#but like people didnt really like it coming back in any format

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Straight up love how X-Men 97 got a shit ton of new Rogue X Gambit fans and old fans coming back and shit...but Marvel comics for some reason decided the people just need...a fucking comic that brings back Rogue X Magneto.

[kraviolis]

with the rising fascism in the world, im not gonna trust any new medias with stories that make the villain an agent of chaos & terror while the hero/es fight to preserve the status quo.

[ganondoodle]

so guess what they released more interviews and i think given what a writing shitshow totk was and what they have been saying in all these interviews is actually painting a really bad picture; i dont have the time, nor the energy to go over every detail

but they were commenting on people wanting the more linear format back and aonuma himself basically said that he thinks people who feel like that do so only bc of nostalgia and "Why do you want to go back to a type of game where you're more limited or more restricted in the types of things or ways you can play?"

what .. the fuck, more freedom DOESNT automatically mean better??? like ... restriction can be a GOOD thing just as tooo much freedom can be BAD?? like in totk??? are you fukcing shitting me- what the hell are games even for then, has he had an awakening to the fact that he actually just loves sandbox games without realizing it???? im not playing fucking zelda for a sandbox, especially not when its advertised as a somethign else

its pretty clear that they want to keep this format going with everything they say there, ... maybe it really is over huh

also i hate how they kept talking around answering anything about story/lore; they go asked how ganondorf even connects to ganon since theres nothign about it in game, and all they got out was welllll we dont wanna say anything bc its up to the player; about every question you got the answer of "make somethign up yourself" which is just ... its really clear they dont actually care but dont want to say everything is meaningless actually, so they try to be vague about it and with doing that really just confirm they didnt think about it and they dont care- so no lore actually matters, nothing thats been said or established has any meaning bc they will get rid of it the second it crosses paths with their new -more freedom equals better- philosophy, they say its bc they want you to be "free" to think up anything but apparently dont realize that when there are no rules, no consistent lore or anything that it ROBS it, it stops having meaning, its fun to connect dots only when there are rules you need to work with and dots to connect in the first place, when you have an established world with its restrictions it drives you to think more creatively about things- but when there are no rules?? its fucking boring!! thats what it is!!

when you discard all rules i wont care to get invested into anything bc i know it will not be considered again, be done away with without any reason and wont have influence on coming or previous games ... bc there are no rules, anything is possible and everything can be changed any second, so nothing matters

(they also talked about the many viral videos of those very few dedicated people that make godzilla mechs in totk and how happy they are about that- i get that to some extent, but the way they kept talkign about it really just felt like it confirmed my suspicion that that whole mechanic was mainly implemented to let people do that since that gets shared around en masse making it seem like that is why people enjoy it while neither the game nor the narrative are build around it in any way ..)

it just makes all the time i spend thinking, feeling and theorizing about zelda like a true waste of time, bc nothing matters and there are no rules-

i am someone who greatly enjoys working with and around established lore/rules, its fun to me to recontextulize things by being smart or creative with it all without breaking anything or as little as possible of the established things!

if i wanted to do just do anything i want I COULD HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT bc theres nothing actually stopping anyone to just make up what they want! i DONT need canon to lose all rules for that??!!

maybe ill have to make myself believe the franchise ended with botw on a good note ... ono

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

S1 EP17 

this is my thoughts on danny phantom!! starting from "Maternal Instinct" or s1 ep17.

-----

he can actually dodge!! wow!!! maybe use those training course skills in battle, buddy. 

-----

oh my god why does my new halloween decoration thing look just like those ghost props. oh shit i have to turn that off. brb

-----

“nobody makes a meat puppet out of jack fenton!!!” …maybe the people who are into himbos?

-----

jack, looking at a ghost: “hey pal, you need some sun.”

the ghost was in fact, green. 

-----

TWO HEADED DANNY?? god knows the world simultaneously does and does NOT need more of him. 

CYCLOPS DANNY?? thats not enough danny!!!

-----

Maddie: we’re going to florida!!! isnt that fun???

danny, annoyed

me, who has visited florida numerous times: i feel ya, buddy. i feel ya. 

-----

bro just puts on a pouty face after having been parachuted into the middle of nowhere bc of a ghost plane. yeah, A POUT. 

-----

VLAD??? helloooo theree ;)

-----

“what a well planned coincidence…”

“erm- akshually!! thats an oxymoron ya dumbass.”

-----

WHAT???? ELECTRICITY? poor baby!! you need TLC (tender love and care) <3

-----

“this subdues your powers for the next three hours. until midnight! im telling you this because ive seen your grades and you are trash at math. really danny, go study you dumb fuck”

-----

SHE HAS A LIGHTSABER???? maddie you know onlythe bad guys have a doubnle ended one. but its not red sooo (i havent watched star wars in many years. I have also only watched a total of two films. i say two because i saw the entirety of one and half of two others. haha)

-----

AWWWSSDBJkhjjhbdjcnjbkshsjnk danny hugging his mom!! AWJEJDJNWWJBk. that was such a cute moment!! 

Maddie, after fighting off the ghosts attacking danny: “youre in big trouble, young man!!”

danny, hugging her: “you. are! awesome!!!”

maddie: everyone stay calm, my son is hugging me. 

-----

maddie: we should stay with vlad, ist too dangerous out here!

danny: Mooooommmmm hes my arch enemyyyy!!!

-----

“at midnight i get my powers back, at 12:01 the belt zaps me, and at 12:02 vlad tries to make out with my mom. those are gonna be the worst two minutes of my life”

-----

IS SHE ABOUT TO CHEAT?? ok thank god not.

-----

bro is fake condoning vlad being with his mom. god. i hate this. but seriously, i dont think that family is functional. 

-----

vlad is struggling to get the belt off but… danny didnt even lock it. he’s just that bad at high tech belts. HA

-----

maddie, coming into the room: Wheres vlad?

danny, nervously: he ran out for a bite 

yeah, to get a bite taken out of him

-----

“We’re not gonna mention any of this to your dad, right?”

guys i hate her. i hate her. why would she do this to danny. she almost cheats on his dad in front of him, with a man that is known to hate jack, and then she buys danny food and tries to get him to keep it a secret. she’s a terrible mom. i hate her. does she have any idea how hard that is for danny? theyre already a dysfunctional family, but then she goes and puts extra pressure on him? do you have any idea what that does to a kid. a kid with whacko parents and crazy ass powers and who gets bullied at school and ON TOP OF THAT!!! HE HAS TO DEAL WITH HIS MOM BEING UNFAITHFUL. i dont care that she never ACTUALLY cheated, im saying shes a fucking dick and i hate her. 

AND THEN DANNYS FEELS GUILTY FOR NOT LOVING HER ENOUGH. NEWS FLASH, YOURE NOT A GOOD MOM IF YOUR KIDS FEEL GUILTY AROUND YOU. 

and jack isnt a saint but at least he didnt put that FUCKING PRESSURE ON JAZZ. maddie you are a piece of shit i hate you. 

-----

OK!! end of the episode!! give me your suggestions for like, how i should format this or- yeah idk. im going to go start on the next episode!!! :D

edit: *ahem* i have since been informed that she was playing him... i will store half of this hatred in my back pocket for later. I'm watching you, wazowski Maddie....

[w0w0zella]

um hello!!! im gonna be making a. bugbo murderstuck au Masterpost of sorts! I guess! ill format it like a q&a but im making up some of these questions myself. So lets get into it :3

this is a really long post! b careful :3

"what is murderstuck?" murderstuck is a Bugbo AU that made/am making (complicated wip status lol)! its a story that takes place a month and a bit after the events of familiar foe. Very long story short, gerbo ends up getting killed (on accident), joe then kills bugbo (On purpose) and joe seeks out thomas flyswatter for help. i have a post here that goes more into the story if you'd like to see it! vvv https://www.tumblr.com/w0w0zella/728157783124574208/ill-post-these-together-awawy-from-the-rest-of-the?source=share 

currently it is a well defined plot line that i and a couple other people have made art for,, and a work in progress fanfiction!

