#but just wanted to say once again i am upset about stranger things

[wylansworkshop]

.

[runariya]

Regarding CCL: I am curious how Y/N and Jungkook actually got to the point of break up. I mean with Jungkook being on the verge of proposing and Y/N on the verge of break-up seems a rather drastic difference on how they viewed their relationship. I would love a drabble on small (or not so small) things that chipped away on Y/N's confidence and just what led to the decision on her end.

The one where JK and OC go camping

warnings: 18+, MDNI, self doubt, mentions of fears/phobias, (short) explicit sexual scene word count: 1.604

a/n: I'm dealing with a headache that just doesn't want to go away, hope there aren't many grammatical errors, the flow is def off

masterlist

“That’s so cool!”

No, it’s not. How Jungkook can find rafting in this wild stream cool is beyond you—not only because you’re terrified of water, but also because it screams death.

“I don’t know, Jungkook.” Your voice wavers slightly, unable to hide how much you’re freaking out just watching some strangers rafting in the distance, not far from where you’ve parked your camper near the woods.

It’s one thing to go camping with Jungkook—something he’s been begging you to do for years—clearly not realising that you’re also terrified of wild animals attacking you, of getting injured and not being able to get help quickly enough, or getting robbed because you’re in the middle of nowhere with no signal. The list goes on.

But you didn’t have it in you to say no again—not when he was so enthusiastic when you finally agreed. Seeing him happy is all you really want, even if it comes at the expense of your own comfort.

Jungkook’s sparkly eyes meet yours. You’re both setting up camping chairs outside the camper, though the sight of the rushing water has his attention, his eyes fixed on it as soon as he heard the cheers from the people who are obviously as adventurous as your boyfriend.

“It’s definitely fun!”

It’s not. It won’t be for you, that’s for sure. You hate that he’s trying to add even more adventure to your trip, but you should’ve seen it coming.

That’s just how he is—he doesn’t see that when you agree to meet him halfway, he ends up dragging you all the way to his side without realising it.

“I really can’t do this with you, Jungkook. I’m sorry.”

You try not to let his barely hidden disappointment get to you, but with each time, it’s getting harder.

“Don’t apologise, it’s fine, babe. We’re here to camp, right?”

You just nod, unable to meet his eyes because you know it’s not enough for him.

Later that day, after you’ve both eaten by the makeshift fireplace and you’ve convinced yourself that everything’s fine—that Jungkook really isn’t upset about not going rafting—he talks you into a walk through the woods.

Sure, it’s dangerous, but he’s with you, and you trust him, so you agree, clutching his hand like it’s your only lifeline—and maybe it is.

“This is nice.”

“It is,” and you mean it. It’s peaceful, quiet, and not nearly as terrifying as you’d imagined. You know you tend to exaggerate when it comes to the new things Jungkook wants to try, and you’re lucky he’s as patient with you as he is. “You still know how to get back?”

“Yes, babe, don’t worry,” Jungkook smiles down at you, his thumb stroking the back of your hand, soothing you just a little more. And it works. You let your eyes wander over the low-hanging branches, the squirrels chasing each other, and the tree roots you’re careful not to trip over.

“Woah, what the fuck’s that?” Jungkook lets go of your hand, rushing ahead, leaving you scrambling to keep up so you don’t get lost on your own.

Thankfully, the cave opening he’s spotted isn’t far, though the sight of it isn’t any less concerning.

“We should go in there.”

It’s dark—so black it seems like the purest form of the colour you’ve ever seen. You’re certain that if you reached your hand in, it would disappear forever.

Looking at Jungkook’s profile, your heart sinks. Once again, he’s thrilled to try something reckless and new—full of life and excitement that you’re about to crush.

There’s only so much you can do, and wandering into a cave in the middle of nowhere with no one around to help if things go wrong is not one of them.

“No.” You didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but dear god, this man has to have some sense of self-preservation left in him.

Jungkook’s head snaps towards you, his lips forming a surprised “oh” at your tone, which you’ve never used before, but you’re done.

“No?”

“No, Jungkook! We can’t do this! For a million reasons, and one of them is that I’m not letting us die in there!”

“It’s not that dang—”

“IT IS!”

Silence. And you think you hear birds scattering in the distance after your outburst.

“Okay.” Jungkook nods, and you feel your heart break a little more at the sight of his disappointment in you. Again.

He takes your hand, squeezing it like he’s trying to tell you it’s okay—but you know it’s not. It never was. 

Will it ever be?

Jungkook leads you back to the camper, the silence between you both now uncharacteristically uncomfortable. And as you reach the campsite, you don’t hesitate to head inside, Jungkook following you without a word.

Turning around to face him, your guilt is eating at you too much. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s really fine, babe. Please don’t worry.”

He smiles—he’s been wearing that small smile even before you apologised—but you can see the hurt in his eyes.

“It’s not. I can see—”

“It is.” With that, Jungkook closes the distance between you both, crashing his lips against yours, sucking not only on your bottom lip, but also sucking the doubt right out of you.

Before you know it, you’re sprawled naked beneath him on the sad excuse of a bed, his hips drilling into you with an intensity that makes your mind shut up and your heart sing. 

Maybe everything’s fine. Maybe you were just overthinking again.

“Fucking girl of my dreams,” Jungkook moans, eyes glued to the place where your bodies connect, his hand gripping your thighs to keep them spread wide over his.

Are you really? You’re not sure anymore. But the way he’s fucking you so good, it feels like it must be true.

“Jungkook,” you cry out as he starts rubbing your clit with his thumb, a move he’s perfected for when he’s close and needs you to be too.

“Come for me, babe. Fuck, I need you to come. Now.”

The pace he sets borders on insanity, and as a drop of his sweat lands on your stomach, it’s too much. You come undone around him, moaning so loud that anyone within a three-mile radius could probably hear. As your cunt convulses around his cock, Jungkook thrusts a few more times before finding his release, ropes of thick, hot cum filling the condom as he grunts out his pleasure.

With a final groan, he collapses beside you, discarding the condom before wrapping you in his arms.

“I love you,” he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, then your forehead as you both settle into your usual sleeping position, too drained to clean up like you usually would when he’s done with you.

“I love you too, Kook. Goodnight.”

“Night, babe,” he mumbles, already half-asleep before the last syllable leaves his swollen lips.

You wake slowly in the middle of the night, feeling utterly cold. But…it’s strange—you never feel cold when Jungkook’s sleeping beside you.

It’s when you turn and find his side of the bed not only empty, but the sheets cold, as if he was never there to begin with, that you realise he’s not just nipped to the toilet but that he’s been gone for a while.

You sit up, pulling the blanket around you as you reach for some nearby clothes, running through all the places he could’ve gone. It doesn’t take long for you to figure out he’s probably gone to the cave, unable to resist the urge to explore it on his own.

You should be angry at him, but all you can think about is that he comes back safe and unharmed. That he doesn’t leave you stranded here. That he returns and everything’s fine again.

Peering out of the small window, you can’t make out much, but the full moon offers just enough light to see the vague shapes of your surroundings.

You can’t help but let your doubts creep back in. If you were just a bit more adventurous, maybe he wouldn’t have gone off in the middle of the night on his own. There’s no way Jungkook truly sees you as his future if he’s doing stuff like this. There’s just no way.

It’s one thing to want to explore, but leaving you alone in the camper, in the woods, in the dead of night, with no signal, no way to defend yourself, and no idea how to drive this massive vehicle is just…

What are you supposed to do? You can’t follow him. You just can’t.

You’re sad, hurt, frightened—not just by what he’s done again and what it means for your relationship, but by what could happen to him out there too.

The minutes tick by, and with each one, your composure slips further, leaving you silently crying, your eyes fixed on the darkness outside, praying for him to return any moment now.

Eventually, you see someone emerge from the woods—it’s him. You quickly wipe your tears, strip off your clothes, and lie back down as if you never got up, hoping he won’t notice.

Through barely opened eyes, you watch as he quietly slips inside, undressing and carefully getting back into bed next to you. You have to focus on breathing evenly, fighting the urge to flinch when his arm drapes over you.

And while he’s asleep again in no time, you lie awake for the rest of the night, tears silently soaking into the sheets, knowing you’ll never be enough.

masterlist

All Rights Reserved © @runariya 2024

taglist: @kookiewithluv , @closer-to-jungkook , @dreamcatcherluvr , @blueofocean, @leah-rose03 , @httpjeonlicious , @futuristicenemychaos , @cryingoverpixelsetc , @variety-is-the-joy-of-life , @kawaiiisstuff , @delusionalsnack , @jaykay-world , @kookie-vuitton , @https-mei, @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs , @avawants2havefun , @kawaiiisstuff, @ancagab16 , @lovingkoalaface , @lachimolalajeon , @jkslvsnella , @asimuss7 , @elinaki92 , @minghaosimp, @whoa-jo , @jaytheatiny , @winterbeartaehyungbestboy, @xsyruhh

[yanderecxre]

Yandere!Cult Leader/Priest × gn!reader

Summary: Mason Blackwair always knew you'd be his. His sweet little dove, kept peacefully by his side, it's such a shame you've gotten so disillusioned with the teachings, but that's fine. It just gives him the opportunity to keep you with him forever now, willing or not.

CW: gaslighting, stabbing, cults, abuse of power, pet names, religious themes/wording, breeding, disassociating (reader), non-con, dycraphilia, dubious consent, loss of virginity, threats & as always if you think I missed anything just pm or say anything!

Note: peeks in and waves hi! Hope you guys like this one if you want a part 2 let me know!! ~ bunny

You are a member of your family's cult. Recently, you've begun to doubt your faith and the cult members found you guilty; as punishment, you were chosen to sacrifice yourself in the name of God.

At night you came to your priest, Mason Blackwair cell to ask him to mitigate your punishment. Mason sits quietly and calmly, his face illuminated by the light of a candle, his thin long fingers running over the pages of the Bible. Finally, Mason notices you standing in the aisle and smiles brightly. Despite the certain joy in his face, it is obvious that his smile is fake and here just for the sake of politeness.

“Hello, my dear dove. What brings you here?”

Mason doesn't let you answer and interrupts you with a little laugh.

“Ah, wait! I think I got it, little dove. Did you come here to talk about your punishment? I am sorry to tell you this, but I cannot influence the sacrifice in any way. Soon I will become the leader of our beautiful commune and that is why I need to maintain the reputation of a strict and fair manager…”

For a second, something like annoyance and sadness flashes in Mason's eyes and he quickly turns away.

“My advice is… To open your heart for salvation, little dove. Perhaps our Lord will hear your request.”

"The same Lord who wants them to tie me to the altar and cut me until I'm cleansed?”

You demanded softly, teary eyed as you looked into his eyes, the eyes that once belonged to your childhood friend. The sweet boy who used to pick flowers with you and run around the commune, now turned into nothing but a stranger.

Mason pauses for a moment, his eyes scanning your face as if he is trying to find something in your expression. Finally, he stands up from his seat and walks towards you, stopping just inches away from you.

"My dear dove… Do you know what this sacrifice means? It doesn't mean that they want to kill you. They want God to purify your soul by shedding your blood.”

Mason puts a hand on your shoulder, smiling gently at you.

"Look at me, little dove. You know how much I care about you and the commune's faith. But it doesn't mean that I am blind to the human side of things. I will talk with your father and see what we can do for you."

At this point, there is a sincere and caring note in Mason's voice.

"But remember, our Lord has a plan for all of us, even when it seems like He is leading us through dark paths."

You just shook, rage and fear in your veins. You quickly turned away and left him behind, crying now. It broke his heart to see you so upset, he reached out for you but only touched empty air as you exited with the final parting words.

"I'm retiring to my prison.”

Mason watches you retreat silently, his expression unreadable. Once you are out of sight, he sighs deeply and picks up the Bible again. He flips through its pages, frowning at whatever it is that he sees.

After a few minutes of brooding in silence, Mason closes the book and walks towards the door of his cell. Before leaving, he turns back to look at the empty room with a sad smile on his lips.

"I hope you'll forgive me someday for what I'm about to do."

He murmurs softly before blowing out the candles and leaving it behind, retiring to his bedroom.

You spent the entire night crying your eyes out, lamenting that all you'd see tomorrow was the crazed looks of the people you once thought of as family, your weak pathetic cries echoing around your cell.

You stood still as your parents led you to the altar, your father offering soft whispers of apologies as he and your mother tied you down, a knife lay beside the altar. You looked up at the ceiling, teary-eyed.

As you lay tied to the altar, your family gathers around with solemn expressions. The room is dimly lit and there's a faint smell of incense in the air.

Mason steps forward, his robes rustling as he walks towards the altar. He stops at the edge, looking down at his dove with an unreadable expression.

"Dear little dove…" Mason says softly, reaching for one of your hands. "You are about to become a vessel for our Lord's power. Do not be afraid.”

Mason picks up the knife from beside the altar and holds it gently in his hand.

"I will be performing this sacrifice myself," he adds. "May God have mercy on your soul."

With that said, Mason places a gentle kiss on your forehead before raising the knife above his head with both hands.

"Do not resist," he whispers to your ear. "Receive His love."

You closed your eyes and sobbed, refusing to let that sick yet soft look in his eyes be the last thing you saw.

Mason hesitates for a brief moment, his grip on the knife faltering slightly as he hears you crying. A flicker of emotions crosses his face before he quickly regains his composure.

"Dear dove," Mason says softly, almost pleadingly. "Do not be afraid. The pain is temporary but the glory you will experience afterward is eternal."

With that said, Mason slowly lowers the knife towards your chest.

"May our Lord have mercy on your soul," he whispers as he plunges the blade into your flesh.

The sacrifice lasts only a few seconds - it's short, but terrifying- and everything becomes blurry to you, as if you'd been transported out of your body and that someone else was experiencing this torment instead of you.

When it's over you feel weak and faint.

When you awoke, you were back in your bedroom, your mother sitting on a chair beside you. She reached out to touch you and you flinched terrified, letting out a loud sob.

As you awaken in your bedroom, you see your mother sitting beside your bed on a chair. She reaches out to touch you, but flinches when she sees that you are terrified of her and immediately backs away.

"Shh… it's alright," Your mother says softly, trying to comfort you. "You're safe now, my dear.” you want to scream ‘LIAR’ at her as she speaks, saying you were safe. You felt horrible and terror filled your body.

Mason enters the room and stands at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed over his chest, watching silently as your mother tries to calm you down.

"You did well today," he says coolly. "Thanks for receiving His love."

Although his words are praised-like, they do nothing to produce any emotion or feeling from him. He watches you, shaking and looking like a terrified animal, like a lamb who barely escaped the slaughter. He wants to say more but knows nothing he says will help you.

