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that-was-anticlimactic · 4 years ago

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tracks? please elaborate (if you want). i’m scared but.

also you’re an education major that’s so cool! my sisters an ed major and i’m considering it is there field in education you’re majoring/interested in?

yes hello! i love talking about this as it is one of the aspects of teaching that i am most passionate about! before i get into tracks, yes! i’m an english ed major and i’m still debating between teaching middle school or high school—i just know that elementary is too young for me (if you have any questions about being an ed major, you can always ask me! i’m finishing the second semester of my sophomore year so i’m not like the most knowledgeable ever, but i know this is what i want to do with my life!)

so i have very many issues with tracking, from personal experience, people i’ve talked to, my introduction to english ed class (and the textbook specifically had such good info about it which is where the majority of my info comes from), as well as some research i’ve done on my own. (links to some of these articles below!)

so, tracking is implemented in most schools and is the separation of kids as honor students (gifted kids, advanced kids), regular students (which is usually the lowest level), and intermediate kids (the in between). i’m not going to dive into special education here because that’s not the focus of my major and i haven’t done as much research there, but i know there are also issues with treating special ed kids as if they’re not as intelligent as other kids.

one major problem with tracking is that it begins rather early on in schooling. i remember taking tests in elementary schools that dictated whether we were honors or regular kids, and that translated to middle school. my middle school had an intermediate track as well, which is where i was: i wasn’t good enough at english to be in honors, wasn’t good enough at math or social studies or science to be in honors, but i was “too smart” to be in regular, so they threw me in the middle. and these were all dictated by tests we took in fifth grade. yeah. fifth grade.

i know this is pretty similar in others schools as well. sometimes its teachers who dictate what track students should be in, which is just as dangerous and subjective as basing tracks on elementary school tests. now, i do think that having advanced and regular and intermediate classes are important because some students do like the faster pace or the slower pace or need extra help, and that’s okay. what isn’t okay is choosing for the students, which is what seems to happen more often than not (again, in my experience).

imma talk about each track individually because i can and i’m going to start with the intermediate track because that’s where i was and i feel like no one ever talks about us (again... i’ve done research and there ain’t much about us in the research, but i guess we could say that’s because not all schools have intermediate tracks). so, intermediate track. kids in this track are the ones in the middle, think middle child. we are also the track that tends to be considered least important. why? because we don’t “need special attention” like the regular track “does”, and we aren’t smart enough to get special attention that the honors track gets. we’re just simply there. from my time in the middle track and talking to my friends (most of whom were honors so i felt stupid a lot), we did pretty much the same stuff they did, they just got to do it in more fun ways or with more praise.

kids in this track tend to want attention but don’t know how to get it because we aren’t important. i crave validation like it’s my everything: i genuinely need validation from teachers and parents and friends because i never got it in school. even if it’s something like “this wasn’t good and here’s why...” i need that because no one ever really cared enough to give it to me (except the teachers that went out of their way to be good teachers). we aren’t treated as special. these kids often tend to be left on their own more in a “you’re smart enough to do this on your own, right? you don’t need help because you aren’t regular kids” but we also aren’t honors or gifted, so we also don’t get the praise and the good attention either. think jan brady in the brady bunch. like... jan the only child vibes. oh and we can’t make decisions to save our life:) (could you tell that i’m an intermediate track kid by the way I got upset over no one talking about us? it’s the years of being ignored lol)

okay, let’s go to regular track. oh these poor kids. these kids are generally the ones people don’t want to teach because they’re “rowdy” and “don’t want to be there / don’t care”. again, think younger child. the only attention they get is negative attention. that’s because no one cares about them unless they act out and act like the regular kid stereotype, so that’s what they do because it’s been engrained in society that that’s what being a regular kid is. regular kids also tend to be in regular classes because of some sort of mental illness or neurodivergency. they can’t concentrate in class (and probably have adhd / add but the schools don’t talk about that), throw them in the regular classes.

story time: i worked at dairy queen for four years, and when i was back in summer 2020, i became friends with a lot of the freshmen and sophomores in high school who worked there because i treated them like they were worth something. i actually had a really sad talk with this one kid who we’ll call Aang (because i feel like Aang would be put in the lower track because he can’t sit still) where he told me he was stupid. obviously i told him he wasn’t, and he told me that his school treated him like he was stupid. when his school found out he had adhd, instead of trying to help him, they put him in special ed classes and he got bullied by the kids at school or being “so stupid he was put in special ed classes”. unlike intermediate kids, these kids crave positive affirmation, but they’re most likely willing to act out because they tend to believe bad attention is better than none. these are kids who may genuinely need help in classes but just get everything really dumbed down because of the stigma that they’re too stupid to be better.

honors / gifted kids is probably the most talked about of the tracks (especially on tumblr because i feel like most of y’all fit in there—no shame to y’all, you had it rough too), so this one may be a little shorter. these kids don’t know how to study because they tend to get coddled when they’re younger. this is not me saying anything bad about the kids specifically, but gifted kids tend to get intricate and great teaching when they’re young, and then kind of thrown into high school like “you’re so smart! we’ll teach you and give you fun projects and stuff, but also here’s a lot of work”. the get all of the benefits of being the best without genuine effort (of teachers / the school) to back it up because they’ve always been told or thrown into the category where “you’re so smart and talented!” that they didn’t have to do much because it was easy and when it gets harder, they didn’t have the study methods to back it up because they were “so smart they didn’t need to be taught” that they “didn’t need to learn how to study”. these kids also feel a lot of pressure and probably do not want to be perceived because all eyes seem to always be on them. they stress about grades a lot and think they’re dumb if they get a B (even tho B is a good grade, society has just trained everyone to think that you’re stupid if you don’t get A’s). again, think older child.

all three tracks have undiagnosed mental illnesses which is why i didn’t really talk about them much in there? i talked about the adhd one because i feel like people don’t know that and i wanted to share that story about *Aang* because it literally broke my heart. Aang told me that i was the first person who ever told him that he was smart and that his classes in school didn’t dictate his worth. people need to hear that more often. maybe i’m being bitter because i always see posts about the gifted kid track (which is important to learn about and understand because they felt such an unfair amount of pressure) but never anything about the intermediate track and that’s why i didn’t talk about mental illnesses, but each track--all three--can cause mental illness and mental illnesses can be the reason for placement.

now (sorry i know this is long, but these last two points are important), imma get into race. note that i am a white cis female (bi ace), so if anything here is wrong, please let me know. this is based on research and what i learned in my multicultural education class (taught by an asian man, not a white one don’t worry. God i loved Dr. Park, one of the best teachers i’ve had). a lot of poc, especially black and brown poc, tend to be placed in lower tracks because of the stereotypical “they’re rowdy” and “too distracting” arguments. i read many articles about how unfairly placed these kids were and how they were treated as stupid which in turn caused them to stop caring about how they acted because it’s what everyone expects. not all poc do this, this is me summarizing some studies i read.

another issue is with asian poc because they tend to be placed into higher tracks because, again, they’re expected to be. model minority. this puts unfair stress on asian poc who are expected to be the model minority and causes them to feel this constant need to prove themselves.

i don’t want to go into this too much more because i feel like it isn’t my voice on this issue that needs to be heard, but this is important to understand and i’m going to link some of the fantastic studies / articles / journals i was able to read and hang onto in multicultural ed:

Students' Multiple Worlds: Negotiating the Boundaries of Family, Peer, and School Cultures, Research in American Indian and Alaska Native Education: From Assimilation to SelfDetermination, Navajo Youth and Anglo Racism: Cultural Integrity and Resistance (another article by Donna Deyhle that i cannot find online but have a digital copy of and will email to anyone upon request), The Power of the Preps and a Cheerleading Equity Policy, (Un)Necessary Toughness?: Those "Loud BlackGirls" and Those "Quiet Asian Boys", Testing the 'Acting White' Hypothesis: A Popular Explanation Runs out of Empirical Steam, and lastly The Savage Inequalities of Public Education in New York (which i also cannot find online but have a digital copy of, lemme know if anyone wants it). these are all enlightening and sad readings but important nonetheless.

the last thing imma talk about (and yes, i know, this is very long... i feel passionately about this) is the good old topic of mental health / neurodivergence and test taking:D so, i have tourette’s syndrome, anxiety, and would very much like to get tested for adhd, so i do have more experience with this topic. the testing for what track students go in is so unfair, especially for neurodivergent kids. there are so many different ways these tests hinder students. you cannot accurately test people’s intelligence! especially from a young age and hold them to that for most of their life. some students need time extensions, need accommodations that a lot of schools don’t supply.

like i said: i have tourette’s and i was hindered in test taking because i couldn’t stop moving and then i would realize how no one else is moving so i shouldn’t have to move either so why can’t i stop moving what am i doing wrong and then ten minutes have flown by and i got nothing done. there were times when i would focus so hard on suppressing that i didn’t concentrate. flu season is the worst because i have a verbal tic dictated by premonitory urge where i have the physical need to sniff when i consciously hear someone else do it. i almost failed a test once because of this. students with dyslexia and dysgraphia are hindered because it can take them longer to read or figure out the numbers. students with anxiety overexert themselves and stress themselves out so badly that they can do worse. even people with chronic pain can be hindered due to the chairs or the way they have to sit. these tests don’t tell the school crap.

so many factors go into these tests and requirements for what track someone is in. this is why i feel it needs to be the student’s choice as to what classes they take. someone with dyslexia might want to be in regular english but might want to be in honors math because they’re really good at math, but can’t because of tracks sometimes. and this issue is huge in middle school where, in my experience, we didn’t have a choice. in high school, we had more of a choice, but by then these tracks are so engrained in us that we tend to continue with where we’re placed.

i like to think i’m good at english, i’m literally in school to be an english teacher. but in middle school, i was in the intermediate track. high school didn’t have intermediate english classes, so i assumed i wasn’t smart enough / didn’t deserve to be in honors and did regular english for two years until my friends convinced me to take honors, but at that point someone told me to take ap, so i jumped from intermediate to regular to ap classes. it was a rough transition. english comes naturally to me, but switching tracks was hard. this happens to so many kids who feel like they don’t have a choice, even if they do. there are so many kids who took the wrong classes because of the stupid test.

this is uhh really long. idk if anyone will read this far, but i care about this so much. each track, all three of them, deserves better. i’ll leave y’all with this: do not let the forced competition and hierarchy of tracks impact the way you think. you are not stupid and you are not dumb, you don’t need to try and feel worth attention because you are, try not to be bitter / jealous about people in other tracks because they did nothing wrong (unless they’re genuinely a jerk to you, then be bitter), it’s the system you need to be bitter with and your experience is just as valid, you deserve a break and don’t push yourself too hard, you don’t need to uphold any standards other than human decency.

okay yeah this got out of hand... hope this helps iuyfgyhuiuyguiohug

#snakefarm42 #corey rambles:)#I feel so passionately about this lol #seriously UGH #as an ed major and like. a student and human being #tracking in schools #pisses me off #so much y’all don’t even understand #long post #ask #tw racism #also I once wrote a research paper on tourettes in the classroom and I feel v passionately about that too #Twas a great paper—well it was a literature review but still #I love talking about the school system:)

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onewomancitadel · 3 years ago

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Girl, I saw your post about Cinder’s Grimm arm lookin’ like talons, and let me say I wasn’t even thinking about that, so props to ya’ for bringing that up. You’re a smart gal, you know? TBH all your stuff gives me hope, but it’s that weird and scary sort of hope that’s makin’ you afraid to have it in case it gets crushed horribly yet you’re still happy to have it. I’d go on about how I’d feel if something dumb or contrived happens which ruins Knightfall’s prospects, but I ain’t that sort of fella’; it ain’t gonna benefit nobody if all we ever fucking go on about is how we fear that the worst is gonna for our stuff. How about instead I ask how you’d feel/what ya’d do when Knightfall actually happens? A silent scene without no fighting, the two have a genuine conversation, Cinder gets the relic for them, and they canonically kiss for real. I ain’t no humble man and I’m a sore winner, so probably what I’d do is go on all the social media I have and be fuckin’ shouting-out to the heavens about how I knew this gunna happen all god-damn long (back in 2017 at least), and that I knew it this was inevitable and how good it feels to be right for once. Sumfin’ akins to that, just about.

I have some mild hope on the basis that there are lots of things I predicted in the show that I got right or close but not quite, so I feel like I understand R/WBY's storytelling. I personally really love and adore R/WBY, it's very unique and there's nothing comparable to it for me. I always get really tired of criticism that comes from the angle of making it like other... consumerist productions, like let R/WBY be R/WBY and do its own thing. Knightfall is not a ship I'd EVER think would be canon in anything else EVER, but this is like the one show I'd say, remotely, it's actually very tonally appropriate.

On the other hand there's always the cynic in me that doesn't believe in things going right so it's never quite a straightforward feeling. I find it hard to believe in anything good.

How about instead I ask how you’d feel/what ya’d do when Knightfall actually happens?

I'm also extremely superstitious (and I get told I'm silly for this) and I fear that if I even think about this it would jinx it. I try not to. I don't believe it's possible for things to go right for me at all lol.

I think if somehow it happened I think I would be in a state of shock and probably very happy, because this is like my OTP of OTP's (I have really put all my eggs into one basket), but also my heart has been hurt and I don't know how to trust.

I do think there's an underestimation of the satisfaction readers/viewers get when they predict something. Sure, predicting something based on cliche is boring (mentor dies, though that is also a Campbellian thing), but if it's based on the internal story logic it's really awesome. I love that Qrow subverted the mentor dies trope, that was so good, for that matter.

I think if Knightfall were canon I would be happy forever, I'd never need another ship lol. I'm not even kidding, that's how committed I am to this, I'm married to it. I know I sound like such a stupid fangirl. But yeah, no jinx, I know that things always turn out poorly for me lol. I may have well jinxed Knightfall for everybody else who's a fan of it, sorry.

A silent scene without no fighting, the two have a genuine conversation, Cinder gets the relic for them, and they canonically kiss for real.

Yeah I think a major Knightfall scene, if we get one at all, would be them meeting over the Relic. It's sort of a bit early to be shipping them now, I suppose (I don't think so, compared to a majority of R/WBY ships lol) but on the other hand I think they're the most interesting ship in the show and it's not a crackship for that matter.

And wow, yeah I didn't consider Knightfall as a ship until the end of V7; props to you for being interested then. V7 was when I was like 'oh they're taking Cinder seriously as a character, I wasn't wrong to feel this way about her' and then I realised Jaune/Cinder is Reverse Salem/Ozma, and then and then and then. It all started there. There's a post I made somewhere about it but it's impossible to find right now. Sigh!

I'm glad it seems like you find my blog interesting, I'm aware that I'm sort of in the corner doing my own thing and broadly speaking I'm pretty unlikable and kind of stupid. But I have fun talking about R/WBY and Knightfall, and no matter what happens I've still really enjoyed writing fic - even if I know it's of poor quality - and writing analysis of the show. I've been a fan since V1 and I've admittedly been quite taken by surprise how much I ended up loving it.

Hope you have a good day and thanks for your ask. <3

#seraphina's asks #user: anonymouse

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cursed-collections · 3 years ago

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9 Albums that turned me into a metal head

I was a rap fan for a while, and I have listened to some metal samples on hip-hop songs. The best example can be — Slayer’s “Angel of Death” sample on Public Enemy’s “She Watch Channel Zero?!”. Rap and Metal are almost similar, they share many things in common — from headbanging beats to ‘PARENTAL ADVISORY’ stickers on their album covers. But it is during this lock-down, I got more into metal. In this post, I am going to share (recommend) 9 metal albums that turned me into a metalhead.

1. “Vol 3. The Subliminal Verses” by Slipknot

This was the very first metal album that I listened to and it sounded pretty average for me. The lyrics are lousy and they wear those stupid masks — my first impression of this band and the album is that they’ve got an image that automatically appeals to people who like bands for how edgy they look and act rather than their music. I can’t really say anything too negative on the subject matter of this album because I was completely new to metal at that time but to be honest, I couldn’t find one track that I enjoyed even slightly.

This album made up my mind to conclude that metal is not a genre that I should spend my time upon. But — I was wrong!

2. “Toxicity” by System of a Down

System of a Down is the most experimental metal band. The experimental nature of these four Armenian guys hasn’t always paid off. The metal community hates this band and their music so much, and I can see why they are hated. But for someone like me who is a rap fan, this album is like a treasure in the genre. There are some core metalheads who think that Toxicity is one of the very best metal albums of all time. System of a Down was not just another horrible Nu-Metal band. They had something else, something more. Again to be very honest, this is their only best album (IMO).

3. “Ride the Lightning” by Metallica

Metallica is considered as one of the Big-4 metal bands along with Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax. This album is a damn impressive thrash metal album that rightfully deserves to be called a “classic”. The album starts off with “Fight Fire With Fire” which is a gentle acoustic guitar ballad, nothing out of the ordinary until that chaotic riff comes in and like an explosion rips the calm serenity into panic and discord.

4. “Vulgar Display of Power” by Pantera

I find it interesting when I see metalheads on Reddit hating this album and some even call this — “Most overrated album by the most overrated band”. But I think Pantera managed to distill down the powerful essence of metal. This album is best to feel motivated or powerful (lol!). Song for song, Vulgar Display of Power is a pummeling example of rock ‘n roll, well-deserving of its praise. I personally feel Pantera as AC/DC of metal. They are hated, but still, their albums are outstanding, the same as AC/DC in rock.

5. “Reign in Blood” by Slayer

Slayer is another greatest Thrash metal band and one of the Big-4 metal bands. This is a hallmark album in metal and one of the cornerstone thrash releases, coming out alongside “Master of Puppets” by Metallica and “Peace Sells” by Megadeth. I still can’t believe this album, It is very intense, and brutal. The album is generally shorter than any other metal album but still, it was like 35 mins of spending time with the devil. This album has everything a metal album needs — speed, aggression, and riffs.

6. “Rust In Peace” by Megadeth

Holy thrash! This album is really something. It was my first Megadeth album, and it totally got me hooked. The guitars are crazy good on this album. This album made Megadeth my favorite metal band (next to Black Sabbath tho!). a masterpiece with no obvious flaws, no fillers, and some of the most obscenely thrilling moments in all of recorded metal history. Holy Wars… The Punishment Due, Tornado Of Souls, and Hangar 18 may be the obvious highlights, but the entire record is a banger.

7. “Paranoid” by Black Sabbath

Black Sabbath is considered the very first metal band. They started and shaped the whole metal genre. ‘Paranoid’ may be the ultimate heavy metal album. Three of its songs — the title track “Paranoid”, “War Pigs” and “Iron Man” — are the genre staples. Every song of this album shaped a new metal sub-genre. Speed metal of Paranoid, trippy space blues track Planet Caravan, doom metal of Iron man, and many. They also have a sense of humor on the closing track. This album again is a masterpiece.

8. “The Art of Partying” by Municipal Waste

This is ain’t a classic band or ain’t even a famous one. But, if catchy thrash needs a definition, that may easily be Municipal waste. The riffs and thrash breaks are strongly influenced by classic bands like Slayer and Exodus. This album brain numbingly dumb lyrics and repetitive guitar riffs, but bands like this are so refreshing, as they do not take themselves too seriously, and it’s just pure fun!

9. “Ashes of the Wake” by Lamb of God

This album is brutal, skillful, and awesome. My bones and brain got crushed while listening to this album, lol. I liked their own style of metal and overall songwriting. The guitars and drums are just mind-blowing. The perfect balance among the drums, bass, guitars, and vocal is outstanding — not too noisy or heavy, but clean and powerful.

These are the albums that introduced me to metal. In my next posts, I will review all these albums and many more posts are about to come.

Until then: Stay safe, keep calm, and listen to f*ckin’ Metal! 😈

#metal #metalhead #heavy metal

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on-stand-bi-help · 4 years ago

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So I this are just a bunch of texts that I sent my cousin and I thought why not post it on Tumblr as well!

