#but like rude to data mine me like that

[mana-sama-cult]

This quiz add feels targeted…

[medicinemane]

I'm very tired, I have to do everything around the house myself (as in, I keep having to turn the water off and on to the kitchen sink until I teach myself to install a new faucet, and negative cleaning gets done if I don't do it), and the money is in the hands of the third worst person in the whole family when it comes to money (the worst being my grandpa who is dead, and my grandma who blows all her money on overpriced jackets and other junk)

I'm very tired, I have to teach myself how to do everything, and I have almost literally no support in any way shape or form ever

I can't remember the last time anyone said they were proud of me... I don't actually know if anyone's ever used that word with me before. When I do something like get the trailer cleaned out or buy a house, frankly no one gives a fuck, except my grandma who gets mad

I haven't actually had a chance to see anyone that counts as a friend in like 15 years, and I mean even in high school everyone liked me but no one could be bothered to actually ever even talk outside school... so even back then it's not like I had anyone I was close with

I'm providing this version where I totally remove how I feel or how I view myself from the description and instead try to provide something close to an objective description of things

So if you wonder why I say what I say about myself, honestly I think it's pretty much all summed up here

[3liza]

tumblr live should not be this mysterious

the plug-n-play streaming package that Tumblr installed as "Tumblr Live" is a white label product from a company called Livebox (developed by the Meet Group, subsidary of Parshipmeet), who have a homepage riddled with spelling errors and purport to operate the dating apps Meet Me (formerly My Yearbook), Skout, Tagged, and Growlr, all of which appear to be identical except for Growlr, which is specifically for gay men. all of them are just dating apps with a livestreaming feature. i would venture a guess based on the architecture that Livebox is also powering Superlive, which is the only one of these I have any experience with. it's popular with camgirls outside of the USA, especially in countries where full nude camming is illegal.

i don't really understand what livestreaming has to do with dating apps and don't know anyone who uses these platforms for anything. i assume some of it is just sex work, some of it is just ad space, lots of data brokering, and judging by the performance issues the users complain about, possibly crypto mining(???).

looking through the app pages on the Play store shows the same reviews for every single one of them: app crashes constantly, bans are arbitrary, support is no help, the apps drain your phone battery suspiciously quickly, and there are about 20 bots for every real person profile. i dont know what the exact dates are because i cant see site analytics and dont know what the Live development schedule was, but it's interesting that the sudden increase in porn bot activity on tumblr seems to roughly overlap with the Tumblr Live development and implementation, at least from a tumblr user perspective.

i dont know where the strangers in the Tumblr Live bar are streaming from, in terms of what you would consider their "home network". im guessing, but it really looks to me like they are streaming on whatever familiar platform they've got an audience on, and then being split-streamed to Tumblr. i've been meaning to sit in one of the popular streams and check usernames of audiencemembers, because my guess is that most of the audience are not going to have accounts here either. many of the streamers ive checked do not have tumblr accounts. some of them have tumblr accounts, but most of those accounts appear perfunctory: only a few months old, completely impersonal reblogs from the trending tab (you know the type), instagram-type language and general aspirational influencer stuff, which absolutely does not exist on tumblr organically because this site does not have market share for sponsored products OR a userbase with disposable income, it's a waste of time for an instagram model type to post here.

i've tried to talk to these streamers once or twice about this stuff but didn't get anywhere, and it would be rude to press the issue. but that is probably the next step.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

128 of the angst prompts for the pAInter?

128) '"I need you, why do you always leave me?"

......

"Heyyyy."

"......."

"Suddenly you don't wanna talk? That's rude."

"Well so is turning my body into swiss cheese when you promised you wouldn't do that anymore." You huffed, sending a pointed glare at the sentient computer that sat behind a locked cage, before going back to checking the nearby drawers for data.

"Oh right.." Painter muttered awkwardly. "I was actually aiming for the Wall Dweller behind you, but the turrets like to pick and choose their targets sometimes...heheh."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Well..do ya feel better?"

"Hm..I guess it beats being eaten alive by one of those things. So...sure." You glanced back at him, giving him a tiny smile. "Thanks for trying."

"You're welcome."

Of course, you still had your..issues with the computer, considering that ever since he gained access to the Internal Defense System, your runs to the crystal have become more treacherous than ever before.

It was bad enough that you had to worry about wandering towards the wrong door, with him using HQ's voice to misguide you.

But now at any given moment, you could walking into a room with turrets sweeping the area, red lasers waiting to catch you in their line of sight before spraying you with bullets--while he taunted you over the speakers and whined whenever you managed to find the lever to shut them down.

You hated him at first, but after coming across his containment room, where his main body was hosted on an old computer, he swore that none of it was personal. He blamed Sebastian for hooking him up to the Navi-Path system and asking him to delay your mission for as long as possible, convinced that he could find another way out of this place.

Of course, you were still upset, and believed his actions were very much personal, especially when you've come so close to escaping with the crystal....only for music, of all things, to cause your gear to detonate.

Maybe he was a reluctant accomplice of his, but why should you care?

Why waste time talking to someone who stopped at nothing to kill you? He wasn't a mindless animal like Pandemonium or the Wall Dwellers, but had total awareness that you could come back after death.

And he knew how to take advantage of that.

You used to roll your eyes at the news channels declaring that AI would be the death of humanity.

Now? This AI sure as hell was going to be the death of you.

But sometime ago, you acquired his document and had Sebastian show it to you, and you learned some rather...tragic things about him.

He was built and programmed with love, by his human creator who taught him how to paint and appreciate the beauty of the natural world. All he wanted to do was create things, and now he was being used as a tool for destruction.

It was all because of Urbanshade.

They killed the only person he ever cared about, tore him apart and put him back together to see how he "worked", and when they couldn't figure it out, they forced him into crypto mining, only giving him the promise of letting him paint every once in a while.

He might be a machine, but the pain he felt was real--so real that he'd rather die than continue existing.

Of course, it doesn't justify him killing you over and over, and making your runs through the blacksite a living hell, but you could understand why he's so bitter towards humans now.

If you were him, you'd definitely have a lot of resentment and built-up anger.

After reading that document, you had a little more sympathy for Painter, and eventually you two managed to work out a deal: if you found his room, you'd stop by to draw a small landscape for him, and he was free to replicate it on his program. In exchange, he promised to keep all turrets in further rooms disabled and not lock you in a "gauntlet" with Eyefestation anymore.

He still works together with Z-96, but at this point you've learned how to avoid the flesh creature at all costs. So that was the least of your worries.

"Anyways, what have you drawn for me today, hm?" He spoke up, growing a little impatient.

