#but like I really do love writing!! I am just feeling very bleh about what I am able to make recently

[blurglesmurfklaine]

I will not be annoying on main I will not be annoying on main I will NOT be annoyi—

[shiftylinguini]

Fuck I Can't Write Crisis Pack:

@phoebe-delia asked in response to this fun lil ask game:

Do you have any advice for getting out of a slump/getting writing confidence back? . (for the ask anything) Do you have any advice for getting out of a slump/getting writing confidence back?

Now THIS. This is a good question, and something that is very much on my mind and has been for a while, as I am currently absolutely in the midst of this and trying to army crawl my way out. I don't have any magic bullets (is that the saying? idk) but I have been here before and i do have a small arsenal of tips or methods that I find can help me. 

Here is my Fuck I Can't Write Crisis Pack (In no particular order):

Write anything 

This is hardly groundbreaking advice, and it's also the hardest thing to actually do (imo) so do not beat yourself up if it takes a while to get to this. Basically, write ANYTHING―it can be aimless, it can be pointless, it can be crap (crap is subjective!! don't let the brain gremlins win!!). 

Don't think about posting it, don't worry about anyone else ever reading it, just fling a few words onto a page and feel the rusty faucet turn on, proving to yourself that it still works. 

Try and sus out what it is that's blocking you 

Again this one is hard and annoying but functional. Once you can put your finger on the particular reason you're staring at a flashing black line on a blank page it can help you kick that reason off your lawn and into the bin. 

And then, take it out of the bin and be kind to yourself about whatever that reason is. Maybe you feel shit because you're comparing yourself to others, your last fic felt like a lead balloon, you can't muster enthusiasm for what you once loved doing and fear that it's gone forever, you're projecting in a Tumblr post―whatever it is, it's something all the writers you admire and aspire to be like have felt, and been annoyed with themselves for, and so you can wrap it up in a blanket and put it on a shelf and be kind to it so it, (respectfully) shuts the fuck up. 

(and remember, everyone feels insecure about their stuff. Like literally everyone, at some stage, feels like their stuff is rubbish)

Cheat on your OTP 

Okay this one might not work for everyone, but it really does for me lol. Ruts (not the sexy kind) can often come with not wanting to engage in my usual ships, being annoyed by my lack of ability to fucking write them/anything/all my ideas taste like cardboard/bleh, and stepping out on them and reading something new can snap me out of it. Just, an injection of new ideas or scenarios or words or even just a little reprieve from being fed up with myself, which ideally, is why we're all here anyway. 

(And then I come crawling back, and am welcomed with open arms haha)

In a similar vein:

Engage in media 

This subtitle is genuinely terrible, i am sorry, LMAO, but essentially: find a piece of media that makes you go "oh, helLO sailor", unhinge your jaw like a snake, and consume it whole. 

Let it nourish you, inspire you, excite you, making you feel SOMETHING, and then take that and think "fuck, what if i wrote bleepbloopblarp" and even if you write nary a single word, you've thought about it and that fucking counts. 

It might be an album, a book, a song, a show, gifs of a hot person, the wikipedia summary of a movie, literally anything counts here if it makes you feel a twinge of creativity. 

Ask yourself, what would Astolat do? 

No for real. @candybarrnerd and I genuinely use this haha.  

Worried your idea is stupid? Astolat would say write it. 

Worried it's too weird? Nah, just write it. 

It's dumb and no one will read it? Just write it for you *waggles eyebrows* (and then find out that yeah, nah, someone else will absolutely read this and be real fucking happy about it haha.)

Worried you're a one trick pony and have already written this fic before, like, and not even once before, and also you're projecting again in Tumblr post? WRITE IT AGAIN! As Astolat once said, "it's a fic so nice, I wrote it thrice". 

It's good advice. 

Make a friend or lean hard on the ones you have here

Misery loves company because it knows they'll come out of this together :). I know, I know, that's fucking NAFF, but fandom is all about finding like-minded freaks and blowing up their DMs because you saw a gif and now feel a kind of ways about it. 

And lastly: 

FUCK STATS! 

I mean I love stats (yay validation!), but god can they make you feel like a worthless shit (hey where did my validation go :((( ). It can be really insidious, so piss that right off when it starts to fuck with your confidence or outlook on your own writing.

Hopefully there is something useful here, even if it's just looking at this advice and thinking "no that's shit, it's writing POISON" cos then you can maybe do the version you think is NOT shit, and that might work. 

Good luck, fellow travelers!!

[phoenix-bleh]

I hope your requests open again soon because reading this:

https://www.tumblr.com/phoenix-bleh/744341108818165760/ouuguhhhh-butter-roll-headcannons-please-i-need?source=share

Gave me an idea for the most adorable casual kidnapping ever....heck I'll share it now before I forget, that way it can be here chilling in your inbox for when your requests reopen or idk but hope you like it!

Just...butter roll either working via looking through papers or idk and reader just casually walks up to him...hugs him and nuzzles him before grabbing his hand and just....casually walking off with him. Like y/n is like 'I love you...come on, you're coming with me'. Like very sweet and casual. Lol! That's how y/n could 'kidnap him'..

Bonus:

Two ideas of possible responses my mind came up with buuut wanna see your actual one but just sharing for funsies!!

1.

Butter roll: aaaaaah....I'm being kidnapped...

*says it in a calm voice...but gives hand a squeeze as a sign of 'I love you.'*

2.

Butter roll: oh! My favorite type of kidnapping! So where are we going, my scientific wonder? Restaurant? Home? I can't wait!

*little smooch for y/n.*

OOOO WHAT GOOD IDEA

ok so I thought it might go something like this-

Butter Roll just casually checking his papers and writing down notes of anything really.

Then you come in and you give him a hug from behind. He looks behind him to see you “Oh hello y/n! do you need something?” he asked you. You look up at him and nodded with a big old smile on your face

“Mhm! i’m here to take you away!” you grab his arm and started pulling him with you “You’re coming with me!”

Now it would be funny if you just straight up told him you were kidnapping him and he’d be like oh ok well this is happening!

