#but like i do not believe one bit that that was the intention IN 2018/18. lets be serious.

[vonlipvig]

while i think the stages of grief playlists are a really fun way to promote ttpd and get us in the mood for it by inviting us to recontextualize taylor's discography, some of you guys are, like...taking it a bit to literally, ngl. 'i can't believe LOVER was a denial song all along!' babes it's a playlist. we're playing.

[oftenderweapons]

heyhey! if possible, i’d like to place my order for a strawberry smoothie + spinach & artichoke dip + clam chowder + bbq sandwich. thank youuuu 💕💕

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Wordcount: 3.3k

Genre: smut. Final fluff. But mostly smut. Pining. Drabble for Bangtan Bistro

Rating: 18+

Tonight we’re serving

- Strawberry Smootie: Kim Taehyung

- Spinach and Artichoke dip: Smut

- Clam Chowder: “What do you mean my meal has already been paid for?” (It’s been rephrased for stylistic purposes)

- BBQ sandwich: Celebrity in Disguise (you need to squint but I swear it’s there just read till the end LOL disguise might have been taken a bit too literally)

TRIGGER WARNINGS: okay, mild alcohol consumption (wine, brandied cherries), swearing, dirty talking, heavy flirting, making out, oral sex (sixty-nine, face fucking male receiving), brief masturbation (male and female receiving), briefest mention of rimming female receiving (just a quick lick *wink wonk*), quite rough sex, manhandling, one degrading comment, impregnation kink and breeding kink, lactation kink (I guess), mild bondage (knees), outright ramming, cumeating and creampie. Final soft, sweet surprise I don’t wanna spoil, I promise it’s a good thing.

Remember to vote for next prompt here and here is my complete masterlist!

Also, lemme self promote my new Taehyung AU

Bfbfhreb there, ready to go! Enjoy 💜✨

Feeling the scorching hotness against your spine was exciting. His eyes were there, planted against the see-through back of your blouse and you could feel them like molten metal dripping down your skin.

He was following the line of pearl buttons tracing your spine, holding close the sheer peacock blue gossamer.

Taehyung licked his lips subconsciously, his mind already wild with pictures of his fingers snapping every button open, one by one.

“Sir, may I ask your order?” A waiter interrupted his musings.

The young man startled. “Steak. Rare. And… Uhm, you do have a Nobile di Montepulciano 2018, right? Just a glass. One for the lady at the bar too. Roasted vegetables with the steak.” He closed the menu and placed it on the table. He loosened his tie discreetly.

The waiter checked the wine chart and confirmed the order. “The steak right away? No appetisers?” He asked.

Taehyung followed you as a polished waitress accompanied you to a table across the room, the iridescent fabric of your top shimmering in a holographic effect under the soft light of the chandeliers.

“No appetisers,” he confirmed, his eyes never leaving you. “About that glass of merlot for the lady. She has moved over there,” he curtly indicated the direction with a nod of his chin. Looking at the waiter he searched the backpocket of his slacks. “Now,” He extracted his wallet, looking for a note and laying a 50,000 won piece on the table. “I know this might come off as rude but I’m asking for more than food, so…” Taehyung let the sentence fall eloquently. “Tell me something about her. Name, phone number, shoe size, I don’t care as long as I get to see her again.”

The waiter’s eyebrows shot up. “Of course, sir. She usually comes here with her friends, but tonight apparently she is by herself. They usually come on Thursday night.”

Thursday, of course.

Taehyung smiled. “Thank you. But I need a bit more than that.”

“I’ll come back with more, I promise.” The waiter bowed politely and left. Shortly after, Taehyung noticed the waiter walking to your table bottle in hand, gesturing to the other table as he talked to you discreetly. From the distance he could recognise a small smirk aimed in his direction, before you turned to the waiter, batting your lashes as you nodded.

He noticed a set of earrings glimmering like twin stars at your earlobes, while a fine thread of diamonds adorned your neck, matching the other pair of jewels.

The waiter poured your wine and leaned towards you, the epitome of politeness as he explained the situation very elegantly.

You were slightly surprised but didn’t let his words sway you too much. Keeping a sphinx-like composure you said something Taehyung couldn’t decipher from the distance, the waiter walking in his direction straight away.

“The lady said she is waiting for you to drink, sir.”

Glass half full, Taehyung lifted it in your direction, waiting for you to mirror the gesture. He cocked an eyebrow as you did, tipping the rim in your direction before bringing it to his lips and taking a small sip, observing your red lips lay on the glass while your neck stretched.

Watching your throat move as you swallowed was a vision too erotic for him to handle, and he politely fixed his stance, trying to alleviate his need.

Just as his steak was delivered, he was struck by surprise as the same dish was served at your table.

If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought it a shame that you and him were sitting alone, ten metres apart at two different tables.

A part of him was pleased to realise that you had specifically asked his exact same order; however, his ego was drastically redimensioned once you started eating. You were a tease, licking your lips as the juices from the meat glistened on the deep scarlet colour of your lip tint. He felt embarrassed at the amount of details he could see now thanks to arousal, feeling like a predator as he studied your hands gripping the cutlery, your mouth opening wide for a bite too big, and the wine. He loved watching you drink. He loved watching the diamonds twinkle as your throat moved.

He was almost sad the moment he noticed you had both finished the food.

“Please, put the lady’s bill on me,” the waiter nodded as he took the empty dishes away.

“She wanted me to tell you her shoe size is seven and a half and that she doesn’t want anything less than six inches.”

Taehyung snickered and looked at the table cloth as he felt his cheeks blush. “I know I’m asking a lot of you, but would you tell the lady that I’m interested in another kind of number?”

“About that, she mentioned 100-85-120. I believe you can understand perfectly.” The waiter commented. “May I bring the dessert chart? Or would you perhaps be interested in today’s special?”

Taehyung nodded to himself. “What about your divine flaming cherry bites?”

The waiter bowed his head in acknowledgement. “For the lady too?”

Taehyung smiled. “Yes.”

The older man was glad to assist the young customer, not at all because of the tip — he would have considered it rude from anyone else, however the warm smiles and the way he used honorifics and register had the man trusting the wealthy, polished kid. He almost felt fatherly sympathy for the smooth charmer sitting at the table: he looked at the woman with nothing but adoration and devotion. There were at least twenty women in the room, some of which had way more skin on show, and way sultrier looks; still, he only had eyes for you.

Once dessert was delivered at both your tables, the flirting resumed, your instincts awakening dangerously as he made a fine work of licking his fingertips, stained with the chocolate sauce covering the brandied cherries elegantly placed on a small pastry basket.

It was your turn to catch fire as you stared at his deep, dark eyes, his unwavering glance, and the beautiful shape of his mouth, his brown, wavy locks pushed back elegantly. He looked like the devil.

And you had every intention of burning in his flames.

As you asked for the bill, the waiter shook his head politely. “The gentleman at the table over there has already taken care of it, miss.”

Your eyebrows shot up before you smirked. “Then I think I should stop by and thank him.”

“He’ll be more than glad, miss.”

“Thank you for your help. I hope your shift will proceed smoothly, mr Lim.” You rose to your feet.

“It is always a pleasure having you here. Greet your friends on my behalf.”

You chuckled gently. The kind, warm man had seen you and your mates come across the foyer so many times, for dinner or for drinks. He always exchanged greetings and was always happy whenever you asked him about his family and the business. “Will do. Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight, miss.”

You took slow steps in the man’s direction, stopping beside him. “I believe I owe you a thank you.”

“No need to thank me.” He said, looking up at you.

“What if I wanted to thank you.” You replied slowly and quietly.

“How?”

“An empty hotel room can be very lonely.” You said, looking at your feet and toying with a keycard in your hands. “I’ve booked a room to celebrate my birthday and let me tell you everything has been so dull so far.” You pouted a little before shrugging casually. “Maybe we could turn the night a little brighter.”

“I am a gentleman, I don’t really like visiting ladies in their private rooms.” He looked away theatrically. “However, how would I disappoint such a refined woman? And leave you all alone on your birthday. I believe that would be unforgivable.”

“Indeed.” You confirmed.

As he stood up, he placed an arm around your waist. “Sorry, I tend to be an old school romantic. Stop me if you feel uncomfortable.”

“I love a bit of romance.” You smiled at him, batting your lashes seducingly. “What brings you here for a lonely dinner?”

“Business.” He replied curtly.

You snickered. “Of course.”

“Floor?” He asked once in the lift.

“Thirty-fourth,” you replied, fixing your skirt.

“Pretty high up,” he commented, pressing the button.

You resisted ten floors before staring at his lips. By floor fourteen his mouth landed on yours, sucking your lower lip, enjoying the plumpness of it before he opened wide, his tongue sliding out and entering your mouth, tickling your palate before swirling round your appendage.

His palm caressed your side, reaching your asscheek and squeezing it, his throat emitting a low hum.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hold on anymore,” he apologised as he parted from you once the doors dinged and opened.

You fixed your hair, his hand gesturing for you to lead the way — an excellent excuse to stare at your behind as you walked in front of him.

Once you reached the door, he kissed your nape while you slipped the keycard into the lock. His hands were already fumbling with the tiny buttons before the door would even buzz open.

“You can call me Nymph.” You said, as his hands proceeded working the small buttons.

“Of course. I'm Sir to you.” He stated sternly.

You smiled and shook your head. “Of course.”

You turned around and took off your shirt. “Get yourself naked.” You said distractedly.

He clenched his jaw at your command but obeyed nonetheless. “Nothing less than six inches?” He commented as you slipped off your heels, his glance following the red soles of your stilettos.

With a hand to his chest you pushed him with his back to the wall and teasingly dragged your palm all the way to his belt, lingering there a while before moving further down. “I’m sure you can deliver.”

“In kind.” He smirked, his eyes rolling shut as your fingers teased him over his slacks.

“Naked, now, sir.” You ordered.

“A hungry Nymph we have here.” He commented, undoing his necktie and throwing it on the bed. Next, he only undid the buttons necessary to get his shirt off. His undershirt was gone in seconds, just as your blouse and skirt disappeared, your body clad in a burnt pink silk slip.

Taehyung licked his lips and undid his belt, kicking his slippers close to the door before getting rid of his trousers lightning fast.

“Shall I get on the bed?” You asked, taking a few steps back.

“Oh no. Stay right there, Nymph.” He ordered, standing in nothing but his underwear before placing his hands around your waist and pulling you closer, kissing your neck, your chest, your hardened nipples hidden underneath the smooth silk. He began walking you backwards to the bed.

“Climb,” he purred once the back of your calves touched the mattress, making you turn to face the bed, your body kneeling on the comforter before he pushed your front down, getting you on all fours. He flipped your slip up, exposing your skimpy panties. “I’m gonna rip these.” he growled before biting your ass.

“Don’t. Just take them off.” You replied, turning around to look at him with imploring eyes. You didn't want to ruin the set.

He followed your request, immediately dipping his nose in your wetness once he managed to unstick the fabric from your folds. Shamelessly, he moaned as his tongue went from your dripping hole to your puckered one, laving it lewdly.

“Yes, Sir.” You keened, pushing back against his tongue.

He chuckled, parting from you, standing to his feet and taking off his boxers.

His cock pulsated painfully at the sight of you, at the way you stared at him while he reached the other side of the bed and laid down, settling in the middle, his erection right below your awaiting mouth.

You tried to lower yourself and swallow his tip, however he stopped you. “Get on my face right now, Nymph. I wanna see if you taste as expensive as you look.” He growled.

You simply licked your lips, his cock twitching as your hot exhale caressed his flushed skin. He was so veiny, and all you wanted to do was check if you could feel that against your inner walls. Straddling his face, you settled on top of him, not wasting a second before taking him in your mouth now that he was underneath you, under your control.

He moaned sinfully, his breath hitting your moist skin before his tongue flicked against your entrance, eliciting a contented hum.

For a few minutes all you could hear was the sounds of you sucking his cock, wet slurps filling your ears as your mouth became messy with saliva and his precum. At the same time, Taehyung was enjoying your cunt covering his whole face in juices, while some of his own spit eventually landed on his cheeks, coating his chin and nose too.

He was starved, shameless, wild. He parted from your folds only long enough to say 'naked, now'.

It didn't feel like there was any room for insubordination.

You freed his cock only long enough to remove your slip, sucking it back in your mouth before you took off your bra. As his hands met your breasts, grabbing them with thrilling pain, you felt him push you upwards away from his sex.

“I don't want to cum in your mouth. Gimme that tight, dripping cunt, Nymph,” he growled, touching your clit while his tongue teased the softest flesh of your labia.

“I'm going to ride your face, Sir?” You asked, feeling your breasts starting to bounce as your hips began grinding against him.

“Fuck my face, sweetness.” He replied, your body following his command straight away, your mouth opening in brainless, fucked out whimpers as your orgasm approached.

He kept going.

And even when you started to cum, he went on.

Even when you were humping against him ruthlessly, violently, he continued.

And when he noticed a second high take over, he outright refused to let go, no matter if you cried and begged and yelped.

He only calmed down once he felt you grab his cock and begin to stroke.

He slapped your mound violently, growling minaciously before he pushed you forward, on all fours, grabbing your thighs and opening his legs so that your front fell against the mattress once he pulled your knees from beneath you, placing your drenched core right against his crotch.

His stronger hand spanked your ass. “I told you I want to cum in your cunt and that's what you do?” He hit again. “Touch me so I'll have to cum on my belly like a teen nerd?” Another spank. “Hope you're gonna stay put now.”

He maneuvered the tip to your hole, sliding the head inside.

You purred and whined once you felt him sheathed deep in your core.

The angle was majestic. His upward curve teased the back of your vagina, rubbing against all the right spots, the soft head pressing against the inner nerves of your clitoris.

Just as you tried moving your hips against him, he sat up straighter and grabbed your hips, shoving you on his cock with breakneck speed, making your front burn with the friction against the sheets.

“Sir, please. Please it burns.” You called, desperate after a minute or so, feeling your control slip.

He gave a few more thrusts before he realised you had voiced discomfort. “Inside? Am I going too fast, does it hurt?” He spoke with tenderness and apprehension.

You shook your head. “My chest against the sheets.” You explained with a small whine.

He nodded and laid down,catching your leg and leading it in a half circle motion, helping you roll on your back as you unstraddled him.

However, his kindness was short-lived. As soon as he found your calves beside his chest, he grabbed your ankles and sat up, bending your knees and blocking them with his forearm; his free hand searched for the necktie and, once he found it, he expertly slid it beneath your legs, and then around them, tying a knot above the swell of your calves.

You stared at him with your mouth open, eyes wide and inquisitive before a naughty grin lit up your face.

He rose to his knees, crawling closer to you, bending your knees to your chest and letting your ankles settle over his left shoulder.

“Hold on tight, Nymph.” He said, bracing a hand beside your face as he lined his shaft with your cunt, sliding in effortlessly, grunting at the unspeakable tightness of your sex. “Fuck me so good, sweetness.” He mumbled. “I'm gonna rail you.” He groaned as he felt his balls tighten. “I'm gonna fill you up and watch those tits grow once you're full of my babies.” He teased. “Now you're gonna milk this cock and take every drop of my cum.”

You mewled at his sinful intent, squeezing round him and feeling his hand generously finger your clit.

“Please, fill me up. Please. I want to be heavy with your babies.”

“And you're gonna lactate them.” He whispered darkly at your ear, making the gesture feel so dirty, even though it was just natural mammal anatomy.

“I will, Sir.” You cried out, feeling your end tower over you.

“And once they're done suckling, I'll take my turn.” He growled. He had only maybe three strokes left before he would cum.

“I'm yours. All yours. Please, breed me, Sir. I'm yours,” you wailed, voice close to breaking.

“You are my horny little cumslut,” he snarled before joining your mouth with his, covering both your and his cries as you finally reached the peak.

His cock drilled deep into you as he coated your inner walls in cum, the hotness and stickiness of it pouring out of you and gluing him to your entrance.

It felt magnificent.

“I know you.” He whispered gently at your ear. “My most precious darling.”

You were still drifting ecstatically, your eyes opening slowly, lazily.

“Hello Lace.” He cooed at you, smiling softly. “Welcome back, my love.”

You mirrored his smirk and wiggled your feet against his shoulder. “Hello, my beloved fiancé. Would you please do me the courtesy of untying that?” You arched an eyebrow.

He chuckled and obeyed, almost expecting you to slide off of him; instead, you simply moved a leg to his other side and crossed your ankles behind him to tug him close to you.

“That impregnation thingie really got you going, uh?” You said, wiggling your eyebrows at him.

He nodded and kissed your chest, cupping it softly and pecking your nipples, your skin still flushed from the burning friction and the recent orgasm. “Even though I know you're covered, I find the idea so sexy.” He confirmed, pressing his face to the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. “You looked very hot in that outfit. It really made me want to seduce you all over again.”

“It was fun watching you act the part. You even tipped the waiter.” You chuckled.

“You told me your measurements, Miss 'no less than six inches'.” He kissed your earlobe. “Do you know they're the combination of the apartment safe?”

You laughed and then quieted down for a second. “I wanted to jump your bones the very moment I saw you.”

“Happy to know my future wife still gets the hots for me.” He commented, matter-of-factly.

You giggled quietly. “I love you.”

He combed your hair slowly, tenderly. “I love you too.”

[finalgirlincollege]

Reversing the Role. Cameron Elam in Halloween Kills.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Finally, after having waited three years for the release of Halloween Kills (H. Kills), I obviously went last Thursday with a couple of friends to see the it on it’s release date, and in between all the glorious violence at the hands of Michael, one of the deaths caught my attention not only for the brutality of it but because of it’s visual and sonorous elements. It is then that in the subsequent words I propose a brief analysis of Cameron Elam.

Though when we are introduced to Cameron in 2018’s Halloween (H. 18) in the halls of Haddonfield High with him wearing regular teenage boy clothes, it’s his and Allyson’s Halloween disguises where the lines of his role are beginning to truly being drawn.

As part of a couple’s costume, he and Laurie’s granddaughter decide to do a genderbent version of Bonnie and Clyde, leaving her in traditionally male clothes that might represent the necessary masculinization of the Final Girl (FG) that according to texts like Carol Clover’s “Her body, himself” (1987), allows a mostly a male audience to identify with a female protagonist; nevertheless—and putting the issues that arise from this perspective aside—it’s the significance of Cameron in in a skirt, sweater, beret and heels that caught my attention as his character develops until his death in H. Kills.

Before going forward with my rambling, it’s important to address the fact that I might very well be over analyzing a choice that might had only had Allyson’s needs as a FG in the movie after the High School dance; yet, thought we can’t be 100% certain of what the intentions of the costume department was the moment they made the decision of putting him in a skirt—while Allyson wore pants and flat shoes, I think we can at least acknowledge said choice as a conscious decision given the fact that they could’ve worn other outfits that allowed them both to be in comfortable clothing, but instead, Cameron sported clothes that are usually interpreted as female.

Now skipping to his first scene in H. Kills, Cameron can be seen walking through the streets of Haddonfield—presumably towards his home—calling his friend Oscar that unveknownst to him has been murdered by Michael in H.18, with his kitten heels on one hand and seemingly a bit drunk from the alcohol he illegally consumed on the party, we see a scene very reminiscing of what is usually referred to “the walk of shame” that follows a sexual encounter that usually has no emotional connection and that in this case is represented by the fact that he kissed a girl that wasn’t his girlfriend in the couple of minutes it took Allyson to talk to her friend in the previous entry of the franchise.

It is in the midst of the failed phone call that Cameron finds officer Hawkins laying on the street after being stabbed and ran over by Dr. Sartain in H.18, leading the teenager to help him and to acquire the knowledge that Michael Myers is once more roaming the streets of their small town on a Halloween night. It is in this change of scenes, as he puts on a hoodie between him finding Hawkins, and the ambulance and his own father Lonnie arriving to the scene to take the officer to the hospital that we see an important change on Cameron’s outfit that signals two layers of this character: the first one being the façade we are supposed to believe and the real Cameron in relation to the part he plays within the narrative of the film.

As the film progresses, Cameron and Allyson join his father—now being friends with Tommy, Lindsey and Marion—the other survivors of Michael’s attack all the way back in 1978, in the search for the Boogeyman with the intention of finally putting a stop to him; yet as they separate to cover more ground, Cameron, his father and Allyson end up in the Myers’s home. It’s here, after they and we as the audience hear a gunshot that the your couple enter the house trying to aid Lonnie that Cameron’s final sequence begins.

Let’s remember before going forward that after having helped Hawkins, Cameron now has a hoodie on and changed his heels for a pair of sneakers, yet, he still has the skirt on, a piece that has been partially concealed by shots where he appears from the waist up but that now, as Allyson and him roam the house in search of his father, is once more exposed to us, as if to remind us he’s to be one more victim to Michael’s body count.

As such, he’s attacked by Michael as he looks up to see the mangled body of his father after having felt his blood trickling down onto Cameron’s own face, making him scream and though it’s not something exclusive of female characters, the title of Scream Queen does reminds us the characteristic wails of terror of women in horror films. As Kaja Silverman’s explains in her studies of female voice and sound in film, as female characters tend to use crying or screaming to accompany the visual elements, giving them the part of something akin to setting the mood by not really having an active role in the development to the plot, because—like Silverman explains, women are more like children than adults (Silverman, 1990), specially in the sub genre that is of importance to in this text.

Going back a few scenes, from the first moments Cameron is on screen, he can be seen (and heard) following this pattern as, after finding Hawkins, Cameron resorts to screaming for help as he tries to help him not really knowing what to do.

It’s relevant to note as well Allyson’s actions in this scene as she’s the one that—although futile in the end—tries to save Cameron opposed to the other way around, for although it’s clear she’s acting as another FG to this series, it’s not uncommon to see a male secondary character helping the leading woman, yet there’s no aid from Cameron to Allyson here, making him a passive entity more comparable to the common female victim.

And although this scene can be read as the female character helping the male one and therefore giving representation to female empowerment, it’s interesting to remember that Cameron in a way seems to be female coded, as the skirt he’s using is an element with a heavy history of being linked with femininity and certain characteristics like fragility and helplessness (Entwistle, 2002), and though gender norms have always been questioned and defied by some groups of society (I.e. alternative fashion) I think that today there’s still such a strong connection between sex and gender that it helps maintain the relation that some type of clothes have with some identity-forming characteristics of the person—or in this case character wearing them, which would give sense to the way Cameron is dress in relation to his performance.

Even the brutality of the kill seems like a nod to the violence that is usually used against women in Slasher films, that according to some statistics, have twice as long persecutions than men and more graphic deaths (Sapolsky, Molitor and Luque, 2003).

That being said, and before this analysis final words, I just want to say I thoroughly enjoyed Halloween Kills and what seems to be being done with the franchise. Nevertheless, though female agency seems to have a big role in the David Gordon Green’s Halloween trilogy, as they seemed to use Cameron to mock some of the rules that up until recently have plagued Slasher films (ie. the killing of female victims that contradict what’s expected with traditional femininity), I feel like they still seem to be punishing femininity for existing as they now transfer values that are attached to the female gender to a male body, not understanding that gender and sex are not the same thing and therefore still end up perpetuating negative stereotypes. Furthermore, some may say H. Kills is not only acting against Cameron’s shitty behavior in the previous film but also in opposition to alternative masculinities that don’t align with the protector and tough persona, and though I don’t agree with this second hypothesis, I think it serves to highlight the importance of communication through fashion in cinema.

[popculty]

52 Films by Women: 2020 Edition

Another annual challenge complete!

Last year, I focused on diversifying my list. This year I kept that intention but focused on watching more non-American films and films from the 20th century. Specifically, I sought out Agnès Varda’s entire filmography, after her death in 2019. (I was not disappointed - What a filmmaking legend we lost.) 

I also kept a film log for the first time and have included some of my thoughts on several films from that log. I made a point of including reviews both positive and negative, because I think it’s important to acknowledge the variability and breadth of the canon, so as not to put every film directed by a woman on a pedestal. (Although movies directed by women must clear a much higher bar to be greenlit, meaning generally higher quality...But that’s an essay for another day :)

* = directed by a woman of color

bold = fave

1. The Rhythm Section (2020) dir. Reed Morano - Not as good as it could have been, given Morano’s proven skill behind the camera, but also not nearly as bad as the critics made it out to be. And unbelievably refreshing to see a female revenge story not driven by sexual assault or the loss of a husband/child.

2. Cléo de 5 à 7 (1962) dir. Agnès Varda - If you ever wanted to take a real-time tour of Paris circa 1960, this is the film for you.

3. Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig - Still my favorite Little Women adaptation. I will re-watch it every year and cry.

4. Varda by Agnès (2019) dir. Agnès Varda & Didier Rouget

5. Booksmart (2019) dir. Olivia Wilde - An instant classic high school comedy romp that subverts all the gross tropes of its 1980s predecessors.

6. Girls of the Sun (2018) dir. Eva Husson

7. Blue My Mind (2017) dir. Lisa Brühlmann

8. Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma - Believe the hype. This film is a master thesis on the female gaze, and also just really effing gorgeous.

9. Belle Epine (2010) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

10. Vamps (2012) dir. Amy Heckerling - With Krysten Ritter and Alicia Silverstone as modern-day vampires, I was so ready for this movie. But it feels like a bad stage play or a sit-com that’s missing a laugh-track. Bummer.

11. *Birds of Prey (2020) dir. Cathy Yan - Where has this movie been all our lives?? Skip the next onslaught of Snyder-verse grim-darkery and give me two more of these STAT! 

12. She’s Missing (2019) dir. Alexandra McGuinness

13. The Mustang (2019) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnere - Trigger warning for the “protagonist” repeatedly punching a horse in the chest. I noped right out of there.