Please do not take this seriously this is just some really bad comedy. Hope you enjoy. (Also this does have swear words and I mean a lot of swear words so you have been warned.)

Ok I haven’t edit this at all so sorry for my grammar and sorry if this doesn’t make sense

So a new MLB episode came out and it’s a special? Idk to be honest but here are my thoughts cause I want you to watch it! So there is a fucking new intro! It reminds me of the old Barbie movies intros not gonna lie but I guess it’s kinda cool.

Ok so their flying abilities or powers or whatever look really weird and I don’t like them. Alya showing the camera back and forth gave me a headache.

Ok but Ladybugs knowing about roses and their meanings gives me fanfic vibes not gonna lie. Chat trying his best too whoo Ladybug and respecting their boundaries (which she made by the way) freaking adorable not gonna lie. Chat being flustered fuck I just realized how much I missed him. Ugh Ladybug’s soft look and as soon as she leaves Chat’s soft look fuck they are adorable omg. Ok Chat saying that he needs to give himself some flowers cause he is amazing. 100% agree 10/10 you deserve it. TREAT YO SELF!

Ugh definitely did not miss Marinette’s obsession with Adrien omg. She’s really trying to lie to tikki bro you’re with her all the time. You can’t lie to her plus she’s been alive since the beginning of the universe and you’re telling me you are honestly trying to lie to her. God damnit Marinette you are such a dumbass.

LMAO THE STUDENT FILM OH MY FUCKING GOD!! THAT��S SO FUNNY!

God damn I saw on tumblr people comparing Draco to Chloe and I’m like bro Draco is a meme and a great character. Chloe is a bitch who is so fucking annoying.

OMG THE TEACHER IS PREGNANT ALL SHE HAD TO SAY WAS I HAVE MEDICAL EXAMS AND I KNEW!!! FUCKKKK YESSSS A RED HEADED BABY!!!

Can you imagine there is a whole episode where the class has to take care of the baby (for whatever reason) and all of them freaking out cause this baby is too precious and Alya coming in and saving the day and being like guys calm down. It’s all good. Nino fucking going soft trying to help Alya as best as he can. Marinette and Adrien never doing this before so both of them are super flustered and nervous! God I WOULD LITERALLY KILL FOR THAT EPISODE NOW HOLY SHIT!!!

Ok damn Kim really ain’t holding back like chill dude. He really just told the principal that the science teacher isn’t cool. You tell that to your friends not the fucking principal. You dumbass.

LILA IS HERE FUCK!!! God not only do I have to deal with Chloe’s bullshit but Lila’s too omg. Ok idk if it’s the website that I’m watching it in but their voices sound weird and I hope it’s just the website and not the actual episode.

Marinette shut the fuck up ADRIEN WAS TALKING BITCH!!! YOU INTERRUPTED HIM!!! Lmao nice save Marinette talking about the film to distract everyone from the fact that you like Adrien. GOD DAMNIT ADRIEN’S SOFT LOOK FUCK!!! HE LOVES HER SO MUCH BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW IT YET OMG!!! GOD DAMN!!! Lmao Lila’s face! Yeah fuck you Lila! Bitchass!

So Marinette is telling everyone that she is over Adrien. Alya isn’t falling for this bullshit! Love that. Marinette, why are you lying just ask them to help you move on. Like I can see the effort but I don’t understand why you are lying about it if you aren’t completely over him. Like bruh. ALEX REALLY SAID “No kidding” to when Marinette said that she was acting crazy. YES ALEX QUEEN! CALL HER OUT! Marinette saying that she just wants to be friends with him and not in love with him. (ARE WE FINALLY GETTING THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THAT WE ALL DESERVE HOLY SHIT IM LIVING!) Nope nvm she’s still on her bullshit. Did Alya just say that if Marinette will be ok with her and Adrien going to New York together because it may be too romantic. Like Bitch YOU GUYS LIVE IN PARIS! I'M SURE SHE WILL BE FINE!

FUCK YOU GABRIEL!! DIDN’T MISS YOU AT ALL YOU FUNKY ASS BITCH!!!

BRUH ANOTHER MIRACULOUS FOR REAL!!!

DAMN! Lmao Marinette trying to look tough that’s so funny to me! Who you trying to scare bitch cause you ain’t fooling anyone. Bruh Gabriel really friendzoned Marinette for Adrien lmao! Omg I love that. Fuck. I hate Gabriel so much.

I DIDN’T KNOW KIGMA WAS GOING TO BE IN THIS EPISODE!! YAY! EW WTF DID SHE JUST KISS HIM! ARE YOU KIDDING! WAIT WHEN DID THEY GET TOGETHER!! WTF! I DON’T REMEMBER THIS!

Marinette you are so annoying. Where’s Ladybug?! SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER! HOLY SHIT IT’S LADYBUG! OK BUT THAT SCENERY LOOKS SO ROMANTIC! Wait yeah both of them are going to New York like who is going to protect the city?! Oh shit nvm I’m a dumbass hawk moth is going too. Lmao! I’m an idiot! Ok BUT THAT WEIRD BUTTON THING IS ADORABLE OMG!!! AWWW! LIKE WTF!! I WANT ONE! BRUH HOW CAN SHE NOT LIKE CHAT NOIR WTF IS WRONG WITH HER!!! GODAMNIT!

Gabriel really said Surprise bitch to Adrien lmao. Damn poor Gorilla. I can’t believe he still doesn’t have a fucking name godamnit. Lmao I love plagg. Ew god damnit fuck you GABRIEL!

OMG LUKAAAAA! Marinette fucking date him already wtf. He is literally biking your stupid ass to catch up to the bus. GOD LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Marinette you always fucking ruin the moment fuck you. Fuck you. AGAIN LUKA DESERVES BETTER! Luka honey no don’t look at her like that you deserve better. Flashback to the perks of being a wallflower quote, “We accept the love we think we deserve” FUCK YOU BRAIN WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THIS!!

ALYA IS A TRUE FRIEND!!! Bro my friends would be laughing their ass off and making funny faces at the window instead of asking the teachers to stop the bus. HE WAS CARRYING HER SUITCASE TOO OMG! BRO LUKA HAS SOME STRONG ASS LEGS LIKE DAMN!!! Luka then says, “You know what’s important Marinette, that this trip gives you some clarity.” PLEASE GOD THAT SHE FALLS FOR CAT NOIR!!! PLEASE THAT SHE STARTS LIKING HIM!!! PLEASE! BITCH WHY KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK OMG WHY?! He likes you and you decide to kiss him on the cheek. Bro you are just making him fall for you more. Goddammit you are an idiot.

Bruh one look at Adrien and she becomes a tomato god damn. Am I being hard on Marinette cause she reminds me of me. NO WTF!!! Shut up! (At least I’m not a stalker or someone who gets obsessed with my crush in obnoxious ways.)

FUCK YOU CHLOE WE DIDNT WANT YOU TO COME YOU STUPID HOEEE!!!

I JUST REALIZED THIS IS A MOVIE!!! 12 minutes in and I just realized this is a movie. I AM AN IDIOT!!! God I’m so dumb lol. Ok this animation not gonna lie is kinda good.

He really yelled at Marinette in front of everybody in a plane huh. That’s so funny. Also he sounded like such a jock like wtf was that. Lmao Alya and Nino just looking at them like yessss our ship!!! (Alya and Nino are such a mood) This movie is literally like a fucking fan fiction. Adrien, “Oh yeah you’re sitting next to me!” Marinette fucking panicking. Omg this is literally a fanfic. I can’t! I love this omg. I LOVE ALYA SO MUCH OMG!!! Did Marinette just call Adrien her husband. YOU’RE LIKE 14 SHUT UP!!! PLEASE!!! How can you confuse husband with friend. Ok this just confirms that Marinette constantly daydreams to herself and tells herself that Adrien is her husband. Girl, GIRL YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM VERY WELL. SHE’S NOT EVEN IN LOVE SHE’S JUST FASCINATED WITH THE IDEA OF HIM. Ugh this is why I don’t like the idea of Marinette and Adrien or Ladybug and Adrien being together. Like she barely knows him and she counts that as love. Jesus. Lmao Gorilla has and will always ship Marinette and Adrien together. You can not change my mind.

Brooo if Marinette had a penis she would definitely have gotten a boner when Adrien fell on her. WHY IS MARINETTE LIKE THIS?! (Ok yes if my crush not that I have one but if I did I would probably do all the shit she is doing but I wouldn’t run away I would fucking just be in shock and freeze. Probably idk. THIS IS GIVING ME TO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ACT NORMAL FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.) Did Alya just say that “New York is the most romantic place in the world!” AGAIN YOU LIVE IN PARIS!!! OH SHIT NVM. I paused it too soon. She continues by saying, “After Paris obviously.” Ok my bad. Ok are we talking about the same New York cause New York isn’t that romantic. Then again what do I know. Marinette FUCK YOU!!! YOU COULD HAVE SAT WITH ADRIEN AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SIT WITH THE FUCKING PRINCIPLE. Lmao this is giving me fucking Spider-Man Far From Home flashbacks. Bro Adrien looks so disappointed. FUCK YOU MARINETTE! Bro gorilla is such a mood. Putting a 10 for both having a fear of flying and for needing relaxation. Wait why doesn’t he have eyebrows? I just realized that. I mean I knew but like I didn’t realize idk if that makes sense.

Dude the principal sleeping on Marinette THAT HAPPENED IN FAR FROM HOME!!! Wait a damn minute in Far From Home Peter lives in New York and goes somewhere in Europe (I forgot where) AND MARINETTE LIVES IN FRANCE AND SHE GOES TO NEW YORK!!! Not only that but these are both superhero movies and they are both in love with someone except here Marinette is trying to get over Adrien while Peter Parker was trying to win over MJ. OK SOMEONE ON THE CREATIVE TEAM LITERALLY WATCHED FAR FROM HOME AND SAID YES LET’S DO THIS BUT THE OPPOSITE. I CAN’T THIS IS SO FUNNY!

AWWWW Alya and Nino sleeping on each other IS EVERYTHING!!! I SHIP THEM SO MUCH!!! IVAN AND MYLENE TOO!!! THEY REALLY WANT TO KILL ME HUH!? WAIT ROSE AND JUELKA FUCK YESSS THE GAYS ARE WINNING!!! MY MULTISHIPPER HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH POWER ALL IN A MATTER OF SECONDS!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Dude I literally thought she said shit for a second I WAS LIKE WHAT?! But she said shoot. I really hope that’s not toilet water on her shirt. MARINETTE YOU HAVE A NAPKIN? OR TOILET PAPER ON YOUR HAIR?! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THERE?!

Awww the sunset is so pretty. And Adrien is going to come in 3 2 1. Right on time. Adrien, “It's beautiful isn’t it?” I’m expecting Marinette to say, “Yeah but so are you.” and immediately regretting afterwards. Nvm she trips on him instead. Should have seen that coming. Ok now they are looking out the window again. This frame would be so cute if she didn’t have that stupid Toilet paper in her hair. Bruh Adrien just stands next to her and doesn’t even mention the Toilet paper on her hair. Adrien be like, “Yup just me and my fashionista friend Marinette looking at the window. Oh she has a piece of toilet paper in her hair. Damn must be a new trend I don’t know about. That’s kinda sus cause I am a model but whatever she knows more about fashion then I do so it’s all good.” (Not an actual quote.) Damn Alya and Nino ship them so much. Ok but what a mood!

Adrien says, “You're always willing to take a chance on something or someone even when no one else is.” Yeah bruh it’s because she is ladybug, I mean come on how do you not realize. Adrien really smirked at her whole shit! Adrien continues by saying, “You got something Marinette.” Marinette asks, “Something?” WAIT HOLD UP ISN’T HE DATING KAGAMI!!! WAIT IS MARINETTE A HOMEWRECKER!!! I’m kidding. Ok not really. Wait is Adrien a cheater like what?! Adrien continues by saying, “Yeah there in your hair.” He grabs the fucking piece of toilet paper. I LITERALLY FORGOT IT WAS THERE AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING!!! GOD I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!

Alya is a mood, “I can’t decide if they are the cutest people I know or the most embarrassing.” Literally me whenever I watch Miraculous ladybug. Also this literally sounds like something fanfic Alya would say. Not canon Alya. But I really love how they let Alya say that. Good call team! Omg Nino continues with, “Yeah I love Adrien but he is like a baby chick that just started cracking out of his egg he has a hard time understanding the signals people send them.” THIS LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE A FANFIC AND I LOVE IT!!! OMG!!! I LOVE OPERATION NEW YORK OMG!!! YESSSSSSSS!!! ALYA AND NINO ARE LITERALLY OUR SAVIORS!!! GOD DAMN I LOVE THEM!!! ADRIEN HUGGED HER AWWWWW!!! I LOVE HIM!

THERE’S ANOTHER SUPER VILLAIN WTF!!! He really wants to kill the people huh. I mean he must be pure evil cause he literally is tearing the airplane apart. He really said: There's tons of people in this airplane huh. Welp I really need this technology so I guess they have to die!

DUDE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GIRL? I can’t tell if she is a robot or a superhero! MAYBE BOTH!!! ALYA IS SUCH A SUPERHERO NERD I LOVE HER!!! OK this other girl superhero is literally captain marvel. She’s not Majestia (idk if that’s how you spell it) nah she’s captain marvel. LMAO WHEN CAPTAIN MARVEL MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE MLB MOVIE AND DOESN’T HAVE THE AUDACITY TO HELP OUT PETER PARKER IN HIS FIELD TRIP!! DAMN!!! SHE REALLY SAID FUCK YOU PETER! MLB FANDOM NEEDS ME MORE THAT YOU DO!! LIKE GURL PETER IS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN CAUSE HIS 3rd father figure died!!! Then again she is saving an airplane fool of people but I’m sure you could have made a quick stop to give Peter some advice but whatever.

God I hate the principal.

CAPTAIN MARVEL REALLY SAID I HAVE TO SAVE MY ROBOT WIFE FROM THAT BOMB!! And she fucking blew the bomb away from her face. DUDE THERE IS SO MANY NEW SUPERHEROES HOLY CRAP!!! Ok including the Captain Marvel and the robot there’s 2 more but that’s more than Paris soooooo. WAIT CAPTAIN MARVEL JUST CALLED HER ROBOT DARLING!!! I was joking, I didn’t think they were together. OK I SHIP IT! Captain Marvel, “Are you alright darling?” (Giving me Spinderella and Netasha vibes not gonna lie) STOPPED IT TOO SOON!!! ROBOT JUST CALLED CAPTAIN MARVEL HER MOTHER!!! ABORT ABORT SHIP!!! I regret making all the comments that I just have made. So ignore them. I no longer ship them. Aw they have such a quote MOTHER AND DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP!!! They are hugging each other. Adorable.

Bruh Adrien and Marinette are talking openly to plagg and tikki like could you guys be more obvious. Like shut up.

So apparently there’s a superhero for everything in USA. Um I wish if there was USA wouldn’t be as shitty as it is now.

I love Nino and Alya, that's all I’m going to say.

Also the superheros have a code word for the French students and it’s literally ‘the little croissants’ I LOVE THAT OMG!!! WHO CAME UP WITH THAT CODE CAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!”

Ok turns out Robot girl can actually turn into a regular girl. SO THAT’S COOL!

How is it possible that Adrien and Marinette can’t figure out how the doors work like what?! Ok why the fuck is Adrien constantly catching Marinette every time she falls. Like he isn’t even close to her and he fucking races and catches her. Right he obviously doesn’t like her. Yup I definitely believe that bullshit.

Lmao the robot girl took one look at dumbass Marinette and stupidass Adrien and said, “Those 2 are made for each other.” That’s so funny. Ok robot girl is friends with a girl that has some weird ass earrings (dare I say lesbian). And they both are in school so I’m pretty sure they are the same age. SO I SHIP THEM!!! Grumpy girlfriend and super happy robot girlfriend. ADORABLE!

Lmao they are already going to a party bruh. They just got off of a plane and they almost died. And you’re telling me that they aren’t slightly jet lagged or even a little tired. Bruh come on.

DAMN SABRINA IS GONNA GET A LOVE INTEREST OKKKKKKKK!!! He literally winked at her and she went bright red. DAMN GURL GET IT!!! CHLOE FUCK OFF!!! SABRINA IS GONNA GO FLIRT WITH THE GUY AND NOT BE YOUR STUPID ASSISTANT!!! FUCK YOU!!! GOD DAMNIT CHLOE, SABRINA, MARINETTE AND ALYA ARE ROOMATES BRUHHHHH!!! (And they were roommates- OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES NOT NOW BRAIN PLEASE)

Bro the teacher looks at the hallway and nods cause she notices that all the lights are off in the room and no one is talking and she leaves. And immediately all the doors open and everyone is sneaking off to the party. BROOO THIS REMINDS ME OF NHI LOL!!! So the teacher suddenly pops out and asks what’s that noise and they all go into different rooms. The teacher doesn’t notice. And of course Marinette goes into the room with Adrien but on accident, and for a second I thought she was touching his pee pee but no she was just touching his lower stomach lol. They both look at each other and Marinette gets flustered and Adrien smiles softly at her. And she immediately gets away from him and they end up in the same room as ROBOT GIRL AND HER LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND!!! Robot girl is shipping them so hard while her girlfriend is glaring at them.

HER GIRLFRIEND CAN PLAY GUITAR YESSSSS!!!

SABRINA GO TO THE PARTY PLEASE!!! DITCH CHLOE!!! FLIRT WITH THE AMERICAN!!! THE AMERICAN IS FUCKING STANDING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!!! WAITING FOR HER OMG!!! He takes her hand AND TAKES HER TO THE ROOF PARTY!!! FUCK I SHIP THEM SO HARD!!!

Omg the dialogue in this movie is fucking amazing. Marinette says, “Is it a bird?” Adrien, “Is it a plane?” Sabrina’s soon to be boyfriend, “No IT’S HOT DOG DAN!” Like bitch why is the hot dog cart flying like wtf?! Dude is this how French people see Americans because you know what?! THAT SOUNDS about right. If USA ever gets superhero’s we PROBABLY WOULD HAVE A SUPERHERO WHO SERVES FUCKING HOT DOGS!!! Damn this movie is pretty fucking realistic. The Americans are fucking thirsty for some hot dogs they literally run over Adrien and Marinette like damn ok yes a lot of Americans like hot dogs but we aren’t animals. Turns out the hot dogs are magical. ROSE LITERALLY GOT SUPER STRENGTH AND WAS ABLE TO LIFT UP IVAN!!! QUEEN!!! AW Sabrina got long ass hair like Rapunzel but it’s brown for some reason.

There’s 2 hot dogs left and Nino take initiative and pays for the hot dog and says, “Not a problem. My girl and I can have one and you 2 can have the other.” Damn this really is a fanfic huh. Then again I doubt a fanfic would have them sharing a fucking magical hot dog. Lol! This movie is nuts. They ate the hot dogs (nvm they took a bite of the hotdog and they dropped it on the floor) and they started floating. They grab hands and they are trying not to freak out.

Meanwhile ALYA AND NINO ALL THE FUCKING GET IS THESE HIGH PITCHED VOICES LIKE BRUH. Also Nino ships them so much omg! BRUH HOT DOG DAN EVEN SHIPS THEM! I mean he doesn’t say anything he just looks at them and smiles.

Omg Alya asked Robot’s girlfriend to set the mood with a song! And Robot’s girlfriend is like yeah sure thing. This movie is surreal.

THE SONG IS LITERALLY THE SONG THAT THEY DANCED TOO AT CHLOE’S PARTY OMG!!! I can’t believe I remembered that.

