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pedriache · 2 months ago

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idk if you’re hispanic/latino buttttt i NEED a pedri fic based off the song la santa by bad bunny (if you don’t know spanish you can just translate it and it’ll work jst fine) tyyyy i loveee ur work 🫶🫶

La santa — Pedri Gonzalez.

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x Fem!Reader

Summary: You weren’t supposed to fall in love with Pedri, but it happened nonetheless. You knew what you were getting into when it all started and you both knew despite nothing ever going further than casual, you would always come running back.

Word count: 710

Disclaimer/s: Slightly Suggestive (?) , angst

A/N: OOOOH this song is lowk girl i’m nodding my head thank yew. i also really had no clue how to go about this .. i actually hate it so much sorry this was so bummy

Pedri was dressing quickly. Too quickly. You knew you shouldn’t have even proposed the idea of taking the relationship or… whatever you could call it, further. He always got jumpy when you’d ask for him to stay even a few extra minutes.

You leaned back against the headboard, a frown planted tightly against your lips as you watched him zip up his jeans. “Jesus christ, Pedri. It was a simple suggestion! You’re acting like I told you I was pregnant.”

The mans eyes widen as they shoot in your direction, “you aren’t.. pregnant. Right?” That elicited a loud groan from your lips.

“Oh lord.” You rub your temples before looking back to him. He still wore the same expression, nearly making you laugh as you shake your head. “No! I am not.”

“Thank God.” He huffs, reaching for his t-shirt.

You chew on your bottom lip, suddenly annoyed. “You know what? This has to stop. For good.” He continued dressing like you weren’t even speaking, so you add, “I’m serious.”

Pedri sighs, tugging the shirt over his head. “You said that last week, last month, and matter of fact, two days ago. You know damn well it’s not stopping.” His lip twitches at the corners, a smug grin forming ever so slowly.

That just furthered your annoyance because, unfortunately, it was the truth. It also pissed you off because if he’d just take you seriously and stayed away, you wouldn’t crawl back to him every time.

You’d tried to stop sending him that text or responding to his, but you were weak. Your resistance only lasted about five minutes before you caved. You simply couldn’t stay away from Pedri.

“It’s different this time, and you know it! I can’t wait around for you to feel—“

“Woah!” His hands shoot up, stopping you mid sentence. “Don’t finish that sentence.”

Your lips clamp shut and your arms cross over your chest. “Well—“

“Cariño, you know it’ll never be reciprocated. You knew this the second we started the whole thing! Cut the lovey dovey act, I don’t need you doing that because I don’t know how to reciprocate it.” He finishes his rant, running a hand over his face as if the whole conversation was one big inconvenience.

Pedri leaned against the wall a few feet from your bedroom door, antsy for an escape yet also not wanting to leave you pissed off at him.

“This was only meant to be a fun thing.” He adds once the silence became deafening.

Pulling your knees to your chest, you frown. “Why though? Why is it such a terrible concept? You care about a lot of things, a lot of people, why would it be so different?”

His eyes dart to the door, he really needed to get out of here. “You know why. Just.. let’s keep this going and you’ll get over it, no? Why are you trying to mess with something thats fine just as it is?”

You were desperately trying to ignore the way your stomach churned at his words. The more he talked, the more you felt your heart sink. You knew damn well there was no changing Pedri and you most definitely knew better than to even have a sliver of hope.

“You’re right.” You finally force out, “no, yeah. I’m sorry I even thought about it.”

The hurt in your voice was unmistakable. Pedri heard it loud and clear and he almost felt guilty. Almost. But at the end of the day, he’d told you how he felt about relationships at the beginning of it all. He knew and you knew, exactly where he stood.

“I’ll see you when I get back from Sevilla, okay?” Pedri sighs, pushing himself off the wall.

Not daring to look at him, you stay quiet for a moment. A weak attempt at pushing him away, but you were just that. Weak.

“Yeah.” You huff, “make sure you lock the door on the way out.”

Pedri lifts one hand as a parting gesture, but you don’t return it and he leaves anyways. He leaves you feeling like an absolute idiot because you know when you get the text that he’s back in town, you’ll be waiting right where he left you.

likes , comments , and reblog’s are all appreciated. lmk if you’d like to be tagged in any of my fics, specific or all.

DTS , @halfwayhearted , @spidybaby , @gadriezmannsgirl !

#pedri gonzalez #pedri #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedri gonzalez x fem!reader #pedri gonzalez one shot #pedri gonzalez x you #pedri gonzalez imagine #pedri x reader #pedri angst #football #blurb #fc barcelona #fc barcelona fic

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luxiomahariel · 29 days ago

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Hey hey! Wanted to share an experience n get it off my chest if that’s okay, you don’t gotta post it if you don’t want to. This experience is what led me to discover transandrophobia and devour as much as I could of it and I’m also reading so much intersectional feminism as a result!

Ages back, a group of former “friends” that were all adult lesbians of varying transfem and nonbinary genders, unironically Exploded at me due to a conversation that I’ve since showed a vast amount of people who have all confirmed that I was being respectful and agreeable throughout. The gist of the convo was that I “wasn’t listening to transfems” because I, as someone who grew up as a brown arab woman, simply MENTIONED that Imane Khelif was being attacked through racism as well as transmisogyny. For context, I agreed multiple times that she was being attacked through both, but the group was immediately vehemently accusing me of denying transmisogny as a “tme”.

They kicked me from the server, and the owner dmed me a link to @/transmisogny-explained so I could “better myself”, which is a blog that has plenty of good posts, but is so deeply transandrophobic that it makes it difficult to even look through. During the aftermath of this whole thing, my partners had dmed some folks from the server to clarify what had happened for them to react so intensely, and I’ll quote some of the things I noticed from them/their responses:

- every single one of them was white.

- ONLY used he/him for me during this despite rarely/never doing so otherwise. I use any pronouns.

- described me reblogging transmasc positivity posts on my personal blog afterwards as “going on a reblogging rampage” and describing my emoji-filled, friendly, worried messages as “aggressive” and “lashing out after being criticized by a trans woman Once”.

- one said that they’ve been wanting to cut me off since they found out I support trans men lesbians. Because I call myself a multigender dyke and am a man as well as a woman.

- same person also spread that I was calling trans women slurs because I had once reblogged a post where someone mentioned “b/aeddels”

- shortly after they all blocked me on all platforms, my partners showed me their reblogs were absolutely full of the most transandrophobic slop I’ve ever seen, mixed in with good posts about supporting transfems. They also masked off about other queer infighting, such as being on the wrong, cruel side of ace discourse and also needlessly hating on mspec lesbians, anyone using Achillean or the “toothpaste flag” or anything that “appropriated lesbian culture”, and stuff like that.

- turned on my partners as well (tho with less vitriol thank god) for being associated with me. Which they didn’t deserve to be cut off for :(

Basically I’m more than glad to be cut off from them cuz I had no clue of the sheer hatred they were holding for queer people that were different from them, but also I can’t ever help but keep in mind that one of the quickest ways I’ve ever gotten to be called a man, or had he/him used on me, was alongside being called “tme” and being painted as an aggressor.

Everyone involved is safely out irl, and knows fully that I am deeply closeted for safety irl. They spoke plenty of my “tme privilege” while knowing I was at home closeted against my will for my safety and suffering from it on the daily. They labeled me as a rampaging, lashing out tme man, despite rarely using anything but she/they for me beforehand. They cut me off from a huge portion of online community, knowing full well how unsafe my position was and how much I needed the support. I’ll never forget that they saw a closeted brown trans man mention racism alongside transmisogny and immediately jumped him and slandered his name with accusations and aggressive behavior.

jesus christ thats awful

bigotry always seems to come in bunches huh? transandrophobia, aphobia, homophobia, and exorsexism/enbyphobia.... yeesh.

im glad you got away from that server and hopefully my blog can be a safe space for you 🫂

#transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry

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smittenmeraki · 2 months ago

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Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

#aftg #all for the game #all for the gay #andrew minyard #neil josten #the foxhole court #the kings men #the raven king

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danvillecheese · 2 years ago

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why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

#phineas and ferb #phinbella #act your age #ask #this was fun you guys should ask me more stuff like this #dwampyverse analysis

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sleepyyghostt · 6 months ago

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wait??? how did you (almost) end up in a mrbeast video?? :O

ohmygosh okay so

with my good old lifelong youtube special interest, i had a period where i was just FASCINATED by all the actual workings behind the various mrbeast channels (and the story of how he got there), particularly mrbeast gaming (which was basically just minecraft videos)

and- ok this might just turn into an infodump for a sec cause i find the operations of it rlly interesting sdfsdk. i had a wonderful rabbit hole week where i watched a ton of videos from the perspectives of ppl who were actually in those challenges, which led me to find out about the mrbeast gaming discord server...

