#but like also I've been in real work situations where you don't tell your coworkers or boss anything personal about yourself

[vibinwiththefrogs]

I feel strangely left out and jaded amongst my peers this semester, especially at work. I keep getting agitated and getting after people because in certain ways it's becoming a toxic environment, and being 25 with real world work experience amongst 18-20 year olds I keep seeing very poor leadership that leads to conflict. And I called out some of it not too long ago but... I get this vibe like it's not that deep and no one really cares that much and now I feel like I'm taking things entirely too seriously, and I feel like I'm getting a social cold shoulder a bit.

[predestinatos]

you mean everything - MV1 ೀ⋆｡🌷

summary: max needed a wedding date and you were used to being his fake partner.

tags: max verstappen x fem!reader, fake dating, friends to lovers, max is so whipped, fluff, a bit angsty maybe?, mentions of alcohol

word count: 2k

notes: i've been writing (and thinking) so much about max... my period is coming please give me a break i'm sensitive. also would love to get some feedback if possible so i know if it's worth making a series out of this!!!!

"If you want to make it believable at least hold my hand" you half-whispered to Max, who was buttoning his blazer while getting out of the car, you behind him.

"Sorry, I'm not used to this with you" he said chuckling. His sweaty palm held yours tightly, and the feeling of it was odd. Knowing Max for so long meant that these romantic gestures felt almost cringeworthy to you both, and you both had to put up award winning performances every time you played this game.

The game in question being fake-dating. It started as a funny joke where you both thought it would be great to test out the Get A Champagne Bottle For Free At This Restaurant If You Propose theory (which worked, by the way). From then onwards, you used each other as dates whenever asked by annoying family members, creepy coworkers, or just because you felt like lying.

The talking wasn't hard - you both felt comfortable in that part, lying with words coming off almost dangerously natural - but when it came to acting the part, both of you felt awkward, like kids who found relationships absolutely repulsive.

This time, though, the performance would last longer than usual: it was a wedding. Max's friend's wedding. Max could've just gone along, or bring a friend (even you as a friend). Yet he had told his friend, after one too many shots on his Bachelor's Party, and after being chosen as The Guy Who'll Take the Longest to Settle, that he had, in fact, a girlfriend. His friends didn't believe him, so he showed a picture of you two together - a selfie really, nothing much. And they still said they didn't believe it. So here you are.

You couldn't blame him, even if you wanted to. You agreed to use each other as a fake partner for as long as you could in as many situations as required, although when it all started none of you ever thought it would lead to wedding attendances.

So now there you were, Max's hand on yours, entering the small church. His eyes locked with the groom, who waved and called for you to sit near the altar.

"So you ARE real" he said, nervousness laced in his voice even as he tried to lighten the mood himself. You giggled at the irony of it, nodding as you said your congratulations.

"Just wait until the guys see this" he continued gesturing towards the bench where 3 other men around his age sat. Men you had seen before in some Instagram pictures, men you spent the previous night trying to memorize basic information about so you didn't sound suspicious.

Max's hand now fell on your waist almost instinctively - it wasn't instinctively, he told himself once he noticed its positioning. And if it was, it was only because he took this so seriously, almost as a sort of method acting. Sitting down next to his friends, he noticed how all of them seemed surprised at your presence, and something like pride filled his chest. He loved winning, loved being right even if he was lying; but most especially, he loved how jealous other men seemed to be over the fact that he was (at least in their minds) dating you.

He couldn't deny - though he tried, really - that you two looked good together. His rougher features mixed with your softer ones gave you both an aura of near unreachability, which yes, was pretentious of him to think but he thought nevertheless.

The ceremony was quick and endearing, a smile spread across everyone's faces at the shared loved between the bride and the groom. As the crowd clapped, Max leaned into you, "don't tell me you're crying". "I am, just to think that I'll have to keep pretending to date YOU for the next 10 hours" you replied, his mocking smile recognizing the joke.

The reception hall was beautifully decorated with shades of soft green and violet orchids. Max tried not to think about how much it matched the shade of your dress, how you looked like you had come to life from a classical novel. He tried to feel like anyone but Mr. Darcy as you felt so much like Elisabeth Bennett to him.

Sitting down next to him, you found this part easier - mingling and socializing was something you enjoyed more than he did - especially with alcohol in the mix. It's a wedding, you thought; this is what weddings are for.

So you drank the wine with the main course and sipper champagne to celebrate and ordered a few cocktails when it was time to dance and talk - and you felt it on your body almost as much as you felt Max's hand occasionally sitting on your thigh, but not even close to how strongly you felt his thumb caress your skin as he did so. Truth was, he too was drunk; his eyes looked smaller and his cheeks were flushed, and the amount of times he ran a hair through his dirty blonde hair had caused it to look messier. As you looked at him, you felt he never looks as attractive as when he is like this - loose and carefree, his shirt sleeves rolled up and a smile on his face when he notices people laugh at his joke.

"I have to admit I didn't think it was true" his friend said when Max left to go to the bathroom. He looked drunker than the two of you combined, his words hard to decypher, like a riddle. "He's been talking about you for months now and we never saw you for real so we thought you didn't exist" he laughed, and you laughed back before it registered.

"Months?" you asked him, eyebrows furrowed yet attempting to remain composed. You shouldn't have asked it - a supposedly month old girlfriend wouldn't be surprised but you were his fake month old girlfriend and you weren't understanding it anymore.

"Yeah. He talks about you so much all the time I think even we started to date you" he laughed again, yet this time you didn't find the joke so funny. You were frozen in your seat, merely blinking as if trying to put the confusing puzzle together, the pieces not quite fitting the way you thought they would.

A touch on your shoulder unfroze you, almost like magic, like a disney film come to life. You turned around to find the groom, somewhat sober, smiling at you while also looking somewhat concerned. "He's calling for you... And he's also absolutely wasted" he said, pointing to the door of the hall.

"Shit" you cursed, getting up from your seat at a speed you couldn't believe, worry filling your heart, making you forget the conversation you were just having.

Opening the door to the garden outside, you found Max sitting down against the wall, shirt partly unbuttoned and disheveled hair. When he saw you, he grinned, such genuine happiness laced with tipsiness.

"Lightweight" you mocked as you crouched in front of him, trying to balance yourself on your heels, somehow managing it despite your own drunkness.

"You're laughing at my mis- Shit- my misery" his throat bobbed up and down, exaggerating his own agony with a hand on his chest and another on his forehead like a Shakespeare character.

"I have to admit it's quite fun sometimes" you bit your lip as you fixed his hair as best as you could, hands brushing through its soft, blonde mess.

"You're so– you're so sweet" he said, his words dragged and messy. He brought a beer bottle to his lips but you stopped him before any liquid touched them.

"I think that's enough of that for tonight" you grabbed it and placed it behind you, sitting in front of him.

"See now... Now you're being mean" his hand grabbed a strand of your hair and played with it softly as he pouted.

"Okay big boy I'm gonna get you some water" you say, getting up once again, yet his hand stops you, grabbing your wrist tightly.

You looked at him, startled. His drunken state is visible, and it felt frustrating that you had to be the one sobering up for him. The music vibrated through the wall he leaned against, somehow tickling him, making him giggle.

"Stay," he managed to say, eyes half closed, "I'm so glad we're- Fuck things are spinning so much" his hands rushed to his eyes and his head hung low, "Ah fuck. I'm so glad we're datin- Fuck, no, oops-" he continued laughing despite how sick he felt, the whole situation sounding hilarious when filtered through alcohol.