It was like seeing a ghost, his little dove no longer did as they usually did. There were no more sweet smiles or hymns sung as chores were completed, no more treats baked with trays especially reserved for Mason. Instead his dove was shut away, in their room, only going out for meals and sermons or whenever their parents coaxed them out.

Mason notices the change in your behavior and it bothers him deeply. He cannot help but wonder if he's partly responsible for what happened to you.

One day, he decides to visit you in your room. When he enters, you are sitting alone by the window staring out at the sky. You look up when you hear him come in.

"Little dove," Mason says softly as he approaches you. "I'm here to talk with you.”

There's a slight tremble in his voice - an unusual vulnerability that shows that even someone like him has feelings.

"I know that things have been difficult for you lately," he continues, taking a seat beside you on the bed. "But I want you to understand that everything we do is for the greater good of our commune and our faith."

He places a hand on yours and looks into your eyes with deep concern.

"You can always talk with me if there's something troubling you."

You stared blankly back. "I am fine. I've been cleansed by the knife.” You whispered softly and finally looked at him with vacant and distant eyes.

Mason nods slowly, sensing that there's something you're not telling him.

"I see," he says quietly. "But I can see that you're still hurting inside. And I want to help you."

He takes a deep breath and continues, "Little dove, I know that the sacrifice was traumatic for you. But it was necessary for our faith. You were chosen because we believe that your spirit is strong enough to endure it."

He pauses for a moment, his eyes searching her face.

"But if you're still feeling lost or confused… You can talk to me about it. Remember: Our faith is in everything."

"I used to play the piano. Right? Or did I sing? My memory is confusing.” You looked up at him, sadly. Shaking slightly as you stared at nothing. “I don't know who I am anymore, Mason. I'm scared.”

Mason furrows his brow slightly, unsure of what you are trying to say. He doesn't remember you ever playing any instrument.

"I'm not sure what you mean, little dove," he says with a frown. "What are you talking about?”

"I don't remember who I was before the sacrifice. Who was i? Who am I now? I'm scared Mason, so scared. Who was I before you drove the knife into me?”

Mason freezes at your words, his mind processing what you just said. He stands up from the bed and takes a few steps away from you, his face contorted with shock. He thought you'd forgotten he'd been the one to do it.

"What are you talking about?" he asks harshly. "I never drove the knife into you, little dove."

His voice is cold and hard, and there's a hint of anger in it.

"Who told you such lies? You are mistaken. Your mind is playing tricks on you dove." Mason mutters as he knelt between your thighs, grasping your hands in his and squeezing them. “Fret not little dove, your mind will get better.”

"May our Lord have mercy on your soul." It's spoken in a mockery of Mason's voice. You looked at him slightly confused, "That's what you spoke, right? Unless um, I misheard… but it sounded like you-”

Mason's eyes widen in realization as you speak. He takes a step closer to you, his expression softening.

"Oh, little dove…" he says softly, placing a hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to go through this."

He pauses for a moment before continuing.

"You are right… It was me who drove the knife into your heart. I did it because our Lord told me so in a vision - it was His will that you be sacrificed.”

Mason cups your face gently and looks into your eyes with compassion.

"But please believe me when I say that everything we do is for the greater good of our faith. Your family has devoted their lives to serving Him."

“Y-you did? But- w-why? It hurt- a lot-” You were working yourself up into a panic before he gently pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Hush, little dove, you're recovering, do not strain yourself, you know why. In order to cleanse you, now enough of this. Rest and cease thinking about such things further.”

Mason looks away from you for a moment, his eyes full of sadness.

"I know you're not thinking clearly right now," he says quietly. "But I still feel responsible for what happened to you. I know that you must hate me now… But please understand that it was never my intention to hurt you."

He takes a deep breath and continues, "All I wanted is to protect our faith and people from the evil in this world. Sacrifices are painful, but they purify our souls and make us stronger - so we can better serve Him.” Mason murmured and hugged you tightly to his chest.

"I f-feel upset. You're supposed to protect me, yet you drove a knife into me and now that- that everyone in the commune saw it- i- I'll be alone forever and my parents won't find me a spouse.” Your lip wobbled and you sniffled slightly, clinging to him. You were unable to see his cruel and satisfied smile as he held you, petting your hair softly.

Mason listens to your words with a sinking heart. He knows that it is true - he did drive the knife into you, and that decision has caused you so much pain.

"I… I had no choice," he says quietly, almost to himself. "It was His will."

Fake tears glisten in his eyes as Mason looks at you, finally realizing the weight of his actions.

"You're right," he says softly. "I should have protected you, not hurt you. I cannot change what happened now… But I promise you this: I will do everything in my power to help you recover from this. Starting right now.”

Mason gently kisses you, his lips pressing against yours as he speaks. “I'll remedy this immediately, you and I shall marry. That way you won't be alone.” He doesn't give you a moment to speak, already pressing you against the bed, kissing you deeply now.

You let out a muffled noise of confusion and panic, squirming underneath him and pushing at his chest. His lips finally move away only to seek your neck and leave bites and bruises upon it as you gasped and whimpered. “A-ah! M-mason- wait- p-please hold on- i-”

His head lifts up, looking at you with his eyes blown wide as he grunts an acknowledgement to your words, “Yes my dove? Sh, it's alright, who better to take responsibility than the one responsible for your misfortunes? Relax, or would you rather this happen at the altar later? Where everyone, will see and hear you?”

You trembled slightly the idea of that happening terrifying you to your core yet feeling slightly exhilarating. Mason grinned, feeling you relax and continued making his way to your waist.

Mason kissed down until he reached your entrance, humming softly as he placed his hands firmly on your squirming thighs, grunting loudly as he forced them open. “Enough of that, do not do that again or I will have to tie you down. Understood little dove?”

You nodded, or tried to as you gasped softly and whimpered out a moan at the feeling of his tongue licking and sucking at your entrance, no one had ever touched you there. “Mhmph! M-mason! Hng- t-too much!”

Mason puts a comforting hand on your thighs. He pulls away from between your thighs, face covered in his own saliva and your fluids that ran down your inner thighs.

"I understand that it can be scary, little dove. But I promise you, nothing will harm you here with me."

He gives you a reassuring smile. Breathing heavily as he speaks, his fingers finding their way to your still quivering entrance which he circled a finger around.

"Besides, my love for you is as pure as the intentions of our God. All we have to do is make love and everything will be alright.”

Mason's finger breached your entrance, slick with something that made it easier to handle, slowly thrusting his finger in and out. He gave you plenty of reassurance and pressed kisses to your thighs and stomach.

“Dove, you must relax, you're still clenching up and tensing up. You'll hurt yourself more than me if you don't relax.” With those words he sunk another finger inside, his free hand pinning your hips down to the bed when he felt you buck upwards.

Mason grunted as he felt your tight heat around his fingers, if you were this tight around his fingers you'd never be able to fully take all of his cock. He didn't want to hurt you more than necessary, not yet at least.

“Sh, sh dove, easy there we go, good little pet.” He murmured as you whimpered and moaned, feeling his fingers hit something inside of you that had you unable to breath. You heaved slightly and looked down at him through tearful eyes.

“M-mason- please- ngh! That feels….. mhm! Good-” You moaned out and let your head drop against the pillows, falling into a dream-like state as you allowed him to continue. “M-more…. Please give me more-”

Mason grinned at your words, a sinister gleam in his eyes before he cooed and slid his fingers out, shushing your confused whines with a simple kiss before he undressed himself and tore your remaining clothes off.

"As our Lord wishes," he whispers between kisses, his voice reverent yet filled with desire.

Mason aligned his cock with your entrance, sliding it through your messy thighs first to coat it before he spread your legs and slowly sunk in.

“P-please, please be mhmph! Gentle, please Mason?” You whimpered softly, eyes locked on him as he looked down at you, mouth drying when he saw your flushed and tear stained cheeks.

Mason looks down at you with tender eyes, his hand running up and down your side soothingly.

"I will take care of you, little dove," he says softly. "I promise."

With a gentle but firm motion, Mason fully enters you, slowly thrusting in and out of your body. His movements are gentle at first, but soon become more passionate as the intensity increases.

As he fucks you, Mason whispers religious phrases to you: "pray to me", "I am your God", "repent for your sins". He continues kissing and caressing every inch of your body, making sure that you are comfortable throughout the entire ordeal. Even as he feels you twitching around his cock, your own fluids covering both his cock and your thighs and stomach. How many orgasms had he wrung from your body? Five? Ten? You lost count.

He's filled you up more times than you can count, you thought he was trying to breed you and knock you up the way he came and came. You couldn't move as you moaned and whimpered, unable to speak much less move and do something about him fucking your sensitive body.

When he's finished, Mason pulls himself out and lays down beside you, holding you close to him. The room is silent except for the sound of breathing as you both catch your breath after Mason seemed to fill you up so much a slight bulge could be seen, you shifted trying to get comfortable yet only felt his cum leaking out your spent hole.

"Sleep now, little dove," he whispers softly into your ear. "We have obeyed our Lord's wishes. Soon enough tomorrow, we will marry and you'll live with me, my perfect little dove who won't have to do anything but obey and listen.”

You fell asleep, cuddled into his side as he looked down at you, a possessive look in his eyes. He'd deal with the consequences of your parents finding you two together in the morning for now, he'd happily hold his little dove and admire the marks he gifted them.

Mason stays awake, holding you close to him throughout the night. As the sun begins to rise and light filters through the window of your private quarters, he kisses your forehead again before getting up.

"I must leave now, little dove," he says quietly. "But know that I am always here for you."

As he dresses in his priestly vestments, Mason turns back to look at you, a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Now go back to sleep and rest as much as possible. And remember what we did was pure love. Our wedding will be soon.”

He leans down and places a soft kiss on your lips before making his way out of your room and back into the world outside.

[radio-fmm]

Full bloom

Zoro x reader

Warnings: fem reader, swearing, reader is mad at Zoro, SFW

Word count: 1.7k

Summary: In which you overhear Zoro talking badly about you.

Notes: This is also my bird!reader but decided to take another rote with this one idk this is literally just my one piece self insert just wanted to write about them

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

PT2 ➜

You were not the kind to fall slow, you’ll fall completely flat, rough and knowing it’ll probably hurt badly, not even stretching your hands to stop the fall, pouring your whole heart and soul

You’ll fall hard

The moment you saw Zoro Roronoa you knew you were doomed, falling for someone like him was gonna be a huge problem not only because he so happened to be part of the pirate crew you were asked to join, but because you quickly picked up he wasn’t a feelings kind of guy, he was stoic and closed up like a big old book with a even bigger lock

But one day the feelings for the swordsman that had bloomed in your heart were quick to wither and rot, after overhearing a conversation between him a some other members of the crew

“I don’t know why you invited her Luffy” Zoro scoffed “An archer is useless we already have Usopp he’s a good shooter, and her powers are ridiculous”

Your heart sinked at every word that left Zoro’s mouth, after feeling rejected your whole life and thinking you had finally found a place where you belonged, you’re proven wrong once again

“Don’t say that Zoro!” Luffy defended which made you smile a little “She’s not only that! Y/n is this very powerful warrior and turning into a bird is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!” He sounded excited, at least your captain liked you

Zoro’s silence was like a dagger going through your poor heart, holding your breath in hopes he’ll answer and say that he was wrong, but instead your ears catch Sanji’s mischievous laugh

“Don’t tell me you feel threatened by such a gorgeous lady mosshead”

You were thorn between running away or pull yourself closer to the door to listen, but Zoro made that decision for you after hearing a muffled thud followed by his loud screaming

“Shut up! I’m going to be the world’s greatest swordsman I am never intimidated specifically by some stupid bird you dumb cook!” You stood outside the door, hurt and angry, you thought Zoro would be different from the men in your island, always overlooking you and judging your abilities for reasons you couldn’t control

After this incident you decided to avoid the green haired pirate completely, if he already was hard to talk to, whenever you were tasked to do something together you kept your mouth shut, always training opposite sides of the Merry and answering him coldly. Everyone picked up on your change in behavior, the contrast between how you treated literally everyone else, even strangers, compared to Zoro was palpable, your whole aura shifted at the sight of him

But as upset as you were, you two made perfect fighting partners. Those were the only times when you’ll put your pride aside, after all you were a professional and valued the place Luffy had offered you in the crew, and as much as you hated to admit it, Zoro was an exceptional swordsman.

After some time, the stoic man had warmed up to your presence, he now respected you since he saw you were not only capable but complemented him in battle like no one else in the crew. Everything he knew about you was only things he’ll pick up when you would chat with others or little antics and traits he’ll put attention to, but it was enough to trust you and have a real read into your character

“Why do you always avoid me?” Zoro asked one time while you both walked back to the Going Merry, he had gotten lost again, and you were the assigned Zoro’s compass since you were able to fly around and find him easily, which you didn’t quite enjoy especially now that he decided to instigate whatever had happened between you two

You scoffed “Where did you get that idea from?”

“Everyone notices how mean you are to me and I am not blind” mean, that word lingered like poison in your ears, you were the kind of person to always try be the best version of yourself, being patient and understanding, so hearing Zoro calling you mean felt unfair

“I have my reasons” the green haired pirate noticed your body language change completely, you stiffened and your breath quickened, fist clenching. This wasn’t exactly the direction he wanted this conversation to go but he wasn’t quite good at talking

“How dramatic” he whispered but loud enough so you’ll hear him, already giving up in a peaceful chat

You stopped in your tracks anger boiling up and reaching your tongue immediately “Oh fuck off” Zoro’s eyes widened, he had never heard you swear let alone seen you this angry before

“You can go ahead and call me whatever you want, but you don’t know me Zoro” there you stood in front of this man that doubled you in size, eyes that froze him in place, your face was red with fury and the tension could be seen from a mile away. The swordsman backed up slowly, was he feeling threatened?

“But if you did, you’ll know I know better than to talk shit behind my crewmates back” in a swift move you morphed into your bird form, not wanting to continue the conversation and soared the skies, high enough so he could still follow you back

No one had ever stood up to Zoro that way before, he silently walked under you a million thoughts going through his head at once, what did you meant about talking shit about another crewmate? I mean of course he would talk shit but nothing ever serious, but again, how could you know if he barely even said hi to you?, a little guilt settled on him, maybe he was the mean one after all

Curiosity tickled him as his mouth opened and without thinking twice he screamed your name in hopes you’ll fly back down, after a little thinking you did, perching on a nearby tree before chirping at him

“Can you like… not… be a bird?” You made what it seemed to be an angry sound before morphing back to your original form while soaring down, landing in front of him arms crossed brows furrowed

“I don’t talk to assholes” you had always been the bigger person your whole life, so acting petty maybe wasn’t your style but really you didn’t cared enough what Zoro would think of you, after all you still seemed to think he viewed you as useless

“You still haven’t answered my question” his tone shifted, you had started to annoy him, he hated people that aren’t straightforward “I don’t know you you’re right, but maybe if you allowed me to we wouldn’t be here in the first place”

“I know you didn’t wanted me in the strawhats” you blurted out, knowing he wouldn’t drop the matter before arriving back to the ship and wanted to avoid everyone hearing you “You think I’m ridiculous and useless” that came out way shakier than you wanted to, finally showing how hurt you actually felt “My whole life I’ve been underestimated, I’m a woman and my powers are always taken as a joke, my abilities never recognized just because of how I look and who I am, when I joined you guys I thought I could leave that behind…”

The swordsman felt a knot forming on his throat, feeling absolutely unequipped for this situation and mostly, guilty, guilty he had ever made you feel something remotely close to this. It was true, when you first joined he didn’t quite agreed on Luffys decision but after all he was the captain, but you had proven him wrong showing your hard work and talents. For a moment you reminded him of someone he had cared for long ago, which made this whole fiasco even worse, feeling terrible he couldn’t even mutter a response, only standing before you absolutely bare.