A monstrous thing with 60,000 members and zero channels you can talk in (thank god). It took a while to even JOIN cause it was always at member limit.

The whole thing basically got nuked last year and reformed into some sort of fortnite thing that ive never quite looked at since, but the way it worked was members would fill out a google form with their discord info, and anytime they needed people for a video they'd use some kind of bot that randomly selected a bunch of those form submissions, and checked them against people whose discord accounts were currently online. those accounts would be given a role that let them into some extra discord channels that held the relevant details for whatever the event was.

I joined the server, filled out the thing, and months later, ACTUALLY GOT SELECTED

a couple hundred people, if i recall correctly, had been as well, and the mods announced they were going to hold interviews over a couple hour period later that week, looking for people to be in a future unspecified video.

the odds of me having even gotten to this were crazy so i was already hyped, but i kept my hopes low just to manage it all sbjdhf

The interviews were done in five voice chats, with enough room for one player and a mod. someone would join, get interviewed, then leave the call, then there was a split second opportunity to click on that call with just the right timing as a hundred other people tried to do the same.

somehow, i got in one! i was interviewed by a guy called brethoodie, who was the actual head of mrbeast gaming behind the scenes?? I think??? and like-it actually went super well. we were vibing and it was just a really nice conversation tbh. he had a question they asked like 'if you won 100k and had to spend it on something for urself (rather than donate it, pay off debt, all the other realistic but generic responses), what would you do?' and i thought abt it and realised that in this fantasy land, i'd go all out crazy on materials for some kind of massive art project or sculpture type creation, and he said that was one of the most interesting responses he'd had!!

after that i continued to watch the voice channels and i realised that at the rate they went, they really couldve only interviewed like. i dunno. 20-40 people max? so i was feeling PRETTY good about my chances. he said theyd get back to me in a week or two if i'm in, but I just never heard anything back.

which was like, fine? was disappointed ofc but like. Oh Well. it was an interesting time regardless

a couple months later a video came out, i figure this was the one they'd been working on so i have a look and...

thats

well, that's not me. but it is someone with a STRIKINGLY similar username to the sleepyyghostt that i am

Now, its perfectly possible that i just simply didn't get picked. but a part of me..... like really wonders if they got the usernames mixed up somewhere along the line. like maybe the hoodie guy was like, oh who was that person i talked to, sleepy something? (grabs a different sleepy someone) You!

or maybe, they just picked other people. which is fine! i just.. i told this whole story to my friend a couple weeks ago and they were INSISTENT that they totally meant to pick me and my conspiracy theory was correct x_x

either way!!!!! an interesting story!!!

#I GOT DRAMATIC WRITINGTHIS ONE DJSJFHJF #its a shame cause i had the cursed thought months before this that if i ever somehow won a car from mrbeast i knew in my heart id have to #call it the Beastmobile #and if i were in that persons place i would probably won one lmao #textpost tag #youtube #mrbeast #BUT YEAH! QUITE THE THING THAT WAS!#this was all abt a year ago now #asks

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confessions-official · 1 year ago

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i’ve tried to start crocheting recently and i CANNOT do a chain stitch. i just can’t. i’ve looked up multiple different ways, i’ve tried each of them many times but my hands are just. Not doing it right??? i am actually on the verge of a meltdown because What the Fuck i have spent an HOUR trying to do an allegedly easy thing. specifically it’s the yarning over thats fucking everything up for me. i am trying so so hard but i am ass at anything to do with coordination and i would like to have another body please. i would like a refund on my flesh suit or at least my brain because it’s really amazingly shitty at working like it’s supposed to. i am genuinely considering staying home sick from school for the rest of the week so i can keep trying to make this goddamn motherfucking chain stitch.

and i can’t talk to anyone about this or anything coordination-related that i struggle with because they’ll say “its fine, practice makes perfect, nobody gets it on their first try” and its like. okay but YOU are not experiencing this. YOU do not have to deal with being disabled even though 1) your disability isn’t recognized as a disability even though it is extremely fucking disabling which sucks because 2) i am diagnosed with this, i was diagnosed with it at a young age i will be dealing with this for the rest of my fucking life it impacts literally every facet of everything which makes it more infuriating that 3) mostly people don’t fucking know what it is. which makes it very tiring whenever i talk about it because i have to preface the conversation with an explanation of what it is. and whenever i’m explaining this to someone as a reason for why i can’t do a thing or will do badly at a thing they’ll be like “ok well you shouldnt let that impact you so much, stop using it as an excuse” because 4) most people do not consider it a physical disability. they just don’t! which is. kind of wild to me. because like. yeah the disorder that makes everything involving coordination 100 times more difficult DO interfere with my daily life, actually. nobody gets that. it’s not that i’m clumsy, my legs just don’t work like they should. i can’t even run for longer than a couple seconds without needing to lay down for a couple minutes.

my body doesn’t work right. thats it. thats the whole thing. it doesnt work how it should and that’s fucked up every single part of my life. “dyspraxic children may be more vulnerable to bullying and social rejection” YEAH NO SHIT! even as a kid in PE classes i could see everybody else doing things that my body just wouldn’t. i tried for years but i am simply not built for that. and of fucking course thats going to get you othered, rejected and bullied, which if it happens enough times will fuck up your social skills for A While. i’m not trying to mope around about it because i understand that it’s not that bad a disorder, it is disabling but other disabilities are more disabling and i can mostly pretend i don’t need any accommodations. thats fine. i can do that. its just that the fucking chain stitch made me realize “oh, fuck. i know why my life is like this.” and maybe i am having a very strong reaction about not being able to do a chain stitch but i don’t know. it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, i guess. like, i can’t do any sports or most art, i don’t have any friends, i don’t go out and do things and i can’t even do a fucking chain stitch? i can’t even do that? i probably will end up getting it in a while but idk. i just want to crochet, man. i don’t know why this is so difficult for me. i wish i wasn’t like this. i wish i was better. like, just in general i want to be better. i’ve tried but i can’t. i just want a body and brain that work how they’re supposed to. i don’t see why i have to work twice as hard as everyone for the same results. i know nothing in life is fair but jesus christ this is ridiculous. i’m very “sad, down on his luck protagonist who gets sucked into a whirlwind adventure” coded. i am. going to start crying

#confession

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risoria · 6 months ago

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Dont know if that helps but there are people like me who use social media to unwind, and specifically filter out political content (i do this on tumblr in particular) because i engage in political work in my every day life. Tumblr is my stupid place to recharge. Insta is mixed. Some apps have specific purposes for me. Some of them help me stay informed but they also bring me down. People not engaging with content that they didnt follow the person for doesnt mean they dont care, if that helps. And some people are engaged in other struggles, and might not have the capacities to deal with stuff in other countries, especially if their country is not involved at all. There are many ongoing genocides and wars, meanwhile europe is shifting to the right significantly. Lots of work. Some people pick their battles. And many battles don't happen online.

thank you for your input, i value these conversations! for me personally, unfortunately they don't really help - im sorry, it's not your fault its just that we have different perspectives!

i’m the exact opposite because my previous work DID mentally destroy me completely because… no one really cared - about the suffering, and how abysmal the legislations and the actual realities were (the context is animal cruelty in the food industry but thats not the point, this goes for all politics because….. everything is politics!) - and coming to social media to unwind does help for a little WHILE, but at the end of the day i have to talk about the things weighing on me just to hear that i am not going crazy because other people feel them too… and those conversations with my small social circle and with strangers etc are more important in the long run, both for me and for our communities as a whole. You are absolutely right though that if we're being absolutely honest there are TOO many battles for any one individual to fight - so its a good thing that people do choose the ones they know the most about and that are closest to their heart. But it's also true and inescapable that people also use this as an excuse, "there's too many bad things :c" just to keep up the status quo.

