#but like. I'm fuckin tired
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being publicly executed in the group chat for admitting that I'm tired and trying to protect my peace
#personal#I guess this counts as#vagueposting#but like. I'm fuckin tired#fuck me for not having the energy to do more than I can rn I guess
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divinity is for nerd ass losers anyway
#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#malevolent fanart#john doe malevolent#mv liveblog#decided to just do something super simple and self indulgent stylewise bc fuck it im Tired#this was also me going ''let's workshop this design a lil''#then i came out of the workshop 8 hrs later like patch notes: hes got eyes now. that's the only addition#he's like that fuckin. picture of the shadow of the dude standing over some dandelions. you know the one#ok i'm going to fucking bed now. god.
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*Walks in wearing a pink stethoscope*
I'm your doctor for today- what happened to the old one? We don't talk about that.
*PROLONGED STARE*
*Scribbles on a sticky note and places it on your forehead*
I diagnose you with 'needs fictional dick REAL bad'
#vee's random thoughts go brr#can you guys tell I'm like super tired? I think I'm very funny please laugh#tagging characters I need to gimme their magic stick#cure my mental illness by fuckin' it outta me#simon riley#kyle garrick#alex keller#john price#john mactavish#rodolfo parra#cod nikolai#leon s kennedy#luis serra navarro#chris redfield#carlos oliveira#alejandro vargas#karl heisenberg#sebastian castellanos#joseph oda#ruvik victoriano#stefano valentini#ethan winters#piers nivans#jake muller#phillip graves#lester sinclair#vincent sinclair#josh washington#bo sinclair#vee's dumbass jokes
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*stares at 30 reblogs of "deep down you want to bite someone with 100% power just once"*
*writes: "m00t is reincarnated crocodile (beloved)" on notepad*
#ptxt#unrelated tag essay: finished writing an email somewhat promising myself arranged-marriage-style to a project if my advisor#is down once I apply for a phd which will be in *checks watch* whenever I have the spare brainpower to do it.#Probably the end of the month#It's still chalcopyrite related but news flash there's other sulfides that occur with chalcopyrite and they're all really fuckin weird and#want to know why. Also I want to know where mooihoekite occurs and haycockite and all that jazz and I'm too tired to do a lit review#search for something that's only marginally related to my thesis but I must knowwwww.#I'm tired enough my professor for a different class asked if I was distracted/busy/stressed when I went to office hours. 'yeah you did#a great job last semester and now you're only showing up 50% of the time.' T^T#Slipping into incoherent tumblr tag conlang feels like capri-sun to my brain after today tbh. There should be a german word for this
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ever since the reviews for veilguard dropped and i watched a few i cannot open youtube without getting blasted by anti woke shit. i just want to see some silly nonsense bro
#i'm tired. yeah i know freaks online would rather people like me be gone#i also know people in my own country also want people like me to be gone#i'd like to not be reminded of that when i'm trying to be silly#i tell youtube not to recommend me that shit but it's a fuckin hydra i swear
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Aw man
#Cave talking#complaining in the tags#Maybe I've just been wiped tf out this week but I think it's over lads#I think the COD enjoyment has slipped away#I'll give myself a couple weeks to work on other stuff and maybe play the games again or something#I still have so many things I want to finish and it makes me really sad to think I might not#I've barely felt like reading and I've hardly been on tumblr and I just feel kind of ambivalent about everything#But tbf I don't feel very bivalent about anything offline either rn I just feel very bad not good#I really struggled this week and I've just been really unhappy with everything I've managed to get out and I'm just fuckin#tired I guess
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BRO
Im crying