“I am not asking you to be my best friend in the world, just for respect and some trust, at least the same one you give everyone else” ouch, your words as soft as they left your lips felt sharp, cutting onto Zoro’s ears.

You search his features for a reaction, an expression, anything, but he was unreadable still a stranger to you. Regret simmered in your gut, maybe should’ve kept your thoughts to yourself

Before you could walk away any further from him, Zoro gripped your wrist forcing you to stay and look back at him

“I actually think you’re pretty skilled for a bird” he offered you a small lopsided smile to try and freshen the mood which you were thankful for “You’re a fearless fighter, and more capable than others in the crew, If I ever made you think any different I apologize”

A breath you didn’t know you were holding escaped your lips, grateful he wasn’t actually an ass like you had painted him to be

“You gotta watch your mouth Roronoa” you smirked back “Could’ve lost your perfect fighting partner” you pulled yourself out of his grip and walked towards the Merry

Zoros laugh ringed in your ears, something you never thought you’ll hear, at least between only you two “This means you’ll stop training by yourself and finally join me? Or are you too scared?”

A heavy weight lifted from swordsman’s shoulders, finally able to bond with you and solving the never ending mystery the haunted him because contrary to your beliefs, he always noticed the distance you drew between you and him, it ate him alive. But now, you could finally see yourselves in your true colors, enjoy your time together and grow closer

“Yeah like you scare me” you pushed him playfully a smile tugging on your lips “If you wanted to train with me so bad should’ve just asked”

Zoro rolled his eyes “Don’t get too cocky birdie, I could destroy you in a sparring session anytime”

Slowly but surely, the swordsman had once again found his way into your heart, the garden that once withered grew strong once again, and little did you knew that you had also made love bloom in his, but that was a problem to deal with another time

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Gonna most likely make this a series ☝🏻 like always request are open and feel free to correct me English is not my first language

[sunflowersbones]

Golden Eyes, Golden Lies

Warnings: This fic will contain NON-CON, DUB-CON, Blackmail, Manipulation, Violence, Drug usage, Pyrokinesis, SPOILERS from ep: 1. My warnings are not exhaustive, proceed at your own risk.

[Best friend! GOLDEN BOY/LUKE RIORDAN x reader]

18+ only. This is a dark!fic and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: A new year, a new semester— now that the freshmen are here at Godolkin, you assumed; you would have more fun. A little more authority and bossing around. Little did you know, that your new year was going to be much worse than any freshmen’s.

NOTE: So this was supposed to be my first fic, but i couldn't find it to save my life and now it conveniently pops up. Anyway hello to my first oneshot on tumblr?. Tell me what you think of it, Reblogs are really appreciated, this is tumblr after all. I hope you enjoy!.

DIVIDERS: @firefly-graphics

*

You feel the golden sunrays hit your face as somebody opens your curtains. Slowly awoken from your slumber, your eyes refuse to open, clinging on to a little more sleep. You hear a chuckle around you as you feel a warm hand wrap around your ankle, dragging you down. A little more warmth than anybody else’s—a warmth you’re fondly familiar with.

“Uhh… Luke, five more minutes, please; I barely got any sleep last night.” you hear him chuckle again.

“Yeah, none of that sunshine, you don’t want to miss class; do you?, cuz if you don’t wake up right now, You will.”

You force yourself to rip your eyes open, and now finally awake, you stare at him in all his glory, all prim and tidied up, with no hint of exhaustion on his face; unlike you.

“And whose fault is it, that I’m so tired today?” you quip.

“Oh wow! It’s not our fault at all that you can’t handle a decent party night; I mean, you didn’t even drink that much.”

You hear Cate say, only now noticing her presence as she sits at the edge of your bed with a brown bag in her hand.

“What do you mean it’s not your fault? You forced me to come!.”

“Umm… I did not force you to do anything; I simply told you that I could, if I wanted to; you came of your own free will.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“No, it’s not.” 

“Uh, ok, fine; will you two get out now? I need to change.”

“Just change in front of us,” she says with a coy smile on her lips.

This time, Luke lets out a good laugh as he walks over to you, with a pair of your clothes bunched up in his hands.

“Don’t tease her too much, Cate; you know how she loses it when she’s flustered, right? Nearly hit me with a vase once.”

“Uh! That was when we were six, and you weren’t even that hurt.”

You say as you snatch your clothes, from his extended arm.

“Well, my feelings were hurt, sunshine.”

“Also, not all of us are shameless enough to walk around naked in front of other people, like Luke does,” you say, looking at her. 

“Hey! I don’t have a choice; I think I’d really enjoy it if I didn’t have to get naked in front of random strangers.” He says as she stifles a laugh.

“Now be a good girl and get dressed; I don’t want you panicking about attendance again. Cate’s brought you breakfast, and you can have half of my pineapple pie.”

Cate hands over the brown bag to you with a big smile on her face. “It's your favorite cheese sandwich.”

“For the last time, get out,” you say, smiling through your teeth.

Cate puts her hands around Luke’s neck as she says, “You know, you’re really better at getting her to do stuff than I am; maybe persuasion is your secret superpower.”

“Oh, really.” He smiles, as they kiss and walk away.

“Also, get a room.” You shout at them; you hear a muffled “We’ll just take yours,” by Cate as the door closes.

You sip your second coffee of the day as you walk over to the bench where Cate resides. Two more classes and you’re done for the day. Finally, you can just go back to bed.

“So what are your plans for today?” She asks as you approach her.

“Let me guess, nothing? God, sometimes I think you only get out and meet people if you have Luke by your side.”

“That is not true. I simply think that one should have a balance between partying and not partying.”

“Well, today's not the day. We’re going out, you're coming, and I’m dressing you up.”

“Uhhh, do I have to?.”

“Yes! Okay, yesterday's party was boring; this one is going to be good; I just know it.”

“Fine.” You promise, and join her and walk towards class.

You’re all dolled up and ready. The dress Cate selected for you from her wardrobe wasn’t much different from the one you had initially worn, but she insisted, and you couldn’t turn her down.

You walk outside to the parking lot to find Andre, Jordan, and Luke already there.

“Ooh, you look handsome.” you chime as you walk up to him.

“Blue’s such a good colour on you.” you even out a little crinkle, that was on the fabric.

“Hey, where’s my compliment? It took me a hefty amount of time to select this, you know.”

You raise an eyebrow as you smirk at him. “And still, you chose that, Andre?”

“You know; he’s your pet; you only ever care about him.” He complains, embittered.

Luke chuckles as he shakes his head. He runs his hands over your shoulder as he twiddles with your dress.

“This new?” he asks nonchalantly.

“It’s Cate’s.”

“Ah! Explains the glitter.” He tuts back.

“C'mon, Cate; say something.” Andre complains.

Cate, who has been engrossed on her phone the entirety of this time, now looks up as she calmly says, “It’s true; blue’s his colour. Too bad he’s named Golden Boy, or we could have named him Blue Boy or Ocean Boy or something…”, she says as you giggle.

“No, Cate; compliment me!. God, I can’t get a break.” With a wide smile on her face; she laughs back and says, “You look great, Andre.”

“Thank you,” he quips, arms crossed.

Suddenly, his attention turns to somebody else. “Hey! you’re here.”

You turn around to watch Andre welcome somebody, a girl; you haven’t seen her before; she’s adorned herself with a very pretty silver dress.

“Who is the girl?” You whisper to Cate.

“Idk; somebody Andre knows; she’s a freshmen.”

“A freshmen?”

“Well, you know Andre, if he thinks she’s cool, she must be cool.”

“Nice dress, though, right?”

“Yeah! Glitter; we need to get you one of those.”

“Absolutely not!.”

“Absolutely yes!.” She says; jokingly, with every intention to drag you shopping with her, as you two get seated in the car.

You’re a little buzzed out by the Molly Andre gave you. You look around to find Cate and Marie dancing, but you’re all alone on the couch. You wonder where all of the others went?.

Your head seems to be pounding uncontrollably. You decide that going out into the fresh air would calm you down a bit, but entering back might be a problem; you only got in because of Cate. Fuck it, you think to yourself; nothing about this party is all that great anyway; you’ll just loiter around outside.

All of a sudden, the voices around you become louder—a cluster of chaos—and suddenly, a hand holds on to your arm.

“We need to get the fuck out of here.” Luke says as he drags you along, you fumble; tripping over your feet.

His hand on your arm and the other now on your hip are the only reasons you haven’t fallen down yet.

Your head hurts, and you’re still a little confused. “What’s wrong, what happ— You hold your breath as you watch Jordan pull Andre along; the latter's face and hands are covered with blood; he seems to be in shock.

“What happened?”

“Some asshole bumped into Andre,”—he lets out a deep sigh.

“A girl's hurt; she’s bleeding out.”

“Well, then do something; call an ambulance.”

“No, it’s not gonna be here on time.” You hear Cate say as she moves past you, Luke’s hold on you tightens.

“We need to leave Y/N right now, or we’ll be in big trouble.”

You nod away as he drags you into the car.

You wake up with an unbearable headache as you suddenly remember everything that happened last night. God, it was so bad; you just want to go back to bed and sleep away the entire day. But when did school ever allow you that luxury? You also need to check up on Andre and the others. So you make your way into the shower to savour few more minutes of solitude.

Your mind seems a little scrambled as you walk; your eyes focused on the road. All of a sudden, you hear a loud crash. You look over to see a garbage can fallen with trash littered everywhere. With a little closer inspection, you see a stray of blood all around. As you approach, you hear uncontrollable sobbing. You turn around the corner to see a girl crouched as she holds onto her arm.

“Marie?” Marie looks up at you, a little shocked, before she starts crying again.

You walk over to her, alarmed, as you sit down next to her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything.”

The blood still seeping through her cut makes you wince, you place a hand on her shoulder to soothe her. “If this is about yesterday, you saved her. The girl is fine, I called a few people to check up. She’s absolutely fine, you’re a fucking hero.”

She looks at you with a bitter look on her face.

“And you know what prize I’m receiving for it? I’m being fucking expelled; what do I do? I can't go back.” She whispers more to herself than to you.

“What? No. That makes no sense; you saved her. That’s what supes do; if anything, you're going to be transferred into the crime-fighting department for good.”

“Well, I’m not; I’m being expelled. Brink said it to me, to my face, you know why?; to protect you and your friends.”

You look at her as she trembles; a new wave of tears wash through her.

“Look, that’s not going to happen, brink probably panicked; he’s like that about Luke, and you can’t deny the damage that would happen if people found out about what happened.”

“So I have to be your scapegoat.”

“No, you won’t; Luke would never let that happen; he would never let somebody’s life get ruined because of him.

“I highly doubt this is from the board, the board probably doesn’t even know; it was probably brink’s decision to nip it in the bud. People don’t understand that; even supes can’t save everybody, and they get angry when something bad happens because they think we did it on purpose. Luke has a good chance of getting into the seven, but if his reputation is ruined, that’s gone. Brinks worried; he’s just like us; he’s scared.”

“But Godolkin’s not like that; I know everything seems like a façade, with its polished words, corporate environment, and god, the never-ending fucking advertisements.”

Marie chuckles as you let out a laugh.

“They care about their supes, especially the ones who are capable for crime-fighting. You are the ones who protect the world now; they won’t just expell you for trivial reasons.”

“I mean, look at it this way, if they’re going to keep somebody like me around; who barely has any strength or control,” you slowly lift the trash can and move it back to its place as you swivel your fingers. The trash fallen out easier to lift; you put it back into the can. “You think they're going to let go of somebody like you? You're going to be fine, I promise.”

She lets out a deep sigh as she wipes her tears away.

“Telekinesis, huh? It’s cool,” she whispers. “Why aren’t you in crime fighting?”

“Well, they have Andre to do that, and I’m nowhere as powerful. And, uh, I used to have a few issues with control—actually, sometimes I still do. So, I think I’ll just stick to moving boxes for the theatre club. That’s probably the best idea.” You whisper, your mind reverting back to bad memories, and you snap back. You really don’t want to burden her with it.

“But hey, like I said, you will be fine,” you promise her as you squeeze her shoulders once more for assurance.

You drop Marie off at her dorm, encouraging her to rest for some time. On your way, you see Jordan walking past you with an alarmed look on their face. They don’t even bother to respond to your, “hey”; and you wonder just how difficult the whole assistant job really is.

You really don’t have any energy to attend classes today; your attendance is pretty good anyway, bunking classes a day won’t be a problem. You have to talk to Luke about Marie anyway, so you change your route and go to his place. You walk into Luke’s room only to find all the curtains closed; the room is entirely too dark for Luke’s liking. You wonder if he still has classes, then you notice him sitting on his bed, something you didn’t even notice on arrival.

As you walk towards him, you notice that look on his face; he’s been getting it a lot these days. A bad dream, and his mind just goes blank for a while. You’re too scared to ask him what they’re about, and he never gives you a straight answer.

You walk up in front of him; he looks up at you, and it’s almost feels as if he’s staring right through you. You don’t even know if he’s actually acknowledged your presence or not.

You slowly bring a hand to cradle his face. You thought that he’d snap or be surprised, but he doesn’t; he just leans into your hand, with a pained look on his face.

“I’m really tired; my head is killing me, I think... Maybe I should take a nap.”

“Yeah, sure, you want me to leave?”

“No. No, stay; just sleep next to me, please,” he says as he pulls you down to lay next to him. He hugs you a little too tight as you make yourself comfortable.

“It feels like the sleepovers we used to have when we were kids; too bad Sam isn’t here,” he whispers as he leans into you. Your heart breaks at the thought of it. Maybe all you need is a little rest, and maybe everything will be fine.

Everything was not fine at all. You wake up to absolute and utter chaos. Cate seems to be rambling things into her phone, and you can hear the shouting madness outside the room, even through the closed doors.