I know this is different from your experience ofc! It was very kind of you to answer my ramblings btw - dont worry, i am fine now (the projects help a lot!), i’m just musing on the ironic fact that i personally dont want to post about insignificant things on my social media anymore simply because it’s too hard when they get engagement and the important posts do not. Again, i absolutely know this doesnt mean people don’t care, and sometimes people just miss posts - and also like you said, some people do their activism etc offline.

however… i’m sure you have also had the misfortune of trying to talk to anti-boycotters or rightwing politicians etc on for example twitter and thus know that shitty people exist everywhere and hearing mockery and dismissal Constantly is taxing for everyone. so when people ""choose to ignore"" things you cant actually tell if theyre just.... staying silent for whatever reason on their soc med (which is… one hell of a choice :))) and its not the right one. objectively) or if they actually don’t care at all - because how Can you know when people choose to stay silent through nine months of this?

also this is just a tangent, but there's also the fact that yes some people just do in fact simply not see the same posts on their timeline, but at the end of the day we all curate our own timelines and its Very free to look up the specific blogs you want to follow that raises awareness etc! again, this is with the assumption that you aren't an activist / work with politics or charities offline ofc, because not that many people do - i don't, for example, but my goal and dream is to start doing it but... i have to piece my brain back together first...

#im sorry more incoherent rambles!!!#again this is not actually venting for once just Afternoon Musings #i hope you dont take this the wrong way!

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kwonhochi · 10 months ago

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what are your thoughts about the fatphobic comments hoshi has made towards his own members. i am asking this as a genuine question but no hoshi fan whatever you guys are called wants to give me an answer lol

ok so i have been pretty offline and not keeping up w a lot of svt content so this conversation completely missed my radar ! i assume ur talking about this video since thats what ive seen recent conversation abt when i went looking.

- i do want to clarify i am not someone who has had to deal with fatphobia, so my word should not hold as much weight as those who have, and it should be important to uplift the voices of those most impacted by such comments.

we see comments like this often in kpop. an idol’s life revolves around being skinny and packaged of that perfect doll (and only a skinny one!), and the culture in korea (and east asia as a whole) further enforces that. however ! having HAD to deal with such pressure to be skinny they know very well how uncomfortable comments about your weight to be, no matter how joking in tone. in the video hoshi first makes a very unnecessary comment abt seungkwan being a “pig” - perhaps to make light of how peder had been commenting on how little seungkwan was eating - and no matter how the language difference affects the meaning of pig in korean, seungkwan very clearly expresses his displeasure with this comment (tho definitely exaggerated for the cameras). kwan has been dealing with comments like these for years and we have seen how painfully its affected his self esteem and body image, and the members know this. hoshi should definitely know better! right after the video cuts to when peder accidentally says boohae and the rest of bss joke to try and explain the meaning of the word thru their language difference. this also reads like theyre trying to make light of the situation, but dk telling peder to call seungkwan boohae again after theyd cleared up the misunderstanding is DEFINITELY crossing a line and i think thats the part i take most issue with, personally. these clips mostly seem to be the results of some poor taste in jokes taken too far.

ultimately, this is an issue seungkwan needs to clear up with his members, if it really is an issue. theyve known each other for (more than) a decade, so they can (and have) set boundaries about what to joke about and what not to - i’d be surprised if they hadnt already set boundaries abt this topic, but its not my place to pry into their personal lives and relationships with each other, nor it is my place to decide what they should do about this matter! there have been repeated offenses of fatphobic comments by various seventeen members so i do think it is very important that we talk with them about the harm these comments can cause, both to the people listening and the people they are talking about.

you are going to run into fatphobia in kpop spaces. from idols (both about themselves and the people around them), their companies, and from fans. but it really shouldnt be like that! it really shouldnt. this is a topic we do have to approach with nuance, considering both cultural and language differences, as well as the working conditions of an idol, but we cant simply excuse these comments because of that. idols should know better, and if they dont, we have the power to let them know that!

i hope we can continue to foster productive conversations about these issues and include idols in these conversations. i do firmly believe people are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them; we just have to make sure we are giving idols the opportunity to learn, and educate themselves, after making these comments. as fans, we are the people powering and funding this whole industry, and we do have power from this! i know its possible to make kpop a better space. it just takes time and a group effort. i have seen a lot of people write off serious, important criticism of groups as simply “hate” - which ultimately trivializes the whole issue and doing so does not accomplish anything. dogpiling on someone for a mistake can also make them feel attacked and adverse to changing if its not handled with enough tact. fandom spaces as a whole need to develop the skill of being able to seriously face topics that need addressing and learning how to then work together to solve/better these problems. the original(?) account i saw that posted the clips this month, a year after the videos posting, did have a history of posting derogatory tweets about hoshi, but that does not make the issue of fatphobia and body shaming among seventeen & kpop as a whole any less real, or any less in need of addressing. And scene

#okay this got really long and i was trying to write this in a Loud Room so i do not think i accomplished the level of articulation i had #hoped to achieve but i hope this answers your question nonny ! thank u for bringing this to my attention #anon tag 🌟#if anyone has some better organized thoughts about this i would love to hear them 👍❣️

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1-800-c0sm1c · 3 years ago

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If you're not too busy, can I please request headcanons for Joker, Ryuji, Yusuke, and Akechi overhearing their female S/O singing along to her favorite song and showing great talent?

꒰i will always love you !꒱

singing headcannons !

character x f!reader

includes joker, ryuji, yusuke, and akechi !

warnings : none.

a/n : this was a cute one to write ^^ it is also totally not 4am as i am publishing this lol

JOKER // REN AMAMIYA

all im saying is this guy is definitely a theater kid. and i like to think hes good at it too.

im talking main lead in every school play that hes ever been apart of, and he always takes it to the next level too.

and when he finds out that you have a talent for singing? oh man he is WHIPPED.

you probably didnt even know that he knew, hes kind of sneaky lmao.

youre probably just singing along in the shower and he overhears, and hes surprised, he doesnt understand why youre not using this talent more.

i can see him suggesting that you should pursue the arts, especially if youre not sure what you want to do after high school. but if you have other plans thats fine, he just wants whats best for you!

LOTS and LOTS of compliments! hes so sweet and supportive in literally anything you do and singing is no exception!

similar to ryuji, i can see you guys going on karaoke dates, but the difference with ren is hes not trying to actively compete against you, he just really enjoys singing duet songs with you!

this is just the musical nerd in me but imagine,,, performing musicals together,,, so many thoughts.

this man owns my heart istg,,,

SKULL // RYUJI SAKAMOTO

ryuji finds everything you do so mesmerizing, theres practically stars in his eyes when he discovers your hidden talent!

hes also lowkey offended you didnt show him earlier LMAOO

i can picture him asking you to make him a playlist of all your favorite songs, and he listens to it whenever hes doing his homework (a rare occurrence.) or when hes playing video games.

hes basically learned the words to every song on there, and i like to think when youre over one day and you start singing along he kinda just stares at you like :0 !!

hes no professional, but he didnt think he was half bad at singing until he heard you.

only a little (a lot) jealous at how good you are afterwards he kind of just sits around with a pouty face and says something like “how can you be so good at EVERYTHING?”

as impressed he is, ryuji is competitive, so dont be surprised when your next date is a karaoke night and hes trying his hardest to 1-up you.

he claims its just because he wants to hear more of your singing, but hes putting his whole heart and soul into every song that comes on.

overall hes really supportive, and he understands if you dont feel comfortable singing around others. but if you are, hes so definitely showing you off to the other phantom thieves. (he thinks it gives him bragging rights against morgana.)

