressed (she is, obviously).

So, there's that! Thanks in advance xxx

꣑ৎ౨ৎI Know What You Want From Me꣑ৎ

[fem reader] contains: slight manipulation, controlling parents, period pains pairing: billy the kid x fem reader summary: you get with billy as a way to get back at your parents author’s note: thank you anon <3 love this one Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

Billy's careless good looks drew you to him first.

When you saw him out mending a fence on your parents' ranch, all sweaty and tall and broad, you instantly rushed to ask who he was. One of the staff told you he was helping your father out with a few things on the ranch; that his name was Billy. She didn't know much else, though.

You made the connection once she said his name. Billy the Kid. An outlaw for whom you'd seen wanted posters in the papers. The picture didn't do him justice at all in your opinion.

Even though he'd been described as dangerous, the man you saw rustling cattle didn't seem that way. He was quiet, you observed, speaking with the other ranch hands and your father when he came out to inspect their work, but mostly keeping to himself. The only scary thing about him was the gun on his hip, but that was a commonality amongst almost every man around here. Besides, would your father have let him on your property if he was a threat?

From afar you observed him for a week. He was a diligent worker. Your father was begrudgingly impressed by his quality, even though he wasn't fond of the fact that Billy had a history with the law. He wouldn't hire him on as a permanent ranch hand due to this, but Billy was as good as one. Even though your father insisted he was just "helping around".

Billy, from what you could see, was just a man trying to make an honest living. And you enjoyed watching him make an honest living. When he'd roll up his sleeves on a hot day and you'd catch a glimpse of his forearms you nearly went weak at the knees.

He made his way into your daydreams, sweeping you off your feet and doing unspeakable things to you. You dreamt of him climbing through your window in the middle of the night and pulling the covers back on your bed and climbing on top of you.

Out of sheer curiosity, you approached him one day when he was taking a break leaning against the same fence where you'd first seen him. He'd tipped his hat politely at you. "Ma'am."

You nearly swooned but composed yourself enough to keep talking to him. He'd looked at you interestedly as you spoke, engaging with you and taking his hat off so he could really look at you. Even though you'd approached him because you found him compelling, you found that you liked talking to him. He listened to you, really listened to you, and you felt like he actually cared about what you had to say. It was invigorating.

As the weeks passed, you continued to talk to him, and he gradually became more open to you. Billy told you things about his life; stories his late mother and where he'd been riding the past few years. You'd been worried at first that he'd only been being cordial to the daughter of his boss until he did start to tell you things.

Your father was less than enthusiastic about this new friendship, but he hardly said anything. His displeasure was shown through the way he'd call you away from talking to Billy, and the little comments he'd make about how much time you were spending with him now. His feelings were noted, but you didn't act on it.

"You're to go to the party at the Hamilton's place tomorrow evening," your father said one evening at dinner. Next to him, your mother nodded enthusiastically.

"Is there a reason?" you inquired, pushing food around your plate.

"Their son has shown an interest in you," your father responded casually.

"Oh." The Hamilton's son your age was odious to say the least. He had wandering hands and below the bare minimum of manners. You sat up straighter. "I don't know that I'm interested in him."

"You will be," was your father's simple answer. He folded his newspaper. "You've yet to find a suitable match, so I've arranged this one for you."

Furrowing your brow, you looked at your mother, who smiled. "This will be a good thing. It's very advantageous."

Immediately you shook your head. "But I don't want him to court me. I'm..." you tried to think of something. "I just..."

"We're a little past what you want," your father commented sharply. "If you wanted to choose you should have found someone ages ago. You've had every opportunity to do so."

His words were like a slap in the face. You hadn't chosen anyone because you hadn't found anyone to your liking. But had you known this was going to happen you would have gone with the first good enough man.

Standing up, you looked incredulously at your parents. "You never told me I was going to be arranged."

"It was obvious," your mother said dryly. "You really thought your father would let you pass three years without finding anybody? It's unthinkable, even for here out west."

Heart pounding, your breathing sped up. They were going to make you marry someone as awful as the Hamilton's son? All just to follow the pointless rules of high society's marriage mart? The only people who cared about things like that were those who'd come from elsewhere and settled. And those numbers were dwindling at best.

In your head you were screaming. But you couldn't do that on the outside too. So, you folded your napkin neatly and excused yourself with a calm voice.

The second you were out of the room you were tearing at your hair, terrified of what your future held. You were rapidly losing control. The tablecloth was pulled from underneath you, sending your porcelain life tumbling to the ground and shattering there.

You took yourself outside, trying to calm down and think logically. Just because they wanted the Hamilton boy to court you, didn't mean you had to marry him. But deep down inside you knew their mindset combined with your lack of action didn't make that idea promising.

Pacing back and forth across the porch, you looked out over the land for a distraction of any kind, your eyes landing on Billy, who was hauling lumber inside the barn. You were transfixed by him for a moment, by his strength, his build...he was the most beautiful man you'd ever seen in your life.

Before you knew it, your feet were moving, propelling you towards him. You had barely a thought in your mind, only pure want. The door was propped open, and you caught him halfway out, nearly knocking into him.

Holding your arms to steady you, he chuckled. "Hey." Then he noticed your look of distress, and his face fell. "Everythin' alright?"

Your chest was heaving, your hair windswept, your eyes wild. There was a rush of adrenaline as you looked up at him, taking in his rolled-up sleeves, his hot and sweaty skin, his hair curling and poking out from under his hat. And he cared. He cared whether or not you were okay.

In a split-second decision, you leaned up and kissed him suddenly, his lips warm and slightly chapped against yours. The kiss ended as quickly as it started, and you pulled back, slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry-"

Billy shook his head, looking dazed. "It's okay. I..." he lifted one hand to rest on your cheek. Looking back and forth between your eyes, he moved forward and kissed you, really kissed you this time. His lips moved against yours, and you'd never been kissed like this before. Not even close.

Your impulses still driving you, you reached down to the button of his pants, unhooking it and slipping your hand down inside. He let out a surprised noise at the movement, his own hand going to your wrist. Against your lips, he muttered, "Honey. What're ya-"

Breaking the kiss, you fell to your knees in front of him, pushing him against the open barn door. There was nobody else around- all the other ranch hands went home earlier. Billy's hand went to your hair, brushing it out of your face and holding you there. "You...you..."

His lips parted and the prettiest sound fell from them, spurring you on. Billy looked down at you in amazement, trying to keep quiet since you were out in the open. He gritted his teeth. "Oh...baby..."

When you were done, he pulled you back up, kissing you determinedly. You felt invigorated by the feel of it, by everything you'd just done and the fact that you'd done it to him.

Your lips broke from his, and he kept his eyes closed for just a moment. When he opened them and you saw the bright blue coupled with the desire reflected there, you wanted to get on your knees for him all over again.

"Walk me back up?" you whispered, and he nodded, bending his elbow so you could slip your hand into the crook. There were no words exchanged between the two of you during the journey back up to the house; neither of you felt the need.

Once he had you in front of the porch steps, he lifted his hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. "Is this...are we...?"

Aware your parents could be watching from the windows, you nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. If you want to be."