Or he’d be like awww am i your first victim oh im flattered and he just comes along with you.

obviously you don’t plan on doing anything bad with him just taking him somewhere….but you love him so it’s ok<3

Mostly thinks you’re too sweet to kidnap but you’re testing your skills on HIM?? he’s honored. He feels appreciated you’re thinking about him.

“Oh! where are we going? Well whatever it is I’m sure it’s gonna be so much fun!”

If you don’t tell him you’re trying to kidnap him he’d just grab onto your hand as well and assume you’re taking him somewhere or just trying to show him something.

You take him to your basement and he’s looking at you confused and you’re looking at him with a grin on your face. He slowly turns to your basement with a disturbed look on his face.

and then he realizing what’s happening….

“OH! you want to have a sleepover! oh what fun!”

[toointojoelmiller]

🦒🦋🦒hello tumblr people 🦋🦒🦋

just dropping a lil personal note which feels weird but

I can't make gifs on my current computer set up which makes me sad lol. it was so fun. I am also missing writing and posting my lil fics sooo much. ur girl is strugglin

and it's extremely hard for me to make progress on writing right now. I'm still swimmin my way through the constant chronic stress fog and PTSD shit and I am doing ~*~Better*~* in that I'm medicated and not actively crying 24/7 and I'm going to work full time again, but the coping is a struggle, the executive dysfunction is a struggle, the getting up to walk around if I'm not at work is a struggle, and work is about as demanding as it has been which uh, not chill. ... lots more I don't even feel like complaining about cause the bottom line is it all sucks ass lmao. you get the jist.

Please understand that my stories aren't abandoned, I pick away at them every night, I literally fantasize about being able to have the time to write enough to be making faster progress. I am so excited for where they are going and I have so much planned, and i just.. my brain noodle got cooked for too long.

my job involves pretty regular exposure to vicarious trauma and straight ass trauma ... so writing traumatic fic is hard sometimes too. (even tho I love it lol and sometimes it feels like therapy)

long story short, I am very good at twisting myself up in knots over what i imagine another person might feel and I know a lot of people have loyally followed please don't go and enjoyed it. I loved getting to interact so much and update so frequently, it was a huge source of fun and happiness for me that i loved for months and months! so I miss it, and it really sucks to feel like I'm leaving people hanging now.

but right now I just really need to focus on making sure i get don't get depressed again (mentally ill ones will know🤘) .

and I'm also very particular and when I rush out a chapter I never like how it turned out so.. I'm not gonna do that anymore. bleh. so... picture my future updates like a very small slug... very far away... crawlin but like give it a while

[spurious]

fic writer 20 questions

I was tagged by @alienfuckeronmain & @nimuetheseawitch to do this one!

How many works do you have on AO3? 108. I need to add some ficlets to my collection but I've been slacking a bit on that, so.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 274,716

What fandoms do you write for? Star! Gate! At! Lan! Tis! The hyperfixation is strong ok. It's the thing that shook loose my half-decade dormant desire and ability to write, so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. Twenty Questions, 248 kudos 2. Ink and Wings, 221 kudos 3. Five Times Rodney (and John) Visit the Millers, 190 kudos 4. Solitary in a Wide Flat Space, 163 kudos 5. Abercrombie & Rodney, 151 kudos

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I really try to!!! One of the things that was not good about posting all my ficlets onto AO3 in quick succession was ending up with more comments than I could handle, so now I have a...backlog. Getting comments makes me feel so good though, and I just...want to honor the effort made with some of my own in return? Idk, I've talked about this a fair bit in a handful of posts but I'm just really not used to the amount of interaction I get in SGA fandom and I still feel.......very blessed lmao. Bleh sincerity on main how gross

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? We Are Standing On the Edge, a Jin/Kame fic about a road trip and the apocalypse which I wrote for @merionettes in a fic exchange in 2010.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of my fics either have happy endings or implied happy endings? I like making good things happen to the characters I love so much. Sometimes after making bad things happen to them, but. At any rate, O I Think We Should Be Brethren is my personal happiest ending because of how long and hard a journey it is to get there.

Do you get hate on fics? I got a hate comment once, on the (in)famous Kanjani Cannibalism Fic.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Do I ever! I like to write kinky sex as a means of exploring and facilitating vulnerability. I also like to write blowjobs.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I've never written a crossover! ..............I don't think, at least.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I am aware of.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! A couple of my Johnny's fics have been translated into Russian and Chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not to completion.

What’s your all time favorite ship? Yokohina, Sakura/Syaoran, McShep...don't make me choose between my children like this??? Sakura/Syaoran literally invented romance for my teenage self, like I am not kidding at how formative of a ship that was for me in my life. Also why I started learning Japanese, so. Yokohina will forever be beloved to me in the same way that Kanjani8 will forever be beloved to me, in a way that is (literally) tattooed into my flesh, in a way that influenced my life massively, in so many aspects. I will never not be thirsty for the two of them saying weirdly romantic things about each other in public forums, for them being the solid foundation upon which their group is built. For Yoko being a pigtail-pulling twelve year old boy towards Hina even as they're in their mid-forties. AND THEN THERE'S FUCKING MCSHEP. A ship that I knew about when it was popular and brushed off as an Any Two White Guys, Migratory Slash Fandom Thing. A ship that, when my wife and I started watching SGA, we said "haha wouldn't it be so funny if we ended up being all in on mcshep?" A ship that resonates in my heart in the most bizarrely intense way and shook loose the desire to write and create from its atrophied place in the back of my head. I love them. I hate them. They're perfect.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have about 25k of a later-years yokohina friends to FWB to lovers fic that I wish I could finish but the McShep brainrot is.........so strong. On the other hand, never say never?

What are your writing strengths? haha so much harder to answer this than weaknesses!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I can write good funny dialogue, which is amazing to me because when I started writing my dialogue was horrendous, just absolutely awful and stilted and I hated writing it so much! like it was a running joke between me and my best friend at the time that I could not write anything that sounded even remotely natural or like real human speech. guess that shows that practice makes perfect or whatever? idk.

What are your writing weaknesses? endings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ensemble casts/scenes with more than two people in them. plots more complex than simple romantic contrivance.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? nah. It always feels a bit fanfiction.net anime fandom to me?

