#but just remember that somewhere out there there's always hope. a reason to keep moving forward

[askorensprunki]

Can I hug you? :3

"By all means, bring it in, mate! Anyone can use a hug once in a while, yeah?"

[little-diable]

Forever Mine – Harvey Specter (smut)

Y'all voted on reading my Harvey stuff, so here we go! I am so in love with this man, it's insane. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Harvey and the reader are best friends, but on the night when she asks him to pick her up from yet another horrible date, neither of them manages to hide their feelings any longer.

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, jealousy, possessiveness, lots of feelings, friends to lovers

Pairing: Harvey Specter x fem!reader (2.4k words)

“Harvey?” Her voice rang in his ear, drawing his tired eyes towards the clock on his nightstand. It was far past midnight, and even though it wasn’t unusual for Harvey to be awake late into the night, it had been one of those nights where he had passed out the second he had found shelter in his bed, hours ago. 

“(Y/n)? What’s going on?” It took her a moment to reply, to let go of a sigh before finding her voice to answer her best friend’s question. 

“Could you pick me up from somewhere?” Harvey had already set into motion to put on his clothes with the phone balanced between his ear and shoulder. Heavy breaths left her, filled with a sadness that made his heart clench in his chest. 

“What happened, baby?” The nickname left him all too easily, even though it was something he hadn’t called his best friend in years. The sharp intake of air he heard urged him on to move even quicker to find his way out of his apartment.

“Do you remember the bar we went to last month with Mike?” Harvey gripped his car keys tighter, clenching them in his fist. A hum left him as he stepped out of the elevator, letting his shoes meet the cold ground while jogging towards his car. 

“I’m waiting there.” And without another word, (y/n) had ended the call. 

……

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, with her coat tightly wrapped around her frame, and her hands buried in the pockets of said coat. It had been a stupid idea, a fucking stupid idea, she shouldn’t have listened to her friends and how they had urged her to go on that date to finally get over her best friend – Harvey fucking Specter. 

It had been an awful date, nothing but a waste of her time, but deep down she had hoped it’d finally manage to take her mind off her best friend, the man (y/n) longed for with every rising of the sun. The man who’d never be hers. The man who looked at her with a love only family members shared, and nothing more. 

A cry wanted to break out of (y/n) at the familiar pain in her chest, squeezing her heart with its all too familiar grasp. Shaky breaths left her as she saw his car approach, needing to prepare herself for an uncomfortable conversation where Harvey would scold her for meeting up with a man like this, while being all too oblivious about her reasons for that date. 

“Thank you for picking me up.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek before properly sinking into the comfortable leather seat. Harvey’s hand found its rest on her knee, and with his thumb running over the exposed parts of her skin, due to her dress, he began driving. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” (Y/n) could tell that he was driving her back to his place, taking the all too familiar route she could probably walk blindfolded. Her heart was racing in her chest as it whispered to her, begging (y/n) to finally tell Harvey about the emotional chaos growing deep inside of her, while her mind forced her to stay quiet, to not risk a friendship she couldn’t live without. 

“Just a horrible date, nothing special.” The hand resting on her knee stopped moving, frozen to the spot as his eyes flickered to meet hers. For a moment, an uncomfortable silence began to fill the car, it clung to her like a second layer of skin, crawling up its limbs like a parasite. Dates had always been a struggling topic between the two, uncomfortable conversations they both tried to avoid. 

“Do I know the guy?” His voice was husky, growing lower with every further word he spoke. His fingers no longer stroked her skin, they had a tight grasp on her knee as if he was making sure she wouldn’t leave his side, not daring to let go as if he was scared to be alone.

“No, the girls introduced me to him.” Nothing but a hum left Harvey as a reply, letting the sound buzz through (y/n). Only as they arrived at his apartment complex to park the car did they find their voices again, sharing a small “Thank you” while Harvey helped her out of the car and led her to the elevator, with his hand placed on her lower back and his jacket wrapped around her frame. 

“Why do you always go on dates with these men? By now we both know your friends don’t have the best taste.” The question hung in the air, it forced a shudder down her spine while her heart slowly began to win the upper hand to silence her mind. Harvey was intently staring down at her, while keeping close to (y/n) with his hand moving from her lower back to her waist. 

“Don’t ask me this, please, Harvey.” Sadness dripped from her voice, followed by something he couldn’t pinpoint. But something inside of Harvey began to shift, it was whispering to him as if he could tell that whatever he’d force out of her, would change the outcome of this very night, a turning point neither could run from.

“You know I’m not one to back down, sweetheart.” Her tongue kissed her teeth while (y/n) pondered over her choices. She was grateful for the few seconds of silence they were offered as they stepped out of the elevator and entered the apartment she knew like the back of her hand. 

“Talk to me, (y/n), what’s going on?” Harvey was towering over her, even as she kicked off her heels and shrugged out of his jacket to expose the dress he loved seeing on her. His hands held onto her to guide her towards the couch, and even as they sat down next to one another, his hands held contact with her body. 

“Harvey, please, don’t make me do this.” She could tell that whatever he was waiting for her to say was different to what she was about to confess. Harvey was too oblivious, he wouldn’t ever pick up on the love she fostered for him, a secret that would turn their friendship into something (y/n) would curse herself for. Uneasy waters that would swallow them both without giving them a chance to swim. 

“It can’t be that bad, sweetheart. Is there something I don’t know? Did somebody hurt you?” Her glassy eyes got lost in his. She allowed herself to study her handsome best friend for a moment before slowly rising to her feet, desperately searching the now growing distance between the. If she was about to lay this on him, she needed some space, enough room to prepare herself to walk out of his door any moment now. 

Harvey’s jaw muscles ticked, he was growing impatient, angry even – about something he had awfully mixed up. He would burn down the earth for (y/n), would hurt anybody who dared to come too close to her. And yet he still didn't know that he was causing her this pain, a biting sensation that made bile rise in her throat.

“You wouldn’t get it, Harvey. Let it go.” Her eyes found the city below their feet, allowing her to study the numerous lights filling the darkness, the high buildings growing nearby and far away. It was a beautiful sight, a sight that tried to calm her aching heart, though without any luck. She heard Harvey move, could watch in the reflection of his big windows how he rose to his feet and walked up to her. 

“Talk to me, baby.” His muscular front was pressed against back, and for a moment (y/n) allowed herself to imagine being held by him like a lover would cling to their significant other. A thought that guided her next movements as she slowly turned in his grasp to stare up at her handsome best friend. 

With her breath hitched in her chest, (y/n) shifted her weight to press her lips against his. It was a quick kiss, a simple kiss, and yet it carried more meaning than any other kiss (y/n) had ever given. She felt him freeze at the touch, seemingly not expecting his best friend to cross that invisible line. 

“This is why I don’t want to talk about it with you, Harvey.” A tear dripped from her eye as the words rolled off her tongue. Harvey stared down at her with something so intense, (y/n) couldn’t help but peel herself out of his grasp, set on leaving his apartment and the man she had been in love with for years behind. 

“How dare you!” His angry words made her halt in her steps. Slowly, (y/n) turned back towards Harvey who wore an expression filled with hurt and anger. (Y/n) could only imagine how his opponents in court must feel whenever he directed his anger at them, forcing them to back down from any fight they couldn’t win – not against Harvey Specter.

“How dare you act as if I have no say in this. Have you ever wondered for just a second if I feel the same? If I was forced to carry the same heartbreak for years whenever you called me to pick you up from shitty dates with men who weren’t me?” Even though her heart began to race once again, begging (y/n) to realise what he had just confessed, her anger managed to guide her, letting her voice grow louder just like Harvey’s. 

“Then why didn’t you say something?” He stalked towards her, with eyes so fiery, (y/n) feared he’d burn her on the spot. Almost no space was left between them, with his chest pressed against hers to push her against the door, and his hand pressed to the spot next to her head. 

“Because I’d rather suffer from this heartbreak for years than risk losing you.” She got no time to reply as his lips came down on hers in a stormy kiss. (Y/n) instantly allowed her lips to move with his, letting their tongues tangle while her arms found their way around his neck. Moans rumbled through the both of them, sounds that rang in their ears like a song solemnly composed for this night only. Harvey’s hands found their way down her frame to pick her up without breaking the kiss, guiding them towards the kitchen where he placed her down on his kitchen island. 

“Promise I’ll take my time with you later, but fuck I need to be inside of you now.” Her excited chuckles left Harvey smirking as he shuffled her dress up to her waist, groaning at the sight of her drenched panties. She was mesmerised by the sight of Harvey lingering between her thighs, something (y/n) had only dared to dream of. 

“I bet your date thought he could have you like this tonight, spread out and ready to be fucked. But let me promise you something, sweetheart,” without breaking eye contact, Harvey ripped her panties apart to expose her aching heat to the colder temperatures now stroking her limbs. “No other man but me will ever get to see you like this again, from now on, you’re mine, you belong to me, and I will never share you.” 

“I only want to be yours, Harvey, like you will always be mine.” (Y/n) pulled him down for a kiss while he freed his cock from his dark trousers and reached for a condom. The seconds kept blurring by until Harvey finally pushed into her, letting his cock stretch her walls as his thumb circled her pulsing bundle.

Both moaned at the new sensation, having to adjust to something they had longed for all these years. With her back arched off the kitchen island, she let Harvey fuck her, letting their bodies meet with every thrust as if they were magnets finding together. A storm was rocking through them both, binding them together to forge another bond so strong, neither of them would ever be able to shake it off again.

Harvey’s name rolled off her tongue like a prayer, filling the apartment that would forever keep their deepest secrets. Both clung to the other as if they were scared that this was nothing but a dream, about to evaporate into a bitter nothingness as they’d be ripped from their sleep. 

Wandering hands kept searching the other’s closeness, clinging to the reminder that this was real, that this was not a trick of their brains but something they could forever cling to.

“I love you, fuck, I love you so goddamn much, (y/n).” Harvey’s moaned words left her heart somersaulting, forcing her upper body off the cold top of the kitchen island to meet his lips for a kiss. They were a tangled mess, and yet a mess so sweet, both were high on all the different sensations. 

“I love you too, Harvey.” Her walls fluttered around his cock as he met her swollen spot, pushing her closer to the edge. (Y/n) trembled beneath him, wordlessly begging his thumb to move faster, to circle her bundle with more pressure to push her closer towards her orgasm.

“Cum for me, baby, show me how pretty you look when you cum on my cock.” Harvey’s gritty voice gave her the needed push to cum beneath him. Her moans rang in his ears, filling every part of his body with an unfamiliar kind of pride he hadn't ever felt with another woman. His eyes didn’t stray from her pleasure-drunken features while fucking her through her high, a high he chased with ferocious thrusts.

Harvey came moments later with curses rumbling through him. She clung to him while his cock twitched inside of her, filling the condom with his release. Neither spoke a word as they stayed connected in the most intimate way, clinging to each other while the hazy fog of lust slowly began to lift. 

“Did this really just happen, Harvey?” Her whispered question left Harvey laughing. Slowly, he pulled out of her to toss away the condom before cupping (y/n)'s cheeks with his warm hands. His eyes studied her for a moment before pressing his forehead against hers to let go of a deep, relieved sigh. 

“It did, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you with me forever, sweetheart.”

[obeymeshallwedateaddict]

The first 'I love you'

I've been writing so much angst recently that it's beginning to depress me sooo I decided to lift myself out of my melancholy by writing some fluff <3 I hope you enjoy it.

Summary: the brothers say "I love you" to MC for the first time.

You can read more of my work here: Masterlist

Contains: Fluff

GN!MC x each of the brothers

............................................................................

Lucifer

Today was an especially long day for the first-born. It seemed like his responsibilities were endless. The demon had to go through piles of paperwork with a due date by tomorrow and make sure to send them to Diavolo along with dealing with his unruly brothers once more. By the end of the day Lucifer was completely spent. He sat himself in the cozy armchair of his study, gazing out the window when suddenly a thought of you flopped into his mind. He smiled to himself before picking up the phone to send you a quick message with the hopes of you accepting to come keep him company. And exactly as the demon had thought you accepted and showed up at the door of his study minutes after your response.

Now you and the first born were sitting together on the couch before the fireplace, watching the wood dissolve into ashes as well as the roar of the flames. You were listening to the soft crackle of the wood as it burned into the silence, which both you and him seemed to enjoy. Overall it was a peaceful evening. Over time you felt Lucifer's gaze land on you. You looked over at him just to see the softness of his expression. It was the first time you saw him gaze at you with such softness. He smiled gently at you before returning his gaze to the fire.

-For as long as I've lived I don't remember feeling as much at peace as I do now. –The demon mumbled and you smiled at his statement.

-You should know that... You're the reason I feel this way, MC. –Along with his words you felt Lucifer's hand land on top of yours. He held it gently, caressing the back of it with his thumb from time to time.

-What do you mean? –You question in a soft voice, waiting patiently for the demon's response. He took a deep breath and moved his gaze to you once again.

-I believe they call this feeling "love" from what I'm aware of. And I'm pretty sure that's what I'm feeling right now. I love you, MC... –Silence followed as the words sank into your mind. It was the first time he said those three words. You felt your cheeks heat up and a soft smile found its way onto your expression.

-Truly and deeply. –Lucifer whispered with a soft sigh, finishing off his last statement. His thumb caressed the back of your hand once again and soon enough you gained the courage to speak.

-Lucifer, I... I feel the same way.. I love you. –Upon hearing your words the demon pulled you flush against himself, into his embrace. He pressed a soft kiss to your temple. His lips lingered there for a moment before pulling away. But instead of letting you go he just proceeded to hold you close for the rest of the evening.

Mammon

Recently you noticed that the second-born was restless. He'd always run here and there, causing trouble or going to modeling gigs to earn some cash. He often had to endure Lucifer's punishments since he'd either skip class or sleep through it... Or.. he'd get a bad grade which wasn't something that rarely happened. One night just as you wer about to go to bed Mammon rushed into your room and grabbed your arm, pulling you away with him without saying a thing. You followed behind him since you had no other choice even if what you truly wanted was to lay in bed and fall into a peaceful slumber. Since you were only wearing your pyjamas you hoped that the demon wouldn't lead you somewhere out in public. But instead of that he led you to the attic. He pulled a ladder that led to the roof that both of you climbed.

Now you were sitting on the roof of The House of Lamentation, staring off into space along with Mammon. He sat there silently without saying a word, just staring into the night. Suddenly he moved closer towards you and put an arm around your shoulder. The movement came as a surprise to you but it was warmly welcomed. His body heat was radiating to you, keeping you warm.

-I saw ya shiverin' so I decided to do ya a favour and keep ya warm. Don't think much of it. –The demon mumbled and looked away from you, as if he was counting the stars, shining on the surface of the night sky. You chuckled to his words and shook your head. He'd always come up with an excuse to get close to you and you were pretty sure that was one of those moments.

-After all I wouldn't want my human to freeze eh? –He spoke and moved his gaze back to you as you rolled your eyes.

-Yeah. I wouldn't want that. –You murmur and snuggle closer to the demon. You saw his cheeks flush red and he quickly turned his face back towards the sky.

-Y'know.. you're the only person I truly wanna keep safe... –Mammon began speaking but stopped himself midway through. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before continuing.

-MC, what I'm tryin' to say is that I.. that I love ya! Keep that in mind... –He speaks and you hear a soft gulp coming from him. Though that didn't stop you from getting flustered. After all Mammon had never actually said those exact words before. Of course he'd always hint to it but he never actually said it until now. You smiled and wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug.

-I love you too, Mams –You whisper and nuzzle your head into his shoulder. The demon chuckled smuggly and leaned in to press a soft kiss to your shoulder.

-'course you do. After all I'm The Great Mammon! All people love me.. –There was a fleeting pause before he continued.

-But hey.. don't go forgettin' what I said! There will be consequences if ya do! –He spoke and squeezed you tightly. You spend a few more minutes up on the roof before heading back to a warmer place.

Leviathan

A few days ago the third-born got a new game and he was really excited about it. From what he told you it was a dating simulator game with a catch at the end but neither did you or Levi know what the catch was. So one day you decided to be the first ones to find out. Both of you sat together in his room, picking up the controllers and begining to play. Of course Levi set you as the heroine so he and a couple of in-game bots were competing, trying to get the intimacy score up. As expected Levi was the one who managed to get the highest score but that didn't matter now. It was the end of the game and both of you were on your toes, waiting for the so called 'catch' that the game was announced with. You wandered around in the open game world but nothing was happening. There weren't monsters at the end like the other game you, Levi, Mammon, Satan and Lucifer once played. There wasn't anything interesting. Just the usual cherry blossom tree with the bench underneath it where Levi confessed his in-game love to you. After a couple more minutes of wandering and search for some kind of secret there might be in the game the third-born sighed and left the controller aside. He rubbed his temple before speaking.

-Such scammers. It's rare to encounter a game whose description doesn't fit the gameplay. That's so lame. –He groaned and pulled out his phone to write a review of the game.

-I mean.. we did have fun, right? –You speak and leave your controller next to his.

-I guess so. If you count all of the cringe things I had to do to get that intimacy score up fun then yes. Otherwise the game is pretty much trash. Though the graphics were kinda nice. I'll give it that. –You chuckle to his statement and move closer to him in an attempt to see what he was typing as a review. You felt the demon tense up, which made you look towards him rather than the phone in his hands. His cheeks had taken a pink shade and he had stopped typing. He bit his lip before speaking.

-You know.. the time spent with you.. is... p-precious.. even if the game wasn't what we expected it to be. –He said and looked away in an attempt to hide his flushed cheeks.

-Yeah! I love spending time with you, Levi! –You respond with a smile, clicking 'Post review' on his phone so he doesn't forget. Afterwards you look over at him and see that his ears had turned red which provoked a soft chuckle out of you.

-Yeah me to... Uhm.. actually MC.. eh.. I think I.. I l-love you... No.. actually I know I l-love you...

–Your eyes widen at his confession, your cheeks heating up. Though you quickly spake off the surprise and put on a smile.

-I love you too, Levi... –He stops at his tracks to your words and soon enough turns his head towards you with the pinkiest blush on his cheeks.

-R-really? –He asks and gulps but you nod with a wide smile on your face.

-Yes. Really. –After your statement you wrap your arms around the third-born in a warm hug. As the evening proceeds you and Levi watch an anime, cuddled up together in his bathtub of a bed.

Satan

Since it was exam season the fourth-born was lost in the words of the study books before him. He couldn't settle for anything but the best. And no. He wasn't a perfectionist. He just wanted to outsmart Lucifer. It was his ultimate goal. Though he never achieved it which made him restless. Second to Lucifer? No that couldn't do. And so there he was. Studying in an attempt to surpass his older brother.

One day he had invited you to accompany him to the library to study together and since you had nothing else better to do you accepted with a happy smile on your face. After all you wouldn't say no to spending time with one of your favourite demon brothers. And now there you were. Sitting together in the library, going over the topics of human corruption and seduction over and over again. Though the phrase "human seduction" echoed in Satan's mind and he couldn't get rid of it. He was lost in his thoughts. You had already seduced him and his brothers but the question was whether someone had managed to seduce you. And if someone had.. who was it? Satan could only hope it was him.

Soon enough a tap on the shoulder from you managed to pull him out of his thoughts.

-Satan? Are you okay? –You asked, looking over at the fourth-born with a concerned expression. He shook his head and put on a warm smile as he looked at you.

-Yeah. Everything is okay. I just zoned out for a moment. –He responded and moved his gaze down to the book that was sitting on the table before both of you.

-Okay no problem but could you explain to me this topic right here? I don't really understand it.. –You point at a paragraph in the textbook and he nods his head upon reading the paragraph himself.

-Sure.. hm.. but before I do, MC.. I want to thank you for coming with me today. It means a lot.. –The fourth-born mumbled before running a hand through his hair. You smiled and nodded.

-Of course, Satan. You know I enjoy coming with you to the library to read books together or just study like today. –You say and read over the paragraph you mentioned to Satan one more time.

-Actually, MC.. You've become more important to me than books.. –The demon speaks and puts his hand over yours, trying to get your attention. You turn your head towards him and look at him in confusion.

-I have?

-Yes, MC... –He says in response and looks down at the book in front of him

-Actually what I'm trying to say is that I love you, MC... I've known for a while now but I was trying to find the best fitting time to tell you.. –Satan spoke and looked back at you with a soft, sincere look in his eyes. Your eyes widened and your cheeks reddened at his words. It was the first time Satan said those words. The way they came out of his mouth made you want to hear him say it again, again and again. You swear it made you weak in the knees even if you were sitting on a chair at the moment. Soon enough the smile returned to your face and you turned to the fourth-born who had an anxious look in his face.

-I love you too, Satan.. –You speak and see his expression light up. He quickly pulled you in for a warm hug full of all the pent up love he's held for you. Then he pulled your chair closer, the warmth of his hand around yours grounded him. Finally, he was where he wanted to be—by your side, knowing that it was him who had won your heart. In that moment, nothing else mattered, not even the books before him.

Asmodeus

The fifth-born was feeling very pamperous today. From the moment you woke up Asmodeus was right there with you, showering you with compliments and affection. He took you out shopping for clothes and makeup. The demon of lust showed you each of the new items in the new collection Majolish had released with big enthusiasm. He even bought for you and himself a few matching pieces! Afterwards he took you to a pastry shop to take a few pictures together with some pretty cupcakes the fifth-born had had his eye on for a while.

