#but just every song he sang is gonna go on my playlist

[saysammydandy]

Taesan's voice is sooo pretty. I found it amusing that he says he loves hard rock but then he chose the sweetest heartfelt songs to perform.

[somethinginthewayiam]

The girl behind the bar (Part 3)

pairing: Jake Hangman Seresin x plus-size reader

warnings: banter, fluffy Jake (if you squint)

words: 3.3k

Summary: Jake brings a date to the bar and she is not, well, the nicest person alive. Which is kind of expected of him but still annoying. Thankfully, Maverick convices Penny to close the bar early to sneak off and you close up. You start singing along to your playlist while you cleaned up, thinking you're alone at the bar...

a/n: The songs used in this chapter are Blue Eyes Forever by Charlotte OC and Ceilings by Lizzie McAlpine, if you want to listen to them while you read.

Link to my masterlist

"Can I play something for you, Darlin'?", Jimmy asked on his way to the storage room, passing the Jukebox. The bar had just opened and you and Jimmy were holding down the fort until Penny was supposed to come in later that evening.

"Could I have some Hall & Oates, please?", you mentioned with a smile. "I got you", the old man smiled and pressed some buttons on the old machine.

You make my dreams come true started playing.

"Oh Jimmy, you know me too well", you cooed at him, betting your eyelashes and shooting him a smile.

You started to sing along to yourself while you polished some glasses and put the beer from the box into the cooler. As you were crouched down, you didn't see a new patron approaching the bar.

"You make my dreams come true", you sang as you got up and suddenly found yourself face to face with a grinning Hangman.

"Only if you're a good girl", he said, accompanied with a cocky smile. "Barf", you said dryly and rolled your eyes.

You checked the big clock on the wall behind him. 5:10 PM. "It’s Tuesday, do you not have a job?", you simply asked.

"So, just anybody can give you a nickname but me?", he ignored your question and asked his own. For a second, you didn't know what he meant, but then you remembered that Jimmy had called you Darling just before. You were already so used to him calling you that.

"By god, she's got it! Good job, Eliza Doolittle", you mockingly cheered him on, booping his nose with your finger. He flicked your finger away like it was an annoying fly.

“What can I get you?”, you asked him. “The usual”, he simply stated and put his credit card on the counter, his typical sign to open his tab for the night. “So, a Tet-shot and the morning after pill for whoever fell for your bullshit?”, you suggested and gave him the sweetest smile. “What do you think of me?”, he asked playfully shocked, a hand on his chest.

“Only the worst”, you told him as you put the bottle of beer in front of him and the smile on your lips took the harshness out of your words. He shot you another wink as he grabbed his drink and left for the darts board.

You hated to admit it, even just to yourself, but your shift was always more fun when Hangman was around. Someone to look out for, someone to be excited to see. That this was all just one-sided wasn't even a question to you. Every time you felt that way about someone, as annoying as they might be, it was always one-sided. And even on the off chance it wasn't, you never dared to ask and nobody ever came forward. So, as always, you shot him another glance and kept on working.

Later that evening, the others arrived at the bar, too, as always gathering at the pool table. You brought over a trey of beers that the group had ordered.

"There you go. Phoenix, Fanboy, Bob, Coyote, and Eliza", you said as you placed the last beer in front of Hangman.

Fanboy almost did a spit-take as he had just taken a sip of his drink. "Excuse me, what?", Phoenix asked and she didn't do a great job at suppressing her laughter.

"Just a little inside joke we got, don't we, Lizzie?", you turned to Hangman. He chose to remain silent but the look he gave you let you know that you were gonna pay for that joke at some point.

But for now, you took the win of shutting him up.

For a Wednesday night it was surprisingly full at the bar and Jimmy was not in after requesting a sick-day. You and Penny had your hands fulfilling all the orders. Even though you had some practice by now, you were still lacking in speed compared to Penny.

You spotted your usual group at a table in the middle of the bar, letting other people play pool for once. But you noticed that Hangman was missing tonight. It was odd to you, but you didn’t think much of it.

Until he came in at around half past 9 with a tall blonde on his arm. She was dressed in an expensive-looking short dress and looked totally out of place between the khaki uniforms and informal clothing on all the other patrons. She looked like the type country club, my daddy bought me a horse for Christmas kind of girl. The Hard Deck was clearly Hangman’s idea, who was not wearing his khaki uniform for once but a black pair of jeans and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. If you didn’t already know him as part of the bar’s interior, you would also find his appearance here out of place.

Your eyes followed the pair to the table of Hangman’s colleagues, his date getting introduced to the others. They all exchanges polite smiles and hellos. When the woman sat down, she let her eyes wander over the place, looking a little disgusted. You could tell that this was not the place she thought the night would bring her to. She took off her cardigan and hung it over the back of her chair before she even attempted to lean back.

There was no use of prolonging the wait, you would have to get over there to take their order. Also, the glasses of the others looked rather empty as well. You took a deep breath and walked over to the full table.

“Welcome to the Hard Deck. What can I get you?”, you welcomed the woman and smiled at her politely. She looked up at you with an annoyed face. Her eyes let you know where your place in her world was. You were the help.

“Do you have anything here that costs more than 10 dollars?”, she asked and the tone in her voice could only be described as disgusted. “I can sell you everything for at a least twenty if you prefer it”, you commented, trying to knock her ego down a peg. It wasn’t like you didn’t have any practice with Hangman.

You heard some suppressed chuckles from the others but kept your eyes on Hangman’s date. “Excuse me? You better watch your tone or I’ll will have to talk to your manager”, she snapped at you. And she couldn’t take a joke. Great taste, Hangman.

You swallowed and took a moment to calm yourself before you spoke again. “I apologize. We have a very good Chardonay you might like, Karen”, you said to her instead but couldn’t help yourself at the end. Another round of chuckles behind you. “My name is not Karen, it’s Whitney”, she told you and her tone got more indignant. She looked over at Hangman, looking for support of her outrage.

“She will have the Chardonay and I’ll have a beer, please”, he said, ignoring his date. You nodded and then turned to the others. They ordered another round of drinks and you basically fled towards the bar.

Penny was overrun by a new group that had just entered the bar and you helped her out before you prepared the drinks for the table and brought them over there.

“Here’s your Chardonay”, you said and placed the glass of wine in front of the woman. “About time”, she only mumbled, no Thank you or even eye-contact. Lovely girl, you thought to yourself.

“Here’s your beer”, you placed the bottle in front of Hangman. “Thank you, Y/N”, he said and shot you a smile. You looked at him a little weirded out. The please before was already a little out of character for him.

“What?” he asked innocently. “Nothing, you’re just weirdly nice”, you simply said and kept placing the drinks in front of the guys. “I’m always nice”, he countered and a little mischievous glimpse was back in his eyes as he followed your round around the table. “Oh yeah, I’m always so touched by the empathy you display every time you’re here”, you said and put a hand over your heart, pouting your lips, holding the empty trey in your free hand and letting it hang down your side.

Whitney watched your exchange with a watchful eye and put her hand on his thigh, seemingly displaying some sort of ownership. “Do you come here often, Jakey?”, she asked the man to her left, a warning tone in her voice not to say the wrong thing. Whatever that may be. You and Phoenix exchanged a glance over the heads of the others, both of you biting down a smile.

“No, Darling, only when these knuckleheads drag me here. They can’t have fun without me”, Jake told her and she seemed satisfied with his answer. “We drag him here?”, Coyote whispered to Payback, who was sitting right in front of where you stood.

“It’s true, he’s not here often, but he certainly leaves an impression”, you chimed in before anyone could say something. Hangman looked up at you and you couldn’t tell if he was waiting for you to say something compromising or silently thanking you for having his back in this lie.

“Alright, just yell for me if you need anything else”, you said and finally left their table. It was getting uncomfortable and you were glad that you had a good reason to get out of there. After looking at some of the faces of the guys you could tell that they were just as uncomfortable.

“Come on, Penny. We’ll just sneak out of here”, you heard Maverick say as you came back to the bar circle. “I can’t just leave, not when it’s that packed”, you heard your boss answer but the tone of her voice let you know that she actually wanted to.

“I can finish the evening”, you just entered their conversation and they both shot up like they were planning some secret mission. “No, you can’t handle this many people on your own”, Penny said and took a look at the still pretty well filled bar. “No offense”, she quickly added. “None taken, you’re probably right”, you said and scanned the bar as well. “But you can close early”, you suggested.

“That’s right”, Maverick agreed and you both looked at Penny with raised eyebrows. Your boss looked at your faces and chewed her bottom lip. “It’s your place, you run the show”, Maverick added. You nodded agreeingly. You also wouldn’t mind to get off early. “I’ll clean up, I can definitely manage that”, you offered. “She’ll clean up”, Maverick repeated. Penny contemplated for a few more moments, then she sighed defeatedly.

“Okay, I’ll close early”, she gave in and you and Maverick high-fived. Penny walked over to the bell and rang it. “Last call!”, she shouted and a common groan erupted from the crowd. “Alright, settle down. It’s still my bar”, she added and waved off their protests.

While you were handing out the last drinks of the night, Penny asked repeatedly if you were okay to close up on your own and you waved it off. “I’m working here, aren’t I? And I have to learn sometime. You don’t always want to stay ‘til last call, don’t you?”, you said. She answered you with a smile and handled the register.

When everybody was finally out and Penny had left with Mav, you were suddenly alone. It was weirdly quiet compared to before when the room was filled with people. So, you took out your phone and put on your Spotify playlist while you started to clean up.

You collected glasses and bottles from all over the place. You even found a cardigan on the chair that Hangman’s date was sitting on. You grabbed it to put it behind the bar for when she came back for it. It was a warm night though, so she probably wouldn't notice right away. The urge to wipe the counter with it was almost overwhelming. Instead of following the urge, you placed it somewhere safe as it looked expensive and was probably worth more than your month’s salary.

You continued cleaning up and started to sing along to the song that was currently playing. It was Blue Eyes Forever by Charlotte OC, one of your favorites.

“But when we talk in the middle, in the middle of the night. Oh, we get closer every time. But when we meet in the middle, I feel the clarity rise. Oh, it moves over, straight from your eyes”, you sang as you put the glasses in the basket for the dishwasher. It wasn’t like singing Karaoke with friends or the impromptu concert with Rooster a couple of weeks ago. You got really into it since you were all alone and nobody could hear you.

“Blue eyes forever, oh oh oh. Blue eyes forever, oh oh oh”, you kept singing and grabbed the dishtowel to wipe down the counter

“I actually have green eyes”, you heard from the door and you jumped in surprise. You spun around to where the voice had come from only to find Jake Hangman Seresin of all people standing there.

Shit, did he hear you sing? He must have. Why else would he say that?

“Jesus Christ, you scared me”, you said as you put a hand over your heart that was racing like crazy. You turned away from him again, seemingly to finish wiping off the counter and putting the damp towel back in the small sink behind the bar. You mostly needed a moment to collect yourself. You felt so embarrassed that he had heard you sing. You thought you were all alone for the rest of the night, singing like you only did when you thought no one would hear you.

You heard his steps coming closer, resting his underarms on the bar top when he arrived across from where you were standing. You turned down the music on your phone.

“You have a beautiful voice”, he said and as much as you looked for it in his face, you couldn’t find any hint of mockery. Hangman and an honest compliment? Were you in the Upside Down?

“Thanks”, you said, still startled, and blushed a bit. “What are you doing here? We’re closed”, you asked, still in disbelief that he was nice to you. “My date forgot her cardigan”, he finally disclosed why he was back here so soon. “Ah, and she doesn’t put out if she doesn’t have her precious cardigan?”, you said and a smile creeped on your face, revealing the joke. “The chances are better with it”, he answered, also with a smile, indicating that he wasn’t here purely out of a gentlemanly gesture.

“I’ve got it here”, you said and walked the few steps over to where you put it for safe keeping. You handed him the garment and when he took it from you, his fingertips brushed along your fingers. You were sure he didn’t even notice it, but it sent an electric jolt up your arm.

As soon as he had it in his hand, you pulled your arm back, putting your other hand over the one Jake had just touched, folding it in front of you. Your fingers still tingled. You almost rolled your eyes at yourself for this stupid reaction.

“Thank you”, he said, glad that it hadn’t got lost somewhere else. “Now you can be her knight in shining armor when you bring back her precious cardigan”, you said with a chuckle and grabbed the broom from behind you. You came around the bar to sweep up the peanut shells that were scattered all over the floor. “And you’re Cinderella?”, he asked jokingly, nodding at the broom. “Yeah, well, there are other balls, I’ll dance another time”, you said with a shrug of your shoulders and a light smile.

Jake looked at you for a moment before he lifted his hand for a goodbye. “I’ll see you around, have a good night”, he said. “Yeah, you too”, you answered.

You didn’t wait for him to leave the room, you turned around and turned the music louder on your phone again. Your playlist had kept playing while you talked to Jake. Now it played Ceilings by Lizzie McAlpine, a slow song. The mood to sing along was gone anyway, you were too afraid someone else would show up again.

You started moving the broom over the floor but you only managed to get about three sweeps in before you felt a hand on your shoulder. When you looked up, it was Jake again. Without saying a word, he took the broom out of your hands and leaned it against the bar.

He grabbed your right hand with his left and put his right hand on your lower back. You looked at him with big eyes, too stunned to speak.

“You get your dance now, Cinderella”, he winked at you and started to sway you to the slow music. With his hand on your back, he pushed you closer to him and slowly moved both of you in a circle.

You were aware of every single spot where your bodies touched, beginning with his big, warm hand clasping yours. You were afraid he could hear how fast your heart was pounding.

He removed his hand from your back only to have you spin around which made you giggle lightly and then pull you back in, even closer this time. He put his hand which was holding yours against his chest, pulling your arm with his. He put his hand on top of yours which meant your hand was placed directly on his heart. You felt how hard his peck was beneath his shirt and swallowed. You looked up only to find those green eyes of his looking down at you. He held your gaze while he moved your bodies slowly from side to side. His hand on your back slid a little lower but you almost didn’t notice it because you were so hypnotized by his eyes. Almost.