First fandom you wrote for? speaking of fanfiction.net anime fandom....I wrote Sakura/Syaoran angstfic into a notebook when I was 13. The first things that I actually shared with other people were either Harry Potter or the fics I wrote about the boys at my church who were just unnecessarily homoerotic with each other in the way that only teenage church boys can be (iykyk)

Favorite fic you’ve written? guess. 🙃

Tagging: @sga-owns-my-soul @stargayatlantis @hearteyesmcgarrett @texasdreamer01

[feyascorner]

First off, I just gotta GUSH about how much I literally love your writings and all the little hc and tiny ideas you spit out on your blog~~ so much that you are actually one of the reasons I decided to pick up writing fanfic again and of course (Astarion is a literally, gem to write about)

I would like some advice if that is alright. How exactly do you get into the writing mood? I posted a chapter of a fic I am working on, but I seem to be in a slump right now. This is due to two things: I constantly feel this pressure while writing that it simply isn't as good as the fics I read myself, and I start to question whether or not I am actually doing well expressing the fic itself.

The second is, do you ever start listening to songs and get all these different scenarios you start planning on in your head, but when you try to write it, it just turns out to be bleh or nowhere near what you pictured in your mind? How do you manage to deal with that?

Thank you so much, and also so sorry for literally ranting/venting about this lol I think I just hold you in very high regard :)

Hello friend!! I'm so happy you decided to start writing again! It’s definitely a challenge sometimes w so much time that goes into it but it’s also very satisfying to watch it all come together :)

My writing process is a little more messy than it should be to be honest…i either just start writing for no apparent reason, daydream a lot throughout the day, but I think the most common occurrence is that I play the actual game and it just inspires me since I'm constantly talking to the actual character! It’s totally okay to be in a slump, it happens too often to me too. And as for feeling like your writing isn't good enough, please know that no matter how many fics there are yours is unique as your own. There's nothing like your own writing and it’s all the more reason to post it! And remember that writing is ultimately for your own satisfaction and nobody else’s! If you don't enjoy it there's no point! So try not to second guess yourself (I do this too but there really is no need to worry :)) if it helps I like to make some program read what I wrote out loud! It helps me catch mistakes and it makes me more confident in what I'm putting out so this might help you too <3

And yes I think it’s a universal author thing where you have so many thoughts but it just..doesnt work on paper? It’s the most frustrating thing ever but what I do is write JUST the dialogue first! I've seen this advice on other pages but if I write only the dialogue it’s harder to get stuck somewhere with description or actions. And if you like the way the dialogue came out you can just fill out the rest after :)

There's no need to apologize! I love that people trust me enough to ask for advice because I know how difficult writing can be…youre doing great just by writing a few words! Good luck I hope this helped even a little bit! ❤️

[xsezzie]

Profile Tag Game

Hello: My name is Sezzie, I know I can be rather blunt and robotic at times, but I promise you I don’t wish to intentionally hurt you. I am always open to having a chat whether it be in my DMs or through asks.

Chat: Tickling - Of course I like tickling, no shame in that. It’s completely normal… some people get flustered by it? Oh well, those people are the cutest~ Hm? You aren't cute? Well, I guess someone will need some tickles to convince them otherwise!

Chat: Identity - I wonder who I was yesterday, who I’ll be today, and what I’ll be tomorrow… I wish I knew who I was.

Chat: Masking - That thing I just did now, it was incorrect. I will be sure to act correctly in accordance with societal norms next time. If I do not act correctly then others will become disgusted or angry... Just as I would if you were to do the same.

When It Rains: Ugh, this would be nicer if it was at night time…

After the Rain: Everything either looks really clean or really dirty depending on the area… oh look, the birds are coming back out.

When Thunder Strikes: Ah… so relaxing.

When It Snows: What’s that?

When the Sun Is Out: Everything is as it should be…

When the Wind is Blowing: Ugh, my hair is messed up now…  

Good Morning: Get up already, the world is perfect at this hour. The bad people don’t come out until later so it’s best to enjoy it while it lasts! 

Good Afternoon: So hungry… must do my best to not eat a big meal…

Good Evening: Better get inside… they will be coming out soon.

Good Night: The optimal sleeping hours for those who suffer from depression are 10pm to 5am. Setting yourself a strict bed time will do wonders for your mental health, so hurry along, time for sleep.

About Sezzie: Alphabet - A fellow neurodivergent coworker taught me to think of all my disorders as “my alphabet”… so my alphabet currently is GAD, MDD and BPD… with ASD and ADHD in the process of being diagnosed.

About Sezzie: Writing - I actually hate that I’m the writer in the family and cannot physically draw. But, having a high literacy IQ certainly comes in handy when I’m creating. I’m glad people are able to feel my writing when I put the effort into it.

Something to Share: Name - My real name means “princess” apparently… I hope I don’t come off as one.

Interesting Things: Senses - Ah I love exploring sensory things. Honestly, I believe that feeling sensory pleasure is very soothing and not always supposed to be NSFW as most see it.

Sezzie’s Hobbies: Each of my personalities seems to have different hobbies, but if had to take a guess on the true me… writing, worldbuilding, and video games would be on top! I do also enjoy learning new things and gardening.

Sezzie’s Troubles: My existence troubles me… too dark? Well, deal with it. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows, and I’m tired of coddling the special ones.

Favourite Food: I do not have the ability to have a favourite food due to my sensory eating issues… my addictions and interests change constantly. Ah but if there is one I’ll always come back to… Chicken Kievs hehe

Least Favourite Food: All of them! I like the art of food but eating? Bleh. I wish we didn’t have to.

About @otomiyaa: Ahhh she is my idol! I have been following her for years.. and only recently got the courage to begin talking to her more. I get nervous and think I come off as some weird fan that thinks they are friends with their idols. Forgive me Otomiya-SAMA!!

About @ticklystuff: He is the first person I began talking to when I joined the community. I feel like I owe him something for all the kindness and chats we have had together. I wish I could talk more often about hot MEN with him hehe

About @ticklish-n-stuff: Sakura-chan is one of the few people I can let my guard down and show my more "embarrassing" or "fangirl" sides to when it comes to characters I like. I am grateful to have her in my life. She also gushes about MEN with me and we have a blast discussing tickling.

About @nataliewritez: Nat is my adorable little sister and is a joy to chat to about anything. I can't believe we have known each other for nearly 2 years already!