By the end of the day you were spent. Asmo made sure to take you to every place he desired throughout the whole day. Now you were sitting together in his room, enjoying a glass of demonus and sharing a conversation with one another. It was peaceful. The floral scent of candles could be sensed throughout the room which almost made you feel drowsy. Asmodeus' voice was like a soothing lullaby, which helped you relax after the long day. Soon after the soothing sound of the demon's voice stopped and your eyes popped open. You looked towards him. He was gazing at you with eyes full of love and admiration. It was like he had seen an angel. Upon seeing you open your eyes Asmo smiled and sat closer to you on the bed.

-You are awake? I thought you had fallen asleep, sweetie.–He speaks in that same soft voice he used earlier. The same voice that could make you weak in the knees. And the same voice that was about to lure you into a peaceful slumber.

-I was about to, but you stopped talking. –You responded, putting on a fake pouty expression to which you earned a heartfelt chuckle from the fifth-born.

-Oh so my voice made you feel drowsy? What a compliment, MC! –Asmo smiles and gazes at your face without saying anything.

-You know... You looked really beautiful like that. Your eyes closed, your body relaxed, a soft smile to your face.. i haven't seen such.. angelic beauty since I fell from grace. –He spoke up once again with a gentle tone, looking into your eyes with a sincere expression.

-And as much as I love and appreciate beauty.. recently I've been feeling different. Not about beauty of course. It's not like me to be insecure.. but about you. –He stopped talking after the last sentence and looked down at his hands which were resting on his lap. He fidgets with his fingers, biting his lower lip in an attempt to find the right words he was looking for. You shot him a questioning look before deciding to speak.

-What is that supposed to mean? –You say in a soft voice, looking over at the demon next to you.

-I love you, MC. And it's not the kind of love I have for beauty, or my fans or even random succubi. It's more deep and pure if you know what I mean. –He looks back upon finishing his sentence and your eyes widen. Of course he's said that he loved you before but this time it felt different. It felt real and genuine. Your heart fluttered to the thought and you felt your cheeks heat up. Asmo immediately noticed the colour of your face and let out a subtle chuckle.

-The colour of your cheeks is telling me that you feel the same. Is that right, hun? –He speaks gently and reaches to take your hand on his. His touch is soft and gentle without any unnecessary force. You smile and squeeze his hand.

-It's true. I love you too, Asmo. –You murmur and look over at the demon whose expression looked as bright as day. His smile was wide ans you could swear that his eyes were smiling as well. He pulled you in for a hug and placed a soft to your cheek, forging all of his pent up love into it.

Beelzebub

One evening the sixth-born invited you to dine out with him, to celebrate a recent accomplishment at RAD. The demon's smile shined bright when you agreed. It was always so pure and innocent which made him easy to love. After getting ready you walked towards the entrance where you saw Beel waiting for you. He smiled upon seeing you and offered you a warm greeting. Both of you walked to Hell's kitchen since Beel mentioned that he's been craving hell burgers ever since he woke up that day and couldn't wait any longer to have it. Not to mention that you heard his stomach growl a few times on your way to the restaurant.

Soon enough both of you were sitting on a table at Hell's kitchen, with a bunch of food surrounding you. The amount of it could make you gag just by stealing a glance but the sixth-born didn't seem to mind. Without wasting another second he began devouring the food in front of him while you began eating what was on your own plate. After a while you picked up your glass and took a sip of the demonus, offered by the waitress. Its sweet yet bitter taste flooded your mouth, making it easier to swallow the dry food. Beel on the other hand didn't seem to have problems with finishing his food in just a few minutes without even touching his own demonus though he didn't leave it. Soon after finishing the food he made sure the glass of the alcoholic drink was also empty. After a while you.felt his gaze fall on you. He wasn't staring deep into your soul or anything like that. He was just mindlessly gazing at you as if he was admiring the way you fed yourself to the food before you. You lifted your gaze to meet his and he offered you an innocent smile which you returned before taking another sip of your demonus.

-How was the food? –You question, in an attempt to begin a conversation. The demon looks down at his empty plate and thinks for a few seconds before lifting his head.

-Honestly? I was too hungry to taste it.. I just swallowed it without thinking much.. –He spoke as he fidgeted with his fingers underneath the table. You chuckled at his words before shaking your head.

-You had so much food yet you didn't taste it? Ooohh Beel... –You roll your eyes before taking another bite. The demon didn't respond. Instead he continued looking at you with a thoughtful expression which you couldn't help but be curious about. What could he be possibly thinking around? Was he waiting for you to offer him your food? You might as well. But before you could Beelzebub spoke up.

-You know, MC. I think you've become as important to me as food is.. or even more of I dare to say.. –Your eyes widened softly before turning back to normal. You looked at him with a questioning expression and swallowing the food before speaking.

-More important than food? What do you mean? –You question and leave the fork onto the empty plate, gazing into the eyes of the sixth-born.

-What I mean is that I.. I love you, MC. –He said with a soft voice. You caught a glimpse of pink, color his cheeks before he looked away. You immediately reached and took his hand in yours before responding.

-Aww, Beel.. I love you too.. –You spoke as you caressed his knuckles. He lifted his head, eyes immediately locking onto yours.

-You do? –He asked and you nodded with a soft smile.

-I do. A lot. –He smiled upon your words and squeezed your hand, tight enough for you to feel his love through his grip.

Belphegor

After a long day at RAD the seventh-born had invited you to stargaze together in the attic. So when the night arrived you put on your pyjamas and hurried to the attic, only to see that Belphie was already there waiting for you. He was sitting on the bed with his sleeping attire on, barely keeping his eyes open. You chuckled to the sight and walked over to him. When you poked his cheek his eyes opened gently and he looked at you.

-Oh, MC. You're here.. –He said as he laid onto the soft mattress pulling you along with him. You chuckled and let yourself be pulled by the demon.

After a while both of you were snuggled warmly together, gazing at the stars through the window. The atmosphere was peaceful. There weren't any distractions. Only the faint glow of the stars and the sound of your and his breathings. Belphie gazed at the stars as if he was counting them. You settled your eyes on a few stars which looked beautiful from the angle you saw them and stared at them. Upon pointing them out to the demon he smiled and pulled you closer, telling you that two of those stars were his and Beel's. The moment was precious to both you and him.

After a while you felt the demon move his gaze to yours, gazing at you with soft and sleepy eyes. Next he snuggled closer to you, laying his head on your chest, exhaling contently as he did so.

-You've so comfortable, MC. I love cuddling and watching the stars with you. It's soothing.. –He said in a sleepy manner before closing his eyes, drifting off into a peaceful nap. You caressed his hair, fidgeting with the locks of it. Unexpectedly though the demon mumbled something which you could barely understand.

-I love you, MC... –He whispered and you looked down at his sleeping form in awe. It wasn't rare when the seventh-born would speak in his sleep so you weren't as surprised. What surprised you though were his words. "I love you". You've never heard him say those words to you. Sure, he'd always show you through acts of love or physical touch but words were different. You felt your heart flutter and your cheeks heat up as you caressed your hand over his hair once again.

-I love you too, Belphie. –You whispered in response. You wondered whether to answer him since he would probably wake up to the sound of your voice but it felt essential so you did. Upon hearing your words the demon squeezed you tighter in his sleep which caused a wide smile to appear on your face. It was his way of showing you that he heard your response and how happy it made him feel.

[scary-grace]

hands-off, hands-on - a shigaraki x f!reader fic

This was inspired by this art and a comment left on it about the risks of trying to jerk off with a quirk like Decay. It was also inspired by @obsessedtomone and @scarlettcryptid, who encouraged me to write it and then to post it. The pun in the title was my idea and not their fault.

Shigaraki's quirk makes life difficult in a lot of ways, but there's only one he can't find a way around, and since you joined the League of Villains, it's gotten even worse. When the truth comes out at last, he's expecting it to be a disaster and nothing else. He definitely isn't expecting you to offer to help. (cross-posted to Ao3) Canonverse, one-shot, smut.

Shigaraki Tomura’s quirk is everything to him. It’s how he found himself alone in the world as a five-year-old, even if he can’t remember the details. It’s why Sensei took an interest in him, why Sensei took him in, why Sensei chose him to carry on his work. It’s the perfect tool for someone like Shigaraki, who hates everything, who wants nothing more than to destroy everything he doesn’t like. Decay is the best thing that’s ever happened to Shigaraki. And at the same time, it absolutely, categorically sucks.

Shigaraki might hate everything, but he doesn’t hate it all the time, and the times when he doesn’t hate it are times when he’d love to be able to just have whatever it is without being one wrong move away from ruining it. Name a thing he likes, and his quirk is ready and waiting to fuck it up – gaming, eating, sleeping, even reading the fucking newspaper. He can do all those things four-fingered, if he stays focused. It’s the stuff he can’t stay focused on that’s impossible.

He can’t stay focused when he’s horny, at least not enough to keep from potentially Decaying his dick off. Shigaraki doesn’t actually know if his quirk works on himself, and he’s not interested in finding out. And that means that no matter how horny Shigaraki gets or how many poorly timed boners he pops, jerking off is permanently off the table.

That’s not to say Shigaraki’s never finished. He has. He’s spent so much time humping pillows that he had to learn to do his own laundry. But there’s something really pathetic about being twenty years old with two working hands and still be stuck grinding on a pillow to make himself come, and it always takes so stupidly long. Now that Shigaraki’s got the League of Villains, now that he’s got plans to make and Sensei’s legacy to fulfill, he doesn’t have that kind of time. When he wakes up with the world’s worst morning wood after a dream he doesn’t remember clearly, there’s nothing he can do but wait for it to go away.

It fades – enough – but the feeling doesn’t, and eventually Shigaraki doesn’t have a choice but to drag himself out of bed. He slinks from his room to the bar, hoping it’ll be empty, with the rest of the League out and about preparing for the mission and Kurogiri somewhere nearby if Shigaraki needs him but not actually right there to ask him what’s bothering him. Shigaraki can pour his own drinks. Maybe he can get out of this if he gives himself whiskey dick on purpose. Kurogiri’s not in the bar, just like he was hoping, but it’s not empty, either. You’re there, sprawled out over the bar with a sweating glass of water on a coaster in front of you.

Shigaraki’s jaw clenches at the sight. “What are you doing here?” he demands, and you look up. “Don’t you have something to do?”

“I did it already.” You yawn. “Using my quirk tires me out.”

“Really?” Shigaraki can’t keep the irritation out of his voice. “Making people stupid is that exhausting?”

Your quirk is a weird one. It lets you increase or decrease a target’s ability to plan, reason, problem-solve, remember things, and learn – in other words, their intelligence. “From this distance, for as many people as you need me to hit?” You yawn again and drop your head back down to the bar. “Yeah. Remember, I have to keep them all being stupid the same way, right up until it’s too late. Or your plan won’t work.”

Shigaraki had the pieces of the plan before he made you use your quirk on him, but once you used the quirk on him, he did some fine-tuning on the strategy, and he came up with the idea of using your quirk the opposite way, too. While the rest of the League is planning to make the attack on UA’s summer training camp a success, you’re using your quirk every day on the heroes in charge of planning the camp itself. Shigaraki’s not actually going to know if it works until after the attack, and that pisses him off. “Go nap somewhere else, then.”

“I’m not going to bother you,” you say. “Where else am I supposed to go, anyway? Your room?”

Shigaraki’s this close to saying yes, just to get you to leave, before he remembers what his room looks like – and remembers that he spent a while trying to see if grinding one out would work this time. He can’t kick you out of the hideout. You look like shit, and you’ll attract a lot of attention. “Fine. Shut up.”

“Yep.” You fold your arms on the bar and rest your head on them, shutting your eyes.

Even when you aren’t looking at him or talking, your presence bothers Shigaraki. It’s bothered him since the beginning – as much as he’s bothered by the others, in a different way than he’s bothered by the others. While the others can at least manage to avoid pissing Shigaraki off, there’s nothing you do that doesn’t cause some kind of problem. If you’re talking to him too much, he’s annoyed because he doesn’t know why you’re talking to him. If you’re not talking to him, he’s pissed about that, too. If you’re not around, he’s mad that you’re avoiding him, and if you are around, he wishes you weren’t. The fact that you’re here was a big problem for him even before he started having the dreams.

Shigaraki can’t remember the details of last night’s dream, but he knows you were in it. He pours himself a drink, takes the bottle with him, and sits down at the far end of the bar from you. You don’t look up again, and Shigaraki finishes his first drink, then half of his second, with no improvement on the situation. He shifts on the barstool, trying to get more comfortable. He needs to find something else to do. Something that will distract him from how stupidly horny he is.

You’re right there, and being irritated with you for doing anything at all is as good a distraction as anything else. “If all you’re doing is making a couple of heroes slightly dumber, you’re not really pulling your weight, are you?”

You don’t stir, but Shigaraki sees your shoulders stiffen. “What else should I be doing?”

“More,” Shigaraki says. You lift your head to look at him dead on, and Shigaraki hates that so much that he loses his train of thought for a second. “I don’t want them slightly dumber. I want them so stupid they can’t walk in a straight line. You have to get closer to them for that? So get closer. Get out of here and –”

“If I make them that stupid, the heroes will know that something’s wrong,” you interrupt. “My quirk’s in the government databases. If I do anything too obvious, they’ll know I’m working with you, and they’ll change their plans. Or they’ll change who they’re using to execute those plans. For my quirk to work on someone, I need to know who they are.”

Shigaraki knows how your quirk works. He’s not stupid. “I could do what you want me to do, but it would ruin your plans,” you say. “I don’t want to do that.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I wanted to take a nap,” you say. You sit up straight on your stool, get to your feet and start towards Shigaraki. “Now I want to know what I did to piss you off.”

You’re coming closer. Shigaraki feels a surge of panic. “Get away from me.”

“No.” You sit down one barstool away from Shigaraki, but still way too close for comfort. Shigaraki’s skin feels hot, and in spite of the fact that he left his room wearing sweatpants, they’re getting tight. “You let me join the League, but ever since I got here, I can’t do anything right. You’re mad at me all the time, and today you’re even madder than usual.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” you say. You keep staring. Shigaraki looks away, and you say the first thing he’s ever heard you say that makes you sound like a villain. “Either you can tell me the truth, or I’ll use my quirk on myself and figure it out.”

Shigaraki’s stomach lurches. “I thought you were too tired to use your quirk.”

“Not on myself,” you say. Shigaraki glances back at you. You’re almost smiling. He’s seen you smile before, talking to Toga or Magne, but not like that. “You can tell me, or I’ll find out on my own. Your choice.”

You’re not screwing around. Shigaraki thinks fast. He could Decay you, but – Shigaraki writes off the thought before he can even complete it. He has to tell you something, and it has to be convincing. But he doesn’t have to tell you everything to keep you from using your quirk. It’s going to be humiliating, but nowhere close to as humiliating as the whole truth, and he opens his mouth and spits it out. “I’m horny.”

You blink. “So jerk off.”

“I can’t.” Shigaraki sees your eyebrows lift, skeptical as hell, and loses patience, even as his face heats up. “My quirk. Anything I touch with five fingers –”

“And you can’t jerk off without –” You break off mid-question, looking just as uncomfortable as Shigaraki feels. “So you’ve never –”

“No, I have, I just –” This is way more information than you need to know. Shigaraki grits his teeth. “You wanted an answer. There’s your answer. Leave me alone.”

You don’t leave Shigaraki alone. You actually move over onto the stool next to his. “So you’re just going to be a dick to me any time you’re horny.”

It’s your fault Shigaraki’s horny. Before you showed up, he could deal with things on his own, but now instead of videos and games to fixate on he has fantasies – because he can imagine about what you’d look like under him, what you’d sound like, what you’d feel like. All of which are the worst possible things for Shigaraki to be thinking about right now. He’s completely hard, again. Maybe you can tell, or maybe you’re using your quirk on him after all, because you’re making a really weird face. “If you’re going to be a dick any time you’re horny –”

You break off. Shigaraki thinks, fleetingly, about Decaying you. At this point he’d rather Decay himself, because if even he kills you, he’ll still have to remember that this happened. You take a deep breath, let it go. “Do you want help?”

Shigaraki’s mind blue-screens for a second. “What?”

“If this is why you’re like this, then it’s easy to fix,” you repeat. Your hands are clenched into fists on your thighs, and you slowly uncurl them. “Do you want me to help?”

“Help with what?”

“Jerking off,” you say. You make an awkward gesture, and every muscle in Shigaraki’s body goes tense as he imagines your hands around his cock. You have to be messing with him. There’s no way you’re actually offering – that. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Shigaraki finishes his drink and stands up before he can think any more about it. He grimaces as his cock strains against the fabric of his pants, and feels a surge of embarrassment when he realizes you’re looking at it – but it’ll be over soon. In the face of getting some, and getting it from you, nothing else matters. “Let’s go.”

Shigaraki’s nerves kick in on the walk back to his room. Not enough to make the hard-on he’s coping with fade even slightly, but enough to remind him that this is probably a bad idea. But you’re following him, and you haven’t changed your mind. Shigaraki’s not chickening out first. The nerves get worse when he opens the door to his room and realizes what a mess it is. “Uh –”

“Where do you usually sit?” You don’t look impressed – or disgusted, now that Shigaraki thinks about it. “On the bed?”

Shigaraki sits down on the bed – which he didn’t make, because he never makes it – and you sit down next to him. You don’t do anything. “I thought you were going to help me.”

“Show me what you do,” you say. Shigaraki stares at you. His heart is racing, his pulse hammering so hard that he feels it everywhere. “Go as far as you can, and then I’ll keep doing what you do.”

That makes sense, probably. Shigaraki’s mind is startling to scramble. He decides to think about it later and catches the hem of his shirt, hiking it up and out of the way. He knows from experience that it’ll slide back, so he pins it between his teeth and reaches down to his waistband, shoving at it until his pants are down around his thighs and his cock is free.

His hard-on looks like it feels. Uncomfortable, leaking, hot to the touch when he wraps three fingers and his thumb around his shaft. Shigaraki tries a few of the same insufficient strokes as always and feels the muscles in his abdomen and thighs clench. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. A frustrated sound edges out around the fabric in Shigaraki’s mouth. Aren’t you supposed to help him? He looks at you. You’re looking away.

“Hey,” Shigaraki says, the hem of the shirt falling from his mouth, and you look at him. “You wanted to help. Pay attention.”

Your face is flushed. You nod, and you reach out – but only so you can grasp the hem of Shigaraki’s shirt and pull it out of the way again, your knuckles brushing over his abdomen in a way that makes him twitch. You’re sitting closer to him now than you were before, close enough that he can almost feel the heat of your body, and imagine how it would feel to have you pressed against him. One of your hands is holding his shirt up. The other comes to rest on his lower abdomen, fingertips brushing through his hair, centimeters away from the base of his cock.

Shigaraki squirms involuntarily, trying to move your hand lower and jeopardizing his own strokes at the same time. Even when he lifts his hips to meet his own hand, he can’t lose control the way he wants to, can’t chase the feeling he needs. He needs it. He needs it and he’s never come even close to having it, until now. Shigaraki tries to focus. You’re only going to help once he’s gone as far as he can, so he’d better get there as fast as possible.

He shouldn’t have told you to pay attention. Now you’re watching everything, your face still flushed and your eyes glued to Shigaraki’s every move, taking everything in. Do you like this? Do you like watching Shigaraki’s pathetic attempts to get himself off? Whether you like it or not, you’re still touching him when you don’t have to. Shigaraki’s fingers tighten involuntarily around his cock, his fourth finger almost coming down, and he loosens up in a hurry. But that’s no good, either. He tries again.

It’s the same as always. Shigaraki makes it one or two strokes before it gets dangerous, enough to show him what he could have and not enough to get him there. He’s sweaty and his heart is beating too hard and the same frustrated tears as always are stinging his eyes. He curses, lets go – and a warm hand slides between his legs to replace his.

Shigaraki almost comes on the spot. It takes every ounce of willpower he has, and he almost blows it again as he watches you adjust your hold on him, shaping your hand more closely around his cock. You’re slow about it, but you sure as hell aren’t hesitant. Shigaraki can’t look for longer than a few strokes. It’s too humiliating to see the intensity of his own reaction, precum oozing from the tip of his cock and his hips jerking upwards into your hand. He clenches his jaw and shuts his eyes.

“Hey. Pay attention.” Are you making fun of him? Shigaraki opens his eyes and finds you looking at him. “I need to know if I’m doing it right.”

“What do you think?” Shigaraki forces the words out through gritted teeth. “Do you need me to tell you you’re doing a good job or something?”

“That might be nice,” you muse. Your hold on him loosens slightly – not enough to complain about, more than enough to read as a threat. “Since I can’t do anything else right around here, I at least want to be good at getting you off.”

Your grip tightens again, and you run your thumb lightly over the tip of Shigaraki’s cock at the end of the next stroke. Shigaraki couldn’t pull a move like that if his fucking life depended on it, which it would. He was going to tell you not to ask stupid questions, like if you’re good at getting him off when he’s two seconds away from blowing his load all over himself, but instead he moans, so loudly that people can probably hear it two streets away. You replay the same stroke, slower this time, pulling Shigaraki’s back into an arch to match the upward motion of your hand, and then you spend a few seconds just toying with his tip, barely touching him at all.

Are you trying to make him squirm? Shigaraki hates that it’s working, hates that you won’t just give him what he needs – but then you’re back to stroking his cock again, and Shigaraki relaxes, as much as it’s possible to relax. It feels good, even better than he thought it would. And even better than that, because he doesn’t have to do anything. All he has to do is sit back and enjoy it.

“Hold your shirt up,” you say, and Shigaraki grabs it clumsily. Your now-free hand traces quickly down Shigaraki’s chest, along his stomach, skidding sideways over his hip before sliding between his legs. There’s not room for both of your hands. Shigaraki spreads his legs without thinking twice.