You giggled along with him, mostly because you wanted to see if you could convince him to move, scared he might feel worse or pass out on the cold floor if he doesn't do so. "Fake dating. Fake dating, I know. I knowww" he continued, his words dragged and his finger pointing at you before poking your nose with such innocent sweetness you were taken aback.

"Max" you tried to sound more assertive but found it hard to do so, your own intoxicated state making the situation lighter than what it actually was. Your heart racing was a symptom of it, one you wouldn't feel if sobriety was an option, you thought. Max's eyes wouldn't seem to stare at you differently were he sober as well, and the way he scanned your features, his gaze staying on your lips for longer than expected, wouldn't affect you in the slightest had you not drank some alcohol.

"I like it when you say my name" he looked up at you innocently, pleading, almost.

"Want me to say it again?" you asked, smiling. You complied with these demands because you knew they were childish whims of an intoxicated man, his happiness a priority in times like these. Upon his nod, you started saying his name, half teasingly, half reassuringly, the leaves rustling in the garden behind you.

"Max... Max!! Max Max-"

He shouldn't. It would complicate things, and he liked when they were simple, clean and organized. He knew he shouldn't even when his whole vision spun and his brain convinced him that he should do things he would never do otherwise. But every time he refrained from saying something he would stumble across all his words and trip and fall and his head would only hurt more, and it seemed as if he could only focus if he kept listening to you and talking to you and looking at you.

The lights shone behind you in a way that made it feel as though he was dreaming, like you were a mirage, too good to be true. Maybe his friends were right - you weren't actually real. He wanted to be sure, in that moment. That you were real and that he wanted you as much as he thought. And though he shouldn't, though it was a terrible idea, he couldn't help but lean over to kiss you.

He tasted like champagne - bubbly and slightly sweet, his movements sloppy given his state, yet you couldn't help but drink it all in. Part of you - a big part - reciprocated the kiss, felt his fingers on the side of your neck, pulling you messily towards him, and tried to steady him, guiding him gently with your own lips.

It was odd, how this felt so right yet the fake hand holding didn't. As Max kissed you, that thought entered his clouded mind - did it feel wrong because it was fake and this was real? Your skin felt so soft, so much softer now he could touch it freely and unapologetically.

"Fuck-" he started, pulling away, his head resting against the wall once again as he stared at you, noticing how it hasn't hit you yet; what you just did, how it affected everything. "I fucking love you" he shrugged as you fixed your hair, pausing with arms raised for a few seconds before smiling softly.

"You're drunk" you replied, looking at his own grin, the gleam in his eyes making him appear both innocent and guilty of so many things.

"I'm drunk and I fucking love you"

"Max..." you started, and he said your name back to you with such tenderness you couldn't believe his lips tasted of alcohol earlier and not something sweet.

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" you continued, waiting for the silence to swallow you both.

[corcnaiism]

;-- considering some stuff has been going on concerning the rp community and whatnot, i wanted to throw my two cents :

rping isn't a job. there are no deadlines, you're not getting paid to interact with a certain amount of people or do a certain amount of replies. you also are not required to interact with "coworkers" on a daily basis that you don't want to. this is your realm, you get to do things your way as long as it isn't hurting others. no one should dictate how you write your characters, canon and oc, period. if people don't like it, they can very easily block and move away and vice versa.

which brings me to my next point. i severely struggle with "people pleaser" syndrome. i want to do whatever i can to make others like me at the cost of my own mental health. i've been slowly working on not letting it consume my daily life, and it has helped me get out of damaging situations.

so in my case, once people start to make me feel uncomfortable while doing something that i enjoy doing out of as a hobby like rping, i'll block without telling them why. yes, i will give a warning because i like to believe people get excited to write and forget some of my rules/boundaries which is perfectly fine as long as they learn and don't purposely do it again. i know i'm not perfect either, and i'm not going to be liked by everyone, so if i get soft/hard blocked, i'm just going to assume i did something wrong, accept that i was in the wrong, and move on. it'll suck, very much, but i'm not going to go stalking people and force them to tell me why they did it. people have their own reasons, they have their own struggles, their own problems, their own real lives, and i'm just an insignificant part of their everything. i'm okay with that. i'm too old to be dealing with online drama as i have enough irl drama as it is.

i know some people like having a reason why they were removed, but i have dealt with situations like these before where i get guilt-tripped immensely, and i rather not go through that every time i want to move myself away from someone making me feel unsafe. so unfortunately, i will unfollow and/or block and that's that. this might sound weird idk but i much prefer not to be a part of a huge rp community due to past experiences of people not able to take "no" and keep pursuing my attention for one reason or another. im a very paranoid individual, so stalking is a massive red flag, and it has lead to me leaving tumblr for up to a year or more until i felt safe to come back.

so yeah, for my own well being, i would much rather just remove myself from situations and move on. it might sound insensitive to not want to give a reason, but ive already stated my reasoning behind it, and i just hope things don't go down the shitter during my time on here. bc ive genuinely been enjoying my time writing with people on here and want to keep doing what i love doing. writing has been a passion of mine since my childhood, and to find others with similar interests is so much fun and it makes me happy.

but yeah that's all i got.

[johanthefriskiestofbits]

oooooo please tell me (who knows nothing on the subject) about orv swap au

hehehe. hehehehehehe. hehehehehehehhehehehhheheheh <- guy who is so normal

the premise of orv swap au (name has yet to be finalized) is this: what if kdj and yjh swapped narrative positions (reader <-> character) but very little else? what if a video game player enters a time loop to save his favorite character from dying over and over again and also to end the apocalypse?

admittedly it's not super fleshed out yet (a lot of the changes this premise would introduce are still not hammered out yet) but here are some points under the cut (novel spoilers ahead!)

orv swap au starts with pro gamer yjh who feels :/ abt his job, but hey, it pays the bills. despite (or maybe because of) his relative popularity as a pro gamer and networking with the agency/sponsors/people to impress, he's kind of isolated in a way that's detrimental, a facade of someone he's not whenever he's on camera

something to play around with is the idea of agency? maybe this yjh doesn't feel like he has any and has his hands tied between the lifestyle and being under public scrutiny and not having enough of a support system to leave everything behind. maybe he doesn't know what else he would even do. maybe he's aimless and drifting with nothing to hold on to.

his favorite video game is what i've been thinking of as World's Hardest To Play Indie Game (not based on difficulty but just on the experience of consuming it) a boring, exposition heavy, player-hostile, poorly designed, slightly buggy mess of a barely-playable game: twsa, a game that was not finished upon release and experiences with sporadic updates every now and then.

the ending tree to this game is so convoluted its insane. also theres no save states so if you die (very likely) u restart babeyyy.

twsa (video game) does have multiple endings, all of which happen when kdj, your main character, dies. some are farther into the apocolypse than others, some paths require meta knowledge of future events or character actions or items or whatever. the "true ending" is either analogous to the original 1863: kdj makes it to the end at the cost of everyone he loves, or hsy's modified 1863: kdj makes himself enemy of the scenario to secure a way out for the kimcom remnants.

