#but like postive venting i guess lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wolfguy13-blog · 6 years ago

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“But I know, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray, I pray, for a better way. We were kind before, we can be kind once more”

Wow! It’s been a hella long time since I lasted posted here. As much as I try to make happy posts here, I don’t. I usually post here when I have no where to vent to about the drama and sadness in my life. So let’s change that and add one postive note at the end of my rants lol. So here we go!

I got my Canadian citizenship in January (which is great) and I was in Canada for a while to manage everything! I was meeting my friends and even visited my uncle (dads cousin) for a day or 2, because I didn’t want to stay there too long as I know his dad wasn’t happy about me being there due to his paranoid delusions. This point is important and one of the biggest headaches I have nowadays. Anyway, I came home end January’s and have been job hunting (which requires way more patience than I have) for the whole of February and April and now I heard back from Pepsi about some internship which starts in the summer! I have no idea how unemployed people spend their time because Im going crazy! The only thing constant in my life is me focusing on my fitness and going to the gym! Then that’s it. I go early in the day, come back by 1. Eat lunch, then I’m a waste for the whole day! I mean this would be great if I was on vacation, but now it feels like I’m wasting my life!

I really miss my friends in Canada. I have family here which are pretty much all who I hang out with but they’re not my friends. They’re not people who enjoy my company for me, but rather since I’m related to them they like me! I miss Ari, Alice, Rui, my kawaii juniors at western university, my other friends and the list goes on! A part of me wants to go back and work there but staying away from my little brother for such a long time isn’t something I can handle right now! He needs someone to give him lectures and make sure he’s on the right path and I guess I have to do that. Lol. But maybe once he’s older and ready for college I’ll be able to move, but probably not because I’ll be married then ugh. Also future me who I reading this, if you are suffering from your job jay remember you were losing your mind when you weren’t doing anything! Keep a goal and stick to it!

Speaking of marriage, I’m now the talk of the family because of some fake scandal! My grandmothers brother (yes the crazy paranoid one) visited her and accused me of inviting his daughter in law to a hotel while I was in Canada. This was a huge accusation and my grandma got super upset and they’re not speaking anymore. I got called that night and they were like stay away from that psycho woman. This is where I question my people reading skills because apparently my uncles wife has been telling stuff to her father in law ( they’re both here and my uncle is in Canada). She told him about some cousins of mine messaging her in private etc etc and the old man (since he already has doubts on me) thought I was into her and he told someone and someone told someone else and now the whole family has heard that I had an affair with that girl. Like HOLD UP FAMS WTF. My 24 year old virgin ass hasn’t even dated anyone yet and now I’m inviting married women to hotels ewwwww.

It’s been stressful and I’ve thought about it several times. I’ve been mad, I’ve laughed at it, and I’ve even had pity on the old man as he’s so lost in his mind he’s playing in that woman’s sneaky hands. Also apparently the woman was influenced by her mom who keeps telling her to leave my uncle and her child and now she W believes it. She’s telling people she’s gonna leave my uncle and her son and everyone’s just like wtf you cray cray. This accusation has stressed out my grandmother so I’m doing my best to separate my feelings and helping them reconcile because they’ve lost so many siblings (you could count them on both hands) and there are only 3 left. My granny is mad but will be okay if he comes and apologises and takes the accusation back. This is all good and well but why am I in the middle of this shit storm with that crazy girl!

I was really mad today and I spoke to my grandmothers sister who told me that the old man didn’t spread this so i don’t need to involve other relatives. But alas, everyone thinks I had an affair and I’m trying to trust they won’t believe it (which so far I heard some people denied it, so that’s good). Also I have so much free time that this thought pops up while I’m trying to sleep, so I’m mad at myself too!

I’m a little sad because my dad told me that be thinks we won’t be able to go on holiday this year either. I mean, I’m employed in the summer (fingers crossed) I doubt I was gonna go, but my little brother deserves a break! Also I heard my cousin in the states is super fit now and I saw a picture and he’s lost so much weight! That’s sparked my competitive soul and now I’m much more focused at the gym so that’s a plus maybe? There! I added a few positive points into my post haha.

Also this month and next month are always hard for me because it’s my brothers death anniversary in April, and my mother’s in May so maybe that’s why im on edge. I can’t say I’m happy right now but I hope that changes soon. Sometimes I think of what my dads friend once said about his son, that he was never happy after coming back from abroad and I was so sure I wasn’t gonna be like that. But now I’m thinking twice. Where did my drive to come back go? Why do I get so emotional when I leave my country? But when I’m here, I can’t be bothered. I’m definitely lost right now. But here to hoping I get back on track and find some fulfilment in my life! (Earning money in a 9-5 job till you die? sounds worse than death!). I should totally focus on my side business huh.

Thanks for reading, “let’s make this beautiful”

Cheers,

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