About @fanfic-chan: Dessie is so adorable and such a comfy person to be around! Also the biggest lee ever hehe

About @ticklygiggles: Little does she know how cute she is. Perhaps I should go tease her sometime soon...

-

Tagging @fanfic-chan @nataliewritez @ticklish-n-stuff @ticklystuff @italeean @thatonetickleblog @anzynai @stopiteatpopcorn

[only-by-the-stars]

Hiiiii, Star ♥️💖💓💗💘 Could I get 4, 9, 12, 13, 19 and 21 for the hater ask meme, please? <3 I hope you're thriving <33

hiiiiii <333 I am trying to, hope you are!

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

it honestly doesn't tend to take much, I block with impunity if someone's being annoying/a jerk/both. this has happened with multiple z*link trolls, sigh. (and some of the irritating Mipha fans too, because not all of them appreciate her like I do. there are definitely some weird misogynist ones out there, and you should absolutely picture me yelling "YOU'RE NOT AFFILIATED WITH ME!" at them like Mr. Incredible.)

9. worst part of canon

Mipha being dead in the main timeline. TotK's entire fucking plot. Mipha not getting to fight in the cutscenes in AOC. just. everything to do with the Gerudo and Nintendo's racist handling of them. Valkyrie Profile 2's entire fucking plot. Star Ocean 3's entire fucking plot. WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL OF THAT??? whatever is going on with Chrono Cross' plot. shows getting prematurely cancelled.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MIPHA IS SO UNDERRATED, SHE HAS TONS OF POTENTIAL THAT NINTENDO SET UP BUT DIDN'T FULFILL AND HAS MORE TO HER STORY THAN JUST HER ROMANCE WITH LINK AND PEOPLE NEED TO BE LESS DISMISSIVE OF HER JUST BECAUSE OF HER FEELINGS FOR HIM!!!

honestly there are so many under-loved female characters I love that should get more love ;~;

13. worst blorboficiation

again, gonna cheat and say any time an underwritten male character is prioritized over all others, and female characters are dismissed/ignored

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

nothing I can think of

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

whoo. bat, meet hornet's nest.

Zelda turning into a dragon. I did not shed a single tear, yo. only thing my eyes were doing was ROLLING.

(BOTW Zelda herself. I don't hate her, and I see potential in both her flaws and good points that canon didn't deliver on, but sorry fans, she is not the deepest most nuanced best written female character ever and being meh on her doesn't mean I hate female characters with personality. she's not even the best female character in the series, and the writing I've seen for ladies in other franchises blows her away. please play some games with better writing and get some higher standards. this is addressed not to people who merely like her, ftr, but the people who look at the crumbs Nintendo has given us and treat it like the feast of all feasts, top tier video game character development.)

fucking. Sephiroth. he's not a terrible villain, but I always liked Kefka and Kuja more for Final Fantasy villains.

(actually FF7 in general just doesn't do it for me the way other entries in the series do. like, it's good! but I don't ADORE it the way I do IX, VI, VIII, and V.)

*whispers* Ancient Cistern, a little? like, it was cool, but it's no Arbiter's Grounds or Snowpeak Ruins, for me. doesn't help that I put down the game in a fit of rage when the wack controls made me have a Very Bad Time with the boss and I haven't gone back to try and beat it.

so there's this book that got hyped up as being really good and I see people rave about it still and I tried it. and. I hated it??? I don't get it??? it was called The Eyre Affair and I do not see why people loved it. bleh.

[whentherewerebicycles]

WHAT a handsome boy!!!! perfect face perfect ears perfect little guy. today was a High Fatigue day for me despite sleeping 10 hours last night. I did manage to drag myself off the sofa for a very slow 40 min walk but by the end I was like uh will I have to crawl home I’m so tired I don’t know if I can make it. I think I probably need to be eating more protein but I still can’t really get myself to cook with meat… I find it gross to prepare and I don’t always enjoy the taste of it in my food. I did buy some protein powder to mix into morning smoothies though so maybe that will help, and as I cook more I can add more tofu to stuff. three good things I did today:

I finished a book, read half of another one, and then got 140 pages into a third one! I knew today was going to be a lying-around day but I didn’t want to spend it all on my phone as the news is horribly depressing and I always feel worse when I just scroll all day. I am going to get to 75 books for the year for sure but I can definitely make it to 80 if I just get into a good reading habit.

I signed up for a weight circuit training class at this little gym three minutes away from my house. they said they can help me modify stuff for pregnancy as I get further along. I’ve been feeling pretty bad about pregnancy weight gain—I know it’s a natural healthy unavoidable part of pregnancy, but I worked sooo hard to lose 30 lbs a couple years ago and watching the scale creep back up has been making me feel bleh, especially when I’m struggling to get myself out the door for my daily walks bc of Weariness. I’m hoping a small class structure will help create some accountability and also that having someone tell me what to do will make it easier to just do it. I want to do everything I can to get into good shape now so maybe there’s less wear and tear on my body during pregnancy + the recovery period is easier. plus I always feel good about my body when I’m consistently exercising regardless of my weight, so I have a feeling if I’m working out regularly I won’t be as in my head about the weight gain.

I made my 100th recipe in 2023! I think the nausea has mostly passed over so I’m trying to recommit to cooking healthy meals, both because it’s good for me (more vegetables!) and because idk I find cooking very soothing but it’s easy to forget that when you slip out of the habit for a bit. kind of like reading lol.

anyway other than that I snuggled with the dogs a lot and enjoyed the lazy day… god I love a holiday break I can’t wait till christmas. tomorrow I have to draft a rec letter and would like to write a bit!