"why is it called "murderstuck"?"

murderstuck is actually (Believe it or not lol) a Homestuck thing! murderstuck is a specific part in act 5 act 2 of homestuck where one character kills someone and then someone else kills THEM, so i was like  Fuck yeah that makes total sense for this au. In all honesty, i just called it that cuz i needed a name to jump back to in discord for easy finding and it. Stuck i guess GIGGLES lol.

i am currently.  Semi looking for new name suggestions! so if anyone has any ideas !!!   Tell me !! Please !! I have No idea!! ((by the way, because murderstuck is already technically a thing, you need to tag murderstuck posts with #bugbo murderstuck or #bugbo murderstuck au or else it will be drowned out by all the homestuck art :3

(question by geluga on discord) "where did joe get his cleaver ? is it the same way he just happened to have an axe in episode 2 or is it from something else?"

yeah no i didnt really think out him having a meat cleaver lol. lets say thaat. umm. He got it becuase he was preparing bugbo a Yummy Meal (Steak is his Favourite or some  shit idk) !!!

i do NOT rmember why i gave him a meat cleaver aswell. If you want a Good answer, the reason i gave him a meat cleaver and not his Trusty Axe is because his axe would have been far too dull and bulky to slit bugbos throat. if you want the TRUE answer Its because i forgot he had an axe at all and thought the meat cleaver would look cool

(question by onyx on discord) "did gj feel bad after The thing or did he feel like totally justified"

AMAZING QUESTION !!!! Gradient Joe feels EXTREME remorse. of course when he looks back on it he knows why he did it, but if we're being completely honest; bugbo was immobilized. he did not need to kill bugbo. if he had killed him while bugbo was choking him, that would be a different story. but he killed him while he was backed up into a tree, immobilized and begging for his life.

he feels extremely bad ! Very extremely bad!

(question from ANON in my ASK BOX) "DUDE I LOVE YOUR AU SM RAUGHHHHH also question uhh where is hoppo in the au? we havent really heard about her"

So. During the events of this au. she is. away. like she usually is. Dont really know where! Shopping at grocery market. back at war. lost at sea. you decide. (More info on hoppo in the next question

(question by kets on discord) "uuhhmmmm what is the absolute WORST ending this au could have realistically?????????? like if it didn't end whene thomas was ocmforting joe idk :3333333"

OKAY i coudl see this one of a couple ways. First way is, bugbo wins. bugbo succeeds in choking joe to death, And now he is alone (til hoppo gets back) i said this one first cuz its probably not the worst possible thing, but i think it would be pretty terrible!

second worst would be if Joe waited for hoppo to come back instead of going to thomas for help. In my humble opinion, i think that hoppo is very stubborn and VERY loyal. so. (to me at least) it stands to reason that if hoppo came back, she would side with bugbo VERY hard. she would probably fucking hate joes guts, and that would be the worst  thing for him after everything he already went through. Maybe they would Fight too idk…

Very first worst would be if joe just straight up killed himself after killing bugbo. I could see this as a thing he contemplated, but if he actually went through with it?  Oh my god Fucking imagine. all of there corpses there for hoppo to find when she comes back. Thomas rotting away in his lair without anyone to talk to (and without knowledge of bugbos death) for years? Devastating.

other notable endings include Joe OR bugbo Killing themselves directly after gerbos death, hoppo ending up killing joe out of anger when she comes back, Or (In a silly alternate universe that We made on Disc Ord…) bugbo comes BACK to life and DRAGS himself to go kill joe HIMSELF!!!!!!

(question by DEMO on DISCORD) "is gradient joe book smart or money smart" i am going to kill myself and its your fault i think. never speak to me again (Joke)

NOTABLE INFORMATION:

as stated before, you need to tag murderstuck posts with #bugbo murderstuck or #bugbo murderstuck au or else it will be drowned out by Homestuck stuff !! i want to see all of your art and things!! Thank you!!

you are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WELCOMED AND ENCOURAGED to make stuff surrounding this au! Please Please Show It To Me!!!

if you are drawing During Fight or. During Murdering bugbo or joe, here are some things to note! - bugbo attempts to choke joe to death during a part in the fight, and he almost succeds! This causes Permanent scarring on gradient joes neck, and scratch marks all over bugbos arms from joe clawing at them!!!

- joe ends the fight with his shirt partially open and his tie missing!

- joe breaks bugbos right leg! there is a noticable gash on his inner right knee!

- joe kills bugbo by slitting his throat with a meat cleaver!- after joe is done, he drags bugbos body over to where gerbo died! (he was crushed by the fallen Stone Structure!)

thank you all so much for the love and support with this au It means so much to me. thank you from the botom of my hart.  IF YOU HAVE ANY COOL IDEAS, MORE QUESTIONS, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA SHOW/TELL ME, MY MESSAGES AND ASK BOX ARE ALWAYS OPEN!!!!!!

[anluz]

ok i have many thoughts about this season SO i will write them here, home it makes sense.

no formating, we die lie [CENSORED]

Some blanket statements about the season at all.

GOOD.

-The comedy is on point. The show jokes hit much better and harder this season. -Some scenes really are well framed. (aka the spitfire episode. holy shit)

BAD

The maltos are much more ‘battle thirsty’

The autobots are useless now

the flattening of the decepticons

Episode 1

Ok, so we are starting in the media res of the new conflict. slightly disappointed but don’t mind it that much.

What I DO MIND is the shift the maltos had about the whole Autobot-decepticon situation on Earth.

Like, correct me if I'm wrong, but the MALTOS were fighting in order to have their new family members not taken away, yes? to live on earth in peace? 

Why do THEY have to retrieve the emberstone shards? Why do THEM have to sacrifice both their safety and their time developing as well adjusted people (in the case of Mo and robbie) FIGHTING WITH WAR VETERANS?? 

WHILE THE AUTOBOTS

ARE

RIGHT

THERE

“oh but anna its a children show, of course it needed to have some action with the kids”

ok.

but how come there's not ONE autobot with them on the mission? its more in the autobots best intinterest  to keep the decepticons away from that fucking stone.

also good fucking job just ASSUMING the new terrans are evil from the get go. just from ONE fight where (where the terran in question was created. and theres a whole thing about the emberstone creating live in accord of the needs of the moment).

Aftermath is funny. i can give him that,

EPISODE TWO.

Not much to say.

its was good.

I am a sucker for the joke `dangerous individual tries to kill cinnamon roll, and cinnamon roll doesn't notice it/luck makes all the harm deflect on them” so i had a good time on that.

The `mosey` subplot was weak. it needed more build up and that annoyed me.

hOW NOBODY FOUND THOSE RUINS BEFORE THERE'S A BIG ASS HOLE LOOKING RIGHT AT THE MIDDLE OF THOSE RUINS COME ON. Don't even talk about drones (probably ghost emps against any of that for a long time) but how not ONE living person stumbled upon that???)

its was ok. 7/10

EPISODE 3

It was ok. Hashtag plot about `choosing` was ok. nothing special.

Hashtag and shockwave fight was pretty fucking awesome, as ravage escape.

I also love that shockwave optic gets redder as he gets angrier.

EPISODE 4

i didnt liked the idea of `human villains` before but…in a world where cybertronian tech exists since the 80`s, it surprised me there aint more people using that and committing to some gimmick for the shits and giggles.

said that…

swindle???

your whole thing is BEING A WEAPON SALESMAN. A CON ARTIST.

HOW DID YOU LET YOUR COOL SLIP YOU SO BAD????

WHY ARE YOU NOT BACK THERE TRYING TO GET THAT FUCKING STONE WITH FORCE??? WHAT???

also…didnt the ‘humans and terrans feel eachother emotions’ thing went away after the second batch of terrans came about?

Also yayy weird al

who care about the fusing gimmick. sure.

6/10

Episode 5

I like that wheeljack points out that this fucking and the enigma of combination are two different things.

Jawbreaker was…kinda annoying in this ep? i guess…it could roll in the sense that JB is excited to meet a possible new friend/family member and he wants to make a good first impression but….