“Bedsheets, no clothes. Touch me like nobody else does” came out of the speakers of your phone and you suddenly became very aware of the lyrics of the song. It made you swallow hard. You wanted to look away but you couldn’t. Did he notice the lyrics, too?

His fingertips felt like they were burning through your shirt, leaving permanent marks on your skin. Instinctively, you licked your lips. Jakes eyes darted down to your mouth and back up to your eyes. He seemed lost in thought for a moment.

You both got snapped out of your stare as the broom fell over and hit the floor with a loud bang.

As soon as the moment had come, it was over again. The song drained out as the two of you stopped moving. Like you were both snapping back to reality, you let go of each other.

You opened your mouth and inhaled to say something but you didn’t know what, so you closed it again. Was a Thank you appropriate? Did that mean anything? Did he just want to be nice? But Hangman wasn’t nice. Your head was spinning as all kinds of thoughts invaded your brain.

Hangman looked at you for a second longer, then turned around, grabbed his date’s cardigan off the bar top and left the bar for good this time.

With shaky hands you grabbed the broom off the floor and held on to it for dear life. Your heart was still pounding rapidly. You weren’t even sure if it had actually happened or if it was just a day-dream of yours if it wasn’t for the hand you still felt on your back like an echo. That was something you couldn’t dream up.

Next chapter: Part 4.1

[mopopshop]

Ur Best Friend

Inspired by the song “Ur Best Friend” - Kehlani and Kiana Ledé (such a good song oml 🙏🏾) 

Paige x fem!OC (cause ion do that y/n stuff, no hate but I don’t🧍🏾‍♀️)

Featuring: Jalen Suggs

Words: 2k

Themes: 

-drinking

-cheating (sorry fam)

-slight sexual content

As the sun began to set, casting a warm golden hue over the backyard, the atmosphere buzzed with anticipation. It was my boyfriend Jalen's twenty-third birthday, and I had spared no effort in planning the perfect party. A few weeks earlier, we’d just celebrated our five months, so I had to have a party to top the last. The decorations were up, the music playlist carefully curated (tons of Rod Wave and Bryson Tiller), and the scent of food filled the air.

Among the guests was Paige, Jalen's best friend since eighth grade. I've always been cordial with her, exchanging polite smiles and casual conversation whenever she was around. But something had shifted in the past few weeks. A subtle tension lingered between us, sparking whenever our eyes met, igniting something unfamiliar yet exhilarating.

She'd gotten more touchy with me as well, a hand on the lower back and a hushed "excuse me" to get past, a casual arm over the shoulder during group hangouts, a hug or two, but up until a few weeks ago, I'd seen these as nothing less than innocent.

She's a friend, you know? Jalen's friend at that, so no way in hell I'd ever try anything with her. Not to say she's not, you know... good-looking. She'd 100% be my type if it wasn't for Jalen. Paige's tall, she's blonde, she's funny, has a nice smile—did I mention tall? Sometimes she wears these glasses which make her look—

"Aniyah!!"

I'm pulled from my thoughts as my friend Gigi waves me over to her.

"Come on, we're about to sing happy birthday," she smiles and rushes over to me, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the kitchen.

As I followed Gigi into the kitchen, my heart skipped with something unfamiliar upon seeing her. Paige was already there, chatting with a few other guests and standing next to Jalen. She was wearing a grey Nike tech sweatsuit under the jacket, a white tee, her classic braided ponytail, and topped off the look with white Jordan 4’s.

As I moved through the crowd, I couldn't help but steal glances at her. At times, we made eye contact which deepened the flush in my cheeks.

I’d told Jalen earlier that week that I wanted to toast to him before we sang for the cake, and I’d prepared something ahead of time, but now as the moment approached, something about it just hadn’t felt right. In the midst of my thinking, I don’t notice Jalen coming up to me with open arms.

“Hey baby, you good?” He says with a look of worry.

I’m startled by the sound of his voice and am quickly ripped from my thoughts.

“Hey! Yeah yeah I’m fine… just hoping you like my toast,” I breathe out, praying he doesn’t press the issue.

He smiles and says nothing, placing his hand on the small of my back and directing me towards the front of the crowd… towards Paige.

I lock eyes with Paige again and I rush to look away, but as I go to look back, I notice she’s still staring.

What was this tension between us? And why was it becoming harder to ignore?

Gigi nudged me playfully, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Girl what is going on with you today, you gonna do this toast or what?”

With a deep breath, I grab my shot glass and get everyone’s attention.

“Hey y’all, before we sing happy birthday, I just wanted to make a toast to my man. Tonight, let's raise our glasses to celebrate Jalen's 23rd birthday. Jalen, you're more than just a boyfriend; you're my rock.”

Even as I say these words and the more I go on, I don’t feel as though they’re genuine. All I can do is think of Paige…

“Your kindness, strength, and passion inspire me every day. Your laughter lights up any room, and your presence warms my heart. Here's to another year of smiles, laughter, and adventures together. Happy birthday, Jalen! Cheers!”

I tip my head back and down the shot, feeling the lukewarm liquid burn its way through my throat. Bringing my head up, I catch Paige’s gaze once again, and this time I don’t look away.

Suddenly my view of her is obscured as a group of Jalen’s friends come from the hallway with his birthday cake. Everyone gathers around Jalen, me on his right side and Paige on his left while Jalen holds the cake in the middle. We quickly sing happy birthday, and he blows out his candles. He turns to me to go in for a kiss, but I catch sight of Paige behind him and end up swerving his kiss.

“Yo.. seriously you good babe?” Jalen spews sort of irritated.

“Fine! I’m fine,” I squeak out, “Just…”

My gaze falls over to Paige, seeing her fight back a smile or maybe a chuckle at the sight of me rejecting Jalen’s kiss.

“… distracted.”

“Uh.. cool, okay,” I see him look to his friend group.

“I’m just gonna go and talk with the boys for a minute,” and he presses a brief kiss to my cheek.

“Have fun!” I turn around and try to yell over the music, but I can tell he’s already forgotten about me.

When I look back, I see Paige again. She makes prolonged eye contact then trails her eyes to the porch outside. Cocking her head towards the door as if to say “let’s talk out here” and promptly turns around and heads out the back doors.

I wait a few minutes before heading out to follow her because as much as I long to talk with her, I’m not trying to look desperate. Slowly but surely, I make my way over to the doors, pushing them open to see Paige leaning with her forearms on the railing.

“What are you following me out here for?” Paige teases turning her head with a smirk. I laugh quietly, not knowing how to continue the conversation.

She stands up straight, turning around to face me, leaning her back on the railing, crossing her feet and arms.

“You're trying to be shy so bad, get your ass over here,” She laughs.

I throw my hands up defensively, my voice pitching up a little bit, “I’m not being shy! I just don’t know what to say right now.”

Paige reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me entirely too close to her. “You don’t have to be so weird, it’s just me,” she says softly while caressing my fingers.

“I just- I.. I don’t know! Everything’s just so complicated right now,” I confess.

“Well talk to me about it,” she continues caressing my fingers, which makes it increasingly hard to think straight.

“I can’t.”

“Why not, mamas?”

That god damn nickname.

“I can’t because it’s about you.”

“What about me?”

“I can’t say! I just- it’s like- If I say how I really feel about.. you know everything, It’s gonna be real, and I’m not sure if I want it to be real.”

“Ma, you’re not making any sense right now.”

“I know!” I throw my hands up in frustration, I feel hot and flustered, and Paige being less than two feet from me isn’t making it any better.

Paige grabs my chin, bringing me closer and forcing eye contact.

“Hey, hey, look at me. Seriously breathe through it, you’re okay,” She says calming me down. “Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

I take a deep breath and back away from Paige slightly, letting the word vomit take its course.

“Every time I see you, my heart races, and my palms get all sweaty. I try to play it cool, you know. But let's be real, I am desperate. Desperate to talk to you, to be near you, to just be in your presence. And when I finally gather the courage to make my way over to you, my knees feel like jelly, and my words get all jumbled up. But you! You just stand there with that smirk on your face, teasing me, and you know you have this effect on me, you love it. I know you do.

And then you show up to Jalen’s party, making all the faces and giving me ‘fuck me’ eyes, and it’s just- it’s a lot to deal with! So I come out here to shut it down, but you make it so fucking hard by pulling me closer, rubbing my fingers and shit, making it impossible for me to think straight. And then by asking me what's on my mind, what's bothering me, you’ve become a better partner to me in ten minutes than Jalen ever has in these past five months.

And I know I should just spill my heart out to you, which I quite literally am doing right now, and tell you how I feel and hope for the best. But it's not that simple. I am scared, scared of losing you, of ruining our friendship, of making things awkward between us. But I can't help the way I feel, Paige. I just feel like the biggest asshole for doing this to Jalen because even though he’s not the best boyfriend, he’s still a good guy. I don’t know…”

I take a deep breath after that, looking at Paige’s face for any sign of disgust.

“Aniyah, I…” she starts.

“See, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I told you it was stupid! I knew you didn’t feel the same, and I opened my mouth anyways,” I quickly backtrack.

“Paige, I’m sorry, I’m just acting all crazy because Gigi’s birthday dinner's in a few days, and I have an early exam tomorrow, just super busy with things! Again, so sorry I-“

I’m quickly cut off by the feeling of Paige’s lips crashing onto mine and her arms wrapping around my waist.

“Don’t apologize for anything,” she breathes out in between kisses.

After a good minute or two of deep kisses, we break apart with our foreheads touching. I bring my arms around her neck while hers stay around my waist, rubbing the material of my black mini dress.

The air around us feels charged with electricity as we stand there, our breaths mingling in the warm night air. Paige's touch sends shivers down my spine, and I find myself lost in the moment, forgetting everything else except her and the connection between us.

"Aniyah," Paige whispers, her voice barely audible over the distant hum of music and chatter from the party.

"Yeah?" I respond softly, my heart still racing from the intensity of our kiss.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," she admits, her blue eyes searching mine for any sign of hesitation or regret.

“Same,” I smile, and we both laugh.

“This… this is not a good idea,” I sigh out.

“Probably,” she jokes. “But I really wanna kiss you again, so maybe let’s have this conversation in the morning,” Paige tilts her head back down to kiss me again.

I squeal, “Paige! Hold on, Jalen’s still here. So is literally everyone else.”

“C’monnn.. Jalen’s probably blacked out or cross-faded by now. Let’s just sneak past everybody…” She leans down, kissing up my neck.

“I… Paige..” I breathe out.

“Hm?”

“Seriously.. hold on two seconds. Just let me check on him.”

She rolls her eyes sassily, gripping my waist again, “Fine.”

I pull her hands off my waist, interlocking our fingers and dragging her with me back into the house full of drunken young adults. We continue to weave our way through the house finally getting to the room packed full of loud frat guys, including Jalen.

As Paige predicted, Jalen’s 6’3 self passed out on the couch surrounded by his friends in equal states.

“I fuckin’ told you dude,” Paige nudges me with her elbow.

“Shut up!” I laugh turning around and pushing her back slightly.

She grips my wrist, pulling me into her body. “Now can we…? You know..” she says smirking.

I burst out laughing, “Yes! Jesus, you—horndog.”

“The fuck is a horndog, bruh?” She replies chuckling.

“Girl I don’t know! And by the way, don’t call me ‘bruh’ when you’re trying to shove your fingers ins-“

Slapping a hand over my mouth, “Okay okay!”

We both laugh to ourselves as we stumble up the stairs with our mouths attached, bumping into walls and pictures along the way. Finally reaching my room and falling through the doorway.

[aniesvision]

𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 | 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝟒

𐂂 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝚏! 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 "𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒚", 𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒖𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒆𝒙, 𝒊𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍

𝚊/𝚗: 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚'𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕... 𝒐𝒉 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍. 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎ | 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕 ☺︎︎

𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝟒 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

-Taste. -I say, putting the spoon in front of Chris's face, who looks at it strangely at first, but does as I say.

I look at his reaction to see if it's good or bad and he nods in affirmation, saying it's good. I put the spoon in the sink and returned to my spot, seeing a bit of sauce in the boy's mouth.

-There's sauce in your mouth. -I say, looking at the pan again.

-Why were you looking at my mouth?

He runs his finger along his lips, wiping off the sauce and looking at me with a sarcastic smile. I was about to reply, but the sauce started to bubble in the pan and I turned off the heat. I finished making the pasta while the boy looked at me and we sat down at the table.

-It's good. -He says, after putting his fork full in his mouth.

-Of course it's good, I made it. -I say, doing the same as him.

-I helped, so the credit goes to me. -The brunette replies, running a hand through his hair.

After we were done eating, I took our plates and put them in the sink, looking at the time before going back to Spotify to find a playlist and wash the dishes.

-I'll do it. -Chris pushes me away from the sink and I look at him confused.

He was usually the one chosen to wash the dishes in the house since he and his brothers live together and all had roles, but he NEVER did it.

Every time I was here I did it myself, I couldn't stand to see the piles of dirty dishes and I didn't want to listen to Nick and Matt complaining to Chris about it anymore, I didn't mind doing it to be honest.

What really surprised me was that he actually started washing the dishes. That was rare for me, and I didn't have anything better to do anyway, so I put on Dominic Fike's song Photo ID with Remi Wolf and left my phone propped up next to me.

-You're just gonna look? -Chris asks, annoyed.

-Yep. -I said, simply.

He rolls his eyes but doesn't answer. I turned my body, moving away a little and resting my arms on the counter. I rest my face in my hands and moved my body, dancing lightly to the song, which was one of my favorites.

I sang along, shaking my head and then heard laughter.

-You look like one of those tube mans. -He looks at me, still laughing.