His eyes went hazy, and you knew he was thinking of you on your knees. "Yeah, honey, 'f course."

You heard a scuffle from behind the door of the house, and you pulled Billy by the handkerchief around his neck into you. Your lips met in a sloppy kiss, and he grunted against your mouth, but returned it. His hands found your waist, his big hands gripping you.

The front door swung open with a loud creak, and you looked up, pretending to be surprised when you saw your mother standing there, looking utterly shocked. You didn't pull away, not immediately anyways, kissing Billy on the cheek and softly whispering you'd see him tomorrow.

After he started to walk away, your mother grabbed you by the arm and pulled you up the steps, shutting the door behind you. Once you were inside the house, she hissed, "What are you playing at?"

Holding your chin high, you raised your eyebrows. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That boy, that..." she searched for the right word. "That outlaw. This is unacceptable."

You pulled your arm away, tossing your head proudly. "He likes me. And I like him. What's the harm?"

"The harm is that he's trouble," she said harshly, folding her arms. "No respectable girl from a good family could ever be seen with the likes of him."

"But you'd rather me be seen with the Hamilton's son?" you gave her a betrayed look. "I'd rather die." Then you walked right past her, going up the stairs to your room and quietly shutting the door. What you'd said and done was childish, but you were past caring.

You had taken your control back.

In Billy's life, he hadn't considered himself to be very lucky.

He'd lost so much and had a tough time of it for the most part, and so he hadn't had terribly high hopes for this new town. His employer wasn't terribly fond of him but he paid very well, giving Billy incentive to stick around.

Well, the pay wasn't the only reason.

You had sprung into his life like a flower in the spring, an unexpected, but welcome surprise. He'd been cautious at first, of course. After all, you were his boss's daughter, and a very pretty girl. If he wasn't careful, he could get in trouble.

He liked listening to you though. And the more time he spent with you, the more he wanted to kiss you. You found your way into his dreams, with your pretty eyes and soft tone.

And after that day in the barn...well, you were in more than just that.

Billy never had a girl before, not really. He'd had little flings every now and then, but you were something special. After your first meeting he knew you were the kind of girl someone kept around. You were the girl men rode miles for, the girl they showed off. You were the girl someone like him only met once in a lifetime, if at all.

So he knew he had to hold onto you while he could.

The only qualm he had with the nature of the relationship was the fact that he was certain you were only with him to upset your parents.

He was upset with himself for having any qualms at all, thinking he should be grateful he even had a chance. How many outlaws, present and former, got the chance to even look at a girl so perfect?

But the thought tainted every kiss, every touch, every word. Whenever you were visiting with him while he was working and one of your parents was nearby you would pull him in for a kiss or lean into him more than you were previously. He'd oblige of course- he liked both holding and kissing you. But it was an underlying thing that filled him with dread.

To your credit, you did all the same things with him when you were alone. And that was really what kept him going. Those intimate moments when nobody else was around.

You with your head in his lap under a tree. Whispering to him how handsome he looked. Kissing him softly and smiling into it.

He would twirl your soft hair between his fingers, studying you in the sunlight as you laid side by side in the soft grass. "You're a wildflower, y'know?"

That brought a smile to your face. "The only flower people ever said I was like is a rose."

Billy paused, then smoothed his hand over your hair again. "Nah. You're as pretty as one. But you're a wildflower through and through. Beautiful, found in unexpected places. It suits ya."

His words made your cheeks rosy, and he reveled in the sight. His pretty girl. You settled closer to him, your fingers lazily dragging up and down his arm. "You always say the loveliest things to me. I hate that I'm not nearly as good with words. I wanna say something pretty back."

Heart fluttering, he leaned in and kissed you softly, his thumb rubbing your cheek. When he pulled back, he met your eyes. "You give me lots already, honey."

"Oh, like when I suck-"

"You hush," Billy pinched your cheek and you giggled, your laugh like a swan song. "No. I mean ya spend time with me. Let me love on ya.”

Smiling softly, you leaned into him, burrowing into his arms. He pressed a long kiss to your hair, rubbing your back gently. You murmured, “You’re terribly good to me. I don’t deserve it one bit.”

Billy shook his head, staring up at the sky. “You deserve it more than you think.”

Despite his worries about whether or not this was real, he couldn’t help his feelings. And he knew it was hard, having family who wished to dictate things such as who you wanted to be with.

Angelic and lovely, you looked up at him with baby doll eyes. He knew right at that moment that he could be patient. If you were only in it to make your parents mad, all he could do was be good to you and hope someday you would develop real feelings.

Still, he tried to keep his own at bay. Why should he let himself fall hard if he might turn out to be a pawn in a bigger game?

He kept this mindset until one day when he knocked on your door, and you let him in, saying your parents weren’t home. It was off to a good start, that you wanted to spend time alone.

“Whatcha doin’ pretty?” Billy asked, following you into the kitchen.

“Baking a cake,” you said simply, turning to your mixing bowl. “Wanna help?”

He did indeed want to help. “Tell me what to do.”

You directed him to crack eggs and stir batter and measure flour. It was such a domestic thing to do, and he enjoyed every second of it

When you put the cake in the oven, you accidentally touched the rack and exclaimed in pain, snatching your hand back.

Billy rushed to you, taking your burnt hand in his and inspecting the wound. He clicked his tongue. “Oh, sweetheart…” Lifting his eyes, he expected to see you upset, maybe even about to cry, and he readied his arms to comfort you.

But instead you were giggling, your uninsured hand coming to cover your mouth. ��I’m so clumsy.”

The way you laughed and brushed off something painful was so endearing to him that he couldn’t help but crack a grin too. He lifted your hand to his lips, kissing the affected area. “You okay, baby?”

“Yeah,” you laughed, leaning your face into his shoulder and squeezing his hand. His heart thumped a steady beat, and he looked at you in awe.

And that’s when it hit him.

The realization itself was like a thunderbolt, but the feeling was not. The feeling had crept through the nooks of his heart and quietly made itself at home without him knowing. And now that he did, he wasn’t about to let it go.

Now he was even more determined to wait for you.

There was no way you didn’t at least feel a little bit of something. Not with the way you looked at him sometimes, the way your body naturally folded into his, the way you told him certain things like you’d never said them to anyone else.

So with that in mind he sat back and hoped it would grow.

Your parents were getting fed up, you could tell.

For the most part you tried to ignore it, reveling in their dissatisfaction. You were doing what you wanted for the first time in your life and they hated it.

It was a fun perk that Billy turned out to be the way he was.

The guilt you’d felt at first couldn’t be ignored. You’d tried to convince yourself that you were doing it for the right reasons, but every way around you came to the same conclusion: what you were doing was wrong.

He was so kind, so considerate and caring toward you. Every day you spent with him it was proved even more. Billy made you feel special. He made you feel…

You didn’t want to say it yet. A deep, dark monster inside you said you didn’t deserve that. And you believed it.

Then there was one evening when he came over and your parents were at a gathering in town. They’d originally planned to bring you, but a bad bout of monthly cramps had left you curled up in your bed.

You heard a knock and shakily stood up, smoothing your hair and trying to look presentable. Thinking it was one of the staff, you were disarmed when you saw Billy standing in your doorframe.