FOX // YUSUKE KITAGAWA

honestly, yusuke gives off theater kid vibes too so i see him being really excited to catch you singing!

you were over at his dorm, watching him sketch out his newest painting. there was some conversation between the two of you but you let him do most of the talking as not to disturb him too much.

you ended up suggesting to play some music in the background to fill the space, to which he nodded to, not really paying much attention.

you both sat in silence for a bit, simply enjoying each others company as the music played in the background.

“your music taste is incredible, love.” hed definitely ask for you to send him the playlist youre listening to <3

later on, your favorite song had come on, and you found yourself singing along to the music. yusuke had been silent for awhile so you had forgotten he was still in the room.

the longer the song had gone, the more you got comfortable with singing louder, to the point you were able to hit all the high notes flawlessly.

this is what had finally gotten yusukes attention away from his work, him turning back to look at you with a stunned face.

his dramatic ass is so extra about everything i swear. hes going on and on about how splendid of a performer you would be and hes amazed he hasnt heard you sing before.

you, on the other hand are still dealing with the whiplash of him still being in the room.

you guess you hadnt realized how into it youd have gotten, but at least your boyfriend got a free performance out of it!

CROW // GORO AKECHI

you had received a text from akechi 10 minutes ago. a simple “omw.” was all he wrote.

however, you still excitedly set up everything you had planned for your boyfriends awaited arrival.

hed been coming home late from his work at the police station, and you knew hed appreciate the thought of a nice relaxing night at home with his favorite foods and plenty of fuzzy blankets laid out on the couch.

you had music playing in the background as you applied the finishing touches. putting everything you had into the chorus of the song playing over the speaker.

you hadnt even heard akechi walk in over how loud everything was in your living room until you turned around and noticed him staring at you with an unreadable expression on his face.

was he disgusted? or just really surprised? it was always hard to tell with him.

you prayed it was the latter, and continued to sing along, more dramatically, like it was the most important performance of your life. you could see him laugh fondly.

once you were finished, he set his bag down on the kitchen counter to greet you properly.

“i didnt know you were so talented.” he responded blankly, “is there anything you *arent* good at?” he joked.

you laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek before playfully responding, “oh no! looks like the detective prince caught me!” and running to hide under a blanket on the couch.

he smiled at your antics, having a seat on the couch next to you, cuddling up to your covered form under the blanket.

you peeked your head out and smiled warmly at him and said, “welcome home.”

moments like these with akechi are rare, but you cherish every single one of them.

#✧;;↬ my work.❞┊🍓#✧;;↬ baton pass.❞┊🪄#✧;;↬ the counsel.❞┊🎊#persona 5 #persona 5 x reader #shin megami tensai persona #persona 5 royal #persona 5 x you #joker x reader #Ren Amamiya x Reader #ryuji sakamoto x reader #yusuke kitagawa x reader #goro akechi x reader

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moody4world · 2 years ago

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Got my twin with me like the parent trap (pt.3)

A/N: Guys i am so sorry for how long it took me to post part 3, life be getting busy😔 but i hope you guys enjoy this part since Urb and Jack are finally in it!!

Part 2

Meanwhile Hayden was bombarding you with questions in London, Andre had just landed in Louisville. As soon as he stepped off of the somewhat private airplane he was met with the man he has been carrying a picture of, since he was a little boy. Urban Wyatt, his dad. Andre was over the moon but of course he couldn’t show this. “Stay calm, stay calm.” He coached himself while controlling his excitement as best as he could.

Urban was happy to see his boy back from camp after so many weeks, he couldn’t wait to catch up on what they did during their time apart. “Come here kiddo.” Urban shouted and Andre hurriedly walked to Urban and they immediately hugged each other tightly.

“Oh everyone’s great bud, we all missed having you around.” Urban wrapped his arm around his sons shoulder and semi hugging him once more. “Come on Hayden let’s go home.”

On their way home Andre couldn’t help but look outside the windows in amazement. This was definitely a very different scene to what he was used to back in London. “Oh and by the way thanks a lot for those digital photos of your camp activities, i’m really glad i bought you that new camera you just had to have.” Andre knew Urban was being sarcastic, Hayden hadn’t sent any photos because of how busy they were perfecting their master plan. Andre couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty. “Oh we meant to send photos dad-“ “We?” Urban interrupted.

Oops, silly Andre. “Oh me and my friend. I met this guy at camp and we got along super well.” ”Well thats great Hayd.” “Yeah, practically like brothers. He was a wonderful guy.” Once again, Urban’s eyebrows furrowed. “Wonderful guy? All of a sudden you’re so proper?” he said jokingly. They both simply laughed a little and proceeded with their conversation. “I see you’re still biting your pinky nails.” “You noticed?” Andre asked him. “Noticed? you’ve been biting them ever since you could chew Hayd.” “But i’ve decided to stop now dad. It’s a horrid habit.” Andre said in a somewhat serious tone. “Wonderful guy, horrid habit…did I send you to some boarding school instead of summer camp?!” Once again they both simply laughed. “And why do you keep saying dad at the end of every sentence?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was doing it…dad.” “Do you want to know why I keep saying dad? The truth?” “It’s cause you missed your old man so much right?” Urban said with a confident grin on his face. He was focusing on the road but also turning to look at his son throughout their entire conversation, he really did miss his boy. “Exactly, it’s because in my whole life, I mean you know for the past few weeks that I was gone of course. I was never able to say the word dad. Never, not once.” Urban listened attentively while paying attention to the road.

“And if you ask me, I mean a dad is an irreplaceable person in a guy’s life. Think about it, there’s a whole day devoted to celebrating fathers! Just imagine someone’s life without a father. Never buying a father’s day card, never doing an activity you both enjoy together, never being able to say hey dad! or what’s up dad! or catch you later dad! and aren’t a baby’s first words like ‘dada’?”

Urban was processing everything his son just said. “Let me get this, you missed being able to call me dad?” “Yeah, i really have dad.”

Urb had no idea what had gotten into Hayden but he’s happy to have such an amazing bond with his son because it’s something he’s always wanted and valued. Andre noticed the welcome sign as they approached the entrance gate. “Oh my god oh my god.” “See, now you’re acting like yourself again.”

As soon as they arrived and stepped out of the car, Jack came running out to greet his nephew. He had also missed him a lot during the weeks that he was away at camp and he made sure to show it.

“Yooooo Haydeeeeen welcome back home big man. Look at you!” He gave Andre a big hug and dapped him up. “You cut your hair or did you get taller?” Jack asked him. “Maybe both?” “You hungry? I just ordered some pizza from Za’s.” Before Andre could give Jack an answer Urban was already right next to them with Andre’s bags in hand, ready to go eat some pizza. “Hey, did I hear something about pizza from Za’s?” “Yeah it’s on the countertop, come on.”

Urban went to put the bags in the bedroom while Andre and Jack were catching up. “Something’s changed about you big man. I can’t put my finger on it but something about you has definitely changed.” “Well it’s just the same old me. Honest.” Andre said while crossing his fingers behind his back. Jack was about to ask him something again but he was interrupted by a phone call. Andre took the opportunity to go inside and look around the living room and he couldn’t help but gawk at the beautiful home. All he could think about was how it all looked even more beautiful than in the pictures.

Just a few seconds later Jack walked back in after finishing his phone call. “Okay big man what do you wanna do first? we could eat and then unpack or we could unpack and then eat or we could also eat while we unpack.” “You mean I can eat in my room?” Andre asked him. The question was quite suspicious yet Jack simply ignored it and replied with his arms crossed “Yeah it’s definitely a possibility.”