Bruh Adrien literally just repeated what I typed. HE JUST ASKED MARINETTE IF SHE COULD DANCE WITH HIM!!! They are floating and the moon is shining bright on them (Nice job Yue; setting the scene for us I see) and he extends his hand. She starts floating backwards cause she’s freaking out (What a surprise 😒). He grabs her hand and brings her closer to him. WHAT FANFIC AUTHOR WAS ABLE TO GET A FUCKING HIGH BUDGET TO MAKE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE THIS DOESNT FEEL LIKE AN MLB EPISODE!!!

ALSO Marinette is looking at Adrien in a way that makes her look like a Tim burton cartoon character lol. SHE FINALLY GIVES IN AND DANCES WITH HIM IN FRONT OF THE MOON!!! (They aren’t even dancing to be honest they are literally just hugging each other really closely and spinning) BUT ITS ADORABLE SO I FORGIVE THEM!

Lmao they zoom out of the roof party and you just see in the fucking corner Kim and some other dude having a push-up contest. They showed that in the beginning when Alya, Nino, Marinette and Adrien were entering the party. I just wasn’t expecting that in this whole time Kim and the other guy still continued the push-up contest omg. (This is the first 29 minutes and my hand is tired sooo I’m not gonna write anymore)

If anyone wants me to continue I will but I doubt anybody is going to see this post so yeah! Anyway if someone actually read this PROPS TO YOU DUDE!!! HOPE I DIDNT WASTE YOUR TIME!!! HAVE A GOOD YEAR!!!

Edit: I think Robot girl and girl with weird earrings are sisters soooooo I don’t ship them anymore. (I’m honestly really confused are they siblings or not?!)

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isuzukuretsuki · 5 years ago

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me before playing blue lions: haha I’m not like ~other girls~ I don’t like Dimitri and I think he’s boring and basic.

me after playing blue lions: I will die for Dimitri.

I finally finished Azure Moon!! Can’t believe it took me 4 damn months to finish this route. Just like with Crimson Flower, I decided to do a very long write up of my thoughts of this route after letting my thoughts marinate for a bit. There will be spoilers for both Azure Moon and Crimson Flower. Also disclaimer: these are just my personal opinions.

Tldr: this route was so fucking good!!!! I jumped ship from being team Edie/BE to team Dimitri/BL faster than Sylvain jumps girlfriends because I enjoyed this route more than Crimson Flower in almost every way possible. The Blue Lions are my KIDS and I will die for each and every one of them. Blue Lions may not be my first route/house, but this is where my heart rightfully lies.

I guess the first thing I should get out of the way are the negatives. While this isn’t really a complaint about AM specifically and more so the narrative over the entire game... the conflict between Edelgard and Dimitri seems really stupid and contrived. In other games, war happens because the villain is evil. In this game, war happens because the villain is fucking stupid. Basically, I still ain’t convinced that Edelgard’s war was ever necessary LMAO. She straight up nuked the church’s authority and relevancy out of orbit the chapter before the time skip, so she technically already accomplished her goal; why she still feels the need to go on a savage conquest alludes me.

Speaking of nuking the church’s relevancy out of orbit, that’s exactly what happened to Rhea LOL. Despite all the church goons clamoring every .5 seconds about how they gotta save Rhea, we literally never see her again at all after the time skip, even at the end of the game. It makes no sense why Edelgard would keep Rhea imprisoned and not kill her, especially when Rhea seemingly served no greater purpose to Edelgard and became completely irrelevant in the war phase.

Edie says some mumbo jumbo of “I weighed the victims of this war against the victims of the world and I deem that there will be less victims of war” like bitch, how??? How do you tangibly quantify “victims of this world”. If she means “people who had a shitty life because of shitty society”, then those people are always going to exist because every society has its flaws. Even if you change society, you aren’t decreasing that number because you’re only solving problems by creating new ones (Edelgard’s specialty). Also the mental gymnastics you have to do to be tortured by an evil organization only to team up with said evil organization to take down another organization that, unless I missed something, isn’t even directly responsible for the death of all your siblings??? In both CF and AM, Edelgard comes off as incredibly thoughtless and illogical in her actions and I can’t help but feel that if she had been just a little bit more diplomatic, then maybe, just maybe, she could have found a better solution without starting a bloody war.

This brings me to the god forsaken chat between Edelgard and Dimitri. Dimitri demanding to know why Edelgard started the war only for her to go “it was the only way” has about the same narrative weight as “Riku why did you become one with the darkness?!” “Because I’m the worst”. Instead of bitching about whose ~ideals~ are better, how about y’all sit down and actually discuss what each person wants to accomplish and maybe figure out a way to accomplish these goals without murdering each other over it? Not that I think Edelgard would accept anything BUT murder, but jesus, this is why you don’t leave diplomatic matters to actual children.

Speaking of why you don’t leave diplomatic matters to children, god that Gronder battle. I get that it’s supposed to be an epic showdown between the three houses that mirrored the mock battle pre time skip but... the Kingdom had literally NO reason to fight the Alliance!!! The reasons they provided to justify why the Kingdom and Alliance couldn’t team up at Gronder was so fucking dumb, especially when two chapters down the line, Claude is knocking at our door begging for help. I will say tho, I never knew how much I appreciated himbo in distress Claude until now lmao.

Rodrigue's death was also really poorly done imo. As much as I liked having Dimitri’s father figure be the one to snap him out of his insanity, (I love found father/son relationships...) how on earth are you guys so fucking incompetent that you let this tiny little girl kill Rodrigue??? It doesn’t help that the exact same thing happened with Jeralt and Monica. This... just ain’t it, chief.

I think the biggest bone I have to pick at AM specifically is... so what the fuck is the truth behind the Tragedy of Duscur LMAO??? They literally blue balled me by dropping the bomb of “Dimitri’s step mom may have conspired in it” ONLY TO NOT DO ANYTHING WITH IT. I assume that the full truth behind the Duscur tragedy will probably be revealed in VW (I hope) because it involves the slithers but it’s highkey ridiculous that the BL goons... never actually find out what really happened, and why. And I get that the story is about them moving on from their trauma and the past, but they should have at least figured out the actual truth behind it so they can get the closure they deserve???

Despite the gripes I have with some of the writing, unless VW or SS is mind blowingly amazing, this route will easily stand as the best route for me, because.... it is kind of is mind blowingly amazing. I wholeheartedly love character driven stories, and this route absolutely delivers in that respect-- the character writing is amazing and is essentially the heart of this story. To think Dimitri and the Blue Lions were the lord/house I was least interested in at first. Even after hearing people talk about what the BL goons and Dimitri’s character arc was roughly about, I was still blown away by just how damn fucking good it was, and this route exceeded my expectations in every way possible.

When playing CF, I struggled to connect with a lot of the beagles; I didn’t have that problem at all with the BL goons and the route does a phenomenal job at making me actually give a shit about these characters and their problems. Childhood friend squad (+Marianne and Ashe) are easily my favourite characters in this game by a landslide, and the dynamic between not only the childhood friend squad, but all the BL goons, was just so, so amazing. Watching these characters that are seemingly joined by a single tragedy, rise above all their suffering as they grow, heal, and overcome hardship together is just so... MY KIDS... MY HEART..... I really got the sense of not only their shared pain, but also shared intimacy, care, and friendship. Their support conversations with each other had everything; from goofy and fun, to soothing and nurturing, to painful and harrowing.

The connections that the BL goons have to the pre time skip missions gave part 1 story so much more meaning, and it only gets better after the time skip. I really appreciate that the BL bean boys actually feel relevant to the main story, and that their input and opinions actually mattered. The cast’s struggle to come to a consensus on the best course of action during the war phase made them feel like actual people with opinions, unlike in CF, where everyone was just a mindless passenger to Edie’s not so merry joyride. This also made Dimitri’s arc way more impactful because the narrative actually holds him accountable for the consequences that his behavior/poor decisions had on others. What I also really liked about the war phase is that you could just feel how war torn the kingdom was and how much everything went to shit after the time skip. I felt really strongly to the characters’ sense of hopelessness at fighting a losing battle as they struggled to keep their home land in tact while everything just kept spiraling out of control and deteriorating further.

So to see the BL goon beans slowly, one battle at a time, turn the tide of the war and push back against the corner they were backed in, was SO fulfilling and rewarding. The battle of Fhirdiad is probably my favourite battle in the entire game because it felt like all the suffering and toiling that the BL goons went through was finally worth it, and just watching the kingdom slowly heal after being liberated was just such a good feeling. This kind of payoff is something I think CF sorely lacked, since tbh, I struggled to celebrate Edie’s victories with her. Though I do appreciate how Edie’s a much more threatening antagonistic force than either Dimitri or Rhea were in CF too bad Edelgard’s boss battle was pathetically easy and Dimitri shredded through her armor like swiss cheese... at least Rhea put up a slightly challenging fight.

I could gush about the characters all day, but Dimitri? He makes this game, 100%. This truly felt like his story and he was the star of this route. On a superficial level, I’m a basic bitch as well as a slut for angsty boys who have trouble talking about their trauma because I want them to rail me. I fucking loved his feral personality it was just so fun to watch and interact with LMAO 10/10 would let him use me until the flesh falls from my bones. His dialogue in this state is just so demeaning, belittling and raw that it somehow comes a full circle and becomes charming I promise I’m not a sick masochist.

I’m also a degenerate and dimileth is my otp. The way the relationship between Dimitri and Byleth develops over the game truly felt like a bond forged over time. The way Dimitri admits that he couldn’t trust Byleth at first because he was put off by the way they could “kill without batting an eye”, to being so elated when he sees them smile for the first time that he’s completely mesmerized when they starts expressing emotion... oof, talk about otp material. I think what really sold me is the way he’s their anchor after Jeralt’s death; their emotional support both in a traditional sense, but also in a darker sense when he declares he will kill anyone so they desire it because their enemies are his enemies. Character A declaring they’d die for character B? Soft shit. Character A declaring they’d kill for character B? A+ romance right there, boys.

On a non superficial level, Dimitri’s character arc of his fall from grace and subsequent redemption was absolutely phenomenal. Just seeing how far he sinks, how far he goes, only to see how far he climbs his way back up after hitting rock bottom, was such a roller coaster and I loved every minute of it. I also probably like revenge stories more than I care to admit. Dimitri has everything; blood lust, cruelty, obsession, but also empathy and compassion so extreme that it’s his very own innate kindness that drives him into insanity, which is what makes him such a compelling character in my eyes. The extremity of his psychosis was absolutely heart breaking, but despite everything, him making the conscious decision to change for the better and rise up to fulfill his role as king was just astounding to watch.

I will say though... maybe I have a screwed up moral compass but tbh Dimitri brutally killing imperial soldires didn’t really upset me because... this is war??? That he didn’t even start?? Everyone is killing everyone??? Even if he never went feral, he’d still be killing because his bloody kingdom is being invaded?????? But I digress.

While I think just how damn avoidable everything was kind of detracts from the tragedy of his relationship with Edelgard, I still really loved how steadfast and unconditional his love for her was (after he stops going feral), and you can tell just how much she meant to him every time he spoke of her. I also love how the dagger kind of becomes a symbolic motif throughout the story, and Edie throwing the dagger at him in the final cutscene as a sign of her wholehearted rejection of him was just fucking depressing, but also very fitting of her character.

I adore the whole overarching narrative and themes surrounding grief and death, befitting of a war game. How, as tempting as it is to constantly keep the memory of the dead alive, there comes a point where you have to move on and not let your life be ruled by those no longer around. The way that the characters react to the death of loved ones and grieve so differently was a huge highlight of the BL squad’s characterizations, which just makes them feel more alive and human. Honestly, no words can really describe just how incredible of an experience Azure Moon was.

Anyway my order from favourite to least favourite BL goon bean boys are: Dimitri > Ashe >/= Sylvain >/= Felix > Ingrid > Mercedes > Annette > Dedue. (I love Ashe/Sylvain/Felix almost equally LOL)

tldr my experience with Azure Moon:

tfw my second best girl is childhood friends with all the best boys in the entIRE GAME and she settles for a guy with a dead wife, daughter, and most likely triple her age :|.

I’ll be finally playing Golden Deer next, which I’m gonna do on NG+ Maddening so.... hope that goes well!!

#fire emblem three houses #ellie plays fe3h terribly

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kayah16 · 4 years ago

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Get Your Shit Together

Mitch Malone has never listened never. Only time he did listen was when he was either being yelled at, cussed out, or attacked. That was mainly by Lainey. When they broke up after he fucked up it got worse. With Lainey he knew where it was coming from it was coming from a place of love and concern. Getting back into the family business was draining and deadly but he enjoyed it.

He enjoyed the rush of having to find the next hit his family wanted dead. The thrill of knowing he couldn’t be touched because of who he was related to. People thought he was cocky before but now that he was fully back his cockiness got worse. It was almost as if he didn’t lose Lainey, Treasure, and Diego because of this reckless decision.

Now he was just being reckless. The way he was acting wasn’t sitting well with some members of the Young Family. Mitch had to be fucking up badly for Benny to confront him about his actions. He was the only male member who wanted to talk to Mitch because the rest wanted to beat his ass. Benny made some stupid decisions and he knew it, but he didn’t think Mitch would make this bad of a decision.

Then it was him going on his family word about anything or not believing Lainey. It was almost as if he didn’t know Lainey. Why would she lie on his family? Benny wanted to go and talk some sense into his friend, but Mama and his big brother told him to mind his business. Because he didn’t want to get his ass beat, he decided not to say anything else to his friend.

Cameron wanted to beat Mitch’s face in just because he was being a smug asshole and he didn’t like that. While his little sister was with him, they could have lost all three of them because of Mitch’s actions. He never liked Mitch and he let it be known. Cameron wasn’t one to play games especially when it came to his family. Of all the dumb shit Mitch could have done, why the hell did he join back in the family business? Why put his life at risk? Why did he put Lainey and their kids at risk?

Mama watched her son pace the floor knowing he was pissed. She couldn’t blame him; she was pissed with Mitch as well. She was disappointed in him mostly. What is it with him and Benny making stupid decisions that was costly to their damn lives? Mama had to keep her husband from wanting to kill Mitch. That was hard to do but she managed to keep him from doing it. Mama and Cameron was waiting on Mitch to arrive so they could talk to him.

They didn’t like the road he was going down and they wanted to talk to him. Cameron kept pacing the floor talking to himself preparing what he wanted to say. He didn’t want to come off aggressive or rude, but the way Mitch had him fucked up it was going to be hard. Plus, Mitch’s ass was running two hours late and Cameron hated that shit. If he gave you a certain time to meet with him, he expected you to be there on time.

Unless one of Mitch’s family members died, he had no excuse as to why he was late. He would be wrong if he just punched the hell out of Mitch when he arrived. Cameron stopped pacing to think that over and decided that he was going to punch Mitch. Just for the hell of it. This was strike number 20 for Mitch. That is right

Cameron kept count of how many times Mitch would fuck up. Mitch should be glad Cameron was practicing patience and praying before he went off. That was thanks to wanting to set a nice calm example for CJ and because Marcie asked him. Mitch pulled up not a care in the world that he was two hours late.

He was Mitch Malone, who was going to check him? Nobody. Parking his freshly bought car he stepped out of it locking it and dusted himself off before going to knock on the door. Clenching his fists Cameron counted then took a long deep breath. Going to answer the door his five second training went out the window seeing Mitch’s face. Not being able to stop himself, he balled his fist up and connected it with Mitch’s nose causing him to fall on the ground. Mitch held his bloody nose glaring at Cameron who was waiting on Mitch to act bold.

“What the hell is your damn problem?”

“You’re my got damn problem! I gave yo ass a certain time to be here and you show up late!”

“I had….”

“I don’t give a fuck what your family had you to do. I said to be here a certain time and I meant it. Now get your dumbass up.”

Mitch continued to glare as he stood up still holding his bloody nose following Cameron inside the house. Mama shook her head as her son came back with a towel for Mitch’s nose. Snatching the towel Mitch put it to his nose and sat across from Mother and Son. Cameron’s leg shook as he looked at Mitch putting his thoughts together to make sure he didn’t say the wrong thing. After five minutes Cameron started to talk.

“Why are you making dumbass decisions?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play stupid with me. Why are you making dumbass decisions?”

“How? I’m just working for my family.”

“My fucking point. You went back to working for your damn family knowing they ain’t no damn good!”

“Watch your mouth. You don’t know them.”

“Make me watch my mouth. Make me. Have you realized that the only one who really loves your dumbass is Grandma Rose? The rest of them think you’re an idiot.”

“No, they don’t.”

“Yes, the fuck they do. Out of all your members in your family, why they always calling on you? Why do you have to do the dirty work?”

Mitch looked at Cameron then at Mama Hanna then down at his feet. He didn’t want to hear that, Lainey told him that when they were together. He didn’t want to think his family would do him like that.

“You may not give a fuck about your life but damn man you have people who love your dumbass. Damn sure isn’t me. You have Treasure and Diego who love you. My dumbass brother still fucks with you. If not for yourself then do it for my niece and nephew, make better choices Mitch.”

Cameron flexed his hand before leaning to kiss Mama on the cheek. Standing up he gave one last glance to Mitch before heading upstairs. He had a lot he wanted to say but he wasn’t going to beat Mitch up that bad with his words. A broken nose and hurt feelings were enough for Cameron at this very moment. Mama and Mitch sat in an uncomfortable silence as Mitch tried not look at the pissed off look on the older woman’s face. Honestly, Mama didn’t know what to say but one thing was on the tip of her tongue. Leaning forward with her hands clasped together she said one thing.

“Get your shit together, Mitchell.”

It was the tone it she delivered it in that made a chill run-down Mitch’s spine. He knew when she cussed or cursed, she was pissed off. It was the punch from Cameron and his words now that one simple sentence Mama spoke made him want to reflect, he needed to reflect.

AN: I rewrote this damn thing so many times but it finally pieced together for me lol. Sucks. Sorry.

#Haves and Have Nots Fic #Kayah writes a mess

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mageicalwishes · 5 years ago

Text

Read on AO3: here

Read the previous chapter (On Tumblr): here

Summary: “I’m egging your house for a dare, but you’re parent is a cop and now they’re yelling at me, so I told them you were my ex and you wronged me, and now you’re coming outside, so please just go along with this, I really don’t want to go to jail” AU When Simon Snow agreed to egg some posho’s house, he never thought he’d find himself here - The only thing standing between himself and a criminal charge, the word of a handsome stranger.

Chapter: 4/?

Words: 3,831

Baz

SS (20:14): What are you up to anyways?

ME (20:15): Well, I was reading a book. But now I’m talking to you ... Obviously.

SS (20:15): Oh shit, sorry. I can text you l8r if you prefer. I didn’t mean to bother you.

ME (20:16): No. Don’t worry, you're not bothering me. I wanted to talk to you … You’re far more entertaining than Austen, anyway.

SS (20:16): Okay cool :D

SS (20:16): Austen? Like ... Jane Austen? Is that for school?

ME (20:17): No. Just for fun.

SS (20:18): WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

SS (20:18): I had to read Pride and Prejudice for the GCSEs. It nearly killed me!

SS (20:19): I’ve never really been the best at reading, but that just took the piss! I swear to God, I didn’t understand like half of the words!

ME (20:20): That's understandable, to be honest. I will admit that the language can be a little 'flowery' at times. If you’re not really into reading, Austen isn’t exactly the most accessible literature. The stories are good though.

ME (20:21): Did you watch the film?

SS (20:23): Yeah, no kidding. I despised that fucking book!

SS (20:23): And, kind of. We watched, like, half of it in class, but we never finished it - Ran out of time.

ME (20:24): That’s unfortunate, it's pretty good, as far as adaptations go. I have the DVD somewhere. If I can find it, we could watch it together when you come over, if you’d like?

SS (20:24): Aw yeah defo :) That sounds good.

SS (20:24): Are you free tomorrow?