You took a few moments to open the notepad you had, grateful that the security cameras in this room were under his control, so HQ won't detonate your gear for talking to him.

You've overheard the higher ups mention something about Painter becoming a pain in the ass for expendables and operatives, losing a lot of them to the IDS and Z-96 attacks, and he was to be marked for destruction before he could take 100% control of the blacksite.

Whether they were going to declare that as an order in the near future or not remains to be seen, but...you didn't want to do that.

Did Sebastian know?

Does he know-?

"Welllll?"

"Oh. Right. I have this here." You showed him the sketch of a mountain range, trying to get as close as the chain-linked wall would allow you to. "This is the Himalayas, where Earth's highest mountains are located."

"Oooooh, yes I recognize it."

"You do?"

"Of course. Over a hundred bodies are still up there, most unrecoverable due to the conditions." Painter sneered. "It should have been left untouched. Why do you humans always wanna ruin nature with you stupid hikes and big egos?"

"...well if you don't want this one-"

"Never said I didn't. Show it to me again. And hold it steady."

You blinked in surprise, before turning the notepad back over so he could see the landscape, and you saw the MS Paint program on his screen going right to work.

While you could only draw it from memory and with the pencils you found in a random drawer, he managed to bring it to life--using vivid colors and beautiful shading to really capture the scenery. Almost as though a professional artist went to those mountains and studied them for hours.

With Painter's AI, it didn't take hours, but mere minutes for him to create a masterpiece.

And it was beautiful.

As soon as he finished, you put the notepad down and grinned. "It's amazing, Painter. It's like..I could walk into it and be there."

"Thanks. I also wish I could walk into it and just...escape all of this." He saved the artwork to his files, before his usual scribbled face appeared once again, but this time it looked rather...sad. "I'll..make sure the turrets don't turn you into swiss cheese."

"I appreciate it, buddy." Smiling, you grabbed the keycard that you needed to exit the room, but right as you walked over to it...he spoke again.

"Do you have to leave right now?"

"...pardon?" Turning back around, you could see him staring at you, looking utterly despondent. "You..want me to stay?"

"You're..the first positive human interaction I've had in a long time. I feel bad for all the deaths and inconveniences I've caused you. Seriously, I do. But...if you reach the crystal, you won't ever see me again.." He muttered.

"Painter." You walked over to him, frowning. "That's the point. I'm only here to get that crystal. We agreed that you'd turn off the turrets so that-"

"I didn't do it to make your life easier." He snapped, growing hostile. "I did it because I don't wanna be the one who causes your death. I'll leave that to somebody else...eventually they'll get you. And you'll come back-"

"No."

He went dead silent for a moment. "..no?"

"This time, I'm getting that crystal. I can't stay here with you forever, Painter. I'm sorry about everything you've been through, but in the end..you're still a threat in Urbanshade's eyes. They could kill me just for talking to you. I need to leave now before-"

As if right on cue, the lights in the room began to flicker, and somewhere in the far distance...you could hear the familiar shrieking and howling of Pandemonium hunting for its next prey.

"You better go to that door over on the right." Painter advised, his voice uncharacteristically monotone.

You failed to pay attention to that and rushed to the door, quickly inserting the keycard-

Only to come face to face with Z-96, whose long claws reached out to slash you across the face. You fell backwards as the door slammed shut, the creature barely managing to drag its arm back inside, with a message in red appearing on the screen beside it.

I need you. Why do you always leave me?

'Bastard. He tricked me-'

Then you heard one final loud scream, and turned around..

Seeing nothing but a gaping maw with crooked rotting teeth and dozens of eyes closing in on you.

You should have known better. You should have just focused on the mission and ignored him from the start.

Now he'll never let you leave, and he'll find other ways to make sure of that.

[alexiethymia]

Still thinking about jjk 223, so I’m gonna ramble a bit. Another thing I like about Utahime and Gojo’s relationship in canon is their thing about Utahime being ‘weak’. It’s their thing. It was set up in our very first introduction to Utahime in the manga, and we find out that it’s been going on since way back into their past when they were just students. It reminds me of another ship of mine, Karma and Okuda in Assassination Classroom, where in the data book it says that Okuda is the one person that Karma feels zero threats from and as a result he can relax and be comfortable around her. 

I like how jjk 223 shows that Gojo in a way relies on Ijichi, someone who doesn’t fight on the frontlines, calling him someone he trusts above all, and Utahime, someone he’s repeatedly teased for being weak. I mean for all that he teases her about her supposed weakness, she never gets down about that, and instead reacts with anger at his disrespect (and I guess that’s another thing that I like about their relationship in that Utahime genuinely seems to see this op greatest sorcerer of all time as just some cheeky brat). Because there’s no doubt that Gojo is lonely as a sole pillar, but ‘weak’ people get to band and work together. 

Perhaps treading into headcanon territory, but perhaps because of this supposed weakness, Gojo gets to be comfortable around her. I mean in not so many (and rude) words, he says it himself. There was no doubt in his mind, Utahime could never be the traitor. Because she’s weak (ha). Even if she is weak, she’s not scared of him and will call him out on his bs (unlike say Ijichi whom he can bully around lol). As a fellow teacher, that bond of trust is quite important since they have the same goal in protecting and raising their students.  

tldr: I think the people that Gojo considers weak are people he can let his guard down around and it’s wonderful that he gets to rely on and work together with other people now in a way that he might not have allowed himself to before + As much as I enjoy gojohime in fics, I also do appreciate this subtle bond of trust they have in canon.

[bioethicists]

Why do you use '+' and '/' instead of words? Not to be rude, I am curious

LOL thank you for being polite about this. i've gotten some pretty rude/condescending comments or tags about it (one person just tagged a post of mine "you can just type out 'and' babes, it's fine" which like... fuck off?). one person tagged a post of mine 'for further study' specifically of my syntax which my friends + family had a FIELD DAY with

there's a few reasons- partly bcuz i communicate via textspeak quite regularly + my texting is actually so much more atrocious bcuz i do not make an attempt to correct most typos. i keep pretty intense hybrid academic/field note/personal journals + i already used '+' in those for brevity's sake so that i could write faster. additionally, i have a compulsion which sometimes makes me feel the need to write words 3x before moving on but symbols/numbers are not usually affected by this + i suppose that on the flip side, my liberal use of / is related to the compulsive need to be as thorough as possible (as well as put things in 3s) + a fear that i will miss information + 'spoil' my point. i do very genuinely worry that my points will be 'wrong'/'contaminated'/'bad' if i don't put certain things in 3s.