14. Monster (2003) dir. Patty Jenkins – I first watched this movie when I was probably too young and haven’t revisited it since. The rape scene traumatized me as a kid, but as an adult I appreciate how that trauma is not the center of the movie, or even of Aileen’s life. Everyone still talks about how Charlize “went ugly” for this role, but the biggest transformation here isn’t aesthetic, it’s physical – the way Theron replicates Wuernos’ mannerisms, way of speaking, and physicality. That’s why she won the Oscar. I also love that Jenkins calls the film “Monster” (which everyone labels Aileen), but then actually uses it to tell the story of how she fell in love with a woman when she was at her lowest, and that saved her. That’s kind of beautiful, and I’m glad I re-watched it so that I could see the story in that light, instead of the general memory I had of it being a good, feel-bad movie. It’s so much more than that.

15. Water Lilies (2007) dir. Céline Sciamma – Sciamma’s screenwriting and directorial debut, the first in her trilogy on youth, is as painfully beautiful as its sequels (Tomboy and Girlhood). It’s also one of the rare films that explores the overlap of queerness and girl friendships.

16. The Trouble with Angels (1966) dir. Ida Lupino – Movies about shenanigan-based female friendships are such rare delights. Rosalind Russel is divine as Mother Superior, and Hayley Mills as “scathingly brilliant” as the pranks she plays on her. Ida Lupino’s skill as an editor only enhances her directing, providing some truly iconic visual gags to complement dialogue snappy enough for Gilmore Girls. 

17. Vagabond (1985) dir. Agnès Varda – Shot with a haunting realism, this film has no qualms about its heroine’s inevitable, unceremonious death, which it opens with, matter-of-factly, before retracing her final (literal) steps to the road-side ditch she ends up in. (I’m partly convinced said heroine was the inspiration for Sarah Manning in Orphan Black.)

18. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (1977) dir. Agnès Varda – Probably my favorite classic Varda, this film feels incredibly personal. It’s essentially a love story about two best friends with very different lives. For an indie made in the ‘70s, the diversity, scope, and themes of the film are impressive. Even if the second half a drags a bit, the first half is absolute perfection, engaging the viewer immediately, and clipping along, sprinkling in some great original songs that were way progressive for their time (about abortion, female bodily autonomy, etc) and could still be considered “bangers” today.

19. Emma (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

20. Black Panthers (1969) dir. Agnès Varda

21. Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema - When the world was ending (i.e. the pandemic hit) this was the first movie I turned to - a quiet, meditative story of two sisters (Elliot Page and Evan Rachel Wood) surviving off the land after a sudden global blackout. Four years later, it’s still one of my favorite book-to-screen adaptations. I fondly remember speaking with director Patricia Rozema at the 2016 Chicago Critics Film Festival after a screening, her love for the source material and desire to “get it right” so apparent. I assured her then, and reaffirm now, that she really did.

22. City of Trees (2019) dir. Alexandra Swarens

23. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) dir. Eliza Hittmann - To call this a harrowing and deeply personal journey of a sixteen-year-old who must cross state lines to get an abortion would be accurate, but incomplete. It is a story so much bigger than that, about the myriad ways women’s bodies and boundaries are constantly violated.

24. Paradise Hills (2019) dir. Alice Waddington

25. *Eve’s Bayou (1996) dir. Kasi Lemmons – I’ve been meaning to watch Kasi Lemmons’ directorial debut for many years now, and I’m so glad I finally have, because it fully deserves its icon status, beyond being one of the first major films directed by a black woman. Baby Jurnee Smollett's talent was immediately recognizable, and she has reminded us of it in Birds of Prey and Lovecraft Country this year. If merit was genuinely a factor for Oscar contenders, she would have taken home gold at eleven years old. Beasts of the Southern Wild has been one of my all-time favorites, but now I realize that most of my appreciation for that movie actually goes to Lemmons for blazing the trail with her story of a young black girl from the bayou first. It’s also a surprisingly dark story about memory and abuse and familial relationships that cross lines - really gutsy and surprising themes, especially for the ‘90s.

26. Blow the Man Down (2019) dir. Bridget Savage Cole & Danielle Krudy - Come and get your sea shanty fix!

27. Touchy Feely (2013) dir. Lynn Shelton - R.I.P. :(

28. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (2020) dir. Madeleine Parry - If you thought Gadsby couldn’t follow up 2018′s sensational Nanette with a comedy special just as sharp and hilarious, you would have been sorely mistaken.

29. Girlhood (2013) dir. Céline Sciamma

30. Breathe (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent

31. *A Dry White Season (1989) dir. Euzhan Palcy

32. Laggies (2014) dir. Lynn Shelton

33. *The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood – Everything I’ve ever wanted in an action movie: Immortal gays, Charlize Theron wielding a labrys (battle axe), kinetic fight choreography I haven’t seen since the last Bond movie…Watched it twice, then devoured the comics it was adapted from, and I gotta say: in the hands of black women, it eclipses the source material. Cannot wait for the just-announced sequel.

34. Morvern Callar (2002) dir. Lynn Ramsay

35. Shirley (2020) dir. Josephine Decker

36. *Radioactive (2019) dir. Marjane Satrapi – The story is obviously well worth telling and the narrative structure – weaving in the future consequences of Curie’s discoveries – is clever, but a bit awkwardly executed and overly manipulative. There are glimpses of real brilliance throughout, but it feels as if the director’s vision was not fully realized, to my great disappointment. Nonetheless, I appreciated seeing Marie Curie's story being told by a female director and embodied by the always wonderful Rosamund Pike.

37. *The Half of It (2020) dir. Alice Wu - I feel like a real scrooge for saying this, but this movie did nothing for me. Nothing about it felt fresh, authentic or relatable. A real disappointment from the filmmaker behind the wlw classic Saving Face.

38. Mouthpiece (2018) dir. Patricia Rozema - I am absolutely floored. One of those films that makes you fall in love with the art form all over again. Patricia Rozema continues to prove herself one of the most creatively ambitious and insightful directors of our time, with this melancholic meditation on maternal grief and a woman’s duality.

39. Summerland (2020) dir. Jessica Swale - The rare period wlw love story that is not a) all-white or b) tragedy porn. Just lovely.

40. *The Last Thing He Wanted (2020) dir. Dee Rees – As rumored, a mess. Even by the end, I still couldn’t tell you who any of the characters are. Dee, we know you’re so much better than this! (see: Mudbound, Pariah)

41. *Cuties (2020) dir. Maïmouna Doucouré – I watched this film to 1) support a black woman director who has been getting death threats for her work and 2) see what all the fuss is about. While I do think there were possibly some directorial choices that could have saved quite a bit of the pearl-clutching, overall, I didn’t find it overly-exploitative or gross, as many (who obviously haven’t actually watched the film) have labeled it. It certainly does give me pause, though, and makes me wonder whether children can ever be put in front of a camera without it exploiting or causing harm to them in some way. It also makes one consider the blurry line between being a critique versus being an example. File this one under complicated, for sure.

42. A Call to Spy (2019) Lydia Dean Pilcher – An incredible true story of female spies during WWII that perfectly satisfied my itch for British period drama/spy thriller and taught me so much herstory I didn’t know.

43. Kajillionaire (2020) dir. Miranda July - I was lucky enough to attend the (virtual) premiere of this film, followed by an insightful cast/director Q&A, which only made me appreciate it more. July's offbeat dark comedy about a family of con artists is queerer and more heartfelt than it has any right to be, and a needed reprieve in a year of almost entirely white wlw stories. The family's shenanigans are the hook, but it's the budding relationship between Old Dolio (an almost unrecognizable Evan Rachel Wood) and aspiring grifter Melanie (the luminous Gina Rodriguez) that is the heart of the story.

44. Misbehaviour (2020) dir. Philippa Lowthorpe – Again, teaching me herstory I didn’t know, about how the Women’s Liberation Movement stormed the 1970 Miss World Pageant. Keira Knightley and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s characters have a conversation in a bathroom at the end of the film that perfectly eviscerates well-meaning yet ignorant white feminism, without ever pitting women against each other - a feat I didn’t think was possible. I also didn’t think it was possible to critique the male gaze without showing it (*ahem Cuties, Bombshell, etc*), but this again, invents a way to do it. Bless women directors.

45. *All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) dir. Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortes – 2020’s 13th. Thank god for Stacey Abrams, that is all.

46. *The 40-Year-Old Version (2020) dir. Radha Blank – This scene right here? I felt that in my soul. This whole film is so good and funny and heartfelt and relatable to any artist trying to walk that tightrope of “making it” while not selling their soul to make it. My only initial semi-note was that it’s a little long, but after hearing Radha Blank talk about how she fought for the two-hour run-time as a way of reclaiming space for older black women, I take it back. She’s right: Let black women take up space. Let her movie be as long as she wants it to be. GOOD FOR HER.

47. Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea Duvall - Hoooo boy. What was marketed as the first lesbian Christmas rom-com is actually a horror movie for anyone who’s ever had to come out. Throw in casual racism and a toxic relationship treated as otp, and it’s YIKES on so many levels. Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, and an autistic-coded Jane are the only (underused) highlights.

48. *Monkey Beach (2020) dir. Loretta Todd

49. *Little Chief (2020) dir. Erica Tremblay – A short film part of the 2020 Red Nation Film Festival, it’s a perfect eleven minutes that I wish had gone on longer, if only to bask in Lily Gladstone in a leading role.

50. First Cow (2019) dir. Kelly Reichardt – I know Kelly Reichardt’s style, so I’ll admit-- even as I was preparing for an excellent film, I was also reaching for my phone, planning on only half paying attention during all the inevitable 30-second shots of grass blowing in the wind. (And yes, there are plenty of those.) But twenty minutes in, my phone was set aside and forgotten, as I am getting sucked into this beautiful story about two frontiersman trying to live their best domestic life.There is only one word to describe this film and that is: PURE. I’ve never seen such a tender platonic relationship between men on screen before, and it’s not lost on me that it took a woman to show us that tenderness. Reichardt gives us two men brought together by fate, and kept together by a shared dream and the simple pleasure of not being alone in such a hard world; two men who spend their days cooking, trapping, baking, and dreaming of a better life; two men who don’t say much, but feel everything for each other. The world would be a much better place if men showed us this kind of vulnerability and friendship toward each other. Oh, and it’s also a brutal take-down of capitalism and the myth of the American Dream!

51. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) dir. Patty Jenkins - My most-anticipated film for the past two years was...well, a mixed bag, to say the least. Too many thoughts on it for a blog post, so stay tuned for the upcoming podcast ep where we go all in ;)

52. *Selah and the Spades (2019) dir. Tayarisha Poe

I hope this gives you some ideas to kick off your new year with a resolution to support more female directors!

What were your favorite women-directed movies of last year? Let me know in the tags, comments, or asks!

[this-idiots-left-eye]

In Plain Sight

Cover art by Stlyrica on instagram!! I’ll put a link to it in a reblog!!

Fandom: Pandora Hearts

Summary: When Break hides Gilbert's favorite Christmas ornament somewhere in the Rainsworth manor, the Golden Trio must spend the afternoon looking for it. But why is it so special to Gil?

Notes: I originally wrote this for the prompt "Ornaments" in an alphabetical Christmas prompt list my friends and I did in 2017--(it was going to be part of a group of Christmas fics we all wrote for different fandoms. Some of the people in that group hadn't read PH, so that's why this fic has some explanations for who the characters are). Then I posted it for Pandora Hearts Month 2018 for the Golden Trio Prompt: Friendship. I hope you like it! I would really appreciate it if you could reblog and/or leave a comment to let me know if you enjoyed it!

*

“You’re the tallest, Gil, you should put the star on top!”

“Ooh! It looks yummy! Like a big cookie!”

“It’s not a cookie, Stupid Rabbit!”

It was a few days before Christmas, and the trio was at the Rainsworth manor. Finally, everything was ready for the holiday; a fire was dancing in its place, the stockings were all lined up on the mantle, and they had just put the finishing touches on the tree. The only one who hadn’t been informed about the festive season, was the sky outside; it had been raining for the past few weeks. There was a chill in the air, it was frosty, but snow hadn’t quite come yet. Still, they made the most of their time indoors.

“Perfect!” Oz exclaimed.

Oz Vessalius was the fifteen-year-old heir to the Vessalius dukedom, but after his escape from the Abyss that year, when he wasn’t off on adventures, and missions, he spent most of his time at the Rainsworth’s.

“It’s so pretty, Onii-chan!”

On account of the ten-year gap, Oz’s sister, Ada, was older than Oz now, but, no matter what, she would never stop seeing him as her older brother. She was on Christmas break from Lutwidge Academy, and more than happy to spend it at the Rainsworths, with her brother. She had, of course, brought her two cats—Snowdrop and Kitty—with her, (which Gilbert maintained a healthy distance from, due to his phobia of cats).

“The Rainsworths will have the best-decorated tree in town!”

Oscar, their uncle, was spending the afternoon with his niece and nephew too. He was a bearded, bespectacled man, with the same blonde hair and green eyes as the rest of his family. At the moment, he was sitting on one of the couches, with a cup what he called ‘tea’, but which the rest of them guessed probably had something stronger in it.

“I can’t take all the credit, Gil and Alice helped a little,” Oz joked.

“‘A little!’”

Gilbert was Oz’s servant; a dark-haired man, who often appeared cold and reserved, but who was rather sensitive, and a worrywart. He still sometimes acted as though they were only a year apart in age too, despite the fact that he was now ten years older than his master.

“Yeah, manservant!” Alice challenged, “More like we did all the work!”

“I was just teasing!”

“Well,” Sharon had a way of returning things to order with her calm and proper words, “you all did a wonderful job.”

Sharon was the heiress to the Rainsworth dukedom, and looked like a thirteen-year-old girl, though was really in her twenties or thirties—(they knew better than to ask her exact age). Her chestnut hair was usually tied back into a kind of half-ponytail, and, as always, she outmatched them all on style points; today it was with a dress of a wintery blue that looked as if she was trying to encourage the snow to fall. As per usual, she held a cup of tea in one hand—peppermint, she had informed them, for the Christmas season—and a pastry in the other. She was sitting at a small round table on the other side of the room, with Reim—duke Barma’s bespectacled, hard working, servant, who spent more time at the Rainsworth’s than anywhere else, with his two best friends—Sharon and Break.

“Well, I’m beat,” Alice stretched and yawned, “Seaweed-head, when are you going to make me some meat?”

Most Chains (creatures from the Abyss) didn’t look like Alice did; like a fourteen-year-old girl, with floor length brown hair, and an almost cat-like physique—(though it was a giant rabbit she often turned into). Also unlike other illegally contracted Chains, she did not have a thirst for human blood, although she did have a particular love for meat, as well as almost anything edible.

“I suppose I can make you something, now that we’ve finished,” Gil sighed.

“Oh? Have you now?” they turned to see Sharon’s servant, Xerxes Break, grinning as he poured himself another cup of tea. “Are you sure nothing’s…” he leaned back against the table, “missing?”

Break was a red-eyed, white-haired man, also much older than he looked. Even those close to him would say he was a bit of an acquired taste; his love for teasing, the creepy doll on his shoulder, and his general lack of regard for other people and their feelings, made it difficult for those subject to his mischiefs—such as Gilbert—to acquire any kind of affection for him.

Gilbert froze, turning his head slowly to the tree. His eyes immediately found the empty space where a certain ornament had been.

“Break!” he shouted, spinning back to him, “Must you do this every year?!”

“Let an old man have his fun.” Break grinned.

“I believe he must, Gilbert-sama,” Sharon answered Gilbert’s question, nonchalantly taking a sip of tea before continuing, “It has become something of a tradition.”

“I should have spent Christmas with he Nightrays this year,” Gilbert grumbled, reluctance in his motions as he began to pick up books, and other objects around the room, as if searching.

“You’re so mean,” Break chided playfully, then spoke a little more seriously, knowing Gilbert had no intentions of spending much time with his adoptive family, and real brother, “You’d rather spend Christmas with the sewer rat, than us?”

Gil gave him a death glare.

“Sorry…but what’s a tradition?” Oz asked, turning to Sharon and Break.

He wouldn’t admit it, but sometimes, especially with things like this, the ten-year gap could make Oz feel like an outsider.

“Every year Break takes Gilbert-sama’s favorite ornament,” Sharon explained, “And hides it somewhere in the manor.”

“Ooh! That sounds like fun!”

“It’s not fun, Oz!” Gilbert hollered at his master, “It’s a waste of a perfectly good afternoon! Not to mention annoying, and rude!”

Break laughed. Gil had yet to learn his outrageous reactions were what made this sort of thing so fun for the prankster.

“Don’t worry, Gil!” Ada bounded up to him, “I’ll help you look!”

Gilbert flushed, “T-Thank you.”

“What does it look like, Gil?”

He looked at Oz, then turned back to Ada, and explained it quietly enough that only she could hear.

She nodded, beaming, and began to look in a different part of the room.

“What’s the matter, Gil?”—Gil gasped as his master appeared suddenly at his other side—“You don’t want me to know what it is?” Oz’s laugh faded into a more puzzled expression when Gil averted his eyes, turning redder.

“It’s a secret, Onii-chan!” Ada answered for him, “You’ll see when we find it!”

He didn’t get the chance to ask anything more, because Alice broke in, having been observing all their interactions,

“Does…Does this mean I won’t get my meat?”

“Uh huh,” Gilbert sighed, “That’s exactly what it means.”

“No! I will not allow it!” Alice shook her head, and whirled around on Break, pointing at him in an accusatory manner, “Clown! Return Seaweed-head’s stupid ornament his instant!”

“It’s not stupid, Stupid Rabbit!”

“Aren’t you a spoilsport?” The Mad Hatter teased, then the doll on his shoulder, Emily, finished,

“Why should I listen to some dumb bunny?”

Alice growled, her hands clenching into fists. She spun to Gilbert, declaring as she ran up to him,“Then I won’t rest until I find that ornament! With the great Alice-sama on your side, you cannot fail!”

“Sure you won’t just get in the way?”

She kicked him in the shin, crossing her arms, “You’d be lost without me, Seaweed-head.”

“Don’t kick me, Stupid rabbit!” he rubbed his leg, “Now go look for it over there!” he stamped his injured foot back down and pointed to the opposite corner of the room, (to which she quickly ran, proceeding to tear her designated space apart in a matter of seconds.)

“Is this ornament really all that important, Gil? I mean, we have lots of—”

“Yes!” he answered before his master could finish, “it is!”

Oz sighed, knowing how attached his servant could get to things, “Alright. So…is us helping against the rules?” he asked, watching Alice destroy the room in search of it, Ada calmly remove things, and put them back where they were meant to go, and Gil as a mix of the two.

“Don’t you think we would have stopped them if it was, Oz-kun?”

Sharon shook her head, “It doesn’t matter who finds it, watching him search is the fun part.” Her mischievous side was showing; most of the time she was this prim and proper lady, but being close to Break had its effects.

“That’s right; the more people searching, the funnier it is when they can’t find it,” Break sang. “Though, tell me, Ojousama,” he turned to his mistress “are you merely saying that because you wagered he’d find it early—before 18:00?” he asked knowingly, sitting up on the table—(Reim gave him a look that could only be interpreted as: can-you act-any-less-like-a-servant?)

They turned to the clock—it was 15:00.

“Why do you want to know, Break?” his mistress asked with a tone of false interest, “Are you afraid your skills as a prankster have gone down with age?” she patted her mouth innocently with a napkin.

“What do you take me for, Ojousama?” he smirked, crossing his legs, narrowing his eyes at Gilbert, “He’ll need all the help he can get.”

Gilbert returned to him an even more murderous look.

“You… betted on this?”

“All part of the tradition, Oz-kun,” Break mentioned, stealing a mini pastry from Reim’s plate—(the incense was more than evident on Reim’s face, and probably why Break did it).

“It’s not money we wagered, though; If I win, Break has to swear off sweets over Christmas—as well as make me a lavish dessert full of those sweet things he can’t have. And if Break wins, I have to buy him an equally lavish amount of extra Christmas candy and sweets.”

“Nice! Break, I didn’t know you could bake!”

“He really can’t,” Sharon chuckled, “But it’s fun to see what he comes up with.”

Break glared at her.

“So… is this how you bet every year?”

“Sometimes it’s different. But it’s usually something to the effect of giving Break a taste of his own medicine…Though I seem to recall one year, I wanted Break to do this dance I had heard of in a book, if he lost. I believe it was called ‘Futterwacken.’”

“That’s a weird name for a dance!” Oz laughed, “So? How did that go?

“I suppose it is,” she smiled, “That was one of the tamer punishments, but, when he did lose, he refused—rather blatantly.”

“Really?!” he turned to Break.

“How many times must I tell you? I have no talent for dancing.”

“Truly, as a servant of the Rainsworth Dukedom, it would be better fitting that you learned,” she shook her head, then turned back to Oz, “Anyway, after that, we thought the chance to take away his candy was rather enjoyable.”

“Aw, I want to join the bet!”

Gilbert looked affronted, but before he could speak, Oz continued, boyish excitement simmering in his tone,

“Say, what if, if Break loses, I get to eat his candy instead?!”

Sharon and Break glanced at each other.

“Let me ask you something, Oz-kun;” Break set down his tea, “Are you willing to risk the consequences of such a wager?”

“Ehh…consequences?”

“Why of course. I couldn’t give little Oz-kun the chance of stealing my candy without the proper torment in store if he lost.”

“Eh…” Oz knew just how mean Break could get, and that this could very well turn into a prank war that ended in actual blood, “I think I’ll pass.”

“I always said you were smarter than you looked,” the Mad Hatter picked up his tea again.

“Maybe you could join in by helping me look, instead of encouraging them, Oz!” Gilbert whirled on him.

“Aww, do I have to?” the fifteen-year-old groaned.

“Oz!”

Oz turned to the masterminds, as if silently asking for them to give him an excuse not to.

“Hey, Oz-kun is sharp,” Break began, then Emily added,

“Probably smarter than these three put together!”

—two of the aforementioned three gave him what can only be described as ‘fight-me’ faces, and Ada looked disheartened—Break took no notice, and finished,

“So that depends; whose side are you on?”

“Well,” Oz thought for a moment, then mused, grinning, “it would be fun to see Break trying to swear of candy!”

“Is that so?” Break’s eye narrowed.

“In any case, why isn’t Reim-san helping?” he shifted the focus. “You’re not the kind of person to sit back while others are in trouble”

Reim sighed, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “While that may be true, these two are often harsher with me, than others. If I help you, I have a feeling I shall pay for it in some way later,” he shot them an icy look, “dearly.”

“Whatever do you mean, Reim-san?” Sharon asked innocently. “We thought you enjoyed our company.”

“Yeah, it’s only because you’re our favorite, Reim-san,” Break gave a fake sappy voice.

“Then pick a new favorite!”

“That’s not how it works! You have a lifetime guarantee!”

“Sharon,” it was Ada who spoke. She had been focused on searching on the mantelpiece, and inside the stockings, “Why are there nine stockings?”

“What do you mean, Ada?” Oz asked, stepping over to her.

“Well, I was just thinking; there’s me, Onii-chan, Uncle, and Alice,”—Alice looked annoyed at Ada mentioning her name—“since we’re staying here for Christmas,” she pointed at each of the stockings in turn, “and these belong to Sharon-sama, Break, Duchess Rainsworth-sama, and Reim-san, right? But who does this last one belong to?” she held the bottom of the last one, careful not to pull it off the mantle.

They turned to Break and Sharon, who glanced at each other, their mischievous grins fading into more somber, reminiscent expressions.

“It was Break’s idea,” Sharon answered.

“Well, I can’t take all the credit—“

“It’s for my mother…That has become something of a tradition as well. We just thought it would be nice, to have something to remember her by during the Christmas season.”

The tone in the room quieted; the rest of them knew that Shelly was Sharon’s mother, who had died sometime after Oz’s coming of age ceremony.

“That’s…actually really sweet,” Oz noted, “Break, I’m surprised you thought of it!”

“You think you’re cute, don’t you? And you say that like I’m cruel.”

“Well…” Oz rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously, trying to formulate a non- insulting answer in his mind.

“I think what Oz is trying to say,” Reim started out gently, then finished harshly, “Is that it’s high time you realized you can be a jerk, Xerxes!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say jerk’…” Oz began.

“I would,” Gil mumbled.

“My…I cant believe that you all….” Break began softly, then Emily jeered,

“Just figured that out now!”

The anger was evident on all of their faces.

“Really, why are you all ganging up on me,” Break grinned, without a hint of hurt in his voice, “when you should be focusing on the task at hand?”

“Because it’s your fault we’re in this mess!” Gilbert shouted, then ran his hand frustratedly through his hair, observing the mess they had made of the room, before demanding, “Is it in this room?!”

“Given up already, have you?” Emily teased.

Gilbert clenched his hands into fists, biting back a retort.

“Did anyone see him leave the room?!”

Everyone looked at Gilbert blankly, or up at the ceiling, trying to think if they had, realizing they had no idea, and knew full well Sharon could have used Eques to transport him when their backs were turned anyways. Gilbert put his hands on his hips, sighing at their silence “Alright. We have a whole manor to look through, it’s best we move on from this room,” he paused, turning again to Break, with malice in his eyes, “Right?”

“Sure, kiddo!” Emily replied, and he gave the fakest grin yet.

Gilbert gritted his teeth, then shook his head, directing them,

“Let’s split up; Ada, you go down the left hall, Stupid Rabbit, you take the right. I’ll go downstairs.”

“I won’t let you down, Seaweed-Head!” Alice sped down the hall, not even searching, as if she had forgotten the task she’d been given.

Ada nodded, “Come on, Snowdrop, Kitty!” she called to her cats.

Oz sighed, “Alright, fine. I’ll help too.”

Gilbert smiled, about to thank him, when Oz added,

“But I expect to be rewarded for my troubles!”

His servant rolled his eyes.