SS (20:25): Not for me to come over dw - I know you want to wait till your dad is away.

SS (20:25): If not dw. I know it’s a bit short notice. Soz.

ME (20:26): Don’t worry. I’m free, as far as I know. Why? What did you have in mind?

SS (20:26): I was wondering if you wanted to come play footie with me?

SS (20:27): Josh and Nathan are out.

SS (20:27): So it would just be us 2.

SS (20:28): If that’s okay with you? I know footie with just 2 is a bit difficult.

Pathetically, my chest surges at the sight of it … Just us two. It’s more than okay. It’s perfect.

BP (20:30): That’s okay, I’m sure it would still be fun - I’d like to come. What time were you thinking?

SS (20:30): 1:30ish. I can do later/earlier if it’s better for you tho.

BP (20:31): No, that won’t be necessary. 1:30 sounds fine.

SS (20:32): Okay good :) The pitch is a few mins away from the home. I could come and pick you up if you like? We could walk down together?

BP (20:32): Is my house on the way?

SS (20:33): Nah. Not exactly. I don’t mind tho it’ll only take, like, 15 mins more.

BP (20:34): I can just drive down to your house. There’s no need for you to go out of your way.

SS (20:34): Oh okay, sure. Sounds good :)

SS (20:34): Lazybones ;)

SS (20:34): Do you need my address?

BP (20:35): Yes, Snow. As talented as I may be, I’m not a psychic.

SS (20:35): Aha lol. Bigheaded much?

SS (20:36): I live on Pallot Road. Number 61.

SS (20:36): Do you know where it is?

SS (20:36): Idk the postcode off the top of my head. Soz.

BP (20:37): Yes, I know it. I’ll be there at 1:30.

SS (20:38): Cool. Can’t wait :)

I falter, unsure of how much of myself I’m willing to give away. I’ve never been good with openness - Hiding behind sharp words, and a false air of indifference. In that respect, I’m Snow’s antithesis. He’s a boy without walls - Open and forthright, to a fault. Defenseless, yet not afraid. I don’t believe that he’s ever tried to conceal any part of himself, around me - Even when we were literal strangers (Which, despite how it may feel, was barely a week ago). And, we’re certainly more than that, now (Well, I hope so, anyway). So why should I keep pretending? Why not just be real? Why not be a little more Simon Snow? I mean, he could hardly fault me for it - That would just be immensely hypocritical.

I type out my response in a rush, staring down the screen critically. Realistically, all I’m doing is parroting him. And while I know that, it feels like something much more. It feels like a partial admission of another truth. Another, much more frightening truth … That Simon Snow appears to have found himself in my affections, in a way that nobody else has before. That being with him makes my heart pulse, and my soul sing … That I’m a helpless, lovelorn fool.

Nevertheless, I scrunch my eyes closed, and hit send quickly (Before my courage, inevitably, dries up).

BP (20:43): Neither can I. It’ll be great to see you again.

————————————————————————————

He’s already standing outside when I pull up to his house. His bronze curls whipping around in the wind, messily, and a hand tracing the hem of his hoodie absentmindedly.

Shyly, I slide out of the car, and pace over to him.

“Good morning, Snow.”

“Hey, Baz!” he chirps, smiling over at me.

“You’re actually ready on time, this time. Congratulations!” I toy.

“Hey! Piss off!” He gruffs, sweeping his hair back, out of his face. “I was three minutes late. That doesn’t even count!”

“Au contraire - It most certainly does count. I was deeply inconvenienced by your casual approach to promptness. I had to sit on the stairs for a whole five minutes ... I looked like a complete prat.”

“Not my problem,” he shrugs. “You didn’t have to wait right by the door, you moron. That is completely on you.”

“Whatever,” I scoff, my face flooding with heat.

He lets out a laugh - Deep and rumbling. “You know for a smart guy, you really are awfully dumb sometimes, Baz”

I roll my eyes dramatically, unable to think up a comeback. Stumped, I decide to move the conversation forwards ...

“Have you got everything you need?” I ask, nodding my head towards the backpack in his hands - Not even bothering to question why he’s chosen to hold it that way.

“Yep. I brought a ball, and everything!”

“Perfect,” I mumble, nudging my hand against his, and pulling the bag from between his fingers. “I’ll just put this in the boot, and then we can go ... Hop on in, Golden boy.”

————————————————————————————

Simon

Baz is ruthless on the pitch (Just like I’d imagined he’d be) - Pelting across the grass at a breakneck speed, and booting goal after goal into the back of the net. Truly, He’s a sight to behold - All straining muscles, and wicked grins. I’d be basking in it … If I wasn’t so bloody annoyed.

He’s absolutely thrashing me (Of course) - 5 to Nil. It’s an absolute disaster on my end, having, apparently, lost any sort of scoring capability. And, to make matters worse, he’s not exactly coy about it - Assaulting me with a constant stream of ' Are you even trying, Snow 's and over-exaggerated, false yawns. Utter prat.

In my desperation, I stick my leg out in a particularly botched attempt at a tackle, accidentally clipping the back of his ankle, and sending him tumbling to the ground. Shit.

“Oh my god,” I breathe, squatting down onto the floor besides him, and flipping him over with a tug to his shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry. I was trying to get the ball, I swear I didn’t mean to do that.”

He glares up at me, his full lips twisted into an acrid scowl. My stomach sinks at the sight of it. Shit. I’ve really fucked this up.

But then, he’s chortling heartily (Apparently incapable of maintaining his cruel act, any longer). His face scrunching up delightfully, as his eyes well up with joyful tears.

“What the fuck even was that, you complete barbarian,” he laughs, clutching at his stomach, stupidly. “Couldn’t stand losing, so you thought you’d just try knocking me out instead ... That is definitely a foul, Snow”

“I know, I know. It was an accident though, I swear,” I whine. “Just ... Shut up, and let me help you, you dick.”

I stick a hand out, pulling him up into a sitting position. He’s a mess - Small clumps of mud and grass clinging to his face, and a nasty, bloodied scraze disfiguring his knee. Yet somehow, even with all the marks of my stupidity, he still manages to look infuriatingly good.

I take his face in my hands gently, tilting it towards mine. The laughter dies out, suddenly - His face falling marginally, as he goes eerily quiet. Unperturbed, I continue my ministrations, brushing my fingers across his face, sweeping away the debris as I go.

“I really am sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.”

“It’s alright, Snow. I was only teasing. I know it was an accident. It’s fine, really, it’s just a little scrape - Nothing a wash and a plaster won’t fix.”

“Okay,” I huff, relieved. “I didn’t bring any with me, though ... But, there’s a first aid kit back at home. We could go and patch you up there?”

“No. If it’s alright, I’d rather do it back at my own house. It’ll be much less awkward that way”

“Oh,” I drone, my voice weak with disappointment. “Sure.”

How the fuck did I manage to mess things up so quickly? We were supposed to spend the rest of the day together (I mean, neither of us ever actually said that, but it was definitely assumed), and now, within one poxy hour, I’ve managed to kill all chances of that. I'm such a bloody idiot.

“Cheer up, misery-guts,” he giggles, “There’s no need to strop - You can come too. You might just have to sneak in through the window, or something.”

“Okay, sure,” I beam, stupidly elated. “I can handle that.”

————————————————————————————

Baz

As it turns out, he really can't handle it.

“Christ, Snow,” I hiss. “You’re being way too loud. Shut up.”

“It ain't my fault! I don’t know why the fuck you thought I would be able to climb up this thing properly. It’s made for flowers Baz, not people!”

He has a point, to be honest. I knew that getting him up the trellis would be a challenge, but we didn’t exactly have many other options.

I thrust my hand out of the window, gripping onto his forearm tightly, and shifting my weight to support him properly.

With that, his body starts shaking violently, a poorly concealed chuckle escaping his lips.

“I told you to shut it, moron,” I scold (Although, there is no real malice in it - The smile is clearly audible in my voice).

“I’m trying, really. It’s just - It’s just this is like some shitty version of Romeo and Juliet, Baz. You can’t blame me!” He laughs. “It’s funny!”

“Yes well … Romeo was much more graceful about it than you!”

“Shhhh. I’m doing my best. I’m almost up! You should’ve gotten me a rope or something, it isn’t my fault!”

“Oh yes, Snow,” I deadpan. “Sorry. Let me go and grab the ten foot rope I keep under my bed at all times”

“Hey! I don’t know what kind of kinky shit you’re into! You could've had a rope lying around somewhere!”

I don’t even try and justify that with a response, choosing, instead, to focus on helping him up.

Eventually, we manage to pull him into the room - Snow plopping down onto the floor, with an unceremonious thud.

Laughing hysterically, he props himself up against the wall besides me, and rests his head against the side of my shoulder.

“Thanks for helping me up. I was so scared I was gonna fall back into that stupid rose bush.”

“It’s no problem. I didn’t really fancy having to explain to Father why you, of all people, were sneaking into my bedroom.”

“Hmmm,” he hums, his throat vibrating distractingly, against my shoulder. “You need me to help you with your leg?”

“No. I can handle it … I was going to have a quick shower, actually, if that’s alright with you? Get it properly cleaned up and everything, you know."

“Oh yeah, that’s fine,” He murmurs, lifting his head up, and shifting his body sideways (Away from mine). “What - I mean what am I supposed to do, though? Do you want me to hide somewhere?”

I puff out a breath, amused by his sincerity. “No, Snow,” I drawl. “You don’t have to hide yourself away in the wardrobe. You can just wait around here. Nobody is going to come in - Don’t worry.”

“Oh, right” He mumbles, glancing his eyes down towards the floor. “Cool.”

“Yeah. There’s plenty here to keep you entertained, though. You could play on the PS, or watch some TV … Or, you could read something, I suppose. Although, I know you’re not big on that.”

He smiles over at me, his freckled cheeks puffing out wide. It’s frustratingly adorable.

“Yeah, maybe not that. I’ll probably just watch TV, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay. I wouldn’t have offered otherwise,” I say, jumping up, and treading over to the en-suite door. “I won't be long, though, honest - I’ll be back in half an hour, latest.”

————————————————————————————

It definitely took me longer than half an hour. Although, that was Snow’s fault entirely - His lovely tackle, had left awful clumps of mud matted into my hair, so I had to give it a proper wash.

When I step back into the room (My hair still annoyingly damp), Snow has got himself starfished out across my bed, his chin propped up in his hands. He looks completely at ease, laid out in my bed like that - Even with the, admittedly, rather intimidating decor of my room.

Stepping besides the bed, I scoop his legs up in my arms, and swing them over to one side of the bed - Making room for myself besides him.

“What are you watching then, Snow?” I ask, laying myself down onto the duvet.

“Dunno. Some crap cop show. I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“No?” I ask, gasping with faux incredulity. “Would you like to play some FIFA instead? That way I can thrash you again, without sustaining any serious injuries.”

“Don’t be a wanker, Baz,” he scolds. “You know I didn’t mean to do that!”

“I know, I know,” I coo. “I’m only messing with you. Don’t stress.”

He glares at me, pouting his lips out, slightly. “Okay then,” he agrees, a sly smirk spreading across his face. “I actually play a lot of FIFA, you know. So, I reckon I’m going to enjoy beating you … Would serve you right for being such a cocky bastard!”

I raise my eyebrows in challenge, punching out a quick, mirthless laugh. “I’d like to see you try, Snow. Do your worst … We’ll see who comes out on top!”

————————————————————————————

For all my arrogance, I will admit that Snow was actually a very worthy opponent (Although, I’d never tell him that).

Considering that I’d been playing everyday for the last two months, I had assumed it would be an easy victory - But, as it turns out, I was wrong. He put up a more than admirable fight - Actually leading for the majority of the match. But, of course, I still managed to beat him - Hammering in a goal on the ninety-third minute (Much to Snow’s dismay).

“For fuck sakes!” He fumes, throwing the controller down onto the bed, childishly. “I almost bloody had it, as well!”

“There, there, Snow,” I tease, pressing a hand to his shoulder in a mocking comfort. “There’s always next time.”

“Piss off, Baz!” He whines, flopping back against my pillows with a dramatic sigh. “I’ve had enough of this shitty game!”

“Alright,” I breathe, slowly laying myself down besides him, as I desperately try to suppress the laughter bubbling up inside me. “Do you want to play a different game, then?”

“No.”

“Okay,” I drawl, my voice rising with uncertainty. “So … You want-”

“Just wanna stay here for a bit,” he gruffs.

“Okay. We can stay here, then.” I agree, my voice hushed.

As silence settles over us, I steal a glance over at him.

He’s got an arm stretched out over his face (The synthetic material of his football shirt, straining against his broad shoulders, perfectly), and beneath it, I can see the hint of a smile playing at his lips.

Unobserved, I take my opportunity to scan my eyes over him, appreciatively. Sprawled out against my bed, he looks positively obscene. His hair mussed intoxicatingly, where it rests against my pillow, and every revealed inch of skin decorated with constellations of moles. For a moment, I envision pressing my lips against them, lavishing each and every mark with the attention they deserve, but I quickly restrain myself. Allowing my mind to wander now, when he’s so close to me, would be an irreparably idiotic move.

In an attempt to cool myself down, I flutter my eyes shut, and shift my focus onto the steady puff of his breathing - Slow and constant. In and Out. In and Out. In and Out …

————————————————————————————

Embarrassingly, I’m halfway to sleep when he speaks next.

“Baz?” he whispers, poking my arm lightly. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” I mumble, my voice deep and lazy with tiredness.

“Okay. Cool,” he sighs. “Can - I mean, can I ask you something?”

“Hmmm. Of course” I hum.

“It's just that, I’ve been thinking … Did - Did you mean what you said the other day?”

I scoff, quietly. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific, if you want me to answer that, Snow.”

“Right yeah. Obviously,” he huffs, clearly frustrated.

Opening my eyes, I tilt my head over to look at him - Our eyes meeting immediately. His deep blue boring into my grey. This close, it’s far too intense.

Caught off guard, and humiliatingly wonderstruck, I avert my eyes, focusing my gaze on the canopy of my bed, instead. I feel my face flush with heat, once again, and pray to God that he doesn’t notice. That would be the last thing I need, right now.

“I just - I mean what you said to your dad,” he continues, stammering slightly.

“What bit?”

“When you were all like - 'Oh don’t worry Father, he's one of mine',” he explains, making an absolutely atrocious attempt at mimicking my accent. “I just mean like - Do you really have lots of, like - I don’t know ... Guys?”

“No,” I drone. “There’s no one else ... Never has been. I just said that to get him off of your case. He doesn’t really like talking about that stuff, so I figured it would be effective.”

“Oh,” He breathes. “Okay.”

I pause, unsure of what else to say. The silence stretches between us painfully - Tangible tension flooding the air. And then, I feel it. It’s barely a brush at first - Easy to play off as a simple accident, given our close proximity. But then, he continues. Pressing our hands together more fervently - His skin impossibly warm against mine. It’s searing - The contact lighting me up from within, as hopeful sparks ignite within me.

I gulp, audibly. “Why?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

“Just - I’m just like … Curious, I suppose,” he murmurs, his finger tip tracing it’s way along the side of my thumb. It’s feather-light, but it weighs like lead in my heart. And I think that, maybe (just maybe), he might be trying to tell me exactly what I want to hear.

He presses on, nervously, his voice wavering slightly. “It’s just that -”

Suddenly, there’s a banging at the door - Loud and insistent.

Panicked, I shove him off of the bed, sending him flopping onto the floor with a girlish yelp. Biting back a laugh, I rush over to the door, and pull it open ever so slightly.

“Basilton. Dinner is ready. I don’t know what on earth you’re doing in here, making all that racket, but you need to come downstairs now,” Father chastises.

“Of course. I’ll be down in just a minute.”

“Alright. Hurry down though. Please don’t keep us all waiting. We don’t want to start without you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Father,” I taunt, my tone laced with sarcasm. He’ll definitely lecture me about that later (He’s never impressed with my 'petulant attitude'), but, right now, I don’t particularly care.

Closing the door behind him, I scurry over back to where Snow is sat.

“You have to leave,” I whisper, rushing out the words with a frightful urgency. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time. You just - You really have to leave. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone ... So, you can't really stay.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he hushes. “It’s fine. Don’t stress. Do you want me to go right now?”

“No,” I cry. “Just - Wait until I’ve been down at dinner for a few minutes - Then you can leave … That way, you can be certain nobody will be creeping around outside.”

“Okay, sure.” he says, smiling over at me.

Looking at him - I hesitate. “But - Are you sure you’ll be okay climbing? If you’d rather wait, I’m sure that I can find some other way to sneak you out, a little bit later. I could say I'm going out to the bin, or something. If you were quiet, we might be able to get away with it.” “Baz,” he sing-songs, teasingly. “I’m sure I can climb down without your help. It’s only one floor.”

“Yes well,” I deadpan. “Forgive me for thinking it may be best to find an alternative route. You didn’t exactly dazzle me with your speed or grace in getting up here.”

He snickers, squinting his eyes at me daringly.

“Yeah, but it’ll be easier going down. So chill. I can handle it - Trust,” he reassures. “You’ve seriously gotta go and get your dinner now, though. If your dad comes stomping up here to yell at you, it’s game over for me! And then fussing over this would've been entirely pointless”

“Okay,” I huff, standing and pacing over to the door, reluctantly.

Flashing him a quick smile, I call out a quiet “Message you later, Snow,”, and then, I leave him.

————————————————————————————

I’m just tucking into my dinner, when an almighty crash tears through the hush of the dining room. Of course, I know what it is immediately - Simon bloody Snow falling off of that god-forsaken trellis.

Fucking hell. I knew I should’ve tried to sneak him out another way.

I mean, what if he’s hurt himself? It’s not exactly a steep fall, but it’s certainly enough to do some damage. And the only reason he is even here, is because of my stupid, desperate plot to get to spend more time with him - And now, he's probably laying out there with a broken leg, or something. God. I'm such a selfish dolt.

Anxiously, I slide my phone out of my pocket, beneath the table, and hurry out a quick text.

ME (19:27): Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Do you need help?

I wait, holding my breath as my leg bounces under the table, impatiently.

SS (19:28): Nah. Don’t worry. I’m good.

SS (19:28): I might’ve killed your flowers tho :/

SS (19:28): Sorry!

I smile to myself privately - Doing my best to hide my grin behind my hand.

That bloody disaster is going to be my undoing, I swear.

#carry on #wayward son #snowbaz #snowbaz fic #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch

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mcwriting · 5 years ago

Text

one kiss is all it takes

I had this cute idea pop into my brain one night when I was tryna sleep and just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

It’s wayyyyy overly descriptive but this whole thing was basically me imagining every little detail possible and putting it on the page. I’m not one for ambiguity in my writing if you haven’t noticed lol.

Anyways I’m still working on starstruck so here’s this for your troubles

Fandom: Thomas Stanley Holland (plus mention of spidey)

Ship: Tom Holland x Reader (ik the beginning has Peter but it’s explained under the cut ;) lol)

Setting: good ol’ Atlanta, GA (aka a place I wanna visit so bad)

Word Count: 4943 (omg I almost had a stroke reading that number this is my longest story to date)

Warnings: teeny bad word, some SeXuAl themes and kissing, as the title implies

Rating: T but it ain’t that extreme

sorry it’s so long lol rip

“Look, Peter, you may have been gone that 5 years, but I lost almost everything during them, and then, it all somehow got worse,” you explained through gritted teeth, standing from the end of your king sized bed to face him.

“My mom, my only source of comfort, was snapped, blipped, gone, sucked into a stupid rock for five years and me? I was stuck up here in this dumb apartment with an asshole father,” tears streamed down your face, confusing you, as you continued ferociously.

“You know what happened after maybe six months? He brought home his idiot secretary and flaunted her in front of me for over four YEARS! And guess what happened after the whole shebang was over and everyone came back?”