“Hey baby,” he smiled in a jaunty way that made you swoon. “They told me I could come up.”

A little smile came to your face. “Hi.” Another pain rippled through your body, and you were reminded of why you were home. “Now’s not the best time for me to go out.”

He looked concerned. “Everything okay? Ya feelin’ alright?”

Hesitant to tell him, you blushed. You hated even telling your mother about your monthly.

Noting your embarrassment, Billy took your hand, squeezing it lightly. “It’s okay, pretty. You can tell me if ya want.”

His eyes were so kind. You’d always found comfort in the deep blue of them. And so surprisingly, you found what you hadn't wanted to tell him spilling out of you.

“I’m…I’m on my monthly and it hurts,” you said softly, looking down. Expecting him to be disgusted and recoil, you bit the side of your cheek.

Instead, Billy cooed sympathetically, holding out his arms and bringing you into him. Your head fell against his chest, the warmth of it easing your pained mind. He pulled you in so naturally, wholly unaware of how much it meant to you.

“Oh, my girl,” he murmured, kissing your hair. “‘M sorry, honey.”

His big arms were so comforting around you, and you murmured, “It hurts.” You’d already said that, but it was all your mind could focus on.

“I know, I know, sweet girl,” he rubbed your back and rested his chin on your head. “You wanna lie down? I can go-“

“No!” you shook your head, holding onto him tighter. “I mean…would you stay?” Holding your breath in anticipation, you were stunned by how easily he answered.

“‘f course, sweetie,” he guided you over to the bed, helping you lay down, and kicking off his boots before settling next to you. “D’ya want me to ask if someone can make ya some tea? Somethin’ nice?”

It sounded wonderful in the moment. “Please.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” he murmured, kissing your forehead before standing up. He was only gone for a few minutes, and when he came back he got right back in with you.

Billy held you so comfortably that you nearly cried. He reached a hand around your body, settling his gentle palm on your lower belly. “This feel alright?”

It felt wonderful. The warmth of him against you eased the ache of your back and abdomen. “Yes. Oh yes.” You squeezed his arm. “Thank you.”

“‘s no problem. Can’t have m’ baby hurtin’,” Billy brushed the fingers of his other hand through your hair soothingly. “You relax, honey. Lemme help ya feel better.”

You nearly burst into tears at how nice he was being. There wasn’t a time in your life when you could remember feeling this cared for, this…

Loved.

That familiar guilt overwhelmed you as your own feeling consumed you. Love. You loved him. And you didn’t know how you’d ever felt anything other than that toward him.

Billy had shown you how it was supposed to be. Love did not take sides or favors. Love was a strange thing. It gave you wings, made you feel more alive than ever. Even here lying in your bed in pain it invigorated you.

Suddenly you wanted to tell him everything. You wanted to apologize over and over for how you’d used him at first, but then tell him you loved him. As many times as he needed to hear to believe you.

For now you tried to focus on getting over your cramps. You would gather your bearings and then find some way to confess. To bare your soul to someone you selfishly never expected to feel this way towards.

It was at the forefront of your mind for the next while. You were nervous about your feelings. There had never been a time in your life when you’d felt this way.

Normally while he was working on the ranch you’d go down and kiss him or make a big show of throwing your arms around him where one of your parents could see. But now you didn’t feel motivated to display yourself like that.

Instead you’d pull him in the barn, or behind the house and kiss him shyly. Even though you’d done a whole lot more than that, now that you’d realized certain feelings.

Your guilt held you back. You shouldn’t have dragged him into this. But you also knew that initially going in, you couldn’t honestly say that you had no feelings for him.

This was on your mind at dinner one night, when something your mother said cause you to snap out of your daze.

“You’re not to see that boy again.”

Brow furrowing, you looked between your parents, trying to determine if it was real. “What?”

“You’ve had your fun,” she said firmly. “But this little phase is over.”

“It’s not a phase,” you said quietly, and it empowered you that it was true. “I care about him.”

“Our image has suffered enough from your recklessness,” your father cut in as he cut his steak. “You denied the perfectly good match we made for you all to parade around town with an outlaw.”

He said the word as if it were dirty, and your mother agreed. “Unthinkable. The Hamilton’s boy was well connected, had a good inheritance-“

“Please stop.” Your lip was nearly bleeding from biting on it. “I don’t want to stop seeing Billy. He’s not what you think.”

“A man who’s wanted in several counties,” your father scoffed and you felt annoyance simmer. “I highly doubt it.”

“Daddy, you hired him,” you protested in disbelief. “He’s a good worker. You’ve said he’s a good worker.”

“Just because he can haul a few hay bales he’s a good person?” your mother laughed. “That doesn’t make him appropriate for you.”

“I’m not going to stop seeing Billy,” you shook your head, your heart beating faster in fear as you saw your words take in your parents’ minds.

They both stared at you, and you shrunk under their eyes. You folded your arms over yourself. “I-“

“Unacceptable,” your father said sharply. “After all we’ve done for you, I can’t understand how you could be so ungrateful.”

“Daddy-" you tried, your voice choking.

“End it.” His words were final. He promptly got up from the dinner table, and you heard the door to his office slam a few minutes later. Your mother gave you a cold look and left as well.

Sitting in the dining room, all you felt was panic. Your chest was constricting, and you were desperately trying to fill your lungs with air. Hot tears pricked at your eyes, and you put a shaky hand on your heart as if that would steady the rapid beating.

Knees wobbling, you stood, nearly knocking your chair backwards. Your feet somehow carried you to the front porch, where you stumbled forward and grasped the pole by the steps. It was like a lifeline in a storm. There, you dissolved into tears, your body shaking as you gripped the pole like it was your savior.

The very idea of ending things with Billy just when you were realizing how much you cared about him, how much you needed him...it made you hysterical. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to stop your tears and failing miserably.

"Sweetheart?"

You looked up, eyes widening. Billy was standing in front of you looking concerned. He took a step towards you and instantly you were running to him, collapsing into his arms.

"Baby, baby," he breathed, trying to steady you. "Hey, why don't you take some deep breaths f' me? C'mon, just follow mine. Count 'em. In, out. You can do it." His chest rose and fell against your body, and you matched him the best you could through your unsteady breaths. You loved him all the more for not trying to fix it right away.

"There ya go...that's m' girl," he praised, smoothing your hair as you became steadier. "Good... keep breathin', honey. You're doin' so good."

Pulling your face away from his chest, you grasped at the collar of his shirt. "I...I need...to tell you something..."

"You can tell me anythin' ya want," he promised, rubbing your back. "But I don't want ya to be all worked up when ya do. We got all night, sweet girl. Just breathe."

Billy's words worked wonders on you, and you started to gradually calm down. He guided you through it, easing you into steady breathing before he let you tell him what was on your mind.

"My parents want me to end it with you," you said softly, tugging on his shirt collar. "They told me tonight...I..."

His face was solemn, but he nodded. "I understand."

"But I don't want to," you breathed, a fresh wave of tears falling down your face.

Billy's brow was knitted. "Why not?" It was almost like he was expecting you to break it off; like he'd been anticipating it.