-Why don't you stop being annoying for a second? -I ask, raising my body and crossing my arms.

-Why don't you stop being annoying and ridiculous for a second? -He fights back, putting the clean dishes in their proper places.

-Wow, you're that upset that you didn't go on your date, huh? Is it so hard to find someone who wants to go out with you? You seem a bit young to be so grumpy. -I said, looking at him with a sarcastic smile, which he returned.

-I'm not upset, I'll go out with whoever I want whenever I want. -He shrugs, starting to walk out of the kitchen.

-Not with her, tho, you said yourself that she wouldn't want to go out with you after that. -I raise an eyebrow, starting to feel stressed by his stupid behavior.

-You're pathetic, Chris, you just use these girls to say you've fucked them and then discard them, that doesn't sound like something to be proud of. -I speak louder, so that he hears, and he stops in his tracks, looking at me with an annoyed face.

This is going to be fun.

-I don't use anyone, they all fucked with me because they wanted to, I'm not obliged to commit to any of them. Don't make me look like an asshole as if you know anything.

He walks towards me, pointing his finger in my face.

-I know enough, and I know that you probably didn't even tell the truth or at least make a decent excuse for the girl you were going to see today.

I took a step forward, bringing us closer together and looking into his eyes, so that he could be sure I was ready to fight back if I needed to.

-Why do you care so much about her? Or anyone I've ever been with really? Are you having troubles in paradise with your dear Matt? -He does the same as me, not breaking eye contact.

-Matt and I have nothing, we're just friends, he and Nick locked us in here because they think we like each other, which is ridiculous, but you really need to start paying more attention. Matt isn't my boyfriend, and even if he was I wouldn't talk about the two of us with you. -I grimace and Chris looks at me curiously.

All the irritation seemed to have gone in a second and now all there was was confusion. Looking at him like that just made me confused too, it's not as if I'd said something surprising.

-Wow. Okay. Calm down. -He says, losing his angry pose and moving away.

I follow his gaze as he nervously runs his hand through his hair, leaning against the wall next to me.

-What do you mean they locked us in here because they think we like each other? And what do you mean you and Matt aren't dating? I thought you'd basically assumed something yesterday. -He asks, looking genuinely confused.

This boy can't be that slow.

It's lucky for him that I've learned to be patient with Matthew, or he'd be even more lost right now.

-Nick and Matt have this weird theory that we both like each other and that's why we keep arguing. Yesterday they were acting differently, exchanging glances, and Matt was more affectionate towards me, I hadn't connected the dots before but when you woke me up and said that they locked us in here I understood that they had a plan to bring us "together".

I explain, gesturing with my hands and as soon as I've finished saying everything, I grimace again. The next time I bump into Nick and Matt, I'm sure I'll give them a good slap in the face.

Chris looks up, not answering anything for a few seconds, but then he starts laughing, leaving me confused.

-If those two think we're going to kiss or something just because we're locked in here, they're out of their minds. -He says.

-I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I agree with you. -I replied, shaking my head in denial.

This was strange, worse than strange, embarrassing to an absurd degree.

So, without waiting for this conversation to be over, I set off in the direction of the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I looked at the time on my phone one more time to see if time was running out, but it was still 2pm and I knew that Nick and Matt were going to take a while longer to get back.

I walked to the living room, sat down on the couch and put on some series to watch. Unfortunately, after five episodes I was already bored to death and not even scrolling through my tiktok's for you was giving me enough entertainment.

I took a deep breath and walked down the stairs to Chris's bedroom door.

The door was closed, but when I turned the handle I realized it wasn't locked, so I quickly opened it to find the boy lying on his bed face up with his phone in his hands.

-What the fuck? Don't you know how to knock? I could be naked. -He says as soon as he hears the door close behind me.

I roll my eyes and walk over to his bed, sitting down in the middle of it and watching him look at me in confusion.

-I'm bored. -I say, shrugging and watching him put his phone away and sit up, leaving us face to face.

-And what's that got to do with me? -He asks, with an arched eyebrow.

-Pissing you off is funny. -I answer, as if it were obvious, and laugh as he just pushes me with his hand, trying to get me to leave, but giving up when he sees that I don't intend to move.

-You're so annoying. -The boy says, leaning on the headboard and stretching out his feet.

-It's a shame, unfortunately I'm your only option today. -I sit down next to him, pick up the tv remote from the nightstand and turn it on.

-You're never an option, not even today, I just won't kick you out because they've taken the keys and I can't lock it and I know you'd come back anyway. -He complains, making me laugh harder.

-Would you rather be on your date? -I ask, sarcastically, turning on SpongeBob.

-Not really. -The boy replies, crossing his legs.

-Aw, did she break up with you already? -I tease. He was the one complaining about not being able to go just a few hours ago.

-If you want to know if I'm single just ask. -He replies, with a smirk that makes me roll my eyes and turn my head to pay attention to the tv.

But honestly what could possibly be a better entertainment than pissing him off until Nick and Matt come back?

-Are you? -I ask, nonchalant, not even looking at him.

-I am. Are you? -He asks back, not even hiding the amused expression.

-I am, but depends on who's asking. If it was someone I was not interested in I'd just tell him I'm stuck in a house with some other dude. -I look at him with a playful smile, teasing his situation.

-So if you're stuck in a house with this other dude you're not single? -He asks, looking back at me with an arched eyebrow and a curious/teasing smile.

-I am, but it depends on who's asking. -I repeat, making him finally surrender and roll his eyes.

I laugh at the interaction, going back to watching the cartoon on tv. This was one of the rarest times when Chris and I had a moment when we weren't really fighting, but just being ironic or sarcastic with each other.

But if there's one thing we're far from being, it's friends. We're not, never have been and never will be friends.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎

➪ @riowritesitall @mattsfavbigtitties @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @flower-sturns @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @sturnsxbitvh @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @slxtformatt @starnoirr @katie-tibo @sturnioloblues @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld @shaquilles-0atmeal @fratbrochrisgf @dayzeandhaze @sharkcat1928 @stellasturnzz @alexisxena @tara626353

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

I’ve finally reached a point where I can sit down and do some work on Ash’s game on my own. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Not only because his workflow is incredibly chaotic, but also his design is incredibly complex, far more complex than anything we work on at Rainy Day, but it’s fun to feel challenged again.

I’ve spent every night this week in Ash’s living room while he walks me through everything he has so far, sorting out the design and the mechanics, his ideas for the worlds, characters, storylines, objectives, and so on. Yet, it feels like we’ve only scratched the surface.

We work well together, but we’re also easily distracted, often going off on random tangents and talking about everything from our families to school years and childhood friends to experiences we’ve had or want to have; we talk about how fun it would be to have our own indie gaming company one day, if only we could focus on the actual game for longer than an hour at a time.

Last night a song came on that inspired a whole conversation about music and all the songs we used to sing the wrong lyrics to, and some he still sings wrong just to annoy Lex. We started playing a game where we’d give each other a random word or category and the other would have to play a song they liked that fit. At one point I asked him what his guilty pleasure song is.

“Oh, I have dozens of those,” he said, “uh, but the first one that comes to mind is The Boys of Summer.”

“Your guilty pleasure song is an 80’s song?” I was shocked considering the amount of shit he gives me for the majority of my playlist.

“No no no no,” he shook his head, “I should clarify. The original sucks.”

“Of course you think so.”

“Obviously. Okay, but the one I’m talking about is the cover of The Boys of Summer by The Ataris.

“I like the name, but I have no idea who that is,” I admitted.

He laughed as he pulled up the song and told me, “You’re either going to love this or hate it. I’m not sure which.” When he pressed play, all I could do was watch in awe as he shamelessly enjoyed the song, complete with hand motions, air guitar and lip syncing. At one point he leaned in and sang directly to me, “But I don’t understand what happened to our love. But baby when I get you back, I’m gonna show you what I’m made of!” And then he spun away and started dancing to the chorus.  

Before I had a chance to think too hard about whether he was trying to tell me something through the lyrics, he pulled me off the couch to join him. We sang and danced with everything we had until we collapsed onto the couch, out of breath and wiping tears from our eyes.

When we finally calmed down, he pointed at me, “Your turn. What’s your guilty pleasure song?”

“Oh god,” I covered my face, “I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this.”

“Tell me.” He demanded.

“Dancing With Myself by Generation X. I can’t hear it and not sing and dance around my apartment like an idiot.”

“Oh, I have got to see this!” He sat up excitedly to find the song and turn it on… and then cheered when I began clapping my hands to the beat… and then completely lost it and fell over laughing when I sang along with my eerily accurate Billy Idol impersonation.

It’s become one of my favorite things, making him laugh. He has about a dozen different laughs from a rush of air through his teeth, to an infectious giggle, to a loud belly laugh… but my favorite is when he’s laughing so hard that no sound comes out aside from a series of clicks until he finally catches his breath.

It’s so easy with him, to get out of my head, to just relax and be myself.

Not everything is easy, though. I keep telling myself that eventually my feelings will fade, that it will get easier to just be his friend and nothing more, but if anything, it’s getting more difficult. Sometimes when we’re together, all I can think about is sliding my hand over to rest it on his leg, or to pick up his hand and interlace our fingers, or to reach up and hold his face, turning it toward me so I can kiss him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about kissing him, his lips, his neck, that inch skin above his waistband that sometimes shows when his shirt rides up just enough, every part of him. Sometimes I let my eye contact linger just a little, desperate for him to give me a sign that he still feels the same way, but he never does. On some level, I’m grateful. It’s better this way. I’d only end up hurting him again.

I hear the front door open and close, bringing me out of my daydream and back to my computer screen. I look over what I’ve done so far to make sure I didn’t screw anything up while I drifted away.

A second later, I hear Dawn enter the room and flop onto my bed behind me and I glance at the clock, it’s only two.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Finished early. What are you doing? I thought you weren’t working on Fridays anymore.”

“I’m not. It’s just a side project I’m working on with Ash.”

“Ooooh I see.”

I roll my eyes and change the subject before she can inquire further. “So, why are you on my bed? What do you want?” As I say the words, I’m overcome by the feeling that we’ve done this before.

“For you to take a break and go do something with me." I'm antsy. "I’m antsy.” Her words come out like an echo from my own mind and my whole body feels fuzzy for a moment.

“Have we had this conversation before?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Hm. I’m having the weirdest déjà vu.”

“Maybe you’ve been staring at that screen too long. We should get out and do something.”

“What do you have in mind?”

I’m open to suggestions. “I’m open to suggestions.”

Weird. This conversation, the song playing through my speaker, Dawn laying on my bed, me at my computer… everything feels so familiar. “Where’s your boyfriend? Why aren’t you dragging him out?” Even as I ask the question, I know I’ve asked it before.

“He’s busy…” Having coffee with his ex-girlfriend. “Having coffee with his ex-girlfriend.”

Okay, I clearly need some fresh air, and she clearly needs my support right now, so I save my work, lock my computer, and spin around to face her. “Oh, that’s why you’re antsy. Okay, I can take a break, but let’s go outside. We can go for a jog, that’ll get your energy out.”

“Fine, I’ll go change.”

Prev // Deja vu // Next

[yyuangss-main]

❝ROMEO Y JULIETA — SPIDERVERSE HCS

summary ; you ask miguel to rate songs from romeo santos and aventura after finding out he was a fan of him. (headcanon from bailamos juntos)

pairing ; miguel o’hara x hispanic fem!reader (no specific race stated)

note ; 🫡 back to doing my job for us. i’m gonna write miguel a fic based off one of these songs some time aka whenever i get the urge to write a full fic.

obsesión ; ten out of ten

this is a classic. he likes it and listens to it in his free time. of course, really low because he doesn’t want anyone knowing. if he’s not singing it, he’ll just nod his head along to it. pretty much to all his songs from romeo and aventura, you see that he nods his head along to the beat if he’s not dancing or singing. likes to call obsesión aventura’s image but not their best song.

miguel is such a hater of the whole “hello?” or calling parts in general for any song. not just obsesión, but all songs that have that concept. he thinks it’s overused and annoying. so why does it have a solid ten off the bat? because somehow aventura just made it work really well.

he likes that the beat and the instrumental of the song is consistent. it’s what he looks for a lot for. definitely told you to sing judy santos’ part so he could be romeo and you said no. now he’s stuck being judy while you’re romeo.

mi corazoncito ; ten out of ten

this. this is the essence of aventura. he doesn’t care what anyone says, mi corazoncito is the best song from aventura. it’s also his favorite so he listens to it a bit more than the others. in fact, let the man listen to it on repeat and he’ll be fine.

mi corazoncito is the main song he plays whenever he’s hinting that he wants to dance with you. miguel thinks that he’s sneaky when pressing play on the song but you were watching him the whole time as he searched it up. he used to ask lyla to play it but then when she caught on his pattern, she started teasing him about it so now he does it on his own.

he makes you dance with him every time and he sings his favorite lyrics to you. pretty much lives to dance with you. miguel hasn’t said it but he thinks about you whenever this song comes on. it’s his favorite aventura song so please dance it with him.

enseñame a olvidar ; five out of ten

he gives you the biggest side eye when you play this. he hates the whole switch up from bachata to whatever that was in the end. yet he still has it in his playlist? he’s a big fan but can admit when a part isn’t good.

it’s not miguel’s top favorites but he can definitely pull through the song. if you wanna dance with him to it that’s fine with him. he’s just judging that you chose this song out of all the ones you could have picked.

sure, he thinks it’s decent. it’s sounds and feels like an aventura song. but like before, it’s the ending that really ruins the whole vibe for miguel. he thinks it has a great start, great beat, great lyrics, but that ending didn’t do it any justice. not his to go to choice if you ask him.

el malo ; seven out of ten

doesn’t like the laugh at the end. he thinks that there was no reason for that. in fact, any laugh romeo makes in the songs he’ll tell you that he doesn’t like it. he also doesn’t like the intro and the outro. he has literally stopped dancing when those parts come on.