#juno shot at the sun with a fuckin squiffer#i went to go hit the fresh button back at them & i saw their locker changed#10/10 i love to see it#if you see this you have gr8 locker artist skills#also that I'm sorry i was so bad tonight PFFT#This morning i was doin clam blitz & had like a baseline of like 10-15 kills#& tonight i was struggling to get like THREE#they were very kind tho & had the most encouraging booyahs. nice to have even when im getting sniped in the back of the head :}#however ended on a high note being back to 10 kills & we won the match#ALSO I S RANKED TODAY very happy with myself#moving up in the world#okay okay ill shut up now. im tired so i rant a lot aight let me have this#chonny jash#moss post#KJ rants too much again
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Man for real do I have to start warning my epileptic friends about the end boss of Shadow of the Erdtree? Because like I do not have epilepsy and despite that this dude's second phase is fucking rough to look at
#there's just like so many fucking particle effects and sparkly explosions going off#i'm like mildly dizzy from just how much shit is happening all at once up here#I'm getting tired way earlier than I usually do from just the raw amount of visual processing my fuckin brain has to do in this fight#aside from my skull turning into tv static in the second phase I'm having a great time with this boss#learning what attacks let me get a fully charged heavy off has been an incredibly fun experience tbh#i have yet to fight him seriously though I'm still I'm just trying to learn shit before I waste even more consumables on failed runs lol#pun's text posts#Elden Ring
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Hi there - re: your stance on proshipping, doesn't Nu Carnival have elements in it that could be considered problematic? Aster fits pretty neatly into the 1000-year-old loli/shota trope, and consent in intimacy/H-scenes is sometimes rather dubious. Are these somehow not problematic things? And if they are problematic, doesn't continuing to play the game while acknowledging that basically constitute taking a proship stance toward it?
Alright. I'm not targeting this specifically at anon, but I am really sick and tired of Aster being called shota bait so I thought I'd put that to rest with a little anatomy lesson. Bit of a lengthy post ahead
I'm going to be using this image as a reference, since it lists all the measurements needed in making an anatomically accurate adult male. While the origin of the image is a little old, the measurements are still used today so I believe it can still be applied:
These are all those measurements applied to Aster. Specifically, his default sprite:
Woah. Seems like a lot, right? Let's go step by step, then. Or rather, list item by list item. Click on each image to see them in full. It's also important to note right off the bat that each line is EXACTLY THE SAME LENGTH, and each line is THE SIZE OF ASTER'S HEAD
"An adult stands 7 to 8 heads tall" - Color coding each line to make things easier to see, if we count all those lines up from the top of his head (hat not included) to the bottom of his feet, we have 7 lines. 7 heads. Anatomically correct for an adult male
"The width of a man's chest (under the arms) is equal to the width of his hips" - Aster is standing at an angle so I can't give 100% exact measurements in this particular part, but he's close enough to be forward-facing that it's safe to assume his measurements line up. Even if they're not exactly the same, the difference in length between his chest and his hips are not apparent enough to say that his proportions are childlike rather than adultlike
"The crease at the inside of the elbow will be near the waistline" - Seems to check out here too!
"The distance from the elbow to the finger tips is 2 heads" - Since Aster's hand is at an angle, I added a third little line to connect his finger tips to the tip of the other white line (which, bringing this up again, is the same length as his head.) Using a ruler to keep the lines perfectly straight, I was able to successfully connect the lines together, checking off this box as well
"The length of the head, the length of the inner forearm, and the length of the foot are equal" - These seem to match up as well, though his foot might be a liiiiiittle bit smaller
"The distance from the heel to the knee is 2 times the length of the foot (2 heads)" - If you look back at the reference image I'm using, "heel to knee" refers to the heel of the foot to the very beginning of the knee — meaning at the very very bottom. My measurements seem to match up to that as well... And that checks off all the boxes on the list
Conclusion:
Aster is proportionally correct for an adult male. He is just short. Short men exist.