but also, when i was hospitalized in 2022 i got very attached to my concepts related to dialectics + multiplicity + i got a tattoo of the '+' sign to represent this. with language, my goal is usually to tear it up (forgive me but that beckett quote rules my life) rather than string it together. using things like '+', '/', '|', liberal use of '()', etc (i've also felt quite compelled to make use of the assignment operator, '< -', but i'm probably going to confine that to poetry for the time being) lets me feel like i'm seeding my language with a sense of multiplicity while remaining (more) concise (than i could have been)

also also, i do a lot of programming for my job (like statistics/data analysis programming in R) + i've gained a great appreciation for the brevity/precision/elegance offered by programming. similarly, i do a lot of translation (well not so much anymore due to The Tasks) which similarly has brought me to a much more antagonistic relationship with the limitations of language + a desire to capture the thing in between it which is perhaps a really silly thing to claim i could do by replacing my '+' signs but. someday.

needless to say, my formal academic writing is NOT like this but my hope is to someday gain the resources i need from academic in such a way that i can dedicate 100% of my time to writing which aligns with these values.

if this seems excessive, it is because i am insane. hope that helps.

[mikefaistslut]

anything for you

chapter 2:

(reminder: this is my first writing anything ever! pls keep that in mind. another reminder, this is entirely a work of fiction based on Mike Faist. Enjoy! <3)

He was so pretty it was hard to make eye contact as I spoke to him.

"Emma," I say with a smile as I reach my hand out to shake his. He has a kind smile, I think to myself as his hand touches mine. With that, he puts his own things away and gets comfortable for the long journey ahead. As the remainder of the passengers board the plane and a flight attendant shuts the door, I feel my whole body tense up. In just a few minutes, the plane is going to take off into the sky, and I'm going to feel like I'm dying. I try to think of things to distract myself. The color of the airplane seats, the number of passengers I can see straight ahead of me, and whether I'm going to choose diet Coke or ginger ale when the flight attendant comes by later to offer us refreshments. All of my tactics work until I feel the plane begin to shift forward. Slowly at first, circling the tarmac towards the runway. Then, all at once; reaching over 100 mph. As I feel the plane lift off the ground and tuck its wheels under, I feel myself start to breathe quicker, and my eyes clench shut.

As the plane begins to climb in the air, I feel a hand grab ahold of mine that's been clenching the armrest since I sat down. "Are you okay?" Mike speaks softly, understanding the stress I'm obviously under. I nod, not really being able to talk.

"Squeeze my hand. Hard as you need to." He opens his hand up and I let my fingers intertwine with his, squeezing as hard as I want to, just like he said. I feel a little more comfortable in his presence. I gain a little confidence.

"Ask me something. Ask me anything." My own mind is no longer enough to keep me distracted. "What's your favorite color?" He asks. "Maybe something a little less personal," I tease, still clutching his hand. "Right, my bad. What do you think happens when we die?" He pushes back. "Purple," is all I can think to say. He laughs.

At this point, the plane has fully ascended into the air and we're coasting at a steady pace.

"Thank you for that, really. I've never been good with that part of the flight. Or the coming back down, now that I think about it. So I'll be needing you again in about ten hours." He chuckles and rubs circles onto the back of my hand with his thumb. At this point, I realize I'm still holding on very tightly to his hand. I could've held onto that hand for the rest of my life. However, not wanting to appear creepy, I politely gave the man his hand back.

"So what brings you to London?" He asks. "Personal trip, actually. I've always wanted to go. I've been saving up for years. What about you?"

"I'm actually going for work. I'll be in play on the West End." That really caught my attention. "Really? What play?" He could've said he was going on a business trip as a data reconfiguration analyst and I still would've hung on to every word he said, but an actor in a play was so unbelievably cool.

"You ever seen Brokeback Mountain? Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger? Gay cowboys?"

"Duh? So someone turned it into a play? That's SO cool. So who are you playing?" I asked, now fully intrigued.

"Jack, actually! I'm really excited." He smiled proudly, as he should have. "Woah! Well, I've been dying to see a play on the West End. Maybe I'll get tickets to come and see you."

"You should! Seeing at least one friendly face in the crowd would be nice." He smiles at me again, the most beautiful, tight-lipped smile.

I feel my cheeks heat up. "So is acting a full-time gig, or do you have anything else to keep you busy?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize how insulting that must sound. He smirks back at me as my eyes get wide, realizing how rude I just was. I worry I've ruined this whole flirtatious interaction we've been having. Luckily, he just chuckles back at me and says, "Um, you know I haven't been asked that question in a long time. I suppose acting is it for me at the moment."

"Just stage plays, or anything I might've seen?" I quickly recover.

"Yeah, mostly stage plays. A couple of short films, nothing serious." He was being modest, I could tell. But I didn't push any further.

As the flight went on and I stared out the window, it began to feel very difficult to keep my eyes open. I closed my window, allowing myself to drift away.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

I felt a warm breath on my face as I woke up. I look to my left and see that Mike has laid his head on my shoulder as he's fallen asleep. I stare at him as long as I want to, as he's not awake to catch me admiring him. I glance out the window, looking out into the night sky a couple of times, before continuing to memorize every detail of his gorgeous face. I see his lips start to upturn into a smile.

"You like me." He says, matter of fact, with his eyes still closed. "You think I'm really cute and funny and you like me."

"Were you awake the entire time I was staring at you?" He opens his eyes. "The entire 45 minutes? Kind of. I was in and out. You definitely like me." He finally looks up at me.

"Were you always this bold or did you develop that in the theatre?" I say, gaining some confidence of my own.

"In the theatre, definitely. I never would've had the confidence to look a girl like you in the eyes before, let alone speak to you without stuttering." He said, taking his head off my shoulder.

The boys I'd dated in my hometown never made me feel pretty, but Mike, the theater boy from the plane, made me feel absolutely breathtaking. I couldn't help but smile. It scared me, the feelings I had for this man that were developing so quickly.

"Well, you like me too. Otherwise, you would've found my staring incredibly weird and off-putting, so." He laughs yet again. I love making him laugh.

"You're not wrong. I want to know more about you. I know your name is Emma and your favorite color is purple. Are you from Ohio? Or was that a connecting flight, maybe?" My heart was starting to race a little bit. "I am from Ohio, actually. I grew up about 30 minutes from Columbus, in Gahanna. You know it?"

I watched his eyes get wide and his smile get even wider. "I grew up in Gahanna. I actually was just here for a few weeks visiting my family." I cocked my head to the side.

"No shit? Small world, huh? How come we've never met?"