“Hey Hayds, when you’re done come on down there’s someone I want you to meet.” Urban said with a giant cheese slice of pizza in his hand. “Okay dad!” “Okay Hayds.” As he stepped outside, Andre noticed a lady with long straight black hair sitting at the small table on the balcony. He could hear her whisper “Did you tell him yet?” while she rested her hands on Urban’s thighs as he was sitting on the table right in front of her now. He answered the question with a simple “No.”

Andre turned to Jack confused and asked “Tell me what?”

They decided to go ahead and unpack. “Now Hayden it’s none of my business who your dad decides to be with, he’s a grown man and he can do what he wants.” Jack said as he unzipped the heavy handbag. “Okay okay but like…who is she?” Andre couldn’t help but be curious. The only reason him and Hayden switched, apart from meeting their other parents was to reunite them. And it was going to be very hard with a Vanessa Hudgens lookalike in the way.

Jack sighed and turned to Andre. “Her name is Stephanie Walsh or something like that. They met at some party but I don’t really like the vibes she gives off. Don’t tell your dad I said that though.” “What do you mean?” Andre asked while he was looking out of his bedroom window into the giant backyard. They could hear Stephanie’s loud obnoxious laugh from all the way in the room. “I mean we both know your dad is an attractive man but he’s not the nine to five CEO type so I do have to ask myself, what is a woman like her, who does a lot of financial work and bank stuff doing with a guy like him? Makes me think there’s something else going on.”

As Jack was listing his reasons to not trust Stephanie, Andre was using his camera that Urban himself gifted him to zoom in on what was going on outside. Stephanie and Urban were holding hands as they strolled through the backyard, occasionally stopping to kiss each other. Andre was told his dad was quite funny but he wasn’t convinced that he was funny enough for Stephanie to be giggling that loudly. “So then I realized that this girl used to hang out with some producers i’ve seen around or people who are associated with other big artists.” “You mean, you don’t think she really likes him?” Andre turned to Jack. “Eh what do I know? You just don’t expect to see a banker hanging around those types of people I guess.” Jack shrugged. “But i’ll tell you one thing. This one’s got your dad eating outta the palm of her hand.” Andre frowned in disgust as he turned back to spying on his dad and Stephanie.

“They do everything together. They bike together, they swim together. They go out to eat dinner every night. You know what? See for yourself, don’t let me influence you.”

From what Andre could see, Urban was indeed very into Stephanie which was not a good sign.

Operation reunite mom and dad just got a whole lot harder.

#moody4world #moody fics #parent trap au #parent trap #urban wyatt x reader #urban wyatt x you #urban wyatt #urban wyatt imagine #jack harlow

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actualbird · 2 years ago

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Hiya Zak!

Lately I've been wondering, how do you write your fics? Do you have a process? A starting point?

Also, I know a major part ppl talk about in writing is "show not tell", how do you know if you're telling instead of showing? Cause I know that I, for one, would look down at what I wrote and have no idea if I'm showing or telling.

eyyo roshie-writes :DDD

ive actually answered the question on my writing process several times before. heres the latest time i answered that question in depth (answered in dec 2021), but the tl;dr is "i make at minimum 2 outlines before Actually Writing, and my outlines get Very detailed so im effectively writing each fic at least 3 times before it actually gets posted on ao3, because i apparently love to make myself suffer" jHVJHVKJFHD

but forreal, that ask does basically go thru my entire writing process, from idea conception to Actual Writing. and my process hasnt changed one bit since then. this has been my process since like, 2015 actually HAHA. it really works for me and how my brain is Built, but every single writer is different. what works for me may not work for others. like, i am Hugely reliant on outlines, but i know a lot of writers who get bogged down by outlines and prefer to write just straight to the page, and it's really fascinating and delightful to me that there are endless methods and ways to get a story out :D

what i wanted to talk about more is the "show dont tell" thing because.....

i hate that writing tip so much JHVKJDVFJKHDSFS

and u just gave me an excuse to talk about why at length! but i still also answer ur questions ofc! just.....after i talk about a whole lot of other things oops

for easy reference, heres the chronological table of contents im gonna go through under the cut (because this response got Long As Hell it's---OH GOD IT'S OVER 1.4K WORDS LONG, IM SO SORRY)

what "show dont tell" is (bcuz definitions r important)

litmus test to figure out whether youre showing or telling

why i dont like "show dont tell" (bcuz theres a time and place for both showing and telling, they both have benefits)

how i personally like to spruce up "telling"

feel free to skip over to the litmus test, since thats what u asked for! the rest is just me rambling because i am Very passionate about the benefits of "telling" HAHA

without further ado, lemme get into it!

what "show dont tell" is (bcuz definitions r important)

Telling is = giving the information that a sentence/scene is trying to convey outright.

Showing is = giving the information that a sentence/scene is trying to convey through description.

so in its simplest definition, an example of a Telling sentence could be, for example "The office of Luke's detective agency was often messy, but Rosa's has always known that Luke's a bit of a messy person."

meanwhile a Showing version of that sentence could be, for example "Upon entering the office of Luke's detective agency, there were discarded reports on the floor, dusty file boxes in disarray, a half empty bag of dried figs on the couch; all of which Rosa just sighs fondly at."

at this point, i wanna say that "show dont tell" is probably a very popular piece of advice because for many beginner writers or for people new to storytelling in general, the first instinct is to tell. because it's often more direct, and it's also how we generally tell stories in casual conversation, for example. like, when im telling my friend about a funny thing that happened at work, i tell them "dude this thing made me SO FUCKING NERVOUS" which is a Telling sentence. i usually dont go "my hands were shaking the entire time i was giving this presentation and my gut felt like it was twisting into itself" which is a Showing sentence, simply because the Telling sentence is easier and quicker to say.

Telling is first instinct, but reading a 5k short story that is all Telling can get pretty boring or monotonous, because what Showing has that Telling often doesnt have is Description. Showing fleshes out a scene some more, challenges the reader to surmise details on their own and connect the dots themselves, and also trains beginners to be more active in describing their scenes and fleshing it out further.

litmus test to figure out whether youre showing or telling

in general when youve got a Telling sentence, the information a sentence is trying to convey is most usually directly spelled out in the sentence itself.

on the flipside, when youve got a Showing sentence, the information is something that can be garnered from the descriptors of what can be seen, how other characters react, etc.

so long as a sentence is Not Outright saying the information it wants to get across, then youve probably got a showing sentence.

so if ur trying to figure out if what youve written is Telling or Showing, first ask yourself "what information am i trying to convey here?" and once you know that, look at what youve written and see how you conveyed it. did you convey this directly? or did you allude to it using details that lead to that information?

to demonstrate, let me go back to my previous example with luke and rosa. both sentences are conveying two pieces of information. 1) that the office is usually messy and 2) that rosa isn't surprised cuz she knows luke Lives Like This

the Telling sentence says these pieces of info outright. meanwhile the Showing sentence doesnt and takes more time to give details that simply allude to those two pieces of information, details like what shit luke has strewn around his apartment and rosa's reaction.

why i dont like "show dont tell" (bcuz theres a time and place for both showing and telling, they both have benefits)

i dont like "show dont tell" because a lot of the time, when i see this piece of writing advice, it's worded as "ALWAYS show and NEVER tell" and uh.......no, thats not right

first off, all writing advice is Not absolute. what works for one writer may not work for another writer and no technique out there is inherently Bad, it all Depends on so many factors. secondly, the balance between Showing and Telling is also hugely reliant on each writer's specific style. like, personally i love to do Telling a bunch for sentence structure variation, for humor/comedy, or for a whole lot of other reasons!! which leads me to my third point:

Telling has its uses and its benefits.

because listen......Showing is indeed really great, and like i said earlier, it pushes writers to flesh out scenes more.

but not every scene or piece of information in a story needs to be fleshed out in the way that Showing necessitates.

i like to think about it this way. Showing has the tendency to expand a scene/information, and i visualize this literally. like, if my story was represented by 5 accordions glued to each other (bear with me here), and i just so happened wanted to use Showing for everything, all of those accordions would be stretched out and expanded. on the flipside, if i use Telling for everything, all of those accordions are pushed tight together, because Telling tends to contract a scene/information.

