#but km gonna sleep now

[eldritch-nightmare]

do you ever think about how slender probably shares its life force with its proxies because all of its proxies are humans and humans are very fragile creatures so for the sake of not having to get a replacement every other week it just decided to find a way to share its life force with them??

i'm just thinking about toby, specifically. since he has cipa, he literally is in constant risk of losing his life so being a proxy only puts him in even more danger. and then slender is literally Impossible to kill, so i'm just thinking about toby getting severely injured and being on the brink of death.

he's so close to finally being able to close his eyes and let go, only for slender to pop up and somehow transfer its own life force into his, just so toby will survive long enough to get proper medical treatment (aka ej or dr smiley since they're the only ones who know how to treat severe wounds)

i imagine this being viewed as a blessing by some and a curse by others. it only ever uses this ability on its proxies, so it's not like slender puts its life in any danger by doing this. i mean, it's an eldritch horror of unknown origins so who knows how long its lifespan is.

i have no idea what im saying actually im incredibly tired and words are meshing together in my mind im gonna wake up in the morning and see this and become very deeply confused

[spacebabesuki]

okay, but have you guys noticed that Eddie has a way of talking or shouting at absolutely everyone? Yet every time he speaks to Chrissy, he uses this really SOFT voice 🥺 I swear to God, his voice changes every time he opens his mouth around her and the way he makes sure she's okay when he gets there and sees her scared! I swear SDHASFKJAOHMYGOOOOOOD! He literally fixed his hair before meeting her in the forest, and his eyes turn so soft around her I'm gonna throw up 😩💖

Two and a half years and I still can't get over it!

[lav3nder-bees]

happy february to them and absolutely nobody else

[honeytrap-graham]

rolin saying one of the music inspo for s3 is CHAPPEL ROAN? WHO SHARES A BDAY WITH MY LOVELY WIFE SAM REID???? OH WELL

[vitrificvitriol]

You can't just leave food lying around, Dead End. Someone else is gonna come in and eat it when you're away

[todayisafridaynight]

getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend

[bobasnonbeliever]

only posting this here because i dont think anyone will see it. i need to get this out

im so fucking tired of my life. im tired of caring, like, in general. as stupid as it sounds, i was watching kitchen nightmares, and gordon said something about a chef or an owner, i dont remember exactly, he said; "losing hope is a scary thing to do, when theres just no more light at the end of the tunnel, it takes you down dark paths." or something like that. and ive been suicidal/depressed since i was 9, but i thought to myself "im not hopeless, am i?". the more i thought about it, the worse i felt because, god no, im not hopeless. im helpless, or maybe i wallow too much in my own self pity. i dont know the difference. every goddamn day feels like another waking nightmare, im sick of living with my mom, im sick of her not letting me get a job. i dont want my name on the damn electric bill because shes over $1,000 in debt to the power company anymore. shes already ruining my credit, and i dont even have a damn job! not to mention her fucking kid, her 5yo fucking kid, im taking care of. the product of the man who beat me over and over again, threatened to kill me, and then he took a greyhound bus out of our lives. why didnt she protect me? he never once hit her, or anyone else, why didnt mom help me? i was only 13 when he first pulled me by my hair and slammed me into the stairs because i let moms ice cream tub melt on the kitchen table for half an hour. it took him till my brother was 3 to leave. she valued him over me, and even now. im always taking care of my brother, even when he screams at me, cusses at me, throws things at me, spits on me, hits me, kicks me, claws me, bites me, and more. you get the point. she never even tells him to stop, she doesnt have to scream, or hurt him, or anything. just please, please tell them to stop hurting me. i still take care of him. i take care of him when she takes 20 fucking benadryl and passes out for the full time shes at home between shifts. i sacrificed my education to "help her" take care of him. and she gets mad at me when i parent him, when i tell him off, or even more mad when i have to cry and beg him to stop hurting me. she says "youre 22 years old, get a grip" when im covered in bruises from the 5 year old "hes five!" she will scream when i tell her he hurts me. "he is five, hes supposed to listen to you" i said once, and she just stared at me. im always fucking things up, she never fails to let me know, when she looks at me like that i know its my fault. i cant even begin on my relationship, i shouldnt, he might see this. i just want to give up, im so tired of caring, i want to let it all go. my dog died, i ruined him too, i couldnt take him to the vet i couldnt help him. hes gone because i failed. my baby, im not saying that in the cringy melinial way, he saved me from suicide. so many times, it was "hell be so confused why im gone..", "hes gonna miss me", "whos gonna take care of him?" but now hes gone and im still here. my baby, is gone and im so selfishly still here. why wouldnt she let me get a job? i couldve taken him, i couldve at least got him put down so he didnt have to suffer in his favourite spot on my bed till his kidneys put him down for us. if i didnt know, my boyfriend would kill himself too when he comes home from classes tomorrow, and i was dead, i would take the entire 160 count bottle of benadryl i stole from moms room. i want to see my baby, he never ever missed on helping me, i owe him my life and couldnt even give him that when he passed. but not for lack of trying.

but even so, i dont feel hopeless. maybe only yearning, but it feels enough like hope. when i use my right hand to stroke my left cheek and neck, it almost feels like someone else. i get a glimmer of a thought, "one day, i wont have to beg to be taken care of. someone will do it because they want to.", but still, it hurts worse. i dont know how i can possibly derive so much gut wrenching pain from that little bit of hope, but i do. and still, i cant help myself, i cant blame anyone else. i can only hope someone will come save me. if i could handle this all on my own, i wouldnt be here typing this.

i want to decompose.

writing this after that monster of a textblock in the tags, but if you were wondering. im not exaggerating about the mess, and i wouldnt normally judge. because i have had worse bedrooms, mental illness is a bitch. but its in the common area, and she absolutely does make the 5yo live in it. she moved out to the living room after their room was too trashed for her to even walk in, so she toated her 50" fucking tv right out there and hasnt moved, accept to go to work, since. everyone pray or cross your fingers or send me some good energy to hope she gets sliced into a million pieces at work instead of accidentally oding on bennies so i can raise my brother with her life insurance money.

[uitzinnigmp3]

.

[justanotherfangirl-07]

Damn, maybe owl city was onto something with that much too tired to fall asleep shit

[widevibratobitch]

ffs why did she tell me that now. i have to get up in 3 hours but i cant fall asleep now cause im too busy crying hysterically. this is Not Ideal.

[shiftingtomydrs]

nothing better than *not* loading your laptop even tho you plugged it in and forgetting your headphones on the same day so now you actually have to do something (for context, im doing an exchange year rn so school isnt important for me atm so i dont have to pay attention)

[iftitah]

there should be an option for me and bcg to hug after a heavy conversation on call

[bloodycreaturee]

watched train to busan for the first time to try and distract myself and NOW I'M CRYING EVEN MORE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

[ileaf008]

done studying with the help of ILLIT - Magnetic (very addicting btw) 5AM

i didnt sleep at all so ill sleep a lil and hope i do good at the test and not be late as always

[dreamdripdistance]

girl im straight up having heart palpitations girl im dying girl please

[canyonroads]

I'm litterally so depressed and idk how to keep going lol