You make a weird sound – maybe a gasp. “Stop that,” you say, but now you’re cradling his balls in addition to stroking his cock, so Shigaraki’s not interested in stopping much of anything. “It’s working.”

No shit it’s working. Shigaraki’s entire body is wound tight, so much that he can’t even twitch or thrust or squirm – all he can do is strain, agonizingly tense, every atom of his body focused on the motion of your hands. Shigaraki squeezes his eyes shut. His shirt crumbles away as he claws at it, the sheets on his bed going the same way a second later as he fights to ground himself. He needs more. Shigaraki needs to come right now, before he grabs onto something he can’t replace.

The word struggles out of his mouth sideways, twisted and strained just like the rest of him. “Please –”

You don’t answer him, but Shigaraki feels you shift closer to him. He opens his eyes and you’re right there, close enough that he can feel your breath against his skin. You’re watching him, head tilted, lips parted, so close. Shigaraki’s so close, and he needs more from you. He seizes the front of your shirt to pull you down to him, only for it to Decay when you’re halfway there. But Shigaraki gets lucky. You lean in the rest of the way and press your lips against his.

It’s not because of that. Shigaraki’s coming hard enough to see stars, hard enough that he blacks out for a second, but it’s not because you’re kissing him. His cum spills everywhere, onto his sweatpants and his stomach and over your fingers, and you keep stroking him with slick hands. You don’t pull away until Shigaraki’s whining against your mouth and you’ve drawn out every drop of cum he has to give.

And then you sit back, and let go, and look away. “I need a new shirt.”

You’re sitting next to him, on his bed, in just your bra. The sight would get Shigaraki hard again in an instant if you hadn’t just made him come hard enough to disconnect his spine. He raises a shaky hand and points to his hoodie, slung over the back of his computer chair, but you don’t go for it. Instead you get up and head to the bathroom to wash your hands.

Shigaraki needs to wash everything. His sweatpants, himself – the stupid mattress, since he was dumb enough to Decay the sheets off it right before he blew what feels like the biggest load in history. What else was he supposed to do, though? No way was he going to be able to control himself while you worked him over. No way is he going to be able to think about anything else the next time he sees you do anything with your hands. Or with your mouth.

It occurs to Shigaraki vaguely that while he’s solved the initial problem of being too horny to function, he’s set himself up for something even worse – more dreams, made all the more vivid because he’s got experience to back them up. He might be good to go for now. Probably for the rest of the day, since it’ll be a miracle if he can do anything other than clean up and take a nap. But he’ll be right back where he started the next time he wakes up from another dream about you.

The water from the sink shuts off, and a moment later you come back out, snagging Shigaraki’s hoodie off the chair and pulling it on over your bra. Shigaraki feels a faint twinge of foreboding at the sight, but it fades fast. Sure, he could wake up tomorrow morning with the boner from hell and it’ll be all your fault. But now he’s got a way out of it, and the way out of it is so good that what it takes to get there barely even matters. And he’s in a good enough mood to admit to himself that you do things right a lot more than you do things wrong.

Which reminds him – “Hey,” Shigaraki says, still humiliatingly breathless, and you pause in the act of pulling the hood up. “You did a good job.”

He might still be out of breath, but your face is still flushed. “Good,” you say, and you turn to leave. Shigaraki doesn’t hear you speak again until you’re already out the door. “Next time I’ll do better.”

Better might kill him. Next time. Shigaraki pulls up his sweatpants so his dick isn’t hanging out, makes no other effort at cleaning up, and falls asleep with something that feels like a smile on his face.

[covenofagatha]

A dance with death (and her wife) (Part 8)

You struggle after Rio and Agatha disappear from your motel room

Word count: 5500

Warnings: murder, sex, oral, strap-on, sex toys

A/N: thank you to everyone who read this fic and I really hope you guys are satisfied with the ending!

It’s been a month since you’ve last seen them. 

It’s been a month since they fled your motel room and left in their respective cars, going somewhere, because they either thought you were serious about catching them, weren’t entirely sure, or for some third reason unknown to you. 

You can’t believe they would just leave like that. Leave you like that. After everything, they thought you would just betray them? 

Blood had boiled through your veins that night, anger at having come so close to what you think you’ve always wanted, and you had swept through the room in a tornado, throwing flowers and shoving papers off the table and banging on the wall. Tony tried to get you to calm down but you had snarled and he had looked at you like you were a feral, rabid animal. 

Maybe you were. 

You grabbed your keys and stormed off to your car, leaving Tony to deal with the dead body. Lead foot on the gas pedal, you drove hysterically to Agatha and Rio’s house, pleading and begging and praying that they would be there. 

It didn’t even look like they had come back. You turned the place upside down, out of rage, out of fear, out of hurt.

You had sunk to your knees and hadn’t moved from your spot on the floor the entire night until you felt a hand on your shoulder after light was breaking through the windows. 

Looking up, a pinch of hope in your heart, you were incredibly dismayed to find that it was only Tony. 

“Come on, kid,” he had said. “Let’s get you home.” 

You had numbly agreed and two hours later, you were on the jet with him flying back to Miami. He had told the Westview PD that you had gotten far too entangled in the case and that for your own safety, he was pulling you off it. Plus, it seemed that the killers had left Westview. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to reveal their identities, even though you knew it wouldn’t be hard for them to piece it together with Agatha and Rio gone too. 

When you had landed back in Miami, you had attempted to resume your normal life, but the memories of their mouths against yours and the thrill you felt with them haunted you. 

The cases in Miami were boring, even when it was a female killer. It was as if all the colors in the world had faded and everything was just a dull gray now. 

Tony made you go to therapy but it didn’t help. And you kind of had trust issues with therapists now. 

You would wake up, go to work in a zombie-like state, come home, and sit in the dark until you dozed off, hoping you would wake up to find them standing there. 

They never did. 

Two weeks after coming back, the bags under your eyes were prominent and you looked racoonish, you were hardly eating because you couldn’t taste it, and you were getting maybe two hours of sleep a night. You spent the nights now pouring over the database, trying to find new cases that could be them in case they were trying to send you a message. 

Nothing. The Witch and Lady Death, Agatha and Rio, had completely vanished. 

They had brought you into their life, made you remember what you did, made you into a murderer, and then left. You were supposed to be with them right now, wherever they were. 

It was funny, you hadn’t been completely sure you wanted to go with them until you couldn’t. 

The irony left a bitter taste in your mouth. 

“Agent, you need to stop all this moping and crying,” Tony had finally snapped at you one day, about three weeks after you’d been back. “They’re gone, they got away, let it go. You’re going to kill yourself if you keep this up.” 

You had clenched your jaw, your resentment at him being the reason why you were here coming back with a vengeance. It had dissipated a little, but now it was a roaring fire in your head. “I quit,” you had said, and his mouth had dropped open but you were already putting your badge and your gun on his desk. 

It has been a week since that, and you’ve spent it curled up on your couch, staring into space. 

There’s a knock on your door and you stumble toward it. The pizza guy is standing on your porch and you take the box and hand him a $20 before slamming the door in his face. 

You’re not sure when the last time you’ve actually said a word out loud was. 

Maybe since you’ve quit. 

You know you’re in a depressive episode, it happens sometimes, but this one feels worse than all the others. 

And then the sadness turns to anger and how dare they do this to you. Do they not realize that they’ve completely fucked up your life? Are you ever going to see them again? 

When you get to the bargaining point soon after, because apparently you’re going through the five stages of grief, a plan begins to form in your mind. 

Their murders brought you to Westview. Maybe you can bring them here. 

For the first time, you let yourself go into the suitcase of clothes they gave you. You reach into the small pocket of it and pull out a vial, one you took from their house on the last night when you had torn through their house. One of Agatha’s “potions.” 

And you finally feel life starting to seep back into your bones. 

Now you just had to figure out who. Could be a random person, it would definitely be easier that way. But you need to draw attention to yourself, need to make sure that they see it. 

Your doorbell rings and you shove the vial back into the bag and go see who it is. 

It’s Tony. You swing open the door and he breezes past you into your living room. 

“Come on in,” you mutter sardonically under your breath, your voice sounding hoarse. 

You can hear him scoff and then the curtains are drawn and you wince when you realize just how dark it’s been in here. The sunlight burns you and you take in the mess that your house has become. Plates with half-eaten food and cups still mostly full litter the coffee table and bookshelves, stuff you couldn’t even be bothered to clean. 

Tony points to the box of pizza. “Early lunch?” 

As if you know what time it is. “Yeah, something like that,” you shrug. Did you order that today? Or was that from yesterday? The day before? It’s all completely blurred together. 

“How are you doing?” He asks and you almost snort. 

How does it look like you’re doing? “I’m hanging in there,” you say and he forces a smile. There’s an awkwardness between you and the man who used to be a father figure and you know it’s all your fault. 

“Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Pepper’s out of town and it’s just me, so let me cook something for you. I want to make sure you’re eating, I’ve been worried about you,” he admits and it tugs at your heartstrings just a little. 

You nod. “Yeah, okay, sure. What time?” 

He checks his watch and you can see 11:31 am on it. You could’ve sworn it was some time in the evening. “How about six? I can make some pasta? Chicken alfredo, your favorite, how does that sound?” 

“That would be great,” you agree, trying to ignore how much it hurts that he remembers. 

“Okay, good,” he says. 

A silence stretches between you and you rock back and forth on your feet. “Um, can I bring anything? Dessert or a side or something?”

He smiles for real this time and chokes out a laugh. “How about that crumb cake you used to bring to all the dinners? Remember when Happy ate almost the entire thing and then pretended he hadn’t?” 

“Like the crumbs weren’t all over his mouth and his suit,” you finish the story, chuckling. Back when things were simple. “I can whip one up, don’t worry.” 

“Excellent. Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight then?” He says and you purse your lips in an attempt to smile. Did you forget how?

“Yeah, thanks,” you confirm and he dips his head before making some excuse about why he has to leave. You lead him to the door and then close it after him, exhaling for a long time. 

A random person being killed might not get the attention of Agatha and Rio. But the director of an FBI branch? 

That would most likely do the trick. 

Now you just need a few more things. It can’t just be a sloppy kill, you need it to be direct, exact. You need it to be so much like their murders, need it to look like The Witch and Lady Death followed you back down to Miami, that they know with one-hundred percent certainty that it was you. 

You have the drug. You have a knife that can be used to cut through his flesh. You have some bleach, but you don’t have the hydrofluoric acid for clean-up or a purple azalea. 

It will be tough, probably impossible, to get the acid so you drop that. Even if it appears to be a copycat killer, the result will still hopefully be the same. 

Or they won’t come and you’ll get arrested.

It’s a risk you’re willing to take. 

You go to the grocery store to pick up the things you need for the crumb cake and then stop by a florist to get the flowers. It’s a smaller one, a little further out of town with no cameras, so it will be harder to track down whoever bought the flowers soon to be at a crime scene. When you order a bouquet of purple azaleas, the older lady at the register coos. 

“Aw, honey, whoever you’re getting these for must really be a special someone. These are beautiful flowers,” she tells you and you smile wistfully despite yourself. 

“Yes, they are,” you agree, talking more about the people being special than the flowers being beautiful, but both are true. The sickly sweet honeysuckle scent has become a pleasant smell to you, whereas before, it made you want to throw up. 

She hands the bouquet over to you and you pay in cash. Then you drive back to your house, put the flowers in a vase, and bake the cake. 

An hour later, when it’s ready, you take out the vial and douse the top with it. You shouldn’t feel a thrill, shouldn’t feel a burst of adrenaline run through you, but this is the most alive you’ve felt in a month. 

You put on a dress, black for the occasion, and do your hair and makeup. It feels like you’re on a death march, walking toward something inevitable that will either make or break you. If it doesn’t work, if it doesn’t bring them back to you, you’re not sure what you’re going to do. 

Spend the rest of your life on the run? Rot in prison? Or –

No. You’re not going to think about that, not even going to count that as an option. It’s going to work. It has to. 

And then it’s time to go. You wrap up the cake, put a blazer over your dress and slip the knife and a single flower into the pockets, grab cleaning supplies, and get in your car. You’ve been to Tony’s house a few times for FBI Christmas parties and the occasional dinner with Tony, his wife, and a few other colleagues, but you still remember which way to go. It’s complete muscle memory, you don’t even realize that you’re driving until you get there. 

Your heart rattles against your ribcage, but not from nerves. It’s from excitement. 

God, you’re really fucked in the head, aren’t you? You tell yourself that it’s not because you’re about to kill him, it’s because you’re going to see them soon. 

It doesn’t take long for Tony to open the door after you ring the doorbell and your breath is already coming out short and shallow so you have to slow it before he suspects something. 

“The cake,” you say, presenting it to him and he rubs his hand together before taking the pan from you. He leads you into the kitchen where you smell the pasta he’s been cooking. It makes your mouth water and for the first time in a month, you actually want to eat. 

The dinner is nice; pleasant conversation, good food and wine. He catches you up on some cases the FBI is working on, but there’s no hostility in his voice. You laugh and smile and do whatever is appropriate, just killing time until the main event. You haven’t been able to stop thinking about them, about Agatha and Rio, and your fingers twitch against your leg in anticipation. 

Tony goes and gets the cake and your breath stutters in your throat when he unwraps it. “Do you want a piece?” He asks, cutting himself a big one. 

“No, I’m pretty full,” you say and he shrugs, accepting it without a fight. You watch him with wide eyes as he takes his first bite and you swallow hard when he goes back for more. 

“Mm, this is so good,” he moans with his mouth full and you can’t help but wonder how long the drug takes to work. 

You don’t have to wonder much longer, because after the fourth bite, he coughs. You can’t breathe when he sets his fork down and reaches up to loosen his tie. There’s a change on his face and it absolutely delights you. 

He slides his chair back and you jump up. 

“Is there something in this?” He asks, but he sounds weak, tense. You walk around the table as Tony slides forward out of the chair and onto his knees. You bend down and tilt his chin up with your fingers. He’s struggling to hang on, little gasps slipping out of his mouth, but your eyes gleam as you take in the sight. 

The skin on his face tightens, shrivels, and dark lines etch into his face as his cheeks start to hollow out. You’ve got to give it to Agatha, she knows her way around chemicals. 

It’s only another minute or two and his body goes limp and slips down to the floor. The heat inside you is back, the ache floods through you, and more than anything, you wish they were there to take care of you. 

They will be soon. 

You just have to follow through on the rest of it. 

Standing up, you stretch your back just a little and then bend back over and grab onto his feet. You’re stronger than you look, but it still takes a good amount of effort to drag him into the living room. Agatha and Rio didn’t seem to stage their crime scenes per se, but no body was ever found in the kitchen, always on the floor of the living room. 

You straddle his body, unbutton his shirt, and pull the knife out from your pocket. Taking a deep breath, you hold it over where his heart is, grip the handle with both hands, and plunge. 

It goes in easy. Blood oozes out, but honestly, not as much as you thought. You remember reading that once the heart stops, the body doesn’t bleed as much, but since he just died and you’re cutting near the heart, there might be a little. 

That must be why Agatha and Rio had a relatively easy clean-up. 

You grunt with the exertion, dragging the knife in a circle. It’s harder than it seems to break through the bones of the ribcage, but you’re finally able to reach in and grab it. 

Pulling the heart out makes power rush through you and you squeeze it just to know what it feels like. It’s squishy almost, and more blood spurts out. 

And then you grimace. What are you supposed to do with it? You could leave it, but then you risk your DNA being found. You could take it with you, but you have no need for a heart. 

An idea crosses your mind and while it’s not a great one, it will definitely take care of the problem. You take it back into the kitchen, stuff it into the drain, and put a plastic container over it before turning on the garbage disposal. You have to hold the container with two hands so it doesn't fly off from the sheer force of the disposal destroying the heart. 

When you finally stop hearing resistance, you wash the container better than you’ve ever cleaned something before, making sure to get rid of any trace of chunks of heart and blood. 

And then you run out to your car to grab the bleach, gloves, and sponges from your car and get to work, scrubbing the floor until there’s nothing left. And then you put the purple flower into the gaping wound of his chest and you’re gone. 

When you get back to your house, you call the police and leave an anonymous tip about the sound of a struggle coming from Tony’s address, too impatient to wait for Pepper to come home and find him. 

And then you bide your time. 

A day passes. You turn on the news to see a special report about the director of the Miami FBI branch being murdered in his own home by seemingly the same killer as one from New Jersey. 

Two days. There’s a nationwide manhunt for the killers. You wonder if you’ve made it even more unsafe for them to come get you. 

Or maybe they’re just not coming. 

Three days. 

You’re back on the couch, in a cocoon of blankets, coming to terms that maybe you’re just never going to see them again. You wear the clothes they got you, anything to make you feel like they’re still in your life, and spray their perfume over you and over the blankets and over the pillows until your entire house smells like Thanatos. 

On the fourth day, you decide that you need to eat something or you’re going to wither away right there. You trudge your way into the kitchen slowly, a quilt wrapped around your shoulders, and you’re opening the fridge when you hear something. 

Your door is opening. 

Forcing yourself to calm down, you grab leftover chicken alfredo you took from Tony’s house and turn around. The container slips from your hand when you find Rio and Agatha standing there on the other side of your island. 

“Hi,” you breathe, feeling like you could cry tears of relief. 

Rio takes out a knife, twirls it between her fingers, and stalks over to you. You step back against the refrigerator and she presses the blade to the center of your clavicle and you should be scared. 

But then she leans in and sniffs up your neck like Agatha did in the evidence locker that day and you’re just excited. 

The older woman’s eyes watch the two of you carefully and you meet her gaze, seeing the heat in them. 

The knife digs into you, piercing your skin, and you can feel blood dripping down. Rio’s eyes dart down and her hazel eyes are dark when they flick back to yours. 

“Hey, doll,” she says, voice husky. “We saw your little stunt.” 

A smirk pulls at the corners of your lips. “Did you like it?” 

Agatha walks over, trailing her fingers on the surface of the island. She invades your space and swipes up the blood from your chest and holds her finger up to your mouth. “We sure did, superstar,” she says and you envelope her finger with your lips, sucking your blood off it. 

And then Rio sticks the knife into the waistband of her pants and draws you in for a hot kiss. She moans when she tastes the metallic flavor on your tongue and grips your waist to pull you in even closer to her. 

Agatha yanks on your hair, dragging you away from Rio’s mouth with a strand of saliva and then her lips are on your swollen ones, tugging and biting your bottom lip. 

While her tongue slides into your mouth, Rio kisses down your neck and over the slight puncture from her knife, soothing the sting. 

“I didn’t think you guys would come,” you confess against Agatha. 

Rio bites down on your collarbone and it makes you hiss. “We just wanted to make sure you actually wanted this,” she says hotly. Your chest flushes and she takes out the knife again and swiftly cuts through the silky fabric of your shirt. 

“I do,” you say, pleading for them to believe you, pouring all the emotions you’ve felt the past month at the thought of losing them into your tone. Rio kisses down your breasts, nipping at you through your bra and it makes you gasp. 

Agatha pulls away from you and steps behind Rio, moving her hair and pressing her mouth to the younger woman’s neck. “Poor Rio was so upset to think you would betray us like that,” she purrs and Rio nods, pouting mockingly. “I think you better make it up to her first, show her how much you want this.” 

The double meaning is clear and you are only too eager. You flip her around so her back is against the fridge, maybe a little more rougher than you need to be, and sink to your knees in front of her. 

You fumble with the waistband of her pants and she tips your chin up with her knife, reminding you of the night she did that with her gun. 

“Do a good job and we’ll reward you,” she says. 

Your hands finally drag her pants and underwear down and you smirk. “Ask your wife if she thinks I did a good job last time,” you retort and Agatha chuckles darkly from behind you and grips your hair before shoving your face into Rio’s dripping pussy. 

Rio gasps and Agatha holds you in place while you flatten your tongue and drag it through Rio’s folds. Her hips jerk on your face and you look up through your eyelashes to watch Agatha kiss her wife. 

Her scent invades your nose and her flavor fills your tastebuds and you moan, losing yourself in her. You lick around her clit until she’s practically shaking and she has to wrap an arm around Agatha’s shoulders to stay balanced. 

When you finally give in and suck on her clit, Rio keens and you can feel her growing even wetter on your chin. You see Agatha grip Rio’s throat and the sight makes you groan from how hot it is. You can hear Rio’s messy breathing as she starts to rut her hips against your face and you pick up the intensity, lapping harder at her cunt. 

Your jaw starts to hurt but you don’t dare stop because when you dip your tongue inside and curl it up, licking up against her walls, she clenches and the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard fall out of her mouth. 

“I’m close,” she pants and Agatha, still sliding her lips against her wife’s, reaches down to rub Rio’s clit, her finger bumping against your nose while you keep thrusting your tongue inside Rio. 

Rio’s getting tighter around you and her breaths are more constricted until she finally lets out a loud moan and her whole body jerks and her walls clamp around your tongue as she rides out her orgasm. 

Agatha steps back so you’re able to rest back on your heels and you smile up blissfully at them, the entire bottom of your face soaked. 

“Did I do a good job?” You simper and Rio’s hand grips into your hair and pulls you up. It stings but it only makes you more turned on. 

Rio cleans your face with her mouth, taking extra care to suck on your lips. She nips and you breathe out sharply. “You did acceptable,” she says haughtily and you grin. 

“Let’s go, superstar,” Agatha says, leaning in to kiss you and then Rio, wanting to taste her wife. “Where’s your bedroom?”