having a story thats 5 accordions long that made up of All Telling OR All Showing is generally not how stories work. instead, stories are a mix of accordions, some contracted and some expanded, because different scenes/information have different levels of importance and value.

like, lemme use an example from chapter 2 of "yes, she’s my lover, yes, she’s a half-dragon. any more questions?" since thats one of my most recent non smut fics HAHA

over the course of this chapter, the following happens

luke realizes he needs to find out more information on ria being half dragon

luke starts writing to vyn, a scholar, who could have that info

luke travels to stellis to meet vyn

luke meets vyn at his bookshop and theres a whole situation that happens there

luke returns back to his and ria's cottage

luke and ria have a little heart to heart over dinner about stuff

of those 6 things, numbers 4 and 6 are the most important scenes to me. in the chapter, numbers 4 and 6 are the scenes that get most fleshed out, they are the most told through Showing sentences in a Showing kind of method

but the other stuff isnt as important in the chapter, but they still need to be there for logistical reasons. number 1 needs to be there to setup the reason for why this whole chapter happens, but i dont want to bog the entire chapter down with just luke Realizing He Needs More Info, so i write number 1 mostly in hindsight, and mostly through Telling sentences.

same goes with numbers 2, 3, and 5. those things need to happen to get from scene to scene, but it's not like it's narratively important for me to write out luke's entire medieval fantasy commute. i can just say "One of the kingdom’s main cities is a quarter-day’s ride away from the nearby village, and after letting Ria know that he’s off to do some errands, Luke hitches a ride with a vendor on his way to the city; Stellis." and boom, done, we're in stellis and now we can get on with the more interesting bits

Telling has its uses because a story can't always be Showing everything, because then that puts every single instance or piece of information at Exactly the same value. when it really isnt! sometimes, a guy just needs to get from point A to point B, and so long as nothing important is happening during that travel, Telling is a much more economical way to go about it. sometimes the info Needs to be conveyed, but not necessarily expanded.

and this can make the stuff that is expanded and is done through Showing more impactful or striking because of the contrast. like, in the chapter i used as an example, thats 6 accordions, but 2 are completely expanded while the other 4 are more contracted. this makes the 2 more notable because it's chock full of description, dialog, imagery, etc. it makes more of an impact than, say, luke's medieval fantasy commute, because i contracted that accordion and expanded these accordions.

additionally, i seem to see a lot of people who espouse "ALWAYS show and NEVER tell" seeing Telling as something that will always be boring and dull.

and Telling can be dull sometimes, sure, but there are definitely ways to spruce it up and make it integral to the story. which leads me to my next point

how i personally like to spruce up "telling"

ok it's at this point that i realize this response is now over 1.4k words long so UHHHH I'LL GO THROUGH THIS NEXT BIT SUPER QUICKLY

which will be easy cuz i actually wrote up a whole post about this before, so lemme just link it: "USE YOUR CHARACTER'S PERSPECTIVE IN "TELLING" TO MAKE "TELLING" MORE ENGAGING" POST

uh so. this response got outta hand jhvjhVKJHVKHJ but i hope something her can be helpful!!!

#i get uh....impassioned when talking abt writing processes and techniques jVKJVKJH #asks #roshie-writes

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its-me-im-coraline · 3 years ago

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Little Puppet // Ethan Torchio, Damiano David

words // 4261, i have never written this much in one go my whole life, holy shit

warnings // smut, degradation, sub!reader, name calling (ya know, slut and stuff like that), threesome, oral, no explicit mention of protection, but obvi that's not how it should go in real life, anyways.... thats all i can think right now. has not been proofread

pairing // Ethan Torchio x F!Reader x Damiano David (leaning more to Ethan)

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. im going with female reader cause that's how it was requested. here's the smut playlist, def listen to it when you get to the smut part, or the whole time, whatever you want. thanks to anyone who adds songs to the playlist 💘

i feel like i cpupve made it kinkier but at 1 am and with over 4000 words i was a little tired to do that.

request // yes, here

summary // Ethan can not stop thinking of sharing his fwb with his bandmate, Damiano. A thought sparked from a random drunk conversation he had with his best friend will end up with them both pleasing Reader to tears

Experimenting in the bedroom was nothing unusual for Ethan and Y/N. The two had known each other for quite a while, overtaken by attraction but neither was ready for a relationship. Instead the pair opted for a slightly different compromise, one that had no name, no label, for now. While neither had the intention of an actual romantic partnership, it never stopped them from being loving and affectionate towards each other. Neither would ever have to leave before the morning comes.

Thus, as the light shone through his bedroom window, Ethan opened up his eyes, looking at the person laying by his side. Such a beauty, the shy rays of sun laying over the features Ethan so many times observed. It was common to do this in the morning, it would calm him down, especially on the very busy days.

“Anything particular you are thinking of while staring at me, Ethan?” There was no hesitation, no grogginess coming from Y/N’s voice, Ethan realised how he was not the only one awake previously.

“Well, I am, but I am not sure you could handle it,” he responded, smirking down at the laying figure, leaving a few kisses before finishing his reply, “plus, it is too early in the morning for such sinful thoughts.”

“Mhm, as if our endeavours last night were holy,” Y/N laughed, kissing Ethan back, as his lips crushed into hers.

“Well, you were certainly calling god if I recall correctly, cucciola, no?”

Maybe what made this situation not be awkward was exactly the fact that the two were friends. They thrived from the friendly banter, never missed an opportunity to mess with each other. It was just how they were and it worked perfectly to their benefit.

“I can tell it is troubling you, Edgar. You want to tell me what’s going on?”

"It's nothing amore let's just get ready. I'm quite hungry if you must know," he mumbled on her neck, trailing kisses all the way to her lips before abandoning the bed.

“Come on,” he called, ushering the girl to follow him.

Their feet were bare, no clothing no nothing -at least until Y/N pulled a few pieces of clothing for them both to wear- as they walked into the bathroom to start their day. They stood right next to each other as they washed their teeth, washed their faces, fixed their hair and so on and so forth.

“Isn’t that shirt too small for you, dolcezza,” commented Ethan, laughing at his own joke and poking Y/N’s side.

“Eh, well, I can take it off,” she suggested, pulling at the hem of his shirt that she was wearing. That only resulted in a laugh from the tall man, him shuffling her hair and walking out of the bathroom, putting distance between him and Y/N’s complaining about messing up her hair.

After that everything moved quite quickly. Y/N left the cosy home and went to her own house, leaving Ethan with his bandmates to work on their upcoming stuff. She knew how much it meant to him, but she also knew how stressful this career was to him. She always had something small to do to make his days even a little bit more relaxing, of course one of them being their nocturnal activities.

By the time night got around the drummer was sitting at the side of the pool, next to a small table, a beer in his hand as music played in the background. Everyone was doing their own thing: Victoria was swimming, Thomas was preoccupied with a cigarette and his phone and Damiano was sitting on the other side of the previously mentioned table having a conversation with Ethan. It started with speaking about small things before the subject turned more serious.

“You really like her, don’t you?” Damiano had, very early on, caught on his friend’s emotion, he was not very sure that Ethan was aware of his own feelings. It had become a little stupid in the frontman’s mind.

“I am not sure, Dami. She’s great, she is, and we are really close friends but… I don’t know…” Clueless as ever, thought the older man.

“Well, if anything at least you guys have a fucking amazing sex life, everyone can hear,” he laughed out, semi teasing his friend but kind of revaling a piece of information no one had had the heart to tell the tall man.

It caught him by surprise. He was never shy about his sex life, and truth be told he and Y/N never hid their predicament… He simply never thought they were being that loud; maybe that’s exactly the reason he had not understood the others could hear, the reason as to why they were so loud. “Mhm, didn't think you could,” he responded and took a drag of his cigarette.