You took in a deep breath. "Billy...I did a bad thing when I first kissed you. I was angry at my parents for trying to control me and I knew it would make them angry too. But..." you took his face in your hands. "It would be wrong of me to say I never cared about you. I've wanted to tell you for weeks. I...I love you."

Frozen for a second, Billy stared at you. Then he bowed his head slightly. "Ya love me?"

"How could I not?" you breathed.

There was hardly half a second between his words and him scooping you up into his arms and holding you close, one arm under your bottom to hold you up and the other at the back of your head. Your legs wrapped around his waist, and he kissed the spot where his face was buried in your neck. "I love you. I love you, I love you, my wildflower. Been waitin' on ya but it was all worth it."

"You love me," you murmured, testing it out. Of course, it felt wonderful on your tongue.

"I love you." Billy pulled back and kissed you tenderly, then pressed equally soft kisses to your nose and your cheeks.

"You're not angry with me?" you asked in disbelief. Based on your past experiences with wrongdoing you thought he'd leave, hold a grudge, curse you out. But he'd instead held you the way you needed and told you he loved you.

"Baby, everything you told me," he breathed a laugh, nudging his nose against his. "I knew."

"You-" you closed your eyes for a second. "That must have been awful, I'm so sorry-"

"All forgiven a long, long time ago," Billy assured you, his lips on your forehead now. "I love you. Ain't nothin' or no one gonna change that. You're wonderful in every possible way. I'd be a fool to let go of ya."

Laughing once in disbelief, shock, and delight, you threw your arms around his neck, kissing him sweetly.

The two of you were right back on the porch of your parents' house, but this time you weren't kissing him so someone would see. No, you thought. I'm kissing him for me.

[theyapper0]

Litte details abt my Hazbin rewrite that i wanna share :)

OK SO!!! IT'S DOOOOOONEEEE!!!!!!

So I FINALLY finished drawing out everything I wrote out for some major plot point in my hazbin rewrite 😋 BUT!!!

There's some things that I have made art of or talked about that are sorta important (but they're really not, just some silly things that I pictured in this that I never got the chance to talk about yet LOL!!!)

If you don't really care, feel free to skip this but there are some little doodles here too that will basically get all my points across just as well!

-So first point, I've touched on this a little bit here but Niffty and Husk are BROS. Like fr ride or die with each other.

In this rewrite, I want Niffty to have been an overlord like Husk (or at least just as powerful as he is because I feel like Alastor is EXTREMELY attracted to power and he wouldn't just make deals with weak as shit people unless he was gaining something GRAND).

But Husk and Niffty, they both.... really hate Alastor. I think Husk is much more vocal with his hatred towards Alastor but do NOT be fooled, NIFFTY WANTS HIS ASS IN THE GROUND TOO!!!!!!

And I think it's because of this hatred, because of this shared, unfortunate situation that they've both found themselves in in regards to being contracted to the Radio Demon, I think they are really close. Like, they look out for each other and watch each others backs because who else is gonna do it? ALASTOR? LOL!!!!

-Here's my Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb designs!! I realized when I was making all those drawings for the rewrite that I never drew them! So here they are! 😋

Pentious has prosthetic arms that he made himself not too long after he arrived in Hell YEARS AGO bc I wanted to REAAALLY lean into the whole snake thing. And I also made him more steampunk-y because I think it's cool and that he'd look super adorable with little gear markings on his scales

And I read that Cherri died in around the 80's so I wanted to give her an aussie rocker look LMAOO Wild hair, big ol' hoop earrings and tattered clothes because she's COOL!!

-Niffty is the (m)hotel's maid/rooms keeper still (and it was only SLIGHTLY degrading in the beginning). The biggest reasons Alastor made her the maid is because of her OCD (he's an old man from the 1930's, he thinks OCD means being a neat freak) and because she is able to control all kinds of insects and vermin- which the hotel is INFESTED with

Niffty is also the only one with a spare key to Charlie and Vaggie's house, she's honestly the one they trust the MOST out of everyone at the hotel to have a key to their place in case of an emergency (and she only abuses it SOMETIMES)

-HUSK IS NOT THE HOTEL BARTENDER IN THIS!!!!!!

When I designed the hotel to look more like a motel, obviously there was no place to put a bar and I WANTED THAT! Like, I understand the humor in having a bar in a rehabilitation facility (it IS REALLY FUNNY I KNOW) but I really don't think that, even in this, neither Charlie or Vaggie would allow Alastor or Angel or anyone else to tell THEM what the hotel needs.

Like, they LITERALLY built this place with their BARE HANDS, I think they're both verrrry resistant to any changes and such that others may want to implement (for both the good and bad), even if that person was THE Radio Demon

So instead, Alastor had brought him in as a sorta bodyguard for the hotel (as a huge middle finger to Vaggie, who is not only the hotel manager but also is a very ready protector of this place)

(Husk DOES still sell liquor though, like that is something that is totally happening, it's just very hush-hush. He keeps it in his room and sells it to the patrons of the hotel (sometimes Pretentious and most of the time it's just Angel. Charlie and Vaggie have no idea this is happening))

(Niffty 100% knows since she's the one who cleans the rooms but she wouldn't sell out Husk because that's her bro)

-And speaking of the Radio Demon!!! Neither Charlie or Vaggie are scared of him. I mean, they're not really scared of him in canon (they could be sometimes tho ig)

Charlie is one of the strongest beings in Hell and Vaggie is (secretly) an angel who, as far as they all know, can't be killed by a Sinner. So neither of them are really threatened by him. Vaggie definitely voices this more than Charlie does, in fact, Charlie is almost always more than happy to just let Alastor talk and threaten as much as he wants because she's not violent and is very humble (that's what good people do, right?)

Alastor is also just as good of a Facility Manager of the Hazbin Hotel as he is in canon, and by that I mean he does not do his job and when he does, he sucks at it LOLLLL. He is very unhelpful.

-Sundays are the only day where the hotel isn't doing any reformative work/lessons so it's everyones' day off (it's holy day AMEN!) 

(Charlie WOULD make them pray on Sundays if it wasn't for the fact that every time she would try to guide a prayer, she would bleed from every hole in her body) 

-AND THE LAST POINT IS....

The Hazbin Hotel doesn't JUST do lessons in goodness, they also teach about the 10 Commandments and go on “field trips” to do volunteer work (soup kitchens, cleaning parks, helping Hell with one smile at a time :)

Thanks for reading and be sure to check in tomorrow for the first page of a comic retelling Charlie's meeting with Adam in episode one!!!