if you guys are by yourselves, he’s quick to skip it when it gets close to the end. he just feels like those parts don’t match the song. he’s told you that before so you weren’t expecting a good rating for the song. though the beat and the way romeo sang is really why it’s in his list of songs and why he still listens to it.

if it’s played at bailes, he gives you a smile while nodding his head to the dance floor so you two can go dance it together. another song where he lowly sings it while focusing on all his screens in his office. sometimes hums it too. it’s catchy, but still has a seven regardless of how many times he listens to it.

un beso ; seven out of ten

an aventura classic. definitely is his top favorite it’s good who doesn’t like this song? play this at a party and everyone’s getting their partners. so pretty much, the only reason miguel took away three points is because they take forever to start singing. the ending also throws him off a little but you like it so he goes along with it.

he loves the lyrics a lot. he thinks they’re really romantic. which led him dedicating it to you once while you were dancing to it alone. told you that you were that woman for him in the song and laughed at how cute your reaction.

un beso is one of the songs he dances with you much closer. this one though, he likes having his arms around your waist with yours around his neck. leans down to your ear and sings a few parts of it. mentions several times that you’re the woman romeo’s singing about. he actually dances this way whenever you two are alone and his eyes are usually closed.

dile al amor ; ten out of ten

you saw him smile a bit when you started playing this song to know what his thoughts were. just turns to you and asks, “bailamos?” that’s if you’re already not dancing with the previous songs 🫡 because trust me, you were.

top five favorites and he likes it when you both start singing the song together. he spins you a lot when it plays. he prefers to have your back against his chest, sometimes just swaying to it when it plays.

he would say it’s somewhat of a comfort song even if the lyrics are contradicting your relationship with him. but it just makes miguel want to hold you and be glad that you’re with him. a classic that you could never go wrong with.

por un segundo ; eight out of ten

he’s not a big fan of the chorus part where they switch from bachata for a split second. that’s all he has an issue with cause it throws him off beat. it feels like it would have been better if it didn’t have it. only reason why he took of two points.

like dile al amor, this is another song where she spins you around a lot. told you once that the song would represent how he feels if he ever lost you for any reason. another song he would play to ask if you want to dance with him.

he’s (not) totally normal about the whole “recuerda, por un beso mi corazoncito tuvo un obsesion,” part. that’s his second reason as to why he told you romeo was better when he was in aventura. you know it’s his favorite part cause you’ll catch him singing the lyrics when he thinks no one his hearing him.

eres mia ; ten out of ten

this. this is the essence of romeo. eres mia is his number one song outside of the aventura era. you hear this playing at bailes or any kind of party most of the time. so you’ll tell him it’s overplayed just to see his reaction and he shrugs, “with good reason.”

he likes everything about it. even the english lyrics which he has expressed distaste for in other songs. he feels that it all goes well with one another. sometimes relaxes in his chair with it playing in the background.

that being said, miguel has eres mia on whenever he’s taking his break to dance with you. prefers to have you much closer to this song. rolls his eyes when he hears you replacing “mia” with “mio” but goes along with it.

“that’s not how the song goes.”

“but you’re still mine so what’s the problem?”

secretly likes it, he won’t ever tell you though.

propuesta indecente ; nine out of ten

he thinks it’s pretty good. he likes it and will dance to it. it’s a song people think of when romeo’s name is said. he’d definitely call it “romeo’s image” but it’s not particularly his favorite. will call it a classic since it’s very popular when it comes to the bachata genre.

his only distaste for the song is, what he calls, the “salsa” beat. whatever you want to call it, it’s what takes the point away from being a solid ten for him. he doesn’t particularly hate it, but he doesn’t particularly like it. miguel’s just not complaining much when the song plays.

you notice he’s a little playful when this song is on. it’s not often but whenever he feels like it, he’ll probably say “hola, me llaman miguel. es un placer conocerla,” just like the song and gives you a kiss on your knuckles. then he’ll bring you in right after to start dancing with you.

imitadora ; winner

if he wasn’t dancing with you then (he totally was when mi corazoncito was on), he’s dancing with you now. you should have seen this coming, miguel loves this song. every time it plays, he always looks over at you with a smirk on his face.

this is another one he plays when he wants to dance. to be exact, all of his romeo santos playlists have imitadora. besides this is what he first danced with you to so yes, it has an even bigger meaning. he’s never gonna let you go during these four minutes.

miguel himself is not sure why he loves it so much. still, this is definitely one of the songs he’s going to have his arms around you. if he’s not dancing with you (which is rare), he’ll just hold you and kiss you. always likes to end it by either dipping you and watching your expression, or bringing you to his chest and kissing you as soon as it’s done.

bonus:

obsesión, english ver ; banned

please don’t ever play it again. he hates it so much. whole time miguel’s trying to pause the song while you keep playing it he’s arguing with you, “eso no es bachata. no me importa si lo canto romeo, eso no es bachata.” (t: that’s not bachata. i don’t care if romeo sang it, that’s not bachata.)

you ask him why he hates it. he just scrunches his nose up at you, “what do you mean? did you not hear the song right now?”

literally pretends that the song doesn’t exist.

you also played this right after imitadora and he stared at you like:

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

i'm gonna just answer the missing ask that mysteriously vanished like this because i can

because i already had some things typed out and when it gave me errors for saving/posting it, i copied everything into a notepad so i wouldn't have to retype it if i back out and try again

but then i couldn't anyway because the ask was just gone

@lil-melody-moon you sent in 2, 8 and 10 for the ask game and tumblr didn't like that apparently. (unless i read wrong, i can't go back and check now!!)

but anyway hello!!!!

so 2 wassss "what is your go-to karaoke song?"

i have never done karaoke in my life and i've never sang in front of anybody since i was a kid when my parents laughed at me because they thought it was cute but in my little kid brain i was like "if they're laughing at me then this must be an abnormal thing to do that draws unwanted attention and i will never do it again as long as i live" and that's been stuck with me forever even though i know better now. i hope to break out of it eventually. but if i DID do karaoke i would wannnnnt (me searching through my russ ballard playlist) all of these. no but wait. ummmmmm. 'a woman like you,' but instead of the original, i'd find a way to make this clip specifically my karaoke song, when he did it acapella for fun while switching out guitars:

i love him and how comfortable and happy he is

annnd 8 wasssss "what do you think is the best song to play during sexy times?" oh. WELL . wait. i. (me quickly scrolling back and forth throug my russ playlist probably looking very lost)

i. i. i. i. i. i,

i feel i may be tooooooo. i don't know how to word it properly. like. i . i mean like that's never really a thought in my mind when i'm listening to songs, or just about anything else for that matter. i mean i could probably say all of them and none of them at the same time. i don't know how to explain that. somehow it feels like this one doesn't really apply to me.

okay so 10 was "what band were you obsessed with as a child? do you still like them?"

YES my favorite childhood band was sweet! i used to play my dad's old cassette tape of them over and over and over and over and over. it was like a compilation one or something so it had songs like fox on the run and ballroom blitz and action and hell raiser and little willy and wig wam bam and teenage rampage and the six teens, it just had a lot of good songs and i would not stop listening to it every day all day for as long as i was allowed. i used to look at my dad's(now they're mine) old sweet record album covers too, my favorite one to look at was desolation boulevard because i liked steve priest's red hair and i remember trying to figure out who was who, like who was the main singer and everything. i never knew much about them back then but i was so addicted to their music. i was posting them here for a while a couple years ago when i decided to learn more about them. they'll always be one of my favorite bands ever.

[lonelynpc]

I know playing music is quite common in the OR but I want to know, have you ever had any songs be 'banned'?. Yknow, it's maybe really fucking annoying or it's been played to many times ect. I was told by a friend's dad that copacobana was banned from their OR because it kept being played on the radio and they all hated it to an almost primal degree.

i always love your asks, they're so fun

oh yeah, we've got a few! it depends on the team! i'll put some below with the team they're banned by and why (if there's a reason).

i will also say, there was a time where my consultant and i were banned from controlled the music because we would go, "okay, i'll go to the next," then play never gonna give you up.

you've got a friend in me by randy newman: banned by the anaesthetics team because it's annoying and we all hate it but every surgeon had it on their playlist for some reason.

smooth operator by sade: banned by a neurosurgeon because "i hated it when it came out and i hate it now".

hey sexy lady by shaggy: banned by almost all teams because of the phase where my team and i would watch that one pedro pascal edit behind the drapes.

down with the sickness by disturbed: banned by trauma because it came on shuffle while we had a septic patient in.

so what'cha want by the beastie boys: banned in the 90s because of my consultant. i don't know what he did but it got banned and is still banned to this day. i saw him try to play it once and the surgeon said, "teddy, you know the rule."

wish by nine inch nails: banned by an orthopaedic surgeon after i put it on. he said, "i do not like this".

promiscuous by nelly furtado: banned by urology because my consultant and i would sing it together. we didn't take parts, we both just put on a different voice for each part.

rock me amadeus by falco: banned by my anaesthetics team because we just really hate it.

kiss from a rose by seal: banned by an ENT surgeon because "it's annoying" even though she always sang along.

funky cold medina by tone-loc: banned by a really grumpy cardiothoracic surgeon, no clue why because we all loved it.

[chris-hartley]

Happy Pride!

This prompt partially came to me from @samgiddings for our Total Drama OCs Skylar and Kai (aka Skai) and the prompts: Road Trip / Proposal! Hope you enjoy and for all fun little updates regarding these two, do check out our blog @teadocs hehe.

ALSO! This fic comes with a playlist to go with it :D Check it out here <3

(To hide these posts please blacklist #kenziewritespride)

“BABE,” Kai said excitedly, looking down at his phone.

Skylar looked up at him from where he’d been busy curating an Instagram post documenting the trip he and Kai had taken to the Zoboomafoo anniversary experience.

“Noah Kahan is going on tour!” Kai seemed excited as his eyes scanned the dates, and his face dropped, “But he’s not coming to Adelaide.”

“Who is Noah Kahan?” Sky looked at him confused.

Kai’s jaw dropped, “I can’t wait to introduce you to him. You’re gonna love his music.”

“O…kay?”

And sure enough, a few moments later, a twangy guitar came from Kai’s portable speaker, the guy’s vocals singing, “As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined, you must’ve had yourself a change of heart like halfway through the drive.”

Skylar stopped Kai with a simple hand raised, “Wait. What’s this song called?”

“Stick Season,” Kai responded, confused, “Why? Do you know it?”

“No,” Skylar searched up the lyrics on his phone, “Lyrics. Can’t hear.”

“Do I need to turn it up?”

“Audio processing issues,” he shook his head.

Kai nodded, “Is that why you don’t listen to music that much?” Skylar shrugged but then waved his hand for Kai to restart the song and let it play once he had Genius lyrics pulled up in front of him.

“And I love Vermont, but it’s the season of the sticks. And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed. And it’s half my fault I just like to play the victim. I’ll drink alcohol ‘til my friends come home for Christmas.”

Skylar nodded along as the third chorus came on, finding the song rather catchy.

“Sooooo?”

“I like it,” Skylar smiled softly, “Do you wanna go see the show?”

“It’s in Melbourne… or Brisbane… Or Sydney.”

“And? We could take a little road trip to one of them.”

“Babe, that’s a minimum 8 hour drive to Melbourne.”

Skylar didn’t seem bothered, shrugging, “Then I guess we don’t have to.”

Kai nodded, looking downcast but accepting it wasn’t meant to be this time.

---

SKY: Come outside.

KAI: I’m about to leave for work.

SKY: I called in a favor. You’re off work this weekend.

KAI: What?

SKY: Just come outside. Please.

---

Kai came out from the apartment and spotted Skylar not in his work uniform (despite him supposed to be working too), standing in front of a van.

“Hi love. Get in and get changed,” Skylar opened up the van’s sliding door to reveal it was a converted van and there was a stylish outfit Kai had never seen on a hanger inside the van.

“What are we doing?”

“It’s a surprise. Get changed. Get in the passenger seat. We’re going on a trip.”

“A trip? To where?”

“It’s a surprise. Is that okay?”

Kai chuckled, his face lighting up, “More than okay. Let’s do it.”

Skylar got in the driver's side, plugging his phone to the aux and queueing up a playlist of every song Kai had shown Skylar in the 4 years they’d been dating. He’d been carefully compiling it, not sure why he’d ever need it, but then this impromptu road trip came to mind and it was a perfect time.

The first song that played was a Wallows song, “These Days”. Skylar nodded along to the music as Kai got in the passenger song.

“I need to know if you’re feeling it or I’m wasting my time. Your way or mine?” Kai sang along.

“You ready?”

Kai nodded, beaming, “Take us away, my love.”

---

First stop was Stirling, a meet 20 minutes from Adelaide, the two of them pulling up outside the Aldi.

“Snacks,” Skylar announced as they pulled up.

“I was hoping we weren’t dressing up to go to an Aldi,” Kai joked, getting out of the van and heading inside.

Skylar chuckled, taking Kai’s hand in his as they walked inside, grabbing snacks and drinks for the drive. Skylar let it slip they’d be driving for a while and to stock up on stuff for the ride.

They checked out, heading back to the van and getting in.

Skylar stuck his drink in the cup holder and smiled, starting up the music again. This time, a funky piano with Valley’s vocals came through the speakers, “I always thought I’d meet the one at a record shop or something fun.”

They pulled back onto the freeway and Skylar grinned as Kai looked out the window, shimmying as the chorus hit.

“Love,” Skylar chuckled, “You should probably take videos of this trip. To look back on.”

“Oh? Okay.” Kai took out his phone, recording the road and then the two of them.

“Oh shit, are we in love?” The singer’s voice said and Skylar mouthed the words, leading to a chuckle and a kiss on the cheek from Kai.

“We are,” he reassured the video before turning it off.