You sit upright on the bed, rubbing your eyes. The brightness in the room, not helping the situation. You stare at Cate; annoyed, as she stares back at you, her face blanched.

“Do you know?”

“Know what?”

“Oh god! You don’t know, do you, Y/N?”

“What?”

“Brink is dead,” she whispers, but you hear her all the same.

“What!?” you shout back. “How, I—

“I don’t know; Luke and Andre have gone to check on it; I think Jordan’s there too; idk, I hear they’re not letting anybody in either, so idk what’s the point of them going there?”

Everything she says seems to be flying through you; she seems to be saying everything and nothing, all at once.

“No, no; what happened to him? How did he die?”

“We don’t know, some are saying he accidentally lit himself on fire; others say he just left; now there’s this rumour that he hanged himself, which makes no sense because they also say that they haven’t found a body.”

She gets another phone call, and the story is being repeated all over again as you just sit there confused, absolutely and utterly confused.

The days after seemed worse; the authorities barely provided any information, and the dean made it clear that the only thing she wanted her students to focus on was their academics.

The whole thing became just another whisper—a little too quickly for your liking, but what bothered you the most was Luke. He’s been going about life as if nothing had happened, which would be normal for any other student, but he’s not any other student. He’d been so close to brinks; him acting like this doesn’t make any sense. Losing Sam had been so difficult on him, but at least he expressed his pain, anger, and sadness. But this was a whole other level of repression. You were concerned for his well-being; you wish he’d just talk to you, but every time you bring it up, he changes the topic. You’re terrified that suppressing all of these emotions is going to severely damage his mental health.

That’s how you ended up here, in your predicament, barely stable and unable to walk. You didn’t have it in you to deny or stop Luke from using or forcing Andre’s new drugs onto you.

You don’t even know where he’s getting these from, but this one was definitely a little too strong for you. The only reason you haven’t fallen off is because of Luke’s hold on you, but he’s barely coherent himself. You get to your room, and he immediately jumps on the bed as you lie down next to him.

Luke lets out a laugh in his intoxicated state. You turn over and look at him.

“What’s so funny?” You slur away.

“Nothing,” he says as he looks at you. “I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. It’d been so clear; the woods made it so clear; I still didn’t get it.” A timber of anger was in his voice.

“But I’m glad it wasn’t too late; better now than never, right?” He says, more to himself than to you.

“I seriously don’t understand anything that—

Before you finish your sentence, his lips come crashing on to you; you’re so surprised by it that your body goes off kilter.

His lips latch on to yours with even more ferocity, your weak attempt to push him away is countered by his hands roaming all over your body. His warmth suffocating you as you try to make sense of everything.

“Luke stop..., I… what? What are you—

“Shh.. don’t worry ok; I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”

There’s a faraway look in his eyes that terrifies you. One of his hands press on to your stomach, “I’ll protect you, I’ll take care of you, let me take care of you,” he whispers; his hand travels down as he cups your core.

“Ah! Luke; no st— you latch on to his wrist with your hand as his lips find yours again; his hand evades yours without any hesitation.

He unzips your pants as he makes his way in. He bites on to your lip painfully so, and as he revels in your pain, you feel a finger press onto you as it makes its way inside. Too overwhelmed and intoxicated, you feel another one of his fingers slip into you as you push onto his chest. Your eyes flutter to keep you conscious, your body too weak and your mind too scrambled, you let your mind and body fall into the depth of unconsciousness.

You slowly awaken as you feel your head being split apart with pain. Your room still dark due to the curtains; You turn around only to feel a chill pass through your body as you see your clothes littered around. Memories of last night come back to you; A part of you is glad that Luke is not around, yet you wish you could talk to him. You wonder if he realises his own mistake, after all you were both drunk and high last night.

You didn’t blame him entirely, yet your heart ached at the idea of having to face him… or Cate. Your guilt ate you alive, even when you weren’t sure if any of it was your fault.

So you steadily avoided all your friends, you hoped nobody would notice, and even if they did, you could always just blame it on the approaching exams.

Your luck only lasted for a week, as you found Cate at your doorstep.

“I barely see you anymore,” she says, the sadness in her voice undeniable.

“It’s just that... There’s exams, assignments, and so much to finish.”

“Is that so?” she says, chewing on her lip. “I’ll help you with it.”

You’ve been studying for the past 40 minutes, and yet nothing seems to enter your brain; you're not even concentrating on what she’s saying. As you re-read the same page for the 4th time, you hear her say.

“Luke and I broke up, you know?”

“what!?”

“Isn’t that why you won’t talk to me, won’t come see me? because you think I’m mad at you.”

You feel your throat constrict, unable to say anything in your defence, although you couldn’t even decide on what to say.

“Oh, dear Y/N,” she says as she holds your hand.

“It’s not; it’s... It’s actually something I’ve always expected, you know, and things have been quite difficult lately. It’s just not the same as it used to be between us, and you’ve always cared for him, and he’s always protected you.”

“I didn’t even believe it when I first found out you were just friends; I’d always thought that one of you would snap out of it. But when Luke asked me out, it was too good to pass.”

“I don’t care,” she says as her eyes tear up.

“I found you and all of our other friends, and that’s all thanks to Luke.”

“I still care for him and you very dearly, ok? I want you to know that I’d never be mad, or fault you for realising the feelings you’ve always had.”

As she spoke to you, all you could do was stare at her; confused and unable to explain anything.

The initial confusion and dread after Cate’s confession soon turned into anger, and after her departure, you found yourself barging into Luke’s room. If he was surprised to see you, he didn’t show it.

“What did you tell Cate?”

“Is that what this is about, Cate? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all these days?” He says as he comes near you in an attempt to hold you; however, you move to the side; uncomfortable with the whole situation. His face hardens at that, yet his voice remains calm. If you had known better, you’d think he was angry, but this is Luke, your Luke. He never gets angry, not at you.

“Luke I think there’s a confusion; you were high, I was high, I didn’t.. ”

“Cate is fine. Y/N, you’re just worried. Your pushing your feelings aside because you're scared, scared of ruining our friendship, scared that you’ll lose control; you're sacred that you’ll ruin everything like you always do, but you won't. I promise you; I’ll be there for you. I love you, and I always will.”

His words prick you, and you feel your anger bubbling up.

“No, no, no. I’m not… I don’t. Don’t you see I didn’t want to, that night? But you wouldn’t listen; I don’t want you; I don’t want this, whatever you’ve imagined it to be.” The frustration is now evident in your tone.

You’re both quite for a while as he stares at you; the air around you is tense.

“Are you saying that I raped you.” his voice unremorseful of his actions, you feel your breath hitch; you didn’t even what to think of it, let alone say it out aloud.

“I…”

“Really, cuz who do you think is going to believe that?”

His voice had turned cold in a way that was almost unrecognisable to you.

“Cate, Jordan, Andre, I mean, the entire fucking school knows how you are. How you look at me, how you follow me around like a little lost puppy, how you practically cannot exist without me; how completely in love with me you are,” he spits venom as he walks towards you.

“It’s because you’re my best friend.” You cry out, your eyes blurry with tears.

“Exactly, and best friends don’t go around spreading lies about their best friends.”

He takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh as he places his hands on his hips.

“I really don’t want to do this, Y/N, but you leave me with no choice.”

You see his eyes shine burning gold as he approaches you, the heat around you increasing. You move back and dash against the wall. In your panic, you move your fingers to throw a book at him from the shelf nearby. It hits him on the head; he stops for a second, yet it does nothing to deter him; if anything, he’s more angry.

You feel heat sear through you and for a spilt second you believe he might actually kill you. His hands finds yours; the fire in his eyes gone along with your charred ashen clothes.

You feel your whole body tremble, this cannot be happening again. Your inability to stop him makes you feel weak and useless.

You feel his arms wrap around your hips as he pulls you closer, your entire body pressed against his. You feel his heat seep into you, he presses his face into the crook of your neck as he breaths you in, you can feel his heart beat next to yours, but unlike your fast paced frenzy his seems calm.

He pushes you on to the floor and you feel his pelvis dig into you, one of his hands finds your jaw as he kisses you.

“I love you a lot Y/N, I care for you. I’m here to protect you, I won’t lose you, I can’t lose you. You have no idea how dangerous godolkin is, everyone here lies. They don’t care about me, you or any of us.”

He moves his head to look at you, he slowly leans in and snugs himself inside you. One of his hands moves to grope your breast as he slowly thrusts into you, you try to push him off but his other hand moves to hold your hands above you.

The pacing of his thrusts increase and you feel his hot breath on your face, your eye lashes flutter as you feel the tears stain your cheek. His hands moves to your hip and holds on to it so tightly you're sure it’ll bruise.

You feel a knot form inside you, your entire body seething in pain and pleasure. You feel the rush hit high as you come, clenching on to him as both of your moans get mingled.

His hands move towards yours as his fingers intertwine with yours, “You’re mine; mine to love, mine to protect and mine to punish, everybody knows it; but I don’t mind having to prove it, and I think I’ll just have to start with you.”

*

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

For as long as I've had cash to carry, I've carried a little cash in my wallet explicitly to give anyone out panhandling when I'm running errands, or hitchhikers when I drop them off. I learned the habit from my mom who carried a lil tote bag in the trunk with cash, travel hygeine kits, and nut/wheat free protein bars and water bottles. She picked up a lot of people on the way out to Chico and other ag towns, and it was important to her that she always leave them at their destination with resources.

One day, I was driving a date home from lunch and we had our leftovers in the car with us. I pulled off to give a man a little younger than I am now my on-hand cash and when we drove off my date started scolding me for giving him my money instead of giving him our leftovers.

I was, frankly, stunned. The idea that it would be better to hand the man a styrofoam box with a half eaten burger than to give him a $10 bill he could use to buy his own food was baffling to me.

"Well, if he's really homeless, I'm sure he'd be grateful for anything. And besides, he's just some stranger off the street! Why do you just believe what his sign says?" My date was so sure that I had given the man money because I pitied him. Because I wanted to help. Simply couldn't fathom that I'd done it because he asked and I could do so.

See, I don't give out my on-hand cash because people are needy and I am benevolent. I do it because people who ask for what they need have to be able to interact with people who will give them what they ask for in full recognition of their humanity. It's what lets you KEEP asking for what you need when it matters or is hard. And trust me. No one is asking a road full of strangers to help them meet their needs if it didn't matter to do so. I don't really care WHY they need what they need or if they're honest with me about it. It's not important to me to know those things. Someone asked. I could answer. So I did.

I've been seeing the conversation of "can you really trust who people say they are on the internet? Why are you giving money to strangers? What if they're scamming you?" popping back up more often as the world descends into conflict and climate change and medical neglect. I get it. If people can just post a sob story and get away with defrauding people of thousands of dollars, it feels unjust! Maybe you're even offended on behalf of ACTUAL victims and the money they might not get because it went to a fraudster!

It sounds just like my date that day, so sure that I was giving money to a young man on a street corner because I saw him as broken and in need of my salvation. If you are giving to strangers and upset that the money may serve different functions than you believed at the time, then why ARE you giving to strangers? Why do you feel so entitled to micromanage someone's life because you might give or have given them a gift? Perhaps you should reserve your gifts for those whom you won't feel compelled to attach strings.

I give to fundraisers online not because I assume every one is genuine. Do I check things out? Sure! But I also assume that once I have chosen to give, even someone who has been totally honest in their pleas may still spend "my money" on something unrelated. Why should I care? It was a gift. It's not mine anymore.

"But I could/would have spent it better!" Then you should have. But you chose to spend it by making it a gift. You don't get to dominate somebody because of that. If you're NOT confident that you are fine never thinking about the money again once you give it to the person in question, don't give it to them! But don't make yourself the person who demands why others give cash to panhandlers who "might not actually need it" instead of some other, more insulting option. Honestly best practice is probably to Simply Not Comment on how others spend their money unless it is somehow also your money and you need to access it.

I think it would be good to learn that about online fundraisers too. Especially when the consequences of falsely naming someone a faker or a fraud is, as it so often has been when it comes to the dynamic of begging strangers for money, a fucking death sentence. Maybe you just let people make the choice they're most comfortable with and do the same for yourself without acting like you have the right to the roles of judge, jury, and executioner.

And if you think this is about a specific set of fundraisers? Yes. It is. It's about nearly every surge of desperate fundraising I've seen over the last decade. And I'm sure it'll be about the next decade's worth too. The internet is the modern world's traffic stop, and social media fundraising is the new panhandling. The arguments for and against haven't changed just because the medium has.

[wizzdot]

Sunshine

Chapter 3

Description: where the hell did this motivation come from?! Anyway. Ray gets some background added here, also soon to be reunited with some old friends, if you can call them that, of hers. Hint: they’re Mexican…

You shouldn’t have hesitated. Should have marched straight on out while you still had the chance. But he had called you by your name. It still catches you off guard. You much prefer to be detached from people, you like the unfamiliarity of Ray, or better yet, sergeant, soldier, or whatever the hell your higher ups wanted to call you.

“Please, y/n, wait..” he tries again. You close your eyes at the sound of your name, once again, caught off guard. “Let me explain.. please..”

“Don’t start begging, Garrick” you murmur, not turning around, scared that if you make eye contact with him, he might sway you.

“Give us a chance. C’mon. For old time’s sake, huh? We were always a good team, me and you.. once you get to know the oth”—

“Stop right there. Don’t go any further” you warn, still not facing him, but holding up a hand in a signal to halt his rambling.

“You left, moved on to bigger and better things.. I get that, Gaz, I do, and well done for that.. but I was left in the dirt, remember? Called in to help provide extra support for your op. My entire unit was wiped from existence within hours. And you expect me to come skipping back into the fray, with a team of strangers, might I add, who already have prior reason not to trust me, and expect me to put my neck on the chopping board..?”

Kyle looks taken aback by your outburst, gulping slightly. “No.. no, it’s not like that.. and, I’m not a stranger, am I?” he says with a hopeful smile.

“Aren’t you?” you reply, with a bite. Kyle inhales sharply, clearly upset by your mean words.

“..you’ve changed” he speaks now, quietly. Your stomach drops, it sounded more like he was accusing you.. it didn’t feel good. It felt like you were letting him, hell - everyone, down.

Really? Hadn’t noticed your brain supplies, but doesn’t verbalise. You just scoff at his statement instead, trying not to let it eat you alive.

“When we first met, when we were sixteen, seventeen?.. you were happier.. nicer” yeah, that’s a low blow, Garrick... “you were proud to be serving. I remember thinking ‘wow she’s one of the good ones’.. y’know? Not one of the pricks that join as a dick measuring contest, but someone who wanted to make a different. Try to save lives, and do the right thing…”

You listen to Kyle, his words actually starting to make inroads into breaking down the wall you’d built. No, don’t let him in!!