Still very annoying.

we could have explored more about why aftermath is so angry all the time or why jb is always so careful and peaceful all the time APART from when he is in his alt mode!

there could be a thing there, but the JB partakes in some destruction seems more like a child not knowing any better than possibly something he bottles up in the daily.

also??i get the others are excited for the fusion thing  but JAWBREAKER IS GONE FOR A WHOLE DAY? MAYBE CHECK ON YOUR BROTHER?

EPISODE 6

the  shot composition in this fucking episode are CRAZY HOLY SHIT

Twitch going more on her ‘leader’ role. nice.

why…how the shard is just…lying there?

I like spitfire, and i think it makes sense for her to be a literal `evil twitch` as if, what if twitch didnt had a moral compass

now the thing that FUCKING ANNOYED ME

WHY,

WHY ARE YOU GUYS EVEN ENTERTAINING THE IDEA OF GIVING THIS NEW BOT. A BOT YOU DONT KNOW. A BOT SAID TO BE BORN THAT VERY DAY. A FUCKING IMPORTANT MISSION?????

Op Elita and Megs should have shut that shit down rigth there! there should have been a `sorry spitfire. i dont doubt your prowess, but twitch knows more of our MO but now. with some training i bet you will be taking a mission like this one in no time”

SHE STILL CAN BE FURIOUS

SHE STILL CAN CHALLENGE TWITCH TO A OBSTACLE COURSE

WHY DID YOU GUYS HAD TO DRESS UP AS A STUPID CYBERTRONIAN PRIDE THING???? MAKES NO SENSE

it was funny? yes. i loved the race per se. but?? the WHY? they are doing it?? stupid.

(((what if alex won the fucking race then Megatron?? Would you guys go through with it?? huh??? fuck off. ALSO WHY SIR. WHY ARE YOU WITH YOUR DECEPTICON BADGE? SHOULDNT YOU BE W AN AUTOBOT ONE? OF FUCKING NONE AT ALL?????))

EPISODE 7

Sure. ok. mind swap episode. sure

ngl it was rlly cute seeing aftermath consider Spitfire his true sister

i appreciate hardtop only arm getting fucking jacked (i bet he cant *afford* a new one because OF COURSE swindle your charge him lol)

ravage lil energon bowl (also…is energon solid? do they it in in chunks AND liquid? hmn)

i like the `bravado fight` with the seekers…i think it legit would have worked a bit if she did that towards skywarp of nova storm first lol

it was an ok episode. 

EPISODE 8

It was fun. zero substance.

since WHEN robbie likes optimus prime that much??? they always acted ok to neutral with him in s1

but sure. ok. serviceable.

EPISODE 9 AND 10

oh? do those kids GO to school? you could have fooled me.

i liked the slight ptsd/anxiety of hashtag in the cave.

more `chaos terrans` sibling moment. cute

(the first time watching i though it was unicron. happy it wasent)

to be fair with the quintessons i ALSO would be very mad if my god created me with the purpose of ‘helping’ (whatever this may entail) a race i never saw in my life, and discovered they did that with many many others.

hey shockwave? maybe if you had a problem w the plan maybe you should have SAID something? or made your counterplans? why wait the HOUR before the plan was going to be put in action to say anything?

also…how…is the titan bring a new cybertron to earth? Is he going to metalform the planet? is it a ship? is it just a `big gun` so you could threaten the USA and control earth somehow??

also, glad to see they ‘tried’ coming back to cybertron but couldnt figure how (yet)

this marks the point where….the dialogue gets really cheesy…unbearable cheesy and cliche ..ugh (when starscream has alex as a hostage)

im should have been happier that mo, hashtag and trash are the team for the last fight…they are my favorite maltos..ugh

i feel like there should be a more angry/emotional shouting match w hashtag and starscream…srlys

ah yes. the part where starscream kills the kids…honestly? in character. He always was `the end justify the means’ (unless his 2 brain cells are rubbing together and he thinks in a more long term form) and killing two brats that their main traits was destroying stuff and being a prideful lil shit? yeah. nothing to star to form attachments there.

he would NEVER take the ‘you are more cruel than megatron ever was’

not THIS starscream.

unless they try handwave it with `he was larping as villain so he could get through the plan he thought would legit help the decepticons’ but im not holding my breath on that.

oh wow, starscream going crazy with power again, who would though.

im really getting tired of this. 

more chest fucking dialogue

ARE ALL THE DECEPTICONS LOCKED UP AGAIN, THIS TIME WITHOUT ENERGON????? FUCK. I CANNOT BELIEVE WE ARE BACK TO FUCKING SQUARE ONE.

YES JUST HELP TERATRONUS. THE PERSON YOU JUST MET AND TALKED FOR LESS THAN A HOUR. 

fuck i'm upset.

i wish s1 didnt happened so i just could have this be another actiony-humor tf cartoon and not give me hope for something more.

[fipindustries]

first course completed!

that was arc 1 of introduction to magic.

and this is the first drawing i made of the main characters all the way back in 2019

what is this

now that the first arc is done i would like to take a chance to actually stop and properly self promote a little here. it was about time.

i am currently writing a novel called Introduction to magic, an examination of a magic system i came up with by way of following the lessons of magical apprentice Katerina Dolcevita under the aprenticeship of Maria Bellanova. the best way i have to summarize the feel and tone of it all is Fantasy AU-R63! Rick and Morty. imagine if rick and morty were both women and they were exploring magic rather than sci fi.

the first arc is intended to be a prologue of sorts, to get you up to speed with the nature of this world and the nature of the two main characters.

where this came from

i came up with the story and the concept around this world proper in 2021, while reading pale. i was looking at all the extra material that wildbow had written for its magical world and i found myself really wishing that we didnt have to just see excerpts from the magical books like famulus or 100 years lost. and it came to me that if i really want a book about magic to exist then i can just write one myself.

the magic system in this story follows a bunch of my own deeply held beliefs about life and magic. mainly that is kind of silly how we insists magic doesnt exist when we have things like computers and planes and psychodelics. it occured that if we were to live in a world where magic was real we wouldnt call it magic either, we would just think of it as the normal state of affairs. there is a post i read here, which i cant find right now, which said something about how weird conciousness is, how strange the fact that conciousness arises from the specific configuration of a brain. about how conciousness is the last, mysterious, seemingly ineffable property of reality. they concluded that we live in a fantasy world where our magic system has only one spell "summon daemon". obviously a lot of it was merely poetic and rethorical devices to see with fresh eyes of wonder something we take for granted.

and a lot of this book stems from a similar wish to want to see the mundane with eyes of wonder once again, which is why i insist that low level magic in this world is things as basic as writing and lighting a fire. is also the reason why a lot of the titles that i use for the magic specializations are normal every day professions.

the second, stronger impulse was to try to come up with a system of magic that could be broad enough to grasp all possible forms of magic humans have come up with and yet simple enough that could be understood in a few pages. the classification system i use on this book is based on all the broadest, most basic forms of magic practisce that i have seen in history and fiction. manipulating signs as drawings and writing, manipulating sound as voice and song, using tools and props, moving the body, combining and refining substances and materials, handling living creatures.

what's next

as we move forward on this story the format will switch to a more traditional narrative where we will properly follow the adventures of these two ladies. ocassionally i will dip back into textbook-like sections where i infodump about another interesting concept i thought of, but even in the narrative sections most of the chapters will be an excuse to explore some concept or idea. i gather by sheer quantity 80% of the content of this story is going to be maria explaining things to Katerina.

so yeah, if that sounds at all interesting please do read this, and please do leave a comment, i really want to see what people think of this work. i dont need money or donations or to be engaged in any algorithm, all i need to stay motivated and energized and thus continuing the story is to know that people are invested in it.

thank you so much for reading.