You point down the hall and you follow them to it. You can feel the pool between your legs and each step puts the tiniest bit of pressure on your clit, making you squirm while you walk. 

“Please,” you whisper. They seemingly ignore you and tell you to sit on your bed while they root through your room, maybe looking for a wire or a camera or something. 

But then Rio chuckles when she opens your nightstand drawer and you know what she’s found. “Look, Aggie,” she says, holding up some of your sex toys that you keep in there. It’s been far too long since you’ve used any of them and you clench involuntarily around nothing. 

Agatha walks over and pulls out a harness and a dildo and shows them to you. “Do you want me to fuck you with this, pet?” She asks and you nod eagerly, practically drooling. 

“Agatha,” Rio says in a hush, holding up another toy, a small egg vibrator and a remote. When she thumbs at the dial on the side, it turns on in her hand. “Wear this so I can control it while you’re fucking her?” 

You let out a filthy moan at the question and the older women laugh. “Seems like we got our answer,” Agatha says, making quick work of pants and underwear. You shrug off the tatters of your cut shirt and quickly take yours off too, the cold air on your sopping pussy making you shiver. 

Rio kneels down and kisses Agatha’s thighs and then mouths at Agatha’s cunt for a few seconds, before sliding the toy into her. Agatha lets out a small groan and your jaw drops open. You might cum the second you feel her skin on you. 

The electricity is back, for the first time in forever, and it races under your skin, lighting your entire body up. You’re hungry, so hungry for more, and Agatha steps into the harness and Rio helps her fasten the dildo into it. 

Agatha climbs onto the bed and you scramble back to lay against the pillows, legs propping up and spreading. 

“So eager,” Agatha tuts, positioning herself and rubbing the dildo against your entrance, coating the toy with your wetness. She drags it up and down and presses against your clit until you’re sweating under her, your hands coming up to hold onto her hips. 

She pushes the tip into you and your walls bear down around it, clenching and trying to drag it in. Agatha chuckles at your desperate state, but it quickly turns into a moan when Rio turns the dial on the control and she jerks forward violently, pushing the toy all the way inside you in one motion. 

Your head drops back and your back arches, forcing your hips up even more so you can somehow feel her deeper. “Fuck,” you curse, the fullness exactly what you need to satiate the ache inside you. 

Agatha takes a deep breath, fingers digging in tightly to the bed next to you, when Rio turns up the vibrations. 

“Pet,” Agatha says in a low voice, slowly starting to shallowly thrust inside you like it would hurt her to pull out more. You sharply inhale when she curves into the spongy spot each time and your heart is beating so fast you think it might explode. It feels so good already that tears are pricking in your eyes and Agatha leans down to capture your lips as she picks up the speed. 

The vibrations from the toy inside her are so strong that it’s affecting the dildo inside you and you’re reduced to a moaning mess. You tilt your head and through your hazy vision and the fog settling in your head, you can see Rio with a hand between her legs, watching you get fucked by her wife. 

“I wanted you guys to come back so badly,” you practically sob, hips rising to meet each one of her thrusts, each motion of the cock in and out of your body rubbing against your clit and making you gasp. 

Agatha chuckles breathlessly above you, the exertion causing a slight sheen of sweat to perspire on her forehead. Her cheeks are red and she tosses her hair over her shoulder so she can see you better. She’s biting on her red lip as she takes you in. “We know, superstar. We missed you, too. But we’re never letting you go now.” 

“Good,” you say and you pull her down for a kiss. Her thrusts are getting sloppy now, losing rhythm and her hips stuttering, but you don’t care because you’re already so close. 

And so is she, by the looks of it. Her cock fills you perfectly, and you can feel the veins on the toy dragging against your walls, and she’s panting into your open mouth, both of you exchanging hot air between the two of you. Your senses are heightened, on fire even, and you’re on the edge, tingles, fireworks, spreading through your body. You’ve never felt this alive in your life and you crave more before you’re even done right now. 

And then she puts a hand around your throat and it’s like all the air from your lungs dissipates. She squeezes lightly and you moan explicitly, feeling like a livewire is running through you. 

“Agatha,” you whine. 

She huffs and somehow speeds up, and she lets out broken whimpers when Rio turns the vibrator up even more. “Cum for me, pet, cum with me,” she says and presses on your throat to constrict your airway ever the slightest and you do. 

You slur incoherent words while you orgasm, the dam inside you breaking and pleasure floods through you like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Agatha slumps on top of you, her hips convulsing inside you involuntarily as she rides out hers too. 

She lays there for a minute or two, your walls twitching around her. And then she pulls out and flops on the bed next to you. Rio comes over and gingerly takes the strap-on off Agatha and pulls the toy out of her. 

“You both okay?” Rio jokes and you both nod, thoroughly worn out. 

“What now?” You ask and the two of them look at each other. You cannot survive them walking away from you again. 

Agatha props herself up on an elbow and brushes a sweaty hair off your forehead. “What do you want, superstar?” 

“You two.” 

Rio chuckles. “Good, because if you didn’t say that, we brought gasoline and we were going to set your house on fire.” 

You gape at her and look back and forth between Agatha and Rio. “For real?” They both nod solemnly, although you can see Agatha trying not to smile. The wheels in your head turn. A fire started this whole thing, fifteen years ago. Maybe it makes sense that fire is what ends it. “Do it,” you tell them. 

“Excuse me?” Rio says, clearly taken aback. 

“Set my house on fire, make it look like I’m dead. I have the azaleas downstairs, we can scatter them outside and make it look like The Witch and Lady Death killed me. My death is faked and we go off the grid. It makes sense. You guys followed me from New Jersey, took out my boss, and now you took me out, too. The last two connections to your case.” 

It’s a good plan, even they have to admit it. 

So Agatha goes and gets the gas while you pack up a small bag of things. You leave Rio’s knife and the empty vial from the drug in the living room so it looks like The Witch and Lady Death burned in the fire too. 

You douse the kitchen and trail it to the front door so you have an easy escape. Rio hands you the matchbox, and it makes the same sound it made when you strike the match on it as the last time. You take a deep breath, look at them, and they nod. 

You flick it and a brilliant blaze of fire erupts, quickly spreading through the whole house. 

And you don’t even look back on your way to their car, the three of you sliding into it. 

Agatha pulls out of the driveway and you smile to yourself. 

You don’t know where you’re going or what will happen, but you’re with them now, so everything is going to be okay. 

[rememberwren]

A Dichotomy of Thought || 2

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Further Parts

Simon thinks of a way for you to make up to them almost hitting Johnny with your car.

#

It’s not all blackness. There are white days.

White nights, too. Just not in the way Johnny might have hoped for. Instead, the blinding glare of sun on snow makes his eyes water. His sunglasses have been dislodged in the crash, lost somewhere. His arm, too. Fire crackles, the sound dampened by the snow. His leg is crushed beneath a piece of scrap metal that’s been bent like a twig, and all around him is the smell: smoke and gas and blood.

Ghost is there, too. Ghost peeking up out of the snow, his white camouflage and Johnny’s double vision disguising him until only the black outline of his mask is visible over the glare of all-else. Johnny blinks hard but Ghost only ever swims into focus for a moment. Around the edges of his vision, it’s all darkness, darkness.

“Where you been?” Johnny croaks, tasting blood.

“Been here all this time,” Ghost says, mask flexing where his jaw moves.

Johnny wakes up then. Because Ghost wasn’t there, and that detail is enough to break through the all’s-well fog that seems to lay over dreams like a fine mist. If Ghost had been there, it’s likely that he would have been lost like the rest of the crew. Then what would Johnny have left? An artificial knee; a weak arm; headaches twice a day. Everything a boy could have ever dreamed of.

Johnny wakes from these white dreams with his heart pounding, Simon’s hand on his shoulder urging him awake. Simon isn’t sleeping these days—at least not when Johnny might catch him in the act.

An hour before sunrise, the sky the same color as a fresh bruise, Johnny croaks out in the darkness of their bedroom: “C’n we have eggs for brekkie?”

#

Johnny used to do all the cooking, back in the Before times as Simon has taken to calling them in his mind, but Simon is a quick learner; he always has been. It’s one of the (many) reasons why he had managed to move up through the ranks in the military so quickly. When he has a problem, he develops a narrow-minded focus that has been referred to more than once as a ‘dog with a bone’ mentality.

But he’s learning that Johnny is not a problem that he can fix.

Simon becomes excellent at seeing everything and nothing at once. His head is expertly turned to keep his lover only in the periphery of his vision. In that way, he pretends not to see the way Johnny first goes to the counter, intending to shift himself up and sit on it the way he used to in the old days before the helicopter went down. He’s almost there when he must remember that he has only one arm, one weak arm. One throbbing leg. Perhaps he could scramble up onto the counter like old times, but perhaps he couldn’t, and his pride is too beaten to take the risk. So he goes to the kitchen table, the one made of mismatched chairs and scratched oak wood, and Simon has to pretend that he doesn’t see the way Johnny struggles to even pull his chair out.

Grab it from the middle, Johnny, he wants to say, but he doesn’t. Help is not wanted here. Help is the opposite of helpful. Already the frustration is building behind Soap’s eyes like a balloon filled with too much air, latex creaking, ready to pop at a moment’s notice or less and send all that fury rushing out. Simon can take it. He can take it—but he dreads it.

It’s not him, he tells himself, scrambling an egg in the pan. It’s the pain. It’s the fear. It’s poisoning his boy’s head, and he doesn’t know how to help. Doesn’t know what to do except endure. Put his head down and barrel through the storm and pray that when he comes out on the other side, Johnny is still there with him.

Johnny has his head in his hand when Simon sets the plate in front of him, the eggs cut into bite sized pieces—and that’s a battle they’ve already fought a thousand times before Simon could convince Johnny to just accept his help, just let me cut up your fucking food Johnny for fuck’s sake let me do it so you don’t starve yourself to death.

It’s familiar to fight beside Johnny; it’s surreal to fight against him.

“Thank yeh,” Johnny mutters morosely. He perks up a little when Simon adds two pale green ovals to the table beside his orange juice, marked with 33’s. He takes those first, on an empty stomach no less, but drains the glass of orange juice which Simon figures is better than nothing.

“How’s your pain?”

“A five maybe.”

Simon internally adds two. There was a pain chart posted up in Johnny’s hospital room in the ICU: a barrage of circular faces displaying the spectrum from peace to agony. Little tears had been coming out of the corners of the face’s eyes at the SEVEN marker, its color just beginning to turn a fiery red. It’s been three months since they were stuck in that tiny, hellish room, but whenever Johnny gives a number for his pain, the chart is the first thing Simon thinks of.

The two eat together. Afterwards, Simon takes the dishes to the sink.

“Let me help.”

Simon doesn’t bother telling him no. When Johnny gets an idea in his head, for worse or for better, it’s better to let him see it through. Even if it inevitably ends in rage.

Simon takes his time washing each individual dish, making sure not to have too many dishes waiting to be rinsed at once, even if it means polishing the same fork over and over while Johnny struggles to relearn doing anything with his non-dominant arm. His crutch is propped up against the corner where the counter turns, watching them.

Their shoulders brush. Johnny looks up at him with pupils blown wide and then ducks his head, nuzzling his temple against Simon’s jaw. It’s the most affection they’ve shown each other in weeks.

“‘m sorry for how it’s been lately,” he says, water dripping off his elbow and onto the floor. “How I’ve been. A right angel, aren’t I?”

“Always.” Angels make him think of death, and death still makes him think of Johnny. How fucking close he came to scattering his lover’s ashes instead of passing him dishes to be rinsed. He tells Johnny the same thing he tells himself: “Things will get better. You get stronger every day.”

Johnny laughs weakly. “My arse.”

“It’s a fine arse.”

“Better ‘n fine. Jesus fucking Christ, this is harder than it looks,” Johnny says. He’s breaking out in a sweat, turning over his clean juice glass beneath the clear stream of water. Part of that sweat is pain, part exertion.

“You’re doing—“

The glass slips from Johnny’s fingers, and he tries to catch it with a hand that’s no longer there. It shatters against the laminate flooring, scattering glass like a bomb scattering shrapnel. They both stare long enough for a single beat of their hearts before Johnny brings his good fist (his only fist—Simon has taken to calling it his Good Fist in his mind) down on the lip of the sink, bellowing a curse that probably has the neighbors jerking in fright.

“Just a glass,” says Simon. But he knows better. “Come here. Don’t step in it. Y’re barefoot.”

He guides Johnny out of the danger zone and into the living room, pausing only to backtrack for his crutch when he notices the way his lover struggles to walk a straight line.

Simon gives him the remote and sweeps up the glass. By the time he comes back into the living room, Johnny is asleep, head back against the headrest of the couch. If it weren’t for the soft snores, Simon would feel the need to check if he were dead.

#

Simon sits in the armchair with a book in his lap. The words swim on the pages. He has never been this tired in his life; not even on missions where sleep seemed contraindicated. But behind his eyelids he sees a car bearing down on his Johnny, and stupid, foolish Johnny stepping out to meet it. He can’t even step out onto the balcony for a cigarette, not without worrying that when he comes back he’ll find—

A slamming of a door startles Simon awake from where he had begun to drift into a nightmare. Glancing toward Johnny first to make sure Soap hadn’t woken—and he hadn’t, though his head had fallen into an uncomfortable position that would surely leave him with a crick in his neck—he gives a dark glare toward the door.

Ever since the old man in the apartment beside them had died, it had been a never ending parade of fuck-ups in and out of the place.

Being angry is addictive. He finds himself wanting to feed his fuse, putting his book down and going to the door and throwing it open, ready to leave a lasting impression on any misfortunate soul left in the hallway.

Figures it would be you.

Your eye looks better today. It is less swollen, less pink. You’re sitting slumped against the door of 7C, ready to fall backwards should it open too abruptly, but at the sound of Simon’s door opening, you jerk yourself into a standing position

You gape in horror at the sight of him, and Simon gets a sick sense of pleasure from it. Make that equal parts pleasure and guilt (he usually doesn’t get off on frightening women, though it happens more often than he intends it to). He glances towards his door, peeking in through the crack to spy Johnny’s slumped, sleeping figure, assuring himself that it’s still there.

“You…live here?” You point at 5C, from which Simon has just exited.

“No. I broke in,” he deadpans.

“Is he okay? The…the guy I almost—“

“He’s fine.” Truth is, he’s so far from fine that Simon doesn’t think he could find fine with a map and a compass. But technically from her standpoint, it is true. She didn’t hit Johnny. If Johnny hadn’t stepped out in front of her, they never would have come so close in the first place. But clearly she doesn’t know that, and Simon isn’t going to tell her.

“Thank God,” you mutter, fresh sorrow in your warbling voice. “Tell him I’m so sorry. Again.”

“Shouldn’t be driving like that,” Simon says, while he’s in the habit of being a dick. He nods his chin towards your face. “Can you even see?”

“Better today,” you admit. “Please, if there’s anything I can ever do to make it up to him, and to you, let me know—“

And suddenly, like rays of light spilling down from parted clouds, he knows what he wants. What is within your power to give him, that is.

“Give me five minutes,” Simon says.

He watches a series of complex emotions flit across your face. He’s never been good at reading people; he doesn’t know what any of them mean. At length, your shoulders lift toward your ears as you steel yourself. You say: “You’ll have to talk to my boyfriend first.”

“For five minutes?” Simon asks, glancing back at the apartment door as if Johnny is liable to be standing there. He lowers his voice a little. “I just want one fucking cigarette without worrying about him taking a swan dive off the balcony. Please.”

You give him another strange look. But this time something that he says has gotten through to you. Looking every bit like a woman being coaxed to the gallows, you ask: “Five minutes…and all I have to do is what? Watch him?”

“Yes. He took two oxy at breakfast, he should be out for a while. Five minutes, you have my word. Give me your phone.”

“I don’t have one.”

Who doesn’t have a fucking phone? he wants to ask, frustration rising sharp and noxious in the back of his throat, but he doesn’t. He works his own phone free from his pocket. There isn’t any passcode on it, no thumbprint requirement or otherwise. He’s never kept secrets from Johnny.

“You know what a seizure looks like?”

“No,” you admit, mouth slipping into a comfortable frown.

“You’d recognize it if you saw it. Call an ambulance.”

“Is that—could he—?”

“He could. But he won’t. Five minutes.” Then, because he’s a piece of shit and because he can tell you’re thinking of chickening out: “You owe us.”

That steeliness appears back in your eyes. You nod grimly, clutching his phone in your hand, and go to slip past him into the apartment. But first…

Simon grips your wrist. His grip is gentle, but it has you going stiff and still all over, like a rabbit in a dog’s jowls. Playing dead, you are. Then he whispers: “That’s my boy in there. You do anything to hurt him or get any funny ideas, I’ll break your legs off. ‘m I clear?”

“You’re clear,” you whisper, voice in that strange warble again. This time you wait for him to nod his head in permission before slipping past him into the apartment, shutting the door behind you with a quiet click.

#

It is strange, being in someone else’s space. Eager as you are to intrude as little as possible (you’re more than happy to assuage the guilt that has roosted something foul in your belly since yesterday’s near accident in the parking lot), you can’t help but snoop. It’s human of you. Somehow, after everything, you are still human.

There are photographs on the walls of strangers: pretty girls who share a familial resemblance with their arms around each other; men in combat fatigues with weapons slung across their shoulders; a young blond boy and a German Shepherd. The space is tidy and small, a mirror image of your own apartment next door with the kitchen on the south side and the living area to the north instead of the other way around. The scent of breakfast clings to the air, and there are clean dishes drying in the dish rack.

On the couch is a man, his head lolled forward until his chin rests against his chest. He snores softly. Dressed in loose fitting pants and a t-shirt, his crutch rests against the couch. His right arm is missing.

You can barely breathe for how badly you don’t want to wake him. You can’t help but trace your eyes over his features though: the arch of his cheekbones, the lines of his jaws, the fullness of his mouth. There are scars along his temple, a livid purple in the morning light that streams in through the window.

He’s drooling on his shirt.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper. He flinches in his sleep, and it sobers you. No more talking. The last thing you wanted him to do was to wake and catch you looming over him. You can almost hear his rough, accented voice: Did Jesus send ye? Did He tell ye to finish the fucking job and do me in?

You have just made a second near-silent circuit of the apartment when the door opens and the larger man re-enters, slightly out of breath. You glance down at his phone and see that only three minutes have passed. Stepping out into the hallway, he gives the sleeping man a lingering glance before following after you.

“You’re early.”

“Yeah, well. Couldn’t relax for fuck all. Thanks anyway.” You can’t help but take note of this man’s exhaustion: the solid darkness beneath his drooping eyes, the way his huge form seems to sag in on itself. It doesn’t take a psychic or a sleuth to put together that he hasn’t been resting, and you can guess why.

“You need your rest too,” you remind him.

“Thanks for the tip.” He says it with all the charm he might say, Fuck off.

You lift your hands in the universal sign of surrender. Message received. You’d overstepped enough with your car. The last thing he needed was advice from you. Glancing toward your apartment door, that old phrase comes into your head “No good deed goes unpunished”. But if all punishments are for good deeds, you must have been a saint in a past life.

Still, you find yourself offering: “If you ever want me to watch him again while you smoke or shower or nap or something. You know where I’m at.”

He stares at you. His eyes are so dark, you can barely tell pupil from iris. He’s not conventionally handsome—not the way the other man is, perhaps—but he is striking: brow low and strong, eyes dark like coffee without cream, mouth full and unhappy. Like Nietzsche said, you look into him and he looks into you. Then he nods, and without even telling you his name, disappears back into his apartment.

You stare for a long moment, feeling oddly bereft at the abrupt ending to this communication. Eventually, you try the doorknob on 7C.

Still locked.

[goodlucktai]

raised on little light (1/3)

rise of the tmnt word count: 2k pairing: leo & oc i've had this idea rattling around since the rise farewell comic earlier this year made it canon that the turtles had another brother and a sister floating around somewhere. we know who their sister is, so this is my take on that 5th brother. i hope you enjoy meeting him <3 big thank you to @soldrawss and @mykimouser for enabling my insane behavior (and thank you again to sol for drawing the art i included in this chapter!!!) title borrowed from northern attitude by noah kahan read on ao3

x

2020

Leo regretted his last words as soon as they left his mouth.

“Hero moves are totally your style”? As if Raph doesn’t have enough issues already.

But what he meant—what he would have tried to explain if there was time—was that Raph is his hero. He’s always been Leo’s hero. And if Leo could be anything like him, even for a second, even if it was the last thing he ever did, then he could be satisfied with that. 

It’s a silly thing to be stuck thinking about, laying on a torn up chunk of earth with a monster ominously lumbering somewhere below, looking for where it threw its toy. Laying there, feeling every bruise and broken bone, and hoping that he didn’t hurt his big brother’s feelings.

They’ll be okay, Leo thinks, trying to make it be the thing that gives him courage instead of just more homesickness. They’ll miss me, maybe for a long time, but they’ll be okay.

Leo’s supposed to be fighting for his life, but it’s all he can do to keep a grip on the photo in his hand, the only thing in this entire dimension worth holding onto. It’s all he can do to keep his eyes open when every blink is longer than the last. 

It feels like enough of a rebellion. The Krang looked annoyed that he was still breathing the last time it batted him through the void like a fly, which gives Leo the idea that he should probably be dead by now. He feels a detached sort of pride at how grown-up he’s being about all this. Better late than never

Leo waits for the Krang to come for him, dripping his blood and sneering his daddy’s nickname for him hatefully as it does, and hopes he made his family proud. 