there's branches on the choices tree where everyone dies and everything sucks and is bad forever and theres choices to make where kdj gets to make a family and they don't really get to settle down but they can get pretty close to it among the ruins of the apocalypse. through all his testing, yjh finds that these endings are nice but peter out - to get to the end of the apocalypse yjh has to claw his way there inch by painful inch, through betrayal and sacrifice, and he still cant fully get past it

i originally wanted to finagle a yoohankim 3 way swap but i couldn't figure it out. swap aus are a lot easier to work with when they're even numbers, at least to me, so this au features a ysa who is a video game company employee by day and by night she really has become god this time (and also a terrible indie dev). and this is how jungdoksang can still win !!!!

also yjh's coworker from Real Life hsy :) i haven't decided if she's like an employee for the same agency, or if she's someone else in the gaming circles that yjh interacts with sometimes (in my heart theyre in like some sort of discord server together), or something like that but she's around. whatever she does she is twitter cancelled for something. to me.

the only other character swaps are lsk and yma. yma is yjh's estranged sister (in broad strokes there's a vague bad parent situation going on here) (they used to be close until they drifted apart and slowly started hating each other [there is an abyss between them that neither of them can bridge]) (he feels that she betrayed him and threw him under the bus so he left [maybe he gets kicked out]) (she feels that he abandoned her to whatever situation they have going on [he didn't even try to take her with him]) and he has to find her when the apocalypse starts. yjh older sibling to yma gives us a whole different little dynamic to explore from kdj ysk (there's different levels of responsibility and guilt and blame when you're talking siblings that are soooooo interesting to me. sorry that i see any set of siblings and immediately try to figure out how to make them worse)

lsk is kdj's mom who appeared into existence at some point with kdj and they were both just adults. that's weird isn't it. oh well. i guess she can become a transcendent later too for funsies

everyone else stays in the same configuration of Real Person vs Character to me this is a very important aspect

this point has no precedent with the swap, nothing particular that would change to cause this, but it would be so funny if lgy was a little gamer boy who is an avid yjh hater. hates that guy. shows up to competitions to boo him. tunes into yjh's silent no-mic speedrunning streams to mald in chat but yjh +mods don't ban him bc its kinda funny.

anyways the apocalypse starts when yjh and his coworker/fellow gamer hsy are on a train to twitchcon and lgy is also there (also headed to twitchcon) and he brings bugs because he likes them but also to sabotage yjh specifically. its just funny if this happened. you understand

instead of having reader-related skills and abilities, yjh's skills are video game player based! he gets flavor text insight on people, location, and items, things like that. notably, he has the ability to reset, to bring himself back to the beginning of the apocalypse

orv swap proper follows yjh as the Player of the Game (Consumer of the Narrative) who lives hundred of lifetimes in this ruined-world-become-reality "replaying" [read: time looping through] the game to reshape it to save his fave character from self implosion (kdj with no dissociation is very prone to dying. all the time.). to revisit the idea of playing with yjh and the idea of agency, of creation, the only way to get past the apocalypse is to go off the beaten path, to choose options that weren't even there in the game. when in space, at his darkest point, yjh becomes a writer. in this story, at his darkest point, he has to become a creator too

please do not ask me how the epilogues go i dont know how the epilogues go (i don't want to throw yjh back into a train for milennia after he Just went through a thousand resets so i'm sending kdj for that but i havent fully planned how or why)

anyways, hope that helps!!! :)

[lupe-jess]

Hi, I would like to ask you for some advice if you don't mind (if you do feel free to ignore this message). So, I'm a girl and recently I think I've been feeling attracted to another girl for the first time. But I find it incredibly hard to tell how she feels about me because we are friends already. She has called me darling and honey and she gives me butterflies, but sometimes takes ages to reply to my messages, which makes me doubt she likes me like that, as I am constantly checking if she has replied (we are both bad texters though). Do you perhaps have any wisdom to impart? I would be eternally grateful💞

Hi! First of all, sorry this took so long. I wasn't ignoring you, i just barely check my notifications here.

Second, I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask. I would love to help you out but my experiences with relationships are not good. My only relationship was a long time ago and it was not a good one and sometimes I feel like I'm still recovering from it.

Also, I'm an introvert who would be terrified to tell someone else how I feel jgjhdjgk

All I can think of to say is don't rush into telling her how you feel. Maybe somehow try and find out if she feels the same? Maybe another friend could do a little subtle fishing??? Also has she ever expressed an interest in girls before?? I don't know, it's a difficult situation because there is also your friendship to think of.

I once had a real big crush on a coworker of mine who I was very close with but I had no idea if she was into girls and I was way too shy to make a move. I kept thinking what are you doing crushing on a straight girl!! So I never told her anything. But then years later I find out that not only is she a lesbian she has also been in a relationship for years!! I don't know where I'm going with this except that it can be very hard to tell how how someone else feels. In my case it wouldn't have mattered anyway because she was already in a relationship.

Sorry I couldn't be more of a help :( I really hope things work out for you ❤️❤️❤️

[kerink]

you brought up such good points and it gave me a platform to yap more so sorry about that

for PTSD and survivor's guilt: i'm a psychologist and i work at the VA where PTSD and survivor's guilt are the name of the game. you'd honestly be really surprised how people can cope through and compartmentalize some of the most horrific shit imaginable.

PTSD is at its worst immediately following the event and several decades after the dust of your life has settled. i often tell people that once you hit your 40s-60s your PTSD will ramp up again, as bad if not worse than it was after the event. now this is specific to veterans, who are 18-25 typically when the event happens, and then spend their 20s-30s trying to go to school, get a job, have a family, start a home. all of this your brain perceives as "trying to survive" so it doesn't try to deal with the trauma just yet. this is also not true for everyone, it's true in most cases i've seen and it's true for my personal PTSD, but there are also some people for whom they never get a break from their trauma.

so immediately after the event, curly's going to have to be going through pretty extensive medical treatment where his primary focus is still going to be surviving in this moment. he's also going to be going through exhausting and painfully and mentally taxing physical therapy. all of this is going to enable him to compartmentalize what happened on the tulpar, since he will still technically be in a life or death situation and living with his sympathetic nervous system activated. in the game we saw how stressed curly was, how sleep deprived he was, and know he was hallucinating too, but was still able to do his job and support his coworkers. to me this show that curly is very resilient and able to compartmentalize things well enough in order to get things done. i think the initial PTSD effects would be pushed aside, and since you only need to get over that initial hump, after awhile he'd be symptom managing instead of dealing with trauma. that distinction may not make total sense and tell me if it doesn't, but there is a difference.

now the survivor's guilt will eat him alive for sure, people don't shake that one off unless they go full avoidance mode. i think curly would be able to flip it to "i have to live for them" because he's nothing if not self-sacrificial. also, curly would blame himself for having brought jimmy along. and after seeing, hearing, and experiencing everything jimmy did to them only for jimmy to kill himself and get out of being held accountable, curly wouldn't want to take that "coward's way out." he'd want to live and heal and get better so he could face the music. he's going to take responsibility not only for what he did but also what jimmy did. their whole lives he's been shouldering the burden of Jimmy, what makes this any different?

thinking about curly's prosthetics and what physical supports he'll have access to is a real tricky one, i agree with you. esp since we do only have limited capabilities today and we have no idea what the world looks like outside the tulpar.

i see people call the pony express scifi amazon and. yeah... i agree. but we make that comparison because we have an analog. so let's look an our analogs. we have a society where we allow amazon to have the working conditions it does. but we also have HUD glasses, controllable prosthetics, we're working on artificial organs, various forms of vocal recovery (we don't know what the damage to curly's speech system are, if he lost his tongue or if his vocal chords were damaged or if he was just in too much pain to speak), the brain chip thing you pointed out, and all sorts of other things either currently available or in the works. society continues to push to improve quality of life without addressing the systems that cause poor quality of life.