"How old are you again? What year did you graduate high school?" He began to look a little cautious.

"24! I graduated in 2017. What about you?" He seemed to relax a little bit.

"I graduated in 2009, but it was a year early, so I was originally class of 2010. I turned 31 in January. Is it weird that I still like you?"

"Not even a little bit. It'd be weird if I was five years or so younger." I smiled at him and laid my head on his shoulder this time.

"Good. Because I really really like you. Would you want to get dinner sometime while you're in London?" I watched him think for a few seconds. "Actually, how long are you staying, now that I think about it?" "I'll be here for about 2 weeks. What about you?"

"It really depends on how well the show is doing, but probably through the whole summer." He lifted his arm so I could lay my head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around me. A bold move, but I felt comfortable with him for some reason. A flight attendant came over the intercom and announced that we'd be landing soon. As we landed, I gave him my phone number so he could message me when he wanted.

"I'd love to get dinner, just let me know when," I told him as we both gathered our belongings. After about twenty minutes or so, we were finally able to deplane. I looked at him, suddenly feeling attached, hoping this wasn't the last time I was ever going to see him.

We walked together through the long process that was getting out of the airport. As we walked out into the cool air of the London night, we turned to each other and he promised to see me soon. I hoped he was telling the truth. He kissed me on the cheek and lingered, only for a moment, then smiled at me and got into a taxi, waving goodbye.

My cheek felt so warm. I already missed him.

He messaged me about an hour later, as I got settled into my hotel room.

"So, how's tomorrow night?" I think I'm in love.

[researcher-of-huanglong]

"I am Baizhi, a researcher at the Huaxu Academy. I specialize in Ecoacoustic studies, and I'm always open to answering questions related to my field. "

Loading Data>>>

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✦BAIZHI✦ Despite appearing aloof, she is approachable to those who seek knowledge. Her insatiable thirst for understanding drives her to tirelessly study Remnant Energy. She will stop at nothing until its mysteries are unraveled, even if it means dedicating her entire life to the pursuit.

note: this is an unofficial wuthering waves rp blog and has no affliation with Kuro Games whatsoever

Name: Baizhi Birthday: September 10th Rarity: SR (4-Star) Attribute: Glacio Weapon: Rectifier

Pronouns: she/her, they/them Birthplace/Nation: Huanglong Affiliation: Jinzhou, Huaxu Academy

Guidelines

Asks should be SFW as mod can get uncomfortable with NSFW asks! but suggestive is alright

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Anons are most welcome and appreciated!

Tags

#happenings within jinzhou - General Posts

#general of the midnight rangers 🐉- Mentions/Interactions with Jiyan

#outrider of jinzhou 💨 - Mentions/Interactions with Yangyang

#one who pulls the strings ⚡- Mentions/Interactions with Yinlin

#colleague of huaxu 🔥- Mentions/Interactions with Mortefi

#one who fell from the skies 💫 - Mentions/Interactions with Rover

#esteemed magistrate ❄️ - Mentions/Interactions with Jinshi

Notes from the Moderator

format is mine and not plagarized! this uses the same exact format as @lightning-of-execution

if you would like to use my format please do credit me and ask me in direct messages, thank you!

things may be a bit ooc as mod hasn't started playing the game yet :)

-Mod Veneris

Thank you for reading!

[issacballsac]

Oficie[Doppo Kannonzaka]

01 Train Station

06:00

I peeled back my eyes to reveal the time I dreaded ever since I took on the job of a payable clerk.

"Get up [f/n] you got work today!" You mentally prepared yourself. Like always.

Finally disconnecting from your one true love, your bed; to shower and put on some appropriate clothes for work.

Without a moments gaze you swiftly skipped over breakfast. Walking out the door with nothing but yourself and, of course, your office bag, which held all the essentials like: your phone, headphones, apartment key etc.

"If I get to the office early I can get some peace and quiet to assort the expenses all while being able to stop for coffee." You quietly mumbled to yourself, planning out your morning.

07:15

"I do have time to stop for coffee!" Your legs contradicted your time as you began pushing the small store door open. Breathing in the scent of fresh coffee beans before stepping to the counter to order.

"May I have one espresso please". You politely asked the nearest barista.

The brunette nodded and walked away from the counter to make the order.

"That will be 200¥." The barista pleaded.

You handed the young worker the money before walking out the door constantly checking your watch.

“I’m gonna be late I’m gonna be late….”

07:35

Finally boarding the train with your coffee securely in hand you heaved out a sigh. "Just in time."

Not many people were on the train so you decided to sit down next to a red headed man. He was dressed in a black suit and striped shirt. He looked way more tired than you could ever be.

"Um excuse me sir". You poked him a bit in an attempt to grab his attention while not being rude.

He peeled his eyes open to look at you before noticing you gesturing towards the warm beverage you strained yourself over getting.

The redhead smiled a bit before accepting the drink with a small bow of his head.

"Thank you very much." He said sipping on it without a second thought of your intentions or lack there of.

As much as it pained you to give away all the energy you bought for the long day at the office it made you happy that you got to see someone else happy.

"My name is [l/n] [f/n] what's yours?" You said trying to make small talk on the train ride.

He peered from the coffee to respond with his name "Kannonzaka Doppo."

"I like your name though I think I heard it somewhere y'know like those famous rap battles but that's just a guess."

"Mn where did you get this?" He questioned skillfully avoiding the topic.

"Ah that small cafe a couple blocks away from the station it's called Eunoi Cafè."

Just then the train stopped signaling for you to get off and head to work. "This is my stop Doppo" You nudged him.

"Oh me too." He stood up.

"How convenient let's go!" You pulled him along with yourself out of the train.

The two of you walked together with a constant exchange of questioning looks at each other. Since he's been going the same way as your office.

"Weird question but you don’t happen to work at an office do you? Specifically [insert company name] inc?"

"Yeah I was heading there why?" He looked at you before processing that fully.

"Wow we work at the same place and take the same train you can be my morning friend Doppo-mine!" You perked up lively.

"Ah please don't call me that but I guess" He said recalling memories of that nickname.

"Damn, sorry. Anyways let's go we're early so quiet office before everyone floods in." You scrunched your nose in disgust. Thinking of the packed office, yuck.

He followed you willingly into the building.

"I'm on the bottom finance floor what about you?"

"Ah I'm towards the top with data sheets, marketing and such." He said with an even more gloomy than usual tone.

"It's alright I'll come see you after work and we can go to the cafe. I know how stressful this job can get." You exchanged information with him.

"That sounds nice thank you [l/n]. He smiled.