[alicenpai]

🌟

anime north 2023 con report

finally posting this - thank you to everyone for a wonderful anime north!! \o/ this con prep season was the longest ive ever prepped for a con, and i think it was the busiest con for me ever. it makes me so happy to see people taking my art home!! 😭

so thank you for coming by anime north and chatting and supporting me! and thank you esp to the people who came by gifting their own merch?!??? - either fanart or ocs?! and im honored to see your beautiful ocs?!?? what the hell you guys are the GOAT thank you all 🥹🥹

it was so busy that i wish i had time to walk around & talk to other artists! i really wanted to get dango and onigiri at the delta too.. didnt really get time to eat so im sorry if you saw me shove 10 timbits in my mouth at the end of the con. yes i really did that .

throughout the con i kept saying "he just like me.. HE JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!!!!" every 5 seconds like an NPC. im sorry if you had to hear that more than once.

---

i wasn't able to post my con catalogue for AN on tumblr and instagram... i was so busy.. dying... maybe if i do other cons this summer ill post something similar. i had a lot of new stuff this year so formatting it was rough haha. here it is! more thoughts under the cut (bc this report really is more for me, but maybe someone can find something useful)

---

this is more for me honestly, so it will be really long. but i'm sharing it in case it may be helpful for others. i find that i'm always looking back at my old con reports, so typing out all of my thoughts are really useful to me. overall a great con, fellow artists and customers alike really inspire me to do better in my art.

comparisons to last year: (since i didn't end up making a con report last year!!!!!)

location: the artist alley layout was huge, and im really happy there are a lot more newcomers to the con scene. i know how much my first con experience meant to me, so i want others to join in on the fun! i don't know how the artist alley staff managed to fit so many artists in the building now! we got placed in a corner where there was a lot of breathing room, and a lot of traffic. i got lost a few times (didn't actually have time to walk around, but you know, it was to get in and out of the con centre and to the washroom/water station) because the amount of tables was overwhelming however, and the layout was super confusing. however i didn't feel as if there were any significant bottlenecks in traffic when i was taking some walk breaks.

commissions: last year it was still busy, but i still had some time to draw a handful of commissions. this year was a non stop barrage of customers! i think i may retire on the spot commissions at cons, just because ive always found it too stressful to draw right at the con, even if the traffic is slow. (and im lazy)

fandoms: last year i felt that it was... never so difficult to sell niche and old fandoms...? most people bought primarily 3 things from me at AN 2022, and not much else was touched. it was a struggle, and i even wondered if my art plateaued, if it wasn't good, if i should stop doing conventions altogether, at least for a little while. this year was so surprising with how much love there was for old and niche fandoms. two people from quebec came by and noticed the old fandoms and mentioned that if i was able to come to otakuthon, i should, people in mtl love nostalgia.. i'm gonna be honest otakuthon was pretty bad expenses-wise for me, but i heard it picked up since cons came back in 2022. it is a really beautiful city so mayhaps.. i will come for miss montreal.................

---

and a separate section on the new merch i made:

the new sticker sheets i printed (one piece, baccano, breaking bad/better call saul) did so well! nts to add luffys scar bc apparently i forgot... ive seen this dumbass's face for hundreds of eps and yet i still forgot .

these are a far cry to the sticker sheets i designed in previous years. many sticker places restrict you on how many stickers you can place on a sheet due to spacing requirements... the more stickers you have + the closer they are, the higher the margin of error, which i understand is why many professional sticker printers have these restrictions in place.

the artists i worked with for my AN stickers are so genuinely nice and accommodating with my requests. I just went wild haha. the sheets with the most stickers are brba/bcs at 27 stickers and one piece at 32 stickers.

2021 (top) vs 2023 (bottom), the chara stickers on the new sheet are larger & 2x as many item stickers! the new design makes greater use of the space. my octopath 1 stickers are meant for planners but you could use it for anything!

in 2017 i could only realistically fit 6 ish stickers on a sheet (for vinyl, not cricut home printing) due to printing restrictions. these costed about $3.30 CAD per sheet from s/ticker/mule (not worth it for the price point AT ALL... but i wanted to try sheets for the first time)... and yes it's a tiny 4x7 as well. it was a hard sell for $7 in 2017. but im glad artists have been pricing them a bit higher + sheets have become much more customizable.

now on to charms:

i am so obsessed with this borderless charm look on the new charms... they look like candy... thank you guys for loving my new charms!! i tried out a new technique with designing charms. and im so happy with how they turned out. the charm manu was super accommodating and they are so much better than vograce who fucked up my order so bad in 2022 🤡👍

the soul eater charms from last year were kind of a precursor to this. last year i tried something a bit different than my usual with the transparent bgs, which require full bleed in the file setup, and that was already pretty new for me. i find that charm sales are usually pretty mid for me, so during the pandemic i took a soft break from making them, and i wanted to do research based on others' designs and really tried to improve my design sense. to me i want to design charms that aren't just a flat piece of artwork that gets printed, but something that utilizes the capabilities of the acrylic material it gets printed on 🤔

---

fandoms/merch types i want to try next time i table:

more soul eater? it's one of my favourite animes and im very happy for the soul eater love this year. my partner kept selling out of her soul eater prints even though it was her first time tabling!

fma! ive been rereading AND rewatching it lately. it's one of my top 5 anime of all time so me drawing anything for it is a struggle, the bar is set so high. i never end up having the time or ideas to draw anything for it (and the aesthetics are very different from my usual taste)

shadows house has been one of my favorites recently!

dungeon meshi, the print i made was back in 2018 and i think it's time to retire it! it sold out at AN, thank you! with the way the story has developed in the last 5 years, i really want to draw something new for it if i can.

blue period needs more love!

golden kamuy.....

and many more.....

i also want to try mini prints maybe...

---

administrative stuff:

next time before the con, i definitely need an organized chart i print out before the con so im not.. literally writing down each transaction... 🧍‍♀️

clamps...?

possibly new display? grids even with plastic panels are heavy... and they can be a pain to put up. this AN we had our neighbors and good friends @nappotuna & @stripeyworm helping us put the grids up, they did an absolute speedy banger job! but it might have taken way longer without 4 hands on the grid work.

if we had used tape to hold our prints up as well who knows how long it would have taken. we used magnets, apparently a lot of people were using them at TCAF. they were so easy to put up and adjustable. *jesse pinkman voice* MAGNETS, BITCH!!!!!!!

---

merch i may shelve/do less of:

i really appreciate when artists talk about these kind of things behind the scenes... when products do well, when others dont, products w surprising responses, the factors that we think affect sales... the hard truth is that not everything sells, just bc the art is good =/= good sales, etc etc.

lately ive found it so fun to design sticker sheets over individual die cut stickers!! i understand now why some people only specialize in stickers!! it's also such a pain to stock individual characters and have greatly varying levels, bc of customer interest, and bc of how printing stickers works, you often get extras of random characters due to overflow 😭.. like at some point I had 7 jeannes and like only 1 of the other vnc charas bc the printer had so many extras and she's arguably less popular HDHFJSJHDJS anyways, i think i'll probably do less die cut individual stickers for my next con...

anything old that i only have 1 or a few copies left (meaning i won't reprint) i may not have for display anymore bc of space concerns... before my next con ill just post them on social media to have people claim them!

i may want to do less 3" charms in the future...? theyre a hard sell online prob bc i cant really do deals (i could but id have to be checking the stock every few hours which is not ideal), but they do a lot better in person due to deals.

it's been fun to try specialty products (I've tried scrunchies, stamps, pouches, microfiber cloths, coasters, enamel pins), but i... find they dont sell well for me... maybe my art doesnt have that wide mainstream nostalgic merch type appeal idk... maybe im just not good at designing or advertising them wahahaha. (specialty charms are still charms and i wouldn't necessary consider them a part of this)

my jojo buttons were really popular at anime north 2019 and fan expo 2019, but when the part 5 anime concluded, i noticed that interest for the interest completely moved on 😭 (or it's possible that everyone who was interested bought the buttons already?). part 6 anime didn't rejuvenate the same level of interest. it was a struggle to sell even more than a handful of these at each AN 2022 and 2023. right now they're taking up a lot of space in my con luggage that i'd prefer for newer, better art. i still love the art i did, but unfortunately, i think ill give them a go if i get into otakuthon (and maybe fanexpo too), then it'll be time to retire the jojo buttons. sometimes fandoms come and go so fast, and it's difficult to keep old merch around when they don't have any more interest and when they're occupying a lot of space.