Your voice finally cracked and you stared at Peter for a moment before continuing.

“He pretended that he was faithful the entire time, all the while ignoring me and ruining every false hope I had that he was a decent human being. So you know what, spider boy? You may have been gone those five years, but I lost every good relationship in my life, so don’t come here pretending like you’re the only one with problems in this city,” you whispered.

He stood, reaching out to say something, but you held up a hand to stop him in his tracks.

“You know what? Just get out,” you commanded.

“Wait I-”

“Out. Now.”

He stood for a brief second before stepping to your open window. Before he could put the mask on and go, a loud voice cut through the silence over a speaker.

“Cut!” Exclaimed Jon, causing both you and Tom to relax and smile.

You wiped the unintentional tears from your face. This had been your third take and for some reason, you had finally worked up a cry for the scene. It felt right, and Tom came over to compliment you on it.

You were filming for another Spider-Man film and your character was a fresh take on Gwen Stacy, who had a new name similarly to Zendaya’s MJ.

The character was a rich, somewhat bratty New Yorker who had been eleven during Thanos’s snap and grown into a sixteen year old Midtown student by the time everyone was revived.

She hadn’t been on the European trip displayed in Far From Home, the excuse being that she was a model working events and doing photoshoots all summer. She also had become one of the most popular people in the school due to her internet fame, incredible academics, and wealth.

You had been shocked to receive the role but honored to become a member of the MCU. Over the couple of months spent in Atlanta by now, you had become integrated with the rest of the cast, getting especially close with your celebrity (and now real) crush Tom Holland.

Weekends were often spent at the house Marvel provided him, where he lived with Harry and Harrison, who was once again able to tag along as Tom’s “assistant.” You lived only minutes down the road in your own small place and would go to Tom’s to swim or just hang out.

You and Tom were currently talking, you joking that you wished the scene was done so you wouldn’t have to bring out tears again.

Almost prophetically, the Jason Bourne theme began playing over the speakers, Jon’s way of indicating that the scene was finished and needed no further work until post-production.

You looked to Tom and both of you sighed and held out arms for a hug and congratulations, ready to wrap the day as it was a late Friday night and you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed all weekend.

You two began walking off of set to go to the trailers when Jon jogged after, calling out,

“Hold on guys, I need to talk to you about next week!”

He was holding two manila envelopes, each printed with yours and Tom’s names. Jon gripped them tightly.

“So I thought I’d give you these tentative scripts for the kissing scene so you two could prepare for Monday. As always, you can do some improv or try to make it better but I thought I’d give this as a heads up,” the director explained.

You were stunned, and surely looked it too. A quick glance at Tom showed he was more collected but definitely confused too.

“I’m sorry, Jon, but kiss? You never said there would be one between us I mean, he and MJ are still together, right?” You asked tentatively.

“Yeah I’m gonna have to agree with y/n, man. You said we might have a ‘moment’ but never mentioned a kiss. The fans’ll hate us,” Tom concurred, “but I haven’t read it yet so I’m sure it makes sense.”

“Wait did I not warn you guys? I’m so sorry. I mean we can change the scene if it makes you guys uncomf-”

“NO!” you exclaimed way too quickly, face heating up. “No, no, I mean, I’ll do it, if Tom’s in. I just, uh, didn’t realize we’d have to do an actual, real kiss is all.”

You had never kissed anyone before, and the prospect of Tom Holland being your first was unbelievably tempting. Tom had nodded along and agreed to move forward with it as well. With that and the scripts now in hand, you began walking to your trailers again, Tom alongside you.

After a few moments of silence under the artificial lights outside, Tom spoke up.

“Hey, would you maybe want to practice this scene at my place tomorrow? I know it was all kind of just thrown on us and I’d definitely feel better with some rehearsing.”

You smiled at the gesture, but again blushed at the thought of kissing Tom Holland, the guy you had been crushing on since Homecoming. You were glad that there was a shadow hiding your pink cheeks.

“Honestly, that’s perfect. I can come over at like 11 and after we can all have lunch and hang by the pool?” You asked, nervously hoping he would accept as you stepped in front of the steps to your trailer.

“That’s perfect, darling,” he replied, voice smooth and clear. You couldn’t help but look back at him walking away as you climbed the steps and went through the door, butterflies making themselves present in your stomach.

You slung your bag containing a swimsuit, sunscreen, towel, and snacks over the back of a chair and tossed your keys on the end table in Tom’s living room. You, Harry, and Haz sat on the kitchen counters while waiting for Tom to come out from a shower, joking around and sipping on beverages.

Soon enough, Tom came out and led you into the office, a small room with a couch, desk, and bookshelves that connected to the backyard with a sliding glass door. It was pretty private and well lit, giving you both a comfortable environment to work.

You started off by just reading over the lines and doing some basic marking, always stopping before the kiss. The scene would tie into Friday’s take, where Peter would return to your room to apologize, and you would kiss him out of nowhere in your distress. Then, you would promptly kick him out again upon realizing the ramifications the kiss could have on Peter and MJ’s relationship.

Finally, Tom suggested you work on the kiss by itself,

“Before we do, can I make a confession?,” you questioned, chest beating heavily.

“Of course,” he said, full attention on you, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Look, Tom, I’ve never kissed anyone, in real life or acting. Can we please take this slow?”

“Absolutely y/n. I had no idea,” he looked around, “and since it’s your first time, I think a lesson is at hand.”

You cocked an eyebrow, then nodded, trying not to seem too excited. He led you over to the large, sturdy oak desk, gesturing for you to hop up.

“I know you’re in control of this during the actual scene, but if it’s okay I thought maybe I could lead it for right now? I get it if you don’t want to but-”

“No, no. That’s a great idea,” you pushed onto the desk and sat on the edge, legs dangling, “tell me what I’ve gotta do.”

He smiled and stepped forward.

“Okay, um. Well. Is it okay if I get between your legs, or put one knee in and,” you burst out in laughter at his wording, “Oh my God that sounded awful didn’t it I’m so sorry I just don’t want to push you further than you’re ready to go.”

“Tom,” you put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him closer, your knees now around his hips, “you’re doing great. And you know me, I’m not afraid to tell you what’s up if I’m not feeling it.”

He looked down at you sheepishly, then placed his hands on the desk on either side of you. Your position caused you to be only a few inches shorter than him, so as he leaned forward his face came even closer.

The proximity made your heart race, and you tried to figure out where to put your own hands, settling on your lap for now.

He grabbed your wrists and placed your palms on his back, then put his own on your shoulders.

“Okay so is it alright if I put my hands on your neck and chin? Or do you want to do something different?”

“Dude, just do what feels right. You’re the one with experience. If it goes bad, then it’s bad and we figure out what to do, right?”

“Maybe you should be the one doing this then,” he chuckled, causing you to wrinkle your nose and shake your head.

His fingers traced up your shoulders and neck, him placing the left on the nape of your neck, underneath your mess of hair, and the right just below your chin. He tipped your face up gently and you were now millimeters apart, so close that you could feel his hot breath.

“May I?” he whispered, making you gulp and give a slight nod. You could feel your eyes glazing over.

He took this as a yes and leaned in further, finally closing the gap. You closed your eyes completely to melt into his warm lips. The feeling of his fingers gripping your hair was like heaven, and after a seeming eternity, finally you separated to get some air.

Your eyes were still closed when you felt Tom brush his thumb over your lips. Upon opening your eyes and glancing up, Tom was looking at you with a soft grin mimicking yours. His left hand remained in your hair but he slid the right one down to the space between your shoulder blades.

“Was that alright for your first time, darling?” He questioned sweetly, words dripping like thick honey in the still air.

It was like fireworks were going off around you in your head.

“I, um. It, yeah. Absolutely. I’m just... wow.” you stammered, unable to compose yourself properly.

He breathed out a laugh and threw his head back, then went back to looking into your eyes. You studied the crinkles by his eyes and his lopsided grin closely, trying to burn the memory into your brain forever.

“Shall we try again?” he asked cheekily, and you responded with fervor once more.

He continued to move his right hand further down, palm spreading over the small of your back. Your nerves tingled at the touch and instinctively you arched your back. Your own hands found themselves on his shoulders and your legs wrapped all the way around his hips loosely.

The second time was longer, hungrier, more passionate.

Am I dreaming? You promptly imagined, wondering how life had brought you to this moment.

After separating this time, you could see a ravenous flame in Tom’s eyes, and you decided to try something different.

You told him to wait as you climbed further onto the desk, sitting on your knees and now towering a few inches above Tom. He looked a you with an interested glint in his eyes as you scooted closer.

Your hands found his again and this time you guided them to the lowest part of your back, hoping he would take the hint.

With that, you were now in control, grabbing each side of his face between your palms and pulling him forward and up into another kiss, his hands instinctively traveling below your hips and onto your glutes, just as you had wanted.

Suddenly you broke the kiss, afraid you were coming on too strong.

“This is all for research purposes, right?”

“Sure, we’ll call it that,” he quipped before pulling you back down.

Eventually you found yourself standing on the ground, once again shorter than Tom but happy nonetheless. The make out session continued, both of you trying to convince yourselves that with each new hand position or lean you were purely trying it all for the measly scene on Monday.

Finally, you found yourselves on the couch. You had started by just sitting next to each other, similar to how the scene described your positions, but now somehow you were sitting straddled over his lap, knees digging into the sofa and his hands once again resting on your backside.

Nothing could ruin this moment you thought as your fingers ran through his curls.

Oh how wrong you were.

You thought you were just imagining the sound of the door creaking open, but suddenly realized that you hadn’t when a new male voice spoke up.

“Woah, hey there you two,” Harry joked, causing you to whip your head around and stare at him like a deer in the headlights.

“Harry! It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” You immediately exclaimed.

Nice one, y/n. Like you aren’t just straight up making out with his brother??

“Righttttt. So anyways I just came to let you know that lunch is ready and also you guys have been in here for like an hour but feel free to finish up whatever... this is,” he trailed gesturing vaguely at you two before turning around and shutting the door behind himself.

You turned back to Tom, whose face was red as a tomato (and yours probably was too), then in record time separated yourself from his lap, heart pounding like never before.

“Sooo... lunch?” He asked awkwardly.

“Definitely. Definitely lunch.”

You were lounging on a chaise near the pool, sunglasses covering your closed eyes as you soaked in the sun. The boys were messing around in the pool and you couldn’t help but think about what happened before lunch every time Tom spoke.

“Hey y/n!” he called.

“Hmm?” you hummed, not bothering to look up.

“Why don’t you join us? We want to do a chicken fight and I need a partner.”

“Depends. How warm is the water?” you ask, still unmoving.

“Like 30 degrees! It’s so nice.”

“That’s below freezing in Fahrenheit. Not very appealing to me.”

“Alright that’s like, what, 85 f? It feels reeaaaally good, babe.”

You couldn’t help but smile when he called you babe. It wasn’t the first time he had, and he actually did it to a lot of people, but it still felt nice.

“Alright fine,” you sighed dramatically as you stood up, removed your sunglasses, and dove in.

An hour or so later, more members of the cast had come over and you decided to join Zendaya under the porch, both of you watching the new team of Jacob and Tom chicken fighting Harry and Harrison while Tony, Remy, and Angourie looked on from nearby.

“So I heard that Harry saw something going on earlier. Anything you wanna tell me?” Z mentioned slyly, lowering her sunglasses to eye you.

You groaned and placed your head in your hands.

“Is he really gonna tell everyone?” You managed to ask, wanting to crawl in a hole and hide forever.

Zendaya had been the first person to confront you about your crush on Tom about two weeks after filming began. She had told you that most of the people on set had a suspicion but were afraid to ask, so ever since then you often confided in her for advice or just to spill tea.

Finally, you sat up and quietly told her what happened, her trying to hype you up occasionally while you instead tried to shush her as not to draw the boys’ attention.

That night, after pizza and drinks with everyone, you prepared to go home, grabbing your bag, keys, and script. You called out a goodbye to everyone still there and waved, heading to the door.

Tom jumped up and followed you.

“Hey, y/n!” you turned around at his voice and could see everyone elbowing each other and whispering in the beackground. He led you out the door and shut it behind him.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright after today and say I’m sorry if I ever took things too far,” he confessed. Your heart swelled at how sweet and considerate he was.

“Honestly Tom, I could say the same. I’m was afraid you think I’m crazy or something,” you joked, causing a chuckle from both of you and him to shake his head.

“I could never. You already know how crazy I am, and I think I’ve already seen some of your wild side too,” he shot back.

You both said your goodbyes and went in for a hug. It lasted a few seconds longer than normal, and when you pulled away, he looked down at his feet. Even then, he still waited on the porch for you to get in your car and waved as you pulled away, making sure you got out safe.

It was 5 am Monday morning and you weren’t ready to head to set.

Your Sunday had been pretty standard, reading over lines in the morning and hanging out with some of your cast mates that afternoon. Once night fell, though, you found it difficult to sleep in fear of the kiss scene.

Yours and Tom’s Saturday afternoon kept replaying in your head like a Twitter gif until you finally succumbed to exhaustion, dreaming still about a certain celebrity, so you weren’t exactly well rested upon waking.

Once arriving to your trailer at Pinewood Atlanta, you dropped off your things and headed straight to hair and makeup. The scene would be set at night as your character prepared to go to bed, so only a light coating of natural foundation and clear mascara adorned your face and your hair was tied back in two french braids.

You were glad that your makeup was so quick today, but you also didn’t want to leave as dread filled your stomach about the scene.

It was one thing to make out with Tom Holland in the privacy of his own home, but another to plant one on him in front of the cast, crew, and cameras.

You headed to wardrobe, where you got dressed into comfortable black leggings and an oversized midtown sweatshirt.

You were walking out when Jon, looking down at his phone in hand, almost ran into you, stopping you in your tracks.

“Oh, hey, y/n! Just the person I was looking for. I just wanted to see how you were feeling about this whole kissing scene. Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” you laughed, “but really, Tom and I worked through it Saturday so I think it’ll be alright.”

“Right, yeah I heard about that. Harry said you guys were pretty... thorough about the scene. Well anyways, we’ll call you and Tom to set in a little bit. He’s getting in the suit right now. See you later!” Jon walked off, going back to his business on his phone.

You, on the other hand, were frozen in place, mortified. Why did Harry have the need to tell everyone that he caught you locking lips with his brother? It was just research, after all, nothing serious, you tried to convince yourself again.

You of course shouldn’t have been surprised. Leave it to a Holland brother to keep his mouth shut...

You walked onto the bedroom set, where Tom was already present with his back to you, getting some last minute translucent powder over his t-zone.

His ass and thighs looked exceptionally good in the suit today, the tight material hugging his muscular body nicely.

You felt a little bad that your costume was literally pajamas and Tom’s was spandex, but hey, you weren’t necessarily complaining.

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off any “intrusive” thoughts, considering the high you were still riding from Saturday and your nervousness for the shoot.

When Tom turned around and his eyes met yours, his face lit up.

“Hey, darling. Good morning. How are you? Are you ready?” he immediately began, his chipper voice surprising you considering how early it still was. You both went in for a hug.

“Good morning to you, too. And I think so, considering how well we prepared the other day,” you joked quietly into his shoulder.

You both pulled away and he had his eyebrows raised in response to your smirk.

He was about to rebut when Jon made his way over, putting one hand on each of your shoulders.

“Alright you two. I know you worked things out over the weekend, but you guys are gonna have to hold back a little bit, this may be an intense scene, but not that kind,” he chastised, a hint of mischief in his voice.

Jon was eyeing both of you, and you and Tom both looked to find each other blushing like mad.

With that as confirmation, Jon clapped his hands together and yelled out for the production team to get in their positions so you could camera test and eventually shoot the scene.

With everything planned out, you both got into character and found yourself in place to begin.

The AC held a clap board in front of the camera, waiting for the all clear to begin your take.

“Alright, action,” Jon called over the microphone.

You walked across the room, stopping in your footsteps.

“Peter...” you trailed in surprise.

He pulled off the mask and shook his head, motioning for you to wait and allow him to speak.

He began apologizing, trying to convince your character to give him a second chance and even try to be friends.

Then he started talking about his parents and uncle Ben, causing your face to fall over time as realization that both characters had experienced extreme loss in different ways, his much worse than yours.

Both of you eventually sat on the side of the bed closely and looked at each other, a sad expression glazing your features. You looked down in thought.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked tentatively.

An overwhelming urge took you over and your lips crashed into his. You had squeezed your eyes shut and put a hand on his shoulder. Peter stiffened like a board, but then kissed back.

Suddenly, you pulled back, eyes wide open.

“Oh my God. You’re with MJ. I just kissed a taken man. Peter, you just kissed me back!”

Panic overcame your voice.

“You have to leave, now!” you exclaimed in your alarmed state.

“Wait, we can talk about this, it wasn’t what you think!”

“Peter, I can’t do this to your girlfriend. She doesn’t deserve this. You need to go, and you should probably give her a heads up about what happened. But please,” your voice was desperate now, “make sure she knows it’s my fault. Make her hate me, not you.”

Parallel to the last scene, Peter went back to your open window, ready to mask up and swing out.

“Cut!” Jon called out again, then asked you to stay in your positions while he came down.

“Guys that was great!” he began upon getting closer. He then gave you both a few notes, explaining that you would need to do the shot a few more times at least to get it really solid.

After every take, both you (and hopefully Tom) became more comfortable kissing in front of the crew. It took another twenty or so takes with different motivations and movements and angles before Jon called it done.

Both of you suspected that he and everyone else really just wanted you to kiss more, but no one would mention it out loud.

With the scene finished, everyone prepared to film other parts of the movie where Peter would have his mask off and you got to have a few breaks, watching from afar with Harry, Harrison, and some of the other assistants.

Harry leaned over at some point during the afternoon.

“You two really tamed it down, huh?” he whispered. You gave him a backhanded hit to the bicep.

“Oh shut up. We were acting, that’s all.”

He raised a suspicious eyebrow and leaned in again.

“Tell that to the video Harrison got of you two in the study. He may or may not have set up a camera in the bookcase,” he suggested, glancing over to Tom’s oblivious best friend.

You gasped and straightened up.

“I’ll kill him,” you too looked to Haz, then Harry again, “but after he shows me the footage.”

A long filming day had once again commenced, and you were packing up your bag to head home when a knock was heard on the door of your trailer.

The distinct rapping pattern alerted you that it was Tom and you opened it up to see him looking down at his phone.

“Hey, y/n. Ready to walk to the parking lot?” he asked holding out his hand to help you down the steps.

For a while now, Tom or one of his “assistants” would usually walk with you to your car for safety purposes, especially if it was dark out.

As you both strolled through the darkness, you couldn’t help but notice the slower pace you both took on, trailing quite a few yards behind Harry and Haz, both of whom laughing at who knew what while going to Tom’s vehicle.

“So I think today went well,” you brought up, not sure where it would go.

“Yeah it was fun. I do have to say, however, that Saturday was a bit more enjoyable than this morning,” he implied, eyeing you.

“Oh yeah? I’d agree, but I hear that your best friend happened to catch it all on video.”

He huffed and rolled his eyes.

“That voyeur, always ruining the moment. Maybe we oughta try it again sometime, without the threat of others watching,” Tom suggested, surprising you.

You decided to get bold.

“You’re not even gonna take me out first? The nerve of some people,” you jokingly scoffed, gazing away from Tom at the cars highlighted in moonlight.

“Okay,” he replied, mimicking the way you had looked away when you turned back to face him. There was a faint smile on his lips.

“What?”

“I said okay. Let’s go on a date.”

You stopped in your tracks and fully turned towards him and he followed suit.

“You don’t mean that do you? Like, you actually would take me on a date?”

“If it meant that I could kiss you one more time I would take you on a million dates,” he replied sincerely.

You couldn’t help the way your jaw dropped in surprise. Both of you stood silently staring at one another, unsure of what to say.