[tinylittlepolly]

g/t thought of the day

recently i've just been. obsessed with this so here goes!!

imagine you're a tiny (10cm/4in).

you have been living with a giant for a long time now, you're very comfortable with eachother. you don't need to ask for basic things like being picked up and put on higher places, and they don't really need to ask for stuff like if it's ok to do so.

you often hang out together, chill together, sleep together, etc.

you spend most of the time on the giant, whether it be riding them around the house, sleeping in their pockets, or just sitting on their hand while talking to them.

they often let you sleep in their pockets, but you most commonly sleep in their hands, in their hair, or (your favorite spot bc of how soft it is), their chest.

you like sleeping there. it's nice and soft, it's always really warm, you have a good view of the giant's face so you can check up on them whenever, and you can hear their heartbeat and breathing. it's a good spot to be in whenever you're worried they're not doing too well.

usually whenever you go to lay down on their chest, you can feel their breathing even out, as well as their heartbeat slowing down a bit. they seem to feel very at ease with you by their side.

one day however, this changes. you climb up from the side to go and lay down in your favorite position as always, interrupting the giant who was about to ask something of you.

you tell the giant to go on, laying on their chest while looking up at them.

suddenly... for the first time in a while, it seems like their heartbeat starts increasing.

you wonder what could've brought about this sudden change, but as you at your big friend's face to see what it might be...

you see their entire face has turned a bright red, while they're sheepishly trying to cover their face with both their hands.

they suddenly seem reaaally embarrassed that you're laying on top of them, despite the fact that you've been doing so for years at this point.

they slowly speak up, lips trembling. "i... think i might... like you..."

"like... like you..."

you respond with nothing but a smile of agreement as they move their hands from their face towards you, pressing you against their chest in a warm and soft hug.

you'll probably be there for a long time, but you don't mind. you like being here. it's your favorite spot, after all. and it seems like it'll stay that way for a long time.

[proqhetic]

can u do like a bodyguard nat x popstar fem reader? maybe readers on tour. like huge sold out eras tour level. and nat's in charge of her security. maybe reader gets mildly irritated bc nat's walkie interrupts her all the time?

bodyguard!nat x popstar!fem reader

nat initially applies for the job because the pay is really good!! and the responsibilities are manageable

howeverrr, she forgot to account for the fact that now she has to wait on you hand and foot, which shes obviously not very happy about. . .

upon first meeting, nat despises you. refers to you as ‘spoiled’ and ‘princess’ behind your back or under her breath allll the time knowing it pisses you off.

she loves music — “real” music — and the “bubblegum synth pop bullshit” you sing (in her words) doesn’t count >:(

and yes, she knows she’s being petty and isn’t really giving you a chance, but at this point she really couldnt care less. doing everything a so-called diva would ask of her sounds pretty fucking nightmarish

having to hear her voice in your ear at all times is reaaally starting to get on your nerves. you find that just hearing her voice from the walkie talkies makes you want to scream! and rip your hair out!! (i wonder why…)

but as the tour goes on, you two inevitably grow closer because . well she’s supposed to be glued to your side at all times. and if there’s one thing you can rely on nat to do, it’s her job

say what you want about that girl, but she always does her job and she does it well !!!!

bickering and endless eyerolls turn into more lighthearted banter and teasing jokes eeeeekk

going out to a cafe on your off day and she’s accompanying you, and she’s teasing you as you two occupy the small two-seater table with your cute little coffee cups.

( nat wears her hair tied up in a bun, sunglasses, cargo pants, and a leather jacket — the androgynous outfit would throw any passer-by off >◡< )

“i can see the headlines now: ‘has the princess found her dashingly handsome prince charming?!’,” she giggles, waving her hands up as she announces her tabloid headline. you almost spit out the coffee in your mouth in laughter. “oh please, you wish. you know, you’re the only person who actually calls me that,” you respond, setting your cup down. “am i? well then, consider me honoured, princess.”

she starts showing up to your dressing room much earlier than when she needs to, just to spend more time talking and laughing with you <3

grows VERYY protective of you. likes physical touch with you a lot, just to remind you that you’re safe with her

she’ll keep a hand on the small of your back, or when you guys are in more intimate settings she’ll even hold your hand the whole way WAAAHDJS

she’s your biggest fan!! while she can’t be present to watch any of your shows in entirety because she’s on the job, she always tries to catch as much as she can & cheers super super loud !! (perpetually losing her voice)

she’s secretly started streaming your music a lot just to hear your voice . . the rest of the yjs are like ?????? who is this and where did emo punk rock nat go……

(secretly has a folder of edits of you on tiktok that she just likes to scroll through sometimes 😵‍💫)

sometimes when the stress and pressure of being on tour — not to mention the influx of hate comments online — get to you, nat will always be there to comfort you and reassure you, showering you in compliments and praise

“they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about, okay?” she says, her voice hushed. she found you sitting alone in your dressing room, doomscrolling under hate threads. she cups your face and continues, “they have nothing better to do with their— their sad lives, and are just aimlessly taking it out on a big name. because, you are so much more than that, okay? fuck, i’d be unemployed without you!” you can’t help but let out a soft laugh at that as nat laughs along, wiping your tears away with her thumbs.

admits to you that her impression of you has changed so much since you’ve both met. she thinks you’re one of the coolest people she’s ever met and admires you so much. this girl ADORES YOU!!!

she cant stop rambling really sweet confessions to you and you eventually cut her off with a kiss <33

the poor girl takes a second to process what’s happening, but the second she does she melts into the kiss, like she’s been waiting her whole life for this hhhjfjdhfjsh

dating her would just include lots more stolen kisses (and more🤭🤭) in between shows, as well as extra protective nat 25/8. they will have to pry you out of her cold dead hands!!!

and ofc, a shit ton of media coverage, speculation, and tabloids to deal with, aaand maybe a new lover-esque album from you coming soon? 🙈

a/n: HIHI i’m so sorry this one took so long😭😭 but i hope this is kinda what you were asking for!

[moonrisecoeur]

Hi! I reaaally love your work (and honestly other works) about sub!puppy Leon Kennedy. I'm not sure if there's an aftercare but can you please write about reader pampering him? Or maybe vice versa like Leon pampering the reader, I honestly don't know what else to add for this but yeah! Thank you so much in advance and I hope you're having a great day! 🤎🤎🤎

hey!! i actually haven’t written any puppy leon yet lol!! he’s been called puppy a number of times but like literally look at that man. he is doggo. he beloved sweet animal that deserves to be pet and loved!!

i don’t tend to write aftercare scenes but i can def do that!! i’ll do one for reader receiving aftercare and one for leon receiving aftercare, because subs and doms both need it!! <3

reader receiving:

leon gently rests you against the bed, pressing a sweet kiss to your temple as he grabs a towel to wipe off any messy fluids really quickly and grabbing you what wet you need before cuddling obvi!!

“sweetheart, you don’t have to—” you mumble to him, but he shushes you.

“no way, i’m going to take care of you, okay? just relax,” he says back, softly. his voice is always it’s most gentle in these moments, “do you need anything? water? a snack?”

“…could use some water,” you say as you hold onto him arm, which leaves him in a bit of a pickle.

“gonna need you to let go of me if i gotta grab water for you, honey,” he tries to convince you to let him go, laughing endearingly as you shake your head, “no? i can’t go?”

“no…”

“baby, i gotta go, i swear that i’ll be right back,” he pulls himself away before quickly retrieving you a bottle of water. it takes him merely 20 seconds, and it feels agonizing.

when he returns, he leaves it on the nightstand for you, and smiles when you drink it as he cleans you up, “good, glad you’re drinking it. that was exhausting.”

“i know…” you breathe as you put the cap back on the bottle, “you feeling fine?”