my banana fish lollipop charms do not sell well, and i only sold 5 of them in a 3 year period, across cons and my shop. i created a bargain bin at AN, and it really helped me get rid of old things! unfortunately even in the bargain bin i could not sell a single one of the banana fish charms. maybe it's the art that's not appealing, the characters aren't recognizable, the price point for a lollipop charm was too high, i wasn't hitting the right audience, the market was slow around the time, even when it was included in my promo post... etc. these lollipops were my first time making specialty charms. unfortunately i think that's the last time making lollipop charms, and about time to recycle these charms, so that i have space for fresher and better art!

other thoughts moving on:

maybe go back to simplifying my art a lot more... if i keep making drawings like my great ace attorney tarot + zine, witch hat atelier print, and pandora hearts print, then id not only take 1 month per illustration, id also be destroying my arm 😭 i stopped stylizing my art in 2021 bc i found that my art was getting sloppy in 2020 + i was really struggling in life drawing in school. i needed to buckle down and be more conscientious when drawing poses, learning anatomy and structure... and bc getting back into anime in 2021 really helped me cope with the isolation of the lockdown, so that had a huge influence on my style. but bc of that i think it just took longer and longer to make illustrations and that's something i no longer really wish for.

i really like the period of my art in 2017 with a lot of my persona 4/5 art bc it still has structure even though it's simplified... and the style in my zelda icon... mayhaps experiment a bit more this summer if i can...

[fireboltsystem]

ok this is going to be an obnoxiously long ask jsyk ahead of time, i have a lot of little things to say/ask aoejrof. 1. this is our-library's main blog!! for context, since im sure youve seen us in your notifs lmao 2. related apologies for digging through so much of your blog we were really curious about you because weve been following you on sonicaspeed for a long time and we wanted to know more about you! 3. related again im about to ask a LOT of questions that youre totally free not to answer if theyre too invasive, but theyre all things were genuinely curious/confused about, so wed like to at least take the opportunity to ask! 4. i really hope you dont mind us jabbering at you like this too much alejfkfn we tend to yap ^^'

first thing were really interested in is how exactly an endogenic system works, talking as a traumagenic did (as far as we know) system, especially one thats partially endo and partially traumatic as you seem to be. in the past weve gone from negative (due to being around people who were very bitter about endogenic systems when we were first figuring ourselves out) to supporting it and knowing full well they exist but not understanding it, and wed like to go to understanding and supporting it, but thats really hard when we dont really have an example and looking things up, as always, leads nowhere.

this is of course a little more personal, but we wanted to ask about your subsystem a little, partially due to the fact that weve begun to form our own and arent totally sure how to handle them yet; i noticed a mention of a satellite subsystem within the solar subsystem? is that a nested subsystem? im both very curious, baffled, intrigued, and wanting to know in case it comes up for us, but either way, id love to know exactly how that organization works exactly!

and, um...oh, that might actually be all the questions. woopsie. overestimated that a lil, hehe. think we mightve answered some of them for ourselves as we were scrolling through your blog and then TOTALLY forgot that we didnt have as many questions as we did when we first read your pinned post. we did still manage to yap for a While though apwkrjgh hope this finds you well and all that and that you dont mind the long ask and all the notifs!!! were gonna go raid your sonic blog using our main blog to rb now lmao

🌪 - Oh snap hey! No worries about 'spam' it doesn't bother us at all lol.

Response got LONG so I'll throw it under a cut!

Endogenic systems have as wide a variety of experiences as traumagenic systems do, so describing how they "work" generally is kind of impossible KWNFWK. The only thing to keep in mind is that endogenic systems and system members form for reasons other than trauma - maybe they were born that way, maybe it's neurodivergence, maybe it's spiritual beliefs, intentional formation, or any number of other reasons! Not all endogenic systems lack trauma or even disorders - You can be a system and then experience trauma which causes problems for you later on. Or you can experience trauma that doesn't cause plurality in you, and then discover or become plural later, too! If you don't know yet about Pluralpedia, it can be confusing to navigate but has tons of info about different system origins, traumagenic and endogenic alike. Plus lots of other info about plurality as well!

We consider our system to be primarily traumagenic, but with many individual endogenic members. Most of our endo members exist as introjects and come from the process of creating or experiencing art - our brain is just naturally inclined to make headmates out of characters we connect with qkdnskcn.

As for our subsystems: Yeah, the Satellite subsystem is nested within the Solar subsystem. Team Solar consists of me (Zephyr) and everyone from my world, including my own headmates from back then. The Satellite subsystem is the Shadow I know from my world and all of his headmates that basically got carried over with him. That includes Mia - his protector and introject of his sister - and some of the Black Arms that hitched a ride. The Satellite subsystem is a classic "system-within-a-system". They experience shifting fronting patterns and stuff like that just like we do generally, sometimes cofronting/coconsciousness too. The Satellite subsystem is traumagenic, and Shadow is considered the host for them. They have protectors, persecutors, trauma holders, etc that revolve around Shadow, rather than the system as a whole or any other particular member. We think this is because they are his alters specifically!

For the most part, we use subsystems as organizational labels first, just to communicate and remember who is related or connected to who. Shared sources is usually the deciding factor for whether we lump headmates together in a subsystem or not. Headmates that are 'related' in some way tend to be more likely to be close to front for us at the same time, if that makes sense? Like loose package deals. The Satellite subsys is probably the closest thing we have to a traditional Subsystem as described by the general plural community, probably because they were a system before entering this one (and so was I actually!).

In another ask, you added the question "What are 'exomemories'?". Sometimes known as 'pseudomemories' (we don't like that term personally for reasons we'll get into), they're memories of things the body didn't experience. "Memories from outside", exo-memory. For us these can manifest as traumatic flashbacks to source moments, or positive memories of our lives before being in this system, or just basic facts about who we are and our home worlds. I have a TON of exomemories. I'm very close to source and care about it a lot! Since you follow our art blog you probably already know how much of our work is based on exomems akdnwkfsnci. We don't like using the term 'pseudomemory' for ourselves because there's nothing 'pseudo-' about them. They feel just as real as any of my memories of this life and shape who I am even more!

Hope this was interesting and/or helpful! Feel free to send more questions our way if you have any.

-Zephyr

[for-the-sake-of-color]

Happy Oc Sunday! For Nihlus or any one in crisis company!

👑: What does your oc want to be remembered as? Why?

🔫: Do they trust people easily? How easily will they turn their back to someone? Have they been backstabbed before? Will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

💧: Random angst headcanon

☄️: What do people assume about them? Are they right?

Thanks so much!!! asdjghasgh Sorry this took so long, tumblr desided it didnt like this post so its been hard tryinga get it to post

One Nihlus and Crisis Company, coming right up! (under the cut for lenth purposes) Gonna stop trying to format it and just post it cause this website likes to shit itself anytime you use its own built in features

What Do they want to be Remembered as?

Nihlus: Doesn't want to be remembered, and actually goes out of his way to make sure he is generally never perceived in the first place. To Nihlus, for Nihlus, knowledge about him is a weapon against him. Better to pass through most of life like a ghost. Jet: Wants to be remembered as a smart Captain and a Good Man if he can, someone effective and reliable at what he does. Jet would have deserted the GAR after Geonosis if he didn't believe in the cause of protecting the innocent from the horror of separatist occupation and destruction, because he doesn't believe in the republic itself. He doesn't want to be a hero or maintain a system, he just wants to end the suffering. Margo: She want to do something cool! Mostly just wants to be remembered as that awesome uncle that fixes everything everyone needs Cynic: Would love to be a beloved artist. He wants people to want what he makes. He wants to be remembered for what he can do rather than what he is. Many of his watercolor sketches already sit framed on the walls of Mary Ann's fine dining restaurants, so it could be a reality if the galaxy is kind to him. Heron: Doesn't want to be remembered by anyone except those closest to him. People would be harder to lure in to back alleys to try and mug him if they know to stay away from the guy with the prosthetic leg. And how can he commit crimes against the force gods if no one attacks him first? Lake: Chronically unsure, Lake thinks he wants to be remembered as a decent guy all things considered. Thinks they're all going to be remembered as monsters, but whatever. That's whoever comes next's problem to deal with, he's just trying to have fun and stay alive. Torch: Torch doesn't care if or how he's remembered after he's gone, he's also just here to have a good time while he can. His captain would probably say he's going to be remembered as a goofy problem soldier, but he's going to be remembered as absolutely devotional to his squad, and an excellent sharpshooter. Sprig: He wants to be remembered like a kickass fantasy spy advisor like leliana or zeveran from dragon age. Course the only reason they're deeds are known is because they're part of a video game. Maybe.... he thinks about writing a blackmail book. It would highly embarrass so many senators and office officials for petty (usually illegally so) shit, but that's what they get for legally making him the guy who had to deal with all the bomb threats by chance of birth. Empty buildings give him time to riffle through their shit.