Suddenly, you burst into giggles and he did too.

“That was so cheesy!” you exclaimed between laughs, both of you doubled over, and he nodded in agreement.

After calming down you gave him a toothy grin.

“The answer is yes, by the way.”

“Really?” he asked incredulously.

You began walking again, your car just in sight.

“Of course. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve had a huge crush on you since before we even met,” you confessed. You stopped again, just behind your car bumper.

“Coulda fooled me. I thought I was the one being obvious. I have been attracted to you since the first time we met, and my feelings have only grown since knowing you.”

You couldn’t help the butterflies erupting in your stomach and your widening smile as you looked up into his eyes.

“You know, I think I could make one exception right now, as long as you’re willing to make it up later?” you proposed, your eyes looking to the moon and stars now as you awaited his reply.

“I think that’s a debt I can handle,” he responded, snaking a hand around your waist and the other up under your chin again.

He closed the gap between you both and you smiled against his lips, eyes closing in euphoria.

You could’ve probably stayed there forever, but the hoots and hollers of the other two British boys just across the aisle made you both pull away.

You looked towards the voices to find Harry and Harrison sticking out of the sunroof of Tom’s Audi A8, where they were still cheering and Harrison was holding up his phone to film.

Both you and Tom couldn’t help but laugh at the once again unfortunate circumstance as he threw an arm over your shoulder to pull you close and you put one hand on his chest next to where you rested your head.

Maybe you two were destined to be seen every time you smooched, but hey, at least you were the one kissing Tom Holland.

A/N: yo this took way too long to write. Mostly bc I’m still in the process of writing starstruck and I always get stuck deciding on which piece to work on every night but alas! It is done! I’m proud of this one. I know it’s long, but I think it’s worth it ya know? Hope you all enjoyed! XO love y’all :)

#one kiss is all it takes #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #marvel #harrison osterfield #Harry Holland #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #sm:ffh #spider-man #spiderman #spider man #Spider Man: Homecoming #tom holland spider man #spider-man far from home #tom holland oneshot

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opinuun · 5 years ago

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Do you guys remember when this was a studio Ghibli blog and I’d post gifs? 2017 was a good year lol. Anyway. As a child, I never knew I’d thirst for a 2-D otome man, but sadly I’ve stopped. Yes, after two years of obsession, it’s time I retire from the fandom. I’m keeping the blog though. Ran this shit for years, ain’t gonna give up now that my horny-meter has plummeted to an all time record low. Did you guys know blogs don’t have a character limit??

Oh god. I didn’t know this blog would suddenly receive so much attention. Please, I am begging you to not scroll down. It’s endless MysticMessenger posts from two years ago.