“don’t worry about me, sweetie, i just wanna care for you. you do so much for me, and i gotta return the favor,” as he finishes, he curls up in bed next to you, holding you close to him, “wouldn’t trade ya for the world. you’re my everything,” he mumbles softly, pressing his cheek against the crown of your head as he holds you.

“even when i’m being mean to you? i feel like i took it too far today…” you ask, almost insecurely. he takes the opportunity to give reassurance.

“hey, hey, i’m okay. i feel good. i would have told you if you took it too far, but i didn’t. so you’re just gonna have to trust me, okay?” he says, and you nod, “okay, good. besides, i like you when you’re mean,” he laughs.

“oh yeah?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“yeah, you’re really hot when you talk down to me.”

“oh my god, don’t say that shit, leon. i’ll get horny again…”

reader giving:

“hey, sweetheart… that’s it, nice and easy,” you say to him, touching his face to try and bring his mind back to reality. he’s too deep in subspace to do much right now, but he lets you hold him and whisper sweet things to him to bring him back.

so you keep talking to him like this, “you’re okay, you’re okay. you’re doing wonderful,” your words are absorbed up into him like he’s a sponge, taking in your praise, “you’re so good, baby. you’re doing so well, so proud of you. you think you can talk for me?”

he makes a hum, a sound of acknowledgment.

“can you tell me if you’re okay?” you ask, always feeling the nerves in your stomach even though you’re sure he’s gonna say he’s fine.

“uhh.. ‘m okay…” he mumbles, eyes closed like he’s sleepy, “wanna hold you…”

“okay, my love, whatever you want,” you smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you settle neck to him, leaving more kisses on his shoulder, “you’re so pretty,” you comment absentmindedly, your touch nothing more than soft and intimate, but he gets embarrassed easily when he’s like this. stuff that normally just makes him giddy internally leaves him a flustered mess like this.

he’s defenseless to come up with any kind of counterargument or rebuttal. he holds you like he’ll fall apart without you.

“you can go to sleep, baby, know you’re tired. we’ll shower when you wake up, alright? just close your eyes, and breathe. you’re okay. none of the cruel things i said earlier are true. i think so highly of you, leon, don’t forget that. you’re my everything, i would never tell you you’re stupid or pathetic with the intent to hurt you. i know you’d tell me if i said something that you didn’t like.”

“don’t wanna go to sleep, i wanna stay like this with you…” he mumbles, but he’s already so tired. poor thing.

“it’s okay, we’ll stay like this. i’ll be right here when you wake up, mkay?”

“i love you,” he says, still so soft and submissive. he’ll probably be back to normal when he wakes up, or at least some of the way there.

“i know you do, baby. i love you, too.”

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Congrats on 1500 followers love!!

If you're doing prompts, then here are some😈

Option 1: Mystery Link encounters Zelda and Gerudo Link and a town :"don't talk to me, someone might think we're friends "

Option 2: Power Link being a good Dad to his kids(he deserves good things every now and then lol)

Option 3: Abel ate a plant he reaaally shouldn't have😀 bonus if he flirts with Til while in between worrisome bouts of delirium🤭

Option 4: HC Wind experiences something either really traumatic or really hilarious at the hospital (depending on what mood you're in lol)

If you like none of these, then write whatever! You know I love your writing haha🥰

Tilieth had been trying for six months to forget about everything that had happened. She knew it had been six months to the day because she'd been counting, making little tick marks on the wall, waiting to see how long it would take for her son to wake up in that Sheikah shrine. In that time, she and Abel had been trying to piece together some sort of routine, and one of the things Tilieth did to try and help was forage for food while Abel hunted.

She knew eventually she'd have to hunt as well. It seemed unfair for Abel to be the sole fighter when they were stuck on the plateau together with no other help. She should at least know the basics. But for now, she couldn't get near a weapon, she felt her entire body tremble when she walked to certain parts of the plateau; she could hardly venture farther than the little camp site they had created close to the Temple of Time and the Shrine of Resurrection.

Today had been a decent day. She'd found some new plants around a pond near the temple, and their berries looked delicious. She'd picked them and cleaned them, setting them on a cloth to dry while working on mending Abel's tattered clothes.

When she glanced back to see if the berries had dried, most of them had disappeared.

Startled, Tilieth looked around to see if an animal had taken them, and she saw her husband settling down beside her.

"Those weren't ready yet," she chided lightly.

Abel hummed. "How are they not ready?"

"I washed them, they needed to dry some more."

"You were going to store them?" Abel asked, before adding, "Sorry."

"It's fine," Tilieth waved off, rubbing his back a little with a smile. "I can let the sun dry out the rest."

"Where did you get them? They look like wildberries, but those only grow in cold places. Did you go to the river?"

"No," Tilieth answered. "I got them by the pond near the temple."

Abel blinked. Blinked again. Then he stood slowly, eyes boring into the remaining fruit.

Tilieth grew a little nervous. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Abel said dismissively. "But I don't think we should keep the rest. They rot quickly, you won't be able to dry them. I'll, ah, eat the rest. Don't pick anymore - it's best to find alternatives."

"Abel, you're acting strange," Tilieth cut in, catching on to his change in attitude quickly.

"I just remembered something," Abel explained. "I need to go patrol to the south. It might be a while. Stay here at the camp, okay?"

With that, her husband departed quickly, taking the rest of the berries with him. Tilieth squinted, confused and worried, and she leaned over to look down the hill where he'd gone only to see him toss the rest of the berries into the grass.

Something was wrong, wasn't it? Did he just not like the flavor? Did it make him feel ill?

She made him ill, didn't she? Tilieth felt her stomach churn with guilt, felt awful that she could make such a mistake, wishing desperately that she'd learned more about the flora of Hyrule, but she'd never had a reason to! Hateno was self sustaining, and she'd always just gotten food from the local market and her own little garden.

She was trying to make a garden. She really should just stick to that instead of wanting to eat new plants. But she'd never heard of anything particularly bad, either. Was Abel just not feeling well? If that were the case, he wouldn't have taken the rest of the berries, right?

Worry ate away at her, and she grew restless. She didn't want to just sit around and wait, she wanted to make sure he was okay. What if Abel was getting sick and she was just sitting here doing nothing about it? She'd dealt with plenty of sick relatives, she could at least try to make something to ease his stomach.

Tilieth rose, taking a shaky step down the hill. The farther she moved, the more her chest hurt from fear. She was getting close to the edge of the wall dividing the Great Plateau from the rest of the kingdom, and up ahead were ruins that—that—

Tilieth froze, breath growing somewhat erratic. She had to find Abel, but she could hardly walk ahead anymore.

Praise Hylia, though, for she could see her husband a little distance ahead. He had paused, leaning against a tree. Tilieth found her courage and swallowed, walking forward to get to him, pointedly ignoring the ruins and the wall to her right. Her voice hadn't quite come back to her yet, so she had to make it all the way to him without speaking.

Slowly, she stepped cautiously towards her husband. He didn't seem to be getting sick, simply standing there. When she finally reached him, she cleared her throat, still not able to speak but knowing better than to sneak up on him.

Abel turned a little, face flushed, eyes looking almost glazed, a kind of off-focus expression that she was not accustomed to seeing on him at all. Her husband hardly ever zoned out, and when he did it was because he was deep in thought, not because his head was in the clouds, as hers often was.