“I kinda need to know what it looks like, though, don’t I, Gil? You seemed to want to keep it a secret earlier.”

“You’ll…um….You’ll know it when you see it,” Gilbert looked anywhere but at his master.

Oz sighed, putting his hands on his hips, “Really? That kinda makes things harder, you know.”

“Oh, not up to the challenge, are you Oz-kun?” Break goaded.

“No, no, I can do it! I just feel like we’re not addressing a key part of the puzzle here!”

With that Gilbert pulled him out of the room and into the search.

Gilbert was right; it did seem like a bit of a waste of an afternoon; exhausting wasn’t the only word that came to mind after rifling through each room one by one, with no clue as to where it might be. Especially because the feeling began growing in them that Gilbert was way too attached to things, as well as that Break was, indeed, a jerk. They didn’t know how much time had passed before they met up again in the hall, everyone hanging their heads in shame and disappointment.

“What should we do?” Ada asked quietly.

“We can’t let the clowny bastard win!” Alice slammed a fist into her other palm to emphasize her point.

“That’s right!” Gilbert agreed, “For years I had to put up with his constant teasing, it’s high time we got him back!”

“I don’t think losing the bet is really going to make him stop. I mean, he’s lost before, right?”

“You don’t have to be so blunt about it!” Gilbert complained.

“Sorry,” Oz shrugged.

In the moment of silence that followed, Ada’s cat started rubbing against Oz’s leg, as if trying to comfort him.

“What do you think, Snowdrop?” Oz asked jokingly, picking up his sister’s cat, (Gilbert eyed it, a whine developing in his throat, scooching away), “Do you have any idea where it is?”

Oz gasped.

“What is it, Onii-chan?”

Tied into the cat’s collar was a ribbon, attached to a little ornament. He pulled it free and placed the cat on the floor (it meowed and padded away).

The other three gasped in turn, leaning in to get a better look at it.

“That bastard!” Gilbert slammed his fist into the wall behind him. “He knew I wouldn’t go near your cats!”

“Yeah,” Oz laughed, “leave it to Break to take the cheap shot.”

“What are we waiting for?!” Alice demanded, “Didn’t I just say we can’t let the clowny bastard win!”

“You’re right!” the others said together, and bolted down the hall.

“We found it!” Oz held the ornament high, like a trophy, as they burst through the door.

At the same moment that he held up the evidence, the hour chimed.

They each glanced at each other, then at the clock, which read exactly 18:00.

“My, my, isn’t this an interesting turn of events?” Break remarked, stretching, “It looks like it’s a tie, Ojousama.”

“It would appear,” Sharon smiled “In that case, would you please excuse me for a moment?” she gathered her dress and hurried out of the room.

“So, which one of you found it?” Break asked, walking over to them.

“I did.”

The prankster smirked, “What did I tell you?” he ruffled Oz’s hair, “Oz-kun’s sharp.”

“So… what does that mean about your wagers?” Oz tried to put his hair right. “Since you tied?”

“Just a moment Oz-kun,” he put his hand on Oz’s head, his sleeve falling over his eyes, and looked over their heads

Sharon quickly did return, a little out of breath, holding a small package wrapped in a ribbon.

“Here you are, Break!” she held it out for him.

He took it from her and unwrapped it, opening the little red box to reveal that it was filled with the the candy she had promised.

“Just the thing I needed” he patted her head, unwrapping a piece and tossing it into his mouth. “Better luck next time, Ojousama,”

Oz and Alice stared at him, open-mouthed, dumbstruck that he had beat them.

“Now I suppose I should get started on that dessert of yours,” he waited until the proper moment to add.

“Please do.”

“Huh?” Oz and Alice asked simultaneously.

“Since we tied,” Sharon spoke, as they both turned to them, “we both win.”

“So…does that mean the clown still has to swear off candy?” Alice asked hopefully.

“No—Unfortunately,” Sharon added, glancing at her servant, who rolled his eyes, eating another piece, “We both get the rewards of the wager, but no one gets the punishment.”

“More in the Christmas spirit, wouldn’t you agree, Ojousama?” he said between candy crunches.

“Since when do you care about ‘Christmas spirit’?!” Gilbert demanded.

“Better luck next year, I guess,” Oz tried to put a positive spin on it.

“Next year?!” Alice fumed, “I want to settle this now!” (Gilbert held Alice by the neck of her jacket.)

“Believe me,” Reim grunted, eyeing Break, “it’ll only end worse for you,”

“Who knows?” Break shrugged, “There may not be a next year, Oz-kun.”

Alice continued to seethe while the others glanced at each other, unsure of how to respond to such a statement.

“There you go again,” Reim scolded. “You can’t just mention something like that!”

Break dismissed him with a wave of his hand, chuckling to himself, and muttering something about his uptightness, as he made his way down the hall to the kitchens.

After Break left, Oz looked down at his hand, opening his fingers to reveal the little clay, painted oddity he was still holding. Alice came behind him and looked over his shoulder at it.

“What…is it?”

“You didn’t know what you were looking for?!” Gilbert questioned.

“Because you never told me, Seaweed-head!”

Gilbert looked away, clearly wanting to bite back, but without argument with which to do so.

Oz shook his head, staring at it. It was rather crudely made, ineptly painted. But he couldn’t mistake it for anything else—and Gil had been right, he did know it when he saw it.

Because he was the one who made it.

“I can’t believe you kept this, Gil.”

Gilbert looked away, nodding and turning red.

Now he understood why Gilbert was so intent on getting it back. This ornament had probably become a symbol to Gilbert—much like Shelly’s stocking on the mantelpiece was for Break and Sharon—for Oz himself. This ornament, through the years, had probably become tied to his faithful valet’s unending hope that his master would come back. Each year Break took it, as if teasing that perhaps he wouldn’t (and, maybe this was his roundabout way of him trying to prepare him for that), but Gilbert always got it back, as if displaying that he would never lose that hope.

“Oy! What is it?!” Alice demanded again, upset her ‘manservant’ wasn’t focusing all his attention on her.

“It’s a bird, Alice,” Oz answered simply.

“Really, how do you figure?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t look very good does it?” Oz laughed.

“Seaweed-head, why would a crappy ornament like this be your favorite?”

“Oy! You don’t see me criticizing your bad taste!”

“Bad taste?! I have impeccable taste! I eat meat every day!”

“That’s not what—”

“Its because I made it for him,” Oz answered her question quietly.

“You?” Alice laughed, slapping him on the back, “You have pretty poor skills, Oz.”

“Give me a break! I was a kid!”

Oscar laughed, walking up to them, “You’re still a kid, Oz. Yes…I can’t remember how old he was, but he made me, Ada, and Gilbert ornaments,” he laughed a little, putting his arm around Gilbert, “I remember how offended Gil was at his master making him a gift.”

“Yeah,” Oz laughed, they all looked up at Gil, who got steadily redder the more they spoke, “We had to force him to accept it.”

“Why are you surprised he kept his, Onii-chan?” Ada asked, “Uncle and I kept ours. They’re back at the Vessalius manor. But! we could bring them over here if you want!”

“That’s okay, I believe you! Still… Like Alice said, they don’t look very good.”

“But, like you said, you were the one who made them for us,” Oscar ruffled his nephew’s hair.

“What were the ornaments you made for them, Oz?” Alice asked.

“Well, I made Ada a little cat, and uncle Oscar a camera. I didn’t really know what Gil liked, so I just made him a bird. Funny, how your chain is Raven now.”

“How come you haven’t made me one, Manservant?!” Alice hit Oz on the head.

“Hey! I’ve been busy!” he rubbed the spot where she hit him.

“In any case,” Alice turned to Gilbert, jumping quickly to the next subject, “now you can make my meat, Seaweed-head!”

“Break’s using the kitchen, Stupid Rabbit!”

“Then let’s go to the market! I’m starving!”

Gilbert sighed into his hand, “Fine. Let me get my hat and coat.”

“Can I come with you guys?” Ada asked—Alice looked peeved, but Gil and Oz had already welcomed her.

“I’ll go check if Break needs anything!” Oz ran off towards the kitchen.

As Oz arrived, he saw that Break had changed out of his white coat and purple shirt into more casual closing—likely so he wouldn’t ruin his normal outfit. He had rolled up the sleeves, and was wearing a pink apron Gil sometimes wore when he cooked for them here, but which probably belonged to Sharon’s grandmother, or mother. He had already begun to make a mess of things; flour was all over the counter, chocolate was on the walls, somehow there were even ingredients in in his hair.

“You need some help?” Oz asked, half-jokingly.

Break looked up.

“Oz-kun,” he noted, then grinned, “You? Help me? Gotten bored of Gilbert-kun, and Alice-kun already?”

“Nah. I just wanted to know if you needed anything. We’re going to the store.”

Oz knew that Break could have asked for help from the staff, or Gilbert, but Sharon called him ‘Mr. One-Man-Show’ for a reason; sure, it might not taste or look all that good, but at least he would have made it himself.

“You really think I wouldn’t have come prepared?”

“But, if you won, you wouldn’t have to make—”

Oz gasped. Realizing something:

They both had bought the supplies ahead of time. Oz thought one of them would have to go to the store, depending on who won the bet, (perhaps dragging the other begrudgingly along), but they both had already bought the necessary ingredients. Which meant, either the food one of them bought would go to waste, or be used in some other way, or, regardless of who won or lost, they still intended to give each other the gifts.

“You already had the ingredients,” Oz thought out loud. “and Sharon-chan already had your candy...”

“So?”

“I would have thought one of you would have to go to the store, depending on who won.”

“What’s your point, Oz-kun?” Break pushed his hair back.

Oz shook his head, grinning like he now had some secret information. “Break, you really are a nice guy, aren’t you?”

Break put his hand on the table, turning to him, “Wipe that cheeky grin off your face before I do it for you.”

Oz put his hands behind his back, sauntering closer.

“Oh, nothing,” he whistled, “Just that, well, you do this every year, don’t you? Sharon likes to give you a taste of your own medicine if you lose, but you both use this an excuse to give each other extra gifts, don’t you? I bet it was your idea in the first place.”

“How do you know we weren’t planning to use the supplies in some other way?”

“Because you’re not considerate enough to let others use your stuff,” he grinned, “Didn’t you just say there would be punishment in store if I got your candy?”

“Well,” he smirked at Oz’s discovery, twirling the spoon in his hand, “‘nice’ would be stretching it. But maybe occasionally I’m not a complete ‘jerk.’”

Oz grinned. That was all the confirmation he needed.

As if he were brandishing a sword, Break flicked chocolate on Oz’s face with the spoon, “Now get out of here.”

Oz rolled his eyes.

“Good luck, Break!”

With that he exited the room, and ran to the front door to catch up with Gil, Ada, and Alice, who were gathered there, waiting for him.

“Break doesn’t need anything!” he called to them, “Let’s go!”

At first it may have seemed like a waste of time, but, in the end, Oz realized; an afternoon playing a game, learning that after ten years Gil had still cherished the small gift he had once been reluctant to accept, seeing how Sharon and Break found ways to bring each other joy, spending time with his friends, spending time with his real family, would never be a waste of an afternoon for him.

[purple-ktj]

Asks Compilation Pt. 3

1. I was wondering if you were getting a lot of questions about other Tae/Jin ships. Especially since your account got reported. If they are Taejinnies having doubt, I wish they would step back and look at the moments in a different perspective. Most likely you'll find that the other half of said ship behaves the same with the other 6 members. Or wouldn't find significant difference. I feel like many Taejinnies love the idea of Taejin they have in their head rather than a real love for their bond.

I do, occasionally. And I answered a few before so I stopped answering repetitive ones. Some are Taejinnies, some are not, and I agree with you. Taejin is something I personally can’t unsee, conversely I have problems doubting them. So if someone is having extensive doubts about them I would suggest taking a step back too. Also, I don’t quite see Taejin as a ship but rather two individuals in an actual romantic relationship. I ship the other members for fun and because they’re undeniably cute. Your last statement holds true for Taejinnies who drop them the moment other ships get loud, and there’s really nothing wrong with that, it’s totally fine to ship them casually, for fun. I sort of understand why people drop them, just shipping Taejin without seeing their bond isn’t exactly fun, it’s a whole headache because Taejin doesn’t behave like normal ships do. The only problem is receiving asks like the next one.

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2. I wonder how long it will take u to start doubting tj,even a bit. And I’m saying this w/o any ill intention,cuz I used to be a taejinnie back in 17-18. Slowly,my mind started“defogging”and I understood that there are different types of friendship. Tj grew up tgthr,got as close as Namgi did,but just because 2 men confess their love for eo doesnt mean they are in a rel. The proof we think we have is just our mind as shippers confusing us. But you will understand this at your own pace,I'm certain.

There’s nothing to understand from your ask, and I’m not confused at all. If you thoroughly read my entire blog and understood what I’ve written, I’m very sure you will not have submitted this ask at all. You sound like the confused one instead, having been a Taejinnie in 2017-2018 and coming to the conclusion that they’re just friends. I’m not sure you will ever understand but that’s fine as well. If you’re not a Taejinnie any longer I honestly don’t know why you’re here. I’m sure you have better things to do? Move along?

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3. Tae stroking Jin's chin because he finds him adorable. And he is doing it all the time now. It's just interesting how he babies Jin who is three years older. All the manhandling, protectiveness, and teasing. It's just funny how often Tae slips us using informal speech with Jin but then calls out other members when they don't use formal speech with Jin. Tae considers himself as an equal to Jin. The age hierarchy was thrown out of the window I guess. 😆

Oh yes. He manhandles Jin A LOT. And he gets away with it every single time. Far from minding, Jin actually loves it, he’s pretty obvious about it too. They love to be babied by each other in different ways. I was just discussing this via DM with another Taejinnie previously, in Korean standards it would probably be considered rude but they’re totally fine because like you said, their intimacy throws the age hierarchy out the window. Even with Jin’s lax standards being the eldest hyung, there are still certain things the other members don’t do to him. Except Tae of course.

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4. Hiyaa! Since there is a limit imma just get straight to it lol. So i was never one to believe theories about members being secretly together during vlive but ive seen a lot of taejinnies speculate that seokjin is the one filming taehyung’s vlive where he introduces tannie and i was rlly curious and would love to know ur opinion on this? i recently rewatched it and i didnt rlly notice anything out of the ordinary :) thanks in advance!

Hmmm I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary either. I only suspect Tae was the one filming Jin’s vlives during his birthday and the time he played maple story, but besides that I don’t see anything off with the one you mentioned? Not that I’d know for sure, but it doesn’t seem suspicious for me.

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5. After reading your new post, I believe I have a better understanding of Taejin's dynamics now! Thank you! No wonder Jin likes to tease Tae so much. Tae has matured a lot. And he doesn't show his shy, wide eyed reactions as much as before. Jin clearly knows the effect he has on Tae before and now. I like to believe that he teases Tae to catch a glimpse of that expression on him. Might be missing it too. Maybe I'm reading too into it, but just a thought! 😆

Thank you for reading! Tae has indeed matured a lot, exponentially in end 2019 if I may add. His obvious crush transition was very interesting to watch. I don’t doubt it, he loves it when Tae goes feral with him, teasing him to get a reaction out of him. And interestingly enough, Tae never fails to react whenever he finds Jin being cute or extra hot, whether it's something as simple as an uncontrollable grin, or tackling him to the ground. More often than not he’s always holding himself back. It’s really adorable.

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6. The way today's Bangtan bomb perfectly showed Taejin's dynamics. Jin was smooth with that pick up line. The way his voice changed. Phew. And of course Tae knows Jin. He completely enjoyed teasing his hyung. Seriously tho, Jin's voice changes quite often when is speaking something like this to Tae. It will be in his loud, joking tone first. But then it comes down to a soft, tender tone. I have noticed it so many times and I can't get enough of it.

That voice change is one thing, the other thing I can’t get over is how Tae froze for a second when Jin touched his chin with that feather light touch. He wouldn’t react that way if it was any other members doing it to him. But yes I agree his voice gets super tender with Tae alone I got all soft watching it.

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7.You must be getting quite a no of asks about other Tae/Jin ships. It must be hard to deal with it. Plus Taejinnies who are still very doubtful about their relationship. It must be tiring for you. But thank you for giving us beautiful posts about Taejin. I really appreciate it.

I do, and thank you, I really do appreciate people who take the time to read the whole load of stuff I wrote too, it makes doing this worthwhile.

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8. You did such a great job on compiling this post! May I also add Jin's request for I love you when Tae msgd him asking to borrow the dryer? It happened in 2014. And Tae didn't reply on the chat. Instead he posted '.... I love you' on Twitter. Which ARMY thought was for them. The post didn't have anything indicating that it's Tae. But he tweeted at the same time Jin asked for it. Which is why I believe Jin later on posted the screenshot. They were flirting in front of everyone.

Thank you :) yes I remember that! It probably was them flirting in front of everyone. Thanks for reminding me about that moment, there’s simply too many I couldn’t archive everything and include in the post.

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9. Thank you working so hard for this absolutely wonderful post. I knew about all these moments. But to see it put into a timeline, gave me a whole new perspective. Their relationship is indeed reminiscent of one we see in real life. The beginning of feelings, figuring it out and taking the courage to start a relationship in their country and in the limelight, under the microscopic eyes of millions of fans. The ups and downs. Their unrivaled chemistry during interactions. This is what attracted me to Taejin and subsequently made me a believer. Honestly though the number of selcas. :( Hear we are, wishing for once every year. Sigh. Almost all their selcas scream boyfriends! Giving themselves the name 'bwin'. No wonder they were the first ship. Let me just rant about a few moments here. I hope you don't mind.Blanket Kiss. I know many shippers comfort themselves saying it's just camera angle. Yeah. They didn't kiss on the lips. But do they not see how close that was? And Jin puckered his lips and closed his eyes leaning in? Tae bringing him in and turning his head towards Jin's cheeks? The snoopy shirt incident is a dead giveaway. Jin really asked that. Phew. Fetus Jin was so confident. No wonder Tae was getting so flustered around him. The half naked photo. And Jin's crimson red ears. It's soooo red. I was so surprised when I saw that pic. Jin actually allowed to post that pic? But like you said, the hashtag doesn't seem to match. Confused me too. It's what Jin would say to Tae? Plus the 'come here' and 'dont get too excited because it's your birthday'. Excited for what??? 😭 Soo many questionable moments. And this is not even 10% of it.

Agreed, I myself learned quite a few new things while assembling the timeline, we knew all those moments but to be put in chronological order does hit differently. Like that moment in the Gayo episode which was filmed and aired at different timings- it made a lot more sense to me when organized in the right period of time. No problem, I’m up for discussing Taejin’s dynamics anytime. I wondered about how different it would feel to be a Taejinnie back in 2014, and watch their relationship grow. It isn’t just blanket kick, Taejin is the pair most associated with “angle of rotation” 😂 For Taejin to trust each other to come that close in the first place says a lot, it doesn’t matter whether they kissed or not (something which no one can tell honestly). Jin was more liberal with his flirting back then, and I think flirty Jin is kind of back? He flirts more frequently now although it’s much more subtle and mature type of flirting! When you put it that way, 2014 Taejin had so many more questionable moments and they weren’t even an item yet (probably), fascinating.

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10. Your recent post was the best I have ever read. Such an amazing read! I agree with everything. You touched up on all the important milestones in their relationship. No wonder this took you so long. But I'm ever so grateful you did. Thank you. IMO, old Taejinnies thought there was a drought because of the drastic difference in their interactions rather than complete lack of interactions..? Totally going to recommend this post to my fellow Taejinnies. I'm sure they would love it!

It gave me a super huge headache so I’m really glad it turned out well. Again, thanks for reading (because I know there’s a lot of people who don’t, based on their asks) I really really appreciate it. Yes! You summarized it really nicely. Also back then older Taejinnies can see that Tae had a huge crush on Jin but it hadn’t developed yet, plus they probably wouldn’t have known it’d actually become something more I guess. It must have been really confusing, seeing confident flirty Jin become more reserved with his affections while Tae was the opposite. Aha I hope they had a good read too.

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11. The dimple TaeJin moment, Jin jerked back late. Jerking back due to sudden proximity with something or someone is a reflex, one which would happen immediately. However, Jin jerked back late, almost like he was used to the proximity. I think he realized that they were on stage, performing in front of an audience with the cameras rolling and Tae just pulled a stunt so now he had to act all surprised. That, or I am just delusional. Love you, bye~

It’s quite obvious that his reaction was really as you mentioned. He’s probably used to being held by Tae, it takes a moment for him to react and fake his surprise- either for fun or simply for the sake of reacting.

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12. What do things to you co-relate to TaeJin? The relationship aesthetic, I mean. Is it sweet and cuddly things or bolder things? Some would say hugs, some would movies, some would say other things and so on. What things do you relate to them? I would like to know your thoughts.

What a tricky and unique question lol. Thrilling? It’s really thrilling to watch them, they never behave the way people expect. They strike boldest at the moment you least expect it. When they build up the suspense but then do nothing and frustrate Taejinnies. But they’re also so sweet, romantic, subtle and cuddly. They behave like a couple but sometimes act like they’re not close. And more often than not crazy flirty. BUT a lot of people don’t notice it. Can I say Taejin is a whole K-drama?

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13. hey i love your blog! i just wanted to know what are yur views on the jinkook selfie? yes, i know he was shirtless... but aren't friends/brothers allowed to be shirtless around each other? because of this one pic everyone is assuming that jinkook is real😂i have even seen some taejinnies post things like omg jinkook is real do they have that less faith is taejin? because i know for a fact that if it was tae who jin had taken that picture with... he wouldnt of posted it.... what do you think? 

14. have you seen the pics jin uploaded on twt? so many taejinnies are freaking out saying they're not real. i think it's important to remember that taejin are very personal and we will NEVER get pictures like that for obvious reasons. just my thoughts. wanted to know yours on this situation!

Answering for 13 & 14. We don’t even get a regular Taejin selca anymore… to hope for a naked Taejin selca would be asking for snow at the equator. I don’t have any thoughts or views on it, I love that Jinkook selca, Jin and JK are pretty much blood brothers, they love and tease each other and their bond is so cute and precious. It’s got no link to Taejin at all. Like you said, they’ve all probably seen each other naked before. If we could see his face I bet he was giggling while Jin took the photo.

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15. The Puma fansign in 2018 had a lot of moments no? When Jin asked what borahae means and Tae's reaction. The same day, Tae saying he wants fans to say I love you. And Jin saying Taehyung-ah, I love you in response. Tae getting shy and not saying anything back. Also Hobi's reaction to the whole thing. Ah. It was a good day.

Yes, that was a great fansign event. J-Hope was super pale when Taejin started flirting out of nowhere lol. Just to keep this blog running I may consider compiling their interactions by year and see how it transformed, just for fun. No promises though.

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16. Don't you think it's funny that Tae got called so many names by solo stans, for joking that diamond is brighter than Jin? I mean we are talking about the same person who asked the fans if their cameras can even catch Jin's beauty properly. 😆

This is why we can’t have nice things. What will we have if the boys can’t even tease and joke around?

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17. hey... i wanted to ask... what do you think about the "call me by your name" reference to taejin? do you believe that tae was really enacting those scenes in reality to show hes love for jin?.... or did we over analyze that?i have also noticed that alot of people are saying that taekook also has similarities to the movie.... so please tell me... what should i believe and what do you think?

Believe in what you think is right. I’ve already covered Taejin x CMBYN under this post, please read: https://purple-ktj.tumblr.com/post/613490131202129920/cmbyn-parallels

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18. We need a TaeJin unit song with scandalous and sultry but sincere and sweet lyrics right now. A lethal combination, indeed. We might not make it till the end of the track but we need it. How ironic, I tell you.

We’d take anything Taejin throw at us to be honest. Lol At this point I’m afraid asking for a subunit would be too much, but no harm hoping for one. I don’t mind, it’ll be a sweet, fast and painless death for us.

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19. TaeJin wilding on stage is a whole mood, an entire cultural reset and you cannot tell me otherwise. Sorry.

I have no intentions of telling you otherwise, though. Please shout this out to the whole world.

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20. That one time when Tae just stopped talking mid-sentence and short circuited because Jin's translucent mesh shirt was drooping too low, almost exposing his nipples. Yoongi had to shoo Tae away as an excuse to take off his black cloak because Tae's jaw was about to hit the floor on stage. Tae's baby-angel broke him. The way Jin got all flustered. Tae loves to see his baby flustered, doesn't he? [This isn't the only time. They both have short circuited due to each other on multiple occasions.]

I believe that was Hobi! And I don’t remember nipples but his mesh showed skin and Jin was super embarrassed about it. Tae gets flustered all the time, it’s only fair he flusters his Jinnie as well.

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21. I absolutely love Taejin hand kiss from ARMY zip. Tae's shyness. The kiss. Tae's wide smile. Cradling that hand. No one laughed. Tae looking to the side Jin went to even when Joon is speaking. Everyone following it up with a kiss of their own. Loud and jovial mood. Tae offering his other hand to Joon. I believe that the videos were taken acc to age but uploaded differently. Jin started the kiss sequence without anyone telling him to. Other shippers have different theories but what do you think?

Actually I’ve been wanting to talk about this for the longest time. So great chance, thanks for asking. The thing I think about most from this moment is when Tae wiped his hand after Jin kissed it (and he purposely kissed loudly so you could hear the lip smacking sound). So naturally I’d wonder why? Was he self-conscious? Embarrassed? Maybe. He’s usually so whipped and he was no different there, so I was wondering if Jin’s lips were wet and left some saliva on Tae’s hand which he maybe didn’t want people to see so he subconsciously wiped it? Sounds possible, no? Also, the other thing that stood out to me was how all the members were giggling when they kissed Tae and took turns teasing each other but it was drop dead silent when Jin kissed his hand. I think that was pretty telling. That’s my POV. Oh, and Joon didn’t kiss his hand, he bumped his nose on Tae’s hand.