On top of that, children are typically drawn with chubby, rounded features. Aside from his thighs and hips, Aster's design uses a lot of sharp lines to accentuate his features — such as a sharp jawline and sharp, slender fingers
One might argue that his voice is high pitched, so he must still be shota bait... But men can have high pitched voices too. Anyone can. Men are more likely to have deep voices, yes, but it's not a guarantee that all men will have deep voices
One also might argue that Aster is childish but... Is he really? Sure, he acts cutesy, but that's to get attention from people (especially Eiden.) That's really the only childish personality trait about him. Other than that, Aster is a natural leader. He's demanding, he's business-minded, and he's sly. Aster has no issue taking charge and giving instructions. After all, he's been the owner of the mansion ever since Huey left AND he's the owner of several businesses all throughout Klein. He spends most of his time working and doing business-related tasks. Hell, one of the things he complains about is how much work he has each day, but he knows it has to get done
"But he likes cute things!!!" You can be an adult and like cute things
Honestly, I see no reason why anyone would genuinely believe he's shota bait other than he's short, likes pink, and likes cute things. Those are all traits that can be seen in an adult. Traits that don't take away the fact that someone looks and acts like an adult
This isn't targeted at anon but tbh... People who insist Aster is shota bait are weird bro. Why are you so determined to say this is a sexualized child?
Side Note:
You mentioned that there are moments of dubious consent in some h scenes, and I agree. Especially with Edmond and Karu who are typical tsunderes, sometimes their scenes start off a little iffy. I am in no way saying that those moments are totally fine, but it is important to note that every single one of those scenes quickly escalates to them expressing their pleasure both physically AND verbally. They start the scenes aroused and okay with the idea of sex, but their tsundere nature can makes the consent come off as dubious — I get that. Though I don't recall ever seeing a scene were consent is explicitly ignored or consent is forced. Eiden is a very patient and understanding man, and he's shown that he will stop if his partner truly doesn't like what he's doing. So while the consent can be dubious at times, I wouldn't say it's entirely problematic
#forgive me if some of this doesn't make sense#i'm a little tired right now#but i'll be very happy to clear anything up or discuss something further if needed#i'm super passionate about this topic though#because i think it's fuckin stupid lmao#it's like adults can't be short or cutesy#i've seen that kind of bait before#and i really do not see it in Aster#i truly truly don't#nu carnival#nu: carnival#nu carnival aster
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note that i will only ever call mithrun "stupid" jokingly. by "stupid", i only mean "frustrating behavior that i am immensely familar with". seeing him do something that makes me groan aloud, closing my eyes, sighing "stupid (affectionate, mournful)". like when he fucking... his dumbass "i don't want to [use the bathroom] right now, so it's fine." oughh. i know you! i know you! that's not how that works!!! and he's smart!!! he's so smart... but god, god... he's kind of an absent professor. he's kind of a cloudcuckoolander. i love him dearly. he gets called a dummy, a little idiot, and i flick his forehead, a little bonk of hard-heads, like "try again, idiot. that's not how bodies work." and "ooh, 'that's not going to work'. yes it is. shut up, stoopid. stubborn little man, my god." rolling my eyes forever.
#mithrun#i'm not devaluing his intelligence#i feel like both can be true - that someone can be really smart but also take really stupid actions conversely#i fucking KNOW i do all the time#and i don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the word#it's not that his intelligence is compromised in any sense or that i think he's incapable#and it is solely#the fact that he is a stubborn little guy who doesn't listen and just goes 'that won't work' / 'i don't want to' / etc.#like... BUDDY...#buddy BOY#dummy#you are NOT a good judge of this ok?#zip ya lip little man#i know what you are#and i ain't fuckin listening to ya!#god. 'that won't work'. blah blah blah. okay sleepy. see you next panel.#fuckin knew that was going to happen#'i'm not tired' (his body stops working and he doesn't know why)#oh. OH. you're NOT? buddy i KNOW what happened ok? you need some fuckin rest#like - i'm gonna kick your legs out from under you + you're going to fall gently into bed + i tuck you in and smooch you#but i also fucking complain because OF COURSE YOU'RE TIRED ! you bastard ! go sleepy bye#it's his poor decisions and i know why he does them - because he doesn't know - but by god#it's also a little like please... listen to yourself...#on the one hand he doesn't know and never will#on the other hand ... you have been awake for hours and hours without sleep... please get some rest...#but yeah as someone who forgets needs and has little sense of that it is like... objectively a stupid experience#and i don't say that with judgement in my heart but it feels REALLY stupid when your body does something and you don't know why#it's not the disability though that makes me say as much - it is fully the fact that he is SO STUBBORN! SO STUBBORN!!!!#you say you're not tired and fall down? hm? then maybe you are? i know you don't know but whatever. let's get you to bed boy. ok?#caring for him + shaking my head like i get it so much but you gotta sleep! 'this won't work'. ok liar... i already know it will.