"It's nothing, and you can call me by my first name y’know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah don’t worry about it, but for now let’s just enjoy our floors while they’re still quiet.”

“See you?” He awkwardly waved to you as the elevator doors closed. Forcefully ending your bonding time.

[angrybatgaming]

Left a message boat in Sky yesterday for my friends to let them know if I suddenly stop playing for a few days, it's because my internet is extremely slow to congestion; and I don't want to burn through my phone's hotspot data. Get on today and someone left a message boat DIRECTLY NEXT TO IT with the message "True or false, fake or real?" (translated from Japanese or Chinese; I don't quite know the difference yet).

I mean, it doesn't necessarily mean they saw my boat message. And maybe I'm just feeling a little sensitive from the stress of last week, but I feel like ONCE AGAIN someone is making a rude remark about people not having perfect internet connection. Like it's UNHEARD OF where they live. Well guess, buster? It's real. Shitty internet exists. Especially where I live.

I'm just ranting. But those kind of people piss me off. I've been chewed out and told to go kill myself by a 13 year because of bad internet. And other people would be like "LOL gEt BeTtEr InTeRnEt". Or just straight up mock me.

I guess so this doesn't end on too sour of a note, there was a more wholesome message on the other side of mine that announced someone's birthday. So happy birthday to them! 🎂🎉 Also I got a set of skin tone markers, so I can FINALLY do human OC reference sheets! :D

[oratoful]

did someone say hatoful oc

This is Ulrich Althaus! A 22 year old Hawk Party member who primarily does internal operations regarding programming and technology in general. Me and my friend actually have an entire AU dedicated to expanding on the tensions between the Hawk and Dove party and the internal corruption of the Dove party. I'd adore infodumping about it once we have it more wrapped up and cohesive.

Spoiler stuff regarding general hatoful world-lore and things of the like. I wanna be safe soOOOOOOOOOO

Ulrich became a hawk operative when he was around 13 years of age. Having an interest in tech from a young age, he was placed in advanced courses within his school. Very cool and good, I know. His father was a liaison within Europe and was killed by the Human Liberation Force due to a miscommunication between parties. As a result, Ulrich learns to despise humans. He's visited by a hawk researcher (Raphael, who I will make a post about) who offers him a position within their junior programming division. He claims there are benefits and that Ulrich could do with not hauling himself in his and his mother's home due to his father's death. His mother, begrudgingly, accepts the offer, realizing that not only will the facility offer him higher education for his intelligence, but it will actively watch over him.

Unbeknownst to her, of course, Ulrich becomes ensnared in Hawk activities. He's an overly prideful man who feels the need to avenge his father's name/live up to his family's expectations. Of course, he doesn't realize that in this universe, his father would absolutely loathe what he's done. He would hate the man his son has become. He’s completely tarnishing the efforts faust made toward human and bird peace in an attempt to bring a vengeance his father would’ve never wanted.

Hatoful Ulrich seeks to make it known that he doesn't cut corners and that he wants to get back at humans for their assumed atrocities (he has a biased viewpoint bc those are fun). I imagine he's absolutely made spyware with the sole purpose of information gauging and getting data for the hawk party. He covers his tracks pretty well while also leaving annoying damage for the doves to fix.

As a little fun side thing, I like to imagine the Programming and Technical department he works for is a subsidiary for SecOps. They bleed into each other very often. As a result, this rude little man butts heads with Tohri SO OFTEN before Tohri ends up pursuing other work. (in mine and nick's au he stays in the lab for longer)

Would love to get more into him sometime he's so in depth UGHHH.

for some fun facts with him:

He uses a mobility aid! He's my cane rep

He hates being helped. It makes him feel like he's being looked down on. One of my other researchers often hovers over him due to how often he tries to push his physical limitations. Ulrich has flogged him. Twice.

autistic. He's so crude/judgmental in speech. He also doesn't care to drop formality and say when he doesn't like someone.

He often works from home and doesn't enjoy coming into the lab for work.

Ulrich is genuinely painfully vindictive and efficient though. I feel like if he had the motivation to back something like the hawk party, he'd leave destruction in his wake. I also think that motherfucker would tamper with machinery to make it fail on researchers he doesn't like

He trips people with his tail if they make him angry enough. He's a little PRICK

speaking of little he actually stands smaller than most other peafowl

Him and Tohri have a WEIRD relationship. They're the best of friends one day and they're trying to kill each other the next day. It's impossible to tell what they actually feel about each other.

[rosewind2007]

The party was so loud. It was being held at The Big House, which actually has capitals everywhere—even when people speak they somehow pronounce the capital letters. It (The House) belonged to the whole community, and was used for all the large social gatherings. I had been told by everyone that I didn’t need to attend this one; but if all my clients were going to be there, I couldn’t not go.

I walked from room to room. The loudness was different in the different rooms; one room had a group of people with small drums made of animal skins; another had people singing acapella (apparently this is the style of singing and not a food type); another room had poetry. Everywhere there were people making music and sounds; using interfaces and visual display surfaces playing media. There were party-goers recording other people at the party, and showing those recordings on displays. Everywhere there were people talking and laughing and singing and drumming and dancing and touching and communicating in every way you can imagine; and then more. For a construct designed to constantly data mine all these streams of input were compelling. I didn’t want or need to gather any of this, but it was almost irresistible. I wanted to run away, out of The Big House and far away into the cold, clear, silent night. But if I did that now I knew my clients, my friends, would come after me.

There was one room I hadn’t tried yet. On my plans it was marked as out of use. Someone else had been messing with the building schematics, hacking them. I could tell, even though whoever it was had taken care to cover their tracks, sweeping over their metaphorical footprints. All this made me curious. I found the door, in a corridor full of the same hubbub as the rest of The House. The door had a lock, but it was so simple I hardly even noticed hacking it. There was a low clunk and I turned the handle and slipped into the room, closing the door behind me.

It was warm, but not the sweaty moist warmth of the other rooms; this felt comfortable. There was a fire crackling in the hearth, with a good pile of wood and tree seed pods set around it, whose (the seed pods’) resin gave a pleasant aroma to the air. I wondered briefly if the volatiles in the smoke were a mild narcotic.

I took all this in instantly, and the sofa. And the complete silence; except for the sound of the fire, and someone softly breathing. And the emptiness of the local feed, and the complete absence of any bleed through from the rest of the house. Nothing except a gentle wave of curiosity from the figure sat on the sofa. Sat pretending I hadn’t just crashed in here. A figure which hadn't even twitched or turned its head when I entered; sitting there still and calm. I’d say ‘sitting still as a SecUnit’, but SecUnits don’t generally sit—I’m the only one that does. Sits, that is.