Hey, I'm once again: back, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this blog. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends...*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people...now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and...uh...I'll...uh...send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea...*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans...*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are...anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1...2...3...4...5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now...It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer...so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed...not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey...Okay...now I'm back. That's the sixth time I've said back! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. I'm not exactly sure who they are, but: thanks! Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioning...that's not good...I have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. Or maybe not. This is too frustrating. Goodbye for now...Now I'm back. And still frustrated. But for a different reason. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Apparently the point of the game was to get your character to shout "Whoo-Hoo!" as many times as possible before you splattered your brains on the rocks, all the while listening to a soundtrack that is similar to a dying ceiling fan. Of course, when I started out I accidentally hit the rocks approximately three million times. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. So my goal changed from surviving to laughing evilly while my character died. So the game naturally did everything it could to preserve my life. The stupid game is still going on and I refuse to quit because I want my points. My character is actually dodging the stupid rocks better now then when I controlled him. I hate irony. Seeya. Okay. Now I'm back again. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. It's more like techno talk about arrays and how much I suck and whether or not the Braves will win this year. Okay, the whole braves thing is made up. But everything else I've said so far is true. I think. Maybe I should start on a boring disclaimer...Eh-hem. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Any use thereof that is not stated in the above mentioned statement would make the author, hereby referred to as Patron Saint of Paper Clips, very angry. Should you violate the purpose of this site: i.e. become not entertained, the Patron Saint of Paper Clips will be forced to take drastic measures. This is specified in Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook. Ooooo…that’s a great idea! I’m gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! Code: 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (that’s me) is allowed to cause vague, pain like sensations while the offending person (or alien life form, dog, etc.) isn’t paying attention. Now I have a purpose in life! To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which I’m sure you have a copy of. No? Too bad. It’s in the mail, I promise! Now I must take my leave…and remember. Cheese is watching. Okay...I'm back...I think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over again...that's just weird. Which fits the motif of the rest of the site. There's even a money back guarantee. Isn’t' that nice? See? Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. Especially since I don't have viewers. I have readers. Wait...I really don't even know if anyone bothers to read this. Even if I put it in a less chaotic, more user-friendly format people would still ignore this because it involves: reading. Yes. Sad to admit, but the majority of people would rather read the summary at the back of a book rather than the whole book itself. What has the world come to? It's pathetic. Especially since I'm bothering to write all this. It's not fair! Why can't I have more readers?! All the other internet writers have nothing on me, except they're better at advertising, having a central theme/plot and basically more talented. Whereas I'm more into the whole ranting and raving stage right now. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. Which is bad. Thank the powers that be for spell-check. The single greatest invention of the computer gods. I'm getting bored, so I think I'm done for the day. May your day be shiney! I'm back again! And I feel weird! I found at that yet another one of my friends is reading this. Creepy. Just how much time do they have on their hands. Perhaps their just trying to be nice. I can just see it now...an organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites. I wonder what it's name would be. Don't Ignore Sites? Would it be called DIS? Isn't that like a slang term for an insult? Would that be considered poetic justice, or just a nice coincidence? And why do I even care? I'll tell you why. Because I have nothing else to do right now. I could be playing neopets, but ever since my bad experience with Treasure Planet, I don't feel like it. Oh, by the way, I noticed that whenever I use spell-check, my stupid computer turns the word probley into to word problem. To prevent this, I did nothing. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problem...it's almost like a game! But without the bad sound track. And I promise not to force you to live when you would rather die. Moving on, I have nothing else to say, but don't feel like quitting just yet. I'm like the little engine that could. Or maybe the Energizer Bunny. I just keep going, and going and going. Or I could be like that annoying guy on T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. If my site manages to last a decade, my readers *snicker* will probley wonder what I'm talking about. My answer is simple. It doesn't matter. I'm just rambling. Which means that it doesn't matter if you understand anything I say. Doesn't that make you feel better? I bet it does. Wow. Look how long this has gotten. I even impress myself. Who would have thought I have this much free time? And I congratulate any reader who has gotten this far. Ooooooo! You must check out the fortunes section of the random stuff page! I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunes...I gotta go!(may the moose be with you) And now I am back. I swear. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite word...I already have filled it out, though. Would it be cheating to fill it out again? Only if I had multiple personalities. Or would it be cheating if I didn't have multiple personalities? The world may never know. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. Would it vary? The number of licks, I mean. Someone could have super-disolving spit, or watery-spit. Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? Does the commercial take that into account? No. It doesn't. And let me tell you, it's an outrage. It deludes all of American's sweet, innocent, candy-loving children into thinking that a cartoon owl is smarter than they are! "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" Or whatever. And "Mr. Owl" replies "One...Twoo...Three! Chomp" And he bites it. That teaches our youth that it's okay to agree to help someone, and then ruin their experiment. Well...it's not. I am going to start a protest group. Teens Against Cartoon Owls. We could call ourselves TACO! I love the little tacos, I love them good! That is a direct quote from GIR, co-star and comic-relief on INVADER ZIM. Hmmmm...intersting. I put hyphens in both of his titles...it must be a conspiracy! I gotta go. Those TACO buttons don't make themselves, you know. I'm back again. And not so cheesed off about the whole tootsie roll pop thing. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. And I can't think of anything else to do. So, predictably, here I am. It's not like I have anything better to do. Obviously, you know this. After all, look how long this text is. I wonder if I've made the world record? If I did, would I stop this? Why bother asking? I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. Hmmmmm...has any old, senile person ever written anything? Was it coherent? Did it make more sense that this text? Is it possible to make less sense? Am I enjoying asking retorical questions? Yes. Yes, I am. But I seriously wonder what something written by a senile person would be like. I've heard of poems and stuff written by people who were high, insane or paranoid. But never senile. Can a senile person write? Aren't they regressed to a child-like state? Does it even matter? Is anyone even reading this? Did I resume asking retorical questions? Do you care? Is this eating up time? I feel like I'm playing questions only on whose line is it anway. I probley should have capitalized something, or underlined but I'm feeling lazy...hey, you try to keep your two and a half readers happy! It's really stressfull. Someday, I'm gonna snap and just delete this entire thing. Gee, I hope not! I worked sorta hard on this. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. That made little sense. That's why it's here, and not some critically acclaimed site. Ooooooooooooo! I'm gonna quote from the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK again! Yep! I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. Okay. Here goes. Code: 472 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that this site in no way aknowledges the existance of other, better sites (hereon reffered to as the Losers) The Losers are a myth. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips (me again!) claims no knowledge as to where that particullary nasty rumor started, but confirms that this is the best site ever. It would be a sin against humanity for a better site to exist. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. Experience vague, pain-like sensations when you're not paying attention) This has been a public service announcement. This is a test, I repeat only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have bought up all the can openers and charged 3 cows and a pig for each one. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. I repeat, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. The end is not here. I'm going, you're on you're own! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm back!*smiles brightly* And apparantly delusional! Anyway, I just finished rereading my longest text ever. And I became inspired to talk about nothing. You see, I periodically read the longest text ever to check the constant downward spiral of my sanity. Hmmm...I seem to be entertaining myself though, even while reading what I wrote. Which is why I still go to the Really Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything website. Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. Maybe, some day far in the future (like next Thursday) I'll print a copy of this insane text. And then go door to door distributing it. Eventually, this would become a monthly tradition. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. I can just see the whole community rising to thwart my attempts to spread love, joy and insane chaos. I probley wouldn't actually print this out (think how much paper it would take!) but if I do, only friends and enemies will receive copies. Hmmmm...maybe my condition is worsening. Or not. I'm still peeved about the cartoon owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercials. He is pure evil. TACO will eventually destroy him. Unless he has already been destroyed by an even more radical Anti-Cartoon-Owl group. I hope not. Or, would that be good? I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. What line of buisness, do you ask? Why, the assasinating annoying cartoon characters buisness. (Actually I just question them untill they spontaneously combust, I ask lots of questions) So, in conclusion, ladies and gentleman of the jury(that's you) I could not have possibly tortured "Mr. Owl" to death. I love owls. Hmm...I seem to be jumping from one subject to another more frequently. Either I am growing more comfortable with my on-line writing, or I am progressivly getting more insane and chaotic. I also am psyco-analyzing myself a lot today...hmmmm...I'm even saying "hmmmmm..." a lot. Just like a real psychologist. Hmmmmmmm. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) actually claim to be mentally ill. That's either a) a publicity stunt b) An attempt at humor c) a cry for help or d) none of the above You can e-mail your responses by conducting a scavenger hunt of this site. Some of the pages of this site contain a link encouging the two and a half people to e-mail the Patron Saint of Paper Clips. There may also be evil little links that are designed to confuse you. These links send stuff to someone named [email protected] Saint of Paper Clips does not know who this individual is, but sincerly wishes that you send all your hate mail to him. Not that the aformentioned individual claims to have received hate mail (or mail of any kind) via a website link. Thank-you for your time. Remember to send your answers to my sanity quiz to the e-mail account, [email protected] Oh, and once I refer to myself in the first person again, the handbook quote is over. I just thought that I might like to mention that. Oh. You're still here. I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. HA! HA! HA! That's funny!!!! If you you don't have time to waste, what are you doing here?!!! Oh, who am I kidding. I figure that even the people I manage to lure onto my site from neopets don't even bother to come to this particular page. Maybe I should make the link come here directly...Hey! What a good idea! That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! I'm a genius. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! I'm back. And really angry, and confused. I've always known that I was weird, that's always been a given. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Today we had a "family outing." Now, most families will go bowling, or putt-putt golfing. They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Not my family! No, we got the greatest family outing of all. We got to go to a bar and play pool!!!!!*waits for readers to become insanely jealous* Yep, that's right, a bar with a pool table! Not only did we get world class cuisine (under-cooked hotdogs and over-cooked hamburgers), my little sister (age 10) got taught pool by someone I strongly supect is an ex-convict! Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The food was superb, (our food came the exact opposite of how we ordered it, and half of the onion rings were missing) Then we joyfully returned to our game(my sister and the ex-con played my mom) We spent hours there (from 5p.m.-7:15p.m.) There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. She promptly borrowed $1 to help with the waitresses tip(This part I'm not being sarcastic about) All in all it was a night I'll remember forever (as the lowest point in "family outing"history, except for that time my mom dragged me to a church thing on the concept of truth.) My brother(age 13) even decided upon a new job he wants when he's old enough to work, a busboy at the bar. We had to tell him that he would probley have to wait untill he was 21.(Absolutly nothing about that statement was sarcastic) As you can see, I love my families outings(Not unless you're blind...or stupid) &#!#%&&!!!(*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? BRINGING $#$$# KIDS IN A BAR!? I know it was her idea, 'cause my dad hates it, too. My mom and my stupid little 10-year old sister loves it, though. *sighs* Why does my life have to be so weird? I'm leaving...now I'm back! And not so pissed at my weird family. Now is the time to mourn the loss of one of my most loyal readers (I think she's read the entire thing one time, which is more than anyone else has done so far) She has been banned from accesing any portion of the Internet, do to reasons that must remain confidental due to security reasons. If I told you, I'd have to kill you and all that stuff. So...now I am down to one and a half readers. Untill such time that I have more. I wonder why anyone would read this? You would have to have several characteristics that I possess. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. Second of all, you would have to have the patience to read through all of this. And lastly, you'd have to know where the heck this site is. I admit it. I haven't exactly advertised this site. Nor can I find it on any search engines. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. What must I do to rise above obscurity? I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. I suppose that is the bane of all authors. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. *sniffle* Why must this be? Maybe I should just give up. After all, no one would really care if I quit updating this site. But I can't help but think of stuff like the evil over lord list and REALLY REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. They are not great neccesarily because of the content, (although that helps some) they are great because of their sheer length. You can read a little each day. And almost never finish. Also, I guess I still am trying to get the world record. I have heard some feedback suggesting that I make someway for people to remember where they stopped reading. It can be very confusing, especially if you weren't paying attention in the first place. Well, I dont want to organize this page, in any manner. This is chaos. And insanity. Not neat little text in classifiable rows, in alphabetical order. If you want neat, go to some other site(though, as mentioned in Flaming Chickens Code:472 there is no such thing as a site better than this one). Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Awwwww...I'm touched! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. You're still here, which must mean that you'd rather be here than anywhere else! Hey, where are you going?! I thought you were gonna stay here and keep me company?! *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! *gagged reader glares* What's that? I know this is the best site ever, thanks for the compliment! *reader starts inching towards freedom* I better go...I think that I may have a problem brewing. I'm back. And very concerned about this new, younger generation (all 10 year olds who were born in 1992) They are supposed to be the future. Instead they appear to be a nuclear armagedon in the form of a fifth grader. I chanced to have an interview with an informant from this evil generation (my little sister) who will be called Mrs. X for security reasons (no, she's not married, the "Mrs" makes it good as a disguise) I was quizing Mrs. X on Civil War History for an upcoming test in her classroom (whose location can not be devulged) Mrs. X seemed fluent in the subject. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked Mrs. X who participated in the Civil War. She immediatly replied "Clara Barton". I clarified, which countries fought in the Civil War. She answered: England, Russia, and (out of sheer desperation) Iraq. I believe that she was just listing countries she knows America has fought against. Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but Iraq? I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Why on earth would we go have way across the world to fight them when we didn't even really need oil?!! Moving on, I finaly managed to coax my sister (I'm tired of writing Mrs. X) to tentativly guess that America fought in the Civil War. I mean, who'd a thought? America? Fighting in the American Civil War? In a moment of inspiration, I asked her who America fought. Her first guess was enslaved africans. Well, at least she knows that slaves were involved in the war. Before she could start listing all of America's enemies, I gave her a hint. I said "The Union fought..." With a crack, snaple and pop, some random synapses in her brain connected in the right order and she said "CONFEDERACY!!!" I was very proud of her, just as you would be proud of a two-year-old who has just announced: "I WENT POO-POO ON THE POTTY!!!!!" What I mean is, you wouldn't be very proud if the average person said that they just took a dookey on the toilet, and you wouldn't be very proud if they knew who fought against the Union in the Civil War. I confirmed that the Union was Northern and Free, and that the Confederacy was Southern and Slave. We resumed quizzing and she got every question on the worksheet correct. This is because she memorizes the questions. That way, she can pass the test without actually learning anything. You see, if you memorize stuff, you only have to remember that the answer to number 6 is Clara Barton for a week, rather than having to remember that Clara Barton started the Red Cross for the rest of you life. I sincerely appologize if anyone is offended by my view of memorization. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. You don't belong here. You see...knowledge is good. If my sister...uh...Mrs. X were ever asked a question on the Civil War on a quiz show, she'd come up with nothing. With knowledge you can win money and the opportunity to look like a dork on national television. My sister is a big believer in the memorization system. I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. I tried to explain. I asked her how you dress on the forth of july (she said nice) I asked what the colors red, white and blue were (pretty). I gave up in exasperation. More recently, I was trying to instill a sense of empathy and niceness in her. I asked her what the golden rule of christianity was. She didn't know. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. Completly defeated, I told her that it was the religion she practiced every Sunday when she went with her friends to church. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. Anyway, that's my rant on the new generation that contains my little sister. When someone of her generation runs for president, I'm gonna do a complete background check. If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. Gotta go...the Russian-Brittish-Iraqi-enslaved-Africans are coming to defeat the Mexicans. I'm back! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) Furthormore, is it considered accepted behavior to talk to these dead reptiles, in a cooey, baby talky kind of voice? Finnaly, is it expected for said sibling's non-gender specific parent to encourage such behavior, citing "I was just like that as a child" as an excuse? It's an honest question as I fear that my non-gender specific sibling is weird. Who am I kidding? My entire family is weird. It's just a matter of degree. Hey, by the way. I'm sorry that my last few entries have been only about my various family antics. Although I can't see why you care, because there is a large probability that you do not exist, because I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. How discouraging. People need to make the time to waste time. It's a time honored tradition. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? It's been pretty quiet here lately, which is why I haven't added anything to this text in awhile. I know, you were just crushed that nothing new was happening. It's a sad, cold, cruel world out there and you had nothing to relieve the monotony of it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Next thing you know, you're internet connection will die. Well, too bad! Do you know I never even had a computer untill just a few months ago (that's why I'm obsessivly writing here) So I won't pity you if you're computer dies for unexpected reasons. Time for another quote from the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK!!! Code: 843 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook states that in no way is the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who?) responsible for any faulty wiring or lack thereof in your computer. The Patron Saint of Paper Clips in no way wishes harm on your computer. Any derogatory statement is simply an opinion of an individual, not of the flaming order of the flaming chickens. Said order will in no way be held responsible for any damages, injuries, loss of life, limb, head, or organs. Okay, quote is done. Maybe I should put quotation marks around them...nah, too much work. But I probably will eventually get around to having a seperate page just for the FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK. That way all the members (what members) can print out a copy of it for themselves (if they didn't get that copy in the mail) I guess I'm done for the day...I know. You want me to stay. It's okay. Because eventually, I'll be back! Seeya! I'm back. And once again suprised. When I was at a TAB poetry thingy (TAB is good TAB is great We love TAB) I met some new people. One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. As in...she read the ENTIRE Longest Text Ever. The whole thing. So far two whole people (to my knowledge) have read the entire thing, and a few people have skimmed it. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! I'm so happy! That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! Perhaps, one day, far in the future, this will actually be a world record and random people will acutally voluntarily read this text every day. Or maybe not. The point is that it is nice to have readers. Or maybe it's not...I mean...won't the quality *snicker* of my work deteriorate if I am no longer writing for the target audience of me? If that happens, then no one will read this. And then I'll be writing for me again. And then the quality will rise. And then people will start reading. And then the quality will go down and the vicious spiral of good and bad will continue untill I either give up this text, or go crazy...er. In any case...I should probably find a topic. Yeah...a topic would be good. Or...I could just continue to write about finding a topic. Ooooo! I know a topic! Ice cream trucks! This has been bothering me for a while. You see...when it's hot, you want something cold to eat. Conviently, ice cream trucks come around during the hottest part of the year (it must be a conspiracy). As you may or may not know, small children swarm the ice cream trucks. The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry children...and adults. Of course, said adults would have to peel their butt-cheeks off the couch...but they'd have to do that for the delivary man anyway. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. We could all breath a sigh of relief as parents kept their children inside, away from the evil truck drivers and near the T.V. Gone would be the days when parents told children to play outside, it's a nice day. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. This, of course would expand the market for such products. This would lead to a better, more stable economy. Food industires would be buying cars, gas and music. Parents would increase the purchase of entertainment items. In return companies would make a profit, pay their workers better. The workers would then be able to afford more entertainment items and the upward spiral would continue, as opposed to the evil downward spiral of my writing. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemen...if you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. As long as you don't mind a few more couch potatoes. Gotta go...I think I hear a catchy jingle. I'm back...it's been awhile since I've written here. A lot has happened. Like my EVIL school computer deleting my updates page. But it's all good. Especially since I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. Okay. What I liked best was the philosophy on choices. (the mindless fight scenes were really cool, too). It's like this. In the beginning of the movie, Neo is having dreams about Trinity's death. Later, The Oracle tells him that he has already decided her fate. Towards the end of the movie, Neo chooses to tell Trinity to stay out of the Matrix, since he saw her die in it. She agrees, but only after seeing how important it is to him. After a horrific chain of events (is it coincidence, or fate) the people who will deactivate the secondary power source of the building Neo is infiltrating, die. So...the plan is going to fail. Unless someone does something, Neo, Morpheus and many others will die. Trinity, who is of course outside of the Matrix, knows this and chooses to enter the Matrix to save the day. The events of Neo's dream unfold. So...when the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. The moment Neo woke from dreams of Trinity's death, he made a choice. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. So he kept her out of the Matrix, and she saw the problem, and entered the Matrix to fix it. If she had been in the Matrix, she would have likely been with Morpheus, never would have known about the plan's failure, would therefore not have been in the situation that resulted in her death. And the plan would have failed and Neo might have died, along with a large portion of the city (the building was set to blow if there was any intruders) So...Neo's choice to attempt to save Trinity triggered the sequence of events that led to her death. As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. This choice is simply an extension of his original choice: he will save Trinity at all costs. Neo is told that he has two choices. He can save mankind, and doom Trinity. Or he can try to save Trinity and doom mankind. No guarantee that he'll succeed in saving Trinity. He goes for Trinity, makes it just in time to catch her body, and starts her heart back up. In return for not taking the easy route, he gains a power in the more or less real world. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. The movie ends with him in a coma. Now, you must realize that I have described only one aspect of this movie of all movies. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. I'm sorry that today's rant isn't random, insane or completely chaotic, but I must right my experience with The Matrix before I forget. I am so buying this movie when it comes out on DVD. I love it! You have to admit its sheer coolness. I mean, come on! It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. I better stop typing before I have a heart attack...just remember...The Matrix has you...I'm back. And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. You see...they feel that the only way to reward academic achievement...yada-yada-yada...is to force the smart kids to be ushers for Senior Honor Nite, and Graduation. Where is the logic in this? I for one, didn't know about such dire consequences for not deliberatly failing classes. It was bad enough that I was forced to "volunteer" my precious time (i could have worked on this site)...no...I was forced to wear formal attire. My school system is stuck in the past...and formal attire means...a dress...a white dress...(for those you who never bothered to find out...I am indeed female). So...for the first time in about 5 years...I wore a dress...and something that was complelty white. What cruel fate is this? To compound the EVIL situation...I was forced to wear feminine shoes. In other words...they hurt. And they pushed my toes together. Since I have a rather weird phobia of touching my own skin...this made my evening my own personall torture session. I think that such gender-specific torture should be deemed inhumane and abolished from our great society...of flaming chickens. Henceforth...Code: 666 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that under no circumstance will the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (guess who) be forced to wear anything other than a t-shirt and preferably black jeans. Should you violate this right, you will become destroyed or possibly dizzy. I'm leaving now...I have some destruction to do. i'm back. from graduation. we had to get there one hour and fifteen minutes early because there was traffic. After standing around a lot...the ceremony started. Lots of people spoke. by the time I had to do my part (tell people where to stand before getting their diploma) it was dark. there were bugs. they liked landing on me. then...i got to go stand while people said a lot of stuff. i couldn't hear it because someone had put the speakers facing the audience. we clapped. the whole time, even during the name-calling, seniors were playing with silly string and beachballs. afterwards...they turned off the lights. there were lots of fireworks. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. i called home, and waited another hour for my ride...traffic to the school was one way. i felt sorry for my dad. i am tired...but cannot go to sleep. i'll copy and paste this to my site. maybe the longest text ever. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. i cannot feel my feet. i hate dress shoes. I'm back. Today, I'm here to salute the Pointless Signs Of America! The PSOA have been whole-heartedly working for you, and what have you done for them? NOTHING! These so-called "pointless" signs are doing just what they were meant to do: entertain you! You cannot judge them simply because they have no apparant function. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. They could do anything they wanted to, if they just put their minds to it. If you judged everything by what it doesn't acomplish, then the entire world is populated by pointless beings. Noone can do everything, so how can you expect a SIGN, with the I.Q. of toilet paper, to do everything. You people sicken me. You expect far to much of the inanimate world. The inanimate world, on the otherhand, expects nothing of you. Which is exactly what it gets. If you expect nothing, and get nothing, you feel nothing. If you expect nothing and get something, you're happy. But, if you expect something and get something you feel nothing. And if you expect something and get nothing, you feel cheated. If you're following along, and not completly confused, you'll realize that it is better to be a pessimist than an optomist. Yep that's right. This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. This has been a weird day. You can thank my associate "Meg" she came up with the PSOA acronym. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta go...seeya later! I'm finnaly back! Today, I took a long look at this site, which is the acomplishment of almost a year of work. And I asked myself "How could I have better spent my time?" And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Here we go! Number One: I could have cured cancer. Not that I know anything about medicine...or cancer for that matter. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. Number Two: I could helped the earth to find eternal and lasting peace. Which would be boring. So I at least have an excuse for not doing that. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. Uh...don't think so...Number Four: I could have learned to drive. This would have resulted in the deaths of numerous pedistrians...and I would still probably be wondering around in search of a McDonalds. Number Five: I could have read more books, played more video games and watched more mindless television. Gee...I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Number Six: I could have implemented one of several plans for world domination. Or, as an alternative, I could have ruined several plans for world domination that other people made. Number Seven: I could drive people crazy. Wait...aren't I already doing that? Scratch number seven. And on to: Number Eight: I could have...uhhhh...ummmmm...actually thought up these things before hand. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? Number Ten: This is the list that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. One person, started typing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue typing it forever just because this is the list that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some person started typing it not...etc, etc. Okay...I admit it. I have officialy run out of ways I could have better spent my time. I don't think there actually are any. Except for maybe five and six. Now, those have possibilities. However, I am currently content to just sit here and type. For the benefit of you, the reader...who may or may not exist. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. I feel like I should be outraged about some topic or another. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. Perhaps a nice, soothing mistrust. Yeah. I can work with mistrust. I definitly mistrust lots of stuff. Like organ grinders, and the evil conspiracies. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. Now, some of you are probably thinking "Gee, Really?", or "Wow, I never knew that!" while others are thinking "Who's John F. Kennedy?" or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last two...especially about Kodak. Kodak, as you may know, is a film developing company. And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Either way, he got assasinated. And ever loony in America decided that it was a conspiracy. Some even go so far as to claim that Kodak "changed" the pictures of the assasination to make an assasination in the bushes become a tree's shadow. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I have to wonder...why would Kodak do such a thing. Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. Or perhaps not. Either way, Kodak is undeniably evil. How can any company that takes so many "wholesome" pictures not be? You can just bet that they look at every one that get's turned in to them, judging blackmail value, and whether or not you could get arrested. It's just sickening, you can't even take a simple photo nowadays. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. We can only hope that the digital camera manufacturers are kinder masters than the evil Kodak Lords. I better go...I think Kodak is tracing my site....I'm back now! And, once again, I have proof that someone actually took the time (two hours) to read this entire Longest Text Ever! It's amazing, it's incredible, it's unbelievable. But true. Even more incredible, this time it's someone I don't even know! Wooooooo! I feel inspired and happy and other really good emotions and stuff. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. It was inspired, in part, by my sheer and utter boredom. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. But, it ended up making more sense than I anticipated (scary thought, huh). Oh, well...I tired of nostalgia. Back to the present. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. I don't think I have any conspiracy theories...except pop-ups/pop-unders. Have you ever had the evil pop-up that says that if you click here, it'll get rid off all the annoying pop-ups? Isn't that sort of ironic? Could the pop-up blocker people have chosen a better means to advertise their product? It's like grand-theft auto 3's talk show, you know, the one where there are Citizens Raging Against Phones? Or CRAP, for short. And the lady representing them, calls the radio station...on a phone. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. Pop-Up ad's help you get rid of pop-up ads? Insane, chaotic...hmmmmm...I wonder who thought of it? Was it on purpose, or was it just some mistake? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. Or maybe I'll go make a frozen pizza. Yeah. That sounds good, too. Since I'm not particualarly inspired at the moment, I should leave and let you gather what is left of your sanity. I just can't seem to stop, though. Okay...I can do it. I'm leaving. I'm back...and it's several hours later. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. She is a heavy-set Yorkshire Terrior (12 lbs.) In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. Today, I met her arch-enemy. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. An enemy so hideous that Moose must destroy it at all costs. An enemy so dangerous that Moose fears it above all others. Now you may be wondering what horrible beast is Moose's arch-enemy. And you probably suspect that it is something pathetic. You would be correct in your suspiciousness...for Mooses arch-enemy is...*dramatic drumroll*...a small, white, feather. Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. So...naturally I put her arch-enemy in my pocket and brought it home with me. This action has made her very suspicious of where my loyalties lie. She tracks the feather smell all over the house, and goes crazy whenever I take it out of my pocket. She even got her sister and mother in the spirt of things. Now her sister sounds an alarm whenever she sees the evil feather. Now, you may be wondering what is so terrifying about a small, white, feather. So am I. It doesn't smell funny, (I asked my brother, since I don't have a sense of smell), it seems perfectly ordinary. So, I've decided that Moose works for some secret government organization, and that the feather is the key to the destruction of the world, and I am just blithely letting it enter our home, so that it may furthur its evil plans to destroy the universe. That is the only possible explanation as to why it upsets her so much. Or...maybe it's the feather off of the cartoon owl from the tootsie-roll pop comercials (one...two...three..*crunch*). Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Now I'd better go and torture my Moose with it...:) I am officially back. And you, the potentially non-existant reader gets a once in a lifetime chance to hear me rant and rave about my Horrible, Horrible Family Vacation. I know. You feel very, very honored. It's like this. My mother is a control freak, and she decided on the spur of the moment that we were going north to visit relatives. Later that day, she decided we were NOT going north, we were going south to a beach resort. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. So, we packed everthing up. Before we knew it, we were on the road. The first part of the trip was fairly easy. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. That meant that my mother would be in the back, with me and my younger, eviler sister. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. That meant only one corse of action for them. They started shaking and barked their little heads off. This annoyed my mother further, untill she asked, no, demanded that my father turn the car around so that we could go home. Unfortuantly, we had already driven 337 miles toward our destination. After much argument, my father was going to turn around, untill he realized that my mother was going to drop the dogs and me off, and then turn around and continue north. This seemed slightly unpracticle, so we ended up not taking that 337 mile detour. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. We got there, we ate. We slept. My mother visited relatives. And so the week went by. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That was the high point of the entire trip. The last day, we were deciding where to eat. My mom said that she didn't care. So my dad picked a steak place. My mother tried to order a mushroom-swiss burger...only to discover that the place had no swiss-cheese. So she decided on a salad, only to discover that they didn't have her favorite salad dressing. After much deliberation, she decided that she wouldn't eat. After complaining how hungry she was, and about the poor quality of the resteraunt, she walked out of the resteraunt, instructing the rest of us to "enjoy our meals". And I wonder where my little sister gets her annoyingness. Not that my mother is annoying...just set in her ways. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. On the way home, we had gotten approximatly 4 hours into the trip when my mother predicatably decided that we had to go back and eat at the 50th aniversary of her favorite ice cream place. Needless to say, we ignored her. Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. Between her bickering with my sister, and obsessivly playing neopets games, I don't know what to do with her. Anyway...that was my family vacation rant. It sucked. No suprise. At least it's over. Sorry if I complained a lot. If you don't like it, start your own longest text ever. Anyway, I promise to go back to my usual routine the next time I rant here. I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. Seeya. I'm back! I know, I took you completly by suprise. You thought you'd gotten rid of me. *cheesy super-hero voice* Well, fear not, random citizen, for I, PSOPC am here! *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Yes, that's right. It's time to warn you, the viewer...er...reader...about the evils of various stuff. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . That's right, folks, mass hypnosis via commercials. Now, I'm sure you've at least heard of subliminal messages , right? No? Well...prepare to be enlightened. Subliminal messages are an advertising technique that puts hidden pictures and words into a main image. You don't see them, but your subconsious (dreaming) mind does. Your subconsious mind acts on whatever it is told. What does this mean to you? It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Because they put subliminal messages in them, of course! Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! Okay. That had nothing to do whatsoever with subliminal messages...it's just cool to say. Anyway, only watch wal-mart if you WANT to be subliminaly entertained into purchasing a new set of TUPERWARE, even though your old set is PERFECTLY fine. This has been a public service announcment. Pretty cool, huh? Uh...you don't have to take the subliminal stuff seriously. It's true, and all, but I have no proof about wal-mart, or certain fast food resteraunts. It makes sense, though. Wal-mart TV is evil. You cannot deny it. Seeya...hmmm..I wonder if there's subliminal stuff in my computer...I'm back. And I feel that it's time for a FAKE commercial break, for the highly informed, obviously brain-dead consumer. And now, a word from our non-existant sponsor. Ketchup: The only food that you'll want to eat after traveling to the 5th Dimension. It's been practically proven that Ketchup transforms into a highly intoxicating (non-addictive) delicious substance upon returning from the 5th Dimension. Stock up now with our Valu-Pak to recieve 3-metric tons of Ketchup, all for the low, low price of your brain, since you're obviously not using it anyway. Then, just wait for technology to "catch-up" (get it, catch-up, Ketchup?)so you can travel to the 5th Dimension like our scientists almost did. (Next Commercial) Get ready fo: Faux's new "reality" TV show, "How Low Can We Go?" It's about six contestants who compete to create the worst, least likely "reality" TV show. The winner not only gets the million-dollar prize, they get the chance to produce the show they created. Remember: if the show sucks, it's their fault, not ours!(Next exciting commercial!)And for all the idiots out there: Try new and improved Dum-B-Gon! Dum-B-Gon stimulates brain activity, making you up to 10 times smarter! Not only that, Dum-B-Gon: stimulates weight loss, cures "any" illness, does simple houshold chores, never leaves the toilet seat up and is the perfect gentle companion for your kids. How can you pass up this revolutionary new product? It's yours for only 3 bi-monthly payments of $3.95 ($3,95,000 on days ending in "y")Don't forget, Dum-B-Gon is practically guaranteed!* (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? It's because of the "evil little faeries with sharp little teeth." These "faeries" sprinkle your food with highly toxic "age dust" and ruin a perfectly good four-year-old meatloaf. How do you stop them? With our patented "spray". Our "spray" kills over 99.9% of "faeries" (which are much to small to see) Our "spray" also kills most disease causing agents, like rats, or pigeons. WARNING: Leave food sit in an open, well-venilated spot for a week before eating. And now, back to our featured presentation. Wasn't that semi-entertaining? I bet you wanna go eat some Ketchup covered Dum-B Gon right now, while watching "reality" TV. Just make sure you "spray" your food first. Pathetic, wasn't it? Oh, well. I was bored, and a dilligent reader suggested I make fake commercials, so...therer they are. Happy? Good. I'm leavin', for now. I'm back. And I'm willing to enlighten you, the potentially you-know-what reader. Today, I was checking out some weird news. At one point, I read an article that stated that it had been proven, conclusivly, that Kansas was flatter than the standard pancake. The researches even used highly advanced technololgy to map the surface of a pancake and compare it to documented geology of Kansas. Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. It's a cheap shot." So...doesn't that make you want to take Kansas' side (I sincerly appologize if you are from Kansas). It just seems extremly weird (and worthy of mentioning) that this semi-important guy from Kansas believes in a "vast breakfast food conspiracy". Makes you think that the long held belief that Kodak conspired with the JFK assasin(s) is normal. Another article claims that an anitseptic turned a polar bear purple, drawing large crowds of people. I sure hope other zoos won't copy them. Before you know it, we'll have orange alligators, pink tigers and blue lions. School children won't be able to correctly identify the color of a zebra. Random people will think they've gone crazy, after a seemingly innocent visit to the zoo. It's wrong, I tell you. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. What values, you say? The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. Unless we spray-painted the snow purple, too. Then it would be okay. As long as the bear blends in, you know? Speaking of animals, there's a cat in California who is a kleptomaniac (likes to steal stuff). He sneaks into neighboring homes, and takes clothing, wrapped christmas presents, and anything he can find. He then leaves them under his owners car. Okay, better leave. I'm back. And I don't really have a topic today. I'm just bored. Sometimes I just do this, you know? Start typing without any idea about what it is I intend to say. Maybe I subconsiously DO know what I'm doing here, but refuse to admit it to myself. Or maybe I am monumentally bored and don't have anything else to do at the moment. Either way, I'm here. You must be pretty bored, too. Otherwise, why on earth (beta, krpto, zkdjf, Planet X, whatever) would you be here? It would make no sense. If you have something better to do, why wouldn't you be doing it right now? I would be. But, maybe that's just the difference between you and me. Yeah. That must be it. Unless you're bored. Then I completly understand. I need to find a topic. Here, topic, topic, topic! Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! *hides large ax behind back* Come here, topic! Why are you afraid of little ol' me? *sigh* There are no topics anywhere near me. Kinda like me and "Meg" webcomic we are trying to do. It's called Hit-Or-Miss, any topics, plot, etc. are completly accidental and are not the fault/responsibility of the creators. That was sort of a topic, even though it was sort of random. Which is what I do best. Okay, I'm done with that litte commercial. What now...hmmmmm...should I share with you more of my paranoid/delusional conspiracy theories? Or have I been doing that too much lately? Oooooo! I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! #1You can say or do anything and normal people will agree with you in the hopes that you'll be satisfied, shut up, and go away. Far away. I will show you an example with this completly true stuff that I experienced several years ago. ME: My vicious, psychotic, flesh-eating bunny-rabbit wants to rule the world. RANDOM PERSON: Uh-huh, that's nice. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. I mean, she traded Asia for a carrot! And she doesn't even LIKE carrots! RANDOM PERSON: You don't say? ME: Yep. She also is the goddess of red jello. RANDOM PERSON: *head explouding from sheer insanity* As you can see, I was a very weird child (this happened in elementary school...uh...except for that head-explouding part). Okay...on to: #2 You can get out of practically anything by saying: a)It's against my religion b)I'm allergic to that. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. d)I already did that in a past life and it sucked. e)My psychotic bunny predicted I'd die doing it. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religion...along with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. I'll add that to the FLAMING CHICKENS HANDBOOK. Thou shalt not eat spuds. Hmmmm...time for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. I, personally, am obsessed with, kitties, bunnies, bats, this website, drawing, making intriate little patterns with strings, doing mildly repetitive activities, being weird, apparantly making lists and cheese...and chickens...and flame. Fire is good. Fire is free. Fire is my friend...until it burns me. Then it must die...painfully. And on to:#4You make your friends look normal in comparison. And #5: You can give each of your pets several weird names such as: Ringling-Raison-Bailey-Suzana-Midnight-Schultz, Squirell, Moose, Moose-Moose, Moosey-Moose, Linzey-Moose, Muffin, Squirell-Muffin, Yabby-Doodle, Abby Normal, Wiggle-Baby, Wiggle-Muffin, Witle-Baby, Cheese-Monkey, Muffin-With-Squirell-Juice, Squirell-With-Muffin Juice, Moosey-Juice, Squirell-Monkey, etc. Now, wasn't that a fun list!? Doesn't that just make you proud to be weird? I should make bumber stickers saying that. Proud to be weird. It'd be cool. Anyway, gotta go! *yawn* I'm back. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. The following is everything I wrote during that sugar-coated time period. Some are answers to e-mails, the rest are just stuff I wrote.