She finally found her voice. "Honey?"

Abel squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. Then he looked at her again, clearly struggling to focus. "T-Til, I... I s-said wait at the camp."

"Honey, what's wrong?" Tilieth asked, growing more nervous.

"'S n-nothing."

"It's not nothing, you're acting strange!" Tilieth accused. "You threw away the rest of the berries, and you look sick!"

Abel leaned his back against the tree now, gaze drifting elsewhere. "They're b-bad berries."

So this was her fault! Tilieth wrung her hands nervously, mouth clamped shut, wondering what she should do.

"'S okay," Abel assured her, closing his eyes. "J-just... not a fun afternoon. I'll be fine. P-please, go... go home."

Home? He never called the camp home. "Abel, why don't you come back with me? We can figure something out."

"I'll be fine," Abel said, voice growing tight, muscles tensing. He was growing agitated, and Tilieth backed off a little at the sight of it, not looking to start a fight. "I... I promise. I'll be fine, Tilieth. It g-goes through, and then it s-stops. Please leave."

It goes through? Tilieth wondered if that just meant her poor husband was going to be very unwell but pass it through his system quickly. She'd want privacy too in that instance, she supposed, so she nodded and made her way back to camp quickly. She still felt immensely guilty, though, particularly at the realization that Abel had been fully prepared to just deal with the consequences alone and never tell her how much she hurt him.

He always tried to protect her like that.

When the sun moved from midway through the sky to almost kissing the mountains in the distance, Tilieth started to worry again. There was no way it took that long, and if it did, Abel was going to be dehydrated.

But that meant she had to go back to that place.

Tilieth gripped her fraying green dress. She wasn't going to let her anxieties stop her from checking on her husband. So she got back up and headed towards the place where she'd found him earlier.

She encountered him closer to camp than she expected to, and Tilieth almost wondered if he was on the mend and heading back to her. The feverish flush to his cheeks, paired with sweat on his brow, plastering his fringe to his forehead, quickly eliminated that idea.

This wasn't just feeling unwell for an afternoon, something was wrong.

"Abel?" she called, moving more quickly.

Abel was standing in the middle of the field, staring off in the distance, and he didn't quite seem to hear her. As she approached, she could see his expression was something she hadn't seen very often, an open vulnerability so prevalent her heart hurt at the sight of it.

"Abel... honey, what is it?" she asked softly, moving to soothe him, seeing tears starting to shine in his eyes.

"Mom?" he whispered softly, still staring at the distance.

Mom? His mother had died when he was a child. Was... was he dying?! Tilieth looked around wildly, frightened and frantic. Her skin crawled, her body felt like ice had frozen her from the inside out.

"Abel, nobody's there," she said shakily. He'd said he'd be fine, what was happening?!

There wasn't a ghost, was there?!

No, no. There couldn't be. Abel had never seen ghosts. Tilieth surveyed the area once more, eyes blown wide, heart racing. There was no way, right? She instinctively moved closer to her husband, hands wrapping around his arm, pressing herself against his side.

Abel's gaze snapped to her at the touch, breaths coming out in little panicked rasps. Tilieth looked between him and the space he'd been staring, took a steadying breath, and smiled at her husband reassuringly.

There was a moment where he just stared, that same feverish glaze covering his eyes, and then he blinked a few times and seemed to come back to himself. "T-Til..."

Tilieth sprang into action, immediately hugging him. "Abel, honey, you scared me, what's wrong? This is because of the berries, oh honey I'm so sorry—"

"'S not... n-not..." Abel tried to say, holding her with trembling arms, terrifying her even more. "Go b-back to... I'm okay..."

"No! You're not okay!" Tilieth argued, pulling away to look him over. "What do these berries do? You know - that's why you went away! Are they... you said it would get better, but—they're not—"

They're not lethal, are they?

Please, she begged, feeling tears well in her eyes, Please don't leave me too. Please just tell me what's happening.

Abel looked down, seeming hesitant, and then sighed, trying to regulate his breathing. "B-berries cause... seeing th-things... it'll s-stop... promise..."

The berries made him hallucinate? Why didn't he just tell her that from the start? Why did he have to try to bear this alone? Goddess, she shouldn't have left earlier when he asked, this was her fault anyway.

She felt awful.

When Abel stumbled in another direction, though, she came back to life, grabbing his hand. "Wait! This is—I caused this, let me help. Let's get you back to camp, okay?"

He'd said that it would run its course. She had to trust that. But she couldn't just leave him out here like this. This wasn't just a stomach illness, this was dangerous and frightening, for both him and her.

Goddess, why would he try to deal with this alone?! Tilieth couldn't even imagine being in such a position that she would be questioning whether everything she saw was even real or not, she couldn't fathom how absolutely terrifying that would be.

She hated that she'd caused this.

Abel let her guide him closer to their camp, stumbling a little, seeming to have zoned out. Tilieth remained vigilant, growing steadily more anxious as they moved. It was getting dark, and there were some monsters that still crept in the shadows of the plateau, though not many. Tilieth had no way of defending herself or her husband, aside from maybe using a pot or a ladle or a tree branch while screeching. The mere thought of encountering a beast made her lose her breath.

She felt her arm jerk a little as Abel stopped moving, and she turned to look back at him. The confusion, the openness of emotions were back, but this time he was staring directly at her.

"You're beautiful," he breathed, sounding nearly enchanted.

Tilieth barked out a confused and surprised laugh, dumbfounded. "What?"

Abel smiled a little, innocent and shy as it was, and took a step towards her before freezing again. His face turned a shade paler, eyes widening, and he shook his head. "N-no, no..."

Tilieth moved quickly to soothe him, wondering what he was seeing now, dreading to find out. "Sweetie, it's okay. It's okay. Let's keep going, okay?"

Abel jerked his hand out of hers, hugging himself and curling in on himself, trembling. She noticed, abruptly, that his knuckles were scraped, that his knees had grass stains on them. He'd fallen sometime earlier in the day while in this state.

"Oh, love," she lamented, feeling a million times worse.

Her husband groaned, nearly tipping backwards as he stumbled a little, and Tilieth gasped, lunging forward to steady him. He latched onto her in a heartbeat, grip suddenly far more intense than before. "Ama..."

Tilieth rubbed circles on his back. "Honey... Ama's not here. Your sister's not here. It's me, Tilieth."

Her heart broke anew as the words came out of her mouth. Abel hadn't kept up too much with his sisters as an adult, but he'd definitely been closer to Ama, his twin. She'd lived in Castle Town, though, and Abel...

Abel didn't talk about what happened to Castle Town.

Her husband groaned, pushing her off him. "Stop it. Sh-Shola isn't—Ama—"

Tilieth tried something different, blinking the tears away. "Ama's this way, love. You want to see her?"

Abel slowly lowered himself to the ground, taking measured breaths, head in his hands. "I... I want to go home."

Tilieth swallowed the lump in her throat.

The silence between them was deafening, a chasm developing between the couple that grew larger by the second. Abel took another steadying breath, pushing his hands to run through his hair and slick the sweat fringe out of his face. He looked at Tilieth as if he was just seeing her for the first time. "Til?"