Leo hopes he’ll go wherever Gram-gram is. It would be nice to know someone when he gets there. 

Movement in his periphery snags Leo’s attention. His brain starts throwing up warning flags, signaling danger—anything moving around in here is another parasite, or a Krang hound, nothing he’ll want to be sprawled out on a silver platter for—but he can’t summon any urgency. 

He turns his head and finds himself looking up at another turtle. 

It’s the very last thing he expected to see. They both just stare at each other for a moment. 

The newcomer appears to be a few years older than Leo, based on the broadness of their shoulders, and half a head taller. Their skin is more gray than green and their plastron is so pale it’s closer to white than yellow. Their carapace, what Leo can see of it, is a deep blue-black and they’re covered, skin and shell both, in white spots. Two of the spots on their face give the impression of eyebrows lowered in a glare, but they don’t seem angry at him.

The turtle is completely unfamiliar to Leo, which is saying something. He thought he and his family had the monopoly on… this whole situation. 

Disquieted, Leo remembers that he’s supposed to be the only turtle here. That was a very significant part of the decision he’d made. 

It must be a hallucination, he decides, instantly comforted by his own reasoning. That makes sense. He just wished that if his mind was going to conjure him some dying company it could at least be someone he knows. An imaginary Mikey or Donnie or Raphie for one last hug. One last affectionate forehead bonk. An “I still love you,” if that wasn’t asking too much. 

Don’t you cry now, he scolds himself sternly when his eyes start to blur and burn. It’s not about you. 

With a resounding crash of metal against stone, the Krang finds them at last. He’s snarling something that Leo is too slow to piece together before he cuts himself off—surprising the hell out of Leonardo by acknowledging the hallucination. That’s not how that works. 

“Another pest ,” the Krang hisses. His serrated teeth glint when he draws his gummy lips back in an ugly smile. His tone is oily and unpleasant when he adds, “You’re less colorful than those other ones. I would have remembered seeing you. Where were you when your accomplices were fumbling about in my Technodrome like the stupid creatures they are?”

“We won,” Leo reminds the alien, even though it makes him cough. His lips are warm and wet now but he won’t think about why. “Blew up your ugly ship. Who looks stupid now?” 

“Shut your mouth!” the Krang roars, going from slimy to homicidal in about three seconds. Leo cringes, every ounce of animal instinct in his body urging him to hide in his shell and ride the rest of this nightmare out. 

The spotted turtle snaps, “Don’t talk to him.” 

It would have made sense if he was looking at Leo when he said it. Don’t engage, don’t bait the big monster that could kill you with as much effort as it takes you to blink, et cetera ad nauseum. If only he’d had a nickel for every time he heard that. 

But instead the turtle is looking at the Krang, and he’s radiating the kind of cold-blooded murder that you mostly only see in movies. He has one arm flung out in front of Leo like he actually means to use it to stop the Krang from getting any closer. 

“Don’t even look at him,” he goes on, sounding seconds away from baring his teeth. 

This guy is significantly unaware of the danger he’s facing, and Leo ought to warn him about what enormous clusterfuck he’d just wandered into. Leo ought to say he appreciates the reptile solidarity, but you should definitely run, new guy. 

But this probably isn’t actually happening outside of his own head. And besides, Leo has to focus really hard on his numb fingers so he doesn’t drop his photo. 

“I’ll look where I please,” the Krang says, as unbothered by the hallucination as he was by Leo’s entire family. “Starting with that fool head of yours. I’m interested in whatever backdoor led you here. If it’s my way out, well —”

Adrenaline surges through Leo, and he’s hardly aware of moving before he’s lurching up and shouting out, “No!” 

He can’t get out, he can’t. Leonardo won’t be able to trick him again. He won’t be there to help this time. 

“I do have one thing for you,” the spotted turtle interrupts to say, reaching over his shoulder for what turns out to be a compound crossbow strapped to his back. 

Leo doesn’t know a lot about archery so it’s weird his fictional turtle does, crank-cocking the weapon like it’s an extension of his arm. He watches cluelessly as the turtle slides something very purple out of his jacket pocket and notches it into the groove where the bolts are supposed to go. It’s definitely not a bolt, but it’s a piercing-type projectile of some kind, and it fits in the crossbow like it was designed with crossbows in mind. 

The turtle aims the bow at the Krang, who clicks the claws of his metal suit on the ground the way Splinter would drum his fingers on the kitchen counter when he was waiting on the microwave. The Krang looks condescending and mildly curious, like he’s watching dumb little animals do something they’re not trained to do. 

“He told me to tell you he’s sorry he couldn’t be here to see this part,” the spotted turtle says, and then shoots without a second of hesitation or unnecessary dramatics. 

The Krang bats the projectile away, or tries to, but it explodes on contact with his armor, and suddenly all Leo can smell is burning metal. Then burning meat. 

The Krang begins to scream, clawing at something defiantly purple with a mind of its own that eats straight through him the effortless, immediate way corrosive acid chews through soft tissue. It moves like nanotech, covering as much of the Krang as possible in a manner of seconds and clearly designed to consume whatever it touches like a school of cartoon piranhas. 

Donnie would love it, color scheme and all. 

The Krang stumbles drunkenly, howling like a creature possessed, and Leo and his turtle companion both watch silently until he tips over the edge of the hunk of torn earth they’re on. Gravity is nonexistent in this dimension, so he doesn’t so much fall as sort of drift in another direction while he’s distracted with the purple stuff that’s doing its best to eat him alive. 

The last handful of minutes have been so bizarre that it’s actually going pretty far in convincing Leo that none of it happened for real. The Krang hasn’t actually found him yet. This is clearly a dream. Or a pre-death electrical storm as the neurons in his brain fire up to fizzle out.  

He tips his head to the side again to stare up at the archer, who is putting his bow away with perfect confidence that whatever that purple thing was, it will do the job. 

“Who are you?” Leo asks stupidly. 

“Gio,” the probably imaginary turtle replies.

Leo’s mouth runs off before he can stop it. “Just Gio? Like Cher?”

God, he thinks. That was stupid, Leo. Not the time or place, Leo. You’re in the prison dimension. You’re dying here and you can’t even cut the jokes now? Raph was so right about you.

But the imaginary turtle surprises him by smiling slightly, the corners of his mouth pulling just barely upwards in a way that somehow completely transforms him. Not the time or place for jokes or smiling at them but here they are. Like company.

“Giorgio Hamato,” ‘Gio’ says. That lands in Leo’s ears as something remarkably worth making a lot of noise over, but he can’t begin to unpack it. And after a second, he forgets what the remarkable part was. His mind is a deck of cards that got shuffled too enthusiastically and ended up scattered all over the floor. Gio doesn’t seem to mind when Leo just blinks at him, adding, “I’m here to take you home.”  

“Pretty sure Uber doesn’t come out this far,” Leo mumbles, the words a paint smear, all thick and wet and muddy. One of his teeth feels broken and it’s keeping him awake, a blistering ache that cracks through the back of his mouth like lightning. “And I’ve got, like, zero bars.”

This is how I cope, he thinks, watching the bigger turtle absorb the second bad joke in as many minutes. Leo’s blinking fast so he doesn’t cry. He’s trying to focus on anything but the pain radiating through his whole body, and the swallowing darkness all around him, and the ruins of ancient metal ships looming where they float unrestricted by gravity, and the ballistic howls of a pissed-off pink alien still dealing with whatever the heck this Gio guy did to him.

He can’t focus on any of that because all of that is scary and he’s already terrified. He needs to not be terrified because he doesn’t want to be that kind of ghost when he haunts his family. He wants to be the friendly, funny kind, the kind that gets to stay at the end of the movie, the kind that will make silly faces at Mikey so he doesn’t get scared, and leave sticky notes for Donnie to remember to charge his phone and drink enough water, and cover Raphie with an extra blanket while he’s asleep because it gets cold at night but he always leaves his bedroom door open for them.

If Leo’s friendly and funny, if he helps, he’ll get to stay. He didn’t get to stay the first time, so this time he has to make it stick.

Larger hands wrap around his. It doesn’t register for a second, and then it does in a big way.

Leo jerks his head up. Moving just that much hurts like his ribs are broken all the way down and the bones in his leg have all melted into liquid agony, but it clears some of the fog away.

Someone is holding his hands in the prison dimension.

An alien like the Krang wouldn’t know the first thing about the human gesture, the togetherness of it, so it’s not some mean trick that’s being played. And it can’t be an imaginary turtle that Leo dreamed up, after all, because kindness would be the last thing he’d give himself.

Possibly very real Gio says, “Fuck Uber. Whatever that is. And don’t repeat that word.”

The punchy breath Leo chokes in is going to punch out again as a laugh or a sob. Leo squeezes the bigger turtle’s hands, photo crinkling between them, suddenly tethered to something in this void and hysterically certain that he’ll die for real if Gio lets go.

“I’m sixteen.” Leo’s voice wobbles. He doesn’t know what to react to first. He doesn’t understand how this is happening. He holds on. “I can say the fuck word if I want to, I’m practically an adult.”

Gio’s face does something it hurts to look at. His eyes are dark and sincere, the shape of them entirely familiar. There’s a warmth inside him that permeates the gloom. A star belonging to a much larger galaxy, but more significantly, belonging to the same crooked constellation Leo belongs to.

I know you, he thinks, surprised by the truth of it. I do. Where have you been?

“We’re going home,” Gio says, the certainty in his voice like one of those huge stones a river parts around, unmoved by the currents and crashing water. “I know the way out. Don’t worry about it. Close your eyes.”   

The worst thing that could happen has already happened, Leo thinks. There’s no reason not to trust him. There’s nothing left to lose. He closes his eyes.

He feels himself drawn in, tucked against the built-in armor of a turtle chest, head resting on a broad shoulder. He’s been carried like this a million times before. He didn’t think it would happen again. Somewhere along the line, he’d been picked up for the last time and put down for the last time, and now he’s here, where no one who loves him can reach him, to scoop him up when he falls asleep on the sofa and take him to bed.

But Gio lifts him up like he’s still a kid. The Krang is bellowing hateful promises in between the grating shrieks of pain, promises of what he’ll do when he gets his hands on Leo, but all of that is far away. 

Leo isn’t afraid anymore. He isn’t going to be a ghost.

He’s pretty sure he’s going home.   

[anothertimdrakestan]

Jealous Jason Todd Headcanon

~loooong requested hope you enjoy some brotherly competition~

- jason had no idea he wanted you until dick called "dibs" the first night he met jason's mysterious "friend" and newest bat-recruit

- at first, jason didn't care. like at all. but that never stopped him from being an asshole

- "my brother y/n really? what's there to like? i didn't see you as a musical theatre and dad-joke enjoyer" he'd scoff anytime dick tried to make a move

- that didn't stop richard fucking grayson.

- "hey! y/n! fancy seeing you here!" .. "it's the batcave dick i work here" .. "oh, well are you working all night? maybe we can grab some big belly burger after?" .. "we have patrol together you dork"

- honestly, it was endearing being adored, worshipped even. from handwritten poems, to a little mini batarang necklace, and all the weapons your heart could desire

- and for all his dork-tendencies, dick knew a thing or too about hand placement...

- "put me down richard" .. "you literally fell into my arms" .. "i would've landed on my feet" .. "sure princess, but aren't my arms a little better?" he'd tease, sweeping you bridal style out the back door of the gala you two had just rescued

- it was somewhere in between the gift giving, rooftop dates, and stolen glances that jason realized he might want -slightly, just a tiny bit- more.

- okay; he wanted you all to himself.

- but he's always been shit at explaining it

- where dick was obvious and flirtatious, jason started subtle: always inching closer to you, keeping a longing gaze set on your every move-even if it meant tripping himself up in battles- you noticed he would sooner get shot than let you catch a scrape

- and just like dick's coddling, it got annoying

- "jace i've been on the team for months, i think i can watch out for myself" .. "i know, i protect the people i care about" his response was almost a whisper, and before you could pry further, he disappeared, replaced with a familiar cheesy grin "hi y/n! wanna catch a movie tonight?" .. "uh, one sec dick! i need to check on jace"

- but jason was never anywhere to be found. every time he let you in, he disappeared just as quick.

- when you started toying with new weaponry jason was there, you still got butterflies remembering the way he pressed himself against you while fixing your form, his calloused fingertips lighting fires as he subtly adjusted your grip on your gun

- "jay is this right?" .. "mhm your grip is perfect, but the recoil will get you, slide your leg backwards to brace for the impact of firing" .. the minute his hand touched your thigh a shiver ran across your body, against your shaking will .. "oh, sorry i didn't mean to-" .. you cut him off "no it's good, you're good" but before you could turn around to unpack the cloud of tension in the room, jason cleared his throat and gruffly said "fire" ruining any chance of an emotional conversation. three perfect shots to the targets, and with a satisfying nod he was gone once again

- so when dick asked you out on a real date, to a restaurant whose menu alone gave you anxiety at the thought of ordering, you realized you had to give jason the ultimatum

- but for once in his (second) life, jason was way ahead of you.

- "you said yes to dick?" jason was sitting at your desk when you entered your own room, overly dramatic but it was jason todd after all.

- "do i have a reason to say no?"

- "you hate fancy restaurants. you need like a week to plan what you'll order otherwise you'll just be stressed the whole time"

- you rolled your eyes, but jason wasn't finished: "and you hate movies, sitting in one place watching a film you probably haven't heard of, pretending to enjoy the nuance"

- he wasn't wrong. "whatever jace, that doesn't-" .. "i can tell you what's gonna happen. he'll order a wine too sweet for your taste, and talk to the waiter enough to make you want to crawl under the table. then after a perfectly lovely dinner he'll take you to a rooftop to 'show you the sights' and you'll have your first kiss. but you hate the city skyline, it reminds you you're far from home. you like the sound of the ocean and the rusting of the forest. you like something real."

- your heart was in your throat. but you needed something more: "say it jason. don't tell me the future with dick. fucking say it."

- jason stood up, closing the distance between you, eyes now desperate and wild: "say what? that i've loved you since the minute i lost you? that i feel like ive known you forever? that i don't need to learn to love you like he does, i was built for it? that i feel like i was made for you? how do i put it in a few useless words"

- "you just did jay." you whispered, letting him lock his lips in yours with a smile.

- "please go break richard's fucking heart and come home to me." he grumbled, to which you agreed, letting dick down softly and promising to set him up with one of your friends in return for his kindness- a deal which he wouldn't let you forget

- years later, it was more of a household joke, dick claiming he was the catalyst to your and jason's lovestory. to which jason wholly despised, but you never minded giving dick a little credit

[h5eavenly]

blues - hwang hyunjin

words: 900 | pairing: hyunjin x reader | genre: angst(mentions of depression), pining, friends in love ig??

Hyunjin has been losing ever since he could remember, he had made peace with every facet of despair. Sorrows linger on his pillow when he goes to sleep and stares right back at him in the mirror in the mornings. It’s in the bags forming under his eyes, dragging with his wasted hours wide awake and in the pages of his journal. Filled with his angry outbursts and lines of utter melancholy.

Hyunjin is doused in blues until you’re here.

“What?” he spits, voice laced with faux indifference that doesn’t even alter the twinkle in your eyes.

“I got you groceries! Let’s cook together.” Your cheerful tone is the complete opposite to how he feels inside and when you don’t even wait for an answer and invite yourself in, he rolls his eyes.

Hyunjin rolls his eyes at you yet his heart pulses against his ribs, reminding him of how you stole his heart as you walk past him with a bounce in your step. As if you didn’t just tumble into his cave of misery. As he follows your trail, almost like he’s helplessly tied to you his thoughts wander. Falling into questions upon questions of how his soul betrayed him first. Mingled with yours without his permission.

Somewhere between his overbearing thoughts and you emptying the bags of groceries in his cramped disarranged kitchen, you had stepped impossibly closer to him. Arms brushing against his and Hyunjin wears his insouciance like a necklace. Pretends you’re not the reason his heart almost beats its way out of his chest. It’s such a merciless act, one that only you are capable of.

He’s known you for months now, long enough to notice how you always hum under your breath whenever your hands are busy with something, just like right now.

Long enough to notice how your eyes crinkle before your lips turns upwards into a smile. Long enough to know you only smile like that at him. Long enough to know even now, when he looks like he’s in a boundless battle with a familiar dark monster that lives inside him clad with depression; you still manage to look at him like he’s the brightest star within the universe.

“You broke your promise,” he’s known you long enough to understand the despondency coating your words.

He conjectures about when his existence has dwindled into nothing but waiting for you and then pushing you out the door, only to linger by at it with an aching heart pleading for a flicker of your smile.

"i'm bad at keeping promises" he answers honestly, and then he waits, appareled with indestructible ambition for this to be your last straw, for you to finally get angry at him and leave.

He's attempting to push you out his system again, a failing task he takes a hit at each time he sees you.

“it’s okay.” You say, with a smile that blends in with longing in your eyes.

“it’s not okay.”

“If it’s you it’s okay.” Hyunjin grows quiet at that, and his hand itches on the counter, to reach for you in deprivation of you. but then you move past him to start working on dinner and his hand curls on itself, withering away in inherent weakness.

And so Hyunjin starts digging his grave with knuckles bloodied by your heartbreak, it is a familiar territory, he digs in anger, hatred for himself and for his overflowing feelings for you. he hopes to bury himself right next to his broken promise of seeing you more.

"Have you ever been in love?" you ask, hours later when you’re both on the couch and a movie he can’t focus on plays on his small and old tv. Too occupied with thinking about the space between you two.

“yeah,”

"What was it like for you?” you tilt your head towards him, curiosity lighting up your eyes and when he catches them with his, he feels himself melting into a sugary dream, treacherous enough to have him kneel into addiction.

It coaxes forth his illusions of making you happy someday.

"Awful. Felt like I was drowning underwater and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't breathe."

Sympathy colors your face and he wants to look away from it, to run.

"I wonder if it will feel different with me." your softness cuts through the air and yet it sits heavy on his chest, it has him wishing he could block his ears with his hands "I wonder if you were in love with me would you feel like taking your first breath after drowning?" your words fall with enough vulnerability to have his chest tightening.

His hearts weeps, dripping with desirous of you. it begs him to give up this stoic act of his, but Hyunjin knows he will forever remain unworthy for even a particle of you. you have stolen his heart the moment he saw you, ensnaring him with the sound of your laughter and your endless chatter. There’s an aching void in his being that nothing can fill but the endearment in your eyes and there’s tenderness in your soul that Hyunjin’s cold hands will surely destroy.

His monster will eat you alive, he’s a peril you must avoid, so he sacrifices himself instead.

“Sorry, that was weird.” You chuckle, looking away and his silence stays, becoming one with the noise from the tv.

Every time you walk out his door, Hyunjin prays you won’t come back and every time you come back, Hyunjin yearning grows. He’s doused in blues and then longing for you. You manage to mesh with his blood and it's unjust.

[urlibragirl]

summary : you and eren were childhood friends, but you guys drifted apart. One day, Eren decide to stick the pieces back.

warnings/content : mdni!, fem!reader, jealous!eren, eren is a virgin, little bit of angst, p in v intercourse, unprotected sex, oral sex(m receiving)

word count : 1271

Sighing heavily, Eren rubbed his forehead as he tried to recall the events leading up to your falling out. You guys had been inseparable during childhood, always playing together and sharing secrets. But somewhere along the line, things changed. 

He remembered the day clearly, it was after Jean had joined your group of friends. There was something different about you, you seemed happier, more confident. And yet, at the same time, she seemed distant too. Like there was part of herself that kept hidden even from him.

Grinning widely, you clapped your hands excitedly as you talked to your friends about the tv-show you watched the night before. Your laugh echoed through the hallways, drawing attention from everyone around you.

You may have been known for being somewhat wild and carefree, but there was no denying that people enjoyed being around you. Even though Eren preferred quieter gathering, he couldn’t help but admire your ability to light up any room you entered. Watching you interact with others made your heart ache just a little bit more. 

He wished things could go back to how they used to be, but he knew that ship had sailed long ago. Instead, he forced himself to focus on his studies, hoping that one day he might finally gain control over his feelings. Little did he know, your paths were destined to cross again under unexpected circumstances.

One fateful evening during winter break, Armin hosted a party at his place which included most members of their original friendship circle. Despite initially declining due to personal reasons, Eren eventually caved in under pressure from Mikasa and Jean who insisted he needed some time off studying. Reluctantly agreeing, he arrived at Armin’s house.

As the night wore on and the party reached its peak, Eren found himself drawn to you, despite the animosity that had grown between you two over the years. With a determined stride, he made his way through the crowd until he stood in front of you, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Hey," he said, trying to keep his voice casual despite the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

You glanced at him, “Oh, hey Eren,” you answered “It’s been a long time.”

You guys stood in awkward silence for a moment, the weight of your unresolved issues hanging heavy in the air.

“Look, I didn’t mean to ignore you or act like a jerk. It’s just that seeing you with Jean made me realize how much I missed having you around. We were best friends since forever, and suddenly, you were gone. I tried to move on, but my heart wouldn’t listen. So yeah, maybe I acted immaturely sometimes, but deep down, I was hurting too.” 

Your eyes widened in surprise as you listened to Eren pouring his heart out. You hadn’t expected such honesty from him. For once, he sounded vulnerable instead of aloof. “There’s also something I need to tell you,” you began, your voice barely above a whisper. “Something I’ve been wanting to say for quite a while now…” You paused for effect, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“The truth is, I’m in love with you. From the moment we met all those years ago, I knew there was something special between us. And as time went by, that feeling only grew stronger.” you finally said.