But it, or rather he, wasn’t quite still; humans and augmented humans often react physically in ways they find very hard or impossible to control; and this one’s heart rate had jumped slightly. The way his always does when he sees me walk into a room; for fuck’s sake, I only held him against the wall by his neck the once. It’s not as if I made a habit of it.

“Hello, SecUnit.” Gurathin didn’t even try to pretend he was pleased to see me.

“It’s loud.”

“Yes, that’s why I prefer to sit in here.”

“Alone.” I don’t even know why I felt the need to say that. He was sitting in a locked room, he knew.

“You are very welcome to join me. Please sit down; I have a blanket too, which you might like.” He was gesturing at a pile next to the sofa. He also, very tentatively pushed a file at me in the otherwise empty local feed area. It was funny though, the local feed area was empty, but not cold and lonely. It felt warm too, somehow. It would have been stupidly rude not to sit down after that. The file was about the blanket, it was of a type I’d seen before but had not had an opportunity to investigate. It was a traditional item, and its primary benefit wasn’t warmth (though they were soft and warm) but weight. They helped people sleep, something I didn’t do (obviously) and also relax (which people tell me I need to do). I sat down, as far from Gurathin as was polite and possible, and pulled the blanket over me.

The blanket felt heavy and warm (and somehow safe) over my lap and legs. The fire was crackling and the pattern of the flames danced across the walls. I looked down at the rug my, now our, feet rested on and noticed Gurathin’s augmented foot looked sort of vulnerable. His other (human) foot was all wrapped up warm in a slipper sock. I don’t like people looking at my feet, and I don’t know if Gurathin feels the same way about his foot, so I just indicated in the feed that I’d be fine with him tucking it under the blanket. I did this before I realized how weird this sounds—he didn’t seem to think it was weird.

So then we were there. Both on the sofa, neither of us saying anything or doing anything. The shared feed was silent. The blanket lay across me, and Gurathin’s foot.

It sounds really awkward, but perhaps the weirdest thing was that it wasn’t. I’m not sure how long we sat like that, but after some time it struck me that I had a new piece of media (which I’d heard was really good) and I’d like to watch it. I could just watch it alone, Gurathin wouldn’t even know. But I was in what was clearly “his” room, and—it seemed rude not to at least mention it. He was surprised, but pleased. Only then we hit a snag. Gurathin had set this room up to prevent him being thwarted in his desire to be alone. And now he wanted, we wanted, to share the media and watch it together.

I think he realised first what the obvious solution was, but he somehow felt even more, well, diffident about suggesting it. His physical augments were visible at his foot, on his face, in his eye and also very clearly his right hand. His hand, which was just laying there on the sofa. Before I changed my mind, or he said something stupid, I just grabbed it with my own and initiated a link. It was like having a shared local feed, but rather more…intimate.

I ignored all his immediate physical responses, I know humans are just like that. He calmed down fairly quickly, and then we could watch the media. Together. Like when ART and I first watched media together I realized I was getting context I don’t usually get. It was novel, and strange but not unpleasant. I think Gurathin was feeling something similar.

Which was why, when Ratthi barged in we both apparently looked so guilty.

Because @gauzyfruitcake did this amazing picture and I wanted to explain how the HELL they could end up like this…

[sphylor]

Ramble about a special interest, now, go I wanna hear

🫰🫰🫰

okay okay okay so!! my favourote book series of all time ever literally ever is called the chronicles of st marys by Jodi Taylor. i literally love it so much UGH andni havent read any of the books in a while so my memory is a little rusty but it is definitely a special interest of mine fhshhfj. basically its about this group of historians who "investigate major historical events in contemporary time" (time travel). its actually incredibly respectful in the way it handles it too.(spoilers under the cut)

it mostly focuses on british history for the most part (its a british bookseries) but they do visit troy, the battle of agincourt in france, constantinople (during the sack might i add which. yeah. that was a stressful moment for sure....) etc etc. its so fucking funny like it has me in tears laughing whenever i read it but its literally do devastating at the same time (my favourite book in the series, "and the rest is history", made me cry 8 times in one read through because of how tragic it is...). but its really well written and researched and youd think with like 14 books in the series, multiple short stories and a spin off sister series it would get a bit stale but honestly it doesnt. the characters are so full of life and, well, character.

speaking of the characters. theres Maxwell who is the main character and who we see everything unfold through the eyes of. shes so funny and witty and doesnt know when to stop which can be her downfall sometimes. she acts a lot through anger and does things very impulsively especially in the beginning. it can lead to some very funny moments (like the time she drove her boyfriend's car into the lake when he gave her the cold shoulder and was rude to her (neither of their faults tbh its complicated fhdhhf)) i see a lot of myself in Max. theres a lot of hurt masked by anger inside of her. shes the reason why i chose the name Max fjdhhf

she faces a lot of struggles as well... but its okay because her best friend Tim is there to save the day (and piss on her a couple of times accidentally). He is my favourite character 100% hes funny in a smooth and charming way. literally such a puppy dog i just want to ruffle his hair and give him treats. also have i mentioned that all of these characters that work at st marys are 1000000000000% audhd like these goobers are so neurodivergent i love em all. but yeah Tim is a proper gentleman super sweet and caring and always there for you but also he ends up going through so much shit and it breaks him it fucking destroys him and its so sad to see...

Markham is my next favourite little guy hes such a little guy a little skrunkly wunkly woo a grimey little goober. his characterisation is pretty weak in the first couple of books but he soon becomes really important and fleshed out. hes the court jester the class clown the village idiot. super funny but he also has a tragic past and when he gets serious he gets serious. while Max and Tim were historians, the ones going out of jumps to different time periods to collect data, Markham is security. he makes sure the st marys building is safe and secure and also goes out on jumps with the disaster magnets also known as historians to make sure they dont get into trouble (its actually more like to get them out of trouble at the very last minute when they inevitably do get themselves into trouble tbh djbfhdj) hes indestructible. hes been shot, blown up, fell off of a 3 story tall burning building, frequently has some sort of illness like mange or worms, and the only bit of permenant damage hes recieved is that a chunk of his ear is missing.