---

More song and more driving, seemingly in the middle of nowhere at this point, Kai asked again, “Where is it we’re going?”

“To Melbourne.”

“Why?”

“You’ll see,” Skylar said, keeping his mouth shut, motioning with a simple zip.

“Sky,” Kai chuckled.

Skylar pretended his lips were actually zipped shut and spoke muffledly.

“I love you.”

Sky unzipped his lips to say, “I love you too,” before zipping them again with a chuckle.

Kai got comfortable in his seat and drifted to sleep.

“You feel like city lights, apple pie baked just right. Home is wherever you are tonight.”

Skylar glanced over at him and sighed peacefully. He was reminded of a poetry book of Kai’s he read one time. Most of them were things he never felt so he didn’t understand them. But this one came to him again at this moment. And it finally made sense.

Driving the road in the middle of the night,

Not a car in sight,

My world asleep in the seat beside me.

It’s moments like this that make life worth living.

I take a picture, worth a thousand words I could not write.

Skylar wished he could take a picture of it, but he was okay that it would just exist in his mind forever.

---

The road sign Skylar was following said Melbourne. Kai stirred, rubbing his eyes, “Melbourne? Sky, love, why are we going to Melbourne?”

He shrugged, continuing to drive.

Sure enough, they went into the city, pulling up to The Forum. The sign outside said: “NOAH KAHAN” in big letters.

Kai’s eyes lit up, “WHAT?!”

“Surprise, love.”

“H- wh- Skylar!” Kai reached across the car once they were parked, hugging Skylar tightly.

Sky hugged him back with a grin, kissing his temple, “Is it a good surprise?”

“A great surprise. Thank you.”

“Good.”

---

Noah stood on the stage, introducing the song Everywhere, Everything and Skylar took a deep breath. He’d memorized every song from his discography and done research to find out which songs were played at the concerts every night.

“I wanna love you til we’re food for the worms to eat, til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours.”

Skylar took Kai’s hand, squeezing it. As Kai looked over at him, Skylar sank down onto one knee, a nervous smile on his face, “Surprise again?”

Kai gasped, “No way. SKYLAR!”

“Will you marry me?”

Kai’s eyes welled with tears as he nodded, “Yes. YES!”

The people surrounding them cheered as Skylar slid a ring onto Kai’s finger. He stood back up and kissed him happily.

The rest of the concert they were inseparable. And when they returned to Adelaide, everyone at the zoo congratulated them.

[gamerwoo]

hansol: the lovers playlist

characters: hansol x female reader

genre/warnings: idol au, friends to maybe something more???, fluff

word count: 884

summary: or you'll be left in the dust unless i stuck by ya; you're the sunflower; you're the sunflower

tag list (italics are unable to tag): @anissanightyoung @aceofvernons @mythicalamphitrite @caratluvie @juliettechokilo @liemwantstosleep @rubyreduji @ohchangyu @mingyublues @kamalymaly @ru-lin  (if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!)

perma tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @honeyylin @miki-chi @heemingyu @noraehey @awkwardnesshabitat @floweryjessy @woozarts @anothershorthuman @shuabby1994 @vernxnsfool @ti--red @etaerealboy @plants-w0rld @futuristiccomputerkitten-blog @thepencilkorner @shmooooo @dejavernon @slut-for-dabi @pussymode @iamxelia @itbtoblikethatsometimes @wonderfulshinee @aikisbbq @ohmykwonsoonyoung @just-a-really-bored-kpop-fan​

a/n: things in bold italics are song lyrics

previous song | next song | back to playlist

Vernon 17 😌: wanna go for a drive?

Vernon 17 😌: like old times?

-

‘Ay, ay, ay, ay...’

Hansol bent down, grinning at you as he got into the car, “Hey.”

“Hey,” you replied back. 

Things were mostly talked through over ramen -- and by mostly, Hansol had mostly told you what he wanted to and expressed how sorry he was, but there were a few details that he left out that you didn’t know about.

Like, y’know, him being in love with you.

But it was fine. You were content with what he had said, and you told him that you felt pretty childish about how you handled everything. Things were okay. Things were trying to go back to how they had been, which truthfully made both of you happy. He missed his best friend, and you missed yours.

‘Needless to say I keep her in check; she was a bad-bad nevertheless.’

Hansol chuckled, buckling into the seat before you put the car back in drive, “I’ve missed your taste in music.”

“Dude, you showed me most of the music I listen to,” you snorted. “It’s your taste.”

But Hansol either was too busy listening to the music, or he just didn’t have anything to quip back, because you were met with him humming along to the verse as a reply. 

“Needless to say, I’m keepin’ her in check,” he mumble-sang to himself as he slightly swayed to the music, going through his small black crossbody bag that he’d brought. “She was a bad-bad, nevertheless. Callin’ it quit, now, baby I’m a wreck. Crash at my place, baby, you’re a wreck.”

“I missed your singing,” you admitted somewhat quietly, figuring there was a 50/50 shot Hansol would even hear you.

But he did, looking over at you with his signature smile, “What?”

You shrugged, “You like, get lost in it. It’s quiet but it’s nice to hear.”

“I’m telling Mira you didn’t like her singing,” he teased, sitting back in the seat after he found his lip balm.

“You’re gonna get my shit kicked in--”

“Ooh-ooh-ooh!” Hansol started singing very loudly to drown you out, so he probably didn’t even hear the end of your sentence that you did get out. “Some things you just can’t refuse. She wanna ride me like a cruise--”

“PG, please.”

“And I’m not tryna lose.”

Finally, he looked at you and made a confused face, his smile still placed on there, “You picked this song, what do you mean PG?”

But now you ignored him, singing, “Then you’re left in the dust unless I stuck by ya.”

And, just like old times, Hansol joined in.

“You’re the sunflower; I think your love would be too much.”

Hansol basked in the familiar feeling, head back against the headrest with a smile on his face. It felt like coming home again, being in your car and singing with you again. Sure, he had things he had stressful things he had to deal with now -- namely the Ivory breakup situation -- but for now, it was like he was free of worries and cares.

“Shh, shh,” you quickly hushed him even though both of you had been singing, “Post’s verse is the best.”

“Every time I’m leavin’ on you,” you sang alone, “you don’t make it easy, no. Wish I could be there for you. Give me a reason to, oh.”

This time, Hansol just listened, missing your voice. He missed hearing you sing. Somehow, it was different hearing you when you were relaxed in the car or laying on his bed just hanging out, than when you were up on stage doing it.

“Every time I’m walking out, I can hear you telling me to turn around. Fighting for my trust and you won’t back down; even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh.”

Maybe it was because he was feeling cheesy now from the euphoria, but the lyrics he’d already heard hundreds of times by now, had new meaning to them when he heard you sing them. He thought of how the two of you were: you pushed him away and he went and pulled you back, trying to repair your friendship and gain your trust again. It was a gamble because there was no promise anything would work out, but it was a risk he was willing to take regardless.

“I know you’re scared of the unknown,” he sang with you now. “You don’t wanna be alone.”

You glanced at him with a smile, slightly leaning toward him, “I know I always come and go, but it’s out of my control.”

The two of you were nodding your heads along with the beat, singing the last chorus together. Hansol was pretty sure this was going to become a core memory for him simply from the intense feeling of happiness and warmth and calm he was experiencing. It was a feeling he didn’t want to ever let go of; a bubble of euphoria he didn’t want to leave.

As the song’s soft end played, you let out a sigh, “Nice karaoke to start off the drive.”

“Where are we going anyway?” he wondered.

You just shrugged, continuing to watch the road, “Just driving.”

That was absolutely good enough for him as he nodded, “Cool.”

[fritextramole]

leave me standing in the hall or let me enter?

part 5 of a Dan Humphrey playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

Boom Went the Boom ~ Joe Glazer

The wolf don't bother any more He starved to death right by my door

Alien Blues ~ Vundabar

I only talk to dogs because they don't understand me My teeth are yellow, hello world Would you like me a little better if they were white like yours?

Bum Bum Bum ~ Cass McCombs

They say, "Buy when there's blood in the streets Even if the blood is your own" So they employed men far away To turn against their home Centuries in the distant mist But it's not a dream No, it ain't no dream, it's all too real How long until This river of blood congeals?

Brazil ~ Declan McKenna

What have I become? I'm the face of God, I'm my father's son

Hold Me My Daddy ~ XTC

If this means war, why are we in it? Might've fired off a couple of rounds, I didn't mean to begin it. If these are the bullets that every father and son must chew, Well then hold me my daddy, I forgot to say I love you.

Ghosting ~ Mother Mother

I won't make noises in your stairs I will be kind and I'll be sweet If you stop staring straight through me And this is why I have decided To pull these old white sheets from my head I'll leave them folded neat and tidy So that you'll know I'm out of hiding

Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land ~ MARINA

I am not my body, not my mind or my brain Not my thoughts or feelings, I am not my DNA I am the observer, I'm a witness of life

Don’t Shut Me Down ~ ABBA

I'm fired up, I'm hot, don't shut me down I'm not the one you knew, I'm now, and then combined And I'm asking you to have an open mind (and I won't be the same)

Something In My Eye ~ Matt Berry

But here I am Grown I've come so far Alone I count the days Until I see you again

How Soon Is Now? ~ The Smiths

How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved Just like everybody else does

My Own Worst Enemy ~ Lit

It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy 'Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me

Freakin’ Out On the Interstate ~ Briston Maroney

I'm walking back to my favorite place And I can feel them staring at me Baby, do you think I'm doing something wrong? And you got a lot on your mind And your heart, it looks just like mine

Kiss Me (I Loved You) ~ Father John Misty

I loved you I heard everything about you And maybe half of it was true

Arms Unfolding ~ dodie

hope i'm not tired of rebuilding cause this might take a little more i think i'd like to try look at you and feel the way i did before.

You Only Need You ~ Tom Rosenthal

You'll get me if you need me and you'll be fine if you don't You said it was arranged by love You have a lot of love to give out

Hello Stranger ~ Julia Holter

If you're not gonna stay Please don't tease me like you did before Because I still love you so

Night Terrors ~ shinigami

Growing up time moves faster than I can Sick and tired of lying to myself I cannot fucking stand this I'm sick of fucking standing On my own, on my phone

Mad World ~ Gary Jules, Michael Andrews

Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me "Hello, teacher! Tell me, what's my lesson?" Look right through me, look right through me

3 a.m. ~ Gregory Alan Isakov

give me darkness when i’m dreaming give me moonlight when i’m leaving give me shoes that weren’t made for standing

Everything Is Free Father John Misty

Everything I ever done Gotta give it away Someone hit the big score They figured it out

Rest Awhile ~ They Might Be Giants

I got rid of my jackets and coats I threw out all of my pants I got sick of my stinkin' clothes I had to get rid of them I'm not yet considering replacing them I'm only glad to be rid of them

Daddy Sang Bass ~ Johnny Cash

singin' seems to help a troubled soul one of these days and it won't be long i'll rejoin them in a song

[akwardlyuncool]

Sitting To Know You Collection May Roundup

______________________________________________________________

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 19  (May 6th - May 12th)

Album: Duality (2015) by Set It Off  

Play Count: 3

Top 2 Tracks: 

Tomorrow ft. Jason Lancaster (Track 9)

Bleak December (Track 10) 

I’ve been spotty with Set It Off for the last few years and coming back to this album in particular after hearing some of the critiques, it was a little much. I’m just gonna say it, I knew every word to this whole misogynistic album. To be fair not every song is misogynistic, some of them just feature nice guy syndrome hahaha (Looking at you Bad Guy.) To be extra for real though, cause I wasn’t lying, I sang along and had fun with all of it like I was back in the summer of 2015, but I acknowledged the mess this time and that’s what made me think a little bit. It’s like watching your favorite 2000’s rom-com, you know what’s up. 

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 20  (May 13th - May 19th)

Album: Without Fear (The Complete Edition) (2020) by Dermot Kennedy 

Play Count: 2

Top 2 Tracks: 

Outnumbered (Track 10) 

Days Like This (Track 17) - Cover

I love this man’s voice so much and that’s why I’m sad it only got 2 very choppy listens. The complete version is like 70/80 minutes long and that’s why I struggled. I randomly saw a clip of a live performance he did years ago and the love has been there ever since. Now that particular song he preformed supposedly got reworked and changed into a different song on this album and the original only lives on YouTube. I'm mad hurt on that one, however the album is still really good and I'm not letting that sour my opinion at all. It’s a little moody and hopeful, but also very questioning. Y’all know how British rain sounds lol. I haven’t listened to his latest release yet, but I still can’t recommend him enough though. Trust me when I say this is a NEED to check out. 

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 21  (May 20th - May 26th)

Album: Stay Inside (2018) by Elder Brother 

Play Count: 4

Top 2 Tracks: 

I Don’t Miss You (Track 7)

Battle (Track 8) 

Elder Brother reminds me of fall 2019 and when I put this album on I’m just reminded of how good that moment was. (Little did I know what this album foretold.) If you need to feel comforted while you’re laying in bed or just walking around the house, this is a great choice. Tracks 6-9 are such a good run of songs that I can’t recommend them enough. I tried to pick songs that weren’t already my favorite as my top tracks so I highly recommend you check these out. If you’re unaware, look into this side project of Kevin from The Story So Far and Dan from Daybreaker, you will be pleasantly surprised. And if you are aware, listen again. 

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 22  (May 27th - June 2nd)

Album: Moonlight (2019) by Johnnyswim

Play Count: 2

Top 2 Tracks: 

Flowers (Track 7)

Lost In Translation (Track 4) 

I think this series is really forcing me to listen to these library discards cause this is the fourth one it’s shot out at me. I needed to listen to them anyway but this pushes me a little bit more. I knew one song from this album previously, so I was mostly going in unaware. Not of the group though, just the album. I’m usually pretty quickly drawn to Johnnyswim, but this one had to grow on me. If I’d gotten more listens in I feel like I could be more confident in it. It’s just not that strong off those first few listens. That being said, although it’s not my favorite album of theirs it’s still pretty decent and worth checking out if you like their stuff. Soulful pop-y kind of music. 