“But what about Jean?” Eren asked with a surprised tone. “Oh, with Jean it wasn’t anything serious,” you said. “It’s going to sound horrible but both of us needed someone to forget about the friend they were in love with, me with you and him with Mikasa, but apparently it wasn’t really effective”

“So why didn’t you say something?” he asked. “Well, I could ask the same thing to you Eren?” you answered, teasing him a little bit.

“I guess I was just scared,” he admitted sheepishly. “ Afraid that maybe you really had moved on without me – I’ve missed you Y/N,” he confessed, his voice shaking. “More than you’ll ever know”.

As your faces drew closer, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of intense emotion. Your hearts raced in unison, beating wildly against your chests as you prepared yourselves for whatever laid ahead.  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, your lips met in a tender, passionate kiss.

It was as if all the pent-up frustration and sorrow from your tumultuous past had suddenly vanished, replaced by a powerful wave of desire and affection. Time stood still as you were both lost in the moment, savoring every second of your long-awaited reunion. 

When you guys finally pulled apart, you gazed into each other's eyes, lost in the depths of each other's souls. "I love you, Eren," you whispered, your voice shaking slightly with emotion. "And I love you too, Y/N," he replied, his voice equally strained.

As your lips parted, Eren found himself struggling to catch his breath. This was new territory for him; he had never experienced such intense passion before. He looked into your eyes, wondering if she felt the same way. 

To his relief, he saw a mix of lust and tenderness reflected back at him. Gently guiding you towards the nearby bedroom, he led you inside and closed the door behind you. The room was dimly lit, casting eerie shadows across the walls. 

Undressing each other slowly, you were revealed in the sight of each other's naked forms for the first time. Despite being a virgin, Eren couldn't hide his excitement or nervousness. You sensed his apprehension and decided to take charge. 

Kneeling down beside him, you ran your hands up his thighs, stopping just short of his erection. Looking into his eyes, you gave him a reassuring smile before taking him into your mouth. Eren let out a moan as you teased him expertly, sucking gently on his cock while running your tongue along its length. 

Overwhelmed by pleasure, he reached down to touch your hair, encouraging you to continue. As you worked him over with your skilled tongue, he couldn't help but wonder how lucky he was to have found someone like you. 

Meanwhile, you moved up to straddle Eren's lap, grinding your hips against him suggestively. You wanted this to be special for him, and you intended to make sure it was. Slowly lowering yourself onto his hardened member, you gasped as you felt him slide inside your wet folds. It was tighter than he expected, but in a good way. 

You began moving up and down, meeting his thrusts halfway as you both sought release. The sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the air, punctuated by gasps of pleasure from both parties involved. Eren grabbed hold of your hips, pulling you closer as he buried himself deeper inside your warmth with each stroke. 

Your rhythm became faster and more urgent as you neared climax. Just when it felt like neither of you could take another moment, you both cried out in ecstasy, your bodies shuddering together as you reached orgasm simultaneously.

"Oh god," Eren groaned, his voice hoarse from exertion. "That was incredible." He pulled you closer, burying his face in your neck as he savored the scent of your skin. "I don't think I've ever felt anything like that before." You smiled contentedly, tracing gentle circles on his back. "Oh don’t worry, we're just getting started." 

With renewed energy, you two began exploring each other's bodies once more, lost in the heat of the moment. Every touch sent waves of pleasure coursing through you, heightening your senses and deepening your connection. 

a/n : i wrote this at 2 a.m, so there might be grammar mistakes sorry

[myownwholewildworld]

wherever you go (a joel miller’s ff) - chapter 8

chapter 7 | series masterlist | main masterlist | chapter 9

pairing: outbreak!2003!joel x f!reader. (it's actually 2004 now)

summary: when death comes knocking, you can only answer the door.

a/n: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek where do i even start 🥺 i’m just gonna say i’m sorry in advance and leave it at that, but if you read between lines you’ll understand. i do appreciate any comments, reblogs and/or likes you may want to leave! they do keep me motivated. as always, THANK YOU for reading. see you on the other side! x

warnings: 18+, mdni. a LOT of angst and drama incoming. cutesy fluff. established relationship (my babies 😭).  no smut in this one, don’t hate me! mentions of alcoholism and drugs as coping mechanisms. pet names (darlin’, sweetheart). clickers steal the show 😖. death everywhere so be warned. swear words. reader is female, no other description given. reader is mid-late 20s, joel is 37. no use of y/n.  joel’s and reader’s pov.

w/c: ~5k.

tags aka the drama wagon (let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list pls!): @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @pedrospurplerain @missladym1981

@fancyyoouu @smolbeanzzz @guelyury @bishtrouille

The patrolling shifts had increased around Chicago River and Interstate 90. The Rioters had allocated more resources to survey the borders of the area their people inhabited. In the following days to your disastrous incursion, clickers’ activity had peaked. They were coming closer, so it was decided to dispatch them as they neared.

You were all tired, but there was no rest for the wicked. They kept on moving eastwards, as if something was calling them. No one had been able to figure out why, but the answer to that question didn’t really matter. You suspected that something happened that night at the hospital ― maybe Sasha and her team did something they shouldn’t have.

You would never know, so you tried to stir your thoughts away from what would remain a mystery.

You rolled on bed, the early morning light shining a ray on your face. You grunted in discomfort. Your whole body ached ― those patrols were physically intense, but also mentally exhausting. After all, the infected had been people. A father, an auntie, a brother-in-law, a loving child… All those stories were lost to the wind, and you just hoped there still were people who remembered them as they had been before succumbing to the fungus.

You pouted ― That wasn’t how you wanted to start your day.

Still sleepy, your hand dabbed the bedsheets on your right, unconsciously looking for him.

Joel wasn’t by your side. You frowned in confusion and sat up on the bed, rubbing your eyes. As you got up and walked towards the en-suite, you heard Joel and Tommy talking on the other side of the door, where the living room was.

It was a heated argument ― an everyday occurrence lately. Since you three arrived at Chicago almost five months ago, the brothers appeared to headbutt very often. It didn’t take you long to realise that Tommy’s attitude had gradually changed over time, the alcohol being the main culprit. The bubbly, kind Tommy you had come to meet was buried somewhere underneath that ethanolic stench.

You missed his jests, his nonchalance, his light-heartedness. Buy you did understand him too ― he needed an escape from reality. You all did, really. It was just sad that was his choice of inflicting himself with absent-mindedness.

“You spent the night in the fucking cell, really?”, you heard Joel whisper angrily.

Tommy replied, but his speech was so slurred you couldn’t make out his answer.

“I don’t fucking care for your excuses anymore, Tommy, you need to get your shit together. I need you sober, for fuck’s sake ― the situation is getting dire here, we’ll need to leave soon. In this state, you can barely walk”, you knew Joel was getting frustrated attempting to reason with the younger Miller.

You contained a fatigued sigh ― Joel had tried his best these past months to help Tommy straighten out his path. But you couldn’t help someone who didn’t want to be helped. You just wished Joel understood that. But you knew he wouldn’t give up on his brother so easily. His only living relative.

You sauntered towards the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. You were in the middle of doing so when you heard Joel enter the room. His reflection appeared in the mirror in front of you and you smiled at him, your mouth full of toothpaste. The corner of his mouth lifted just slightly as he placed a heavy hand on the small of your back, his lips brushing your right temple. You closed your eyes at the soothing touch. You quickly bent over to spit the toothpaste and rinse your mouth.

“He’ll come around”, you said as his hand draped around your waist, yours stroking his forearm instinctively.

Joel humphed. “I hope so”, he muttered, his mouth pressed against your crown. “It’s not safe here anymore, darlin’, I think we should head somewhere else”.

“I hear Canada is lovely this time of the year”, you joked, hoping to lighten the mood. His expression didn’t flinch ― worry distorting his rugged, gorgeous face. “I know, I know… Could we wait a few days at least? Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve”, you blinked at him.

He considered it for a few seconds before giving in. “Alright, we’ll leave on the twenty sixth”.

You clapped your hands together, a smile widening your features. Joel cocked an inquiring brow.

“Well, Joyce is throwing a party on Christmas Day at hers and, uhmm, I kinda told her we were coming?”. His brow furrowed even more. “Pretty please?”, you begged, your fingers laced in a prayer.

You knew Joel didn’t like socialising nor big gatherings, but it was just one teeny tiny ask. You flashed your eyelashes at him.

“Okay, it won’t hurt, I guess”, he conceded reluctantly.

With an excited squeal, you turned around in his embrace, circling his neck with your arms. You stood on your tiptoes as Joel leaned forward to kiss you.

The day went by slowly. You had been assigned to the evening patrol ― your hunting duties put on hold until further notice. With all this clickers’ activity, it wasn’t safe to venture out. To your dislike, Joel had been in the afternoon one, so you kissed him goodbye when you took over. At least Tommy was with you.

You were stationed in the bridge on West Madison Street, the Lyric Opera of Chicago to your right. There was a total of ten people in your group, each one of you covering different positions. When clickers approached, you shot them through the rifle scope. It had become a mindless game, like the one you used to play in the arcade when you were younger ― Wolfenstein 3D.

Hours had gone by, and you had been standing up for so long that your feet hurt. You eyed the red, thick metal railing to your left and, with a little jump, you sat on top ― your legs dangling in front of you, facing southwards and the rifle conveniently placed on your lap. Tommy joined you a few minutes later.

He remained silent and so did you. Although he was somewhat sober, you could smell the alcohol on him. It was bad enough that he drank himself to oblivion in his free time, but it was not great he came to patrol with dulled senses.

You took a deep breath.

“Your brother needs you, y’know?”, you said with resignation. His eyes were fixed somewhere in the distance, but you could see the pain in them. “We’ll be leaving in three days, Tommy, and we both need you. This reckless path of yours could have dreadful consequences, not only for us, but for yourself… We are both here to help you out, but you’re shutting us out ― Joel is worried sick and, to be honest, so am I. And I get it, this world sucks… but you’ve got us. The people you are meeting up with… They aren’t good for you.”

He didn’t say a word for a long minute. It was probably not fair of you to pester him with your not-so-uplifting speech, but he needed to hear it. As much as you liked Tommy, what troubled you the most was that it would destroy Joel if he lost Tommy too. It had taken him a long time to open up, to start living again, and Tommy was undoing all that hard work Joel had put in.

He sighed heavily, turning to look at you.

“Do I? And please don’t get me wrong ― I’m happy for both of you. But you’ve got Joel and Joel’s got you. Again, nothing wrong with that, but it sometimes feels lonely, y’know? That’s what drove me to Laney and her group, they get me. Yeah, sure, the alcohol, the drugs ― it ain’t great, but it helps. But I know I need to get my shit together, believe me, I do, it’s just… hard”, he shrugged.

Your eyes softened, downcast expression. You knew you were just brushing the surface; it wasn’t just that he felt left out. This new world was devastating, it toyed with your mind, making you believe things that were never really there ― a figment of your imagination, of your worst fears.

You palmed his forearm to cheer him up.

“As hard as it is, I’m sure you’ll still come out the other end just fine”, you smiled, but he was evading your eyes. “You only need to reach out, Tommy. We’re here for whatever you need of us.”

You got home past midnight. You were so worn out, you just whispered goodbye to Tommy and headed towards your shared bedroom with Joel. The handle made a screeching noise, then the door creaked when you pushed it. You scrunched your face in frustration ― you didn’t want to wake Joel up if he had fallen asleep. He had trouble in doing so, his nightmares still haunted him.

You quietly closed the door behind you. The room was dark, the silence only broken by his faint snoring. You grinned ― he did snore, as much as it pained him to admit it. Tiptoeing towards your end of the bed, you scattered your clothes on the floor. Only wearing your panties, you sneaked under the bedsheets. There was no heating, but Joel’s body radiated enough warmth to keep you both cozy for the whole night ― so you curled up against his back, nipples grazing his bare skin, your left arm around his waist and your hand gently pressed against his chest. You could feel his ribcage raising with every breath he took.

He lulled you to sleep, your mind slowly drifting away. He really was your safe haven.

You smiled absentmindedly, a snug sentiment weighing in your belly. You kissed him where his shoulder blades met and whispered, “I love you.”

Maybe he dreamt it. He was not sure.

Maybe his unconsciousness made it up. He was not sure.

However it came to be, that “I love you” had been haunting his mind the whole day. His chest felt tight, a longing ache lodged in his core. Joel had not been able to get rid of that feeling ― being honest, he didn’t want it to disappear. As much as it was painful, it was also hopeful.

His heart fluttered with yearning at the memory, only coming back to reality when you elbowed his side. He had not heard what you said, but your features had lit up with your laugh. The biggest muscle in his chest skipped a beat at such beautiful melody.

“I bet you were the taciturn type as a kid, right, Joel?”, Joyce asked him, question marks dancing in her pupils.

“I was a normal, boring kid. Played a bit of baseball and went on a few fishing trips with our old man, but that’s about it. So yeah, I guess taciturn covers it”, he replied, spooning the stew into his mouth.

Tommy huffed taking a sip of the moonshine in his cup, but didn’t say anything.

The three of you ―Joel, Tommy and yourself― were in the canteen in the Art Institute of Chicago. Joyce, her granddaughter Ava, Walter and a few others were sat around the table, everyone sharing funny snippets of their childhood. Tomorrow was Christmas Day, which seemed to have lightened the mood a bit, some people had even sang some Christmas carols.

“What about you, sweet pea?”, Joyce turned her attention to you.

“I was a weird kid”, you admitted with a laugh. “Used to love bugs, and I really mean love bugs. I had a huge terrarium, a beautiful ant’s nest. I used to go out and picked some of them off the anthill in our backyard to bring them to my colony. Not gonna lie, it was fascinating seeing how the ants would work together to build their little glass community”, you shared while devouring Joyce’s stew. “Then one day, quite a few ants bit me as I was trying to relocate them to a different part of the terrarium, and they fucked me up real bad. Got a terrible infection, was in hospital for two weeks. When I came back, the whole colony was dead, my parents didn’t even let me have a look at it. It was heartbreaking. After that, I steered clear of any type of bugs. I cared for them, even named every one of them, and that’s how they paid me in return? Little bastards”, you cackled, shaking your head.

“You were indeed weird, sweetheart”, Joel muttered so low, you thought you were the only one who heard it.

You patted his hand with a chuckle, unconsciously leaning towards him, your shoulders touching. You always gravitated towards Joel, you just couldn’t control it. Your eyes met and you giggled ― his smirk widened.

“Guilty”, you whispered, his hand enveloping yours under the table.

You had forgotten Joyce was sat across you until she cleared her throat.

“So, you two lovebirds are a couple yet, or what?”, her not-so-innocent question caught you completely off guard.

Shit, shit, you thought, almost choking on your food. You had not talked to Joel about what you two really were. You loved him wholeheartedly, but you didn’t need to put a label to your relationship. At least not yet. You didn’t want to pressure him ― you knew Joel would come around when he was ready.

“Uh, well, we…”, you stammered, your heart racing so fast you thought you were going to throw it up in your bowl.

Joel’s hand gripped yours tighter.

“Yeah, we are”, he replied, matter-of-factly.

Your soul literally left your body. You scrutinised his face in awe ― your lips dissevered, sparkly eyes, speechless. A wave of relief washed over you. He did love you; you just knew it in your heart. The immense love you suddenly felt almost throttled you. If your brain was a functioning organ, you would have hugged and reciprocated him ― but your mind was still short-circuiting.

Joel’s hazel eyes held yours prisoner. He wasn’t a man of many words, but he didn’t need to be ― his orbs spoke for him. They were soft, tender, loving. You heard Joyce’s snicker, but your eyes could not leave Joel’s. There were so many things you wanted to say but couldn’t ― your heart was drowning in oxytocin.

“Why do you look so surprised, sweet pea?”, said the older woman, hardly containing a guffaw.

Before you could find any words to answer Joyce, a shrieking cry disrupted the festive atmosphere. People got up a few tables away from you, screaming so loud you couldn’t make out their words.

A few seconds later, another commotion took place but from the other end of the room.

“Infected! They are infected!”, someone shouted.

Panic spread quickly. People started running, cramming around the two exits. Pushing their way out, elbowing anyone in their way with no regards to children or the elderly. Then you saw a young girl in the middle of a circle, people trying to keep their distance from her. You recognised her from the patrols but couldn’t remember her name.

Then she propelled forward, tackling a man to the ground. He screeched loudly, trying to free himself.

“No, get away from me! Aaaarghhh!”, then silence.

You had gotten up. More cries came from the opposite direction, but you didn’t dare to look. Joel’s hand on your shoulder forced you out of your trance, and you turned to look at him.

His expression was a reflection of yours for a fraction of a second. The fear, but then the resolution.

“Move, move, we gotta go. Tommy?!”, his hands were on your back, pushing you to walk in front of him.

The younger Miller went in front of you, gun on hand, to find the way out. Then you remembered the firearm in your belt and swiftly gripped it. You were about to run behind Tommy when you realised. Suddenly stopping in your tracks, you turned around to face Joel. You looked at him intently, then to Joyce and her granddaughter.

You couldn’t leave them behind. Joyce was the best person you had known in a while. She was like family to you. And you had already lost all of your blood relatives. Joel had one look at you and understood you were not going to accept no for an answer.

“Joyce! Ava! C’mon!”, he shouted while approaching them. Joel picked up little Ava in his arms while Joyce ran towards you, thick tears blurring her vision.

You held Joyce’s trembling hand as Tommy guided you out of the building onto South Michigan Avenue. You looked back a few times, ensuring Joel was right behind you. Ava was sobbing loudly, her tiny face against the curve of Joel’s neck, wetting his t-shirt. The fearful look in his eyes told you a sad story ― you knew exactly who he was thinking of. A gut-wrenching feeling sat in the pit of your stomach.

The streets were crammed with people, everyone screaming names at the top of their lungs. You recognised a few faces: Walter, Eric and his mother, Troy, Kelsey…

“They’re coming through the bridge on West Adams Street!”, someone wailed.

All of you looked in that direction and saw a massive herd of clickers galloping towards you.

“RUN!”, you shouted at your group, pulling Joyce’s hand.

You all ran northwards, across Millenium Park. You could feel your lungs burning, your brain entering fight-or-flight mode, your heart racing so fast you were on the verge of having a cardiac arrest. But none of that mattered ― you were focused on getting out of there, all of you. Tommy, Joel, Joyce, Ava, yourself. You were going to make it out.

“Go to William Fahey bridge, it’s closer!”, Tommy yelled once on East Wacker Drive.

More clickers were coming towards you from the west ― you heard someone around you say that all the bridges on North Wacker Drive were packed with infected.

“They’re here! THEY’RE COMING!”, Joyce wept.

The whole moment was so hectic, with no time to process what was happening. You all sprinted to the only bridge in the hands of the government ― you had no other option. You were almost halfway through the bridge, just a few yards more and you would be on the other side.

As you were racing, you heard a gunshot behind you. You came to a sudden stop to check, letting go of Joyce’s hand ― Joel had just dispatched a clicker which had come too close.

“Joel! Come on!”, you begged, getting closer to grab him by his free forearm.

Then you saw them. Waves of clickers coming towards you, people falling to their demises. Your eyes widened, terror pumping through your veins. You shot a few of them, your aim perfect. But there were too many to fight, fleeing was your only real option.

“Don’t stop! Let’s fucking go!”, Tommy howled, waving at you.

Then chaos unfolded. Gunshots swirled around you. You all ducked behind a car to avoid the trajectory of the bullets ― the government soldiers were shooting to whoever attempted to cross the bridge, clickers and humans alike.

“Help!”, a cry to your left made you turned around in a panic.

Joyce was flat on her back, fighting off an infected. You couldn’t think, so you just reacted ― you leaped forwards, tackling the clicker. Knelt on top of it, its disgusting teeth snapped close to your hand. You felt a brief pang on your wrist as you lodged a bullet in its forehead.

With tears darkening your vision, you came off it and crawled to Joyce. Her eyes, devoid of life, stared at the cloudy, dusking sky. Her lifeless expression was filled with terror, tears still running down her cheeks. Blood was surging from her neck ― unconsciously, you covered the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

“No, Joyce, come on, wake up”, you whispered, grief tugging at your lungs.

She could not be gone just like that. But she was. Joyce was dead.

“Up! Lift the bridge!”, a man’s voice was carried by the wind.

Suddenly, the ground underneath you started moving up, the bridge parting exactly where you were. With no time to think, Joyce’s body rolled off the edge into the river as you tried to hold on to something to avoid the same destiny.

That something was Joel’s firm grip on your arm. His eyes wild with dread, he pulled you up and back into his arms. His trembling breath caressed your temple as he hugged you tightly. You knew he was as scared as you were, albeit for different reasons.

But there was no time for the shock to wear off. Off the corner of your eye, you saw little Ava running towards the edge, kneeling on the border, her tiny hand reaching into the abyss underneath. “Nana! Come back, nana!”, her wailing tone gave you goosebumps.

“No!”, you and Joel shouted at the same time, both lunging forward towards her.

And then she was gone too. The rotten hand of a clicker wrapped around her tiny wrist, and she fell off the bridge. Her piercing shriek was still ringing in your ears.

Joel and you remained flat against the asphalt, disheartened and broken.

“I had to let go of her for one second, you were falling, I―”, his voice faltered, his eyes broadened with remorse, transfixed on the exact spot Ava had disappeared from.

He was reliving his worst nightmare again. Your heart bled for him. For Joyce, for Ava. For yourself.

“Joel, don’t―”, you couldn’t finish. Don’t do this to yourself, you wanted to say.

“Get up! MOVE!”, Tommy shouted.