and bouncing off that statement into the next thing i wanted to talk about: we can get an idea of what curly's recovery might look like by turning to other scitfi dystopian stories. the cyberpunk and star wars series were the first ones i thought of when making this post. cyberpunk has a prosthetic and augmentation focus, while star wars (motions to darth vader). anakin skywalker also had full body burns, multiple amputations, and damage to his speaking abilities. and look at what they were able to do for him!

the tulpar has a very retro-future vibe that screams fallout to me, so i think poking around in the fallout universe for inspiration would be meaningful. sadly i dont know shit from fuck about fallout other than from monster factory lmfao

i think curly's situation is ultra complicated, which is a good thing for a fandom. it allows everyone to explore it however they want to, whatever's going to bring them catharsis. which is exactly what curly is to jimmy: something to project his own pain and suffering out on and someone too helpless to stop us taking it out on.

edit because i forgot to touch on the money bit: i think pony express would pay a lot to make this incident go away. even tho jimmy was fucking around on the psych evals, he was doing that when they were already in the middle of their mission. pony express obviously cleared him before he even got on the ship, which is going to show faults in their screening and application processes. there were also only 4 cryopods for a crew of 5, even if that's legal it's going to cause such bad PR that they're going to want to hide it. and there was only enough food and air to get them from port to port with no emergency rations, there was also no automatic SOS system in place that would keep track of the ship and alert the company to an issue. the blood is on pony express' hands, and since it's not clear if they went out of business or if they moved to fully automated shipping, either they or the insurance company responsible for them is going to have to pay up. an event this grizzly is gonna be all over the place, look at how society responded to the chilean miners, uruguayan flight 571, the titanic.

i think they're going to try to deny fault first, but once an investigation is done and the evidence comes out, they're gonna pay out the wazoo to shut curly the fuck up and make this all go away and look like sympathetic good guys taking responsibility.

look at the recent disney scandal, where they tried to get out of the death because the wife had signed up for disney+, then back-tracked when they got bad PR, but tried to say they were allowing it to go to trial because of altruistic reasons.

been thinking a lot today about post-rescue curly

a rescue team is going to want to keep him in cryo until they can figure out not only how to transport him but how to treat him. keeping him in a medically induced coma after that while he goes thru multiple surgeries. what does the medical technology look like in the future? what does his treatment and rehab look like? how easily do his skin grafts take? are his prosthetic neuro-linked and controllable? does he get a cyber eye? or is it long and hard and painful and riddled with infection and rejection and set back like it would be now? will he ever be able to vocally speak again or will he use sign language or an AAC board or other speech generating device?

did the ship's security camera keep running and recording after the crash? during the hearing will curly have to watch everything happen all over again? or did it go out like the radio and curly will have to give detailed testimony over and over and over again?

will he have to face anya and jimmy and swansea and daisuke's families during the hearing or during the settlement process? will they understand? will they hate him? will they blame him? will they comfort him? and if the cameras work and daisukes parents hear that their son was the one who was chosen to survive, but curly got his seat? will curly be able to live with knowing that?

what does his future look like? does he live off the settlement money or does he have to go back to work? does he write a book or sign over movie rights? does he get hounded by media and press wanting to parade him around all over tv and radio and newspapers and magazines? do people pressure him to do a lecture circuit? do true crime people ever leave him alone? how long is it before he's able to just go to the grocery store in peace?

what does a life for him look like?

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[attzi-gearburst]

Not Schematics

These particular pages of her notebook have stains from what is either soapy water or wine. Both. As always, these notes are kept in her own shorthand.

-----

Writing this in the bath. Usually get notes done first, but feeling dirtier than usual. Puking guts out will do that.

From the top. Was in the tavern at home today, assembling watch meant to show Mega for catalog. Elf came and sat down without asking. Used to people helping themselves to my company, so. Made him wait while I counted gears, then looked up.

Something was off with the eyes. More so than usual with a blood elf. Armor wasn't great either. Spikes, very red. Even less great was him calling me by name. Told him he got points for his ballsy entrance while I gathered my thoughts.

He was polite up until he made half the patrons get up and march out the building by force when I asked for a proper introduction.

Apparently it's nice to be worshipped. Never been convinced of that, but he sure seems to be. Bad sign, even without the context.

But... not a good idea to upset someone who can puppet other people. Even if it might not work on me, didn't like the idea of drowning under a sea of tall sycophants, either. So, old habits kicked in. Never let someone you don't like see the disdain, you know? Bad for business.

Despite everything else, working for Revilgaz taught me good people skills.

"Neat trick. Can think of several situations where that would have been useful. Ya get more points."

Wonders never cease: flattery works on everyone, even if they know they're talking to a flatterer. (Even though he asked about my old job, still assumed he knew what I used to do. In theory, he'd know how I'd react to this situation, right? But hey. I've got a great smile.)

Who introduces themselves as "The Defiler?" Couldn't help myself. Was pretty sure since I wasn't already dead, death wasn't his goal. So, asked if I should call him "The," or "Mr. Defiler." Then he gave me his real name. (Original name?) Acted like I should know who he was because of course Mega would have said something. Pretended not to know anything, just to see how he reacted to not being talked about.

Used to have people try to tempt me away from Revilgaz for other work before I quit on my own. Got offered everything from money, to drugs, to sex, to 'anything my little heart desired.' But, being offered getting my hearing restored was new.

Honestly? He'd have had better luck if he'd tried the 'fix the memory issues' angle instead. Ear's the least of my worries. Still, asked about it in detail to get a feel for what he could do.

Nothing good, for the record.

Thankfully, I've got practice sitting and smiling while powerful men talk about themselves at length. Was never really an open 'come join me' offer, but still seemed like he was trying to tempt me away from Mega. Maybe he wanted me to bring it up?

Not gonna happen. Met the security team months ago. Better to be at the right hand of the Legion than in their path.

Sure, Mr. Dinthoqaf could make a tiny me out of his own blood to illustrate his points. And then kill her. Sure, he had more sway in my home than I was comfortable with. But... Signed a contract. And Iike my coworkers.

Also... Not a monster.

He got bored eventually. Not sure if that's a reflection on my people skills or his reaction to my sass. Either way, he decided to make a point.

Note to self: tell Mega we're down a warehouse worker. Never interacted with him enough to be able to remember his name. Which made the megalomaniac turning him to a puddle of goo to prove a point even sadder.

Felt sick, but kept my attention on the asshole who did it. Took down a few nonsense notes, made comment about "now that we're getting serious, I'll be a good little messenger."

But all the gold and gears in Azeroth, this man truly seems to be coming after us because Mega said no to him at some point? Who is that petty?

"All this because he hurt your feelings?" I said. Smiling. Next to a puddle of goo that used to be a coworker.

I wasn't really in a spot to listen to the reply. At some point, I heard noises about him hoping we weren't on opposite sides when we saw each other again.

"I ain't in the habit of making enemies. Keep that in mind if you wanna talk again."

Better to keep the channel open, right?

Went home, puked guts out, climbed into the bath. Want to break my three drink rule, but writing this before my stupid brain forgets it. Because there are parts that will fade if I don't do this. No matter how bad it was.

Need to talk to Mega. Need to warn Kappi, Dave, and Zokk to keep an eye out for creepy elves (be less vague). Probably shouldn't say anything to Mister Mae yet; gotta be a better time to unleash him.