.

.

I haven't been updating the playlist that's supposed to go along with this series, but I'm changing that and will include it at the end of these updates. Will include spoilers, but thanks to checking it out anyway.

The Playlist!

[colorisbyshe]

CONCERT REPORT :D

so, i saw sim a japanese reggae metal band (i know) with two full screamo/metal bands opening and then one… idk bmth adjacent band opening???

my thoughts and experiences in no particular order

got stuck in line surrounded by Dudes and was like oh god oh no i’m gonna have no one to talk to and im gonna be here 3+ hours

met an Experiencer crowdsurfer dude who was like IM GONNA CROWD SURF SO HARD and i was like right on!!! go my dude!! and then i turned my head for a second and he disappeared

i was left with a tiny 20 year old boy who reminded me of an anxious lap dog and i was like well there’s no cute gay girls near me to talk to so i guess ill take you under my wing and made sure to drag him far up in the crowd with me (got him to third row)

every one in line was in attack on titan merch cause this band did ONE AOT song

pure evil vibes but i did find a girl with a kyuubi keychain (naruto) and complimented her on her good taste

two kids were in front of me in levi and ??? the brunette with the ponytail cosplay and they were SOOOOO scared of the screamo SOOOOO scared and so dead for every band like if you don’t fucking JUMP and SCREAM im gonna kill you???

emo/bmth adjacent band covered kyptonte by three doors down and it was so fun we all sang along

playlist between shows was soooo fun miku, george michael, rickroll… we all sang along to stuff like america FUCK YEAH and miss murder… i alone sang along to perfume

i really really really enjoy hardcore metal/screamo live but it’s so miserable to listen to studio versions??? is this anyone else

two girls left after the emo band went and gave me their spot which put me into the CROWD SURFER ZONE and i actually got tossed around by the crowd so badly i ended up dead center under even more crowd surfers and i could barely move and it was SO FUN

all of my recordings are just “here’s a perfect view of the lead singer, now it’s shaking because we’re all dancing, and now my camera and my face are pressed into a security guards tummy and pecs as he catches five surfers in a row” ANS THAYS SO FUNNT

i don’t even think any of the music tonight was like… good??! or liek it’s FINE but it’s cringe AND YET

the crowd was so clocked in and craaaaazy??? i’m covered in sweat that ain’t even mine we were all packed like sardines and flailing

and it’s more thrilling than kingda ka or the superman at six flags

i’m so alive

my feet are going to fall off cause i wore wedged boots m

i was thrown by the crowd so far i was completely separated from my shaking chihuahua boy i hope he’s alright he was so convinced he could get his merch shirt signed

even though i kept explaining throwing it on stage would just mean they kept his shirt

i hope he didn’t throw it lmao

woooo

[sourbinnie]

title -> hits different genre -> angsty angst pair -> ot8! skz/ateez x gn!reader plot -> when love is a lie and your friends don't know what to do anymore to get you by. warnings -> alcohol consumption + cursing a/n: yeah,,,, i had to ok THIS IS SO LONG ALSO IM SORRY

i washed my hands of us at the club you made a mess of me i pictured you with other girls in love then threw up on the street

remembering felix came in different shades & colors. it brought me back to reality that i was already thinking of him and the night didn't even start. washing my hands to wash the memories of us seemed to be doing no effect in my brain and the easiest way to forget was to consume alcohol until i couldn't stop. it wasn't healthy, it wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't what i wanted but my friends dragged me out every time like my life depended of how well and how much i could handle in the dancefloor of another god awful sweaty club.

here i was once again thinking of late nights with felix where we would stay in bed, where i would think of him and not feel pain. i would just be in a pure bliss and love moment. now it's just dark & twisted, gut wrenching and heartbreaking memories and that's all i held onto. i could picture with any of the girls/guys here and he would be happier, even if every part of me hated me for doing so. maybe he was in love with someone else all along and couldn't tell me, and i would have to live in the reality that he wasn't mine for me to love.

like waiting for a bus that never shows you just start walking on they say that if it's right, you know each bar plays our song nothing has ever felt so wrong

oh god the song that started playing. i could not imagine a worse scenario than going out and hearing it on the street. it came from a dusty bar but it still ringed in my ears as i picked up the pace to go somewhere else. it was a habit of mine to make playlists for hongjoong. he would listen to them to calm down when he was nervous, to when he was busy at work and needed music to keep him company or when he missed me. maybe he was doing that right now.

no, he wouldn't have broken up with me if he missed me. he wouldn't have muttered those words at me if he was gonna regret it now when all he was radiating was confidence that night. as the tears made it's way down my cheeks just because a song could get me that way. this wasn't any normal break up, this was the person who i felt was the love of my life drifting away from me in the cruelest way possible. so here i was sitting on the pavement, waiting for everything to just stop for a moment and for my thoughts to drift far away from him.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i knew they were all lying to me, everyone here was in a happy relationship except me. i used to be part of the happy crew though, i used to smile in every photo and send them to changbin. he was my motivation to keep going and my strength to feel better about myself. now without him, i only know the saddest of beats due to the amount of time i take to listen to playlists that only make me wanna cry. i'll never get what crossed his mind for him to break up with me.

we weren't the perfect couple, we had our disagreements but we clicked. like two pieces in a puzzle we somehow found our way to each other and we settled. moving in together, adopting a pet, introducing each other to our families, it all went by so fast and i didn't appreciate enough when i had it. now i was missing the most common of things as i looked at the engagement rings on my friends' hands. maybe that could have been us but in this life, it looks like not.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

what had me hooked on to san? literally everything. the way he was careful around me, the way he sang me to sleep and the way he just simply knew me like the back of his hand. that's the way i wanted things to be forever. it somehow drifted to him not knowing me at all and acting so cold & distant. i missed my sannie, i missed him so fucking much. it was like i needed him to continue 'cause i knew he was the one i wanted to marry all along, that dream guy you chase after like it's a fairytale.

but life was no fairytales and as i looked outside in the window in my room, the rain seemed unstoppable like the wave of tears that invaded me. he was the one, i knew he was the one. yet if he was the one, he would've stayed and we would've never fought in the first place, he wouldn't have changed his ways and his habits. i never was the biggest fan of physical contact but nowadays i crave his clinginess, his hugs, his kisses, him calling me prince/princess. i just missed him.

i used to switch out these kens, i'd just ghost rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw freedom felt like summer then on the coast now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

i hated dating, it was a fact at this point. you date someone to fall in love and get your heart broken like an idiot? no thanks, i would rather not. but i made an exception for him, for minho. thinking that maybe i would settle down forever & ever, not having to worry about a damn thing because i had found the one. it was a lie, it all was fake as fuck as he left me stranded in the cold and i tried to chase him down but it was useless. it was no lie that he was cold hearted when he was mad but this exceeded my expectations.

going on vacations to forget the one you loved wasn't the best idea either. it's like everywhere i looked, i saw him staring right at me with that mischievous look of his. i wanted to run to him again, to have him in my arms and just simply enjoy the fucking moment. why did he have to play me like this? like some kind of twisted game where he came out victorious and i stood there like a loser in the board. tracing figures in the sand, i had never felt more pathetic and lonelier than ever.

and i never don't cry at the bar yeah, my sadness is contagious i slur your name till someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations

it was like a song repeating itself the way i said his name, i could not stop and feel embarrassed because i went through every stage of the breakup. first i was angry, then i was sad and miserable and now i just felt numb. numb because yunho left and i had no idea how the fuck to move on from mr. perfect guy to being single forever and ever. i didn't want anyone else and everybody knew that. still people tried to get me to go to dates, clubs, events and i just had the worst time of my life as i acted ridiculous once again.

is this what it felt like to get your heart shattered completely? is what i thought when he muttered the words "break up". yeah no wonder i cried myself to sleep every night and nobody wanted me near them, i had been torn apart like it was the easiest thing to do. i looked out the window from the taxi cab and remembered the day he took me home from the club because i was too drunk. he looked at me with that smile of his and i just knew, everything was gonna be alright. back then... maybe not so much now.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i laid in my bed staring at the ceiling as i thought about us. incoming calls were going and then disappearing from my phone. i didn't have the strength to talk to anyone as i processed what just happened between us. the space that he occupied felt so cold suddenly. i knew people wanted to cheer me up, saying he was just like every other guy and i deserved better. i truly wanted to think that too but seungmin wasn't like anyone i have ever met before. he was so kind hearted and so love driven that it pained me to believe that we got to this point.

i had to hold on to remembering the good times because there wouldn't be any new memories to write about. there would be no cooking together, hugging at the airport or spending late nights with the boys as we laughed at the smallest of things. there would just be an emptiness that i would have to fill with something so i could move on from this hell. the hell being the constant repeat of love and kindness he offered me and i had to throw away because maybe i just don't deserve to be loved.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

how many times will i have to go through this again? break ups aren't easy. this one in particular left me with the worst bitter taste in my mouth as i looked back at photographs hanging around my apartment. it crushed my soul and spirit knowing that i would never see him smile that wide again. that my last memory of mingi is gonna be this heated and stupid fight, that started over a small detail but finished with a loud bang in my heart as he broke up with me and left the apartment.

packing his things was the most difficult part yet. i had to send them to the dorm and hope i did not forget anything because facing him again would actually kill me on sight. so i packed the sweaters that i used so much, the old headphones i gifted to him and the small promise ring he bought for our anniversary. it was a petty thing to do but i felt like he deserved to have it, it was his money and his promise after all. receiving will probably be a punch in the face but i didn't care, he deserved to know how i felt too.

i find the artifacts, cried over a hat cursed the space that i needed i trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding?

in my mind it all made more sense. i knew it wasn't easy to break up with someone, so he found an excuse to do so and because he was too kind to let me down, he chose his words carefully and just decided to finish it. it wasn't the coldest of breakups, but it was the one that made the least sense. why would hyunjin tell me that he loved me so much to then break up with me in the weirdest way possible. i just wanted an explanation and not to be greeted by his voicemail once again.

i wanted to get rid of his stuff so bad but i couldn't find the force to send it all to him or burn it like they did in movies. it was embarrassing how much i was holding on to nothing, how much i wanted for him to come back and tell me it was just a cruel and mean spirited joke. i would forgive him right away, i think that's the most pathetic part about me. even if he hurts me over & over again, i would still be looking for the answers and hoping he would return home.

you were the one that I loved don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough a wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes this is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy

it was easy to say that you loved someone. for example, i loved jongho, he made my days better, made me weak to the knees when i saw him, made me wish i was up to his standards every day. it looked like he wished his standards were higher as well because he left me. okay this is my drunk brain speaking but it just didn't make any fucking sense how you are loved one day, ditched the other and then you see your ex with someone else not too long after that. i just wanted it all to be a nightmare.

i wanted to curse, to scream, to leave it all unsaid. i chose to be silent and observe, writing him letters i will never send and hoping the future treats me in a kinder way. i was never one to confront the situation and make it known that i deserved better, i just knew that i did. it just wasn't easy to watch it all unwind so fast when i had barely even moved on. maybe jongho just wasn't meant for me to love, for me to have and for me to cherish. maybe he really wasn't that great after all and just maybe... he would be happier without me

dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief in the good in the world, you once believed in me and i felt you and I held you for a while bet i could still melt your world argumentative, antithetical, dream girl

it was so stupid to still think of him. i laughed to myself as i looked around an empty apartment, i was finally leaving it after all this time. he wanted me to stay because he had the dorms anyways but i couldn't do it, not even for us. it was just too painful to be greeted by the memories chan and i made every single day. i was still gonna be alone but i would be in better company than i was here, that's for sure. i looked around and it felt like a dream, it used to be my dream home at one point.

suddenly again i was still seeing the boxes with our stuff on it, we didn't have a couch or a tv for such a long time. we didn't care though, we could talk all day about anything and we were just fine with that. cuddling on the floor with a blanket and falling asleep like that. it would sound dreadful to anyone but i think for me, it was the best experience i could ask for in a relationship. just the way he held me and made me feel alive every day, i was hoping i could carry the good out of this.

i heard your key turn in the door down the hallway is that your key in the door? is it okay? Is it you? or have they come to take me away?

i was definitely hallucinating as i heard a key jingling at the door. then i realized that i had a new neighbor and i was just being insane like always. there wasn't a day that passed that i didn't wish yeosang would come back. it felt like an eternity since he left and it felt even worse knowing that he was probably having the time of his life without me while i suffered here like an idiot. i knew it was crazy behavior to lock yourself up in your apartment and think that you can do this on your own.

i couldn't do it even if i tried to. i kept thinking about him and i when we first met, the shyness that i fell so hard for turning into something else. i could not place my finger around it but it was like my sangie just disappeared and was nowhere to be found. he truly was mesmerizing to look at, maybe it got too much to his head? or maybe i just simply wasn't enough for him. it hurt to know that you gave it all for a relationship that for a few months had been one sided all along and it kept going on until it exploded yet you still hope for him to come back.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different It hits different this time

i said "no" so many times at this point, i was getting repetitive. it felt like i was living in a hallucination, a reality i never once wished for or never saw coming in the first place. maybe i was being dramatic but jeongin was the light that i was always looking for. so bright and so cheerful, it made me want to cry as i thought of him stupid smile. the way he couldn't talk around me because he got nervous but he still made the effort to ask me out, it was cute back then but now it just broke my heart.

the fact that i could not forget at all the way i hurt him and the way he hurt me. my friends said that it was stupid for us to break up and his friends insisted that we should talk, neither of us made a move. then it moved to "well you're better off without them" phase and i think both of us truly believed it. we saw each other again at the club and it looked like none of us had slept in forever but we kept our pride up and did not say a single word to one another. the fact that it could have been a second try, kills me every night.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

there was no way wooyoung was gonna get out of my mind. every day i tried, date after date, drink after drink and thrill after thrill. nothing seemed to work, all my methods for break ups were not working and i was losing my mind. it's like he was right there all along, mocking me like he used to but not in a cute way. he knew i could not do it without him and he was right, i hated him so much for being right when he said the words "good luck without me!".

crystal tears dropping to my glass as i reminisce of what could have been a great love. i just wanted the best for us and of course i had to say the words ”break up” for him to take seriously. he always had an attitude and dealt with things in the moment or he didn't want to deal with them at all. i couldn't handle him yet i wanted him so bad and he was the only i wanted all along. i just felt stuck in a place where i didn't belong and that was me without him, hoping he would think of me and give me a call someday.