-

Do they trust people easily? How easily will they turn their back to someone? Have they been backstabbed before? Will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

Nihlus: He trusts trustworthy people.... as long as they aren't Jedi or Sith. Anyone capable of resisting his ability to unconditionally access their thoughts and intentions is an eventual threat even if they chose not to resist him.

-He doesn't do things for the good of doing it, if he wants to help even at risk to himself, he really has to like someone. Otherwise that honor is reserved for his clan, for whom he would give himself at the lightest provocation.

-Nihlus ended up in the Era of the Clone Wars due to being locked into a stasis chamber in his archive meant for fragile documents by his former master and oldest friend, Kishta, who had lured him in there to prevent his attempted assassination of the sith emporor for the destruction of his previous clan

- Nihlus is physcially incapable of betraying any of his squad no matter the cost (one of Jets orders), nor would he want to if he could. that is trust for Nihlus. Anyone else is fair game to whatever else serves the needs of him and his people

Jet: Has a healthy suspicion of others because to do otherwise would be irresponsible, but it does not stop him from reaching out, from trying, when he feels that the person is worth it

- Jet will never turn his back on his squad, his family, by his own admission. Has, though, on numerous occasions given some orders that put them in unnecessary danger for appearances sake. no one is perfect.

-Jet has never been truly back-stabbed, but he has been lied to on numerous occasions

-Jet... is initially ready to trade Nihlus life if and when he has to, for the sake of his squad and their family, as was his deal when becoming the Siths Captain. However, the longer he has him, the less likely he is to actually do so. Would not be able to choose between the lives of his squad even if their lives depended on it.

Margo: She trusts hard and fast, but if her trust is ever completely lost... that's it. Good fucking luck ever getting it back.

- Puts her trust in her Captain, and would turn her back on anyone he deemed it necessary for. Otherwise, she goes with her gut to do what she thinks she has to, to be able to sleep soundly at night.

- There have been several times where Margorashly believes they have been betrayed, by Nihlus... by Jet... by militia allies... for the first two it turned out alright, the last one... is still up for debate

- Will betray anyone she has to, to protect their family. She's the second in command, and that saddles her with a certain level of responsibility damn whatever her own morals say.

Cynic: Does not trust a single soul outside of their squad, although its less of a "all of you are sus" and more of a "none of you are reliable"

- it's not turning your back on people if you weren't really going to help them in the first place. Anyone who isn't squad is just fodder for the cause, although he has far more of an affinity towards helping other clones than to even looking a natborns way

- you can only be backstabbed by people you trust and he believes his squad wouldnt do that, everything else is just an unanticipated attack

- has a tier list of who he would trade for who within his squad if he had to that he would never tell anyone else about. It's not based on who he likes best, but rather who he thinks would be able to best keep the squad going

Heron: Doesn't trust easily outside his squad, that's how you get caught. and he hates nothing more than when the jig is up, tehee

- easily, he'll easily turn his back on people (who arent his crew). The only people worth sticking your neck out for are the ones as willing to kill for you as they are to die for you.

- Definately thought Nihlus did that one thing that one time like Margo but was also wrong, although he didn't take it as personally as she did. He is well aware there are worse people them him out there.

- has a tier list like Cynic does. two, actually. one that he publically shifts around as a joke anytime someone fucks with him, and the real one that he holds close to his heart.

Lake: Wants to believe the best in people at all times, genuinely wants to

- would, in the opinion of much of the rest of his crew, would give his life too easily in order to do the right thing. would not easily turn his back on anyone that needed help

- All the time, if by back-stabbed you mean 'dissapointed', Torch is too cautious though, so Lake has never had the chance to be seriously betrayed

- Would never betray his crew outright, no matter what. the morality of his crew matters less than the vows he has made to them. Has been given an ultimatum before, and he made his choice.

Torch: Wants to believe the best in people, but always expects the worst, he has to. it's kept them alive before, and it will do so again.

- will trust easily, and will break that trust easily if he thinks he detects the slightest threat. His squad comes first, always. Will tattle on them to the Captain if he thinks it'll be funny though.

- His initial fuck-ups almost cost his training batch their spots in the GAR, but they didn't have to throw him as under the bus for it as hard as they did

- Will die with his crew before he betrays them, but if he thinks accepting the initial offer will get him a way to help, he can put up a pretty convincing front

Sprig: Trust is hard earned with Sprig, but he notices potential and offers tentative trust accordingly

- socially, he will not be caught unawares. he's spent too long watching people.

- Has never been truely betrayed. had brothers who told him they'd come back who never did, but it's hard to blame the dead, isnt it?

- Sprig will betray anyone he has to, again, for his crew. Jet built this squad well. for his crew? He also has a list of who's life comes first. like the others, his isnt on top of his own.

Random angst headcanon?

Nihlus: Sometimes he looks in the mirror tries to grin and wishes he could smile in full like he could when he was young and happy and didn't had nerve damage over a full third of his face

Jet: gets migraines from his numerous head injuries

Margo: Several of the squad she commanded before she became Jets second died very soon after she transferred, and sometimes she wonders if she had turned him down whether or not she could have done anything to prevent it

Cynic: feels a lot of insecurity initially over his place in the squad, although he doesn't show it, since it was Margo that requested (demanded) he join with her rather than Jet offering.

Heron: Gets phantom cramps in a foot that no longer exists if he leans on that side for too long without a cane, and nothing except straight 'sith magic' has ever seemed to help make it go away

Lake: For better (and through worse) Lake will stay by Torch's side, no matter how often he ethically disagrees with the rest of their squad, because the rest of their batch is DEAD and Lake will be damned if he loses his last batcher, no matter what sort of monster he has to become to keep them that way.

Torch: Constantly puts up a front of whimsy because he's afraid that what he has underneath it isnt worth loving.

Sprig: So, so scared of dying. It's one of the reasons he transfered out of the ordinence corps

-

What do people assume about them? Are they right?

Nihlus: People often see Nihlus' lightsabers and lack of clone armor when the squad is together and assume that he's either the Jedi, or the one in Charge. They are oh so very wrong on both accounts. He will get really pissy if they're stubborn about trying to talk to him over his Captain about mission shit he could really not care any less about. Jet: People assume that the Sith is some how mind controlling his Captain into doing what he wants, when he wants. Jet just scoffs in Blood Oath and orders Nihlus to scrub the refreshers for the third time this month as punishment for breaking some ships rules or ditching drills to hang around Kix, again. Margo: People often assume she's a mechanic, when she's just a tech. Sure, she dabbles in machinery, but she's much more capable on the software than the hardware aspect of technology. She can rewire the engines power cells but for the grace of the force don't ask her what model of spark plug the damn thing needs. Cynic: People assume that by his name and attitude, he hates fun. a real stick up his ass stick in the mud. Truth is he's an early twenty-somethings man trying to make the most of things, he's just a little pessimistic, like, all the time. Absolute party animal otherwise Heron: People assume that as a Medic he's a real 'save everyone you can, do the least amount of harm' mildly Hippocratic oath inclined kinda guy like a majority of the medical professionals in the GAR. Unfortunately, he has... serial killer tendencies. Bit of a god complex, Giver and Taker of Life kinda thing. See enough guys with your face die under you hands and your knife and it's bound to do something, warp you in some way. Lake: People may assume that as like, one of the few people with a truely morally compassionate compass of the group, that Lake would be the weak link to press on to coerce into betraying the squad, but they would be very, very wrong. He values his families life above all others, just not his own. Torch: His whimsical nature might trick one into thinking he's a fool, but Torch is actually one of the most tactically brilliant soldiers in Crisis Company, and has the best aim out of all of them. He's just... occasionally taken over by the urge to Have a Good Time. Sprig: Is a real Seems like a Cinnamon Roll, Could Kill You, kinda guy. Really great at drawing people into just talking. In reality, he's filling it all away to use at a later date should it come in handy. (rarely does it, so he always just comes off as a peoples person)

[ruthytwoshakes]

Art licensing info and bio below.