Might go get sick again, actually. But hey... My boots survived.

Note to self: ask Zokk for some blood resist enchants for my clothes.

Note to self: work more with the watch. We're going to need some second chances.

[purposefully-lost]

"Hello again!"

Mark started as another man slipped into the booth across from him, brows furrowing. Most of the time the diner was near empty this late, and certainly no one ever joined him. He was about to ask just what he was doing when suddenly recognition struck- He'd only seen him once before, very briefly in the dark, but--

"I said we might meet again, didn't I?" William grinned brightly at him, sharpened teeth briefly visible as he tilted his head and searched his gaze. It was those blue eyes that jogged Mark's memory, shining out from behind dark locks. He had his hair pulled back into a low ponytail tonight, wearing a soft blue sweater that only seemed to accent the color of his eyes. He still didn't look anything at all how Mark would imagine a vampire, but then again, neither did Levi, really.

"Uh." He stuttered for a moment before he sat up and cleared his throat, peering at Will. "Sure. But what are you--"

"I was wondering if you and Levi's werewolf were one and the same," Will said conversationally. "You do know Levi, don't you?"

"He's my... roommate," Mark said carefully. "I-"

"Mm. Those marks on your neck mean nothing, then?"

"What m-" Mark cut himself off, his face quickly warming as he raised a hand to rub at the side of his neck, where just this morning Levi's lips had been. He hadn't realized he'd left anything behind. Oh God, he thought, had his coworkers seen? Between that and being called Puppy at work... he shook his head. "It's not- its not like that. What are you doing? And how do you know Levi? Do all vampires just know each other?"

Will had looked away from him, pulling a small leather pouch from his pocket and flipping it open to reveal a stack of paper. Or.. cards? Half of them looked to be of different materials, or different colors, but Mark thought that was what they had to be. Will shuffled them between his hands, his eyes on them rather than Mark as he spoke. He laughed softly. "God, no. There's too many of us. And most aren't so friendly."

"But.. you are?" Mark asked uneasily. "You drank that guy's blood-"

"Levi drinks blood too," Will glanced up at him, though his smile still lingered. "We aren't all lucky enough to have someone swiping blood bags for us. Some have partners that let them drink, but, well..." He sat the deck on the table and fully looked at Mark this time, a certain.. knowing look in his eyes, though it bordered on mischievous. "That can go wrong. And anyway, you get close enough to someone to let them do that, you'll want them to turn you eventually, right? Then you need double the blood. Cut the deck into three, then pull the top card from each one. Whether or not you flip it is up to you."

Mark looked down at the cards. Oh, he thought, and then he laughed. "Oh, come on, this fortune telling stuff can't be.. real." He frowned as be said it. Werewolves and vampires were real. Levi's odd tricks were real. Shit.

"Not really fortune telling," Will told him. "More just.. telling. Helps you gain understanding of a situation, or a problem, or... a person. At least, that's how I've always seen it." He nodded towards Mark. "Go on."

Mark sighed. Might as well, right? He reached forwards and did as Will had said, flipping each card as he set it down; eight of pentacles, seven of rods, the chariot. The first two were little more than sketched images, of a man forging away at a circular slate and a woman surrounded by seven stakes, respectively. They were also both upside down, whereas the last- a man astride a grey-blue horse, was upright and fully painted in with color. Mark frowned. "Isn't that a bad thing? That they're, uh.. upside down?"

"Reversed," Will supplied, humming afterwards. He was peering down intensely at the cards, a curious look on his face. "And no. Not good or bad, just changes the meaning." He looked up suddenly with another smile. Mark was getting that the feeling that either he was either always smiling or he took some kind of joy in this. "You're an interesting one, Mark. Want to know that I think?"

"Well, uh..." he furrowed his brows. "Yeah. Sure."

"I think," Will started, as be began to gather up the cards again. "That you have spent a long time feeling very stagnant. Not unhappy, but not satisfied, either." Mark started to speak and Will continued, talking over him. "But something changed. Or.. will change, it's hard to tell with these things. No longer stagnating, but no longer stable. You're lost, unsure. You're facing something new and you don't know how to deal with it."

Will glanced up, and though he clearly tried not to let his gaze fall to Mark's neck, it did. Mark frowned at him. "I-"

"You wouldn't recognize the man painted on that last card, but he is someone very important to me." Will spoke with a tone in his voice that was wholly new. It took Mark off guard, making him pause in his attempt to protest. "I chose him because I have seen him overcome trials that would have destroyed a lesser man. I've watched him find comfort in a world that would have seen him burn." Will smiled at him, genuine and soft. "Whatever it is you're feeling, or whatever you're facing... it will pass. You seem like a sensible man, Mark. I'm sure you'll be able to figure it all out."

Mark swallowed. "I, uh... I don't think I'm facing anything."

"We're all facing something." Will moved to stand, tucking away the pouch again and giving him a wave. "Tell Levi I said hello!"

"Wait-"

"I'm sorry. I only stopped in because I saw you." Will broke out into a grin. "I'll see you around!"

"I'll, uh, see you," Mark replied. Then Will was gone, and he sat back in his seat for a long moment before he found himself laughing. It was all so.. ridiculous.

He glanced at the clock on the wall and felt a pang in his chest. Levi would be wondering where he was if he didn't get in soon. Leaving a tip on the table, he stood, stretched, and headed out into the night.

It was when he got home after the rain had started to find Levi in the backyard chasing after a muddied Ripley that he thought, for the first time, that he was really going to miss him when he left.

[grouchythefish]

Do you have any recommendations for how to handle transitioning in a small town, I'm out in general but only really to people that ask and I'm kinda anxious about having to deal with professionals (ie dentist/medical people) seeing me transition since I'm starting t in a month, I kinda wish I could just hide for a couple years and just pretend I'm a different person but that doesn't seem realistic

Hey so first off, I'm sorry for taking LITERALLY 15 days to respond to this. I have no explanation.

secondly, congrats on starting T! I'm really excited for you.

I sort of know how you feel about being out in general but also not really being completely out. Coming out was a very slow and gradual process for me and there are still settings where (even with a low voice and a beard) I'm still getting called by my deadname and she/her-ed. (like the bank)

I'm not really good at advice but I can tell you some of the harder things I went through and what helped.

I absolutely understand the urge to hide for a couple years and return as a different person. What's been helpful for me is remembering that I am always meeting new people and having people fade in and out of my life. That's just a natural part of being human and living in a society.

So sure I could isolate myself until I reach some unachievable idea of the "real" me...or I could just continue life as I am because naturally people are going to continue to enter my life as they always have and eventually that will mean having a large number of people in my life who never knew me pre-transition. I chose the name Aspen in 2020 and am already at a point where the vast majority of people I interact with on a daily basis never knew my name before that.

I think the 2 biggest things that have helped me and that I would want to tell myself if I could go back in time and talk to the me 2 years ago are:

Know who your allies are

When I came out to my parents. I came out to all my siblings first and made sure we were all together so I could have them backing me up. It was still a bad time, but made infinitely better by having them there to defend me.

At work, my allies are not often the people I expect and I think this was the hardest thing for me to realize and accept. They aren't necessarily my friends and aren't even necessarily people I like, but they're the people who are most willing to actually gender me correctly when I'm not around and most willing to correct other people when I'm not around and to me, that's what's important.