“I was ignorant” you mutter.

“No, you weren’t”

“I was stupid” you rebut, quickly.

“Definitely weren’t. You’re were the smartest of all of us. Still are, probably” Kyle argues.

“Fine whatever.. I’m not like that anymore. The me from before.. she’s misshapen and deformed. She’s gone. There’s no coming back from that.”

“Nah, she’s still there somewhere..the fact you’re still standing there, listening to me, tells me otherwise..” damn you, Garrick.

As if on cue, the bitch nurse from the front desk pops her head through the door. “Time’s up” she snips.

“I was just leaving anyway” you snap back, stepping forward to leave the room. You expect Kyle to pipe up from behind you, try to convince you to stay. But he stays silent. That’s weird. Why do I want to look? Why is my head turning without my consent?

You look back. Stupid bitch, why did I look back?! Your eyes are instantly drawn to his. He is looking right back at you, with strength and determination in his eyes. He gives you a single nod. “I’ll see you later, Ray”.

Will you? You sound so sure about that..?

Fucking Kyle Garrick! That boy had managed to wear you down. You’d spent so long building up those walls, convincing yourself that you weren’t a soldier anymore, convincing yourself that you were out. For good. Why then, were your feet matching you straight back towards the Captain’s office?

You barge through, not going to the bother of knocking. The three men, who were clearly in the thick of a heated discussion, go silent, and stare at you. You take three strong steps up to the Captain’s desk, slamming both hands against the wood, loudly.

“You have about two minutes to explain why I’m here, what you want from me, and why you’ve kept tabs on me for years” you growl at the Captain, who looks completely calm, as is this was normal for him.

“Awkt, see! Telt you the lassie would come around tae the idea!” the Scottish voice laughs, in the silence of the office.

You spin, like a beast possessed, marching toward the mo-hawked man, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, shaking him up slightly.

“And YOU, have about two seconds, to shut the fuck up, or get the fuck out. I don’t know who the fuck you are, but if you keep talking to me, or about me, you’ll find out what my fuckin’ fist feels like..” his mouth snaps shut, and he nods, in an almost childlike way.

The masked Lieutenant just grumbles a short chuckle, and stays silent.

You return to Price’s desk and raise an eyebrow, checking your watch dramatically (totally ignoring the fact that your wrist was not clad in a watch whatsoever)

“Minute and a half left, captain. Better start taking..” you warn.

“Alright, soldier, listen up. I tried to take both you and Garrick at the same time. Red tape bullshit stopped me from doing that. I went to the higher ups and by the time I was cleared to take you, you’d been absorbed into another unit. We were busy on ops and time ran away from me. Gaz kept on nagging me to get onto Laswell, but all I kept hearing was that you were deployed, over seas, on leave and so on..”

You listen, in silence, hunched over his desk, the anger that had been radiating off of you, slowly, ever so slowly, dissipating.

“Anyway, when your unit crossed paths in Russia, I had planned to bring the transfer up to Laswell upon completion, seeing as you were finally right there, in front of us. I don’t think anyone expected it to end the way it did. We were fed bad intel, the mission was a bust. You know as well as I do, you were all wiped. We only just made it out, Shepherd somehow weaselled his way out as well, not even a scratch on the old bastard” Price scoffs, clearly not a fan of Shepherd.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it went wrong.. really..” he apologises. I look at my boots, and gulp.

“30 seconds left..” I grit out, trying not to show emotion.

“We circled back, covered the dead zones. You weren’t there. We assumed.. you were killed. Gaz wouldn’t leave it, though. At the very least, that boy wanted to bury a body. But there was nothin’ to be found of you apart from a smashed up pistol, that Garrick insisted was yours. I must admit, I didn’t understand why he was so adamant about you. You were a stranger to the rest of us, after all..”

“To cut a long story short, we’ve needed someone with your skillset for a few years. I would have given you a contract the day of the ceremony, but.. we know what happened. I saw it, that day, our first face to face conversation, that you needed a break. You needed time to cool off. I didn’t know Garrick had a tracker in his wallet. Not until he told me a few months later. I thought you’d reach out. Us soldiers, even when we promise that we’re out for good, we crawl back, hell or high water. When you didn’t surface, after a year, I asked Laswell to check on you.. to make sure you hadn’t…”

“Wishful thinking..” you interrupt, solemnly joking at the fact they’d thought you’d topped yourself.

The captain’s jaw ticks at your dark humour, but he continues anyway. “I have a few pieces of intel that we need to follow. We are headed to Mexico, within the week, could do with a sniper and Spanish speaker.. I want you to be a member of Taskforce 1-4-1. I want you to understand, though, that this team is my family. We would bleed and die for each other. If you join, that extends to you. Understood?”

“………”

[fascinorous-argonaut]

I am still full of the love you want

Hello, everybody! It's my first time posting a fic here. Well, it's my first time here on Tumblr at all, so please, be kind. English is also *not* my first language. Grammaly helps but don't do magic. Enjoy. ~ Daredevil.

Once again, there he was—her husband—lying on the couch at 3AM with a book in his hands. *Again*.

Clarice understood. He had only just returned from prison, wrongfully convicted of a crime he didn’t commit.

It had devastated her, but she managed to pull through. She had stayed by his side, just like they had both promised three years ago when they got married.

When the news came that he was being released, that his team had found the real culprit, Clarice cried with joy. *Her Spencer* was finally free, and that meant he was coming home—back to *her*.

But the man standing before her now wasn’t the same *husband* she remembered. He barely spoke to her, and ever since he came back from prison, he had been sleeping on the couch. It had been nearly two months.

*She understood*. He was angry, sad, and likely traumatized by whatever he had gone through while locked away.

But she missed him in every way imaginable. She missed his random conversations, his laughter, and *God*, even his touch. She missed *him*, and the fact that he was physically there but emotionally distant was breaking her heart.

All she wanted was to be there for him, but every time she tried, he shut her out.

And there she was again, standing there with her arms crossed, an almost pleading look in her eyes as she watched him.

"It’s 3AM… can’t you sleep?" she asked softly, careful not to step too close to him or the couch. She didn’t want to upset him.

Spencer glanced up from his book, his expression blank. "No, I’m sleeping. Can’t you tell?" he replied, his tone laced with sarcasm.

Clarice lifted her hands slowly, showing her palms to him as a sign of peace while taking a step back. "I’m sorry, honey," she whispered, looking down at the floor before glancing back at Spencer. "I didn’t mean to disturb you."

Spencer sighed heavily. He closed the book he was reading and placed it on the coffee table in front of him. The only light in the room came from a lamp next to the couch. He ran his hands through his hair, visibly frustrated.

"No, you’re not disturbing me," he mumbled quietly, pausing for a moment. "I just... I just need some time, I guess."

His tone wasn’t as sharp or harsh as it had been on other occasions.

"Yes, I... I get it," she continued in a whisper, as if afraid that raising her voice above a whisper would stir up a storm.

Spencer glanced at her. She was walking on eggshells around him. He could see it in the way she spoke, the way she stood with her hands raised, palms forward, and the way she took slow steps backward.

He felt like a wounded animal, and she was approaching him carefully, trying not to scare him away or trigger his defenses.

"Hey... could you come here, please?" he said, motioning her toward him.

She lowered her palms and, step by step, quietly walked toward Spencer, watching his every movement. "Sure."

The reply was simple, but if there was one thing certain about the situation, it was that neither of them was sure of anything.

Spencer patted the spot on the couch next to him, gesturing for her to sit down.

"I'm not going to bite you," he said with a slight hint of humor in his voice—a rare occurrence these days.

He knew he hadn’t been the most welcoming or communicative partner since he had come home. To say he had been unpleasant would be an understatement.

Finally, she sat next to him, on the edge of the couch, keeping both hands in her lap.

Even though she maintained a calm facade, her heart was racing. Being this close to him, after everything that had happened, was unusual. It was so rare that she had no clue how she was supposed to behave around him. Saying they were strangers living under the same roof would be generous. They were worse than that. They were two people who knew each other deeply yet didn’t know one another at all.

He noticed her body language:

The stiffness in her shoulders, the way she kept her hands clasped in her lap, the tension in her expression. This didn’t feel like the easy-going relationship they had shared just a few months ago.

He missed that.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer looked at her, his gaze steady.

"You know you don’t have to act like a stranger with me, right?" he asked quietly, trying to dispel the tension between them.

"I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you anymore." She wanted to take the words back, but the truth was too heavy to swallow.

It was a brutal truth.

Spencer's heart sank a little at her words. The fact that she didn’t know how to act around him stung.

For a moment, he said nothing, just looking down at his hands, his expression unreadable.

But when he spoke, his voice was soft—almost vulnerable.

"You could start by treating me like your husband again."

"Treat me like your husband again." Those words felt like a hard slap to her face. Clarice could swear she felt her cheek burn from a touch that never came.

"What I know and what I feel are two entirely different things." She ran both hands through her short hair. "I know you're my husband. But I don't feel you anymore."

His breath caught in his chest.

Deep down, he knew he was responsible for that. He had shut her out, pushed her away, kept her at arm’s length. But hearing her say those words out loud made it all too real.

"I..." he started, but the words trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. He knew she was right. He wasn’t the same.

"I'm sorry," he muttered after a moment. "I know I’ve been distant. But prison changed me, I—"

"It's not your fault. It is not your fault," her tone was firm yet soft.

She wasn’t blind, of course. Clarice knew he was suffering. They both were. They were lost in a storm of unspoken feelings and painful memories.

"But it is," Spencer insisted, frustration creeping into his voice. "I'm not the same person I was before. And I’ve been taking it all out on you. This isn’t fair to you."

He paused, looking directly at her, his gaze intense.

"I don’t expect you to forgive me overnight, but I can't keep pushing you away. I don’t want to be the reason we’re so distant."

"Please, for the last time. It’s not your fault. It’s not as if you could avoid the changes. It would be strange if you hadn’t changed at all. You went through hell and back, and I—" the pain in her throat reminded Clarice of the tears she was holding back. "This isn’t fair to us, honey."

Spencer felt a pang in his chest as her voice cracked. He saw the pain in her eyes, the tears she was trying to hold back, and it killed him.

"I... we," he corrected himself. "We went through hell. Both of us. And I’ve been too wrapped up in my own pain and anger to see how much you’ve been hurting too."

He reached out and gently took her hand in his.

"And I’m so sorry for it. I’m sorry for shutting you out. I’m so sorry, baby."

The sudden touch surprised her, but in a more positive way than she expected. Her eyes met his, oh, those beloved brown eyes.

But there was more than just his usual tired demeanor. Finally, she started noticing the environment around them. The book Spencer had left on the coffee table was marked about halfway through. By now, he should have finished it. Knowing how fast he could read, an unfinished book could only mean one thing.

"When did your migraines come back?" she asked softly.

Spencer froze. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide it from her for long, but dammit, that woman was perceptive.

He sighed heavily, letting go of her hand and rubbing his temples as a mild headache began to emerge.

"Two weeks ago," he admitted. "They've been pretty bad, but I didn’t want to worry you."

He grimaced, his expression a mixture of pain and exhaustion.

"Are you taking any medication?" Her tone was calm but serious.

His history with Dilaudid was no secret to her. And after the incidents in prison, he had to get clean all over again, which only made him even more cautious about any kind of medication.

The result? Spencer didn’t take anything—not even vitamins.

"No," he said with a sigh, still massaging his temple. "I’m not taking anything. I don’t want to risk... you know."

He didn’t need to finish the sentence. They both knew his history with addiction. Now, he had a strong aversion to any medication because of it.

"I've just been trying to manage them the best I can," he continued. "Taking it easy, avoiding too much stress, that kind of thing. But it’s been a rough two weeks."

"Let me help you, Spencer," she whispered, still looking deeply into his eyes.

Spencer met her gaze, a mixture of exhaustion and vulnerability in his eyes.

He was so used to handling those migraines on his own, but God, he missed having her by his side.

Her presence, her touch, her soothing words... she had always been his comfort during his hardest days.

He nodded slowly before speaking.

"I need your help," he admitted quietly. "I can’t keep doing this alone."

Clarice gently lifted the hand he was holding to her lips.

"You’re not alone, Spencer. You never are."

His heart ached at her touch and her words.

He knew he wasn’t truly alone, but these past two months had made him feel like he was.

He was so glad he had been wrong.

He looked at her with a mix of sadness and gratitude, his voice hoarse. "I don’t know what I would do without you."

He squeezed her hand gently, adding, "I’ve missed you so much."

"I miss you too, Spencer. So much."

Clarice let go of his hand gently. "I’ll be right back," she muttered before standing up and disappearing toward the kitchen.

Spencer watched her go, a mix of curiosity and anticipation in his eyes. He wondered what she had in mind.

He remained seated on the couch, still rubbing his temple in a futile attempt to soothe the building headache. He waited patiently, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the pain throbbing through his skull.

She came back moments later with a large bowl of hot water and a towel draped over her right shoulder.

"Careful," she warned as she placed it down next to his feet.

Spencer's eyes widened slightly at the sight of the bowl and towel. He knew what she was about to do, and a rush of emotions coursed through him. His headache seemed to intensify for a moment, pressure building behind his eyes, but he stayed still, watching her closely. He leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath.

"You don’t have to do this," he said quietly. "It’s not your problem."

"You," she said, her tone firm yet with a hint of playfulness, "married a neurologist, Dr. Spencer Reid, and truly expected me to just sit here while my husband, who won’t even take an aspirin, suffers through a migraine? Tell me."

She had a point.

Spencer chuckled softly, despite the pain. He knew there was no arguing with her once she was in this determined mode. He opened his eyes and looked at her, a mixture of affection and resignation in his gaze.

"You’ve always been too stubborn for your own good," he said, his voice full of warmth. Then, in a softer tone, he added, "And I don’t deserve you."

After placing the bowl by his feet, she gently took each one in her hands and submerged them in the warm water, massaging them with skilled touches.

"You deserve the world," Clarice whispered, lifting her head and looking up at him.

The warm water, combined with her expert touch, sent waves of relief through his body, and a small sigh escaped his lips.

He looked down at her, his expression a mix of pain and pleasure. At her words, a small smile crept onto his face, his heart swelling with gratitude. But after a moment, his expression grew somber again, and he shook his head slightly.

"I don't deserve you," he repeated, his voice thick with emotion.

"You deserve the world," she softly echoed.

Spencer could almost feel the love in her words wrapping around him like a warm, comforting blanket. It was exactly what he needed. He closed his eyes, his breath catching as the headache began to ease, little by little.

For a moment, he remained silent, savoring the feeling of her touch and the closeness they hadn’t shared in so long.

When he finally spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

"You are my world."

Clarice felt her heart warm at his affectionate declaration. It had been so long since he had said something like that.