(oh my, love is a lie) (shit my friends say to get me by) ('cause it's you)

i was done playing games, i was running in the rain. i knew it wasn't the most sane behavior i ever showed but i could not be stopped. all the memories came flowing back and i just needed to get them out of the way. i needed to move as fast before it was too late. i was invaded by guilt as i thought of doing this when he had already moved on but i needed to think of the good chances first and then of what i would do if all the opportunities for us to get back were gone.

i stood there in front of the door that i knew so much. knocked on it so many times, been received by every boy who lives there yet there was only one in my mind as i knocked again. i knew this was the time where he got home. so i waited and waited in the dreadful silence outside while i heard some mumbling words on the inside. hoping to see him brought effect as i was greeted by him looking better than ever and me soaked from the cold pouring rain.

"(y/n)?" jisung said and I could only smile.

oh how much i missed you.

(catastrophic blues) (moving on was always easy for me to do) it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

sitting down for a chat wasn't easy. especially not with your ex boyfriend but i had to give it one last try as i looked at him while he tried to look anywhere else but me. the quiet was going to actually kill me but i stayed strong as i had said everything i wanted to say and was honest with my feelings like i was taught to. i never moved on, i could never do that when seonghwa was my first real relationship.

"why did it take you so long?" he asked.

"because... i wasn't sure how you would feel about me being back in your life."

that's what i said and it was like he was analyzing every word as he grabbed my hands and sighed. i was expecting the worst of the worst, to have traveled so far for nothing, to have to come back "home" with a broken heart yet...

"it's all i ever wanted."

[leviathanlazarus]

Reaching for Stardust - Part II

Read Looking For Space here; playlist / Read RFS Part I here; playlist

Read (comment!!) on wattpad

Word Count: ~4300

Warnings: none

<3

---

Josh and I had tackled grocery shopping first thing in the morning, unpacked it all, then headed out for a long walk through some swamps that were so overgrown and murky that it lended to a very quiet experience with no one to interrupt us. It was nice. He’d been quieter than usual again, though I thought he might just want to tune into the wildlife we didn’t always get to encounter–the tree frogs were invisible around us but loud, their throaty songs permeating the air, and Josh vocalized wonder as to what they were saying to each other. The bullfrogs were loud too, impressive in their deep calls, and we saw a couple leap from the muddy edges of the trail into the dark, shallow water and disappear. Redwing blackbirds fluttered from reed to reed, pausing on cattails to tweet more words unknown to us before going off to perch somewhere else, and the geese beyond were paddling through the water with fuzzy bunches of yellow babies, which Josh and I had to stop and watch until they got too far away to squeal over anymore. 

But Josh wasn’t quiet in the car–he was singing along to Van Morrison, the copy of Saint Dominic’s Preview that his dad had given to him rolling through the CD player, and I was amused at how he sang every word with passion despite how strangely their voices mixed. Or didn’t mix at all, really. They didn’t go together, making for quite a jarring duet, but Josh just kept going and I kept watching–I watched the sun hit his eyelashes and his cheekbones, how it cast a shadow down his neck when we drove through the trees and back onto the paved roads, and I watched his hands move from the wheel to the air as he sang along. He was always moving. He couldn’t ever just be still, not even while driving, and I could still remember how much that had annoyed me when we’d first met. Now, I couldn’t imagine why–he was like a bird too, colorful and vocal, quick and strategic. 

The sun wrapped itself through his honey curls and I reached out to touch his hair, to run my fingers over the shaved patch above his ear. “You ever gonna let all this grow out again?” 

Josh hummed with the last few words of the song before he answered: “Maybe. Why, do you miss it?”

“Sometimes,” I admitted, looking in my mind’s eye at a snapshot of Josh from years prior, all that hair wild, untamed, ridiculous, adorable. “I like it. But you already know if you get rid of all your hair, I’m leaving you.”

He laughed, nose crinkling. “Oh yeah, you’ve told me that. I’m not gonna. We still have to get married, you know.”

I huffed out a small laugh at him throwing that out there so casually. “I remember that too, don’t worry.” 

“So when are we gonna do it?” Josh asked, turning for a moment to look at me, his eyes catching the light too and I could see a brief glimpse of all their colors, the nature that lived inside those irises. 

“After you propose to me,” I told him, then laughed again. “Unless this is your proposal?”

“Absolutely not. But you said you didn’t want me to propose to you yet.” 

“You don’t think we should buy a house first?” I reminded him, looking out the window as we passed other people’s houses, all looking way better than an apartment. “That’s really my only stipulation. I thought we talked about it.”

“I know. But I just don’t wanna wait much longer, darling.” 

I looked back at him, gazing down at the pendant, the Taurean bull, the little starshine jewel, I’d given him for our first anniversary that was hanging around his neck. Truthfully, I didn’t want to wait much longer either but I wanted to put down real roots first–I wanted us to have a place we could truly call home and begin to build before we put the final touch on our relationship. Josh had never been so orthodox with anything really and that was okay, which made me wonder even more why he wasn’t so willing to just go along with my idea. But maybe this was that bull-like stubbornness rearing its head. 

“It’ll be better for us to be married when we buy a house anyway,” Josh went on. “For the taxes and everything.”

“Oh?” I quipped, not even sure about that myself. “What difference does it make? I thought married couples got tax breaks no matter where they lived.”

“Well, both our names would be on the deed or whatever regardless. What difference does it make when we buy a house?”

“If it makes no difference, why can’t we buy a house before we get married?”

Josh sighed. “We could probably plan a whole wedding and get married in the time it’d take to even find a house.”

“Wanna bet?” 

“No, I just wanna be your husband.”

I inhaled sharply. That shut me up. We’d talked about getting engaged, getting married, being married, but we’d never actually said “husband” and “wife” before. It sounded so formal. So adult. And I often still felt like Josh and I were still kids, just two silly people messing around even while being in love and having a life together, and it was jarring to suddenly be reminded that we were far from that. So far from that and there was no going back and that wasn’t even a bad thing. It was just kind of a scary thing. 

“Okay. No bets,” I said, reaching over to place my hand on his thigh. “But I still think I can find a house faster than you can get a ring.” 

“You think I don’t already have a ring?” Josh asked, then cackled over Van Morrison’s grunting. “Come on, you know me better than that.”

My heart did a little flip. “You do? Seriously?”

Josh patted my hand on his thigh. “Yeah, silly goose,” he said, then wagged his finger at me with his eyes on the road. “But don’t even think about asking to see it. That’s gonna be a surprise. The whole proposal will be a surprise.” 

I had imagined it many times in slightly different ways each time. The one constant was that it would be at night–the stars HAD to be there when it happened. I trusted Josh felt the same way. As I imagined it again, I said, “I’m sure it will be. You’ve always been full of surprises.”

“I try my best. Gotta keep things spicy,” Josh said, smiling big enough in my peripheral vision to catch my full attention again. “So about tonight–you wanna get dinner first?” 

“Yeah, definitely. You said there’s some Mediterranean place that’s good?” 

“Sam says so. Or we could go to that diner we liked the last time. Up to you.”

I looked back out the window. We were almost home and the afternoon was still relatively young and warm, keeping me optimistic about the impending night, not that there was anything to actually be edgy about. It was always just such an experience when the boys played a show–they’d come so far as time had gone on. They were on a real label, had a manager, traveled in an actual bus and had all moved to Detroit in the past year. Big changes. Josh and I knew those wouldn’t be the last of the changes, either. It felt like only a matter of time before they moved somewhere even bigger where they could really flesh out and grow to be even more successful so, for now, we all made the mini road trip whenever we could to see one another. I was glad their show was going to be in their home base and even though we could zip back home afterward, I proposed something of my own instead.

“What if we got a hotel tonight?” I asked Josh, already picturing the two of us rolling around drunk in fluffy white linens.

“Ooh, hell yes,” Josh said, smiling big again, his perfect teeth gleaming in the sun. “Why didn’t we think of that sooner? I mean, what’s stopping us?”

“Absolutely nothing.” I grabbed my phone and pulled up Google. “I’ll find us a room right now.”

We showered, dressed, packed our bags and headed on the road again with Josh driving, of course, again. He’d bought a used Jeep Compass a few months back and was still loving it even with winter being over–it was a struggle to get him NOT to drive. Not that I minded. Josh was good at going fast enough to always make good time without ever attracting police, which he was also very skilled at spotting along the highway. I did find it amusing how small he looked inside the car though, perched up high in the driver’s seat like a little sparrow. 

I missed the boys, probably far more than I let any of them and also Josh on. It’s not like they were all that far away, just a hop skip and a jump down 75 and we were there, but sometimes it felt so far. I had gotten so used to seeing them all the time. They were always around. Then suddenly they weren’t. What made it more difficult was how much busier they’d become, so texting had decreased and phone calls were almost non-existent, at least with me. I knew it wasn’t all that much better for Josh but he never let his woes about it show. I still knew it hurt him, he was just resilient, always able to find the good in everything even when it was painful to get there.

“Do you ever think about what life would be like if you’d been part of the band?” I asked Josh as we cruised down the highway, the sky a vast sea of surprisingly clear blue beyond. “I mean, you definitely have the voice for it. And the poetry.” We’d talked about this before too, but it’d been a while–I was curious if the answer had changed. Josh always struck me as someone who needed more freedom than even an artsy film instructor had; then again, sometimes it seemed like being in a touring band didn’t give the boys all the freedom they deserved. 

“It’d be fun. But my life is fun now, too,” Josh said, turning to give me a wide, sparkling grin. “Anyway, I always stole the show when Jake and I were growing up. Now it’s his turn to be front and center.” 

“They all look so–so shiny all the time now,” I commented, looking out the window as I envisioned Danny with his face adorned in rhinestones, Sam’s sleek, shimmering blazers and Jake’s jeweled details on all his stage outfits. 

Josh laughed, sounding pleased by my observation. “They clearly have fun with it. I keep asking Jake to give me some things whenever he’s done with them. Reduce, reuse, recycle to your older brother.”

“Older by five minutes,” I reminded him, although I definitely was into the idea of Jake passing on some pieces to Josh. He’d wear a bejeweled jacket out anywhere, no fancy event needed. 

-

Our hotel was more or less in the heart of downtown, requiring Josh to zip his Jeep through a dark parking garage, and then our echoing footsteps brought us down an elevator and to the check-in desk, where Josh was too late with scolding me for paying for the room. I told him he could buy dinner and breakfast to make up for it, to which he grumbled but ultimately agreed. 

The room was standard–simple and inviting and so neat and tidy that I felt a weight lift off my chest. Cool taupe walls surrounded us, with mahogany carpet to go along with the paint and a mahogany desk to match that, a queen bed made up with a tightly tucked, plush white bedspread and an excess of fat pillows, a decently sized flatscreen TV, a black mini fridge with an array of undoubtedly ungodly priced snacks laid neatly beneath it. The best part of the room was the view. We had an open, clear view of the city, the buildings tall and captivating beyond the glass, and the river wasn’t far from our eyes either. 

We dropped our bags to the floor and I beelined for the bathroom, which was also impeccably clean–at least in appearance–and neat, and from beyond the closed door, which was an element of our relationship neither of us felt compelled to change, Josh spoke to me.

“So are we still doing Mediterranean? Or do you wanna look at this visitor’s guide?”

As I zipped back up I replied, “We should look anyway. Like we’re tourists.” 

“We’re like groupies,” Josh corrected as I washed my hands, and when I came back out he was sitting at the foot of the bed flipping through the guide. 

“Yeah, that’s more accurate.” I sat down next to him, then flopped backwards to lie flat on the firm yet somehow cloud-like mattress. “The show’s at seven, right?” 

“Yep. Masonic Temple.”

“Oh yeah.” I turned to look out the window, the memory of our last experience there coming back to me–it had been the boys on that stage last time, too. It was crazy, I thought, how drastically things could change in just a couple years. I wasn’t sure I could take much more change for a while. 

Josh and I had preemptively decided that we would actually show up as sparkly and glittery as we could to go along with, and hopefully bring some joy to, the boys. We stood side by side in the bathroom mirror after we got dressed–Josh was wearing a flowy, sheer white shirt with gold embroidery that he’d found during a previous thrifting excursion–while I was in form-fitting royal purple, applying glitter to our eyes and cheeks until we both looked more or less like disco balls. 

No matter how much or what kind of attention he drew to himself, Josh never got his feathers ruffled and I always adored that about him. He walked as tall as he could, with a natural air of pride but also approachability, and kept himself open to that attention and to the whole world. He just never seemed that afraid of anything–not of judgment, certainly. And not even of all these changes. He took everything as it came, threw some glitter on it like it was magic and went through the universe like he knew he was an intrinsic, unstoppable part of it. And he’d helped me feel the same at times, like when we descended in the elevator and reentered the public, and I didn’t feel any shame at all even while plastered in color and sparkle. What made it all the better was when Josh took my hand as we exited the hotel and hit the streets. I still often felt like one of these days, he was going to take my hand and we were just going to fly away like Peter Pan and Wendy. I figured stranger things had happened, and Josh was full of wondrous strangeness. 