Have a mental faq prepared

both mental scripts and scripts that I have literally written out in google docs to prepare for tough conversation. When I came out to my doctor it was over a telehealth appt so I literally wrote down what I was going to say ahead of time and read it on the call and that worked for me. when it comes to people at work I have a sort of mental script for getting out the necessary information (how you can refer to me, how you can't refer to me, how to respond if you hear someone else refer to me incorrectly) and move on without it getting weird or awkward.

A good thing to remember with professionals, is that they are professionals. They are trained to handle these situations properly and respectfully whether they want to or not and if they don't, (depending on where you live) there is recourse you can take.

I know it's cliché but it does get easier to correct people. Like all things it comes with practice and even though my town is very conservative, I've run into far less pushback than I expected.

There's a lot of stuff I'll grin and bear like getting called the wrong name at the blood clinic which I only have to go to once every 6 months, but I no longer tolerate misgendering when I'm getting my prescriptions at the pharmacy every month or talking to my coworkers. They know my name and pronouns at this point and have no reason to ignore them so if they do, I correct them.

I hope you still see this even though I took so long to answer and I hope it helps. If you ever wanna vent or have more questions, my askbox and messages are always open.

[holywankenobi]

SW fandom rant

To be honest, I don't really know how or where can I start talking about this. If you aren't interested in any of the Star Wars drama that is going on then skip this post, cause its gonna be long... these goes for the SW fans we are concerned about the whole situation itself. I barely have the strength to do this and exposing my opinion about certain things makes me uncomfortable but it's been a long while since I'm keeping things to myself. There's much information I have to process so please be patient with me since I barely know how to express my emotions in the right way (that's why I'm holding myself back a lot here: it will seem I'm calm... but I'm not. I'm angry and tired at the same time).

DISNEY CANON

We all know where it all started. The Force Awakens premiere in 2015. We will start from there.

As ANY star wars movie, there will be people who liked it, people who loved it and people who hated it. And there is where some fans clash with the others. Fans who enjoy practically every movie or SW related things and those fans who demonize every movie (specially the ones from the new Disney canon) and the only thing that matters for them are the episodes IV, V, VI and the Legends canon (some of them also defend the prequel episodes I, II and III, fact which I'll talk about it later). And they bash against everyone who likes the Disney sequels.

BOI IM SCARED OF TELLING PEOPLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE SAGA SO FAR. And I already had problems with Legends hardcore fans.

Let me tell this straightaway... Star Wars are movies for kids. They've always been. George Lucas said it. They seem to be thirsty for feeling again what they felt when they were kids whenever a SW movie comes out but they always exit the cinema with a feeling of extreme disappointment.

I was talking about the last movie with my co workers at the beginning of the year and they complaint it was "too Disney". And that's precisely what I'm trying to explain! It's ok whether you like the sequels or not like them. Everyone has his own taste. I just find funny complaining for a whole saga originally made for kids for being "too Disney". I dont know if you get my point here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEsOqEpNF0k&list=PL8SlwcJuVWR2FNtL-6Wo5QUP6LMjpNJUA

LEGENDS CANON

Then there's those who hated the prequels, that said there was nothing worse than the phantom menace, those who hated on George Lucas for doing such a crap, but now praise the prequels because Disney is satan for them and they want the old canon back. George Lucas ended up selling SW to Disney because, he ain't no fool, he knows this fanbase is one of the most toxic and ungrateful that has ever existed. And he saw it with the prequels feedback... Then they now have the guts to demand him to continue the old canon? Smells like hypocrite-crying fanboys to me.

My whole point is....It's ok if you are a new/Disney sequels fan, it's ok if you are a prequels fan, it's ok if you are a SW original movies fan, Legends canon fan, OG fan, casual fan, hardcore fan... as always you understand that not everyone will agree with your point of view, not everyone will like or think the same way as you do, or live SW the same way as you do. There's a difference between respecting and agreeing with, concepts which sometimes get mixed and taken as the same thing, which is not. Respect other fans mean "I don't agree with you but I know how much this means for you, so I won't intentionally mock you" WHICH THING LEADS US TO THE NEXT TOPIC:

JOHN BOYEGA

*takes a deep breath*

Man. I dont know. He's a full grown up man and he's behaving like a 5 yo on his social media...... John is the actor who gives life to Finn (the ex stormtrooper). It all started with this sexist comment he responded to a fan in his IG. 

Then people (naturally) got offended, specially reylos. But instead of apologizing he kept on going, remarked what he said and also did a video to mock the reylo community.

You think I'm only defending a ship here but no. Its bigger than that. He has the right to feel left out in this saga because I agree with him IN THAT FACT. He is probably the actor which is more into the SW world, he was always a big fan (of the whole cast I mean). Thats why fans love him do much. And I did love him too. And he (naturally) wanted to have more spotlight on this saga ( I think Finn was one of the most wasted characters of these movies tbh) But instead of taking it the mature way he's having a tantrum on his IG because Finnrey did not become a real thing, he's trolling reylos and encouraging SW haters and antis to bully them whose are already having a hard time with TROS end (which I'll talk about later because I dont like their attitude about it either).

And it's not just raise the hate on shippers thing dude you could just apologize because you said something sexist and offended a lot of people who ship reylo and really means a thing for them. The whole thing that the greatest achievement a man can have with a woman is sex is just DISGUSTING. Rey kissed Ben but now he's gone Finn has the road clear and can fuck her? BRUH.

This is all so wrong and he was the one who started it.

ADAM DRIVER

I'm really relieved Adam does not have any social media because omg I would be suffering so much rn...

I honestly have never emotionally connected with an actor so much as I did with him. His whole acting is so good and I could really notice on this last movie. I'm starting to watch his other movies. And not just his acting, he's so professional off camera too.

I'm really happy and proud of him for his Oscar nomination, he really deserves it TT

But I'm worried this whole John Boyega thing affects him. Idk how I would feel if I were in his shoes, if my coworker was saying those things on social media and then smile at me like nothing is happening. But honestly what hurts me the most is he's having a worse time with "reylos".. I think the rumors of him having an affair with Daisy Ridley was what messed things up. I honestly dont know if its true, I've got some info but it's hard to believe. Because there are so many haters manipulating fake info that I dont trust anything and anyone anymore.

And this is where I talk about:

REYLOS AND DAIVERS

BOI OH BOI

This is gonna be hard....

First of all, I don't consider Daivers (Daisy x Adam shippers) as part of the reylo community. I'm sorry. But its fucking disgusting you going to demand Adam to divorce from his wife, abandon his son and then start dating Daisy because of this rumor or because you can't separate fiction from reality.... I read he even recieved death threats ARE WE NUTS??? They (Adam and Daisy) having a good chemistry working together doesn't mean they are in love, kids...

Driver has an awesome wife and a lovely son. Daisy is currently dating someone.

Infidelity is gross. No more. And I would be so disappointed at them if this turns out to be true. But seeing all what's happening around the actors and specially having all this haters out there... I'll say this was all false information.

Daiver is not real and won't be. So stick only to the fictional ship.....

About Reylo itself. I find REALLY funny how people who dont know shit about what this ship means say it's an abusive relationship. Bullshit. I wouldn't be shipping them if so.

Also the people still stating it's not real/canon hiding themselves behind the "Ben solo is dead lol" argument. Do you stop loving someone when they die?