[hellboundhimbo]

MORE JOJ GIRLS joanna's design isn't creative at all with the exception of her dress. like its deadass just jonathans outfit. REASON FOR THIS BEING a lot of my thoughts on her are less abt her design and more abt what her story could be. strap in fellas its time for an Unhinged JoJo Rant courtesy of tumblr user hellboundhimbo.

now i already touched a bit on the subject here, but boy howdy if she still doesn't live in my head rent free. since writing said post, I've had a brain blast in the form of an epiphany that, what if all those concepts, but she's TRANS. i know, i'm a genius (read also: stupid gay idiot). t4t jonaeri, anyone?

i wanted her design to reflect the journey of coming into her own, and finding her own definition of womanhood. at the beginning of PH, she wears very traditionally victorian clothing. long dresses, corsets, those big ass hats, the whole sha bang. over the course of the story, however, she realizes she doesn't need to conform to societal standards to be "worthy" of the title of woman, so she begins to dress in ways she wants to, or is practical for that specific situation. i wanted to make it a point that while she lets her hair down, she never cuts it or is like "EW EARRINGS BLEH' cuz like. femininity isn't her enemy!! its the patriarchal standards that enforce such a rigid, static form of it onto people!!

when it comes to the trans aspect of her story, I thought long and hard about how to go about it cuz like. i'm trans masc myself, and the last thing i'd want to do is try to infuse transness into a story and have it feel like a redundant, shitty commentary that intrudes on the narrative or smth. i think I've come up with a good idea of where to go with it, though.

i think joanna probably came out sometime in her early teen years, around 13-15, but started questioning around the time she met erina, (haven't come up w a name for him yet, if yall have any ideas feel free to shout em.) who came out much earlier, like 9 or so. just like the idea of joanna being like "omg wow u changed ur gender wow that's so crazy haha doesn't everyone feel that way tho" and erina's like. no???? they don't????

anyway once joanna came out lady joestar was like "ok fine u can trans ur gender BUT you gotta be a lady." which sucks cuz no more rugby but fuck it we ball (or I guess. not. ball.) she struggles a lot with being a poised debutante cuz shes like 6'5 and rich dudes don't really like it when their dance partners could chuck them to the colonies with one arm but fuck them. rest of the story remains mostly unchanged, blah blah blah dio blah blah stone mask blah blah you know the drill ANYWAY speedwagon's first appearance is when we really start making some real impacts on joanna's character, with some definite parallels being drawn between joanna, who was lucky enough to be rich and accepted by her family (for the most part,,,) and speedwagon, who lives in the slums with no family to speak of. by proxy, some parallels to dio as well (she'll get her own ramble when I post her design in 284738374 years), because phantom blood sets up so much for a conversation about classism that we see so little of :( love phantom blood tho dgmw

also you can bet your sweet ass that hamon is becoming a metaphor for queer liberation.

don't wanna divulge too much about it cuz like I am hoping to write something about this at some point but,,, big Thoughts here trust me bro.

to address the elephant in the room, how does joanna got honkers if there was no hormone therapy in victorian times? hamon doubles as hrt. if araki's allowed to pull new hamon capabilities out of his ass every 5 seconds, so am I. it works for the metaphor too but like that's less funny.

[alexenglish]

ao3 wrapped (alexenglish edition)

stole this ask meme with the intent of using it as a writing retrospect! please enjoy if you enjoy.

fic round-up ♡ AO3 ♡ writing tag

How many words have you written this year? give or take 60-75k, i'm honestly not sure how many words i have between all my wip docs... my wip folder for my one published wip has three or so docs dedicated to graveyard and rewritten work. i'm suffering profoundly, but i am persevering - i think.

How many works did you publish this year? 5 individual ao3 works, and a short prompt collection with prompt ficlets from twitter.

did notice i feel limited while filling twitter prompts (character restriction, screenshotting, additional character restriction for alt text after screen shots bleh) - my fills are about half the word count of what i would usually do if i was on tumblr, so i think i will be bringing writing short prompts back to the good ol' askbox here.

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? without question, my favorite fic from this year is if you let me i might say too much (2min, t, 8.5k). i accidentally wrote a fic with such a lovely, strong sense of identity. some of my best setting and backgrounding work. just a tight little short story that i adore. i'm beyond happy with it and love the way readers love her as well!

What work of yours has the most hits? & let me kiss you (binsung, t, ch1/2 14.7k) ✊😔

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? probably & let me kiss you! really delighted that people are still leaving comments on it and hoping it'll continue (me too!) haven't gotten any demanding or pushy comments to continue it, just a lot of gentle appreciation, which i'm grateful for hehe

Favorite title you used the mouth of the sun (chanlix, e, 10.7k). i found this phrasing in my poetry tag (where i go when i don't have a song lyric to use). when i looked it up, the real poem might be 'the mountain of the sun' - though i didn't investigate very far past the first few search results. i shrugged my shoulders and thought: 'mouth' is better.

i love 'mouth of the sun' as a combination of a lot of things: felix as skz's sunshine, felix as chan's sun - sunshine, happiness, the dizzying center of his own universe & the toxic ways that manifests for them in the fic - the icarus metaphor i used in fic, this idea of flying too close to the sun & how chan uses it to illustrate how his desire is obvious to those around them and it burns him with how he willingly gets close to felix; the way he flew too close to the sun when he propositioned felix before the events of the fic and got rejected. then the icarus metaphor more largely in the truth and in vinos veritas themes of the fic: the mouth of the sun, literally felix's mouth, that can't stop speaking and chan flying too closely by asking felix to elaborate on his awful truths, burning himself over and over again because he's desperate to know more in the moment and after, during the scene where felix is sober.

If you use song lyrics, which artist's songs did you pull from the most? used lyrics from all different artists, but excited to announce the planned sequel to & let me kiss you also is a 1d lyric title, and the decided series name is, you guessed it, also a 1d lyric <3

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? binsung! my binsung! my best and favorite boys~

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? again, binsung

What work was the quickest to write? one plus one equals one (jilix, t, 2.1k) - this actually started as a twitter fic thread for their bdays, but i'm nothing if not a wordy bitch, but i knocked it out in like 4 hours which was great!

What work took you the longest to write? i started &lmky in... february 2022... maybe... and published chapter one in may, because i am a fool, and it's still not done so! excited to see if i can complete it before it turns a year old (may, NOT feb)

How many WIP's do you have in your docs for next year? technically only two - &lmky and the sequel! my teeth and ambitions are not bared. keep expectations low and everything else is a nice surprise.