Too long since they had said anything like that to each other.

In his words, she recognized someone she hadn’t felt in a long time: her husband.

The headache continued to ease as she massaged his feet, her touch like a soothing balm to his aching muscles and mind. For the first time in a long while, he felt a sense of peace and contentment in her presence.

He watched her in silence, taking in her every feature, her every movement. He had missed this closeness. He had missed her so damn much.

He reached out a hand and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I’ve missed this... I’ve missed you," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and nodded slowly. "I miss you too, honey," she whispered, as if speaking too loudly might make him vanish into thin air.

The sound of her voice, soft and sweet like honey, only made him want her more. His heart ached with the need to pull her closer, to feel her body against his, to kiss her, to hold her.

"Come here," he said, his voice gruff and hoarse. He patted his lap, his eyes dark with longing. "Please."

He needed her closer, needed to feel her, touch her.

Clarice left his feet in the bowl and slowly stood, drying her hands with the towel. Then, slowly, she sat in his lap, wrapping her arms gently around his neck and resting her chin on the top of his head.

As she settled into his lap, Spencer felt a wave of relief and contentment wash over him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in deeply, taking in the scent of her skin and hair. A wave of emotions—sadness, relief, love, desire—washed over him, all intertwined and overpowering.

He held her tightly, as if afraid she might disappear, and he whispered against her skin, "I need you... so much. I love you so much."

She tightened the hug. "I love you, Spencer. So much. I'm not going anywhere."

Those words, coming from her lips, settled something deep within him. She wasn’t going anywhere. She was there, in his arms, where she belonged.

He pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her. His eyes, filled with a mix of sadness and love, met hers.

"Promise me," he said, his voice soft but firm. "Promise me, you'll never leave me."

"I promise you. I'm not leaving you," Clarice replied in the same tone.

Spencer felt a wave of relief wash over him at her promise. He squeezed her tightly, his eyes closing as he buried his face back in her neck. He inhaled deeply, savoring her scent and the feeling of her body against his, trying to memorize every detail, to imprint this moment in his mind forever.

He whispered against her skin, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"I don't deserve you."

"You deserve the world," she whispered, closing her eyes as his warm breath brushed her neck.

She let out a soft gasp at his kisses—familiar, yet somehow new.

"Spencer..." Her whisper was a call. A call for everything they had left behind, for all the future would bring, for the love she used to know, for the man he had become, but above all, for her husband. Her Spencer.

Her gasp, a mix of pleasure and recognition, sent a jolt through his entire body. She was feeling the same thing he was.

His hands continued to explore her skin, desperate to relearn every curve and contour he had missed. He pressed his lips to her collarbone, his voice a rough whisper against her flesh.

"I've missed you," he repeated, his voice thick with emotion. "I've missed holding you, touching you, feeling you... I've missed us."

"Spencer," she whispered, lowering her lips to his ear, "Are you done sleeping on the couch?"

He chuckled lightly, both at her words and the feeling of her warm breath against his ear. He pulled back slightly to look at her, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"Are you trying to invite me to our bed, honey?" he asked, his voice low and sultry, his thumbs tracing small circles on her hips.

"I’m summoning you," she whispered before pressing her lips to his forehead.

Her words, her touch, her invitation sent a shiver down his spine. He was powerless to resist her, not that he ever had before.

His hands moved to her hips, pulling her even closer, as he nuzzled his face into her neck. He pressed a kiss to the soft skin above her collarbone, his voice a low rumble.

He hummed at her words, his heart swelling with love and desire.

"And it worked. I yield completely to your beck and call" he said, his voice dripping with affection and an edge of humor.

He tilted his head, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, his hand coming up to cup her face, his thumb tracing her jawline.

"Take me to bed, love" he whispered against her lips.

Dear @whoisspence , I hope this is what you were looking for. ~ Daredevil

[aboutdifferentthings]

Jess never stood a chance with Lorelai. 

I have read a lot about Lorelai trying to be nice to Jess and trying to help and what a douche bag he was because of the way he talked to her in 2x05. I will not say that he was not  harsh and rude but, honestly, I get it. In fact, I do not only get it, I find him quite restrained during the episode until it is just too much. His wording was far from best but  he was completely right about he said.  

What happens in 2x05 is  what sets the path of their relationship because as Lorelai herself said once.  

And Jess is not what she wants him to be. She wants Jess to be like she was at his age but he is not and that is what she never gets. 

She has a bad disposition towards him even before she meets him. She tells Luke  if he needs her she will be there but it just sounds forced because she only says it after not getting him to say she is right.

But what I think is the key are these two sentences.   

These sentences show how Lorelai has no faith in Luke doing this but guess who is a great communicator? Guess who is going to be able to straighten him out with her charm? Yes. Exactly.

When Lorelai and Jess meet Jess is being polite enough.

He says ‘hi' he waits (more or less patiently) while she says her daughter can show him where the wilding takes place   ( half joking, assuming he is wild). He goes after  ‘the class is dismissed’ line. She gets upset. She was expecting him to  laugh around her jokes because she was being cool and nice?  He is angry, he is hurting, he has all the right not to be happy but she is not taking that into account because she is in the ‘I know what to do’ mode. 

When Jess meets Mia, he acts more or less the same than with Lorelai . It is not personal, it is how he is feeling.

However the difference between Mia’s and Lorelai’s reactions is huge. I am Happy Lorelai found Mia, I wished Jess had found someone like Mia too.    

Luke and Jess make it to the dinner (the worst of the nightmares for a socially awkward teenager)  but he stills holds it. Lorelai’s face when she does not get him to be supper happy because he got invited to her house with a bunch of strangers after being kicked out from his home says it all. 

She is so ready to fix this boy and his situation because she knows.  

Jess still behaves when he meets Sookie and Jackson and he gets to interact with Rory and ask her to bail with him ( he needed hardly one minute to ask her to walk around with him or sit on a bench and look at their feet, just saying). 

He stays, and he would have made it to the table but he needed some air, and he took the beer and she finds him. If she would have just said. - Sorry Jess no beer allowed today, we are waiting for you at the table, I am sure  he would have come in ( not in the best mood, probably but he would have). Instead she goes with the fake tone again, half joke, over acting ‘refreshing’ and from there to the you are not hungry. And Jess talks. 

He says he is not hungry but she does not listen and she ‘guesses’ ‘you do not want to be here’ and he talks ‘I doesn’t matter’ but she is still not listening, she goes on 'in Star Hollow'…. Of course he doesn’t want to be in Stars Hollow, he wants to be home, and she does not get it because she ran away from home and was happy to find Stars Hollow and Mia and she assumes it is the same for him. She run from home but Jess wished he had one. And here comes it, The little advice….  

No Lorelai, you have not been there. This kid was abandoned by his father when he was a baby, this kid has been kicked out of his home by his neglecting addictive,  abusive mother because he was being a nuisance she didn’t need. You have been in a bad place but it was a different place, you have not been in his place. He is not playing the ‘my parents don’t get me thing’ he is not maybe screwed,  his feelings are not maybe valid instead his parents do not love him, he has been living in a traumatic situation you can not imagine all his life, his feelings are totally valid. Are you really telling him he is lucky? Yes, she is.

Here is the thing, she tried to be Mia but the problem is that she is not being genuine. She is doing it because she wants to be the cool understanding adult who totally gets this rebel boy and to show Luke how well she can handle the situation and how clueless he is, but it backfires because she is the one being clueless:  Jess is a high sensitive boy who is going  through a lot and she has zero empathy with him. She patronizes him and what happens is that he can see through her, he can feel no connection, he could never trust her because she thinks she already knows everything so she does not listen, she has zero interest is what is really going on with him.

You can see the change of expression in Jess’ face the second Lorelai says Luke is very special. He detects something but she is so absorbed in her own discourse she can not read Jess and she still has the audacity to say ‘you are so lucky’. That is the last straw. He snaps at her with the 'you are naive or you are getting some’ but really, what did she expect? 

She expected him to say: ‘yeah, thank you, you are right I will give it a chance I am sorry I took the bier’. And when this does not happen she wants to smash a pie in his face and decides he is screwed forever. 

She is completely overreacting because she can not believe he has not surrender to her. And she decides to hate him from here to the end of times. She will never accept he might have a good side. She will hold onto this conversation and build her own image of Jess. No matter if he, Luke or Rory try  to change her mind, she will always think the worst of him. 

Let me show you what Mia tells Emily about the day she met Lorelai.  

And what Emily answered.

Emily would have wanted Lorelai to find someone who did not listen to her and sent her home. She never listened to Lorelai. Lorelai never listened   to Jess (and very little to Rory). Lorelai wanted to be Mia  but she turned out to be Emily.

 He never stood a chance with her. 

[sugurufic]

What are your thoughts on the reader and teen nanami attending an improv comedy show…

Oh this is so interesting! I am not funny, like at all, so please don't judge my terrible jokes T^T as always, its not proofread

Nanami, Haibara and you had a lot of fun planned for the weekend, but Haibara had to return home to his family. His sister had gotten a bad fever and he was worried sick about her.

So you and Nanami still went about the plans, going to the mall for some shopping and to the city center to eat, and then return to your respective dorms. The two of you hadn't hung out much without Haibara, his absence weighing you down. With Haibara it was easy to ignore how Nanami's presence made you feel, but now it was practically impossible, with him walking beside you in the mall, dressed in normie clothes.

"Hey ma'am, hey sir!" an attendant at the mall greeted you cheerfully. "We have a free of cost improv comedy session going on, would you care to join us?"

You have always loved improv comedy, watching videos on the internet, but you've never seen one in person. Besides, how bad could it get? It's not like you were wasting any money this way.

"Nanami, can we go, please?" you plead, batting your eyelashes at the blond man, who doesn't even argue.

"Thank you for joining us!" the attendant yells behind you.

"I really hope that it doesn't turn out to be a waste of time," Nanami says as you sit beside him. The room still has some empty seats, but it's a great news that there are people to see a new comedian.

"I don't think it will be," you say, scooting a little closer to him as the air conditioning sent a shiver under your skin.

The empty seats fill up quickly, and the lights are dimmed, waiting for the comedian to take the stage. You are unfamiliar with the man who comes on the stage, viewing his audience with a smile on his face. "Hey everyone! Thank you for being here. You really are helping me convince my parents that maybe I can pull this comedy thing off," He starts of with a jolly voice. "You know, after I wasted four years of my life on an engineering degree."

You chuckle, having heard something similar from plenty of comedians. the man looks over his audience, eyes flickering to a stop to someone on the other end of the room. "Oh, I have a young crowd with me. I really hope you don't get influenced by me. it's not my fault if your mum slaps you with a slipper for not wanting to go to college."

"How old even are you?" he asks the same person. "That young! Now I will feel guilty about making the jokes I had planned." The man shakes his head. "Anyways, you know I am not entirely upset that i did college. I now have more things to make jokes about. Anyone who did CS and now everyone is suddenly asking them to fix computers?"

A surprising number of people raise their hands, and you chuckle once again. Nanami fixes his bangs beside you, trying to hide his rolling eyes. But you know him too well to know what he's doing.

"My parents forbade from speaking to the opposite gender all throughout school. And now that I'm an engineer by degree, they want me to get married." He sighs. "You are too young to understand this. How many of you have partners?" a good number of people raised their hands. "And how many of parent's know?" most hands went down.

The comedian's eyes fall on the pair of you and he asks Nanami, "Hey, blond guy! Is that pretty lady your girlfriend?"

Your face heats up and you can barely look at Nanami, who has gone pink. "N-No," he manages to say.

"Your face tells me otherwise," the comedian laughs. "For those of you who cannot see, Mr. Blond Guy has turned red. The lady seems flustered too. You two did come together, right? Or did I just embarrass two strangers sitting next to each other."

"We go to the same school," You manage to say, despite your flustered state. "And we're friends."

"Miss, maybe you should ask blond guy. He seems very shy." the comedian chuckles.

"I don't think I'm her type," Nanami mumbles in a small voice, and you give him the biggest side eye you have ever given to anyone.

"Judging by the lady's reaction, I'd say you are wrong, buddy." the man laughs. "See people, please tell your friends I helped set up a relationship. If any of your friends need a wingman, please join me on my next shows."

When you leave the mall, you walk together in silence, not even getting the courage to look at him. But you bite down your fears and say, "What gave you the impression that you aren't my type?" You still don't look at him, but your hands are in front of you, trying to grasp the air. "Because then I'd have to fix that. You are exactly my type."

Oh no, you think. You may have spoken to much. "Please ignore what I just said if you don't like me back."

"I do," Nanami softy says, and you whip you head towards him, seeing a rare smile on his face. His cheeks are still dusted a light shade of pink and he looks so cute you could kiss him. "I never thought you could like me like that."

"OH you blind man," you sigh, intertwining your fingers when his hand reaches for yours. "Let's just do this again later, okay?"

"Okay," Nanami says, the smile not leaving his face.

[byleraddict14]

Hello, my fellow Stranger Things fans. I have unfortunately reread one of my own posts and sent my mind spiraling and needed to recap on this. I will state I am a huge Mike defender simply because there's a lot about his character that tends to get ignored. Now, to begin with his relationships with his fellow party members. First up is El

Now, I have seen over the years a lot of hate for Mike's relationship with El, and I don't just mean the romantic aspect but also the way they function as a couple. In seasons three and four, there was a lot of comparing Mike to Brenner and the controlling her and what she likes. Max told her to find what she likes, not what Hopper or Mike liked, but what I find interesting is Mike never actually forces his likes on her. He doesn't force her to play DnD or dress a certain way. Let's be honest her lack of clothing options are completely on Hopper. He is her guardian and didn't ask what she would want to wear. It was also never specified whose idea it was to lie about curfew it was just assumed El not spending much time with everyone else was on Mike. To be honest, El has a tendency to tear down the things Mike enjoys. El made fun of his singing, and he didn't sing again after that. He also began to believe DnD was childish after they started dating, but that's kinda on him. I have also not once seen El ask Mike what he likes or thinks. Even her letters are all about how she's adjusting and Will acting weird but not a single, How are you and what are you up to. Mike tends to get locked in a box and his wants, thoughts and feelings are ignored.