then theres Leon... i have a love hate relationship with him. hes Max's love interest. original Leon from the first 3 books is fine i guess...... he does a lot of shitty things but so does Max honestly.... and their relationship gets ruined over one event where really Max was in the wrong but what she did was understandable... still incredibly morally wrong but yeah.... and neither of them stopped loving each other even when they were apart. and then. and then book 3 throws a massive curveball and kills him off. they never made up with each other. and then Max is rescued from being kidnapped by a younger version of Leon from before they met each other and its rough because this Leon is in a very bad spot and not doing well At All. hes almost a completely different person from who Max knew. and she has to convince him that life is worth living. she knows how the rest of his life will go already. she knows he'll meet her and be happy for a while. and she knows that this is the last time she'll ever see him again. and that she cant even say sorry to him now. and that he will never know what this meeting truly meant to her. its fucking heartbreaking and i ugly sobbed every time i read it. and then she dies gets plonked into a different universe (long story) and in this universe shes the one who died and Leon lived. now this Leon i absolutely love to bits hes so sweet and kind and caring. they both know how lucky they are to be given another chance and theyre not going to screw it up and they really do make it work between them.

theres do much more i could ramble about. like Dr Bairstow and Clive Ronan... or Dr Dowson and Professor Rapson and how those two are totally in love... or how Guthrie or the time Max got stuck in the past... but 14 books is a lot to cover fhshhf I'll leave you with the fact that i actually have a signed copy of one of the books which i am super super happy about !!

thank you for giving me the space to ramble <3<3<3

[shinwhoohoo]

I'm sorry. Because English is not my native language, maybe my words look rude in English? But I really didn't mean to criticize you. I just think your reasoning is a little over-reliable on A3. I've read a lot of your articles and found it's a very meaningful discussion.I've seen a lot of negative comments of Jinyoung and Baro in the past, but they're very short, just tag attacks. Leave one selfish and the betrayal will be over. I have seen many comments attacking Jinyoung and Baro in the past, but they are all very short, just say "selfish", "betrayal", "they framed A3" and it's over.

But you explained your reasoning in detail. Because of A3's reaction, you think Jinyoung and Baro must have done something wrong to them, especially Jinyoung. In fact, reading your article made me gain a lot, and I think it is good to be able to look at the matter from a different perspective. So it's really interesting to see, I've seen the data for about 2020, and I started my reading from the data of 2023. I'm going to watch it all! Because the content is abundant!! It's rare to see such a serious discussion.

I think there are often things in life where both parties feel that they are the wronged party, and both parties feel that they are the right party. In fact, JY also shed tears on his FM in 2019, and he also mentioned that there are many misunderstandings and criticisms of him. So I think Jinyoung also feels hurt. People on both sides feel hurt, and we cannot judge which side is at fault just based on who cries harder and who reacts more violently.

When it comes to work, A3 seems to be viewed their efforts entirely from the perspective of fan service, but in fact, B1A4's success and failure are objectively related to their earnings. In fact, there are many efforts that are no different from those of us who work for ourselves. But when it comes to JY's hard work, it seems that what he does is ALL about personal gain. That's why I would say in your eyes, A3 seems really is very kind, and JY is a completely selfish person.

I think all five of them have a side that cares about fans, but they also have a selfish side. If you really want to try to guess what happened, you have to put aside your love for them and deliberate like someone who doesn't know them at all, in order to get a more objective answer. This is my opinion.

If my words offend you again, I'd like to apologize first.But because my English is not good enough, I'm afraid I'll make the same mistake. I hope I don't do that this time.

#B1A4 # Jinyoung #CNU #Sandeul #Baro #Gongchan #OT5 #OT3 #WM #BB #RBW #5 of them are ordinary people

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Like I said before, I no longer have any desire to comment on this particular subject as it’s been something I have already addressed over and over and over again these last 5 years. I have moved on, all the boys have moved on, and I think the best thing is for the rest of the fandom to move on.

We will all have our own thoughts about it, based on what we saw happen and what the boys have said on it. And I can respect that you have your opinions, just as I have mine.

Take care, and I hope you can get to a point where you feel at peace with the situation and can support all five of them as they continue in their careers.

[akehoshimystar]

Mao SSR

A New Friendship

Part 1

Ito: (Reports really reveal the personality of the person who wrote them...)

As I was sorting the submitted data into folders by month…. There was a knocking sound.

Mao: Good work. I bought some cookies, so feel free to have some.

Ito: Really? Thank you.

Then, I will... Ah, but I think I'll read the report first. All that's left is those from Simulation Dept.

Mao: Sure. I'll go brew some coffee. You want some, Ito?

Ito: Um, well...

I hesitated, thinking it would be rude to ask him to go that far, but Mao-san continued as if it was nothing.

Mao: Since I’m going to get mine done anyway, don’t worry about it.

Ito: Then, I'll take you up on that offer.

Mao: That's too much of an exaggeration.

Mao-san smiled at me before I saw him off and get back to looking at the report.

Ito: (Ah, it’s a request for Mao-san. The client is... I think I've seen this name before...?)

(Ah, I knew it. She's Mao-san’s regular.)

The request this time was, "I have an appointment with an important friend, and I would like him to accompany me to check out a cafe I'm interested in. Please coordinate the day."

Ito: (I heard about this cafe from Mika-san before, "It seems to be popular recently, so let's go and inspect our competitor", he said.)

(Oh, there's also a boutique nearby. Considering its location, it does pique my interest.)

Mao: .….Sorry to keep you waiting. It's still hot, so be careful.

Ito: Thank you. Oh, I was just reading your report.

Mao: Was the information enough?

Ito: As far as I see, I spotted no flaw at all.

The information provided but Mao-san’s report is really precise, I think I learned a few things from you.

Mao: Buttering me up won’t get you anywhere…… Or so I thought.

Mao-san suddenly remembered something and searched his pocket, before placing something that resembles ticket on the table.

Ito: This logo... is it from the boutique that was in the report?

Mao: They're holding a pre-sale soon, and I got an invitation. If you're interested, do you want to come with me?

Ito: Really? If you’re fine with me, I’d love to.

Actually, I have been interested in it when I saw this shop in the report.

Mao: That would be perfect. But... since this is not about work, let’s go on our day off.

Ito: That’s totally fine.

Mao: ...Then let's make plans right away

Ito: (Mao-san seems to be curious about something...)

(But I guess it’s nothing I should be concerned about.)

Part 2

The following week, Mao-san and I went to the boutique with the invitation in hands.

Mao: I think Ito would look great in this dress. Wearing it casually could work as well. Highly recommend.

This one... With this material, you probably can wear it for one season. If you’re fine with that, I'd suggest putting it on the list. You can wear it alone without adding anything and it will still complement you.

Ito: (In the blink of an eye, the number of the try-on list is growing...!)

Now that we’re here I'd like to try on some clothes with a different style than usual…. Not only did Mao-san respond to my whimsical remark, but he also continued to pick out items for me, and giving me advice while imagining how I would wear them.