He had fended off the clickers who made it across the bridge before it was lifted. You hadn’t realised his efforts until you swept your surroundings and saw the bodies littered around you. Joel shook his head to clear his mind, casting off all emotions, and got up to his feet, helping you up in the process.

Then the three of you started running towards East Illinois Street while the government soldiers kept the clickers at bay as some of them tried to jump from one side of the bridge to the other ― this time, at least, they were aiming better than they did before.

You were still in living hell, with no chance to digest what had happened yet. It was like walking blindly through the darkness, unable to find the switch to turn on the lights. Your emotions had deserted you, at least for the time being. You needed to find shelter before you could shatter.

You raced for what felt like hours but was only minutes. You turned the corner on Erie Street, near Northwestern Hospital. The streets were filled with soldiers and uniformed police, shouting directions at the unhinged mass of people who were trying to find cover.

You stopped running, feeling like fire was consuming your lungs. Joel and Tommy stopped too to catch a breath. You bent over, hands on your knees, to aid your uncontrolled breathing ― Joel’s hand rubbed your back.

“Laney, wait up”, you heard Tommy say, and supposed that Laney and her group had made it out too.

You frowned when you saw blood dripping from your inner wrist on to your jeans. You turned your hand around to check the wound out.

Your breath didn’t reach your lungs. Teeth marks were imprinted on your skin, a grotesque sight. Your heart came to a halt, and then it pounded so hard your ears rang.

I’ve been bit, you thought, realisation dawning on you. Fuck, I’m bit.

Even though you were internally panicking like you had never before, you straightened your back and looked at Joel blankly. It felt like it wasn’t you who was talking, as if you were seeing yourself from outside your own body.

“Joel, I’ve been bit”. Your voice didn’t feel yours ― calm, ethereal.

He was watching his brother walk away, and then his eyes darted to yours in less than a second. His pupils were dilated, his nostrils flared, his lips pursed. A vein twitched in his jaw, his anxiety peaking to the highest level possible. You saw his hand shaking when he grabbed your wrist to inspect it himself.

Joel didn’t say a word. He didn’t have time to do so. You hadn’t realised that Tommy had stopped walking towards Laney and had drawn his gun as he was retracing his steps back to where you were.

“Joel, move”, the barrel was pointing at you, his hand steady.

Panic set in. Was he really going to shoot you? Just like that? Like your life didn’t matter at all? Like he wasn’t your esteemed friend? In front of Joel? Was this how you were going to die after all?

Questions flooded your mind, death knocking at your door.

Joel positioned his body in between you and Tommy ― one hand reaching back to keep you behind him, the other one in front of him at waist level, palm down, to keep Tommy away.

“Tommy, please―”, he implored in a hush.

You couldn’t see his face, but you knew his features were torn. His defeated tone ate at your conscience.

“She’s been bit, Joel. She ain’t coming with us, she can’t”, as much as Tommy wanted to convey a reassuring tone, he couldn’t.

Why was he talking like you were not there, like if you were already gone?

“Tommy, don’t do this. I lov―”, your heart sank to your stomach.

“Don’t say it, she’s dead”, Tommy cut him off before Joel could finish his appeal. “If you stay, you’re going to die. Come with me please, we’ll go with Laney and her group, we’ll survive this. You will survive this”, he nodded in your direction.

You were “this”. He was telling Joel he would get over you once you were dead. And you wanted him to listen. You were doomed, there was no coming back from this. You had seen people turn ― you had a couple of days tops before you would get lost to the fungus. Some people only lasted hours. If he stayed by your side to see you wither away… it would break him. For good.

“Joel, listen―”, you whispered, wrapping your fingers around his wrist ― a silent plea dying in your lips.

“No, don’t say a word”, he barely looked over his shoulder, unable to face you yet. “Tommy, I can’t. I just can’t”, he said under his breath.

“Choose then. Either you’re coming with me or you’re staying with her. But I won’t stay by your side to see you destroy yourself.”

An anxious knot formed in your throat. Was Tommy really going to make Joel choose between you and him? That was so fucking cruel you couldn’t believe your ears. You gaped, trying to say something, but Joel took a step back which forced you to do the same.

“Tommy, are you fucking serious?”, Joel asked, a shift in his tone from incredulity to betrayal.

“There’s your answer, I guess”, the younger Miller replied angrily.

Tommy simply walked off, not looking back, not even once.

Both Joel and you froze in place for a long minute, trying to wrap your heads around what just happened.

Your eyes drifted back down to the wound. Pus and blood oozed out. Your chest heaved, reality setting in. You were going to die. This was not what you had in mind for Christmas. How could this happen? Why you? Even with your mind racing with trepidation, you didn’t regret killing that clicker. What you lamented was that it had been for naught ― Joyce and Ava were dead.

“Hey, look at me”, Joel’s voice brought you back. His hands cradled your face, his thumbs sweeping away tears you were not aware of. “Look at me”, he repeated.

You looked up at him through damp eyelashes, memorising his face. His beautiful brown eyes were swirling with shock, with pain, with darkness, with guilt, with loss. His jaw was so clenched his lips were just a fine line. You momentarily shut your eyes, nestling your cheek into his hand before kissing his palm and taking a step back.

You could not look at him directly. The pain was too grave, too profound ― so insatiable it was consuming you. “You gotta go, Joel. Tommy is right. I’m… I’m dead. It’s just a matter of days, maybe hours. You can’t stay. You can’t follow me where I’m going.” The words escaped your mouth in shortened bursts, unable to keep a steady tone.

He took a step forward and cupped your chin, forcing your head up. His sad eyes captivated you, pulling you into their orbits, as if you were a tiny meteor dancing around too close to the black hole of his irises.

“Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Even to the fucking edge of the atlas”, he muttered breathlessly. “I love you, so don’t ask me to leave you behind. I’m staying, till the bitter fucking end”, your heart dropped to your stomach at his confession.

This was not how you had expected things to be. You were supposed to have time with each other, all the time in the fucking world. And that time had just been snatched from you mercilessly.

Life was so fucking unjust.

You couldn’t stop the tears any longer ― they overflowed your waterlines, your vision so smeared you couldn’t see his face anymore. Your head tilted forward, until your face was buried in his chest.

Joel hugged you tightly, feeling like he was starring in a twisted horror movie. A dark void had replaced his heart, which had been completely ripped off his chest. He was barren inside. His breaths were shallow, they didn’t even reach his lungs.

Had he forgotten how to breathe?

“We need to get off the streets”, he managed to mumble, holding your hand and taking you away.

[perlelune]

Tag, You’re It | Ethan Landry | Epilogue

Happy, carefree college days meet their abrupt end when every guy who approaches you mysteriously turns up dead.

Warnings: NON-CON, Stalking, Bimbo!Reader, Clueless Reader, Loss of Virginity, Incel Ethan, Cheerleader Reader, Skin Carving (w/knife), Canon Typical Slashing, Voyeurism, Kidnapping, Forced Masturbation, Filming, Blackmail

This is a dark story. Heed warnings before reading under the cut.

𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

"Ethan, you’re tearing me apart. Can you go s-slower, please?" you whimper as Ethan bounces you on his cock, his fingers digging possessive dents into your hips. New bruises have already bloomed over the ones from last time just this morning. It’s one of the things you had no choice but to get used to…the constellation of bruises, scratch marks and love bites Ethan is fond of scattering all over your flesh. 

He can’t let a single day go by without leaving evidence that you're his somewhere on your body. 

"Can you blame me when you feel so fucking good, princess?" Ethan grunts, resting his head in the valley between your bare breasts. His dick twitches inside you and you gasp, your slick walls reflexively spasming around him. Your nails burrow in the taut muscles of his back, an explosion of both pain and pleasure rushing through your core, terrifyingly indistinguishable from one another.

The pornographic echo of your wet skin slapping against Ethan’s fills the room, his throaty moans mingling with your helpless squeals. 

He squeezes your hips and slams you harder onto his length. 

Your chest clenches as you feel him graze your sensitive spots. 

Ethan’s sweat-dotted forehead creases. 

"Shit…I’m gonna come," he rasps, his damp curls brushing your collarbone.

Dread fills the pit of your stomach. 

"Not inside Ethan, please."

Despite your desperate plea, Ethan hums out a deep sigh and spills his warm seed inside you. Your gut sinks as you feel his spent flood your cunt. There’s so much of it that it leaks past the ring where his length is buried inside you and stains the sheets. 

You bang on his chest, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Ethan!" 

Your mouth shudders.

"You said you wouldn't anymore."

A slanted smirk twists his plump lips at your outraged reaction. 

He cradles your weeping face, thumbs swiping your tears. 

"It's okay. You're on birth control, remember?" 

How could you forget? Ethan all but threatened you to take the pills so he could use your body whenever and wherever he feels like.

Your hesitant, trembling voice trickles out. 

"Yes but…" You squirm beneath his heated stare. "In sex ed they used to say there's always a risk."

"It won't happen," he assures firmly, his large hand traveling down to your hip to keep you impaled on his cock when you try to move away. 

Ethan takes a minute to bask in the sight of himself leaking out of you, the sticky excess trickling along your thighs. His brown eyes darken as he licks his lips. 

Worry tickling your stomach, you let your hand brush over his thick mane of curls. You noticed he's nicer when you play along. Ethan leans into your touch, gripping your wrist to kiss the inside of your palm. 

Chewing your bottom lip, you mumble, "What if…you used a condom."

Ethan snorts. 

"I'm not using a fucking condom." His long fingers trace the swell of your hips, a sigh of pleasure leaving him as your walls flutter around him. Ethan's throat bobs, his voice hoarse with lust as he says, "I want to feel you around me, princess."

"O-Okay."

You deflate. You don't know why you keep trying to reason with Ethan despite the awful truths you've learnt about him. Maybe part of you still hopes the sweet boy you first met is still buried somewhere deep within him, even if he shows you his depraved nature time and time again.

He frames your chin, his hard gaze locking with yours. 

"You're forgetting who’s in charge here, princess. You don't make the rules. I do."

Your blood turns to ice. Swallowing your tears, you nod. 

"Okay, Ethan. I'm sorry I complained."

As soon as you apologize, a bright smile appears on his face. He bends over you and brushes a soft kiss against your lips. 

"It's fine. I forgive you." Ethan’s smile grows as he takes a long look at you. "You're lucky I love you so damn much."

Relief flows through you when he finally exits your core with a groan. It was the third time this morning and you’re beyond sore. 

Exhausted, you climb under the sheets and lie on your side. You tense as Ethan pulls your back into his chest, his chin nuzzling the crook of your neck as he breathes you in. His muscular arms circle your waist and it takes everything in you not to shrink, especially as his soft cock rubs against your ass cheeks. 

You don’t think you’ll ever get used to this. But what other way is there? Ethan didn’t exactly give you a choice. He made it clear you could either yield to his every desire or watch everyone you care about fall like flies around you.

You can’t have another death on your conscience. 

Under the pillow, you feel the buzzing of your phone. You grab it and check the text you just received. 

Your heart sinks. 

Somehow, it slipped your mind. Maybe because Ethan monopolizes so much of your time. 

"Who's that?" 

You shrug. 

"It's just Alana."

Your meager hope of him dropping the issue crumbles to dust when he inquires, "So why do you look so sad?"

"It's nothing," you elude, praying your nonchalance will keep him from digging any further.

You’re about to set your phone aside when Ethan swipes it from between your fingers. 

"Ethan!" you cry out.

Retrieving it is impossible, Ethan using the length of his arm to keep it out of your reach. 

A wide, shit-eating grin decorates his mouth as he watches you fail to pry it from him. 

As he reads the text however, the mirth on his face evaporates. His brows crumple.

"Why is Alana asking for your uniform?" he asks, sitting up.

You fiddle with the hem of the sheet. 

"With everything, I forgot to give it back."

Ethan’s frown deepens.

"Give it back? Why? You love being a cheerleader."

"It’s really nothing."

He tilts up your chin when your gaze falls downward.

"Answer me. Why is she asking for it back?"

You shudder. His stern tone allows no room for argument.

You lick your lips and confess with a small voice, "She cut me from the team…" 

Ethan’s jaw ticks, flames of rage burning in his chestnut orbs.

"She did what?" he growls.

Panic fills you. 

You put your hands on his chest, tears adorning your lashes.

"No, Ethan. You promised. No more murders, please." 

Your plea peters out into a sob. 

Ethan flashes you a bright smile, tenderly cupping your cheeks as you sniffle. 

"Sure…anything for you, princess."

Despite his promise you can’t help but feel unsettled, the air growing chillier around you as a strange glint dances in his eyes.

“So it’s a thing now?” Mindy asks for possibly the hundredth time this morning. The mix of shock and disdain oozing off her tone is unwavering every time. 

Ethan’s hold on your waist tightens as he readjusts you on his lap. He insisted for you to sit here despite the vast amount of room on the benches.

His fingers lazily skim over your thigh, right beneath the hem of your shorts.

“Yes, Mindy, it’s a thing, now. We’re a thing now," he says, his lips curling upwards. 

"Yes and according to some of the girls in our dorm, they were a very loud thing this morning…" Tara whispers under her breath. 

Your cheeks heat. 

Awkward stares circulate around the group, all your friends avoiding looking at both you and Ethan for a few seconds. 

Well, all of them except for Mindy. 

She glares daggers at him before swiveling to her brother.

“You’re okay with this?”

You wonder what Chad's thinking from his seat atop the table. 

 He’s been unusually silent for most of the morning, his face impossible to read. Scratching the back of his head, he heaves out a deep sigh.

“I still…don’t really know how I feel about it to be honest.”

Mindy shakes her head, turning to the other end of the bench. 

“Tara?” she asks, desperation for someone to back her up clear on her features.

Tara opens her mouth, shifting on the bench before clearing her throat.

“I’m not the right person to ask, I think.”

Your best friend rolls her eyes. 

“Babe, come on, back me up," she begs Anika. 

“I…" Anika trails off, her eyes bouncing between you and her girlfriend. She reaches across the table, putting her hand on your arm as she asks earnestly, "Uh…Are you happy?”

Mindy’s hand covers Anika’s on your arm. “Blink twice if you need help."

Chad shakes his head, hopping off the table. 

“Mindy, come on." His eyes lock with yours, exasperation painted on his handsome face. “Bean, can you reassure everyone that my roommate isn’t holding you hostage and that this is a fully consensual boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic?”

You swallow thickly. As the seconds stretch into eternity, Ethan’s hand grows heavier on your thigh, his thumb drawing circles into your skin in a quiet threat. 

Chest tight, you remember the words he had you rehearse, trying not to stumble as you repeat them. 

“I love Ethan…"

His deep commanding voice echoes in your head as you speak. 

He’s the nicest and most caring guy I know.

"...And if you guys are really my friends…"

You’ll accept him. 

"And most importantly, you’ll accept us.”

Mindy’s jaw hangs slack at your statement. 

Quinn pipes up cheerfully from the other side of the table. 

“I think they make a super cute couple, don’t you think, guys?" Your stomach knots as she beams at you, mischief gleaming in her emerald eyes. "The hot cheerleader falling for the shy, awkward nerd? Sounds like a great romcom to me.”

Tears tickle the back of your eyes but you suppress them. A romcom? More like a R-rated horror flick full of gore, tragedy and cruel deaths.

Mindy tosses her hands up in the air.

“I need to go throw up somewhere," she says before storming off.

Anika tosses her a sad look, mouthing 'sorry' at you as Mindy leaves. 

If only she knew. 

Mindy doesn’t have a thing to be sorry for.

In fact you’re the one who owes her an apology for ever doubting her.

You wish you could chase after her, tell her how right she was…about everything, how you should have listened, how you should have trusted her.

But it’s too late.

Anika sends you a soft smile, genuine concern swimming in her orbs. 

“You are happy though, right? You deserve it after how rough things have been for you lately."

Your skin sizzles beneath the intensity of Ethan’s gaze. He blows a warm breath on the back of your neck that makes your pulse race. 

You know you can’t falter, or he’ll find a way to make you pay. A deadly way. 

Your smile grows big enough to hurt the corners of your lips. 

“I’ve never been happier. Ethan…Ethan makes me happy.”

~

[genderqueerdykes]

the election results have me feeling really bummed out as a closeted/pre-everything transmasc person. i feel like im grieving a version of myself that will never get to exist because im too scared

hey it's okay to feel this way, i'm sorry you're so scared right now

something i'd like everyone to keep in mind is that it's literally impossible for trump to change everything overnight. i hate our government but it has to fight with itself in order to function. individual states in the country are proposing some very questionable and unsafe bills, but it's not a reason to give up hope. there will always be states in our country like California who have and maintain strong enough trans protection laws that people will still have somewhere to go

change when it comes to government is gradual. it doesn't happen over night. that's how transphobes and republicans want you to feeel. they want you to give up, to become defeated and to never, ever try to transition. youre not wrong for feeling bummed, but do not give up on your transition because of them. that's what they want. fight like hell for your future. fight like hell for your comfort and identity

if anything now is the best time to get started. trump literally cannot do anything until January. and even then that's the motion of attempting to put bills and laws into action. attempting. there's no guarantee anything will be passed. reminder that we lived thru 4 years of trump before and barely anything happened. republicans are not as scary as we think they are. trump is a fascist yes but he can only do so much when it comes to bickering with the rest of the government

government moves slowly. change happens gradually. if you need help relocating to a safer place, feel free to ask. pursue transition now if you have the ability to. don't let some fascists get into your head and make you think it will literally be impossible. i promise it won't. they want you to get scared and feel like they're so powerful you can't do anything. fortunately the're not. you don't have to give up on your future. you don't have to give up on transition

take care of yourself, okay? it's okay to feel bummed but don't let them get too deep into your head. thats exactly what they want. they want all the trannies to detransition, go back into the closet, or never transition. and it's okay if people do this. but this is what they want. im going to continue being shamelessly trans. im going to continue being a tranny who looks acts and sounds queer. i know not every queer can do this. i know not every trans preson has that luxury

if you genuinely can't medically or socially transition it's alright. a lot of people just can't. it genuinely is very unsafe for many people. but i just want to stress that things will not become 1000x worse over night. you still have a chance. and there are people fighting for your right to transition right now. we will continue to fight harder. defeat is not an option- we will not let it be.

good luck, i hope you're able to feel better soon. take care of youreslf, no matter what you choose it's okay. but remember that change happens gradually. we will adapt

[itsgrimeytime]

The Lover || Rick Grimes (TWD) x gn!reader

1...

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax @mgparker @zomb-1-egutzz

AVAILABLE ON AO3

The Sequel to The Nurse (my series masterlist)

Summary: A long time ago, you were Rick Grimes's nurse. Now, you loved him, and he loved you. Or at least that's where you left it off. With Judith safe in your arms and Rick distinctly not by your side, you could only hope his feelings stayed the same because they sure as hell did for you.

TWs: blood, inhumane rage (you're kinda crazy in this one ngl), threatening someone's life, vague mention of murder, blades, and all things TWD.

[[A/N: heyyy, it's finally here!!! it's going to be less of Rick in this one for obvious reasons. At least for now. Looked it up and it took 10 days to get to Alexandria for the main group, so I'm going to be writing those for these first few chapters. Thanks for reading!!!]]

It had been two days since the prison -you could only count by the sun setting and the nightfall. You were running on autopilot, step after step; periodically feeding Judith because she wasn't crying anymore. You hadn't had any run-ins, not yet.

Your hand clenched against your side -tight on your axe. It was still the same fire-axe that you'd gotten at the hospital -blood ingrained in the blade and handle from your entire journey. You weren't sure it would wash off at this point.

It felt like a part of you now. Always there, familiar.

Like Rick had, or Carl, or Judith, or anyone at the prison-

You swallowed, they're alive. You know it.

You didn't, but it helped to think so.

If they get hurt, they've got Hershel, they'll survive, you assured, trying not to let the guilt bubble into your stomach.

Judith fussed a little then -the gentle pull of her eyebrows and squirming in her makeshift carrier. Your hand immediately came to soothe, smoothing against her head -gently whispering to shush her.

You were hidden away in a shack -somewhere along the road. It provided shelter, and that was enough for now. Pulling out a can of... something, you couldn't remember, you stabbed your knife through and opened it up. You'd been rationing, only eating when necessary; in the case that Judith's formula ran out, you wanted to keep her fed.

The first thing you'd noticed was the snap of a branch, just a single branch. It singled out in the night. Walkers would break more than one, you remembered.

Judith was asleep on your chest, you didn't dare move her; she was safer with you than without you. You knew that well.

Carefully, you put the can by your side, gently as if to not make any other sounds that would bring attention to you. You or Judith. All that you were running on was adrenaline, and just the urge to protect, protect, protect-

If whoever this was tried to lay a hand on Judith-

You carefully stood up, pulling your axe off the ground with you. Swinging it around in your hands, it was so familiar now. Attached to you. You weren't sure how to feel about it, but you couldn't really feel anything now -your mind was focused. Shelter, food, water, and Judith.

There was nothing else in this world for you. Not now.

With a breath, you slammed the door open -axe at the ready. You didn't catch on anyone at first, but then you heard it again and spun on your feet. You eyes settled on someone.

Their hands were shaking, but they held a gun to you -metal tip pointing and glinting in the sun. Your jaw tightened, as you gnawed on your lip, hands solid on your axe.

"Drop it," they spoke, but their voice was shaky. You could physically see their hands shake, something in your stomach steeled, "-or I'll-"

"I wouldn't," you remarked, bitterly -not an ounce of anything but anger melding along your words.

They pressed their lips together, seeming to gain a little more confidence, "I have a gun, I will shoot-"

You spoke again, tone sharp -something flashing behind your eyes.

