#but like yknow i always wanna talk about it deeply and exhaustively so yeah!!

[skitskatdacat63]

Every time I write a comment on ao3, every single time I always start the comment off by saying "I wish I could write a longer comment but-" and then I always have to go back and delete it because I end up writing like at least 3 paragraphs....

[mavmax]

The Art of Vulnerability | Maverick + Sooyun

When: June 21st, 2021

Where: Maverick’s Apartment

Warnings: Emotional breakdown, Depression, Self-loathing

Featuring: @sooyunjeong

Maverick laid on Sooyun's lap, his mind was in and out of watching what was on tv and his own clouded mind. He felt guilt, but he didn't show it to her, he wanted to be brave for her, be tough, and protect her. That was what he had to do, after all, but, even then, he could feel himself fighting back tears, when one managed to slip down his cheek, and he tried wiping it away before it landed on her lap.

sooyun jeong

Sooyun was watching a kdrama, a show that was beyond cheesy romance and figured it was a decent show to watch while she unwind from practice and her hand began throbbing from over using it. She was preoccupied by the male lead aggressively shouting in korean when she felt him move, glancing down at him on her lap, she reached down to smooth his hair with her left hand and leaned over to catch a look at his face. “Are you okay?”

Maverick froze at Sooyun’s question for a moment. Should he say that he was okay? Smile it off and nod and go back to the show? Or should he show the vulnerability, open up fully for once and let down that wall that he knew he had put up at Pride. He let out a shaky sigh, and shook his head quietly.

sooyun jeong

Sooyun realized that this was going to be something serious, her mind racing through reasons on why he was upset, so many ideas racing that she tried not to appear overwhelmed. Instead she tilt her head, “what’s wrong?”

Maverick could feel a part of him fighting to not even show a semblance of vulnerability. Part of the wall wanted to go up, to show that he got this, that he could lie and say he was tired, but in reality...the other part wanted to open up to Soo, he was hurt, exhausted, frustrated all at once. "I'm tired," He began softly. "I'm tired of not feeling like I'm wanted by anyone."

sooyun jeong

Hearing his voice, the difference between his usual tone and this one, she realized that perhaps he was hurting. Sooyun turned his face to look up at her, “what are you talking about? You are wanted.” She said softly, it pained her to see him like this, she can see the vulnerability in him and it made her realize he was always having this facade up.

When Sooyun turned Mav's face towards hers, his vision was instantly blurred by tears as he shook his head. "People are always like 'hey, you want him? cause I don't', whenever I do something that's just...a part of me. I've had that, my whole life. There was a part in my life, where I felt really unwanted and whenever I hear it, I can't help but wonder if everyone's...better...off without me. So, there's that," He responded calmly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to escape him. He was finally letting down his walls.

sooyun jeong

Sooyun felt an immense guilt fill her chest, thinking back to when Soo thought she was joking but realized it was a trigger for Maverick, her eyes soften as she used her thumb to wipe away the tear that was ready to fall. “Mav…” she trailed off, her voice shaking, swallowing down the feeling as she gave him a smile. “Life without you would be boring, when I said that…when I said those words to Blaine, I was joking—not knowing that it affects you deeply. I’m sorry I said those words without thinking about your feelings. I was just angry at what your ex did to you without your consent and I took it out on you.” Sooyun lowered her gaze, talking about feelings and such was still a hard thing for her to do but she was slowly growing to understand. “I love everything about you Mav, even the parts that annoy me, I still find myself loving you even more.”

Maverick took a shaky breath to calm his own breathing, it was hard to even address his own feelings without feeling like he was drowning in them. Soo's touch, however, kept him afloat. He took a breath, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "It's not your fault, you didn't know," He said softly. When her gaze shifted, he knew that it was hard for Sooyun to open up, too. It was something both of them had in common, after all. He reached his hand up to her cheek. "It's something I didn't think I'd ever talk about, my sisters know, Eric knows by proxy...but, I wanted to be strong for you, that's why I didn't want to say anything, you know? I love you and I just...I wanted to be that protective boyfriend."

sooyun jeong

“You don��t always have to be the strong protective boyfriend Mav, you’re human, just be open with me.” Soo reassured him, meeting his eyes once more and leaned into his touch, taking in his features and pushing some of hair away from his face. “I’m tired of people thinking they need to be strong for me, I’m a big girl and I can handle anything thrown my way…I want you to be okay….to be mentally okay as well.”

"I've always had to...be the protective one, you know? The one time I just...existed, well, we know what happened there," Mav chuckled dryly, but he nuzzled into Soo's touch. His vision getting clearer as he focused on her warm brown eyes. "I know...trust me, I know you're capable. Hell, you broke your hand for me and I can't help but feel guilty. I don't want you to hurt yourself for me," He sighed. "I wanna be okay, I wanna be vulnerable around you, you know?"

sooyun jeong

Sooyun rolled her eyes and lightly flicked his forehead, “I didn’t break my hand for you, I broke it because I was so mad that I didn’t hold my hand correctly for a fist. All I was thinking is just one bop to the face would do but I didn’t think she had it in her to fight back.” She grabbed his hand and brought it up to her mouth to kiss it, “you need to stop blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault.”

Maverick chuckled lightly at Soo’s finger flick and he used his free hand to rub his forehead lightly. “I know, I just…I still felt responsible, you know? I know she deserved the sock to the face which, was epic, but, yknow,” he sighed. He smiled at her gesture and as a result he slowly got up to finally face her properly. “I’ll try,” He whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips.

sooyun jeong

Sooyun let her lower lip poke out in a pout and wrapped her arms around him, nudging his forehead with her own, “Since I’m still learning new things about you…we should make up a word to inform each other we are upset instead of storming out of the room. When you left abruptly, I wanted to chase after you but obviously they made me go check my hand then I had to go on stage. I don’t want you to face these situations alone…I want you to be able to lean on me.”