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22. The first moment that made me question Taejin's bond was this one where Tae and Jin were backstage, about to go up. Tae was wearing a red beret, kept looking at Jin with a small secret smile. Jin turns to him and they bump fists. But after that Tae still kept looking. His expression throughout made me go '??' That was the start of my Taejin journey. 😆

Lovely moment! Great start to th eir journey, can never go wrong with their subtle moments. Tae has always looked at Jin and pays a lot of attention to him. He loves taking care of his favourite hyung.

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23. I want a TaeJin unit song with them harmonizing and just being them. The song should be like their relationship - bold, dark, sexy, sincere. All of that with an underlying hint of sweetness and assurance. The lyrics could be calm, sexy and sincere. Let the song be naughty. Let the song be nice. Let the song be them, just as is. Tae can be naughty. Jin can be nice. That suits them. What do you think their song should be like? I don't mean what they will put out, but what will suit them best.

Everything you said, bold, dark, sexy and seducing. I’m not sure why you sent me this lol I wished I was Bang PD and could give what you asked for.

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24. What do you think was the lowest and highest point in their relationship up until now?

Hmmm hard to say. I don’t know. My guess is around 2018, there was A LOT happening then. Look at the Fake Love era, some of the best jealousy moments were in this year, also the year they started LY tour. If I have time I’ll slowly compile their 2018 moments, just to show the ups and downs. As for their highest point, maybe now? End 2019 till present? I know many people think Tae is depressed and disconnected from the members after Festa and his lyric snippets, but I personally think otherwise. During this whole period he’s glowing and his happiness is really showing. It far outweighs the moments he looked down or upset. Second close is 2017, their honeymoon year. They had that lust filled dazed look most of the time.

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25. For all we know, we might all be clowns and TaeJin's relation is nothing but platonic, but I do not mind that. What they have is beautiful as is, be it romantic or platonic. They are going to have my support regardless, All of them are going to have my support regardless.

Hahaha I’ll gladly be a clown then. Yes, all I wish is to see them happy, regardless.

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26. It's interesting to see how Tae goes pliant and kind of dazed under Jin's attention. And Jin uses this tactic to disarm Tae in challenges. Just taking Tae's hand out of nowhere to do a high five challenge during Tae comeback live. Calling 'My Taehyung' and hugging Tae to place stickers on his back etc. Jin knows the effect he has on Tae and he uses it to tease Tae and get reactions out of him. But in other times, Tae calls him out on his BS because he knows Jin too well. So domestic.. 😌😌

Agreed. So domestic. I’ll never forget how in that Run episode Jin hugged him and he was calm enough to stand still, not knowing Jin really put stickers on his back. When he realised it he was a little pissy lol, he was all “Aish hyung, you seriously…” and then left. Tae calls him out on his BS and manhandles him. Of course, Jin loves it all.

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27. Is it only me or do Tae and Jin tend to gravitate towards each other when they are walking parallelly at a distance? They are walking side by side with quite some distance in between but just steadily shift to walk side by side closely.

They gravitate towards each other like magnets. They also heavily mirror each other.

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28. TaeJin's might just be the most beautiful love story I have ever witnessed. Beautiful. No fancy words. Just simply beautiful.

Accurate. Zero arguments.

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29. Many people I know don't take Jin's national TV confession seriously. I can try to understand them if he only said the words (even though it was on NATIONAL TV). But he kissed a heart piece. Got all wide eyed with a small shy smile like he couldn't believe he did that. Then looked down with the most beautiful smile when he couldn't control it. On top of that, he did it regardless of Tae saying not to. And suga saying most handsome face in the world is indeed different. How are people so blind?

I didn’t publish it but I had a non-Taejinnie angrily tell me “Don’t be delulu and learn Korean first, Jin was just telling him happy birthday, the love confession was scripted and Jin was told to say it.” So yeah, blind is an understatement? I don’t know what that angry anon was thinking but they really thought BH would force Jin to do something crazy like confess “I love you” on National TV where the whole SK is watching. Complete with kissing his paper hearts. It makes more sense that he himself wanted to do it and got permission from BH, and executed it because he wanted a special birthday event for Tae, but I suppose that’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s similar to the heart events he did for Army during their concerts because he himself wanted to. And the camera didn’t even capture the footage of him kissing the paper hearts, if it wasn’t caught by fancams we wouldn’t even know about it, his shy smile when he looked down because he got embarrassed as if he couldn’t believe he really did it. But continue being blind, I guess. Doesn’t change the fact it happened.

Since we’re on this topic, many people don’t take Taejin’s matching brown hoodies at the airport seriously either, even after learning about the Burn The Stage fight. It’s cute yes, but the significance is greatly diminished by people thinking it’s just cute. That moment was loud and clear as day and I want to emphasize, all of BTS has matching clothes at one point or another, but none of them matches as frequently and extensively as Taejin willingly does, consistently throughout the years till now. And the other moment being Taehyung’s confession where he said “I like Jin hyung the most.” He expressed it clearly and was very straightforward.

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30. His hand briskly crept up across the expanse of his chest. His breath hitched. Regardless of the cameras and crowd, he titled his head to the side, letting the other do as he pleased. Before things escalated, the dreaded look on their dear leader's face brought them back to reality. It was a slip, he reasoned with himself. They are humans; humans with reflexes and urges. They slip, too. [This really happened but is it only me or does it seem like it was pulled straight out of a fan fiction?]

LOL thanks for the fanfiction of my favourite ABO moment.

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31. We all are familiar with the infamous TaeJin bathtub photo. The one with Jin in the tub and Tae on the edge of it. My question is if the photo is an edit. It does not seem like one, but TaeJin, two people who almost never post individual or together photos of each other, suddenly post such an intimate photo? Be it platonic or romantic, the photo is pretty intimate. How do you have two people who never post pictures together or of each other individually post that? Unless, they were feeling bold.

I don’t know either. I don’t know if it was self taken, or it was by another member. I only know it's not an edit and it’s from JP fancafe. Besides that too little is known about that photo. Maybe they were really feeling bold? They love to surprise and do as they like after all.

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32. Honestly I think there's only a handful of people who know about taejin, meaning their closest families and bts, ofc. At times I wonder if their manager knows as well. Maybe he does, and some of the editors? At times I think they do need someone who is informed about this, to take out some of the moments when editing bv, or run. And the bngtn bomb noona. At the same time, if all these people know, how come no one talks? I'm surprised no one ever said anything. Maybe they're under some vow?

Everyone who comes into contact with BTS would have to sign an NDA. The boys are national treasures and are protected as such. They live in quite a homophobic and judgemental society, and with such a huge international fanbase, I really doubt people would believe their ex-staff or staff over the boys especially when they’ve done stuff like leak information before. Also BH is too big now, no one’s going to go around and talk carelessly.

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33. I feel upset that some new Taejinnies skipped the ship because of trivial reasons. But I also understand because Taejin is not easy to ship. They are not one dimensional. They have ups and downs. You need a lot of patience and a keen eye. People often gravitate towards ships who has 'loud' moments. Which is why we had an increase in number last year. They never step back and think about it. I personally believe that if Taejin is not real, I don't think any other ship in BTS has a chance.

My answer is the same as the one for question 1. I don't see Taejin as a ship, and it's not something people should or need to force themselves to see. If they can't, they should feel free to ship other ships instead. I think it's fine to casually ship, Taejin or not. They are very loud this year, a domestic kind of loud. People want So What and Pied Piper loud, not ‘Seokjin-ah I love you so much’ kind of loud.

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34. After seeing some Taejinnies' reaction when other ships have moments, I'm not sure I want a VLive. That's when they will be most candid. And if they don't behave the same way these people wants, I'm sure they're going to discredit their relationship even more. TJ is probably the only ship where even non shippers believe they're not as close. So if they behave oddly in some small way, people will talk about it again. And I don't want that.

I still want one, even knowing the chances are near zero. I want one just to see the drama unfold but I don’t want one because it’s their special brand, just like how secretive Taejin is with their photos of each other. (Selfish, I know) As much as it's annoying, I'd suggest just focusing on Taejin themselves instead of the shippers. Shippers come and go, their talk is irrelevant. But, regardless of what we wish for, Taejin themselves will do as they like instead of bending to people's wants. Taejin is taejin no matter who tries to discredit them, they love each other no matter what. It's what I love about them in the first place.

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35. Hello... I don’t want to sound selfish but sometimes I am glad that the Taejin community is small, because we get so many moments that I feel like the minute they have millions of eyes on them, they quiet down. Btw love your blog!

Thank you, I love the small community too! Less drama around.

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36. In the Festa unit interview, Taehyung stated that the aftermath of the dumpling incident inspired him to compose 4 o'clock. As a TaeJinnie, what's your take one this? Has it in anyway altered your perception of the song as a track directed towards TaeJin, alongside Jimin? We did speculate that it addressed both Jimin and Seokjin. Has your understanding of it changed after finding out that one bit of new information. Love your posts. Take care and stay happy!

Nope, it hasn't. My view remains the same. It is a fact that the song was inspired by Jimin, it doesn't mean the Jin bit is no longer relevant. Just like the dumpling incident, it is also a fact that Jin was the one who made 4 o'clock 'jokes' and 4 o'clock still does point to his birthday. All in all the song meaning and 2016 events do match up.

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37. Can you explain more about the taejin sightings on Pepero day, white day and the beach house? I've never heard of the first two!

K-army spotted Tae out on a date with Jin on Pepero day 2017. It’s similar to valentine's day. Here's a link: https://twitter.com/jiminitized/status/929251399052926981?s=19 Within that same week they were spotted on a movie date and a dinner date. Unsurprisingly, 2017 was their famed honeymoon year. BTS had a photoshoot taken by Dispatch on White Day: https://twitter.com/TaeJinpix/status/1106092955046010881?s=19 Tae had that photo of Jin as his wallpaper at one point of time and it was seen on Vhope's vlive. Secluded beach house was in 2018, here: https://twitter.com/seokjinffect_/status/987193157786972160?s=19 At the start of 2018, during their GDA interview, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9Scmxtn9EA&t=237s) Taehyung expressed his desire to go on a vacation with Jin, although he got embarrassed and roped the other members in as well. I’m not sure if this is the trip that resulted.

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38. you know how most taejinnies are seokjin biased right? I was wondering if you think its the other way around too? are most jin biased taejinnies? cause i personally think they are mostly either taejinnies or yoonjinists (or just like all jin ships) but i was curious to hear other opinions

Not necessarily. There are plenty of Namjinists, Jinkookers on the rise and Jin haremists. I’m not sure about the statistics though.

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39. Bon Voyage 4 was really something. It gave us an insight on TaeJin's domestic life. From the jelly bicker to the car ride with everybody but them asleep, it felt so raw and real. Certain parts felt like they were all just friends on a reunion trip but most of them were now couples. They were all so comfortable with each other, not just TaeJin. I know that I am stating the obvious. It was beautiful. They are beautiful. What they have is beautiful. I just want them to be happy.

Yes you’re stating the obvious but I do not mind at all and agree with everything you said. They’re just too beautiful together and I wish they’re happy forever.

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40. TaeJin discreetly checking each other out : A never-ending saga. That being one of the many things they do. That is not it. There is so much more to it. Honestly, though, it is a whole K-Drama. From the members reactions to them being questionable, a K-Drama is what it is.

Yes it’s a K-drama with all sorts of plot twists and unexpected bursts of affection that I keep coming back for more. It’s never dull with Taejin. They know how to keep Taejinnies and BH on their tippy toes.

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41. I read your post religiously!!! The first thing I do when I wake up is to see if you posted!! I just want your opinion on this! To me it seems like many taejinnies are more older fans. I encountered many taejinnies who are the same age as me and I am 22, so I think that’s why we can see past fan service. This is just my inference based on small polls that I’ve collected

If I didn’t have a full time job and got paid to run this blog I’d totally churn out posts everyday! Thank you for reading the content here, I’m flattered by your comments. My closest Taejinnie friends are sensible adults well within the age group of late twenties and above. Though I’m not fond of the age stereotypes that say older means wiser, especially since I have encountered plenty of … ‘strange’ adult Taejinnies as well.

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42. Hello! I am kind of a new taejinnie, but I am a bit torn, because I see you and many others take ships very seriously. I usually ship casually, because I feel that most of their moments lack that certainty to make us see them as real, if I explain myself well. Could most of the fandom be so blind to taejin? Or are we just biased? I can see Jin being super fond of Tae, but Tae is mostly touchy with everyone. He's touchy with Jin alot because Jin allows him alot of stuff, I think. I think Jin has a soft spot for V, there's no need denying it, but the latest Festa has shown us how none of them are truly that close anymore, V is closer to j-hope now. I think we view taejin through the eyes of a shipper, because if we were to see them as friends, nothing would really stand out. I keep thinking that different friendships look different, no two are the same. Taejin are more prone to skinship in real life, I feel, yet they don't really show on camera. Maybe I am wrong lol.

You are very confused. I suggest you watch their content to get a deeper understanding of their dynamics and if you’re still a Taejinnie after that, read through my posts again thoroughly. There's no law that says you have to ship someone; if you've read my posts, you would know why I am here. Why are you here?

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43. MAMA 2016. They were being all touchy on camera, whispering to each other and what not. They disappeared when BTS went up to collect their award. Both dash-run-run their way back to stage from the same directing two minutes into the speech, the older one among the two looking visibly flustered. The members gave them the infamous you-know-what looks. Not to forget, they had that infamous you-know-which moment at the end of their performance. Saw the clip again, can't stop thinking about it now.

They dashi run run run back to the stage indeed lol. What could have happened, makes us wonder doesn't it?

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44. Come to think of it, TaeJin might just be the most unproblematic ship in terms of almost anything and everything.

I'm not quite sure I understand but I think I have no problems with Taejin either.

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45. I disagree with the anon who sent you the ask about jin's message to tae and may I say that your speculations are on point on this one; jin didn't want to reveal something private and personal about tae. I remember this one time where tae cried and no one knew atm why he cried and later we found out that only jimin and jin knew the reason behind that, but then again they didn't reveal the reason, so it could be like that. (I'm not good at explaining, hope you understand the mess I've written♡)

Could you be referring to BV letters that they wrote to each other? Yes they would most definitely protect him and keep all his secrets. Jin would know better than to reveal anything personal about his members.

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46. Hi, love your blog! Kind of unusual ask- do you know if there are more taejinnies blogs like yours? im really into all the analysis things and i was trying to find more povs and failed miserably, it looks like you are the only one, still a win since youre probably my favorite either way- but i was wondering if you know any other blogs? (Since theres no such thing as too much taejin..)

I think I'm the only active one? Lol I couldn't find any others too so I decided to create my own. If any more pops up I'd be happy to read their analyses too.

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47. omg the jin-jk pictures ask reminded me of how funny it was to me that everyone were losing it over taehyung calling jk pretty maknae (which is indeed very cute) while completely ignoring the "seokjin-ah, i love you so much" which is the most intimate message taehyung wrote. or the way they were freaking out over "taehyung is the one i share common interests with" but didnt talk about "taehyung is my comrade".. i just find it amusing, its their loss i guess, i get to enjoy all the interactions

Being selective? I see it a lot. Let me join you because I find it amusing as well. I still feel all warm and tingly whenever I read that message, “Seokjin-ah I love you so much.” If that doesn’t scream in love…

I shall end this post with the reminder that Taehyung chose to reveal Tannie on Jin’s birthday. 

Till the next post. 

[straykidsupdate]

STRAY KIDS INSPIRE THEIR GENERATION TO PICK UP THE MIC

K-POP’S YOUNG DISRUPTORS NAVIGATE ADULTHOOD ALONGSIDE THEIR FANS

Stray Kids are fighting with their fans to determine who adores the other most. The fans started it, erupting into an impromptu chant inside Microsoft Theater in downtown Los Angeles: "We love you! We love you!," they shout, repeatedly. The sound is deafening, catching the boy band off guard. The eight members retaliate with their own impassioned chorus. "We love Stay," they respond, referencing their legions of international devotees. Both sides scream until, ultimately, Stray Kids admit defeat; they stand awkwardly onstage, apparently unsure how to receive the unrivaled adulation. Bang Chan, the Korean group's steadfast leader, looks around the venue in awe, while sensible vocalist Seungmin makes a heart with his hands and points to the crowd, resolved to have the last word.

This is not the first time Stray Kids has lost the battle of who-loves-who. It’s happened in cities across the United States, from New York to Dallas, amidst their District 9: Unlock world tour. It's canon, chiseled into the group's short but colorful history, alongside such viral moments as "Seungmin in the building" and "I'm not gonna leave you behind." Displays of affection between idols and fans are nothing new but, with Stray Kids, they’re never forced.

"It doesn't matter how old you are," Bang Chan tells the crowd mid-show, intensity building with every word. "It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, or whoever you choose to be. It doesn't matter where you're from — everyone is welcome in our special district."

Two weeks prior to this performance, Stray Kids — Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N — are gazing from a conference room in a Times Square skyscraper. The sky is gray, but that doesn't deter Hyunjin from posing for a series of selfies against the floor-to-ceiling window. As the lithe dancer works his angles, his bandmates are scattered throughout the room. Han props his phone against the room’s A/V controls to watch an anime; Bang Chan hunches over his own phone, thumbing the screen intently; Lee Know rests his eyes; and Australia-born Felix gossips about last night's Grammy Awards. Like any teen, he's obsessed with Billie Eilish, and her historic Grammys sweep is hard for him to fathom. "Can you believe it?" he says, eyes wide and sparkling. "She's only 18. It's amazing."

But at 19, the deep-voiced rapper, whose delicate features betray his cherry-red hair, has similarly found success at a young age. Within a year of their 2018 debut, Stray Kids received 11 rookie awards and released five EPs. In fact, while Eilish and her brother Finneas were crafting homemade beats in a Highland Park bedroom, JYP Entertainment's tenacious boy wonders were honing their own unique sound in a small studio in Seoul, South Korea. Members Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han comprise the group's primary production trio, 3RACHA, and they've been making music together since their trainee days in 2017. Introspective early tracks like "Start Line" and "Runner's High" laid the foundation for Stray Kids' sonic identity: With the disruptive power of punk, they deliver astute, poignant lyrics about the bristly experience of growing up and its side effects.

"The things we worry about and the things Stay worry about — we share a lot of the same struggles," Han tells MTV News. "Even though our ambitions are different, we work hard just the same. It becomes our inspiration musically." As the creative force behind two of the group's more vulnerable cuts, "19" and "Sunshine," the 19-year-old rapper reveals his innermost thoughts and anxieties to the fans. But that honesty can be frightening.

"It's nerve-racking for us," Bang Chan says. "Sometimes we think, 'If we talk about this, will people understand? Will they relate?' We're always thinking about how we can reach people through our lyrics because we want our music to help."

That empathy has been woven throughout their music from the beginning. Stray Kids’ first singles, the pre-debut track "Hellevator" and the darkly riotous "District 9," are full of angst and aggression, soundtracks for those who balk at societal pressures and follow their own rules. "My Pace" is an empowering anthem teeming with energy and affirmations. ("Don't compare yourself with others," Bang Chan sings on the hook. "It's OK to run slower.") Songs like "Voices" and "Side Effects" offer an intimate glimpse into the tumultuous mind of a young person still figuring out their place in the world, while "Miroh" and "Victory Song" are bursting with big sounds and youthful bravado.

"Young people today may feel a bit trapped, like you're constantly being told what to do and you feel like you can't speak for yourself," Bang Chan says. "So we want people our age to feel comfortable speaking out and talking about what they think."

By encouraging their fans to examine their own growing pains, to feel everything, they ensure that their message is never didactic. "All strayed steps come together to make a new road," they say at their concert. And with their latest release, "Levanter," off their sixth EP Clé: Levanter, Stray Kids come to the understanding that the journey is more meaningful than the destination, and the path ahead is ultimately theirs to define. So they double knot their shoelaces and dash full-speed ahead. "We might not know what the actual goal is, but as long as we're running hard and we're running as a group, whatever comes is going to be good anyway," Bang Chan says. "We just wish that a lot of people out there could listen to our music and get a lot of energy and hope from it."

Like 25-year-old Selina, who connects to their lyrics because she's "still on that journey of figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be," she says, clutching her Stray Kids light stick (a compass, now featuring Bang Chan's name written on the handle) outside of Microsoft Theater. Her friend Joseline, 18, likes that the members "have other priorities and interests outside of being a K-pop idol" that they reveal through daily Instagram posts, livestreams on the V Live app, TikToks, and weekly YouTube videos and vlogs. "He's not just Han from Stray Kids, he's Han Jisung — rapper, producer, and person," she adds.

For Kambree, 17, the group has a "positive vibe" that makes her feel happy and accepted. "They make us feel like family, no matter who you are or what you look like," she adds. Her best friend Lexxie, 17, says Stray Kids "make me feel like I'm not alone with my issues." And So Yun, 30, finds their mix of "hard-hitting EDM" and "super angsty" lyrics reminiscent of the emo bands she listened to in high school. "It's the same rebellious spirit that I felt as a teen when you want to be your own person and figure out your own voice."

Their music has given Louis, 30, a newfound perspective. "I like the ['Levanter'] lyric, 'I want to be myself, I don't care' — that line resonates with me because we live in a society where people try to mold you, but at the same time, I just want to myself and at this point, I really don't care!"

Best friends Ella and Jazlynn, both 19, met online through their mutual love of Stray Kids, and they've customized their light sticks with glitters and holographic stickers of their favorite members' names. "Half of the group is technically my age, so I can look at them and see how successful they are, and it gives me inspiration to work harder," Jazlynn says, an I.N banner at her side. And while they do feel comforted by the authenticity in the group's songs, as Ella explains, it's who they are off-stage that many fans connect with most. "When you see Felix do the Renegade, it's like, 'I do that too!'"

Their ability to ignite the stage with powerful performances while staying true to themselves behind the scenes — as both K-pop's reigning meme kings and young men navigating adulthood — is what makes Stray Kids so relatable to a generation that experiences much of their lives online. "This generation is comfortable being alone," Changbin says. "We have our phones. We don't always need to be talking to each other to be together. Sometimes a text is fine."

And they're pretty normal, too. Bang Chan and Changbin watch videos from Tomorrowland and Ultra Music Festival to help clear their minds in the studio; the tracks "Road Not Taken" and "Stop" are the direct results of such self-care. Han's idea of a perfect day would be to "not come out of my room for 24 hours." If he could spend all day watching YouTube videos, he would. In fact, he says "Sunshine" was inspired by a scene in the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers, where the main characters travel to an idyllic private island. Though Han’s larger-than-life presence dominates the stage, he identifies as an introvert and admits he hopes to "overcome" his shyness. "On my ideal perfect day, I'd try new experiences and meet new people comfortably," he says. "You can do it!" Bang Chan adds, encouragingly.

Youngest member I.N makes time to go shopping, though he prefers to "chill" on his days off. And when Felix isn't playing video games or destroying kitchens with Seungmin, he frequents Seoul's finest dog cafes. "We have so many dog lovers in our group," he says, smiling. "I've been looking at a lot of dogs, and I feel like they help you feel better. I really want a dog with the team." Jisung points at Seungmin, whose nickname is "puppy," and Bang Chan adds, "We already have one." Seungmin scrunches his nose and says, "No way!" (But Han insists he's a "really bad boy.")

Meanwhile, Hyunjin, who’s known by fans for his theatrics and commanding stage presence is extremely open with his emotions. He frequents V Live, where he offers personal advice to viewers of his video series Hyunjin’s Counseling Center. But the 19-year-old admits that opening up to Stay has helped him, too. "I don't always have a lot of confidence," he says. “When I want to be comforted or when I’m feeling kind of sad, Stay are really good at consoling me. I want to be able to repay that comfort in full."

"The connection between Stay and Stray Kids would be family," Felix adds. Han jokes that they're the "annoying and mischievous" little brothers. But it's that sense of connection, among the group as well as with their fans, that has cemented Stray Kids as the vital voices of their generation.

"The struggles we're going through — anxiety, stress, school, love — they tell us to take our time and see where our path leads," Selina says. "It's OK to stray from it. Just stay true to yourself. I always associate that with them. The idea of 'You Make Stray Kids Stay' is to find out what it is that grounds you and just keep going."

And Stray Kids don't plan to slow down any time soon. Having wrapped their Clé series at the end of last year with Levanter, 2020 offers an exciting fresh page for new musical experimentations, starting with the three original unit songs the group produced for the tour. "Wow" is a sexy R&B track from dancers Lee Know, Hyunjin, and Felix. It's also their first explicit love song. "We wanted to try a sexy song because it's a special stage," Hyunjin says, explaining that the dancers worked on their own lyrics in addition to helping with the slinky choreography. "We wanted to include moves that we haven't tried before," Lee Know adds, noting that they wanted something sexy and powerful. "So it was a new experience."

"My Universe," featuring vocalists Seungmin and I.N with an assist from Changbin, is a bright pop ballad. "I always wanted to try something like that," I.N says, eyes smiling. Seungmin tells Changbin from across the table, "Thanks for helping." And 3RACHA's "We Go" oozes confidence over a scorching trap beat. "We made 'We Go' last time we were here [in the United States]," Bang Chan says. "We made around three to four songs in one day… The performance is really fun as well. And those two [he points to Han and Changbin] got to have the chance to use Autotune live."

They also released their first English singles in January, a process that rapper Changbin, known for his furious flow, calls "difficult." ("It was fun," Hyunjin argues beside him.) "I was listening to Changbin's rap [in 'Double Knot'] like, 'Why is this so fast? What am I going to write?'" Bang Chan says. "I tried to write it as easy as possible so that he could speak it well. I'm really glad that they could record it really well for me."