Tilieth came to life in an instant, reaching for him, taking his hands in her own and squeezing them. "I'm here, love. I'm here."

Abel's eyes were unfocused, but he kept them fixed on her, expression raw. "Where are the children?"

Oh, goddess. Why are you doing this? Please, just make him sleep. Tilieth lost her voice in trying to reply to him, biting her lip and squeezing his hands again.

Her husband watched her, searching, waiting for a reply, before his mind finally seemed to slip somewhere else, and he rose shakily. Tilieth tried to direct him as best she could, helping him as he stumbled occasionally. Sometimes he would get distracted, seeing something new, but generally the journey was uneventful until they were just at the bottom of the hill to their camp.

Tilieth glanced upward, chest a little less tight at the thought that they were almost to safety, when Abel grabbed her by the back of her tunic and yanked her behind him. "Abel, what—"

"Stay quiet," he hissed, body stiff as a board, arms spread out slightly in a protective stance, hiding her from whatever he was facing. Tilieth worriedly looked around him, knowing that nightfall was upon them, but she saw nothing.

Tilieth waited a moment, trying to figure out if there truly was a threat, but the more time passed, the more erratic Abel became, reaching for a weapon he no longer was holding (she had taken his sword), stepping forward uncertainly.

Abel registered that he was unarmed, and his breathing rapidly increased to a near panic. Tilieth reached for his arm, dragging him up the hill, but he fought back, pulling away.

"It's—it's a—where—" he gasped, eyes wild.

"Abel," Tilieth begged, taking his face in her hands. "Love, look at me. There's nothing there. Let's go back to camp."

"C-camp?" he repeated, breaths reaching a regular rhythm and depth, brow relaxing slightly from outright panic to confusion. "W-we're camping?"

Tilieth blinked, trying to keep up with the changes. "We—yes. Yes, we are."

Abel giggled all of a sudden. "You're too pretty to be a soldier, though."

His face went white as soon as the words escaped his mouth, and he took an anxious step away, waving his hands a little. "I—I b-beg your pardon, I'm—"

Tilieth laughed now, recognizing this patterned behavior, remembering when her beloved, wonderful husband was a shy, sweet knight fresh to Hateno. "It's okay, Abel. Please come with me."

Her husband, bashful and ashamed and mortified as he was, lowered his head a little and complied.

When they finally made to camp, Tilieth wanted to cry she was so relieved. She could hardly hold the tears back, honestly, with as guilty as she felt anyway, so she just let them fall. She sniffled quietly, trying not to attract attention to it, hoping Abel was too addled to notice. Instead, she made him sit while she gathered supplies. She cleaned his knuckles first, listening as he stammered at her, insisting to his dead sister that he could take care of himself, asking where their mother was a few moments later, before poking Tilieth in the chest.

"Ow!" she yelped mildly before flicking him. "That's not very nice, love."

"What're you doing, silly girl?" Abel asked, a soft smile pulling at one side of his mouth. "Don't you know your Papa can take care of himself?"

"First your sister, now Lyra?" Tilieth sighed. She tried to play along, reaching her hands out. "I can't learn how to take care of myself if you don't let me practice on you."

Abel hummed thoughtfully, and Tilieth wondered if he was actually going to stick to this particular delirium, but he lost focus soon after. She gently took his hands in her own again, finishing wiping the dried blood off. She stared at his knuckles a moment, fingers running along his palms, feeling the callouses and cuts. Silently, she pulled them to her lips, kissing them, her tears diving to every curve and crevice in his skin, trailing away with what little dirt was left.

He wiggled out of her gentle grip before one hand reached to her face, wiping the tears away.

"I'm sorry," Tilieth choked out, looking at him, seeing his sky blue eyes worriedly watching her. "I'm s-sorry you're going through this because of me."

Abel sighed, suddenly tired, but so, so tender and seemingly innocent. "It's okay, Mom. I know you miss him."

Tilieth felt her heart break anew, and she bit her lip. Abel reached forward to hug her, but before he could really encircle her in his embrace, she made the first move instead, letting him rest his head on her shoulder as she held him close. She knew... she knew he'd had to comfort his mother in her final years after his father had died. She knew he hadn't known comfort since then, always having to take care of everyone else.

She could take care of him, though. He didn't have to be strong all the time. She was his wife - she could protect him as much as he did her. Even if right now he didn't quite realize it.

That was what this was all about, after all, wasn't it? The reason he hadn't told her that the berries would cause delirium and hallucinations was that he didn't want her to worry, to feel guilty, to see him in such a weak state.

Tilieth held her beloved more tightly. She'd told him time and again in their marriage that he didn't have to do that. It had taken years for him to believe it.

She hadn't seen him break once since they'd reunited after the Calamity.

Tilieth felt a new sort of guilt eat away at her. She'd been completely reliant on him these last six months. She knew that. She'd hardly had the self awareness to recognize it, bereaved as she was. But tonight, she realized it, as her husband tried to hide his hurt from her.

"I love you so much," she whispered into his hair.

Abel didn't reply, didn't seem to react, perhaps didn't even hear her. So she said it again and again, whispering it like a mantra, like music carried in the breeze on festival nights, serenading her husband with warmth. He seemed to settle, muscles slowly relaxing as time passed, and as he finally fell asleep she leaned against a tree, letting him press his weight on her.

Tilieth herself had almost fallen asleep a few hours later, heedless of the way her stomach growled, when Abel stirred once more.

Her husband nearly fell off her as he rolled, and both of them yelped as she tried to catch him. Abel quickly sat up, palm cupping her face, and he asked, "Are you alright?"

Goddess, his voice sounded so strong, his eyes looked clear, he was no longer sweating.

It was over.

Tilieth burst into tears.

Abel jumped, startled, and quickly moved to assuage her. "Love, I'm okay, I promise."

He gathered her in his arms and she sank into the embrace readily, so relieved at the safety and warmth, the strength of his hold, the assurance that it meant he was feeling better.

"I-I'm—I'm s-sorry," she sobbed, pushing with all he rmight to get the words out.

Abel hushed her, kissing her cheek. "I told you I'd be fine, Til. It's okay."

That was awful, she wanted to protest, but her throat was too closed up at this point, hiccupping instead. Abel simply held her, steady as a rock.

She hoped he at least remembered her words as she'd comforted him.

Eventually, the tears dried, and both spouses heard their stomachs roar in frustration.

"Maybe I'll cook something," Abel offered with a cheeky smile, and Tilieth wanted to clock him for how lightly he was taking this entire ordeal.

He must not remember most of it.

Sighing heavily, she crossed her arms, not wanting to dig up the issue, accepting the easy forgiveness her husband gave her despite the guilt that still gnawed at her. "Fine. I'll work on the garden."

"Do you know what you're growing in the garden—”

"Yes, Abel. I know."

Her husband chuckled heartily, kissing her briefly, and moved to the cooking pot. Tilieth sighed, staring up at the starry sky, and thanked Hylia for keeping both of them alive despite both of their idiocy.

And then she moved to the half demolished wall where she'd been keeping tabs, and scratched another day passed.