Howdy

Im RuthyTwoShakes, Ruth for short .nice ta meet tcha ! Previously known as Daffoduck or Daffysbrainrot. I draw war criminals and beautiful ladies. (most often they are both.) sometimes fluffy dog people n other stuff! It/its. But beautiful babes can use whatever pronouns they want helllll yeahh

not very good at responding to anything, but I appreciate every comment I get :D ALSO HEY IF YOU HAVE A TF2 EVENT YOU WANT ARTISTS FOR OR A FUN ART COLLAB THING reach out!!, I do not bite except for when I do but I cannot bite you for you are in my phone. ASK BOX IS OPEN ALL THE TIME TOO GIVE ME IDEAS AND I MIGHT JUST FORGET ABOUT HTME!!!

Other sites:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC38E05EtHpfj75Iqld2c2sg?sttick=0

Artfight: https://artfight.net/~RuthyTwoShakes

Wanna Use my Art?

some rights reserved - CC BY-SA 4.0 Deed (Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International)

You are free to:

Share — copy and redistribute the material in any medium or format for any purpose, even commercially.

Adapt — remix, transform, and build upon the material for any purpose, even commercially.

The licensor cannot revoke these freedoms as long as you follow the license terms.

Under the following terms:

Attribution — You must give appropriate credit , provide a link to the license, and indicate if changes were made . You may do so in any reasonable manner, but not in any way that suggests the licensor endorses you or your use.

ShareAlike — If you remix, transform, or build upon the material, you must distribute your contributions under the same license as the original.

No additional restrictions — You may not apply legal terms or technological measures that legally restrict others from doing anything the license permits.

This work by  RuthyTwoShakes is licensed under Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International

if you’d like to make fanwork of my characters, redesigns, or stories, I’d be honored! Please send it to me so that I can see your wonderful creation :3

Current Projects:

• TF2 Horse Land (yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!!) sketches are done! Horses will come soon. not actual Horse land btw it was actually super racist https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/732184080892002304/sneak-peaks-at-a-new-project-teehee-turndeed-them#notes

• TF2 Class Swap - sketches are done! Just gotta figure out how to add a little more flair to their outfits. https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/722513284945805313/howdy-everyone-i-got-super-inspired-by

• MissFire AMV(s) - not even close to finishing whoopsies sorry lesbians https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/731001880846729216/bonus-sketch-hehe

• Kid Fortress Au - hough. Got so many idea in brain. No time. So sad https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/731960714323001344/think-i-forgot-to-post-this-before-but-boom-kid

• TF2 Face Studies - https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/731316033133150208/howdy-homos-heres-some-studys-i-started-back

• TF2 Girlmode - teehee my first ever project. Should really finish it. https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/708138916429070336/hey-i-made-the-tf2-but-women-i-love-tf2-ggrgsgdg https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/711305702595018752/women-and-pyro-and-pauling-i-love

TF2 OCS

• Glider - my boys,, love both of them so much. (Oldest to newest order) https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/716061402526269440/everyone-alert-little-weird-man-alert https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/716224290162360320/jump-scare-jump-scare-1000-nightmares-forever-oh https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/730031866599669760/raaaaaa-thank-you-qucihee-male-living-space

Completed Projects:

• silly gay tf2 memes: Trans Fems https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/708546538842030080/figured-i-should-make-one-for-trans-mascs-too https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/708579375961030656/its-nonbinerey-time-when-the-non-binary-said-its https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/708640313249513473/l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s-didnt-add-anything-else-because https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/708770670835892224/oh-yeaaah-mu-lu-mu-time-men-the https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/729823820963250176/sup-bro-your-pic-of-soldier-saluting-the

• TF2 Wrist Health Poster - https://daffysbrainrot.tumblr.com/post/730095606308208640/howdy-everybody-i-loved-captainhanyuus-wrist

Important tags:

daffys drawings - all my old art yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

ruths doodles - all my current art :3

Ruths Artfight - artfight hooray

Epic TF2 Projects

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

[spikeinthepunch]

rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[pol1gonal]

This is just me ranting a lot about music shit and not in a fun music creation way more in a music distribution way.

For such an artsy profession/hobby it's odd how cold the process of uploading your music is. It's also super annoying and despite being cold its very inefficient!

Today I switched to Distrokid distribution, the reason for this being that my previous distributor Vampr wasnt living up to anything they had previously. When I signed up and pushed out my first 3 releases they were a free reliable option that had good website formatting that was professional and sleek while also being practical. Then in like april I think they sent an email being like "heyyy we're gonna be updating our UI and adding pre save links and you'll be able to payout at any time! :) so we're gonna be down for a bit"

None of these were particularly useful to me specifically but they were nice to have and other people were probably excited. So then I forgot about it until I checked spotify for artists a bit later and photogeniac was just completely gone. So I checked the vampr distribution page and it was also gone there, then I emailed their support email and tldr they lost it and it was completely out of their system and they seemed like they didnt wanna admit it. Like first they were like "we cant find your account" and then when they found it they were like "oh yeah we see your two releases ever, STGSITVP and SFTCE! problem solved youve never released anything else!"

Ultimately it sucked that it was gone on but I didn't really care because photogeniac was the first thing I released and so it sucked and its not like anyone was listening to it anyways. But while I was checking I saw their UI update and it just looked so weird. Like not only was it harder to understand where things were but like it just looked so much more unprofessional. It looked more like "hey man you wanna upload some music and stuff and use our stuff and upload cmon man" and before it was like "hello, upload music here. or don't, its up to you"

So then a bit ago I was gonna release Chumboxxing as a single on streaming and the UI for uploading on vampr was just so weird and bad. Like I'm not just mad cause it was different that shit was just hard to understand. This wasnt the only factor but it was one of the reasons chumboxing is a bandcamp exclusive (for now at least, it will be available as a bonus track on the next album).

A few days ago I saw that SFTCE got changed to an Album instead of an EP. Uh oh! It turns out this wasnt vampr's fault actually, but I didn't know that. So I went to the vampr site and it kept crashing and eventually I managed to get to see that I couldnt change it. So i ended up deciding to bite the bullet and pay money for distrokid (the leading distributor in the industry I believe, doesnt really matter I chose it cause it's the one I'd heard of a bunch and Neil Cic uses it)

And switching distributors of course couldnt be simple, for one vampr is trying to get its last punches in and their website kept crashing (I got like 6 error404s during the whole process). Distrokid while having a much better UI than Vampr has some odd decisions like how when you upload multiple tracks it has them and the release info all in a vertical scrolling thing instead of having pages, and theres gonna be 2 of these releases for a few days.

Also, this isnt a strictly music thing but I'm sick of having to have a real name for shit. I put Poligonal O for my name on the song credits. I have like everything about my real life and my online life very separate and with a few exceptions I really don't want either of those to intersect.

Anyways moral of the story is how come releasing music isnt easier? If you bothered to read all this thats cool you're cool. If you havent read all of it go back and start again you failed. Listen to my music on stuff and things and byyyeee

[tw1stedthicket]

sad rant below lol just ignore me i just need this to exist in the world rather than not in my brain.