In March, they'll debut in Japan. And there's another mixtape project in the works, kicked off by the digital release of "Gone Days," a relaxed, Autotune-laced anthem for the "OK Boomer" generation. A play on the Korean word kkondae, it describes someone who pushes outdated ideas and expectations onto another based only on their age and status — and signals the arrival of a bold new direction. "I think [young people] now just need to be more comfortable with themselves," Bang Chan says of his inspiration for the track. "By being yourself, you never know what's going to happen."

"I always believe that one person can change the world," he adds. "So if you have a thought or an idea, just let it out. Because who knows? You can make the world a much better place."

[doomonfilm]

Ranking : Marvel Cinematic Universe - The Infinity Saga (2008 - 2019)

Outside of the Star Wars or James Bond franchises (or maybe even the longstanding BBC series Dr. Who), I am hard pressed to think of a bigger, more intricately connected set of films than those created by Kevin Feige for his Marvel Cinematic Universe (better known as the MCU to most people).  With the help of numerous established and upcoming stars, a vast range of directors, and a rich history of characters and events the studio could play fast and loose with, Marvel Studios spent roughly a decade transforming “comic book” films from gimmicks into legitimized artistic storytelling, forcing many studios to attempt and emulate the success of a connected “cinematic universe” without laying the groundwork needed to do so.

With WandaVision in motion on Disney+, and the release future of Black Widow still up in the air, the trajectory in which the MCU will move forward is still a mystery, but these properties firmly close the door on the initial three phases of Marvel Studios releases, collectively known as The Infinity Saga due to their connection to Thanos and the six Infinity Stones.  Individually, many of these pieces had impact, but as a whole, the overarching story that they tell is an epic feat yet to be matched. 

But enough preamble, I know what everybody came here for.  So, based solely on my opinion and nothing else, here is The Infinity Saga, as presented by Marvel Studios, ranked from least to most favorite...

23. The Incredible Hulk (2008) It’s a shame that my favorite Marvel character seems to be a conundrum when it comes to giving him a solo movie.  With a decent slice of these characters, it’s about casting the “normal” version of the character, and in the case of this film, as great of an actor as Edward Norton is, I am not sure if he can play enough self-sabotaging behaviors to believably provide us with a Bruce Banner that audiences can connect with.  As a result, The Incredible Hulk left us with an isolated protagonist (literally and figuratively) forced to carry audiences between long stretches absent of Hulk in his green glory.

22. Thor (2011) For a time, it seemed as if Thor was going to be the realm of the MCU where gravitas resided.  The Shakespearean approach to mythic heroes adapted by Marvel was fresh at the time, as Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow and S.H.I.E.L.D. were around, but certainly more relatable.  Bringing Thor, Odin, Loki and a host of other legendary Asgardians into the fold broadened the world, but with the entire picture of this stretch now laid out in front of us, it is clear that Chris Hemsworth had not yet found his voice as Thor.  We knew he would have to earn his worthiness and his title as King of Asgard, but I doubt anyone anticipated Thor would become one of the consistently funniest aspects of the MCU... sadly, that was not yet developed in his first film, and as a result, his introduction falls to the lower realms of the list.

21. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

20. Ant-Man (2015) It was not my intention to lump the Ant-Man movies together, but in all honestly, they do work best in that capacity.  The events of both movies, for the most part, seem to satellite around the bigger nucleus narrative, and up until Avengers : Endgame, and appearance made by Ant-Man in the other films was cursory or meant to “balance the scales” (as in the case of Captain America : Civil War).  Don’t get me wrong... Paul Rudd is a fabulous addition to the MCU family, and listening to Michael Peña tell stories never gets old, but when it comes down to the big picture, Ant-Man and his two films are not the largest puzzle pieces on the table.

19. Captain Marvel (2019) The possibilities for an epic film were all there... Krees and Skrulls would finally get a chance at the spotlight, we were being teased going back in time without realizing how it would play into the resolution of our Infinity Saga storyline, and the final moments of the film made us question everything we’d been presented with up until that point.  Sadly, however, Carol Danvers turned out to be an extremely overpowered and dangerously self-unaware character, resulting in a lack of stakes or emotional connection ever really being established.  While Captain Marvel does have fun elements to it, much of the work that managed to stick was undone by her forced and underwhelming appearance in Avengers : Endgame.  Of all the properties in the MCU, this one seems to have the most whispers and rumors surrounding it in regards to its production and future within the MCU moving forward, but I will be curious to see how time treats this film.

18. Iron Man 3 (2013) Up through Phase Two of The Infinity Saga, Tony Stark was always positioned as the loner of the group.  With that in mind, it does seem a bit strange to me that his final solo film, and the first solo film after Marvel’s The Avengers, would find Tony back in isolation mode so vigorously.  In all fairness, War Machine is there (during his brief stint as The Patriot), and Pepper Potts is given the most room to play out of all three films, but as interesting as the antagonist structure for the film is, the convoluted nature of having at least three tiers of villainy almost begs the inclusion of at least one more Avenger.  Ultimately, the film does move Tony closer to the rest of the camp, but it’s odd that more Avengers weren’t involved in the actual film. 

17. Captain America : The First Avenger (2011) Of all the characters fans were presented with in the MCU, it’s hard to argue against the fact that Captain America received the most rewarding arc of any character in The Infinity Saga.  Every journey needs a starting point, and simply because it was the origin story, Captain America : The First Avenger was never destined to be the best of the MCU.  Visually, the MCU was still figuring a few things out, so some of the scrawny Cap scenes look awkward, but by the time this film is all said and done, all of the honor, character and heart needed to propel Cap forward was present and accounted for.

16. Thor : The Dark World (2013)

15. Iron Man 2 (2010) Maybe it’s a recencey bias thing, but I really enjoyed Thor : The Dark World and Iron Man 2.  Up until deciding to make this list, I’d not seen either of these films, and it was largely due to the negative reactions I’d heard from most fans and critics.  Thor : The Dark World gave us brief glimpses of where the Thor character was headed, it was a great look for Jane Foster (who is seemingly on her way back into the mix), it opened up some mystic doors that we will likely be exploring moving forward in the MCU, and due to these mystic elements, we may have seen the beginnings of S.W.O.R.D., who is already making its presence felt in Phase Four.  As for Iron Man 2, we are given the polar opposite Tony Stark from his introductory movie, and due to his seemingly unstoppable mission to erase himself, War Machine is given autonomy, and the beginnings of the Iron Legion are built.  Perhaps its a bit of a revisionist lens as well, hence these two being grouped together, but time seems to have been very kind to these two films, despite their flaws.

14. Spider-Man : Far From Home (2019) Avengers : Endgame would have been a perfect place to close the door on The Infinity Saga, but that monumental task was appointed to Spider-Man : Far From Home.  Perhaps it was that implied burden that made the film feel a bit buried under the weight of expectations.  There are certainly calls to a post-Tony Stark snap present throughout the film, but Mysterio’s plan runs seemingly independent of any previous events shown.  The mid and post-credit scenes certainly tease big things for the future, but even before COVID-19 flipped the script on the industry, it was uncertain where things where headed as the new phase unrolled.  This film was enjoyable, but almost feels like a stand-alone trapped on a bridge between two worlds of narrative.

13. Iron Man (2008) The one that started it all.  I’ve never been the biggest Iron Man fan, but I can certainly respect the large risk that Kevin Feige took by kickstarting his empire with a character seemingly caught between fame and obscurity.  Tony Stark has enough Bruce Wayne in him to make him an intriguing character, but Iron Man and Batman could not be more different from one another, which immediately gave the MCU a fresh feel in light of them using a Silver Age character.  The pool of household name talent was limited, as Sony was sitting on Spider-Man, the X-men and the Fantastic Four in 2008, but ultimately, Iron Man was a roll of the dice that paid off in a major way. 

12. Spider-Man : Homecoming (2017) Spider-Man is such an iconic character that it is sometimes hard to believe that he was not always involved in The Infinity Saga.  Tobey Maguire was the definitive Spider-Man to many fans, and Andrew Garfield was starting to build a cult following, but after a bit of legal ping-pong, Captain America : Civil War went from being an anticipated mess to possibly a shadow of its comic book counterpart when Spider-Man appeared in the trailer.  Tom Holland brought a pitch-perfect voice and sensibility to the character, and Spider-Man : Homecoming drove those feelings home (no pun intended).  It wasn’t like Spider-Man needed a boost in tandem with his entry into the MCU, but his introductory movie did most everything right (including assuming we were WELL AWARE of his often repeated origin story).

11. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) Out of everyone that the MCU has introduced to the masses, it is safe to say that I knew the least about the Guardians of the Galaxy... in fact, my closest tie to knowledge of their existence came in the form of Howard the Duck, who shares that section of the Marvel comic universe with them.  Marvel Studios had already made me enjoy films about Thor and Iron Man, two characters I did not consider myself a fan of prior to their films, so I went out on a limb in hopes that Marvel could sell me on characters I had zero connection to.  Guardians of the Galaxy did provide another set of colors in the Marvel spectrum, and it helped open the door to Marvel’s space-centered stories, but it wasn’t until the sequel that I went back and really found an appreciation for Guardians of the Galaxy, which I will expound later.  That being said, Guardians of the Galaxy is another Marvel film that has been benefited by time and revisitation.

10. Marvel's The Avengers (2012) The main pieces had found their way to the board by the time Captain America : The First Avenger was released, and it only seemed like a matter of time before the big players would cross paths.  Rather than build to a mass collaboration via smaller duos and groupings, Marvel went all in to close Phase One by locking in The Avengers as the collective stars of The Infinity Saga.  Loki found new agency as their protagonist, but he was really just a smokescreen for the big bad of the entire saga, Thanos.  The entire run of 23 movies can be summed up or represented by the iconic shot that rotates around our heroes when they stand shoulder to shoulder for the first time, staring up at their enemy emerging from the sky.  There was no turning back at this point, and this is largely due to the wonderful execution of one of the MCU’s key films.

9. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) I’m really not sure why Guardians of the Galaxy didn’t connect for me initially, but after watching Vol. 2, I felt a deeper understanding of Peter Quill, the relationship between Gamora and Nebula, and I came to love Groot and Drax even more (who didn’t immediately love Rocket Racoon?).  Kurt Russell was the evolved mirror to Chris Pratt that I didn’t know I needed, and the soundtrack contained more songs that spoke directly to me than the first film.  Some of the set pieces were downright beautiful in this film, I lowkey became a big fan of Mantis, and Yondu’s story culmination may have been the first time the MCU brought a tear to my eye.  Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 may deceptively be the most emotionally powerful of all the MCU films, short of Avengers : Infinity War, and for that, it must be respected, considering it all came from a little known band of upstarts.

8. Captain America : Civil War (2016) While Marvel’s The Avengers may be the first true “event” film in the MCU, the first major “event” attempted in terms of historic Marvel stories was the infamous Civil War run.  A weird mix of anticipation and fear existed in the time preceding the film’s release, as a number of key players from the comic book storyline were either not available to the MCU or had not yet been introduced into the MCU.  Speculation between who would be emerging, omitted and adjusted flew back and forth, but in the end, we were not only presented with a riveting triangle of emotion between Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and Bucky, but Spider-Man and Black Panther stepped into the spotlight (with a little dose of Ant-Man thrown in for good measure).  Had the MCU waited for a different phase, there’s no telling how many heroes and villains could have ultimately been involved, but considering what they had at the time, the MCU definitely exceeded expectations and created their own iconic version of a Marvel narrative hallmark.

7. Black Panther (2018) Outside of the final two Avenger’s, there wasn’t a more anticipated or well-received release (to my knowledge) than Black Panther.  After bursting onto the scene in Captain America : Civil War, it seemed everyone was ready for more of King T'Challa, Black Panther and Wakanda.  Chadwick Boseman became even more of a fan favorite than he already was, and Black Panther became the first MCU film to be nominated for Best Picture at the 2019 Academy Awards.  Marvel presented Wakanda, and Africa in turn, with the utmost cultural, historical and social respect, and short of a slightly underwhelming finale in terms of visual effects, it was hard to hang a complaint on Black Panther.  If the MCU had to pick a single film that they were most proud of, I would not be surprised if this was the one that was chosen.

6. Doctor Strange (2016) As a fan of science fiction, mysticism and overall weirdness, I was incredibly hype for the announcement and release of Doctor Strange.  Of all the active characters in the MCU at the time, Doctor Strange was the most obscure that I was already familiar with, and his introductory film did not disappoint.  The visual representation of the mystic arts was brilliant, casting Tilda Swinton as The Ancient One was a stroke of genius (despite many that voiced reservation to the choice), and the introduction of different dimensions and realms to the MCU hinted at the future that was to come.  With Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness coming in sooner than later, it is almost certain that I will be revisiting this film, and I hope that as time goes by, it finds a bigger audience with a deeper appreciation for it. 

5. Thor : Ragnarok (2017) If I think about it hard enough, I can probably find a character that will contradict this statement, but I’m hard pressed to think of a character than took a bigger personality jump between individual films than Thor did between The Dark World and Ragnarok.  We got shades of a new Thor in The Dark World, and he was really starting to come out of his shell in Avengers : Age of Ultron, but I’m not sure if anyone expected for Taika Waititi to not only turn Thor into possibly the most loveable Avenger, but make his third film a psychedelic masterpiece of fun.  Thor and Loki have never had better chemistry, Cate Blanchett was surprisingly well cast as Hela, and most everyone’s favorite MCU iteration of the Hulk came to life (not to mention a brief nod to Beta Ray Bill being present for keen viewers).  It may not be the best film in the MCU, but Thor : Ragnarok is almost certainly the one viewers gravitate towards if they make a quick selection.

4. Avengers : Endgame (2019) How do you end a story arc that spans more than 20 films?  Well, for starters, you bring every character to the table, collect every expectation that fans have for them, and then kick all of those expectations to the side and forge a completely wild, new and unexpected path.  For a large portion of Endgame’s runtime, it is tonally and stylistically different than any other Avengers film, but near the end, when the rubber hits the road, Thanos and his legions of followers take part in one of the most epically satisfying stands against our heroes already present, only for the world of the MCU to open up and rain the most enjoyable and acceptable fan service ever to be captured to film, including the most iconic Captain America moment of all time.  

3. Avengers : Age of Ultron (2015) For a long while, this film stood as my clear-cut favorite in the MCU.  I didn’t even know I was a Vision fan until he emerged from his chamber, and the introduction of Scarlet Witch has brought me nothing but joy.  David Spader brought some of the best antagonist personality in his powerful portrayal of Ultron, and the party scene provided one of my favorite non-action sequences in all of the MCU.  The interactions between the Avengers had the best balance of all their collaborative films during Age of Ultron, and Scarlet Witch took each of our heroes to the darkest corners of their mind.  Perhaps people had other ideas in mind when they learned that Tony and Bruce’s murderbot was due for a screen appearance, but for my money’s worth, Age of Ultron was the first Avengers film that blew my mind, and still stands as my personal favorite of the Avengers movies.

2. Avengers : Infinity War (2018) Easily the most epic of all the MCU films, Infinity War set the stage for a truly iconic struggle between the Earth’s mightiest heroes and the seemingly unstoppable Thanos that had been promised over many, many films, and in the opening rounds, Infinity War delivered.  For all of the combinations of characters we’d been provided, we’d yet to see Tony interact with Doctor Strange or Star-Lord, and each of those meetings yielded hilarious results.  The stakes had never been higher prior to Infinity War, and the costs had not been greater up to this point.  I personally remember people in theaters being nearly moved to tears when their favorite heroes (especially Spider-Man) began turning into dust, like they were watching Schindler’s List.  If the MCU collectively raised the bar for comic book movies, then Infinity War raised the bar for the MCU. 

1. Captain America : The Winter Soldier (2014) The MCU has more than a handful of classic films under their belt, but Captain America : The Winter Soldier is probably the sole film of the MCU that feels like a proper action/adventure suspense-thriller, like it was penned by John Grisham.  The connection between Bucky and Cap is kinetic in its swings between impending hope and tragedy, and the level of combat and action in the film is second to none.  This was the film where the Cap that the masses know and love stepped into his own as a hero and a leader.  Of all the directors that Marvel Studios has tapped, the Russo Brothers seem to have the secrets unlocked to make a great MCU film, and Captain America : The Winter Soldier is the pound for pound best they’ve offered yet.

[antihero-writings]

In Plain Sight

Cover art by Stlyrica on instagram!! I’ll put a link to it in the replies!!

Fandom: Pandora Hearts

Summary: When Break hides Gilbert's favorite Christmas ornament somewhere in the Rainsworth manor, the Golden Trio must spend the afternoon looking for it. But why is it so special to Gil?

Notes: I originally wrote this for the prompt "Ornaments" in an alphabetical Christmas prompt list my friends and I did in 2017--(it was going to be part of a group of Christmas fics we all wrote for different fandoms. Some of the people in that group hadn't read PH, so that's why this fic has some explanations for who the characters are). Then I posted it for Pandora Hearts Month 2018 for the Golden Trio Prompt: Friendship. I hope you like it! I would really appreciate it if you could reblog and/or leave a comment to let me know if you enjoyed it!

*

“You’re the tallest, Gil, you should put the star on top!”

“Ooh! It looks yummy! Like a big cookie!”

“It’s not a cookie, Stupid Rabbit!”

It was a few days before Christmas, and the trio was at the Rainsworth manor. Finally, everything was ready for the holiday; a fire was dancing in its place, the stockings were all lined up on the mantle, and they had just put the finishing touches on the tree. The only one who hadn’t been informed about the festive season, was the sky outside; it had been raining for the past few weeks. There was a chill in the air, it was frosty, but snow hadn’t quite come yet. Still, they made the most of their time indoors.

“Perfect!” Oz exclaimed.

Oz Vessalius was the fifteen-year-old heir to the Vessalius dukedom, but after his escape from the Abyss that year, when he wasn’t off on adventures, and missions, he spent most of his time at the Rainsworth’s.

“It’s so pretty, Onii-chan!”

On account of the ten-year gap, Oz’s sister, Ada, was older than Oz now, but, no matter what, she would never stop seeing him as her older brother. She was on Christmas break from Lutwidge Academy, and more than happy to spend it at the Rainsworths, with her brother. She had, of course, brought her two cats—Snowdrop and Kitty—with her, (which Gilbert maintained a healthy distance from, due to his phobia of cats).

“The Rainsworths will have the best-decorated tree in town!”

Oscar, their uncle, was spending the afternoon with his niece and nephew too. He was a bearded, bespectacled man, with the same blonde hair and green eyes as the rest of his family. At the moment, he was sitting on one of the couches, with a cup what he called ‘tea’, but which the rest of them guessed probably had something stronger in it.

“I can’t take all the credit, Gil and Alice helped a little,” Oz joked.

“‘A little!’”

Gilbert was Oz’s servant; a dark-haired man, who often appeared cold and reserved, but who was rather sensitive, and a worrywart. He still sometimes acted as though they were only a year apart in age too, despite the fact that he was now ten years older than his master.

“Yeah, manservant!” Alice challenged, “More like we did all the work!”

“I was just teasing!”

“Well,” Sharon had a way of returning things to order with her calm and proper words, “you all did a wonderful job.”

Sharon was the heiress to the Rainsworth dukedom, and looked like a thirteen-year-old girl, though was really in her twenties or thirties—(they knew better than to ask her exact age). Her chestnut hair was usually tied back into a kind of half-ponytail, and, as always, she outmatched them all on style points; today it was with a dress of a wintery blue that looked as if she was trying to encourage the snow to fall. As per usual, she held a cup of tea in one hand—peppermint, she had informed them, for the Christmas season—and a pastry in the other. She was sitting at a small round table on the other side of the room, with Reim—duke Barma’s bespectacled, hard working, servant, who spent more time at the Rainsworth’s than anywhere else, with his two best friends—Sharon and Break.

“Well, I’m beat,” Alice stretched and yawned, “Seaweed-head, when are you going to make me some meat?”

Most Chains (creatures from the Abyss) didn’t look like Alice did; like a fourteen-year-old girl, with floor length brown hair, and an almost cat-like physique—(though it was a giant rabbit she often turned into). Also unlike other illegally contracted Chains, she did not have a thirst for human blood, although she did have a particular love for meat, as well as almost anything edible.

“I suppose I can make you something, now that we’ve finished,” Gil sighed.

“Oh? Have you now?” they turned to see Sharon’s servant, Xerxes Break, grinning as he poured himself another cup of tea. “Are you sure nothing’s…” he leaned back against the table, “missing?”

Break was a red-eyed, white-haired man, also much older than he looked. Even those close to him would say he was a bit of an acquired taste; his love for teasing, the creepy doll on his shoulder, and his general lack of regard for other people and their feelings, made it difficult for those subject to his mischiefs—such as Gilbert—to acquire any kind of affection for him.

Gilbert froze, turning his head slowly to the tree. His eyes immediately found the empty space where a certain ornament had been.

“Break!” he shouted, spinning back to him, “Must you do this every year?!”

“Let an old man have his fun.” Break grinned.

“I believe he must, Gilbert-sama,” Sharon answered Gilbert’s question, nonchalantly taking a sip of tea before continuing, “It has become something of a tradition.”

“I should have spent Christmas with he Nightrays this year,” Gilbert grumbled, reluctance in his motions as he began to pick up books, and other objects around the room, as if searching.

“You’re so mean,” Break chided playfully, then spoke a little more seriously, knowing Gilbert had no intentions of spending much time with his adoptive family, and real brother, “You’d rather spend Christmas with the sewer rat, than us?”

Gil gave him a death glare.

“Sorry…but what’s a tradition?” Oz asked, turning to Sharon and Break.

He wouldn’t admit it, but sometimes, especially with things like this, the ten-year gap could make Oz feel like an outsider.

“Every year Break takes Gilbert-sama’s favorite ornament,” Sharon explained, “And hides it somewhere in the manor.”

“Ooh! That sounds like fun!”

“It’s not fun, Oz!” Gilbert hollered at his master, “It’s a waste of a perfectly good afternoon! Not to mention annoying, and rude!”

Break laughed. Gil had yet to learn his outrageous reactions were what made this sort of thing so fun for the prankster.

“Don’t worry, Gil!” Ada bounded up to him, “I’ll help you look!”

Gilbert flushed, “T-Thank you.”

“What does it look like, Gil?”

He looked at Oz, then turned back to Ada, and explained it quietly enough that only she could hear.

She nodded, beaming, and began to look in a different part of the room.

“What’s the matter, Gil?”—Gil gasped as his master appeared suddenly at his other side—“You don’t want me to know what it is?” Oz’s laugh faded into a more puzzled expression when Gil averted his eyes, turning redder.

“It’s a secret, Onii-chan!” Ada answered for him, “You’ll see when we find it!”

He didn’t get the chance to ask anything more, because Alice broke in, having been observing all their interactions,

“Does…Does this mean I won’t get my meat?”

“Uh huh,” Gilbert sighed, “That’s exactly what it means.”

“No! I will not allow it!” Alice shook her head, and whirled around on Break, pointing at him in an accusatory manner, “Clown! Return Seaweed-head’s stupid ornament his instant!”

“It’s not stupid, Stupid Rabbit!”

“Aren’t you a spoilsport?” The Mad Hatter teased, then the doll on his shoulder, Emily, finished,

“Why should I listen to some dumb bunny?”

Alice growled, her hands clenching into fists. She spun to Gilbert, declaring as she ran up to him,“Then I won’t rest until I find that ornament! With the great Alice-sama on your side, you cannot fail!”

“Sure you won’t just get in the way?”

She kicked him in the shin, crossing her arms, “You’d be lost without me, Seaweed-head.”

“Don’t kick me, Stupid rabbit!” he rubbed his leg, “Now go look for it over there!” he stamped his injured foot back down and pointed to the opposite corner of the room, (to which she quickly ran, proceeding to tear her designated space apart in a matter of seconds.)

“Is this ornament really all that important, Gil? I mean, we have lots of—”

“Yes!” he answered before his master could finish, “it is!”

Oz sighed, knowing how attached his servant could get to things, “Alright. So…is us helping against the rules?” he asked, watching Alice destroy the room in search of it, Ada calmly remove things, and put them back where they were meant to go, and Gil as a mix of the two.

“Don’t you think we would have stopped them if it was, Oz-kun?”

Sharon shook her head, “It doesn’t matter who finds it, watching him search is the fun part.” Her mischievous side was showing; most of the time she was this prim and proper lady, but being close to Break had its effects.

“That’s right; the more people searching, the funnier it is when they can’t find it,” Break sang. “Though, tell me, Ojousama,” he turned to his mistress “are you merely saying that because you wagered he’d find it early—before 18:00?” he asked knowingly, sitting up on the table—(Reim gave him a look that could only be interpreted as: can-you act-any-less-like-a-servant?)

They turned to the clock—it was 15:00.

“Why do you want to know, Break?” his mistress asked with a tone of false interest, “Are you afraid your skills as a prankster have gone down with age?” she patted her mouth innocently with a napkin.

“What do you take me for, Ojousama?” he smirked, crossing his legs, narrowing his eyes at Gilbert, “He’ll need all the help he can get.”

Gilbert returned to him an even more murderous look.

“You… betted on this?”

“All part of the tradition, Oz-kun,” Break mentioned, stealing a mini pastry from Reim’s plate—(the incense was more than evident on Reim’s face, and probably why Break did it).

“It’s not money we wagered, though; If I win, Break has to swear off sweets over Christmas—as well as make me a lavish dessert full of those sweet things he can’t have. And if Break wins, I have to buy him an equally lavish amount of extra Christmas candy and sweets.”

“Nice! Break, I didn’t know you could bake!”

“He really can’t,” Sharon chuckled, “But it’s fun to see what he comes up with.”

Break glared at her.

“So… is this how you bet every year?”