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Oh God, you guys, I forgot Bridgens had his own journals...!!!
In the book, Bridgens had his own journals, kept throughout the Expedition and possibly beforehand. There's one purposefully left behind in his tent when he goes for his final walk, and five even longer ones purposefully left far behind on Terror!!!
Just consider that for a single goddamn second!
John Bridgens, a man who loves literature and stories, and has defined his entire life by them, specifically destroys his own story, deliberately leaves it all behind to rot, in order to carry Peglar's forward with him instead...!!!
#I read ahead to the next chapter#It's Bridgens' last chapter and now I hate everything :(#But there's also a lot of things I love and that is one of them#I'll be thinking about it for days#I hate Dan Simmons as much as the next gal and there have been parts of this book that made me want to tear my own ankles off#But there are also parts that hit the sweet spot like a fuckin' ton of bricks and I'm tired of pretending there aren't#The Terror#Rereading the Terror#Terror Spoilers#John Bridgens#Henry Peglar
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Ha ha I don't know what I want to do with my life and I feel unsatisfied with my current condition!
#i just feel fuckin hollow#i mean i wanna make art again for real now but i dont feel good#my lifes shambles right now and i dont know how to tidy it right now#ill find a way tho#whether through brute force. sheer luck or even professional help ill do it#positive apathy is hoe im feelin i guess#id like to be a barista. or work in one of those niche little stores where you get to hang out mostly#id like to learn to properly garden#i love flowers and i like chillin outside pullin out the weeds#yea that sounds nice#although theres no job opening rn that really jump out to me. and im scared to leave my current job#its a pretty good job but i hate having to wear a uniform and i generally dont feel very happy#my coworkers are lovely. my bosses are great and my pay is phenomenal but i just wanna do something else#i liked working in the bakery for the short time that lasted#idk im tired and zonked the fuck out#god I'm gunna become a stoner arent i ..#anxiety bad. brain terrible#womp womp#delete later
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anyway congratulations Hex likers your main quest is coming up next in the dev cycle haha
#i am PRETTY FUCKIN HYPE ABOUT THIS ONE#major lore drops etc etc#also i have an extra tate scene i'm very excited to implement.#i am very tired a lot is going on but you'll all hear about it like. now. soon. lmfao#slasher u
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So the guy who rainchecked on Monday saying that he wasn't feeling well wrote back after I'd already gone to bed last night, saying that he was feeling better and apologizing for not replying for a bit. I wrote back mid-morning today and now once again... nothing. I think if I don't hear back from him by sometime tomorrow I may just unmatch and move on. As always, I'll lie to myself and say it was his loss 🙃
#dating nonsense#i just wish motherfuckers would say what they mean#if you're not into it just say so like damn don't waste my time#and i was trying to give him the benefit of a doubt because he seemed super earnest and enthusiastic#but maybe that was an act#or maybe he just realized after the date that I'm awful#because that seems to happen pretty fuckin' often#someday perhaps i will find a way to break the second date curse I am under#or perhaps not#damn man I was ready to go with this one too#so tired of this shit#dating app hell#every time i let my guard down or start to hope even a little i fucking regret it#mr. gr#when will i learn my lesson and stop trying
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At a concert rn. 9 other people here
#the show starts in 4 minutes this is going to fuck so severely LMAO#nate.exe#one of the openers has 200 monthly listeners on spotify. deep cut concerts in tiny venues my beloved#the downside to this: I'm so fucking tired that i am going to seem like a miserable little wet rat and they will definitely fuckin notice 😭
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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