I crave death. Why am I questioning my sexuality again. I wanna cry dude I wish I didn't know any labels and just wanna fuck off into the woods and say I don't fucking know what I am except confused. I really, really like women, but also think sex with anyone is cool (even guys) because stimulation from multiple forms feels good and connection itself can feel good

and men can be cool but I don't really wanna date them though tbh, but also I can't say with 100% earnest that I have no appreciation why people are attracted to men because even though I do feel disgust sometimes at some things I also think painting with too broad of a brush erases the qualities/dynamics in people that transcend gender and are attractive in everybody and I can admit that I am attracted(*?) at times to men

or i at least feel kinda fuckin sick of it being funny to be repulsed by men bc like cmon touch grass at some point youre an adult why aren't men also great and desirable learn a different method of expressing your interest in other things than an online way of saying "ew cooties" to all of men who are individuals too

also I do think that at least for myself any hard line I draw feels redundant as fuck because the world is chock full of people and perhaps sexuality in and of itself is a phenomenon experienced in the context of others in relation to yourself meaning that it's heavily alchemized and influenced by people and there are always people who come across my path that I feel like I could really go through life loving and ppl's own genders can change as well or how they interpret even just "woman" means something wildly different and varying in its own way from a binary meaning that the utility of an identity emphasizing one specific "format" of person makes me feel icky, and also why the fuck does it make sense that i can be attracted to ppl who are bigender or genderfluid for example and they are women at times but men at others, like, is that a different kind of man? idfk.

but also I kinda feel like I don't know how to parse attraction vs. desire vs. arousal, and sometimes what I feel for men is more so arousal and getting off to the notion of being wanted -

except that probably has more to do with things like self esteem & someone finding me desirable, yknow (which is not hard to find in men, which with them being cool and all is like...well...*obligatory you have to be cool and reciprocate kicks in*) and even tho women are RIGHT THERE sometimes it's harder to believe that women, the vastly cooler ppl (lol sorry men i didnt mean to go back to being mean), would find *me* desirable, plus also it's prolly preferable sexual dynamics emphasizing wanted-ness (submissive peeps like myself WANT that setup of attention and desire and control so naturally I might gravitate toward that feeling), and overall male approval and validation can be a hell of a drug

a drug i might add that historically at no point in time in my life has ever been fucking normal and led to authentic experiences and always leaves me feeling like I just enjoy a cat and mouse feeling more than anything and being wanted - which in itself is interesting because a big aspect of feeling the resonance of an identity like "lesbian" that centers women is in how much greater i think life would be if i *wasnt* ever attracted to/desired/whatever men and vice versa and just lived in a world without those complicated feelings where every guy truly was just a bro to me and it was all kumbayah and i never had to worry about any ambiguity at all and i would pull that switch permanently off forever, and also because the fun always always stops the moment the other guy is interested in going further than just sexual messing around stuff and them experiencing legitimate /attraction/ like not just arousal or desire or pursuit but like legitimate ****romantic*** connection & that's a very gross and uncomfortable feeling that just kinda makes me feel guilty and wanna say "oh, buddy..."

except i don't know how to take it that as of the past few weeks i have been feeling fucking strange and topsy turvy because i for some reason have had my sex drive shoot through the fucking empire state building

and i know men are extremely easy access and you can play them like a fucking fiddle when all you care about is transactional (sorry men) and that's cool when you want to be all subby about it and let them dominate you which ppl into that are happy to do if you are a playful participant except also it feels incredibly shameful for me because i don't think that's what i truly want.

because why is this here when for the last few years i have been utterly enamored with women to the point i wanted to say "fuck all men!" and have been super happy to imagine life with women

and i also have some weird internalized beliefs/scripts im aware i unconsciously hold regarding women's sexuality and sapphic women's sexuality in particular that why do i sometimes feel like women are just purer or something and are like the people getting-fucked and not doing-the-fucking like deer or some shit like that classic tumblr post about how gay women dont owe anybody anything other than the nastiest sex they want to have. and all of the sparklies and butterflies in the world at beautiful women are also not just "hehe so pretty" but also "I WANT TO FUCK YOU INTO THE MATTRESS" and even how lesbian sex is im not sure how they do bdsm and i kinda feel at times like i'm operating solely in a vacuum just theorizing shit because it's not like i've even been able to have a single fucking conversation with a lesbian in my life -- ive met plenty of ppl attracted to women and even sapphics that are, but it's always a point of comraderie sometimes like "haha women are so pretty right"

NO FUCK SHIT DAMN IM TIRED OF THAT

I WANT TO MEET UP WITH A HOT WOMAN FOR COFFEE AND HAVE A GOOD CONVERSATION WITH HER AND FEEL AUTHENTIC AND REAL AND HEAR ABOUT HER LIFE AS SHE HEARS ABOUT MINE AND WE CLICK AND THEN MAYBE GO TO SOME STORES AND HANG OUT A LITTLE AND BE FLIRTY AND WE PICK OUT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON LIKES LIKE "HEY THIS IS SO YOU-CODED LOL" WHEN HOLDING A LITTLE FUCKING GHOST MUG

AND WE BE SILLY AND WALK AROUND OUTSIDE AND MAYBE FIND OTHER COOL THINGS TO DO TOGETHER THAT WE BOTH HAVE SHARED HOBBIES IN AND THEN SHE HOLDS ME AS I TELL HER ABOUT HOW VULNERABLE A FEELING IT IS TO BE SO HAPPY IN LIFE AND STILL YEARN SO BAD

AND SHE WOULD HOLD ME CLOSE AND CARESS MY HAIR AND TELL ME THAT MAYBE I JUST HAVE NEEDED SOMEBODY TO SHOW ME THAT I WAS WORTH YEARNING FOR TOO

AND WE BUY EACH OTHER LITTLE TREATS AND CALM EACH OTHER DOWN IN A PANIC AND LEARN TO TALK ABOUT HARD SHIT AND SHE GIVES A FUCK MAN AND WHEN IT COMES TO THAT POINT

WHENEVER IT IS

THEN SHE IS MATURE AND SMART ENOUGH TO BE HONEST THAT SHE WANTS TO FUCK ME AND WE CAN FUCK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE AND HAVE DIRTY FUCKED UP FANTASIES LIKE WE ALL DO AND HAVE OUR MOMENTS AND IDK ITD BE VERY NICE IF SHE REALLY DID KNOW WHAT SHE LIKED AND SHE LIKED TO DOMINATE PEOPLE AND MAKE THEM FLUSTERED AND GOD LIKE IDEK HOW TO PARSE WOMENS SEXUALITY TBH BUT I KNOW I WANT IT

AND IM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE MAN. IM NOT SATISFIED AND FULL ANYMORE ON JUST THESE SUPER WONDERFUL DREAMS OF RELATIONSHIPS AND HAPPINESS KNOWING I HAVE THE FREEDOM TO PURSUE THEM I NEED TO ACTUALLY FUCKING PURSUE THEM

LIKE IM FUCKING LONELY AND THE THING ABOUT LONELINESS IS THAT ITS LIKE A FUCKING NEWTON CRADLE OR SOME SHIT THAT PINGS OFF ITSELF AND THE LONELIER YOU ARE THE HARDER IT IS TO STAND YOUR GROUND AS YOURSELF AND AS A WHOLE PERSON AND A COMPLETE PERSON AND YOU FEEL LIKE A WEAK DOG WHO IS PRONE TO BEGGING THE LONGER TIME GOES ON AND IT BECOMES EVEN MORE SHAMEFUL TO SHARE WITH OTHERS THAT SEE YOU AND WANT TO AVOID THAT DESPERATION AND I HATE THAT IT'S PROBABLY MY FUCKING RITALIN IVE BEEN ON THAT HAS MADE ME NEED DOPAMINE AND WANT TO BE HORNY AS SIN ALL THE GODDAMN TIME BUT I ALWAYS JUST END UP CRYING WHENEVER IM ALONE BECAUSE IDK IF I NEED MY HAIR PLAYED WITH AND KISSED OR MY FACE SHOVED IN A PILLOW BUT I NEED IT DJDIDIFIFOGOGOVOVOGOG