Next is Lucas, and while I love Lucas, he can be very self obsessed. When he got upset about El joining, he didn't ask Mike why he was keeping her around or what he was thinking he just assumed Mike liked her and wouldn't let it go. What's worse is that after all the trap he gave Mike for letting El join the party, he turned around and did the exact same thing with Max. Lucas completely ignored Mike's feelings or even asked why Mike was so against her joining. Remember, Mike was still dealing with losing El and possibly his mind because he kept seeing her around. What's sad is that Lucas and Dustin both disregard Mike grieving for El. They both behaved like he should just be over it by now without actually talking to him about it. Then, we move on to Lucas volunteering to fix Mike's relationship. Mike was fine with letting it go and moving on until Lucas made a big deal out of getting El back. Mike could have gone against him, but any argument Mike made Lucas just ignored, never actually asking his feelings on the breakup just assuming Mike wanted her back. Then comes Lucas obsession with being popular and taking Mike and Dustin with him despite them stating several times they had no desire to be popular. When the bullying started, Mike tried talking to him about it, but Lucas just brushed him, stating he wouldn't understand. This is one that really irritates me. When people assume just because their not in the exact same situation, someone is incapable of understanding. You don't have to go through an identical situation to know how some feels not to mention. Lucas may not know the extent of Mike's bullying or everything done to him. Therefore could not say Mike wouldn't understand.

Dustin tends to get a little tricker because while he can be observant, he can also be wildly off base. For example, Dustin said he met Mike, Will, and Lucas in the fourth grade, therefore making him not Mike's best friend because Mike knew Lucas longer. Now, what I find funny is Mike and Will met Lucas in the third grade one year prior to meeting Dustin therefore but Dustin's logic of time determines Mike's bestfriend Lucas also doesn't fit the bill. Will however does at having met him in kindergarten, but he is knocked to the bottom of the best friend ranking for some reason. Dustin also points out Mike likes El but doesn't comment on Mike literally knocking her off him when he stood up because he was impatient about getting to Will, for someone so observant he missed something pretty big there. Dustin's smart and comes up with many good ideas but still generally defers to Mike about the life and death stuff until the Russian incident. Dustin and Mike tend to stick together but do clash often in regard to ideas or competition. Dustin becomes even more confident in himself as time goes on while Mike becomes withdrawn, hiding as normal. However, when Dustin is in over his head, he tries to contact Mike first and foremost, probably for a second opinion. They hold a pretty solid relationship, but for the only one who seems to have adjusted well after everything he never considered Mike might not have. Even the incident with Dart. Mike warned him he was dangerous, but Dustin ignored him. Even after Dart ate Dustin's cat and ran off, Mike didn't berate him for hiding though Lucas did. Dustin can become very rapped up in his perception of Mike that he fails to actually see Mike for who he is.

Max is a whole other argument. Max specifically sought out Mike, not backing down when he was mean to her. She did leave Lucas, Dustin, and El alone when they rebuffed her or lied to her, but Mike, she didn't stop until she made him laugh. She also didn't blame Mike for anything over the summer with spending time with El and even defending him until El came to her and she was mad at Lucas. She took her anger with Lucas and boys out on Mike, too. Granted, Mike shouldn't have lied to El, but Max just assumed Mike was being rude or controlling from that point on. She got mad when Mike said boys only but didn't ask why and assumed Mike was trying to stop El from spying because he wanted to control her powers, and sadly, everyone else just accepted what she said. Everyone conveniently forgets Mike was front row for Will's spying turned spy. Mike knew it was dangerous and how it would end. He was the only one not surprised when the meat monster found them. I would have been surprised if Mike didn't argue back and yelled he loved her. He had already watched her die once and then saw the aftermath of spying. Honestly, it was a wonder he didn't have a full-blown meltdown when the monster came after them or even gave an I told you so. I will say their relationship seemed to have improved after all that. Mike doesn't push Max to open up, and she does talk to him, not sarcastic like she did Dustin. She also could have chosen to hide during the assembly but chose to stay close to Mike both in the auditorium and in class. When listing people to go to when Krissy 6 stated she couldn't find Lucas or get ahold of Nancy, so she went to Dustin when Mike was mentioned it wasn't so much last ditch effort and more he wasn't an option from the start. She even calls the Byers house and is also aware Mike calls constantly, not just Dustin. Meaning she spent enough time with Mike to know how much he called. Mike didn't even bother asking her to play DnD because he knew she wouldn't want to. Honestly, the only person she didn't actually talk to directly aside from the adults was Will and Mike. What I find funny is when she hands Lucas the letters, Mike's name is the first she says, and aside from finding someone to relay the story to, he is the first person she lists. Even mentioning Mike's basement, she didn't have to specify it was Mike's she could have said Nancy's or even the Wheelers, but she intentionally said Mike's name. I believe they are closer than we currently know, and some of their friendship will be revealed. Especially with one of her happy memories to fight Vecna, being he teaching Mike to skateboard.

Will is a mess in and of itself. Mike spends most of his time looking after him and keeping him close that having him several states away took a serious toll on him. Also, the fact that Mike was supposed to go to California for Thanksgiving and they were supposed to come down for Christmas, but that seemed to get canceled intrigues me. Mike and Will have been friends for almost a decade, and Mike can always tell when something is off with Will unless he's distracted. Will is also the only person he willingly apologizes, too, and means it. The way Will called him Michael when he was made really shook Mike up, leading to the rain argument, and Mike chasing after him. There are several things Mime shouldn't have said to Will, but I'm pretty sure was nothing but projecting his own inner fight. The way Mike gets mad Will didn't tell him El was being bullied was unfair but given their history was something Will normally would have told him about. The accusation that Mike didn't call Will hit Mike pretty deep and threw him on the defense, turning the question back on Will. Will didn't think there was another explanation decide to take the initiative to call Mike himself, leaving all communication on Mike. Even their fighting only started after they met El and Mike started dating her. Watching Mike and Will being a united front in California and the way back to Hawkins was refreshing. After talking some of their issues out, Mike didn't get distracted by El he solely focused on Will. making them judging everyone funnier. Sadly their nonconcern or freak out about having to bury a body showed some serious red flags and unresolved trauma, I mean, who flirts while burying a body in the desert. Mike's active choice to stay with Will and not run off the talk things out with El was also very telling.

Now, I'll save my view on Nancy and Jonathan later, but they both annoy me in different ways, especially Nancy. Now I get it she's a badass, but she has consistently failed as an older sister to Mike.

Mike's perspective and feelings are strongly missing so far. His trauma, bullying, and dealing with all the death he witnessed have not been addressed once as if it's intentionally being ignored. Also, the fact that he was out of town and contact is the one time they failed, is hilarious to me simply because Nancy and Dustin pride themselves on being able to figure things out and make a plan but it fails. Mike's plans are always the ones that stick and reveal far more crucial information. He is very observant and hits back hard every time, which I believe caused the mindflayer to be far more cautious of Mike.

[flaresanimedump]

Why Fukuzawa is the Hottest BSD Character

*Cracks knuckles* ok here’s “what’s likeable about Fukuzawa/Why would Ranpo like Fukuzawa” because I saw that again recently

1) HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?!?!?

Twunks are agelessly hot. Don’t pretend you didn’t think movie stars 10+ years older than you were attractive as a teen. And everyone currently thirsting over BTS - he was the same age as they are when Ranpo met him.

2) You like strong, warm hugs where it feels like you’re swallowed up in the other person’s arms? You like the safe feeling it gives you?

What if those strong warm arms belonged to a bodyguard??

3) Ok now what if those strong arms belonged to a bodyguard who was also once a bad guy.

You know those hands can kill because they have before. But they’re gentle with you, careful. He’s on his way to being reformed but you’re seeing the good that was always there to start with, if only the world hadn’t pushed him into violence. This is Bungo Stray Dogs so just go ahead and briefly imagine this as a dog rescued from dogfighting that’s the absolute sweetest thing you’ve ever met. Now transfer that feeling to Fukuzawa, a man who was used by the government in a war Ranpo was too young to be part of, a rogue who’s learned the error of his ways and seeks to repent, a reformed bad boy with a heart of gold, you might say??? Incredible I’ll take 12.

4) Before we get into the long character analysis stuff I am going to try to impart to you the allure of an older man who isn’t a creep.

4.1) They’re wise and confident. They can offer help nobody your age can.

4.2) They stay calmer under pressure. An island of serenity.

4.3) When they get mad they usually get shit done. Way less drama. Fukuzawa may be a slight exception because of his former boyfriends but he has done his best to kill them both himself so I stand by the statement.

4.4) They’re still very human. Fukuzawa specifically gets passionate and loses himself in emotion when he’s worried or afraid, but it takes a lot to crack his exterior chill. It’s extremely hot when you get a reaction you had to work for.

5) Fukuzawa is about the most dependable husband-type we have in BSD.

He built up a whole agency to support his and Ranpo’s life together (a lifestyle they both wanted to continue, as mentioned in 4th anime opening Shirushi) despite initially being bad at 90% of the skills required.

(Rough Shirushi lyrics in question below)

Fukuzawa's described as "afraid of strangers" and thinks to himself how everything about leading a company is something he could never do in Origins,

and then we see him 12 years later and he's worked really hard to be able to do it. We get all these hints about how connected he is now

and we see how good he is at leading the ADA but there are times when it's clear it's something he adopted and not what he was born for, like when Mori started asking about strategy books and he'd only read the most common one, or how he plays Go but was reading a book about the rules in one of the official arts set in present day.

Of course, Tsun Tzu isn't exactly light reading, but I don't think Asagiri would make the character based on the most notable proponent of education in Japan be less well read than his opponent if it wasn't core to Fukuzawa's character in BSD. He's worked so hard to be what the ADA needs and wasn't/isn't a genius at it but still does well, and he basically switched careers on a whim at 33 to support Ranpo. Imagine if somebody did all that for you. If Ranpo wasn’t in love with him before I think that would be the killing blow.

6) Even if Fukuzawa’s not a genius, he’s able to understand and accept others more than any of the "normal" people in Yokohama.

He thought Ranpo was amazing when everyone else thought he was annoying (Fukuzawa also thought he was annoying of course, but the amazing part won out in the end). He experienced the full brunt of Ranpo’s observation and felt bad that he got upset over it when literally every other person who’d encountered Ranpo over the course of 2 years had been angry, shouted, and in the case of the Police Academy dorm head and presumably Ranpo's classmates, beat him for it.

We can guess from the agency members Fukuzawa employs that he’s a freak magnet and it’s probably because of this trait of his. I’d say he has ‘clear vision’ in that he’s able to see if someone is good or bad beyond societal norms even though he is aware of them himself.

Basically, Ranpo doesn’t like “common sense,” and while Fukuzawa is familiar enough with it to function normally in society, he’s one of very few like that who aren’t governed by it.

7) Fukuzawa is a genuinely good, kind person.

He listened to Ranpo more than anybody but his parents would, took him in when nobody else would. He refused to become a soldier, to go and kill other soldiers with no power over the outcome of the war, in order to assassinate the officials actually responsible for continuing the war.

I’d argue that Fukuchi was trying to follow in his footsteps with his grand war-stopping plan – that he felt Fukuzawa’s decision to kill the fewest possible people to end the war was correct. And Fukuzawa made personal sacrifices to do that, letting his best friend go to the front alone, not knowing if he’d live or die. Losing friends and losing the respect of those who did come back when he quit.

But even though there’s a good chance that what Fukuzawa did saved a lot of lives, and even though the people we're aware he killed were unquestionably evil, he still felt that his feelings at the time put him in the wrong. He was still horrified at what he was capable of and quit once all the officials who could restart the war were dead.

There aren’t many characters in BSD with that kind of moral fiber. Dazai’s not trying to repent in the ADA, he’s just there to do good because a friend said he should. Ranpo’s not a bad guy but he’s not exactly caring or in possession of a strong moral compass.

Atsushi’s obsession with doing good is so tightly wound into his own self-worth it’s almost involuntary, which takes away some of his agency in his actions. We know Tanizaki is willing to commit murder without fear, Kunikida was fine with letting Atsushi be kidnapped, and everyone in the Port Mafia is morally gray at best. Even the Special Operations Division is governed by a “needs of the many over the needs of the few” mentality.

Arguably the only other characters who even come close to this level of humanity are Oda and Chuuya, but Oda's not in this essay and even Chuuya doesn’t care as much about collateral damage. The only characters in the cannibalism arc who drew a line to stop their groups from killing each other and anybody who got too close were Fukuzawa and Mori, and Mori’s morality would require another essay. So I’d argue that in a series where many are great, Fukuzawa is a very rare good man.

As illustrated by his scene with Fukuchi and Teruko. Fukuchi is a great man willing to work himself to the bone and die for others, but he’s also willing to “curse” Fukuzawa, as Ranpo said in the finale, with the long-term burden of his plan, and to kill innocent people to make it all happen. Teruko is a great girl willing to carry out Fukuchi’s orders out of either devotion to him or to justice, but she’s willing to kill and frame a man she knows isn't a villain to do it. The ends justify the means.

(To be clear I think this makes her a great character, but not one whose allegiance is to simple good-ness.)

Fukuzawa isn’t willing to kill someone who isn’t evil. He WAS willing to kill his evil mad friend to save his other friends. We saw that when he first struck Fukuchi down, so it wasn’t the closeness of their relationship that stayed his hand after he understood Fukuchi’s plan. It was that he felt the ends did not justify the means.

Virtually every other character in this series would have done it, thus: Fukuzawa is a good man in a series full of great people.

And that is what I ultimately think made Ranpo attach himself to Fukuzawa and listen to him without question despite Fukuzawa being an idiot in comparison. Let's face it, Fukuzawa's a bit of a himbo. But Ranpo realized he could trust Fukuzawa to know right from wrong at the same time he realized he couldn't trust himself to know: when Fukuzawa shouted at him after his rescue in Origins.

Ranpo was in the process of doing exactly what all the other characters do: whatever it took to catch the bad guys/stop the bad thing from happening. He allowed himself to be kidnapped and accepted the risk that he might be shot in order to find the hideout of the men responsible for, so far, a murder and a kidnapping conspiracy with Very Bad implications for the peace in Japan (kidnapping Natsume is not something they would do JUST for a ransom).

Objectively, without considering the human element, this appears to be the correct choice. Ranpo being in temporary danger isn't a big deal when the grand scheme has such major red flags for national security. Many many more people were probably in danger, and we now know the group was somehow tied to Fyodor so yeah, he was on a Very Troubling Thread. But even without knowing Fyodor's connection it seems sort of brilliant and ideal.

The ends justify the means.

But Fukuzawa didn't see it that way. He didn't care about catching the bad guys, he didn't care about efficiency or Ranpo's plans or anything of the sort. He was the only guy in the city whose main focus was on the human element - on Ranpo. Fukuzawa presented a fundamentally different way of thinking that Ranpo and the majority of the cast just aren't capable of, and it's natural to him. And I think Ranpo understood that in a split second when Fukuzawa said he shouldn't put his life in danger and decided that even if Fukuzawa was essentially blind compared to him, Fukuzawa's decisions would always be better than his.

SO that's what I think Ranpo would like about Fukuzawa and what makes Fukuzawa attractive!! Also he's really sexy :D

[princess-of-the-corner]

Sorry but "Not mean just rude" AU musing regarding Lady Wfi:

When Nino rounded the corner, he was surprised to bump into Adrien who seemed just as surprised to bump into him. Evidently they'd both been stomping in a state.