“Sometimes it’s different. But it’s usually something to the effect of giving Break a taste of his own medicine…Though I seem to recall one year, I wanted Break to do this dance I had heard of in a book, if he lost. I believe it was called ‘Futterwacken.’”

“That’s a weird name for a dance!” Oz laughed, “So? How did that go?

“I suppose it is,” she smiled, “That was one of the tamer punishments, but, when he did lose, he refused—rather blatantly.”

“Really?!��� he turned to Break.

“How many times must I tell you? I have no talent for dancing.”

“Truly, as a servant of the Rainsworth Dukedom, it would be better fitting that you learned,” she shook her head, then turned back to Oz, “Anyway, after that, we thought the chance to take away his candy was rather enjoyable.”

“Aw, I want to join the bet!”

Gilbert looked affronted, but before he could speak, Oz continued, boyish excitement simmering in his tone,

“Say, what if, if Break loses, I get to eat his candy instead?!”

Sharon and Break glanced at each other.

“Let me ask you something, Oz-kun;” Break set down his tea, “Are you willing to risk the consequences of such a wager?”

“Ehh…consequences?”

“Why of course. I couldn’t give little Oz-kun the chance of stealing my candy without the proper torment in store if he lost.”

“Eh…” Oz knew just how mean Break could get, and that this could very well turn into a prank war that ended in actual blood, “I think I’ll pass.”

“I always said you were smarter than you looked,” the Mad Hatter picked up his tea again.

“Maybe you could join in by helping me look, instead of encouraging them, Oz!” Gilbert whirled on him.

“Aww, do I have to?” the fifteen-year-old groaned.

“Oz!”

Oz turned to the masterminds, as if silently asking for them to give him an excuse not to.

“Hey, Oz-kun is sharp,” Break began, then Emily added,

“Probably smarter than these three put together!”

—two of the aforementioned three gave him what can only be described as ‘fight-me’ faces, and Ada looked disheartened—Break took no notice, and finished,

“So that depends; whose side are you on?”

“Well,” Oz thought for a moment, then mused, grinning, “it would be fun to see Break trying to swear of candy!”

“Is that so?” Break’s eye narrowed.

“In any case, why isn’t Reim-san helping?” he shifted the focus. “You’re not the kind of person to sit back while others are in trouble”

Reim sighed, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “While that may be true, these two are often harsher with me, than others. If I help you, I have a feeling I shall pay for it in some way later,” he shot them an icy look, “dearly.”

“Whatever do you mean, Reim-san?” Sharon asked innocently. “We thought you enjoyed our company.”

“Yeah, it’s only because you’re our favorite, Reim-san,” Break gave a fake sappy voice.

“Then pick a new favorite!”

“That’s not how it works! You have a lifetime guarantee!”

“Sharon,” it was Ada who spoke. She had been focused on searching on the mantelpiece, and inside the stockings, “Why are there nine stockings?”

“What do you mean, Ada?” Oz asked, stepping over to her.

“Well, I was just thinking; there’s me, Onii-chan, Uncle, and Alice,”—Alice looked annoyed at Ada mentioning her name—“since we’re staying here for Christmas,” she pointed at each of the stockings in turn, “and these belong to Sharon-sama, Break, Duchess Rainsworth-sama, and Reim-san, right? But who does this last one belong to?” she held the bottom of the last one, careful not to pull it off the mantle.

They turned to Break and Sharon, who glanced at each other, their mischievous grins fading into more somber, reminiscent expressions.

“It was Break’s idea,” Sharon answered.

“Well, I can’t take all the credit—“

“It’s for my mother…That has become something of a tradition as well. We just thought it would be nice, to have something to remember her by during the Christmas season.”

The tone in the room quieted; the rest of them knew that Shelly was Sharon’s mother, who had died sometime after Oz’s coming of age ceremony.

“That’s…actually really sweet,” Oz noted, “Break, I’m surprised you thought of it!”

“You think you’re cute, don’t you? And you say that like I’m cruel.”

“Well…” Oz rubbed the back of his neck, smiling nervously, trying to formulate a non- insulting answer in his mind.

“I think what Oz is trying to say,” Reim started out gently, then finished harshly, “Is that it’s high time you realized you can be a jerk, Xerxes!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say jerk’…” Oz began.

“I would,” Gil mumbled.

“My…I cant believe that you all….” Break began softly, then Emily jeered,

“Just figured that out now!”

The anger was evident on all of their faces.

“Really, why are you all ganging up on me,” Break grinned, without a hint of hurt in his voice, “when you should be focusing on the task at hand?”

“Because it’s your fault we’re in this mess!” Gilbert shouted, then ran his hand frustratedly through his hair, observing the mess they had made of the room, before demanding, “Is it in this room?!”

“Given up already, have you?” Emily teased.

Gilbert clenched his hands into fists, biting back a retort.

“Did anyone see him leave the room?!”

Everyone looked at Gilbert blankly, or up at the ceiling, trying to think if they had, realizing they had no idea, and knew full well Sharon could have used Eques to transport him when their backs were turned anyways. Gilbert put his hands on his hips, sighing at their silence “Alright. We have a whole manor to look through, it’s best we move on from this room,” he paused, turning again to Break, with malice in his eyes, “Right?”

“Sure, kiddo!” Emily replied, and he gave the fakest grin yet.

Gilbert gritted his teeth, then shook his head, directing them,

“Let’s split up; Ada, you go down the left hall, Stupid Rabbit, you take the right. I’ll go downstairs.”

“I won’t let you down, Seaweed-Head!” Alice sped down the hall, not even searching, as if she had forgotten the task she’d been given.

Ada nodded, “Come on, Snowdrop, Kitty!” she called to her cats.

Oz sighed, “Alright, fine. I’ll help too.”

Gilbert smiled, about to thank him, when Oz added,

“But I expect to be rewarded for my troubles!”

His servant rolled his eyes.

“I kinda need to know what it looks like, though, don’t I, Gil? You seemed to want to keep it a secret earlier.”

“You’ll…um….You’ll know it when you see it,” Gilbert looked anywhere but at his master.

Oz sighed, putting his hands on his hips, “Really? That kinda makes things harder, you know.”

“Oh, not up to the challenge, are you Oz-kun?” Break goaded.

“No, no, I can do it! I just feel like we’re not addressing a key part of the puzzle here!”

With that Gilbert pulled him out of the room and into the search.

Gilbert was right; it did seem like a bit of a waste of an afternoon; exhausting wasn’t the only word that came to mind after rifling through each room one by one, with no clue as to where it might be. Especially because the feeling began growing in them that Gilbert was way too attached to things, as well as that Break was, indeed, a jerk. They didn’t know how much time had passed before they met up again in the hall, everyone hanging their heads in shame and disappointment.

“What should we do?” Ada asked quietly.

“We can’t let the clowny bastard win!” Alice slammed a fist into her other palm to emphasize her point.

“That’s right!” Gilbert agreed, “For years I had to put up with his constant teasing, it’s high time we got him back!”

“I don’t think losing the bet is really going to make him stop. I mean, he’s lost before, right?”

“You don’t have to be so blunt about it!” Gilbert complained.

“Sorry,” Oz shrugged.

In the moment of silence that followed, Ada’s cat started rubbing against Oz’s leg, as if trying to comfort him.

“What do you think, Snowdrop?” Oz asked jokingly, picking up his sister’s cat, (Gilbert eyed it, a whine developing in his throat, scooching away), “Do you have any idea where it is?”

Oz gasped.

“What is it, Onii-chan?”

Tied into the cat’s collar was a ribbon, attached to a little ornament. He pulled it free and placed the cat on the floor (it meowed and padded away).

The other three gasped in turn, leaning in to get a better look at it.

“That bastard!” Gilbert slammed his fist into the wall behind him. “He knew I wouldn’t go near your cats!”

“Yeah,” Oz laughed, “leave it to Break to take the cheap shot.”

“What are we waiting for?!” Alice demanded, “Didn’t I just say we can’t let the clowny bastard win!”

“You’re right!” the others said together, and bolted down the hall.

“We found it!” Oz held the ornament high, like a trophy, as they burst through the door.

At the same moment that he held up the evidence, the hour chimed.

They each glanced at each other, then at the clock, which read exactly 18:00.

“My, my, isn’t this an interesting turn of events?” Break remarked, stretching, “It looks like it’s a tie, Ojousama.”

“It would appear,” Sharon smiled “In that case, would you please excuse me for a moment?” she gathered her dress and hurried out of the room.

“So, which one of you found it?” Break asked, walking over to them.

“I did.”

The prankster smirked, “What did I tell you?” he ruffled Oz’s hair, “Oz-kun’s sharp.”

“So… what does that mean about your wagers?” Oz tried to put his hair right. “Since you tied?”

“Just a moment Oz-kun,” he put his hand on Oz’s head, his sleeve falling over his eyes, and looked over their heads

Sharon quickly did return, a little out of breath, holding a small package wrapped in a ribbon.

“Here you are, Break!” she held it out for him.

He took it from her and unwrapped it, opening the little red box to reveal that it was filled with the the candy she had promised.

“Just the thing I needed” he patted her head, unwrapping a piece and tossing it into his mouth. “Better luck next time, Ojousama,”

Oz and Alice stared at him, open-mouthed, dumbstruck that he had beat them.

“Now I suppose I should get started on that dessert of yours,” he waited until the proper moment to add.

“Please do.”

“Huh?” Oz and Alice asked simultaneously.

“Since we tied,” Sharon spoke, as they both turned to them, “we both win.”

“So…does that mean the clown still has to swear off candy?” Alice asked hopefully.

“No—Unfortunately,” Sharon added, glancing at her servant, who rolled his eyes, eating another piece, “We both get the rewards of the wager, but no one gets the punishment.”

“More in the Christmas spirit, wouldn’t you agree, Ojousama?” he said between candy crunches.

“Since when do you care about ‘Christmas spirit’?!” Gilbert demanded.

“Better luck next year, I guess,” Oz tried to put a positive spin on it.

“Next year?!” Alice fumed, “I want to settle this now!” (Gilbert held Alice by the neck of her jacket.)

“Believe me,” Reim grunted, eyeing Break, “it’ll only end worse for you,”

“Who knows?” Break shrugged, “There may not be a next year, Oz-kun.”

Alice continued to seethe while the others glanced at each other, unsure of how to respond to such a statement.

“There you go again,” Reim scolded. “You can’t just mention something like that!”

Break dismissed him with a wave of his hand, chuckling to himself, and muttering something about his uptightness, as he made his way down the hall to the kitchens.

After Break left, Oz looked down at his hand, opening his fingers to reveal the little clay, painted oddity he was still holding. Alice came behind him and looked over his shoulder at it.

“What…is it?”

“You didn’t know what you were looking for?!” Gilbert questioned.

“Because you never told me, Seaweed-head!”

Gilbert looked away, clearly wanting to bite back, but without argument with which to do so.

Oz shook his head, staring at it. It was rather crudely made, ineptly painted. But he couldn’t mistake it for anything else—and Gil had been right, he did know it when he saw it.

Because he was the one who made it.

“I can’t believe you kept this, Gil.”

Gilbert looked away, nodding and turning red.

Now he understood why Gilbert was so intent on getting it back. This ornament had probably become a symbol to Gilbert—much like Shelly’s stocking on the mantelpiece was for Break and Sharon—for Oz himself. This ornament, through the years, had probably become tied to his faithful valet’s unending hope that his master would come back. Each year Break took it, as if teasing that perhaps he wouldn’t (and, maybe this was his roundabout way of him trying to prepare him for that), but Gilbert always got it back, as if displaying that he would never lose that hope.

“Oy! What is it?!” Alice demanded again, upset her ‘manservant’ wasn’t focusing all his attention on her.

“It’s a bird, Alice,” Oz answered simply.

“Really, how do you figure?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t look very good does it?” Oz laughed.

“Seaweed-head, why would a crappy ornament like this be your favorite?”

“Oy! You don’t see me criticizing your bad taste!”

“Bad taste?! I have impeccable taste! I eat meat every day!”

“That’s not what—”

“Its because I made it for him,” Oz answered her question quietly.

“You?” Alice laughed, slapping him on the back, “You have pretty poor skills, Oz.”

“Give me a break! I was a kid!”

Oscar laughed, walking up to them, “You’re still a kid, Oz. Yes…I can’t remember how old he was, but he made me, Ada, and Gilbert ornaments,” he laughed a little, putting his arm around Gilbert, “I remember how offended Gil was at his master making him a gift.”

“Yeah,” Oz laughed, they all looked up at Gil, who got steadily redder the more they spoke, “We had to force him to accept it.”

“Why are you surprised he kept his, Onii-chan?” Ada asked, “Uncle and I kept ours. They’re back at the Vessalius manor. But! we could bring them over here if you want!”

“That’s okay, I believe you! Still… Like Alice said, they don’t look very good.”

“But, like you said, you were the one who made them for us,” Oscar ruffled his nephew’s hair.

“What were the ornaments you made for them, Oz?” Alice asked.

“Well, I made Ada a little cat, and uncle Oscar a camera. I didn’t really know what Gil liked, so I just made him a bird. Funny, how your chain is Raven now.”

“How come you haven’t made me one, Manservant?!” Alice hit Oz on the head.

“Hey! I’ve been busy!” he rubbed the spot where she hit him.

“In any case,” Alice turned to Gilbert, jumping quickly to the next subject, “now you can make my meat, Seaweed-head!”

“Break’s using the kitchen, Stupid Rabbit!”

“Then let’s go to the market! I’m starving!”

Gilbert sighed into his hand, “Fine. Let me get my hat and coat.”

“Can I come with you guys?” Ada asked—Alice looked peeved, but Gil and Oz had already welcomed her.

“I’ll go check if Break needs anything!” Oz ran off towards the kitchen.

As Oz arrived, he saw that Break had changed out of his white coat and purple shirt into more casual closing—likely so he wouldn’t ruin his normal outfit. He had rolled up the sleeves, and was wearing a pink apron Gil sometimes wore when he cooked for them here, but which probably belonged to Sharon’s grandmother, or mother. He had already begun to make a mess of things; flour was all over the counter, chocolate was on the walls, somehow there were even ingredients in in his hair.

“You need some help?” Oz asked, half-jokingly.

Break looked up.

“Oz-kun,” he noted, then grinned, “You? Help me? Gotten bored of Gilbert-kun, and Alice-kun already?”

“Nah. I just wanted to know if you needed anything. We’re going to the store.”

Oz knew that Break could have asked for help from the staff, or Gilbert, but Sharon called him ‘Mr. One-Man-Show’ for a reason; sure, it might not taste or look all that good, but at least he would have made it himself.

“You really think I wouldn’t have come prepared?”

“But, if you won, you wouldn’t have to make—”

Oz gasped. Realizing something:

They both had bought the supplies ahead of time. Oz thought one of them would have to go to the store, depending on who won the bet, (perhaps dragging the other begrudgingly along), but they both had already bought the necessary ingredients. Which meant, either the food one of them bought would go to waste, or be used in some other way, or, regardless of who won or lost, they still intended to give each other the gifts.

“You already had the ingredients,” Oz thought out loud. “and Sharon-chan already had your candy...”

“So?”

“I would have thought one of you would have to go to the store, depending on who won.”

“What’s your point, Oz-kun?” Break pushed his hair back.

Oz shook his head, grinning like he now had some secret information. “Break, you really are a nice guy, aren’t you?”

Break put his hand on the table, turning to him, “Wipe that cheeky grin off your face before I do it for you.”

Oz put his hands behind his back, sauntering closer.

“Oh, nothing,” he whistled, “Just that, well, you do this every year, don’t you? Sharon likes to give you a taste of your own medicine if you lose, but you both use this an excuse to give each other extra gifts, don’t you? I bet it was your idea in the first place.”

“How do you know we weren’t planning to use the supplies in some other way?”

“Because you’re not considerate enough to let others use your stuff,” he grinned, “Didn’t you just say there would be punishment in store if I got your candy?”

“Well,” he smirked at Oz’s discovery, twirling the spoon in his hand, “‘nice’ would be stretching it. But maybe occasionally I’m not a complete ‘jerk.’”

Oz grinned. That was all the confirmation he needed.

As if he were brandishing a sword, Break flicked chocolate on Oz’s face with the spoon, “Now get out of here.”

Oz rolled his eyes.

“Good luck, Break!”

With that he exited the room, and ran to the front door to catch up with Gil, Ada, and Alice, who were gathered there, waiting for him.

“Break doesn’t need anything!” he called to them, “Let’s go!”

At first it may have seemed like a waste of time, but, in the end, Oz realized; an afternoon playing a game, learning that after ten years Gil had still cherished the small gift he had once been reluctant to accept, seeing how Sharon and Break found ways to bring each other joy, spending time with his friends, spending time with his real family, would never be a waste of an afternoon for him.

[choicesfanatic86]

If Only:  Chapter 18

DISCLAIMER:  All characters belong to Pixelberry Studios, except characters unique to my story.  Those belong to me. ;)

PAIRINGS:  Liam x Riley (MC)

SUMMARY:  And they're off to Cordonia!  Riley and Liam have a heart to heart about what to expect when they arrive in Cordonia.

TAGS - If you would like to be tagged for If Only, please message me.  I am reworking all of my fan fiction, and I know that a lot of people may no longer be in the fandom, or maybe they no longer want to follow If Only.  If that is the case, I didn't want to unnecessarily tag someone.  So please, let me know if you would like to be tagged for future updates of this piece.

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11/25/2019 - It has been over a year since I updated If Only, and I feel absolutely sick about it.  I apologize for not updating as regularly as I should have.  I came back in May with the intent to keep writing and bring new stories to the fandom, but my world got rocked with a horrible family situation.  I went MIA initially because I had a family emergency come up in September of 2018.  My father was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer.  He became stable at the beginning of May which prompted me to feel a bit reinvigorated to write again.  We were thrown for a loop when he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of May after a brief period of stabilization. His kidneys shut down and he went into respiratory failure.  Ironically, the cancer may have weakened him, but it wasn't his cause of death.  I was a wreck.  I've slowly gone through the grieving process and wanted to try my hand at writing again.  I can't promise you I'll be consistent, but I'm going to try. Thank you all for the amazing support and thoughts.  Thank you for your sweet reviews.  I will be going through all of them. <3

Chapter 18

Riley was certain of one thing – she would always find herself awestruck at being able to fly on a private airplane.  She hadn’t traveled all that much before, but when she did, it was a pain.  The astronomical cost of airline tickets, the long lines, the long list of TSA security no-nos that she could never seem to grasp . . . all of it made the whole prospect of travelling more of a nuisance than anything else.  Traveling with Liam, on the other hand, had been nothing but a dream since the moment they got to the airport.  Liam once again took charge guiding her to where they needed to check in.  Things at the airport had gone just as smoothly as they had when they left Las Vegas.  Actually, it had gone even smoother than Las Vegas since they were flying out internationally and that terminal had not been nearly as crowded as the domestic terminals.  Liam once again breezed by as Riley trailed behind him, still unaccustomed to the life of private jet-setting.  She still found the entire thing to be a bit surreal.  What normally would have been a two hour process had only taken them twenty minutes.  Apparently, the life of royalty had some major perks.

A little over an hour later, Riley found herself sitting on the private plane that was scheduled to take them to Cordonia.  She stared absently out of the plane’s window as she contemplated how differently her life had ended up than what she had planned out over the years.  For one, she never, ever saw herself sitting on a private plane as they waited for the all clear for takeoff.  For another, she never thought she’d get married to a complete stranger on a whim – in Vegas, no less.  Then again, she also never thought she’d ever meet someone like Liam.  She bit her lip lightly as she watched him joke around with the flight crew.  Apparently, he knew all of them quite well.  They weren’t treating him like a prince, but rather an old friend who they were excited to see.  But that was the thing about Liam – despite his royal roots, he seemed like such an average, ordinary, everyday guy.  He was genuinely a good guy - somebody you could sit around and have hours of conversation with and never got bored.  She smiled and watched as he fawned over pictures of one of the flight attendant’s newborn grand-daughter.  He never fell short of amazing her.  She had always pictured herself winding up with some sort of science geek, who, like her, had spent years focusing on his education to land the perfect job.  Liam was completely different.  The connection they shared was one in a million.  The time they spent together alone in her apartment had further solidified that fact.  She’d have been foolish to let him slip away from her in Vegas, and if she had, she’d likely never find that sort of connection with someone else ever again.  Their relationship wasn’t something that you could just dismiss as being a spur of the moment, one-time fling.  He made her feel alive again, and she loved how he had forced her to reevaluate the life she was living, and helped her to see that none of it was what she wanted.  It felt as if they had known each other for years instead of only a few days.  There was just something about Liam that brought out her desire for an exciting new adventure.  For the first time in years, she didn’t have a plan, and it scared the shit out of her.  There was no denying the fact that she felt like she was swimming in the deep end of the pool without any sort of lifejacket.  But, for some reason, she was okay with that, because she knew she’d have Liam by her side to help keep her afloat.  

Riley’s smile grew as he chatted with a different flight attendant about their travel plans when they got to Cordonia.  He was going on and on about how he wanted to take her to their country house to show her the orchards of apple trees.  She looked around the bustling plane – apart from the three flight attendants she had seen, she had counted four more flight attendants and two pilots on their flight.  She shook her head in disbelief.  It was crazy to think that all nine members of the flight crew were aboard just for them.  It was hard to believe that this was her life now.  

Liam grasped one of the male attendants on the shoulder as he headed back over to where she was sitting.  “You look rather deep in thought,” he murmured as he sidled into the seat next to her.

She smiled softly.  “Just thinking about what a whirlwind this has all been.  I guess it’s just hard to believe that we won’t have to listen to crying babies or fighting for space for our carry-ons in the overhead compartment.”

“I admit, those are things I have never had to worry about when I traveled,” he smirked.  “But I can imagine those sorts of things would be rather inconvenient.”

“Exceptionally so,” she chuckled.  “You’re so amazing with people, Liam.  The way you talk to them and treat them with the utmost respect regardless of your status,” Riley looked at him in admiration.  “You’re just a genuine, sweet man,” she said, clasping her hand in his.

He looked at her adoration.  “I’ve known all of them for years – since I was old enough to travel with my father,” he smiled.  “They’re like another set of family members.  The older woman I was talking to?  Dolores?  She just welcomed her first granddaughter.  My father gave her some time off to spend with the new baby,” he explained.  “Being royal doesn’t make you any less human.  Having compassion and being respectful are just decent things to do,” he explained as he squeezed her hand back.

“Well, you don’t see a lot of that in New York,” Riley mused.  “And I’ll be honest, people can become a bit snooty when power goes to their head.  Trust me.”  She thought of the many rude people she encountered as she walked along the streets of New York City.  There was always some guy in a total rush with a cell phone pressed against his ear and a briefcase swinging from his hand pushing his way down the sidewalk trying to get the next available cab.  New York people were savage.

Liam chuckled at her observation.  “Quite true, love.  I assure you, that is just how I was raised.  I just couldn’t live with myself if I treated anyone with anything but the respect that they deserve.”

“You are one in a million, Liam Rys.” She smiled broadly, squeezing his hand tightly.

“As are you, Riley Rys,” he winked at her.  

She blushed as she changed the subject.  “So, do we have any layovers or are we landing straight in Cordonia?”

He shook his head.  “No stopovers, that’s not how private jets work, love.  The flight should take about eight hours tops,” he explained.  “We’ll be arriving in Cordonia at around 7:30 in the morning.”

“Wow, that early?” Riley asked.  

“The time difference will take a bit getting used to, especially since you’ve lived in New York your whole life,” he explained.  “The early arrival will be beneficial to us, I’m sure.  I doubt the press will have caught wind that we’re arriving that early.  It might give us enough time to get you to the palace without the mad rush of press on our tails,” he reasoned.

“The press?” She asked, her eyes widening.

Just as Liam was about to explain further, the pilot came over the loudspeaker announcing that they would be preparing for takeoff.  Riley inhaled deeply as she felt the power and speed of the plane push forward as it readied itself for take off.  She was momentarily distracted from the idea of the press and what exactly he meant about them being on their tails.

When they reached a comfortable elevation, the captain came over the loudspeaker again.

“Your Majesties, thank you for joining us this afternoon.  We expect the flight to take roughly eight hours, and we are expecting clear skies and smooth travel.  Should you need anything, please let any one of our staff attendants know and they will be glad to assist you with whatever you may need,” the voice boomed.

“Was he talking to me, too?” She asked, her eyes widening once more.

“Well, yes, love.  You are the future Queen of Cordonia.  It is only right that he address you as such,” he explained.

Riley knew that marrying Liam automatically meant that she was royalty, too, but having someone actually refer to her as one was crazy.  

“Your Majesties, would you like a beverage?  Wine?  Or champagne perhaps?” Dolores, the attendant Liam had been talking to earlier asked.

“Love?” Liam asked.

“Um, maybe just some water?” She asked quietly.

“Of course, Your Majesty.  Prince Liam?”

“I’m fine, Dolores,” he smiled brightly at the older woman.  “Maybe when we have our meals I’ll have a bit of scotch,” he added.

“Of course, Your Majesty,” she acquiesced as she poured Riley a glass of water.

“This is surreal,” she murmured, mostly to herself.

“Love, this is what you have to look forward to each time you travel,” he laughed.  “With our busy schedules, it only seems right that we travel as comfortable as possible.  After all, we don’t know when we’ll have a spare moment to ourselves again,” he said knowingly.

She nodded nervously, her hands fiddling about in her lap.  That’s actually what was worrying her.  What was life going to be like now that they were heading out of their Las Vegas and New York bubbles?  

Liam leaned over, clasping his hands around hers and smiled.  “You’re fine, love,” he murmured encouragingly.  “Now that I have you held captive in an airplane . . . ” he trailed off, eyeing her a bit nervously.

“What?” She asked; worry once again coursed through her body.