Damiano copied his action, inhaling his own smoke and releasing it before he decided to say exactly what he was thinking. “Don’t worry about it. I personally don’t mind it, it’s kind of… entertaining.”

If Ethan was surprised before then now he was shocked and blushing. Of course, it was not in his nature to show it, and make this feeling obvious, but he surely had thoughts running through his head now. “So, what? You jack off to us having sex, though about a threesome? What is it?”

“Maybe a bit of both,” said Damiano, looking down at his beer. He was a bit ashamed but at the same time he could not keep his mouth shut, the alcohol overtaking his proper ability to keep some thoughts to himself. “I have to be honest, the noises she makes, they kill me, man.”

Everyone could see the gears in Ethan’s mind turn. On the one hand contemplating his friend’s confession and on the other thinking of all the ways he could punish Y/N for being as loud as she was.“So, if I asked you to join, you’d be in?”

Now it was the frontman’s turn to get shocked and blush, but he certainly could not lie. He would be more than into it, considering the many times he has thought of that, each and every one of them leading to him either taking a cold shower or taking care of himself hoping that it’d be Y/N instead. “Yes, I suppose I would…”

The conversation stayed at that, neither of the two men knowing exactly what to say or do at the time being. Instead they opted to wait it out, see when the proper time comes to bring it up again before deciding on what to do. And that day came soon, sooner than either anticipated.

Y/N had been especially bratty -just maybe two days after the conversation occurred- pushing Ethan to his limit with the teasing, the innuendos and the clothes she was wearing. It was the perfect occasion. A little punishment was in store and the tall man knew exactly how to execute it.

“What the fuck was that?” Ethan’s voice was stern, not nearly close to a yell but authoritative nonetheless, the stoic expression on his face never failing to let Y/N know exactly what he was thinking of: she was going to be fucked, both literally and figuratively, but she was surely into that.

“Such a little slut,” he voiced, pulling the girl to his body, their faces almost touching and their breaths mixing together. A whine left her lips but Ethan was quick to shut it with his words, “you were not complaining when you acted like one, cucciola. In front of everybody as well. Did you see how Dami was looking at you? I’m sure you flashed him at least once all night.”

The girl shivered at what her friend was suggesting, a tingling feeling was taking over her pussy, legs already ready to fail her.

“Maybe he could help me punish you.” These words almost send Y/N in a frenzy. Her eyes widened and her lips parted, an obvious gasp escaping her lips, causing a deep laugh from Ethan.

“You like that idea, don’t you?” She simply nodded her head, mind racing to all the possible outcomes of tonight.

“I need your words, dolcezza. I need your explicit consent to this,” he whispered, holding Y/N’s face in his hands, leaving a kiss just next to her lips.

She softly responded with a yes, voice trembling and low, unable to come out properly. She had gotten probably a little too excited.

“Be a doll and just sit there, yeah. I’m going to go call Damiano. I’m sure he is dying to see how desperate you are to have both of us.” With that the man left the room, presumably going to call his friend over.

When Damiano walked into the room Y/N was violently taken out of her thoughts, the man’s energy overtaking the whole room, his temperament easing any possible worry the girl could have for this situation.

“I’m here dolcezza,” called Damiano, sitting next to her on the bed with the biggest shit eating grin he could possibly have.

“Don’t be so eager, Dami. She’ll be cocky within minutes, we don’t want that.” Always the stern dom he is, Ethan asserted himself over both people in the people. He did not need many words or strong actions to show them who is in charge, a look and his tone were enough to let that be known.

Damiano looked down, in a similar fashion from a few days prior, only this time he was not really shy, more like a puppy that just got yelled at.

“Why don’t you get undressed Damiano, our little puppet over here can not wait to see what you have to offer.” The man mentioned smirked, his confidence reappearing in a second before obliging to his friend’s request.

He decided to play it dirty, going slow, surely attempting to give the little puppet a show. His hands moved slowly, pulling his shirt up and over his head before traveling from his chest to his waist in a seductive way, stopping for just a moment, making sure Y/N’s eyes were right on his own before removing his belt and opening up his pants. In the meanwhile, Ethan had moved Y/N to be sitting on her knees on the floor, in front of the undressing man, eye level with his pants’ zipper.

“Help Damiano, amore. It seems he’s struggling with his pants and you are right where you need to.” She shivered at his words but followed the orders, slowly unbuttoning his pants, her face having moved a little too close -not that it was not welcome- pulling them down and simply gawking at the view in front of her.

She went to move, to please, but her dominating best friend seemed to have other plans.”Not yet, puppet. Come on. This is supposed to be a punishment for you, but we all know how much a cock shucking slut you are. You’ll get his dick but you have more work to do.”

Damiano opposed his friend, already feeling desperate to get whatever he could from the girl below him, dying to feel her lips around his cock, oh and her tongue, oh that tongue he had seen plenty of times devouring ice cream cones in the most pornographic way possible. Sometimes he wished she was in one.

“I think it’s a good start to a punishment, Ethan. She can suck my cocka and then just simply not get it fucking her, yet.” His plan had some practicality to it, knowing very well how much she’d be dying to have a dick buried deep inside her after getting a feel in her mouth.

“I’ll allow it,” said Ethan, starting the process of undressing himself, and looking around the room for anything that could bring more pleasure to everyone involved.

“Well, what are you waiting for, cucciola. Go on, show him how well you blow whistles.” With that the girl wasted no time, pulling Damiano’s boxers down, taking them off him with his help and getting to work. It started off simple, a few pumps at first to get him even harder than he already was (he’d really bet that any man could get hard in seconds seeing her on her knees in front of him, it was a divine view). Her hand was going slowly, her focus on the man’s face, looking up at him all innocently, making sure that his own eyes were on her.

“I am looking at you, dolcezza, don’t worry,” confirmed the man, as if reading her mind.

So, she continued, entirely encouraged to show her best self, to be a good girl for the two men in front of her. Moving on, her hand stayed pumping the man’s cock for a second before her tongue came onto the mix, licking all the way up the curve, a very thick vein getting special attention and then the head. It was already leaking pre-cum, the girl’s antiques driving Damiano insane by the second -and she had not even started blowing him yet. With a push to her head by the singer Y/N really took his cock into her mouth, starting with the head, sucking and bobbing her head a bit, still moving her skilled fingers up and down, with every bob taking more and more of the length reaching a point where she had taken it all. She paused in that place for a second, relaxing her throat, Damiano’s cock resting deep inside her mouth, before she moved in need of breath. The same pattern repeated itself a few more times before the pace got quicker, following the music that was now playing from Ethan’s speaker.

It did not take long for the older man to cum, unexpectedly, in Y/N’s mouth, some delicious sounds leaving her lips and sending vibrations all through his cock, intensifying his orgasm.

“I could have never thought she’s that good, Ethan. Why have you been hoarding her this whole time?” He laughed, all in one breath and blown completely out of his mind.

“Exactly because I know how good she is. But tonight she has been plenty bad, although she’s trying to act all innocent now.”

“I’m a good girl daddy, see?” She questioned, tongue out, showing evidence of her swallowing predicaments, “I took all of it.”

Ethan smiled, looking down to his friend, his big hand holding her jaw and spitting in her mouth as it stayed open. Swallowing that down as well Y/N showed it to the two men, waiting impatiently for the next orders.

No orders came for the time being, Ethan sitting himself on the bed, back resting on the bed frame, opening his legs and motioning for her to sit between them. She clearly obliged, knowing very well that her punishment was already going to be overwhelming but oh so pleasurable and she wanted nothing more.

In all honesty the drummer was played to her needs every time, the punishments being always the outcome she hoped for (except few occasions when she had gotten Ethan so much she ended up edged on for over a week as a punishment, and although the orgasm was spectacular, the wait was torture). Ethan knew it and he was not opposed to it, instead working with the girl’s deviousness.

As she sat between his thighs, back on his chest and palms resting right on his thighs, Ethan used his calves and feet to keep Y/N’s legs spread open, thankful she was wearing a dress and panties that he could easily replace any time he wanted. He prompted Damiano to move between both their legs, face aligned with her pussy, the frontman practically salivating at the sight in front of him.