It was Adrien who recovered first though, normally placid expression marred by real anger.

"Nino, what is this I ear about your & Alya breaking into Chloe's locker?"

"Dude, you're seriously mad about that!? Chloe got Alya suspended over it!"

Surprisingly, Adrien just folded his arms, expression unchanged, "I'm amazed she didn't push for expulsion."

"Are you playing me right now man?" He'd thought Adrien was cool, much cooler than this!

"Why wouldn't she?" Before Nino could speak, Adrien let out a deep, pained breath, "Look, Nino. Dude. Chloe & I have been having reporters, strangers, co-workers and 'friends' doing everything from breaking into our homes, going through our trash, selling literally 'anything' we might have once worn online and even try to plant things just to make a story. So like..."

Nino only realized now that Adrien didn't have his arms folded, he was hugging himself, and doing so tighter.

"So yeah, I'm not at all angry with Chloe for snapping when two of her classmates, one of whom is a reporter broke into her locker. Or that the principle just told her to get over it. Why shouldn't we be mad?"

Nino had, had something to say, none exactly a bullet pointed list, but a strong general vibe and through line about horrible behavior and how much it hurt others.

Unfortunately, even as he opened his mouth, a single digit raised as if to begin counting off he found no sounds coming out.

He tried again, Adrien's eyebrow arching up as he watched Nino try & fail to form words.

"You... Yeah I guess its fair you're upset man."

"And Chloe, I'm just angry on her behalf, she's the one who's got reason to be upset."

"She didn't seem upset-" Nino cut himself off as Adrien started hugging himself again and looking ready to run. "But hey, what do I know? We don't talk."

"We all get upset differently, Chloe... She can't explain things to you like I just did, or barely can and I... I'm not good at being angry, Chloe usually did that for both of us. Its always been like that, we look out for each other."

Anger tabled for the moment, Nino was, honestly stumbling around in the dark, this was the most Adrien had ever said about himself that seemed so... Vulnerable.

Well, on purpose at least. The boy did not realize just how messed up some of the stuff he thought was normal was, and this only drove the point further home.

Shrugging, Nino floated a thought the blonde's way, "Chloe's not a famous model, did she really get as much attention as you?"

"Her dads in politics and she's around celebrities all the time, and actually had a public profile. Plus, she did model with me for a year or so, but then her baby fat came off at twelve so she had to stop."

"Stop?" Nino was pretty sure most models wanted to be skinny right?

Adrien shrugged, "Dad said she was too razor edged and gaunt to appeal to anyone and her mother said she looked like a shrew and should stop wasting pixels. So yeah, she stopped."

Adrien said that with the same banal tone he always delivered these little nuggets or negging nightmares with.

It left Nino with little more to add than an, "I... See..."

'What the hell is wrong with these people?' It certainly put some things in a slightly different light. Slightly.

"So, I did my part, why am I meant to be upset for Alya & not angry at you both?" Adrien asked, this time his tone was more searching and genuinely flummoxed.

"You're asking?"

"I am, we're friends, and I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, and its like I said. Chloe's the fighter, I'm the chatty one," he said with a slightly forced smirk.

YEAH GET THEIR ASSES.

Like I love Alya and Nino but GOD they were in the wrong this episode.

[lfghughes]

Jealousy, Jealousy

a/n: got a little carried away with my writing but writing a jealous jack was pretty fun.

warnings: some slight cursing here and there

The talking stage with guys was always weird because sometimes you were just unsure where you stood. You and Jack had been talking romantically for a good month and a half now and it was all really simple. You two got to hang out a lot but you didn’t really talk about a lot of personal things, it was really just you two getting to know each other and with the way his schedule was there really wasn’t a whole lot of time anyways which you completely understood. You completely understood because your cousin who was one of your closest friends and more so like a brother to you played for the Islanders which wasn’t all too far from New Jersey so you got to see him pretty often. But you never really brought him up in conversations because there just wasn’t a reason to and you and Jack just hadn’t really talked about family that deeply. When Jack got you tickets to go watch his game that was against the Islanders you were actually so excited about the fact you’d get to see Jack in action but see your cousin too, maybe after even introduce them to each other but even though Jack got you tickets something was off about him. He had started being short with you and you weren’t really sure why the sudden change so you didn’t talk a whole lot and you didn’t bring up him hanging out with you and your cousin after the game if he was just going to be in a bad mood. But you still came out and watched the game, waving to your cousin as he skated by and then to Jack who ignored you once again. At this point you’re not even sure why he gave you tickets, maybe this was his thing for ending a relationship, he gave girls tickets to soften the blow or some weird boy thought. You watched the game intensely, noticing how much more physical Jack was being than normal and your jaw dropped when he got into a fight with one of the Islanders, actually not just any of them but your cousin to be specific. You were in complete shock over this. Once the game ended you waited in the usual spot where he would come find you after games and when he showed up he basically stormed past you. Yeah, you were not putting up with this today. You weren’t sure why now a month and a half later he was suddenly being a jerk and if he didn’t want this going further all he had to do was say he didn’t see you two working out romantically. So you followed him out to his car, sliding into the seat and he looked over at you like you were some stranger almost. “What your boyfriend can’t take you home or something?” He asked and your jaw fell slightly at the aggressive tone. “My boyfriend? What? What the hell is wrong with you Jack?” You asked as he pulled out his phone, searching for something clearly before he tossed his phone onto your lap. When you looked at the photo on his phone you saw it was you and your cousin having lunch a few days earlier. “Okay, I don’t get it?” You asked because it still wasn’t clicking in your head why he was upset about your lunch. “If you want to date other people that’s fine but I’m not interested in just being one of your many hockey boyfriends.” He snatched his phone back and sat back like he was waiting for you to leave his car. “Jack, what in the literal hell is wrong with you. That is my cousin. He plays for the Islanders and yeah you made a great impression on him tonight.” Now it was his turn to go silent as his jaw dropped. “Wait…What?” He asked quietly and you nodded your head, a little angry but also mostly hurt. “He’s my cousin, not a secret boyfriend and I can’t believe that’s what you think of me and you weren’t even going to ask? You had to make a big deal out of it for what?” You asked as you moved to get out of the car. “Wait no, shit. I’m so so sorry. God I am such an idiot.” He apologized, his hand going out like he was trying to stop you from leaving. “Yeah, you are.” There really wasn’t much else you could say to him. “I am so sorry, fuck. I should have talked to you. I really am sorry, please let me make it up to you.” He begged and you knew it had been a whole big understanding even if you were still hurt and angry. “Well for starters I think you owe him a big apology for that random fight you started. As for me, you have a lot of work to do but I really like you Jack so I want us to talk it out.” You told him and he nodded his head slowly. “I’ll do anything, I promise. I really like you too and I just I don’t know I got jealous because I thought you felt the same way and I was going to make it official with you but then I saw the photos but I should have talked it out. I’m so sorry.” You knew his behavior wasn’t excusable but Jack was a good guy a genuine good guy so you would forgive him. “It’s okay…Wait does this mean you’re still going to make it official?” You asked and he nodded his head at you. “I mean if I haven’t completely ruined my chances, yes.” The answer was yes from you too, you wanted to at least try and see where this could go officially. “Well my cousin is going to give you a hell of a time now for sure."

[mayisgoingnuts]

The boy who never wins — A post with Theodor's story (PT 1)

TW: Bullying, self-harm (brief), beating — All including children.

Taglist: @merwynsartblog @clownazon @dismissivedestroyer @jonesy-squish

LONG, so I hope you're feeling patient!!

[PART 2]

Daisy and Henry did not planned to have a child, considering their bad reputation in the family and the husband's lack of responsability. He made it clear that she'd either abort the baby, or she'd have to take care of it by herself and herself only. She was stubborn, and chose to spare her kid's life. Despite not being the richest, she had good conditions and a nice job, taking care of him as dearly as possible. It leades him to have an awesome life at home, but it was the complete opposite once he leaved.

Ambrose and Finn, two kids that were friendly at first, but soon began to pester him for apparently no reason at all — Ambrose began to, atleast. Finn slowly joined, not as harshly, but not stopping anything either.

As time passed, for some reason Ambrose began to be more aggressive and even upset, which worried even Finn himself. Later on, Theodor eavesdropped their conversation and found out that the kid's parents were very abusive to her, and she basically used him as a way to relieve stress. It made him feel guilty on fight back or even express anger, even though he did hated her with all his might. He thought that she didn't deserve it, despite everything.

At 8 years old, his mother got severely sick, which was a result from a bunch of symptoms that she decided to ignore. Even after being hospitalized, they were unable to keep paying for the exams and anything else needed, specially when Daisy had no one to contact in her family. At the very least, they informed that she could be taken care of at home, but would be needed a responsible and a lot of patience.

Said "responsible" ended up being Theodor himself. The boy had to find his own ways to get money for the two, even if he wasn't legally allowed to work. However, Theodor isn't able to deal with so many things at once. It was overwhelming — It was either school or home. He chose home. At 6th grade, the boy no longer attended to school.

His absence was soon noticed by Ambrose, who no longer had someone to let her anger out and avoid any sort of harm on herself. She was obsessed, and even though the town is small, she didn't know where he lived, and couldn't go after him. She missed him — Not because she wanted to, but because she couldn't not miss him.

Finally, after months, both Ambrose and Finn managed to meet with him by luck next to school. She began to practically beg him to return to school, that she's going to make her lessons for him if needed, anything for him to come back. Theodor obviously refused, saying that his mother is more important, what made her snap for having "the opportunity lost forever", just going after him.

Chasing after him through a forest nearby and finally managing to catch him, Ambrose began to basically beat the boy up, who tried to fight back this time, but it didn't changed anything. Finn tried to calm her down aswell, which was just as effective. The only thing that stopped her was a man, who appeared from the opposite direction.

The man promised not to tell anyone what he witnessed as long as they leaved, and that's what they did — Not out of respect, but fear, as he seemed covered in his own blood, but not looking weak at all. Theodor strangely didn't felt afraid, he was actually relieved that he was saved, and saw the stranger as someone just above, like a hero.

The man offered help to the boys' wounds, accepted gladly despite not being a good logical decision to do. He asked Theodor a little more about himself and asked where his parents or friends are, quickly discovering that the kid only lived with his mother and had no friends to go to.

" You see, I lost both my son and wife just recently. They are not dead, but I am not sure when I'll be able to see them again. Do you accept to be my little company on the meanwhile, son? "

He says, leading Theodor to a mansion on the hill that the boy never dared to approach before.

[voxofthevoid]

HELLO I AM HERE TO TALK ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR THE LESBIAN JESUS GIDEON NAV THE FIRST FLOWER OF THE NINTH HOUSE

there is just so much to talk when it comes to Gideon but her relationship with Pyrrha is fascinating. because Pyrrha wanted and still wants Gideon, who has never been anyone's priority. Gideon doesn't think she is wanted but Pyrrha mourned her for all these years. do you think she as G1deon looked at Harrow and imagined that Wake's child would be close in age? and she doesn't even know that the child is sharing bodies with her necro just like her

they meet finally and Pyrrha fucks it up, because she never expected to meet Gideon, because Gideon has always been a Concept not a person so now faced with the real person she says the wrong thing. Pyrrha talks about fucking her mother but not how she mourned Gideon. and it's made worse by Gideon learning that Pyrrha knew about her because for her entire life she believed she was wanted and not abandoned like everyone told her. but Pyrrha knowing and not returning was reaffirming of that. and it's not even Pyrrha's fault! she couldn't have known, she would have trouble returning to Ninth! but Gideon is 19 and has been abused her entire life and she is upset, she just learnt her mother, who she believed loved her, only had her to kill her

and then there is Nona. Nona who is in Harrow's body but could be either of them and Pyrrha isn't trying really hard to learn. this is her chance to make up for the lost years, to raise that child and build a relationship without the burden of her being raised on the Ninth. and of course Pyrrha loves Nona for herself but it is Gideon she thinks of (could be Harrow but if another person prioritises Harrow over Gideon I will go mental) when she wonders if "she" had birthdays on the Ninth

just thinking about Pyrrha and the time she spent pretending to be G1deon, knowing that Gideon's corpse is there. the scene where she and Nona are standing next to corpse Kiriona is making me insane

Nor had Pyrrha ever looked at her the way she now looked at the dead corpse with red hair—a kind of soft, guarded want; a hunger—a living desire to take the corpse in her arms like Kevin’s wanting desire with his dolls. To own, to squeeze, to cosset and destroy.

this one paragraph makes me want to write so many fics exploring their dynamic, it's criminal how there are only 30 fics tags Gideon Nav & Pyrrha Dve. what do you mean there is sentence that goes as hard as "a hunger—a living desire to take the corpse in her arms" and people aren't writing long ass fics about it??

I need to reread Nona for their interactions when I am less busy but Gideon watching Pyrrha be kind and gentle with Nona, a parent, and being reminded once again how she was abandoned. and how she is still not anyone's first choice. the unwanted child, just like Crux said

do you think Gideon hated Nona when she watched Pyrrha be so gentle with her? no one had ever shown her this much kindness, no one held as she was dying and she wasn't chosen the way Pyrrha chose to shoot Ianthe with the bullet she was saving for John. do you think she despised that stranger in Harrow's body because she envied how loved she was while telling herself it's because Nona is squatting in Harrow's body?

I am very rarely interested in parent/child relationship but god does Gideon have fascinatingly messed up relationships with literally every parent figure in her life

thank you for allowing me to rant <3 I have so many thoughts about them

Gideon and Pyrrha should have emotionally charge pseudo incestuous sex who said that

Nodding along so hard to all of this while losing my brain cells one at a time.

It's been long enough since I read the books that I'd need a full reread to actually contribute to this conversation in any meaningful way, but Pyrrha and her relationships with both Wake and Gideon are hands down my favourite in the series—and for good fucking reason. It's delicious enough in Harrow, but Nona takes it up a notch by giving us Gideon and Pyrrha interactions that are jagged and awkward and frankly painful, despite being so brief and so few.

Never going to be over the fact that Pyrrha wanted that kid so bad, and then Gideon came into the scene in time to watch her tenderly parent whoever's walking around in her lesbian situationship's body.

Nona sees how Pyrrha looks at that corpse; she understands it. Gideon never does.

Tamsyn Muir, your mind 🙇

(I was going to say I'm also rarely interested in parent/child relationships and that we all know what happens when I start, but you beat me to it lmaooo. With how Gideon presumably resembles Wake to an extent and how her relationship with Pyrrha is already half momfucker jokes and tragic yearning, it'd be so very pseudo-incestuous and so bad for everyone involved. It would still be less fucked up than whatever the Tridentarii twins have going on.)