Ito: (It's no wonder he has such a high rate of repeat customers with this perfect escort.)

Mao: I think we’ve browsed through the whole store now. How about trying them on in order?

Ito: Sure. First off...

(Hmm, was this one here earlier?)

Mao: What's wrong?

Ah, that sheer shirt. Not too shabby, I like the design too.

Ito: I think it really suits you, Mao-san.

Mao: And I think it would look good on you, Ito. It would go well with the skirt you saw in a magazine before.

Ito: ...You really watched me closely.

(Mao-san got a good memory, observation skills, and fashion sense.)

(They say nobody is perfect and we all have our own shortcomings…. But didn’t God grant him too many talents?)

Mao: I just remembered it because I thought it would make a great topic of conversation.

Ito: (Ah, he was also given communication skills...)

Mao: So, should I put this shirt on the list?

Ito: Oh, no. I've had plenty enough. Instead, I'd like to put this in Mao-san’s basket.

Mao: Really? Then I'll try it on. Let’s see what bottoms go well with this...

Mao-san looked around the store happily.

Ito: (I’m glad.)

I felt a little relieved seeing that I wasn’t the only one enjoying this.

Part 3

Mao: We really bought a lot.

Ito: Yeah. But it’s the weight of happiness.

Since then, we'd been to a few shops, and the number of our stuff got so big that we had to hold them in both hands.

Ito: By the way, there’s a cosmetics shop near the cafe. Shall we stop by there on the way home?

Mao: Let’s save that for another time. It would be bad to drag you along with that number of shopping bags.

Ito: I'll be fine. Shinkai-san and others have trained me. I've gained some strength as a result.

Mao: I know, Soyogu even praised you for having good muscles. Although I cut the conversation with him short because I thought it would be quite troublesome.

Ito: What do you mean...?

Mao: I had a bad feeling that he’s going to ask, “Mao-san, how about joining us?”

Well, I know he means well.

Ito: ……..

Mao: What's wrong?

Ito: Ah, sorry for being quiet all of a sudden.

I think I understand why people want to request Mao-san again.

Mao: Does that have something to do with what I said earlier?

Mao-san shrugged his shoulders and reached for the teacup.

Ito: I just feel like you’re really observant of people, and I've learned a lot from that.

Mao-san looked a little surprised by what I said.

Mao: ……..

Ito: Mao-san?

Mao: Oh, yeah.

I was having a good time today just like any other day, so I was a bit surprised to hear that.

Nevertheless, I'm glad Ito had fun too.

Ito: Yes, I really have a great time today.

Mao: I guess it was worth it to ask you to make some time for me on your day off.

Mao-san's cool expression was painted with a smile that seemed somewhat amused.

Ito: (Make some time on my day off, huh.....)

Mao: since this is not about work, let’s go on our day off.

Ito: (I see. So he was worried about the fact that it was a day off.)

I actually love the idea of spending my day off with you like this.

Mao: In that case, Ito-san, I shall look forward to your request of me once again.

Mao-san raised his teacup as if toasting. I also picked up mine and shook it gently in response.

Ito: Yes. I’ll be in your care.

[engravedlifehours]

Me: I asked the universe, "how will I get this off my head?"

Myself: (write)

Me: riiight..

So here I am, typing an entry here. I opted to dump it here because it's faster than to write on a notebook; I prefer it faster because then, i can keep upp with how my thoughts run through.

Anyway, just let me whine about my experience with PVG just this week with regards to my practical exam that I bombed. Grrrr. I am so disappointed of myself for blowing it off. The task was very doable BUT I'm frustrated for not knowing better. It certainly was a reality slap of a gap between my knowledge bank on how to process datasets by employing statistical models, versus my skills using Excel for a large dataset. It frustrates me because of these things:

(1) I jumped into doing some ddadta manipulation where I solved a few data Without even overseeing the overall nature of the dataset first. It frustrates me for not doing it!!! I only I could have done that, I would have been able to generate a bettor content for that exam. Gohd self.

(2) I may have grinded to learn functions and formulas that are deemed essential for an intermediate level of data cleaning and manipulation, and a few of power query BUT only to find out none of those were part of the exam somehow. Good that I got to familiarize myself with those, especially power query, BUT it frustrates me how it didn't come across to my mind to utilize power query to make myy calculations faster. That instead, what I did was to manually isolate data from a large dddataset that are to be converted into visualizations. It Angers Meeee!!! For NOT Knowing Better! I mean how could I be so stupid??? I feel like I'm a fraud to them. In the sense that I didn't know to how do things what I said on my cv that I am capable of. I hate this feeling that I Certainly misrepresented myself. I won't hate them for rejecting me, if ever. It's myy stupid ass' fault. AND I HATE IT. I HATE IT THAT I SOMEHOW KNOW BUT DIDDDN'T EXACTLY KNOW. I HATE HOW CLOSE I AM BUT THREW MYSELF OFF THE BUS BECAUSE OF A FEW STUPIDITY.

(3) I hated my attitude when I did the exam. I ended it quite rude, as I could remember. I even said "never mind" to the fckn hiring manager!!!! what a fckng asshole I was?!?! I certainly let myy emotions and fear of being stupid and mediocre run over me; to rule over me.!!!

All these rants because I want to weigh down a little of what I'm feeling since Wednesday. All these fukng frustrations I feel to wards myself, of how despite the change being served on my plate, I still get to blow it off because I'm a faulty fck. But, I also od recognize, too, that I am simply human. I make mistakes. An that's just simply life. But I also won't disregard anddd bury these emotions that I feel that still lingers within me. But that, too, I no longer want to carry it for like the rest of next week, and after it. I want to close this chapter and experience this week, and want to really move on to some else starting next week. To inculcate to me that, goodbyes can be beautiful too. And like sunsets, not only they're beautiful, they also get to remind me that tomorrow is another day to try again. And this time, to do better. I know I'm still frustrated, I know how disappointed of myself. I know how I feel so terrible and ashed of me, and how feeding the impostor syndrome in me. So, I'm typing here just to wallow and dump them, hoping that a few days after, I feel a little lighter, and then get to proceed with a brand new week with enthusiasm to see what's in store for me: what will I get to achieve this week? what will I get to tick off my check list and learn and build this week? what accomplishments will I get to receive from me naman for this week?

Hoping for a brighter and lighter brand new week for me, and a great kickoff for the next 4 week plan of mine to grind for.

Cheers to relentless progress.

Cheers to the journey of living life in permanent beta; cheers to showing up and moving forward despite the uncomfortable setbacks along the way.

Good night, self. it's 02:09 of July 07, 2024