Our dinner ran late with the restaurant understandably being busy on a Saturday night, so by the time we got to the venue, the opener was already playing and Josh and I decided we’d wait until after the show to accost the boys. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they’d reached a point of success where they had opening bands and weren’t the opening act themselves but by the time they were beneath the lights, glittering and sparkling even more than I expected, I was reminded yet again of just how incredible they were. 

Sitting next to me, Josh bobbed and sang quietly along to the songs. He knew all of them, even the newer ones, by heart. There was a part of me that had always anticipated him changing course, joining the band, no matter how fulfilled he already was. I could easily see him up there next to Jake, creating beautiful chaos right along with everyone else. But I was glad he hadn’t. I thought our life together was fun, too–Josh immersed in academia, in a subject he loved just as much as music, me trailing along in travel writing that wasn’t quite a passion but certainly helped to keep the focus and the funds on building more and more pieces of this life together. 

Josh took my hand and gently stroked the backs of my fingers; I thought about what it would be like if we both wore wedding rings. I didn’t even know what his might look like for sure–gold, certainly, but a simple band didn’t suit him. He’d need something more extravagant. What did my ring look like? Where did he keep it? When did he buy it? My mind was suddenly racing with so many questions that my surroundings blurred until my body registered Josh’s touch again, and I looked down at his own perfectly sculpted hand before looking back up at the stage.

When we were backstage, riding a high that wasn’t even truly our own, Josh roped his twin into a tight hug and I made my way to the rhythm section, and soon enough I felt Sam’s lanky arms and Danny’s ridiculously hard arms around me and the entire world felt like it got brighter and warmer. Their presence just did that. 

“God, you were amazing,” I said with my chin over both of their shoulders. When I pulled back, Jake suddenly swarmed me in his own hug, his slight body still very apparently buzzing with a high of his own. “And it’s been ages, you lunatics.”

“I know, I know,” Jake said, his voice even huskier post-set. “You guys should just move here.”

“Well, what’s the point when you’re a touring band now?” I replied, taking him in, all sweat and glitter and magic. They all were. Josh too, though far less sweaty, already gathered Sam and Danny in his arms like they were bundles of flowers and not nearly twice his size. “Just move back home.”

“What’d you think of our new songs?” Sam pressed, squirming out of Josh’s grasp, and wiped the back of his hand over his forehead, pushing his hair back. 

“Loved them,” Josh and I said in unison, and I added, “I remember the title of one of them, I think. ‘Brave’ something, right?”

“‘Brave New World,’” Danny answered, holding his hair up from his neck with one hand. I could so clearly see the literal growth that had taken place in silence, undetected in the passing moments, over the past few years especially in him. None of them were boys anymore. None of us were kids anymore, point blank, and the all-consuming, final realization of it made me dizzy for a moment. 

“That’s right, ‘Brave New World,’” I repeated, committing the title to memory. “I love it. I loved all of it. Your shows never get old.”

“Except you guys are getting old,” Josh said, slinging his arm over Jake’s shoulders, and Jake scoffed, rolling his eyes even as he smiled at his brother’s teasing.

“You’re only as young as you feel,” Sam corrected. “And I feel pretty damn young. Spry, as a matter of fact.” 

“Definitely spry,” Danny agreed, letting his hair down, dark curls spilling over his tan shoulders. 

“You guys going out?” Jake asked, looking Josh and I up and down. “You look like you’re dressed for it.”

“This was all for you,” Josh told him, then moved in next to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. “But we could go out, provided you’re all joining us in that quest.”

Jake laughed. “I think that can be done.” 

None of them even stopped to shower–we all headed out, the three rock stars still sticky with sweat, and all of us were as jovial as we had been when we were just kids. The bouncer sitting in the doorway of the bar asked for all of our IDs and gave a particularly lingering look at Sam’s. He’d always be the baby as far as I, and seemingly everyone else, was concerned. 

I was spared the weight of nostalgia the longer we were out and the more we drank, too immersed in the glow of the present to fall back into the past. Sam and Danny knocked back tequila shots like it was their job and Jake had apparently become somewhat of a beer expert, so he and Josh were ordering all kind of tasting glasses and debating which were the best and why, and I was in the thick of it all, blissfully getting more and more intoxicated with my own cocktails. Bits and pieces of memories came back to me at times, little moments of remembering that tugged on my heart, but for the most part I found myself tethered to exactly where I was, just grateful we were all together and grateful that things felt so similar to how they’d once been. 

“I hate saying goodbye,” I lamented after the bar lights flashed and it was time for all of us to go, and we were huddled together on the sidewalk outside. The boys were waiting for their ride and Josh assured me he was fine to drive, having got too caught up in the IPA debate to even get drunk. 

“It’s not goodbye,” Danny assured me and stumbled a bit as he stood, which was particularly amusing to see in contrast with how controlled he was while sober. “It’s just like, see ya later. Right?”

“It’s like, an hour drive,” Sam added, grabbing Danny’s arm. “‘S not so bad.”

“But you tour,” I reminded both of them, sadness dripping in my words though I didn’t quite feel the brunt of it yet. “Just–just stay in one place for a while. Otherwise Josh and I are gonna have to become roadies or something.”

Josh laughed and brought his arm to my waist again. “Yeah, that’s true. She’s very into that idea, as a matter of fact.”

“We’ll hang out again soon,” Jake said and, at least from him, it sounded real and true and I felt a little more reassurance. “We’re not going anywhere. Not really.”

“Not forever,” I said.

He shook his head, smiling. “Not forever.”

When Josh and I made it back to the hotel, it really hit me how fast the whole night had gone by and I thought, Was this what life just becomes for everyone? Time zipping by before you even have the chance to remember what you’re passing through? Even with an abundance of booze making it more challenging, I tried to commit more pieces to memory–the way Sam’s shirt had flashed and shined like pearls as he played, his face too, how he always looked so enraptured by the music there was no way to get him out of that space. His little beard and mustache combo too, which was new, and Jake’s, and Josh’s. I wasn’t sure when they’d all gotten on that train but I was secretly glad Danny kept his face bare. Picturing him with a goatee made me laugh, then I resumed trying to memorize other things–the way the bar had laser-carved a bird into the bottom of their beer glasses, according to the twins anyway, and how the bubbles from the beer followed its shape. The streetlights lining our way as Josh drove and the sound of his brother’s very own band playing from his stereo now, Josh singing along. Then his arm in mine as we meandered the halls of the hotel again, the dull, blue and beige pattern of the carpet beneath our feet and the strange quietness of it all.

Inside our room once more and kicking off our shoes, Josh even said, “You’re so quiet tonight,” and I then tried to memorize the way his voice sounded as he said it. Almost hushed, sounding a little tired but also a little concerned. That wasn’t surprising. He knew my moods well and knew what caused them to shift.

“I’m just thinking,” I answered truthfully, relieved to feel the soft carpet beneath my bare feet again. I reached up to touch my face, my fingers coming back with glitter that was flaking off my cheeks. “Currently thinking about how much of a pain it’s gonna be to take all this off.”

“I’ll help you,” Josh said, steering me alongside himself into the bathroom. I obliged him with this, leaning back against the sink as he wet a cotton pad with makeup remover and got to work, gently pressing and swiping over my skin. 

I found myself just staring at him, gazing at the glitter on his own skin, how is accented his perfect complexion; his eyes sparkled even more profoundly than the glitter though and I looked into them, through the dark lashes into the dark pools that still kept my soul happily ensnared. 

Josh met my gaze when he pulled back to get another cotton pad wet, smiling: “What are you looking at?”

“Duh. You,” I told him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him into me to kiss. No matter how many times we’d done it since we’d met, it never, ever got old–Josh’s lips were eternal flower petals against my own, his skin soft and sweet, his touch far more intoxicating than any substance on earth. And then he held me close in return, one hand reaching up to touch my face, I saw the burst of a million stars behind my eyes and the celestial glow from his body warmed my heart.

---

Tagging no one because RIP the 2018-2021 fandom LOL please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in this series!

[toongrrl-blog]

Benvi Playlist

Hey! Yes, you! What are you doing? Listen to some tunes for a change :D

"Count Me In" Gary Lewis and the Playboys

When you count the ones that want you, count me, too And if I'm not first on your list, count me blue Just be sure you count on me and when the counting's through Count me madly in love with you

2. "I'm Just A Lonely Boy" Paul Anka

I'm just a lonely boy, lonely and blue I'm all alone with nothin' to do I've got everything you could think of But all I want is someone to love

3. "The Loved One" INXS (Early 80s)

And now she's gone She's walking away Red dress on, her long black hair Well, I love her so, yeah And now she come running Anytime I say now Anytime I say

4. "Will You Still Love Me Tommorrow?" The Shirelles or Amy Winehouse

Tonight you're mine completely You give your love so sweetly Tonight the light of love is in your eyes But will you love me tomorrow?

5. "This is Dedicated To the One I Love" The Shirelles or The Mamas and the Papas or The 5 Royales or Bernadette Peters or Linda Ronstadt

This is dedicated to the one I love While I'm far away from you my baby I know it's hard for you my baby Because it's hard for me my baby And the darkest hour is just before dawn

6. "I Think I Love You" David Cassidy

Hey, I think I love you So what am I so afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm not sure of A love there is no cure for

7. "Crying" Roy Orbison (his duet with k.d. lang is also good)

I thought that I was over you But it's true, so true I love you even more Than I did before But, darling, what can I do?

8. "Only the Lonely" Roy Orbison

And maybe tomorrow A new romance No more sorrow But that's the chance You gotta take If your lonely heart breaks Only the lonely (Dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah)

9. "I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight?" Boyce & Hart

We were so close, but we should've been closer And it's making me feel so sad But I tell myself I didn't lose her 'Cause you can't lose a friend you never had (Come on, now) Because a friend won't say it's over And got out just for spite And now I wonder what she's doing tonight

10. "I Need To Be In Love" Karen Carpenter

I know I need to be in love I know I've wasted too much time I know I ask perfection of A quite imperfect world And fool enough to think that's what I'll find

11. "She's Got You" Patsy Cline

I've got your memory or has it got me? I really don't know but I know it won't let me be

12. "Walk Right Back" The Everly Brothers

I want you to tell me why you walked out on me I'm so lonesome every day I want you to know that since you walked out on me Nothin' seems to be the same old way Think about the love that burns within my heart for you The good times we had before you went away, oh me

14. "Sealed with a Kiss" Bobby Hyland or The Vogues or Bobby Vinton

Yes! It's gonna be a cold Lonely summer But I'll fill the emptiness I'll send you all my dreams Every day in a letter Sealed with a kiss

15. "Consolation Prize" Lesley Gore

Then I heard Tommy Lost his sweetheart But when he call I realized That I loved Billy Only Billy What a blessing in disguise

16. "Take Me Home Tonight" Eddie Money ft. Ronnie Spector

Take me home tonight I don't want to let you go 'til you see the light Take me home tonight Listen, honey , just like Ronnie sang Be my little baby Be my little baby, uh-huh

17. "This Guy's/Girl's In Love With You" Burt Bacharach (RIP) wrote some bops and this song has been covered by the likes of Herb Alpert and Dionne Warwick

I need your love I want your love Say you're in love In love with this guy If not, I'll just die

18. "Somethings Burnin'" Kenny Rogers

And now the sun is burning brightly We lie in love so close together I get the feeling deep inside me My love for you will burn forever

19. "Turn Around, Look At Me" The Vogues

There is someone walking behind you Turn around, look at me There is someone watching your footsteps Turn around, look at me

There is someone who really needs you Here's my heart in my hand

20. "Somebody to Love" Jefferson Airplane

Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love Love, love

21. "Brown Eyed Girl" Van Morrison

Hey, where did we go? Days when the rains came Down in the hollow Playin' a new game Laughing and a running, hey, hey Skipping and a jumping In the misty morning fog with Our hearts a thumpin' and you My brown-eyed girl You, my brown-eyed girl

22. "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Your's" Stevie Wonder

Ooh wee, baby, you set my soul on fire That's why I know you're my heart's only desire Ooh baby, here I am Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours! Hey

23. "I Feel the Earth Move" Carole King

Ooh, baby, when I see your face Mellow as the month of May Oh, darling, (I can't stand it) When you look at me that way

24. "Shut Up and Kiss Me" Mary Chapin Carpenter

You've got the kind of mind I love to read Talk is cheap and baby, time's expensive So why waste another minute more And life's too short to be so apprehensive Love's as much the symptom, darling, as the cure

25. "Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" Frankie Lyman and the Teenagers

Love is a losing game Love can be a shame I Know of a fool, you see For that fool is me! Tell me why, tell me why?

26. "When Will I Be Loved?" Everly Brothers or Linda Ronstadt

I've been made blue I've been lied to When will I be loved?

27. "All Cried Out" Dusty Springfield

Last night I knew we were through (we're through) It hurt 'cause I still loved you (loved you) Went home and couldn't fall asleep (asleep) 'Cause sleep just won't come into eyes that weep (that weep) And that's why....

I'm all cried out, I'm all cried out All my little tears are all dried out, oh yeah Now that you say we're through I'm all cried out over you, oh yeah

28. "The Letter" The Box Tops

Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane Ain't got time to take a fast train Lonely days are gone, I'm a-goin' home My baby, just a wrote me a letter

29. "See You In September" The Happenings or The Four Seasons or Julie Budd

See you in September See you when the summer's through Here we are (bye, baby, goodbye) Saying goodbye at the station (bye, baby, goodbye) Summer vacation (bye, baby bye, baby) Is taking you away (bye, baby, goodbye)

30. "You'll Never Know" Vera Lynn or Lois Griffin

You'll never know just how much I miss you You'll never know just how much I care And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you

31. "Baby I Love You" The Ronettes or The Ramones

How good it feels to hold you It isn't easy to explain And though I'm really trying I think I may start crying My heart can't wait another day When you kiss me I've just got to say