"I wouldn't."

Protect, protect, protect-

They stared at you, something smoothing through their eyes. Something flashing, their lip trembling ever so slightly. You didn't flinch.

"What, all you have is an axe-"

"Did you know-" you hummed carefully stepping toward them, voice measured and careful, "-there are 1.5 gallons of blood in the human body?"

They snapped their lips shut, as you roamed closer, pressing the blade into their space. Tantalizingly close to their neck.

"And it only takes one little slice to lose it all?"

They froze for a moment, just one second. And you reacted instinctively, elbowing the gun out of their hands. It flew off into the bushes (snaps of branches telling you it did), but you kept your eyes solely on them. Lips pressed into a thin line.

"Look," they retracted, something pleading in their eyes, "-all I want is some food. I just- I haven't eaten in days."

You stared at them, axe still close to their neck -the vein that would do the job. You knew that, you'd read it in textbooks, seen bloody hands try to apply pressure, but it was too quick. Too fast.

"You threatened to kill my baby," you tsked, jutting the axe forward a little more. It was just a hair away and something in you was angry, so angry. Just an inch, just an inch, just an inch-

Protect, protect, protect-

"I wasn't going to! Not really, I just-" their eyes sunk to the blade, teary now, "-Please, I... I don't want to die like this-"

Protect, protect, protect-

You took a heavy breath in, eyes squeezing shut, hand clenching your axe so tight your knuckles were white. Something in you recentering, coming back to earth.

You pulled back the axe, but didn't let up your stare, growling, "If you ever try and hurt her again, I'll snap your spine myself."

They swallowed, blearily.

Motioning to the shack, you spoke -sharply, "There's some leftovers in there, take them."

They scrambled then, for the can, but you took pause a second. Carefully putting your axe back in place, you asked, "Have you seen a man and a kid? The kid, he... he wears a sheriff's hat."

The person seemed confused, maybe from so blatant of a switch, with the can gathered up in their hands. Still, they pressed their lips together, and answered, "I haven't."

Your heart stung, and you swallowed, nodding. With a breath, you set off to start walking again, it was morning -you needed to be productive in the daylight. But they stopped you.

"For your good, and the kid's," they warned, "-don't go to Terminus."

"Terminus?" You questioned.

"You're heading that way," they continued, eyes portraying a seriousness, "-they say it's a safe place. It's not. Don't go there."

"And," you breathed out, "-where should I go?"

They seemed to pause, scanning you over, "I don't know for sure, but I hear there's a place called Alexandria. It's good there, safe. Safe enough for a baby."

Your eyes darted down to Judith, still sleeping soundly against your chest. Your hand came up to rub against her hair -smoothing it down in place. She was your whole world now. If it was safe for her, it's where you'll go.

"Why aren't you there?" You questioned, "-If it's safe?"

"Looking for someone," they answered -briskly.

"Me too," you took a shaky breath in, your hands were shaking by your sides, "-I'm sorry about-"

They shook their head, cutting off your words, "It's your kid, I'd do the same."

You nodded once solidly, "Thanks."

They didn't say a word, and you decidedly moved forward. Keep moving.

They're alive, they're alive, they're alive-

You ended up near a few stores -walkers roaming around the strip.

You'd been keeping your eye out for signs, you saw them a lot. Different places offering safe havens, you hadn't seen one for Alexandria yet though. Had seen one for Terminus, and you had the brief thought that maybe Rick had been there. Were they okay? Did they come back from it?

You swallowed, not wasting time thinking about it. You couldn't, not anymore. You had Judith, you'd focus on Judith.

Inhaling, you roamed along the strip, pulling your axe into your hand again at the few walkers who roamed nearby. There wasn't enough that it was concerning, but you still didn't like them being anywhere near you. Especially with Judith held to your chest.

Quickly disposing of the one right by the door (lodging the blade through its head), you slowly made your way inside. It had a glass exterior, but all of it was smashed; it cracked under your feet, as you kept a hand on the back of Judith's head -just in case. The store, what looked to be some sort of convenience store, was raided pretty heavily only a few cans of what looked like alphabet soup on the food shelf.

Without hesitation, you took off your pack and shoved the cans into it. You didn't have much space, not with all of Jude's stuff, but you worked with what you had. Only finding two water bottles, you stashed one away for bottles and the other brought to your lips, before shoving it away.

You went through a few shops like that, some novelty shops with little trinkets and toys (you took just one for Judith), some snack shops where the aisles were completely cleaned out. And then, you stumbled upon a clothing store.

You stared at it, a little dumbfounded.

It was relatively untouched, sans the broken glass along the front. You figured that clothes were that important in the grand scheme of the apocalypse, so maybe it had just never been raided. Wanting to, one, get out of these clothes and, two, get some extra fabric for bandages, you neatly stepped inside.

You ended up finding an assortment of clothes, and for once you actually got to pick. Grabbing a bag off the floor that could hang across your chest, you filled it with fabric (including little onesies you'd found). And right then and there, you stripped down, slipping both new clothes on you and Judith.

It was refreshing, not really like a shower would be at this point but... close enough.

Slowly exiting, you took out two more walkers and continued out of the street -generally in the same direction the stranger had provided you with. You were just going by roads and by paths. Assumedly, if this place was safe, it would be some kind of substantial building.

Like the prison was, your mind chimed. You bit back the bile in your throat.

It went on that until night fell, there was no shelter nearby, so you continued on foot. Not that you'd sleep anyway, especially with Judith. You couldn't chance a wink.

It was the early morning then, and you felt the heaviness in your eyes. But you'd experienced much, much worse. You were kind of running a little on the adrenaline of everything. That being said, you had slept a little.

You'd found a house, boarded up. For safety reasons, you walked all the way up the stairs to the furthest bedroom and locked the door. You woke up to Judith crying and hadn't slept since.

What you hadn't expected, was to see two men walking along the road -crisply dressed and oddly clean. You hid behind a tree, peeking out at the two of them -they were talking about something.

"I think we'll give it another few days."

"How many?"

"Maybe two," one of the men spoke, "-we have to get back to Alexandria at some point-"

You stilled, hands brushing up against the bark of the tree. It scraped your fingers a moment.

You tailed them for a bit, watching what weapons they had (if they did) and figuring out what they were doing in general. They seemed to be limited to this area, like they were expecting something or maybe watching something, you didn't really know. They didn't say much.

You waited for them to completely let their guard down. Realistically, you could've taken them, probably. But you didn't chance anything, not with Judith; if you died, she would have nobody. Or at least, right now she would.

It was later in the day, lunch maybe based on the fact that they were eating. One's back to you, you realize this to be the perfect moment. You could take a hostage and demand answers.

Gently kissing Judith's head, you took a deep breath.

And you acted instinctively, pulling out your axe, and jumping behind him. With one fluid move, you pulled your axe in front of his neck. The vein, the vein, the vein-

The other man jumped, "Shit-"

"Don't move," you warned, and the man stalled in place -hands gently raised in the air.

He looked so unaffected from the world, how was he even-

"What do you want from us?" He nearly pleaded, and something in your resolve faltered but you stayed firm, "-Food? Weapons? We- Shit, take it all-"

You pressed your lips into a thin line, trying to control your emotion. Judith, Judith, Judith-

"Where is Alexandria?"

[sweetlady555]

my personal experiences/introspections with having moon square mc, moon square venus, moon square chiron, moon square neptune and moon square saturn | as i believe some of us may know moon can rule the mother, emotions, home & family etc.. so here are some of my experiences with having these aspects in my natal chart *tw : slight mentions of abuse*

Moon Square MC 1° : when i had my first job at 16 i had these older co workers who would constantly talk shit on my name, i dont know WHAT IT IS but the day i first found out i completely shut down and cried in the bathrooms at work😭. i felt so low that it was present to the customers and co workers around my age. Its so weird because whenever i ended up working somewhere the managers would get all cold towards me? like i was literally 16 raw dogging a job because they couldnt care less to teach me anything 😭 i also felt during work i had to put on a fake persona just to be liked and it fucked with my entire identity and still to this day i still have challenges with it especially because my moon is in my 6h so I usually tend to find comfort in overworking myself but it usually doesnt end up doing me any good because of that.

Moon Square MC 1° : when it came to my family while having this placement lets just sayyyy there is a lot of conflict and still to this day. both my parents go around trying to constantly bash my image like what? my dad used to go to my school just to gossip about me to all the office ladies, they called him out obviously because ????? My parents have both talked terribly about me to others which affected how other family members see me. My family also doesnt like the way i present myself either so they choose to keep me hidden or bash on my name for that.

Moon Square Venus 1° : I used to be really lovey with the opposite gender but I found myself becoming colder/detached when it came to relationships over the years. Im afraid of vunerability but I want to be vunerable!! I also notice within myself that I tend to go for partners/friendships that usually are older than me because I had to mature at a young age. I also tend to go for men who are emotionally unavailable #thanksmomanddad. Most of my relationships i tend to struggle with expressing the way I feel when it comes to wanting love and affection so this usually ends up with my relationships feeling detached and not lasting very long. I feel like this is also the reason why my exes only come back which is when they want a good time because they don’t see me as someone they could be with for a long time.

Moon Square Venus 1° : With my mother there was always this saying that a mothers love is unconditional blah blah whatever that is 😒… My mom kicked me out when I was like 12 because she felt like I wasn’t a good enough daughter almost like I didnt “earn” to be her daughter which is insaneeeeeeeuh …… I always had to put this perfect persona aswell when it came to my mom to be the “perfect daughter” and she loved this idea of me so much that if i messed up she would immediately disown me but im not gonna get into too much detail now 😹 my mother to me is the only person who can trigger my wounds

Moon Square Chiron 3° : Obviously as yall can tell with the amount of moon square aspects i have it left me with a lottaa long lasting effects on me #scarred im still currently living with my parents but i plan on moving out next year, although ive tried to heal multiple times throughout my teen years, the same situations and the same feelings i had when it all first happened all come back again. but there is hope so im not too sad about it!!! With my mom, she would often come to me for emotional support, i remember i was like 10 and she would cry to me how she was gonna ☠️ herself and me being 10 i didnt know what to do but this made me emotionally mature so young. Also I felt like the roles were reversed in the household making me take the care giving role when it came to me living with my mom. My mom would constantly seek my validation and my empathy for her situations so i can help victimize her for her stupid behaviours/situations. There is nothing wrong with a mother wanting to confide in her daughter but she definitely did it to where the only intent was to help her ego or to gain control over me. While living with my parents, I also felt as if I was “unlovable” shying away from relationships because if my parents were able to see me that way what makes my partner not being able to see me that way either? Recently though I had a very nice ex who I saw 2 months ago who I got a lil too drunk with and I had opened up and told him all of this 💀 he was so sweet though despite me being so cold and detached he told me “how could anyone not love you just look at you” and it changed my perspective so bless his soul

Moon Square Neptune 4° : Throughout my entire childhood/teens where I faced abusive family situations, I always went to escapism like excessive day dreaming and idealizing a life outside of my parents houses/other people i mean but can you blame me 😭 although i really do enjoy day dreaming its also hurt me, because i tend to think the grass is greener on the other side. i also dont feel all the way connected with reality, ive dissociated so much that its just became my normal now especially with the moon being in the 6h ruling daily routines and such. i tend to idealize people, situations and even myself like a lot to cope with these feelings, even when they arent as bad as they used to before the illusions still stuck with me, I feel like a illusion in general lol and this goes with how i see my family aswell.

Moon Square Saturn 4° : with my parents its very very cold and detached i havent been fully emotionally nurtured by my parents since i was like 10 😭 my parents put really high standards on me and are very critical if i dont meet them or act the way they like and this would lead to extreme reactions from them like verbal/physical abuse when i was younger that I learned to put up with up until now. With moon representing the mother and saturn representing the father they tend to clash a lot. they both tell me how much i remind them of one another and thats the main reason they dont like me anymore.

thank you for making it this far, i went in depth with this one since i have so many moon square aspects i thought it would be a good idea to share my own self observations for anyone whos looking into moon aspects!

although i am faced with all these challenges i still look forward to a new day and it’s helped me gain independence and confidence within myself and my strength so im grateful for these experiences:)

that being said

have a blessed day ੈ✩‧₊˚ ,

@ sweetlady555

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Hiiii Mousey! (✿^‿^) How are you right now? Hope you're doing well there.

Anywho, I had this idea while on a car ride, listening to some band songs. I had to write it down right away before I forgot it. I don't know if anyone has ever sent this to you before, but What if the farmer used to be a popular and famous singer, but because of the stress from fame and the number of stalkers they encountered, they decided to resign/quit and move to the valley to start anew, hoping no one would recognize them. However, one day, the farmer accidentally blurts out their secret to their NPC spouse and this made the farmer very worried. Now, here's the thought: How would the SDV&SVE Bachelors/Bachelorettes react to finding out that their farmer spouse was once a famous, popular singer? 🎤🎸

Hey hey 👋 I'm fine, a bit busy due to work (December is always a pretty busy month for me) but so doing pretty well, thanks for asking ❤️

Ooooh, your idea as an alternative start for Farmer arriving in the Stardew Valley, love it! Thanks for the ask, and have a good day!

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SDV/SVE bachelors/ettes with Farmer as a former famous singer

SDV/SVE bachelors:

Even with the changed clothing style and new hair colour, Sam recognised Farmer as a famous singer almost instantly before Farmer blabbed about their past career. You bet, because Sammy is not only a music lover, but also a big fan of this musical group! He will shower Farmer with questions and autograph requests, but the joyful guitarist immediately restrains himself, remembering that a reaction like his is one of the reasons why the singer left the band. Sam apologises to Farmer and gives them some space. He in no way wanted to make his own lover uncomfortable.

"Wow... That's so cool." Sebastian is also pleasantly surprised about the fact that Farmer who came to Stardew Valley is the same singer from his favourite alternative rock band who left due to many cases of stalking. However, emo's own reaction is very calm, with adoration and admiration in his eyes, but no obsession. He knows that his beloved Farmer is a human being just like him and respects their feelings. Seeing that Farmer didn't want to talk about their past, Sebastian swears to them that he won't tell anyone about it.

Elliott stared at Farmer in surprise, eagerly waiting for an answer. Now the writer realised why he'd always thought he'd seen/heard Farmer somewhere before! Truthfully, instead of continued delight, Elliott was silenced by the look of weariness and sadness on his partner's face. He heard about Farmer as singer, but was completely unaware of the reason for their departure from show business. He would make a hundred apologies, assuring them that if Farmer didn't want to tell them, he would respect their wishes. Of course, Elliott's curiosity will torture him a little, but for him, his spouse's happiness comes first.

"Okay." No, Farmer was certainly glad that their husband Shane didn't jump madly around them like their fans in Zuzu City, but they'd expected, well, a more reaction than that. "You want me to try to rip the hair out of your head like those 'fans'?" Fair enough. Shane himself isn't much of a music lover, but Jas loved listening to Farmer on TV, and she was the one upset to tell Shane that her favourite singer had been bullied many times and they'd left. He's glad Farmer was able to escape that madness and there's no way his attitude towards them is going to change.

Alex nearly dropped his ice cream cone in surprise. "I always do the training to your songs! They give me so much motivation!" Farmer explained to their enthusiastic husband that although their songs were motivational and upbeat, Farmer themself wrote everything under constant stress due to pressure from managers and fear due to obsessive fans. Alex had no idea how bad it was and hugged Farmer tightly, covering them with kisses. The athlete himself will keep Farmer's anonymity (though he will sometimes squeak with delight inside, because wow, his spouse is so cool!).

Harvey had noticed Farmer's very familiar first and last name long ago when he entered their patient data into medical database, but had taken it simply as a coincidence. Even as spouses he didn't know the truth when he didn't mention this funny coincidence, to which Farmer had casually said they were than singer, not the namesake. The doctor's reaction was calm, and he assured Farmer that he understood why they hadn't told him the truth, and promised that their secret would not be revealed.

"I know, dear..." Farmer thought Victor would be shocked, as they knew their hubby is fan of their songs, but in the end it was Farmer who stood there with a surprised look. The spaghetti lover with his hunches found out information on the internet that helped him connect the dots, but he didn't want to confront his spouse on the subject, fearing that Farmer would mistake Victor for the same awful people who called themselves "true fans." Both spouses would have a long talk, sharing the truth. Victor made his own promise that he wouldn't tell anyone about Farmer's past career.

"Do you remember that when we first met, I told you I'd seen a part of your past?" And after those words, Farmer realised that Magnus had known about their singing career from the beginning. Why didn't he ask? It was none of his business to pry into their past, and if his lover wanted to tell they would. The wizard can't even imagine just living in an urban setting, so with a bunch of people following you around and interfering with your life. He also feels sorry that they associate Farmer's singing with bad emotions, because they have such a beautiful voice and are obviously happy when they are singing a song in the forest.

It seems Lance had heard of Farmer as a singer a few years ago when he arrived in Zuzu City as an ambassador from his clan. Many people were jumping in excitement about Farmer's new song, but the gallant adventurer genuinely understands why they left. Sometimes people can go overboard in their obsession with their idols. Of course, he will keep their secret, and if any of the fans show up on the doorstep of their farmhouse, Lance has promised his spouse to protect them and teleport the unwanted guests (first just away, and then - into a pile of manure if they get pushy).

SDV/SVE bachelorettes:

"You mean... Wait, really?" Honestly, Maru hadn't expected this turn of events. The young inventor had heard Farmer's songs spinning on the radio, even though she wasn't a strong fan of their music genre ("Sorry hon"). After Farmer decided there was nothing to hide and shared about their career and the reason for their retirement, Maru was horrified. So the scar on Farmer's arm was put there... by fans?! That's terrible. Maru consoled her spouse as best she could and promised to keep their secret.

Farmer realised what they'd said out loud and lightning-fast covered their already excited Abigail's mouth with their hand, who had said more than once that she was a big fan of this particular singer (Farmer, as it turned out). Before the purple-haired girl could do anything about it, her spouse dragged her away from one spot and explained why they were leaving. "Oh shit... Those people are just bastards." And she herself had almost blabbed to the whole town know about... "You okay, love?" Farmer is much better since they have found happiness and family in Stardew Valley.

Penny is completely shocked to discover that her spouse is the one and only nationally famous singer. Farmer and their new look was completely unrecognisable. But not even just a new image, but they're much happier. The young teacher has heard many stories that under the pressure of managers and the crazy crowd Farmer was seen more like zombie. She was sorry to hear that her spouse had been through all that, and glad that they had found happiness and peace here, with her.

Haley already had some suspicions, as Farmer was not only the namesake of her favourite singer, but also looked similar, but did not voice her guesses aloud. When her lover had accidentally blabbed about this, and had already decided to reveal their secret on such an occasion, Haley just thanked them for their trust in her. Previously, she would not have understood how it is possible to give up the glamorous life of a beloved pop star, but she realised that life with dependence on caffeine, under the fear of crazy fans and people who are only interested in money from concerts, is not a life but a living hell.

Emily's eyes shone with joy at what she heard. Her wonderful spouse was that talented singer, whose songs the blue-haired girl loved to dance to on Valley's festivals and at other times when she felt full of energy. However, immediately she became sad, as she knew why the singer left the stage, so many toxic people and negative aura around them were... Emily in no way wants Farmer to think she's like one of those fans either, and promised to keep their secret.

Well, Leah guessed, since besides the similarity in appearance and the fact that the last name and surname of her spouse and singer are the same, Farmer came almost as soon as they left their singing career. Aloud she did not voice it, as she considered it unnecessary to "pry" from her spouse the truth and understood where such paranoia in keeping the secret. Hundreds or even thousands of people, like her ex, or even worse, who follow you... Brrr! She comforted Farmer and assured them that she would take their secret to the grave. And if someone does find out, she has plenty of sculpting tools to fend off her spouse from the "fans"...

So Lewis telling Olivia about Farmer being a former clerk at Joja was just a cover so people wouldn't recognise them? Makes sense, or else her and Farmer's home would be overflowing with crazy fans carousing for their idol. Although Olivia herself isn't much of a fan of their music style, her spouse's voice is truly beautiful when she listened them. City life, especially for a famous person, can get very exhausting, so Olivia truly understands their secrecy and reluctance to discuss the past. And yes, she will keep that secret, promise 💖

"Wait, is it true? You really are-" Scarlett jumped up on the spot, not believing her ears. Her dearest Farmer is the famous lead singer from her favourite music band! She loves listening to their albums while she's busy sewing a new costume for the comicon and- wait. The same singer who quit their career because of crazy 'fans'. "Oh, man.... I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Even though Farmer assures her it's okay, Scarlet feels a little shitty because they were standing in the middle of a public square in the city, and if anyone heard her joyful shriek.

Of course, Claire raised her eyebrows in surprise as Farmer told her that they had worked as an accountant at Joja before, and here was a whole five year career as a singer, and such a talented and popular one at that. It was only when the cashier wanted to question why her spouse had hidden it that she recalled the "incident" with fans that almost cost Farmer their life. "I'm sorry about that..." Still, Claire is glad Farmer was able to get away from it all and found happiness in farming.

Sophia's eyes widened slightly in surprise and the dots connected in her head. Her lover came to Stardew Valley at the same time as the famous and much-loved singer (whose song played in her favourite anime!) retired. The girl is sorry to hear that Farmer had to endure so many horrible incidents in their career as a singer, as breaking into their home or fans trying to kidnap them despite the security.... She dreaded to imagine what it had been like for them. Sophia, instead of jumping for joy that it's one of her favourite singers, silently hugs Farmer.