She had anticipated this night, having bought a cheap but utterly sexy lingerie set online, wearing said lingerie in an attempt to drive Ethan crazy. It was black, with little orange flowers here and there, some lace with mesh material surrounding her pussy, back piece doing little to cover her ass cheeks. Damiano was currently dying at the, almost, disappearance of the fabric due to the wetness leaving absolutely nothing hidden -not that the material could hide much anyway. He moved up, face just a hair’s distance from the wetness, just about to leave a kiss but the other man had different plans.

“Don’t be so eager, Dami, you’ll get what you want in a bit,” he said, palms massaging the girl’s boobs, kisses being left on her neck. “I think she’s overdressed.”

Damiano agreed to the statement, sharing just one simple look with Ethan, reaping the panties apart, her pussy now fully exposed. The singer looked up to his friend once again, a nod of approval being more than enough to shoot the man into action.

His lips swiftly found her clit, not much effort for the skilled man, sucking and kissing the sensitive bud, tongue lapping the juices of her pussy taking advantage of the wetness to stimulate her clit. Y/N’s head fell back, on the drummer’s shoulder, the man taking advantage of the angle and leaving kisses and marks on her neck, one hand always on her chest, the other currently choking her. She moaned so beautifully in his ear, making him harder than he thought he could get, surprised at how well he held himself together.

Damiano kept eating the girl out, fingers starting to dive into her pussy one at a time. He got up to four, said pussy taking them in wonderfully, practically swallowing them within the velvety confines. “I’ve experienced nothing hotter in my life, dolcezza. This pussy is scrumptious, could eat it for days,” he, himself thrusting on the bed, already having gotten hard again, craving some friction. His mouth was leaving wet kisses to her thigh and his fingers were deep inside her, going in and out, Ethan adding his own fingers, playing with her clit edging her closer and closer to the edge.

All the telltales were there: the shaking, the loudness, the closed eyes… She was ready to cum, but it was not something Ethan could allow yet. He stopped his actions, placing a hand on his band mate’s head, said man getting the memo and pausing as well. “You really thought you’d come this easy, amore? Oh no! You have been acting like a desperate slut all day, flashing Damiano and now letting him taste you, knowing it drives me crazy. You have been very naughty,” he explained before shuffling her off his body, moving to stand up.

Y/N could not help but whine, the sound only enabling the two men. “I think she’s been naughty again. Didn’t you say you’d be a good girl, puppet?” She simply nodded head looking down, but not before seeing the look on Damiano’s face. “I think some spanking would put our puppet in place.”

Ethan nodded in agreement, already moving Y/N to bend over the bed, her legs wobbly from her previously denied orgasm. “Count for Damiano, dolcezza,” said the man, leaving a kiss on her back and then starting his actions.

“One.”

Although her words were what was asked of her Damiano was not satisfied, giving her one of his own and speaking up. “Say thank you, puppy, don’t be rude.”

Another spank, “three, thank you,” she followed the orders, jumping forward with every slap on her skin.

As she reached ten it got harder to count. Damiano had started fingering her again, opting to pause his actions after every few thrusts, slamming his palms on her ass cheeks or pussy. It’d be a lie if Y/N said this wasn’t enjoyable-after all she could not stop moaning loudly, but the redness of her ass would disagree.

“Why don’t you keep quiet, puppy? These noises of yours are what got you here. You can’t hide how much you like this, can you, slut?”

For the second time that night, Y/N was on the verge of cumming all over Damiano’s fingers, unable to speak yet again.

“Use,” spank, “your,” spank, “words,” spank.

“I can’t hide, daddy,” she responded, this time leaving an almost screaming moan, eyes rolling all the way to the back of her head, once again almost falling apart.

Before she had the chance Damiano stopped, hands retracting from the girl and into his mouth, tasting her on his lips.

“I think you can take at least one more, puppet. Can you?” Ethan, had been quite distanced this whole time, deciding to let his friend get a taste of his sex partner, but deciding this was the best moment to do his thing.

Y/N nodded in confirmation, letting out a simple “green,” to let Ethan know she was not stopping just yet.

“Beautiful, puppy! You have been doing so good for us, taking your punishment so well, but we are not done yet.” A buzz sound is what concerned the girl, eyes widening at the toy.

It was a small remote virator, imitating sucking on the clit. The drummer placed the girl over his knees, stuffing the toy between his leg and her clit, shocking the sensitive bud. “I think you can take a few more spanks,” said the man, landing one at the expanse of her thigh, the skin giggling at the contact.

“Damiano, count,” ordered the assertive man, seeing his friend kneel in front of Y/N, kissing her and then doing as he was told.

“I think we were left on twenty-three. Twenty four,” he began, counting all the way to forty before the ordeal was over.

The whole time Y/N was shaking, just about to fall off the edge, asking for permission to cum but her wishes were not granted just yet. She was exhausted, overstimulated, frustrated, and now unable to move on her own. But, oh man did she need more. The two men were more than willing to assist her.

“You are doing so well, dolcezza,” praised Damiano, thinking of what to do next.

“Why don’t you get up, puppet. I think it’s time you get what you want.”

At that, her head perked up, already jumping from Ethan’s lap (almost falling while doing so) eager to be fucked and to finally orgasm. “I want you on all fours. You suck me off, Dami can fuck your pussy. I’m sure you’d love that.” She nodded, moving to be in all fours as Ethan stood on his knees on top of the bed, Damiano following suit and placing himself behind Y/N.

“Agh,” he groaned, “sei così bagnata, bambina,” he commented, collecting all the wetness on his cock before pushing inside her.

The action and the moans it emitted caused vibrations to Ethan, making him groan in pleasure, Y/N’s talent to shuck not wavering now. “You like this a lot, puppet, don’t you? Being fucked by my best friend while sucking my cock, huh? You like that?”

She could only hum in response, holes being filled to the brim so pleasurably. It was all better than she expected, more overwhelming, so she could not keep it anymore. She released Ethan’s cock, screaming loudly as her release finally overtook her, Damiano groaning in contentment. He pulled out of her afterwards, jacking himself off a bit before coating her back in his own cum.

Now the only one left unsatisfied was Ethan. His pleasure was cut short for the girl’s release, and although he was not mad, he certainly wanted to feel her.

“Can you handle one more for me, cucciola? You did such a good job so far but I need to feel you.” Y/N nodded and changed her position, this time her legs were in the air, soon to be wrapped around the drummer, eyes half closed in bliss.

“Such a good girl for me,” Ethan praised one more time before he started his rhythm slamming into her. This time it did not take long for both of them to reach their highs, the man riding out both of them and after taking a second to breathe he pulled out, falling right next to her.

“Are you ok?” This time the concerned man was Damiano, a bottle of water already in his hands and ready to give it to the girl.

“Mhm… Thank you,” she mumbled, voice almost a whisper but the smile was hard to miss.

“I think I should leave,” said the front man and he went to get dressed, abandoning the room, leaving only Ethan and Y/N in it.

Ethan got up quickly, looking around for a cloth as he got to the bathroom and wet it with some warm water. Coming back, he used it to clean Y/N up; her back from Damiano’s cum, her face from the cum and her dried up juices and her pussy from the left over wetness, a pair of underwear and a t-shirt in his other hand.

“Come one, dolcezza, you did so good. You’ll go to sleep in just a second. Come one, help me get you dressed,” he voiced and started leaving kisses on her face.

“You took both of us wonderfully, thank you.” Another hum as a response.

Ethan realized how at this point she had fallen asleep, fucked out and exhausted, he did not expect her to stay awake.

“I only wish I could tell you this when you’re awake… I think I’m in love with you."

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11

#måneskin x reader #måneskin imagine #måneskin fanfic #måneskin #damiano david imagine #damiano david #ethan torchio imagine #ethan torchio

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serumandsteel · 3 years ago

Text

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

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