What's your longest work of the year? & let me kiss you, queen

What's your shortest work of the year? one plus one equals one

What's your most common "Additional Tags" tag? "canon compliant" (in the way that 'canon' is working knowledge of idol life and not in the 'this is definitely real' way, thanks)

Your favorite character to write this year? jisung is super fun and easy for me in a lot of ways and his ships are my faves, but i really loved writing chan for the mouth of the sun, there's something so diabolical about getting to write an overly sympathetic unreliable narrator who is actually the cause of Problems. most readers will not see that at all (and they did not), but writing him was [chef's kiss]

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? my povs were very easy, but minho in &lmky is the most unwieldy motherfucker. he's not in chapter 1, but all my chapter 2 angst stems directly from the fact that he and jisung have the most whack conversations that i have to redact and rewrite because they're serving NO purpose. can't wait to get him laid in the sequel, maybe he'll calm down.

What's one pairing you want to explore next year? hyunho is the ship for the famed &lmky sequel, and it's gunna be so fucking glorious. i might be looking forward to it more than i am looking forward to finishing &lmky (mostly because i'm at the point with &lmky that's like DEAR GOD WHEN WILL I BE INSPIRED versus the hyunho barely exists so i'm floating on my back in the glittering pool of imagination about it)

Which work of yours have you reread the most? if you let me i might say too much, she really is my beloved!

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 961, and i'm eating them ALL. i am warm and well fed! 🥰🥰🥰

Which work has the most comments? proud of myself for remembering to check the comment thread stat and not just look at the total number and divide by two: & let me kiss you

Did you do any collaborative works this year? @clarz and I co-wrote a beautiful and wonderful secret gift for @sodapopblues and it was easily the most fun i had writing all year!

Did you write any gifts this year? this is probably the first year i didn't gift a fic to someone on ao3 wow! did previously mentioned collab with clara for erin, and did record my very first podfic for clara for her birthday, i love u clara mwah

Did you receive any gifts this year? my lovely excellent and highly talented friend @unseelie-siren/ @pxssnelke was SICK and did a pod of & let me kiss you and completely surprised me, AND wrote two banger fics for me: i just make it easy (minbin, e, 3k) and big things come in small packages (changjun, t, 2.6k). i hope my muse is up to task this year so i can give a little back to fae for faer's kindness 😘

What's your most common category? M/M

What do you listen to while writing? Study Music Alpha Waves: Relaxing Studying Music, Brain Power, Focus Concentration Music, ☯161

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? hands down, the studio kiss scene at the end of the first chapter of & let me kiss you. the tension. that changbin. it's crazymaking. i'm obsessed with that changbin above all else.

Biggest surprise while writing this year? writing chanlix! despite being my first skz ship, i'm largely neutral on their dynamic - and then disparaging of the way it tends to manifest in fic - so it's moved out of even my top 10 skz ships. my personal meta about them has always been trying to dig into the stuff i feel is deeply out of sync in their dynamic, which is what compels me but never really enough, until felix basically tackled chan and gave him a footrub and then immediately abandoned him when changbin interrupted, and THEN i saw a bunch of weird and whack discourse about how felix doesn't top chan (HA! HA!), that i was like ah i simply must write a subversive fic within a trope i've been eager to write for awhile (sex pollen is among my good friend quinn @fleetwooded's favorite tropes! i wanted to take a swing at it). at first it was only going to be a love triangle, maybe with a hopeful ending, but as soon as it started i realized there was a thread of bad feelings i had to follow through to the end and i'm very happy i did.

THE END! feel free to steal this idea, since i stole it, and if you steal it and do a little retrospect yourself, feel free to send it to me/ tag me! love everyone's writing thoughts mwah!

[veliseraptor]

for the fic meme, would love to hear about 😎 and/or 📗

What fics do you prefer on a scale of canon compliant to wildly original?

I tend to read mostly canon divergent or canon compliant fics - these days often canon divergent so that my favorite characters get to live (womp womp) but canon compliant is also good for me. I prefer fics overall where maybe one major event or outcome gets tweaked and then exploring the ripple effects of that change; when alterations start to get too drastic such that the characters drift way away from their original context, I tend to get less interested, because as I think I've said before often a lot of what I like about a character has to do with their context and how it shapes/impacts them. change the context, change the character, I'm somewhat likely to be less interested because now it's a different character and that's not what I read fanfiction for. I like fanfiction for exploring different scenarios, or different facets of a character, but the point at which they feel transformed beyond recognition for me I lose interest.

this is why I tend to not read a lot of modern/non-magic aus for fantasy settings (with the weird exception of yi city, still don't know what that's about), but also don't read a lot of genre aus (i.e. sci-fi/fantasy/royalty/etc.). if things feel pulled too far outside of the canon setting/context it starts to feel less like reading fanfiction and more like reading something, well, original - and that's just not the what I go to fanfiction for.

however, that can also go for canon divergent aus if the divergence is significant enough or in a place to drastically change something about a character. it just depends on how likely that change feels to change the character at core as opposed to bringing out a new side of them; it's why I'm not actually terribly interested in aus where Xue Yang is saved/rescued off the streets as a kid, particularly if it happens pre-hand maiming.

there are exceptions, of course! I'm speaking purely in generalities.

Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

puts face in hands. yes, yes I do, periodically I stare wistfully at my own original project and then I get scared off by my nemesis (worldbuilding) and the fact that I have to figure out a bunch of things that are proving difficult to untangle in order to make a premise I really like with characters I'm already very fond of work. I'll - get back to it at some point, or at least I really hope so.

until then I've kind of accepted that this is just kind of what I like to do and I might as well do what I am enjoying regardless of the little hissing voice that tells me I should be trying harder to do my real writing (bleh).

oh I do also periodically enjoy writing overly verbose essays about things. it doesn't happen all that often but I do it sometimes and I enjoy it a fair amount when I can pull my brain together for it

[stevebabey]

I'm the first anon, thank you so much for understanding. I have those feelings for months now and I'm going crazy lmao.

I wish I could get into character x character stuff, but unfortunately, my stupid brain loves to consume stuff through self insert, so x reader is my preferred outlet for everything :/ I just feel like I don't belong anywhere in this fandom rn in terms of content creation. I'm not into most x reader stuff and I like to explore more character things, but I also don't really belong in there because I'm not a shipper.