Yes, they love each other. No, it wasn't always reciprocated love. They started being enemies in the force awakens, friends who understood and cared for each other through force dyad in the last jedi and ended up being lovers at the end of the rise of Skywalker. Rey wants to revenge her family (her falling to the dark side) but also wants Ben Solo back, and he wants to be the most powerful leader on the galaxy and still being kylo ren. But they eventually meet in the middle between light and dark and Leia finally reaches out to him to make him turn to the light.That's their fight. That's the angst. That's the tea. "No one is ever really gone" there's always hope. Star Wars is centered in HOPE. And their story represents it at its finest.

NOW. The reylo community.

Despite you liked it or not the end they gave to the saga... I think JJ Abrams doesn't deserve all the hate he's receiving... he probably did a lot of things wrong but seriously... just stop. Not only from reylos but the whole fandom.

Sending hate won't lead to anything now...

I enjoyed The rise of Skywalker. Indeed I spent half of the movie crying and I loved it.

You can cry as much as you want the loss of Ben (although I have hope for him still being alive in a way, there are plenty of theories) but that doesn't give you the right to death threat JJ. And I think I'll stop here cause I'm already tired.

Everyone has their own taste, preferences, favourite characters, ships, whatever. I pray for people stop judging others for their tastes, specially in this cursed fanbase. Sorry if I ever misbehaved trying to defend what I think or like. I just want this place to be supportive and safe for everyone and everything what's happening is not helping... We are all SW fans and that's our connection point. Dont discredit others for having another point of view...

I'll leave it here, but I'm open to debate or talk about anything I said in a respectful way.

[ch-sy]

It's taken me like 6 years to realize that some men just really ain't shit

I haven't been able to talk about this to anyone in my RL about this because of my social circle and knowing it would cause a bad situation to spiral out worse but I gotta go off sis..

So, almost like 2 years ago I was living in a rented house with my boyfriend and our two roommates (who were also guys.) ONE of these roommates was really chill and like, minded his own business and didn't cause any shit or anything. My boyfriend and I were really comfortable living with him pretty much right off. But the 2nd one was literally one of the most twisted, conniving motherfuckers I have ever had the misfortune of crossing paths with in my entire life. Just for starters, we didn't know this guy had killed someone before. A really long story short, his house had been broken into before because someone found out he had a safe in it with like 10k stashed. So they tried robbing him in the middle of the night-- he winded up shooting one of them and killing the guy. Anyways, we didn't know about this until like 3 months after he had moved in.. well.. then he started acting really nice toward me and from my boyfriend's perspective on things, started either giving him the cold shoulder or he would almost be fakely nice to him.

This motherfucker spent like almost 5 months trying to drive a wedge between me and my boyfriend, he tried to get me fucked up on ecstasy when we went on a beach trip to try and take advantage of me while my boyfriend wasn't there because he was working all weekend. Once he realized he couldn't get me he literally got together with one of my BEST FRIENDS and coworkers to try and piss me off (it worked, but only because by then I knew exactly what he was doing and even tried warning her that he was.) She didn't listen, and once he realized that he wasn't getting to me he started treating her terrible and cheated on her cause he's a real winner. By the end of things, my boyfriend and I decided the living situation was entirely too toxic and we broke our lease just to get away from him. The scumbag waited until my boyfriend wasn't home one day working and I was off to have his friend come over and help him pack his shit up, while they were in his room lowkey yelling about shooting all of us over it. We got out of the house and thankfully, we haven't seen shitstick again. Thank u, next

So NOW.. we're in a living situation with my boyfriend's co-worker, who at first- once again, seemed really chill mind you. I met his wife long before we moved in and we all got along really well, I thought it would be nice to live with another chick too.. whatever.

Over the past few weeks, his wife and I have gotten really close with each other so she's started opening up to me when talking about things. She told me that she's never been in a situation where her husband acts so cruel and distant to her. That he's changed a lot just over the past few weeks--like so much to the point she says he's a completely different person and it's getting so bad that she's starting to want a divorce. She's starting to resent him for it.

New Year's this year, he got entirely too wasted and shoved her into the dirt out in our yard. Two guys who were over here got pissed and one of them swung on him for it (because you don't lay your hands on a female like that, especially not your wife?) Our roommate proceeded to call her his bitch while he was trying to fight these two friends of his (that are no longer his friend's after this incident, mind you.) It was a really fucked up night. I winded up threatening him and telling him if he ever hurt her again that I would do it to him and it was going to be 1000 times worse and had to console her to calm her down for like an hour.

He started acting right again for like a week, after that and then went back to treating his wife like shit. And me and her are really close now so everytime I see her upset over the shit he does, I get pissed off..

Something registered the other day from the incident with our first shitty roommate and I've started picking up on some things:

1. He didn't start acting this way until after we moved in (she's somewhat noticed this- my boyfriend has noticed this and thinks if we have anything to do with it, its that our roomie is jealous of our relationship because honestly we really do have an extremely stable one) like, for example: I get kinda annoyed when my boyfriend has to work late. I was never like that before but I'm 6 months pregnant and so, like.. I need him around more than ever right now. He's understanding of this and so a lot of the time when I ask for him to come home, he does. Our roommate came in one day after this happened and was like "how come it's that she gets mad when her man isn't home but mine doesn't give a shit- what is that?" And we just kinda laughed it off because I figured he was just making fun of me for bitching.. but like, he does it all the time and I've picked up on it a lot more.

He's constantly comparing me and his wife, he came in one day long before my boyfriend got off work because my boyfriend is a foreman so he usually has to stay later than the others, and was like "there's a bunch of beautiful women in MY house" and it kinda rubbed me wrong when he said it, but once again, I wrote it off as nothing.

By now, our roommate and his wife are fighting almost every night. He's started refusing to take care of their 7 month old child unless she bitches him out to or begs him to (and--that's your fucking child bro, nobody should have to beg you to take care of your little girl.) He's been lowkey doing things to like, assert his dominance over his wifw I guess. It's really fucked up, like one day me and my boyfriend were gonna drop her off at work cause her car is broke and a lot of the time she has to walk.. and one day when we offered, he winded up calling us to be like "im home now so don't worry about taking her, I got it" and then PROCEEDED TO MAKE HER WALK TO WORK CAUSE "IT WAS A NICE DAY" girl I wanted to punch him in his face right then once I found out. To top this all off, she thinks he might be cheating now.

It's just collectively a bunch of shit that can't be ignored and I don't know how to deal with it. It's not my relationship but it's starting to affect me and my boyfriend's because they work together and our roommate has been doing so much fucked up shit lately (and seeing how he treats his wife) makes me paranoid about my boyfriend even being around him. Not because I don't trust him, but because I don't trust our roommate anymore.

And now I'm highkey wondering if he's got some sort of bullshit thing for me because of what's happened before. It's like weird flex but ok but I'm being serious.

I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend that I think it might be a possibility and we need to move out or not. It's a catch 22 because I could tell him and possibly ruin their friendship and work relationship (maybe for just being paranoid) or I could just not say anything, wait it out and possibly allow my friend's relationship to deteriorate. I know it's not really my problem and regardless of any of it--if he's that kind of person, it won't last anyway because he's a shithead and his true colors are coming out..

Either way, this entire situation has got me stressed out as fuck, I don't feel comfortable living here anymore and I'm pregnant and shouldn't be dealing with anymore stress than I already have to. I dont know what to do or I'm supposed to do cause..