Maverick smiled at Sooyun’s cute pout and curled into her instinctively, letting his own warms wrap around her small frame. He rested his forehead against hers and let out a soft sigh. “Yeah, we can do that…I’m sorry for storming out, by the way. I tend to do that before I lash out and I don’t ever want to at you,” He said softly. “No, no, I get it, which by the way, you killed it on stage. Broken hand and all,” He teased. “I won’t face it alone, not anymore…” His hand went softly to her cheek and he then said, “This sounds basic, but maybe code red? Or just saying red? I could also hold your hand if I say it if we’re standing next to each other?”

sooyun jeong

“Code red can work…red…it’s simple and easy to remember.” She agreed with him, she wanted to be able to be there for him, through the good and ugly of it. She knew relationships weren’t always going to be fairytale like, it was supposed to be hard to learn to lean on someone other than yourself. “If you lash out on me, I will find it incredibly hot to see you pissed and allow you to yell at me,” She admitted with a smirk

"I was thinking the same, nothing too complicated, you know?" Maverick offered with a small smile. It was definitely huge progress than before. It wasn't always going to be rosy and easy. Sometimes there was going to be bumps in the road, sometimes they were going to clash, but through Sooyun, he learned how to lean on someone emotionally rather than go into it independently, because after all, a relationship was two people and their emotions, not just one. "Babe," He laughed, shaking his head. "Are you saying you want me to be a little more aggressive?"

sooyun jeong

Sooyun laughed, "Yes that's exactly what I am asking, because instead of storming out, just grab my hand and pull me away somewhere quiet and you can take your frustrations out on me--or if you need a shoulder to cry on." She let her cast rest onto her lap, she wanted Maverick to at least lean on her in tough times, to think that two months ago she wouldn't have cared yet here she was.

"I'll do better and not storm out on you, but I also won't yell at you because I know that shit sucks...but, if you want me to be aggressive, all you gotta do is ask," Mav teased, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "But yeah...I'll let you know when something's bothering me from here on out, I promise." And he meant every word. A few months ago, she would've been the last person he'd go to, but she was there for him and understood him.

sooyun jeong

"But what if I want you to grab me and we leave and I allow you to take out your frustrations on me?" She playfully batted her eyelashes and laughed, reaching up to caress his cheek, "As long as you know I am here now, i will support whatever choices you make--I'll most likely question it but I will be here."

“I’ll wind up giving you so many hickeys,” Maverick chuckled at that thought of how rough he’d be with Sooyun. He nuzzled his cheek into her hand and the devilish grin had softened into his usual smile. “Thank you, Soo. And just know, I’m here for you too, okay? I know this opening up thing isn’t easy for both of us, but, I wanna make it work for us. Just like you’re doing for me.”

sooyun jeong

"Like you don't already? Who are you trying to play?" Sooyun laughed, the sound of the show playing some sappy music made her realize the show they were watching ended but at the moment she didn't care, Maverick was opening up to her and she enjoyed that. "We're working on it, we've both been hurt as you stated so of course it will take some time for the both of us to learn how to trust again. I want you to know I would never cheat on you...even though I was notorious for having multiple lovers, I can be faithful."

“But they’re tiny hickeys. The other ones out of frustration would be huge,” Maverick chuckled. It definitely didn’t help they were having this talk as the sappy kdrama music played in the background but at the same time, it was fitting for the moment. At Sooyun’s words he nodded with a smile, his hand reaching up to her cheek to caress it softly. “You’re right…and for what it’s worth, you won’t ever have to worry about me straying from you or getting hurt. I’ll be careful. I promise.”

sooyun jeong

"Small or large, they're still hickies," Sooyun laughed, "And besides, pretty much everyone knows we're dating at this point, which by the way, I love how we said we'd keep it on the down low, yet here we are." She knew her manager was most likely having a ball with that, soo on the other hand didn't care as long as people knew that Maverick was her boyfriend. "You better because, I don't think I can break my left hand or maybe I can ask Jae for advice."

“Hmmm…I guess you’re right,” Mav chuckled as he carefully watched her neck. “My favorite one is fading though, bummer,” He pouted for a moment. “Oh, definitely. Which is funny cause we did say we’d keep it on the low but here we are, holding hands and being cute in public…I like it though. I feel like it just brought us closer together you know?” He pointed out with a grin. “Um yeah let’s not break the other hand but hey push comes to shove, I’ll make out with you in public…or we could ask Jae for the best course of action?”

sooyun jeong

Sooyun could feel the heat of his gaze on her neck, the spot where the hickie he placed, it had her shiver in delight of him replacing it. She mentally told her hormones to relax as she tilt her head, "I mean...you can always place another one there again." She suggested innocently, but she knew that once he started anywhere near her neck she would allow it to go further. "I feel like Jae would just suggest to whack them in the face, but making out in public isn't so bad."

A smirk curled on Maverick’s lips as he watched Soo purposely tilt her neck towards him to show off the fading hickey, but also give him a free invite to add onto it. “Hmm,” Mav purposely leaned forward, letting his breath fall onto Soo’s neck. “Tempting but I should behave,”. He chuckled. “Yeah that’s true…let’s do less battery and more making out.”

[prompt-master]

Michael, Your Gay Is Showing