It's just so frustrating to see, and the other anon was right. The tiktokification of media and fandoms in general is insane to watch. Like I saw a tiktok that complained that the Poppy War by Rf Kuang was boring because it had no spice. M'am, this is a book about war? 😭 Or, like everything is described in tropes (that's a problem for books, not fanfic per se) for fast consumption, the plot doesn't matter if certain scenarios are not ticked off. Not to mention AI and things like characterAI where people just get quickly what they want without using really their imagination (plus them not caring that this is stealing from real people).

And yeah, the whole minor part. It's insane to tell 12 year olds, that virgins write the best stuff. I'm reading and writing fics since I was 14, and I'm "lucky" I wasn't really exposed to those things until I was 16. English isn't my first language, so fanfics were a bit limited, I guess (plus having a very nieche interest that didn't reach international fame and fandom). Also, I mostly consumed stuff from friends I know irl and we had a few spicy scenes because we were curious, but we never got exposed to hardcore smut. I'm not saying there should be no smut at all, everyone is free to express themselves. It's a problem if the fandom is only that because it creates a space not everyone has access to or gets messed up. Fandom is community and everyone should feel welcome. If I was a minor and all writer blogs tell me to fuck off because they only write mature things, idk if I would even wanna stay. Which is also another problem because fandoms die out so quickly as it is.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this exactly because you already said everything and I agree with you. <33

omg you say you don't know where you're going with this but brought up so many good POINTS

you're not crazy and you're definitely not the only one feeling that way!! i understand completely and it's infuriating that the topic of it is almost tongue in cheek in this fandom and lots of people feel they would be better off biting their tongue than expressing that frustration ://

character x character is something that takes a hot minute to get into i've found, i've honestly only just gotten into it within the last year or so (because i also struggle with like ocs and the like) but i am a long lover of the self insert i can't even lie <3

but there's like a difference between the way you describe this!! i think you're very much like me and it's like a genuine love for a character that drives your desire for writing self-insert- its like i love this dude so much and i want them to be happy and i want to be that source of happiness, i want to be that first kiss or gentle touch they need :D

andddd that's my problem with so much of the smut-leaning fics. where's the soul!?! where's the driving heart of the story? the best fics are the most self indulgent because you can see the best parts of someone in them !!!!

i'm really sorry that you feel like you don't have a place in this fandom but you do definitely belong here honey- fandom is supposed to be a community and there's no prerequisite to existing here at all and the fact there feels like there are certain amounts you have to succeed in to be a writer is so just bleh

tiktok is a goddam brainrotting place lmao and every day im not on it is a great one! the trope shit is SO true, like the idea that if you can check a few boxes (one of those things being smut) its the thing that makes a piece good instead of how it's written and the passion for the story like ugh and don't even get me started on ai 😭 that is a shitshow in itself and anyone who uses that to write fics or complete other peoples fics are absolute garbage people

the minor thing is yeah completely fucked and you raise SUCH a good point about how it limits the spaces that they can occupy which is so fucking stupid cos how many of us started in fandom at young ages??? everyone should feel welcome! and god the thought of someone trying to so hard to avoid nsfw content but just to have it shoved down their throat in every other post and also having so many writers telling them to fuck off ur so right, i wouldn't wanna stay either!

and it's just so so so sad because there are a thousand people who i WISH would write their ideas, write their fics, whether its bad or good first time around because THAT is the point of fandom. love for the source! new ideas! people's new takes on old tropes over and over :D

ah you opened the floodgate in me.... you didn't ask for advice but truly, write the most self indulgent stuff ever and it can't lead you wrong. i hope the culture of fandom changes and every time you ignore the urge to write for what u think people will like and just write what you want, we all get a little bit closer to that change :")

[redheadbigshoes]

hello… i can’t tell if i’m a bisex with a hyuge preference for women, or a lesb. i’ve had crushes on guys before, but i tend to crush on every male i come across (i went to an all girls school so they were few and far between), plus i only saw these males irl for at MOST 14 days, usually only about 3 days, the rest was online, and i didn’t see them. i’ve been very internalized misogyny and homophobic and always been afraid of/disdainful of lesbians because of falling down the alt right pipeline when i was 10 (out of that now thank gawd). last time i thought i was a lesbian i cried because it made me so upset… but being with a woman long term is sooo much more right than being with a male. this being said, i’ve found a journal entry from when i was 14 detailing how i loved men and how they dress… of course, this was before i got my sex drive (at which time my affection for women became unavoidable), but i do remember feeling very intense admiration writing that. im just… confused. i don’t want to appropriate lesbianism but at the same time i recently had my first kiss with a male (currently a freshman in college), and once i realized he really liked me i just… got so bored. there was nothing wrong with him beyond his pretentiousness and boringness but like. bleh. nothing compared to the girl i like now. i just hate males. sorry, but i do! i cant help it! i’ve had all positive male role models growing up, but i just don’t like to be around most of them long term. but when i am i get obsessed with quite a few them/start “crushing” immediately. what does it all mean ?!?!? im so lost, and afraid of being a lesbian, but disturbed by being a bisexual. it just doesn’t feel right!? but also i am biphobic which complicates everything. argh. ik it doesn’t matter but it does stress me out a little bit (a lot).

Hi. I think you should first question if all those crushes were actually crushes. From what you said it makes sense you (without realizing it) choosing every guy you meet to be your crush, because 1) you were probably taught that girls are supposed to like boys 2) considering you used to go to an all-girls school it also makes sense you immediately trying to find boys you like.

The second question you should ask yourself is: when you think about guys you think you like, whenever you think about them do you feel something positive? Like you feel you could date them, kiss them, perhaps have sex with them? Or maybe you feel a kind of nervousness that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable? If the answer to all those questions is no, you’re probably mistaking finding men attractive with actual attraction.

I went through the same experience you mentioned about the guy you kissed. Whenever I tried dating men the second they showed interest I’d “lose” that interest.

You should read the bisexual manifesto and see if you relate to the experiences there. Try reading the lesbian masterdoc as well (it’s on my pinned post). I posted some videos of a girl talking about comphet and other lesbian experiences here, to watch the other videos you just have to click on the tag #source: patronsaintoflesbians

[taegularities]

Hello, lovely Rid 💕💕

I'm here to ramble to you about your ramble in response to my ramble lmao.