“Are you ready to talk about what you’ve signed up for?” He shot her a nervous smile.  He looked as if he were waiting for her to jump ship . . . or in this case, plane . . . any second.

She eyed him suspiciously, taking a large gulp of her cold water.  “You act as if I just signed up to go to war or something,” she chuckled anxiously.  “I know you don’t want to scare me, Liam, but I think I can handle whatever they’re going to throw my way,” she said.  Think being the operative word.  She talked a good game and tried her best to calm the quaking nerves inside of her, but in truth, she was absolutely petrified.  She had no clue how to be a princess . . . let alone a queen when that time inevitably arrived.  How on earth was she going to manage it all while still getting to know her new husband?

“I don’t mean to sound so cryptic,” he explained apologetically.  “I suppose I just wanted to prepare you for what might happen when we arrive,” he said vaguely.

“Are you expecting a grand welcome?” She arched an eyebrow.

“Well, possibly,” he admitted.

Her eyebrow arched a bit higher.  “Oh,” she said nervously.

“To be quite honest, I’m not sure what to expect.”  He ran his hand nervously over the back of his neck, and looked at her bashfully.  “Our early arrival does buy us some time as I mentioned, but I’m honestly not too sure what the Cordonian people have been told.  I’m not sure if they’ve publically announced the end of my engagement to Olivia,” he said uncertainly.  “In fact, I’m not sure if they even announced that we’ve gotten married.”

“And if they have?” Riley asked.

“If they have, then you can expect the press to be hounding us until they get a printable story,” he sighed.  “It’s the nature of the press, love.  They have a hunger for a scandal . . . the more prominent the person, the more desirable the story,” he said glumly.

“And being the heir to the Cordonian throne, any story about you would be explosive,” Riley said, understanding where he was going with his explanation.  The press wouldn’t let the story rest until they had every single detail about the end of his engagement to Olivia and their subsequent marriage in Vegas.  They were in for one hell of a welcome if that were the case.  She shook her head hesitantly.  The idea of being hounded by the press wasn’t something she was particularly looking forward to.  She had never paid attention to those sordid, trashy tabloids back home.  She had always thought that it was grossly negligent to publish half-facts and over-exaggerations.  This was the conversation that she had been worried about.  Up to this point, everything had been a vague and distant idea that she had formulated inside of her head, but as Cordonia loomed closer and closer in front of them, at some point they’d have to discuss the elephant in the room, and apparently, Liam had decided that “some point” was right then and there.

“I wish I could say that this will be easy, love . . . but it won’t.  I wish I could take the burden of the scrutiny of the press and the people and my family away so that you would never have to endure a single unpleasant moment.  But having lived this life in the limelight for as long as I have . . . I know that many will have . . . reservations,” he explained hesitantly.

“Reservations?” She asked, slightly confused.

“They may publish some untrue things about you . . . they may suspect we got pregnant out of wedlock, hence the quickie marriage . . . they may even publish some nasty, untrue remarks about your friends and family . . .” he trailed off.

She winced a little.  She had never really had a thick skin growing up.  She had always been sensitive, and she didn’t like to be teased or taunted.  The idea of having a whole nation scrutinize her every move, made her physically ill.  The idea of having someone critique how she acted, what she wore, who she spent time with . . . it all felt too much.  But to have that extend to her family and friends?  She couldn’t imagine dealing with that on top of everything else.

Liam continued.  “Olivia was a well-liked Duchess, and although the marriage was arranged, I’d imagine that many may not take kindly to the broken engagement . . . and our subsequent union,” he reasoned.  

“Like Bertrand,” she arched a questioning eyebrow.

“Yes, like Bertrand.  Some of the people of Cordonia are traditionalists.  They may not be so welcoming to the fact that I have married someone not of the country.  Not of Europe for that matter,” he explained.  “But I have no doubt that once they get to know you . . . the you I fell in love with . . . all of their reservations will disappear,” he said optimistically.

“I hope so,” she said meekly.  “I know it’s going to be tough . . . I just don’t want people to hate me, you know?”

“They won’t hate you, love,” he chuckled.  “How would they hate the most amazing girl I’ve ever met?”

Riley sighed, leaning closer into him.  “You were engaged, Liam.  To a woman you have had a friendship with for most of your life.  Are you telling me that she’ll warmly open her arms and welcome me to the palace?”

Liam grimaced in reply.  “Well, obviously not.  Olivia will prove to be a difficulty.  Of that, I’m quite sure.”

“And your parents?”  Riley added.  “You got into quite the tiff with your father before we left.”

“As did you,” he reminded her.  “My father and stepmother will come around.  Once they realize that Cordonia’s future will not be in any jeopardy and that the monarchy will continue, they will warm to the idea of our marriage.  It will take time, love.”

She nodded.  She sucked in a long breath.  She needed to be strong.  As long as she had Liam by her side, she knew they’d be able to overcome whatever difficulties that were headed their way.

“We’re going to get through all of this together, Riley.  I will never forget how much you’re giving up for me . . . for us,” he said passionately.

She leaned in for a soft kiss.  Liam deepened the kiss before pulling himself away.  “I have such a hard time controlling myself around you,” he said breathily.

“Let me distract you.  Tell me about Cordonia.  Not about the press or the bad stuff we might encounter,” she shook her head.  “If I’m moving to a brand new country, I should know everything there is about it.  The internet wasn’t too helpful.  I guess it’s so small that not a lot of people actually know a whole lot about it,” she frowned.

He nodded.  “It is small, but I assure you it has a rich history.  A history that you and I are now a part of,” he smiled.  “I’ll happily answer any questions you’d like about Cordonia, but I think that the best way to get to know our beautiful country is to experience it first hand in person,” he said.

“I’m looking forward to seeing everything,” she agreed. After a brief moment, she asked another question. “So, can I get a job when we get there?  Or is that sort of not allowed.  I just don’t want people thinking I’m some sort of gold-digger.  Your friends already accused me of being a crown-chaser, and I don’t want people thinking that I don’t want to work . . . because I kind of do?  I mean, I don’t really know what I could do considering I have a degree in Biology   . . . and I’m a medical school drop out . . . but there has to be something right?” she rambled out

Liam stared at her as if she had three heads.  She supposed it was a silly question.  Did royalty work?  She tried to think back on the lives of various royal figures - did Princess Diana have a job? What about Princess Eugenie?  How about Duchess Kate?  Surely an independent woman such as Duchess Megan Markle kept a job?  She frowned, she was being ridiculous.  Of course they didn’t have jobs.  They were too busy jet setting alongside their husbands.  She frowned at the thought.  She had never seen herself as being a woman who relied on a man to do all of the hard work.  She hadn’t liked when Liam’s friends had thought of her as being a crown-chaser, and she certainly didn’t want the rest of the public thinking the same thing.  Shouldn’t she be able to prove that she’s way more than just some woman that Liam met in Las Vegas?  She wanted to contribute in someway . . . even if she didn’t know exactly how she could contribute.

“You don’t have to work, love.  I told you that.  You will want for nothing the moment you set foot inside the palace,” he assured her.

“That’s such a strange concept,” she frowned.  “Not working . . .I mean, I went to college, got my degree, held quite a few jobs over the years, and now I just . . . do nothing?” she pursed her lips.  “I don’t want people to think that I married you for anything other than love,” she said softly.

“Being Queen is a job in itself Riley,” he explained.  “You’ll be expected to plan social functions, attend political meetings, coordinate various social programs, meet with different international figures . . . although the compensation process might be quite different than what you’re used to, you will very much have a job in Cordonia,” He rationalized.  

She nodded, although she still had a hard time wrapping her head around the whole concept.  “So the whole social functions thing . . . is that like party planning?”

“Oh, love.  It is far more than just a party.  Why don’t I give you a brief history of Cordonia and some perspective on the monarchy and perhaps then you’ll understand a bit more about how important the social season is to the Cordonian people?”

She nodded eagerly, sitting up in her chair.  “I’d like that a lot actually.  I feel like I’m jumping out of a plane without a parachute when it comes to knowing anything about Cordonia.  I really don’t want my first impression with your family to be me clueless about the country I’m now a resident of,” she gave a nervous chuckle.

A few hours later, Liam had recounted a not-so-brief history of everything about Cordonia.  Riley had no idea how Liam was able to remember all of it.  She guessed having grown up there gave him an upper hand, but still.  He was able to recount every single monarch and every single duchy that.  He could even rattle off population stats that all sounded like a bunch of mumble jumble to her.

“Lords and Ladies . . . palaces  . . . waltzes . . . balls . . . court . . . my head is spinning, Liam,” she frowned.  She needed some aspirin, or maybe a stiff drink.  She hadn’t expected her Cordonia 101 class with Liam to be easy, but she had hoped that she’d be able to at least glean some information to help her survive her first few days there.  Instead, she felt like she had nothing but information overload.  She couldn’t tell you who anyone was or what city was what because all of the names and places started to merge with one another after a while.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but you’re doing remarkably well,” he said encouragingly.  “Hopefully some of the notes you took will help,” he smiled.

Yes, she had taken notes, but she had no clue what was important and what wasn’t.  She hadn’t even known Cordonia even existed before meeting Liam.  Now, she suddenly needed to know everything there was to know about the tiny country.  How on earth was she going to remember everything?  

“Trust me, love.  In time, all of this information will become second nature,” Liam beamed at her.

She snorted.  She didn’t want to tell him that she was more of a math and sciences sort of girl as opposed to being a history buff.  She couldn’t imagine a time when all of these Cordonian factoids would become second nature.

“Here.  Let’s test some of your knowledge now.  I’ll give you an easy one,” he said excitedly.  “What is the capital of Cordonia?” Liam asked expectedly.

Riley licked her lips nervously.  Her eyes scanned the notes in front of her, but she could barely make out half of her short hand.  She paused, uncertainly.  “Valtoria,” she half-asked.

“Correct,” he smiled at her proudly as he rubbed his thumb back and forth over her hand.  “You don’t give yourself enough credit.  You’ll have Cordonian culture down in no time.”

She smiled tightly in response.  She hoped he was right.  She had been taking notes off and on during their discussion, but she didn’t really know how it would help her if she got ambushed by the press.  It’s not like she could pull out a set of flash cards when she was getting interviewed.  She didn’t think that’d earn her any brownie points with the Cordonian public.  

Liam continued to quiz her on questions during the last few hours of the flight, and Riley admittedly was starting to remember some of the major things that Liam had taught her, but she still felt that all of the information she had just gained were whirling inside of her head like a tornado.  She had never wanted to excel at something so much in her life.  She felt like she was back in school, trying to cram in as much information as possible.  She just hoped it stuck.

“What if I mess up?” She asked worriedly.  “It took me years to even learn all the capitols of the fifty states,” she frowned.  “And even then I still managed to goof up every now and then,” she said, her voice laced with a bit of panic.

“Riley, love, you’re a natural at this.  You may not be Cordonian by birth, but we will have you be a star pupil on Cordonian history in no time,” he said encouragingly.  “Like I said, you’re already doing so well.”

“I don’t know how I’ll remember all of this,” she said faintly.  “There’s a reason why I went to medical school.  Liberal arts wasn’t exactly my strong suit,” she joked.

“I’ll be there to guide you, and my friends, once they get to know you, will be more than happy to provide you with some help along the way.  I happen to know that Bertrand majored in history at our university,” he said.  “I’d be happy to talk to him about perhaps giving you some private lessons on Cordonian culture,” he offered.  “He’d actually be well-suited to help you adjust to court life.”

“Bertrand  . . . yeah, I don’t think he’ll be very much inclined to help me considering he wanted to have our marriage annulled,” she sighed.  “He also seemed to think that I would be the demise of Cordonia.”

“Well, yes, remember, Bertrand is a traditionalist.  His duty to country comes before all else.  But regardless, he’s still my friend, and as such, he’ll want me to be happy.  If I ask him to help you adjust to court life, he will do it.  Begrudgingly at first, but after he sees how well suited you are as my wife, he’ll come around.”

Riley sighed.  What an optimist.  As much as she wanted to believe that Bertrand would help her, she believed that he’d probably eagerly wait for the moment for her to fall flat on her face.  She was about to ask Liam a few more questions about Cordonia when she felt a slight rumble under her feet.  She felt the plane begin to descend, and looked at Liam a bit concerned.  “What was that?” She asked in alarm.

“We’re getting closer,” he explained as his eyes peered out the window.  “It looks like we’re descending a bit to prepare for landing,” he reasoned.  His eyes grew a bit brighter as he stared out the window.  “Well, Mrs. Rys . . . if you look out to your left you’ll catch your first glimpse of your new home,” Liam beamed proudly.

Riley leaned against the window, her eyes gazing out into the distance below her.  She could just make out the aerial view of the country.  A million thoughts ran through her mind.  They were here.  They were finally here.   Riley gazed out at the shimmering blue ocean below her.  Cordonia’s coastline was breathtaking.  The little information she found on Google did nothing to prepare her for the sheer beauty of the country below her.  

She turned to Liam in awe, and he greeted her gaze with a beaming smile.  All it took for her worries to wane was a single look at Liam.  She knew this move would be hard, and she knew that she would be faced with a lot of scrutiny, and although she still had reservations about what would be like as an outsider, she knew that as long as Liam stood by her side, she’d somehow manage to pull through all of this.  

“That’s our country,” he said, leaning over her, pressing a soft kiss on the temple of her forehead.

“Our?” She whispered, still a bit overwhelmed about the reality of finally being in Cordonia.  She turned to face him, his eyes fixed on her in admiration.

“Yes, love.  The moment you said yes . . . the moment you signed those papers . . . this became all of yours,” he said proudly.

[chelsfic]

Chapter 3/18 - Safety - Bucky Barnes x OC Soulmate AU

Masterlist

A/N: I wrote this fic over the course of 2017-2018 and it was originally published on AO3. Recently, I decided to do some light revisions in order to fix inconsistencies in the POV, some awkward diction and typos. Please note–I’m aware that a lot of people love this fic just as it is. This is not a rewrite, I won’t be changing major plot points and I’m purposely leaving most of the writing alone. Just sprucing it up. Since I wrote this before I started posting fic to Tumblr, I decided to take the opportunity of posting the revised chapters here as I edit them. If you got to the end of this A/N: thank you!!!

Summary: Soulmate AU! Bucky/OFC. Our soulmarks appear at the moment of our soulmate’s birth. The Asset’s mark appears in the Spring of 1987. The words imprinted into the skin of his forearm. “Please! Don’t hurt me…”

Warnings: Kidnapping, Angst, Violence, Eventual happy ending

---

Sophie trudged through the door of her apartment feeling like her feet were made of lead. She was exhausted, confused, and emotionally wrung out. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. When you meet your soulmate you’re supposed to fall into each other’s arms, laughing, crying with the relief of finally finding one another. This was just...awful. She’d met her soulmate and lost him all in the span of ten minutes. She could feel the spark, the stirring of their nascent soulbond fluttering in her chest. But without being near each other she knew the bond would fade and die.

She spent a day and a half as a “guest” of S.H.I.E.L.D. After her nurse discharged her from the medical ward she was shuffled promptly into a glorified interrogation chamber where she spent hours answering questions about the previous day’s incident. They wanted the exact words spoken between herself and the “subject” as well as the nitty gritty details of her life leading up to this point. She sat in an uncomfortable chair, in a dimly lit room for hours while agents regularly shuffled in and out, repeating the same questions over and over. After about an hour of this Sophie grew defensive and demanded to know why she was being treated like a criminal. By the end she gave up, replying to their queries in a dull monotone until they finally released her. She was packed into a nondescript sedan and given a ride back to her apartment building.

Before she left her interrogators she joked, “So...I’m not getting the job am I?”

Once she made it inside her apartment she used her last remaining strength to lock the door behind her. She staggered over to the living room couch, collapsing downward and pulling her fuzzy throw blanket over her body before promptly falling into a deep sleep.

---

The agent dispatched to watch the girl’s apartment stood in the hallway dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. A tool box sat at his feet. He twisted a screwdriver through his fingers and waited, feigning interest in a broken light fixture whenever someone stepped out of the stairwell. He knelt to quietly rummage through the box, checking the ammo on the Glock he had stashed inside. He was crouched with his back to the wall and still the assassin got the jump on him. The Winter Soldier slid out of the stairwell soundlessly. He barely even disturbed the air of the hallway as he stalked toward the SHIELD agent. The scuffle that followed was almost totally quiet, like a fight scene in a silent movie. The end result was the agent’s unconscious body hastily stuffed into an unlocked supply closet. 

The assassin turned and stalked toward the door of the woman’s apartment. She’d decorated it with a floral wreath, the cheery shades of orange and pink at odds with the soldier’s black tactical gear. He flexed the metal digits of his left hand around the door knob, releasing the lock with a jarring crack before stepping inside.

The apartment was small, made even tinier by the placement of bookshelves along the walls of the living room. The shelves were stuffed to overflowing with books, magazines and various knick knacks that had no other home. The soldier’s long dark hair nearly brushed the ceiling, his hulking form seeming to fill the small space. He tensed, his muscles rigid in anticipation as he evaluated the space for potential enemies and escape routes. In a matter of seconds he had mentally cataloged and cleared the space. He pushed further into the living room and regarded the sleeping form of the woman whose words were imprinted into his flesh.

She slept on her stomach, one arm and leg dangling off the side of the floral print couch, a purple blanket tucked haphazardly around her. This was his soulmate? This tiny, soft, weak thing who slept through a breaking and entering? How? Why? Even as he mentally sneered at being tied to such a woman, the Soldier couldn’t deny the pang in his chest as he looked down on her. Soulbond. The word came from the recesses of his brain--from a time before.

He was considering the likelihood that she might sleep through an extraction when he felt the sudden flare of recognition in his chest. She was waking up. She curled in her limbs and released a mammoth yawn before opening her eyes.

---

Sophie emitted an undignified squeak upon waking to find a six-foot-something assassin, decked in tactical gear, innumerable weapons and a murderous facial expression, standing in her living room. Her heart hammered a mile a minute even as the tiny tug in her belly reminded her that this dangerous man was--apparently--her soulmate.

She opened and closed her mouth a few times as her brain struggled with the concept of language. For a long moment she simply lay there, curled on her side, the fuzzy purple blanket clutched in her hands. She counted four different lethal weapons strapped to his body and that was just what was obvious to her untrained eyes. Anxiety churned in her stomach even as she felt the warmth of the soulbond blooming within her. She was in no way certain of his intentions.

Finally, she sat up and spoke, “Hi.”

Well...at least it was something...

The man--the Winter Soldier, if her interrogators could be believed--didn’t respond. Sophie’s nerves went into overdrive as she waited through his silence. She watched quicksilver thoughts flash across his face. Finally, he relaxed his stance a bit and actually sat down on the edge of the couch beside her. She sucked in a breath, almost overwhelmed by his physical presence. He was so...big. And stern.

“You’re going to come with me,” he said, his voice gravelly and pitched low with just an echo of an accent that she couldn’t place.

“Oh um…” she trailed off. Her eyes flicked beyond his face to take in her front door leaning awkwardly ajar, the door knob hanging askew. She was in so far over her head. “Actually, um, we should probably get to know each other, right? A few of my friends have already met their soulmates and they all say it can be awkward at first--” 

He let out a scornful breath. She didn’t even know breath could be scornful! He seemed to be struggling with his words, like he wasn’t used to having to explain himself.

“You’re going to come with me,” he repeated before adding. “You’re...not safe here.”

With that he leaned forward to take hold of her, apparently considering the discussion over. Sophie tensed up and curled further into a ball. She could feel the confusion and aggravation rolling off of him--the bond already growing in just the few moments they’ve been near each other. She wondered if he could feel her fear. 

Apparently, yes, because he startled back as if scorched by the air between them.

“I’m not safe here?” she echoed, skepticism clear in her voice. “You’re the one who broke down my door while I was sleeping!”

Again with the stern silence. Finally, “You’re...mine. They’ll try to take you away and keep you from me.”

Sophie actually shuddered at the thought. Even if she was still partly afraid of this man--even though they’d known each other so short a time--the thought of being kept apart made her stomach twist. She felt an inexplicable bloom of affection and thought, not for the last time, How weird are soulbonds?

“Who’s going to keep us apart? S.H.I.E.L.D?”

He nodded. He seemed about to speak again when his head suddenly cocked to the side. His eyes narrowed and he unclipped a pistol from the holster on his belt. “We have to go now.”

He dove forward and threw her over his shoulder. This was getting ridiculous.

Tagged

@watsonwise​

[lunam00na]

Top 5 mistakes I made when moving cross-country

So, I figured this would be a good enough introductory post as any. I'm going to start off with a little back story just to clue you in on how I came to make these mistakes, and hopefully you'll be more prepared than I was if and when you do the big move.

In 2018 I decided to move from a very rural town in the Eastern United States to Finland. Keep in mind I had lived in this same town my entire life; my graduating class was only a few hundred people, and I had NEVER flown on a plane before. Yeah.

Yikes.

Why move so far away, you ask? Oh, don't worry, I'm getting to that part. In December of 2017 I met a guy online, from this website I had been using off and on since middle school. He and I clicked instantly, and we both fell down the deep dark rabbit hole you call love. Yep. Twitterpated.

So a few months after we had been dating, we jumped the gun and decided I would fly there to meet him and if all went well, meaning I didn't get chopped up into little bits and sent back in a suitcase (as my friends and coworkers teased), we would get married.

Picture it, Sicily 19... Something rather... Small town girl from rural farming area meets Finnish city boy. Anyway, enough about that, it can be a blog for another time.

So there's how I came to make these mistakes...

1) FOOTWEAR

- Guys, I cannot stress to you enough how much this matters. I wore FLIPFLOPS throughout my ENTIRE journey to Finland. In total I believe I flew for around 18 hours.. Went through like 4 different airports. By the time I made it to my husband's apartment my feet were basically nonexistent. For a frequent flier this may not be an issue, but for someone who doesn't fly or travel often... For the love of God don't wear sandals.

2) LUGGAGE

- Travel lightly, but not too lightly. Originally before the move I had purchased a gigantic pink wheely suitcase from Walmart. Had full intention of stuffing that bad boy to the brim with clothes. But a couple days before my flight was leaving I realized if I had this huge suitcase I would have to check it on every single flight and drag it around through every airport, and risk it getting lost or tampered with during the process. So, I took the big pink monster back and heavily downgraded... To a backpack. Yup. Just your avaerage sized backpack with one or two zipper compartments. Needless to say I had to be very choosy with what I packed, so I packed some jeans, leggings, a few nice shirts and some undergarments. Along with my makeup bag, which had been thoroughly sorted through beforehand, and a hairbrush. Somehow throughout all this I had forgotten to pack my toothbrush, so my husband brought me one to the airport so I could brush my teeth as soon as I landed. LOL. Great first impression. Anywho - admist all the chaos and nerves I didn't take into account that I would probably be sweaty after all that walking.. Running... And panicking... Through the airports. So I didn't bring any shampoo or soap with me, and honestly probably wouldn't have had any room for any either because of my downgrade. After struggling to catch each flight I was a complete mess when I finally landed in Helsinki. My hair was greasy and I was sweaty and had changed into every single article of clothing that I had packed into that backpack. So if you want to make a good first impression on your potential spouse, do not be like me. Use a larger suitcase or backpack and pack your items more efficiently.

3) RESEARCH

- This one is fairly short and to the point. Do your research!!! Google the airports you will be using, the airlines, the countries you're passing through and their currencies! I did very little of this prior to flying and boy did I make a mistake. I was completely at a loss in each airport I visited. If it weren't for kind strangers and the airport staff I probably wouldn't have made it onto all my flights. I had 0 idea how airports worked. Google is your friend!

4) AIRPORT FOOD

- By now you all probably know I'm an idiot, so, I have no shame in telling you the rest at this point. If you can at all avoid it... Don't buy the food from the vendors inside the airport. Legitimately everything inside these airports are overpriced. I had very little emergency/travel money with me, so I tried to save as much as possible during my trip. Alas, I was hungry and weary from my journey so I decided to try some weird, over-priced, turkish food that I'd never before seen or heard of in my life... And some fancy ice cream... And some cool looking soda from some small convenience store... And a steak dinner from some restaurant from NY. I was stress eating, okay. Not to mention the fact that when I landed in Oslo my phone was dead and upon looking for a charging port I discovered that all the outlets were shaped differently. I had no clue that outlets were shaped differently in EU, so I had to go and spend like 20 euros on an adaptor for my charger. Refer to number 3(do your research).

5) DON'T ASSUME

- This is probably the most important one. Don't assume that everything is going to go smoothly or be easy. I assumed a lot of things about moving to Finland and I was wrong about most of those assumptions. I assumed once I was here it would be easy to find work and start studying. It wasnt. I am still searching for a job or a university to study at and it is now 2020. I assumed that I would be fine traveling for the first time by myself to a foreign country. I assumed that my then boyfriend and I would have the same connection in person that we did online - thankfully I was correct about that one. But it all could have gone so wrong. I could have missed my connecting flights or got stranded in NY or Oslo. I could have actually gotten chopped up into little bits and shipped back to the States in a suitcase, just like my coworkers and friends told me. But thankfully I didn't. All in all, I wouldn't change being here with my husband for anything. Despite how difficult and stressful... And exhausting my travels were to get here. Hopefully you won't make the same mistakes as I did when you decide to take your journey.

Thanks for having a look, will be posting more blogs soon! If you have any questions or suggestions for my next post, shoot me a PM. Would love to hear your suggestions.