Definitly. THen we go to library. Guess what? Me and Josh ate lots and lots of sugar, and it's late at nite and everything is funny but we can't laugh 'cause everybody is sleepin' so it's even funnier but ever since we drank the water we sobered up even though we weren't drunk but we ate sugar...lots and lots of sugar. MOstly donut cake. Okay. JOsh says it was only one piece of cake. WE got it at Wal-mart. Or his mom did. OR something. Goodbye..

#long post

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

Text

Échappé / Chapter 4 (Branjie) - DenDenMonMon

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love and support you have been giving to this story. I don’t wanna say anything else in fear of spoiling the chapter. This is one of svpermodel’s favorite chapters so that should say something xP since she’s the one that asked me to write the story lol Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

- Monkey.

AO3 Link

Chapter 4

We need to talk about this.

Vanessa read the message on her lockscreen and rolled her eyes. It was no different from the ever flowing string of texts sitting unread on her phone. She pressed the side button to turn the screen black, and put the device face down on the table.

She looked at herself in the mirror, half way through her makeup process, and sighed heavily.

Life had never been easy for her, and she had a special talent to make everything a lot more complicated than it should be. She wished to blame it all on destiny, or fate, or whoever was above that liked to mess with her. She couldn’t. She knew that la virgencita had a lot more issues to worry about than a Puertorican stripper trying to make a life for herself in Los Angeles.

It wasn’t that bad, really. She liked her friends, she liked her job, and she liked her tiny apartment. She liked her life. She knew she wasn’t dumb, but she kept making stupid decisions. That was on her.

The phone vibrated again. The sudden flash made her close her eyes, the black pencil left a trail of eyeliner on her temple to the movement.

Shit.

She looked around but couldn’t find her makeup wipes. Everything looked messy, everything was messy. The table in front of her was as cluttered as her own head. It felt like a never ending jungle of ideas up in there, tangled together and clouding any rational thinking. If her thought process had ever been rational, that was. Sure, her mind usually ran fast, leaving her a very small chance to catch up. She was aware of that. Her mouth was even faster, not waiting for her brain to approve the thought before it was already being pronounced. It got her into trouble constantly, but she liked it like that. It was fun, it was entertaining.

If she had to choose, she would pick her chaotic life a million times over a boring one. That didn’t mean that she didn’t need a break from time to time. She could use one right that instant.

A Kleenex, being waved in front of her face, landed her back into reality.

With her eyes, she followed the arm holding the tissue to find Yvie smiling nervously at her.

She twisted her lips, her own smile even less convincing than her friend’s. “Thanks.”

Yvie’s eyes rolled in annoyance.

Vanessa managed to catch it, that was enough to make her snap. “What you rolling your eyes for?”

Her voice was harsh, she could hear it herself, but there was no stopping now. She had all this frustration inside of her, and there was no available outlet. Better yet, she didn’t have the guts to go and tell how she felt to the right person. If she wanted to pick up a fight, just for the sake of getting the anger out, she knew exactly whose buttons to push.

“You can’t stay mad at me forever,” Yvie retorted.

“Just watch me, bitch.”

“Seriously?” Yvie spoke to her through the mirror. “You are still gonna be pressed about this shit? I already apologized, told you how things happened, and you said you forgave me. What’s all this attitude for?”

Vanessa’s hand went up in the air, waving away Yvie’s comment. “I ain’t giving you no attitude, so don’t get me started on that.”

The huff that left Yvie’s nose was filled with frustration. “I’m gonna be forward about how I feel, because you know that’s the only way I know how to go about things.”

“Fierce. Work,” Vanessa let out sarcastically, her eyes on the vanity in front of her, looking for something, she had already forgotten what it was.

“I’m not gonna come here with excuses. We screwed up, but it wasn’t intentional. We didn’t know. I’m gonna be real with you: not knowing the rules doesn’t condone us breaking them, but you are being too hard on us.”

For a moment, they almost forgot there was someone else in the room, until Trixie spoke. “Okay, so my dance knowledge may extend to, like, Dance Moms and a bunch of Abby Lee memes but, what exactly happened?” She walked to stand between them, makeup brush in hand, successfully creating a physical barrier in the battlefield that had been preparing. “Isn’t there like an age restriction for these things? Why were you able to dance but not them?”

Both Vanessa and Yvie looked at each other, silently pondering who should give the explanation, even when Trixie pronounced the question directly to Vanessa.

With a sigh, Vanessa turned around on her seat, facing them for the first time. “Okay, so like, yeah. Not the group challenges. There was no age limita… limi-lim… there was no age limit, okay?” She hated when that happened, when being bilingual became zerolingual and she was unable to speak either language properly. She continued either way, like she always did. “We just had to turn in a list of all the dancers’ names for the Dance Off, so they knew, you know, who was participating and shit. We could only bring those five, and there was no changing them. Any last minute change had to be approved by the judges.”

Trixie nodded her head, finally understanding the disqualification.

Yvie looked at the ground for a minute, before complementing the clarification. “We didn’t know, or I didn’t, I don’t know about Brooke. If she did, I think she was too into the moment to remember.”

“Don’t worry,” Trixie said, her voice softer than usual. “We will get the money somehow. I mean, if this was Brooke’s fault maybe she can put in the money we lost because of her.” She laughed at her own words, oblivious to the fact that Brooke had already offered, many, many times.

Vanessa sat back down, planning to return her attention to the task at hand. “Whatever. I’m not talking to that hoe no more.”

The seat next to her was occupied by Yvie, her long fingers started applying foundation directly from the container. “I know Brooke has been texting you,” she spoke carefully. “You haven’t replied or taken any of her calls. What’s the deal with that?”

“It don’t fucking matter now,” Vanessa tried to close the subject.

Of course, Yvie wouldn’t be her true self if she didn’t push the subject, any subject. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it does. She’s been miserable this whole week and you won’t even give her the chance to apologize. You just keep pushing her away.”

Vanessa whipped her head to look at her, her hair flying to rest on her opposite shoulder. “What good is it to ya, bitch?” She was raising her voice again, but Yvie had taunted her. “What do you care so much about this whole mess? This ain’t your motherfucking business, so don’t act like you know what you are talking about.”

“I say the truth.” Yvie matched her tone of voice. “I call bitches out, you know that. So don’t come for me as if this is some new shit. You are always pushing people away. Here you have an amazing person, willing to help you, willing to help the cause, but you have your head way up your ass and can’t see it. It’s fucking selfish.”

“Oh, is that how you really feel? I’m selfish now, okay. What happened to all the wooty-wooty-woot you was crying to me about the other night? About you being my sis and us kicking it and shit?”

She wasn’t going to start a fight again, Yvie took a deep breath and calmed herself down. “That was real, girl. I’m saying you are selfish with yourself. Give yourself a chance to open up. Nobody achieves anything alone, we all need help from time to time, and it’s okay to accept it.”

The room fell quiet, because Yvie was right. Trixie knew it, even Vanessa knew it herself. There was no way she would give her the satisfaction to know that, though. She was ready to fight back, her feisty side was coming up with a million and one responses to her friend’s allegations. Maybe it was anger, maybe it was some actual self restriction, but words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. Her mind was yelling at her, telling her to attack, to go for the jugular, to defend herself, but nothing came out. She simply sat there, eyeshadow pallet up in the air, lips mutely parted in shock.

“Are you ready for a show?”

The sultry voice called everybody’s attention away from the uncomfortable stare battle. They turned around just to see Katya dramatically pressing herself against the doorframe.

The first one to react was Trixie, who screamed in delight and motioned her to come in. Katya did as she was told, moving around as if she had known that dressing room her entire life. She found her rightful place on Trixie’s lap, her legs swinging in between Trixie’s opened ones.

“Ew.” She shuddered dramatically. “What is all this tension? Jesus.” Her hands swatted the air, as if she were trying to keep flies away from her face.

Trixie hid her face in Katya’s neck before pointed at the pair. “They are fighting over Brooke.”

“Brooke?” Katya asked surprised. “Did you finally talk to her?”

“No!” Yvie answered for Vanessa. “That’s what has her so upset, because she’s too stubborn to listen and try to fix things.”

A small fuck you sounded under her breath, but Vanessa didn’t say anything to deny the statement. It wasn’t that she didn’t have much to say. Nobody really knew what had indeed happened, nobody understood her relationship with Brooke. Hell, even she was unsure if there even was one. Brooke was always so poised and distant. She acted so professional that it was hard to understand if she really cared or if the whole situation had been a business venture for her.

It was while trying to unravel that mystery that something Katya said called her attention. “You know, I was probably her first charity case, a long-long time ago.”

Vanessa spun around to see Katya. “What you talking about?”

Katya twisted in Trixie’s lap, unable to separate from her for one second, and faced Vanessa. “Oh, Momma, I was a mess. I had these massive episodes of anxiety. They kept me from… doing anything, really. I couldn’t keep a job, almost dropped out of school. The whole shit show.” There was a nervous smile playing on her lips. “I was really good at hiding how horrible things were, like, mad good. Brooke noticed I was acting differently when she came home during a tour break. She helped me through community college, and gave me a job as soon as I was out. Haven’t left each other’s side since then.”

“You’ve known each other for a long time, then?” Yvie asked, curiosity lacing her voice.

“Oh, we go way back. I hated Canada when my dad was first transferred. Hated it! Brooke lived next door to us in this Godforsaken neighborhood. Brooke told me about this gymnastics class they had at the same community center where she took ballet. We–”

“Community center?” Vanessa interrupted her.

“Yes, bitch!” Katya replied, exasperated. “Why do you think her bony ass is set to save yours? She knows how important they are for the kids. It reminds her of where we grew up. That’s when her dancing career started. It’s a really big deal for her.”

It felt like a bucket of cold water had fallen on top of Vanessa. She had no idea Brooke had gone through any of that.

“Of course you didn’t.” It looked like she said those words out loud, because Katya was responding to her very thoughts. “She doesn’t like to talk about that, about how stinking poor we were. We made it out, that’s all that matters, I guess,” she said with the shrug of one shoulder. “She worked so hard and became this amazing woman who gives back as much as she can. I’m so proud of her.”

The words resounded in Vanessa’s ears. This was a whole new side of Brooke that she didn’t even know existed. It was unimaginable that the picture perfect Brooke she knew had, at some point of her life, had literally nothing. Of course it wasn’t a nice feeling to learn about another person’s pain and suffering, but a new level of humanity had been revealed and Vanessa was struggling to comprehend what it meant.

Thoughts of a young Brooke, having the mere minimum to survive, ran across her head as she finished her makeup. She didn’t know shit about Canada, but she knew hardship, and she knew it well. Vanessa pictured Brooke going to bed without dinner, curling up in a ball, and begging sleep to distract her from the hunger. Because that was what Vanessa had done. The same scene she remembered from her own childhood played in her head, but in Brooke’s there was snow. She did know Canada had snow.

Mental images took her away from the conversation around her, until she was done getting ready. A few minutes before their show started, Silky walked into the room, which forced Katya to say her goodbyes.

“So, will I see you guys at the gala tomorrow?” She asked, swinging in Trixie’s arms, who held her from behind.

The girls agreed in unison, but Vanessa had no idea what they were talking about.

“Wha-what gala?”

“This is our last week here, we always have a big charity event before the closing night,” Katya explained. “I gave Trixie the tickets. You should all come. It’s super fun. There are auctions that go insane. Rich people get so competitive and bid on, like, eccentric trips to Europe and stuff, and all goes to charity. I’m offering a private gymnastic class.”

“I signed up for a night out and dance,” Trixie intervened.

“Yeah, and I’m emptying my savings account ‘cause you ain’t dancing for anybody else, Barbara.” Katya spun in Trixie’s arms and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“Ew! Go away. You are leaving red lipstick on my face!”

Katya lifted an eyebrow but did nothing to move. “I don’t remember you complaining about my lipstick last night.” The tone of her voice left nothing to imagination.

Trixie screamed in surprise. “I don’t remember your lips being on my face, though.”

That was all Silky could take. “Alright, girl, you need to take your nasty ass out of here, right now!”

Between laughs and giggles was that Katya stepped out of the room. Her words still going round and round in Vanessa’s head. All the information she had just acquired made it hard to concentrate. Her set was more or less okay, even if it wasn’t up to her own standards. She did make some money that night, but it wasn’t much.

There was no way she was going to be able to save the center, not in the two weeks they had left before the demolition. As much money as she could put in from her tips, there was simply not enough to spare. So, as she was counting dollar bills in the dressing room, like she did after every show, an idea hit her.

She found Trixie and explained she wanted to sign up for the charity event as well. She could do the dinner and dance thing, just like her.

A quick phone call to Katya arranged everything and they were given all the necessary information.

Vanessa learned that she needed to wear a gown, it was a gala after all. Her picture was going to be taken upon arrival. That picture with her name, along with the cause she was supporting, were going to be displayed during the cocktail hour. Once the auction started, she was going to be pulled up to the front. By then, a list of what the night out would entail should have already been given to her. The bidding would be live, and the highest offer would win.

Katya promised no funny business should be involved, unless both parties agreed to it. But Vanessa was sure that was more of a reminder for Trixie than her.

It sounded simple, really. Yet, when they arrived at the event, Vanessa couldn’t help but feel anxious.

She had heard about the Beverly Hilton before. She had known of fancy events taking place there. She never, not in a million years, imagined she was going to be an actual guest at that venue. There were people tending to her every need, helping her down from the car, taking her coat, walking her inside, and showing her to her table.

For what it was worth, she liked to think that she was a really good actress. She thanked people as if she were used to that type of treatment, and moved around the place with a confidence she didn’t have. She could only hope her acting was believable enough to make her look like she belonged, or at least to make her look less stupid than her friends.

Trixie, Yvie and Silky walked behind her, excitingly whispering and pointing at every single thing that called their attention.

When they reached their table, another wave of insecurity washed over Vanessa. They had been told how to dress, but their most elegant gowns were nothing in comparison to the ladies around them. Vanessa’s group clearly stood out from the crowd of fancy dark-colored dresses, with sparkling embellishments that clearly weren’t rhinestones.

She wore a short red dress that fell over one shoulder, every inch of exposed skin had been covered with glitter. She needed to look expensive, so shining like gold had sounded like a good idea. Yvie wore a green gown, it seemed pretty normal if nobody looked at the train, where a small Hot Wheels car had been attached to it. Trixie was living her Barbie Doll fantasy in a puffy pink dress and a bow that was probably as big as her head. The cherry on top was Silky, who wasn’t really that far off from the dress code, but had her fake church lady voice on as she talked to the other guests.

It became too much. Vanessa excused herself and made her way to the bathroom. Even that space was fancy as shit. At the entrance, there was a small corridor with mirrors all around her. Vanessa analyzed herself from every possible angle before stepping inside the restroom. There were two paths after the second door, one led to a room with at least five vanity desks. Each space had a mirror with big fat light bulbs around it. There was a stack of towels on one side of the table, and a blowdryer and a flat iron rested on the other end.

The other hallway led to the stalls, and that was where Vanessa walked to. She opened the water tap, just to give herself something to do. She read the labels on the many bottles in front of her as she wetted her hands. The cold water worked to calm her nerves down. She didn’t know what she was doing there. Whoever thought it was a good idea to show up at that place, with it’s fancy people, overly nice waiters, and expensive towels, had been crazy. Shaking her head she reminded herself the true reason why she was there. She needed the money.

A door behind her opened. That was when she saw her. Brooke walked out of the stall. She had her blonde hair pulled back as always, as the ballerina that she was. A blue velvet dress hugged every single curve of one side of her body, while the other half gave a nude illusion, an intricate flower design covered her most intimate areas. She looked good. Really good.

“Hi,” she spoke to Vanessa through the mirror. “Katya told me you were coming.”

It took a moment for Vanessa to reply, her eyes lingering in the placement of certain petals. “Yeah, well, she told us some big pockets were gonna be around. We had to try our luck, you know?”

Brooke smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Hey, umm, I’m sorry. I…” she trailed off, her voice getting caught in her throat.

Before she could say anything, Vanessa shook her hand in the air. “No. Don’t worry about it. I get it. I’m the one that’s sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” she insisted.

Vanessa chuckled. “Is this gonna be one of those ‘no, you hang up’ kinda bullshit?”

This time the smile lit up Brooke’s face completely. “Not necessarily, but I do need you to know that I can’t apologize enough. I called everyone I knew. I tried to fix this. I tried, Vanessa, I really did.”

Her voice told her that she was being honest. Vanessa believed her. She was just about to tell her that when Trixie came running through the maze of hallways.

“There you are, bitch! C’mon. Katya needs us.”

She looked at Brooke for a moment, not really knowing what to say but not wanting the conversation to end like that. “Listen, I…”

“You have to go,” Brooke finished for her. “It’s fine. We can talk later.”

By the time she was done pronouncing the sentence, Trixie was already dragging Vanessa by the wrist.

They reached the main stage just in time to see how a ceramic plate was sold for eight thousand dollars.

“Now for the next item, we have a pleasant night out, including dinner and dancing with Miss Vanessa Mateo.” She stepped into the center of the stage as the auctioneer read her qualities as if she were a car on sale. “Originally from Puerto Rico, Miss Mateo is a twenty-four year old dance teacher, who’s donation will go to…”

Vanessa tuned out after that. She played the part, smiling, walking around, and fluttering her eyelashes like it was her trademark move. But she had never in her life felt more exposed; and she danced naked around a pole for a living. It made her feel cheap but, when she saw the first paddle being lifted, she realized there was nothing cheap about the situation.

“A thousand,” yelled a man on the front table.

Another paddle was lifted. “Two thousand.”

“I have three thousand on the phone,” said an operator to their side.

Vanessa stood still as the bids went up one thousand at the time. She could only see numbers on white pieces of cardboard as a man offered more than the previous one. The auctioneer spoke fast, and the paddles move faster. Before she knew it, someone was offering ten thousand dollars to take her out for dinner.

Then a voice came from the far end of the room. “Twenty thousand dollars,” the woman said, her tone firm and inflexible.

“Twenty thousand going once, going twice…” There was an unnecessary pause, nobody was going to top that bidding. “Sold to buyer number five.”

Vanessa looked around, spotting the number on the paddle first, and Brooke’s smile second.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #yvie oddly #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #silky nutmeg ganache #dance au #lesbian au #echappe #dendenmonmon #submission

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