First of all, we really do think alike apparently, because I also checked the wordcount of my feedback before sending it and it's probably the longest one I've ever written and will ever write. Even without all of the quotes it's like over 2k words, I really don't know how to shut up 😭😭😭

Thank you so much for taking so much care to write such a thoughtful response, Rid 🥺🥺🥺 I always love reading your responses to feedback, and not only my own, because everyone points out different things and you give even more insight into the story and your writing process. I can just read about your stories forever, even when it comes to commentary about them.

I watched the mv for 'when you're gone' and I totally agree with you that that scene matches OC's mood in the beginning of the chapter very well 😔😔😔 It also matches the way I was reading the Valentine’s day drabble, smiling at how adorable they were when I knew how we left off in cmi6. I've said it before but I'll say it again, the thing that hurts the most is knowing how happy they're able to make each other and seeing how they're now hurting each other instead 😭😭😭

Also about the rambling to my sister lmao. Cmi is the first fic I've properly talked to her about (she reads fanfic too, just not bts ones) and I was fully ranting to her about how Jungkook was keeping everything in and trying to be strong until he couldn't anymore, and now he's ignoring OC, I don't think I've ever ranted so much even about a real life person lmao. I might have not painted him in the best light because of how mad I was though 😔😔😔 But I probably will just ramble about how cute he is to her later on when everything works out 😌😌😌

Also also everyone has been adding onto the sadness and angst here and I don't know how they do it, because every time I even think about OC with someone else or just them being even sadder I want to cry lmao. But I still love reading everybody adding to the chaos, I can't lie.

Last but definitely not least, I feel like I haven't properly checked in on you in a few days, so how are you doing, Rid? 🥺🥺🥺

I MISSED YOU (she says after just 2 days lol), honestly, i was gonna shoot you an ask today lmao but since you're here, i can just say it now: i hope you're doing well! how's school going? &lt;3

2k even without the quotes? i don't deserve you fr 😭 no but seriously, i copied it into a doc, and thought, kay, must be around 2k, like all of it (which is already a lot) BUT 5.7K.... and it was like 10 pages long !! i went "awwh" out loud 😭

and thank you 🥺 i was even thinking of making a smol commentary one day, when i've got the time, bc i could talk about them forever 😭 i really love reading everyone's reviews and theories, bc sometimes it makes me rethink things that i didn't consider even while writing.

ikr? i spent my teenage years crying to 'when you're gone', and i kinda remembered the song when you pointed out that 'he can be comfort even now' bit :( and you're actually so right. might argue that it hurts even more to relate it to the vday drabble.. especially, considering what's still to come.

hahaha i get it 😭 after that chapter, it was hard to hold a high opinion of him, bc he did kinda fuck up :// but yes, i promise you, there are gonna be scenes and chapters that are so fluffy, it'll be almost disgusting, really. it's so cute that you ranted about it to your sister hahaha i really love that you're so invested 🥺

I KNOW! it's amazing how everyone was ready to jail me for all the angst... yet, they keep coming up with scenarios and songs that break me for good 😂 i wasn't as much in pain when i posted the chapter as i am now hahahah

ahh i'm okay, ivi, thank you for asking! i think the biggest reason for my bleh mood was that i'm... very bored. i've been feeling pretty unproductive since i took this super long break after graduation and quit my last job. which is why i'm lowkey excited (but also very scared lol) to start my semester next week and my job in may! will join you in your academic misery hahah but yeah. i'll be busier, but i'm looking forward to it, bc i do like being busy! hope you're all good, too 🥺🤍

[apatchedupdoll]

There’s a lot on Tumblr that I didn’t know I needed in my life. It gets distracting, but then sometimes it flares me up into wanting to make more. It drives me to want to make, either the art style, the ideas, the stories, or something else that makes me want to create. Even if it’s not drawing it could be writing or something else. That being said! Here’s todays art dump <3

This is pretty much finished, I may add some detail and touches later, but so far I’m happy with it.

The Komoraku or whatever I’m gonna call it is also going okay. I’ve colored everything, I just need to start adding detail, maybe a little more color differations but it seems to be going on fine. I’ll probably finish this tonight after I work.

Oh look! Turtle ocs? Nah it couldn’t be. Totally not a bunch of characters I made for the Prisoner’s Bale story. But seriously this is a lot of fun. This is pretty much the first iteration of the family so things could massively change before anything is set in stone. I’ve already changed Tobi’s age like 3 times already. I’m not totally convinced by Sophie’s design and Alex’s patters need some work for sure. There are a few other things I’m thinking about but you’ll have to wait for those changes to find out.

So why am I showing off the characters of Prisoner’s Bale? Well if I haven’t said or made it clear in my last posts (idk man sometimes I don’t make things easy) I’ve decided I’m going to make a comic for the story. Unlike Oh, Where Have You Been Brother? this one will be thought out very extensively. Think of this as sharpening my blade before I even try the Mother’s Land comic. ‘But wait, if you’re making two stories for rottmnt, then why are you making something that doesn’t relate at all?’ I hear you ask curiously while trying to get the cookie jar from the top of the fridge while I start to monologue. Ah, well I really like rottmnt and (as much as I’m happy we’re getting a new movie) I really don’t want to let it go just yet. I find fanfictions are the perfect way to help skills develop. If you’ve seen my Oh, Where Have You Been Brother? you may notice my writing skills are shit. I’ve also realized I tend to write myself into corners without realizing it before the last minute and have to rewrite almost everything, in fact I had a plan and when I posted the latest chapter I realized, oh wait oh shit fuck that means that this won’t work so that means oh god oh fuck shit fuck! I’ll let you guess what I fucked up lol. The point is I’m using my love of TMNT to help me develop better skills for projects that don’t need and can’t have the crutches fanfictions give. Does that mean all TMNT fanfictions do this? No, but this is what I use it for. I just feel like acknowledging it is good and something I shouldn’t be ashamed of.

So that’s my ramble. I hope y’all like the art. Maybe you found something useful and relatable hehehe. Oh and chapter 5 of OWHYBB is on its way. I can see it being finished around Thursday, but spring break is also over tomorrow so bleh! Things will def slow down when writing, still will have daily art uploads. Have a good day! I hope y’all remember not to eat too many cookies!