Until next time, Lunam00na

[voracious-pumpkira-starr]

VORE COMMUNITY PSA

False information was spread about me with very little truth. While some is truth, others are either taken from untrustworthy sources or were said by people whom are enemies i made in the past to make me more hated. I dont know if all of you know the post im refering to, i wont link it here but it has been causing me a lot if stress

Now I’m not going to deny some parts of the post because they are factual. But other parts are false. I havent blackmailed people for roleplay, and I dont charge back payments. The charging back of commissioned artwork is only from the artists point of view. And even then its heavily exxagerated. What happened was I spent too much money on porn commissions using a family members credit card on my own paypal, i paid this family member to do this of course bit they didnt know what i was buying. After i spent over $1000 CAD they realized I was spending it on porn and called paypal to charge it back. Paypal charged it back. I tried and tried to get paypal to send the money back but they locked me out of the account and the family member refused to let me send the money to them. Since then I was only able to pay back one artist of many, its not just artists. Paypal took back all payments and I even lost some of my art programs such as Clip studio EX because of this. Ive also lost many mobile apps and more. This caused me a lot of stress and I wasn’t allowed to use a credit card for a long time. Now, You know who. A certain artist who made these claims. Yes I admit I tried to roleplay with them but I will be honest. This is a honest statement from my own mouth. There is many many people in the community who KNOW I’m sumlur and are of age who roleplay with me and I wont name them to keep them same from harassment. Im not innocent but neither are the people like YOU who spread this information. And I will send you this post privately. Yes it is not my place to be in the vore community but because I have it helped with my depression and I learned many things that made me better as a person. I know my mistakes and I understand even when 2021 comes I will be hated in the community or even not let back in at all. But all I’m going to say. Is that yes I was immature and regret a lot of my decisions. But i stopped ban evading and all that long ago. It is now 3 years since this ekas portal drama has started with me, I, because of outdated or false information spread by you and many others have been Doxxed and had my info leaked on 8chan by a user named cloud runner teeny on 12/24/2018. Its been over a year since i was doxxed and I have been struggiling with depression and at multiple times even was suicidal. I nearly killed myself on lean (purple drank). Im not asking for pity because we both know I did aome messed up shit but making a PSA about me and spreading things from your point of view is only half the story. Many people have harassed my social media because of this or even turned me into a laughing stock. So here, if it makes you happy Cham. I’ll make a statement right here right now publically for all to see. If i lose friends for this then whatever it is what it is. It took me a lot of guts and a long time to say this but the stress has gotten to much for me. for the sake of peace I’ll admit to everything Chammy was correct about me ane everything that was false along with some misconceptions about me: so firstly Chammy is right about my age. My birthday is 01/30/2003. I am nearly 17 years old. Chammy is also correct about me asking him for roleplay stuff. However many adults i know who know my age are fine roleplaying with me and I will make this very clear for all of tumblr and the world. Yes I know the underage law and why you think you would be at risk of becoming a sex offender. But hear me out, I’ve actually talked to online lawyers about this and there was never a statement in US Federal law about roleplaying with minors being wrong. The only thing that is bad is if your doing it with malicious intent or send real nudes. As for the age of consent, that is 16 and as far as I know you can legally have sex with anyone within 5 years apart from you as long as its not recorded at that age. So I would assume roleplay would be legal unless its recorded or screenshotted just the same. So yes although it might be risky there is almost a 100% gaurentee your not at risk unless you go bragging about it or the minors parents

Report you. And I don’t have parents, my birth parents abandoned me for a life of crime and my grandparents had custody over me since i was 2 years old. My grandparents know about my vore fetish and although they think its weird they are fine with it to some extent. I can assure you for a fact they won’t report you unless your asking me for literal nudes, which I’d never even give away. Secondly I wanted to bring up the fact I did NOT try to sneak into Cham’s server I was asking if somebody could vouch to let me in so at 18 my friend Andy (WHO KNOWS MY AGE) could vouch for me since he/you closed all invites because of people insulting male predators.

Nextly I want to say this, Chameleonette is not a bad person. They aren’t spreading lies about me on purpose they are only saying what they were told which was spread around by many people who hate me such as aljenserp, AlluringPredation, Reffles, Cloudrunnerteeny, and artists who think i charged back on purpose. Now I also want to bring up the accusations of blackmailing adults who roleplayed with me. This is false, the only adults i ever blackmailed where ones who knew my age and asked for nudes, or were ACTUAL MINORS pretending to be adults which i know for fact.

Now I will admit I exposed some of these friends as minors out of anger and lost friends for this. I regret this so i wont say which ones, But I blackmailed them about exposing their age for some fights in the past.

But I will also admit again I did some stupid shit in the past and I understand the hate I have but its been causing me lots of stress and Harassment on social media. Look cham, if you actually take the time to read this I’m sorry for everything ive done to you and the vore community but I want to say that the adults arent entirely innocent either. I caused these problems by lying about my age, joining ekas, ban evading, manipulating people, and buying art when I shouldnt have. All of it has come back to bite me in the ass. Combined with the stress from real life I couldn’t take things anymore and essentially ruined my life. As of now I dropped out of highschool because the stress was too much and couldn’t work anymore. Now I’m educationless and most likely won’t get a job. For those who are curious in one year and 29 days is when I will be 18. And if any of my friends whom dont know my age read this I want to say I’m sorry for lying. I strongly have issues and am really clingy to people I like so I end up lying to make friends. And i know many people are going to block me for this so in turn I will end up more stressed but its the most mature thing i could think to do. I would love it if nobody blocked me and we just talked like friends and save the vore stuff for when I’m 18, which I do with many of my friends already. As stated before the whole reason i joined ekas in the first place was to join a community i felt like i fit in with after getting depression from losing a friend i really cared about named anatoily

Many times in the past i used anatoily as an excuse for my actions but thats not what im doing. Anatoily if you see this i want to know im sorry for using your name as an excuse for my wrong actions. I originally joined Ekas for that purpose and used that as an excuse, on there i made many friends some of which i have even today. At one point i planned on leaving ekas but then I found somebody who reminded me of anatoily. I had an obsession with them and it led me to well ruin that friendship. Around this time i was exposed underage by Reffles on a minecraft server who had a incorectly dated birth date from a Enjin server about me claiming i was 14 when i was 15 which now i am 16 turning 17 and that link would display 15 turning 16. To explain this I want to say when I made this enjin account I mistyped the age and never bothered fixing it because I rarely used Enjin. I just used it to apply for minecraft admin positions.

I regret many of the things ive done and cant stress this enough that I’m sorry but in all honesty this is the true story of what happened with me and the vore community

In 2017 I joined ekas because my mind didn’t care about the consequences I was upset about anatoily, which isnt an excuse for my actions. I lied about my age and all was fine i was getting away with it. I met the person who reminded me of anatoily in February of 2018 whom helped me grow as an artist. I started working as a artist practicing for when I’m 18. When reffles found me out i was upset and was banned from ekas and the discord Work to Feed. I was upset for many reasons, one even being that i just got the first person ever to commission me and even today was never able to do the art or send it to them making me feel like a thief

So a lot of ban evading and ruined friendships later some problems happened with me and a friend named Aljenserp who like me was a minor. I was watching one of Silent_E’s streams and got banned because Tyrion13 recognized me. I betrayed Aljenserp like an asshole saying he was underage (i dont think he is underage anymore but he was at the time this happened) because he was a staff nobody believed me and i was banned from the stream and lost all trust aljenserp had in me. He became my enemy. Now after this a lot of people started hating me more and more, there was some drama on 8chan about me which i posted on being some idiot as i was younger and didnt know what i was doing.

This caused many people to not even feel any pity for me thinking i was stupid and deserved what i got. This was shortly before the problem happened with paypal. After that i was hated immensely more and many people startee saying some stupid rumors about me

One really dumb one was from the ekas user ExplosiveWaifu who has a Dragon OC named Lydia. Goes by DragonWaifu on discord. In one instance i was talking to Lydia about how one of my friends was a Maoist communist and his beliefs and how i support him because he is my friend. She believed because he had communist beliefs and i supported him that i was a terrorist and ceased all Communication with me for this. Another false rumor about me was spreaded by a friend of Explosivewaifu who i cant name as they are always changing their name. she is a trans woman, me and her used to talk a lot and whenever she got drunk she would well... be really irl lewd with me so i started calling her a pedophille (which is where the blackmail stuff ties in partially though i didnt blackmail her it was somebody else)

Many times this friend while sober would claim that i act to mature and that I couldnt be a minor, thus a rumor spread around that inwas a adult pretending to be a minor to get kicked out of the community for purposfully causing drama to make people think im a believable minor so i could easily prey on minors like a pedophille... honestly this is a really dumb rumor and dunno why it was believed by anybody at all

Next I want to talk about the ID theft accusations. Mettra Tonic gave me a health band from the hospital which in July of 2018 i tried to use as a ID to get me unbanned and it failed, this led to trust issues with Mettra who also spread false information about me which is mostly well known for the accusations of blackmail against her friends who were minors. There was another ID issue with a man named worthylightning and Kobayashi whom I tried to. Let them both help me get unbanned because friendship. It didnt work and i felt bad.

Lastly the only true case of ID theft is the one with reffles. Reffles gave somebody her ID who gave me the ID and I cropped out the age part of her ID and tried to use it. I since regret this action but i wouldnt concider the age part alone to be ID theft.

There was also accusations that I steal artwork which i dont own which is false. All artwork of Pumpkira is owned by me, either drawn by me, won in a raffle, requested, or given to me as a gift.

Moving on later in the year CloudRunnerTeeny doxxed me and made a group on discord called the Sumlur eradication squad where he blackmailed me and threatened to leak my info (which he did on christmas onto 8chan before it was taken down for breaking ToS) me and my friend tried to mislead him do he wouldnt Dox me and dox a fake person but this failed, made things worse infact. After that me and teeny came to a truce to leave eachother alone if i stay away from him and his friends. A promise I Semi-kept to today.

I already explained the whole issue with the art charged back, false rumors, and blackmail.

But I want to say this. Please stop sending information that is outdated or just speculation about me. Hear both sides of the story.

And yes when I turn 18 in 2021 I know I’ll still be hated and I have come to terms and accept that is my punishment for my mistakes. But please stop sending drama my way as I am very tempted to just delete all my social media at this point. Its gotten really stressful and I just cant...

Also Chammy again you aren’t a bad person i dont blame you for my hate as Its deserved. Although some of your claims were wrong or from your point of view, others were true and It is good you made a statement about me. But please tell people not to harass me and just block me. I’m going to make this post Private for a while before making it public. I want you to read this before it goes public on my Tumblr.

Lastly I heard you were feeling sick and hope you get better.

From artist to artist I have been improving my art and stories which like you one thing i hope for when im 18 is to be a successful artist or writer. Im already planning a large scale SFW webcomic as many people know. Though I feel like it is going to have a negative impact because Pumpkira is the protagonist and i gaurentee at least one person from the vore community would expost past me to everyone who reads future me’s work

Anyways thats all.

Update 2020: now 17

Update: 2021 now 18 as of January 30th 2021

[redxriiot]

Alright, I wanted to compile tidbits on the blog I’ve written with Kiri being a creepy little fucker less than pleasant things about him, here we go:

Dependence  (11/20/18) -smoking mention tw, 

Possessiveness (11/26/2018)

The fact that many a thing has been influenced by this song (12/20/18)

This fuckin’ thread/Don’t Mess with his family (3/22/19) -death mention tw

Don’t mess with his family Pt2 (3/22/19) -death tw, blood tw, mild gore tw

Loyalty (4/8/19)

This thread (4/13/19) -(yandere/quirk mishap)

Angst with a dash of vengeance (5/22/19) -death mention tw

Result of a lost temper (5/30/19) -death tw, blood tw, violence tw

Meant to have been in twin verse, but- (5/30/19) -death tw, blood tw, violence tw, violence mention tw

Late-night Self-hate (6/4/19) -eye horror tw, eye injury mention tw, eye injury tw, blood mention tw, smoking mention tw

Dedication (6/13/19)

The things he’s willing to do for strength/what he believes in (6/19/19) -death mention tw, mild gore mention tw, blood mention tw

All to be Useful (7/7/2019) -car ‘accident’ towards the end

Winning someone back (7/11/19)

In regards to Suzu (7/20/19) -blood mention tw

Fun Villain Kiri for shit’s and giggles bc I liked this thread (8/1/19) -blood tw, blood mention tw, mild gore mention tw, death tw, death mention tw, violence tw

Comparison (8/16/19)

Personality tidbits (8/22/19)

Things he’s willing to do for friends (9/2/19) -blood mention tw, gore mention tw,  homophobia tw, violence tw

Getting attached to the wrong people (9/12/19)

Vicious Villain Grudge (9/30/19) -death tw, blood mention tw, death mention tw, blood tw, gore tw, gore mention tw, mild gutspill, tw eye injury tw, eye trauma tw

More villain Kiri bc I also like this thread jjfsh (10/2/19) 

One of many musings just like this (10/7/19)

General Tidbits (10/11/19)

Dependence Pt2 (10/11/19)

Loyalty Pt2 (10/13/19)

Jealousy (10/17/19)

Obsession (10/17/19) -stalking tw

Justifying a death for the simplest reason (10/18/19) -death mention tw

Eye for an Eye, plus interest (10/21/19) -blood mention tw, gore tw, gore mention tw, briefly mentioned eye trauma tw, death mention/implied

A musing (10/21/19) -blood tw

Protectiveness (10/21/19) -(yandere), blood tw, blood mention tw, violence tw

A mention of a song (10/25/19)

Good intentions, mildly concerning way to go about it (10/25/19)

Just this mess (10/31/19) -choking tw, violence tw, mildly shippy kiri/monoma

??? (10/31/19)

Suspicion/He’s a bit of a hypocrite (11/2/19)

Good intentions, mildly concerning way to go about it Pt2 (11/4/19)

Oh look, another family musing (11/18/19)

Might have missed more, idk

[danielxrk]

                              EMPTY ENIGMA ; THE PLAYLIST ( youtube ) ( spotify )

1. ╬═  uncontainable - set it off 2. ╬═  rockstar - daddy rock (cover) 3. ╬═  bad kids - lady gaga 4. ╬═  sophomore slump or comeback of the year - fall out boy 5. ╬═  float on - modest mouse 6. ╬═  do it now remember it later - sleeping with sirens 7. ╬═  restless - too close to touch 8. ╬═  last ones left - blessthefall 9. ╬═  have faith in me - a day to remember 10. ╬═  player haters’ ball - palisades 11. ╬═  watch out - memphis may fire 12. ╬═  against the waves - blessthefall 13. ╬═  petty trappin - slaves 14. ╬═  broken - lovelytheband 15. ╬═  champion - fall out boy 16. ╬═  down for the ride - slaves 17. ╬═  this is the house that doubt built - a day to remember 18. ╬═  dream on - blessthefall (cover) 19. ╬═  immortal - palisades

1. uncontainable  ⊰ we’re taking our crown, we’re taking it now ⊱

coming out the gate, we’re swinging. empty enigma together is an unstoppable force, or at least they feel like they are-- destined for amazing things and soaring to great heights. especially on stage, they don’t back down for anything, but it applies to their true selves, too. for a bonus, daniel and woojin box, so the metaphors 👍

2. rockstar  ⊰ dude your girlfriend is a groupie she just tryna get in, saying “i’m with the band” ⊱

squall, alpha, brand, cameo and reign are wild; there has to be at least one song dedicated to it. don’t give them too much credit and think this isn’t relevant beyond the title.

3. bad kids  ⊰ i’m not that cool and you hate me, i’m a bad kid that’s the way they made me  ⊱

everyone came to empty enigma for different reasons, but all of them have at least a little rebellious bone in their body to be part of a metalcore band. there’s some defying authority, a lot of defying expectations, and a little disappointing people in their lives that don’t think the band is an honorable pursuit, at the very least. empty engima doesn’t care. all of that aside, they came together to support each other under all circumstances. you’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid, baby. 

4. sophomore slump or comeback of the year  ⊰ i’ll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it  ⊱

empty enigma is a mystery, but also a lie, based upon stage personas all of the members hide behind, giving them the power to be whoever they want to be-- different than they really are. there’s more to the song than that, though: a dedication to empty enigma’s fans, and their devotion to each other, getting through hard times, and enjoying every moment. it’s just a matter of time until we’re all found out, and they were, but at least it was on their own terms.

5. float on  ⊰ don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on  ⊱

together, they get through everything, taking everything one day at a time, and it’s all okay as long as there’s empty enigma. [sobs into my hands]

6. do it now remember it later  ⊰ remember when they said what we want can never be done? ⊱

empty enigma has had a lot of doubters, whether it’s random people or those close to the members, but in the end, they do what they want to, and the band empowers them to say so. come on say what you think, it won't mean a thing, in the end we're gonna be just fine.

7. restless  ⊰ do whatever makes us lose control, just for a night  ⊱

they all have their own troubles, but the band is an escape from that, even if it’s just for a show every weekend.

8. last ones left  ⊰ if we’re going down, we all go down together, and that’s the way it is ⊱

somehow this song ended up on this playlist when i made it the first week of the mgas, but it has new meaning following the developments of the mgas. kenta and woojin receiving contracts, everyone wanting to hang onto the band, even to the point of wishing they wouldn’t accept their contracts. the chorus reflects their original feelings, but now it’s clear they won’t stay like this forever, but they’ll still supporting each other regardless. 

9. have faith in me  ⊰ you’ll always find me right there, again ⊱

a song about how they’ll always be there for each other no matter what, even when all else fails basically, haha!

10. player haters’ ball  ⊰ wolves don’t lose sleep on the thoughts of sheep ⊱

here we have a lovely hardcore screamo song that marks the beginning of the part of this playlist dedicated to their haters, which was relevant enough before due to people hating on metalcore in general and people in their lives trying to tell them what to do. after the mgas, the relevancy increased by 200%, since daniel and kenta especially endured some hate comments and lowkey care a lot about what people think of them; empty enigma gives them strength and makes them care a whole lot less about anonymous people tearing them down. the only truth is that you’re still unknown, and empty enigma isn’t anymore.

11. watch out  ⊰ we came to change the game so get out the way ⊱

this is another self-hype song and a lil bit to haters too, and their intention to be successful and their belief that they already are just doing what they’re doing. this is another one that applies more mgas considered, because this is relevant to when they first set foot on the show. (fun fact: this was a contender for between fear and faith’s title track.)

12. against the waves  ⊰ but if it’s all the same, they’ll find the worst in you ⊱

pt 3 of songs to their haters, and a vow to stay strong in the face of them and any adversity, and the chorus applies to them wanting the band to be a source of support for people going through the same. i wonder why that “nothing can last forever” line is there haha how is that relevant haha

13. petty trappin ⊰ you say i’m everything you despise, everything you don’t like ⊱

this is the final and most relevant song dedicated to haters, all a highly applicable message to anyone that talked shit during the mgas, supercharged with some unshakable empty enigma confidence. every person that hates them is a person that can’t stop paying attention to them, after all. also a song in my potential ee follow up album playlist because they truly could’ve written this song.

14. broken ⊰ i like that you’re lonely, lonely like me, i could be lonely with you ⊱

all of the members were a little broken, and maybe they still are, but at least they’re broken (and maybe a little lonely) together where they didn’t quite fit in anywhere else. daniel also met most of them late night at a party, so that’s a bonus. (extra bonus: this is the first song i ever associated with ee; i think it was back in october 2018 or something and that think i could love you but i’m not sure line always made me think of nielwoon, perhaps i’m a psychic.)

15. champion ⊰ i’m a champion of the people who don’t believe in champions ⊱

one of the last songs added to the playlist, this is dedicated to their dreams and touches back on that constant theme of being some kind of outcast and underdog. it also highly applies to the mgas (if i can live through this, i can do anything) but this playlist was still finished by episode two of the show, so that i’m calling you from the future to let you know we made a mistake line was foreshadowing?? ee mgas was a mistake. maybe

16. down for the ride ⊰ taking over, feeling at home with you ⊱

empty enigma is home, as a band or just the friends that make it up. they leaned a lot from each other, and the band was a crazy ride-- one they’re still on together and might be too attached to. (moving forward, learn to let go.)

17. this is the house that doubt built  ⊰ we’ll sing like everyone when they’re alone ⊱

a mix of several moods on the playlist: empty enigma as an escape, strength and something that makes them feel fearless, and teamwork on top of that. it’s also a bit of a reference to their secret identities, why they used them, and what they’ve learned from them. (when you find yourself please let me know.)

18. dream on  ⊰ sing with me, just for today; maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away ⊱

the original intent of this song in the playlist was because this was probably a cover on the band’s early setlists, and you know, the whole concept applies to people going after their dreams together and performing to cope with everything, but post disbandment(?) this hits different. don’t make me explain it and just listen to it. thank you.

19. immortal  ⊰ i’m not dying, no i’m not dying today ⊱

this is the band’s lead single on their first album. please proceed to between fear and faith.

[ibitchytimemachine]

Chapters: 8/8 Fandom: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Vegebul - Fandom Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Bulma Briefs/Vegeta Characters: Vegeta (Dragon Ball), Bulma Briefs, Son Goku (Dragon Ball), Piccolo (Dragon Ball), Android 17 (Dragon Ball) Additional Tags: Vegebulocracy Big Bang, VBO Big Bang 2018, Alternate Universe, AU, Mafia AU, Romance, Angst, Action, Enemies to Lovers, Smut, multi-chapter, Dragon Ball AU, Vegebul AU, vegebul smut is the best smut, Lemon, vegebulocracy, VBO, Big Bang Challenge Series: Part 1 of Retribution Summary:

Raised in the shadows, Vegeta’s sole purpose in life was to avenge the destruction of his family. The key to his victory laid in the hands of Bulma, the daughter of the enemy, and not even the strange connection he feels with her will keep him from raining his furious retribution upon all who had dared cross his bloodline.

For the TPTH Fic Club this month we read @scarletraven1001‘s Retribution. I have done a down and dirty review a while back when I did mini reviews of all the fics for the VBO Big Bang, but lets dig a little deeper, thoughts below the cut!

So first and foremost lets talk about what Scarlet does really really well. She is masterful at creating believable characterizations. And something that I have noticed is even though they all have the same canon/fanon feel as you would think they should in a canon or canon divergence fic, she takes those building blocks of personality traits and elaborates on them to fit her specific story. Sometimes Goku is a sweet, lovable clown, and other times he is almost the rock for Vegeta. Its a real special gift Scarlet has for this. Also, very rarely does she fall into the trap many of us fanfic writers do of making one dimensional characters. 

Also she comes up with the most interesting ways to incorporate winks and nods to canon in an alternate universe. They are hardly ever blatant and sometimes you really have to know what you are looking for to catch them, but there are always really great references to canon in her works. Besides Vegeta being blown up (poor ‘geets), which is another fantastic wink at the readers, I really loved the inclusion of Vegeta’s space pod as a toy he used to play with. And the fact that it changed hands, and even became a mini plot point later in the fic was special. I hope it comes back in part two, cause I want to keep seeing this little space farers journey.  

So I mentioned in my original review that it reminds me of Oceans 11 movies with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, with a character having a specialized role within the unit. When 18 leaves the group, it makes me wonder who is gonna fill her spot. She's the getaway driver, and as far as I know no one else is really good at that. We see Piccolo driving at the end but he ends up having to ditch the car. I feel like the character 18 is one that would have figured out how to not ditch the car, so I wonder how her absence is gonna affect later plot points. I would also like to see what her Krillin is like... so hopefully he makes an appearance later too when the action gets pumped up in part two. 

Really book one of Retribution feels more like the first act of a play. We know what the problems in the story are, we have been introduced to the world, and the characters, and even have had the first mini climax  ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° The romantic subplot is on point. They quickly fall in love, but the relationship is deep seated in childhood friendship. It is also hinted at physical attraction from the beginning of the story, so it doesn’t feel like insta-love. I don't think I need to mention how nicely Scarlet writes smut, but just incase someone out there doesn’t know, her smut is fantastic. It’s both erotic AND romantic, which I gotta admit is not something you see often. Smut is either romantic, or its panty soaking in a lot of fics, but with her smut it’s BOTH. 

I am so disappointed in how this ends. It is truly a cliffhanger of epic proportions. Bulma is lost to Vegeta, and Raditz is also gone (although I do have questions about this asshole in the guard house.....) and the WAIT FOR BOOK TWO!!! It is painful. Honestly though, this is my favorite story she has written, and I gotta say coming from the writer of Insurrection, Linked, and The Final Price (all great fics, click those links and read them if you haven't already read them) I came into this story with expectations. I really and truly hope that part two lives up to my expectations. Part one has really set up a wonderful premise that is right up my alley (much lighter in tone than some of the other stuff I rave about so if y'all are worried about that its not dark and heavy) and has romance, intrigue, enough plot to hold up under scrutiny and great characterizations. 

I am honestly amazed about what Scarlet was able to do in the first part, cause for all intents and purposes it happens in one freaking location. Bulma is stuck in a freaking house the entire time (except for the last chapter but I digress) and it doesn’t feel like the story stands still during this time honestly. There is action, the dialogue is nice, the characters interact in fun ways... I told her I wished she had made chiaotzu a dog, cause he doesnt do much more than guard Bulma, but maybe he will have a purpose in the second part?! 

It is really a fantastic piece. It is only HALF a story and I still think it is just fantastically written and the set up is really well done, so I know that when she starts writing part two it should flow really well. This is a story that you should 100 percent read. If you wanna wait until part two comes out, I honestly can't fault you for that, but I will tell you that the best way to get an author to update something is to go to their page and tell them how much you love what they have done in the comments. So if you want more of Retribution (or any of her other fics) you should go and comment on something you loved, so they know that they are reaching someone in this void called the internet. 

On that note, I messaged her the other day after the TPTH fic club discussion and told her how much I personally loved this fic and asked what her time table for dropping the first chapter of part two. She is wanting to finish Obsidian and update Insurrection before starting book two. She says she is already deep in the draft processes of the first bit so we shouldn't have to wait too long! 

If you liked this review, after you check out this fic, head over to my A03 and check my stuff out too!