[apostatesurana]

hello! this might be a bit of an overreach, and you can feel free to ignore this ask, but as someone with chronic illness/pain, how do you, for lack of a better word, function? i've never been in the position before where i've had to take things like advil or tylenol daily to not be in pain all the time and i'm absolutely going to speak to my physician about what to do but i thought that maybe as part of the community you could tell me what is common? i don't think it's good to do it long term?

hi - no worries! this turned out longer than i meant it to, so i’m putting the majority of it under a read more (or at least attempting to, i’m on mobile so let’s see if this works LOL)

i’ve had to adjust my definition of “functioning”. everybody’s different and my idea of functioning may not be your’s or the next person’s. so for me, functioning is just doing what i can on a day-to-day basis. planning for what needs to be done and allocating when to do it helps me.

:readmore:

so for a couple of examples - if i need to go to the store, i plan it for the next “high” energy day i have or i plan for it to be the only major thing i do in a day. if i have to lead a meeting, i schedule it in the mid-morning, since that’s when i have both the energy and the clear head most days. you’ll slowly be able to figure out what takes more energy and what’s easier to do as you go. (if you haven’t heard of spoon theory, i’d suggest looking it up! it’s tangential to this conversation)

but there are days where i can get a lot done and there are days like the day i had yesterday, which was a Real Fucking Bad Day™️. i was exhausted to the point of not being able to think straight, every part of my body ached, and the majority of my joints were giving me shooting pains that would happen both when i moved and randomly. my joints normally pop every so often, but it was to the point where one of my coworkers pointed out that my joints snapped and popped every. time. i. moved. i did what absolutely had to be completed and that was it - nothing more.

today’s an easier day and closer to what my normal is - my “normal” tiredness is back and it’s only my problem areas giving me issues, though i’m still struggling hard with energy levels because of how much energy i had to put into just existing yesterday. i’ve been able to complete more than just the bare minimum, but it’s not close to what i can do on my normal days.

on my normal days, where it’s just the tiredness and the pain i typically deal with, i still do the same things with planning and allocating where i put my energy because i keep learning the hard way that if i ignore my body and push myself too hard, everything will get real bad, real fast.

so maybe your functioning works like mine and it fluctuates or maybe you’re in a different situation, but i’d encourage you to define what functioning means to you in the way that best helps you in your situation and in living your day-to-day life (and your mental health, because societal standards certainly don’t help with the emotions surrounding chronic issues). i guess my ultimate advice is: don’t hold yourself to impossible standards and be gentle with yourself.

as for the tylenol/advil part, i’d first like to make a disclaimer: one, i’m not a medical professional. two, like a medical professional, i too can make mistakes XD i also can’t speak for the community at large, but i can at least say what i know for people i know

that being said, it depends on how much you’re taking and how often. most sources say that, as long as you’re taking less than the maximum dosage per every 24 hours, you should be fine. there are health risks associated with long term use, but a good majority of the people who i know who aren’t on a specific pain treatment plan take an otc painkiller on a daily basis (myself included at this point) - just watch how much you’re taking

granted, i don’t know your medical history, so i would definitely recommend following your plan of asking your physician - they’ll be able to give you specifics surrounding your history, situation, and what to do or not do!

i feel like rambled, so hopefully this helps in some capacity! i also feel like i’m missing something i wanted to say, so i’ll come back and add an edit at the end of this if i remember 😅 but my askbox is always open!

[adultfansofonedirection]

HI Cassie and Candice! I'm coming to you with my woes b/e I know you always give such good advice and encouragement to your followers. Here's the deal: I've been out of university for about 1 1/2 years and it looks like almost my only option now is to move away from my hometown if I want any kind of decent job (I've been living back w/ my parents since graduation). I would be by myself, since I don't have close friends that would come w/ me, or that I could go and live with, and my family (cont

first of all, so sorry for the delay in answering this. Whenever we get a big ask like this, we like to really think about it so we can try and help you as much as possible! 

Also putting this under a cut because I really rambled on here!

First of all, it already seems like you’ve made the decision to move which is the hardest part of moving out of your parents house and heading out on your own. I think that’s really admirable and exciting! Now that you’ve pushed yourself in that direction, you can start making a real plan. 

Which comes to part one! Make a plan. Something really doable with small, incremental steps that will help you not feel so overwhelmed with everything you feel like you have to accomplish. Some good initial steps might be 1) researching cities you might want to move to and exploring their job markets and opportunities and job growth rate. 2) nailing down what industry you want to and go where that industry is thriving 3) finding  place to live and researching neighborhoods, housing costs, roommates etc. 4) applying for jobs or internships that will get you where you need to be. (these don’t need to be your steps, but you get the idea). The nice thing about living at home is that you have time and resources to do this research and make these plans.

Not having experience in an office setting can seem like a big hurdle. It always seems like when searching for jobs, they want so much previous experience even if it’s an entry level position. One really good resource might be a temp agency. If you can get in with a good recruiter at a temp agency, they can do some advocacy on your behalf and you can start doing short and maybe longer term temp jobs in office settings. This will give you that needed experience on that resume. You can then put those companies down on your resume, and since they tend to be bigger, reputable companies, it’s really helpful. I also remember from temping that I made some connections that also said they’d ask around asking if they could help find something for me as well. You meet a ton of people and get a chance to work in a lot of different environments (I temped for an architecture firm, a furniture design firm, a brokerage and the list goes on.) And a lot of places to temp to hire jobs so if you get your foot in the door and show them how amazing you are, they might hire you! 

I know it also seems like you’ll never get to the place you want to be in your career. And I’m not going to lie to you, you will have to spend some time paying your dues and doing some entry level work that you might not love. But if you keep at it and don’t give up on yourself, you can get closer and closer to where you want to be. Invest serious time in your career and put the hard work in, and you will eventually be working towards a better job! Cassie and I were both just talking about how we’re both finally in places where we’re happy and satisfied and working up in the world. It wasn’t always easy, but we did it. 

I also know what it is like to be shy and feel so horrible at making new friends and meeting new people. I would suggest a couple of things to meet people in a new city. 1) try to live with roommates. search craigslist to see if there are room openings, preferably with people who have lived there for a while. chances are they already have a community that you can join and meet people that way. it’s a really good way to ease yourself into finding your own people and growing your circle in a new place. and it’s nice to share utilities and that stuff with people. living alone can be really overwhelming at first with all that adult paying your own bills bs.  2) say yes to more stuff than you might want to do. when coworkers invite you for drinks after work, say yes! when someone invites you to their play or show or club softball game just say yes! it’s so hard when you’re shy, but you can do it! (obviously this doesn’t apply to people or situations that make you weary or uncomfortable so also listen to your gut) 3) go do things on your own too. find out what’s going on like festivals, concerts, or whatever you like to do. You’ll meet people. It’s so hard, but you will! 

I’ll leave you with this. My first year living away from home as a non student was the hardest year of my life. I was broke, working a shit job that paid next to nothing. I would often have to choose between eating and paying rent. My lights got shut off once because I couldn’t pay my electric bill. I didn’t have a lot of friends in the city and was very lonely and questioned every day why I’d moved away and taken the job. I don’t say this to scare you or to tell you this will be your situation. I didn’t plan very well and was so eager to get away that I made some rash, poorly thought through decisions. But I’m also so grateful for that year. I learned so much about money management, hard work, being an adult, and myself. And I wouldn’t tell myself to do it any differently, because I pushed through and because I did, I now have this amazing and unexpected life in a city I love with beautiful friends. If I could do it, I know you can too! 

We believe in you. And please, come ask us for any advice or encouragement at anytime! I hope this helped to point you in the right direction!  

xxxx Candice